#im just spectacularly bad at finishing things

[dontwanderoff]

finally finished reading ten steps to nanette by hannah gadsby and it's left me 👁👁

[abombihoney]

my thoughts as I read the new (6 months old) chapter of ethnoentomology bc i said would live blog it and this is least annoying way i can do so.

Hornet really just fucking pulled a gun out im like 1 minute fucking in jesus girl.

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ooooooooh my fucking god he's literally a sopping wet little meow meow. i WILL be coming back 2 this.

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what this fucking pronoun fuckery i need to reread this shit im onto something. i need to add all my annotations together. i need a conspiracy board. i need to make a chart with color coded lines

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I wish Hallownest’s official language was anything other than “cryptic riddles.”

me too dude the fuck.

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CHANCE BEING EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT???? telling lurien he isn't at fault for the radiance's actions

however... how could he think anything else really. he is all for blaming the radiance for everything.

i'm feeling a delicious mix of "can i even trust my own thoughts" mixed with Chance trying to separate what was him versus what was other.

What happens when (if) he manages to separate what actions were wholly him with no outside influence? What will he regret? What will he desperately try to justify?

How would he even determine what is him and what is the influence of the radiance? He has no memory of past actions to compare against. He can't necessarily even trust the memories he does have, they're full of hallucinations, gaps in memory where he doesn't know what he did. If it was "him" that did it. AAAAAAAAAAAUGH

___

is chance checking out of reality a lot rn or am i looking too deep. there seems to be a lot of "jump cuts"

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back 2 valleri. info dump for me lurien i only read a handful of chapters of midnight rider.

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 "I couldn’t tell you how many times she would’ve been jailed or worse"

wait wasnt she jailed tho. didnt she like. immediately punch pk in the face or am i misremembering. does lurien not know this. i feel like he should be told this information somehow bc like. i feel like it would give him a heart attack.

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VALLERI LEFT SOMETHING FOR CHANCE???? THE PLOT THICKENS HELLO???

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why is chance so gay he is SO focused on lurien all the time jesus christ man. i feel like i keep getting trapped in one of them slow burn fics where they keep almost kissing.

FUCKIGN 2 SECONDS LATER:

Having grabbed something from a small drawer in the table behind Chance, Lurien settled back, (disappointingly) further away from him.

chance ur down bad. this is going to blow up in his face spectacularly somehow. good 2 know i wasnt imagining the horny descriptions of lurien from last chapt.

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new theory: valleri is a time-traveling post-transition chance. source: my other theory that valleri and chance are closely related. similar temperament and appearance. both from california or w/e.

wait i think i remember valleri have future seeing powers. i refuse to finish reading midnight rider until ethno is done tho so i'm keeping my theory

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Chance reflexively rejected this information before he could begin processing its implications.

side effects of having magic powered by belief: may decide to just ignore things bc if u believe it you make it true. denial is a powerful drug

wait. hmmmmm.

did the radiance take chance's memories? or did chance want to forget? like could also totes be the cool magical barrier that wipes ur memories to prevent the radiance from escaping the corpse of hallownest. but now i am thinking of all the fucked up implications of something so horrible (by a teenagers standards) that chance wanted to forget everything.

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TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSK MY BABY TUSK POV TUSK POV TUSK POV

oh no the baby is injured.

They needed to find Chance. He would heal them, like always—

ur honor they love each so much!!!!!!!!! might be becoming a lil codependent but ITS FINE

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checks out that hornet was a vicious little child lmao

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“For Hallownest, there is no cost too great. That is what I told Him.”

OH SHIT

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oh fuck yeah i fucking love use of game mechanics in stories for problem solving. go little guy go!

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HEY WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

Like life’s just a script and she’s waiting for her cue.

OH? paralleling what lurien said about PK. INTRIGUING.

(fucked up evil theory: The parallels between PK and Valleri that are being drawn here... from what I understand Valleri became INCREDIBLY close and attached to hallownest. What if Chance is Valleri's hollow knight?)

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The White Palace was destroyed. But so was the Watcher’s Spire, and Chance could put that back.

my sweet child, you are going to fucking kill chance

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Too cowardly to confront her own cowardice.

ruh roh raggy. hornet's going to have to contend with the fact that she has killed her own siblings in cold blood eventually. possibly soon

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fuck yeah i love worldbuilding. tell me more about how the fictional bug city built in a wet cave functioned and how the class divide determined transportation methods.

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*slaps chance* this baby can fit so much PTSD in it

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this is spelling euphoria isn't it.

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hey wait doesn't chance have boat trauma??? didn't he see a corpse under a boat in the last chapter of act 1???

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something bad is going to happen. we're building so much suspense.

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"Chance"

??????? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON NOW???????

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 draped half overboard like a dirty wet rag

chance's natural state really.

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something in their Void was churning

This happens directly after Chance has his little episode with the boat. Are Chance and Tusk connected by the void? Didn't something similar happen in the last chapter??

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Hornet i love u. She's so spiderman coded.

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—Tusk whacked the switch to the elevator and went up and away. “Wh—Vessel! Hold on!”

see u idiot

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Ah Lemm, the confidence of a man who is very very wrong. he'd shit his pants if he saw all the human shit in the junkyard lmao.

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Several photos were attached to the line and dangled from ceiling to floor. Dozens of lines around the room like party streamers, a hundred little memories swaying gently in the dust.

megamind ass organization system

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burned painting frame.... coating the room in ash.. im sure this holds no significance whatsoever and won't come up again.

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Tusk has so much youngest sibling energy lmao

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uh oh hornet. ur getting attached.

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this is to hornet also, isnt it?

WAHT THE FUCK

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oh okay they are connected. poor tusk and chance. they r gonna become a feedback loop up fucked up huh

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wait does chance not know shes the princess. lmao

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aww hug fest JEREMY REAL??? or is hornet infected too hello????

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IM GOING FERAL VALLERIS SEEING SO MANY THINGS AT ONCE AND REACTING TO ALL OF THEM HELLO?????

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oh my god i feel like ive been punched seventeen times in a row. i have so much hype i need to run a marathon. im fucking spinning in circles im filled with unrestrained summer fun oh my god im supposed to sleep soon i dont know if i can manage stop thinking long enough to do that holy shit

[in-ky]

An Old Scent [5] - Negan x Reader (A/B/O AU)

Summary: During summer break, you decide to come back home to visit your dad, Rick. Over the course of your stay, you realize that your dad's friend is pretty hot.

Warnings: soft smut. probably poorly written. body insecurity. swearing. ~breeding~

A/N: GODS IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!! I'm not even going to lie i completely forgot about this with all the work i have lmao. i'm so sorry if this is awful

The reveal actually wasn't as bad as I was expecting. When Negan and I sat Rick down at the dinner table two days after we first bonded, the first emotion on his face was surprised confusion. He had no idea that his daughter was getting her back blown out by the guy who he called his friend. After careful explaining, and a not-so-subtle threat by Rick, everything was fine. I went back to Colorado the next week and everything was great. Until the symptoms i was dreading began to consume my body. One positive pregnancy test later and Negan was on the first flight out to my school. His work was surprisingly understanding. Negan and I spent the year finding an apartment, preparing for the arrival of our first kid (likely of many), and trying to figure out a schedule that would allow me to rest as well as finish my final year. Somehow, it all worked out.

~~~

I stood in the bathroom, locking eyes with myself in the mirror. I tried to remember the last time I didn't have deep purple bags under my eyes. Finals week was sucking the soul out of me. I hadn't showered in days, let alone get enough sleep. I closed my eyes and rubbed my face as Negan walked in.

"The boys are down." He hummed, wrapping his arms around my midsection and burying his face into the crook of my neck. "Benji kept biting Austin's toes, but stopped after he got kicked in the face. Took a bit to calm him, but they're sleepin' like logs now." I snorted with amusement. Twins were the last thing we were expecting when we found out we were expecting. Negan had promised to take care of me and whatever pups we had; and he had been keeping his promise spectacularly. "Baby," he asked. I grunted in response. "I love you, so much, but you really stink." I rested my head back on his shoulder. "I thought you liked the way I smelled." I smiled. "I do, when you're all hot and bothered for me. But after a week, you start to smell a bit too ripe." "I'm sorry." I sighed, turning to face him. I put my hands on his cheeks. He closed his eyes and melted into my touch. "I'm too exhausted to do anything." "Let me help you." He proposed quietly "I'll do all the work, you just gotta stand there and look pretty."

After stepping into the shower, I instinctively covered my chest and crossed my legs. "None of that." Negan scolded gently, moving my arms with his large hands. "I know you've been struggling since the twins' birth." I subconsciously lowered my hands to my stomach. It was true. The stretch marks hadn't gone away. Neither had the extra pudge that came with carrying twins. "Listen to me, omega." Negan commanded, rubbing soap up and down my belly "I don't give a fuck what you think, but you are the most gorgeous woman I could ever ask for. You might see an ugly aftermath, but you're forgetting what those stretch marks represent." He lathered my chest and breasts with soap. "You carried my babies. Mine. Ours. That's what we did. I sure as hell could never have done that. All those mornings where I had to hold your hair back and the times where I lotioned you up so much that you could have slid along the ground. Those were shitty. But you did it. You are a fucking goddess. And I love you so much." He ended his speech by turning me around and giving me a peck on the forehead. As he massaged shampoo into my hair I ran over his words in my head. It sure as hell wasn't easy. But Austin and Benji were proof of our bond, our love, and I was so damn proud of it.

~~~

The night took a very different turn after the water shut off. Negan picked me up and set me on the counter, spreading my knees before standing between my legs. He pumped a glob of lotion into his palm and began to run his hands up my legs. Slowly. Carefully. All while maintaining eye contact with me. He began to kiss my neck. "I love this fucking body so damn much" Negan muttered, littering my chest with loving bites and licks. I could only groan at his words. His hands glided up to my hips, pinning me down to the cold marble counter top. I cupped his face in my hands and met his lips in a fiery kiss. His mouth moved to my cheek, down my neck, to my shoulder. I shuddered as he pulled away with a puff of air to my chest. Negan brought his hands up to my breasts. Gently. Reverently. Ogling them as if they might disappear when he blinked.

"You know why I love your body so much?" He hummed, kissing down my navel, stopping just before his mouth attached to the area I needed him the most.

I whined, both in annoyance and curiosity. He stood up straight. Somehow, I hadn't noticed that he had dropped his boxers to his feet. His cock stood tall, eager to enter my warm, wet cunt. He opened my legs wider and positioned himself right before my entrance. Negan leaned in close and licked the shell of my ear before whispering:

"Because I can pump it full of our babies."

With that, he thrusted into me, grunting with the force. I had to bite back a howl of ecstacy, biting into the shoulder of my mate. He growled into my neck, mouthing over the site of my bite. As his hips pistoned in and out of my core, he continued to mutter to me.

"I'm gonna breed you. Fuck, you're gonna be so round with my pups." I couldn't bring myself to answer, only clench around him. "Oh yea? You like that? I can feel the way you're squeezin' me. Tryin' to milk me of everything I've got?"

The head of his cock pushed against my walls, nudging against the spot that made my eyes roll into the back of my head. Only he could make me feel this way. And the bastard knew it. When I was able to compose myself for enough time to open my eyes, Negan wore the most self-satisfied smirk I had ever seen. He grabbed onto my hips and thrusted at a new, better angle. I could tell he was getting close, his pace beginning to become irregular.

"Shit, baby," he huffed, blinking a drop of sweat out of his eye "come with me. Come on me."

And I did. In a joint cry that could've been mistaken for pain if you were listening from the outside, we reached our delicious peaks together, reveling in the way we spasmed against each other. Negan held me in his arms, slowly moving in and out as he worked us through our highs. After my orgasm faded and I took a deep breath, my limbs began to feel heavy.

"Sorry I ruined shower time, I'm all dirty now." I laughed softly, stifling a yawn.

"What are you talking about?" Negan asked, tilting his head. He hoisted me up, carrying me bridal style and laying me gently on our bed. He kissed me on the forehead. "You've always been my dirty girl."

[creacherkeeper]

Sleepover Saturday! Top 5 of your own original blorbos?

THIS IS A V HARD QUESTION [sweats]

book blorbo:

dinara - shes a bitter, mean, middle aged jewish lesbian who was a Former Chosen One who kind of like. spectacularly failed at it and due to the repercussions of that was trapped for like 30 years in magical isolation until the new chosen one (the protag!) came and got tricked into breaking her curse. shes really fun for me to write because she simply has No Filter around the middle grade aged heroes and also has a ~Messy~ relationship with the protag's mentor whos her grandmother

npc blorbos:

hawk shook - okay calling myself out w this one but. simply spend so much time rotating hawk in my head. he is trying so so hard but is just Not Good at things. really wants nothing more than to protect and provide for his family and be a good big brother but he's so DumbTM and MessyTM. he's Smart but is also Stupid but is the kind of stupid that like. isn't from being not smart its from making bad choices due to desperation and self destruction and thats very fun for me <33 also his actual name is jason harris shook which i find very funny for no reason

sheriff lizzie - she <3333 lizzie is so fun for me because while she's very restrained and stoic 95% of the time its only because she can recognize her own Chronic Messy Bitch Disease and is constantly like. reign it in girl. and only succeeds some of the time. last game the players found out shes part shifter and has been hiding it due to Potential Scandal as well as that she's in love with our bard but hasn't done anything about it because the bard is married

pc blorbos:

erley ryzer - realizing how many of my fave blorbos are Messy And Bad At ExistingTM but. erley is simply such a fucked up lil guy cause their dad is a famous war criminal who raised them in a exile military cult and forced them to become a barbarian through abuse, then they got kidnapped by a goddess and put in magical isolation until they BrokeTM and got rehabilitated by her followers and then finally agreed to be her paladin but then we found out (erley did not <3) that the goddess only took them in the first place to fuck with their dad and not actually because she cared about them at all. theyre So Extremely Loyal but are simply not good at deciding who they should be loyal to so theyre kind of following people around like a sad little duckling occasionally pissing off the party by committing small war crimes they think are normal or healing enemies they consider family members. i think theyre FINALLY in a better place with the party but wooooo was this sad sad lil cowboi in the doghouse for such a long time. oh yeah theyre also a cowboy and talk with a southern accent to try and disguise their home country since. the country they live in just finished like a 100 year war with them. also theyre dyslexic! as a treat! so thats why their name is spelled like that lol

bo dawson - SAD BOY HOURS EXCLUSIVELY. bo is not MessyTM but he makes up for that in Extra SadTM because his mom blamed him for a crime she committed so he spent like 8 years in juvie as a kid and he's just big sad doe eyes all the time. he just got to re-meet his dad again for the first time since he was a toddler (who im. obsessed with. bubba dawson rights) and found out he has a foster sister whos the bio child of the middle aged librarian man he was hired to protect who's become a father figure to him, because @beatricexbenedick said its sad bi dad romance time and i simply havent been able to think about anything else since. bo is very fun for me because he does very big damage and literally doesnt use a weapon because he Just Punches That Good. which is hilarious but also Sad because his mom was a boxer and thats why he learned to fight <33 p much with bo its like if i cant make someone wail in anguish was it even a successful bo scene. he must simply be So So Sad

[tempoaryblogformightyjensblog]

After a Longass time, I'm gonna make a response post to a post from @itsclydebitches. Not sure if I'll acknowledge All

Of it, but still..

1.Thats, the opposite of what the First episode shows, the first episode shows that the Military presence in Mantle dosent really do anything to actually help them with the Grimm. With it even being joked about as usual for the Military by Nora. The next episode also states that wasn't even the reason James had for it. It was to handle the 'eventual' Panick.

2.This and the recurring point of this later on is something I kinda want to address, because it's sort of what I was trying to say in My ask but I should go into more detail.

The point is basically that If James was shady for what he did, then So is Ruby for being willing to work with him for that long...I kinda want to mix this with a different Criticism I heard. That Ruby not trusting Ironwood was horrible and ungrateful because of all the good stuff James had done and how sympathetic and well meaning he was. The issue is that they are both 2 halves of the picture that ignore the other half, wich was what the heroes actual response was.

Him being sympathetic, clearly just trying to help and all the Good stuff he was doing is why they are willing to work with him and help with things. But Ruby didn't like his shadier actions either, wich is why she didn't trust him completely. And also? ""Nora dosent agree...But Ruby, the leader, does. She pushed Ironwood to finish Amity somwhow", that....isnt What happens, we see After Nora yells at James, ruby walks up to him and tells him more calmly that his actions, his management of Mantle and such were only helping Salem and it's what was making it easy for Salem to frame him. And earlier on we saw her with the other protags suggest working with Robyn. That's not 'Reaping the benefits of his actions even if they don't like them', that's not liking some of his actions but still trying to Understand him, and hope to reason or talk him down. Basically...Well it's a display that the other charachterization for Ruby, that she was a judgmental child who considered anyone who went beyond her standard of perfection to be Evil, isn't true. She tries to help and Understand James because she knows despite his flaws he is trying to do good, she tries to reach out to him and get him to see his actions were flawed.

Hell, the Jobs they were actually given were jobs where they could actually help soften the consequences of James actions, like Ren and Nora guarding the wall. the Robyn thing was a direct display that they weren't just doing anything James asked or were perfectly fine with his morally ambiguous actions. When ordered to attack a Huntress who was just trying to help, they instead went against his orders and even tried to actually fix things in a better way.

3.This is a few different issues, I'll start by saying that, that wasn't Ozpins problem in the Previous Volume, Some fans and some of the Heroes in there Angrier times think that, But the big thing was basically that Ozpin wasn't trusting anyone With that Info, that's what separates it from Rubies situation with James, Ruby wasn't trusting James because he actually did have many traits that made him look untrustworthy. And...well Finishing Amity and the plan is not pointless even with Salems immorality. Ruby dosent 'Know' That her being immortal means that the whole plan is pointless for 2 reasons, 1 is that she never had the mindset that it made it all pointless, she was actually distinctly against that when the others thought that under the Apathies influence, and makes her stance clear later, that Salem being Unkillable doesn't mean she's unstoppable. And 2, she dosent 'Know' that because....Its not true. Even if they can't directly kill her like James is planning...Were explicitly, directly told in Salems first actual appearance in the show that Humanity United was a threat and that was why she was going to ensure she divided them. Not to mention that...It isn't even all about the plan? It's made clear that global communications being down was a really bad thing and fixing that alone would help.

4.Im just gonna address one point here...It was not 'The Majority of Mantle' Being taken, were told that they were not even close to being done evacuating.

5.Basically what I said at 2, But to also state, James wasn't an Unambiguous Bad guy in Volume 7, He was in the Wrong In Volume 7, but he wasn't meant to be a Villain yet. The point of James charachter is basically he's someone who meant well but was highly flawed and made bad decisions, and instead of growing from his mistakes, he doubled down on them and let his flaws consume him. I'll get to it more later, but, that doesn't mean he was always evil or meant to be, Also...Jaunes license was given to him by James but, he was not part of the Military being fused with Huntsman, especially by this point. And with Winters words in her and James fight, I have my own issues with that fight or Winters Arc, but I don't think that point holds up either because we weren't meant to see Winter as unambiguously a good guy in Volume 7. Her words in there fight was after she had changed, that dosent mean we're supposed to believe she was a hero while working under James. It just means her POV changed after leaving him, now she wasn't following her programming of being blindly obedient anymore. Penny called out Winter for her being willing to follow through with euthanizing the Winter Maiden, Marrow calls her out in Volume 8 asking the Weiss question.

6.Well, to answer the questions there, were told in episode 5 what the recources were. Clover says how they were taking 'Construction resources', were told this again by Penny in the Car ride, wich makes total sense. They are changing Amity so that it could serve as a shuttle, so needing Construction stuff makes sense. While we may not be told how much power James had explicitly, they do give us a decent idea, that he had way more then he should. It's said in the Council meeting that they set in Checks and balances to keep him from overstepping with his seats, and that he basically just Ignored them to pull the actions he did in Volume 7. And Watts gives us both one Major decision that shows James flaws and gives a Clue as to part of the reasons Mantle was crappy as it was, saying how James updated most of the code in Atlas after the fall of Beacon, but 'As Usual' None was updated in Mantle. Aside from showing a...Truly Spectacularly callous move on James part, it also gives a big clue as to part of the reason Mantle is as crappy as it is, That Atlas and James basically treat Mantle like an afterthought and neglects changing things there to make things better, resulting in the City's state that we see. And, I imagine that being surveillanced and patrolled almost constantly wouldn't be ideal, and it's established by Winters line in that first episode that not cooperating with Personal was a punishable offense. I think you also....Picked a really bad example with Rhodes, if anything, Rhodes is probably a perfect demonstration of why being complacent or loyal to a system is bad for Huntsmen. I think if he would have loved to help Cinder more, it's just that he was loyal to the System and wasn't doing anything to upset the status quo despite knowing it was wrong. If issues like that existed, then it makes James specialist program, wich is specifically supposed to be Huntsmen trained to be loyal to the system, an even worse idea. Also I sort of feel like the bits at the end are sort of a false equivalency. I explained Ozpin amd Rhodes but also...Well for one, while we don't see portals line up in those specific areas, the plan was to have Jaune explain what was going on with everyone. And Qrow, Marrow and Robyn were still taking in the other Ace ops,they knew the plan so they would likely just head over to the nearest portal after, and...Maria and Pietro weren't there. And in James case, it wasn't just him 'saving who he could', it's that he could have tried to do more but didn't because he didn't want to risk it, and as Volume 8 showed, they really did have lots of time to evacuate people and could have found a way to Launch Amity. And...Well in his case there's the little fact that, as his Convo with Oscar makes explicit, James plan involved leaving the rest of Mankind To the dust and at Salems mercy.

There are problems with RWBY, but I don't think it's shoddily written, partially because I don't really find it 'particularly' flawed and think the good far outweighs the bad. And you know what? To some degree, I agree. I do think there's a weird bias towards authority in the FNDM, but maybe alot of fans are too dismissive of criticism, I do think to some degree we should acknowledge the RWDE and such aren't all right wingers and there's now a Vocal part of it that are on the left or members of minority groups. I don't agree with a ton of the things they say, and think most of it dosent hold up, but instead of just dismissing, perhaps it's better to look at things in detail and give proper arguments agaisnt them. So I won't treat you like an idiot, I'm going to give a full rundown on why I don't feel like it holds up under analytical scrutiny.

For one, while it doesn't have those specific issues like in the real world, I don't agree with this Criticism because I feel it is the one that sort of ignores the worldbuilding and what's been shown or said about the Military and the world itself and not the show, It sort of feels like people just bring up the basic concepts that would seem reasonable and ignore how the show executes certain things. For one, the military was a leftover from a time when they were meant to fight against other humans, It was something an Authoritarian state held over after its defeat and reformation, James and the Military helped Jac as he turned the SDC into the horrific corporate empire it is, Covordin shows that Nationalism is indeed a bit thing and that there were high ranking officers who were fully comfortable with the possiblity of just waging war on the other Kingdoms again. And then there's the specialist program, I've seen people sort of distill it to its very basics to make it seem more reasonable, describing it as just stuff like Huntsmen having rules and such, when the show displays it being way more screwed up then that. It literally involves indoctrinating people as students, were shown Elm reprimand the protagonists saying how they don't need to think about Orders just follow them. As both Volumes show, the culture of the program is deeply screwed up and unhealthy for them, were shown how they taught stuff like repressing your emotions and how deeply unhealthy it is for them.

And...Furthermore? If we're judging by how things are In Universe with the show the world built...James way of doing things is, completely absurd. I already dislike Cynical 'This is the REAL world 'Types IRL. But....In the world James is in, his strategy is just....

He lives in a world where negativity causes monster attacks and the villains whole Shtick is manipulating narratives to cause disarray and ensuring people stay divided. James strategy involved closing off Atlas from the rest of Remnant after they were framed for causing the Fall of Beacon, never bothering to clear there name when sleet and Camilla say he could easily do so, he dismisses both his image across the Globe and in Atlas, and dismisses what the people of Mantle want and the stuff his actions currently cause, all as Neccesary sacrifices when that's all completely insane and Relies on basically ignoring absolutely everything about the situation they are in and how there enemy works, wich again, Ruby points out, that he was actively playing into Salems hands and making it easier for her.

I think it's a decent display of the Tunnel Vision James has, he's prepared for the negativity of the END result of his plan and made preparations for it, but he...Basically ignores the consequences his actions are having right now and how that will affect his ends.

Overall...I think the issue is that James is not meant to be the Bad guy through Volume 7, and I feel like its not that the show 'contradicts' it's pure black and white take on things, it's just that it wasn't there to begin with. Whenever a Major flaw Ironwood had from the start is brought up, it's claimed that it means he was supposed to be 'Always evil'(admitedly some fans as well), when it dosent, it just means his flaws and darker aspects were always there and he didn't jump off the slippery slope instantly like some claim.

Were meant to sympathize with James, understand him, ECT. We're meant to want to see him get better, to be escatic when he does almost get better.

Overall, I don't agree with the idea that James was a reasonable charachter who was bastardized, the show set him up as flawed pretty well already, he's sympathetic because he's designed to be sympathetic. He's not potrayed as a Villain through 7 because he wasn't meant to be til the end.

Also...Well, even if you still felt that him 'Just' abandoning Mantle was still just morally gray...That isn't dropped in V8, it's bascially dropped not 2 episodes later. Where not only does he shoot Oscar but Oscar pointed out not only was he abandoning Mantle, but abandoning the rest of Mankind. Wich James just responds calling it an 'excellant philosophical point'.

[serowotonin]

Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink

Can I please very pretty please have prompt number 19(YOU MURDERED MY SNOWMAN) with Daichi 🥺 but like me being obnoxious??? Like very sad because the snowman was pretty and dressed up all nice and then Daichi scared me or something and I knocked it over

Thank youhuuu

🥰🥰 Eli!

𝟏𝟗. “𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐦𝐚𝐧” + sawamura daichi

it was a fine winter day like the ones before it when you and your boyfriend daichi went out to the park. you being you wanted to play in the snow, before spring comes and melts all the snow away. and of course, snow-related activities were not to be carried out alone. which is why you dragged daichi out with you. 

the first thing you did when you entered the park was throw a snowball at daichi’s head. this led to a pretty intense snowball fight that ended up with the two of you down in the snow. 

“hey daichi,” you said, still lying on the snow facing the sky. “do you wanna build a snowman~?”

hearing that he let out a sigh and a small chuckle. 

“it’s ok y/n you go ahead first. i think i’m still bruising from all the snowballs you threw at me earlier,” he joked.

you gave him a playful punch and got up, brushing snow off your legs. it was time to make a snowman. 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

maybe you were feeling bored today or maybe being out in the snow gave you some sort of energy but your snowman was looking spectacularly dashing. it came complete with a shiny top hat and fresh carrot nose you had brought with you in anticipation of this. you were just adding the finishing touches. adjusting the hat, tweaking the arms, making sure the nose and eyes don’t fall when suddenly you heard a ‘boo’ from right behind you. 

you jumped but slipped on some snow and ended up falling on the snowman. looking up you saw none other than your boyfriend’s sheepish face and his hand offered towards you.

you blinked in slight disbelief. you did NOT just fall on the snowman you spent the last 20 minutes making. but there you were, in an undeniably huge pile of snow with a top hat, carrot, coal, and some branches sticking out of it. there was no denying it… your snowman was dead. 

taking a deep breath, you brushed daichi’s hand aside and stood up. slowly, you turned to the pile of snow you rose from.

“y/n-”

“you murdered my snowman,” you said, voice cracking slightly. 

“umm i- im sorry…”

you said nothing but just knelt down and took the top hat from out of the snow. you brushed off any snow on it and carefully placed it over the snow pile. 

“rest in peace mr. snowman.”

with small tears in the corners of your eyes, you turned to mr. snowman’s murderer. you could see the guilt practically flowing out of him. he kept apologizing but you didn’t seem to hear them. you looked away as a small tear rolled down your cheek when you felt two arms wrap around you.

“i’m sorry y/n, i really am. why don’t we make another snowman? how does that sound?” he whispered from behind you.

“another snowman isn’t my mr. snowman,” you whispered back as tears continued to slowly roll down your cheeks. “daichi don’t you get it, you murdered my snowman.”

a/n: eeeelllliiiii !! wrote this on little sleep and allergy meds hope you enjoy😀 also i feel so bad for daichi💀💀 pls forgive him skdnskd

christmas crackfic prompt event

prompt list

[cassyapper]

loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

[sapphicambitions]

hey! hey! why do you hate the television format??

Ah yes, thank you for reminding me

I would like to state for the record before we begin that this is my personal reasons for not enjoying the format of television and not “why television is bad'' because im sure there's many people whose reasoning for liking TV is the same as my reasons for disliking them. please dont get mad at me if you disagree lmao

I feel like the short answer could be: “I have a degree in theatre and i prefer books” 

But really i hate the fact that the story is subject to change via outside forces.

In a well written play or book, there is a beginning, middle and end. It is a complete story that has been well thought out and woven together. Every detail is important and makes sense dramaturgically. You have your characters and your plot and nothing about that changes. We’re taught in Theatre School (TM) that the playwright is the first artist, and everything goes back to the playwright’s words. The story cannot change because of outside forces and it will not change over time. Once a book has been published, it is done. And yeah in theatre, a play can be done by many people with multiple interpretations of the story but it always goes back to the playwright’s words as they are the first artist and it is about honoring those words. Yada yada. you get it.

TV is always subject to change. Actors leave because there was drama on set or because they have other projects to work on. Writers change and the tone of the show changes. Or they go to a different network and the show changes. You never know how long the show is actually going to go so it could be cancelled in the middle of an important plot they never got to wrap up or the show could extend past the original plot idea and the seasons get more and more ridiculous as they’re just trying to come up with shit to do so they can keep the show running.

Like supernatural, which went on for far too fucking long and just kept spitting out nonsense when they could have wrapped up in season five.

Like the Vampire Diaries, where the main fucking character Elena Gilbert left the show (which was ridiculous!!) or when her little brother Jeremy was just like written out of the show and then never talked about again like what the hell

Like Timeless, which got cancelled after two seasons and left so many loose ends (they had to like, beg for a movie to wrap everything up) 

Like the Magicians, which just, like, sigh. Y’all know. I don’t want to get into it. Y’all know. 

Hell, even Parks and Rec, with Ann and Chris leaving the show. If Parks and Rec had been a book Ann would have never left!!! Never!!! 

Characters get pregnant because the actors who play them get pregnant and suddenly THAT’s the plot line of the season. (Wynonna Earp, Brooklyn 99, The Office, How I Met Your Mother, Sex and The City, Bones, Friends, The Big Bang Theory, Once Upon A Time, Charmed, The Vampire Diaries, Parks and Rec, Grey’s Anatomy, The X-Files, Yes I Looked Up This List To Prove My Point)

If an actor breaks their foot then the writers have to change the plot. Everything about the story is subject to change due to outside forces and that might be a selling point for some people but i do not vibe with it!! 

And also, you’re watching the story unfold over the course of time and something could change halfway through the season and they abandon the really cool plot they were working on to suddenly set up a way for them to kill off the main character of the show. (okay apparently i do want to get into it with the magicians).

Like call me a snob but i like a concise arch! Something that the show is working towards, the story that they’re telling and the thesis of the show, and the end goal they’re working towards. I just honestly don’t like the “stories wrap up in one season and will we get another? Maybe? Okay yes we will so let’s come up with a new big bad for the characters to fight who’s got ideas” or like if you get seven seasons into a show and they’re like “And here’s my long lost sister that ive literally never mentioned before but we needed something exciting for the plot so here she is!” like i hate that shit. I know my old roommate loooooved when TV shows pulled twists like that so im not saying it’s bad writing im saying I personally hate this style of writing. 

I just keep throwing in these disclaimers so no one gets pissy at me lmao 

I think what caused me to realize and put a name to these feelings was watching the Schitt’s Creek Finale. I love Schitt’s Creek because it feels like one concise story. The characters all grow and develop and have an arch and at the natural conclusion of that arch, the story wrapped up. I loved that shit. It was a game changer for me. Any other show would have kept going and the tone of the show would have been totally different and frankly im glad they wrapped it up when they did and as they did. It was a perfect ending. 

I haven’t really watched the Good Place but I’m told similar things about it. 

Avatar the Last Airbender which we can all agree is the greatest show ever written had a clear plotline throughout the whole series and a goal they were working towards even if they did have side plots, it was all building up to one endgame. And it was stellar. 

I also recently rewatched parks and rec which is one of my favorite shows of all time and i do truly love it but like the whole point of the show originally was that they were gonna build a park and there were times in the show that they just totally forgot about that goal to work on other storylines until they were like ANN’S LEAVING WE GOTTA BREAK GROUND. That’s annoying! And once parks and rec started getting really popular and making more money they were able to be like “let’s send them to england! France! DC! Scotland! San Francisco! Let’s bring in Michelle Obama and Joe Biden and John McCain and Madeleine Albright! Which like all of that was really cool and some of the best parts of the series but also just another example of how the show changed over time as they got more name recognition and money. 

Also lmao i just had the thought that it doesn't really matter what community did because the point of that show was to be batshit and they succeeded spectacularly. What a good time. Just had to add that in there. 

So yeah that’s why i hate the television format because everything is subject to change from the plot to the tone to the writing to the characters and a lot of times there isn’t a clear narrative arch as they’re just coming up with nonsense to keep the show going and i just don’t vibe with that. 

So if i hate the television format why do i still watch it, you ask? You never shut about tv shows on your blog and yet here you are declaring that you hate them. What’s up with that. Well, the answer is simple. I have major FOMO. Also lmao quite honestly i just recently came to these conclusions and put words to these feelings during the quarantine so after 23 years of being pissy at tv shows all the time i honestly probably will watch less of it. I probably wont stop completely tho. Ive already said that im not gonna watch tv shows with queer characters until the show is over and its been confirmed for me that the show treats its queer characters and viewers with respect and dignity and i stand by that. (It’s the only reason why ive started to watch black sails.) im for sure never watching another cw show again. I have literally never finished a CW show because something has happened in it halfway through that pissed me off so much i never finished the series

So that’s my opinion does anyone also feel the same way? I feel like im crazy

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (15)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.2k (this chapter), 49.6k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"So," Phil starts, and then pauses. He has no real idea how to say this.

His parents wait patiently for him to gather his thoughts and his mum mutes the telly. Having their undivided attention doesn't really help, it just makes Phil sweat a bit. He can't even bring himself to sit down, too wired with anxious energy as he is.

The video has only been live for a day, but it's already one of Phil's most popular. People are clamoring in the comments for more; demands for proof and simple curiosity about what could explain his experiences. He's already had a call from Martyn about the benefits of going back and doing an update, but PJ and Sophie have put their two cents in as 'absolutely not'. Chris offered a don't care and then asked for Phil's mum's lasagna recipe.

Phil wants to stay. It's not so much about the mystery, for him, but he's pretty sure his friends and maybe even his brother already know that. He's got his own reasons for not buying a train ticket the moment the video went live and asking his divisive audience what they wanted him to do. Yeah, he'd been sort of hoping for this outcome.

He's not sure if he wants to stay for himself, for the stagnation that being here allows him, or if he wants to stay for deep dimples and a nice laugh. Probably a bit of column A and a bit of column B, if he's honest with himself.

"I uploaded the video on this case," Phil tells his parents. "And there were a lot of, um, unanswered questions. Because of that whole thing with the footage."

"Phil," his dad says, exasperation in his voice already.

"And that means more money from one case," Phil presses on, "because I don't have many expenses here and the ad revenue was really good in comparison to my last five videos. Martyn really thinks I should look into this some more. I promise I won't be here for months or anything, I just - just give me another week. Please, I just need a week."

Money talk usually gets his parents to back down a bit, but they exchange a long look between them that convinces Phil it isn't going to work this time. His mind is already whirring quickly, trying to settle on arguments that it thinks might win him this battle. He considers telling them that this is more than just a video to him, that his whole future feels like it's resting on this one mystery, but he has a suspicion that they wouldn't be very impressed with that lack of foresight. He's ready to bring out specific numbers when their silent communication breaks and his mum gives him a small smile.

"Phil," she says, echoing his dad with a bit more warmth and a lot more pity. "You know we need to talk about this, dear, why don't you sit down?"

He shakes his head and shoves his hands into his hoodie pockets so they don't see the trembling. He's not scared, he's just anxious, and his brain and body are conspiring to make him feel like he's going to die if something unexpected happens.

Phil doesn't like change. He doesn't like seeing his childhood house like this, he doesn't like having his career up in the air, and he doesn't like the way his parents no longer trust him to do what's best for himself. The worst part is that he's not even sure they're wrong - Phil knows he isn't thinking logically right now, that Martyn is the one who even mentioned ad revenue while Phil was busy wondering how best to prove himself.

"I'm good," says Phil. He hopes that the nerves aren't as palpable as they feel to him.

"Okay, well," his mum says, briskly rearranging things on the coffee table like she has to be doing something with her hands while they talk about this. He's reminded a bit of Dan in the coffee shop, of Chris in the attic, and he wonders what it is about him that makes people need to split their focus like that. "Your dad and I have been talking."

"About how I need to grow up?" Phil offers, heart in his throat. It feels like he might laugh or cry at any moment. "Yeah. I've noticed."

"We're retiring, Phil," his dad says. That's not exactly news to Phil - he knows why they're selling the house, after all - but he bites his tongue and lets his dad speak. "We've understood the... unstable nature of your work for several years now, but we can't keep bailing you out whenever you have a bad month. You're a smart man and you've got a good degree, you should have something steadier under your belt."

"We love how creative you are," Phil's mum chimes in. It almost sounds like they've practiced this. Phil bites down harder. "And if you can channel that creativity in a way that isn't so dangerous, you'll have our full support."

Phil kind of wishes that he already had their full support, but he's already had this conversation with himself. The work isn't fun for him anymore, and the risk of getting arrested for trespassing isn't a low one. It's almost not worth it when he doesn't have that full-blown excitement about a case.

He doesn't need every haunt to have a nice ending wrapped up with a bow, but he does need to like the content he's producing. Otherwise there isn't any point to it.

Still. It sucks to hear.

Phil deflates a little bit. His automatic defensiveness that springs up whenever his parents start questioning his many bad decisions in life is fading to something that feels like bone-deep exhaustion. The anxiety is still there, thrumming under his skin, but there's nothing he can really do about that. The truth is that he's been feeling listless and defeated and trapped for a lot longer than he's been back in his parents' house. There's no real point in pretending otherwise.

"Give me a week," he repeats, quiet. "I want to finish this project either way, y'know? Just let me stay for the rest of this week and - and if it doesn't pan out, if I don't find anything new, then... then I'm done. I'll stop. I'll find something else."

"Are you sure, sweetheart?" his mum asks. The relief that pulls at her shoulders and her pursed lips is enough for Phil to be sure.

"Yeah," says Phil. He gives them a little shrug. "I'm comfortable with what I'm doing. I like making videos and exploring places with cool stories, and even talking to people has been getting better. But you're... you've got a point. I can't keep doing this forever. Not at the pace and quality I like to maintain. If this video goes well, it might help me break into a more diverse and less dangerous niche, which would make everyone happy, I think."

His dad nods at him. "Okay. You can stay until Sunday, because that's when we're going to the Isle. You can do whatever editing and post-production stuff you need to when you get back to Brighton. We'll expect a call when you know for sure what you're going to do, Phil."

Phil swallows, clenches his fists tighter in his pockets. "You'll be the first to know."

--

Nobody asks Phil to leave, but he can't stay in the aggressively neutral version of his parents' house and field their 'casual' questions about what sort of things he might want to do if YouTube doesn't work. He escapes to the city again, sending a message to Dan on the bus. Instead of asking if they want to hang out with him, he simply asks where he can meet them today. As if it's a given that they're going to be spending time together.

Maybe that's presumptuous of him, but Dan uses an exclamation mark when they reply, im at home!, so Phil thinks it's probably fine.

Dan meets him at the door this time, mid-ramble about the broken dishwasher in their flat as if social niceties are no longer expected of them. That suits Phil. He grins back at Dan and joins them in the small but tidy galley kitchen, letting Dan talk his ear off while they scrub at some discoloured Tupperware.

"Sorry," Dan interrupts themself, turning big and apologetic eyes on Phil like they've just registered that he's standing there. "I'm having a weird brain day. Bit all over the place, you know."

"That's fine," Phil says honestly. He smiles, because Dan doesn't look all that convinced by it. "No, really, I don't mind. I like listening to you talk."

The blush spreads across Dan's face too quickly for them to hide by turning away. They try, anyway, and Phil is left looking at their face in profile, turned down and rosy as it is. "Normally I at least break for breath. What's new with you?"

"Since two days ago?" Phil teases. Dan's dimple makes an appearance right before the smile splits their face, and Phil has to twist his own fingers together so he doesn't reach out and poke at it. He's still working through some stuff, still doesn't want to make any decisions about this without thinking it over carefully, but he's never been good at resisting temptation either. "Uh, not much. My parents are still on my case. I'm getting good feedback on the video, but you probably know that already."

"It was a good video," says Dan. They pause as they dry their big hands on an old tea towel. "I... appreciate you saying that stuff about me."

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true."

Dan meets his eyes again, almost stubbornly ignoring the colour in their own cheeks. "I can appreciate things that you think are true, dingus. Take the gratitude already."

Phil grins. "Never."

--

There are snacks after that and some video games that Phil loses spectacularly and some good ferret snuggles. As the afternoon turns to evening, Phil watches Dan rearrange some titles on the bookshelf as they chatter about one of their science-y classes, no longer self conscious about how much they're talking. He's sitting on Dan's soft, unmade bed with Pixel, who keeps rolling around in the sheets like she's trying to get comfortable.

Phil is already comfortable. It's hard for him to ignore that Dan's bedroom feels so much like a safe haven in the way that his old house no longer does.

At some point Dan gives up on whatever system they were trying to implement. They pick Tofu up off the floor and flop onto the bed with Phil, wiggling around in almost the exact same way Pixel had. Phil presses his lips together tightly so he doesn't laugh.

"I think that things can be improved," Dan is saying, and Phil tries to figure out if they're still talking about the environment or if Dan has picked up the loose thread from their earlier rant about Bethesda. Pixel and Tofu are both running around like Dan and Phil are just bony jungle gyms, and Dan barely even stutters when one of them steps on their nose. "Of course they can be improved, it's not something you just give up on when things get tough, but the problem is that the people in charge have to implement the changes that are necessary for improvement, and - ow, that's my ear, don't bite that - and, uh... where was I?"

"You were telling me about climate change," says Phil. "Or potentially Todd Howard's ambivalence towards a quote-unquote 'perfect game'. I honestly lost track."

For a moment, Dan is quiet. Phil's anxiety rears its head for the first time since he got here, but luckily he hasn't stuck his foot in his mouth this time - Dan starts laughing, more or less cackling, and they roll closer to Phil to bury their face in a pillow.

Phil grins and reaches out to tug at one of Dan's curls, fascinated by the way it just springs back into place. He's done this to PJ once or twice or six times, but he's usually had a couple drinks before he resorts to it. Dan comes out of hiding with tears of laughter welling up in their pretty brown eyes and their dimples in full force, grinning up at Phil like he's the funniest person in the world.

"Those are both really important issues," Dan says, trying their best to sound deadpan when they're so obviously gleeful.

They wiggle around again and Phil says, "You look exactly like Pixel when you do that."

He's pretty sure that Dan honks at that, but he's immediately distracted by a ferret trying to bite his eyebrow.

This is good. Phil likes this. He's trying to dig himself out of the mindset that he'd backed himself into when he first started noticing Dan, because PJ might have had a point. Okay, so PJ definitely had a point, and Phil has been a bit of an idiot.

He won't know for sure how Dan feels about him being gay and uncompromising about that fact unless he asks, and he doesn't think he's ready to do that just yet. But there's a rainbow flag on Dan's wall and they don't consider themselves not not a guy, so... Phil thinks that maybe he's been assigning a strictness to Dan's own relationship to gender and sexuality that isn't actually there.

Dan is talking again, to their ferrets this time, and Phil is almost overwhelmed by the force of affection that washes over him now that he isn't trying so hard to hold it back. Dan's leg is pressed against his own and they're holding Pixel up like they're playing airplane with her and Phil likes them so goddamn much.

"Did you want to," Phil starts, interrupting Dan's musing about what goes on in a ferret's tiny brain. Dan looks up at him with such genuine happiness on their face that Phil's words stick in his throat. He should be asking if Dan wants to go out for dinner again or if they've seen whatever blockbuster action film is playing in cinemas this week, but that's not what comes out of his mouth. When Dan raises their eyebrows quizzically, what Phil ends up asking is, "Uh, come spend the night in the haunted house with me?"

Great. Real romantic.

--

Dan doesn't make a secret about how much they hate this plan. They say it over and over, but they don't take any of the outs that Phil offers them.

"I hate this plan," Dan says as they make a bunch of sandwiches. It seems like way too much for just the two of them, but Phil isn't about to say no to having a near endless supply of peanut butter and bread when they're stuck in a dusty attic again. "This is stupid. You should have just left it at the first video, Phil, that was fine."

"You don't have to come with me," Phil reminds them for the umpteenth time.

Dan glares. "No, I'm coming."

"You're a very complicated person," says Phil.

With a heavy sort of sigh, like they've been dealing with Phil for years instead of a week, Dan finally sets the peanut butter down. "Look," they say, pointing the dull knife at Phil for emphasis. "I can hate this plan and still want to make sure you don't get fucking arrested or possessed or trip down the stairs or something. PJ knows where I live."

"I think he'd be in the camp of me deserving it if I died in the Wilkins place," Phil says, his lips tugging into a grin. "But thank you."

"Yeah, yeah," Dan mutters. "Will you at least tell me why we're going back? I know you're fucking stubborn and all, but I didn't figure you for someone who beats dead horses."

"Oh, that's a terrible idiom," Phil says, mostly to himself. He reaches out to squeeze Dan's shoulder when he sees them get all huffy at the apparent avoidance. The tension leaving Dan's body under his palm is frustrating to feel, because there's nothing Phil wants more than to lean into it. The problem, of course, is that he really does need to talk to Dan before he starts trying to hug them in their own kitchen. Phil lets his hand drop awkwardly between them and shrugs. "Well, uh. This is the first time in a long time I've actually been excited about a project. And that makes me think that maybe I've worn out my welcome here. Not... not here like Manchester here, but here like... my job, here."

Dan leans their hip against the counter and looks at Phil with their brow all furrowed. "This is an ultimatum," they say. "Like, to yourself."

"Yeah," says Phil. "I need to solve this - or at least find something else that I can show to people. Because if I don't, then I need to actually look at myself and admit I'm not doing something I like anymore."

"It sounds like you're already looking at yourself," Dan says quietly.

"I guess."

"No, you are," Dan insists, their voice stronger now that they can assert an opinion. "Trust me, I'm a pro at unproductive self-reflection and existentialism. Who am I, what does it all matter, I know the song and dance. And I don't think that getting more footage is going to erase what you're already thinking, Phil. Tell me if I'm out of line, whatever, but if you want to do something else with your life then just do something else with your life."

The automatic defensiveness threatens to make Phil snap back at Dan that this isn't any of their business, but he's had a lot of practice in keeping his negative thoughts to himself. He gives Dan a little humourless smile and shrugs his shoulders.

"You're twenty-one," Phil says. "And a student. I don't really expect you to get it."

Dan puts their hands on their hips like they're settling in for a proper row, but instead they just say, "I know. I don't know what you're going through, sure, I doubt anyone knows what anyone else is going through at any time. And, yeah, I've got another year before I have to worry about my career. But I've made some fucking tough decisions in my life, mate. I dropped out of my law course after two lectures. I don't talk to my family anymore. I've tried on so many different names and labels that it would make your head spin. You don't like your job anymore, and one video isn't going to change that."

"Yeah, probably not." Phil looks down at their little collection of sandwiches, feeling lost and stubborn and a bit scared about how much Dan sees him. "But I have to try, y'know? I can't just give up. I have to try."

There's a long moment of silence. Then, Dan sighs.

"Okay. Put these in a container, we don't use unnecessary plastic in this flat. Just whatever they fit in. I'll make some coffee for the road and find our Scrabble board."

[doctorsorders-deathboy]

Of All the Nights

lmfao i guess i’m back from the dead bitches. (this wip has existed for so long. i could not tell you why i decided to finally finish it tonight but AAA im so excited to be posting a fic again omg) amusingly, my last fic also involved late night baking. i hope you enjoy!!

Word Count: 1941

Read on ao3

It was 3:07am on the third of January and Nico di Angelo was dressed in nothing but a too-small fuchsia bathrobe, soaking wet, and about ready to commit bloody murder.

It was very possible, he thought, that the bathrobe contributed to his fury.

This was the kind of disaster that he’d recount to Jason later, with countless creative swears thrown in, though as he stood shivering and fuming outside a stranger’s apartment, it occurred to him that this might be one of those stories that would get more laughs from Jason than shared anger. Asshole.

Speaking of assholes, the door finally opened, revealing a very flustered looking blond man around Nico’s age. For a moment, Nico almost backed off on his prepared rant upon seeing how miserable the blond looked, but when another draft of winter air hit Nico’s still dripping legs, his scowl only deepened.

“What the hell were you doing baking at fucking three in the morning?”

The blond blinked once, twice, three times. He opened his mouth, closed it, and Nico was about ready to break his damn nose when he finally said, “Sorry… Do I know you?”

Nico had never had height to his advantage but hell if he didn’t know how to make himself intimidating. The blond shrunk back as Nico reared himself up to hiss, “Luckily, I was able to make it through 21 years of my life without meeting you before you had to go and nearly set the damn building on fire because of your insomniac cooking. Do you have any idea what kind of night you’ve caused for me? Did it ever occur to you that maybe you should save your incompetence for the waking hours when most people will be out at work anyways? Honestly, what kind of bullshit did you pull to make the fucking fire alarms go off? Did you pull this shit on purpose? Is this some kind of a joke to you?”

The man took much too long to answer again and Nico was collecting every bit of self control he had to keep himself from wringing this jackass’s neck when the response finally came. “Why are you wet?”

Nico must have reared up spectacularly that time because the man quickly amended, “I mean―! I’m sorry, that’s not the point here, um…” He peeked out of his apartment and looked around the deserted hallway. “If you want to yell at me, can you do it in here? I don’t want to wake anyone else up.”

“Like hell, you care,” Nico grumbled but willingly stepped into the man’s apartment. In hindsight, this really wasn’t Nico’s wisest move considering this guy was a stranger and Nico was nearly naked, but the blond seemed about as threatening as a frightened mouse. A tall, blue-eyed, frightened mouse who somehow had a tan in the dead of winter.

“Sorry, who are you again?” the blond asked, closing the door behind a fuming Nico.

“Your pissed off neighbor from two floors up,” Nico snapped. Unfortunately, the blond visibly cringed, looking like a kicked puppy, so Nico muttered, “Nico. Di Angelo,” as a reconcilement.

“Will Solace,” the blond introduced himself in return. He held his hand out to shake but quickly drew it back when it was clear that Nico’s arms were not moving from where they were crossed against his chest.

They stood in uncomfortable silence until Nico repeated, “How the hell did you set off the fucking alarm?” in as dangerous a voice as he could manage.

“I, well…”

Nico shot another fierce glare and Will didn’t waste anymore time in getting to the point.

“I was making pizzelles for my sister’s birthday and the iron must’ve broken because it was making a lot of smoke. It set off the fire alarm which went off throughout the whole building and… yeah. It was a mess. I’m really sorry. I feel awful.”

Nico didn’t doubt Will’s sincerity. The poor man was hunched in on himself with bags under his hands and his hands firmly stuck in his pockets. That didn’t make his story any less ridiculous, though.

“I’m sorry,” Nico said without a hint of remorse, “I think I missed something. Why the hell were you baking at three in the fucking morning?”

Will frowned at him. “You curse a lot,” he muttered.

“Why the fuck were you―”

“I was working until 1am!” Will exclaimed, which was the first indignant comment he’d made. “And I have classes at ten in the morning, but I promised to meet my friend for coffee at eight so I figured I’d just power through and bake when I got home but―” His voice broke off.

Nico’s cheeks tinted with embarrassment upon seeing Will’s face crumple a bit. God, please don’t cry. Nico hadn’t ever been very good at comforting crying people.

“Sorry,” Will said, his voice hoarse. “I should probably… I’m just going to clean up and go to bed. No more smoke. I promise.” He attempted a laugh to lighten the mood but it came out strangled and pitiful.

Nico was about ready to leave Will to mope when he spotted a picture hanging on the wall across the room. Will stood in the center, looking much happier than he did standing in front of Nico. The Will in the picture had a smile that made you want to smile back and had each arm thrown around a friend, pulling them close. He looked jubilant; the kind of person who you felt certain you could approach without fear. It was a painful contrast to the melancholy man Nico had met.

It felt very wrong to Nico that someone so happy could look so broken.

“What about your sister’s pizzelles?” Nico asked quietly.

Will shrugged. “I’ll have to buy her something on my way over tomorrow. Hopefully she won’t mind. I just feel bad, I promised I’d bake for her. Those pizzelles are her favorite.”

Nico considered this for a moment before internally rolling his eyes at himself. “Then we’d better make some pizzelles, shouldn’t we?”

~*~

“You still never explained to me why you showed up at my apartment soaked and nearly naked,” Will said conversationally, as he stood washing the dishes while Nico carefully arranged pizzelles in a tin.

Nico cleared his throat. “That’s a conversation starter I haven’t heard before.”

“Seriously,” Will said, grinning. “Were you swimming?”

“Why would I be swimming in the dead of night?”

Will shrugged. “I dunno, that’s why I was asking.”

“I wasn’t swimming.” Nico put the lid on the tin and turned around, pulling his fuchsia bathrobe tighter around himself.

Will turned towards him, too, eyebrows still raised.

Nico exhaled very slowly before admitting, “I was taking a shower.”

Will blinked. “At… three in the morning?” When Nico’s expression darkened, he added quickly, “Not that I’m judging! Obviously. I’ve taken many middle-of-the-night showers. I just… So, are you a med student, too, or what?”

Nico scuffed his shoe across the floor and grumbled, “No.”

“Okay.”

Silence.

“So…”

“I had a dream,” Nico blurted, probably due to a combination of his lack of sleep and the way Will’s eyes had this kind, dreamy quality to them that made you feel like you could tell him anything.

Will’s eyebrows furrowed. “You showered because you had a dream?” His eyebrows shot upward. “Oh.”

“Not like that!” Nico said quickly, heat rushing to his face. “No, oh my god, no, that’s not…” And then he was laughing harder than he had in a long time and Will was laughing with him and he hardly felt embarrassed anymore. “No, it was a nightmare, not…” Nico tried to catch his breath. “Not that.”

Will tsked. “That’s a shame.”

“Yes, very disappointing.”

“So the shower was, what, to calm you down?”

Nico shifted, his mind flashing back to the dark, blurred images of a few hours ago. Bianca’s smile melting off her face, his mother screaming for him, a packed, dark room where people were crying and disappearing one by one, and he was next, he was next―

“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. “Basically.”

When he’d woken up, he’d had to spend what felt like eternity reminding himself how to breathe again. He’d been having more nightmares recently, ones so bad that he almost considered Jason’s advice to start seeing a therapist. I mean, shit, he knew college wasn’t doing much for him in the mental health department but things hadn’t been this bad since he was thirteen.

He tried different things each night to get himself back to sleep―whatever it took. One night he didn’t manage to properly get back to sleep afterwards; he just lay in his bed with the lights on and music playing, counting the beats of his heart as he dozed on and off. That night, after waking up, he couldn’t stand his own skin, couldn’t stand being trapped in his body any longer, couldn’t stand the way he could still feel cold, dead hands from the dream clutching him―

So he’d gotten in the fucking shower and made the water as hot as he could stand and then the goddamn fire alarm went off. Jesus Christ, of all the fucking nights.

“Must have been a pretty bad dream,” Will murmured.

Nico shrugged. “Yeah, I mean… Yeah. I was… Sorry for being so harsh on you earlier. I was still kind of shaken up, I guess. I probably wouldn’t have marched to your apartment for a stupid mistake on a normal night.”

Will grinned. “Probably?”

“Maybe.”

Will laughed. “Oh, here!” He handed a small tin to Nico. “You helped make em, you should get some for yourself.”

Nico opened it to see that it was crammed full of pizzelles. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, of course. I love the bathrobe, by the way―I never said.”

“Oh god.” Nico groaned. “It’s not mine.”

“Your girlfriend’s?”

And then Nico was laughing again. Christ, that was twice in one night. Something must be wrong with him. “Yeah, no. It’s my sister’s.”

“Ah. Well, for the record, my next guess was that it was your boyfriend’s. I don’t mean to assume anything.”

Nico sucked his teeth. “I don’t have one of those, I’m afraid.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Yes, very disappointing.”

Will smiled softly to himself and Nico noticed that he had a dimple on one side of his face. God. Nico really wished he smiled more.

“Well, thanks so much for the baking help. You really didn’t have to,” Will said as they walked towards the door.

Nico waved him off. “I’m the one who came to your apartment in an angry rage. I needed to make it up to you somehow.”

“Do you frequently get in angry rages?”

“Yes, but mostly just for the aesthetic. Usually I’m too tired to be properly angry.”

Will laughed.

“I’ll return the tin to you, by the way,” Nico added.

“Will you be showing up at my apartment nearly naked again?”

Nico flushed and laughed nervously. “No, I promise I will be fully clothed.”

Will hummed disappointedly. “Well, I suppose I can’t have everything,” he murmured. He smiled then, full and warm, and his eyes crinkled at the corners, and yes, Nico definitely wanted to see that smile more. “Goodnight, Nico,” he said cheerfully.

The door shut before Nico could figure out a way to respond. He stood there staring at it for a solid thirty seconds before turning and heading back to his apartment. When he got back, he decided, he’d put the pizzelles in a different container. He wanted to return the tin to Will Solace as soon as he could get away with.

[robototron217]

Just finished captain marvel

SPOILERS AHEAD

DONT READ IF U WANNA WATCH

movie good

Marvel is such A COWARD (the company not carol)

One major complaint: she should have been LESBIAN YOU FOOLS!!!! How the FUCK do you put SO MUCH subtext in this movie about her and her poc "best friend" and not just call them lesbians?? They lived together in a house, with a kid they were raising, and throughout the movie they share many long and gay higs and i just...im baffled really. Im so confused that in 2019 theys still felt the need to throw in the "best friend" crap. Let them be gay. obviously its what theyre supposed to be.

Also, there was a cute meta joke where one of the bad guys tries to shoot her with a gun they find but its just a nerf gun with one side covered in soot. I feel like its a reference to the fact a lot of action movie Big Guns :tm: are actually just nerf guns painted black. I might be reading too far into that tho.

ALSO

I have never ever, even once, liked a mohawk on anybody ever but 👀 Carol Danvers can do whatever the fuck she wants cause apparently im just stupid and dont know what looks good.

Also also

There was a skrull alien about halfway through the movie at the end of act 2 or so whose ears were just...human? Ears? Like he was just shot and its supposed to be a heroic thing or whatever but i was so distracted by his ears just being white little human ears sticking straight out of his dark green skin. Didnt ruin the movie im just nitpicking.

There were some pacing issues in the first half where a lot of stuff happens really fast but then a 10 minute long fight scene that goes nowhere happens and then a lot more stuff happens really fast. I feel like they could have done less action-y stuff that feels like its there to just take up screen time and develop the connections between characters more. A lot of the emotional scenes and things that were supposed to be dramatic and impactful feel really unearned. Theres a scene about 40 minutes into it where two characters are having a really emotional talk. One character has been an emotional robot for 40 minutes and the other has been on screen for a total of 2 minutes and were supposed to care about them and this great moment of epic feels but i didnt feel like i knew them at all yet.

the actors who played the main cast performed spectacularly for the most part. sam jackson, brie larson, jude law, and ben mendels were all great. One actor though was all over the place though, lashana lynch. Some scenes she did really well but others she didnt really have anything to do. Some of her scenes were weirdly inconsistent. In the emotional scene i mentioned earlier she started crying and it lasted all of 5 seconds before the shot-reverse-shot cut away from her to brie and then back to lashana whos tears completely disappeared between cuts. Obviously thats not her fault but it really messed with the character she was playing.

Theres so much woman power stuff in this movie guys like wow its so good. If you have a daughter she needs to see this movie. I cant list them all but one of the main themes in the movie is carol "controlling" her emotions. All they actually want her to do is not feel at all and be submissive as hell and not do anything to show emotion at all. At the end, when she learns to embrace who she is and not to hide her emotions, she basically becomes 100x more powerful. And thats just one pro woman theme/subplot/tone in this movie. I can think of 12 off the top of my head but im probably missing another 30 i didnt pick up on and this isnt meant to be a list of those so ill just say please go see the movie. If you have a daughter who needs a role model and favorite movie, if you're in need of a confidence boost, if your a man who needs to be shown the stuff in this movie, its worth the price of admission.

Overall i really enjoyed this movie. Really really enjoyed it. Its not perfect, but perfection is boring and stupid and this is smart, colorful, progressive, and its a good time.

Idk why i wrote this.

8/10, go see it.

[indieks]

Not So Randomly | Part 4/5

🌟 Pairing : Im Changkyun (I.M) x Reader

🌟 Genre : Fluff, Angst

🌟 Word count : 21k.

🌟 Synopsis : Whenever you cross the path of Im Changkyun, that guy you hate and that hates you, it seems to be the worst day of your life. But, strangely enough, it also becomes the best and most accurate of moments you've ever had. So, the more you randomly end up stucked with each other, the more a question can arise : is it really chance that has something against you, or is it serendipity that drives you one towards the other?

Previous Part .:. Next Part

🌟 A/N : FINALLYYYY! Oh my god this is so long! This is the next to last part of these series I think… I’m sorry for posting it after three weeks, but back to school has taken a lot of my time and I couldn’t write...

I'm so thankful to all of you who read this, thank you thank you thank you for appreciating my work, I'm truly happy that you like it! 

Oh and yeah there’s finally a clearer appearance of the GroovyRoom producers duo here... I love khh too so I might put some of the artists as side characters in my works! And those two reaaaally suited the ones I had here hehehe

Anyway, enjoy this part, I looooved writing it! ♥

Disclaimer : any gifs or images used, even edited, are not mine and belong to their rightful owners!

 ***

  "I'll prove it to you."

"Did you really say that to her? Wooooow Im Changkyun you're surprising me here I swear!" his best friend Jooheon exclaimed as they were sitting along with Hoseok in a café outside campus.

Changkyun sighed before blowing on his hot drink, his own words and yours turning round and round in his head since he had said them a few hours ago. He had spent the rest of the afternoon daydreaming in class, the butterflies in his stomach never ceasing to flap their wings since he had left you and the spark in his chest consuming all the energy he would have gathered to listen. He had finally said it, and he felt relieved but uneasy at the same time, as your defensive reaction prevented him from entirely releasing what had been burning for you inside of him, by a kiss he was now longing to give you.

Had he really ruined everything? Had he hurt you that deep? He hadn't realized how the weight of his words and [in]actions had buried your feelings so deep he could barely reach them anymore. However, what he came to understand by hearing you out, was that everything going wrong between the two of you was due to the lack of communication and your misunderstandings of his intentions because he hadn't spoken his mind sooner.

"Hyung, did I mess up that bad?" he finally asked as he put his head in his hands to grasp his hair hardly.

Then, he covered it with the hood of the sweater he had passed on before going out with his hyungs, as walking around in the chic outfit had become unbearable, the memories it brought seeming to stick to his skin.

"I don't think you messed up" Hoseok started, but when he earned a suspicious look from Jooheon he changed his use of words. "Well, maybe you did a little, you've been pretty harsh with her just because you had no guts. Buuuut I've seen her look at you all the time when we're around her in campus, and even if she says she doesn't, I'd bet my life she still likes you."

"I think you're going to die then" Changkyun chuckled, laughing sadly at how small his chances seemed to be.

"Ayyyy don't think like that, you just need to fight a little that's all" Jooheon interfered, grabbing his best friend's shoulder and shaking him gently to cheer him up. "You don't know what to do because it's your first time, lil' boy!"

Changkyun pushed his hand away and shot him an annoyed glare.

"As if both of you are experts anyway..." he scoffed before drinking a sip of his coffee.

"Well why are you asking us for help then?" Hoseok pointed with a sly smile, his chin comfortably in the palm of his hand.

"Aish I'm getting a headache and I don't need this. Imma sort this out alone I think!"

"All I can advise you is : go after her, don't give up, and... if you never try you never know" Hoseok shrugged, before putting his straw in his mouth.

"This might sound a bit cheesy-" Jooheon started.

"You're cheesy" his two friends cut him before laughing, amazed at their synchronization.

"Ya! I'm not! I tend to be romantic okay, and that's different!" he protested, his eyes going big and his mouth wide open in outrage.

"Yeah sure... Anyway you were saying?" Changkyun smiled, holding his cup close to him.

"I was saying you should just follow your heart, whatever it says, because look at how things turned when you listened to your dumbass brain" Jooheon stated, poking the youngest's head before crossing his arms.

Changkyun looked at him for a few seconds, processing the words he had just heard and as he saw Hoseok nodding in agreement, he found truth in them. The rare times he had listened to his heart, his actions had been spontaneous but never failed to guide him to you as he had been going after you, and he had always felt he was doing the right thing. No rummaging, no regrets after that, only being scared of losing control and falling for you, but he wasn't anymore.

"I think I should go" he almost whispered, a convinced look in the eye while his brows furrowed.

The boy jumped out of his chair as soon as he ended his drink – in one gulp –, making his friends laugh and they didn't even try to come after him when he almost ran out of the café to the university.

"Yeah go ahead loverboy! That's how you man up!" Jooheon shouted before laughing out loud along with Hoseok. "I didn't think having him with us in Seoul would be that entertaining, if only the others were there too!"

Right now, Changkyun's heart was telling him to find you. He didn't know what he would do then, and he still had in mind your wish to never see his face show up in front of yours again, but somewhere deep within him he felt the same thrill that had steered him the times before. The sky was turning into an orangey tone, the dim rays of sun shining on the streets while a fresh spring wind was whirling around, and Changkyun was jogging to the university's entrance at a quick pace. He only thought a second time about what he was doing when he entered the library instinctively, remembering you went there last Monday, before you both got locked up.

How were you going to react? He had confessed just a few hours ago and you had blown up like a bomb right in front of him, so wouldn't you still be sensitive to the fire of emotions he was burning in? Is she okay at least? Changkyun had to check on you – he was dying to do so – and he started begging chance to help him like it always had since the beginning, now that he had realized it had been in favor of your relationship but that he had been too oblivious to use it properly.

He had bought your favorite hot drink right before coming, knowing you liked it as every morning he had spent with you 6 months ago, you had slowly savored one with your eyes still red from the lack of sleep. He still remembered the sweet scent it left in the air every time you spoke. He wanted to smell it again, he wanted to surprise you with his knowledge of your habits, and with his sudden boost of confidence, Changkyun started to roam between the rows of bookshelves and tables, his hands burning with the cup in them and trembling as he anticipated the moment he'd have you in his sight.

However, he hadn't expected what he faced when he landed a foot in the umpteenth row, ready to move on to the next one as he had been doing up til then. His eyes finally met your back still well-dressed in your white elegant shirt, but you weren't alone ; you were with another boy he had never seen or paid attention to, both of your shoulders leaned against the same bookshelf and the tones of your voices really low, close to a whisper. Changkyun stepped back and as he couldn't fight his curiosity, he walked in the neighboring row until he was at your level, careful not to be seen or suspicious as he took a random book in his hands and leafed it, the drink still preciously held in his right hand.

    ***

    You had decided to plunge yourself into work at the library at the end of the day, as after having spent the entire afternoon remembering Changkyun's fucking weird confession instead of listening to classes, you had been persuaded that returning to your dorm would only have resulted in you crying in your bed and wondering how life could be joking at you that much.

Changkyun liked you. From the beginning, he had said. But why did it feel like it hurt instead of relieving you as you had always longed for those words? Like a little angel and a little devil on your shoulders, your intern voices were fighting between something like : "Don't mind him, he should have awakened before instead of rejecting you!" and "You like him, he likes you, just go for it!".

Had he really hurt you? Of course he had, you even cried because of his sharp words. But should you really blame him for having been afraid of his feelings? Better late than never they say… But wasn't it too late? You didn't know yourself, as you weren't really sure if you trusted him in the first place. Maybe it was just an illusion he had, as you had been reunited spectacularly and he felt too excited about it, carried away by the heat of the moment. Maybe it would fade away in some time, while your feelings would still be pouring now that you had no plug to dry up their source. The thought of accepting him suddenly gave you chills and made your heart beat crazily – as always though –, and you shook your head from left to right, hoping it would brush off your feelings and you'd finally get involved in your accounting calculations.

However, it seemed that you were not going to finish your homework any time soon, as your phone's screen lightened up with a Facebook message coming from Hwimin the moment you read the first exercise's instructions. No, not one, but two, then three, and four. What did he want? Why now? Why were these two boys always coming in and out of your life at the same time, moreover when you were the weakest? With careful fingers, you opened the blue bubble and read the lines numerous times until it hit you.

The integration party was on this Friday. That is to say, in four days. Four little days before you got to see your ex again after almost a month without doing so, and you suddenly felt short of breath. A wave of melancholia abruptly crashed against your body, its water filling under your eyelids while your mouth ran dry. Lee Hwimin. You couldn't remember his face quite well now, but the resounds of his sweet voice and laugh were clear in your ears on which you put your hands to focus on your self-control.

Stupidly though, your curious mind directed your hands towards your phone once again and in no time you were surfing on his Instagram account, but what welcomed you surprised and disappointed you at the same time.

Every single one of his last pictures was showing him partying with his friends – some that used to be yours too –, and most of the time he had red eyes or was surrounded by random but pretty girls with bright smiles and sometimes wandering hands.

"What's wrong with him?" you moaned out loud, and you earned a disapproving look from your table mates as well as a "Shhhhht" coming from the intendant that appeared out of nowhere, her eyes scarily peering at you behind the glasses perched on her nose, making you apologize shyly.

Is he serious? You didn't recognize the boy you used to know from these pictures, and what you were sure of, was that you would never have been attracted to him if he had been such a party guy back then. So that was what he had left you for? So that was the freedom he had been seeking? And there you had been feeling guilty for forgetting about him so quickly because of Changkyun, while he looked like he had moved on the second he broke up with you and was proudly showcasing his single life. You bit your lip nervously and started to scroll down his feed as you couldn't believe he had changed that much, looking for something that was familiar to you and that would ensure you you hadn't fallen for that kind of guy in the first place.

You shouldn't have done that. As soon as you reached the pictures of the year before, you felt your heart crumple into your chest so bad that you instinctively put your fist on it and started to pat the zone to help it beat normally again. Hwimin hadn't deleted any picture of you and your relationship. They were still there, drowned under the wave of craziness he was surfing on down in the country, but they were still there and you oddly felt angry.

Those cute legends, those thrilling moments of skipping classes, those comments you left nagging him and his responses full of sarcasm, were the memories you still treasured deep within you. He was your first relationship ever, and while you were trying to crystalize the souvenirs it had implied, his new image was crushing everything and made you doubt about his sincerity with you in the first place. You felt disgusted by his actual demeanor, wondering why he would throw out his old self completely to become a party boy and that only, but mostly how he could send you those caring messages when he looked like there was nothing left of him you could trust.

You needed to understand or at least, you needed some kind of briefing to prepare yourself for Friday night, as you refused to be deceived by another boy. You had to level down your expectations before you let yourself hope something he wouldn't reflect, something that would have suited his kind words when in reality he was only going to be there to party. So you texted his best friend, Gyujeong, who was attending the same university as yours, and you were eager to ask him why Hwimin would send you such messages, and if you were the only one to be shocked by his new mask or not.

Gyujeong appeared to be in the library too, so you rushed out of your seat and when you caught a glimpse of him standing on the stairs and apparently looking for you, his bright orange hoodie calling for you as if he was a warning sign, you waved your arm in the air and the tall boy rushed to you. He still had his charming smile and handsome looks, with his traits close to European ones, and you got surprised when he hugged you quickly once he got you in his reach.

"Y/N… How come we haven't seen each other before?" he whispered, still smiling at you when you parted and he started to walk, inviting you to hide somewhere to talk without disturbing people.

You used to hang out a lot with him, Hwimin and Solhee, making you a square of best friends, and you regretted those moments as you finally got to talk to him after a long time. He was studying law so you had a few to zero classes together, and even if you both hadn't meant to, your break up with Hwimin naturally leaded to one with him.

"How are you doing?" he asked in a quiet tone, putting his shoulder comfortably against the bookshelf on his left and you mirrored him.

"Pretty fine, and you? Not too hard?" you smiled.

"Wellll you can forget about my lazy ass, it's in the past. I'm a hard-working Gyujeong now" he laughed softly, making you giggle as you brushed your hair with your left hand.

University had changed him too, but in a better way than his best friend apparently. Still, you had seen him on a few of the last pictures posted by Hwimin, as he sure had invited him to one of his numerous parties and the thought made your stomach knot indefinitely, as you desperately wanted to hear about  your ex from him.

What is that chocolatey scent suddenly in the air? It smells so good…

"So, what did you want to ask me?" he questioned as he played with the chords of his flashy hoodie like a kid in a handsome man's body, and you focused on him again instead of your growing hunger.

Without hesitating, you pulled out your phone and handed it to him with Hwimin's messages on the screen, and to your surprise, Gyujeong sighed before laughing mostly sarcastically. When he raised his eyes, he looked away from you and shook his head in disbelief.

"What makes you laugh?" you couldn't refrain yourself from asking, your brows knitting in confusion.

"When did he send that to you?" he asked back in a louder voice, his tone trembling because of the laugh still in the back of his throat.

"J-Just now, and I… I wanted to ask you if you have any idea why he would do that, I mean, I don't understand him and I would like to know what he wants before I get to see him" you stuttered, your eyes glued to the screen Gyujeong was now rereading, a smile still on his lips.

"You really want to know, Y/N?" he finally looked back at you, one of his brows arched.

What does that mean?

"Y-Yes, why wouldn't I?"

"That means that dumbass chicken misses you." he informed you before laughing again at his best friend he just had betrayed.

"What?!" you exclaimed but in a hushed voice, your eyes ready to go out of their holes and your heart hammering your ribcage.

"I'm sorry but I know him too damn well and I'm sure of what I'm saying" Gyujeong shrugged. "I said it because you asked, and to speak frankly, I think you deserve to know…"

You blinked a few times as your brain froze the moment it got hit by his words, first his revelation about Hwimin's intentions towards you, second his answer to the question you would never have dared to ask him but you had thought about a lot of times, wondering if he had been sharing his best friend's choice as you regretted losing his friendship because of it.

"How can you possibly say that I mean… He broke up with me to enjoy his uni life, and I saw his Instagram and he seemed reaaaaally fine without me so what makes you think that?" you spoke your concerns out loud, under Gyujeong's soft look and smile that were trying to show you, somehow, you were understood.

Too much information in one day. As if Changkyun and Hwimin were linked, you were once again assisting to their collaboration to mess with your entire mind and heart as they now had decided to showcase their feelings for you at the same time. Suddenly, an emotion close to anger bubbled inside of your chest now that Gyujeong had unveiled the disguise under which Hwimin had concealed himself. You were asking yourself how crazy you must be to get attracted to the type of guy that regrets pushing you away and comes back in hopes you'd be the gentle girl waiting for him. Most of all : how come you happened to do that twice in a row?

"Ah his Instagram… I went to one of his parties and they are really lit, the people too, but you shouldn't rely on those pictures you know, Y/N. Hwimin hasn't really changed, if that was your inner question…" Gyujeong guessed and you looked down, ashamed to admit that you cared. "He's still my best friend, he's just happy to live a stressless life with people that are laid-back, and yeah he got carried by the trend to show off how hot uni life is, but he's still the same…"

Gyujeong searched for some kind of response in your eyes, his own inviting you to speak freely while he hadn't stopped smiling since the beginning of your private meeting.

"Let's say you are right. Then why would he miss me…" you winced as you spoke the words up yourself, the thought of it bugging you. "If he's having a perfect life down there, it means he just got what he was aspiring for when he dumped me, and I know you know his reasons Gyujeong-ah."

The latter nodded and he bit his lip before tilting his head, looking for the right words to tell so that he could get to the point without losing your soul in the process.

"I asked you if you really wanted to know, Y/N, so now you know. I told you : I'm his best friend, so I know what I'm saying. At one hundred percent. I won't get any further than this, but would you let me ask a simple question?"

"Go ahead" you whispered reluctantly, your fingers playing with the hem of your shirt nervously as your brain had started to play all your memories with Hwimin in your head like a film you were forced to watch without the right to pause it.

"Do you miss him too?"

Time froze, your blood too as your body went numb, but suddenly something distracted you : the strong scent of sweetness coming from the other side of the wood structure you were leaning on, as if it got closer since the beginning of the conversation. Your eyes drifted to the books next to you, and between them you recognized the outlines of a coffee cup placed on the shelf, your brows furrowing as you saw it was alone. But when you were ready to stand up to look for its owner, Gyujeong scraped his throat and you looked back at him, realizing you had left his question unanswered. What was it again?

"Should I take your dodge as a yes?" he teased, his eyes following where yours were still landing on.

"Oh my god no! No, I don't think so." you finally replied.

How could you miss him when somebody else had been occupying your thoughts non-stop or your sight every time you had tried to forget about him? No, you hadn't missed Hwimin at all, as you were in love with somebody else that ate it all, even the weakest part of your heart that had started to beat for your ex. Indeed, if his messages had bothered you more than it should have, it was nothing compared to the fire of emotions Changkyun had set within your whole body since his confession and that was still burning vigorously, not even slightly threatened by the wave of mixed-feelings that had crashed against you at the sight of the unknown man Hwimin had become.

"Then if you don't care about him, why are we having this discussion right now?" Gyujeong pointed out.

"I still care about him, but not in that way" you corrected, your eyes staring into his as he nodded in comprehension. "I just got disturbed by his sudden messages and his Instagram posts that showed me a total stranger when it has only been a few weeks since the last time I saw him. I needed to understand, Gyujeong-ah. He remains my first relationship you know, I can't stay indifferent."

His best friend hummed and he straightened himself, his dark hair falling on his forehead after he had done a slow move of his head to make his neck crack.

"I got it. But now that I cleared your mind, what are you gonna do on Friday? I don't want to deal with his annoyed self if you're too harsh on him, please!" Gyujeong pleaded before yawning, and you laughed quietly.

"I can't do anything for him, he shouldn't have dumped me… But I'll act normal even if a part of me wants to punch him for being that dumb" you confessed.

"I couldn't have said it any better, he's been fucking dumb" he joked, an ounce of relief in his voice and he put his large hand on your shoulder to shake it a bit. "I'll go now, I have some work to catch on. You know, we can stay friends Y/N, I miss you and… Solhee. I don't have anything to do with all this shit!"

You smiled and let him go and once you were alone, you expired a long breath of air, feeling weird after this talk that had confused you as well as it had helped you face the sad truth the more you talked about Hwimin : you liked Changkyun, and nobody else. Indeed, even when you were granted the chance to turn away from him by going into your ex's arms that apparently were waiting for you, his confession added to his return into your daily life were making you unable to silence your feelings – that now had grown even deeper – like you had before.

Your doubt about the honesty of the three words he had said with confidence was holding you back in a stance of hesitation, where your head was telling you not to believe it and go on your way while your heart was dying to get what it wanted by giving him another chance. You liked Changkyun, and nobody else, and even Hwimin's possible return couldn't change that as the spark you had grown for him only got switched off by the fireworks Changkyun was making you feel.

    ***

    "That means that dumbass chicken misses you."

His eyes open wide and he almost gasps, but he tries to remain as silent as possible not to get noticed or miss a single word coming from your mouth. Who are they talking about?

"… He broke up with me…"

Broke up? She had a boyfriend? Changkyun's jaw drops and he feels his hands starting to tremble, the coffee in the right one on the verge of meeting the ground as he no longer pays attention to it. So this is it? She really moved on? I am too late? There is some sweat forming on his forehead and dampening the few strands of hair he hasn't secured under his hood, and weirdly, a need to puke burns painfully his throat.

"Do you miss him too?"

Please. Changkyun finally decides to set down the drink as he was now about to crush it because of the anticipation. Please don't. He sees your face turning into his direction so he drops his, his hair falling before his eyes and his hood helping him to stay undercover. However, even if he takes a risk to get caught now, he can't allow himself to run away as he knows his mind won't leave him alone if he doesn't hear your answer himself.

"Oh my god no! No, I don't think so."

A quiet sigh leaves his lips and he finally looks up to see you fronting the boy again – Gyujeong, nice to meet you and sorry to be spying on you buddy – and his heart finally releases itself from all the stress and sorrow that had been strangling it.

"I still care about him, but not in that way."

That's all he had needed to hear. Changkyun almost jumped in joy, but soon the realization that someone had took the place you had been ready to give him last summer hit him like a hammer and downed him to the ground immediately. You had liked someone else meanwhile, when he had neither tried to neither found someone who could fit him like you annoyingly did, so it surely meant… You no longer had feelings for him. But why had he felt something going on between the two of you at the library? Or earlier, when your hateful words towards him somehow sounded weird?

When he saw you move from your spot after your friend had left, Changkyun grasped the cup once again and if he had been about to doubt himself and everything he had been intending to do for you, his hyungs' words resounded in his head like a motivating melody and he remembered what he had promised himself. If there had been a time when you had feelings for him, if you were still looking at him as Hoseok had said, he was willing to approach you and rekindle what you once found in him.

Changkyun turned around and followed you silently to the table you were sitting at, and when he saw there wasn't anybody in front of you, he once again was able to thank fate from the bottom of his heart. He breathed one last time before walking to you, who were staring at your blank sheets, as empty as your mind was. But the moment you saw a familiar silhouette fill up the space you were facing, everything seemed more beautiful as he splashed your world with the colors of his own, in something bright but warm that increased the heat in no time.

"Here" Changkyun simply said as he slid a cup to you, and you immediately recognized the smell from a few minutes before, a familiar one as you were fond of this drink.

Did he hear everything? And how did he know?

You blinked a few times, your eyes going back and forth between the hot drink and its offeror, who felt relieved that you didn't push it away immediately, or dropped it on his head. Moreover, there no longer was the glare of anger you had earlier in your eyes.

"What do you want?" you answered, your eyes falling back to your exercises while your heart was already beating at a crazy pace.

"That's your favorite, isn't it?" he smiled proudly, and he leaned his elbows on the table before putting his chin in his hands to have a better look at you.

"And?"

You didn't level up your eyes and the boy sighed, but oh thank god she seems fine. And she’s so pretty right now.

"Aaaand that's for you" he answered in that low voice that made you weak every single time, so weak you finally looked at him to find him staring at you with hooded eyes.

"I don't want it" you sternly said, not understanding what he was doing.

You hadn't digested his sudden confession, not even sure if you could and should trust it, but there he already was, making your legs quiver and your palms sweaty. How had he found you? Had he spied on you? Changkyun kept staring at you with his lips slightly parted and you noticed he had sweated, seeing some wet strands of hair on the sides of his forehead.

"Sorry, w-was that too soon? Look I don't know what to do-" he started to panic, suddenly getting scared of the neutral mask you were wearing.

Maybe she isn't fine after all.

"Don't do anything and leave me alone" you grumbled, hiding as well as you could how flustered you were by such a mere action.

"Hmmm sorry, but that's not in my options anymore." he answered sincerely, and even with your head hung low, he caught the quick widening of your eyes.

You finally acknowledged him and you were – amazingly – surprised to see that, in spite of his clumsy and somehow childish move on you, he sure had man up as he had not once failed to stare at you with care in his eyes since he had pronounced his torturing words. You didn't want to admit it, but the more he was sitting here dealing with your rejection without breaking because of it, the more you were growing close to the conclusion that he was perfectly sincere with you. If he had been late to like you back, if he had tried to go his own way while you had been waiting at the finish line without any hope at some point, you were now seeing him letting go of his fugitive disguise to become a front row runner going straight to you. And you certainly hadn't prepared for it, as your heart was responding passionately to his simple presence.

"Stop it already" you whispered, but your voice wasn't faithful to the willpower you wanted it to have.

"Do you know what my friends call me? Stubborn." he chuckled, his chin still in his right hand as he suddenly got a grab of your pencil case and took one black marker from it.

Your brows furrowed as you were about to swear at him for stealing your things, but when you saw him take the cup and write something on it with a little smile on his lips, the picture stuck the words in your throat.

"You?" you finally scoffed. "You're quite the opposite, should I remind you you were supposed to hate me and that you didn't want to have to do anything with me? And now you… You…"

Changkyun closed his eyes in annoyance and he put the cup back on the table before returning the pen into its place, and you had to refrain your smile to appear as you saw he had black ink on the side of his hand. A child I swear.

"You can't even say it." he complained, his brows furrowing and he slammed his tongue in disapprobation. "I was stubborn about hating you... at first. You don't know how bad the guys tried to open my eyes. And now that I have, now that I made another decision, I'm gonna stick to it too so you'll have to deal with me."

The guys? His friends? If even them knew before you or he did, you couldn't be more certain about his feelings now. Friends are always the first to know when you have a crush on someone.

"Stubborn my ass. I'd rather call you Kkung kkungie" you smiled before biting your lip to stop.

"Aish not that please..." he moaned. "Well yeah, you can call me like that if it makes you smile… If I make you smile." he then shrugged, leaning back on his seat before swinging back and forth in it.

"No, that's ridiculous. Just go."

You were the one that was going be stubborn this time ; at least, you had to try. For your own sake, as you were afraid of his sudden change of mind and open of heart, afraid that it would close again, afraid the smile and attention he was giving you were going to fade as soon as you'd say yes. You really liked him, but did he really like you back? And even if he did, you wouldn't forgive yourself if you were that easy to get. Oh my god Y/N are you really considering being with him right now? STOP!

Changkyun suddenly stood up, his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie and he walked until he was just next to you. When you lifted up your head to look at him, he was mirroring your stare and you almost laughed at his appearance, his hood sticking to his face as his hands' position indirectly pulled at it.

"Alright alright. But know that I'm just starting." he said in a chanting tone, his lips slightly curving down as he was proud of what he had said, and then the boy left, triumphant, leaving you with a still hot cup of your favorite drink to linger his presence in your troubled mind even now that he was physically gone.

    ***

    "And what is this?" Solhee asked when she entered the dorm room, her school bag making a loud noise as she threw it on her desk with a sigh leaving her lips.

You were lying on your bed, staring at the cup on the nightstand next to your head, blinking rarely as you read the writing again and again. You had emptied it after all, drinking it slowly as you had savored the bittersweet taste you loved that bad, but each gulp had reminded you of him – he surely had wanted it from the start –, of his hands on it with his thumb ring that gave off a sexy vibe, of the smile he arbored when he handed it to you, of the last look he gave you.

I'll prove it to you!!!

As if saying it hadn't been enough, Changkyun had dared to write it black on beige, leaving a material proof of his determination and making you hear his voice pronounce the sentence every time you read it.

"Changkyun gave it to me..." you breathed before rolling on your back with your arm on your eyes, exhausted by the masquerade a lonely cup was representing.

"Excuse me girl???? Did I miss something?" your best friend hissed.

You told her what happened at the library, from Hwimin's messages to Gyujeong's kindness to Changkyun's... sudden appearance. She listened without a word, only nodding and humming from time to time, until you got frustrated by her silence.

"Solhee-ah, what am I supposed to do, hm? What am I supposed to do?" you moaned, sitting on your bed.

She sighed loudly before smiling at you, and she tucked her black and shiny hair behind her ears.

"Give him a chance." she said quietly. "But make him run a little before that, because he deserves it and it looks like he's willing to anyway!" she added in a determined voice, her fist knocking against the palm of her other hand.

"What?!" you exclaimed, more than surprised by Solhee's words. "What about our pinky promise? I thought you wanted him out of my life!"

"That, was before I learned the guy actually likes you. He hid it well at first..." she mumbled almost to herself. "I mean, I saw him look at you in class lately, and from alllll the things you've told me up till now, that's pretty sure he's sincere. So, I think you both will only be pieces of shit if you're not together. Fate can't seem to stop bounding the both of you, you're in the same uni, the same classes... You won't stand being apart and put your feelings at bay, at least not when you're stucked with each other all year long. You won't move on now that you know his feelings, Y/N. You like each other, so what else can you do?" she shrugged before laughing as you were looking at her with doe-like eyes, your mouth agape.

"How come it sounds so pleasing coming from you, but when I have to admit it myself I want to die?" you whined.

"I don't want to deal with your whining self all year, Y/N-ah. I love you, but not to the point where I have to drag you around campus because you'll be down or talking about him being a jerk. You have nothing to despair about now, because you ACTUALLY CAN HAVE THE BOY."

She sounded like a mom as well as she looked like one, her arms crossed on her chest while she was tapping her feet against the wooden ground, and you felt a smile curve your lips at the sight.

"I'm scared. And I feel like if I accept him, I'd be an easy girl, I'd be weak and-"

"Ohhhh my gosh but love makes us weak, darling!" she exclaimed and you both laughed at her sudden rush of annoyance, her hands up in the air like a drama queen giving you a lesson. "Love makes us weak, but it also makes us happy, and as I told you : you won’t be happy fighting your feelings eternally when their owner is right next door."

She was perfectly right, your heart knew it, but in your head you still felt like you had to take your time to think about it. I'm scared of him. I'm scared of love.

    ***

    Tuesday. That made it three days before you had to meet Hwimin again, and you still hadn't answered to his messages – you weren't intending to anyway. But this thought was troubling you way less than the one of coming across Changkyun in class and in the hallways. Yet, when you entered the first amphitheater of the day, your eyes found him in no time when his had randomly chosen to look at people entering instead of the game on his phone. And the moment they met, you were surprised to see him smile cockily at you, because you were totally destabilized. You were about to storm to your seat with your friends when-

"Y/N!" his low voice called from the top seats and you stopped in your tracks, cursing under your breath as you wished he would just give you some time. You needed time.

You ignored him and pursued on your way, but the boy called your name again above the morning fuss and you turned around brutally to stare at him with guns taking the place of your eyes.

"Come here two minutes please" he asked you once he had your attention, and seeing you hesitate, Solhee pushed you towards the stairs until your feet were stumbling against the first step.

"Go go go! You hear what he has to say, then you walk away without saying anything, that's how you make them run Y/N!" she whispered and you straightened yourself before walking as confidently as you could to the guy you liked so much in his striped turtleneck that suited him so well.

But in your head it was a mess, as a whole bunch of questions were knocking against the walls of your brain, from "What am I doing?" to "What has gotten into me?" to "I don't care? I don't care! I don't care, I don't..."

"Here" Changkyun suddenly said, snapping you out of your intern war as you were already standing next to him before you could realize.

He handed you the same cup as the day before, and your eyes widened before you frowned.

"So treating me with coffee is your way to get to me? Wow I'm touched" you sarcastically said, and you bit your tongue a little too late.

Why can't I just shut my mouth?

"Hey, I woke up early to get you this so just accept it okay? I don't even ask for a thank you" he insisted in a complaining tone, and unexpectedly he took your right hand to place the cup in it, forcing your fingers to wrap around it.

"Well try harder" you answered as you refrained a smile to creep up your lips to the point it tingled as much as the hand he had touched.

"T-try harder? Does that mean you'll accept me sooner or later? Ya! Y/N! Ya!"

You already were walking away as he was shouting with a big smile on his face, brightened by the few words you had just said, while you were hating yourself for being unable to shut your mind whenever he was with you. He could open you like a book and read freely between your lines. If even a coffee could make your stomach bubble with happiness, did you just kill your willpower to stay safe from him by telling him to try harder? His next move surely was going to sway you, and definitely.

You sat down and knocked your head as a punishment, and even between all the voices chatting around you, you could hear him joyfully laugh, but without noticing how he had straightened proudly in his chair and was looking before him as if he was the king of the world. You had told him to try harder, when he hadn't even really started yet ; you had told him to try harder, meaning you were thinking of letting him in somehow.

You took the cup in your hands while the teacher was sorting his things out on the desk, and you discovered Changkyun had written the date as well as an Enjoy! that made your heart quiver a little. You quickly looked over your shoulder to find him focusing on his computer, his sharp eyes apparently reading something, and when he combed his greyish-brown hair with his hand, you bit your lip and turned around, finding yourself ridiculous for being shook by such a mere move.

"Someone's determineeeed" Solhee half whispered half sang as she pointed the cup, and you nudged her while grumbling, wanting to forget the pleasant effect you still were floating in as you were trying to be as tough as possible.

But you soon understood you wouldn't last long, as chance was trying hard to discourage you.

  ***

  Wednesday. Changkyun had let you the space you had prayed for on Tuesday afternoon, satisfied with the phrase you had told him that made his day the shiniest it could have been. He had been so energetic and excited all day long that back at the dorms, his roommate had started to worry when he had noticed him shake abruptly his feet under the covers, as at each time he had remembered your voice in his head telling him to Try harder, he had felt love send him some electric shocks down to the bottom of his body. Changkyun felt totally different now that he had opened himself ; he realized he had leaded a poor life, trying too hard to push back his feelings, as now that he had, he felt lighter and happier, the spark in his chest not bugging him but making him feel alive.

On Wednesday afternoon, the humanitarian association from your university organized a big flea market, where students’ clothes they had given were sold for low prices, and the funds were going to be used for charity causes. You went to take a look with Solhee, willing to donate something, and you started to go crazy as more and more beautiful clothes were in front of you on the big tables installed on the grass, giving you a headache as you wanted to take everything and nothing at the same time.

Your eyes glued to the sleeve of an oversized yellow and brown checkered shirt, its thick but soft fabric showing its quality, so you dug like an adventurer looking for its treasure or an architect discovering a mysterious but precious antiquity under the ground. Once you got the hold of it, your heart fell in love with the piece at first sight, from its sunflower color to its good condition to the black hood it had, making it even more special to you. Who would throw this out seriously? You slipped on the shirt and once you got an approbation from Solhee that ensured you you looked "amazingly amazing", you bought it, happy to have found your happiness and to help whatever great cause the association was pursuing.

You hadn't seen Changkyun yet, neither in the morning as you had different classes, nor now at the flea market – wait, why do you mind Y/N? Still the shirt on above your black top, you walked to your next class with a smile on your lips, but when you entered the building's hall, you almost fell from your brutal stop as you saw the exact person you were thinking of seconds ago.

Chance had pushed again your steps into his path – or the reverse – but your heart still wasn't used to his sudden appearances in your sight as its pace increased – as always though. He had that lazy but attractive vibe again, with his coat misplaced on his shoulder and his cap not fully planted on his head ; and just with that, just with a casual outfit and a careless demeanor, he had your eyes focusing on him only and your mind finding him cute, and you laughed internally at yourself. He had a coffee cup in his hands, one you recognized immediately because of the two others he had already offered you, and by the moment you took a new step before you to flee the crime scene of him killing you by planting an umpteenth arrow in your heart, his eyes landed on your silhouette in front of the glass entrance.

However, what destabilized you even more than coming across him and that froze you into your place, was how big they became, how red his cheeks turned but above all, how a gigantic smile gained his thin lips, curving them slightly down as his signature, and you guessed he sighed before walking to you. I have to go.

"I'll go catch us some seats" Solhee whispered as she winked at you, before disappearing like a thief in the crowd, leaving you as a defenseless bay that its predator was going to eat in one bite.

Changkyun was floating as he grew closer and closer to you, and even if he was becoming inane day by day because of you, he didn't care as chance, or fate, was definitively in favor of you being together.

"Hey Y/N, wow… Wow I don't… I don't believe it, really!" he exclaimed, his sentence messy as he was overwhelmed by the situation.

"What are you talking about?" you asked, confused and flustered by his presence so close to you.

You loved when you could see his forehead, highlighting the beautiful eyes and face he had. How hard you must have fell for him, damn.

"That's my shirt, Y/N! That's… Yes, that's the fucking shirt I dropped for the flea this morning, that's mine! And who bought it… Out of thousands of students? That's you! I can't… No I can't believe it. This, is amazing, wow" he expired, the tone of his voice way much higher as he was excited, and you felt his emotions drown on you.

Your body started to respond to the mixed-feelings rising in your body as your brain processed his words, butterflies again fighting in your stomach, tachycardia, wobbling legs… And eyes that couldn't detach themselves from his smiling face that was warming you, making your palms sweaty. This can't be.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me" you barely breathed, searching the sign of a joke in his eyes.

Changkyun said nothing and simply took his wallet out of his bomber's pocket, not without struggles as he still had the – your? – drink in one of his hands, but when he opened the leather object, he took out a small and crumpled piece of paper from it with his long pianist fingers and presented it to you.

"See! I told you, that's mine, it's a picture from the kindergarten I worked at with Jooheon after I left the market last summer!" he protested, pointing at the very shirt he was wearing on the pictures you were staring at, your heart at the verge of exploding as well as your nerves that were hardly handling it.

"So that's where you had been hiding…" you stated with an ounce of despise, the memory of him abandoning you and the granny still quite painful to you, and even if the apron he was wearing was making him funny, your joyful and kidding side was totally shut off by your confusion.

Your eyes fell down to the fabric on you, and the sudden panic rising in you made you urge yourself to get rid of it but the boy stopped you, his hands catching the falling material on your shoulders to put it in its place again.

"Seriously?" he asked you in a quiet tone, his eyes piercing through you and giving you chills because of their defying – yet loving – stare. "And last time when I said sorry for everything, it included dropping the grandma and you too." he specified, the guilt encouraging him to do so.

"How can you change so much?" you whispered involuntarily, and you bit your lip in regret that he heard it.

"I didn't change, I just stopped lying to myself, Y/N. Looks like I was a great actor, as you thought the old Changkyun was the real me" he joked, his shoulders going slightly up and down as he laughed, his hands still in their position at the base of your neck.

"I don't want to keep it anymore, let me undress" you grumbled, looking away from his face that was stealing your confidence.

"Nope, you liked it so just keep it. I can't believe it seriously" he laughed again, his eyes closing this time as his head rolling back, making his cap almost fall. "Hey, once again, I'm the only one to laugh at how we're meant to be, when you had been the first to back in the bus."

With a move of your shoulders, you got rid of his grasp on you as the touch was making you numb on the inside, disturbing you in a pleasant way when you didn't want to.

"How we're meant to be?" you laughed too, but sarcastically as you knew those words were what you had thought once but had stopped to believe in as he had been cutting the red string seemingly linking the both of you.

And now, he was trying to knot it again. How amazing.

"Believe it or not, there's one thing you still can't deny : our mutual feelings" he replied, his sly smile taking its famous place.

"You talk about it as if it's not a big deal and it's simple, you're incredible" you scoffed, rolling your eyes at the same time.

How can he be so relaxed to talk about his feelings? How can he word them so easily?

"Hmmmm it could be simple, but you're making it harder. And… why should I refrain myself, when I'm with the first person that should know about it?" he asked without asking, and as you had expected – or secretly wished – he gave you the cup, that you took without saying a word, too shook by the situation to fight.

Changkyun felt relieved to see you accept it, so he put his hands in his jacket's pockets before tilting his head to the side.

"Don't you have a class to attend? I don't want you to be late because of me" he proudly said, taking advantage of your weakened state as it amused him to feel him fluster you.

"Everything going wrong in my life is because of you Im Changkyun" you bitched, but when he responded with a smile, you were once again caught short and your heart was once again about to step out of your body to jump at him.

"I know that, but you're still standing there and talking to me…" he answered in a chanting tone, his chin slightly lifted as he liked to do and you wanted to slap him as much as you were craving to take it between your fingers and pull at it until his lips were on yours.

Falling short of replies, you decided to walk away without saying anything instead of stuttering before him, refusing to grant him the pleasure to admire the effect he had on you. And while your feet dragged you further and further from him, you felt defeated as you realized you still had his shirt on, as well as his fucking cup in your hand, both of those items representing the mark he was leaving deeper and deeper under your skin, swaying you to the core.

    ***

    You had spent all day long watching your reflection wearing the shirt in the hallway's glasses or everything that could possibly mirror you, when you had not been staring at the sleeves that fell on your hands as you typed on your computer. You had removed it at first, the second you had entered the class you had been going to before meeting him – to which you had been late in the end – but the chill in the air and the annoyance of Solhee telling you to wear it had made you put it back, smiling doing so as you really liked the clothing in spite of its original owner.

You had had a long day, your brain melt down after getting hotter and hotter from understanding classes and learning new things, and you were now spread on your bed like a beached whale. Solhee and your other friends were finishing later that you – at 10pm if you remembered well – so you were bored. You had finished your homework, your stomach grumbling from hunger all the while and if you had planned to wait for your best friend to enjoy your dinner at the cafeteria later, you were now thinking of going outside campus to eat by yourself. The weather was fine, the night sky without any clouds to be seen, and you were tired of admiring the stars on your ceiling instead of walking in the city streets to see the real ones.

So you put your shoes on, the shirt still carelessly on you as you had gotten used to it during the afternoon, and after writing a small note to your roommate signaling her you were going to have dinner outside, you went to the exit. Forgetting your purse on your desk. And the moment you closed the door, the one of your front neighbor opened and when you turned around to greet her, your hand still on the door knob, you were met with the back of a him, his greyish-brown hair you knew too damn much, the same kaki bomber, the same cap, the same nonchalance from before and this time you gasped loudly, frightened at the sight.

Changkyun jumped and turned around too, his eyes going wide for the second time of the day because of you but this time he didn't smile, as he truly was as shocked as you. Why the hell is he coming out from a girls' dorm room???????

"Amazing" he breathed before finally letting a smile gain his lips. "This is fucking amazing."

He started to laugh wholeheartedly, making squeaking noises, and at some point he had to hold his stomach as it hurt from it. While you were still standing in the same position, quietly looking at him as you were petrified by the ghost he was.

"Still wearing the shirt huh?" he stated proudly once he calmed down, lurking you from your head to your toes while biting his bottom lip.

Fuck.

"What are you doing here? In a girl's dorm? Coming from this room?" you ignored, looking at him suspiciously and, oddly, your heart started to beat quickly in anticipation, as you felt scared of having been deceived by his confession when he could have been a fuckboy like at the pool party.

But as comfortable as he seemed right now, you reasoned yourself and concluded he wouldn't have been doing things with some girl behind this door, or else he would have felt ashamed to confront you. Right…?

"Wowowo calm down Inspector" he joked, his hands coming in front of him as a defense. "We have a study group in here, because we can't talk freely in the library. You wanna check?" he asked with his cocky smile, starting to push the door he hadn't fully closed yet.

"No thanks, are you serious?" you scoffed, your heart finally feeling at ease even if your brain was still processing the fact that Changkyun was a real human being randomly appearing in your life due to circumstances, and not a fucking ghost.

"I don't know, you looked so jealous right now and I want us to be clear" he shrugged, finally closing the gap before leaning his back against the door.

"And why are you the only one coming out if you're a group?"

Y/N SHUT UP!!!!!!

"Because I was hungry and that's kinda boring out there so I made up an excuse" he answered, scratching his eyes at the same time, and he felt glad that you were interested. "Theeeen I realized I forgot my keys in my dorm room, so I have to catch my roommate somewhere on campus before he goes home, it's his dongsaeng's  birthday tonight."

Keys. My keys. Where are my keys? Where is my purse?! You didn't say anything, turning on your heels to face your own door but even if you tried, you couldn't open it from outside anymore.

"What's wrong?" Changkyun asked, taking a few steps towards you to look over your shoulder as you were standing still, your forehead against the blue-painted structure that was laughing at you.

"Keys. I forgot my keys. Inside. I'm fucking screwed." you mumbled, sighing in defeat as you knocked your fist against the panel in frustration.

You heard him chuckle behind you so you faced him again, irritation clear in your eyes, but he didn't move nor felt frightened even if you were really close to one another.

"Where's Sohee?" he tried and you clearly saw he was fighting his urge to laugh.

"SoLhee, and she's in class 'til ten" you replied with a stern voice, your eyelids suddenly becoming heavy as you were growing jaded by the situation.

"A m a z i n g  I swear. We're even in the same situation right now" he smiled before taking off his cap to comb his hair that was messy.

Stop it. His revelation struck you and you looked at him, suddenly reminded of the curse you both were under and that made you stuck together numerous – too much – times. It seemed to you that it was intensifying lately as you had experienced more than simply coming across each other : in less than a week, you already had acquired three coffees and now one damn shirt that was like the dark aura floating around your cursed self.

"Wow, awesome!" you faked enthusiasm, your fists waving in the air cutely before you dropped your arms to your sides heavily, your smile fading as fast it had come.

How doomed you felt for being locked out, but even more with him being and still there beside you, as if he was waiting for you. You had almost two hours to kill, and your stomach screamed at you to go find something to eat instead of knotting it because of Changkyun's presence, so you started to trail your feet towards the elevator.

"W-Where are you going?" he stuttered, surprised by your sudden move.

"To mind my own business, and so should you" you answered without turning around to acknowledge  him, putting your hands in the empty pockets of your jeans.

"My business to mind is right here, so Imma come with it" he replied back as he sped up to pass by you, before walking backwards to look at your annoyed expression he had learned to love.

"Leave me alone Changkyun!"

You were edgy because of his amazed reactions every time you met now, when he hadn't been like that before, as you feared he felt in love just because of chance sticking the both of you together, and that those repeated circumstances were blinding him and forcing him to think you were meant to be. When you had finally stopped thinking like that and had put both of your feet back on the ground, you still had felt your feelings burning for him, and you didn't need to think of fate to feel amazed at his sight every time you randomly met. You were flustered because of him, not because of whatever thing was bonding the both of you. But what about him…?

Once you reached the elevator, you pressed the button and waited for the right moment to push him out of the cabin by surprise, and before he could protest, the doors closed in his face, hushing his voice laced with a laugh. You prayed he wouldn't be down the moment you'd arrived, so that you could lose him in the huge campus to enjoy your time alone. You found yourself laughing joyfully at your own childish behavior, but once you reached the ground zero, your amused self came across his short-of-breath one that was leaning against the wall next to the elevator's entrance, looking at you with disbelief in his eyes.

"You ran? Are you crazy?" you exclaimed as you came out of the cabin, mixed between surprise and annoyance that he still was around you.

"Thought you would get rid of me that easily huh?" he breathed between gasps, then he followed you to the exit as you quickened your pace to get away from him.

"Leave me alone, don't you have keys to look for?" you stopped in your tracks in an empty alley leading to the university's huge gates, lightened by street lights that circled around your silhouette and his, as if you were in the spotlight.

"I don't mind sleeping in the corridor anymore… If I met you again like that, it means I should stay with you" he said in his deep voice, his words barely understandable as he was getting flustered by your beautiful face in the deep night.

He had mentioned it again, and your fears were eating you more and more, even if you tried to listen to your best friend's wise words about how sincere he must be considering all the evidences pointing at it. But as he had talked about how he should stay with you because he had randomly met you, you felt like his choices were guided by nothing more than that, and that there weren't any feelings after all. Maybe you were starting to over think it, way too over, but you were so scared of him.

"You know what? I think I preferred when you resented me, you're being near clingy right now!" you finally exclaimed, louder than what you had wished but it probably was your heart speaking for itself.

Changkyun blinked a few times, surprised at your sudden outburst, but he surprised himself even more when he shouted, as a rush of frustration rose in him :

"Then what do you want me to do?!!!"

You stared at each other silently for a few seconds, and both of you felt your hearts going crazy as something close to regret touched them. But if the both of you had your own concerns, Changkyun starting to wonder if he had been too excited about him liking you and how wonderful he felt about that, he wasn't willing to shut it down another time as he had learned what was the source of you growing apart : the misunderstandings and unsaid.

"To stop trying so hard to get to me, okay? I need time and you're oppressing me!" you responded before he could ask you calmly what was wrong, but your gauge of patience was almost emptied up.

"Oh yeah? That's not what you told me yesterday morning!" he scoffed, feeling slightly hurt at your change of mind.

"I don't know why I said that, but just stop. You can't do as you please when I don't want it, not after all this time." you coldly answered, and you looked at him as he took off his cap once again to ruffle his hair, apparently in irritation as a long sigh escaped his thin lips.

He had to understand you and to remain calm, but it was a hard intern war as his annoyed and frustrated self wanted to curse at you and the coward you were being since he had confessed.

"So that's how you felt when I was denying? I get it…" he mumbled as he nodded, staring at some emptiness into the ground. "But you tell me, Y/N. How can you resent me because I was scared of my feelings and rejected you, when you're doing the exact same thing to me right now?" he then asked, pointing at himself with his ringed index.

He got it, how hurt you must have been as he was feeling hurt at the moment. But he had to do what you hadn't dared to : shake you a little and keep going to you, when you had preserved yourself by turning away from him at some point. Changkyun wouldn't turn away unless he was sure you didn't like him back ; and, right now, he felt that you did, but that you were going to stand on the edge scared to fall in the unknown until he'd prove to you he had already jumped to catch you at the end. And the fact that you were lost for words proved him right, and gave him hope. You were indeed the one being scared and pushing him away, but that was the same behavior he had had all this time – at least if you still believed in his confession.

"Tell me what's really wrong with me being around you, Y/N. And then I'll stop, I just… I might act carelessly, I know… But that's the first time this ever happened to me y'know." he calmly tried without moving an inch, letting you the space along with the time you seemed to need.

Your brows furrowed and you sighed while closing your eyes, some unwelcomed tears forming under your eyelids without you being able to explain why. Maybe it was because you sensed he was willing to listen to you and not pressure you. And with the magical power he only had on you, you were about to unfold your concerns right in front of him even if admitting you were scared was the worst for you.

"You're here talking about chance all the time, and that's so annoying. You can't force it you know, and if that's the only thing that makes you think you like me or the fact that we're always stucked with each other somehow, then you should stop right away because that's lying to yourself." you said, almost without breathing, and you finally opened your eyes.

And here you were again, making assumptions about his state of mind because he had acted carelessly. Changkyun sighed and he took his first step towards you, but not more, his cap now crushed in his hand as he had tightened his grasp around it, his will to make you stop thinking silly things burning his insides.

"I'm using it as an excuse, Y/N." he started, and he saw your traits relax just with this statement. "It's just giving me courage to go to you, without going back because I'm fucking scared of… What you make me… Feel. I don't care, about fate or not, chance or not, misfortune or not. I don't care, I'm just… I'm grateful that now that I have confessed, I have something backing me up and preventing me from being the coward I was before."

He felt his cheeks burning from embarrassment as he had spoken his heart once again because of you, when it was so hard for him to do even with his friends or family.

"You want something from me that hasn't anything to do with fate? Okay." he finished without letting you process the words he had just said, as he was already closing the distance between the both of you until he was a few inches away.

The street lamp was shining upon him, and you felt your lips tingle at the sight of his so close you could only look at them. But soon enough, you couldn't see them anymore as they were on yours, while his hands dropped his hat to place themselves on your cheeks and deepen the kiss he was giving you without you having seen it coming. And if you still hadn't chosen at this point whether you considered him like an angel appearing in your life or the devil itself purchasing you like your shadow, it definitely felt like heaven when you kissed. From the stars you were seeing to the ones invading your body to the point it felt ticklish and thrilled at every edge, it was perfect, and you didn't want it to end as you had waited for this moment to reenact since the pool party 6 months ago. You could feel he had craved for it too from the way he was expiring loudly from his nose, the hot air brushing your face, and when he parted from you, you had the chance to notice he still had his eyes closed for a few seconds as you had kept yours open, due to the surprise.

"That, was me wanting it." he finally said in the deepest voice he ever had, as well as his tone that was so quiet you were the only one who could hear what he was saying.

He took back his hands while still looking at you through hooded eyes, and you felt hotter and hotter the more you lost yourself in them, wanting to take him in your arms and kiss him again without stopping. You liked him so much, too damn much, but then Solhee's words to make him run knocked into your head as well as your pride, and you slightly straightened yourself to hide how flustered you were by a kiss that hadn't been more than three seconds – when it had felt like ten for the both of you.

"I act according to what I want, and the thing up there surely hadn't expected it right?" he smiled and you noticed some sweat forming on his forehead. "So what do you say now? If I oppress you, then I'll stop… If you're sure you don't want nor like me, I'll understand… But you have to tell me, so we can get what's on each other's minds... Instead of ruining everything because we didn't know."

Once again, you were facing a new side of Im Changkyun ; a manly and caring one, and once again, you fell harder for him, every single part of him, everything he did. Yet, you didn't want to rush anything and let yourself get caught so easily after having doubted the second before. You now trusted his words when he had said he'd prove it to you, so you were willing to see a bit more of what he had to show, as what he had just done had already provoked an earthquake inside your whole body.

"Let's grab something to eat." you simply answered, a smile taking its place on your lips before you turned around and started walking again.

Changkyun stopped breathing for a few seconds and once he had your back facing him, he screamed out loud to expel the emotions that had piled up in him. He didn't know himself how he had been able to stand up before you when daring to kiss you had absorbed every ounce of strength in him, leaving him as a piece of marshmallow that was melting and melting due to the fire of emotions burning inside of him. Damn, I'm really good at bluffing.

"So is this our first date?" he finally joked, taking his hat on the ground before jogging behind you, and you chuckled as you shook your head.

"Nope! That's just me taking back my wish for you to stop trying harder…"

Changkyun caught up to your pace and you walked side by side to the exit, a smile pulling at the corner of your lips that were still prickling from the kiss you had shared.

    ***

    "Aaaand... what about the fact that we kissed?" Changkyun finally asked, once you were seated at a fast food making your nose happy to smell the scents of the gross but delicious food on your plate.

You knocked his tibia with your feet under the table as he was sitting in front of you, because you felt flustered by his question and the assurance he had when he talked about it. You wanted to keep your emotions at bay for as long as you could ; because if you listened to your heart right now, you'd already be his.

"You stole it from me, so that doesn't mean anything boy. Who says you're not going to kiss another girl after like the last time you kissed me..." you mumbled before you pecked in your french fries to shove two into your mouth.

"I-I... what?" he scoffed, his eyes rolling at the same time. "You're incredible."

He looked at your starving self eating compulsively and he smiled, not even annoyed by the remark you just threw at him. He actually found it cute that you were still bothered by this, showing him once again you still liked him.

"Alright alright, I'll give you that." he shrugged as he got a hold of his huge hamburger that he placed in front of his mouth.

He opened it wide two or three times without putting the piece of food into it, estimating how much of it would enter and he tilted his head to the side in doubt it ever would. You couldn't hold back your laugh this time, his expressions and unwanted funny actions making him adorable, and Changkyun looked at you with curious eyes, not getting what you were laughing at.

"What? What? What?" he threatened, his chin leveling up each time to defy you.

"You don't realize what you do, huh?" you asked between two chuckles and you ate more fries, shaking your head in disbelief.

He narrowed his eyes but his grumbling stomach prevented him from answering back, as he finally tried to eat his hamburger that had been decomposing itself in his long hands. And as expected, he spilled some sauce on his face and his clothes doing so, making you burst into laughter as you had waited for this moment to come. Changkyun closed his eyes in annoyance and dropped his food before starting to wipe himself without saying a word, but as he looked at his white shirt painted in yellow and red, he sighed in defeat and finally looked at you with your smiling lips around the straw of your drink.

"I think I should stop wearing white around you. Every time I do my shirt does not last long!" he complained, some sauce still on his right cheek and you were pondering between telling him or not.

His remark made you think back of the moment when everything had started between the both of you : had it not been for your clumsiness, you probably would never have met him, you probably would never have been constantly guided to him, you probably would never have been sitting with him right now with your heart beating loudly and your hands aching to touch him.

"I think you should stop being around me" you dared to joke and his face fell until he saw a smile gaining your lips with your teeth showing.

"Wow... If you had been serious, I... I would've kissed you again, looks like that's the only thing that makes you realize you actually like me" he threatened, leaning his left elbow on the table to point at you with his index.

"Yeah sure" you brushed off even if his declaration made your legs go numb – AS ALWAYS THOUGH.

"Don't tempt me."

"Don't get too full of yourself."

"And don't act like you don't care, who said I was a good kisser? Oh right... Y o u."

He was about to take another bite of his hamburger, staring at you with pride in his eyes but when you hit him under the table again, the pain made him miss his perfect calculated mouthful and his nose went right into the piece of junk food.

"Fuck you..." he hissed with his hands full of dirt, and he moaned when he saw he hadn't anything to clean himself up anymore.

He felt ridiculous because you were laughing crazily at his sight, but pity – or guilt – finally took the best of you so you grabbed some of your tissues and you presented it to him in both of your hands. However, you should've known how crazy and unpredictable Changkyun was, as instead of taking the papers, he threw his head right into your hands and wiped it by rubbing it against your palms, his hair brushing your forearms.

"Gross" you quietly said when in reality you were looking at him with surprise in your eyes, the feel of his nose and face in your palm tickling each cell of your skin even with the thin material separating them.

"Nope" he answered as he left the side of his face into your palms, with his eyes almost closed. "Original, I'm not for the cliché of you wiping my face lovingly."

He didn't know why he was acting this way, yet it felt as if his cheek was now glued to your hands so that he couldn't move it from them anymore. His eyelids felt heavy but he could see through his long lashes your thumb that seemed to be trembling, so he smiled, some hot air escaping from his nose.

"I wouldn't have done it anyway." you laughed as you truly wouldn't have, you just had thought about leaving him with the lonely stain he had a few minutes ago. "Now move, I'm not a pillow!" you ordered, waving your fingers that were near his sharp jawline you felt contracting in annoyance.

"Is my head heavy? That means there's a huge brain in it, I knew it! Even the teacher said it to you, remember?" he proudly reminded as he straightened himself in his seat.

You crushed hardly the previoulsy white paper, hoping he would understand your response from this cruel move, and you retired your hands. Changkyun was still smiling until he looked at his poor hamburger with defiance, a pout forming on his reddened lips, as he was scared to eat it again now that he felt like a baby who couldn't eat without an apron. So instead, he decided to wait for you to finish your menu without saying a word, only appreciating sharing such a simple moment in your company for the first time in your relationship. No questions in his head, no will to bash you, no need to run away ; he could stay seated here for hours just to stare at you, in his fucking checked shirt, the silence calming and leaving him dreamy about how bad he wanted you to be officially his.

You finally took your last bite, and while you tried to convince him to finish his own plate – a little fight that you lost the moment he bent over the table and threatened to kiss you if you didn't let it go –, the clock reached 10:30pm when the curfew was at 11. The both of you rushed out of the restaurant, and you got hit by how time had fled really fast with him, eating in silence not even making you uneasy nor being with him for that long.

"See you tomorrow" Changkyun lazily said in his deep voice once you arrived at the dorms, you going to the building on the right and him going to the left one.

You saw in the way he was keeping some distance between the both of you, balancing back and forth on his heels and keeping his hands in his pockets, that he was forcing himself not to do something. Deep down in you, you wished he would ; you wished he would close that distance and kiss you as the reasonable girl you were trying to be couldn't allow herself to, even if she was dying inside from the lack of skinship.

"I guess" you smiled, suddenly growing shy under his stare.

"Oh my goodness this is so hard" he stifled a moan before biting his lip, and you felt chills going down your spine and freezing you into your spot in anticipation.

Kiss me.

"What is?" you asked when you knew too damn well about what he was talking, as you caught him staring at your lips more than a few seconds.

He screwed his cap on his head and sighed, looking away from you as he was fighting the urge to run to you.

"To have left my burger on its plate, I can't stop thinking about it, what have I done?" he joked randomly, a smile on his lips and you laughed, always amazed by his twisted personality.

"I told you... Anyway, sweet dreams about your guilt!" you quickly wished before turning around and starting to walk to your door, as if you hadn't you surely would have waited for him to come to you all night long.

And Changkyun let you go, as he was well aware of your wish for him to go smootlhy, even if it cost him a frustration that made his heart beat indefinitely crazy even once he put himself into bed – thankfully his roommate had seen his pair of keys in their room and he hid it in some shoes in front of the door. He hoped it would help him feel tired, when he was not ; everything was starting to settle between the both of you, and the excitement he felt about it was energizing him to his fullest.

      ***

      Friday. That made it a few hours before you were seeing Hwimin again. The day before had been a calm one ; without a doubt because Changkyun was as shaken as you by the first intimate moment you both had shared, making you feel weird and shy once you came across each other the next morning. Still, he had offered you the cup of your favorite drink – you had waited for it –, the little note written on it making you smile ridiculously : "Ya, here's my number so text me asap : XX…"

You didn't text him, to annoy him as you found it fun when he was frustrated, and because when you had taken your phone into your hands, you hadn't known what to say. This whole situation was weird in a good way but also too fresh and new for you to deal with it naturally, so you chose to wait for your next encounter face to face instead of having to think of it all day by texting him.

The cup of Friday morning left you curious and eager to meet him again as he secretly gave it to Solhee once she was alone, and she passed it to you : "TEXT ME!!!!!!!!! & listen to Hoseok hyung's song at the concert tonight." The music association was indeed going to have a little concert to start off the party, and you had planned to go to it anyway as you really enjoyed music, even more when it was played live. But now, you felt overexcited about it. What about that song? How did Hoseok had anything to do with the both of you?

You didn't even meet Changkyun once in the day, making you wonder if he had been hiding from you or if it had always been like that and you should stop getting obsessed. Maybe both. And as you spent all day long looking for him without wanting to, your eyes always drifting to your surroundings or outside by the windows when you were in class, the evening came sooner than you thought, and the party was only two hours from now. The anticipation finally hit you as Solhee entered the dorm room even more stressed than you, you could tell it from the messy bun she had to redo four times for it not to fall.

"What am I going to wear? What am I going to wear? Ya, what are you wearing Y/N?" she asked as she opened her small closet while you were staring at the empty cups fighting on your nightstand.

Your best friend turned around at your absence of answer and she put her hands on her hips, disturbed by your apparently laid back state when tonight was crucial for you.

"Y/N?" she called, and you nodded at her. "Should I remind you who's coming tonight for you to wake up or…?"

Hwimin. The name got stuck in your throat as your eyes went big ; you almost had forgot about him as you were only thinking of Hoseok's performance you were eager to see now that Changkyun had talked to you about it.

"Yeaaaah that's what I thought. You have to be the most beautiful grown ass and independent woman you've ever been tonight my girl, so that he regrets twice to have left you that dumbass chicken!" she commanded before going to you to take your hands and pull at it, making you stand up in no time and rush to your own closet.

"And how do I do that?" you pouted, still out of your mind that was filled with blurred images of your ex and clear as water ones of Changkyun.

"You. Get. Dressed up. Like. A. Queen. But not too much, it's only an integration party after all… Do you have a compromise between casual and fucking gorgeous?" she asked as she dived into your own closet full of clothes that were starting to fight for space, and you stood behind her.

"Does that even exist?" you wondered out loud, your brows furrowing but a smile on your face as your best friend was funny without even trying.

"You have to make it exist, Y/N! Oh my god you'll have to thank me later for raising you…" she mumbled. "And I need you to be determined girl! There's Changkyun to make head over heels for you too!" she added as her voice got muted by the location of her head between the hangers.

You chuckled, as her determination itself was worth those of five people. You were excited about tonight, yes, but some bad feeling about Hwimin's return in your sight had now started to grow itself into your chest to the point you felt uneasy to go at all. What would you say? What would he say? What did he want?

"And why are you so excited about tonight, hm?" you finally spoke up, patting her back as she was struggling to pull a top out of your messy shelves.

She moaned one last time as she finally got a hold of a few articles hanging around her arm, and she threw them on your bed before clapping her hands in satisfaction.

"You know that guy in law major that I talked to you about but that you've never seen because you and him have no classes in common when I luckily do?" she spoke quickly without breathing, as she combed the baby hair dressed around her face after the effort it had took to find you something to wear.

"Yeeeees…?" you smiled, feeling suddenly excited that your best friend had a goal tonight too.

"Well of course he's coming tonight, and I've decided to take some action you know! I talked to him from time to time, but I have to try to reach him out of class!" she explained before going back to her own closet.

"What about you show me a picture? How come you never had before…"

You saw your best friend's back tense up before your eyes, while her fingers tapped against the open door of her wardrobe and her neck turned red in an instant. You bit back a laugh, because what she wasn't aware of yet, was that you already knew who that handsome man was, and that you definitely couldn't hide something from each other : you had known it from the first time she had talked to you about him a few weeks ago. You just wanted to tease her a little more as seeing her avoiding the subject or growing uneasy about it was making you cackle inside. She was so cute when she was making lame excuses, and even more when she felt guilty.

"I-I… What about later? Let's get ready fir-"

"Solhee-ah. It's Park Gyujeong, isn't it?" you cut her with a sweet voice, wanting to show her you weren't mad at all.

Knowing her by heart, you had guessed why she would hide it from you for the time being, probably scared to hurt you as she had crushed on your ex's best friend. When in fact, you couldn't be happier for her to have find interest in someone – she was so complicated when it came to love, more than you –, moreover in him when last year he obviously had ran after her but she had played hard to get.

"F-For… For how long have you known?" she stuttered, still her back facing you as shame had frozen her into her place.

"Day 1 babe, you can't hide anything from me, sorry!" you joked and she finally looked at you, guilt clear in her teary eyes.

"I'm so sorry…" she broke down into a sob but you quickly grabbed her free hand to calm her down.

"Hey hey hey don't be! I'm not mad at you, not at all! Gyujeong is a sweet guy, and he isn't Hwimin! He wasn't even okay with his decision you know!" you reassured her as you rubbed your thumb against the palm of her hand that was burning.

"Why aren't you mad? I've hidden it from you…" she pouted, her head hung low.

"Why would I be? I'm glad you finally listened to me when I told you he could be a good guy for you" you chuckled and she did too, feeling relieved.

"How did you know…?" she shyly asked, still not looking at you as she sniffled hard to fight a few tears from coming.

"I've seen you like every single one of his Instagram posts lately. Since when have you done that with a guy? You don't even like the ones from your older brother, but when Gyujeong posts a selfie or even a ridiculous picture of a squirrel eating a nut on campus, here solheejolie likes immediately!" you teased and she shook your hand in protest, whines leaving her mouth.

You both cracked into a huge laughter until she suddenly took you in her arms, her chin resting on your shoulder and you could feel her heartbeat calm down second by second.

"I'm so sorry, I should've told you… We're not something yet, but he tries so hard I swear I had no choice but to fall for him… With all the pretty girls around he still hasn't given up on me yet, can you believe that? How come we have charging bulls coming after us you and me?"

You patted her back once again before tightening your arms around her small frame.

"I don't know, but that's better than cowards, hm? Now let's get ready to make them go crazy with our casual but fucking gorgeous style" you answered with a smile and your best friend finally let go of you, a rush of excitement surfing in her whole body.

"Oh yes, let's get ready!”

    ***

    An hour and half, a few debates about what to wear, a makeup and nail-art workshops later, Solhee and you were finally satisfied with your appearances and nothing was taking the smiles away from your lips, not even the thought of reuniting with Hwimin that was still lingering in your mind. The party was held in a rented party room you could went to by taking shuttles departing from the university, and you felt confident as you approached the loud parking where dozens of students were waiting, some taking their own cars and others waiting like you. And as you had expected, a lot of girls had dressed as if they were going to a gala, while most of guys had stayed the same.

You had opted for a velvet camisole in night blue and black, with a pair of black high waisted ankle jeans that could show off your fancy sparkling socks in your platform derbies ; a casual bottom offsetting the sexy of the lacework plunge neck you had, taking your style right where Solhee had wanted it to be. You had put a dark lipstick on as your fatal weapon, and there you were walking hands in hands with your best friend in her simple but chic black playsuit with detailed tights and low boots. You lined before one of the buses that had its motor roaming, and as you turned your head to your right to answer Solhee's question about the location, you finally saw him.

The spark in your chest exploded in those fireworks you were now getting used to, as it seemed like you barely felt alive when you couldn't feel them at least once a day, and you stared at the beautiful man who hadn't seen you yet, while he had already all your attention.

He was freaking handsome, even if he looked quite tensed as his eyes were narrowed and his jaw clenched, and you wondered what was on his mind. Your body had a hard time resisting going through the crowd to stand next to him, but thankfully every bus's doors opened, creating a movement that dragged you towards one of the vehicles and made you lose the sight of him. Your heart beat faster and faster now that you had seen his face again, and you felt bitter to have been deprived from it in the speed of light.

However, your sorrow didn't last long, as once you were seated and your bus was apparently full, a member from the students' association organizing the party appeared up the stairs and asked :

"Is there a remaining place in there? We've got a student who couldn't find one in the other bus!"

The moment Changkyun's head appeared behind him, an annoyed look plastered on his face, your mouth ran dry and your members froze when you had wanted to invite him next to you, willing to take Solhee into your lap. But the latter took action quicker than you as she got up from her seat to go onto a friend's lap in the other row, before screaming : "There! There!" to the boys' attention. Changkyun moved past the guy that had helped him, walking to your seat without thinking twice and not even acknowledging his neighbor that appeared to be you. You sent Solhee a daring look but she only winked at you, mouthing a sly you have so many things to be grateful for, and suddenly he appeared between the both of you, eating all your sight as you still had your chest turned in his direction.

You finally leaned back in your comfy seat, looking outside as you felt shy for an unknown reason – maybe his gorgeous face and outfit that were taking the best of you –, and you even tried to hide your face by sticking it to the window.

"Y/N?" his low voice asked and you slowly turned your head to him before smiling, killing him in an instant.

Changkyun's jaw dropped before he could even prevent it, as your dressed-up self appearing before him was exactly what he had anticipated tonight, as much as he had imagined it a thousand times. Those tinted lips that called for his, this sexy but glam bodysuit that made him gulp, your flowery and fresh perfume that drown him once more into the wave of emotions you made him feel ; everything swayed him in an instant and he instinctively bit his lip to refrain some inappropriate words from coming out of his mouth. Jesus fucking Christ she's marvelous I want to-

"Hi" you finally spoke up, and the both of you looked – or lurked – at each other for a few more seconds, your palms growing sweaty from the proximity as well as your legs starting to tremble because of the inch of his knee touching yours.

The bus started and drove away but this sudden move didn't pop the bubble you both were in, until Changkyun looked away and sighed, expelling his inner desires that were about to make him kiss you right here right now. And I haven't drunk yet…

"What's in there?" you asked, pointing at a leather bag he had in hands and he urged himself to hide it between his legs.

Shit.

"Huuuuh another coat, in case I'm cold" he lied, his heart beating like crazy at the fright of getting caught.

He had something special prepared for you tonight, and seeing you right before the surprise was making him go out his mind and stress about it even more. He couldn't get himself ready mentally anymore, ass he had counted on the bus trip to help him do so.

You only nodded at his response, still looking suspiciously at the bag, but thankfully for him you were too monopolized by the luck you had to be sitting next to him to overthink about its real content.

"Ah right, I should've brought one too…" you regretted as you pressured your hands against your thighs to calm the fuck down.

"You haven't?! So you're going to stay all night with this one small piece of fabric on you?!" he questioned, turning to you with his hands clenched on the armrests and you read some kind of distress in his eyes.

You jumped at his sudden examination that sounded like a scold and his body that got closer to yours made you stick to the window and retreat as much as possible.

"Yeah… yeah. Why? Do you find it ugly?" you worried, looking at yourself with knitted brows.

But seeing him shake his head vigorously from the left to the right reassured you immediately, and you understood it was quite the opposite.

"No no… it's just…" he trailed his words, his eyes falling from yours eyes to your lips to your collarbones where he stopped before falling back in his seat, lifting his hand to rub his nose bridge with his fingers in order to calm the fuck down too.

You hummed to invite him to pursue, and a smile gained your lips as you saw his ears turn to a bright red color, showing obviously the effect you had on him right now.

"Nothing, nothing…" he tried to dodge in a sigh, his eyes drifting to the hallway on its right because if he looked once more at you, he'll lose it.

"Are you drunk? Is it your personal alcohol stock for tonight in that bag?" you teased, amazed to see him grow uneasy just by being near you.

For once, you were the one having an excellent poker face and mastering your emotions.

"What?! No, no I'm… I'm just tired, you know? It'll go once we're there but I'm just tired, yeah, I'm tired, that's different." he corrected, but as he nodded again and again with his eyes closed, it looked like he was just trying to convince himself.

"I got it, you're tired, no need to ramble grandpa" you laughed and you sat comfortably again in your seat, spreading a little bit more your legs so that you really touched his and you felt them tense under the touch, making you fight an urge to laugh more.

Changkyun wasn't looking at you and he was cursing under his breath ; he had to focus, he had to do things right tonight, he had to-

"What about Hoseok's song?" you suddenly asked and Changkyun's eyes grew wide.

"Can we not talk about that please? You'll see!" he moaned as he rubbed his face with his right hand and his brows furrowed, so did yours as you were confused by his attitude.

"Someone's a bit sensitive tonight…" you concluded, a frown on your face and your neighbor quickly caught it from the corner of his eye, feeling a bit sorry to seem rude but he was struggling right now. "Ah no right, you're tired."

And with that, you looked by the window and just let him be, a bit disappointed by this electric encounter as you had been eager to see him again. But it didn't break your good mood, as you had been able to read his mind about what he thought about your looks tonight. Casual and fucking gorgeous, bingo.

  You arrived at the location, a warehouse situated in a deserted industrial zone, and as soon as your feet touched the ground, Changkyun looked over his shoulder and said to your attention :

"I'll see you later."

And with that, he was absorbed by the mass of students going straight to the entrance and you tilted your head, the curiosity eating more and more of the patience you had tried to gather. You entered the warehouse not too long after, and its wideness as well as its club vibe astonished both you and your best friend who started to jump next to you.

You stormed to the stage facing the entrance, going past the cloakroom on your left with two students taking care of people's belongings, going back and forth between the counter and the countless rows of hangers behind them. You didn't even stopped by the bar longing the left wall, where students had rushed to first, as your goal was to be in the front rows tonight, ready to be all eyes on whatever Hoseok was going to do and all ears for whatever he was going to sing. You were destroying Solhee's hand in yours, but the girl couldn't care less as all she did was the same, looking around the both of you to track her pray for the night that hadn't appeared yet.

Ten minutes later, all the lights went off except the colorful but warm spotlights lightening the stage, and you screamed along with the other spectators that were excited to see the show tonight. Once the little concert started, you felt your heart squeeze every time the song changed but without Hoseok – nor Changkyun in the public – to be seen, but you tried as well as you could to enjoy the performances of the talented musicians and singers that were covering lively songs to warm you up.

Suddenly, the world stopped spinning around you when you recognized the muscular guy entering the stage, a beanie on his bleached hair and a leather jacket on that suited him well, and his bright smile seemed to absorb every single particle of light that was in the room. You put your hand on your heart as you anticipated whatever Changkyun wanted you to see tonight, and then the musicians started playing, a melody everybody knew including you, catching your breath in your throat.

 I know your insides are feeling so hollow

And it's a hard pill for you to swallow, yeah

But if I fall for you, I'll never recover

If I fall for you, I'll never be the same

 I really wanna love somebody

I really wanna dance the night away

I know we're only half way there

But you can take me all the way, if you take me all the way

I really wanna touch somebody

I think about you every single day

I know we're only half way there

But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way

 All the shouts and all the voices singing along shut down around you as the only sound you could hear was Hoseok's sweet voice, that married too damn well with the song Love Somebody by Maroon 5, and you were frozen into your place as you faced the happy boy. The more you listened to the lyrics, the more your brows furrowed and your members started to quiver as you getting a hold of why Changkyun had wanted you to pay attention to this song in particular ; but somewhere in the corner of your head, you couldn't believe it. Could the lyrics be… For me? No… Yes?

 You're such a hard act for me to follow

Love me today don't leave me tomorrow, yeah

But if I fall for you, I'll never recover

If I fall for you, I'll never be the same

 Those last two sentences sounded wrongfully right in your ears, reminding you of how sorry Changkyun had been for acting like a coward with you and towards his own feelings, and for the first time in your life, you could identify to a song perfectly, almost hearing the guy you liked whisper those words to you. You started to look around you for any sign of him, a need to see his face and ask him if your guesses were right aching in every part of your quivering and weakening body, but the crowd was too thick for you to see anything or go through it. And even if you had, you wouldn't have found him as Changkyun wasn't among the public.

 I really wanna love somebody

I really wanna dance the night away

I know we're only half way there

But you can take me all the way, if you take me all the way

I really wanna touch somebody

I think about you every single day

I know we're only half way there

But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way

 I don't know where to start, I'm just a little lost

I wanna feel like we're never gonna stop

I don't know what to do, I'm right in front of you

Asking you to stay, you should stay, stay with me tonight, yeah

 "And shout out to my man… I.M!!!!" Hoseok suddenly screamed in his microphone at the end of the bridge, and under your doe-like eyes appeared the guy you liked on stage, a black shirt on revealing his collarbones in a sexy way that killed you and shook you to the core, but it was nothing compared to the splash of emotions colliding inside your head and against your heart the moment he started rapping.

Rapping about how hard he had fell for you ; rapping about how sorry he was for being late to realize it but hoping he wasn't too late ; rapping about how you both were destined, so he couldn't stop himself from wanting you ; rapping about how weak you made him feel but also stronger every time you looked at him ; rapping about how beautiful he found you ; rapping about how ready he was to be yours and how he wasn't afraid to love you anymore ; rapping about how he was eager to fight for you ; rapping about how he hoped you'd say yes after that.

 “... I’m here rapping my heart out so you can get me

I hope you’ll chose me if you ever wanna love somebody

Girl, take me all the way to our ending together

Girl, take every single bit of me, and make it better.”

 You hadn't detached your eyes from his beautiful silhouette on stage. From his manly moves to his deep killing voice ; from his sincere words to his eyes landed on you once he had found you and that didn't lose their focus after that ; from the sweat drooling on his body to the water he had put under your eyelids ; you loved everything about him, and if this was his proof to you, then you were glad you had waited before accepting him. He couldn't have seduced you more than by confessing to you through a song, even more by surprising you twice as he knew how to rap, more than well. And the loud cheers he earned once he ended his verse were showing how talented he was ; but Changkyun couldn't care less, as he wanted to hear praises from you, and you only, along with your acceptation of his confession.

He got down from the stage and immediately squatted behind, his legs wobbling after the amount of pressure and of emotions he had felt by seeing you watching him with stars in your eyes and a smile brighter than the sun. He did it. He did it, and he hoped you had received his arrow right into your heart, even if he would make up some more to shoot again and again if this wasn't enough for you. Until you were his, or until he'll knew for sure he was targeting the wrong person. The song came to an end and he got up on both of his feet, and his hyung came to congratulate him while he thanked him for having accepted this challenge, and after a quick hug, Changkyun went out of the changing rooms to find you.

You were doing the same, leaving Solhee behind that was as shaken as you by this love declaration worthy of a film, and the beating of your heart was so loud in your ears that you didn't hear the one you were looking for calling your name behind you. Until he got so close that when you turned around, you gasped loudly as his nose almost brushed yours. You took a little step back – with difficulty as there was people surrounding you – and you bit your lip at his wonderful sight, still wet with his hair now combed in the back and his brows furrowed.

"Did you listen well?" he shouted, but you still had your heartbeat filling up your ear-drums as well as the next song played on stage so you didn't hear what he said.

"What?!"

Changkyun repeated once but seeing you didn't react and only laughed, he took you by the hand and guided you to a door in the right corner of the warehouse, leading outside where a smoking room had been improvised – a square of barriers in front of the wire mesh delimiting the industrial zone from a forest. The cold of the night doubled the amount of chills covering your skin, but the fire coming from your hand in his was making you deal with it.

"What did you say in there?" you asked once again.

"Did you listen well?" he replied back, his eyes on you as if you were going to disappear before him in a minute.

A bunch of students got out of the room and congratulated him, and you saw him smile shyly before he dropped your hand to scratch his neck.

"Of course I did." you answered quietly, still a smile on your lips which was starting to make your cheeks ache.

Changkyun nodded and you saw he was shared between relief and disappointment at such a short answer to something so big he had just done for you.

"Thank you. It meant a lot to me." you added, even if it was hard for you to admit it as a part of you was still scared of letting your feelings out so openly.

Changkyun chuckled and he finally sighed out of contentment, before looking at you and those tinted lips he was craving to kiss in reward for his effort. You need to be patient.

"Nice outfit by the way, was that the real content of the bag?" you teased.

"Yes… Hoseok asked me to wear this, I don't know why…" he rolled his eyes and a blush appeared on his cheeks you wanted to take into your hands. What was stopping you from doing it anyway?

"This boy has a good taste in fashion, I've already noticed it!"

"You like that?" he wondered as he showed you the belt around his waist with a frown on his face.

"Yes, I find it kinda cool…" you trailed as your eyes were, in reality, focused on his bare torso revealed under the unbuttoned shirt, as well as the silver chain hanging around his neck that made it look even more attractive.

"Weird… But thanks. I'm still going to go change quickly, wait for me right here, okay?"

He was beautiful, no ; handsome, and you didn't want him to leave your sight right now, but you nodded as you had all night long to spend with him. And if not tonight, all the rest of your time, as your heart was now about to let him enter it gently, not in a rush ; even if his performance had trespassed the numerous obstacles you had put before the entrance –  in vain. You liked him, you liked him, you wanted him, and as you were repeating those sweet words to yourself as they couldn't be said yet, Changkyun disappeared after checking on you one last time.

    ***

    You were trying to remember the lyrics he had rapped, willing to keep every single word coming from his heart into yours, and you didn't notice the two familiar silhouettes approaching the warehouse's entrance at the same time. They stopped in their tracks as they caught you in their sight, a dreamy smile on your face while you were playing with your fingers, so you weren't aware of Hwimin's rush of panic once he saw you, in your well-chosen outfit, while his best friend nudged him gently for him to go to you.

"What do you want me to do? I'll go to her later!" he hissed, and Gyujeong sighed before shoving him with more force.

"C'mon! You're such a coward I swear!" he finally replied back as his best friend didn't move an inch, taking his time to admire in secret the girl he stupidly had left, for as long as he could.

The moment you'd meet again, he won't be allowed to look at you the way he was right now, he knew that too damn well and that was what he regretted the most.

"Y/N!" Gyujeong called and Hwimin snapped his head on his right to look at his best friend as if he was going to kill him with his eyes, to what the taller boy answered by shrugging and smiling mischievously.

The echoing of a familiar voice pierced the bubble you had been in, and when you focused your eyes on a boy who was waving in the distance, you felt as if the sky had fell down on your shoulders. Still sensitive because of the sparkling feelings Changkyun had settled into you and deployed through your numb body, you weren't in the best condition to see him again right now. Hwimin was standing next to Gyujeong who had called you and was smiling at you, while your ex-boyfriend looked in retreat and as shaken as you the second your eyes met. Piece by piece, the picture of his face reconstituted in your head and in every single one of your memories where it had been kind of blurred, becoming clear in an instant and making you feel dizzy at his sight.

Why did it hurt in some way? Why had your legs been about to go to him instinctively and leave the comfortable spot Changkyun had left you in? However, chance had always been in favor of a relationship between Im Changkyun and you, as the latter came back right on time with his black turtleneck on along with his burgundy suede jacket, and he posted himself right in front of you, blocking the majority of your view of Hwimin. You gasped at his sudden appearance and narrowed your eyes as if you had been blinded by some kind of light, and you caught the worry into Changkyun's eyes.

"Are you okay? Let's go inside, you're freezing" he said as his burning hands brushed your naked arms, running down the both of them and leaving their marks as trails of chills traced themselves after their touch, then he got a hold of your left hand.

Changkyun felt brave enough to bait some skinship with you now, and seeing you accept him stimulated him even more, though he still had to go step by step as you had asked from him. You were looking over his shoulder, Hwimin still in the same spot and apparently staring at the both of you, and you felt your heart constrict because of the uneasy situation you felt trapped in. Changkyun was about to turn around to understand what you were looking at with so much interest, not even disturbed by his fingers wrapped around yours, but you had to take action before he could see and bury you into the grave of discomfort :

"Changkyun-ah."

You saw his surprise at your sudden call out, his brows going up and his back suddenly straightening up, but having your eyes on him once again soothed him in some way.

"Hm?" he invited you to continue. "Are you okay?" he reiterated as he tried to turn his head once again to look over his shoulder.

"Look at me." you ordered shyly, as for some unknown reason, you didn't want him to know who Hwimin was as well as the reverse.

Those few words swayed Changkyun and he interpreted them as some kind of green light when in reality they were pronounced out of panic, and feeling your hand squeezing his, he got closer to you, starting to bend down and you understood he was about to kiss you from the way he was looking at you with lust. But you wanted your very first kiss to be pure, truer than you feeling stressed out while sharing this special thing, and right now you couldn't. You couldn't hurt Hwimin by kissing another one in front of him when you hadn't even reunited yet ; you couldn't hurt Changkyun by being anywhere but here with him when this act was supposed to be the most meaningful one in your relationship.

Hwimin was still standing there as he was waiting for something to happen, and when it didn't, he unexpectedly started to walk to you as curiosity – and some jealousy – was urging him to barge into this somehow intimate moment. But having a confrontation between the both of them right at the beginning of the party felt like it would be the end of you, so in a state of panic, you pulled at Changkyun's hand and dragged him along with you inside the warehouse to hide.

"Okay so what was that rush for?" Changkyun asked in your ear once you were far enough from the smoking room, and through the windows you saw Hwimin turn around to walk back to the warehouse's main entrance.

You sighed one last time before your throat definitely tightened as you felt you couldn't lie to him.

"To be honest…It was because my ex was there. He was going to come and-"

"What?"

Changkyun immediately let go of your hand and he turned around abruptly, but as he didn't know what the guy looked like, he stopped before looking at you again, and he could see you were growing smaller and smaller even in the darkness.

"I don't know how to explain-"

"You don't know how to explain what? How you just avoided kissing me because of your ex being here? How do you want me to take that Y/N? Are you ashamed of him seeing you with me? Or maybe you don't want to kiss me in the first place now that he's here? Are you taking your revenge for the pool party?" he burst out, hurt as well as anger clear in his darkening eyes.

Changkyun was even more panicked than you ; he was scared you would go back to him when he had been that close to have you, he was scared he had done everything for nothing so that he'd be disgusted by love forever, and that made him spill nonsense.

"What?! No! Why are you bringing this up?!" you protested, shouting out loud to be heard above the dancing music.

"And why are you bringing your ex up when you said you didn't care about him like that anymore?!"

His words knocked into your head as they sounded familiar, and a wave of confusion hit your brain. Did he hear my conversation with Gyujeong…?

"W-What? How do you know about that…? You heard everything on Monday?" you asked in a lower and trembling voice.

"Yes I did, why? You wished I wouldn't have?" he shouted, his face falling deeper and deeper into something unreadable, and you hated that.

"Why are you getting so mad at me?" you weakly protested, hot flashes suffocating you as you were frustrated of not being able to explain yourself clearly, and as he was scaring the hell out of you by exploding unexpectedly.

"Because I'm fucking serious about tonight, it took me a lot to do what I've done for you and now you tell me that, so excuse me but yes this is making me crazy right now!"

Words were mingling inside your mind and you were wondering why you couldn't fight much more when you wanted to. Maybe that was how unprepared you had been to face Hwimin, as you hadn't thought you would be that affected by having to deal with the two men you had been the closest to in your life, in the same place and at the same time. But what was clear and noble in your mind hadn't come right from your mouth, and Changkyun losing it was letting you out of words. You just wanted to go away from this party with him right now, as you just had admitted to yourself you were in love with him, as you were still drunk in love by the words he had poured from his mouth and heart for you, but you needed to deal with your feelings calmly, and Hwimin's apparition had torn everything apart.

"I am serious too!" you only managed to say.

"Oh really? I don't think so, or else you would've kissed me without second thoughts! You know what Y/N? If you're not sure about your feelings for me or for him, then don't get me involved in this because at least I am. I… I can't believe you." Changkyun snapped back, his deep voice cutting you as well as his harsh words.

He gave you one last tormenting look and he disappeared in the crowd once again, anger clearly boiling through his veins as he pushed past people abruptly. And as he got out of your reach, the fear of losing him definitely caught you and you cursed at yourself for not having been able to plead your cause more fervently. He hadn't listened to you…

Where is he? you asked yourself as you looked around the warehouse, your mind dizzier than if you had drank thousands of glasses of alcohol.

    To be continued…

    A/N : Wowowo that suspeeeeensssssse… What's going to happen with this love triangle? Hahaha I'm stopping! Thank you for reading as always, I'll put the last (normally) part as soon as possible, hoping law school doesn't end me or else you'll be on standby forever…

[rantingfangirl]

Cross Life Chapter Five

Summary: Moving across the pond was supposed to signify new beginnings for the Kirkland family. Arthur’s parents seemed to take that a bit too literally for his liking.

Chapter Index

This was moved from my old account

Like every good and successful plan, he needed allies. Ones who would be alibis if needed and would do and say things that he might need to be done later.

Not that they would need to know the specifics- or even the basics- of the plan. Arthur would take care of that part.

They were at lunch, talking about teachers, memorable classmates, and rumored future projects. Lukas was, unfortunately, absent, Vlad telling him to get used to it because while the occurrence was not common, it wasn't uncommon, either. However, his absence gave Arthur the perfect opportunity to speak with Vlad.

"So, tell me about this Mathias Kohler that has captured the heart of our dear Lukas." A bit dramatic, but it got the job done. He took a sip of his water, swishing it around before swallowing. The three had quickly established a system, deciding to take turns supplying lunch for each other. Today just happened to be his day. Snatching a large bag of crisps from the pantry and water bottles from the refrigerator was easy enough.

Vlad dug through the bag. "Well, uh... he's on the so- football team." He and Arthur shared a grin after his close slip-up.

He clapped his hands together, suddenly serious. "If you were to take a golden retriever puppy and turn it into a human, it would look, sound, and act like Mathias. No joke. He's a pure golden boy." Arthur chuckled at the joke, Vlad joining in.

Arthur took another sip from his drink. "So why does Lukas like the 'Human Golden Retriever'?"

Vlad snorted, staring off to the side. "I don't even know. Lukas already had a crush on 'im by the time we met. I do know, though, that Lukas joined the orchestra in the fourth grade because he heard that Mathias was thinkin' about it."

Arthur laughed- surprisingly genuine- at the thought of a fourth grade Lukas lugging around a heavy instrument, just to be with his crush.  At first look- or at the first meeting, even- Lukas didn't seem like the type to do something like that just to be with someone. He didn't seem like the type to have things as fragile and silly as a crush in general.

It seemed to show just how little Arthur really knew about reading people.

Arthur's laughter slowed down to a chuckle. Vlad sighed, scratching the back of his neck. He suddenly perked up, making a small, "Oh!", before smiling. He scooted towards Arthur, leaning in, cupping his hands around Arthur's ear.

"Don't tell anyone- especially Lukas- that I ever told you this." Hot air tickled the shell of his ear, and Arthur suppressed a giggle. He leaned closer, curious of what he was going to say. "There was a small rumor, though it went away pretty quick, that Mathias was only considering, but decided that he was going to join when he learned that Lukas signed up."

Arthur leaned back, eyes wide. He covered his mouth with his hand, his snickering muffled. Romance stories were always a soft spot of his, especially ones that involved secret want from both sides. This situation was certainly turning out to be entertaining, and Arthur wanted to get every detail he possibly could. "Ah... so mutual pining?"

Vlad nodded, his smile smug as he spoke. "Mutual pining. Exactly."

The two shared another laugh, reveling in their friend's fruitless attempt at a love life. They continued talking about Lukas' past failures to win the heart of Mathias, Arthur keeping note of each and every bit of information in case he needed it in the future. He had learned long ago that the secrets of his allies were much more valuable than that of his enemies. After all, as he had found, loyalty was harder to keep than hatred.

When the bell rang, Arthur was already rolling up the bag of crisps, shoving it into the front pocket of his backpack. Vlad was milling around, whistling some repetitive tune as he waited for Arthur to finish.

The two started walking towards the concrete stairs, Arthur to choir and Vlad to English. At around the third step, however, Arthur paused, grabbing Vlad's shoulder when he kept on going. Vlad made an "oomph!" as he was pulled back, but didn't say anything as he turned around, eyes filled with worry and confusion.

Arthur averted his eyes, stepping one foot down to the second step. "Uh..." He acted as if he was considering how to word his sentence, even though in reality he had already had it planned out. He made himself seem unsure, pausing a few times as he spoke in an effort to drive the point home. "Er- I'm not sure if you want to do this- and if you don't, that's... perfectly fine, but-" Arthur ran his hands up and down the straps of his backpack, adjusting his footing a tiny bit. "-would you like to work together to hook them- Lukas and Mathias, I mean- up? Maybe?"

He winced, expecting Vlad to decline, to say that it would be too much meddling in his friend's love life.

But instead of a frown, of a look of disgust at Arthur's suggestion, Vlad smiled brightly, clapping his hands together rapidly. "Yes, of course! Lukas deserves to be happy, and this'll be so much fun!"

Arthur hid his shock. He expected Vlad to have more respect for Lukas' privacy and love life, but if it was going to make his plan go that much faster, it was best.

He smiled, trying his best to match Vlad's. "That's great! Um... I was thinking that maybe we could... form a strategy at my place?"

Vlad nodded enthusiastically. "Yup, of course!"

"Wonderful! Could I meet you in the parking lot after the last bell?"

"Yeah. See you later!" Vladimir patted Arthur on the shoulder roughly before heading up the stairs. Arthur watched him go, giving a small, quick wave when he looked back.

Arthur tried to not look too smug as he made his way to choir, but it was something he just couldn't help. His plan was starting off smoother than he could've hoped for. He smirked, before beginning to run up the stairs.

Just s they had decided earlier, Vlad stood in the parking lot, lifting his heels off the ground, up and down and up and down, smiling energetically. His smile widened when he saw Arthur, raising his hand to wave. "Arthur! Are ya ready?"

"Yeah, let's go."

The normally quiet walk home was loud, filled with whatever topics Vlad had quickly thought up. They avoided the topic of Lukas and Mathias, though Arthur just assumed that they were saving it for later. Arthur supposed it was a nice change, though one he could do without, as he was giving up the only time where everything was silent and he could be alone. It was for the sake of his plan, however, so he guessed that he could be throw away one measly afternoon, even if it was done begrudgingly.

When they finally arrived at Arthur's house, he stopped to let Vlad take it all in. His eyes were wide, mouth gaped with the feeling of seeing a friend's living space for the first time. Vlad turned his head side to side, taking in the grass that badly needed a fresh trim, rows of bunches of flowers beginning to wilt, and the sad, pathetic tree that was one bad storm away from toppling over.

Arthur realized just how disgusting his front yard was and how little his family tried at making it look somewhat decent. Sure, it was like this the day they moved it, but that doesn't excuse it. He cringed, not bothering to elaborate when he saw Vlad staring at him, eyebrows raised, from the corner of his eye.

He considered turning around, telling Vlad that they could find someplace else to figure it out. Sure, it would make him look bad, but it was better than going into his house and risking seeing his family. Arthur turned around to tell Vlad that they were leaving when he saw the sky.

An angry mix of gray and black was swallowing up the cloudy blue in the distance. The wind, he noticed, was starting to pick up, softly pushing his fringe into his eyes. He pushed it out of the way, silently cursing at his horrible luck. It was going to rain. A storm, at the worst.

Arthur cleared his throat, resigning himself to his fate as he adjusted the straps to his backpack. "Right... let's go." He hoped Vlad would just shut up and follow him, as he no longer felt the need or want for any conversation.

Fortunately, Vlad didn't say a single word, waiting patiently as Arthur reached for his keys to unlock the door. As he pushed the door open, lifting his head up, he froze. Arthur cursed, choosing a word that was especially filthy and crude, contemplating on whether or not he should turn around, grab Vlad's hand, and run away as fast as he could.

There, standing behind the marble kitchen island, pouring milk into her now overflowing mug of tea, was his mother. Her eyes were wide as she took Arthur and Vlad in, especially the latter, but snapped out of it when she noticed her mug. "Oh, damn!"

She tried to whisper but instead failed spectacularly by yelling it. Arthur turned and gave Vlad what he hoped to look like a look of pure exasperation, before making his way towards the kitchen and, unfortunately, his mother.

Though it would make more sense to immediately turn right for the stairs, Arthur had to make a good impression for Vlad. He also wanted to get the crisps out of his backpack and into the pantry where they belonged, but that was beside the point.

"Good afternoon, mum." She was trying to drink down her tea, which must've been disgusting, considering the amount of milk in it. He raised an eyebrow as she slurped it down with a cringe while simultaneously wiping the counter down, but decided not to say anything about it. "Didn't expect you to be home so early."

"Mh." She stuck her pointer finger up in the universal sign to wait, drawing away from the mug with a gasp. "Apparently we get half days the last Monday of every month."

"Oh, that's nice. And convenient." He bit his lip, struggling to keep the temptation of calling her words bullshit away. She was lying, he knew it. She had probably come home early to chew him out for something that he didn't even do but had to quickly make something up when she saw Vlad walk in. "I've never heard of a place that's done that before."

"Well, apparently mine does." She set down her mug, jerking her head towards Vlad. "Who's your friend?"

Arthur opened his mouth, prepared to tell her that it was none of her business and to keep to herself when Vlad stepped forward. he smiled, hand extended, cocking his head to the side in a way that Arthur had to admit was charming. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Kirkland. Vladimir Popescu. It's a pleasure to meetcha."

She took his hand, shaking it, and immediately went to cradle her mug. She smiled, though Arthur could easily tell that it was forced. "Likewise. Arthur has told me so much about you."

Another lie. Arthur had never felt the need to inform his parents about his social life, and even if he did, they would just assume that he was making it all up. Like they always had.

"Oh, really?" Eyebrows raised, he turned to Arthur. "Thanks!"

He had to get out of here. They had to get out of here. The conversation was rapidly turning south, and any longer his mother would start asking questions that didn't need to be asked. And there was a possibility that Vlad would do the same thing. He wasn't going to stick around to find out the answers to those questions.

Slinging his backpack onto the floor and unzipping the front pocket, Arthur pulled out the bag of crisps. his mother watched him with a raised eyebrow as he walked over, pulling the door open and all but throwing the bag into the pantry. It hit a shelf, bouncing off and landing on the floor with a crunch. Vlad snickered. Without evening bothering to pick up the bag, Arthur slammed the door shut.

"Come on, Vlad." Arthur zipped his backpack up before grabbing his wrist and dragging him out of the kitchen.

Vlad dug his heels against the hardwood as he was tugged away,  gripping onto the doorway. "It was nice meetin' ya, Mrs. Kirkland!"

"Nice meeting you as well, Vladimir. Are you planning on staying for dinner?" Her lips were pursed, her eyes slightly narrowed. Arthur would surely hear it after Vlad left.

Arthur prayed to any powerful deity out there that Vlad would give him the mercy of saying no. That his mother would accept the fact that he said no. That after they figure out a way to hook up Lukas and the human golden retriever, he would leave and go home and they could be done with it.

But, of course, Arthur's life never turned out the way he hoped. "Uh... sure. I'll text my mom."

"Wonderful."

Arthur tipped his head back, quietly groaning at the thought of the evening to come. He didn't say anything to Vlad. Didn't mention the pure Hell he had managed to get himself into.

He just hoped his "friendship" wouldn't be ruined at the words of his parents.

Arthur threw his backpack into the corner of his bedroom, Vlad cautiously doing the same. Both bags hit the wall with a thump, though they didn't pay any mind to it.

Their walk up to his room was eventful, to say the least. Vlad stopped at every photo, asking about family. Arthur didn't mind, as long as he didn't get too nosy. About half way there, Peter came barreling up the steps, pushing the two out of the way before locking himself in his room. Vlad made a comment about how Peter reminded him of his own brother, but Arthur doubted it. Peter was the brattiest of them all.

He motioned for Vlad to sit on his bed as he searched for a notebook. Vlad kicked off his shoes before plopping himself down on the foot of the bed. "Your mom is really nice."

Arthur froze his rummaging through his messy closet. He turned towards Vlad, giving him a surprised look before continuing his search. "Yeah, I suppose she is."

He knew that in actuality, his mother's kindness only extended to guests and family members she didn't see monthly. To him, to his father, to his brothers, she acted like an angered Kraken. The way that woman could go from evil and malicious to kind, polite, and courteous always confused Arthur. He figured it was some particular talent of hers that he didn't inherit. Though, if he were to be truthful, he wasn't unhappy about it.

With a loud, "Aha!", Arthur pulled out a spare, blank notebook. He chucked it over to Vlad, who caught it after a few stumbles, and grabbed two mechanical pencils from the top of his desk.

Arthur jumped onto his bed, next to Vlad, it groaning in protest as he was pushed up and then back down. He crisscrossed his legs, kicking off his shoes to pile on top of Vlad's, and slapped his hands on his knees.

"Ok. How are we going to start this?" He tossed a bright red mechanical pencil over to Vlad, who started vigorously pressing down on the eraser.

After a bit of lead poked out of the bottom, Vlad scribbled onto the blank header: The Lukas Bondevik Love Initiative. Arthur embarrassingly giggled at the name, covering his mouth in an attempt to block and hide it. Vlad smiled a toothy grin as he did so, passing the notebook back to Vlad.

He started tapping his pencil against the paper, tipping his head back to stare at his ceiling. "Uh..."

Arthur had already planned out some of this in his later classes, though he didn't bother telling Vlad about it. "Erm. I was thinking that maybe we could do something that involves Lukas' interests? It could make him more willing to do it, and it would also give Mathias some sort of a clue if he were to come sniffing."

Vlad nodded along, eyes wide, a smile growing wider as Arthur went along. When he reached the end of his explanation, Vlad was nodding quickly. "Yeah! That sounds like a good idea."

The idea came to him in the middle of choir, Mr. Vargas having decided that they needed a quick solfege review. The only problem was that Arthur had no idea what Lukas was interested in. Sure, they were friends, or, at least, Vlad claimed they were. But Arthur had known the two only for about a week. Lukas was a mystery to him. He barely talked about himself, and barely even talked to Arthur. He was still a potential ally, however, and one that Arthur needed, so he supposed he would let it slide.

"Tell me everything he likes." He tried to sound like he at least knew some of what he was asking, and Vlad seemed convinced, bopping his head side to side.

"Uh... orchestra, obviously." Arthur nodded in agreement. "He likes Mathias- once again, obviously."

Arthur smirked, snorting at Vlad's comment. "Some of his hobbies?"

Vlad rested his head on his palm, tapping his fingers against his cheekbones. After about a minute, his eyes widened and he perked up. "Oh, oh! Lukas is really interested in Norse mythology."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Really? Norse mythology?" He didn't seem to be the type.

"Yeah! It's all he reads. Haven't you seen that big giant book he lugs around every day?"

He knew the book. If Arthur had a habit of keeping books until their pages were yellow, Lukas had one of keeping them until they were nothing but scraps. The book must've been more than a thousand pages, the width longer than Arthur's entire index finger. The gold and blue paint of the cover was beginning to fade, part of the edges chipped off, and the binding looked as if it were two more reads from disintegrating.

Arthur didn't know why he still kept the thing. It looked old, ancient, and was close to falling apart. He asked Lukas one day why he didn't just break down, throw it away, and buy a new copy, but that only led to him being shunned the rest of the lunch period and half of the one the next day.

"Ok, so that's something someone could use to identify him. Maybe we could do something involving that?"

"We would need an actual plan before we could even begin to incorporate it."

Sighing, Arthur swung his pencil between his fingers, the eraser thumping against his thigh. He cupped his chin in his free hand. covering his mouth with his pointer finger. "I've no clue..."

They sat like that for a while, staring off into space to try and find something that could help their friend. The room was silent, save for the tapping of Arthur's pencil and whatever Peter was doing in his room.

After about twenty minutes, Arthur's back slouching and aching, Vlad perked up, snapping his fingers. "I've an idea."

Arthur uncrossed his legs, sore from sitting in the same position for so long. "Shoot."

Vlad leaned forward, cupping his hands over his knees. "Ok, so Norse mythology is basically Vikings, right?" he waited until Arthur nodded to continue. "So, we dress up as Vikings, fake, braided beards, horned helmets, fur coats, y'know, stuff like that, and we walk up to Mathias and sing an epic love song. Well, Lukas will. You and I will provide the chorus and afterward, Lukas will ask Mathias if he would like to go on a date with him. Mathias won't be able to say no!" Vlad waved his hands around as he spoke, most likely in an attempt to add more emphasis.

Arthur looked at him as if he were crazy, which was probably true. "That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard."

Vlad deflated, his pout making him look like a disappointed toddler. "Why?"

He threw his hands up. "For godsakes, Vlad, you've known Lukas for- what?- years? You think he'll actually go for something like that?"

The fool actually seemed to consider it. He huffed, crossing his arms together. "You're right. If anything, he'll run away before the first verse."

Arthur nodded. That definitely sounded like something Lukas would do.

At the look on Vlad's face, Arthur decided he needed to do some ego fluffing. Scooting closer to the other, Arthur patted his shoulder exactly three times. "Sorry for being so blunt. That was a really creative idea, but I just didn't think it would fit with our circumstances. For coming up with something like that, and so quickly, too... you're really talented."

Of course, he meant none of that, perhaps beside the fact that it was creative. How Vlad managed to come up with that was beyond him.

Vlad's eyes sparkled. With what, Arthur wasn't even going to try to figure out. "That's okay." Groaning, he leaned back against the wall, folding his arms behind his head to create a pillow. The loon in his eyes was gone. "What're we gonna do~?"

Arthur ignored his friend's antics in favor of brainstorming. he clicked lead into his pencil, drawing a line down the middle and writing "Not To Do" on the top of one half. Lukas was extremely shy, even more so with Mathias, so anything up front and close would be off-limits. That included song singing, flowers and a note, asking friends to hook up, walking up and flat out asking, and a nerdy love equation thing.

Deeming himself finished with that column, he went to the other half, titling it "Possibilities". He stared at that half, wishing that a twelve-page list would magically appear. If that were to happen, he and Vlad would only have the problem of picking one to go with.

What seemed like hours ticked by, spent by them staring at that paper. Occasionally, one of them would propose something, only for it to be shot down by the other, followed by a lengthy explanation why. Arthur had learned more about Lukas Bondevik in those last few hours than he had in the past week.

Eventually, they were summoned for dinner. The food was good, for Kirkland family standards, meaning his mother must've tried harder than usual this time around. Vlad ate it and accepted when he was offered seconds, so he most likely enjoyed it as well. The whole thing was terribly awkward, however, with his parents quickly turning it into an interrogation. But where Arthur would've started snapping, Vlad stayed calm, smiling his way through even the toughest questions. Peter, thankfully, had decided to keep his mouth shut for the majority of the dinner.

When they returned upstairs, they went back to staring at the blank half, which is what they were currently doing.

Arthur groaned, pushing his fingers through his hair. One thing. He- no, they- just need one tiny idea that they could branch off of. One little idea, and then they would be airborne.

He racked his brain one last time, going back to Vlad's idiotic plan from earlier when he found nothing. It really was stupid. Viking uniforms. Lukas singing a song with him and Vlad as backup-

Backup. That was it. Arthur straightened his back, his eyes wide. Every single plan that they had come up with so far- besides Vlad's, of course- had Lukas doing all or most of the work. Buying flowers. Stalking him to learn his hobbies and likes and eventually working those to his advantage. Asking the teacher for an out-of-school tutor and recommending Mathis for the job. All of it with Lukas doing everything.

So what could they do? Vlad was creative. Eccentric. So he could surely come up with something to decorate and add on to whatever they were doing. Arthur prided himself with his writing, had done so for years, and-

"Oh my god, oh my god, Vlad." Leaning against the wall, the boy had begun to doze off, or at least, until Arthur grabbed his shoulder and started shaking it back and forth.

Vlad winced, leaning forward, rubbing his eyes lethargically. "What?" His voice was quiet, small, as if he planned to go back to sleep after whatever "minor" thing Arthur was going to say. "What is it?"

"I've got an idea." He wrote down the concept on the blank half- only to fill the stupid thing up- before flipping to another page entirely. Vlad slouched over the notebook, watching as Arthur scribbled down the specifics.

Arthur paused, looking up at Vlad. "he carries around that huge book, right?" Vlad nodded. "So I'm safe to assume that it's full of stories, right?"

Another nod. "And profiles of a lot of the gods and goddesses, but yeah, mostly stories."

"And I'm guessing that Lukas knows a lot of those stories?"

"No, as soon as he reads them, he instantly forgets what he just read." Arthur raised an eyebrow at the sarcasm, not entirely expecting it from someone like him. Vlad winced. "Sorry, sorry. You kind set yourself up for that, though." Arthur nodded. He had. "But yeah, he does know a lot of 'em. Like, what goes on and what happens. I think there's this one love story he knows word for word. I dunno."

Perfect. Absolutely perfect. It was all coming together. He finished writing down the plan, Vlad adding a couple of extra details here and there. Eventually, they had a solid concept in place.

The only thing they had to do was tell Lukas the next day at lunch.

"No." Lukas chucked the notebook onto the cafeteria table, it hissing as it slid back towards Arthur. He leaned back, crossing his arms. "Absolutely not."

Vlad grabbed the notebook, glancing it over and then turning it over to face Lukas, text forward. he rotated it back and forth between Arthur and Lukas. He leaned forward to look at the paper, before sitting back and shoving it in Lukas' face. "Show some common sense. This is top-notch!"

Arthur nodded in agreement. It was a fantastic, sure-fire plan that had no holes for failure. Especially so, considering the fact that Arthur had thought up and created three-fourths of said plan.

Lukas frowned, huffing. "This 'top-notch' plan of yours is the cheesiest, most cliche thing I've ever heard."

Honestly. That ungrateful- "What in the hell are you talking about? Do you want to hook up with Mr. Golden Retriever or not?"

Vlad snorted before breaking into a full out laugh. "Mr. Golden Retriever. Genius."

He smirked, taking a bite out of his peanut-butter and jelly sandwich- courtesy of Vladimir. It was his first one, embarrassingly enough. When he told his friends that, they stared at him with disbelief. He took another bite, using his pointer finger to push a bit of escaping strawberry jelly into his mouth. As Arthur spoke, his voice was muffled. "Give it a change, Lukas. Vlad and I worked hard and spent ages working on it."

Raising an eyebrow, Lukas gave him an "Are you kidding me?" look. On anyone else, it might've looked amusing or so ridiculous that Arthur wouldn't be able to take them seriously. On Lukas, however, it just made him look cold, intimidating. Arthur tensed, forcing the hackles back. It reminded him of his father.

"Really? You two honestly think that secret admirer letters that we slip in Mathias' locker will get us anywhere? If anything, he'll take them to his table and read them to everybody so they can laugh at how stupid it was for anyone to even think of it."

Vlad crossed his arms and pouted. "How could you think so low of your future lover?"

"He won't be if we-"

Arthur cut him off, not willing to hear any more bashing of his masterful thinking. "Cliches are things that are overused, yes? Well, there's a reason they're overused. They're effective. Efficient. They work."

Lukas threw his arms in the air, mocking a look of wonder. "How could I've ever known?" His arms fell, and he was back to his original, irritating expression. "This won't be worthwhile. I know it won't. I'ven't had a single full conversation with Mathias. Ever. And we're neighbors!" Arthur lifted an eyebrow at the new bit of information while Vlad just snickered. Lukas fixed him with a glare, before deflating in defeat. "I dunno. If anything, he'll just think it's someone else and fall in love with them. Like The Little Mermaid."

He paused for a moment to imagine his nightmarish thoughts, before shaking his head with vigor. When he finished, Lukas grabbed his sandwich, slumping back as he ate.

Vlad watched him with sad eyes, leaning over the table to pat Lukas on the shoulder. From the look he gave, it didn't help. "C'mon, Luke! This plan'll be different. Arthur and I put in a foolproof way to ensure that you'll be identified."

"How so?"

Arthur nodded to Vlad, silently conveying that he would take care of this part. "Well, you see, there's this one tiny, yet major, detail that we included-"

Vlad beamed. "And that's the theme of the letters!"

He lightly smacked Vlad on the shoulder for interrupting him, before continuing. "Exactly. The theme. You like Norse mythology, everyone who knows you knows that. So, we're thinking that maybe the messages can involve some of the stories?" Lukas didn't seem confused, but Arthur still felt the need to elaborate. "I-I mean, for example, 'Mathias, you are my- insert Viking name here-, you are brave, strong, and courageous.' You know, stuff like that."

Vlad nodded, having quit rubbing the area where Arthur slapped him. "Yeah! And, the thing is, if Mathias was really into ya, which I'm positive he is- c'mon, Lukas, it's you- then he'll have some clue of who his secret admirer is!"

Lukas huffed, grabbing his book and flipping through multiple pages at a time. Lukas stopped at one particular page, rubbing his fingers against the edge. Arthur and Vlad were silent as they watch him read, though he didn't seem to notice. He huffed again. "I'll start looking for some stories we can use."

Vlad sighed in relief, Arthur rubbing the back of his neck. If he were to be honest, Arthur expected Lukas to deny their plan altogether, leaving them to pick up the pieces back at square one. It certainly was something that he himself would've done, though he supposed that Lukas was kinder than that.

The three sat in silence for the rest of the break, someone occasionally muttering about a random, trivial problem going on in their life. When it was his turn, Arthur never mentioned anything about his home life, instead choosing to complain about the waves of homework that were starting up. His friends were sympathetic.

Friends. It felt weird for Arthur to think of them that way, to notice how quickly he was beginning to open up to them. It was certainly much faster than he had in the past. Eventually, if this kept up, he would be easily telling the two his deepest, darkest secrets and insecurities. Laying it all out for them on a polished silver platter, just so they could pick and choose which ones to mock and judge.

The very thought of it made him livid.

When the bell rang, Lukas tucked his bookmark into his current page before snapping his book shut. He grabbed his backpack, slinging it over a shoulder and walking away. He didn't even bother to say goodbye.

Arthur began packing up, mentally preparing himself for the horrors he'll have to face in choir. Today, they were supposed to be receiving their first music pieces for the concert in December, but, knowing Mr. Vargas and his teaching style, that could very well change. The Madrigal choir was due to start tomorrow. Arthur pursed his lips, wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into.

With a quick, "See you later," Arthur began his walk to the stairs leading to the second floor. A hand wrapped around his wrist, pulling him back.

Vlad let go, moving his hand to rub his forearm. "I- uh... just wanted to say-" Arthur raised an eyebrow as he looked away. "-thank you!"

Arthur's eyes widened and he sucked in his lips. He was certainly not expecting this. Not at all. he opened his mouth to say something, to say anything, but Vlad cut him off.

"No- don't say anythin'. Just lemme talk." Vlad twiddled his thumbs, darting his eyes around as if he were trying to figure out what to say. "It's only the second day of the second week of school. Which means that Lukas and I've known you for not even two weeks."

Arthur stayed still, not bothering to nod in confirmation. It wasn't needed.

"But, the thing is that even if we haven't known each other for that long, I'm grateful of all you've done to help. Lukas is, too, though he's just too shy to say it."

The surprise on his face must've been obvious, as Vlad snorted. "C'mon, Arthur. Give yourself s'more credit. You offered to help set up Lukas with the guy he's been smitten over for years- and you've only known about if for a few days! A lot of people wouldn't even think about doing that."

Vlad put his hand on Arthur's shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. He smiled, and kept the smile even when Arthur didn't smile back. "I gotta go, but, once again, thank you so much for everything. All of it. You're seriously awesome." He pushed Arthur back, laughing as he did so. Arthur let out a chuckle. "Have a good day, Art. See ya tomorrow when we officially start The Lukas Initiative."

And with that, Vlad briskly walked away, no doubt going to his next period. Arthur smiled as he watched him go, a real, genuine smile. He didn't have to fake even a fraction of it.

He didn't upset himself to develop relationships this fast. This easy. In actuality, Arthur expected himself to be alone the first three months at least. It was an odd and tense feeling to see his previous thoughts turn out wrong. It was kind of pleasant, though he knew it wouldn't last.

Yes, after they learned of his plan, saw the aftermath, gone would be any friendly relationships Vlad and Lukas had with Arthur. They would never speak to him again. Sneer in disgust whenever he walked past or near. It was a necessary sacrifice, he told himself. It would all work out in the end, and it was not as if he would see them after high school, anyways.

But he couldn't help but feel a little guilty for what he was dragging them into. For what was to come and what was to happen.

[adelaidecity]

'I thought it was my own flesh'

To put it simply, the clip of Amazing Race contestant Claire Champlin getting hit in the face with a watermelon is iconic. The video from the 2010 season of the reality show immediately went viral and has since been viewed millions of times on YouTube. Claire, who at the time was a Home Shopping TV host, went on the Amazing Race with her best friend Brook. In one of their first challenges, Claire had to fire a watermelon out of a slingshot and hit a target on the other side of a field. But it went spectacularly wrong and the watermelon came flying back at her head, striking her right in the face. News.com.au caught up with Claire to find out how it happened, what injuries she sustained and what its like to be known as watermelon girl. [embedded content] Lets start with the challenge. What do you remember from that day? I grabbed the watermelon and you had to try and knock down the knight. At the time I was so little so to get enough tension in the slingshot I had to lay all the way down. When I went to release it I had too much tension and the leather strap wrapped around the watermelon and flung back into my face. I didnt know what had happened. I was laying on my back and it was like Id been in a car accident, I was just in shock. I started pulling the watermelon off my face and I thought it was my own flesh. While youre in the Amazing Race, your sound crew and camera crew never leave your side and when the crew left, I was like, Im in trouble, this is bad. They called in a medical team and they asked me some basic questions and then they vanished and the camera crew came back. I said to Brooke, What do we do now? And thats when her big line came: You have to finish They dont call it the Amazing Race for nothing!

media_cameraHome Shopping hosts Brook Roberts (left) and Claire Champlin. Picture: John Paul Filo/CBS via Getty Images Did you sustain any injuries? I couldnt feel my face. My lip started swelling up and I had a little black eye. Another medical team were waiting for me (after the challenge) and they gave me some Panadol and told me I was going to be fine. Then a producer came up to me and said, Thanks for our Emmy this year. Brook comes across quite harsh in the clip, telling you to get up and complete the challenge. Theres a lot they didnt show. It was edited the perfect way and she did get a lot of sh*t for that, but shes really loving and endearing. The clip of you getting hit in the face leaked before that season of the Amazing Race started airing on TV. What was the reaction like at the time? When you go on the show you have to sign an agreement that you wont talk about it until it airs or you can get sued for $10 million, so I wasnt allowed to say a thing. I was out at my parents ranch and all of a sudden my emails started blowing up and my phone was full of messages asking if I was watermelon girl. The creator of the show called me and said, Claire, if you need anything, just let me know because this is getting out of control. I went in and woke up my dad and I said, You need to come see this video, its all over the internet. I know your friends are going to be calling you about it. He said, Claire, whatever you did, I will forgive you and love you forever. I was like, Dad, its not porn! Its from the Amazing Race! He said, Good Lord, why didnt you just say that in the first place? It was everywhere. It was on all the late night TV shows, I was named Turkey of the Season by ESPN. It was crazy.

media_cameraClaire copped it right in the face. You and Brook finished in second place on that season of Amazing Race, thats quite an achievement. We were nine minutes away from the million dollars. I think production had a little something to do with that because they wanted us to be on All Stars (you cant be on All Stars if you win), but Im not sure. Theyve asked us to come back three times but weve never been in the place to do it because were always having babies. What are you up to now? Im a mum who lives out in Arizona. I just started doing interior design so thats my new venture. Brook and I are still best friends. She actually just had a baby two days ago so Im going to fly out and help her with her three-year-old and newborn in a couple of weeks. And yes, I still get recognised occasionally, especially in the produce department.

media_cameraClaire and her family live in Arizona.Originally published as I thought it was my own flesh https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/entertainment/amazing-race-woman-hit-in-face-with-watermelon-reveals-what-really-happened/news-story/5949674e36336dd5040e0054df2b7b9b?from=htc_rss

[i-want-my-iwtv]

I've been trying to read the whole vc series, but school and work just keep preventing me from getting really far! Is it ok to ask you to write a little summary for each book so I can catch up with the fandom until I have the time to read them all thoroughly?

Yeah, I understand, time is limited :P 

I don’t know that summarizing VC will allow you to “catch up” with the fandom, you really only need to read the first 3 books and the Vampire Armand to get most of the jokes on tumblr, bc most of the jokes seem to center around:

Louis being a pyromaniac,

Lestat being an obnoxious but somehow lovable glittery murder machine,

Lestat and Louis being awesome and shitty murder dads,

Claudia being an ungrateful spoiled brat,

Armand being a little brat, or a slut, or an evul coven master, or all of the above,

Daniel Molloy just wanting to vampire plz!!!11!,

Marius being a pedo, or too bossy, or both,

Gabrielle is a bad mom and an ice queen,

Nicolas is spelled NICOLAS and he is NOT DEAD!,

Secondary characters not getting enough love from anyone!!

There are often spoilers in summaries tho, do you really want to be spoiled? I LOVE being spoiled.

We have these unreliable narrators, there is a lot of disagreement as to what canon really is, and some fans choose to ignore parts of (or entire books) in the series. We bring our own experiences to the reading, and we choose what to connect with, so I think we can agree on some things about each book, but you will probably get a different summary from any given reader. Even AR has told us to disregard the hybrid Mayfair/VC books (Blood Canticle, possibly Merrick and Blackwood Farm) when moving onto the more recent VC additions (PL and PLROA). So, for example, I have a friend who has only read the first 3 books. She doesn’t even know what happens after that bc she prefers to think it ended after QOTD. So any new vampires made after QOTD do not exist to her. #Your headcanon may vary.

Anyway, you want summaries.

http://vampirechronicles.wikia.com has a pretty good write-up for each of the books (they don’t have PL and PLROA currently, maybe they will eventually). It contains spoilers.

@vraik​ has thorough VC analysis in their series called The Consulting Analyst over on vraikaiser.com. Spoilers there, too.

@hyperbeeb‘s capsule reviews are pretty gr9 [X]:

Lestat’s Adventures with a Progressive Family

Lestat’s Bisexual Adventures in 18th Century France

Lestat’s Adventures with the Queen of the Vampires

Lestat’s Adventures as a Human

Lestat’s Adventures with Satan

Lestat’s Adventures in a Coma

Lestat’s Adventures with Polyamory 

Lestat’s Adventures in the Deep South

Lestat’s Adventures with Not Being There At All

Lestat’s Adventures with Witches and Other Weird Shit

Lestat’s adventures with Being the Vampire Head of State

Lestat’s Adventures with Literal Fucking Aliens

(Note, Pandora and Vittorio are technically stand-alone “New Tales of the Vampires” books, but Pandora would be No. 6 of the 13 book series).

You can check my #VC Synopsis tag, which has more capsule humorous summaries.

Gonna try to do a little summary for each VC under the cut as a personal challenge. 

Spoilers ahead! I’ll try to do this with as few spoilers as possible, as factually as possible.

1. Interview with the Vampire - Louis tells the story of his life and unlife to Daniel Molloy. Louis starts at the point in his mortal life just before he meets Lestat, and how his life up until that meeting influenced the unlife that followed after he became a vampire. Lestat’s reasons for choosing Louis are unclear to Louis, but he wants Louis to choose to be a vampire. Louis is under so much duress (failing health, still in emotional distress over his guilt re: a close family member’s death) that the choice is not 100% legit, Lestat can’t wait for a more opportune time and proceeds to turn Louis anyway. 

The whole story could be seen as Anne Rice’s exploration of the role of religion and the reasons why terrible things happen to innocent people, the concept of punishment. 

For me, it was also eye-opening bc I was 11 when I read it and it introduced the possibility of love between a same-sex couple, even if that was in more of a read-between-the-lines way. 

It also has a child vampire and I hadn’t seen any media even attempt to tell a story with a child vampire before. Few media that attempt it seem to have captured the beauty and tragedy of such a creature as in this story, and she reappears in a few of the other VC. Unreliable Narrator thing that continues throughout the series.

^ok that was too long, I’m going for shorter.

2. The Vampire Lestat - Lestat seeks to “correct the record” that Louis laid out in IWTV by giving us his own backstory, starting at his mortal youth and how that influenced the unlife that followed when he became a vampire, against his will (hence the “I’m going to give you the choice I never had,” line from movie!IWTV). There is more exploration in the role of religion and reasons why bad things happen to basically innocent people, and whether you really can make the best of a shitty situation or just give up. More about punishment. A very unique take on the origin of the vampires as a species is revealed. And the reasons why Lestat behaved the way he did (basically all secretive) in IWTV. Unreliable Narrator thing that continues throughout the series, who are we to believe? Lestat or Louis? And the author’s retconning which is perceived as “making excuses later in canon for behavior that’s already happened.” Some readers really despise this. Personally, I like having the options and trusting one version of events, or none of them.

3. The Queen of the Damned - Lestat’s modern-era rock career wakes the Queen of the Vampires and she has this awesome Radical Feminist idea for world peace. She’s already gotten started on it! She upgrades Lestat physically so that he can help her accomplish her goals, but he’s not really on board. They meet with the vampires she has allowed to survive her purge and it doesn’t go very well. Also in this book, we have different narrators, more about the vampire origin story, and the Armand/Daniel ship is sailing at its best here.

4. The Tale of the Body Thief - Having suffered so much through the past 3 books, Lestat is a suicidal hamburger-brained moron and makes some very bad choices. Despite everyone advising him NOT to, Lestat makes a terrible trade with a body thief and learns quickly that he had idealized being human. He does some horrendous stuff, and wants off the Being Human ride. He has one friend who helps him set things back to the way they should be, and then he betrays that friend in a spectacularly cruel way. More importantly, Lestat also gets a wonderful cuddly doggo. 

5. Memnoch the Devil - Lestat Goes to Heaven and Hell, meets Jesus Christ, meets God, meets Satan (who prefers to go by “Memnoch”) it’s all a huge interview process to decide if Lestat might work for God or Satan and it’s basically fanfic of the Bible. Some people hated it for those reasons. I found it really intriguing, bc it presents a reason why God created the earth, and why there’s suffering, why God allows suffering to go on, and where religion comes from. Like Lestat, Memnoch says he’s not the antagonist, but really the good guy in all this. When Dorothy gets back to Kansas Lestat returns to earth, there is disagreement about whether he went on a real trip or he was just fooled by a really talented spirit. Lestat is so confused that he throws a huge tantrum and then gets solitary confinement, then slips into a coma.

6. The Vampire Armand - Armand gets his spotlight and gets to really tell his story, do we believe everything he tells us? Lots of good Italy times stuff. Armand visits Lestat in his coma-state, and talks about that, too. 

7. Merrick - Merrick is a Mayfair witch in NOLA who bewitches Louis in pursuit of his request for closure with Claudia, and hilarity ensues. Louis gets the most screentime he’s had since IWTV, but the whole book is told from a 3rd wheel’s POV, it would have been so much better from Louis’ or Merrick’s POV. Major fatal thing happens but fortunately Lestat wakes up from his coma in time to save the day.

8. Blood and Gold - Marius tells his story, as does the vampire Thorne tell his own story. Marius talks about his artistic influences and his experience with the early Talamasca and Santino and the Children of Satan. We see Daniel (now living with Marius) under a kind of spell, which Marius says is temporary. 

9. Blackwood Farm - Lestat goes to the Deep South and hears the story of vampire Quinn (his story defies summary) and, with Merrick’s help, saves the day.

10. Blood Canticle - More vampire and Mayfair mixing. And Taltos. It’s a very big WTF book. But it has some very funny scenes and lines in it. It ends with Lestat promising the Dark Gift to someone. 

11. Prince Lestat - Vampire scientists. A clone. Someone gets kidnapped. Ultimate Vampire Coven Gathering. Lestat is cranky, saves the day anyway. Ghosts apparently can linger on earth after death and make bodies for themselves. Characters from past books reappear. New characters are introduced. Louis writes a chapter about how OK fine, he does love Lestat. FINE.

12. Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis - I haven’t finished this but basically… the REAL vampire origin story, and it involves bird-like aliens, who were sent to earth bc the aliens feed on the suffering of mortals. The bird-like aliens didnt want to create Atlantis. in fact they were pissed because this one creature of theirs, Amel, made Atlantis with the Luracastria (i dunno i think thats how it’s spelled) and their viewing tech couldn’t see through the material. Amel made Atlantis to spite the bird-like aliens omg i cant believe im typing this. Louis and Lestat finally have some legit canon cuddletimes.

- Pandora - the story of the vampire Pandora, and why Marius is bad at relationships. Lots of good Roman times stuff.

- Vittorio - is not a VC vampire, and wants nothing to do with that dysfunctional pile of fanged crazies. @monstersinthecosmos and @vittoriathevampire could give you a better summary of that one, since I didn’t absorb it too well :P

[infinitypool]

Chapter 3 - Ohána  Are you not full? Aidan asked sarcastically, still in awe of the meal in front of him. The lasts of some bananas and strawberries were spread along a chocolate nutella spread, a crepe that had beside it a pool of ham and some spilled maple syrup that was all beginning to fall off of the side of Rick's plate, on a smaller saucer next in line housed the remains of two sunny side up eggs and on another plate next to that was the leftover morsels of a croissant ham sandwich. "Probably not until I get my shake," he said scratching his mustache of any more possibly entrapped food. As such of a beast Rick himself was, Aidan thought to himself. He was more surprised that he had successfully avoided dropping any of the remnants of this huge smorgasbord of food on any part of his still pristine white suit. Rick's tie fell from atop his shoulders as he lifted the remaining croissant sandwich into his mouth, his eyes now looking at Aidan. "and to think he didn't even care how close he was to a suddenly abrupt mad-dash to the dry cleaners". Aidan thought ironically to himself. I guess that's how Rick and him differed. He was spectacularly lucky in the most infuriating way possible, to be more specific the type of infuriatingly luck that makes you do incredibly stupid things just in order to see if you could get as close as that person would. Aidan looked down at his now worn cast. Rick wiped his mouth clean and cleared his throat. "Are you done daydreaming Cinderella? "Nope," Aidan said as he smiled and looked around Fenton's café diner. Rick coughed. "You know" He said as he reached for the last morsel of a crepe. "I know this place gets a lot of slack on the island for just being another one of those invading food chains but you have to admit, they make some pretty damn good food. "It was incredibly misleading," Aidan thought to himself, sensibly the place felt like a Denny's but the food in comparison to the decor felt like a delicious foreign oddity. Is a crepe a French dish.? "Hell should I know." Aidan grimaced and sternly said"You fucking went there" "Never ate any crepes" "Well you got on the wrong flight then." "Yeah the airline fucked up again and sent me to Hawaii." Aidan laughed. Rick & Aidan walked out of the pancake house, while Rick drummaged through his to-go container as he followed Aidan across the street. Aidan looked at the grass along the parking lot. Where is it? he thought to himself as they walked. Rick munched on. "So, is it just me ? or is Sarah's mother getting worse by the day? " Aidan flinched as he stared at rick shamefully. "What?" he defended. "Its not natural to take death with ease" Aidan said. He looked across the parking lot to a sparkling brown van. "Its been 6 years though, you would think that she would eventually get better & stop acting like everything is still the same." He said as he fiddled with the last of the leftovers as they walked to the  back of the van. "You know they say playing with your food every 5 seconds can be symptoms for growth problems" "Mumfherfagala fy-uck you" Rick said through the food as Aidan knocked on the back of the van. They waited a moment for signs of intelligent life until the van door clicked, slid halfway open stopping short with a sudden clang. "Shit" Peni said from inside the van. "Come on through the back" he said "He still has to get it fixed?"Rick said  . "Yuhp," Aidan said as they walked to the back. The side door unlocked and Peni waved them in. The van inside was packed almost to the brim with beanie babies and plush toys and smelled of hookah and lavender.They both situated themselves in the back seats among the mini plush toys. "You getting ready to set up shop in Makoa Valley?" "Yuhp" he said. "They used to call it the land of dreams back when i was in school, now its just the land of dreams and hotel services" Rick closed the door behind them as Peni put the keys in the ignition. "You know , you really should invest in some seat-belts back here Peni."Aidan said. Peni sighed and looked into the rear view mirror "Doesn't one of you own a car?" "Its in for repairs"Rick said. Peni frowned. "Well then I don't want to keep hearing about not having seat belts ok, this ride's on the house" They both looked at each other and nodded. I"'m also not planning on keeping this van for very long, rather not put more money into it anyway", he mumbled to himself ,this is just my day hustle." Peni said with a sanguine smile into the mirror. "Hows Kalena? Rick asked as he looked out the window into the beginning of the valley's hills. "Good,still pregnant" Aidan paused ."Shouldn't you be with her now?" " The baby's not due for a couple of months and im going to need every penny I can get just to get her going." Peni said as he made the turn into the valley road intersection. "Wait why did you guys  call me if you don't even have a car to get back? ."Alexandra is going to pick us up from the hotel for the festival after she finished her tours ." Aidan said. "God bless that little woman" Peni said to him-self. "Is she still working for Aola ?" he asked "Yeah, but i can tell its beginning to annoy her." "Why?" I thought she was getting paid well. "She is but she keeps getting hit on by every artist that she shows even an ounce of hospitality to." "Oh" he said surpised at how fast things had changed. Well ..She knows how to hold her own. "I wouldn't bet on it" Aidan refuted. "Really?" Peni's eyes opened wide. "Its been a while since she's been in a serious relationship, she doesn't mention it but i think she's starting to get docile." "Just like her mother" Peni added. "Boy if you had seen her mother back in the day, her eyes could burn a hole through the middle of earth." "Alex used to find it quite fun for a bit." "And she would even make a game out of it" Rick grumbled to himself as he closed his eyes. Peni smirked as he drove along. "Well, ever since I first met that little fiery girl in Mahana I can't even fathom the thought of somebody settling her fire ."  Peni said in a hopeful tone. "Yeah".. Aidan said as he got lost on the horizon. Peni smiled . " remember in pre- k she would always end up going her own way even, her mother had a hard time with her .. "Peni said as he trailed off. He stopped and looked back to see that he had indeed lost both Aidan and Rick to the beautiful morning. Peni sighed. "Well...." Peni said now loudly. " Its about 15 miles till we get to the hotels , so take a nap and enjoy the ride." They both looked outside at the vast beyond. Aidan scrunched his nose and rubbed the morning crust from his eyes. It was surprisingly calm and still for the Sunday morn, the humidity was low , enough that the light cut through the sky in neat diamond rays leaving a translucent spectacle cherisable even to the experienced gaze. A snore interrupted Aidan's daze. Rick lay asleep, in a food coma basking in the glow of the sun. Well that didn't take long, he thought.Next time i'll make him pay for the food and he probably won't eat as much, hopefully.Aidan smiled to himself. 20 minutes had passed like it had been 3 on that road , it was smooth. Aidan, now contempt looked into the rear view mirror to see Peni's eyes for a moment and then quickly looking away. Peni in a flux, laying his arm out of the window bit his nail and sighed. "What is it ?" Aidan poked. "Nothing" he said fretfully. Aidan sucked his teeth. "You can tell me anything Peni..... come-on" Peni paused and looked out onto the road in a perlexed mood. "You need to control your friend Aidan" Peni warned. "What? Aidan thought surprised. He looked over at Rick, so caught up in a deep and impenetrable nap not even a gunshot could perturb his slumber. "What?". "He' s starting to garner a reputation for himself"  Peni said fretfully . "Really? "Aidan said  "I hadn't noticed, he said as he chuckled, what does that have anything to do with you though Peni?" "Im going to be a father soon Aidan.....what if its a girl? I have to take the responsibility to protect her anyway i see fit" Aidan shrugged. "From Rick?" Peni quipped "I know it sounds quite strange and I didn't have to think about it initially but, after Kelani got pregnant i starting thinking about how I grew up and what kind of people I listened too. I remember Rick's  father slightly and what he was to me. He wasn't supposed to be such a bad person but he never had any plans only missions to do. "Missions aren't bad" "Ah but sometimes you forget the point of them, he never seemed to plan for danger or anybody else. Im afraid Rick has the same issue." "and whats that ?" Aidan said. "He's magically irresponsible and yet incredibly influential" "You can't say that" Aidan remarked. "I can if I'm trying to warn someone else" "And that would be me ?" he said "Yeah" "Rick isn't as bad as you think he is" he defended. Peni breathed out a sigh of contempt. "Do you know why his car's in the shop." "No, but ... " "Do you know if he's paying for it?" "...... no but." "You see you don't know and it won't kill you now but you really should be asking him about these things because they will eventually add up to something big." Aidan shrugged. "maybe, if your not careful" Peni added. Peni took some gum out of the side compartment and ate it while he brushed through his hair as they drove along the interpass. Aidan sat perplexed in thought. "So.. I realized that if Rick stays the same way indefinitley, he wont grow up to be any better than his own father  , and will eventually have a son for himself . Aidan stopped him " Or daughter". "Either way it isn't a cycle that i would want to have continue on to influence generations to come ." "Well what about me ,Peni?" Aidan said. "Well, even an intelligent man like yourself can still get into bad circumstances look at your arm for instance." "Oh com-eon, We both know he wasn't to blame for.... this.. " he paused. Was he?  he paused then shrugged the thought away "It wasn't that simple" he thought. "It wasnt that simple." he refuted to Peni. "Im sure it wasn't." Peni sided. "Though all of this points down a road i dont think you want to go down right now. At the very least though you  still need to try to help him when you can, push him to be a better man so it in turn can help you and my future daughter. "Or son" Aidan interrupted. "Or son...out" Peni sided. "In the future." Rick snored on. "All in all I actually wish that his father had been able to have had someone like you with him growing up, hell even i would have been lucky to have had someone like you by my side, you've always been able to balance people very well. Aidan flinched...."Your not coming on to me are you Peni ?" Peni chuckled as he looked at him through the rear view mirror "Oh you aint ready for all this fluff Big Kahuna" Aidan laughed. "Im baffled Kalena can even handle that much fluff." he quipped as they continued driving  through the inter-pass into the mid-day through Makoa Valley.

http://figment.com/books/1001093-Infinity-Pool-