#im hoping to be done moving latest by the end of this month

[midnights-wish]

since i started my new apprenticeship about two months ago i've been eating more & more like a pig; really, i've been eating whenever i had to pass time, which has been often, seeing as i currently need to 'travel' three hours almost every day & a lot of it is just waiting for the right train. i've also been working out & cooking less (also due to the time & just all in all being exhausted when i'm finally home). anyway, i'm not feeling very comfortable in my own skin because of it right now, so i've made up my mind — once i'm done with the moving process i'm gonna go back to the gym & let a trainer tell me how i get toned as quickly as possible, rather than to continue with my home workouts. v.v i'll also try to at the very least start preparing meals again so that at least that is somewhat under control.

please hold me accountable lol, i'm prone to change my mind on these things. though i'm honestly kinda looking forward to it: i really miss the feeling of sore muscles.

[watchmegetobsessed]

EVEN IF IT TAKES FOREVER

A/N: aaaah im so excited for yall to read this!!! im kinda ashamed to admit this whole idea came from something i heard in an ep of milf manor but lets just move past that lol

WORD COUNT: 9k

WARNING: sexual content, toxic and verbally abusive relationship, cheating (not from Harry or Y/N)

SUMMARY: Harry Styles is used to get any woman he wants, everyone knows that. But when his interest shifts towards you, everything changes and he is ready to wait for you for as long as it takes, even when he finds out you're engaged to your asshole boyfriend. Not even that ring on your finger stops him from pining after you.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

You don’t have to look up from the drink you’re making to know who just walked into the bar. It’s like the atmosphere of the whole place shifts instantly whenever Harry Styles appears, a sixth sense always triggers a siren in your head before your eyes could spot him crossing the space between the entrance and the bar. 

You’d be lying if you said you felt no excitement every time he shows up, the way your heart starts hammering in your chest is a great tell that he is anything but neutral to you, but you’ve been trying your absolute best to keep yourself under control. For one, he is known to be a flirt. Every woman in town knows that Harry loves three things, attention, pretty women and the combination of the previous two. You’ve seen him around with different partners every time, but never with the same twice. You heard the stories, the gossips and the whispers, how he shakes every woman’s world and then leaves, never giving the chance for anyone to even try to tie him down. This is not what you want or deserve.

And for two… You’re taken. Engaged, to be precise. 

When you spot Harry you instantly hide your hand behind your back, hoping the diamond ring won’t catch his eyes, because you know he would flip. 

Apparently, his latest fixation has been none other than you. He came into the bar about two months ago for the first time. He sat by the bar and clearly tried to flirt with you all evening, ignoring all the women who were brave enough to go up to him. He remained focused on you and as the evening carried on he became more and more blunt about his intentions with you. 

“So, are you coming home with me?” he asked when you walked out at the end of your shift. He was waiting by the back, leaning against his motorcycle. You were never blind, you saw how attractive he was then and you still see it now, but you just shook your head no.

“I’m taken.”

“You got a boyfriend?” He arched an eyebrow and you nodded. You expected him to give up, but instead, a devilish smirk took over his expression. “It’ll be even sweeter when I win you over, Angel.”

You were taken aback by his confidence and you were surprised when he showed up the next day, but got used to his presence quite fast. 

It became a sort of usual, have him walk in not long after your shift starts, he sits by the bar so he can talk to you, he drinks one or two beers and then asks if he could take you home once you’re done. You decline and then it starts all over again. 

An unexpected feature of his never dying attempts is that you’ve actually got to know each other during those long hours when he sat by the bar and entertained you while you worked and when he drops the cheeky act he is actually someone not just bearable but rather pleasant. You’d never admit it to him, but you kind of think of him as a friend, you’ve shared some things with him about yourself not many know. 

Like how you found out your boyfriend cheated on you. 

“You look stunning, as always, Angel,” he greets you as he takes his usual spot and you’re already pouring his drink.

“And you’re being flirty, as always,” you give him a knowing look, but he just smirks. You give him his beer and then move over to another man by the bar. 

When you return you notice the change in him and you know he saw the ring. As if you could still hide it from him, you cover it with your other hand, even though you did nothing wrong. 

“What’s that?” he asks, though it’s obvious he knows it’s an engagement ring. 

“Harry…”

“He proposed to you?” he asks, eyes snapping up to meet your gaze. 

“Yes, he did.”

“And you said yes?” He is clearly growing angrier by the second and you worry, because he tends to lose his temper easily. You don’t think he would ever hurt you, but he might take his anger out on something or someone else.

“Yes, that’s why I’m wearing the ring,” you say and try to keep yourself busy, moving the clean glasses in front of you around. 

“Y/N what the fuck?! You can’t be fucking serious.”

“I am and it’s none of your business,” you snap at him.

“The guy cheated on you!”

“Would you stop airing my private life for everyone?” you hiss at him, looking around to see if anyone has heard him. 

“Then explain to me how you are so stupid that you want to marry a man who doesn’t love you?!”

You’ve had enough. Checking if there is anyone waiting to be served you find no one so you walk out from behind the bar and grab Harry’s wrist, pulling him out through the back door to the empty parking lot behind the building. 

“Who do you think you are? You have no right to talk about me or my relationship like that!”

“Y/N, you are making a huge fucking mistake!”

“A mistake would be trusting someone about dating who has never stayed with a woman for longer than a couple of hours! What the fuck do you know about love or marriage when you can’t even stay until the morning when you fuck someone?”

It might be petty, bringing up his reputation against him just to invalidate his words, but he brought the worst out of you. 

“Because I don’t fucking lie to women about what I want! Your man lied right into your face and then only admitted to cheating when he was busted. You think he wouldn’t do it again? You think he is not doing it now? Cheaters don’t change, Y/N. He doesn’t fucking deserve you.”

“And you do?” you snap at him as your anger takes over your body. Maybe it’s because he brought up what Jeremy did or maybe it’s because he is lecturing you about something he has no right to stick his nose into. “Let me guess, I should ditch Jeremy and run to you? We fuck, have one great night and then leave me like you leave everyone, is that what I should go for? Is that what I deserve?”

He seems to be at a loss of words and that’s new. He probably wasn’t expecting you to call him out so explicitly, but it’s been building up for a while. 

“Do me a favor and stop trying to orchestrate my life. I’m more than capable of making my own decisions. Go and chat up another woman, fuck her so you stop trying to stick your dick inside me.”

You walk past him and straight inside, your rage doesn’t die down for a couple of long minutes. You take a few orders and then slowly get back to the workflow and manage to forget about Harry for a bit. When you glance towards his spot you see that his beer is still there, but he never returned. For a second you get uncertain, have you gone too far? 

No. He deserved it and everything you said was valid. It’s not your fault he can’t take the truth. 

Two days pass by and you see no trace of Harry. You find yourself looking at his usual seat from time to time and you mistake a few tall brunette guys with him, but he never actually shows up. You tell yourself you should be happy he is out of your hair, but somewhere deep inside you there’s still some disappointment that you try to push down every time it threatens to bubble up. 

Sunday comes and it doesn’t start off the best. Jeremy is in a mood all morning and he just practically picks a fight over anything you do. It’s whether what you cook, where you put the scissors or how you forget to lock the backdoor, he overreacts everything and by the time you’re leaving for work you’re a mess from all the fighting you’ve had. 

Being away from him is actually a bit of a relief, but your peace only lasts until he starts texting you and somehow you end up fighting again, this time about the outfit you wore to work. A simple black skirt with a white t-shirt, you’ve worn this before and he didn’t even notice, but today it seems like the skirt is too short for his taste and the shirt is too see-through. 

JEREMY: Enjoy the attention of every fucking men in the bar.

JEREMY: Congrats on being a slut.

You’re angry at him, but you’re also too tired to run around in circles. When he sets his mind on something nothing can change it, so there’s no use trying to convince him you’re not doing it to get other men’s attention.

You put your phone aside and ignore it for a while, but apparently, that wasn’t the right decision. Because the next time you check it you see a bunch of missed calls from Jeremy and another thread of texts.

JEREMY: Answer the fucking phone Y/N.

JEREMY: Are you fucking someone in the toilet? 

JEREMY: If I find out you fucked someone you’re dead I swear.

There’s only twenty minutes left until closing and the bar is almost entirely empty, so you step out to the back and call him. 

“Are you done fucking?” That’s what he says when he finally picks up. 

“Are you done being an asshole? I’m not fucking anyone!”

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that! I know you’re sucking dicks for tips, don’t even try to lie to my fucking face!”

He is vivid, shouting on the other end of the line and it’s making your head throb. You’re tired and you don’t want to deal with his unreasonable jealousy right now. All you want to do is go to sleep, but you know if you go home you’ll just continue from here. 

“I’m not lying, you’re delusional!”

“Stop with the fucking lies! Don’t fucking come home until you can’t admit the shit you’re doing! I will not have a woman lie into my face!”

“What the hell are you talking about? You can’t tell me not to go home, that’s my place too!”

“I’m sure you can find a place to sleep if you suck another dick.”

And with that the call ends. You’re staring at the screen in disbelief for several moments before the tears start rolling down your face. You lean against the brick wall and slide down as you let the sobs bubble from your throat. You try to call him again, but it doesn’t even ring. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you whisper to yourself as you bury your face in your hands. 

You always kept telling yourself Jeremy has a temper and that he doesn’t mean it when he says these nasty things, but every time it happens again it gets harder and harder to believe that you could put up with it. You get that it roots in his jealousy, but he shouldn’t act like this with you, you know it’s not normal and yet… you still haven’t been able to do anything against it. 

You’re so buried under your pain that you don’t even notice the motorcycle that rolls into the parking lot and stops just a couple of feet away from you. Harry’s voice is what snaps you out of your spiral.

“Y/N? What are you doin–Hey, what happened?”

He rushes over and kneels in front of you, one hand on your back as the other lifts your head by your chin. 

“I’m fine,” you breathe out, as if he couldn’t see your tear soaked cheeks and bloodshot eyes. 

“No, you’re not. What happened? Did someone hurt you?” Seemingly he is trying to find wounds on you, but you shake your head. 

“It’s just… I-I don’t…” You can’t get the words out, it’s like your mind is blocked. 

“Come on, let’s go inside.”

He helps you up and you don’t protest when his arms curl around you and he keeps you close to his chest as he walks you inside. He pulls you to the stool he usually takes and makes you sit before walking behind the bar and pouring you a glass of water. 

“I need to close,” you croak and try to get off the stool, but he stops you.

“I’ll take care of it.”

You faintly hear him making the last few people in the bar leave and then the lock turns on the door before he returns and sits beside you. 

“Now tell me what happened.”

“I don’t want to talk,” you breathe out as you close your eyes. When you open them again, Harry is still there looking at you patiently. 

Then he stands and walks back behind the bar, grabbing a bottle of tequila from the shelf along with two shot glasses.

“Alright. Then let’s drink the pain away.” He pours the liquor into the glasses and then pushes one over to you, holding up the other one. For a second you just blink at him, a warning going off somewhere in the back of your head, but you’re quick to turn it off. 

Drinking the pain away actually sounds nice right now, since you can’t go home until Jeremy is having his episode. 

So you finally take the shot and you catch a tiny smile from Harry before you both chug down the alcohol. And soon more follows, at least on your side. 

About thirty minutes and three more shots later you’re definitely drunk. But at least you stopped crying and can actually laugh now, practically on anything Harry says. 

“Oh my God, stop!” you cackle, slapping your hand onto the bartop.

“No, I swear! I climbed out the window and fell straight into the jacuzzi!”

“Did her father see you?”

“No, I would be dead by now if he did?” he chuckles.

“I can’t believe you were such a playboy even as a teenager!” you keep laughing. 

“What, are you surprised?” he cheekily asks.

“Honestly, not that much,” you snort and reach for the tequila bottle, but Harry pulls it away from you. “Hey!”

“Maybe let’s slow down a bit, yeah?” You pout at him, but he just grabs a normal glass from behind the bar, fills it with water and hands it over to you instead. 

“What, you’re not up for a bit of fun?” you grin into the glass, but take a few sips anyway. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“I do want to have fun with you, Y/N. But I’m also concerned at how fast you downed those shots,” he admits smirking. 

“Ah, how sweet of you, as if you don’t just want to take me to bed,” you scoff, but you didn’t mean it in a bitter way this time, like before. “Isn’t it tiring?”

“What is?”

“Ah, don’t make me say it!”

“I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about, Angel.”

“Angel!” you groan and then let out a sigh. “Aren’t you tired of running after me? I mean, you’re used to getting your way with women. Honestly, I thought you’d stop by now.”

Harry just stares back at you and it gets intimidating, especially when a smirk curls the corners of his mouth up. Your cheeks already feel quite hot, but now they are burning. You always hated how bothered he could get you despite all your effort to reject him in every possible way. 

Just when you think he’d ignore what you said forever, he finally speaks up. 

“Would you believe me if I said it’s because you’re different?”

“Oh no, don’t give me this bullshit!” you scoff and then just laugh it off. You change position on the stool and try to cover up just how much his words affect you. 

Because it might have been the corniest thing you’ve heard from him, but you’re also just a girl who’s a hopeless romantic and this is exactly the stuff that can turn you into a giggly mess in a heartbeat. 

“Why is it your first instinct that I’m just bullshitting you, Y/N?” he asks, but he is not at all accusing, more like curious. You purse your lip, but decide not to say anything, just sip on your water. Harry walks out from behind the bar and takes the stool next to yours. “I think you don’t know your real worth, Y/N.”

“And you do?” you roll your eyes at him teasingly. 

“I would love to, but as long as you don’t let me get closer to you, I can only work with what I see. I know you probably think I’m just lying to get into your pants, but if there’s one thing you should know about me is that I’m always telling the truth. I’d been lied to before, many times and I know what it does to you, so I would never do the same to you or anyone.”

“Is this your way of buttering me up?” you smirk, but narrow your eyes at him. Your wording makes him laugh. 

“Of course.”

“Ah, you are so smooth, I hate that about you! And I hate how handsome you are.”

Oops. That’s definitely the alcohol talking, you’d have never admitted that to him sober. You catch the surprised smirk on his face and you immediately regret opening your mouth. 

“So you think I’m handsome, huh?”

“Oh shut up! I can see your head getting big!” You point at him, but he grabs your hand in the air and tugs at you gently, just enough to make you hop off your stool and fall towards him. He catches you by the waist as you end up between his legs, your hands end up on his chest as you try to find your balance. 

“I would love to hear you say how handsome you find me, but just know, that you’re playing with my self restraint.”

Even despite the shots, you can feel the switch, your breathing becomes shallow and you make the mistake of letting your eyes move down to his lips for a moment. His fingers dig into your waist and though you know you should move your hands, you love how you can feel his warmth under your palms. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened earlier? Why were you crying?”

“Jeremy,” you say in a whisper. 

“Did he hurt you?”

“Just… with his words.”

“That’s still not okay, don’t downplay it. What did he say?”

A small voice in you is telling you not to tell him more, but his undivided attention and care towards you feels so good, it’s something you haven’t experienced in a while. Jeremy is different, he is not the soft type and though you’ve been telling yourself it’s fine, you can’t deny how much you’ve been craving this kind of connection with someone. 

“He accused me of cheating, that I… I suck people off for money.”

Harry’s hands stiffen on your waist, but he stays silent and gives you the chance to talk. You can feel your throat closing up again and your instinct is to close up, but you want to take this weight off your chest in any way possible, so you don’t hold yourself back. 

“It wasn’t the first time he flipped, sometimes he just… loses his mind and takes his frustration out, often on me.”

“Has he ever hit you?” Harry asks in a somewhat cool tone, but you can tell he is holding a lot back. 

“No,” you shake your head. “But his words… He called me a slut tonight.”

Harry exhales sharply and you see his jaw jumping. Your reasonable self is pounding down the door of the room you shut it into, but you blatantly ignore it as you push closer to him. It’s your first time being this close to him physically and you want to hate it, you really do, but truth is you feel yourself being pulled towards him and you’re just too tired and weak to fight it. 

When one of his hands moves to cup your cheek you’re ready to give in. You part your lips and give him an unmistakable look and you expect him to take advantage of the moment, but he surprises you by turning his head to the side with a heavy sigh.

“Is it not what you want?” you ask quietly, trying your best to ignore just how rejected you’re feeling all of a sudden. 

“You know it is,” he replies, turning back to face you. “I want you more than anything.”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

He shakes his head and your stomach sinks. You try to pull away, but he keeps you caged against him. 

“Hey, look at me.” His hand captures your chin to make you look at him, but you keep your gaze away from him. “Y/N, look at me,” he pleads again and you give in at last. 

His thumb slowly runs across your bottom lip, making it tremble from the intimacy of his touch. 

“This is all I’ve wanted since I first saw you and it’s taking everything in me not to take it. But I know you and I know that you would regret it. I would never put you in a situation that could hurt you.”

You hate how right he is, how well he knows you. 

“So considerate, respecting the… bro code and everything,” you huff, hoping to break this weird mood that’s lingering around the two of you now. Harry’s head falls back as he laughs. Then he grabs your hand that has your engagement ring on and with a confident move he takes it off, throwing it over his shoulder and you just watch with your mouth hanging open.

“I give zero fucks about the bro code, especially if it’s about that asshole you call your fiancé.”

“Did you just–”

“What I do care about is,” he continues, “you. And how you feel.”

Your mind is racing but also blank at the same time. You just stare back at him, eyes drooping as the alcohol is starting to wear you out. 

“So what, you’re just gonna wait around, hoping I will wake up one day and leave Jeremy for you?” you ask jokingly, but his answer comes in a serious manner.

“Exactly.”

There are a couple of seconds when the two of you are just staring back at each other and you swear you can see the universe in his green eyes, the past, the present and a future together and as much as it scares you, it also starts a fire somewhere deep in your chest. 

“Can you–um, can you give me a ride to my sister’s place?” Clearing your throat you pull away and this time he lets you. 

“Sure.”

You sit on his motorcycle behind him, arms wrapped around his torso tight as you watch the night lights pass by, blinking lazily, his scent filling your nose every time you press your cheek against his back. When he stops in front of your sister’s apartment’s building you almost ask him to just drive for a bit more, but you force yourself to let go of him and climb off the motorcycle. 

“Thanks for… everything, I guess,” you awkwardly say while he is still sitting on the bike. 

“Take an Advil before you go to bed.”

“Okay, stop babying me,” you laugh and he finally breaks into a smirk. “I guess I’ll see you around?”

It’s a simple question, but the obvious hidden question is right there, out in the open. It’s your way of asking if he’ll be returning to the bar despite the fight you had a few days ago. 

“Of course. Keep my seat open.”

Nodding you’re about to turn around and walk inside, but he calls after you.

“Y/N?” You look over your shoulder, waiting for him to continue. He opens his mouth, then closes before actually speaking up. “You don’t have to believe that my interest in you is genuine. I will gladly prove it to you any way possible, but… Maybe you should look at Jeremy with the same criticism as well.”

You have no idea what to say so you just nod and then keep walking until you’re inside the building, but you stay leaning against the door until you hear his motorcycle roar up and fade into the night. 

You’d love to say that after the night with Harry at the bar everything changed, but that’s not true. The next day you went back home, Jeremy calmed down by then, you had a fight nonetheless, which ended up with some makeup sex, but your head was somewhere else.

Or with somebody else.

Then it all went back to the same usual. Harry was there at the bar the next time you were working and luckily he didn’t bring up anything that happened that night. Not what you said about Jeremy, not that you practically admitted being attracted to him and not that you gave him the green light which he rejected. It’s all locked up in a box and put aside. 

However you can feel a slight change in yourself. Harry’s words did stick with you and have been on repeat ever since. 

Maybe you should look at Jeremy with the same criticism as well.

You and Jeremy have been together for over three years and moved in together a year ago. You can’t really remember a time you haven’t been with him. You do know that he is not perfect and the shit he pulls sometimes… 

You’ve thought of leaving him before. It did occur to you that maybe you’d be better off without him when he flipped in the past and turned crazy out of the blue. But every time it happened, he went back to his sweet old self, the one you fell in love with. 

But are you still in love with him?

One day, about a week later Harry waltzes into the bar, but he is not looking his usual, confident self. 

“Okay, hear me out before you say no,” he starts as he takes his spot while you’re drying off some glasses. “I know you might find it hard to believe, but I have friends.”

“We are off to a great start,” you chuckle.

“My best mate, Mitch, he lives two hours away so we don’t meet that often, but he is in town this weekend.”

“Good for him,” you smile, curious about what will come out of it.

“And we were talking about what we should do and all that and I made a mistake. He suggested this club we could check out and said we should meet there at nine but I asked him to make it ten thirty, because on thursdays you finish work at ten.”

Your hand stops mid-motion and you put the glass down, giving him a curious look as you tilt your head to the side. 

“Obviously he wanted to know who you were and I swear I told him we have nothing going on, but he is just so stubborn, he didn’t let it go until I promised I would ask if you wanted to come with us. So here I am, I asked, you can just ignore it and tell me to fuck off. I know you probably wouldn’t want to spend the night in a random club with me and my friend and his wife, so if you just–”

“I’ll go with you.”

Your reply surprises him the most of course, but yourself as well, though you don’t let it show. You spoke before you could think it through and not that it was said out loud and you can’t take it back… You don’t really mind it at all, to be honest. 

“Are you trying to mess with me right now?” he asks, leaning closer, examining you with a narrow-eyed look. 

“No. I haven’t gone out in forever actually, so I would love to.”

He stares back at you for a long moment, looking for any sign that might tell him you’re just joking, but when he sees none, he decides it’s better to just accept it. 

“Okay. Okay, then… I’ll, umm… I’ll pick you up after work?”

“Sure.” 

“Okay.”

“Okay,” you say after him, feeling entertained that you could surprise the always so confident Harry Styles. “So tell me about this friend of yours. Is he hotter than you?”

His expression changes in an instant, the cockiness returns and there is the man you know and…

“He wishes,” Harry laughs. “I met him through work.”

The apartment is silent when you arrive home that night. Jeremy is working the night shift so you have the place for yourself until he comes home at around four in the morning. The bed is unmade in the bedroom, the plates he used during the day are in the sink and the hamper is full of his clothes. It’s all waiting for you to get everything done even though you work just as much as he does. It wasn’t always like this, you remember the honeymoon phase when he would cook for you and then clean up after, when he would bring you flowers for no particular reason.

When he would actually act like someone who loves you. 

With a heavy sigh you get to work even though you just finished. When the dishes are done and the washing machine is loaded you finally sink into the couch and just sit in silence for a bit. Right until a buzzing sound interrupts your peace. Only then you notice that Jeremy left his phone on the coffee table. 

Grabbing it you check the screen and see that one of his buddies is calling. The name flashes and you wait for it to stop. When he does, you just keep holding the phone, staring at your own reflection in the black screen. 

Jeremy never lets his phone out of his hands, he takes it with him into the bathroom and he is always on it. Tapping on the screen the device comes to life and asks for a password. He never felt comfortable using  face ID or his finger print, so he only uses a password to lock it. What he doesn’t know is that you’ve seen him type it out so many times that you actually figured out what it is. 

No, it’s not your name or the date you met. It’s his favorite line of his favorite movie. 

I am Ironman.

Before you could think twice, you type it in, no space, capital I in Ironman and then the phone unlocks. A rush of excitement washes over you as you open the messages in an instant and start scrolling through them. 

Texts from his dad, from his boss, from his friends and texts from…

Andrea.

And Penelope.

And Bella.

And Riley.

Unmistakable messages, photos and even voice memos. It’s all there and you just keep scrolling and reading and it feels like it never ends. When you get to the end of one thread you find another. It’s not just one woman, but about a dozen. Not even you can turn a blind eye over it this time.

But surprisingly, you don’t feel like you want to scream or cry or punch the wall. Instead, you just put the phone back where it was, walk into the bedroom, grab a bag and start packing some stuff you’ll need for the next few days. When you’re done you walk into the kitchen, grab a paper and leave him a note. 

You have two days to move out. Take your shit and move to Andrea or Penelope or Bella or any of your bitches. Goodbye. 

Then you take the ring off your finger, place it next to the paper and walk out.

Harry wasn’t sure what he expected to see when he arrived to pick you up after your shift. He thinks you’re the most beautiful woman he has ever seen even when you’re wearing a stained shirt after a long day, so it really doesn’t matter to him what you wear.

But when you step out through the back door in your skin tight black dress that’s top sheer enough to tease him with a peek of your black bra underneath. 

“Are you gonna just stand there and stare or are we gonna get going?”

He opens his mouth to say something, but then he just shakes his head with a laugh as you finally reach him by his bike. 

“Let’s get going.”

You hit it off with Mitch and his wife Sarah instantly. It’s like you’ve always known each other and you can’t tell if it pisses Harry off or he just likes to be the victim every time the three of you make a joke at his expense. 

Even though it’s a Thursday night, the club is pretty busy, but not the kind that makes you want to crawl out of your skin, because someone is always touching you wherever you go. Harry however stays close to you no matter what, like a guard dog, watching your every move. 

It’s giving you butterflies. Especially because he is doing all this even though he doesn’t know about your little secret you will share with him, but you’re waiting for the perfect moment. 

You start off in a booth, having a few drinks, talking and having fun and when the DJ starts playing songs that are just too irresistible you and Sarah drag the men to the dance floor. They try to protest, but it doesn’t last long. As gruff as Mitch can look, it’s obvious he is whipped for his wife and would do anything Sarah asks him. 

And Harry… Well, the moment he sees you moving to the beat he practically glues himself to you. Though dancing is not your biggest strength, you can definitely follow the rhythm and move your body in a way that’s appealing to the male gaze. 

You can tell Harry is trying to keep his cool, but the more he holds himself back, the more you push his buttons. Touching him while dancing, moving in a way that obviously makes him struggle, pressing up against him and then you pull out the big guns when you start grinding on him, when you have your backside pushed against his front. His hand on your stomach twitches when your ass meets his crotch in a not-at-all innocent way and you hear his groan even over the loud music. 

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Y/N,” he speaks into your ear, his hot breath sending goosebumps down your spine. You turn your head and your lips almost brush against his as you look at him innocently.

“Not having fun, Harry?”

“You’re teasing me.”

“Do you not like it?” You turn around to face him easier, but press your front against his to keep the physical contact on the same level. 

“Y/N, you’re… taking it too far,” he warns you, but it just urges you to keep pushing his boundaries. You’re enjoying this way more than you probably should but you are giving yourself the satisfaction this one time. You’re not afraid of asking for his forgiveness later, because you have a feeling he will gladly give it. 

“Am I doing something wrong?”

“No, but I might if you don’t stop.”

“Don’t stop what?”

“Acting like… you’re trying to seduce me.”

“I can’t do that? Why?” It finally brings him to the point where you wanted him to be.

“Because you’re engaged and I’m–” he snaps, but you don’t let him finish.

“Except I’m not.”

You both have stopped moving in the middle of the dancing crowd and Harry is staring at you as if he just saw a ghost. Slowly, you raise up your hand and show him your naked fingers. Reaching up he grabs your hand as if he had to physically touch your ring finger to make sure the ring is not there anymore. 

“I ended things with Jeremy and he moved out. I’m single.”

His gaze keeps flicking back and forth between your eyes as he just keeps staring at you, it seems like you broke him and he forgot how to function, but then his expression changes and you read it perfectly. 

It’s not enough for him that you and Jeremy broke up. He wants you to give him the green light.

You look down at his lips and think of all the times you fantasized about kissing them and the guilt you felt every time, but now it’s nowhere, pure desire took its place and you’re ready to give in. 

You move a hand to the back of his neck and push yourself up, making that first move, but Harry is quick to take over from there. He moves fast as his lips crash down on yours, finally kissing you with the heat of his months long pining and never dying persistence. 

You’ve had your fair share of passionate moments in your life before, but nothing compares to the way Harry practically devours you, he’s demanding, dominant and rough, but the more he takes from you the more you’re willing to give until he has everything in you. His hands are holding your face firmly, tilting your head in the perfect angle for him to greedily kiss you until your lips are numb and you’re gasping for air. And when you can’t keep up with his hunger his mouth moves down to your neck, kissing, biting and sucking shamelessly as if you weren’t on a dancefloor at a club. He has one hand move from the back of your neck into your hair, giving it a gentle tug while his other hand makes its way down your body, your ribs, your waist and then it stops on your ass, squeezing it without remorse, earning a moan from you that just riles him up even more. 

For a split second you’re convinced he is about to fuck you right then and there in front of all those people. But to your surprise he pulls back, his hand wraps around your wrist and he starts pulling you out of the crowd. At the side he finds Mitch and Sarah dancing and he leans close to his ear. You don’t hear what he says, but judging from the smirk and the way Mitch nods, he didn’t try to sugarcoat anything. 

You don’t even get to say goodbye properly, Harry lets go of your wrist, but his arm is quick to curl around your waist as he leads you towards the exit. The cool night air feels refreshing after the heat inside the club, but you don’t get to enjoy the change, Harry is eagerly pulling you towards his motorbike and when you reach it he pushes you against it before kissing you hard again. Your ass is pressed against the seat and for a moment you think it’s about to fall over along with you, but it stays steady while Harry is having his way with you. Then he just simply pulls back and helps you up, making sure you’re holding onto him tightly. 

“This will be the longest ten minutes of my life,” he says, making you laugh as he starts the motor and moments later you’re speeding down the streets. 

It really is an excruciating ten minutes until you arrive at your place, especially because you keep squeezing your thighs against his, giving him a rather hard time and every time you have to stop at a red light, Harry’s hands are quick to find your naked legs, roaming them shamelessly until he has to hold the handles again and focus on the road. 

As soon as he parks in front of the building and you get off the bike, he is back to focusing all his attention on you, so it’s a challenge to even make it up to your apartment. His hands are mapping up every inch of your body and he takes every chance to kiss you on the lips, neck or shoulder, making it almost impossible for you to even open the front door, but at last you manage and he is quick to shut the door and then push you up against it. 

But he is not kissing you this time, instead he looks at you with such passion and tenderness at the same time, it makes your whole body shiver. 

“Tell me no at any point, okay?”

“Okay,” you whisper as a sudden nervousness washes over you. You are not nearly as experienced as he is and sex with Jeremy had been more about his quick relief rather than something you both could enjoy the same amount. 

“Hey, we don’t have to do anything tonight. Holding you is more than I even hoped for tonight,” he admits with a chuckle and he gives you a short, soft kiss. 

“I want to. I just… I’m afraid I won’t be… good enough.”

You’re nervously fidgeting with the neck of his shirt while his hands are plastered to the door behind you either side of you, keeping you caged in with his body. 

“Angel, you had me running after you for two months and the past weeks felt like the longest foreplay of my life,” he chuckles. “I should be the one being nervous about coming in ten seconds.”

You can’t help but crack a smile at his words and he did ease your nerves a bit, but you’re still worried. With one hand he caresses the side of your face so softly, you almost question if he is the same man who was groping your ass not long ago in a packed club. 

“I doubt you could ever not be good enough for anyone but especially for me.”

Your inside melts and there are no words that could describe the way he is making you feel. But instead of talking, you push yourself against him and kiss him, urging yourself to overcome your insecurities so he doesn’t regret choosing you. 

You manage to hype yourself up so well that when you reach your bedroom you pull away and make him stop at the edge of the bed as you stand just a few feet away from him. His eyes roam up and down your body with such hunger you have never seen from a man before and it gives you that last boost to step your game up. 

With slow, teasing movements you start to pull your dress up, revealing more and more from your legs, than your underwear and when the fabric is bunched up around your waist you cross your arms, grab the hem and pull it up and over your head before dropping to the floor, all while Harry is eating you up with his eyes, sitting there with the smuggest smirk on his face as he watches you like he is in a movie theater. 

“Fucking perfect. Come here,” he holds a hand out that you take and he pulls you between his legs, placing your hands to his shoulders as his palms slide to the back of your thighs. He places a few open mouthed kisses to the swell of your breasts before his hands squeeze your thighs, urging you to move your legs and make you straddle him. As you climb to his lap he captures your lips in a toe curling kiss and he catches you by surprise when he flips the two of you over and throws you into the mattress. 

He straightens up but just enough to get rid of his shirt, revealing even more tattoos you haven’t seen and a toned chest with abs you’re already burning to touch, kiss or lick. Or all of these above. He comes back down on top of you, his lips return to yours while his hand easily slides underneath you, unclasping your bra and seconds later he is throwing it across the room before his mouth starts moving down your neck, collarbones and then to your chest. You rake your fingers through his hair as his tongue swirls around your nipple and you gasp when he gently bites and tugs on it, flashing you a cheeky smirk when he looks up at you before he keeps moving down on your body. When he reaches your underwear he takes the elastic between his teeth and tugs on it then lets it go so it snaps back against your skin, making you gasp and give him a protesting look, but it just makes him chuckle. 

“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t wear it for me,” he mumbles against the lacy fabric, skimming it with his lips. 

“I did, but not to have you play with it,” you breathe out, however you quite like how playful he can get even in such a heated moment. This is a side of him you’ve gotten to get just a glimpse of but you’re getting the full ride now. 

“Alright. Next time then,” he shrugs and hooking his fingers into the elastic he tugs it down as you lift your hips up and soon it joins the rest of your clothes on the floor, leaving you fully naked in front of him. But before you could worry about your looks, his mouth is already on your throbbing clit, making you forget about your whole existence. 

He turns you into a whiny mess with his lips and tongue in just seconds and when he adds his fingers into the equation all you can do is repeat his name like a prayer to all powers above. You’ve never experienced anything like this, not that anyone you’d been with did it the way Harry is. Before you could even process what’s happening you’re coming on his face and he is licking up every drop of it in every possible sense. 

Your body already feels like jelly when he moves back up and he kisses you with your own taste still on his tongue, but he is not even nearly done with you. 

He kneels up and unbuttons his pants and then pushes them down along with his boxer briefs so now you’re looking at just how good enough he is finding you. You can’t take your eyes off his erection, it’s big, rock hard and the tip is glistening from the precum. It’s like the sight has turned on something inside you, because before you could have a second thought you’re moving until you’re on your knees as well, hands wrapping on his cock. Harry moans at your touch and a triumphant smile stretches across your lips as you lean down and don’t stop until your lips are wrapped around the head. 

He sits back onto his heels, eyes glued to you as you struggle to push further and further down his length every time your head bobs down. You’re far from taking his whole cock, but every time you go down again and again he keeps praising you. 

“Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good.”

“Look at that mouth, taking my cock so well.”

“That’s it Angel, you make me feel so fucking good.”

You don’t stop until your jaw is sore and when you finally come up he doesn’t hesitate to kiss you hard, pushing you back onto the mattress as he lands on top of you again. 

Half blindly, you reach towards the nightstand and into the drawer, grabbing a condom and handing it over to him. You’d love to be the one to roll it onto his cock, but your hands are starting to shake from how much you want to feel him inside you already. 

Once the condom is on he lowers his hips between your legs and you feel his length wedge between your drenched folds. He moves his hips back and forth a few times, coating his length in your arousal before reaching down between your bodies and grabbing himself by the base. 

“As much as I want to take you in every possible pose, I meant that I might not last long,” he chuckles as the head is already teasing your center. “But I won’t stop until you come again. And I’ll have all my fantasies played out next time.”

Next time. These two words make your heart jump, knowing that he is planning to have a next time and you’re still thinking about that when he finally thrusts forward and into you, filling you up inch by inch until his whole length is buried inside you. 

He stills for a few seconds, maybe to let you get used to his size or maybe to regulate himself enough to last longer, you don’t know for sure. But then his lips capture yours again and he starts moving. His hips are rocking back and forth in a steady rhythm and when you hook your legs around his waist he picks his pace up and his thrusts become a bit rougher than before, but it’s just what you needed. 

Your second orgasm is already building up in the pit of your stomach and you claw at his back as he buries his face into the crook of your neck, his moans getting muffled by your heated skin. You feel his muscles flex on his back and you can tell he is close, but he is fighting to hold back for you.

He lifts his head and rests his forehead against yours, keeping his rhythm steady and you see the struggle in his eyes. 

“I’m close,” you breathe out and he nods with an almost torturous look. “Let it go, Harry, I want to feel you come.”

“Not until you—”

“That’s what I need,” you urge him and he moans before he thrusts forward harder than before, he stays still for a moment, gasping for air as he pulls back and slams into you again, riding out his own orgasm that quickly triggers yours. 

Seeing him fall apart because of you is all you needed. 

He keeps moving for a while, but his thrusts become sloppier until they come to a halt. His whole weight is pushing against your body as your hands are lazily dancing up and down his sweaty back. You feel his heart hammering against your chest and listen to how his breathing slowly steadies before he rolls off of you. Moving with him you curl up against him, your head resting on his chest. 

Then, out of the blue he lets out a soft chuckle. Curiously you lift your head to look at him questioningly. 

“I think I need an award for lasting that long,” he comments and you laugh with him until his hand cradles your face and he pulls you up for a soft, lazy kiss. 

A siren wakes you up that passes by the bedroom window. You grimace with your eyes still closed as you roll from one side to the other, your hand reaching out, searching for Harry’s body, like you did during the night, but this time all you find is the empty mattress beside you.

It instantly sets off a siren in your head as well. 

Sitting up you look at the rumpled sheets on the right side of the bed, but Harry is still not there. Your stomach drops as you crawl out of bed and grab a shirt and a pair of panties to put on quickly before walking out of the bedroom, hoping you might find him in the kitchen making breakfast, but when all you find is your own mess from the day before, panic takes over.

There won’t be next time. That was just an empty promise, he left you just like he left everyone else. How could you even think that you were different?

Tears are dwelling in your eyes as you wrap your arms around you, but then you hear the front door open and you turn around to find Harry walking in, balancing two coffees in one hand and a paper bag in the other.

“Hey, you’re up! I went to get us breakfast, because I didn’t find much in your fridge and—Y/N, are you crying?”

“No,” you shake your head, but then a sob bubbles from your throat. Harry places the cups and the bag to the side table and rushes over to you in panic. 

“What happened? Talk to me,” he pleads, but you just shake your head, embarrassed that you instantly assumed the worst of him. 

It takes only a couple of seconds for Harry to put the puzzle pieces together as well.

“You thought I left,” he says. 

“I got scared for a moment when I didn’t find you.”

He doesn’t try to play it off or play the victim. He pulls you into a tight hug and gently sways until you calm down. When he pulls back and looks you in the eyes all you see in his gaze is determination. 

“Remember what I told you the night when I dropped you off at your sister’s place?”

“That I should look at Jeremy with criticism.”

“Before that.” You remain silent because you can’t recall what else was said that night. “I said that I will gladly prove to you that my interest in you is genuine.”

Oh, yeah. You remember that.

“The proving starts now. I will do anything to earn your trust.”

“Even if it takes a long time?” you ask, biting into your bottom lip. He smiles warmly at you.

“Even if it takes forever.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[suburbanbonfire]

tagged by @18minutemajor for a hockey art share tag game! I enjoy talking about myself but am terrible at posting so this is perfect. i WILL talk too much, this is a threat.

rules: post your first ever hockey art, your latest hockey art, and your favourite hockey art, then tag three hockey artists.

FIRST ART

I made the Kraken Orb (Korb) at the end of the 22-23 season, as a commemoration, although a sort of ironic one considering i had only gotten into hockey in time for the playoffs so there are a couple players here i actually never got to see play at all before making this (Joonas, Jaycob, Burky, Fleury)

it was a whole lot of fun though! Prior to this i was in a months-long art slump after leaving a fandom, so it was a total surprise to have hockey of all things be what revitalized my art.

technically, the very first hockey art from this was Matty; you can kinda tell by the way his lines are a bit thicker than the rest since i wasn't in my groove yet. i also knew coming in that i wanted to arrange the faces in a circle, but didn't plan out beyond that, so i just made sure that i was getting a variety of head directions in my references and hoped for the best. My favorites from this are Gru, Soucy, Dunn, Schultz, Borgen, and Eeli. I think they all turned out really well.

LATEST ART

MEAT CUT MEAT CUT

this one is fun for me because it's quite different from my usual style of art, with lineart and non-realistic forms/face. I've had the concept in my head for awhile after hearing/reading so many interesting descriptions of the physical qualities that good hockey players possess.

'Sacrifice the Body' actually came in mid-art when i had an epiphany doing something like driving my car or an activity similarly unrelated. Before that, it was going to be a lil heart drawn on the chest and the going contender for the label was 'Ferda.' which would've been great, but sacrifice the body just worked too dang well with the themes.

FAVORITE ART

i mean, c'mon. it's gotta be this one.

my magnum opus, my white whale. it came out even better than i saw it in my head and i love everything about it. when i came up with the idea, i had TOTALLY forgotten that Climate Pledge has those giant windows, so when i set out to find references and saw it, it instantly made everything even better with LIGHTING!!!!

It was my first time drawing this kind of interior architecture and although there's definitely things i would do differently now, im so so proud of how it looks and turned out. I was also still drawing through my decade-old laptop at that point, so I had to split up the work on this into two files - i sketched everything, then worked ONLY on the bg until it was about 90% done, then made a flattened copy to open as a new file to draw the players on top of.

I also have a bunch of WIP shots of it in my drafts I guess I'll throw in here now!

initial sketch to get down the composition before i remembered the window | lines of the building! i actually found a 3d virtual tour of CPA from before it was built which had the PERFECT angle, so i screencapped that and straight up traced the architecture. Ultimately, the scoreboard and the paint lines ended up getting moved around.

planning out my lighting in greyscale (i really need to do this more often, i struggle with values so much, alas) | in progress bg! at this point, the ice and the boards/glass were the only things completed. I eventually said 'fuck it' to being able to see the areas behind the stands like you could in all my references, and just put the people dots all the way up.

Now the most gut-wrenching part

THE TAGS

this is where me being bad at posting comes into play, because instead i just lurk and thats not great for forming connections HERE GOES

@ruinedcasket - it has been awesome seeing your art progress! would love 2 hear your thoughts about it

@rouzys - your kraken stuff is so pretty, love how you capture likenesses

oh god oh fuck everyone else i know has already been tagged fuck oh sshit

If You Are An Artist On Hockey Twit And See This, It Is A Sign

[whinlatter]

Any hint on when the next chapter is coming? cause IM SO EXCITED AND THIS NEEDS A COUNTDOWN !!! 🫶🏻

ok so! chapter 11! thank you sm for being excited! i'm excited, too!

i have had a few Qs in the inbox about when it's coming, so will give you the lay of the land here. basically i've got good news and bad news (depending on your perspective)...

the good news is - the plan is to share it next week at the latest, and possibly earlier, if i get the stuff done tomorrow that i'm hoping to. if the last chapter was the party, this chapter is the hangover, and it's all blowing up, babyyy. this chapter has some of my favourite scenes i've written in it, including some that have been written for absolutely ages, and it was an absolute treat to write it. the only reason it isn't out already is that i got cold feet about how well it worked as a standalone chapter having cut the original chapter ten in two and posting part one as chapter ten. i felt the part of the original chapter that became chapter 10 worked much better as a standalone chapter (including with a crescendo to a cliffhanger), but the remaining part needed a bit more shaping and restructuring if it was to work as a proper chapter in its own right. so since posting chapter 10 i've been rewriting and reshaping what was the second half of chapter 10/now chapter 11 so that it works better on its own. i think it's much better for it, and also has given me more space and breathing room to add some new scenes and develop others.

the bad news is - after i've posted chapter 11 i'm probably not going to be able to guarantee an update for chapter 12 until january. i've been updating with long chapters pretty regularly once a month since march, and i don't want to hang onto chapter 11 arbitrarily when it's basically done/just to post it mid-december to stick to schedule. but this does mean i won't be sharing another chapter (chapter 12) in december, in all likelihood. this is mostly because i've got a big real life phd dissertation full draft deadline at the end of the year (still amusing to me that in both my job and in my hobby i am just scrabbling to put together overdue chapters i misguidedly promised people), so want to make sure i can make that deadline while still keeping the beasts train moving. it does also mean that in the timeline of the fic, we'll be at new year as actual new year happens, which is sort of satisfying to me in its own way. i hope this is a good enough deal - chapter 11 early (and it's a meaty one too) as a trade-off for having to wait a little bit longer for chapter 12? that's the plan in my mind at the moment, anyway.

thank you for asking anon & thank you for being all aboard the beasts train. can't wait to share chapter 11 with you very soon! 🫶

[natsbaby]

Actions speak louder than words

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: actions speaks louder than words and its the philosophy you’ve held close to heart until you met someone that might actually change your mind

Warning: a LIL bit of angst but its just the reader’s background story, f l u f f

A/N: i had the sudden motivation to write this so I hope you guys like this really short one! With my birthday coming up on the 28th, I have something fun prepared for the end of the month so stay tuned because ill release a story or two on that day lets see 👀👀👀

“Another failed tinder date?” Nat asks as you enter her bedroom, peaking over the book she’s reading with a quirk of an eyebrow. You sigh in defeat as you drop the heels you were previously wearing, walking over to her vanity to return the jewelry you borrowed.

“I’m destined to be alone, watch me” you tease, albeit sadly, as you place the earrings at the little box Nat has.

With your latest breakup a year or so ago, Nat thought it was time for you to move on and try dating again. Reluctantly, you agreed to try tinder mostly to boost your lack of confidence with flirting and such. Unexpectedly, it’s going absolutely wrong with the past 5 or so dates you’ve been on because they all ended in disasters.

She chuckles at your defeated tone, placing her bookmark and putting the book at her side table. She gets up as she helps you unzip the dress. “You poor baby, lost your dating game?”

You huff in response as you hold up the dress, thanking her as you walk to her closet to steal back your sweatshirt and shorts she borrowed months ago. “My dating game never existed, she was the one that led me throughout the entire thing”

Nat hums in response as you sit down on her bed, grabbing the hairbrush on her side table as she starts brushing out the knots in your hair. “Im sure you have something in you”

You give Nat the side eye making her laugh while patting your head gently. “Im serious Nat, nonexistent flirting game”

“Alright then, how about I teach you?” She starts as she finishes, putting the brush away and sits besides you. “Ive done a lot of that over my career and last I heard I can be a pretty good teacher, what do you say?”

You stare at her for a moment, not believing a word she’s saying. You know Nat would never lie to you, but the reluctance will always be there regardless. You both have been going back and forth for a while, it’s the nature of your friendship so it’s nothing unexpected as Nat proposes this opportunity for you. This could honestly end south so easily, but you can’t say no to your favorite redhead after all.

You sigh as you get up, crossing your arms as you look at Nat who’s trying to not look excited at the opportunity. “Okay fine, Have nothing to lose”

“Alright perfect! See you tomorrow at 3! It’s a date”

The next day comes and you’re sitting down by the kitchen island, eating a bowl of cereal while scrolling on your phone. You promised yourself to not feel anything like excitement on something that might not even happen, its what kept you and your heart at bay this entire time. You briefly glance at the clock in the room, noticing that Nat has 5 minutes until 3 pm.

“She has time” you mumble to yourself as you place the spoon down, grabbing the bowl and drinking the milk before getting up and placing everything in the sink to wash off. “She’s not gonna do it”

After placing everything away, the clock strikes at 3 pm and Nat’s nowhere in sight. You sigh sadly, knowing you’ve always been right up to this point. You grab your phone and walk out of the kitchen only to bump into someone with an oof.

Your eyes meet with Nat’s who’s smiling at you while you’re looking at her, completely shocked. “You ready?”

You couldn’t believe that Nat’s here right in front of you, owning up to her words. You blink in response as you quickly look at the time on your phone and not only is she here, but she’s actually on time. Disbelief isn’t even the proper word to truly describe what you’re feeling at this point, but you definitely couldn’t help the smile thats growing on your lips accompanying the slightest blush on your cheeks.

“You remembered?” You ask in disbelief as Nat looks at you with a confused look.

“Of course I remembered, why?” She asks softly as she cups your cheek softly, looking into your eyes to see distress and confusion which breaks her heart. “Oh darling, has anyone not remembered their plans with you before?”

You hesitate for a moment, not really expecting any of this as you were honestly ready to go back to bed or maybe train. You sigh softly before finally explaining.

“In all the relationships I’ve been on, regardless of it being a friendship or a romantic relationship, people tends to make plans with me then cancel at the last minute. At first it did hurt, I thought I did something wrong, but eventually I got used to it and it got so frequent that I expect it” you start as you fiddle with your thumbs, picking at the skin but Nat stops you by gently holding your hands. She looks at you with a soft smile on her lips and tenderness in her eyes, urging you to continue on making you smile. Your heart skips a beat a little, which is something you haven’t experienced with Nat before. “When you mentioned about hanging out today, I really didn’t believe you and that’s why I said yes. I’m sorry for doubting you Nat, I honestly didn’t expect for you to follow through”

Nat nods a little in understanding as she pulls you into a hug, pressing a kiss on top of your head affectionately. “I’m sorry that you haven’t been receiving the bare minimum, people should always come through with you or at least be respectful about it and let you known beforehand. It must have hurt huh?”

She asks as she pulls back slightly to see tears rolling down your cheeks, her heart breaking for you. She actually does know of this because you’d sometimes come to her during the times you’re supposed to meet with someone and she never questioned it, knowing you weren’t ready to talk about it yet. You sniff as you wipe your tears away, but Nat beats you to it and wipes it away with the pads of her thumbs.

“Oh my sweet baby” she cooes softly as she presses a soft kiss onto your forehead. “I’ll show you what’s like to receive the love you deserve. I know I said I’ll teach you how to flirt, but let’s watch a movie instead and hang out okay?”

You look at her with glassy eyes as you nod in response, pulling her into a hug as you nuzzle your face into her neck as she wraps her arms around you. “Thank you Natty”

“It’s the bare minimum sweetheart, I’ll always be here for you okay? Just believe in me”

[spiltscribbles]

Im so excited!!!! Here’s a little “It’s always been you. You and only you.” sprinkled in with Green-Eyed Epiphany

~Notes: OMFG bubby!!!! You are so beyond adorable! Thank you So SO much for the sweetness!! I really hope you like this XS and fingers crossed  this fits the promptXS <3 <3 <3

.-

Prompt Smash Game  |  Send Me A Prompt💜   |  A Reblog Is Like A Huge, Warm Hug!!!

.-

~R: my mom’s working the night shift at the clinic👀👀

~S: Kinky😏

~S: I can be there in 15

~R: make it 20 and get Chinese x

~S: sometimes I think ur j using me for the food

~R: and bring henny😈

.-

It’s seventeen minutes since Remus sent the last text when the front door of his modest ranch house begins to thump with a familiar wrapping that’s three quick knocks followed by two slower ones, and he has to wrestle down the eager grin from his face when he swings it open to find one of his closest friends standing at the threshold in that customary  weathered, leather jacket that he found two summers ago when Remus had taken him thrifting for the first time, and an impish sort of smirk that definitely would look ridiculous on anyone else, but only makes Sirius all the more maddeningly attractive. 

“What took so long?” Remus asks mildly, pulling him indoors by the sleeve and gesturing for him to set the goods on the kitchen counter once they cross the small foyer.

“You wound me, Lupin.” Sirius retorts, quick-silver eyes flashing before he pins him against the island and puts his hands on either side of his waistline with more gentleness than Remus would’ve expected before they began this whole sorted affair— Okay, maybe that’s the wrong word for it?

It’s not an affair, or tryst, or carrying on or whatever the fuck else Lily says when she’s teetering on the wrong edge of tipsy and thinks it’s her right to call Remus out on his bullshit— on his stupid, beyond obvious crush he’s been fostering for one of his closest friends since junior high.

It’s none of those things— It’s not nearly as dramatic.

It’s just— Just that yes, Remus has been harboring a tiny infatuation  for Sirius ever since that first day of the seventh grade  when he had moved to this tiny, coastal town after his parents divorce. But how could he have not? Sirius is hilarious, and a genius, and so gorgeous that sometimes it feels like his insides are twisting up whenever he glances over at him. And on that first day, he had just caught Remus’s eyes from across the library shelves before classes begun, and smiled in that uniquely electric way of his, and asked if Remus could put slime in a very specific locker, (Snape’s), for a very specific reason, (Because he kept following Lily around like a creep), on account to no one suspecting the new kid. And yeah— Remus was lost on him an embarrassing amount from then on. 

Sure, it can be regarded as kinda pathetic on Remus’s end— kindling this nest of emotions so close to the chest— but also it’s not as if he’s been lovestruck by his crush, like it’s some sort of waterlogged scarf he’s got dragging him down. His attraction towards Sirius is like a soft melody that’s swelling in the backdrop of all their interactions, nothing overwhelming— not a flood plane, not yet at least. It’s warm, and it’s familiar, and it’s persistent like a flutter of a humming bird’s wings.  And Remus doesn’t mind pining over someone as fantastical as Sirius Fucking Black.

Graciously, in some strike of incredible luck, Sirius never caught on to Remus’s silly feelings, not until that night when they were watching an old movie in Remus’s basement while James and Lily were celebrating an entire year together— save for all their sudden stops and just as speedy starts— and Peter was visiting his grandmother in Tampa Bay. It was the first time they had been alone together since Remus broke up with Caradoc for the final time, and Sirius just looked so fucking good in that casual, white v-neck and his skinny jeans that make him look like some echo of James Dean on his best day. And Remus isn’t sure who exactly moved forwards first, or how the fuck Meg Ryan wandering the Seattle streets was some sort of aphrodisiac, or why Sirius— who could have any guy he would ever want— was actually humoring him, but one second they’re lying down on the sofa— Remus caged between Sirius’s expanse and the cushions behind them— and the next he’s tasting PBR on Sirius’s lips, and has got a fist full of his dark hair, and is thrilling at the feeling of Sirius’s thigh between his legs. And yeah— it just happened like those sort of things are want to do, and by the end of it they were sticky and breathless and diffident in ways they never been around one another, in ways Remus reckons Sirius has never been around anyone.

But the next weekend, when Sirius’s latest sorta— but not really— boyfriend had canceled on their dinner plans, Sirius wandered over to Remus’s bedroom window and it was another tumbling of frenzied hands and loosen buckles and thrusting hips. And then it just became an easy release— a sort of poetry, an understanding in all but name.

And that’s fine. They don’t have to talk about it. Remus knows that Sirius isn’t the type to settle down with a partner, to go bowling for a date, or texting countless messages that amount to nothing at all at the end of the conversation, or putting up with another dude’s parents taking photos of them before leaving to prom or homecoming or whatever the fuck else. And Remus is sorta sick of the idea of love, of trying so hard only to end up heartbroken and eating a gallon of Chubby Bunny in his favorite sweats and cursing John Hughes for pretending Hollywood romances can happen to ordinary high schoolers. 

So yeah— This thing they’ve fallen into with each other is good. They’re friends— best friends— and they have fun and they’re apparently really fucking good in bed together, and Sirius never looks at Remus with pity when he spots him gazing at his profile absentmindedly, and he doesn’t mind when Remus traces invisible designs against his skin when they’re soaking in the after glow, and he never treats him  any different. Sirius still slings his arm around Remus’s shoulders when they walk down the halls, and he still buys him his favorite chocolates when he feels poorly, and he still faces Dorcas's disapproving wrath when he drags Remus out of the library to have a little mischief— whether it’s smoking a blunt in the abandoned skatepark in town or playing some stupid prank on those assholes in their year. 

For all intent and purposes, they still behave the same they’ve always acted around one another, but just with the miraculous addition of mind-blowing and dulcetly ductile sex.

This is good, this is fun, this is completely untethered from the bull shit of romance.

And if Remus mouths against the juncture of Sirius’s neck a little too intensely— trying to pry off the memory of the hickey Sirius had been sporting after spending the weekend with Gideon Prewett— Well no one has to be any the wiser, and by the sound of Sirius’s hitched breaths, he seems not to mind even slightly.

“Except my apology?” Remus asks, more coy than he ordinarily acts as he drops his arms around Sirius’s neck, and leans on the balls of his feet to whisper against his temple.

“Oh, you’re such a bastard,” Sirius retorts, labored as all get out, kneading his fingers into Remus’s ass that’s only covered by the thin layer of his plaid pajama bottoms. “You are going to have to do a lot more for me to forgive the lip.”

Remus laughs in a stammering sort of way as Sirius tugs him along, walking backwards to his room that he’s become incredibly intimate with since the first time they did this three months ago. 

“Sirius, the spring rolls— they’re gross if we have to heat them up again.”

“I’ll postmate us knew ones,” Sirius insists, covering Remus’s mouth with his own with fervor. “C’mon babe, do not tease me like this.”

Sirius must’ve caught his mistake, because he suddenly goes as red as Remus feels— The pet name was to close for comfort considering their strictly friends with benefits nature, but Remus is already half hard, and he really does not want to end this, so with a sly wink, he returns to nipping at Sirius’s jawline, rutting against him in a very unambiguous way. “Fine, if you really don’t think you’ll need the nourishment for your stamina?”

The words have their intended effect, and Sirius makes a small growl deep in his throat before practically tearing off Remus’s shirt, and dipping beneath the waistline of his pants, scooping him up and racing to the bed.

And they get lost in one another beneath the pale glow of Remus’s lamplight and the moon spilling through the window, relearning each others every patch of skin for minutes on end that wax and wane like the delta of ocean waves, unspooling into something tangible and tantalizing with every kiss punctuated with teeth that Sirius trails across Remus’s collarbone, and the way Remus palms greedy hands up and down Sirius’s back until he gets the hint and undresses.

“Well come on, you’re not an invalid, Lupin.” Sirius jeers and Remus chuckles as he follows suit until they’re both finally, blessedly nude. And with an easy assurance of them having done this more than a dozen times now, Remus crawls into his lap and kisses him straight on the mouth, preening how Sirius moans against him— canting up wantonly and grabbing at his hips with a sort of intensity that will probably leave bruises in the shape of the pads of his fingers, and Remus absolutely adores the idea of that, feels something hot and needy and desperate unfurl in his gut as he presses their mouths more forcefully together, going buzzed when he gets to relish in the sensation of their tongues running against one another, and the taste of the ridges on the roof of Sirius’s mouth, and the slide of the soft skin of his inner cheek— gasping when Sirius pulls away abruptly, panting an almost reverent, “Mother of God, Remus,” and tackles him flat on his back before they commence, with the addition of both their hard,  leaking cocks thrusting against one another and Sirius’s hand in Remus’s hair pulling that bit more forcefully while his other one roams the dips and planes of his side— skirting against the divots of his stomach muscle before he wraps it around the pair of them and begins to pull in earnest, to the rhythm that Remus swears was strung from the heavens above.

“Oh— Oh, yeah— Sirius,” Remus breathes out in a haggard sort of way, words that he refuses to ever call a mewl even if they’re stretched out and crackle with emotion.

“Yes—, just say that again,” Sirius practically demands, his mouth completely covering his ear in a wet, hot heat— his teeth scraping against the soft shell. “Remus, baby, just say my name, tell me you want it.”

And God, Remus is feeling so heady— like he’s floating and he couldn’t possibly come back down— that he probably would’ve listened to anything Sirius asked of him, especially if he does that thing again, when he squeezes the slick length of them with a tad more force than they usually play at. “Sirius, Sirius. Sirius, please, I’m close,” Remus shrills in an unsteady staccato— his normally smooth tenner going pitchy and pleading, and he can feel his toes curling, can feel the eminent release coming— What he does not expect is to feel something poking at his entrance, didn’t expect to be struck dumb by the sensation of the tip of Sirius’s large, dry finger poking right there, right against the fluttering hole, while he’s still pumping them in tandem, and the second it hooks inside Remus goes a startling sort of static , sees blasts of white blotching his vision and his head thrown back and his dick spirting out heavily against Sirius’s deliciously defined torso.

And he’s just breathing heavily now, during the come down, can barely make out anything  through the heavy weight around him, the one  cushioning his head— but he does graciously feel Sirius’s cock fucking into his own hand against Remus’s thigh and then idly the feeling of his come splattering him, but then after that he can just barely hear the distant padding of feed against floorboards, followed by a wet washcloth being dabbed against his skin. So when he finally forces himself to focus, he sees Sirius cleaning himself off, wrapping it into the pair of joggers Remus was wearing earlier and tosses it to the corner of the room. 

“Rude,” he scolds with no heat, shuffling closer to him when Sirius lies down besides him once more and circles an arm around his torso.

“THat’s what you get when you’re acting like a lazy fuck,” Sirius counters, smug as all get out while he threads a hand in Remus’s hair.

“Hmm, didn’t see that in the papers recently. Is it a new law?”

“Yeah, actually just past on the senate floor.”

“Interesting… Well considering that only one of us has a senator for a father, I really have to ask to see the power-point you shared with him to get this bill through the stalemate,” Remus’s head bounces against Sirius’s chest from the force of his laughter at the barb.

“Oh, stuff it, Lupin.”

Hiding his smile into Sirius’s skin, Remus does as told, and they both just lie there, as if everything’s gone suspended just for the pair of them, just so Remus can count out the beats of Sirius’s heart pulsing against his sternum, and can feel the way their legs tie into one another, and can feel Sirius mouthing against his temple, blowing his curls with every exhale. 

And Remus thinks that he’d do anything to remember this exact moment for every single day from here on out.

But then the quiet is abruptly and permanently punctured by the sound of his phone chirping, and he has to breathe in deeply before separating from the warmth of Sirius, and fishes down for the device that’s still crammed into the side of his bed from where he had hidden it after that initial text.

“Is Dearborn still on your ass to try again?” Sirius asks, a bit stilted.

Remus wonders if he’s just imagining the tension twisted in the question, but reasons that Sirius’s never been Caradoc’s biggest fan, so he just shrugs it off— really doesn’t want to get into some stupid argument about his asshole of an ex when he’s still feeling so content. “Nah, ’s James. Still trying to force me to go to the homecoming dance with you guys.”

“Oh,” Sirius retorts, lips pinched while watching Remus redress. “You should go, Marls is pregaming and you know she always gets the good shit.”

Remus shakes his head while puttering over to find a new pair of sweats and a sweater. “Nah, just not feeling it this year— Erm, you’re taking Gid I assume.” He’s not sure why he asks it, supposes he’s always a glutton for some pain and shitty feelings to inspire his playlists habit, but also maybe it’s him trying to sober himself. Trying to remember that despite this— despite everything they just did and  how easy it’s always been for them to fall into step with one another— Remus isn’t good enough to be seen with Sirius in the light of day. He’s probably not handsome enough or cool enough or something else that makes Sirius absolutely revolted from the thought. Probably that he’s beyond bookish, and looks painfully virginal and isn’t nearly as sly or snarky as his other conquests.

Truly, Remus should just be thankful that Sirius wants this at all, he shouldn’t be so crazed over the why nots of the situation— it’ll only kill him trying to be something he never could actually affect with any credence.

Schooling his features to something passably indifferent, Remus pivots to face him again, is startled when he finds Sirius still naked and staring at him with a burning sort of intensity in his storm cloud eyes. 

“He hasn’t said anything, but I guess he’s assuming as much,” he finally says, running a hand through his overgrown fringe, that familiar twitch of the corner of his mouth grabbing Remus’s attention. The one that tells him Sirius is actually irritated about something he’s not letting himself say out loud. 

“Erm, good? Gid’s a decent guy.” Remus mutters, head ducked once it gets to a point that he can’t stand Sirius looking at him like that— Not after how blissed out and ferocious he had been groping every inch of Remus only moments ago. “You guys are nice together.”

And it’s like the breath before the worst of storms when his words collapse between them, making the pregnant silence go suddenly suffocating.

“Right,” Sirius intones once Remus levels their gazes, hurriedly standing and collecting his own clothes, fracturing the moment completely. “Right. Whatever, yeah. I’ll go to the fucking dance with fucking Gideon Prewett. That’s good.”

“Sir—“

“No, it’s fine. You can just stay home, and mourn over that douchebag Dearborn some more, even though you ending it with that dick was the best decision you could’ve made, Remus, and I’m not even saying it just because I’m petty. He is a prick, and you need to finally get a clue how much better you deserve, damn it!”

Remus’s head feels like it’s swimming. Why is Sirius so angry all of a sudden? Does he not like Gideon? Why can’t he just cut it off like so many times before? And why the hell is he petty over Caradoc? The entire situation feels like someone’s just handed him a wedge of Swiss cheese and told him to knit it back together. 

“What is up your ass?” He decides is an appropriate enough question for his floundering, and shutters back only slightly at how fuming Sirius looks when he rounds on him— clothes disheveled and fearsome glower heavy on his face. 

“Whatever Remus, if you can’t see that Dearborn is bad news—“

“I’m not pining for Dearborn,” Remus interjects, really doesn’t feel like listening to one of Sirius’s ridiculous diatribes about him, not now. Not when he’s still so bewildered by everything else. “Why would you think that?”

The fire in Sirius’s eyes vanishes as quickly as someone blowing on a candle, and it’s his turn to gawk, gaping at Remus, shoulders dragged down and eyes wide. “Wait— You’re not?”

“No…. I haven’t even thought about him for weeks.”

“Oh.” Sirius looks contemplative for a moment, before the righteous anger that only he could ever wear with such conviction, melts over him once more. “All right, then what the fuck is this?”

Remus stiffens, feels his veins lace with ice, an his breath catch somewhere in his throat, really does not think he’s ready for this conversation. “This?” 

“Yes, Remus, this!” Sirius demands, sounding harsh in comparison to the barely croak Remus had spoken with. “Listen I don’t care if you want me to wait some more, if you need to lick your wounds or whatever. But why are you like pushing me on other people? Why do you want me not to be around? why do you  want me to go out with other dudes?”

Remus lies back on the chest of drawers now, feels beyond dazed. “What the hell are you talking about, Sirius?”

Sirius clenches his teeth right then, the hinge of his jaw going taught 

before he skulks closer, not letting Remus drop his gaze. “Is it me? Is it that you just can’t see me that way? Are you just stringing me along or something? Because I really didn’t think that was your style, but if it’s that, then Remus—“

“Stringing you along?” Remus asks in a voice barely above a whisper, just needs to feel his lips forming the absolutely risible words, even if it makes it so something dark passes across Sirius’s beauteous features.

“Remus, I swear to God! Stop repeating everything I’m fucking saying!”

“Then start making  some damn sense!” Remus snaps, suddenly heated as he straightens and pins him with a proper scowl. “What in holy hell are you going on about?”

“God! Do I have to spell it out!” Sirius barks, cutting the final step dividing them and grabbing for Remus’s shoulders with a tight squeeze. “I know you just wanted to fuck around with someone after Dearborn showed his extreme dickitude, and listen, I was so fucking ecstatic that you wanted me for it. But I can’t do this in-between shit anymore! I’m sorry, but I can’t! And I get if this is annoying, but I’ve been crazy for you for so long. And I just can’t keep myself at an arms length anymore, not now that we’ve really had each other, not after you let me actually touch and taste and fuck you and— Damn it, this isn’t coming out the way I wanted, all right! Damn it, maybe Evans was right and I should’ve made queue cards like some dumb ass— But then James pointed out how unromantic that was, and Marlene said—“

Gently, Remus puts his shaking fingers against Sirius’s lips, effectively killing off anything else he’s about to say. And slowly, everything is beginning to slot into place, and he’s so spiteful over how they’ve been such idiots this entire time— swears to put salt into Lily’s coffee next time he sees her. 

“I didn’t know you actually were into me Sirius.”

Stunned, Sirius’s dark brows hike up to his hairline. “How the hell didn’t you know?” He demands against Remus’s fingers, thunderous and insulted looking.

“Because you never fucking said as much!” Remus defends himself, feels a mangled sort of laughter squirming out. “God, we’re idiots.”

“We’re?” Sirius asks, hesitant and red faced before Remus moves his hand to peck softly against his mouth. 

“I’ve been half in love with you for years you absolute ass-wipe, it’s always been you! You and always you.” Remus tells him breathily, still fighting down the last remnants of his actual, god forsaken giggle— like he’s thirteen again and getting buzzed off his mom’s peach wine coolers. “I only never said anything because I never thought I’d have a chance with someone like you— Someone so— so— Someone so amazing.”

The smile Sirius favors him with right then is something absolutely incandescent, and his eyes shimmer with a very distinct sort of joy that Remus wonders if anyone besides him has ever witnessed. “Then you’re definitely the biggest idiot between us, Lupin.” Sirius declares, knocking their foreheads together, and lacing his hand into Remus’s own before squeezing meaningfully.

“Fuck off,” Remus snorts, presses forwards for another languorous kiss, not feeling in danger of being swallowed whole any more— finally letting himself drown and knowing that Sirius will be there to pull him back up no matter what. 

“Oh, I could get used to this,” Sirius smirks, snakes his arms around Remus’s waste that bit tighter.

“Hmm, there is the problem that I usually don’t put out until at least the third or fourth date,” Remus says mildly.

“Pff, ‘s fine, Lupin,” Sirius insists, grinning beatifically. “I like you being a hussy for me!— Oof, careful with the merchandize, you were speaking some real exaltations about that part of my anatomy not too long ago.”

Moving his knee from the point at hand, Remus sticks out his tongue at him. “See if you ever get any ever again, Sirius Black.”

When Sirius laughs, it sounds like the strike of lightening against unmarked land, and the honey cloaked side of a knife’s edge, and like everything splendid Remus has ever known. And he thinks that yes, he could get used to this right back.

.-

[marichat-verse]

Mist Memories

Leo Valdez x reader for his birthday ahhhh (even though it's angsty) with a platonic/developing jason x reader cameo at the end (lmao im sorry i couldn't help myself 😭)

Based on this picture I found in pinterest + also [kinda] based on traitor by olivia rodrigo and omg i really recommend u guys listen to this edit because it reminds me so much of this fic that's been stuck in my head for MONTHS also kind of a run away with me prologue lol

Your POV

I nervously made my way across the forest until I reached a limestone cliff. I knocked on the iron door, not really expecting to get an answer.

My boyfriend has been shutting himself in Bunker 9 for the past few weeks. I stood there counting up to seven before knocking again. I knocked again two more times, until he answered in the middle of my last knock.

He removed his goggles and winced as sunlight hit his eyes. He'd grown thinner and paler, making the dark circles in his eyes more pronounced.

"Oh, Leo..." I reached out to brush a few strands of hair away from his face, but he moved away.

"What are you doing here?" He said in a monotone voice.

I moved to walk inside the Bunker, brushing off his hesitation to let me in. "I'm your partner, remember? And I'm really concerned because you're shutting yourself out lately. You know everyone's starting to worry about you. Percy asked me to check on you because you missed pegasus riding with him. Oh, and I'm pretty sure Jason's coming back from Camp Jupiter soon. I was hoping you and Annabeth could be with Piper while Percy and I hung out with Jason because it's been a little awkward since their breakup. Plus Piper wanted to tell you something—"

"Please," he said forcefully causing me to stop and look at him. "Just... Get out."

Normally, he'd shut himself from the world for a few days to work on an important project or because he was feeling really sad and he needed space. But this was getting out of hand. He had never locked me out of his life when I offered to help him. He was never this mean when he asked for space. I was not having this attitude of his.

"Okay, Leo. I tried to play nice. What is so important that you blow off all your friends for nearly a month that you can't even tell your partner, or maybe say hi to your best friend who's coming back from the other side of the country?"

He didn't say anything. He pursed his lips and avoided eye contact. I scanned he room for any signs.

It was messier than usual with all the crumpled paper scattered on the floor, especially on his desk. He could have been drawing up new plans. Something in my gut told me that something wasn't right. There were no new unfinished projects, indicating that he wasn't starting a new invention. Harley's helicopter lay on his bench in the same state it was weeks ago. Huh, not even his siblings could enter the Bunker.

I turned and Leo was already changing Festus' oil. I took this moment of distraction to pick up a few pieces of crumpled paper on the floor and on his desk. I had to process the words a bit longer—too long that Leo took notice. Damn dyslexia.

I heard footsteps speed up behind me, but it was too late. I read enough and got the gist of what he had been trying to do these past few weeks.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He yelled at me. Small embers started to erupt between his curls.

I laughed dryly. "So this is what you've been up to?"

His fists tightened, further crumpling the paper in his hands. His eyes flashed with anger, despair and confusion.

I sighed and focused my eyes on his desk, not daring to look at him any longer. Under some pieces of paper were old photographs of him and Piper from Wilderness School. Yup, those definitely were the mist memories she had with Jason. I read the latest draft he'd been writing:

Dear Piper,

Remember the mist memories from boarding school with Jason? They were real, but they were with me.

I miss you. I miss when it was just us. I miss the night on the roof.

Yours truly,

Leo Valdez

I tried to keep my voice from cracking. "How long?"

I heard him sigh. "Three weeks."

I balled my fists. Tears started to fall and smudge the ink. I wiped them away as fast as they came.

"How?"

"In a dream," his tone softened now. "Hera came to me in a dream and told me to check an old drawer in Bunker 9. I found the photos and the memories came rushing back."

"How long were you dating back then?"

"Two weeks."

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

Silence; then a deep breath.

"No."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Why?"

"Because I knew you'd get upset like—"

"I meant why would you throw away months of our relationship for a couple of weeks of your relationship with her? And without even bothering to tell me? Gods damn it, Leo. We've been together since you've first arrived at camp. And what about those promises you made when we were sailing to Greece? You've been keeping these feelings away from me and you've been lying to me, making me believe that there's still something between us and—"

"Oh, calm down," he said with an annoyed expression and tone, which only infuriated me more, "it's not like I did anything were her yet! I didn't kiss her or tell her how I truly felt for her! She just got out of a relationship with Jason around the same time I had that dream. I had to figure out how to talk to her about it. I've been alone in this Bunker for three. Fucking. Weeks. I didn't cheat on you."

"Oh, and that makes everything better?" I countered. "Being in a relationship isn't about not cheating, Leo. It's about being honest and communicating with each other."

"Oh, like you've been communicating with me? After the war, you take go back to Manhattan for school, and you take a job. I haven't seen you much during the holidays because work has been keeping you in the city. And you won't tell me what you even do for a living!"

I took in a deep breath. "I told you I needed to have a life outside of camp! I needed to know first that I could handle myself in the mortal world as a normal human being. I needed this demigod part of my life to be separate as much as possible! I've been in two wars, Leo. I needed time to myself, too. And I was about to tell you guys in a few more days. But I guess now, I'm glad I've kept you out of that part of my life. At least I have an escape from all of this. And now, especially from you."

I took another deep breath and walked to the door, about to let myself out. I turned back again, both our tear-stained eyes meeting each other.

"If it makes you feel any better," I said softly, "I would've hated the idea of us breaking up. But if you really love her, if you really feel like you have this special connection to her and she makes you happy, then I won't get in your way. You could at least have had the decency to talk to me so we could have left on a good note."

He looked at me with wide eyes, clearly regretting his actions. I sighed and looked around the Bunker, possibly for the last time. Lots of memories were definitely created in this room; all just as grand and meaningful as the inventions they made here. But just like some of Hephaestus' contraptions, some of them were flawed and dumped in his scrapyard, no matter how much potential it could have had.

"Goodbye, Leo."

I sat on a rock on the beach that gave me a beautiful view of Long Island Sound. To my left, the sun started to set, casting an orange filter on everything. My heart broke, remembering how everything glowed orange in the Bunker. Leo always left the fires burning when he was working. The sunlight twinkling against the sea reminded me of how small bits of flame peaked through his hair earlier. I remembered how mad he was at me. Or maybe he was mostly mad at himself.

"Hey."

I jumped when someone sat—or rather, landed—beside me. I turned and smiled, seeing one of my good friends back at camp.

"Hey, you're back," I said weakly. "How long have you been here?"

He smiled at me, although he could maybe sense that something was wrong. "Half an hour, maybe? I saw Annabeth making plans to expand camp to have a city. She made me do an aerial inspection and I told her I'll get back to her tonight. That's when I saw you."

"Mhmm," I mumbled, not really knowing what to say. It was silent for a few minutes before I spoke up again, knowing he was just waiting for me to open up.

"I broke up with Leo."

His head quickly turned to me. I guess he wasn't expecting it to be that bad. "What?"

"Oh yeah," I laughed dryly. "Turns out the mist memories Piper had in Wilderness School with you? They were real. But not with you."

His eyes widened. "Oh... With Leo."

"He locked himself in the Bunker for weeks trying to write a letter. It was heartbreaking. Like, truly heartbreaking. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her and how much he missed them. Then he said how much he missed that night with her under the stars and... It hurt. Like hell."

"Oh," he said. "I guess Piper didn't tell me everything then."

"She knew all along?"

He shook his head. "Maybe not everything, but she told me she's been confused about her feelings lately and she'd been having visions or dreams of possible old memories that were messing with her head."

"I'm sorry about you and Piper," I said.

"Don't be," he said. "I understand her. It did hurt, though. But I think I can get over it some day. We're still awkward around each other, but at least we left on a good note."

I scoffed. "Leo couldn't even give me a good ending to our relationship."

"Hey," he said as he put a hand on my shoulder. "You're a great person, y/n. You've done so much, especially for him. It's his loss that he was stupid enough to let go of you."

"I know that."

"Do you really?"

"I do!" I said. "I'm a great person and I know that. But that doesn't mean what he did doesn't hurt me."

"I know," he said. "You'll find someone who'll treat you like the queen that you are. You're a great person, and I'm not just saying this to cheer you up. I truly think you're amazing."

I smiled at him. "Thanks, Jason. And you'll find someone great, too. Maybe not as great as me but, then again, who is?"

We both let out a laugh. The conch sounded in the distance, signaling dinner. I moved to stand up before hearing Jason speak up again.

"Hey, do you maybe want to just grab a couple of plates and eat out here?"

I smiled. "Yeah. That sounds good. I don't really want everyone else hounding me about the breakup right now."

I don't know how long it was going to take me to get over Leo. We really did gave something special. It was cruel how the universe gave me something so good, to make me have hope that something was finally going right, then have it yanked away from my arms just as suddenly as it came.

He never cheated on me, but that didn't mean he didn't betray every promise we made to each other. I should have known it was too good to be true. Life has always played cruel jokes on me.

Then again, who's to say that things won't turn out for the better, right?

•••

Tagging: @drvrslcense @bubblybubbubs @dreamerball @quteez @aesthetxcimagines @chasingpj @beingleft @wadewilsonsgreatestfriend

[ibroughtyoumybullets]

You said not to ask so please ignore this if you don't want to explain, but could you elaborate on your March 19th / May 1st theory? thanks!

ahfkafhksfh yeah no problem. its not a theory its just ... brain worms that have taken a specific shape but thats not new this is just the latest form. under a cut because i hate like. getting peoples hopes up over something ive entirely made up

greentext format but make it wordy

> i think frank has been like. suspicious lately. i dont know how to explain it beyond that. he’s done a LOT of press-but-not-press in the last month or so. sure, he’s definitely bored and stuck in his house like the rest of us, and he had a new EP come out, and the EP is technically the reason for the press. but it also ... isnt. like the bulk of it has been AFTER the EP came out, and none of it has been wholly focused on the EP. and to me, at least, it feels like, i dont know, easing the band back into public consciousness thru a press circuit without the band ACTUALLY doing a press circuit because MCR been pretty hard and fast about the ‘we dont need or want ur press’ when it comes to the reunion. 

> continuing off the last one, in the ... jim ward interview he did, i think? one of the more recent ones, at least - he got asked about his writing process and mentioned working with gerard in present tense. very very likely it meant nothing at all, but also like ... i dont trust him LOL part of me thinks it was on purpose. Im just suspicious of him after the broken clock thing. 

> not only did frank mention working with gerard in the present tense, for Months now, but especially during his recent mini press tour, frank has been really vague but consistent in talking about working with people on music remotely. id have to go looking for it and i dont feel like it, but it’s been something along the lines of ‘working with new people And people you know’. suspitcheous. 

> ONTO GERARD. Gerard like never uses social media. but then a couple days ago he pops up to mention franks EP (which is sweet) and makes sure to sign it so its like, obviously not something his social media manager wrote up for him. and in that post he mentions being down in the lab. and LORD KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS besides the fact that he’s working on something. but hey, its gerard, when isnt he. 

> But Gerard’s also doing that charity stream on the 2nd. and we havent seen gerard in MONTHS. since august, maybe? and he’s not just speaking, hes PERFORMING. besides the shrine show, the last time he performed was for the muppet charity thing with ray in 2016, and before that, it was the last hes alien leg in 2015. None of us even expected him to perform when it got announced - it had to be confirmed by the event organizers. and that just ... pings something in my brain, same as franks little press tour. It’s gerard emerging from his cave, Being A Musician, you know? 

> SPEAKING of the last time we saw gerard, he teased us back in the summer by mentioning that he has something he’s been working on thats not comic book related that he cant talk about. maybe its a fucking line of hot sauces or a tripp collaboration. 

> Or maybe its music. 

> this is where we depart from reality a little bit more: 

> this has been trotted out again and again on here as a talking point, and i dither between agreeing with it or not, but: MCR spent two years planning their return. they had a plan, for whatever the fuck was supposed to happen - even if all that was supposed to happen was the tour. 

> and their plan got pissed on, doused in gasoline, set on fire, extinguished, and thrown into the mouth of a lion. But They Had A Plan. And theyve been fucking radio silent except the hipdot collab, and before that, rescheduling shows. I ASSUME their almost-year of silence has been them, in part, reformulating their plan. Changing whatever it was going to be to fit the new timeline, or making a back up plan in case things get worse. 

> But the original plan had them all free - as far as we know - after november of 2020. so they wouldnt have had active MCR stuff happening for the national anthem comic book release, the electric century album + comic release, the you look like death tua comic release. But those things still happened, because they didnt require having to be in the real world where the plague is. 

> so, what the worms hinge on, is that whatever the New Plan Is, Whatever They Are Doing Now, it involves waiting until all their obligations and projects that SHOULDNT have interfered with MCR stuff - but had to the potential to because of covid - ended. 

> and thats now. thats the next couple weeks. you look like death just finished up, mikeys album and comic are out, and national anthem finishes up in like a week in a half. 

> and then theres nothing (that we know of) until the rescheduled shows happen, or *knocks thrice on wood* they have to reschedule again. 

> and this is where we really enter crazy town:

> so i was thinking about all of these things, and the imagery / themeing for the return (what little we got of it) and how a year ago everybody was pulling out the wheel of the year trying to figure out what they would do next, and when. 

> and March 20th (i know i said march 19th originally, i’ll get into that) is Ostara. 

> if youre not vaguely witchy, its basically a festival for the spring equinox. light and dark are in balance, yadda yadda yadda. and i could go into full on insane depth about the black and white aspects of the return, the witchiness of an offering + a summoning but i wont. it boils down to: its the closest festival to when all of MCR’s calendars are clear as far as we know, and its almost a year to date of when they had to reschedule the shows. 

> and March 19th is a Friday. which is new music release day. Ostara / the equinox are technically on saturday, but its at 5am on saturday morning so ... technicalities. 

> so the worms in my brain say new single on march 19th. or Something on march 19th. or 20th. one of those days. 

> and the worms in my brain also say MCR are a bunch of cruel little shits, and theyre gonna make us wait before they give us anything substantial. 

> so we move to May 1st. 

> May 1st is also known as May Day, also known as Beltane. (We’re back to the wheel of the year for this one) Its the halfway point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice. And its a Saturday. which is NOT new music release day - but hey, its close enough. 

> may day is also like, similar to halloween / samhain in that the veil is supposed to be thinner on those days, and i think theres a connection the imagery and over-all plan wise between coming back on halloween, and possibly doing something on mayday. i dont think they just came back on halloween as a birthday present to frank. 

> so second single on may day, or album? or announcement that theres gonna BE an album? maybe they wont give us a single on ostara but just tease us with something. i dont know. but i think theres something here. 

> im aware this was a lot of words and i basically gave you nothing, but i can only give you what the worms give to me. 

> sorry for being the way i am. hope this helped. 

[tipsylorie]

Dream Project Pt. 2 {title in progress}

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

A/N: Hello guys! Here is the second part of the story I have been working on. My friend @w-h-i-t-e-mochi had read this already and she commented that it might feel a bit dragging. So, Im sorry about that but I just tried to emphasise on how Jayceon Stone acts as her assistant. This is not yet proof read tho so, sorry again. But I came to realisation on how Lee Da Hee would make a great Liviana and to be paired with Lee Jun Ho as Jayceon. Therefore, if you want, they can be your character reference. 

Word Count: 2,300

Before Liviana got to her office, she was greeted by her employees with good mornings, and she greeted them all back with a smile and nod of acknowledgement. Once she arrived at her office, she was welcomed with the young man once again with a smile on his face. “Good morning Liv, I hope you had a goodnight sleep and your first schedule for today is supposedly with the Finance Department of the entertainment, but it seems like you should prioritise the meeting with your potential investor, Mr. Stone.”

Liv can’t help but chuckle with how blunt his assistant was as he immediately stated her schedule for today, so she just replies with, “Woah, what’s the rush Jer? Slowly. I agree on meeting with the investor first so maybe update them that after 45 minutes we are good to see each other at the Casa Royale Hotel. I just need to look through the contract again and see area for negotiation.”

Jayceon is a bit flustered with Liviana’s remark of him seems to be in a rush because this is the first time of him doing such job and he just copied what Dexter usually do as his assistant. So, his response went, “Sorry about that Liv. I just tried to be productive by not stalling any tasks that could’ve already been done. The contract is already sent to your email so just check that and I will call his assistant now. So please excuse me.” After saying the last line, Jayceon exited the office and sat on his desk just outside of it.

~30 minutes later~

“Would you like to come with me Jer?” Liv asked the young man as she exited her office.

“Sure, no problem. I already notified the Financial Department of the meeting being moved an hour later.” Jayceon replied with ease.

“Good job!” She said and high fived him. “Now let’s go.” She continued as she led the way to the parking lot where her driver and car awaits.

~At the Casa Royale Hotel~

“Over here Ms. Voss!” Dexter exclaimed as he waves Liv and Jayce to go to his direction. “Thank you for arranging this meeting Ms. Voss and please do have a seat.” Dexter said as he gestured to the seats vacant for the two and they sat as Dexter continues, “Unfortunately Mr. Stone won’t be able to be here as he is in a 1 week leave due to the transitioning of company rights. I hope that is okay as I am given the Power of Attorney as his proxy for today. He had trusted me that whatever agreements we will be having for today is as good to be his as well. So, no need to be concerned.”  He said the last line with a reassuring voice.

Liviana was taken back a little bit as she was expecting to meet the CEO himself, so she answers, “Oh, alright then. I can say by re-reading the contract before coming here is that it was really detailed and somehow stringent.” Liv’s remarks made the vibe feel tense as Jayceon starts to worry and his secretary noticed the faint change of his facial expression. Fortunately, the young woman who has no idea on what caused the sudden change of vibe smiles and continues to say, “But there is need to worry because I like it that way. It will help us keep things black and white and lessen misunderstandings so, I say we seal the deal right away!” She said the last line with enthusiasm and grabs a pen to sign the document. This made the young CEO relax his tense shoulders and gives a smile of recognition to his assistant that he is satisfied with how the meeting turned out.

The partnership was sealed with the final handshake between Liviana and Dexter. Then all of them bid their goodbyes with a last reminder from the older man that after a week, they will meet again to announce publicly about the merger. Liviana and Jayceon conclusively thanked Dexter and took their leave.

Once they arrived back the LV Entertainment building, Jayceon reminded Liviana of her meeting that will take place in 15 minutes.

“Thanks Jer, I will just grab the needed materials in my office. Oh, you can seat this one out because I don’t think I will need an assistant there. So, you can just grab an early lunch or Brunch if you still haven’t eaten your breakfast.” Liviana informed her assistant.

“But I can totally accompany you since it is my job, and maybe… I can give some inputs if you want.” Jayceon tried to reason because she can feel how Liv is being lenient towards him.

She can sense what her assistant is trying to do, and this made her smile, so she replies, “Do not worry Jer, I am not taking it easy towards you but I really don’t find the need to have you there. I can just message you when I need something or when there is something worth noting. But for now, you can just grab your lunch. Okay?”

Jayceon was satisfied with her reply, so he responded, “Sure Liv. Thanks. I will also just arrange the meetings for later to keep everything smooth sailing.”

This made Liviana say, “That would be amazing. Thank you.” She took her leave to proceed to the conference room.

**Jayceon’s Phone**

Message from Liviana: Check Break Even Analysis

Reply sent: Should I check it Liv, right now?

Liviana forgot to put her phone on mute so everyone in the room heard the chime of notification. This made her say, “Sorry guys, please continue.” Then she sent her assistant another message.

**Jayceon’s Phone**

Message from Liviana: No, I will just spam you of the things I need to do. So there’s no need for you to reply.

Reply sent: Oh, okay. Sorry.

Message from Liviana: I said, do not replyyy 😭

Message from Liviana: TLA each branch financial report last month in conjunction of the Entertainment

Message from Liviana: Bake some Choco Moist Cake for Julie

~After many messages later~

“Thank you so much everyone. We need to find solutions soon to add more income without jeopardising the operating expenses. So, I will be all open with suggestions in my email. Okay guys?” Liv informed her staff and all of them agreed then she ended the meeting.

~Back to her office~

“Why is there food on my table? I didn’t order anything.” Liv thought to herself when her secretary enters her office.

“I bought you some lunch in case you’re hungry. I am not sure what to but so I just bought sandwich and Iced Americano to play it safe. I hope it is fine.” Jayceon told her boss.

“It’s actually great! I totally forgot that I haven’t eaten my lunch yet. Thanks. This is actually my go-to food when I am having hard time to think what to eat. So really, thank you Jer.” Liviana told her secretary with genuinely.

Jayceon replies enthusiastically, “No problem, boss. Just doing my job!” He is about to leave then he suddenly remembers something, “May I ask something Liv?”

“Sure.” Live replied as she took a bite of her sandwich.

“With everything you sent me earlier, from the meeting’s notes to your friend’s cake, why did you still forget your own food?” Jayceon asked curiously.

“Yes, I think so. Are you planning on checking up the Academy’s different branches afterwards?” Jayceon asked his boss to confirm and inform that the schedule in the iPad seems incomplete.

It took a while for Liviana to think of an answer so she manages to say is, “Well, all I could think of once I get home is food, maybe that’s why.” She smiled to her assistant with face shows confusion with the lack of answer she replied so she just says, “It’s easier that way. Anyways, what’s next to our schedule?”

While Liviana is taking a sip of her Iced Americano, Jayceon enumerated the meetings that are lined up and this is followed by a question from Liv, “After all these meetings for today, does that end all of the Entertainment’s agendas for the week?”

“Yeah, why? Is there something wrong?” Liviana asked worriedly.

“It’s just that your ex-assistant seemed to forget to update the calendar since what I have now is relatively blank.” Jayceon stated as he looked through the tablet’s screen.

This made Liv ponder for a few minutes and came to a realisation, so she replies, “I believe it was purposely left that way since that is what I instructed her before she left. Hence, we can just leave it like that and have some sort of business trip tomorrow. I will message you the information once I got home because we need to go to the meeting now.”

Jayceon was relieved to know that there was no missing schedule, so he answered, “Sure, I’ll be right behind you Liv.”

After Liviana and Jayceon finished attending all the meetings for the day, she asked him to her office even though it was already passed his clock.

The young man took a seat adjacent to Liviana’s table and she remarks, “Hey, I think I will need your opinion about making the partnership with Stone Corp. public sooner instead of a week. Because I made some thinking the whole day and concluded that it would create traction for the Entertainment. I am not sure if you’ve already seen our latest financial reports that we are close to be in red – and barely breaking even.” Her face is contoured in full worries and anxiousness, she continues, “So I just want to know your opinion if I were to propose this to Mr. Stone, would it be alright or not?” She asked and nervously waiting for Jayceon’s reply.

“Honestly Liv, I don’t think you should rush this. Because one week is not a long time. The best advice I could give you is focus on the events that will happen, both in TLA and the Entertainment. Do not worry too much.” This response from Mr. Stone might come out quite manipulative but as Liv asked him with sincerity, this is the best answer he has based on his judgement with the overall situation.

The young woman took some time to weigh what her secretary just told her, and her reply goes, “Yes. Yeah, I think you’re right. I agree. Maybe let’s conclude for the day and meet tomorrow at the usual time here in the building to gather last minute things.” She informed her assistant, and both bid their goodbyes.

~At Liviana’s House~

“Let’s make the cake first and then eat dinner afterwards before checking all the reports for tomorrow’s trip.” Liv said as she tries to reason with herself.

Her closest friend Julie is having her 27th birthday tomorrow and she is currently supervising the branch of TLA where the Scholarship Audition Programme is going to be held, which is the Municipality of Paradigmia.  It is like the second main branch after the one in the City of Pneumarê. The main branch is the only one located in a city, however due to the development of the Tree of Life Academy the municipalities and provinces where other branches are located, it is becoming a progressive community which at a very near future can make them a city. If you are wondering on why the Final Audition is not going to take place in the city, well… It is because of how it was agreed upon on where annual inter-branch events will take place – and it is through spinning wheel where the names of the branches are written in random order. Therefore, she must make sure to visit Paradigmia at all costs tomorrow.

Going back to Liv’s closest friend, Julie Andews is also her longest friend who also supported her while she was busy integrating an Entertainment company to her family’s Academy. Ever since it was Anne who was more focused on handling the academics aspects, so it took quite a while for Julie to find a place where she truly suitable. Heck, she even attempted to do the financial aspect, but it took a toll on her. Then, one time strolling through the city’s academy branch, she saw the need to develop the extra-curricular activities not just for students who do it for grades but also those who wants to experience it. Especially when she realised that it would be vital for the integration of a Korean Entertainment Company. So, she drew up a proposal on how she plans to execute such developments and it was immediately approved by Liv. Liviana also doubled check it with her parents if such change would be okay and even though it took a week for them to agree, Julie was able to perform her plan without a hitch.

Okay, going back to the cake. After she baked the 3 layers of the heart-shaped cake for Julie she realised that she mixed a hell a lot of batter. So, she just took some of her leftover cupcake cups and make the rest of the red velvet mix into cupcakes. To Liv’s surprise she was still able to great 2 dozen of cupcakes, so she plans to give half of it to Anne as she also promised her a visit yesterday. Liviana successfully iced and decorated the cake and all the cupcakes after several hours, so she proceeds on putting it on her refrigerator to finally have her dinner.

Liviana freshen up before heading to her bed since it was a tedious work and cleaning earlier in the kitchen that made her sweat a lot. Before having her eyes closed, she remembers the reports she must re-evaluate this made her say, “For fuck’s sake.” After another 2 hours she finally got her sleep.

[End of Part 2]

[feverwritingandtextposts]

Misunderstanding (Giyuu X Reader)

Im back with a new kny fic... finally... This is for everyone who requested Giyuu!!! Sorry but I altered the request a bit, I hope you dont mind!

If you like my work, please support me on ko-fi!

As usual you can read it here on AO3 if you’d like! https://archiveofourown.org/works/24164389

You didn't like Tomioka Giyuu. He only speaks to nag at you, to point out your mistakes.

"Are you listening to me?" Tomioka asks, in that soft, velvet smooth voice of his. A long finger taps a point on the page sharply. "You’ve filled this report wrongly. Please redo it." Ice blue eyes bore into yours as he peers down his elegant nose at you.

You glance at the report you’d only just submitted in his hand. He was so nosy. It wasn't even his business to check your reports, he just started doing it out of the blue. He cited something about it being a senior teacher's job to review a new hire's work before it reaches the principal.

In your opinion, he takes it way too far. He even leans over your shoulder to point out things on your computer screen, icy blues flickering to you whenever he speaks, as if checking if you're truly listening. Give me some space!

Tomioka Giyuu only ever speaks about work. He never goes to lunch with anyone, never makes small talk, never misses a work submission. He never tones down his 'upstanding teacher' persona.

You have long wondered. Is he like that even on weekends? So cold, so restrained, so.. Tomioka Giyuu?

You see him once for yourself, on a Saturday run to a convenience store.

He's crouched near a gutter dressed in a ratty old tshirt that looks barely any more presentable than his tracksuit. He's wildly flailing a soggy piece of canned anchovy at an obviously disdainful tabby cat.

Perhaps its the need to annoy him, perhaps its just morbid curiosity, but you wander over.

"It doesn't seem to like you," you comment idly. He looks up, and his eyes are clear as the blue skies. He says nothing.

You crouch down beside him, beckoning over the stray cat.

"It does," Tomioka says, out of the blue. "I've fed it before."

You snorted, not quite believing him. You manage to pat a little of the cat's fur after scooting closer. The creature hisses, clearly offended.

It extends its small paw, ready to scratch and punish you for your hubris. Tomioka moves faster.

Catching your wrist he tugs you none too gently out of harms way. His hand is large and impossibly warm. His eyes are blue as ice.

"You'll get hurt," he says, like its a fact. Unintentionally you bristle, flushing in annoyance.

You pull your arm out of his grip, and without another word, you continue your walk to the store.

Cold blue eyes watch you go.

…

Tomioka Giyuu eats his lunches alone. But today, so do you. Your only other friends in the staff room were off campus for a course, leaving you to pick at your cafeteria ramen alone.

You look up at the gentle sound of someone moving into the seat in front of you. Tomioka gives you his signature flat look, as he sits, ramrod straight in the chair, looking all at once highly picturesque and incredibly uncomfortable.

Before you can ask him what he wants, he places his bento box on the table with a thump. "You're eating alone."

It's not a question. You assent to it anyway, telling him that the other teachers were busy. You trail off as you talk, uncertain if he's even listening. Tomioka Giyuu's silence never fails to make you feel like you talk too much.

As you shut yourself up awkwardly, he turns to you, eyes questioning. You squirm uncomfortably under his gaze, breaking eye contact to prod at your cooling noodles.

The silence drags on, punctuated by the soft sound of Tomioka unpacking his lunch. You had nearly brought a mouthful of noodles to your lips before a flash of yellow intruded its way into your vision. It was a bulging roll of egg, held delicately by worn wooden chopsticks, suspended inches from your face.

You meet Tomioka's unflinching gaze as he holds the egg up to you.

"Have some egg," he murmurs, like this was all completely normal. "It's good," he adds when you don't move.

Tentatively, you drop your noodles back into your bowl and take the egg, chopsticks clacking against his. You thank him, voice coming out soft and uncertain, but he nods resolutely at it and watches you intently as you lifted it to your lips.

He was right, it was good. You tell him as such and his lips quirk into a tiny approximation of a smile that leaves you strangely breathless with shock. Wholly oblivious to your reaction, he resumes eating his food in complete silence, and after a little more staring to confirm that he wasn't going to turn to you again, you go back to your own food.

The next time you speak to Tomioka Giyuu, its over his desk near the end of the day, as he reviews your work. You could feel the grimace, painting your face as you stood there, waiting for the inevitable scolding you were sure to get.

Tomioka shuffles the papers in his hand, peering at you over the top of them, eyes a stormy blue under the office's dingy fluorescent lights. Its an intense gaze, making you shiver.

"Well done," he says, still staring intently at you. "I can tell you've really improved."

You blink in shock at that, wondering if you've misheard him. At your lack of response, Kanroji Mitsuri manages to sidle in behind you, beaming.

"Isn't that wonderful, (Y/N)? You're getting the hang of the work now!" Kanroji smiles, smacking you reassuringly in the back with a bit too much force, pitching you forward.

You catch a glimpse of Tomioka's raised eyebrows before his hands are on your shoulders, steadying you, and your papers are scattered on the ground. You're deaf to Kanroji's frantic apologies as she bustles around you and Tomioka's feet, gathering up the papers.

Tomioka was too close. At this distance, there was nothing to distract you from the blue of his eyes, the regal incline of his nose, or his soft lips, parted slightly in concern.

You shook yourself out of your daze quickly, leaning back out of his grasp with a barely muttered thanks.

Glancing away, you accept the papers back from an apologetic Kanroji, unable to meet Tomioka's eyes again as you feel his stare bare into you.

"Are you okay?" Tomioka asks, softly.

Not looking back, and cursing your sudden bout of shyness, you nod quickly, giving him a hurried thanks for his concern. Quickly, you turn to shuffle back to your desk, lying to both of them about having to leave soon, just to escape the awkward vibe in the room.

…

The next day brings no respite from the strange turn your relationship with Tomioka Giyuu has gotten to. In fact, its only gotten stranger.

Tomioka had sat himself again in front of you at lunch, this time looking strangely pleased at the arrangement, even as you sent him obvious looks of confusion over this. Your discomfort with the situation went completely unnoticed by even the other teachers at the table. In fact, Kanroji and Kochou Kanae looked completely at ease with Tomioka's presence, as if he sat with you guys every single day of the week. As if he hadn't spent the last three months of your working there, eating all alone in the sanctity of his office desk so far.

Today he offers you an entire egg roll, pristine and looking absolutely delicious, which he hands over to you almost reverently, perching it atop your bowl of white rice. Tomioka ignores your look of confusion, accepting your thanks with dignified stride, blue eyes sparkling with an unreadable emotion.

Your own dry school cafeteria issued saba fish goes forgotten as you tuck into your surprising prize, eating with far too much gusto to fake disinterest in the gesture. Beside you, Kanroji and Kochou share a giggle at your expense, watching this unfold with glee. They turn down your offers to share, and that was enough to send you into a suspicious tilt. Kanroji never turns down food.

You look between them and Tomioka, trying to discern if there was something happening here that was escaping your notice. But Tomioka says nothing, tucking into his food at last, and neither do the girls, although they won’t stop giggling over it.

If it annoys you, you don’t say it. You’re too busy peeking over at Tomioka over the rim of your bowl, watching as he smiles contentedly into his salmon soup.

…

The train station was as busy as ever when you reach it, and you walked quickly along with the flow of people, careful to avoid any stray elbows as you went.

In your insistence to avoid bumping into anyone, you walked straight into a path of an energetic looking man, his clipboard blocking you from moving past him. Dressed in the gaudy red shirt of an insurance agent, you had a moment to realise your folly before the man started his spiel.

“Miss! How are you! May I have a moment of your time?” he asked, a forced, smarmy grin pulling at his face. You started, darting away to avoid eye contact and trying unsuccessfully to walk around him.

“Please,” he says, and there’s a hint of desperation under that cheery candour that makes you feel just as guilty as you are uncomfortable to hear his sales pitch. “It won’t take but a moment! I just want to tell you about our latest insurance plans, perfect for a working adult like yourself! Why don’t you come to our booth over there to hear more?”

His hand shoots out to grab your wrist in a vice like grip, preventing your further attempts to shy away.

You had never been good at telling people no, and this time was no different. You squirmed uncomfortably trying to find the politest way out of this situation, twisting your hand this way and that, unable to shake off the iron grip of the agent as he continued to talk, unperturbed.

All of a sudden, the man's unnervingly cheerful speech cut right off, as a heavy hand descended upon his shoulder with an audible thump.

From behind him, you could hear a chillingly curt voice speak out, low and dangerous. "I think she isn't interested in what you're selling. Let her go."

Peering past the agent's shoulder, you were met with the steely blues of the one and only Tomioka, his glare, usually so blank, pointed enough to cut glass. A thrill of emotion you can't quite place raced through you. Was it relief to see him come to your aid? Or was it admiration to see him stand up for someone like that? You've certainly never seen him look so... Authoritative.

It was kind of hot.

You tried to immediately banish that thought.

The agent faltered; his eyebrows raised in shock at Tomioka's sudden appearance. If you didn't know better, you'd think he looked scared.

"Leave her alone," Tomioka repeated, his hand squeezing down slightly on the agent's shoulder, causing him to squeak.

"Of course, of course!" the man blubbered, his smarmy grin sliding off to reveal a horrified, placating smile, "my mistake! You uh have a good day now miss, and uh sir!"

Noticing that he'd let your wrist go, Tomioka released the man from his grasp. He wasted no time in scampering off immediately, not even daring to look back at either of you.

You shuffled on the spot awkwardly, looking at your shoes before tentatively looking up to meet Tomioka's gaze. You were surprised to find that the harsh look in his eyes was gone. He looked at you gently, eyebrows just so slightly down turned, as if he was distressed.

"Are you okay?" he asked, voice low and gentle.

You nodded fervently, feeling more than a little silly all of a sudden. It felt like you keep running into him in the strangest situations recently. It was actually getting a bit embarrassing that he had to help you out so often. "Sorry, you're always having to help me out."

Tomioka's eyes widened inestimably. It was slight enough for a stranger not to notice, and you were surprised you did. You were shocked at how in tune you were getting to his emotions, as vastly difficult as they can be to discern.

"You don't have to apologise. It’s not your fault," he says, still looking a bit taken aback.

"Still," you mutter, wondering at the nagging feeling in your chest, and how much of that you can blame on Tomioka, and how much you can blame on yourself. "You help me at work, and now even outside of work, I just-" you stopped to take a breath.

When Tomioka sensed that you weren't about to continue, he hummed softly. "I don’t think I'm much help. But I don't mind it either way."

"I'm sorry," you repeated, and what you were apologising for, you didn't even know.

Tomioka bowed his head at you, concerned. "Its fine. I like helping you."

The words were so kind, and his gaze was so gentle that you felt your heart clench tightly. A foreign feeling swelled in your chest, and you were far too tired to make any sense of it.

"Why?" you asked, voice coming out strained and choked. Why was he always barging into your business? Why did he care? "Why would you care about me? I can't do anything right, you've said so yourself."

Tomioka's brow furrowed slightly and you hated how well you knew his face to tell. "When did I ever say that?"

"You think that," you shoot back without thinking. It was like a dam had burst in you, and all your bottled emotions and stress that had been stewing in you was leaking out. "You're always telling me that my work isn't good enough, that I'm not good enough. Every single time I hand anything to you, you have something to nit-pick! So, isn't that what you think? That- that I'm useless." you stutter, breaking his gaze to stare angrily at his shoes.

"That," Tomioka said sharply, "is not true."

At the sudden change in tone you glanced up, and was surprised to see his gaze dark, his blue eyes stormy, full lips set into a thin grim line. He looked angry.

Distantly you thought that you were seeing more emotion from him in these ten minutes than you've had from him all year.

"I was never trying to put you down," Tomioka says, and his voice is uncharacteristically loud and sharp, betraying his mood like never before. "I wanted to help you improve. And you always do. You are a tireless worker, and a dedicated teacher. You have so much potential that me, and everyone else can see."

You blink at him, struck completely dumb by his sudden tirade.

"Stop saying such negative things about yourself. It helps no one, much less yourself, to put yourself down like that. You work hard, and take criticism into stride. You never make the same mistake twice, and you're always improving. I-" he faltered, as if recollecting himself and remembering that he was in public. He pauses and you wait for him to continue, watching him with bated breath.

The next time he speaks, his voice is calm and soft as it always had been. "I've always admired that about you."

The people in the busy station rush around the two of you, leaving you both in a small cocoon of silence, the sort of surreal privacy one can only find in a crowd.

It takes you a moment to process his words, his praises and his emotions, as raw as you've ever seen it from him. Tomioka doesn't seem to mind, waiting patiently as you try to get your thoughts in order.

You couldn't remember why you'd ever think he was cold.

He appeared apathetic and uncaring, but with a sudden clarity you realised that with Tomioka, it was the little things that counted. The small acts of kindness and concern that he bestowed on you. What he avoided saying in words, he made up for in his actions, and in his careful observations, a kind of calm collected sweetness that before tonight, you may have never realised. You knew full well he wouldn't have minded even if you never did. He would just go on, being quietly kind, and being unjustly hated by you.

You felt like a complete jackass.

The realisation made your tumultuous emotions overflow, and with a choked cry, you could feel your eyes tearing up.

Tomioka gasped audibly at your tears, hands shooting forward as if to shield you from your own sadness. Wavering, he shoved them back into his coat, pulling out a packet of tissues. He held the tissues out, motioning as if to dab at your cheeks before changing his mind and instead holding them out to you desperately. You sniffed, rather amused by his frantic antics despite it all, accepting the wad of tissues gratefully.

"I'm..." Tomioka gaped, staring at you. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It's fine," you blubber, dabbing at your eyes and feeling simultaneously incredibly foolish and amused. "I'm not crying because of you."

"Oh," he murmurs, eyes never leaving yours. "Then, are you tired? Are you hurt anywhere?"

You shake your head, still unable to stop your sudden unreasonable bout of tears.

Tomioka tried again. "Do you want to sit down?"

You nod, and Tomioka gently gathers you in his arms, ushering you to a nearby bench. The other commuters take one look at your crying face and try to stay clear out of the way, providing the both of you with a wide enough berth to get to the bench unhindered.

You settle down beside Tomioka, and sit in silence while he gently pats your back, still looking very confused but not asking you any questions, for which you're grateful for.

"I'm sorry," you repeat, once your tears have blissfully made way for slight hiccups, allowing you to speak again.

"What for?"

"For not noticing sooner," you wave a hand around for emphasis.

Tomioka tilts his head, and you have to work hard not to smile at the cute gesture. "That we're in public?"

"What? No. I mean about how nice you always are to me."

"Oh," Tomioka says, his expression betraying nothing, although a slight blush that dusts his cheeks suggest otherwise. "It's nothing special."

"You even give me food on the regular."

"You... Looked a bit sad," murmured Tomioka, blue eyes swimming with sincerity. "Kanroji mentioned that food is the best way to cheer someone up."

You gave him a shaky smile. "She's right."

Tomioka smiles at you, stunning you immediately to silence. "I'm glad to hear that."

You couldn't help a blush of your own, and could feel it burning across your cheeks as you watched him smile serenely at you, his already unreasonably handsome face becoming near blinding.

Thinking to get out of that powerful gaze, and also maybe hoping to push your luck to its limits, you shift closer, wrapping your arms around him and tucking your face into his shoulder.

You feel him stiffen under your touch and you pause worriedly wondering if you should pull back. But in the next second you feel warm arms coming to rest around you pulling you in closer.

The blush on your face was well and truly threatening to burn your skin right off.

You feel soft lips press itself to the top of your head, lingering longer than necessary, and leaving your skin tingling in its wake. You part slightly and meet Tomioka's gaze straight on, at the joy dancing in his cerulean blue eyes and the curve of his full lips.

And for the first time in a while, you think that everything's going to be okay.

[calwasfound]

pls reveal your art process im begging you all of ur stuff is so good ashfjdjf

LOL i’m really glad u think so !! :DD my process is a bit everywhere tbh but i’ll do my best to explain :] ty for the ask anon!!

(more stuff under “keep reading”)

i usually start off my drawings as doodles in my notebooks during class!! they’re basically just framing + general pose design, no faces. 

here’s a general framing of a cogchamp smp piece i came up with a couple weeks ago (may start this in the near future)

here’s also the general framing for the first panel of my end poem dsmp comic!! if you squint you can barely recognize the silhouettes of the characters LOL

and here’s the sketch for my latest WIP, which will probably be done by the end of the month :] i’ll use this for the rest of my examples (spoiler warning! it’s of fruitberries and illumina)

after that, i usually paste the image into whatever drawing program i’m working with (for the past years, it’s been autodesk sketchbook). i draw over the sketch in a new layer and add more details i want (still keeping the sketch rough)

and next, i start my lineart!! this can either be the most fun or the most painful part of my art - sometimes i’m good with figuring out details and poses, and sometimes it just goes :thumbsdown:

and my drawing space will look a little bit like this. (i’m a bit lazy so i just save multiple different drawings in one file and merge the layers of one drawing together once i’m done. slightly unorthodox but when you’re on your, like, 50th+ mcyt drawing it saves up much more space in your computer!)

i don’t have any images of this process (all lost due to my layer merging LOL) but when the lineart is done, i make a separate copy of the lineart, move it underneath the OG lineart, turn it to the overlay setting, and then erase the top parts of the lineart that i want to be colors other than black. it’s how i get my multicolored lineart :]

and after that, well, just coloring!! i have some other tips on how i color in my #art tutorial tag, so if you want more info just check out those posts!!

after colors, i pick a repeating design to use as a background (with some bright colors, of course) and call it a day!

hope this helped, and if you want to talk to me about this more, feel free to DM me, i’m always down to talk!!

[megalony]

Serendipity- Part 3

Here is the latest part of my murderer! Ben Hardy series which I hope everyone is enjoying so far, feedback is always appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon​ @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh​

Series taglist: @onceuponadetectivedemigod​

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Series masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) is trying to keep moving on with her life after her affair with Joe’s brother, Ben who is in and out of prison. But Ben won’t let her go so easily even after the torment he imposes on her. He wants to be in their sons life but things aren’t easy when everyone believes Harvey is Joe’s son, not Ben’s.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're not leaving." Those three little words were spoken in such a calm, almost playful tone but the person who spoke them turned those words into a sinister demand that was going to be heard. The words were followed by an arm tightly securing around her waist to pin her back into his chest, ensnaring her into a trap she was unable to escape from.

"I have to go." (Y/n)'s voice was quiet and her eyes were closed tight because she knew the reponse she was going to get and she knew that her words weren't ringing true in her own ears, let alone his.

"No you don't, you're feeling guilty so you want to run back home to him and act like this never happened. You shouldn't be feeling guilty, you should be used to it by now."

Ben's words weren't intended to be cruel but almost everything he said seemed to come across as harsh or downright disgusting. He knew how (Y/n)'s anxiety was worsened by feeling guilty every time she was around Ben and deep down Ben knew he was the reason for most of her anxiety. But as bad as it was, he didn't feel guilty for making her so anxious, he played on that anxiety to get his own way because he had (Y/n) wrapped around his finger and he wasn't letting her go so easily.

When his words registered in (Y/n)'s ears she buried her face in the pillow and curled up until she felt like she was invisible to him.

She had done so well.

For three months (Y/n) had pushed Ben away from her, she had ignored his advances and done her best to keep him out of her life and then for the next four months he had been locked away in prison. (Y/n) had gone seven months without being trapped in Ben's arms or his whispers that pulled her back into his trap. In those seven months the worst that had happened was Ben stealing a kiss. He had been out of prison for three weeks and (Y/n) was laid in his bed cocooned in his arms at midnight.

It hurt to be here like this. It hurt so much when she had told herself for the four months that he was away that she didn't need him anymore and she didn't want to be under his spell. It had worked, (Y/n) had busied herself with Harvey and Joe and trying to make them feel like a family again.

But the moment Ben walked out of prison he made it his mission to ruin her self-control and make her dependant on him being in her life. Ben knew (Y/n) wasn't as happy with Joe as she used to be and he knew even though he messed her about, (Y/n) was happy with him so he played on that. He ruined everything but still managed to make (Y/n) feel like he was still a good part of her life. He twisted her mind and her body and thoughts until he was the only thing she could think of.

Now she had cheated on Joe yet again when she always promised herself it would never happen again. She was cheating on Joe with the same person she always did for the past four years and it was his little brother. She didn't deserve Joe and he didn't deserve anything of what she was putting him through but (Y/n) didn't know how to stop it.

"If you really wanted to leave you would have either gone by now or you wouldn't have come home with me in the first place. Harvey's with Lucy for the night and Joe's on a work trip, why do you want to leave?"

Ben moved his arm that was wrapped around (Y/n)'s waist and used it to turn her over until she was laid on her back and he could lean on his arm so he was able to look down at her. He knew that (Y/n) was only getting anxious and wanting to leave because she felt guilty for cheating on Joe after so long of trying to be faithful and not hurt him any more. But if (Y/n) was that anxious she wouldn't have let Ben bring her back to his home and she wouldn't have slept with him or she would have run off if she was that upset.

There was no reason for (Y/n) to leave, it was late into the night and she didn't have to go and look after Harvey because he was having a sleepover with Lucy. Nor did she have to go and give her excuses to Joe because they both knew he was away on a business trip for the next three days. Ben wanted (Y/n) to stay and deep down part of her knew she wanted to stay, her guilt was what was making this so hard for her.

"Because I don't want to keep hurting him Ben, why do you always do this? You wear me down and you don't stop until I give in, why can't you just find someone else?"

(Y/n) looked up at Ben as she spoke but she saw the way his eyes seemed to darken and his brows narrowed at her suggestion. He looked as if (Y/n) had just slapped him or said an ungodly thing to him when she hadn't. (Y/n) couldn't see why Ben was to determined to ruin her life and all that she had, he was always stuck on hurting and ruining her rather than anyone else. She thought that being with Joe and staying with Joe through the years would have hurt Ben and made him leave her alone but it didn't. If anything, Ben saw it as a challenge.

"Because I love you."

It wasn't the first time that Ben had said those three important words to (Y/n) but every time he spoke them it made (Y/n)'s heart constrict and her mind shutdown. Ben's idea and ways of love weren't normal and they weren't the kind of love that (Y/n) wanted, but she could never help herself around him.

"I clearly love you better than he does, or why would you always come back to me? Why don't you leave him already?"

"I come back because you don't let me go... Ben you make it so hard for me to love you and your idea of love isn't the same as everyone else's. If I leave Joe how do I know you won't break or leave me and I can't do that to Harvey. I'm trying to protect him from you-"

"No, you're not protecting him you're lying to him because it's easier for everyone but me. Joe's plain and simple and boring and he isn't enough for you so you always end up here with me like this, you can lie to yourself but not to me."

(Y/n) fell for Ben so quickly in the beginning, he made it so easy for her to fall under his trance and love him. But there were so many sides to Ben and seeing each one made it harder for (Y/n) to keep loving him. He could be sweet when he wanted but that was rare, when he wanted to get his way he was cruel and ruthless and hurtful and (Y/n) couldn't love him like that. But then he was enticing and dark and he was a bomb about to go off and it reeled (Y/n) back in. She loved many of the different sides that Ben had but when he was intentionally hurtful or cruel or when he frightened her she couldn't be with him like that.

Ben was controlling, he was frightening, he was different and uncontrollable and unpredictable and (Y/n) did love him and he was more when Joe was never enough. But Joe was better for (Y/n), he didn't break her or hurt her or scare her and wear her down and he was better for Harvey.

Just as (Y/n) closed her eyes, not wanting to continue this conversation any longer, her tired eyes opened again when Ben started to speak.

"That reminds me... I want to start seeing Harvey more."

The look in Ben's eyes and the way his lips curved into a small smile and his brow rose showed that he wasn't joking or messing (Y/n) about. He was being deadly serious in what he was saying and it made shivers crawl up and down (Y/n)'s spine like claws scratching at her spine and skin. Why was he suddenly asking this? He had never said this before. Ben had made a point on many occasions that he wanted to be in Harvey's life and that included blackmailing (Y/n) when she denied him what he wanted. But this seemed different.

"W-what?" The nervousness in (Y/n)'s voice was as clear as day and the way she stared at Ben fearfully showed him that he had her full attention.

Ben moved until he was sitting up leaning against the headboard as (Y/n) pushed herself to sit up and turned so she could look at Ben properly.

"I hardly see him, I get the odd hour here and there when Joe isn't around and that's not enough anymore. I want to be in his life, to see him and take him out. He likes going out with me." Ben had a very small point with what he was saying but it wasn't enough to make him win this argument alone. Ben didn't see Harvey very much but that was because Ben was in and out of prison and he was always up to something dodgy. (Y/n) was the only one who trusted that Ben wouldn't hurt Harvey and even then she didn't want him around their son. He wasn't a good influence and the more he saw Harvey the more liable he would be to want to tell him that he was his dad.

"Ben, if you're in his life he'll start wondering more and more why you always disappear for months at a time and wonder where you get the blood and bruises and scars from. Right now he idolises you and I want to keep it that way. And we both know the more you see him the more you'll want to ruin his life and tell him you're his dad."

Harvey didn't need to know or learn that Ben was a bad person who beat people up even when he wasn't in the boxing ring. Nor did he need to know that Ben wasn't away for work, but away in prison and he certainly didn't need his world turned upside down by knowing who his real dad was. It wouldn't be fair to him and (Y/n) wasn't going to allow that to happen.

"He'll eventually find out because my family will have no problem telling him what I'm like. I don't care if he knows, I just want to spend more time with my son. Do you trust me with him?"

"Ben I'm not letting you unsettle him and change everything just because you've decided you want to be a dad-"

"Do you trust me with him?"

"Yes. You have no problem screwing with my mind and hurting me but for some reason, you won't hurt him." (Y/n) sighed through her words that cut her to the core. Sometimes she felt so envious of how Harvey had worked his way into a part of Ben's heart that no one else could see or touch. Harvey could have a tantrum, he could hit or shout at Ben and Ben would never scare or hurt him. But (Y/n) didn't have to do anything wrong for Ben to react badly to or around her. She was the only one who knew and trusted that Ben would never hurt or scare Harvey.

"Then you'll let me see him more often."

"Ben no-"

"I'm not asking, I'm telling you. The last three years I've stood on the side lines because you asked me to. But Joe isn't what's best for Harvey, he's weak, he doesn't have a spine and you're not even happy with him anyway. I'm not missing out on seeing my son just because you want to pretend that you're a happy family when you're not."

Ben was fed up of standing on the side lines and watching Harvey grow up from a distance. He wanted to be in his son's life and he wanted to do that properly, he wanted to take Harvey out and spend time with him more than just the odd hour or two whenever he could get it. Ben knew no one but (Y/n) and Lucy would be okay with it but he didn't care what anyone thought, he wanted to be around his son.

Despite what (Y/n) thought, Ben wanted to be a dad to Harvey because he was his son and seeing Joe bring him up was killing Ben. He loved (Y/n) and he loved Harvey and he wanted everyone to know they were both his.

(Y/n) felt her shoulders falling and her head turned to the side but Ben was quick yo curl his fingers rather gently around her chin and turn her head back so she was looking at him. He kissed the tip of her jaw and trailed a few kisses down her chin before he pulled back just enough so that his lips were hovering over hers with just an inch of space between them.

"I'll make this very clear, baby. You let me see Harvey and be with him without anyone's supervision, or I'll tell Joe that he's mine and just how long you've been fucking me behind his back. And then I'll beat him up for his trouble and send him running back to you almost unrecognisable. How's that sound?"

That didn't sound good to (Y/n).

She knew Ben after all these years and she knew that he was the kind of person who was never satisfied. If he got to see Harvey more then he would just become agitated that he was now in Harvey's life but not as his father, just as his estranged uncle he was close to. Ben would get so wound up that he would end up telling Harvey or Joe or just everybody that Harvey was indeed his son. He wanted everything that he couldn't have and right now it was Harvey in his life, but later it would be that he wanted to be Harvey's father.

But what else could (Y/n) do?

Ben was going to ruin everything now or later, her only choice was to delay the inevitable for as long as she could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A shiver ran down to the base of (Y/n)'s spine when she heard the door suddenly chime and the sound of boot heels clicked against the white polished floor. It was seven in the evening, visiting time had ended hours ago, much to (Y/n)'s relief because when everyone started to come round and swan in and out of the room it got a bit much to handle. But everyone had gone home, no one would come back to see her now and (Y/n) wouldn't have thought anyone would have been allowed.

But the moment the door opened and (Y/n) saw who walked in, her blood ran cold and her lungs shrivelled up in her chest like popped balloons.

Who told him she was here?

Who had told Ben that (Y/n) was still in the hospital or that she was even here in the first place? How did he know what ward she was in or which room she was staying in? It wasn't as if he could have just guessed, he wouldn't risk randomly peeking into every room until he found her.

Maybe it was Lucy. Out of everyone, she was the one who had visited Ben the most and who had regular calls with him while he was in prison. Joe hardly spoke to Ben at all while he was away and even though his parents did speak to him often, it was Lucy who ended up telling him about any family or friends and updates in what they had been doing because no one else wanted to keep him informed.

(Y/n) knew he had gotten out of prison two days ago but no one had heard or seen him in two weeks. They didn't know where he was staying, what he was doing or planning to do and if he was going to get back in contact with any of them or not. He was like a ghost that had now made an unexpected appearance in (Y/n)'s hospital room out of the blue.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you?" His voice was quiet but it wasn't scratchy or cold or cruel, he sounded sweet and gentle and the look in his eyes was so unlike what it had been the last time (Y/n) had seen him. She didn't visit him after the first time when he flipped the table and looked like he had debated hurting her and she had three phone calls with him since then and that was it.

"Y-you're here... no one's heard from you in a few weeks." (Y/n) clasped her hands together but she had the sudden urge to move or shuffle away when Ben sat down on the edge of the bed next to her hip. When his hand rested very cautiously on her thigh (Y/n) shivered again but didn't dare move, she didn't know how to react.

It was as if Ben was trying his best to be careful around her in case he shattered her.

"I didn't want to talk to anyone else. Lucy said you've been ill so I thought I'd come see you and the little boy." The way Ben grazed his fingers over (Y/n)'s thigh made her heart speed up in her chest.

(Y/n) had given birth six days ago and the moment she held her baby boy in her arms an overwhelming urge to see Ben took over her. She wanted him to see their baby and hold him and smile at him but her better judgement took over. She couldn't have Ben near her baby in case he got defensive or ruthless like he did when she visited him in prison. This was her and Joe's little family and Ben couldn't ruin this.

"I um... I've decided to call him Harvey." (Y/n) could feel her heart beating in her chest like it was about to break free and drop down to her stomach. It weighed a ton in her chest until she wanted to lean over and relieve the pressure.

Her eyes followed Ben when he smiled at her rather sweetly rather than in a sinister way before he got up off the bed and moved towards Harvey who was resting a few feet away from the bed.

"Ben be careful... he's got a broken collar bone." (Y/n) bit down on her thumb when she watched Ben move like he was about to pick Harvey up before he suddenly turned round to look at her. His brows furrowed in confusion and (Y/n) saw a spark flare in his eyes as if he suddenly thought someone had hurt Harvey when he was less than a week old.

"Why, what happened?" Ben switched his eyes between (Y/n) and the little boy who looked like he was in between conscious and sleeping states. He looked peaceful and content, he didn't look like he was in any pain which was good. But when Ben looked a bit closer he realised the sleeve of Harvey's left arm was safety pinned to his chest to keep his arm in place, clearly so he didn't move or hurt his collar bone.

"The labour was hard and he got distressed, but the doctor said it should heal quick and he's on pain meds for it."

The midwife had reassured (Y/n) that this did happen a lot, some babies got stuck and distressed and broken bones or fractures happened. It hurt to think that it was her fault he had a broken bone the moment he was brought into the world but (Y/n) was relieved to know that it would heal quicker. Babies bones had cells that meant bones could heal at a quicker rate than adults so Harvey would be fine in a few weeks and he wasn't in any pain.

"I wanted to be there." Ben's words took (Y/n) by surprise but not as much as the way Ben was so gentle and slow with his movements as he slowly moved his hands under Harvey's small delicate frame and picked him up. He cradled the newborn in his hands before slowly and methodically moving him to rest in the crook of his elbow.

(Y/n) didn't have the heart to tell Ben to put him down or tell him to leave because she had never seen him like this before. He was never this considerate or caring or gentle like he was being right now and it was off-putting but intriguing at the same time.

If Ben had been released one week earlier- or even just four days earlier he could have been there when Harvey was born. He could have waited around until the nurses went to weigh him and he could have caught a glimpse of his son minutes after he was born. Ben wouldn't have caused a scene on the day of his son's birth. The last time he talked to (Y/n) on the phone she told him she was having a boy and it had been the only thing he could think about. He wanted to be there when his first child was born, he wanted to see (Y/n) and help and support her and tell her how much he loved her and how he never wanted to hurt her again.

He wanted to look after her and their boy and he wanted to be in their sons life. (Y/n) moved a shaking hand over to rest on Ben's shoulder when he sat back down on the side of the bed next to her with his eyes focused on the sleeping baby in his arms.

"I'm still pissed that you're pawning him off as Joe's boy when he's mine... but if you swear to me you're not gonna cut me off from seeing him, then I think I can deal with it." Ben's words were again quiet but almost content like they were sorting some kind of agreement out. He wasn't happy in the least that he couldn't tell people he had a son and he couldn't even tell his son that he was his father. But as long as he could see his boy grow up and he could talk to him and be around him then Ben might just be able to do this for (Y/n).

But his words sent sparks flying in her stomach out of nervousness. Ben had thrown a table, roughly handled (Y/n) and threatened her in prison when she told him she was bringing their son up as Joe's boy. He didn't seem like he would ever be okay with not being in his son's life as his father but now he was saying he might be okay with it.

(Y/n) leaned her head on Ben's shoulder and buried her face in his neck, she needed some sort of comfort right now and Ben was here. He was the one she wanted with her when Harvey was born, he was the one that she always ended up going back to and right now he was here so she would hold onto him and close her eyes for a while.

There was something going through Ben's mind, he was planning something and maybe he was going to use Harvey and his heritage as blackmail towards (Y/n) in the future. But right now he was here and he was being the kindest and gentlest he had ever been around her.

She didn't want to know what was going through his mind.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Phsychokinesis

You meet the League and butt heads with Clark.

Masterlist

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Panic attacks

Phsychokinesis 

You sat in the back of the batmobile for what felt like hours lost in your own thoughts, you regreted this already, why rock the boat now? you were fine, you were learning how to do this on your own, you didn't need anyone they'd get in the way Or hurt! Then they'd hate you, hunt you down, you wouldn't get away! Either that or they'd see you for the monster you was and just leave you somwhere this was a stupid idea, a silly childish hope of a fairytale ending of a home ,acceptance the hope of finding people who will understand, they wont, no one understands they can't. You panicked your breathing shallow, out! you had to get out slowly you looked around looking for the hinge that held the door infront of you closed it had flipped up like a trunk but in your panicked state you wouldnt be able to concentrate enough to send out your ripple instead you had to touch it you fumbled with the harness style seat belt cursing when your fingers couldn't grip finally useing your power the split the mechanism down the seam it must have sent a warning to him in the front as you heard his voice a few seconds later.

"Kid? Calm down Whats the matter?-" 

"NO! Let me out stop, I've changed my mind I can do it on my own!" You cried out leaning forward blindly running your hands over the top of the door sliding your palms hurried wanting to find the weak spot to tear at sniffling as tears began falling blurring your vision 'stupid your so stupid!' You thought repeating over and over scrabbling over the top you couldnt find it! He continued talking low and calm trying to ease you out of your panic attack.

"Hey kid its okay your scared its natural to be scared okay? But I promise whatever your think is going to happen isn't, none of us are going to let anything happen to you, just take some deep breaths for me in......then out.....again for me in ...... and out....." you closed your eyes doing as he said kneeling on the floor shivering from the aftermath of your break down as you felt the vehicle stop. You slumped resting your head on the door in front of you and spoke in a quiet voice

"I can't do it again" You held your breath when you got no reply had he listened? 

"Do what again?" You stayed silent he wouldn't have it and asked again in a different way

"What are you afraid of? Tell me so I can help, we just want to help"

"....I'm better off alone.." and there it was your words were loud and clear Bruce read between the lines the truth behind your fear and panic,abandonment, a kid who lost her parents and has been passed here there and everywhere thrown from home to home until finally you run away deciding you dont need anyone else he sighed.

"We wont leave you, not now your here weather you belive it or not the second you stepped into this car you were one of us and the others are eager to meet you" 

"And when I hurt one of you? It will happen it always does its why they get rid of me." You venom in your voice made his blood go cold, you sounded like one of the many nut jobs he put away behind bars, the ones that wanted to watch the city burn with everyone in it ,all he could do was hope he wasn't to late.

"The only one you could hurt is me and if I'm not mistaken we have been over that already and you said so yourself you caught it, was I angry? Did I shout and attack you? Or call for back up? I could have but did I?"

 You looked down fidgeting with your fingers a little feeling small he almost sounded like a parent and not in that hyped up I'm right and your wrong way you were used to it was more like trying to get you to understand him something you hadnt heard in a long time.

"Well? I expect an answer young lady"

"No, you didn't do none of those things"

"Right and you know why? It was an accident and accidents happen, besides one of us will always be there to watch out for you,everyone in this place is faster then you physically we are all stronger than you there is no need to worry, now lets go meet the team, We are already here." You sniffed a little wiping at your eyes.

"I suppose....I'm scared" He chuckled at that you sounded so tiny and vulnerable 

"No their not scary at all come on" you waited a few breaths then the door opened and he was in front of you he sighed quickly lifting you out palcing a comforting hand on your shoulder. You looked around this place was huge with various different vehicles air land and sea all in matte black spanning the length of the huge space.

"Holy shit..." he hummed in agreement 

"Immpressive huh?" You looked around some you recgonized from news footage in gotham.

"Yeah you have a lot of.....weird  things here" he shrugged just happy that your little break down had passed, he knew the others were watching through the security eager to meet you, but he wanted to make sure you were okay. He cleared his throat nodding to the elevator that would take you up into the main tower.

"This way we can go and meet the team then get you settled in for the night" you blinked at him

"What?" He crossed his arms standing tall

"Well it is nearly eleven pm and your only what fourteen? you shouldnt be up this time, what about school?"

"Im sixteen and I don't go to school I do online...when I can be bothered" he sighed walking to the elevator you trailed behind him as he sent it moving up.

"Fine, either way you can stay here tonight, there is a room ready for you" you nodded a little apprehensive finally the doors opened revealing a huge room with a large round table the others sat around it smileing at you batman pushed you forward when he saw you freeze a little the small nudge sent you walking forward into the room. Wonder woman was the first to approach you with a smile

"Hello Im Diana its nice to meet you we're glad you decided to come" she was beautiful ,polite and looked kind, you almost forgot how powerfull she was just by speakjng to her

"H-hi Im y/n its....nice to meet you too" you said quietly scanning the room still nervous looking for escapes just incase, the window, thick glass but doable not sure how far the free fall would be- your thoughts were interrupted by a gruff voice

"I wouldn't we're pretty high" you snapped your gaze up to Aquaman he was....unerving to say the least, he gave of a chill and slightly playfull attitude.

"What?" He smirked nodding to the window

"Your checking for escape I could see it in your eyes, hell sometimes I want to throw myself out the window to escape this lot but were pretty high, I mean wonder boy over there would catch you no doubt but still waste of a window dont ya think?" You smiled a little blushing tangling your hands in your hoodie.

"Itd be fixed before I was a quarter of the way down, its just a habit.Sorry" He smiled waving it off

"Nah your fine its smart you want a back up plan I'm Arthur by the way." You nodded still lookkng around everyone noted you didn't drift to far from Bruce which in a way was good he become a sort of saftey net it seemed. They all new what happened on the way here and downstairs. You were holding up well considering how terrified you were. They all drifted to the table taking their seats, when you didn't follow Bruce came up behind you taking your bag walking to the huge round glase table you followed behind him.

"Jesus what do you have in here? Thats way to heavy for you to be lugging around" he complaind as he set it down lettingnyou take a seat next to him.

"Books,clothes, my phone ,headphones and purse I take everything with me when I leave the homes, its easyier that way don't have to go hunting for it later" you shrugged everyone in the room frowned. It was Clark who began speaking

"So thats everything you own?" You nodded a little scared of him if you were honest you were scared of all of them.

"Pretty much, when it comes to foster homes in Gotham their not the best to put it bluntly us kids are money makers, the state pays them to take me in, when your younger theres more to it they put you somewhere nice with good poeple that care, you know try to make you a model citizen all that crap but teens no we get the shit ones given a bed and told to get on with it we are lost causes by this point just waiting to age out and be fucked off, I haven't been to my foster home in three weeks they haven't tried to get in touch or anything they dont care, occasionally they file a missing persons report and police find you and take you back but thats only cos of the inspections if I aint there when the do a spot check the money stops and they can be stricken off the register loose about $400 a month, but I prefer being out on my own" He frowned crossing his arms infront of his chest taking a deep breath leaning back, you fidgited a little under his intense gaze leaning to Bruce he didn't look happy at all and you weren't sure what you'd done but you felt like you'd irritated him, you cast a glance to Batman who was giving you a similar look making you gulp.

"So where have you been sleeping then for these three weeks?" you snapped your head back to the Man of steel.

".......with freinds and stuff....." he raised an eyebrow he didn't need to hear your pulse change to know you were lying it was clear from the way you spoke quiet and high but he would leave it for now.

"Well from now on you will be home by eight at the latest" you blinked you were expecting an argument or some dismissive 'oh it can't be that bad' but not a curfew... honestly you wasn't sure what to make of it and that made you angry, you wasn't used to people caring for you, your first instinct is to scare them away.

"err what? not being funny but I'm here to get my freaky power under control not to get a fucking life coach, had one he quit...like not just me he quit completely something about having the devil inside or something...Not sure if that was aimed at me tho...Probably...He was old as shit" you shut up when he tilted his head leaning back it was a very...Parental gesture you swear your dad did the same thing when he was alive.

"Well that was before I learned of your situation and the fact that your living on the streets at the moment." you growled at him any fear replaced with anger and a little panic he knew... he definitely knew you were lying the air rippled around you coming to life.

"Are you deaf? I've been staying with friends.... Not that its any of your fucking business" 

"Friends from your online classes you never do? now I don't see that somehow" you shook glaring at him 

"Fuck you!" he stood up not taking notice of the way your eyes glowed you panicked normally that was enough to make them back off he wasn't, standing you faltered not sure what to do you wanted to scare him off, make him back down but you didn't want to hurt him, you freaked out a little as he continued coming around towards you swearing trying to pull back your power not wanting to attack him but in the state you were in it was hard you couldn't grasp it you winced hearing the crackling of the floor beneath you fighting it as it tried to rise up toward him.

"Calm down. I know your lying I can hear it in your pulse now I know for a fact that you've been on the streets and I'm guessing its more because your frightened of hurting them rather than all this teenage 'better of alone' bravado your trying to play it off as. And as for having a life coach Instead of that you'll be getting a family"

"Shut up!" you were really panicking now he had managed to figure you out break past your walls quick and you wanted him to stop.

"...I know your a good kid and have had a rough ride having to grow up to soon now its time to be a kid again. So from now on you will have a safe place to stay each night sometimes that will be here other times it will be with one of us" he kept coming slowly towards you, you stepped back only everyone watch tense but not out of fear or trepidation just ready to dodge what ever you might do.

"I'm not going to be a fucking charity case- this was a bad idea Im leaving" you made to grab your bag  but it wasnt by you chair anymore you swore 

"Your not leaving and your not going to be a charity casenow calm yourself down" 

"What you can't force me to stay here!" You backed off now sending out your power feelkng for your bag wanting to get out of here fast, this was a stupid thing to do, trust people? You cant trust anyone.

"I will if I think thats whats best for you,you can't hurt me... You can't hurt any of us and that is probably scaring you isn't it? its been a long time since you wasn't the strongest person in the room, since you were able to be yourself with out having to have absolute control of every thought and movement... I know because I've been there myself when I was growing up and the shock and fear I had fighting Zod and Batman it was frightening realizing that I could be hurt, its terrifying having something you don't understand or control and you think no one will understand, thats the same for each of us at some point we realized we are not like everyone else and we were alone wanting help someone to turn to thats why we are going to help you, so you can have some form of normality" you gave him a side glance shaking he understood? you thought he must of had it worse you couldn't imagine having to deal with his abilities. 

"Normal? Thats not an option for me, people can't even touch me" you cried out as he sped towards you tuggeding you forward to him making you jump everything happed so fast you couldn't catch it you closed your eyes tight shaking like a leaf knowing that you'd just attacked him unintentionally probably killed him you whined waiting for the inevitable attacks from the others instead the hug tightened he chuckled 

"Look its okay"slowly you opened your eyes looking down the small spikes had snapped as they touched him instead of impaling him you gasped stepping back.

"They didn't?" he smiled shaking his head.

"No they cant...I told you, you cant hurt us" you smiled a little sniffling as tears escaped you felt silly but happy relieved you might be able stay here... you could be here with them with out worrying about loosing control they can handle it.

"I-I dont have to run?" he smiled pulling you back against him

"No you dont have to run...I'm sorry I had to make you attack me it was the only way to make you see you can't hurt me and its the same with Victor, Arthur and Diana Barry is to fast and Bruce well he will think of somthing he usually does, here you can be yourself and relax a little be a kid again and yes that means rules and curfews" you smiled nervously as he retreated a little he was sad you hadnt returned the hug he could tell you were touch straved and you probably didn't even know it.

"I-I cant stay what about the social workers-"

"Hey what did he just say? you be the kid we will deal with all that." it was Diana who had interrupted as supes made his way back to his seat faster then you could register pulling back looking at the floor correcting it as you sat back down.

".... was a dick move tho supes"

"Clark call me Clark, no need for our other names here we're family" you nodded a little it sounded strange when he said it. 

"and I would appreciate it if you watched your mouth its not lady like" you snorted 

"The only lady like thing on me is my v-jay" you deadpanned Arthur roared up at that as Clark rolled his eyes next to introduce themselves was a man who didn't look much older than you.

"Hi I'm Barry, its great to have someone not old here now, they look fun but they are all boring" you laughed at to chorus of grunts and scoffs.

"Well I can't promise I'll be much fun.." he shook his head

"Seriously? I cant wait to see you in action properly, its one thing to see it on screen but honestly, I wanna see you do the glass thing how does that work anyway? Like how do you do what you do?" You leaned back into your chair.

"Err its kind of weird.... its like ripples?" he tilted his head

"Ripples?" You nodded nervous knowing everyone was listening.

"Yeah o-or waves, Im always sending them out  and I can feel everything they feel.... so sitting here I can feel the wall over there.....its close so I can make better sense of it and have better control I can move it like clay.... then to fix the things I break I just zip them up....I can show you if you like? and its okay?"you looked around the room everyone nodded a gruff

"Just be careful" came from behind you, within seconds your eyes glowed bright and the huge table shattered into hundreds of thousands of tiny pieces across everyone they stayed still holding there breath.

"did you hit it? To make it do that?" Arthur asked wanting to understand how it works.

"No I pulled it from all sides ,It feels like pulling apart a huge jigsaw when I do that.....tugging I can stretch it two but that makes it weaker I just make it thinner and larger when I do that.....then I just think of the pieces edges being a zipper that fits back together. Its ends up being so tiny you can't see it" You did as you said pressing them together slowly but surly the table mended itself creating three thirds then used the floor to push them up until it mended from the center out becoming crystal clear glass again.

"OH GOD THAT WAS SO COOL! Can you fix my phone screen its been annoying me for weeks?" You nodded as he produce the phone and you quicky fixed it for him he stared at it in awe running his fingner over wheee the cracks were

"Thats so cool...And usefull"

"Phsychokinesis" you turned slowly to the final man.....cyborg 

"Phsychowhatsit?" He chuckled at you

"Thats your gift its called phsychokinesis like telekinesis but instead of moving things without touching them you can manipulate physical things, their forms, but my geuss is for some reason you can pinpoint actual molecules instead of clumps of them together" you tilted your head at him you it had a proper name.

"Yeah thats right I can't make things float, only move and change em and I can't do it on anything living no plants or animals." He nodded 

"Im victor, the one who found you, I've seen you do some incredible things.....Are you aware of everything that you do or does a lot of things just happen?" You shrugged

"Most just happen, the table I did but.....when people make me jump I try to attack them" you cast a guilty glance at batman behind you he waved you off.

"I dont mean to and if I trip or fall the ground softens ,if i fall really high it rises to catch me...water to I can't go onnthe diving board it gets weird...I don't do any of that either just happens....but I catch them most of the time before things go to bad"

"Self preservation, you said you send out these....Ripples all the time? You cant pull them back?"

"No I tried once it really hurt it was like....It felt like someong ripping my skin off, of burning my nerves i passed out in under a mineut....my fault tho" Arthur sat up leaning over the table

"Whats your fault?" You smiled sadly

"I- after I killed my parents I put it away it was an accident but it was me who did it.....Stopped useing it completly I'd suppressed it then about a year ago.... yeah I had to use it to save my freinds on a school trip... I tried to sheild them protect them, but the oil tanker was huge! I couldnt hold it for long and as much as I wanted to I just couldnt push it back to the water and......my gift it was much stronger then I remembered it hurt.....couldn't hold it... since then I can't put it back" 

"So you've always had it? Then surpressed it for years and then it blew up and now you can't control it?  I think it reacts to protect you, when you fall you don't want to hit the ground and be hurt so it moves to accommodate you instead your power is trying to protect you." 

"That....makes a lot of sense.... shit word tho my names gonna be fucking lame...." Barry laughed.

"eh we can thing of somthing.... well I can they all added man and woman to something" you giggled a little Diana got up smileing at you

"Y/n its late we should probably get you to bed" you blinked at her then got up slowly. Everyone said their good nights as you left the room looking around wearly

"Dont worry, nothing will happen here" she said moving closer slowly hooking an arm across your shoulder you tensed but it only flicked across the floor, like a stepping into a puddle of sand then levled again you relaxed again.

"See? Like Clark said we are family here so just think of us as your aunt and uncles we will protect you...now this is your room you can decorate it soon and there is a small ensuite to, all of us have rooms here homes away from home and soon you will probably be coming with us to our other homes aswell but for now you will stay here training for a while while we sort out the legal side of things. Im across the hall Clark is next door and Bruce two doors down"

"Bruce?" She rolled her eyes a little snorting

"Batman, he always finds a way to hide his own name paranoid bat" you sighed frowning

"ho-how are you going to sort out the social worker thing? I know you said not to worry but I wont be able to sleep..." she smiled patting your shoulder sitting on the bed with you.

"Adoption and as much as I would love to adopt you from what just happend I'm pretty sure Clark isn't going to let anyone else do it"

"Sounds like you knew my situation befor I got here, you can't just adopt me tho thats like a lot of home checks and and you have to pay a lot of money thats not fair-"

"We did know...Bruce has adopted his fair share already and will be pulling a few strings for us tho as I said I'm pretty sure Clark has decided already you need a more quiet stable home, as lovely as Bruces children are they are boisterous and human which can put you on edge which isn't what we want. Clark has one kryptonian son who is older than you and would be well equipped to help you over come any hiccups.Now just relax, go have a shower brush your teeth and get some sleep?" you looked at her wide eyed adopted...By Superman....and having a brother who you also cant hurt.

"Im not tired-" she tilted her head raising a brow at you

"You need sleep your a growing girl, I expect you in bed in half an hour I will know if your not and if your not I'm sending in Clark" you nodded in a way it was nice having someone who cared.

"Good night I will see you in the morning" she said closing the door. You looked across the room it was nice a large twin bed, your bag had been placed on it somehow, a desk tv on the wall built in wardrobe and a door in the corner what you assumed lead to the ensuite. after a few moments you got up using the shower and brushing your teeth before changing and crawling into bed, tonight was strange but it was nice to have somewhere safe to sleep and you was happy you couldnt hurt superman. you fell into a deep sleep fairly easily to warn out not to vaguly aware of someone pokeing their head in the room to check on you.

[artificialqueens]

Stupid For You, Chapter 9 (Crygi, Jankie) - Metaluna

Chapter summary: After the day from Hell, Crystal and Gigi have an important conversation.

Being a happy person is something that Crystal prided herself in. No matter what, she always tried to have a positive outlook on life, even when Ryan was bad to her, or when her parents weren’t around. She could always look on the bright side of life.

That was until she and Gigi fought. She’d never felt such negativity in her eighteen years. Just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, Brita’s party happened, which led to Vomitgate. Vomitgate was singlehandedly the worst thing that had ever happened to her social life. Now, she couldn’t go to work without someone whispering about her in the breakroom. Everywhere she went, someone was there to make her feel embarrassed, usually people she didn’t even know.

While she sat in the breakroom, she saw a girl that Gigi worked with, whose name she thought to be Dahlia, whispering to some girl Crystal didn’t recognize. The moment Crystal looked in their direction, the other girl shushed Dahlia and they both laughed.

Finally she had enough.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Crystal demanded.

“Excuse me?” the girl asked coolly.

“I know you and everyone else in this fucking park is talking shit about me.”

Dahlia rolled her eyes. “We’ve got good reason to.”

“Are you kidding? You can’t tell me you haven’t been messy at some point. In fact, I’ve heard stories. I know you’re messy.”

Dahlia sat dumbfounded as Crystal turned her back.

“Hey, girl,” Heidi said as she sat across from Crystal.

Crystal grunted in acknowledgement.

“Don’t pay attention to them.”

“What’s wrong with them?” Crystal whined.

“I don’t know. I know for a fact Miss Dahlia over there definitely got sick at my party and completely missed the toilet,” Heidi said staring at Dahlia, making sure she’d heard every word.

As Crystal lay her head on the table, groaning dramatically, she felt her phone buzz.

Gigi.

Heidi saw the shock on Crystal’s face. “It’s not your boyfriend, is it?”

She shook her head. “Gigi.”

Raising an eyebrow, Heidi said, “Oh, shit. What’s it say?”

Crystal read the text aloud to Heidi.

Hey. I know youve been going through it, and that really sucks. Id like to talk things through if youre down

Crystal’s thumbs couldn’t move fast enough.

oh my god its so good to hear from you. yea things have been Awful… i definitely wanna talk when are you free??

“She wants to talk about things,” Crystal said to Heidi, as she feverishly tapped her fingers on the table anxiously awaiting Gigi’s response.

Okay awesome! Im soft closing tonight, so Im off at 8. Games is off at 8 at the latest right? Meet me at the ferris wheel.

“Wait, why does she want to meet at the Ferris wheel?” Crystal asked, looking up from her phone to Heidi.

“The grand tradition,” Heidi said dramatically. “Anytime there’s any grief with two people at the Isle, you take a ride on the Ferris wheel to talk it out. Mainly because the two of you are stuck together, so you either sit awkwardly or talk through your shit.”

“That’s… weird. Okay.”

Crystal quickly typed up a response..

ill be there!!!!

Crystal felt relieved. Things were finally turning around. Or so she’d hoped.

Later on, Crystal’s shift at the ring toss game was interrupted by a middle-aged mother’s tirade at not winning a single time. “Can’t I just buy the prize?”

Normally Crystal was sympathetic, but considering it was the third time that day and she was already having a terrible day, her responses were short, much like her temper. “No. You have to win the game.”

“You’re ruining my little Lucy’s day!” the woman motioned to her little devil spawn.

“Sorry,” Crystal mumbled.

“I know you probably don’t give a fuck and probably don’t even want to be here, but you’re literally ruining our vacation! We paid good money to be here and now I can’t even win this fucking game? Are you serious?”

Crystal shrugged as she accidentally let out the yawn she was holding in.

“Young lady, you are being extremely rude!”

“I can call my supervisor if you want,” Crystal offered, taking the radio off her belt.

“No. I’m going straight to guest relations.”

“It’s to your left as you leave the park.”

Just as the woman turned to leave, the woman turned around and spat in Crystal’s face. At first, Crystal was in such a state of shock she didn’t realize what happened. By the time she processed it, she let out a scream.

Thankfully, Widow stopped the woman from leaving as Ben called Brooke who came out to handle the situation almost instantly. Before long, there were two security guards who came to escort the angry woman and her child out of the park.

Just as on her first day, Brooke comforted Crystal. “Are you okay, honey?”

Hot tears ran down Crystal’s face as she shook her head. “No.”

“Let’s get you out of here.”

Brooke led Crystal back into the money room. As Brooke gave Crystal a bottle of water, the floodgates opened. Every single negative emotion Crystal had been feeling the past couple of months rose to the surface. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried this hard.

“Let it out, honey,” Brooke rubbed Crystal’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Crystal apologized. “I’m sorry you’re stuck taking care of me again.”

Brooke smiled compassionately. “I like taking care of you all. It’s kind of why I do this.”

Crystal wiped her eyes. “Really?”

She nodded and hesitated before she continued. “I feel like there’s something else going on. Being spat on is disgusting, but I feel like just from what I’ve seen with you interacting with guests and just in general, you aren’t yourself right now, are you?”

This only made Crystal cry harder.

“Deep breaths. Talk to me.”

Once she caught her breath, Crystal told Brooke everything. Starting from her fight with Gigi, ending with Vomitgate, she put everything on the table.

“Vomit…gate?” Brooke questioned. “Okay. Well. That’s terrible. I’m sorry your peers are being so immature. I can try to say someth–”

“No!” Crystal shouted. “Sorry… I mean… that’s not necessary.”

“Don’t worry about it. Also, Crystal, every season I feel like there’s a new host who just has the worst luck with guests, and it’s always the gentlest souls, too. I’m sorry to say that it’s you this season.”

“Oh fucking great,” Crystal muttered. “Sorry.”

“I don’t fucking care if you swear,” Brooke said laughing. “But, because that woman did spit on you, which is considered as an act of violence. So, I’m going to need to take you to HR and you’re going to have to file a report.”

Brooke immediately saw the panic on Crystal’s face.

“You aren’t in trouble, not by any means, Crystal. It’s just to make sure that this is on record. Do you want to press charges?”

Immediately, Crystal shook her head. “No. That’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

Crystal nodded.

Once Crystal managed to stop crying, Brooke grabbed a Kleenex to fix Crystal’s makeup, and led them to the HR building. Crystal hadn’t been to the HR building since orientation on her first day.

Brooke led her into the room where park orientation was held. Instead of there being rows of chairs, there was a table with two office chairs on either side. A woman who looked like she shopped exclusively in the clearance section of TJ Maxx with a tall stack of papers in front of her was sitting on one side.

“Do you want me to stay?” Brooke offered.

“Yes, please,” Crystal whispered as she sat across from the woman.

“You must be Crystal,” the woman began. “I’m Monique. Please, sit.”

Crystal pursed her lips and didn’t say anything. Brooke, who was sitting next to her rubbed her back in reassurance. “Yes.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened today?”

No. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay. Start from the beginning. I’m just going to write what you say, okay?”

Crystal nodded. “So… I was at the game–”

“Which game?” Monique interrupted. “Sorry. You have to be as thorough as possible.”

“It’s okay. I was at the ring toss game today at like 2:30. This woman and her kid come up to play, and they lose, and she gets pi–…. Mad at me and starts yelling at me like the guests normally do. Maybe I could have been a little bit warmer with my responses… Whatever. Anyway. I asked if she wanted to talk to Brooke, and she said no, she’s going to HR. I told them where it was, since it’s kind of hidden, you know? I think she thought I was being cocky or something. Next thing I know, she spits in my face.”

“What do you mean, could have been warmer in your responses?”

Crystal sighed. “I don’t know. I was nice to her like I always am. But usually I listen more? I don’t know.”

“Did you say anything with malicious intent?”

“ What? No! I just… kind of wasn’t super into my responses.”

“What do you mean ‘into’?”

“I just kinda was monotone with it, I guess? Which, like, I know isn’t good, but I had a bad day and–” Crystal cut herself off as she felt tears forming. Brooke noticed immediately as she slipped her a Kleenex.

“We strive for excellent guest service here.”

“I know,” Crystal whined. “I just…”

“I think that she’s given you more than enough details, Ms. Hart,” Brooke said.

“Okay, okay. Can I just have you write everything you just told me?” She slid Crystal the stack of papers.

The sheer amount of paperwork was massive. There were so many spots to initial and sign that by the time she got to writing her statement, she felt like she couldn’t write anymore.

Monique rose. “I’ll leave you two to it. Just leave the statement when you’re done.”

“Crystal, hey, you’re okay. It’s okay. It’s a lot, but just write everything that happened. You don’t have to say that you weren’t as nice as you could be. I’m sure you were kind like you always are. Just write it as detailed as you can, okay?”  Brooke’s tone comforted Crystal as she began to write.

By the time Crystal finished writing her statement, she’d filled nearly all the lines on the paper. After signing her name one last time, she dramatically threw the pen down and stretched.

“Can we go back yet?” Crystal asked.

“Not quite yet,” Brooke said as she led Crystal to the back of the HR building.

“Why not?” she whined.

Wordlessly, Brooke led Crystal into a room she had to scan her badge to enter. The lights flickered a few times before coming in to reveal a breakroom that looked like it hadn’t been renovated since the park opened back in the eighties.

“You, my dear, need some ice cream.” Brooke went to the freezer and pulled out one of the overpriced ice cream bars that were sold to guests, which Crystal gratefully took.

“You’re the best,” Crystal said as she took a bite.

When she made it back to her game booth, Crystal was convinced her day was going to be better. If nothing else, she got to take a break for an hour and eat ice cream. It was going to be a good rest of the day, or so she thought.

On her second break, Crystal went into the restroom. As she locked the stall door, she heard a group enter. It was at least three people judging by the voices she could hear.

“Anyway yeah,” one of the voices began. “Gigi’s gotta hate her by this point. Those were some nice ass shoes she was wearing.”

“I thought they already hated each other? They never are with each other anymore. They were together so much,” a second voice said.

A third voice spoke up. “Yeah it was weird as fuck they were together so much you’d think they were dating or something.”

“I don’t know,” the second voice continued. “Either way, I’m glad Gigi’s not friends with her anymore. She’s annoying as fuck.”

“Right? The bitch doesn’t stop crying ever.” the first voice agreed. “Plus what’s up with her makeup? Sweetheart, the circus isn’t in town until next month.”

The other two laughed.

Of course her day wasn’t going to improve. Why would it? She knew that she shouldn’t let people’s words get to her. Crystal was used to being picked on for being eccentric. But with the day she’d already had, Crystal had enough.

Crystal forcefully slammed the stall door open. She didn’t even know the three girls, but vaguely recognized them as being in Dahlia’s gang. They were all standing in front of the sink fixing their makeup and hair. Crystal body checked one of the girls to get to the sink.

“What do you think you’re doing?” the girl jeered.

“Really? You’re going to talk all that shit about me and not even get the fuck out of my way? Next time you’ve got some shit to say, say it to my face, you cowards.”

When she got back from her break, she was visibly shaken. When Brooke made her rounds to check on everyone, she noticed just how upset Crystal looked. “Are you okay?”

Crystal shook her head.

“Today’s just not your day, is it, honey?”

“Nope.”

“Well,” Brooke began. “We’re overstaffed right now. Do you want to go home?”

This was music to Crystal’s ears. “Absolutely.”

“Go clock out. I’ll take care of it.”

In Crystal’s relief of leaving the hellhole that was work, she forgot all about meeting Gigi.

Gigi checked the time on her phone. It was 8:10. Five more minutes. She’d wait five minutes to see if Crystal would show. Gigi decided to not text Crystal, and decided that if she wanted to show up, she’d be there.

Five more minutes passed. As Gigi looked around The Boardwalk, there was no bright red hair to be seen. Maybe she just got held up. Gigi decided to give it another ten minutes, before giving up and defeatedly walking back to her Jeep.

Fuck you, Crystal.

Later that night, Gigi laid on her bed staring up at the ceiling wondering how she could let Crystal play with her emotions so much.

Just as she was about to wallow in her self-pity some more, her phone buzzed, notifying her that Jan was calling on Facetime.

“Hey, gorg!” Jan greeted, as she was lying in bed with Jackie.

“Hey guys,” Gigi said glumly.

“How’d it go?” Jackie asked.

“It… didn’t.”

Jan’s eyes widened. “She didn’t show up?”

Gigi shook her head as she felt herself starting to cry. “I’m so stupid.”

“Listen here, Gigi,” Jan began. “You are not stupid.”

“Did you text her?” Jackie asked.

“No, because I figured that if she really wanted to see me, I shouldn’t have to remind her,” Gigi explained. “But why do you think she didn’t want to see me?”

“I don’t know, Gigi,” Jan said. “Who knows what’s going on in that weird little brain of hers.”

Gigi plopped face down on her pillow as she screeched. “Fuck her. If she doesn’t want to talk to me, then it’s her loss. I don’t even care anymore.”

“You have to do what’s best for you,” Jackie said.

An alert informed Gigi she got a text. From Crystal.

“Fuck. It’s her,” Gigi squeaked.

“What did you say about not caring anymore?” Jan teased.

oh my god gigi i am so sorry you have no idea holy shit i had the worst day of my life. someone spit on me and i had to file a report and then these girls were talking about me and literally everything was terrible today to the point that my supervisor let me go home early and i came home and i fell right asleep and i just woke up like ten minutes ago and i feel terrible and you probably don’t want ot talk to me but oh my god gigi please im so sorry please please please talk to me

Gigi went back to the call as she reread the text. “And the impressive part is there was not a single punctuation mark in that entire text, and only one typo.”

“Wow,” Jackie said. “What are you going to do?”

“What should I do?”

Jan shrugged. “What do you think feels right?”

“I really still lo… like her a lot.  As a friend,” Gigi managed ro recover smoothly. “I don’t really want to ruin that.”

“Then tell her that,” Jan suggested.

Gigi carefully composed her response.

Wow that sounds…. terrible. Im really sorry that happened to you :(( I’m definitely still down to talk. Same place and time tomorrow?

Crystal texted back immediately.

ill be there.

After Jan hung up, she rested her head on Jackie.

“We’re good friends,” she said confidently.

“We are,” Jackie said as she kissed Jan’s cheek.

“I feel bad for them though.”

“I do too,” Jackie agreed.

“This feel selfish to say,” Jan began, “but even though they’re having a bad time, this is probably one of the best summers I’ve had in a while.”

Jackie smiled. “Do I have anything to do with that?”

“Baby, you have everything to do with it.” Jan snuggled closer to Jackie.

“Hey, Jan?” Jackie began nervously.

“Yes, Jackie?”

“I have to talk to you about something.”

Immediately, tears began to well in Jan’s eyes. “Do you not want to do this anymore?”

“What? No!”

“Then what?” Jan was near hysterics.

“Jan… This has been the best summer I’ve had in a while, too. And you’re the reason for that. Every second we spend together is the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. I spent so much time in high school planning the next step, but when I’m with you I live in the moment. I stop worrying.”

Jan didn’t say anything, so Jackie continued. “I know that we had a rocky start, and every day I regret that. I just want you to know that I’m ready.”

Jan looked up at Jackie. “Ready for what?”

Jackie was fairly certain that Jan knew exactly what Jackie meant. “Jan. I’m asking you to be my girlfriend.”

Jan remained silent.

“Jan?”

“Shh…” Jan closed her eyes and raised her hand in front of Jackie’s face.

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “Did you just shush me?”

“I want to remember this.”

“Remember… what?”

“I want to remember the second I became your girlfriend,” Jan said smiling.

“God, you’re dramatic, honey,” Jackie said rolling her eyes.

“You love it,” Jan teased.

The next day at work, Gigi couldn’t focus on anything. She desperately wanted for her shift to be over so that things could be right again.

Luckily for her, the park was busy since it was a weekend, and it had rained all day, so guests were taking shelter in the store which kept her busy. Gigi couldn’t sell overpriced plastic ponchos fast enough. She was so focused on meeting Crystal that a woman yelling at her for how cheaply made the ponchos were didn’t even register.

When it was time for Gigi to clock out, she couldn’t run fast enough. Quickly, she changed into whatever t-shirt and shorts she had in her work bag before making her way to The Boardwalk.

Gigi was surprised that she beat Crystal there, considering Crystal worked right next to the Ferris wheel. She tried to not think about it too much as she took a seat on a nearby bench. To pass the time, she anxiously bounced her knee up and down as she scrolled through social media. After what seemed like hours, she finally saw Crystal approach her.

Since it had just stopped raining and the outdoor rides had just started running again, there was no wait. As they stepped on the platform, Crystal said, “After you, my love.”

Gigi took a deep breath as she sat on the damp cabin of the Ferris wheel. Before Gigi could even fully sit down, words poured out of Crystal’s mouth so quickly she barely understood what she was saying.

“Gigi, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your shoes… I know they were your favorite. I’m so embarrassed.”

“They’re just a pair of shoes, Crystal. Don’t worry about it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Also, I’m really sorry that people are giving you such a hard time about it. Don’t listen to Dahlia or her little clique. They think they’re hot shit but everyone in Sales hates them. Even Jan won’t talk to them.”

“Damn. They must be bad considering that Jan would talk to a wall… Anyway, thanks Gigi. I’ll try. I don’t know what their problem is.”

Gigi shrugged and repeated, “Like I said, they think they’re hot shit.”

The two girls sat in an awkward silence as Gigi tapped her fingers against her thigh. Gigi hoped to God that Crystal would speak up before she did.

“About National Roller Coaster Day…” Crystal began. “Me going with Widow and Heidi instead of you guys wasn’t because I wanted to hurt your guys’ feelings or didn’t want to hang out with you. I miss you guys a lot. Anyway, I legitimately had no plans of going because Ryan was being needy. But, Widow showed up on my doorstep sobbing since her boyfriend broke up with her. I asked if going to the after-hours thing would cheer her up and she said it would. I made up some dumb excuse to Ryan and went with Widow and met up with Heidi. I was thinking about texting Jan that but I felt like it’d be weird to text her that, and I figured we wouldn’t run into each other, anyway.”

“And then we did.”

“And then we did,” Crystal sighed. “Gigi, please know there was no malicious intent with that one. I miss spending time with you.”

Gigi also sighed. “I miss our car rides.”

“No one else I know will listen to me sing One Direction the way you do.”

“I miss your coffee-making abilities,” Gigi admitted.

“We had some great times earlier in the season. But I had to go and ruin it. All of it.” Gigi didn’t say anything and let Crystal continue. “I should have never used any of what you told me against you. I don’t know why I did it.”

“You were pissed and said whatever came into your mind.”

Crystal sighed. “It’s still no excuse. I said some awful shit.”

“You did. I probably shouldn’t have insulted your boyfriend,” Gigi admitted.

Crystal sighed as tears formed in her eyes. “It’s… complicated.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Gigi said sympathetically as she looked at Crystal’s arm that had a bruise identical to the one Gigi found. “I know that you didn’t mean it. We all say stupid shit when we’re upset about stuff. Crystal, you don’t have a mean bone in your body. I hate seeing you this sad.”

“I feel like I’m such a bad person,” Crystal said, wiping her eyes.

“My mom told me this a while ago and it stuck. Crystal, bad people don’t think they’re bad people, and they sure as hell don’t try to become better people.”

“Your mom’s a smart lady.”

“She’s been through hell and back, that’s for sure.”

As the conversation dipped into another lull, the Ferris wheel reached the top. Admiring the cotton candy sky, Gigi thought long and hard about what she wanted to say next. She decided if she and Crystal were going to make their friendship work, everything had to be on the table.

Well, maybe not everything. Crystal didn’t have to know she was in love with her. But, Gigi figured Crystal should at least know the part of her she was hiding.

Slowly, the Ferris wheel reached the platform, and before Gigi could speak up, Crystal stepped out and held out her hand to help Gigi get out.

Shit.

[twiceblackvelvet]

im the person who asked for the 10th emmber reaction!!! thank u omg i loved it and u did so fast it's great!! can i please request a reaction based on that prompt but for jeongyeon??? thank u so much!!!!

A/N; hope you enjoy anon, thank you for both requests🖤

Being a member of the nation’s biggest girl-group comes with immense pressure. If there isn’t a camera in front of your face like there is currently, it would be unusual. A lot of that time is spent with a smile convincing enough to please your adoring fans, however, the nine girls you share the stage with know that it isn’t the real you. Truthfully, your journey to becoming a member of TWICE was rough. The rules against what you can and can’t do, the constant training and evaluations almost shattered your spirit, confidence, and dream to even potentially debut never mind make it as an idol. 

Amazingly, all of those things are not what has caused you to often lock yourself inside your room in the dorm. You don’t avoid people because of your experiences from before your debut. It’s because every day you’re reminded by one member in particular that you’re not wanted. Of course, it’s never been said to you with words but you’ve always believed that actions speak far louder. 

Your audition process was fairly simple, you recorded two videos of you singing and one of you dancing and sent it off to the company after having been spotted at a fan meeting for a rookie group your friend liked. You were invited to the company for an evaluation and the next thing you know, you’re signing a contract and your training soon began. At first, it was all a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. You were in awe of all of the talented people you’d casually bump into every now and then. But all of that changed when you met her. 

Jeongyeon was already a trainee when you entered JYP but the two of you had never met until a few months after you had signed. The dance studio was always where you felt the most comfortable, whether it be to let loose yourself or watch the other trainees work on new choreography. The world must have been out to get you the first day you met her though as it’s by far the most embarrassing moment of your life thus far.

Your hand gripping a reusable coffee cup being knocked by Jeongyeon’s body as she entered the studio door you were exiting and spilling over the both of you is not the first impression you’d wish to make on anyone, yet it’s what both of you are stuck with when thinking back to your first meeting. Even thinking about it now makes your toes curl and head pound in frustration because that split-second moment of stupidity has led you to be stuck in this current position of Jeongyeon seemingly hating your entire existence. 

Your relationship with the other members of TWICE is strong. The bond you hold with each of them is so special to you that you can’t imagine ever doing anything to jeopardize that. They’ve all always made sure to reassure you whenever you’ve had second-thoughts or doubts about your talent. But the more you think about how Jeongyeon will avoid all conversations with you or refuses to spend longer than three seconds alone with you, the more frustrated and angry you become. But now is not the place or time to be thinking about the fact that you’re deeply disliked by someone you’re supposed to be close to and who fans call one of your ‘sisters’. 

So, as you sit and listen to the interviewers’ questions about what you’ve all been getting up to lately and asking you to offer compliments to each of the members one by one, your brain turns back into work mode and throws out the easiest lie you can think of on the spot when you finally reach her name. 

“Jeongyeon has a wonderful voice.” Your own ears pick up on the bluntness and forceful way the words fall out of your mouth, luckily the interviewer doesn’t and moves on to asking Tzuyu to compliment you all. 

It isn’t a lie, you think, Jeongyeon does have a remarkable voice that if it came from anyone else you’d love to listen to for hours. However, over the years, her voice simply reminds you of all of the times she’d point out your smallest mistakes, tell you that your issues are not her concern whenever you’d try to speak to her or simply throw out sighs whenever you’d enter the same room as her in the dorm. You don’t want to hate Jeongyeon but she makes it very difficult for you not to. 

The rest of your day consists of an appearance on a popular new variety show, filming an ad for a music streaming app to promote your new album and finishes with a photoshoot with both group and solo shots. By the time you’re in the van to head back home, the sun is rising and your eyes struggle to remain open. You can hear Mina in the front seat playing video games on her phone, Momo is passed out beside you with Nayeon draping across her body like a koala. Sana is seated behind you quietly eating snacks and scrolling through her phone peacefully. 

At the very back of the van, Jihyo and Jeongyeon are seated beside each other engaging in a hushed conversation that you’d struggle to hear under normal circumstances but even more so with the bickering of Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu as they discuss the latest drama they’ve been watching. Your head perks up slightly when you hear a faint whisper of your name but you’re unable to figure out which of the members have said it. Sleep takes over your body preventing you from overthinking and you put to rest another busy day. 

When you awake several hours later you’re inside of the dorm resting comfortably on the large sofa with a blanket draped across your body. One of the managers must have carried you inside so as not to disturb your sleep. As you slowly raise your body to head towards your shared bedroom, you notice the kitchen light is still on with a shadow of a seated body on the wall. Curious as to why someone is still awake your feet carry you towards the only source of light available. 

Regret immediately fills your body as Jeongyeon’s back comes into sight. She hasn’t noticed you yet as you mentally curse yourself for inquisitive. A thought pops into your head about how angry and annoyed you were earlier in the day and you notice you may not get another opportunity like this to confront her and try to find out why her behavior around you is so different compared to everyone else.

“Can I talk to you?” You can visibly see Jeongyeon’s body tense up with your words. When her decision to seemingly hate you first began, you may have apologized for startling her like this but you’re past the point of caring now. She releases a deep sigh but nods her head in response. 

The tension between you both is suffocating and you worry about just how often the two of you have made the other members uncomfortable with this unspoken feud you have going on. You decide to put an end to it once and for all here.

“Look, I know that you know there’s something weird between us. I’m not blind or stupid. I can see that you rush out of any room I’m in. You snap at me all of the time even if I haven’t done anything to bother you. You’re so caring towards the other girls and yet you make me feel so small and unimportant. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve considered giving everything up because you’ve made me feel worthless or have refused to just put aside whatever pettiness you’ve created so we can be a stronger group. I want you to tell me honestly what your issue is so we can either fix this or I can decide once and for all if I want to continue to be around you as a member whilst making myself depressed in the meantime.”

Your eyes focus entirely on the sleeves of your sweater unable to look Jeongyeon directly in the eyes as your deepest and darkest thoughts brim to the surface and spill out in front of you both. The dam you built around the floodgates of your feelings has well and truly been broken. Her eyes, however, are staring a hole into your own as she watches you silently explain just how difficult she has made life for you the last few years. 

“I’ve tried so hard to just ignore you whenever you’d make me feel like this but it’s so hard when you’re around me constantly with this invisible barrier preventing us from truly being present and real with each other. I can’t do it anymore, I just… I can’t. I’m fed up of being your punching bag without you giving me a valid reason for your actions.”

The silence that fills the entire dorm once you’ve finished speaking almost makes you get up, walk out and likely never return. You just want an answer and she isn’t even willing to give you that after you’ve very clearly explained the toll all of this has taken on you. As you stand and turn away from Jeongyeon, panic begins to rise inside of her and her voice breaks your concentration on how you’re going to explain leaving TWICE to everyone you know, your fans and the members.

“I love you.” It’s your turn to be startled now at the sudden words you’ve heard from Jeongyeon several times for other members but never yourself. “Please, stay. I love you. Let me explain everything, please.”

She rises from her own seat and moves towards where your body is frozen in place unable to move, unable to breathe and unable to think about anything other than the three words she’s now repeated twice. Her arms slowly turn your body to face her and your eyes find her own. There are tears streaming down both of your faces and Jeongyeon slowly wipes a few of your own away with the pad of her thumb. 

“I love you y/n. I know it doesn’t look or feel like I do, I’ve acted like the biggest idiot in the world. But, you have to know that all of this was to protect both of us.” Your face contorts into a confused expression and Jeongyeon realizes she’s going to have to explain things from the beginning.

“Do you remember the first day we met? You spilled your coffee on us both and practically ran away from me just saying sorry over and over again? I remember thinking you were the cutest person I’d ever seen. I asked some of the other trainees about you and they told me you practically lived in the dance studio. So, I started to watch your classes whenever I wasn’t training myself. You became my escape from all of the pressure of debuting. I’d watch you dance and become inspired, you truly are amazing.” 

The words don’t feel real as you listen to them. All of the times you’ve recalled meeting Jeongyeon it’s been to scold yourself and remind you that first impressions are important and a bad one can ruin things more than you know. 

“You know that Jihyo and I are close, right? She’s my best friend. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I told her all about you, how you danced so elegantly, how you’re by far the prettiest person I’ve ever seen, all of it. You can ask her if you’d like. But she made me realize that if I were to tell you all of this, you might be uncomfortable around me. So, when the managers finally told us the final line-up for our group, I knew I had to prioritize that over what I thought was just a small crush.” 

For a second you consider pinching yourself to check all of this is real. For years you’ve fought so many mental battles over the thought of Jeongyeon hating you. Yet here she is revealing that it’s all been over her attraction towards you. She doesn’t allow you to dwell on it for long as she continues speaking.

“It turned out to be much more than a small crush. I thought if I pushed you away, refused to be around you or to accept you that I’d get over it. But my heart simply won’t let me ignore you. You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to tell you all of this but I was so scared you’d hate me, tell the others and then they’d hate me too. The possibility of you ever feeling the same way just wasn’t something I felt was going to happen. I’m not saying that now it will or that I’m going to suddenly pursue you, I just need you to know that I don’t hate you. The problem has always been that I’m very much so in love with you and I’ll never ever be good enough for you.” 

There’s a deep feeling of conflict inside you upon hearing Jeongyeon talk about her fears. Despite it all, you’re proud of her for finally finding the courage to let all of this out. You desperately want to believe her and let this silliness go, but your mind which has been through so much hurt doesn’t wish to forgive her yet. 

“Please say something. Anything. Even if it’s that you don’t want to speak to me ever again.” She begs. 

You turn away from her and the action alone is enough to break her heart, but your words stop the cracks from forming.

“I can’t say I forgive you for everything, nor do I at this moment feel the way that you do. But I’m willing to put all of this aside and move forward if that’s something you want too. No more avoiding each other or being unkind to one another. Let’s try to be friends first and we’ll see where that leads us.” 

Jeongyeon extends her hand towards your body, when you don’t react she grabs one of your own and places it into hers. She shakes your hands together lightly. 

“Hello, I’m Jeongyeon and I’m very silly. It’s nice to meet you.” 

For the first time in years, you think everything will be alright. 

[jwnbwnjwn]

Entry 8 (12.20.2020)

 Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted an entry on here. My last one was back in September, and man a lot has happened since. First off, My sleeping schedule has been messed up for the past couple of days, and in a bit I’ll get to why. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it in any of the last posts but, if I didn’t then my goal for the last couple of months has been to get on a (keto) diet and lose some weight, and I’m here to tell you I still haven’t, I haven’t even stuck to a diet for that matter. The only diet I’ve had has consisted of take out and midnight snacks. Anyways, now let’s get down to business. I went ahead and read my latest blog post before this and I laughed at the fact that I said I was starting a diet, yeah that never happened. Im happily at 160 lbs at the moment (not really happy about it but oh well). 

I mean covid-19 is still going on, its kinda spiking then calming down, spiking again, and its just this whole repeating situation. Everyone's still wearing and masks and doing everything to be safe, although I think my towns cases are starting to go down. It is around Christmas time so they’re starting to decorate everything, all the parks and stuff; so hopefully that doesn't spike the numbers up again. When going out though I still have to be careful, I can’t catch covid and give it to my loved ones, and I would rather not make history and get sick. 

I guess I should start here. I wish my life was still the same as it was during my last entry. I really do. I wouldn’t have known what I do now and I would’ve just been at peace, happily living my life and struggling with school. I ended up getting a D in that biology course, and dropping that math and history course. Yeah, it was a pretty shitty school year tbh. I’ve never been that lazy and unmotivated when it comes to school but man, this fall year really took a toll on me because I legit did nothing all year. In result of it, my gpa went to absolute shit and down to a 2.8. I now gotta make that up during the summer and try to get it as high as i possibly can. I just finished my second fall semester so I’ve been on Christmas break for about a week now, but honestly this break feels so lazy and gross. I am reading my last entry to see what I can catch everyone up on, as things have changed drastically. I mean my friendships are still fine, I still keep in contact with seatbelt and ice and maria. I keep in contact with them almost daily honestly. About my relationship, thats where I wish things were the way they were three months ago. Without going over too much detail, a girl reached out to me and let me know her boyfriend and Mr. were trading girls nudes again. Honestly hearing this a second time broke my heart, but I really didnt have much of a reaction to it. It hurts every here and there, but I guess im forcing myself to open my heart and forgive and forget so I can go ahead and move on already. Mr. and I are in a certain situation trying to avoid law enf*rc*m*nt so things have been kind of hard recently. He’s been seeing me many times this week just because of the fear itself that one day might be his last time to see me, but I think things are starting to cool down with our/his situation, so hopefully he’s not walking on eggshells too longer, because seeing him worried makes me worried and vice versa. He’s looking into going to therapy and having a closer relationship between him and god, in order to get rid of his old ways and make himself into the better person he needs to become. I can’t really get into details about the situation on here as it legit would be the most dumbest thing I could possibly do, but in result of getting closure about it, he told me he was planning on purposing in the near future, like before 2021 is over - but then he had to go fuck it up and put that on hold. After talking about it we’re going to have to attend counseling once again, but in hopes of fixing our relationship and getting closer again. I love him a lot, I do, but man he is one dumb ass person. I really hope and pray he gets his stuff together, because I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I mean, I guess we’re kind of in an awkward part in our relationship, but its honestly because of the situation we’re in, so we just have to work through this and rebuild the trust he ruined. I know he’s going to be going to individual counseling for sure, but I have a feeling that’s just going to turn into couples counseling the way it happened the first time. I hope I can get myself to go into counseling for myself as well, because man, I really do want to work through these issues I have deep down inside of me, but I can’t find the courage I need at the moment - maybe after all of this is done I will. Mr.’s dad is still really sick, but im still praying to god and the heavens above he gets better. I’ve been talking to my dad a lot and my relationship has been improving, while my moms and I’s is kind of going backwards slowly. About those two discord friends, I dont know why I put “crunch” as one of them. I forgot what his first nickname was, but I know it wasn crunch. I mean his name is cesar, so i guess i got mixed up lol but yeah i’m not friends with c*sar and shr*mp anymore. I mean I got really close with him, and I did consider im an important person in my life, until one day I logged onto Discord to see he kicked me out of the server and blocked me, which eventually resulted in everyone from the server blocking me and deleting me off roblox so, I pretty much had no say in it. There wasn't even a reason TO block me, I legit just logged on randomly and was blocked. Although I found out through someone else who was also in the server before he himself blocked me that apparently I was jealous of shr*mp and I guess calling c*sar manipulative got him upset and thinking so he blocked me lmao. Anyways, because of this I dont really play Roblox that often anymore, but instead I watch anime now. Currently waiting on AOT’s new episode releasing today so, thats something exciting to look forward to. I cant wait for christmas just so i can see the look on my siblings face when they see what I got them lol. I also got Mr. a chain bracelet, so I hope he likes it and actally wears it. There’s not really much else except being on eggshells with Mr. and wasting my life away. I’ll keep you guys updated. I’ll try to post on here more often.

Ended this at 12.20.2020 at 8:27 AM

-jen