#im just glad he at least kept his memories from that time imagine if he forgot them when gaining his old memories back lol

[awkwardexxodus]

ahaha you guys ever think of how hazel and frank befriended and bonded with a version of percy that doesnt exist anymore. wym no

[nylongenesis]

Here’s the thing about Timothy stoker

here it is the tim post

People who say tim is an asshole are partially correct.

People who say tim is ‘toxic’ are INCORRECT.

I am very strongly about this because. listen to me. okay.

SPOILERS UP TO TMA SEASON 3 AHEAD

Imagine BEING timothy stoker. After whats probaboy the secondmost traumatizing experience of your life in which you almost die if not by the worms then by the MEDICAL EMERGENCY (respiratory acidosis is a medical emergency :3) your body was put into- plagued with nightmares and the pain of your body being covered in holes and your medical issues, you come back to the archives expecting to see your best friend, That will make it all better. It’ll be so worth it once you can see her again.

And then she acts so distant. And you dont know why.

And you have just lost your friendship. The one that’s kept you going this whole time. The one you were starting to believe might have been unbreakable. And you Don’t. Know. Why.

Eventually after many failed attempts to reconnect, you resign yourself to the fact that she just got tired of you. That you were right this whole time. That she just pitied you. You still don’t know what you did wrong and it’s eating you alive, but she won’t tell you, so you have to settle with pretending to be glad that she’s at least alive, All while your boss is literally going insane and STALKING YOU???

Only to find out after a YEAR of believing you were just unlovable that this person? The person youve been trying to ‘reconnect’ with? That isnt your best friend, Your best friend dies and you never noticed. How could you not notice? But when you see the real picture of her she feels like a stranger and you realize you have no fucking escape from your horrible, unforgivable sin of forgetting your friend. Because no matter what you do, trying to look back at your memories, that *thing* is there instead. You can’t even enjoy your memories before she died.

So you sit there, alone and afraid. Angry, grieving, everything else. What are you supposed to do but make the thing that has haunted you since the disappearance of your Brother feel the kind of pain it is making you feel?

Tim isn’t toxic. Hell I wouldn’t even say he’s that much of an asshole.

He’s a hurt child.

Mentally, especially in season three, he’s having the equivalent of a child’s breakdown. The kind they have when they don’t know how to express the emotions they’re feeling. These emotions- this grief, this anger, this pain- it’s so big, it’s so much, and he feels so small, so incapable and weak, and he cannot properly handle it. He cannot cope. Especially since he’s still somewhat trapped in who he was when his brother was taken.

Now im not saying the way he went about this is at all great, but yknow. Everyone forgives reactions to trauma until they’re personally inconvenient or ugly.

Tim lost everything, and honestly i would be pretty damn similar if I was in his position! That’s DEVASTATING.

In the end, there’s such a horrible tragedy to his entire character that goes almost entirely unnoticed unless you’re like me and you’re insane and overanalyze someone based on one word in an extra audio thats not in the podcast.

Anyways, that’s why I love Tim.

[starsomens]

✨Request✨ about my embarrassment because embarassing myself is my hobby <3

reader's parents and younger brother (8 years old the young bastard😑💙 go pick up the reader at the end of the show, in that gentle moment when Noah chats a bit with fans. While he and the reader are chatting, the reader's younger brother approaches them and innocently asks "Is he that Noah guy you keep talking about in your sleep?🧐🤔" BABEGORL IMAGINE NOAHS FAACCEE IM FINISHEDD FOR LIFFEE😭😭

He come out of the concert absolutely exhausted, but absolutely fulfilled. You had one of the best nights of your life. The performance was amazing. The vocals were unforgettable and of course the boys as individuals was just a whole other experience. You were just a little little sad that you weren’t able to get VIP tickets in time but there was always the next show.

So here you were waiting outside for your parents to arrive. They’re about five minutes away, so it wouldn’t be too long. You scroll through your phone. Looking at the pictures you had taken tonight. You zoom in on a particular picture that you have taken nearly perfectly. It was a lead singer Noah and he looked fantastic. No it was very common but also pretty, looked down upon depending on who you asked to have a crush on the lead singer. as much as you try to avoid it or deny it, you definitely had a crush on him

His musical talents, his looks, and his vibe personality overall really draws people in, so could you really blame yourself? You sigh reliving the memory in your head.

“ maybe next time I’ll get into VIP “ you said to yourself wistfully

“ well, maybe that can be changed “ a voice comes from behind you you spin around to see none other than Noah Sebastian and Nick Rufillo. You felt your heart dropped into your ass you blink a couple of times look from side to side, not believing what you were saying. It was after the concert, and here was the band members themselves talking to you

You for a loss of words “I-I…. Your bad omens …” was all that you could muster

They both smile their heads “ that we are. Did you enjoy the show tonight? “ they asked and you not your head enthusiastically

“ it was so good I loved every second of it!” Compliment you’re more than sure that they could see the stars in your eyes from how you were gawking and rambling to them

“ Glad that you enjoyed, but how about a picture since you didn’t make it into VIP” offered you felt like you were dreaming at this point and you hope something would come and prove that it wasn’t a dream. As if the universe was listening to your thoughts at that very moment. Another voice comes behind you.

“Hi!” Slightly turned around to see your younger brother. “ is that your boyfriend?” he ask looking Noah up and down.

“Y/B/N! No, where’s mom and dad? Why are you here?” You ask as blush appears on your face. Your cheeks become aggressively red from embarrassment.

“ we’re here to pick you up remember” he said sarcastically pointing to the car. You just kept your mouth shut at that point because if you said anything else he’d make it worse.

“ hey how do I get a picture of you guys together?” Your mom offered pulling out her phones to take a picture. Your brother may have shown up to embarrassing you, but at least you were able to get a picture with Nick and Noah even if you weren’t able to get into VIP and see the rest of the boys.

Group together and take one or two pictures and thank them profusely

“ I know you” your brother says suddenly

And of course, Noah asks “oh you do do you enjoy the music too?“

“ not really but you my sister’s wallpaper and she talks about you in her sleep too”

You. were. Horrified. Sure your brother embarrasses you at times but why now? And in front of all people know Sebastian of bad omens. WHY???

You couldn’t move you couldn’t say anything you were completely petrified in your spot and just watched Noah’s eyes widen and surprise. A smile crossing his face in a light chuckle, escaping his lips.

“ well, I’m sure she does if she really likes her music” he was trying to save the embarrassment and redirect your brother in a different direction but of course this demon spawn says

“Mmm but she’s always staring at pictures of you saying how hot you are-“

“OKAY WELL IM TIRED and it’s time to go home and I have work in the morning”

“No you do-“

At that point, you sort of stuffing your brother into the backseat of the car and shut the door as fast as possible. You had nowhere to hide your face as a long size escapes your body. You had such a great night, and you even got to meet two of the band members and your brother just had to ruin the experience.

You felt the top of your shoulder and you turn around to see Noah, handing you a piece of paper those between his fingers. He gives you a soft smile and says.

“ we gotta get going, but have a safe drive and thanks for coming to the show”

“ thank you for taking a picture with me. I really appreciate it and again I love your music so much.” You think them and goodbye as they walk to you soon will be the tour bus

when all of a sudden you get into the car and put your headphones on completely ignore your brother. You look at the paper still in hands, folded. You take the paper and carefully open it, just enough for you to read.

It was autographed by Nick and Noah with a small note under Noah's name

"see you in your dreams ;)"

Your cheeks heat up and all you could do was fold it tightly and stuff it into your pocket. You'll make sure your brother doesn't ever see this one!

「✨Taglist✨」 @lilhobgobbler @cncohshit @vir-tual @tdopomymind @concretenoah @misspygmypie @your-girl-c @fvckmeorchokeme @lust-for-sacher @thescarlettvvitch @cind6547

[halfmoth-halfman]

IM BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN, EXCEPT THE BUILDING IS 141!!!!! LET'S GOOOOOOOOO BABY!!!

At first when I saw Canary had no gun wound, I was like - Did she not get shot??? Did someone else take the bullet for her??? (my memory do be bad, my bad - but the angst potential of someone else getting hurt in Canary's place...yummy) And then I was like, is she dead?? How's she gonna get her revenge on Graves and Makarov and Makarov's bratty daughter???😧

I'm glad you kept me on my toes with that lol.

Finally had an interaction with Adler.....in heaven. That talk was necessary for Canary, I think. I think nothing can motivate a jilted kid as much as their desire to enrage and spite their estranged parents. (Too relatable for me, cuz I'd have done the same lol) Even tho a lot of shit Adler said was unfounded, it did fuel the fire Canary needs to keep going, especially if she wishes to enact revenge on those who wronged her. And you wrote this scene beautifully! (but I also wonder if this talk, esp with Adler being all "Trust no one" would make Canary paranoid af and refuse any help from 141. Or maybe she'd accept their help in taking down Price/Makarov, but would be hella distant and try to remove herself from the entire '141 is family' thing they've got going on?)

And Price is now in jail cuz Graves framed him for attempted murder????? Oh hell to the nah!

Like idek what Price and Canary are now, after everything that has happened. But if Graves goes around framing my Price for something he did, they'd be hell to pay. I'd raise a fucking riot, bitch!

As always, amazing chapter. And I can only wait for what would happen next. Does Canary recover? Does she get Price out of jail? Does she have a run in with Makarov, or Graves? What would Shephard say to her if she just barged into the police station and demand him to release Price as he did not murder her, since she's standing in front of him....alive? So many questions and theories to ponder over, hm....Can hardly wait for where the story goes! Have a great weekend, Moth. You deserve it after serving us with such delicious fic updates <3333

- 🍄 anon

alskdjasdlas i'm sorry all i could think about from that first sentence is canary coming back from the dead and just being like:

eggman voice: "i've come to make an announcement. phillip graves is a bitch ass motherfucker!"

ok so before i decided canary was going to get shot, i toyed with the idea of someone take a bullet for her instead. there was a very brief moment, where this chapter was going to end in either price or ghost's death, but i love them both too much and they need to have their redemption so i couldn't do that to them LOL

i agree, i think it was necessary for canary. she needed that push from adler, someone to light that fire in her in a way that only he really knew how to do. he knows how to push her buttons, how to get under her skin in just the right way to get her to act, but this time she's taking things into her own hands. and like, of course, she wants to get revenge of graves for her own reasons but choosing to go back and break down her father's golden child just to spite him? if there's one thing the adler family is good at, it's being petty.

adler definitely left a lasting mark of paranoia on her, and i think she'd be hesitant to trust the 141 even if he didn't just because of the events of the past five months. however, she does know she's going to need their help at least while she recovers, so i don't think she'd immediately burn that bridge. though who's to say what she might do once she's back on her feet. i guess it would depend on if the 141 tries to make it up to her, and if she wants to be in a more forgiving mood 👀

price sure is in jail, i wonder what's going to happen there. the rest of the 141 seemed stressed and surprised to see canary awake, imagine price sitting in a cell for however many weeks thinking she's dead and it's all his fault. :)

i don't think even price and canary know what they are. they certainly know they aren't together, but i imagine price still has major feelings for her (now paired with a lovely glass of guilt) so it would probably be up to canary whether to try and rebuild that relationship or not.

it'll be interesting to see what graves tries to do, esp now that canary is def not dead and actively trying to take him down. even more, it'll be interesting to see what shepherd does in light of this new information.

so many questions and theories!!! i'm so excited to see what everyone comes up with in the time between chapters omg

thank you so much, and i hope you have an amazing day and week!! 💜

[thegeminisage]

ok, its time for a QUICK tng update before xm*s proceedings. saturday we did "best of both worlds part ii" and "family" and last night we did "brothers" and "suddenly human."

best of both worlds part ii: I LOOOOOVED THIS EPISODE. mwah. EVERYTHING i wanted. creepy little cyborg implants. brainwashed picard. his beautiful perfect cgi tear (which may or may not have been cgi, this is a point of debate, experts please weigh in). data bravely doing a robot mind meld. 1000000/10 more borg episodes please please PLEASE

can you imagine if the borg has ben in tos btw. what a thought experiment, except for how i quite literally can't think about it or i'll get so excited i'll pass out

did guinan imply she and picard were lovers in this ep...girl you can do better

my one nitpick with william riker was him promoting that lady he hated instead of someone who deserved it, like worf or data. it probably would have given worf ptsd but can you imagine that enterprise having a captain and first officer being gay on the bridge again...wonderful. except this time there would also be deanna <3

"how much do you remember" "everything" AHAHAHAHA GREAT. GOOD. WONDERFUL. anyway

family: extremely unusual episode but i loved it nonetheless. i was really shocked worf's parents were so sweet!!! i fucking loved them. they're like the cutest people on earth i can't believe they raised such a taciturn and stoic guy like worf...

picard's family i wasn't sure about at first until the wrestling match in the mud. sometimes you need to punch a guy and his brother stepped up to the job admirably. i kept thinking he looked like michael caine, which would have been an incredible choice.

WESLEY.....................................................we don't need to talk about it

everyone's accents in this ep were wack. why does picard have a totally different accent from his brother. why is worf's accent different from his parents. ik its not that deep but its making me crrrazzzyyy

brothers: i didnt even get a look at the title of this episode before we started bc vumoo (the shady site im using to watch) doesn't display them but it was SUCH an unexpected pleasure to get a data episode

absolutely scuh-reaming at the ease with which he hijacked an ENTIRE goddamn starship. he's so competent i love that. a real "glad he's on OUR side" moment, not unlike spock commandeering the enterprise in "the menagerie" (rip i wish that had been a better episode).

lore grew on me really fast. i was neutral on him during his last appearance, the meme aside, but in this episode he was really fun and unsettling. brent spiner can do horrible, horrible things with his face

this ep felt a little cut off? i expected another confrontation with lore, a getting back of the chip, or at least some kind of burial or funeral for dr soong, but we just quit like 3/4 through the episode. maybe less time spent on the opening section of the hijack could have fixed this

anyway i love the foil between data and lore...one has support and the other does not...but it doesn't make sense for lore to get the emotions chip because it seems like he already HAS them??

oh yeah and data repeating "i am not less perfect than lore" got funnier EVERY time he did it. little man was really going thru it i was cracking up genuinely <3

suddenly human: this episode was wack

ok, did you guys read face on the milk carton when you were in school? i did when i was way too young to be reading it and it fucked me up real bad and i completely forgot about it until i watched this episode and then i got to unlock that memory in real time

anyway, while it is obviously the correct choice to return a child to their family when they are kidnapped as babies, it is also hugely traumatic for an older child to be ripped away from a loving home* and transplanted with strangers, which those books explore in horrific detail. so the whole episode i found myself going "i KNOW it's bad politics but could they not just CONSIDER leaving him with the only family he's ever known as a possible choice" and then they DID THAT and i wanted to be ill because it was obviously the worst choice in the world

* this is a different scenario than the first tng episode involving kidnapped children, which strongly resembled the residential schools from real life. THIS particular situation, minus the method of kidnapping (during warfare), more closely resembled the crazy cult shit happening in those books, where the kidnapped girl was being raised by people who thought they really were her biological grandparents and weren't bad people and her biological family also weren't bad people. a "no fault" situation EXCEPT FOR HE KIDNAPPENED THAT BABY DURING WARFARE.

anyway this is the second time tng has dropped the ball on this subject so i think from now on they should not do episodes like this anymore. really really really really bad.

NEXT TIME: "remember me" and "legacy"

[oddaodd]

Her Eyes

· Tommy Shelby arranged marriage imagine · 

warnings : arranged marriage.  

(Heapings of fluff and a pinch of angst if you squint) 

Y/n never imagined her family would have the nerve to marry her off as part of a deal between the one Thomas Shelby and her father, who had insisted that he couldn’t properly trust the Shelbys  if they weren’t united as a family, but there she was, standing outside the church ready to meet the man she would spend the rest of her life with.  Her father was a powerful man with many important connections and despite Thomas’s desire to never marry again after grace, he found himself having to accept to the deal. When he fist saw her, scarcely some hours before their wedding, he was intrigued by her beauty and kind eyes, but he put on a  nonchalant facade as he introduced himself to the woman whom he would have to live till death do them part.

“Thomas Shelby” he outstretched his hand.

She stared at him for a bit  “y/n” was all she managed to say as his rough hand wrapped around her soft one with a firm shake. There was something about him, almost like dream she couldn’t quite place. He was a very alluring, almost hypnotic man and she felt oddly drawn to him just a few seconds after first laying eyes on him.

“Lets get this over with, shall we?” He monotonously said, breaking her out of her reverie before stepping into the church.

The first few months were really hard because Thomas refused to let her get close to him, both emotionally and physically, Grace’s memory  still freshly lingering around him. Y/n however was determined to turn their marriage into something more than just a business deal. She would play with Charlie, she would bring Tommy tea whenever he was at home, and she always tried to get him to smile which wasn’t easy, but after a lot of persistence, slowly but surely Tommy let her in. Truth was, despite the circumstances he was somehow glad he met her. Thomas never thought he would find a match to his wit but there she was. They could spend hours and hours just talking as time unsuspectedly passed by.   She was an unusual person to say the least, smart, kind, caring, prim and proper, sometimes ladylike, sometimes not,  and with very expressive eyes. That’s the first thing he noticed about her when he saw her for the very first time, the pool of mixed emotions in her eyes before their wedding, she didn’t look perfectly sad, but she didn’t look perfectly happy either. He found himself enthralled by her eyes and in the end they were what made him relent to her subtle yet kind acts of affection. She found herself quickly falling for him and he too did for her, although he would never admit it to anyone least of all, to himself. Their relationship grew to become something along the lines of a friendship and she always made sure to give him space not knowing quite sure if he reciprocated her feelings or not, he was a difficult man to decipher after all.

One night he came home to find her sitting in the grass out in the garden all by her lonesome just staring at the sky and his stars. As soon as she saw him she invited him to join her. He sat next to her under the quilt, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at the stars when she was sitting next to him. He had had an overly tense day and seeing her there, toying with the grass between her toes and a quilt over her shoulders, just  enamored by the night sky made all his worries disappear for a while. . Thomas had learnt a lot just by looking at her, she was brought up to be the perfect high society lady, but when she was alone or with him or Charlie she could really be her own carefree self, knowing they wouldn’t judge her and he felt glad he had become one of the few who could see her like that.  She felt his stare and turned round to look at him, she could feel her cheeks going red when their eyes met and in the heat of the moment, she leaned in to kiss him. A tiny pang of insecurity poked at her insides when he didn’t immediately kiss her back, thinking that she might  have had misread the look in his eyes, she pulled away, but he stopped her by placing both his hands on either side of her face and looking into her eyes where he could see a strange strain of vulnerability before kissing her. Hesitantly she kissed back and they became so entangled in each other that everything around them became non existent. He made love to her that night with the stars as witnesses and after that, their relationship flowered into something else.

Time passed and they grew closer and closer together. She earned the trust of the rest of the Shelbys and soon enough she felt like a part of the family, even more so than with her own family.

Every year Y/n´s family held an event to “ rejoice with friends and family” as they put it, but y/n knew it was more of a “I´m richer than you” parade to which all of her family’s friends and relatives were invited to.  Knowing that her mother would make a fuss if she didn’t attend, she and Tommy found themselves in y/n´s family home one Friday evening, dressed in the heights of fashion, drinking the most expensive champagne money could buy and sitting through her mothers inquiries about their married life. Y/n´s mother was relieved that y/n had married after all, her biggest fear was any of her daughters not living up to the standards according to which she brought them up to be.

“So, Y/n dear, are you with child yet?” Her mother asked in feigned sweet tone.

Y/n choked a bit on her champagne, not expecting her mom to blatantly ask that. Tommy turned to look at her and after taking a drag of his cigarette replied  with a serious face“Not yet Mrs. Y/l/n”

“Oh but you are planning to aren’t you?” Her mother insisted.

“Not at the moment mother” y/n chimed in a bit too harshly for both her and her mother’s liking. Tommy grabbed her hand underneath the table with his free hand to reassure her a bit, but it did little to put out y/n´s feelings of discomfort “and anyway, why does it matter to you? You already have plenty of grandchildren from my sisters” she said this time with a politer tone.

“All im saying dear is that you are not getting ny younger and I would certainly not blame Mr. Shelby here” her mother said pointing at Tommy “ if he were to decide the deal he made with your father isn’t worth enough to put up with a woman of your likes” she finished before taking a sip of her glass of champagne and looking over at the couple to asses their reactions.

Y/n opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn’t find the words she needed. Tommy took her silence as an opportunity to get his word in after another long drag of his cigarette “with all due respect Mrs. Y/l/n,  I think we are way past the business part of this marriage”

Her mother gave him a forced smile indicating that she didn’t believe a word of it before replying with “of course you are Mr. Shelby”

Tommy smiled at her mother in reciprocity before putting out his cigarette and turning to look at y/n “ Let’s dance, love”  he said.

They made their way to the dance floor and swayed to the music “Now I know why you weren’t exited to come” he said looking down at her, trying to lighten her up a little. She barely nodded, too consumed in her own thoughts, her mother’s words ringing In her ears. She would be lying if she were to say it hadn’t occurred to her before, that the distant nagging thought of Tommy only pretending to enjoy her company for the sake of not having another problem to deal with hadn’t kept her up some nights in the past.

“Let’s just go home” she mumbled into his chest.

And so they did and for the next few days Tommy could see that she was a bit distant, sure she always smiled and acted like everything was fine, but no matter how well she acted, Tommy could see right through it, all because of her eyes. She was a proud woman and he knew she would never admit her mother’s words had gotten to her.

One day she was working on some of the flowers she had planted across the property as Tommy approached her. He must have been very silent for when he called her name she gave a little jump.

“God you scared me” she said with a laugh, wiping a bit of sweat of her forehead “Are you in a habit of startling unsuspecting gardening women?” She teased.

“Only on you” he replied looking down at her.

She could see there was something in his mind, but she wasn’t quite sure what it was so she stood up shaking some of the dirt that had collected on her dress before loosely wrapping her arms around him so that she could still see his face and inquired “ What can i do for you dear husband?”

He raised his eyebrows and his mouth curved up ever so slightly. She smiled at him knowing she was the only one who could get him to smile and waited for his response.

“Marry me” he said in all seriousness.

She gave him a coy smile “ But we are already married” she said doubtfully, not knowing what had brought Tommy to request such thing.

“Aye, but i want you to be my wife knowing that I married you for you, because I love you , not as a part of a business deal” he earnestly said before producing a small golden ring with a tiny orange opal from his coat pocket and grabbing her hand (that was covered in dirt) in his “ So, Y/n will you marry me?”

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting but it wasn’t that, it was the fist time Tommy had verbally proclaimed his love for her.  Her eyes welled up in tears, a whirlwind of emotions raging inside in full display. Tommy brought one of his hands to her face to wipe away the one tear that did dare to fall. “Of course I´ll marry you Thomas Shelby” she said grabbing his hand in hers and looking at how he, with his other hand  effortlessly slipped the ring on her finger before chuckling tearily and crashing her lips on his. They had a small ceremony right there on the garden that same weekend, saying their vows in front of the Shelby family. Unlike their first weeding, everyone seemed happy and even though it wasn’t an “official” wedding, they both knew it was the one that mattered.

[trivia-bangtan]

after (jjk) - 005

pairing: patient!oc x patient!jungkook

genre: friends to lovers au, kinda a hazel and gus trope, | lots of angst, fluff and suggestive themes

warning: this chapter gets extremely dark 😭 (nothing new lol)

authors note: omfg im so sorry it’s taken me so long to post 😩 the schedule might change from now on bc my schedule changed 😅 but hope u guys enjoy it 😩😩

there's a phobia called agoraphobia. it’s basically the fear of places and situations that can cause panic, helplessness and/or embarrassment. usually, i can deal with it. but things like cringe worthy scenes and overly cheesy romance is unavoidable.

especially being friends with jeon jungkook.

i knew better than to hand out my phone number to just anyone, but i thought maybe jungkook would be so busy with his own life, he would leave me alone.

for his parents' sake, i hope he had unlimited talk and text for his plan. the boy texted me first thing in the morning and every hour or so. he would call me at night, sometimes even facetime me, just before he went to bed. and even when we would hang up, he would still text me goodnight.

the only other person i would talk to everyday, other than my parents, is hoseok. hoseok was my older cousin, but one of my closest friends as well. but even hoseok gave a break during the day to allow some “me time” for the both of us.

jungkook was relentless. he would always text me “good morning sunshine” and then text me “good night my moon”. what the hell even was that?

as much as it was annoying, it was endearing in a sense. i guess it was nice to have someone other than family constantly checking up on me. but some part of me couldn’t help but wonder if it was because of what namjoon had said and if he felt obligated to have to talk to me.

i knew jungkook wasn’t like that. but a small part of me couldn’t help but convince myself that it could be true.

“so the guy texts you all the time? it’s not a big deal,” hoseok said, sitting across the island in his kitchen. i stuck my fork into my bowl of fruit, impaling a small blueberry in the process.

“i mean, it’s not but it’s weird. hobi, i’ve never had someone crave to talk to me so often. and i swear it has to be because of what our counselor said,” i mumble.

the thing about hoseok is he has an aura that gets you to spill all emotions. much like jungkook. but the difference between the two of them in my life is that i’ve known hoseok a lot longer and can confirm he can keep his mouth shut.

“well contrary to your belief, you’re a decent person to have around,” he shrugs, giving a strawberry in his mouth. i snort at his comment and roll my eyes.

“wow, what a compliment. it’s a wonder you’re single,” i chuckle, shoveling the fork full of blueberries into my mouth.

“i’m single by choice. what about you?” hoseok smirks, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” i asked, laughing at his expression.

“what?”

“the whole thing?” i respond, laying my fork down onto the counter, leaning onto it with my elbows, forearms flat as i folded my hands.

“i’m single because i choose to be. i prefer comforting solitude than forced company,” he shrugs, continuing to shovel fruit into his mouth.

“forced company?” i ask.

“yeah. like, just because we’re together, they feel obligated to HAVE to hang out with me or invite me everywhere when, in reality, i don’t give a damn. i mean, you know me. we both value our solitude and respect that. but it’s hard to find someone that understands that. and then i’m the bad guy for wanting alone time when really, it’s a mental health break,” hoseok explains, his eyes locked onto the bowl in front of him.

his statement surprised me. he was always such a people oriented person. as kids, he was the first to make friends between us and always such an extrovert. it kind of hurt to know eventually his whole personality switched. but maybe being so wrapped up in my world and in my own issues, i failed to acknowledge the people around me.

the atmosphere changed after that. almost as if there was a sad reminisce in the air.

“do you think you’re forced to keep me company?” i blurted. i couldn’t deny, the thought crossed my mind multiple times before. was everyone around me just babysitting to make sure i didn’t hurt myself?

i couldn’t tell. i knew asking would be dumb. hoseok would never tell me the truth. he’s usually a pretty blunt and up front guy, but he would never outright hurt my feelings. which saddened me even more. would he willingly lie to comfort me? knowing what i knew?

“do you think i am?”

“yeah,” i honestly admitted. we both sat in silence, taking in my answer.

it wasn’t a lie. like i said, the thought had crossed my mind. every time he placed his phone down on the table to force himself to give me his attention. the way he seemingly dropped everything immediately if i asked him to hang out with me or pick me up some place. how i never heard of him being with friends.

the more i sat there, the more i threw myself into overdrive, thinking until my head started to pound from overthinking.

“well, you’re wrong,” he sighed. my eyes flitted up to gaze at his face. he looked sullen, almost like my answer had upset him. i released a silent huff through my nose, smirking in the process.

“you don’t have to protect me,” i murmured quietly.

“my mom called me. she begged me to come home one day. i didn’t understand it at first, but she's my mom. i did as i was told. when i got home, she didn’t say anything, just told me to get in the car. i remember thinking to myself ‘what’s got her feeling this way? why is she being ominous with her actions?’ the whole drive, she said nothing,” hoseok said, a distant look in his eyes.

“she ended up pulling over at some park. it was late, so i didn’t recognize it at first. but then i realized what park it was. it was the park we went to as kids. and, again, i kept wondering to myself why she was being enigmatic with her actions. and then she spoke. she said six words and then didn’t speak the rest of the week,” he said, his voice shaken with sadness.

“what did she say?” i asked softly, my voice a mere whisper. hoseok looked up at me, his eyes glazed red.

“your cousin tried to kill herself.”

i felt like the air had come out of my lungs.

it’s funny, people like to talk about your attempts, but nobody ever tells you where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news. nobody tells you the pain they feel or the hurt. the anger or the betrayal. they pretend like what they felt didn’t happen to convince themselves it wasn’t real and they could move on. because it didn’t work and you’re alive.

but hearing hoseok tell me about his experience, it stirred something in my heart and i hadn’t felt in a long time.

regret.

“she didn’t even mention if you survived or if you were okay. that’s all she said. and because she was crying, i assumed the worst. i had assumed you died. and it felt like everything in me… stopped working. like, i forgot what it was like to not have you by my side. every… every memory, every laugh. every inside joke. it was like a corny ass film playing at 2x speed in front of me. my mind kept telling itself this can’t be real. she wouldn’t do that to me’. but the longer we sat there and the harder she cried, i couldn’t take it. i jumped out of the car and just started running. i didn’t know where i was going but i just had to run because the car was so suffocating, i thought i was gonna pass out. and i kept asking myself ‘why her? why couldn’t she just talk to me? why didn’t she tell me she was hurting? does she know how much i love her and that i would do anything to keep her here?’ and then i was pissed because i thought you had abandoned me. that you didn’t care about me or your parents or my mom. but then… once i stopped running… i felt bad for you. because i could never imagine the amount of loneliness you must’ve felt thinking the only way to solve this was to end it all,” he said through his compendious recount of that night. i could feel the hurt and regret make its rounds in my heart, forcing my body to follow. it physically ached to hear hobi recall every moment of that night. “i’m sorry,” i cried out, crying into my hands.

“that’s why i hang out with you. that’s why i talk to you. because i don’t want you to feel that kind of loneliness ever again,” he admitted, sniffling. the hurt and regret only further festered and made me cry over hard to the point where i felt like i couldn’t breathe. hoseok stood from his spot, making his way around the island. he stood in front of me, pulling me into his chest, my arms wrapping around his waist. i hadn’t hugged anyone in years, and the amount of care and love hoseok had emitted through his hug made me cry even more.

“and that’s why i’m so glad you have jungkook. because when i can’t be there, at least he is,” he explained, rubbing small circles in my back.

though my doubt was still heavy, and i felt as if he had an ulterior motive, hoseok’s words comforted me in a way.

jungkook had been nothing but kind, never intrusive or inquisitive about my history or my feelings. he spoke to me because he wanted me to know that he cared.

and for the first time in forever, i felt something else too.

hope.

[now-im-a-belieber]

Life Is Beautiful

skip muck x reader

a/n: oh hello. here is a little something that came to me based entirely off of a conversation I recently had with a friend. please enjoy, er, at least try not to cry? sorry im the worlds saddest fic writer lmao

taglist: @capsparkyspeirs @wecomrades @tvserie-s-world

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Everything was just as you'd left it, which raised a bit of suspension. Your sister *had* to have invaded your unused room while you were away. You just knew she'd snuck in here to sing into your hairbrush and push the clothes in your closet every which way. But... nothing was out of place.

You eased onto the stool of your vanity, noticing the steam from the shower you just took, curl from the ensuite. The only thing that seemed out of place here and now, was you. That, and a tattered old photo you'd stuck into the mirror you looked toward. It was perhaps the newest item in your possession, though the photo looked old as time. It was of Skip, smiling during a random morning of another day at war. The photo was worn and wrinkled in places, from months of being crammed in your pocket and nights held tightly in your clutch. It was all you had of the man now.

When a knock came to your door, you didn't bother welcoming the company. You knew your sister would turn the handle and see herself in.

You watched fondly as she entered, creeping into the room with a smile. You let out a breathy, tired giggle as you watched the girl flop onto the end of your bed,  her chin in her hands, her feet in the air behind her- settling just as she used to, just as you missed while so long gone.

As she settled, there was a question in your sister's gaze. So you turned in your chair all the way to shoot her a look that insisted she ask whatever it was. No one had really asked much of you at all, in your short time home. This both relieved and infuriated you.

But your sister... She'd always asked the sorts of questions everyone else was afraid too. She'd always gotten you to say what you really meant. You'd never been afraid of holding back from the girl. And finally, she spoke, with her gaze cast toward the corner of your mirror.

"Do you miss him?"

She only knew of Skip by what you'd written of him. And on one occasion, he was moved enough to add his own note in with yours, just for your sister; who he'd been so keen to meet, along with the rest of your family. He'd always asked after them, when he noticed letters from home in your frostbitten hands. He'd dream of the day he'd get to sit around the dinner table with you and everyone you loved. That day would never come. God, of course you missed him.

"I always will." You shrugged. Mixed among the fears and dreams that branched from your spirit, the gnawing of longing that lived in you for Skip was a fixture. It was apart of you now.

And softly, with more understanding and kindness than you might've thought her capable of, given her age, your sister implored you to go on about Skip.

You started off easy. You started by marvelling over the light you so often found in his eyes. Like there was a different, radiant world he seemed to be in touch with. Then you mentioned his curiosity and his jest. Both senses got him into trouble and kept others out of harm's way all at once. He was unlike any soldier or man you'd known in your years of drifting the earth.

And what was most incredible, what you still couldn't believe, were the times he chose to spend with you. The nights he went out of his way to include you in a round of darts. The days he sat at your side to share a joke or two, just for you to hear. You knew then, you were lucky.

"What he gave me... I was always grateful for. I never took a laugh for granted." You said. Because the simple possibility of losing those days of laughter was enough to strike fear into your very core. So you laughed without care. But you never really believed you'd lose Skip's giggle.

You had imagined waking up to a world where all you knew might be shot down, blown up. It was impossible not to let those thoughts cross your mind. But you never could truly think of losing Skip. He was a permanent installation in your mornings and nights, and thoughts of him never ended in your head. He was more alive than you'd known life itself to be, at certain points.

And... he still was, somehow. And it seemed fitting, for his loss to be so sudden. He didn't suffer or fight. He simply went away all at once. He left you and your friends faster than a blink. But his jokes were still told and his whisper still seemed to echo in your ear. And whenever someone mentioned the Niagara you didn't think of the place but instead of the smile Skip wore when he recounted stories he held nearest his heart.

Before you knew it, you were recounting as much. Rambling about the horror that lived within you, lingering still from that day. How you felt haunted, not by the man you loved, but by his absence. You'd never forget how you realized what had happened, when Roe sent Malarkey to find you. The soldier couldn't meet your eye's, and his brow furrowed while he opened his mouth, willing the news of Skip's loss to be spoken. Before he could say so, you knew. You just knew the man you'd made so many plans with had been stolen away before you'd gotten the chance to make good on a single promise.

With a stifled breath, you paused at realizing your babble. Your sister had asked, but whoever really wanted to hear such talk?

"Life is so cruel." Your sister cooed in a broken whisper after a pause settled in the room. And for two reasons you were moved to correct her statement. For one, so she might wear a little more hope in her eyes when considering what new mornings brought. And for another, because she was completely incorrect.

"Life is beautiful." You pointed, voice full and insistent. Life gave you Skip. And life kept his memory in rosaries and rivers.

"Death is the monster. Life is beautiful. And I'm glad to live it even if all I have of him now is what has already been."

Even though there were still days you awoke with a deep driving desire to get up and go to wherever he'd gone. You knew you couldn't. But you got to live on. You were granted the great unmatched honour of telling Skip's story over and over again.

God, you missed him. You always would. But there would always be one piece of your heart ever morphed by the soldier. You got to keep him close, after all.

[mightbewriting]

So I came to W&H and B&E in an odd way. I'm a long time Dramione fic reader who like many of us doubled down on in 2020 to find comfort in a bananas year. I kept seeing W&H on everyone's rec list, but for whatever reason kept putting it off. Then I heard about the prequel and decided to wait for that to be finished, read it, then do W&H. But once it was finished, I saw you recommended W&H first so I was like okay I'll do that. I struggle with impulse control but am trying to do better so when I saw the audiobook for W&H I was like perfect, I'll listen rather than read that way I won't gobble it up in a day. Ha well that did not work, I listened to the first 3 chapters (at that time those were the only chapters they had recorded) then instantly ran not walked to A03, reread said chapters, then continued on. At Chapter 4 of W&H, I thought hmm maybe I'll read them simultaneously. I continued that way maybe through Chapter 13 of B&E and Chapter 7ish then fully committed to W&H first. I cannot imagine reading these fics in real time because reading them in full, back to back was the most intense glutenous binge and it's taken over my life in the best way. I have been living in your fictional universe for the past two weeks. I started a list of all the parallels and callbacks and eventually had to call it because they are innumerable. I'm awed. In literal awe. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Your writing - the individual words of your vast vocabulary, the way you string said words together into hilarious, heart breaking, heart stopping, beautiful, and visceral feelings is astounding. It's hard to explain but even good writers (and/or an intriguing plot) sometimes do not create an overall immersive feeling. But the feelings your words evoke are all encompassing and truly universe building. Like it's not just the wording or the plot or the charters but all of it together come to make something even greater than the sum of their parts. Your writing, your universe of W&H, S&S, and B&E live in my mind and heart and in an embarrassing amount of screenshots of passages on my phone and in voice memos to myself as I don't have anyone irl to fan girl with. When I think of your words and the world you built, I'm reminded of a Taylor Swift lyric: "it cut deep to know you, right to the bone". That is how I'd describe your writing's effect on me, but in the best way.

Your brain's capacity to plot, plan, and flawlessly deliver W&H THEN B&E? Idk how you kept all the threads and plot points and moments and timelines in check. My head aches just thinking about how you wrote these stand-alone but also inextricable works of art. Like how does one's brain function in such a level? And it's especially telling in B&E because we knew where we were going but I still gasped, screamed, squealed, giggled, had to put my phone down, clutched it to my heart, fist pumped, stopped half way through just for a minute to breath and take it all in, and overall looked and acted as an utter idiot during each and every chapter because while I knew where we were going I also had no idea! I'm just floored you managed to keep us at the edge of our seats with a prequel? Who does that? You do!

The texts in the final chapter of W&H devastated me, literal chills. I think about that daily. It's exactly what H and we needed. Just like a reminder of what they went through. It reminded me of Chapter 41 of B&E. Like a summary of where they had been and where they are now.

The other thing that rattled in my brain is the motifs of choice and time, life kind of boils down to those two things huh? But choice especially. It's funny because choice is so prominent but at the same time how W&H and B&E give off soulmate vibes even though this is not a soulmate fic (also are the rumors true...?!) because despite time turners, breakups, and lost memories, they always come back together. But more on choice: it's just as Draco says - in a million scenarios he'll always choose her and he feels lucky she chose him just once. But of course with W&H, she does it twice. And she does it in both timelines of B&E, and of course that's the problem when Draco realizes he has not done the same hence heartbreak 1.0. And just god - he wants her to have a choice with the potion, a choice with her memories, and stops the timey wimey madness by realizing he's taking her choice (and in a way H started it by taking away his choice and leaving the first time). And then those parts about how he chose her, she chose him, but they could not chose each other. This motif, these callbacks. I'm flabbergasted. It's just hitting me now that you extend the choice to us as readers - we get to choose whether H get her memories back or not.

Theo in all your Wait and Hope universe, but especially S&S broke me. Blaise asking who is taking care of Theo when he's taking care of everyone else? Theo's literal and figurative demons? Yikes. Those were unpleasant looks in the mirror for me. I'm glad Theo has his Blaise. Where's mine haha? Also just shout to your underrated Blaise. The fact that he might be my favorite of the Slytherians in your stories says a lot since he doesn't say a lot haha. But he packs such a punch in all your works.

Okay, after singing your well deserved praises and fan girling and marveling at your works (god this is so long, I'm so sorry!), at long last my ask. I still cannot get this out of my head: what did Theo mean in Chapter 1 of B&E when he suggests to Draco “I know that. Maybe you could—tell her some of—” some of what? I zeroed in on this as soon as I read it and it's been rattling in my brain ever since.

um. hi? holy shit. i dont know how to process this. i am resisting the impulse to cringe away from the level of praise happening here because i really need to learn how to take a compliment but oh my god? i am not...this is just...wowzers. you are very literally too kind to me. i have melted into a puddle of feelings in my reading chair here. 

so, first things first: thank you. these are some of the nicest things i’ve ever heard about my writing and i can guarantee i will come back to this ask when I'm feeling like i suck and need a motivation boost. i can’t deny...it feels really nice to know that at least one person out there caught and appreciated some of the insane attention to detail i forced upon myself lol. so thank you. truly, thank you so much for saying such amazingly kind things that have short circuited my brain!

and im sure my friends at @etl-echo-audiobooks will be over the moon to know that their recording work was such a hit! your trajectory reading these stories is so fun and hilarious and probably the most unique reading experience i’ve heard so far xD

also, please be advised that your analysis on choice in these stories is probably going to live in my head rent free for the rest of my life. i feel seen, you know? you just...picked up what i was putting down and it feels really nice to know that it worked for you! 

and ok. your question. that little dash of ambiguity i was planning on leaving open ended. but let it be known i can be plied with compliments. i can’t just *not* give you something in return for such a lovely and kind and thoughtful dose of joy you had absolutely no obligation to give me today. 

so, in my mind, after draco’s house arrest ended and before he went abroad for his mastery, he and theo had an extensive (most likely drunken. also blaise was probably there too) night of reflection where they kind of just looked back at their childhoods and the war and the history of blood purity and just sort of went: “what the fuck?” i imagine draco probably confided in theo that when he went abroad, he planned to just try and pretend like none of it mattered, to see if that was really true. and draco probably kept him updated via owl (even though draco did not write enough and theo had feelings about that) so that by the time draco returned and we have theo asking that sort of trailing question, the implication at the end is “what if you told granger some of your realizations about it all?” so...not all that exciting? but there you have it!

in conclusion: thank you! you are too kind! i appreciate your thoughtful commentary SO much! i’m so happy you enjoyed these stories. and i hope the explanation of what theo was going to say wasn’t too underwhelming.

[normal-thoughts-official]

The world keeps spinning (it really shouldn't)

Vance did it. He defeated Josephine, saved his grandpa and Elliot, and saved the town. Everything's fixed.

No. Everything is awful. He failed, and now his friend- now Tom is gone.

And he'd rather fight Josephine all over again, because it'd be easier than what he has to do now- tell Andy about it.

Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)

Relationships: Andy Kang/Tom Sato, Danni Asturias/Imogen Wescott, (dannimogen is background and very brief but i couldn't resist), Andy Kang & Ava Cunningham & Lucas Thomas & Lily Ortiz

Additional Tags: tom dies and everything is awful, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Friendship, for basic context im going with the version of ILITW that i got, which is that everyone survived and noah took jane's place, and then for ILB i did the version where tom dies obviously, (which is not the version i got), (everyone survived), (i feel the need to say this for my own ego), but anyway i was like what if tho. andy would be devastated, and then... this happened?, only difference from canon is that ILITW MC told everyone about noah a lot before, also like. imma be real with yall, im physically uncapable of giving my MCs serious names, so ILB MC was named That Bitch and i didnt want to give him a real name, cuz it felt like betrayal, so im just calling him vance for this one, is it his nickname? is he called vance vance? dont worry about it, Anyway that's it, Pining, you know. before the death part. it's mentioned, also we're ignoring the whole richard tries to murder MC thing, cuz i dont have time for that, so pretend ILB ended on chapter 17, Hopeful Ending, considering the theme i mean

Read it on Ao3

The city of Westchester looks exactly the same, but somehow feels a lot less wholesome, now. Vance walks in it and feels like a corpse among the living, like a ghost screaming to everyone that something's wrong. And being ignored.

It shouldn't look the same, without Tom.

But no one knows, yet.

He swallows, running a hand behind the nape of his neck. That's why he's here, anyway - they should know, they deserve to know, and he doesn't want to have the funeral without Tom's friends there.

Which is why he's going to tell Andy. Himself, in person. Because he might not know him very well, but he wants to do the right thing, and that's the least Andy deserves. He knows there's no one Tom loved like he did Andy, and from what he's seen of them together, the feeling was mutual.

He has to do this. But he feels sick, just thinking about that bond, and how it was ruined.

How could he let this happen to them?

He was so cocky, so stupid, so reckless... He thought everything would turn out okay. Assumed it would, even, because it kept getting him through it, to think that everything would turn out fine.

God. What a joke.

He walks into the little diner Andy had recommended. I'm sure you've heard of that place, Tom loves it, he had texted. We always went there to celebrate our wins back in high school. His stomach had churned, but he didn't say anything, because he wasn't going to tell Andy via text. He has to do this right. It's the least he owes him.

So he pretended that everything was fine, and agreed to meet him there. Woke up, and dragged himself to the place, trying to muster up the courage to face the world that seemed to not even care about his mistakes.

When he gets to the diner's door, he takes a deep breath, trying to ground himself for what he's about to do. Face his own mistakes. Face the pain he caused when he failed them both.

He walks in, and to his relief, and despair, Andy is already there. He smiles brightly when he sees Vance, and Vance wants to disappear.

"Vance! Nice to see you, dude. I heard about what went down in Pine Springs, glad you're okay," he says, not giving time for Vance to answer before continuing, this weird sense of calm and sympathy about him. "So, I assume you still need help with that ghost? From what I've seen in the news, it seemed like you handled it pretty well, but it's not like they are giving us supernatural updates or anything, so I figured there were still some loose ends to tie. Are the other guys coming? Where's Tom?" he looks over behind Vance, and Vance wants to die at the question. God, how is he going to tell him? He didn't really think about that, beyond the part where he has to. "I kind of thought you'd come together again. Bad move to come separated, Tom is always late to everything, I swear if it weren't for me he'd have been kicked out of the team for missing practice too many times. And I'm not the most punctual guy in the world, mind you, but I still had to drag his ass there so he'd be on time- is everything okay?"

Vance is a little shocked by the question. It's not, but what is he supposed to answer? "Andy," he says, a little careful, "things… went a little wrong, back there."

"Oh, shoot," he says, "I'm sorry, man, I kinda assumed, when I heard about how the flooding and the animal attacks were in full swing and then just stopped suddenly, that that was when you got rid of the ghost, you know? And seeing you all in one piece… I thought it was over already. Do you need help? I can round up the guys, and we can go-"

"No, Andy," Vance says, "the ghost is gone."

Andy looks at him, confused. "Then what's the problem?"

"Tom," he says, then winces when he sees all the color drain from Andy's face.

Andy waits for barely a second, then breaks into anxious questioning. "Tom? Why? What do you mean? Is he hurt? How bad is it? Did he have to go to the hospital? Where is he?"

Vance wants to cry. God. God. He can't do this. "Andy..."

Andy just looks at him, eyes wild, terrified, and it hasn't even hit him yet. "Vance. Vance. Please. What happened? Does Tom need me? Because if so, we need to go-"

"Tom's gone," he says, and it leaves him in a rush, a whisper, taking with it the last of his energy. He's empty, and somehow, it's still awful. "He's… he's dead, Andy."

Andy looks at him, eyes wide, unfocused, lost. "This isn't funny," he says. "If Tom put you up to this, knock it off right now. Tell him not to ever joke about-"

"Andy," Vance says, then swallows. "Tom wouldn't joke about that. You know that."

"No, he wouldn't, but..." His eyes begin to water, panic settling in, gaze darting across the room as if searching for him, "But… No. No. No, knock it off."

Vance starts crying before Andy does. "I'm sorry, Andy."

--------

Andy is in shock. He freezes in place, mouth hanging open, everything about him completely still except for his eyes, still so damn wide, still searching the place, searching Vance, begging for something, anything. Vance sits him back down on the table, gently, and Andy lets himself be handled back, eyes still not settling on him.

"I'm sorry," Vance says. "I… I promised you that I would take care of him. I tried, but… I'm so sorry."

"How?" he asks, "how could this happen? This isn't… After Redfield, when everyone survived, I just… I didn't think any of us could lose to another monster, I..." He shakes his head, vigorously, desperately. "This was supposed to be over. We were done, we were free, it was supposed to be over, we were all supposed to be safe, it shouldn't..."

"I'm sorry. It all happened so fast, I… If I had been faster, maybe..."

"Well, it's a bit late for that now," Andy snaps, and Vance bites his lip, not recoiling, because he deserves it. Then Andy stops, as if realizing what he had said, and for a second, his eyes seem clear again. He shakes his head. "No. I'm sorry. I… If there's anything I've learnt from everything that happened, it's that we can't point fingers when things get hard." He finally looks up at Vance, shaking, eerily still, nothing like the guy he was just seconds ago. He's wrecked, Vance thinks, and he wants to tear at himself in guilt. "What happened? Did he- did he drown, or… Did the ghost..."

"We were fighting monsters," Vance explains. "There were just… So many of them, and it all happened so fast, I..." he looks away, not daring to look back at the memory, not daring to remember the awful scene. As if he has to. Everytime he closes his eyes, it's back, punishing him. "We got his body," he explains. "Pine Springs is taking the victims to mass graves, but we wanted to give him a proper burial. I thought… You'd want to come."

Andy seems surprised, like that hadn't crossed his mind. "You haven't buried him yet?"

Vance bites his lip. "No. We're doing it tonight. We didn't have the time before, and… Well, I thought you'd want to be there. And I think he'd have wanted his body to be in Westchester, so..." He trails off.

Andy looks at him, hesitant. He bites his lip, looks away, then back at him. "Can I see the body?"

Vance does recoil, this time. He wasn't expecting this question. "I… You won't want to."

"What do you mean, I won't want to? I need to say goodbye to him, I-"

"Andy," he says, as gently as possible, because he deserves Andy's anger, all of it, but he won't let him do that to himself. "You won't want to remember him like that. His body…" He looks at Andy's eyes. He's still furious, livid, shaking, and he's lost, and Vance realizes that he doesn't get it, doesn't understand what Vance is saying, and this might be even worse than having to tell him Tom is dead. "It's torn to pieces, Andy. There's not much for you to see."

Andy freezes, for the second time that day. "Was he- oh, god," he looks at his own shaky hands, somehow even more in shock than before. "Was it… At least, was it quick?"

Vance starts crying again. He opens his mouth to answer. He can't. He chokes on the words, on his guilt, on his uselessness. "I'm so sorry, Andy."

------

Andy throws up. Once, twice. He doesn't insist on looking at the body. Obviously, he can't. Just imagining it- it's too much.

He tries to comfort Vance, because he- he's trying to do better, with his anger, with his impulsiveness, but all he can think about is how much he wants to destroy something, and honestly, the whole conversation is a blur. He punches the wall instead, once he gets home. And throws up. Again and again. Sends his friends a message, letting them know about the funeral. Cries. Punches the wall again. And again, and again, hoping that his hands will start to bleed, that he'll tear himself apart. His mom asks what's got him so angry, and he yells, "Tom is dead!". Her face twists in shock, and he can't look at it. He runs away.

Being back outside is almost worse. Everything- it should be in shambles. The whole town, the whole world should be on fire, fizzling, filled with screams and despair, like Andy is. He's never lived in a world without Tom before, never been away from him his whole life, and it shouldn't look like it's just the same. Everything should be gone, destroyed. And it is, but it doesn't look that way, and Andy wants to tear it all apart until it makes sense, at least.

He hates Westchester now. He hates it. God damn the stupid woods, and the stupid cult, and the fucking Power! God damn Andy for telling Tom about it, for letting him become this sort of- monster hunter, for believing that just because they overcame a ghost once, it would keep happening if they pushed their luck.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Tom can't be dead. It's impossible.

How can Andy still be standing, if Tom isn't here?

---------

He wanders like that the rest of the day, not noticing the hunger that builds up after going a whole day without eating, not noticing the passersby looking at him worriedly, not noticing the thousands of missed calls from his mom, not noticing anything but this awful despair. He knows the feeling of wanting to claw his chest off intimately well, but it's never been like that before. He wants to carve himself hollow. He wants to scream. He wants to run. And he runs from the all-encompassing nothingness, even though he has nowhere to go.

He goes from angry to empty, and then back to angry, all day long, and the day passes in a blur.

--------

Andy meets up with Vance and two girls from their crew. Their group was pretty small, he realizes. A lot smaller than Andy's was, all those years ago. Three years ago. Forever ago. Another lifetime. Just yesterday.

The cemetery is empty, but there's a grave with a black casket they're standing next to. "I thought all the cemetery crew was helping Pine Springs," he says, like he cares. Honestly, he hadn't thought about the logistics of this at all.

"They are," Vance confirms, serious. "You, uh… You know about Noah, right…?"

Andy nods. "Yeah, we, uh, reintroduced ourselves to him a little after you guys left." It was weird, to say the least. All that anger, all that betrayal, bubbling up again right when they had all started to move on from what had happened, to think that it was over… The urge to scream at him, demand answers… And then seeing all the hurt, and the confusion, and remembering that they had loved Noah, once, most of their lives, and that at the end of the day, the only one who had suffered from his actions was himself.

It wasn't easy to forgive. Not to Andy. Or Stacy. Or Ava. But they had been working on it. Maybe they couldn't forgive, much less forget, but at the same time, they couldn't get rid of that bond, either.

Still… "What does this have to do with… With Tom?" If Noah had anything to do with his death, Andy would kill him all over again. He doesn't care about his freaky powers, he'll die if he has to, but Noah will pay.

"He, uh, helped. Dig the grave and, uh, get a casket. That's how we got everything ready."

Oh. "I… I see," he says. "Is he here?"

"No. I told him you guys were coming, and he said it was better if he left."

"Oh," Andy answers. "I guess that's… Yeah. Still..." he raises his voice a little bit, in the direction of the woods. "Thank you, Noah."

He doesn't see or hear anything, not really, but still, somehow, he can tell that Noah is pleased. He can picture Noah's smile and that fragile little "friendsss..."

He sighs, suddenly exhausted.

Vance seems to notice, god bless his soul. "Are the others coming?", he asks, gently.

"Lily, Lucas, and Ava are," Andy replies. "The rest were out of town, and they… They won't make it."

"I'm sorry."

Andy kicks a pebble. "It's fine," he says. It's the kind of lie that's so absurd that it becomes true. Nothing is fine. It'll never be fine. So it doesn't matter at all, and it ends up being fine.

Vance seems to realize what's going through his head, somehow, because he looks unsure of what to say. Finally, he settles on, "uh, Andy. These are Danni, and Imogen," he says, gesturing to each of them, and Andy musters up enough energy to look at their faces while he does that, at least. Then, his eyes widen for a second, finally taking in what they look like.

"Wait, you're Imogen Wescott?" he says, a little dumbfounded. "When I heard that name, I kinda expected you to be, you know..."

"White and insufferable?" Imogen asks, a little smile directed at him, so gentle he can barely handle it. "Yeah. That's why I'd rather go by Genny, usually."

Danni frowns at her, slightly troubled. "You never told me that."

Imogen's smile turns a little brighter. "Oh, no, not for you, Danni. For you, I'd rather go by 'babe'".

Danni also smiles at her, and they squeeze each other's hands, and the edges of grief seem to turn just a little softer for them both. Andy can tell that things get just a little easier for them, just a little less grim, because they have each other. And he needs to look away, wants to run, because he and Tom… They could've… In a way, they were...

He feels like he's ready to run again. God, he fucked up so bad. What was he supposed to do now, how could he get better when the one thing in the world that always made him feel better was Tom? He lost him, he's gone, it's over, and somehow it hadn't hit quite the way it did at that moment, looking at that connection, that love that showed through grief. He averts his eyes, feeling wild and cornered, and turns back right in time to almost run into Lily - who looks devastated, and reaches out to touch his arm. Which feels crazy, because Andy is raw, and his whole body is bleeding, and rotting away, and who would touch him-

"I'm so sorry, Andy." She says, and Andy finds himself hugging her tight, and he feels like she should wither, die at his touch, suffocate, but she just hugs him back and pats him and Andy cries on her shoulder, and he's never cried in front of her before, much less like this. But he can't stop, he can't do anything, he's so heavy and dizzy and lost-

And Lily is stronger than they give her credit for, because she holds him, this endless weight that is him, even when he shakes and stains her sweater with tears, like it's nothing. She feels so solid, right then, the only solid thing in the world. She's got him, Andy knows, and it's like finally he ran into something he can take shelter in. He takes a deep breath, then another, and holds on for dear life.

"I'm sorry," is the first thing he says, maybe the only thing he knows how to say right now. Maybe this is how Jane felt, in the end - this endless spectre of regret, bigger than everything, than everyone, encompassing her and drowning her until it ate her whole and left her empty, with only the Power and its evil inside her.

He's so tired, but he's not empty, not yet.

He almost wants to be.

"Don't apologize," Lily says, so sad and sympathetic, and it takes Andy a moment to realize what she's even talking about. "I'm really sorry, I..."

It's only then that Andy's eyes focus enough to see Ava and Lucas standing a little after her, their faces twisted with sadness and bodies frozen in place. At times like this, it really is obvious that Lily is the bravest out of all of them, by far. Andy doesn't think he's ever cried in front of any of them, and Lucas and Ava look- completely lost.

Lucas is the first to talk, out of them both. His voice is very soft. "Andy, if there's anything you need..."

Ava interrupts, words leaving her way too fast. "We'll be staying with you tonight." She blinks for a second, frowning at Lucas. "Sorry, I, uh, hadn't realized you were talking." She looks like she just came out of a daze. She probably had been running that in her head for a while. Lucas puts his hand on her shoulder, and Ava runs a head on her neck, embarrassed.

"It's okay," Andy answers, even though her apology wasn't directed at him. "You don't have to, you know, watch over me or..." He trails off.

"We're not leaving you alone," Ava says, resolute. "You know the others couldn't come, but we all agreed that we should be… You know..."

Andy chokes on something he can't quite feel. He looks down at his feet, and he hasn't felt this small in years. "I… Okay."

Ava reaches out to him, hesitant, and gives him a little pat on the shoulder. Lucas starts rubbing his back soothingly, and, very awkwardly, they gravitate into a group hug. Andy can see the nervousness in Ava's eyes, the worry that she's doing this wrong somehow, like a hug is the most complex thing in the world, and he tries to muster up a little smile of encouragement to her, but he's forgotten how to do that. He doesn't know how to do anything, anymore.

Slowly, they separate, and all three of them still keep some sort of touch with Andy - even Ava, with her hand close to his shoulder - like they're trying to anchor him, but he drifts away anyway, lost in whatever it is that's left of himself.

Vance looks down at him for a moment, as if waiting for a signal, but Andy doesn't know for what, so he waits for Vance to figure it out. Finally, he says, "should we start?"

Andy frowns. "Wasn't there some other guy with you? Pork something?"

Vance, Imogen, and Danni all look at each other, uncertain, surprised, for a moment. It's Imogen who speaks up. "He… He left us."

Ava swallows. "Did he also..."

"No," she says, shaking her head, sadly. "He, uh, deserted the group."

"He what?" Someone asks, shocked, almost outraged, and when Andy sees the looks in everyone's faces, he realizes that it was him.

"He couldn't take it," Vance says, face twisted with sadness. "All the fighting, the monsters… He left."

Andy is shaking. Falling apart. About to explode. "When?"

Vance doesn't look at him. "Right before the final battle."

"He abandoned you when you were going up against the evil ghost?"

"He..." Vance begins, then finds that he has nothing else to say. "Yeah."

"How…" Andy begins, lost for words, and then it happens. He explodes. "How dare he!" He screams. "Tom was counting on him, he trusted him, he needed him, and he just left? He should have been there! He should have been there, he should," Andy looks at his own hands, in shock, watching them tremble and go out of focus, like there are tears blocking his vision, and he feels sick, on the verge of death, and he realizes that he's not talking about that guy at all. "He should have been there!" He slips from his own control, falling to his knees, covering his face, feeling shame, shame, shame, hatred, disgust. "He should… I should… Oh God, I just let him go alone..."

"Andy..." Someone says. Maybe Lucas. Maybe Lily. Maybe the Imogen girl. It sounds so sympathetic. He wants to claw at his own skin and hide.

"I should have been there, I shouldn't… I had experience, what was I thinking..."

"Tom didn't want you to go," someone else says, gently. "I was there when you talked, remember? You didn't abandon him. You said you were going to come, and he told you not to."

"Tom.. Tom is not my damn boss," Andy answers, still covering his face, feeling the tears stop spilling and start to drown him from the inside, and god damn T, the least Tom deserves is for him to be able to cry properly- "I-I should have… gone," he chokes, shaking.

The next one who speaks is Ava. "He wouldn't have wanted you to be at risk, Andy."

"I don't care. I don't care. I'm selfish like that, I'd rather it was me. I could have helped him, I could have saved him, even if I had to- to take his place..."

"Andy..." is all Ava says, sounding shaken, devastated.

"Fuck!" He screams, punching the ground beneath him as if trying to punish the earth for taking Tom. "He would have never left me like that, I could always count on Tom, I could always..." he feels his chest constrict, or maybe burst, with all the tears and horror inside of him, like he's cracking from the inside. "Always..." he can't form the words, can't find the air, and he falls in on himself, more, more, more, closing in, suffocating, "always..." he can't breathe. He can't breathe. He tries to draw it in, to keep himself steady, but every time he tries to bring it in, the air escapes from him again, further, abandoning him, and he wheezes, again, again, closing in further, suffocating, oh God, he's going to die…

"It's a panic attack!" Someone screams, then kneels beside him, putting their hands on his shoulders. "Andy. Andy. Focus on me. You need to breathe. Deep lungfuls. Come on. I'll count to four. Keep breathing in. 1… 2..."

"Can't," he wheezes. It's too strong, like there's something… Something constricting his chest, inside and outside, and then he realizes… "Binder." He sits down straighter, no longer closing in on himself, and that awful vulnerability gets even worse, but it's easier to breathe. He follows the person's counts… 1, 2, 3, 4… Then up to five, then to six, then to seven, then eight… Until finally he doesn't need help, and he opens his eyes and contemplates the absolute mess that he is, and Imogen's kind, relieved face just inches from him.

"Good, Andy, you did well… I have these sometimes, too, I know how scary they are, you were so brave..." Imogen keeps on saying, painfully understanding, and he nods, a bit exhausted to explain. He didn't take his binder off all day, didn't remember… And if he wears it for too long, he's more prone to hyperventilating, especially if he's stressed. Tom knew that. Tom would have known what was going on. Tom… Fuck.

"I'm sorry," he says, to everyone, and no one in particular.

"Don't apologize. We're all glad you're okay," Lily says, and he realizes that, somehow, she had also kneeled beside him and brought him into another hug. He hides his face on her shoulder, shaking his head, trying to breathe. Breathing. She pets his head, a little bit, and he can feel some more touch, too - little pats on his shoulder and back, all gentle, not crowding him, like he's some sort of wild animal they're trying to calm down.

God, what a mess.

He holds Lily tighter, wanting to hide from the world. She lets him, because it's the kind of person Lily is. He feels himself drift away, for a while, but Lily's still petting his head and he can't lose himself completely. He shakes his head, wanting to fight it, almost wanting to get away from Lily, but he can't escape the gentleness in her embrace. He still can't cry, but he feels his eyes water and burn anyway, and he shakes his head against Lily's shoulder. He just wants this to be over. Please, he's so exhausted.

His breaths even, despite himself, but Andy keeps shaking, and he keeps shaking his head slightly against Lily. He wants this to end, it has- has to be a nightmare…

"Shh, Andy, don't hold it in, it's okay," Lily says, slowly, sadly, and Andy shakes his head more vigorously. No. He can't be weak right now, it's only going to make it last longer. He needs to end it, can't be done with this until Tom has gotten his goodbyes.

It's the least Andy owes him, now that there's nothing else he can do.

So, he speaks up.

"We should go on," he says, suddenly feeling resolute. It's easier to do this if he has something to focus on. He needs to see this through the end, for Tom. If he thinks only about that...

"Are you sure?" Vance asks, hesitant.

Andy nods, forcing his vision to focus. "He needs to rest."

----------

Everyone's speeches go by in a blur. Vance talks about how good Tom's heart was, how he was willing to drop everything to go help a bunch of strangers, how everyone could always count on him. He cries, and he says he's sorry, and the girls put their arms around him, tell him that he did his best. Imogen brings up how kind he was, and Danni talks about his strength. They really loved him, Andy notices, and feels his heart settle just a little bit. He was loved till the end. Of course he was.

Lucas talks about how supportive Tom was, how he was always uplifting everyone around him and would let Lucas babble on about conservation for hours. Lily brings up how much he believed in her and supported her when she was making her videogames. Ava says that Tom was the only one who ever saw her looking up Westchester's history and cults and just… Sat down with her and helped, understanding that she needed this to feel safe, to feel ready, and sharing that burden of getting ready for a disgrace, just a little bit. Andy never knew that Tom had been joining Ava for research. He could've helped with that, too. He could have done a lot of things, if he had paid more attention.

He's left for last, and a part of him wants to be a coward, to stay silent, but that was never his style.

"When Tom had turned into a zombie," he begins, "Redfi- Jane made him hurt me. And I wasn't worried for myself. I was worried for him. I wanted him back, no matter what it took, no matter what happened to me," he begins, not looking at anyone in particular, because he knows most of them already know this story, but he's not going to- he's not going to deny Tom the chance to know how he felt about him, before he rests. It's the least Andy owes him.

So, he takes a deep breath and goes on, pushing himself into saying something that matters.

"Then our friends showed up, and they said that Tom was still there. That I had to reach out to him. So I tried. I talked to him about our childhood. About how much he had been supporting me… How he was my best friend. He was hesitant, but so… Scared. I didn't know what to do. Tom and I always got each other..." He loses himself a little, shaking his head, purging the thoughts that were keeping him from going on, "And then someone said, 'Andy's hurt. H-he needs help'." He loses focus for a second, and that can't happen. He takes a breath, tries to make himself talk. "And just like that… Tom came back.

"He extended his hand to me, and helped me to my feet, and suddenly there was color in his face again, and for a second he wasn't even confused as to what the hell was going on, he just wanted to make sure I was okay. He came back because I needed him. Because he couldn't bear to hurt me. He was always there for me, and I… I don't think I ever needed him more than right now."

He stops a minute, to look at the faces surrounding him. There's a grief in them that looks almost like… Pity.

And Andy isn't even mad about it. He feels pitiful.

"I'm not the best guy with words," he admits, "so I don't know how to express how much this meant to me, or how much Tom meant to me. No one understood me like him. Tom is… Was… No, is a part of me. Maybe the best part of me, because I loved him more than anything else about myself. I'll miss him for the rest of my life." He looks down at Tom's grave, carved out of anything else to say. "I love you, buddy."

It's not the greatest speech that's ever been given, but it's what he can say, and at least he's done it. He'll be able to do better, later. He'll come back to talk to him again. As many times as he can, for as long as he can. He swears on that.

Andy steps back from the grave, and doesn't look as they slowly fill it, covering the closed casket with dirt. He finally allows himself to let the exhaustion catch up with him, and is overcome by that blissful, blissful emptiness.

---------

He's fully expecting himself to drop asleep as soon as they get to Ava's place. They decided to stay there for the night, because Andy still doesn't want to face his mom, to see that same grief in her, for her to want to talk to him, to tell him that everything would be fine. He can't do that, not today. At least Lucas had enough foresight to warn her of where they are, so she should leave him alone for now. Lucas is very reliable in a crisis, Andy thinks, making a note to himself to thank him properly later.

But he can't sleep. He's too exhausted to even rest. And for some reason, even though he doesn't want to talk, that's exactly what he found himself doing for the past few hours. Vomiting up all sorts of memories and thoughts, ranging from funny moments he had with Tom to all of his regrets, and Andy's always been kind of a stress-talker, but it's never been like this. He feels like he's been skinned alive; there's nothing to hold himself together, to hold anything at all in.

He cries all the tears he didn't think he had left in him anymore, and he curses himself, and the guy who left them in the end, and Noah, and the Power, and the cult, and himself again. He scratches his own skin until Lucas gently takes his hands in his, stopping him from doing more of it. And he talks, through all of that. Talks and talks and talks.

The words make him drift through memories, through states of mind, and he knows he's so damn volatile today, it's like he can't anchor himself to a feeling, but his friends put up with him anyway.

Finally, he starts to settle into this sort of… Slowness, like his mind is clear, or maybe blank, even as he keeps on thinking. And he keeps talking through it, letting all the minor regrets have their turn after he's too damn done to keep dealing with the worst parts.

"I never told him I was in love with him," Andy says, staring at the three empty mattresses in front of him, because it's easier than looking at any of his friends, who are currently sitting right beside him, as he babbles on. "I was going to, you know? After R- Jane. I had almost died, so I figured, you know- yolo, and all that. And then I told myself, 'I'll wait until I'm out of the hospital.' And then I started to think… What if he didn't feel the same way? What if things got weird? What if I end up losing him? And I never told him," he looks at his own feet, "and now I lost him anyway."

They all just look at him. They used up all the "I'm sorry, Andy"s left in them a long time ago, he thinks. There's only so many platitudes you can muster up when you know they're worthless, when you're just repeating yourself.

God bless them for trying, though. They're sticking with him through their own- everyone's inadequacy to deal with what's going on. Andy can't thank them enough for that.

"He knew you loved him," Ava says, serious, and Andy frowns at her, doubtful. "He might not have known you were in love with him, but… He knew how much he meant to you. I'm sure of it."

Andy laughs, humorless, "did you finally get those mind reading powers you wanted?" he says. It falls flat, but they pretend it doesn't, for his sake.

Ava rolls her eyes. "Don't be an ass, Kang," she says. "No. I just… I can tell. Anyone can."

Andy bites his lip, looking away.

She presses on, as gently as she can. "Besides, you also know, don't you? Regardless of anything else… Tom loved you, just as much as you loved him."

"I still love him," Andy says, before he can think about it, and a weird kind of shame creeps up on him - for saying it, for not saying it sooner, for realizing that this… It'll probably never go away, even now that it's completely pointless, that it's just proof of his cowardice.

"That's… Normal," Lily says, fiddling a little with her sweater. "You don't forget someone just like that, just because something happened. I mean, look at me and Britney. It took me years to get over her, and even then, I had to have supernatural forces show me exactly who she was, first."

"She didn't deserve you," Ava says.

"Maybe not. It doesn't matter now," Lily says. "The point is… It's okay to still love him."

Andy hugs his knees. "I don't think anything is okay, right now."

"That's okay, too."

They stay in silence for a moment, and then Lucas speaks up. "I know 'it gets better' stories don't really help at times like these," he says, "so I won't tell you that, but… I know what it's like, to feel like nothing will ever be okay, ever be enough. So… At least you're not alone, in that feeling."

Andy's mouth does something. It's not a smile, but it's what it can do right now. "Yeah. At least it's not like last time," he says. "With Jane. We all fell apart, and… It felt really lonely, even though..." He chokes up. "I had Tom."

Lucas rubs at Andy's shoulder sadly, and Andy shakes his head.

"It's just that he didn't get it, you know? And I couldn't tell him, about what happened," he says, instead of thinking about how much worse this is, no matter how many friends he has by his side right now. "So I… Missed you guys." He finishes, ashamed.

"We get it," Ava says, solemn. "And we're sticking with you, this time around."

"Yeah," Lucas agrees.

"Yeah," Lily adds.

"Okay," Andy answers. "I… Thanks."

They hug him tighter. It's all they have to say.

[ccsthemovie2]

(I think it's a word over 500, but:)

"Speaking of Tsukishiro, how's he doing?", Eriol asks. Frying pan to fire to volcano.

"He's good," Touya says quickly, before Sakura can say anything. Yukito is not even in the ballpark of "good". Yesterday he called Touya and begged him to bike over and said it was important and when Touya showed up he was asleep, and stayed fast asleep right through to the next morning. He keeps trying to make appointments with doctors, and then falling asleep before he can call, or, when Touya calls for him, before he can make it out the door. Privately, Touya isn't sure how much good a doctor can do for him, but anything has to be better than this, right?

"Really? I'm glad to hear it." Ugh, how much has Sakura told him. Not that she doesn't have a right to talk to her friends, but, come on, would it kill her to least keep it between her and Tomoyo and the funny looking cat.

He's good, that's an obvious lie. Ruby has said Yukito could barely stand upright at school. Every inch of Touya Kinomoto is packed full of magic. Sooner or later, Eriol figures, either Sakura will be powerful enough to sustain him, or Yue will have to get over himself and just eat already. Touya can't actually do anything with his magic, so it's not like Yue, even weak as he is, will have to face much of a struggle to take it. (Aside from competition with Ruby, of course. There's something to that, right, articles and studies about animals being healthier if they need a bit of careful planning to get their food? Yes, so this works out nicely.)

Or maybe- oh, that's probably it. Yue's on to him, isn't he? He's just being stubborn as usual, figuring sooner or later Clow will appear via Eriol and save him. He can imagine how surprised, overjoyed, grateful Yue would be, if Eriol showed up and saved his life. He can imagine Yue's head resting on his neck as clearly as if he had kept Yue well-fed with magic a thousand times in his lifetime. It would be nice, in the short run, but it wouldn't be right, no. Clow is dead, and Yue needs to learn to live with that. If he knows what's good for him, he will take responsibility for his own life, and if he doesn't...

Ahh, well, maybe it's Clow's old sentimentality, maybe Eriol is just warming up to Sakura's moon guardian all on his own, but he can't bring himself around to the idea of letting Yue just die. He'd save him, if it came down to it. But, he tells himself sternly, only as an absolute last resort. He's just worrying because he misses Yue and wants to get to know him better all at once in that past-and-future way- it's worth a visit, soon. Yes, a nice little visit, and Yue will never even have to know it happened. Just to check in.

(sorry the formatting got weird when i copypasted lol!)

hiiii thanks for the ask!!!

if we talk about this convo we need to back up and talk about how it got here. this should give you some idea of how badly this needs to be under a cut for length lol.

so it all starts with the bit about how someone falling and being caught is something that happens a lot in ccs. how with eriol, it's purposeful, and with fujitaka (and i misremembered it but since found out she fell *on* him and not *caught* by him, which lolol i hope he broke a bone, but also its fine the fic's already marked canon divergent, or maybe the story gets misremembered, whatever, in any case), it's an echo of clowriol's intentional artificial-trustbuild-dangersaves but without the magic or purpose to back it up (just like fujitaka himself!), but it's a situation he quickly makes favorable to him, because it may be a blank slate but it's made of the same material.

this whole convo was part of one of the very first chunks written, but everything was going to go in a very different direction at first. (there's a lot of Cut Content from this fic, some that i just didn't like, some that wasn't connectable with the rest of the fic after it took the shape it took but might pop up somewhere else one day idk). in this particular bit i cut the later half of the conversation because i really didn't like what i'd written, but then even though the direction of the story changed the conversation was still going so it had to bounce somewhere else, so it bounced to yukito. here we are answering your ask 2 paragraphs in!

yukito, iirc in the anime, did catch her from a fall, (in the manga, which made way more sense for why she had to change her clothes and rest so much, he saved her from drowning, again iirc because who can trust a memory) and at a point where eriol still has some investment in making yuekito/sakura (ewwwww) happen, he's going to try and draw on that symbolism to nudge her in that direction, right?

so all this said, SPEAKING of yuekito. how are they doing.

bad, obviously. touya's freaking out. i imagine that part of what's stopping yukito from seeing a doctor is yue, though- he knows it wont help, and i dont think yukito has, like, person insides that will stand up to medical tests, and yue would pick up on yukito like, not wanting to be outed to the doctor as a magic construct because he, like, doesnt actually have a real heart that pulses, just a repeating heartbeat sound. doesn't for real have blood etc to test, just records of blood type (for personality reasons).

and also touya's a very like keep-ur-problems-not-everybodys-business type so hes like imagining sakura venting her fears to this weirdo and getting pissed off. but that didnt actually happen, eriol knew all on his own lolol. touya you have to say something nice should happen to sakura to make up for wrongly suspecting her now

and this bit on eriol's end is all wrong information and inaccurate conclusions and i was really worried ppl would take it at face value but i hope nobody did. in ccs we get moments where eriol wants sakura to take power, or to learn that power can be taken- his final battle with her, for example, where the answer to his light and dark puzzle is to use kero and yue's power, except that's not something she would ever Want to do or would even Occur to her to try. the power is gifted to her by kero and yue (and syaoran!) because they love her.

same concept, here- the answer to the 'yue is dying' puzzle is to eat touya's power, and he can't imagine the real reason why he won't just do that, and when he thinks about it too long it goes right to his ego- yue looovvvvesss clow, and by extension me. he wants meeeeeee to save him. he wants to neck kissy MY magic soo sooooo bad. but yue isn't considering any of that at all. he's thinking about yukito and what touya means to yukito and why that would make yukito hesitate to reach out, and that no way in hell will he just ambush his other self's crush down a dark alley and take his magic, even to save both their lives. he's a lot more selfless than clow and eriol ever realize. maybe- this is just a half formed thought right now, i dont know if im like certain about it, but- maybe they feel his devotion to clow was a form of selfishness, that he Wanted Love as a thing he could hold and own, whereas pretty much everybody else who meets him goes like YOU SELFLESS MAN YOU CANT JUST DIE FOR PPL YOU CARE ABOUT YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOOOO

and there’s also that bit of teacherliness intrinsic to the three of them again: im doing this to teach him a lesson. im letting ruby do her thing without telling her what’s going on to help and encourage yue, etc.

anyway, that (in terms of fic weaving itself into canon) solidifies his decision to do uhmmmm a thing that creeps me out real bad in the anime (knocking yue out to have a moment with him, and oh, ding, there's another 'you fell but i caught you' moment!). eriol loves this manner of hanging out with people, you see it later in this fic, even:

It's important to say what's in your heart to the people you want to say it to, even if you have to make sure the other person never hears it. It's important for your own emotional freedom.

he loves to spend time with people exclusively on his terms, to the point where the other party never even knew he was there, because he knocked them out, or because he was just staring creepily at the outside of sakura's house while she did homework, etc etc etc.

tldr: it's all connected, aaaaaaaaa

[jmnjmnjmn]

Being Friendly | Jikook x Reader

Being Friendly a.k.a. 31 Days To Get Over A Crush

Pairing: Fratboy!Jimin x Sororitygir!Reader x Fratboy!Jungkook

Side: Fratboys!BTS, Sororitygirls!BLACKPINK

Key words: pov, f2l, university life, greek life

Warnings: heavy drinking, lying, jealousy, swearing

Word count: around 16,000

Masterlist

Day 0

(Y/N)’s P.O.V.

“Woah. Hold up.” Jungkook put his hands on my shoulders pushing me away.

As our lips parted I opened my eyes and noticed his horrified expression. I wish I hadn’t. I wish I kept them shut and stayed in that state of bliss for a second longer.

“What?” I looked him in the eyes, scrunching my eyebrows.

“What?” He widened his eyes and shook his head in disbelief. “You just kissed me. That’s what?” I blinked a couple of times trying to understand what he meant.

Yes, I just kissed him. What’s the matter with that?

“So?” I raised my previously knotted eyebrows at him and he just sighed, looking away.

“So?” Shaking his head once again he looked back at me with something of a patronising note in his eyes. “We’re practically siblings, (Y/N).” I felt an invisible hand reach down my throat and grab my heart, threatening to rip it apart.

“What?” I scoffed in shock. “We’re not though.” He chuckled, shaking his head - a motion I was starting to get sick of.

“Still-” He put his hand on my shoulder, shaking it lighty. For the first time in forever his touch made me feel uncomfortable. “-you’re like a sister to me.” The invisible hand tightened its grip on my pounding heart, crushing it irrevocably.

I blinked a couple of times before coughing to clear my throat with hope that it’ll help me mask the fact that I was close to releasing an angry, sorrowful sob.

“You’re right.” I croaked out, giving my head a small shake as I looked away from him - the sight of his face, the one that I loved so dearly right now made me want to vomit. “I’m drunk, I’m sorry. I-”

“It’s fine.” He generously cut off my stutters.

“Yeah.” I sighed, letting my shoulders fall a little lower as Jungkook lifted his hand off me. “I guess I- I-”

“It’s fine.” He interrupted me again as I was trying to come up with some kind of an explanation for myself. “Let’s just forget about it.” The invisible hand turned into a huge paw that slapped me across the face, making both my cheeks turn bright red.

“Yeah, let’s do that.” I said, feeling glad that the sun had set already and the balcony we were standing on was dark enough that he couldn’t see my flushed face.

“God, that gave me chills.” Jungkook chuckled, shaking his shoulders. I looked up at him, getting ready to hit him right across that smug smile. As he noticed my angry expression he raised his hands in an apologetic gesture. “No offense. It’s just so weird even thinking of thinking of you that way.”

“Yeah, shit.” I stepped backwards, leaning on the railing of the tiny, one square meter balcony. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked out onto the buildings surrounding us. How many people out there have been as viciously friendzoned as me tonight? “I guess.” I turned my gaze to my feet and then back up at him. “I’m really drunk.” I added with an apologetic smile. The only way to come out of this situation and still save face was to play along with Jungkook and pretend I was shitfaced beyond the point of understanding.

“I can tell.” He chuckled. My stomach dropped and so did my face. It turned out I didn’t have to act that much to seem shaken up and out of it. Does he know me at all? I looked hazily into the apartment, the party was still in full swing. Why shouldn’t it be? It’s not like anyone knew or even cared what just happened out here.

“I bet I won’t remember any of this tomorrow.” I said and he chuckled again, making a step towards the half open door.

“I won’t remind you.” He said with a silly grin that still made my crushed heart flutter.

“Good.” I pretended to exhale a small laugh as he shook his head and stepped back inside.

-

Day 1

Thank god for the weekend. After the heartbreaking incident of being ruthlessly friendzoned by my long time crush I needed time to blow some steam off before seeing him again in class on Monday.

On Saturday morning I woke up with a raging hangover from the night before and the bitter memory of Jungkook’s lips on mine. I let myself sulk in bed for over an hour before I forced myself to get up and take a hot shower. I got out of the bathroom feeling like a freshly cooked sausage wrapped in a white towel. My skin was soft and reddened from the temperature of the water that’s been running down my tired body for the past fifteen minutes. As I massaged my favourite flowery lotion into my puffed up face someone knocked on my dorm room door.

“Jungkook, let me in!” The person yelled out as I walked to the door. The sound of my friend’s name made me stop in my tracks. “Jungkook, get your ass up and let me in! Come on!” The pounding on the door grew louder and more frequent with each second.

I twisted the key in the lock and opened the door, not knowing what to expect. Outside I saw an unknown guy, probably close to Jungkook and I in age. He was a little shorter than him, but just as lean and good looking. His light brown hair was down, covering most of his forehead. He was wearing gym clothes and had a big exercise bag draped over his shoulder.

“Finally, I-” His happy expression turned into a surprised one as soon as he laid his eyes on me. Within a second he managed to look my whole figure up and down and as our eyes locked once again he smiled brightly. It wasn’t the same friendly smile though, this time it was an embarrassed one. “Ah, I’m sorry.” He giggled as a light blush spread across his face. It took me another second to realise the cause for his reaction was that I opened the door dressed in nothing but a towel.

If there was one thing dorm living has taught me it was to stop caring so much about what others thought of me. People constantly roamed the halls of my building in pajamas and yesterday’s makeup so I didn’t see anything wrong with opening the door in a mere towel?

“Is- uh- is Jungkook in?” He stuttered out, running his hand through his hair and obviously trying to look everywhere but at me. He must have assumed I was Jungkook’s girl for the night and honestly I still kind of wished I was… 

“Next door.” I muttered and he finally looked at me, wide eyed.

“W-what?” He stammered. I had to admit the sight was amusing.

“He lives next door. This is 201, he’s at 203.” I explained and a look of realisation came over his face as he read the number on my door.

“Ah, right. Sorry.” He chuckled nervously and ran his hand through his hair one more time.

“It’s fine.” I said smiling lightly. He apologised once again and thanked me for the directions before walking away with the cutest look of embarrassment I have ever seen. As I closed the door and went back to drowning myself in lotion and sorrow I heard him call out Jungkook’s name once again as he knocked on his dorm room’s door.

Jungkook and I had many mutual friends simply from the fact that we lived in the same building, on the same floor, next door to each other. Often when we went out with our own groups we still somehow managed to run into one another somewhere throughout the night. Usually whenever that happened we would stick together until the latest of hours and walk back to our campus building together. Jungkook and I, together… I shook my head to snap myself out of the painful daydream and plopped down onto my unmade bed. Why was I still imagining myself with him when he  was so quick to friendzone me last night?

“Siblings.” I scoffed. “What the hell was he even thinking? What was I thinking?” I wondered in confusion.

We’ve known each other for years, it wasn’t weird of me to develop a crush on the boy after some time. We went to the same primary, middle school, high school and now university. I never even thought of him in a romantic or sexual way until he joined the football team at the beginning of the year. I shook my head again, because my mind was already taking me back to the memory of seeing him play for the first time. I turned on my back and sighed deeply.

“Forget it.” I whispered to myself, knowing well that I won’t be able to do that. At least not yet. Running my hand over the soft linens it seemed as if they were calling my name. I closed my eyes ready to drift back into sleep when I actually heard my name being called. I got up on my knees on the bed and leaned on the windowsill, peaking my head slightly out the open window.

“Her name’s (Y/N).” I heard Jungkook’s groggy voice through his cracked window.

“She’s cute.” I recognised the voice of the sandy haired guy who knocked on my door earlier. “Can you give me her number?” As I heard him ask that question I forgot all about my stupid crush on Jungkook for a moment and smiled, looking out the window onto the campus grounds.

“You know she tried to kiss me last night?” My stomach dropped at the sound of Jungkook’s words. I immediately closed the window and reached for my phone. I opened up Spotify and played my Daily Mix on the highest setting. Right as the soothing sounds of Crush’s new single filled my ears I started dressing up.

All I yearned for was the comfort of my grey sweatpants, but I knew that if I were to walk out this door in them I would feel like shit for the rest of the day and do nothing of substance. I cursed under my breath before reaching for a pair of jean shorts and a red tank top. I threw on my favourite hoop earrings and a pair of Nike sneakers. Looking at myself in the mirror that hung on the inside of my wardrobe’s door I nodded in satisfaction. Putting on nice clothes made me feel a bit more motivated to do something other than sulk over being so harshly rejected last night. I pulled out my phone to text my girlfriends to go out for a late breakfast. Right as the screen lit up an unwanted notification appeared at the top of it.

10:47 [Jungkook] can u turn it down pls? im hungover as fuck rt now

I decided upon leaving the text unopened and proceeded with getting ready. I sat down at my desk and started putting my makeup on. With each stroke of a brush, each pat of a beauty blender I felt myself become more and more agitated. He was texting me while dishing to this random guy about how I threw myself at him last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about it all. Me kissing him, him pushing me away, me being blind enough to assume he would feel something as well… I wasn’t drunk. I drank that night, but then I was barely tipsy. I knew what I was doing when I leaned in and kissed him. Fortunately for me he didn’t know that.

I threw my bag over my shoulder and walked out my door shutting it loudly behind myself. Strutting down the corridor of the dorm I decided to reforge all my sadness, embarrassment and anger into something positive. I haven’t told anyone about what happened last night so it was still possible for me to play the ‘too drunk to remember’ front. I texted my girl squad to meet up and put a pair of dark sunglasses on my nose as I walked out of the building into the blinding sunlight.

My best friend Lisa was the first one to arrive at the restaurant I chose for our late breakfast. As she walked my way I knew she knew something was up with me.

“What’s wrong?” She asked sitting down next to me. “And don’t even try to say ‘nothing’.” I sighed, leaning back in my chair. Lisa was the only one I told about my crush on Jungkook in the first place so why not tell her about my failed attempt to make it work with him… Right?

“I kissed Jungkook last night.” I said bluntly and she lapped my arm, gasping.

“No.” She whisper-yelled, leaning towards me. “How was it?” I couldn’t help, but smile a little at her excitement.

“He pushed me away and said we’re practically like siblings.” I whined, remembering his hurtful words. Lisa gasped once again, but this time instead of hitting my arm she rubbed it comfortingly.

“Oh, no. I’m so sorry.” I rested my head on her shoulder and breathed out heavily. Lisa wrapped her arms around me in a warm hug. “It’ll be alright. I know tons of guys that would kill to get kissed by you.”

“I wanted him though.” I whined sitting up straight.

“I know.” She grabbed my hands in hers and smiled brightly. “But hey, there might be something good coming out of this whole situation.” I leaned my head to the side, eyes full of doubt.

“Like?”

“Well, you never moved into the Alpha Psi house even though you’re a sister, because you wanted to be close to your stupid crush. Right?” I looked away, feeling a blush of embarrassment creep onto my cheeks. “And now that he so viciously friendzoned you what’s left keeping you in that disgusting dorm?” I looked back at her with understanding.

“You’re right.” I nodded slowly. “This is actually perfect.” Lisa’s smile grew wider along with the levels of my excitement. “Fuck him, fuck the dorms. I’m moving to Alpha Psi.”

“This is perfect!” Lisa exclaimed, crushing my palms in hers.

“What is?” Both our heads snapped up to see Jennie and Rose, walking up to our table.

“You better sit down before I tell you.” Lisa warned the two girls and they followed her order with intrigued looks on their faces. “(Y/N)’s finally moving in!”

-

Day 3

I looked around the lecture hall in search of an empty seat. As I scanned the room I noticed a hand waving at me to come over. Focusing my gaze on the person I recognised Jungkook. Walking towards him I ordered myself to stay calm and pretend nothing happened.

“Hey.” I breathed out sitting down beside him.

“Hey, where have you been?” He asked, turning in his seat slightly. “I haven’t seen you all weekend.” The fact that he noticed my absence at the dorms made me feel warm inside, but I quickly waved the feeling off remembering how shit I felt on Friday, all thanks to his smug face.

“Oh, I was at the Alpha Psi house.” I said casually, pretending I didn’t just notice him raising his eyebrows at me suggestively at the mention of my sorority.

“How are your sisters by the way?” He asked, scratching his chin with a dreamy smile on his face.

“Great.” I set my bag on the ground in front of me with a loud thud. “I finally decided to move in with them.”

“Hm, a perfect reason for me to come visit.” He chuckled and I rolled my eyes. How did I manage to develop a crush on this guy? He clearly has only one thing on his mind… 

“No luck, Jungkook.” I shot him down. “No boys allowed in the house.” He groaned tiredly and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the professor's commanding voice asking everyone to take their seats.

The old man announced that starting today and until the end of the spring-summer semester in four weeks we will be working on a  project regarding whatever he was teaching. Since I always sat with Jungkook in his classes I ended up never really listening to what he was saying which led me to being totally clueless when he started reading out the topics of individual projects he’ll assign to us.

“Wanna do this together?” Jungkook nudged my side right as the professor said we’ll be working in pairs.

I looked at him with my mouth slightly open, not knowing what to say. Of course I want to do this together! But at the same time the proximity of our bodies was making me sick… 

“I guess-” My answer was cut short as the professor started reading out individual students' names assigning them to specific topics.

“Shit.” Jungkook groaned leaning back in his seat and I smiled lightly, knowing that for now I was saved.

“(Y/Full/N) and Park Jimin.” 

“Ah, really?” Jungkook scoffed. I looked at him, crossing his arms in his seat with an annoyed expression.

“What?” I asked writing down in my phone the name of the boy I had no idea was in this class with me.

“That’s my friend.” He explained and turned towards me with a grin growing across his face. “Switch with me.” I rested my back in my chair weighing the options in my head.

“Who do you have?”

“I don’t know yet.” He shrugged.

“Jeon Jungkook and Kim Taehyung." The professor read out.

“Forget about it.” He shot me down before I could say a word. Taehyung was one of the best students in the class and working with him would definitely earn Jungkook a good grade for the end of the semester.

-

Day 5

Since Jimin was absent during the lecture the professor assigned the project’s topics I asked Jungkook for his number so I could message him about it. I finally got around to doing it on Wednesday afternoon. I was sitting at a cafe on campus looking through the menu when he texted me back with a proposition to meet up in person. For some reason I felt reluctant towards meeting up with one of Jungkook’s friends. What if he told them about my little kissing escapade? I sighed typing back an ‘okay’ and asking him if he could see me right now, knowing the project won’t just do itself.

17:42 [(Y/N)] im at the cafe in building 23

17:43 [Park Jimin] omw

By the time six rolled up the cafe practically emptied. I sat at a table with two small benches on its sides stirring my iced smoothie with the paper straw. I glided my finger across the laminated menu wondering whether to order now or keep waiting for Jimin, fortunately I didn’t have to wonder for much longer.

“Hey.” My head snapped up as a light brown haired guy sat down across from me. He smiled sweetly, going over my figure shamelessly before looking me right in the eyes. “It’s you.”

“Hey.” I said returning his smile without hesitation. His face looked somewhat familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on why.

“I liked your other outfit better.” He said gesturing to my white flax shirt that I half-tucked to my jean shorts. I raised my eyebrows unsure of what he meant. He grinned, running his hand through his hair slightly embarrassed. “I- uh- the- the towel.”

“Oh, you.” I exclaimed in realisation. “Hi.” He nodded, still smiling. As he moved his head his multiple earrings shined in the cafe’s dim lighting.

“Jimin.” He reached his hand across the table and I took it shaking it lightly.

“(Y/N).” I said holding up a smile despite coming to one more, this time shocking, realisation. This boy was the one Jungkook told about the stupid ‘drunken’ kiss and god knows what else.

“I know.” Jimin released my hand from his with the same sincere smile that seemed more like a devilish grin in my now close to paranoid state. I raised my eyebrows once again, though I already had an idea regarding where he heard about me. Jimin leaned back in his seat, no longer embarrassed. “Your reputation precedes you.”

“Excuse me?” I scrunched my eyebrows somehow feeling that my reputation wasn’t anywhere close to squeaky. “What do you mean by that?” Jimin smirked, scratching his chin.

“You’re a known party girl and…” He made a pause to look away for a second and poke the inside of his cheek with his tongue. When we finally locked eyes again he was grinning cheekily. “Boys talk.”

“Yeah.” I scoffed leaning back on my bench and knotting my arms across my chest. “That I know they do.”

“Mhm.” Jimin hummed and took one of the laminated menus from the table. He scanned the page over casually before speaking up again. “You’re the topic of the day at least once a week.” He said, still reading the menu.

“Amongst?” I squinted at him slightly, wondering about the crowd on which’s lips I am on so often. He glanced up at me quickly before tossing the menu back on the table with that same satisfied smirk plastered across his handsome face.

“My football team for starters.” He put his hands between his legs leaning forward, making his chest touch the edge of the table.

“You play football?” His face expression changed from something along the lines of ‘i know something you don’t know’ to something more… Cocky.

“Yeah.” He leaned back again, resting his back on the wooden bench, his chin elevated slightly. ”With Jungkook.” I nodded slowly, scanning his face with my piercing gaze.

“Huh, I guess I never noticed you.” He appeared to have visibly shrunk for a moment at the sound of my words. Quickly he recollected himself, going back to the confident smile that - I have to admit - fit him perfectly.

“You will from now on then.” He said, cocking his eyebrow at me and I couldn’t stop myself from exhaling a weak chuckle.

“Hopefully for all the right reasons.” I said relaxing my shoulders. There was no reason - other than Jimin possibly knowing everything about my ‘drunken’ mistake from the other night - for me to feel uncomfortable or inferior to him. I decided to keep my front up and pretend, just as much in front of myself as in front of him, that I don’t remember anything that happened last Friday night. “Let’s get started on this hell of a project.”

“Before we do-” He cut me off, putting his arm on the back of the bench he was sitting on. “-I have a question.” I raised my eyebrows at him, taking a long sip from my smoothie. “You’re an Alpha Psi, right?” I smiled leaning back in my seat.

“Mhm.” I simply hummed in answer to his question. Party girl, Jungkook’s friend, sorority sister. What else did he know me as?

“It’s really a miracle we haven’t met before.” He smiled, shaking his head. “I’m in Theta Sigma Phi. Rush Chair.” I widened my eyes at him as he described his position.

“It is a miracle.” My interest in his person grew as I tried to go over all the boys I knew from his fraternity in my head. “I thought I knew all the exec boys from your frat.”

“Must have slipped your mind.” He smiled at me from across the table.

“Must have.” I said, looking into his dark brown eyes. “I just rushed this year so I’m still a baby.” I chuckled lightly.

“Not that much of a baby, Miss Treasurer.” He smiled at me showing his perfect white teeth. He either did his homework before coming to meet me or I was that loud of a bitch that everyone knew who I was and what I did way before I even met them. Either way the fact he knew this much about me when I knew nothing about him made me feel both a little unsettled and excitedly curious. “Rumor has it you’re after the Vice President chair.” My eyes involuntarily turned into small slits as I heard the words ‘vice president’. He noticed the change in my expression and laughed loudly. “They say you’re ambitious.”

“Who says?” I didn’t even try to sound casual as I asked him, reaching for my drink. His smile turned into a cocky grin as he stretched in his seat.

“Jungkook.” I rolled my eyes at the name.

“Of course.” I scoffed. “That boy can’t keep his mouth shut. Say one thing once…” I took a big sip of my icy beverage, trying to calm my nerves.

“Also Jisoo says she wants you as her Vice Prez when she takes over next year.” I choked on the ice as he said the name of the current Vice President of my sorority. “You okay?” Jimin laughed at my reaction.

“When did you talk to Jisoo?” I asked when I finally caught my breath again.

“Uh, sometime over the weekend.” He scratched his head in wonder. “Sunny’s graduating this year and-”

“I know how it works.” I interrupted him angered that he knew so much about my sorority.

“I never said you didn’t.” He raised his hands in an apologetic motion.

“Let’s get on with this project.” I sighed putting my empty glass down and Jimin stood up. I raised my eyebrows looking up at him. “Where are you going?”

“What, you wanted to work here?” He asked, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. I nodded and he shook his head smiling again. “No way, we’re going to your house.”

“Uh, no way.” I looked at him with a satisfied grin, still sitting down. “Alpha Psi does-”

“Doesn’t allow boys inside the house.” He finished my sentence in a joking tone. “I know. I hoped I could trick you.” He chuckled innocently. “Come on, we’ll do this at my house.”

-

Day 6

Jimin’s P.O.V.

“Should we take a break?” I asked, laying my upper body over the table in my fraternity’s chapter room.

(Y/N) looked over at me from across the table, her face resting in the palms of her hands. The way her body was positioned made her top scrunch up slightly over her chest showing off a bit more cleavage she might have wanted it to. I couldn’t help but imagine her in that skimpy towel I saw her in the first time we met.

“Yes.” She finally breathed out, letting her arms fall on the counter. She quickly straightened up and stretched her hands over her head, bringin the tops material back in its place. “I should go home.”

Looking at the clock I realised it was already ten minutes after midnight. We met to work on our sociology project around six in the afternoon, but spent more than half of the time bonding over our experiences being part of the greek life only starting to gather information and brainstorm about our designated topic about an hour ago.

“I’ll walk you.” I offered standing up from the table as she packed up her belongings.

“I live down the street. There’s no need.” I stretched my arms, nodding slowly.

“If you say so.” I walked her to the door and frowned as the night’s cold wind came through it when I held it open for her. “Wait a second.” I said shutting the door closed.

“What?” She asked behind my back as I was already jumping up the stairs to get to my bedroom.

I rummaged through my closet searching for a clean sweatshirt, preferably one with my name on the back of it. 

“You’re in deep, Jimin.” I chuckled at my own possessiveness. “Coming!” I yelled as I finally found the piece of clothing I was looking for. Skipping down the stairs I pulled a grey hoodie over my head and as I approached (Y/N), waiting for me by the door, I handed her a navy zip-up. “Here. It’s cold.” She took the sweatshirt and zipped it all the way up without a word. “I’ll walk you.”

“Jimin, I literally-” I cut her off breathing out a hiss.

“I’m walking you.” I repeated myself and she just smiled pushing the heavy oak door open. I held the door for her, staying behind to take a look at my masterpiece - ‘Park’ written in golden lettering over her shoulders.

-

Day 8

Jungkook’s P.O.V.

I was stretching by the coach’s bench before the big game when I noticed her, sitting in the bleachers, fourth or fifth row. She was smiling, talking to a brown haired girl to her right, looking down at her phone.

“(Y/N)!” I called out straightening up. Her head instantly shot up, looking around. I waved and called her name again. Finally her friend pointed her towards me and our eyes met. I gestured for her to come down and rested my elbows on the railing separating the field from the bleachers, waiting as she skipped down the steps with a smile on her face. “What are you doing here?” I asked, leaving out unnecessary greetings and pleasantries.

“Cheering for my university’s team.” She answered resting her palms on each side of my arms. I looked down with a smirk before straightening up and crossing my arms over my chest.

“You mean for me?” I asked and she raised her eyebrow at my teasing comment.

“You wish.” She spat back with a smile. I already opened my mouth to let her know I have to go join my team as the game was about to start when something unexpected happened.

My teammate Jimin came out from the door under the bleachers, he must have just left the locker room. I nodded his way as a sign I’ll be joining him on the field in a minute and he nodded back before quickly averting his eyes from me to (Y/N).  Now, I’m no expert, but his eyes changed when he looked at her. It felt borderline inappropriate. My smile faded as he made his way towards the two of us, eying (Y/N) from head to toe, instead of walking towards the main entrance to the football field. He pushed on the small gate in the railing opening it to walk onto the green grass.

“Hey, (Y/N).” He said walking past her with a cocky smile I knew so well from the many times we went out to bars together to pick up girls.

“Hey.” She smiled back and I swear I never saw her look at anyone like that. I followed Jimin with my gaze as he started jogging to the rest of the team. “Good luck.” My head snapped back to (Y/N) as she smiled at me before walking away to join her friend in the bleachers. With a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach I jogged towards my team. 

“What was that?” I asked standing next to Jimin. He was warming up with some high kicks, but switched to stretching his shoulders when I came over.

“What?” He asked, confusion on his face. I shook my head and also started stretching.

“Why are you talking to (Y/N)?” I asked him bluntly.

“We’re…” He stopped to think of the right word, but when he finally spoke again I wished he hadn’t. “Friendly.” He smiled brightly showing his teeth.

“Friendly?” I scoffed and stopped stretching to rest my hands on my hips. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“What do you mean?” Jimin asked, scrunching his eyebrows as he reached both his hands behind his back to stretch his chest. “We’re doing a project for sociology together.”

“She’s off limits.” I said through gritted teeth, not even looking at him, not caring that the reason behind their ‘friendliness’ might be as simple as them doing a project together.

“What?” He gasped with a chuckle that made my blood come close to boiling. “Since when?”

“Since always.” I finally looked at him again. He had his hands on his hips, mirroring my movements so I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to become visibly bigger. For some reason I wanted to look intimidating right now.

“Boys, positions!” Our coach called out cutting our altercation short.

I jogged towards my spot on the field. As I leaned forward resting my hands on my knees I looked to my left at the bleachers. From this distance I was unable to find (Y/N) in the crowd. I glanced to my right and saw Jimin staring forward, this time nothing but will to win in his eyes.

-

“(Y/N)’s off limits.” I breathed out jogging next to Jimin towards the opposing team's side of the field. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, her and their meaningful stares. It felt wrong. It felt disgusting. Jimin and her… Over my dead body.

“What?” He panted, glancing at me confused. “You’re still talking about this?”

“She’s practically my sister.” I said looking down at him. Jimin chuckled, his eyes focused on the black and white ball in the distance.

“She’s not though.” He said in a suggestive tone.

“Yeah, well I don’t want you being ‘friendly’ with her anymore.” I hissed, running a little faster to increase the distance between us.

“Oh, fuck off.” I heard him call from behind me. “I’ll be ‘friendly’ as much as I want.” He said catching up to me. “And for the record.” He glanced at me over his shoulder as he ran in front of me now. “I’m not the only one acting ‘friendly’.” He chuckled with a grin and I almost tripped over my own feet.

”What did you just say?” I asked and he chuckled again, turning to face me and jogging backwards for a moment.

“You heard me.” He said, cocking his eyebrow. As he turned forward again I picked up my pace and ran by him hitting him with my shoulder hard enough to make him stumble and almost fall to the ground.

(Y/N)’s P.O.V.

“I thought you said they were good.” Lisa whined in the seat next to me. I sighed looking at the scoreboard, our university’s team was far behind its rivals and the second half of the game has already started.

“That’s what Jungkook always told me.” I looked around the field looking for my friend and noticed him jogging along the white ‘out’ line. “Jimin said they were in top shape just yesterday.” I added noticing the guy next to him was Jimin himself. “I don’t understand why they’re playing so shit all of a sudden.” I whined, keeping my eyes peeled to the two of them. 

Jungkook picked up his pace leaving Jimin behind, but he quickly joined him by his side. After a couple of seconds he went in front of him, even from this far I could make out his smile. He turned to Jungkook jogging backwards for a moment before facing the right direction again. Then the other one matched his speed and ran over to him hitting him with his shoulder so hard he almost fell to the ground. I gasped.

“What’s going on there?” Lisa asked, straightening up in her seat.

“I don’t know, but it doesn’t look good.” I said, stretching my neck as far as I could to see more of what was going on on the field.

“Oh, shit.” Lisa hissed as Jimin ran over to Jungkook again. The taller one turned around and pushed him away harshly. “They’re gonna fight.” She said with both excitement and anxiety lining her words.

Fortunately the fight ended right where it started. Jungkook pushed Jimin once again earning himself a yellow card before the coach ran over and separated the two. Jimin kept his cool and walked off to the rest of his teammates shaking his head. 

“This is just sad.” I sighed after the next fifteen minutes passed. Looking at my phone I realised there’s still about twenty minutes until the end of the game, but I didn’t really want to stay any longer.

“Should we go?” Lisa looked at me with begging eyes.

“I kind of want to, but I don’t want to be a dick to Jimin or Jungkook.” I answered her truthfully.

“It’s not like you told them you’re here to support any of them or they invited you or something.” I looked at her with a weak smile as she spoke. She was right. It’s not likeI was here for any of them… Right?

“Alright.” I sighed and grabbed my bag from the floor. “They won’t win anyway. Let’s go.” We stood up and squeezed through the crowded bleachers.

-

Day 10

Walking to my morning Philosophy class I felt more than happy that I decided to move to the Alpha Psi house. It was located in the Fraternity-Sorority Row that was way closer than my dorm to most of the buildings I had my classes in this semester. Walking by the Theta Sigma Phi house - Jimin’s house - I noticed a familiar car.

“Jungkook?” I asked stopping by the vehicle. The buy peeked his head from behind the car, holding a carton box in his arms. “What are you doing here?” He shut the trunk loudly leaving my question unanswered.” What’s going on?” I asked again, not letting him go without getting an answer.

“I’m moving.” He said simply, locking his car.

“Here?” I pointed my head towards the frat house and he just hummed in agreement. “I didn’t know you were rushing.” I said, beginning to feel uncomfortable in his presence.

“We keep our rush procedures a secret, (Y/N).” My head snapped from Jungkook’s intimidating figure back towards the house.

“Jimin.” I said greeting him with a smile as he approached the two of us. “Congratulations. You got a real good brother on your hands.” I tried to sound as sweet and sincere as I could, unwittingly referring back to the time Jungkook said we were like siblings. “How fun. We’ll be neighbours again.”

“Yeah.” Jungkook answered in a dead tone.

“You need any help?” I asked after a moment, not sure whether I wanted him to agree.

“No.” He shut me down quickly.

“You got my hoodie?” Jimin asked, breaking the awkward silence that settled between Jungkook and I.

“Oh, no.” I whined cutely. “I left it home. I can bring it by after classes if you need it.”

“No need.” He waved me off and I started wondering why he even brought the topic up in the first place. “It looks better on you anyway.” I smiled at his compliment before looking down at my phone and realising the time.

“I have to run.” I sighed, putting my hands in the pockets of my jean shorts. “But if you need anything you know where to find me.” I smiled at him and then averted my eyes at Jungkook who stood in front of me with  the most serious expression. “Both of you.”

Jimin’s P.O.V.

I shamelessly checked (Y/N)’s ass out as she walked away, her jean shorts hugging her hips just perfectly.

“Keep it in your pants.” Jungkook scoffed as he turned to walk towards the house.

“Really?” I asked, still standing on the sidewalk. “Really?” I repeated myself, but he kept walking. “I can’t believe you’re still mad about me hanging out with her.” I called out after him. “She’s not your sister, Jungkook.” He walked inside, shutting the door behind himself loudly.

I sighed unsure of what I should do. Jungkook was my friend and now my frat brother as well, but there were no rules in the guy’s code of honour when it came to  girls your friend felt were like his sister, but really weren’t. There were rules about sisters and other relatives, exes, crushes, but nothing about, well, (Y/N). I already told Jungkook that I had my eye out for her when we first met in their dorm building and he didn’t seem to have any objections then.

“For fuck’s sake.” I sighed as I pulled my phone out of my pocket.

9:59 [Jimin] project tonight?

10:03 [(Y/N)] can’t. chapter meeting.

10:03 [(Y/N)] tomorrow?

10:04 [Jimin] k. ur house

10:06 [(Y/N)] don’t even start

10:06 [(Y/N)] ill b at urs round 5

10:08 [Jimin] i have football til 7

I debated for a moment before sending the next message.

10:10 [Jimin] pick me up from practice? ;)

10:11 [(Y/N)] c u there :*

I exhaled loudly as I read (Y/N)’s answer, making a mental note to myself to work extra hard in practice tomorrow in case she decided to show up earlier.

-

Day 11

(Y/N)’s P.O.V.

I scrolled through my Instagram feed mindlessly as I walked towards the football field. It was already five minutes past seven when I finally made it to my destination. Looking around the vast space I didn’t see any players. I pulled my phone out to text Jimin.

19:05 [(Y/N)] im here

“Hey.” Looking up from my phone I saw Jungkook walking my way with his exercise bag over his shoulder.

“Shit.” I hissed under my breath, totally forgetting Jimin and he were on the same football team. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him, well… Maybe a little. He was so weird the last time I saw him and my heart was still fragile from him rejecting my kiss.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, stopping just a step away from me. “Came to see me?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I rolled my eyes at his teasing.

Before I could open my mouth to shoot him some kind of a comeback I heard my name being called from behind his back. He stiffened looking over his shoulder, noticing Jimin walking our way with a bright smile.

“Hey.” I greeted him as he stopped next to Jungkook, the height difference more visible than ever before.

“Hope you didn’t wait long.” He said in a chipper tone, adjusting the hold on his bag.

“I just got here.” I said, reciprocating the smile.

“Let’s go.” Jimin ordered and we both started walking, leaving Jungkook a step behind us. He quickly matched our pace, walking on my right hand side, Jimin on my left.

“Oh, I didn’t notice your text.” Jimin said in an apologetic tone as he scrolled through his notifications. Jungkook raised his eyebrow at me questioningly, but I decided to ignore him. “Honestly, I was hoping you’d come a little early.”

“Why?” Jungkook and I asked in unison, making Jimin chuckle.

“‘Cause.” He averted his gaze to his feet before glancing back at me. “I wanted you to see me play.”

“I just saw you last week. You were pretty bad.” I shot back, giggling lightly.

“Touche.” He scoffed, jokingly shoving my shoulder with his. “We’re playing again at the end of the month.” He stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his sweatshirt. “I’ll make sure to play extra well if you decide to show up.” 

“I’ll think about it.” I teased him, looking away.

“I have something to do at the dorms.” Jungkook muttered before taking a sharp turn right and walking away without any further explanations.

“Uh- Bye.” I called out looking at his back. “What’s with him?” I asked Jimin as we kept walking towards the Fraternity-Sorority Row.

“You tell me.” He shrugged. “We’re not really on talking terms right now.”

“What happened?” I asked, truthfully concerned.

“I don’t know.” He sighed, clearly not wanting to elaborate much on the topic and I didn’t dig further.

Jimin’s P.O.V.

I was ready for us to sit down and relax while pretending we’re doing research, but when (Y/N) pulled out her laptop and started spewing questions at me I knew that was not going to be the case. We ended up almost finishing our Sociology project that night, only thing left was to send out our survey and go through the results in a couple of days.

“Can’t we just forge it?” I asked, rubbing my tired eyes.

“What?” She frowned, scrolling through something on her computer. She was sitting on the couch opposite to me, her hair tied in a messy ponytail at the top of her head. She looked so pretty.

“The results.” I explained, keeping my eyes glued to her chest rising up and falling down rhythmically.

“But then we’ll be done and I won’t have a reason to hang out with you anymore.” She whined sweetly and I chuckled, taken aback by her cheeky answer. I leaned my back against the comfortable couch now looking at her face, her eyes still focused on the screen instead of me. I couldn’t help, but feel jealous.

“Come over whenever.” I said in a low voice. “No reason needed.” 

“I just might.” She smiled, typing something on the keyboard. “Alright.” She slapped her laptop closed. “I’m going home.”

“Already?” I straightened up in my seat.

“It’s close to ten.” She stated, packing up her things.

“Is it?” I asked more myself than her, not realising how fast the time went by. I followed her to the door and held it open for her. “I’ll see you soon, huh?” She hummed in agreement, but stopped mid step as she was walking through the doorway.

“Are you going to the party at Tri Kappa on Friday?” “I am if you are.” I thought to myself and nodded at her in answer. 

“And you?” I asked, trying my hardest to play it cool.

“‘Course.” She said sweetly as she smiled over her shoulder, walking away. “See you, Jimin.”

“See you.” I said, closing the door behind her.

-

Day 14

Stumbling through the crowded room I felt like throwing up. I definitely drank too much tonight. I walked towards the open door and finally stepped outside onto the open air. The loud music made my ears ring so I shook my head to get rid of the sound. Bad idea. I lost my balance and leaned on the wall beside me. When I finally looked up and scanned my surroundings all I saw was just more drunk people. People on the back porch, people in the pool, people on the lawn. Dancing, drinking, talking.

I inhaled deeply as a flowery smell filled my nostrils. Blinking excessively to make my eyes focus better I looked around for the source of the sweet scent. It didn’t take long since I knew exactly what, or rather who, I was looking for.

“(Y/N)!” I called out, looking at her bare back as she just passed by me with one of her girlfriends draped on her arm. “Hey, girl.” I said grinning as she looked over her shoulder.

When our eyes locked she reciprocated the smile, quickly whispering something to her friend before she walked off. I felt my brain fighting against the alcohol and telling me to act sober as she turned to face me and stepped closer to hug me ‘hello’.

“Hi.” She called elongating the word so it lasted throughout the entirety of your hug.

She lifted her hand off my shoulder slowly, making sure to run it down my bicep briefly. When we were no longer touching I felt intoxicated in a totally different way than I did a moment earlier. Her skin… It was just too much for me to handle in the drunken state I was in.

“Come here often?” She laughed at my  stupid pick-up line and my smile grew wider as she flipped her hair over her shoulder.

“Only when you’re around.” She answered cheekily.

“Smooth.” I nodded at her quick response and had to stop myself from turning into a giggly, blushing mess when she shoved my arm jokingly. “You want something to drink?” She barely started lifting her hand in which I noticed she held a half empty cup of something when I heard my name being called.

“Jimin!” I looked over (Y/N)’s shoulder onto the crowded garden and saw my friend and frat Vice Prez Namjoon, drunk out of his mind, gesturing for me to come over. “Beer pong!” He yelled towards me. We had this unwritten rule among our frat brothers that whenever one of us called another one to play a drinking game, especially Beer Pong, the other one just had to join. He just had to. “Now!” I sighed, letting my shoulders sink as I wanted to stay and talk to (Y/N) just a little bit longer.

“I have to go.” I whined sadly. “I wish I didn’t though.” I said in a low voice, gliding my hand over (Y/N)’s waist as I walked by her. She grabbed my forearm with her soft palm and my head snapped back to her ignoring Namjoon’s voice in the background.

“I wanna play too.” She said smiling sweetly. I muttered a soft ‘okay’ and grabbed her hand to guide her through the mass of sweaty people.

“Boys vs. girls.” I stated as we got to the ping-pong table. “Fuck off.” I growled at the two strangers standing on the side of the table opposite Namjoon's.

“Who do we have here?” He asked walking up to (Y/N) and I.

“Namjoon, meet (Y/N).” I introduced her, bringing my arm around her shoulders. “Next year’s Alpha Psi’s Vice Prez.” 

“Don’t jinx it.” She nudged my side teasingly.

“Nice to meet you, (Y/N).” Namjoon smiled. “You got someone to be on your team?”

“She does.” Someone said and before I knew it (Y/N) slipped from under my arm and into her friends hug. “Lisa.” The girl introduced herself briefly with a cocky smile.

“Alright, let’s get it.” I said, rubbing my hands together.

“House rules: If you don’t drink you do a dare.” Namjoon said, smirking as we took our positions on opposite ends of the table.

“Of what kind?” Lisa asked, stretching her arms in front of her.

“Winner’s choice.” He answered her, picking up the white plastic ball.

-

Day 15

(Y/N) and Lisa were surprisingly good at the game. They were knocking out our cups one by one and spitting dares left and right. When we managed to shoot our ball into one of their cups they drank it without hesitation, not even wanting to hear our stupid dares.

“Yeah!” I exclaimed as my shot made it into one of their many plastic cups.

“Dare! Dare! Dare!” Namjoon called out repeatedly and I just raised my eyebrows at (Y/N) standing with her arms across her chest on the other end of the table.

“Fine.” Lisa chuckled and Namjoon cheered drunkenly.

“I dare you to take a shot of (Y/N)’s stomach.” He blurted out and she rolled her eyes at him with a laugh.

“Get on here.” She asked her pointing to the table.

I gulped loudly as (Y/N) layed down on the wobbly table, lifting up her shirt to reveal her stomach. Lisa placed a half full shot glass over her belly button as (Y/N) put a quarter of a lime between her lips. Lisa leaned over her friend’s stomach grabbing the glass with her lips and jerked her head backwards swallowing the contents of it in one, swift go. Later she grabbed the glass with her hand and put her other palm on the back of (Y/N)’s head as she lifted herself up on her elbows, still lying on the table. As their faces inched closer Lisa bit on the lime (Y/N) was holding between her teeth as a chaser.

“That was hot.” I muttered and Namjoon hit my back with his open palm laughing.

“Our turn.” (Y/N) exclaimed, tucking her shirt back into the front of her short skirt.

“Uh, house rules.” Namjoon cut her off with an evil smile. “Winner’s get a second turn after you take the dare.” 

“This isn’t even your house.” She protested, chuckling.

“Yeah, well I started the game so… My rules.” He explained himself poorly and shot his shot. “Fuck yeah!” He yelled out, making it into one of the girls’ cups once again.

“Dare.” (Y/N) said without hesitation.

-

(Y/N) stumbled down the front steps of the Tri Cappa house, chuckling to herself. 

“Sorry.” She mumbled as she bumped into me. I smiled looking up at her as I was sitting on the wooden steps, trying to collect myself before walking home.

“L- leaving already?” I asked with hiccups interrupting my words. She nodded, pulling her phone out of her skirt’s pocket.

“Shit, it’s three already.” She inhaled sharply, not realising the time.

“I’ll walk you.” I said, slowly pushing myself up from the ground. She didn’t protest though her house was less than a minute away.

“You’re drunk.” She chuckled and I gave her a serious glare.

“You’re drunk.” I shot back and she chuckled again, looking at my stupid expression.

“Walk with me.” She asked, grabbing my arm and pulling me to her side.

Wishing I could be glued to her like this forever I walked with her through the front lawn of the frat house and right into her sorority’s front garden. We climbed up the front two steps onto the elevated porch and she let go of me, grabbing in the golden door handle.

“Oh.” She looked at me over her shoulder and I felt myself become sober all of a sudden. “I still have your sweatshirt.”

Before I could think twice my hands were already on the sides of (Y/N)’s neck, pulling her face towards mine, making our lips crash in a sloppy excuse of a kiss. I tried to move my mouth in sync with her’s, but couldn’t, resulting in me practically kissing her chin as she chuckled.

“What?” I breathed out, also starting to laugh as she rested her hands on my hips.

“You’re drunk.” She snickered against my lips.

“You’re drunk.” I spat back, still holding her close to me.

“Yeah, but that was so bad.” (Y/N) giggled, grabbing on the bottom hem of my shirt.

“Okay, fuck you.” I laughed stepping away.

“No, wait.” She smiled, pulling on my shirt. “Try again.” She pleaded, bringing her face close enough to mine that our lips almost touched as she spoke.

“Give me a second.” I said, cupping her face in my hands. “Close your eyes.” I asked her as she stared at me through her half lifted lids. She followed my order, still smiling. I leaned my head forward kissing her lightly.

As our lips touched again she reciprocated the kiss in a way I just imagined she would. Our tongues moved in unison, her hands travelled up my sides and to my chest. After a blissful moment of feeling her mouth on mine I could feel her smile into the kiss.

“Stop.” I breathed out against her lips before she started giggling again.

“I’m sorry.” She said, backing away slightly. “Just- just keep-” I cut her off connecting our mouths again.

-

I pulled the covers over my head as the bright sunlight made its way into my bedroom. I licked my chapped lips, still feeling the bitter taste of alcohol in my throat. I slowly lifted my heavy eyelids when it hit me.

I made out with (Y/N) last night.

Instantly I sat up in my bed, but quickly laid back down again as my stomach rose up in my chest. I reached for my phone,but couldn’t find it on my night stand.

I made out with (Y/N) yesterday.

I fell out of bed and onto the cold wooden floor with a loud thud, wrapped in bed sheets. I frantically looked through my jeans pockets and finally found my phone.

I kissed (Y/N).

As I tried to unlock the device its screen stayed black for a moment before I saw an image of an empty battery pop up. I quickly crawled to the desk in the corner of the room and connected my phone to power.

“What are you doing?” My head snapped to Namjoon. He was laying in his bed on the other side of the room, elevating himself on his elbows, staring at me with amusement.

“I made out with (Y/N) last night.” I blurted out without thinking.

“Congrats.” He said simply, prior to falling onto the mattress and drifting back to sleep.

-

(Y/N)’s P.O.V.

My eyes fluttered open slowly at the sound of my alarm clock. I felt an overwhelming pain forming in my head as the buzzing went on for a good minute. When I finally turned the thing off I was already too awake to fall back asleep. I slowly sat myself up in my bed, wrapping the covers around my cold shoulders.  Entangled in the blankets I reached for my phone to scroll through social media. My phone chimed in my hand making me frown at the abrupt sound. I squinted reading the text on the screen.

11:32 [Jimin] u up?

“Huh?” I groaned. “Lisa?” I called out my best friend's name, making her turn in her bed. “Lisa, check this out.” I slowly walked from my bed to hers, plopping down lazily next to her. “Look.” I put the phone up to her face. She scanned the screen with half open lids and looked up at me with confusion.

“What do you want from me?” She asked and I sighed, remembering I haven;t yet told her what happened between Jimin and I last night.

“Jimin walked me home last night and we made out on the porch.” I spoke as I rubbed my tired eyes. “And it wasn’t like- he wasn’t like- well, it was more-” I sighed, unable to voice my feelings. “It was kind of romantic.”

“Are you sure?” She asked with her eyes closed. “Would he test ‘u up?’ if it was really romantic?” Was she right? I didn’t want her to be.

“What should I do?” I asked her. “I am ‘up’.” Lisa chuckled at my annoyed tone.

“I don’t know.” She whined, turning away. “Text him back, or don’t.”

I looked at the screen. There were no dots in the corner that would signal Jimin was about to write another message.

11:42 [(Y/N)] im up

Not more than ten seconds passed before he texted me back, the contents of the message made my stomach turn.

11:42 [Jimin] i need to talk to u

11:42 [Jimin] can u come over?

“Oh, no.” I scoffed. I was not going to walk all the way down the street just to get rejected again. The PTSD after Jungkook was still all too fresh.

11:45 [(Y/N)] cant u?

11:45 [Jimin] omw

I squealed, hiding my face in my hands.

“He’s coming over.” I muttered, feeling Lisa turn under the blankets beside me. 

“What?” She asked, sounding awake all of a sudden.

“He’s coming here.” I repeated, standing up quickly. “I need to get myself together.”

“Brush your teeth!” Lisa called behind me as I ran out of the room.

-

11:59 [Jimin] come on down

I ran my hand through my hair and exhaled loudly.

“Just stay calm, dude.” I said to myself. “Stay calm.” I turned away from the front door, glancing over the garden, the sorority houses always had them look better than the frats.

My head snapped back to the door as I heard the lock turn. (Y/N) stepped outside wearing the shortest gym shorts and a t-shirt with her sorority’s name on it. I bit my lip, running my eyes from her feet to her face as she leaned on the red brick wall of the house.

“Hi.” She said sweetly and I smiled lightly hearing her voice.

“Hey.” I answered, feeling my shoulders tense up a little. “Can I come-”

“Sorry, Jimin.” She cut me off almost immediately, an apologetic look on her face. “No boys-”

“No boys allowed.” I finished her sentence smirking. “I know. Can’t blame me for trying.” I joked, but at this point she wasn’t looking at me anymore.

Her eyes were focused on something behind me. I turned to look over my shoulder when another guy passed by me.

“Hey, (Y/N).” He said opening the door.

“Hi, Hoseok.” She answered.

“Wha-” I looked between them both in utter shock.

“No boys, dude.” He said shooting me a superior stare. “Men can come in though.”

“Excuse me?” I scoffed as he chuckled, shutting the door behind himself.

“Don’t mind him.” (Y/N) sighed, putting her hand on the golden handle. “There’s an exception for boyfriends.”

“Well then we should talk inside.” I stepped closer, putting my hand on hers gripping the door handle.

“What?” She asked, her smile growing wider.

“You know what.” I leaned towards her so that our chest touched and she exhaled a small chuckle. “Stop laughing at me.” I tried to sound serious, but her attitude was infectious and I was already smiling.

“I can’t.” She snickered, covering her mouth with her free hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Goddamnit, girl.” I sighed, stepping away. I put my hands on my hips and looked at the street before turning back towards her - a giggling mess, leaning on the front wall of the house.

“Why are you here?” She finally asked me, still smiling, but no longer chuckling.

“I wanted to talk to you.” I said, stepping closer once again. “About last night.”

“What about it?” She asked, cocking her eyebrow at me.

“I liked it.” I said leaning my face closer to hers, putting my hands on either sides of her shoulders on the wall behind her.

“Mhm.” I sighed at her half-ass answer. “And?” This time I raised my eyebrow at her teasingly.

“And I wanna do it again.” I said, looking deeply into her shining eyes.

“Why don’t you?” My body reacted faster than my brain when I heard her words. Within a second our lips were connected again and I was tasting the sweet cherry taste of her chapstick.

“Wait.” She breathed out against my lips and I pulled away, only a centimeter. “I don’t- I don’t wanna be fuck buddies or anything like that. I’m not really-”

“Me neither.” I cut her off, scanning her face hungrily.

“Then what do you want?” She asked and I smiled at the sweet pleading audible in her voice.

“I wanna be exclusive.” I cupped her soft face in my hands. “With you.” My hand travelled up to her forehead where I brushed a loose piece of her hair behind her ear, watching her face carefully for any switch in emotion, but there was none. She was still smiling, looking me in the eye with the softest of gazes. I fluttered my eyelids slowly, feeling a soft blush come onto my cheeks. “I think it’d be really cute.”

“You think?” She asked, letting her eyelashes fall a little lower, making her expression change from sweet to sultry in an instant.

“Don’t dodge my questions.” I said in a jokingly warning tone, smiling a little wider. She raised her eyebrow at me, coming back to the cute teasing vibe.

“You didn’t ask a single-” I shook my head and put my thumb on her bottom lip.

“Just say ‘Yes, Jimin. I’ll be your girlfriend.” I moved my finger, making her lips open and close as I pretended she said what I wanted to hear from her so badly.

With my finger still over her now closed lips she smiled sweetly and pressed on the door handle.

“You should come in.” She said opening the door with one hand and pulling me in by the hem of my shirt. Her hands travelled to mine as she walked backwards with her eyes focused on me.

“(Y/N), no boys in-” A female voice called out as soon as I stepped through the threshold of the sorority house. I didn't even have time to look over at whoever was speaking, because (Y/N) grabbed my hand and led me up the grand staircase.

“He’s my boyfriend.” She called out casually to the other girl and I cocked my eyebrow at her teasingly.

“Am I now?” I asked, looking up at her a couple of steps higher than me.

“Shut up.” She chuckled, glancing down at me.

-

Day 17

I looked around the lecture hall I haven’t been in for ages. In search of an empty seat I scanned the room finally noticing (Y/N). She was sitting in the back, with her feet on the chair, knees up to her chest, scrolling through her phone mindlessly.

“Hey, babe.” I breathed out sitting in the empty seat beside her. She looked up at me confused, as if she was expecting for someone else, but quickly her surprised expression turned into a happy one.

“Hey.” She said sweetly, leaning over to give me a kiss. “I swear this is the first time I’ve seen you in this class.” She chuckled going back to her phone.

“Because this is my first time in this class.” I explained, unashamed about the fact.

Jungkook’s P.O.V.

I pushed open the lecture hall’s door and my eyes immediately shot up  to scan through the back seats where I would usually sit with (Y/N). I quickly found her sitting in the very last row, but was unpleasantly surprised not to notice an empty seat beside her and even more than surprised when I recognised the guy sitting next to her was none other than my best friend Jimin. Did she just break our unspoken agreement of holding a seat for each other in our shared classes for him? For him? Shaking my head I walked towards the first empty seat I saw and pulled out my phone.

11:13 [Jungkook] >:(

11:15 [(Y/N)] what?

11:15 [Jungkook] figure it out

I tapped my foot nervously looking at the three moving dots in the corner of my screen. After a moment they disappeared and I sighed in annoyance. After a couple minutes of patient waiting I decided to take the matter into my own hands.

11:24 [Jungkook] ok ill tell u. u didnt save a seat for me and i had to sit in the front row

11:26 [(Y/N)] i did save u a seat. jimin just came i and took it xd

11:26 [Jungkook] shouldve chased him away

11:27 [(Y/N)] i will next time

I smiled for a moment at the small victory, but it’s sweet taste didn’t drown out the bitterness I still felt inside. I haven’t really spoken to Jimin since arguing with him at our match last week. I’ve had more than enough time to think about what both him and I said that day, but I didn’t. In actuality I decided to ignore the way I felt and with that, ignore Jimin… But now, faced with him and (Y/N) looking ‘friendly’, as he put it, sitting together in the back of the class I couldn’t push it all down anymore. Before I could stop myself my thoughts took me back to the moment I saw (Y/N) in the bleachers at last week’s game. I was so happy to see her. Why?

I shook my head, trying to stop myself from thinking it, but it seemed impossible. We’re friends. We’ve always been friends. I literally friendzoned her like two weeks ago I can’t- I don’t- I… I looked over my shoulder towards the back of the room. She was still sitting next to Jimin, showing him something on her phone. They were close, awfully close.

Turning back forward to face the professor’s presentation I tilted my head trying to find an explanation for why I was so upset by that. An explanation other than the obvious that came to my mind.

-

Day 22

(Y/N)’s P.O.V.

I skipped down the dark wooden staircase typing up a text in the groupchat I had with my best girlfriends. I walked to the heavy oak door and pulled on the goldish handle. The door made a loud creaking noise as it always did. I already told Jimin about a hundred times they should get it fixed, but he never brought the issue up with their House Manager.

“(Y/N)?” I heard someone call my name from behind me. I turned in place and my eyes were met with the familiar warmth of Jungkook’s brown irises. I smiled looking at him, standing with a clueless expression in the middle of the living room to my left.

“Hey.” I said sweetly, not letting go of the cold metallic handle.

Somehow I forgot Jungkook also lived here. I came here so often to see Jimin and never saw him here so it just… Slipped my mind.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, taking a couple of steps closer.

“Well, I was just leaving.” I pointed to the door with my phone in my hand, playing dumb. He shook his head with a slight smile and I realised my heart didn’t flutter at the sight as it used to just a couple of weeks ago.

“Yeah, but why?” He asked, stepping closer.

“Oh, Jimin.” I said with a chuckle of pretend realisation. Jungkook’s face seemed to have dropped a little as he heard my vague explanation.

“Oh.” He sighed, still looking me in the eyes.

“I haven’t seen you in a long time.” I said leaning on the half open door and he scratched the back of his neck and again… Nothing. Not even one butterfly in my stomach at the sight of his flexing bicep or his small bunny-like smile.

“Yeah, I guess.” He leaned on the door frame. The proximity in which we stood meant nothing to me at this point and I couldn’t be prouder of myself. Am I really over this boy? Wow.

“How’s the fraternity life?” I asked smiling up at him, the soft summer’s breeze came through the door ruffling his fringe a little.

“It’s… Good.” He finally answered, unconvincingly.

“I’m glad.” I said, not really wanting to hear more from him right now. “Actually, I have a question.” I took a step outside and he turned to the side to still see me while leaning on the tall door frame. “Are you going to be here tomorrow night?” I turned back towards him, flipping my hair over my shoulder. “At the party I mean.”

“I live here, so… Yeah.” He sighed. Why did he sound so goddamn tired? “Why?” He asked, putting his hands in his pockets and flexing his arms ever so slightly - a trick boys did to make their muscles seem bigger when talking to a girl. I smiled at his silly actions.

“I didn’t want to be here alone, that’s all.” I lied swiftly.

“Well, Jimin’s gonna be here as w- wait.” He squinted his eyes at me. “You’re thinking of going?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly. “Don’t look so surprised.” I added with a chuckle, taking a step away from him and towards the steps down from the big front porch. “I’m a known party girl with a reputation to uphold.”

“Yeah, but not in the week prior to finals.” He said smiling at me with disbelief.

“Well, tomorrow is kind of… Mandatory for Alpha Psis.” As I finished my sentence I turned my back to the boy and skipped down the three steps from the stone porch to the paved lane.

“Who are you?” He chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest, again flexing his arms.

“Your worst nightmare from now on.” I said shooting him a serious glare over my shoulder before walking away making sure to sway my hips a little harder than usual. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you, Alpha Psi.” He called from behind my back and for the entirety of my walk down the lane connecting his frat house to the sidewalk of the street I didn’t hear him close the heavy oak door.

-

Day 23

The moment I heard Lisa’s footsteps on the wooden floor of the corridor separating our bedrooms I knew she was going to accuse me of underdressing or something of that sort.

“Really?” She said, sitting down on my bed behind me as I put my large hoop earrings on, standing by the full length mirror leaned by one of the walls of my bedroom.

I eyed her outfit in the reflection and bit my lip. She was wearing skin tight black shorts with fishnet tights underneath. Her band t-shirt was half tucked into her bottoms, revealing the thick leather belt holding them up. To top it off she wore a pair of heavy combat boots that gave her at least an extra five centimeters of height.

“Okay, help me.” I said letting my arms fall to my sides in resignation as her gaze drilled into my back mercilessly. 

“It’s… Fine.” She said gesturing to my figure dressed in a tight mini skirt and spaghetti-strap crop top, both in black just like what she was wearing. “Maybe with different shoes?” She said more to herself than me as she looked at my thigh high boots. I rested my hands on my hips, looking at her warningly. She knew well that I hated it when she commented on my style. “Okay, okay. Just one thing. Just try it and if you don’t like it go as you are and I won’t say a thing.” She murmured walking to my closet. She rummaged through the boxes of shoes at the bottom of it and pulled out a bright orange one.

“Nike’s?” I asked, taking the box and sitting down at my bed.

“And these.” She tossed a pair of white Nike socks from my dresser and I chuckled. It was so her style - wearing a sexy outfit with a pair of branded sneakers of an opposite colour.

I took off my high heeled boots and slipped on the comfortable sock and sneakers. Their bright white colour contrasted well with the darkness of my outfit. I scanned the whole thing in the mirror and nodded to myself.

“Okay, you were right.” I finally said and she nodded in satisfaction. “This time.” I added wagging my finger at her jokingly.

“Girls! We’re leaving in a minute!” One of your sorority sisters called from downstairs.

Since becoming part of the greek life I rarely went to parties alone and tonight was no exception. All the Alpha Psi’s were going to show out tonight at the annual ‘finals start off’ party at the Theta Sigma Phi fraternity house - also known as Jimin and Jungkook’s house. Living in the Fraternity-Sorority Row we didn’t have to take a car to get there. We walked out of our house in an intimidating formation - close to thirty girls walking down the street, dressed to the nines with bottles of champagne and whatever other alcohol in their hands, making people take second glances as we strutted on the hard asphalt.

With Lisa holding my hand and giggling about something into my ear I walked confidently through the open oak door. As I’ve been to the house many times before I led us straight to the kitchen to get us both a glass, or better a bottle of something strong. As I was about to grab a bottle of tequila from the counter I heard my name being called through the loud music.

“(Y/N)?” I turned around and locked eyes with Jungkook. The hair he had tied in a messy bun at the top of his head yesterday was falling on the sides of his face in soft waves right now. He looked me up and down, exhaling loudly. “What happened to you?” Not getting an immediate answer he shook his head and walked up to me, opening his arms.

Shocked by the sudden hug I reciprocated the motion letting my hand travel down his back. As he pulled away he noticed Lisa by my side and with his arm still draped around my shoulder he introduced himself to her and vice versa.

“So, what happened?” He pressed, still looking at me with a mixture of confusion and satisfaction lining his eyes. From where he was standing he probably had the perfect view down my skimpy top, but I couldn’t care less. “You look fucking great.” He breathed out heavily and both Lisa and I giggled.

“As I always do.” I shot back with a smirk waving his hand off my shoulder.

“Of course.” He quickly assured me. “Honestly.” He shook his head looking at me with his doe-like eyes. “I didn’t think you’d actually show up.”

“I told you: Alpha Psi’s are coming. And since I am one…” I shrugged and smiled lightly at him. “I’m here.”

“And I’m so fucking pleased you are.” He said smiling down at me with his bunny teeth. 

“Ladies.” Another voice called, this time from behind our backs. “Hey, Lisa.”

“Jimin.” She exclaimed with a bright smile and kissed the boy on the cheek as he approached her.

“(Y/N).” He said, turning towards me with nothing but adoration in his shining irises. “Beautiful as always.” I smiled at his compliment and kissed his cheek lightly as his hand glided down my waist only to stop right above my butt to rest there comfortably. “I’m happy you made it girls.” He looked at our empty hands and then at Jungkook. “Jungkook…” He hummed disapprovingly. “You haven’t offered our guests drinks?” He asked in a scolding tone before looking at Lisa and I with his eyebrow raised. “The usual?” We both confirmed and he reached to the counter beside him to make us drinks.

I couldn’t help, but realise that Jungkook stiffened standing next to me. I also couldn’t help, but let myself wonder for a moment why he did that. Was he angered by something? Uncomfortable maybe? Was it me? Was it the fact that if we hadn’t bumped into each other yesterday he wouldn’t even know I was coming? Was it because I was close with his best friend, his fraternity brother? Closer than I’ve ever been with him even though we’ve known each other for barely a couple of weeks when Jungkook and I went as far back as primary school… 

“Here you go. With double shots.” Jimin said, passing us both plastic blue cups. I immediately took a sip of the bitter mixture, letting my throat burn as I swallowed the liquid.

“You girls want a tour of the place?” Jungkook asked in a cocky tone, leaning on the kitchen island with his arms across his chest, biceps flexed.

“Ah, Lisa maybe.” Jimin answered him before any of us could open our mouths. “(Y/N)’s been here tons of times.” Jungkook’s eyes travelled between Jimin and I frantically as his friend spoke. “She knows the place like her own.” He bumped my shoulder with his own shooting me a knowing grin, before wrapping his arm around my figure, pulling me close. I reciprocated the expression without hesitation, despite feeling Jungkook’s fiery gaze on me.

Jungkook’s P.O.V.

“So you’re here often?” I asked, tightening my crossed arms over my chest.

“Mhm.” (Y/N) hummed as she took another sip of her drink.

“Why?” I blurted out, not caring how rude that might have sounded.

“Why wouldn’t she be when her boyfriend lives here?” Jimin asked rhetorically and I raised my eyebrows, looking between the both of them, trying to hide my shock.

“You’re dating?” I asked, wishing that they’d just say they were joking and it was all a bad prank, but no. (Y/N) smiled lightly my way before averting her eyes to Jimin, her lips moved and so did his, but I didn’t hear them. Suddenly I noticed his hand resting on the small of her back and thought back to the moment when he asked me for her number a couple of weeks back, to the moment she got him as her project partner in Sociology, the moment when I saw her in the stands at our game. How could I be so goddamn stupid?

-

Day 24

I stumbled through the front door onto the porch of the house. I looked at the concrete lane leading to the street and suddenly felt really dizzy. Holding onto the railing I slid down the front steps and walked the front lawn. I sighed deeply before bending down and puking onto the ground. I heard someone squirm in the background, but I couldn’t care less about whoever saw me right now. All I cared about was the sweet sound of (Y/N)’s voice ringing in my head. She called my name over and over again.

“Jungkook.” I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. I quickly straightened up, which turned out to be a huge mistake since it made my head spin ten times faster than it was before. “Woah. Hold up.” Small soft hands grabbed on both of my shoulders holding me in place. I fluttered my eyes open trying to focus my vision on the person before me.

“(Y/N)?” I asked unsure if it was really her.

“Yeah.” She said, frowning at me.

In that moment I remembered all the times we walked to our dorm together - sometimes not talking, sometimes holding each other up as we were too drunk to walk straight by ourselves, sometimes holding hands… How I missed it.

“You have someone to walk you to your dorm tonight?” She chuckled at my ridiculous question.

“Don’t worry.” She said pulling on my arm and guiding me back towards the house. “I came here with an army of girls. One of them is bound to be walking back to the house when I’ll be.” She sat me down on the steps and stood in front of me with her arms across her chest.

“I’d love to see that house of yours.” I said grinning up at her and she exhaled a small laugh.

“I bet you would.” She said with a smirk. “Don’t move okay. I’ll be right back.” She walked back inside the house before I could come up with even a word of protest.

I put my face in my hands. My forehead was sweaty. I felt disgusted with myself. Did I just puke in front of (Y/N)? When the realisation hit me it was too late to do anything about it. I wiped my face with the sleeve of my t-shirt and shivered in the night's cold wind.

“Seokjin’s coming to drag you upstairs.” I jumped up at the sound of her voice as she stepped in front of me again. I opened my mouth to apologise for my behaviour, but nothing of that sort ended up coming out of it.

“You and Jimin… Are dating.” I muttered, looking up at her through my half open eyes. (Y/N) just hummed in agreement to my statement, which made me even more aggravated. “You come here often to see him and never to see me.” She just stood there with her arms over her chest, looking at me with her beautiful eyes. “Beautiful, shiny eyes.” I tried to stand up, but she pushed me down by my shoulder and since I couldn’t really hold my balance well I fell back down onto the steps. I blinked repeatedly to focus my eyes on her. “Say something.”

“Like what?” She asked immediately with a pretectional smile. “You’re really drunk, Jungkook.”

“Not that.” I groaned, resting my head on the railing next to me. “Say- I don’t know.” I sighed, feeling close to puking again. “Uh, I can’t hate you.” (Y/N) frowned at the sound of that word.

“Why would you?” She asked, tightening her arms around herself. I looked up into her eyes and knew that though I was drunk beyond understanding this was the right moment to tell her everything.

“Hey, big guy.” I felt a pat on my back and leaned forward at the impact. “Let’s get you to bed.” Jin pulled me up and put my arm over his shoulder. Feeling my stomach rise to my throat I thought it was the safest option to keep my mouth shut and concentrate on moving my legs in unison with his. I glanced towards (Y/N) one more time before Jin dragged me back inside the house. She looked disappointed.

-

Day 26

(Y/N)’s P.O.V.

“I’m telling you he’s pissed.” Jimin whispered in a conspiratorial tone.

We were sitting together in the back of the lecture hall, waiting for the professor to call our names and read out our grades for the project, pretending we’re listening to his words of praise or disapproval as he was grading other students before us when in fact we were both focused on Jungkook, who was sitting a couple of rows ahead of us. Unfortunately we couldn’t read much out of his back and broad shoulders.

“He was pissed when I said we’re friends, now he’s pissed we’re more.” Jimin added, shifting closer to me in his seat.

“No way.” I whispered back, sure of my words.

“(Y/N), I’m not kidding.” We looked at each other and I realised how serious he felt about the matter. “He hasn’t spoken to me since that one game you came to.”

“He’s got some fucked up siblings syndrome, that’s all.” I brushed him off unconvincingly. Jimin shook his head, shifting his gaze back to the back of his best friend’s head.

“I think it’s more.” He bit his lip.

“What do you mean?” I asked, scrunching my brows.

“I think he’s jealous.” He explained and I barely stopped myself from scoffing out a chuckle.

“Of what?” Jimin looked at me with one of his eyebrows raised, as if he was challenging me to guess the answer.

“You.” He finally breathed out.

“No.” I shot him down immediately. “He’s the one that friendzoned me, remember?” I added, cringing at the memory of going through that rejection and then telling Jimin all about it when we started dating. “Why would he be-”

“Maybe he changed his mind.” He interrupted me before I could finish my sentence and I shook my head in disbelief.

“Don’t think so.” Jimin sighed at my answer. It seemed there was no way to convince him he wasn’t right. “And even if he did it’s a little too late for that.” I added, shoving his shoulder with mine jokingly before planting a sweet kiss on his cheek.

“It’s still weird.” He said after a moment. “I want my best friend back, but he’s acting like a total asshole.” I sighed, knowing how hard it must be for him.

“I know.” I rubbed his hand as I held it in mine. “If there was anything-”

“Actually, there is.” He cut me off though I haven’t finished my declaration of help yet. “You could, you know, ask him.”

“Ask him what? If he likes me?” I looked at him with a bit of aversion.

“Yeah.” His voice sounded so timid all of a sudden I didn’t know what to say to him. 

For the next ten minutes Jimin and I worked on drafting the perfect message to send to Jungkook, but ended up typing up the shortest of the ones we thought of. Long paragraphs weren’t really our thing anyway.

11:35 [(Y/N)] are u mad at jimin?

11:35 [Jungkook] no

11:35 [(Y/N)] he thinks ur mad at him and it makes him sad

Jimin shoved my shoulder as I sent the message before consulting him.

“You are though.” I said, rubbing his leg comfortingly and he just sighed.

11:35 [Jungkook] im not

11:35 [(Y/N)] then why are u avoiding him

11:36 [Jungkook] im not

11:36 [(Y/N)] u are

11:36 [Jungkook] no

11:36 [(Y/N)] Jungkook come on

11:36 [(Y/N)] are u mad at me then?

11:37 [Jungkook] no

11:37 [(Y/N)] then what the fuck is up with u?

11:37 [Jungkook] nothing

11:37 [(Y/N)] bull

11:37 [(Y/N)] talk to me

11:37 [(Y/N)] now

11:38 [Jungkook] can u see me after class?

11:38 [(Y/N)] yes

11:38 [Jungkook] without Jimin

11:38 [(Y/N)] okay

“Why’d you say that?” Jimin hissed into my ear.

“Because.” I locked my phone so he couldn’t read my text over my shoulder anymore. “He’s clearly not feeling confident about himself right now. I’ll just talk to him for a minute and that’s it.” Jimin bit his lip. He looked concerned. “Don’t worry. You’ll have your friend back in no time.”

“It’s not that.” He shook his head and grabbed my hand in his. “I’m worried he might actually like you and-”

“And then what?” I asked, also beginning to feel a little nervous right now. “It’ll be awkward for a while and then it will all go back to normal.” I squeezed his hand and took my other one to cup his chin, bringing his gaze up to meet mine. “I swear.”

Jimin and I walked out of the lecture hall with almost a hundred percent for our project. I gave him a quick kiss before he left to go to his next class and I went on to talk to Jungkook. The other boy, though along with his project partner he got the best grade in our year, walked out the lecture hall’s door with his head down and shoulders sunk by the weight of his backpack.

“You okay?” I asked as he walked up to me with a more than tired expression. Instead of saying something he just shrugged. I brought my eyebrows into a slight frown looking at him. Who was he? Not the Jungkook I fell for months ago, that’s for sure. “So? Tell me. What’s up?” I pressed him as we stood in the, now empty, hallway. Jungkook sighed deeply before opening his mouth.

“Can we walk?” He asked weakly and I nodded.

We walked outside of the building and slowly made our way through the campus grounds. I let us spend around two or three minutes in silence before I spoke again.

“So?” I started vaguely.

Jungkook’s P.O.V.

When we were texting during class I felt ready, but now faced with the situation telling (Y/N) how I felt seemed like an impossible task.

“So?” She asked again as we walked through the campus.

I looked up into the sky breathing in and exhaled slowly as I brought my gaze back to the ground. This wasn’t the time.

“I’m just stressed.” She scoffed at my words, clearly not buying them.

“Yeah, and?” She pressed, looking done as she walked next to me.

She was doing it for Jimin, not for me. She had plenty of other friends, she didn’t need me. He must have asked her to talk to me, make me come to my senses and stop being so overprotective, so possesive, so… Jealous.

“This isn’t easy for me.” I said truthfully and this time it was her that exhaled a heavy sigh instead of me.

“I know.” She was looking ahead and not at me. “It’s hard for Jimin too, you know? He really misses you.” I swallowed loudly thinking of my best friend. He wasn’t the one at fault, it was all on me. I was the one that realised his feelings all too late.

“I know.” I muttered, looking down at my shoes.

“Then what is it?” (Y/N) asked, the concern audible and sincere in her soft voice. “Why are you not talking to him?” She pressed. “He says you leave the room when he walks in and refuse to go to parties when you know he’s coming. He’s really hurt.” Hearing her say it made me feel like a real dick.

“I know.” I whined. “I’m sorry. I-”

“I’m not the one you should be apologising to.” She was right, but it was so hard to look at Jimin right now. I hated him, even though I knew well that I shouldn’t.

“I know.” I admitted tiredly.

“Good.” She said sternly and glanced my way, her expression softening once again. “But really, Jungkook.” She stopped and sighed as I looked at her running her hand through her hair carelessly.

“Hm?” I hummed, wanting her to continue.

“Why did you stop talking to him?” She asked and looked me in the eye. I swallowed slowly, knowing how hard it’ll be to lie to her right now. All she wanted was for me to get along with my best friend again, my frat bro, her boyfriend… “What happened?”

“I-” I took a deep breath and then my tongue started moving before I even had time to come up with the words in my head. “It’s just we weren’t doing well in the playoffs and you know how I am about football.” I glanced at her nervously, she wasn’t too convinced yet. “And then he was busy hanging out with you and I blamed you for him not being in perfect shape when in fact it wasn’t just his fault, ‘cause like I wasn’t in that great of a state either, physically and mentally.” Shooting her another look now I was sure she believed me. Her eyebrows were knotted in concern, her mouth curved into a slight frown. “And finally getting into Theta Sigma Phi and moving there was also such a hassle. Don’t get me wrong I was really fucking happy, but also just so tired after all the hazing and everything and then I found out you two were going out.” I made a dramatic pause to take a deep breath. “It was weird. Two of my friends…” I swallowed my pride and feelings prior to saying the next sentence that came out of my mouth. “He’s like a bother to me and like literally my frat brother right now and you’re like a- like a sister and it was all just… A bit much, I guess.” I was impressed at my own ability to come up with such an elaborate and believable lie so quickly.

“I’m sorry you felt so overwhelmed.” Right as I heard the heartfelt hurt and sorrow in (Y/N)’s tone as she spoke I felt like the world’s biggest asshole, but what else could I do? Confess? I couldn’t do that to my best friend. “And that both Jimin and I had part in making you feel that way.” She looked up at me with a half smile that I quickly reciprocated. I wanted to tell her it’s fine and she shouldn’t worry, but my stomach was in knots and my tongue tied. “I really hope you two can work this out rather quickly. He wants his best bro back and I want to see him happy.” Of course she does. He’s her boyfriend. She’s doing this for him. “You too for that matter.” My eyes shot up to her and I smiled again, this time sincerely.

-

Day 31

After the official announcement of the winning team and all the hand shaking and picture taking I walked off the field with the rest of the team, still smiling widely. It was the last game of the summer season and we won. I couldn’t be happier. Hoseok, our team captain, announced we’re going to a celebratory party at one of the frat houses in our university’s Row. I shrugged not recognising the name of the frat and went into the showers, tired after the long game, but still full of joy. After I got myself cleaned up I collected my things and along with the rest of the team walked out of the locker room. As the first guys made their way out I heard whistles and howling sounds.

“Get a room!” Hoseok called teasingly.

As I looked above his shoulder with a cheeky grin ready to comment on whatever was going on in the corridor I felt my spirit shrink inside my chest.

“Piss off!” Jimin yelled back to our captain with a satisfied grin, wrapping his arms around embarrassed (Y/N). “Don’t listen to them, babe. They’re just jealous.” He chuckled, brushing her hair out of her face and he couldn’t be more right… 

As we walked by I glanced at them quickly one more time, an act I regretted almost instantly. I saw (Y/N) cupping Jimin’s smiling face in her hands and bringing him towards her to share a kiss. I bit down hard on my lip and turned away. I was on good terms with Jimin again and I didn’t want to fuck that up. Not just because he was my best friend, but also, because I didn’t want to upset her, (Y/N). My unfortunate crush.

When will I get over you and forget the sweet feeling of your lips on mine? The lips that were now Jimin’s to kiss, the lips that I kissed once and pushed away. How could I be so stupid?

[romanceimp]

Love Bakugo Pt 5: The Letter

The red light of the sunrise was just starting to appear over the horizon. Tears were already brimming in your tired eyes as you opened your sock drawer. You took out the letter, which you kept at the bottom. You’d felt it would be well hidden and kept safe there, especially since your sock drawer, was your own. Looking at the letter, the memory of that night was becoming more and more clear. It was just after graduating UA, and Momo had thrown a party at her house for everyone. You had gone out to the garden to contemplate your entire future. You were half excited, half terrified to start the rest of your life. You were staring into one of the many fountains when Katsuki had come to stand next to you. “I don’t know how to feel about it either...” he’d said. It was the closest he had ever admitted to being scared. “I just don’t know if I’m ready... to move on,” you had said back. You turned to him, and you remember being surprised that he had such a soft expression on his face. He placed his hand on your hip, “do you remember that day in the stairs when you made me be your friend?” You touched his arm, and slowly stroked up and down his arm with your fingertips. “I didn’t make you, ya goon, but I remember that day.” He hadn’t been furious that you’d called him a name, it was then you knew something was changing. “Listen, I’m glad it happened, that we became friends... but,” he took a deep breath, “I don't wanna be friends anymore.” He leaned down and captured your lips in a thrilling kiss. He pulled you into him with his hand on your hip, and the other was holding your face. His lips were softer against yours then you’d imagined. He was gentle but fiery and passionate as always. It was the first time he had kissed you and you felt like you were being ignited from the inside out. He pulled away and said simply, “I’m not great with... this saying how I feel crap, but I know I gotta do it, so here.” He’d shoved the letter at you, embarrassed. “Read it, then give me an answer.” Here you were, years later, you’d kept it but never given him an answer though you’d read it at least 100 times. You turned the envelope over in your hands. It was blue, it had your name written on it in Bakugo’s unique and surprisingly neat handwriting. On the front, he’d placed a sticker of a small cloud. The letter had been opened and closed so many times that the sticker didn't hold it together any longer. You took out the letter itself, a single tear found it’s way onto the paper. You were crying for real now as you read the letter, it went as follows... Hey, I’m shit with not the best with saying how I feel, so I figured I’d try writing it out. That day in the stairs was the beginning of my feelings for you. Sometimes when you’d beat me in a match, and turn me into a damn sniveling puddle of a man for you, I’d pretend your quirk hadn’t worn off so I could just say how I feel. I don't know if you feel the same way, and I hope that by now I’ve gotten the courage to kiss you. I love you and I want you to be mine, even if it’s just for a while. But I don’t like that many people and I like you, so I wouldn’t mind if you were mine forever. Just let me know, do you want to be mine? Do you want me to be yours? I want us to belong to each other and Im sure that sounds fucking stupid but it’s true. If you do, I’m waiting for you right now. And if you don't, it’s okay. Just know I will think about you, care about you, always. Yours, Bakugo Tears were streaming down your face but you grabbed your phone and called Katsuki anyway. He answered on the first ring but he waited for you to speak. “I don’t deserve a second chance, I-I don’t even deserve for you to hear me out. I should have told you what I was thinking at the time but everything was changing a-and I was just so scared. And this is so stupid but I was scared of being truly happy... for once. Because- if I ever did something...a-a-and messed it up, I don’t know if I could handle that...” You tried to slow your breathing, to collect yourself, to say everything you’d held in for so long. “Katsuki, I love you, I have for longer than i’d like to admit, and I’m so sorry I waited this long to tell you. I’m so mad at myself right now- but I fucking love you a lot okay? I don’t care about the revenge anymore because... I feel like the point of it was- I just- you care about me more than anyone ever has. I love you, I love you, I’m sorry-” He hung up there. He’d said that it wasn’t too late at the car earlier but maybe he’d had time to think about how long it took you to come to this place and maybe he had changed his mind. He had a right to. After all, it had taken you years to admit this, why should he still care about you like that? You held your head in your hands as you cried over the loss of love. The love you’d tried so hard to make real between you and your boyfriend and the true love that you’d let get away with Bakugo. You felt like you were being swallowed whole by regret. You flopped face down into the mattress and wailed, freeing yourself of the guilt and anger and sadness that you’d held back for so long. 

“Hey babe? What’s wrong?” your boyfriend was finally back from his escapades it seemed. You lifted your head, your breath shaky. “Get out,” you said softly. “What’s wrong with you huh?” You whirled around now, “What’s wrong? What’s fucking wrong? You’re cheating on me!” you yelled at him. He jumped back, worried, but quickly covered his fear, “what are you talking-” “you know exactly what I’m talking about you piece of shit.” You were staring him down, waiting for his resolve to break, “babe, it was work.” “STOP LYING!” You were done, you ran to the closet and grabbed a suit case. You laid it on the bed and started ripping open drawers, throwing your clothes into it. “We can talk this out babe, I think you’re overreacting a bit, it’s a misunderstanding, if you’d let me explain-” “Fuck you.” You were shoving clothes and other precious belongings into the case. You went back to the closet and grabbed another suitcase. You picked up an armful of sweaters, dresses, and coats and threw them in, hangers and all. You grabbed your jewelry container and took out a pair of earrings he’d gifted you a year ago for your anniversary. “You can give these to that other girl,” you said as you chucked them at his head. He dodged them and then shouted, “you’re acting crazy! there’s no-one else!” You stopped and put your head in your hands. “Katsuki told me everything weeks ago, he saw you coming out of the closet with her at work.” This time his face dropped for real, “he what?” You didn’t answer him this time, just continued packing. “I was planning on getting revenge for your cheating on me, Katsuki was helping me do it, but now I don’t care about that anymore.“ Your ex boyfriend was standing against the wall, puffing out his chest to keep his ego in check. “You know what? I haven’t been in love with you for a long time, and it took all this for me to figure that out.” You could tell those words stung him. “Where the hell do you think you’re gonna go huh?” You were zipping up the second suitcase, “I honestly don’t know, I just know that right now, I’m leaving you and I’m never coming back here...”  “He’s the fucking cheater, he should be the one packing up.”

You whirled around. Bakugo was standing behind you, in the doorway of the apartment. “Katsuki,” you paused taking him in. He was wearing the same clothes from earlier and his eyes looked tired from lack of sleep. “What are you doing here?” you asked as you advanced towards him. He smiled and put his hand on the top of your head. “I figured you were mad... cuz you hung up and-” he stopped you, putting his hand on your cheek. “I just couldn’t tell you this over the phone, I had to see your face, tell you in person...” You waited, studying his softened expression. “I’m not just gonna be your rebound, I’m in this for the long run and it’s all or nothing. So you better be serious about us because I’m dead serious.” He was staring into your eyes, searching for the truth behind them. The tears welled back up in your eyes. “You are so much more than a rebound, and I am very serious, but I want to take things slow and do this the right way... I don’t want to rush in and ruin it.” Bakugo brushed his thumb along your cheek and you leaned the weight of your head against his palm. “You’ll ruin nothing, and as long as I have you... it’s not slow.” Your ex boyfriend was standing in the doorway watching the entire exchange. “Oh I see now, you thought that just because I was having sex with someone else you could go and make a whole new relationship?! You’re such a bitch you know-” “Shut the fuck up...” Bakugo  growled then turned towards your ex-boyfriend. “Oh buddy, you better start packing up right now before I destroy you.” You grabbed his hand and pulled him back. “No Katsuki, it’s okay, I’m leaving. I want to.” Bakugo looked as if he wanted to argue, but instead he walked straight into the bedroom. He looked your ex-boyfriend up and down, before punching him directly in the face. You watched in delight as your ex crumpled to the floor, holding his nose and whining. “You’re scum, I want you to remember that,” Bakugo yelled before picking up your bags and heading towards the door. “You’re sure you wanna leave?” he asked. You nodded, “I want him to be alone in this house, think about what he did... and I don’t wanna be anywhere that I shared with him.” Bakugo nodded and gave you a smirk, “then you’ll stay with me.” You had told him you couldn’t do that, you wanted to take things slow. But as he was putting your bags in your car for you he spat, “tech, where the hell else are you gonna go?”

Tag List: Tag List: @rebel—black​ @random-fandom-girl-24​ @unawi13-blog​ @brokennerdalert​  

[soulwillower]

butterflies • mike hanlon

(mike hanlon x reader)

requested:  Can you write something for Mike? Whenever you have time of course😊 I don’t mind if it’s smut or fluff, imagine or head cannons. I just really need more Mike in my life💗 thank you -🃏 p.s ilysm

warning: swearing, brief mentions of sex thx richie (and stan and bill), just fluffy stuff, underage drinking, unedited

[losers + reader are 18 in this.]

i wrote this rly quickly bc i just had an idea and im in love w mike, i hope u guys enjoy! i also made this gender neutral 

♡

1.8k words

"what're you staring at, toots?" a cheeky voice pulls you out of your daydream.

you look to your left and stare at richie, cheeks heating up. "what are you talking about?" you ask, feeling flustered. your friend chuckles, the lenses of his glasses glinting in the midday sun.

 it's hot today - you, eddie, and richie had just crawled from the quarry to rest on blankets, your skin warm and hair dripping onto your bodies as you watch the others swim.

in the distance, a bout of laughter grabs your attention and you focus on your friends. mike's got bev in his arms as he tosses her through the water, flying and both of them laughing. you smile, watching mike's back muscles move, his blinding smile as he wipes water from his eyes. 

bill socks him on the shoulder lightly in jest and mike turns his head with a laugh. and then mike's warm eyes are locking with yours from far away and your stomach flutters. he waves, and you softly wave back. 

"uh, that."

you look back with a frown to eddie, who's staring at you with a straight look. richie's got the same one on his own angular face and you scowl at them, crossing your arms. "i don't know what you're on about. you guys are assholes, anyways." you mutter the second part, toe nudging the sand at the edge of your towel.

"it's okay, y/n.

your eyebrows lift and you sigh, surprised by the moment of sincerity from the boy who's always joking.

"then you can finally fuck him all you want."

"wait, now. y/n fucking who?" stan asks, walking up with a grin and flanked by ben and bev on either side. they all fall to the ground and shake their hair out with towels or grab their phone.

"obviously mike. who else?" eddie adds, tossing you a smirk. you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. a quick glance proves that bill and mike are still in the water, making their way over slowly but in deep conversation. at least they're out of earshot.

"yeah, she's been hung up on him since the seventh grade. we're eighteen now, doll. it's time."  richie says this with a half-full mouth of beer, prompting you, ben, bev, stan, and eddie all to give him a grossed out look.

"oh fuck off, tozier, leave her alone." stan mumbles, digging through the cooler to pull out a beer and handing one to eddie before pulling his keys to open his own. "you jealous, stanny?" richie mutters, making kissy noises. you roll your eyes and crack a grin despite your embarrassment.

"please. y/n's all mike's, none for me. he's just as hung up on her." stan mutters with a grin and you toss a rock at him in annoyance. god, they're the worst.

"she's also a person, you know." bev says, sending a pointed look to the boys just as bill and mike walk over, towels around their shoulders.

"y/n? a p-person? not so sure." bill teases, winking at you. you stick your tongue out at him, just glad they'd only caught the tail-end of that conversation. mike sits next to you, handing you a cold beer with a warm smile.

you feel those stupid butterflies again.

"i don’t know. y/n's pretty human to me." mike mutters as he wipes his face with his hand. you grin into your knees, feeling flustered and very, very, very infatuated with the boy next to you.

richie groans with a teasing smile, "see! that's what im talking about, are you guys j-" he makes a loud grunt then as ben whacks him in the stomach.

x

later that night, two more beers and four slices (you were so hungry) of pizza later, you find yourself gazing up at the stars. being at mike's house was one of your favorite things ever. besides the most obvious reason, the one that makes you flush, you do like coming to the farm because it's far enough away from the town that the stars are clear and you can lay and stare at them for hours.

luckily, mike kept his window screen removed so he himself could go on the roof, so after everyone had fallen asleep, you'd tip toed up to his room to crawl onto the roof. you'd also tried to hide your disappointment as you opened his door and he wasn't there - he hadn't been asleep downstairs with the others so you'd assumed he'd gone to sleep in his own bed.

nonetheless, you were up here now and it was perfect - the crickets chirping and frogs croaking in the creek a few yards to the left of the house, close enough that you can here it gurgling as the water flows past the rocks you used to jump across as kids.

you sigh. when did you grow up?

a breeze ruffles your hair lightly and you can smell the remnants of smoke in the air from the fire mike and ben had lit although that was hours ago.

mike. the thought brings butterflies all over your body and you curse yourself and your anxious crush. he was just so... so soft. he was strong and soft and careful and carefree - he was his own opposite and that thought itself confused you but you don't really care because every time he speaks, you want nothing more than just to listen for ages. you sit up, eyes wide and breaths halting at your own thoughts. wait.

that's love, isn't it?

"want some company?" a voice calls, prompting you to turn back and look towards the window, your heart skipping a beat at the familiar figure.

"hi mike." you say timidly, your face somehow feeling warm against the cool summer night. perfect timing. "hey, y/n/n." he mutters as he pulls himself through the ledge and out onto the roof, plopping himself next to you. he sits close enough that you can smell him and feel him against your leg - his smell is one of mint, wildflowers and some unknown cologne that makes you feel tingly.

"i thought you were asleep." you say, hating that you feel so damn nervous around your friend. if only these feelings would go away. he chuckles, looking at you, "no, i was getting water in the kitchen and when i came back, you weren't with the others. i knew you'd be up here."

something about his words make you feel very mushy and you give him a smile, "how'd you know?" you ask softly. he shrugs, his eyes darting quickly from yours to your lips and your heart freezes.

"i know you more than you think, y/n." he says equally as soft and then you notice how close he really is, how honest he sounds. and then your eyes flick away, taking in the soft rustle of the leaves in the distance, a lone car tumbling down the road into town, the left taillight blown out. you chuckle; it looks sort of like the car richie bought sophomore year that you all used to pile into to drive into bangor.

you then think about all your memories with the losers; how every single one always circulates around a familiar smile, a certain laughter and the kindest person you've ever known.

and then mike's arm lifts to rest around you and you quickly snap out of your stare at the grassy field of his farm to look at him. he's smiling back and you realize his voice and body next to yours might possibly be the one thing bearing the weight of your mind as your head threatens to join the shining stars and clouds above you. he takes care of you in ways that neither of you notice, in ways that you'll forever be grateful for.

"i just want to say something." he says, cutting out the silence with his crisp words, looking out towards the skyline where you can just make out the main street of derry over the fields.

you lean your head slightly onto his shoulder and hum, nervous that if you tried to speak no words would come out but just the sound of your racing heartbeat.

"y/n, i really like you."

it's said with no other inflections, nothing but the raw words doing so much to overpower your brain. your heart stops beating then starts again at a thumping, resounding pace. you think you're short-circuiting.

"oh... what?" you ask shyly, feeling extremely flushed. there's no way that mike likes you back. he smiles at you and god, those butterflies are about to escape from your chest. "you're not joking, are you?" you ask, biting your lip as your eyes navigate every feature of his face as he watches you. you dont even know why you said it - it's mike you're talking to. he would never lie or joke about something like this, he would never, ever hurt you like that.

"i have never felt this way about anyone.” he says honestly, a smile still on his face and your heart thumps wildly in your chest, a smile splitting your face in two as you shake your head. "y/n/n, i would never lie to you." but you already knew that.

your heart is swelling with so much antsy happiness that you almost huff a laugh, shaking your head as your cheeks flush. he's just watching you, half-smiling as he waits for you to fully react. he knows you so well, you almost cry, but instead you speak.

"i like you too, i think i lo-" you cut yourself off and suck in a breath, realizing that you haven't taken one in over thirty seconds. "i have for a long time. do you-do you think i could..." you trail off, feeling awkward.

he smiles gently, the hand that isn't around your shoulders reaching to softly cup your jaw. you can't speak as he pulls you closer and shit, even if you could you don't want to because you would ruin this beautiful moment, the way you're breathing each other in.

you close the gap.

his lips are warm against yours and the arm around your shoulder moves to your waist, pulling you closer to him and deepening the kiss. he tastes like vanilla ice cream and you whimper slightly, your hands falling on his chest as your heart pounds in your own. he's smilling, then - you can feel it.

you laugh with happiness as you realize that you can feel him smiling against your lips and that you'll be able to feel that for a very long time. he pulls back and pecks your lips again, staring into your eyes and then you peck his lips. he laughs and it makes you beam.

his arm pulls you into his side and he lays his head on yours as you stare out into the countryside. "are you tired, mike?" you ask, concerned that you've kept him up. you feel him shake his head and you smile softly, hand lacing with his against the tiles of the roof.

"no. i think i could stay up here forever." he whispers.

//tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @toziershmozier @simplesammyx @dickology64 @clownsloveyou @baby-yoda-a @moon-shine-baby @daughter-of-the-stars11 @lets-vibe-bro @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @finnskindofwoman @beauregard-s  @kait-tozier  @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell //

[dreaming-gamer]

Magic Touch – Nero X V Chapter 4

Firefighter Nero x Massage Therapist V

Thank you so much to everyone who has read this story! 💜💜💜 I'm sorry this chapter took so long to finish, but it's longer than usual! I hope you enjoy! 😀😀😀

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Nero could admit he struggled to not gaze out his window, just to check the process of V’s move for the rest of the day. Whenever he realized his gaze had stuck on the moving truck, or just straight over to the other apartment, he tried to keep busy for a bit. Cleaning up his own apartment was an efficient way to get rid of some energy because hey, even though he hadn’t gotten V’s number this time either, at least they were actual neighbors! That was still something to be happy, not to mention feel hopeful about. When the apartment looked great, he sat down on the couch, trying to occupy his mind with checking the TV.

The distance between his and V’s new home was too far for Nero to really see what was going within the apartment but dammit if his curiosity didn’t make him try, even from the couch. But when sight didn’t help, he turned to imagination.

And when he had been imagining for long enough, at least until he realized that an episode of the current show Nico had ordered him to try watching, Once Upon a Time, had passed with him having no memories of what happened in it, he abruptly tried to stop. Not watching the show, that felt like something Kyrie would enjoy, rather than Nico that was usually so much more into sci-fi shows, but thinking about V.

Or at least trying to stop. The gears in his mind seemed determined to spin in only one direction, producing more thoughts about V.

Nero’s gaze went one more time toward the window and he groaned, stretching himself out further on the soft couch. With a jab at the remote, he paused the show and let his thoughts be heard. Maybe he could head over, just ask how the move was going? But V was probably too busy focusing on his new home to want to see Nero. Or maybe he’d be happy for the distraction? Maybe he wouldn’t mind Nero’s help?

But then again, V already had the help of the moving company to get his furniture in place… maybe Nero was just better off praying for them to meet in the door or something soon, but he had no clue how V’s schedule looked or anything and he still didn’t have that stupid number dammit—

A simple guitar riff, only a few notes, made him aware of a new message from none other than Nico. Stretching his arm toward the living room table, Nero grabbed his phone, unlocked it and swiped the screen once, revealing the message in its entirety. Not that the content made him any wiser.

“Alright, ya can thank me now.” That was all it said, together with a ton of emojis, including a satisfied devil emoji. Nico had cackled at him, through text, when he had revealed that V’s number had escaped him, yet again, but then she had gotten back to work. Rather than trying to figure out whatever crazy plot or invention she had come up with now, he found it easier to cut to the chase:

“The hell’s that supposed to mean?” Nero sent back, checking what time it was. 16:42, meaning work was almost over for her, of course that meant she’d start texting again. It took mere moments for him to get the next message.

“Your mysterious massage therapist friend called a while ago! He’s coming around to pick up the car tomorrow instead so I’m giving you a heads up!” More emojis before the message continued. “But that’s not even the best part!”

Nero waited, for about a minute or two for the continuation, but there was none. With quick thumbs, he tapped a reply. The heads up was certainly a ticket for him to once again try to get V’s number… but what else had she planned?

“Don’t leave me hanging! What’s the best part?”

“He asked if there was any way to rent a car trailer, says there’s something he needs to pick up. I asked what and he said bookshelves! Big ones!”

“How’s that the best part? Not following, Nico!”

“Duh! Ya don’t got work tomorrow, right? I told ‘im there’s one in the back that Dante’s not using. And that ya can help him out!”

Nero stared at the screen. Was she serious? His heart sped up from the feeling of hope.

“What did he say?!” Had V accepted the suggestion?

“I think ya might have a shot here Romeo, cuz he said yes, if yer fine with it. Took the liberty to say yeah for ya, so ya better holler yourself over here tomorrow at 4 in the afternoon, sharp!”

“Got it, will be there!” Nero hadn’t really asked for this favor but… it was nice of her to arrange it. “Thanks, I owe ya.”

“Music to ma ears!” Lots of emojis followed. “I’ll call in the favor when needed.” The mischievous emoji that followed made him think that she might have watched the show just a little too much recently.

“I took a break from watching. And I can get you an iced latte tomorrow.”

“That’s what I wanna hear! Make it extra strong and ask for some cream on top!”

Nero shook his head with a grin, Nico was the same as ever and while he wouldn’t admit it to her face, he loved her for it.

“Roger that.”

***

Nero felt like giving a shout of victory when the clock finally closed in on 4 ‘o clock. Anticipation had kept him checking the time way too often during the day, only to find that not as much time as he had hoped had passed, every check. But now, with half an hour to spare, he was ready, dressed in a chill hoodie with short sleeves and a new pair of shorts as he descended the steps. Maybe he should knock on V’s door and ask if he wanted to walk together to the garage, or he could simply walk ahead and meet V there…

Nero’s thoughts were cut short as V emerged from his new apartment building, wearing a cotton shirt, with only a few of the buttons buttoned over a black t-shirt with no print, and black trousers. The massage therapist seemed to notice him immediately, meeting him without a cane in his hands today.

“Good afternoon, Nero.” His voice was deep, smooth and accompanied by that smirk that made the butterflies in Nero’s stomach return full force.

“Hey.” Nero grinned back. “Heard from Nico you need some help. What was it, picking up bookshelves?”

V’s smirk remained and he gave a little nod.

“That is correct. She offered your assistance, with the words that you don’t have work today.”

“Well, she was right. Just promised her to get an iced latte before showing up at the garage, you fine with making that small detour?”

“No problem at all.” V claimed as they started to walk to their destination.

“So how’s it going, settling in and all?” Nero was looking forward to seeing a glimpse of how V’s apartment could look, even if it was probably a bit messy still.

“The furniture is all in place thankfully. I do admit that the unpacking of the boxes has not been as… swift as I would have liked. I had to leave for work, just after the moving company left yesterday.”

“Whoa, were you okay getting there without your car?” Nero wondered, there weren’t that many buses that passed by V’s working place, from what he knew.

“Let’s just say I arrived… a while before my assigned time, courtesy to the bus.” V smirked.

“Man, if I’d known, I’d have given you a ride again.” The words slipped out of Nero’s mouth before he even had time to think about them. “Didn’t have work yesterday.”

“I see. Thank you, for the offer.”

In his peripheral vision, Nero noticed that devilish smirk soften a bit. The butterflies in his stomach flew around with greater force.

“No need to thank me when the offer’s a bit too late!” He pointed out, one hand scratching the back of his head.

“Hm. I’d say that it’s the thought that counts.” V replied, just as they arrived at the café.

"You want anything?" Nero offered, he didn't need anything for himself, but it was a hot day.

"I'm fine, thank you." While Nero went inside, meeting the pleasant chill of an aircon, V waited outside on a bench in the shade. With V's sort of pale complexion, Nero had a feeling the sun could be an enemy. It didn’t take long for Nero to appear again, holding the iced latte, custom made after Nico's preferences.

Had Nero been the one waiting on that bench, he knew he would have had his focus on some silly mobile game or something. But V? His eyes seemed glued to the pages of a leatherbound book, with an emblazoned V on the cover.

"That's how you got your nick?" Nero joked with a nod to the book.

V chuckled.

"I admit it is my favorite… But that is not the case. It's the fifth edition." He replied, standing up. As V left the shade, Nero could see hints of dark bags under V’s eyes.

“Of what? Poetry?” Nero guessed, did novels even get published in five editions?

“Correct.” V smirked. “Shall we?”

“Yeah.” Nero nodded, matching the massage therapist’s stride while holding back a comment to ask if V had been sleeping too little. There was a slight slouch to V’s shoulders too, Nero noted.

The last of the walk didn’t take them long, the iced latte in Nero’s hand still cold when they stepped into the garage, Nico greeting them with a grin.

“Hiya! Yer beauty is all ready, attached the car trailer for ya!” She proclaimed, handing the car keys to V.

“Thank you, I’m glad to hear it. I shall return it tomorrow.” V took the keys with a polite smile.

“Great! There’s just the little extra payment for renting that, so let’s get it outta the way huh?” Nico showed the way towards the office, grabbing the iced latte from Nero with a wink and a grin. V followed her, while Nero remained, glancing at V’s car. It did look better than it had when it had been standing by the road, dripping oil a few days ago. And now, they were neighbors. Actual neighbors. Nero sometimes felt like he needed to pinch himself to be sure this wasn’t a dream...

It didn’t take long for Nico and V to return, the massage therapist giving Nero a smile.

“Are we ready then?”

Nico grinned knowingly at Nero from behind V, giving him a knowing grin as if to say: “Oh, I think yer ready alright.”

Nero had to fight the urge to roll his eyes at her, because V wasn’t aware of what was happening behind his back.

“Yeah, ready when you are. Let’s go. See you around, Nico.”

“See ya!” The mechanic grinned at them and opened up the garage gate for them, while the guys got into the car. Inside, the car seemed very clean, mostly because there wasn’t a lot of things in it. Nero only spotted a pair of sunglasses, close to the gear lever. The seats were old, like the rest of the car, but clean and comfortable. Upon starting, the engine sounds were surprisingly pleasant, not really rumbling, but rather a soft purring.

Nero waved at Nico as they passed the garage gate, just as she pulled out a cigarette to smoke. V’s driving was calm and steady.

“I’m grateful you agreed to help me with this, Nero.” The massage therapist admitted softly.

“Hey, no worries. Are we heading for the furniture store?”

“Not exactly, I found an advertisement.” V replied. “As long as you pick the bookshelves up yourself, they are completely free. The lady that posted the offer is apparently moving to a much smaller space, and will have no room for them.”

“Sounds like a great deal to me.” Nero grinned, and honestly, with V’s arms so twiggy… he could imagine why he needed some help.

When they arrived and he got to see the size of the two bookshelves himself, he was definitely glad he’d accompanied V. The bookshelves looked nice, he could admit, but they were two meters tall and made of rather heavy wood. With his regular training as a firefighter, Nero wasn’t worried for himself, but could V take it..?

He got his answer pretty quickly, since they had to cooperate to get the bookshelves onto the car trailer and Nero’s uncertainty must have shown, because V sent him a smirk when they grabbed a hold of a side each.

“I am not so frail Nero, remember?”

“Right, sorry.” The tips of Nero’s ears burned, he remembered very well how V had proved the strength, or perhaps rather technique he had, despite his lean frame. Both of them giving a nod, they started to carry the first shelf between them. It was heavy, but Nero’s grip was firm and he walked slowly to make sure V could keep up. With just one verbal confirmation that everything was going alright on both sides, they soon loaded the first shelf onto the car trailer and their cooperation went just as seamlessly with the second one.

“Well, that went great!” Nero grinned, tightening the last strap around the furniture before they could go and he was delighted to see V smirk back at him.

“Indeed. Let us hope it will go as smoothly, transporting them up three floors.”

Nero couldn’t lie, it sounded heavy. But it also meant he’d see a glimpse of V’s new apartment.

“Don’t worry, we got this.” His grin widened at the amused grin in V’s eyes.

***

“You… have been a great help.” Nero turned to find V smiling at him.

The apartment was still rather chaotic, consisting of two rooms. Taped boxes were still stacked here and there but from the furniture, most of it in wooden, natural colors, that was already in place, the apartment seemed nice. The smaller room contained the bed and now, the two bookshelves against the opposite wall.

“Told you we got this. No need to thank me.” Nero grinned.

Nero wondered how many bookshelves one person could need, because he counted four big ones, so far, compared to the single one in his own home. And he had lost count of how many of the boxes had “books” written on them.

“I would still like to. Would you like to stay for dinner? If you do not mind takeout? My treat.” V suggested.

Nero’s heart did a small, happy jump in his chest.

“Sounds great, I’m craving some good Chinese.”

V chuckled.

“Then perhaps you have a good recommendation?” He asked, tilting his head ever so slightly, with that charming little smirk on his lips.

“You bet I do.”

***

“I am honestly surprised you could eat that.” V looked at him curiously, when Nero finished his takeout dish of hot noodles, the sauce spicy and a bit sweet due to the touch of peanut. V’s vegetable wok looked really tasty too, but he was eating much slower than Nero.

“It’s not that spicy, just a pleasant tingle on my lips.”

“I would most likely find that too much. I do not eat spicy dishes very often.” V admitted, putting down his finished box on the round living room table before leaning back into the couch.

After all the unpacking, there seemed to be a slight slouch to V’s shoulders, even though he was sitting down to relax. It had been a nice experience, eating takeout by someone else’s living room table for once. Since Nero broke up with Kyrie, it hadn’t really been a common occurence to eat with someone else.

“You know, I could massage you?” The words stumbled out of Nero’s mouth before he had time to think about them.

V’s eyes widened.

“Pardon?”

“You look like your shoulders could need it. Come on, I can at least try, right?” Nero pressed, hoping the grin on his face looked as innocent as he wanted it to be.

V’s lips curled into a small smile.

“Very well.” With long fingers, he started to unbutton the soft cotton shirt, as he turned his back to Nero. The intricate patterns of the tattoos on his arms came into view, as he was now wearing only a black t-shirt on his upper body.

“I will tell you if you need to use more… force.” V’s tone was teasing.

Nero snorted, but the sound came out more as a chuckle.

“I apologized, didn’t I? Maybe you should tell me when I need to use less.” Nero set his hands on V’s slim shoulders and started to knead. Careful touches wasn’t his strong suit, but Nero did try to not put too much force into his palms or fingers. V’s skin was so pale under the tattoos, looked like it could bruise from so little, but he didn’t seem to complain yet. Until Nero found a rather big knot and V’s entire being stiffened.

“Sorry, too much?” Nero was about to take his hands off him, but V’s voice made him pause.

“No, if you do not mind… continue. It would help a great deal… to get rid of it.” V sounded like he was talking through clenched teeth.

“You sure?” Nero was doing this to help him relax, not make him stiff with pain!

“It will be worth it. And a knot like this is quite hard to get rid of, on your own.” The massage therapist replied firmly. Nero didn’t find it within himself to refuse, because V looked like he honestly could need it. Especially after the bookshelves they had worked together to carry up the stairs.

“Alright, if you say so…” Nero slowly put his hands more firmly on V’s shoulders, closing in on the knot and started to knead at it a bit more gently. He shifted between using his fingers and his palms, took note of when V seemed to be pained, or when he was fine. V gave him some pointers that made it easier to focus. Heat engulfed Nero’s fingers, not just from the massage he was giving, but also from how V’s pale skin was flushing so red that Nero could feel the heat through the t-shirt.

When Nero felt the knot dissolve a few minutes later, he swore he could both see and feel V’s back sag, a light sigh escaping the therapist’s lips. It wasn’t hard to feel that there were a few more minor knots here and there, but for now, maybe this would have to do. Nero used his fingers and knuckles for some gentle strokes over V’s skin. The massage therapist said nothing, his head sagging a little bit, as if he was collecting himself.

“Hey, lean back a bit.” Nero suggested, before he gently pulled on V’s shoulders, keeping his grip steady and V didn’t protest, letting himself be guided backwards. He blinked as his head ended up in Nero’s lap, but his eyes remained half-lidded.

“Blood rush to your brain?” Nero guessed with a smile, wow, V’s black hair looked silky, this close.

“Yes, a minor one.” V replied quietly, remaining where he was. Nero noted the dark bags under those beautiful green eyes again and the realization ached in his chest.

“You’re taking care of people for a living, but who’s taking care of you?” The words slipped out without Nero meaning to say them. The move, his work… V seemed to be working himself too hard.

V’s eyes widened, just a tiny bit, as if he clearly was not expecting those words. He opened those plump lips, paused before letting them form a fond smile.

“You need not worry, it is just a stressful period. Once I am more properly settled in, I am sure it will be better.”

“You’re not doing anything relaxing each week, are you?” Nero tried to keep his voice light and casual, but he found himself unwilling to let the subject go, just yet.

V chuckled, a light hint of tiredness in the sound.

“Are you using the words of my profession against me?”

“It seems like I need to.” Nero pointed out, then he puckered his lips in a rather humorous manner.

“One relaxing activity per week, like a bath… or a swim. Or if you find it relaxing, a massage.” He made sure to make his voice sound deliberate and deep, but in a completely over the top way.

Another chuckle left V, sounding close to a laugh.

“I do not sound like that. Nor do I look like that.”

“You do.” Nero grinned, still using his makeshift voice.

V stilled his next chuckle and locked eyes with him.

“Then, are you offering?” The smirk that grew on his face gave Nero’s good shivers down his back. Until he realized his mind had ground to a halt. Had he heard that right? V just watched him and Nero wasn’t sure what was on offer here.

“Huh?”

“To remind me, once per week. We will be living… close to each other now so perhaps… we can remind each other? Once per week, to do something relaxing.” V explained smoothly, observing his confusion, while Nero was still processing what he had heard. It sounded like he was dreaming.

Something forlorn came over V’s green eyes and he averted his gaze, but the smirk remained. “Pardon if my suggestion does not sit well with you, never mind it--”

“Sure.” The word stumbled out of Nero’s mouth, but he had never felt more sure about anything before. Whatever those moments would include just a massage or two, or a small talk or maybe… maybe a date, he didn’t know but either way, he was all for reminding V to relax, at least once a week. “Definitely, I’m in. It’s a good plan.” He quickly added, almost rambling. His heart skipped a beat when V’s smirk softened into a smile, his green eyes lighting up with mirth.

“I’m glad to hear it.” He replied softly, slowly straightening up from Nero’s lap, the slouch to his shoulders less noticeable.

Nero was watching him and V was observing him in turn. The living room was still filled with a few boxes, the smell of Chinese food in the air. Nero couldn’t help it, his eyes went to those plump, attractive lips.

V seemed to notice, as he chuckled. The flushed skin on his neck and shoulders wa returning to its original color. Tattoos peeked out under his t-shirt, just a few lines on his throat and Nero wondered again, how much they must have hurt to make.

Nero felt a shiver down his spine as V’s long, slightly cool fingers cupped his warm cheek.

This was happening. His heart beat like crazy as he leaned in, feeling V’s warm exhale on his lips…

And V’s phone rang.

He didn’t miss the flash of defeat in V’s eyes. Nero’s hand reached for V’s cheek, about to silently ask him to ignore it, just for now.

“Pardon me.” V said quietly, pulling away as he stood up, moved to collect his phone on the kitchen counter. Nero lowered his hand, along with the stone forming in his stomach.

“Yes?”

What followed was conversation that Nero barely caught, because he sank into the couch with a huge sigh. His heart still beat hard, like a drum at a festival. It had been so close! And V seemed occupied with whatever the call was about, in the kitchen.

Was the moment stolen? Gone? Would they continue when V returned? Nero felt himself gripping one of the soft cushions V had placed on the couch earlier, he really didn’t know what to do with his hands, or himself.

“I beg your pardon, I am a bit preoccupied at this… yes, yes… Is there truly no one else that can…?” A pause, a soft inhale of breath. “Very well, I understand. I will arrive shortly.” Nero didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but his stomach dropped at the words. It felt like V’s chance for relaxation tonight was slipping out of his fingers.

The apologetic look on V’s face as he returned, confirmed his suspicions.

“I apologize, but I appear to be urgently needed elsewhere.”

Nero gave a small nod, holding in the disappointment that created a small twinge in his chest. V looked bothered, so Nero pushed it down, for now.

“Everything alright?”

“I am part of a… association for literature lovers, I suppose you could call it. We are but a group of individuals that sometime gather for discussions about various pieces of literature. We sometimes attempt to arrange various activities, such as book fairs.” V explained, seemingly checking his schedule in a leather bound calendar. There was no sound of a sigh on his lips, but it could be seen in how his shoulders seemed to tense, again.

“We are meant to host a public poetry reading, pretty soon. I have been asked to help arrange it, as well as participating. Now, we have encountered some unforeseen difficulties and my presence has been requested to solve it.” V looked up again, lips slightly parted. The mirth in his eyes from earlier seemed replaced by determined calculation.

Nero felt his heart sink, for two reasons. The moment was completely gone with the wind, or rather the tones of a cellphone signal. And V was probably not going to relax anymore tonight.

“I truly apologize, Nero.” V said, his tone quiet. “I’m afraid I must be going.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Nero assured quickly. Sure, he was disappointed that this was cut short, but it seemed to be for something really important for V. Poetry seemed to be so close to his heart. Nero didn’t want to stand in the way for that, he rose from the couch easily. “It’s fine, really. We can just do this… some other time?” There was a small hope in his voice, he couldn’t help it.

V smiled, his gaze softening a bit.

“Yes, I would like that. Let’s remind each other, once per week.”

“Once a week.” Nero agreed, as V followed him to the door of the apartment where half of the things still needed to be put in order. “You taking the car?”

“No, it is within walking distance.” Nero opened his mouth, about to offer to walk with him, but slowly closed it again. Perhaps V needed time to think, he didn’t want to act stubborn. Silence drifted between them, broken only by their steps down the stairs.

“Oh, and Nero?” V said as they stepped outside his apartment building, about to separate. “Thank you for the wonderful massage.”

Nero felt his cheeks, as well as the tips of his ears blush red at the compliment, especially since that smirk was in place again. V chuckled as he held his cane in a sure grip.

“I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, later!” The heat in Nero’s cheeks didn’t lessen as he watched V go. A massage therapist, a poet. A man with a determined gaze and a new apartment, suddenly living right across the street from Nero’s.

He walked into his own apartment, touching his lips lightly, feeling those damn butterflies flutter around in his stomach again. It had been so close and yet so far. But they had made a promise now, there was hope. And Nero had a plan, he’d just go get some paper from his apartment…

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Tagging: @la-vita and @thedyingmoon 💜💜💜

[inknose]

mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably