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chiliiscereal · 4 years ago

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Hamato Sirani

Kitchen mishap

Day seven

"Hey, Siracha, wanna see some magic?" Leo grinned as they sat together at the breakfast table, waiting for Splinter to finish cooking the eggs.

She looked up from her bottle curiously.

Magic?

Leo scooted up in his chair excitedly and held out his juice box. "See this apple juice?" He pointed at it. "I'm going to make it DISAPPEAR!"

Sirani didn't know what 'disappear' meant. Or 'apple juice'. But Leo seemed excited so she should be excited to.

Mikey leaned closer as well.

Now that Leo had captured the younger two's attention, he was ready.

"Behold!" He took a huge sip of the juice, opened his mouth to show them it was there, and then waved his hands dramatically. Quickly, he swallowed it and open his mouth again. "Magic!"

Sirani's eyes were huge!

How had he made the juice disappear?!

Where did it go?!

She tried to stand up from her seat.

Mikey was frowning curiously.

Leo stood proudly, hands on his hips. "I know, I know, it's amazing."

"Again!" Mikey ordered, slamming his hand on the table.

Sirani babbled something along those lines and copied Mikeys actions. She slammed her hand onto the table as confidently as she could. She NEEDED more

"I guess I'll give the people what they want!" Leo shrugged casually, continuing his phony magic act.

"Mikey, E, that's not REAL." Donnie stressed, looking to his father for back up. When he received none he continued. "There's not such thing as magic. What it IS is science!"

"No, it's magic!" Leo crossed his arms.

"Science!"

Raph watched Leo and Donnie argue back and forth, unsure of which side he should be on. On one side, he wanted to watch Sirani and Mikey be entrance by the trick, and on the other he wanted them to know that's all it was: a trick.

He decided the best bet was to watch it play out.

Keep it neutral.

"It's science and you know it!" Donnie yelled.

"Im sorry that magic is too complex for you to understand." Leo rolled his eyes. "But they like magic more than they like science!"

"Not true! E sat with me yesterday while I read her a book about the digestive system!"

"And she AND Mikey both sat with ME while we watched a magic show on tv!"

"Tv doesn't count! Every kid likes Tv!"

"Are you boys done bickering?" Splinter asked them sternly, turning from the stove to narrow his eyes at them "I am TRYING to fix breakfast in peace."

Leo glared at Donnie and sat back in his seat, Donnie copying his actions.

Raph looked from brother to brother. Neither one were talking so he decided to break the ice. "You could always try just asking them instead of fighting?"

"Siracha can't even TALK." Leo huffed as he crossed his arms.

"Yeah, she and Mikey aren't even here." Donnie added.

The oldest frowned. "Well you still could- wait hold on they're not HERE?!" He jumped up, just now noticing the youngest two were missing. "They were just here! Where'd they go?!"

Their seats were both empty.

Not even a crumb was left.

"She can't even walk!" Raph leapt out of his chair. "How did they just leave?!"

"Well go find them!" Splinter nearly dropped the spatula when he noticed the youngest children were missing. "They can't be far!"

That's what happens when you turn your back for five minutes.

The three brothers scattered across the lair, searching every spot they could possibly be.

"Donnie, this is your fault!" Leo yelled as he nearly tripped over his own two feet. He tossed every pillow off the couch.

Donnie glared at him, coming out of his room empty handed. "My fault? You're the one that was obsessed with showing them magic! You distracted me from watching them!"

"Shut up and find them!" Raph ordered. "They can't be alone, okay! Hurry up!"

They could trip and fall, they could find something sharp, eat something they weren't supposed to... a number of things could go wrong.

Sirani sat beside Mikey happily, an orange crayon in her hand. He'd given it to her with an assortment of other drawing utensils.

She'd picked the orange because it was exactly what her brother was wearing. Why not?

Mikey grabbed ahold of her wrist and dragged it over the wall, both of them cheering as color was left behind.

To Sirani, it was almost as magical as what Leo had done. If not more so.

She swatted Mikey away and continued marveling at what the crayon was doing to the wall. She wanted to do it herself!

"Draw!" Mikey informed her with a toothy grin. He was trying to teach her what it was.

She giggled back at him, not even bothering to try repeating it. She didn't need to know the word to enjoy it.

She scribbled furiously.

Mikey picked up pink crayon and joined her.

It took their brothers way too long to find them.

About twenty minutes to be exact.

"I found them!" Raph's voice shouted, startling the drawing pair. "Dad!"

Splinter rushed into Mikey's room moving the chair the two were hiding behind out the way. Not only did it reveal his youngest children, it revealed a 'mural' they'd made together. Well, it wasn't exactly a mural. It was just scribbles. But it was a mural to Mikey and that was all that mattered.

Mikey gave his dad a huge grin. "Hi!"he waved at him, crayon still in hand.

Splinter didn't know what to do.

Yell at them?

Punish them?

Be proud that Sirani was being creative?

He settled on questioning them first.

He scooped up Mikey, Raph copying his actions by grabbing Sirani.

"Son, how did you and Sirani get here." He questioned him as he started picking up the drawing supplies. "You two can barely walk." He decided he'd put off his anger until he figured out what had happened.

"Dad it was so cool!" Mikey gushed. "We were flying! And- and- and Sirani!" He made a lot of wild gestures with his arms. "FLYING, DAD!"

Splinter couldn't make head nor tail of what Mikey was trying to say. "You walked?"

He shook his head vigorously. "No! Flying!"

Donnie gave him a suspicious look. "Flying is not possible, Mikey." he glared at Leo. "This is all Leo's fault for making you think magic was a real thing."

"Maybe you should have been watching them better, oh so manure one!" Leo bit back.

"It's pronounced MATURE! Which is something that you are NOT!"Donnie lifted his chin in the air.

"Enough." Splinter interrupted. "Orange, you and Sirani did not fly. There is no need to make up such absurd lies!"

"But Sirani did it!" He protested, trying to lean out of his furry arms. "She made us fly!"

Splinter gave in and set him on the floor. "No, you did not. Sirani cannot even walk."

At the mention of her name she looked up, no longer playing with the ends of raph's mask. She giggled and reached her arms out for Splinter.

Splinter took her from his oldest son, giving Mikey a stern look. "Michelangelo, you will never do anything like this ever again. You know better than to draw on the wall. Your sister, does not." He adjusted his grip as the small girl began fiddling with his robe. "You cannot take her like that again. You scared me AND your brothers. Now, apologize and never do that again."

Mikey looked down, upset that no one would believe him. "...I'm sorry."

He really did see her fly! And move things without even touching them! He wasn't lying to them!

But no one ever really believed him.

"Now that that's over," Splinter turned for the kitchen and reached down a hand for Mikey to take, "let's go eat."

Mikey grudgingly took splinters clawed hand and let himself be lead to the kitchen.

Donnie hypothesized that Mikey's imagination was too strong and he thought they flew, when in reality Mikey had just picked her up.

But Mikey knew better.

He remembered seeing the swirling colors as his pencils found their way into his hands by himself.

He remembered the way Sirani's eyes had glowed, both finally the same color of blue.

He knew what he saw.

But he couldn't prove it.

He waited a couple days to see if anything like that would happen again.

He stayed patient until no one had their eyes on her to put her to the test.

He sat her down on the floor across from him and took out a pencil. He sat it and a piece of paper just out of her reach.

"Fly." He said simply.

She just leaned forward and reached out for it.

He moved it further out of her reach. "No. Fly."

She blinked at him curiously.

He picked up the pencil again and moved it through the air as if it were an airplane. "Fly!'

She frowned and reached forward, taking it from his hands. Instead of making it fly she dragged it across the paper with glee.

Mikey sighed.

He must have imagined it.

It wasn't real.

Sirani was just a normal baby.

@amirulamani @dakotafinely

#rottmnt mikey #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt raph #rottmnt oneshots #rottmnt leo #rottmnt imagine #rottmnt headcannons #rottmnt fic #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt #rottmnt incorrect quotes #rottmnt spoilers #rottmnt movie #tmnt fanfiction #rise of tmnt

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chikkou · 4 years ago

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okay i was scrolling through your blog, im not a follower or anything, but i see youre passionate about the lisa series. i want your opinion on something, dingaling said that the worst character in the series is lisa, and that his least favorite is buddy. fair enough for buddy, but i think its really cruel and unfair to say lisa is worse than her father, who literally made her commit suicide. even if she treated people bad, it was marty that made her act that way. thoughts?

oh anon, i am so fucking sorry but u just awakened the fucking beast and u dont even know it LMAO

i agree that calling lisa the worst character in the series is extremely unfair given all the terrible people we encounter, and of course that she only acted the way she did because of her OWN abuser, but this is the reasoning dingaling gave when people obviously commented on this:

and i can actually understand what he was trying to say here. calling her the “worst” is a poor choice of words and that title definitely belongs to someone like marty or bolo, but in terms of impact, lisas death is absolutely the biggest driving force behind the entire olathe universe, and almost exclusively in bad ways. to wit:

- the most obvious example is the thread of the armstrong family (specifically marty, brad, lisa, and buddy. ill get into rando separately). because of lisas suicide, brad began abusing painkillers and alcohol and became an addict. his addiction made him a terrible father to buddy, and his constant regret over lisa meant that he never really saw buddy as an entity separate from lisa. buddy doesnt even know any of this, but she knows that brad doesnt see the real her, and is probably aware to a certain extent that she is living in the shadow of a ghost.

- lisas suicide is also what drives brad to keep buddy instead of giving her to rando as a baby, as he considers her his best chance at atonement. if lisa had not died, brad would likely not have been so obsessive, and wouldve seen the benefit of giving buddy to someone who had the resources to keep her well-protected. by extension, lisas suicide is what makes him so desperate to get buddy back before the unthinkable happens, and its why he doesnt really give a second thought to mowing down innocent people just because they happen to be in his path

- speaking of rando, theres a direct correlation between lisas death and most of what happened to him. while the timeline isnt exactly clear on when things happened, it seems the most likely that brad adopted him not long before her suicide, as buzzo mutilating his face seems to have been in response to it. if lisa had not died, buzzo would have had no reason to literally scar rando for life, and brad would not have disowned/estranged him (as this was implied to be due to extreme guilt after seeing what buzzo did to him)

- and of course, the person who was impacted by lisa the most - bernard, aka “buzzo” - wouldnt even EXIST if lisa hadnt died. now, granted, the worst things lisa actively did herself all involve buzzo: she convinced him to mutilate animals to practice amputation, then did the same with herself even though buzzo told her he didnt want to, and may or may not have been manipulating him the whole time instead of genuinely caring for him (that last point is heavily debatable, and personally i think she DID really love and trust him, but its worth mentioning nonetheless). but in my personal opinion, given what she was experiencing every single day, its really hard for me to blame her for thinking that she had no other alternative.

all that said, having buzzo mutilate her was a clear last resort to get marty to stop abusing her, and theres a strong implication that lisas suicide came very shortly after that plan failed. even though buzzo was already pretty messed up from the previously mentioned mutilations, lisas death was absolutely the catalyst that flipped him into murder/revenge mode. he blamed brad wholeheartedly for not “saving” her, and punishes him repeatedly throughout the games (by cutting randos face off, by force-feeding him joy to ensure hed mutate, by forcing him to either kill his friends or be amputated, so on and so forth). you can argue that perhaps he wouldve still “become” buzzo if he still mutilated her and she didnt kill herself, but i absolutely think that he would not have harbored nearly as much ill will toward brad if lisa had lived. that leads me to my final point, pretty much the biggest reason why i see what austin is saying, but it still pales in comparison to this:

- olathe itself probably wouldnt even exist if lisa hadnt died. her suicide was one of the major driving forces behind buzzo deciding to work with yado, and it was only because of their joint cooperation that olathe became what it is. we still dont know the exact nature of the flash, but its strongly implied that the creation and distribution of joy was a key part of the process, and that wouldnt have happened without buzzo. if lisa hadnt died, buzzo wouldnt have had any reason to work with yado at all. this means that, as an indirect cause of lisas death, all of humanity was doomed to go extinct.

and thats what i think austin really meant, especially with that comment that “she wont ever die.” lisa is in everything, every part of olathe and every person who exists there, and they dont even know it. because of lisas trauma, and all the horrible things she had to withstand at the hands of a man, her memory becomes something of a vengeful ghost. she sticks with brad and convinces him to adopt a child he has no means of caring for and repeating the cycle of abuse. she sticks with buzzo and convinces him to punish brad for her death because he has to blame somebody, anybody for what happened to her. she sticks with buddy, who doesnt even know her name, and convinces her to take back her autonomy and her life, even if that means killing everyone in her path. i also think thats why buzzo says that lisa would have loved olathe had she lived to see it; its basically a world made to punish the same kinds of people as the person who caused her untimely death in the first place.

now, again, it can easily be debated that MARTY is actually the one with the biggest (negative) impact, since it is because of his abuse that lisa dies and that brad is severely traumatized, violent, and dealing with concurrent addictions. but hes not the direct catalyst for anything that came after the flash. he didnt kill lisa. in fact, her death is probably the last thing he wanted, fucking monster that he is - lisas suicide was one of the few things lisa got to choose for herself. and i think the fact that marty is delegated to one fairly short conversation and battle in the game proper is what clinches it for me; even though he is definitely a disgusting monster and drove a good portion of the plot, its lisa herself that has the most direct impact. so i would never call lisa the worst at fucking all, but in terms of the most widespread impact on the world as a whole? yeah, thats gotta go to lisa. theres a reason the games still bear her name, after all.

i also have some thoughts about his opinions on buddy but this is already too fucking long so im just gonna stop it here LMAO

tl;dr lisa is not the worst character at all, but has the most widespread negative impact on the world out of every character in the game

#anya's anons #lisa the painful #lisa the joyful #lisa the first #long post #lisa #this poor anon really did not know what they were getting into sdnfdsjk

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

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You & Me : chapter 19

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i would really appreciate your thoughts? please? that would mean a lot to me 💗 also there will probably be a lot of smut in the next few chapters. please let me know if youre okay with that? thank you!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : thanks so much for all the requests I LOVE THEM! im gonna read all of them again and write down ideas with them soon so i plan them in specific places in this story. please keep them coming!

Chapter 19 : His chapter

NIALL

I couldn't take her out of my mind. At every single moment of the day, no matter what I was doing, the thought of her was obsessing me and invading me completely. I couldn't think straight anymore and even if the fact that being so crazy in love with her was troubling, I knew it was something that was engraved in me. I was fucked. There was no way I was getting out of this. All I wanted to do was drive to her place and spend time with her. I knew it was a bit crazy and that obviously, we couldn't be together every single minute of every single hour of every single day... but I was ready to try.

In an impulse, I got off my couch and grabbed my keys before walking outside. I didn't run, I didn't even hurry up, I just walked to my car feeling light and serene. I parked and walked to the door the exact same way before ringing the bell and when the door opened, I smiled a little, raising my eyebrows.

"Hey, we need to talk."

I watched her frown and she moved away to let me in. I quickly walked inside and closed the door as she walked quickly to the kitchen, turning to glance at me on her way.

"I was just making myself a shake, you want one?"

I pushed my hands in my pockets and cleared my throat. "No, thanks." I followed her slowly and stared at her as she moved around the kitchen. I didn't know why, but everything she did annoyed me.

"Heidi, look, I think it's time we stop."

"We stop what?" she asked, filling her glass without looking at me.

"This relationship."

This time, she stopped everything she was doing and closed her eyes, breathing in and out slowly before opening her eyes again and turning to me. I was expecting a tantrum but if I wanted to be honest with myself, I was ok with it. It was not the first time we broke up but I knew it was the last time.

"It's because of her, isn't it?"

I stared at her for a few seconds and sighed before shrugging and shaking my head slightly.

"Yes and no." I admitted, raising my eyebrows. "I love her, it's true. But also, I've stopped loving you."

She frowned more and her lips parted as she leaned the side of her body against the counter. I stared at her for a few seconds, realizing that she had no effect on me anymore. Yea, she was hot, but there was no desire, no need, no craving. It was not normal after only a few months, was it? I enjoyed sex the whole time I was with Olivia, and wanted her as bad if not even more as when we started dating. I had no idea if it was linked with love or not but it didn't matter. I knew I didn't want to be with Heidi anymore and I was sure it would never come back.

"Don't you see she's playing with you?" Heidi added, frowning even more. "She's getting married, Niall! To an other man! You think she'll drop him and her perfect life to go back with you? Does she even know everything you did after you broke up with her?" she scoffed and rolled her eyes. "It's ridiculous to break up with me, you'll definitely regret it."

It didn't even sound like a threat, it was literally just a fact for her, something she knew would happen, something she just had to wait for, like I was obviously going to crawl back to her eventually. That too didn't matter to me. She could think whatever she wanted.

"You'll be fine." I just pointed out with a shrug, ignoring her rant.

"Don't flatter yourself, Niall. Unlike your ex girlfriend, I won't fall into depression before hanging to the first man that is kind to me. I can live without you. You don't have that ridiculous control over me where I would just do whatever you wanted me to, whenever you wanted me to."

I frowned too, shocked by her words, and scoffed, shaking my head.

"There's literally no reason to be so mean."

"Mean? Who's really mean here, Niall?" she asked, crossing her arms on her chest. "I was there when you broke up with her and when all your friends took her side and abandoned you. I was there through it all, I helped you get back on your feet, and how do you thank me? You go shag your ex girlfriend in my back and then break up with me for her with the ridiculous hope that she's going to take you back."

I wanted to repeat to her that i also stopped loving her, that it was not only because of my feelings for Olivia, and that I didn't do that for anyone but myself, but I knew it was useless.

"You two deserve each other." she just let out.

She didn't seem sad but I knew her well enough to realize that she was hurt and I sighed, licking my lips.

"I'll... show myself out." I just said, trying to keep the anger in. "I'll send you your stuff, don't worry."

I turned around and walked to the door but just as I was about to step out, I heard her voice again.

"Keep them! It's useless to bring my stuff back here, you'll come back eventually." she pointed out, making me roll my eyes. "She'll break your heart soon enough!"

As soon as I got inside my car, I wanted to talk to Olivia. I knew It was not a good time but I couldn't take it out of my mind. I had no idea how I would tell her that I broke up with Heidi either. I knew Olivia told me to wait to tell Heidi about me and her, but that's not totally why I broke up with Heidi anyway, and I just hoped Olivia wouldn't be too mad.

When I came back, I decided to gather all of Heidi's stuff I could find and put it in boxes. I brought them close to the door to get them delivered to her as soon as possible. I didn't want this to drag and be stuck with it for months. I wanted this to be over with and put it in the past. I was not going back to her, no matter what Heidi seemed to believe.

I ended up in the guest room and when my eyes fell on the nightstand, I held my breath. Olivia's panties were still there. I had even put the second pair that she gave me at the club at the same place, to make sure that Heidi wouldn't find them. I couldn't resist much longer and walked up to it, opening the drawer and taking both pairs in my hands. I stared at them for a while before sitting in bed and leaning my back on the headboard with a sigh. I closed my eyes and thought about what had happened when we were supposed to celebrate Harry's birthday, my fingers gripping her panties harder. Of course, we had had an intense discussion on the next morning but the sex, even if not really what I had hoped for, was exactly what I expected. I had missed her and the way she felt and I couldn't hide that I also missed how hard she could make me cum. I wished I could have lasted longer, but I couldn't wait to feel myself inside her again and I groaned low when I felt myself getting hard.

I could still hear her moan and pant but the most exciting was when she told me she was mine, and when she whimpered my name loud enough for the whole house to hear. I had no idea if they heard anything but the fact that she willingly did that to make me horny was perfect and the way she whispered again that she belonged to me as I came made my orgasm even stronger. It was true, perhaps I as a bit jealous of the fact that she had sex with Louis but just like Heidi and Louis both liked to remind me, I hadn't been quite wise myself after I broke her heart.

The more I thought about that night, the harder I was getting and when I brought my hand to my pants, I grunted, feeling myself twitch from my own touch. Moving my ass up, I pushed my short down and grabbed my cock with one hand before taking my phone and snapping a quick picture. The outline of my dick was very clear through my boxers and I decided not to think and just sent it with a short message.

'I can't wait to be inside you again.'

I waited for an answer as my heart was thumping inside my chest and my eyes were glued to the screen of my phone. It took only a few minutes but it felt like an hour.

'Show me' was all she sent and my eyebrows raised as I chuckled.

'You show me'

It took again a few minutes but when I clicked on the picture she sent, my eyes roamed around it. It was just her chest stuck into a shirt but I could see the shape of her hard nipple, along with the barbell on each side. Her hand was grabbing the other one and I let out a curse word when I notice I could see her lips at the top of the picture and the fact that she was biting her bottom one made me even hornier. I loved how her whole tit fitted in her hand and I noticed her other hard nipple poking between her fingers.

'You're such a tease. Please petal, show me'

'I'm a tease? You barely showed me anything. 😝'

I chuckled again at her message but I still hesitated. It's not that I didn't trust her, in fact, I trusted her more than anyone in the world, but sending that kind of picture could be very dangerous. Still, I took my cock out of my boxers and squeezed it with my left hand before taking a picture. I was so horny that I was not really thinking with my head anymore but I still took the time to double check, making sure I was sending it to the right person. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw it was sent and waited for her answer. I could feel my cock throb against my palm but when I saw her picture, it literally twitched. She had moved her shirt up and was holding the bottom of it in her mouth. One of her hands was still holding her left tit but I could still see her hard nipple between two of them while the other was just free and exposed to my avid eyes.

'Since you said you missed them, here's a picture you can keep. 😏'

Without thinking, I started jerking myself off while staring at her picture. I couldn't stop thinking about her and how bad I wanted her but after a while, I messaged her again.

'Nothing I want more than to cum all over your tits and make you mine.'

It took her only a few seconds to answer this time.

'You need to know i'm rubbing my pussy right now, looking at your cock'

The thought was so hot I let out a curse word and had to stop stroking my cock. I was already close but I wanted this whole conversation to last a little longer. I had sent and received a few dirty messages before but I've always preferred physical contact to long distance sex, obviously. I could just ask her to come over, or rush out and drive to her, but this was clearly a first time I enjoyed and I tried to push my luck a little.

'Show me your pretty little cunt'

I didn't know if she would really do it but it was worth a try and when I received the picture, I quickly let go of my cock and glanced it it, noticing it twitching again.

"Oh my fucking god."

I closed my eyes but all i could see behind my eyelids was the pictures she sent me and the way she came when I fingered her. I waited a few seconds to make sure I was not too close from an orgasm again and opened my eyes, quickly typing an answer to her.

'You make me want to cum so fucking bad.'

I blinked a few times after sending it, realizing that I made a few typos, and took my cock in my hand again, stroking myself as slowly as I could. It was insane to realize that she could turn me on almost just as much with words and pictures than when she was physically with me.

'Please cum for me and then show me.'

My lips parted and i just scrolled up the conversation to look at the pictures she sent me as my hand moved up and down on my cock, rubbing against the tip and going back down until my balls. I couldn't stop thinking about cumming all over her and it only took me a minute or two to actually feel an orgasm hit me. I closed my eyes tight and brought my dick closer to me to cum on my stomach, letting out a few grunts and curse words, my face twisting with pleasure. When I came down from my high, I sighed and loosened the grip on my phone to take a picture that I sent to her. I knew it was the kind of things she enjoyed and after sending her, I quickly found tissues to clean myself. I pulled my shorts and boxers up and got up to go to the bathroom just as I got an other message.

'You made me cum so hard I shook and moaned your name.'

She had sent one last picture and when I saw it, my lips parted again.

"Fuck."

It was simply a picture of her mouth as she was sucking her fingers and I leaned against the bathroom counter for balance as a throbbing sensation hit my whole body.

'I wish I could have seen that, petal. Please come over tomorrow night.'

I couldn't pretend I didn't expect her to deny the invitation but I hoped that her post-orgasm feeling would be in my favor. I knew her well enough to realize that if she said no, it was because she felt guilty about her boyfriend but I was also pretty sure that she wanted to spend time with me. Perhaps it was in the way she touched me on the night we fucked, or maybe it was the way she looked at me before we kissed... I was not really sure. All I knew was that I could feel it deep inside me. I knew that what I felt, she felt too, and although she was not ready to trust me again, it was a challenge for her to stay away from me and stop herself from physically being with me.

'What time?'

My heart jumped in my chest and my lips curled into a bigger smile than I thought. It was only the anticipation of being close to her again but I felt my whole body on fire.

'7pm'

----

I checked the list I had made but I was pretty sure I was forgetting something. I had spent the day running errands and preparing food and when I finally decided to get dressed, I only had ten minutes left. I panicked before remembering that Olivia was always late. Sometimes, it was only a few minutes, some other times, it was half an hour, and although it was a flaw I completely hated, since I was the total opposite, I was sort of glad she was like that if only to give me time to put something else on other than this old pair of sweatpants and t-shirt.

I was working on my hair when the doorbell rang and I let out a curse word, moving my hair up a bit more with my fingers and sending myself one last look in the mirror. I rushed to the door and when I opened it, my lips curled again.

"Sorry, I'm a few minutes late." she started as I moved back to let her in. "I had to rearrange my make up last minute."

"At least you didn't fall asleep." I joked as I smiled more, making her lose her smile.

"Okay that happened once."

"More like a million times." I chuckled, making her grimace. "Oh remember that time you fell asleep and we had that stupid test and I literally wrote your name on my copy?"

This time, her lips curled in a fond smile and she tilted her head on the side. I loved the way she was looking at me. That was exactly how I wanted to make her feel at all times, or almost.

"I remember." she let out in a low tone. "I was surprised because we were both in trouble and your mom had threatened you not to let you go to the football game if you failed."

"Heard it was a great match." I laughed as she put her purse on the couch, following me to the kitchen. "Your parents though, they had said they wouldn't let you out for a month or something. I didn't want to spend a month without you."

"I wish we had dated back then." she let out as she seemed lost in her thoughts but as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she tensed and glanced in my eyes before looking away and letting out an embarrassed chuckle. "Sorry that was... out of line." she added, shaking her head.

I took a step closer, putting my glass away, and cupped her face, tilting her head up to look in her eyes. There were so many things I wanted to tell her but I wasn't sure they would come out of my mouth properly and I ended up just licking my lips and kept it simple.

"That wasn't out of line, it was legit." I explained, breathing in. "Sometimes, I wish we had dated back then too... but at the same time, who knows how things would have turned out if we had? Maybe we wouldn't even be friends anymore."

She nodded with a sad expression and pressed her lips together. I stared at her for a few more seconds before bending down and capturing her lips with mine. I closed my eyes, just enjoying the way she tasted and when I pulled away, I let my hands run on her shoulders and arms.

"Uhm, " I started, clearing my throat. "Chicken is good for you?"

For some reason, I was nervous. I has a few things I wanted to clear with her and I had no idea how it would go but I still hoped she would stay the night. She nodded and we sat at the table but I just laughed when she took a seat next to me instead of in front of me. She brought her utensils and plate to her new spot and I shook my head slightly with a chuckle before she turned to me again.

"What's the point in being so far apart?" she asked, reaching for my hand on the table, running her fingertips on the back of it. "I missed you."

I stared at our hands for a few moments before turning my palm up and grabbing her fingers. Her lips curled slightly more and she looked up in my eyes before frowning.

"Are you okay?"

I licked my lips and squeezed her fingers in mine before moving my upper body closer, my eyes not looking straight into hers.

"Please don't be mad, but there's something I have to tell you." I let out as her lips parted and her eyes got bigger. I knew it was stressing her and I decided to just spill it out, hoping it wouldn't ruin the evening. "I broke up with Heidi."

"Oh."

"I didn't love her anymore, I couldn't just stay with her for form. I know you didn't want me to do it and it was probably because you didn't know what you wanted and you didn't want to be responsible for this break up but... you're not. I mean okay, i broke up with her also because I love you, but you're not to blame for this break-up, it's on me, and I wanted it. I wanted out of this relationship."

Her eyes roamed on my face as she listened to my speech and finally, she nodded slightly.

"Okay, Niall."

I sighed in relief and chuckled nervously as she tilted her head and raised her eyebrows.

"You were scared of my reaction?"

I felt my cheeks turn red and brought my hand to the back of my head, scratching it as I chuckled and cleared my throat.

"Yea, a bit."

She tried to hide her smile by biting her bottom lip but all it did was make me glance at her mouth. I thought about the picture of her breasts in a hidden folder of my phone, where she held her shirt up between her teeth and my whole body throbbed.

"So, you're single?" she finally asked, grabbing her fork and playing with her food.

"I am." I admitted as she nodded. "But... you're not."

She stopped moving completely and finally put her fork down before sighing. She didn't seem mad, she seemed tired or exhausted... and a bit sad, too. It made me want to take her in my arms and hold her close to me until she'd feel better.

"No, I'm not." she sighed again. "Look, Niall, I'm gonna be very honest with you... Dylan knows we had sex or I mean, I tried to tell him when we kissed but he assumed we fucked. He said... to go through what I have to go through with you and then meet him at the altar."

I let out an other nervous chuckle and frowned. "That's a... joke, right?"

The way she looked at me confirmed that it was not and I scoffed, leaning my back on my chair and crossing my arms on my chest as I shook my head. Was that serious? Did my ex girlfriend let me fuck her and sent me nudes to 'live what she had to live' with me and that was it? It was so infuriating I laughed again but without amusement as I tried to keep my anger inside.

"Jesus christ." I cursed and looked back at her. "So basically, you're having a little fun with me and then you're just leaving and getting married to an other man?"

"Niall, please-"

"No!" I cut her, getting up to pace the room as I passed my hand in my hair, pulling on it from time to time. "I'm not a fucking toy, Olivia, you need to stop playing with me! Fuck off!"

She got up too and walked to me. I expected her to scream or tell me to calm down but instead, she got on her tiptoes and kissed me. I relaxed as her lips moved gently against mine but I didn't dare touching her and she didn't touch me either. We were just kissing deeply and slowly but also greedily. The desire I felt in the way she kissed me made mine even stronger and when she whimpered in my mouth, I felt something stir in my stomach.

"I didn't decide anything, Niall." she confessed in a murmur, her lips brushing against mine. "I don't know if i'm gonna marry Dylan. It's the first time I admit that out loud."

I let my eyes roam on her. She was so close it was the only thing I could see : her sad eyes staring right back at me. I could smell her perfume and feel her warm breath on my lips and nothing could make my heart stop beating extra hard in my chest.

I just crashed my mouth against hers again and pulled her body closer to mine. I wanted to skip dinner and bring her to my room even if it was not the plan and when I felt her hands grip the front of my shirt, I groaned.

"I made all this food." I whispered with a chuckle.

"I know, we can eat it later."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam #please i need feedback!!!

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calpalirwin · 4 years ago

Text

Blood is Thicker Than Water

Summary and A/N: Our little family has a very strong understanding that biology only goes so far. The rest of the world seems to be a little bit slower at grasping the concept, especially now that the twins are born. AKA: the pissed off Ashton fic

Word Count: ~1k

And away, and away we go!

“So, before we delve into the interview here, congratulations are in order. Ashton, you just became a father. How’s that’s been adjusting to being a first-time father to twins?”

“Biological dad,” Ashton amended, his jaw tensing ever so slightly. “Uh, but it’s great. A little hectic admittedly because there’s two of them this time around. But, my wife and I couldn’t be happier with the newest additions to our family.”

“And are the twins going to call you ‘daddy,’ or are we still sticking with ‘papa’ like your stepkids call you.”

Again, Ashton’s jaw ticked, tongue clicking in his cheek, his fingers curling into fists. “Henry and Hope will eventually call me ‘Papa’ just like Mason and Bailey do now,” was the tightly controlled response.

“Wonderful, wonderful. And I bet Luke’s being plenty helpful in showing you the ropes of how to bond with your kids, like he learned to do with Posy.”

“I’m sorry?” both men asked, leaning forward slightly, certain their ears were playing tricks on them. There was no way their interviewer could be this dense.

“Well, Luke, I imagine your bonding experience with Posy was different from yours with Lily. And I imagine Ashton’s is very similar.”

“No,” Luke shook his head quickly. “No. The bonding experience I had with Posy was the exact same one I had with Lily.”

“Yeah, and I was in the hospital with my wife when she had Bailey. I’m not sure what you’re trying to insinuate here. That our bond with our ‘step’ kids is somehow less than the one we have with those who share our DNA?” Ashton put air quotes around the word ‘step’ and physically gagged on actually saying it.

“Well…”

“That’s such bullshit…” Luke muttered under his breath, giving a sad shake of his head.

“Say that louder, Luke,” Ashton encouraged, his eyes flashing dangerously.

“That’s bullshit,” Luke repeated in a stronger tone. “There’s so much more to being a parent than DNA, and to suggest otherwise is downright insulting.” The blonde unclipped his mic, setting it down on a small end table beside him, before rising to his feet. “We’re done here.”

“Exactly,” Ashton nodded in agreement, but not rising to his feet before taking his chance to give the interviewer a piece of his mind. “In my opinion, there is a huge difference between being fathers and being dads. I have a father. But, I am a dad. To all four of my kids. The same way Luke is a dad to both of his daughters. When you’re there for these kids every day like we have, there’s no ‘step’ anything about it. So, I believe, what you meant to say was ‘Hey, Ashton, congrats on the twins, how is it adjusting to having two at once compared to one at a time?’ because I am a parent to four fantastic kids, not two. Period. End of discussion. And end of interview.” With his final words, Ashton rushed to his feet, ripping off his mic and dropping it on the floor, before following Luke out the door.

~~~

News of Ashton and Luke storming out 10 minutes into an interview hit the tabloids like a tidal wave, to the point where the two men were directed by management to lay low for a while. It was heavily suggested that the men make a formal apology for their “unprofessionalism” and get an interview rescheduled, but after some more choice words, and backing from Calum and Michael, an apology was never made and interviewing through that particular channel again was quickly scratched off from future promo lists.

Laying low, however, didn’t stop paparazzi from finding Finn to get his side of things. “Mr. Campbell!” one of them shouted as Finn walked from his office to his car. “Could we have a quick word?”

“About what?” Finn asked, neither slowing or quickening his pace.

“Did you find it at all irritating of Ashton referring to your children as his?”

“Do you have another team out pestering Cory with your inane questions?” Finn asked in lieu of answering. Then, “Actually, don’t answer that. No. I’m not the least bit irritated at Ashton referencing Mason and Bailey as his. Or jealous because that’s the actual word you’re looking for. No. Ashton’s relationship with Mason and Bailey doesn’t diminish my own with them, anymore than mine diminishes his. I fully agree with what Luke said about there being more to being a parent than just simple DNA. I think it’s very easy to paint biological and step parents as sworn enemies, and it is unfortunate that that is some people’s experience. But that is not my family’s experience. Nor will it ever be. And honestly, the fact that the world cannot seem to wrap it’s head around the idea that children can have 4 parents- and you’ll be smart to notice that I’m omitting ‘biological’ and ‘step’ and I do that for a reason- is frankly baffling. Actually, I would argue that it has far more to say on those who would willingly shit on the concept of children having multiple parents who love than unconditionally than it will ever say about how my own family operates. Now, if you’ll kindly excuse me, I’m on my way home to see my wife and kids.” Finn’s calm and steady tone gave off the impression that he was bored rather than annoyed, his words holding no malice, only simple fact.

He opened his car to get in, but paused briefly. “Oh,” he added, a thought coming to him, “and when you put this in the latest celebrity/entertainment news, if there is even the smallest indication that you diminished anyone of my family member’s relationship to another family member’s, or twisted my words in any way to suit your own narrative, I will personally make sure you see the end of this riveting career you call journalism. And yes, that includes any mention of the word ‘biological,’ ‘step-relationship,’ or, God forbid, ‘real.’ And if you have to think about whether or not it qualifies, chances are it doesn’t. Any questions? No? Good. Have a nice rest of your evening.”

Tag List

@frontmanash @goeatsomelife @flameraine @creator-appreciator @cxddlyash @1-irwin-94 @sparkling-calm @tea4sykes @youngblood199456 @5-seconds-of-obsession @gosh-im-short @aquarius-hood1996 @talkfastromance4 @itjustkindahappenedreally @philthepegacorn @boomerash @teenwolfss24 @karajaynetoday @myfavfanficsever @stormrider505 @cashtonisruiningmylife @another-lonely-heart

#blood is thicker than water #ashton irwin #ashton irwin fic #ashton&vanessa #ash&mase #mase&bai #henry&hope #we only support healthy relationships in this household #5sos #special guest appearance/reference by @talkfastromance4's luke & his flowers #i love intertwining our worlds Hailey!#galcal irwin

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mithranqueersmusings · 4 years ago

Text

The Night Before X

Chapter: 10/15

Rating: T

Summary: Ringo hangs around after the club closes and meets a stranger.

Tags: Smut, Slow Burn

Pairing: George Harrison/Ringo Starr (Background McLennon)

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

Morning seemed to arrive suddenly without much warning, Ringo pressed his head down onto the pillow and before he knew it several hours had passed. He felt far more refreshed than he'd been expecting, but the mess in the living room was enough to remind him of last night's antics. George woke up relatively soon after Ringo, enjoying the cups of tea Ringo made for the both of them. They didn't speak much, but Ringo felt there wasn't anything that needed to be said, they just enjoyed one another's company as they trudged through their waning hangovers.

The two of them recounted the night fondly over pieces of toast, not wasting much time before they headed over to reclaim George's abandoned attire. The host of the party, whom neither of them recognised, gave them a strange look as they returned the shirt and shoes. Apparently nothing major had happened with the police, seemingly they just wanted to scare everybody off. Ringo feigned being annoyed at the prospect, but in reality he couldn't have been happier with how the night had turned out.

Returning to Ringo's, George hopped into the shower once again. Ringo began clearing up, which consisted mostly of chucking everything into a bin bag which was left in the kitchen to be dealt with later. While he waited for George to finish he finally responded to John's texts.

sorry i didn't see these im still with george

you really are obsessed with him aren't you??

no comment

well good for you rings its about time you got some

thanks dad

you wanna come over later?? paul wants to get a chinese

sounds good to me

be sure to bring all the juicy details about your juicy date

it wasn't a date

was it juicy????

shut up ill see you later

It wasn't long after Ringo put his phone down that George had reappeared, fully dressed with his hair slightly damp.

"Hey, I don't want you to think I'm running out on you or anything..." George began.

"But you're gonna run out on me." Ringo completed with a grin.

"Yes." George chuckled "I had a great time though, really. Thanks for everything, you're an absolute saint."

"My pleasure." Ringo couldn't help feeling a little sad, knowing that they'd soon be apart "Do you want a lift back?"

"No, no, you've done more than enough already." George fiddled with the zip on his jacket.

They looked at one another for a few moments before Ringo broke the silence "Can I see you again? Preferably sober, but I'm flexible."

George laughed "Sure... I'm a little busy these next few days but I'll let you know. I've got your number."

"Alright well I guess I'll see you later, then." Ringo smiled solemnly.

"See you later." George repeated, turning to leave but stopping for a moment "Let me know how much I owe you for those chips."

"Oh, sure." Ringo nodded "They were alright then?"

"I've had better." George smiled "Next time I'll chose where we eat."

Ringo said nothing more, just widening his smile a little as George made his way out of the flat. Ringo tried to keep his spirits light, focusing on the day ahead. At least George seemed genuine about wanting to see each other again, Ringo could hold onto that for a while at least.

He headed straight back to bed, an easy way of making time pass before he could see John and Paul. Most of the remaining time he spent cleaning, just to make the time pass. Having a moment of weakness, he picked up the shirt George had discarded and brought it to his nose to smell. It only made him miss George all the more, but he tried to think of another things as he tidied up the mass of clothes cascaded around the room. It was a difficult balance of remaining positive without being too optimistic about his relationship with George, yet he didn't want to try too hard to be realistic and confront the fact that it was very possible that nothing more would come from their time together. It was hard to deny that their connection felt far too special for it to mean nothing at all, but Ringo had read the signs wrong many a time in the past.

Ringo hurried over to John and Paul's as soon as he could. They'd been living together for a couple of years now and it wasn't unknown for Ringo to stay there for several days at a time just because of how homely it would feel. Paul opened the door, happiness spreading across his face, stepping aside to let Ringo into their warm home. John was waiting in the living room, sprawled out on the sofa like a relaxed feline, hardly moving when he noticed Ringo other than giving a grin and a small nod.

"Here he is, man of the hour." John announced, Paul sweeping his feet up so that he could sit on the end of the sofa.

Ringo took a seat across, stretching his legs over the arm in a way he knew would be terrible for his posture "Feels like I haven't seen you guys for ages."

"Well you've been busy, haven't you?" Paul teased, the smile still spreading his lips.

"Tell us all about it, I know you want to." John waved his hand dismissively, but his expression was kind.

"Come off it." Paul laughed "John's been going on about you and that George bloke for days, he's been dying to know everything."

Ringo shifted himself to get comfortable "Well... What do you wanna know?" He couldn't help feeling a little shy when talking to Paul and John about his various relationships.

John sat himself up excitedly, blurting out with little to no shame "How big is his dick?"

Ringo spluttered into laughter "Jesus, John... Why would that even matter? My bottoming days are long behind me."

Paul joined in with the laughter "How did that party go? I know you were freaking out about it."

"It was alright in the end. Some bird tried cornering me and the police showed up and everyone scattered." Ringo recounted "But we still had enough time to enjoy ourselves, if you catch my drift."

John scoffed "We're not teenagers, Rings, I want details. Who's blowing who? Is he freaky? Is he half in good in bed as he is hot? I need to know!"

Ringo rolled his eyes playfully "You're right, John, you're not a teenager you're practically prepubescent."

"Let Ringo get settled first. There'll be plenty of time to spill the beans later." Paul spoke softly, mindlessly giving John's feet a massage as he spoke.

"Not over dinner I hope." Ringo chuckled.

"In all seriousness though, it's nice to see you so happy again. Isn't it John?" Paul pinched John's ankle to spark a reaction.

"Yes, yes, we're so happy that you're happy." John spoke as though reading from a script "Now I'm gonna ask you something point blank, and I need you to be honest with me."

Ringo's heart fluttered in panic "What is it?"

John furrowed his brows in an attempt to appear serious "Did he blow you in the toilets?"

"Uh..." Ringo laughed, unable to find his words "I don't-"

"Before you even try to deny it," John interrupted, holding his finger up "I saw the marks on his knees, and I'd know those marks anywhere."

"Why're you asking me then?" Ringo threw his arms up defeated "You think I'm gonna say no to a guy like that offering me a blowie in the toilets?"

John clapped his hands together loudly "I knew it! You absolute whore, Ringo, what would your mother say?"

"Don't act like I haven't caught you and Paul in the exact same position countless times." Ringo sat up a little, desperate to defend himself.

"Hey now, don't bring me into this." Paul interjected "Those days are long behind me."

John cocked an eyebrow, making Ringo snicker "Well now you're just lying, love."

The three of them remained relaxed in the living room for a couple of hours, every so often it would become playfully heated as either John or Ringo slipped up in their words. They never needed to have very solid plans when seeing one another, Ringo could happily stay chatting with them for an entire day and he wouldn't feel like a single second was wasted. It helped get his mind off his worries about George, although the conversations always seemed to lead back to him in one way or another. John's questions only became more prying, not even holding back when they'd settled down to eat some Chinese food. Throughout their conversations Ringo tried to gauge whether Paul and John seemed to like George, though there was little to go off other than their very brief meeting and how they'd respond to Ringo's stories. Whenever he'd started seeming someone new, their dynamic with his two best friends was always in the back of Ringo's mind.

"Well maybe one of these days we could go on a double date or something." Paul suggested, crunching on a prawn cracker.

"That'd be nice." Ringo mumbled, not bothering to cover his mouth while he ate "We haven't really been on a date though yet. Not a proper one anyway."

"But you've fucked him, right?" John asked with a grin.

"You know I have John, so why are you asking?" Ringo felt like throttling him sometimes.

"I just wanna hear you say it." John winked at him "Here I was thinking it was slutty to shag on the first date, but you didn't even wait. Was it just the once?"

Ringo glared at him, but it was impossible to keep up the act of annoyance "Are you trying to make me hate you?"

"I'm just making sure I've got the whole picture, that's all." John teased, Paul slapping him on the wrist lightly.

"I don't ask about your sex life with Paul." Ringo said far more harshly than he'd intended.

"God, I wish you would." John perked up "We tried this new toy the other day-"

"John, I suggest you think very hard about whether you want to finish that sentence." Paul raised both his eyebrows impatiently, it was enough to make John shut up, the only person who seemed capable of such a feat.

All three of them were laughing again soon enough, a moment of tension never lasted too long. Time flew by with none of them keeping track of it, and soon enough Ringo had to retire back to his own flat, which was now seeming very empty indeed. He chucked his keys onto the coffee table and sunk into the sofa, debating how he was going to waste the hours before it would be acceptable to sleep. He had to work in the upcoming days, it was coming up to two years now that he'd been employed at a music shop in the city centre, it was decent pay and only relatively taxing so Ringo knew he could have it a lot worse, but it definitely wasn't something he looked forward to. Deciding to mindlessly scroll through his phone for a while, it suddenly vibrated with a text message from George.

I know it's a little early to make plans but I'm here to make plans

what did you have in mind?

Ringo wasted no time in responding, he didn't see the point of pretending that he hadn't been staring at his screen as soon as it had sent, even if he hadn't been he would've no doubt picked the phone up immediately.

Dinner and then back to my place?

that sounds delightful

Is this Friday good?

very good

Perfect I'll pick you up It's about time I started treating you

im not gonna say no to that

A smile spread across Ringo's face, Friday felt like a lifetime away but the promise of this date would be more than enough to get him through the week.

My treat so you better not bring your wallet

if you insist

I do

any other orders?

So many But they can wait I'll see you Friday

see you then

Ringo let his phone drop onto his chest, letting out a happy sigh. Things seemed to be going too well, but he wasn't going to let his paranoia get the better of him, rather he was going to bask in this seemingly endless happiness that George brought to his life. Friday couldn't come soon enough.

#the beatles #Beatles #beatles fanfiction #beatles fanfic #George Harrison/Ringo Starr #george harrisonxringo starr #george harrisonxreader #ringo starr/george harrison #starrison

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xiueryn · 5 years ago

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I'm fukin weak and im also yeah so 10 and 24

ten: “airport/travel au” twenty-four: “soulmate au”

They were listening to the same song again.

It came in snippets, a few phrases softly floating through her head, sometimes getting confused with her own thoughts, but when she concentrated, it was easy to tell that it wasn’t coming from her.

After all, Marinette wasn’t the obsessive type. She didn’t listen to the same song on repeat for however long, not even putting other songs between it.

She shifted in her seat, bringing her legs up and curling them, trying to get more comfortable. There was a few hours left of the flight, and she’d given up on being presentable after the first two.

Especially since the two passengers to her right had been hunched together, talking to each other the whole time.

Marinette turned up the volume of her own music.

At first, she’d been overjoyed the first time she’d heard her soulmate; well, not them, but specifically what they were listening to at the time. It was a weird system, something that assured her that she had someone out there that would understand her fully—whether their relationship was platonic or not—but it would be a lie if she said it wasn’t annoying.

Like when she was trying to concentrate on her exam, and all she could focus on was the annoying chorus that was running around in her head.

They didn’t have any way to communicate.

There had been stories of soulmates trying to talk through choosing specific songs, but the small sections that filtered through to the other weren’t able to be chosen. It was dumb luck which went through.

And so, most didn’t meet.

It was a bit hard writing a forum post, searching for one specific song that had come on the radio, when thousands of people had been listening to the same one at the exact time.

No one could really know for sure, not unless they had lots of coincidences that added up in the end.

Marinette wasn’t holding out for the hope that she’d meet them.

With her headphones on, Marinette had been occupying herself by playing a video game, but she’d already completed it before. She lasted about half an hour before tucking the device back into her bag, tapping her fingers against her thigh instead.

They were still listening to the same song.

Marinette had had her playlist on shuffle for the whole time.

She got it, really; sometimes she got fixated on certain television shows, binged them all the way through, but that never inconvenienced them because of her interest.

It made her wonder whether they thought about her at all.

Then again, if they did, it was only a few sentences that floated through, wasn’t it? It was hardly an unending loop that continued to sound in her head, driving her mad; rather, it was the fact that she knew that it was the same song due to always hearing it play at work.

She really hoped they got through it soon.

When her head started to hurt a bit, she slipped her headphones off, resting them around her neck as she leaned back, staring up at the storage above her.

The two beside her were still talking, laughing quietly together.

The friend she was travelling with was nowhere near her, sadly.

Marinette closed her eyes for a bit, curling into herself on the seat. Most of the passengers were quiet, not talking loudly, and the children were asleep so they weren’t screeching or wailing.

However, the noise that she managed to notice out of all the others was music.

Of course.

She opened her bleary eyes, not quite believing her luck.

Someone in the row in front of her was listening to the very song that her soulmate had been jamming to for so long. And to make matters worse, their headphones were loud enough that she could clearly hear the beat, but was only able to make out a few words.

She didn’t have to try hard to remember all of the words to the song.

She kind of hated that.

Then, to make matters worse, the song continued. It couldn’t have possibly been that long—not even when she was sat there, listening to it second-hand and wishing for it to be done—so that meant that they, too, had it on repeat.

She almost laughed.

Marinette put her headphones back on, but she didn’t play any music.

It couldn’t drown out all the noises, but it did a little bit.

It was good enough.

She shuffled in her seat, resting her head against the wall, still making sure she wasn’t going over her small section and inconveniencing her seat-mate. Marinette closed her eyes, trying to even her breathing as she focused on her thoughts instead of that specific song—

The start of a verse flickered through her head.

She hated that she knew that it was in time with the one she was trying to drown out.

It wasn’t her place to say something to them. She didn’t have the power to ask someone not to listen to their music in peace, but once ten minutes had definitely passed—confirmed by her phone—she felt restless.

One of the passengers in the row in front of her had to stand up and go to the toilet, confirming that it wasn’t them, the one in the middle.

That meant it was only the person by the window, then.

She could’ve waited until they went to the toilet themselves, but that—that would’ve been a bit weird, wouldn’t it? If that had happened to her, she would’ve been mortified.

Marinette gathered up the courage to lean forward towards the crack in the chairs, calling out, “Excuse me?”

There was no answer because of the music.

She could’ve been annoying and kicked their seat instead, but that was just plain rude.

Pushing her luck, she reached out and tapped their shoulder.

The face that turned towards her was utterly bewildered. For a moment, he just stared at her before he reached up and removed his headphones, letting them fall down to his shoulders to match her. “I—what?”

“Hi,” Marinette said, feeling absolutely ridiculous.

He leaned to see her more clearly through the gap. “Can I help you?”

Her voice was a little bit higher than normal. “This—this is a pretty weird request, but could you—I don’t know, maybe, turn your music down?”

Rather than the rude response that she’d expected, he frowned, picking up his phone and staring at the screen. “Oh, I didn’t realise it was that loud.”

Surprised, all she could say was, “A bit.”

“Sorry,” he apologised, not seeming to be annoyed by the interaction at all as he turned the music off. “That was—that had to be annoying, right? I had no idea.”

Marinette tucked some stray hairs behind her ear. “It’s okay, really.”

“If it was, you wouldn’t have spoken to me at all,” he pointed out. “If I do it again, you’re—you’re welcome to kick my seat, yeah?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m not going to do that.”

“I mean, I did just give you permission,” he replied, grinning. “When else is that opportunity going to pop up?”

With her own shy smile, she answered back, “Never, I hope.”

“Too nice for kicking, but not tapping someone’s shoulder?” he asked. “What if I’d screamed? It was quite scary.”

“Scary?”

His smile showed his white teeth. “Well, yeah. Wouldn’t you freak out if someone suddenly touched you? That’s in my top ten fears, for sure.”

Marinette swallowed. “I wasn’t trying—”

“It was a joke,” he interjected, reaching up and running a hand through his hair. “A bad one, I admit. I was just trying to lighten the mood.”

“I didn’t realise the mood was bad,” she lamely replied.

He laughed. “Not on my end, but you do look like you’re close to crying.”

“That’s my normal look,” Marinette said. “It’s like resting bitch-face, but worse.”

He nodded his head, seeming to agree. “That sounds like quite the dilemma.”

The passenger that had left for the toilet came back, meaning that the guy waved at her before turning around in his seat, putting his headphones back on. The tell-tale noise of music came a few seconds later, but it was barely audible, not at all like before.

Marinette settled down again.

For a while, she managed to fall asleep. But she was never good at sleeping in public places, startling herself awake and sighing when she realised that not much time had passed.

There was still an hour left for the flight.

At one point, she stretched her legs out, hearing her knees click, and as she raised her arms above her head, closing her eyes as she did so, she accidentally kicked the chair in front of her.

She felt a flush of embarrassment immediately as she saw that he’d started to lean to the side, peeking through the chairs at her.

“Too loud?” he questioned.

Marinette smoothed out her hair. “I was just—I was stretching. I didn’t mean to do that, I swear.”

He hummed. “You sure?”

“Absolutely,” she insisted. “Your music’s not bothering me.”

“That’s good,” he said, smiling. “Because it’s kind of turned off right now.”

Her face felt hot. “Sorry.”

And to her horror, the person next to him offered to swap seats if they wanted to continue talking.

“I—no, no,” Marinette denied, hastily shaking her head, moving her hands along with her words. “We’ll stop, I’m sorry.”

Their tone wasn’t rude, they weren’t saying it to get them to be quiet; rather, it was a kind-hearted gesture, and it was made even worse when they offered again, going as far as to stand up.

Marinette felt too awkward to say no.

And so, she got her bag off of the floor, her headphones still around her neck, and she slipped past the talking couple to her side—one of which flashed her a polite smile on her way past—waiting in the aisle for the other to take her place.

She just wanted it to be over by the time she sat down.

The guy flashed her a sympathetic smile. “You still kind of look like you’re going to cry.”

Marinette’s didn’t reach her eyes. “That sounds about right.”

“Sorry for getting you into this.”

“It’s not your fault,” she whispered back.

He pointed to his headphones. “I had my music too loud.”

“Yeah, but that’s not really a good reason,” she muttered, leaning back in her chair, trying to be less stiff. “It was just—I did it for a dumb reason.”

“Try me,” he coaxed.

Marinette couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t even know your name.”

“Oh, that’s true,” he mused. Then, he held a hand out to her. “I’m Adrien.”

She shook it. “Marinette.”

“Marinette,” he repeated, nodding. “Now, any chance you’re going to tell me what annoyed you so much, you had to scare me so?”

She exclaimed, “I didn’t scare you!”

“I was terrified,” Adrien announced, dramatically putting the back of his hand on his forehead. “My heart just about leapt out of my chest.”

“You sound like a heroine from a shitty romance novel,” she retorted, crossing her arms. “I don’t believe you.”

When he laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkled. “My romance would be wonderful, don’t be mean.”

“It would be the equivalent of playing the same song on repeat.”

The best way to describe his smile was sheepish. “Oh, you could tell?”

“Yes, I could,” she confirmed. “Normally, it wouldn’t have bothered me—I mean, it’s your music, but my soulmate is doing the exact same thing, and it’s honestly driving me mad.”

He sucked in a breath. “That sucks.”

“Tell me about it,” she muttered. “Sorry for taking it out on you.”

Adrien just shook his head. “No, don’t be. I get it. I’d do that, too, if I couldn’t escape from it.”

“I take it yours isn’t that bad?” Marinette enquired.

It wasn’t that it was considered rude to ask—just that if the topic came up out of nowhere, people tended to get uncomfortable. But Marinette assumed from him continuing the conversation, he was okay with it.

“They listen to a lot of different things,” Adrien revealed. “Sometimes, I’m not sure whether it’s actually their choice, or what’s just playing on the radio.”

“Are they that drastically different?” she asked.

“Not really,” he answered. “Just the timing of them? Like, during the day, I’ll hear popular songs, but only a few in the evening. I have to try and look them up sometimes, but it’s hard when you only have a random quote to go by.”

With a grin, she remarked, “Smart.”

“I try.” His dimples showed as he smiled. “So, how long have you had to put up with listening to that one song?”

“Over an hour today,” Marinette said, sagging back against her seat. “I don’t know how any of you do it. I can barely listen to the same more than twice before I get bored.”

He laughed. “It’s just how I am, I guess.”

“Well, you suck.” Then, when she realised what she’d said, she smiled sheepishly. “I mean, your personality—wait, no. I’m really not trying to insult you here, honest.”

It just made him laugh more, shoulders shaking, but barely any noise escaping him. “I’m sure.”

She pushed her hair away from her face. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Adrien replied. “This is way more fun than just listening to the same song. Maybe you’re right, I do need to spice my life up more.”

“I literally never said that,” Marinette denied.

He waved a hand dismissively. “I read between the lines.”

“You must not be very good at reading, then,” she mused.

His expression of shock was exaggerated. “I feel like you’re here just to insult me!”

“No, no,” Marinette assured him, trying to contain her laughter. “I’m just—I don’t know, bored? I didn’t really think this flight through.”

“You going on holiday?” he asked, his body language showing that he was actually interested in the answer.

She shook her head. “Going back home.”

“Oh, opposite for me,” Adrien replied. “Well, kind of? I’m visiting my parents, so it’s up to you how that’s interpreted.”

“I don’t think we have enough time to discuss parental issues, so let’s say holiday,” she joked. “Where abouts are you going?”

Then, to her surprise, he said the same place as her.

“I live there!” Marinette exclaimed, sitting up a bit straighter, body angled towards him. “That’s—that’s a bit of a coincidence, isn’t it?”

Adrien beamed. “I guess.”

“Did you used to live there, with them?” she asked.

“No, they moved there last year,” he explained. “It’s my first time visiting, actually. It took ages for me to get time off from work.”

Marinette nodded her head, understanding. “If you haven’t looked anything up already, I’d be happy to give you some recommendations.”

And so, she did. Adrien was more than intrigued, asking her all sorts of questions, and she was happy to comply. It turned out that his parents had moved a few minutes from where she’d grown up, so it wasn’t likely that the area had changed that much in a few years that she’d been away.

His enthusiasm was a good way to pass the time.

Their headphones were still around their shoulders, but they were too busy talking in hushed tones, trying not to disturb the other passengers. At times, she had to cover her mouth when she laughed.

Her cheeks started to hurt from smiling after a while.

Adrien was in much the same position, and his laughter came out as wheezes at one point, which only made her own laughter worse.

It wasn’t boring at all.

Marinette almost forgot that her friend was across the plane at one point, up until Adrien asked why she was flying alone.

Then, to her surprise when they were close to landing—which she hadn’t expected at all, time having passed quickly—Adrien asked her, “Can I get your number?”

She blinked. “Really?”

“You’ll be in the area, right?” He grinned. “If you want to meet up, that is.”

It wasn’t a lie as she replied, “I’d love to.”

His number was added to her contact list, along with a poor quality picture of him. Marinette laughed as he did the same for her, along with an emoji next to her name.

“I guess this is it,” Marinette mused when they’d landed, the two of them standing up to collect their things. “For now.”

With a smiled, he repeated, “For now.”

Adrien waved at her as they parted ways.

After, when she was collecting her luggage with her friend at her side, she saw Adrien again, standing to the side with his headphones on. Then, when he looked up and saw her, he happily waved at her again.

She laughed and waved right back.

And as her friend questioned who he was, a familiar line of a song from her soulmate ran through her head.

She wondered whether Adrien was still listening to the same song.

pick two prompts from here and i’ll write a small(?) adrien/mari drabble for it

#replies #anonymous #miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #drabble

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marsupials-of-mars · 6 years ago

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Nightmares

“What if you die? You get in a wreck, and you just die. What’s death like? What if they don’t like your new video? What if they hate it? What if your channel dies? How big really IS the universe? Does it end? And if it doesn’t, in the long run literally nothing you do matters. In a billion years someone who looks just like you could have the exact same life and it would be just as pointless-“

“Virge I know I’m nervous but it’s night and I can’t do anything about it so could you quiet down a bit?”

“Hey, I’m doing my job.”

“Can you work a bit less hard?”

Virgil sighed. He was laying next to Thomas, on top of the sheets. It was summer and he refused to take off his hoodie so blankets were a no go.

“If you insist.” They stayed in silence a while. “What if nothing happens when we die?”

“Look I know you’re trying but I’m tired.”

“Fair enough. Night man.”

“Night.”

Virgil patted Thomas’ shoulder and retreated into his mind. He rose in the hall and made his way to his room. He threw off his hoodie and pulled off his jeans, falling onto his bed. His favorite part of the day, sleep. He rolled up in his sheets and sighed at the breeze from the fan playing with his bangs.

After a bit of laying in bed, humming to himself, and tossing and turning, he realized he wasn’t tired. At all. And he knew what that meant. He groaned and rolled over, willing himself to drift off, but no luck. He let out a long sigh and rolled out of bed. He slid his feet into his black slippers and threw open the door. Usually he’d never leave his room without his hoodie much less without pants, but if there was one person in the entire world who’s opinion of him he didn’t give a rats ass about, it was this little shit. He trudged down the hall toward a black and sickening hot pink door. He tried to yank it open, but the knob wouldn’t turn. He smirked. Might as well have a little fun if he had to deal with the night shift. He put on a gross snooty accent and leaned dramatically on the door. He did a great Roman impression.

“Rem, open up! Dream time! Let’s party!” He heard an excited shout from somewhere inside.

“Give me some warning you bitch, I just finished working out I’m a mess!” The lighthearted name calling made Virgil gag.

Too cutesy, too social. He heard the knob jiggle and stood up from his Roman pose. The door flew open.

“You have no idea how-nnGAAH!” Remy fell backward and dropped his iced coffee. “ANXIETY! Where’s Roman?!”

Virgil snorted. He blinked down at the coffee covered Remy, tank top, hot pink sweat bands and all. “He couldn’t make it. I’ve got the night shift.” Remy gulped. “Believe me buddy I don’t want to be here any more than you want me here. A jobs a job.”

“F-fine. Come in. But don’t touch anything.”

Virgil brushed past Remy who jumped back like he was poisoned. He plopped on the couch and stretched out his skinny, sickly pale arms and legs. Remy opened his mouth like he was about to protest, but decided against it.

Virgil sighed. Remy had hated him as long as he could remember. Not just like the others had hated him, the twerp acted like he was an actual monster. He was scared of him. He couldn’t tell why, but if he had to choose one of the sides, or whatever sleep was, to be afraid of him, it would be Remy. He never had a desire to be friends with him. Their personalities did NOT line up. But he did like terrifying him. If he had to put up with screaming he’d make it for a good reason. He dropped his new-ish friendliness he used with the sides and reverted to good ol’ scream-at-the-sight-of-him Virgil.

“S-so...” Remy tried to regain his composure. “Should we get to it?”

“Nah... we’ve got all night.”

“I don’t want you in my room.” Even with the confident words, his voice tapered off into a squeak halfway through the sentence.

“Rude. You’ve got such a fun place, a soft couch... a wall mounted flatscreen?” He looked at the tv. “You like horror movies right?”

Remy shook his head. Virgil chuckled.

“Aw, poor little Remington.”

“I...I mean if you want-“

“Great!” Virgil grabbed the remote and pulled up The Shining. “Im more into physiological horror, less blood and guts. If there’s too many jumpscares...well... I go a little...” His eyes went black and he hissed, clawing at the air. Remy shrieked and jumped back, tripping over the coffee table. Virgil chuckled. “So yeah, I don’t think that’d be too great an idea. This ones a classic. Cmon, sit.”

Remy conjured a frappe and sat on the couch, keeping a good few feet from Virgil. “Mkay. But I’ll be doing my nails.” He seemed to be getting a bit more comfortable.

“Mhm. Sure.” Virgil hit play. As he watched the movie, Remy started to relax a bit more. He painted his nails a deep red and used a toothpick to add tiny white hearts on each thumb. He adorned them with a few black sequins. His movements were so smooth and precise. Virgil hadn’t noticed that he’d stopped watching the movie. Remy looked up.

“Oh... like them?”

Virgil’s eyes darted up to meet Remy’s. “No. But you’re good at that.”

A slight smile pulled at the corners of Remy’s lips. “Yeah, it took a while to master. Ro made me this book of different designs he’d come up with, we do each other’s all the time.”

“Huh...” Virgil thought a moment. He paused the movie. It wouldn’t hurt... “do you have black?”

He saw Remy’s eyes brighten. “Udoy, I have pretty much any color you can think of.” He seemed proud. It was almost cute.

“Do you think you could do mine...?”

Remy seemed confused a minute but slowly smiled. “You’re kidding.” Suspicion crept onto his face. “Is this a trick...?”

“No, not at all. I’ve actually thought about doing it for a while but it seemed a little... out there. For me.”

Remy blew a raspberry. “You wear eye shadow, I don’t think a mani would be too out there.”

Virgil flushed. “What are you trying to say about my makeup?”

Remy’s smile faltered. “Oh, no that’s not what I meant, I’m saying you’re braver than you think you are. Though your eyeshadow it’s kind of...messy.”

Virgil bristled and brought a hand to his face protectively. “I like it!”

Remy put his hands up. “I do to, I like it, I’m just saying it could use a professional touch!”

Virgil blinked. “You want to do my makeup?”

“Um, yes, I have so many ideas! Well, Ro Ro helped design them, but I’ve wanted to try them out for so long!” Remy conjured a binder titled ‘Nails and Makeup for Rem’. He set it on the coffee table and thumbed through it with his coffee free hand. Virgil watched over his shoulder. The pages were full of Romans drawings, first all kinds of nail designs, then the sides faces, colored and shaded with makeup to fit their personalities. Remy stopped at Virgil’s section. “There’s like, literally a billion of you, you’ve got all sorts of potential!” He grinned. His eyes sparkled with passion. Virgil blushed.

“I always thought you kind of... hated me?”

“Oh, I do, you terrify me physically and emotionally and are overall a wet blanket, but I’m obsessed with your character!”

“My character?” He decided to ignore the previous bits.

“Dark, brooding, scared, troubled, badass, that kind of look is so fun to do! I LIVE for that shit!”

Virgil thought about it. He nodded, slightly red in the face. “Okay. Go ahead.”

Remy pulled out a bottle of black nail polish and set Virgil’s hand on his leg. He looked at the dark side’s nails and furrowed his brows.

“Oh... you’re... you’re a biter aren’t you?”

Virgil looked down. He’d forgotten about that.

“Oh yeah... is that really bad?”

“No... no it just means we get to try something even cooler!” He pulled out a few oddly shaped plastic sheets, a brush, a container of powder, and a glass of water. “This’ll take a while but it’ll be worth it! I won’t need the black paint because I’ve got a black acrylic, I’ll just gloss and decorate it.”

“Acrylics? Fake nails?” Virgil raised a brow.

“Trust me you’ll love them, I’ll give you some manageable stiletto nails, they’ll look like claws, you’ll LOVE them trust me hon.”

“Fine, Fine...” Virgil watched as he sculpted and UV dried and filed and glossed and adorned them with purple rhinestones. Virgil resumed the movie and sipped an iced black coffee Remy had made for him. It took all in all a couple hours.

“Done!” Remy revealed his handiwork. The nails were each about two inches and filed to a point. They were glossed with minimalist design: The thumbs were tipped with violet, And each cuticle was dotted with a tiny purple jewel. Virgil stared at them. He smiled. “Nice...”

“He likes them!” Remy clapped his fingertips. Virgil shrugged.

“Guess so. Makeup?”

“Fuck yeah!” He took off his sunglasses revealing simple but perfect eyeliner framing dark pink eyes. Virgil stared. He chuckled. “I know, I’m gorgeous.” He clipped his glasses on his shirt and pulled out a bottle of makeup remover and a makeup bag. “Keep your eyes closed.” Virgil closed his eyes. He could still feel Remy’s hesitance in the cotton ball on his skin, which was fine. He wasn’t there to make friends. He kept his eyelids still as he felt eyeliner and mascara being applied, then eyeshadow. It took a few minutes. Remy fanned his face, tossing his bangs around in the breeze.

“Aaaand open!” Virgil opened his eyes to a mirror in his face. Remy grinned from behind it. “Like it?” Virgil stared at himself. His lashes were unbelievably thick and long with thick black mascara. He didn’t even know they were that long in the first place. His eyeliner was winged and precise. The best part was the eye shadow, it was smoky, Black to silver to violet. He blinked and stared in awe.

“Like it?” Remy repeated himself.

“Mhm...yeah. Thanks man...” He felt awesome. Gorgeous. “Want to make some nightmares?”

Remy’s smile faltered. “Yeah.”

“I’ll keep it mild.” Virgil rubbed his thumbnail. Remy lightened a bit.

He tailed Virgil as he walked to a door and opened it into darkness. They walked in and Virgil shut the door. “Okay Remington, give it to me.”

Remy pulled out a few folders. “Hmmm... he recently discovered what a goblin shark is.” Virgil nodded and pulled the shark from the folder, enlarging it to the size of a school bus. He conjured a dream Thomas and encapsulated him in a tiny submarine. He filled their surroundings with murky ocean. Remy shivered.

“And um... he’s been having back pains-“

Virgil twisted dream Thomas’ spine into a crooked mess.

“Give me another. Maybe some company.”

Remy gulped. “Um...” he thumbed through folders. “His friend Terrence is moving away.”

Virgil closed his eyes a moment and took a breath. “I’m more than aware...” he plucked Terrence from the folder and shoved him into the sub with Thomas. “He gets eaten first.”

“Are you sure-“

“I’m sure. My job is fear.” Virgil darkened the ocean a bit more and added two pure black giant squid. He blinded the submarine with schools of dead fish. He quickly wrote a script. “Perfect.” He locked the dream into place and hit play. With a moment of thought, he slapped his hand over Remy’s terrified eyes before the bite came. He ushered him out of the room and locked the door.

“What was that?!”

“I didn’t think you’d want to see the shark take a chunk out of Terrence.”

Remy gulped. “Well... thanks.”

“No problem.” He began to head to the door.

“Don’t you want to stay for the showing?” Remy motioned to the tv.

“Nah, I wrote the script. And I’m tired.” He grabbed the doorknob. He paused a moment. “Thanks. For the makeup. And the nails.”

“No prob Virge. Does this make us... friends?”

Virgil gagged. “No, never, and don’t call me Virge.”

Remy shrugged. “Sounds good. But if you do ever want to swing by for a makeover, I’d be up to it.”

Virgil smirked. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He walked out and shut the door behind him.

He made his way to his room and laid down, but before he got to sleep he rose in Thomas’s bed. He looked over to see him panting and sweaty.

“Nightmare?” Virgil smiled slightly in the dark. Thomas spoke through breaths.

“Yeah...”

“Sorry.”

Thomas sighed. “It’s fine...” He hugged Virgils side. In ten minutes or so of steady breathing and happy thoughts, he drifted off. Virgil smiled. That bitch was doing his job pretty well.

#virgil sanders #sanders sides #thomas sanders #remy sanders #sleep sanders

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lilfrank · 4 years ago

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Living life with fear, is not much life at all.. but from the time we are born, we are systematically brought up in a fear based society. Do bad, get punished, do good get rewarded.. seems simple eh? Luckily you are allowed to see the bigger picture, if/ when you are willing to look beyond the tip of your own nose .. *speaking from experience, not at you directly. The most “compliant” seem to be the “Best” citizens, the one who never ask questions, the ones who go to work.. go home.. pay bills. Repeat.. This was me... this is all i offered. Exactly what i was supposed to do.. now, i side stepped i “made my own way” i felt like i was somehow unique to society, only because of my job title and overall “look” .. However the reality is i was on the exact same path as everyone else , nothing different, nothing unique , work.. home... bills. ALLLLL OF THIS☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻!! Is only a tiny fraction of living I encourage you all to take a moment to look inward, take a few minutes, maybe weeks or months to get to know yourself.. chances are you dont like what you see in the mirror.. and chances are you suffer from depression and anxiety.. but there are other options.. ive found that these amazingly strong emotions, are debilitating at times... but they were issued to you during your systematic punishment/reward system. You are allowed to let go of them. Ive have found in my experience: Depression - you are obsessing and punishing yourself for your past or something reminding you of a past transgressions.. Anxiety- you are obsessing about something that hasnt even happened yet.. Happiness truly exists in the here and now.. Become present!! Show up today for your life and be a part of it!! You will be amazed at how quickly events in your life will become more positive ! And life itself is more positive when you JUST BECOME PRESENT !! If you dont know how, reach out and ask.. ill do my best to explain!! Be well my friends. Im absolutely NO EXPERT But im AM living proof ! (at Decatur, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDY0bxzAfpU/?igshid=1jl26wj5au58e

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disruptiveandstupid · 5 years ago

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history repeating itself

you know how they say history repeats itself, well my history repeats itself like crazy!! my freshman year of high school was the best. I was wild, all my friends were so close, we did fun things all the time it literally was just a year I knew I couldn't beat. sophomore year was fun too, I made new friends and still hungout with my old ones but i def spent a lot more time with just 1 friend and the others were getting mad, still had a blast, school was harder but it wasn't bad. junior year was the absolute worst, my friends were standoffish because of that friend I had that I spent a lot of time with, school was so hard, I started gaining weight, my family life sucked, it was just awful. senior year wasn't too bad, my friends were close again and classes were easy because I signed up for all easy ones and the one friend that all of my other friends didn't like started to drift away and we really didn't talk anymore even though we were so so close. she was toxic af though and it actually was pretty good for my mental health to get rid of her. freshman year of college was the best time of my life!! all my roommates were so close we all did crazy things, our spring break was the best trip ever just everything about it was great and classes weren't so hard. sophomore year, my friends were close but starting to get upset with how much time I spent with my one other friend and they all thought he was toxic and not good for me but we all still remained friends. now its junior year and my friends hate him and my classes are hard and I feel like all my friends are drifting and it sucks this year just sucks. my friend from high school (call her friend a) was so toxic, she would get mad when I wasn't with her and hated spending time with my other friends and would manipulate me and yea it wasn't good, but we stopped being friends senior year(recently became friends again though because I can't let people go) then I got to college and friend b is the same way. manipulates me, is mad when im not with just them, makes me feel bad when I do things with other people literally just toxic ya know, then for the period of time we weren't talking I replaced friend b with friend c and the same exact thing happened. she would cry and ignore me when I was doing things with other people, make plans for many weekends straight because she didn't want me with anyone else, when we would go out with other friends she’d steal me away from them during the night or not say a single word when we were all talking. toxic. idk what it is but I only attract toxic people and they all get some kind of crazy obsession with being my one and only best friend. may seem like a coincidence but it gets worse every year. who’s gonna be senior year friend d (;

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bluethepaladin · 8 years ago

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so im like super excited to meet the aliens in ur next chap of when i dream it happens in blue. ur like so smart in science and stuff. what about the science of aliens? is that a thing? how do u make urs? do u know anything about it?

Thank you, dear anon, for this ask about life. Also thank you for reading when I dream it happens in blue. I’ve gotten overwhelming support on this fic and I am just blown away by how much you all love it. I was honestly waiting for an ask like this because I love aliens and creating alien societies. Also, thank you for being patient with me as I get around to answering these asks.

Basics of Life

So first of all, when considering life in any discussion, I am going to make the fundamental assumption that advanced life-forms must either evolve from more primitive life forms, or they must be created by other advanced organisms that already did so. Therefore you can’t have humans or alien counterparts on some other planet without a whole web of interdependent plants and animals that surround them, and a whole chain of ancestors that led from a raw plant to an ecosystem. There might be a hypothetical exception to this rule, maybe on a planet where one life-form has wiped out all other natural life forms, but how that happens is up to your creative exploits.

When we think about life and how it develops, we have to draw from the only example we know of where it happened, aka. Earth. And as we have no eyewitness accounts for how this happened we are again forced to heavily rely on inferences and experiments that have been widely regarded as accurate within the scientific community.

But what’s even worse for us writers is that we have no actual scientific evidence of how typical what happened on Earth actually is! But since it’s all we have we just gotta work with it. But keep this in mind! (It’s actually pretty cool to think about, too) At first glance, it seems like our little planet offers an enormous range of life-forms all so obviously different that one might suspect them of representing a large sample of independent instances. Earthly life-forms include protius bacteria, komodo dragons, octopus, cacti, antelope, hummingbirds, coral reefs, orcas, redwood trees, and us–just to name a very, very few. Seems pretty diverse, right? Especially when you consider there are lichens that grow in the frigid wastelands of Antarctica, and fish living in hot springs that would cook a regular fish. If we take into account all flora and fauna that have ever existed, well that includes things like the stegosaurus, ammonoidea, mammoths, and giant dragonflies, the sample gets even bigger. Surely, surely this is a diverse lot, but if we look at them at a fundamental level, they are all so similar they are in all likelihood products of a single biogenesis. What scientists mean when they say this, is that all terrestrial life is, in a real and important sense, just one example with many variations on a basic theme.

While that may seem like an extreme statement, there’s a great deal of scientific evidence to support it, a lot of which has just been discovered in the last few decades. It’s not easy to define life, especially with only our terrestrial examples to work with. But as far as we can tell, all life, no matter what form it takes, has these things in common:

they are highly organized structures

take in energy from their surroundings and use it to maintain their structure and organization

have the ability to reproduce, i.e. to make exact working copies of themselves (more or less).

Each of these statements is subject to some qualifications and clarification, of course (not every individual actually uses the ability to reproduce, and the offspring of sexually reproducing species are almost never identical to their parents) but even taking this into consideration, these are all characteristics that we expect of any life form on Earth.

Terrestrial organisms acquire energy they need to maintain themselves in a variety of different ways. Until recently, we assumed that all living beings got their energy from the sun, whether directly or indirectly. Green plants use sunlight directly, combining it with water, minerals, and carbon dioxide as raw materials which in turn makes carbohydrates and fives off oxygen. They then store that energy in their own tissues. Fungi or animals get their energy from eating those tissues and metabolizing the carbohydrates and giving off carbon dioxide that can then be reused by plants. But then we have another level, the carnivores, who eat the animals that eat the plants. There’s also smaller organisms who eventually recycle the bodies of other dead organisms into the soil as nutrients for the plants. This is the most elementary summary of the science of ecology, and I highly recommend reading more about it to make your aliens more accurate! From this we know that no organism exists in isolation, but all organisms interact to maintain cycles of chemical reactions repeating, with chemicals being reused repeatedly and energy being the only substance added from outside sources.

The essential input, as we now know, is energy, not necessarily solar energy. As we discovered, we can no longer say, even on Earth, that the sun is at the center of all energy cycles. Recent deep ocean explorations have discovered whole ecosystems based on chemical synthesis on the ocean floor, much too deep for the sun’s reach. The food chain in this ecosystem starts with microorganisms that metabolize directly hydrogen sulfide and minerals in the warm water that seeps up through vents from Earth’s interior.

The CHON System

All terrestrial life, from the tiniest bacteria to human beings is based on the same fundamental biochemical architecture. It uses the same DNA to make the same protein building blocks: the diversity comes in on how they’re arranged. The building blocks of life on earth is largely based in four fundamental elements: carbon ©, hydrogen (H), oxygen (O), and nitrogen (N), where the acronym CHON comes from. A few other elements are also vital in specific applications. Phosphorus is fundamental to the basic energy transfer reactions used in living cells. Sulfur is also crucial to some aspects of terrestrial life.

Carbon is the backbone of the CHON system. It is the only element that makes arbitrarily complex linkages to itself and because of this it can build up extremely complex molecules. Another major component to life on Earth is liquid water. Life in general would probably require some solvent that all its magnitude of chemical reactions can take place in. Water works well because it’s made of common elements–hydrogen and oxygen. Hydrogen actually makes up most of the universe. Of the heavier elements, oxygen is more common but in the grand scale of the universe is much more rare than hydrogen, due to the fact that it’s most common isotope is exceptionally stable. Overall, this means that water is actually one of the most abundant substances in the entire universe!

But water has some unusual properties too. It has a high boiling point and it’s temperature range means that it has a very large range in which it stays liquid. This is convenient when world building because planets vary in temperature form place to place. Water is also a near-universal solvent. It can dissolve virtually anything to at least some degree. A solvent is necessary for biochemical reactions, and this makes water a great contender by making it easy to move things around–like food and oxygen and waste products–but it also provides a medium in which the basic building blocks of life can move around.

Probably one of the more interesting things about water is that it expands when it freezes. This is extremely unusual: most liquids are less dense than the solids they melt from. (There are also different forms of ice. Ice I occurs on Earth, the normal stuff you find in your freezer and in glaciers and is the only kind less dense than water. But Ice II and Ice III can form under immense pressure and most likely exist in icy worlds in other parts of the universe). This property of Ice I is very important for Earth’s climate regulation.

Other Possibilities

We are now venturing into the world of hypotheticals. All of the examples of planets I give are mostly derived from science fiction I’ve read or watched, and are all plausible, even if we can’t identify any specific examples in our small solar system.

Hydrogen Fluoride WorldIf we base a planet on the halogens, or the elements that range from fluorine to astatine (group 17), then there are some comparisons to be made between a potential oxygen/water world. Free fluorine could act as a sort of oxygen element and hydrogen fluoride (HF) would make a substitute for water. By this I meant that it would form lakes and oceans and be the solvent in which the biochemical reactions took place. In a system such as this, plant life would release free fluorine during photosynthesis, while animals would breathe in fluoride instead of oxygen.

There would be some technicalities in using such a world–factors come into play such as the fact that fluoride is comparatively a much rarer element, and the fact that fluoride is a much more reactive element which would make it hard to accumulate in the atmosphere, but it’s up to you how you’d like to solve these problems, if you acknowledge them at all.

Ammonia WorldSince water is such a good solvent for biochemical reactions, it’s been an object of science fiction writers’ obsession to try and find an alternative. One possible is liquid ammonia. Ammonia is also made from common elements–nitrogen and hydrogen–so it’s common in the universe. Ammonia is a great solvent and it also has a large temperature range where it remains liquid and has a high boiling point. One major difference is that ammonia ice sinks, so ice would sink to the bottom of the ocean. Although, that could still technically work as a climate regulator: the ice at the bottom of the ocean would be extremely hard to melt and help cool the atmosphere.

Because of scientific factors like the greenhouse effect causing a thin atmosphere, and the fact that such a world would have to be frozen to be sustainable that it would be near impossible to extract ore from the rocks to make metal, would likely mean this type of planet would never get past a Stone Age without outside influences.

Sulfur Dioxide SeaAn additional candidate as an alternative to water and has the fun bonus of containing sulfur is the idea of the sulfur dioxide sea. In our solar system, there’s actually a planet in our system that has a sulfur dioxide sea. Jupiter’s moon Io, however is covered in ice and is therefore unlikely to contain life (but there’s speculation about beneath the surface, but I digress).

Like water and ammonia, sulfur dioxide has a long liquid range and a relatively high boiling point, although it is important to note that the atmospheric pressure would have to be at least 3x that of Earth’s in order to maintain it in liquid form without boiling at a reasonable temperature. Sulfur dioxide ice also sinks.

An interesting factor of such a planet is that there would be no oxygen in the atmosphere, otherwise sulfur trioxide would form, which is solid at room temperature. This means that the sulfur dioxide sea would likely lap against shores of pure sulfur and the atmosphere would be largely made up of nitrogen and interestingly enough–sulfur dioxide! Yeah, the compound that makes up the oceans would also make up a large part of the atmosphere! Higher life forms would have an interesting development because fire would be impossible on such a world.

Notes:

Thanks for the ask! I love thinking about aliens and creating them from the ground up. When you do it that way, you start to think how the environment and the physical aspects of the occupying planet actually can affect the aliens and their culture. I hoped this helped you! Don’t forget, you are free to tag me in or send links to me of your stories and fics so I can check out the cool sci fi aspects! Also, my askbox is always open. You can find more science answers under the tag #blue answers.

love, Blue

#science fiction #writing tips #sci fi #voltron #voltron legendary defender #blue answers #space

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idksheepthoughts · 7 years ago

Text

Conversations Me: you actually soft blocked me.... any reason why?

Her: lol the fact that you noticed this late but it happened on accident actually and i went and unblocked but at that point i was like lmao like she'll notice so i never mentioned it

Me: If you hate me just say so. No need to lie.... I don't check shit like that every day but it's not that many days since I know it was maybe a week or less ... Whatever. I'm so splitting atm. So I'll shut up before I say something else

Her: hate? when the fck did i mention that? yes, better shut up before you stick your foot in your mouth as usual since i've done nothing hostile to you as if me feeling like i matter to no one and have the smallest amt of friends possible is somehow how an Attack on You.

Me: you blocked me... on "accident" how does that even happen.... i've told you tons of times that the amount of friends depends solely on yourself. and your willingness to talk to people and work past the anxiety and fear that talking to people causes. . . otherwise I wouldn't even have friends. because if i isolated and neveer talked to anyone ever first that nobody would talk to me in the first place. . . ugh whatever. i've said too much im just going to sober up and talk later i guess.... I can't always be here I try to be but like we said previously, i didn't know what to do between give you loads of attention and give you nothing at all...

Her: tumblr mobile? lol. if you can't believe me when i say that then i don't really want to talk to you since everytime i feel bad or have like, negative feelings regarding my own situations you always take it so personally (1) and then i have to dread these fcking conversations so when we've been talking normally on twitter it all goes to fcking shit because you can't accept that i get to feel bad and feel upset about stuff regardless of whether or not im taking actions to help myself in my own way at my own pace...doesn't mean you get to think that i hate you so i blocked you because what the fuck how does it work when we've been chatting like everyday on twitter? and it was (what i thought) fine? good? (2) if it really was the case i wouldve blocked you here or just flat out deleted since then i'd only have one fucking follower :) so just. let me have emotions. and don't assume things. this is so funny because i remember you getting mad at me months ago for the same exact thing and here we are, situations reversed

Me: BECAUSE i have a huge fear of abandonment.... it was fine but this stuff even if its an accident just idk .... i guess you never saw how much abandonment even if its an accident sends me into depressive spirals??? have i ever left you no. i've been distant yes but i've never full on unfollowed or left... idk you block me a lot and delete and it hurts every time.

Her: "even if" can you believe me????? first off???? (3) and no you havent god if it was such a problem just follow me and then ask me about it because why would i lie lol (4) i don't like friendships built on lies i'll never talk to someone like that genuinely i have insecurities too. i have enough

Me: ok it was an accident.

Her: i didn't even think it was a problem first off considering all those people you put on your thanksgiving post. and then you never noticed/messaged me about so i was like k, so that's that! and just talked w/ you normally here (5) so let's just accept the fact that we've got our problems and there's better ways to handle this than assuming motives

Me: so you did change url because of that post??? like my paranoid ass thought???? i was right on that???? cause i noticed that and was like... maybe its not related but was it????? cause I just want to know... im not mad at that at all just... i want to not assume things atm. and i notice stuff slowly because I try not to fall into obsessive traits. its not healthy to check who im following or who is greyed out or blocked every single day. . . I try to just let things be but when I do notice stuff i can't help but explode. I tried to be calm by just asking why.... but i clearly failed at that. its whatever. I followed back. if it happens again just like.. tell me please??? this stuff makes me so close to slitting my wrist

Her: no, i changed my url because i was sitting on that url for a while and i wanted to use it

Me: okay, it was just a paranoid thought.

Her: well, i really, really, really, don't like when you start assuming things even after i tell you or not believing me. we've been friends for how long? does it mean nothing? you'd think i'd lie at this point? x____x (6) .those thoughts make me want to die

Me: i'm sorry for thinking irrationally, but with how many people just up and leave, all the time even with being friends for long periods its hard not to jump to conclusions. I am in the wrong for falling into my own paranoid thoughts. You explained things and I don't believe that you are lying so its fine.

Her: oh, now you believe me after i have to hold your hand when i'm upset (7) whatever i'm probably not going to follow back because i hate that i have no friends and my mutuals ignore all my posts when i try to put myself out there it's gotten to a point where i can't post stuff on tumblr anymore because i know no one gives a shit like even as happy as i am about my commission i know if i post that on my tumblr i'll make the artist seem bad when no one likes my post idc. i'm bitter and alone and probably always will be because i don't have any friends aside from you o/ like, be grateful you even have that many people to be grateful for (8) i'd kill for it i feel like dying when i think about this and i think about it a lot but ofc i don't moan about it anywhere except on this stupid fucking twitter account where you seem ot think i live a dandy life (9) it fcking sucks bc im trying my best! anyways im done lol oh and then you post shit like *Edit* (Screenshot of some tags where I said I always listen to people but nobody likes listening to me so I talk to my cats a lot which is true because I’m a burden and i hate bothering people with my problems so much) that when you damn well no i have no one else to listen to except you online and we've been civil lately but ok! i guess i don't care! because im living it up! #sarcasm (10)

Me: you havent followed me in probably over 10 or so months, whenever i remade, cause i don't think you followed me when i delteed either, i didn't expect a follow back at all. i just expect us to be not mutuals but still friends? THEN TALK TO PEOPLE TALK TO PEOPLE AND TALK TO PEOOPLE thats all i did was work past my fears and talk to people and some stuck around some didn't. i dont know what else to say. some of those people haven't actually spoken to me in months either but im still grateful for them. I have nothing else to really advise on that other than you gotta put the talking in first. thats all i've done and its somehow managed to not fuck it up for this long??? i dont think i've had any friend longer than whenever we started being friends... so around 2 years...

Her: no offense but just talking to people doesn't do shit :) but seriously, thanks :) (Phone lagged) So I repeated my previous message by accident)

Her: yeah probably the only reason you havent fucked it up is because i dont want to be fucking alone and i dont give up easily so ive stayed with this even fi you make me feel like fucking shit when this happens & since you said nothing to everything else i just said i guess im right :) god im over this i dont want to fight and i dont want to talk to you becaus eim always explaining my problems and you just like. tell me the same shit each time as if it'll magically do stuff liek the fact that im trying doesnt mean anything i dont wanna talk to you if its always going to be like this ill take the goddamn loss and be lonely while youve got your fucking harem of friends idc if its an exaggeration the point is everyone i considered a friend has just stopped talking to me completely and the only thing i get here is you telling me what to do like i need cold hard instructions for making a friend

ME: Harem??? You know nothing about anything. Ya know what..... forget it. If it's better I don't say anything because nothing I says helps and I'm a broken record. You want to assume because I tagged a lot of people doesn't mean I wasn't just fishing for validation. Me trying to help is just being a dumb mistake. I can't help anyone and why I try is also confusing because I am pointless. I'm keeping you in my note regardless you have been here and listened and that hadn't changed. But if this is just going to explode it's going to explode. All I do is ruin everything and I don't even care anymore I'm going to buy a gun soon anyways. So what's the point in trying to make something work. I've always been a shit friend and it's just not worth it to you at this point. So okay.

Her: HERE let me qutoe for you something "idc if its an exaggeration" ^^^^^^^ unlike you im aware when im being irrational lmao (11) apparnetly you get to be and i dont thats how it always is did you ever think about it feels for me when my only friend does shit like this constantly like lmao ofc not bc why would you consider anything from my point of view this conversation is over until you want to stop fucking assuming i dont care LOL and acting as if me letting you go is the best thing that could happen to me like we couldnt j ust talk on twitter and let it fucking be but you have todrag it all in at least i get to get stuff off my chest thats the only fucking good that comes out of this like you dont get that you telling me the same thing hurts because it doesnt fucking work and i dont have any fucking friends i have college to deal with and studies and that pressure but you dont know the half of it? but you just want to assume, assume, assume (12) i cried already out of anger

Me: I didn't have friends in college either

Her: big offense but i dont want to continue this conversation

ME: Okay

Her: unles syoure willing to admit to your bullshit because ima lways doing that and im always getting the end of your shit

Me: I am made of nothing but bullshit I'm nothing but a huge fucking shit storm and I always will be. You should have left a long time ago because I don't know how to not be toxic It's not That I won't be upset by you leaving far from it but you deserved better people and maybe if you had left and kept trying as you have been things will turn around. Because literally everyone that has ever done that with me ended up fine and in a good spot. I hold people back. And that's all I can think of. I ruin other people's lives by being in it. And I've certainly made your life worse. And I'm just better off dead because I am a selfish fucking loser. I'll shut up now.

#personal #conversations #am I in the wrong???#my perception of reality is very bad #I wish I could tell easily when im being irrational #but i feel like im also just being belittled and treated poorly in her responses too #i am toxic #bad friends #idk ... man #there is a lot i want to say to certain points I might edit and respond with my thoughts now that I am no longer intoxicated #long post

0 notes

horansqueen · 6 years ago

Text

BabyGirl 3.0

NOTES:

♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts ♥ 3.2k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ thank you so so much for all the notes and feedback for the previous chapters! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! i hope you enjoy this chapter! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate. ♥ read part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE

3.0 ♥ APOLOGY & CULPABILITY ♥

HIM

I was pissed. Pissed at myself for not even noticing that Louis was bringing me into a trap. I like to think i'm good to guess people and their character, but through the years, I realized I was not as competent as I thought. Still, being played and betrayed by my very best friend was humiliating and incredily hurtful. I glanced at him and noticed guilt written all over his face, but it wasn't enough to take the feeling of betrayal running inside me.

"Wow, hey, it's been a while."

She glanced at Louis too and I breathed in before nodding.

"Yea, 4 years," I just pointed out, slipping my hands in my pockets, trying to find a way to escape this incredibly awkward and almost intolerable situation.

Could I pretend to get a call? Or a text message? Then run outside and call a cab? Was there any way for me to just run to the airport and fly as far away from here as I could? Even on the other side or the world I knew I couldn't feel better. It was too late. I had seen her again and I couldn't take my eyes off of hers.

She got older. I could see her hair were dyed but it was still pretty much the same shade of brown it always was, and I wondered why she'd do such a thing for so little change. Her dress was plain but pretty and she gained a little weight. For some reason, she seemed to glow in a way I couldn't explain.

"5." she corrected me. "It's been 5 years."

I was surprised when her eyes left mine to glance behind me but I kept looking at her. Perhaps, she still had that effect on me, but i didn't have the same effect on her. We used to be a bit obsessed with each other, and we could stare at each other for longer than most people would find acceptable.

My heart felt heavy, like stuck in a vice and someone was twisting it slowly, as if to make the pain less bearable and my death longer to come. I wanted to run away, yet my legs wouldn't move, i was stuck here indefinitely, forced to look into the eyes of the only girl i loved without being able to touch her.

"That long..." I nodded, as if I didn't know the exact date of the last time i saw her.

She nodded too and sent me a shy smile as I twisted the fabric of the inside of my pockets hard enough to feel my muscles tense.

"Louis... didn't tell me..."

She nodded quicker this time and glanced behind me again, where I only guessed Louis had gone, leaving both of us in a situation we didn't want to be in.

"Yea, no, he didn't tell me either." she chuckled, clearly uncomfortable. "Surprise, I guess."

We remained silent for a while and I started swaying gently on my toes. She finally closed her eyes and sighed, running her fingers in her long hair and somehow, it made my heart twitch.

"Look, Niall, I know it's late for this, but i'm so sorry."

I frowned but she kept talking.

"That fight was all on me, it was ridiculous, I shouldn't have insisted." she explained. "I'm so sorry for how things ended, Niall, I-I didn't want this."

Her apology hurt my heart and without thinking, I moved closer and grabbed her arms. The contact of my skin against hers was life changing, like electricity ran all over my body... like I was high on a drug I had never tried before. I knew she felt it too and she held her breath. My face was so close to hers I had to swallow and my lips parted but it took me a few seconds to talk.

"No, you really don't have to apologize, it was my fault, not yours." I whispered. "All mine."

From up close, I could smell her. She still used the same perfume as she always did, and it made memories invade my head. I remember the first time we met and how cold it was outside... and how bad I had wanted to kiss her. It made me realized I wanted it just as bad now, maybe more.

It felt wrong to be in her personal space and let go of her, feelings my palms burn again even if I wasn't touching her anymore. I took a step back and cleared my throat, forcing myself to look down.

"I'm surprised you're wearing a dress." I finally pointed out, trying to change the mood. "You look great, really."

She sent me an other smile, one that seemed slightly more sincere this time.

"Thank you, but you know me. If I could, i'd be here in my sweatpants." she pointed out, making me smile more. "The dress wasn't my idea."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise, relieved that we seemed to have a light conversation after being a bit emotional.

"Who's idea was it, then?"

She didn't have time to answer, I saw a tiny little girl run between us and wrap her arms around her thighs. I heard her laugh and looked up at her, but she was only looking at the kid.

"Mommy! Look!"

With an enthusiast face, the kid moved one of her arms up to show a doll who was already missing a shoe. I had a hard time to mend the pieces of what exactly was happening here but I watched her crouch down to discuss with the little girl. They hugged and she ran back to where she came from as my heart started beating harder in my chest. She had a kid and she was probably taken. I always suspected she had found someone else very quickly after we were over, but knowing it for sure hurt more than I thought it would. It was ridiculous, it's not like what we once had could ever come back. There was so much pain still left, so many things untold and unknown... this small encounter would only make things worse and I was scared that after today, even If i never saw her again, I would be even more scarred than I already was.

"That's your daughter?"

She nodded and her lips curled into a fond smile I had never seen on her. I held my breath a few seconds, trying to calm the thumps of my heart against my chest without much success. I've always enjoyed seeing her happy and it made me realize how bad I missed her laugh. Not a chuckle, or a giggle. A real laugh, the kind that echos on the wall and always seemed to reach my heart.

"So, you're married." I just pointed out, clearing my throat." How old is she?"

She raised her nose up in a grimace and chuckled, shaking her head from left to right. The sight made me smile despite myself and I stuck my hands in my pockets again, trying to restrain the need I suddenly had to be closer to her once more.

"No, I'm a single mom." she explained before her smile fell. "She's... she's four years and a half."

I couldn't explain how good it felt to hear she wasn't married, and I sort of felt bad for liking it. That's why it took me a while for the other fact to actually sink in. My lips fell and my eyes got bigger. Something stirred inside me, making me suddenly nauseous and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

"She's four years and a half..." I repeated.

Even though it was clearly not a question, I watched her as she nodded slowly, suddenly extremely serious.

"She's gonna turn five in a few months."

I pressed my hand on my mouth and held my breath, bending down slowly as i felt myself tear up. This couldn't be real. This was not happening. I had a daughter and I wasn't even aware of it, and all that seemed to flash in my mind was the fact that I didn't see her when she was born or when she walked for the first time. I wasn't there when she said her first word, and that for her, I was a total stranger. Did she even know she has a dad? A dad that would have loved her and cared for her if only he had known she existed?

"You..."

I couldn't talk, I was incredibly hurt and so many thoughts were running in my mind that I wasn't sure I could handle any at the moment.

"I am so so sorry, Niall."

I didn't want to hear her apologies, and I didn't want to hear her excuses. I just wanted to lock myself somewhere to get my thoughts and mind back into place. My vision became blurry after a few seconds and that's exactly when my daughter came back. Just thinking about those two simple words made my heart threaten to jump out of my chest.

"Mommy! Freddie broke my doll!"

It hit me so hard that it felt like someone was twisting a knife in my already open wound.

"Louis knew..."

Her head raised up at my words and her eyes opened wide as she was trying to fix the doll in her hands. Her expression betrayed her and I felt like someone had stabbed me in the stomach for a second time in the past 6 minutes.

Everything seemed to make sense suddenly. The reason why Louis would never talk about her or bring her up was obvious now. He couldn't or he would always risk to let out her secret. Lying to me was also not something he enjoyed and I guess he thought omitting something was not as bad as lying. But it was.

I closed my eyes and breathed in, trying to stop or at least calm the anger and hurt boiling inside me, but I couldn't help the feeling of loneliness flooding my body and mind. I felt sick and alone, and somehow, it felt like my ex girlfriend and my best friend had conspired in my back for the past five years.

Nothing could ever change that. Nothing could make that right. Nothing except maybe the love I already felt for a daughter I didn't even know.

HER

I knew that someday, i'd have to explain to my daughter what happened with her father, but i never thought it would happen so soon. I was slightly mad at Louis for literally pushing me into this meeting and forcing me to come face to face with Niall, but also with my own lies. I didn't understand why he did it. He could have done it years ago, why now?

I tried to push Louis out of my thoughts to focus on Niall, clearly as uncomfortable as I was, standing in front of me. I didn't remember the last time I felt so nervous and speechless, but having him so close after so long brought back memories and feelings I had tried to bury and ignore for years, and I wasn't sure I actually liked it.

He looked good, even better than in my memories, and even if I had tried to avoid him, his career and his music in the last years, looking at him after all this time still felt like home. Maybe the fact that I had a little child constantly reminding me of him helped keep the flame alive but it didn't matter. Niall was here and close, and the love I knew I had for him, even if i wouldn't admit before that it wasn't dead, was now burning my whole body and heart, threatening to leave only ashes. I'd be ready to give him my heart again even if the outcome would probably be as worse as the first time.

I felt the need to apologize for my behavior, but whenever I pronounced his name, my heart jumped in my chest. I felt like I hadn't heard it or said it outloud in so long it almost hurt to do it, but at the same time, it came so naturally and left a sweet after taste on my tongue.

A bunch of memories of when I would whimper his name rushed to my brain and made my heart jump. I could swear my cheeks turned a soft shade of red and I could try to blame it on the wine, but the thoughts made my whole body throb and my inside twist.

I always thought I had made the right choice to leave and let him live his life the way he deserved to. However, when he bent over slightly and seemed on the verge of tears, I felt incredibly guilty and bad for hiding it for so long. I could see the dimmed lights of the room make his eyes glisten and It really made me want to take him in my arms. I knew it wouldn't be a good idea so I just gave her doll back to my daughter and remained motionless, waiting for Niall to have an other reaction. Any would be good. He could even yell at me for what I had done, I wouldn't blame him. Instead. He shook his head and turned around to watch my daughter run back to the tree and he stared at her as she started playing with Freddie again.

"Louis has always known." he whispered, making me swallow an other lump of guilt with difficulty, before turning back to me. "He knew and he never told me."

"I made him promise not to tell you." I explained in a low tone, scared that my voice would crack. "I forced him. It's my fault."

It hit me that at some point, I was an important person in his life, and Louis was too. Niall had just realized that two of the persons he cared the most about had betrayed him, keeping a big and heavy secret from him, and I could understand it was hard to accept. I didn't even dare to hope he would ever forgive me.

I moved closer, placing my hand softly on his arm but he moved away and shook his head, rubbing his hand on his face for a while. He let out a few curse words and turned around, gripping his own hair and pulling on it. I shouldn't, but I felt endeared by the way he reacted, or perhaps it was simply from seeing some of his habits I was so used to see, yet had missed more than I thought.

"What's her name?" he finally asked after a few minutes, turning to me and diving his gaze into mine for a few seconds.

He looked sad and hurt and I did everything I could not to cry in front of him. For some reason, I felt like I didn't have the right to. He looked down and I swallowed again.

"Chelsea."

His head moved up roughly and he frowned. I knew he had a question burning his lips but he didn't ask. He just stared at me some more and breathed in, biting the inside of his cheek. I had never wished I could read his mind more than I did at that exact moment.

"Does she know about me?"

"She knows of you, but she doesn't know who you are."

Once again, he turned around on his heels slowly and moved back to face me, his hand holding the back of his neck. He stared at me and I couldn't hold all the tears anymore. I blinked and let a few fall down my cheeks without daring to wipe them off.

"When did you plan to tell me about her? When she'd insist more? When she'd be 18? Never?"

I didn't want to answer, and he guessed the truth because of my silence.

"Alright, never then." he said shaking his head.

I could feel he was getting angrier by the minute, but all I could focus on was the pain I heard in his voice every time his mouth would open. I would give anything to reassure him, but I knew that no matter what I did or said, it wouldn't make things better.

"I'm sorry, Niall." I whispered, making his face twist.

"Stop saying that." he almost begged before sighing extremely loud and leaving.

I watched him until he passed the door to go back to the cold weather without his coat and I shivered. I stared at the door for a few seconds until I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I didn't have to look, I knew it was Louis, and at this point, I was way past being mad at him for setting this up. Plus, I knew he'd have it tough with Niall, he didn't need me to make things even worse.

"Why did you do that, Lou?"

My voice was weak and I felt numb as his hand slipped on my arm gently. I swallowed and closed my eyes again. I couldn't explain to Niall why I kept him away. Back then, it seemed so obvious and legitimate but now, the aspects and reality I didn't want to see five years ago were right in front of me, and didn't seem to make any sense anymore.

"Because both of you were miserable. Because I felt like he deserved to know Chelsea. Because I felt like an impostor and a bad person for knowing his daughter and spending time with her when he didn't even know she existed." he explained low and slowly. "Because deep down, I'm sure you wanted him to know."

I remained silent and avoided his eyes again. All I could do was stare at the door in hope to see Niall walk back inside. Did I want Niall to know?

"It was not my place, or my choice to make, and I'm sorry." he added. "It was none of my business and I normally don't do that. I was wrong. But I can't say I regret it."

He was right, I knew he was, but admitting that was admitting I had failed. It was admitting that I was wrong and that I deprived Niall from so many memories and time with his daughter. I brought my hand to my mouth and did my best not to start sobbing.

"I'm not mad at you, Louis." I whispered, scared that i would start crying again if i talked louder. "I just hope he can forgive me one day."

"I hope he can forgive me too."

We remained silent for a while and Louis left for about a minute, bringing me back a full glass of wine that I swallowed a bit too quickly. It felt like we waited forever but I think my heart stopped completely when the door opened again. I held my breath, feeling my heart jump once against at Niall sight, and waited until he was back in front of me, He waited until Louis had left, without even sending him a glance.

His face was impassive and I licked my lips, suddenly nervous. His simple presence made my heartbeats accelerate and if you mixed that with the guilt I felt, it was even worse. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate or pass out.

"I want to see her. I want to spend time with her. I want her to know who I am." he just let out. "And you don't have the right to refuse. Not after what you did to me."

I waited a few seconds after he was done talking and nodded gently, still staring at him.

"Of course you can see her and tell her who you are, Niall." I expressed, feeling on the verge of tears again. "I'm never gonna stop you from seeing her. You're her father, and you'll always be."

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