#im like stress laughing about this
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Haaaaa apparently new bsd is out today.
Mega stressed, but wonder if Akutagawa will return
#akutagawa come home everyone misses you#akutagawa august anyone?#im mad stressin#im like stress laughing about this#cause l everyone is probably gonna died#well#I wish everyone reading a very happy hopefully nobody you really like gets really hurt or dies#bungo stray dogs#bsd
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friend notoriously bad at videogames said shed play marvel rivals with me tomorrow chat if i never post after tomorrow night its because a blood vessel bursted
#marvel rivals#snap chats#AT LEAST WE’LL HAVE OUR OTHER FRIEND THERE BUT god.#she funny as hell she just suddenly called me and was like ‘i saw your twitter. do you wanna play marvel rivals tomorrow’#and then she proceeds to be like ‘wait so who do you main. other than magneto’ Motherfucker with a capital M#NO I SWEAR IM NOT A ONE TRICK i really like wanda hawkeye and jeff….#NO SHE SAID ONE MORE THING SHE WAS LIKE ‘wait are charles and magneto the same guy’ and she tries to Just Kidding her wait outta it#Note whenever she says Just Kidding she’s trying to cover her ass I PROMISE I WAS LIKE /KAYLA. BE SERIOUS./#and then she was like ‘who’s the friendlier one of the two’#and then i had to hit her with the Technically People Think Theyre Both Varying Degrees Of Asshole. however charles probably wont bite you#and THEN SHE WAS LIKE ‘ok well you should draw magneto surprising charles with jollibees’ AND I. NO SHE THINKS MY EXISTENCE SURROUNDS JB#AND THIS GAL HAD THE GAUL TO BE LIKE ‘oh do you know how to make it since its a big part of your culture’#i was flabbergasted frankly. ‘oh you guys really like jollibees so you know how to make it right’ i screamed#LIKE ????ISJAJSJSJSJ i cant stress the anomaly this girl is i wish you all could meet her so you understand me#AND LIKE SURE I LOVE JBS but she only ever mentions puto and jollibees to me like kayla. there is more to PH culture than that sjKakss#its really funny with the ??? shit she says i cant lie#she was all ‘oh is the winter soldier in the game ? you should play him hes cool :) and from jersey :) ok well his actor is but—‘ LIKE DKSKS#‘snap arent you being a little mean’ no trust and believe AND I HAVE WITNESSES#i have stupid amounts of stories with her. like she tried to excuse being dumb by sayin shes a capricorn#we’re literally both capricorns and she was born two days before me I Cannot. Do You Understand Me.#anyways. she said i should stream me playing rivals would anyone care about that#i kinda wanted to …. i think it’d be fun…. plus i miss streaming :(#ok byebye for now my bros almost home and i said id let him play so i could work on comms#i mean thats assuming he wants to play. if not uhhhhhhh#anyways BYE. ill tell yall how the game goes tomorrow night if i dont die of a stroke#again at least our other friend’ll be there so someone can laugh at my pain
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my tes secret santa for @anotherclassicpretence! truth be told I've been having a tad bit of writer's block lately but some of your prompts were VERY interesting (I liked the idea of writing delphine before the main quest a lot... this more or less counts) so I hope I've done them justice. hope you're having a splendid holiday season!
...
“Steady on, Hilde,” Delphine says with a brusque, manufactured sort of calm. “You’ll do yourself a mischief.”
It's a relief, she thinks, that the day Hilde has elected to barge in with world-upending news is a convenient one; it isn’t as though Riverwood is the kind of place to attract crowds, most of the time (part of the reason she chose to live here at all) but the inn is unusually quiet now. Orgnar is nominally organising something in the cellar, which means that he’s spending an hour swapping two bottles around and calling it a day, and the dining hall is warmed to a swelter with the ever-going hearthfire, and utterly empty. No-one’s come in for lunch yet. No rooms rented out last night, either, so it’s all silent on that front; it’s just Delphine and her wet cotton cloth, wiping down the stained tables till they shine, and Hilde with her hair wrapped and her string of beads tangling round narrow, hard-knuckled fingers. She’s sat herself on the chair with the wobbly leg; it needs fixing soon. Ordinarily, Delphine would herd her onto another, but right now she doesn’t think there’s anything in the world that would get Hilde to listen.
“Hark at her!” she complains to the bead-string - all marbled glass dyed blue and red and yellow, clinking together on their leather cord. “Do a mischief - do a mischief - it’s as if she can’t bloody hear me -”
Delphine swipes the cloth over the chip in the corner of the table. “I hear you,” she replies (does she ever hear her). Hilde’s hands are white where the necklace bites into her skin; her lips are pinched into a puckered line. Her eyes are red-rimmed and fierce. “Hilde. I’m going to get you a drink to calm your nerves, and then we’ll talk it over properly, all right?”
“Talk it over,” Hilde repeats, high and scornful, and then her face screws up quite suddenly as if all the fight has fled it - the wrinkles in her cheeks deepening to uneasy valleys, knuckles pressed to the thin slat of her mouth, beads digging hard into her cheek. “Nine have mercy… thank you, Delphine.”
The inner corner of Delphine’s lip snags, near imperceptibly, between the blunt ends of her canines. She nods once, and she ducks behind the bar, folding the cloth with damp precision as she goes. The cask of ale is near empty, the mugs lined up on their shelf, sparkling clean, cutlery rattling around in its tin. It's not fancy - Riverwood is a small, old town, built on the bones of an older one, and no matter how well-run the inn has been since she bought it it's not exactly a prime destination, but it's a good sort of a place. And innkeeping is decent work. Keeps you busy. Keeps your ear to the ground. Gives you something to focus on, in the meantime -
When Delphine grabs a tankard, she notes with some incredulity that her hand is trembling. She stills it. She pours the ale until the cup rim is flecked with froth.
(Gives you something to focus on in the meantime, in between real work, while you're waiting -)
(There is a feeling rising in her body, foaming like the ale; a sour, stomach-turning excitement, as if she's in her twenties again and wet behind her ears, biting back all the intrigue. Like she has an unlined face and fresh armour and is standing again in line for her induction ceremony. Like she's staring something in the face and thinking, finally.)
Delphine caps the cask. She is not in her twenties, and she is not staring anything down; bar Hilde, a seventy year old woman with tannin-stained hands and the latest in a line of tall stories. Delphine didn't get this far (how far?) (still alive, isn’t she) through credulity. She's a pragmatist through and through - won't believe anything she hasn't seen evidence of with her own eyes; and yet.
And yet.
She sets the mug down on the table; a pale and lukewarm drop slides down the pewter, just next to the handle. She'll need to wipe it all down again, after this.
Hilde takes it, absent-minded; the beads slither from where they’re strung around her hands to rest in a smooth curve over her chest. Her hands are shaking - she doesn’t seem to notice, or if she does, she doesn’t stop them. There is a look about her, all of a sudden, that seems dreadfully, fixedly haunted, like a woman looking down the barrel of a cannon, some rapid-rigged explosive, something to level the town. Like she’s caught the apocalypse’s eye. Delphine reaches out, perfunctory, and pats the back of her hand; Hilde grimaces and downs half her tankard in one long, desperate swig.
Light’s coming in through the window-slats up by the rafters, dull and gold, dust motes in the shafts of it. It makes the white wimple of cloth swaddled hastily around Hilde’s head shine in places.
“Big as the mountain,” she mumbles into the lip of the tankard, fingers wrapped tight around its handle, “black as night - flew right over the barrow like something fit to block out the sun.”
Delphine’s teeth scrape over that spot at the corner of her lip. She can’t help but say, “Are you sure -”
“I know what I saw,” Hilde snaps. Her knuckles and lips are blanched and colourless. Liquid sloshes over the edge of her cup with her sharp, abortive gestures. “I saw a dragon.”
Delphine is very careful not to let her face do anything at all, there.
(It’s adrenaline, she knows; the pointed, muscle-coiled readiness to move - to act - to make a plan in service of a solid end and carry it off perfectly; the comfort of seeing possibility roll out before her like a long many-doored hallway, like a road she might be able to walk instead of these four walls she’s circled for too many years. Innkeeping is decent work - keeps her ear to the ground - keeps her busy in the interim, but it’s not what Delphine does, not what she’s been trained to do; not a purpose, not something to strive for, and oh, Divines -)
(None of this is substantiated. Delphine is not a rash and green youth, not anymore and not again, and she will not start running away with silly fantasies before she’s checked anything at all; she has had her fill of disappointment, and should know better than to invite it - should know better than to start spinning grand plans, before she’s even sent out some missives to the pale cobweb of contacts she has left - over the barrow; west, then - is there a significance, to the barrow? Does she have anything about it in her side room? Nine, it’s times like this she misses the old library and the mad old codger that kept it, and, no. No.)
(Yes.)
“It’ll come back,” Hilde’s saying with fearful certainty; lips flecked with spittle and beer-foam, hands still shaking. “It’ll come back, and it’ll kill us all, and then you’ll believe me -”
“I believe you,” Delphine tells her, and it is inexplicably, regrettably true. (She’s thinking about the library. She’s thinking about the dragonlore. She’s thinking that if dragons are back, someone will have to do something about it - and oh Divines how she has missed being the one to do something about it.)
Her hands are still, but only through some effort.
She feels like she’s been dozing for twenty years and only now has been shocked awake.
Hilde looks at her, white-mouthed and white-scarved; she frowns, a tense, sour thing, and she says doubtfully, “You look like you need a drink.”
Delphine laughs. It’s a short, gruff bark of sound. Her hands are flat on the tabletop; her hair is coming loose in thin wisps from the tight knot at the base of her skull. Sunlight trickles through the windows, golden-fresh. “No,” she says. “No, thank you, Hilde, I'm good."
#i would have liked to edit this one a bit more but fussing over it was just making it turn to GIBBERISH BEFORE MY EYES so.#it's polished enough!#will go back and fix the hyphen/em-dash situation later. im using google docs atm and it's giving me HELL#this one was fun to write bc it made me laugh to think about how drastically differently these people are reacting#delphine (intelligence agent that thrives in high stress situations. desperately bored traumatised lonely and searching for purpose)#vs hilde (random old nord woman whose culture draws a direct unambiguous line between Dragon = The Literal End Times)#hilde has SEEN THE HARBINGER OF DOOM and NO-ONE BELIEVES HER. except delphine - against her better judgement - and she#is saying FUCK YES#(even better than it's literally alduin. she saw the god that will consume all the world and nobody care)#(this is what HAPPENS when we don't listen to women!)#tessecretsanta2024#tes#fay writes#my writing#skyrim#delphine#my beloved... woman of all time
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okay i gotta know 😭 is everyone who’s been disagreeing with me or spamming me with asks sayin’ wars would NOT be in the club aware of the original meme? like, do y’all recognize the original meme and are disagreeing with my joke (which is so fair and valid of y’all, carry on, i also agree with y’all i think he’d hate the club it’s too loud), or did some of y’all just seeing the post and think i was just saying “Wars should be at the club he would like the club” and then just spamming me with “ur wrong” not understanding it originally came from this 😭
i need to know because i cant tell if some of y’all are like “i see ur meme but raise you: he deserves a quite night in” or if y’all (especially in my inbox) are just yellin’ at me because you didnt know it was referencing a meme 😭
#im cryin laughing over this but im also a little stressed because of one of the asks being like ‘dude you are literally so incorrect’#is this turning into the new ‘get your pussy up get your money up you’re gorgeous btw’ where no one knows what im talkin’ about 😭#lu warriors#lu wars#jes talks
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i truly dont understand how people can be so nasty and rude
#this is about work#had a customer run me around the store over an item that wasnt in the app but she just wouldnt let it go#so she asked for a manager and i went up front to ask for someone (there was a manager and like four other employees)#i asked for the store manager cause a customer was looking for that item and one of the employees was like 'you should know where that is.#you work in frozen.' and she kinda laughed snd smiled like she did something and i gave her a Look and i looked at someone else then back at#her like is no one going to say anything. and the manager was just like 'call the store manager' and im just??#i was VERY very close to going back up there to demand an apology but i talked to another worker and i calmed down but it feels like wheneve#r i ask anything i just get bullshit like this. asking questions here will just get u asshole responses and no help and that's not right#im just. very much stressed and that really pissed me off#the people up front r pretty rude though#that customer never thanked me either after putting me through all that
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Just got out of my oral exam!!! Somehow I got away with having a completely unprofessional and jokey presentation of my written work, and still got an A hihi
I really think I deserve a reward for all my hard work, and being so funny and entertaining tbh😌
#bean talks#I'm so happyyyy#been stressing all semester about this project too and now I only have the first draft of my masters to worry about#the funniest part of my feedback though was my exessive use of questionmarks in my titles hahah#and i just sat there like ok girlie??? im extremely queer its part of my culture what about it#obviously I didn't say anything but “oops hihi”#and then I jumped to the slide I personally thought was most unprofessional so we could laugh at it#i love being goofy in academia
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literally having the worst day ever and i cant ever be happy (has only experienced minor inconveniences today but they keep adding up)
#first of all i didnt get a lot of sleep so im mad tired#second of all the place i usually get lunch on campus said they werent doing bagels at the moment and it ruined me#cuz i was soooo excited to get bagels#third of all i was already cranky so i got all in my feels last night#so i had a dream where my gf who isnt my gf and saw each other on one fo the campuses and she was w her friends#at one point we were both leaving and iw as watcing her and her and her friend knew i was there#so then her friend comes over and shes like '[gf name] loves you so much'#and i was about to cry tears of joy i was like REALLY???#and then her friend started laughing and gestured to my gf who isn't my gf's OTHER friend behind me and she was like 'jk lol she meant#this friend not you el oh el'#and then my gf and her friends were all laughing at me and i burst into tears#and then in full on sobs i was like 'i loved you so much how could you leave me'#and then my gf was just like 'well youre a bad person and you think youre sooooo myseterious and youre a terrible person and i never loved#you' and oh my god it ruined my morning#i know a lot of it was just psychological cuz i was already moody when i went to bed#and i have this werid paranoia where i think her and her friends talk shit about me#which i doubt they do but it still stresses me out#so thats probably why that hapepned#and then on top of all that. fourth of all im getting lunch and i literally see her outside. like i dont see her for days and of course#the day i least want to see her shes right there#i mean im generally doing better than september and i didnt feel the same sinking feeling#i used to in like sept but still like brooooo bro this day could not be worseee#the only good thing that happened was that i passed my physics exam <3#also yeah again i said these are minor inconveniences im just frustrated lol#sunny rambles
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If ur not careful I might have to watch torchwood… do u recommend or is it an affliction you would not recommend to others?
hehehehehe >:3c gottem boys
no fr like. you have to look past the fact it's a low budget bbc production at times and embrace the slightly see through lesbian alien with foot long fingers that can read minds. you have to embrace the sex alien that absorbs people through her pussy. crucially, you have to watch it in as few sittings as possible. the only proper way to watch torchwood is to watch the entire thing absolutely nonstop and nothing else in between until your brain falls out through your ears :)
#I cannot stress to you enough how queer every single character in this show is#my gf is still surprised every time something gay happens im like what show exactly do you think that you are watching#also s1-2 are Proper Torchwood#s2 especially mwah chefs kiss#s3 is bearable but wildly falls apart in the final episode#s4 Is A Different Show John Barrowman Happens To Be In#dont worry though theres endless books and audio dramas#i especially recommend the audiobooks read by the cast where everyone tries to do each others accents#JB literally laughed while reading one line and they just left it in lmao#also HIGHLY recommend the fake relationship suburban life au jack/ianto audio drama where its a fake relationship except theyre also shaggi#and ianto spends the entire episode absolutely clawing at the walls of the house begging to get out while jack laughs at him fondly#it made me feel insane#someone talk to me about torchwood i am begging#kez talks#samwisegamgeeee
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“me when a baby emo tries to tell me…” “me when a girl with x y and z tries calling me a poser…” “me when…” SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP WHY IS EVERYTHING A COMPETITION I DONT FUCKING CAAARRREEEEEEE
#being emo shouldn’t be this fucking stressful and YET!!#like i know it’s stupid but it really fucks with my identity issues to know there are Many people who would consider me to be a ‘’’’poser’’’#because i’m too young or i was repressed for so long and i didn’t listen to enough bands in middle school and i don’t dress the right way#or fucking WHATEVER !!!!!#and it’s so TIRING !!!!!!#i wish it was 2009 again i’d rather be called a wrist cutter than a poser i fucking hate you all fr#into the microphone#emo scene#i think it’s Especially funny when older emo elitists listen to modern emo music and are like eww this is so cringe#buddy i’m gonna hold your hand when i say this. old emo is ALSO cringe. that’s the fucking point. we’re cringe but we’re free.#like dw i get it okay it is Also so tiring that emo has gone ‘’’’mainstream’’’’ and so many people treat the scene as a trend#but god DAMN accusing people of being posers is so LAAAMMEEE#if someone isn’t actually emo you’ll know bc you wont have anything to talk about with each other and that’s FINE#just don’t be friends with them and hate them from a distance we do NOT need to be online stressing out over proving how emo someone is#this kind of goes for all alt subcultures too but i don’t identify with those so im only talking about emo#the only outlier i feel is punk bc thats more of a political ideology but thats a whole other conversation for another day#i Do consider myself punk but nobody could tell me i’m a poser for that bc i don’t dress a certain way i’d like laugh in their face
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back hooooooome after an absolute nightmare experience trying to get home kjhdgkfjghkdf
so my flight from Edinburgh took me to Calgary, which is a hop skip and a jump away from where I live. problem is, a massive storm hit Calgary last night. a hail storm. followed by a rain storm. which caused massive damages and outages. on top of that, the staff for my airline were just uh. bad! and strung us along for over an hour promising oh no, our flight would be going, until they dropped on us that it was cancelled. dramatic reveal style. literally quoting "I know youve been so eager for an update..." (extended pause) "its cancelled." they then proceeded to literally shout at us- THROUGH THE MIC- to get out of the gate and go get our bags, which they did not tell us where our bags would be, and wouldnt let us talk to them at all
now, at this point, I was exhausted after having flown 8 hours and then having spent 10 hours in this airport, I was panicking because I had no fucking idea what to do and nobody would talk to me, and I was in a lot of pain because I had to be running around the airport which. friendly reminder I am a cane user. so yeah I was trying to figure this all out while actively crying my eyes out to my mom on the phone because now I was facing having to spend the night in the airport with absolutely no idea when I would get a new flight and no idea what to do
I ended up shelling out for another plane ticket to the earliest flight home I could get- I will be contacting the airline for a refund for the flight they cancelled. they did send out a new itinerary, but they were planning on putting me on a flight to Saskatoon, 6.5 hour layover there, and only then would I fly home which. absolutely fucking not. I took the slightly later, but direct flight, and made it home after only a short delay. meanwhile, since I get text notifications from my airline, I am STILL getting update texts because the flights they would've had me on keep getting delayed! I wouldnt even be home yet if I had taken those flights!
I did not sleep last night. I ended up at a table using my neck pillow as a regular pillow, but it was impossible to get comfortable, and also very bright, so I maybe got 45 minutes of sleep. I got a bit more sleep when I was able to go check in at my gate- they closed all security points so we couldnt even go to where we would've had access to couches and benches- but still. running off no sleep after two full days of travel. I am beyond exhausted
but im also very happy to be home
#I cried on call with my mom 4 different times last night#I was fully bawling my eyes out I was so stressed and angry and upset#im not somebody who complains about employees like you truly have to fuck up so bad#for me to get mad#but the airline employees were just awful to us last night#I was so fucking mad#at one point I was ranting to my mom and said 'do you know how hard it is to make me mad at an employee??' and she laughed#I was such a wreck last night I got sick and couldnt eat and was in so much pain from running around#very much going to be getting a refund it was so horrible
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just had the best shower of my life
#this one healed me for real#idk why it was the shower that did it but i feel like the visiting home stress has finally left me and im so ready for a new year#put the music on so loud that i could sing along as loud as i wanted to without hearing my own voice and cringing at it#and danced around and thought about how i can do that at a concert in just a few months again#and started having so much fun that i actually started laughing out loud like good L O R D i fucking needed that#soph txts#txt#still standing by my choice of not going out to a party tonight and instead just having a nice one by myself at home#even more so after that shower tbh i think its gonna be good for me to just have some me time and be happy and cozy and maybe just#drive out into town at midnight to see the fireworks but thats it#this is gonna be so great :) for real ♡
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people expecting ANY ultra famous hollywood people to not be a bit wacky and/or problematic in one way or another... honestly the naivety... you guys have got to stop thinking you know anything about who someone is privately when they're not in front of a camera or being interviewed... that's like a facsimile of a real person. enjoyable and fun to consume on a surface level but you gotta take everything with a grain of salt or you're going to keep being "let down" at the first sign of flawed human behaviour
#'let down' like you kinda brought this on yourself by thinking any random famous stranger is perfect and pure and faultless#NEWSFLASH BUDDY (my white genes coming out)#people want to stan only 'unproblematic' celebrities so bad. i have to laugh. they don't exist#just like someone's acting performance normally and don't centre your sense of self around being ride or die for a CELEBRITY#idk if im just from a different era or what but I truly don't understand this culture in people. 'just let people enjoy things'#but everyone goes to pieces as soon as something comes out about their fave. that doesn't seem like fun to me to be that wrapped up in it#maybe i have 2 remember a lot of these people are like 18 +chronically on stan twitter and I'm olddd 😂😂 like dw you'll learn not to gaf#most people in real life are not biting their nails stressing about celebrities being problematic and having crises of conscience#you go digging you'll ALWAYS be disappointed. give up the search for purity before u ruin it by sucking your own joy out of everything
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Tired of people saying “oh look at my old man😍” and the picture they attach is some buff anime dude with grey hair grow up
#I’m so fucking ill#HE AIN’T EVEN THAT OLD HE AIN’T EVEN INTERESTING IN PHYSIQUE#go back to fawning over captain fucking america you’re not welcome in this space#he has laugh lines and fat on his belly and flabby arms or its NO DEAL#AND IM SO FUCKING TIRED#the real halmark of old man fucking is the unconventional attractiveness of natural features becoming more pronounced with time#and my brother in christ you’re not even appreciating graceful aging. get a GRIP#seriously just make peace that you’re attracted to convention or embrace the skrungly. or like idk die if you can’t do either of those thin#i’m so tired#sorry I’m being such a hater lately but yk what with all my stress I’ve earned it#and even if he does have the requisite qualities one word about him being fucking daddy and I’m calling the goddamn cops#so so so sick of it
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I need to talk about Hopkins more on here, especially at 2 a.m.
#hi Geeky i have questions about the dream tapestries. mostly about visuals. i know we're not even at that part yet. but still#unrelated to that. OUGH. HIM.#MY BABY BOYYYYYYY#i feel like i really struggle with keeping a serious tone when roleplaying as him. hes a character that i think about very seriously-#-but idk. i feel like i have a hard time improvising serious reactions to things on the spot. im just making it a part of his character now-#-that when things get too serious he needs to do something a little funny to cope with all the stress he has to go through#and i do think thats in character. i think his parents and the other people in his life that helped raise him all kind of do this.#they certainly try to make eachother laugh#for a little context: in the session this morning Hopkins was trapped in a nightmare where he was being chased by shadow dogs.#later he blew up the shadow dogs with a stick of dynamite he's had in his pocket for like 30 sessions#it was very cathartic for him. to fight the thing hes been afraid of#especially after his ''dad'' dropped him off a cliff#this kid. needs therapy
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sorry just. jesus christ.
#taylor.txt#me: you’re on my case about me needing to communicate with you and i do my best to do that so i need you to communicate with me too#her: i don’t like talking about it when im upset#me: okay but we need to talk about it because i need to know what happened and how i can help and support you if i can#her: but if i talk about it i stop being aloof and mysterious. you can figure it out#????????? no i can’t that’s why i need to talk about it with you#like oh my god. god forbid i say something too deadpan and accidentally convince her im mad at her and then have to spend days soothing her#when like. in reality i’m just tired and feeling sick and focusing on not passing out#but she often laughs about the fact she probably has bipolar or bpd or some kind of personality disorder that she doesn’t want to get#doesn’t want to get diagnosed with.* because she thinks that it makes her more mysterious and quirky#you are not ramona. you are not quirky and cool and stoic. you are stressing me out and demanding i communicate with a brick wall#like idk i do my best to be open and communicate!! doing my best to not run at the first sign of trouble!!#but it just frustrates me that she’s always demanding that i do more of that when she won’t communicate and gets upset for me asking her to
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Love characterising nishikiyama as a booze hound drug hound meth addict high every day body mass 75% alcohol hands constantly shaking literally spacing out while driving fifty over the speed limit using elderly folk as speedbumps one hand on the wheel and one hand free to do more drugs and coming into work while functionally deaf and blind and he is still leagues more competent at his job than kiryu
#Yakuza loveblog#i dont talk about nishikiyama enough because im kazamapilled and hate him a little bit but im also kiryupilled and love him so much so you#see my problem? like i adore when nishiki is just. better in every way than kiryu and nobody ever sees that because theyre all too busy#sucking kiryus cock like okay nishiki had the rest of his life planned out when he was twenty and he was an extremely successful criminal#and getting himself noticed in many many circles then kiryu steps outside and gets into a street fight immediately and the entire tojo clan#surrounds him to throw cash at him like nishiki was actually doing so well for himself before his life was ruined. nothing is his fault#like i love just accepting that nishiki has one hell of a substance abuse problem and nobody cares enough about him to talk to him about it#and kiryu thinks its normal because hes the only one who can see that nishikis doing some great work out there so he must be doing#everything right. inconceivable that nishiki has any sort of ‘problem’ hes the real screwup and kiryu knows he makes life harder for himself#but he refuses to change because hes convinced that thats the only thing hes good at. like i believe that nishiki has a coke snorting#mechanic in game like harry db and without his coke buff he cant do as much damage like with it his output is on par with kiryus whos just#been blessed since birth by the violence gods. anyway kiryu is the only person in the world who thinks that nishiki is great do you get it#nishiki has lived his entire life in kiryus shadow and he doesnt care that kiryu has a natural charisma that he will never have. he has to#get out there every single day networking and socialising and hustling and nonstop landing interviews with cool magazines to get his name#out in the world while kazama takes kiryu out and drags him by the elbow to meet people like this is my son kiryu who has every disease and#everyone claps and cheers like i cannot stress enough how on top of the game nishiki is compared to kiryu. he has a car. kiryu doesnt even#have his own lighter. they are not on the same playing field and yet nishikis always trailing behind him because opportunity is always#knocking at kiryus doorstep whether he likes it or not and nishiki gets fed scraps and nothing else and hes the one with ambition he wants#the view on top and most importantly he wanted his brother there with him but nobody ... likes him ... nobody likes nishiki nobodys in his#corner he onky had kiryu and when he lost him it was quite literally him against the world. it always made me laugh how at the end of yk1#harukas paying her respects at nishikis grave when the only time he ever cared about her was because he wanted her little pendant and he#(actually fucked how alone nishiki was he didnt even have his own fucking men to rely on he was basically working alone with someone he knew#was using him like ??? he was fucking desperate) anyway i really love to think that kiryu being nishikis only friend and the last person in#the world who thought kindly of him (barring like ... kashiwagi) was grieving terribly over his death and haruka being a sensitive and#sweet little girl took the initiative to ask about nishiki and i think kiryu would tell her stories every night of the kind of stuff he and#nishikiyama would get up to when they were her age. he would tell her how amazing nishiki was and how he always looked out for him how he#took care of his sister and how he would always be the one to remind them of impending birthdays and the like. nishiki cared about the#little things .. and he made kiryu want to care about them too but theres just something different between them because nishikis always#been a better person than him .. and he would tell haruka in a voice that sounded like he was begging her to understand that nishiki wasnt a#bad person.. though he did bad things he was a good man and he still wishes with all his heart that he could have done more to save him ...
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