#im just Some Guy on the Internet in my own lil space here

[impossible-rat-babies]

caveat here of how none of this really matters and it’s my opinion, but I’m kinda just. :standing-man: about how divorced m!viera are from masculinity in fandom spaces. like how they’re always referred to as “cute” and “adorable” and even the term bunboy kinda just makes me feel ick. there’s always this stereotypical box of feminine/gay man that they get shoved into—cutesy and demure and pretty. like express gender and such in your own way and find freedom in that—I’m not gonna be upset about that. it’s the overall opinion that these characters—and by extension their players—are only part of this stereotype

[margowritesthings]

MARGO'S 1K CELEBRATION I - TROPE BINGO

Y'ALL. I can't believe this. 1,000 is such a mind boggling number to me, considering these weird word children would otherwise just be sitting in my brain on their own. I can't thank you enough for your support over the last year. this blog is one of the best things that has happened to be, and now that i'm pursuing my dream of becoming a published writer i truly believe it has changed the course of my life. YOU have changed my life. thank you for being there to read and support. i love y'all.

soooo reading and writing romance is basically my only prsonality trait, so why not celebrate 1k followers with the thing that got me here! im putting you guys as the star role in your own romance- follow along the steps below and send me an ask with your trope and character selection + any extra info.

STEP 1 - PICK A TROPE (please pick up to 3 tropes!)

➼ friends to lovers ➼ enemies to lovers ➼ s/he falls first ➼ one night stand ➼ grumpy x sunshine ➼ small town ➼ billionaire ➼ mafia ➼ forced proximity ➼ marriage of convenience ➼ fake dating ➼ second chance ➼ one bed ➼ childhood sweethearts ➼ surprise pregnancy ➼ why choose? (send up to 3 characters for a reverse harem ship) ➼ random!- i will use a generator ➼ writer's choice- i will choose based on your profile (mutuals only)

STEP 2 - PICK A SHIP there are 3 ways to get your ship:

➼choose a fandom (or multiple fandoms) from the below list and I will choose for you (the more info about yourself you provide the better this choice will be) ➼choose a specific character from the fandoms in the list (or multiple and I will choose) ➼(mutuals only) tell me your fandoms and I will choose for you based on your profile/what i know about you/what you provide me with (even if the fandom ISNT on the list below)

FANDOMS PARTICIPATING IN THIS CELEBRATION: ➼ red dead redemption ➼ bridgerton ➼ marvel ➼ starfield ➼ fallout ➼ skyrim ➼ stardust ➼ star wars ➼ doctor who ➼ daisy jones and the six ➼ mad men

STEP 3 - EXTRA INFO

IMPORTANT- INCLUDE YOUR GENDER AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION IF LETTING ME CHOOSE THE SHIP. Add anything about yourself you want me to know. If you're on anon, this is very important!! I cannot make anything personalised for you if I do not know anything about you. Any icks, anything you want me to include, turn ons, etc. Basically provide me with anything you think might help me make the best gift for you!

RULES

➼ Followers only please, I cannot police this as I have asking on anon enabled, but this is a celebration for my followers so if you are gonna enter please do ensure you are following me

➼ Likes and reblogs are really appreciated! if you do enjoy my work you can also check out my masterlists which can be found here or buy me a coffee here!

➼ At the least, I will be able to make a moodboard for your ship + tropes, but if the inspiration strikes me I will write headcanons and drabbles too. These are a bonus and should not be expected with every entry

➼ 18+ - some of these tropes will include explicit detail, so 18+ only please

➼ Please grant me patience! i am doing this alongside a full time job and have some personal stuff on, but i do want to celebrate so im trying to fit this in as best i can. please be kind and respectful of my lil internet space :)

➼ all posts will be tagged #margo's 1k celebration

tagging my frens to say THANK YOU cause i couldn't do it without ya <3: @inkandbloodbound @cowboydisaster @musicallisto @saradika @sickvictorianangel @alottanothing @twola @photo1030

[winnowing-for-elk]

10/23/23

I just need a place to vent so I’m here and blasting my thoughts out into the internet (also have a pretty bomb playlist if anyone wants to check it out).

So, uh, basically last year was shit and I had to act like the most emotionally mature person in the room (I would say I was pretty mature then. Now? I question that) and because of that now im burnt out and act like a lil not great lil guy. And some of that stuff (all of it, to be honest) was in some way connected to my girlfriend. We’re ok now (kind of? I’ll get into it) but I basically have no friends now (I didn’t have many real friends to start with) and I think I’ve officially lost them all cause my best friend has ghosted me since Saturday bc I told her I’m still not fully ok with how she treated me last year (that’s a topic of discussion all of its own).

Previous to that, I had been kinda snippy and acting annoyed for no reason to my girlfriend. I’d like to think I got it from my mom and my best friend and I felt really bad about it, and afterwards I didn’t really talk to her for a day based off a miscommunication and me just kinda being a bad girlfriend recently in my opinion. So, now, she’s upset and needs space so I’m giving it to her (after, once more, acting a bit assholeish today) and I have no one. Well, maybe not no one but certainly not anyone close to me.

I feel like something’s wrong with me. I think the space will be good for both of us.

[tedfashionski]

Finking, Finking.

Hi, welcome to my ted talk. (That is the only time I will ever make that joke. This is Fashionski Finks. Expect radically low standards of self-involved rantiness with zero research or accountability from here on out). For a while there I seriously thought that the covid-19 quarantine was going to result in people being increasingly placid and accepting of creeping extensions of the police state. But here I am, getting depressed again, not about the protests, which I love, but more about my relationship to in-group pressure dynamics. One of the problems with being a relentless contrarian is the discomfort of my impulse to rebel against groups even when they’re championing the right thing. I have to find my own way to fight against the system as an outsider. No gods, no masters, no fucking peer pressure.  I’ll never be happy joining a chorus line. I don’t sign fucking petitions (they’re just lists for the NSA). I do donate, but like fuck will I do it performatively. I can’t go to protests cus I get panic attacky in crowds. I empathise pretty strongly with outsiders of all stripes but believe ridiculously excessively in the public good of criticism, and have a nostalgic love of trolling (I like to think I’m gentle with it though). Bring back the troll! We need that fucker, he’s a sign of a healthy internet. I’m writing this blog thing as an extension of my need to vent my extreme negativity. TBH I never expected to get any followers with ted twitter and the bizarre welcomingness of the hf twitter community totally wrongfooted me. I’m not nice. Ted isn’t meant to likable. He’s my dark side. I was meant to be using this alt as a way to terrorise the nice nice (secretly cruel) fashion people. I’m gunna try and up that aspect more. Just bear in mind, my complaints are largely about the system, but if I see you perpetuating fashion’s entrenched anti-intellectualism or its insidery bullshit, I’ll come for you with a little meta-bomb with your name on it. Maintaining my misanthropic tone does take work tho, like, deep down in some twisted part of my psyche, I guess I do actually want to be liked. It’s fucked up.

I suppose it’s only fair to explain this Ted fursona. Like, new concept, who dis? Why all the furry porn? …..because I just think it’s hilarious. Every time I think about the furries I cackle (not at them, mind). I just love the mad corruption of pure Disney aesthetics into hardcore pornography. That’s anti-authoritarian as fuck. I love the sincerity of their culture. The way the crazy fetish aspect means they’ll never be fully blandified by mainstream acceptance. The way it’s so cringe but so delightful. And more seriously, I’m interested in how a culture of mostly gay male nerds developed to the point where they’ll invest 10k in custom fursuits and support eachother’s independent businesses in ways that the fashion community completely fails to do. The fashion world sucks. There’s so many correlations there that I want to investigate: the newness (furries date from around the 70s, fashion culture in its self-aware state dates from the late 19th C – both very young fields); the centralisation/decentralisation; the hierarchy (furries can be pretty catty, I have discovered in my research, and we all know what fashion people are like); the adoption of new identities; the cis-boy gayness aspect (I’m increasingly tired of the extreme nasty hierarchy of certain CSM queens. It’s all very UGH. Just, fuck those particular bitches.) There’s more to the furry love, but I’ll explore it in future posts.

More importantly, why Ted fucking Kaczynski? I’m not like, actually a terrorist. (….yet. tehehe. NO, seriously I like non-maiming violence. Fuck yeah to property damage. Fuck yeah to disabling the system in extreme way. But no to wooden IEDs. Think of my shitty jokes that fail to land as my hand-crafted bombs). I think I like the shitness of Ted. He was just an epic fail of a terrorist. I’m a little white girl living in London. I’m not actually a primitivist, as much as I crave a hut in the woods. I did go to an elite school though. I had some really shitty experiences in the fashion industry in my early 20s, and I watch my friends who are relatively successful in that system and I get so angry on their behalf at their poor treatment. They think I’m too angry. Fuck that. They should be more angry, and the fact that they can’t be angry at their extreme precarity and the fact they’re still insecure and terrified of being ejected by the system after all their investment and skills they’ve built up is BULLSHIT. I’ll be double angry for them, I’m not invested in that system. I don’t need it to pay my rent. I’m free, motherfuckers, and I’m coming for the abusers and exploiters. If you’re a complacent industry figure not fighting hard from within, uggghhhhh fuck you. Yes, YOU. Soooo, I relate pretty hard to the MK ultra stuff. (go look him up, he was basically tortured and experimented upon by the elite). But there��s a pretty big chasm between my views and his, and I’ll try to be clear about the extent of my interest in his extreme beliefs. I haven’t even finished reading the manifesto. Basically, I watched that shitty show on Netflix with sam worthington around the same time I watched Joker (that movie fucked me up) and thought it’d be a good outlet to larp online as a terrorist. There’s the angry white alt-right school shooter aspect, which I’m still figuring out, cus I’m non-binary and I was raised by nutso trumpy right-wingers, who I barely speak to anymore, and I struggle to get along with people generally. There’s sad, self-pitying rage here. I empathise with the angry white dudes too much. I feel guilty about it. That’s good ground for artmaking (yes, shamefully, this…is…art. Sorry). I modelled this fursona a little after my brother, who I spent years living with and arguing with and trying to lift out of his scary racist youtube rabbit holes. This is actually quite an emotional thing for me, cus I did the ‘talk to your fascist family’ thing. And I completely failed. I realised his right-winginess wasn’t lessening, I wasn’t gaining ground, and in fact my excessive empathy and desire to reach out to the relative most similar to me in character meant his extremism was rubbing off on me. Making me more resentful and depressed. Feeling powerless. I was being too kind-hearted and forgiving of his masculine impotence. So I’m exploring some personal shit here. But Ted is also a cute lil fuzzball teddy bear. He means well, but me being super autistic and faily at social skills means he’s kind of a dick, cus I am. I’m going to try and further develop this character, this POV, and this post is the only time I’ll explain the divide between him and his creator (moi). The ‘I’ on the twitter and here is Ted Fashionski, I need that space between me and him. Masks give us this freedom to be more ourselves. Internet culture has lost a lot of its wild brutal anonymity in the last decade or so, now everyone’s afraid of making mistakes. How the hell do you grow if you’re not allowed to fuck up? This is a vital outlet. He’s become an important part of my life and I have to say, I love being Ted Fashionski. He’s like Paddington Bear who just escaped form Guantanamo or something.

I get pretty fatigued as a matter of course. I’m a long-term depressive since childhood. I have a difficult time keeping my hard-on for living. I don’t get suicidal really but I do struggle with extreme fatigue. I sleep a lot. I often fall into spirals of self-hate. And as someone who utterly believes in revolutionary leftist politics, I beat myself up about not doing enough. I’m so middle class and english and white. I was raised in such a chauvinistic and complacent culture; I don’t even know where to start. I’m wading my way through post-colonial literature and beating myself up for finding it boring and uncomfortable. It’s hard to force yourself to acknowledge your culture is The Bad Guys. It’s easier to fall into fanstasies of supremacy and butthurt misunderstoodness. And it’s not like my depressive brain needs any encouragement to hate me. My trajectory is ever leftwards, but I remember the righteous fury of being right-wing. I get it, that was me. We need more paths back from fascism, more comprehension of why people are that kind of shitty. I talk less, and less well, the more depressed I am. If I’m talking, it means im feeling a lot better. Just, fyi.

Give me a minute to be critical here. With the George Floyd protests, a lot of the cool guys on fashion twitter has gone blazingly hardcore on the political side. But there’s this troubling rhetoric about ‘no return to normal content’ or ‘this isn’t the time for fashion’. Like fuck it isn’t. This is a key problem with fashion culture right here, we have this received perception of fashion as empty escapism. Escapism matters in fashion, yes. But seriously, talking about the surfaces of things does not equal not caring about deeper meaning. What the fuck. Clothes are a connective tissue, a membrane between us. They’re emotional and powerful. We can talk about things that matter THROUGH clothes. I speak fashion, pretty fucking well. Most people who work at fashion magazines are morons with no understanding or respect for their subject. They’re incapable of doing it justice, and that’s deliberate. On this tumblr you’ll see rants and reviews of fashion and other artforms, always interpreting through a fashion lens. cus it matters, cus it’s a vital part of the culture, cus just because something has a glittery, seductive surface doesn’t mean it doesn’t communicate or contain depth. There’s no going back to ‘normal fashion content’, yes. Normal fashion content is a fucking psyop to divert legitimate interest in aesthetics amongst largely non-academic dyslexic visual types away from careful thought/feeling and towards empty consumerist commericiality. The traditional fashion media wants you to express yourself and your interest in the zeitgeist through buying more shit. Another fashion world is possible. Let’s destroy the old and build a new one, one where surface and spirit are connected and true and fashion can’t be abused in service of evil industrial monopolists.

/end rant. TLDR: angry fictional teddy bear with tin-foil hat and an eco-anarchist fetish says no to stupid fashion and yes to the renewal of conceptual fashion. Also, Fuck White People.

[bytedown]

==> Tell the truth

flippinoptimist hi i imight naut reply to big talky posts for a bit cause a friend showed up an im givin him weird confusion pie but im still here im just distracted unless you beep at me!

flippinoptimist wait i see the thing now!

bytedown

Oh! Alright, didnt mean ta be spotty, and you've not missed much, I got called away for a bit, an I'm not mobile

flippinoptimist i do that too sometides!  i get distracted easy but i try to remember to come back evventually hope it was for fun stuff

bytedown I try ta take fun where I can :)

flippinoptimist lol youre good at naut specifyin shit optimisms super great though, i think its important to findin all the secret cool endings when weird shit goes down

bytedown ..is it too terrible obvious I'm doin that?

flippinoptimist most people are kinda dumb so idk, but the clever ones that come from places where theres secret cops that blend into social groups and then arrest everybody w/ the wrong opinions are probably gonna notice or the ones from places where the wrong opinions get dudes killed in general youre p laid back an careful

bytedown LOL I aint a cop thats for damned sure

flippinoptimist lol sweet cause thats naut too popular a lotta places

bytedown Sounds like some real bad places, is that common?

flippinoptimist yeah p much i dont see it on dudes w/ green eyes often but life sure is sometimes most places have some p harsh lifestyles for whoevers on the bottom

bytedown Now that I'm real familiar with, though I'm thinkin my bottoms a bit different from th' one you're thinkin of

flippinoptimist

bytedown Gonna have ta quit the internet now, laughin too much

flippinoptimist B) i mean i bet shits different it always kinda is, but im curious what your deal is aint a lotta trolls that know much about magic, an the smart dudes that know how to naut spill their private shit all over are usually worth noticin you have no idea how many dudes home coordinates i get from offerin to send free pizzas no strings attached

bytedown Now thats a wee bit reckless of them

flippinoptimist right i mean i dont do anythin w/ it but i like collectin coords just to see if i can

bytedown ya realize the irony of sweet talkin me into givin up my secrets by complimentin my ability to keep them?

flippinoptimist its terrible! im cool w/ whatever im just curious B)

bytedown I can see you're curious, an thats a bit dangerous for me, I didn' break th' nanny restrictions on this thing ta be shut up so soon

flippinoptimist im naut a big fan of shuttin anybody up

bytedown ya could just be sayin that ta be honest

bytedown I don't much know anyone around here enough ta judge whos safe and who isnt

flippinoptimist you got a point there.  for what its worth, though its only a side gig, im an occasional space pirate, an i grew up scroungin shit and sayin w/e i felt like, and fuck what the system thought about it youll get more trust online from the ones smart enough to notice what youre doin, if you pick details that you are willin to share -- real or fake -- and stick to em or dont mind sayin that you dont know who to trust, that works too thatll probably get you a lotta concern an friendly ears to be honest

bytedown ...

flippinoptimist aight, ill stop bein pokey, but i like talkin in general what kinda stuff is low risk enough to chat about?

bytedown I'm just tryina think

flippinoptimist like, non-identifyin kk ill bug my friend whose visitin some

bytedown I don't even know, cause theres details that're gonna not fit, I'm already havin that trouble what I'm worryin about is you know the folks I dont want things gettin back to

flippinoptimist i got that feelin, yeah

bytedown I live on prosperity, I supposed thats safe enough ta tell ya and explains some stuff

flippinoptimist sorry for steppin all up in your shit, i didn mean to, i just notice things yeah it explains most a the bits that dont fit an the parts you aint used to.

bytedown if I'm gettin caught I oughta know about it, so I can fix shit

flippinoptimist is w/e's wrong w/ your bottom

somethin the dudes in charge could fix p easy?

bytedown you're weirdly fuckin charmin pretty sure they aint gonna care about my problems

flippinoptimist thanks, i like to think its my good side.  you seem neat too.

flippinoptimist ...yeah, if youre gettin caught, youll know about it before i say anythin.  im not promisin i wont yet, i dont know if you mean anybody harm, but like, youve been chattin in good faith so im gonna chat back in good faith have you heard about like, hemism yet? as a concept

bytedown I can fake that I know what that is real easy

flippinoptimist i mean, thats prob close enough for most shit, but like theres colors of trolls that, in most universes, get hatched slaves.  theres colors of trolls that, in most universes, get culled the second they peek outta the egg

bytedown Damn

flippinoptimist they hatched wrong, they get fucked.  an then theres colors a trolls that get the nice shiny pretty end of things. and theres dudes that rebel against the nice pretty shiny end of things and sometimes they win, and take over the universes they make and thats who sparks is.  he hatched into a not-people caste. and now his life is not like that anymore.

bytedown Dont tell him about me

flippinoptimist and like he spends a lotta his time an energy tryin to make things right for dudes in other universes... if you aint hurtin anybody i wont, but its kinda odd news to hear theres nasty shit goin down over there

bytedown fuckin here look

Thats me.

flippinoptimist oh dude your wings are kinda like mine

flippinoptimist yeah there sure is a lotta people bein pissy about fae in prosperity, i can see how youd be tweaked.  nice job photoshoppin your avatar

bytedown Some of the castle folk are kind enough, but he aint one of them.

flippinoptimist he gets p mad about stolen kids

bytedown A pixie has never stolen a child I'll guarantee you that.

flippinoptimist fuckin lol

flippinoptimist yeah thatd take some practice and effort an a clever series of hammocks an slings an shit theyre called slings when they aint like secured to a wall, right?

bytedown Slings are for huntin, I think

flippinoptimist theyre the same shape but you would probably want a different word for the throwin kind from the carryin kind when theres a baby in it

bytedown dependin on the type

flippinoptimist that is one a those cases where you do naut halfass the distinctions

bytedown lol

flippinoptimist as long as you aint like actively plannin stuff thatd hurt my dudes, i dont got a reason to tattle on anythin grats on gettin to the cross-dimensional internet on your own, that aint the easiest thing i think theyd be proud and interested to meet you if they knew you did, but, your call

bytedown He swats at us, did you know? and yells a fuckin lot

flippinoptimist

me in danger mode w wingles

bytedown blue eyes'll probably be mad about me stealin and retrofittin shit thats for proper people your wings're lovely, you're a very handsome lad

flippinoptimist i kinda want to tell him naut to do that shit since youre peopley enough to hack shit

bytedown I dont want him knowin about me

flippinoptimist yeah, aight. you mind me takin a coincidental interest in pixie shit that has nothin to do w/ anybody i may or may naut have met online? cause, he needs to be nice to dudes

bytedown Ya think he'll actually listen ta that?

flippinoptimist yeah

bytedown I caint stop ya from anything ya wanna do

flippinoptimist i mean like its super important to be good an im surprisingly attentive to that kinda deal, but when Grenades R Us starts tellin a dude to be more responsible w/ his shit a surprising number of dudes listen but like.  this is your shit and i dont got a right to meddle if you tell me to step off so if you tell me to go i dont say another word about it, and youre just a dude on the internet from a world a lot like prosperity

bytedown I don't wanna seem like I don't want some help, cause him not actin like a dick

bytedown 'd be nice

flippinoptimist not Not permission is p much all id need, i kind of go hunting when i find out someones been a douche

bytedown His partner likes us well enough, an set up a lil trade station. even if he doesn't seem ta believe we're literate.

flippinoptimist anybody like, talked to them about this? i mean i know that shits harder than it sounds when dudes are big and unpredictable

bytedown theres a wee bitty bit of a problem with talkin ta big folks An that has ta do with hearin range

flippinoptimist welp an illusions an shit dont cut it / arent an option im guessin

bytedown There was a real kind man who liked ta bake bread who was at the castle for a while, and he'd listen even though it was hard

bytedown Most've th' things I know how to do are for hidin, not for bein more noticable

flippinoptimist spooner?  human guy, hung out w sparks a lot?

bytedown yes!

flippinoptimist he was a guest a sparks, probably went back to his hive universe or somethin

bytedown It was a sad time for us all when he left

flippinoptimist lemme try an remember his blog

flippinoptimist hes been idle a while but you never know sometimes dudes come back after months a quiet http://cosmorobottips.tumblr.com/

bytedown ! Wonderful

flippinoptimist p much all the udes that have ever been through the castle have a blog or a trollian or both

bytedown Do Newsight and Suntouch?

flippinoptimist i know who would know and i dont mind askin quietly!

bytedown They're good people

flippinoptimist yeah.. i dont know em as much but i know one of newsights alternate selves a little bit he runs the teashop

bytedown They have milk and honey there (: We clean sometimes

bytedown You'd be surprised how many people will pay food for some cleaning

flippinoptimist theres a lusus in my hive that does the opposite of cleanin he likes rollin in dead things and fillin containers with sticks and leaves

bytedown That sounds like a bit of an adventure in not gettin sick from somethin

flippinoptimist i grew up outside, im good at naut gettin sick

bytedown Whats our definition of outside tday?

flippinoptimist i had a breather mask and a mud tent, an i swam down under trees on streams or into the sea shallows an burrowed into silt an slept there an came out when it was time to wake up most people do not think to look there

bytedown I lived in a tree hollow we cleared of deadwood, before I came to th' city

flippinoptimist an when you get good at it you can wiggle loose and un-mud w/o gettin much on you i lived in a big tree for a couple perigees...

bytedown how'd ya like th' tree?

flippinoptimist it was okay i think i like water or like, low-down skulky kinda lairs better

bytedown It'd gunk up my wings somethin fierce, I'm not a nixie

flippinoptimist they dont got a retracty deflatey mode?

flippinoptimist -- flippinoptimist has shared three contacts -- in order, those are newsight, suntouch, and twoblade the guy who is technically the city's diplomat right now

bytedown I'm afraid they're always out I'm grateful for th' contacts, you're a real chum

flippinoptimist that sounds inconvenient as shit and i mean, it seems like if im gonna give you kind of a scare an see straight through the cover story, its nice if i can like be cool too

bytedown terribly kind've ya

flippinoptimist B)!

flippinoptimist this one time, i decided to stop bein a dick, and its kinda stuck! im p happy about that, its been workin out for me

bytedown Seems ta be workin pretty well for ya!

flippinoptimist yeah!

bytedown Is there anythin you're needin ta know before you go pesterin someone out of the blue about beins he hates?

flippinoptimist has anyone Actually gotten hurt from him swattin, or just close calls?

bytedown We're fair fast, I don't think hes actually caught any of us

flippinoptimist good

bytedown if he'd actually hit one of us someone would've bit him

flippinoptimist yeah..an hed be kinda freaked out once he realised

bytedown Once he realized what?

flippinoptimist that hed been physically threatenin dudes w/o thinkin aboat it an did harm w/o realisin

bytedown Are you sure we're talkin about the same guy?

flippinoptimist cause like, "fuck off get outta my shit", sure, but "you have touched the coffeemaker pay in pain", naut so much yeah he gets yelly but hes nice once you get past that

bytedown The rules aren't always the same for us as proper people

flippinoptimist see that right there is the part that will make him tweak and decide to treat you exactly like regular people

bytedown What, because he found out I can type?

flippinoptimist hes a huge nerd, its a lot easier to notice smart people especially ones that are good at the same things that interest the nerd in question

bytedown :/ We're all fair smart, mate. Just too small for anyone ta notice

flippinoptimist yeah but as soon as someone does all bets are off and it is super fuckin easy to notice someone online where words are all there is

bytedown Th' elves know what we are an who and they could give less of a damn unless they need us ta do fine embroidery

flippinoptimist okay but like, also, fuck them

bytedown they like us for messengers too and th' like mostly

flippinoptimist have you heard a disruptive innovation

bytedown Cant say I have?

flippinoptimist like, search it real quick

flippinoptimist like its when a new thing gets made or learned, and it changes Everythin an fuckin Everybody has to move their shit around to adapt to the new way things are

bytedown sounds like an interestin concept

flippinoptimist usually its better tech -- "oh we have a cheap fast way to do this now, guess we'll stop payin hundreds of dudes to do it the slow way and theyll have to figure out new life plans" or science or shit -- "oops, everyone lives like twice as long as they dd before, we are gonna need a shitton new housing"

bytedown New types of magics do that sometimes

flippinoptimist ill bet!  sometimes like social movements or big political shit can do it too but.. thats basically what my deal is, or a bit part of where im tryin to aim what im about

bytedown You enjoy doin things that disrupt other things?

flippinoptimist yeah, kinda.  if it makes room for more possibilities than it tears down

flippinoptimist life is growth and change.  i got saddled with a destiny that makes me super good at bein smart and breakin shit.  sooo.... im gonna do it this way instead a the mean way.

bytedown They do say th' castle folk are gods

flippinoptimist theres a lotta arguin aboat that online sometides but yeah basically.  im kind of a half-formed young one that fucked up along the way, so i still gotta figure out a lot. i still dunno how the fuck prayer is supposed to work.  i will figure that one out though like i cant just Hear things.  i gotta figure out how to use magic to enable that

bytedown This's a lot ta think about, an I'm gettin real tired, its a wee bit late

flippinoptimist yeah i didnt mean to mess up your night or make it weird welcome to the outside internet

bytedown its a bit relievin not ta try ta pretend ta be a troll for a bit thank ya for th' welcome

flippinoptimist you might as well say youre a troll from one a the villages or somethin, they dont got good records from out there an prosperity is definitely v weird compared to other universes

bytedown I ah, cant lie

flippinoptimist oh, dang ... did you come from outside the city?

bytedown aye, I did

flippinoptimist somethin we could broadly describe as a rural home?

bytedown Ha, aye

bytedown I'll just say I'm from outside th' city

flippinoptimist then you wont get caught quite so easy w/ all the troll culture junk

bytedown Rest well, friend, and it was pleasant talkin to you

flippinoptimist im glad, you too dude!  good luck w/ your computery bits, if you ever wanna trade for junk hit me up most dudes online cannot get into prosperity even if they try, cause theres a like, lock on the universe to keep gross guys out.  it takes a password to get through.  im one of the dudes who can get in tho oh uh, bye, have a good one!

bytedown I'll remember that, though I doubt you could visit me, good night to you

flippinoptimist ill trust you on that one

[kkukkung]

Im crying in the school bathroom rn I seriously love wonho so much I'm in pain why is he my ideal guy in every way he's so amazing and handsome and sweet but whO CARES BEVause he don't kno me haha am I right

big mood all the time im always in pain bc he rly................ doesn’t KNOW i would let him shave off my eyebrows if he wanted 2

tardy replies as usual under the cut!

(sorted from oldest to newest)

I wouldn't even care if wonho was a high maintenance boyf tbh I'd just sit and comb his hair all day and tell him he's pretty

hdjkfh this was so long ago but i think i was mostly kidding abt him being a high maintenance bf... like he would do so much giving? but i guess the only thing he’d need is constant reassurance that his s/o loves him imo jfdhgjk... i also think he’d b someone who either doesn’t settle down ever or does it very late in his life!

annie 🌹literary queen ❤️ literally crowned with a laurel wreath! not be drum attic but this midsummer nights monsta au is so!!!! give me sistar as the four star crossed lovers then drag me to h*ll and give me this doctor faustus au i'm itching for with kihyun as faustus and k.will as mephistopheles bc i love to watch my faves s*ffer but don't let me rip until i get my much ado about nothing au with the entire cast of starship ent and a lil cameo from giriboy!

(in refence to this monsta x as shakespearean archetypes ask!) fjdshgkjs shh i lov u... why is k will as mephistopheles so Accurate esp no.mercy k will lmao. um u should write all of these? in fact if... if anyone has mx literary aus.... hmu...... i’ll n*t

another thing about that incident is that it seems like the fan doesn't think Changkyun and Jooheon undersood them?? (an extension i guess they assumed they don't understand english very well) and that's pretty problematic. it seems to me that when they didn't respond the fan assumed they didn't understand and kept repeating it, as a joke. but they literally did That to the two with the most proficient english in the group... it's rly a mess all around. it's disrespectful through and through

(in relation to that gross “d*ddy” incident from a while ago) ik i feel like some intl fans think korea is a land completely culturally and linguistically alienated/divorced from the rest of the world or something and while cultural relativism is real to some extent... the idea that koreans are completely unaware of ~outside~ things is deeply racist. like mostly white ppl think that diasphoric poc are completely Different from them? when my mum went to the states 15 years ago some ppl literally asked her if there were newspapers in china lol...

i just randomly thought of monsta x as sesame street characters mostly bc i wanna see kihyun and wonho duke it out as bert and ernie (kihyun w/ the waste paper bin on his head and wonho asking 'where's the waste paper bin' and kihyun saying 'ask me that again and look into my eyes') and also minhyuk being elmo tbh...

JKGHKJDF PLEASe!!!! when will something like this b photoshopped... minhyuk as elmo is... spot on... i remember once elmo appeared on a now-discontinued late night talk show program i used to watch when i was in primary school and he was like “elmo likes wasabi, that’s why elmo has no eyebrows” and idk why ive never been able to forget this????? very lmh. also this made me think of a monsta x muppets au n minhyuk is the pic of ass-gape kermit.... next post of mine will b monsta x as kermit reaction pics

Hyungkyun is such an under appreciated ship. Like, they just get each other so well? Why do people overlook it. ㅠ.ㅠ Do you have a moment that made you ship them? How would you describe their dynamic?

it’s bc they’re intp x intj they don’t rly... Understand each other with minimal effort/real communication lmao it’s very efficient. both quiet lil darlings who aren’t emotionally That Open but enjoy their own little space together sometimes?? their dynamic is like... they’re weird in different ways but they’re v chill together. u can tell hyungwon is super fond of changkyun like he has this Expression when ck does anything at all.... i think these two rly love each other’s personalities bc they’re both kind/gentle/peaceful types and their overall ?? vibe is just highly compatible... they’re absolute darlings... v soft together... i can’t think of a favourite moment but i rly rly love their birthday messages for each other last year like changkyun’s message for hyungwon was like “ur rly cool bruh ur rly such a great person” and hyungwon’s message for changkyun was rly... just him obviously doting on him n finding him cute jksfdhg i lov them a lot :(

soyou: i know how to make hair pretty :))) knetz: dirty fckn iljin why can't she be out there being being PRODUCTIVE in society by having babies and learning how to be a good wife for her future husband ://// smh how dare she be successful now when i'm stuck doing what society wants me to do but also anonymously attacking ppl i don't personally know on the internet bc THATS respectable the irony of ugly knetz is so transparent

The whole thing about Knetz and wonho's "scandalous" past reminded me of something. As a PSA to those people who are so insistent and pushy that idols aren't allowed to have sex/date/be anything but straight: Fuck all of you. You do not own these people, and if you really cared about them you'd be happy if they were happy. Like tbh, if anyone that famous and busy could also balance out a relationship at the same time, I'd be so happy for them. It really bugs me how all idols are supposed (1/2)(2/2) have this squeaky clean innocent image where they have to look and act a certain way and have these stupid fucking dating bans because once they don't meet up to that image their success suffers. Idols already give up so much privacy, and the last thing they need is millions of people scrutinizing every little thing they do. I don't even know where I started this rant from, but basically, GIVE IDOLS PRIVACY AND DONT JUDGE THEM FOR THEIR PASTS OR FOR BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS OR WHATEVER

yeth ty for highlighting the gross obsession w purity and productivity (like the first anon said -- a very confucian sort of ideal)... i don’t rly have anything else to add here i think. also i would fight for soyou i fact i would fight lmh who said she was his ideal type in no.mercy era... she’s rly one of my faves and the way she was slandered for the hairdressing thing was one of the most ridiculous things knets ever did lmao honestly yuk

u a kihyun stan now👀👀👀

im a @fhiz​ stan it’s the same thing tbh

ahh so i saw your tags on that jh gifset! as one of the few jh stans (or maybe there are way more than i think there are lol) i rly love his "reversal charm." he has a lot of what i lack as a person: a strong presence and a lot of confidence! i respect him so much as a person alth i rag on him a lot LMAO. sorry if this is a bit long winded but i just rly wanted to put this out there ;;

this is rly cute i lov hearing ppl talk abt their faves lovingly it rly... Heals Me. i think it’s strange how underappreciated jooheon is in this fandom especially bc he’s usually the one who catches ur eye first bc he’s so hyped by starship as being a one-in-a-million talented rapper u know? and he rly shines in mvs and no.mercy but............. y does he have the least fansites jkfhdg ?? you’re v right abt the reversal charm thing but i feel like sometimes it’s very overdone like... on lots of shows he’s asked to do aegyo when rly he should be asked to... idk... rap or dance or something?? i actually think jooheon is the most serious member of monsta x sometimes bc he seems to have a sense that he’s.. the pillar of mx if that makes sense? and that’s why he’s always pushing himself and working tirelessly like he feels very Responsible for this group, more than anyone else. idk if that makes sense!!! i love him and i want him to... unwind a bit bc sometimes he looks so stressed and tired but he still feels the need to pretend to be energetic like my heart rly hurts for him :/ this got so emo im sry i do rly love to hear that u respect him sm i love jooheon stans :(

i can see what u mean about jooheon being 1 of the most masculine. (iirc u also talked abt kihyun being that in a post a while ago) like with his face and his physique he really is striking; his body=like that slim,upside-down Y that you'd learn to draw men w/ in Anatomy 101 , but i think.. ,--not that u asked, but,, i think the jury's still out on if he's comfortable w his masculinity with the way he acts feminine lyk misogynistic comedians Can sound like dead ringers for women,? idk & i take +

(not sure if there was a 2nd part to this? there’s nothing else in my inbox so i’m sry if there was and tumblr ate it) yeth i think i meant that his demeanor is the most ~~masculine~~ whereas i think kihyun is still the most... idk... mature-masculine?? if tht makes sense, and i definitely agree w u on that second point! i didn’t think of that at the time but now that i... do... think abt it... ur right and also the way he comes back from it by putting on the >swag demeanor again in an attempt to polarise it is definitely a bit 👀👀👀 he probably doesn’t want to risk his Manly Rapper Image for real u kno? that said it’s ingrained in kpop that behaving cute --> “girly” entails that sort of “comedic” high-pitched voice + compact body language etc.... like i’m not condoning that ofc but i definitely think it’s broader than this particular case! :/ hm

maybe i'd be doing better in school if i could major in kihyunology ;~; i stan him but i def think we still don't know much about him even after all this time after debut. especially when i look at him compared to wonho who wears his heart on his sleeve (bless him i love wonho sm, gotta protect this bun at all costs!!)...but ya it just makes me wanna learn more about him like who is the real kihyun??

i want to write a kihyun meta when i have time... i feel like i Get him a bit more these days but it’s also very hard to put into words bc u kno when u kinda sorta mb get some1 but it’s a feeling rather than anything conveniently expressable gkjdhfjk.... idk if anyone wants to send in some Kihyun Thoughts + Meta feel free! :>> i don’t think he’s actually... as complex as we sometimes make him out to be lol like his behaviour is actually kind of predictable? more on his later

wait is the february comeback actually true? ugh i'm so conflicted cuz on one hand i'm excited if there's really gonna be a full length album, but i also think they need more rest but then there's the matter of getting their first win and idk i'm super psyched but i'm also worried that the boys are being overworked

i still feel like they had a comeback like yesterday lol like looking at their schedules stresses me out bc they do so much..... im glad wonho got to go to his mum’s cafe recently tho! all we can do is have faith in them rn and when it’s time... stream, buy things if ur able to, spread the news and the hype etc. i am definitely Worried abt some things like the competition they’re up against but.... gotta have faith u kno... and i feel like all active idols are kind of... permanently worked very hard but i think currently only jooheon and shownu are a bit Overloaded. also has the date been confirmed yet... it’s february already...

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: 9th December 2018

Geez, today was a busy week. Before we talk about the top 10, however, let’s just get the massive elephants out of the way.

CHRISTMAS NONSENSE

It’s the festive season and one way people celebrate the holidays is by listening to its music – usually, Christmas music, of course, and since I review all returning entries that I haven’t talked about yet, sigh... There are seven of these so I’m going to go as quick as possible, but just bear with me throughout this section because I really don’t like Christmas music all that much. Let’s just get it over with.

#39 – “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee

This is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, a song written by Johnny Marks and released in 1958 in the US, being left on the shelf for four years until its release in the UK in 1962. In 1963, it peaked at number-six and has since re-entered due to digital downloads, with one of its highest recent peaks being number-seven last year. It’s pretty inoffensive rockabilly, with some nice very-50s guitar licks coming in throughout, and some decently-sounding production, but really it’s not anything of internet until that sax solo. That solo is freaking gorgeous, and I’m glad it’s there, because otherwise this would just kind of fall to the wayside. Not sure I like Lee’s voice on here, it comes off as a bit nasal, but it’s not a big deal. It’s alright, I guess. I expected to say RIP here since she was popular such a long time ago, but no, she’s still alive and kicking. Good for her.

#36 – “Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens

Now this is where it all breaks down into dread. This song by Shakin’ Stevens is Godawful, mostly because of how painfully manufactured the whole thing is. It’s overproduced Christmas music that is just jolly feelings and nothing else. Those horns that kick in after the first verse are pretty cool, but Stevens doesn’t sound great here – or at least I can’t tell because he’s drowned in reverb – and the choir might as well be a computer for all I care. Also, the sax solo was cool the first time in Brenda Lee’s track, but here it’s just trite, especially when you add those shooby-doo-wops over it. This track was initially the Christmas number-one for 1985, and I understand why, but does it really have to come back every year since 2007 – for over 60 weeks in total? Oh, it peaked last year at #10 too. Let’s hope this upwards trend doesn’t continue.

#35 – “Santa Tell Me” – Ariana Grande

Now for a more recent one from arguably the biggest popstar in the world right now, with her 2014 song that actually failed to chart in the Top 40 initially until last year at #29, and that’s its peak so far... whilst I’ve never been a fan of the cleaner, refined Ariana Grande records, I do have a soft spot for this one. That melody is infectious and the sleigh bells complement the synth bass in a way I didn’t think they would, and it’s not like the drums are all that overpowering here, although a trap skitter would have worked better here (yeah, I know, not something I say often). It’s surprisingly romantic and sensual for a song with Santa in the title, actually, although it’s about men who have wronged her. Anyway, Ariana kills it but what else do you expect from a song from her at this point? It’s a good track, although the final chorus with the choir is really cluttered, just saying, it’s messy.

#30 – “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” – Michael Bublé

This here is Michael Bublé’s cover of traditional Christmas classic written in 1951 by Meredith Wilson, and it’s not great. Obviously, I mean, it’s Michael Bublé, ever since “Haven’t Met You Yet” he’s been utterly useless seasonal radio fodder. Bublé never really sounds bad but he never sounds interesting, and this production isn’t doing him any favours. It’s sickly sweet strings and brass for the most part, with some piano added in there for good measure, after what seems to be way too long of just airy synth, string and guitar noise – that’s really out of place, guys, why is this on the single edit? Ah, what else to say? Oh, right, nothing.

#26 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid

Oh, I know it’s Christmas time, alright, this song won’t let me forget it. I could ramble on about how preachy and awful this charity single is but other people have done it better. I just have four short things to say – 1.) this was the most popular song in the UK of the entire 80s. Yikes. 2.) This is the worst thing the Boomtown Rats have had any involvement in. They’re such a great band, hell so are Culture Club. How do Boy George, the Boomtown Rats, Ultravox, Phil Collins, U2, Kool & the Gang, Sting and Duran Duran make something this awful? They’re all absolutely fantastic musicians in their own right. 3.) That synth that kicks in after a while is pretty ugly, not gonna lie, and is unfitting for the condescending Christmas charity single angle they’re going for here – mostly because that’s what it really is. 4.) We’ve remade and reissued and re-entered this song too many times. Let it go, Britain. Please. We’re begging you. It’s for a good cause, and I appreciate how much money it’s raised, but it’s also garbage.

#18 – “Fairytale of New York” – The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl

They use the word because it was the 80s, it’s not meant to mean homosexual and it’s not used in that context – albeit still a negative one – and the climate of Ireland, especially the Celtic punk scene, wasn’t exactly going to care about dropping that slur in their Christmas single. It should still be censored, though, I mean, black rappers saying the N-word is morally okay, but we still mute those, right? Anyway, this is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. It starts with a beautifully elegant piano melody, with the lead singer of the Pogues, Shane MacGowan, mumbling his way through his verse, but instead of people like Future or Lil Baby, there’s still a lot of sincerity there, I feel, and a lot of soul is put into expressing the lyrics here in the raspy tone that I absolutely love. I’m not going to talk much about the story here mostly because I’m not going to go in-depth, but it’s about a typical love story going awry at some point due to a betrayal. Oh, and the moment the Celtic traditional instruments come in is one of the best moments in music – ever. Kirsty MacColl sounds so lovely here, and the harmonisations in the chorus are fantastic. That flute solo is gorgeous, and the juxtaposition between “you’re a bum, you’re a punk, you’re an old s--- on junk, lying there almost dead as a drip on that bed” and the cheerful instrumental is just hilarious to me, especially since right after “Happy Christmas your a---, I thank God it’s our last” is immediately followed by the bombastic drunk sing-a-long chorus. The third verse is also such a great back-and-forth, man, I can’t even bring to words how much I admire and adore this piece of music. This is the best song I think I’ve ever talked about on this show, by far, but it could have easily not been close if “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders returned this week. We’ll just hope for next week, I guess. Rest in peace to Kirsty MacColl, gone much too young.

#14 – “Last Christmas” – WHAM!

Finally, we have our last Christmas song for this week’s holiday REVIEWING THE CHARTS special. It’s an anti-climactic end, to be honest, because I’m pretty indifferent to this song. It’s pretty 80s, to be fair, so I’ve got to like some of the cheesy falsetto vocalisations from the late George Michael at the start, as well as those repetitive synths that keep themselves from sounding awful by having those sleigh bells and pretty damn nice keys covering them. That chorus is iconic, but the rest of the lyrics are just forgettable. Honestly, it’s a good background song and it’s a well-written, catchy pop track with Michael putting in some good vocals throughout, but, it’s nothing special. Nothing but respect to George Michael, though, rest in peace, he’s a pop legend over here.

Christmas Conclusion

The best Christmas song on the charts right now is easily “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, but an Honourable Mention goes to Mariah Carey for “All I Want for Christmas is You”. Yup, that’s still here, we’ll get to that in a second. Worst of the Week goes to Band Aid for “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” You should be ashamed, Bob. Dishonourable Mention is going to Shakin’ Stevens for “Merry Christmas Everyone”. Other Christmas songs you should check out are “Christmas in Harlem” by Kanye West, Teyana Taylor and CyHi tha Prynce featuring Musiq Soulchild (heck, check out the longer version if you wish), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Tyler, the Creator and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by DMX. Yes, those last two actually exist. Now, this Christmas section has taken longer and is longer to read than about half of my normal episodes, so I think we should get straight into...

Top 10

Well, this all feels a bit more familiar. “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande is still at the top of the charts five weeks in, and it doesn’t really seem to have much competition.

Ava Max, however, is making a surprise run for the top, up four spots to number-two, with “Sweet but Psycho”. I wouldn’t exactly be complaining if this hit the top either.

“Without Me” by Halsey is up a spot to number-three.

We have a new entry from the most recent X Factor winner, Dalton Harris, with a cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Christmas classic “The Power of Love”, featuring James Arthur. I guess awful Christmas songs aren’t going away for that long, huh? Obviously this is Dalton’s first top 10, and Arthur’s fifth.

“Thursday” by Jess Glynne is down two spaces to number-three.

Up a whopping 28 spaces this week to number-six is, you guessed it, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”. This isn’t its first top 10 turn, and it’s not its peak, but still impressive to reach here nonetheless.

This means “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is down five spaces to number-seven.

“Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie has actually gained nine spaces, surprisingly, and to my dismay, to number-eight, becoming Arthur’s sixth and Anne-Marie’s fifth.

Oh, and if you wanted even worse news, up an even larger 29 spaces is “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez, becoming both their first (and hopefully for 6ix9ine, only) top 10 hit at number-nine. I like the song, but I don’t like Tekashi, to say the least.

We have another new entry at #10 this week with “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus. This is Ronson’s sixth top 10 hit and Cyrus’ fourth (yeah, I thought she had more too).

Now, instead of separating what happened on the charts into Dropouts, Climbers, Returning Entries, Fallers and such, let’s separate into two sections: “What Survived” and “What Suffered”.

What Survived

What survived means essentially everything that still managed to chart this week, and I’m actually surprised by how much power some of these songs have. Going in reverse order, I have no idea how “Arms Around You” by XXXTENTACION, Lil Pump, Swae Lee and Maluma managed to cling on despite a 17-space fall to #40. “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is down 16 to #38, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down four to #37, “Empty Space” by James Arthur is down 10 to #34 (why did James Arthur of all people have the strength to stay during the avalanche?), “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is down eight to #33, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is down 27 to #32 (considering both streaming cuts and Christmas bloodbath), “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker has returned to #31 for some reason, “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish is down seven to #28 (again, surprised this one’s still here), “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez is down eight to #27, “1999” by Charli XCX and Troye Sivan is down 11 to #24, “Polaroid” by James Blue, Liam Payne and Lennon Stella is down 11 to #23, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is down eight to #22, “Better” by Khalid is down five to #20, “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee is down seven to #16, as is “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Travis Scott and Offset right next to it at #15, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is down five to #12, and everything else that’s currently charting is either simply not notable (a drop or climb less than four spaces), in the top 10, a new arrival, a Christmas re-entry or in the top 10. Jesus. Now, what’s gone?

What Suffered

This is a little nicer name for what’s dropped out in the absolute onslaught of Christmas music and new arrivals (all returning and new entries this week total to 12 songs that weren’t on the chart before). This week was an absolute bloodbath, and these are the murder victims. Former #1 “Shotgun” by George Ezra is out from #30, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is out from #28, “AirForce” by Digdat is out from the #20 debut, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is out prematurely from #27, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is out again from #36, another former #1 “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is out from #31, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is out from #32, “I Found You” by benny blanco and Calvin Harris is out from #29, “MIA” by Bad Bunny featuring Drake is out from #35, “Always Remember Us this Way” by Lady Gaga is out from #39, “Goodbye” by Jason Derulo and David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj and Willy William is out from #40 and finally, “Back and Forth” by MK, Jonas Blue and Becky Hill is out from #37. I’d say it’s time to move onto the New Arrivals – but before, I’d like to say that the BBC redesigned their UK Top 40 page, and it looks pretty cool. Anyways:

NEW ARRIVALS

#29 – “MAMA” – 6ix9ine featuring Kanye West and Nicki Minaj

Of course, DUMMY BOY only had a stunted tracking week last week, so we have the effects of the album this week. This is 6ix9ine’s third top 40 hit in the UK, Nicki Minaj’s thirty-seventh (yeah, I know, it’s insane), and Ye’s even crazier forty-third, and to be honest, it’s inoffensive, which is something I’d never thought I’d say about a 6ix9ine song, but, hey, it is what it is. Murda Beatz’s production is pretty cool for what it is, and I do like the eerie synth loop. 6ix9ine’s delivery is lazy and boring – and I still think we shouldn’t let rappers say they kick women out of doors – but he doesn’t last long so when Kanye comes in with that “man, oh my God” refrain it gets so much better. I’m so used to Kanye West’s pop-culture rambling, social media criticism/obsession, somehow relating to women nonsense he brings to nearly every single verse he does recently that I’m used to it, it’s just something I’ve heard before delivered relatively comedically. Nicki’s refrain and verse actually has some work put into it, unlike the dudes’ bars, so yeah, I appreciate that, although her delivery and cadence is exhaustingly blunt and straightforward, to the point where it’s just kind of tiring. There’s some decent wordplay there, I guess. This is okay enough, and pretty much top-tier Tekashi to be honest. “KANGA” also featuring Ye is even better, though.

#17 – “Going Bad” – Meek Mill featuring Drake

Meek Mill and Drake working together is something I expected to happen anyway. Meek and Drake have seemingly squashed their beef and have relaxed after the “Back to Back” situation and their popular 2015/2016 beef that revealed a lot about Drake, specifically his ghostwriting from Quentin Miller, and eventually stressed Meek’s relationship with Nicki enough for them to break up as a result. Oh, and you better believe they mention “back to back” because of course they do, it’s the only funny wordplay they can conjure up, apparently. This is Meek Mill’s first ever top 40 hit in the UK (congratulations) and in stark contrast, Drake’s forty-fifth (yes, even more than Kanye), and his thirteenth just this year (probably and hopefully his last), and it’s mediocre. I didn’t know what to expect because I’ve never really cared enough about Meek to listen to him, but an out-of-tune piano absolutely demolished by some bass while Drake spouts off with stuff like “I got more slaps than the Beatles” isn’t exactly the best first impression. Is there a chorus here, or not? I can’t tell, everything’s just kind of the same until the ad-lib break that’s long enough for Genius to count it as an entirely different section of the song than in Meek’s verse. It was “Interlude” when I looked but it might be “Post-Chorus” now. Yeah, it should be clear I don’t care enough about this song. I do like Drake’s delivery in the hook, though, it’s pretty energetic, but not enough to save it.

#10 – “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” – Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus

So, yeah, I like this. It starts with some beautiful strings right before Miley Cyrus fades in with her country twang that I’m starting to really appreciate, and those guitars come in to complement her and the deeper bass that I like the addition of, it really contrasts the otherwise pretty light production, that seems to be dramatic but kind of unfitting for the lyrical content about how the world can hurt you but heartbreak is the worst possible thing, because despite the beat’s melodrama it’s too upbeat to really work here, I feel. Ah, well, the hook is pretty memorable, and the orchestral stings is just one little barely-noticeable production quirk that I can talk about, seriously, Mark Ronson puts so much effort into crafting these songs over the years, it’s pretty great. It may be a bit too repetitive and slow for my taste, but, yeah, I can dig this. Good song, just not much to say about it.

#4 – “The Power of Love” – Dalton Harris featuring James Arthur

The girl gets Leona Lewis, the Scouse dude gets Kaiser Chiefs, yet the WINNER gets James Arthur?! Really, James Arthur? Poor dude. You must know you’re an amazingly talented singer when you get James Arthur put on your song and you still make a surprisingly decent winner’s single, hell, even win in the first place. Arthur is such an awful vacuum of talent, I was scared Harris would be affected by this but no, even with my half-bothering with the show this year I can tell he’s been consistently great, and he’s definitely not bad on here either, although the production has no unique charm to it and is just plastic Syco production as you expect, with James Arthur bringing an above-average performance (this means still pretty bad) with his moaning and straining that just pains me to listen to. Seriously, James, let’s have a cactus-to-man talk and let me teach you how to not sound like my dead cat who just popped some Xanax.

Conclusion

Worst of the Week goes to Dalton Harris and James Arthur for “The Power of Love” – at least “Going Bad” has some energy and legitimate soul to it, although Meek Mill and Drake still get Dishonourable Mention. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus take Best of the Week home for “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”, and hell Kanye and Nicki made “MAMA” bearable enough for them and 6ix9ine to get Honourable Mentions. See ya next week, where we’ll probably see a few more Christmas songs. Delightful.

[myawfulfanfictions-blog]

I literally titled it Western Sexytimes BTF

Marty McFly was so done with all this shit. First he gets sent back to the past and has to fight his mother’s attentions and play matchmaker between her and his dad. Then he goes to the future to save his kid but old Biff screws things up and changes the past. Then he goes back to the past before his starting point to prevent young Biff from screwing things up. Then he has to go to the Wild West. Dressed like the gayest cowboy in the world.

And apparently in the wild west, sexual orientation didn’t matter much as long as a guy was on top. But the poor fool on the bottom? Well, let’s just say the slang was surprisingly similar to what they used nowadays.

It all started when he first landed/drove into the wild west and the Indians were chasing him.

They stopped and stared.

Then an old wrinkled Indian with feathers and beads in his hair dismounted his horse. He turned to Marty and spoke.

“White man sodomizer,” he said in heavily accented English.

When Marty escaped them he ran into the cavalry.

“Well I say, I’ve never seen anything quite so…effeminate,” said a mustached cavalry leader.

Hell even the bear tried telling Marty how gay he was with interpretive dance, consistently pointing to its nether regions and Marty’s ass.

And when Marty was saved by his own great-grandfather’s parents, they gave him strange looks. But the baby said it straight out. “Gaygayagay,” Great grandpa William babbled in Marty’s arms before peeing on him with a knowing look. Which is totally creepy on a baby, to be honest.

Then he went into town. Everyone stared at him, man and woman. Even the children stared.

So he entered the Saloon looking for Doc.

“Hey McFly. Ah thought ah told you t’never show yer face here again,” of course. What would time travel even be without running into a Tannen?

Then he turned around and there was a manly looking cowboy with a gang of gunslingers giddily gawking-okay, evil cowboy henchmen (Marty’s brain gets alliterative when he’s nervous).

“An’ who might you be, li’l Pansy lookin fella?”

“Marty-Clint. Clint Eastwood,” he said.

“Well ain’t he purty in pink, right fellas?” Marty blushed as another mothertrucking Tannen got into his personal space.

“Check out them teeth boss,” said evil cowboy henchman number 1. “Only a man in’erested in th’ biznis o’ pleasurin’ other folks keeps his teeth that clean.”

The men were leering at Marty.

“He’s much prettier th’n those harlo’s up there. Whattaya say we take ‘im for a spin.” Evil possibly gay cowboy henchman number 2 said.

“Hey, I am not gay. No fucking homo. Goddamit 1950s, why do your cowboy costumes have to be so gay? I ain’t no queer or ‘sodomizer’!” Marty McFly was so done with this shit.

“Now holdup sweet thang. You don’t have to say one more word. Buford here’ll decide your fate. Personally I hope to keep ya.” Evil certainly gay cowboy henchman number 3 lightly slapped Marty’s face. “Y’all are much too pretty t’ be a dead man,” he leered.

“I think you are all just sexually confused and frustrated guys who will definitely eventually give each other AIDS one day. And hey, did you say Buford? As in Buford ‘Mad Dog’ Tannen?”

Mad Dog hissed and everyone in the saloon hid. “I. Hate. That. Name. For that I’ma ride you like a dog. S’all about establishin’ that you’re stronger’n the other guy, which won’t be too hard, eh runt?”

Marty gulped and reached for the first alcoholic drink he’d ever been served, downing it in one gulp. It burned as it went down, but the liquid courage lived up to its name.

“J-just leave me alone you gay cowboys. Geez,” he said and tried to run away. Instantly he had four guns in his face. “Dance li’l runt,” Buford said and shot at Marty’s feet.

“Technically that’s redundant,” Marty whined while jumping and ducking. He decided to actually dance, distracting the men who were now salivating at his moves.

“This one’ll be great in bed,” definitely gay said.

“He ain’t a woman but he’s breathin’ an’ well-groomed,” said henchman number 1.

“After him!” yelled Buford. Indeed, Marty had used the dancing to sneak away and ran out of the saloon, short legs taking him as far away as possible. 5’4 isn’t short. It’s not!

The evil gay cowboys jumped onto their horses (not a euphemism) and rode after Marty, who was eventually captured by a lasso.

“Well lookee here. We’ve caught ourselves an appetizer. Now y’all better not get that pretty lil’ outfit’a yours dirty boy. Now stand up an’ walk behind us or we will make y’ regret it.”

Marty stood up and ran behind the horse, too terrified to even stumble.

They trotted/walked for hours before coming across a big ranch with a mansion that almost bled money.

“Please let me go,” Marty huffed. “I’m gonna pass out man.”

He was led to the stables where the horses were tied up and Buford still did not let go of the dumb lasso.

The evil gay cowboys then laid him on the stable floor and started tying his legs to some posts.

“Wait, wait! You got me, I am a prostitute. Now if you tie me up and use me you might feel as good as a horsefucker. But if you let me do my thing, you’ll have a more willing partner who will make you feel good.” Damn his dumbass mouth. At least he’d have some semblance of control if they listened, but how would he be able to tell it was rape in the future-his future-if he was initiating?

The gay cowboys looked at each other and then at Buford. “Ya bring up some good points. Displease us an’ we’ll go back t’ this. I must say, I ain’t neva seen a male prostitute before, but mah expectashins are th’ same.”

They brought him into the house, still in that damn lasso. There was a room with a vintage looking bed that was huge for the 1850s. Marty climbed onto it and noticed the cowboys holding some rope menacingly. He gulped.

“So, a-uh-a few standard procedures before we begin. One: we limit this uh sex party to the house, not the barn or stables. Two: we have some kind of lubricant and protection-”

“-Protecshin? Ah’ve got protecshin right here,” one of the confused henchmen said and held up his gun.

Marty remembered the magical immunity pill Doc made him take in 2015 that would protect him from any disease past, present, and future from his base line time (1985).

“Uh nevermind. About that lubricant though….” He trailed off, questioning.

“What kinda whore don’t carry supplies with ‘er? Th’ only lubricant in this house is water ‘n saliva. We’d love for you t’use saliva,” probably gay said, stroking Marty’s cheek.

“Right, okay. I’m a little new at this, got a family to feed, sorry.” He ducked from the man’s gaze.

“Git started boi or ah’ll tie you t’ the bedposts and fuck you dry.”

Marty sighed and got to work, remembering his alternative. He hummed a sexy tune and started dancing, the pelvic moves of the 1980s a sight for the cowboys. Gaining more confidence, he started to sing.

“I’m bringing sexy back. Yeah. Them motherfuckers don’t know how to act. Yeah…dirty babe. You see these shackles baby I’m your slave,” he gestured to the rope and pretended to tie it around his neck. “I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave,” he grabbed Tannen’s whip and playfully tapped it against his ass. “It’s just that no-one makes me feel this way.”

The men watched as he slowly stripped out of his very pink outfit and tossed it on Definitely Gay, humming the chorus.

“Ah thought you said ya’ll was new t’this. Where’d ya learn t’do that?” Probably Gay’s eyes were wide with wonderment.

“The internet. Spent a lot of time in 2015, hence Justin Timberlake.” They all looked at him confused and he gave a sexy smirk, resuming his singing-dancing-stripping routine.

Once he was naked, he had to let the men touch his body.

“Such smooth supple skin,” Hench no 1 said as he rubbed his hands up Marty’s back. Marty leaned into the touch and moaned as he’d seen girls do in the adult theater back home. He felt more hands caress him and imagined he was at home with a bunch of girls. Suddenly he was painfully hard and he could feel how hard the other men were as he clumsily rubbed up against them, grinding on their crotches. His breathing slowed and his face turned red. He then felt himself being picked up and moved away from his little pre-orgy.

“Hey, what gives?” he asked.

It was Buford who looked exactly like Biff up close, Marty noticed.

“Ah’m takin’ ‘im first. Ya’ll can have him after me.” Marty’s heart pounded with fear and…anticipation?

“Now make like a forest and g’t!” He bellowed. His henchmen left the room disappointedly.

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