#im just so scared and im so Wish I Was Dead :( im sorry ill be happier tomorrow i promise | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

makahimetenshi · 1 year ago

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Two separated ways - Chapter 10 - Arthur Maxson x Female Sole Survivor x Paladin Danse Fallout 4 Fanfic

Oh my god I cant believe Fanfiction is counting the views again after half year.

Can you believe it? I keep writing and uploading this with 0 views and almost 0 possibilities of getting visualized again. I just keep writing, and writing and writing.

Damn I finalized Follow me into the wastelands with the view stopping at half story :C

Perfect connection also suffer from the same, it has only 3 views because it started to count them just now. I mean I can write one of the lemons I left stuck to bump it up again. To see if people gives it a chance and start counting at least some views

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and comments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive comments of wanting to know what happens next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

She take a second to explore her surroundings with her eyes, trying to calm herself and the rhythm of her heart.

Oh she may be delirating.

-Arthur what are you talking about? What changed? –why? Why this feels so rushed? A hint of pain appeared on her chest, something was off, very off.

He didn’t seems secure about it, less happy. Never expected much emotions but at least security! Never tried to oblige him!

-The council of elders is pressuring me to bear children, that’s all –he said with a dead voice, yeah he wasn’t comfortable- and I feel like I own you an apology. You were serious about this since the beginning and talk me with straight words –he was serious, stiff today, hard to reach- I wasn’t sure of what I wanted and I delayed it, loosing your time and opportunities, I should do something else

-Like what? –she ask sitting on a chair next to his desk, Arthur move a chair and also sit in front of her

-Get my shit together –he said looking at his hands open, Nora place a hand on his knee, soft, not wanting to scare him.

-You don’t seem like you want to

-I wasn’t so sure before and now im obliged im nervous, that’s the true –he look at Nora and then laugh low, feeling small- you are not backing up now don’t you?

-You need to consent to this im not doing anything you don’t want

-I do I do, I consent, it just doesn’t feel so good now im obliged

She picked up his hands-if you don’t feel comfortable im not comfortable either, im not obligating you

-I can do this –he said taking a big breath of air- you are in?

-Yes –ah she had such a pretty feminine voice…whiling to do it with him.

But truth is it wasn’t easy.

-Then lets have dinner together tonight alright? I just summoned you to talk right now it would be rude –he was interrupted by the woman jumping out of her chair to sit on his legs, nothing dirty, just sit on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders, leaving him speechless for a moment until he recompose- for you its just so easy doesn’t?

-What do you mean? –said Nora with a small smile- im just giving you some extra help –the woman left a soft kiss in his forehead, making the man blush- you know what? I think we should make dinner together, it will relax you, put your head in some other place

For her it was a wish, for him a duty, it was only natural that he was nervous.

-Alright which ingredients do you want me to get?

-I was thinking in a Squirrel stew, its going to be fun to work together although im not an expert in wasteland recipes.

-Got it, ill see you in my quarters at 9…I promise I will be less nervous –she gets up from his legs with a smile, her heart was pounding hard on her chest.

Finally, she got it.

She has him.

-Alright, ill use the noon to have my stuff done by night –she was about to cross the door when she hear his voice a last time.

-And im sorry…again.

Nora appeared in his door wearing some Checkered shirt and slacks. Hu. Weird, he would expect something else since tonight was an special occasion but okay he can work with what he had after all she was super hot naked anyway. He had some T-shirt and slacks…was his imagination working or both were dressed pretty simple?

-I wouldn’t choose white for cooking –said the woman getting inside his quarters, closing the door and leaning on top, looking at him.

Gosh wasn’t her gaze really intense today? Arthur suddenly felt overwhelmed. Oh gosh tonight he had to deliver.

-Speaking of witch I already wash and disinfect the vegetables

-Cool, ill cut the squirrel bits then, I suppose you don’t wanna do the dirty work yourself –when she said that the man roll his eyes and hit her hip with his, making both laugh as he picked the knifes and give one to her-Ill put some music, years passes since I arrived to this damn place and there’s still almost no radios

-Its true, there was more radios in the commonwealth –he said hearing in the background how she played with the radio, trying to pick some station until some old jazz was playing. He started cutting the vegetables in little cubes, Nora came from behind and leave a bowl at his side while she make her place in the uncomfortable table both were working on.

At least the squirrel was peeled, Arthur was surprised with her ability to take the bones and guts out, throwing it to the trash.

-When you are done with the cubes boil 750ml of water and throw the vegetables –she said starting to cut the meat in cubes, alright- ill take care of the rest

In no time he had a prewar wife cooking for him, he sighted at the view of the woman preparing both dinner, and It was right, just spending this moment together working in something so simple and mundane really relaxed him…something so little like preparing dinner in a chill environment was a change he didn’t know he needed…Peace was always something so weird to see in the wastelands…

When the soup started to boil Nora open one of the man bottles he had scattered all over his quarters

-You sure you don’t want to start with some aqua pura? –said Arthur picking a pair of glasses.

-Im fine with this Chateau Montrose, everybody in my family despised it-why? He liked that wine-but I never truly understood the problem

-You have a big family-he asked while she poured the liquid into the glasses-do you know if any of them is alive at least in a vault? –or get turned into a ghoul over the years to survive- of course your situation was pretty abnormal but you cant give anything for granted in the wastelands –maybe one of them also fall into a horrendous vault-tec experiment

-I lost all interest when I realized I wouldn’t get nor Nate or Shaun back to me, that was the family I really wanted by my side…don’t get me wrong im sure I can track them down, people donsnt just vanish in the air, they always leave traces but I honestly don’t have the interest to look after them –first glass, drinked it all down her throat- besides 7 brothers and mother and father, it’s a big job to cover, we were scattered all around the country when the bombs dropped, business trips, campaign, phs in universitys, investigations, is pretty strange because my father started having kids with my mother at his 20s, but then I was the only one who give him a grandson at 35, none of my brothers actually had a family

-Nor wives?

-No, several women but no childs, I understand if they don’t wanna get married because of their position and power but It always amazed me how they avoided so much to have children…me and Nate also did a good job, we purposely tried for Shaun

There was a true, they were a few years apart but besides that Nora had a completely different experience in life, much more than him, but also completely different than any wastelander.

-It amazes me to hear you say how you all avoided pregnancy’s…that’s not possible here –of course at saying that Nora looked at him in silence- except for pulling out of course –now he drinked on his wine, ashamed-so your father was in his 60?

-80, he was being pressured to abandon his politic career actually due to his age, although he was a healthy man without problems

-What about your mother?

-Why the sludden interest on my family dead almost 250 years ago?

-Well I need some background to tell historys to our childrens –the woman blushed and then drink more on his wine, making him smile- you pretty much read all mine

-Im sure most soldiers read all your family drama

The woman get up to stir spoon in the soup saucepan, Arthur saw her while drinking, refilling both glasses, admiring her figure. He was really having a domestic scene doesn’t? A wife making dinner.

But he will never make her his wife, not if she wasn’t willing to ever love him because her thoughts were filled with another man. Maybe the mother of his children but never a wife, and he must remember that, he should always be aware to not fall in love and not crave for her unless things change. No matter how perfect their connection is or how good their chemistry envolves. The things Danse said about her disturbed him a lot, she didn’t seem that dangerous around, never exposed that part of herself around him yet.

Yet was an important word, he had to be alert.

-It smells good –he said looking at her.

-As good as wastelands food can smell –she replied taking out the pots to start serving their soup- meat looks nice and cooked, lets eat!

He felt like experimenting joy for the first time in his life after tasting that stew. Cooked with tenderness and dedication by a prewar wife…widow…prewar widow…and despite being so simple and small, it was a nice time they were spending together. It certainly put his mind a bit at pause about the ideas of the unknow future and the obligation on whether or not to have to make an heir. But just for that brief moments.

But it wasn’t as easy.

Shut down his mind from all the uncertainty, doubts and fears wasn’t easy, it was something it needed time and right now he wasn’t in the right mood, specially if he wasn’t sure about knowing her.

So the delivery wasn’t perfect.

-You want to be on top or…-she asked moving off sighting, clearly pissed, which didn’t help the man to be less nervous or upset.

-Nono i…-nooooo now it wasn’t the time to have problems with erections!

-Its okay maybe being in control may help you –said Nora trying to be condensandent but it didn’t help much, he can’t maintain it hard to the end.

Things happened between them but he was sure he liked her, she was hot and amazing in bed, it isn’t like he is not turned on!

-No, i…-he tried so hard to step in and say fluent words, to not interrupt himself- I don’t feel so good right now –it was the true, the pure true.

He had a lot of anxiety, a terrible hole in the chest and a brain that wont shut up. No, he wasn’t ready to have children, he had to but he wasn’t ready himself.

-Alright –she simply said, sitting at his side and placing a hand on his cheek- do you want me out? Need a time for yourself?

Arthur can see she was pissed and annoyed of course, being obliged to stop wasn’t funny, he should take care of her before but the thing is he wasn’t in the right mood to have sex right now, non to perform it or receive it apparently, he felt like non sex vibes from the moment she crossed the door and apparently that didn’t change for him

-No…-he mumble feeling pathetic, looking at his soft sad cock between his legs- you can stay

-Okay –she answer taking his hand, not looking at him, just staying at his side- should I dress?

-Not necessary, can we sleep together? –he mumble and she nodded with her head, laying on the bead moving the sheets over them.

This was bad, he never had this problem before, but maybe not say to her that it was the first time it happened…

His mind was screaming at him that he didn’t want to have children, she wasn’t the problem, he wasn’t ready.

-Don’t worry –she said with a clearly fake smile, she had pitty for him, he can see it- don’t push yourself.

Women were not easy on men when they don’t deliver, and Nora wasn’t any different, she can talk nice nonsense all what she wanted but her expressions and moods were crystal clear, same with her body language, she wasn’t satisfied nor happy with this situation after all a man who cant hold an erection was the last thing she needed right now, and Arthur can’t really sustain this situation much, his time was running out to make the next Maxson generation.

Why now?

Despite her own frustration and how tense her body was, she places her chest on his face and hug him to sleep together, spreading her body heat.

She was smart, and knows that placing more stress over him wouldn’t help.

The next morning he wake up to piss early, and found between his legs a huge erection. Nora had him enclosed in her arms while sleeping deeply, relaxed like nothing was going to hurt her inside that room. The man silently moved out from the bed to the bathroom and after fighting to pee straight into the toilet and not drip outside he washed, figuring out that this boner will not go down with just cold water.

He sighted, maybe it was a good moment to try now.

When laying down his eyes fixiated on her, the way she breathes, the shape of her shoulders, her curves, the scars all along her skin, her lovely small breasts, the different tones of her skin…she was a well cooked cake, heated in the wastelands sun…a hand place on her hip while he stand on his elbow over the matress to start leaving kisses all over her face trying to wake her up, just little wet smooches to not disturb her sleep so suddenly.

-Sorry to wake you up –he mumble with a raspy voice, newly woken up voice.

-What time is it? -she whispered with difficulty, slowly opening her eyes, sitting up, but before anything, the hand that was on her hip grabbed one of her and put it on top of his member so that she could feel it and…decide-oh

-We can go back to sleep -she shook her head and even with a lot of sleep and her lids heavy she approached him to leave a kiss on his lips, a simple one, simply resting her lips on his, but firm and determined, pushing her head slightly against him, Arthur responded by moving his lips softly and there she rose up on her elbows.

-Im okay –she whisper against his lips and suddenly for her surprise this time the man took the iniciative and sat on top of her legs, leaning down to kiss deeply, she moaned soft on the insides of their mouths but quickly responded with her hands all over his back.

Arthurs hands started to travel all around her curves, moving, the palm of his hands closing and pitching all her warm flesh while slowly to not overwhelm her moved his lips more rough, trying to intensify the kiss to devour her but not being too greedy yet since he just wake her up, slowly, build that tension slowly. Catching her thighs and ribs making her jump in surprise at the rough touch, sniffing against his nose with her hot breath.

Nora stand as much she was able to match heights, also corresponding to the increasing passion, biting on his lower lip and sucking on his tongue by moments letting his tongue invade her mouth to map it, tasting every corner despite the morning breath, she felt welt and soft in her cavity. Neck and shoulders relaxed, legs soften and fingers slide carefully over the skin of his back down his sides making him sight at the sweet sensation.

Slowly both started to devour the others mouth, leaning their heads and pushing against the other like it was a fight for dominance, he liked her resistance, knew that she did it to give more and satisfy him, loved how much she gives in that area.

One of her hands moved up to hold his neck and secure the kiss, not letting him move away from her lips like it was a command he was very willing to follow, the other hand moved down to the front, caressing the hairs of his happy trail with the tips of her fingers moving to his crotch, handling finally his cock making him jump in surprise and groan of pleasure.

-You are fine? –the real question was if she was more awake, to not pressure or make her think they were in a rush but now she was holding him he was feeling an urge.

-Im ready –she mumbles in the middle of the kiss starting to jack him off, Arthur moaned in her mouth and move a hand up to grope a boob, now making her moan, exchanging, specially when the pads of his fingers pitched her nipple playing with the tip- please make me a mommy.

That phrase stop him in his place for a second, but quickly recompose and push her down on the bed, opening her knees to get between her long slim legs holding on his cock.

That morning he finally cum inside

#fallout 4 #elder maxson #arthur maxson #sole survivor #paladin danse #paladin danse x sole survivor #makahimefanfic

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dont-die-kid · 1 year ago

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when can i die

i lay here with you next to me, i should be happy i have everything i’ve ever wanted but instead i feel empty, i have a stabbing pain in my chest that never ends,a desire to die that will never dissipate. i wish so deeply to die but i can’t do that to you, nor can i tell you im feeling this way, i want to scream that im not okay, that i need help , that i don’t feel safe around myself and that’s why i don’t want to be life alone, im scared im going to kill my self, im not scared that ill do it, im scared of it failing, and knowing the pain i’ll cause, seeing the look on your face and my mums face if you ever saw me like that, close to dead or gone, i know you think about our future and i do too, i want to grow old with you and i want to have a family and a home. but i also so deeply just want to die, i want the everlasting pain to end, i don’t want to have to wake up and tell myself ‘you just have to make it to friday’. I just want it all to end, i just wish i could end myself without the repercussions hurting anyone i love. i know i should be able to ask for help but i just can’t, i tell myself im not ill enough or someone else is struggling and what if i affect them, everyone has bigger problems than worrying about if im going to kill myself or not.

i’m sorry, i’m sorry if i do, and i’m sorry for the pain it will cause but ill finally be at peace.

-M

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drivemysoul · 5 years ago

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me looking at my likes right now

#taylor.txt #3:30AM and i’m. going through shit.#i had this really awful nightmare about my friend #we were talking and he started. just. screaming at me. just saying he hated me and he never wanted to talk to me again.#and saying that i’m worthless and that he couldnt believe i thought hed even pretend to like me #and that he wishes i’d drop dead so he wouldnt have to deal with my shit anymore #and i know it was just a dream and that hed never actually say anything like that but i just #all week ive been having those kinds of dreams #just dreams where he leaves or he yells at me or i push him away and he hates me #and im so scared its my brain trying to say he actually does hate me #im so scared he hates me #sorry for being a mess #taylor liveblogs their life falling apart #delete later #maybe? ill orobably forget becauss i always fo

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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 2 years ago

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i keep finding myself struggling wiht my bisexuality, feeling scared or even disgusted. and i just wanted to say somewhere that: no matter what, its okay. if i have a lean towards men? thats okay, im still queer. I still like women. i dont need to be in a relationship with a woman to be queer. i dont need to be attracted to women all the time. just because (or if) i have a lean towards men as a woman doesnt mean being bi still isnt hard or scary. it isnt bad to want relationships with men. being bi is good.

with all that out of the way... is it bad if i like... struggle with the idea of ending up with a woman? like being married and stuff. its all so weird and scary at the same time, because i know i can feel attraction to women. im not confused about whether or not im bi. but i have these weird feelings and all this hesitance about going into relationships with women and whether or not ill really be able to be with a woman one day forever, and stuff about like wanting a family someday and to be married at some point but my view on marriage is also so conflicting because my view of marriage seems so hetero-centric but its also something that i genuinely want. even the idea of just being in a relationship with a girl seems scary. all of it... just makes me feel nauseous and scared. i know some of these problems are just related to internalized homophobia/biphobia, but i also know that some of these might be genuine desires and that makes it hard to draw the lines between them without unintentionally restricting myself. the idea of not ever being with a woman feels horrifiying but also comforting at the same time because i know how hard it is. i wish there were as many people insisting bi women can end up with other women as there were ones who're saying we're just gonna end up with men.

Sorry that this has been sitting in the inbox for so long. I had Covid and am still a bit under the weather, didn't feel like I had enough brain capacity to reply properly.

Your quesiton is whether it's "bad" to struggle with the idea of "ending up with a woman". First of all... yes? In the sense that it means you're not fully comfortable with your bisexuality and it sounds to me like a classic aspect of internalised biphobia. But it's not "bad" in the sense that it makes you “less bisexual". In fact it's (unfortunately) somethign that a lot of bisexual people go through. You said it yourself: having a preference doesn't make you any less queer/bi. But because of societal prejudices and internalised biphobia many bi people are scared of making same-gender experiences. That's understandable and of course might also be a safety issue.

However, I would recommend working towards more self-acceptance so that you can actually enjoy your sexuality fully. And that doesn't mean you have to have sex or relationships with different genders, but just that you are able to feel attraction free of any shame and insecurity about what is or isn't "the right way to be bi".

And lastly, this might just be a personal pet peeve, but I think if we'd stop looking at our love life as "ending up with x" that'd be helpful. To me this always sounds like hitting a dead end. But even if you enter a long-term monogamous relationship that doesn't mean your sexuality ends. You still continue to have eyes for other human beings and you have fantasies. Your desires don't end just because you have a partner. Maybe try to think of a partner (whatever their gender) as one aspect/part of your sexual and romantic journey instead of the end point of it.

Maddie

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kashimos-hajime · 4 years ago

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no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I’m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care.

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up.

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time.

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that.

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms.

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone.

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile.

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

Distantly, he remembers flashes.

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted.

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.”

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing.

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows.

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it?

It has to be.

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality.

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him.

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing.

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up.

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks.

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field.

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop.

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.”

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you.

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything.

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing.

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner.

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach.

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years.

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise.

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.”

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.”

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off.

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you.

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head.

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.

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pandasized-crevice · 3 years ago

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MY FRESH JUST WATCHED KINNPORSCHE EP10 THOUGHTS

AYO VEgas DONT HIT HIM WHERE IT HURTS

AHHHHH ITS PETE

PETE VS PORSCHE WHAT THE SHIT YALL

im pissing my FUCKING PANTS BRO KINN?!

WE GOTTA TRUST EACH OTHER MY GOD

AYO WE CUDDLING?!?!wait a min.....chay has the shirt he's wearing in the trailer shot of him crying....

its chay pretending to still be sleeping for me god i love him

L O V E YOU JUST CONFESSED THAT YOU LIKED HIM YESTERDAY?!

THE SMILEY FACE EGGS PLS

NOO KIM FUCKING LEAVES AND CHAY GETS KIDDNAPPED?!?FUCKING KIM WHY

oh he's still there GET THEM KIM!!!!!

NO KIM FUCK

can tawan get the fuck outta here you're not part of the gang you bitch

pete my love

kim kinn interaction time!!

AH SHIT ITS HAPPENING

chains and whips girl ball gag

ARM ONCE AGAIN THE FUCKING GOAT

oh porsche is going to go CRAZY

FUCK SHIT FUCK

porsche my dear....vegas is not the one

OKAY VEGAS ILL CHEER FOR YOU ONCE HIT TAWAN AGAIN

NO PETE

I FUCKING KNEW IT WAS KENS BITCHASS

o h?!

sidenote: bible swearing? yeah im a whore

he was never going to be with you you stupid slut!

DAMN BYE TAWAN

ITS KIM OH HELL YEAH

never thought id be so happy to see big

I THOUGHT THAT WHORE WAS DEAD DMANIT

yes please get chay away

NO FUCKING WAY

BIG?!OH MY FUCKINH GOD

KINN JUST KILL HIM

A BOMB?!

HOLY SHIT GIRL

so kim got chay out and what..left him there?

chay my baby:(

deserved head whack

ah shit is kinn realizing that pete never called back?

PETE FUCK

pete you're scaring me babes....

WAIT WAIT

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

oh damn i forgot ken

oh kan didn't know vegas was doing other shit?

damn stabbed to death?

tankhun always a blessing to see

DAMN HIS WHOLE HEAD

kan girl they know whats up

tankhun p i s s e d

shit wait the fake evidence against porsche where is it...

kinn said i wanna go let ME shoot him

kan...idk about you sir...

ME SAY SORRY?HOW BOUT YOU SIR

im tired of kinn saying/insinuating porsche is easy i WILL rip your eyeborws off kinn don't start

"you never trust me" to be fair porsche you didn't trust that kinn had a plan along but yeah kinn a little heads up would've been nice

K I S S nice

A HUG EVEN FUCKING BETTER

this shot is so pretty yall

BED SCENE YAY

does mile have a mole on his finger?yall see that dot on his finger?

or am i seeing things?

PORSCHE IS SO GROSS

OH ITS JUST PETE STUCK WITH VEGAS KINN NOTHING TOO IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!

god i wish that were me

ep11 preview: kan i know about you know fuck you bro, i hear the vegaspete enthusiasts screeching rn,final thoughts: so fucking scared for pete

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #thai series #thai bl series #kinnporsche ep10 #cellulars fjwkpt #at least tawan is dead #but damn big....#tonight i'll drink in your honor big #just a shot tho #funny how the mean girls are the dead girls now haha...ha...

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thewalkingdead-fan101 · 3 years ago

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In this hell Daryl Dixon X Reader Part 16/??

Hey all! I'm back! I'm so sorry to those of you that have been waiting for an update! Thank you for being patient! I Love Ya'll! Without further ado, welcome to part 16!

Series masterlist Warnings- Blood, Gore, General walking dead depictions, slow burn, swearing, Character death.

Once Shane and Rick had returned from taking Randall to the barn, we had all made our way back to the camp. I took a seat in one of the camping chairs, as the others gathered around. Lori was kneeling beside the fire.

“So what you gonna do?” She asked pouring cocoa into a mug, pausing and handing it to Carl. “We'd all feel better if we knew the plan.” She stated looking up at the two men after pouring a mug for herself.

“Is there a plan?” Andrea asked, rocking slightly on her heel before walking towards Shane.

“We gonna keep him here?” Glenn had asked, shifting and fidgeting as Carol stood behind him. Both men had looked down, Shane slipping his thumbs into his belt as Rick stepped forward. “We'll know soon enough.” Rick had nodded his head, to where Daryl was now headed towards the group. Daryls knuckles were covered in blood, I didn’t have to guess who it belonged to. “Boy there's got a gang.” He speaks loud enough for us to hear as he approaches. “30 men. They have heavy artillery and they ain't looking to make friends.” He continues, stopping as he reached the group. “They roll through here, our boys are dead. And our women, they're gonna- they're gonna wish they were.” He looked around, eyes landing on me then settling onto the floor.

Carol placed a hand on my shoulder, looking up. “What did you do?” “Had a little chat.” He slightly shook his head, leaving. I slightly turned and watched as he made his way towards our tent. “No one goes near this guy.” Ricks voice had gotten my attention.

“Rick, what are you gonna do?” Lori spoke softly, standing and moving closer to her husband.

“We have no choice. He's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat.” He stated calmly, looking at each of us individually. “You're just gonna kill him?” Dale had asked incredulously.

“It's settled. I'll do it today.” Rick had nodded finally and left the small meeting, Dale following close behind. I smiled at Lori and Carl as I stood from the chair, Maggie standing off the right with Glenn. I moved towards the RV, moving to borrow one of Dales books, having misplaced the book Shane had gotten me. Entering the RV, I was met with complete silence. I reached up and grabbed one of the random books that he had sitting on the counter, giving the blurb a quick read over and nodding, making my way to my tent. A hand had landed on my shoulder, jolting me out of my thoughts.

Turning I see Maggie, a small smile playing on her face. “Hey.” “Holy shit, you scared me, you asshole.” A small chuckle escaping as, I sighed. She let out a small chuckle. “I’m just checking up on you, im not meant to leave you alone.” “Im headed to my tent, you don’t have to worry about me, or babysit me.” “Im not babysitting you.” She chuckled. “Believe it or not, I actually like hanging out with you.” She shook her head throwing her arm around my shoulder. “What are you doing?” I chuckled as she started guiding me towards my tent. “Ill walk with you.” “Go be with Beth.” I smiled softly. “Daddy wanted to speak with her alone for a little bit.” She shook her head. “You don-“ “I want to.” I nodded, smiling as we made the short trip. As we neared the tent, we were met with the sight of Daryl reloading his crossbow. Raising it, aiming at the cans he had littering the fence facing the outside of the property. Anger was radiating off of him. Maggie stopped, raising her brows slightly. “I think I’ll let you guys talk, give him some space.” She smiled, gently hugging me. She turned and left, the sound of the crossbow being shot made me jump slightly as the arrow pierced the can. Daryl had began loading it again, and repeated the process. I walked closer to the tent, watching as he reloaded again. He paused and glanced over, our eyes briefly making contact, Daryl turning back and aiming at another can. “What happened up there?” I asked softly, taking a small step closer and stopping. Daryl shook his head and huffed, moving his crossbow over his shoulder as the arrow connected with the last can. He made his way towards the fence to retrieve the arrows. I sighed as I watched him replace the cans after taking the arrows back. He made his way back to where he was standing beforehand. He didn’t speak a word, bringing his crossbow back and reloading an arrow, and shooting, hitting his target again. “Babe…” Daryl grunted in response. “Regardless if you tell me what is on your mind or ignore me, I’m staying right here.” He turned to glare at me. I raised a brow and he smirked, moving his crossbow over his right shoulder, moving closer. He stops in front of me, moving his hand to rest on my side, my shirt slightly raising as his thumb gently grazed the skin. He moved his crossbow from his shoulder to the ground, his right arm mirroring his left. I moved my arms to rest around his neck, wrists crossed behind his head as the book rested between my fingers. Intimate moments like this with Daryl, although as rare as they are I love. We stood quietly, the both of us enjoying being in the others company. Daryl dipped his head and gently pressed his lips to mine in a soft kiss. He pulled away and rested his forehead to mine. “You don’t need to talk to me now about what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.” I smiled softly, moving my hand to rest on his cheek. “Come to me when you are ready.” I finished, gently guiding him down for another kiss. He moved his right hand to my face and deepened the kiss, pulling away to get our breath back. He reached down and picked up the crossbow, raising his brow at me.

“What?” I asked, looking up at him. “Ya’ wanna learn?” He gestured to the cans with the crossbow. “Babe-“ “Come on.” He grabbed my hand and led me to where he was standing before.

He placed the bow down, and cocked and loaded it before handing it to me. “I could’ve done that..” I joked. “Nah, ain’t gonna risk hurting bean.” He shook his head moving behind me.

He moved my body into a better position, his leg snaking between mine and moving them shoulder width apart and wrapped his arms around me, helping me aim.

“Take ya’ time.” He began, moving the buttstock to my shoulder.

“Make sure ya’ raise the bow higher.” He spoke into my ear as his arms moved mine higher.

“And keep ya’ thumb on the bottom of the forearm.”

He watched as I lined up one of the cans, arms slightly wavering.

“Take a breath and focus.” He spoke softly into my ear. A shiver ran down my spine as Daryl removed his arms from my own. “When ya’ pull the trigger, squeeze it slowly, keep it steady.” I kept the can in my sight, taking steady breaths as I nodded softly. “Ya’ got this baby.” He spoke from behind me as my finger hovered over the trigger.

My eye lingered on the can, finger moving to lightly squeeze the trigger. With a click, the arrow flies through the air, dropping slightly, hitting the fence under the can. Daryl let out a small chuckle behind me as my arms dropped to my sides, crossbow hanging beside me as I turn to him.

“Here.” He reached over for the crossbow, reloading it. He handed it back over and watched as I got back into position. I rested the buttstock to my shoulder once more and aimed more downrange, lining the can up once again. Evening my breathing out, I gently squeezed the trigger, the arrow releasing from the bow and lodging itself into the can. “Knew ya’ had it in ya’.” Daryl smiled, moving past me to retrieve the two arrows. He smirked as he made his way back, taking the crossbow from my hands and reloading it. “Ya’ wanna go again?” He asked, raising his brow.

I looked down, a small scoff leaving my lips.

“Hell yeah i do.” I looked up, meeting his eye, returning the smirk he had given me.

I sighed as I stretched my arms over my head, making my way to the tent as Daryl collected all of the arrows once more.

Daryl began sharpening the arrows as I entered. I placed the book on the bed, grabbing the duffle bag of clothes, searching for a sweater. Daryl and I had been shooting for close to two hours, just enjoying the time we had together. The cicada’s had began chirping, drowning out the silence that had been present before. I opened the tent door and stepped out, taking a seat by Daryl as he began loading his arrows into their holders. Footsteps approaching had gotten our attention. Glancing up, covering my eyes from the sun, I see the familiar silhouette of Dale. Daryl let out a scoff as he continued loading the arrows. “The whole point of me coming up here is to get away from you people.” He announced as the older man stopped two metres away.

“Gonna take more than that.” Dale responded, resting a foot on a stump, nodding towards me as I waved.

“Carol send you?” Daryl asked as he checked the fletching on his arrows.

“Carol's not the only one that's concerned about you, or your new role in the group.” Dale glanced at him and gestured to the two of us. Daryl looked over at me and I looked down.

“Oh man, I don't need my head shrunk.” He shook his head, looking down to his crossbow. “This group's broken. I'm better off fending for myself and my family.” He nodded towards me. My heart fluttered slightly at his words. “You act like you don't care.” Dale had responded, watching as Daryl grabbed his denim jacket.

“Yeah, It's 'cause I don’t.” He shrugged his jacket on over his shoulders. “So live or die, you don't care what happens to Randall?” Dale had questioned.

“Nope.” Daryl shook his head. Dale glanced over to meet my eye as if asking me the same question. “Then why not stand with me, try to save the kid's life, if it really doesn't matter one way or the other?”

“Didn't peg you for a desperate son of a bitch.” Daryl spoke, fixing his vest over the denim.

“Your opinion makes a difference, both of yours.” He motioned to us.

“Man, ain't nobody looking at me for nothing.” He grabbed the crossbow and tilted his head at me as he began stalking off. I stood understanding what he meant, but I stopped mid way between both men.

“Your girl is, Carol is, and I am. right now.” Dale paused, waiting for Daryl to stop. Daryl turned as he listened to the older man. “And you obviously- you have Rick's ears.” Dale finished.

“Rick just looks to Shane. Let him.” Daryl began walking back towards Dale, stopping next to me. He grabbed my wrist as he turned back around and began walking away. “You cared about what happened to Sophia, cared what it meant to the group.” Dale began, knowing that it had gotten Daryl’s attention. “Torturing people? That isn't you.” He paused, Daryl had began walking back to Dale, hand still connected with my own. “You're a decent man. So is Rick. Shane- he's different.” Dale spoke apprehensively as he looked at me. “What's that?” Daryl asked pausing to glance at me before continuing. “’Cause he killed Otis?”

Dale looked between Daryl and I incredulously.

“He tell you that?” He asked closing the space between the three of us. “He told some story.” Daryl paused. “How Otis covered him, saved his ass. He showed up with the dead guy's gun. Rick ain't stupid.” Daryl spoke dropping my hand. “If he didn't figure that out, it's 'cause he didn't wanna.” “It's like I said- group's broken.” He muttered as he turned and walked away. Dale and I watched Daryl retreat.

“What are your thoughts?” Dale had asked, as we stood by the deteriorating fire place. “What on Dale?” I sighed, now turning to face him. “Everything.” He paused, waiting for me to answer. “Shane isn’t who he once was, it’s clear to see.” “I told you that when i overheard you and Shane at camp.” I paused. “The story with Otis didn’t add up, Daryl is clearly the more observant one. Im just naive.”I sighed. “I didn’t want to believe it I guess. But I do.” “And what about the boy?” “Randall?” I asked, and Dale nodded. “Dale-“ “He is just a kid (Y/n), a kid that deserves a chance, the chance to live.” Dale paused, searching my face for any sort of hesitance. “We still have our humanity, only just.” He continued as he waited for a response. I stayed silent as he watched me, eyes intently staring at me. “Is this really what you want to bring your baby into?” “A world in which our humanity is hanging on by a thin thread?” He whispered, shoulders slumping slightly as he began to feel defeated.

I watched as his head dropped, moving the rifle from his left shoulder to his right as he shifted his stance, moving to turn around. The defeat taking a toll on his body language. “Alright.” I sighed, briefly pinching the bridge of my nose. Dale had stopped, hesitantly turning to face me. “Alright?” He asked, brow slightly raised as he watched me. “Alright.” I nodded. It took all of five seconds for Dale’s face to brighten with a contagious smile. “What changed your mind?” “I never really had it made up.” I spoke softly as I moved a small rock around the dirt with my shoe. Dale hummed in response and waved as he continued to make his exit. “You also had a compelling argument.” I called, watching as the older man softly shook his head, a smile evident on his face as he turned and waved goodbye. “Ill see you at his trial, it’s at sunset!” “Sunset?” “Sunset.” He confirmed, with a wave of his hand, walking away.

I sat on the bed and sighed, after spending what had felt like an hour searching for the book the Shane gave me and finding nothing, I had given up the search and instead picked up one of the baskets by the open mesh door and sat down on the floor by the bags of clothes. I began sorting through the fabrics, picking up various pairs of denim jeans covered in dirt and dried blood, throwing them into the basket next to me and continuing working through the clothing. After five minutes of sorting out the clothes I moved the basket closer to the exit, and shuffled over to where Daryl had thrown some of his other clothes yesterday. “All I ask of him is to throw his damn clothes in the damn basket.” I mutter to myself as I pick up a worn out and stained tank top, and toss it into the basket, finding another pair of jeans covered in dried up blood, the stench stronger than the others, and throw it into the basket with the others. I heard something small hit the tarp by the basket, furrowing my brows, I turn, moving the hanging pant leg into the basket, only to be met with sight of two grey, still decomposing fingers.

My stomach started doing flips, as I stared at the two digits that were laying still on the ground. Moving quickly I stood up, and made my way out side, fighting the bile that was threatening to come up my throat. Fresh air surrounded me as I bent down, my hands resting on my thighs, as I closed my eyes and breathed. I waited for a few moments as I regained my composure and headed back into the tent, grabbing the basket and making a quick exit, leaving the two fingers on the floor. He can get rid of them. I think to myself. Out of the corner of my eye I see something move by Merles, Daryl’s motorcycle. I turn fully and notice Carls striped dark blue hooded jumper, the boy not noticing my presence. I smile to myself and place the basket down, walking over, watching as he looks up at the squirrel and rabbit pelts hanging on the makeshift line, then as his attention lands on the motorcycle. Carl reached out and his hands gripped the handles, mimicking revving the motorcycle. “If Daryl see’s you touching that he might try to shoot you in the butt.” I laughed softly. The boy jumped back and put his hands in his pocket, looking at me with wide eyes. “I didn’t mean to scare you, im sorry.” I giggled as he looked down. “No, that’s okay.” He chuckled and looked up at me. “What are you up to kiddo?” “Nothing, just wanted to come up and see you.” He smiled. “Oh really?” I smiled, stepping around the motorcycle and wrapping my arm around the boy, squeezing him in a small side-hug. “How sweet of you.” I laughed, reaching down and ruffling his hair as she gently pushed me away groaning. “Stop.” He whined laughing, moving his hand up to block my hand. “Alright.” I chuckled pulling my arm back and placing it across my chest with the other. Carl was silent for a moment, before his blue eyes shot up and met mine. “Do you wanna go exploring?” “Exploring?” I asked with a raised brow. “Yeah! Like go see if there’s a waterhole or something we can swim in.” He smiled. “I don’t know Carl.” “Please! It’s real warm out! And i can’t go by myself.” He whined. “I have to wash my laundry first, then i’ll have a quick talk with your mama. I don’t want a repeat of the last time.” I smiled down at the boy, who had now put his head down and kicked his shoe in the dirt. “Okay.” he nodded after a minute. “Okay, well, I better get going to do this, so we can go.” I smiled, turning and taking a step forward, pausing to look at him again. “Come on, I can’t leave you here alone. Daryl will shoot us both in the butt.” I nodded my head for him to follow me. Carl groaned as he took a step around the motorcycle and followed me to the basket. I reached down and picked up the basket and began the small trek to the camp with the basket leaning against my right hip, my right arm extended over the top and holding onto the handle. Carl was silent as we walked together, the silence filled out by the chirps of cicadas in the distance. The smell of instant coffee grew stronger as we got closer to camp, I could see Carol hovering by the fire, stirring the pot.

“It won’t take me long to wash these.” I smiled, turning to Carl. I frowned as I stopped, turning and searching for the boy who had since disappeared. I shook my head and continued walking towards Carol. “Hi Carol.” I smiled softly as I approached the camp. The woman stood and smiled. “Hey (Y/n).” She returned the smile. “Need anything washed?” I asked, gesturing to the basket on my hip. “No! Here, let me take that!” Her eyes widened as she rushed around the fire. Her hands reached out and took the basket from my hands and she moved around the fire and to the wash tub. “Carol-“ “I don’t want to hear it.” She stated in a sing-song matter. “Please, Carol, I need to do something.” “You are growing a child. You are doing something.” “Carol-“ “Just take my help and shut up.” She chuckled. “I-“ “(Y/n), im not taking no for an answer.” She warned, pointing her index finger at me. I stood by Carol for a moment, watching as she began separating the fabrics. “Go and do something sweetie.” “Alright, Alright.” I raised my hands in surrender. Carol chuckled and waved me off as I began to trek away from the fire. “Do you know where Lori is?” I stopped and turned as I asked Carol. Carol stopped sorting and looked up at me, before looking around and sighing. “Last I saw, she was at the barn with Rick.” “Okay, thank you!” I smiled softly. Carol nodded. “You okay?” i asked, moving to take a step forward as her demeanour changed. “Im fine honey, Lori and I had a little bit of a disagreement.” “Did you want to-“ “No, im alright, go do what you need to do.” She shook her head, turning to smile at me.

I nodded hesitantly and made my way towards the barn. It didn’t take long to get to the barn, could see the married couple standing outside and talking, Lori moving her hands to her face and placing her face briefly in her palms before sliding them off, Rick with one hand on his hip, leaning more on his left leg. The latter looked around and his eyes made contact with my own. He must’ve said something to Lori, whose face had quickly switched from worried to a forced smile. “Hey, sorry to interrupt.” “No, not at all.” Rick quickly assured me, smile on his face. “Whats up (Y/n)?” Lori smiled as her husband took a step back. “I came to talk to you about Carl.” Rick and Lori both shared a glance with one another as she sighed. “Oh god, What has he down now?” Rick asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What?” I asked, genuinely confused. “(Y/n), im sorry, what has he done?” Lori apologised. I looked between the two of them, confusion evident on my features. “He hasn’t done anything?” I asked gently, waiting for some sort of explanation. “Oh?” Lori asked. “I just came over to ask if you guys would mind if Carl and I hung out today, he asked me to go ‘exploring’ with him.” “Oh, um no-“ “We don’t mind.” Rick answered, a small smile on his face. Lori looked at her husband, hesitation flowing off of her in waves. “It’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable Lori, I respect both of your’s wishes and boundaries, especially with Carl.” “No, I don’t mind, it’s just, I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately.” She hesitated. “What do you mean?” I asked softly. “He was rude to Carol earlier, Disrespected her and Sophia.” Rick answered after watching Lori internally fighting herself. “That isn’t like him, he is a good kid.” My brows furrowed. “We know it’s not, he is lashing out and we don’t know why.” Lori shook her head. “I can talk to him?” I asked, looking between the couple. “I think that’d be good.” Rick agreed, nodding as he looked between his wife and I. “Lori?” I asked. She stood in silence for a few moments, thinking it over in her head before turning to me completely. “Okay.”

I made my way back to camp, looking around for Carl. Carol had managed to finish doing the laundry, clothes hanging up on numerous lines. No-one was around, the camp quiet for a change. I walked over to the RV to check if Carl was inside only to find it empty. Exiting the RV, a flash of blue in my peripheral vision caught my attention, the familiar sheriffs hat disappearing into the thick line of tree’s. Looking around briefly, I decide to follow him, not having time to find someone and let them know without knowing if Carl was going to run into danger. I picked up speed with each step until I was running in between the trees, trying to find the boy. Sighing I stop, trying to find any sign of Carl being here or him. This was probably the stupidest thing I could’ve done. I should’ve told someone that I saw Carl run off, Daryl would be able to find him in no time. A twig snapped, I turned my head towards the sound, to be met with a raccoon. My hand made its way to rest above my heart as I stared at the little creature. It slowly moved around me, eyes locked onto me, before it retreated and ran into a nearby bush. I took a breath and looked around, trying to figure out which direction Carl had run off. I moved forward, walking towards a small opening, finding a small stream connected to a small Rockpool. I almost forgot how beautiful nature was as I watched the water slowly tickle over the rocks and down the sloped ground. I heard leaves crunching to my right, I looked over and saw movement, and followed it. Quietly and slowly I followed the sound of the earth crunching and stopped as I heard a snarl. I moved behind a tree as I noticed it wasn’t carl I had been following, but a walker. The walker had turned around , it had been a female, in its previous life. Now It had a missing arm, matted hair and a half torn face. The walker began grunting and snarling, as it lifted its face higher in the air, sniffing its surroundings. I could hear the chattering of its teeth as it started to backtrack. The stench of rotting flesh picking up in the crosswind, making me slowly move a hand to cover my mouth and nose. It stumbled past the tree I was taking cover behind and lightly screeched, moving towards a bush, diving into it and snarling as it rustled through the leaves. I spotted a medium sized rock on the ground, stepping quietly over to it I picked it up and tiptoed over to where the walker was hunched over int the bushes. I heard a high picked squeak and the sound of tearing flesh as the walker had managed to catch something and tear into it. My foot landed on a stick, causing a small crack to echo through the trees, the walker moving o turn its head as I raised the rock and smashed the back of its skull in. I grunted as I raised the rock again and let it connect with the skull over again, the sound of its skull cracking after each blow as it dropped to the floor lifeless. I watched for a moment as it lay on the floor, movement ceasing. I dropped the rock onto its head with one last blow and moved over to the running stream. I look down at my shaking hands, both of which were covered in dark red, almost black blood, little fragments of broken skull and what looks like brains on my wrists, strands of hair wrapped over my knuckles.

I bent down, trying to ignore my stomach flipping as I placed my hands into the water and cup them, washing off the blood and gore. I sighed as I shook my head, my thoughts going 100 miles an hour. I need to find Carl. NOW.

I glanced over at the lifeless walker and couldn’t help but let the bile run freely from my throat. After wiping my mouth, I moved away from the scene and walked further into the forest, listening out for any signs of Carl, or walkers. I would have called out for Carl, but after coming across the walker, I decided against it, not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention to the area, for myself and for Carl. I looked up at the sky, noticing the orange and purple hues making their way into the sky. “Come on Carl, where are you?” I asked softly as I took another step forward. I heard a yelp in the distance and I turned. “Carl.” I whispered, taking off in the direction I heard the yelp. I dodged fallen branches as I made my way closer to where he was, a smaller body almost hitting my own as he ran forward, not watching where he was going. I reached out and placed my hands on his shoulder, earning a yelp from Carl. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s me.” I spoke trying to get his attentions his hands tried to fight my own. I knelt down to his level. “Carl, Kiddo, it’s me.” I spoke again as he opened his eyes and looked up, noticing that it was only me and he was safe. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hugged me. I could feel his heart beating against his chest as we hugged. I had filled with relief as I clutched the boy closer to me. “It’s okay, you’re okay.” I sighed, moving my hand up and down his back, soothing the boy the best I could. I could feel something hard hit my thigh and I pulled back, noticing the butt of a gun, Daryls gun. Carl looked down and saw that I had noticed the gun. “Carl, where’d you get the gun?” I asked, calmly as I stood back up. “I found it.” “Where did you find it?” “Nowhere.” “Carl.” I sighed. “What?” “Please, be honest with me. Where did you get the gun?” He looked down, then around, refusing to meet my eye. “In the bag on Daryls bike.” He muttered. I rubbed my temple and put my hand out, waiting for him to hand it over. I felt the metal hit my palm, checking the safety and making sure there wouldn’t be an accident I shove it into my pocket. “Are you going to tell my mom?” “I- I don’t know Carl.” I sighed, looking into his blue orbs. “I’ll get into trouble.” “Maybe you should.” I spoke harshly, turning to walk back to the farm. Anger was seeping from my pores, and I felt the smallest amount of guilt.

“Im sorry.” He spoke softly walking beside me as we got closer to the tree line, the farm and camp now visible. “It’s okay Carl.” I sighed as I stopped and turned to face him. We both stopped and looked at one another as I knelt down to his level again, “What happened Carl?” “What?” “Back there, what happened?” I asked, my right hand on his shoulder. “I was just walking around and I found a pond, I wanted to go swimming but a wild animal scared me off.” “A wild animal?” “Yeah.” He nodded. “Thats all it was?” I asked again, unsure if I should believe him. “Yeah.” “Okay, next question.” I paused Carl looked at me, eyes doe-like. “Why’d you take Daryl’s gun?” Carl looked around, deep in thought and let his shoulders slump. “I didn’t want to wait for you to go exploring, and I saw it in the bag.” “So you took it to have some kind of protection?” “Yeah.” “Carl, I don’t think that you know how dangerous that was.” I sighed. “I know.” “Carl I don’t think you do.” I paused. “Kid, you could’ve been attacked by a walker, or a wild animal. What I the safety wasn’t on on the gun properly, or if you’d hurt yourself, no-one would’ve known or known where you were.” “I know and im sorry.” He spoke, tears threatening to spill over his lower lash line. “Please don’t be angry.” “Im not angry, a little disappointed, but that will pass.” He nodded. “Before we head back, you want to talk about what you said to Carol?” He looked up, confusion on his face. “Your dad told me.” Carl looked away again but nodded. “I called her an idiot.” I looked at him with wide eyes. “You? What? Why?” “She told me that we would see Sophia in heaven again, and I told her that heaven was a lie and that she is an idiot if she believes in it.” “Damn. Okay.” I sighed, thinking it over. “Why?” “Because.” “Carl-“ “I don’t know why I said it, it upset me because I do miss her.” “Kiddo, I know you miss her.” I paused.

“Carol misses her too, you have that in common, you may not believe it now but Carol and you need each other.” “Need each other?” “Yeah, because you both loved Sophia and can bring her back in each others memories.” Carl looked down and nodded. “Ill apologise.” He nodded. “I think she’d appreciate that.” I smiled down at him, softly ruffling his hair. I looked up towards the farm house and noticed everyone making their way towards it. “Okay, lets go, Were going to be late.” “Late?” “Yeah, I’ll race you.” “Race me?” Carl asked with a small smile. “Yeah.” I nodded, smiling as I paused. “And ill win.” I chuckled as I began to run away. “Hey!” I heard the boy call from behind me and laughing.

I spotted Lori waiting outside of the house, watching as the others entered one by one. Carl’s laughter got closer as we ran closer and I let up, watching as he ran past me and to his mother. Lori reached out to him and ran her hand down his back leading him inside.

“I want you to stay with Jimmy.”

“But I wanna listen.” He whined.

“Uh-uh, not this time. Come on.” She finalised as I moved past the two. I walked into the Greene’s living room, spotting Daryl leaning against the mirror in the hall, I moved over and stood by him, feeling him move the slightest it closer and touching the back of my shoulder with his own. Glen sat on the stool by the piano, dale leaning up against it. Carol was leant against the wooden door, Patricia, Maggie and Hershel all on the couches in the corner by the window. T-dog was waiting by the coffee table, while Shane leant against the fire place, next to Andrea as Rick and Lori walked into the room. Rick turn, causing my own to turn to see Carl waiting for us all to talk. Lori shook her head and Carl left, rolling his eyes and scoffing.

We were all silent, Glenn being the first to speak up. “So how do we do this?” He Paused looking around. “Just take a vote?” He finished. “Does it have to be unanimous?” Andrea asked.

“How about majority rules?” Lori suggested.

“Well, let's... Let's just see where everybody stands.” Rick began, stepping forward and resting his hand against the red lounge.

“Then we can talk through the options.” He finished. “Well, the way I see it, there's only one way to move forward.” Shane spoke up, arms crossed over his chest and dropping to rest in his belt loops.

“Killing him, right?” Dale stepped forward and asked. “I mean, why even bother to take a vote?” He paused looking around. “It's clear which way the wind's blowing.” He sighed.

“Well, if people believe we should spare him, I wanna know.” Rick finalised.

“Well, I can tell you it's a small group.” Dale spoke. He glanced around the room. “Maybe just me and Glenn.” He finished looking at Glenn, who was nervously looking around.

“Look, I... I think you're pretty much right about everything” he paused looking at Dale. “all the time, but this…” he trailed off.

“They've got you scared.” Dale argued

“He's not one of us.” Glenn tried to argue “And we-we've lost too many people already.” Glen sighed.

Dale held his arm out before dropping it, looking around the room, eyes landing on Maggie. “How about you? Do you agree with this?” He asked.

Maggie stood from the seat, arms crossed as she looked towards Rick.

“Couldn't we continue keeping him prisoner?” She asked, slightly shifting from one side to the other.

The man behind me scoffed softly. “Just another mouth to feed.” He stepped forward, moving his hand to brush against my wrist.

“It may be a lean winter.” Hershel had thrown into the conversation, Lori almost immediately responding.

“We could ration better.” She shrugged softly.

“Or he could be an asset.” Dale stepped forward. “Give him a chance to prove himself.” He gestured with with hands.

“Put him to work?” Glenn suggested. “We could use him to bring harvests in?” I asked, looking back at Daryl when he let out a huff of air.

“We're not letting him walk around.” Rick shook his head, looking between everyone.

“We could put an escort on him.” Maggie threw the idea out. “Not the worst idea.” I agreed.

Shane scoffed and stood forward, bending his head slightly.

“Who wants to volunteer for that duty?” “I will.” Dale confirmed, earning an eye roll from Shane.

Rick raised his right hand.

“I don't think any of us should be walking around with this guy.” “He's right. I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up.” Lori piped up.

“We can't exactly put chains around his ankles, sentence him to hard labour.” Andrea rolled her eyes at Lori’s comment. The latter of the two sending a glare towards the blonde.

A sigh erupted from Shane as he leant back onto the mantle. “Look, say we let him join us, right?” He paused shaking his head with each sentence.

“Maybe.. Maybe he's helpful, maybe he's nice.” He continues looking between us all.

“We let our guard down and maybe he runs off, brings back his 30 men.” “So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime that he may never even attempt?” Dale asked incredulously. “If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. Rule of law is dead. There is no civilisation.”.

“Oh, my God.” Shane scoffed, shaking his head and looking out of the window.

“Could you drive him further out? Leave him like you planned?” Hershel asked.

Rick looked deep in thought.

“You barely came back this time.” Lori spoke, glancing at her husband. “There are walkers. You could break down. You could get lost.” She continued. “Or get ambushed.” Daryl spoke, my head turning towards him as he spoke. His eyes were glancing at Shane as if he were thinking about what he and Dale had spoken about earlier.

“They're right. We should not put our own people at risk.” Glenn agreed. The room was silent for a brief moment when Patricia stood.

“If you go through with it, how would you do it?” She paused waiting for Rick to meet her eyes. “Would he suffer?”She asked.

“We could hang him, right?Just snap his neck.” Shane suggested. Rick only shook his head.

“I thought about that.” He paused. “Shooting may be more humane.”

“And what about the body? Do we bury-” T-dog began, only to get cut off by Dale. “Hold on, hold on. You're talking about this like it's already decided.” He stated waving his hands in front of the group.

“You've been talking all day, going around in circles.” Daryl scoffed, now pacing behind me as I lean against the wall. “You just wanna go around in circles again?”

“This is a young man's life, and it is worth more than a five-minute conversation!” Dale raised his voice.

“Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him?” He paused waiting for an answer. “You saved him, and now look at us.” He finished.

“He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?” He asked, hands nervously twisting his hat.

“We all know what needs to be done.” Shane is the first to speak up.

“No, Dale is right.” Rick nodded. “We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility…” Rick continued.

“So what's the other solution?” Andrea began to speak over Rick, earning a sharp glare from Lori

“Let Rick finish.” She snapped at the blonde, who in return ignored her and continued to speak.

“We haven't come up with a single viable option yet.” She paused looking around. “I wish we could.” She continued to be cut off by Dale.

“So let's work on it!” He raised his voice with each word. “We are.” Rick tried to speak to be cut off once more.

“Stop it.” Carol spoke, her voice raising for the first time in the meeting. “Just stop it.’ She continued. “I’m sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this.” She paused.

“Please decide, either of you, both of you, but leave me out.” Carol finished with a final shrug of her shoulders as she leant further into the door.

“Not speaking out or killing him yourself, there's no difference.” Dale shot at Carol who looked on with a tear in her eye.

“All right, that's enough.” Rick pointed towards the elder man.

“Anybody wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance.” Rick spoke with finality. Maggie and Patricia sat down. We all looked at each other in an awkward silence as Rick waited for someone to speak up. Dale stepped forward. “You once said that we don't kill the living.” “Well, that was before the living tried to kill us.” Rick responded. “But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were, the world that we knew is dead.” Dale exclaimed.

“And this new world is ugly. t's harsh. It's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in. And I don't believe that any of you do.” He shook his head. “I can’t.” He paused looking at everyone, pleading. “Please. Let's just do what's right.” He looked around. “Isn't there anybody else who's gonna stand with me?” He asked, voice hoarse from his arguing. We all looked between each other having silent conversations, as waves of nerves were rolling off of Dales form. “He's right.” Andrea got everyones attention. “We should try to find another way.”

I took a light step forward, nodding my head. “I’m with you Dale.” I smiled softly at the man who looked relieved to not be alone. “Anybody else?” Rick asked, glancing at everyone else who kept their gazes to the floor. My brothers eyes burning into my own. No one else spoke up, tallying three against ten.

“Are y'all gonna watch, too?” He asked, tears threatening to spill over. “No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being.” He shook his head moving out.

“Oh... I won't be a party to it.” He continued, stopping as he stood beside Daryl. “This group is broken.” He agreed to his earlier statement, leaving the house as we all stood in silence.

Shane let out a small laugh. “How else did he think this was going to go?” He shook his head scoffing. “Oh shut up Shane.” I shook my head. “What are you crazy? You’re the one that agreed with the crazy bastard.” “Don’t call him that. I agreed because I understand what he is saying. Unlike you I have consideration about other people and not for my own gain.” I sneered. Shane shook his head and looked away as the others stood in silence. I moved to leave, facing Daryl before leaving. “You have a mess to clean up in the tent.” I smiled tapping his shoulder and leaving the house. I watched from the porch as Dale entered his RV, moving down the stairs and making my way down to speak to him. Upon getting to the RV, I had heard cluttering and smashing. I quickly opened the door and climbed into the RV, heart breaking as he sat at the small table and cried. His wife’s mug in three pieces in front of him on the floor by the seat. “Dale?” I asked softly. He looked up and apologised. “No, don’t be sorry, what happened?” I asked stepping further into the RV, opening one of the compartments and getting out the dustpan, cleaning up the broken ceramic. “I didn’t realise that it was on the table, and I was so frustrated I-“ “Hey, it’s okay.” I soothed, placing the dustpan on the bench, moving to sit across from him, reaching my hand over the table and rubbing his arm. “I let it get the better of me, and I shouldn’t have.” “You’re only human Dale, things like this happen.” I comforted him. “Would you mind? I think I need to be alone for a little while.” “Of course.” I smiled softly. I moved to the bench and picked up the three ceramic pieces, digging through one of the drawers and finding superglue, I take it, leaving Dale be. I sat on one of the camping chairs, carefully piecing each piece of ceramic together and gluing them in place as the sun continued to decent into the horizon. “What happened?” A voice beside me spoke. “Irma’s mug fell off the table, ‘m trying to fix it for him.” I smiled up at Daryl. “Ya said I had a mess ta clean up?” He asked. “Yeah, couple’a fingers dropped from your jeans.” “Shit, Sorry ‘bout that.” He muttered, hand scratching the back of his neck. “It’s fine, just get rid of them yeah?” I asked with a soft smile. “Yeh.” He nodded as he placed his hand onto my shoulder, looking around and placing a quick peck to my lips. “I’ll do it now before we take that kid out.” “What’s the plan?” I asked softly. Daryl shook his head. “Ya ain’t gotta worry ‘bout it.” He said stalking off to the tent. I looked down at the two pieces that have been successfully glued together, and make carful work at joining the third. I smile as I turn the mug around, The cracks slightly visible as I smile to myself, letting it dry. I stood and opened the door to the RV, stepping up as Dale looked at the door. I smiled softly and placed the mug on the bench by the sink. His eyes slightly shone brighter and he smiled. “Thank you.” He whispered.

“You’re welcome Dale.” I nodded and left him alone. As I turned around I noticed everyone piling out of the house and coming to the camp. Andrea and Shane sticking by the house in a deep discussion, Andrea gesturing wildly with her hands. Lori and Carl were walking down behind Rick who was speaking with Hershel. Glenn and Maggie sharing a hug before she went back inside, probably to speak to Beth. Carol was straight onto preparing dinner. I walked over and sat with her, picking up the extra knife and wood block, slicing carrots as she cut potatoes. We shared a small smile as we worked. The sky turned darker each minute that passed, we were working in the dim lighting of the fire and a few lanterns that were slowly starting to lose power. The RV door opened and closed, I turned to see Dale heading off. The distance chatters from everyone slowly ceased as Rick, Shane and Daryl nodded to one another, the three leaving to head to the barn. The group all died down to a low chatter. Carol and I continued to prepare the stew we had all decided on, letting the vegetables boil in the pot with the seasonings and stock. Lori had been sitting in the corner, a nervous expression on her face. Andrea had been talking to Carol and I as we stood by the fire. Maggie and Glenn had been seated by one of the other tents. After fifteen minutes, crunching leaved echoed through the small camp, Rick emerged from behind one of the tents, Carl trailing with him. It was easy to tell that Carl had snuck out to follow his dad. We all went silent as we waited for our leader to speak. “We're keeping him in custody for now.” Rick spoke.

“I’m gonna find Dale.” Andrea smiled, holding her hand out to help me up. “Im coming.” I smiled.

Andrea and I walked to the track. “Ill go check the house.” Andrea spoke, beginning to head towards it. “And I’ll check near the barn.” I nodded jogging towards the old building.

The closer I got to the barn, the clearer I could see a familiar figure in the paddock behind the barn. I smile and pick up pace as make my way to him. He began to look down at something, pausing as he investigated. I squint as I see a slight movement and my stomach drops as I realise he isn’t alone. “Dale!” I call out as the walker moves closer. I pick up speed as I begin to sprint to him. “Dale Watch out!” I call out. He begins to turn and all I can hear is a scream as i witness the walker falling on top of him. “Dale!” I scream as I continue my way to him. I hear another commotion as I briefly look to my left, Rick and the others all making their way to Dale. I continue my sprint to the guttural screams coming from Dale and the sounds of snarling. Daryl makes it to the scene first, tackling the walker and killing it. By the time Daryl turns to come back to Dale, im on my knees besides the older man. Daryl jumps up waving his hands signalling to the others where we are. Looking down I pull my jacket off, placing it and my hands onto his torn apart stomach, trying to put pressure on the gaping hole. “Hang on Dale.” I cried softly. “Help! Run!” Daryl called out to the others. “Hang in there, buddy.” Daryl looked down. The others were shortly beside us. Rick dropped down beside Dale’s head, holding his face between his palms as his wife called out to him desperately. “All right, just listen to my voice. Listen to me, all right? Just listen to me. All right? Okay, hold on now.” Rick pleaded. “Get Hershel!” He yelled out. “Come on Dale.” I cried as Andrea dropped down beside me. “Hang on Dale.” She cried out with me, as she grabbed his hand. “Oh god.” Glenn cried when he had realised what was happening. “Get Hershel NOW!” Rick had called out once more, this time turning and looking at everyone. “Dale look at me, come on, look at me.” Andrea pleaded. “We’re getting you help Dale.” I nodded with her. Dale glanced between us all, eyes wide and silent, Chest covered in blood, as he spoke thus all in his mind. “What happened?” Hershel called as he ran onto the scene. Daryl pulled me away from Dale so Hershel could get closer to Dale, moving my jacket to view his wounds. Daryl turned me around in his arms and he moved my arms around his neck, my blood-soaked hands held up behind his head as I sobbed Into his chest, his hands rubbing soothing circles into my back. “What can we do?”Rick asked as Hershel inspected Dale.

“Dale, it's gonna be okay.” Andrea cried. “Can we move him?” Rick asked.

“He won't make the trip.” I heard Hershel speak. “You have to do the operation here.” Rick answered pausing. “Glenn, get back to the house.” Rick continued, sending the order.

“Rick!” Hershel cut him off. The sobbing grew louder as time ricked by. Rick had yelled out. “No!” I could hear Dale begin to groan in pain, the initial shock wearing off. I turned briefly, majority of my face still buried in Daryls chest as the tears cascaded freely down my face. “He's suffering.” Andrea cried out. “Do something!” She yelled. “Come on.” She begged.

“Oh, God.” I began to cry harder as Rick pulled his gun out, raising it above Dale’s head. I watched as Dale nodded in approval through my tears. Rick had stood there for a moment, hesitation clouding his movements. Daryl took a step forward, gently helping me kneel with Andrea, who’d turned and embraced me when she’d realised.

I watched Daryl kneel down, the gun a few centimetres from Dales skull. I lowered my head onto Andrea’s shoulder as Daryl nodded at me.

“Sorry, brother.” He spoke gently. I jumped as the gunshot echoed beside me. Andrea and I began to sob harder as he held each other, as the sounds of Dale’s pain induced groans halted. The rest of the group became quiet, other than the occasional sniffle from Maggie and Patricia, or the sounds of Carl’s hiccups. I could feel Daryl’s hand gently rub my shoulder as we all fell into silence.

Next part

Series masterlist

#twd #daryl dixon #daryl fanfiction #daryl x reader #daryl x you #the walking dead #x reader #in this hell #daryl dixion imagine #fanfiction

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ellitx · 4 years ago

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!! Long one inc with modern au college Himmel, will be hurt/comfort (might be cringe i dunno i went ham) TW: mentions of mental illnesses and self harm, mentions of injuries, and smut ye

Was a quiet rainy day as you slept, back pressed into your boyfriend's chest, you had decided to come over to watch movies and spend some time relaxing together after finals but about an hour in you let a lull like state wash over you.

"This is the only time you look so peaceful y/n.." Himmel thought, "if only you'd let your walls down a bit.. just enough to let me in.." he brushed your cheek with the back of his hand with a feather light touch on your cheek "Im so sorry that you have to carry so much weight.. I'd do anything to help wash it away or at least help lift it"

Drinking in your form as you slept softly into him, he wishes to stay like this for hours, but he knows that as soon as consciousness comes over you again, the walls will be re-built, and your shoulders will re-tense with the weight they bear. He leans in to kiss your temple and stroke your hair softly praying not to wake you

Recalling all the stories you told him, the shitty ex that was so selfish of his own desires that it implanted the idea that all intimacy was, was to please the man. Now leaving scars that you cant even take for yourself in those times even though all he wants is to please, and pour the love you desperately need into you, over and over but even a year or so into the relationship, you had only given to him.. bearly even allowing him to sheath himself in you, and thats just the tip of the iceberg " you dont even let anyone help you, but all you do is give, how much longer until you cup is empty.." He thought kissing you softly once more

"Hmm..?" You sir and turn to face him "I-i'm so sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep.." he strokes your hair again to hush you "Its okay, Im glad you were able to get some rest" he whispered kisses on the lips proper pulling you in a bit closer and letting his hands run up and down your sides. "Himmel I hope youre not upset at me.." you gripped onto his shirt a bit and buried your head in his chest "we were supposed to hangout today and I feel awful for falling asleep.." you mumbled

"Stop that now.. you were exhausted.. its really okay" he softly pulls your face up to kiss you again licking your bottom lip praying you let him in, turning you head slightly and parting your lips you let him in "Thank god at least this.." he thought as he let his toungue rub against yours while sliding his hands down your sides and slipping his finger tips under the hem of your tights.

A small flinch came from you as he did this as a bit of panic started to set in.. you were so self conscious of yourself, you didnt feel ever adequate enough even to call your self his lover or even to indulge yourself in things like this. He can feel you starting to tense up.. "Mmm.. y/n just relax love.. please.." he start trailing kisses down your neckline "H-Himmel.. I really don't know I.." tears start to well up in your eyes. He knew what was about to happen you were going to push him away and it made his heart squeeze in agony all he wanted was to give and show you love, but he didn't want to force it too much to scare you but it had been going on so long, so he tried shifting his weight to straddle you but you managed to squeeze out from underneath him.

"I-i'm sorry.. I think I should go.." you choke out, your voice shaky whilst trying to stay composed you head for the door. "Y/n Wait please!" You heaved a heavy sigh as you felt his hand catch your wrist, you try to twist out of it but he pulls you in firm but gentle.. " God y/n.. just let me in..please let me tear down those walls and let me love you.." he swallowed, his throat bobbing and icy blue eyes staring straight into yours "You can't keep pushing me out.., you won't even let me help you with anything and it hurts.. even when your sick and dead tired all you do is push me and anyone out.. saying that its alright but it's really not.." He chocked out between sobs "please y/n.. I love you.. and if you love me like you say you do then please just let me.. anyone, help you.. I cant stand to see you like this.. Ive known you for our whole lives almost and I finally have you.. and seeing you in pain from the hand you've been delt hurts more than you'd ever imagine..!

You stood frozen wet face and shaking, silently letting all the words sink in, you felt awful for doing this to him, you thought, he had been there with you through almost every step of your life, even giving you up to a man who he wasn't good to you because you said at the time because you said it was what would make you happy at the time and even now.. he'd be willing to throw everything at the wall to sew you back together, to see the smile, the true smile that he hasent seen in years.

And again all you could do is "I'm sorry Himmel you deserve someone better.. you've done so much for someone whos worth nothing.." so you get up and pull away from him once again and run out of the door into the rain but not soon after did you feel your soaked self being almost held with unwavering force "NO..! Not again.. not ever.. and plus I am not letting you leave this house in this weather I couldn't bear to see you sick from something I could prevent..!" He yells as he slung you over his shoulder carrying you back inside and into the bathroom

"Strip.. youre soaking wet.. and shaking.." he said calm but sternly ,you flushed at his command, hes usually not like this.. you thought through your tears and nervously removed your clothing as did he. You curled up to cover your naked form as he bent down placing a towel over your shoulders and held you, slowly rubbing to dry and warm you, and as soon as you were dry and coming down from your clouded tears, he helps you up off the floor draping the towel over the both of you leading to the mirror.

"Y/n.. I know when you look into this mirror you dont like what you see.. and think you dont deserve the I want to give you.. but please.." He pauses to hold your hands at your sides , to let all your beauty and all your scars, visible and unseen reflect back at you "see yourself through my eyes for just a bit my songbird.. you're not what you see.." you again begin to let tears fall and with a quiet sob "I-Im so sorry.. I do love you.. im just scared.."

"Then let me fix whats right here.." he snakes his arm around to gently rest a hand on your heart "and right here.." and his other over your womb space then lays his head on your shoulder with a kiss to the crook of your neck "Let me pull the sorrow from between your legs like silk.. knot after knot after knot.." he whispered almost pleadingly

"O-okay.." you lean into him a bit wiping your tears with the back of your hand kissing his temple. With that he gently picks you up with your legs wrapping around his waist he grips you firm and gentle untill he enters his bedroom, locking the door behind him, then setting you down on the bed not once letting go.

"Himmel.. are you sure you still..? "Shh.. please.." he kisses to hush you, then slowly trails soft sensual kisses down your body worshipping each and every inch, pouring all the love you gave him back into you trying to ignore his own arousal. Trying your best to keep still your face burned as he did this, not wanting to move and let any moans escape, you put your hand over your mouth to stifle them "no one will hear you its okay.." He said as he continues downward towards your heat "Nng.. my love I-" he felt you begin to tense up again he rubs his hands down your thighs and kisses them softly sucking and licking them "Just relax y/n.."

You breathed a shaky sigh as he spread your legs and began to slow rub at your core admiring your slick that adorned his finger tips. "Ahh..~ its a shame you've been keeping yourself from me.. your essence is divine" his hot breath so close to you it sent electricity you've never even felt before, were you even worthy of such extacy? you though stifling another moan, internally fighting the want to pull away again, if its what he wants then you shall deliver.

"Oh how Ive longed for this.. to please you, to drink in every once of you.. and to replace the pain with pleasure.." He began to lick a stripe up your slit and gently pressed his two fingers on your clit, swirling them in unison to bring you to a higher bliss "H-Himmel.. Ahh.. its so good.. Nng..!"

The heat building in you, you couldn't help but grind against him "Dont be ashamed love..~ do what mm..~ feels best for you.. dont hide your moans.. I wanna hear my pretty little song bird sing~! He saids darting this tongue deeper into you whilst grinding against the bed, he couldn't help it, its all ever dreamed of ashamedly, consuming you whole so his arousal was unmatched

Panting with heavy and louder moans you wrapped your legs around his head, letting gain more access, with him gripping onto your thighs and moaning into you, the vibrations coming from him wond you so tightly threatening to spill all over him.. so you grip his head and try to push him away "Ahh..! Im.. so close.. Himme-- Ahh!" He only grips you tighter and grinds himself harder against the sheets chasing his own release "Dont..! Aaah!! Im right there..dont push me off of you..! I love you so.. dont deny me..! Nnnng..!" And with him losing himself in you, lapping at you so desperately you come down onto him, covering him in you, with him coming in tandem..

Panting he wipes his face with the sheets "Thank you for finally letting me love you right.."

(im so sorry if this is omega long and kinda intense?? Kinda just rolling with it i have full himmel disease -💚)

ahhhh another himmel food <333 you’re feeding me so much with these sweet sweet himmel contents and i really really love it 🥺💕💕

I shall also feed you with a himmel content of my own as a thank you 😋 still working on it hehe

#submission #ellianswers #genshin impact x reader #💚 anon #venti brainrot #himmel #himmel x reader

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