#im kinda afraid what she can do with that information since we arent really friends anymore? i dont think she would tell anyone but you kno

[sunnybergamota]

hey gurl, what happened?

(Warning, big venting text. Sorry) :(

Honestly, I don't know what is going on anymore. It's just a lot little things that make me feel like shit.

I feel like everything is changing in my life and I just can't keep up. My school is going through a makeover (reform??idk) and the place I've been my whole childhood is just gone. Also I don't even have friends anymore! I feel like Im going to a new school. My only friends, who have been with me for years, just dont talk to me anymore. They don't consider me their "best friend" anymore. The only people I interact other then my family are you guys from tumblr.

One of my friends post on that weird "End of year asks" from Whatsapp that they would come back to talk to me, but idk. This was one of my most lasting friendships, it made me as much good as it made me bad. There were days that she would make me feel amazing, and other that made me feel the worst piece of shit. They just didnt care about my interests, or how I was, as long someone was there for her. Seriouly, I was always there as a shoulder to cry, someone who would give a hug, but if I was sad??? "Don't worry, you are just close to your periods", "you are just tired", "well Im not your theraphist". It hurted so much, I didn't had anyone to hold on. And she would always push me alway that way. "Oah Gabi, Tumblr? Thats soooo lame!", "Thats super annoying, don't", "Pls stop you are just embarassing yourself", "You know that this tv show sucks, right?", "OMG, she's such a nerd, she still reads! In 2019!" (Everytime someone says something critically about me/my interests, I just push then away. It can be just "You need to do x better", but I Will take it as a personal attack and I don't have idea why! I can know that they didn't mean it, but something will be there saying "bitch, they don't like you, cant you see it?" Like, what is wrong with me?) And also her friends! They really didn't give a fuck abot me. I don't think they ever considered me a friend, we just had her in commun and we would walk together in the school break because I was still her friend. I think she would just walk with me until the last weeks of class because of pitty? Charity? Something like that. Looking back now I can see how toxic it was.

Also somethings here on Tumblr are also making me sick? Like, it is the only place I still feel safe, but everywhere I look there is some discourse. About JKR, Trump, etc. The ones that make me feel worse are the ace ones. Bro, bloggers I followed (and admired) started being ""out and proud acephobics"". They would say nasty things about how aces are ""not lgbt"" or ""disgusting virgins, we dont care if you want to have sex or not!!1!"". They don't realize how this kind of shit hurt! As someone who just figured out who I am, having some one screaming things like "not opressed enough" or "just a confused teens" is not helpful and really depressing.

Also just a general empty? Idk.

Anyway, Im really sorry for the big venting, but this had been on my back for a while and I couldn't keep it to myself anymore.