#im inevitable

[neuro-il-logical]

ok so i hear a lot of people talking about different tism symptoms, how they affect life, and how misleading the discription of some of them are (i.e. literal thinking, rigid rule following, etc.) and one of them really stuck out to me.

the one i've seen a lot of people talking about how neurodivergent people see a list of to-do things and neurotypicals see a pie. they take a piece of pie and no one expects them to complete the actual fucking list in its entirety.

i feel like this kimda sorta relates to something i foumd out about recently about my school days.

ar reading levels. holy shit. i genuinelt fucking thought that once you had a range of levels you could read, you were only allowed to read within that godforsaken range. i abhored it. i wanted to read books from like fifth fucking grade and beyond im third grade and i thought i couldn't because those stupid books weren't within the bounds of my reading level range. and that range was so goddamned small that i couldn't find anything in that range that peaked my interest.

i started homeschooling in high school. ninth fucking grade. i learned that i didn't have to abide by the reading range i was assigned in seventh-eighth grade. i wasted so much fucking time abiding by my reading range that when i came up to my librarian, bemoaning not being able to check out a book i wanted because it was outside my ar level, and she told me that the ar levels were nothing but

motherfucking guidelines

and that i was allowed and goddamned encouraged to read whatever the kentucky chicken fried fuck i pleased...

well.

i've cried over this years later. i'm twenty motherfucking years old and this still pisses me the fuck off. i actively held myself back from branching out and reading harder books because of a stupid reading range that no one told me was just a guideline until too late.

[crowkip]

yeehaw, baby!

[wulfhalls]

jace suggesting targaryen bastards could make potential dragon riders: this is great this is fun

jace realising he's devaluing his one claim to legitimacy and symbol of power: this is sooo very bad this is so not funny

[xxplastic-cubexx]

this_is_stupid.mp4

[hazeleyed-fay]

i feel like im in a weird demographic when it comes to the percy jackson live action series because of the age i was when i read them. cause i read the lightning thief for the first time when i was in single digits, so percy being twelve seemed appropriately grown up. and then as i got further into the series and into heroes of olympus, percy got older with me, and was always kinda broadly my age or a little older. so like, the movie cast was too old when that happened, because they were way older than me. but now the series cast is actual twelve year olds (or so) and they are so obviously just little babies that im now forced to confront the fact that uhhh percy was in fact a fuckin child when all this started??? exCUSE ME???

[madamemiz]

sad: falling out of a hyperfixation

tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it

[hinamie]

every so often i have to relearn how to draw yuuji or he starts fighting me

[ot3]

glassblowing rules because it's like one of the single most hardcore and impressive processes in the entire art world yet almost everything you make with it looks lame as hell. it's essentially a form of smithing that only produces neglected gift shop tchotchkes.

[dizzybizz]

"this is regrettably the best kiss of your life, you understand?"

[doodledrawsthings]

Hey just wanted to let you know that my good friend Zerum (who is totallyyy not the creator of hit character Sebastian Solace haha) is very normal about your art of him :] But seriously both of us adore your art!! when we saw you draw him we yelled like sdfghjkl ;;v;; also you hit the nail on the head with the brotherly dynamic!

BHWUH???

Thank you so much????? I'm a fan of your work too so this is super flattering to hear! He's a lot of fun to draw, so tell Zerum I said thanks and that I'm glad she likes it. I can't say I've played the game much because I'm a frequent patron of the local Weenie Hut Jr, but I think the character is a lot of fun. Here's the guy

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

[puppyeared]

surfs up!!

[dyketennant]

as someone who has obviously done extensive research on the topic i would like to present to you all...dyketennant's "which david tennant character are you" uquiz

[xxplastic-cubexx]

this dang helmet gonna be the death of me

[cubbihue]

Peri's no good terrible bad day just seems to get worse and worse!

Timmy's hoping his baby brother didn't hear the whole conversation. But with that expression on his face, Timmy suspects it may be a bit too late for him. Timmy's companion scurried away as soon as he noticed Poof. A Pixie can sense drama and conflict from miles away.

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[ethosiab]

uh yeah shes real scary huh etho