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flnpushy · 1 year

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Classic Story...

all birth stories

My old Story: Anna's Birth Struggle Anna had recently graduated and was college bound. Being 18 was fun for Anna and she enjoyed the graduated life. Her boyfriend Tom was also looking forward to college as well, but the two would be separated as they had been accepted to different schools. On the final night before moving away for school, they spent the evening together. Alone. Three months had gone by since the two had been together. Things were going well for him, but no so well for Anna. She was sick most mornings, and just felt off. A couple more weeks went by before she finally called her mom. She told her about her morning sickness and other symptoms. Her mom asked if she had taken a pregnancy test. To that she answered “Are you nuts?” “I’m not pregnant.” A few more days passed, she finally gave in and took a test. The test said she was indeed pregnant. She didn’t believe it so she took another. Same result. She called her mom in disbelief. “Mom I’m Pregnant.” Anna said. “OH my goodness....” Her mother replied. “What about school?” She asked Anna. “I don’t know mom, I don’t know what to do.” Regardless her mom was actually very excited, but Anna was far from excited. She had waited years to go to college and now it was all at risk. She visited the doctor where they confirmed she was about three months along. Much to far to go back now. Anna Couldn’t believe it. A baby? She didn’t want to have a baby! She then had to let Tom know. She didn’t know how he would react. She was very nervous making that call. “Tom, Its me, Your going to be a dad.” Anna said. There was a brief silence on the line.... “Oh my god are you serious?!?” He said excitedly. “Are you mad.” Anna asked. “Of course I’m not mad, Im absolutely ecstatic.” “Why would I be mad Anna, Its my fault your pregnant!” He said. “Oh thank god your happy.” Anna said. “What about our schooling?” “Its ok Anna, we will make it happen no matter what, I’m here for you!” Tom said. Most days Anna had morning sickness and other issues. Pregnancy was not easy for her. Anna was a petite brunette. She was small overall. She has a small frame, tiny arms, and she was only 5 foot 2. She was still just a girl in reality, but she now was going to become a woman faster then she had ever imagined. She continued her studies as best she could. Eventually the ninth month had arrived. Annas belly was like a basketball protruding from her body. Anna knew she would birth at home as this was her wish. Her mom Mary had been preparing thier home for months. Everything Mary could afford to get she got in preparation for the birth. Finally summer break arrived and a very pregnant Anna returned to her home, and Tom did to. One morning Anna awoke early to pains in her belly. This wasnt unusual for her as the baby frequently moved around in her belly causing discomfort. These pains were different however. She felt around the top of her belly. She could feel a little baby foot squirming around within her. Anna was grossed out by the babies movements, she didnt like the idea that a baby was inside her. She was ready to be done, ready to give birth and be back to being a normal girl again. Anna prepared a breakfast and joined her boyfriend Tom on the front porch for a Saturday morning conversation. Tom asked how Anna was doing and knew that she was in some type of pain. “I think it may be happening.” Anna said “Ok honey, lets get things ready.” Tom replied. Tom prepared her bed with clean sheets and comfortable pillows. He also layed out towels in the bathoom and on the bed to catch fluids during the birthing process. A couple hours later Anna was in real pain, labor had begun and her belly squirmed wildly as the baby moved toward the birth canal. The contractions were sharper and shaper and it wasnt long before Anna was really hurting. She layed sprawled out on the couch, trying her hardest to bear

through each contraction. She was wearing a light shirt, bra, and panties. She fought the pain as best she could, but still yelped in pain with each contraction. Tom had read up on birth and was going to school to be a doctor. He figured this would be a good training opportunity.

“My poor baby girl.” Tom said, sitting beside her. Anna continued to struggle through the pain. Anna entered transition, this was the worst pain she had ever faced. “Oh my god, oh oh oh, help me, ahhhhhhh” Anna yelped. She continued her struggle. Till finally transition had ended. The baby was now low in her belly and engaged in her pelvis. “Ok its time to check your cervix to see if you can push.” Tom said Anna sat upon the bed and Tom inserted a finger to check Anna. “Good girl Anna, your right on the money, 10 centimeters!” “So now what do I do?” Anna asked. “Time to push that baby out hun!” Tom replied. “Im scared.” Anna said. “I know baby girl, but its so close to being done now.” Tom said. Anna endured another couple of contractions. She was ready to get over to the bed, but the next contraction brought a tiny gush of fluids. “Whats happening!?!” Anna shrieked. “Your water broke baby, The baby is coming now!” Tom replied. Anna and Tom went to the bed, Anna waddled as it was so strange to her having so much pressure between her legs. They arrived at the bedside. Anna took off her shirt, bra, and panties, then climbed into bed. “Wow look at my beautiful baby girl” Tom said. “You are so beautiful.” “Ok how do I do this.” Anna asked. Tom put several pillows behind his pregnant girlfriends head, he put an absorbent pad under her butt as well. “Lift your butt baby.” Tom said as she slid the pad underneath. “Ok now we wait for a contraction and you push.” Tom said. “I will teach you how to push.” Tom stated. Tom put a finger in her opening. “Feel my finger?” Tom asked. “Yes.” Anna replied. “Ok when a contraction comes, your push like your having a bowel movement right at this spot.” He said “Ok” Anna replied. It was time to put her newly acquired knowledge to the test. A contraction came. “Ok baby, pull your legs up toward your chest and push like your pooping.” Tom instructed. Anna pulled back her little legs and pushed. “Grrrrr.” she grunted out. She then stopped. “Good girl Anna.” Tom said. “Hold those pushes good and long.” Tom stated. Anna pushed again. “mmmmmm grrrrrr ahhhhhh.” She grunted hard. The contraction ended. “Good girl baby!” Tom said. “Now relax.” “How many pushes will I have to do?” Anna asked. “Could be a few minutes, could be a few hours babe.” Tom said. “A FEW HOURS!” Anna yelled. “Yes baby, pushing a baby out is a long process. Your young and small, The baby has to stretch you out to get free.” Tom said. “You will be ok. Just breath and relax.” Another contraction came.

“Ok baby girl, here goes.” Tom said. Anna pulled back her legs and grunted. She pushed good and hard this time, curling her little toes in protest of the pain. “Good push girl! And again!” Tom said. Anna pushed again and again till the contraction was over. “Ok babe, lets see what we can see.” Tom said. Tom used both hands to open her opening. He poked around a bit. ‘“Ok girl, heres a contraction, push hard.” He said Anna pushed with all her strength. “Ohhhh!!! We have something here!” Tom said. “I see something!” Tom said again. “We have a little baby head!” “I wanna see the baby!” Anna said. Tom grabbed a large mirror and placed in in front of her, she then pulled back her opening once more. “Ok push hard and watch the mirror” Tom said. Anna pushed, in the tiny little back of her opening a tiny spot of hair was visible. As the push stopped the spot went away. “Where did my baby go?” Anna asked. “Back in your tummy.” Tom said. “Why in my tummy, I want her out!” Anna stated. “Birth is a two steps forward, one step back process baby. The baby will come out a bit, then go back in a bit, remember she is stretching you out so she can get free.” Tom said. “ I want her out!” Anna said. “Honey, she will come out, you have to push her out. “ Tom said. Anna dropped her legs as the contraction ended. Tom grabbed more pillows as it was a struggle for Anna to push and hold her legs open. He put pillows under Annas legs to support them. Then another contraction came. Anna moaned as she pushed, she struggled and quivered. Her perineum however was starting to bulge a bit with each push. “I’m uncomfortable.” Anna said. “Change positions honey, you have the whole bed.” Tom said. “Try side laying, I’ll support your upper leg when you push.” Anna slowly moved from laying on her back to laying on her side. Her cute little Belly touching the mattress. Another contraction came. Tom supported her upper leg as she began to push again. Anna dug deep and bored down with all her strength, the perineum slowly bulged outward. As the push ended the perineum bulge disappeared. The contraction continued so Anna pushed again. Once again the bulge appeared, and then slowly disappeared as the push ended. “Good girl Anna, your making her move in there!” Tom said. “With every push your helping the baby escape from your womb.” Tom laid down first and let Anna lie down on his lap. He did this to comfort Anna and help her push the baby out. The mirror was positioned so that Anna and Tom could see the progress. Little did Anna know this was just the beginning of the battle. Another round of contractions Hit Anna. Assisted by her boyfriend she began pushing again. Anna drew back her legs and let out a push. She curled her toes as she pushed, her Tummy shook and quivered as she pushed hard to free the baby. Her perineum bulged as she continued to push the baby. The next push brought the bulge out further. It was becoming evident that the baby's head was close to the opening. A few moments later another push came over Anna. She strained and struggled, but her efforts were awarded. She pushed again, the perineum bulged farther this time. Anna continued to struggle, however she was about to be rewarded. As in her vulva, a tiny tuft of hair protruded. “Good Girl baby!” We can see that little Head! Tom said.

As the push came to an end the tuft of hair receded from view. The contraction ended. Anna relaxed in between the waves. Less than a minute later the next contraction started. Tom assisted Anna in drawing her legs back. Anna pushed with all of her strength. The tiny tuft of hair appeared in the opening once more.

“Reach down and touch the baby.” Tom said Anna reached down with her hand, and for the first time touched her baby's head. “Ewww its slippery and gross!” Anna said. Tom just laughed. The next contraction started. Anna Drew back her legs once more and pushed. The baby's head became slightly more visible this time. However as the push ended the baby's head drew back inside of Anna’s tummy. She was so close, but yet so far. When pushing she could see her baby, but the battle was far from over. “Ok baby girl, the next stage is the tricky one. The babies head will fight your perineum to get out. When you push the head will come out, but when you stop it will roll back. The perineum skin will hold the baby inside of you. You must overcome this skin to get the baby out.” Tom instructed. It was time for Anna to dig deep. Her baby's head was stuck in between her legs, and only she could free it. It did not matter how much assistance her boyfriend gave her, it was totally up to her to give birth to the babies head. Anna knew that Tom could not pull the baby from within her. It had to be done on her own. The next contraction came. Anna's Little body strained as she began to push. Below her belly the tiny baby Head was starting to emerge. It seemed so much more fluid in her. The head was more responsive to her pushing now. Even a tiny push had a reaction on the baby. Tom layed behind her and watched the action unfold in the mirror. He was so proud of what his girl was doing, and slightly aroused. Anna pushed again which revealed the baby's head once more, however as she stopped the head receded back in. The battle between baby and skin had begun. Every push moved the head into the opening, but at the end of every push the baby went back inside of Annas tummy. The battle continued. Anna pushed down hard, the baby responded this time, and the head protruded quite far. However with the end of the push the baby went back into her tummy. Anna made tiny moaning sounds as she pushed hard to free her baby. She needed a position change to see if she could push the head free in a different position. Lying on her back was obviously getting her nowhere as the baby continued to go in and out. She once again switched to side lying. Tom supported her upper leg as she pushed. The baby's head came into view then slowly rolled back in as Anna stopped pushing. The little baby head was not coming anytime soon. It's almost as though the baby preferred Annas tiny little Tummy. Anna continued to struggle, but the babies head remained firm in her. It had now been two hours since Anna began pushing. She had made good progress, but the babies head was still within her. The baby had made an appearance several times, but refused to stay in the opening. Anna's Young perineum skin just was not allowing the baby to come forth. Anna was becoming desperate. She wanted the baby out of her badly but no matter how hard she struggled the head would not come free. Still on her side she began to wiggle her tiny hips back-and-forth. “Good girl Anna. Move those hips, it may help her out.” Tom said. “Follow your instincts.” Anna resumed another push. As she wiggled her hips back and forth the baby's head started to make more headway. The tiny tuft of hair head become the top of the babies skull. A tiny teardrop shape was starting to happen. Anna's perineum skin was finally starting to stretch. “Good job baby girl, wiggle that tummy and get that baby out!”Tom said. “Uhh, uhgrrrm, ooh god, mmmmm.” Anna moaned as she pushed. Anna was getting tired And frustrated. It was time for an all out massive push. “Im going for it.” Anna said. “Hold me open.” Anna waited for the next contraction to set in, Tom held her opening below to allow more space for the babies head. Anna breathed in any gathered all of her strength. She dug her feet into the mattress, strained as hard as she possibly could and let out the biggest push she had

ever done. She wiggled from side to side as she pushed. The baby's had came far into the opening. The furthest it had been yet. Even a small portion of the babies forehead was visible. However at the end of her massive push, the babies went back inside the tummy. “Wow honey, I was for sure that would have her out!” Tom said.

“I dont think I can get her out.” Anna stated. “You can honey, I will coach you.” Tom said. Tom began the coaching. He came around from behind her to assist the perineum in opening. “Ok baby, hard push.” Mary said “1 2 3 4 5... “good let go.” Tom continued coaching her for another 15 minutes. The baby's head continued into yo-yo action. Slowly coming visible with the push, and receding back in with the end. Finally after a few more pushes the head was starting to come forth far into crowning. Even though the baby's head was starting to crown, at the end of the push the head was still receding into Anna's tummy. Tom continued to coach his girlfriend, but the head refused to come free. The perineum skin was still fighting to keep the baby inside. No matter how hard Anna pushed the baby continued to recede in at the end. Tom assisted her by pulling back the skin as she pushed. Anna was taking a real working over and Tom knew that she would soon tire to the point of exhaustion. “I cant get her out.” Anna said. “Ive been in the same spot now for 45 minutes and the head is still stuck.” “I know baby girl, you have worked so hard, your perineum is just so tight.” Tom said. The babies head remained in the vulva. Visible, but not able to get free of the perineum. “Help me, I cant get her out.” Anna wailed. Anna began to doubt, she had worked so hard, but with no avail. Tom had doubts as well, seeing his poor girl struggle was starting to make him wonder as well. They took a break for a few minutes and regained composure. “Help, help me.” Anna said. “There is nothing I can do to free the baby honey, you just have to keep going.” Tom said. Anna let out a tiny grunty push. The head moved, but barely. She pushed again. Once again the baby responded, but it was little effort against the tight perineum. The baby receded back into Annas tummy. Once again becoming clenched by the Tight perineum. It was time to take a break and give up for a while, it was becoming apparent that Anna was not going to be able to free the baby. She was simply too tired, and her skin too tight. Anna drew her legs together and the baby disappeared from the Vulva back into her tummy. Anna stood up. It was time to take a break and walk. The walking motion and the movement of her hips might help the baby get into a better position to get free. The baby now back firmly in the tummy made Anna upset. She had carried this baby for the last nine months, and now it was so close to coming out, but yet she was unable to get it out. She could feel the baby moving within her, she could feel it kick and struggle to get free of her tight skin. She began to wonder if the baby would actually fit out of her. Anna endured more contractions as she paced around the bedroom. She could feel the babies head just inside her rubbing the perineum as she walked. It was a strange feeling. After 30 minutes of walking around, it was time for the inevitable. Anna needed to starting pushing again. Anna returned to the bed with Tom at her side. She drew back her legs and began pushing once more. She breathed in and bored down, her skin bulged below. She pushed again, the skin bulged farther and the vulva opened. She pushed again, the head came back to view then slowly receded with the end of the push. The next contraction came. Anna pushed hard and the head came to view, as the push slowed the head went back. Anna was grunting will all her might to free the little baby, but it was stuck. The tiny head held tightly in place. She took a breath. The head slipped slowly back in. “Good girl Anna, it will happen, just stay with it.” Tom said. However after several hours of pushing Tom was starting to get worried she would not be able to get the baby out on her own. Secretly he was turned on by this. Anna kept at it though, pushing hard to get the head moving, then watching it go back inside. She knew she really had no other choice but to get the baby out. The morning turned in to afternoon as Anna continued

to push the baby out. The head had now been going in and out for two long hours. Anna had now been pushing for five total hours. Anna’s body was covered in sweat, and she was becoming very exhausted. “Tom, the baby isn’t coming out.” Anna said. “I’ve been at this for hours.”

“I know babe, but the head is right there in your opening, It will come.” Tom replied. “Yes I know Tom, but her head has been there for two hours!” Anna said. “Are you enjoying seeing me like this?” “No babe of course not, I mean you are quite cute when you push, but I want the baby to come out to.” Tom said. Anna returned to pushing, she grunted hard and long. The babies head was right there at the opening, but just refused to come out any farther. Anna tried and tried again to get the baby out but with no prevail. “Ok Tom, I’m throwing in the towel.” Anna said. “Your baby isn’t coming out.” Anna felt trapped by this. She had a baby stuck in her, she couldn’t get it out, she began to feel anxious. Her anxiety made her tense up. This made the baby retract back inside her. As the baby retracted her tummy got bigger. “Looks like your still pregnant.” Tom said. “Yes, but I’ve been trying to get un-pregnant now for hours!” Anna said. “Why did you have to put such a big baby in me Tom? Anna asked. “I’m not sure its a size issue, I think there is another complication.” Tom replied. Anna went to say something again but was stopped by a contraction. She pushed hard and the head moved out to its farthest yet. The head stayed in the opening for a few seconds before slowly retracting back inside. “See babe, your getting it, that was the farthest its been out yet.” Tom said. “Well ok, I’ll keep trying.” Anna said. Anna pushed again with the next contraction, the head came slowly into view. The babies hair was dry now, it had been in the same spot for so long. Feeling the head going in and out was starting to become natural to Anna. It was actually starting to become slightly pleasureable. She pushed again feeling the head push against her opening. She was becoming aroused. Tom noticed this. “Starting to like it babe?” Tom asked. “Well.... I mean I want it out, but the feeling.....” Anna said. Anna continued to work the baby in and out of her. The head would slowly decend and push her opening, then retract back within her. Anna continued this until she could handle the pleasure no more. Her body shook and quivered with pure sensation. As the sensation overtook her she pushed, her opening contracted in and out. The babies head did the same, however it wasn’t popping out as she thought. The tension of the contractions held the baby tight within her. “Ok Tom thats it, your baby is stuck in me and I want it out now.” Anna said. “Get this baby out of me or else.” “Ok ok, lets see whats going on in there.” Tom replied. Tom reached in Annas opening, he felt around the babies stuck head with his finger. He got around to the bottom of the head and found the problem. “Ok so first of all we have a hand here, and second of all the baby is face up.” Tom said. “Theses two conditions make birth just about impossible.” Tom then withdrew his finger. “I suppose I could pull the hand free making birth much easier.” Tom said as he took a step backwards. “Ok so do it then.” Anna said. “Nah your ok babe, Just keep pushing.” Tom said as he stepped farther away. “Are you nuts Tom!” Anna said. “Your just so cute when you push.” Tom said. “Tom I command you to pull that hand out.” Anna said straining to push. “You’ll get it babe.” Tom said.

“TOM!!” Anna yelled. Tom slowly sat back down at her side. Anna desperately reached down and tried to feel for the babies hand. She could get her fingers just inside, but her belly was to big to be able to reach far enough inside. She gave up and moaned in protest. “Good girl Anna, just keep pushing.” Tom said. “Oh I’m going to get you for this!” Anna said. Anna went to move toward Tom but was hit with another painful contraction. She pulled her legs back and pushed as hard as she could. “Mmmmm Ahhhhhh, COME OUT BABY!” She yelled. She pushed hard again. “OHH MMMM AHHH, COME OUT!” She was gaining traction on the baby, moving its head ever farther out of her opening. However the babies little hand was preventing escape. She pushed hard again, her belly covered in sweat. She could feel the baby kicking and squirming inside to try and get out. Anna put her legs up on the headboard of the bed and continued to push with all her might. She pushed on her belly with her hands to help the baby. But it wasn’t moving. The baby was stuck just prior to full crown. The forehead was visible, but the face had yet to come. “TOM!” Anna said. “Good effort babe, But your still pregnant.” Tom said. “Make you a deal.” Tom said. “Ok what.” Anna said. “If I can impregnate you again in the future, I’ll pull that hand free.” Tom said. “NO, I don’t want another one of your babies inside me!” Anna said. “Ok keep pushing then.” Tom said. “Quick tip, wiggle your hips.” Anna stood up and got on all fours. Then went into a squat. She pushed and wiggled her hips as much as she could. The babies head began to come forward. She pushed harder and harder, the head began to finally stay down. With the next push the face came forth. It retracted a bit with the end of the push. The next push was a struggle but the baby was moving. “AHHHH MMMM.” Anna grunted as she pushed. The head was coming slowly out. The babies ears started to show. The end of the push had the ears disappear back in, to Toms pleasure. “Good Girl Anna, just keep pushing.” Tom said. The baby was coming but it was also continuing to recede back at the end of the pushes. The next push was finally the one that Anna had been waiting for, with a epic push and struggle, the head finally emerged. It was a relief to Anna to finally have the head out. She wiggled and pushed again, the first shoulder popped free. With the next push the other shoulder and body slipped free. Anna was elated to finally have the baby out. She got to know the new baby, and allowed Tom to bond as well. “So, when can we have another Anna.” Tom said. “Don’t get any silly ideas.” Anna said.

#birth #birth kink #giving birth #pregnant #birth story

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zialltops · 9 months

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honeysuckle’s & huckleberry’s

After four years away at collage, you’re finally home with the tools and knowledge to save your family ranch. That is, if their ranch hand would stay out of your way.

Or: Ranch hand Joel doesn’t know how to handle the return of his bosses prodigy daughter, her snarky little attitude, or her sinfully tight jeans.

a/n: Howdy Ya’ll! The song for this chapter is Shake the Frost by Tyler Childers! Im not going to lie, after three chapters writing from Joels POV, this chapter was hard to get into at first. Ive always had a vision for the different ways they perceive each other and it was realllly fun to paint two different pictures of the same people from each others POV. So without further ado, the moment we’ve alllll been waiting for, I give you honeys POV.

Masterlink

ao3 link | spotify link

4. Shake The Frost

Your life in a nutshell has been…uneventful. Your parents had you into their late thirties, you were their last shot at the child they had always wanted and that was a lot to live up to, being the only surviving member of your family when they are gone and the sole proprietor of the Rising Sun Ranch. It was a lot for one awkward, clumsy girl to take on, but you packed up your bags and moved to the city for just long enough to get a real education in keeping your family's dream alive. When you left this place, you had twenty dollars and a full tank of gas. You had horrible hormonal acne, the same damn braces you’ve had for the past six years and you were the furthest thing from desirable a person could ever get.

You were never very popular in school, but considering your graduating class was a whole eight people, you understood why. Everyone around these parts kept to themselves, passed judgment too quickly and all they ever saw in you was an inelegant, unskilled, ugly little duckling.

Four years away earned you a new outlook on life, the discovery of skincare and a little bit of confidence in yourself, but not nearly enough to hoof it in this cruel world. That's why you found so much comfort in the thought of running home, as much as you would miss your friends from college. Here you weren’t gangly and clueless—you could just be yourself.

Yourself with just…a little bit of alteration. Because two years ago, your mom called you to tell you about the new ranch hands that started working, how much weight it took off their plate. A few weeks later, she told you as much about them as she could, about Joel who was charming and gruff. Tommy, who was kind of strange but a nice boy, how Joel takes care of him and watches out for him. A month after that, your mother calls to tell you how much of a gentleman he is.

Two months later, you call your mom and tell her about the date that stood you up and she tells you how handsome Joel is, how kind his eyes are and how she thinks you would really like him, how much you would hit it off and she wished you’d find someone a little more like that—someone who could appreciate you.

Two years pass the same way, your mom calls you all the time just to talk about Joel and Tommy—you understand it's the most exciting thing that's happened around the ranch in the last twenty years, but the more you talk about it with her, the more you build up this impossible dream about a man you’ve never even laid eyes on. You daydream about going home and meeting him, hitting it off like two old flames. You imagine his eyes in the middle of class and miss half your lecture, you think about the way his voice sounds the few times you accidentally overheard him in the background of your moms calls.

Your best friend and roommate, Melly, tells you that's you’re delusional to make up fake scenarios in your head about a relationship you don’t have with a man you’ve never met, but you’ve already hyper focused on it long before that conversation happens, so getting it out of your head is already out the window by then.

All that build up, all the imaginary things you thought up, the way you’d meet—what you would say to him to catch his attention from the moment he sets eyes on you. All of it is for nothing, because he’s not prince charming like you’d imagined, he’s rude and he left you in the fucking snow to die, when you’d spent so long falling in love with a man that didn’t exist. He avoids you like the plague, like it hurts him to be in the same room with you, thinks you’re this stuck up too good city girl, when you’d been so proud to have your shit together. You’d been so fucking excited to get home and finally put a face to two years worth of ghost like fantasies of a person you didn’t know.

And god did it make you so angry at him, when you’d spent so long wanting to meet him, and he was nothing like you’d expected him to be. What is it about you that repulses him? Every time you leave anything exposed, he’s running away with his tail tucked. You look at him from across the dinner table and he takes his food and leaves. Sometimes you can't help the way your anger gets the best of you, starting arguments just so he’ll talk to you, trying to do things that might impress him even though he thinks you’re the most incapable person in the whole world, apparently.

You help your mom with dinner because you remember her telling you that her chili was Joel’s favorite, so you spent half of the afternoon making it, maybe then you could both move on—something, anything. You watch him from the fridge while he fills his bowl with Tommy and they head off to the dining room. By the time you’ve made your own bowl, hatching a plan to tell him you made this, his spot sits empty and his food is untouched for the rest of the evening.

That night, your dad shows you the statement from the bank, the mortgage is two months behind and they don’t have two nickels to rub together. You cry at the kitchen table for an hour, wondering what you did in a past life to struggle so badly in this one. Of course Joel would catch you there, tear stained cheeks and a desperate desire to curl into that broad chest and sob.

He hightails it out of the house before the real water works come down.

Theres a ache in your chest that doesn’t leave you for days—when you spot him in the stable on Christmas eve, it pounds in your chest worse than ever, it hurts so fucking bad to look at him in that brown coat, that long curly hair and scruffy beard. You want to run out the door across the yard and jump into those strong arms, have him twirl you around in the snowfall and kiss you silly. But that's not plausible, so you turn away from the window and make yourself some hot cocoa to starve off the cold, eating you up from the inside.

On Christmas morning, you watch him shovel from the window of your bedroom, hiding behind the curtain while you think about how much he hates to be around you, he must think you’re so unpleasant and hard to look at, because he never even meets your eyes. It bubbles up so much emotion, you cry angry tears before you can make it out of your room. You wash your face in the bathroom to rid yourself of the evidence and make your way down the stairs.

You’re halfway down the steps when you spot him at the bottom, smiling at himself in the vanity mirror, wearing a goddamned cowboy hat like all your wild fantasies about slipping his hat on your head and riding him until he’s a mumbling mess. You would have changed if you knew he was here—would have put on some clothes so he doesn’t go running out on you again. He takes one look up the stairs at you and your brain goes fuzzy and angry, how dare he look so good when you know you can’t touch, how dare he flaunt it right in your face just to take it away again. Who does he think he is, smiling at you like that when he abandoned the dinner you’d made him at the table the night before?

He tells you Merry Christmas and you want to sock him in the mouth.

You chase him off all on your own this time and the guilt eats you up when you watch him work from the window. He doesn’t stop for a second, just keeps going and going and going while you sit on the couch and listen to Tommy’s insufferable rambling about things you don’t care about. He doesn’t come to dinner, so you make him a plate in the kitchen when your mom comes in behind you. “What are you doing, dear?” You wrap tin foil over the hefty plate and give her a look. “I thought I should bring him dinner…no one deserves to be hungry on christmas.”

Your mom squeezes your shoulder and smiles brightly, waves you off when you head out into the storm with his dinner in your hand.

When you meet him on the porch, sleepy look in his eyes with messy hair, you almost invite yourself inside—hardly fighting off the urge to set that plate down and offer yourself for his Christmas dinner instead.

You're halfway thankful for the half mile walk tugging a one ton heifer behind you, at least this way the cold wills away the throbbing between your legs.

That night, you wrap two fingers in the necklace chain, burry your face in the pillows while you fuck yourself on three fingers wishing they were the man sleeping on your couch instead of your own. You try not to whimper his name when you cum, but it slips right out with a rush of air.

Wanting him—is absolutely killing you.

You want to call it a turning point, finally he can see you as capable of something. By the end of the following two weeks, he’s right back to the way he acted before, but it’s like it’s worse somehow. You come down the stairs with a chipper smile in your favorite pair of Levi’s one morning and he nearly falls out of his chair trying to get away from you. You show up in the stable with your old white straw hat on and he hides in the bathroom for a half hour until you leave, like he’s repulsed by you, like he can’t stand to be around you. Is it something you’re doing? Something you’re wearing? He gets so uncomfortable when you have any skin exposed, you can tell based on the way his eyes will bounce to you then away in a hurry, trying to find something—anything else to keep himself busy. Is it because you're his boss's daughter? Because you’re ugly? Because you’re too young and too inexperienced?

By the end of January, you’ve successfully chased him back to his cabin in the evenings unless you aren’t in attendance. He’s avoiding you again, but at least now you have Tommy, who you would consider a friend, a friend who flirts with you too damn much and drinks way too much alcohol. He’s also lazy and doesn’t take much initiative, Joel does most of the work around here, you’ve noticed. But Tommy listens to you when you talk and he doesn’t run away from you any time you try to make conversation.

This morning, you were in the kitchen when Joel came in, cowboy hat and wranglers that hugged his ass. You walked out of the kitchen in an apron with a bowl of preserved raspberries ready to can. “Mornin’, Joel.” You greeted him with a smile and picked the spoon up out of the bowl. “Want to try some? I’m making jam.” You were about to wash the spoon anyways.

“Uh, no, thank you—I ate this morning.” You shrug and lick the spoon clean with one stripe. Five seconds later, Joel is out the front door with a hurried step, like he can't wait to get away from you. Did your breath stink? Was there something on your face, in your tone? By the time Joel is gone, Tommy comes in like there's a rotating door on the house, constantly filtering out one Miller for another.

“He’s in a hurry.” Tommy laughs, pointing behind him with his thumb. “I think I said something.” You roll your eyes at him and finish off the spoon. “Dang girl, how come you don’t ever lick me like that?” It's a light hearted joke, you know that, but you still slug him in the arm for good measure. “Oh, fuck off, Tommy.” You make your way back to the kitchen to can up the preserves and he follows right behind you. “So I was thinking, Joel is heading into town this mornin’, what do you say we scrounge up some change and grab a bottle of something strong?” You used to drink heavily when you were in college, lots of parties and Friday nights out with friends, but now it's closer to once a month if you’re lucky and you can't remember the last time you were good and drunk. “You know what, lets do it. But you have to ask him.” Tommy makes a pained face and shakes his head. “No, I asked last time—it’s your turn.”

“He’s already pissed at me for no reason, and I don’t even know where he is!” Tommy laughs at you and takes the bowl from your hands. “And besides, I have to pee—why can't you go?”

He pulls the jars out and starts to fill them. “Go ask him and then go pee—I saw him go into the stable.” You huff dramatically and turn on your heel, removing your apron, trying to get rid of your nerves as you head towards the door. What’s he going to do, shout at you? Get angry? Say no? You can handle all of that, you’ve handled it up until now.

When you reach the barn, you search around the stalls with no sign of Joel. Wherever he is, he’s long gone. Whatever you did to him, it was enough to send him running all over again. For the millionth time, you find yourself wishing you could just read his mind, know what it is about you that has him running for the hills any time to approach him.

You pet a few muzzles on your way towards the door, wishing it was spring already so you could ride like you’ve longed to do for the last four years. There's less of a chill today, there hasn’t been a storm in a week, but that’s going to change soon. You could stay out here until Joel shows up, but christ do you need to pee right now, so you take a quick detour to the small bathroom in the corner of the barn. The door doesn’t have a working latch, so it pushes open easily.

You just needed to pee, that's it—just needed to pee but it’s too late by the time the artificial light inside mixes with the sunlight filtering into the barn. Lent over the sink with his hand pressed to the mirror, his other on his cock, stands Joel—his balled up fist working up and back down, those huge hands that look tiny on his dick—holy shit, it’s massive, bigger than you’ve ever seen in real life, bigger than most exaggerated porn videos you’ve watched—he could probably fit both hands around that thing, has to be at least ten inches of just Joel. He must hear your tight gasp, because his hand stills and he whips his head around to look at you, his face flushed with shock and shame. You step away quickly and the door slams shut behind you.

You aren’t sure what it is bubbling up inside of you—anxiety, desire, a bit of curiosity and a whole lot of confusion. You saw him not five minutes ago and he was fine, but now you can hear him scrambling in the bathroom across from where your feet have glued themselves to the floor.

“Fuck! Fuck, Honey, hold on.”

Joel Miller is the most hung man you’ve ever laid eyes on. He’s also the most annoying and hard headed—but all of that flies straight to the back of your mind when he pulls the small door open, having stuffed himself back in his jeans, jesus christ it goes half way down his leg, how does he have any room in there? His chest is absolutely heaving and his face is beat red from embarrassment. “I…I’m sorry, I just needed to use the bathroom.”

His hand reaches down and you follow the movement, how he stuffs it into his pants and adjusts himself. “I can explain—“ you shake your head quickly, eyes bouncing back up to meet his. Fuck, he looks like he’s going to cry right now. “Please spare me the details, I should have…knocked, that's my fault.” What was he doing in the first place? He ran away from you because…because he needed to jerk off? Is that where he’s been going every time he runs away from you?

Did you make him do that? But no—of course not, because Joel hates you, hates you enough to actively avoid you even after buying you the same damn necklace you clutch every night when you sink your hand between your thighs, bite your pillow and attempt to muffle his name on your lips.

Joel doesn’t want you, when you’ve been thrown around every corner trying to hang on to him. He left you in that damn snow and all your mind could think about was how sharp his jaw was, how big his hands were, how angry you were that he robbed you of your fantasy of him.

“I just—I…don’t know what came over me, I didn’t mean for you to see that.” Well of course he didn’t mean for you to see that. “Yeah, no I assumed—I’m the last person you want seeing you—like that. I’m sorry, again.” There's something in his eyes, a deep sorrow woven into his features. “How…how much did you see?”

God, does he really have to go there, when your thighs are pressed as tightly together as you can get them, when heat is pooling between your thighs and you have the urge to run up stairs and lock your door behind you. You reach up for your necklace out of instinct, run your fingers along the chain for an absent sensory input, thinking about the way it feels in your hand when you clutch it for dear life.

“I mean—about all ten inches, I’d say.” Its an easy joke you're hoping will ease the stress of the encounter, but Joel leans back against the walk and his head flops against the wood, eyes closing tight. You take the opportunity to drink your fill, let your eyes really roam over the softening bulge in his jeans. “Nine and a half—I…It’s nothing to…boast about or anything like that. I try not to…let anyone see that.”

See that? The biggest dick you’ve ever laid eyes on? He’s just walking around, hiding it from the world? “Why?” You don’t mean to ask, but how could Joel just walk around all day with a third fucking leg and not tell anyone about it?

“It’s embarrassin’. No one wants anything to do with that, nobody wants to deal with what it entails—I sure as hell don’t. Look, can we please just—please forget this happened? Don’t…tell anyone, please.”

Don’t tell anyone? You can't keep this to yourself? Joel miller, every daydream and fantasy you’ve had for the last two years—you can’t just keep that in if you tried—you have to tell someone. “Yeah, no of course not. This was traumatizing enough for both of us.”

His face drops further and he turns himself away, running his hand over his face—the same hand he just had on his dick—oh, fuck, you have to get out of here before you offer to finish him off, just to see how heavy it would feel in your hands, your mouth, your pussy—“I gotta go—“ you start to head for the door, but you remember why you came in the barn in the first place. “Can me and Tommy come with you to town later?”

He only turns for a moment to gaze at you. His eyes look shinny, his lip is drawn between his teeth because its shaking. Had you really embarrassed him that much?

When he speaks, his voice is tight and wobbly. “Yeah, that's fine.”

You leave as quickly as you came, already pulling out your phone and pulling up your best friend's number. When you get into the house, you make a bee-line for your room, slamming the door behind you while the call goes through. When she picks up on the other end, you’re already rambling. “Girl—hold on, I can't hear you. You’re talking too fast, slow down.”

You take a deep breath, clutch your necklace and try to calm yourself down. “I just walked in on Joel—it was an accident, but dude—dude it was huge.” There's a sharp gasp and a laugh on the other end of the phone. “Wait like, you walked in on him and someone?”

“No—I walked in on him jerkin’ off in the bathroom, he…ran away from me again this morning and Tommy came in right after, asked me to ask Joel if we could go to town with him and when I went to look for him, he was in the bathroom with his hand on literally the biggest dick I’ve ever seen.” Melly, on the other end, is laughing her ass off at you, trying her best not to snort at your bad luck. “This isn’t funny! He was so embarrassed, Mel—he said he doesn’t show it to people!”

She huffs on the other end of the phone. “Then how does he fuck anyone?”

And—well… “I never thought about that. Maybe he just…doesn’t? He seemed so ashamed, I don’t know what on earth there is to be ashamed of.” Ashamed of being blessed? Ashamed you walked in on him? Maybe it was because it’s you and you’re the last person he wants seeing him naked.

“Alright, let me get this straight—he ran away from you and five minutes later you found him beating his meat in the bathroom?” For lack of better words, well, yeah.

“Yes—that’s basically what happened, but it was more like three minutes? Because I wasn't far behind him.”

The silence on the other end of the phone is deafening, then Melly clears her throat. “Have you considered the idea that he runs away from you because you turn him on?”

You? You turn him on? You with your awkward posture and too gangly features? You can't even turn a car on half the time, let alone a grown man like Joel Miller. “Not a chance—he hates me, Mel, we’ve been over this.”

“You’ve been over this—you say he hates you all the time when maybe this whole time he thinks its you that hates him.” But that can't be true, because Joel can’t stand being around you. He hated you from the moment he saw you, hated your stupid fucking shoes you don’t wear anymore, hates that you went to college and lived in a big city and don’t let people walk on you. He hates you because you wanted to look pretty for him and he told you to crawl back to whatever place you came from, not even knowing that place was filled with longing to meet him. “No, you have to see it for yourself. You’re still coming down here for my birthday, right?” It’s in the middle of February, when the snow starts to subside.

She tells you that she is, but that she has to get back to work, so you hang up the phone and let yourself sink into the mattress. Its a lot to process—Joel running away from you to…masterbate, catching him in the act—that dick, Christ, even if you want to fuck him, you aren’t even sure if you’d be able to take him. A little deep dive into the internet tells you that you absolutely can—if you work up to it. With ample time and stretching, you’d be able to work up to that, and should it ever happen, you want it to be easy for him, after all, he seemed so ashamed that you’d seen him like that. He said he doesn’t show people, so that must mean it’s been a while since he’s had sex. That in and of itself, makes your heart ache from him—no matter how much he pisses you off, no one deserves to have the ability to receive pleasure stripped from them for merely having a larger—uh, tool. It’s not his fault he was born that way.

A few wrong turns on amazon and you find a (within your budget) toy that's, you guessed it—nine and a half inches and by the looks of it, the same girth as Joel. There is no other option for you but to purchase it—express mail straight to your doorstep.

And even if you never stand a chance with a six-foot towering cowboy, you can at least pretend for the rest of your life. Maybe that will finally starve off your want, fill that void you’ve had for the last two years longing for a made up man and this version of Joel wearing his skin.

It’s a few more agonizing minutes of thinking about the way he’d looked at you in the mirror when you’d spotted him in that bathroom, before you can actually track back to the before, how into it he was—working himself over quickly with a rough calloused hand and his ragged pant.

Fuck it—you have time, lots of time—Joel is probably going to avoid you for half the day before he heads to town, that is—if he even tells you he’s leaving. So you do what you're best at, roll yourself over to bury your face in the pillow while you sink your hand past your waistband and get to work. Its easy to picture something still so fresh in your mind, the way his shoulders heaved when he drew in a breath, how he would probably feel in your hand, your mouth, you’ll have to practice that too, how he’d probably hold you down and tell you to take it. He’d probably be ravenous if he could get past the hatred part. How long has it been since he’s been inside of someone?

You sink your teeth into the pillow and try to retain the sharp whine in your throat, but when you picture his disdain for you morphing into desire, the way the two would clash together in the most impossible way—it’s easy to bring yourself right to the edge. Easy to let yourself drift into that full bodied bliss that shoots up your spine and blooms at the base of your skull. God, the things he would probably say—the filthy fucking words that were made for that accent—the way he’d call you—

“Honey?”

“Amph-“ your eyes shoot open but its too damn late, that twangy southern draw sounds so fucking good saying your name like that and it’s the final straw, deep shadows of your relief robbing the vision from your eyes as they roll back, hand stilling with just the faintest of muffled whimpers to follow it. Yeah—he’d say your name just like that—just like he did on the other side of your locked door while you get off to the sound of it.

Your first big draws of air when you start to come down are into the pillow, trying your best to stifle the ragged way your lungs fill with oxygen until you’ve caught back up with yourself.

“We’re headin’ out in a few, if you're comin’.”

You pull your hand away and jump off your bed, trying to fix your hair and pull yourself together. One glance in the mirror tells you that this is as good as its going to get. You pull the door open and he’s already trying to find anywhere to else to put his eyes than on you, on your tight workout leggings and crew neck sweater—you aren’t anything special and you just saw his dick a half hour ago, so you understand why he wouldn’t want to look. “I was just, uhm—doing a workout zoom with my friend, you ever done one of those?”

God, did you just say that out loud? A fucking workout zoom, its no wonder this man wants nothing to do with you. “A…zoom workout? No—I get my cardio in before the sun's up. Real fuckin’ weird world you come from.” He turns his body slightly, like he’s trying to make his way out of this conversation but he doesn’t quite know how, so you lead the way. “I’ll just get my shoes on and I’ll be right down.”

He turns back and this time he does look at you, but it's at your feet, then a swift bounce up to your eyes. “You’re wearing shoes.”

One glance down and what do you fucking know—you are wearing shoes—stupid fucking shoes you suddenly hate. You hate that you can't get a single thought through your head when it's swimming in dopamine and adrenaline. Hate that he’s taken up so much space in your brain you can't think straight anymore. “If you don’t want to go because you’re…uncomfortable, you don’t have to stall so that I’ll leave. You can say it.” He holds his chin up bravely, you have to give him props for that. Thirty minutes and he can still hold his head up with dignity when he feels like he needs to stand up to you, but does he have to do it so accusingly? When did you give him the impression that you wanted to stay behind? When you’d asked him if you could go not two minutes after seeing him white knuckling it in the bathroom? When he knocked on your door and talked you through an orgasm without even knowing?

“Why do you always do that?” You cross your arms and feel that attitude creeping up on you. “Do what? Spare myself the humiliation?” The humiliation like he’s not staring you down fresh off a mind boggling orgasm. “No, decide what I’m feeling for me—what the fuck gives you the right to make up my mind for me?”

This bastard, who can pull an argument out of you in an instant—when you’d just been thinking nice things about him. “I’m coming with. Tommy’s promise of hard booze is sounding better and better by the minute.”

He huffs at you and it's all you get for a response. You follow him down the stairs and out to the truck, Tommy is waiting down stairs with a confused look, but you shake your head at him and he tails behind you on the way out the door. Joel moves fast across the snow covered yard, climbing in the already running truck with a slam of the drivers door. “What’s his problem?” Tommy makes a face at you when you stop at the tailgate of the truck. “He’s not in a good mood.” Tommy nods his head and walks over to the passenger door. “Course he isn’t, why would he be?” There's a laugh and he opens the door for you, but he doesn’t get in first—he makes you sit beside Joel, with his knee bouncing and his knuckles white on the steering wheel. He won't look at you, but you can tell he’s riddled with anxiety right now. When Tommy squeezes in beside you, you find yourself pressed up against Joel, from shoulder to his solid thigh.

The drive is uneventful because Joel turns on the radio and he doesn’t say anything. Not for the whole twenty five minute drive, Joel doesn’t make a sound, so you and Tommy sit in the uncomfortable silence and try to ignore the way his fingers tap and flex against the steering wheel. When you get into town, you give Tommy all the money you were able to scrounge up and he runs into the liquor store close to the feed store. You were going to sit in the truck and wait, but Joel leans against the door frame with his hands perched on the roof and his cowboy hat blocking the run from your eyes. “Since Tommy’s preoccupied, you’re gonna have to help me.”

Help him? You? “I have three hundred pounds of feed to load, unless you're afraid you’ll break a nail.” Does he have any idea how that works, that you don’t have long fake nails anymore like you did in college? “Well, I guess it's a good thing they are already busted then.”

Helping Joel load the truck means you get to watch him work, carrying two feed bags to your one, but his shoulders bulge when he lifts and you nearly have to cross your legs to push away the nagging thought. He probably looks so damn built under all those layers, beneath that Carhartt. By the time the truck is loaded, Tommy is back with a half gallon of bottom shelf whiskey that looks like a hangover just waiting to happen.

Joel doesn’t give the bottle a second look, but the ride home is just as quiet as the drive there.

It isn’t until later that night when you and Tommy crack open the bottle. It’s dark, but Joel is nowhere to be seen when Tommy makes a fire in the pit out front of the cabin. Your parents went to bed early and the last thing you wanted to do was keep them up, so you took the long walk to the cabin with a few blankets to keep you warm until the whiskey kicks in.

Thirty minutes of having your feet propped up by the fire while you pass the bottle back and forth and Joel finally comes into view, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he tries to walk straight past the two of you. “Come on man, can’t you join us? Sit by the fire with your brother?”

The older man shoots him a look, one you can't read but Tommy obviously does. “Come on, Joel—Tommy’s going to make me drink all of this by myself.” He steps onto the porch with his back turned, wiping the snow off his boots. “I don’t drink anymore.” Is the only response he gives. Like you hadn’t seen him drunk off his ass before.

Another hour passes before you see Joel again and by that time the half gallon is half empty, sitting between the two of you while you giggle and laugh about stupid humor Joel would probably huff at. Can someone remind you why it's the broody brother you want? Not the slightly asshole-ish one who knows how to take a joke? Tommy doesn’t exactly do it for you—not your type, no drive, no motivation—but he is Joel's brother, the closest thing you ever get to having the real thing.

You wonder if he’d fuck you like Joel would—they are brothers, so Tommy has to be just as well endowed at Joel, right?

Right on que, like he could hear you thinking about him, Joel comes out and stands behind your chairs. “Think you guys have had enough. Last thing I need is to be up all night because Tommy’s pukin’.”

He gives the emptying bottle a tap with his foot and you glance up at him. “Oh, come on, Joel—why are you always such a fun sucker? You just hate seeing people smile, is that it? Is it bad for maintaining your shitty mood?” Tommy laughs beside you and you ride off that chuckle, but not for long. “And here I thought alcohol would make you plaint, but I guess it just makes you more of a bitch.”

If your head wasn’t swimming in booze right now, you’d probably swing at him, but you aren’t coordinated enough for that right now, so you settle on a hard glare. “I don’t know man, I think I have a good idea of how she gets when she’s drunk.”

Joel's eyes shoot over to him like he already knows exactly where this is going. “Bet you get real feisty, huh? Whiskey always makes girls want it—get’s um horny.” When he talks, he’s looking straight at you—if Joel wasn’t standing right beside you, you probably couldn’t have the courage to hold his younger brother's gaze like that. You want it right now, god you do, but not from the brother that's asking.

“You’ve got no idea,” you tell him and Tommy smirks at you, then up at his brother who’s gone stiff. “Is it me or him? Because this one doesn’t look too willing to give you any kind of sugar.”

Joel downright growls at his brother. “Knock it the fuck off, Tommy—she’s a lady.” A lady that wants him to bend her in half and stuff her full right now—no matter how much it might hurt. “No she ain’t! A lady doesn’t drink half a bottle and want to fuck.”

There's a hard thud behind you and when you look at Tommy, he’s holding the back of his head where Joel smacked him. “I’m walkin’ her home.” He tells his brother, but doesn’t once ask what you want. It’s been too long, been way too long since someone touched you—and it might be the alcohol in your system or the desperation for a Miller that sends you down this path, but both directions lead you to the same destruction.

“Like fuck you are! You aren’t my dad, Joel—you don’t get to decide what I want all the time. If I want to drink half a bottle and fuck your brother, then you’re going to have to suck it up and listen through the damn wall.”

Joel’s look of anger quickly morphs into something you’ve never seen on Joel Miller—fear. Oh—yeah, you struck a nerve on that one. What does he think? You’re going to soil his baby brother? Does he really look down on you that much, that he’s afraid of you sinking your claws into Tommy? You don’t want Tommy, you want Joel, but you’ll never have that—so you grab Tommy by the hand, yank him up until he’s standing on equally wobbly feet before pulling him down to meet your mouth. He tastes like whiskey and it's nothing to write home about. There's no electricity, no real desire on your part. But you know you hit your mark when there's hard footsteps headed towards the house and a hard slam of the front door.

Tommy gets into it fast, his hands on your hips and his teeth nipping at your lips like he’s as desperate for you as you are for his brother. “Let’s go inside,” he hums and you agree—you’re already this far and you want to make Joel feel what you’ve felt for the past twos months, all this anger and bitterness, why the fuck doesn’t he want you like you want him.

“Do you think he’ll hear us, through the wall?” Tommy pulls away and makes a face of confusion. “Do you want him to?”

Do you? Want him to hear the way you could moan and gasp for him? The way you could beg him for more, deeper, harder? Absolutely. “Yeah—I want him to hear it.”

It's a rough and awkward tumble to his room, you fall against the wall and Tommy does his best to keep you up straight. The door beside Tommy’s room is closed and the light is off, but you can't hear anything inside.

You try not to think—try your hardest not to imagine Joel instead of his brother, but it's a futile attempt. All you can see right now is Joel with his cock in his hand lent over the bathroom sink and how much you wanted to get on your knees for him right then and there. “Can I suck your dick?” Tommy groans from where he stands at the end of the bed, you propped against his pillows, both of you in the midst of discarding your clothes. You get down to your panties and underwear by the time Tommy is left in just his briefs. “Yeah-fuck yeah, you can.”

It’s good, it’s working for you—until he drops his underwear and you’re left…underwhelmed. “You aren’t as big as him?” If it wasn’t for the alcohol in your system, you probably wouldn’t have said it in the first place—but how could you not? He’s half the size of his brother, if you’re being generous. He’s still decent sized, you’ve had bigger, but you cant help the pang of disappointment that you won't be able to pretend just for now.

“I—no, wait you saw it?” You wince and Tommy pulls his boxers back up, suddenly the room is filled with something other than desire. “It was an accident—I didn’t mean to, but I just thought…you’re brothers and all.”

Tommy sighs, turns himself and sits down at the end of the bed with his head in his hands. “You don’t want to do this with me.” He says. “I didn’t say that—“ he shakes his head at you and turns enough to look at you. “You’re disappointed that my dick isn’t as big as his—you don’t want this with me. I don’t want to fuck you while you’re imagining my brother.”

Okay—ouch, that one stung. But you can't argue a point because you have no truth behind it even if you tried. You were going to imagine him—press your hands to the wall and imagine you were on the other side of it. “I’m sorry, Tommy…It’s not you, I promise…you’re a good friend and you’re a nice guy, I just…”

He smiles at you and it eases some of your anxiety. Tommy might not be Joel, but he is a good friend. “It’s okay, I can see it…Don’t think I could take somethin’ that's already his.” But you aren’t, his, after all. He doesn’t look at you like that, doesn’t want you—doesn’t want to touch you like this when he’s so busy despising you.

“He doesn’t want me like that, Tommy.”

Doesn’t want to see you like this in his bed, half naked and begging for him. “How do you know that?” You fiddle your hands with the band of your underwear, where a string is fraying on the edge. “He hates me…can’t even stand to look at me, he’s made that pretty clear.”

Tommy chuckles slowly and tosses you his shirt. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that, Honey. Try, you might surprise yourself.”

You pull the shirt on and curl up on the pillow, letting your head swim in the whiskey that's starting to take its toll on you now. “Sleep in here tonight, won't try anything—I promise.”

He takes the spot beside you and you smile sleepily, pulling the blanket over the top of you. “Thanks Tommy.”

Sleep comes easy when you’ve drank as much as you have tonight and you try not to think about the other side of this wall.

In the next room, Joel sits fully clothed at the end of his bed with his head in his hands, trying his damndest to stop the tears burning his eyes and tracking down his face.

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal #joel miller x reader #the last of us #joel the last of us #archive of our own #joel tlou #cowboy joel #dbf joel miller

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ageofbarbarians · 2 years

Text

Pull Over // J.M.K

AgeOfBarbarians

A/N: this was an old Harry fic of mine. I’m so sorry if there are any name typos im pretty sure i got them all though

Summary: Y/N goes on a date with Josh. They decide to take a little drive and have a picnic

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI! Unprotected Sex, Oral Sex (m&f receiving), Choking, Spanking, Edging

Word Count: 5.1K

M A S T E R L I S T

“You have to tell me everything about it. I don’t want any missing details! Do you think anything will happen?” Your best friend, Aluora, shouted excitedly through the phone. She had been your best friend since kindergarten but ever since you moved you haven’t seen her in a while. You two talked every day and it’s like nothing had ever changed even though you were on opposite sides of the country.

“I won’t I promise, but I don’t think so. I told myself I was going to take things slow. I told him that too. He hasn’t even kissed me yet! I mean I wouldn’t have minded because it’s just a kiss and I wanted to so bad but I’m not one to make the first move, you know that.” You shrugged. Your phone was set up against the sink and wall as you continued to get ready since you were on FaceTime.

“Wow what a gentleman. Most guys try to fuck after the first date. He must be a keeper.” Aloura laughed and you laughed with her.

“Tell me about it. I hope he is though. He’s one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met and god, he is so damn sexy.” You threw your head back at your last words and you could hear her laugh through the other end.

“Do you have any pictures of this mystery man? I still have yet to see what he looks like. You haven’t even told me his name!” She groaned. You grabbed your phone and went to his Instagram page and screenshotted a picture of him.

“Before I show you, you have to promise me you won’t freak out. I have no idea how it happened, but it did.” You point your finger at the screen and Aloura put both hands up in the air to show she wouldn’t.

You sent over the picture and as soon as it went through all you could hear was the loudest scream out could possibly imagine. You turned down the volume on your phone a few notches before she blew a speaker.

“Y/N, you’re fucking kidding me. Josh Kiszka!? You’re lying.” She shook her head in disbelief. Aloura was a huge fan of Greta Van Fleet's music which is one of the main reasons you didn’t tell her because you knew she’d freak out.

“I’m not lying. Again, I have no idea how it happened.” You continued to do your makeup, opening your mouth just so you could apply your mascara.

“Y/N, I need to meet all of them. Seriously like we have to go to a show or something.” She begged. You shook your head as you laughed at her pleading. You still had yet to see them perform but from your understanding, they were currently on a break from touring so they could work on new music.

“They aren't even touring right now. But, depending on how all of this goes maybe I'll see what I can do...” You stood still for a minute trying to rack your brain of all of the possibilities.

"I can't believe you are seeing a member from my favorite band and you just decided to keep it from me. What kind of bullshit is that?" She questioned. You could see the stupid smile on her face and you knew she was freaking out internally but didn't want to show it.

"Because I knew you'd react like this." You laughed. You were in the bathroom finishing the final touches on your hair and makeup waiting for your date to arrive. You smiled at the thought of being able to see Josh again. The two of you were going on a second date. Nothing too fancy, just going for a drive and possibly a picnic if the weather decided to clear up. You hadn't been in Michigan long but you were loving it so far. You only had a few friends here that you knew from high school since they moved for college but after you had graduated you just needed a change. Granted it was a few years since you had graduated, but better late than never right?

You worked at a cafe that was down the street from your apartment and the money was good. You made a few friends through work but still had yet to hang out with any of them. You were a homebody and without Aloura here, things just weren't the same. You still missed her more than anything.

Right as you finished applying a thin layer of lip gloss you heard three knocks at the door. You gave yourself one last look over before turning off the light and exiting the bathroom to make your way to the front door.

“I gotta go he’s here. I love you!” You wave to Aloura and you end the FaceTime call. You took a deep breath, butterflies filling your stomach. You answered the door to see Josh standing there holding an assorted bouquet. Different types of white, yellow, orange, and pink flowers. You didn’t know what any of them were besides the sunflowers and daisies.

"Josh, you didn't have to get me flowers! You're too sweet." You grabbed them from him and stepped to the side so he could come into your apartment. You walked over to the small kitchen and tried to find a vase of some sort to put them into. You found a tall, skinny, black vase and filled it with water before setting the flowers inside to set on the counter.

"Pretty flowers for a pretty girl. I couldn't just show up empty-handed. We’re you talking to somebody?" Josh shrugged casually and wrapped his arm around your waist before planting a small kiss on your cheek. You could feel your cheeks heat up at the small gesture as it took you slightly off guard since you guys haven't even shared a first kiss yet. Not that it was a huge deal, anyway, just a surprising gesture.

“Yeah, I was on the phone with my best friend. M’nervous to be honest.” You mumbled the last part. You played with your fingers for a moment waiting for a response from him.

“Nervous? What for?” He asked. There were plenty of reasons why you were nervous.

“I’m not sure.” You lied. Lying was never a good thing to start in a new relationship, or whatever this was, but you didn’t want to turn it into a whole thing.

You had just gotten out of a tough relationship a couple of months prior. One of your friends had introduced you to Josh and the two of you hit it off almost immediately. You told him from the very beginning that you wanted to take things slow, and he was doing just that. On your first date, the two of you went to a nice restaurant and got ice cream afterward. Even though you told him you wanted to take things slow, you were shocked he didn't kiss you after bringing you home. A kiss is just a kiss, anyway.

"I packed some stuff for us. I thought maybe we could have a little picnic. Has the weather cleared up any? I haven't looked outside." You grabbed the small basket from the fridge and pulled it out. There was an assortment of sandwiches, chips, fruit, and even a bottle of wine with some glasses just to spice things up a little.

"That sounds nice, mama. I have some blankets in the back of my car. But a little bit, yeah. It's still pretty cloudy outside but it feels nice. Should we go?" Josh nodded his head and grabbed the small basket from your hands so you wouldn't have to carry it. You nodded in response and grabbed your phone and purse before the two of you walked down to his car.

"You know, I had an amazing time last weekend. I know I told you multiple times already but I genuinely did." You stared at your feet as you walked down the hall and eventually down the stairs since you lived on the second floor of your apartment building.

"I did too. I'm really glad we're going out again. I wasn't expecting a picnic though, luckily I have a couple of extra blankets in my car." Josh opened the door and stepped to the side holding it open so you could go first. He followed right behind you and then made his way back next to you.

"Did you get a new car?" You questioned as you went up to the passenger door you were going to open it yourself but Josh stopped you as he swatted your hand away.

"Hey now, that's my job. But yes, I did." He gave you a playful glare before shooting his signature grin at you. He opened the door for you and you hopped into the passenger seat. Josh got into the driver's seat and sat the basket down by your feet to make sure it didn't tip over.

You looked down at the pale yellow sundress with little daisies printed all over. It was one you had just bought recently and you figured this date would be perfect to wear it for the first time. It wasn't anything special but it was a new favorite piece that you added to your closet. You could feel Josh's eyes on you before he finally spoke up

"You look absolutely beautiful, Y/N. I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner." Josh scanned your body for a minute and the action alone sent chills down your spine. There was just something so intimidating about his gaze that you found it hard to make eye contact with him sometimes.

"You don't have to apologize, it's not like I was expecting any sort of compliment. But thank you." You blushed at his compliment and looked down at your feet. Josh pulled away from the curb and began driving towards the coast. He slipped on a pair of sunglasses that seemed to fit his face perfectly. He turned up the radio a bit and music played softly throughout the car.

After driving for about fifteen minutes, the drive was filled with quiet music coming from the radio, but silence from the two of you. As you observed the scenery and you let him focus on driving. The wind had picked up which caused your dress to ride up slightly on your freshly shaven legs. Josh put his hand on your thigh and began to rub small circles with his thumb. The simple touch sent jolts of electricity through your body. He hadn't even done anything and he was already driving you crazy. You bit your lip before looking over at him, and he had the smallest smirk on his face, almost like he knew the effect he had on you. You observed his features from the side and scanned his body. He wore a white long-sleeve shirt with a pair of khakis and the outfit was accompanied by a pair of white Converse. The look was so simple yet he looked so insanely hot. His curly locks were blowing in the wind and every few minutes he would take his hand off the wheel and push them back, still keeping his other hand on your thigh. His hand moved up your thigh slightly, the dress moving over the top of his hand.

You looked back out the window to avoid any more wandering thoughts but they genuinely were getting the best of you. You had made a promise to yourself to take things slowly but there was just something about Josh that made you want to forget all of that. You trusted him fully, he hasn’t given you a reason not to. He was completely understanding of wanting to take things slow because of your past relationship and he never tried to break any of those boundaries thus far.

The thoughts never strayed though. You thought about what his fingers and mouth might feel like against your core, what his lips would feel like intertwined with yours. Everything about what his touch would be like took over your mind.

You shifted in your seat and you could feel his eyes on you. A wave of heat crept to your core and you bit your lip again. All of the possibilities going through your mind.

We're going slow. You made a promise to yourself.

Josh's hand moved a little further, his fingers gripping your inner thigh and his thumb still rubbing small circles. Every time he would make a circle his thumb would slightly graze the inner part of your leg that meets your pelvic bone. You leaned your head to the side against the headrest and let out a shaky breath, hoping he wouldn't notice. You could feel your cheeks getting hot at the simple contact but he was just lighting you on fire.

“Y/N I know you want to take things slowly but fuck, you’re driving me crazy.” His voice was deep and he adjusted in his seat, pulling on the material of his pants to relieve some of the stress.

“In a good way, I’m hoping?” You laughed softly and Josh laughed with you. You obviously could tell how frustrated he was with the way he adjusted himself.

“Yes. In a great way even. Frustrating, but in a good way.” He nodded and squeezed your thigh a little tighter this time. You put your hand over the top of his and move it closer to your core, assuming he’d gotten the hint.

"Tell me to stop, and I'll stop." He spoke quietly, but just quietly enough for you to hear him. His thumb grazed over your heat, slowly starting to rub small circles over the clothed damp center. He continued his slow, circular movements for a few minutes and every time he made a complete pass you could just feel yourself getting hotter. He looked over at you for a moment to gauge your reaction and your eyes fluttered closed.

"Don't stop." You shook your head and as you did, you could feel the dampness becoming more prominent and you knew he could feel it too. You hummed to yourself and let the overwhelming feelings just take control. You lifted your dress ever so slightly to reveal the black lace underwear you put on this morning. Josh's eyes went back and forth between your hips and the road. A small groan left his lips as he tried to observe the material as best as he could while still trying to focus on driving.

"Fuck, Y/N, you're going to make me crash this damn car.” Josh chuckled but never stopped his movements, if anything he sped them up. A soft moan left your lips that you were praying he heard just to get more of a rise out of him.

"Should I pull over somewhere? Say the word and I will." He asked swiftly, eyes going back and forth between you and the road again. You nodded your head but that wasn't good enough for him.

"I want to hear you say it. Do you want me to pull over?" His voice was low. You could hear the dominance in his voice and it was incredibly sexy.

"Pull over." And without a second thought, Josh quickly pulled over down a dirt road. He sped up to get down faster and you hit a pretty private field. There wasn't anybody around and it was almost like he knew this was here. Maybe it was just sheer luck. Or was that his plan?

Josh faced his car towards the flowery field. The sight itself was gorgeous but it was the last thing you could focus on right now.

Josh threw the car into park and turned off the ignition. He undid both your seatbelts and focused all of his attention on you. His fingers moved over your clothed entrance again, teasing you at every chance he could get.

"Please don't be a tease, Josh." You moaned, shifting your hips to gain more friction against his hands. His movements would go at a slow, steady pace before he would speed them up again and repeat the process all over again.

"Let's get out, yeah?" Josh opened his door before rushing over to your side and opening your door for you. He put one arm behind your back and the other underneath your legs before lifting you out. You couldn't help but laugh at his antics but also at how needy he was. Granted you wanted this more than anything but you were hiding it more than Josh was.

He brought you to the front of the car and sat you on the hood. It wasn't hot but it was warm enough to make your legs sweat a little. It was a nice heat, but from how hot and bothered you were it definitely wasn't helping.

"Are you sure you want me on the hood of the car? You said you just got it." You questioned. Josh positioned his body between your legs and brought one of his hands to the back of your neck.

"That's exactly where I want you, darling." He smirked before his lips crashed down onto yours. You took in a deep breath through your nose as the action caught you slightly off guard. Your eyes fluttered closed and you leaned a little more into the kiss. His tongue grazed your bottom lip, requestion permission to enter. You opened your mouth slightly to allow his tongue to slip in, both of yours fighting for dominance. At the same time, a groan rumbled from his chest as a moan escaped yours.

Josh's lips moved from yours to your cheek, to your neck, and down towards your collarbones, sucking and biting a little harder in some places that you knew were bound to leave lilac marks. With every kiss, he just kept sinking lower and lower until he was on his knees in front of your clothed core. He bunched up your dress at your waist and placed his fingertips at the sides of the lace underwear.

"Y/N, I mean it, tell me to stop at any point and I will. If anything gets too rough or you're uncomfortable just tell me."

"I want you to do anything but stop. Please." You whimpered. His eyes flashed a darker shade before he ripped the lace right off your hips. The tear created a slight sting against your skin and you hissed a little.

"Josh, those were my favorite!" You whined.

"I'll buy you more, I promise." He smirked as one of his hands made contact with your heat. Arousal pooled between your legs with every little touch he made and it was clear that he knew it was because of him. His thumb made circles against your bundle of nerves and the small bit of pressure caused a moan to escape past your lips.

"I wanna taste you, darling." He whispered just loud enough for you to hear.

"Please," was all you could say before his mouth attacked your core. A lengthy moan escaped your lips at the fact he had finally made some sort of contact with you. He sucked on your bundle of nerves causing your legs to shake slightly. You're pretty sure he noticed as his arms wrapped around them to keep you as still as he could.

"Fuck, Josh," You moaned as Josh licked a long slow strip up your core. Your hands moved to his hair and you tugged slightly which earned a groan from him that vibrated against you. His fingers teased your entrance before he entered one finger, curving it upwards to hit the spot you didn't even know existed. A louder moan left your lips as he pumped one of his fingers in and out of you before adding another one. You looked down at him to see all of the dirty things he was doing to you. Right as you looked down at him you noticed that his eyes were already focused on you, observing every breath, moan, and whimper you made under his touch.

"Shit, I think I'm going to cum, fuck, Josh, don't stop," You gasped as you felt the familiar feeling beginning to spiral in your stomach. You threw your head back and let out a series of moans. Before you could even feel the release of your climax, Josh halted all of his movements, removed his fingers, and stood up. His hands cupped your face before planting a slow kiss on your lips. You could taste yourself against him before he pulled away and planted a small kiss on the tip of your nose.

"How about some wine, yeah?" Josh smirked as you stared at him in disbelief. Was he seriously just about to leave you like this?

"W-what the fuck?" That was all you could manage to say. You genuinely were at a loss for words. What the fuck is this?

Josh walked over to the back of his car and grabbed a couple of blankets that he had mentioned he had and started to set them up as you just sat on the hood of his car in disbelief. As he sat down on the blankets he began to take the wine and glasses out of the basket.

You hopped off the hood of the car and sat down next to Josh as he poured some wine for the both of you. He handed you yours first as you glared at him and you pretty much chugged the glass from frustration. Not that it was something you shouldn't get pissed about, but you were livid.

"What's the matter, mama?" Josh had a stupid grin on his face, knowing exactly what he was doing to you. You grabbed the bottle of wine from his hands and poured yourself another glass, drinking this one just as fast as the other.

"Oh nothing, just having the worst experience of getting denied what was probably going to be the best orgasm of my entire life. What the fuck do you think is wrong Josh?" You shot at him. You rolled your eyes and faced the field and watched the way the flowers and grass swayed with the breeze. You felt one of his hands grab your jaw and he turned your head towards him.

"The best, eh?" He smirked and you couldn't help but roll your eyes again.

"At this point, make it the worst." You huffed and crossed your arms over your chest. You made eye contact with Josh and he had a serious look on his face with one of his brows raised. You knew you hit a nerve.

You felt one of Josh's hands wrap around your arm and pull you up, practically dragging you toward his car. He walked around to the front and pushed you down over the top of the hood of the car. You felt your dress bunch up around your hips and your arms were forced behind your back, leaving your chest and your head pressed up against the hood. Josh's lips attacked your heat again only for a moment before he gripped your dainty wrists with one of his hands. You heard the zipper of his jeans and knew he was lowering his jeans. He pushed them down to about the middle of his thighs and he teased your slick folds with the tip of his cock.

"Fuck Josh, please don't be a tease I hate that shit." You groaned.

"Do you really deserve my cock so easily? Especially after your little tantrum?" Josh continued his antics and you rolled your eyes.

"It wasn't a tantrum, it's just bullshit that you-- oh fuck," It was only seconds after the words left your mouth that you felt him stretching you out and a long moan escaped your lips at his size. He was honestly bigger than you were expecting him to be.

Josh's pace started slow, giving you some time to adjust to him but it wasn't long before his thrusts became sharper and quicker. You so badly wanted to just run your hands all over his body and watch all of his movements but it didn't seem like it was going to happen since it didn't seem like he was going to let go of your wrists anytime soon.

"We'll see about this being the worst, mama," Josh whispered in your ear before sending another sharp thrust into you. A loud whimper left your mouth and your moans were almost becoming pornographic. He had a perfect rhythm going and it didn't seem he was going to let up anytime soon. His thrusts were intense and hard, not giving you any mercy.

He let go of your wrists but one of his hands came up and wrapped itself around your throat. He didn't apply any pressure since he wasn't sure if you were okay with it but your next words nearly sent him over the edge.

"Choke me, Kiszka."

His hand squeezed around your throat and you gasped at the feeling, a smile playing across your lips. You looked ahead at the field and you bit your lip almost hard enough to break the skin

Being choked was one of your favorite things but nobody could ever seem to do it right or they were just too scared to hurt you. You liked the pain and you didn't mind if you even had bruises, in the end, it was just a nice reminder of the time you had.

It was almost like he was reading your thoughts as you felt a hard smack across your ass, sending out another loud moan. Josh reached his free hand down and began rubbing fast circles on your clit. Tears brimmed your eyes from the feelings being so overwhelming. You were in a complete state of euphoria and if you could, you'd have this moment last a lifetime.

Josh pulled your back against his chest and you brought your head back against his shoulder and tried your hardest to look at him. Your vision was slowly going in and out from him choking you, but somehow it was just even more arousing. His hand released from around your throat and you gasped for air, the stars that were clouding your vision starting to disappear.

"Such a good girl, " Josh groaned as he slowed his pace, trying to elongate the moment in any way that he could. His thrusts were still sharp and it was nearly perfect with every spot he was hitting.

"Oh my god." You gasped. As the familiar feeling of your climax started to bubble in your stomach, you could feel yourself tightening around him.

"Fuck, if you don't stop clenching around me I won't last much longer," Josh groaned as he threw his head back.

"Shit, please let me cum, Josh, please! I'm so close," You begged. Josh's movements sped up as you pleaded.

"Cum for me, darling," He whispered in your ear and that was all you needed before you exploded around him. You cried out his name as he kept moving quick circles on your clit, riding you through your orgasm.

"Fuck, I'm going to cum," Josh groaned and you could feel his thrusts getting sloppier.

"I want to taste you," You whined as you finally came to. You felt Josh pull out of you and you stood up before dropping to your knees. He was much bigger than you were anticipating. Your lips wrapped around his slick head and teased him before slowly sinking down on his length, your tongue running along the underside of him. You used your hand for the rest that you couldn't fit into your mouth and started to pick up your pace.

"Look at you and those pretty little lips around my cock," Josh hissed and his dirty words made you moan. You could feel him twitch and you just knew he was going to cum soon. You quickened your pace and played with his balls with your free hand, causing a loud moan to escape from him. You took his length as far back into your throat as you could which released an a loud groan from him. You looked up at him with innocent eyes which only seemed to weaken him.

"Shit, Y/N, I'm-," Josh groaned again and you felt his length twitch inside your mouth as the warm, salty liquid shot down the back of your throat. You continued to suck him off, trying to get every last little bit of him that you could.

You pulled him out of your mouth with a 'pop' and licked a slow, teasing stripe against his length before standing to your feet. You grabbed onto Josh's arms since you were unsteady and he let out a small laugh. Your dress fell back down hitting the middle of your thighs and Josh pulled up his boxers and jeans, adjusting himself. His hands came up and cupped themselves against both sides of your face before he placed a slow, passionate kiss against your lips. His tongue intertwined with yours slowly and you melted into his gentle touch.

"Let's get you home and cleaned up, yeah? Do you wanna come back to mine?" He whispered as he barely pulled away from you, noses touching.

"Only if I can get more of you," You whispered back, tangling your fingers in his hair at the nape of his neck and tugging back slightly to expose more of his neck before you started planting a mark on his jaw just below his ear. He let out a shaky breath and his hands gripped around your ass.

"Ready for round two already?" He smirked, letting you leave a mark on him. It was only fair since he left multiple on you.

"After that? I'll never get enough of you." You whispered in his ear before turning away to grab all of the belongings that you left a little way down the beach. Josh wasn't far behind you as he grabbed the blankets and shook off all of the sand before folding them up. You walked back to the car and he was quick to open the door for you before he got in himself. He put the keys in the ignition and his car purred to life. Before he started to pull away he leaned over a placed a firm kiss against your lips.

"How about we go back and I fuck you properly this time?" He whispered in your ear before tugging on your earlobe with his teeth. You faced him as a wicked grin flashed across his face and his eyes filled with lust. You bit your lip and nodded your head, leaving you at a loss for words.

After tonight, you were going to be absolutely wrecked.

***

If you’d like to be added from my tag list please just comment or send me a message(:

Tag List: @sparrowofthedawnsworld @jordierama @greta-van-chaos

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sa7abnews · 2 months

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I'm a Yale graduate but can't afford to live on my own, so I share an apartment with my mom. I have no plans to move out.

New Post has been published on https://sa7ab.info/2024/08/11/im-a-yale-graduate-but-cant-afford-to-live-on-my-own-so-i-share-an-apartment-with-my-mom-i-have-no-plans-to-move-out-2/

I'm a Yale graduate but can't afford to live on my own, so I share an apartment with my mom. I have no plans to move out.

The author, left, loves living with her mom, right.Courtesy of Mia TsangAfter graduating college, I couldn't find a full-time job, so I moved into my mother's apartment.Multigenerational living is heavily stigmatized in American culture but valued in my family.My mother's support has allowed me to thrive, and our relationship has never been stronger.In May 2021, I prepared to graduate from Yale University with a degree in molecular biology. Instead of pride in my accomplishment or excitement to finally enter adulthood, I was filled with dread.I had applied to over 60 job openings throughout my senior year but could not secure a full-time position in any field — let alone the highly specialized field for which I'd been trained. I had no job or plan, so two days after my graduation ceremony, I moved into my mother's rent-stabilized two-bedroom apartment in Queens.For the first summer I lived in New York, I worked odd jobs like babysitting, teaching short-term writing workshops, and editing high schoolers' college essays. I revised my résumé and sent out a job application every day. I've always been passionate about writing, so I expanded my range to include literary and publishing jobs. No bites.The salary ranges for every entry-level position I applied for were well below what I would need to live in New York City without my parents' help. Even with a full-time job, I wouldn't be able to afford to move out. But I ended up right where I needed to be.My mom welcomed me back home after graduationMy mother immigrated to the US from Ecuador when she was 8 years old, and my father from Mexico when he was 9. The three of us are incredibly close. I was raised in Rhinebeck, a small town in the Hudson Valley, which is predominantly white.Our family's cultural values constantly clashed with those of my peers' families, especially regarding multigenerational living. My friends' parents constantly emphasized to them that "the minute you turn 18, you're out."Those families seem to represent the norm around the US. In 2022, the Pew Research Center found that only 13% of non-Hispanic white Americans live in multigenerational households, compared to 26% of Hispanic and Black Americans.In contrast, throughout my life, my parents made it clear that if I ever needed to live with them again after college, no matter the reason, they would welcome me with open arms. My father has always said, "We're not just a family. We're a team. Whatever you want to do, we will support you in any way we can."My family's culture normalizes multigenerational living, so I felt comfortable moving in with my mother.I love living with my mother and have no plans to leaveSix months after graduating, I finally got a 15-hour-a-week position as a marketing assistant at a literary nonprofit. My mother was thrilled I had found a job I was passionate about and over the moon that I would have to keep living with her.Overall, it's been better than I could've imagined. We eat dinner together most weeknights and then watch an episode or two of whatever TV show we're binging together. On weekends, we go to the beach or concerts in the East Village. We even went to Queens Pride together for the first time.This time together has only brought us closer together, and our relationship has never been stronger than it is now. I am grateful for this time we have together.I still work for the same nonprofit. Though my hours and pay rate have increased, I am still not full-time, but I'm fine with that. I love the work I do and the people I do it with. That means I will be living with my mother for the foreseeable future, and I am OK with that. Not having to worry about making New York City rent allows me to save most of my income.I use the extra hours in my day to write. It's paid off: My first book will come out next February, and I couldn't have done any of it without my mother's support.

#Finance

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mintmatcha · 2 years

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oh oh OH what about best friend's little brother choso?

you remember when he was just a cute little middle schooler, shy and sweet-

but years later, after college and a couples jobs pulled you away and brought you back, you meet up with your friend again for a holiday and he's no longer small or sweet looking-

he's out on the back porch, combat boots and all black outfit, smoking a cigarette and watching the snow fall. tattoos of flowers and weaving designs peak out from under his sleeves. His quietness no longer feels like anxiety, its purposeful and intriguing.

the house is tight with a bunch of adults in it, so he's constantly moving you around with a hand to the waist or brushing up behind you--

#i have this scene in mind where he asks. do you remember the last time you stayed in our house.#you: back when i was in college right? your sister threw that party and my boyfriend and i came.#and choso leans in real close. and says 'i heard him fuck you. heard you cum. i shouldnt have listened but i did.#i fucked my fist to that memory for years.'#and he stands and says so softly #maybe ill do it again tonight #im imagining you were in college and he was 18 and just graduated

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michaelsbigreddick · 2 years

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Bad at Love-E.M x f!reader

Y/n and Eddie are far from perfect but they always find a way to make it work. Or at least she thought. After a petty argument over what movie they should watch, y/n goes to apologize to eddie. Only to find out he already had company.

Warnings! Mentions of drug and illegal activities! Mdni 18+

Pairing- Eddie x female reader (she/her)

I didn't post this yesterday because I worked all day then stayed up to watch V2 and then proceeded to cry the rest of the night, so my apologies for being late.

This is pt 1 out of maybe a 2 or 3 part series:) Hope yall enjoy! <3

_________

"Robin I can't deal with what I just saw! I think its because I just can't, I can't fucking believe it!

“What happened this time y/n?” her tone was flat, tired of anything and everything that had to do with your relationship. But it didn't stop you from sharing anyway.

“Guess! Guess what happened!” you were pacing around her room. Yelling once more about your on and off boyfriend, and love of your life, Eddie munson.

She was used to it by now, the fight picking you both did because neither of you felt good enough for the other for one reason or another. Maybe you would feel insecure when some chick would try flirting with him during your trips out of town together, or he would feel like you found someone at college. Regardless of what it was, or who was in the wrong you were never on the outs for long. And when you were, Robin would have to sit there and listen. Sometimes over the phone, but when you were in town, in the comfort of her room.

She was laying comfortably in bed running ger glittery green fingertips down the back of her purring cat. A bored expression sitting her face.

“You know what? Don't guess because, Jesus it's so unbelievable you won't be able to guess it.’ you took a deep breath trying to put the words together.

“I was, I was going to Eddie's house, ya'know, like I told you I was going to. I started it this time, my turn to apologize. As im pulling up to his house, I see fucking,” the tears begin to swell in your eyes. “fucking Chrissy Cunningham!”

She sat up mouth agape. “No way. No, Y/n tell me youre joking.” she walked across her bed on her knees. “No way, are you sure it was her?” you nod your head scared you'd break into tears if you said another word.

“Maybe he was like selling her something? Or or or, god I don't know,” she started to bite on her lip looking for something to comfort you.

“No he does his fucking drug dealing. anywhere but home Robin. Why else would they go to his trailer after the game?” you sat down at the edge of her bed. She moved herself next to you.

“Maybe he forgot it?” she gave you a weak smile. You offered one back but your trembling lips couldn't hold it together for long. A sob escaped them.

You never thought it would ever end, Not really. You would yell and scream and swear it was over, but then you would both cool off. Everything would fall back into place and you would have the best make up sex imaginable.

You thought there was nothing that could ever really keep the two of you apart for long. Especially if the fight was over something as dumb as what movie you were going to put on to pretend to watch but them ultimately end up catching up on all the sex you missed out on during college.

“Its alright. It probably was just a drug thing. And doesn't she have a boyfriend? ” she tries to reassure you.

“Everyone knows she's as clean as a whistle Robin, and... I had a boyfriend when we first started hanging out too, remember?” she hummed remembering.

“Yeah well you guys are in love. He's literally stupid for you y/n! Thats part of why he's still in high school. You distracted the hell out of him last year, remember? It's a miracle you even graduated.” She wrapped her arm around your shoulder and pulled your tear stained face into her.

You sniffled remembering the good times. When things were still fresh, all the angst and build up to him finally having the guts to make his first move. You were both such bad influences for each other when it came to school. You couldn't help it, and neither could he. As cheesy as it sounded, you couldn't stand being apart from each other.

“I just, I'm really scared I finally pushed him over the edge. And God chrissy? She is easily the second prettiest girl in school.” Robin smiled, accepting that you were calling her the first.

“He couldn't go for the first of course, That's my best friend.”

“That would be crossing a whole other line.” she laughed. “Look, why don't you just call him tomorrow? Talk things out when you're a little more calm…I mean really, what are the chances he and the top chear leader are hooking up right now?”

Your stomach churned at the idea. You imagined him laying her down in the same bed you were supposed to be laying on instead of the soaking chest of your best friend. A loud sob escaped again followed by more.

“God I am not very good at this huh.” your best friend said sighing at her failure to make you feel better. She leaned you down on her bed, taking your shoes off that you were too distracted to take off earlier.

Getting into bed she sat up against her headboard, and threw the blanket over the both of you. You scooted over to her and lay your head on her lap.She begins to caress your head letting you spill out your fears and worries, and the last of your tears till you ultimately fall asleep.

_._._._

You wake up the next morning to the sight of Robin wiping last nights eyeliner off.

“Morning.” she says groggly.

“Morning.” you smile. You would apologize for coming to her house and crying so hard you stayed the night, but you were so close all you had to offer was a thank you.

After having a quick breakfast, you dropped her off in time for work. Nearing your house a knot began to grow in your chest. Three cop cars were pulled up in front of it. You were barely able to park.

Exiting your car your mom comes out of the door screaming your name.

“Jesus, Y/n honey! You're safe.” she engulfs you in a breath squeezing hug.

“Why wouldn't I be mom?’ that was when you remembered that you hadn't called home to let her know you were going to stay at Robins.

“I was at Robin's mom. You should have called hers instead of…” you looked around at the police officers. A mixture of relief and concern plastered on their faces.

“I'm home. You can all go now.” you rub your moms back slowly trying to pry her off of you.

“Thats, that's not the only reason they're here hun.” she looked at you with sorry eyes. They led you inside to your living room.

'Let's take a seat lovebug.' You sit down on your couch facing the officers across from you.

When the words left their mouth you didn't think you were hearing them correctly. You couldn't believe that the words had even come out of their mouths just then.

“We found a student of Hawkens High, Chrissy Cunningham, dead in your boyfriends trailer.”

"And so what? You think Eddie did this?" You knew you probably sounded like a delusional girlfriend. That was exactly what all the signs made it look like that, but it was Eddie. Your Eddie, you couldn't help but get defensive.

“We're not saying anything. But his uncle was at the plant all night. Can you tell us where you were again, Miss Henderson.”

“For christ's sake I told you guys once I got here! I was at Robins last night!”

“Your mother told us that you were going to spend the night with,”

“Yea well that didn't happen. If you're so concerned about where I was you can ask the Buckleys. I'm sure they heard my embarrassing crying last night.” you roll your eyes, holding on tighter to your mothers warm hand.

“Why were you crying honey?"

“Was there an altercation with Mr. Munson? If that were the case did he try,” you held your palm out signaling them to stop.

“Don't you even dare try finishing that sentence. Eddie wouldn’t hurt a fucking fly. I need you to leave my house.” you got up from the couch, dropping your mothers hand. You were trembling, with anger, fear, frustration, whatever it was it had taken over. "Get out of my fucking house!” You were confused on so many different levels. But there was one thing you were completely sure of, Eddie didn't hurt her.

You saw your brother peeking his head out of his room.You knew he was hearing everything from the other side of the wall, he wasn't dumb, and the walls were thin. Eddie meant a whole lot to him too and there was no way you were going to let them make such claims under your roof.

“Get out!” you screamed at them one last time. The slim cop with a mustache jumped, and slowly backed his way to the door. The sheriff took a quick glance at your mother then back at you. He nodded at your mother. She walked them out. You could hear them talk behind the door. The sound of them pulling away from the house followed.

You sat back down on your couch with your face in your hands. This felt worse than any feeling you had felt the night before. You couldn't keep it together. The facade of the strong older sister, the role of the supportive daughter, it was slipping away, melting off with each tear.

Your mom came back in and sat on the recliner aside from you. Dustin finally slipped out of his room.

“Y/n?" He walked over to you slowly. Maybe he was worried you'd snap on him too. Regardless he knelt down in front of you and placed his hand on your knee.

“I don't know what happened last night. Or what your dumb fight was about, which was probably the reason you went to Robins house… Whatever it is..whatever happened. It's gonna be okay.” you leaned down onto him, holding him as tight as you could.

When you get up from the couch and give him another quick hug.

“I'm going to take a quick shower then we’ll talk more okay?”

Dusting nodded. There was a loud knock at the door. He walked over swiftly to answer it. Your face softened when you saw who it was. Max Mayfield. She greeted you all quickly, pulling Dustin into his room. She looked different. Sadder even. You didn't expect her to be the same after the death of her brother. But there wasn't a touch of paranoia in her eyes that was unsettling.

“Hun, the police want you to go in for questioning. They also want to have you escorted till they find him.” your mom says pulling you from your thoughts.

“What? I told them to screw off and they want to baby sit me now?”

“They just think he might come looking for you…honey I think it's better to be safe than sorry.” she was looking at the ground when she said this. You couldn't believe she would consider the thought of it being true. She knew him. He was always so great with her. And even with your constant bickering, she knew the both of you loved each other like no one else in the world.

“ I don't think he did what they said he did, I really hope not.” she said, squeezing your hand.

“Mom!”

“Im being honest here bug. I just, even if he didn't do anything, I don't think it's a good idea to be seen anywhere near him right now. Not till things cool down.” she caressed your cheek. You knew she was doing her best. But god was it annoying that she didn't believe in his innocence.

You showered till the water went cold. Leaving the warm safety of the running water would mean that it was all real. You took even longer to get ready. Just as you were about to leave for questioning you noticed your open window. You had sworn that you closed it before going to Eddies.

You started to look around your room for anything that was out of place. The last place you checked was where you found what you were looking for. A sign of him.

You plop onto your bed. Your hands shake a single folded up piece of paper. Your name was written across the first fold.

"y/n, I really wish i let you choose that movie. You're right, you're always right. The Breakfast Club is one of the best movies to ever exist."

You chuckle knowing he was just saying that to stop the fight.

"You might start to hear some things about me. Maybe you already have. I just want you to know that whatever it is that they say, it isn't true. I know that you're able to see over everything else that they've ever said, but this is different. I wish I could tell you what happened but I don't even know what went on. Chrissy Cunningham, the cheerleader, slipped me a note after class. She wanted me to deal her something. I met with her after the game because she wanted something stronger than weed. I didn't want to carry that shit around with me. I'm not an idiot. So I drove her to my uncles so i could give it to her there. She was in the living room when I was looking for the stuff. When I came back with it, she was off, and then everything happened. I don't know how to explain it. I came here to tell you what happened, to apologize about the dumb fight. I wanted to see you one last time before whatever happens, happens. I'm scared but I'll be okay knowing you believe me. At least I hope you do. I'm going to where we had our first kiss.

Love you so fucking much

Eddie"

You were relieved that he was safe. The place where you had shared your first kiss was the lake across from his dealers house. The guy was out of town and Eddie took advantage of that. You spent a day there. Turning the music up as loud as you could, smoking and drinking, making the dumbest jokes imaginable. By the end of the day, still high and a little drunk but definitely more sober than before, he pulled out the boat from the shed and you paddled to the very middle before realizing it had a motor. You were laughing so hard you were on the verge of rocking the boat.

It was perfect the way the moment just presented itself. On the lake, both of you high enough to hear the water beneath and around you move with such a clarity, the reflection of the stars above you cascaded off the water, lighting up his pale skin, and showing you the lustful look in his eyes.

“I want to kiss you” he had said to you.

“So kiss me.” he smiled and leaned into you. His soft lips fit into yours like they were made for them. You'd never felt that before. The need or want to kiss someone the way you did him. With others it felt like something you had to do, up down, take a breath, touch their neck, maybe slip some tongue in. But with him, it was easy. No thought was necessary, you could kiss him all day if he'd let you.

Your mind went back to how he said he couldn't explain what happened. The last time you had heard someone say that to you it had to do with the upside down. You hoped to god that it didn't have to do with it. You were so grateful he'd gone so long in the dark about what has been going on in Hawkins. This was the last thing he needed.

If it wasn't official before. It was now, you were going to find him and help him prove his innocence.

#eddie munson stranger things #eddie x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fic #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x y/n

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jimipoo · 3 years

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prompt: In which, you shamelessly flirt with your TA because you find it very enjoyable to see him get flustered. (gif cred: kookijam)

this is part 1, here’s part 2 !

pairings: ta!jimin x oc

genre: implied smut, college au

word count: 1.7k

warnings: 18+!!! minors dni!! it has suggestive language and mentions of male masturbation

a/n: hello hello!! it’s my first time writing something that’s nsfw, so yes ! beware ! its rlly not that smutty but still :O but anyway, i hope you enjoy xx im rly proud of this so pls tell me what u think ab it!!! thats all! thank u byeee

⋆ ࣪. ⁺⑅ ⋰˚ *.ﾟ .˳⁺⁎˚ ˚⁎⁺˳ . ⋆ ࣪. ⁺⑅ ⋰˚ *.ﾟ .˳

“God, what is wrong with me today?” Jimin mutters, quickly bending down as his shaky hands try to pick up all the papers that are scattered across the floor. He manages to get everything, carefully dusting off the dirt from the stack of papers with his hand as he stood up. Jimin quickens his pace, sweat forming on his forehead as he grew more and more nervous. He doesn’t know why—or at least, he doesn’t want to know the real reason why.

He lets his mind wander as he finds his way to his class.

In Jimin’s role as a teacher's assistant in his graduate school, he found himself harboring a crush on a particular student. He knows how it sounds. A TA liking a student. It was silly—inappropriate, even—to be catching some sort of feelings for his Professor’s student. As much as he wanted to push these feelings out the way, you were the one making it hard for him.

From the way you’d flicker your eyes towards his, slightly tilting your head and a smirk tugging your plush lips, Jimin could almost feel his knees about to collapse. Whenever you’d ask for his help in class, you’d lean in to so close he could feel your breath on the tip of his ear.

The tone of your voice when you ask him a question regarding a lesson, from the way the words rolled off your tongue, almost like a whisper, and your eyes would flicker to his lips for a split second before biting yours. He almost swore you were doing it on purpose. Like you were seducing him.

At first, Jimin couldn’t figure out if you were doing it on purpose, or that he was just imagining everything. Whether his brain was fooling him or not, regardless, you were still driving him crazy.

He became certain the day he had caught you in the back of the room. As there were only a few students that day, he felt slightly suspicious when he saw you sat at the very last chair in the back row. You were always sat in the middle, sometimes even right in front of his table, and you'd stare at him as he grows more and more nervous by the thought of you being close to him. Perhaps it was a little too obvious that he was crushing on you, were you uncomfortable?

That's what he expects, until.

Your legs were spread obscenely, leaving him completely stunned at the view you were giving him. He doesn't notice the way you were looking at him as his eyes were fixated on carefully following your fingers that slowly tug the hem of your mini skirt, it was high enough for him to see the base of your upper thighs. Your smirk widens and forms into a devilish grin as you watch his adam's apple bob, it took him a whole minute to realize what was happening in front of him, immediately excusing himself to go to the restroom and you could only imagine—perhaps—fantasize what he could be doing.

Thoughts of you occupied Jimin’s mind quite frequently, even during work or having lunch at a random café, walking on the subway.. However, it was more often times at night.

He’d be in his bedroom, with his head thrown back, flushed cheeks, and swollen lips from biting them ridiculously hard—the only thing echoing throughout the thick walls of his apartment were his own heavy breaths, the slick sound of his hand and cock being in contact, whimpers, and occasional utters of your name as certain fantasies fill his lustful mind. After he finishes, he’d lay there staring at the ceiling, the guilt beginning to swirl in the pit of his stomach as the realization hits him once again.

If you had the superpower of being able to read minds, he would never want to get near you ever again.

There was just something about your energy, it pulls him in that he couldn’t help but let himself get pulled, he could say that you had him wrapped around your pinky finger. However, he thinks you are probably unaware of it. Probably.

But you were fully aware of it.

You liked playing these little games with him, you found it rather enjoyable to see your TA in his nervous demeanor, awkwardly looking everywhere but you. It’s fun, watching him act like this because of you. You don’t see him act like this outside of the class, he’d walk around the halls as if he owned the place, you would often see him in a fixated poker face, the loud clacking of his boots acts as a reminder that he is someone who you should not be messing with.

His vibe screams confidence and intimidation, however, when you’re around, all of it volumes down and you could pretty much compare him to a puppy. Knowing that you were probably the only person who affects him this way has somewhat made you feel powerful. You couldn’t stop teasing him, and you wanna keep doing it till he couldn’t take it anymore and finally fuck you in this classroom you are sitting in currently.

Your head immediately shot up when you hear the heavy door burst open, revealing no other than Jimin, dressed in a white dress shirt and black slacks that hugged his thick thighs really well. You continue observing him as he carefully places the stack of papers on the table, then his messenger bag, only then to run a hand through his dirty-blonde locks, something that you’ve always noticed him do and found really attractive. You notice a tiny, tiny splotch of brown on the cuff of his shirt. Coffee, you guess.

He then looks up, eyes immediately landing on yours only to look away immediately. He always does that. You were always the first person he looks at every time he comes into this classroom, and he'd look away and clear his throat as he steals another glance, or two, and run a hand through his hair once again before settling on his table.

You were staring at him so hard you don’t realize that your actual professor didn’t follow along.

Jimin clears his throat and clasps his hands together, causing most of the students to look up. “Good morning everyone,” he starts. “I forgot to inform you in the class group chat last night that Mr. Kim won’t be present today, so I’ll be in charge of this class. Mr. Kim sent me some activity papers for you to answer but since I’m nice, I’ll give you about,” he brings his arm up to look at his wristwatch, “10 minutes to study and familiarize with the content.” he finishes with a smile on his face.

His eyes land on yours once again, but this time, he doesn’t immediately look away. You were sitting again in the very back of the classroom, this time, your elbows propped up on the table as your cheeks were pressed to your palms. You sport him the same smirk you plaster every time you make eye contact, the same one that leaves Jimin breathless and shoots sparks right into his heart.

You were dressed cutely today, he thought. Your look consisted of pastel colors, which he very rarely sees you in since you’d mostly wear earth-colored clothing and as well as dark colors. Your makeup was also pretty different, it’s simple, but it made your lips appear more vibrant and plump. He thought you looked pretty, really pretty. You always did. And it’s almost as if you were trying to go for an innocent look, but he knew deep down you weren’t.

Before Jimin realizes he’s been looking at you for too long, you send him a wink, which luckily worked and brought him back to reality once again. His eyes widen as he escapes from your burning stare. He’s flustered. Again.

"God, he's so hot." A voice fills your ears, you look over to see your friend leaning towards you. You shoot her a glare, annoyed at the fact that she had called Jimin that. "Shut up, he's mine." you declare, which earns a scoff to escape from her painted lips. "As if he's actually going to be yours," Maybe he won't, but it was fun while it lasted. "Shit, he's coming!"

Your friend immediately sits up straight as you both turn your head to look at the tall man, his previous nervous demeanor was now replaced with something intimidating, he hands the papers to the students, and as he walks more closely to your row, he glances at you. And suddenly, he was nervous yet again. You immediately sensed that it was your cue to do what you've been doing to him in the past 3 months of being in this class with him. To tease.

Crossing your legs, you watch him intently at first. You think of ways to make him even more flustered without anyone noticing, but honestly, just looking at him seems to do the trick.

From his peripheral view, he sees you were watching him. He tries not to think about it so much, focusing on handing the rest of the papers until he reaches you. You never looked away, you attempt to make eye contact with him but he was too stubborn to look, too nervous.

He finally reaches you, plastering a small smile in an attempt to cover up the fact that he is nervous around you. However, the moment he stretches out his hand to give the paper to you, it slips out of his fingers, you watch the loose paper slowly fall and silently hits the floor. "Shit, sorry." Jimin immediately bends down, and as he does, his back hits the edge of the table. At this point, you were just sitting there watching everything happen.

Until a grunt escapes through his lips that followed by a mutter, "Fuck me," he says, voice laced with annoyance. It sounded raspy, the way it rolled off his tongue, you instantly feel something tickle in your stomach, and flow through your core.

"Gladly." was all you could utter before his eyes immediately met yours. Dark, and full of lust. You look at him innocently, a grin forming in your glossy lips as you wink at him once again.

This was it. He's had enough, all he could think about right now was bending you down and taking you right then and there in this classroom.

"See me after class."

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pr1ncessm00n · 2 years

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okay y’all… i was gonna do a poll but that’s too much work. so i want to start a new series, but i’m unsure which one! so comment below your pick of these WIPS! (please note, im not guaranteeing i’ll choose the top pick, im just wondering what the general consensus is 😭)

also notice: i might begin writing nsfw! with that being said, that means some work will have to be 18+. unfortunately that means i will have to either limit interactions with minors (not that i do, but i DO have sfw work u are welcome to see) but that some work will not be available if you are underage.

connie mini series : fender bender (18+)

after cornelius springer crashes into your car from behind, you’re left with no choice but to deal with him and the aftermath. he swears he can make it up to you, but can he really? you start to question if trusting him was the right choice as your feelings for him begin to deepen…

featuring: a latino connie, and a potential latina reader!

eren full series : starstruck

an Actor!AU. you’re a popstar, a world record breaking artist and fairly well loved. you suddenly find yourself in a media frenzy when the main star of Attack on Titan confesses he likes your music (and possibly you). after what your manager decides would be a great collaboration if you were to work on the AOT soundtrack, you end up closer to the cast than you imagined…

jean full series: fair game (18+)

an office au?

jean kirstein thought he had his career planned out. he would graduate with the hand picked degree the success coach he had since he was 12 selected to best suit his personality, he would gain experience in the internship of his choice, and then become the CEO of a future Fortune 500 company. at least, that’s what he thought. and when he so arrogantly assumed this life for himself, he never thought there would be one seemingly small hiccup in his plan… being rejected for said internship. now a college graduate and harboring a sense of impending doom, jean is desperate. if he doesn’t secure experience before the fiscal year is over, he might as well kiss his career goodbye. seeing no other choice, he applies for the one internship he’s certain to get : the fashion magazine. little does he know that you’re his main competition, and you’re a tough one to beat. when the Executive Director reveals she can’t choose between the two of you just yet, she offers you both the opportunity of a lifetime- vie for not just the internship, but a full time position at the magazine. now you’re both thrust into the world of office politics, midnight coffee runs, and worst of all- competing against each other to prove who is the best after all. but surprisingly, there seems to be room for romance amongst it all…

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ad1thi · 4 years

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au masterlist

okay ive been meaning to do this for a while, and ive finally got the time to do it so here’s a list of all of my aus!! this is divided by ship for ease, and i do have a lot of pieces that don’t fit into any specific au - so this post is specifically for aus (this is a rly long post so im hiding it under a read more) (also please nobody comment on how similar the summaries are ive never had to think of how im summarising these aus before this post)

all my writing on tumblr // all my writing on ao3

buckytony

1. your pain (is my burden to bear) AU

Summary: soulmate AU where you can feel your soulmate’s pain, and marks that originate from your soulmate’s injuries can be found on your body

2. target and assassin AU

Summary: The Asset has been tasked with the mission of killing Antonia Stark. Falling in love with her along the way was never part of the plan.

3. park bench AU

Summary: they’re both running from their past. in New York, they find each other.

4. taste of your lips AU

Summary: TVD au. Bucky wasn’t planning to stick around in New York, just drop in long enough to fix whatever his brother had fucked up and then leave. But then he meets Toni Stark, and against all odds - he finds himself staying in the one city he’d sworn never to step foot in for all of his immortal life.

5. the second (love of his life) AU

Summary: greek gods AU, Aphrodite!Bucky x Hephaestus!Bucky . Bucky has spent over a thousand years resenting his marriage to Tony, content to ignore his husband in favour of his lover, Steve. but when he’s captured by Joann Schmidt and its Tony, not Steve who comes to his rescue - Bucky finds himself falling for the husband he spent so many years ignoring. Is it too late, or can he fix a marriage that was doomed from the start?

6. waste my time AU

Summary: Tony doesn’t do boyfriends. Tony has a boyfriend - Tiberius, or he will anyway once he convinces Ty that breaking up with him was a horrible idea. But then he meets James Barnes at a bar, and suddenly things don’t seem so black and white anymore

7. elite AU

Summary: a/b/o dynamics. Bucky isn’t planning on starting anything up in his new school, and would’ve been completely content to keep his head down until he graduates. But after a chance kiss with a bambi-eyed omega at a party in the beginning of the school year, things weren’t looking so simple anymore

8. 1000 lives (for you) AU

Summary: James hasn’t been subjected to the Chair in close to 3 years. After all, why would HYDRA use the Chair to control him when they’ve got his soulmate instead?

9. Secret Love Song AU

Summary: Marrying Steve wasn’t what Toni had in mind when she pictured the rest of her life, but it wasn’t any hardship. Of course, that was before James came into her life. (this au has been race and gender bent since the original post)

10. Dilwale AU

Summary: mafia au. Tony and Bucky used to be in love. Now they’ve sworn never to see each other again. ‘Course, MJ and Peter falling for each other puts a kink in those plans.

11. K3G AU

Summary: desi au. As a member of the illustrious Barnes dynasty, Bucky is expected to undertake certain responsibilities; chief of which is marrying someone from a respectable family. Tony Stark from Chandi Chowk might just put a wrench in those plans.

12. buckytony teen wolf AU

Summary: when Tony and Rhodey went searching for a dead body in the woods, a rogue Alpha werewolf was not what they were expecting to find. Overnight, their entire lives change

13. undercover cop AU

Summary: After the events of Afghanistan, Tony can’t bear to work at Stark Industries anymore. Handing over the reins of the company to Pepper, he quits and starts working at Midtown High. but the US government isn’t about to let one of the country’s biggest assets work at a public highschool without even the smallest bit of protection. Enter Agent Barnes, or as Tony knows him - Midtown High’s new gym teacher

14. the K2 AU

Summary: Bucky just wanted to live his life without the Army ever finding him again. Saving Tony Carbonell at a metro station and getting sucked into the intricate life of the italian mafia was never on the agenda.

15. Mara Dyer AU

Summary: fem! Bucky. Bucky was an extremely normal 16 year old girl - if you discounted the fact that her bestfriend and boyfriend died after an abandoned building collapsed on them; and that she was the only person to survive. Then bodies started dropping around her, people that she imagined dying who died in the exact grotesque way she pictured is. and suddenly, there’s nothing really normal about her at all.

16. ACOMAF AU

Summary: fem! Bucky. Bucky kills a wolf. Except its not a wolf, its a Faerie and the High Lord of the Spring Court comes collecting his pound of flesh.

17. centre of his universe AU

Summary: The Asset is fascinated by the Stark Heir.

18. one shot AU

Summary: highschool AU. nerd! tony x punk!bucky. Bucky has has a crush on Tony Stark for his entire highschool career, but he’s never thought he had a shot - choosing instead to pine uselessly while Tony dates what feels like the entire highschool body. Bucky’s resigned himself to the belief that Tony will never be his, until Tony breaks up with longtime girlfriend Rumiko Fujikawa, and suddenly - Bucky has one shot.

19. 1000 lives (for you) AU

Summary: James Buchanan Barnes and Anthony Edward Stark are impossible soulmates - separated by time, distance and space but brought together by horrible pain and suffering. This is their story. Starts from TWS, and is largely canon compliant.

stevetony

1. student of the year AU

Summary: Steve was supposed to keep his head down, get good grades and get a scholarship to a university far enough away that he wasn’t even breathing the same air as his family. But then he becomes bestfriends with Bucky, falls in love with Bucky’s boyfriend Tony - and things get a bit more complicated along the way

2. just friends(?) AU

Summary: Tony did this, thing where he fell in love with his friends. All of his friends, except maybe Steve. (too bad nobody told Steve)

3. captain americana and the heartbreak prince AU

Summary: Steve Rogers has known Tony Stark for 10 years, 4 months and 11 days. He’s been in love with him for the exact same time.

4. om shanti om AU

Summary: It should be noted, for the sake of posterity - that Steve usually wasn’t one to buy into the craze that surrounded celebrities. At the end of the day, they were still people. Tony Stark though, that was his exception.

5. stevetony lawyer AU

Summary: raising a 14 year old boy while juggling a demanding job at the DA’s office wasn’t easy, but Steve made it work. It wasn’t an easy life, but it was a good life. They were happy - and then Peter gets charged with the murder of his classmate Wade Wilson and everything falls apart. With his son facing life in prison, Steve does the only thing he can and calls the best defence lawyer he knows - his almost fiance Tony Stark.

6. schitt’s creek AU

Summary: David! Tony x Patrick! Steve

7. kidnapped! tony stark AU

Summary: Tony gets kidnapped and Steve loses his mind.

8. zindagi na milengi dobara AU

Summary: desi AU. in college, Steve, Sam and Bucky made a promise. 3 weeks, 3 activities, 3 boys and the country of Spain. 15 years later, Sam is getting married and its time for them to make good on that promise, to give him the send-off of the century. But between Sam’s conflicted feelings over his engagement, unresolved tension that threatens to break up the trio; Bucky’s secret agenda and Steve’s workaholic tendencies - it definitely promises to be a trip they’ll never forget

9. arranged marriage AU

Summary: desi AU. Steve has been in love with Tony for years. So when his mother asks him to settle down, he impulsively sends a rishta to the Stark residence; and thinks nothing of it. And then - they reply.

10. betrothed AU

Summary: Tony and Steve are princes of neighbouring kingdoms, promised to each other at birth. But the life of a royal is not as smooth as it seems.

11. the salacious bisexual life of tony stark AU

Summary: As a journalist, Steve Rogers is expected to write articles on a great many number of things. He didn’t realise that could include his ex boyfriend.

12. Civil War AU

Summary: everything’s the same except: (1) Steve and Tony are dating, (2) Steve doesn’t know Tony is Iron Man

13. stevetony lucifer AU

Summary: Tony is tired of being the Devil, tired of following Howard’s order, tired of all the bullshit that comes with divinity. Malibu isn’t great but its a refreshing change of pace, a nice break from the screaming and the pain. And then he meets Detective Steve Rogers and Malibu suddenly has a lot more to offer.

Note: this AU was started by @imposter-human and all credits for it rightfully go to her. i just piggybacked onto it and added a couple of my own thoughts, but this AU is hers.

rhodeytony

1. Dostana AU

Summary: Rhodey and Tony desperately need a new apartment, and there’s a brilliant one that’s close to where they both work. There’s only catch though, the landlord, Pepper (who is stunning) only accepts applications from couples. After a night drowning their sorrows in the local bar, they come up with the brilliant idea to pose as a gay couple for the apartment. They move in, and come up with increasingly stupid ways to impress their new landlord without exposing that their marriage is a shamNeither bestfriend likes to lose, and both of them have their eyes set on one person: Pepper (or do they?)

2. rajput tony stark AU

Summary: desi AU. Toni Stark comes from a long line of rajput royalty. (this au has been genderbent since the original post)

3. civil war rhodeytony AU

Summary: civil war scenes re-imagined with an established rhodeytony and a past stevetonyrhodey otv.

4. me and my bestfriend but make it rhodeytony

Summary: memories of me and LRP but re-imagined as Tony and Rhodey

5. meri pyaari bindu AU

Summary: To the rest of the world, he’s always be a Mr someone - but to Rhodey, he has and forever will be, his very first love, Tony.

6. doctor who AU

Summary: Doctor! Tony Stark x River Song! fem James Rhodes

7. female tony AU

Summary: Tony doesn’t like Rhodey’s new girlfriend. (he’s still trying to figure out why)

stevebuckytony

1. stephanie rogers AU

Summary: Steph Rogers was never supposed to find herself on the frontlines of World War 2. Then again, she wasn’t supposed to do a lot of things. - the mcu re-imagined with genderbent Steve. eventual stevetonybucky otv

2. on your knees AU

Summary: dom/sub AU. Tony is relearning what it means to be alive in a world where he’s not in the clutches of HYDRA, and misinterprets a scene between dom! Steve and sub! Bucky

samtonybucky

1. president tony stark AU

Summary: Tony Stark is sworn in at the 46th President of the United States. Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes are assigned to his detail.

buckytonynat

1. the Carbonell Family AU

Summary: Anthony Carbonell is the patriarch of the Italian Mafia, Natasha and James are his bodyguards (and lovers). Steve Rogers is the FBI agent who’s vowed to bring him down.

clarktony (superiron)

1. bound by blood AU

Summary: when Clark’s parents die, Howard Stark takes him in. Desperate to recreate the serum by any means necessary he starts experimenting on both his new foster child, and his own flesh and blood son in an attempt to create the next supersoldier. Years later, Clark has broken free of Howard and is now Superman; but he and Tony are connected in ways he couldn’t even begin to understand

gen

1. morgan stark’s villain origin story AU

Summary: Morgan Stark isn’t a normal girl. It might have something to do with the death of her father.

2. blind tony stark AU

Summary: Tony loses his sight when he’s 15 after a kidnapping gone wrong.

3. desi! tony stark AU

Summary: just a link to all pieces that have desi! tony stark in them.

4. slytherin! tony stark AU

Summary: just a link to all pieces that have slytherin! tony stark in them.

5. AU-gust 2020

Summary: a masterlist to all the AUs i did for AU-gust, spanning various ships and fandoms

6. sins of the father AU

Summary: Harley has always known who his birth father is. It just never occurred to him, that his birth father might not know who his son is. im3 compliant. slightly aged up harley keener (he’s in highschool not middle school)

#my writing #au masterlist #this genuinely took ages to compile so please appreciate this #and give my aus some love #making this made me realise how many AUs that i have to update or extrapolate #some of these AUs will probably never be revisited #but who knows maybe if someone shows interest in a dead AU #i might find inspiration to add to it

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noahhernandez · 4 years

Text

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same !

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me.

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol.

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol.

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago.

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit.

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected.

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it.

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness.

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library.

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so. IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot.

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me.

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds.

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying.

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>???

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of.

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward.

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it.

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :(

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful.

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes.

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer.

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think 39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school). 40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart.

#personal

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cilliankelly · 4 years

Text

text 📱 cillian & ellie.

Discord text thread featuring: cillian & @robinscnfm

When: december 25th

Mentions: @judetaylorhq @loganstjames @iitsace

Description: ellie texts cillian to wish him merry xmas. they discuss their relationships and ellie encourages cillian to try and be better, but for himself, not for anyone else.

Trigger Warnings: insecurities galoooore but i think that’s it.

ellie.

merry christmas dumbass 🤩 hope u had a good time and that your leg is better ❤️ you’re awesome buddy

Cillian

thanks els bells

i know i don’t always act like i do, but i really do appreciate you and shit. thanks for everything and merry christmas

also i’m sorry about your couch

ellie.

i know you do ❤️ no problem. I really did take you in just to do you a solid, buddy

no problem 😂

i might not even need to get one. Yknow, logan asked me to move in and if i do, probably the less furniture the better. U know i have enough shit as it is lmao

Cillian

👀

does this mean you’re seriously considering it?

moving in with the boyfriend?

ellie.

honestly? I kind of am

i have until mid january to think about it

and i like his apartment, plus our schedules don’t always line up because he has a day job and i have a morning job and a night job, which makes hanging out impossible sometimes

Cillian

these all seem like very sensible conclusions

ellie.

They are. I mean. Its kind of scary im ngl

Cillian

definitely scary. but good i think.

ellie.

im not used to living with anyone which definitely freaks me out

and u know i love my crappy ass apartment

but.... its also exciting idk

Cillian

no i totally get it.

i mean it’s a little different for me bc until recently i didn’t really feel like i ever had a home

but it’s nice. it’s big and it’s kind of scary but it’s also really great.

ellie.

ohhhh wait wait 👀

are u moving in w .. someone?

its such a nice apartment too im ngl

and he doesnt let me pay for anything which wasnt an issue when we were 18 but now it makes me feel ✨very guilty✨

Cillian

fuck tell me about it

and i mean... yeah. he gave me a key for christmas

ellie

omg im so happy for you!!!!

thats so so awesome

fuckin scary too but im excited for u

Cillian

thanks. i desperately trying to not fuck it up anymore than i already have. but i feel good about it.

ellie.

he wants to marry me

Cillian

holy shit

i know you guys dated in high school but you’ve been together how long?

ellie.

a fuckin MOOD but hes lucky to have u. Yall are a good match

Cillian

wow thanks. that’s actually like, good to hear.

i kind of feel like i magically won the best friend/boyfriend lottery or something

ellie.

this time around? About a month. Overall? Like almost three years

but no. What he said was that he still had the ring he’d bought back then

and that he wanted to give it to me whenever i was ready to be asked

it fuckin scares me how much he loves me idk what i did to deserve it

U SAID BOYFRIEND

Cillian

sounds like we really are in the same boat

wait what

ellie.

im so happy

yeah we are. Idk ive never been with anyone who loved me so... up front and decisively

Cillian

it’s fucking terrifying

ellie.

it is

Cillian

like i’m really happy???? but i look at him and my chest gets all tight and all i can think about is how much it’s gonna suck to lose him.

also i’m a bit buzzed on wine right now and this conversation is staying RIGHT HERE eleanor.

i have a rep to maintain

ellie.

THATS LOVEEEEE CILLIANNN

and idk im conflicted. He told me he wanted to pick it up where we left off and i told him i wanted to take it slow, and he agreed

and i do want to take it slow....... but oof falling back to the place where we used to be before It happened has been so easy its fuckin scary

Cillian

and oh my god shut uuuuuuuuuuup

i can’t even imagine.

ace is back in town and that’s been... weird

ellie.

IM NOT GONNAAAA U LOOOVE UR BF

my resolve to go slow with him is getting weaker and weaker i am such a mess

i know. I think i saw her the other day. Hows everything on that front?

Cillian

i don’t know. fine? a little awkward. i don’t have feelings for her still but like. i see her and it reminds me how shitty i was. and still am.

ellie.

and dont worry. Yes people leave but not the ones that really love you.... and i have a feeling u found it

Cillian

i think it’s really bumming him out that like... nobody knows we’re... together.

ellie.

yeah why is that?

Cillian

i don’t know...

telling people makes it like... real.

and jude thinks that by not telling people it makes it easier for me to take it all back and regress or whatever

but i just... ellie i’m like positive that i’m gonna fuck this up. and i don’t know if i want to share it. with anyone really. not when it’s this good.

i don’t know if that makes any sense

ellie.

but its important to him

Cillian

he says it’s fine but i know it’s not.

ellie.

and listen

theres a strong possibility you WILL fuck it up and theres also a strong possibility that you will NOT fuck it up. No one knows.

and theres a possibility that he’ll fuck it up

or maybe something else will come in between you two and pull you apart

no one fucking knows ok dude

Cillian

jesus ellie, not making this any easier over here

ellie.

and you’re wasting the sweetest part of a relationship by thinking about the end

so like. The most u can do is stop thinking so far ahead, stop getting in your own way, and every day make the conscious decision to show him you love him and to not to fuck it up. Thats all any of us can do

Cillian

i don’t deserve him, i really don’t.

i’ve never felt so useless in my entire life.

ellie.

youre not useless

but i get you, i really do

Cillian

i can’t even fucking walk correctly. i can’t work. i can’t do anything

and i don’t know that i’ve ever like, really wanted to be better. but fuck. he deserves more than this.

ellie.

no no dont think like that

if you want to do anything about becoming more educated or some shit like that you have to do it for YOU because YOU deserve better

Cillian

it was hard enough the first time around. i’m just not cut out for it.

ellie.

i just think you havent found the right motivation

Cillian

and what’s that? the right motivation?

ellie.

idk how to describe it

like when i was in college i would think about graduating and being independent and it got me through boring classes and shit like that

so yeah. maybe what you need is motivation

Cillian

i know this is dumb. and it’s gonna get me an eye roll or something. but it’s just so much easier... to not.

ellie.

no its not dumb

but like. sometimes the things that are worth it arent the easy ones

Cillian

i just don’t want to fail again.

ellie.

bad news, youre gonna

Cillian

you’re all sunshine and rainbows this evening

ellie.

im tipsyyy

and also giving it to u straight

ur gonna fail bc failing is just. part of the human experience

but !! ur also gonna succeed my dude

Cillian

i guess you don’t know if you don’t try.

ellie.

also idk i think ur fear is valid and it happens to me too

so i just think itd be bullshit to tell u like <3 ur not gonna fail <3 everything will work out <3

Cillian

yeah. i wouldn’t believe you if you said that anyways.

ellie.

yeah exactly so like

the best thing i can say is that when you think that youre gonna fail just. try to think the opposite

Cillian

easier said than done

but i appreciate the advice

ellie.

yeah i know it is

no problem buddy <3 anytime

#texts → cillian & ellie #discord #i love these two sm

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skyfirewolf · 5 years

Text

Edward Stevens: facts

After the suicide of his uncle and guardian Peter Lytton, James Hamilton went off to train with an elderly carpenter and his younger brother, Alexander Hamilton, was whisked off to the King Street home of Thomas Stevens, a well-respected merchant and his wife, Ann. Of the five children born to the married couple, Edward born a year before Alexander became his closest friend, "an intimate acquaintance begun in early youth," as Hamilton described their relationship. As they both matured, the often seemed to display parallel personalities: both were quick and clever, disciplined and persevering, fluent in French, versed in classical history, held the same morals and were interested in medicine. In later years, Edward reminded Alexander of "those vows of eternal friendship, which we have so often mutually exchanged," he often fretted about his friend's delicate health.

Their physical appearance was close. Thirty years later, when Timothy Pickering, then secretary of state, first set eyes on Edward Stevens, he was torn by their resemblance. "At first glance, I was struck with the extraordinary similitude of his and General Hamilton's faces–I thought they must be brothers." Pickering confided with shock to Edward's brother-in-law, James Yard of St. Croix only to be told that this remark was said many times before. Pickering even concluded to himself that they were in fact brothers and Hamilton was an illegitimate child of "Stevens".

Edward Stevens also went to Kings College and years before Hamilton. November 11th, 1769 is Hamilton's oldest letter surviving in his pen–the recipient was Stevens. Arriving in New York 1773, the only person he knew was Stevens. In his first months at King's, he and a friend, Robert Troup, formed a club that gathered weekly to hone debating, writing and speaking skills. Stevens was one of the members.

While married to Elizabeth Schuyler, Edward Stevens became "the guardian angel" of the household and he appeared at providential moments and tended to Eliza reassuring her she was in no danger at times of illness. During the yellow fever epidemic in 1793, Edward Seven turned up Philadelphia and attended to both Alexander and Eliza when they both contracted the disease. He treated with bark, wine, and cold baths, a regimen that stirred some controversy since Stevens scorned the bloodletting treatment advocated by most doctors including Rush. Upon his recovery, Hamilton became an advocate for Stevens's method.

(Text above is credited to sonofhistory)

- He cured Eliza and Alexander of the fever within five days

- Stevens graduated from King's College in 1774 and then sailed to Britain to study Medicine at the University of Edinburgh

- He gained his doctorate (M.D.) on September 12, 1777

- Stevens' dissertation on gastric digestion was entitled "De alimentorum concoction"

- Based on this work, he was the first researcher to isolate human gastric juices

- His work confirmed that of René Antoine Ferchault de Réaumur, who showed the digestive power of gastric juices, and helped dispel earlier theories of digestion

- Stevens's work on digestion would influence Lazzaro Spallanzani

- On January 20, 1776, Stevens was admitted to the university's Royal Medical Society

- He served as the Society's president for the academic year 1779/1780. Stevens remained in Edinburgh until 1783 and was one of the joint founders of the Royal Society of Edinburgh in that year

- Stevens returned to St. Croix in 1783. He worked there as a physician for ten years

- He maintained his friendship with Hamilton through correspondence

- In adulthood, Hamilton tended to shun his turbulent adolescence, and Stevens was the only person from his childhood, including even his closest living family members, with whom he kept in regular contact

- Following the death of his wife, Eleanora, in 1792, Stevens decided to move to North America

- Stevens had considered a move to Guyana, but William Thornton urged him to choose the United States

- Also in 1792, Stevens married Hester Kortright Amory. Stevens ended his ten years of practicing medicine in the Caribbean and moved to Philadelphia in 1793

- (A/N" so he was widowed one year and married that same year, good job Ned)

- While in Philadelphia, he engaged in a controversy with Benjamin Rush on methods for treating an outbreak of yellow fever

- Stevens was admitted to the American Philosophical Society on April 18, 1794. Stevens's work in digestion may have influenced other researchers in Philadelphia, notably John Richardson Young

- In 1795, Stevens was appointed as a professor at King's College

- Stevens served as the United States consul-general in Saint-Domingue (later Haiti) from 1799 to 1800

- Stevens's title, "consul", suggested a diplomat attached to a country not a colony, reflecting the administrations view of the Haitian situation

- Following his arrival in Haiti in April 1799, Stevens succeeded in accomplishing several of his objectives, including: the suppression of privateers operating out of the colony, protections for American lives and property, and right of entry for American vessels

- Stevens pushed for similar privileges for the British, who, like the United States, were engaged in war with France

- Negotiations between Haiti and Britain were difficult given Haiti's fears of Britain's desire to take control of the colony, and Britain's fears of the Haitian slave revolt spreading to its own Caribbean colonies. In fact, Stevens had to serve as the British agent for a time since Haitian troops feared having a British official in the colony

- Little is known of Stevens's last years. For two and a half months in 1809-10, during the British occupation of the Danish West Indies, Stevens served as President of St. Croix. He corresponded with David Hosack, including a letter introducing his son in 1823

- He outlived Hamilton by thirty years

- He also referred to Hamilton as "My Dr. Ham"

- Meanwhile, Hamilton called Edward "Ned" and "Neddy" and often reffered to him as his "particular friend"

- "Throughout the remainder of 1803 Stevens attended the American Philosophical Society regularly. He is recorded as being present on October 7, October 21, November 4, November 18. In 1804 he attended on February 17 and February 24. A minute on August 17 of that year is confusing. Apparently he donated two volumes of books, but the precise readings of the Minutes is unclear. The description is "Steven's Wars. 2 Vols". Thereafter Stevens never attended again. It will be recalled that in 1804 Alexander Hamilton died in a duel with Burr, and possible then, or later Stevens retired to St Croix. David Hossack wrote to him in St. Croix in a letter dated September 20th, 1809, from New York, so by that year, certainly, Stevens had left the United States."

— Edward Stevens: Gastric physiologist, physician and American statesman

(Ned must have been significantly distressed by Hamilton's death and perhaps even moved back to St Croix because of this)

Some letters between Ned and Alexander:

"I have written you so repeatedly since my Arrival in Scotland, without having ever received an Answer... I am perfectly at a Loss I assure you, my Dr: Hamilton, to account for your Silence. I have written you frequently, and, as I know that you was at a Distance from New York, enclosed your Letters to some of our common Friends in that City, and requested them to transmit them to you. But I have not been able to collect the least Intelligence concerning you from any Quarter..."

—To Alexander Hamilton from Edward Stevens, 23 December 1777

"Who could have imagined my friend that a man of your greatness, of your delicacy of constitution, and of your tranquility, would have shone so much, and in a short space of time, in the Champ de Mars, that you did it? I assure you, my Colonel, that I have tormented myself a great deal about your health, which has always been very dear to me since the beginning of our acquaintance. I do not know how you can sustain the hardships and fatigues of a winter campaign in America. Surely your constitution would never have sustained such severity without the assistance of something very extraordinary."

— To Alexander Hamilton from Edward Stevens, 1778

"Dear Edward

This just serves to acknowledge receipt of yoursper Cap Lowndeswhich was delivered me Yesterday. The truth of Cap Lightbourn & Lowndes information is now verifyd by the Presence of your Father and Sister for whose safe arrival I Pray, and that they may convey that Satisfaction to your Soul that must naturally flow from the sight of Absent Friends in health, and shall for news this way refer you to them. As to what you say respecting your having soon the happiness of seeing us all, I wish, for an accomplishment of your hopes provided they are Concomitant with your welfare, otherwise not, tho doubt whether I shall be Present or not for to confess my weakness, Ned, my Ambition is prevalent that I contemn the grov'ling and condition of a Clerk or the like, to which my Fortune &c. condemns me and would willingly risk my life tho' not my Character to exalt my Station. Im confident, Ned that my Youth excludes me from any hopes of immediate Preferment nor do I desire it, but I mean to prepare the way for futurity. Im no Philosopher you see and may be jusly said to Build Castles in the Air. My Folly makes me ashamd and beg youll Conceal it, yet Neddy we have seen such Schemes successfull when the Projector is Constant I shall Conclude saying I wish there was a War.

. . .

PS I this moment receivd yoursby William Smith and am pleasd to see you Give such Close Application to Study."

- Alexander Hamilton to Edward Stevens, St Croix, November 11th, 1769

(Alex, hon, GET YOUR GRAMMAR TOGETHER MY BOY)

#Edward Stevens #Alexander Hamilton #Historical #Facts #Founding father facts #Historical facts #NEDDY #YEET #historical Hamilton facts #my stuff

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the--blackdahlia · 5 years

Text

Too Young to Fall in Love Chapter 17 (Dirt!Nikki x Reader)

Title: Too Young to Fall in Love 17

Summary: Nikki Sixx was a hard partying musician on the strip. He never expected to fall in love with anyone, until a girl knocked on his dressing room door looking for a ride home and took his breath away. Just like everything else Nikki did; the drugs, the money, the music; Nikki went hard with love. (Y/n) Bass never expected the bassist of Motley Crue to be the one to shake her calm and calculated life up. She had a plan. Graduate school, become an epic producer, and watch from behind the scenes as her brother’s band rose to fame. Nikki and (Y/n) were perfect for each other, too bad her brother, Tommy, didn’t think so.

Series warnings: Smut (18+ Please), drug use, language, referenced miscarriage, drug overdose, mentioned attempted suicide, out of character moments for everyone in the band, the timeline might be a little screwy but it’s fanfiction! I know nothing of music production and my medical knowledge is really screwy, so it won’t be accurate.

NIkki was wearing a tie, a fucking tie, and he was excited to watch (Y/n) march across the stage to get her diploma.

“I look like a damn monkey.” Tommy groaned, pulling on his tie. “Why can’t we wear our normal clothes?”

“We’re being supportive of (Y/n).” Mick said. Vanessa made her rounds, fixing ties and straightening jackets. She smiled at Vince as she fixed his tie.

“There.” She said. “You guys look presentable.”

“There’s a lot of snooty looking people here.” Tommy looked around. “Maybe I could set (Y/n) up with one of them.” He winked at Nikki. He loved to push his buttons.

“Do it and die lee,” Nikki growled as he shifted in his seat. He had taken a small bump before coming to this thing. He was nervous as hell but it helped to calm his nerves. Looking around he sighed. He hoped that the ceremony would start soon.

“It’s should be a few more minutes before they start,” Vanessa said as sat by Nikki making Vince pout. Vince never really did make anything official. Vanessa knew she was still a booty call.

“Hey it’s starting.” Mick told everyone.

The ceremony started, the graduates settled in their seats listening to speeches. And then they started calling out the names. Nikki saw her in line, waiting.

“(Y/n) Bass!” The dean said into the mic. And five seats in the middle of the audience erupted into screams and cheers. Like it was the Whiskey and she was Motley Crue. NIkki was the loudest.

“THAT’S MY SWEET GIRL!” he yelled giving her devil horns as she walked across the stage.

“Who are they?” one of her classmates whispered to her as she sat down.

“That’s my brother, my boyfriend, my best friend, a male model, and an alien.” (Y/n) laughed.

“Are they one of those bands that play the strip?” He asked.

“Yeah. They’re fantastic.” She smiled, settling in her seat. The ceremony finished off and the grads were waiting for their family. Before the guys and Vanessa could get to (Y/n), a man in a suit approached her.

“Uh...hi?” She asked.

“Ms. Bass correct?” the man said offering his hand.

“Yeah...who are you?” She shook his hand as she waited for an answer, afraid it was a sleezy porno produced offering her the chance to pay off her student loans and college debt.

“My name is Frankie Sharp, I'm one of the produces of Elektra," he gave her a smile.

“Oh, if you’re looking for the guys, they’re around here somewhere.” (Y/n) said, figuring that he was here to talk to the Crue.

“No, Ms. Bass,” he chuckled. “I’m here to offer you a job at Elektra as a producer of course you would have an intern starting salary and have to intern for a year, but we are very impressed with your portfolio and work ethic.”

“Wait...you want me?” She asked.

“Absolutely, we will see you at the office on Monday?” he said as he gave her his business card.

“I...yes! I’ll take it!” She said without even thinking it over. He smiled and walked away as the guys walked up. She looked at them, in shock.

“Was that one of the reps from elektra?” Nikki raised his eyebrow as he walked away.

“Uh huh.” She said, nodding.

“Are you ok sis? You look like you saw a ghost,” Tommy said as he watched Frankie walk off. “Was that one of the reps?”

“Yes now hush,” Vanessa said. “Well hun what did he want?”

“He offered me a job.” She explained. “He said they’re impressed with my portfolio I put together and my work ethic. I start on Monday.” The boys were quiet for a second before they broke out into cheers.

NIkki picked her up and spun her around giving a big yell. “That’s my girl! See you are smart. Oh I can't wait for you to represent us! You are going to be amazing!” he put her down and kissed her while dipping her.

“Hey, my turn to hug her!” Tommy said, pulling her away from Nikki and hugging her tightly. “Elektra will bow at our feet! Long live the house of Lee!”

“I’m still not going with your stage last name Tommy.” (Y/n) laughed.

Niki stood back and let Tommy have his moment with his sister. He saw how happy she was and he leaned over to Vince. “Is the thing I gave you still at the apartment?” he whispered to him.

“Which thing?” Vince asked, teasingly.

Nikki rolled his eyes, “the key dumbass!” he sighed and crossed his arms at vince.

“Oh right. The key to her chastity belt?” Vince teased. “No man, it’s safe. I put it someplace Tommy would never look.”

“Ok, good.” he smiled. “We still going to DisneyLand to celebrate right?” he looked at everyone as Tommy and Y/N joined in.

“Yes!” (Y/n) called out. “I mean...yeah, that sounds cool and shit…” She smiled at Nikki.

“We are going to the happiest place on earth!”

****

(Y/n) had a pair of pink ears on as they made their way around the park. Nikki had ran home, while (Y/n) and Vanessa got ready for their trip to the park. The first thing he had done when they got there was bought her the ears, since he thought she just looked so damn cute wearing them.

“What should we go on?” (Y/n) asked, looking towards the castle.

“NIKKI! The Teacups we need to go on the Teacups!” he bounced around.

“Okay, okay. Let’s go.” Tommy took her hand and pulled her away from Nikki, leading her to a ride. That’s how most of the day was. And the surprise Nikki had for (Y/n) was burning a hole in his pocket.

“Somebody get him distracted.” Nikki groaned.

“On it!” Vince said. Aurora was in front of her castle, waving at people when Vince approached her. Her whispered in her ear and offered her a ten. She smiled and made her way over to Tommy, starting to flirt with him.

“Princesses man.” Vince laughed. “Easy to bribe. I’d run now though.” Nikki nodded and grabbed (Y/n)’s hand, running to the castle.

“What are we doing?” (Y/n) asked with a laugh. Nikki pulled her into the castle, hidden from Tommy’s view.

“Well Tommy’s been hogging you all day and I needed to get you alone.” He held her close and kissed her deeply.

“Oh, he’s just excited.” She laughed. “But I agree. He’s hogging all my time away from you.” She kissed him gently. “So, why are we here? Am I a princess now?” She laughed.

“Yeah, you’re my princess,” he said as he placed his forehead against hers. “I have something for you.” he dug around in his pocket.

"Is it kid appropriate?" She asked, looking around.

Nikki chuckled, “If you count a key to a very nice new house not kid appropriate I’d hate to see what you think is kid appropriate.” he pulled a small box out of his pocket and opened it. There nestled gently in the middle was a shiny key. “I used some money we got from the tour and the album sales to get us a house. Would you like to move in with me?”

“You...you want me to move in with you? And you want to leave the party house?” (Y/n) asked, a little surprised, even though, when he was home he spent most of his time at the Bass house with her.

“I love you, and I know it seems fast but… I can’t picture my life without you.” Nikki whispered as he gazed into her eyes. “And besides, our house can be party central if you want it to be.” He lifted her up and swung her around. “I can’t imagine my life without you babe, what do you say?”

“Of course I’ll move in with you Nikki Sixx.” She smiled, teasing him about their first phone call together. “It’ll be great!”

Nikki hugged her and kissed her deeply. His hand cupping her face as a camera flash went off. Vanessa stood there smiling as Vince and Mick clapped. Tommy came in with a smile on his face as he adjusted his pants.

“What did I miss?” He looked around and froze when he Saw Nikki kissing his sister. “People, people! Enough with the PDA!”

“Says the asshole who just got blown by Sleeping Beauty at Disneyland.” Vince laughed.

“Well, I’ll start packing tomorrow.” (Y/n) told Nikki. Tommy raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Can I see the place when we’re done here?”

“Oh yeah sweet girl,” he smiled as he held her hand and led her to prince charming's carousel. “We can give everyone the grand tour.”

“What’s going on?” Tommy asked. “Packing? The place? Are you guys moving in together or something?” (Y/n) smiled up at Nikki. “Why didn’t you ask my permission or something first?!”

“I did back in Albuquerque,” Nikki said and laughed.

“What?” Tommy asked. “We went to Albuquerque?”

“Tommy, as your sister, you need to lay off the zombie dust.” (Y/n) laughed. “Isn’t that what you told me about the caffeine pills?”

“I.. uh… well that’s….” Tommy rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the carousel. “Oh look horses!” (Y/n) shook her head and left.

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogarukes @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316 @horrorpxnk

Motley Crue Tags: @primal-screamer @waywardprincess666 @twistnet @saint-of-los-angeles @vader-kai @motleyfuckingcruee @sharon6713 @kawennote09 @2dead2function @nikkisixxwiththebass @iamtiber-andtiberismusic @jayprettymuchomw @charlyallise @you-know-im-a-dreamer @livingdeadharley @estxxmotley @arianareirg @the-normal-potato @nikki-sixxtynine @jjjjjjjoshdun @just-a-normal-fangirl18 @stella20131991 @tarahell @wowilovenikkisixx @i-want-to-shoot-myself @motleycrueee @sams-serialkiller-fetish @getbackhonkycatt @are-you-reddie54321 @flamencodiva

Nikki Sixx Tags: @daisystuffsstuff

Too Young to Fall in Love Tags: @kingbouji3 @leximus98 @thekidbakerinthetardis @crystalbaby12 @shawnsstxtches

#too young to fall in love #Motley Crue #nikki sixx #nikki sixx x reader #nikki x reader #the dirt #dirt!nikki sixx #dirt!nikki sixx x reader #dirt!nikki x reader #dirt!nikki #fanfiction

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