#im just going off about some thoughts ive been havin

[worldwright]

good evening ! im more and more early nowadays but that's bc i have shitty days and i love our asks <3

the strong will to kill myself is still here full force and now i want to slit my throat open :) what a great way to start today's ask BUT GREAT NEWS I CAN STILL GET ANGRY

yay

it's been over a fucking month at least that i corrected someone's spelling in a fic because they butchered a bit too much a french word and I -a native french speaker- thought it'd be good to say to the guy to correct it, i was nice and all -normally i don't really care at all but it was too bad not to correct it yk LOL WRONG THE WRITER HAD THE FUCKING STUPIDITY TO RESPOND TO MY COMMENT AND NOT CORRECTING THE FUCKING SPELLING

FUCK YOU

it's a fucking spelling, everyone misspells from time to time for fuck's sake, just correct it ????? BUT NOPE. KEEP BEING AN IDIOT

and why would i remember that now ??? because a fucker that i don't even know, the only thing Im sure about him it's he's a friend of one of my friends by the fact he's on a friends' discord server where we all know each other IRL. we were all debating about AI videos (OpenAI Sora exists and that's hell) and i was talking about nsfw deepfakes and he went "never saw that", which isn't a fucking argument, and we were debating

and i said so, because that's not a fucking argument. and he said he knew that and i just went "okay /gen" and he didn't understand, so i explained to him what it meant what id just sent, because we use tone indicators in the server to avoid any misunderstandings, and a friend dropped a link to the most used tone indicators, so a short list, because she's nice and because we're all here to learn and all, AND THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE JUST WENT "LMAO IM NOT READING ALL OF THAT" WELL YOU FUCKER JUST GET OUT IF YOU WANT TO FUCKING ACT LIKE THAT

SO I INSULT HIM, RIGHTFULLY OR NOT IDFC I JUST LISTENED TO LEO GOING "INSULT HIM" AND I WAS LIKE "YEAH", BECAUSE YOU GO AND SAY THAT IM NOT UNDERSTANDABLE AND THEN SOMEONE PROVIDES YOU AN EXPLANATION AND YOU REFUSE ????? AND OH, YEAH, MAYBE I SHOULDNT HAVE SAID "IF YOU KEEP BEING MEDIOCRE IN YOUR COMMUNICATION YOU CAN GO AWAY" AND "DONT COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT UNDERSTANDING ME AND THAT YOU SEEMED LIKE A DICKHEAD WHEN YOU ADD A 'LMAO'" THEN YOU DARE TO ANSWER WITH "IT WAS JUST A MESSAGE, NO NEED FOR EASY INSULT" YOU MOTHERFUCKER

so. i didn't know i could still have the energy to be angry, but apparently i can :))))) my favorite feeling :)))) like it is not one of the FUCKING reasons i have so many traumas because my family FUCKING REFUSES THAT I HAVE NOT EVEN A BIT OF A LOUD EMOTION BECAUSE IM THE FUCKING PERFECT CHILD AND THAT I TRIED TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF ON A FUCKIN WHIM

so, to be short, ive never learned to live with emotions :))) normally that's Leo's and A.'s job to have strong emotions :)))) and now we all understand why my main occupation of the day is to fucking flee from my emotions because im a fucking mess

SO

have a wonderful morning my friend im gonna go and read some fics, wanted to continue mine today but that's not happening if i can feel anger (it can lead to self-harm pretty easily and fast, so that's a big no)

oh god, many sympathies, that sucks :'))))))))))

ugh some people just aren't worth arguing with. they're not trying to discuss anything, they're just trying to be a dick and refuse to change their views on literally anything

I'm in my friends' apartment!!!!! trip took a lot longer than planned last night due to train delays, but I made it!!!! had some alcohol and had a fantastic time :33333 we're going out to do fun stuff today :3333333333

gonna get groceries, get food, perhaps get ice cream, there's a really good bakery we can go to....... I'm havin a great time :3

my friend is doing better now!! still not fully recovered, but able to hang out

headed to the farmers market now!! hope you find a good fic to cool off with <3 <3 <3

[wildcatofgreen]

“Dear Diary”

Send “Dear Diary” to read a random entry of my muses diary/journal.

"I do not like you people. I really, truly, do not like you people."

With a sigh, she wandered over to her closet. Pushed a lot of clothes out of the way, to reveal a big box. Inside the box? Snack stash. She loves her trusty snack stash.

But under the snack stash, if you dug hard enough, was another box--a small chest, locked by a lock.

She took out the chest, and with an extended claw, she messed with the lock for a while until she heard it click open.

Inside the chest? Another box! This time with a combination lock.

She enters in a set of numbers that may or may not correspond with Lilac's birthday.

And with another click, the box is opened to reveaaaaal:

Two HEFTY books, one marked "Avalice/Burn Book", the other marked "Mobius". The Avalice book had some... weird, soft purple thing wrapped around it? Had a couple of pins on it too, but she didn't pay it much mind. She slipped it off, then wandered back over to her chair with both books. Let them drop on the table.

"Aight, here's the deal. I roll a 7 sided die. If it lands on 1, y'all get a random gossip. 2 to 4, y'all get Mobius diary. 5 to 7, Avalice diary. This is the only way I'm doing this, 'cause I ain't lettin' some chumps know my deepest darkest secrets without me havin' any say in it, capische?"

She'll grab in a little pen holder, a purple seven sided die with green dots representing the numbers.

Then, she'll just roll it.

"Mobius. Cool. Aight, gimmie a second."

Flips open to a random page, then, she'll read.

"dear diary "mobius is kinda like avalice. its pretty cool, but its cities are kinda lamer. me and sonyar went out to go eat something today and some of the food was based off of sonic!!! thats kinda cool--idk is like some sort of hero? that'd be sick. id know a REAL HERO. "i mean i already know myself and im the coolest hero around. but nobody really KNOWS that. SOME people do, but i gotta remind people that i saved the world at some point. and now on mobius nobody even KNOWS ME ITS REALLY LAME. I CANT SAY I SAVED THE WORLD THEYRE GONNA THINK IM LYING. "fuckin, some of the people here are way taller than they are in avalice. like bunnies are super short in avalice but here on mobius theyre like, normal sized? and there's bee people? ive never seen a bee person on avalice i never thought bees could be considered ''feral''. maybe ill look for a bee person on avalice when i get back home. "speaking of home this STUPID EMERALD IS PISSING ME OFF. IM TRYING TO USE IT LIKE BLACK DOOM SAID BUT NOTHING IS WORKING I DONT FUCKING GET ITTTTTTTTT. IT WHISKS ME TO RANDOM PLACES AND NOW IT DOESNT EVEN WANNA WORK I DONT GET IT I HATE THIS STUPID THING. i swear this is the longest ive ever been stuck somewhere its making me really miss home 3: "im glad im with someone i can trust but fuck dude, i miss lilac. and milla. they must be worried sick about me damn it. "fuck. im sure this isnt forever. im sure once i figure this stupid thing out i can take me and sonar back to avalice and id show him around and stuff. show him the big cities!!! shang tu's gonna WOW HIM TO DEATH BITS AND PIECES!!! "carol"

"Man I really ramble, huh?

"Me an' Sony used'ta go on little dates before we called them dates. Mostly 'cause I hated stayin' in one place and wanted to explore. Saw movies, wandered around town, did this that and the other.

"It was fun, but I was always homesick. Bein' with Sony was perfect, but if I could do it back home then I'd love it way more.

"Guess you could consider me lucky~.

"Think I prefer Avalice, though. More used to the terrain."

[rottytops]

update on this 4 anyone who cares

uhh i talked to the person abt it and they very quickly apologized and said they were just joking when they yelled, i made it really clear than i didnt find it funny and if they did it again i'd just walk, i thought that would be the end of it, and it kinda was, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttt

afterwards, they were telling me how upset they were and how it felt everyone was angry at them and im like, what are you talking about i think this was about as cordial as someone could be after being treated like shit, BUT IT TURNS OUT the person i was talking to was actually like, upset because THEY had been doing this not-dating flirty thing with some other dude for over a month now and this other dude was like yeah im not interested in going after you if youre gonna be two timing, and he cut it off with them (rightfully)

so here they are venting to me about the guy theyre uh, seeing? or were seeing lol

we aren't dating or anything, and i made it super duper clear they're free to do whatever they want with other people since this isnt a relationship, but i think the idea floated that we COULD date if we wanted to earlier, but this kinda force me to realize i don't actually..feel...anything towards them like at all. WHICH IS SO WEIRD FOR ME because i get crushes very easily, like i got rejected by someone i really liked several months ago and im only just now getting over it. i think i have a perfect track record for getting crushes on past fwb's too which has never worked out..lol...i think it'd be natural if i was interested in dating this person, considering how much time we spent together, but i just. do not.

generally if someone i liked did something that would give me the impression they liked someone else besides me i'd basically fucking break out in hives from jealousy, so me havin literally zero reaction to the news that the person im sleeping with and was considering dating had a whole other side piece is like. unheard of for me.

anyway now that ive had this revelation im trying to figure out how to end things and maybe just be normal friends or even cut the whole thing off considering we have very little interests in common and they don't even play video games............

i really do have to wonder if its because im on medication that im not jumping at an otherwise free relationship, i wonder if my "falls easily" personality trait was based off me seeing someone as a source of dopamine and gunning after that high and not really liking who i was seeing...and now that i AM medicated i can look at someone and objectively be like, i can mine dopamine from this but am choosing not to. it makes me feel a little uneasy to think about, but the past is the past and pivi forma de meds is shaping up to be a totally different person to pivi (non medication)

anyways thanks for reading my dumb not relationship drama, the tl;dr is they apologized and everything is fine but i dont really care anymore

Dumb irl stuff blrhgu

Urhrhdhdjfhgjr ok so ive been like kinda seeing someone as a casual thing for the past like 3ish months, and its been nice and all but now my opinion of them is rapidly flip flopping. So. I invited them over a few days ago to go running, and i go running at night, so its all dark out.

The run itself went fine but on our way back theyre looking something up on my phone and we're about to cross the street, but the light wqs green and cars were coming, so i stop them bc its dark and i dont want them to get hit and.

They just start full on fucking screaming at me like full volume "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT. WE COULD HAVE CROSSED THE STREET BY NOW, NOW WE HAVE TO WAIT!!!" and im just staring at them like 🙃 because

1. My shitty upbringing makes it so if someone yells at me i kinda just go silent and let them finish

2. Utter bewilderment at a near cartoonish overreaction for me to not want them walking into traffic while looking at a phone in the middle of the night

So i dont say anything after and just play it off even though its driving me nuts (getting yelled at is like my most hated thing ever i personally remember every single time someones yelled at me for the past like 7 years). They said they were in a bad move beforehand so like. Okaym whatever.

Thennnn yesterday they text me abt having to do this shitty medical thing and im like. That sucks!! Ill be here to support you and everything will be fine :) and their response was basically, well, yeah itll be fine but you dont actually have to go through it while i do. And i was like, im not having this, okay. Cool, bye.

Im seeing them today bc they forgot stuff at my house but im torn between talking to them about it and just seeing if they take their stress out on me again, we're grown ass adults i shouldnt have to say heyyy so i kinda dont like getting yellles at :)

Like i am wayyy too cute and in too high demqnd to get treated like this, youre on 2 strikes bestieee

[spacegayapollo]

just some dumb thoughts i kinda wanted to write down, ill try not to make it long...

for the past year i havent seen a therapist... i saw a girl about three times but it wasnt really working out plus i was so busy and didnt have that connect super well to keep seeing her so i stopped. With recent events ive thought itd probably be a really good idea to go back to seeing one but now that im 20 im not longer on any medical plan that covers it so id have to pay for it myself. plus the major part is finding someone who deals with transgendered issues and also depression and anxiety. The thing is that i cant go to my mom to help me with that cus im still in the closet completely to my family. I think this year im gonna tell my family im bi because well, its twenty gayteen, its the best time to do so. I know my step dad knows because his gf told him accedently and i know hes cool with it but i havent OFFICALLY come out to him. I dont really know why im so scared to? Even with the very off chance that my mom kicks me out, i can stay with him. So why the fuck am i so scared? Im SO open about it to my friends and coworkers, i just dont know why my brain works like this.

Ive also been thinking about taking medication. Ive been going to therapy since i was 11 years old and clearly just that alone isnt gonna fix me, sure its helped but i still feel like shit. so i need that extra help. I want it, but im not finacially in that spot. I think i will be this summer, with how well my new jobs been going. And i am really happy there, ive had like 3 bad days in the span of the 6 months ive worked there and two of those days werent even work related it was cus i just got in my own head too much. and people notice. 

and that gets me to the last thing i wanted to go off about. My coworkers. i love them all so fucking much, like so much ive never loved a group of people so quickly and so much in my whole life. theyre all amazing. But sometimes someone will say something as a joke and its not a joke to me, and i dont know how to seriously tell them not to make that joke. and i cant get mad at them because they dont know, ive been careful to not tell them TOO much about myself. Sometimes someone will use my first name, and i cant explain WHY i hate it so much because then id have to come out as trans to them and for one thing im not ready for that and for another it might cost my rapid moving up. Like im going to become a sous chef, but theres that small chance that someone higher up is transphobic and im not going to take that risk until im ready, and my position is secured. I know it wont be a shock to anyone im close with at work cus we all “joke” about how im barely female or how im some we mass of meat from outer space. 

Regardless of that and a few other minor things, i am happy with where im at. Considering i thought id be dead at 18, im doing pretty fucking well. 

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

.

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: heading back / 3.11.21

zoom and enhonse

LAST TIME ON ARVUS taure passed out and we are now down a healer! also we met a disciple of halvkar, and surprisingly did not murder her. this is fine. we have instantly gotten distracted by our various carts. cats. our various cats

DID ANY OF US CATCH TAURE, SHE FELL OVER sieron tried to catch her and smacked charlie+thorne in the face (he rolled a nat1, f) BUT the catboy is to the rescue bc silje is the designated Not Incompetent of the group today

CONSULT THE CHILD hewwo yrel yrel: her mind is being consumed by the serpent of nightmares. :D charlie: HELLO?????//

so, dendar(?) the night serpent is imprisoned beneath arvus! she was formed from the nightmares of the first sentient being, and sometimes she eats people's nightmares. if she's exceptionally hungry, she'll force nightmares onto people for her to feed off their fear. yrel thinks taure will Probably wake up. there's a thing on arvus mentioned by the locals called a "sleeping sickness" where people will fall asleep for a few days, sometimes longer, but will wake up. its magical in cause, the people afflicted by it have horrific nightmares, and its just kinda. a thing. wowza

(i have gone back to spelling yrel's name as yrel bc i think it looks nice)

OH HEY SOMEONE POSTED A THEORY ON ONE OF MY STICKMOLUS ANIMATIONS man i should get back to stickmolus sometime. once dsmp releases its awful grip on me.

i keep getting distracted by seeing myself in the camera preview. i have a tooth gap! what the fuck its cute?? K I KNOW WE'RE SUPER BLURRY IN FRONT RN BUT PLEASE HELP ME STAY FOCUSED I SWEAR -leo

we're gonna build a sled! to put taure on. thorne: i have a good strength score. ....i say, out loud charlie: i am four feet tall. [cue argument between thorne & sieron about them both being horcs but sieron has a +0 bc strength is his dump stat] OH, OKAY, THORNE ROLLED A NAT20 TO CARRY TAURE. NICE

[discussion about what to tell everyone at camp vengenace] thorne: the last thing we need to do is a witch hunt charlie: --and we already hunted the witch! the witch has been hunted.

time to discuss strategy! we need to figure out how to head back to camp vengeance, eg if we want to follow the path we already took or if we wanna do some trailblazing. looks like we're gonna try and take the most direct path! which means we'll prolly risk tangoing with some undead but im willing to risk it TINY HUT STAIRCASE sorry i just remember it now and then

nyx: [meowing at his cats] thorne: uh... why is silje meowing? jorb: silje's food bowl is empty jorb: you look at silje's food bowl and there's a divot in the middle and the food is all on the sides emotionally, we must bully the catboy silje saw something interesting and started meowing

thorne: ill take first watch silje: ill also take first watch. charlie: [quietly] gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy (but, like, extended for 15 seconds)

silje: [takes watch] [rolls a nat1 and gets distracted by looking at his crush]

THORNE HAS LOCATED A DOG the dog does not give a shit about the tiny hut. THE DOG HAS PEED ON THE TINY HUT goodbye dog

EVERYONE IS ROLLING AT LEAST 1 NAT1 thorne: wow! that sure is a dog. thorne has drawn the worst possible dog. thorne has erased the worst possible dog. we dont speak of the worst possible dog its the dog version of honse. DONSE

sieron is now on watch! MAN we are havin trouble rolling today. at least kali's here to make sure sieron doesnt stare at a rock for 50000 years sieron sees a mouse! bottom text

charlie is now on watch! kali is havin a big ol thonk. nothing meaningful has come of this

i am perceiving some deer. sieron is not perceiving some deer. silje is perceiving some deer, but better the deer are fucked up and undead! silje has gone from "we should hunt these deer for food" to "we should hunt these deer for sport"

charlie: i do not feel like being jumped by five thousand skeletons

charlie takes first watch with sieron! WHY ARE OUR ROLLS SO TERRIBLE taure is super cursed right now. that's not very pog charlie: this place sucks. thorne: to be fair, we havent-- charlie: YOU'RE ASLEEP, SHUT UP

oh hey coolname galvanic finally partied. nice.

thorne is at watch! solar: hey, is leomund's tiny hut an orb? there's a critter digging around! AH, THE CRITTER IS UNDEAD. this could be a problem

solar: hey michael, how much does the horrific sin against god dog i drew look like this creature michael: [dice roll noises] about 50%.

michael: if anyone likes, they can make a nature check-- solar: ME MEMEMEMEME ME ME ME

its a bulette! aka a land shark. problem: they are not normally undead. this one is undead.

jorb: imagine if you could tame one of those and use it as a mount. leo: IT WOULD JUST DIG UNDERGROUND AND LEAVE YOU THERE

we are just calling it a weird dog

we're going to mail a letter to the heart of arvus. HEY, CHECK OUT THIS WEIRD DOG,

JORB FOUND ART OF A BABY BULETTE. WEIRD PUPPY!

solar: hey guys, check out this sick art of a bulette i found

silje kept a lookout for the weird dog but its just fucked off. goodbye, weird dog give it up for day 3!

man there's been like, three incinerations today in blaseball. what's up with that. I SWEAR IM MOSTLY PAYING ATTENTION its just been an eventful day in blaseball. also im wearing my garages bomber rn. jaylen is home wooOOOO the wind smells stinky. this is fine.

we're actively avoiding whatever combat michael keeps nudging at us bc we're carrying around an unconscious person and i SWEAR hes gonna throw something directly at us once he's done with our shenanigans

UHH MICHAEL ASKING FOR PASSIVE PERCEPTION LOL

huh. this place used to be inhabited? we're in the woods rn but there's some like, stone ruins? like, VERY ruins. like, not really any structures standing, but enough evidence to show there Were things. WE FOUND A STATUE charlie: i want to smash my face against the lore.

used to be a circle of standing stones, but most of em fell over or got overgrown. inside of the circle has been cleared, although v roughly-- ground's torn up statue is of fjolnir! warrior holding up a spear and shield. AH, THERE ARE CORPSES, a human got REAL fucked up here. one of the corpses is straight up impaled on fjolnir's spear. n ... not pog.

i am trying so, so hard to pay attention. but i also kinda wanna take a nap.

charlie: [stares at statue] [rolls a 4] i wonder if he had a dick.

okay so something rolled in, tore up the overgrowth inside the circle, and murdered a couple dudes. and was also super tall and human-adjacent. hrm.

oh my god why are we rolling so shit today. time to stealth away and hope we dont get casually dismembered

k: jorb's hair is so long... leo: K, PLEASE,

time for a break! i am very tired but im gonan see if i can push through a little further. nyx is petting his cat why do orangatangs look like that

first watch is thorne and sieron! have they even, like, talked thorne unhabby ): thorne's worried we were tresspassing when checking out the statue, meanwhile im thinking about that one time when sieron got bit by a groundhog

(oh my god this is from late 2018)

leomund's tiny hut, aka the anti-sea bear circle we are getting SO much mileage out of the tiny hut. SILJE HUMS A SONG WITH KALI cute........... FINALLY I HAVE ROLLED ABOVE A 14 wait no i rolled a 16 twice. anyway we are not dead

nearly at camp vengenace! boy howdy i hope camp vengeance didnt get burned down. AH FUCK TAURE IS UNCONSCIOUS SO WE CANT CAST FOR DETECT POISON kaepora nearly made us all shit ourselves but its okay he just saw some bison and thought it was cool Michael Is Consulting Several Tables

WHY DOES JORB'S CAMERA ZOOM LIKE THAT why am i hungry. i have so many questions

HEY, TALL GUY [smacks sieron]

camp vengeance looks better! like, nobody's Obviously Sick anymore, the medical tents arent overfilled, we did it! we saved the dayyyyyy time to report to ryder! taure's getting dropped off at the medical tent

man remember when charlie didnt wear pants

oh man, with taure unconscious charlie is now taking point with social interaction. wild. jk im making jorb do it bc im tired HAHA NAT 20 PERSUASION BC OF ME HELPIN SIERON man ryder is such a cock. he was totally ready to keep throwing troops at heaven's brazier to die until we managed to persuade him out of it. jorb: did we tell ryder about the vision? michael: you kinda just took a look at him and went STINKY BOY!

okay yeah anything that dies on arvus will just pop back up as undead. man, arvus sucks.

ryder: alright, dismissed. charlie: seeya, soldier boy! :D hahahahaha im gonna eat his knees.

SILJE NEEDS ENRICHMENT IN HIS ENCLOSURE

charlie: ive decided he sucks. silje: we've already arrived to that, you're late!

LMAO WE WALKED IN ON INGRID AND HER CRUSH they fuckin. nice. you go, you funky lesbian

jorb: we've got the tiny hut, we could go anywhere leo: we could go to SPACE! nyx: we could not go to space. leo: WITH A TINY HUT STAIRCASE, WE CAN,

we are 320 miles away from the spaceship that exists on arvus. nice.

michael: justin sees you-- roll a strength saving throw. leo: i cant wait to die! [rolls a 3] I AM CRUSHED BY MY DOG michael: he rolled a nat20.

BOSS ENCOUNTER: CHARLIE'S DOG (the small circle next to him is one of the medical tents.)

THORNE IS PACT OF THE GUN solar: PARRY THIS, YOU FUCKING CASUAL

sieron, to ingrid: seems like youve been doing well charlie: i punch sieron. sieron: sieron: the camp, of course.

man we have no idea if the heart of arvus is actually related to the prophecy or not. theres a Lot of stuff lining up, but not enough, and its hard to say how much of it couldve been literal?

solar & michael: [discussing exposition] me: [cracking up bc penn sent me a funny dsmp joke]

prophecies are weird.

charlie is just s she is just sitting here SILJE PLAYED CARDS REALLY GOOD AT ME nyx rolled a nat20 and took all my money

oh cool we can talk to yrel telepathically! time to hoist yrel. THIS IS SO SCUFFED thorne mentioned yrel and now we're trying to explain to ingrid that we have a magic talking snake charlie: I WANT TO GO HOME. thorne: we cant go, we have a GOD-KING to kill! "i think theyre insane, theyre talking to a snake" "ingrid, druids exist" "oh. im gonna go back to getting railed by my 7 foot tall girlfriend"

[ghostfruits]

man like

miss yall& i mean that

there isnt really anything else that replicates how this whole thing like worked for us via tumblr. there is not really an equivalent thing. we are kind of in the middle of shirking our sort of demo squarespace website to build something tht can. it sucks way dicks tht this service kinda killed itself while we was gone. im sorry we ever had to be gone 2 begin with! but shit is stone solid now n we tryna get this airship like...built

ever since we like half started all this in like 2013 weve had to build like everything we wanted & thought already existed from zero kinda. group shit wasnt really happening (still kinda aint) so like 7-person anthology zines was a hard as fuck sell especially arranged the way we was arrangin them. niggas wasnt doing like Clothes clothes really. niggas wasnt like..idk. all of the stuff we ever put up was because we was confused yall like wasnt already or didnt understand like where it went or what happened with it and now kind of we are having to build a website to be on because the bottom fell out of this one and that is frustrating but like idk

im not gonna be in th mood to post here a lot but i fuckin miss you niggas idk. when i was like 17 18 and the like initial roots of ghost was starting to take hold i had been really into that fuckin..mechafetus visublog thing? and that went away and then i sorta skated off tht into OF and they also sorta just gradiented out and like idk. i never ever ever wanted that to be us. when we DID have to split i wanted to tell you everything i could about it bc it broke my heart to keep investing in niggas and having it go nowhere. havin those universes sorta fall apart. with like very few exceptions we all still here and good. like not only is ghost back but also its like in probably better shape than it has been like ever and i guess i would wanna know tht. i would wanna know tht abt those other ppl. idk

i live in georgia now with mango and toc. mikah comin thru like next month for a buncha weeks, b was supposed to be there but we was too broke to bus him from the ATL airport n dates got like weird. windy still in the cut. mandy still in the cut. i didnt know how under wraps it was but francine witnesstheabsurd is in ghost now which is out of fucking control bc shes like one of the first people i like ever followed like dumb years ago. me n noah been coolin again. idk

you niggas gave me some years yo..i see a lot of th same people who i was sending dusty ass cds to in 2013 in my room in tht tiny bum ass town in northeast pennsylvania like in our mentions still. like still like rn like today and that makes me feel like im spinning if i think abt it too hard. idk. i havent slept still and iv got a kind of weird gross electricity in me rn but like shit idk

thank u i guess

thank u i guess for havin been here. i hope u hang out to see th rest. u are the only niggas i got any interest in impressing. iono

its still

[xuteline-blog]

I want you to love me now

read on ao3!

Word Count: 3,489

Pairing: Seonghwa/Hongjoong

Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Feelings Realization, Past Relationship(s), Getting Back Together, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Chatting & Messaging, seonghwa jus wants to be held..., and thats exactly what hongjoong will do!!, Kissing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Not Beta Read

Description:

Seonghwa didn't know who he had expected to be there at Yunho's movie night marathon. All he was told by Yeosang was that he had invited a couple friends over. He had never thought he'd find himself reunited with the very person that taught him what love really was, and to have a chance at it again.

Seonghwa knew what love was. He knew about it before he was even in preschool.

His mother and father, holding hands as they stared into each other's eyes, whispering confessions before giving a peck on the lips to eachother, waving goodbye as one of them left.

His mother and fathers thumbs caressing eachothers hands, sitting on the couch as his fathers arms enveloped his mothers frame, both content, both warm.

His mother and father, in love.

He saw it every day. He knew what love was.

He was told in class once that being in love would be when hes most happiest. He was told in class once that being in love was what everyone wanted. He was told in class once that being in love felt like you were a firework, about to be ignited, and when you saw the person you loved, you would light up, and felt like as if your body was on fire.

He was told about it every day. He knew what love was.

It wasn't until Seonghwa reached his senior years in high school that he contemplated love. Looking back, he had never really felt what people told him love felt like. He had had his fair shares of relationships, and by the way he felt absolutely downtrodden after his breakup with a guy in his class two years ago, he really had thought he had been in love. But maybe... it was just infatuation? Maybe an oblivious case of puppy love.

He remembered the day clearly.

It was stormy, the rain pouring down as Seonghwa looked out the window of the library. He had came here to study, as his last exam was coming up and he couldnt afford to fail. His scholarship depended on it.

He sat alone at a table, the librarian allowing him to keep his hot chocolate as his books and papers laid in front of him, his small makeshift study desk unorganised and messy.

He watched as the rain droplets danced around each other, how they stepped close before stepping back before colliding together, catching eachother and finishing their dance at the bottom of the window pane.

What a weird metaphor, he thought. Rain droplets, two lovers dancing around each other and away, too scared to cross paths before giving their all to their other.

He had never felt such a way.

A hand slammed on his desk, tearing him away from his thoughts. He looked up at the culprit, his wide eyes furrowing as he took in who had scared him.

"Hongjoong," He stopped twirling his pen between his fingers, holding it steady as its tip nearly touched paper. "What do you need?"

"I just wanted to check on you!" Hongjoong smiled, and Seonghwa felt warmth blossom in his chest at the confession. Hongjoong grabbed a chair from the table infront of Seonghwa, turning it to sit at Seonghwas desk. "You've been hauling yourself up here a lot lately, I was worried if you were doing good," Seonghwa fought a smile as the shorter boy sat down, leaning onto Seonghwas table.

"I have been doing fine, just studying," Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows at the statement.

"But exams have finished?"

"Not this last one, its an exam to confirm whether or not I will be going to my desired University,"

"Oh? But i thought the scholarship covered that?"

"No, it was like a golden ticket. All expenses paid and a course set for me as long as I ace this exam,"

"What happens if you dont pass?"

"They take my scholarship and give it to someone else. They also refer me to other universities and colleges that would suit me if I so ask them too," Hongjoong looked down at the desk, eyes examining the strewn papers as he pouted. Seonghwa could fight the smile that ordained his face.

"Whens the exam?" Seonghwa grabbed one of his textbooks and his writing book, copying a few things down.

"On Friday," Hongjoongs eyes widened, his mouth agape.

"Thats only two days away! You better be studying!"

"You said you came up here because of how ive been," Seonghwa put down his pen, raising his hands to make air quotes. "'Hauling myself up here'"

Hongjoong banged the table, causing a semi loud bang to exho through the library. The librarian looked aorund the corner, pinpointing Hongjoong with her glare and shushing him. Hongjoongs cherks turned red as embarrassment took over him.

"I-I know i said that! I just— didn't you just have your last school exam yesterday, then? Have you been studying for this exam while stuudying for the schools ones, or just started now?" Seonghwa wtched as Hongjoong leaned back in his chair, a pout making its way back onto his face.

"I had been studying for this since Saturday, ap you do not need to worry. In fact, i think this may be my last long study session for a while. I'm pretty confident of where i stand right now," Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, a small smile forming.

"Thats nice to hear. Does that mean you could probably hang out with us tomorrow? We all miss you..." Hongjoong trailed off, having grabbed Seonghwas pen and spinning it on the table. Seonghwa felt more warmth course through his body at the statement. He missed them too.

"I will, do not fret. I've just been—"

"—We know you've been busy! You don't need to say it, we all have been busy!," Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong, the sudden outburst unexpected. "But... That was a yes?" Hongjoong sat up straighter, his eyes wide and sparkling. How cute.

...Cute?

"Yes, I will be there Joongie, don't worry," Hongjoong jumped up, startling Seonghwa. He grabbed Seonghwas hands and held the tight, smiling brightly.

"After school, meet up at the front gates, do not be a single minute late!" And as quickly as Hongjoong had showed up, he ran off, barreling through the library doors with a bang, the librarian looking at Seonghwa with a frown while the boy stared at his hands, caught off guard by what Hongjoong had done.

He traced his left hand with his right, and his right with his left, eyes wide as he felt the tingles in his hands slowly dissipate. He felt somewhat... giddy. A rush from when Hongjoong had touched him. Seonghwa felt heat rise on his cheeks.

And while his body was still riding the high of the moment, from when Hongjoong held his hands, to his bright smiles directed at him, he couldn't help but think 'Oh no'.

***************************

It was a stormy day, and Seonghwa was stuck in his dorm. His roommate had left earlier, telling Seonghwa that he was visiting his parents for the week. So here Seonghwa was, alone in his dorm, a storm playing out right in front of him, and his hands curled around a cup full of hot chocolate as he lived carelessly for the week off. What more could he ask for?

He sipped his hot beverage, humming in content as he swirled the hot chocolate in his mouth, savouring the taste.

As he reminisced in the moment, his phone chimed. Seonghwa turned his head towards his phone, glancing at the notification on the lock screen. He leant over, grabbing the phone and unlocking it. He clicked on the notification, which was a message, and read it.

hehet

would u be free rn?

Seonghwa stared at the message eyebrows furrowed before sighing and putting his hot chocolate down.

pluto

yes I would, why?

also, why pluto

hehet

cuz u aint real 😍😍😌

pluto

what

pluto is real sangie

its just not a planet

sangie.

hehet

omfg stop bullying me

hehet changed pluto's name to bully!

bully

youre insufferable

hehet

u love it

ok anyway what i actually came here for

so ur actually free to do anythin today??

bully

yes sangie, im free today

why, did something happen? do you need me to come over and hang out?

hehet

no no, dw

just needed to make sure so everything goes according to plan

ok so anyway

come meet us at yunhos dorm, were havin a mini movie party n meeting some of his friends!!

bully

oh?

what kind of movies? and what kind of friends?

hehet

idk but not horror thats all i know!! i remember yunho sayin he wanted to watch some disney or nostalgic films so theres that

also !! do not worry abt the friends!!

they r super kind n funny, youll love em :]

bully

youve already met them? thats kind rude :/

hehet

it was by accident :[[

i went over to yunhos to give him back a hoodie he left at our last study sess @ my dorm n i met em!!

it was only for a minute, i was rushin since i was late to class

bully

hmm... ok, ill accept it

what time will it be then?

hehet

at 4 and if yunhos roomate does end up coming home early from his mini trip, itll end at 10, but if not, we can stay the night

bully

not to be rude, but i really hope his roommate does not come back to the dorms until later tomorrow

hehet

same

knowing us, we'd just pass out on the couch anywaybully

ok u guys will, im responsible

hehet

sounds pretty fake ngl :///

bully

ok then, i shall go back to what i was doing before you messaged me

hehet

wait seonghwa i wanna keep talkin im bored :[[

seonghwa??

seongie??

ddeonghwa????

: [

***************************

It was an hour before Seonghwa had to leave. He had just gotten out of the shower, mostly wiped down, but his hair was still dripping.

He shook his head, feeling his hair stick to his face and water droplets fly everywhere. He brought up the towel to his head and vigorously dried his hair.

After drying himself down, he got dressed. Nothing extravagant or formal, but something comfortabe and simple. It was practically a sleep over he was invited to, after all.

It was now 15 minutes till Seonghwa would have to be at Yunho's. He know walking to Yunho's dorm would take at least 10 minutes, since it was not on the other side of campus, but a far bit away.

Seonghwa went through his mental checklist. Phone, check. Charger, check. Earphones, check. Small over the shoulder bag full of snacks, a pair of spare clothes, and an apparent rose flavoured lip balm, check.

At the thought of the lip balm, he licked his lips. His lips had been dry during the week from the cold weather, so he took up Yeosangs advice on picking up one or two lip balms. Of course, he bought the only ones that were supposedly to be what a flower would taste like. He picked up the lip balm, applying it to his lips and smacking them together before putting it back.

He checked the time.

12 minutes left.

He grabbed all his things, his keys jingling in his hands and a dmall umbrella in his pockets. He opened his dorm door, exiting and locking the door before finally leaving the dorm building. He grabbed his umbrella, opening it up once he stepped foot outside, wlaking along the footpath, frowning when he noticed the mud making its way across the path.

He sighed as the rain started to pour harder, his grip tightening on his umbrella.

He did not want to walk back to his dorm through this weather.

***************************

He made it to Yunho's dorm a bit later than he had expected. His shoes were caked in mud, and no, he did not slip in mud, he just wanted to be like Peppa Pig for a fleeting moment.

He knocked on Yunho's door, wiping his shoes off at the mat and taking them off. He shook his umbrella, the water flying everywhere. Maybe he should ahve done that outside, but it was too late now.

The door opened, revealing Yeosang who just pouted.

"You're late," Seonghwa pushed past Yeosang, dropping his umbrella near the door and placing his shoes near the rest. There's definitely a few new pairs there, either Yunho got more shoes, or his friends are already here.

"You try walking here in this weather," A few laughs were heard in the distance. Yep, definitely here.

Yeosang shook his head, closing and locking the door. He turned to Seonghwa, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards lounge.

"So, what's happened so far?"

"Nothing much! Just been playing some switch waiting for you," Yeosang stopped as they made it to the lounge. "Look who's here!" Seonghwa looked at the three men that were on the couch, all three watching the TV as they battled in MarioKart.

"Is it Seonghwa?" Yunho asked before he crossed the finish line, jumping up and laughing.

"I win!" The man sat on the right of Yunho crossed the line next, pointing to the man that sat on the left of Yunho, laughing.

"And you're last!" The man on the left sighed, corssing the line.

"Wow, that was so fun," Yunho laughed, the man that came second now standing up and turning around. Huh, almost as tall as Yunho.

"Let me introduce them to you, Hwa?" The man on the left, stood up, but still didnt turn around. Quite short, thats cute.

"This," Yunho gestured towards the taller man out of the two newcomers. "Is Mingi," The man now identified as Mingi waved his hand, a smile plastered on his face.

"And this," Yunho reached over to the smaller man, grabbibg his shoulder and forcefully turning him around. "Is—"

For a moment, the world stopped.

For a moment, their eyes met.

For a moment, they were seeing eachother again.

"—Hongjoong?" Seonghwa blurted out, cutting off Yunho. The shorter man, now known as Hongjoong, shared a similar expression to Seonghwa, yes wide and mouth agape.

Holding hands, watching as the sun set over the horizon, the light painting his face, his eyes sparkling.

"Seonghwa?" Yunho looked between the two, confusion plastered all over his face.

Bright smiles, warm laughs. Soft lips, peppered kisses.

"You two knew eachother?" Seonghwa nodded, at a loss for words as he stared at the boy infront of him.

"Thats so cool! It's like it's fate for you two to meet again," Yunho exclaimed. "But come on, we gotta get ready for our movie marathon, its half hour past the time we were supise to start!"

***************************

It was around midnight that Seonghwa finally couldnt take the awkwardness around him and Hongjoong. He got up from his spot on the floor, making his way to the kitchen and flicked on the light, going to grab a drink and a snack from his bag.

As he trifled through his bag, finding the pack of chips he craved for, he turned around and almost felt his soul leave his body.

There was Hongjoong, standing right in front of him.

He had to hold back a scream.

"Woah! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Hongjoong threw his hands up, taking a step back.

Seonghwa gained back his thoughts, the adrenaline dissipating.

"Do you need something?" He asked. He watched as Hongjoong suddenly became nervous, looking down at his feet. He has red hair... it looks... fluffy.

"I-I just... I kinda wanted to talk to you?" Seonghwa felt heat rise to his cheeks as he ran through the possibilities of just what Hongjoong would possibly say.

"About what?"

Silence overtook the two for a moment. Then Hongjoong spoke up.

"About... why you left," Seonghwa shifted his body, suddenly feeling so small. "Why you never contacted us," He felt shame slowly seep through his body. "Why you... never contacted... me," He looked down at his feet.

No one spoke for a minute, both thinking, both waiting.

"I never did get my scholarship..." Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, eyes wide.

"Wha—"

"I passed the exam for it, but by the time the people giving out the scholarship had marked it, all the scholarships had been given away,"

Seonghwa felt tears begin to pool in his eyes.

"I was so disappointed in myself, I didnt want you all to see me," He inhaled shaky breath, emotions coming back as he relived the moment in his mind. "So I just told you all that I got in and... left,"

He felt Hongjoong take his hands, caressing them softly. Like he used too.

"Why did you never talk to me after? You didnt even tell me you wanted to break up," Hongjoongs voice broke near the end. "You just went... radio silent," Seonghwa couldn't help the tear that ran down his face.

"I never wanted to break up," Seonghwa squeezed Hongjoongs hands. "I just— I wanted time, time to fix things, so i could say I was attending college, that I wasn't a fuck up..." He felt Hongjoong squeeze his hands back, he heard how the other boy sniffled. He must be crying too.

"Seonghwa, listen to me," Suddenly, Hongjoong was cupping his face, his hands so soft, and his eyes looking straight into Seonghwas soul. "You are not a fuck up, you hear me?"

"I'm sorry," His voice broke, tears now streaming down his face, one after the other. Hongjoong had tears slipping down his face himself. He lifted his thumb, wiping some tears off Seonghwas face.

"It's okay, I forgive you, HwaHwa," Seonghwa couldn't help but let a whine escape him at the nickname.

"HwaHwa! You're so cute!"

Hongjoong laughed wetly at the reaction.

"You'd think i forget what that nickname did to you," He stroked Seonghwas cheek lovingly, smiling fondly at Seonghwa, and Seonghwa couldnt help but feel his previous worries disappear just looking at him.

Seonghwa buried his face into Hongjoongs neck and threw his arms around Hongjoongs shoulders, letting another embarrassed whine escape him.

Hongjoong laughed at the action, snaking his arms around Seonghwas waist. They both stayed in that position for a few minutes, iust enjoying the company, the warmth. Enjoying eachother.

Hongjoong threw his arms over Seonghwas neck, pulling him down to give him a strong hug.

"Your hugs are the best, Joongie,"

Seonghwa felt Hongjoong shift, his hold on Seonghwa loosening. He felt a hand coursing through his hair, the action sending shivers down his spine, and a blush on his cheeks.

"I've missed this," Hongjoong whispered. Seonghwa picked his head back up, looking at Hongjoong.

"I did too," Hongjoong smiled.

Hongjoong raised his hand, putting it under Seonghwas chin and slowly pulling him down back towards him. Soon enough, their noses were touching, and they could feel eachothers breaths fan eachothers faces.

It took just a moment for Seonghwa to understand what Hongjoong wanted to do.

He looked to Hongjoongs eyes, noticing how they flickered back up to his then fown to his lips. Seonghwa did the same, his gaze lowering down to Hongjoongs own plush lips.

Seonghwa unconsciously licked his own.

"Can I..." Hongjoong trailed off, but Seonghwa knew what he was asking. He nodded his head, feeling Hongjoong pull him closer.

Then he felt Hongjoongs lips on his.

And suddenly, he felt like he was back in high school. When Hongjoong would sneak up on him in the bathrooms to give him a few wuick pecks on the lips before running away. When Hongjoonga arms would wrap around his his waist, pulling him into his lap, and even if Seonghwa was the taller one out of them, Hongjoong would always find a way to make Seonghwa feel small and safe in his arms.

He felt light again, like all his problems had been thrown away. He felt like the weight he carried had been lifted.

Seonghwa broke the kiss first, gasping for air, breathless. His lips a shade of bright pink

Hongjoong just stared at the boy, breath taken at the sight before him.

Hongjoong pulled Seonghwa back down again, both diving in for a kiss, each one more heated than the last.

Soon enough, both broke away, catching their breathe as they were pushed against eachother.

"I've wanted to do that for so long since then. I've missed it sso much," Hongjoong panted out.

"Me too," Seonghwa took a hold of Hongjoongs hands, looping his fingers between his own.

"This means that, you know," Hongjoong was anxious again, eyes flicking from Seonghwa to the floor. "That we'll do this again... right? That—"

"That we'll be back together?" Seonghwa cut in, heart beating fast at what Hongjoong was asking.

"Yes," Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, still nervous on what the answer would be.

And Seonghwa couldn't have answered more perfectly.

"Of course," Seonghwa dived back in for another kiss, this one not heated, but filled with something more deeper. He broke the kiss, burying his face in Hongjoongs neck. "Of course,"

"I love you," Seonghwa felt his heart stutter.

"I love you too," Hongjoong smiled, pulling Seonghwa towards him.

"Forever," Hongjoong whispered.

"Always," Seonghwa whispered back.

[cerealmonster15]

(anon from the other day sorry i was gone lol) buddy me too i am on anon for a reason but it's so nice to infodump i totally feel u!! i cant speak for all ur followers but in my adhd having opinion i loooove seeing people gush abt their hyperfixations/special interests/stuff they love!! :D [owain voice] it gives my heart wings!! (1)

[im just gonna screenshot the other parts and paste them as i answer them to keep it all together c:!]

BWAHH THANKSSS if u ever wanna come off anon im 1000% down for jammin about fe forever lsjkfjsd naga knows i can t a l k. OWAIN WOULD SUPPORT US ;A; i too like seein people get super HYPED it’s so sweet and fun when people are havin a good time ! i still worry that i overdo it kjdsfbkj but i am glad it’s not a bother for u :D [the rest are gonna be in a readmore]

DKLSJFD YEAH HONESTLY ,, when i started conquest at the decision chapter i fuckin LOST the first time and was like ,, well,,,,,,, hmmmmm...... this is going to be Difficult LOL cryin... IM SO SAD BC THE NEXT CHAPTER I HAVE IS CALLED POSSESSED AND LIKE,,, I PLAY FEH,, I HAVE POSSESSED TAKUMI,,, I PLAYED BIRTHRIGHT I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING AND I DONT LIKE IT !!!!!!!!! i misss himmmmmmme the entire time i played birthright: i miss leoooooooo i miss elise im so sadddddme the entire time ive been playing conquest: i miss takumiiiiiiii ryoma is disappointed in me and im so saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddd and also the spoilers ive heard for what’s about to happen make me 80 times as sad i dont wannaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

god the end of chapter sakura w/everyone being so upset and hans + iago ruining everything LIKE ALWAYS was just. so awful. the hoshidans are so heartbroken and depressed and im SO UPSET IM SO SORRY SAKURA + CO I LOVE YOU EVEN THO YOU HATE ME RN ;0;

JDKSLKFHDS HONESTLY WHEN I MARRIED SILAS I WAS LIKE,,, SHIT,,, I HAVE A TYPE AND IT’S GOOFY + LOYAL RIDE OR DIE BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS WHO ALSO HAVE SORTA BLUE HAIR I GUESS FKDSLJFKLSDJ and effie is so pretty i cry,, and her lines crack me up sfkjldsjkfjkds i love when shes guarding the prison and she says something like “this prison doesnt seem very secure. why dont the prisoners just bend the bars and leave?” and im like EFFIE.............................. MY LOVE...... WH................... DSLKJFL

omg ok with dating sim type games i typically make them like,,, meish, but with fun colored hair LOL so my first one in birthright has my name and similarish hair to me except it’s pink LOL , but then when i play as boys i tend to play more of a character ? tho this one is sorta just boy me with wild purple hair lksfjds, his name is Tino bc it’s partially a section of my not first name and also “cupertino” was a family name in my fam that i always thought sounded kinda cool *w* tino loves his strong wife and is bffs with keaton (THEY WERE KICKING ASS TOGETHER AS DRAGON AND WOLFSKIN SO IM LIKE,,,,, UR BESTIES NOW IT’S CANON) . and i like to imagine leo and corrin are really close bc theyre close in age so i made sure to make them really close :3 AND ALSO ODIN AND ELISE BC FAVES LOL..... 

rev is probs gonna be me again bc like. im marrying odin. im in love w/him i gotta do what i gotta do fdskjlfjsjlk [THO IM FOREVER SALTY ABOUT HOW THOSE SUPPORTS GO HHHHGHHGHFD CORRIN DONT BE A COWARD AND BE NICER TO ODIN DAMMIT]

What’re ur corrins like,,, eyes emoji,,

WHAHH NO UR GOOD !! listen any lore is good lore for me , I REALLY WANNA HEAR ABOUT BRADYS CLINIC, i remember u talkin about him and owain in that one and also brady in feh mentions it and it MADE ME SO SAD MY SWEET BOY I LOVE YOU BRADYYYYYYYYYY

i need to replay awakening so i can actually get kjelle this time ;w; I RAN OUT OF MEN IM SORRY SWEETIE SKLJFSD

me cryin at intsys why wont u let chrom hold  mrobins HAND they r in love,,,,, god if they made an awakening remake id cry and marry chrom 50 more times fjkslfdjdsls

PLEASE YOU GOTTA THEYRE SO FUNNY I CRY SKLLFJSKLFDS

IM GONNA POST SOME OF MY FAVE 4KOMAS HFSDKJFSJK LOOK

I THINK ABOUT THOSE TWO ALL THE  TI M E JFKDSFLJS 

also odin and niles are banned from the kitchen forever and i. i die:

cooking with niles uhh corrin voice: i would prefer not to fsdklfjslkdfjksdl

i saw a fancomic just like this one and i just think about both every time i put kaze or the other ninjas in the arena fkjlsdfjdsklj POOF , alas, 

im in love with these two oh my god. this + skimming through felicia’s and ryoma’s supports similar to these comics made me dead set on s supporting them together when i play revelations because oh my god this is the cutest thing ive ever seen in my  entire LIFE . ryoma!!!!!!!!! you blushy dork !!!!!!! 

RYOMA RIPPING OFF HIS SHIRT AND TAKUMI BEING LIKE BROTHER NO WHAT THE FUCK FSJDKLFJSKL IT’S SO FUNNY , and these two have a fun rivalry about corrin fjskdflskl ive skimmed their supports and it’s Amusing 

but like, best one is still 

THESE STUPID LOSER BROTHERS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH FJSDKLFHGHH i cant fuckin wait to play rev and to force everyone to be best friends . also the first 60000 times i read this one i didnt even notice the arrow so i thought leo just saw a far away enemy headed for them and just punched him about it fkjsdlfjds

god theyre just

so funny

[0nlywateristheriver]

My Second Wife

Link to story with original pictures: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1O9-fjebl_2IBrzJxBdK0zVDJ04gQLD7zc6BzmBJLzDw/edit?usp=sharing 

@doctor-of-fair-play

My Second Wife

@onlywateristheriver

After over a thousand years married to the woman, the Doctor had gotten the knack of pinpointing about where River was along her timeline, without the aid of their diaries. They had to have been married by now - she looked older than she had that day. As of yet, however, River didn’t seem to know her which, despite being a bit offensive, also offered the opportunity for a bit of fun…

“D’you know?“ the Doctor couldn’t help but have the corner of her mouth twitch into a smile just barely contained. River had pulled this on her once, though now she realized that River might have been talking about her. Timelines. “You remind me of m’second wife. Well, second proper wife… there were a few others just for the fun and the party. The resemblance, s’uncanny. Course, her hair’s a bit curlier, and she has this nasty habit of carrying ‘round weapons. Once shot m’hat! Very rude. Never carry ‘round weapons, makes you look weak,“ she paced around River, tapping a finger against her holster, “Naughty, naughty. And… this is the silly bit. She’s an archaeologist. Can you imagine it? Time travelin’ archaeologist. That’s cheatin’! Don’t you think that’s cheatin’?”

onlywateristheriver

River’s eyes narrowed as the woman in front of her went on about weapons and hats and archaeology. “I’ll have you know, archaeology is the best way to find some of the most precious things that would have otherwise been lost to time. I was lost when I went to university and becoming an archaeologist helped me to find the best thing in my life. Led me to it again and again. And saved my life and the life of those I love more than once, so don’t you go on about weakness and silliness and cheating.” River tutted.

doctor-of-fair-play

The best thing in my life. Did she mean…? The Doctor stood a little straighter, a curl of guilt moving inside her. She’d never really stopped to think, stopped to consider… Anthropology she could understand, she was a bit of an anthropologist herself, but archaeology? Climbing about in the dust, going through old scraps of papers and wisps of lives long since ended when all of it was there, within reach, when one was to just step past the barrier of time. Alive and real.

“M’sorry. I was just havin’ a bit of fun.” The Doctor pulled up a chair, leaning in a bit closer to her wife, “S’really important to you, isn’t it? S’not just a way of… Why though? When you can step out in the world, amongst the living, why limit yourself to fragments? S’a vortex manipulator, isn’t it?” the question didn’t sound very convincing, she barely even glanced down at it. “You could go back, see it all for yourself. Nothin’s really lost.”

onlywateristheriver

“I didn’t have this from the beginning. I was left on my own with nothing. I had to find my own way with nothing but my own will and determination. All I knew was that there was someone I needed to find. Someone who could be anywhere, anywhen. I was as weak as a kitten and as knowledgable as a newborn. But I grew up fast and I used what I had around me. Archaeology was the best way to find what I needed. It’s served me well.”

River leaned back in her chair and looked the woman up and down. “Why am I telling you any of this anyway?”

doctor-of-fair-play

“Just have one of those faces, people can’t help but talk when I’m around. Sometimes. Honestly, I’ve not the knack for it I used to.” It was probably the height. Or the breasts. The Doctor leaned forward, elbows on the table, and twirled her straw around the emptying glass.“And, I mean, m'also your husband and I’ve been dropping hints all night. So there’s that. Really, River, you’re usually quicker on the uptake. How many people d'you think have a time travelin’ archaeologist for a wife?”

onlywateristheriver

River stared for a good minute or two at the woman in front of her. It was the eyes that finally convinced her. “I never thought I’d see you again.” Slowly she smiled. “And I certainly never came across this in my research. How long has it been for you?”

doctor-of-fair-play

The Doctor waited for some reaction from River, trying to read the expressions that passed over her face. Eventually, River smiled and a smile brightened the Doctor’s face too. “Y’know me, m’like a bad penny.” Her smile wavered, the unwelcome memory of their last goodbye pressing into her mind. “Been a while on my end, haven’t seen you since a bit before I last regenerated - don’t think you’re there quite yet. M’two thousand and something if that’s any help?”

onlywateristheriver

“Two thousand? It has been a while then. For me as well. I haven’t seen you in probably a hundred years, maybe a hundred and fifty?” She tried to hide the sadness that always surfaced when she realized how long the Doctor had left her alone. She knew they couldn’t spend all of their time together, that was dangerous. But she still missed him, ‘her’ she corrected, terribly when they were apart.

“I’m glad you found a way to go on. I know you were worried that you were at the end.”

doctor-of-fair-play

“S’not what I was worried about. But you know me, never liked endings.“ She let out a slow breath, hands stuffed in her pockets, and looked inside the cafe. The light of the grimy fixtures shone a warm gold, and the clink of dishes and silverware, the murmur of voices could be distantly heard. It would be better to laugh, better to pretend they weren’t both moving towards a goodbye, than to stand out here in the rain speaking of things that couldn’t be changed. “Come have dinner with us. I think you’ll like them, m’friends. And there’s a lot of catchin’ up we have to do, you and me. All the bits we missed.“

onlywateristheriver

River took a deep breath and put on a smile she didn’t really feel. “Okay. Lead the way.”

doctor-of-fair-play

Slipping a hand into hers, the Doctor led her back into the cafe. The chill of the rainy evening faded as the door closed behind them, though the Doctor’s hair was dripping and her shirt was tight to her skin, sticking and cold. She gladly slipped back into the booth, as it was near to the faux fireplace in the corner which gave off a very real glow of warmth from glowing plastic logs. Humans, they couldn’t just stick a space heater in the corner. Very few races were so focused on the ‘atmosphere’ of a place.

“We got you both another round of hot chocolates,“ Graham said, holding one out to each of them. The Doctor took hers gratefully, wrapping icy fingers around the warmth of the mug. “I’m amazed you’re not half froze, standing out there.“

“So is one of you going to explain?“ Ryan asked. “I didn’t take you for the married sort, Doctor.”

Yaz gave him a nudge under the table with her foot - the Doctor knew this because she missed Ryan and caught the Doctor’s shin instead. “What he means is, we thought you’d have been around, River? We were just saying, we’re a bit surprised we haven’t met you before, that’s all.”

onlywateristheriver

So, they were going to hold hands then. They’d never actually done the couple-thing before. Not with anyone they actually knew personally outside of her parents and not even then, as her dad had always been a bit overprotective for the brief moments they’d had as dad and daughter. River found that she liked it very much. She didn’t release her wife’s hand even when the older man held out the hot chocolate for her. “Thank you.”

She turned to the girl. “Well, the Doctor and I have had such an interesting history, always meeting out of order. Has she told you about any of it?”

doctor-of-fair-play

No. The answer was ‘no’. She’d not said a word. So many names she never let past her lips, because it hurt too much, because she didn’t want to scare her new friends by letting on how many had been lost while she’d carried on. The Doctor, such a survivor. Always living while those she loved… Perhaps the tension showed - a tightness in her neck, an expression on her face - because Yaz seemed to understand and saved her. “I think we scared the Doctor off talking about personal things when she let on she was two thousand and we threatened her with two thousand birthday parties.”

A small look of confusion touched against Ryan’s face, for she’d once mentioned her age in passing but there had been no talk of parties, but he caught on after a moment, “Right yeah.“

“Love a good party, me,“ the Doctor said, feeling able to take a breath, “but so many candles. Don’t really want to be blamed for another fire - Rome was bad enough.” She took a sip of her hot chocolate. “Why don’t you tell them ‘bout the Byzantium, dear? That was a good one. This one decided the best was t’drop by the TARDIS would be to fling herself out another ship’s hatch.”

0nlywateristheriver

“Two thousand birthday parties? I don’t even think she’s ever had even one.” River nudged the Doctor with her shoulder. “Dad and I tried to throw him a surprise birthday party once. Mum was supposed to keep him occupied for a couple of hours. They didn’t come back for two days! He never could quite explain why, but I think Mum had let it slip somehow what we’d been planning.” River’s eyes got misty for a moment.

She gathered herself back together. “The Byzantium. Right. You were so young then.” She smiled at the Doctor then winked at Yaz. “He looked about twelve years old, and so easy to get all flustered. Particularly when I landed right on top of him when he pulled me into the TARDIS.”

[moanbyul-yi]

k so @byulyi dared me to do all the flowers from this and my dumbass thought it was a great idea to accept the dare but my dumbass also fucked up and basically deleted the ask so here it is in a post lmao buckle up bitch!! (u really dont have to read it if u dont want its sm longer than i thought it would be) 

amaryllis - name an attribute of yourself that you are proud of. proud of my ability to find the shittiest and worst tv shows/movies and watch them religiously lmao

anemone - describe a time when you felt abandoned or betrayed by someone you loved. back in yr 8??9?? i had a super close friend (that i was also in love with but i didnt realise bc of compulsive heterosexuality) that randomly cut off ties with me and yike it sucked 

azalea - would you describe yourself as a patient person? in terms of simple things like waiting on a package no lmao but if its waiting for a person or smthn like ykno that deep shit then yeah 

begonia - describe anything you see as a “red flag” (something that makes you cautious about a new friend or love interest) straight up if theyre an asshole,, if they say something homophobic/racist/sexist etc just if theyre not accepting and nice to all people 

bird of paradise - do you like hosting parties, or do you prefer to just attend? i love hosting!!!!!!! i love making sure everyones havin a lit time and organising all the stuff 

bluebell - what keeps you humble? tbh idk how to answer this question just bc ig im not really in a position where i have stuff to flex so like i dont have a lot to be humble about ?? in terms of like achievements n shit 

chysanthemum - describe your idea of a perfect day.  this is kinda gay but honestly just a day i get to spend chilling with my girl whether we go out or just stay home and binge movies all day whatever it is,, just to have a chill day with her with no ‘you have to be doing this!!!!!!’ feeling 

spring crocus - describe your favourite childhood memory. the first one that comes to mind is me and my cousin when we were like 5yo running around the house with a cape on pretending we were superheroes

daffodil - how do you confess your feelings to someone you’re interested in? ive only done it twice, the first time was a complete Mess and the second time they initiated it so idk lol i wing it ig 

daisy - describe something that gives you hope when things seem bleak. honestly idk bc im the kinda person that just wallows in their sadboi but i guess something that helps is just talking to people esp my gf about whatever it is thats sucky

foxglove - when was the last time you told a lie? i told my parents i was going to the city for lunch with a friend today but i went to a dance class for love shot by exo lmao 

gardenia - have you ever had to keep a romance a secret? if so, why and for how long?  yeah bc we were both not out - had to keep it a secret from p much everyone other than a few friends the entire time we were tgt 

purple hyacinth - describe a time when you had to apologize to someone last year,, i had a fight(??) with my friend and yeah 

hydrangea - how much time do you spend on your appearance each day? not a lot i always look like a Mess 

white jasmine - what is something that never fails to make you laugh? !!!!!!!mamamoo !!!!!! 

lavender -  describe your oldest friendship, and why you think it has lasted so long. i have a primary sch friend and we’ve been friends sort of since kindy but properly for like 8 years???? its the kinda friendship where we dont have to talk often but we can hit each other up whenever and it isnt weird its just chill and gucci ( @akicchisano luv u binch no homo)

lilac - describe your first relationship or first love. yeet ok my first pROper rs?? lasted like a year and a half and it was a friend in high school,, uhh it was good while it lasted but im glad its over and i wouldnt go back lmao but it was definitely a learning experience 

calla lily - what traits do you find beautiful in others? in yourself? i guess imma be really typical and say kindness like the kindness in which u dont expect anything in return?? like the way people aim to make people happy and laugh and shit ykno (i just woke up soz this is terrible)

tiger lily - if you had to choose between doing what you love and making very little money, or doing a job you hate and making a lot of money, what would you choose and why? im assuming the very little money is still enough to get by?? but i would choose that just bc if i hated my job idk how long i would last in it but i dont think it would be very long at all. if i had people to provide for or something tho then definitely the second bc gotta get that dough for them 

lotus flower - would you say that you are a spiritual person? if so, what elements of spirituality are important to you? nah im not really  

magnolia - describe your favourite thing to do outdoors. probably just walking around ykno with nothing to do or maybe hiking?? sightseeing?? shit like that 

morning glory - are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection? very lmao if i like you romantically or platonically ill be v touchy and cuddly if u reciprocate it,, i also will give random gifts like stuff ive made or stuff that reminds me of that person just random small things 

pansy - what is the most thoughtful thing that anyone has done for you? idk if this is the mOSt thoughtful bc i have bad memory but that one time the mvp @akicchisano bought me a smol christmas tree bc i kept talking about how i wanted one but couldnt find one that shit got me busting the phattest uwus

peony - describe the top three things necessary for a happy life.  a sugar daddy,, good food,, girls

petunia - what never fails to make you angry? when people borrow shit and dont put it back how they found it >:(

red poppy - what tips or tricks do you use to cheer yourself up when you’re down? i go for a drive (i cant drive so i make my brother lmao) or i watch smthn funny just get my mind off it somehow

red rose - describe your ideal date or romantic evening.  shit idk about ideal but itd be really nice to maybe get dinner and go star gazing like somewhere far where theres less light pollution and hella stars and then after that just coming home to binge movies and cuddle

yellow rose - do you get jealous easily? sO easily its terrible but most of the time i dont do anything about it

snowdrop - have you ever had a falling out with a friend or family member? not in such a way thats resulted in us not ever talking again 

sunflower - do you consider yourself a loyal person?  ye,, ya girl aint no hoe

sweet pea - describe a difficult goodbye you had to make to a friend or other loved one. probably saying bye to all my family bc they came to visit and having to send them off opened up some real emo hours :((((

violet - how important is loyalty in friendships and/or relationships? v important bc u gotta have someone to rely on but it should be loyalty and not blindly following 

wisteria - do you like poetry? if so, describe your favorite poem(s). yeah i kinda just like random poetry theres a lot from an insta acc called poeticpoison that i really like

zinnia - do you have any loved ones in your life that you miss and wish you could see?  yeahh my gorlfriend and all my family since they all live in different countries

[bipolyjack]

Please tell me more about why you like sheith, I'm very curious to hear the rest of it.

(alright luckily i had the beginning of this saved elsewhere when tumblr just randomly sent it early so imma just begin by pasting. also spoilers for voltron s4 obv) 

the original ask was something like “curious why u like sheith? ive thought abt it and i think i prefer klance”

rubs hands 2gether Thank U for Asking

first of all, thats chill! if klance is ur thing, fuckin go for itmy dude, have a great time with that shit. the fandom’s huge andtheres tons of content. im all for ppl shippin what they want and imnot here to tell someone to ship or not ship something. if u do trulywant to know why im a sheith tho, buckle the fuck up cause im awashin sheith feelings at every moment and i got Things 2 say

alright so the main thing with sheith is that it feels realhealthy and good. (well it did. things are weird this season bc shiromay or may not be a clone but up until his disappearance at least.)they’re rly good abt checking in with each other to see how theother one’s doing and feeling, and they lean on each other a lotfor support. they also treat each other as equals and respect each other’s choices (again, with minor exceptions in the current season). they got that good good hidden backstory together. they got that good good star crossed lovers thing goin on where the universe keeps ripping them apart, fucking them over and tossing them back together more fucked up than before and my dude i Eat That Shit UP. also that good good height difference.the show gives them lots of moments where they’re either alone in a room together havin a private moment or havin an equally private moment in front of the whole fuckin team where fuckin everybody can see them (like the first Hug tm). they’re openly physically intimate with each other (which keith is not with anyone else) and they’re not like. ashamed of that. there’s so much canon content i cry daily. 

here lemme break it down

we know they knew each other in the garrison, and not just like in passing, like acquaintances, but enough that keith was the only person there to see shiro off when the kerberos mission launched. in s1ep1 lance says of shiro “omg that guys my hero” and of keith “you’re my rival” but neither shiro nor keith know who lance even fuckin is. bc presumably they didnt hang out. everyone in the garrison knows who keith and shiro are but they - keith especially it seems like - dont keep track of the other students. also theres this whole fanon thing where shiro and matt were best friends in the garrison and hung out all the time before kerberos, but in s4 when matt greets shiro hes incredibly stiff and awkward and calls him sir and shiro just goes “pidge never gave up on u buddy” which i guess could be a clone thing but could also be him bein like “i totally did give up on u tho, whatever” (and i can totally buy that considering how pidge’s whole personal arc this whole time has been looking for matt and their dad, and while shiro has been supportive of that, he’s also been like hey dude that’s not our top priority as a team). so from that i infer that matt and shiro werent best buds in the garrison, and that he must have spent a lot more of his time with keith bc in s2ep1 keith makes it clear that shiro made a significant impact on his life and that he still thinks about things shiro said to him before kerberos. which we havent seen. bc theyre hiding the pre-kerberos backstory from us and i cry. also their flashbacks in s1ep2 (i think, i dont exactly remember which ep but i think its that one) when they all put on the headsets and we see their fondest memories, shiro’s is the day they were separated and keith’s is the day they found each other again like jesus.

then there’s keith’s first scene in the show. the first thing we see him doing is kicking the shit out of like three garrison guys to rescue shiro. we get that close up of him touching shiro’s unconscious fuckin face and his first line in the whole show is him saying shiro’s name. like shit dude how am i supposed 2 not ship that. the first time keith and lance interact, its lance butting in on that moment and keith being like “who the fuck are u” and its. uncomfortable. we also know that keith has been livin alone in the desert and obsessing over these lion carvings bc he got kicked out of the garrison for basically insubordination sometime after shiro went missing. we get that scene in the shack where keith talks abt feeling lost until shiro showed up and everyone else in the room looking all confused and uncomfortable as these two dudes who clearly already know each other well and have been separated for like a year just stare into each other’s eyes or what the fuck ever. also the scene outside the shack where keith comes and finds shiro and puts a hand on his shoulder and asks him how hes doing - theyre alone for that part. also worth mentioning is that keith has no hesitation touching shiro’s galra tech arm, whereas lance hesitates before shaking his hand. we see a bunch of times that keith is touch averse with almost everyone except shiro, in a way that indicates a degree of prior familiarity and a good understanding of boundaries that keith hasnt had the time or inclination to set up with lance, hunk, pidge, allura, coran etc. also the one time he holds lance when sendack attacks the castle and lance is unconscious, lance sort of blows it off later and basically goes “no homo” when keith brings it up so that was a bummer

i also love some of the Pauses they put into shiro and keith’s dialogue, some of them are just. so choice. like when keith proposes a crazy plan that puts him in danger and shiro just takes a sec, closes his eyes, then goes “alright i’ll back u up, do what u gotta do” like!!!! boi!!!!!! thats good shit. also in s2ep9 during the blade of marmora trial when keith is basically having this nightmare about shiro rejecting him because of his connection to the galra, (which real actual shiro can see because this whole ep was a fuckin fanfiction) and he does that same thing where hes like “shiro... *pause, close eyes for Just a sec* you’re like a brother to me” which! by the way!! i have said the same thing!! to a friend i had a crush on!!! who was straight!!!! and i was a little baby who didnt know i was into girls yet and we used to say we were like sisters bc i? didnt know i?? was gay???? we shared her bed whenever i stayed over and she really did see me as a sister and i would just lie next to her and daydream about touching her boobs,, anyway keith is so relatable there i could yell forever but continuing on,

can we, real quick, talk abt the first time keith flies the black lion? bc in s2ep1 hes not the black paladin yet. real shiro is still around. and keith legit goes up to black, puts a hand on her big ole nose and goes “ur boi is in trouble, we gotta help him” and she goes “yeah dude hop in” like?????????????? thats some fanfic shit again! black Knows! also dont even talk to me abt how many times keith and shiro yell each others names in that ep its unreal. also the trope (that i eat the fuck up every time) of one member of the otp lying trapped and injured somewhere and talking to the other member of the otp thru a helmet comm or whatever and they cant see each other but they can hear each others voices, so they have to keep talking to like reassure each other they’re both still alive and okay?!!! im such a sucker for that shit!!!! ummmmm the fact that shiro keeps reassuring keith that hes fine when theres a gaping glowing wound in his side and hes like visibly in pain, clenching his teeth, eyes closed, groaning, sweat beading on his forehead, the whole fuckin thing?? and josh knocked it outta the park with shiro’s voice in that ep making him sound like he was trying not to sound hurt and exhausted so that keith wouldn’t worry too much like Fuck me up!! smiling thru the pain when keith talks abt how much shiro changed his life and made him a better person??? boi!!!!!

then there are the times when shiro talks abt something happening to him and keith taking over as voltron’s leader, and keith gets all panicked about it like he cant stand the thought of losing shiro again (this happens a bunch of times but the ones that are coming to mind are s2ep1 and s2ep9 bc. again. those are the fanfic episodes). and then he Does lose him again and he’s so clearly grieving, lashing out at the rest of the team, super obviously feeling shiro’s loss more than the others (and lance is a real dick about it a bunch of times which really rubbed me wrong), going out to look for him over and over bc he wants to believe so bad that shiro’s out there somewhere. omg the “please no” when the black lion accepts him that shit Fucked me right up!! he wants to honor shiro’s wishes!! but some part of him knows that’s like admitting that shiro’s gone and isn’t coming back. and then!!!!!! when they find kuron and its just the red lion and the galra ship floating alone in space just like. gently drifting toward each other. keith’s little tired smile there. fuck me up. and then we find out in the next scene that keith has been the only one in shiro (kuron)’s room while he’s recovering and shiro (kuron) hasnt bothered to shave or cut his hair or get dressed yet and he lets keith see him like that and not the rest of the team. fuck. keith looks Exhausted in that scene. hes got bags under his eyes, hes kinda hunched in on himself, arms crossed, like something in him Knows this isnt his boi but he wants to believe it’s him so bad and its. god. its a lot. and Then when hes turning to leave and kuron is like “how many times will u have to save me before this is over” and keith’s face just relaxes into this legitimately genuine smile when he says “as many times as it takes” like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck me

this is where it starts gettin awkward with them bc kuron isnt shiro and he doesnt treat keith the way shiro would but he Tries, like after keith fucks up that one mission and kuron comes and finds him (again, in private) to touch his shoulder and be like “im proud of u boi” when keith clearly Did Not Do A Good Job and keith just looks bummed like “thats. thats not tru” and it Hurts me bc we know real shiro doesnt do fake praise. also kuron orders keith to put himself in danger more than once and doesnt give a shit that keith and the others get hurt because of it which also real shiro would never do - we’ve seen him react when his teammates take hits before, but especially keith, like during the bom trial. then theres s4ep1 where keith sort of drifts away from team voltron in order to do more stuff with the blade of marmora and everyone’s pissed at him but then as hes walking out kuron’s like “you know we’re here for you if you need us” and keith gets that soft smile again like “i know and i cant tell you how much that means to me” and then they do that good good hand clasp that turns into a hug which by the way is a stark contrast to when other people hug keith and they just kinda grab him and he goes all stiff and it takes him a sec or three to put his arms around them if he even does that at all - with shiro they do the hand clasp first and then walk into the hug together and keith buries his face in shiro’s fuckin shoulder and smiles and closes his eyes and i wanna die. and theyve done this twice now which makes me think they probs did it before kerberos too and that also hurts me. 

then theres s4ep6 where keith has gone the whole season feeling like he was a bad leader. it seems like voltron doesnt rly need him and his friends dont need him and shiro doesnt need him and hes been hanging with the bom who have their whole philosophy of not going back to rescue their own guys if it means putting the mission or the rest of the team in danger (which keith already was saying when allura was captured - how very galra of him) and now keith’s having to readjust to that mindset after being part of such a close knit team. so when he sees a way to take that shield down, he just fuckin goes for it. hes started to see himself as expendable. when shiro thinks hes about to die, we get all kinds of flashbacks, the first of which is him and keith alone outside the shack. there are no flashbacks with keith. he just closes his eyes. and shiro (kuron) congratulates him. like obv its before he knows what keith was about to do, but still, thats some fucked up shit. 

now this wasnt rly part of ur question, ie u didnt ask me how i felt abt klance, but i feel like i gotta say: lance just grates on me. im sorry i know lots of people who love him but he just. isnt my cup of tea. and i do think the relationship shown in the show between keith and shiro is a lot more mature and healthy than the one shown between lance and keith. lance has some good moments! but canon lance and fanon lance seem like two entirely different people to me a lot of the time and thats all cool and fine if ur lookin for that, again im not here to stop ppl from having fun, but there are so many good sheith moments in the show and im just glad to see the relationship between two dudes depicted that way regardless of whether it becomes canon or not. also lance in the show is only shown being attracted to girls, and in kinda a skeevy way - like ive met guys who treat me like that and been Very off-put by that kind of behavior. and it would put me off if after all that they got him together with keith. like hes just superficially interested in all these hot girls but keith, who he has very few heartfelt intimate moments with onscreen, is his True Love? like thats,, not good bi rep. i Do rly like the bond hes been building with allura since they switched lions, that seems like its going in a direction that could turn out to be very wholesome and sweet. but again, if klance is ur thing, by all means have a ball.

k that was a lot but tl:dr i like 2 cry and sheith provides me with lots of opportunities to do that,, if u read it all then thank u deeply and truly for ur attention, u probs Understand me as a person a bit better than before lol

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: the witch’s hut / 1.27.21

I FINALLY REMEMBERED TO POST MY D&D NOTES IM SO SORRY in my defense, for this session i was liveblogging it on discord for nyx’s benefit bc he couldn’t make it so the formatting is super janky and i kept procrastinating on porting it to my notes pile proper

LAST TIME ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS: we finished our journey from camp vengeance to see what’s up with the poisoned river! we are also definitely going to get owned by a minecraft witch

. COW DETECTED okay time to get killed by a minecraft witch

. thorne's priorities: can kill cow

. fen hill 2: electric witchaloo AS A REMINDER, ALL OF MY NOTES ARE LIKE THIS

. cow is just straight vibing. pretty well-fed cow! which is interesting seeing as the trees are barren even in summer. thorne thinks the cow is sus

. the entire party is rich and we somehow forgot about that. i had to look at my character sheet bc charlie wanted to bet 50g on thorne shooting the cow

. sieron armor pog? (sieron now has retroactive studded leather armor)

. THORNE WITH A GUN

. taure gets 200gp for passing go-- OH TIME TO DIE

. little known fact: witches have vision based on movement

. jorb is dead :crabrave: (Jorb's chrome crashed)

. man i have like a +6 to stealth why am i rolling so shit. lets hope the witch doesnt have eyes

. We Are Looking Natural (our stealth rolls are really not good.)

. HOORAY WE'RE GETTING GOOD ROLLS except thorne. sorry thorne. witch has Spotted Us

. oh no taure thinks the witch is cursing our di-- WHAT'S A SPELL

. solar: i appear to have forgotten every spell except for eldritch blast.

. does the witch have motives? not good or evil, just motives in general

. anyway the witch seems chill and I Do Not Trust Like That but like. why not.

. charlie's gonna go talk to the witch! because no one expects a halfling to be a murderer.

. silje is also coming with! the witch has detached her roof, its like a convertible

. the cow is chill. cow's havin a good time.

. charlie cant bleed out but she CAN be executed. nice.

. the witch was an imposter. the witch has been ejected (she has not)

. silje doing the angy fluff tail thing bc  Sus

. I FORGOT CHARLIE DOESNT WEAR SHOES charlie takes off her shoes and doesnt know where she got them from

. charlie: yea we're hikers, just explorin arvus yknow, s'fun-- taure: The water has been poisoned. >:|

. distant charlie shouting: ARE YOU SUGGESTING THE WITCH HAS BEEN SHITTIN IN THE RIVER NON-STOP?!

. [pulls out sending stone] sieron. cow sus. [puts sending stone away]

. charlie is trying very hard to be sneaky about stuff and taure is just Giving No Shits

. well, the witch is trying to poison us.

. ROLLING INITIATIVE time to kick this witch

. CAT ON TABLE .......wait we left kali. kali did a stealth roll so good we all forgot about her

. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD CAT

. holy shit the witch slapped aside silje's sword. this grandma is hardcore

. sieron just fucking Teleported to the door (we rarely ever use dash actions so i forgot that's even a thing)

. OH SHIT BLADESONG sieron is now hardcore (like 20 AC?)

. sieron: [nyooms past] charlie: hi sieron.

. THORNE IS GONNA SNIPE THE COW "charlie owes me 50 gold" -thorne, casting eldritch blast

. THORNE HAS SNIPED THE COW

. "so if this ISNT something evil in disguise, ive just exploded a cow"

. It Was Not A Cow (it was a catoblepus)

. thorne does a sick backflip

. UH OH TREE IS ALIVE AND IS PISSED

. sieron's AC may be incredible but it's no match for a nat20. rip sieron

. taure has decided she is done with this shit and did some gardening (sieron got grappled by roots and taure hit them fot max dmg)

. jesus fuck elendar is so op. taure has decided to Kill

. Taure's Turns Never End

. all enemies are masters of geometry. we are now in a titled square of hell

. the hag is gonna pilot the evil tree like a mecha

. DEATH BROOM!!

. silje gets slapped by a broom. f

. THE COW HAS A DEATH RAY

. TAURE IS AT ZERO

. WAIT OK EVERYTHING IS OK actually only charlie is in range and i passed the con save fuuuuuck yea jorb: update: taure was out of range so that got retconned so charlie just shrugged off a death ray by force of will

. charlie has closed the door so no more death rays.

.  silje is now chasing down the witch! jorb: luckily silje resisted the cursed sword's desires to really attack this broom

. the witch is dead! thank u based silje. unfortunately you ARE inside the evil murder tree

. i thought michael was eating his dice.

. sieron has found a Bonus Boy jorb: current fights: thorne vs the not-cow, taure and charlie vs a broom, and silje and sieron vs bonus boy leo: yea thorne is having a 1v1 with the death ray cow jorb: oh theres also still the evil tree, which silje, sieron, and bonus boy are inside of rn

. charlie owes thorne 50 gp.

. well, taure is getting eviscerated by an angry tree

. TAURE IS NOW DOWN TO 1 HP YAAAYYYYYY jorb: taure has a lot of broken bones now "my bones are chips and the bag is my flesh" -taure leo: [happyflapping]

. taure is doin real bad y'all

. as usual, i jump straight to arson

. taure rolled for braincells (it was a d2)

. shit is now on fire yo

. the murder cow is now also stuck in the web of excellent geometry, charlie has set the web of excellent geometry on fire, and silje has murderized the bonus boy

. sieron is attacking the tree from the inside, which is pretty cool!

. thorne moves 30 feet back and shoots the murdercow with eldritch blast twice, as they've done on Every Turn

. thorne was engineered specifically to torment this murdercow (and, by extension, michael)

. taure has stolen thorne's murdercow kill

. "so the broom is not restrained, but it IS on fire"

. charlie gets smacked repeatedly by a shitty broom

. charlie surged and is now invisible! and also inaudible. and also on fire. michael: Charlie accidently discovers her Ninja Way

. thorne is now moving FORWARD 30 ft penn: character development

. taure is now unconscious

. I HAVE FINALLY KILLED A BROOM

. "i place myself facedown and end my turn."

. silje is just WRECKING the tree

. THE TREE CAN DASH

. taure is Very close to dying but its fine its fine its fine

. "thorne's catboy sense is tingling" -penn

. YOOO i blew up the tree w a fireball and silje, who was inside it, did a cool fuckin backflip and escaped unharmed

. we are now trying to pin taure down to forcefeed her a healing elixir

. taure is fucking Booking It so we're all chasing taure down THIS IS THE BIT THAT NEVER ENDS

. "this invisible man cannot do anything."

. taure's the final boss.

. michael: Taure refuses to let anyone heal her so the party just spent 30 minutes chasing her down

[49scribes-a]

{--Everybody in this stream was fucking HIGH.--}

He's either also cold or he's going through withdrawals, one of the two.

No he's having a seizure

STOP BOUNCING DEAK

All those burnt corpses look like bacon to me

Crispy dragon-charred bacon

Human jerky

I’d love some jerky rn

Id push you

BACKFLIP BACK FLIP

you're a COWARD. GO TO THE TOP

NO

EMBRACE THE JUMP

EAGLE JUMP

jfc

theres a hay pile at the bottom waiting to catch you. youll be fine

because physics works for you in this game

t his isn't assasin's c r e ed

yes it is. right?

Wrong game

that's what we're watching?

theres is clearly hay

i see parkor

hay and parkour= ass creed

exact

HRDCORE PARKOR

lavi looks like a hobbit ngl. i mean deak

hes gonna steal the ring from gollum

can u see the eye of mordor

hes carrying it

it is

jump. you'll live

Holy shit I survived

TOLD U

the eye of mordor is mobile now

it was great

7/10

TOLD U UR IL CHILD BEARING BONES WOULD CATCH YOU - THEYRE SPRINGY AND RESILIENT

U did it

congrdeurtions

am i having a stroke

Ashdjsjdk

idk - were all varying seconds behind of each other. so mavbe

Who keeps a deer pelt with bread smh

makes sense

That’s why they all sick in Skyrim

the deer pelt is surprisingly sterile

can't have the babes

its the most sterile thing in thie fucking game

you're right

i cant believe deak is aa hobbit

idk if its gonna keep your bread all spongy tho

just wrap it tight. it'll be fine

I mean it was stale so probably not

and your breads gonna tste kinda funny

tHTAT'S PRETTY

SKYRIM IS PRETTY

Noice

AESHTETIC

I CAN TYPE I SWEAR

straight up

r U havin' a stroke?

mE VISION KEEPS BLURRING

I wanna go somepe similar to skyrim, take up residency in n bandoned castle. spruce it up

go to europe

and then pretend im a ghost haunting it when visitor come

they have random "castles"

tHAT SKY THO

SCREEN SHOTS. NICE. GOOD CHOICE

I dont want [castles] I want C A S T L E S

we all have dreams

sweet dreams are made of thiiissss

My dream is to be able to spell astetic

who am i to disagree

you men bees

Asthmatic

mean*

travel the world and the seven seas

Jesus Christ

aesthetic?

Yes that one!

antsthetic

I wanna lick the sugar candy in the sky

Aesthetic !!

antstetic?antstatic?ant static

aunt stacy

A e s t h e t I c

that sounds like something Ant-Man would say

sunnylantern gets it = w=

DUN DUN DUN DUN DUND UN DUN DUN ANT MAAAAANNN H A

Why is that corpse thiccer then I am

duran duran hungry like the wolf

wait, I missed the corpse

we have to go back for the corpse

go back for the corpse, tho

leave NO man behind

you mean jeky

jerky*

no it's jeky

nO

okay, I thought I saw a shadow back there and it looked like a werewolf

we do not waste jerky

Bacon

Mmmmm Bacon....

bc u cannibals wanna eat them

it might have been

don't waste good meat

jfc

Meat is meat

meat is meat. yes

they dead they don't care

exactly

bacon is delicious as hell

MEAT MEAT MEAT

HEATHENS

sos jerky

ALL OF U

U'R A HEATHEN 2 DON'T PLAY COY

scuse you - were pagan

i'm an angel

sounds fake

idk what ur talking about

wOW

it does sound fake

Im pure so I mean

We're all heathens

sounds fake

we're all heathens yes

all my friends are heathens

take it slow

take it slow

(twenty one pilots voice) all my friends are heathens-GDI

TOO SLOW.

TAKE IT SLOW

LMAO

wait for them to ask u who u kno

please don't make

i forgot the damn lyrics

any sudden moves

any sudden moves

AAYY

pfffbbbbt

u don't know the half of the abuse

Y’all remember all that smh

XD

hell yeah man

it catchy

Can’t even remember my middle name

s AM E

same

adopt a child. it's time

tbh - replace remembering our names with more important infrmation, like musical lyrics...people use those alot

my middle name is simple as heck. it's only 3 letters

adopting children usually doesn't go well; just look at doug

dic

Hige. No.

ann

but

No

Mine is four and yet :->

dick:smiley:

mine is 5 letters

NO. Dicks.

mINE IS FOUR

yep, that's my middle name. u caught me

mines four too

Ahsjdjdjd

Maybe we all have the same middle name

i'm Liz Dick now

LMAO

Liz dick taylor

'cause we all have the same middle name

has a nice flow

it does doesn't it?

not me

i'm proud of my name

mine is 3 letters

naw. it's Dick now

its four now

Nope, it three

FINE. Dic

ass

U CAN BE THE HALF SSED DIC

there u go

Hjssjjs

oh yeaaaa

sounds like that's yours, isa

OOOHHH

wow

DANG

: )

SNAP

isa ass

isass

has a ring

ees ass

isa sass

Eat a ss

thees assthesis

isa's ass

prometheous

you're all terrible

w he e z e s

WHERE DO U GET THAT. FROM ISA ASS.

rhymes with thesis

prometheass

that name makes me uncomfortable

I want that as my new name

hahahahahah

Prod the a sa

i blame the movie and all the movies that's connected to that one. I get nightmares

don't worry i'll protect you

really tho, me middle name means darling in french so

aren't u special

i'm an angel

meanie

all of u can fight me

u'r an angle, isa

ur no angel, isa

My middle name is from my great grandmother

I was named aftar a slutty country singer. and a car

PHHHHTTTT

i was named after *no one*

a car and a country singer. fuck me

my middle name is Spanish

lucky

QUESO

i'm hispanic and my middle name ain't hispanic :confused:

UR MIDDLE NAME IS QUESO

THREE LETTERS, HIGE

KSO

3 LETTERS, HIGE

osHIT

I'm hispanic and all my names be hispanic

THAT HAPPENED

the kink cavern

the falling cavern

u and deak gonna kink it up in here

WHy

wait ....still children in this. nvm

because it's expected

Looks like stds grow there ngl

deak is a child. cover his eyes

WH A T. WHERE DID THAT GO TO. WHY IT COLLAPSE JUST NOW

See that’s the stds falling from the roof

you guys are behind me, my gosh. that happened like 10 seconds ago

too much sex in this ramshackle place

No one cleans that place

no one needs to. don't get paid enough for that shit

its the jizz....it gets between the cracks and degrades the foundation

between teh /cracks/

KEK

Can’t people f uck in the bed like normal humans

naw son. too vanilla, they get bored

i

omg

wow

Back in my day we used beds and called it woohoo

this is not SIMS

back in my day, we got in bed and wrestled

i'M CR YGIN

AGSHDJSJ that’s where all my sex ed comes from shdjsjd

Back in my day we fucked on the floor like REAL MEN

WHOA NOW. CALM URSELF

COVER THINE EYES, CHILDREN

Crying my lord

I'M TOO ACE FOR THIS

YOU BETTER BE PRAYIN TO UR LORD AND NOT CRYIN

back in my day, we walked 4 miles with ONE FUCKIN' SHOE

relatable

and we shared between 5 of us

Through the snow

ok but same

bc I ate the other shoe

gdi hige

hige thought it was jerky

I did

it was jerky

Must of burnt it

Anything chewy nd tough is jerky

ye bro. learn from hige

...skin?

def

ye

n o

y e

skin is the jerkiest of all

And I’m the one that needs to pray

and the people are jerky, too 'cause they're jerks sometimes

Take the pot

smoke the pot

^^^^to both

I mean-cogh

dO NOT SMOKE THE POT. JFC HIGE

taste the pot

smell the pot

be the pot

BE the pot, yep

be the pot

It’s pn legal now

why are you HERE

smoke that khajiit drug thing

why did you come back to the kink dungeon

DO IT

we're all pots now

i'm a potu'r a pot

we're all pots

or drink it, i don't remember what it is

moonshine

Does the room smell like pot?

I put a pot on me head and nw im a pot head

. . .

IT'S ALL OGRE NOW

I...

y did u make me read that with my own 2 eyes

wait wrong reference

NO

-leaves-

That’s a bad ref

i h8 isa

whe ez e s

Nasty

i'ms or ry

Talk about HEATHEN

go sit in the corner and think about what u've done

u'r no angel

they cant, the corners are mine. all of them

fuckin' share

u already knew this, liz

i did

I Still remember that video like tbwas uesterdyayb

lucifer was an angel too

Was

yesterday

T'was

luifer is still pretty hot I hear

Gdi

SHUT UP

-eye brow wiggle-

omg

hoNHON

EIFFEL TOWER

ur banned from my next stream, hige

BAGUETTE

NO TEW2 FOR YOU

EIFFEL TOWER

NO. PLS. ILL BE GOOD

BAGUETTE

The Eiffel Tower reminds me of something else but idk why

B A N N E D

ILL CALL YOU MASTER AND WEAR A SHOCK COLLAR AND EVERYTHING

goodbye hige

PLS

doug's got that eiffel tower dick. bye

-pBFT

that pill dick

Hm.

i'll see myself out

more like

Wait was there an anime with an Eiffel Tower :thinking:

there was a show with an eiffel tower. and a lady bug,and a cat, and moths

chaat noir

it was cray

Miraculous Ladybug

Nah thinking of something ten times as traumatizing

wow u guys got it

sCREAMS

y that

o 3 o

sCREAMS TOO

But it might of just been a Tower

I watch it every now and then

are u sacrificing deak to the old gods

and the new

the new season?

gotta go fast. gotta go fast

Are u making jerky

OH new gods

gOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FF -FF-F-F-F-F-FASTER

honey you've got a big storm comin'

SANIC X

I was singing that during one of my streams

u didnt stutter over the Faster part. it doesnt count

I did tho

i have to go make jerky

this music still makes me think of South Park Stick of Truth

pats gently

Sleep is for the weak

And i. Am v weak

whimps. sleep is for the dead

grnted. we are all very dead inside already so....

Guess y’all better get me a coffin then cause imma be sleep in an hour probs. Maybe two. Depends on how much my dog wants to piss me off tonight

SCREAMS THO I FINALLY GOT A FIRE STARTED AND IT CRASHED

LMAO

Rip fire

RIP KIT

no fire

It burned too bright

only suffering

tiger tiger burning bright

Face the dark and cold like a dragon

fuckin capitilism

U can do it kit. Build that fire

How do u skill up in camping ?

Desk looks short.

Deak*

no. hes desk now

he's always been desk

your kindling loks like dog turds

They do I know my dog turds

ive stepped in enough dog shit to know my turds

I’ve picked up enough dog crap to know mine

baaah

Except those look like old ones. All cold and dried out

why do u need the fire anyway

Warmth, light, happiness

DEAK WAS STRANGLING A RAT BEFORE IT CRASHED

Yuh oh

I HEARD ITS LIL ANGRY RAT SOUNDS

The rat crashed the game to live

Rat god

rat ruh raggy

Why kill a werewolf when u can date kne

This little meter shows wet and cold. Gotta keep em down.

thats bswe all know lavis always wet bc hes a horny rabbit

IAHSJSJSJS

I mean u know rabbits...

Wear a coat and u will be warm

gotta hump like theres no tomorrow

Sex keeps u warm..I think

Actually I don’t know:thinking:

id imagine to bodies that sit at 98 degrees F while doing nthing get pretty hot when pressed together and doing activities that raise your blod pressure

thats like a 400 degree sauna right there if my maths right. pretty toasty

....that makes me wanna never do anything cause Thats HOT

goodsex is bad - its how babies are made and we dont want none of that

Condoms are a thing

so are holes and accidents

Ajsjsjsj being gay means no babies

Why do u think Im here

W o w

U

bruh

They’re happy accidents

Tru, Hays where the other half of my sex ed comes in. One half is sims the other is p orn

they are good teachers. pornhub is good to us

Yeah on what not to do I found some kessed up stuff. That’s where I found that shrek video

Spongeknob squarenuts

I can honestly say I have seen worse. Anime p orn is another layer of hell

And then there were three

Wow what a cool dog

THE THREE AMIGOS. THE THREE MUSKETEERS. NOW WITH LESS BLACK SPOTS. or was that treasure island-squints-

That was treasure island

Wood looks so crunchy

I read moby dick, the three musketeers, treasure island, huckleberry fin, tom sawyer and a few others but. fuck me if I remember them in their entirety

I read that as “I read my dick” and I was very concerned

wood - the original forbidden fruit

DEAK GT TURBERCULOSIS

Is that a naked man

prbsi mean this is sex dungeon

My god. Worst kink

why two lil kids re crwling around it giving themselves aids is beyound me

This is the least sexy sex dungeon let’s be real here. No mood lighting, cold. No r and b music. Where’s the pizzazz

maybe they played music on the bones

Yeah cause that’s sexy//

it is if ur a skeleton fucker in the undertale fandom

Do NOT. I have nightmares about that fandom

I can no longer look at a naked anatomical skeleton in all casual and comfort anymore

Wow really just moved the money for that gold

Honestly seeing them with dicks that are blue and glowing is just. V bad. I have seen so many things. and every time I see an actual factual human skeleton now. its all I see

I’m glad are the men here in this dungeon are napping so well

and I am very uncomfortable with naked skeletons

Aren’t all.:.skeletons naked ?

Guess they are wearing skin...

Deaks hair is Cheeto colored which is honest such a look:tm: you rub your hand through deaks hair. your fingers come back stained with neon orange dust

Cheeto dandruff

whose playin the meat sticks again

what

i heard the meaty slaps

i still hear them

alright. go gather your quotes you quote whore

[trouvvaille]

Clams ==> Talk to Chosis.

periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:03 AM -- PP began texting LS -- PP: meenah told me to talk to you. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:04 AM LS: hey cho LS: howws it ZZ3B? i heard u got guests an such periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:05 AM PP: they just needed somewhere warm to stay the ni9ht. the forest is quickly settlin9 into winter. itd be cruel to leave a person out there to wander in the dark. PP: meenah told me to talk to you. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:06 AM LS: yeah its fuckin cold here too LS: yeah i just wwanted to uh LS: talk i guess aboat wwhat you said to her LS: pike i unno, i wwanted to make sure wwe understood you correctly LS: cause pike u said "i need to ask some things of you" but then you didn't exactly make them sound like you were uh LS: askin LS: you sounded pike these needed to be done or else LS: y or no periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:08 AM PP: she can do those thin9s and earn my for9iveness, or she can not. PP: i asked her to do these thin9s to earn my for9iveness. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:11 AM LS: ah LS: so all a them non negotiable on anyones part then i'm assumin LS: i mean honestly dinners a big step i wwas hopin for somethin more pike, breakfast or lunch but dinner has some big fuckin connotations to it LS: i'm assumin you talked at vvis an sal aboat this LS: i mean i wwish you'd talked at me first LS: how you said that really uh LS: i mean you knoww meenah at least a little LS: tryin to control her or corner her into a decision makes her wwanna run the complete opposite wway or hate the wwhole codamn thing LS: i'vve been wworkin at gettin her to do those things myself LS: but i don't think she's LS: ready wwith her owwn thought processes to make such a big decision or such LS: only just got her to evven think about talkin at sally LS: been tryin to take it in steps LS: i wwant this as much as you do LS: rifts, fightin LS: you uh LS: you knoww vvis' origins yeah periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:13 AM PP: no, theyre ne9otiable. i told her if she needed clarification on any of them, she could ask. PP: breakfast and lunch doesnt really mean family to me. those more mean just me and her. my offer to her isnt about me. PP: i havent talked to them, no. but they told me what made them really upset about this whole thin9. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:14 AM LS: all the fightin an shit that surrounded him wwhen he came into existance LS: oh! aight okay periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:14 AM PP: if i can be honest, clams. PP: at least im 9ivin9 her somethin9. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:15 AM LS: yeah an i mean it's LS: quite the turnaround LS: from before i mean LS: kinda broadsided the both of us wwith your tone in the wwhole thing but i can see noww it was more than likely just a mis-readin on our parts periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:15 AM PP: the more ive thou9ht about the situation the an9rier ive become. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:16 AM LS: evverythin seems pike a challenge these days but uh LS: thats wwhat happens wwhen evveryone's havin issues LS: just a wwhole lotta. stress. LS: oh LS: then not a misreadin, just anger pike i thought periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:17 AM PP: this isnt exactly a 'one emotion 9et it done' type deal. PP: i had my arm cut off by someone so deeply entan9led in my family that i cant just remove that threat. PP: at first i was scared that if i was ever an9ry, that if anyone was an9ry for me, she would hurt me a9ain. PP: i was quiet and complacent and 9uilty because i didnt want to 9et hurt. PP: but im SICK of actin9 like that. PP: im SICK OF BEIN6 SCARED. PP: vati hurt me ONCE and i havent STOPPED feelin9 scared of everyone i meet since! PP: do you know that abby talks to arch??? arch tortured wiz worse than anyone out of the bunch! abby talks to arch for protection! PP: so yes, im an9ry! but i swallowed most of that an9er because i knew if i didnt, then i was 9oin9 to do somethin9 i would really re9ret. PP: so i didnt. and i talked to felide. and i made my offer. PP: so she can either take it (with whatever clarifications she needs) or not PP: but im done with bein9 scared. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:20 AM LS: i don't care if you're angry honestly you'vve gotta right to be an so does she LS: anywway aboat those three things periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:20 AM PP: ph my 6OD lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:27 AM LS: aight i'm gonna talk about your three conditions LS: you didn't set a timelimit on this an don't set one now, please, because it's just gonna givve out a wwhole lotta pressure on her an that's the last thing anyone needs right noww LS: twwo LS: if wwe havve dinner altogether, it needs to be after she an sally do their differences an apologies obvviously LS: an for that it's gonna take time LS: i promise you i'm wworkin wwith her on it. wwe had a convversation two days ago aboat sally an vvis an howw she needs to swwallow her codamn selfishness an anger an talk at them LS: it's just gonna take time an i ain't sure how much LS: i knoww they've talked before an they said they missed each other an they said they lovved each other but i think it's somethin they gotta work up towards LS: if you wwant i can keep you updated on that LS: as for vvis i uh LS: talked to her aboat that too an i put it in a wway that she understood LS: she showwed regret for wwhat she'd done, an understandin as to howw badly it fucked evverythin up LS: she knowws she wwas in the wwrong an i'vve made no holdbacks on tellin her so LS: she's wworkin on vvis too an i think that one wwill come. easier LS: i'll agree to your conditions but i'm puttin some of my owwn up LS: i need time LS: i mean i guess you can givve us a deadline but you nevver fuckin knoww wwhat might happen to take that awway, the kids are gone an there's still a good chance wwe ourselves could find ourselvves in some sorta fight with some sort of empress LS: they'vve assured me it's fine but i still fuckin wworry aboat that shit LS: second LS: dinner has to be in a third party location. not your hivve or mine, because both options wwill have the opposite party on edge LS: i'm thinkin vvis' hivve LS: i'll organize dinner tho unless u havve any claims to it or uh, wwant to help too, i fuckin lovve organizin nice dinners an shit ZZ3B) LS: wwearin nice clothes an all that unless uh, you wwanted it to be a more casual dinner? i unno, wwhenevver someone says dinner i think a fancy formal silvver platter sorta things LS: lastly LS: i understand feelin scared LS: i feel scared around sal still LS: an pike... if it helps, i'll make an effort to be there wwhenevver she's there wwith you or near you LS: so she wwon't lose it pike she did LS: so neither a you get hurt periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:29 AM PP: there is no time limit. PP: and the dinner i had planned was at my hive. for yule. PP: so i 9uess thats a kind of time limit but its the one i had in mind. PP: its a casual event. im makin9 dinner for the whole clade. everyone is 9oin9 to be there, everyone i can wrassle up. PP: so she should be there too. PP: id rather you hadnt put my emotions last on your to do list but whatever. PP: the moment has passed. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:29 AM LS: yule, fuck, i almost forgot LS: cod this swweep is goin by fast LS: too fuckin fast periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:30 AM PP: and if she does 'lose it'. PP: i assure i wont be needin9 your defense. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:30 AM LS: evverythin just. blurs. i blink an its been twwo wweeks ugh LS: cho i'm gonna tell you somefin periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:30 AM PP: yule is in december. the 22nd. you have time. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:33 AM LS: if she loses her temper an goes after you again i'd rather stand in front of her an let her krill me than put this fuckin wwedge betwween evveryone again LS: i mean at that point the stress of the fallout wwill givve me a codamn heart attack anywway so pike LS: yeah LS: but alternativvely if you go after her wwithout proper cause LS: i wwill absolutely do the same for her LS: so you best think ovver real hard your actions if she ain't actively goin after you or yours an you just decide to get in a pre-emptivve first strike aight LS: i'd rather fuckin die than let this happen a second time periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:34 AM PP: im not 9oin9 to fuckin9 attack her. PP: THE WHOLE POINT OF MY OFFER WAS ME NOT ATTACKIN6 HER. PP: BUT IM SICK OF BEIN6 SCARED, CLAMS. PP: I AM THE FEROCITY AND I AM SICK OF BEIN6 TAMED. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:35 AM LS: then i misunderstood wwhat you said wwhen you said "i assure you i wwon't be needing your defense". periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:35 AM PP: IF SHE COMES AFTER ME A6AIN. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:35 AM LS: an i apologize for that LS: i just wwanted to make my stance knowwn periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:36 AM PP: i dont. need. your. defense. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:36 AM LS: i mean to me it just sounded pike a threat so LS: i knoww you don't, cho periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:36 AM PP: if she is a threat to me, i will be a threat back. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:36 AM LS: but i need mine LS: for me LS: myself periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:36 AM PP: i am not 9oin9 to let her hurt me a9ain. no matter what that takes. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:37 AM LS: yeah an me too LS: i mean no ones really stopped to ask me howw this shit's affectin me you feel LS: pike LS: you knoww i see vvis' nightmares yeah? or is that a thing you havven't heard yet periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:38 AM PP: clams. PP: i care about you and for that reason i am tellin9 you that ri9ht now is not the time to open up to me. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:38 AM LS: my point is if i gotta see evveryone fightin like that again i ain't gonna be happy an i'm gonna LS: try to prevvent it best i can periodicPsychosis - Today at 8:38 AM PP: i am too an9ry. PP: i need to 9o eat. lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:41 AM LS: fine. LS: you wwant dinner on the 22nd, an apology to sal, an a promise to vvis LS: no promises on the actual date but i'll see wwhat i can do. LS: until then i think it best that you don't talk to her LS: pike at all, unless she instigates it or it's important LS: aight LS: aight. consider this convversation finished.

lonelySeahorse has ceased trolling periodicPsychosis --

[clarke-kom-eden]

I wrote something.... I'm scared! Here goes! Ahhhhh!!!!!

I have never written or posed a fic before, I just sort of, had an idea and went for it. It may be terrible, it probably is, but, im giving it a go! Post season 4, bellarke, follows canon, I think. Anything science ish is completely made up though! sorry if ive mis-tagged or anything, I really don’t know what I’m doing! Sorry for the accent. I felt he had an accent.

“Nevermind, I see you.”

If she was completely honest with herself, for the longest time now, Clarke had begun to feel like it would never happen. She had tried to stay hopeful, she really had, but with each passing day it became harder. Had they ever even made it to the ark? Had she spent the past 6 years talking to ghosts?

But here it was, reality, a ship. Until she really looked at it. She remembered talk of Becca testing nightblood on a mining colony, but the people out there were lost, and would have perished long ago, and weren’t they criminals?

Clarke waited back, shielding Madi, and watched as the crew of around 30 men left the ship. She saw as they basked in the sun, felt the drops of rain on their skin, touched the grass around them, and remembered when the Hundred had first landed on earth, filled with hope.

Clarke was unsure how to proceed. From what she had observed,they seemed like ordinary men, but they had been sent away for a reason, and abandoned in space for years, they could be dangerous. However, it was an incredibly small piece of earth to inhabit, and more than likely she and Madi would be discovered soon. Clarke decided she would rather be in control of the situation, and so, eyes sharp, weapon hot, made her approach.

“My name is Clarke Griffin,” she called from a distance,  “I wish to speak to whoever is in charge.”

An older man, with toughened skin and a greying beard took a few steps forward, keeping his hands raised.

“Well I’ll be damned. There really is someone living down here?!” He had an accent Clarke had only ever heard in an old western film she had once watched on the ark.

“More than one. Stay back.”

He stopped.

“Missy we don’t mean no harm or nothing, we just want to get our bearings. Are you from that there bunker she told us about.”

“ How do you know about the bunker?”

The man’s name was Thomas. He followed Clarke to another area while the rest of the men stayed with the ship.

“Start from the beginning.”

“Ok, but I gotta tell ya, I’m not even too sure myself of what’s  happening. I’m just a prisoner, trying make sense of all this.”

He gestured to everything around him.

“You see, I never really could hold my drink. It got me in trouble, well, I got me in trouble. Ended up hurting someone, more than I meant to. You could get a big ol’ reduction on your sentence if you agreed to do some, labour, they called it. Never mentioned much about radiation and injections and being put to sleep. Next thing we know we all wake up, look around the ship, there’s no one. No crew, no guards, just us prisoners all waking up. That’s when we hear someone trying to communicate with us, honest at first I thought it was the voice of God! Turns out she’s on a space station. Says her name’s Raven.”

At this, Clarke could not hold back her tears. It felt as if she had been holding her breath for years, as she finally let go. “Raven? She’s, alive, you spoke to her?”

“ She’s the one woke us up.” Clarke had too many questions, but all she could think to ask,

“did you talk to anyone else?”

“Yeah, there was a Monty too. Smart guy, couldn’t follow a lot of the tech talk but, I tried.” Clarke laughed, yeah, that sounded like Monty. “ Anyone else?”

“ Just those two, really. I’m guessing from your face that’s not the answer you wanted. I wish I could give you more, I’m sorry, it’s been a, well, a damn mess of a time.”

“I understand. So, are they coming down too, why aren’t they with you?”

“ That was the tricky part I’m afraid. See she explained she found us drifting, and that’s when we realised, well, we’d been asleep for gone a hundred years.” He shook his head, “ everyone we knew, our friends, family, all long gone.”

“I’m so sorry, that must have been a shock.”

“To say the least. Don’t think I even really believe it still, you know?” Clarke wasn’t sure how to respond. Ever since they’d been sent to earth it had felt like one shock after another, but to wake to find everything you’d ever known was gone, even with everything she had been through, that would have been unimaginable. Thomas took a deep breath and sat on a rock nearby.

“I’m sorry to press you Thomas, but I need to know about my friends.”

“Course you do. I’ll try n keep it short. Raven said they had been looking for a way to get back to earth, tryin to make fuel or something, but was havin trouble. Thought maybe they could use our ship, had no idea we were still in stasis. Anyways, she directed us to where they were, we were gonna take them on board, but there was a problem. Our airlock was completely ballsed up or something, no way to open her up in space without killing us all.” Clarke felt sick. So they were stuck, if they couldn’t make fuel, that’s it.

“ So that’s it, they’re stuck?”

“ I sure hope not. We had a few escape pods on our ship. She told us how to detach them, direct them toward their airlock. They all still had fuel in them. Not real sure what she’s planning,but they might still have a chance.”

Finally, for the first time in a long time, Clarke’s hope felt real. This was Raven, she could do it.

Clarke had tried every thing she could think of, but she just couldn’t make it work. She threw the tools across the room with as much force as she could muster, narrowly missing Andrew.

“ Clarke, I told you, Raven said most likely once we landed we wouldn’t be able to communicate with the ark anymore.”

She knew this, of course she did, but what else could she do? She had been trying to communicate with them for 6 years. It was her way of staying sane, she couldn’t just stop now, she had to keep trying.

“ Anyway, they’ll be here soon. I’m sure of it!” Andrew was one of the most optimistic people she had ever met, it was impossible to stay mad around him. He was just 18 when he had been put into stasis, although he seemed younger still, and was so skinny he really brought out Clarkes maternal side. Madi had also taken a real shine to him, though as Clarke kept reminding her she was much too young and he was a criminal! Clarke had begun to spend more time with the prisoners over the past few weeks, but still kept herself and Madi at a distance. She had tried to get an idea of the various crimes these men had committed, but as she had no way of knowing the truth, she just had to trust what they told her. Although, in Andrews case, she really felt like he had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Well, she hoped. Three weeks had passed and still no sign of them, and the prisoners wanted to focus on getting to the bunker. With their mining equipment, they should finally be able to dig the others free, but it was taking time to get the equipment back to working order, as it had been dormant for over 100 years. Clarke knew this should be her focus too, she was desperate to see her mother, but she couldn’t take her mind off of them, up there, alive. She knew that the bunker had only had enough oxygen for 5 years, knew that difficult decisions would have been made, her head should be underground, but her heart was in the stars. She thought of what she would say to him, she thought of the last time he held her. As she picked up the tools scattered around her and calmed herself once more, she heard distant excited shouts.

She stood slowly, as Madi came bounding in. She didn’t even speak, just gave Clarke the biggest smile and reached out her hand. Clarke took it and followed Madi outside, legs shaking with each step. She watched as the rocket she had waited for crash landed into the ocean.

“Well, let’s go get yer friends.” Thomas walked out in front of Clarke and towards the sea.

With every step closer to the crash site Clarke got faster and faster, until she was running so fast that Madi could no longer keep up. She stopped when she realised she had been dragging the poor girl. “Clarke, it’s ok” Madi let go of her hand, “you go, I’ll follow” Clarke nodded, and started running again, no longer feeling the ground beneath her, no longer feeling her own breathing, just running. She ran until she was waist deep in the water. The hatch of the shuttle was just beginning to open, and someone climbed out. They reached back into the shuttle to pull someone else out. One by one they all emerged from the rocket. Clarke stood and watched, silently. She meant to shout, to move, but she was frozen. She watched them help each other down and splash into the water, she watched them help each other swim towards the shore the opposite side of the bay from her, still unaware of her presence.

Finally, they began to remove their helmets. First she saw Murphys face, same smug grin as ever, as he helped Emori off with her helmet. They still looked as in love as she remembered. They all now faced away from her, looking toward the trees. Then she saw him. He ran his hand through his unruly curls and dropped his helmet on the ground. The group all spoke amongst themselves, but he separated himself and walked around a little. Then, finally, he turned to look back across the water. He stopped dead. For what felt like forever, they stared at each other. They were still a fair distance apart. He began to move back towards the water. Clarkes feet finally began to work. She moved deeper into the ocean until she could no longer stand. She tried to swim as best she could, but had never really done it before. She kicked and splashed but got nowhere. Her head dipped below the water. Suddenly, she felt strong arms around her, bringing her back up, carrying her to shore, laying her down on the beach.

“Are you trying to drown yourself, you can’t swim!” she coughed and spluttered and clung to his arms, digging her fingers into his suit. He pushed the hair from her face, then pulled her to him and squeezed her so tightly her ribs hurt, his face buried into her neck.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t, I don’t know, I, just…” she couldn’t finish. She had no answer, her mind had switched off and her body had taken over. He enveloped her entirely, as she wrapped her arms around his back, and cried.

“I left you.”

“you had no other choice!” Clarke finally loosened her grip on him, he pulled back slightly to look at her.

“Are you real?” He asked, as he studied her face. She nodded and laughed. He pulled her in again, this time more gently, and held her. She began to shiver, the water had been cold. “God, Clarke you’re freezing,” he rubbed up and down her arms.

“I don’t care”.

“ Clarke?” It was Raven. Bellamy and Clarke suddenly remembered they weren’t alone. He helped her up, as Raven threw her arms around her, followed by Monty, all the while Bellamy kept his arm around her waist.  Finally, the cold began to get to her,

“We should head back to camp, I’m assuming you probably want something to eat that’s not algi?” At this Murphy jumped in, “Clarke, please tell me you have something meat based? Anything. Honest to god I’ll eat rat right now”

“Just, head that way.” Clarke pointed towards the trees, just as Madi, Thomas and a few others appeared. “Raven, you know Thomas”

“It’s good to meet you in the flesh.”

“I knew you’d make it down, never had a doubt”.

Madi greeted Clarke with a hug and eyed up Bellamy.

“He looks just like your drawing.”

“My drawing? Clarke has drawings of me?”

“Yes. I know all about you. You’re Bellamy.” at this Bellamy raised an eyebrow.

“I, mentioned you, a couple of times. Madi is a nightblood, I found her, alone, after praimfaya, I’ve been teaching her. Your name has come up a few times.” Bellamy smirked, that same way he used to when he’d call her princess. “Madi, could you lead the way back to camp?” Madi looked like she wanted to say more, but did as Clarke asked. They started the walk back, Raven and Thomas in deep discussion, Monty and Harper talking with Andrew, Murphy and Emori keeping together, Echo staying close by them. Clarke and Bellamy fell to the back of the group.

“Clarke,” he said her name in that same deep voice that she had longed for, and it almost felt as if the last 6 years hadn’t happened,

“I still can’t believe you’re alive. You saved us, again, and I, just, left you.”

“Bellamy, I meant what I said. You did the right thing. I’m so glad you went, I told you to go, over the radio. If you hadn’t, you’d be dead, and we wouldn’t be here now. Together.” she reached for his hand. As he locked his fingers with hers, he repeated her words,

“Together”.