#im medicated rn and i feel like this is worded like im some form of dracula

[mc-260627]

what ever happened to tunga posting? :(

Turns out when you [feel bad] it gets reflected back into the draconian facsimile that inhabits your brain. There's stray recent depictions of the beasts here and there but I've opted to not share the projected torment because it feels cruel.

Have this one which isn't afflicted by ailments. It's playing animal jam

[thebridgeburnercomic]

(Edited to add a bit more* to the “fresh inspiration”section.) Since I have basically been confined to the couch/bed for a few months art stuff for Burner hasn’t really been a thing that’s been happening

BUT

the obsession and constant brainstorming for it never took a break, so instead of finished panels and pages I have 85% of a story laid out from start to finish and im thrilled about it because:

1) I don’t really consider myself a writer, and my entire life I have struggled to get stories laid out from start to finish, even just in a bare bones W plot or something. So to get to this point feels kinda surreal

2) some things I had planned for the story’s world have changed significantly for the better, which has created more tension and conflict and goddamn do I love fictional tension and conflict

3) certain characters are having their loose threads woven in so nicely that it feels like it was part of the plan the entire time. even old jokey tie-ins from 3-4 years ago now have significant roles in the plot that carry characters or stay with some of them til the end

4) I’ve gained a tremendous amount of fresh raw inspiration from my own life. My comic was always intended to explore variations and retellings of my own experiences and observations, but lately I got all sorts of inspiration from all kinds of stuff! medical neglect in many different forms, severe depression and the effects of isolation, the process of trying to seek diagnoses and/or treatment without being labeled a “drug seeker”, what one even does with oneself in the ER when stuck there for a long ass time, and how a person copes with unmanaged pain for a significant part of their life. * Ive also discovered various ways a person finds comfort, seen what happens when a second wind truly catches, tasting different flavors of hope, and how I seem to find it at the weirdest times. A person’s language changes, their perspective of the world changes, their ideas of the Self change, their concept of what it even means to socialize changes. Literally everything begins to warp and distort, even though most everything is kind of the same as it was before the symptoms first appeared.

All this is just to say that the story im writing/drawing is becoming thicker not because im adding more lore (which is usually how it goes for me), but because im taking threads that have been here since the start and weaving in the ends in such a way that everything just got plumper, fuller, more compassionate, more painful, more honest, more genuine.

tbh these are just lonely madman ramblings that I’m making from my bathroom as I try to decide if im gonna get up and take my pain meds or go back to bed, but im very excited for when im finally able to get to my desk and start making pages again. the flow of inspiration from all directions has been non-stop, from learning new techniques to seeing new places and seeing cool art occasionally, and it’s been excruciating not being able to (for lack of a better word rn) capitalize on this increased flow of creative energy and ideas

and dammit I miss working on this fuckin thang! I wanna put these boys in some situations! Lmao

Okay that’s all for now hank u for listening ok love u bye :)

[oncominggstorm]

Not ok not ok not ok not ok

Bad bad screaming meltdown cuz I have the worst fucking excuse for a sister in the world.

She texted me and insist I do something I don't feel able to handle rn, something that would actively cause sensory overload, i told her no and that I was getting real overwhelmed and couldn't handle texting (texting gets me SO overwhelmed idk why but it feels PHYSICALLY painful sometimes, like typing everything out so slowly is IMPOSSIBLE), she keeps insisting on explanation of why I can't/insisting she is right anyway, and she completely ignored the explanations I WAS able to force myself to type out, and then brain stops working & meltdown starts.

Ended up screaming out of frustration of not being able to get my thoughts out/being unable to communicate (not able to control this once meltdown starts). Idk if anyone will get what Im talking about. But is like brain just goes offline, cannot control, brain is SCREAMING at me, flashing 404 error, whatever, cannot form words or thoughts just screams, no ability to speak or think.

She then threatens to call the cops (literally ALL I did was let out a scream, IN MY OWN BEDROOM NOT EVEN AT HER/IN SAME ROOM AS HER) like she does literally EVERY time I have a meltdown (even though I have never ONCE been violent during a meltdown), and then told me I am no longer allowed to go see the musical we're supposed to go to tonight to celebrate our little sister's birthday cuz she seems to think she has the ability to control me?

I literally can't do this anymore I hate her so much literally every single meltdown I have is because of her fucking pushing me and ignoring my pleas for her to leave me alone when I'm getting overwhelmed. EVERY single one. Like I genuinely can't think of the last time I had one that didn't involve her pushing me in some way.

And I am fucking stuck with her for the rest of my fucking life. All of the money from dad's life insurance is in her account (and neither of us have a job so that's all we have and idk wtf we're gonna do when it runs out in a year or two but that's a whole other issue). The house is in her name. I am too disabled to work (but i'm not on social security cuz applying is so fucking hard and I have no help or support). I am STUCK.

And she CONSTANTLY is doing this shit. We are BOTH autistic but apparently /I/ am the ONLY one who EVER has communication issues EVER. Every SINGLE time there is a miscommunication she claims /I/ am the one who messed up, not her. Even though it's not true.

Every SINGLE time I have a meltdown she threatens to call the cops on me. Every SINGLE time, she threatens to take away something I desperately want/need/am looking forward to. Every SINGLE time, she gives me an ultimatum.

Like to the point I've started to wonder if this is like, abusive.

But I have NO support network at ALL. I'm not exaggerating when I say I do not have even one single friend. People usually don't believe me/think I just have low self esteem (I actually DON'T have low self esteem) but no it is literally true. The ONLY people in my life are my mom, my two sisters, my grandma (who has late stage dementia), and my therapist (who I usually see twice a week but haven't seen for 7 weeks now because she's on medical leave). That's LITERALLY it. I do not have ANY friends, ANY other family, ANY other people that I interact with regularly at ALL. At all at all.

And she is literally such a horrible person and I am STUCK with her. I do literally ALL of the housework, ALL of the cleaning and chores and taking the trash out, ALL of the making sure household essentials are stocked/reordered, literally EVERYTHING to keep this house going except paying the bills (which she does, except like...they're all on autopay so not really) while she sits and plays video games all day. I sit and listen to her infodump about her special interests that I don't give af about, and interact with her about them, I watch the videos she sends about them and respond, etc etc., but when I try to talk about mine she completely ignores me, or interrupts me, or tells me to shut up. And then she gets mad at me saying I don't spend enough time with her.

Feel so stuck and alone and hopeless and like i just CANNOT do this I need out. It feels like there is NO ONE who loves me, NO ONE who is on my side. Like literally, like I said all I have are my twin sister (who hates me), my mom (who I am not speaking to because she keeps ignoring boundaries and also because she literally said "good" when I threatened to kill myself over the summer and like who tf says that to their child and also cuz she kept trying to make my dad's death about her even though they'd been separated for 27 years when he died), my grandma (who I love more than anything but who can barely string two words together cuz of the dementia), and my little sister (the only person who actually cares about me, but she is also really struggling rn and so we barely talk anymore and also she's 12 years younger than me so I feel bad about leaning on her at all)

I'm just so tired and feel so unloved and unsupported and alone and I just cannot do this anymore

[msookyspooky]

maybe later on we could have a better look into billy's psychosis?

i would never survive this cause my psychosis makes me so paranoid sometimes i cannot leave my house. if someone so much as hinted anyone as the killer it would be game over, i can't sleep, i think everything is poisoned and im convinced im always being followed. i can recognise when it's a delusion normally but that doesn't make it any less real. if you tell someone with psychosis that there hallucinations/delusions are not real it's very bad, it's like if someone told you that the sky doesn't exist.

a thing with my psychosis that i would like to think billy experiences is forgetting. i don't want him to be in distress but i would quite like some representation because i want to relate to him more. if someone has hurt me or made me upset sometimes i will just forget. i will associate them with pain but i won't remember what they have done, it really sucks. i most likely remember after a while though. it just feels invalidating and i think that i did something. sometimes i have an episode or really bad anger and my coping is pretty self destructive.

if you don't think it's right for his character or this didn't make sense then ignore me. i hope you are doing well, i love your writing. <3

Sorry, I've had such a busy week! Grandpa in the hospital with pneumonia, driving 30 min away twice a day everyday to take care of his pets, family friend has uterine cancer and my mom is driving her to her surgery and were both helping her out at home this week and weirdly enough my great uncle had been battling cancer for 5 years (Terminal. He's on his death bed basically. He only weighs 95 lbs now.) and has medical psychosis now.

His body has been through so much that one day his mind just snapped for lack of a better word. He walked in the hospital fine and completely his regular self before a surgery and then within an hour of waiting he started screaming and thrashing that he was in a bus and kids were going to get ran over. It scared my aunt to death bc he wasn't my uncle in that moment and none of us have ever seen him like that before. He's home and doing much better. He knows who you are has complete clarity but he is absolutely terrified now of my aunt leaving his side 💔 He got so angry and scared when she left and one of us watched him in her place (He can't hardly walk) but yet that day he made all these appointments and paid bills before my aunt even got up and made a ton of phone calls he just doesn't want her to ever leave...Ik I shouldn't laugh but I gotta find something to laugh about in this situation and he was talking to us calm as can be on the phone and just casually mentioned. "Yeah, ya know she has me in a box underground, right? These fucking abortion nurses are stealing fetuses and they got me locked in a god damn box bc they couldn't steal mine."

...We just rolled with it but omfg I'm glad we know he has psychosis rn bc I can't imagine a stranger calling me and telling me that 🥴☠️ I just have to laugh and so did my aunt bc she's so defeated and tired seeing him like that and taking care of him that we have to find some humor in this especially since he's not scared about it just not connecting certain dots and he only gets scared when she leaves for groceries or anything like that bc that's when the paranoia sets in. And it's just disheartening to see him in this mental state sometimes

I know that psychosis is different in everyone and medical psychosis might not be the same as the psychosis you're dealing with and that there's varying levels and that most psychosis especially medical or stress can go away within time and on proper medication. Now, idk much about psychosis brought on by having other psychological disorders or if there are forms of psychosis that never goes away?? I'm more than eager to learn from your perspective bc I definitely hc Billy is my story as having psychosis similar to his future daughter Sam but he just won't admit it and that maybe it's lessened since his Mom's death or gotten worse; either way. Maybe both? Bc now I could see his paranoia heightening from cops, betrayal, etc.

Sadly tho, this story is from YN POV

I fully understand wanting to relate to him but I feel like that can be hard to do bc from not only who I've known irl with psychosis and what I'm trying to educate myself on is everyone's symptoms and degrees of the symptoms are different. Plus, it's hard to do with YN being the POV and the only canon mental issues she has is PTSD, Anxiety and probably High Functioning Depression from what she's went through (Of course anyone is free to add in their own to personalize the experience while reading) and people thought she had psychosis from Billy and Stu purposely trying to make her doubt herself as well as others doubt her in Windsor. So, that makes it hard to show Billy's POV in detail.

I'm sure tho later on a short story will come along the way and I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me your experience with psychosis so I can add it into Billy's character. 🖤🖤🖤

[aggravatetheaxe]

hi I’m absolutely obsessed with your writing atm but also would you mind sharing any more info on your ocs if you have it?? I wanna know more about pris (and whatever tf happened with her and michael in the past)

YES i would love to tell you more about pris. this ask made me so happy, i cant even begin to tell you. i always worry people don't care about my ocs but they mean so much to me

she is one of my most favorite ocs of all time, it's just i've been so hyperfixated on house of wax i haven't gotten to write much about her and michael - BUT i really want to and i probably will eventually

tag

some quick facts about pris:

priscilla catherine tate

born in 1958 (im terrible at having concrete birthdays for my ocs but maybe she's a virgo? not sure)

5'6", pear shaped (& gains weight and keeps it on after giving birth to audrey), pin-straight dark brown hair (gray when she's older) and dark gray-green eyes, long nose

american of irish and english descent

not religious; raised non denominational christian

aromantic spectrum, bisexual, but not inclined to go out and meet people; puts more weight behind blood relative connections

when she was a child, she and her parents were involved in a bus accident and subsequent fire. she was 7 at the time and was one of the only survivors

early onset depression and mental illness because of this traumatic event, which eventually led to a dissociative disorder, specifically a form of cotard's syndrome

her illness was manageable through therapy and medication but she believes she can't die because she's already dead

was fostered longterm but never formally adopted. doesn't feel a huge connection to her foster family though

has been both an inpatient and outpatient at various mental health facilities in the area for years; the mental health community of haddonfield and the surrounding area knows her pretty well by the time she's 20

nihilistic, prone to shutting down and appearing "emotionless" because of her anxiety (but that also means she can Get Shit Done when she has to), actually could be a deeply caring and wonderful friend if given the chance despite being a wet cat of a woman

showers 3-5 times a day because she fears her body decaying, so some obsessive compulsive tendencies. if she can't shower when she wants her neuroses become exponentially worse, which is one of the reasons she does much better as an outpatient

has a sphinx cat named soup

doesn't have many aspirations for life, understandably, since she thinks she's dead; however, still needs to pay bills, uses her mental health community connections to get herself a job in the healthcare community, becomes an RN

bounces around from healthcare jobs to secretary work to cleaning jobs, etc etc

hobbies include: puzzles (esp word puzzles), board games, miniature model enthusiast but no talent for it, absolutely adores just sitting back and listening to some old country (her FAVORITE) or 40s-50s music

now when it comes to michael, it would all depend on what timeline we're talking about. and for the record I don't really like RZ Michael so this would all be OG

if we're talking Carpenter's reboot (Halloween 1978 -> Halloween 2018):

michael and pris knew each other in passing from some mental health programs when they were younger, when loomis was still Trying with michael. basically a classmate type of connection, so they recognized each other but didn't really know each other?

she was living in outpatient/government housing at the time of the babysitter murders

michael kind of staggered to her govt housing neighborhood after being shot by loomis. michael's a creature of instinct so his first is survive -> prey

wound up staying with her because 1. she didn't call the cops on him 2. she's dead, there's nothing behind her eyes; she wouldn't be interesting to kill. we see time and time again that michael doesn't kill someone unless he's interested in them/likes how they are and wants to see them die or if they are in his way and she was neither. there's nothing exciting or interesting about killing something that doesn't care about dying

life finds a way! audrey was conceived ~3 months in

they lived together for a full year without being detected. but michael likes halloween, so while pris was at the hospital giving birth (on halloween!!!) he snuck out and decided to kill some more people (fun)

he was caught this time, as the whole town was on guard

pris was thoroughly inconvenienced by this, and also a bit sad because he had been her companion and she had gotten used to him. anxious as hell because now she's a single mom (thankfully she's very experienced with navigating government programs and was able to help herself pretty well)

managed to finagle weekly or monthly visitation with michael by going over loomis's head; this became much easier after loomis died, and they got even more privileges. knows sartain very well at that point

because of this, michael never forgot who she was. she has a connection with him

they just seem sort of drawn to each other, almost supernaturally. it's like she provides some weird equilibrium...and she doesn't ask anything of him, doesn't want anything from him. he's just in her life now

michael's parents don't speak to her and audrey (and eventually they die)

she and michael are never technically married but she considers him her partner, probably the closest thing she will have (or would ever want, she's quite aro) to a husband; she refers to him in that way often

people who know about her and michael think she's fucking insane. how the hell did she even survive that? most people don't know, though, and audrey takes her last name. it would be very hard to be a myers in haddonfield

she and laurie do know each other. she has nothing in particular against laurie but she did need to get a restraining order against her. it's unfortunate that laurie hates her because i think they'd be friends in another life

she doesn't have anything against people especially and doesn't particularly want michael to murder folks, but she's smart enough to know she can't stop him

when it comes to other timelines, such as the thorn timeline... when the curse gets involved, i figure she has to have some supernatural connection to it, but i'm not a huge fan of the thorn timeline, so i haven't smoothed that out!

@waxhouse and I have a fun crack type au where all the slashers live in the same neighborhood and there pris is:

best friends with amanda, jason voorhees's wife

audrey's mom obviously

part of amanda's book club but she never reads the books and it drives amanda insane

gets her weed from bubba sawyer

bo sinclair's object of lust and fear (she hates him and his vibes)

on good terms with freddy and pinhead (she and the Girls go to brunch with pinhead all the time)

always the designated driver (she hates driving tho and avoids it)

that one friend that you're sure hates you but actually has deep deep affections for you, they're just quiet

[miyaniacs]

Hey!! I think this is an emergency request? But I was wondering if you could do an x reader in which she has an ED and self harms with Yamaguchi, Oikawa and Akaashi? If the topic makes you uncomfortable, could you just do fluff with those three? I’ve been feeling terrible lately and I need comfort like this rn this would mean a lot to me thank u :) i don’t wanna feel like im pressuring u into anything so if you don’t feel comfortable writing this it’s totally fine!!! Thank you :D

Hiiii :)

Sorry it took so long - I was really sleeping in & needed to finish an Assignment that’s due to tomorrow 💀 also... I'm sorry I just did Yams and Oikawa... I really wanted to do Akaashi, because he’d just be perfect on how he’d act in this situation... but I just couldn't get myself to write for one more rn... and I want to post it for you.. I can still make one for Akaashi another day, just sent in another request baby ❤️🥺

ALSO my messages are open love, I know how you feel so hit me up if you wanna talk 🥺

Ok so just a Little disclaimer - it could happen that I’ll write some personal experiences/ thoughts since I think I had an ED / developed one (but kinda stopped it getting worse ) and it still pops up here and there ( actually just last week ) - like I never been diagnosed but still I’m pretty sure lol

Also idk what kind of ED you got BUT I belive it’s probably under eating / binge eating so I mainly include those

masterlist

Warnings : mentions of selfharm & ED

HC s/o with an ED and Self harms 

Yamaguchi

alright ... so ....... you stayed over at his the night

You two made dinner and it was all prefect

You quickly went to the bathroom afterwards tho

Then you came back and helped him cleaning up the dishes

He was joking around and you laugh and push up your sleeves and start cleaning

Yams suddenly stops laughing and just stares at you

“Yams? what's -” you stop and realise what you just did

Today was such a good day, you totally forgot about your breakdown last night, after failing to do any of the things you were supposed to do that day and stepping on the scale realising you gained weight.

“ I- I - can... Can we just forget you saw this?” you stutter and pull down your selves again 

Obviously he won't just forget it

he gently takes one of your hands and leads you to the living room and sits down on the couch with you

“Why?” he whispers 

you just stare at him, unsure if you can tell him the real reason 

after a few minutes of silence you begin to talk 

you tell him everything 

the second you start talking you can’t stop 

the words spill out of your mouth, happy that you can finally get all those toxic thoughts out of your head 

Tears start streaming down your face while you tell him you’re feeling not good enough, like a failure, like you're trying to loose weight and developed an ed, yet you’re still to stupid to loose any weight etc so you just feel like you have to ... like punish yourself? 

Yams listens to you carefully and with every word his eyes get more and more glassy 

after you finished talking, he pulls you into the tightest hug ever

“baby... why haven't you told me, I'm always here for you, you shouldn't deal with all of this alone” 

sooo you stay in this position for a little longer, you both trying to calm down and stop crying

“Now... let me tell you - I will keep on telling you this over and over again, every single day of my life if I have to - you are enough, you are perfect in my eyes, you don’t have to loose any weight, but if you want to, then do it in a healthy way... I willing to help you in any way possible.” He takes your hands and moves them up to his face, kissing your knuckles

the rest of the night, you cuddle, him trying to confound every toxic thought you have 

he also gifts you a soft hair tie and makes you promise him, that you would use this, instead of hurting yourself 

his phone is also from now on not silent anymore in case you need someone to talk to at night 

the next weeks, he’s getting up earlier, making you some healthy, low calorie lunch so you don’t have to feel pressured to eat in the cafeteria and feel the need to throw up again afterwards. He’ll also tries to increase the cals, every other week. 

Oikawa 

He probably realises that something is up, the second his stupid ass walks into the bathroom when you just got out of the shower

It’s winter so you always wore sweatshirts and those cute wide leg pants

also you haven't been feeling good the past weeks, so there wasn't really a chance for Oikawa to see you in tight clothing or well ... no clothing at all. 

so when he saw you for this small second just now, his heart drops 

he just stands there shocked, tears already running down his face, not moving a muscle 

“Y/N...  I - since when - Why - I- “ he stutters not able to find the right words 

You stood still, towel in your hands, shocked expression on your face 

this is like your worst nightmare, he shouldn't see this, at least not now, not like this 

“Tooru, I can explain...” you stutter and look down at the ground 

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to ... I just.. can I hold you?” He whispers in between small snobs 

you nod and he takes a set forward, carefully placing his arms around you, now afraid he could hurt you or break you 

He doesn't feel your soft curves anymore, his fingers are now met with the little bumps of your rips 

You hide your face in his neck and start crying 

the snobs make your body shake, which made him feel your bones move under his hands - which results in him crying even more 

“You’re just so perfect and I'm just me... all those beautiful girls who fall for you, with their skinny legs and waist, looking so delicate... I didn’t want you to be ashamed of me...” 

how couldn’t he notice? WHY haven't he? HE could NEVER be ashamed of you NEVER 

WHY was he so busy with Volleyball? he should have noticed that you weren't eating.. but he always thought you’ve eaten before... 

after you calmed down, he takes the towel and helps you getting dry, his eyes always stuck to small red lines on your legs, right under your hips

he walks over to where you kept your medics and all the first aid stuff and started treating your wounds 

He takes off his hoodie and puts it over your head and picks you up bridal style, carrying you to the bed 

He puts you down and quickly hurries to the kitchen and makes some tea for you 

You’re now seated in between his legs, your back resting on his chest while his arms are wrapped around you, rocking you from side to side, while you two watch some Disney movies 

after you finally fall asleep he takes out his phone and reads all the articles on the internet about self harming and ed’s. 

He makes a note on his phone where he writes down all the things he could do to help you, and all the little signs so he knew when one of your conditions gets worse again 

he makes sure that from now on, you two eat at least one meal together

he’s always encouraging you, if you feel like not eating, he begs you to at least eat one small bite, if you feel like eating the whole salad, girl, he’s hyping you up so much 

he sees that you gained some weight? 

omg be prepared for a full week of him praising you of how beautiful you are, hyping you up, etc 

and GODDD IF YOU NEED NEW CLOTHES BECAUSE YOUR OLD ONES DON’T FIT ANYMORE SINCE YOU GAINED WEIGHT 

he is spoiling you to the Max 

he is willing to fly you to London, Paris, La, etc so you get the best clothes available 

some small things he also do is : form that one night on, every day, he sends you a voice note of him telling you how amazing you are, how much he loves you, and lists at least 10 things why he loves you and why he’s proud of you - so from now on, before you grab that one small blade, you listen to this voice note and if that doesn't help, you only need to text him  🆘  and he’s already faceting you, dropping everything he was doing and getting to your house asap

also he’s probably trying to get you into working out with him, so he can control that you don’t overwork yourself and helps you gaining more muscles again and tells you about the benefits of weight lifting, since muscles burn calories while doing nothing at all, YET they need top be feed to remain 

[latinozevran-archive]

ok was too tired to write this up last night but my final kaiba review per usual i shall go from most to least ugly attributes first of all visuals no one can afford to trust an art style like that lol not the one for the main characters but vanilla etc dear god no thank yew the racism was very distracting and disturbing and made it hard to focus until he was out of the plot and if it wasnt just 12 eps i might've stopped for that. criticism hard stop and no excuses or explanations can be made for smth like this

2) structurally hmmmmhmmhm mixed feelings..so much if not most of the show seems designed to make u feel distanced from a sense of space and time so that it all blends together a bit and its kind of hard to go beyond the snippets of narrative youre given and this is the kind of sentence that makes sense to me rn but if i reread this tmo i would have no fucking clue what it meant so i will try to explain for instance i think its very hard to have strong feelings abt the timeline of events pre-story when they are all drawn like that like everyone involved here seems to be an adult according to the story right but like all i am saying is if everyone in kaiba looked like an actual normal adult design i think the once was a dictator but now is not so bad actually arc would be much easier to reject if that makes sense like u could feel a more clear connection to the passage of time and the fact that warp took his sweet time achieving the corruption his power brought him and so on and so forth WHICH IS ALSO JUST. LEFT SOOO UNCLEAR IM CRAZY. LIKE WHAT HAPPENED... ACQUIRED MOMMY ISSUES... -> APOCALYPSE..? THAT HE ENDED... BUT BECAME A LITTLE EVIL FOR IT -> MET NEIRO WE'RE ALL GOOD NOW. like maybe it was just the watching this at 3am off my medications that keep my brain from melting but i feel like it just made its own plot/backstory so hard to parse like purposefully and im just not totally sure why or i mean it makes the plot much more smooth so maybe i do know why but its frustrating

3) the thing this inevitably leads me to tho is like how much does this necessarily matter tho bc design choices in plot structure and visuals were all intentional its absolutely not supposed to feel particularly grounded in reality and it has a very unmistakable fairy tale quality to it that makes me inclined in some ways to forgive the things that frustrate me bc that was just the story they were trying to tell and it was still affecting in that form idk conflicts conflicts... bc also u know.. what zero was saying um the politics of whatever the fuck was going on with popo im just scratching my head anyone care to explain miss madhouse

4) but now we can get to nice words that shit did get to me so bad wtf chroniko .... chroniko.................. mannnn i did love so much of it a lot a lot wrt the basic plot w memories the art the symbolism the music the animation love and friendship and gender my god the amount of gender... going insane. 4 me the very clearcut prominent issues i did have with it complicate the idea of recommending it i don't rly know what i would say but i still thought the show was very beautiful and overall i did rly enjoy it and am glad to have seen it :)

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ��its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[jawnjendes]

the fog will clear up | shawn mendes

chapter 13/?, university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: sry its short and definitely a filler im sry its boring but it helps build up stuff thatll happen next ok ok im sry

*let me know if u wanna be added/removed from the taglist

masterlist | playlist

Annalise woke with a start. She was wide awake immediately. There was no room for sleepily rolling around the sheets, her eyes weren't heavy like always. She didn't know what dying and coming back to life felt like, but she was pretty sure it felt something like that. She had a weird urge to go for a jog.

Staring at the ceiling, Annalise reached towards the nightstand next to her, intending to grab her phone. Her hand touched the bottle, and she picked it up anyway, reading the prescription label.

Annalise Flores SERTRALINE 50MG TABLET Brand name: Zoloft

"You don't waste anytime, huh?" she murmured before setting it back down. Then, she grabbed her phone and checked the time.

8:47am. A new fucking record. Annalise rolled out of bed, unable to stay still.

In the 2 hours she had to kill before work, she tidied up the dorm, ate a decent breakfast, took a shower, and got started on the course work she had to make up. The energy levels were through the roof, she had never been so on edge and productive at the same time. Why wasn't she put on sertraline sooner? Sure, she felt hyperaware and borderline anxious, but that was apart of the process of getting on a new antidepressant. She was getting things done this way. Sure, she jumped when the lock on the door jiggled, but she was up and running anyway!

If she wasn't, she wouldn't have seen Stella entering the dorm. She was surprised to see Annalise on the couch, looking like a deer in headlights.

"Oh… I thought you were asleep. I'll, uh, I'll come back."

"No, wait!" Annalise sounded a little too frantic, but it did stop Stella from leaving. "Uh, come sit down! Please!"

Stella narrowed her eyes slightly as she went to the couch. At least she was willing to listen.

"I, uh, I'm sorry," Annalise began, rubbing the back of her neck. "I'm sorry for what I said. A stupid guy isn't the only good in my life. I have you. You matter to me, and I'm sorry for making you feel like you don't." She really couldn't stop herself from rambling. "I miss you. I miss seeing you here between classes, and I miss your optimism because a bitch could use some of that. And, and I'm sorry for the negativity I've brought in here. I'm working on it now, I swear. Just… come back. Come home… because bro, you're my wife, dude."

It could have been funny, but there was nothing funny about the way she said it. Her eyes were wide and pleading, and she was rubbing her hands together. Stella merely blinked her hazel eyes, nearly overwhelmed by that string of words.

"Look at you, expressing your emotions," she said after a while. "I can see why you hold it back."

Annalise nodded rapidly. "It's my first day on a new medication. Got me all sorts of hyped up, but I'll mellow out in a couple of weeks. And I'm taking therapy seriously again!"

Stella was surprised. "Oh, I see. Well… I've missed you too. Bro…"

"Bro?"

"I'll come home too. Camila's bed is too small for the two of us."

"Bro…"

"I know. I have to update you on all that."

"Br-"

"Okay!" Stella broke out a smile and stood up. "Dame un abrazo, puta."

That was much easier than Annalise had anticipated. She stood up and hugged her best friend, relieved. Stella wasn't one to hold a grudge, nor was she as stubborn as her roommate. It was another person to cross off the list.

~

Shawn had social media mainly to get his music out there. Yes, he interacted with his friends on Snapchat, and some fans on Twitter. Most of the time, Shawn just tweeted when he had new music coming out. He didn't check any of his social media very often, not even to stalk Ann's accounts because she was rarely on her's. He didn't even have his notifications on, purely to keep himself from the possibility of getting too attached to the opinions of random strangers online.

That was why he woke up that morning to a number of texts from Camila.

"SHAAWWNWNN"

"SHAWN IM LKTERSLLY BALD RN"

"CHEKC UR TWITTER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!"

"YOIR FOLLOWERS!!! AAHSKSKSK"

"SKSKSK SHAWNMM IM SCRAMING"

So to Twitter he went. Shawn rubbed sleep out of his eye as he went to his profile. He had around 10k to begin with, that he built up on his own over the last couple of years. He nearly dropped his phone on his face as he read the new number.

50.2k

"What… the fuck?" he breathed out as he sat up in his bed. He scrolled through the list, making sure this wasn't a series of spam bots.

His mentions were just as wild, and it explained the sudden blow up.

@hollaestor: @shawnmendes hiii bella told me to follow you

@samxriv: @shawnmendes i am free to hang out on tuesday to hang out when i am free

@gisellenjh: @shawnmendes bella sent me here and im glad she did! loving your music!

And there were plenty more like that. There were so many tweets, Shawn couldn't even get through all of them. It was making his head spin. There was only one Bella he knew about too… He just couldn't spell her last name. Thankfully, her handle was just @bellasanti, and it was the first one to pop up when he typed it in the search bar.

Right under Bella Santiago's name and the blue checkmark were the two little words: Follows you. Shawn refreshed the page ten times before it sank in. This YouTuber, who has over 2 million followers, somehow found Shawn's music… and she liked it. She liked it enough to tweet about it… 3 days ago.

@bellasanti: underrated spotify artists: @shawnmendes. give him a listen. send him some love. truly talented guy💖

Shawn had only overheard Bella's videos when Ann was watching them in the other room. He never really watched any of her content. But he wanted to pass out at the fact that she took the time to listen to his music and tweet about him. He wanted to jump on the bed. He wanted to call-

He texted Camila back. "Wtf why did no one tell me sooner?? This is so crazy!!!!!"

"We thought you knew and you were keeping it from us!! LMAO congrats rockstar!"

He couldn't believe it. His follower count was rising. He was getting emails from Spotify saying his songs were being added to many different playlists.

@shawnmendes: @bellasanti wow thank you so much! Love you bella❤

He deleted the last bit before tweeting it. Holy shit. Shawn lied back down on the mattress, completely breathless.

How does someone like Bella Santiago find Shawn out in cyberspace? What Spotify rabbit hole did she go down that led her to him? How many of his songs did she listen to? How many songs did she save to her library? How many of those playlist emails were from her? Shawn had so many questions.

~

There were two things Annalise noticed when she was out on the courtyard after Biology. The first thing was a table on the side of the walkway, with a handmade banner hanging off the front. It read in big letters: Shawn Mendes: Live at The Cameron House. Brian, Alessia. and Camila were all sat on the same side at this table, talking to a student who was interested in the little display.

"The lounge called back," Annalise muttered to herself.

The other thing Annalise noticed was Patrick sitting under a tree nearby, reading a book. She went to him first.

The last time she had spoken to Patrick was when they cut up flowers together. He was never one to explicitly state when something has upset him, and he has seen Annalise in a depressive episode before. Annalise knew him well. Patrick kept his distance because he didn't like the negativity around her, and he couldn't afford any more of it himself.

"Hey," she greeted.

His blue eyes tore away from his book to meet her gaze. "'Sup?"

"Trying to be less fucked in the head," she told him.

Patrick nodded in approval. "Cool."

That was all that was needed for the two of them. Content, Annalise turned and went for the table. A small line had formed when she wasn't looking, so she waited behind the last person. However, with three people running the thing, Annalise got to the front fairly quick.

"Oh, she actually showed up," Brian chimed, amused.

"Meaning?" Annalise asked.

"Thought you were too pissed at Shawn to care about his show, that's all."

She swallowed the pit of annoyance, discovering that even more people knew about that. Brian is his friend, though, of course he'd know.

"Selling tickets or something?" Annalise turned her attention to the two girls.

"Yeah! Ten dollars a piece!" Alessia explained.

"Cool, I'll take one."

Just as she opened the flap on her book bag, Camila spoke up.

"Wait. I'm pretty sure Shawn said he wanted to buy you your ticket himself."

Annalise rolled her eyes. "Well, he's not here and I can do things for myself." She pulled out her wallet and paid her own goddamn ticket.

Camila breathed out a laugh. "Are you ever gonna let him do anything nice for you?"

None of your fucking business.

A new thought occurred to Annalise. "Why are tickets being sold for this show? Aren't his gigs usually free?"

"There's more production going into this one," Brian told her. "The lounge gave him the option to make it a ticketed event, and we need to make back what we already put into it. So now, it won't be a performance, it'll be Shawn's performance."

Shawn already knew how to make an audience his bitch, but…

"Alright then." Annalise shrugged and then accepted her ticket and receipt from Alessia.

The ticket alone was already quite extravagant. There were little red roses designed around the edges. This boy really loved his fucking flowers.

"I'm guessing rose petals will fall from the ceiling or something?" she guessed with a chuckle.

"I was given strict orders to not spoil anything," Brian told her, folding his arms.

The two had a mini staredown until Annalise shrugged again. "Whatever."

Then, Camila piped up again, suddenly excited. "Ooh, Ann did you hear? Bella Santiago followed Shawn on Twitter!"

"She what?" Annalise stupidly replied.

Camila practically squealed. "She gave him a shoutout too! He's blowing up on Spotify! Isn't that awesome?"

Annalise wanted to say something, but her brain wasn't quite caught up yet. So she just walked away.

The other three students watched her leave. Needless to say, they were confused.

"Is she ever gonna be happy for him?" Alessia wondered.

"I think she was excited?" Camila said tilting her head.

"I can't believe Shawn is going through all this trouble for that," Brian said with a scoff.

"I can still hear you!" Annalise called over her shoulder as she kept walking.

All three of them went red in the face, embarrassed. Brian would have made a comment about her being a vampire with supersonic hearing, but he didn't want to be called out again.

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou  @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @goldenmndes @shawnvvmendes @shawnsunflower @shawmndes @ruinhoney @someoneunimportantxx @calyumthomas @yourdeflightfullyleft @havethetimeeofyourlifee @wronglanemendes @chillingbythesea @softmendesss @mutuallynotmutual

[artisticallys]

              omg hey... what’s going awn  ?  i havent dont an intro in soooo long i dont even have anything fun or interesting to say about myself errrrrr my name is sam  !  i use they/them pronouns we big chillin.... im real bad at answering messages but i get to them eventually i schwear. yep that’s all if anyone wants to plot or whateva just lmk okie  ?  there’ll be a tl;dr at the bottom before plots if u dont wanna read all this it’s a lot-_____-  without further adieu may i present miss scout kang.... 

﹤𝙺𝙸𝙼 𝙲𝙷𝚄𝙽𝙶𝙷𝙰, 𝚂𝙷𝙴/𝙷𝙴𝚁, 𝙲𝙸𝚂𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴﹥; * - hello SCOUT KANG. long time no see. i know a lot about you. like how you're TWENTY TWO, how you're a GAME DEVELOPMENT major,  and in fact.. how you KILLED YOUR TWIN BROTHER AT HIS REQUEST AND LIED TO YOUR FAMILY ABOUT HIS PASSING AWAY TO STAY IN THEIR GOOD GRACES. would be a shame if it got out, wouldn't it ? so let's play a game. 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 𝙾𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙴 ?

ok so yeaaaaah her secret is kindve a lot ! we gone get there... but first i gotta discuss her childhood u kno ? set things up <3 scout was born to 2 vewy loving parents with a twin brother. there were complications in the pregnancy some medical shit i cba to research but basically her brother wasn’t getting all the nutrients he needed to develop with a good immune system. scout was born two minutes before him, he never let her forget it with his hag jokes and she never let him forget when it came to calling shotgun. 

as i said her brother was born with an auto immune deficiency it left him in a place to get sick very, very often. almost anytime he caught the flu he was hospitalized and generally his life was lived through a glass case from the outside world. and oddly enough it made scout feel trapped too as he was her twin flame, they were the best of friends and wherever he was she wanted to be. there came a time where his health plummeted drastically, doctors weren’t sure he’d make it and the pressure of it all finally cracked down on their father

not being able to watch his own flesh and blood rot away in a hospital bed he took his chance to get out while he still could and vanished into the night never to be seen again. scout remembers hearing an argument between her parents before pretending to be asleep when he came into her room and gave her a final kiss on the forehead and secured her blankets about her body.

it was a shock, really, when her brother pulled through and was somehow stronger than ever. an elaborate hoax was curated by their mother but scout knew, and deep down she thought her brother knew too. but it’s hard to give life to such a grievous monster and so it stayed in a grave.

life went on, doctor and hospital visits became routine and her brother never let things get in the way of living his life. in high school they were quite the pair. mostly it consisted of conversations about where they wanted to run off to after graduation, who their dream spouse was ( he always wanted to marry the student body president while scout had dreams of marrying some degenerate *her brothers words* ), things theywanted to do before dying. they wrote that stuff down on an old study guide scout was using to cheat off of for ap chemistry....

which was something she did often as early middle school days, her mother planted the seed of her going to medical school. to find a way to help people like her brother and at first it was a welcomed idea, do good for people like the one she loved more than life. time went on though and the pressure to have a 4.0 to get into a good premed school with tuition help was mounting. it made dreams that had been forced upon her to morph into something ugly but there was no hopes of standing up to her mother, not when she was already looking forward to such a future. but scout didn’t have the best work ethic when she wasn’t really invested in something, she was smart yeah but that just... wouldn’t cut it and she found that out real fast

her scenes changed quickly during the summer of junior year. her brother had fallen incomprehensibly ill, worse than she had ever seen him and the fear she had as a child slowly crept back, licked up her neck and nested on her shoulders making a home there. reports came back soon enough and he was diagnosed with leukemia. at first it was manageable, some chemo and radiation should do the trick, they said. then it became bone marrow transplants and blood transfusions and fluid drips. she was the first to volunteer, obviously as his twin, for marrow transplants, blood, any organs he might need. 

desperation came in the form of a crying mother after news that he wasn’t going to live past christmas came. it came to scout as her mother accused the doctors of knowing nothing and doing nothing for her son. and it lastly came to her brother when he had been going through these treatments for 2 years and he still could feel how his soul was rotting away. how he was just a carcass in a paper thin nightgown. 

it was then he proposed the idea they travel and cross things off their bucket list and scout both ready to escape greyed walls and sterile affections as well as their small town agreed, readily. took every penny she earned from working, even opened up a gofundme for this trip and was lucky. things went well, so well in fact, that the pair forgot that half of them had one foot in the grave already.

until one day his pain became unbearable, too much for him to handle anymore, and he asked scout as she was helping him into bed after an attempt at leaving the house that day. it was hushed, whispered in shame and fear. had what he just said really happened? was the summer sun getting to be too much? it wasn’t until he had cleared his throat and said it with his chest, “i want you to kill me.” 

call her wrong but she actually laughed. retracted from him with brows creased and a confused laugh slipping out. there’s no way he could be serious. but when he didn’t laugh too she knew he meant it and that’s when she knew she had a choice to make.

it took a week of pondering the thought before she came to the conclusion that she’d end her brothers suffering. they spent the next few days doing something that haunts scout to this day really: planning the best way for her to kill him. for her to end her twin flame. 

their last night together was something memorable, spirits were shared and tears were shed. he left her with only 2 promises to keep.   1. never reveal to anyone that she ended his suffering and 2. to stop letting their mother decide scout’s life and future

she didn’t go to his funeral. didn’t want to replace what she had left of him with what was in that coffin, spent the night drinking homemade sangria and watched star trek. his 2 favorite things. 

this obviously didnt go over well with her mother, went even worse when scout announced she had dropped from pre - med and planned on becoming a video game developer. she was called an embarrassment, a failure, and that she would end up nowhere. and for a while she believed it, still does. 

she got really lucky though when the streaming community got more recognition and now she plays video games for a living and attends classes to make good games. 

TL;DR 

scout grew up w a really sick brother, their dad left, and scout basically became her brother’s keeper. was forced into studying shit she had no interest in and when her brother had enough suffering asked her to take his life, which she did. now she streams video games with hopes of making her own and somehow finding her mother’s love again. 

𝑃𝐿𝑂𝑇𝑆𝐼𝐸𝑆  ? 

got the songs it’s you & bang bang stuck in my head rn maybe some romance shit off theeeees? dunno...

dudes... some people who knew her AND her brother growing up like maybe they went to hs together idk maybe they’re like girl what ever even happened...

ex’s yupppp gimme

her bestest friend(s) maybe even shares her world w them u kno? im in it...

maybe something unrequited or like some sort of clueless sheet who knows!

frenemies...? like enemies that actually just have some weird tension they gotta get through :kissing:

literally anything u think scout would be good to fill like if u got any wcs?

OMGGG wait last one. i really want someone who her brother was in love with or like had feelings for and shit got crazayyyy after he died we can discuss

[poetic-beats]

Hello. Please Read.

Hi, 

As you will notice my blog has changed up recently. I have neglected it over the past 8-9 months and just recently got back onto posting my musings and works on here. I never stopped writing I just didnt come onto this tumblr to share.

I am amazed at how many followers I have thank you all I am so ever grateful to have such amazing caring followers who will message me and reach out to me.

I am always here for you too anon or private messaging its cool and if you ever wanna talk off tumblr that can happen to i have a discord an insta and twitter. 

I have recently been posting about my teespring and now my patreon i created late last night.

I don’t want to spam you all with SUPPORT ME links and such too much. I really don’t.

I am waiting on getting a new psychiatrist my old one laughed at my GP when he asked me to be referred back to her as she discharged me on the 3rd appointment with her. (my old amazing psychiatrist retired).

Long story short I’ve gotta complain to PALS escalate complaints GP has to meet with me and write a referral form and reasoning as to why I need to go to a whole other psychiatrists place outside of my village catchment area. 

She also sent the most awful horrible final discharge letter knowing that we’d discussed I’d need PIP (DLA) because I am not able to work rn. I am mentally unstable I believe I am in the midst of a big Bipolar depressive relapse and my periods have started again (implant) making my BPD and in general emotions all over the place. I need to get medication besides my anti depressants FOR the bipolar. 

I need therapy. I need PIP. But I would have to present a letter and the letter would be my discharge one. In which she is unprofessional and trashes me to pieces. I’d never get PIP with it no one would.

I am also being referred to a specialist in London for FND testing google FND HOPE for more info on that if you dont know what it is.

I also was diagnosed in march after a trip to the hospital and 3 months bed bound with FGID. I have just got a referral letter in to see a dietician. It may sound mild but it left me in agonising pain dizziness blurry vision and i couldnt even keep liquids down hence i ended up in hospital on fluids)

This is not a pity story nor a sob story. I just wanted to clarify and add background as to why I am attempting a more flexible online business model for myself aka merch on teespring....patreon rewards such as commission pieces and now Ko-fi. 

I can barely stand for longer than 10 mins still and if im out walking I can just about manage 30mins on a good day before i get severe uncontrollable movements usually in my arms. Legit was in Holland and Barrett getting the white vego bars and my hand jerked and the chocolate went flying with force and hit the back of the display shelf. I struggle to even grip things such as knife and fork. I shake badly in my hands like tremors etc. My mind is fuzzy..i was scared i’d lose my ability to write i literally forgot the word for ‘window’ and ‘coaster’ ive also misread words entirely. Like i came out of a shop thinking i’d got my mum salmon and cream cheese it was salmon and cucumber. Like what?? 

I also go catatonic i wasnt aware of this til my mum witnessed it multiple times over easter bank holiday. This could either be my Bipolar or a symptom of the FND i dont really know tbh. Ive been dissociating a lot too. And just today i had an hour or so of on and off full body shock like feeling jerks. Oh and sometimes i cannot even swallow my own saliva. In fact this happens a lot. and often leads to me gagging and puking if i cant get to a bin or toilet to stand and spit it out until my body decides it’ll let me swallow again. 

My balance and spatial awareness is off too last week i hit into the door twice and now have a giant ass bruise all the way up my arm. it was one day after the other. So that probs made it bruise worse. 

Okay this is a long ass post I apologise.

Again I guess ultimately i am explaining this all to you. Because of my anxiety. I always feel like being a writer or creator. Isnt a ‘real’job. or that people will send me hate and nasty comments. Like when around a year ago i was doing comissions some people would message me asking about it. I’d tell them it was a £1 for 5 poems (really undersold my work) and they’d shout at me in caps telling me it should be free or tell me to get a real job. I mean if you’d pay for a poetry book or novel why shouldnt you pay for effecitvely what would have been an ebook of an independent writer?

I just dont want any hate. And i know this post could go either of two ways. Either hate even more for me because it could be seen as a sob story pity guilty trip thing which I REALLY AM NOT trying to do. 

Or it could deter potential nasty messages or comments because people might realise oh okay shes legit unable to work rn at least. and she cant even get benefits because my ex psychiatrist is a twothole who hates me and the mentally ill in general. 

But who knows.

Link for my Ko-fi is in this whole ass text post just click some where and it’ll show ya.

[frozenrose13]

somethings being weird about us getting dressed, i miss our long hair. i miss being able to form our body into something conventionally attractive

and safe

being able to contort our appearance like that is safe

we feel uncomfortable

i miss our femininity but its. not safe. anymore. hearing the psych and all her. words. about us.

i want to be pretty but i want it specific in *my* ways and. gods how people can be. words about [redacted]. i miss how our face looks with the stylized make up. i want my hair back i want to be happy with how we did our nails i want to wear my ribbon skirts without feeling like a fucking joke. without fearing retaliation from fucking strangers. its. a little like the dysphoria. my view of us will always be tinted with some kinda femininity it just. looks different to us. we’re not binary, not “properly” anyways. the more we accept the transness the more we end up with aching holes of how we’re supposed to be vs how the world is. im being reminded of old slurs that describe us better than anything in english.

idk tried drawing a new profile pic of the body yesterday and im so bothered by it. we suspect opposite action is going back in and changing up the sketch to fit better what we see internally. who cares if it doesnt one to one match what we look like rn, we’re in a. changing place.

im being reminded of a conversation about trans men who detransitioned directly because body control issues. between the [redacted] and the medical shit and the abuse shit we’ve never had control over our body. medical transition was the first thing we ever did for our body for *ourself*. even the cis women in headspace agreed it was the best decision for us. like, how often do we get every single active alt to *agree on one thing* for the body? this isn’t regret. not for us anyways, its more like regret for how the world sees us.

its. interesting. how the dysphoria is presenting. its reminding us of more conversations, this time about trans gender vs trans sexual.

all this over a sketch and a shirt that we perceive as looking “gay” (affectionate)

[professor-hiddles]

One and Only pt.2

pairing: peter parker x reader

word count: 3.9k

warnings: super minor mentions of death, post-breakup brooding & again, cute lil peter

pt.1

Your hospital visit was nothing out of the ordinary, the E.R. staff knew you by name at this point. After playing sports your whole life, breaking bones here and there, you’re bound to end up in a hospital at one point or another. The last time you were there, it was a fractured wrist from falling during soccer practice. Your doctor told you to take it easy, but ‘easy’ wasn’t in your vocabulary.

Your doctor, Dr. Collins, decided it would be best if you stayed overnight, just so they could watch for any potential internal bleeding or other complications. This sounded absolutely ridiculous to you, but understandable to your father.

“Honey, its only one night. I’m sure you’ll survive. Anyway, I gotta go, I have to pick up your brother before work. I’m working the night shift today, but call if you need anything, I love you,” your dad said, kissing you on the forehead and walking out. Now, it was just you and your thoughts left in the room.

[P.P.] Hey, Y/N, how’s the hospital?

You smiled at the text, happy that someone actually cared enough to text you.

[Y/N] eh, could have been worse, but nothing I haven’t seen before lol the food still sucks, and my dad left so i’m a little lonely at the moment

[P.P.] What if I told u I was on my way there? I might bring food too if ur nice lol

[Y/N] PLEASE DO I’LL LOVE U FOREVER PETER

Just as you put your phone down, there was a soft knock on your door. Your head snapped up, to find Peter standing there, pizza box and teddy bear in hand. A wide smile formed on your face, and you beckoned for him to come in.

“Peter! You brought food!” You threw an arm around him, careful not to further agitate your already hurting ribcage.

He chuckled, opening the box and handing you a slice. “Thought you might want some company. I was actually on my way up when I texted you, and then I saw the gift shop, and this little guy was just calling my name,” he said, handing you the bear.

“Now I wont be lonely! Also, I don’t think this counts as our date, so I’d be more than willing to go out with you as soon as I’m out of here,” you said, smile still planted on your face.

He smiled, knowing that the both of you subconsciously counted this as a date, but neither cared to admit it. He grabbed your hand, squeezing it a bit.

“That would be awesome, Y/N. So maybe we should start brainstorming? Like ideas for the date, you know?” He almost looked nervous, though you doubted that this was his first actual date. You nodded your head, pulling a piece of paper from your backpack that your dad left. ‘Do some homework, Y/N. Keep your mind on track.’

Even in the hospital you couldn’t catch a break.

“Alright, so, what do you want to do? Movies, dinner, hang out; what style of date do you fancy, Mr. Parker?” You joked, smiling. The gears were turning in his head, trying to think of places he liked.

“Okay, well there is this one spot, right in the middle of Central Park, there’s a huge-ass rock that I like to lay on and look at the stars, but I get it if its too far for you. I know you  sometimes have to watch your brother, so if you want to stay closer to home, I’m sure I could think of somewh—“ You put a hand over his mouth to stop his rambling.

“Peter, that sounds perfect. It really doesn’t matter if its a kind of far, I can always get my neighbor to watch my brother. If it’s somewhere you recommend, I’m sure I’ll love it. Now, when do you want to go?” You chewed on the end of the pen, heart fluttering at the thought of actually going on a date with him.

“How’s Friday? I could swing by around 7? You know, if you feel good enough, with your cracked rib and all.” He chuckled a little under his breath, at the small spider-man pun he made. You didn’t seem to catch it, which was a small relief for him. 

You nodded, setting the date in your calendar. “You’ve got yourself a date, now hopefully I can convince my dad to let me go. He’s too protective sometimes, you know?” Peter laughed, thinking of his Aunt May, and how protective she was. His phone then buzzed with an important message from Tony Stark, signaling it was time for him to leave.

“Yeah, I completely understand. Speaking of protective family, I gotta get going. My Aunt May would kill me if she knew I wasn’t at decathlon practice right now,” he said, watching for your reaction. Your face did fall a bit, but you understood why he had to go.

“Don’t miss me too much, Parker. Text me when you get home though, so I know you’re safe, ok?” He nodded his head, giving you a quick hug and a kiss on the head before making his way out.

Once you were alone, you looked at the small bear that he bought for you. You noticed it was dressed like Spider-man, which made you laugh a bit.

“Guess its just me and you now, Spidey. Hope you like ‘How I met Your Mother,’ ‘cause thats what I’m putting on.” Your hand reached for the remote, and you settled into the hospital bed, with a slice of pizza and the bear.

The next morning, you were woken up to doctors and nurses clamoring around your room. You rubbed your eyes, confused as to what was going on. Your father was there, arguing with the doctor, who apparently wanted to keep you there for another night.

“Oh, good, you’re awake. How do you feel? Any pain? Nausea? Vomiting?” The doctor was moving you around, getting your heartbeat, checking the wounded area, looking very frazzled.

“No, I feel absolutely fine. Great, in fact. Why is everyone so antsy? Did something happen while I was sleeping?” You were incredibly confused, no one wanted to tell you anything.

“Sweetpea, this might sound strange, but the doctors told me that somehow, your rib healed itself while you were sleeping. Something that should have taken at least a few weeks to heal, miraculously happened overnight. They want to keep you for further observation, but I don’t want you to be an experiment,” your father had a comforting hand on your shoulder, but your mind was struggling to grasp what had just been told to you.

Your first instinct was to poke the rib, for whatever reason. No pain. Your eyebrows furrowed, more puzzled than ever. How is this possible?

“Your daughter is a medical mystery to us, right now, Mr. Y/L/N. With your permission, we would like to take a blood sample, to see if theres maybe something strange going on within her,” the doctor said to your father, who had a nervous hand running through his hair.

“No. Absolutely not. If she’s healed, then I’m taking her home. She has school, after all,” he said, gathering your things. Dr. Collins was trying to get him to stop for a moment, but your father wasn’t having it.

“Sir, I really don’t think thats the best thing to do right now. If we can figure out what exactly is going on, we could potentially help so many people,” the doctor said, trying to convince him. Your father still refused, he didn’t want them poking and prodding at you, and since you were still a minor, you didn’t have much of a say.

“Like I said, absolutely not. If she want’s to do this when she’s eighteen, thats going to be her decision. But while she’s under my protection, I’m going to have to say no,” He signed the discharge papers, and you were out.

It was a bit irrational, but you knew why your father said no. Your mother died in the same hospital three years ago, after a gunshot to the abdomen. She had lost too much blood, and the doctors couldn’t do anything. Your father blamed the doctors and the hospital, so he was reluctant to even take you for minor injuries.

You decided not to break the awkward silence in the car, so instead you took out your phone and texted Peter.

[Y/N] guess whatttttt

[P.P.] what????

[Y/N] i got discharged!! i still have to go to school though :((

[P.P.] its only 7:30am how are you out so soon?? i was sure they would keep you at least until noon

[P.P.] also yikes @ the school thing

[Y/N] apparently my bones healed overnight its super weird

[Y/N] OMG WAIT AM I A SUPERHERO

[Y/N] SHIT I COULD BE LIKE SPIDERGIRL OR SOMETHING

[Y/N] brb trying to shoot webs rn

[Y/N] catch me as the next member of the avengers bb

[P.P.] im sure spiderman would love to have you as his sidekick

[Y/N] LISTEN BUDDY I AM NOT A SIDEKICK

[Y/N] if either one of us had to be a sidekick its you peter parkour

[P.P.] keep telling yourself that lol

[P.P.] wait did you just call me parkour

[Y/N] yep i did meanie

You slipped your phone into your pocket chuckling when your dad pulled up in front of your house.

“Go take a quick shower and change your clothes, Y/N. I gotta have you at school for third period,” he said, chuckling at your groan.

“Do I have to go? Its not like anyone would miss me, dad,” you said, giving your best puppy dog eyes. He almost fell for it, but shook his head at the last second, telling you that you had to go.

You trudged into the house, dreading going to school. Another groan escaped your lips as you realized that you had practice today, and since your rib was healed, you couldn’t use that as an excuse. You took your sweet time getting ready, much to your fathers chagrin. You were finally dressed and ready to go an hour later, your dad shaking his head, because it shouldn’t take that long for someone to shower and put on a hoodie with sweats.

You rode the whole car ride with your hood up, headphones in. When your dad finally pulled up in front of the school, you left the car reluctantly, backpack hanging off one shoulder.

Your hood was still up, and you sat down in third period physics with a sigh. Formulas littered the board, a barely audible groan escaped, as Peter looked over from the seat next you, chuckling. Your teacher was going on about angular velocity at the moment, but everything went in one ear and out the other.

“You look like hell, spider-girl,” he said, trying to contain a laugh. You shot a glare his way, tightening your hood around your face. You slumped further down in your chair, wishing you were invisible, or sleeping.

“I feel like it too, parkour. I’d rather be back at the hospital being tested, dude. Anything would be better than physics right now,” you said, pouting and turning back to the notes on the board.

The rest of the day went by rather slowly, until you got to practice. You jogged onto the field, greeting the rest of your team and your coach. She told you to take it easy, but you had no intention of actually listening.

The drill that was currently going on was weaving, your favorite. The ball had started at you, and was going smoothly until the two girls with you decided only to pass to each other. This frustrated you, as you knew they just wanted to pity you for being hurt the day prior.

You let out an angry groan, charging after the ball even though it wasn’t your turn. If they don’t want to play fair, we won’t.

You dribbled the ball down the field, people were yelling at you, but you drowned it out. Your team’s goalie looked more than ready to block your shot, but all it took was a fake left and shot right to score on her.

Adrenaline pumped through you as you smiled, walking back up the field. You heard someone cheering for you on the sidelines, surprised to see Peter in the stands. Your smile grew wider, and you waved to him, acknowledging his cheering.

You could have sworn you heard him yell ‘thats my girl’ but you just shook it off, deducing that your ears were playing tricks on you.

“Y/L/N, what the hell was that? You just screwed up that whole drill! Not cool, Y/N,” one of the girls, Casey Jones, said, looking aggravated. You scoffed, ready to fight back, but your coach spoke up for you.

“No, she did exactly what I would have done. You two weren’t passing to her. This drill is about team work, not exclusion. So, if I’m not mistaken, Casey, you and Adriana are the ones who are ‘not cool’. You two can sit on the sidelines and watch until you figure out how to work as a team,” your coach said, earning glares from the two girls as they walked to the side, but ultimately they stopped talking.

“Thanks, coach,” you said, giving her a small, grateful smile. She clapped you on the back, turning away.

“Its no big deal, really. I’m proud of you for taking charge in that drill, you executed that shot perfectly, Y/N, and apparently I’m not the only one who thinks so,” she said, nodding her head toward Peter.

“Oh, we’re not together, coach. Its..complicated,” you said, before taking a sip of your water.

“I saw him with you at the nurse’s office the other day, you two looked pretty cozy. But, if you say its nothing, then I guess I have to believe it. All I’m gonna say is that you could have fooled me,” and with that, your coach turned and walked back onto the field, leaving you standing there, smiling like an idiot.

You looked back over, looking to see if he was still there. He wasn’t in the stands anymore, he was talking to Liz Toomes. Of course, I should have known. Every negative possibility ran through your head in that moment.

You jogged off the field, trying to figure out why Liz was the center of his attention. He had been so flirty with you, even going to the lengths of setting up a date, and you couldn’t help but wonder if his intentions with you were simply platonic. You knew he had a ‘crush’ on Liz last year, he was always staring at her, he even took her to homecoming! It hurt you, you had really thought that he was over her.

Granted, you did have a boyfriend last year, that was the only reason for why Peter went after Liz. Of course, you didn’t know that. He was seeking comfort, since you couldn’t be his at the time.

Your boyfriend had broken up with you over the summer, and it made you sad to say the least. The two of you were in love, or so you thought. He was cheating on you with a girl on your team, forcing you to question the integrity of the whole relationship.

Even when he broke up with you, it was done maliciously, he never wanted you to date anyone else. He decided that it would be best to break your spirit, not just your heart. In turn, you moped around for all of August, barely wanting to go outside. 

You barely even got out of bed. Your family had no idea what to do, your brother would try to comfort you, by bringing in little lego creations. Your father bought endless pints of ice cream, it was a wonder how you didn’t weigh 300 pounds by the end of summer. He had never been on the receiving end of a breakup, he had no idea how to get you through it.

He decided it might help to call his old college friend, May Parker. Unfortunately, she couldn’t make it, so she sent Peter instead, knowing that the two of you went to school together (and because he had a crush on you, but he didn’t know that she knew).

Of course, Peter was over the moon that he got to see you, but also heartbroken at the sight of your sadness. He broke things off with Liz that same week, but the two were still friends. He did everything that he could to make you feel better, he even sat through your favorite Disney movies with you.

It was perfect, but only lasted for a few days. You both had obligations, Peter with his Stark Internship, and you with your volunteer work. The two of you didn’t see each other again until school, and that brings us to the current time.

After seeing Peter with Liz, you went to the locker room, muttering under your breath. You slammed your locker closed, the girls around you jumping at the sudden noise. You whispered a quick ‘sorry,’ and left the room. You moved through the halls of your school quickly, hood up trying not to draw any attention to yourself.

It wasn’t unlike you to be seen in the library, its where you went to cool off. You settled into a chair in the back, cracking open the first book you pulled off the shelf, which happened to be 'Norse Myths and Gods: A History.’

You loved reading about mythology and gods from all cultures, it fascinated you to every extent of the word. You opened the book to see weapons and tools, your eyes falling on one, called the Megingjörð. Apparently, it was a belt worn by Thor, God of Thunder, said to double his strengths, but current whereabouts are unknown, if it was even real.

You were shaken out of your concentration when a body plopped down in front of you, causing you to jump a bit. You looked up, eyes falling on the one person you didn’t want to see.

“Norse Gods, huh? You know Tony Stark’s met Thor? Apparently he’s a super cool dude, super buff, too,” Peter said, flipping through the book. You pulled the book out of his hands, eyes focusing back on the page.

Without looking up, you replied flatly, “Thats nice, Peter.”

You saw his face drop from your peripheral vision, and he looked down at his hands.

“Did I do something? Y/N, whats going on?” He asked, barely a whisper. Your heart nearly broke at the sight, he looked genuinely upset.

“No, nothing. Its my fault for thinking that someone would actually want to be with me. But I guess I don’t really deserve to be happy,” you said, trying to focus on the book instead of looking at him. He grabbed your hand, desperately trying to figure out why you would say such a thing.

“Y/N, why would you think that? Did someone say something to you? ‘Cause if they did I’ll beat them up, I swear,” He said, puffing his chest outward, you caught your lips turning upward.

“No one had to say anything, Peter. I saw you talking to Liz earlier, so if you want, you can go talk to her and let me wallow in my pity party,” you took your hand from his, putting your attention back on the page of the book.

He looked around, trying to get a sense of what was going on, and then it clicked. “Y/N, can you look at me please? Are you jealous of Liz?” he said, pushing the book down with a finger.

You huffed, closing the book and looking dead at him. “What do you think?”

“I think that you have absolutely no reason to be jealous. She’s in my calculus class, and needed the notes from todays lesson. And if we’re really talking about deserving things right now, I honestly think you deserve the world. Come on, I have something to show you,” He grabbed your hand, pulling you up. You barely had time to grab your bag off the floor, he was pulling you to the door.

He took you in front of a set of lockers, nothing particularly out of the ordinary. “Okay, you have to promise not to tell anyone about what I’m about to show you. I need you to swear, Y/N,” he was looking you in the eye, holding a pinky out for you to swear on.

You grabbed his pinky with yours, rolling your eyes. “Alright, so whats so special about this set of lockers?”

A grin crossed his features, as he looked from you to the lockers. He bent down, and with seemingly no effort at all, he picked up the set of lockers, pulling out a small bottle.

“Dude, what the hell?! How did you just pick up those lockers? They have to weigh like a thousand pounds!”

He didn’t answer the question, instead just tossing you the bottle of a very sticky substance. “Uh, Peter, I know we’re close and all, but I don’t know if we’re this close.”

Peter looked confused for a moment, before disgust and amusement both appeared on his face at the same time. “Ugh, Y/N, thats so gross. Why would I keep that in a bottle?”

You shrugged, looking between the bottle and the boy in front of you. “So what is it?”

“This, is my Stark Internship. This stuff is the webbing that Spider-man uses. I made it myself,” he said, looking awfully proud of his creation.

“Wait, theres no way. Why would Tony Stark ask a sixteen year old to make Spider-man’s web fluid?” you asked, placing one hand on your hip and looking closely at the bottle.

“It’s a story for another day. Look, I can prove to you that this is the web fluid. Do you trust me?” he said, holding out a hand, which you reluctantly took.

“I guess so, why? How do you plan on proving it?” he again neglected to answer the question, taking the bottle from your hand and pulling you away from the school. You walked with him until the two of you reached an alleyway, your skepticism only growing.

He placed his bag down on the floor, reaching into it. He dug around for a moment, before seemingly landing on what he was looking for. He pulled out a small contraption, it looked like a high tech bracelet of some sort.

“You pulled me all the way out here for a damn bracelet?” you asked, growing frustrated with the boy for the lack of answers you were receiving.

“Just watch, its worth it, I promise.” He said, pulling the gadget onto his wrist. He stepped away from you, aiming his hand at a fire escape that was around three stories high.

“Are you sure this isn’t dangerous, Peter? What if you fall?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest. He shot you a smile, before shooting his web at the fire escape. It brought him up effortlessly, and he landed with such grace that it seemed like he’d done this a million times over.

You stood there, mouth agape, as the realization dawned on you.

Holy shit, Peter Parker is Spider-man.

[hollowbastionsurvivor]

Episode 2 - "COUNT TO FOUR JOSH YOU DON’T HAVE IT" ~Ellie

Tribal Immunity: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/629914023394148352/tribal-immunity-2

Christina is wary about pre-game relationships in her tribe. There is merit to those words, but will she be able to navigate through it?

I do not have a lot to say, nor am I sure we are in round 2. 

~~~~~

Dylan becomes increasingly frustrated with Emma

https://youtu.be/GBC1n4Vxdno

~~~~~

Emma believes that someone else on her tribe has an idol when she is the one that has the idol. She believes there must be two idols on one tribe.

I hope six guesses are enough in, honestly, do not know the timeframe. As I was doing this, I also had to talk to 3 others and not appear suspicious because they are not the people who kindly take people of my quite weird assholeness. We are all people, and I am just trying to keep us all from tribal because everyone is afraid of that happening again. The fact that I can not discuss this with anyone sucks a lot!

~~~~~

Well, I think Amy also tried. Hopefully, Amy could do it in 3 tries, as it should have been done in 3. 🙏🙃 We have intelligent people with math skills! 🙌🥳. I know someone has to have the speed to do it on either tribe.

I’m kind of annoyed because I know there’s a group in heartless tribe that knows each other from previous games and obviously works together. No way you’re all online til 3AM for no reason. It makes me nuts because I feel like I’m fucked from the start and I’m just waiting to get taken out. There’s no way to infiltrate a group that’s already bonded over these games. It’s hard to strategize when adaora isn’t online, Emma is Emma, and the other four are working together. Kevin and Colin sort of act like I’m someone they want to go to the end with, but I’m 99.99% sure that’s absolutely false. It’s too early to feel this defeated. 

Permitted who I believe I am allied with to vote me out, but asked to be told before they do (if need be), so that I can give one the immunity idol to them.

~~~~~

Believe this is a 3 vs 4, also potential of 5 vs 2. I could be on either side of that. I actually do hope we have tribal so this can be figured out to be 100 % honest. This is how I currently feel and this all is subject to change. I do not understand this. But I love the idol hunts and tribal group Immunity Challenges! I expected and was excited for a spreadsheet and we get a random color challenge. Pure luck really. It could have been done in 4 tries, 3 if you are that brilliant. I wish the tribe would talk more. It is annoying to me that there are so many individual private chats and also do enjoy the individual time to bond with those who are willing to do that work. To be frank, I did not mean to post the initial post into Tribal Chat, but I did. 🙋‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️The next one's were for a reason. I do think that the game is going well. Just wish TC more active & wondering if going to next challenge I wonder if Tribal Council will be more honest this time. Think it was BS they all did not have to respond as well. That's it. All STB and you know, I do not know what anyone is saying.

~~~~~

Results: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/629999426614804480/mastermind-results

Dylan wins the reward. They are able to find out that the exact prerequisites for a path in the idol hunt. They did not end up using it.

So we won immunity which is cool. I feel like merge is gonna be soon, so that's cool. i'm pretty sure we would have a target for the next vote if we go to tribal, so that's exciting. stay tuned! xoxo gossip girl 

Told you it should have been done in 3 tries... Glad we won!

~~~~~

People begin to grow wary of Adaora’s inactivity. Christina is worried she might have to lose a number if Adaora doesn’t get more active

https://youtu.be/oSOwH1J4ZNI

We won tribal!!! Yay Dylan for doing such an incredible job! Glad tribe is doing well. 

~~~~~

This edit logic stuff I do not get. Glad we didn't go to tribal. Super excited for today!

~~~~~

This edit logic has some of the tribe talking. Some are assuming the wrong things from what I see, including myself (until I clarified how this is edgic may work, which still makes no sense). I don't know who to believe or trust anymore, so I am glad to be having a medical procedure that allows me to not be awake for 4 hours! 🙌😴😇 People are straight-up lying to one another, so this is interesting. I have tried to be quiet, make some relationships, cultivate others, and still am lost. All this is subject to change and stuff...

Well holy shit. After two days of failed attempts, I was able to get an idol! First I found the Ends of the Earth Keyblade, which gave me half of the Darkness Idol. Today, I found the Destiny’s Embrace Keyblade and completed it!! It basically gives me the power to force a vote between two people 💃🏽 Hopefully I don’t get voted out with it lmao Other than that, I’m really glad we won immunity last night. I was SO confident I had the best score with only 4 guesses, but props to Dylan for somehow doing it in 3! We destroyed Nobody Tribe and that’s all that matters. 

IM SO HAPPY WE WON IMMUNITY. I have no time to deal with tribal, so I'm glad I don't have to. I have no idea whats gonna happen on the other tribe for their vote. Obv I hope Ellie survives because I love her, buttt I also wouldn't mind seeing how I can play a survivor game without her for once uwu. So im kinda indifferent about it all!! Im continuing to vibe with Christina and Kevin, theyre quickly becoming some of my faves, but i truly love everyone on our tribe. Tribe swap soon OwO????

Honestly, I haven’t been as active as I should with my tribe. I’ve just been super busy and I feel like I’m going to get voted out just because I haven’t been in contact as much. I lowkey don’t care anymore though. Or maybe I’m just too busy, idk. I really have to step my game up I feel like I’m in danger since Gizmo is gone! 

Tribal Council: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630096410501611520/tribal-council-1-nobody-tribe

~~~~~

Tribal Immunity: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/629914023394148352/tribal-immunity-2

So I just finished the Mastermind Immunity challenge and finished and only took me 5 guesses. Now, I'm hoping my tribe pulled through so we can get another win. And I'm hoping everyone else did worse than me so I can win the reward

Mastermind was fun! I messed up twice which is so frustrating. Ugh I really wanted to do better. Hopefully our team wins. If not it will be interesting 

John finds the Blindfold

Well y’all here I am with yet another advantage in my pocket, I have a safety without power and now I also have a blindfold. I’m not gonna tell a soul about either of these until I need to. I’m planning on holding these until I can use them to make a big move in this game. 

Kim wins the reward. They are able to find out that the exact prerequisites for a path in the idol hunt.

Results: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/629999426614804480/mastermind-results

Ellie is in a really good spot. She doesn’t intend to be loyal to John and Josh. A lot of people like her, and want to work with her. For this round, she shouldn’t dictate votes if she wants to lengthen her stay in the game. Her closest ally seems to be Kim

So we lost, BUT It’s great for me!! I need to see who I can trust/work with early on and tribal is the only true way to do that. I’m in a pretty good spot rn, already have an alliance (which I don’t honestly plan on staying loyal to) lots of people that claim they want to work with me, and the person I’m working closest with won a reward in the challenge! I’ll keep y’all updated on how this goes

Josh targets Kim and Jordan in the Misfits, possibly fearing the reward. Ellie attempts to sway him away from that.

So we just lost the Immunity Challenge and now we have to vote someone out. I'm looking towards pushing for Jordan to go because he got the highest amount of guesses on our tribe and he is not in my alliance

Well we lost that challenge . I can't believe the other tribe had someone who finished with a score of 3 and most with like 4. WHAT. At least i won reward.Currently it seems like its Jordan vs Josh and John.I'm stuck now because I know Josh and John could be a pair to be feared .

~~~~~

So i have just been told that Josh is gunning for me .All i can say is you can swing but make sure you don't miss 

~~~~~

Josh and John are seen as a duo

This game can really flip on a dime. Just a few hours ago i was all for getting Jordan out as the easy vote , which i should have known was too good to be true , and now I'm working with Jordan to get Josh out because he's trying to get me out . Fun .

WELL. My bad. Did not do good. Hopefully the target will not be me because I didn’t do so well. I think the misfits alliance is leaning towards Jordan. Which I agree. As long as it’s not me 😅 I’m going to talk to Jordan and see how’s he’s feeling/what he thinks. 

So we lost the challenge...I thought I did great and I ended up tying for one of the worst scores. Idol hunts haven’t gone well, I believe someone has one already. I know Josh is going for me..I’m pretty sure John and Jessica are with him, and hopefully nobody else...I’m trying to get a solid with with Ellie, Kim, Daniel and myself. I don’t know if it’s going to work out but it’s my only plan this far. I’m expecting at least 3 votes at tribal

It’s honestly can’t believe we lost! Kudos to the other team for guessing correctly... 😒 Now the fun begins... I have no idea who’s getting voted out. I have a few close relationships with Jordan and with Josh, but seems like they both want each other out... I don’t know what I’m going to do.

~~~~~

Josh forms the Misfits alliance with Ellie, John, and Jessica so that he can have a majority.

Josh expresses concern about an idol being played on Jordan to Ellie and John. He tells him his grand plan to vote out Jordan.

Kim expresses to Ellie idol paranoia. Ellie rats to him about Josh going against him very quickly and willingly. She is not afraid to throw people under the bus when they are being messy.

The tribal is seemingly Jordan vs Josh

A split vote begins to be talked about between the Misfits with John and Josh spearheading the discussion. Josh volunteers to get his name thrown around to keep people’s scent off him and John’s intent to vote Jordan.

Josh causes a lot of unnecessary chaos by spreading lies and deceit. He throws out everyone’s name to everyone to get people against each other. He tells Kim to target Ellie, and tells Ellie that Jordan said that. Daniel rats out Jordan to Josh, making him suspicious

COUNT TO FOUR JOSH YOU DONT HAVE IT

Tonight was hectic. Everyone was scrambling around trying to figure out who the target is. Everyone's name was brought up. I didn't hear mine but I'm pretty certain Jordan threw it out. Ellie was very suspicious tonight as she was online for a long time but was not responding to any messages. I brought up an idea to blindside her but I quickly shot it down because it was too early to make that big of a move. We eventually settled on voting Jordan. John, Daniel, Kim, Ellie, and Jess are down. I just hope they stick to their word and that Jordan doesn't play an idol. This has been so stressful

THIS TRIBE IS SO MESSY OMFG . Now Josh is trying to get me to vote out Daniel, Daniel ratted me and Ellie out , I ratted Josh out to Daniel to gain his trust , Daniel doesn't trust Jordan because i ratted Daniel out to Jordan and Jordan ratted that information out .LORD HAVE MERCY THE MESS. 

~~~~~

Ellie, Jordan, and Kim form an alliance (Idrk). It is now Ellie, Jordan, Kim vs. John, Jordan, and Jessica. The J’s do not realize that they do not have Ellie on their side as she has successfully been ratting them out.

Daniel seems to be the swing vote. 

I'm probably going to eat my words again , but Daniel and I firmed a connection after I told him Josh wanted him out and I'm feeling good about it. 

Hey it’s me again. Haha. Soo I heard my name go out there by Jordan, which makes sense because we both had the highest scores. Jordan hasn’t replied to my last message so I’m going to say it’s true. Guess what Jordan, I’m voting you out. And I’m fighting to get you out. Side note, there was talk that Ellie may be double crossing the misfits alliance. Therefore, The guys considering back dooring her. But I think I shut that down. Even if it’s true I don’t think she’s after me. I’m not voting out a girl. Especially since we are the only two. So I hope she at least has my back, because I have hers. I also really trust Kim and josh. I haven’t talked much to John but I trust him for now since he’s in the misfits alliance. And I don’t trust Daniel at all. But I’ll play nice.   Anyways, BYEEE JORDAN. Not going to miss you. Xo

So we lost the immunity challenge today..not good. Especially because I tied at performing the worst with another tribe mate. I am very concerned with how things will potentially go tomorrow. Josh has had it out for me for days now, ever since I assumed him and josh were partners. It seems most of the tribe is on edge as far as who to vote for and who to side with. My plan right now is to group together Ellie, Kim, and Daniel, to vote out one of the other three. This has been a freakin roller coaster, I go from thinking everything is fine and dandy one minute, then the next everything is screwed. I feel like I can trust Kim and Ellie, Daniel I am praying is on my side because if he isn’t, it may be all over for me..my worst fear is that everything will to my way but then an idol could be played to screw my plans. since josh is going for me I’m assuming he will think I’m going to get him too, therefore I intend on targeting John or Jessica in case josh wants to play an idol. I hope things feel more solid tomorrow..

~~~~~

John is wary and is contemplating whether or not to utilize his Safety Without Power tonight. People are being quiet with him which feeds into his paranoia.

Ellie, Jordan, and Kim finalize that they will be voting for Josh.

So looks like Josh is officially our target. I realllly hope this tribal goes well because I feel our group of four, being Ellie, Kim, Dan, and myself will grow so strong if we all vote the way we are supposed to. I still feel like it would be a miracle for me to not get as least 3 votes tonight. I’m coming for you Josh!!!

~~~~~

Josh feels very comfortable about tribal. He doesn’t realize that the allies he thinks he has have all turned on him.

I need to leave a confession so enjoy my screaming (this is directly from my host chat so I apologize for lack of context) Ellie, 6:39 PM YES THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR Ellie, 6:40 PM Jessica and Jordan getting the highest scores works awesome in my favor as well Ellie, 6:41 PM I need to see who I can actually work with/trust so I’m glad we lost Ellie, 6:41 PM And Kim getting the reward is also great for me Ellie, 6:48 PM You guys wanna say any names? lol WHO IS THIS MAN DJXJDJDJD Ellie, 6:51 PM He wants Jordan so I’m just gonna go along with it Ellie, 6:51 PM Well not necessarily but I mean imma say that I am Ellie, 6:51 PM I have absolutely no reason to keep Jordan Ellie, 6:56 PM Ok so right now it’s definitely looking like josh or Jordan Ellie, 6:57 PM It’s so early to flip on my alliance Ellie, 6:57 PM But like whatever I do I’m definitely voting with kim Ellie, 6:57 PM And Kim wants to keep Jordan rn for numbers sake which is fair Ellie, 6:58 PM I mean I’ll find a way to get numbers no matter where I go Ellie, 6:59 PM Jordan found the spot where the idol that I have was, cute Ellie, 7:01 PM It’s way to early in the game for me to make a big move Ellie, 7:01 PM I need to find a majority and stick with it Ellie, 7:01 PM So I guess we have to convince Daniel to vote with us Ellie, 7:02 PM But I hate putting my trust in just one person that I’m not super super close with like that Ellie, 7:02 PM KIMS TALKING ABOUT THE IDOL AND WENT Unless you have it of course Ellie, 7:02 PM HES ONTO ME SJFNSJRJSJ Ellie, 7:02 PM DO I TELL HIM👀 Ellie, 7:03 PM I’m gonna say I don’t for now Ellie, 7:09 PM Kim is dead-set on josh so looks like we’re doing josh Ellie, 7:09 PM It’s to early for me to make decisions or at least to make them and be obvious about it Ellie, 7:09 PM I just need to subtly guide people to the person I need gone and keep my name out of it Ellie, 7:14 PM There’s so much idol speculation going on and I’m just 👁👄👁 Ellie, 7:24 PM They’ve 100% confirmed the idol is not there much faster than I would’ve liked Ellie, 8:06 PM The amount of J names is so confusing Ellie, 8:08 PM And we’ve full circled back to voting jessica Ellie, 8:37 PM THERES SO MUCH GOING ON MY GOD Ellie, 8:39 PM IM SO CONFUSED YOU GOTTA LET ME FOGURE THIS OUT BEFORE I TRY TO TYPE IT New day Raffy, 11:18 AM Who are you really planning on voting out? Ellie, 11:18 AM Josh Ellie, 11:18 AM Although Jordan still might want Jessica Ellie, 11:22 AM But I need josh out Raffy, 11:23 AM Why do you need him out? Ellie, 11:48 AM His plans hurt my head

~~~~~

John uses his Safety Without Power for no reason as his name was not being thrown out. This will put a big target on his back going into subsequent rounds if his tribe has to go to tribal again.

Oop I just used my SWP because I don’t trust any of these snakes. Someone is going out tonight and it’s not me. Now I’m just gonna pray for a tribe swap so I can sell these nobodies down the river. 

We are about to go to tribal... I was very close with Josh and was going to vote out Jordan because that seemed to be the consensus. That was until Kim and I solidified a deal and basically figured out Josh was playing everyone. Kim told me Josh made a final deal with him and after much talking, we realized Josh was putting everyone against each other. So we figured out a plan for tonight and we are hoping no one plays an idol.

Tribal Council: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630096410501611520/tribal-council-1-nobody-tribe

Josh voted out

~~~~~

Edgic:

[despairforme]

[Hey wanna come & watch a movie l8r][I'll order food 4 us][If u don't wanna come it's ok] Grimmjow was on his bed as he sent the texts. Unfortunately, he wasn't feeling too good physically. But, that could be from the withdrawals he was having. Cold, shaking, sweaty, and nauseous. He REALLY wanted to see his boyfriend though, so he sent a final text. [I miss u] Too bad he'd accidentally overdose a few hours prior to movie night. Unconscious on his bed, barely breathing, and a needle in his hand.

     ❝ Someone’s popular. ❞ His ‘ colleague ‘ commented as Nnoitra came down the stairs that led backstage to the locker room where the fighters would wait in between matches. Nnoitra assumed that the guy was talking about the good round of applause that he had just gotten. It hadn’t been anything special. The crowd was always eager to see him fight, and they let that be known through cheers and applause.

     ❝ Same as usual. ❞ Nnoitra replied somewhat flatly, rolling his shoulders in a vague shrug as he passed the guy. Next, he dropped himself down on the bench by his locker, pretending to stretch, like what he’d just gone through in the ring had been enough to cause him to need that. 

     ❝ Yeah, no, that’s not what I meant. Your phone kept receiving texts. ❞ The man pointed at Nnoitra’s locker, where his phone was. In the past, Nnoitra hadn’t used to bring his phone to work, since the only person who ever texted him was his manager. However, after he started dating Grimmjow, he brought it, in the hopes that he would receive a call or something like that. Sometimes, he would text Grimmjow too, even if it was late at night.

     Upon hearing that he had received multiple texts, there was no hiding the excitement that bubbled up in him, expressing itself on his face in the form of a grin. His colleague arched a brow. ❝ Nnoitra has a girlfriend! The apocalypse is near! ❞ The mocking words were said in a friendly enough tone so that Nnoitra didn’t feel the need to punch his teeth in ( and in any case, he didn’t have time for that, he had to check the messages! ). He quickly unlocked the little aluminium door, and fished out his phone from his hoodie.

     FOUR new messages! All from Grimmjow! Quickly, Nnoitra read through them.

     The messages gave him mixed feelings. First of all, he was happy that Grimmjow asked him to hang out. Second, he was thankful for the fact that he’d be getting food. And thirdly, he was confused about why Grimmjow would think that he didn’t want to hang out with him. The most important part was the forth and last part though - that he was missed. Just those three words of the last message made Nnoitra’s chest heat up, and he let out a breath. Texting back was surprisingly easy. Probably because, to Nnoitra, talking to Grimmjow came naturally, so why would texting be any different?

text to: grimmjow - 「?????」

text to: grimmjow - 「ofc i wanna come over」

text to: grimmjow - 「im @ work rn but imma c if i can gt off erly」

text to: grimmjow - 「miss u 2」

text to: grimmjow - 「imma b over in 2h ok?」

text to: grimmjow - 「miss u」

     When he read through the texts, he realized he’d said that he missed him twice. Oh well. He DID miss him! He could’ve added that he couldn’t wait to see him, but, that would be a bit too much, right? He could tell him face to face instead. Oh, and he was also going to tell him that he should stop being so insecure. Tch. Saying that it was okay if he didn’t want to come over. What kind of bullshit was that? Grimmjow really needed more confidence. It was Nnoitra’s job to give that to him, right? He had to make him understand that he ALWAYS wanted to be around him.

     Nnoitra nodded to himself. ALRIGHT, now he had a mission. He was going to tell Grimmjow exactly what was on his mind once they saw each other, in like - two hours. He had a feeling he’d be fucking kicking ass for the rest of the night! The quicker he finished his fights, the sooner he could see Grimmjow!

     About 1 hour and 45 minutes later, Nnoitra was strolling down the street, heading for Grimmjow’s little apartment. The night was a bit chilly, and Nnoitra made a mental note to dig out his coat from under the bed. That’s where he had put it, right? Mah, he could also buy a new one… He had the money now. He wasn’t some poor ass punk. He was, in fact, a pretty well-established adult now, wasn’t he? He had a job, a boyfriend, an apartment. He had traveled - wasn’t all of this on the ‘ adult check list ‘? Probably.

     The familiar sight of Grimmjow’s apartment ( and bar ) came into view, and Nnoitra picked up his pace. In less than a minute, he was over by the door. Bruised knuckles tapped not-so-lightly against the frame. In the stillness of the night, the sound was louder than Nnoitra had expected. Not a single noise came from inside the apartment. Had Grimmjow fallen asleep? It wasn’t that late! Or maybe it was for someone who worked normal hours? Nnoitra knocked again, just to be sure. He knew Grimmjow was a heavy sleeper, but hell, even he couldn’t sleep through that loud knocking sound, right? 

     ❝ Ey, Grimmjow? Ya in there? Ya sleepin’? What happened ‘ta missin’ me? ❞ A joke. Nnoitra realized he made it because the feeling that was slowly seeping through him was anxiety. An empty apartment gave him flashbacks to how his last relationship had ended. With him being abandoned. Was that happening AGAIN?! No, no, he was being stupid. There was no way Grimmjow would just leave like that. He was probably asleep, or maybe he had gone out to buy cigarettes, or maybe he’d gone to meet Nnoitra. Maybe they had passed each other. But the streets had been so empty…

     He decided to call Grimmjow, and ask him where he was. His phone was pulled up from his pocket, and he quickly found the other’s contact details, and pressed ‘ call ‘. A short moment passed, before he heard Grimmjow’s ringtone from behind the door. That idiot had gone out without bringing his phone? Just when they were going to meet up? Nnoitra tried to hold onto that theory, even if it was falling apart. What was he supposed to do now, just wait outside the door like an idiot? Should he go home? The door was probably locked—

     No, it wasn’t. With the door handle pressed down, Nnoitra could pull the door open, and look inside. The lighting in the room was dim. It was probably alright if he waited here. Grimmjow would be back soon. Nnoitra entered, and closed the door behind him. He would just chill in bed, that would be fine.

     OR NOT.

     Damn, Grimmjow really was a heavy sleeper! Because there he was, lying on the bed ( fully dressed for some reason ). Nnoitra walked over, with the intention of waking him up to jokingly ask him where the food was. But, as he approached, he realized that something was wrong. It looked like Grimmjow’s chest wasn’t even moving. Nnoitra knelt down for a better look, and that’s when he spotted the needle in the other’s hand. Despite never having seen a scene like this before ( in real life anyway ), Nnoitra quickly put together what had happened.

     ❝ Grimmjow! ❞ He grabbed his boyfriend’s shoulder, shaking it almost violently to try to wake him up. The attempt had no effect. ❝ Wake up! Wake ‘da fuck up! ❞ Again, nothing happened. SHIT! Shit, shit, fuck — WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO!? He didn’t know what kind of drugs Grimmjow had taken, and even if he had known, that wouldn’t have helped. Was he even breathing? His chest wasn’t moving! Or was it? A bit? Nnoitra leaned in over Grimmjow, to try and feel his breath against his ear. Thankfully, he was breathing! But only just. He needed help! Nnoitra was not the help he needed. He needed some professional help. At least Nnoitra wasn’t too useless to know that he had to dial 911.

     So that’s exactly what he did.

     The call itself was almost a blur to Nnoitra. His hand was shaking while he held his phone up to his ear, and his voice was a mess of cracks and stutters, while he explained to the woman at the other end of the line what had happened. He didn’t even know the address so he tried to explain where the location was. This wasted time. Nnoitra didn’t know how urgent this all was, or what could happen to Grimmjow. With his vacant hand, he was clenching his boyfriend’s shirt, scared that if he let go, it would ALL be over.

     ❝ ‘S gonna be okay. ❞ Was he saying it to Grimmjow, or to himself? The apartment was silent again, now that the phone call had ended. Nnoitra almost wanted to hold his breath to listen for sirens in the distance. He was still holding onto Grimmjow’s shirt, hard enough for his hand to turn even paler than usual. If something happened to Grimmjow—

     Something HAD already happened to him! How the fuck could Nnoitra not have known that he was taking drugs? There was a chance that this was his first time, but the chances of that were slim. It was much more likely that Nnoitra had been too dense to notice! Then there was that inevitable thought: What if Grimmjow had done it on purpose? What if he had actually tried to kill himself? It was all Nnoitra’s fault. If he had noticed that something was wrong… If he’d just asked about stuff! He should’ve made sure that he was alright! Not just assume that he was! God he was so fucking selfish! ❝ Please, just be okay. ❞ Now, he was talking to Grimmjow. ❝ Please, please…’Da only thing that matters ‘s that yer okay. ❞ This wasn’t the time for Nnoitra to be selfish, and make this about himself. Grimmjow was the ONLY thing that mattered.

     It felt like a fucking eternity before the unmistakable sound of an ambulance cut through the eerie silence that had fallen upon the room. The only thing that had been heard before this was Nnoitra’s shallow, shaking breathing. He had to let go of Grimmjow now, to go outside and make sure that the ambulance stopped in the right place so that Grimmjow could get help as soon as possible. Reluctantly, he freed the grip on the other’s shirt, and his fingers ached.

     Once outside the door, he waved and yelled to get the ambulance to stop. It actually did work, and a whole team of medical staff soon rushed into the building. Nnoitra just did his best to not be in the way. He knew he’d done all he could, even if he really wanted to continue being by Grimmjow’s side. One of the paramedics asked Nnoitra a few, quick questions, which he did his best to answer. The whole scene was so hectic and rushed, and Nnoitra had the strange feeling of being left behind. Like he wasn’t supposed to be here, or like this was all MEANT to happen without him. How was he supposed to know that he was simply in a state of shock?

     The paramedics were all very professional, but, at the same time, they were friendly, and one of them made sure that Nnoitra got a spot in the ambulance, so that he could come with his ‘ friend ‘ to the hospital. The sirens were loud even from inside the car. Nnoitra had never been in an ambulance before, but didn’t think much of it. The thought that was on his mind, no matter how selfish it was, was the question: Had Grimmjow done it on purpose?

[futuristicallyyoungbeard-blog]

Kirstie Street

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In May this year I started 5-15-2016 on the LCHF planning as well as I have actually certainly not tallied calories. Only don't eat for two or 3 times and also just choose water as well as some fruit products, you feel therefore really good and also your skin layer is actually radiant and you loose upto 10 pounds or even more, I performed this last month and also shed around 10 to 12 extra pounds only in pair of days, you have to be actually solid from temptation and afterwards the moment you are actually performed, try to consume healthier meals as well as chip in for junk now an after that a little and you can easily maintain of the body weight. I discovered that is actually the guy I intend to be. I wish to love on my own no matter weight management, increase, skin layer or results. The initial two weeks from the diet regimen are quite stringent; along with only 20g from carbohydrates and also quick weight management, which may absolutely improve inspiration. They're criticized for the body weight gain, since when our experts consume carbs, this starts putting our blood sugar up, which is actually wonderfully usual, yet as our blood glucose begins to increase, the physical body releases insulin.

On her latest incident entitled' The Friend Diet regimen,' Happiness went over a new diet she is actually trying to come to be a lot more knowledgeable about just what she is actually eating on a day-to-day manner. One more potential cause that could discuss why diet plan has a light benefit is that exercise improves one's appetite, when you burn calories throughout the workout session, the microorganism indicators you to replace all of them. I add i realise this short article would certainly not be actually fully in charge of any type of trait like that if it were to im certain they like Coke too much anyway sadly. Atkins was a bit far better than the various other diet regimens, in relations to lasting (one year) weight loss.