#im like weeping at 8 am in the morning..

[vacantfields]

GUYS!!!! FOR MY SILLY LITTLE doodle comic???? Of the boys??? ARGH FJSGJDJ THABK YOU FOR LIKING IT... THANKS FOR THE REBLOGS TOO... OUGH THATS SO CRAZY GJSJGKS thank you thank you!!!

[eyessharpweaponshot]

hi there!! are there any fics you’re reading right now that you would recommend? i need something good after the season we’ve been given so far 😣

hello there!

I agree, this season has been disappointing - especially considering it’s the last one. but thankfully, our fandom is full of amazing writers that serve us goods regularly. I have so much to recommend, it’s a joke. so prepare for a long fic rec. In no particular order, let’s begin:

1. Chasin’ You - @burninghoneyatdusk

okay. you’re gonna see a bit of a theme with me in these fic recs because the authors I mention are some of my favourites in the world - sam being one of the TOP TIER ones. this fic is a modern au, written about clarke and bellamy as exes (a favourite trope of mine) that have went their separate ways. clarke has moved away and hasn’t kept tabs on bellamy but he's soared to the top as a country star, his hit single being about her and what they had. if there’s any fic from this list you need to start reading, it’s this one.

2. Voices in the Water - @burninghoneyatdusk

It’s the canon version we all wanted. set on earth, clarke’s aunt (nia) forces her into an arranged marriage with king bellamy to unite the clans. but under it all, nia has tasked her to kill him. obviously, as clarke falls in love with bellamy, it’s the one task wanheda probably can’t complete. I'm in love with the imagery and descriptions in this fic. there are honestly some lines that sam writes that I want to frame and put up in my house. absolute brilliance.

3. All Because of You - @burninghoneyatdusk

*sheepishly raises hand* - hi, it’s me again, fangirling over another one of sam’s fics. if you have followed me for a while, either here or on twitter, you’ll have seen me screaming about this fic. I've pulled over while driving to read an update that came through to my email. no lie. I don’t say this lightly but it is definitely in my top 3 favourite bellarke fics of all time. sam DELIVERS with this one. bellamy knocks up his sister’s best friend when they’re both young and they grow together in raising their daughter. this fic flashes between present and future in the most seamless way and we see how in love they were back then but too scared to admit it, combined with how in love they are now that they are mature and older - but yet can’t seem to take the leap. I can’t tell you enough how good this fic is. I'm in love and it’s one of those fics that I would happily have as a book on my bookshelf, the pages worn and falling out from the amount of times that I re-read it.

*I just want to note that sam is doing a fantastic job at running @bellarkefic-for-blm. This is an opportunity for the bellarke community to directly support the Black Lives Matter cause through reading and writing fanfiction. For every fanfiction prompt a participating writer receives, they ask that you donate to an organization that supports the BLM cause. This initiative includes non-bellarke the 100 ships and requests for other content (e.g. gif sets, icons, moodboards, fanart). please check them out and request a prompt (this also includes updates for the above mentioned fics)*

4. Count Your Teeth - @icantloseyou-too

let me tell you, you guys will be well fed after reading this fic. It’s one of the most original idea’s and we get so much bellarke and the blake siblings in this one. bellamy is a treasure hunter and married to clarke, after leaving his thieving days behind him. that is until his past comes knocking and drags him back into that world again - and clarke along with him. absolute chefs kiss!

5. Cups and Sorcerers - @icantloseyou-too

again, such a unique plot with just the right amount of fluff. clarke is a witch who owns a coffee shop and she ends up meeting someone just as unique as her. I’m invested in this to an embarrassing degree and it always puts me in a good mood when this fic is updated. such a light and heart filling read and ciara does a fantastic job of world building in this fic.

6. Paint me in Trust - @pawprinterfanfic

I'm sure this fic needs no introduction. everyone and their mother has heard of it and if you haven’t read it yet, believe me, you’re missing out. a harry potter au that runs alongside the last few movies without being involved with the main characters. essie manages to make an already existing world so different, thrilling and gripping. it emotionally upends you and takes you along for the ride without any intention of letting you off. I'm just in love with it and rightly so!

7. When the Wolves Come Home - @pawprinterfanfic

I don’t know how people aren’t RAVING about this fic more because I certainly am. it’s massive for me to even say this because I love all of essie’s work but it’s my favourite fic that she’s written. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I read how she’s written bellarke in this. it’s a percy jackson au but you don’t need to have knowledge of that world to enjoy this. I actually started reading the books because of this fic. essie writes it so well and incorporates a lot of fantastic elements from greek mythology while also keeping me on the edge of my seat with bellarke’s journey. HERE FOR IT ALL THE WAY.

8. I’ll Find You in the Morning Sun - @cominguproses13x

I’ve never seen a fic talked about as much as this one. with 60 chapters, it’s bound to satisfy any hunger you have for bellarke. it’s set in a post apocalyptic world and it is beyond a shadow of a doubt, my favourite setting to read bellarke in. I've actually stopped reading this fic on chapter 5 because im currently writing my own post apocalyptic au as it was a trope on my bingo card and I don’t want any subconscious spill over, but I fully intend on reading the rest of the fic in one go once my fic is published and done. it deserves all the praise and hype.

9. For Blue Skies - @kombellarke

kayla’s fics make me actually weep. her writing style is just unbelievable and she sucks me into stories so fast. this one is no different. I live and breathe for bellarke as exes and this fic is one of my favourites. it’s a modern au with clarke as a mother and she cascades back into bellamy’s life without warning. perfect angst and anticipation. in love.

10. Love Like Fools - @talistheintrovert

the way I love talis with my whole heart. I'm always obsessed with her fics and the way this one was written was just magnificent. enemies to friends to lovers, roommates, angst, emotional comforting? SIGN ME UP. the perfect mix of all of those and I felt so good after reading this. always a fan.

11. It Had To Be You - @useyourtelescope

I had the honour of pre-reading some of this fic before it was published and I felt so privileged. a regency au with a prank war sprinkled in? perfection. hana honestly writes this so beautifully and I can’t recommend this enough. it’s so unique and we are all so incredibly lucky that there’s something in the bellarke fic world for everyone.

12. Veni, Vidi, Vinci - @carrieeve

Again, proof of the pudding that there’s something in fic for everyone. I’ve never read one like this before and it THRILLED me. murphy and bellamy working together to steal a Vinci? it was the fic I never knew I needed. the bellarke interaction in this was beautifully written and I am just completely obsessed. we really struck gold with the bellarke big bang works this year.

13. A Twist of Fate - @queenemori

let’s be honest, soulmate au’s are always wanted and needed in this fandom and kara does an excellent job of serving us this one. we got some team cockroach in here along with some top tier quality bellarke. what more could you ask for? if you haven’t read this fic yet, you need to. so thankful for kara being the absolute gifted babe that she is.

14. Power Over Me - @sparklyfairymira

okay, if you recently watched the witcher on netflix like I did, believe me, you NEED to read this fic. if you haven’t watched the witcher, this fic will make you want to watch it. the smut in this, the plot, the WRITING. absolutely phenomenal. have I mentioned how lucky we are to have such fantastic writers in this fandom?

15. There’s a Serpent Lying Deep Down in These Still Waters - @shaeheda

post apocalyptic au? SIGN ME UP. bellarke thrown together in unkind circumstances? SIGN ME UP. this magnificent human writing a fic? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. I'm so in love with this fic already and I haven’t even finished it yet. as I've said, I've stopped reading fics in this genre until my own is completed but I’ve read enough to tell you that this needs to be on your next to read list. forever in awe of the talent here and this fic makes me feel so lucky to be part of something so great.

I hope this satisfies you for a while and that you enjoy all the bellarkey goodness that comes from these fics. I'm gonna drop some of mine below because why not? just in case you’re in need of something more.

1. I Found Peace in Your Violence

clarke griffin has it all. she’s popular, an artistic prodigy and has a wealthy family to boot. so when her perfect world comes crashing down around her, it’s time to sink or swim. she tests positive for the Homicidal Tendency Syndrome gene, also known as the kill gene. clarke is plucked from her comfortable life and placed into a school with people just like her - carriers, delinquents. when she meets bellamy blake there, he looks like everything they say HTS carriers are. a monster, a criminal. yet, he’s the one who protects her.

2. I Am Lost This Time

a void!bellamy fic that we all deserved to have happen in canon. an au where bellamy hears clarke’s radio calls from earth, sees her memories in m-cap and where she really is the key: the one that unlocks his memories and brings him back to her.

3. Purple, Blue, Orange, Red

bellarke are childhood friends and teenage lovers, reuniting in the midst of the same grief that tore them apart.

4. Devil Side

post apocalyptic setting and my favourite fic to have ever written. both of them coming together to survive and protect those in their family, including two small children. bellarke started out as strangers, who would have thought that they’d end up co-parenting in the middle of a world that is too dangerous to survive out in the open?

5. Waste It on Me

a soulmate/reincarnation au that I wrote based off my own breakup and feelings. probably my most popular fic and should keep you going in terms of bellarke feels.

[rosexjulika]

Hi everyone, I have watched miraculous since 2015, but I am new to the fandom. This is part 1 of a 2 part series. This is my first ever fan fic so please leave some criticism below because I don’t really know what I am doing. Enjoy!

Today was a normal Thursday afternoon for Marinette who had finished her homework and had nothing to do so she was brain storming about Hawk Moth to find out his identity. Marinette was thinking hard and she had the thought, “Hey Tikki, do you think that if Master Fu was able to make a senti monster for himself, then maybe hawk moth could accumatize himself and Hawk Moth could be Gabriel Agreste after all?”

Tikki responded, “No probably not Marinette, but that’s a good thought.”

Sass chimed in, “Actually, back in Tebet when they still had the butterfly miraculous one of the really immature monks wanted to fly. So they took the butterfly miraculous and my miraculous and created the akuma and detransformed from the butterfly miraculous to just mine accumatized themself. They flew for a couple of minutes then they used my power to go back so no one would know and they wouldn’t get in trouble.”

“Woah! So does that mean Gabriel Agreste really Is hawk moth?! This whole time we could have solved it! Master Fu would still be here and Chat Noir and I would have been done fighting him so long ago! This is a disaster! A disaster! A disaster!” Marinette yelled in frustration.

Tikki quickly tried to calmed Marinette and told her, “It is very sad that Master Fu is gone, but yelling won’t bring him back. What you need to do is investigate this further, it’s what Master Fu would have wanted.”

“I know Tikki you are right. So what should I do?”

Tikki replied, “Maybe you can transform into ladybug and spy through the windows, and Marinette do NOT use this as an excuse to be able to use your powers to spy on Adrien, do you hear me?”

“That’s a good idea Tikki and I promise I won’t.” Marinette answered. So Marinette decided to do just that and left soon after for Gabriel Agreste’s mansion. Marinette remembered how upset Chat Noir was when she told him her suspicions before, so she decided to wait until she could be positive.

Marinette arrived at Gabriel’s house as ladybug and was peering through the windows and saw Gabriel touching a portrait of his wife. Suddenly as he touched a portrait of his wife he started lowering into the floor. Ladybug was confused and knew she had to investigate further so she made a plan to come back that night when Gabriel was sleeping and sneak in.

It was now 2 AM and Marinette transformed into ladybug and headed over to Gabriel’s house. Ladybug found Gabriel’s bedroom window and saw him sleeping so she knew the coast was clear. Ladybug found an open window and snuck in. She managed to find the room Gabriel was in before and started playing with the portrait of his wife. Ladybug figured out that there seemed to be some buttons. She tried a bunch of combinations and eventually she got frustrated and pushed them all at once. Then the floor below her started moving down and she was suddenly in hawk moths lair. Ladybug was confused and scared, but she knew she had to keep her composure or she might wake someone up. She took some pictures and left before anyone could notice and went home.

It was the next day and Marinette knew she had to tell someone. Since Alya now knew Marinette’s secret identity Marinette told her asap. Alya at first didn’t believe her, but after Marinette told her about the book he had with the miraculous’ and showed her the pictures she took Alya was forced to believe her. Alya thought they should gather some more evidence so they could prove it beyond a reasonable doubt, so she said to Marinette, “We should still do some more investigating and gather some more evidence so people will be forced to believe us. I have some security cams and I could bring them over to your house and we could have a sleepover. Then in the middle of the night you can give me my miraculous and we could both transform and go over there and set them up.”

“Good idea Alya. Be at my house by 8 PM so we can discuss when to leave and make sure we have a rock solid plan.”

That night Alya had arrived at Marinette’s house with camera’s to set up at Gabriel’s house. They decided that at 2 AM they would leave for Gabriel’s house and would set up the cameras and check them after someone was accumatized so that they knew that he would have had to transform.

It was around 2:30 AM and Marinette and Alya were at Gabriel’s house as Ladybug and Rena Rouge setting up the cameras and a thought crossed Rena Rouge’s mind that she had just blurted out “W-what if Adrien’s in on it?”

Ladybug responded, “what do you mean? Like he helps his dad with being hawk moth? Adrien would never do that, r-right?”

Rena Rouge said, “But I mean, think about it. It’s almost always someone Adrien knows and was around, so what if he is telling his dad to accumatize them and what if he just pretends that his dad is horrible to him so no one suspects it. And the accumatizations only started happening when Adrien started to go to school.”

Ladybug said, “Rena Rouge that’s craz- OMG IM IN LOVE WITH A SUPER VILLAIN!” Ladybug’s eyes started to tear up and as Ladybug was wiping away her tears they heard someone from the room above and suddenly Gabriel was coming in there. Ladybug wasn’t sure of what to do, but she remembered Alya was Rena Rouge, “Rena Rouge quickly use your illusion so that it looks like we aren’t here then we can sneak home.”

Rena Rouge replied, “you know I’m already on it, girl.” Rena Rouge quickly did this, but just as they were about to leave they heard Gabriel say, “Dark wings rise!” Suddenly it was Hawk Moth standing there.

“Rena Rouge I think we should stay so that we can see what he does”

Rena Rouge replied, “Good idea, but we need to be really careful.”

As they were standing there hidden in the illusion they heard Hawk Moth start talking to himself, “Emily I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Sometimes I think I will never defeat Ladybug and Chat Noir and I’ll never get you back. Life is horrible without you. Please just come back to me.”

Rena Rouge said “When he says Emily does he mean-?”

Ladybug chimed in, “I think so.”

“Adrien’s dead mom?” They both said at the same time.

“I can’t believe this! Poor Adrien! Is this even more of reason t-to that Adrien is helping his father Rena Rouge?”

“I think so. Are you going to be ok?” Rena Rouge asked.

“I, uh, I think so.” Ladybug’s voiced trailed off as they heard Hawk Moth quietly weeping and both couldn’t help but feel kind of bad for him. “Rena Rouge since Gabriel just transformed I think we should quickly remove the cameras so that I can tell Chat Noir asap. We’ll need to be sure we are Really careful so that we don’t mess up the illusion.”

“You didn’t tell him yet? Damn, girl, you’re crazy. It’s a little risky, but whatever you say boss.” Rena Rouge joked.

“I didn’t tell him because last time he seemed so upset so I wanted to make sure he was hawk moth for sure, ok?” Marinette said quickly.

“I’m not judging, but don’t you think he’ll be mad?” Rena Rouge replied.

“I, uh, I’m not sure. Anyway let’s just take the cameras,” So they quickly and very carefully removed the cameras.

When they arrived back at Marinette’s house, Marinette was worried because she didn’t know how she would tell Chat Noir. Her and Alya were exhausted from their stressful mission so they went straight to sleep and Marinette decided to worry about it in the morning.

It was the next morning and Alya had just left so Marinette started thinking of how to tell Chat Noir. Since her Chat Noir had patrol in a couple hours she figured that it would be a good time tell him. She made a plan to tell him that hawk moth was Gabriel then show him the footage and see how he reacts. If he reacts poorly she will wait to tell him her theory about Adrien, but if he reacts well then she will tell him then.

It was a couple hours later and Marinette was about to meet up with Chat Noir. She was nervous, but she knew to had to tell him. Marinette transformed into ladybug patrolled around Paris until she found him. “Hey bugaboo” Chat Noir teased.

“Oh, uh, hey kitty.” Ladybug struggled to say.

“Is something wrong?” Chat Noir asked.

“Well...” Ladybug was struggling because she was afraid he might be mad that she didn’t ask for his help.

“‘Well’ what? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Ladybug knew she had to say it, so she just blurted it out, “Hawk Moth is Gabriel Agreste. Please don’t be mad at me for not asking for your help I only started investigating like a day and a half ago. I didn’t want to tell you because last time I told you it might be him you got so upset and seemed so relieved it wasn’t him. And- “

“It’s ok.” He interrupted. He didn’t show it, but Chat Noir felt crushed inside, but he also didn’t believe it fully. “Why do you think it’s him though?”

“Well I, uh, I kind of saw him transform-“

“What?! How?! That’s crazy!” Chat Noir interrupted in deisbelief. “Like you just saw him transform in broad daylight, or-?” He questioned.

“Well not exactly. Basically so you remember feast the senti monster we fought a while back, right?”

“Uh, yeah? But what does that have to do with this?”

“I was thinking that if Master Fu could make himself a senti monster then maybe Hawk Moth could accumatize himself and it was Gabriel Agreste after all. I was talking to the kwamies and one of them actually confirmed it. So I went over to there mansion and I spied on them and I saw him go into his secret lair and I knew I had to investigate further. So I came back that night when everyone was asleep and I snuck in and I was able to get into the secret lair. I wanted more proof so I talked to Rena Rouge and we used her security cameras and caught him transforming and uh, yeah.” Ladybug said fast to get it over with.

“Woah, so Gabriel Agreste really is Hawk Moth?” Chat Noir felt utterly crushed. He thought he might cry, but just as he was about to Ladybug started talking again.

“That’s not it.” She said.

“What do you mean that’s not it? There is more?” Chat Noir asked.

“I have reason to believe his son may be in on it too. I can’t exactly tell you why because it would compromise my secret identity and I shouldn’t even be telling you this, but know him in real life. I never would have thought he could be a super villain and I am still not entirely sure, but there is some evidence.”

“I’m sorry what? You think I’m a super villain?!” Chat Noir burst out hurt.

“What? No? I said Adrien Agreste you need to get your ears checked Chat Noir.”

“No, no, I heard you right. How could you think I’m a super villain?! Plagg claws in...”

“WHAT ARE YOU DO- omg A-a-a-ad-adr-adrien-“ Ladybug was shocked and didn’t know what to say. “Well I uh, I guess you’re probably not helping your dad be Hawk Moth are you?” Ladybug felt pretty bad, but the evidence was pretty damming so she did have a reason too suspect him.

“No I, uh I’m not- wait you said we know each other in real life? Who are you then?” Adrien was thinking back to trouble maker and it hit him... sorta. “Are you Marinette? It you couldn’t be sure she looked like you in that ladybug costume a while back, but I saw you two together back when she was Mini Mouse.”

Ladybug covered her mouth and laughed nervously for a second and answered, “well, uhm, heh, you, uh, y-you got me. Heh heh..... heh”

“Wait, what???” Adrien was very confused.

“I guess I owe you the same courtesy. Spots off.”

“I knew it! You are Marinette! So the girl who I’m in love with is Marinette. You know it’s funny actually. I started liking you when you convinced my dad to let me go to New York. It was the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” It was starting to get late and the sun started to set and they sat down next to each other.

“Well Adrien I have like you since you gave me your umbrella. I thought I made it obvious, but you are just utterly oblivious. Like I basically told you by accident back at the wax museum, like how did you not know???”

“It’s not my fault! I didn’t have any experience with people other than Chloé up until a year ago.” They sat there in silence for a little while just enjoying each other’s company when suddenly they both leaned in for a kiss. It felt like no one existed except them. Adrien still felt crushed, but he knew it would be ok as long as he had his lady.

[lilyharvord]

Some new bookish asks for you all

Hi I didn’t get tagged to do this, but I’m bored and I’ve got some hot takes. I’m going to start the chain. Imma tag some peeps too. Do the whole thing if you want or not at all. @scxrletguardsdawn @evangelineartemiasamos @cptdanvxrs

1. Which book would you consider the best book you’ve ever read and why? 

Honeslty a hard tie between The Red Queen Series and Elsewhere. Okay, so while RQ does have it’s flaws, it was a book series I started my sophomore year of high school when I was starting to reach the bottom of the barrel mentally and was realizing that maybe I wasn’t as happy as I thought I was. That book got me through high school, along with Glass Sword. When I say I weeped reading Mare Barrow’s internal dialogue in GS I was actually sitting under my covers junior/senior year WEEPING with a flashlight because on one hand I had never felt closer to a character, and on the other had never felt so understood in a book before. As for Elsewhere... that book (while being a young readers book) profoundly affected how I view life, death, and everything in between. I highly recommend it. You have to have a little patience with it as an older reader, because it is probably meant for middle school readers, but some of the things said in that book are definitely meant for older readers to ponder.

2. Are you an Austen person or a Bronte person?

Haut take. Both. (P&P holds a very special place in my heart)

3. Are there any genres you will not read?

Contemporary romance and Contemporary/non-fiction books (i’ve tried. I really have to read these and I just cant do it.) 

4. Are you a fast or slow reader?

Depends on your definition of slow/fast. I’d say I’m fast, I can read 500-600 page books in a day, but that’s going morning until almost 2 the next morning. 

5. What was your relationship with books like as a child?

They were my escape. I was heavily bullied in elementary/middle school so I would read 2-3 in a week to just escape. I think this is why I can’t read contemporary stuff, I need the fantasy. 

6. Are you the type of person who will read a book to the end whether you like it or not, or will you put it down straight away if you’re not feeling into it?

Honestly, normally I’ll push through. I think the only one I physically put down because I couldn’t take it was ACOWAR. My friend made me finish it two years or so ago so that she could complain without having to explain everything before she did. 

7. Have you ever despised something you have read?

*side eyes the entirety of Throne of Glass and A Court of Wings and Ruin* 

8. Do you prefer to read first person or third person?

Nope. But I do prefer to write in 1st person (it’s cheating, I know.)

9. Are you for or against multiple narrators in the same book?

Give me all the POVs please. 

10. Bookmarks, dog ears or leaving the novel open and face down to keep your spot?

All the above. I’ll use my dog if I have to mark my place if I have nothing nearby XD

11. Do you prefer to read at a certain time of day?

Nope. If I’ve got a book that I’m reading, I’ll read at anytime.

12. Do you need to finish a book before you can move on to the next one, or will you have multiple books going at once?

I feel called out, because right now I have like three books that I’m trying to read at the same time, but I normally like to finish a book before starting another

13. How do you chose which book to read next?

The wand chooses the wizard. Lol normally I find a book that has a good premise that I like and normally I’ll read that. Although I do take suggestions from people.

14. What is your favourite children’s book?

This is very hard but The Tale of Despereaux, or The Wrinkle In Time series. Does the Book Thief count? Cause if so that books on this list too. If we’re talking really really young: The Original Velveteen Rabbit or Goodnight Moon (my mom used to read both to me when I was little and i have vivid memories of that). 

15. Do you agree that Jane Eyre should be considered a feminist novel?

Young high school me vehemently says yes. But older wiser me squints and says: hmmmmnnnnnnnn maybe. 

16. What’s your favourite of Shakespeare’s plays?

Hamlet, Othello, Much Ado About Nothing, and Macbeth

17. Do you know any poetry by heart?

Sadly no. 

18. Did you enjoy the Hunger Games?

I’m unashamed to say I still do. 

19. E-reader or traditional book?

I like traditional books, but the older I get the more I like E-readers because it makes it so much easier to transport all my babies. 

20. Do you read in the bathroom?

not really. 

21. Ideal reading position?

Curled up somewhere with a drink. 

22. Hardcover or paperback?

Which ever has the prettier cover XD

23. Nicest edition or cheapest edition?

Which ever has the prettier cover XD

24. Do you prefer happy endings or sad endings?

OOOOOOOo haut take, I prefer the ending that the book calls for. Whether it be happy or sad. 

25. Do you enjoy concepts in books to be concrete or abstract?

Depends on what I’m reading. Sometimes, I like a book that calls me to think about the world around me and question things. Other times I like to have a book I can just dive into and tear through without having to think too much. But I think all books call for us to think about abstract concepts of the universe on some level. 

26. A book you studied in school and ended up loving?

Jane Eyre, and Brave New World, Tuck Everlasting 

27. Classics or modern literature?

Is it not enough to love both equally? XD

28. Thoughts on adults reading YA?

I am an adult reading YA. I dont know if I will ever stop either. 

29. Have you ever read a book in another language?

I’ve read some easy books in spanish back when I was in high school. 

30. Have you ever written your own book?

Tee hee hee, she’s been sent to an editor and Im await his first thoughts. ((((: 

[hardforbenhardy]

~ prompt list ~

if you ever send in a request, feel free to add in a prompt for the list!! just send the number with the request in reference to this list vv

1. I swear its like you’re losing brain cells by the minute

2. Wait… stay.

3. You really want to know what I’m thinking?

4. Could you stay out of this, for once?

5. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out

6. And then there were 2

7. In the bathroom? really?

8. Were you born this way or is it something you just work on every day?

9. You don’t clear your history do you?

10. It’s like I’m living in the stone age

11. How long have you been standing there?

12. Stay on your side

13. It’s all over the walls

14. I swear, she’s clueless

15. A year ago I would’ve been terrified

16. Have you changed that pillowcase once?

17. She sure is smiling tonight

18. Now, I know what this looks like, but we’re gonna laugh about it soon…

19. It was his idea

20. You couldn’t go three days without me

21. It’s only 4 feet

22. Let me go

23. After you

24. You couldn’t be more blind if you were actually blind

25. It’s different with you

26. Mmm, bubblegum flavour

27. Fetch me one, peasant

28. That’s not how it sounded last night

29. Breathe into your body

30. You bought all 10?

31. I’ll always look after you

32. That’s what you’re wearing?

33. If only I had some inspiration…

34. I’ll clear your head

35. I swear you bring out the best/worst in me   (50/50 right there)

36. I’m way too sober for this

37. I need somewhere to stay

38. You really don’t remember?

39. For you, anything goes

40. The doctor said it’s normal

41. You bought WHAT?

42. You can’t stay in there forever, unlock the door

43. That is a terrible idea perfect for a time like this

44. And after all these years, why today?

45. Use your words.

46. What happened to your face?

47. I will always love you

48. You are going to be the death of me

49. Please come over

50. You flinch again, and I bite

51. This is illegal?

52. We are not getting married!

53. Stop following me like a lost puppy

54. Can you two stop embarassing me?

55. I can’t believe you would do this to me

56. You don’t always have to be in control

57. They’re going to kill you when they find out you...

58. Your tutor is pretty hot

59. Why have you been so secretive lately?

60. I’m dying

61. Don’t push me away anymore

62. How come you’re the only one who can see me?

63. I just wanted to hear your voice

64. You’re a nightmare

65. I’m not helping you babysit

66. Just so you know, this isn’t a date

67. Did we sleep together?

68. How long are you going to keep blackmailing me?

69. I’m not taking you to hospital just because you stunned your toe

70. If you won’t do it - I will

71. I can’t remember anything

72. You’re telling me how to do it?

73. I tested positive

74. If only I had some motivation…

75. You can’t go- not now.

76. We’ll find a way 

77. Bite me

78. Shouldn’t you be with her/him?

79. It wasn’t your fault

80. Did you need something?

81. You cant handle me

82. I could never do that to you

83. Promise me.

84. You’re going to catch me, right?

85. You lay one hand on her and I will end you

86. This has got to be illegal

87. Somewhere deep down in you,  I know you agree

88. I’m sorry, I thought you knew…

89. Don’t stoop to his level

90. You can’t be in here

91. I just want to help, let me help

92. Are we there yet?

93. Carry me!

94. You’ve known all this time?

95. Are you wearing my shirt?

96. I cant hear my thoughts over you’re weeping

97. This has to be a prank

98. Wanna bet?

99. Why would you do that for me?

100. Wow you really don’t pick up on hints, do you?

101. Prove it.

102. I wont allow this, I cant accept it.

103. Quit staring.

104. You bought me what?

105. I think it’s backwards

106. Wait, you’re allergic?!

107. Jinx

108. Get comfy, because this is gonna take awhile

109. You’re going to regret this

110. Truth or dare

111. Well would ya look at that? You were right.

112. Go ahead, hit me

113. Ever heard of knocking?

114. Im banned from there

115. Get down from there before you hurt yourself

116. Did I stutter?

117. I heard you say it in your sleep

118. Who’s bra is that?

119. Hold me. Just hold me.

120. This isn’t how I planned on telling you, but…

121. This was a bad idea

122. I cant do anything right.

123. Please don’t cry

124. Why are you awake right now?

125. Why are you lying to me?

126. Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole!

127. Don’t you ever do that again

128. Do you even still love me?

129. Nobody’s seen you in days.

130. I’m worried about you

131. Can you shut up for once in your life

132. Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know

133. If you don’t hug me right now I think I’ll fall apart

134. Just get home as soon as possible okay?

135. I told you not to fall in love with me!

136. Go with me? As long as you hold my hand

137. Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?

138. Have you seen my hoodie? Nooo. You’re wearing it, aren’t you?

139. OH you’re jealous!

140. Can we stay like this forever?

141. Please just kiss me already

142. I think you might be my soulmate

143. Sleep over? Please?

144. Are we on a date right now?

145. I think I’m in love with you

146. Are you flirting with me? You finally noticed?

147. Am I your lock screen? You weren’t supposed to see that

148. I wish we could live with each other already

149. They’re so cute when they’re asleep

150. I just wanted to let you know you’re beautiful

151. You take my breath away ... you know, like the song haha

152. Quit touching me, your feet are cold!

153. Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie

154. Did you seriously just get your foot stuck in a toilet? Maybe

155. If I die, I’m haunting you first

156. But I’ve never told you that before

157. Stop being grumpy, it’s lame

158. Can we please stop running, I think I’m going to die

159. Can you please... hmmm I don’t know, maybe put a shirt on?!

160. You come here often? Well I work here so I think I’d have to say yes

161. Aren’t we supposed to be working?

162. You’re insane! You love me. Not right not now I don’t

163. Give me attention

164. YOU SAID TO BE HONEST, STOP HITTING ME!

165. Okay, so maybe I didn’t see that coming

166. I’m too sober for this. You don’t even drink. Maybe I should start

167. You met me yesterday. Yes, and I would die for you, next question

168. I’m telling you, I’m haunted

169. Well, that’s tragic

170. She’s hiding behind the sofa

171. I’d kill for a coffee... literally

172. What do you mean she’s my new partner? She tried to kill me last week! Sounds like a you problem

173. Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion

174. I’m bulletproof, but please don’t shoot me

175. It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka

176. No. Regrets

177. How drunk was I?

178. How is my wife more badass than me?

179. It’s your turn to make dinner

180. They’re not your kids, back the fuck off

181. I could punch you right now

182. Welcome back. Now fucking help me

183. I’m not buying Ikea furniture ever again

184. That was kind of hot

[dianapana]

SasuHina Month Day 2- Vampire

Hey guys, I'm back with day 2 woopwoop, i know they are kinda posted close one to the other, but i wanna catch up to the day that i should be at and as i said im on the road most of August so when i gind time and ok internet connection i wanna try to upload. Also fun fact, i chose May 26th cuz here where i live, Transylvania, that day is Dracula day so i thought it fitted nice with the prompt. ANYWAY i hope you enjoy ~Love Dia

♡•♡•♡

Every year on 26th May for the past 8 centuries people of Konoha go to the Hyuuga mansion to pray for the souls of all the lost. Not the dead, but those that are missing. They came to the mansion weep and tell sad stories about people that have mysteriously disappeared that year. They pray for those souls and ask the Gods to be kind to them in the following year. The tradition started when people of Konoha decided that all those people go missing because of a curse that started on the 12th century, the first missing person being the first Hyuuga princess of that time. This tradition happens of the anniversary of her disappearance.

In the Hyuuga mansion there is an glass coffin in the middle of the study room where the most life-like doll of Hinata, the Hyuuga princess lays. There is a small gold plate that tells the doll's story how it was made as a gift for Hiashi, the first king and Hinata's father for what would have been the girl's 21rst birthday, 7 months after she went missing. The doll is the oldest object in the whole village and also the most valuable one. Everyone always talkes about the doll, about its beauty and the sad story behind it and about the curse that it somewhat represents. But actually there are very few people that know the tale behind the “doll" and the missing people.

The Hyuugas do not know the truth, not even Hiashi was aware when he was alive all those years ago, they do have a but more information than the general public but they believe the doll to be the embodiment of evil since many of them have walked around the house in the middle of the night to find the glass coffin empty. These stories of the doll being haunted have not left the Hyuuga household in order not to panic the people.

The only ones to know the truth are the Uchihas, a clan so old and with such morbid past that the village do not dare speak their name. They all believe the clan to be dead, but the Uchihas live and thrive in the middle of the forest. They all know about Hinata and all the missing people over the past 8 centuries because they have been alive to see it all happen.

“It's may 26th today.” Itachi says looking over his shoulder toward his little brother. “it’s funny how we don’t have any grasp over time and days anymore but this day always stands out"

“Hn. It is different because it’s the only day all year round when Hinata is later than usually. The people buzz around her today like moths to a flame.” Sasuke grumbles. His eyes are closed and he sits on his back on the porch of their house. Itachi is in front if him watching two newbies beings scolded by Fugaku, his father. Itachi's back is to Sasuke but he turns his head to see his brother.

“Maybe its time for the doll to disappear. You both hate how she has to be there during the day. It has been 8 centuries. The first couple of hundred of years I understood she stood back to watch over her family and their children but now she has little in common with the Hyuugas nowadays but the name. The bloodline has been altered over the years, she no longer should feel responsible for them. Her close relatives lived and died, as did their children, and their children and so forth”

Sasuke gets up and runs both hands over his face “I know, but I’m not sure how to bring this up to her. She’s been doing it for so long, I know she still feels bad for the way her father broke down when she ‘went missing’ I think she s looking over the Hyuugas to try to make sure that no one here tries to turn or eat one of them.”

The day Hinata appeared in their lives is one none will forget, the soft spoken princess was pray to one of their newbies even if Fugaku instructed them all not to prey on royalty and bring unwanted attention to them. The fragile girl just wouldn’t die even after being almost drained of blood after that newbie failed to control his hunger. He brought her back to the house with very little blood in her system since most of it he had drank and a good part of it was on his hands and clothes. The said newbie was punished while the girl was saved by being fed vampire blood. She had woken up almost 3 days later in transition, after that she was treated like a new vampire and taught everything she needed to know. It took her barely 1 month to get used to her new way of being while most took over an year. The youngest Uchiha boy took a liking to her and in less than 1 month she became one of the only vampire that he tolerated.

5 months later, a few before her birthday she asked him to take her back to see her family and Sasuke helped her sneak into her old house only to find all her family in deep mourning over her. After returning to the Uchiha house that night she asked Sasuke to help her find a way to return home without rising any suspicions. That is how she became a ‘doll' that stays all day in the glass coffin in her old house. It began as a way for her to watch over her family but now after so many years its just her normal. Sasuke sometimes curses the day that he compelled a wealthy friend of Hinata's father to take her to him in her coffin as a gift for the wounded family on her birthday.

When Fugaku found out he was furious but the damage was done, the doll disappearing would do even more harm so he could not undo it. Hinata started spending most of her day there doing nothing, sitting in her coffin with her eyes open and not moving, listening and watching everything. The time they spent in those 8 months was more than they did in the past 8 centuries. When she is back at the Uchiha house she does basic and vital things such as eating, washing herself and sleeping.

The conversation between brothers changed to another topic since that one was of no use. Many hours later when Hinata finally returns to the Uchiha house instead of seeing Sasuke for a few minutes before eating she finds Itachi in her room looking tense.

“Itachi? Is something wrong?” her mind going staright to Sasuke, did something happen to him?

“I did something that needed done long ago.” The older Uchiha says and walks over to her to place his hands on her forearms, it started as a sweet genuine act but his hold soon becomes hostile and more powerful, it is borderline painful. “It's over Hinata. No more games. You are either here or you are somewhere else. The Hyuuga house is no longer an option”

Her eyes widens. “What do you mean?” When a few seconds pass and Itachi hasn’t answered yet Hinata whisperes again “What did you do?”

“I fixed the problem. You no longer have a reason to be there, and you being here just for a bit hurts my brother. You can choose to be here forever or not another moment. The glass coffin is broken. There is a man on the run that believes he has stolen and sold the doll. There are evidence that lead to him all around the ‘crime' scene. You are free to be here or to go. If you are still here in the morning it means you can never leave. I've allowed you for too long to string Sasuke along you either set him free by leaving, by rejecting him yet staying here or the two of you can go back to being how you were in the first 7 months of you being a vampire.” Finishing his speech Itachi left before allowing Hibata to say a word.

The next day Sasuke comes out of his room very disoriented, he doesn’t remember going to bed and he usually always talks to Hianta for a bit before that, even if it is one of those days in which she comes late. The moon is on the sky once more which meant he has been out of it for almost 24h. In the kitchen he finds his brother, eyeing Itachi suspiciously Sasuke wants to question him but a familiar laugh catches his attention from the garden. With no word to Itachi he followes the voice, not noticing his brother's smirk.

“Hinata? Why are you here? What about the Hyuugas?” he askes. She turns around, walks to him and wraps herself around him in a hug.

“It’s over. No more doll. I am here now and I will be forever"

[mirohed]

song mingi | meant to be

pairing: song mingi + gender neutral reader

genre: soulmate au + angst 🤠

wc: 1.2k

synopsis: some things are meant to be.

Some things are meant to be.

The sun rises and sets. The waves crash against the shore. You’ve got Mingi by your side, no matter what.

You watch the sun dip below the sea together, lean into his touch as burnt orange seeps into the sky and sets it aflame. He runs his thumb along the sweeping black marks on your exposed skin. He doesn’t look to read the name; he knows it is not his. You know that on his body, wedged between his shoulder blades, there is a name that is not yours.

The universe and the powers that be tell you that you can’t. You can’t be with someone whose name isn’t etched on your body. The universe doesn’t work like that. You and Mingi prove that you can. It’s been years, and you two have no plans of splitting. As long as you have him, you think, you don’t need to meet “your person.” Mingi is already “your person,” the one who traces circles into your skin when you’re feeling nervous, the one who kicks your ass in Mario Kart, the one you’re meant to be with. You’re sure of it.

It starts like this: your first year of high school, and the winds of change. A lanky boy, not yet used to his height, in your math class. A friendship, and the promise of something more hidden between the lines.

“You’re not my soulmate,” you tell him. It’s all you can think to say after he holds his whole heart out to you, his true feelings out in the open. You’re walking side by side, a cold drink in one hand. The other is empty. Your fingers twitch; Mingi’s hand is right there, but you can’t, you can’t, you can’t.

“And you’re not mine. But it’s just a name. The same of someone I might never meet. But you?” There’s a soft smile on his face as he stops, leans in, the touch of his lips feather-light against your own. “You’re right here.”

He changes your mind about it. For so long, you had felt like you were chained to one person, someone you’d end up with, sure, but someone you didn’t choose. The feeling Mingi gives you reminds you of flying, of freedom. And when he tells you he loves you for the first time, over some shared takeout, you think that he also feels like home.

It ends like this: you wake up one morning, his side of the bed cold. There’s a post-it note stuck to your phone screen, a message scrawled onto it by your boyfriend.

went to the grocery store to pick up milk

You peel the paper off to see your notification center flooded. Ten missed calls and what appears to be an endless stream of texts fill the screen. You manage to read the most recent ones. They’re all from Mingi.

[8:05 AM] lovebug: im sorry

[8:05 AM] lovebug: im s o sprry

[8:05 AM] lovebug: youre prbably still as leep

[8:06 AM] lovebug: i love you

[8:06 AM] lovebug: i lov e yiu so much

[8:07 AM] lovebug: ims ory

It’s been about fifteen minutes since his last text, and you gnaw at your bottom lip. When you ask what happened, there’s no reply. You settle for keeping your phone close while you make the bed. Your phone never goes off, but the door to your shared apartment opens, bringing you out of the bedroom in a flash.

His hair’s unbrushed, and he’s still in his pajamas. But what kills you is the look on his face, void of the goofy grin you’ve come to associate him with. The gallon of milk he picked up gets placed on the counter without a word. He refuses to meet your eye when you ask him what’s wrong, when you move close and take his hands in yours.

It’s then that he begins to sob, and you hold him for what feels like hours. He doesn’t return the embrace, but at some point, he looks up at you. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, his voice cracking as tears run down his face. He wraps his arms around you, but this time it’s different.

You’ve received countless hugs from Mingi; bone-crushing ones after the last day of school, shy ones from when your relationship was new, tender ones prefacing a kiss to the forehead. He holds you tight, but there’s no fervor or excitement behind it. You run your fingers through his hair as he shakes, body wracked with grief.

It’s then that you realize it. For the first time, he’s holding you like something that might break in his hands if he got too reckless. You’re something priceless, something precious, something fragile.

“I met him,” he mumbles into the crook of your neck. “Yunho.”

You know that name. You’ve seen it, said it, traced its letters along Mingi’s back. Your mouth falls into a silent “o.” Everything makes sense now. The world as you know it rips itself apart and swallows you whole.

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” you tell him. “We knew this was gonna happen, and I’m not gonna stop you from being with your soulmate.”

He comes face to face with you, so close that your noses touch. He cups your face in his hands (again with that sense of fragility) and wipes away tears you didn’t know you had. “I love you. More than anything. And I know… I know that we said that you don’t need a soulmate to be complete, or your own person, that it’s all a load of shit, but when I was with him…” He pauses, blinking away tears of his own. “I felt whole. Complete.”

His next words are a whisper, barely audible over your weeping. “I think we were wrong.”

That hurts more than anything, slams into your gut with staggering force, knocks the wind right out of you. All you can do is clutch at the fabric of his shirt and let it all out.

Mingi begins to move out, and you get to meet his soulmate. Jeong Yunho is just as tall as Mingi, with a similarly silly smile that he seems to grace everyone with. Even you. You try to get angry, try to hate Jeong Yunho, but you can’t. You can’t help but marvel at the power of soulmates when he seems to know Mingi better than you ever could.

Every trace of Mingi begins to disappear from the apartment. His toothbrush. His clothes. The scent of him on his side of the bed. In your darkest hours, through a wine-drunk haze, you hope that the memory of him is soon to follow.

(You don’t mean that. You never could.)

When you scroll through Instagram and see a photo of them together at the beach as the sun sets, you’re left with one thought:

Some things are meant to be.

[spontaneoushiccups-blog]

What a year. I can hear Iris shouting from her crib in the other room, boisterously rejecting her afternoon nap. She is tall and big- with magically copper colored hair and light, twinkly blue eyes. Everywhere we go everyone falls in love with her. Her charisma is pure magic. She looks right at you and smiles coyly. She buries her head in your chest and looks up at you with a big toothy grin- binky still in her mouth. She shrieks at the top of her lungs with vigorous demand for food or attention or just a laugh. It takes a lot of willpower for me not to say to every stranger who comments on her undeniable charm, “you have no idea. This kid has gracefully survived in her first year more medical trauma than you will probably see in your entire life.” I used to tell everyone she came into contact with- but I’ve learned that it freaks people out. Sometimes I still do it, but I find joy in knowing how much her light lights up every room- even without anyone knowing what a tremendous gift her light actually is. All the things she has been through- what we have been through together.

It’s been nearly 10 months since I’ve taken the time to sit down and write about all of this. At moments it was too hard. In other moments I was just too tired to look at it. As I sit in our brightly lit living room on a perfect, clear, cold green spring day in Portland on the eve of my beautiful baby’s birthday, I am compelled to. So much has happened. In June- while on the coast with our family we got a call that her BT Shunt was bent and could fail at any moment- giving us just a few moments to save her failing heart, and that we had to drop everything and go immediately back to Portland, directly to the chlidren’s hospital and prepare for her to have her Glenn heart operation 2 months premature (and those were 2 important months.) So we left. We sent our 5 year old to California and we drove as fast we could to the hospital. We listened to Kid A the whole way and cried. We got there and there she laid- smiling and pale in a new hospital room, gentle and patient with the wires and the beeping- the constant prodding and poking, adjusting, testing. Until after a few days of monitoring her- the maternal instinct of the fill in cardiologist (ours was in Korea and no one could reach him) canceled the surgery hours before it was to take place. Then just-like-that we were home again and the turmoil calmed and it was another “until next time.” We just had to get our other daughter back from California.

Then there was the feeding tube. The fucking feed tube. She would pull it out and we would be stunned by her beautiful, bare face- not realizing how normalized we had become to that awful yellow tube with its big slab of taciderm tape across her perfect, plump cheek. She would often, quite proudly, pull it out. Every single time we had to put it back up her tiny nostril, and force it down her throat- causing our tiny baby who we were told not to “let cry” because of her heart, would scream in pain and discomfort. I physically couldn’t do it. Major respect to my wonderful husband who reinserted it every single time. My job was to pin down her little arms as she squirmed and screamed. I would carefully cut the taciderm tape into the shape I had perfected with so much practice. He would put in the tube, and as fast as I could I would lay down the pad, stretch the tape just slightly and stick it to her sweet, sad face. We would usually chase the experience down with a shot of vodka. We eventually joked that the stress was so intense, afterward it was like trying to sedate a wild rhinoceros- our skin was too tough to penetrate, even with vodka. It just made us feel a little less like we were on fire. A nurse once told me that they surveyed patients and providers alike about what the most upsetting outpatient procedure to perform or endure was. It was hands down the NG tube for both patient and medical personnel. Worse than an IV, worse than a G-tube, worse than setting a bone. So at least everyone hates it as much as us, I guess.

Once she started getting big enough to be interested in food that wasn’t formula- we opted to have a GTube placed surgically in her stomach so that the NG living in her throat wouldn’t potentially affect her long term love of food (an important quality in this family.) Once placed- we never ended up using it. Im told this is a common phenomenon. The minute that tube left her face- she started eating (and growing) really well. Because it had to be surgically placed- as a precaution it had to go six months without use before we could remove it. That six months officially came this last Saturday. After we were given a blessing on the phone by the general surgery team- Ryan and I rather nervously deflated the little water balloon that kept it steady in her belly and pulled it out right out. She hardly even noticed. We covered it with a bandaid and within a matter of a few hours, the pencil sized hole turned into a closed up wink of scar tissue. Just like that. It feels incredible to hold her and feel her soft belly without that awkward, plastic button poking through.

At the end of August- at the appropriately scheduled time she went in for her Glenn heart surgery. She had a pre-cath procedure to determine the size of her arteries (nice and plump) and we were hoping that her anatomy would reveal that she was a good candidate for the “Cath Fontan” a new procedure they are starting to do more regularly here in Oregon that would make it so her chest would not have to be reopened for her third surgery, the Fontan, between the ages of 3 and 5. In order to do it they would have to etch a little patch in her heart while her chest was open during the Glenn. Anytime a child’s (or anyone I assume) sternum is opened they have to go through 8-10 weeks of sternal precautions, meaning no torque whatsoever to her arms, and no lifting from her armpits. Not as difficult to do on a baby that you can just scoop right up- but a bit of a logistical nightmare for a 4 year old who would probably want to be held. So the idea of instead going through her thigh, a much shorter hospital stay, and an overall less traumatic experience for her (us) was beyond appealing. (Not even to mention that Iris will have no memory whatsoever of her surgeries this year- but by 3 or 4 years old will.) We were given a photo of her heart and all her arteries- like a tiny tree with sinewy branches reaching out, stark white against a black backdrop. They told us it didn’t look like she would be a good candidate for the cath fontan, afterall.

So another morning came and another anesthesiologist explained how they would put her under. Again a surgeon drew the little diagram of her unique little heart and explained in a foreign language what they were about to do. Again we signed all the papers and kissed her on her little forehead and a team of medical professionals wheeled her down the hall away from us. We went to the garden and prayed (something I never used to do, but often do now.) We waited in the gorgeous family waiting room with 11 foot tall windows looking out against the fremont bridge that arches across the twinkling Willamette river. Hours before I expected to see or hear anything the surgeon came in to talk to us. I was scared. He was gentle and soft spoken. She was out! She had done a great job and was already waking up from anesthesia, her little striped orange kitty rattle still at her side. He was pleased to tell us that once he got an actual look at her heart (something I will never be able to fathom) that she was a perfect candidate for the cath fontan, afterall. We burst into tears.

And then we were out of interstage. I will never forget the day the medical supplies company came and took away her oxygen tanks, her scale, her blood oximeter. In many ways I feel like interstage was an extension of my traumatic pregnancy. That once the Glenn was over the stork finally arrived and brought me this beautiful, smiling baby. The summer was such a blur of chaos, sadness, stress. I felt like death was sitting in the corner of every room and then one day- he was gone. Sometimes I still see him out of the corner of my eye. Who after all is safe from death? Not one of us. But I’m not so constantly reminded anymore. In the place of that worry- of seeing mortality with xray vision, all the time, every day, I instead can marvel at the way Iris melts every stranger at the grocery store. I weep every time she falls asleep, heavy on my chest. A few weeks ago I stepped out of the shower and there she was standing in her crib, big and strong and beautiful with her bright red, magic hair glowing from the sun behind her, and she looked me right in the eyes and put her arms up and said “Mama!” for the very first time. I felt it all the way in my toes. I used to love to tell people the enormity of what she went through- to watch their eyes widen as I reminded them of their own mortality- but now I know better how to quietly, graciously, understand that lurking under the skin of every darkness- there is beauty, and it was always there.

[jasonblossomsghost]

1-64 and 65: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?mm no more my own? i dissociate Constantly

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?4 unless i’m w someone else then 1

3. The person you would never want to meet?drumpf

4. What is your favorite word?hmm idk iridocyclitis is fun, a meme, and i work for an eye doctor so relevant to my occupation

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?i like weeping willows and i cry a lot so

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?we’re really doing this again huh

7. What shirt are you wearing?a long sleeved red and navy striped shirt that my mommy gave me

8. What do you label yourself as?a disaster

9. Bright room or dark room?bright room. fun fact: when i was ab 13 i could not sleep unless my overhead light was on. sometimes if im doing really badly i still need it lmao

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?uhh iirc i was talking to my boyfriend and playing wordscapes

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?idk 19 is going ok so far

12. Who told you they loved you last?my boyfriend

13. Your worst enemy?either myself or this one coworker of mine who i genuinely hate

14. What is your current desktop picture?just the preset one,,, idc that much lmao

15. Do you like someone?i mean my s/o is pretty cool sometimes

16. The last song you listened to?Outside - The Early November

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?me bitch tf

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?that one coworker... this one patient at my job who degrades me and my coworkers constantly

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?no one and nothing... i like to do things myself

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)idk tbh 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?don’t really like this question or the phrase opposite sex in general  so pass /:

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?nah i’m Talentless

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?you know overflow drains in like bathtubs? until i was like 10 i had to have my back against them bc i was scared people could watch me through it 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.i live off popcorn so i dont eat or like sandwiches really

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?put it in savings. i’m tryna move out in 6 months

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?hmm idk. i have a friend in san francisco i havent seen in forever so that would be lit

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?smirnoff 100%

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no geminis

29. What is your favorite expletive?fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?i was gonna say my fire safe box that has my social security card, birth certificate, etc then i was like wait a minute... but tbh idk maybe my laptop? or my purse?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?my childhood was like 98% trauma but like.. it made me not suck that bad so i’ll keep it

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!i wanna move to seattle but thats in country so.. no idea. sweden? i like ikea

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?don’t fuck w the dead. no one is coming back

34. What was your last dream about?last sunday night i dreamt i woke up monday (christmas eve) and didnt go to work even though i was supposed to (paranoia. i had the day off lmao)

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?i am very good at loving dogs

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?yeah lots of times lmao

37. Have you ever built a snowman?yep. shitty but a snowman

38. What is the color of your socks?black

39. What type of music do you like?depends. sad boi music lately

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?sunrises 100%

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?i can’t drink milk /: but maybe strawberry

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)i am gay idk sports

43. Do you have any scars?quite a few! i’m a clumsy clusterfuck

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?i’m currently in college for poli sci and after i graduate w my BA, i wanna go to law school

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?idk?? like i hate myself but i also dont really wanna change anything

46. Are you reliable?generally yes. but i am known to cancel plans bc i’m depressed lol

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?hows life dude

48. Do you hold grudges?oh hell yeah not gonna play like i dont

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?nope dont like that At All

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?nothing really stands out... probably something from work but i take 100 calls a day so? they all blur together

51. Are you a good liar?really good. i don’t lie though. i’m actually brutally honest bordering on asshole

52. How long could you go without talking?dayssss i love not speaking

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?uhh freshman year i had an awful side part... next

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?yeah! i’m really great at cooking and baking!

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?not really? i took 2 years french and 4 years spanish and to pronounce properly i have to talk differently so i guess i kinda take on an accent then? but not actually

56. What do you like on your toast?i have celiac and gluten free bread is like $5 i dont eat toast lmao

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?i had to do a portrait in the style of francis bacon for my art final

58. What would be you dream car?ideally something that uses clean energy other than that idc

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.no and no.. i just shower what y’all doing in the shower

60. Do you believe in aliens?1000000%

61. Do you often read your horoscope?not often.. like if i happen across it i’ll read it

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?i’m not sure. m is a nice letter

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?dinosaurs bc they were real

64. What do you think about babies?honestly? terrified of them 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.if i were a bird maybe a magpie? or a crow or raven? or one of those really annoying parakeets

[sirius-archive]

Dating Sirius Black would include:

okay im ngl when you first started dating, everyone was salty af because everyone has a crush on ya boy

and he was so so proud to be yours

he still is, actually

lots of pda because he loves showing you off as his gf

forehead kisses

sleepy mornings curled up in his arms

*pouts* “don’t go, i’ll be cold,” 

“sirius, i will piss all over your sheets....”

sirius loves playing with your hair, like he can’t keep his fingers out of it. its like a web and he is just drawn to it

meanwhile, you are loving the head massages

he is always such a fucking gentleman

opening the door for you, standing when you arrive/leave the room, pulling out your chair....

it’s all that posh boy class he was raised with

but at the same time, he’s your leather-wearing rebel

you’re the reason sirius becomes a huge softie 

and the boys always tease him about it

“oh, here comes sappy sirius. he’ll be crying over romantic movies and getting his period soon...”

“hey prongs, hows Evans going? she still hates you? oh, what a shame...”

dancing in the rain

adventures on his motorcycle

like, you have no idea where you’re going or where you’ll end up but as long as you’re with sirius, then its fine

a shit load of teasing because sirius is horny 25/8

“sirius, we’re in potions!” 

“so you’d rather listen to slughorn than have me get you off?” 

teasing him back 

“(y/n), you are driving me insane,” 

daddy sirius punishing his little princess ;)

not making it to the bedroom so you end up having sex in random places

rough, wild fucking

but also slow, passionate love-making

double dates with james and lily

“oh yeah, prongs, remember the time you laughed so hard, pumpkin juice poured from your nose and you nearly died!” 

“not one of my brightest moments,” 

“i don’t think you know what they are, james.” 

wearing. his. clothes. 

especially his leather jacket because its so warm and it smells like him

(he smells like warm cinnamon intertwining with amber and sedecutive spices, dancing elegantly with the smoky confidence of masculine leather. i’ve given his scent a lot of thought okay)

becoming, like, the fifth marauder

the boys dote on you

“she’s my girlfriend, moony!” 

oh yeah, so much jealousy

sirius is bloody gorgeous when he’s jealous

and he’s like...all sharp lines, agressive eyes and a clenched jaw. 

he has a very beautiful smile that he wears whenever he talks about/to you and its impossible to wipe from his face

oh his kisses

they’re like fire whiskey - sweet and intoxicating

you get high off the taste of his lips

and his kisses are like a damn drug

you’re addicted 

and he has an apetite for you and you alone

it’s torture when his lips aren’t touching yours

so McGonagall is always like 

*exasperated sigh* “i don’t think the answer to question seven is on (y/n)’s lips...”

*dreamily, in his lovely, husky voice* “we’re still in transfiguration?”

everyone shipping you once they get over their envy 

like you two are antony and cleopatra 

you, sirius, james and lily are the power couples of hogwarts 

being his best friend, his lover, and his rock

you keep him anchored, you breathe fresh life into his lungs

he spills all his secrets to you

and you listen 

you care 

and you’re not afraid or too proud to show that you care

he’s not afraid to tell you how much he loves you

ahhh you’re just...like...soul mates, star-crossed lovers, and everyone knows it and ahhh i am weeping 

*slinks back into cave and eats doritos. 

[creaturebloom]

this is a 65 question ask meme and im the bitch that’s filling it all out at once to waste time

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? oh yeah definitely, but it’s usually the other way around where everyone else is real and i am not

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? idk like a 2.5 i guess

3. The person you would never want to meet? i mean. i don’t know ??? how can i know who i don’t want to meet until i have met them and decided they’re the worst

4. What is your favorite word? akimbo

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? i would WANT to be a weeping willow, but in all honesty i’d probably be a birch or some type of maple

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? i honestly cannot recall

7. What shirt are you wearing? a grey pajama shirt

8. What do you label yourself as? the skeleton god

9. Bright room or dark room? i mean if we’re talking the absolute brightest room vs the absolute darkest, i suppose i would pick brightest.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? for once i was actually asleep

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? god probably like 8 years old was good

12. Who told you they loved you last? my dad

13. Your worst enemy? it me

14. What is your current desktop picture? it’s a landscape in the style of like miyazaki movie backgrounds

15. Do you like someone? romantically ? no

16. The last song you listened to? poison vine - noah gundersen

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? just like physically destroy one person ???? idk man. like the consequences of this would probably be too far reaching for me to even fathom. do i get caught ?? does it spark paranoia worldwide ? a string of copy-cat murders ? could i live with myself knowing i killed a human being ?

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nazis

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? idk like. the idea of a slave that has to do stuff for me for a day is kind of wild. if i can like, make a billionaire my slave and then force them to redistribute their wealth then i’d do that

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) my bones !! i can’t show them to you though, not yet

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? i guess the opposite of nonbinary is SUPER binary so i’d be like half man half woman and i’d look exactly like a halloween costume

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no, all of my talents are pretty out in the open

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? one unique thing ??? i don’t think anyone really has unique fears. if you dig deep enough they all sort of boil down to the same few things in the end. i guess the most strange fear i have is that spiders will be in my slippers, and so i do not own or wear slippers.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. oh shit ok. idk all the ingredients but one time i ate a vegetarian bahn mi in chicago and it was like the most heavenly sandwich i’ve ever had. i want that again. endlessly.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? honestly at this very moment in time i would buy groceries, and also maybe a pad of watercolor paper

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? oof, leave immediately ??? that limits my choices bc i don’t have a passport. i guess i’d go to like. god idk oregon ? colorado ??? the pacific northwest somewhere.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? wait what am i supposed to figure out if i don’t drink booze ??? like if my plan was to sell it, i’d have to get a liquor license, and that’s a can of worms i don’t care to open. i think i would ask the angel if instead i can get a lifetime supply of, like, that good bahn mi sandwich i was talking about a few questions up.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no nerds allowed

29. What is your favorite expletive? i’m pretty partial to fuck, but honesly yikes is what i say most often even though that’s not a swear word. petition to make yikes a swear word.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? hey so one time there was actually the threat of a fire in my house and despite all these questions no one does anything like that. i put on my shoes, grabbed my phone, sunglasses and water bottle because they were all immediately available as i was exiting the house. so as much as i’d love to grab my box of treasures and keepsakes, i absolutely would not and i know this about myself now.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? yikes. i can see the appeal of this for a lot of people, but for myself it’s just uhhh not feasible. i’d always wonder what i erased, and at some point i would uncover the truth. i wouldn’t like to live with that kind of mystery going on.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! oh thank god. i’m moving to a colder climate with universal healthcare.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? okay i would strike a deal here and let’s say i can bring back two pets instead of one person and in this case i would bring back rusty (family golden retriever), and also kohji (brother’s shepherd mix). i’d like to say i’d bring back my cat, but i have two cats now and i know my brother would really like his dog back.

34. What was your last dream about? i don’t really remember, tbh. i’ve been having a lot of weird dreams tho

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? yes i am a VERY good [something]

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yes ! it was terrifying and i’d never like to do it again thanks

37. Have you ever built a snowman? no, somehow this was never presented to me as an option any time i’ve been around snow

38. What is the color of your socks? buddy i’ve not worn socks in months. but also generally they are striped with various colors.

39. What type of music do you like? gay stuff

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? chocolate

42. What football team do you support? oh i sure don’t

43. Do you have any scars? yes, many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? considering that i am no longer in school, the answer is that i want to do whatever i feel like doing at any given moment

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i suppose i’d cure my mental illness (which i’m working on, so, this will happen)

46. Are you reliable? oh, no. no thanks. i absolutely am but i hate feeling obligated so i always choose to not put myself in situations where someone needs to rely on me for anything

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? i guess i’d ask if they’re happy

48. Do you hold grudges? i mean. i don’t forget things ........ but i am capable of forgiving people

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? nope ! i’ve seen movies, i know what horror that can cause

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? one time my sister and i were talking to our aunt, and we could not for the life of us figure out if she was trying to GIVE or SELL us some rabbit fur coats she had ......... it’s been over a decade and we still do not know which it was

51. Are you a good liar? yes

52. How long could you go without talking? several million years

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? sorry my hair is indestructible and because of the natural texture it looks great no matter what. i’m blessed and i know it.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? what kind of person doesn’t bake their own cake ????? rich people i guess

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? yes ! but not very well

56. What do you like on your toast? butter, and occasionally cinnamon sugar

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? some cool clouds

58. What would be you dream car? a honda prelude with the pop-up lights

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i do sing in the shower sometimes, but not loudly

60. Do you believe in aliens? absolutely

61. Do you often read your horoscope? almost every day, but i do my full birth-chart horoscope so that it’s accurate, and not like horoscopes from the newspaper

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? n

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? i mean are they not the same thing. tell me a dinosaur and a dragon are not basically the same things.

64. What do you think about babies? yeah they’re alright. i never want to be in charge of one but i’m alright with them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. i guess the most interesting thing i can think to ask myself is which tarot decks i have, and i will tell you. i have the prisma visions tarot (which is amazing), and also the shadowscapes deck (beautiful!), and also a deck of runes that i made myself with a sharpie on a pack of pepsi branded playing cards

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

2AM - part 12 (A Minseok Series)

Genre: Romance

Characters: Minseok X You

A/N: the next chapter will be the final, again XD for real this time.

2AM - [M] part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13 FINAL

The slamming sound of the door echoed around the room after Jongdae left. Minseok’s back was tense and his hands were balled into tight fists at his hips and you could see the slow rise and fall of his shoulders as he inhaled a deep breath.

“Shit,” you heard a soft curse echo between his face and the closed bedroom door and you fisted the shirt you wore that fell just at your upper thighs. The shirt that belonged to Minseok but no longer smelled anything like him, unless you counted the heady fragrance of the recent love that lingered in the air around his bed.

Your feet wanted to move. The pull to him was strong, to comfort him, to hold him and tell him that this little fight was nothing to worry about. An honest talk with his best friend and maybe a little steam would be let off and this would blow over.                       

You’d made it halfway to where he stood, his feet stuck deep in the flood waters of the dark mood that had come with Hurricane Jongdae, when a soft knock sounded out on the door in front him.

He sprung to life, hand on the knob he quickly turned and pulled the door open.

A swell of hope tugged at your throat. Something similar to you caught a glimpse of in Minseok’s side profile. Perhaps Jongdae had reconsidered. Perhaps he was back to apologize for his rash behavior.

“Uhh…” on the other side of the door, standing in the hallway was a sleepy, shirtless (and very toned, damn these idols) Yixing, rubbing at his eyes and extending a pointed finger down to the floor behind him, where you were certain his bedroom door was located. You moved from your hidden spot near the bed, curiosity getting the best of you despite your very definite lack of pants below this borrowed t-shirt so you could see what Yixing was pointing at.

It was a lump of a man, parked in front of Yixing’s door, where he had only made it a few steps before he had fallen over in a ball, still holding the overnight bag he had packed in a whirlwind of emotion only moments before.

It was Jongdae, and he was crying.

“I think he’s still drunk?” Yixing asked with an upward inflection in his voice, as he turned back to look at the man who he had to step over while exiting his room.

Minseok took a few quick steps out of his room and hunched down on his ankles in front of his friend and you rushed to the door to see if there was possibly anything at all you could do to help. If you had been wearing pants, you would at least get a bottle of water from the kitchen and some aspirin for the headache Jongdae would surely have soon.

“Why are you still so mad at me, Hyung?” Jongdae was sobbing in nearly unintelligible words through the dramatics and his eyes were squeezed shut tightly. No tears fell, despite the sorrow you could hear in his voice. He was clearly aware of Minseok’s presence beside him and was speaking to him now. “All I did was fall in love. I’ve told you again and again how sorry I am. I didn’t intend to love her. I didn’t do this on purpose. When will you forgive me? It’s been a month already, I just want my best fucking friend back.”

“Why do you deny love Minseok? Why are you so against love? Why are you so scared of love?”

“Jongdae, let’s not do this here,” Minseok’s hands were on the man and he gave a futile tug on his forearms. The weeping man on the floor gave a delayed resistant reaction as he dramatically pulled his arms back from where Minseok tugged.

“Why does it always have to be a secret?” Jongdae shouted and your eyes drifted to Yixing who stood, much more awake looking now with his palm running over the back of his neck. The man caught your eyes and turned to quietly bow his head in your direction with a small smile. Your own mouth pulled into a matching grin and you pulled at the shirt you wore, making sure it covered as much of your bare legs as it could.

“Oh, hey, I like your shirt. Minseok has one just like it.” Yixing said as he took in the colorful design that contrasted off the black background of the t-shirt.

“It…uhh…is his shirt,” you said quietly, feeling just a little embarrassed at having to explain such a thing to this man.

The wheels turned in Yixing’s head and his smile fell just enough for his features change as realization hit him when an outburst from the hallway drew his attention back to the commotion between the best friends on the floor.

“I don’t care who knows it! I’m in love!” Jongdae had amazing lungs and his volume had reached new levels now. Loud and slurred. Dramatic and drunk, it was clearer now the more he spoke, just how drunk he still was. You heard a door knob and saw movement further down the hallway. Black hair peeked around the door and you recognized Sehun, the man armed with the marker last night.

“Jongdae,” Minseok pleaded as he tried to pull at the man’s arms harder now.

“I’m in love and Minseok is in love! We are in love!”

You saw another face at the open door way down the hall, a head below where Sehun watched with eyes wide in shock upon hearing Jongdae’s declarations of love, was Junmyeon.

“Wait,” Yixing was speaking now, furrowed brows and confusion in his eyes as he tried to make sense of the words Jongdae spoke. He lifted a hand and pointed his index finger toward the pair of men on the floor, wagging it quickly from one to the other. His mouth fell into an O shape. “So you two are—“

“In love!” Jongdae shouted, droplets of saliva, visible from where you stood at the doorway flew, landing somewhere on Minseok still tried to get Jongdae on his feet.

“Yeah! One love!” Sehun shouted from the other doorway and smiled wide with his fist held into the air at his chest. You covered your mouth to quiet the small laugh that erupted from your chest. At least the youngest of the group was accepting.

“He doesn’t mean it like that,” Minseok mumbled with his fingertips resting against his forehead now. “He means he is in love with someone and I am … also– but with someone else…”

“I am in love with my best friend’s sister.” Jongdae sat up straighter, his hands moving dramatically as he explained to the now, small crowd of onlookers, an unfamiliar face, a girl was peeking out with long black hair and smudged eye makeup, from Yixing’s open doorway, where Jongdae explained what he meant to say. “And my best friend is in love with his sister’s best friend.” He slapped both hands against Minseok’s chest and gave a shove, sending him off the careful balance he held on his feet, Minseok landed with a soft thud on his butt.

The faces of the men who watched the exchange went blank, a few eyebrows furrowing and Yixing in particular took on an expression of extreme confusion as he lifted a hand and ticked off some unknown list inside of his head on his fingertips. Shaking his head once before he attempted the riddle again.

“Wait so are you gay or not gay?” Sehun asked, his face still scrunched up in confusion.

“Not gay,” Minseok said quietly and Jongdae groaned something unintelligent from his spot on the floor, “he is dating my sister.”

“Ugh, boring,” Sehun said and spun to return back to the quiet of his room, leaving a blindsided Junmyeon standing alone at the doorway.

“I don’t get it. Who is the best friend?” Yixing whispered into your ear as if you weren’t directly involved in this huge mess.

“Jongdae and Minseok are the best friends. Jongdae is in love with Minseok’s sister and Minseok is in love with his sister’s best friend who is…” The girl at Yixing’s door, with the long black hair, who you knew from your memory of last night was the owner of the bunny tail you’d seen carelessly dropped amongst the feathers of Yixing’s black angel wings, was explaining in clipped concise words the mystery of the drama unfolding before their eyes. Only her explanation trailed off as she furrowed her brows and came up short with the name of the person who fit the final piece of the puzzle.

Of course it was you. But you weren’t about to announce to this entire condo full of kinda sorta strangers that it was you.

It didn’t matter, because you felt the eyes of the sober people in the hallway fall onto you. You, the girl who came out of Minseok’s bedroom dressed in nothing but his shirt. The girl who they had all seen together with him the entire evening, even sharing a passionate kiss with during the punishment round of a party game.

Yixing watched your face curiously. His eyes no longer held that adorable confusion you had seen all morning long, but something else. Something softer perhaps. The girl with the black hair leaned against the doorway and watched you openly. Not a trace of bashfulness in her features and your eyes trailed over the length of her body. She wore a plain white t-shirt and what you were certain were men’s boxers and you pulled your gaze back up into her face only to find a shift in her expression. She smiled and gave you a tiny nod of her head.

There were no secrets here. There was no judgement. There was only sincerity and understanding.

“Come on my hunny-bunny,” Yixing spoke up, his attention back on the woman at the door and her smile transferred easily to the man who moved away from you in the hallway, and began to make his way carefully over the slumped shoulders of a now snoring Jongdae and back into his bedroom. “Didn’t you say your mom wanted to skype later? We shouldn’t miss calls with your mom.”

His hands were on her shoulders as he pushed her back into the room, a strange comfort and familiarity was obvious in his actions and the woman giggled and responded to him softly in Chinese. His response was a giggle as their conversation continued privately in a language you did not understand.

“Wait, are you two–” you couldn’t help yourself. You had been under the impression that the two had merely met the evening before…casual idol hookups and all.

“Dating?” Yixing supplied the word you had chickened out of saying. “Two years now.” He nodded with a grin.

“Two years and two months,” the woman corrected and his smile widened as he squinted his eyes and focused his attention squarely on her face..

“Eyy, come on, you know those first two months don’t count. You rejected me so many times”

“I was just playing hard to get.” Their bickering brought a smile to your face.

Someone else in possibly an even more difficult situation than Minseok, with Yixing’s frequent work in China, with the fame, with the busy schedule; he had made it work.

It wasn’t impossible for them.

Why had it always been so impossible for you and Minseok?

“You should have just confessed–Just confess and make her yours. W-What are you so scared of? You–You just–” Your attention was drawn down to Jongdae who seemed to have reanimated when Minseok and Junmyeon had wrapped strong arms around his waist to haul him up off the floor. “–just fucking do it man, don’t you have any fucking guts?”

“Jongdae,” Junmyeon said softly on one side of the drunk man with the wide smile on his face and eyes closed as he talked.

On the other side of him, Minseok’s face was stoic and his eyes were cast down on the ground.

“Look, he just goes quiet,” Jongdae was laughing now and you could see the tension in Minseok’s jaw as the muscle flexed. “Chicken,” Jongdae threw salt on the wound and you took a step forward with pleading eyes on Junmyeon.

“Do you think maybe you can take care of him from here?” Your own hands were empty, yet you grasped in Minseok’s direction. You longed to shield him from it. You wanted to protect Minseok from those harsh words. Something in Minseok’s face must have startled you. Jongdae’s words had gone too far. Had touched too closely to the truth for you to stomach and seeing the blank, yet troubling expression on Minseok’s face filled you with worry for him. Perhaps a warm shower and a run could help the mood that had clouded his beautiful face. Perhaps after Jongdae had sobered up and they had a good honest talk—

“No, he’s right.” Minseok held the grip around Jongdae’s waist tighter and his voice spoke up loud and bold; uncharacteristic of Minseok to say the very least. “He’s drunk and he’s an asshole, but he’s completely right.”

You dropped your hands, pulling down against the bottom hem of the t-shirt that left your thighs too exposed and your nervous eyes flashed around the hallway.

Someone from the kitchen was watching with wide brown eyes and a cup of coffee paused midway to his lips. Beside him another set of even wider eyes leaned back on a bar stool. Chanyeol. Kyungsoo. Sehun from the doorway of that bedroom that he had disappeared inside earlier, met your eyes as you looked around and from behind Kyungsoo popped up a face briefly. Jongin’s eyes met yours for a split second, then disappeared with a tiny brush of fingertips along the shoulders of both men in the kitchen who, with the gentle reminder quickly averted their eyes. Quickly looked away from the spectacle. The temptation to look had been too much. Even you had to admit that.

The averted eyes had little effect. With the silence that fell in the home you were certain every single one of them was still listening and would be able to pick up even the smallest of whispered words between Minseok and yourself…should he decide to speak again.

One voice. One noisy, loud, booming voice that had been the source of much of the drama in this hallway had gone suspiciously silent.

Jongdae was quiet. His smile gone, his lips closed and his focus to his left where Minseok, his best friend stood motionless, wheels turning furiously in his head and a growing pinkness on his face.

“I’m sorry Jongdae,” Minseok said as he looked squarely into the man’s face, “I’m sorry. I’ve been unfair to you and acting like a hypocrite. You don’t deserve that.” Jongdae stared into his best friend’s face for a long while, silent and deep in thought before he nodded his head twice and gave Minseok a small smile that seemed to start in his eyes.

“And I was actually going to do it.” Minseok spoke up again. A bit quieter than the outburst before and his face lifted, eyelids fluttering and that pink in his cheeks that almost made him look innocent. Those flitting eyes flashed to the man beside him, who stood up straighter on his own. Jongdae remained quiet.

Suspiciously quiet. You felt something strange in the air and you couldn’t quite get the look of confusion off your face and that feeling out of your mind. That feeling that somehow this was no longer real. This felt like a dream.

There was something brewing inside you. A foolish hopeful fantasy that you wanted to reject before it could set in like a poison under your skin.

“Before you came in– I was about to do it,” Minseok whispered to Jongdae beside him. Just loudly enough for you to hear and you shook your own head to clear the dream-like buzzing you heard inside your ears.

Do what? The hope surged up bright within your chest.

“Do it then,” Jongdae said quietly and you heard a distinct lucidity in that voice that prodded at the man with the pink cheeks and fluttering eyes.

Minseok sighed and closed his eyes. The next breath he took was deep and steadying.

“Do you want to date me?” His eyes were closed and he spoke quietly right beside Jongdae and at least five feet away from where you stood, not looking at you at all as he whispered his question to no one in particular, it seemed, based on his secluded and closed off body language.

There was a frustrated groan from Jongdae.

“For the love of God,” he grumbled and shoved roughly at the man standing next to him, sending Minseok stumbling forward three big steps, effectively closing the distance between the two of you.

The closeness brought along his face and those pink cheeks and those eyes that zeroed in on yours and why did he look so nervous? Why was your own heart doing weird somersaults against your rib cage? Why couldn’t you bring yourself to look away from those eyes that were changing and brimming with raw honesty as he looked at your face and you felt the tips of his fingers as he reached, running lightly along the edge of your hand that hung lifeless at your side.

“Do you?” He said and he inhaled a breath again, licking his lips once before dipping his head and closing whatever imaginary distance might have been left between your eyes and his eyes.

“Do you want to try dating me?”

“It’s going to be hard. We can’t do it openly and I will be gone all the time. We will spend more time missing each other than actually together and if anyone were to ever find out about us there would be stalkers and death threats to deal with. And even if things do go smoothly and settle into something nice and something comfortable, let’s not forget that my enlistment time is coming and I’ll have to go to the army and I’ll be gone for even longer then”

Your face frowned on it’s own.

This sounded terrible.

All of it sounded just terrible.

“Way to sell it, Minnie,” you mumbled and he closed his eyes tighter and with a wrinkle of his nose.

“But, I’ll do better–” he said with another step closer to where you stood, your voices now a hush; mere centimeters between your faces where no one else could witness this. “–I’ll do better for you, I’ll be all yours, only yours… like I’ve always been— but, but this time I won’t hide it. I’ll give you the love you deserve, I promise I will.”

You wondered if they still watched. The silence persisted. Of course they would, yet as the silence around you continued, the space between Minseok’s and your noses was loud. Louder than anything you had ever heard, or maybe it just felt that way with that heavy significance in his words.

“Minnie,” you began, a small grain of doubt still on your tongue. Leftover from that bitter taste that had sat there for months. Yet his eyes watched yours with a the quiet intensity of a prayer.

“I just want to be yours,” he leaned again, reaching with both hands through the oxygen that separated your faces until you felt the tickle of his hair fall against your hairline. His forehead leaned against yours and his hands held your face.

“I just want to be yours–”

You could no longer see anything beyond Minseok.

“I want you to call me whenever you want to. I want you to touch me and kiss me and tell me when you miss me and when you want me. I just want to be yours.”

His fingers inched along your jawline, tickling down your neck to trail behind your ear, slipping into your hairline “–and you can be mine, if you want.”

He filled up your vision; too close and too blurry.

The man was already rooted so deeply inside your heart he would never be fully extracted from its deepest chambers. The bits of him that you loved the most were now a part of your own soul. No wonder you couldn’t find a place for any other person in there.

At last, he filled up your mind, making the decision for you.

“Okay,” you said, nodding your head against his. He felt the movement and although you could not see it, you could feel that the small kiss he placed over your cheekbone was toothy before it was soft and damp.

Your mind was a flutter of emotions and his hands pulled at you, making you spin in place as he steered you back into his room. The brief moment when you spun you caught sight of the barren hallway behind you.

By the workings of some gracious individual, not a single soul remained to testify of your answer to his question. Not a single witness remained to eavesdrop on the start of this relationship.

Beyond the doorway was his warmth, his lips, and his skin. His promises filled you just as eagerly as his body did, and when all that was left was the heavy gasping for precious oxygen, and a comfortable hum into your ear, his arms held you closely to his bare chest and he sang a quiet tune into the quiet of his bedroom with not another soul around to disturb the melody.

Until the shower called to him, begging to be clean, always to be clean. It was just Minseok’s way. He pulled you inside the warm water with him and gave you a pair of black athletic pants to wear. You recognized them as his usual fare.

As difficult as the separation was, you pulled yourself away from the man who couldn’t seem to keep his lips away from any bit of exposed skin he could find, and left to your own home to get ready.

You still had dinner at his mom’s tonight and you would be damned if you would show up there wearing a pair of Minseok’s sweats.

You had yet to discuss exactly what would be said about you and him, if the relationship would be mentioned at all. It felt almost unbelievable that it had even happened and as you did your makeup and hair in front of your bathroom mirror, you could hardly keep the smile off your face long enough to apply two coats of mascara.

Would he say something?

Would he, perhaps, make an announcement at dinner? A light clink of the silver fork against the side of a wine glass before he stood with his hand over his chest where his heart sang of its love for you.

“Finally.” Minhee would say as she rolled her eyes and smiled behind her napkin.

And his dad, finally home from his latest business trip, would cough, wide eyed and genuinely surprised; he would shoot you a curious smile and a wink before glancing at Mrs. Kim.

Mrs. Kim…

Would she be gracious and accept the news? Would you ever see the kind of sparkle in her eyes that you saw when she spoke of Sohee, the beautiful, well bred, daughter of a famous businessman, directed at you? Sohee who had the impeccable upbringing and style she had always envisioned for her daughter in law? Sohee, the kind of woman who you simply…weren’t.

Would she gasp in horror, her eyes wide and her mouth covered with a trembling hand?

Would she throw water in your face?

Or would she quietly handle the disappointment deep down inside. Would every look she threw in your direction be a stab at the lowly girl who weaseled her way into her family’s lives just to sink her jaws into her precious son, like a parasite whose rows of microscopic teeth were dug in too deep to smoothly extricate; the entire infected tissue would have to be cut out.

Your expensive, designer outfit was assembled, your hair was perfect and it framed the careful and tasteful makeup on your face that looked back at you, seeming just a bit bloodless despite the comfortable temperature in this apartment.

You reached for your blush brush, perhaps just another swipe would help your mood some.

A knock on your door interrupted the redundancy and you forgot the brush as the familiarity of the two soft knocks against the wood jumpstarted your heart beat like a spinning top.

He hadn’t mentioned picking you up for dinner. Although he hadn’t really done much with his lips other than the soft parting kisses as you left him behind in his bedroom and vacated that apartment before anyone else could make eye contact with you during your escape.

Minseok stood at your doorway looking fancy with his eyes down at his hands clasped together in front of his belt. As you pulled the door open his focus rose at a languid pace, beginning somewhere near the ground the sweeping a path up to your face.

His hair was styled. He had shaved the light stubble you had felt against your face after the shared shower and he smelled different. Something new to your nose. Something manly and heady with a familiar crisp cleanliness as a foundation. Gone was the casual sleeveless tee, black sweats, and black cap.

“You dressed up.” Your light tone pulled the smile to his lips and he ticked his head once, rolling it to the side to match the crooked grin that manifested on his face.

“So did you.” He matched your lightness and you tried your best not to get lost in the intensity you saw within his brown irises, or the appreciative way with which those eyes feasted on you.

Your feet lingered at the doorway for a second, the straight posture of his back told you that he was indeed only here to pick you up and you nodded once before turning to grab your bag and your phone, with just a hint of a nervous fluttering deep within your belly.

This wasn’t your first time being inside his car. This wasn’t even the first time he held your hand as he drove that car, but that didn’t stop the rush of excitement when he reached for your hand and linked his fingers in between yours, pulling it up to kiss the back of your hand before settling them, still joined in the space between the seats.

Your lips were tight as you fought against the smile. He bit down lightly on his bottom lip and held it within his closed mouth as his cheekbones rose and bunched slightly.

Your heartbeat was a mess. This man and his little gestures had so much power. Even the adorable expression he held on his face as he tried not to smile, tried not to give in to the elation you could see on that face, was making your thinking fuzzy.

Did he know the profound effect he had on you?

Did you have a similar effect on him too?

Your curiosity burned and you gave in to the urge. When you moved his hand, you felt no resistance. Your lips sank easily against the softness of the back of his hand and you let your lips linger with the kiss, going so far as to close your eyes as you drifted into it. His hand was warm. His skin was smooth and you felt his fingers flex and tighten around your hand as you did it. You loved this man. You longed for his skin against yours and a quick turn of your face to touch his flesh to your cheek matched your temperatures.

There was a change in the rhythm of the car that pulled your attention from his hand.

Minseok’s jaw was tight, a pinkness on his cheeks that made him look young and fresh and he was pulling the car off the busy street he had been driving on into an empty parking lot of a closed store.

What was he doing here? This was only halfway there, he still had another ten minutes of driving time for sure.

“What are you doing?” Your surprise made you drop his hand and the pinkness you saw in his cheeks was quickly covered by both of his hands as he closed out the world.

“Sorry, I–”

He stopped talking, the short mumble you heard below his hands was cut off by a quiet stifled laughter. Held in for too long and pushed down, his shoulders shook with the effort of containing it. When he dropped a single hand from his face, his face was pink. His eyes were screwed shut tightly and the smile on his face was as controlled as he could manage. He looked exactly like an over inflated balloon about to explode.

He undid his seatbelt while simultaneously putting the car in park and he was turning in his seat.

“I just need a moment,” he said with his back to you and you tried to swallow the shallow laugh that burst free from your lips.

The car rocked with his exit and the door closed loudly, leaving you alone in silence as you watched his torso from the driver’s side window.

You caught the spin. Light on his feet, he pivoted on the spot he stood before he dropped and vanished. Crouched down on his heels out of your line of sight. It only lasted for a second before the door was opening and he cleared his throat noisily as he climbed back into the driver’s seat of his car and buckled the safety belt. All the while avoiding your curious yet satisfied eyes.

“You okay?” He huffed out a quiet laugh.

“Yeah,” he said with tight lips, “I was just overwhelmed. I’m okay now. Totally fine. You can do things like that. That’s—“

He inhaled and exhaled through O shaped lips.

“Why did I wait so long for this again?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” you said and you giggled when his brows furrowed and he narrowed his eyes briefly.

“Because I’m an idiot.” He nodded in agreement with a shake of his head and a laugh.

You didn’t even bother fighting your smile. Not after that. Minseok was just as, if not more, affected by you, as you were of him. You’d never been so joyous to witness someone’s brief moment of weakness before.

He drove on in silence and he didn’t reach for your hand again. Your own hands wrung together in your lap as your mind wandered over the many temptations of affecting Kim Minseok.

Maybe you could do it again some time. You decided that this dinner would be pretty fun after all.

Until you recognized the cobblestone pathway he turned down that lead to his home and the excitement in your belly shifted and changed, making way for the nervous tension you had felt while you were getting ready.

The problem with the unknown. You had no idea how his family, namely his mother, might receive the news, and the more your stomach fluttered with nerves the more uneasy the whole situation felt.

You and him hadn’t even been official for very long. Not even a full 24 hours and while yes you both had quite a history together, the fact was that this was all rather new to you. Did you really want to add an audience into the mix on your first day as a couple.

“Umm, about your family—“ you pushed the words out of your lips as he slipped his fancy car into the open garage bay that his mother always made sure to keep clear for his visits, “—about us,” you added lamely, realizing that you weren’t actually using proper sentences that made sense.

He turned to look at you and shifted the car into park, leaving the garage door open as the car idled in its place, he merely watched you with a blank face as you backtracked to find the missing word.

“Knowing a-about us, I mean.” He was watching you too closely and the expression on his blank face wasn’t giving anything away. Why was he so good at putting up a poker face?

“Do you not want me to tell them yet?” He finally said softly with what you were almost positive was a gloomy blue tint to his tone.

Whatever it was, it was well hidden. What you thought you might have seen was gone in a flash with the small shrug of his shoulders and the carefully quick way he averted his eyes from yours. The soft smile you saw in his lips erased any bit of what you may or may not have actually seen take place in his expression and you couldn’t help but smile too.

“We can tell them whenever you are ready.”

He cut off the engine, closed the garage door and exited the car, making some sort of magic happen as he appeared by your side in record time, grabbing ahold of the passenger door from you to pull it open and reach for your hand.

You knew the way through the spacious garage of the home well enough, having been with Minhee in here more times than you could recall, yet with Minseok at your side, with his warm hand holding yours, everything felt brand new.

When you reached for the door that opened up into a hallway near the kitchen, a soft tug pulled you back, seconds before you could turn the knob. You spun with a surprised grunt and saw his face, his smile, and his hands closing in quickly.

Minseok’s lips covered your parted surprised ones and he kissed you deeply and slowly. The kind of kiss that made your spine tingle and your toes curl and you felt the frame of the door that you couldn’t quite make it to in time pressed up against your back.

Over the front of your body was his warmth, firm and tense muscles laid over your softer parts that his hands enjoyed exploring as he kissed you like this. As his mouth took from yours; your tongue, your lips, your oxygen, his hands kneaded and explored until you felt hot fingertips slide around the small of your back, down your ass to the hem of the short skirt you wore.

When his fingers met skin you felt the rumble of the groan from his chest and he broke and kiss with a rough lift of those hands upward, digging hard into your flesh the man was quickly becoming too affected and unlike you, he wasn’t nearly as able to hide such an event.

“Tell me something, did you wear this fucking skirt tonight just to torture me or do you enjoy seeing me like this?” He stumbled back, as if kicked back by some invisible recoil.

“Well I don’t not enjoy it,” you grinned as you answered honestly, if not a bit confusingly, through the labored breaths you took against his face. He honestly smelled incredible. You very much liked this new cologne of his.

His eyebrow ticked upward and the corners of his lips crept up. His eyes, dark enough to cover your head entirely should you choose to let yourself succumb to their depths, watched you closely for what felt like ages to your rattled mind.

His lips, already too pink and puffed from the heated kiss, lured you, calling to you to taste them again, despite the very real danger of doing this in his family’s home and you felt the pull of his eyes.

With him so close to you, so tempting, smelling the way he did and feeling the way he did, with his recent words dancing in your head—

I just want to be yours. His memory pleaded and your hands reached for him, claiming him for yourself. You gripped his shirt, probably wrinkling the fabric with as tightly as you clung to him and he stumbled into you, pulled roughly by your needy hands.

“I love you, Minnie,” you said against his lips moments before pulling him into you again. The kiss was needy. More so than before, you felt shameless in your need for him. If the old you could see this; Unapologetically making out with The Kim Minseok in the garage of his family’s home, where anyone could simply walk in to catch you.

You should not have been surprised to hear the scrape behind the door at your back and the shuffling of slippered feet along the floor. You really should have known it would happen, but that didn’t stop the dramatic gasp you took, and the rough way you shoved him away from you when you heard the door knob click as it was turned.

You pivoted, just in time to block the view of a stumbling Minseok from the opening door. Surely he understood what was happening enough to recover; perhaps wipe his mouth and assume some other position that wasn’t something that might be illustrated under the definition of heavy petting in a middle school sex-ed book.

Your smile was instant and as wide as your eyes must have been and the startled yelp from Mrs. Kim as she stepped backward and clutched at her chest brought a noisy awkward laugh from your lips.

“Oh! Good lord you startled me,” she said and took a moment to recover. When her eyes were closed you glanced behind you and caught the sight of Minseok shoving the sides of his dress shirt back into his slacks and pulling at his pockets and belt buckle in an attempt to conceal the obvious.

“Well look at what the cat dragged in. Why are you in my garage, dear? I expected to find Minseok. He didn’t drag you along with him did he?”

“Of course I brought her, Mom, you were about to issue an APB this morning when she wouldn’t answer her phone.”

He answered for you, his voice steady and his breathing even. More so than yours might have sounded. You thanked the excellent condition of his lungs for that.

Despite your best efforts to keep your expression light, you could feel the heat on your face at the close call and you had to force yourself to bring your breathing under control.

“Well what is taking you so long to come inside? I heard the garage door ages ago. What have you been doing in here?” There wasn’t a bit of accusation in her voice, yet the guilty run when no one pursues and you felt it deep inside your chest. Minseok’s face flinched and his mouth hung open in silence as he stared at his mother’s face.

“He was checking the tire.” Why was your voice so high sounding?

“The tire?”

“The tire?”  Minseok and his mother asked in unison, their expressions remarkably similar before he dropped the upward inflection in the end of his response.

“–was low.” his eyes were wide and he looked behind him at the very obviously perfectly inflated tires on his very new and very shiny car.

You snorted at the grimace you saw on his face and quickly covered it with a cough when Mrs. Kim looked back at you.

“Minseok, you aren’t very good with cars. You should call roadside assistance.” Her voice had a sympathetic and understanding tone and his ears seemed to pinken before your eyes as he straightened out his shoulders and lifted his chin.

“What? I’m great with cars. I drive a car.” You could feel your nose wrinkle as you watched him lie through his teeth at the woman who simply shook her head in response. “I even fixed the tire, look at how great it looks.”

“It wasn’t actually low, Mrs. Kim. There was just a rock stuck in the treads.” You interjected. How in the world was the woman to believe that Minseok somehow re-inflated a flat tire inside this garage without a single tool required to do such a thing. When did he get so bad at this?

Your cover story hit a nerve and with his shoulders still held up too straight, and his chin high in the air he scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

You were pretty sure you saw a genuine glare in your direction and the shrug you gave him did nothing to soften his grumpy expression.

So you stuck your tongue out in his direction playfully, laughing when his eyes widened further. Of course you’d been playful with Minseok before, but honestly it had never been quite so much fun before.

“Oh you two are just like brother and sister,” she said with a wave of her hand as she turned to exit the garage.

You felt a burn somewhere inside your chest and your mouth went dry with the metaphor. Minseok must have had a similar reaction because he was following her steps as she made her way past you to enter the hallway that lead to the kitchen.

“What? No way, we are not, nor have we ever been anything like brother and sister.” His voice was high and his tone incredulous and when he brushed passed you to reach the doorway first, you felt pointed fingertips reach out and poke your ribs, making you jump and squeal in surprise.

You reached for him quickly, instantly needing retribution. Your swift steps behind him caught you up to his side and your fingers dug hard into the space just below his armpit. The space you knew would get him the most.

Shoulder to shoulder in the narrow hallway his fingers frantically tried to grab ahold of your attacking hands and your laughter echoed out, making Mrs. Kim turn briefly to glimpse the commotion.

“You’re exactly like brother and sister. Don’t you remember when you were little? I used to have to break up these fights all the time.” She was far ahead in the kitchen now, checking on something that one of the housemaids was fixing at the stovetop and you’d made it into the opening of the breakfast nook with both hands grasped tightly within his and his arms secured around your shoulders.

It could have been considered an embrace had it not been for the murderous look in your eyes as you tried desperately to get your hands free for one more tickle. It was no use. He had you pinned almost completely and his breathing against your neck preceded the quiet whisper you heard into your ear.

“Just give up, or I’ll tell her you are my girlfriend and definitely not my sister.”

“I don’t remember that at all, Mrs. Kim.” Your fingertips went slack, the muscles in your arms limp and useless as you gave up entirely.

He didn’t let you go. You gave it a good ten seconds before you looked back into his face in question. He had sensed your lack of fighting enough to relax his grip some, but to the casual outside observer, the fight must have been still on. What other reason would he have for this full body embrace in his mother’s kitchen while she fussed with a flower arrangement.

“You two even used to take baths together,” she said into her hydrangea bush and the grip he held around your shoulders changed when his hands roamed lower, sliding around your waist now you felt your hands freed and you futilely tried to smooth out the wrinkles in your top caused by the scuffle.

“We still do,” he said lowly at your back in a clear voice, just loud enough for you to hear over the sounds of the pot being stirred on the stove.

He shouldn’t have said such a thing right after freeing your arms. You quickly jabbed your elbow backward, aiming for his ribs, or his stomach, or anything that would shut him up, but it was too late. Mrs. Kim’s eyes were open and on the pair of you. He jumped backward at the contact of your elbow to his rib cage.

She wasn’t speaking but she watched you. Minseok still laughed playfully from the teasing until he saw her eyes on you where you stood like a deer caught in the headlines under her eyes.

Had she heard him? Were the wheels turning in her head, connecting pieces of the puzzle now?

“Did you hear the doorbell?” She finally spoke up and her gaze which had been on you sharpened and focused very suddenly. She was wiping her hands on the terry cloth that laid on the counter top and grabbing the vase of flowers to take with her toward the entryway.

Your curiosity burned and moved your legs to follow. Gripping the vase with both hands she peered at the screen on the wall of the foyer and her face lit up in excitement and recognition.

“Oh! He’s early. I just love a punctual man, as I am sure you do as well.”

She set the flowers down on the table at the entryway.

“Who?” You weren’t following her logic and while you weren’t involved in the planning of this dinner, there usually weren’t any guests other than yourself invited to these things.

“Your boyfriend,” she said with a light wave of her hand as she reached for the handle of the door.

“My what? I don’t have–”

Minseok lingered behind you near the doorway, leaning against the wall with his hands inside his pockets and a tense look on his face.

“No, Mrs. Kim, you didn’t invite–” a flood of recent images flashed through your mind of him. Close up images of his face. His charming smile. The tall posture he held as he looked down at you with a look of sweet adoration and the feeling of his soft lips pressed up against yours in that quiet bar.

“Kim Kwangseok, It’s so lovely to see you again, darling.” The door was open and she was already grabbing his hand to shake it enthusiastically.

The room was spinning with the images and one particular memory flashed up hot like the splash of hot oil against your skin.

The last time you saw him, in your kitchen with your long lost friend Minseok only recently returned, the jealousy you saw in both men’s faces and the way he leaned in to you, for Minseok to see that slow and deliberate kiss against your cheek.

You remembered now. You had promised to call him.

It was three days ago, yet it felt like it had been years with all that had transpired between you and Minseok. With all that had changed.

You had promised him, and you had definitely broken that promise.

Clutched behind his back you heard the crackle of plastic and kraft paper and he swung his arm around, presenting Mrs. Kim with a bouquet of flowers.

Her face was alight with delight and you felt like the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Somewhere behind you, amidst the chaos in your mind, Minseok was watching this man enter his home like a shark waiting for the moment to attack. Somewhere behind you, you had left what was left of your sanity, because here, where you stood was nothing but chaos

“Kwangseok,” you said in too soft of a voice. The tremble was unavoidable, you could hardly keep yourself from running out of the room and the effort involved with keeping your feet steady on this marble floor was bound to have some aftershocks.

“There she is,” he said from the doorway and he was coming inside. Moving in closer to where you stood like a hostage held at gunpoint, “Hey, beautiful.”

The hug was one sided. You couldn’t get your arms to work, not with Minseok watching. Not with the love of your life, the man you had promised yourself to, having to be here for this nonsense.

“Oh, hey Minseok, it’s nice to see you again, man.” Kwangseok was casual and the mention of his name made your eyes seek him out instantly.

His face was blank, well rehearsed and well controlled.

You wanted to touch him. You wanted to put the life back into his eyes. You wanted him to smile and to light up the way he had when he was touching you moments earlier and you felt the crushing weight of the reality you had now put yourself in.

The sheer gravity of this situation was pressing down from above.

The truth was so heavy. How in the world had you simply forgotten about Kwangseok? How had you never once considered the fact that your on again off again, kinda sorta something – guy – who sent you flowers often, called you and texted you and invited you out for drinks and dinner and kissed you goodnight with the best of intentions and genuine affinity for your company, that he – HE – would have absolutely no idea about your very sudden, very new, very loved and crafted and cared for relationship with Minseok. He would have no way of knowing that this was the new reality and that unfortunately he would be cast aside.

You hadn’t had a chance to talk to him.

This was all happening too fast, too sudden, too desperate and now Minseok had gone blank, even as Kwangseok stood six inches taller than him, holding a hand out for him to shake you could feel the absence of the real Kim Minseok in the room.

“I’m sorry I forgot something in my car,” Minseok said softly, refusing to look down at the extended hand in front of him, he turned on his heels and was gone.

Kwangseok closed his hand with a small pout on his lips. “I guess I’ll greet him later.” He shrugged with a grin in your direction that you didn’t return.

2AM - [M] part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13 FINAL

[mother-of-marigolds]

Get to Know Your Fellow Witches                                            

Questions by @horned-deity tagged by (would rather not be known)

1. Are you a religious witch?

I have a vague belief in God and Jesus, but have a theory that all deities are real. However, i’d like to keep magic and serious religion separate.

2. What is your preferred herb?

Lavender and basil! Im very limited in space and resources right now, and they’re the easiest for me to get, along with rosemary.

3. What is your preferred gem?

Rose Quartz! It was close to my deadname, which was a strong connection people made between us. Even though I no longer go by the name, the connection is still there, and I feel we have a similar energy. 

4. Do you do divination? What kind?

I do tarot, although i’m not very good and out of practice. My deck and I work well together when it comes to my personal matters because we’re both very blunt lmao.

5. Favorite tarot card?

Strength or Death. In my tarot deck, the angel tarot, Strength is a beautiful winged, dark-skinned woman gently holding a lion’s mouth shut. I know its supposed to be that shes restraining it, but to me it comes across as her comforting the lion. Death is sitting in a field of pale green grass and bright red flowers. I cant see their appearance well since they are cloaked, but they are smiling and sitting with wings spread in an almost inviting gesture. It makes me feel calm, like i’m sitting there too.

6. To curse or not to curse?

Only as a last resort. I prefer to keep my magic to myself, and not tamper with others lives and emotions negatively- or at all if it can be avoided.

7. Do you have a familiar?

I do, a small black tabby cat named Rabbit. She’s more of a guardian then a magic partner, but im sure she wouldn’t mind aiding me if I needed help. Shes always watching me to make sure  I don't hurt myself- magically or otherwise anyway. ^^;

8. Favorite candle color?

No preference so far, but maybe black.

9. Favorite rune?

I don’t know enough about runes yet, but Othala calls out to me for some reason.

10. Do you celebrate full moons, the solstices, etc?

I try to! I haven’t been a witch for the whole wheel yet, but im trying to stay on board with everything. I don't celebrate full moons per se, but I like to go outside and drum. I have a small djimbe that I got as a gift, and it really helps me feel connected to my culture since im surrounded by people who are very diffirent than me.

11. Do you wear a pentacle?

I’m easily spooked and overall very jumpy, so i’m going to start wearing one for the protection so I can calm down a bit. ^^;

12. Have a broom?

Nope, but I like to sweep when I get the opportunity.

13. Have a pendulum?

Nope!

14. Have an athame?

Not at all, but since i’m working more complex spellwork, i’m thinking of getting one. ^^

15. How often do you meditate?

Not often, but when cleansing a room ill attempt it for about five minutes.

16. Do yoga?

No, but I do exercise in the morning.

17. Favorite tea?

Anything sweet.

18. Do you support manipulation magic?

Not really,,,, If its something small like a glamour for your words to be taken more seriously or something that's fine, but I am absolutely against love spells. Only with the consent of everyone involved should they be cast.

19. How many altars?

None! Like I said previously, I like to keep religion and craft separate. I might consider making one for Rabbit (my guardian familiar) when she dies though as a way to honor her.

20. Do you do magic outside often?

Not really. Only when i’m using the sun or moon to cleanse- or collecting rain water. Being outside makes me uncomfortable so I prefer to stay in my room. ^^

21. Read palms or tea leaves?

I might consider palmistry, but its not on my bucket list.

22. Open own metaphysical shop?

Dude that would be great! I’d really like to have a store/bakery full of stuff me and my girlfriend have made, that would be so cool.

23. Is your third eye open?

A bit. We’re getting there.

24. Do you like astrology? Whats your sign?

Scorpio! But the stereotypes only show if I have zero idea who you are or if I don't like you. Otherwise my moon sign, Pisces, shows a lot more. I do like astrology since it helps me work out my relationships and understand others better.

25. Favorite flower or tree?

Blue Roses are my favorite flower, and my favorite tree... hm. Im not sure yet actually. Maybe a Weeping Willow or a Japanese Maple.

26. Do you have an animal guide?

My familiar Rabbit comes across as more of a guide.

27. Favorite type of magic?

Water and fire based. My element is defiantly water, but I feel like I have a healthy respect for fire. I like charming things like a bracelet to protect or a blanket to aid with sleep. I also really enjoy jar spells. ^^

28. Out of the broom closet?

In the process, i’m out to friends and most acquaintances, but in to most adults, including those I live with. ^^;. I feel like they’d punish me as badly as id be punished for being in the more popular closet since theyre very religious.

30. Hereditary or self-discovered?

Self-discovered. Ive always had an affinity for animals, lost objects, nature, empty jars, you name it. I only a few months ago realized that I could peruse it- which was right in the nick of time too, since i’m getting older and loosing my childhood wonder and curiosity to school ^^;

31. Coven or solitary?

Solitary for now, im a little nervous about forming a coven. I like being on my own right now, but maybe in the future. ^^

32. Want to be in a coven? How big?

Maybe in the future I might consider being in a coven of maybe 5-6 other witches. It sounds like fun to be around like-minded people, but right now I’d like to work alone.

33. When did you become a witch?

Around Yule of 2017. Ive grown a lot since then, and am still working and exploring to find my “thing” if I have one. Maybe my thing is not having a thing...

34. Do you make your own spells?

I feel like I don’t know enough to make my own spells yet, so for now i’m following others. I’d like to in the future though!

35. Make your own sigils?

Only one, and its the one I use to refer to myself. I’m not very good at it,,,,,

36. Why are you a witch?

Because its so fun! I’ve always had stray interests that didn't really fit in anywhere but here, so besides art and my extreme compassion, it’s all ive got.

37. Favorite element?

Water or air. I defiantly identify with water, but flight and freedom have always been dear to me.

38. Do any misc. Magic (dragon, sex, etc)?

Dunno. I’m good with plants and animals so I try to hang around there. 

39. Magic/anything you wont do?

“Love” magic and summoning. I try to keep my magic personal and keep my communication with spirits to a 0. I’m already afraid of people and straight up paranoid of the supernatural, so except for maybe on Samhain, I keep my wards up and my protection charms on. The only spirit i’ve ever dealt with is the one who hangs around my room and randomly scrolls me ten feet down tumblr. She’s cool.

40. Strangest way a spell is backfired?

Generally, my spells either work or they don’t. There’s not really any backfiring. That idea scares me actually,,,

Tagging: @crispykrimi , who helped me get over my initial panic and start my craft, go check out her blog shes amazing ^^. Also, anyone reading this is free to repost and fill it out themselves. Have a nice day!

[justoneday-namjoonii]

It burns, doesn't it? [pt. 11]

Genre/au: Mafia!au, Mature, Fluff, Angst. Violence and all that good mafia stuff. Warning: Depictions of graphic torture and brief/mentioned sexual assault. This story contains graphic imagery, mental health problems, mature subject matter, improper drug usage, suggestive language, self-medication, crude/unnerving behavior, toxic coping, intensity, bloodshed. If you’re easily triggered, please proceed with caution or don’t proceed.

Members: Jungkook x Yoongi x Namjoon x Jin x Hoseok x Jimin x Taehyung  Feat. Got7

Summary: Why am I hurting alone? Why am I in love alone?

authors note: ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ means flashback ....nd omg it’s finally out. Im trying to try new gifs for characters highlighted chapters...

| Prologue | Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6 | Pt. 7 | Pt. 8 | Pt. 9 | Pt. 10 | Pt. 11 | P. 12 | Pt. 13 | Pt. 14 | Pt. 15 |

The moment when you realizes that things will never be the same is bittersweet. As children we rely on the things around us to remain the way they are, young minds don't quite understand the concept of change yet we're impulsive and oblivious to cause and effect. it’s human instinct to crave structure and stability, even if it's through an illusion, even if it's merely a reality we create for ourselves. The discovery of what's perceived as happiness, joy, kindness, trust, and love are vague descriptions of our innermost feelings, those emotions are essential to growth. But for some, their lives are pages from a book torn up and discarded like trash, they feel emotions in a brutal way. Pain, jealousy, anger, sadness, envy, greed—it gets shoved into them with no warning or preparation. Suffocating them until it becomes a desperate means of solitude. The loneliness can be too much to bare and turning to materialistic comfort is a common response. As sad as it may be, cigarettes can be that comfort for some. You get an exhilarating sense of relaxation when you exhale, knowing it’s bad—when you hold it in your lungs, forcing your body to take something so foreign, it's feigning self-control. Through a tiny white stick he controls his pain and pleasure, through it he found solitude; it was more bitter than sweet.

Everything happened so fast. 

He didn’t know what he was going to do from here, it doesn’t help that he hasn't had a blink of sleep. A cigarette sat in the ashtray and he left his quarters to check on his men. Some of them were patching up the wounded, they even lost a few men, so the faint sound of weeping was heard at every other corner. How a man could look upon the friends of the people he let die wasn’t a natural talent, this type of inhumanity had to be created. Those people just happened to be casualties, you win some, you lose some. 

People die under you, that’s one of the high prices you have to pay as the boss.

But the truth is, they signed up for this—if it's for the boss, you risk it all or not at all. They knew that when they joined.

Hoseok went AWOL last night, he came back early this morning but that was only to freshen up so he could go out again. He had speculations on Hoseok’s stance in all of this. Hell, he has speculations about his own stance on the situation. Jin’s response to all of this was the most surprising, he was so levelheaded and prepared as if he orchestrated the whole thing.

Jin had always been sneaky, not completely honest, always hiding some tiny detail. It's not like he grew up surrounded by people he trusted, but Jin, he didn’t trust anyone. In order to survive, he had to keep his guard up. Jin managed to come in and set his own rules into play.

And Jin was always on his own time. Like now for instance, not even five minutes ago he was called into Yoongi’s office and he has yet to come. The boys sent to bring Jin comes back empty handed.

“Boss, I’m sorry, he said he'll be here soon.” He swallowed, Yoongi’s stare is far too threatening to keep contact with.

He has the audacity to make me wait, unbelievable. This whole organization is on Yoongi’s back. Yet here he is, waiting on Jin like a little kid. When the dust settles, Yoongi has to have an answer to everything, he has to know everything—he doesn’t sleep soundly, not with the weight of this responsibility. He has to stay composed though, and that is an overwhelming responsibility at times, more than the boys would know.

“I want him in here, now,” He was stern, eyeing the kid at the door.

“O-okay sir.” 

Like a puppy off to fetch a tennis ball, he ran off.

Yoongi grabbed the pack of cigarettes, his pale fingers pulling at the pack to slip out one of the white sticks. He didn't rush, he secured it between his lips and held up to the white lighter. When it caught flame, he took a deep breath and exhaled, this was his third one today.

Jin finally stepped into the room, a look of impatience on his face.

Yoongi inhaled, taking another puff of the cigarette before saying anything. 

“You had a whole fucking operation going on, and this is how I find out? How long has this been going on Seokjin? How long were you planning to leave me in the dark about this?”

“Listen,” Jin simply shrugged. “I didn't make a decision you wouldn’t have made. You should be thankful that it worked out. Namjoon is on his knees, Jaebums people are in hiding and I have my sister. You know how these things go,” He ran his hand through his auburn look, giving Yoongi a knowing look.

“No, how are they? please, enlighten me.” 

“If I wouldn't have done what I did she'd probably be dead right now! You don't understand Yoongi...He won’t stop, ever...He'll keep trying to go after me and now her, and to be honest it's partly your fault.” He sneered, not really caring if that pissed Yoongi off, it was true.

“My fault? So I'm supposed to be your fucking savior or some shit? Hell, I didn't know she existed until Hoseok and Jimin brought her ass here. But even then, that girl is not the problem, you are.” Yoongi grumbled, already fiddling with his favorite dagger to ease his stress—it wasn’t working.

“Why are you doing this? Honestly, just give me one good reason why because I just don’t get it.”

“Do you not understand the concept of doing a bad thing for a good reason?” Jin was sort of tickled, amused at his robin hood philosophy.

“Yeah, I do. But it’s you who doesn’t seem to remember your place here. I made this group, from the ground up. I've carried it on my back since I was 18. I call the shots. Not because one day I thought, ‘oh you know what, I think I'll be the leader today.’ No. Because I earned it, I earned the right to say what goes, not you.” He was pretty irritated already and one wrong move would set him off. Bug Jin was just waiting for Yoongi to be finished so he could get out of here. In his eyes, Yoongi’s just blowing hot air, this was nothing he hasn’t heard already.

“I really don't know why you felt the need to interfere, I had it under control. He wouldn't have killed her, I knew that. I knew it the whole time, Kim Namjoon is still dramatic, he'd put her through hell before you have to mourn her death.”

“I wasn't gonna wait around for that to happen, I couldn’t waste any more time. Admit it, she was second priority to you, but not me. He had my sister Yoongi, she’s not just some girl, she’s my flesh and blood and he knew that the moment he decided to keep her there.” That very sentence appalled him, his stomach twisting in disgust at the thought. 

“He’s a weed—he’s cancerous, he needs to be cut out. And you can't cut without causing a few abrasions.” Jin was serious, Yoongi knew all of those things to be partly true, but Namjoon used to be his best friend. Even now, Namjoon was almost the same, nobody really changed significantly. Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok, they were all just like he remembered. Just more...broken. They can’t stand each other now. The feeling of hatred was more than mutual, friendship was a distant memory between the two groups that once worked harmoniously. “If it was your mother, you would've done the same thing, maybe even worse.”

Yoongi gave him the dirtiest look, he knew not to bring her up, Jin was the only exception right now. 

“My mother has nothing to do with this. People were killed, on both sides. Two explosions in two highly populated territories, we didn’t go unnoticed,” Yoongi kept his anger at bay, the cigarettes were working this time. He would never say it aloud but knowing Jin could execute a plan that was so complex and to do it without his knowledge, made him feel disrespected. 

“We’re lucky the police aren’t on our backs because of the relationship we have with the chief. Most arrests regarding our men, he let's slide and I'd like to keep it that way.” 

Yoongi tapped the cigarette in the ashtray, a smirk coming to his lips, Jin wasn't sure what he was thinking. “Seo will want more answers. He will start calling eventually, but I'm gonna tell him to take it up with you. You’re responsible for this mess anyway.”

“You’ve never been the type to back down Yoongi, don’t tell me you’re...scared?” Jin laughed, he literally thought that the mere thought was funny. To see Yoongi, the man with a never-changing expression, afraid of something? That was impossible. By the dark look in Yoongi’s eyes, he realized now was no time to tease him. 

He gasped. Before he knew it Yoongi was around the table and pressing a knife against his neck, an intense look on his face. Jin swallowed with some difficulty. “Y-yoongi.”

Min Yoongi wasn't as still as ice, not all the time. There are a few things you better not say or you will regret it the moment you open your mouth.

“Let's get one thing fucking straight, I don't have a scared bone in my body, not one. I don't fear anyone, not you, not Namjoon, not even my own maniac of a father.” Yoongi scoffed retracting the knife as Jin was almost at a loss for words. 

He scoffed. “You have some nerve. I suggest you drop this high and mighty attitude before this knife goes through your fucking neck.” He sneered.

He sighed, straightening up his freshly pressed suit. The visual image of what Yoongi threatened had him touching his neck subconsciously and cringing at the thought. 

He exhaled heavily. “Yoongi, you're stressed, I understand that really I do. But just think about it, think about this group, think about the people involved...This is the game Yoongi, no one plays by the rules, you know that better than anyone.” He really did know that better than anyone—almost too well. Yoongi just stared at him, a stoic expression plastered on his face as Jin slowly exited the room.

Food had never looked so appalling before. Just an hour ago some girl brought you breakfast. She told you to eat it all because ‘Jin said so’. You let the food sit there, now it's cold and inedible. That same girl came back to get the dishes, you didn't want to see her face anymore, you were beginning to despise her persistence.

This bed isn't that much bigger than the one in my bedroom at home, so why does it feel so big? So empty and cold. Jungkook held you so close, the thought of discomfort as you slept had become an unfamiliar thing to you. He was so fragile, despite his exterior he was just as helpless as you. But even so, be tried to keep you from anyone who frightened you, in fear that you'd get hurt, and have to bear those scars for the entirety of your life. You fell in love with someone you never would’ve dreamed of associating with—now he's gone and you’re empty again.

You heard a small knock at the door. Before you could answer Jimin was walking in with a cup and some bottles of medicine. “Good morning.” 

He sat the water on the nightstand along with the pills—he was only here to drug you up, you thought. He hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed as you scooted closer to the headboard, afraid to sit too close to him now. 

“Y/n, it's still the same me, you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.” The way he looked at you was different, he looked at you as if you were something small—had he always looked at you like that? You never noticed it before. 

“Don’t you?...”

Why was he even asking you that? You aren’t sure about anyone anymore. You can’t trust your own brother, what made Jimin any different? He is just as capable of flipping the switch as anyone else.

“I barely even know you, I put my trust in you, for some reason...” You chewed at your cheek, looking out the window. “Unless you’re here to take me to Jungkook or apologize for being apart of this mess, just go,”

That’s what she’s upset about.

“Y/n, you’re supposed to take this before noon, and you have to eat with it.” He explained, noticing how tired your eyes were—you needed to eat something to keep your energy up. 

“Baby,” There’s that nickname again, “I know you're upset and I’m sorry, but don't star yourself out of spite. You listen to Jungkook, right? Jungkook would want you to eat, I know he would, wouldn’t he?” He convicted you with a guilt-tripping look and you rolled your eyes, that sort of convinced you. That, and you were admittedly hungry.

“Come on, I’ll take you to the kitchen and sit with you until you eat.” You followed him with weak steps and you knew you should've eaten earlier—now you have no other choice but to eat with supervision.

You looked around, realizing you were in a completely different environment. Long gone were the industrial looking rooms and spaces, you were at the first place this all started. Jimin had already made food for you and put it in the microwave to stay warm. He opened it up and sat it at the bar, leading you to the stool to sit beside him.

It was a decent meal. You ate it silently as Jimin sat there with a curious look on his face. You tried to ignore it, Jungkook had a habit of just staring at you so it wasn't anything new. Suddenly Jimin reached for the nape of your neck, causing you to jerk back in surprise.

“What’re you doing?- And why are you staring at me?...” You stared at him, seeing he regretted not asking before trying to touch you. “Please stop...”

“Sorry, I should've just asked. What happened to your neck? It’s bruised pretty bad...” He had his suspicions. Were those scars from Namjoon or Tae, he figured you've endured quite a few physical ailments. “Did they really hurt you that much?” He had a genuinely worried expression.

Your hand went to where he was referring to and you knew those weren't burns, choke marks and neither were they rashes. Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment, those marks were Jungkooks doing. They would have normally faded by now but the morning of the accident he got a little carried away with his affection. You really wished you had some makeup or something to cover them up. “Um, it’s not that...” 

When you neglected to give an elaborate reply he took the cues from your facial expression and connected the dots. He cleared his throat for asking the obvious question, of course, if you were in a relationship with Jungkook he would make sure everyone knew. He's always been like that.

“Oh- oh..I um, I didn't mean to...” He trailed off, seeing you were done with your food and trying to end the awkward conversation. “Wait, I have to take you downstairs, Yoongi wants to talk with you.” Jimin grabbed your hand, leading you away from the kitchen. You were shaking your head, insisting that you didn't want to go but he kept soothing you, telling you it was okay.

“What?- Jimin, no, I don't want to, please, I just want to go back to my r-” Jimin shook his head, guilt in his eyes for having to leave you—again.

“Just sit here, it's okay. He'll be here in a minute.” Jimin pet your head in pity, leaving you in this unfamiliar room by yourself. At first, you just waited patiently, but your stomach dropped when you heard the door behind you open. You didn't look back, the man's footsteps were heavy, slow and you couldn't even look up without your heart racing, you were so nervous. After a few seconds, you gathered the courage to look up. Jin was standing beside the desk in front of you.

“Jin?... What're you-”

“Yoongi wants to discuss some things with you, you just have to answer his questions and then you can go, alright? This won’t be long.” He gave you reassuring eyes before your attention was stolen by the man with sugar white skin.

Yoongi. 

The man who damned you to hell. 

He walked around the desk, sitting in the chair behind the desk and his presence was so powerful it made your body shake to look at him for too long. You wouldn't know it but he was monitoring your every move, as he opened the pack of cigarettes, placing one in between his fingers but not lighting it.

“How many fingers am I holding up.” He held up three of his slender fingers.

“W-what?-”

“Answer the question. How many?”

“Um-...three.” This was unexpected and odd, why would he ask this? Even Jin was taken aback. “Why?”

He sort of glanced halfheartedly at you, his brows furrowing at your counter question that he wasn’t going to answer. 

“I need you to tell me everything that happened, start from the moment they took you inside.” That was the first sensible thing he said, not bothering to hassle himself with beating around the bush. You looked at Jin for reassurance and he nodded, giving you the okay to start talking.

“They put me in a bedroom…I fell asleep after a few hours and when I woke up, Jungkook was there. At first I thought he was there to hurt me so I tried to shoot him... that’s how we met.” You spoke softly, knowing good and well that you had never shot a gun before.

“And after that, he let you stay with him?” He furrowed his brows, seeing you were chewing on your lips nervously, anxiously. It wasn't surprising to him, he already knew Jungkook had taken a liking to you, he just didn't know to what extent. 

“He did, it wasn’t bad at first, we actually got along...But one day, we got into a fight. That night, I decided to escape, I ran away the following morning...” You cleared your throat, Jin was listening intently now.

“It was late, I’m not sure what time, but I stopped at a cafe to eat, Jimin found me, he told me that he couldn't help me until you gave the word...He left and for a few hours I just aimlessly walked around the city but-...” You pause, “That's when Namjoon found me.”

The memory itself was terrifying. It was like the devil himself drug you down to his little hell, and you had no choice in the matter.

“I know he punished you in some sick way, he gave you to Taehyung,” Yoongi knew that as a fact. If Namjoon wanted to punish you in any way he would find the sickest way to do so. Your head hung low in confirmation, tears threatened to leave your eyes and you didn't even know why—why can’t you go one minute without crying over this? Jin noticed, he was already pissed that Jimin saw you and didn't say anything, but now he has to hear about your punishment. 

“What did he do?” He asked plainly.

Your mouth opens but nothing came out, you weren't sure where to start. Yoongi lit the cigarette, taking a long drag before licking his lips.

“Does she need to tell you that? We have enough information, what's the point in knowing every little detail?” Jin insisted, running his hands through his hair.

Yoongi sighs, annoyed that he was letting his feelings get the best of him. He ignores your brother’s protests and looks at you. “What did he do, Y/N?”

“He tied me down to a table...” You confess, trying to recall the time in your life that you've worked so hard to forget. “And- and I stayed like that for hours, I don't know how long...and the water, the water wouldn't stop, it kept dripping and dripping- it was...” Tears began to well in your eyes and you didn't bother choking them back. You swallowed, inhaling deeply before exhaling shakily.

“S-someone came to the room, I can't remember his name...but Taehyung left me in there with him...” Tears streamed down your cheeks, you couldn't keep them from coming. Now. You were angry, sad, hurt—all of those emotions were heavy on your heart. Yoongi wasn't phased by your tears, but Jin was teetering on the edge of his limit.

“He did the worst of it.”

“What does the mean?” Yoongi pried further.

“He beat me, I was covered from head to toe in bruises...h-he degraded me a-and-” You sniffled, attempting to wipe your steady tears away. “And-...He wanted me to have sex with him, I fought back,” You couldn't get it out, the syllables of your sentences were jumbled up like a child. “I kicked and bit him-...He got really mad, and tried to- Force me anyway...but-”

“Stop!” Jin shouted in a fit, startlingly you enough to make you whimper. 

“Just stop. Stop talking, I don't want to hear it anymore, I can’t.” He kicked the desk and Yoongi was about ready to shoot this man if he kept disrupting. He was finally hearing some detailed progress and now he has to worry about Jin getting butt-hurt about your unfortunate situation. 

“How could you say that?... You're responsible for putting me in this situation but you don’t want to hear the truth?” You wiped your nose, looking at him with teary eyes in disbelief. “I was the one being abused...”

“Y/N, what do you want me to say? I'm sorry this happened to you and it is partly my fault, I admit that. But that doesn’t mean you have to torture me with the details.” 

“I’m torturing you!? You’re so fucking selfish...I was tortured! It all happened to me!” You pointed to yourself, throat soar from the volume you’ve reached.

“You don’t know what I had to go through, knowing you hadn’t even tried to reach me...” You hissed at Jin, slowly standing up from your seat, your ankle suddenly feeling like it was cut off and stapled back on. 

“I-...I don't feel very well, can I leave, please? I didn't take my medicine this morning,” You looked at him, trying to earn his sympathy but he wasn't buying it. He wasn't done ask his questions, he needed to know more and you were not about to leave before he could get the answers he wanted.

“No, but he can.” He cut his gaze to his Jin. “Get out, you're not helping here, just getting fucking emotional,” Yoongi coughed a little, the smoke affecting his breathing like it often did. 

“Yoongi, don’t take this personally but I'm not leaving her in here with you-”

“And I wasn't fucking asking. I don’t need you in here, get the fuck out,” Yoongi commanded, and to your surprise, Jin actually listened, you underestimated the authority Yoongi had here. 

“Close the door on your way out.” With a loud groan, Jin left the room, hoping you'd be okay while he was gone. The door was closed and the sound made you relieved in some way.

“Now that he’s gone, you can speak freely, I need to everything,” He sighed, getting up to walk to a cabinet behind him. He pulled out a bottle of rum and two glasses, pouring the liquid. “And I’ll know if you’re lying about something, so please be transparent.”

It was silent for a few seconds, Yoongi took this little time to observe you. There was so much he needed to uncover, he just didn't think he'd be uncovering them through you. He studied your features, your nose a tinge pink from the crying, your eyes, arms, everything, you looked close to sickly. Your appearance was immensely different from before—from what he could remember at least. You coughed into your hand, the puff of smoke he just released scratching at your lungs. 

“Are you sensitive to the smell?”

Your furrowed your brows. “What?”

“Are you sensitive to the smell of smoke or are you fucking around? Because I'm not holding your hands until you can articulate yourself. I hope you don't think I made him leave because you wanted him to, I made him leave because we need to continue this without interruptions.” He tapped it on the ashtray, scrutinizing your silence.

“S-sorry, I hate the smell...” You mumbled, rubbing at your nose. 

He grumbled something under his breath, but it was incoherent. He put it out and right after he poured the rum into two glasses, sitting one in front of you and the other in front of himself. 

“So Taehyung stopped him...” He spoke, urging you to continue. “What else?”

“Yes...He told the guy to leave but it was just so he could torture me himself...he got into my head, he gave me the choice to stop him multiple times, I- I could have stopped him but I didn't, I was so stupid…” You grit your teeth. 

“All the scars and pain are my fault. Isn't that pitiful? He fucking stabbed me and threatened to send a bunch of guys in there to finish what that other guy started if I didn't beg him...” You looked up at him, licking your lips nervously. 

“That's when I caved in, I couldn't take it anymore...I begged him not to and he finally made it stop. I went through pointless torture and he only stopped when I gave up my dignity...you probably think I'm pathetic...” Your head hung lower and lower, you began to feel ashamed and self-conscious, he sighed. 

“Actually, you're brave, a little stupid, but brave. To run away from Namjoon, and pull it off for a few hours?” He took a sip of his drink, the harsh alcohol soothing him in a way. 

“You know how to survive, you favor Jin in that aspect,” He thought aloud, and you nodded your head weakly. “That experience must've affected you deeply. Mentally, emotionally, and physically you’ve endured a lot,”

“I'm curious...if Jungkook took you from that room,” He tapped his index finger on the glass. “What kind of relationship do you have with him? He did save you at your lowest point.” He made a question in more of a statement form as if he already knew the answer. 

Jungkook. He was all you really wanted right now, you didn't know how you could talk about your relationship with him without completely breaking down. 

“What’d you mean?...” You feigned ignorance, twiddling your fingers anxiously.

“Did you just sleep together? Were you roommates? Lovers? You have a lot of options.”

“I don’t know but-...But I love him. He saved me, just when I was about to give up on my life, he saved me. He took me when I was beaten and bloody, but he cleaned me up and took care of me anyway. Some girl he didn't even know, he let sleep in his bed when he could've thrown me out...He protected me, from all of them, from the people like you.” You wiped your eyes with the back of your sleeve and Yoongi sighed.

She has Stockholm syndrome.

He didn’t entertain your emotional confession, he instead asked a question that has been on his mind.

“You have quite a few marks on your neck,” He stood to his feet, running his tongue over his bottom lip in thought. “they can't all be bruises. Some of them look like,” He snickered, this was too funny to him, “hickies?” 

You swallowed, he seemed a lot more intimidating now. He wasn't super tall like Namjoon, and he wasn't built like Jungkook, but he was still a lot bigger than you. He took one last swig of his drink, before placing it back on the desk. Suddenly Jimin walked in, but the sound didn't really phase you, your eyes were glued to Yoongi. He came in at the worst time, Yoongi was just about to ease out every little detail he could to mortify you. He had to test the waters, find out what was really going on here. 

“Is he aggressive with you? I can tell you're docile when shown some type of physical assertion, that’s normal but you seem a bit paranoid,” he said that last part more to himself.

“Is Jungkook like that with you?” To your utter surprise, he gently grabbed the tip of your jaw between his two fingers and thumb. Forcing you to look him in the eye, bringing his face somewhat close to your own. Jimin was shocked, Yoongi actually touched your face. He rarely sees scenes like this. He took his other hand and thumbed over the darkest bruise, inspecting it despite your obvious discomfort. 

“I’m curious, does he touch you even if you tell him not to or do you like that sort of thing and it’s all consensual? I’m trying to piece this together,” He tilted his head a bit, furrowing his brow when you grabbed his wrist weakly to get him to let go. “You claim you’re in love with him but you’ve given me no real evidence to prove that, so, I don’t believe you.”

Your cheeks were so blushed that it could've been mistaken for a slap in the face. He wasn't convinced. He wasn't born yesterday, he knows what a consenting adult is capable of. It was embarrassing that everyone was bringing up the marks, was it really that noticeable? You just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. With Jimin's flustered expression at the scene he let you go, he decided he’d finish this later.

“Hyung,” Jimin cleared his throat, “sorry, she needs to take her meds, it’s time...” He always seems to save you in the nick of time, you appreciated him a lot for that coincidental timing.

“Ah, that's right, you're probably in a lot of pain, we'll continue this later.” With that, he was about to walk out but he saw the glass of rum that you didn't even touch. He downed it in one go, groaning as he left the room.

Jimin hesitantly approached you, reaching for your hand to get your attention. He felt sorry for you, he always has. Your innocent blood was shed for Jin’s guilty hands and there was nothing he could do for you. He took you back to your room, telling you to drink plenty of water and take your medicine

—why do you always end up in some room. Alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“He’s gone again?...” He walked up beside her at the kitchen table, watching her sew the cut on his favorite black shirt, for the third time this week. He was as active as any other boy, but at this rate, he might as well go out in football gear.

“Yes, he left early this morning sweetheart.” She stopped her sewing, sitting the sweater down and sighing. Her slender fingers reached for the glass of ice water and Jungkook watched her sip from it. “He'll be back soon though.”

“You always say that. He's never home...” I groaned.

“Jungkook, you know that's how he pays our bills, how we get food on the table.” She gave a weak smile, cupping his cheek lovingly.

“Yeah but he's gone so much, I don't even remember his face sometimes...” He whined, furrowing his dark brows, that sentence alone broke her heart a little.

“Don't ever say that, Jeon Jungkook. You always remember your father, always, he loves you...” She knelt down to my level, looking into my eyes. “He may not say it often, or show it like he should but he does...” She embraced me, almost to comfort herself.

Her heart was so warm and kind. For the longest time, he wondered how she could smile through this.

He first got enlisted when Jungkook was 4 years old because he got laid off. the check from the military was decent enough to support a wife and child. Jungkook noticed soon enough that his mother was really his only confidant. She was an angel to him. Even if she would discipline him from time to time, she only had to be strict because his father wasn’t there. That must’ve been tiring.

Jungkook was only 11, he didn’t understand the dynamics and complications of a family. All he knew was that his mother loved him, and he loved her more than anyone in this world. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The white ceiling and white lights were pissing him off for some reason. And the at one point bearable hospital bed felt like a wooden plank. Taehyung was supposed to take him home but the doctor suggested he stay another night. The longer he stays here the more he wants to walk out of here and strangle somebody. Jungkook sat up groggily, sighing when he glanced out the window, this is about the time he'd be out and about, or in some cases, in bed with you. I miss her so much. You were by far the best that’s ever happened to him. Somehow the heavens found him worthy enough to have an angel like you.

He looked down at the IV in his arm and frowned. “I can’t take this much longer...” He groaned. The shoulder he used to break his fall with you in his arms was killing him. The pain alone wasn’t the issue, thinking about how he got the injury was troubling, it kept reminding him how this all came into play, how they took you from him. He was sure you were you two were gonna make it, he planned it perfectly. But it didn't go as planned and it’s his fucking fault. He threw you into the front seat, forcing you to drive in a very tense situation, it was bound to go wrong somehow. You’d be with him right now if he would’ve thought things through instead of just doing what he'd do if it's was just him. It's not just Jungkook anymore, it hasn't been for a while. It's you too.

Even one night apart felt weird, he was so accustomed to you being there for him. Being there to talk to, to hold, to love. He just recently verbally confessed to you, he let himself be vulnerable and said that he was in love with you. You're in love with him but now you’re gone. It seemed like anyone he loved with all of his heart was taken from him. 

You were with Jin and Yoongi, that was the worst part of all. He didn’t know why you kept Jin being your brother a secret for so long. He thought maybe you didn’t know they knew each other, that they were enemies. If you and Jin had such a strong relationship, wouldn’t you have said something?

At this point, it didn’t really matter. You love him, you’ve told him and that’s all Jin and or anyone else needs to know. No one can protect you like he can, no one can love you as deeply as he does. Especially not Jin.

He grabbed his cell phone, throwing his legs over the edge as if to get up, somebody needed to come and get him. Namjoon said he'd come to get him last night, but Namjoon's going through a lot right now. Jungkook is out of the loop and he doesn't want it to stay that way.

Knock knock.

Before the person was granted entrance the door slowly creaked open and Jungkook’s eyes were glued to the man that walked inside. That distinct hair, that nose, that face. A nurse came in beside him, presumably to help Jungkook out of bed.

“You and Dr. Jeon look like twins.” She smiled, checking his clipboard and writing some things down. Jungkook was beyond livid and confused. He glared at his Hyung with the dirtiest look. He never wanted to see his face again but here he is. He and his older brother haven’t seen each other in years, and he wanted to keep it that way. Did this guy really think he had the right to walk into this damn hospital room with his stupid white coat? 

Dr. Jeon

“Could you give us a minute Sue?” He decided to speak, seeing Jungkook was about to go off. Sue nodded, walking off and closing the door behind her. They just stared at each other, taking in the sight of one another, He really does look like me.

“Where the shit have you been.” Jungkook hissed, cutting his eyes to the window. 

Jeon walked over to Jungkook, leaning against the bed opposite of him. “I heard you were in a car accident, with your girlfriend? I was worried about your well being Jungkook so I came from my office to come see you.” He sighed. “Look, I don’t really understand in detail the lifestyle you have, but I know it’s dangerous and reckless, you could’ve been killed.”

“You don't care and you don’t know shit about me ‘Dr. fucking Jeon’ and you never will, k? I don’t know why the fuck you think you can just come and go out of peoples lives as you fucking please.” Jungkook took out his IV for the second time and stood up. His older brother didn’t realize how tall Jungkook had gotten, and how mature he really was now. He looked fit too, his biceps were no joke, even if he still had that same lovable baby face.

“Jungkook, whether you like it or not we’re still brothers-”

“YOU ARE NOT MY FUCKING BROTHER. What in the hell makes you think I see you as my brother?! You're what? 9 years older than me? I didn't meet you until I was 10. We didn't even grow up together, we’re not brothers. You don’t mean shit to me Junghyun. I have real brothers and you’re not one of them.”

That stung.

“When they took mom from me you were still allowed to see her, but you and your shitty degree only sent money, fucking money...she didn’t want that.” Jungkook sneered bitterly. “She wanted me, her real son. She didn’t raise you, so you aren’t really her son, I am. And as far as I’m concerned I cut you out of my life and hers. As soon as I met you I told her you were a fucking joke.”

“Jungkook, just stop it, okay? You’re being a child about this. She is my mother too, I love her just as much as you do. I was closer to dad and when he died, I don’t know, I just went on with my life.” He walked over to the door, pacing a bit.

“You don't love her half as much as I do,...Just get out.” There was nothing else he could say, he didn’t have time to fight with Junghyun. He was wasting his breath continuing this conversation. He needed to get to the base with Namjoon, Tae, and everyone else so he can get closer to you.

“I'll talk to you later Jungkook, just- Think about what I said.” He was finally leaving, Jungkook sighed in relief. Who did he think he was? And how did he find out he was in an accident from a different city? Has he been keeping tabs on me? Those were just a few questions he had for him.

Another nurse peeked in.

“Sir? You have a visitor.” Namjoon immerged from behind the two, looking as tall and intimidating as always. Jungkook, for the first time in 24 hours, smiled.

“Hyung.” Jungkook was ready to get up and go but he looked down at himself, remembering that he had asked Namjoon to bring a change of clothes. “Did you bring my clothes?” Namjoon walked over with a slight grin to give Jungkook his long-awaited change of clothes.

“Yeah, I knew you were ready to get out of here, sorry I couldn’t come sooner,” Namjoon commented, seeing Jungkook attempt to change with a bad arm. “there’s a lot going on right now.” 

“Tell me about it...” He sighed, continuing to slip on his shirt and slide on his pants. They removed his bandage so he only had a smaller one on the gash on his forehead. His shoulder was bandaged, his waist, his forehead. He really took a hit. Anyone else would have the sense enough to rest before trying to get up and go

“Excuse me,” The doctor that first operated on him walked in, “there are policemen demanding to speak with you, Mr. Jeon.” Jungkook’s mouth went slightly agape in disbelief, now was not the time for the police to medal into this mess.

“Okay, give me a minute.” The doctor left and Namjoon glared at the door and back at Jungkook.

“They’re probably here to talk about the accident...” Jungkook mumbled. “But, do they know about Y/n? God, I hope they don’t think she’s a suspect...” He finished dressing, then went to the sink to wash his face.

“Jin has Yoongi’s ties to the police department, he’ll do everything in his power to keep her hidden. If she’s with him she’s safe.” Namjoon tried to reassure him but he kept shaking his head, patting his face dry with a washcloth.

“If she’s with anyone but me, she’s not safe.” Jungkook was serious about that. He didn’t trust Jin, it didn’t matter if he was your brother, Jin wasn’t an ally and that meant he was a threat. 

“I know we can’t afford to have you run in with the cops so you should go, I’ll get to you when I can.” This was the last thing he planned on doing when he got out of here, but it was just one milestone before getting to you—that’s how he has to think about it if he’s gonna get through this.

“Hang in there, Jungkook.” Namjoon ran his hand through his hair, he sighed at the thought of having to leave him. Namjoon pats his shoulder, his conscious telling him to sneak Jungkook out but he didn’t want to risk it— he couldn’t; Namjoon left him, he had to. After a good minute or so, Jungkook watched two cops walk in, a pair of cuffs in one of their hands and a bag in the other.

He cleared his throat. “Mr. Jeon,” The man pulled out a bag with a familiar gun in it. “Do you recognize this?” He held up the gun.

He glared from the hospital bed. “I’ve never seen it before...” 

“Oh really? Well, your fingerprints have been found on this weapon. There is gunpowder under your fingernails and on your hands. This weapon has been fired approximately fourteen times.” The other cop came up to him, cuffing his wrist to the bed railing, making Jungkook furrow his brows in confusion.

“You are under arrest for possession and use of a firearm. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.”

“Shit.”

[chimcharstar]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

[reader-imagines-blog]

Vows [Part 3] (Jaime Lannister x Reader)

a/n: hey! hi! hello! here's the third part to my jaime story which i am Very Much enjoying writing lmao. im such trash for this character and i just wanT A SOLID REDEMPTION ARC. sigh. anyways. enjoy! 

PART 1 PART 2 PART 4 PART 5 PART 6 PART 7 PART 8 PART 9

 WORD COUNT: 1,533 

 ***********************************��

The Flower in The North's marriage to the Lion of Lannister was the largest source of gossip in Westeros since Cersei's marriage to Robert. Two great houses marrying was practically unheard of, much less a Stark and Lannister union. 

Weeks into the new Lady Lannister's marriage found Y/N rather content, if a bit lonely. She hadn't had very much time to spend with her sisters or her father, being constantly watched by Lannister guards. Y/N had been invited to several luncheons of tea and walks through the gardens with Cersei and she had come away from every one of them uneasy and feeling threatened. 

Y/N was itching for interactions with her family, feeling as though she had been thrown to the lions with no hope of rescue. Y/N missed the frosty air of the North, she missed Jon's constant quiet wisdom, and she missed her twin. The distance between Robb and Y/N was excruciating and no amount of letters back and forth could fill that void. 

About a month into Jaime and Y/N's marriage, word that Jaime had taken a group of Lannister soldiers and was currently seeking 'negotiations' with her father reached Y/N and caused her heart to drop to her feet. 

She had saddled a horse immediately after she received word and rode as quick as she could to Littlefinger's brothel, where Varys had said they'd be. Y/N was furious. Word had spread through the Kingdoms like wildfire that Catelyn Stark had kidnapped Tyrion Lannister and was accusing him of Bran's attempted murder. Jaime had been furious all morning, hardly looking at Y/N and not listening to her pleas to calm down and to not do anything rash. 

Obviously, he had not listened. 

Y/N stopped her horse in front of the brothel and came upon her Lord husband questioning her father on the whereabouts of Tyrion, his sword in Ned's face. Y/N didnt wait for her horse to stop before she had jumped off of her saddle, immediately unsheathing her sword as she stumbled. 

"What in the Seven is going on here? Jaime?" 

Jaime regarded his wife with his signature cocky façade, grabbing her upper arm and dragging her in front of her father. There was a reason Jaime hadn't brought Y/N out in public. He wasn't a fan of who he had to be in the eyes of Westeros, and he knew Y/N wouldn't be either. 

"According to your father's guard here, I was threatening him. And you'll address me formally." Jaime looked at the sword in Y/N's hand and quickly took it from her, tossing it to the side. Y/N's eyes, ablaze with unabashed fury and shame of her husbands current treatment of her, briefly moved to Jory Cassel, and then back to Jaime. 

"Well did you, my Lord Husband?" 

Jaime smirked. "Well let's see, dear wife. I told him that I am going to cut him open, balls to brain, and see what Starks are made of. Does that classify as a threat to you, my darling?" 

Y/N glared coldly up at her husband. Jaime felt his heart drop but kept his smirk firmly in place. 

"Well we'll just have to see what Lannister's are made of first, then?" 

Jaime threw one last glare at Ned before again looking to his wife. Even without a sword, she was willing to threaten him. In a way, Jaime was proud. 

"Tread carefully, dear wife. You are a Lannister." 

Ned chose this moment to intervene, worry for his eldest daughter hardening in his chest and showing in his eyes. "If you kill me, you'll never see your brother again." 

Jaime laughed humorlessly, turning from Y/N. "You're right," He turned and nodded to his soldiers, "Take him alive. Kill his men." 

Y/N immediately began struggling against Jaime, watching his men kill her father's, men she had grown up around. Jaime growled, frustrated, and passed her off to one of his men, his eyes on Lord Stark. "Hold her." 

The second that Y/N was out of Jaime's grasp, she broke away from the Lannister guard holding her, taking his sword and running him through in the process. 

Catelyn hadn't wanted her to train, but Ned and Robb made sure Y/N knew how to fight. Y/N had trained with Jory her entire life, against her mother's wishes.

Jaime rolled his eyes, his glare focused on the body of the guard who had let her get away. Y/N held her own well, fighting off and cutting down three men before Jaime put an end to it. He disarmed her when she was distracted and grabbed her arm roughly, dragging her back to her horse. He brought his face close to hers, his gaze hard as Lannister green met Stark grey. 

"Go back to the keep. We'll discuss a punishment for this later." 

Y/N didn't hesitate before slapping Jaime across the face, a small trail of blood leaking from the corner of his mouth when he turned back to her. 

"You do not get to threaten me with punishment! What in the name of the Gods has gotten into you?" Jaime didn't speak, noticing the lull in battle and his men watching him, waiting for a reaction. Jaime swallowed as he realized that he needed to keep up with the charade he had created for himself over his years at Kings Landing. Cold. Dishonorable. Cruel.

"I don't do anything in the name of the Gods." 

Inwardly agonized but steeling his expression, Jaime raised his hand to strike her back when Jory Cassel kicked him in the side. Jaime stumbled, eyes blazing when he turned them on Jory. 

"You'd raise a hand to my Lady, Kingslayer?" 

Y/N was immediately grabbed by two Lannister soldiers as Jory continued to fight Jaime, the younger man losing quickly as Jaime shoved his dagger through Jory's eye. 

Y/N's eyes widened as she attempted to lunge forward, rage filling her to her core. She had just stood witness S Jaime ruthlessly kill her childhood friend and mentor. Y/N wasn't quite sure that it was really the kind, witty man she had been married to for a month that she was seeing do these things. 

"You bastard! No! Let me go!" 

Y/N struggled against the soldiers who held her, unable to stop the tears streaming down her face. She could do naught but watch as Jaime approached her father, sword raised in a silent challenge. 

Y/N prayed to the Seven for her father to just submit, to just end this fight and this day, but her prayers fell on deaf ears as her Lord father and husband began to lunge. 

Jaime smirked as he fought Ned and it disgusted Y/N to watch. There was no honor in enjoying battle. 

Y/N cried out when one of the soldiers holding her twisted her arm back too harshly in an attempt to cease her struggling and the sound caused both Jaime and Ned to pause their fighting search for the source of Y/N's distress. 

Another Lannister soldier took her father's distraction as an opportunity and shoved a spear through his leg, causing him to scream as he fell. 

"Father!" 

Y/N broke away from the soldiers holding her and ran to her father, taking his face in her hands. Her arm was throbbing, most likely broken, but all Y/N could process was her father's pained expression. 

As Y/N knelt weeping in front of her father, Jaime approached the soldier who incapacitated Lord Stark and hit him across the face with the hilt of his sword. He then turned to the soldier who had broken Y/N's arm and ran him through, kicking the body off of his sword, sneering. 

Jaime grabbed Y/N's uninjured arm as he passed her, pulling her with him toward his horse. Her struggling and strings of curses became too much for him to handle on his own. He had a guard tie her hands behind her back as they placed her on the horse. At that moment, if Y/N's looks could kill men, she would have made sure that Jaime and every single one of his soldiers suffered before dropping dead. 

Jaime addressed Ned as he climbed on the horse behind Y/N, his arms enclosing her so she stayed on the horse. 

"My brother, Lord Stark. I want him back." 

========================= 

When Jaime and Y/N arrived back at the keep, Jaime immediately set about untying his wife and trying to scan her for more injuries. 

The moment Y/N was free, she scrambled off of the horse and struck Jaime again across his face. Jaime remained passive, watching as tears gathered in his wife's eyes. 

"How dare you?! How dare you speak to me that way in front of your men? In front of my father! How dare you raise a hand to me?! You swore to me that you wouldn't treat me this way! You swore to me that this wouldn't be that type of marriage!" 

Jaime watched as her chest heaved in his fury, his hand coming to try and rest on her cheek. Y/N slapped it away harshly. Her next words, whispered brokenly, broke Jaime’s heart. 

"Am I just another vow to be broken, Jaime?" 

Tears were streaming down Y/N's pale cheeks. Jaime wanted her to be angry, to yell, to lash out as she had been. Jaime had no words for his wife. He just stood before her, watching passively and feeling his gut clench. Guilt replaced his previous anger and Y/N's words played unyieldingly in his thoughts. 

Am I just another vow to be broken? 

Jaime was unable to find his voice, watching with his eyes and throat burning as Y/N waited for an answer. 

When Jaime was unable to provide one, another sob tore from Y/N's throat. She brought her hand up to her mouth, trying to stifle her cries. 

Y/N turned and began walking with as much grace as she could manage back to their chambers, her ragged breaths echoing in the halls and back to Jaime as she did.

“Where are you going, Y/N? We share chambers, you’ll only see me later.” Jaime’s voice shook as he spoke.

Y/N didn’t answer as she turned a corner, out of Jaime’s sight.