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soramei · 3 years

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Intentional - Part 1

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Landing your first real job at JYPE was something short of a miracle. You were prepared to face the new struggles of this elusive career whilst moving to a new country, however, nothing could have prepared you for him. Will stolen glances, secret touches, and hushed nights spent in the recording room ever be enough for the both of you?

Genre: idol!bang chan au, forbidden relationship, coworkers to eventual lovers, slow burn

Warnings: none right now, eventual smut,

Word Count: 7.3k

Masterlist

A/N: hey yall this is my first ff im posting on tumblr :D im kinda scared to post but i hope anybody who stumbles on lil ol’ me will join me along the way :) also important!!! i made oc/reader asian cus i am lol (and this whole thing is basically a glorified self insert) so plz keep this in mind when reading!! oh god i didnt realize how slow this first part was sry...

The cold silence of the room felt like stabs at your inside. You commanded your feet to stop bouncing up and down as you unconsciously started to bite off the dead skin of your bottom lip. The white corporate light from above reflected off your brand new lanyard hanging delicately from your neck. You felt the coarse blue fabric rub against your neck as you mindlessly fiddled with your lanyard; the newly printed photo of your face stared back at you with a smile.

The creak of the door to your left was what broke you from your nervous fidgets. Whipping your head up from your lanyard, you immediately stood up ready to bow to whoever came through that door.

It was a girl. She looked around the same age as you, if not older. Her attire was what gave her away. Her appearance essentially mirrored yours: hair tied back into a ponytail with a white blouse and black work pants. She also had the familiar blue ‘JYPE’ labeled strap hanging from her neck.

“Hello,” you spoke meekly, scared to disturb the cold silence that had a hold on the room you were in.

“Hello,” she replied. “My name is Choi Na-eun, I’m the new social media strategist intern and today is my first day.”

This is so relieving, you thought, another newbie to share the stress with me.

“This is my first day too,” you perked up, “I’ll be starting as the new junior Chinese marketing assistant.”

Getting the acceptance email from JYP Entertainment was definitely a high point in your life. The feeling of butterflies swarming your insides as you clicked the email open only to see your acceptance was immediately locked as a core memory. All the years of memorizing thousands of Korean and English vocabulary flashcards, the panic attacks before your finance exams, and the many, many late night coffee breaks were worth it the moment you received your first legitimate job offer, and from the esteemed JYP Entertainment company no less.

“Chinese marketing?” Na-eun asked. “So you aren’t from here, I take it.”

You shook your head. “I am from China. I completed my degree a while ago with a major in Language and a minor in Business. To be honest, I’ve done internships back home, but it’s been my dream to move to a new country.”

All of what you said was true. Up until now, your surroundings have never changed in all of your twenty-three years living. From the walk with your grandmother to daycare to the vast campus of your university, the view of your city has never changed. Your social circle stayed stagnant since you were able to talk and your love life was — for a lack of a better word — uneventful.

It wasn’t until the day you decided to start applying for careers outside your home country that you felt hopeful. Hopeful that you could find an escape from your inert lifestyle and escape the burnout and stress that has been building up over the years. And so, on a day when you were feeling unusually confident, you gathered up the courage and spent hours sending out applications to organizations all over Asia that pertained to your specific degree. The applications were mainly for small jobs at small companies, however, your strange spike of motivation gave you the confidence to apply to the everso esteemed JYP Entertainment located in Korea. Of course you knew about this company — you and your friends played songs by ‘Twice’ nonstop back in highschool — but you didn’t realize the full power that this company had on the entertainment market until you did your full research. To say that you thought you had no chance was an understatement. This application was so far of a reach that you purposefully forced your mind to erase all memory of even applying.

However, with your education, your work experience, and whatever tiny bit of luck you had, you somehow made it through the initial application process. Then the next. And the next. Then the interview. And now, you were nervously sitting in this white painted room with Na-eun, in a completely new country, waiting for your manager to come greet you.

“So you’re from China? You’ve got to teach me chinese sometime.” Na-eun smiled.

You giggled in return while nodding your head. You were relieved that you’ve met a potential friend so early in your career in this company. This was one of your big worries. With your social circle being so stagnant for the majority of your life back in China, you rarely had the opportunity to meet new people, much less make new friends.

You were about to inquire more into Na-eun’s life when the door to your left abruptly opened. In the blink of an eye, three new people strutted in — two women and one man. They seemed to be higher status than you and Na-eun judging by their attire. All three were styled in some type of blazer and dress pants and there was no lanyard to be found on any of them.

“Hello new employees,” the man greeted. Judging by his face, he looked to be in his late thirties at the least. His hair was styled back neatly and his lips slanted up, giving him a fox-like appearance. “I am Executive Manager Kim. Joined beside me on the left is Social Media Manager An and to my right is Marketing Manager Chen.”

Both you and Na-eun immediately stood up to bow and introduce yourselves.

“Hello. My name is Choi Na-eun, I’m the new social media strategist intern.” Na-eun said.

“Hello. My name is y/n, I’m the new junior Chinese marketing assistant.” You repeated after her, copying exactly what she said. You did not want to screw anything up on your first day, especially your first impression.

Manager Kim reached over to Na-eun, introducing himself and giving her a firm handshake. He then slowly moved over to you, and reached for your hand.

“Y/n,” he gave time for your name to settle on his tongue as he gave a sly smile. “You’re not from here, aren't you?”

You shook your head ‘no’. “No, sir. I’m from China where I studied language and business. I hope to do well here as the Chinese marketing assistant.” You replied, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so timid.

“I’m glad to hear,” Manager Kim chuckled, “I’m sure you’ll treat me and your other managers well.”

You felt an uncomfortable shiver pass through you as he brushed his thumb along your hand before letting go. This feeling was excused as nervousness, after all, this was your first day and your first time meeting your higher-ups.

You introduced yourself to Manager Chen, assuming that she would be the one you were to assist in your time here at JYPE. Judging by her last name, you presumed that she was Chinese as well.

“Forgive me for being so straight up Manager Chen, but are you Chinese?” You asked.

“That is alright, y/n,” she smiled, “I’m not. My Husband is, but I’ve lived in China for more than half my life. I don’t want to brag, but my mandarin has gotten proficient over the past decade or so.”

Proficient? It’s amazing. You thought. This first day was turning out better than you thought. Other than the weird feeling you received from Manager Kim, everything was turning out splendid. A potential friend and a manager that could speak your first language.

“Since it’s about noon right now,” Manager Kim took a look at his watch, “What do you all think about some lunch?”

The other managers nod their heads in agreement and gestures for you and Na-eun to follow them out of the waiting room you were in for so long.

The whole building seemed so clean. With every corner lit, by natural light or artificial light, you could clearly see that every room, every piece of furniture and decor had been purposefully placed. You couldn’t help but have a stupid look of awe plastered on your face as you mindlessly follow your superiors over to the cafeteria.

You turned your head over to Na-eun and gave her a tilt of the eyebrow, silently saying wow, this is where we work.

With the turn of a corner and several silent strides, your little group made it to the cafeteria.

The difference between your claustrophobic waiting room and this vast room was astonishing. With countless tables and romantic yellow lighting, this place almost resembled a five star restaurant. You’ve never seen a cafeteria as extravagant and clean as this before. However, to be fair, you’ve never had the experience of working with such a large corporation before.

The managers led you to the serving station where you grabbed yourself a tray and proceeded to spoon small portions of rice and side dishes onto your plate. This cuisine was different to what you were used to, but nonetheless looked delicious. You were prepared for the small cultural differences, especially with the food, but from everything you’ve witnessed so far, the culture shock would be easier to overcome than what you’ve anticipated.

“Have this soup y/n,” Manager Kim’s grating voice came from in front of you, interrupting your inner monologue. “It’s good for your complexion.”

As Manager Kim hands over the bowl of soup, you feel the sleeve of his blazer brush up against your shoulder, causing the pit of your stomach to drop.

First day nerves. That was what this feeling was. You thought.

You quietly thanked him with a small nod and walked briskly from the service line, trying to find where Na-eun went with the other two managers. Thankfully, they were just a step away and you quickly made your way over to the comfortable spot beside Na-eun. She gave you a small grin and you both followed your way to a table right in the middle of the room.

Soon, all five chairs of the table got filled and sounds of chopsticks tapping and scraping against plates and bowls filled your ears. An awkward silence dominates your table as you start to pick at your food.

“So,” Manager Chen cleared her throat, “after lunch I was thinking we should go to a meeting room and discuss Miss. Y/n’s role in our new project.”

“I was thinking the same for our new Intern Choi.” Manager An cut in, “What do you think, Manager Kim?”

“It all sounds good. I will be accompanying Manager Chen to her meeting room as I wish to also further discuss the preliminary steps for our project.” Manager Kim looked from Manager Chen over to you.

“Project?” You ask.

“We’ve had a very successful year with our idol groups and we wanted to ride this success and start marketing in China. Recently, we’ve noticed a very large and growing Chinese audience for this group. I’m sure you’re very curious now, however we can discuss further details once we are in the meeting room.” Manager Chen replies while taking a sip of the water in her glass.

Manager Chen appeared to be a very professional and respectable woman. With prominent collarbones and wide shoulders, she easily looked the part of a confident and adored manager. She needed minimal makeup to highlight her tall cheekbones, and even with a short heel on her feet she seemed to tower over you. However, her warm and comforting voice was what broke her intimidating demeanour. Just listening to her voice felt like you were back in your high school classroom with your favourite teacher explaining the motif of a sad love poem.

After some more awkward conversations mixed with a few work discussions, the five of you finished the delicious food on your trays.

“Please excuse me whilst I head to the restroom” Na-eun spoke up after your group finished clearing the table.

“Please excuse me as well.” You quickly followed, bowing as you both ventured off to the washrooms.

I should get her number so I’m not completely a loner in this place, you thought to yourself. And so, after a quick inner struggle to speak up, you finally decided to ask.

“Hey, should we exchange contacts? I don’t wanna look like the newbie eating in the cafeteria alone after today.” You chuckled.

“Totally!” Na-eun beamed. “I was actually thinking the same thing…”

And so, you both quickly exchanged each other's contact as you made your way to the restrooms.

The hall of the washrooms were narrow, hidden away from the main cafeteria. You walked in, deciding you only wanted to retouch your hair and makeup before your first official meeting. You carefully fix the loose hairs that somehow escaped the confines of your elastic and dab on a fresh layer of foundation before applying your lipstick which rubbed off while eating. Looking over at Na-eun, you see she’s quite in the zone redoing her mascara.

“Hey, I’ll just wait for you in the hall.” You said.

Na-eun gave you a disinterested nod back as she kept focusing on her mascara.

You walked to the end of the hall, leaned against the wall, and pulled out your phone. Smiling, you opened the virtual Tamagotchi app and saw your little friend staring back at you, bouncing up and down. The bundle of virtual pixels happily bounced as you fed and bathed it, making you happier in return. Playing this game, you were so entranced with your phone that the abrupt closing of the washroom doors broke you out of your hypnosis fast, causing you to flinch and drop your phone.

You looked up, only to see a brown haired man wearing a long sleeved black shirt. The hem of his sleeve fell, covering his hand as he bent down to pick up your phone. He stood back up, fully facing you now and you immediately recognized who he was. You weren’t a fool, of course you did all your research on the artists of JYPE before applying for the job. Looking down at you right now, holding your phone in his hand, was Bang Chan of Stray Kids.

The wispy tufts of his brown hair bounced over his forehead as he stepped over to you. He smiled, his dimple poking out of his cheek, and handed your phone back to you. “I think you dropped this.”

Blushing tomato red, you embarrassingly accepted the phone, trying not to make your shaking hands noticeable. It seemed like that failed, however, as you noticed him glance at your hands and dimple grow deeper.

“Thank you.” You meekly chirped and lowered your head, still in awe that you somehow bumped into a JYPE idol in the bathroom hallway of a cafeteria.

“It’s good that there’s no cracks.” Bang Chan said, looking in your eyes.

You looked back into his eyes. His smile never left his face, and you physically felt the warmth radiating off his body like rays from the sun. Some boring, objective part of your brain knew this interaction only lasted a fraction of a second, but you swore that time froze.

“Hyung!” A distant voice called.

Your trance was broken as Bang Chan looked over to the person calling his name. He turned back to you, politely bowed, and casually sauntered over to the man who called him.

What just happened? Your inner monologue ran, still trying to process the embarrassing interaction. The scent of his cologne lingered, swirling the atmosphere around your body.

Thankfully, you didn’t have too much time to dwell on this interaction as Na-eun finally opened the washroom doors and was making her way toward you.

You and Na-eun trailed behind the managers until you reached the set of elevators. It was there where you had to unfortunately separate from your comfort work buddy as she hopped in the elevator across from yours with Manager An. The other two managers led you to the elevator at the end and pressed the button for your destination floor. The ride in the elevator was silent. You stood there, fiddling with your nails.

Once the elevator gave the ding of arrival, the three of you headed down a hall where you presumed had the meeting room.

Manager Kim took a look at the watch on his wrist. “We are a minute late, everybody should be there already. Enter silently and respectfully.” He said in a stern voice.

You reached the frosted glass door of the meeting room and entered through the already opened door. The managers followed behind you with Manager Chen being the last one in and closing the door.

Your eyes widened at whom you saw.

There was Bang Chan, who sat in all his glory, staring right into your eyes with his mouth ajar. His shocked expression didn't last long, however, as he quickly composed himself to fit with the professional atmosphere of this room.

But why was he here? You thought. He’s an artist, isn’t this a management meeting?

Your inner monologue was broken by Manager Kim’s stern voice. “Y/n, why don’t you sit with me for today?” He asked with a slight tilt of the lips. His hand was hovering above your back, almost guiding you to the seat just right of the head chair.

Your heart rate quickened. There was no way that you could handle sitting right beside a high position manager on your first day. You barely knew what your duties entailed, you definitely could not handle the pressure of this seat today. You whipped your head around to look for Manager Chen. She was already sitting in her seat, looking like she was right at home.

“Manager Kim, if you don’t mind, I would like to sit in this position for today, '' a voice spoke up, “I have a lot of new ideas I’d like to share that are written in my notes.”

Bang Chan.

He paused a brief second, eyes switching between you and Manager Kim, and raised his iPad to show the screen filled with words.

“I don’t mind at all, go ahead.” Manager Kim monotonously replied. He then made his way to the head chair.

You looked over at Bang Chan, trying to subtly send the most grateful facial expression over to him. He returned your look, slightly grinning as his fingers tapped on the screen of his iPad and sat down to the right of Manager Kim. You looked over to see Manager Chen gesturing you to sit in the chair beside her and swiftly made your way over. At your seat, she handed you a notepad and pen, both adorned with the JYPE logo.

“Now, as of 1:02 p.m., September first, the meeting will officially begin.” Manager Kim clasped his hands together on top of the table. “As most of you already know, we are in the preliminary stages of planning a Chinese debut for our artist group ‘Stray Kids’. All we have right now is the estimated timeline, which is four months. We have a basic grasp of the concept we are working towards, however, as you all know, trends are always changing and growing. While we are working to create a new and original concept for Stray Kids, we also want the concept to gather as much audience reception as possible.”

Wow. That was a lot to take in. Your hands struggled to keep up with writing down what Manager Kim was saying. You knew this relatively new group was really starting to explode in the past year, but a debut in another country? This group must work really hard to even have the company consider a step as risky as this. So this is why Bang Chan is also involved in this meeting.

You peaked your head up from your notepad. Bang Chan sat across from you, one hand on his chin and the other one holding the pen to his tablet.

Manager Kim then carefully discussed the duties that each group in the room would take. Many of the jobs were directly involved with developing the concept itself, such as producing music, concept art, and theme development. Your pen never took a break from gliding on the notepad as you hurriedly jotted down everything that Manager Kim said.

Eventually, Manager Kim’s delegations moved to Manager Chen. “Manager Chen, I’ll let you take over from here.”

“Thank you Manager Kim,” Manager Chen cleared her throat. “While my main job here was to market Korean comebacks towards the Chinese audience, this new project changes things up a bit. Now, not only will I be in charge of marketing to the Chinese audience, but I will also be directly in charge of the concept itself. I will be working carefully with our team in China to monitor the trends which we can incorporate into our debut.

“This is my new assistant, y/n,” She turned and gestured to you. You politely nodded your head. “She will be gathering information on useful trends and reporting back to me, as well as some translating. Please report any ideas that you deem useful to her by the end of every week for her to sort through and deliver to me.”

You almost want to call Manager Chen crazy for giving you so much power, after all, you were only starting out as her assistant. Despite this, however, you were determined to go above and beyond with the new responsibilities given to you, after all, you knew that choosing to work in an organization as big as JYPE would take blood, sweat, and tears.

After some clarifications given by Manager Chen and a few more questions directed at her, Manager Kim took the reins back in his hands.

“Now, as I’m sure you all know, this is Bang Chan: the leader of Stray Kids. Although our management team is in charge of this debut, we like to include the opinions of artists whenever possible. He will make an appearance whenever he can and act as a representative of Stray Kids, sharing their ideas and opinions.” Manager Kim explained.

Bang Chan politely introduced himself, and quickly went on to express some concerns of his members. He made sure that each concern was answered thoroughly by Manager Kim before moving on to the next.

“As for our concept ideas,” Bang Chan’s soft brown eyes met yours, “will I have to report to y/n?”

You felt your ears redden.

“You could, yes,” Manager Kim straightened his back, “but if you find the weekly deadlines too much of a problem, you may just report to me or at any subsequent meeting.”

“No worries sir,” Bang Chan’s eyes lingered on yours for a fraction of a second more before grinning at Manager Kim, “I’m always punctual.”

The rest of the meeting consisted of more introductions and preliminary plans. After about an hour, everybody seemed satisfied with the contents of the meeting and were starting to pack up all their clutter on the table. You looked over at Manager Chen, silently asking what should I do next?

Manager Chen smiled. “Let's head to my floor. I can give you a quick tour, you can get settled at your desk. I have some paperwork that I’m almost done with; I’m sure you’ll have no problem finishing it for me.” She already was standing up and straightening over the creases of her jacket.

You stood up as well and followed behind Manager Chen like a lost baby duckling. You both made your way over to Manager Kim to bid farewell. You politely thanked him, said your goodbyes, and were about to leave when he stopped the two of you.

“Manager Chen, let’s go out for drinks tonight.” Manager Kim took a look at the intricate watch on his wrist. “With our whole team, of course. It’ll be a welcoming night and we can get to know the people on our team better.”

“That’s a great idea, Manager Kim,” Manager Chen nodded at his idea in approval. She turned on her iPad to quickly get a glimpse at her schedule. “What do you think y/n? Can you make it tonight? I know this is very last moment, but I think it’ll be a great opportunity for you to get to know your coworkers better.”

“I should be able to make it.” You definitely could make it. You had no plans anyways.

“Am I invited to this top secret party you’re all having?” A now very distinguishable voice came from behind you. Bang Chan stared at Manager Kim with a very mischievous expression.

“Would your manager allow it?” Manager Kim questioned, knitting his eyebrows.

“I’m on a diet, so I can’t drink alcohol or eat anything,” Bang Chan’s nose scrunched up in annoyance, “but I want to be as involved as I can. Just because I’m an idol doesn’t mean I can’t help behind the scenes as well.”

“Very well,” Manager Kim nodded with a fixed expression, “Let’s all meet at that restaurant about a block away west. I’ll go tell the others.” And with that, Manager Kim left you, Manager Chen, and Bang Chan to stand in awkward silence.

“Well,” Bang Chan cleared his throat and clapped his hands together, “I’ll get going as well to do some work now, but it was nice meeting the both of you.”

“You as well.” Manager Chen replied for the both of you and Bang Chan left soon after.

Manager Chen then led you to the elevators again and you headed up yet another few floors to reach your destination. You nervously fiddled with your hair as you silently waited behind your boss, looking up at the smooth lines of her blazer every few seconds. The elevator doors dinged, letting you know of its arrival. The two of you swiftly headed out the elevators and walked to what you presumed was Manager Chen’s office area. You kept following behind Manager Chen in silence before you stopped in front of a set of doors that looked identical to the ones at the previous meeting room. Manager Chen opened the doors for you, and you headed in.

You paused a step in, looking wide-eyed at the interior. The office was clean. A big glass desk sat right in the middle of the vast room in front of a huge set of windows. There were a couple of soft looking chairs placed right before the desk with a huge rug right underneath it. Over to your left, you spotted a water dispenser with a kettle right beside it. You stared at the room a bit longer before realizing you must have looked very stupid with that astonished look on your face.

“Is this your office, Manager Chen?” You asked.

“Yes. It seems that you like it,” She chuckled. You felt the heat rise to your ears.

“Since you’ll be working so close to me, I’m sure you’ll be happy to come here more often.”

“Thanks.” You awkwardly laughed. You blamed your bad response on the fact that you still weren’t familiar with the language, not your blatant awkwardness.

Manager Chen made her way over to her desk, picking up a small stack of papers. “These are some letters I’ve received from several designer companies in China. Since we are still in the very preliminary stages of this project, we would like to keep our options open for the stylists here.” She picks an annotated letter from the pile. “I’ve translated and created a summary of the main points of this letter. There are a few more left which I believe I can trust you with. Just do as I did with this letter and add the sample pictures along with it.”

You quickly complied, taking the stack of papers from her hands.

“I’ll show you to your new work space.” She led you out of your office and over to a cubicle that wasn’t too far away. It was considerably smaller compared to Manager Chen’s office, but you thought it had a certain coziness to it. Plus, working close to your coworkers could also boost your motivation. “Here is your desk, it’s not the most exciting thing, but you may bring photos or whatnot to decorate it. Now, I’ll let you settle in and get started on your work. You can meet me at my office around six, I can double check your work before we leave.”

You thanked her before she left and immediately got started on your work. You diligently translated the whole of the letters before picking out the main points that matched with Manager Chen’s example. After this was done, you included the photos that came with each letter and slipped them into their own cozy folder. This work was monotonous, sure, but it was something you needed on your hectic first day here.

You were so captivated by your work that you completely forgot about the time. The sun was starting to set, and you only remembered to look at the time after you tucked your last letter neatly in its folder. You briefly panicked, praying that you weren’t making your manager wait. Thankfully, it was only a quarter until six. You took the next fifteen minutes double checking your work, making sure to also check the time every once in a while. At exactly six, you left your desk and scurried over to the big doors of Manager Chen’s office.

Knocking a couple times, you waited patiently to be let in.

“Come in.”

You let yourself in, handing the papers to your manager, then sat quietly in one of the chairs before her desk, crossing your fingers together. You fiddled with your thumbs, patiently waiting for Manager Chen to speak up.

“Not bad, this is some decent work.” Manager Chen announced as soon as she finished glossing over your work. “I’ve noted some places that you can either fix or improve. I’ll scan them and hand you a copy tomorrow.”

You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding. A tidal wave of relief washed over you as you let yourself relax further into your chain. Not bad, this is some decent work. You proudly repeated this moment in your brain. Although you were disappointed with the mistakes that you let slip through, to get somewhat of a compliment on your first day meant a lot to you.

“Shall we get going now?” Manager Chen asked.

You grabbed your bag and stood up. “I’ll let you lead the way.”

_______

It seemed like all you were doing on your first day was following Manager Chen around like a lost puppy. The situation right now was no exception either, as you tried to copy her confident strides over to the restaurant a block down. You watched the busy rush hour streets and sidewalks fill with people, some people going home after a long day, some people going to party just like you.

Soon, after a few more minutes of walking, the both of you arrived at the small wooden doors of the restaurants. It seemed like the both of you were a bit late as Manager Kim was already waiting in front of the entrance with the rest of the team. Bang Chan was also there, head down looking at his phone.

“Sorry we’re late, have you been waiting for long?” Manager Chen somehow sounded confident despite making everybody wait on her.

Her voice seemed to have caught everybody’s attention. You watched as Bang Chan swiftly turned his head up from his phone, his eyes making contact with yours. You immediately focused your eyes somewhere else, trying to casually play off the fact that your eyes subconsciously drifted to him.

“We’ve only been waiting for a couple minutes.” Manager Kim gave a tight smile. “Let’s go in before you all get too cold.”

Your little group of around ten people slowly entered the doors, filling the restaurant. Manager Kim called over a waitress, signaling that you had ten people in your group, and let the waitress lead you all to a long wooden table.

The restaurant was nice, nothing too fancy, but that’s how you could tell the food was good. With dim lighting and tightly packed tables, it made you feel fuzzy and warm on the inside.

However, your thoughts on the restaurant were soon broken by a hand on your shoulder.

“Y/n, why don’t you sit with me?” Manager Kim’s lips curled up, “After all, this is a work gathering, how good of a boss would I be if I didn’t even treat my newest team member to a drink?”

Your brain was in shambles. You seriously didn’t feel comfortable sitting with him all night. However, the logical side of your brain was saying something different. He’s just being nice as a boss. You don’t know how people in this country act anyways, stop being paranoid.

It seemed like your inner turmoil was taking longer than necessary, as you heard another familiar voice speak up.

“Manager Kim-” Bang Chan called out.

“You don’t need to sit with me here, Bang Chan.” Manager Kim chuckled as he stared directly in Bang Chan’s eyes. “I’d rather not talk about work outside the office.”

You watched as Bang Chan’s eyebrows furrowed, looking back to you in reluctance. You smiled at him before turning your attention to Manager Kim. It was just one night, right? Plus, there’s no harm in establishing a good impression with your boss.

“I’ll sit with you, Manager Kim.” You smiled, “thanks for offering.”

And so, you took your seat next to Manager Kim at the table. Bang Chan, who was to your left, looked askance at Manager Kim for a brief second before his facial expression did a complete 180. His familiar, boy-ish smile was plastered on his face like it was the most natural thing.

When the menus came, everybody at the table — including you — started to order onslaughts of food and alcohol. After brief moments of casual chatter about topics such as the weather or how good the food was here, everything that was ordered arrived at your table.

You grabbed a can of beer and started sipping on it. You’ve drank before — of course — with your old friends at university, but it’s been at least a year since you last did. Better ease myself in. You thought.

However, your preconceived plans were ruined when a small glass of clear liquor got pushed in front of you.

“Y/n, surely you aren’t going to sip on that can all night.” The ends of Manager Kim’s lips curled up.

“Wasn’t planning to, sir.” You replied while tipping the glass up and into your mouth. The bitter liquid burned your throat as it went down. You took a moment to recollect your surroundings. Seems like your tolerance was higher than you thought.

“Bang Chan, do you not drink? Why not eat something then?” Manager Chen pointed to the food on the table.

“No can do ma’am, I’m on a strict diet. My manager would kill me.” Bang Chan pointed to his glass of water.

“In that case,” Manager Chen filled another glass, “Y/n, have another drink.” She slid the glass down the table in front of you.

You gladly accepted your second drink, downing the alcohol in one go. Your eyes instinctively squeezed together as you felt your throat burn. From the tips of your ears to the ends of your toes, your whole body felt warm and alive.

You lost track of the time. As your conversations got livelier, your head got fuzzier. You stopped counting your drinks after four, especially since so many people were eager to offer the new employee a drink. Although your vision was starting to blur, you could still think straight. I can still think, you thought to yourself, still — what a powerful buzz.

Your thoughts ran rampant in your mind as you stared at the lightbulb across the room. What a pretty light. So bright. Warm.

“Y/n.”

Was the light calling your name?

“Y/n!”

Your eyes focused again and snapped away from the lightbulb. Where was the voice coming from? You slowly turned your head. Bang Chan.

“Hi.” You smiled.

“Hi.” He smiled back. So bright. Warm. “It’s been hours and I haven’t even offered you a drink yet.”

You tried to focus your eyes on his face as he slid the glass over to you. One more drink wouldn’t hurt your buzz, right?

You gladly accepted, slowly moving your hand over to the glass to pick the clear liquid up. It went down in one go just like all the others.

Huh? Was this water?

You struggled to focus your eyes on the person who offered you the drink. “That was yummy.”

“I bet it was,” the talking blur chuckled, “How about another one?”

You nodded, then took the glass he slid towards you. It’s funny how water flows even when in a cup. Water. You needed to pee.

“Hey,” your words dragged out, “where’s uh, where’s the washroom?”

“Follow me. I’ll show you.” Manager Kim stood up and reached his hand out towards you. You didn’t want to take it, but it seemed like nobody was noticing his offer.

Reluctantly, you took his hand and stood up, only to stumble down again. Did your knees not want to listen?

“Whoa there, better hold on.” Manager Kim said.

“No, I can walk. I-I can walk.” You let go of Manager Kim and tried to focus all your brainpower on moving your feet in a straight line. This tactic only worked for a second, however, as your knees gave in and you stumbled down.

“It’s obvious that you can’t.” Manager Kim’s lips turned up. “It’s time for you to go home. I’ll take you back.”

What? No. You didn’t want Manager Kim to take you home, not after all the awkward events of today and the general vibe from him. You tried to express your thoughts, but nothing came out of your mouth.

“Manager Kim, you’ve been drinking!” Bang Chan’s voice came from some part of the room. “It’s not safe to drive, I’ll call a taxi for you.”

“What about Y/n here? I’ll get a taxi for us both.” Manager Kim said.

“I called my manager earlier to pick me up, we can drop her off along the way. It’s not a good idea to put two drunk people in a car. I’m completely sober right now, so let me do all the work.” Bang Chan grinned, patting Manager Kim on his shoulder.

“Is that what you want, Y/n?” Manager Kim glared.

You dizzily nodded.

“Alright. In that case, I can call my own taxi later.” Manager Kim grimaced.

“Stay safe, Manager Kim.” Bang Chan smiled. He turned to you. “My manager’s been waiting outside for a while now, do you want to leave now?”

You nodded. You tried to start walking again, but your damn knees just wouldn’t listen.

“Do you want to hold on to me?” Bang Chan knitted his brows together and held out an arm.

“I,” you slurred, “can walk.” You tried to start your feet again, only to end up stumbling down.

“I know you can,” Bang Chan said as he reached his hands out to stabilize you, “but — ah — I’m really tired after today. Can you hold on to my arm so I won’t fall out of exhaustion?”

You agreed to help him. Bang Chan waved to everybody still at the table before leading the two of you out to a black SUV. He allowed you to stumble your way in the back seats first before sliding in himself. He asked you for your address, which took many tries for you to accurately type it into his phone.

You leaned your head against the window, staring at passing blurred lights as Bang Chan’s manager started driving. Just being away from the loud and bright environment seemed to have cleared your head a little, but the pounding would not stop. You cursed yourself for being so irresponsible on your first day, especially because you were still alone in this new country.

“Hey,” you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder, “want some water?” You looked over to see Bang Chan holding out a plastic bottle with the lid screwed off.

You languidly reached your hand out for the bottle and gulped down as much water as you could in one breath before handing it back to him. The street lights started getting blurrier as you tried to fight exhaustion, the muscles in your eyelids starting to get more and more uncontrollable.

“Y/n.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t fall asleep yet, we’re almost there. Ten more minutes.”

You couldn’t hear anything after that, however, as you felt your eyes give up on you and your body fall into a deep sleep.

“Y/n… Y/n.” A familiar voice called.

You fluttered your eyes open, your head pounding. Not knowing where you were, you surveyed your surroundings in a panic. It seemed as though you were in the back of a car… Parked outside of your apartment building?

“Hey, you’re finally awake.” Bang Chan’s voice entered your ear. It all came rushing back to you; the restaurant, the drinking, entering the SUV.

“How long have we been parked here?” Your groggy voice sounded inhuman. You had to clear your throat a couple times.

“It’s only been twenty or so minutes. I’m not allowed to leave the car, are you able to get home alone? I can ask my manager to go with you.” Bang Chan scratched the back of his neck.

“I should be fine.” You mumbled, a bit embarrassed to have fallen asleep in the car of a person you just met that day. This wasn’t even his car, it was his manager’s.

“Hey… can I put my number in your phone?” Bang Chan avoided your eyes. “Just so you can tell me when you get home.” He quickly added.

“Okay.” You awkwardly handed him your phone with your contacts already opened. He quickly typed his phone number in before handing it back to you.

“Text me when you get home. Remember to lock your door, okay?”

You thank both him and his manager before hurrying back to your apartment. Your head was still pounding unrelentlessly as you pressed the elevator button for your floor. The events of today were still unprocessed in your brain. You met a potential friend, which was a highlight. However, you also met two higher up managers and an actual idol, only to get hilariously drunk in the presence of. At least it’ll make a good story to tell my mom. You thought.

In no time, you made it in your apartment and locked the door behind you, remembering what Bang Chan told you in the car. You texted the new number in your phone.

Y/n: Hi. It’s y/n. I just entered my apartment.

Not even a minute later, your phone lit up, signaling a new text message.

Bang Chan: great!! remember to lock the doooor hahaha ( ◕ω◕✿ )

You subconsciously grin at your phone. Cute. Throwing your phone haphazardly on your bed, you begrudgingly began your night routine. After washing up and throwing on a random shirt from your closet, you fell on your bed ready to sleep. You were about to close your eyes when your phone lit up again with a ding. It was another text.

Bang Chan: Hey… Just so you know, if you ever feel unsafe around the office just tell me okay? I’ll always try to help you in whatever way I can.

#stray kids #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #stray kids smut #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #stray kids fanfic #skz scenarios #skz imagines #bang chan #bang chan scenarios #bang chan imagines #bang chan fluff #bang chan angst #bang chan smut

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simluvbot · 3 years

Text

School stresses (when jay comforts you when you’re stressed with school)

tags: fluff imagine, some(?) angst, boyfriend!jay, domestic au

member: bf jay x gn reader

words: 1,434 (mini headcanon and imagine)

request!: “could you do one for jay where his s/o is really stressed with school, and has a breakdown but he is there to comfort them? p.s i love your writing! ☺️”

a/n: i hate this 😭 btw!!! this includes mentions of a nervous breakdown/panic attack(?) with crying and im sorry if t i didnt portray this the most accurately ahh this is so messy sorry 😭😭

Looks up to you 100% yep yep

So whenever he sees that you’re struggling in school? he takes your emotions so seriously because he knows how hard you work for it and how difficult it is

Will pause whatever he’s doing so he can sit in front of you and hold your hand and simply just listen to you rant, even if it takes hours

HIS SHOULDER IS ALWAYS AVAILABLE FOR YOU TO CRY ON

According to the members he is good at massages so yes you bet he will give you a massage to help you relax as a break

Does so of course after telling you that things will be okay, that you’re smart, that you know the information well and he believes in you

Very supportive of you in your studies!

Just wants to make you feel better and relieved asap

is the type of boyfriend that will reassure you and give you realistic solutions to your problems, so you always end up feeling a lot better and confident after talking to him!

will lay with you on your bed for hours when you need to relax, letting u lay on his chest as he rubs soothing circles on ur skin (:

The ticking of the clock in your bedroom room seeks to get more annoying the longer time passes.

School is stressful, is and always has been. But with the amount of anxiousness you’ve experienced in the last few hours and days due to all the work you have to do - you’ve started to question whether you’re really capable enough to do this.

Heaving a breath, you sit back in your chair, curling up into a ball as you stare through glazed eyes at the work on your desk.

You clench your fists, eyeing your papers and various textbooks that you’re having difficulty comprehending. Your laptop with your unfinished assignment sits on top of it all.

Is it worth it? Are you smart enough?

Frustration courses through you at simply staring at one of the pieces of work you’ve been given to complete. You don’t want to do it. You can’t. It’s too much.

Maybe you should just-

“Y/n?”

Jumping at the sound of your name being called, you look back at jay who stands in your doorframe.

He holds the bottle of water he had left your bedroom for, and for a second you stare dumbly as your brain stutters for a second in remembering this fact.

“O-oh, jay!” You say a bit too eagerly, an unsure smile on your lips as you clear your throat and blink your eyes. “Got your water?”

“What’s wrong?”

You blink. You’re always surprised by his bluntness.

Laughing lightly, you shake your head, thoughts running at a million miles an hour and brain seeming to pulse with the various number of things that are indeed wrong to you.

“Nothing.” You say breezily, shoulders tense as you look back at your desk once again, the empty page on your laptop screen seeming to taunt you. “I just..”

Jay doesn’t look convinced, a concerned expression now on his face as he walks closer towards you.

Heat rushes to your cheeks inexplicably, and you glance back at your work on the desk, and then up to your Calendar on the wall.

“It’s just.. just..”

You let out a breath, and you don’t even have to finish your sentence. Because it’s enough for you to break.

Turning away sharply from your desk and from jay, you cover your face with your hands as you feel the stress of the past week reach it’s tipping point inside of you.

“Y/n.”

Jay’s hugging you in an instant; strong arms holding you tight against his chest, pulling you in gently without hesitation.

“School is just so much. Too much. I don’t know if I can handle it.” You heave, chest constricting as you breakdown, hot tears streaming down your cheeks as you feel your face flush in embarrassment.

“Hey hey hey, its okay.” you hear jay say distantly, followed by the soft thud of him dropping his water bottle somewhere, and you can only blink numbly as you try to dumbly process how quickly everything is happening - from him taking your hand in his and leading you to sit on your bed to him wiping away your tears softly with his calloused fingertips, large palms holding your face gently in his.

“Breathe, okay? you can do that for me?”

Blinking through your blurry vision, you nod as jay’s face slowly start to focus through your tears, heart thudding in your chest and adrenaline coursing through your veins as you start to follow along with your boyfriend’s lead.

“In, out. In and out y/n.”

You hear the concern in his voice, his expression clouded with worry as his thumb gently rubs your cheek, hushing you quietly and breathing deeply with you as you try to get your shallow breathing to slow down.

“Jongseong.” you mumble, feeling flustered as you break the eye contact at how quickly everything seemed to escalate. You were just sitting at your desk stressing about school a second ago and in what felt like in only a blink, youre in your boyfriend’s arms; safe.

The black-haired boy simply shakes his head, softly telling you to focus on breathing.

You’re unsure if you’ve ever seen jay so serious when it’s concerning you before, all jokes and lightheartedness leaving for this moment. It takes a few more minutes before your heart rate has slowed and the jelliness you feel in your limbs has left, and soon you’re feeling a lot calmer.

“Are you feeling better?” Jongseong asks, standing up away form you briefly to collect the water that was initially for him, handing it to you instead once opening the lid.

You nod as you take it gratefully and you gulp down the water. “yeah.”

Taking your hand in his, he sits down further back on your bed, guiding you so you’re sitting in front of him between his legs.

“So?” he says patiently, not at all imposing in his tone as he moves you hair away from your neck, sweeping it over your shoulder.

When you give him permission to touch you, you heave a breath at the feeling of his hand on your shoulders; palms pressing down smoothly and expertly soothing your tense muscles.

“I’ve just been really stressed i guess.” You say quietly after a comfortable silence, fiddling with your fingers and closing your eyes as you feel your fatigue drift away with the work of his hands, calmness settling over.

“Schools been piling up, and i just have a lot to do.” You murmur. “I dont know. I have a lot to study so I’ve just been feeling pretty overwhelmed.”

Jay hums and you close your eyes, letting yourself relax into his touch as he massages you without word.

“School does put a lot of pressure.” he says thoughtfully, and you feel him nodding behind you. “But I’m sure you’re going to do well, y/n. Don’t worry too much. You’re only going to stress yourself out even more.”

He turns you around gently, and your widened eyes meet his concerned ones. “Have you been taking rests when you study during the day, love?” Jay asks, and you feel butterflies in your stomach at the nickname.

“..yeah.” You say hesitantly, leaning in towards your boyfriend and his soft chest.

“Yeah..?” Jay drawls out with a chuckle, kissing your forehead. “Yah, you should y/n. Don’t burn yourself out. Your health is just as important as school is. You’re going to ace it, okay?”

Pausing, he makes you look at him and repeat the words, “I’m going to ace it.”

“I’m going to ace it.” You say after him with a chuckle, rolling your eyes at your boyfriend’s insistent behaviour.

Jay smiles softly. “Give me your flashcards later if you have any so i can help you revise the, later, okay?”

You nod, smiling as you kiss his neck, wrapping your arms tightly against his chest.

“Okay.” You say fuzzily, enjoying the small circles he rubs into your side. “Thank you.”

Jay hums, leaning back so youre lying on top of him, his soft round eyes meeting yours, hand stroking your cheek softly.

“I love you, y/n. Please don’t hold in your stress anymore.”

#enhypen imagines #jay imagines #enhypen headcanons #enhypen jay fluff #enhypen drabbles

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lunapdf · 4 years

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hiya kheer, im so sorry about your grades 😔 hope you get really great ones in your next exams tho and get to achieve your dream career (in medicine right?) anyways like before I'm here supporting you and sending you tons of love queen 👑💞

don't overwork yourself, make sure to take breaks between your studying sessions and stay hydrated (otherwise you'll end up with a terrible headache... i learnt the hard way 🤡)

a tip i have for studying is to make flashcards/notes they help sm coz when your writing them it can help you with remembering the stuff you need to know and once you've wrote them you can go through them all and it's much better / easier than having to sit with a book all day. use some websites (i use seneca to help me with science and its really good and helped me with my exams) :)

wishing you the best and good luck 💕💞💜💗💖💘❤️

You really don’t know how much this moved me ;-;

Thanks a lot for sharing tips, the thing is I learn but then I get exam stress and panic and forget everything 🤡.

I’ll try the flashcards from now on. You actually took time to write all that YOU ANGEL 😤💖

Just went through seneca and I think that’ll help me a lot :’)

You’re so sweet i really don’t know how to respond (since I suck at expressing affection ijsakdnx)

But thank you queen 👑 you’re so amajin and kind I’m so glad we’re friends 🥺💖

I hope you have a wonderful day, and stay safe and hydrated ( awww drink some water we don’t want them headaches 🥺 )

ILY ANGEL 💖💘💗💟💕✨💜

#Ash 💟#mutuals 💜#taemeout #I MIGHT HAVE TEARED UP A LIL #THANK YOU ;-;

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iliveiloveiwrite · 4 years

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Ship please! Any era fluff, Female, American, ESTP, like more masculine put together men. Proud Slytherin. I’m bubbly, independent, spontaneous and loud. Always trying to crack a joke. But, I hide behind my humor its like a safety blanket. I'm a big procrastinater. Hobbies include baking and cooking, as well as swimming and anything related to water really. Im big on marine biology and hope to become a marine biologist someday. Thank you!

Hey! Your ship is under the cut, I hope you like!

Marauders Era:

Sirius Black:

Flashcard after flashcard was strewn over the floor to your bedroom; the carpet barely visible for highlighted notes. You had left this to the last minute as usual and was now cramming as much information as you could without wanting to scream in frustration.

Care of Magical Creatures rarely had a written exam, favouring a practical approach yet upon discovery that the mermaids, kelpies, and giant squid would not be up for having Seventh Year students poke and prod at them, a written exam was needed.

And you had to pass.

The specific area of employment you wanted to enter was very much focused on the conservation of magical marine life. Achieving a high grade in this particular exam was your foot in the door for the career path you had dreamed of ever since you were young.

You had been alone much of the day; studying alone in your dorm to protect yourself from any distractions. Namely, Sirius Black who had taken it upon himself many a time to distract you with teasing touches and diverting kisses.

As much as you loved him, you couldn’t focus around him.

And he knew that.

A knock on the door has you looking up from your work; your voice breaking as you grant permission to whoever it is outside. It had been a while since you had spoken; hours, in fact – too focused on your revision to think about reading aloud.

Sirius pokes his head in the room and his eyes widen at the sheer amount of flashcards on the floor and the huge pile in your hand. “Darling, how’s it going?”

“Not very well, I’ve practically destroyed a forest,” You quip, trying to make light of the worry and panic settling in your gut.

Sirius sees right through you; closing the door behind him as enters the room, “Would you like some help?”

You nod silently.

Sirius sits down in front of you, stretching out his long legs as he settles against the footboard of your dorm mates bed. He reaches for the pile of flashcards in your hand, “Let’s see shall we?”

“Are you sure you don’t mind helping?”

“Love, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t help my girlfriend study?”

“And you aren’t going to distract me?”

Sirius crosses a finger over his heart, “I wouldn’t dream of it. Let’s get you this NEWT.”

Something loosens at his words; with him helping, you felt like you could achieve this and start planning for your future.

#millies1ksleepover

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imnoscholar · 6 years

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@scholar-in-the-making new studyblr intro post 📑

hi! im natalia :) I have been on tumblr following the studyblr community for as long as I can remember, hence the amount of FAVS I've listed below. I have had the highest grades in the past two quarters of my senior year, but I've also had a few panic attacks which resulted from waiting till the last minute for a lot of my tasks. I realize that actually engaging myself in the studyblr community by posting frequently will push me to strive for the best.

I plan on posting daily diary entries to keep track of my productivity and life in general and pictures of my notes as well as study space.

about me:

1/2 european 1/2 asian

-current High School senior-

Current courses: Literature, Calculus, Statistics, Senior Project

Aspiring major: Politics and International Relations /or/ Philosophy, Politics, and Economics

Languages: Native in Chinese and English. Advanced in Spanish.

Career Aspiration: Entrepreneur and Lawyer

Stationery:

pens- Pilot frixion ball 0.7 PURPLE, BLUE, RED, and NAVY BLUE

highlighters- Colors-in-Motion twist-up crayon NEON ORANGE and NEON YELLOW

Planning: Bullet Journal and Study Planner

Favorite motivational quote: “Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself.”- Harvey Specter

Fav TV show: SUITS!

FAVS⭐

@elainestudy @thelawgraduate @honeybeestudys @journalsanctuary @dulynotedx @jemma-studies @emmastudies @obsidianstudy @stillstudies @somewhatscholarly @studyquill @einstetic @eintsein @tbhstudying @studyblr @antropostudy @paper-chase @tea-and-flashcards @studyign @study-harder @stellastudiesart @organizedminimalist @studytako @lawyerd @stuhde @studiversal @albastudyblr @scholasticbabe @believetimshel @kateisawriter @amaryllae-studies @studypetals @cals-desk @lolarstudies @buttermilkrusks @therobotstudies @adelinestudiess @biochemica @markiveelle @chloestudiess @fightostudy

and lastly, although not a studyblr, @just-shower-thoughts

REBLOG if you are a studyblr interested to make friends

#new studyblr #studyblr #studyspo #studying #productivity #organization #studispiration #study inspiration #study community #suits #harvey specter #mike ross #team harvey

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lotta-studies · 7 years

Photo

10.12.2017 ✨ ig: gorapadeokstudies the other day, an older student told me just how many ppl usually fail linear algebra 1, so in a mild panic reaction, i started making a bunch of flashcards to review the stuff we did at the beginning of the semester (iM STILL PANICKING THO help)

i haven’t really posted in a while, i hope you guys are doing great!!

#studyblr #studyspo #study inspiration #emmastudies #genjistudies #hellostudyingwug #heypat #ohlookabii #studybonbon #ttstudies #lottasoc #uni net

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acaedmic · 7 years

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Hi!! So I'm just starting high school (literally started yesterday) and I feel like crap, I've had a panic attack both days and I've thrown up (at the school) both days and I just flopped a quiz in WHAP and I don't know what to do?? I have no energy levels either because I don't eat (bc of my anxiety) but usually I'm hella passionate and I care about my grades, so you have tips or anything to help me and my motivation??

high school is the worst, and im so sorry that your first experience was like that :(( as for tips, the main thing i can suggest is to first and foremost, take care of yourself. studying doesnt take that much time or stress if you do it efficiently.

for classes that are difficult for you (like whap) pay extra attention

record the lectures that are going too fast

ignore the aesthetic and make messy notes that have ALL of the info (you can rewrite later if it bothers you)

make flashcards for all the concepts you learn, and review them every day

use the pomodoro method, and work in 25 minute chunks so you avoid getting burned out

if you have siblings, explain concepts that you struggle with to them, being able to simplify things and answer deeper questions about

self care has to come before that though:

try to sleep as much as possible in the night

drink a glass of water before you got to sleep and when you get up

if you start to get a panic attack from studying, just back off and lie down in your bed. listen to some of your favorite music until you feel capable of understanding textbooks again

take a hot shower, use some body oils, wash your face with some nice soap, rub moisturizer all over your body. these things are like an instant pick me up, and they make you feel like your life is together, which (for me) is like instant motivation

always keep a stock of energy bars. even if you’re skipping meals (which you should try not to do), you can fill yourself up on them

#original #i hope this helps!!#Anonymous

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canadian-kazoo-god · 6 years

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me at school: oKaY when i get home im going to do my homework, study for my test, rewrite all my notes, clean my room, make flashcards for that one test, and get a head start on that essay due next week!

me now at home: *watches netflix the entire afternoon then panics at 10pm*

#my dumb posts #school #it sucks #also homework #homework is gross #procrastination #wooooo

0 notes

ruinsrebuilt · 7 years

Note

70 to 89

thank you for the ask, friend!

(I had to do them in reverse since they are listed in reverse on the post)

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the people in the group chat I’m in (they are a naughty bunch lmao)

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my room. it’s my sanctuary.

87: The last movie I saw: movie movie *strokes imaginary beard* I can’t remember. I don’t have time for movies anymore, it’s all shows

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Summer

85: The thing im not looking forward to: my exams y i k e s

84: People call me: Ash #don’tgotagoodnickname

83: The most difficult thing to do is: force myself to be productive. also forgive others.

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope!

81: My zodiac sign is: Pisces

80: The first person i talked to today was: my mom. apparently I turned off my alarm this morning so I overslept and she had to wake me up.

79: First time you had a crush: wowza I don’t even remember. first time I had a crush on a girl tho, that was about 2 years ago?? I was like ‘what are you feeling friend??’ smh confusing times

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: honestly I’ve become really good at hiding who I am from my family, and I don’t have any close irl friends anymore so... no one.

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: er, today? idk it happens a lot bc I don’t usually say whats on my mind and then others are like ‘hey what about’

76: Right now I am talking to: my group chat pals

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: *laughs* *cries* *wants to die* idk pal I am barely hanging in there, but I want to do something that helps other people

74: I have/will get a job: helping others, and I have a special interest in veterans so maybe something with that idk

73: Tomorrow: 1 & 1/2 chapters of psychology, 1 Environmental Science, 1 U.S. Gov. & Politics. make flashcards. work on program for my vocal recital. write ships. finish fic chapter 2. spend time with family. hopefully sleep before 3 in the morning.

72: Today: dental appointment, co-taught theatre class, took care of friends dog, read 1/2 chapter psychology (I am Behind yeet), made flashcards

71: Next Summer: I will do nothing but leisurely recoup from 5 months of intensive study and anxiety/panic attacks. I will breathe deeper, sleep longer, and rest for the first time in months. I also plan to float in the pool and read those wwii memoirs calling my name.

70: Next Weekend: I will be studying and getting ready for my recital. (I’m hoping to be able to take Sunday off but it depends)

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mlmstarfleet-blog · 6 years

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#vent in tags #tdl #me last night: holy shit i think im having a panic attack. my mum: oh so this is whats happening on holby tonight!#my mum this morning: so are u going into school? me having thrown up last night: ??? no???#24 hr rule man ugh #im just. kinda annoyed t h #i guess its a binge tv n make flashcards kinda day noe

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babygirljulianbashir · 8 years

Text

College Advice from a Nursing Student

The new semester is coming up fast, and I thought that I would tell you guys about things that helped me succeed in college (with depression and anxiety and a very very hard major).

GO TO CLASS I’m dead serious here. Go. To. Class. It’s super easy to skip one day and then skip another, and another, and another, and another, until you’ve skipped three out of the five classes you take during the week. Going to class and paying attention brings you up at least one letter grade, and you don’t even need to study. Make a deal with yourself and try to keep it. My deal was that I wasn’t allowed to skip class unless I was so sick I couldn’t go, or if there was an emergency. In the end, I went to every single class last semester (I was actually so anxious about missing class and failing that I forced myself to go. Not a good thing, guys).

Don’t party on a weeknight. This may sound?? I don’t know. Lame (do we even call things lame anymore?) or something, but really, it works. If you limit partying to Fridays and Saturdays only, you won’t ever have to skip a class because you’re hungover.

Be in bed by 11:30 on weeknights. You don’t need to be asleep, but just being in bed, not working, not going out, just chilling on your laptop or phone or reading a book will help with your exhaustion in the morning.

DO NOT WORK/STUDY ON YOUR BED!!! You have a desk for a reason and libraries and cafes exist for a reason. It’s so you don’t study on your bed. If you do that, your brain associates stress and work with your bed, which will make it much, much harder for you to fall asleep. Which makes you very very tired in the morning.

Sit in the front. I do this for two reasons. If you sit in the front, then the professor can see when you’re not paying attention. I do that on purpose. I feel guilty if the professor sees me on my phone, so I don’t use my phone so I’m forced to pay attention. Also, if you’re in a huge lecture hall (I was in three last semester), then you won’t be able to see all the people in the class, which makes the professor and the class feel much less intimidating.

Use a notebook, if you can. I call this studying without studying. If you write your notes, then you’re more likely to remember what you learned in class, you’re less likely to get distracted by the internet, and you won’t need to study as much later because you’ll remember more. Also older professors love shit like that. They think technology is satan or whatever, I don’t know.

Give yourself time to get to class. Running to class and being late is a) disruptive b) exhausting and c) super stressful. It may be tempting to cut it close, but I’m telling you, it’s really not worth it.

Start studying exactly seven days before an exam. Of course, adjust this period if you want, but for me? I do exactly seven days for a very specific reason: it’s less stress. I’m a victim of the Fuck It Point™️ where around 24 hours before an exam, I say, “if I don’t know it I never will, fuck it I’m going in with what I have.” A week gives enough time to study, but not study too much. I’m a flashcard maker. I make flashcards for literally everything. So what I do is on day one to three I say to myself, “go through the cards at least once a day.” Does it always happen? No. But it gives me enough time to not finish going through the cards but at least start and not feel guilty that I’m doing nothing with my life and that I’m going to fail. After day three really start to crack down. Go through them at least twice and at most five times. By the end of the week you’ll know every card, I swear.

Take Naps. I know some people can’t sleep during the day, but I want to tell you this: if you can’t fall asleep during the day, just take twenty minutes, lay down, and close your eyes. I promise you will feel so much more rested than you were before.

Join a club with low commitment. I joined the fencing team because I fenced in high school. It gives me something to do outside of work and if I really can’t, or don’t want, to go, I just don’t. No consequences, no stress, just something I do in my off time.

Pick a day to get your shit together. Every. Week. My day is Sundays. On Sundays, I clean, I do laundry, I go grocery shopping, and I relax. No work. No studying. No going out and being crazy. I just get my shit together and recharge. That way on Monday, I feel at least like I can pretend that I have my life together. Tell people about it. Let them know. They’ll a) think you’re more put together than you actually are and b) be impressed (I also do this so that I actually do it. If I tell people, then they know, and if I don’t do it, then I lied to them. Healthy? Not sure. Effective? Totally.)

Go see the school’s therapist. They’re real therapists and it’s usually included in your tuition. My guy is Mark. He’s pretty chill (he takes me too seriously sometimes). Everyone does it at some point, I promise (nursing majors are well known in the psych department because we very often have breakdowns). I don’t go every week, but he’s always there when I need someone who is the Real Deal to talk to and get help from.

Let yourself break down. I call them Days™️. I let myself have them and I try not to beat myself up about it. We all have moments of insecurity and “holy shit what am I doing here?”. It’s alright. A lot of people do. I had coffee and had a panic attack in the middle of me lecture hall. It was kind of embarrassing. I then proceeded to go home (aka my room) and lay down for the rest of the day. The next morning I woke up, only wanted to die a little bit, and went to class.

Talk to people. You don’t need friends, and you definitely don’t need best friends, if you don’t want them. Im not a friend kind of gal. I find people draining and stressful. I have like, two good friends that don’t even go to my university. But I still talk to people, and I still engage in conversations with my neighbors and whatever. It’s good knowing people because honestly, it helps me feel more human. I then hole away again. It’s good for people to know you and to have people to talk to. Mental health and all that.

Join a community. My school has a community for all the POC (I go to an extremely white school, so MCSC is like a safe space). Every employee in the program is POC, we have dinners and there’s a living room to just sit and hang. There are advisors that help you with racial/cultural stuff and we have workshops that help you feel out your identity and how to deal with, well, dicks, basically. We also have a Women’s Center, an LGBT+ center, and so much more. They’re just places to relax and find people like you. Your school probably has them, too.

Wash your face in the morning. It’ll help you feel more awake, less like shit, and it’ll do something about the stress acne. Also wash your face at night. Dorms and campuses are gross. You’ll feel much cleaner, I promise.

Find your routine, and stick to it. It’s easier to do things when you’re just doing them on autopilot. It feels like less effort. If you keep with a routine you’ll have less stress and feel more accomplished, I swear.

Learn to be alone. I spend like 95% of my time outside of class alone nowadays, and it’s really not a bad thing. Some people will never rest, and some people will tell you you’re wasting college. You’re not. If you enjoy your alone time, and don’t have anywhere to be, don’t sweat it. It’s okay.

Shower. I know the showers are gross, and I know how easy it is to forget and push it to the side, but just getting in the shower and feeling clean really helps brighten the day up. Self care is hard, and sometimes just doing the shit you don’t want to do but have to is the best way to take care of yourself.

Eat. This sounds a bit like, duh yeah, but dining hall food is fucking nasty. I’m guilty of not eating just because the food is gross and just, no (I’m the queen of forgetting to eat, too - set reminders on your phone and carry snacks). But food is, literally, food for your brain! You’ll feel more awake, less sluggish, less faint and dizzy, and less like you’re falling apart at the seams. The freshmen 15 doesn’t fucking matter okay. Your health is important and who gives a fuck if you gain a bit. Love yourself.

Ofc, everyone is different, but maybe this can help you guys keep your head above water. And it may seem obscure, but all of these things contribute to me doing well in university. But let me leave you with one last bit:

You’re the most important person in your life. Treat yourself with care; it’ll translate into everything you do, I promise.

#college #university #mental health #study #advice #you guys got this #you can do it!

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