#im having pms so thats why
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day 4 of sappho!
some fun an not-so-fun.
fun: woohoo! stuff happened! i set up my first pwp (public works project. not smut.), the campsite! i also unlocked the island! but then i had to rush back home before 10am because rosie wanted to come visit at that time. and then she stayed for no longer than 1 and a half minutes before leaving.
speaking of the island...
not so fun: i accidentally cut down all of the palm trees instead of saving a few of them. and then i went on a tour, so it auto-saved. then i reset my game to try and go back to the save where i still had the trees, not realizing it had auto-saved. i'm very upset with myself. does anyone know if you can replant palm trees? none of the tours had any bananas i could steal to replant. do beetles spawn on palm tree stumps????? god i really hope so. im very mad and annoyed and ughhhhhh. whyyyy.
im just gonna take a break until i stop being mad at myself. dammit! i really wanted to grind for some bells!!!! aah!!!
#i am genuinely so mad at myself#im having pms so thats why#im so emotional over animal crossing as of late#acnl blogging#acnl#acnlwa#animal crossing new leaf#animal crossing#new leaf#welcome amiibo#nintendo 3ds#tales of sappho#girlblogging
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something something something the Waynes refusing to allow the Kanes to give Martha a jewish burial because it would “look bad” if she wasnt buried in the Wayne Crypt or whatever.
Something something something about Thomas and Martha Wayne being the only ones buried on the manor grounds after Bruce returns from his world tour.
#look. i am aware that im approaching this as someone raised orthodox.#but the cultural horror around not being allowed to bury your dead in the way your traditions say…#it runs so so deep. it is quiet literally the basis of like. all the horror stories i hears growing up at summer camp*#*subject to my horrific memory#and i saw a post talking about the kanes not showing up to marthas funeral and i started thinking about WHY they wouldn’t#because. also. not escorting the dead is A Big Deal in many ways.#and just. all you want to do is bury your sister. you already know youve failed her son. you already know thats a fight her husbands family#will not let you win#and they cant even give you this because it will cost them some whispered looks across gilded halls#and so you dont even know where to start your mourning.#idk idk idk its 10.30 pm and i have done none of my to do list but#also exhuming a body to bring it to proper Jewish burial is allowed under specific circumstances#like halachacly#and i do think this would be important to martha actually#regardless of her level of observance#because again. depending on where the kanes came from. that generational scar runs deep.
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I know nothing about ur pokemon au tell me about Chuuyas team pls- i wanna know the poke-parallels between his team and Dazais
Ah!!! i'm glad you asked!!! :D
In this AU, Dazai is the strongest of Yokohama's Gym Leaders. He specializes in Ghost types! His team consists of a Dragapult, a houndstone, a spiritomb, a froslass, a mimikyu, and a lampent! here's so fun(debatable) facts about his team!
he used to be an admin for the Port Mafia, so he still has like. a big fat kill count. So that's where the Spiritomb comes from. yeah.
Dragapult is usually the one dragging dazai out of his attempts. It's been with him since even before Dazai joined the mafia, so it's his signature pokemon
His mimikyu likes playing with children. Dazai often leaves it with Kyouka and Kenji to play with whenever the gym leaders get together
Dazai found Lampent when he visited Lupin after Oda's death. It was hanging around the alleyway, and he decided to catch it.
froslass is always freezing him. yk like james in the pokemon anime with all of his pokemon. bc he's pathetic like that. Dazai caught froslass on a mission with Kunikida, shortly after becoming a Gym Leader. (yes this froslass is the nightmare of all of his challengers).
Chuuya tried so hard to convince Dazai to catch a Greavard. Dazai eventually relented, but only because he could name it chibi. eventually he got actually attached to it and evolved it to Houndstone
Chuuya, on the other hand, is still an admin for the Port Mafia
His team consists of flying types. This is because, as his brother Verlaine is French from Kalos, got Chuuya super into sky battles. he prefers sky battles, but he's obviously just as formidable in normal battles. In Chuuya's team he has a corviknight, a skarmory, a honchkrow, a mismagius, a talonflame, and an oricorio (sensu style)
Honchkrow is his signature pokemon! it's been with him since he was in the Sheep
the oricorio, believe it or not, is actually from Kouyou and not Dazai, despite the ghost typing. its usually the pokemon to drag chuuya away when he's overworking himself.
the talonflame was gift from Verlaine! yk. as an apology. for killing the flags. Chuuya raised it from an egg. Verlaine battles with it every once in a while to see how it's doing. the battle's just an excuse to spend time with his little brother though
Corviknight was a gift from Adam as well.
Mismagius used to be Dazai's, but he left Chuuya its pokeball when he left the mafia so its his now :P
Chuuya had to add skarmory to his team during the DHC but ended up bonding with it and now its a staple in his team
Back when they were in the mafia, soukoku were often paired up for double battles on missions.
#look man im all up for switching up the terminology so chuuya's an admin instead of an exec but i refuse to call the PM “team port”#also i know that in the games neither of them should have full teams but also have you considered: let me have my fun#i'll draw these two losers later im rlly busy rn but i wanted to post my thoughts (yes thats why im answering so late sorry!!!)#dont ask why chuuya's team is 4/6 just gifts from people hes a very sentimental guy okay#chuuya also takes care of the flags' pokemon but he doesnt use them in battle#dazai#chuuya#skk#soukoku#bungo stray pokemon au#idk what to call it so we're just going for a basic title ig#might add more details and their designs later
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i got such shit sleep bc of that wild ass dream/nightmare and now im all foggy and hazy but not in a fun way and i have shit to do i hate it
#whatever im gonna drink abt it later then go to bed at 8 pm and sleep for 12 hours#why does my brain torture me this way#it was a perfectly fine dream too. bizarre but thats all my dreams. then suddenly i was thrust into hell#it wasnt even scary i just have these dreams where i get to see my parents again and in them theres this sense of#‘i was gone for a long time but im here now’ and i just know it’s my brain processing the denial+bargaining stage of grief#but i feel such joy and relief for like 5 seconds only to wake up to my fucking miserable real life and then i want to jump off a cliff#and i can never get back to sleep bc i can only handle seeing that shit every so often. and the sleep isnt even restorative so whats the#fucking point#jesus christ ive never been so miserable in my fucking life i wish id just DIE in my sleep instead. thatd be awesome
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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation#negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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ah, so the misophonia is part of the sensory processing disorder + etc. of course.
#misophonia#okay now that im where im coming from here:#does anyone else get Murderous when they hear lawnmowers/leafblowers/etc#like instant anger. not minor annoyance but This is about to Ruin the next few hours for me#like if someone was trying to get me to join the dark side or whatever but i was in firm disagreement until That Motor revs up#i want to enjoy the sounds of spring and summer but instead its fuck BRBRBRBRBRBRBRRBRRRBRBRBRBRBRRBRBRBRBRRRR#ALL THE DAMN DAY#its fucking night time rn;#its fucking RAINING#and i have a neighbor whos mowing her lawn#shes about ot get evicted out of this house w this giant ass lawn that only she lives in but shes MOWING HER FUCKING LAWN USING OUR POWER#i want all mowers and leaf blowers to explode forever#SHES FUCKING SITTING STILL ON HER PHONE RUNNING THE WORLDS LOUDEST SINGLE PASSENGER VEHICLE#AND I CANT FUCKING TELL HER TO HAVE A LICK OF SELF AWARENESS BC I HAVE FUCKING COVID SO I CANT LEAVE MY ROOM OR CLOSE MY WINDOWS#i swear to fucking god pls get me out of hereeeeeeee#my ears hurt so bad rn i wanna cry#thats all its been for htese days of isolation: mower after mower after mower after mower#i just wanna hear the wind! or the rain! or the birds! or the frogs! OR NOTHING!!!!#i cant fucking sleep thru it either ;;;;;;;;;;;;;#and whenever i describe this frustration no one in my family really sympathizes#they ask if ive tried my headphones which is would be helpful if i hadnt tried and failed w that for years#they just shrug and say 'well it has to be done' BUT WHY DO PPL 'NEED' TO MOW THEIR LAWNS EVERY FUCKING DAY#okay shes done now. at 9 fucking pm. ill be done now
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I'm oh. Hoh. I'm augh. Somebody tuck me in..
#i just did my 2.4 napfa... i failed by 10% and have a killer headache and i feel like a cat about to throw up 7 times#and it was HOT#im so glad its over i dont even care i failed (its not rlly that important#but got damn i am so unfit.. mutuals to scold me into working out more...#im so tireds guys and its only 10 30 am i am busy today until 8 pm and then i have a history and chinese mock paper to do by tmr😭#its also exam period and chinese o levels this month so if im v tired an havent interacted with my beloved mutuals in a while thats why </3
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#periodical life updates#man the second artfight ends someone remind me to start working on my selfship blog FOR REAL. i keep putting it off but i have so many#things to post about my little f/os oguhg </3 wanna make it look all pretty first and draw all the little things for it :>#anyway hi happy artfight!! my drawing tablet broke </3 im working on attacks with my sib's tablet. i am trying very hard.#i have some things queued to post though its mostly easy things and things i already had tags for in my drafts#im so. tired. feeling a little inadequate because it feels like i cant keep up with anything. im behind on af attacks and talking to people#and my queue and sht (i have so many drafts) and i want to do everything and im gwaughhh that i cant#but i know its just ''dont trust anything after 9 pm'' thoughts. im doing well. im making progress. i literally made a spreadsheet and can#visibly track the progress im making. im working on 25+ attacks. im trying. i give myself a lot of work and im doing my best#almost 4 am oh no! still gotta brush my teeth; thats why im still awake really otherwise id be snork mimimi-ing it up <3#changed my discord avatar to an attack my friend moss drew for me <3 its of my boy stickers i love him!!#tomorrow im gonna work on a background for one of my animated pieces maybe <3#hm... do i have any other updates... man i guess thats it :P#i love you <33 hope you're all well <3
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#read a book recently about muslims and their sex lives#was eye opening in more ways than one for me but what i read in there was something that recontextualized islam a lot for me#and thats that the patriarchy in islam is a huge problem. i dont know why i never put that together before.#its the reason the women arent involved in the burial of loved ones even if they were the ones closest to the deceased.#all the men do that.#neither me nor my women relatives can be involved in such ways for my grandfathers funeral. we have to sit and do nothing right now.#so. today will be hard. im already tired and we have so long until the end of all proceedings at 3 pm (its 11:20 rn)
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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ive been having nightmares and waking up in cold sweat every night for weeks now. when will this stop
#its likely meds + general anxiety over exams#but theres no guarantee it will go away when the exams are over#im just so tired. im always so cold when i wake up#and i have no energy throughout the day#and even with day naps get exhausted by like 11 pm#and then everyone asks#why do you drink so many energy drinks#because thats the only time i feel energetic enough to maybe do more than bare minimum??#arnold’s laments
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♡♡♡ hugsss hope u feel better soon fruity!! bein arnd strangers is harddd
yeahhh im feeling better now thanks for carimg<33
#im going to leave soon i think#it’s almost 11 pm#asks#jackie 🦈#no ones a stranger i know everyone here actually#but they’re all either way older or way younger than me lol#no one i could have a meaningful conversation with#but also theres less people now so i think thats why i feel better#i don’t like crowded places i get soo claustrophobic
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blaming things on rokuyou >>>
#emil.rtf#i have went from 'oh today just sucks shit guess ill die' to 'oh todays [x] and thats why im having really bad luck but its ok'#ex: tuesday was butsumetsu n thats the unluckiest day n i had a panic attack n other shit went wrong that day#today is senshou meaning good luck in the morning bad luck in the afternoon and i got hit w the tummy pains before my 2 pm so.
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this silly (but lowkey so REAL) comic about horror and s1 killer got me thinking thoughts. man..... stage 1 killer out on his way to do everything to go against s2's actions. you can't just tell EVERYONE not to trust you in stage 2 man they dont trust you either way!!! god,,,, and then horror just gets beat up because of what YOU suggested??? and killer's got the classic goofy ass grin on his face. bro probably doesnt even remember what he saiiiid but ugh,,,,,
mtt spotted on the second photo mtt best group. anyways i always like it when horror (and by extension dust) learn to pay attention to killer's stages. it doesn't even have to be for a sweet cute awww 🥺🥺 reason like for keeping track of boundaries and how to deal with different killers. nah!!!! i just like it if they're more wary with 2,,,, learn to pay attention to stage 1 just incase he says anything important but not really rely on him because goddamn it whatever he tells them to do just backfires anyways. and then they dont even really need to pay attention for 3 they just need to GET THE FUCK OUT THE BOMBS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!!! SHIIIIT!!!!! 4? whats that? another stage? never heard of it aside from the other 3............ euagh
#oh ya this is by zyz800 on twt#horror's so cutie patootie in this one this comic gives off peak hrkl vibes even if it has nothing to do with it#listen if the trio could escape together they probably it's literally just that killer is too unpredictable to ever go with horror and dust#THE TWO PROBABLY COULD IF HE JUST AGREED..... BUT THEY CANT BECAUSE HE WONT FUCKING AGREE!!!!!!!#killer is singlehandedly the only thing keeping all THREE of them stuck in the gang and bro is dooming himself and his counterparts#they cant escape they might as well try the second best thing: distracting themselves through eachother#if all else fails a group suicide doesnt sound that bad. horror and killer will just have to drag dust down with them#group suicide and then killer just comes back. finally got rid of those bitches! i'm sick of their asses! and then he runs off to freedom#GO KILLER!!!! GO KILLER!!!! ESCAPE!!! ESCAPE LIKE NOBODY ELSE CAN!!!!!#i'm in such a good mood i did so much swapinverse work today#i finished vice.SER's full and summarized lore.... did some of crash's main facts!!! ugh!!!! so productive!!!!!#i had 5 days off last week and i literally only did stuff TODAY. THIS WEEK#3 days of no school and i did absolutely nothing.......... man#executive dysfunction is going to kill me one day i fear#is it even executive dysfunction i dont know but with how annoying it is i feel it can be called that#horror has no fucking idea what the hell killer's yapping about man. stages??? like for concerts??? why are there 3 of them??? he dgaf#where's dust in this comic. did killer try something like this with dust too. did it end up in the same ending#dust would probably never trust killer again if he was in horror's place in this comic thats prob why#but then again would dust make sure a rookie mistake like that? ive yet to know because i am not him#been listening to xxtha's mtt songs on loop since like 7 pm im in such a trio mood. this is great#i love being productive i love breaking out of the loop i love feeling like i'm real for this#tricule rant
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ive been licherally catching up with my python stuff all day since 10ish am (previous hours dedicated to my pre-focusing fucking around if you must know) and now that im all caught up with my clean notes and corrected exercises and its time to move on in the exercise sheet to catch up with where most of the rest of the class is (im assuming sheet 3, im 1/4 sheet 2) and its 20mins to 10pm and i just dont feel like it anymore. i kinda wanna go to sleep.
im gonna pull my hair out its like i did nothing from an outsiders perspective. but at least i have nice looking notes
#sugar.txt#my class is at 6pm tomorrow and i usually leave the house at 3h15ish pm so its not like i dont have time. but i kinda didnt wanna be doing#the exercises right before class you know#i had a really bad class last friday so thats why i applied myself extras today#saturday was also meant to be a part of it but i was depression-exhausted i slept most of the day#anyway a vent and a microblogging event ^#its whatever ill get up early and go to the library maybe.#that way im also closer to the train station so i can leave closer to 4pm for the train#oH SHIOT THE TRAIN I HABEVE. I HAVEDE VER AS GREVES#as tantas vou ter de ir de autocarros às tipo duas da tarde lol#não se vai à biblioteca mas leva-se o portatil na mesma e faz se as cenas no campus
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my school schedule has changed & now its absolutely horrid
#mine#its really really awful#extra hour every day#6 hours total on wednesday instead of the usual 4#4 of those 6 with no breaks in between#when usually we break every 2 hours#random free hour after lunch tuesday#during which i likely wont be allowed to stay outside#friday is the new wednesday#i get to go home at 12#which is nice#but the only classes i do have on friday are useless to me#2 hours of sports which i get to spend in a small depressing room doing whatever i want#& 2 hours of ncz (horrible class where we learn nothing ever)#im going to try & get out of that one though bc legally you are allowed to#so that would leave me with 4 hours of having to be at school but being allowed to do whatever#thats so stupid#4 hours of nothing?? why would i even go#id get more out of being allowed to just stay home on friday#anyway bc of the extra hours the only days i will be home before 5 pm are wednesday and friday#5 pm :((#thats already dark in the winter basically#this also means i cant ever hang out with friends after school if theyre in a different school#bc my hours are so weird theres never going to be a good moment#and i already barely see them :(#im so upset this is so bad#my brothers new schedule is awful too
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