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specialagentlokitty · 11 months ago

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Giles x teen!reader - the family you need

Part 4:

You walked home, and you didn’t everything you could think off to try calm down, you had a shower, your tried cooking, cleaning, taking a nap, listening to music.

It took a long while, but eventually you had your anger back under control, you had calmed yourself down, and you sighed, burying your head in your hands.

You skipped the rest of the week of school, ignoring your door and phone, focusing on killing demons instead.

As Monday rolled around you trudged your way to the library, hesitant as you reached for the door, but you took a deep breath and opened it.

“Mr Giles?” You called.

You stepped in and he came out of his office, setting some books in the side.

“Thank goodness you’re alright, you had us all terribly worried (Y/N), we tried to call you and they tried your apartment.”

“Yeah I know…”

You sighed a little, stuffing your hands into the pockets of your hoodie.

“Im sorry if I upset you, or if I pried too much, but what I heard was concerning.”

You shrugged a little, walking over to a chair and you sat down, kicking your feet up on the chair opposite you.

“I get it, you hear a kids got a bunch of scars, you wanna figure out what’s going on, I get that you know?”

Giles slowly walked over, sitting himself on the table, his back to you as he listened.

“I mean it makes sense, kid looks like they get beat every night, you have to do something about that, it’s your job to be worried. I overreacted and I’m sorry.”

He turned to look at you, shaking his head.

“It was no overreaction, it was extremely understanding, I pushed into something you most likely don’t want to remember. You were hurt, angry, and that’s okay, but I don’t worry about you because it’s my job (Y/N), yes it may be my job to look after you all, but I worry because I care. I care about you all, so after what I heard I wish to ensure that you are safe.”

You turned your gaze away from him.

“It’s in the past, you can’t change the past.”

“But it still hurts, does it not?”

“Yes, it does. The past is always going to hurt Mr Giles, but what’s happened has happened, we can’t change that, but we can learn from it. The past is what makes us who we are right?”

Giles nodded his head.

“Then what does that make you?”

“I don’t know yet, I haven’t figured that much out, but I’m still learning.”

He smiled softly at you.

“I see, but are you safe?”

“Yes, I’m safe.”

“There’s nobody in your apartment that is hurting you?”

You shook your head.

“No sir, I live alone.”

“Alone?”

“Like I said, things of the past.”

He sighed, nodding his head, and he looked at you.

“If you were in danger you come straight to me, do you understand?”

He got up, coming back with a slip of paper and he gave it to you.

“If you think you are in any danger, or you don’t feel safe, you either call here, or my home, or you come and find me, these are my numbers, and all the places you can find me if I’m not here. Any danger at all, I don’t care how small it may be.”

He took the paper, looking at it for a moment before you looked up at him.

“Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes.”

“Good, I will not have you going through anything of this sort again, especially not alone. You are not alone anymore.”

This made you smile a little bit, and you put the paper into your pocket.

“Thank you…”

“I truly am sorry for whatever had happened to you in the past, and if there does come a day you wish to talk about then I am all ears.”

You nodded your head and stood up, looking at him you smiled a little.

“Can you tell the others I’m sorry? I don’t really want to see them right now..”

“Of course I will.”

With that you left, going back home.

You pinned the paper he gave you to the fridge so you always knew where to find it.

Heading to your balcony, you stood overlooking the part of town that you could see.

You felt guilty that he didn’t know about you, he was so ready to help you, so ready to protect you, just like Colt.

But he didn’t know the truth, if they found out what you were would they be so worried about you? Would the kill you?

You had no idea.

Taking a small breath, you closed your eyes for a second and opened them again, and you saw the burst of demonic energy.

“Of course…”

Hoping over the balcony you landed on the street and began running, but you couldn’t see anything else from the ground, so you sought higher ground.

Jumping into a shop, you jumped on to the next tallest building and looked around.

You saw the flash of red again, and you ran towards it, knowing exactly where it was coming from.

Jumping down, you looked at the school seeing the door had been blown in and you slowly walked over.

Whispering the small chant, you drew your sword from your arm, putting it over your back.

You could smell the demonic energy, and hear the sounds of fighting.

Crouching, you looked down the corridor and you watched the demon throw Buffy into some lockers and stop.

“I know you’re here~” the demon taunted.

You stayed quiet, without drawing your sword the demon wouldn’t be able to fully sense you.

“Come on now my young leader, don’t play games with me.”

You crept back the way you came and down a different hallway.

You circled the demon, and when he turned his back to you, you grabbed Buffy, pulling her into the classroom, clamping a hand over her mouth.

“Is there anybody else here…?”

She nodded, and you moved your hand.

“Library…”

“Buffy you need to get them out of here…”

You heard a noise making the pair of you go quiet, and you looked at her, gesturing to the door.

“You can’t fight him…”

“I’ll be okay… please… get them out of here…”

“You can’t!”

“Go!”

You pushed her towards the door and you ran out the other, whistling loudly to catch the demons attention to distract him from buffy.

“Yeah, that’s right you bastard follow me!”

You spun around, leading the demon the other way and when you were sure you were in the clear you spun on your heel.

Raising your hand and you slammed it into the demons face, sending him through a wall.

“Ah, they warned me you would be strong.”

He grinned, standing up and in a flash he was in front of you, his fist connected with your stomach sending you flying through the walls outside.

Rolling on the grass, you grunted in pain and sat up.

Pushing yourself up, you whispered the chant again, putting your sword away.

You knew what he wanted, and you weren’t going to let him have it.

The demon walked outside, grinned from ear to ear, tilting his head a little.

“Oh they’ve made you their pet, how cute, I bet they don’t even know what you are.”

“Shut your mouth.”

Charged you swung from him, and he jumped on the roof so you followed him, throwing punch after punch that he easily dodged.

He grabbed your hoodie, throwing you in the air, and jumped up, slamming his leg into your chest sending your flying straight back through the roof so hard you put a small hole in the floor.

You coughed, blood flying from your mouth as you took a deep breath, and he smirked from on the roof above you.

“You’re weak, embrace it. Embrace what your father gave you.”

“Don’t you dare…”

The demon jumped down, grabbing you by the shirt he punched you over and over in the face.

“Do it!”

Buffy jumped on him, and he easily threw her off, looking around the library.

“Oh how cute, they can’t even see me, let’s change that.” He snarled.

“Don’t you dare…” you whispered.

He punched you again and got up, stalking towards them all.

He didn’t hurt them too badly, he simply scratch them all with a clawed finger, then he smirked at you.

“Now they can see me it’s going to be so much more fun to kill them..”

You slowly pushed yourself up, sneering lowly.

“Don’t… you dare…”

He paced around you in a circle.

“Maybe I’ll start with the slayer, never killed one before, should be fun. But either way you’ll watch me kill all of them.”

“Don’t touch them!”

You lunged forward, kicking him through the doors, breathing heavily.

Giles saw that spark in you that he saw the other day, he saw the small flash of blue in your eyes but it was gone.

The demon laughed manically.

“Oh your father is going to be so proud!”

The demon charger, standing in front of you.

“I’ll drag your body back me…”

He grabbed you, spinning around the threw you back outside and you rolled on the grass, blood flying from your mouth and the various cuts you had all over your body.

Pushing yourself up, you limped back over, and you whispered the chant again, drawing the sword from your arm.

Standing at the top of the stairs you looked at the demon who was stood there.

“That’s what I’m talking about… but they’ll find you~”

“Not if I stay in control they won’t…”

You took a shallow breath, slowly drawing your sword, blue flames lighting up your body, lighting the sword and you tossed the scabbard aside.

“You want to fight… then fight…”

He lunged and you were gone, roundhouse kicking him back to the floor, and you jumped, slamming your sword at him and he barely moved out the way.

He tried to punch you but you blocked it, and lunged again, his fists the only thing blocking your sword.

Giles rounded everybody up and pushed them into his office out of the way.

You were slammed into the ground, then thrown into some books.

No amount of hits could stop you, even when you could barely stand you kept fighting, standing between the demon and the office door.

“I won’t let you.. hurt them…”

“Try to stop me.” He sneered.

With a cry of pain, and anger, you swung your sword, blue flames branching out and he stared in horror.

“He will win! You will rule by your father’s side!”

“He is not… my father…” you spat.

The flames surrounded him, and he screamed as he was turned to ashes.

You took a few deep breaths, extinguishing the flames so nobody else got hurt in any way by them.

Breathing heavily you took a few shaky steps you dropped to your knees, coughing blood on the floor.

You pushed yourself up, limping to the scabbard, and you slumped again the wall, sheathing the sword.

Whispering the chant, you put it back and groaned in pain, trying to stand up but you couldn’t, no matter how hard you tried your body just wouldn’t let you.

The door to the office was opened and slowly they all came out.

They looked around the mess, and you groaned in pain, closing your eyes before opening them again.

“I.. I’m sorry… about the books…”

They snapped their gazes to you, and you gave weak smile, and rested your head back on the wall.

“What the hell are you?” Buffy whispered.

You said nothing, and Giles held his arm out as she went step forward.

You recognised that look, it was the look they all had then they find out.

“Do you not recognise the blue fire?” Xander whispered.

“No?” She whispered back.

Giles took his glasses off, cleaning them before he turned his attention back to you, putting them on, and he looked at you.

More so, he stared at you.

“The flames of satan himself. This is the demonic child of Satan, I heard rumours about this, but never did I think it was true.”

“I’m.. sorry…”

You groaned in pain, slowly pushing yourself up, stumbling a few steps into the stairs and fell over once again.

You couldn’t stand, you needed time to heal, but you couldn’t go anywhere until then, so you simply just kept getting up, falling over until you finally found a spot in the school away from them so you didn’t have to see the looks on their faces

#buffy the vampire slayer x reader #buffy the vampire slayer x you #buffy the vampire slayer imagine #buffy the vampire slayer #Rupert Giles #Rupert Giles x reader #Rupert Giles x you #Rupert Giles imagine

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sleepy-vix · 8 months ago

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also oh my gosh there are literally no words for how proud I am of you for that joirnal entry?? I’ve been through hell and back with feeling suicidal and I clawed my way back to life starting exactly the same way but DAMN it’s so hard Yk? And it feels so exhausting and useless?? But seriously I promise it’s not. It’s okay if the actions you’re taking feel like they’re taking a long time to kick in, or it doesn’t rlly feel like YOU yet. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to learn was to stop waiting for the feeling of peace and joy to just show up and find me, that I had to actively do stuff to help it happen and keep doing it even when it felt like nothing was happening. Sorry ik this was a ramble and I hope it wasn’t too personal but I’m sending you so much support and love and if you ever need to talk I’m here! Also im a huge Jane Austen and hamlet fan :)) keep going, im rlly proud of you and you’re doing rlly rlly well <33

AWWWWWW this means so much to me, thank you so much for telling me this. i'm so so so so proud of you too and i'm so happy for you :} it's so wonderful to hear that other people shared similar experiences but found hope in the end because it makes everything seem a little less hopeless and a little more achievable. thank you for sharing with me what you learned (waaaa i'm going to now make a journal page about things that could make me happy TvT <3)

i wish i had something more to say, a nugget of wisdom to gift you in return for yours, because you're such a star for actually reading my whole journal entry :(( it means alot to me

i honestly always thought that journal entries like that would be bothersome to my followers, but after posting that, i actually did feel a little better and more resolved and mentally clearheaded :) writing it felt like i was cutting off a piece of myself (a diseased piece, but a piece of myself nonetheless) and offering it up into the void like a naive child would bestow a glass bottle containing a whimsical message into the ocean, and i truly did not expect a response but im so happy that i did 🤍

i'll be sure to share my thoughts on hamlet and jane austen's work when i finish reading them !! :)

#moots ✮#ahzvsjsbsjsvzysvaishsvsaisbakxgsisbsixvskBzisvszisvsoxbxisjshahzisjalasbwosbsisbajdvsisbsjshs #wow people in this world can be so beautiful #asks

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justajsworkshop · 5 days ago

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ok, so this is the second time this has happened to me, and i just wanna catalogue here a bit. long ass self analysis i’m sharing in case anyone sees themselves in this, too.

so, i’ve had a list of desires that you could label as “big” to the limited self; i.e., the limited self perceives a greater separation between me and these desires. and i really decided to get locked in on them the past couple of days to kick myself out of the state of waiting.

sometimes, i can just get so lazy and apathetic about my desires. i think it’s a protective mechanism to stay disconnected from how unfulfilled i feel. so, i keep telling myself “oh, it’s fine. it’s coming together.” when the deeper truth is that i’m keeping myself separate from my desire (by perceiving it that way) because i’m afraid to surrender myself to it. i’m afraid to let myself have it.

now, when i decided to get focused on this, i wrote out a list of these desires on my phone. i wrote them in affirmation form too, so i could easily read the list to myself. i said the first rule was that i already have all these things, which is true. intellectually, i know that. but it’s like i have these in a shed out back, and instead of just walking over to grab it all, i keep saying “oh, it’s coming. it’s gonna be fine. i have it now.” but im not reeeeeally letting myself have it.

like, bruh, just get your shit, y’know? my desires are waiting on ME.

k, so, i thought i’d try out a variety of approaches to see what was up. some stuff i’m able to passively affirm, and it’s reflected back real fast. other times, i just wish for something, and within a day or so, a solution is there. i firstly tried to be more diligent about my thoughts and “mental diet�� even tho i hate the term. i tried saturating too, and while i do enjoy it, doing that for extended amounts of time kinda got tiring, but i also found being conscious of my thoughts when not saturating to be even more tiring.

yall, i’m lazy as shit, ok. i really am about finding the easiest way to go about things.

so, I thought to myself about the time i manifested roger’s vet bill to be a specific amount. someone was checking out as i was in the waiting room, and when the receptionist said their total, i said to myself quite decisively, “that’s how much it’s going to be for me.”

fast-forward to me getting the estimate from the vet in the office, and they told me something about three times that amount, and i almost fainted. i actually forgot i had even made that decision, tbh. i was just there, trying to come to grips with how i was gonna pay that much. after staring at that list for way too long, i finally told the vet’s assistant that i was between jobs, and that’s why it was hard for me to decide what to say yes to and what to pass on. he leaned in, was super sweet, and said, “these are the only ones you need. don’t tell them i said anything.”

my total came out to $7 under my desired amount.

this also happened that one time i manifested my friend paying for my transportation downtown and everything else. i visualized her saying it was all on her, and she had me covered. and when it came time for me to order a car, i basically gave up on the manifestation. then, through a conversation i had with her, she ended up following through with my desired outcome to the letter.

notice how both times, i wasn’t policing my thoughts or state or even feeling toward the outcome. it happened on its own even when i “contracted the new story.” this is because the linear mind ain’t got nothing on the power of god.

what i’ve learned from this is that a single decision is really all i need. it makes me think of the woman with the blood issue for twelve years who touched jesus’ robe (prayer tassels in the chosen) and was instantly healed. i only need to touch the awareness of my desire, and it’s mine, and i am instantly in the reality/script where that will come to pass. the rest happens for me no matter what my linear self does, thinks, or feels about the experience.

so, what i’ve been doing these past two days is convening with myself as my god self in what the bible might refer to as “the secret place.” im just imagining my desired outcome, but there’s something that’s changed where, as i continue to affirm or visualize, i’m really letting myself experience it. because what i want is to experience a certain outcomes, so why not give myself the full experiencing of it to myself now? because i can literally have that experience at this very moment. reality is not the physical. i am reality. and the more awareness i invest in imagination, the easier it is to see that.

to be clear, i’m not imagining to get or to change or even to feel what it would be like. i am actively experiencing my desire right then and there. yesterday and today, i was so present with the experiencing of my desire, i was moved to tears—the guy who’s normally so apathetic and passive about these things i say are so important to me. then, all desiring within me ceased. i felt sated. calm. at peace. gratitude poured forth from me, but not because i was trying to make myself feel grateful or to emulate it. i was deeply grateful for the experience i just had: the fulfillment of my desire.

i have no interest in further saturating or anything else. i go on with my day. i don’t feel the need to wait for it to appear in the 3D anymore because i fully experienced it. and i’ve also noted what when i experience one desire, i feel wholly fulfilled as relates to all the others on my list as well.

yeah, im still going to affirm and be cognizant of my inner narrative, but also, i’m seeing how powerful it is to truly experience fulfillment now without creating this perception of separation between the 3D and 4D or whatever people say (personally, i deeply dislike these terms). because why would I separate these when i got my shit? i experienced it fully, and i am the awareness, not the body/mind, so why would i give myself something then be waiting on what’s already happened to me?

i’m gonna keep going with this practice/approach, and i’ll keep you all updated, but really, as i’ve always said, god heard you the first time. just tongue the fringe of fulfillment, fully experiencing it, and see what happens?

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starrierknight · 15 days ago

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well music for me is quite literally everything,, i do this thing called maladaptive daydreaming where i can daydream for hours, the dreams are very vivid and intense, it genuinely feels like im ACTUALLY experiencing them in real time.

music helps as in it acts as background ambience (?) for those scenarios, i have quite literally forged an entire storyline out of those daydreams with a specific timeline and everything (i built this brick by brick) it’s like an escape of reality (not really though, just like an escape from life right now to somewhere i’d rather be, or become a person i would’ve preferred to become and so on)

anyways besides the daydreaming thing, music is also smth adds so much to my life, it grants me connection with people, in the sense that whenever i try to make small talk with new ppl at uni, one of the first questions i ask is about music, it helps me understand that person better and their tastes somehow give a little hint on who they are as a person, and it can act as common ground between me and said ppl that could help me deepen our friendship upon as it’s something we can bond over

music is how i see ppl in a way as well, some ppl look like different songs, my favorite characters from different shows have a certain vibe that only the melody of that one song can truly capture in a way words simply cannot.

music is a means of communication for me as well, words can’t tell my friends how the notes of that one song spells their name or the fact that i can see my mother drawn in watercolors on a sunny day buying me animal shaped crackers after i cried when i listen to fairuz, music is how i process literally anything that has ever happened to me

music is jamming to it in ur friends car on ur way back home after a long day of classes, music is my sister and i dancing in front of my mom and grandma on a hot summer day with the AC on at 3pm as kids, music is me crying myself to sleep every night at 14 cuz i was lonely, music is the rain gently tapping on my bedroom window with the sun shining through tiny gaps in the clouds while i’m drinking a cup of hot chocolate i made with sister for the both of us and my dad, music is the bits and pieces of me in the playlists i send to my online friend who loves continents away and so much more

so yeah, i think those words will do for now, i hope that was helpful to u, reece ! also hi !! i missed u, but life’s been quite busy (uni has been kicking my ass ngl)

-🩰

you are so fascinating and wonderful and THIS IS what I call. an answer!!!!! very beautifully said. genuinely, if you don't already write, I think maybe you should give it a go. this was a very nice read!!!!

not to mention, extremely inspiring for a certain aspect of my wip!!!! so thank you for sharing!!!!

and hi!!!! I've missed you too, nonnie 🩷 I hope uni/life in general let up now that the holiday season is around the corner. wishing you the absolute best!!!!! ʕ⁠っ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ⁠っ

#꒰ =͟͟͞♡ ꒱ — love letters #꒰ ♡⃕ ꒱ — 🩰

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tadpolesonalgae · 1 year ago

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im so happy she talked to az finally and that he was going to stop her before she hurt herself too badly but now she's running away again 😭 mentor eris sounds fun but i just wish she talked to her family, i would be so mad and hurt if i was in their place. like she could at least talk to them and see what happens before running to eris. i dont even wanna think about what it'll be like when she has to tell them everything. it'll be a while until we see az and the ic again won't it? im excited to see her finally using her powers though and eris has a mentor lol (i would kill him and then myself). he's definitely what she needs to learn how to speak up for herself at least

using bas as the alibi wasn't very smart of her though, az already doesn't like him and he's also the spymaster, i hope someone holds az back from getting to bas too much, he's just helping. im stuck on wanting them to find her before the month is up and having her just come back but either way im scared for her bc she'll have to own up to everything and then when they find out eris helped it's going to be a shitshow

also if you end up using more talking to paper dialogue could you maybe put those part in italics or something? it just made it a bit harder to follow like this - 🧶

‘i dont even wanna think about what it'll be like when she has to tell them everything. it'll be a while until we see az and the ic again won't it?’

Okay, so i’m going to try not to stretch it out too much and keep it on topic? There’s a lot of stuff I want to cover now she’s with Eris, various methods of controlling her magic to touch on as well as continuing to go into what her magic actually does and why it affects her so badly! (Also getting to see how Eris reacts to the burning in her hands because obviously that shouldn’t be happening 🤨)

‘im excited to see her finally using her powers though and eris has a mentor lol (i would kill him and then myself).’

I’m hoping they’ll have a good time in terms of talking to one another even if it might be a bit rough on her? Also hoping nothing bad happens to Eris from messing with her magic because he’s definitely the type to push her buttons as a way to kick start her power :)

‘az already doesn't like him and he's also the spymaster, i hope someone holds az back from getting to bas too much, he's just helping.’

With this eventual scene, it’s probably going to be a third person one instead of learning about it through reader speaking to Bas when she gets back? I think it’ll also be a chance for her and Bas’ relationship to be realised by Az since he’s still mostly under the impression their dynamic is purely platonic on reader’s side (which we know isn’t the case) so hopefully that’ll be okay :)

‘also if you end up using more talking to paper dialogue could you maybe put those part in italics or something? it just made it a bit harder to follow like this - 🧶’

So frustrated because I know I put those in italics before posting it, and when I just went to correct it, it took three time before saving correctly 🫠

Thank you for pointing that out, I hadn’t noticed it hadn’t saved properly the first time, but usually it should all be in italics—sorry for the confusion and thank you for mentioning it! 🤦🧡��

#🧶 anon <3 #🧶#cbmthy

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saturn-sends-hugs · 7 months ago

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For the bad batch ask!!!

17, 24, 34, and/or 48

Feel free to answer only the ones you want to <3<3

oh bestie i am answering ALL OF THEM

17. What are some headcanons you have about Tech?

oooo ok i found a couple in my notes app:

When watching a movie, Tech can get bored pretty quickly and usually ends up finding the space wikipedia page on it and listing off random facts about its production as they watch. Him and Echo often get into debates about how the SFX was done.

Less of a headcanon and more of a “what if”, but if Anakin ever piloted the Marauder, Tech would reluctantly agree that objectively Anakin is a pretty good pilot, but he’d grumble the whole time about him “messing up his systems.”

Tech has tried time and time again to convince Echo to let him weaponize his cybernetics. The strategic benefit of hidden weaponry would give them a backup plan in the event that they were ever without their blasters, and Wrecker of course just wants to see it happen. Echo, however, remains adamant that no, he would prefer not to sleep with a functioning rocket launcher in his scomp arm, thank you very much.

Tech cannot tell directions. He constantly has maps pulled up on his HUD, so he never gets lost, and no one ever questions it. But if he’s ever without his helmet or something? Oh. Oh buddy, he is lost in two seconds. You spin him around once and he has no idea what direction he just came from. Crosshair is more than happy to tease him about it.

Tech cannot dance. While he knows how to dance in that he’s seen tutorials and memorized the motions, he’s just so incredibly stiff that it’s actually abysmal. (It takes Phee a long, long time before she manages to get him to loosen up lol)

aaaaaand that’s probably enough :D

24. Do you have any hot or controversial takes?

oh absolutely and about 70% of them are just my opinions on Hunter.

Fandom thinks he has a ten step skincare routine, tons of hair products, and spends forever getting ready? NOPE. The man uses 5-in-1 shampoo and washes his face with hand soap. He has no clue what the word “exfoliating” means. He dresses like a fisherman grandpa and thinks sunscreen is for fancy people.

Also, the fisherman thing is like my whole concept of Hunter lol. He sends this to Omega no context one day thinking it’s the funniest thing in the world (he is correct)

not really a hot take, but honestly you already said everything about the whole Fandom Drama™️ stuff so this is what I’ve got lol

34. Which Batcher would you like to kick in the shins?

Crosshair. Obviously. (also Echo for being incapable of self care but i feel like it would be hypocritical to get upset about the ways i’m actively choosing to write him bskhkdndndkd)

48. What’s something you wish you could say/tell to each Batcher?

Tech: don’t hold your datapad so close to your face, you’re gonna get a headache. also where have you been girlie i missed you in the last episodes for some reason, you should really hurry up and get back from the podraces!

Crosshair: go suck an egg. btw have you considered piercings because i gotta say i’m imagining you with a septum and some platform boots and it’s incredible.

Wrecker: HELLO SIR HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A SLUSHY BECAUSE IM ABOUT TO CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE WORLD

Hunter: uh. hi.

Omega: you’re doing amazing sweetie and ur brothers won’t say it but they’re so proud of u mwah

Echo: (regarding slow down) SIT THE FUCK DOWN RIGHT NOW MISTER I SWEAR TO GOD. WTH ARE YOU DOING. WHO IS LETTING YOU CONTINUE TO BE THIS STUPID HOLY SH— (me. it’s me. i’m doing this to myself.) also stop ignoring rex u wet noodle.

#btw the whole Tech can’t tell directions thing is 100% based on my sibling lol #there are video games we must’ve played through about ten times together and they still can’t remember where things are #it’s incredible #ace how did you manage to ask literally the best questions wtf #this was so fun i hope you like these answers lol #saturn sends thoughts #saturns headcanons #ask game

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completleymessy01 · 1 year ago

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02/12/23

I dont know why its taken me so long to write a new entry. The amount of things that have changed in my life in the last few months are crazy. Okay so firstly, S found out she has cancer. And I broke up with M. I know, two crazy massive big things that have happened. I have exams in less than two weeks and I cannot focus. I am studying 7 hours a day and I cannot focus. I am angry, im so angry I have started running . Which is very unlike me. I feel the rage boil in my blood and if it isn't rage im feeling its anxiousness. To the point where my adrenaline is pumping hard through my body and I feel so on edge that I cannot eat. Basically, I am feeling too much and I can't stop. My whole life has changed and ive never felt so stressed before. Am I going to pass my exams? Am I going to lose M forever. But then sometimes I feel happy and glad we broke up. I literally feel like im going to lose my mind, all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs, scream and shout and hit walls and kick my legs and scream and scream and scream. I feel like nothing ever goes my way and that someone is out to get me. I feel like im being tested every single day, seeing how much I can take before I have a mental breakdown and lose the plot. Im telling you, im close to that. Whats the most frustrating is im letting men continue to ruin and rule my life. When M and I broke up I thought I would get back on the wagon, well ive never really been on the wagon, but anyway. I thought I would start dating since ive basically been sexually deprived for the last year and a half. And let me tell you boys are scary, lazy, assholes and im still letting my day revolve around them. I can't help myself, they take ages to reply, dont seem eager to meet and I still reply fast, I still meet them. Maybe im just ugly and they are trying to hint. And on top of that do I meet them? I dont want m to find out and that be it between us forever, as I do love him still. I also dont want to hurt him. I wish he would just sleep with someone else, it would make everything so much easier. I could hate him and I could move on, but no he is "waiting" for me. well fuck that. I really hope that this time in a month im doing better. I dont think I can continue this adrenaline pumping lifestyle its taking to much out of me.

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pinkadork · 1 year ago

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I haven't really talked much but like.

Between being sexually harassed trying to get to work since my car erupted into flames and then paying that mf ( and ofc people i trust) to take me to work (when they do since its not like i havent been left either at the house or at work and had to either stay home, walk or beg people to pick me up, between my family hanging money over my head trying to get me motivated and help me get a car when i could really use it more to help with bills, the immense summer guilt thats just become the norm atp. I feel it. I've been tired for so long. I try to fake some kind of mojo on some fake it til ya ma it shit but i stg everyday is some other bs. I've had stuff get cut off temporarily in the past so it shouldnt be a big deal but idk. I just wish things couldve been different i guess.

I shouldve been fired ,which I'm glad im not but the anxiety knowing im well past the point limit and feel like at any moment im gonna either get a call that im fired or get dropped off just for my ID to not work and be stuck walkin back is constantly on my mind.

I always feel like im still messing up relationships with people i love and care about even though im trying and have been using the coping skills ive since ive been seeing a therapist again. Yeah i say im lonely but is more than that honestly, im just devastated everyday goes by like this, i had to address and try to figure out the situation of their stuff a few months ago because i felt immensely guilty over everything. I packed stuff up months ago im still washing and packing. Or i was. I feel like i dont get to so shit now but disappoint and upset people. I couldn't even explain that im upset because i feel like ive had to try and motivate myself so much just to live and that i feel like i dont go to work for anything. Hearing everyone talk about the good money we make at work knowing i havent been able to make it a full work week with out something happening irks my soul, even more so when its like im still trying and then either the response is try harder or give up and throw away the progress. I dont necessarily care about money but its obvious niggas need it. Ive been eating out of the convenience store or at work since August. Ive bought groceries twice in the last 3 months and groceries is being charitable because if im being honest i bought some breakfast food and have been esting on that to the point where i might be tired of it. I've always had to take care of myself against the stupidest of odds so sue me if im bitter that instead of chilling and relishing like everyone else about owning my house after being homeless and getting kicked out, thrown around, feeling like i have to mold into this nigga, that nigga to get through shit. I'm sorry that after every funeral, fight, breakup, sudden job change, shitty living environment, and overall fuckup ive done in my life wont mean a goddamn thing. Its always just gonna be something i couldve done more with, did better, tried harder. I dont want too anymore.

#pinksn

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tisafloat · 1 year ago

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I've always been looking for love, i guess

But the first time wasn't even about love

It was about me always being the person who wanted to make everybody like her

So when he asked if he could kiss me i said "sure, why not?" and after a few "why not" we were dating

And after a couple frustrating months i stopped talking to him and he called me out on it and i thought well it feels like a good time to break up

And he cried, and i cried and my mother thought i was stupid and my aunt called me a whore

I was twelve

I learned around then that i was alive and had feelings too, apparently

When i changed schools and met him, he called my attention and i called his the first day, but he was dating

So i dismissed the feeling, happy to just make new friends

I met her and i fell in love with her, but it was never romantic, even though it was the strongest kind of love i had experienced since forever

Then he broke up and we hooked up and we laid on the street, and we kissed and we danced and i was happy

I remember being happy, waiting for buses and being happy

But you cheated on me and you asked me to have sex with you and i didnt want to and you wanted to leave but i wanted you so bad i couldnt let you go

But you left anyway and i remember being miserable and i remember you fucked everything up and you made me fuck everything up but also put me first, even if it was to turn down a kiss or screw up a test i didnt want to pass

But you came back, of course you did, and you were dating someone else because of course you were and you still wanted me because of course you did and oh of course i wanted you too but i knew i had feelings then, so i couldnt betray myself like you did but i kept lingering around you waiting for you to change but you never truly did

And then i left and I couldn't move on from him but i felt like i had to and everyone felt like i had to so i made myself move on

I met the third one and oh how i wish i didnt

The second one taught me love was hard but the third one showed me the world wasn't kind and shit happened because shitty people existed

And he was shitty

I was swallowed by him, made small by him, lost friends and lost myself and still my virginity was the only thing i couldnt lose

It took me despair and so much fear to let you go, to push you away, to kick you out of my life

Then, so fast, i tried again, because why not (of course why not)

And he was great but he was allo so he wanted sex and he wanted intimacy and i couldnt give him any of that and god i was lost

I was scared and lonely and i wanted to be held so much

I still do

I used him

And it felt horrible later

But could i have survived if i hadn't?

Would i be alive if i hadn't lived it all?

I don't want to live any more days

Good or bad

Im just tired

My therapist said i should keep going and not resign myself to this feeling but it's so hard when you can barely get out if bed or cry or eat or feel anything besides this crushing feeling of constantly thinking how

how can i leave?

How can i not hurt anyone when i leave?

How can i make sure i cannot be saved?

How can i minimize how much i suffer?

How can i drive myself to the edge of no return?

What can i write that will not burden everyone else so much?

Because

If anyone could have saved me it would have been you but no one could, it was impossible, i'm sorry

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mariasabanahabanabana · 1 year ago

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Weenais Raza!!! Your ("fav") depressed bitch Is back from the dead...Literally...

Okay... First of all, I know I don't owe anyone any explanations, but, the support you given my fics - content has been too much, That in my opinion you deserve an explanation of why I have disappeared as a good Latinoamérican father... (Those from Latam will understand me)...

Where to start...? Cause actually there have been several things.. in this months everything has happened to me... I moved, I found out that you don't have to eat salmon to get salmonella (Oh but what a dirty [rancid] joke), What else... I got a job with the excuse that this would give me a reason to get out of bed (spoiler alert, it and continues to work, there's times when the action becomes a livid hell, This I'll explain later), the doctora detected me thyroid... so... I cried... I really cried a lot, I started a legal process against the medical system of my small town for medical negligence....I cried again, my mom almost kicked me out, so... I had a depressive episode (self injury) after 4 "healthy" years... But despite this, there was something "good after all" because i had found and And I swear (I know it will sound stupid and maybe it is) that I didn't know that platonic - romantic - reciprocal love could be so beautifully healthy... But just as I experienced - I went through a stage that I wanted to live at least once in my life, I also learned that communication is much more important than it seems and even more so if this relationship is through to long distance, I also understood that these kinds of relationships are too complicated, It requires extreme patience, COMMUNICATION again, clear love and a maturity that probably not all of us have at the moment. Soooo, again, this relationship isn't for everyone and I include myself in it...Tbh, I don't think I would like to have to go through that again, however, I learned a lot in the Process... Process that like everything in this life naturally ended I'll not inquire further into that since I think I already said what I had to say and by that I mean "COMMUNICATION" and for respect... To surprise (lie, I was surprised) From no one I had another depressive episode (self-injury) again, so I was in and out of the hospital, Experience that causes a rupture in the psyche of your mind Well, on the one hand, you feel that you shouldn't be there, that your reasons that led to a mental decline are banal, but on the other hand, You are also aware of how fragile the human mind is and the importance of GOING (F *ING) [IF YOU CAN]) TO THE PSYCHOLOGIST AND TAKE YOUR MEDICATIONS (Honestly, don't let them, if the doctors - specialists were sent to you it was for a reason...) Look, Im not here to take a position on psychological medication, However... i regret for thinking that I could "be okay "without them...

pobre estúpida (Poor stupid)

from: my

to: my

What else....Oh yes, I moved again to return to where I was living in a beginning, I know it sounds confusing, but let's just say that I'm a city girl who has been moving between the country and the city, and for me good or bad luck, I rather city...

Now that I remember, between my "lover - break-up era" and the constant visits to "la casa de la risa" (hospital), The 💀💀💀 anniversary of a boy - friend - boyfriend was fulfilled... And... Pfft It's been a long time (since 8th grade [high school]) that I haven't felt this miserably alone... (Seriously, I don't wish it on anyone, actually, this is one of the many reasons why the WandaVision series was and will be one of my favorites, just like her character.)

Anyway... The reason why I tell you this is, Razita, is because of the issue of long distance relationships - Mental health - Latin America and the true context that is hidden by jokes made by the Latin Americans themselves..., Cause first, no matter how hard we try to help someone with their mental health, we are not responsible for it, This can vary and yes, I'm speaking to the bullying community in general, Second, no love letter or msg are gonna replace a hug or physical contact, third and last, I count the days... No... I pray and ask whoever listens to me, Any deity that exists or if it exists, that the sentence of Nicolás Maduro is at least half as terrible long as his government term was..

And well, to finish this explanation that seems more like a mediocre attempt to show pity... I moved for who the h*ll know what number of times... So now I find myself living in Cuba and fresh out, healed, sewn up and more doped than I came in...

Is there any lesson or reflection that lrs wants to leave with this? No... I would tell them to take advantage of their life every second but no, That phrase can be the same as shit that "God's timing is perfect" And no, I'm not saying this with the intention of insulting any religion or belief, but I sincerely believe that "God" has better things to do... Or That these same phrases are toxic positivity, something that at least Im fed up with...

Anyway, I'll try to be uploading content, other than songs written based on sertraline or lamotrigine...

I know I don't know you, but with all my heart thank you for continuing to interact with my account and content...I wish you the best on this roller coaster called life... And remember... Never say "co Ger" In Latin America... Or at least not in Mexico...

#mental instability #hi its me #its me <3 #is me #its me again #its me im bitches #mariasabana #Maria wrires #Sabana Writes #tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #tw sui implied #tw self destructive behavior #tw selfhate #tw sui attempt #tw mental health #tw mental illness #tw medication

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uglypastels · 1 year ago

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okay getting to the other stuff now that i’ve said my piece about the heart-wrenching cliffhanger you’re going to keep me up at night with lmao

- he was scared of losing her and was just gonna go be sad in his room by himself🥺

- even though he’s a good pirate (can’t believe i’m a pirate apologist now) he’s killed people before but what sits heaviest with him is that he’s hurt her!!! stfu that’s so pure

- as soon as he said to just call him eddie… oh babeyyy i knew shit was abt to go down in a sinful way. but no! poor eddie was blue balled, reader had a terrifying dream, and us (actual) readers were on the edge of our fucking seat

- the crew said they’d miss her!!

- hellfire shot first, right? (i kept getting interrupted trying to read that part so it’s fuzzy to me) WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE RED TAIL SANK I NEED THIS BACKSTORY OH MY GOD

CAN WE TALK ABT THE SMUT JFC. cause you rly fucking delivered on that

- ‘Really? The princess had thought of me, a filthy pirate?’ ‘I’m not a princess.’ You rolled your eyes playfully. ‘Out of all the things to dispute, you argue my words of affection?’

- ^fucking swooning over these lines

- ‘So you can be good for me.’

- ^this one too

- him admitting he lost his control due to jealousy!!! idec if it’s toxic (only cause this isn’t real life) jealous eddie is so hot

- as a tit (wo)man myself, i have to give my thanks for including boob stuff *chefs kiss*

more comments of after the smut cause i apparently have a million fucking thoughts abt this chapter i’m sorry😭

- they comforted each other after their nightmares that is so goddamn sweet im SICK

- ‘I had honesty considered just locking you away and keeping you forever, but I am a man of my word, am I not?’ HE SHOULD HAVE JUST KEPT HER THERE FOREVER. TURNED TF AROUND AND NEVER LOOKED BACK

- reader writing the ransom note and changing the whole story to try to spare eddie/hellfire was so smart oh my god u rly had me fooled that they weren’t gonna get in any trouble and be seen as fucking heroes or smth

- the comment abt him not having carpet fr cracked me up

- he read her mind and shut the idea of staying with him down:(( that son of a bitch (still love him tho)

- and he didn’t tie her hands tight so she could start swinging at any moment!! (c o m e o n reader…we’re fucking waiting! punch ur dad in the face!)

- ‘governor, i see we meet again’ again!!! AGAIN?!!?!

amazing fucking chapter. ur updates always make me so excited, and i’m eagerly waiting for more<333

Dont mind me just giddily giggling over all of this 🤭 but its really hard for me to reply bc i am just rereading your comments and kicking my feet with joy. You really know how to butter me up lmao and i wish i could write rn but i'll be at the beach the whole day so i will have to do with daydreams and the notes app- which, btw, do not ever again apologise for sharing your thoughts!! I as a professional attention whore absolutely thrive off of this so please do not stop

Well, ya know the title of the fic, and it is eddie so you know he's a sweetiepie at heart. He's just been through stuff (and yessss we will find out what. All questions will be answered i hope (unless people have questions to things i did not even consider but so far i dont think that has been the case???).

And listen, with [fan]fiction, there is no such thing as red flags 🫤🙄 only black ones with skulls on them 🏴‍☠️ and toxicity is what makes everything that extra bit spicy.

I am a bit sorry for blueballing yall at the beginning, but if i hadnt then we would not have gotten the rest of the chapter as it is now?? And that counts for something suuurely

plus, i tried to hold off on the smut as long as i could bc i really really do not like writing it, as much as i am an avid lover of it, which brings me to my next point of i really appreciate all the comments on the smut bc i honestly dont know what in doing most times and it was probably the main reason why it took so long to write this chapter because i just freeze up at the mention of genitalia lmao. My brain just becomes that cymbal monkey.

Hehe i was really proud of that pirate/princess line. And the carpet one. Just gotta break up the heaviness sometimes ya know. And you just know these two have that kind of "deprication as love language" affair. Is that a even a thing? Well i made it a thing. Especially since its basically canon for this au that eddie has a major degradation kink.

In a perfect world, they would have been welcomed as heroes, but in a perfect world they also would never have kidnapped her so 🫠

And yes Again 😌

#uglypastels answers #eddielives1986 #long post #hehehehe i love this #probably a bit too much #like youd think i had not written this #but i am really this obsessed with my own work #and what about it #i have very little else going on in my life

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imayhavebpd · 2 years ago

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Some context: the rant below may be disturbing, I talk about my relationship that is not going too good at the moment and about my worsening mental health.

Im nb and queer, so is my partner.

Just had the biggest fight with my partner and now he wants to leave me. after 3.5 years. We are both severely mentally ill and he wants to give up on our relationship. He doesnt care anymore, he has been breaking my trust over and over for the past few months. Suspicious relationship with a friend, going to her house, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and staying the night multiple times. He even confessed to sleeping in her bed once because he "felt light headed" . Her calling him in the middle of the night because she needed comfort. Him being ready to drop everything at any given moment to come to her place. He told me that they have been joking about him cheating on me with her since her newest boyfriend is so similar to him. Couple days ago he told me that he has been smoking weed with her, despite it being illegal in the place we live in. Drugs (each and every one) scare me so much and he knows that and still when I told him that I felt betrayed and disturbed he started calling me conservative and close minded. For the record, I dont think there is anything wrong with using any kind of drug, I just wished he would say something before he started doing drugs with her (and now he talks about doing mushrooms because they have a mutual friend who tries to grow them in her house). He likes to bully and tease me, make me feel bad and says that hes just joking. He lied to me in the past and about something very important too. He has been hiding that thing from me for months and we lived together. His parents are walking all over me, abusing both of us, trying to get us kicked out of our flat, despite being very rich they dont support him financially in any way and since he cant or wont find a job it falls on me to take care of finance (that is rent, food, medicine, transportation). I am beyond tired, Im suicidal and he doesnt care. He just doesnt care anymore. My job is literally killing me and I havent quit yet because the only way we can live together is if I have it. I feel betrayed, I feel emotionally cheated on, Im so disappointed that he would break my trust just to smoke weed with that girl and her friends and have fun.

The thing is.

I love him beyond words. I missed him before we knew each other. We are each others first partners, we are just 20 and we met in high school. Im autistic, and I really cant create deep relationships with other people. I dont know why, I just dont feel that way about the vast majority of people. Before I met him I felt lonely for all my life, there were people around me but no one understood me and they never felt like companions to me. We have been through hell together and its not the first time its bad. Almost every time it goes the same way, I want to fight for our relationship and he wants to leave, says that he doesnt love me anymore, that he doesnt feel anything. Now I lay in our bed, he is in the other room and I wait for him to come and talk to me.

He once crawled into our bed besides me and whispered that he could kill me if he wanted to, since he a lot taller and stronger than me. I never thought too much of it, but always it felt kinda weird.

Im not a good person, I told him that I want to kill myself and when he didnt want to talk earlier I asked what would happen if I left and didnt come back. He says that Im emotionally blackmailing him and he probably is right. I dont know, I have let so many things slide with him. I was screaming and crying and begging and he has been packing his stuff and ignoring me. And then I hit him. On his arm, not to hurt him but I know it was wrong. I wanted him to stop ignoring me but what I did is the worst thing I could have done. He said that this is probably the end as Im in his words "in the worst place mentally that I have ever been in". I cried all night, I cant sleep or eat, Im not thirsty, I just want the pain to stop. I want to hurt myself, I want him gone from my life, I want him to love me and care about what he has done to me, I want him to admit that he has ruined our relationship. I dont know who he is, he is a stranger to me but we have been together for all my life. I love him to death, I want to spend my life with him, I never want to see him again. He is still here, he has been taken away by his new friends and soon probably lovers and he has been taken away by himself and what is left I dont recognise.

Ive always invested more in this relationship, allowed hin to cross my boundaries when it made him happy untill I didnt have any left. I accept him, I love him, Im always there for him, he takes things out on me and I just continue to support him. I help him with his art and studies, I paint his nails and help him with anything he wants or needs help with. I allow him to run different psych. tests on me as he needs them for his studies, I give him my time and attention. Still, he is disgusted with my emotions, made me feel dirty by repeately telling me that I stink for over a month (and then admitted that I dont, he just thought it was a funny joke), told me that my anger is evil and pathological and that I should never feel it. He hates my body, hates that I have a human body and that Im not made out of glass and silicone and plastic. He doesnt kiss me on the lips and he finds my afab genitals to be extremly gross.

I lost so much in the past month, Im scared for my life. I lost a job opportunity that would have been perfect for me, and then I lost even more job opportunities. I may have lost my flat, I will probably have to move out untill the end of april. And now I have lost my boyfriend.

I know how it all sounds, but this is a vent and there is much more good than bad, we have loved each other deeply for a long time now.

#rant #personal vent #depresjon #tw bpd vent #tw toxicity #tw mentally ill #mental illness #anxienty #sewer slide

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glassartpeasants · 3 years ago

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That ending was a stab on the heart from beginning to end I'm gonna steal bob 🏃🏾‍♀️

The One That Got Away

Shigaraki x GN!Reader

Warnings: Angst, cheating, death

A/N: Don’t threaten Bob

~~~

The bed felt different after that night.

2 months ago you had caught Shigaraki cheating on you with someone random woman. You stood in the doorway just watching, trying to find the words to say but nothing came out. It’s only when you dropped your groceries and your present to him is when he noticed your presence.

*flashback*

“Shit! (Y/N) it’s not what it looks like-” He tripped over his words. You said nothing as you just looked at him, knowing that no matter how much you loved him that there was nothing that could ever make you forget this.

“Fuck just say something!” You were still silent as you dropped the groceries you were holding. It just wasn’t clicking for you. How could he do this to you? what had you done wrong?

“What did I do wrong?” Your voice seemed to echo throughout the room. Nobody said anything. Until she spoke up.

“Oh my god, Im so sorry! I didn’t know he was taken! Please forgive me.” The girl spoke as she jumped outta bed and started putting her clothes on.

“It’s okay. I forgive you.” Those words spilled from your mouth before you could actually say anything you meant. The girl had hugged you before saying she was so sorry a final time. Flipping off Shiggy on the way out.

“(Y/N)...i promise we can talk about this.” You just kept looking at him. Those eyes seemed to burn into his soul. He doesn’t think you noticed the tears spilling from your eyes. He was about to say something to you but you started to walk towards him. Thinking he was gonna get hit he just stood still before feeling your part of the bed dip.

He turns around to see you laying there, eyes still open with tears rushing down your face, your clothes of the day still on your body.

Shigaraki tried to put his arms around you but you had hit his hands back. and used your feet to push him to the edge of the bed while you laid clung to the wall.

*flashback over*

Thinking back on it you don’t know why you didn’t just walk away. Maybe you were to tired from being busy and running errands for him all day? Did you want it to be a bad dream and hope to walk up to realize nothing ever happened? Whatever the reason was, you weren’t sure but a part of you wishes that you left that night.

Now you sit at the bar, sitting far away from what use to be your boyfriend, not even taking a glimpse of him and he knew it. You just sat in the corner drinking and looking on your phone until a familiar smell approached you.

“Oh hey Dabi.”

“Hey there (Y/N), why aren’t you hanging out with crusty over there? He keeps staring at you and the tension in here could be cut with a knife. It’s been two months and apparently everyone said i should ask what's going on.”

“Im not going near him at the moment. We’re on a break per say.” this seemed to peak Dabi’s interest as he leaned closer.

“Oh? Did crusty do something? Your secret's safe with me, i swear on my soul.” What did it matter if you told Dabi? He already doesn’t respect Shigaraki so why not, plus, so what if that fuck didn’t want anyone knowing, he shouldn’t have cheated when everyone else was sleeping in the base.

“Don’t tell anyone I told you but, 2 months ago I caught Shigaraki cheating on me...” You felt small tears prickle the corner of your eyes. Bringing your hand up to your face you rub it away, hoping to ignore the pain that was banging against your chest.

“What a dick, wanna make him pay?” You look up at Dabi who had a huge grin on his face. You thought about it for a good few seconds before shaking each others hand.

“Once Shigaraki goes out on that mission today, we’ll talk more.” Dabi said before getting up from his seat and grabbing a drink from the bar.

You didn’t know what Dabi had planned but you hoped it would bring Shigaraki the same pain you felt that fateful night 2 months ago.

~~~

You sat on the ground in Dabi’s room as he paced back in forth, coming up with revenge plans. All of them sucked or ended up with you guys might going to Jail.

“New plan, everytime Shigaraki wants to hang out tell him you had plans with me and leave the room. You can go somewhere and i’ll go somewhere with you. Effectively ditching him.” Thinking, you try to come up with all the pros and cons this proposal Dabi shared with you. But soon your hurt over ruled the logical side of you and you agreed to it not a moment later.

“Great! Now all we need is for Shigaraki to ask to hang out with you. Don’t know how long that’ll take though...”

“I usually ignore him after what happened but sometimes he asks to hang out with me whenever its a slow day at the base or if he’s bored.”

“ Well guess we have to wait tell then huh?” Nodding your head, you get up before putting a thumbs up in his direction. You walked out of his room and see Shigaraki sitting at the bar. He must have finished his mission early. You rolled your eyes before sitting on the other side of the bar counter. You could feel shigaraki look at you through father.

“Hey....”

“.....”

“Look im sorry, a-and i know that doesn’t excuse what I did but please-” You got up before he could finishing his sentence as you walked towards your shared bedroom. Going in there use to give you comfort but now everytime you step into that room you see that fateful night over and over again.

You sat on the bed before hearing Shigaraki’s footsteps coming towards the room. Furrowing your brows, you ignore him as you put your shoes on. You needed a little bit of fresh air so you were planning on going to the local park to relax a bit. You weren’t a villain like the rest of them, you were just a simple civilian. Not that you minded really. It was peaceful not fearing for your life everyday and having the fear of failure not on your shoulders.

You didn’t really have a quirk so you just ignored the questions when people asked you if you had one.

“Can I talk to you?” You were dragged back to reality when Shigaraki’s voice rang through your ears. Annoyed you just answered hoping that the conversation would be short.

“What do you want?” You voice was snappy and you could feel the venom dripping from it.

“I understand that your mad. And you have every right to be but your not even giving me a chance to redeem myself and-”

“Redeem yourself? Why the hell would I do that? YOU cheated on ME. LIke hell im gonna forgive you so easily.”

“It’s been two months! What happened was in the past!”

“It was in the past my ass. How would you like it to see your lover in bed with another?!”

“I-”

“I felt like my soul died that day. I thought I was your only one! Only to find out that you slept with her! Was she a one time thing or were there more hookups?!” You stood up from the bed as your fists turned white and your anger slowly erupting.

“.....”

“TELL ME DAMNIT!”

“Three...there were three different occasions...” Now the tears were kicking in. You were hoping that it wasn’t true. What if there was more and he was only saying three just to ease your heart?

“Why? Why would you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this?” Your questions were like knives stabbing into Shigaraki’s heart. He wanted to tell you the truth, but he didn’t want your heart to hurt more than it already was.

“Im not going to ask again Shigaraki. You either tell me the truth or I will walk out of this base and never come back.”

“The...the first time it was a drunk accident, the second time Dabi had brought her to the base and one thing led to another. The last one was the same as the second one.”

“Did...did Dabi know about the affair?” You were begging, no pleading for him not to have known. You didn’t know if your heart could take it.

“Yes...” That was it. That was the thing that broke you. Walking up to Shigaraki you pushed past him before flipping him off and saying one final line.

“I would rather die that ever be with you again.” And with that, you left the hideout. You speed walked through the alleys to get to you parked your car. Your friends house was pretty far and you didn’t feel like walking in the dead of night were criminal activity was more active.

Getting in your car, you turn on the radio and start breaking down. Your tears were blurring your eyesight as you put the car in drive.

The streets weren’t busy except for the occasion car with some college students. Or drunk people walking along the sidewalk. The sound of the radio blasting songs that were supposed to be happy barley brightened up your mood as you drove down the dark highways.

All of a sudden a bright light hit your eyes from the right side. Some fuck must have had their brights on. But you had the right away so you went. All of a sudden a huge crash rang through your ears and the world became dark.

~~~

A ring came from Shigaraki’s phone. Looking at the clock he noticed it to be 2am. Annoyed he just decided to answer it.

“Hello, this is (hospital name). You were listed under a emergency contact for (Y/N) (L/N).” Shigaraki jolted awake as his hands reached his neck, standing up and already begun to pace the floor of his room.

“Yes did something happen?!”

“At 12am tonight miss (Y/N) was in a car crash. A hit and run to be exact. Their car was totalled after it rolled about 3 times from the speed that the driver hit them. A bystander of the accident called 119. They were in need of surgery immediately once paramedics noticed that they were crushed and bleeding out quickly due to a shard of glass that was stabbed in their chest.”

“Are they okay?!” The doctor on the other end went silent.

“Im deeply sorry for your lost sir. They died during surgery trying to remove the glass that was lodged in their skin. The police are on the look for the suspect. if you wish to see them were on (blank street). Once again, im sorry for your loss. Goodnight sir.” The phone went silent as the doctor hung up.

Everything seemed to stop as the feared villain feel to his knees. Tears fell from his eyes as his body shook. He realized that now it was impossible to even try. And the last words you had ever said were ‘ you’d rather die than ever be with him again.’ Crying into his hands as his tears made a puddle on the floor.

I guess you took your words seriously.

#shigaraki tomura #tomura shigaraki #Shigaraki #tomura shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x reader #tomura shiragaki #mha #bnha #mha angst #bnha angst #tomura shigaraki angst #:)

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joontopia · 3 years ago

Text

Oncoming Storm | KSJ

pairing: Human!Seokjin x Mermaid!reader

genre: smut, slight angst, fluff, basically porn with a dollop of plot

au: fantasy au, strangers to lovers

rating: explicit, nsfw, 18+

word count: 5.6k (WILDLY UNEDITED)

warnings: slight angst, some pining, some mentions of blood, mentions of injuries, sharks, unprotected sex, biting, breast play, fingering, oral (f. recieving), multiple orgasms, cream pie, subtle mentions of religion

a/n: so here it is! and im so mad at myself because i’m posting it so late. i accidentally took a nap that turned into actual sleep. I changed the plot to this fic so many times, i was happy when i landed on a plot that i liked. please keep in mind that this fic is currently un-beta’d and un-edited. I’m still in the process of moving homes. so once I am done, I will go back and edit this fic. I really hope you enjoy this fic!

part of The Last Splash Collab hosted by @kimtaehyunq Maggie thank you so much for letting me join and putting up my shenanigans in our DMs. I love you!

The storm is close. You can feel it in the air. Sense it in the restless calm that has overtaken the ocean water around you. You know what this means, the whispers in the sea breeze only confirming your suspicions with each passing wind as you swim up to your lover’s boat. It’s time to migrate.

You had a feeling this time was coming soon. The last time a migration happened was two years ago. You remember it quite vividly. It was the very day you met the first friendly human you’ve ever come into contact with. The very handsome Kim Seokjin.

It was at the beginning of the last migration. Your tribe of merpeople had just entered into your new territory, having followed the strong storm current until the flow started to calm. The usual indication that your tribe has reached whatever new home the God of the Sea has called you to. Everything was going fine, the heavy storms had kept the waters clear of any boats to help prevent any humans from witnessing pods of merpeople in the water. It wasn’t until your pod had reached the end of the current tunnel when trouble had struck.

A group of rogue sharks were there to greet your people. Circling and dividing your clan, trying to weed out the weak swimmers from the strong. Many of your people were able to swim away, the warriors of the group fought off the sharks with no major injuries or casualties, managing to make the attackers flee the area. All but one. In the midst of all the chaos, one of the sharks had successfully rounded up two young mermaids who had gotten separated from the pack, circling them as if playing with them. Feeding off the sense of their fear before striking to kill. It wasn’t until you noticed the dark, hungry eyes of the deadly hunter focused on you that you realized what you had done. The blood from the cut on your arm won it’s attention, allowing the two younglings to scurry away to safety.

You hadn’t even noticed you had done it. Instincts kicking in, causing you to grab one of the sharp shells on your necklace. Your body moving quickly on its own to create the mark, knowing the blood hungry beast wouldn’t be able to help itself. You turned the opposite way from where the younglings escaped and swam away as fast as you could, the shark following closely behind you. You looked around you, hoping to find a cave or possibly one of your fellow mer-warriors to help you with your escape. You don’t know how far or how long you swam, dodging each attack the shark attempted on you. You could feel your body growing tired, your tail not able to keep you at the same speed as before. You sense the shift in the water, your attacker positioning himself for another strike. You use the last of your strength to dodge once again, barely evading the shark’s bite as a few of his teeth clip your side. Traces of your blood dissipate into the water as you once again start to swim away, the pain of your new injury destroying the rest of your energy. You start to think you’re finally done for until you’re suddenly dragged up and out of the water. The sudden rush of fresh air invading your lungs as you look around you in a panic, gripping at the netted rope that you found yourself ensnared in.

With night time in its full glory in the sky, you try to use the light of the moon to check your surroundings. It’s not until you feel yourself moving around in the air that your eyes finally see the fishing boat your entrapment is attached to. Panic takes over as the predicament of your situation starts to settle in. In the midst of escaping one of your kinds’ greatest threats, you managed to get yourself caught by the next worst thing. Humans.

You reach for one of the shells on your necklace, yanking it free and trying to make quick work on the ropes holding you captive. You nearly make a hole big enough for you to slip out and back into the water when you feel the net dropping, your body slamming hard on the deck of the boat. You scramble to get yourself free of the net before your captor has a chance to make an appearance. Your tail thrashes around wildly, making you feel like the quite literal fish out of water that you are. You silently pray the thrashing and the sea breeze is enough to quickly dry your scales, allowing your lower body to take on a human form. Your wish goes unanswered, replaced by the grace of the net being freed from around you. You flip to your stomach, adrenaline coursing through you as you try to scoot yourself to the edge of the boat. Your blood pumps so loudly in your ears, deafening you to the heavy footsteps coming up from behind. You’re nearly to the back of the boat when you feel hands clasp your arm, your fight or flight reflex causing you to flip back over, slapping your newest attacker across the face with your tail. Successful knocking them away and on their ass. You go to turn back to make your escape when you hear the voice of your attacker. His choice of words halts you from jumping back into your home.

“Wait! The shark is still there!” He exclaims, pure panic and genuine concern laced in his vocals. You keep your eyes on the water, breathing heavily as you peer into the dark abyss in front of you, trying to see if the shark was still indeed awaiting for your return into it’s hunting ground. Thinking your fate is sealed either way, you consider risking it before once again being interrupted by his voice.

“Please, I’m not going to hurt you. I was trying to help-- Holy hell…” The stranger's words die out as you turn to look at him, his eyes on your body as you follow his gaze down to your dissipating tail. The usual bluish purple of your scales slowly shed from you. The now smooth appendage slowly forms into the shape of human legs, having dried enough to allow the transformation. The remaining scales of your tail cling to your flesh in patches, glinting in the moonlight as you move to curl into yourself and put distance in between you and the strange man before you.

“You’re actually real. Mermaids are actually real,” the man speaks softly, as if to himself. His eyes locked on the fallen scales scattered across the floor. You take in a few deep breaths, watching him carefully as you build up the courage to speak.

“Please…” you gasp. The man’s eyes flicking up to yours, his features softening as he notices the fear in your eyes. “Please just let me go.”

The man scans your body quickly one last time, shock taking over his gaze as he scrambles to his feet, removing the weather jacket from around his shoulders and approaches you slowly. You flinch in fear, the man halting and holding his hands up as he takes a small step back.

“No, no. It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you. Please, just take this. I don’t want you to get cold.” He slowly hands the jacket in your direction. You eye it carefully before looking back up at his face, trying to find any trace of deceit in his demeanor. You find nothing but softness, allowing yourself to accept his offer, taking the jacket from his hands and wrapping it around you.

“Thank you,” you mutter, clutching the jacket closer to you as you continue to watch your unexpected savior.

“Here, let me help. We should get your wounds patched up,” He says to you as he slowly approaches you again, his hand still held out towards you. This time looking to help you to your feet. You cautiously take his hand, allowing him to pull you upright. You let go of him prematurely, not anticipating how shaky your lower body would be. You try to take a step forward, following him to a nearby bench only for your newly formed legs to give way causing you to start to fall forward and straight into the man’s arms. “Woah, easy there. Hold on tight, okay?”

You nod your head meekly, blushing as you hold on to his arm as he walks you to the bench and sits you down. Your hand slides down his arm as you let him go, allowing you to feel the firmness of his muscles as he pulls away. He kneels down beside you, opening a small door under the bench and pulls out a small red case. You watch him as he moves, eyes falling on to the wide expanse of his shoulders as he opens up the case, pulling out various bandages and ointments. He looks back up at you and you quickly look away. Your blush deepening from being caught staring at him. You notice his smirk out of the corner of your eye as he holds out his hand, gesturing towards the injuries on your side. “May I?” he asks you, the gentleness in his tone chipping away at your resolve. You nod once again, moving the jacket just enough to expose your injuries to the man.

He quickly goes to work, silence falling between the two of you as he starts cleaning your wounds. You watch him as he works, admiring the determination in his eyes. You observe his face, tracing the slight dip of his nose and observing the pink plushness of his lips. Finding it cute how he has them slightly parted as he focuses on your scratches. As if he feels you watching him, his eyes flicker up to meet your gaze for only a second before looking back down at his current task and clearing his throat.

“So what's your uh… Or do you have a name? What can I call you?” He asks you, a blush creeping up on his face as he starts to feel self conscious over his question.

You giggle at the cuteness, knowing this has to be a new social experience for the two of you. This being the first time you’ve ever interacted so closely with a human and, considering his reaction earlier, this would be his first interaction with someone of your kind as well. You clear your throat as well, hoping your shyness has subsided enough for you to be able to speak clearly.

“I do. It’s Y/N. Thank you for saving me. I would have never expected this type of kindness from a human.” You smile down at him as he chuckles at your words. He places the last of the bandages on your wounds, packing up the small case and placing it back in its spot beneath the bench.

He looks up at you, blessing you with a breathtaking smile that knocks the air from your lungs. The sight of the simple gesture melting away the rest of the protective guard you held up and seeping straight into your heart, wanting nothing more than to stay this close to him. You feel the warmth radiating from his hand that’s resting on your exposed knee, finding comfort in the closeness from this complete stranger. You don’t notice how out of tune with reality you become until you see his lips start to move, the honey sweet baritone of his voice bringing you back to the moment. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Y/N. My name is Seokjin.”

He let you stay on the boat that night, allowing you to take the bed as he slept up on the couch in the cabin. Giving you somewhere safe to stay as you waited for morning, in hopes that it will allow you a safe return into the ocean to reunite with your tribe. You had thought you would never see him again, but fate had a different plan. It was only two short weeks later that you found yourself venturing upon his boat. You had stayed a safe distance away, wondering just how many boats with purple stripes down the side existed on this side of the water. It wasn’t until you saw the enscripted boat name “Epiphany” on the side shortly before the handsome, wide shouldered captain made his appearance. The moment he noticed you approach his vessel, he gave you the warmest smile, helping you onboard and offering you a blanket to cover your transforming body.

Since that day, the both of you made these little visits a weekly tradition. Spending the whole day learning about each other, swapping stories about each other's worlds. Growing closer and more intimate in your interactions the more time you spend with each other. The hellos and goodbyes were combined with hugs. Casual conversations were enhanced by subtle touches and soft grazes of each other's skin. Then one night during a full moon, the first of which you two were able to enjoy together, Seokjin found the courage to pull you close, asking you if it was okay to give you a kiss.

You remember being taken back by the softness of his plush lips, how your body melted into his from the tenderness of his touch. It wasn’t long before you began staying the night with Seokjin, sharing his bed while exploring each other’s bodies. You had never been touched by a man before. Had expressed that concern with him only to be comforted with the knowledge that he wouldn’t pressure you to do anything you didn’t want.

You smile at the memory of your shared nights together, not realizing you had made it to the Epiphany until you hear Seokjin’s voice cutting into your thoughts.

“Arms too tired to pull yourself up?” He teases you as he looks over the side of the boat, smiling as he watches you wading in the water.

You stick your tongue out, mocking his laughter as he reaches for you, helping you onto the deck. “ Ha ha. You’re quite the comedian, Jinnie,” you tease back, savoring each sound of his addictive laugh as it rings through your ears. Oh, how you’re going to miss that laugh.

The reminder of the oncoming storm brings your mood back down. The sudden shift in your demeanor doesn’t slip past Seokjin. His brows furrow in concern as he watches you, handing you the towel and one of his t-shirts he had waiting for you. You start to pat your scales dry, refusing to look at him as you’re not quite ready to break the news. Much to your dismay, Seokjin was not on the same page as you.

“What’s wrong, love?” His voice addresses you softly. His genuine concern for you wraps you in a warm embrace, causing unwanted tears to begin to pool at your waterline. You still don’t look up at him. Your gaze trained on your shedding scales as you dry off your upper body before pulling his t-shirt over you. As the fabric passes your nostrils, you breathe in deeply, taking in every note of his scent and committing it to your memory. Your heart begins to ache with every breath you take. You finally look up at him once your legs finish transitioning, standing from your spot on the deck. He reaches out to help steady you, a reaction you know he did without even thinking. The ache in your heart deepens as you grab onto his forearms to balance.

You take a deep breath as you prepare yourself for what you’re about to say. “I have to leave, Jin.”

His features contort in confusion, his hands still on your waist as he questions your words. “So soon? But you just got here,” he responds, the gravity of your statement completely lost on him.

“No,” you say as you shake your head. Tears threaten to spill over as your voice begins to shake. “I have to leave. The storm, Jin. It’s coming.”

Jin continues to look at you in confusion. It takes a full minute before he realizes what you mean, his eyes growing wide with panic indicating to you that he’s caught on.

“Are you sure?” he asks. “It could be just a terrible storm. Just like before.”

The hopefulness in his voice nearly breaks you. You wished he was right. Wished this was just a false alarm. It was almost a year ago from this day when you thought the storm for the migration was starting. There were only small indicators that the brewing weather was going to be it, but enough indicators that had you convinced it was going to happen. It was also the first night you gave yourself completely to Seokjin, wanting your last night with him to be a memorable one. When you had learned in the following days that the threatening storm had passed, you were ecstatic, wasting no time to race back to Seokjin and into your rightful place beside him. You spent every night with him in his arms ever since. But now the omens of what's to come are back again. And this time they are very much real.

You shake your head at him once again, stepping into him and leaning your head onto his chest as he wraps his arms around you. Holding you tightly as if you were going to disappear right there. “I’m sure of it, Jinnie. The tribe’s elders confirmed it this morning. The storm will be here in three days.”

Silence grows between you two as you stand there holding each other. You have no idea what to say at this moment. No idea what either of you could say, but you just want to hear his voice. Just want to hear it as much as possible before your inevitable departure. As you fail to search for something to say, you feel the vibrations in his chest from him starting to talk and you're grateful that it’s only one of you that's at a loss of words. It’s not until you hear what he asks that you wish the two of you sat in silence just a little longer.

“What if you don’t leave? You can stay with me. Live by the shore, somewhere remote where you’ll be safe.”

Your tears begin to fall freely as you pull away from him. His arms only loosen around you slightly, giving you just enough space to lean back and look up at him. “Bad things happen to mermaids who get separated from their pack. The loneliness will eat away my soul, changing me into something dangerous. I would no longer be myself.”

“Then I’ll come with you,” Jin states confidently, looking down at you with determination in his eyes. Your tears fall faster as you shake your head again.

“It’s too dangerous, Jin. The storm will kill you. The Gods created this specifically to keep us safe as we travel in masses.”

Jin closes his eyes, his shoulders slumping in defeat as he leans his forehead against yours. His breathing becomes ragged as he continues to hold you closely. “Then stay with me until you need to leave. Only if you can,” he whispers to you, the slight tremble in his tone crushing your heart.

“I can do that,” you respond, leaning up on tiptoes as you place a soft kiss on his plush lips.

The two of you spend the rest of your day talking, Jin asking every possible question he can think of, trying to find a way to decipher where this storm may take you. You answer him the best you can with the limited information that you have. Tribal Elders have tried their best to determine a pattern in the way your new homes were chosen, but never find anything concrete. It is a decision truly left up to the Gods.

As night falls upon you, you feel the exhaustion come over you. Slowly leading Seokjin to the bed, you curl up into him the moment you both settle onto the mattress, clinging on to him with all your might. Not wanting to part from him until you absolutely have to. He places soft kisses on your head as he holds you just as close, humming to you in his sweet voice as he starts to rock the two of you to sleep.

Not wanting to sleep just yet, you readjust yourself slightly, allowing yourself enough space to move closer to Jin’s lips, kissing them as soon as you reach them. He kisses you back and you waste no time to deepen the connection, licking his bottom lip with your tongue as a wordless request to enter. He reciprocates, the both of you parting your lips, your appendages dancing around each other in a fiery passion.

You run your hand down his bare body, slowly making your way to the hem of his pants. Seokjin stops you, grabbing your hand into his own.

“We don’t have to do this,” Jin whispers to you, trailing kisses along your face. “Being here with you is enough.”

“I want to, Jin. Please, make love to me.” Your voice shakes in your response, your lips trembling from the sob building in your chest. Jin stops it with his own lips, capturing yours into another deep kiss.

Releasing your hand, Jin helps you undress himself before pulling your lone shirt from over your body. He lays you back against the bed, placing more soft kisses across your face before trailing his lips down your body. He stops at your breast, taking a moment to circle your pert nipples with his tongue. He gives each a small suck, the sensation causing you to arch your back, shoving your breast further into his face. Before releasing the last bud, Jin gives it a soft nibble, chuckling at the light gasp that escapes from you before continuing to lower himself down your body.

As he makes it to your core, he places your legs on his shoulders, rubbing your thighs as he looks up at you. “I’ll take care of you, my love. I’ll make sure you never forget tonight,” he coos at you as he places two fingers on your lips, forming a V with them to spread you apart. You feel him lick a strip right up your center. A delicious shiver crawls up your spine at the satisfying feeling. He gives you another lick, making a point to flick his tongue against your clit once he reaches the top. You feel your arousal leaking from your heat as Jin repeats his movements. You let out a groan with each stroke, your legs beginning to shake on top of his shoulders from the subtle teasing.

You feel him gather your wetness on two fingers, slowly slipping both inside of you at once. You arch your back again at the pressure, trying your best not to squirm with each pump of his hands. Jin holds you down by the waist with his other hand to keep you in place as he picks up his speed, scissoring his fingers every few pumps to spread you apart. The moment you feel your walls begin to quiver, the pressure against them growing from the third finger Seokjin adds into your hole. He begins to move even faster, adding a curl to his fingers with each passing stroke. It’s not long before you feel a knot form inside of you, your toes curling at pleasure coursing through your body. You quickly feel yourself approaching the edge of your orgasm, the growing volume of your moans giving Jin a good indication of how close you really are. You think you hit a stall in your pleasure when Jin surprises you, wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking hard. It’s not until he gives your swollen nub a quick flick with his tongue that the knot releases, your body shaking as you cum around his fingers.

Jin continues to finger you through your orgasm, slowing his speed as he helps ease you down. The euphoric feeling takes over your body, too busy riding the high to notice Jin removing himself from your core. You’re barely down from your high when you feel Seokjin hover above you, slowly lining himself up to your pulsing entrance. He rubs the head of his cock around your slick hole, gathering us as much of your juices as he watches you, waiting to see if you’re okay with what’s to come next.

“Do you want to keep going, my love?” he asks you so sweetly. The tenderness in his tone sings to your heart, the need for him growing with each passing moment.

“Yes, Jinnie. Please. Need you,” You whimper as you slowly push down onto him, your body begging to feel him where you want him the most.

“I’m all yours, darling,” he assures you, pushing into you at the same time.

You both groan in unison at the sensation. Jin slowly pumps in and out of you, sinking into you deeper with each motion as he patiently waits for your walls to adjust to him. As he buries himself inside of you, he watches your face for any signs of pain only to be met with your features contorting in pleasure. He pauses his movements, waiting for you to give him a sign that you're ready to continue. You try to answer him by grinding down your hips, only resorting to a verbal response once you notice he didn’t pick up on the action.

“Move, Jinnie. Please,” you whine as you wrap your hands around his shoulders, bringing him into you for a kiss. Jin starts his pace off slow, matching it with the speed of your shared kiss. Your walls continue to pulse around him with each slow drag, the tip of his length hitting that small bundle of nerves deep inside of you every time he buries himself to the hilt. You shamelessly whine for more, Jin wasting no time to answer the call. He speeds up his pace, pumping inside of you relentlessly. The familiar knot grows inside you quickly once again as each thrust pushes you closer to another release. You can sense Jin’s release coming closer as well by the way his thrusts become shorter and sloppier. He breaks your lips apart, leaning his forehead against yours as you both pant in pleasure.

“Cum with me, darling,” he groans as he moves one of his hands in between your bodies, placing his thumb on your swollen clit and rubbing it in circles. The added sensation is enough to send you back over the edge, your walls clamping down on Jin’s shaft with each pulse of your release as you call out his name. His own release overcomes him as he slams inside of you, filling you with his warm seed as he joins you, groaning out your name. He braces his arms beside your head, trying his best to keep himself from crushing you under his body weight, leaning down to capture your lips in another kiss.

The next two days were spent exactly like this. The two of you never leaving the safety of the cabin, pretending like the outside world no longer existed. It was just the two of you in this bed, sharing the love you have for each other in every way possible.

By the dawn of the third day, the slight rocking of the boat from the restless waves wakes you, warning you that the migrating storm has begun. Jin stirs beside you, feeling your movements as you start to climb out of the bed. He sits up next to you, grabbing your arm before you are able to fully climb off the mattress and pulls you into him, hugging you to his body as he whispers into your ear, “Please, not yet. Just give me a few more minutes.”

You don’t argue or try to move. Knowing good and well you’d regret not taking these last few minutes when you have the chance. You hold each other in silence for just a few more minutes before Jin cups your chin gently, angling your face to kiss you deeply. You return it, the two of you pouring every once of love you have for each other into the kiss. After another moment, you force yourself to pull away, standing from the bed as you face the man before you. The boat now rocking more heavily as the winds begin to pick up.

“You have to leave now, Jin. You’re running out of time before it becomes unsafe.”

He slowly nods his head as he begins to move, quickly dressing himself as soon as he gets up from the bed. You reach out your hand, watching as he takes it willingly, interlocking your fingers together as he starts to pull you towards the stairs leading to the deck. You walk in silence to the back of the boat, not finding the courage to release his hand, silently wishing to the Gods that you didn't have to leave.

You turn to him, looking up at him as he smiles sadly down at you. “Please don’t forget me,” you whisper softly, tears once again falling down your cheeks.

Jin reaches up with his free hand, wiping away the droplets as his own tears begin to streak his face. “I’ll never forget you. We’ll see each other again. This is not how we end.”

The confidence in his tone stabs at your heart. Filling you with a hopefulness that you know will only crush you in the end. “How are you so sure?” you croak as your tears fall harder. “The world is big, and I have no idea where I’ll go and when.”

“The sea brought us together before, it will help us find each other again.” Jin leans down to kiss you one last time, as if to seal his uncertain promise. After a moment, he backs away, releasing your held hands at the same time. “Now go, before it's too late. I will find you. I promise. I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, Seokjin.”

You give each other one last look before you turn around. You take a deep breath before diving into the water, the scales of your tail forming quickly from the moisture. You swim yourself a ways towards the direction of your tribe, wanting to put as much distance between yourself and the man you love before resurfacing. Fearing that your resolve would not be strong enough to keep you from returning back to him. Once you feel like you made it far enough, you swim towards the surface, turning around immediately as you break out of the water. Your heart rips into tiny pieces as you watch the image of the Epiphany disappearing into the distance.

It’s been five months now in your new home. The beauty of the ocean and surrounding islands are just as captivating as all your previous homes, but something is keeping you from being able to enjoy your new slice of paradise. Something that you miss dearly every single day since you migrated. You feel the need to clear your mind, no longer wanting to dwell in your own sadness. You venture out into your new territory, swimming out further than you have before. You’re not sure why you do it, wandering this far out from the safety of your tribe being a completely reckless choice to make. Your only reasoning being that you’re just allowing the sea to take you wear you need to go, trusting in the Water Gods to keep you safe as you free float along the surface of the water. You happen upon a small island cove, hiding behind the tall rocks protruding from the water to provide you shelter from the heat of the sun. You close your eyes, losing yourself in the ambience of the ocean as the subtle song of waves breaking starts to lull you into a dream.

Your mind wanders to your lost love, your heart aching for him as you imagine what he could be doing at this very moment. You picture him on his boat, leaning over the edge with a fishing pole in hand. The image in your mind being drawn from pieces of your memories. The vision feels so real, so detailed in your mind, you feel like you can practically hear the soft rumble of his boat engines.

Suddenly, you feel a displaced vibration in the water, the very rumbles you were just imagining now sounding a lot louder and much closer than your distant memory. You lean up from your free float, looking around you for whatever may be causing the disruption to your day dreaming. Peering out into the horizon, you faintly see a small vessel approach you. You quickly duck behind the nearest rock, hoping whoever is approaching hasn’t noticed you. You start to slowly sink under the surface, preparing yourself to make your escape when a sudden pull in your heart begs you to stop.

You peer out from your cover, watching the small boat carefully as it moves closer. The boat turns ever so slightly, allowing the purple stripes along the side to become visible. Your eyes grow large, a wide smile spreading across your face as you jump from around the secrecy of the rock and swim closer to the approaching vessel, the silhouette of it’s wide shouldered captain becoming more visible with each passing stroke.

#bangtaninn #bangtansorciere #bangtanarmynet #kwritersworldnet #btswritingcafe #hyunglinenetwork #bts smut #seokjin smut #bts fanfic

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in-ky · 3 years ago

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Hi! I’d love a story about Negan being a serial killer who only kills “bad people” (like in Dexter) and maybe he saves the reader from her ex who’s about to kill her and Negan can save her and takes her in because she’s a mess but she’s actually a killer herself (who kills rapists etc/ only the bad ones) and Negan and the reader start fighting and then get caught up in steamy hot sex 🥵 thank you!

Savior - Negan Killer AU

Warnings: Warnings: GORE + violence, smut, domestic abuse, swearing, dirty talk ig? idk how to tag this lol

A/N: hey! i struggled over this one for a while lol. ive only seen like. 3? episodes of dexter so. i really hope this meets your expectations! also forgive any mistakes its late, im tired, and i wanna get this up lol. also, is negan batman? maybe. 3.7k words

"Will, stop you're hurting me!" I hissed, grabbing at his wrist. He tugged me out of the bustling restaurant and into the dark street.

"I don't really give a shit," He snarled, throwing me into a secluded alleyway a few buildings down from the restaurant. Will had taken me out to a business dinner with his boss in hopes of showing me off and making a good impression. But things didn't quite go according to plan. "You embarrassed me in front of everyone!" He pushed me against the brick wall of the closed department store.

"What was I supposed to do?" I sneered, trying to wiggle away from him "He kept commenting on my body, saying how he wished he could take me home at the end of the night and do all kinds of 'unspeakable things to me'."

"You were just supposed to shut up and take it!" Will said, voice filled with rage "But no, you and your untamable fucking complex just couldn't handle a compliment. You threw your drink in his face! You're lucky he didn't fire me right then and there. You made me look like some pussy who can't control his whore."

"You're an asshole." I shouted, tears welling at the edges of my eyes. Will's face contorted further into a look of pure, unadulterated hatred.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" He seethed, clasping his hand tightly around my throat and constricting his fingers around my airway.

"I said you're an asshole who cares more about his dead-end career than his fucking girlfriend." I croaked. I hated him. I hated him so much. My vision clouded with the combination of disgust, loathing, and lack of oxygen, so I hit him where I knew it hurt. "There's a reason you needed me for arm candy tonight. It's 'cause you're a boring, piece-of-shit, lowlife who has no skill whatsoever. How does it feel knowing you need me to make something of yourself?" With that, he threw me to the ground by my throat. He wasted no time and pinned me to the cold concrete. His knees dug into my shoulders and his hand flew to his back pocket, whipping out the switchblade he carried as a precaution against mugging. My eyes widened as they caught a glint of the moonlight off the sharp knife. He brought the blade up to my throat and slapped me over the cheek harshly with his free hand.

"You better take back those words, bitch," He hissed, pressing the blade into the soft skin of my jugular "or they might just be your last." A dribble of blood ran down my neck with the pressure. Realization flashed through my mind. I could die right then. That could have been my last moment. Was I scared? No. Why wasn't I scared? Maybe it had to do with the shadowy figure that was slowly approaching us from the ally entrance.

There was plenty of time for me to warn Will that someone was coming. But I didn't. Instead, I stayed quiet and watched as the shadow figure pulled Will from my body with ease and tossed him to the side. Everything was kind of a blur. I was still oxygen starved and filled with a whirl-wind of emotion. I heard Will cry out in surprise and indignance. The shadow figure said nothing. It saw the switchblade with a steady line of my blood. It kicked Will in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Then it lifted up a baseball bat over its head and cracked it down over Will's skull. He continued to beat Will until he stopped squirming. The shadow figure paused and swung the bat over his shoulder. I had regained my breath and pushed myself to my elbows. The shadow noticed me moving and took a few heavy steps in my direction. I squirmed away slightly, instincts telling me to get away from the thing that had just pulverized my boyfriend. The shadow entered a stream of moonlight. It was a man. He had peppered hair and a blood-speckled face. He had dark brown eyes and a small smile perched on his lips.

"You okay, sweetheart?" He said. His voice was deep. I was partially surprised. He wasn't a bulky man. He was tall and had a broad frame, but his limbs were long and his body was lithe. He wore a leather jacket and his boots were slick with what I could only assume were Will's brains. I didn't want to look at his bat.

"W-Why did you do that?" I whispered. It was all I could muster.

"He was going to kill you." The man sounded confused, like I was supposed to know who he was and why he saved me.

"You don't know that." My voice was quiet. My eyes were glued to a spot behind the man, unblinking. He let out a throaty chuckle and dropped to a squat, leveling with me.

"Doll, he had a knife pressed to your throat," His words were gentle "Looked like he was gonna fuckin' kill you." He hesitantly reached out two fingers in the direction of my face. I didn't move. He was wearing leather gloves. The ridged fabric ran along my injuries. "Seems like he did some damage before I could step in. Damn. Sorry about that. Listen, I live a few streets down. If you want, I can get you cleaned up."

"Okay," I said softly. I let him help me up to my feet. He guided me along with one arm while holding his bat with the other. As we walked out of the alley I couldn't help but look down at Will, or what remained of him at least. His forehead was split in half, a pool of chunky blood bubbling on the ground. I clenched my jaw and forced myself to swallow the bile that had risen in my throat. And yet, I didn't feel sad. I didn't mourn him. Maybe it was shock, maybe it wasn't. "Thank you?" I murmured, though it was more of a question. The man and I stepped out onto the street and I was grateful there was no one around to see us leaving the scene of a very heinous-looking crime.

"No problem, doll," The man hummed, setting a brisk pace down the sidewalk. "The name's Negan, by the way." Cool. Negan: my Savior.

~~~

"So you're like Batman?" I asked Negan as he dabbed the blood away from my neck. He gave a short chuckle and tore away the sticky part of the band-aid.

"I guess you can say that," he mused, splaying the bandage over the cut the knife had left "but I specifically go for people that I know have hurt others. The baddies, if you will."

"Is that legal?" I tilted my head, crossing my ankles as they dangled over the bathroom counter. My palms were flat on the surface of Negan's marble sink top, fiddling with the wrappers of the medical supplies he had used to clean and bandage my small cuts and bruises.

"I haven't been caught," Negan shrugged "besides, it's less work for the police. They don't have to do any interrogation bullshit or anything. I usually catch people in the act, like tonight. Then I do my thing."

"Do you kill everyone?"

"Only the bad people," He reminded, tossing away a bloody tissue "only people who have hurt others. But, yes, usually the offender ends up on the business end of Lucille over there." He pointed out the door into the living room, where the still-bloody bat rested against a chair. I furrowed my brow.

"Well, doesn't that make you a bad guy?" I pressed. He tapped my knee and I dropped down to the tile floor, tucking my hair behind my ear and gathering some of the scraps.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you still kill people, right? Even if they're bad? So doesn't that still make you a killer?" Negan was quiet for a minute. "Let's put it this way," I continued "What would you do if you came across someone who was like you; someone who hurt the bad people. Would you still kill them. They're hurting people." Negan took a deep breath and let it out with a contemplative sigh, itching his bearded chin.

"I'm not sure," He mused "I've never really thought about it before. See, I don't consider myself a bad person per say. Yea, what I'm doing might be considered fucked up. But I'm doing it for the right reason. I'm protecting people by attacking their attackers. In the end, someone's saved." He brushed off his hands and led me out of the bathroom, flicking the light off. "Would you rather me not have saved you tonight?"

"No," I said immediately "thank you. Really, thank you. You saved my life. Will is...was...always a dick, but I never thought he'd actually hurt me. I guess that proves people can have a whole bunch of layers." Negan nodded and moved to the kitchen. He raised a bottle of whiskey as an offering. I shook my head but he poured himself a glass.

"I was just doing my job," Negan grinned sympathetically "I'm sorry your boyfriend was an asshole who tried to murder you." I shrugged, amusement in my eyes.

"Eh, it happens to everyone." I smiled as he let out another laugh. I felt as if I shouldn't be laughing, but at the same time, everyone has their own responses to almost getting stabbed to death in an alley. So I let myself have this moment. Besides, Negan was a good guy to be around. He made me feel safe, comfortable, secure. Everything I needed right now. "So, Negan, what do you do? Surely vigilante-ing can't pay well, and this apartment is really nice."

"I'm a retired baseball player," Negan said, sipping his whiskey and settling into one of the armchairs in the living room "Hence the bat."

"Were you any good?" I asked. He let out a loud scoff.

"Was I any good?" He mocked "Sweetheart, I have a whole damn trophy room. I was fucking amazing. I just got old."

"So you're rich with no real job, you kill bad guys, and you have a massive ego," I listed "You really are like Batman, aren't you?"

~~~

Negan let me stay on his couch that night. It was leather, like everything else that man seemed to own, but it was comfortable. I woke up to the smell of bacon filling the air. I groaned and rubbed my fists against my eyes, clearing them of sleep. I stretched my arms above my head in a yawn and rolled off the couch, stumbling into the kitchen. Negan was hunched over the bubbling pan, dodging pellets of grease as they shot up at him.

"Smells good!" I purred, closing my eyes and taking a deep inhale.

"Good," He grumbled "You better fucking enjoy it because I've gotten burned at least three times." I laughed and walked up to him examining the small red patches that dotted his arms.

"You didn't have to make me breakfast you know."

"Yea, but I wanted to make sure you were comfortable," He sighed, turning off the stove and scooping the cooked bacon onto a paper towel. "Besides, I was craving some bacon when I woke up. I haven't had someone to share a meal with in a while."

"Well, if you want, you can come by my house for dinner." I offered, crunching down on a piece of bacon "I've been meaning to whip out the family alfredo recipe for a while, maybe a hot date would give me that incentive." I gave him a playful wink and he chuckled.

"Sure thing, doll," He hummed, putting the pan in the sink "I love me some fucking spaghetti. I'll see you around seven?"

"Sounds good."

~~~

I ran down the sidewalk, chest heaving. There was enough darkness to cover me, but I still kept my head down to prevent recognition. I held my hands close to my stomach, praying that the blood on my fingers wouldn't drip on the pavement and leave a trail. I had been on my way home from the store when I heard some commotion coming from an alley. My first instinct was to run, but then I heard the girl crying for help. Negan came to mind, what he did, how he helped people. I couldn't turn away. I marched down the alley and saw a greasy man pinning a woman to the wall of a building. Flashbacks of the night before hit me like a train. I looked on top of the alley dumpster and saw a crowbar perched on one of the lids. I grabbed it and stormed up to the man, whacking him upside the head with the weapon. I kicked him to the side and brought the crowbar over my head before swinging it down. It connected with his face in a sickening 'thwack.' I thought of Will. I thought of what might of happened if Negan had never stopped him. I thought of all the times that bastard had gotten drunk and told me I was nothing. I let the rage bubble up and fuel my beating. By the time I was pulled back into the moment, my muscles were screaming, the woman was gone, and the man's face was unrecognizable. I tossed the crowbar into the dumpster and ran back home.

Dried blood is extremely hard to wash off. It sticks to your skin in flakes, creating a pattern of red veins crawling over your hands. Fuck. I scrubbed as hard as I could under the rushing water of the sink, pumping more and more soap into my hand. It was under my fingernails. It was stuck in my palm prints. Shit, did I leave fingerprints at the scene? Would they be coming for me? With a hiss, I rubbed even harder at my skin, small flecks of blood turning the sink water red.

Suddenly, my door opened.

"I'm ready for my s'getties!" Negan boomed with a wide smile. My head whipped around, looking at him with wide eyes. His grin faded and he crossed the room in record time, grabbing my wrists and turning the sink off. "Is this fucking blood?" He snarled, bringing my hands up to my face. I clenched my jaw and dropped my eyes to my feet. "Jesus, who's is it? Answer me!"

"I-I heard someone screaming on the way home," I said quietly, eyes still downcast "I thought I would help..." His jaw went slack and he let go of my hands, running his fingers through his hair.

"Jesus fuck, you can't just go around killing people!"

"Why not?" I snapped, eyes meeting his "You do it all the time? What's the difference? Why can't I help people?"

"Because it...Because you just can't!" Negan growled, shaking his head.

"Why are you so special?" I hissed back, drying my hands off on a towel before tossing it at him "It's not like you can get a permit for fucking murder. Why do you do it, anyways? Is it some perverted thing? Do you get off on saving people from attackers?"

"Watch yourself." Negan warned, eyes darkening.

"Pfft, or what?" I laughed, tossing my head back "What are you gonna do, kill me? I'm not afraid of you, Negan." As soon as the words left my mouth, he charged me. His hand flew to my throat, squeezing my airway lightly. His hips pressed me against the counter. I let out a small gasp when he shoved his face next to mine.

"Oh, but doll, you really fucking should be." He spat, curling his lip "I could snap your neck right here, right now." He gave a small squeeze to emphasize his words. I let out a strangled moan. We both froze. "Are you turned on right now?" He muttered, furrowing his brow. I licked my lips and squirmed in his grip, pressing my thighs together slightly in an effort to alleviate the warm pressure growing in my belly.

"No," I lied, voice weak. A sinister grin curled over the bottom half of his face and he licked his tongue over his teeth.

"And I'm the perv, huh?" He sucked on my earlobe and peppered kisses down my jawline "Sweetheart, tell me, do you want me to fuck that pretty little pussy of yours? Do you want me to make you cum harder than you ever have?" I whimpered at his dirty mouth. "Use your words, doll, or I'll leave right fucking now."

"Y-Yes!" I breathed as Negan's lips sucked on the sweet spot right beneath my ear.

"Yes, what, princess?"

"Yes, I want you to fuck me, please!" I groaned, clawing at his shirt. He let out a short chuckle, muttering something about how needy I was, but I didn't care. Right now, the only thought running through my head was that I needed Negan. I needed all of him. And damn me if I wasn't going to get it.

We clawed at each other's clothes like rabid animals. Once we were completely bare, Negan moved his kisses down my body. His large, calloused hands kneaded my breasts, twisting my nipples between his thumbs. My arms flew around his neck and I dragged my fingernails up his back. He shivered against my touch and slid his hands further down my body. They settled firmly on my hips as he captured my lips in a fervent kiss.

"Fuck, sweetheart," he grunted, pulling back for air. I looked at him. His tawny eyes were now black, pupils far beyond dilated with lust. Both of our lips were swollen and red from the intensity of our kisses. Negan's chest inflated and deflated quickly as his eyes roamed over my body. "You're so damn perfect." I smiled sheepishly and pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, looking up at him through lidded eyes.

"You're not so bad yourself," I reached out my hand and used my pointer finger to draw a line from his collar bone down the center of his chest and through his navel, finally ending right over his pulsing cock. He sucked in a breath as my fingers closed around him. My thumb swept over the hot tip, gathering precum on the pad of my finger and rubbing it around.

"Shit," He hissed as I slowly pumped him "I'm not gonna fucking last if you keep doing that." He gently pried my hand away and took a step closer to me. I could feel his hardened length resting against the inside of my thigh. The thought of him being so close made a burst of heat rush down between my thighs. Negan took a long finger and ran it through my folds, collecting my wetness. I moaned as he teasingly dipped the first knuckle into me. He pulled back and let out a low whistle. "Damn, girl," he chuckled, raising his finger to my face "You're fucking dripping. Who's that for?" His slick-coated fingers glistened in the light of my apartment. I let out a deep groan as he slid them between his lips and sucked.

"You, Negan!" I whimpered, wrapping my legs around his waist "It's all for you." A wolfish grin spread over his features as he tugged me off him and pulled me down off the counter. He spun me around and pressed gently between my shoulder blades until my chest was flat against the cold surface.

"Then if you don't mind," Negan cooed, lining himself up with my entrance "I'm going to take what belongs to me." With that, he slowly pushed into me. I gasped at the stretch, balling my hands into fists as he continued to split me open.

"Fucking shit," he groaned once he bottomed out "you're tight as hell. I bet you've never had a dick as big as mine." He pulled out slightly and I let out a moan at the growing emptiness inside. The moan soon turned to a yelp when he brought down his hand against my ass. The smack was loud and he rubbed the red spot tenderly. "Have you?"

"N-No!" I gasped when he thrusted into me for the first time "Never. Fuck, you feel so good." Negan's thrusts sped up, his hips snapping against my ass in an obscene rhythm. Grunts and moans of pleasure slipped from both of our lips as he plowed unapologetically into me. I could feel every inch of him. He was hitting every spot, dragging against my walls in a sinfully perfect way.

"You're doing so good," He purred, kissing and biting my shoulder "So good for me. You're so perfect." I tossed my head back and he grabbed my chin, tilting my face towards him so he could give me another bruising kiss. I could only keep up for so long, though, and the white bliss of pleasure he was giving me soon became overwhelming. My jaw went slack and my head dropped against the cool tile of the counter in an attempt to ground myself in the moment. "I want you to cum, doll, cum around me. Wanna feel those walls squeeze me." His thrusts were starting to become sloppy and I could tell he was getting to his end. One of his fingers danced down my spine and found its way to my clit. He circled it with just enough pressure to get me to the edge that I was so willing to jump off. "Now." Negan growled. I obeyed, feeling the band in my lower abdomen snapping violently. We reached our releases simultaneously. My walls clenched around him, milking him of every drop. I screwed my eyes shut and screamed his name, holding in a large breath as the world around me spun. Negan eventually pulled himself out and collapsed on top of me. We both were breathing heavily, sweaty bodies entangled as well as we could over a counter. I swallowed, my throat dry from panting through my orgasm. When my eyes fluttered open, I could see Negan's thumb tracing circles over the love bites that were starting to darken on my shoulders.

"Are you going to kill me?" I rasped, running a hand through my wild hair "I guess I'm a bad person now." Negan chuckled, still out of breath.

"I think I'll make an exception," He mused, pressing a sweet kiss to the shell of my ear "I don't think I'm ready to let you go just yet."

#negan x reader #negan x y/n #negan smut #negan x you #negan smith #au!negan #the walking dead #twd smut #twd negan

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