#im grateful to everyone that actually talked to me and maybe im just feeling sentimental but these memories are precious to me

[onlyjaeyun]

ZADIE LOVE AHHHHHHH i kid u not i was on the edge whenever i saw ur wc update literally went "OMG OMG ITS HAPPENING" am i ready to actually start reading? no ill never be but i am also soSOOO invested in what happened between hoonyn i HAVE TO BRACE MYSELF

ok enough yapping and onto to the actual chapter 👉🏻👈🏻 im actually gna start crying yn was probably the sweetest little girl ever surrounded w her loving family im so happy she had her maternal aunt at the very least 🥹 she even saved up money to get her brothers' gifts she's so precious 🥺🥺 NOOO LITTLE HOONYN WERE LITERALLY EACH OTHERS CONSTANT SUPPORT IM SO BROKEN 😭😭😭 THEY WERE TOO PURE TOO GOOD FOR THE CRUELTY THAT IS THE WORLD

yn's gift is in a little box? a jewellery mayhaps... STOP OMG HOON'S HER SECRET SANTA!,!/&;&&: SKDJAKSJS (icb they nvr gotten each other b4 tho 🧐) WORLD PAUSE SUNGHOON WANTED TO DO WHAT NOW?:!/& someone hold me i feel faint. we've COME SO FAR IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO BAWL 😭😭😭😭😭😭 "not only show you how over the ongoing war between you two he is, but also one he could use as a way to maybe win you over again" IM IN TEARS. THE WAR IS ENDING 😭😭😭

im actually so proud(?) of hoon for accepting his feelings like to go from saying the meanest things 24/7 to a person to actually admitting that you still want to have that person around takes alot of courage and he has my respect for that!

ok so he chose a sentimental gift... A SNOWFLAKE NECKLACE?:!/$ MAYBE?? 🤔 IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO START BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS WHY AM I SO NERVOUS 🤕 HE FAWKING WROTE HER A CARD IN JAPANESE. yep im out. 😭🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣😭😭 STOOPP ITTT HE GOT HER A RING W HER MOTHER'S BIRTHSTONE?:!/!/ IM ACTUALLY IN TEARS THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOO PRECIOUS IM GONNA START BAWLING he's so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 & yn now knows its from hoon 🥺😭🥺🥺🥹🥹🥹

THE FUCKING DOORBELL. THE FUCKING WITCH. WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HER IM GNA FUCK HER 🆙 !!!!!! no but can we talk about how yn stood up to her MY POOKIEPIE MY LOVE 🥹 she's so strong for that ❤️‍🩹 & riki n hoon 🥹 coming in to stand w her 😭 hoon just standing behind her supporting her, ready to step in anytime ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

oh im soo fucking that bitch up im filing my nails as i type rn im gna scratch her face and no one can stop me. its the fact riki still calls her mom and she goes and do shit like this. i just cant phantom how people like her call themselves parents. yn making that decision whilst she was still so young 💔 no one really should have been in that position in the first place

i know uve alrdy shown us this part in the wc update but it still HITS ME SO HARD "of all people in this world, it was your hands he had put his tiny heart into because he knew you’d always keep it safe and protected, only for your absence to scar him forever" im actually broken. & OF FUCKING COURSE ITS THE FREAKING WITCH THAT HAD SMTH TO DO WITH THE LETTER NOT REACHING HOON.

ill say it time and time again but the friendship dynamic u create in everyone of ur fic is so precious and beautiful 🤍 all of them will fight and stand by each other through the darkest of times 🫂

ive actually teared up reading this chapter 🥺 this was everything, u always amaze me with the ideas u have and the way u execute them 🤍 this chapter was worth its wait <3 i truly enjoy reading every single update and idk what else to say other than thank you for sharing the masterpiece that is cold hearts with us all 🤍🤍

have a very very good night zadie <3

oh my sweet souled lia 🥺

thank you SO much for this ask. i never know what to say when you guys send me messages like these because im just baffled by how much love and attention and support you guys not only send me but my characters. i think it's safe to say that i will keep this so close to my heart. it's such an honor to receive such amazing reactions to the things my characters experience and ik im rambling but like, seeing you all so invested in this smau makes me so happy and im so grateful for everything. thank you baby. i love and appreciate you so much 🥺🤍🩷☀️💐🌷

[cheeriecherry]

Reactions to our boi finding out that not only were you a fan before meeting but you were fan who wrote smut about them? A secret you've kept hidden but now... Aizawa, Mic, Nighteye

I’m still sick but i need to do something before i go nuts lol, but I’m sorry if it’s a little questionable, I’m like, half awake oof

Warnings: some mentions of smut but nothing super explicit

AIZAWA SHOUTA

-So he’s not necessarily a well known hero, or at least he isn’t usually in the running with the media. So he probably doesn’t have that much merch, or it’s really hard to find.

-So he notices the first time you let him into your room that you have an adorable tsumtsum of him. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even let on that he saw it, but he knows that it was probably hard for you to get. He figures out right then that you’re some kind of fan.

-But he thinks it’s pretty casual, and he’s actually (secretly) a little bit pleased that you admire him so much, especially if you don’t have any other hero merch.

-He doesn’t catch on until much later that you write smut about him.

-Like, he knows that such things exist. It’s just how people are, we all love our fanfic. 

-He doesn’t think much of your writing habits at first, always assumes you’re working on papers or other things for your job. He only starts to get suspicious when he walks in on you one night and you get flustered and slap your laptop closed.

-He’s not gonna pry into your business, but he’s definitely curious. 

-After that incident, you start writing less around him, and he starts to to worry. Like, all he did was walk into the room, but he didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. He’s also a little perturbed that you feel like you have to hide things from him.

-He’ll probably ask you about it within a couple weeks, or rather he’ll tell you that you don’t have to be ashamed of the things you’re working on, no matter what it is.

-And you appreciate the sentiment, but you seriously don’t know what you’d do if your boyfriend realized you write porn about him. Most of it’s fantasies you’ve had about him, but written to cater to all his fans.

-You’re not super possessive of him, so like, you don’t mind that people thirst over him. You know that at the end of the day, you’re the only one who’s got his attention.

-But then you fall asleep on the couch one night. You had intended to just shut your eyes for a moment to give them a break, so you’d left your laptop open and leaned back on the sofa. Shouta wasn’t supposed to be home for another couple hours, so you figured you’d be safe.

-But you end up falling asleep, and he ends up coming home early.

-He thinks you’re cute when he sees you cozied up on the cushions, but he sees that your laptop is about to die. He has no idea where you usually keep the cord, so he...well, his intention is to save whatever documents you were so hard on, so you didn’t lose your progress. But his eyes scan a few lines without thinking, and before long he’s reading through the whole thing.

-Ngl he’s flustered as hell. He’ll never admit it, but the things you’ve written are absolutely filthy. It’s nothing like anything you’ve ever done in the bedroom, which he’s actually grateful for (he doesn’t want his sex life being broadcasted on the internet, even if you do work under an alias), but reading your work is giving him ideas.

-Do you actually want to do things like this with him? Or is it really just a fantasy, a story written to appease other people.

-Of course, he’s also a teacher so he finds himself critiquing your writing style and use of language. It’s actually pretty good writing, however sinful the subject matter.

-He quickly goes to save the document, but right as he does, you stir awake.

-He looks at you, you look at him. You’re sleepy as hell, and he’s pink in the cheeks, and you just know right off the bat that he’s figured you out.

-You immediately hide your face in your hands and mumble out an ‘oh god im sorry you were never supposed to find out’ and he’s like ‘how the hell do i approach this’ because it’s such an embarrassing situation when it’s happening.

-He tells you that it’s okay, he really doesn’t mind that you write stuff like that. And truthfully he doesn’t. Lots of people write works directed at adults, and there’s nothing wrong with it. He’s just....it’s the fact that you’re writing about him. Of all the heroes you could have chosen from, you chose him. To write about, to appreciate, to pursue romantically.

-It���s turns into a mushy moment, because of course you chose him?? He’s kind and smart and loving and he cares a lot about you and other people. Plus he’s handsome as heck.

-You’re both still a little shy about it when you head to bed a few minutes later, but you still cuddle up to him in the dark and rest your head on his chest.

-But right when you think all is said and done, he asks ‘Is any of that stuff something you’d ever want to try?’ and a whole new wave of embarrassment washes over you. Like jesus christ have some tact Shouta.

-Whether or not you guys end up experimenting a little more is up to you, but it definitely feels nice to not have to hide it so much. You’re still a little iffy about actually showing him what you write, but that’s mostly because you’re worried your skills won’t be up to his standards.

YAMADA HIZASHI

-Definitely didn’t know you were a fan of his the first few times you met. You acted so normal around him, like he was just another guy, so he figured he wasn’t on your radar. Which is fine by him, he tries not to pursue fans simply because that attraction might not be genuine, y’know?

-Like, ‘is this person with me because they like the idea of me, or because they actually like me’ sort of thing.

-And you’re not an overzealous fan by any means, but the first time he visits your house he realizes he was mistaken. You have a couple of his collectibles; the nice ones that are tasteful, not the corny ones that are a quick cash grab for companies.

-He’s like ??? you didn’t tell me???

-And you’re like ???no???

-Honest to god you didn’t recognize him at first. You’d been in a dimly lit, high-end club, he’d had his hair down, you’d both had a couple of drinks. He just happened to be a guy that you had some things in common with, who was nice to talk to and who made you laugh.

-It relaxes him a little, knowing that you would have been into him even if he wasn’t a hero and a super popular DJ with a radio show. And by the time he’s coming over to your house, you guys probably know each other pretty well anyways. He’s let you into his life, but you’ve also let him into yours.

-He teasingly asks you if you’ve got any more little secrets (even though this was hardly a secret), and he doesn’t expect when you get flustered af and squeak out a ‘nope, not a single one, no secrets’. But he doesn’t think more of it until much later.

-Like, several months later. After you guys move in together.

-He knows that smut about heroes exists, he knows that there is smut about him, and if I’m being honest he probably reads it for shits and giggles. Never to make fun of anyone, but he’s honestly just curious about what people are writing.

-He notices that you write a lot, too. You never show him anything, and whenever he asks about it you tell him it’s ‘just work’. He wonders what kinds of projects you’re taking on that involve so much typing and concentration, and ngl he’s a little sad that you don’t tell him about it.

-Like, sure maybe it’s just work and you’re not particularly invested in it, but he always talks about his students, and his shows, and the ongoings at his job, he just wants to know more about what you do.

-He is a smart man, but sometimes he has stupid ideas.

-He concocts the wise plan to sneak onto your laptop while you’re in the shower and read your most recent document. Not being wholly nosey, just enough so he can do a little research on the subject and learn more about it. He just wants to know.

-Throws him for one bigass loop when he sees what you are actually working on. He’s no stranger to kinky shit, but his entire face goes beet red, redder than any fanfiction has ever made him.

-Something about that fact that it’s you who wrote this, and you who’re thinking those things about him, entertaining ideas like that. Like yeah, y’all have slept together but he had absolutely no clue you’d even be into stuff like that.

-And sure, you could just be writing things for your fans, but you also seem pretty knowledgeable on the subject so like. You had to have some interest in it, right?

-And now he’s thinking about trying those things out with you, and his pants are just a tad bit tighter than could be considered comfortable.

-He’s so distracted he doesn’t notice the shower turn off, nor does he hear you walk into the room. He does, however, catch your hideously embarrassed squawk.

-Which then makes him flustered, because he got caught, and you’d better pat yourself on the back for that one because you’re one of the only people that can make him embarrassed like that.

-But then he’s trying to explain himself, and you’re trying to explain yourself, and it’s a whole mess of words and burning cheeks and somehow you end up both admitting that the things you write about would be real fun to try.

-Lol you guys probably just end up in bed together after that,

-But despite the initial awkwardness, he’s pretty cool with it. He likes your writing, and how involved you are with the community. It’s also handy for him because it lets him keep an ear to his fans without digging too deep, you always let him know what kind of stuff everyone is up to.

-best use it to your advantage, tell him all kinds of filthy things that you’ve come across, especially if it something you know he’ll like. It’s a sure way to get him in the mood >u>

SASAKI MIRAI|SIR NIGHTEYE

-He’s nonplussed about whether or not you’re a fan at first. He doesn’t pay you much mind until he scopes out your sense of humour, or until you say something offhandedly and it makes him laugh.

-Fan or not, if you’re funny and you vibe with each other, then he’ll show some kind of interest in you. It’ll take a little while to progress to something romantic, but in the meantime you’ve got a nice friend.

-He’s kinda busy, so you probably don’t invite him over to your place until a couple months in. Your schedules are conflicting, and you’ve both got important jobs to do, so it’s probably been pushed back a couple times. But he finally makes it over one evening for a night of relaxing socialization.

-You know him well enough to know that it wouldn’t bug him that you were a fan of him before you met him. He’s not the kind of person to make a big deal about it, not really. He sees a couple pieces of merch around your apartment, just small things -some of which he’s surprised to managed to get a hold of- and he’s like ‘okay’

-Like, he really doesn’t care. As long as you treat him like a person and you’re not using him for anything, then hes just.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-It’s only afteryou start dating and getting close that he teases you a little bit for it. Not in a rude way, just in an ‘aw you sleep with a plushie of me’ way. He does it so he can fluster you and ruffle your feathers in a loving manner.

-After you move in with him, he notes that you’re on your computer a lot. He figures it’s just an overbearing workload that requires a lot of time, so he reminds you whenever he can to take a break and stretch and give your eyes a rest.

-He’d leave it alone mostly, so in order for him to find out that you’re actually writing smut, he’d have to catch you in the act. He comes home early one evening to get a little extra time with you, and he follows the tapping of the keyboard into your office. You haven’t noticed that he’s even there, that’s how focused you are.

-So he sneaks up behind you with the intent to startle you and wrap you up in a hug, but looking over your shoulder he gets a good view of your screen...and the words on the screen...and his name on the screen...

-It takes you a couple seconds to figure out he’s there, which is dumb because he’s literally just frozen over your shoulder going over the sentences you’ve written as his face gets redder and redder.

-Anyways, he still manages to scare you, and you leap out of your seat and fall onto the floor, but instead of hugging you and saying hello like he originally intended, he’s just kind of frozen on the spot with the pinkest cheeks you’ve seen him have.

-He’s a pretty stoic guy most of the time, at least on the outside. It’s really hard to fluster him, because most of your attempts either make him laugh because you’re cute, or result in some really nice romantic time. He’s just. Not really shy about stuff?

-But this is a whole different thing.

-You’re on the floor dying of embarrassment and telling him not to read, but he is Looking and Not Listening. You just seem so innocent and chill about things, he never would have expect something like this from you. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just really surprising.

-Secretly he’s a little bit pleased that you’re writing this kind of stuff about him, and not some other heroes, but he probably won’t say it out loud. Not to mention your writing is actually really good? Like, it flows perfectly and the descriptions are easy to imagine but not super complicated or convoluted.

-He’s a smart guy, and he knows that fans of heroes are into all kind of things, fanfiction included. He’s not offended by it, by any means. He just never supposed that he’d be popular enough to warrant fanfic about him, let alone written by his own partner.

-He tries to be chill about it, asking you if you’re into that kind of stuff and if you should switch it up in the bedroom a bit. It’s pretty obvious he’s flustered tho. 

-It would probably lead to a good long talk about what sort of stuff you’re both into, after the initial embarrassment dies down. And honestly, he’s home early to spend time with you, so why not just try some stuff out right now?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-He would definitely read your fics if you want him to, hell, even if you don’t outright ask him he might seek them out out of curiosity. He’s usually busy in the day, but he’ll find time to read through things and give you honest feedback.

-Lol tho if you’re still shy about it, he might make an account with an alias just so he can give you nice comments. It doesn’t take very long for you to figure him out though. He’s got a very specific typing style and his personality shines through, but only people who know him would recognize it.

-I headcanon this guy as a kinky mf ngl, but also as someone who can go without hardcore stuff, y’know? So whether or not you actually want to try out some of your fantasies is up to you, but he’s 100% down for it.

[mcu-fan-fics-blog]

The Helping Hand

This is a Repost from my Ao3 I wanted to bring it to Tumblr. I hope you like it Its currently 5 chapters I will be uploading the rest throughout the rest of the week.

Word count: 1660 approx

Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.

Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)

Introduction Ch.1

Ch.2

Back Story 

(AU Howard and Maria Stark were not killed by the Winter Soldier.)

Your name is Y/N Krast First Born Daughter of Tony Stark. Sent away by Howard and Maria Stark. You being the result of an unwanted teen pregnancy. You don't know who your mother or father are. Howard Stark secretly kept in contact with you, until he passed.

Howard gave you a comfortable life and a bountiful trust fund that you gained access to on your 18th Birthday also the year he died. You are a Genius having finished college and high school at the same time with a master’s in Computer Engineering with a minor in Biology. 

After Howards’ death, you were lost… you decided to help others. Thinking that maybe that would help you feel a semblance of happiness. You went to the one place you knew people needed help Sokovia. 

You weren't there for long when you realized that you loved being there. The people and the culture were so welcoming and loving… at least towards you. The people definitely had their reservations, but you didn't mind.

You did as much as you could… you lived a simple life. Gave up the luxury in which you were raised and traded it for a small two-bedroom apartment that you shared with a friend who needed help with the rent. You opened a medical facility it was by no means the best but it could do the job. 

You taught people basic medical procedures, not surgery… but everyday accidents and the occasional riot scene. Stitches and patch-up jobs.

"Hey, y/n what do you want me to do with these boxes here?" You look at him confused when you realize what he is holding. 

"Umm… just leave them there I want to go through them before I leave." David gives you a fond look as he moves to sit next to you. "It's crazy to hear you say that… It seems like just yesterday you were that fresh-faced kid trying to help people."

You clear your throat as you see where the conversation is heading. "Don't go getting all sentimental on me… not now David." You give David a reassuring smile, but to your luck, he doesn't buy it. Now looking at you more seriously he says "Y/N it’s ok. We all understand why you're leaving, no one is mad or angry, just sad you will be missed around here."

You feel your eyes start to water and you quickly turn away from David trying to hide your tears to no avail. "It's just that I’m going to miss this too." He holds your shoulders and turns you to face him. He holds your face, the tears building in his own eyes, and pulls you into a hug. 

"You will always be welcome back, you hear me. Now we are both going to stop crying on the count of 3… and were going to pretend that didn't just happen alright." You nod your head slowly agreeing to the terms you collect yourself. What David and you had is the closest thing either of you had to family. He pulled away slowly but determined. 

"Okay, no more sad stuff alright… the town wants to throw you a going-away party. And you can't say no they just want to say goodbye." You sigh a smile slowly forming on your face and agree. After all, it had been two wonderful years in which you found yourself.

You are interrupted when you hear a knock at the door. It was rather startling but you've grown used to it by now. Shortly after the loud bangs, you called knocks you hear the door open and close. "How are my two favorite people in the world doing?"

Vivian or Viv for short. "Just peachy" you reply, hearing her laugh at your snarky reply. "I'm in my room and David went out to get things situated for the party." 

"Oh well, I just came here to… well you know say goodbye. You are my best friend and I will not forget what you did for me and for my family."

You walk out of your room wearing black jeans and a leather jacket. "You know I would do it again in a heartbeat." Viv hums disapprovingly trying to play it off buy fails. "You see that's exactly what I'm afraid of. You jumped into that building because you didn't care if you did. As heroic as it might seem it was suicidal and we both know it."

You stumble looking for the words " I umm… I was there's no point in lying, but it's not like that anymore." She nods subtlely but you see it in her eyes she's relieved. You take the "out" and change the subject. 

"Come on Viv lighten up it's my last night here and we're missing out on my own party." You nudge her and within seconds you get out of your apartment and into the streets that have seen you grow into the person you now are. 

The party was more than you deserved… There were home-cooked meals and homemade desserts. People that you have grown to be acquainted with saying goodbye and wishing you luck. You can't help but thank them all sincerely. Once the party is over you head back home with David taking in the last of your stay here. 

Once in your apartment you hesitate but end up calling David to your room. "I don't know if you noticed but I never unpacked this box. It was Howard's stuff." David's eyes open showing his surprise. "The Howard… why didn't you open it." 

You sigh not knowing exactly why you didn't "Well we're opening it tonight." You make your way to the box and as if you were a wild animal you ravage the package open not realizing how much you actually wanted to open the box. 

As you analyze the things in the box your eyes begin to water. There are pictures and mementos of your greatest moments stored in a single place. There's a picture of when you first met Howard you were 11. You chuckle lightly causing David to Burst out laughing. "I umm… I'm sorry but you were one ugly kid." You playfully slap his arm. 

"I was, wasn't I. Howard saved me you know in this picture I had just gotten out of the worst foster home I'd ever been in." You'd never said much about your time in the system so David let you talk. "They would hit us, starve us, and some were even sexually assaulted." 

David processes what you had just confessed to him realizing that it's probably not even half of what you've been through. "Howard was my saving grace… I was quite the ugly kid inside and out. I was a kid that had no hope in the world, but Howard changed that."

David collects his thoughts and says "I'd say he did a damn good job you brought hope to everyone here… you know kids here aspire to be like you… you are a great role model." You give him a sincere smile and give him a hug. 

"David, I'm going to miss you, but it's time for me to go. Never doubt calling me for anything no matter how big or small. And I hope that you and Viv continue the work in the practice. Also, you know that Viv likes you, give her a chance. I don't want either of you to be alone… be alone together. Also she could help you with the rent of the place." Your say laughing. "Now go to bed and we'll leave early tomorrow."

David chuckles while leaving your room. When you hear his door close you continue looking through the things in the box.

Flashback 

"Krast come downstairs there's someone here to see you." You jump up startled and cautiously make your way downstairs. You hear part of a conversation but don't invest yourself. You're too frightened when you get to where you heard voices there is a man standing there.

"Ah, you must be the young Y/N Krast. How are you, I'm Howard." You don't reply but rather look at Mr. Evans who nods ever so slightly giving you your cue. "I’m doing well." He's silent for a moment then continues "I hear you're quite the genius." You simply nod. When Mr. Evans decides to cut in rather tactlessly. 

"Well, Mr. Howard is here to take you to a new home." You look at him incredulously then turning to Howard and asking him quite bluntly "Are you adopting me?"

Howard simply says "Not exactly, but you will have a family to care for you." The look in his eyes gives you some reassurance. That same afternoon he took you to "your new home." 

You quickly find out what he meant by "Not exactly" while you were living in a better home, you were being raised by employees. Howard would come around every week a couple of times. You both enjoyed each other's company and quickly you grew fond of him.  

"Y/N hurry up we're going to be late" Howard yelled "Yup im coming, you know if you'd given more than a couple hours heads up id be ready." Howard only chuckles and let that comment slide. You both knew that was a lie.

End Flashback 

The morning went by rather quickly. Now you're on the tarmac waiting for your plane to arrive. David was holding your hand while neither of you mentioned it you could not have been more grateful.

"You go and kill em all. Alright I want to see you in a magazine or something. And don't forget to mention me as the greatest inspiration, your daily motivation, and the drive behind you."

You can only chuckle "Those aren't the words I would use to describe you but you are the best." You jug him and wave him off as you board your plane. You cant help but feel guilty as you're currently lying to everyone you care about, but there's no going back now. 

[minervahopebeyond]

Blood Petals.

Hi, everyone! Here is the second chapter. I checked everyting but im sorry if you find any grammatic or vocabulary errors... I hope you like this one! I had a lot of fun writing it..

Chapter 2: Grimmauld Place.

He was the first to get out of there with Sirius and Mr. Potter, they apparated to a house in London. He was still dizzie from the apparition when he saw the little piece of paper that his cousin was showing him.

“The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix can be found at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, London.”

Suddenly a new house appeared in front of them. It was marvelous, Draco had never seen a Fidelius Charm in his life. He smiled a little, ancient magic was so breathtaking.

Sirius opened the door. Inside, the place was disgusting, he could see that the house was once really pretty; but all the expensive furniture were cover up with dust, there was spider webs in the corners of the hallway, it was very dark and it all smelled as if a bloody window hadn’t been opened in ages.

“This place is awful, one would think that you would have a very nice, vanilla smelling, headquarters but no you have this instead.”

It was a joke, really. Apparently he just sucked at not hurting people’s feelings because his cousin had a painful look in his eyes and Mr. Potter was looking at him like he just said a really disrespectful thing.

“I didn’t mean-“

“Don’t worry, little cousin. I know it’s not much but it’s the safest place we had. The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, there’s probably no one that hates it in here as much as I do.”

“I don’t know, Padfoot. I would probably burn it to the ground if I could” Mr. Potter said with a dashing smile. It was really like seeing Potter with brown eyes, the resemblance was uncanny. His appearance was of a twenty-one year old, he came back exactly as he had left, so young but you could see he felt older than that... He had this fatherly thing in his eyes, very fierce and protective look.

Draco saw how Sirius was being pulled into a bone crushing hug. His cousin hugged the other man even tighter while tears started to appeared in his grey eyes. He hided his head in Mr. Potter’s neck, maybe to be closer to him or maybe to stop the tears from coming out completely.

“I missed you every fucking day, James”

His voice was so raw and painful to hear. Draco could not even begin to imagine what would it be to lose someone so close to you. Because maybe for Potter this was an opportunity to finally have a family, but for Sirius it must had been as his wildest dream came to life, after so much pain, so much wait. Because Sirius actually knew what he was missing, without James Potter in his life, Draco could hear it so clearly in those words.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

They heard the rest of the Order arrive. Sirius put distance between them very quickly and tried to clean his tears before anyone could see. It was a lot of people in a hallway so they moved everyone to the kitchen. Apparently only the golden trio were allowed to come into the headquarters, because the other students where nowhere to be found. They all sat at the table; Moody, Professor Lupin, the Weasley’s parents, his cousin, Mr Potter and Nymphadora Tonks. He knew who she was because mother exchanged letters with Aunt Andromeda once or twice a year, and if mother was in a good mood she would let Draco read them with her. This was all behind father’s back of course (Merlin forbid he would let his wife decide if she wanted or not to keep a relationship with her own sister), it was because of this that Draco had learned from a young age that there were things that you weren’t supposed to tell Father, not ever. At the sound of another apparition he frowned. Who else was coming?

“ Where is he? My godson, where is he??”

Oh no. Not good. Aunt Bella always said that Severus wasn’t a loyal follower, he thought she was joking. He stood from his chair quickly and looked frantically for a place to hide. Not good. He thought as he hided under the table, in the end that was opposite to the kitchen door and (this is just a coincidence, he did not do this on purpose) next to Potter’s chair. The prat who live looked down to where he was hiding with as if Draco had utterly lost it.

“Ignore me as always, Potter. Do as you are told just this once.”

He heard him muttered something about how fucking weird this day was and Draco couldn’t agree more. He watched Severus move around the table, even when Draco only could see his legs he noticed he was very pissed off.

“Snivellus, if you are here to make a scene you can just leave.”

“How calm you are, Black. Considering that the thing that’s sitting beside you could be a dark being.”

“Shut it, you greasy git.”

“Sirius, we are all adults here.” That was professor Lupin, of course. He always was kind at Hogwarts, he had understood when Draco didn’t want to face the boggart in third year, just smiled and said that he would give him a paperwork to keep his marks up.

He heard all in the table gasp, the feet of Severus were on duel position and that could just not be. He pushed Potter’s leg with his hand. He always was afraid that even being hateful or defensive that the boy would see through him, notice how his heart beated at any kind of proximity. Draco got up and looked at Severus.

“I’m here.” Severus turned to look at him then.

“You stupid, careless boy. What did you do? Blood magic? You clearly are more brainless than I thought.”

“Nobody knows what you are talking about, Snape. Leave the poor kid alone.” Mr. Potter spoke with such calm and commanding tone, eyes focused only on Severus as he said it. So that was where Potter got he’s morals from.

“I beg you, Potter, do not insult my intelligence. I know for a fact what is my godson capable of. There is no need to hide it” He kept his eyes on Draco then, something shifted in them. He felt guilty instantly, when he accepted, he thought about how two years where enough to get everything settled but now, looking at Severus, he couldn’t imagine saying goodbye. Because he knew he was the only family he had left. “What did you bargain? Please tell me.”

“You know. All you want is for me to confirm it, which I am, confirming it.”

Pain took over his expression, he shook his head and took a deep breath. It was done, no going back, and Severus knew that of course.

“We will find a way. I promess.”

No, they wouldn’t. Potter was unbelievable straight so that meant a sure death. He was fine with it. Poor Severus, though, he didn’t know how terminal this was.

“Why was it him?” Granger asked quietly, and he understood that the question was actually ‘why wasn’t Lily Potter’. She thought it was because of the blood status clearly. How would Draco Malfoy bring a mudblood back to life to be with his son if there was a pureblood option on the table? It was things like this that made him want to be a bad person on bloody purpose. He glared at her. Apparently for a know it all she didn’t have all the answers. Then he said in almost an annoyed tone:

“It’s mandatory to have a blood connection on the ritual, to call for the soul you want. Potters and Malfoys wedded a lot of generations ago. And it’s only one soul per ritual.”

Potter frowned then, like he was thinking of something, plotting. Draco lost his cool at that.

“Don’t even fucking think about it. It’s a soul for a soul. I didn’t just bring your father from the other side to have you sell your soul to save your mother. You can’t have all in life, Potter. Be bloody grateful for what I did and enjoy having both, your father and your godfather in your life once they can clear Sirius name.”

Those piercing green eyes were looking at him, their fights were always so consuming, once they were started they couldn’t stop. Whoever said the most hurtful thing won and he could see in Potter’s eyes that he was determined to win this one. So Draco just stood there, waiting for it.

“Are you actually trying to make me believe that you risked your own pathetic life to bring my father here?” He snorted, mean and so bloody arrogant, Draco could just had punched him in the face.

“Yes.”

“Sure, Malfoy.”

Mr. Potter just stared at his son, then at Sirius as if he was asking what the hell was wrong with him. Why was he like this? But it was expected. Potter spent eleven years of his life not having friends or family, he was fiercely protective of his own because he didn’t have any people for so long and Draco... well, Draco was the big bully that hurt them.

“How are you alive then?”

“Because, Potter, I was given two years to get something impossible to get or else bye bye living realm” He said it with a mocking tone, trying to light the mood. Severus flinched at that and the room went very quiet before exploding with exclamations and questions all at once.

“Are you kidding, kid?”

“What do you have to get?”

“We can help you! You have to tell us!”

“This is exactly why it’s a forbbiden practice. It’s barbarian!”

“Maybe we can fool her? There must be a way..”

“WOULD YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP”

Probably it wasn’t the best way to react to a bunch of worried Gryffindors but Draco prefered to die than be pitied by anyone. He chose this, he was going to fucking own it.

“Thank you for your concern but this is my problem now. I did what I did and there is no solution other than get this stupid thing I have to get.”

“ What did Death asked for?” Of course Weasley was the sentimental of the three of them. As if he cared, he should be bloody happy if ‘the ferret’ ceased to exist.

“I’m sorry. Did something of what I just said made you think that I had any intentions of sharing my disgraces with you, Weasley?”

Potter pulled a face of disgust at that. Good, the balance of nature had been restored at last. Too bad it was going to kill Draco. He thought that he should start a list of ‘must do’ before he dies. The good thing about knowing that you are going to die it’s that nothing matters as much, no repercutions, no guilt.

“Black, could Draco stay here? He clearly can’t go back to the Manor and he can’t stay at my house because it would blow my cover.”

“Excuse you? I’m not staying in the same roof as the prat who lived, Severus. Stop saying nonsense.”

“Well, you should have thought about that before you did this. I don’t have a choice and you don’t either.”

Potter looked alarmed. He searched for his godfathers eyes trying to say that ‘No, he is not staying here, no bloody way’ And Draco couldn’t agree more. But apparently they were the only ones with logic in the headquarters because Sirius called the house elf and instructed him to fix his cousin a bedroom as well as one for Harry and James too. Before he could complain about the situation Mr. Potter looked at him with warm eyes and said:

“It’s the least that we can do. You can’t imagine how grateful I am for what you did. I understand if you don’t want help with whatever you have to look for... But if you change your mind I’ll be glad to help.” And what was Draco supposed to say to that, he only nodded and muttered a ‘thank you’.

Draco found himself later that night, in the room that used to belong to Regulus Arcturus Black, looking at the enchanted ceeling full of stars. Wondering if when the time comes, the day that he joins Death at the other side, if he could ask to be a star instead of a wandering soul. It felt more soothing to be a shinning star than wait in the afterlife until his love ones join him, like Mr. Potter had done. He was more selfish than that, clearly. Maybe he could be a shooting star and fly across the night sky... it would be as if everyday was a quidditch game at night, he would chase the other stars as if they were snitches... He slowly closed his eyes and let himself fall sleep.

Comment, like or reblog if you like it, please! I will be updating the 3rd chapter soon as I can. You can also find me in AO3 as MinervaHope. Thank you for readind!!

[fluffyheretic]

I’m so fucking tempted to say “every single question with Kazushuu or Hitoshuu (except for the nsfw ones i guess)” But I don’t want to singlehandedly kill you

ok let’s do it

as a side note sometimes the answer is the same or similar for both ships just bc shuu is uh. the same person. but ofc not always

under cut for lengthhhh

1. Who makes the first move and how?

hitoshuu: normally im gonna say definitely hitori. he probably decides to be direct and just straight up ask. in iwasweetie au specifically tho i want it to be sweetie if only bc i need to make him get over his shit. he also asks “directly” but it actually involves a lot of stuttering and beating around the bush so it ends up not being very direct

shuukazu: im not sure if it would really be one of them specifically, i can see them as the “this kind of just happened” couple. maybe kazuaki is the one after several months whos like “so um… what are we…. lol………..”

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

hitoshuu: shuu, not that hitori is the paragon of confidence but shuus like “wtf hes the ideal young man and im Bastard Supreme but ok i guess”

shuukazu: BOTH LMAO but kazu is more vocal abt it and shuu is the Bottle Up EVERYTHING type

some good ol body positivity cuddle sessions work in both cases

3. Who is the most romantic?

anyone but shuu for obvious “i dont even know what feelings ARE” reasons

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

again anyone but shuu for obvious “i dont even know what intimacy IS” reasons but specifically hitori is just more confident and kazuaki isnt necessarily confident but is more just. shameless

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

not shuu for similar reasons as above. there’s a trend here, you see

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome?

THIS is a CHRISTIAN blog

7. What do they get up to on a night out?

hitoshuu: going to dinner at a place thats nice but not TOO nice. like good comfortable atmosphere and good food but not posh

shuukazu: they probably just wander around, maybe go shopping, kazuaki keeps pointing out stuff he wants and dr iwamine “i dont know what to do with my money bc i dont want for material things” shuu just buys it for him. shuu please stop enabling him. stop it.

8. What do they like in bed?

hitoshuu: cuddling :)

shuukazu: snuggling :)

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

i feel like shuu considers every single new couple-y thing he does to be the new most embarrassing thing he’s done. we’re holding hands? embarrassing. i kissed you? god now THATS embarrassing. you caught me wearing your sweater that you accidentally left at my place? well put me in the fucking ground thats literally the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to anybody. how dare i show sentimentality. despicable

kazuaki is similar in that he’s constantly one-upping himself and getting a NEW most embarrassing thing but his things include stuff like getting caught watching really strange anime and scream-singing pop songs and anime OPs in the shower

hitori probably like tripped on the sidewalk once

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

these questions are difficult bc man idk what media exists in 2188 bird japan

11. What do they hide from one another?

in both cases shuus answer is “just about everything” hes terrified of the mortifying ordeal of being known. pretty much everything you learn about him has to be squeezed out

hitori hides how troubled he really is because he wants to seem like the responsible one everyone can depend on so that they dont have to worry about him. he does his best to hide when hes struggling but since shuu has that exact same impulse they pretty quickly start to see through each other, but are also very understanding about it.

kazuaki probably doesnt have as much to hide but he might be shy about portraying how REALLY in love with shuu he is too soon because he doesnt want to scare him away. he also hides the weirder shows and games and stuff that hes into lol

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

hitoshuu: i can see them having that kind of relationship where at first its casual and almost competitive in a way, like a “i think youre sexy and the only thing i know to do about it is see what i can do to make you flustered, then act smug when i succeed” thing. but over time when the novelty of that starts to wear off they both kinda realize they just straight up like each other and start being more genuine and soft.

shuukazu: again its a similar thing with shuu where he starts feeling more comfortable with letting himself be a little more genuine and START opening up. kazuaki picks up on this as a good sign and starts to worry less about trying to impress shuu and more just enjoying their time together.

13. When do they realize they should get together?

this is another one that i think is a similar answer in both cases, at least for shuu’s part he has a “dammit. i cant lose him” moment. since hes a person of very few words he tries to communicate “i want us to be serious” via letting down his walls a little bit, which hitori/kazuaki hopefully notice is happening and then are like “oh maybe we can work”

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

for shuu and hitori its “responsibly take care of you, bc its what i should do but also secretly i get STRESSED AS FUCK when someone i care about is sick so i gotta make sure youre okay”

for kazuaki its “take care of you, although i dont really know what im doing, also i thought since youre bedridden we could cuddle but its not as enjoyable as i wanted so like I’m Here but also im gonna watch tv okay? ill get u crackers and ginger ale”

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

hitoshuu: shuu’s gonna say he doesn’t care, but hitori also doesn’t really care so eventually he’ll get shuu to admit that he’d like to watch a nature documentary. especially if it’s marine-themed. hitori likes that too so hey there you go

shuukazu: shuu WILL watch the 76th pokemon movie OR ELSE

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

hitoshuu: both are cutthroat bastards that do anything it takes to keep each other safe. their reliance and trust in each other is probably 99% of what keeps them going.

shuukazu: again shuus gonna do literally anything it takes to keep kazuaki safe, but to be real i dont know if kazuaki is making it out of this one. and if he doesnt then shuus not either.

17. When they find a time machine, where do they go?

shuu’s answer is going to be at various points in prehistory to study organisms that are now long-extinct (side note god thats definitely my answer too). his bf is worried abt the dangers but comes with him to make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.

i think hitori might not have anything specific in mind but going to historical sites in their heydays seems like a good choice.

since kazuaki likes literature he’d probably want to see historical stuff related to that, like seeing shakespeare plays when they first came out and meeting his favorite dead authors to ask them questions.

18. When they fight, how do they make up?

hitoshuu: hitori doesn’t like to dance around that kind of thing, after a little time has passed for them to both think about it then he’ll just be direct and say “hey lets talk about that thing that happened” if he feels he was in the wrong then he’ll then follow that up with an apology. i can see hitori being a little grudgy but then quickly getting tired of it and just wanting things to be resolved. shuu hates talking things out because hes bad at it but he knows its best so he’ll just try to explain how he felt at the time but also what he’s considered since then. even if he’s not good at explaining himself, hitori is good at understanding him anyway so they usually work it out pretty quickly.

shuukazu: they can be messier since kazuaki gets really emotional really quickly and sometimes says things he doesnt mean. theyre both bad at dealing with it afterwards though until after a few awkward days, kazuaki cant take it and is like “waaa i dont want us to be fighting anymore 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺” and shuus like “ok.” because yeah he’ll take the easy way out. they could probably improve their communication tbh

19. Where do they go on their first date?

hitoshuu: they probably decide to do something simple and casual to make it less awkward so they just get coffee. shuu feels like, from what he knows, that he should be expecting hitori to make a move on him. hitori doesnt because he wants to be considerate of shuus comfort level, but shuu takes it as a sign of disinterest. luckily shuu realizes hes wrong about that when hitori quickly invites him on Another date where they take a stroll in the park, and thats when hitori goes in for the tactical hand-hold maneuver.

shuukazu: kind of the opposite of hitoshuu in that they dont really declare it officially as a date. kazuaki just asks shuu if he wants to see a movie with him, not really calling it a date but kind of implying it to be one. shuu probably doesnt care about the movie but thinks this might possibly maybe be a date so he should go. kazuaki then uses it as a chance to Put On The Movies, as awkward as that might be, including the classic “stretch with my arms up and then let one down over your shoulders” move. shuu doesnt really know how to indicate his own interest in response but hopes the fact that hes also not complaining in any way gives a hint. despite it not REALLY being an official date at the time, later on theyll look back on it and decide that yeah that was their first date.

20. Where do they go on holiday?

shuu hates taking time off work, but if he must, then he’ll be content as long as theres something scientifically interesting there like a museum or an aquarium.

hitori doesnt really mind where they go, hes just grateful to get to go on holiday at all, so he’ll let shuu pick. and again, that’s going to be somewhere with a natural history museum, probably a very nice one and they’ll both enjoy it.

kazuaki is similar in that he’s just happy to be there but his ideal holiday destination is probably just…. akihabara. so shuu relents and goes there with him occasionally. kazuaki does like to visit aquariums with shuu though! they do both

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

hitoshuu: the cemetery, at least at first when they arent used to being that vulnerable in front of each other

shuukazu: well shuu sure as shit is nervous about going to anime cons with kazu

22. Where does their first kiss happen?

in both cases, definitely at one of their homes, because shuus too much of a wreck to have a moment like that in a public place.

for shuukazu, i picture it that theyre just hanging out at kazuakis place and relaxing, and they end up cuddling a lot, and kazuaki kisses him kind of impulsively. hes then very apologetic about it before shuu manages to assure him that its fine.

hitoshuu, maybe hitori walks shuu home after a date and goes for the classic end of date goodbye kiss, but just on the cheek. then when once again hitori has walked shuu home, shuu wonders if he should expect a real kiss this time, but hitori goes for the cheek again. shuus disappointed and grabs hitoris sleeve before he turns away because he doesnt know how to say he wants more. but hitori takes the hint and kisses him for real this time.

23. Where is their favorite place to be together?

in both cases it’s at home, because shuu finds it much easier to be intimate when they’re in privacy. i think all three of them really appreciate just getting to relax together.

24. Where do they first have sex?

what did i say about this being a christian blog

25. Why do they fight?

usually its because shuu said something a little too tactless. hes not so clueless that he’ll say something really obviously offensive, but sometimes he really doesn’t know what’s too much. but his bf is hopefully understanding of this and corrects him Still Firmly but still with some “but i know you didnt mean it like that, we’re okay” way, because chances are he really didnt.

for hitoshuu specifically, hitori has to be on shuu about eating properly and can sometimes get kind of annoyed about it. shuus kneejerk reaction is to then be offended because hes an adult who can take care of himself. but they calm down and make up when shuu remembers that hitori just worries for him, and hitori remembers that shuu doesnt not eat just to spite him.

for shuukazu, i can see kazuaki’s lack of responsibility and aloofness start to get on shuu’s nerves, and when he brings it up kazuaki thinks he’s just being mean. again, similarly to hitoshuu, they get over it when kazuaki reminds himself that shuu wants him to be able to take care of himself, and shuu reminds himself as well that he can be too abrasive and should work on it.

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat?

hitoshuu: they dont have to right away but over time it would be good for them to be honest abt their respective traumas and the shit theyre dealing with instead of hiding it

shuukazu: similar, shuu should probably get around to being more open abt his shit. they might also want to have a talk abt what a serious relationship is gonna look like for them

27. Why do their friends get annoyed with them?

hitoshuu: i answered this already! but again, its bc theyre so ~responsible~

shuukazu: ppl either see kazuaki being super clingy and think “man hes so overbearing, his poor partner 😒” or see shuu being emotionless and think “man theyre so cold, their poor boyfriend 😒” actually they gotta mind their own damn business

28. Why do they get jealous?

hitoshuu: i feel like hitori actually gets hit on a pretty decent amount. shuu is never happy about it, but the death glares he starts sending usually scare the person off anyway

shuukazu: both of them think the other is too good for them so if anyone looks at them with even a little too much interest the other is immediately like “well i guess this is it”

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

hitoshuu: little moments shuu loves is when hitori asks him how he is, how he slept. when he makes him dinner. hitori loves when shuu looks deep in thought, tucks his hair behind his ear, and he definitely likes to see him get along with nageki, which he does.

shuukazu: shuu loves when kazuakis eyes light up with excitement when he sees something he likes, especially when shuu realizes that hes one of those things too. he also loves kazuakis really nice hugs, especially when shuu just woke up from a nightmare. kazuaki loves how shuu listens to him intently, and asks questions about the things hes interested in, and sometimes rests his hand on him when hes getting tired.

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

hitoshuu: both are important figures in each other’s lives, obv shuu helped nageki but also hitori is probably the first person to get even a little close to shuu after ryuuji died. theyre both just pockets of trauma but are doing their best so it would be good for them to support each other and try to heal. theyre both pretty dependable so when the going gets tough they’re each other’s rocks

shuukazu: theyre definitely the “it will never work” couple that ends up working anyway. shuu might think kazuaki is annoying at first but if ryuuji is any indication shuu definitely seems to gravitate towards people who are more chill and even a little silly, and when shuu realizes that kazuaki isnt as dumb as he makes himself seem that helps a lot. for kazuaki shuu definitely has a ~mysterious~ aspect that draws him in initially but when it wears off as he learns more about shuu, instead of the magic being gone he just starts finding him more relatable and endearing so their relationship actually improves.

[flaringabyss-blog]

[[it’s been a very long time huh, I know I disappeared from the rping scene without a word and I’m sorta,,,sorry about that I just don’t have my heart here anymore it’s been a great time while it lasted but sometimes you just gotta let go of things right? Ahhh I believe my personality has gotten a bit rotten lately but I just saw something that made me really nostalgic about the times I’ve spent on my multiple blogs back then (despite abandoning them) so I just want to say thank you to all of you for making my time rping enjoyable and please feel free to talk to me anytime on my personal (I sorta...dropped skype too bc it got hacked, I changed the password and all too but it’s been iffy lately and annoying) But yeah really thanks to all of you those that talked to me that became my friend in the time and I’m...sorry that I disappeared without a word sorta have a bad record of doing that all the time)

Grateful to all of you and I hope we can keep in touch sometimes too,,Thanks everyone from this small tiny, Duckii]]

[niel-trbl]

My Favourite Cup Noodles

Note: (very odd title i know) this was written some time ago when I managed to catch one of his solo lives and I think it was when he talked about their song Insomnia. I wrote this purely based on that brief memory so if there’s any mistakes, please just look past it im sorry (/ω＼) anw, hope you enjoy reading this one!

In this world, everyone is assigned a lifetime partner, whom they can identify by the little sign on their body - a tattoo. However it wasn’t the same for everyone. For some, it could be a tattoo of their partner’s favourite thing in the world. For others, it could be a tattoo of the name of the place where they would meet them. Or even the first sentence being exchanged with their partner.

For you, it was just a little tattoo of cup noodles that decorated the back of your arm with the words you should try this one circling around it. You weren’t sure what significance it brings to you, apart from the fact that it is your absolute favourite cup noodle brand. But one thing for sure was that cup noodles were probably an essential in your life, considering your work life.

Just because you were idol, doesn’t mean you hold back on the cup noodles. In fact they were your company whenever you stayed up late to work - which were very frequent due to your insomnia. As a result of that, you did a lot of live broadcasts as well. That night(morning) was no different.

“Hi everyone! For today’s broadcast, I want you guys to share with me your favourite songs and I’ll play them,”

So you went on with the broadcast - getting recommendations, sharing stories and answering questions.

“Please get some sleep - yes I do get lots of sleep. Don’t worry but thank you for your concern guys. Actually speaking of that, I have a song in mind,” with a quick search on your desktop, Stray Kids’ Insomnia started playing from the speakers.

Before you got too carried away by the song, you slowly lowered the volume after the chorus ended. You then explained about why you recommended the song.

“It’s not that I am too busy or don’t want to sleep. It’s just that… I find it hard to sleep? The moment I close my eyes, all I can think about is what happened in the day, what am I gonna do tomorrow and I just end up creating scenarios in my head. I initially thought I was the only one who experience this. That is until I came across this song! If I’m not wrong, Bang Chan-nim too experienced the same thing. So it’s somewhat nice to know that I’m not the only one,”

You felt a little vulnerable talking about it live because it was something only you and close friends who knew about. You’ve told a few others about it but they never understood it and immediately dismissed it as you not wanting to sleep. But when you knew about a fellow artist (Bang Chan) who also experience and shared the same sentiments about it, you felt at ease. It was nice to know that you weren’t alone. A part of you wished your potential soulmate would be as understanding and also help you through it.

“Are you and Bang Chan friends? Oh no no, we’ve met on shows but never got the chance to talk. I do listen to Stray Kids and 3RACHA a lot and really like their music,”

After that broadcast, you started getting a lot of comments and messages from STAYs, thanking you for liking their music and even started gaining more fans. You never thought much of it but you were grateful that more people know you and are a fan of your works.

Just like the week before, you decided to do another live broadcast. This time you were surprised that there were even more people tuning in to your live.

“Bang Chan recommended your songs during his live the other day! He did? Wow, thank you so much Bang Chan-nim for listening and recommending my songs!”

Slowly, it started becoming a cycle of both of you recommending each other’s songs during your respective lives. Sadly since you weren’t doing any promotions, you weren’t able to meet Bang Chan in person. You didn’t know anyone who knew his contact details either so your chances of befriending him were low. If you could contact him in any way, you wanted to thank him for giving your music a chance.

It was one of those nights as usual - you had trouble sleeping. There was nothing you wanted from the company vending machine so you opted for the convenience store. You were feeling a little adventurous that night so you decided to make your way to the other store that was further down the street, just out of curiousity.

You stood at the cup noodle aisle, deciding which one would be your company for the night. Even though you always pick the same one (your absolute favourite), you just do it out of habit.

“You should try this one,” you saw a hand extending out towards you, presenting your favourite cup noodles.

“That’s my favourite!” you said, almost too enthusiastically.

The moment you turned to see who it was, you were shocked. You can’t believe out of all the places, you actually finally met Bang Chan!

“OMG BANG CHAN! I mean, hello Bang Chan-nim,” you quickly greeted him.

“Oh no no just call me Chan! So wanna have some ramen with me?” he offered in which you cocked your head to the side.

The Bang Chan wants to eat with you? Is this even real? He wants to eat with someone like you? You don’t think you’re cool enough to even hang out with him.

“AH! I didn’t mean it that way! I’m so sorry! I just- AH IM SO SORRY!” his face went super red.

“OH no no it’s okay! You want to... eat with me? Really? If you aren’t busy or anything,”

With that, both of you sat by the window in the store. Even though you’ve never talked to one another before, it felt very comfortable. Maybe it was because both of you listened to each other’s music. Maybe it was how Chan makes you feel comfortable. The way he patiently listens to your stories and never pushes you to tell him things that you didn’t feel like talking about. He had this aura that made you feel at ease, which weirdly made you want to drift to sleep as well. Not to say that he was boring or anything, but he somehow makes your mind rid of your worries and feel peaceful.

“So what are you doing here at this hour?” he suddenly asked.

“Probably the same reason why you are here too,”

“Can’t sleep?”

“So tell me,” you sang in the tune of Stray Kids’ Insomnia.

You really wanted to facepalm yourself in that moment. You can’t believe you did that, right in front of him! Thankfully, Chan was nice enough to laugh it off and play along. He was really nice. After that meal, both of you exchanged numbers to talk more before parting ways. You slowly made your way back to the company studio with a bag of cup noodles for your sound engineer who texted you earlier, asking you to get one for him.

“Dude, guess who I met just now?” you removed your jacket after handing him the cup noodles.

“The president? What, I told you to get my favourite!”

“They didn’t have it at the other store. Anyway, I finally met Chan! As in Stray Kids’ Bang Chan,”

“Really? Come to think of it, I’ve worked with Chan before. Really talented kid and really nice,” he went ahead and prepared the cup noodles anyway.

“Yeah he’s really nice!” even before he could eat the noodles, you grabbed it the moment it was ready.

“Yah you had yours already! Did you just get your tattoo done or something? It’s so red,”

You quickly looked at the back of your arm, where your soulmate tattoo was at. The skin around it was pretty red but what was different was the change in colour. Your tattoo had always been in black but now, the cup noodle is in red and the text around it had a red rim. Why did it just change though?

“It’s my soulmate tattoo! It changed though, it used to be all black remember? Why did it change?” you asked as he examined it in detail.

“Hmm… Maybe you met soulmate somehow today?”

You looked at your tattoo again. You should try this one - for some reason, it kept ringing in your head. Did you hear this somewhere? Did someone said this to you today?

“You can finish the cup noodles, I don’t want it anymore,” he said before leaving the studio.

The cup noodles! Bang Chan! He said “you should try this one” while holding that exact cup noodle! Wow, is Chan really your soulmate? Is he really the other half to your cup noodle soulmate tattoo?

In that moment, you had received a text from Chan, along with a photo. It was a photo of the back of his arm, showing a tattoo of cup noodles in red, with the text that’s my favourite circling around it. It was almost like yours.

“I think we need to talk. Another round tomorrow with your favourite cup noodles?” he texted.

Of course, you said yes.

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job. 

[ravennest1342-blog]

Bts Hybrid AU

Bunny Breath Chapter 1

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Kim Namjoon’s day started out normally enough. The twenty-five year old woke in his room with one of his five hybrids wrapped so tightly around him he could barely breath.

Said hybrids name was Yoongi, and he was a mink hybrid. Namjoon squirmed a bit helplessly as he struggled to reach his blaring alarm clock with the numbers 5:30 proudly displayed on it. Yoongi snarled ever so lightly in his sleep as Namjoon squirmed away, his arms tightening around Namjoon as the man finally turned off the dreadful little clock with a slight wheeze from the increased pressure. He blinked sleepily, his breathing harsh as he looked down at his chest to see the mink hybrid he so adored.

Yoongi was tiny, he had a thin, wiry frame that had alarming amounts of strength hidden in the lean muscles. His face was dainty; almost doll like with pouty pink lips and a button nose paired with cat like eyes. Fluffy dark brown — almost black — hair stuck out from his head in a messy way with two tiny dark brown mink ears sticking from them. Namjoon smiled. Anyone looking at Yoongi would think he looked delicate and breakable, his slight build implying that he wasn’t very powerful, especially when compared to Namjoon’s other hybrids Jin or Jimin with their thicker builds. But Namjoon new the whiplike strength, and lightning reflexes his hybrid possessed, he knew that behind those pouty lips, was razor sharp canines — almost fangs — designed to rip and tear into flesh. He knew that the minks dark brown tail with thick fur was there to help the hybrid balance better, move faster.

“Yoongi.” Namjoon breathed softly. “I have to . . . get ready for work.” He wheezed out the last part in a high pitched noise as Yoongi’s grip tightened to the point of pain, nails digging into Namjoon’s hip and chest.

“No.” The hybrid snarled, voice thick with sleep. “You’re staying home with us today.” He growled, lashes fluttering open to reveal dark onyx black eyes. God, Yoongi is so beautiful. Namjoon thought with a sigh.

“I have to Yoongi, there’s an important meeting this morning discussing our new phone prototype and at lunch I have to meet up with Jaebum to discuss the auction he’s scouting out tonight.” He sighed. Yoongi pouted, aggression seemingly disappearing. Namjoon gave him a suspicious look as he withdrew his grip. Yoongi tried to keep him home every morning like this, he set his alarm an hour earlier than needed because of the mink.

“Fine. But you brought this on yourself.” The mink smirked playfully, his tail wrapping neatly around himself as he moved to sit Indian style and drew in a deep breath. Too late Namjoon realized what was happening he surged forward with a yelp but Yoongi had already opened his mouth and screamed.

“NO NAMJOON!! YOU CANT GET A SNAKE HYBRID!!” His voice was modeled with the perfect mixture of horror and terror at the thought of a snake hybrid and as they heard several faint yelps from down the hall, an evil smirk ripples across Yoongi’s face, the sound of running feet reaching their ears and then the bedroom door was practically ripped open.

The two hybrids that raced in were in near hysterics, full on sobbing as they rushed at a stunned Namjoon, slamming into him and knocking the man flat on his back, one hybrid had soft golden brown/russet hair and long deer ears, his body was thin and graceful with a fluffy deer tail that was white on the underside. The other hybrid had floppy golden/brown dog ears with a long tail with equally long fur, he was more gangly, but his face had almost perfect proportions. Both hybrids clambered onto Namjoon, openly wailing as they pressed against him.

“Joonie! No no nonononono!” Hoseok, the deer hybrid cried harshly, sniffling dramatically as he nuzzled into Namjoon’s side while Taehyung, a dog hybrid, straddled his hips, frantically pushing himself against Namjoon’s chest, he too was a sobbing mess.

“I won’t mi-misbehave ever again J-Joonie! Swear! I’ll even apol *hic* ogize for l-locking Jimin outside f-for four ho-hours and . . . laughing at him!” He cried. Namjoon sighed, glaring at a grinning Yoongi, who’s eyes were sparkling with unbridled humor and joy at the situation before him. This was going to be a long morning.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Namjoon was an hour and a half late for work. He really didn’t understand why Taehyung and Hoseok were so strongly against snake hybrids and figured he’d have to ask them at some point, but he barely made it to his meeting on time and all thoughts of his hybrids and worries that they might be slightly racist towards other hybrids were driven from his mind as he tackled the obstacles of his day.

He was obscenely grateful for the fact that everyone at his job respected him. If they didn’t Namjoon was well aware that his job would be a million times harder than it was. Technically, he didn’t even have to show up everyday, his company was so well oiled and staffed he should only have to drop in once a month. But he liked to make a point of going everyday, knowing all his workers names, everyone, even the intern that sorted mail in the mail room. His name was Junhwan (if this is the name of an idol, I didn’t mean to) and he was actually a brilliant artistic kid that Namjoon was thinking about putting in software design once he’d been in the company for a couple more weeks.

As it was, he still had a lot of stuff to do, departments to check up on, problems to sort out. So Namjoon was thrilled when lunch arrived and he got to go meet up with his good friend Im Jaebum. A hybrid doctor, one that was insanely good at his job. Namjoon had known him for a while, having met the other man when he was still an intern and had brought Yoongi who was . . . sick at the time.

He groaned as he made his way to the small cafe on the edge of Seoul. It was a tiny place, but it had the best sandwiches in the world. He arrived a few minutes late, so it wasn’t a surprise that Jaebum was already there and waiting. Namjoon smiled as he made his way over.

“How’s Jackson?” He demanded. His usual greeting. Jackson was a wolf hybrid that Jaebum had rescued from an abusive owner, Namjoon really liked the playful hybrid and he was good friends with Yoongi.

“Still shook by everything Mark does. I thought a wolf and a dove would be ok around each other but Jackson always looks so shocked at everything Mark does.” Jaebum smiled slightly, thinking of the playful turtleneck dove hybrid with a grin. Namjoon went to reach for the menu as he sat, when Jaebum waved him off.

“I already ordered for you. The usual, with a large watermelon juice.” Jaebum grinned widely at the surprised look on Namjoon’s face. The two talked for a few more minutes, both dancing around the real reason they were meeting up for as they waited for their food. Namjoon was just beginning to portray his confusion and worry about how much his hybrids hated snake hybrids when there food came.

Both men graciously thanked the waiter while Jaebum grinned a bit at Namjoon.

“It’s Hoseok and Taehyung that get really worried about it right?” He demanded. Namjoon nodded emphatically. “It’s because snake hybrids are oviparous.” He grinned at Namjoon’s confused look, before waving a hand and leaning back. “Look it up later. Right now, we have a problem.” He sighed.

“What? Did Chen switch auction sights? What’s wrong?” Namjoon demanded, straightening up. Jaebum shook his head, eyes downcast as he tapped his cup.

“No. Chen is auctioning off two hybrids this time. Not one. And again, it’s going to be after all the normal guests have left and only the . . . questionable ones remain.” Namjoon cursed. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem. Jaebum could easily afford two hybrids, he could probably buy up to twenty of them. The problem was, at these types of auctions you were only allowed one. And Namjoon couldn’t call anyone last minute like this, everyone would be booked. Which left him. He could see on Jaebum’s face that the other man fully expected him to come. Namjoon winced slightly.

“I promised Yoongi I would have a thorough talk with everyone before I rescued another hybrid.” He mumbled. Jaebum laughed, leaning back.

“And that very same day he called Jackson and called you the cutest dork in the history of dorks and said and I quote ‘Namjoon is lead by his heart. I can’t wait until I see who he brings home this time. But the sentiment was nice.’” Namjoon blinked owlishly, he supposed he should be offended by his boyfriends complete lack of faith in him, but wasn’t he proving him right? Here he was, about to go and get another hybrid from the brink of a truly horrible fate.

“Wow.” He snorted, Jaebum leaned forward expectantly and Namjoon grumbled, rolling his eyes as he pulled out his phone. “At least let me call him, Jesus, I should at least pretend that I feel guilty.” He grumbled. Jaebum smiled. The phone was barely ringing for ten seconds before a happy voice chirped out.

“Joonie! Joonie are you coming home? When? Can I have some strawberries?” It was Hoseok. Namjoon blinked before snorting.

“Um, no I’m not coming home just yet Hobi.” A faint whine of protest. “And ask Jin about the strawberries. Also, may I talk to Yoongi please?” He smiled. Jaebum grinned across the table. There was a small huff of disappointment and some shuffling before Yoongi’s soft yet deep voice filtered through the phone.

“You’re going with Jaebum to the auction aren’t you?” Then before Namjoon could even draw in a breath to answer the mink hybrid continued in his perpetually bored voice that he always used over the phone. “Are we going to have another housemate by tonight? Do I need to arrange for Taehyung to stay over at Minho’s for a sleepover? You remember how much he scared Jimin right?” Namjoon blinked once again, carefully filing each question and processing them before answering.

“Hmm, yes I am going to the auction and maybe about the new house member, no to Taehyung though, I think he’s resolved his impulse issues a bit.” Hearing Yoongi’s quiet snort of derision he sighed. “Give Tae the benefit of the doubt, Yoons.”

“Namjoon I love him to the moon and back and literally every time I see him I just want to kiss his little face until he’s very red, but he has no impulse control whatsoever.” Hearing Namjoon’s silence Yoongi groaned. “Fine! But if he traumatizes the poor hybrid I’m blaming you.” Namjoon laughed softly at him, Tae alwaysmeant well, the dog hybrid could just come off a bit strong.

“You do that. I love you Yoongi, tell the others I love them with all of my heart yeah?” A lot of stammering ensued and Namjoon grinned, knowing fully that he had probably just seriously flustered Yoongi (casually saying I love you over the phone always seemed toget to the mink hybrid) and he barely made out the mumbled reply of “Wh-whatever dork.” Before Yoongi hung up. Namjoon sat the phone down with another fond smile and began casually sipping on his tea lost in thought about the new hybrid and puzzling over what type of stuff he’d need for him/her when Jaebum spoke.

“So your coming?” He demanded. Namjoon nodded. “Great, I’ll pick you up at six p.m. sharp so don’t be late, dress casual but in obviously expensive clothes. You know the drill.”

Indeed Namjoon did.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

— 7:00 PM —

The auction began like any other auction fe rich people looking for a cute hybrid. Namjoon and Jaebum, both dressed in plain yet elegant suits were lead to their specific table in a wide well furnished room with a lovely stage that sellers would bring the hybrids out on to auction. No alcohol was given out, as that was highly illegal. Namjoon knee it would be served once the main guests were gone and the front of the auction was over allowing nastier people to come out and sell. Only a select few would be allowed to stay for that and Namjoon and Jaebum were of those few.

The first Hybrid was a a child. She looked around five or six, which meant she was three in human years, and she was a canary hybrid. Her master forced her to sing in a beautiful high pitched tinkling voice that would only get better with age. She sold for four million won.

After her came a bear, then a cow, then a lizard. All of them began to blend together and it wasn’t until he was signing his papersthat said he would remain anonymous that Namjoon knew the true event was starting. He sighed the paper without fear. Knowing full and well that Jaebum’s friend who went by Woozi, had hacked in and changed two or three words in the packet so that he could safely audio record.

He waited. Chen was one of the more known Hybrid Slave traffickers, he would be showing his hybrids close to last if not last. Namjoon just had to survive this and then he’d be able to bury these bastards. He took a deep breath and forced himself to watch as a small male badger hybrid was dragged in chains onstage with a heavy collar and forced to neel. He blocked out what the salesman was saying, instead focusing on those pitiful brown eyes and the watery nose. Forcing himself to commit the hybrid to memory. The one that he wouldn’t be saving tonight. The police would hopefully find him by tomorrow evening after Jaebum and Namjoon turned in their work. But it still hurt, watching the badger let loose a choked cry as he was bought by a hybrid breeder. Submissive males were always swooped up like that.

He forced himself to watch and remember each hybrid, each face. Each perfectly innocent person, not quite human not quite animal forever abused. He was infinitely relieved when it was announced.

“Next up is Chen with a submissive Arctic fox hybrid.” The announcer bragged. A tiny fox with large doe eyes was dragged up on stage by the man Namjoon so loathed and he barely heard Jaebum whisper, “I got him.” beside him through the raging in his ears and cottony taste in his mouth. Unlike the other hybrids the fox looked not scared, but tired. Defeated almost. As if he didn’t have any hope or joy left in his life.

He slumped quietly, ears twitching and flicking back and forth, his hair was a soft brown and thin, as was his tail. Namjoon knew that come winter the arctic foxes hair and fur would be a lot thicker and shimmering white. He could feel Jaebum continuously raising his sign signifying that he was a competitor. It upped the agression for the hybrid and made more people bet, which in turn, drove up the numbers. But eventually Jaebum was the only one left betting with another man.

He got the fox hybrid for ten million won. Namjoon’s eye twitched at the way the fox closed his eyes and shuddered slightly before dipping his head as Jaebum made his way back to where he would be filling out official documents and inserting an ownership identification chip into the hybrid. Namjoon wouldn’t do the chip part until he got the hybrids explicit consent. Consider it a pet pieve but if the hybrid he was about to get wanted to leave Namjoon would let him. He would only own a hybrid that gave him consent to being owned.

Chen himself took the microphone from the announcer this time.

“This next Hybrid is my work of art people. His parents were a dominant male black mamba hybrid and a submissive Red Rex female bunny hybrid.” Namjoon blinked in confusion. “As you all are probably well aware, breeding to hybrids with different sub base animals results in a hybrid that looks strange when compared to other hybrids of his kind, whether it be mismatched eyes or strange animal features. Please bring out Jeongguk, submissive male bunny hybrid mix breed!” Chen yelled gleefully. The room stirred, while Namjoon’s guy tightened with worry.

Bunny hybrids were pretty common in themselves, they and cat hybrids were the most common hybrids around. Almost all bunny hybrids had small box like body structures with ridiculously fluffy hair and normally black ears that stuck up proudly from their heads and twitched around depending on thei moods.

The hybrid that was dragged up on stage looked close to hyperventilating. He was dressed in form fitting shorts and a white tank top that revealed a thin slightly gangly structure that actually reminded Namjoon of Taehyung quite a bit. The hybrid seemed to possess all the good features of bunnies and none of the bad. With a slightly large nose and large front teeth, delicate cheekbones which hinted at his fathers blood and wife innocent doe eyes that were shelling with unshared tears. His hair was a dark brown with streaks of light brown and black in it giving him a mottled look. But what really grabbed the audiences attention was his ears. They were long, and unlike literally almost every other bunny hybrid, floppy, a soft golden/brown. But while everyone gasped overhow beautiful the hybrid was, Namjoon just saw the frightened gaze, the way his hands twitched in his chains and his red tear streaked cheeks that would probably be more on the babyish/chubby side once he wasn’t skin and bones. He noticed that the ends of the hybrids ears had a antibiotic cream rubbed into viscous looking sores as if the hybrid was constantly chewing or sucking on his ears.

Namjoon began the bidding. He refused to let anyone else have this little hybrid. It was like looking into Hoseok’s eyes when he was first rescued all over again, a mix of fear, pain and confusion. He was adamant. He quickly nicked over half the people out of the running and continued on ruthlessly, well aware that the money wasn’t anywhere near too expensive for him yet, and it wouldn’t be until he reached the high billions.

“Fifty -five million won!” The anouncer yelled as Namjoon raised his sign. He glanced around, seeing the disappointed looks around him and knew he’d won. “Going once! Twice! SOLD to number forty-seven please go to the back to fill out you right to ownership papers please sir! Have fun with your buy.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

So what did you think for a beginning chapter? It’s fun right? I figured Jungkook joining them would be a great place to start! Love you!

Feel free to ask any questions or point out any mistakes I’ve made! I tend to not proof read enough so constructive criticism is helpful!

Part Two to Bunny Breath is HERE

If you want to see the rest of my AU’s then please make your way to my Masterlist HERE

[companydojb]

hi I was wondering if you could please make a what dating Jackson from got7 would be like but like in a list form as well as being very long and if u could please add sexy time that would be great! Thank you !!!

Hi !!! Thank you so much for your request, my friend and i are very grateful for that.

You can do a request when you want, we love write about our babies :)

And if you liked send me a feedback, We’ll be happy to know if you like it ♡

Authors: @companydojb and @princesshoe2210

Enjoy your reading !!!

Xoxo ♡ 

DATINGJACKSON WANG

Okay guys lets do it

From the moment you guys met he already was your bestfriend

Literally has no shame

He jokes all the time

He laughs at his own jokes

“What do you call a bee thatcan’t make up its mind? A Maybe” *Iconic hyena laugh*

LOVES NICKNAMES

Actually calls you something different every time

He always show up at your house without warning

“Hi…I was feeling lonely and I brought pizza.”

He’s always flirting withyou

Stares at your ass when you’re notlooking

So much into PDA

He is hugging or touching you somehow all the time

honestly heis such a good listener

wherever you are sad He always listen to you and letyou cry on his shoulder

So one day you are at his house

You guys were watching some drama

You were wearing his sweater, your hair looking like abird nest and you mouth full of popcorn

And he swore that he had never seen someone sobeautiful as you

So he kinds blurt out

“Ilove you.”

You look at his face like WTF DID YOU JUST SAID?

And that’s how this beautiful relationship started

He is such a awesome boyfriend

Seriously

Likes to make you little surprises

Has a super cute photo of you two on his phonelockscreen

Constantly needing attention

Is always saying how luck he is to have you

“WOW babe you make us dinner? Iso luck to have you I love you.”

He is not the jealous type

BUT

He will be protective if someone try to hitting on you

LOVES TO SPOIL YOU

Buys you something because he says that remind him ofyou

“thank you so much, It’sbeautiful but…Is not my birthday or anything..”

“I don’t need a reason to buygifts, I buy them because I want to.”

Okay now someone bring me the holy water because It’ssexy time

Switch

Can go from daddy to babyboy in 0,0003 seconds

LIVES FOR DIRTY TALK

“Let me that pretty little pussyof your baby.”

“Who’sa good girl?”

You guys have a lot of sex

Everywhere

Seriously his stamina is no joke

King of oral

He could live between your legs

Gets horny really easily

Rememeber when I said that there’s sex everywhere?

Well I’m not kidding

Wall sex

Floor sex

Shower sex

Couch sex

You literally had sex in every corner of the House 

Likes to mark you

“Now everyone will know who youbelong to.”

Loves when you drees up in pretty lingerie for him

Lots of deep groans

Just imagine him groaning on you ear with his superhoarse voice OMG IM WET

Loves when you scream his name

Aftercare is just you cuddling and he saying sweetnothings on your ear.

OKAY LETS CONTINUE

Goes shopping with you

Hanging out with Got7

They became pretty much like a family to you

Takes you to award shows to met his idols friends

Gym dates

Green tea dates

You are known as THE EXTRA COUPLE

He is always proposing to you

“Y/N I love you so much…I wantto spend the rest of my life with you…Will you marry me?”

You from the other side of the bathroom door:

“JACKSON I’MPEEING RIGHT NOW!”

But you Always laugh and say “Yes.”

You guysalmost never fight

All the arguments are because of how little time you're spending together or becausehe is not taking care of his healthy

Normally you make up real quick

But if the fight got somehow serious

He would storm out and spend thenight in the dorms

But he would come to you the day after

He is a really sentimental guy so he would probablycry and apologize to you

Anyways in the end you Always have aconversation and make up

~The end~

♡ English isn’t our first language, so if you saw any mistake, sorry !!!

And if you read and want some reaction, you can request too :)

Check the masterlist.

xoxo :)

[sakyofcker69]

okay soooo i don’t usually make posts but i feel like i need to say things because there’s some stuff that’s bugging me- this is gonna be long as hell though... sorry ;-; 

spoilers ahead: i wouldn’t recommend reading if you haven’t seen infinity war yet 

one of the complaints im seeing about infinity war is that there was a lack of character development in it... and all i can think every time i see such a post is, wtf??? infinity war is the 19th movie in a series of movies. nearly every character in that movie has been introduced and developed previously. a lot of them already have multiple solo films where their characters were developed. and even the characters who haven’t been given solo films have previously been in other films where they have been given character arcs- maybe not big ones like some of the more popular avengers, but there has been at least a little development for everyone at some point. 

as angry as i am at thanos for doing what he did, this was no doubt his movie. he drew the most attention and had the most development and backstory, and rightfully so. because while we have seen him appear in post-credit scenes and briefly in guardians, he has had no real character development up until now. he was suppose to be the main focus and have all the attention as far as im concerned. and he certainly did! he was badass, and cool, and threatening, and easily one of the best characters in the movie even though he did some bad things ;-; 

the other characters have had their time in the spotlight, so it was thanos’ time to shine. you can’t go into a movie that has been built up from 10 years worth of films and expect every character to get a proper introduction and even more development. especially because of the amount of characters in this movie!! what was it, like 24 or something like that? and i think each nearly every one of them had a at least one good, shining moment in this film.

could things have been done differently? sure, but that can be said for just about every single movie ever. could some characters have been treated differently? sure, but i wouldn’t say any of them were particularly mistreated. but let me address some of the concerned people do have with mistreatment of characters just because, why not?

SPOILERS AHEAD - TURN BACK NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN INFINITY WAR 

so to start off, loki. i’ve seen a couple of posts that say everything he did, and the way he was killed right in the beginning of the movie was a huge mistreatment of his character. however, while i see where those opinions are coming from, i disagree. as much as i love loki and didn’t want to see him die, i think the way he behaved in that scene was very much in line with his character. but it also provided a bit of development for him. first of all, he gave up the tesseract to spare thor’s life, which is something he likely wouldn’t have done in the first thor movie or the original avengers. not only that, but he openly addressed the fact that he is a prince of asgard, the king of jotunheim, and a son of odin. that last one especially stuck out to me because i can’t imagine that he would previously call himself odinson in a serious manner. but he did, and that right there was one of the reasons his character arc was pretty much complete by the time he died. his final act of trying to trick thanos and kill him was something perfectly in line with his character as well. loki is the god of mischief, tricks, and lies - even with all the character development in the world, that’s who he is and who he always will be. so of course his final sentiment would be to trick thanos and kill him, it just makes sense to me. like yes, we all knew that after he stepped out of the shadows he was going to do something we regard as stupid and get himself killed, but would he be loki if he didn’t? loki, while a brilliant character, and one of the most well developed and complex in the mcu, makes stupid mistakes too and this was one of them. it sucks that this one would ultimately lead to his death, but i think it was the perfect beginning to this movie and a perfect way to show just how much of a threat thanos is. yes, loki was a brilliant character who deserved much more, but just like in real life, not everyone gets what they deserve. not everyone can have an incredible death scene with flowers and sad music and whatnot. loki went down swinging, and let’s face it, we all knew he was going to die when we walked into the theater to see this movie.  you can claim he was just “used” to show thanos’ power, but i don’t really think that’s a very valid argument. because yes, his death probably was inserted to give the audience an idea of thanos’ power, but why does that have to be a bad thing? loki went down to one of the most powerful beings in the universe. it’s not like some fucking pansy killed him or anything. he was killed by thanos - and not only that, but loki did try and kill thanos before thanos got him. so it’s not like loki gave up or anything either. we all already know loki can fight, and just how powerful loki is because he was in 4 movies before this. losing to thanos does not make him any less powerful, or diminish his character image at all, to me. once again, this was thanos’ movie, not loki’s. and thanos is the guy who beat up the hulk in like less than two minute- how could anyone possibly expect loki to win that battle? and as much as it sucks that it was the end of loki’s character, it makes sense that he died in the way he did.  okay enough about loki, let’s move onto heimdall. okay so recently i saw a post that said both the asgardians and heimdall should’ve just been left out of the movie all together. and the whole time i was reading it, i was just thinking... wtf?? my argument for heimdall is very similar to my argument for loki. although a powerful, badass character, he was killed by thanos, once again, one of the most powerful beings in the universe. plus, heimdall was clearly injured in that scene because thanos had just blown up their ship. but despite his injury, the destruction all around him, and facing thanos and the black order, heimdall still conjured up some magic sent hulk to earth so he could warn everyone of the coming danger. he risked his life to do that, and evidently got it taken away from him too. he could’ve just sat in silence, but he didn’t. and i think him doing that was perfectly in line with his character. now, obviously his death scene was quick and could possibly be seen as a “throw away” or something like that, so i will once again say, not everyone in life can have a meaningful death scene, even if they deserve it. i know, it’s not fair, and i don’t think it was done because the russos were trying to disrespect heimdall’s character or anything. it was done because thanos, like it or not, is more powerful than heimdall, and what kind of villain would thanos be if he just sat there and let heimdall get away with what he did??  now in this same post, the person who wrote it said that wakanda and everyone in it should’ve been left out of this movie as well. and no, they didn’t mean it in a racist way or anything (as far as i know). i think it was more of a “they didn’t deserve to get hurt” kind of way. of course, they didn’t deserve to get hurt, but to say they shouldn’t have been included in the movie just seems like bullshit to me. first of all, having the battle in this field in wakanda contained the damage of the battle. by drawing thanos and his army there, they undoubtedly saved so many lives and prevented a shit ton of property damage. (yes i know thanos snapped at the end and murdered half the universe, but i’m not talking about that. im talking about the collateral damage the battle would’ve caused had they been in someplace like new york again.) and also i see so many people complain about how many damn battles are in new york so y’all should be grateful that it was actually somewhere else this time. 

the person who made this post also said that steve and his gang should not have gone to wakanda at all. and that steve should’ve just let vision die rather than going to shuri about it. the person also asked the question “how does steve even know vision” and honestly im not sure i have ever rolled my eyes harder. i guess this particular person just completely forgot that steve lived and trained with vision for two years after age of ultron and before civil war?? and to say steve should’ve let vision die is just an absolute disservice to steve’s character. steve may have dropped the mantle of captain america, but that doesn’t mean he should just start sacrificing the lives of his teammates or friends. yes, the whole reason vision was going to sacrifice himself was so half the universe could live, but would the avengers really be heroes if they didn’t at least try and find a solution where everyone got to live? (not only that, but no matter when they destroyed the stone, thanos was going to just turn back time anyways) 

and let’s say for a second that steve and his gang didn’t go to wakanda, i think it’s also absolute bullshit to assume that t’challa wouldn’t have gone to them as soon as he found out the world was in danger. one of the main points in the black panther movie was that wakanda was going to try and help people in the world, rather than just keep themselves hidden and safe. so of course, t’challa would try and help in some way. and it’s an absolute disservice to his character to say he wouldn’t. so no matter what, even if they didn’t go to wakanda, the people of it would’ve been involved in some way or another.  

another thing i saw about wakanda (in this same stupid post) is that the film undervalued the strength of the wakandan army.. i think that’s a crap statement too. the wakandan army came out to fight. they didn’t have to, they could’ve disobeyed if they wanted and ran away from this battle. because honestly, an alien army was attacking so were they really going to get in trouble for committing treason at that moment? no probably not. but they didn’t run away. they came out and stood by their king’s side to defend their nation and the world, despite not knowing what the hell they were even fighting. and even though they are strong and badass, they are just regular people too, with fears and normal strengths and weaknesses. but they dived headfirst into a battle with aliens who were clearly bigger and stronger, and did a good job of it if i remember correctly. really though, they’re an army, their purpose is to protect their nation and their king. not each member of it is going to get character development, nor are they going to win every battle they fight. 

in conclusion, i think infinity war easily accomplished what it set out to do- and that was, have a giant avengers movie with thanos utterly destroying everyone. no, not everyone got character development, nor where the death scenes what the fans thought some characters deserved. but as a whole, infinity war was a great movie. 10/10 would see again. it has it’s flaws, but i loved it. feel free to fight me about it or fan to me about it. 

[yamlog]

before february comes

ok so like, it is one thing to know about smth hurtful when it has just happened but it is A COMPLETELY OTHER THING ALTOGETHER to be asked about it by someone who for some reason, thought that you knew all along all these months WHEN YOU DIDN’T. and why would i? did i not say many many times that i am NOT going to keep up? i am actively avoiding, i am keeping my feed clean and free from distractions, i NEVER look at my explore page except to follow very specific hashtags. i have been PROTECTING my peace of mind and sanity with all my energy and effort for like, what, 1.5 years. for good reason. and then to be asked (borderline informed) something so PREPOSTEROUS. do you know how sick i felt when i heard? i was trying to work and it became impossible because my brain was so confused i started feeling nauseas. i had to skip dinner and immediately take action instead of letting that horrible feeling burrow deeper into my chest. i didn’t even have to see anything in person. people sent me screenshots, telling me that they will look at it on my behalf and i shouldn’t go and see. and that’s not even the worst thing. the worst thing is all the consolation messages that came from SO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE later on, coming out and confessing and saying they knew and they suspected but they didn’t want to tell me because they knew i’d be shocked and disgusted and upset and they wanted to protect me from the news because i was trying to pass practicum. and i love them for that, i really do. my friends really just do want the best for me and they are not willing to start a war or actively do anything, but they do care enough to message me in private to share their thoughts on the matter. i got so many ‘i saw her story and i was so surprised,” “it’s such a shady thing to do,” and “what is she trying to prove.” then of course there were people who were very critical of the presentation and how it seems deliberately designed to mislead. and when i clarified, it just made everyone even more confused. ‘huh, if not dating then why she post as if they were’ ‘need to tag meh’ ‘she tag for who to see’ ‘is she trying to show off got a guy wait for her to end work and take many pictures of her on their dates? and then must tag the guy so everyone can see who it is even though he’s not inside?’ ‘how come her username is like a copy of your tinycl0ud’ (lmao i wish i knew the answer to this one but at this point is anyone surprised? no.) ‘is it she want his dick’ ‘dating or not dating it’s very obvious she has interest’ etc etc

so here are MY thoughts, after having talked to practically everyone in my life about it. my thoughts reflect most of what others think. i am trying to be conscious of the fact that i’m still too emotional to really formulate my own opinion, and so of course it is easier to mirror and receive the opinions of those around me. but i think until i can finish processing, i am okay with received feelings.

number one: indignation. because Yes, why the fuck even do this? sg is so fucking big and full of other men. if you want a bf or new friends it’s so easy to find. must go after your ex-friend’s ex-partner? the rest of the sg don’t have men isit? you won’t be happy unless you get to experience that which you have always envied in me isit? you tag, knowing full well that people in MY life still follow and EVERYONE knows what he looks like and who he is. so what is the fucking intention? to show that someone finds you attractive enough to take photos of you? you know, quite a few people have pointed out to me the fact that i used to be the frequent subject of his phone camera (i am grateful but i have also thankfully moved on), and that maybe you have always envied it, and now that it’s your turn you’re revelling. ppl take picture of you like you always wanted, ok good for you, but must tag to make sure everyone knows exactly who did it? so everyone knows you hang out? or maybe date? because who else would wait for you to end your shift and buy you drinks but someone you’re romantically involved with. and you tag so everyone knows it’s a guy, and it’s THAT particular guy. gross and pathetic. which brings me to the next point.

number two: disdain and disgust. why hanker after someone’s ex?? i really don’t get it. was it because on my private twitter i said that i enjoyed myself and he treated me well, so now she has it in her head that she wants the same treatment? a normal human being doesn’t do that. in fact, i have read her tweets about how much she enjoyed having sex with the guy from tinder she had a fling with, with very lengthy descriptions of his dick size and texture, and not once did i feel the need to go and experience it for myself. because there’s this thing called girl code, on top of basic human decency. normal people DON’T hanker after their friends’ exes, even after friendship ends. MORE THAN ONE EX TOO. normal people also don’t tweet stupid shit like ‘every time julian took public transport and waited outside studio i felt so envious because ___ never did that for me, even though he had a motorcycle and could go anywhere, which makes me wonder if i’m not worth being loved.’ LIKE UM OK HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL, reading something so MANIPULATIVE AND GUILT-TRIPPY ON TWITTER DOT COM. julian wasn’t a great ex (or even a great person) but he did occasionally do nice things, and you romanticise the ONE thing to the point of comparing it with your own lacking relationship?? red flag. and then when i have another ex, you hanker after what he represents once again, which is good treatment. well idk what to say but people i date generally treat me well sometimes. and the common factor here is obviously me. so even if you date the same guys i date it doesn’t mean?? u will be treated the same way?????? just a thought. it is truly extremely pathetic to hang onto hope that this Perfect Idealised Boyfriend On A Pedestal could someday be yours if you just wait long enough. you waited 2 years for your RC ex and he still dumped you for a virginal year 1. i hate him on your behalf, and never in a million years would i consider wanting him, no matter how attractive or charismatic he is. simply because, even though i hate you, i will NOT touch your exes that I KNOW FULL WELL have hurt you. 

number three: anger. i don’t hate people. not really. like i don’t think i’ve ever hated anyone enough to wish they’d die a horrible and gruesome death. but the past two days i have felt anger so big it felt like my entire chest was on fire and if i screamed it would come out like a blowtorch. i wanted to take my new ceramic knife and saw off her fingers one by one and then grate her stupid ugly nose off. that was for a moment, and the moment has passed. but i don’t think the hatred will. i can very confidently say that, at least for the next two weeks or so, i will hate her enough to risk damnation. because she IS fucking despicable. and now i guess everyone knows it too. 

there was a moment when i wondered why i was so stricken. i spoke to a friend to try to figure it out. i asked her, why am i so bothered. is it because if he dates her after dumping me it means that she’s better than me and that’s what i can’t stand? or is it because he actively makes time to meet her but not me, so on some level he actually does prefer her to me? then my friend said that she doesn’t think that’s the case, and that he probably can meet her PRECISELY because he doesn’t have romantic feelings and he won’t get entangled. additionally, she also reminded me that just because one man, even my ex that i loved deeper than anyone else, chooses her over me, it doesn’t mean his opinion is god’s opinion (or even a wise/informed one) and therefore it is fallacious to jump to the conclusion that he is right and that she IS better or that she has ‘won’. i added to that and said that yes, people are not prizes to begin with anyway. and yes, one man’s judgment does not determine my worth. another friend just said, very bluntly, that his initial thought was ‘let the trash take the trash out’. im still not okay with someone i still love being called trash because like, hello my feelings, but i understand his sentiments lah. 

no matter how i rationalise it, i guess it does hurt that he’d spend time with her but not once try to spend time with me. i’d make all the time, i honestly would. and i have endless reserves of care and attention and i feel like over time my capacity just increases, even with the new job and the new charges. but i also know that i never had any power in this relationship. i can’t make the first move, i can’t ask for anything, i will never call the shots because it’s imbalanced from the beginning. so if he doesn’t care to meet me but cares enough about HER to meet HER then what can i do? nothing. just accept it like a horrible itchy clothing tag giving you a rash but u can’t exactly strip down bc ur in public. maybe over time he will start to think that she is right for him, she can make him happy, she is his soulmate. she will have won, my friends’ predictions will be right, i will have been wrong about his character, and once again there will be nothing i can do. 

maybe it’s better that he cares so little for me he doesn’t even want to see me at all. because i don’t think my feelings have gone away. it’s magnetic. like an orbital pull. and i know that if i get a little bit i will just want all of it. it was hard enough to pull away the last time and pretend i had to go and pretend i was fine. so if he doesn’t want me in his orbit, maybe it’s actually god’s blessing in disguise and god is trying to tell me that it’s better to be untethered in space than it is to be attached to someone who doesn’t even love me. better to be unhappy on my own than believe i’m happy with someone who doesn’t want me right??? 

serenity prayer: grant me the serenity to accept that which i cannot change, the courage to change that which i can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

[wrestlewriting]

#420 [Adam Cole]

Requested, #420. “You’re mine and only mine. In the least objectifying sense of the phrase, of course.” - fluffy/funny (Prompt from here.)

Author Note: This is just fluff. And happy things. And cute relationship stuff. Because I think we could all use some goodness right now.

@running-ropes @wrestlingnoob @chasingeverybreakingwave @thegenericluchadora @wrestlingnoob @alexahood21 @castielscamander @cosmicswimming @spine-buster @heelturn-timesten @crookedmoonsaultpunk @morgunsilver @wrasslin-rollins @imnobodiesbitch @morgancorbin @reigningambrollins @ryrybebe @bbmbabe @allhailthe-demonking @rebelfleur22 @alynevelludo2 @im-indestructible @heelstarla @heeltothequeen @sixdegreesofsamson @vixxyvampire @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @valeonmars @pjanina13 @spot-of-bother @bolieve-that @lclb13 @songsofasirenqueen @daintymissdevitt @metabalaba  @nopeitsnat @thewriterformerlytaggedas

Adam Cole wasn’t known for being sentimental in the wrestling ring, that was something everyone knew. Maybe when he’d first started, he’d been kind of a goof, but over the years he’d evolved to cold and calculating and determined.

Outside of the ring, his personality was dependent on the situation. Around friends, family, and fans he was outgoing, funny, and kind. Around real strangers, however, or people he didn’t quite get good vibes from, he let his in-ring persona take over.

But when it came to you? Well, he tried his best to never be anything negative to you.

He was supportive of your career, of your dreams and goals. He loved you, cared about you, wanted you in his life. Months ago he’d told you, in a very serious tone, “You’re mine and only mine. In the least objectifying sense of the phrase, of course”. You’d rolled your eyes at the time, but the sentiment had stayed in your heart since.

It was nice to get to travel with your best friend. The drive between Pittsburgh and Columbus wasn’t terribly long, just over three hours as Adam had elected to take a highway and not the interstate. It was definitely the “scenic” route. So within twenty minutes of being in the car, you’d managed to fall asleep.

Adam moved his gaze from out the windshield on the highway over towards you, where you were curled up in the passenger seat, oblivious to his look. He was always amazed at how you could get comfortable, somehow getting your legs up and resting against the door. You’d brought a pillow from bed with you, and you’d manipulated it just right to support your head against the window.

You’d stayed the night at home, well Adam’s house, before getting on the road that morning to head to the next ROH show. It was only about 9 AM when you’d left, but Adam couldn’t fault you for going back to sleep honestly. You’d had a hectic few days; flying to his place from Chicago, then having one day together, before the next night was the ROH show. There’d been little time for you to rest and have peace.

Adam felt good that he was able to give you those moments now. Which was why he looked back down at the dashboard, calculating just how far he could go before he had to stop for gas. He knew it would wake you, and he wanted to prolong that from happening for as long as possible.

You slept through the last small town, I’ll wake you up when the next one comes around. Your eyes are closed, like you truly believe, You’re safe and sound with me.

It was the shift of the vehicle as it stopped that woke you. You didn’t want to wake up and moved against the pillow and in your seat to try to put yourself back under the spell of sleep. You listened as Adam, apparently, tried to open his door and get out as discreetly as possible. The click of it shutting was soft, and you were once again engulfed in the quiet of the car. With a long breath, you squeezed your eyes shut.

Sleep was gone.

Moving around languidly, you finally fluttered your eyes open, taking in your situation. Reaching up, you picked at the corners of your eyes, removing the junk that had accumulated in your sleep. You sat up in the seat, throwing the pillow into the backseat. Taking off your seat belt, you stretched out your limbs the best you could in the space, arching your back and tensing all of your muscles.

Twisting around to stretch out your back further, you noted Adam outside the car, waiting for it to fill with gas. Reaching over to grab your sunglasses from the center console, you slid them on before opening your door and stepping out. You shut the door after yourself, turning to lean your arms on the top of the car. Adam was already looking back having heard you moving about.

“Morning, sunshine.”

“No me gusta,” was your response which made him smile. “How far out from Columbus are we?”

“Eh, under an hour,” Adam answered. He finished with the gas and closed up the cap. You met up with him at the front of the car, where he put his arm around your shoulders, tucking you into his side. “Feeling better with some sleep?”

“Guess so,” you replied, as you walked along with him towards the convenience store. “How boring is it driving with me passed out?”

“Not bad actually. Better than you talking,” he stated seriously. You gaped at him, smacking his abdomen with the back of your hand. When you tried to pull away from him, he held you tighter, laughing.

“You’re a jerk!”

“You love me.”

“No I don’t,” you argued as you got away from him, entering the store ahead of him. “Leave me alone.”

“Look, Doritos,” he stated as he followed you through the aisles, attempting to hand you the blue bag. He knew they were your favorite and you knew he was trying to placate you. “And Teriyaki jerky. And Vanilla Coke!”

“You cannot bribe me,” you stated, as you continued to try to evade him through the aisles. You were grateful it appeared there were no other patrons in the building. And you could only imagine what the clerk thought of the two of you. Just when you thought maybe you’d gotten space from him, an arm grabbed you from behind around the waist. “Dammit!”

“Love me,” Adam demanded, nuzzling his face into the side of your neck. You squirmed at the feeling of his beard and tried to push his arm off of you.

“Stop it!”

“LOVE. ME.” He punctuated his words with two firm kisses to your cheek. “Say it. Say you love me.”

“You’re the biggest baby in the world. A giant ass bay-bay,” you declared, using his catchphrase against him.

“But you love me,” he repeated.

“OK, yes you doofus, I love you. Now, will you let me go?”

“I love you too,” Adam replied, kissing your cheek again before releasing his hold on you. “Now come on, get what you want so we can go. We got a schedule to keep.”

You watched him walk away from you towards the coolers, your jaw slack.

“…seriously?” The wink he threw you over his shoulder only made you purse your lips. “Alright Cole, OK. Well, guess what, I hope you like some good ol’ 90s pop music. Because I am about to serenade the absolute shit out of you once we get back in the car.”

He just laughed, and you rolled your eyes as you walked over to the snack shelves. It was going to be a long hour in the car.

[thekintsukuroikid]

November 12th 2017 4:11am

Tofino is never worrying about  running out of battery life, or the gas tank. Or atm service charges.

It’s is an odd place. Living on the mainland you get hit with the same cold and rain and you learn pretty early on how to shelter yourself in the rat race, to keep busy until the clouds roll through. Tofino is this weird anomalous places where people travel here for the express reason of running headlong into the rainy cold. Duh, the waves are better for surfing and storm watching. It’s weird being this close to the ocean. You’re surrounded by it here, you can hear it from the dead middle of town. It’s dark, cold and can swallow you up, and yet here we are grabbing neon coloured boards and wearing goofy rubber suits and paddling away from shore. Standing up, riding it.  There’s a metaphor there somewhere I think. A really lame one.  Suffice to say Tofino is the setting where I’ve always been most comfortable with entertaining feelings of optimism, they linger in my mind a little bit longer here,  there aren’t a lot of things here that can take them away. And yet standing here alone on this beach I still wonder what it would be like to walk into the water and let the water I love so much fill up my lungs. To finally feel the tension unclench and release. 

-

A girl bought me a drink and told me how happy she was that everything about this place wasn’t like home.

I agreed.

this trip was really about  running away.

The band getting to create beautiful music for people to enjoy on a Saturday night, Thats pretty amazing right?

I remember how hard learning 3 chords was and thinking how weird it must be to be able to do so much more but the peak of your musical ambition is playing for my drunk ass.

—

I met a girl at the merch table. She was kind and she was pretty and in our conversation about the logistics of fitting a surfboard on a motorcycle I noticed her biting her lip…and looking at mine…and exhibiting every  universal sign I could think of to express a “shut the fuck up and let’s make out already” sentiment–

“All I could do was wonder how much she’d have to know about me, to hate me as much as I do.”

This isn’t me. I’m so tired of this

I’ve been diagnosed with clinical major depression.

atleast I think thats what its called, I kinda zoned out when I hear it.

I’ve known that somethings been wrong forever but I’ve never had it named by someone else before. I’ve never been in a position where I could go out and really do that. I’ve been getting help for months but this  weekend was the first time  I’ve been able to process it all. 2 doctor’s a therapist and a councillor.  4 different opinions.  The same mdi-10 depression index score. How it works is, 20 is dysthemia or mild depression and 25+ is no bueno moderate depression. 30+ is major depression. I figured I’d be around 18-19 with my shiny psych degree and my practicing of mindfullness and understanding of CBT and readings of Dr. Marsha Linehan and Brené Brown.–-

I got a fucking 38.

Of all the fucking tests to ace I sure know how to pick em lol.

Talk therapy’s helped narrowed it down, where In reality I’ve likely been dealing with this for over a decade. I could have and likely should have gotten help when I was in early highschool/late middle school. The fact that I’ve never been on medication pretty deeply concerns my therapist. I still don’t know if I want the pills, I stare at the prescription sometimes and wonder what the sweet fuck I’m going to do. It’s hard to plan things in a pros and con’s type of scenario with brain altering chemicals, like its not like theres a frame of reference or anything.  I’ve always been  getting by with habits and discipline. Reading ahead, doing homework early in case I sleep through my classes again. Never letting anyone get close enough to be in a position to judge you.  Never be vulnerable. You’re not cool enough to have baggage.

It’s not like I’m like this all of the time. I have good days, mostly when I’m around other people, even strangers. It’s when I’m by myself for too long that it starts to creep into my mind, a little voice getting progressively louder and more persuasive. I Have fun by remembering what it’s supposed to feel like and selling it to everyone who can see me. This isn’t the stereotypical 3am negative thoughts, I mean those happen too but its more like 3pm, in the middle of my group of friends laughing, just getting hit with this whole body feeling of dread and trying to crack a joke anyway.  I then follow this with sullen, silent car rides home or 45 minutes sitting on the shower floor wondering if I’ll always feel this numb?

That’s the worst part…the numbness of it all. Losing hours in the day to this thing that I can’t even really describe. I never get mad or sad or happy just attenuated, dulled versions of these emotions.  I’m scared of heights, like really fucking scared of heights but I learned to rock climb because fear hits me in such a meaningless way now. This is such a weirdly strong biological component.  I feel like I can never move forward to create myself because I’m always looking back, trying to get back to how I used to feel. That’s the one thing I know is missing, that sense of self that guides my decision making. I’ve never been able to go with my gut, the kind of spontaneity and passion and creativity that comes with that,  Instead Its always minimize the damage, lower the risk. I feel inadequate in every measurable and measurable way, to the point of it being physically crippling. 

I’ve been really fucking good at hiding this. Its the thing I’m honestly the most proud of, which is a bit counterintuitive.  It’s allowed me to flip something that feels so intrinsically selfish and allowed me to keep focus on the people that are important to me. It’s allowed me to learn some really important lessons about friendships and relationships, coping and empathy, all without the vulnerability of facing those things head on. Depression to me, at least  the way that i’m doing it (which I know is the wrong way to think about it)  is this selfishness I don’t want to indulge.  

There is massive guilt with this. I have so much. I have taken so much time, love, energy, money from the people in my life and I feel like I am and I have so little to show for it. That I am a highlight in every  worst way, of the differences between what is good and what is just nice. but the thing is  I’m starting to realize that this thing, this depression thing it couldn’t give less of a shit about how you rationalize it, its taken better people than me, I’ve seen it first hand.  

For me this thing hits two-fold. Its the physicality of these symptoms I can no longer ignore or fight through.  Messed up eating schedules, sleeping too much or too little,  missing classes, being late to events or appointments and just constantly feeling zoned out, in a daze.

On the mental side of it, its been management. I’ve been in a dark place for a long time and my diminishing ability for me to manage these mental health symptoms means that I feel increasingly less equipped to take on this complete feeling of stagnation. This shit takes work. It’s like im trying to carry a weight with broken arms and no cast. It’s a  feeling that even if I had an opportunity, job or otherwise,  I lack the tools and the self belief to actually be and do what I want. It is such a weird sensation to feel the slide from wondering how to make it by 30…to wondering about making it to 30. 

 I Try to work hard to be grateful and find the joy in things. I spend my days trying to bridge the gap between the humility of recognizing this reality, with the ego of thinking I deserve better.  I mean maybe this is as good as it gets? Maybe some people just spiral. I hope that isn’t me, I don’t want to see how far this rabbit hole goes, I don’t want to become what its trying to make me become, I think thats why I work so hard to keep being extraverted.  I try to be around my friends, especially if I know  that they have it a lot worse or are facing a difficulty. Being empathetic to what they’re dealing with makes you feel like a bit of a daft jerk for dwelling your own bullshit. That used to keep things quiet long enough. Then again you don’t win a fight by closing your eyes.

—

I went to the bar in Tofino where I bought my first legal drink and I  thought about all the drinks I’ve had since then. I got hit with this really intense feeling of dread. Not that I had wasted all that time in those  5 years, Worse still,  That I’ve never truly had the ability to truly appreciate all the amazing things that have happened since then.

Even if I couldn’t feel it I wanted to do the logical work towards getting out of this. I learned really early on  to  focus not on building a resume but on building a eulogy. To live a life well lived. To do things not for the spoils but for the man I’d become in the pursuit.

In the 5 year since I’ve been back to Tofino, I’ve hated that man.  I still hate him. I am so much of what I told myself I’d never be: alone, weak, and of little consequence.  I’ve tried everything to fix that man and I still can’t explain where that process went wrong.  I’ve tried to surround myself with people who I love. But never letting them get close enough love me because of a combination of never feeling like I deserved it and never wanting to be burned or betrayed for being vulnerable.  

I don’t know if I can really get better I don’t really know what better is. But trying has to be better than this. Thats the funniest bit about this, I don’t even think I can really imagine what better would be like, what the absence of all this would feel like.

I just know that there is more than this…that maybe I can be more than this.

I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.— Anaïs Nin, The Diary Of Anais Nin, 

I  want to make all of  this mean something. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything. I just know that  I could set myself on fire to keep others warm. If I couldn’t feel wanted, or that I deserved to be wanted I could at least make people comfortable.  I never knew there was a difference between  happiness and the distraction from sadness. I would just connect to benevolence. I’d try volunteering, donating time and money partly because I enjoy those things, but deep down in a small way it was also an attempt to try reconciling the diminishing potential I felt.  If I kept doing the right things, things would turn around, that I could out work this thing I was fighting. It was all just heading to nowhere,  I realized I could get hit by a car tomorrow and nobody would know this truth about me, the uphill clawing. I think now  I want to turn this pain into something tangible for myself and others.If this is rock bottom I want to look around,  I want to carve my name in the rock beneath my feet and remember what this feels like. I never want to know it first hand again.  Maybe this is that first step. Who the hell can see forever but maybe I can just win tomorrow.

— This is the most I’ve ever written about myself and it’s a hell of a lot more than I’ve ever wanted to. Hell it’s the most I’ve ever thought of myself and part of me  feels like this sounds really self obsessed. But I think, at least I hope, it’s just a self awareness that comes from no longer seeing the contrasts in life.

If you are reading this it means that 1) you’ve found this randomly, and in which case… “sup?” or 2) you are one of the maybe 4 people I genuinely trust to tell this too without fear of being treated differently after doing it. If it is option 2…Surprise? I’ve worked extremely hard to make sure you couldn’t have seen this coming. It also means that you’ve shown me love  implicitly in such a way that removes so much doubt, I hope you know how powerful and beautiful that is. 

I don’t know man I think this is all really just about wanting to feel that oneness  with myself again, to finally find peace one day. I don’t have to live, I get to, and I want too. The world is abhorrently beautiful  man. daunting, ridiculous, backbreaking and gorgeous. I want to feel all of it,  I want to find my place in it and I can’t do it alone. Not anymore.  

Happy Birthday to me. ayeee.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #171

UPDATE 171: Like Punching Your Own Face

Last time Roxy had managed to create the matriorb out of thin air, and Dave and Dirk were finally having a much-needed conversation, Dave unloading everything he had in his head regarding Bro’s way of raising him. It was raw and made me sympathize a lot with Dave, but it’s not over yet. Let’s continue.

The first thing I read in this update is Dirk apologizing. Huh. It wasn’t your fault, Dirk, Dave simply had the bad luck of being raised by a sucky version of you. Then again, as it was pointed to me: Dirk himself admitted long ago that he has no business raising anyone. He’s not wrong, if this was the result. Roxy didn’t do a stellar job, but she wasn’t a complete disaster – the ocean-sized gap that’s the lack of communication between the Lalondes was the problem. All in all, maybe not having to raise them by themselves would have helped.

DAVE: you had a completely different life full of like  DAVE: different choices and actions and stuff 

He’s not wrong about that, environment shapes people a lot. I wonder how alternate Dave would have raised Dirk if there wasn’t the slight problem of Dirk being a few centuries in the future...and also if alternate Dave hadn’t been killed. That can’t have been of help either.

Dirk continues feeling responsible of what Bro did, saying he needs to take responsibility for all the splinters that are him. It’s hard to understand, a bit. I honestly can’t even start saying how complicated it is to feel like that – but somehow I have the feeling that a lot of people in the world would feel responsible for what their alternates do. I don’t know if I would.

DIRK: I've felt...  DIRK: Haunted by them.  DIRK: And what that really means is, I'm perpetually haunted by my own bad qualities. 

You literally made glasses that are filled with some of your own bad qualities, Dirk. You kinda brought that one to yourself, just saying.

Dave appreciates Dirk’s apologies, even though it feels weird to hear it from someone that isn’t the Bro he knew, which in turn makes Dirk confess that he isn’t even happy with his relationships with his peers – especially with Jake. Well yeah, no surprise there, everything is still a fresh wound. It was just a day ago or so that Jake was telling to other people that he felt suffocated. Who knows, maybe in the future that’ll change! Don’t give up, Dirk.

It’s nice to see that Dave and Dirk are trying to give support to each other despite the trouble they have to connect. It’s clumsy, it’s distant, but they’re trying. It’s more akin to pulling teeth than a heartfelt conversation, buuuuuuut it’s the best the Striders can do.

DAVE: you dont actually seem like a bad person to me though  DIRK: No?  DAVE: nah  DIRK: Why not?  DIRK: We did just meet, after all.  DAVE: because  DAVE: i dunno if truly bad people wrestle so much with whether theyre good or bad 

Dirk is not a bad person. He can be extremely difficult to deal with, but he’s not bad. I’m sure hearing it from Dave will make it resonate more than if he had heard it from anyone else, even if everyone else would be more energetic about telling him that he’s a good person. Dirk isn’t even accepting it from Dave at face value, although he is grateful about it. Everyone else idolized him, after all.

DIRK: She meant well, but was so enamored of me, and seemingly everything I did.  DIRK: Which I think was the last thing I needed.  DIRK: To be idolized in some form by other people I respected.  DIRK: I had enough of that feeling coming from within, particularly when I was younger. 

No wonder Bro ended like that. I really don’t think anyone dared to tell him about his flaws. I suppose that maybe this could be interpreted as a sign that Bro respected Dave, but I’m not going to think that’s correct. That relationship was pretty messed up, after all.

Dave sounds genuinely floored to hear everything his alternate self did in Dirk’s universe, including killing clown presidents and somehow managing to make a million Statues of Liberty. I’m still wrapping my head around that one. Could that have been how things would have gone if the world hadn’t ended horribly? Hm...no. The movies and all were a way to give the Condesce a sucker punch, no Condesce means those concrete movies wouldn’t exist. It’s hard to say what would have happened. Maybe Dave really would have gone into the fields that study dead stuff.

Dirk tried to follow Dave’s perceived good traits. Golly, Dave must have never seen that coming.

DIRK: You get to apply all that potential you showed in one reality to something much bigger and more existentially critical.  DIRK: Whatever strength you showed in trying to save a dying planet, the fact is, I think we need that more here.  DIRK: And the trials inherent in being a part of something like this, I think they bring more out of you than a relatively pedestrian life on Earth would. Make you face more things about yourself. At least, that's been true for me. 

Oh hey, I just realized that this alternate Dave pretty much did everything that’s expected of the Dave we know: fight, resist, and pretty much be a cornerstone of the rebellion against the Condesce. He’s everything Dave doesn’t think he can be. Think about that, Dave.

DIRK: I hope it doesn't come off as overly sentimental garbage, but it seems to me like you turned out to be a really good dude.  DIRK: Like, really, a better sort of dude I ever imagined talking to when I pictured meeting the legendary guy I idolized.  DIRK: I pictured him as probably being "too cool" to be the type of guy you are.  DIRK: But you know what, fuck being too cool for that.

Congratulations, you pretty much punched Dave’s hopes from when he was thirteen years old. It’s for the better. Somehow hearing that Dave is not the “cool” person Dave had once hoped Bro would see him as catches him off-guard. Here we go! This’ll be the turning point for Dave, won’t be it? Things are going to change for him – hopefully! Dave certainly had the big character arc in Homestuck, even if he says people don’t have arcs.

And here we go!

DAVE: its really fucked up of me  DAVE: what im presently doing  DAVE: so  DAVE: sorry about that  DIRK: Oh, y-  DIRK: Yeah.  DIRK: Man.  DIRK: This is some fucked up shit alright.  DAVE: i know

This is much more than I expected. Of all things that could happen, a hug wasn’t even close to the top of the list. This is actually a pretty sweet moment, I’m glad it actually happened. Part of me was sure Hussie wouldn’t show them talking, but he did. I’m glad I was proven wrong about it.

So! There’s only one conversation left before things may kick into overdrive straight towards the last part of Homestuck! Roxy is going to meet Kanaya, surely to give her the matriorb. Things are winding down everywhere else, it won’t be long now!

Roxy appears from the skies with a ‘heeeeeey’ and repeats it a few more times, preparing the surprise by telling her to guess what she brought. I can guarantee that the matriorb is not going to be a guess here, hah!

KANAYA: Is It The Thing Behind Your Back  ROXY: yup but u gotta be more specific  KANAYA: Is It A Little Piece Of Paper That Says Hey On It  ROXY: hahahahaha no but that would be SO FUNNY! 

I won’t lie, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it hadn’t been that. Wish you had thought about it before. Maybe there’s still time to write “I.O.U one (1) matriorb” on any random rock and give it to her...or maybe that’d be cruel. Shrug.

Not wasting any more time, Roxy presents the matriorb, much to Kanaya’s astonishment. She’s so surprised she can barely express her surprise while Roxy tries to explain in vague terms. Look at that, Kanaya has tears in her eyes! It must be hard to describe, the feeling of hope in seeing the way the troll race is going to be resurrected. Keep it away from the Condesce and everything should be fine.

Nobody would have thought that the way to revive the trolls would just be given to her like this, but she can’t complain. There’s a lot of work to do, the mother larva isn’t going to raise itself. There’s a life of duty and work ahead of her.

Where’s Karkaroni, asks Roxy? “Meditating”. With his face deep into the dirt. You’re so lucky you’re telling this to someone Roxy doesn’t know very well, nobody else would believe such answer.

Roxy gets into her role of Rose’s mother and tries to know Kanaya better, asking about the meteor tri, where everybody formed small groups and only convened like twice of three times. It wasn’t the social jamboree Roxy imagined. Could have been worse, Roxy. It was worse once. At least now everyone is more or less getting along and Kanaya is aware she needs Karkaroni’s help so trolls aren’t like in Alternia.

...having doubts about fighting? Well I can understand Kanaya would want to protect the matriorb and that she believes her skills are not as good as everyone else’s, but if the Condesce isn’t defeated that matriorb will only be good as a paperweight. Roxy points all that and tries to give Kanaya encouragement about her skills. Well not many things can beat a chainsaw in power. That’s all enough to convince Kanaya to go with her and prepare for the fight.

Now that all the dialogue options are over, the point of view returns to the dream bubble where Vriska has gone to harass herself. Yeah, don’t ask me why she’s bothering to do this.

Okay, I read one page and I’m already feeling a bit sick. I don’t know how Hussie is doing this, managing to make me dislike Vriska after I spent most of her appearances liking her. In just a few hundred pages he’s managing to make me not want to read her anymore. It’s going to be difficult to write something that isn’t constant grumbling. Well, there’s one thing...

VRISKA: Remem8er when you used to care a8out that sort of thing?  VRISKA: No, o8viously not.  VRISKA: All you care a8out now is 8ullshit hipstery fashion trends, feeling "happy", and... whatever the fuck it is you're doing here?  VRISKA: Frolicking with some horses in an ugly field or some shit. VRISKA: Just a8solutely disgraceful.  VRISKA: How could I have 8ecome so selfish??  VRISKA: You do know this is selfish, right?  VRISKA: This isn't having some fucking "epiphany" or like "growing as a person" or whatever self-serving spin you might 8e putting on what's happening here.  VRISKA: It's just plain narcissism, the worst kind you're capa8le of. A total renunci8tion of any responsi8ility for contri8uting to the gr8ter good.  VRISKA: And it makes me FUCKING SICK. 

...I have no words. Yeah, looking for personal happiness is selfish, but there’s nothing wrong with being reasonably selfish. I just...I can’t say anything about this that isn’t some sort of circular argument that in the end isn’t worth typing here. I just can’t say anything.

VRISKA: Contrary to your lazy fakey "happy" shit, I've ACTUALLY GROWN AS A PERSON.  VRISKA: What do you think of THAT, you frivolous, dithering 8ITCH???????? 

Like hell you did!

Just...agh.

Looks like the dead Vriska wasn’t wrong, the horses really is a bad omen for her. Meenah is leaving her and going with the Vriska that is alive. At least Meenah has the decency to be conflicted about what she’s feeling and all, but damn, what a way to punch someone that’s already down, Hussie.

Meenah likes dead Vriska a lot, and she admits it, but she’s bored of having an idyllic life with dead Vriska. She wants to fight Lord English and here’s the chance to do it. Dead Vriska may have changed, but Meenah is the same than before, and that one isn’t content with sitting on the sidelines. That’s why she’s leaving – more or less.

I feel bad for dead Vriska. It’s almost hard to believe that the end for the character I knew for so long is this – or at least this seems like the end. It feels...weird. I feel really bad for her. I wish this hadn’t gone for this. Heck, Meenah deciding to go fight Lord English would have been understandable. I just wish this whole thing hadn’t needed to happen.

Hm. I think I should be stopping here for now.

Next update: next time

[alo-piss-trancy]

Are there any sdr2 characters that you don’t like or just aren’t very interested in?

BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR SDR2 BELOW! DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THE GAME!

It's actually neat getting this question because I can see where some characters I used to dislike/find annoying in the beginning have worked their way up. For example, I initially despised Te/ruTeru, but after his backstory reveal I ended up feeling some sympathy for him and realized despite some traits, he wasn't entirely a bad guy (and I'm assuming his social link will endear him to me a little once I get around to it in island mode).

In fact, I can only really think of two I actively dislike/hate now: Nag/ito and Hiy/oko.

Real quick: Obviously these are all solely my opinions! I have no problem with my followers viewing characters differently, so even if you're the biggest fan of these chars I hope y'all know you're always welcome on my blog! 💛 Feel free to ramble in my inbox about them or chatter about omo, I genuinely enjoy discussing things or seeing different hcs even if I don't share them and I love seeing people be passionate about whatever makes them happy! Heck, sometimes fan ideas even end up changing my mind or at least make fun aus!

Now back to the question:

Hiy/oko's behavior in many instances was just appalling, and the way she cared about Mah/iru, while sad/sweet, still couldn't make up for all of her other bullshit. I can't stand little snots and I don't like 'loli' characters, so she's basically a 2-for-1 special on tropes I find irritating. Also high pitched voices are grating on my ears. After finishing the game I still stand by my original sentiment: Good Riddance Bitch. She will not be missed. As a note, I haven't done her FTEs yet so maybe it'll change, but I think it's pretty unlikely.

Na/gito is just. Idk where to start with him tbh. He definitely serves his role in the plot well, has great interactions with the rest of the cast, and really made me feel like I was struggling and he was so smugly one step ahead. I appreciate him as part of the story and it wouldn't be the same without him (Some of the memes about him are also really funny lmao). That being said, as far as his character and my personal tastes go, I fucking hate him lmao. Not 'villain I love to hate'. I just can't stand him and am lowkey annoyed at how popular/'woobified' he is in some parts of the fandom. My feelings on him are pretty similar to Ak/echi from p/5, except at least Ake/chi was understandable, whereas every time Nag/ito goes on a long spiel I'm just braindead and confused lmao. That or annoyed because he repeats himself like 30 times. I really thought doing his FTE's would endear him to me a little but it actually just made me dislike him more. He's just... he goes 120% ALL THE TIME and he's all over the place, it was overwhelming and gave me whiplash. Also while I do feel bad for him and the clear issues he had, the CONSTANT 'I'm worthless trash please kill me haha I don't deserve your kindness' talk really got on my nerves. Maybe it wouldn't have bothered me so much if I played the game back in the year it came out? But in this day and age all it reminded me of was certain 'Crabs in a Bucket' people I've known or witnessed who formed their entire identity around self-hatred and desperately tried to drag others down with them. (Note: I'm not talking about the general struggles with depression, etc. here. But I don't want to go into a lecture on exactly what I mean so I'll just leave it at that.) Nag/ito's not entirely the same thing and I get that, but it just rubbed me the wrong way because of that association.

Overall I just find him obnoxious and tend to avoid stuff that focuses on him. I might try writing a short omo thing about him being tied up because, like, how could I not? But besides that don't expect much from me. All of that said, I don't mind other people talking about him and y'all are free to send me asks with your own opinions or hcs, I might give my own occasionally. And I do like seeing art sometimes.

Also though, I ship him hard with Ju/nko (and in a poly with her and Mik/an). I'm also interested in him x Chi/aki since they're yin/yang parallels and have some similarities in design and the art of them together is neat. Not sure how much I ship them as far as actual canon or writing goes, but aesthetically it's pretty neat.

I think it's also worth mentioning that Ka/zuichi So/da toes a real weird line for me. Not in the sense that I actually hate him (his design is neat and he can be likeable at times), but that I hate what the game did with him. Which was not doing ANYTHING with him. His character had a lot of potential to be interesting, but they never let him break past the two running gags: Being confused about EVERYTHING, and obsessing over So/nia (to the point about making multiple sex jokes/getting flustered over her during the middle of the most serious trial in the game (Na/gito's death), which makes no sense even for him and completely ruined the mood). Every other survivor had important spotlight moments in the plot, developed their character as they went, and formed meaningful relationships with at least one other character to drive them forwards/give them angst. Kaz/uichi had none of that and I can't think of a single instance where he ACTUALLY had bearing on the plot, positively or negatively. He's basically the Fortune Teller Guy of this game: completely useless and ignored unless he needs to question something for exposition or drag the protag somewhere, scraping by only because he isn't hated or liked enough by anyone to get murdered and is too scared to kill. He didn't survive because he was genuinely fighting/had the ability to, but because everyone just forgot about him and left him alone.

A lot of his issues could have been fixed by just having a point in the game where he learns to treat So/nia as a person instead of being so obnoxious about following her around (he dislikes Ter/uTeru but then pretty much is just as annoying, only difference is he's a little less immoral and more just unable to take hints). Haj/ime even pointed this out in the last chapter with his thoughts of 'Dude just take a hint already'. If the game put them on more equal footing and he like, actually got to know her, it would've been way easier to believe he was fighting FOR So/nia in the same way all the others were fighting for someone they loved, and he might have actually done more throughout the game. He might have had some actual development and maturity, but instead he's pretty much the exact same person he was at the start of the game (I don't remember them even really touching on how he felt about the final chapter's Big Reveal). Because his obsession and cluelessness was one of his defining traits, they never let him do anything besides that. I spent most of the game convinced he was going to get a case in a trial or big moment eventually since they kept giving him so much screentime and let him make it so far, but there was just nothing. He's just a giant mass of wasted potential and for that reason I struggle to enjoy him without getting irritated.

Quick note to clarify: I'm not hating on him because of the ship with So/nia or because he 'gets in the way' of Gun/dham. I honestly don't mind that, the problem is just the lack of development I mentioned above. I could def enjoy the ship or a love triangle if they gave him smth. (And I realize part of that was the point, that G/undham 'gets the girl' bc he actually respected and talked to her, but still. The chapters after that point would have been the perfect time to let So/da have some viewpoint shifts and make efforts to change but they didn't).

Actually tbh even if they wanted to keep his obsession, I would've been fine with that, IF they had given him some other plot/character besides that. Like if he had some important tasks to do and was pretty good at them, but they also turned it into a flaw where he would prioritize helping/following her sometimes over what he was supposed to do and caused problems as a result, that could have been interesting. Creating tension within the surviving group or having her get mad at him over it, just SOMETHING.