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haechoxo · 4 months ago

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[6:42 pm]

"who was that guy you were with earlier?"

"can i have a minute to breathe before you start interrogating me? i'm still naked," you sighed, feeling slightly frustrated.

haechan just shrugged, a hint of curiosity in his eyes. "just wondering."

"you mean you're just jealous," you playfully teased, a slight smile forming on your lips. although you and haechan were only friends, there was an unspoken connection between you two. one text, and he would show up at your place in no time, but lately, those encounters had become less frequent.

"mark is a friend from college, remember? lee minhyung? you guys were practically roommates for a semester... he recently moved back home and wanted to catch up, that's all," you reassured him, hoping to ease any concerns. he responded with a muttered "okay" before grabbing his clothes. it had become somewhat of a routine, his presence in your home dwindling. he stayed for shorter periods, making you feel somewhat unsettled.

"the guys are planning to have breakfast together this friday. you’ll be there, right?" you asked, trying to break the awkward silence that seemed to taint your recent one-on-one encounters.

"yeah, i think so. renjun will give me an earful if i don't show up for another group outing," haechan replied, chuckling lightly. maybe things weren't changing after all. satisfied with his response, you murmured a quick "good" and left it at that.

"alright, i’ll be heading out now, got shit to do," he added without any endearing nicknames—no "babe," "angel," "baby," or "honey." nothing.

"oh, okay. see you friday then," you said, offering a half-hearted smile, hesitant to lean in for a hug, let alone a kiss. but he didn't seem to share your hesitation. he simply left, hands in his pockets, giving you a solitary nod.

as you fell back onto the bed that suddenly felt much larger than it did just ten minutes ago, letting out a shaky exhale, realizing you had been holding your breath.

what is happening?

a/n ; first post… 😟 beginning part of an extremely old wip i wrote instead of paying attention to my lecture during my first semester of college i think,, like late 2022😹 its kind of corny and im annoyed at how short it is,, theres more but i doubt it’ll be finished let alone posted because most of my wips are usually silly little dreams based on songs and i struggle with adding substance to make my work longer blah blah blaaahh theres also lots of changes to be made because this was originally a jeonghan piece!! crazy,, anyways lmk what u think, advice is appreciated! xoxo jelly

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nereidprinc3ss · 9 months ago

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okay i know this is kind of a specific request but can you do something with professor Spence and uni reader where they get into a spat and argue bc she did something stupid and he gets mad and she’s like “noooo pls don’t be mad i hate when you’re mad at me I’m sorry🥺” bc she literally cannot function knowing she let him down (me with everybody) but he’s like super stubborn and goes all closed up and quiet so that he doesn’t like blow up on her until she finally says like “pls talk to me” and he’s all pissed and like “hell na bitch u crazy!🗣️‼️” but then later he’s like “it’s ok i love u but neva do that shit again ho” then they make up and it’s good again 🎀 ok i explained that so poorly (and comedically if i may) but i hope u get it and pls make it SO DRAMATIC bc I live for drama! like she steals test answers or something or does something that could like get her kicked out of school OR him lose his job 🤔 sigh … idk I’m leaving now. Also i LOOPOOOCE ORRKGOOVI love your fics. Luv em

hey girl (gender neutral) this made me laugh bc genuinely sometimes i write spencer so ooc that is what he sounds like. and i'm not sorry! anyway this is potentially a vyvanse fueled nightmare but i wrote it and i'm posting it MY BLOG MY RULES BITCHESSSS!!!! but genuinely read the content warning LMAO this one got a lil kick to it

warnings/tags: ANGST, HURT/COMFORT, fem!reader, spencer and r get into a for real argument like they're mean to each other, spencer is a lil toxic but its resolved, emotionally neglects reader just for a teeensy second but then he's really nice and sweet again, discussion of his past addic+ion, gets fluffy because i'm not EVIL, gets suggestive at the end bc i am secretly evil.......

a/n: i don't know whats happening. this confuses me just as much as it confuses you. its 3 am in the morning. im gonna post nice happy things soon. Gootbye

“I cannot believe you right now. I don’t even—I don’t even know what to say.”

“Spencer, you don’t have to say anything. It has nothing to do with you, and I’m not looking for your approval.”

He looks up from where he’d been rubbing his temples, like you’re a headache, eyebrows raised and lips parted in indignant disbelief.

“Oh! You’re not looking for my approval? Well thank god for that, because if you were one of my students I would recommend expulsion to the board.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I just said I don’t care about your opinion on this, much less your hypothetical opinion from some alternate universe where you have any authority over my education whatsoever.”

“You distributed an answer key to half of your class! Objectively this is the kind of thing that gets people expelled. I don’t understand how someone so smart could do something so fucking stupid.”

The words bite more than you were prepared for—but what hurts even more is how much he seems to mean them. In arguments past you’d both said things you didn’t mean, and then would immediately melt into I’m so sorry’s and the fight would resolve itself. Spencer’s clenched jaw and inability to make eye contact with you do not lend themselves to tender apologies. They cannot be attributed to miscommunication.

You take a step closer to where he’s bracing himself against the countertop, arms crossed defensively in front of your chest.

“Spencer, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was such a big deal. People cheat in college all the time.”

Still no reply. His head shakes so minutely you wonder if you’re imagining it. Panic wells in your chest.

“Please talk to me. I really hate when you ice me out. I’m sorry, okay? Just... please say something.”

Finally, his eyes slide to you. They lack the fiery anger of moments ago but there’s not much softness there either. His normally warm gaze now feels too abrasive, too cold and sharp on your bare skin. You're exposed, much too soft for that grating look, and it feels like he can see everything that’s wrong with you.

“Believe me when I tell you this. I am doing us both a favor by not speaking to you right now.”

And then he’s leaving the kitchen—nothing but a breeze against your cheek and the sound of a door slamming to prove he was ever there.

The apartment is silent. You stand in the middle of the kitchen, unsure of what to do next. Spencer very, very rarely gets angry at you to the point of neglect, and you know he’s doing his best with what was modelled for him as a child and his tendency to feel things so deeply it’s nearly disabling; but that doesn’t make it hurt much less. It doesn’t make you feel less abandoned or alone.

You’re sad, and you’re still pissed, and maybe you’re in just a bit of shock as you robotically move back to your nest of blankets on the couch and resume your schoolwork. What else is there to do? Unless Spencer is right—unless you really are about to get expelled after getting the answer key for an upcoming test from a friend, who then gave it to another friend, and so on. But is that really your fault?

It’s a struggle to stay focused as your mind keeps drifting back to Spencer in the other room, those cruel words and that cold steely look in his eye that isn’t supposed to ever be aimed at you. It’s not a secret that side of him exists, but it doesn’t belong in this apartment. It’s not something he needs to use against you. He’s supposed to be on your side. But instead, he’d said you should be expelled and essentially called you stupid. And now you’re doing homework for a class at a school you may not even be a student of come Monday.

---------------------------------------------------

The sound of the office door opening forty-five minutes later spikes your blood pressure and simultaneously makes your heart flutter, because no matter how mad at him you might be, Spencer is still Spencer.

He comes to stand behind the couch quietly, but you don’t acknowledge him. Maybe your typing gets a bit more aggressive, but aside from that you flat out reject his presence.

“Can we talk?”

You let him sweat for a minute as you finish your paragraph.

“I don’t know, Spencer. Can we? Or are you not done with your temper tantrum?”

“That is... well deserved,” he sighs, rounding the couch and tapping the bottom of your foot, signaling that he wants you to move your legs. You despise how automatically you comply, pulling your knees to your chest to avoid touching him as he sits next to you. There’s a long moment of silence, in which you resume typing. Spencer scoffs, leaning in slightly to peer at your screen. “Are you doing homework right now? I’m a complete asshole to you and you just... do your homework?"

“What the fuck else was I supposed to do?” you almost-yell, slamming your laptop shut and blinking away potential tears. “The only person I wanted to talk to called me stupid and fucking left!”

The tears realize their potential once you admit the blunt truth.

Spencer carefully moves your laptop and pulls you into his arms—and you just let him. There’s not much fight left in you. There wasn’t a lot to begin with.

“I am so sorry, angel. You’re right, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have yelled, I shouldn’t have said what I said, I shouldn’t have walked away. I overreacted.”

“Yeah, you really did,” you cry, allowing him to run his hand over your hair. “Why did you do that? Why were you so fucking mean?”

His voice shakes slightly as he responds, betraying his own anxieties, and a new, unwelcome sense of trepidation slithers through your veins.

“I was wondering that, too. Even as I was saying it, I knew—I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to be saying. And then I was in the other room and I wanted to be out here, and I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t. But I think I was just scared. Which—I know, doesn’t really make sense, but... I think about when Ethan dropped out of the academy, and ended up doing heroin in New Orleans for three years, and I think about when I almost left the BAU because I was so convinced I’d never get clean that I didn’t even want to anymore, and—and the idea of you losing your education and your direction like that terrified me, probably unreasonably, and I took it out on you. And I’m sorry.”

“But I’m not like you or Ethan. You don’t have to worry about that. Even if I... even I do get in some sort of disciplinary trouble. That’s a road you don’t have to worry about me going down, ever.”

He fixes some unseen wrinkle on your shirt.

“Yeah, but, remember... I used to not be like me or Ethan either. Do you think twelve-year-old Spencer would have ever even considered that of the infinite realities and universes which exist, he was living in one where someday he’d be shooting up in the bathroom at work?”

“Mm-mm,” you hum, shaking your head and burying your face in Spencer’s shoulder. The sound is more of a plea for him to be less descriptive than an answer to his rhetorical question. It’s still much easier for him to talk about that part of his life than it is for you to have to actually imagine it. You didn’t know him then, but you’ve seen pictures, and you know Spencer now, and it’s... it’s just too much. Too sad.

“Okay,” he agrees soothingly, still playing with your hair. “I digress. My point is that literally anything is possible, and while it’s not necessarily likely, I more than anyone know that anxiety even over the most improbable of things is never completely unfounded.”

You sniffle in response, too emotionally and physically exhausted to contribute much to the conversation by this point. Thankfully, Spencer can talk for two. An idiosyncrasy which you love and comes in handy every once in a while. He can play his own devil’s advocate; in this case, you.

“But that doesn’t mean I get to take it out on you. Ever. I truly, truly, sincerely apologize for that. I never want to hurt you.”

You let the apology sink into your skin like a salve, soothing every abrasion those earlier words had left in their violent wake.

After a few minutes, you find the energy to ask a question that might best remain unanswered.

“Are you still mad at me?”

He’s quiet for a beat, seemingly contemplative as his fingers trace abstract patterns in a language all his own on your arm.

“I’m not thrilled. But you were right earlier. It’s not my place to be mad at you for something like that.”

“Mm... it’s a little bit your place. You’re an actual professor.”

He chuckles.

“At an entirely different university.”

“Thank god,” you laugh. “You and me at the same school would be such an HR clusterfuck.”

While it’s almost a serious matter, the smile in his voice is evident.

“Yeah... I, uh... try not to think about it.”

“Okay, but seriously. In your professional opinion. Am I fucked? Like, do I need to prepare an appeal and character witnesses or whatever?”

Spencer sighs.

“It was incredibly reckless and irresponsible. You should be ready for disciplinary pushback from the schoolboard if you get caught. That being said... because over sixty of you got a hold of the answer key, I doubt anyone is getting expelled, and even if they did, it would likely only be the TA and the student he gave the key to. It’s my tentative, professional opinion that you’ll probably be fine.”

You relax slightly, allowing a tension you didn’t realize was there to shed like an old skin.

“I’m not gonna cheat again,” you promise on an exhale. It’s simply too much risk for too little reward.

Spencer’s response is quiet, and comes much faster than you’d expected.

“Oh, I know you aren’t. Because if you do, you’re going to have to worry about disciplinary action from me. And I’m not nearly as nice as the dean of your school, darling girl.”

But something about the way he says it—a thinly veiled threat/promise contrasted by a sweet kiss to your forehead—doesn’t exactly make academic honesty look all that exciting.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you

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turcott3 · 8 months ago

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all of you

juraj slafkovský x establishedgf! reader

warnings?: cursing, angst, crying, kissing, mentions of smut, fluff that will make your teeth fall out

masterlist

recently, after a promotion, you’d been blowing up on social media. gaining a massive following. you could never keep up with the impossible amount of likes and comments you began to receive but it excited you at the opportunities that it laid out in front of you.

you heard the front door of your apartment shut, yet again followed by silence. the last couple of days have been like this. he comes home from practice and you ask him how it went. your only response being the bedroom door shutting. you sighed at the sound of the shower turning on. you didn’t understand why he was acting this way. you didn’t know what was going on.

“hello?” arber asks on the other end of the line.

“hey arb, do you have a second to talk?” you ask chewing on your fingernails.

“yeah i do, what’s up?”

“is juraj okay? he’s been acting so weird. he used to chat with me after he gets home but now i just ask him how his practice went and he walks right past me and slams the bedroom door. he won’t talk to me about it.”

“y/n i’m gonna be honest with you right now, he’s been having a really hard time. he’s been so hard on himself. he’s been very delicate. less chatty, less smiley. it really fucking sucks. this season has started out less than ideal for him and it’s so hard seeing him go through this. i can’t believe he’s been keeping it from you.”

“i mean i guess it might have something to do with all of the craziness happening in my life, maybe he feels like he doesn’t wanna burden me?”

“that could be it honestly, i think he’s feeling a little insecure. just talk to him, okay? i know you can get him to open up, he’s fucking crazy about you. keep me updated.”

“okay, i will. thank you arber.”

“yeah of course,” he replies as you bid your goodbyes and hang up the phone. it shattered your heart knowing that he was keeping his struggles from you. all because he didn’t wanna dampen your recent successes.

“baby?” you ask as you hear your bedroom door shut. you turned to see your boyfriend sporting a pair of pajama pants and no shirt. a sight that would never get old to you. you hop up off the couch and meet him in the kitchen.

“hi pretty girl.” he giggles, pulling you to him, engulfing you in a tight hug.

“any new developments?” you reply pulling away from him.

“nah not really, everything seems um,” he pauses, “normal, for the most part.”

you noted the shift in his demeanor and figured you should change the subject, at least for now. you watched as the boy prepared lunch for the two of you.

“my little chef, or should i say big.” you giggle watching him from the bar.

“i didn’t cook any of this, i made a sandwich.” he giggles turning around and showing you.

“either way, you made it.”

“i guess you’re right.” he laughs, finishing them up and plopping them down in front of you. you sat in silence as you both at your sandwiches. typically, lunch was filled with lots of chatter. it was bothering you that he was acting so standoffish.

“j, is everything okay? you’re worrying me.” you frown at him.

“uh yeah, i’m fine. why?” he asks with a mouth full of his last bite.

“can we sit down and talk please.” you request and he nods, following you to the living room. leaving your sandwich behind.

“what has been going on with you? you’re not acting like yourself. every time you walk in, you ignore me. i can see you’re upset about something. baby please tell me what’s going on with you? i need to know if something is bothering you. you know im always here for you.” you say grabbing onto his hand and bringing it into your lap.

“i know i know, i just didn’t wanna kill your mood because of all the good things you have going for you right now. i didn’t want you to be worrying about me.” he says, his lip beginning to quiver and voice cracking quietly.

“well i am. tell me whats going on.” you press him.

“i’m not playing good, i know it’s the start of the season but i’m not playing good at all. i have like no points. i’m not practicing well, and i’m getting drilled to hell for it. so i’m just being hard on myself. i feel beat down and insecure as fuck.” he says, wiping the tears he didn’t let roll all the way down his cheek.

“j,” you frown, “i’m sorry it’s been going badly for you. you know i’m here for you always. please just come to me when you need support okay? and why are you feeling insecure?” you lightly wipe away his tears with your thumb. holding his face lovingly between your hands.

“i’ve spent my spare time, outside of shitty practice, looking at your instagram comments. logan cooley is real interested in taking you out. he’s made that very apparent.” he sighs, sniffling.

“who the fuck is logan cooley?” you reply, furrowing your brows, tilting his head up to look at you.

“he was a high draft pick from my year.” he sighs.

“you do know the only players i know are you and your teammates right?” you giggle.

“yeah i know, but im sure you see those comments and look at their accounts and stuff, and i think to myself that maybe you’d wanna give them a chance. i don’t know it’s stupid.” he admits to you, losing eye contact.

“baby what the fuck are you talking about?” you reply, confused as ever.

“i don’t even know at this point.”

“honey, i don��t even take time to open my comments section. it’s full of bullshit, i only respond to yours and some of my friends, i don’t even look at anything else. so i don’t even care what goes on in mine, especially with what im dragged through in yours.” you answer in a light tone, hopefully getting some kind of confidence from him.

“what?”

“let me lead with saying i am in no way trying to discount your feelings, okay? i love you and i wouldn’t ever do that to you. but everyday there are countless random women and fucking 16 year old girls who sit in your comments section and trash on me. ‘she doesn’t deserve him’ ‘she’s too ugly for him’. that’s my reality juraj. no one ever puts you down in my comments, not that it makes it better, but do you see where i’m coming from?”

“i’m sorry i didn’t know.” he frowns, squeezing your hand.

“it’s okay my love, they don’t bother me.” you reply, squeezing back.

“why not?”

“because i know you’re the only one for me.” you smile sweetly at him, placing a kissing on the soft skin of his cheek before nuzzling your head in the crook of his neck as he takes you into his lap.

“you make me feel safe and warm and loved. i couldn’t ever get that from someone else. you’re so caring and sweet with me, i honestly do question how much i deserve you sometimes. when we have sex it’s so much more than just sex, it’s fucking love, juraj. you love me so much and i can feel it everyday. it goes without questioning. never once have i ever even thought about leaving you.” you say, toying with the curls on the back of his head that you’d grown so fond of as they grew longer.

“that makes me feel a lot better. i’ve never been with anyone who loves and cares about me this much, it’s scary sometimes. i have a hard time navigating because all girls have ever wanted from me is my money and attention. you’ve completely flipped my expectations baby. i don’t know how to apologize for how i’ve been acting. i love you so much, i can’t even comprehend it.” he replies. you lean up in his grasp, connecting your lips with his softly, and lovingly.

“i’m gonna marry you j. i just know it.” you say practically in a whisper with your forehead pressed to his.

“i don’t even know what to say, i love you y/n. so fucking much.” is all he replies before pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek.

“you don’t need to say anything, i just wanted to tell you how i feel so you’d maybe give me your gorgeous smile in return.” you say as he smiles widely. you press a kiss to his head with a laugh.

“tomorrow you’re going into practice with your chin held high, and that pretty smile on your face. you hear me? i’ll get you there no matter what i have to do.” you say placing your hand on his cheek.

“i trust you.” he giggles before you tackle him over in a kiss, leaving all of your prior worries behind. you were obsessed with the way he made you all warm and fuzzy inside. obsessed with the way he loved you, physically and emotionally. but mostly, you were obsessed with the way he loved all of you.

#juraj slafkovsky #juraj slafkovsky x reader #juraj slafkovsky imagine #montreal canadiens #arber xhekaj #nhl #nhl imagine #turcs’ talk

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sturniccz · 11 months ago

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Pretty boy

Chris Sturniolo smut. If you dont like it, leave.

slightly inspired by a request i received, but not fully because im not comfortable writing the full request, this is what yall get😭😭💕

Warnings: nothing crazy tbh, mommy kink, sumbissive chris, slight age gap, oral, fem receiving, swearing, lmk if i missed anything!

not proofread, feel free to send requests!

___________________🎀__________________

Being best friends with your older brothers, coworker does have its perks, but at times like these, when all Chris wants to feel is love, He swears he would do anything. He has never really been into relationships, or any kind of love feeling other than the love he has for his family, but as for y/n, Justin‘s coworker at his new location for his job, he has discovered a new feeling that he has never felt before, which somehow scares him.

Every time he’s with Justin, y/n is there also. After a significant amount of time of knowing each other, they have grown to be very close with each other, regardless of their age gap. With Chris being freshly 20 years, old, and Laila, being 25, it almost feels illegal to have such feelings for her. But he didn’t care, all he wanted was to make her feel good. Thats what she deserves.

Another night crept upon Chris and he cant help but feel the absence of her not being in the house like usual. After some thought, he decided to send her a message politely asking her to come over. Regardless of her being so hesitant, he insisted, and eventually she caved.

After about 15 minutes there was three soft knocks at the front door, and Chris quickly jumped up, walking to the front of the house to greet her. He was excited, and it was obvious from the slight tent in his sweatpants.

“Hey Chris, how are you doing? Why did you want me to come over so late?” she breathes. “Its only 10,” he replies, “and plus im your favorite co-workers little brother, right?” he asks, only half serious, trying to keep a conversation going. “Well, I suppose I dont know any boys better than you.” She chuckles.

This caused Chris to freeze. He began to get lost in his thoughts, staring at her as she makes her way into the kitchen, grabbing herself a drink and getting comfortable on the couch. Chris makes his way over to sit next to her, noticing that she’s significantly keeping her distance from him.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?” she quietly suggests, almost as a way to erase some of the deafening silence between the two. “U-uh sure, you can pick.” He stutters. She chuckles at his remark. “You sure you’re alright pretty boy?” she laughs, an inside joke, of course she didn’t mean it whenever she calls him pretty boy, but she is completely unaware of the affect it has on the boy. Physically.

“Yeah it’s nothing just put on whatever you want” he says, trying his best to just end this painfully flirty conversation in fear of her noticing his boner.

Not even ten minutes pass by and Chris can’t seem to keep his eyes off of her. She’s so gorgeous its almost unreal, as if shes a genuine angel that got lost on the way to heaven. Her hair is so perfect the way it rests across her shoulders, and the way her necklace looks laying against her collarbones. He could look at her forever, but he couldn’t, he might just die from getting so horny.

“Alright why are you staring at me? Do i have something on my face?” She snaps, not meaning to startle him, but still coming across as angry. He loved it.

“No, sorry.” He breathes as he reverts his attention back to the film on the screen. Less than ten seconds later he’s staring again. “Alright Chris stop doing that.” She says, using the same tone as before and somehow getting even deeper under his skin. “O-okay, i’m sorry,” he says looking into his lap, “i just think you’re pretty.” he finishes. “You think im pretty? Chris you’ve hardly ever spoken to be before why are you telling me this?” she questions, slightly confused and slightly turned on. “I just wanna make you feel special, wanna show you love, wanna be good for you. Am i good for you?” he blurts out, hardly thinking.

She is completely stunned by his words, but chooses to play along, with the boy now laying his head and shoulders in her lap. “Of course. You’re good for me Chrissy, always.” she says looking down at him, playing with his hair. “Do you wanna show me how good you can be? Show me how much you love me, baby?” she says as he slowly sits up, looking at her in the eyes. “Y-Yeah? You mean it?” he asks, a bit hesitant about what he had said. She nods.

“Be a good boy for mommy and touch me, yeah?” She is completely in control. Chris is practically at her mercy at the moment, and he is fucking loving it. Chris lets out a small whine as he begins trailing his hand down her torso, stopping just above her waistband. He looks at her for a nod pf approval one last time before finally making his way down her body.

After quickly removing her leggings, he leaves a long trail of wet, open mouthed kisses from the crook of her neck all the way down to her panties. He licks a stripe from the bottom to the top of her pussy over the pink, lace fabric, stopping right at her heat. Her hand slowly makes its way to his hair, slightly pushing down. “Go ahead baby, show mommy how much you love her.” She’s good at this. Really fucking good. So good that Chris begins riding the fabric of the couch he was previously sat on, trying to get any amount of friction he could.

He loved eating pussy. So much so that he didn’t even consider any foreplay, he went straight in, tongue fucking the older girl, looking straight into her eyes. “Oh fuck, Chris! God your mouth is amazing-“ she cuts herself off with a moan as he slips a finger into her. “God- Fuck, Chris!” she moans biting her lip. “Good boy, baby, such a good boy for me. Keep going baby you’re doing so good-“ she says looking down at him as he lets out a guttural moan at the names.

Chris is a slut for praise. Her fingers curled in his scalp as he adds another finger, in hopes of getting more praise from her, now curling upwards. “Fuck, yes right there! Oh god-“ she says arching her back. Chris removes his mouth, replacing it with his thumb temporarily. “You’re so pretty mommy, I can never get enough of you.” he says leaving kisses to the inside of her thighs before returning to her heat. “Fuck Chris- Im gonna cum! Gonna cum on your fingers, yeah, baby? You gonna be a good boy and l-let me cum on your hand?” she says stuttering and arching her back. He nods in agreement, remaining eye contact before her eyes squeezed shut and she threw her head back. Letting out the sluttiest moans and whimpers, she finally finishes on Chris’ fingers, watching as he pulls them out and placing them into his mouth, sucking off the juices.

“God thats hot.” she admits. “You calling me a good boy is hot for fucks sake.” he breathes. “You want me to take care of you?” She asks, looking at the obvious bulge in Chris’ sweats. “No, I just wanna sleep. M’tired” Chris says before snuggling into her space between her neck and her chest. “Okay Chrissy, you get some sleep. You did good for me, love.” She says as she watches his breathing steady and him slowly drift off into a deep, very much needed sleep.

Lmk if you want to be removed from my tag list, ive just composed a few people like my mutuals etc

Tags: @daddyslilchickenfingers @apclyptc @byerreddue @chrisenthusiast @christophersfilm @ciarasturn1 @christinarowie332 @lovingmattysposts @mangosrar @oversturn @plasticferal @recklesssturniolo @softsturn @sturnsbaby @sturniolosluvv @sturniscz

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months ago

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Am I the asshole for calling a (now ex-) mutual a stingy asshole?

So to start, I (NB20) am in a pretty rough situation, I'm facing homelessness soon, transphobia at home and work and my hours have been getting cut resulting in me making even less money that can sustain me. I have a toyhou.se forum post up stating I have emergency commissions open to help me out and to please support me if you can. This is where the situation begins. I have a mutual on toyhou.se who I'll call Apple (MTF22) I talk to sometimes to the point I'd say we are friends, not super close but friends nonetheless. She made a bulletin telling people about my commissions and to please comm me if they could which I'm very grateful for since I did get a few customers from her because of that. The thing is, a few weeks later, she made a bulletin talking about how happy she was so many commissions she bought were finished around the same time and posted all of them with the artists tagged in the post. It was honestly... quite a few, I'm talking like 9 pieces of art of her fursona and even a custom vtuber model she got of her sona. I was going to reply all happy for her, but it made me think... how much did she spend on those commissions?? So I went through all the artists socials to find their commission prices and came to a total of fucking $385!!! More than half of my current goal I'm trying to make through commissions to stay out of homelessness!! So I messaged Apple saying since I saw she bought a few commissions if she was interested in buying a comm from me. She replies saying "Ohh! I'd love to <333 but im just not in a place to buy any more comms right now :< sorry >.<!!" So I casually reply really? because it seems like your in the perfect place to help me out after already spending over $300 in commissions. She tells me she's sorry and really wishes someone would be able to help me out but she just wasn't that interested in my art or a custom to which I tell her she could've easily donated to my ko-fi which I have always had since she clearly has money to spend? To this, she straight up IP blocks me. So still fucking annoyed, I vented in a discord server I share with a few friends from being in a few shared CS together, saying how annoying it is rich assholes like her would drop half a thousand for a picture of their fursona but don't even blink twice at their so called friends. anyway, one of my friends takes a look at Apples th profile and notices she has a new bulletin up and sends me a screenshot, but anways the bulletin reads like "hey!! just saying, but please dont come into my dms acting like you know my financial situation better than i do, just because i buy a lot of commissions doesnt mean im made of money! and please dont think that me commisioning artist 1 means i hate artist 2? thats so weird, thanks!!!!!" and seeing all their subscribers just kissing her ass pissed me off so i made my own bulletin that just stated "i thought it was pretty fucking weird to know how bad ur friend's situation was and to go buy a bunch of comms instead of buying a comm from or even throwing a buck to help me out? like yeah im gonna think i know ur situation better than u, you stingy fuck!!!" Anyway, she mustve been block evading (which I reported her for) since she unblocked me, took a screenshot of my bulletin, then went on about how she lived in an abusive household; her dad had thrown her into a sink and chipped her tooth, bruised half her face and scarred it pretty badly. She bought a bunch of commissions immediately afterwards in a panic to make herself feel better, paying everything with her savings. Which to me.. isn't an excuse. Ive been hit and abused and still found scraps of money to pull together to give to mutuals who need it and Ive been bumping my own post like crazy and she had literal weeks to donate or comm me. Not to mention Ive had exmutuals of hers come to me saying that shes never donated anything to them either despite advertising their posts but always had money for plushies, comms and other crap, meaning Im not alone in thinking shes a stingy asshole. This is getting long, so here, tumblr AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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anasthesiaemporium · 3 months ago

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im just gonna dump a ushioi idea running around in my head for a sec

post- "what do you think of my petty pride now" "i think it's fantastic", crazy misunderstanding ensues

Oikawa is surprised by how *nice* Ushijima is and as he reflects on the other man's past actions and current behaviour he has come to the conclusion that Ushijima probably likes him in a less than platonic sense

In Oikawa's defense, Ushijima sending him flowers whenever he won an award or just because he said he was having a couple of shitty days, asking him out to dinner whenever either of them was in town, buying him a signed jersey of one of his childhood idols for his birthday

Oikawa calls Iwaizumi up and says "so, ushijima isn't half bad." and Iwaizumi says, "yeah, he's nice" "you think so?" "yeah, he's a great guy." "really?" "oh yeah definitely." "interesting..."

So, for about let's say two to four months, Oikawa thinks Ushijima has been trying to date him and he becoming less and less opposed to the idea by the day

Until he finds out that Ushijima is Just Like That to everyone

Oikawa is LIVID. He calls Iwachan to complain about it but Iwaizumi just says, "I told you. He's nice!" "I thought you meant like he was nice for me!" "Why would he be nice for you, shittykawa?" "Fuck you!" "Oh, you've fallen for him. That's hilarious. Good luck fighting his former kouhai, Sakusa Kiyoomi, and whoever his grandmother has lined up for him for his affections. Bye."

Oikawa confronts Ushijima who is very apologetic which pisses off Oikawa more because he's very much embarassed and Ushijima doesn't seem fazed at all, like this happens to him ALL THE TIME. Ushijima says it does.

Oikawa questions why he acts the way he does because that's not normal! Ushijima replies, - "I saw an article in a magazine where it list down ways to make others like you. I just followed that." "Jesus Christ Ushibaka, you're a bigger idiot than I thought. Unfortunately, I'm still very attracted to you." "Excuse me?"

Oikawa says that he doesn't treat everyone the way he treats Ushijima. Ushijima is secretly delighted

Oikawa asks him out and then they finally go on their first date ever.

The end???

#ushioi

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egtotaldramatakes · 14 days ago

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Long ass text about Geoff’s character, and what I wish could have been done . Also, skip to the bottom, which is the pink text if you don’t feel like reading the yap I gave

I wish geoff could have a bigger role throughout seasons 2-3 then 8 , the writers couldve done something more with him i guess

I know its just a cartoon/kids show, therefore not needing so much lore any kid can’t understand

. . but i like to imagine that TDA geoff didn’t actually revert back to being a wild party guy - rather continued his behaviour onto later seasons and sort of went crazy to the point he realises hes not himself anymore too

Geoffs the kinda guy to enjoy fame . Im projecting myself onto him now and its possible for him to become so obsessed with his attention and pride to the point he entirely changes

I’m an artist, I guess so. I’m not saying i’m famous, but for a while i feel like i did feel famous - and during my lovely era, i guess i did change how i acted towards others. i was getting more into drawing, less of playing and hanging out for the sake of seeing more likes and views

Crazy how fame changes you, its common . anyway, my point is, if the writers did correctly use the time he had for aftermath - they couldve made aftermath a little more interesting by making him tweak out more often and a much more relatable person for anyone whos been affected by. fame changing issues and stuff (Perhaps addiction too. I kind of see geoff having an addiction to pleasing others and fame)

I hope you get what i mean . Just, imagine TDA Geoff that’s a little more crazy and terrible but you can understand why he does it. He just wants fame. That’s what the little guy just wants, just the world to look at him, thats part of his talents which is to become popular and known, and he wants to make the best of it

Anyway back onto why i wish he didn’t revert to a wild party guy..

He could keep his party traits but just .. Damn!! write him a little more mature ! ! He’s at 19, he should be somewhat smarter.. But right now, his RR self to me is just a dumb guy. I like dumb guys, but RR geoff is a LOT dumber than TDI geoff. To me, he should be a little more grown up i suppose . He’s awesome, chill and still my favourite, but he feels like he’s another one of those characters that turned 1-dimensional..,,

What if RR geoff was more mature, and slightly anxious about how people viewed him? Like what i mentioned, i stopped hanging out often to focus on my art and to grow views on my account.

That didn’t end well, some of my friends ghosted me in return. Some of my friends felt like i treated them like shit because of the dry replies i gave. Yes, I’m sadly admitting that while I didn’t hang out as much, I also gave shitty messages and texts just to easily brush them off and to go back to my drawings

So, considering that, geoff must have also had friends that started seeing him a lot more different . and began to sort of dislike him - i think bridgette, at some point didn’t recognise who he was as well. i know a lot of people notice this too . It’s a common effect of being driven by fame and changing yourself

And, i feel like in the process of growing up from when he was 17 and to 19, he must have thought at some point, had he not been obsessed with fame - people wouldnt dislike him.

geoff obviously doesn’t want anyone to dislike him, he wants to be chill with everyone . possibly, zero tension. But, then, he knows that he can’t undo things, therefore that impression of himself by his friends that used to like him will always remain

Following up on that, it greatly affects him in the future with how people think of him .. he becomes extremely guilty of his actions, and naturally stressed with first-time impressions than he was with people before. He supposedly should feel more laid-back when talking to others for the first time, but now he feels that he should tone down on his excitement and appears a little more awkward .

This seems like a lame boring text, but in summary,

I wish the time Geoff was knocked with some sense impacted the audience more. Dragging out the climax of him changing differently due to fame and then shattering him completely by making him realise himself that he’s began to lose complete control over himself .

Not by an electric chair, literally, just himself alone after possibly losing everything and then finally . . realising he was the one that was being shitty to others. Then, when he grows up, the incident he had brought upon himself actually affects him and he no longer ends up being all that fun and out going, maybe more mature and careful about others around him.

His guilt haunts him in RR, and I wish the writers wrote things that made him remember how he acted in TDA, and that just deeply hurts him during the races which also in a way, distracts him from competing properly . His bud Brody has a better role, to try and help Geoff realise he’s changed for the better

Last thing. I doubt anyone would read into Geoff’s character, most of the people I see in this fandom barely cares about him.. But for those who atleast want to look into him more..!!!

#I couldn’t have said this better if I tried #this is incredible and so are you geoffparty #total drama #egtotaldramatakes #tdi #td #geoff total drama

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mattphobiia · 9 months ago

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SMOKE SESSION.

we sat outside hiding behind the back of matt's car that was parked in the garage as we took turns passing over the joint while we updated each other on our lives. we were originally hanging out with matt and chris when they started bickering on about some crap we didn't understand and was stressing us both out.

"so, what's going on with you?" i ask, still holding the joint before taking a long drag, inhaling sharply as i watch the left over smoke escape my mouth.

"ill be honest, not much has been happening . just regular stuff with the channel, but everything is slow right now." he sighs, taking the joint off me before rolling his eyes, taking a deep puff.

"fair enough, but i mean isn't it so cool that we are just down here smoking weed? imagine if one of your brothers catches us! that would be funny."

"its not like its illegal, besides we are both twenty so we can do what we want."

"well, technically it is illegal." i add in before snatching it away from him as he gives me a death stare in response.

"did i ask you to be smart? you know what i meant, its not the end of the world." he huffs, leaning his head against the car. "you have to admit though, smoking weed here feels so surreal."

"couldn't agree more." i reply, laughing as i pass nick the joint again which was almost running out, but he declines.

"just have the rest, im already high enough." he laughs, and i nod before bringing it back to my lips. "honestly, life feels great when im high with you. you're an asshole sometimes, but so am i and thats what makes us best friends."

"well that was rude, but yes, i agree. we need to do this more often, but maybe with the others though because they might get mad if they discovered we smoked without them."

"i dont think matt will get that mad since he only smokes to calm his nerves, but chris would act like a big baby and have one of his little tantrums." nick laughs.

"nothings new with him then, what a surprise." i roll my eyes, both of us laughing to ourselves like maniacs. i always had the best times with nick, sober or intoxicated. he always made life seem less stressful and scary, like all my worries just disappeared for a while when i was around him. sometimes i questioned if he was secretly magic because my negativity goes away so fast i didnt know whether to believe if he was just cursing me or something, or a blessing. i think im just crazy.

MASTERLIST

a/n: something a lil different😛 also im just adding that this is not romantic whatsoever and only platonic (unless you identify as male and want to interpret it that way then go ahead but other than that no), i was also getting high myself when i suddenly got this idea so i wrote down a summary of what i was thinking and i dont actually write about nick much so i wanted to base it off him buttttt.... HOORAY! thank u all sm for all the support again i just appreciate u all so much like fr can i kiss u (jokes) i might write another lil series involving my boy matthew but nothing has came to mind yet so keep a look out;3

#sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick x reader #matt x reader #chris x reader #sturniolo x reader

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moonferry · 3 months ago

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what's that?? oh yeah, its fsioy chapter 5 babeyyy!!!

OMG HEY. this is it. this is the scene ive been daydreaming about for WEEKS and we finally got to it. im so happy. shoutout to the 3 people who've consistently read this story. u guys are so swag and cool and epic. i hope you enjoy this little soft chapter because shit is about to hit the fan. teehee. also wow this one is so long i didnt realize that while writing. Oops

chapter summary: jodi responds to kent's confession and expresses her own feelings. kent does some deep thinking (tm) and asks jodi a hard question.

word count: 2345 (wow)

warnings: none that i can think of? mentions of time/limited time/time running out tho

ao3 linkie -> here

other chapters: chapter masterlist

“What?” Jodi asked, her eyes widening in a mixture of surprise and horror. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Surely Kent was joking. How could he be in love with her? They had only known each other for a few months and - according to her mother - it took years to love someone. There had to be a reasonable explanation for Kent’s crazy outburst, right? He couldn’t actually be in love with her, could he?

“I think I’m in love with you,” Kent repeated, anxiously scanning Jodi’s face. He noted her expression and grimaced. So much for making it less awkward. He noticed Jodi seemed to be deep in thought and moved to defend himself, “I know it’s sudden. I just… had to tell you. Sorry.” Kent glanced down at his hands and felt a massive wave of shame wash over him. Why did he say anything? He had likely just ruined the best friendship he ever had. This was supposed to be a fun week, but he had made it into a disaster. It seems like that was all he was able to do late - cause disasters to happen.

“Kent, don’t apologize,” Jodi replied, her lips forming into a small line as she bent down to his eye level. She rested her hand on his shoulder and waited for him to look up. When Kent met her eyes, Jodi thought he looked like a sort of… dejected puppy. She gave a small sigh before explaining herself, “I didn’t mean to react that way. I was just surprised, that’s all.”

“So.. you don’t hate me?” Kent asked, some worry still present on his face. He fidgeted with his hands once again before mumbling, “For, you know, making things awkward..”

“Hate you?” Jodi asked with a small laugh. She shook her head and a wide smile spread across her lips. She glanced at Kent, giving him her familiar “you can’t be serious” look before adding, “I could never hate you.”

Kent raised an eyebrow - full of skepticism. Maybe Jodi was stranger than he thought. How could she not hate him? He’s done nothing but surround this girl with chaos since the moment they met. Kent made more of a fool of himself around Jodi than anyone - maybe it was because he tried so hard to impress her only for it to completely blow up in his face. “Really?” Kent asked, absolutely dumbfounded.

“Yeah,” Jodi confirmed. She hesitated a moment, thinking to herself. Kent noticed a small patch of pink had found itself onto the curves of her cheek and was even more confused. “I.. I actually think you’re super cool,” She started moving her hand to tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear - something else, Kent noticed, that she did when she was nervous - before adding, “I like you, too. There’s something different about you, you know? You don’t try hard to impress me, like everyone else. You just act like yourself and that’s something I appreciate. It’s… actually kind of attractive.”

Kent smiled at Jodi’s response, appearing calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside his brain was screaming. He couldn’t believe it. He spent hours worrying about this conversation and never expected it to turn out this way. For a moment, Kent was incredibly giddy and even forgot what awaited him in two days time.

Only for a moment, though. The memory soon flooded back into Kent’s mind and a small frown spread across his cheeks. Sure, he finally expressed how he felt, but it would all mean nothing. He found himself once again wanting something there never seemed to be enough of: time. If only he had more time, he could take Jodi on a proper date or find a way to avoid this whole military debacle entirely. But, like always, Kent didn’t have enough time. He never seemed to these days: not enough time with his father, not enough time with Jodi, not enough time to live, to laugh, to love. He had never hated the word “time” more in his life.

“What’s wrong?” Jodi asked, watching as Kent’s smile was replaced with the small frown. Her eyebrows knit together in concern. Had she said something wrong? Did Kent not want her to return his affection? She was just starting to understand it herself, so maybe she should have waited until she knew, for certain?

“Just thinking,” Kent replied, moving to pull his knees toward his chest and wrap his forearms around his kneecaps. “About the next two days, I mean,” He clarified before adding, “I just wish there was more time, you know?”

“Yeah,” Jodi replied with a small nod. She moved her hand from Kent’s shoulder before resting it on top of the back of his hand, gently lacing their fingers together. “Me too,” She spoke, giving his hand a light squeeze.

Kent glanced down when he felt the small pressure on his hand and felt his cheeks warm up. He felt a small smile creep back onto his lips before turning to look at Jodi with an embarrassed expression. “You’re holding my hand,” He spoke, motioning to their intertwined fingers with his free hand.

“I know,” Jodi spoke, giving him a playful smile in return. She noticed the dark pink of Kent’s cheeks and raised an eyebrow, intending to tease him some more. “I can stop if it’s making you ‘too embarrassed’,” She teased, slowly removing her small hand off of Kent’s much larger one.

Kent shook his head. Instead of letting Jodi remove her hand, he simply flipped his palm over and properly laced their hands together. The two smiled at each other and Jodi leaned her body against Kent’s, resting her head on his shoulder.

They stayed like this for a while, simply leaning against each other. Unfortunately, the wind started to pick up and Jodi shivered - despite knowing the nights got cold in this part of the city, Jodi had forgotten her cardigan as she rushed out of her home. Kent frowned.

“You’re freezing, Jo,” He spoke. “Take my jacket,” he offered, immediately shucking off his jacket (well, it was his father’s, really, but he always wore it) and draping it over her shoulders.

“I can’t do that,” Jodi protested, a small frown forming on her own lips as she noticed Kent was wearing a loose-fitting, short-sleeved t-shirt beneath the jacket. That must be even colder than her dress. “You’ll get cold,” She spoke as she tried to push the jacket back into his arms, but she was met with a shake of Kent’s head.

Kent thought for a moment before laying back against the blanket. He patted the spot next to him and motioned for Jodi to lay back down. “Here, we can share it, see?” Kent explained as he draped the fabric over the two of them - content with this compromise.

Jodi eyed him skeptically but laid down next to him anyway. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was secretly grateful Kent had offered his jacket in the first place. The jacket was definitely not big enough to cover two people fully, but they didn’t seem to care.

However, the jacket seemed to barely provide enough warmth to keep them from shivering beneath the fabric. Jodi hesitated for a moment before scooting even closer to Kent. If you asked her reasoning, she would give some excuse about how it’s warmer than being far apart, but it was clear what her true reasoning was. Her reasoning became even more evident as she rested her head onto Kent’s shoulder.

Kent’s eyes widened at the sudden pressure against his shoulder. He felt another wave of blush move across his face when Jodi shifted her body and propped herself up onto her side. She absentmindedly laid her arm across Kent’s chest and returned to looking at the sky. Kent had a momentary panic inside his head and his heart started beating much faster. Eventually, he calmed down and felt himself relax into her presence. He carefully draped his arm over Jodi’s upper back and shoulders. Kent then moved his free hand, slowly reaching towards Jodi’s extended arm before lacing their fingers together and gently rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand.

Kent felt that familiar feeling again: like time had stopped and nothing else in the world existed. He could almost get used to this: the peace, the comfort of Jodi’s presence, the weight of her against his chest. For once in his life, he felt nice and warm - safe, in a weird way, despite what loomed over him. He felt as if he could take on anything. His anxieties still remained, but they always seemed to quiet whenever he was around Jodi. It was nice. Unfortunately, it was also bittersweet: the world allowed him this week full of amazing memories only to take it away and laugh in his face? How was that fair? It wasn’t and Kent knew that all too well. He realized something: it may be selfish, but he didn’t know if he would be able to give it all up: the memories, the laughter, even Jodi. He also realized something else - he didn’t want to experience a life without her.

“Hey, Starfruit?” Kent asked, breaking the peaceful silence that had enveloped the two. Jodi glanced up at him and smiled at the familiar nickname. It somehow seemed more tender and personal now.

“Yeah, Cactus?” She replied, waiting for the next words to come out of Kent’s mouth. Her smile widened as she watched Kent process his own nickname and shake his head in a playful manner.

“Can you do me a favor?” He spoke, his gaze softening as the words left his mouth. Kent felt his heart flutter at the nickname. Even if he hated to admit it and that it was created to tease him, he loved it when Jodi called him the name. It was silly, yes, but it was his

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Jodi asked, raising her eyebrow skeptically. She remembered the last time one of them had asked for a “favor” - they ended up spending two hours sorting a ridiculous amount of books at her mother’s store. Jodi just hoped this wasn’t something like that. She was definitely NOT going to spend two hours of her life sorting something again. At least, not heavy books. That was definitely a mistake.

“Marry me.”

Jodi’s eyes widened in surprise. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She stared at Kent for a few moments before shaking her head, “You’re crazy.”

Jodi made a motion to get up but Kent gently grabbed her hand and stopped her in her tracks.

“Look, I know I sound insane right now, but I mean it,” Kent retorted. He sat up and carefully took Jodi’s palm, holding it in both of his hands.

‘You’re crazy,” Jodi repeated, a small frustrated frown finding itself onto her features. “Besides,” she started, halting her attempt at trying to break free from Kent’s grip, “my mother would never allow it.”

“Just hear me out, okay?” Kent started, gently letting go of Jodi’s hand. He took a deep breath before speaking once again, “Hear me out and then you can decide. If the answer’s no, I won’t try to force you to change your mind.”

“Okay,” Jodi answered, his eyebrows furrowing together as the next words left her mouth, “I’m listening.”

“Jodi, I don’t think I can imagine a life without you. I..I didn’t realize it until now, but I think you’re what has been missing from my life,” Kent fumbled over the words, his face turning slightly red in embarrassment. He fidgeted with his hands and felt a small lump form in his throat. Why was it so difficult to say what was on his mind? Jodi had always been able to read him, so why wouldn’t it work this time? He let out a small groan of frustration and tried to find the right words. Eventually, some words managed to untangle himself from the uncooked spaghetti of his brain and he spoke, “I don’t want to spend what’s left of my life regretting what could have been. I can’t promise much, but I know that if I make it out of this alive, I’m going to love and cherish you more than anything in the world. You’re so important to me, Jodi.”

“And, hey,” Kent added, adding a small humorless laugh before saying, “If I die, you can always marry someone else.”

Kent waited a few more seconds, allowing Jodi to process what information he had given her thus far, before letting more of his word-vomit overflow from his lips, “I know your mother would never approve and I don’t want to ruin what you two have. If this whole thing has been a waste of your time and you never want to see me again, I wouldn’t blame you. I want you to make whatever decision you think is right, even if it hurts me. My feelings should never be more important than your own.”

Jodi remained silent, really thinking over the words that had just been spoken to her. She thought about these past few months, about how close she and Kent had gotten, about how he had somehow changed her life and made living seem more…fun, about how little time was left, about how she may never see Kent again. She realized that she, too, couldn’t imagine living without him. She also realized Kent had given her freedoms she wasn’t able to experience before: the freedom to choose what she wanted, not what the people around her wanted.

Jodi reached out and gently took Kent’s hand in her own. Her gaze softened as she looked at Kent’s face. She thought about what the future held, how terrifying it seemed for both of them, how you only live once, how she desperately wanted to have a future where she could live her own life.

She thought for a moment longer before finally speaking, “Yes, Kent, I’ll marry you.”

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petruchio · 1 year ago

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hope this isn't a weird and irrelevant reply to your personal post but honestly i really get what you mean. tbh i've been there too. i get how being in a place where you're confident in some aspects of yourself and doing enviable (?) things can be pretty isolating, especially if you're (perceived as) a woman, you feel like you're good at [insert some skills that matter to you], and you generally like the way you look. it can feel like you lack empathy because you don't share some of the insecurities that people around you experience and bond over (though you may be struggling with something different that they don't get), it can feel like you can't tell if you're a good friend or not because others talk about you in terms of what you've accomplished or what you have rather than who you are as a person, it can feel like your positive emotions aren't real because they're atypical and viewed as "unrelatable" idk. i feel like loving yourself and believing in your abilities is a net good but not a substitute for being around people who actually relate to your experiences. for me it's essentially feeling likable but not understandable (or understood), and ime it's something that isn't "solved" by having a lot of friends. it makes sense if you feel like that's not enough. not sure if any of this is actually similar to what you're going through, but i hope you get the chance to be around people who Get It, and i hope you feel less alone soon. you seem like a genuinely kind person on top of being great at writing/analysis -- i love the way you write about the things you're excited about. wishing you all the best <3

it's not weird or irrelevant AT ALL! it honestly always does make me feel better when i come on here and speak about something i'm struggling with and other people say, hey, yeah, me too. especially when the thing i'm complaining about is feeling alone, it's comforting to know that other people feel the same way. like, we're all lonely together, which makes us less alone in our loneliness.

and yeah i think you're right -- confidence is one of those weird things where the more you work on it, the more difficult it can become to relate to other people. people are always telling me i'm so confident and asking my advice on things and i'm always like... idk how to tell you to just stop caring what people are thinking. i mean, obviously i do care what people think of me, but maybe the problem is that because i'm my own worst critic, i can't imagine anyone hating me more than i already hate myself, which paradoxically means that i assume everyone loves me? or maybe it's because i can't imagine anyone genuinely giving a shit about what i do, so it's easy to just do whatever i want. because it's not that i don't care what people think, but just that i pretty much assume they aren't thinking about me, so why would i bother trying to impress them? (like some of my friends will describe in detail the logic behind their instagram story posts. and i'm just like... do you really think other people are noticing this? do you really think people care that much what you, some random person, is posting? it's kind of crazy to spend so much time thinking about yourself through the lens other people. just post if you think it's funny, or don't. nobody is actually thinking that much about you.)

but to your point, i feel like that is kind of where a lot of the loneliness comes from. because people describe certain insecurities or thought patterns that they have, and i'm just like yeah i truly cannot relate to that, or yeah, i would never do that. and when i do express things i'm struggling with, people act so shocked and never offer any kind of support because they're like "but your life is so perfect!" (which is INSANE! nobody has a perfect life! and i know it sounds like the most obnoxious problem ever, like oh my life is so great that nobody believes me when i say i'm still inexplicably sad, but it is a really isolating and lonely existence!!) and then i guess it kind of becomes a cycle where people say or do certain things, i don't relate to them at all, and then i wonder why i'm still struggling so much even though i'm honestly doing fine, and then i feel guilty for even struggling or feeling down because i don't really know what else i can do to get better, since again, i'm objectively doing fine.

i get what you mean about feeling likable but not understandable. recently i was on a second or third date with someone, and i had this weird out of body experience where it was like, i could see myself doing everything right -- i could see that he was totally into me and that i was saying all the right things and laughing at the right times and making the right jokes, but i didn't feel like a person? i knew i could make him like me, and that it wouldn't even be that hard, but i knew he would never actually know me, not even if we kept dating for years. he would always have just "liked" me, like you said. it was a really weird and uncomfortable feeling. i came home and wrote in my journal "sometimes i feel like i'm so good at pretending to be a person that i don't feel like i'm actually a person at all"

SORRY for these long rambling answers. i guess i'm feeling some type of way about my inability to function normally lately. being 24 is just weird i guess. it's uncomfortable and awkward and frustrating, and so much of it feels like this sense of cognitive dissonance between being really good at acting like an adult but still feeling like you just want to scream and cry and throw things like a toddler but you know you can't. i guess someday it will all make sense. or maybe it won't. but i'll keep writing about it either way <333

#answered #anonymous

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ziracona · 10 months ago

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living up to my name ive been too sleepy to form a coherent reply :( but. pls elaborate on julie being most interested by Sally because I just cannot picture that dynamic. but also because im fixating on julie the most out of legion atm and i always love sally. MVP killer-tier i am blowing kissies. id also propose an arguement that she has -some- kind of interesting relationship to kate because they make pretty cool mirrors of one another. or more kate seems like what julie wanted to be?

Well, Julie finds women less threatening and more relatable, and among the female killers around at the time, Sally wouldn’t be aggressive or judgmental towards her, and isn’t stupid or naïve either. Anna or Lisa, if properly introduced, etc, also fit that bill of course; what’s different about Sally is that Sally is crazy. Julie is not what would be considered sane, absolutely, and I’m being casual with language here because I would also diagnostically be considered well into not normal, but as an aside, I don’t mean any of this derogatorily at either of them. But the short is that Julie is a mentally unstable person who is very good at masking, and Sally is a mentally unstable person who actively doesn’t even try to hide it. This would make her the most relatable in a rarely relatable way, to Julie, because they’re similar, even if what’s off about them is wildly different, and just generally make her interesting. Also, a big part of how Julie deals with her own stuff is part of survival, while none of Sally’s friends have an issue with her mental proclivities, and that would be fascinating to Julie I think. Sally would be her favorite because she hits the combined stats of “not a threat” and “interesting to me” at the highest combined percentile to her.

Kate and Julie absolutely do have one of the most interesting relationships, I just wouldn’t call it one that ‘gets along well.’ Meg is one of Frank’s deepest survivor relationships, but it’s not exactly a positive one. Kate is very close to what Julie wanted, and has been through a lot of what Julie has and come out better than her, so there’s certainly tension there. There’s also a mutual, if grudging, respect for skills the other holds, but they’re very wary and initially disliking of each other. They could hypothetically become friends of a sort if cards fell right, but it would take some interesting scenarios for that.

#ask #sleepy anon #in living memory (fic)#new dawn fades (fic)#in living memory #new dawn fades

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ravenkinnie · 2 years ago

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oh of course! I don’t think my question I too personal but it felt weird to just drop it on you without making sure it’s ok. Of course that doesn’t mean you have to reply. Please just ignore this if you think it is too personal. You are the only other person I „know“ with bpd and you always seem honest so I thought maybe you’d have some perspective on this.

So I have a new partner and they have bpd. We are really open about it and they taught me a lot. Recently they have been asking me a lot if I still love them and told me they have been feeling very insecure even when they logically know my feelings won’t just change overnight. They told me to look up „fp“ and how that was the intensity of attachment they had towards me. Now I really fell down a rabbit hole with this (especially on tik tok) and there are some people (with bpd themselves) who suggest people shouldn’t „feed“ this sort of attachment too much. Not ignoring the other person or rejecting them but setting clear boundaries and not reassuring them every single time. They said in the long run this would help them detach themselves again so they become more rational and less likely to act impulsively.

Ive talked to my partner about this and they said it sounds reasonable but difficult to handle for them as well. In the end we decided as long as we communicate openly it would all be ok.

Now that was like a month ago and lately my partner has become really detached. They won’t talk to me and when I caught them crying they told me to leave them alone. Now I know it’s not cool but I asked their friend if they knew what was wrong and they just said my partner has been feeling like it’s hard to maintain our relationship lately. Basically as I understand it they don’t feel loved enough but they also know those feelings aren’t rational and feel guilty about them.

Now of course you aren’t a therapist and my question isn’t really about this situation because that’s between me and my partner but all of this just made me wonder if there even is a universal way to support someone with bpd. I absolutely love them but more often than not it feels like both trying to connect more and keeping my distance is hurting them. And it’s starting to hurt me as well.

How do you as someone with bpd feel about the balance between closeness and detachment? Can it really work to try and „make them“ love you less so they can more easily handle a close connection in the long run?

Im sure of course there isn’t a one answer fits all but sometimes I feel like no matter how much I read about it I don’t quite understand how bpd affects the way people think and feel.

Im sorry again if this too personal and too much. Regardless of if you answer or not I hope you’ll have a nice weekend :)

tbh there's no general answer to this, people are just different. everyone experiences different parts of bpd differently and the way they navigate these things in relationships will differ. the thing about bpd attachments is that they are just not stable lmao and that makes forming relationships v hard because it feels like you can't control those emotions. I've experienced splitting in relationships before and it's a very difficult and crazy thing to experience and explain because you know its not rational but that doesn't mean that you can stop feeling these things. and honestly maybe it's controversial to say but there's a point where you have to accept that maybe recovery means not being in relationships like this for a while - not not forming connections at all but maybe not committed relationships like this because you need to reach a point of recovery where you can handle these things by yourself to some extent before you can learn to handle it with a partner.

now I'm not a bitch to be telling people whether that's something they should do because I've been in relationships continuously since I was 19 so I'm not the brightest example hshshsjsk but personally, one thing I learned is that you can't form a healthy attachment in a relationship until you can learn that you can be okay by yourself, whatever that looks like. I think it can look like a detachment but I think of it more like independence that allows you to rationalise those bpd feelings because you can handle that fear of abandonment better.

that's why I also don't like framing bpd as loving too much or sth, like forming this independence is not loving less, I don't love my girlfriend less now than I loved someone before her just because I feel more like my own person in our relationship and set boundaries that don't rely on needing to be dependent anymore. if you want to work on a healthy relationship despite issues that will pop up because having a disorder that fucks you over constantly will create friction, you need to work on your own identity and separate stable personhood too on top of emotional regulation that helps with mitigating issues related to splitting etc

#asks

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carnivorouswillgraham · 2 years ago

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ok so ik i dont need to dignify this person with a response, considering theyre possibly just a troll and definitely just a dick, but i love good ole stupid ass internet arguments (and the excuse to talk about REN) sooo. yeag

for context, this is the comment theyre replying to:

ANYWAYS

ok immediately, no one claimed noremma stans are evil? she didnt even mention them or fandom at All, if youre refering to me. i definitely didnt either so?? immediately jumping the gun there. secondly, yeah the author has claimed he prefers to see them All (norman and emma included) as siblings/friends/etc. this was just like? fun conversation?? no one here claims to know them better than the author, and liking a certain ship that isnt as close to canon as possible is not immoral

1. i mean- yeah. if we're basing it Strictly on canon, none of them are together, and the only Hint at romantic feelings is norman towards emma. 2. do you have like.. basis for that claim? im pretty sure it just comes from people like.. liking that ship? maybe im just crazy tho

BAHSHSISGDKEHD. babe.... i cant speak for everyone but my paranoia is not wasting its time on *drawings* or how often they kiss. also that is like. insanely polyphobic and a super disingenuous way to look at it. if we're talking explicitly about my post and rosalies comment, No One said he is owed or thinks hes owed that? in fact she Explicitly said the opposite. once again i cant speak for everyone blah blah but its less of like. an entitlement and more of just- id prefer to see them All together. the way i read their relationship is just fundamentally different than you, clearly. doesnt make either of us wrong

mmmm fuck you lol. thats a really shitty thing to say and, once again, we are talking about drawings. its not that serious

again.. it feels like youre just pulling these accusations from the sky. i dont exactly know what is the most normal amount of interest to have in a person generally, so my bad if i made it seem like i think thats all his character is, but i dont really feel like i did? i dunno. ray is SUCH an interesting and cool character that i love for sooo many reasons, but its just. inacurate to act like emma and norman are not important to him. especially in the escape arc, we come to learn that they were more or less his reason for living. yes, he wanted to save all of his family, but he couldnt, so he focused on them. thats just the facts. people interpretting the why he focused on them differently than you is not a bad thing. its all up to interpretation. i could give you plenty of "evidence" that he loves them, just like you could give me plenty of "evidence" he doesnt at all, because its a *story.* at the end of the day we're all gonna look at it our own way.

once again youre being needlessly antagonistic. we are talking about fucking drawingssss dear god above

#this is so weird i feel like a defense lawyer except im talking about DRAWINGS!!!! THEYRE JUST DRAWINGS IT DOESNT MATTER OH MY GOD!!!!!!!#ash is mentally ill #tpn fandom salt #arguing #also i did try to @ them but it literally would not come up so #sorry for being cringe on main mutuals

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