#im like fairly sure you wont see this any time soon

[npc-octopus]

not touch starved anymore but still touch hungering.

[cinnachaos]

ok so morgan lore (sorry this is so long , ive had lore cooking for these guys for a while and i never really fully finished it but here it is) (aslo i typed this all out half asleep i kight edit it later but maybe not idk)

warning for death and schtuff below

he lives on an apocalypse-ish planet where there are frequent lockdowns because of the inner monster stuff (refer to that other infodumping post) and unfortunately beth and jerry both got stuck in monster rampaging form and had to be exterminated/couldnt be found or anchored back into human form (they dont currently have a cure but later on with rick and morgan home they make one)

summer has a missing arm from a fucky wucky with a monster so she uses a robotic arm , she also has a shorter cut thats a bit fluffier and she doesnt wear a ponytail

rick has to leave the universe because he had a Monster Momento and fucked with a group of ricks so he wanted to make sure his morty and summer werent brought into it (his original family is all gone, it took him a LOT of tries to find morgan and summer so he cares a shit ton abt them)

morgan goes oh shit what the hell and takes a portal gun his rick stole and tries to find him but miami morty/mimi sees him thinking hes a rogue morty and goes can we keep him pretty please rick and even after he says no shoots a morty manipulator chip at him and drags him home like a wet cat

they go on adventures together, morgan usually wearing headphones and using weapons based off of games he likes because he doesnt like killing things so he does that to make it less AAAAGH for him (ill send my five thousand headcanons for the miamis and canon stuff about the monsters later)

one time he has a Moment with his monster form because unlike rick who at this point has most control over it bc hes coped with his trauma fairly well after mimi and rick get hurt and they have to heal him since his monster form usually damages him a lot (mainly through bruising, and if he uses his spikes or blades, bleeding)

they have a lot of fun unnttiiilll monster rick/his original rick comes to take him home and mistakes them for kidnappers even though theyve been taking good care of him so they both get into a fight and monster rick decides to take him home and keep him in the morty mind blower area of their house until he remembers which causes a huge freakout on morgans behalf

the miamis and monsters (summer and rick) go find him but go oh fuck its those guys and fight and then morgan has to go like guys what the fuck i like both of you and consider both of you family can you STOP FIGHTING so they go oh uh ok and now they have to share custody of morgan /lhj

also yeah monster care/research was prioritized in earth mv87 12 (theres more but i forgor) and it eventually calms down from a mass epidemic to just mildly dangerous

heres an old doodle of them since u got to the wnd of the infodump 🎉🎉🎉 (idk when ill draw sumker maybe later, just probably wont be soon cus im not hyperfixated on r&m anymore even if i still like it😭)

actually fuckit im putting my headcanons n shit here

ok so mv87/monster things

★ morgan wears headphones while on adventures to avoid hearing loud noises like gunshots, usually listens to splatoon music on loop

★ morgan has a habit of doing splatoon win animations sometimes when he successfully finishes an adventure

★ morgan was originally caught by mimi with pocket mortys stuff, he considers both the miamis and monsters his family, also very close to chaos rick and morty (another friends rick and morty) (hyperions-world chars!!!)

★ morgan is very close to his ricks but kind of scared of other ricks, he knows they can be really mean and devalue their mortys and him being really sensitive/fragile he cant handle that

★ morgan iscomfortable with miami mortys (/p!!!) kisses on the head to him and loves physical affection from any of his family members/close friends even if hes like eeeeeeeeehhhh from other people

★ morgan has a bad habit of getting extremely attached to ricks very quickly and is like a nice rick magnet 😭 hes befriended multiple ricks in the citadel like cop rick and enthusiastically waves at them anytime he sees them

★ morgan sometimes sways back and forth like an inkling/octoling idol position and has a few weapons a rick made him based off of splatoon/pokemon that he uses CONSTANTLY and will never go more than 5 feet away from him at all times

★ morgan can and will pull all of his family members into his hyperfixes/sp/ins. he will. hes done it with splatoon and pokemon . he will drag you in eventually/j

★ monster rick is really stoic/apathetic looking but really deeply cares for his family and he doesnt apply to the typical rick "idgaf about u haha fuck u u little pussyfart morty" /LHJ he tries his best to be a good grandpa and guardian even with his traumas and inner monster dealio

★ monster rick is always partially in monster form cus he thinks it looks cool, he also has a tooth gap between his front teeth

★ the mv87s do not know what sleep is. they constantly have eye bags except for sometimes summer because shes the most early bird of them all and she is very responsible

★ morgan is trans , i am heavily debating on making summer trans too. maybe. m a y b e.

miami headcanons

★ miami rick spoils the shit out of miami morty even though he wont admit it to anyone and if morty brings it up rick lectures him on the way home/lhj

★ MIMI FUCKING LOVES MONSTER HIFH AND YOU WONT BE ABLE TO PRY THAT HEADCANON OUT OF MY COLD DEAD HANDS

★ miami rick goes by he/she with close friends/family but he/him or he/they w anyone else

★ miami morty isnt as smart as rick but just about as powerful when it comes to strength and fighting smarts? not counting weapons and stuff

★ miami morty acts like an absolute angel around rick for the most part but is menacing as hell to people behind his back LMAO. oh and hes an absolute girlboss, a diva who could and would throw you out a window like an empty soda bottle

★ miami rick is very protective of morty in the way that if anyone makes him feel uncomfortable because of his outfit or if anyone hits on him or just any creepy things in general rick will hate crime them

★ miami morty likes to jokingly flirt but sometimes will accidentally do it with other mortys and go oh wait thats me oops. well its still funny

★ miami morty also has a habit of platonically kissing his friends on the cheek/head like you would a pet or something and then has to awkwardly explain its not romantic 😭😭 (some fanart relating to pcoket mortys gave me this idea actually)

★ miami rick lets morty paint his nails sometimes, begrudgingly but it makes morty really happy so he acts like he hates it to keep up appearances but likes seeing morty happy

★ MIAMI MORTY USES HIS LOLLIPOP AS A SORT OF ORAL STIM, morgan would probably get him something that wouldnt murder his teeth to have in his mouth n stim with

★ mimi he/any moment

AGH. OK. FINALLY DONE. there. this is all like months old please excuse that i mostly am involved in like sploon and pokemon since theyre sp/ins not just hyperfixes lol

[lostacelonnie]

Thank you! I kinda just. Realized i pay for all my own stuff & have for years so whats stopping me y'know. Oh we love to hear about the fall of far right leadership i hope that turns out well & you can get your eventual hrt as well. Oh yeah i never wear swimsuits to the beach typically. Always been with people i dont like or too many strangers for my liking. But i like to find seashells & stuff. Oh? English is such a weird language having a partner to learn from who's fluent is like. Required almost. So im glad you had one. I appreciate when people are chill as long as you try its nice & leaves room for mistakes that'll happen inevitably. Got confused for a moment & the concept of having a birthname you dont have listed in your bio lost me like. What do ya mean you had any different name what. Both mine are easy so i dont have that as a first name problem. Where is tromso? I wish you luck in that fall/winter trips are so nice. I especially love to go camping in them because less people so more space. Oh she just gets all the counters wow. Gonna have to focus on her a bit for sure. I dont know if i have enough for guaranteed kafka but i will probably try. Just to see what happens. If nothing else i hope bronya or welt come home for you. Fontaine is one of the regions im most interested in so ill stick through for it but i might squeeze a break in towards natlan honestly. Chasm was. A pain anyways i do not blame you for skipping it honestly. Thats an average day in warsaw? Wild. Ohhh that sounds like it was a blast please pass belated birthday wishes to avery for me. Hair dye is such a fun thing to do congrats on the red! I wanna dye mine again soon. Eyeliner is a thing i wanna teach myself to do too ive just been. Forgetting a lot

yeah thats very understandable!!! and thank you!! after a long time i finally feel at least a little hopeful ab this countrys future but well see. yeah i have the exact same thing but at the same time drying a lot of clothes is Annoying [esp on camps since thats the main place i actually go into the water on] so i often just put regular clothes over a swimsuit. win-win situation. seashells ARE fun to find but i always forget to bring sth to carry them sjdjflksjf plus its pretty hard to find actually nice ones, over here at least. YEAH god plus the way english is taught in polish schools does NOT help so honestly if i didnt have additional lessons i probably wouldnt have learned anything despite studying for a looooong time. and yeah its that way with almost anything isnt it. AH I DO THAT EXACT THING SO OFTEN i genuinely forget that people Have birthnames. or even names in general i just treat usernames as first names a lot of the time. tromso is the place in norway i was in!! pretty far up north but very charming. thank you!! ahhh i almost never go camping but perhaps One Day..... yeah clara has been my best friend ever since i got her. shes so fun to use. thankies and good luck to both of us!!! already got 106 pulls ready + the 9 more from the login event + 20 days left to grind so while i defo wont get enough for guarantee i think it might be possible for me to get her. honestly the region im most excited for is snezhnaya and thats gonna be the last one released iirc so. still a while until that happens. but at least when/if i come back im gonna have a lot of stuff to check out so thats fun. i unfortunately suffer from having to see everything thats new Immediately so i often speedrun new versions in 3 days and them im like....... What Now........ until the next update and then the cycle repeats. ah i should play more games that arent released this way. but yeah while the chasm was quite pretty imo and the story was. well. it wasnt STUNNING but it was fun. but the exploration aspect SUCKED good lord i hated how i could never quite tell if im in the region displayed on the map or below it. agh. glad thats over. and well yknow how it is with big cities, at least i live in a fairly peaceful part so we dont really have big stuff like that often. i will!! and thanks!! i agree hair dye IS very fun but unfortunately my hair texture makes it really hard for dye to stick so it washes off quickly :'] but alas. and yeah fair jdjfklg i have the same thing PLUS. its annoying i can never get it even

[idorukiss]

I've reread the myth and I am still set in my interpretation of things so enjoy my little amateur analysis of Lucid Dream w tons of screenshots below cause I spent way too much time on it xoxo (warning: its long) Caleb doesnt lose his memory with strong emotions, and him having amnesia was part of MCs chip-induced dream in attempt to come to terms with the reality that the Caleb from her past is indeed gone for good

Most importantly to start off with, he has a black hole inside of him at all times preventing the chip from accessing his brain. This is clearly stated at the very end of the myth. So there shouldnt be any way for him to lose his memories because of it- unless that black hole fails ofc and I think if thats ever the case it would be a BIG serious thing and not something that he would just recover from over time and regain his memories like seems to happen over the amusement park chapter the chip was attempting to do what it did to Kevi and rewrite the strong emotions that night, but it failed. He was even still himself after it 'succeeded' before passing out- remember with Kevi that the change was almost instant so in theory Caleb would be the same

i also wanna add that i believe calebs pain and subsequent passing out in that ch are due to the attack earlier not the removal of his memories. they were trying to destroy the chip for some reason and it was going haywire cause of it (maybe just his anger in general of us potentially getting caught in the crossfire getting too out of hand causing the rewrite program to try and start?) Plus im sure that fending off the rewrite takes a LOT of effort on his part

theres an argument to be made that its not a dream and just caleb potentially pretending to have amnesia, there are hints during the amusement park that that version of him knows something- outright mentioning the chip when you collapse is the biggest ofc But i feel like theres no reason for him to pretend, especially for as long as he did before MC collapses. Idk how much I believe this idea honestly I feel like itd still be more likely that he had actual amnesia, his memories started coming back, but he kept playing along cause shes having fun, than for him to pretend from the start

but i think its all a dream not only are things called a dream twice, but the world ending is also mentioned multiple times as well and i think thats her subconsciously knowing this ideal time with him wont last The world is the dream itself with the caleb she misses and has been in love with The fleet showing up is reality/her waking up She doesn't want to accept reality so she tries to run and keep the illusion going even for a moment longer

She knows the Caleb she grew up with is gone, that the one before her is a different person now Shes struggling to fully come to terms with this, its why she jumps at the chance to gaslight an amnesiac caleb in her dream to relive the past for even a short period of time

Another important detail that i think everyone misses is the fact that its fairly obvious when we drag the collapsed caleb back home we take him to his room, but when we 'wake up' after the vine dream we are in our own room After caleb collapses ontop of us after the chip attempts to wipe his memories, you can see that MCs eyes blink a little before it fades to black and the vine dream starts, so we obviously pass out there too I don't think she wouldve gotten up in the middle of the night and left his side on her own- i mean she reaches out for him as soon as shes awake and bolts out looking for him when hes not there. She still thinks shes in his bed with him But would an amnesiac caleb (dream or irl) take the time to move the unknown sleeping girl beside him into another room? That doesnt feel likely to me ngl. He mentions she was next to him when he woke up, but youd think he mention moving her too if that were the case Maybe if its Caleb pretending I could see that happen, but like I said prior idk if I believe that he'd pretend

And infold very much wouldn't make such a mistake when it comes to backgrounds especially in a Myth where every detail seems to be important- its an intention decision to have MC wake up in her own bed and not Calebs. I think from that moment on is her dreaming

And going back to an earlier screenshot once more real quick I personally think Caleb mentioning the chip at the very end of the amusement park right before MC passes out could be the dream blurring with reality as the fleet is closing in and shes waking up

That line is spoken by IRL caleb as he finds her passed out with the red mark of the chip on her arm potentially trying to activate and he rushes her to the base to get it dissolved where she finally wakes up in reality

The one thing im still not fully sure about is her potential memory loss as a result of the chip dissolving, while still remembering the dream. She very obviously doesn't remember how Caleb got the bite on his hand when she very much would have been awake in reality during that sequence which shows she did lose something (she even alludes to that herself) Could dreams not count as actual memories that would be affected? Did she perhaps struggle so hard against the chip in the dream that it was basically protected?? Maybe it really was just simply a partial memory loss and it just didnt reach her dreams???

And we can't forget the line "Dreams are meant to be dreams" near the end either! And the comparison of those 3 days with amnesia Caleb to the vine dream. Those days didn't happen in reality and they must die alongside the version of Caleb she used to know, no matter how painful it might be

in short- Lucid Dreams is about MC struggling to accept the reality that the Caleb she grew up with and loved is gone. That the person she now knows today is someone so different, with so many secrets that she struggles to see him as the same person She injects the chip in attempt to be closer to him- to be trusted to know more about him again and be by his side in a desperate attempt to cling at the best friend she knew like the back of her hand The fear of him losing his memories like Kevi- that he might lose ALL his memories from their lives together was so intense caused the chip to start to activate that night and she had the amusement park dream. Clinging to what little of the past she still can, convincing herself itll be fine they can still be together like before But you can't escape reality for long, and she has to accept the new Caleb in front of her. That dream and the Caleb of the past must stay in the past. Now she has to get to know him once more, and re-fall in love with the man shes been in denial of her feelings for for so long

-

And yea. I dont know how else to end off this silly analysis I did but thanks for coming to my ted talk! i personally dont subscribe to the whole "Caleb could lose his memory with intense emotions" hc but everyone has their own interpretations and its not like im not against it either! heck i could be very wrong in every aspect of my take

i really need to reread calebs myth ngl, sometimes i feel like i somehow got a WILDLY different interpretation of some things than everyone else based on posts i see like what do you mean he loses his memory when his emotions get too strong cause of the chip? does the end not establish he constantly has a blackhole in his body preventing the chip from accessing his brain? i thought the amnesia part was MCs chip induced dream (hence myth name) i finished reading that first time and 100% have been convinced everything from waking up to amnesiac caleb to her waking up in the hospital about to get her chip dissolved was a dream, one she doesnt realize is a dream ofc cause she thinks caleb remembers it too

[ndoandou]

🎹A Lonely Steamy Night🎹

Pairing: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart x F!MC

Warning: rated 18, GARBAGE ENGLISH

Contents: masturbation, vaginal sex, creampie, love making

@kbiscuits here you go dear!

It was night time. MC was in her bedroom, laying down under her cozy sheets. Her lover, mozart was busy composing. He had been busy for a few days and MC was getting real lonely.

She wanted to give mozart some space so he could concentrate better on his composition, in fact it was MCs idea to stay away from him. Now shes regretting that decision because she missed him a lot emotionally and.. sexually.

Just thinking about those steamy nights made her body heat up, her nether regions especially.

"Hngh.." MC moaned silently as her thoughts became wild. She couldnt ignore her thoughts anymore.

She trailed her hands into her underwear, touching her slit, feeling her wetness againsts her fingers...

.

.

Meanwhile in mozart's room...

Mozart slammed his quill furiously as he crumpled up the music sheet he was composing on.

He exhaled sharply as he gazed down towards his tight pants. His member had been buldging furiously against his pants for a while and it had distracted him awfully. Instead of music flowing throught his mind, it was his desire and longing for MC. He understood that MC wanted to give him his own space for his own sake, but he couldnt carry on like this.

As much as he wanted to see MC, he figured that she would be asleep at this time

Mozart glanced once more onto his raging member, constricted in his pants. Frustration was painted on his face.

"Damn it, guess i have no choice" mozart muttered under his breath, annoyed.

He unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants, allowing his throbbing member to spring out. He was clearly energetic down there as precum was already leaking. He snaked his hand towards tip masaging it gently as he thought of his sweetheart MC.

"Mmh.." mozart groaned lowly, feeling the pleassure build up in his nether regions

He started pumping his member gently, imagining that he was making endless love to MC.

Once he had enough of the gentle strokes, he fasten his pace, feeling his release coming closer than expected. His fantasies grew wilder and wilder every second.

"Ngh..!" Mozart groaned out as he released violently onto the palm of his left hand.

He was panting a bit as he released fairly hard, due to not doing it with MC for a few days. He stared at his now soiled hand and exhaled shamefully. He felt wrong touching himself to the thought of her for some reason.

Mozart quickly cleaned off his hand with a hankerchief and tossed it into his washing.

"Maybe a cup of coffee will fix things.." mozart mumbled, fixing himself up and walked out of his room.

.

.

Mozart had fixed himself a cup of coffee and proceeded on going back to her room when he heard strange noises coming from MC's room

"Ngh..haaa.. mozart.."

Mozart froze in his tracks almost dropping his cup of coffee

"Is she.." mozart thought to himself as his cheeks slowly grew red, which soon was replaced by a shy smirk.

He placed his coffee down on the vase table, knocking onto MC's door

"*knock* MC..?" Mozart knocked and called her name, pretending to not know what she was doing

This of course, scared the living hell out of mc causing her to almost jolt out of bed

"Y-yes?!" MC yelped, trying to tidy herself up quickly, hiding the fact that she was doing.. things

"May i come in meine liebe?" He asked sweetly, trying to hide his playfull tone

"O-okay.." MC said as she clutched her blankets

Mozart opened the door and closed it behind him. He slowly approached MC who clearly looked as if she was hiding something. He sat on her bed. His gentle smile twisted into a playfull smirk

"I heard what you were doing schatzi.." mozart said playfully causing mc to gasp in embarrasment

"Why didnt you tell me that you needed me that much..?" Mozart asked as he got closer to her, slowly traling his hand onto MC's face, cupping it.

"B-but i felt bad for bothering you.." MC admitted shyly

"Dont worry about it, even i was left alone with my thoughts and well.. i acted on those thoughts" mozart said still with a playful tone but with a pink tint on his cheeks

MC understood what he meant causing her face to burst red.

"Heh.." mozart chuckled softly as he leaned towards MC's lips giving it a deep kiss, tongues dancing against each other.

His once soft member had started throbbing violently againsts his pants again just from teasing his lover.

"Ngh..!" Mc moaned into his mouth. Mozart slowly pushed her down onto the bed, straddling her without breaking the kiss.

If MC was moist earlier, at this point she was dripping wet, especially feeling his lover's buldge against her thigh.

Eventually they broke the kiss with a trail of saliva connected to their lips. Mozart gave MC a quick peck on her neck earning a tiny moan from her.

His hands trailed from her delicate face towards her breast. He gave her breasts a gentle massage, occasionally squeezing her erected nipples through her thin night gown

"A-ah..!" MC moaned out slightly feeling her breasts being stimulated. She could also feel her lover's member start to throb violently againsts her thigh.

MC didnt want to be the only one stimulated, so she decided to do something daring. She reached her hands towards his throbbing bulge, stroking it through his pants.

"Mmh..!" Mozart moaned out which he quickly put a hand to cover his mouth.

MC smiled shyly when she saw his reaction

"Let me make you feel good too.." MC said with a blush on her face

His heart skipped a beat, hearing his partner say such thing with a cute voice.

"Do you realize how cute you are being right now..?" Mozart whispered into her ear and gave it a nibble, causing MC to jolt. he unbuttoned his collar, "i dont think i can wait any longer meine liebe.." he continued with a husky voice

"Me neither.." MC admitted softly as she unbuttoned mozart's pants letting his member spring out. She gave the head a light massage feeling him twitch against her fingers

"Hah.. eager aren't we?" Mozart panted out with a playful smirk

Mozart brought his left hand down towards her lower parts. He pushed her panties to the side giving him a clear view of her drenched heat.

"Heh.. were u this.. mm.. wet when you were touching yourself earlier" mozart asked MC teasingly as he glider his thumb up and down her drenched slit causing her to buck her hips against his thumb.

"Ngh..! I..mm dont think so.." MC said as she choked back a moan, still touching his member which was now leaking with precum.

Mozart wanted to tease MC more

"So tell me.. what were you imagining..?" Mozart asked, teasing her

MC blushed and looked away, biting her lips in embarrasment

"W-well.. i imagined y-you kissing me and...." MC struggled to speak as she was too embarrased. She covered her face with her free hand

"Hehe.. dont worry MC, i was just mmh.. teasing you" mozart said as he chuckled, giving his embarrased lover a gentle peck on her cheek.

He gestured MC to pull her hand away from his member and scooted closer. He slowly peeled of MC's panties off and nudged his member againsts her entrance

"Do you want to know what i imagined meine liebe?" Mozart whispered into her ear, gliding his member up and down MC's slit, making sure to brush against her clitoris, earning soft moans from her. "I imagined burrying myself deep inside you, making endless love to you.." he continued with a seductive tone, slowly pushing himself inside of MC's wet heat. The way his member stretched her and the way MC's core tightened around him caused them both to moan out loudly. He used to restrict his own noises in the past. It took him a while to finally be able to make more noises in bed.

"Haah.. MC..." he moaned out into her ear "would you hah.. want me to go gentle or rough..?" He asked softly into her ear

"Hngh..please go rough mmm.. on me wolfie" MC said lewdly, causing mozart to tense up

"I would have find it hard to go gentle on you meine liebe.. especially after calling me by my first name" he said as he exhaled, feeling his desire building up

He started off with a slow yet fierce thrust, gradually picking up pace. He made sure to hit her sweet spot. Every thrust earned a loud moan from MC as she could feel him deep inside of her.

The pleasure they both felt was unreal. It always had felt unreal whenever they did it, but this time was beyond unreal, after not doing it together for a few days.

The way their sexes joined together with a slap, caused them both to make more noises when ever they were joined together. Moans and grunts filled up the room with the wet noises their sexes made. They didn't want this blissfull moment to end which is why mozart slowed his pace down.

"Wolfie..?" MC asked curiously as his lover thrusted into her slower than before

"Sorry MC.. i dont think i would have last long enough if i kept thrusting like that..i also want to make this moment more intimate for the two of us.." mozart admitted shyly

She found this side of him really adorable, which then she threw her arms around Mozart's neck. This sudden gesture surprised Mozart.

"I love you wolfie.." MC whispered

"I love you too meine engel.." mozart said as his face bursted red, from MC's cuteness

They took a moment to stare into eachothers eyes, sexes still connected to each other. The way mozart's amethyst orbs glimmered with love and passion made MC's heart flutter.

Their lips slowly connected unconciouslly, drowned in love and pleassure. Their soft lips gently pecking each other, feeling each others warm breath.

Their gentle kisses became heated and passionate, their toungues once again interwining. Unconciously, Mozart had pick up the pace, hammering himself roughly into MC , along side with the passionate kissing. Their moans were muffled into each others kiss.

"Im sorry liebe... i *grunt* wont last any longer.. may i finish inside of you?" Mozart asked sweetly, panting as he pulled away from the kiss.

"Ah..! Please do.. i love you wolfie..." MC said as she felt the knot in her nether regions start to snap.

Just the phrase " i love you wolfie" drove him feral. At this rate he was drilling into her heat with no mercy, causing loud moans and cries to erupt for MC's swolen lips. Mozart on the other hand was growling into her neck feeling himself lose control.

"K-Kiss me!" MC moaned out as she wrapped her legs onto his waist, which Mozart immideatly started kissing her roughly.

They both released, a scream of pleassure escaping from MC's mouth, feeling herself tremble at the sensation of her orgasm. Mozart had pushed himself deeply. He released deep inside of her, painting her insides white as he moaned loudly into her mouth.

They pulled away from the kiss with a wet sound, both panting as they recovered from their mind blowing ecstacy.

"Sorry if i was too rough on you mc" mozart said appolegetically as he pulled out from her core.

"Dont worry about it wolfie.." MC said as he pulled him into a sudden tight hug

.

.

.

Arthur walked down the halls with a cup of coffee in his hand, when he spotted a cup full of cold coffee resting on the vase table.

"By jove, who left their untouched coffee here?" He asked himself.

Thats when he heard questionable noises come from MC's room.

"My, my, seems like wolf abandoned his coffee for his dear MC" arthur said walking away as he chuckled.

.

.

.

AAAAA this one isn't my best work but i tried ;-; sorrtcif some parts here sounded awkward 😭

[duketectivecomics]

You might've answered this already and I just didn't find it, but one thing that always perplexed me about Duke was how old he was in comparison to the other Batkids. It's obvious he's younger than Dick and Babs, and I pretty sure he's younger than Jason and Cass, and older than Damian, but I cannot tell if he's meant to be Tim and Steph's ages, younger, or older. Could you help me?

You’re all kinds of good here, anon!!! I answered a similar ask abt the Order of Adoption but didn’t dive into specific ages on that post BECAUSE well they didn’t ask lmaooo but ALSO:

Comic ages are very fluid usually! While Years™️ might pass in the canon proper, or while time seems to slow to a crawl, having a character’s age outright stated is something that occurs very rarely for most characters, if at all!

Because it’s always much easier to have a floating age range to work and play around in! It’s easier to keep a character Perpetually 12 or 16 or 25 or mid-40s or- you get the idea. SO, with that in mind. Let’s do our Best to Break Down What Age Duke Might Be Currently A N D how it might interact with the Other Batkids!

(Warning for a Very Long Post, lots of issue citations, and a LOT of comics terminology regarding specific runs/events/continunity. I’m gonna try to keep it as clear/concise as possible ofc but plz keep these things in mind! If you’re not at least marginally familiar with Bat-Comics, you might find yourself feeling a little lost here!)

So from the Zero Year arc we see a common Trend that plays out pretty consistently with Batfam comics: a Life-Changing Event Occuring while the protag is Young™️.

(Batman (2011) #30)

With how Duke is drawn in these particular issues, and given the trends of the past, I’d place him in the 8-12 range. The historic precedent being ofc that that is the same range that canon usually places both Bruce and Dick at for their Tragedies™; the more benign reason being that he... just very much Looks to be drawn in that Range. He’s very clearly an Older/Prepubescent child here.

Fast Forward to his Next Appearance in the Endgame arc and-

(Batman (2011) #37)

He’s definitely older! He’s wiser! And he’s giving Batman a fistbump lmao. Again, no strict age given here BUT, since they condensed each Robin to a Year or Two tops with Bruce (its n52 and its fucked up is what it is), we can assume it’s been at least 4-5 since Zero Year (which would mean if we go off the age range I proposed for that year, then theoretically he could be anywhere from 12-16 here, and I think that tracks pretty well. Not Perfectly and Certainly Not so well with Pre52 continuity ofc, but I’ll talk about that later!)

In We Are Robin, while its not stated Directly In The Text, it IS given as an Informational Tidbit that Duke is 16 (specifically this can be found at the end of issue #4)! (Sweet sweet canon confirmation FINALLY)

We know that WAR takes place Fairly Soon after Endgame (almost immediately, give or take a month or two given that Duke’s been placed in a few foster homes at this point and has racked up Quite A File) now, again id like to remind y’all that while this is a NICE starting point to have, keep in mind that comics are fluid and this may be retconned slightly/ignored in later stories bc Keeping Duke 16-ish is in DC’s Best Interest at the moment. (Having Relatable Teen Characters afterall is a Good Marketing strategy™️. And the longer they can Keep them Young, the Better)

With that in mind let’s take a moment to Highlight the fact that Duke and Damian have crossed paths at this point AND the storylines that have occurred during this year that were meant to be in conjunction with one another!

Because Prior to Endgame, Damian had Died! And just a year (in real, meat-space time) before We Are Robin, he was resurrected and had begun his “Year of Atonement” in the Robin: Son of Batman maxiseries. Midway through both this series and WAR (and, we can assume, midway thru this “Year” for Damian) the Robin War begins/ends and we see at least one major Moment between these two boys who will soon call one another brothers:

(Robin War #2)

Given that R:SoB is followed up VERY quickly by Teen Titans Rebirth (in which Damian celebrates his 13th birthday), we can conclude that Damian would be 12 during this time (well, 12 and 1/2 to play it safe lmao). That being said, this Confirms about a 4yr gap between Duke and Damian! (One Batkid down at least! but he’s the key to the others so put a pin in him!)

As We Are Robin draws to its conclusion, DC was releasing another arc that would eventually flow into the Rebirth Era, by the end of which, Bruce would approach Duke with an Idea (which involves Bruce becoming Dukes temporary guardian & as he states Many Times “Trying Something New” with Duke).

And thus the Rebirth Era begins, and Duke began his Year of training (most directly encapsulated by the Cursed Wheel arc in the All-Star Batman run:

(All-Star Batman #1 (back-up story))

Bruce introduces Duke to a training regimen that Alfred has named “the Cursed Wheel”. It encompasses all the training Bruce and the other bats have undergone and condenses it down into color-coordinated segments that will take Duke a Year to Complete.

It can be assumed that by the End of this Year Duke will somehow miraculously still be 16, despite, again, an entire ass year passing.

There’s one story that takes place mid-year in All-Star Batman, and the Cursed Wheel is meant to be capped off by Duke’s first Official Day as the Signal (in the titular Batman & the Signal ofc) BUT, near as I can tell after this story, Dukes age is not brought up again. So until they DO bring it up either in Batman & the Outsiders or whatever future run Duke becomes involved in, we can assume DC will be working with the idea that he’s meant to be in that 16-18 range from here on out (ie still a minor).

But, dear anon, you might be saying “okay, that’s cool, but how does that relate to my question abt how he falls in with the other Bats?” You’ll have to be a little patient with me here, but I think I may have cracked the code!

Keep in mind I’m gonna be addressing both the Post-Crisis to Flashpoint Continuity (ie mid-80s to 2010 in comics history) and the N52-slash-Rebirth Era (2010-Today). Its generally agreed by fandom and DC alike that these points of rebooting &/or Major Events constitute the era of “Modern” comics, and that everything from the 80s-on might more or less be canon on some level, even if not All of it is.

(Plus, most of fandom usually likes to borrow elements from both eras and much more rarely from stories before it, SO-)

Lets do a quick rundown of how everyone who’s Closer to Duke’s Age, Relates to each other first, age-wise:

Given that Jason was 15 when he died, in A Lonely Place of Dying its established that Bruce had become increasingly reckless since his death, and by the end of the story, Tim has stepped in to fill Robin’s shoes (he states that he’s 13 during this story btw). Pretty soon after, Stephanie Brown is introduced & established to be about a year older than Tim (wish I could pin-point a specific issue BUT, i unfortunately haven’t read any Tim OR Steph-involved comics that predate No Man’s Land... Besides the aforementioned Lonely Place and Young Justice technically, but im working on remedying that soon!)

NOW, during the No Man’s Land event, Cassandra is introduced, and pretty soon into her Batgirl run, its revealed that she’s around the same age as Jason (or at least how old he Would Have Been, had he not died.) Now, given that Jay has an August bday and Cass has a January one, fandom sometimes likes to play around with the idea of one being older than the other (OR even speculating/placing them in an AU as twins/siblings, given that Lady Shiva (Cass’ mom) was a Possible Candidate to be Jason’s biological mother but that’s a Whole Other Thing i wont get into here.)

The point being, Cass, in this era of comics, IS slightly older than Tim and Steph. At Tim’s start as Robin, their ages could either line up like: Tim-13, Steph-14, Cass-15 (being a few months ‘behind’ Jay), then Jason at 15/16 (depending on how soon Tim filled the role after Jay died in April) OR Jason-15/16, Cass-16/17 (in this case she’d be a few months ‘ahead’ now instead)

So brief detour to talk New 52, however! Because Tim, Steph & Cass all got switched around from where DC originally left them prior to the reboot! Now I haven’t read much of them in this era, other than Batman & Robin: Eternal, so my Understanding of their current ages is Spotty at Best. The general consensus seems to be that while before N52, Stephanie had been attending her first year of College (& doing VERY WELL i might add), with the reboot she was set back a few years alongside Tim to a vague Late-Teen state (so 16-18-ish, instead of a Very Clearly Established 18/19). Cass is probably the worst off for this reboot, given that B&R:E basically constitutes her new origin for the new continuity, and does nothing to confirm her age (all I really know is that she’s a Vague Late-Teen too... Probably? Maybe?), given how much they infantilize her, and subsequently how fandom in turn has taken to infantilizing her too, theres a semi-popular fanon that places her Younger that Tim and Steph. And I, for one, propose that we ignore that bc its Weak Sauce my dudes.

Some fans chose to ignore N52 continuity due to this vagueness, and will stick to the ages established before the N52/Rebirth reboots. But its something to keep in mind regardless bc we’re all obviously going to pull from what’s most familiar to us!

But WHERE could we place Duke with regards to them, then? Because them being “Late Teens” is certainly much too vague to work with!

This is Where Damian is the key!

Because Damian is one of those rare exceptions to the Reboot Rule. His story flowed almost seamlessly over from before to after. While he was made a Robin at the age of 10, he continued to grow and learn even after the universe was being rewritten to suit the whims of DC editorial. 

If we choose to ignore how everyone else’s ages and origins were swapped around, and stick with the growth that was presented before the reboot, then we can draw some interesting conclusions!

Firstly, though Stephanie also had Died and subsequently Returned, she hadn’t lost much, if any time, from the Ordeal. At the start of her Batgirl run, she is enrolled at a Gotham university and making headway with a more firm foot in the Batfamily (even to the point that she and Damian spend a few issues bonding. At this point in time, Damian is definitely 11, and again, Steph can be assumed to be 18/19 during the course of her run. We’ll assume 18 for clarity’s sake.)

So, then when Damian is 11, now our line up is as Follows:

Dami - 11, Steph - 18, Tim - 17, Cass 19-21 (the range depending again, if you subscribe to Cass being either older/younger than Jason).

WHICH MEANS, If during Robin War Damian is 12 (and a half) THEN We’ve got an age line-up that Potentially looks Like This:

Dami -12(and 1/2), Duke - 16, Tim - 18, Steph - 19, Cass - 20-22 (And Obvsly Jason, Babs & Dick at their varying Older Ages than everyone here)

and im just now realizing i Didnt include Harper in this line-up, but thats bc she’d also throw a big wrench in all this.  I’d personally throw her in with being Steph’s age, but I’m pretty sure she was supposed to be either that, or between Steph and Cass (again, since its N52, i believe Cass was/is assumed to be Younger than Steph, but that contradicts the assumed following of pre52 canon that we have for the above line-up, obvsly, and so we ignore that lmao) 

All this to say, however, that canon and fandom is what you make of it, and if you want to wiggle these ages around a little, you’re more than allowed! God Knows i usually like to skew the Tim-Steph-Cass age group to be a tad older than this in my own fic writing, and I like to have Duke start as a Robin at 14/15 instead of 16, but that’s just bc I like the dynamic potential it could bring with them being Definitively Older that him, and thus in a more secure place to be Mentoring him right alongside Bruce & the others.

But you might see these age ranges and want to do something Different (say, making Tim, Steph, Cass, & Duke all the Same Age at 17 instead! And that very well tracks with how current comics kinda looks right now!) and you’re absolutely valid to do so! Because again, comic character’s ages are meant to be fluid, not fixed!

And at the end of the day, its all about wanting to see these teen heroes kick serious ass haha

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[quirklessidiot]

Title: dreary [a miya osamu birthday special] Pairing: gn!reader x miya osamu Genre: mild angst, fluff, drama, age-up!osamu and reader

Synopsis: in which a famous author sees the world in a greyscale but the moment he enters it, he splashes colors onto their dull and dreary world.

Notes: 

will this be a series???? idk probably ksksksks but yeah happy osamu and atsumu day since we have the coward series already, its only respectful that i make a story for osamu because he deserves the love too on this special day (or because im just well, you know a miya simp hA)

ALSO ITS CANON I THINK THAT OSAMUS GOT GREY EYES IDK KSKSKohwellKSKSKD

Warnings: language, smoking, and Y/N being a problematic and arrogant asshole

masterlist

People often wonder how novels come to be, how writers are able to sow a bunch of words together and create such masterpieces. How they’re able to make the hearts of their readers tug or ponder in deep thought, how they’re able to gather a group of individuals and create a passion together. 

You were one of the general census now.

Here you were, in the middle of a messy room, the smell of smoke and black coffee lingering the air as you laid on your couch with papers crumpled on each side and pens strewn across your living room. 

“What the hell?”

You’re immediately greeted by a harsh light without warning, you immediately mumble a bunch of curses underneath your breath, “What the fuck, Mikoto?” you growled, shutting your eyes and covering it with a pillow.

“When you said you wanted to take a vacation at Hyogo I didn’t expect you to be pigging around!” Your agent exclaimed, his fiery red hair mirrored his volatile personality, just like you, he had a temper and everyone did say you can never fight fire with fire. It’s a miracle he put up with you.

You immediately flipped him off, “You better hope I don’t minus that on your paycheck, fucker.” you grumbled beneath the pillow, “Now close the lights, I’m tryna concentrate!”

“Concentrate on what exactly? I gave you two weeks, Y/N.”

“I’m doing it.”

“It’s been two months!” He half-yelled, “You haven’t been out for promotions in two years and you haven’t released a book in the three years, you’re going to be washed up at this point!”

You immediately remove the pillow from your face and stare at your agent, “Washed up? People still buy my books!” You retort.

“Your sales are going down, Y/N.” He placed a envelope in front of you, “You might not even be relevant at the end-”

You immediately grab the files and toss it to the side, it’s contents spilling out, “I have enough money to live a comfortable life.” You clenched your hands tight, what a joke, you paid this man to work for you. Why was he calling you out like he was your father or something? Even your father didn’t call you out this way.

“That’s not the point-”

You ignore him as you place another cigarette in between your lips, “Then what is the point? I pay you to manage my contracts and shit, what I do on my down time is none of your business.” you cut him off.

“If you’d stop being an ass for a moment-”

“You can leave, you know your way out.” You cut him off once again, completely tired of his bullshit despite him just getting here, “Now.”

Mikoto narrows his eyes, “The higher ups are giving you another month, if you can’t give them a draft, they’re letting you go.”

You run your hands through your dry and frizzy hair, still ignoring him. As you hear the door shut, you puff the smoke your of your system and stare at the blank sheets of papers and your battery dead laptop, “What a fuckin’ joke.” you mumble, crushing the cigar on the expensive mahogany table. You slowly shuffle towards the kitchen, wanting to prepare yourself an instant meal yet when you notice that your pantry and ref is empty and that your local delivery doesn’t seem to be available, you’re more annoyed as the moments past.

“What kind of fucking restaurants are these?” you scowled, staring at your phone, you hated going out. The sun was too bright, there would be people around and you hated being a few feet away from any living creature since their breathing patterns annoyed the fuck out of you. You could wait until-

You stop on your footsteps when you hear your stomach growling, “Ah shit.” you cursed, “Really?”

Grabbing the cleanest jacket and pair of darkest shades, you decided that you might as well grab some take-out and get out to find something to eat. Not even bothering to comb the frizzes of your hair or splash some water on your face, you walk down the street with your hood up and shades on. It wasn’t sunny as you recalled, maybe it had been two months already.

It was getting kind of cold compared to the last time you went out.

You stop at the first restaurant you come across, onigiri miya. Sounds interesting, might as well grab a bite since it wasn’t a rush hour here and you didn’t want to walk anymore farther. Opening the shop’s door, you're greeted by Japanese interior and the smell of onigiri and some sauce you can’t seem to point out, “Welcome to Onigiri Miya, why don’t ya grab a seat and I’ll be with you in a moment?” someone calls out.

You nod at the woman as you sit nearest to the exit and stare at the variety of onigiri’s the place has to offer. You never knew such flavors even existed to begin with.

Man, the owner must really love onigiri’s huh?

“Ya ready to order?”

Your thoughts are cut short as you hear a voice, you seem to notice that the woman’s voice is deeper this time and the accent of a local is more evident, odd. Looking up from the menu to tell her your order, you're thrown off guard by a pair of friendly grey eyes staring right at you and it was definitely not the woman from earlier.

He was fairly good-looking with a good build, indicating that he kept his life healthy and unlike you, this one seemed to have his life in order by his clean and pristine appearance, “Fatty tuna onigiri’s please. Five pieces.” you simply say, squinting your eyes behind your dark shades. 

“Would you like anything to drink with that? Sides?”

“No.” You simply replied, you were still staring at him, completely enamored by his presence. He reminded you of something, better yet, he reminded you of a weird feeling. You slowly tap your fingertips on the table, eyes still glazing on him as he said that he’ll be back soon with your order. He didn’t seem to notice your open gaze on him.

Grey eyes.

A mysterious and happy smile.

The tapping on the table turns rhythmic as words slowly start to form in your head and before you know it, you're standing up and asking the nearby woman for a pen and a napkin. The woman looks at you in an odd manner but nevertheless she complies, you hurriedly start to scribble on the paper the first few sentences of what seemed to be the novel that you’ve been desperately trying to write these past two years.

Placing some money on the table for the meal that hasn’t arrived, you immediately run outside and back to your apartment, ignoring the woman behind you and the calls of the waiter who had struck an unfamiliar yet at the same time a familiar chord within you.

The world that was once void of color and inspiration seemed to be overflowing, all because of those grey eyes.

taglist wont be open for this one since im not sure if i should even continue this.

[inklingofadream]

Regarding your plot bunnies, litarly any of your time traveling daisy stuff sounds like loads of fun, but maybe the gang of feral kids, as a specific one

In response to this lovely ask, a small detail from the feral kids au:

daisy peaces out on her family within a year of ending up in the past, because 13-14 is like almost enough to pass as old enough to work (...that’s 15 here in the states, hopefully it’s the same in the UK. whichever, she probably has at least some idea of where she might find someone willing to hire her under the table from her cop days)

baby daisy heads to london, and decides to get gerry to join her fairly immediately. possibly she starts plotting mary’s death, and then as soon as she enacts it (and gets poor gerry on side lol) the $ and living situation problem is solved bc bookshop + access to Mary’s bank accounts. (mary in this au is also immortal, only instead of being tied to the book its in the sense that they never report the death and she’s remains a legal pretense until at least gerry’s old enough to live on his own and inherit legally)

pretty much everyone else but jon and martin i see as having fairly chill and happy childhoods. so the stokers and the girls mostly end up looped into the gang and hang around the bookshop after school and on weekends, but stay with their parents (until involvement with them leads something nasty to at least one set of parents. everyone thinks it was an unfortunate coincidence except daisy and maybe gerry, who feel deeply guilty). daisy was gonna leave em all alone except basira, but decided jon and martin needed friends

martin is almost as easy to recruit as gerry. it takes long enough to get around to him that his dad’s been gone for at least a year or two, and he’s starting to realize deep down that his mum’s never gonna care about him the way he cares about her, even if he’s not going to come close to admitting it until he’s an adult. daisy and gerry use the money from mary to get martin’s mum into a decent care home- bc even if adult martin was reluctant, kid martin who’s only been at it for a little bit definitely gets that he’s not currently equipped to care for her- and martin gets “lost” in the shuffle, ie relocated to morden. he’s like 10, so he doesn’t quite realize a) that daisy and gerry are not Adults or b) this is Not how foster care works At All. by the time he does, he’ll be too happy and well established with the gang to care. daisy convinced gerry on the grounds that someone should take care of this Small Child, and is v embarrassed when it turns out Martin’s better at cooking than any of them and claims the kitchen for his own.

jon is the first addition post-mary dying, and the hardest sell to gerry. daisy just kinda turned up as another kid who knows all about the entities and wouldn’t share her backstory, so gerry accepted that she had some messed up stuff she was fleeing and grudgingly accepted her presence and friendship. daisy waits a bit until mary’s dead, the bookshop is childproofed (gerry thinks they’re just selling and destroying leitners, but they’re childproofing) and she’s sure they’re not gonna get imminently caught or run out of money. and then she just Straight Up Kidnaps jon. he’s not even from the london area. daisy goes out for the day, as is her wont, and returns with a Crying Child.

gerry: where did he come from??? (assuming she like. found him homeless somewhere and he can sell her on dropping him off somewhere that’ll get him into non-spooky foster care with adults)

jon, sobbing: Bournemouth

gerry: what were you doing in Bournemouth???

daisy: getting jon

jon: i wanna go home!

“jon had an encounter with a leitner” is not enough to sell gerry on the whole situation. he and daisy have a big extended fight over it, and it takes ages to get jon to stop running away. he’s not really happy and secure with them until after Numerous Others have joined the gang willingly and join team “what the hell daisy??” and promise they’ll help him leave if he wants (they outnumber her now!) but most of the child/teen jon kidnapping variants end with his grandmother dying early of stress (im sorry maam but ur inconvenient) and so he can stay with his friends or go into care, and jon chooses his friends

when they finally go after jonah he has even less idea whats happening than in my other daisy time travel aus

[shhh-no-ones-home]

december 18 - chris motionless

title: die hard for the holidays

++++

prompt: Person A has secret feelings for person B. person B has secret feelings for person A. one of them suggests having dinner together for the holidays since neither of them will be spending time with their families and all their other friends are busy

request from: @svintsandghosts

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee @thisplace-ishaunted @lifeisabitchandsoareyou 

@xyours-eternallyx @joeynihil 

++++

i looked over his newest Instagram post and sighed. god was i that desperate? simping over my best friend? of course i was, but we'd known each other long enough that i knew nothing would ever come of it. when my phone dinged it almost startled me, prompting me to look up at the new text notification. it was my mother. i sighed, opening it and reading it.

"dads sick, doctor says its viral so we wont be able to do Christmas this year. i hope you and your siblings can get together to do something else but if not that's okay. we both hope you have a blessed Christmas anyway and will be mailing gifts out in the next week. love you."

i hummed to myself before answering her.

"hope dad gets better soon and send him my best. i don't see any of them making plans to get together but i guess we'll see. ill mail gifts too if you're okay with that and hopefully ill see you in the new year. love you both."

i closed my phone and set it upside down on my chest, rubbing my hands over my face.

"so much for getting out of the house."

i said to myself. then my phone dinged again, making me roll my eyes in annoyance. to my surprise though it was a text from Chris.

"mom cancelled Christmas this year cause they won a cruise lol. you doing anything?"

i sat up abruptly and typed back.

"my dads sick so mine was cancelled too. when and where do you want me? lol"

i waited patiently for a second before seeing a new message.

"hope he gets better soon. but how about Christmas eve, dinner at my place?"

i nodded quickly to myself.

"ill be there."

---

when the day finally came i wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. we'd hung out millions of times but this was the first time we'd be together for Christmas alone. usually we all had a party with the band and other friends but that was pushed to new years. lets just say i was beyond nervous. plus he told me to dress nice, whatever that meant. no matter what it meant to him, here i was stood in front of my full body mirror, looking over the sparkling blue velvet dress i had on.

"this is too fancy."

i said, moving to my closet. as i started flipping through things i heard my phone buzz. it was Chris.

"you on your way?"

i looked to the time. shit, it was almost six.

"getting my shoes on now. ill be there in fifteen."

i replied. so much for changing. i grabbed a Christmas jumper and pajama pants just in case and shoved them in a bag, pulling my heels on and running out the door. the car ride was fairly quiet, apart from the light Christmas music playing through the radio and my complains about the snow. i wish i would've known it was supposed to snow but it was a little late for that i guess.

as i pulled into his apartment complex parking lot i could see his Christmas tree through the open window. it looked nice, covered in colorful lights and shiny ornaments. i got out of my car and walked quickly across the lot and up the stairs to the second floor, knocking on his door and shivering as the snow flew around me. when he opened the door he offered a wide smile.

"hey! how's it going?"

he asked as he pulled me in for a hug. i breathed in deeply, trying to warm up.

"I'm good, and you?"

i asked as he let me into his apartment. i still felt over dressed, even seeing him in his button down and tie, the two peaking out from under his sweater.

"oh ya know, same old same old. i hope you're hungry, cause dinners about ready."

he said excited and i laughed.

"you know me, never not hungry."

i said and he sent me a knowing look.

"how about you go sit, and ill bring it out."

he said, motioning to the made up table. i nodded.

"you sure you dont want help with anything?"

i asked and he shook his head.

"of course not, you get to be the guest this time, now go relax."

he instructed.

"okay, okay, im going."

i said as he pointed, a demanding look on his face.

---

after dinner we both worked on dishes and things before moving to the couch, the lights all out except the tree as he looked for a movie to watch.

"im glad we could get together for this."

he said, clicking the remote and i smiled.

"you and me both. i think this is the first year i would've been alone since moving out of my parents place."

he laughed a little bit.

"you and me both. even when im not home i still usually have the band to be with."

i nodded solemnly.

"speaking of which, how are they all doing? i feel like i haven't talked to any of them in a while."

i said and he shrugged.

"theyre as good as they always are, keeping busy thats for sure. but youll get to see them for new year."

he mentioned and i nodded.

"yeah i guess so."

it was quiet for a moment, and i looked over him, his focus still on the tv.

"got any suggestions?"

he asked and i hummed.

"uh, no, not really."

i said bashfully, catching his eye when he turned his head with a frown. i guess i wasnt exactly making it subtle that i was staring at him huh? oh well.

"how about die hard?"

he asked and i laughed.

"oh yeah, a christmas classic."

i said sarcastically as he clicked on it.

"you know it."

he said, setting the remote on the coffee table, settling back into the couch. i thought for a second before slipping my arm into his and resting my head on his shoulder.

"you cold?"

he asked and i nodded, looking up as he pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and down over me.

"thanks."

i said, getting comfortable against him again. we sat like that for most of the movie, until i heard him yawn, then he moved to rest his head against mine. i smiled to myself, sliding my hand slowly into his as it rested against my knee. when the movie finally ended neither of us moved.

"ya know, it looks pretty bad out there, maybe you should stay."

he said, never once looking away from the tv. i could feel a small smile making its way to my lips as we sat there cuddled together on the couch.

"you sure? i wouldnt want to be an inconvenience."

i said, feeling his head lift off mine and prompting me to look at him. he squeezed my hand.

"you're never an inconvenience. and besides i wouldnt want you to get stuck in the snow or anything."

i smiled at him.

"i guess i cant argue with that logic, huh."

i confirmed and he nodded his head once.

"great, we can watch another movie then and then go to bed together."

he said, freezing for a second.

"i mean, uh, not together together. but, like, uh-"

he said, flustered, tripping over his words. i pressed a finger to his lips gently.

"its okay chris. i get what you mean."

i said and he sighed.

"fuck it, i did mean together."

he said, slipping his hand out of mine and bring it up to cup my face. he pushed forward and kissed me fervently. a thousand things rushed through my brain at once as i melted into his touch but at the moment none of them mattered. all that mattered was that he felt the same. when he pulled away i didnt open my eyes just yet, sitting there trying to engrave into my memory exactly what he felt and tasted like. when i opened my eyes he was staring down at me, his lips sucked in like he messed something up.

"wow."

i said softly, laughing a little bit.

"im sorry, i shouldn't have done that."

he said, looking down. i shook my head.

"like hell."

i said, making him look to me in shock. i grabbed his face and kissed him again, his hand moving to the back of my head as our mouths moved together. when we both pulled away for air we panted lightly, smiling at each other like idiots.

"it took ya long enough."

i said, making him laugh.

"merry christmas y/n."

he said, stroking my cheek lightly with his thumb and i could feel a blush rising to my face.

"merry christmas chris."

[into-control]

Into i need help. I bought a oculus quest 2 right and i tried to connect it to my laptop and it wont work so I realized i needed and actual pc gaming setup you know, problem is idk anything about PCs and i dont wanna get scammed. Can you help me? Ive looked online and idk wtf im looking at tbh. Can you give like advice and shit lol 😂 love you into 💕

well i'm not a professional at pcs by any means but i've always had a huge fixation on them so i can try to help as much as possible and i'll even try to put it in simple terms. fair warning, i talk A LOT in this post because i love rambling about computers :') i tried to use the simplest terms possible since you seem confused but if something doesn't make sense just ask and i can try to reword.

it all depends on what you want out of your pc. and do you want to build one or get a prebuilt one? if you want my advice i recommend building one. getting a prebuilt pc is the easiest way to get scammed because retailers tend to overcharge and they think they can get away with it because they stuck a flashy high end graphics card and colourful lights in it even though it has shit airflow and they cheaped out on the motherboard and power supply or something like that. if you're going to get a prebuilt pc make sure you look at allll the specs and consult some online reviews to see if they're any good, and figure out if you're going to be overcharged. now i'll talk about building one. a lot of this will still be useful if you're considering buying a prebuilt though.

the very first step is deciding your budget. idk where you are but in USD the typical amount to spend on pc parts is i think like $1000 - 1500 (you can spend less but that's if you don't have a lot of money to spend and are still desperate to have a gaming pc). i'm spending around $1700 CAD (before taxes, eugh) on mine bc i want to get into more demanding games eventually. it sounds very costly but computers like these can last you a decade and are very multifaceted. figuring out your budget first instead of going right ahead and buying stuff is important because each component should take up specific percentages of your budget. another important thing to consider when deciding your budget is if you want RGB (the colourful lights as previously mentioned), because components with that capability are slightly more expensive.

after deciding your budget, your first move is deciding what graphics card (GPU) you want. the GPU is responsible for processing and presenting the visuals on your screen. theoretically it should take up between 35 - 40% of your budget because it is the powerhouse in a gaming system. you have two developers to choose from here: NVIDIA or AMD. from what i've seen people tend to prefer NVIDIA but AMD cards aren't bad and they definitely compete in performance. i'll talk about nvidia though because that's what i know more about. by searching up the oculus quest 2 system requirements it tells me you at least need an nvidia geforce gtx 970. this card came out in 2014 and is by no means bad however it is actually the same base price as a lot of newer cards. if you want to go better than the minimum requirements, first consider what your monitor is capable of. if you don't have one yet, consider what you want it to do. monitors are not considered a part of the budget i keep mentioning by the way. idk how much this matters to you since we're talking about the oculus quest 2 but i'm just kind of assuming you're going to use this pc for other games too. the main two things to take into consideration are max resolution and refresh rate. my monitor has a resolution of 1920 x 1080 and a 144hz refresh rate. what the resolution means is that there are 2,073,600 pixels in the screen, and can go up to a resolution of 1080p in video games. the refresh rate means the monitor can refresh the picture on the screen 144 times a second, therefore can show a max of 144 frames per second in a video game. to put that in to perspective, most screens have a refresh rate of 60hz, such as regular laptop screens, iphone screens, etc.. monitors come in mainly 60hz, 75hz, 144hz, and 165hz, and for resolution they mainly come in 1080p, 1440p, and 4k. seeing as i don't have any plans on upgrading my monitor any time soon, dropping extra money on a GPU that can achieve more than 144fps and 1440p/4k would be pointless. but forget about the monitor, the oculus quest 2 has a max refresh rate of 120hz and its resolution lies somewhere between 1080p and 1440p. if you know what kind of games you're going to be playing, look up how they perform with different kinds of cards. i'm fairly certain anything above an nvidia geforce rtx 3070 would be pointless because of your display limits, and anything below the nvidia geforce gtx 970 simply won't be enough for the system. you can look at all the GPUs ranked here. after deciding which GPU you want you need to figure out which brand of it you want (NVIDIA themselves, asus, gigabyte, evga, etc), because they all perform at slightly different levels, although the difference is usually only a few frames so it's better to save money. something to watch out for is the quality of the fans in the GPU because if they aren't good, it will overheat and underperform. i'm aiming to get a 3060 or 3060 ti, if that helps. the only problem is that there is currently a worldwide GPU shortage due to covid, tariffs, and the cryptocurrency mining boom (gpus are used in bulk to mine). fortunately there is currently a crypto mining crackdown happening in china, where majority of mining in the world happens, so the demand for GPUs will hopefully start going down soon. you wont be able to build your pc right away but the market is looking better than it has in awhile. this is just about the only argument i have in favor of getting a prebuilt pc, because they have GPUs in them and are more readily available. i don't think that's a good enough reason though especially since part of the reason i'm building my pc is because it looks fun lol. another thing to note is that you should not overspend on your GPU. the shortage has caused a lot of GPU prices to skyrocket into the $2k-3k range but none of them should be above 1k except the highest end ones. when deciding on a GPU, search up the manufacturer's suggested retail price (MSRP). cards made by brands other than AMD and NVIDIA will almost always cost a little extra, but do not pay hundreds of

extra dollars. but anyways!! the GPU is now out of the way and is definitely the longest paragraph here because it's the most important part.

next up is the central processing unit (CPU), which you should be spending about 20 - 25% of your budget on. its job is essentially to retrieve instructions from the RAM and execute it. i suppose you could call it the brain. again you have two developers to choose from, this time between intel and AMD. i've had two laptops with an intel CPU and my current one has an AMD CPU and both are very good, however the general consensus is that you can get the same performance for less by going with AMD. CPUs have cores, and each core can run its own process. the more cores you have, the more your pc can think about basically. you can get CPUs will all sorts of amounts of cores but for gaming, 4 or 6 cores is all you really need. 8 is actually already a bit overkill. so you really don't need to get the best CPU out there. the one you get should depend on what GPU you get (hence choosing that component first). you don't want to bottleneck your GPU by getting a CPU that isn't good enough for it, but bottlenecking your CPU with the GPU by a small amount isn't as big of a deal because the goal is to allow your GPU to be used to its full ability. another detail about CPU is clock speed, which determines how quick it can complete tasks. the higher the faster, obviously. my (non gaming) laptop's CPU clock speed is 2.30 GHz and has 4 cores. the cpu i have for my build is the AMD ryzen 5 5600x. it has a base clock speed of 3.7 GHz but it can be maxed out to 4.6 GHz, and it has 6 cores. the oculus quest 2 has a minimum requirement of the AMD ryzen 5 1500x or the intel i5-4590, which is a little low on the performance list. but like i said the CPU should depend on the GPU. all it takes is a google search for which CPU goes best with the GPU you've chosen and you can find several answers depending on if you want the best possible performance, best budget performance, etc.. a nice little fact about choosing AMD over intel is that most AMD CPUs will come with a stock cooler, which is absolutely necessary otherwise your CPU will overheat (this is another thing prebuilts will cheap out on). this only adds to the whole price-to-performance thing. the stock cooler will most likely do unless you push your pc or want the build to look prettier.

next on the list is a motherboard, where all the parts come together in unity. you should spend 8 - 10% of your budget on this baby. it's easy to over and underspend on a mobo. the most important thing when it comes to choosing a mobo is that it supports your CPU. you cannot use the same mobo for intel and AMD CPUs. fortunately the product page will straight up tell you which CPU brand the mobo is meant for and will typically have two versions of the same board. it's important to note that motherboards don't always have onboard wifi, meaning it wont be able to connect to the internet via wifi and instead needs an ethernet cable or an external wifi adapter. if you can't get an ethernet cable to the room where you want your pc, you're going to need onboard wifi, or a wifi card/usb. onboard wifi mobos tend to be more expensive so it's up to you, but i personally bought one with wifi included so i wouldn't have to worry about it because our ethernet cables are in the basement and i'm upstairs. another very important thing about motherboards is that their BIOS version (operating system i guess?? idk how else to describe it) doesn't always support your CPU out of the box and must be updated before using it. this can present as a problem if you don't have another CPU to perform the update with, however some motherboards allow you to 'flash' the BIOS with a only usb drive as long as it's hooked up to power. there are plenty of step by step youtube videos about how to do this. i will have to do this with my motherboard when the time comes because it doesn't support ryzen 5s out of the box. don't let this deter you from getting a certain board as long as it has a BIOS flash feature. next up is what I/O ports you want, which are the ports (usb ports, headphone/mic jack, hdmi port, etc) you'd find on the back of any desktop computer. that is the side of the motherboard. basically just be aware of how many of each ports you want, and remember that there will probably be even more ports on the front of the case you get. the last thing i can think of right now is making sure your motherboard has all the headers (where you plug components in) you want it to have but i'll get to that later.

next up on the list is RAM, aka random access memory. this stores short term data. the amount of RAM you have kind of determines how much your pc can multitask. RAM sticks typically go up by some multiple of 2GB. most standard laptops and desktops nowadays will come with 8GB of RAM, which is enough for day to day use. it can be enough for mid and low end games however it cuts it pretty close most of the time. 16GB of RAM is the sweet spot for gaming and anything above that is pretty much overkill (and once again a waste of money) as long as you don't have a billion unnecessary background processes. a large amount of RAM is typically needed for video editors or computer programmers. you should always make sure your motherboard can support the amount of RAM you want although any good motherboard will support 64GB or even 128GB. the best option is to get a 16GB RAM pack, which will include two 8GB RAM sticks. splitting RAM between two sticks will increase efficiency. this is called dual channel. i also recommend getting DDR4 RAM, which is simply faster than DDR3. a good speed to have is around 3600 MHz. make sure your motherboard supports DDR4. you also want to be weary that your RAM is compatible with your CPU brand because they do have to interact for your pc to function.

next is storage. there are three-ish options here depending on how much you're willing to spend. generally you should spend 8 - 10% of the budget here. you can always get a good ole hard drive for the cheapest, however they are the slowest and physically biggest option, meaning whatever you put on it will take a bit longer for your pc to retrieve and open (they can load about 100-200MB of data per second). the next option is a solid state drive. they are a little more expensive but can load as much as 600MB of data per second and take up less space. the last and most efficient/expensive option is an m.2 nvme drive. these things are physically absolutely tiny and can load up to 4GB of data per second. anything you put on these will open very very quickly. the fairly standard solution for this is a combination of two of these three. personally i'm using one m.2 drive and one hard drive. the hard drive i have can store 2TB while the m.2 drive can only store 256GB. funnily enough these two drives are roughly the same price. the idea here is to install your operating system on the faster drive. this makes it so it only takes like 8 seconds tops for your pc to start up. you can also put any other programs you use most often on there (like your main browser and favourite games) and they will open very quickly, while the bulk of your games and other files will go on the bigger drive. that's all there really is to say for storage, just make sure the reviews are good on the drive you want to get, but that goes for any component.

next is your power supply (PSU). very very important to not cheap out on this. 6 - 8% of the budget should go to this. the function of the PSU is to do exactly what its name implies: supply power to all the components. this is where the website pcpartpicker can come in very handy. not only does it help you build a list of parts that are all compatible with each other, it will also estimate how much wattage you will need to run your pc. 600W is usually enough for a normal gaming pc. PSUs are ranked, and you should never really go below a bronze ranking. you can also choose between non-modular, semi-modular, and fully-modular PSUs. non-modular PSUs have all the cables permanently attached. this can be desirable to people who are confused by what cable is plugged in where but also undesirable as unused cables cannot be removed and make cable management harder. fully-modular PSUs come with the cables all in a separate bag so you choose which ones to plug in. semi-modular power supplies have the necessary cables attached and the rest can be attached need be. it all depends on preference and how much faith you have in yourself. i have an 80+ gold certified fully modular 750W PSU because the thought of unnecessary cable management makes me sick lol. corsair is pretty much the most trusted brand for power supplies. be careful because this is another place prebuilts will cut corners.

now for the case! this one isn't overly difficult to choose and mainly will just appeal to your aesthetics. it's less important to stick to a precise percent of the budget for this one but you also don't want to spend more than 8%. do you want a black case? a white one? do you want a glass side panel so you can see inside your pc and admire your hard work? besides that, you also need to make sure the case is big enough for your motherboard, GPU, and PSU. most info pages for cases will tell you the max size of the GPU and PSU and what size of mobo it's meant for. you also want to make sure there is a place to put your storage drives (unless you only have m.2 drives which are installed on the motherboard). you also want to make sure it has optimal airflow abilities. a case with no airflow will cause overheating. the best ones have mesh fronts and tops to allow cool air to be pulled in and hot air out. it's even better if you can get a case that comes with fans in the front, because they are what pulls that cool air in.

next is the CPU cooler, which i briefly mentioned. if you don't get an AMD CPU then you'll need to buy a separate cooler. you can choose between air coolers (a fan and a heatsink) or liquid coolers. i don't really have much to say about them and i recommend doing your own research on liquid coolers lol.

last but not least, case fans. like i said a lot of cases will come with front fans and also an exhaust fan at the back, however you might want more, or even replace the ones you already have with better ones. pay attention to how many fans your case manual says can fit and plan accordingly. check out reviews to see if the fans you want are quiet and efficient. if you buy a three pack of case fans there is a chance it will come with a fan hub. this makes it easier to control all of them in sync because the hub will connect all the fans to one header on the motherboard. generally 3-6 fans are pretty good for a gaming pc. two or three in the front pulling in cool air, one at the back and two on the top to pull out hot air.

now that i have all the components out of the way i'm gonna talk about RGB lighting. numerous components that i've mentioned have the option of including LED lights to make your pc brightly coloured, which is always nice if you have a glass side panel on your pc. it's an extra bit of money but i personally was willing to sacrifice that because i want to show off my build lmao. motherboards, RAM sticks, GPUs, CPU coolers, and case fans are the main components that can come with RGB lighting. you can also get special LED strips and power connectors designed for PCs. if you decide to go for RGB lighting, do try to stick to one RGB ecosystem, meaning make sure all the RGB components can be controlled by one program. RGB is controlled by your motherboard. for example if you get an asus motherboard you'll probably want to use their program, aura sync. most components can be controlled by any brand's program however if the motherboard itself has RGB lighting it can only be controlled via its own brand's program, along with the GPU. if you want RGB case fans you really have to make sure your motherboard has RGB headers (the thingy on the motherboard where you plug the fan's LED lights into). most motherboards will only have two-ish RGB headers so if you're going to buy a bunch of fans make sure they come with a fan hub, which lets you plug them all into one header on the motherboard. also, never sacrifice performance for RGB. specifically when it comes to GPUs. if you have a choice between a GPU with RGB and a GPU without RGB, always take the one that has better performance (given it's within the parameters i mentioned earlier).

that's all i have to say :) if you couldn't tell i really love this stuff. i will also recommend you watch youtube videos about this, you can see the build process and the reasoning for using each component, and also tips on what to do and what not to do. i hope this helps and wasn't too confusing. i know you said this is mainly because you got an oculus quest 2 but if you're going to get a gaming pc you should definitely consider games outside of the oculus too.

[nonasidesstuff]

the dimension travel au

aka Virgil’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

so this is like half bullet fic half outline half word vomit but here it is!

this is based on a set of art drawn by @greenninjagal-blog that you can find here with the original version of this au

i dont mind if anyone wants to use any of these ideas just tag me/send me a link if you do!

this got SUPER LONG so its going under a cut

ok lets start with

virgil

his world is medieval-with-magic

the magic here tends to take on different elemental forms depending on the user

people who use magic are called witches

his is storm based (lightning, rain, wind, etc) and is good for both offense (shooting fucking LIGHTNING at someone is great in a fight) and gardening (the ability to call rain at will is pretty nice)

he can also make potions but in his world ANYONE with magic can make potions

the thing is,,,,, magic is illegal in the kingdom he lives in

so when he found out he had magic at like age 11 he fucked off in the middle of the night

he found another witch (a water witch) fairly soon after he left and they taught him how to control his powers and how to make potions

also how to hunt bc hed planned on living out of cities

5 years later hes 16 and has learned all he could and leaves to go to the woods in the middle of nowhere

his teacher had told him about a cottage they had built in a clearing in the woods and said he could go there bc they were leaving the kingdom

they left behind a lot of books on magic and he learned more reading those

the cottage was actually in pretty good shape? the roof was a little leaky but the furniture inside was fine

the outside was a nightmare though. overgrown plants all over

as the years went on he restored the area around the cottage and found a bunch of neat stuff

like a vegetable garden that had been overgrown and wild but still had healthy plants he could cultivate for food. there were also some spice plants that had gone out of control that he harvested and dried for later use

he found out the woods around his home were full of berries (wild strawberries and blackberries. shhhhhh idc if they dont grow in the same places this is a Magic World) and discovered that one of the trees in the clearing was actually an apple tree so yay fruit!!!!

so he was living the good life

cut to 3 years later

hes 19 now and a full-blown weather witch and potion maker

he has sectioned off his garden into 3 parts: spices, vegetables, and potions ingredients

unfortunately some ingredients just wont grow well in a garden and have to be harvested from the wild

virgil realizes hes running low on a couple of said ingredients and decides to make a run to the patches of potion herbs he knows of

he only gets halfway there

a swirling blue-and-yellow vortex opens up 20 feet in the air to the right of him and something falls out

something human shaped

holy shit its a PERSON

he rushes over to make sure this person is okay and.

they have reddish brown fox ears?????

and a reddish brown and grey tail????????

he pokes one of the ears and it twitches

holy shit theyre REAL????!!!!!!!!!

he gathers up this person and takes them home

he puts the strange person in his bed and tends to the minor injuries they obtained from falling 20 feet

this is when he realizes that this person is dressed,,,,,, very strangely

now, people in virgil’s world have some freedom in what they can wear. they can wear whatever the FUCK they want. virgil is partial to dresses and skirts himself

but what this person is wearing is different. the material was like nothing hed ever seen before and in a strange style

(it suits him. its really cute)

he slept for a little over 9 hours

(virgil slept on the floor)

and when he woke he was disoriented and woozy

so he ate a small meal and drank some water and fell back to sleep for another couple hours

when he wakes again, he feels much better and is able to introduce himself

“I’m Patton Baker! Where am I?”

patton

his world is like if you took every single magical girl/boy anime out there and mashed it into one world.

so its chaotic

theres aliens/demons/monsters attacking every other week

this attracts magical creatures like a magnet and they start giving magical girls/boys powers. these are called magical guardians

these people are public figures and are treated the same way idols are in our world (not allowed boyfriends/girlfriends etc)

its a tough job

patton became a magical boy when he was 14 and has been for the past 3 years

the powers his magical guardian are able to give are based off of endangered or threatened animals (yes im sort of copying tokyo mew mew shhhhhhhhhh)

patton became infused with the dna of the island fox

his transformation is triggered by a small tattoo-like marking given to him by his guardian. it’s on the base of his neck

he Absolutely has a magical girl transformation

when he’s transformed, he has the ears and tail of an island fox as well as claw-like nails. his hair is the reddish-brown of the fox and his eyes are silver

his outfit is light blue with silver and white accents and dark blue sleeves

when detransformed he has blond hair and blue eyes

his magical boy weapon is a bow that he can shoot arrows of light from

his group was based out of florida and has been going strong for about 15 years. magical teens come and go as they gain their powers and retire or, tragically, lose their lives fighting

at the moment there are six people including patton

their most recent foe is a monster that has the ability to make people and things disappear, and they’re not sure what happens to them

theyre fighting this thing at night when it happens. the creature has already taken the streetlights out and the teens are fighting in heavy darkness. patton, who has better night vision due to his fox genes, sees the monster about to grab the leader, and strongest, of their group

and he makes a choice

he pushes her out of the way and gets grabbed by the monster instead.

there’s a single moment of searing pain and then the world dissolves into swirling lights and dizziness

when he wakes he’s in a strange house. he introduces himself and the person who’s taking care of him introduces himself

he’s told he fell out of some sort of portal and virgil tries to help him figure out where he is in relation to his home but. virgil doesnt recognize any of the places patton is talking about. and patton doesnt recognize any of the ones virgil says

virgil asks patton about the fact that He Is Part Fox and patton talks about the magical system back home and thats when they realize theyre dealing with dimension travel

patton stays in bed for the rest of the day and by the next hes feeling much better! so he helps virgil around the house and they get to know each other

the day after that, virgil remembers that he really needs those herbs, so he tells pat hes going out for a bit to gather them

he gets about a quarter of the way there when Another Portal Opens and dumps out a person. this time right in front of him

this person is also wearing odd

clothing, but in a different style than pattons

he checks to make sure theyre not injured (they knocked their head a bit but other than that seem fine) and carries them back home

the person is unconscious in virgil’s bed for a couple of hours longer than patton was, but he wakes up entirely coherent

he introduces himself as “logan croft”

logan

his world is one full of magic

magical creatures of all sorts live there and magic is a welcome part of society

there’s elves, fairies, merfolk, unicorns, any you can think of

magical schools are also big parts of it

people who have mastered their magic to the highest degree are called mages

everyone else are called wizards

the way magic works in this world is with spells (think harry potter but without wands)

some people are born with more magic than others and as such have a harder time controlling it when it manifests at around 10

so theyre sent to magic schools where they learn how to safely do so

if they want to stay at these schools after they learn control then they move on to higher forms of magical education to continue learning

logan is one of these students

he was born with a MASSIVE amount of magic and when it manifested he. accidentally leveled his house

everyone was fine!!!!!!! but the poor boy had absolutely no control

so he stayed at a school for people with high amounts of magic and by the time he was 13 he had enough control to leave if he wanted to

of course this being logan he Absolutely wanted to keep learning so he moved on

he was so good actually that he ended up in the best magic academy in the world

he consistently learned magic at a faster rate than his peers and so by the time he was 18 (people normally didnt until they were like 21/22) he was a mage in all but name

so he was ready to take his mage exam

the mage exam is considered both easy and the hardest and most dangerous thing you could do

its easy in the fact that you only have to cast a spell correctly

its hard and dangerous bc its a spell that NO ONE outside of historians have ever seen before and you only have 10 minutes to memorize it. things go wrong Frequently

needless to say there arent many mages and people tend to either quit before reaching that stage or fail

and failure can be painful

so logan decides to take the mage exam

the spell they are given is a long string of words dug out of an ancient book of spells and historians arent entirely sure what it does

so ofc its given to the best in the academy

logan takes his ten minutes to memorize the spell and begins chanting

now in this world, when spells are used a runic circle made of light appears under the person casting

small spells have small circles and bigger spells have larger and brighter ones

the one this spell called forwards was massive and so bright that it blinded the exam practitioners (i think thats the word?)

when the light died down logan was gone

theyre unsure whether it went right or wrong but unfortunately theres no trace of where logan had gone so theres no way to see

when he wakes hes somewhere he doesnt recognize and is being taken care of by two people

they all introduce themselves and logan gets the story about what happened to him

and he realizes hes in a different dimension with different magical rules

naturally he wants to learn everything

so he and virgil have long discussions about the differences in their magic systems

(with patton chiming in every once in a while with how bonkers magical girl powers are)

after logan gets back on his feet virgil really REALLY needs those herbs and so he decides to go back out

logan tags along this time bc he wants to see the differences between the flora and fauna of this new world

they get about half way there and once again.

a portal opens

its light blue and yellow

virgil goes “jesus christ AGAIN??????? am i a MAGNET for these things??????????”

and a person falls out

theyre another animal person. this time with scales covering the side of their face and down their arms

virgil and logan carry this whole other person back home and as soon as they walk in

patton is like “janus????!!!!!”

janus

turns out

janus is from pat’s world!!!! and the same mg group!!!!!

he became a magical boy about a year before pat did and was merged with the dna of a golden lancehead viper

so hes been a mg for like 4 years

his outfit is white with yellow bows and a black cape thing with a yellow inside. his scales are bright yellow and his eyes are heterochromatic. one is a normal eye (brown) and the other is a bright gold color with a snake-like pupil

his marking is on the inside of his left wrist

his weapon is a set of knives made of light that he can call at will and either slash with or throw

he and patton got along rather well in the current time

in the past, they,,,, didnt

it wasnt violent but they were kinda snippy at each other and janus was aggressively sarcastic which pat Did Not Appreciate

but after working together for a few years they got to know each other better and saw each other through low points in their lives and became close

janus was still a sarcastic little shit but now its more playful

he likes to suggest “pushing it down a flight of stairs” for any problem

“man i have a big math test tomorrow with a mean teacher that i didnt study for im screwed”

“push it down the stairs”

“the teacher or the test?”

“yes”

he will also aggressively remind you that Self Care Is Good And Needed

(“patton youve been patrolling for hours every night this week. go sleep”

“but i-“

“go 👏 to 👏 sleep 👏”

“bu-“

“go sleep or im going to knock you unconscious and THEN youll sleep”

“ok fine”)

anyways the dimension monster came back and despite the whole group being more careful, it got janus

luckily (to every one else) this time they managed to defeat it

once again, the pain of dimensional travel fucking SUCKED and janus was unconscious for about as long as patton was

he woke and ate a small meal and fell back asleep for like an hour

when he woke up that time he was shocked and happy to see patton

they reunite and everyone gets to know each other over the next couple days

and then virgil remembers that he STILL HASNT GOTTEN HIS HERBS and they all decide to tag along when he leaves to get them

virgil just like sighs and said “nothing better happen this time i swear to god-“

and they make it most of the way there!!!!! virgil feels a little hope!!!!

then another portal opens

its red and green

(virgil: “GODDAMMIT”)

this time TWO people fall out

the group gather up the two portal people and take them home to heal bc

holy shit they are in bad condition

theyre unconscious for a solid 2 days

Roman and remus

their world is BAD yall

the world is very scientifically advanced, and a group if scientists decided that they wanted to prove the existence of alternate universes

and they did!

but they accidentally opened a portal to a hell dimension and they couldnt close it

so the whole world became an apocalyptic nightmare

this happened when the twins were 15

theyve been surviving on their own in an apocalyptic hellscape for just over 4 years now

remus is the close range fighter with a variety of Large Sharp Knives and roman hangs back and snipes the ones going in for remus’ blind spots with a modified rifle. or if he has to fight closer range he has a modified pistol

roman also is the one to carry their medical supplies bc remus did Once and never will again

they travel together bc even though they cant stand each other some days (remus makes gross comments a Lot and roman likes to complain about the lack of conditioner)

(roman once found an old bottle of perfume and dumped it on remus’ head. in retaliation, when they were relatively safe remus found a dead squirrel and chased roman around with it for a solid 15 minutes)

theyre still twins and theyre all each other have left

currently, roman and remus are running from a creature that caught them off guard while they were sleeping

it had managed to get a few good hits on them before they managed to fight back so they both have a couple injuries

roman has a long slice down his arm and remus has some real bad claw marks down his back

the two of them find a building they can hide in while they wait for the creature to move on and discover that its some sort of science lab

they decide to explore for a bit bc they have 0 braincells between the two of them

what they dont realize is that this is one of the labs that the scientists were using to build their dimensional machines

what they do realize is that the monster found them and it starts chasing them through the facility

the two of them are in really bad shape

malnourished after living on just what they can find for 4 years, both bleeding profusely from open wounds and various injuries from other run-ins with the creatures

they arent able to run as fast as they usually are able and so they get cornered in a room with a large machine

they back up to it to stay away as long as they can and

one of them presses a button

the machine behind them whirrs to life and the two are sucked into a portal oh so similar to the one that ruined the lives of everyone on their world

roman wakes first

he wasnt hurt as badly as remus so the portal didnt take as much out of him as remus

everyone introduces themselves and roman has the his first full meal in. a long time

(he might cry a lil bit but shhhhhhh)

and now that hes awake, virgil can give him a potion to help speed up his healing

thats when romans like “holy shit MAGIC?????”

bc there was none on his world

and they all talk and get to know each other

(the other four are Horrified at how awful his world was

bc like, patton and janus’ wasnt very good either but it wasnt an apocalypse

the next day virgil leaves logan in charge and FINALLY goes and gets his GODDAMN HERBS

nothing happens this time :)

and when he gets back remus is awake

hes fed and virgil gets him a potion too

the two heal and just kind of marvel at the fact theyre safe for the first time in years

also that theres GODDAMN MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!

they still can’t believe theres actual magic

the five dimension hoppers eventually meet thomas, virgil’s talking magic cat

(virgil: “he can think and talk like a human hes not my cat”

thomas: “im totally your cat stop denying it”)

he decided to wander around the forest for a while (he does this often) and only got back after all of the portal shit ended

he is the only cat with magic and says he ALSO fell out of a portal but it was a few years before he met virgil

i dont really know what happens after this

maybe they go try to figure out how to get home?

maybe they decide to stay and live in the woods for the rest of their lives

 maybe they decide “you know what? FUCK the government” and stage a coup to make magic legal

 whichever it is definitely has a lot of found family goodness

can you tell i started running out of steam like 3/4 of the way through

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 93

[Date: 18/03, 05:45 PM GMT - 18/03, 06:29 PM GMT]

[Prior to the below conversation, Maxwell and the people from the server were discussing how the liquid from the cut-off bud from the previous day appears to be red to Maxwell, yet it had appeared as white in color to Marcus and the others after the bud was cut. The bud was also fairly large, about half the size of Maxwell’s thumb, and may have been one of the calendula marigolds, not the freesias. The flower petals can be around like a normal petal, but they’re still metal. The bud hadn’t wilted]

Maxwell: “so....

whats this about”

|[Little-K1ng: “I wish I hadn’t snapped at fetch like that… maybe when he comes back I can give him a proper apology”

Maxwell: “hm perhaps that would be good

family should get along”]|

Marcus: “.....

..we didn't want to worry you”

Jack the Observer: “that was the spoilered image from yesterday afternoon. Mona decided it would be beneficial not to let you know.

you know. seeing as it was rather uncharacteristic.”

donti (e): “... yea”

Marcus: “...seeing as you had already spoken ender”

Maxwell: “i...i dont remember saying that”

Jack the Observer: “i doubt it was actually you who said it.

much more likely it was some partial incarnation of Page.”

Marcus: “....it didn't sound like you”

Maxwell: “the fuck do you mean it didnt sound like me

I....”

Marcus: “i mean it didn't sound like you, Max”

Maxwell: “why didnt you tell me!”

Marcus: “we didn't want to worry you!”

Maxwell: “want me to worry?! about what! that Im gonna end up back with crown even if I dont wanna be! I already know that!”

donti (e): “heey hey they.. didnt want to worry you

everything else was already stressful..”

Marcus: “...”

Jack the Observer: “donti.

your goody goody nice-talk is not helpful here.”

Marcus: “max”

donti (e): “... alright.”

Marcus: “im sorry”

Maxwell: “.....

look i just

i hate being treated like a child

i mean

Its like the whole circlet argument all over again!”

Marcus: “....the

max?”

Maxwell: “what”

Marcus: “how do you

how do you know about that argument”

Maxwell: “I DONT KNOW OKAY”

Marcus: “max what else do you remember”

Maxwell: “IVE-- ive been remembering random things while forgetting others i cant tell anymore”

Marcus: “......

why didn't you... tell us?

how long”

Maxwell: “I just thought they were dreams or nightmares

i dont know....ever since the trial maybe?”

Marcus: “..

max”

Maxwell: “what...”

Marcus: “i'm sorry”

Maxwell: “FOR WHAT WHY CANT YOU JUST TELL ME”

Marcus: “everything

for everything okay!

i'm sorry we didn't tell you about the voice thing last night

i'm sorry fetch tried to lie about the buds in your hair!

i'm sorry that you and i got into that stupid argument and that we had to leave our family because i wouldnt tell you something!”

Maxwell: “I hate this....why does everyhting think they have to keep things from me”

Marcus: “I'm sorry”

Maxwell: “I aint a god damn kid....i havent been for a while....”

Marcus: “I know that Max

I know”

Maxwell: “.....you....”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “marcus

stand in the light for a sec”

Marcus: “im sorry

what?”

Maxwell: “please please just stand in the sunlight for a moment”

Marcus: “max..?”

Maxwell: “.....I think I know why you've been so tired....”

Marcus: “stress?”

Maxwell: “no...

i...im sorry me getting made probably brought it on im so fucking sorry--”

Marcus: “..max?”

Maxwell: “the leaves”

Marcus: “the what”

Jack the Observer: “huh.

marcus is also growing a wreath.”

Maxwell: “the leaves have sprouted”

disks and the color red |Stars: “thats unfortunate”

Maxwell: “im sorry im sorry im so fucking sorry”

Jack the Observer: “interesting”

LLyr: “max, this isnt your fault”

Marcus: “i...”

donti (e): “heeeyy thats kinda rude guysss”

Marcus: “max why would this be your fault”

LLyr: “there’s no way you could have prevented or made this happen”

Jack the Observer: “[i whisper to dave] i wonder how much it will effect him, considering the circlet did little to nothing”

Maxwell: “but it happened after we started arguing after I upset you im so fucking sorry oh my god”

[donti (e): “heeeyy thats kinda rude guysss”]

LLyr: “thats just how they are :3″

emuhlee: “this isn't very pleasant :(”

donti (e): “yea.”

Marcus: “max it isn't your fault”

Maxwell: “but arent you in pain?!”

Marcus: “um

not..really?”

Jack the Observer: “well. it makes sense that the "happiness wreaths" grow off of negative emotions.”

Maxwell: “......what...”

Marcus: “i didn't even notice it happened”

Maxwell: “you...how--

syd screamed in pain I had headaches for days and even fetch is hurting...”

Marcus: “i dont... i don't know max

i don't have answers”

Jack the Observer: “oh, you're only partially immune”

Marcus: “immune???”

Jack the Observer: “should've guessed – you still lost your memories after all.”

Raeva: “It could be because you've spent much more time with Crown than the rest of them”

Jack the Observer: “the circlet only worked partially. of course this wreath only works partially as well.”

[Jack the Observer: “[i whisper to dave] i wonder how much it will effect him, considering the circlet did little to nothing”]

disks and the color red |Stars: “dunno. i still think he wont go with the rest of them though [he whispers back]”

Marcus: “.........”

Jack the Observer: “if that were the case, the circlets should have less effect on Prince and Baron as well

not to mention Countess.”

Marcus: “....oh that's your assumption...”

donti (e): “... they didnt need the laurels though”

Maxwell: “hm...”

Jack the Observer: “based on historical evidence, i would guess that Crown effects you less, in particular”

Marcus: “max...

max what are you humming?”

donti (e): “uh

Jack the Observer : “if you're taken again, remember morse code :)”

Maxwell: “....what...”

donti (e): “... didnt crown figure out the morse code?”

Marcus: “..hm..hm...”

donti (e): “he used it in an ask of his own?”

Raeva: “Now you're both humming?”

Marcus: “max how do you know that tune?”

Marcus: “you've never...

max?”

Maxwell: “......know that I'm with you the only way that I can.....”

Marcus: “....Until you're in my arms again....”

disks and the color red |Stars: “...interesting”

Maxwell: “.....remember me.....”

Marcus: “.....max”

Maxwell: “.....i dont know....

i cant tell whats my memories and whats....his”

Marcus: “....sometimes I can't either”

Maxwell: “I hate it....it hurts...”

Marcus: “...I'm sorry”

Maxwell: “its not you...I'm....Im happy I met you guys...”

Marcus: “i'm glad i met you too..”

Baroness: “Hello Page and Viscount. :)”

Marcus: “the real you”

Maxwell: “ugh god, fuck off baroness...”

Marcus: “what the fuck are you doing in here”

Maxwell: “we aint in the mood”

Maxwell: “okay wait how the fuck did you get into the god damn house”

Baroness: “I just thought I'd come by and see how things were growing. It looks like we're becoming a family again. :)”

[Maxwell: “okay wait how the fuck did you get into the god damn house”]

Baroness: “Hmm, i think the door was unlocked. Funny that. :)”

Maxwell: “what”

Maxwell: “oh....mona left it unlocked in case fetch came back...”

Marcus: “......”

emuhlee: “.... :(”

Baroness: “So, it looks like you're starting to bloom Viscount. Are you excited? :)”

Marcus: “.......”

Maxwell: “leave him alone you piece of shit

or else ill be the one biting at you”

Marcus: “..max”

Maxwell: “STOP CALLING HIM THAT”

Baroness: “Calling him what? his name? tell me, do you feel more like a Page or a Maxwell right now?”

Maxwell: “maxwell you dumb bitch”

Marcus: “.......”

Baroness: “Alright. I'm sure that will change soon. :)”

Marcus: “Pa- max don't antagonize her, please”

Maxwell: “you piece of shit you do anything to my family [deleted shortly afterwards] friends AND ILL KILL YOU”

donti (e): “heeey maxx chill

we should.. not do anything.. we will regret

haha

hi baroness”

Marcus: “...”

Baroness: “I'm not doing anything.

The bloom will happen and spring will come.

You can't stop the changing of the seasons. :)

donti (e): “very poetic.. thank you”

Baroness: “I'm just here to tend to the flowers. :)”

LLyr: “i mean with that logic winter will come eventually, won’t it?”

Maxwell: “no BUT I CAN SHOVE MY FIST DOWN YOUR THROAT”

Marcus: “Page- Max please stop yelling”

Maxwell: “.....”

donti (e): “hEYyyyYYYYyyyyyyyy heeeyyy everyone caaaallllmmmmm dooownnnn no need to yell”

[Maxwell: “no BUT I CAN SHOVE MY FIST DOWN YOUR THROAT”]

Baroness: “Page, Page, Page. Is that any way to speak to your family?”

Maxwell: “YOU AINT MY FAMILY YOU PIECE OF SHIT”

Void: “for someone so concerned with a happy family baroness is awfully good at sowing discord and unhappiness”

donti (e): “heyy heyy no need for sniping comments”

Marcus: “..not the time for puns, donti”

[Void: “for someone so concerned with a happy family baroness is awfully good at sowing discord and unhappiness”’

Baroness: “Sometimes you have to snip a few weeds for beautiful flowers to grow. :)”

Void: “hm. don't like that.”

[Maxwell: “YOU AINT MY FAMILY YOU PIECE OF SHIT]

Baroness: “:)”

Marcus: “.....”

[getbacktoworknovice]

💀Over the Edge

[A one shot about Edward wanting to cliff dive and coaxing you into joining him~ Reposting some of my older Ao3 stuff~]

Edward Kenway was a fascinating creature.

He could climb to the top of a mast, jump from building to rooftop, raid ships and dig up treasure chests all while wearing these incredibly uncomfortable (and heavy) looking robes. You honestly had no idea how he did it.

Or how he was able to keep as silent as he did, prowling through underbrush and treetops as if he were some animal stalking prey. It was impressive as it was terrifying. You had seen all this first hand when Edward had saved you from a sinking man o’ war the year before. You’d been on board as a navigator when the pirates had raided it and Edward had graciously given you a choice between staying on the sinking ship or taking up with him and his men.

Your choice had been obvious.

His crew wasnt too thrilled with the idea. After all, it was bad luck to have a woman aboard but Edward said that was all “superstitious nonsense”. Since you were a navigator he used you in that sense helping him get to certain places on maps he had in his quarters. He was a fine navigator himself but he said he wanted to “give you a purpose aside from being a distraction to his crew”.

You had gotten used to his cockiness and his relentless flirting as well. He was no “ladies man” by any means though he proclaimed to be one. He got himself slapped fairly often for someone so “smooth” but you didnt make it a point to learn much about that side of him.

He had saved your life and you owed him. You were returning the favor by helping him find all the treasure on the maps he had “found” and so far you had been doing a far better job than even you knew you were capable. It had been quite an experience and while the crew was a bit rowdy when drunk they were a good hearted group.

You grew very fond of them and they began to treat you as one of their own. Swapping stories over ale and singing shanties together off key and horrible to annoy the one sailor who took his shanties seriously. They respected you too, though you suspected part of that was because Edward threatened to de-man anyone who tried anything with you.

You’d heard them often call you Kenways property.

You werent sure how you felt about that…

“Oi, Y/N!” You heard Edward call and you snapped out of your daze. The two of you were on some unnamed and uninhabited island his newest map had led you to. It took a bit of hiking as the treasure was located pretty high up next to a cliff but you two had made it and Edward had began digging.

You occupied yourself with your journal, writing down coordinates and recording what treasure was found as well as what the flora and fauna was like. Sometimes it took hours for Edward to find anything other times he would find it pretty quick.

Looking up you could see his half naked form coming out of the hole he’d dug. It was particularly hot today and you couldn’t blame him for shedding the heavy looking robes he wore. He drug his arm across his face to wipe away the sweat on his brow and gave a grin.

“I found it!” He said, beckoning you over as he leaned down to haul it up. It was a pretty good sized chest, big enough to hold a person it seemed. It certainly was heavy enough as you had to help him yank it out of the hole he’d dug.

Cracking it open he gave an excited exclamation as it was full to the brim with gold and jewels. “Geez, whoever hid this mustve robbed a nobleman or something.” You said in amazement as Edward happily inspected the gold pieces to make sure all was legit.

“There’s an entire fortune in here, and I’m sure glad we found it before the miserable soul I got that map from did.” He grinned closing the lid and standing up there beside you. Reaching over he ruffled your hair with a broad smile. “Good with your directions as always, thanks for the assist Y/N.” He said putting his hands on his hips as he looked out to the open sea, towards the Jackdaw he could still make out over the cliff.

“Well, I know you and I wont be able to haul this all that distance.” He said, giving the side of the chest a kick as you went to retrieve your journal. You groaned inwardly. That meant the two of you had to make the long hike all the way back to the ship and then back AGAIN to retrieve the treasure and back AGAIN to get it back to the ship.

Seeing you pull that face Edward gave a smirk. “Whats the matter love?” he asked crossing his arms and giving you a playful look. “Dont you like all the bugs and roots and rocks?” He teased and you swatted his arm.

“Quiet you, I just dont like the idea of doing all that hiking in this heat.” You admitted, slinging your bag over your shoulder with a sigh. “It IS hot today isnt it…” Edward remarked rubbing his neck as he turned with you to start the trek back but stopped you by grabbing your arm.

“Hey now wait a minute.” He said as you turned to face him quizzically. “I know a way we can get back to the Jackdaw faster AND get cooled off.” He said and you gave him a doubtful look. “Your not as good with shortcuts as you think you are captain.” You started but he pulled you with him as he began walking back to where he’d dug up the box.

“I guarantee this one will work.” He said as he brought you over by the cliffs edge, pointing down to where you could just make out the Jackdaw around the bend. “See? She’s right there.” He said and you cocked your brow at him.

“And? What are you going to do fly over to it?” You teased unsure where he was going with this. Shaking his head he gave you a mischievous smile. “Nope, WE are going to swim to it.” He said, putting his hands on his hips as he peered over the edge.

You blinked.

“What?”

He looked over at you, he had that look in those piercing blue eyes of his. A look that said “lets do something crazy and pray to God it actually works or we are so done for ” and you took a step back. “Oh you are NOT serious.” You said and he nodded as he saw the reality of his idea sink in. “I am love, think your brave enough to try it?” He teased and you backed up even more.

“I am NOT jumping!”

“Its the only way down–”

“I’ll hike this island a THOUSAND times before I do ANYTHING close to what your suggesting!”

“Come on love, your SUPPOSED to be a pirate!” He teased going towards you as you backed away. You huffed and placed your hands on your hips defensively. “I’m a navigator FOR a pirate, I never claimed to be one!” you insisted and Edward only laughed.

“Your guilty by association I’m afraid,” he said tilting his head at you as he saw your face getting pale at the idea of jumping off a cliff. “Come now, I’ve done this thousands of times, I promise you’ll be all right.” He tried to reassure you gently.

Gentle wasnt a side you saw of his too often.

Taking a deep breath you shook your head again. “No way, something will go wrong and I’ll die.” You said and he gave one of those smiles of his that made you wonder how he really felt about you at times. “It cant go wrong if you do exactly what I do,” He said and offered his hand. “I’ll hold your hand if you want me to?” He said.

Normally you would slap it away and just stalk off. You couldnt do this, there was no way…but there was something…almost exciting about the idea. You’d seen him leap off of building before, landing in haystacks or piles of underbrush even into the ocean and always emerging unscathed.

You could trust him…couldnt you?

Hesitating at first you finally took his hand. “F-fine! But if I die, I’m going to KILL you.” You insisted and Edward laughed aloud. “Now love, dont be that way, I promise you we’ll be all right.” He assured you and moved his hands to the strap of your bag to pull it off of you. “Im sure you dont want your precious journals ruined though, might wanna leave those behind.”

Taking your bag over by where he’d discarded his robes he beckoned you once more towards the cliff. Which might as well have been the edge of the world for you. You peeked over the edge skittishly, your heart beating a thousand miles a minute in your chest.

Edward was looking over as well but he had a sile on his face and a challenged look to his features as if this were some kind of test he was determined to pass. Seeing your nervousness he reached out and grabbed your hand. “Ready?” He asked and you almost jerked your hand away.

“As I ever will be I think…” You said quietly and he gave your hand a squeeze. “The most important thing to remember,” He said as you looked up at him. “Is to not hesitate. Jump first, think later.” you snorted.

“Oh yes, wonderful advice.” “I give only the best.” he smiled and took a few steps back, getting some distance between the cliffs edge for a running start, still firmly holding your hand. You hadn’t realized you were squeezing his so hard your knuckles had turned white but he didnt seem to mind. Or notice even.

He had strong hands.

“We’ll go on three aye?”

You nodded.

“Three!” He yelled and took off with you having to keep up. If you lived through this you would call him out for being a cheat. You hadnt even realized your feet had left the ground until you were both air born. It was the most terrifying and exciting feeling in your life. You had your eyes closed the entire time, the world rushing around you making you sick to your already upset stomach.

Soon enough though you felt Edwards arms wrap around you and opened your eyes right as the two of you hit the water. It took you a moment to get oriented and at first you freaked out because you were heavier with your clothes and all but you felt Edwards arm around your waist as he hauled the two of you to the surface.

You broke through the water with a gasp Edward taking in breath beside you as he surfaced. He was laughing like an idiot, his fist in the air in victory as he floated there beside you. The first thing you did after catching your breath was punch him in the arm.

“You cheated!” You insisted and Edward feinted pain at your punch giving you a wink. “Ah cmon now love, it was all in the name of building your confidence!” He teased, raising his arms in defense as you started swatting at him with your hands.

“Your insane!” You said but you had a big smile on your face and you were laughing. That had been quite a rush admittedly and…you even felt you could do it again. He only grinned at you, grabbing at your hands to stop your onslaught.

“Yes I am, but that is one thing you love about me right?” He teased and you blushed yanking your hands away. “Seriously Captain, your a mess.” You said, turning away to begin the short swim to the Jackdaw.

You heard him behind you chuckling to himself.

“Say what you will but you followed me over the edge of a cliff.” He called out to you as you made it to the ship, grabbing onto the wooden slats that ran down its side. You scooted over to make room for him as he climbed up beside you, gently running his hand through your hair.

“Your something else yourself Y/N,” He said, looking at you with those blue eyes of his making your heart thump a bit. “Something I havent quite figured out…but I am going to.” He assured you before giving a wink and climbing up onto his ship.

Leaving you with your face pressed against the wet boards trying to hide the big smile and blush on your face.

[brushes-of-sage]

Alchemy. It was the only thing that was uniting the princes of Arendelle. While a door had separated the two brothers for the past five years, Hugo found a way to still stay connected to his brother. It all started three years ago, when Hugo realized he was running out of things to do. Oh sure, there were plenty of things in the castle, but that number reduces *significantly* when you realize there’s no one to do these things with you. So, Hugo decided to take up alchemy again. (1/?)

Alright lemme try to see if the keep reading works:

He had stopped working with alchemy when Varian had disappeared behind that cursed door, since alchemy was just another painful reminder of the brother he felt he lost. It was one of the brothers' favorite things to do, along with… along with... well, Hugo couldn’t really remember. The more he tried thinking about things he did with his brother that wasn’t alchemy, he got nothing, just laughter and a small headache. But, the number of things to occupy his time were getting thin.

So, he decided to give alchemy a try. This turned out to be a great decision. Not only did it serve as a distraction, but it served as something to keep his mind going. This distraction worked well for a few weeks until he hit a roadblock. He was trying to perfect an alchemical ice bomb that he had started when he was younger, but could never finish. But nothing seemed to be working. After staring at his disaster of a note pile for the better part of an hour, a little voice in his head said,

“You could go to Varian for help”

“No,” he snapped back, “If Varian wanted to help me or be there for me, he would leave his room. Clearly he doesn’t want to talk to me, or anyone for that matter.” Hugo didn’t want to admit it, but he was starting to get a bit mad at Varian. They were the best of brothers for years, and then just one day, Varian just shuts himself in his room, without a single word as to why. He laid his head on his desk and sighed. “Ah, who am I kidding? I’m going crazy just sitting here, I need to talk to someone, even if its nothing more than alchemy notes.”He gets up, grabs his notes, and starts to make his way to a door he passed by and stared at a million times before. On the way though, his mind is going through a back and forth battle: He wont wanna talk to you! Yes, he does, we havent spoken in forever! I wonder why? Besides its just some alchemy help, I’m not asking anything too extreme! All he has to do is fix a couple equations! What if he tears it up and ignores it, just like he has you these past few years? After this comment, Hugo ended up backtracking back to his room. He’d go tomorrow. Right?

Wrong. It took him three weeks before he found himself staring at the door that plagued his existence for two years now. He raised his hand to knock, and before he could back out, knocked twice and slid the notes through the crack under the door. He started anxiously pacing, his mind going back to the constant battle in his mind that had been raging for the past 3 weeks. After a couple minutes of pacing, Hugo was just about to leave when he heard 2 knocks, and paper slide back under the crack. Instantly, the flurry of anxious thoughts started up again, worrying it would come back blank or with a note saying Varian wouldn't help him. His hands shook as he opened the notes to reveal.. the completed solution. He read the solution 2 3 4 times before a huge smile spread across his face and he laughed a huge genuine laugh he hadn’t used in two years. These notes meant 2 big things: One, he finally had a solution to an alchemy problem he’d had since he was nine. And two, the more important one in Hugo’s opinion, is that his brother doesn’t hate him. That scary thought had crossed his mind multiple times and he had always quickly shot it down, but there was always that one tiny voice who would always say, “But, does he though?” Now, that voice was as good as dead. Varian didn’t hate him. He wasn’t giving him the *total* silent treatment. Maybe he could work up from here, have conversations through the door, send notes, maybe even ask why he was doing any of this in the first place.Just as he’s about to leave for his lab to finish the ice bombs with the now completed formula, Hugo heard two knocks on the door and stopped. He wasn’t expecting anything else. He looked at the bottom of the door and saw a small stack of papers slide under and he picked them up. It was a stack of alchemy notes titled “Melting Bomb” The notes were full of blank spaces and question marks and there was a note attached that said:

Hugo-Please assist me in completing this formula for a melting alchemy bomb. I have been on and off of this project for the past few years, and some assistance would be much appreciated. Thank you.-Varian

As excited as Hugo was that his brother was reaching out to him, and actively looking for his help, he couldn’t help but feel a bit…disappointed at the formality of the note. As if Hugo were some stranger that Varian had just met and had to put up formalities and not his own brother. Nevertheless, he shouts a quick “Be right back!” and dashes off to his room to grab a quill and inkwell. While he runs, he reads over the notes and finds the answer fairly quickly. It wasn’t all that hard, it just was in desperate need of a fresh set of eyes. He scribbled down the answers as quick as possible, not wanting to keep Varian waiting. He runs back to Varians room, knocks 2 times and slips the notes under the door. After a couple of minutes, he hears a soft gasp, the quick scratching of a quill, and a new note being shoved under the door. Hugo picked up the note and stared at the messy handwriting and smiled. This was the big brother he remembered. Thanks for the help! Now go work on your project! This went on for the next few months with notes. Sometimes it wasn't just alchemy they talked about. It started simple, like “How’s your day going” and things like that.

Then it slowly evolved to things like “Get some rest Haristripe” and “You haven’t eaten yet today have you, Hugo?” (Both weren’t exactly the best at self care, especially when they were caught up in their work). The day Hugo finally heard Varian talk was one of the best days of his life. Obviously, he had heard his brother talk before, but it had been years since they had spoken, and as the time passed, Hugo’s memories of Varian’s voice faded. Plus, with the time passing, he knew his voice would have changed. So, when Varian finally said a soft “Thank you”, Hugo’s face lit up with a huge smile. He didn’t talk much, but when he did, Hugo treasured every word he said, committing them to memory. For a while, things were going great. Until one fateful day, when Hugo pushed his luck just a *bit* more than he probably should have. The day started out normal enough, Hugo worked on some experiments he didn’t finish last night, ate some lunch, and then after lunch he grabbed his notes that needed Varian’s help, and started making his way to his room. However, on the way, he realized that as happy as he was to be able to talk to Varian, it didn’t feel *right*. A relationship based solely on notes slipped under a door and minimal verbal talking felt like a false one. What Hugo wanted to know more than anything, was *why*. Why had Varian shut him and the rest of the world out? If it was so necessary, why hadn’t he at least attempted some form of contact? This one word question had plagued Hugo’s mind ever since the door had closed, and he had never really had the confidence to ask it: until now.

So, he went back to his room and wrote out a letter. It was simple, a little more formal than usual, but to the point. It read: Varian- We’ve been talking with each other for a while now, and I feel we are at a point where I can ask this question: Why? Why have you locked yourself in your room and away from the rest of the world? Was it something I did? You can answer as vaguely or specifically as you like, I just would really like some answers. Thanks, Hugo

His hands shook as he folded the letter and slid it under the door. He knew to give Varian a little extra time, this wasn’t just a simple math problem. So Hugo waited. And waited. And waited, until it was dinner time and his stomach forced him to get some food. The whole time, his mind was at war with itself once again: See? You just had to push your luck, didn’t you? He’s giving you the cold shoulder ‘cause you couldn’t leave well enough well enough. No! He’s not giving me the cold shoulder, he’s just taking his time to formulate a response. It’s probably a really long story. Keep telling yourself that. I will! ‘Cause it’s true! If the positive side of Hugo was right, Varian sure was taking his sweet old time, because it was 3 weeks before anything happened. Three weeks of absolute silence from the older prince. The only reason things changed was because Hugo took the brave first step of sliding alchemy notes through the door. Five minutes later, it came back with notes and edits. There were no additional quips, remarks, or any explanations like he had requested three weeks earlier, but this was better than silence. They soon fell back into the routine they had before: notes, minimal verbal communication, and various quips. It felt good to get back to that routine, but a small part of Hugo still ached for answers that he feared would never come. But he never acted on this, fearing that Varian would once again give him the cold shoulder, and this time would ignore him for good.(20/20)

((And there it is! The final part! I hope u enjoyed reading it, this is the first time ive really written something i didnt hate *and* am sharing this with someone. Thank you for taking the time to read this, this means more than u know. Thank you also for letting me take over ur inbox😅Next up im doing this story but w/ varians pov, which ive already started. Thx again! -💙

Ahhhhhh, first off, sorry for getting to this later than I usually do!! These past few weeks have been hectic and I’ve been needing to take a step back and focus more on school and classes and stuff, but I finally got to reading this and OMIGOSH I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!

(Hope you don’t mind if I just added in some italics and kinda changed the formatting to make it easier to read - didn’t take anything off or anything, but the way tumblr formats asks is a bit weird lol, hope that doesn’t offend you! - also number 7 somehow went missing? 😅)

But OMIGOSH YO - just my heart akfjajdjaj 🥺 The two of them building their relationship slowly through passing letters underneath the door? Oh my heart, and the way you can just feel them getting closer and happier because of it?

But then Hugo asking Varian the why - why did he shut him out, why was he behind the door, why can’t they see each other - and then Varian just suddenly going back to that stiff and formal demeanor after that akfjakfjja I cry ahhhhhhh-

“But he never acted on this, fearing that Varian would once again give him the cold shoulder, and this time would ignore him for good.” - JUST RIP MY HEART OUT BLUE NONNIE AHDKGKAKJD

I absolutely loved seeing Hugo’s hesitance then excitement and eagerness to get closer to his brother whom he barely even knows besides a few memories (and ha, I see the headache there 👀) and only to see that he went too far and the fragile bond they’d forged again had melted and akfjakfjaj the FEELS-

Thank you for sharing and for letting me read your writing! I’m excited to see what you’ve got next for Varian’s POV!!! 😱

[kendrixtermina]

Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.