#im just blabbing too much
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sometimes living at home is just like
#so many things about today confused me#first like my sisters are eager to talk to me???#which like????#not like them#they hate me#also my parents said “oh there's dinner up here for you”#so I went up to get it#and it's like a sandwich with cheese... when I don't even like cheese#and they know that????#i dont think they were joking either#like I guess I just won't eat I wasn't even hungry anyway but?#idk#people keep trying to interact with me#i would like to be left alone#also none of this matters#im just blabbing too much#im gonna go watch tlou lets plays#and ignore the doc im supposed to be writing#pandora is being unhinged tho
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please look at this happy lil banette I drew for the wallpapers i'm making for patreon 🥺❤️
#tbh im riddled w/ too much anxiety these days but something abt drawing happy lil pokes helps me calm down#if anyone's feeling the same then I hope this happy banette doodle also helps u even just a lil bit#a reminder that everything's gonna be okay!#bam blabs
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what it feels like to not post art every 3 hrs..
#i try to hold myself for posting too much becuase i just end up wanting to draw more 😭#its kinda funny to find some people think i draw fast. but i still have a lot of drawing saved up#im gonna gradually post them. i thin i just dont want to fill up someones dash board ig lol#just happy to see lot of people like driftcells and other people drawing them as well#blab
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i don't really want to bc like. there's many reasons for me to stay but. i don't think this tumblr life is for me anymore
#obvs im gonna keep this blog like i'm not. gonna go away. i can't lol!#i need to have a space to post when i do have stuff to post ... with gachiakuta otw ofc !!!#but i think it's time .... i admit to myself i cant do this the way i did anymore#not even back in like. 2021 but even just. last year. im not someone who can sustain interaction no matter how much i want to#there's just too much on my mind and im too anxious and way too insecure and with the election i have students to take care of#my family to prioritize and i have to move house and get my credentials and my degree so i can get a job.#it's just too much really to be worrying about what i can do here .. ive been in denial for so lng#not that that changes anything for anyone here or anyone reading this. i'm not disappearing and im still gonna be reading.#but i need to officially relieve myself of duty... iN MY MIND. if that makes any sense.#im sure i'll write again one day. my writing has come so far and ive finally noticed. and im so grateful to have tried so hard#i never let myself down once. thats for certain. i did what i could when i could#but i can't anymore and that has to be okay bc its whats happening.#anyway nothing's changing dw there's just been a shift in my psyche thats all#and i might post less and reblob more .. but that's all!#still love u ofc <3#caitie blabs
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think im bout to get my cdl
#been thinking about it for a while now tbh#my plan has been to get a van to live out of cuz i'm over this shit#i lived in a van as a kid so it's in my blood lmao#otr trucking seems kind of similar?? not as much freedom as i want but i don't have to do it forever#i dont have kids or family so its not like i have any reason to be tied down to one spot anyway#i've had driving jobs in the past too that i enjoyed... obviously not big rigs but a giant ass catering van#and whats hotter than a big tall masc hauling 26001 lbs of freight??#lol idk dont mind me im just kind of excited about the idea and wanted to blab about it#we'll see how this 12 hour solo drive to houston treats me in december 👀
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U know especially for someone who hasn't consumed JJK in awhile, that's really accurate. I'd really love more details if u want but not only is that super accurate but man what a fucking fun character that would be. Idk even know who I'd want to see them interact with the most because I want to see them interact with everybody. The stuff like doing insane things to win arguments and caring so much about how they look is such a perfect way to combine their traits too
Little rushed comic I thought I could do of their interaction with Mr. Stanford Pines himself!
Further explaination under the cut :]
Some other fun things I thought of regarding Nopher that aren't specifically related to Ford/anyone:
Nopher (which I'll say is the fusion name), definitely will have a hard time getting used to the body first. If you think about it, it's just Sukuna & Itadori in Season 1 (which btw, IF my art block doesn't attack me, i MIGHT draw an interaction btwn them). Simply not pleasant LMAO. Ford doesn't really know what to do with it because Nopher isn't much of a threat for the moment. Another thing to note is that Nopher kinda just showed up to to Ford's doorstep (thanks Bill) and while Ford DOES immediately recognize Bill in Nopher, he does not recognize the physical body he inhabits. Ford doesn't know Nobara, and Nobara doesn't know Ford. Only connection they really have with each other is Bill. I feel like Ford would be VERY intrigued by how Nobara, who likely doesn't have much knowledge on Bill, is able to withstand brief periods of possession per say? I'd like to think that although Ford really doesn't want to do anything with Cipher At All, he can't really ignore the fact that he got a "random" person involved. Obviously Nopher's capable of pretty much the entire arsenal that Nobara & Bill have (except Bill's powers might be a teensy bit limited but they don't know that).
Don't ask me where they get the money from but they do enjoy clothes shopping/shopping in general for the trendy stuff. One of the very few things they "enjoy"/have in common.
Nobara within the mindspace once in awhile will get excited to see the things they have around Oregon, same with Bill when they meet the JJK gang in Tokyo.
Bill ABSOLUTELY gets really confused over the idea of being able to see Curses. The creatures released during Weirdmageddon couldn't leave the confinements of the town, so it's a shocker for Bill to find that there are actually other worldly beings residing in a place outside of Gravity Falls. Freely too! (If they aren't killed)
On the contrary though, Nobara will always see the weird stuff happening in Gravity Falls as a threat. She's been trained that way to never let her guard down and she's BRUTAL with it. I think during these times, Nopher's general "crazy" really starts to come out.
Regarding the past 2 bullet points, it's a just whole new struggle for Nopher: Nobara needs to continue protecting people from Curses that normal people can't even see, whereas Bill always wants to try and make allies with them. It's tough.
That's probably all I'm gonna come up with for now!! I do have a semi-large project I'd like to get started on & finish before the end of the week so story-building Nopher may not be prioritized for now. I do hope you enjoyed my ramble though, anon!
#gravity falls#jujutsu kaisen#oc#oc art#<- this is practically an oc of mine now... just not one thats fully developed at all LMAO#pigkiku#can we also disregard the fact how much “detail” i put in the first 2 panels like cmon it wasnt my intention to make ford look THAT good LO#btw anon if you do read these tags i need you to know that my OC making brain is covered in spider webs and dust#its been such a long time since ive ever attempted to even develop a backstory for an originally made character cuz all i do is design then#move on LMAO im tellin you now i got too many ocs with nice designs but almost NO story behind them#even more so ocs that are related to fandoms like Nopher might be my first one that's deeply connected to 2 fandoms at that#btw someone PLEASE for the love of god tell me why side profiles are so damn hard#i mean yeah okay i can draw hands. faces. clothes. blah blab but SIDEEESSS is where i draw the line#*ahem* looks like i have smth i need to work on later :]#im gonna kiss myself goodnight i just realized i put 4 fingers on the 3rd panel okok
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For me, I'm one of the ones who knows some of the things that shouldn't be done (don't mention his appearance, don't make references to stardom, washed up celebrities, religious imagery, puppets, loss, fortune, loss of fortune) and I still slip up.
My running theory is that I'm not used to seeing an askbox that isn't just a race to see who can get the largest emotional reaction (and the cool dramatic art that comes with it). There isn't a lot of experience to draw off of that isn't going to extremes.
Ahhgh,, yeah, i think thats whats happening for /everyone/,, me included... I kinda have to hold back on doing those all the time even though theyre so fun... womp.. You CAN mention some of those things, though!! Puppets/his appearance obv not, losing everything..also /maybe/ not.. but i think depending on what is said/how its said the others may work n be interesting. (except for a whole lot of religious imagery,,* ill add stuff in my tags i dont want this part to be long lol) I think also its just a different way of using the askbox compared to regular which also throws everyone off.
#*two reasons#One: i think it would be neat if his perception and understanding of god/religion is derived from the media addisons consume to better adve#advertise.. in his case.. scam people. iirc religion is one of the things used in email scams to get to people and make them feel#like they are obligated too otherwise they are sinful#And i feel a lot of their understanding isnt TRUE because its from an outside perspective#they dont have the same goals and the same way of living#theyre programs#programmed (primarily) to do their purpose and do it successfully#i dont know how deep things like that for them go#They see praying to god = prayer comes true or some other variation#from tv n shit a lot im sure#Which would mean praying to god gets you things or smth#not really fleshed out#which brings me to two:#im not religous and i never have been so i dont really understand a whole lot and i dont think i ever will because of it so i cant go far#with that very much. just. hollow things.#ALSO ALSO if i figure out how to write it im sure he'd blab about how great he was#you can say stuff ab his bs era cause im sure he glorifies it in his head far more than its worth because of where hes at
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I wanna draw so bad but I'm trying to stay on top of my readings so I have like 3 chapters to read but it's so boring and I don't wanna read it </3 😔😔
#nicco blabs#i did this last year so it shouldnt be a surprise to me but omg im never gonna get used to it#just teach me the shit in class...#im paying to be taught not to teach myself with a goddamn book#anyways sorry for my rant#ALSO TEXTBOKKS ARE SO EXPENSIVE??#like ny child development textbook was 100 dollars??#i didnt buy it bc my friend found a pdf version thankfully#i was deadass gonna get a free trial for 12 days and copy and paste the whole book so i didnt have to pay for it...#that 100 dollars is going towards my groceries now <3#like thats gonna get me much tho...#fuck canada fr guys#everything far too expensive#anyways sorry for the rant in the tags...#thanks for reading it all if you got this far <33
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i havent even read enough gl to justify the feelings and emotions i have about kyle i just have the lovers heart and also something wrong with me. and my projection. in my mind he's just like me. and he would have loved college vending machine frozen cheeseburger and heating it up in the microwave at 1 in the morning because he was bored and didn't want to work on a drawing assignment on 20" x 30" paper that was due tomorrow in his freshman year. he would have loved going to the club to push off finals work that's creating the worst stress known to man in his brain. and he would love to annoy the fuck out of his roommate when high and avoiding homework on a saturday.
#IN MY MIND HE'S JUST LIKE ME and i understand why he dropped out of art school also.#i need to get back to my readings but im too into thinking about the couple dozen issues i have read#and then going i wonder what he was like in college. and the answer is definitely fucking annoying.#if i knew him i know we would be not arguing in art history class. i would be saying his takes are stupid outside of class during break.#and he would go i dont know how somoene can defend british utilitarian furniture so vehemently and try to liken it to bauhaus design#our arguments would also stem from having very different art history and therefore philosophy education. his background would be from a pro#who would focus on european canon as per usual while my prof was coming from the perspective of someone with a phd in asian art history#and a curriculum based mostly around exploring and investigating non euro art work and how movements like modernism and#post modernism functioned in other continents.#this is such a main blog post but idont care. EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW HOW I PROJECT AND INTERACT WITH HIM IN MY MIND#he would also hate how i argue for art even i dont care about by approaching it at the philosophical angle.#'how do you like this it's barely even art. or it is art. but it's a boring cop out for suckers. honestly.'#'the thing is i dont like it. i just think you need to expand your world views and stop being close minded. youre limiting yourself.'#you might go eiffel what are you basing this on? the answer is vaguely remembered panels in my mind plus generally taste opinions of his i#can gleam from what art references they give him within issues.#it would also be funny bc like. he has a background in design... he's just stubborn and snobby i think when it then comes to the realm of#fine arts. i think his opinions and how they operate in regards to design + illustration + non gallery art are probably quite different#but i cant lie. from the singular 'i dont wanna be some loser who shows up with a blank canvas to a gallery' panel i remember someone talki#about in a post i have used it to create a variety of thoughts i think he could have had.#and the answer is the opinions of someone definitely a little annoying in art school. with a pretty standard traditional training#and background that stems from euo+american art history and sensibilities that inform how he interacts with art. which is very normal#but i think it's funny to view him as someone i would probably roll my eyes at for some comments he would be making.#and it gets funnier with how he acts generally as a person.#kyle you cant be this snobby when you are drawing pin ups of your work crush in your home studio...#good lord this got so long i have a problem. hi. sorry to my new follower your kyle posting made me go ha ha kyle. i like that guy.#static.soundz#back issues box#< it might as well go there bc i blabbed way too hard and too much. sorry. overtaken by an entity in my mind
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i kinda forgot how mochizuki does expressions so well that they speak more than texts in an image
esp for someone like oz who has identity crisis going on for him that he doesn't really care who he is as a person so long as it makes others happy (the way later he could care less if people see him as jack the hero rather than just oz)
but the shock in oz's expression as though he had been read so clearly by sharon's words.
also idk it never crossed my mind while i was rereading, but i love that this is just in chapter 2 -- that things would go bad if oz should ever lose sight of himself
bc that's the gist of oz's whole character arc, inching away from just being whatever people want him to be, shying away from his emotions, and accepting himself and what it means to be himself - emotions and past - alike.
#'avil why are you reading pandora hearts again' girl's depressed. turns to comfort media.#tbh im kinda surprised though that i can still pick up new stuff with oz bc oz is my big comfort character#however i also feel like i know /enough/ that i didnt think id pick up more#the treasure lies in the little details lol#also yeah im just liveblogging/trying to infodump to cheer myself up lmao#feel free to block the liveblog tag idk how long ill be reading ph today before i switch to things i should probably be working on#anyways#the thing about oz is that hes always rejected himself#you see it in the way he talks to break about himself#or like. he hates himself so much that he rejects alice and gilbert later down the line when he finds out the truth about himself#to lose sight of himself like that means the end#i guess for me his story has always been about growth from that and it feels nice to fall back into that and watch him grow#anyways if i turn into an oz blog. you know lmao#avil reads ph#i always wanted to reread ph again but the starting chapters are kinda too slow for me alksjdfalkh#just throw me straight into the isla yura arc and beyond#you know another thing though. that rejection of oz himself. parallel that with leo's rejection of self later that he hides away and allows#oswald to take over blahblah#*i dont think this makes sense im just blabbing now*
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rips my poor little meow meow out of this story and out of this relationship with my teeth and carries him away to a dark corner where i can groom him like a kitten and hiss at people who don't Get him
#im going to explode [REDACTED] with my mind. manifesting. i'll take out every [REDACTED] ever if that's what it takes#good luck listening to any [REDACTED] ever again i'm taking them down i'm obliterating them all if i can't have fun no one can#things that i take too seriously that are absolutely not that serious no.45#but. good christ this is too much i thought it was OVER#i thought i could be FREE i thought the blacklist tag would SAVE ME#BUT NO !!! HELL FIRE SHIT BITCH#it's really not that deep i understand. i'm a reasonable rational adult. but i'm listening to my long-lost inner 10-year-old boy this year#and he says he wants to run over [REDACTED] with his hot wheels. so.#need a blab tag for my new internet name ig uhhhhh#aster chat#i will not be posting about this btw insofar as i can restrain myself. i'm not making a bitching tag about it#i'm just very very. well. frustrated
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I'm so fucking excited to get all this outstanding work done, and for tax season to fuck off. I cannot wait to have more time to play games with pals, go out with friends whom I haven't seen in a few months....go to some random meetups to meet new ppl and create new connections (and perhaps snag me a new person wink wonk LMAO).
And just...have more time to live. To stop feeling as lonely as I am feeling rn. CAUSE HOO BOY, it's been hitting me hard. And I can't do too much about it CAUSE of the deadlines I need to meet!
#I have learned my lesson: no more zines. or rather. no more modding zines#as much as I love you grizz zine. the amount of work you have placed on my shoulders is too much. heck. the other mods have it worse#I dont enjoy doing overtime and coming home to work on the art for the zine that I really should have had help with :')#27 spots...thats way too much for me at least. my hands are struggling and I am getting flare ups again. and I am not including the notes#I legit havent drawn anything for me in months because of this and I just wanna draw abby n pilos cuddling!!!!!! LMAO#and I so badly want to reach out to ppl to play games with and I cant cause Im either WORKING or WORKING#I really want to stream games again too.....I REALLY want to play 999 with someone :'))))))))))) would be a fun game to share......#and the cube escape game too#AUGH I HATE BEING SO BUSY AND ALONE SOMETIMES LMAO. IDM being single but this is an instance where a partner would be nice to have to blab#but ye I am so excited for may. most things will be done and work will still be rough but more manageable!#so ye. IM so sorry if you read all this I just like talking. and I dont really have anyone to talk to rn except myself XD#(ye ye I could reach out to ppl but hm. well I am tbh LOL. but ya know. busy. haha)#also typing has been really painful lately. the only reason why these tags are ending is cause my hands are numb from typing. :')))))))))))#ok goodnight
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Just wanna say I finally updated the trello queue for the ko-fi doodle requests! Sorry it took so long but also thank you sm for being patient w/ me ;_;
#weirdly enough I was expecting more for some reason @_@#might be bc i've gotten around 70+ reqs before.....#for those who don't know i've gotten so much reqs before too & finished all of em in a span of several months#longest doodle(s) to be finished & sent took around 7 months i think (im very sorry for those ppl ;_;)#said i'd never do it again but well... here I am again#it's not gonna take as long (I hope) don't worry but yeah it may take a few months for some (i'm sorry in advance)#thank u all sm for the support & kind messages! and to that kind & generous supporter thank you so so much as well (I cried reading ur msg)#I really appreciated that & it made me emotional ;_; but it makes me happy that my art has somehow helped you even just in a small way too#bam blabs
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tried digitally emulating my old marker style on a scanned sketch, had a lot of fun w/ it and now i wanna do more pieces w/ this coloring style lol
#soup art#vesper tag#artists on tumblr#not much else to blab abt in the tags im just very happy with this abhjgbfhj#might dig the og sketch back up and color it traditionally too for the bit#sorry not sorry for drawing my son so much lately . i loves him
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#i dojnt think anyone would be ready if i started posting inc*st again#that's all imma say on that#im scared lol.... partially of myself n my power#too bad my last laptop is unfixable i lost so much good dc LMAO#this is just to say i am ... having thoughts#caitie blabs
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there are some pieces of media that i love a lot for a variety of reasons but most of the content on social media about it is ship related. and a lot of the time i like said ships as well but theyre not the reason something impacted me at all i want other kinds of content. but if i have to read a single analysis post from an online stranger that i disagree with i might start blowing people up with my mind
#moral of the story is to only have serious conversations abt stuff u like with ur friends#ill be fr i was thinking about trigun typing this but i could name other things#like witch hat atelier. almost every single piece of wha art ive seen online is orufrey and i love them but like Damn#kingdom hearts too i feel like thats the fanbase that really made it clear to me that i do not like being engaged w fandoms at large#idk. the constant war between me being like 'damn it kinda sucks that some aspects of things i like arent typically discussed online'#vs that allowing me to live my life in peace and never be at risk of seeing someones wrong opinion#bcus i get so fucking tilted when i do. being really into dbz last year was rough for me i was so fucking mad all the time#trying to find character study fics (dont ask) and constantly being like 'he would not fucking say that.'#feel like this also doesnt really bother me for some stuff like orv. like yes joongdok is literally everywhere but#so much of that novel loops back into them that like. a lot of the fanart u see of them reflects themes of the novel itself.#does this make sense. like i still want more hsy art but it doesnt bother me that much that kdj and yjh are literally omnipresent#anyways i love tumblr i can blab as much as i want in the tags vs on twit i have to make longass threads#which makes it look like im posting for engagement or w/e. im not i just need my thoughts out of my head#chatots
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