#im gonna sadly eat my sandwich | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

too-kinky-to-live · 3 years ago

Text

taste

happy vo.re day everyone!!! here’s my cringe fic to commemorate :-)

(no ao3 link this time im too self conscious)

this idea came about while talking to the lovely @chili-kinks and they made this in conjunction with my fic so please check them out!!

anyway this fic features pre.game oum.asai and soft, same size vo.re, you have been warned. also bad words

“IIIIT’S PUNISHMENT TIME!!!”

The screen cut to a large Monokuma towering over the latest blackened, a small blonde girl with a long pigtail. The demonic bear picked up the girl and began to lick all over as she struggled in his grasp. Slowly lifting her above his head, Monokuma bent his head back and opened the gates of hell: his half-fanged mouth, with drool beginning to form around it. The girl was screaming and flailing about as she was lowered further down to her demise. Monokuma’s fist released her without effort, the blackened dropping right into his gaping maw. It slammed shut with a metal clang, and the bear gave a loud, deafening gulp.

Saihara’s eyes were glued to the T.V., in a more intense manner than usual. What a cruel way to go, even for Danganronpa standards. He had many ideas about his own execution someday, but this… this was definitely one to consider. He could only imagine how she felt wriggling around in his large belly, put to an eternal sleep with a comforting blanket of warmth. His shaky hands moved to text his boyfriend Ouma, who sadly couldn’t make it to their weekly Danganronpa viewing because of heaps of school projects. He knew Ouma was more into the mystery aspect of the show than the gruesome killings, but he simply couldn’t resist.

Saihara: omgomgomg did you see the latest episode???

Ouma: I did. I had it on in the background so I could work.

Saihara: what did you think of the execution? :D

Ouma: It was… something. Unexpected, definitely.

It was difficult for the taller boy to contain his fantasizing, to say the least.

Saihara: i love the way she was screaming for dear life,,, it was soooo satisfying in the end! god i wish i were monokuma… tasting a victim would be so worth ittt

Ouma: Uh, Saihara?

Saihara: yea?

Ouma: I think you should go to bed. You have school tomorrow. And… you’re scaring me a little.

Saihara: sorry kichi… but fiiiine ill see you tomorrow.

The last thing he wanted was to make Ouma uncomfortable. And he was a man of his word, he’d take his advice and get to bed. However, there was one thing he wanted to try first. Rummaging around in his snack drawer, he found a small bag of Monokuma-themed gummy bears. He couldn’t stop thinking about having something whole run down his throat… and what better way to do it than try on a small candy? He frantically opened the bag and plucked out a red gummy. Dangling it above his drooling maw, he licked his lips.

“My first victim… down the hatch!”

He shoved the gummy in his mouth and had to stop himself from chewing. Positioning it for swallowing, he let it slide down his throat with a hard gulp. Saihara traced a hand over his chest to feel it going down to his stomach, shivering slightly. What an amazing feeling… he couldn’t chew these ever again! He happily shoved more in his mouth and gulped them down, pretending they were meek little prey against his predatory might.

Saihara tossed the bag aside and rubbed his belly blissfully. One day, maybe he could have a person inside him. Despite his affinity for Danganronpa, he could never bring himself to kill someone. He was going to rely on Team Danganronpa’s directors to change that for him. No, he merely wanted someone in his belly for a while, just to feel what it’s like.

Surely a normal human like him couldn’t achieve that, right?

Only one way to find out.

Ouma looked on nervously as Saihara effortlessly swallowed half a sandwich whole. His previous victims included sushi, apple slices, candy, cookies, and brownies. It was almost inhuman how the taller boy could open his mouth to fit a seemingly endless array of food.

"Saihara, you're gonna make yourself sick."

Saihara simply chuckled. "I'll be fine, 'Kichi."

The smaller boy knew Saihara had a somewhat unhealthy obsession with Danganronpa, but he never would have imagined it would affect him this much. Despite how unnatural it was, Ouma couldn't help his morbid curiosity. He couldn't deny how interesting the latest execution was (no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise), and a small part of him absolutely loved watching Saihara scarf down food and seeing it travel down his throat.

Nope, he definitely didn't enjoy this.

Every so often, the taller boy would lift his food above him and slowly ease it into his mouth, as if to simulate eating a person. Ouma was immensely thankful the other patrons of the cafe were ignoring them. Maybe this sudden fascination would fade once the next Danganronpa episode came out; but with Saihara, anything was possible.

Saihara: hey could you come over today? i wanna try something.

Two weeks later, Ouma received a rather unceremonious text from Saihara one night.

Ouma: Sure. What is it you want to try?

Saihara: i don't think i can say over text

Ouma furrowed his brow, his mind racing to the absolute worst possible scenarios. Did something happen between him and his uncle again?

Ouma: ...why not?

Saihara: i just can't i'm sorry

Saihara: pls come over asap

Ouma: Alright.

It was unsettling how vague his friend was being, and that made him all the more worried. He hurriedly packed his things and ran to Saihara's house.

The two sat across from each other on the floor in Saihara’s room, neither saying a word. The taller boy had his eyes cast down, deep in thought with Ouma left to wonder just what the hell happened to him. The air was unnerving, and Ouma couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you okay, Saihara?”

The boy in question took a second to look up at him, meeting his eyes with an emotionless face Ouma had not seen in him before.

“Do you remember the episode where the girl got eaten alive?”

Oh.

“I… I want to try it out. I’ve been practicing so I could make it happen.”

Oh.

Saihara couldn’t possibly think this would work, right? Humans aren’t capable of eating each other without… killing the other. Ouma shuddered.

“Saihara,” he spoke slowly. “Do you really think you can do this? I mean, Danganronpa is just fiction after all… and one of us wouldn’t s-survive,” his voice began to quiver.

The taller boy sat up slightly and looked at Ouma with soft eyes. “I won’t let that happen. I’ve been looking stuff up. I’ve been training myself. And… you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Part of Ouma didn’t want to. That part was constantly pushing the fact that this could end up very bad. However, another part slowly began to rise up - the feeling of being the closest he can to the one he has a crush on. And of course, there was that naughty side of him thrilled at the idea.

“...I’ll do it.”

Saihara’s eyes lit up. “Really?!”

“I trust you. And, well, I’m kinda curious too.”

Hearing Ouma have mutual feelings to this weird activity made Saihara’s heart race. The smaller boy began to remove his clothing, too embarrassed to make eye contact with his crush. Saihara finally noticed how bony Ouma was. He’d make sure to get him a proper meal later. Ouma removed everything but his boxers, feeling somewhat self-conscious and looking away with a blush.

“Could you uh, close your eyes while I do this? I don’t think I could make eye contact with you.”

“S-Sure.”

Ouma complied and Saihara inched his way towards him, shaking slightly. Ouma trusted him. He wasn’t about to let that be for nothing. Raising himself above Ouma’s head, Saihara opened his maw until it became unhinged. He gently bit down on the smaller boy’s head of hair. The flavor was a sweet grape with a bit of lavender, which made Saihara drool slightly. He couldn’t help but smile in bliss as he took more of the boy in. He felt Ouma flinch a bit, so he brought his hands to Ouma’s arms and rubbed for reassurance. The smaller boy calmed down and Saihara reached his shoulders.

Perhaps it was Ouma’s smaller stature, but this was going a lot easier than Saihara had anticipated. He wanted to lick at him to get more of his sweet flavor, but he didn’t want to gross him out. He also wished he could ask how Ouma was holding up, but, well… he was a bit preoccupied. As Saihara reached the smaller boy’s torso, he realized the boy had entered his stomach. He was already feeling full, but there was no going back now. He took a hand off of Ouma to rub his belly, his hand gliding over the dent created in it. Reaching Ouma’s boxers wasn’t nearly as thrilling of a milestone, since his taste was interrupted by bland fabric.

He picked up the pace and shoved the covered part of Ouma’s body down his gullet. He mentally apologized for being so rough. Resuming the wonderful taste of Ouma, he slid down his spindly legs. All that remained was below the knees, and those were consumed just as quickly. Saihara could feel Ouma squirming a bit to get comfortable, and that’s when the true euphoria started.

It felt fucking amazing.

It was everything he hoped it would be. He leaned back and let an arm support him from behind, using the other to support the massive weight added to him. His stomach stretched past his knees with many bumps protruding from it. Red-faced, Saihara panted heavily with his tongue lavishly hanging out. God, this was so worth it. He rubbed around to feel for Ouma, who was surprisingly calm during the whole ordeal.

He opened his mouth to ask Ouma how he was doing, but a massive belch burst from his lips instead. The smaller boy, meanwhile, was fumbling around trying to make out his surroundings in the dark. His body was drenched in saliva; but strangely, no stomach acid was present. The world quaked around him as Saihara let out a loud burp, and Ouma found it hard to be grossed out given his current circumstances.

“Are you *urp* okay, ‘Kichi?”

Saihara’s hand found Ouma’s head between the fleshy wall separating them, and Ouma couldn’t help but lean into the touch. He never saw himself in the stomach of his crush, yet here he was.

“I’m okay. It feels… really nice,” he blushed, accentuated with a small rub to the stomach walls. He was amazed at how elastic Saihara’s stomach was, he hoped he wasn’t putting too much strain on it.

“Haah… I’m great, ‘Kichi! The best I’ve ever felt, actually! You tasted incredible,” he grinned, licking his lips.

Suddenly, the buttons on his dress shirt holding on for dear life relented and popped right off, exposing his large belly. That was… pretty hot, Saihara realized. Ouma started to rub more of the walls surrounding him, causing Saihara to moan rather loudly. He was a complete mess around his crush, but it was just too difficult to contain his bliss.

“Saihara, why aren’t there any stomach acids yet?”

The taller boy gave his belly a gentle pat. “I found recipes online for drinks that *hic* could subdue stomach acids for a bit. It looks *hic* like they worked pretty *hic* well, huh?”

Ouma smiled and let himself lean back into the warm stomach walls.

“You’ll let me out when I’m ready, right?” he asked tiredly.

“Of course,” Saihara whispered, rubbing Ouma’s head.

“Thank you, Saihara.”

#hope yall enjoy #pora's fix

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chubbyjungkook · 4 years ago

Text

Just a chance

It was a normal day in taehyung's life , he was sitting in the university cafeteria ,scrolling down his phone as he waits for his childhood best friend to arrive when he heard a familiar voice calling his name and someone hugging him

" hey jungkoookie , i was waiting for you " he answer giggling as he ruffled the younger's hair , jungkook sit down next to him as he saw , jungkook's boyfriend , Seokjin sitting down too

" hey taehyung-ssi how you doing ? " he ask as he place some food they had bought in the cafeteria for the 3 of them

"Did you enjoy winter break ? " the younger ask as he started eating some of his food

" i'm doing fine , i spend the winter break with my family it was nice to see them after so long " he answer as he started drink some juice

"We went to my parents house also my moms told me that you should come visit soon " he comments with a soft smiled

They continue talking about their small break and about some thinks about of the new cicle until jungkook decided to ask the older the question that he had been wanting to ask

" ummm hyung and what happened with minhyuk ? " he asked as he watch the older expression turn serious

" You know he was an asshole as all the boys I met " he says normally he was used to it . Between them , taehyung at always being in the heavier side and he had been bullied for that in high school , jungkook always defended him , so he was used to people being mean at him

"Fuck " he heard jin sigh " i didnt though he would turn out to be an asshole too , im s- " he was cut back for the excited jungkook"s voice

"That's amazing ! " he say as he watch seokjin and taehyung stared at him as he was crazy " i mean umm im angry that he was an asshole and i wanna hit him so bad but since you are single now , i want you to meet someone "

" first of all he wasn't my boyfriend we just went to some dates and two , kookie i don't really feel like meeting someone right now " he mumbled softly as he stares as his plate before he glance at jungkook back

“i know you didn't had good experiences with the guys you had know , hyung ….. but i swear he is a sweetheart please hyung , just give him a chance “ he says softly as he watching him with his cute doe eyes

“i mean taehyung-ah , you know i don't always encourage jungkook when he want to set up dates or things like that but i know jungkook’s friend and he seem like a nice person , you should give him a chance “ he mumbles softly

“ahg fine , i just do it cause i want you too stopped trying to make me meet people “ it was normal that jungkook try to find him dates , he normally rejected all of his best friend possible option but for the first time Seokjin was also agree with jungkook “ who is it ? “ he ask as he finish his food and take some sips of his juice

“Park jimin. You remember him right ? we used to hang out with him in middle school“ he watch the older frown softly before he nodded

“yeah i remember jiminnie , he moved abroad right ? “ he mumbled a bit sadly as he remember that jimin was his first crush back then but he never told him because he was shy, jungkook nodded as he take a bite on his sandwich

“ Yes , he did but when we were in Busan he recognized me . He said he had come back and he is living here in Seoul now and he will start studying here and guess what ? “ he watch taehyung watch him expectantly “ he ask me about you , i show him some pics of you and fuck you should saw him he look completaly whipped , he ask me if maybe you wanted to go on a date with him “

His cheeks blushed madly at the younger’s words “yah jungkook you might be exaggerating he might just wanted to talk again “ he tried to stay serious even though he wanted to smiled softly

“i was there so i can tell he was really whipped , anyways if he just wanna talk to you again there might not be any problem “ jin comments calmly as he give one cookie a bite

Jungkook grabs the older’s phone as he saves Jimin's number on it before handing it back “ there it is ! just message him hyung , no matter what i'm sure he would enjoy going out with you “ the younger smiled softly at him before the bells ring . Jungkook and Seokjin got up as they waved at him before heading to their classrooms , taehyung walk to his classroom as he was considering if he should message jimin

After classes he was looking for jungkook and jin so they could go home when he saw them making out , he giggled softly as he decided to send a message to jungkook

To:♡jungkookie♡

I'm going home , don't worry ;))

i hope you "enjoy " your night

kookie .

To : taehyungie 🐯

OH FUCK YOU SAW US ?!

I'm sorry hyungie haha and

YES i will enjoy it :))

To: ♡jungkookie♡

Ew, gross i don't wanna know

that

To : taehyungie 🐯

Mean :((

Oh yeah , don't forget to message

Minnie , hyung !

See you tomorrow

To:♡jungkookie

Yeah . Don't worry , i will

See you tomorrow , tell Jin

hyung not to be too rough

on you i don't wanna hear you

whining all day

To : taehyungie 🐯

OMG SHUT UP HYUNG

read at 6.30

He giggled softly as he headed to the bathroom to take a shower , he changed and laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling wondering if he should message Jimin . He grabs his phone as he sigh

To : jiminnie-hyung

Umm …..jiminnie ? Hi its me

Taehyung , jungkookie gave me

your number ^^

To : tae- tae

Oh , hi taehyungie ! Yeah

Its me jimin :))

How are you doing ?

To : jiminnie hyung

I'm doing fine and you ?Kookie

Told me you move back to seoul

To: tae-tae

Yes i move to seoul

i really miss korea

umm well …. i guess jungkookie

already told you but i wanted to

ask you out

read at 7.45

Oh fuck , was jimin inviting him to date ?! he never thought his middle school crush ask him out , he could feel his hands trembling as he try to write a coherent answer

To: tae-tae

i mean you don't have to

accept if you don't want to

, taehyungie

To : jiminnie-hyung

ow , no , really i want too

To: tae-tae

oh , really ??

wanna go out and take lunch

with me after classes ?

To : jiminnie-hyung

Yeah , its fine for me :))

To: tae-tae

okey , i’ll wait for you in the library

See you tomorrow honey ;)

Fuck did jimin just call him honey ?! he could feel his cheeks blushing at the older’s words as he write his reply

To : jiminnie-hyung

See you tomorrow ,

hyung :D

read at 8.01

He let his phone aside as he stared at the ceiling , he didn't think he had been so excited in his whole life , he tried to sleep but he was just too excited to do that . He was think about the “ date “ ( he wasn't sure to call it a date ) with jimin that he didn't realized he fell asleep

-----------------------------

He wakes up when he hears his alarm as he turns it off , getting up to choose some clothes he tries to choose some clothes . He ends up wearing some jeans and a hoodie as he walks to the university .

As soon as he arrive he try to look for jungkook in his classroom watching him sitting in the back , he went and sit next to him

"Someone seems excited ~" Jungkook hummed as he let his phone aside smiling at the older " you message jimin , right ? Tell me what happened " he mumbled in a excited tone

"He ask me out and he are gonna have lunch today after classes " he answer with a smile

Jungkook smile warmly , happy about how happy the older look " you have to tell me about it " he giggled as the teacher enter the classroom

As the hours pass taehyung was getting more nervous and excited by the end of his classes he walk with jungkook and jin to the library

"Hyung , calm down i can watch you trembling " he says as he giggle

" shut up im nervous " he says biting his nails anxiously as they got closer to the library

" i know but just calm down , everything is gonna be alright " he says in a calm tone as he stop the older from biting his nails

" well i guess we have go now , good luck with your date taehyung-ah ! " he smile at the younger

" good luck hyungie , tell me everything after ! " he says as they both leave

He waits for jimin outside the library , he waits for some minutes and jimin hasn't arrived yet . Did he plant him ? No jimin wasn't like that …… or that what was he hope

Some he hear some loud footsteps and someone touch his arm

" taehyungie ? Oh my god i'm sorry for keeping you waiting " he says as he tries to catch his break , since he obviously had runs to there but his voice sound guilty

"Don't worry jiminnie , i didn't wait that long " he answer smiling as calming as he could as they started to head to a restaurant nearby

" you change a bit since the last time i saw you " jimin mumbled , taehyung's smile drops a bit , he knew the older was referring to his weight and he had expected a comment about it

" yeah i know i used to be kinda chubby at middle school , now im properly chub- " before he could finish his sentence , he was cut back by the older

" you are even cuter now ~ and you look more mature now , you are really handsome taehyung - ah " he says smiling fondling at him

He wasn't expecting the older's words and he couldn't hide his noticeable blush in his chubby cheeks

"Ow i-i thank you .. you are even more handsome than the last time i saw you , i mean you were handsome back there too " he wished he could flirt as good as jimin did , but he saw a small smile in the older's face

"Aish you are cute " he mumbled as they enter to the restaurant

The restaurant look nice and cozy , taehyung couldn't believe he had never came there before

"This place is so nice , jimin ~ " he mumbled softly as they sit down on a table at the back of it

" i had came here sometimes , i thought you might like it " he smiled softly

They talk about their lives in this year until the waiter arrives asking them if they were ready to order jimin order kinda fast since he had come there before but taehyung was struggling to choose

"Want me to help you choose something ? " jimin mumbles softly as he feels him squeezing his hand under the table

He nodded at him and jimin choose something for him from the menú

"W-what did you chose ? " he ask curious about what the older order for him

" i remember you really like spaghetti back in middle school so i order you some ,thats ok for you ? " he ask the last part in a worried tone

" yeah , i still like pasta so much" he giggles softly

There was a small silence , it was comfortable for both of them , until jimin had the encourage to break itn

" well the reason why i wanted to ask you out was because i wanted to tell you something …. " the confidence in the older's voice was gone now which made taehyung a bit nervous

" you need to tell me something ? Oh then go ahead , i'm listening " he smiled softly at him trying to hide his nervousness

" Okay look , I have liked you for a while now , I could tell you before I move out but I really need to tell you this , Jungkook told me a bit of your bad relationships experiences but c-can you give me a chance taehyung ? If you don't want to then that's ok , we can still be friends right ? " he feel the older calm down after he finish talking watching him expectantly for an answer

" wow , are you dumb ? I like you since middle school and i was so obvious that i just thought you didn't like me back " he answer giggling softly making jimin laugh too " and yes i wanna give you a chance " he smiled softly at him

" fuck thank you so much taehyungie ! " he days with a big smile they talk for a bit before the food arrives

The waiters place a salad for the older and a huge plate of spaghetti for him , it was bigger than his normal portion of food as he gulp down before he takes a bite of his food , his eyes widened at the amazing taste of it , he hear jimin laughing softly as he give him a glance

" it tastes good doest it ? Looks like you like it " he says softly as he eat some of his food

“it tastes so good !” They talk about university and Taehyung talks about his life in seoul until now . They were having a really good time. Taehyung didn't realize he had finished the huge plate of pasta , his cheeks blushed madly as he gave his tummy a glance just realizing how full he felt . The waistband of his jeans were digging painfully into his bloated tummy as he tries to rub his tummy through the pocket of his hoodie try to hold back the urge of burping

He watch the older’s plate realizing he still had half of his salad there making him blushed at how fast he had finish his food , the older look at him and then at his plate smiling softly at him

“wanna order some dessert ? there some tasty cakes here , jungkook told me you really like sweet thing “ he giggled softly as he saw taehyung blushed a bit

“I'm kinda full , hyung … i don't think i can finish it ” he mumbled softly as he rub his tummy softly

“oh come on you should taste some dessert , if you can finish it then you can take it home , there no problem “ he answer smiling softly at him

Even to he feel really full , the cake sound tempting , he was really full but he sure can fit some cake there

“umm okay , some cake sounds good “ he smiled softly at him as he try to choose between all of the good-looking cakes

“you should choose this one “ the older point at a chocolate cake that look really taste at the pic in the menú “ i think you might like it “

he nodded softly “ then i wanna order that one “ he smiled as the older order the cake for him

After some minutes of waiting , a waiter place a whole cake making taehyung’s eyes widen

“hyung i think this is a bit too much for me … would you like some ? “ he mumbled as he stared at the tasty chocolate cake

“i don't like sweet things that much , you don't have to finish it all . Just treat yourself ,cutie “ he giggled softly as he saw taehyung cheeks blush madly

Taehyung started to dig into the cake , it was the best cake he had ever eaten . They continue talking when his tummy started to hurt a bit , he look down at his plate realizing he had eaten only the half of the cake

He pressed his fingers against his bloated tummy , feeling how hard it was . He unbuttoned his jeans as discreet as I could , he was glad that he decided to wear a hoodie so it wouldn't be so obvious but what taehyung didn’t know was that jimin was watching him with a small smirk

“oh , you are almost done with your cake , taehyungie ? “ he ask the younger with a small smile as he take a sip of his drink

“ u-uh yeah ….. im really full to be honest , i don't know if i might finish it “ he mumbled as rubs his stuffed tummy

“ ow i know you can do it taehyungie , you can finish it and be a good boy for hyung , right ?~" he mumbled softly making taehyung shiver softly

good boy ? he like how that sound coming from jimin’s mouth

he nodded softly as his cheeks blushed when the older smiled warmly at him . He started to shove some bites of the cake eagerly into his mouth , soon in the place was only left a small part of the cake

“want me to help you , baby ? “ Taehyung blushed madly as he nodded softly , Jimin got closer to Taehyung grabbing a spoon of cake and feeding him . After some bites he finally finish the cake and he feel like was gonna pop

Jimin smiled softly at him , giving his tummy some pats before he called the waiter and paid for their meal .

“are you ready to leave ? “ he ask softly as he saw taehyung rubbing his tummy softly , he place one of his hands on the younger’s tummy looking at him for permission when taehyung nodded he started to rubs his tummy

“ y-yes we can lea-” he was cut back by a blech when the older rubbed circles in the hardest part of taehyung’s tummy concentrating the pressure there , he covered his mouth as his cheeks blushed madly “oh my god , excuse me i'm really full “

“don't worry taehyung , it's ok “ he smiled warmly at him as he helped the younger getting up from his site making taehyung whined at how heavy his tummy was . He take taehyung back to his flat , promising that he will take him out to eat more often

maybe he could get use to it

---------------------------------------

After some months dating Taehyung was more happy and heavier , Jimin always made sure he was well-feed . He would buy him his favorite food and a lot of desserts everytime they would go out

Jimin ask him to move in with him when they had been dating for 6 months , taehyung excitedly accepted and living with jimin just helped his weight gain , he used to have all the kitchen stoked with greasy food and a lot of sweets , taehyung was a bit shy at the begging to grab anything from there but jimin say he could eat us much as he wanted and it soon became a routine .

“tae-tae im home ~ “ jimin shouted as he head to their living room finding taehyung lying there around a lot of wrappers and the younger eating a tub of ice cream as he watch some drama in the tv

“uhm , hi hyungie “ he mumbled softly as he smiled softly at him before he shove some more ice cream into his mouth

“looks like someone already had dinner ~ “ he teased the younger as he watched taehyung cheeks blushed madly

“ i was craving something sweet , i couldn't help it “ he giggled softly as he let out a loud belch “ can you feed me the rest of the ice cream please ? “ he mumbled softly as jimin sit beside him

“fuck you are so gassy now ~ “ he giggled softly as he grabbed the icecream tub “ mhm you are so lazy to finish it by your own , mhm ? “ he shove a spoonful of ice cream into taehyung’s mouth

he whined softly before he shawlow the ice cream “don't tease me ~ just continue feeding me the ice cream “ he mumbled softly

he continue feeding the rest of the ice cream to the younger until he finish it all as taehyung was whining while jimin rubbed the younger’s , digging his fingers into the hard swell in taehyung’s tummy making him belch loudly

“fuck continue rubbing it , please~ “ he whined softly as the older giggled softly

" uhm you like it when i do it ,right ?~ " he mumbled softly as he continue rubbing the younger's tummy

He moaned softly when the older pinching some of the soft fat in his underbelly making his cheeks heat up

After the pressure in his tummy was ease , jimin got up and clean all the wrappers in the coffee table before sitting next to taehyung again

" do you wanna see something else on the tv ? Maybe a movie ? " he ask as he place his small on taehyung's plush waist rubbing his thumb back and forth

He nodded softly " yeah a movie , sounds good " he mumbled , snuggling closer to the older

They watched the film cuddling each other until taehyung decided to talk

"Hyungie ? " he heard jimin hummed quietly "Would you be okay if i wanted to gain more weight ? " he mumbled in a nervous tone as he bite his bottom lip softly

Jimin paused the movie before turning to taehyung. " tae-tae its it obvious that I'm more than ok with it ? It's your body after all plus you will look so cute if you got even chubbier ~ " he giggled softly before pecking the younger's lips

His eyes widen in surprise before he hugs the older tightly " how about we make a goal ? How about 250 ? " he mumbled as his cheeks blushed lightly

He nodded softly " mhm if you wanna reach that goal , then you should start eating more ~ " he smirked softly at taehyung

"You should feed me more then ~ " he teased the older with a small grin

"Mhm i gladly will , honey " jimin answer before he pull the younger closer for a kiss

#i dont like how it turned out lol #i hope you like it uwu

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twiceinadream · 5 years ago

Text

“Your secret’s safe with me.”

Requested: Nope

a/u: Hey, guys! So, my mini series is on a Harry Potter AU for Twice, I’ll release more background info on them later and was inspired by the artwork of @tonidoodles on Twitter. A friend of mine inspired this fic and I hope you all enjoy and there will be a lot more to come! Thank you, I love you guys! And thank you so much Z!

Background: Chaeyoung and Tzuyu are both 3rd years.

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 1.2k

“Come on guys! We aren’t gonna beat Ravenclaw if the Beaters can’t keep bludgers from flying at my head!” Jeongyeon yelled as she ducked again, another bludger nearly knocking her off her broom. The captain sighed in frustration as she flew down from the goalposts, “Practice is over. We’ll pick it up again tomorrow.”

Her team nodded as they went to gather all their equipment, whispering amongst themselves when Jeongyeon left, “What’s got, Yoo, so tense? She’s never this mad during practice.”

The Gryffindor looked at her teammate in shock, “You haven’t heard?” She looked around to make sure no one was listening before whispering in their teammate’s ear, “Im Nayeon called the Captain’s girlfriend a Mudblood.”

The questioner’s eyes went wide, “No way, no one disrespects, Park Jihyo. No wonder Jeong’s so mad.” Her teammate smirked.

“That’s not all, Cap was so mad she dueled Nayeon on the spot and…” Before she could finish, someone behind them cleared their throat, shocking the two talking.

“Stop talking about other people’s business when it doesn’t concern you.” The two turned to find Chaeyoung standing behind them, Gryffindor’s star Seeker. The third year scowled at her teammates, “Don’t let me catch you two again or Jeong will be informed.” The two nodded.

“Of course Chae, won’t happen again.” The Seeker let out a dismissive hum before picking up her bag and leaving the Pitch, beginning the trek down to the lake.

Chaeyoung sighed as she finally made it down to the banks of the lake, setting down her bag against a fallen log before sitting against it as well. The smell of the forest filling her lungs as she pulled her sketchbook out of the bag along with a pencil and a sandwich, her sketchbook rested on her leg while she took a bite of the sandwich; her eyes searching for something to draw along the banks, but seemed to find nothing but the waves lapping at the shore. The third year shrugged as she began drawing the lake again, outlining the shore in front of her when she suddenly saw something dart out from the corner of her eye.

Blinking as she looked up from the paper to the edge of the lake where a great white dog now stood, its black eyes finding her’s and Chaeyoung couldn’t find it in herself to take her eyes off it. However, it was the dog who finally looked away and began to turn away from her when Chae suddenly called out to it.

“Wait, come here!” The Gryffindor put on her softest smile as she held out a piece of her sandwich in the direction towards the dog. The creature seemed to contemplate the benefits of walking towards her before opting to go anyway, a look of relief on Chae’s face when the dog approached her. ‘You’re a lot bigger up close.’ The Gryffindor mused, and she wasn’t just thinking that because she was short.

She smiled as she held out the sandwich to the dog, it took it and sat beside her eating the food she had offered. While the dog was distracted for the moment, Chae switched to a blank page in her sketchbook and picked her pencil up to begin sketching the dog next to her, assuming it must be someone’s pet. She smiled as she gave the dog the rest of her sandwich to keep it distracted while she drew, she reached a hand out to pet the dog which it didn’t seem to mind, occasionally leaning into her touch.

The dog’s head eventually found its way into Chaeyoung’s lap as she continued drawing the animal, smiling to herself as she petted its head, “I wonder why I’ve never seen you before? Maybe you’ve met my friend, Tzuyu? She loves animals.” The dog’s ears perked up at the name, but Chaeyoung didn’t seem to notice as she continued to draw, a bittersweet laugh leaving her lips, “Friend.” The Gryffindor sighed sadly as she kept stroking the dog’s head, “With a Pureblood family like the Chou’s they’d never let her be with a Half-blood, no less one that grew up in the Muggle world. And who am I kidding? She’d never like me back to begin with.” Chaeyoung seemed to deflate after that, but continued to pet the dog while she drew and before she knew it, the dog was fast asleep in her lap. The dog’s breathing the only sound beside the rustling of the leaves in the wind or the water coming onto the shore.

The Seeker continued to stroke the dog’s head as it slept, its puffy and slightly coarse hair passing between her fingers as she attempted to draw the texture of the dog’s hair on the paper. Getting lost in her work, Chae didn’t seem to pay attention to her hand on the dog until the hair between her fingers began to feel soft and sleek, opposed to the coarse and puffy hair she had been petting for the past hour. Only then did she dare to look down at the dog.

Chaeyoung’s eyes widened when instead of being greeted by the sight of the great white dog, she looked down to see that Chou Tzuyu had taken its place. The Gryffindor had to physically suppress her gasp of shock so as to not wake the sleeping girl and scare her off, but Chaeyoung still couldn’t help the thoughts that raced through her mind, ‘Oh my god! She’s an Animagus!’ The Half-blood let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding when a thought dawned on her, ‘I told her I liked her!’

Chae felt the urge to facepalm when she felt Tzuyu shift in her lap, petrifying the Gryffindor before the Slytherin seemed to find a comfortable position and fell back asleep. Chaeyoung let out a sigh of relief as she attempted to calm her heart rate and continue drawing, her hand hesitantly going back to stroke Tzuyu’s hair.

Another half-hour passed when Tzuyu finally woke, stretching out her arms in front of her face blinking when she saw hands instead of paws. The Slytherin immediately felt panic flood her body as she shot up to a sitting position, startling the living daylights out of Chaeyoung. The two friends met each other’s eyes.

Much like before, Tzuyu was the first to break their staring contest as she started scrambling to get up and run away from Chae, when the Gryffindor suddenly lunged and grabbed her by the wrist to keep her from going, “Tzuyu, wait! Please don’t go.” The Pureblood looked at her friend with worry in her eyes but nodded, “Okay, sit.” Tzuyu sat almost immediately, scowling at the shorter girl, “Sorry.”

Chaeyoung sighed, letting go of her friend’s wrist, “Well, I know you’re an Animagus. And I won’t ask how it happened, but just know; your secret’s safe with me.” Tzuyu gave her a small smile as she nodded, she was always a girl of few words. The Slytherin then got up and began walking towards the path that led back to the school, but suddenly stopped and turned back around to face her friend, “Hey, Chae,” the Seeker’s head shot up at her name, meeting Tzuyu’s eyes, “I like you too.”

The Gryffindor’s mouth fell open in surprise as her brain didn’t seem to register what she had just been told, she couldn’t help the smile that formed on her lips as she looked to the ground for a second, letting the information sink in, ‘Tzuyu liked her too!’ When Chae looked back up she was met with the sight of the great white dog staring back at her, they both shared a knowing look before the dog turned and ran towards the path. Leaving Chae alone and smiling like an idiot.

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cnc-hoebayb · 5 years ago

Text

Dumb dad things the boys would be caught doing

Zabdiel

-super casual and simple but like

-Hed totally get caught just pushing your kid over

-Like he doesn’t know you saw so when your little boy just plops down and starts whining you just “why’d you do that?”

-And he plays it off “i didn’t do anything wym”

-“Zabdiel i literally just saw you push our son”

-He shrugs

-“I think he kinda deserved it”

-DESERVED IT

-bc he was in his bubble apparently ur kid deserved it. Valid

-probably would get caught having a full convo with your son too

-not even about fun cute kid stuff either, it’s about things he needs to remember to do, telling him a story about something douchey someone did on tour

-Thats just very Zabdi, long deep thought out talks with his bb son about life even though he can’t understand

-K but something dangerous but not really

-Zabdiel is kinda aloof sometimes rigjt

-and is big gentle man giant

-So i see him as doing something like letting your toddler climb him literally like a tree when he’s bored and while Zab is busy on the phone or doing something important and just can’t handle it rn

-example

-Hes multitasking big time while you’re gone

-He needs to be on this call right now, but has to start making dinner and cleaning some little messes here and there

-Your son is begging for attention that he just can’t give

-so he does what any dad would do and just picks him up to ease him

-And after awhile ur kid gets kinda restless, starts climbing dad like a play thing

-he climbs up and down his torso, on his head, jumping back onto him from the counter when Zabdi sets him down for a second

-Which is valid given Zabdiel can handle it and can take care of his kid, but...

-it’s not the best sight to see walking in the door to your family with your son next to a hot stove top, plunging himself off to dangle off of your baby daddies stiff arm

Erick

-Youre driving home from work/school after a long day

-You pull into your neighborhood and on the corner of your street you spot it

-Your child

-On a baby leash

-in somEONES YARD

-rolling around in the leaves

-Erick just laughing and encouraging

-and you honk at them from your view in your car and when he sees you

-He starts laughing even harder

-Totally catch him one night playing with your kid in his room

-and as you peek in you see them just hangin, playin and all of a sudden your son snatches a plastic Dinosaur rigjt out of Ericks hands

-and Erick really sadly “heeeyy- i was playing with that 😞”

-Hed start fake crying

-Your son gets sad too and starts actually crying

-“lo siento, daddy im really sorry” in between sobs (also imagine that voice and ur lil boy with a lisp)

-Erick panics

-“aahh esta bien, niño. Let’s play with the Dino together.”

-Holds your little boy in his lap and they play together

-You cry happy tears a lil bit in the hallway

-Erick is also still like a child so this is 100% truth:

-Would get caught actually genuinely arguing with your son

-Theyre yelling at each other (your son in baby toddler babbles), and Erick is heated heated

-“que está pasando niños??” You try to gauge the situation immediately

-“he stole my last ice cream sandwich i hid in the fridge!!”

-You want to yeLL

-“Erick...”

-he glares at your son, who revolts with a tongue sticking out and arms crossed

-“you think you’ll get away with it, huh? Cuz ur cute,” he argues with him and you have to actually talk him down from his stubbornness

-“i was saving it for later today :(( “ he whines as you pull him in like you would your baby for a comforting “its ok” hug

Joel

-You’d be in the kitchen

-Come out into the living room to ask Joel to get ur little baby ready to eat

-And you catch him deadass recording your baby crying on the floor, a pile of toys around her

-“bro tf”

-“She was dancing and fell into her toy box”

-“Then whY you recording ?”

-“.....bc it was funny 😔”

-Would also do your daughters hair himself sometimes and dress her

-And you know he knows what he’s doing

-But like he also forgets she’s a baby too

-You have to remind him your daughter really shouldn’t be using his grown man curl products just yet

-or that she can’t wear a shirt that says “fuck” in it

-and she is definitely not wearing a bandana like that to picture day

-teaches your kid how to thirst trap !!

-this hoe!

-catch them both in the bathroom mirror one day, he’s shirtless, lil cute baby girl in his arms

-and she’s serving !!

-Like duh she’s your guys’ kid so she’s beautiful n shit but

-she’s posing and tilting her head in the right angles in this cute lighting (bc daddy taught her to find her perfect angle)

-He shrugs like “what’d you expect, we’re hot stuff” and smirks

Richard

-Openly and unapologetically teaching your kid how to say bad words

-and recoRDING IT

- to POST on his insta

-also would get caught scripting a whole thing for her to perform for the camera

-convinces her that the reason his hair is red is bc he drank all of his juice mommy gave him instead of spilling it out for the dog to drink

-your kid chugs down that juice like her life depends on it so she can have red hair like papi too

-tells her stories that the snacks she wants to eat before dinner make you scream and that’s why she shouldn’t eat them before dinner

-convinces her by shoving his mouthful of potato chips and immediately starts screaming to prove his point

-ur kid laughs but is also kinda terrified

-gets caught reading her stories and getting reallyyyy into it

-like acting and doing dramatically different voices for the characters

-Does the Joel thing and just dresses her head to toe in ICE like the most expensive jewelry and clothes

-kinda salt bc you don’t even dress like that

-have to stop her before you send her to school bc you know she’s gonna lose one of those expensive necklaces in the sand box or something

Christopher

-Another instance where you’re driving home alone

-Whipping down the street to see your toddler running down the sidewalk a few blocks away happily

-You flip and swerve over to park on the side of the street bc wtf ! Your kid !!

-But as soon as you park you see him

-Its Chris sprinting just as fast, frantically too

-Finally catches up with your kid and swoops her up in his arms with a relieved breath

-You roll down your window slowly

-“You pretty lil things need a ride home?” You yell out and when he looks up to see you caught him he’s dEAD

-also teaches your daughter how to cuss and cackles so hard bc it’s funny to hear her call each of her uncles “puto”

-id see something happening like

-You walk out of the room for one second during dinner and when you come back it’s food fight chaos

-Chris and your kid are racing to see who can eat the fastest but also there’s food flying everywhere bc they’re trying to distract one another and win

-lil baby hits Chris in the eye with a fistful of eggs (in this scenario it’s breakfast for dinner thx) and then he counters the hit by throwing his whole pancake at her face

-also gets caught playing dress up a little too good

-You glimpse in her room and she’s painting his nails, slapping on some gross little kid lipgloss all over his face

-and all the while Chris is smiling and acting like a pretty lady, flipping his hair around and batting his lashes all nice

-they spew some chisme back and forth, sip fake tea, and do cute model walks down the room

-You take secret pictures of the event for later blackmail

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whatevenismyaestheticidk · 5 years ago

Text

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 2

Person 1: But air doesn’t splash Person 2: How do we know that, Im splashing the air right now.

Person: Prove me wrong. Prove fish can’t see air.

Person: I think you underestimate just how poor I am.

Person: I just invented a new thing. No Romo. Like no homo but with romance cause I’m lonely. Get it?

Person: So yah I burned my hair cooking ramen.

Person: Well I figured he wasn’t an adopted iguana.

Person: Say it. You know god is watching.

Person 1 upon heading the news of George Bush’s death: Wait he’s still alive? Person 2: No he’s dead that’s the point.

Person: I got it. *five second pause* no I don’t got it.

Person 1: My name is (name), but you can call me yours. Person 2: Okay nice to meet you yours.

Person: Don’t drink it all fool.

Person: Bruh you could literally turn in a gay fanfic and he’d give it an A.

Person: Bruh, what is this triangular accusation?

Person 1:It’s call physics. Person 2: Yah but I don’t take Physics hence they should not apply to me.

Person 1: Discreet. Person 2: No discr-yeet *dabs*

Person 1: Be impressed with my ability to bull shit. Person 2: I mean, it’s gotten you this far.

Person: Why do I feel like finals are lowkey Russian roulette? Like okay I made it through most of them but I still have a few pulls of the trigger to go and one of them might get me.

Person 1: Murder. Just do it. Person 2: I didn’t know that nike was sponsoring murder.

Person: How do mermaids reproduce if they’re just like conjoined legs?

Person 1: Frozen Yogurt Person 2: Fro yo Person 1: Frozen YOgUrt Person 2: Fro Yo Person 1: FROZEN YOGURT

Person: All I have to do to commit suicide is jump from my parents expectations to my grades.

Person 1: I mean yah I cheated on that test. Person 2: Man your love life it DOOMED!

Person: I was seeing if I was tripophobic by repeatedly stabbing my finger with my pen.

Person: You do know that crickets exist during the day right?

Person 1: Hey (person 2), we’re friends right? Person 2: ….. What do you want. Person 1: You know, that sandwich looks real good. *person 2 hand them the sandwich* OMIGOD THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU!

Person: Omigod (person’s name) is going through puberty!

Person: If you pulled my ear I would have ripped out your nostril.”

Person 1: She’s attacking me! Person 2: No, he’s beating a woman, that’s not polite.

Person 1: I know many things! Person 2: like what? Person 1: ..... Person 2: my point.

Person: My shoes will be sparkly red stilettos. Fight me Dorothy.

Person: umm hello Christmas miracle even though I’m not Christian. Come at me 15 years from now!

Person 1: you’d make a really good baldie Person 2: yah you have a really rest head shape

Person: you know teletubbies? Yah that but compressed.

Person 1: I mean how will you become American? Person 2: paint me white, I’ll get a passport.

Person 1: I’m so funny. Person 3: it’s hard not to be when your life is a joke.

Person 1: So I’ve decided that my new career choice is to make school specific memes Person 2: That's Plan A? Yeash... at least Plan B lands you some cash

Person: I’m so small and bitter I’m like a human expresso

Person: You know what I’d name a baby kangaroo if I had one? David Jowie.

Person: I’m just saying that the orange red glitter crayon is you.

Person: I feel like a 1940’s schoolgirl who goes to an all girl finishing school where embroidery is a required class.

Person: I started high school with straight A’s, now I’m not even straight.

Person: Yeah, I’d swear by comic sans.

Person: (Persons name)stop being depressy and you’ll be more sucessy

Person: You can totally be insecure and self absorbed at the same time.

Person 1: Are you kids okay? Person 2: Besides crippling depression yeah.

Person: I don’t know it’s just giving me pig vibes.

Person: What drugs where the animators for “Pink Elephants on Parade” on?

Person: long story short I make like a semi hot guy.

Person: If I where pregnant id just be like 'you put this thing inside of me, you're helping me until it's out.'

Person: These girls asked me what type of guys I like and being the simple gay I am, I completely blanked

Person 1: why do you read on your phone if you get carsick at 20 minutes? Person 2:Because it works for the first 19 minutes.

Person: Three Indians, a Thai, a Colombian, and an American walk into a bar. Just kidding they aren't old enough to drink. Three Indians, a Thai, a Colombian, and an American walk into a school cafeteria...

Person: I can't do alcohol cause I'm not of age but I can do drugs because they're illegal for everyone.

Person 1: you can't have a breakdown, it's the third day of school. Person 2:... so?

*Group of kids singing Bohemian Rhapsody in twelve different keys* Person: For gods sake choose a key!

Person: For gods sake that was complicated. You didn't need to send out a survey to see which episode of which season of which show to watch.

Person: Honestly I'd chose stab over dab any day.

Person 1: She said she'd throw me out of the window. Person 2: She never did. Person 1: She never did.

Person: What language is this? *pause* Oh wait it's English.

Person 1: I mean it's pretty hit or miss. Person 2 from across the courtyard: I guess they never miss, huh?

Person: Chu-chu bitch. I’m a train.

Person after loosing game of kahoots: I’m going to ka-shoot myself.

Person: So basically I need to learn Hungarian for a song.

Person: No one screams their sneeze, its not human

Person: If I where a mosquito I would bite you and you’d get malaria and die.

Person: That tide pod aesthetic.

Person: No I loved Barney, Barney was my bo.

Person: If I where my own boyfriend I’d dump me.

Person: It's already a really good song but then it's dubstep so it's extra good.

Person: No one is EVER to old for coolmathgames.com

Person 1: Why are you using a poon? Person 2:….. Person 1: WHY ARE YOU USING A POON?!

Person 1: I’ve been blonde for 16 years. Person 2: So what? I’ve been brown for 16 years and you don’t see me coloring myself white!

Person: Yes. Scrape the sweat off my hand.

Person: No one cares about a square cube of water.

Person: We’re melanin intoxicated.

Person: Well my life may be a mess, but at least I’m not doing drugs. Yet.

Person: Negative 13 out of 10, do not recommend.

Person: Yah that’s gunna have to be a no from me.

Person: Fool me once......fool me twice.......fool me as many times as you want, my first name is dumbass.

Person 1: Ya know, I think the Americans have the order of dates right JUST BECAUSE you can do 4/20/2019. Person 2: Okay but they’re still wrong though.

Person with AirPods: And where are YOUR AirPods? Thats what I thought you broke bitches.

Person: Salem witch trials bitches.

Person: La Croix, the AirPods of the soda world.

Person: Who needs a thermometer when you have… your hands!?

Person 1: It’s time to bring back SEXY MASQUERADE BALLS Person 2: It really is. I need an excuse to wear an incredibly uncomfortable dress that's so big I can't even walk through doorways. Person 1: And to wear a swan inspired mask that doesn’t cover enough of my face to deem myself totally anonymous enough to be half as bold and daring as i plan on acting that night but everyone else is on board we’ll all just forget about it the next day. Person 2: That's to specific for you to have made up on the spot, you've thought about this.

Person: It was lady Macbeth that drugged and made the guards drunk, without her Macbeth would just be like “I guess I’ll stab him???” Person: It’s like playing where’s Waldo but the page is India and I’m Waldo.3Person: Why are there so many frowny faces everywhere?

Person: This group chat is weird. It's either homework, deep philosophical conversations, or memes, there's no in between.

Person 1: Honestly, where DID it come from Person 2: The endless abyss that is the internet.

Person: Are you really blaming our generational depression on Jake Paul?

Person 1: Oh. My. God. Guys. Keep your carbon dioxide away from my computer. Person 2: But sharing is caring. Person 1: But my computer doesn’t need this kinda of negativity in its life right now.

Person: Sweetie, if you think I’m going to stop wearing my favorite dress just because you kissed me in it, you are dead wrong.

Person with a metal straw: I don't drink broke.

Person: My whole life has become that sock on the floor. It's just there. When did life screw us over and then just ex? I’m just gonna write a book, and the last sentence will be life screwed them over and then exed. A story of the main character who gets screwed over, so I can get that 'it be like that sometimes' reaction.

Person in group chat: Positivity- I will make you feel better about being an idiot. Self Doubt- I will highlight all of your mistakes and set low standards for you so you'll never be disappointed. Me to Self Doubt- I'm listening...

Person 1: Sadly the disappointment never goes away... Person 2: Man we're a sad lot this time of year.

Person 1:It’s almost my favorite time of the year Person 2:Ahh yes. Singles awareness day, also known as chocolate sales at Walgreens eve, also known as... Valentine's Day. Person 1:... Oh... I meant rainy season.

Person: Being antivax is like swimming in shark infested waters because you're afraid the bridge could break lmao.

Person: I learned how eat a kumquat this weekend.

Person: It’s so sticky. It’s like clear cheese.

Person: Hamburger helper? More like hamburger help me pass this class.

Person 1: So I slipped on a grape… Person 2: You got K.O.’ed by a grape (person’s name), how does it feel.

Person 1: Look at me, I’m fine. Person 2: Well how many drugs did you take. Person 1: Several.

Person 1: Did you just say it’s ALMOST FEBRUARY? Person 2: Yes, it’s January 72nd.

Person: I knew your comedic standards where low, but poop jokes? Really?

Person: What? So are you insinuating the fact that reliablest isn't a word?

Person 1: [bitter old man voice] back in my day, tik tok was a kesha song. Person 2: Back in my day we had wires attached to our AirPods.

Person: There's a reason rainbows aren't straight. Just saying.

Person reading sheet music and seeing mf crescendo: I forgot that mezzo forte was a thing for a second so I thought it said mother fucker as a crescendo but mood

Person: He looks like a fine piece of toasted white bread.

Person: If life hasn't given me a fist bump by now, why should I give life one?

Person: we all died in 2012 this is hell.

Person 1: Who wants a pamphlet on condoms? Person 2: Why do you have this? Do you collect them? Person 1: Yah it’s my hobby. I have this one, one on HIV and one on teenage pregnancy.

Person: We live a society where reading about assassins and gory details is a hobby.

Person: Stop breathing so loudly on my thumb!

Person 1: I’m the comic relief. Person 2: For what? Person 1: Myself.

Person1: Who’s your valentine this year? Person 2: Me, myself and I. Person 1: Wow three valentines, you really can’t keep them away can you?

Person: Why do women gotta get their period, why not men. I wish I was born a seahorse.

Person 1: No we can’t all fit, her car is smol. Like you. Person 2: Says you miss 5 foot nothing lmao. Person 1: Hey we’re the same hight so says you miss 5 foot nothing.

Person: No, that’s cheating no emotionally disabling people.

Person 1: Why is it that we’re talking about someone burning eggs on two different group chats. Person 2: Hey I didn’t burn them. Person 3: Cause why not?

Person 1: That’s not how an Australian accent works. Person 2: This is why I’m not Australian, I don’t have the koala-fications.

Person 1: I’m Indian, numbers run through my blood. Person 2: That’s like saying I’m going to marry my cousin just because I’m white.

Person: So I ate veggies and hummus for lunch but then I counterbalanced it by eating a spoon full of straight Nutella.

Person: Seagulls, California Pigeons, what’s the difference?

Person 1: I humbly apologize and request your forgiveness. Person 2: I humbly decline your request for forgiveness.

Person: I think I’m permanently stuck somewhere between “If you mess with me I’ll fight” and “If you mess with me I’ll cry.”

Person 1: It was implied! Person 2: What’s implied is your inability to accept that fact that I’m right!

Person 1: I got lazy because I was eating Pringles. Person 2: She values Pringles more than me.

Person: Yo, you be the crazy ex girls they be talking about in memes.

Person: I swear (persons name) if I hooked up with squidward in your dream your subconscious and I need to have a little talk.

Person: You get to die, and you get to die! Everybody gets to die!

Person: How do you just add a child?

Person 1: Look at this ink based pencil. Person 2: A pen?  Person 1: This egg is all broken. Person 2: It’s like you then, you both broke under the pressure.

Lakshmi: Don’t force your opinion, voice it.

Person 1: If I where a fruit, which one would I be? Person 2: Sushi. Person 1:… Sushi isn’t a fruit.

Person: I mean it’s not straight up “Yo come here I’m gunna kill you.”

Person: Bye gays, bye (other girls name).

Person 1: No (person B) stop. Just shut up. You’re making me loose brain cells. Person 2: But… Person 1: No. Just no.

Person: Stop. That is non-consensual pizza eating.

Person 1: Cheese is not a vegetable! Person 2: Well it’s not a meat either! Person 3: Guys… It’s dairy.

Person: Idiots have priority over just regular dumb people

Person: God melted the polar ice caps just to make it rain for Noah then refroze them. I don’t know (kids name) I’m not god!

Person: You and I will go out, and leave them to their raw fish rolled in sea salad.

Person: Does anyone else get really energized when they change their room? Just me? Okay.

Person: I hope you know I will diss you guys to the end of the earth.

Person: Bruh talk to (person’s name) I don’t know sh… *notices teacher looking at her*…niahhh.

Person 1: The thing is, I don’t want to be 80 that’s rough. Person 2: Then just die at 50.

Person: You’d be scrambled eggs with hair.

Person: Seeing you two fighting, it’s like seeing a piece of light fighting a black hole.

Teacher: What can you tell me about probability? Student 1: I hate it. Student 2: Dont you mean you? Student 1: Yes both.

Person: My brain has the dumb I’m sorry

Person 1: If my first word was no, I’m assuming that’s foreshadowing for them my family disowns me after I renounce religion and systemic abuse. Person 2: Or…. You just need to make sure your last word is yes. Person 1: Yes to what though? Person 2: ‘Are you dying?’ Yes.’ Pessimism, just your style. Person 1: That’s true.

Person: My parents don’t message me, they’re the type of people who CALL. Where did I get my social anxiety from??

Person: Well guys it's been great knowing you I’m just going to drown now.

Person: I figured out a new diet regime, it’s called sleeping until noon and just not eating breakfast.

Person: The f on my birth certificate was the doctor paying their respects.

Person: Chocolates with raspberry filling are the sole reason I’m still alive.

Person 1: Isn’t Latin a dead language? Person 2: You’re a dead language!

Person: Hydrate before you diedrate.

Person 1: you have a son named Spider-Man? Person 2: what noooo! Person 3: well don’t expose her!

Person: That awkward moment when you just really don’t care about people.

Person 1: (Person 2) and I will be over here with my virgin margarita and her water. Person 2: Hey! I want apple juice! Person 3: Why are you not drinking (Person 1)? Person 2: Because she’s to single, and also she’d strip. Person 1: Woahh! How dare you assume that I’m not drinking because I’m to single?

Person 1: Ya know, I think I’m going to have to jazz hands my way through hell. Person 2: All of us will.

Person: Brown town children, y’all find someone in India?

Person 1: Wow you have the best backup singers. Person 2: I only hire the best, at least 5 stars in yelp. Person 1: Well good because that’s the sound they’re making.

Person: The cold kills everything, it’s like my heart.

Person 1: Remember the rolls I brought to school last year that I used to give you? The ones with paneer and the really good spices? Person 2: Yah? Person 1: This is not at all the same thing.

Person 1: What’s stevia? Person 2: It’s like sugar but no.

Person 1: Yeetus Skelettus. Person 2: Fetus Deletes? Honey, that’s called abortion.

Person: Anything for you. That’s what you said. Anything for you. But when I ask for just one bite of your pasta? No!

Person 1: I've written 1,300 words and don’t have a thesis statement or topic question Person 2: Yeah, you need to figure that out.

Person 1: you know I had a dream that you where in a romantic relationship with a toaster. Person 2: wasn’t that your relationship with (ex’s name)? Person 1: you’d have more chemistry with a toaster.

Person: Can people read colors? Cause I am ooo.

Person: It’s like hands but medusa

Person: You look like a cardboard jellyfish that’s brown

Person 1: Two of us like boys. Person 2: We all like boys. Person 1: Two of us like ONLY boys.

Person: you’re like a reverse plant. You convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Person: Shhhhh. I’m not in physics, let me be dumb in peace.

Person: Why are you laying down like some greek god, get up you brown child.

Person 1: Do all of you just think you’re going to be single? Person 2: I already am why not keep the streak going to get a high score?

Person: and now cracks of light are coming out from around the sides like some sort of computer Jesus!

People 1 and 2: Rock Paper Scissors Person 3: shoot me please.

Person 1: not since 9/11 you can’t. Person 2: dang. You just tossed your whole country just to prove a point. I’ve never been so proud.

Person 1: what is an angle of depression? Person 2: it’s my life. Person 1: no it’s you because it’s not straight.

Person: Boom. Lesbians.

Person 1: Well what if two rocks just washed up at the same time and humans. Person 2: Evolution.

Person: Watermelon isn’t good anymore, I swear its just water with food coloring.

Person: You being dumb makes me want to correct you, sos too being dumb cause I’m on vocal rest.

Person: well (persons name) who have you a mouth?

Person: Teachers that grade late work deserve all the love and cookies and cake in the world.

Person 1: honestly I just want to die right now. Person 2: same. Literally same.

Person: I just feel like a single molecule lost in space.

Person: who’s gunna stop me? God? Damn him to hell.

Person: the line is not actually straight it’s like (students name)

Person 1: It’s your favorite sleep deprived gay. Person 2: But I’m my favorite sleep deprived gay. Self love. Person 1: We Stan.

Person 1: Why do you have a tool? Person 2: Because my hair is moist.

Person: eating lead was an otherworldly experience

Person 1: I have everything stolen from me 2: at least you have the tiniest bit of dignity left 3: what dignity? 1: exactly

Person 1:( holding up katsup) does this go on salad?

Person:I’m turning red! Me! A brown girl!

Person: I’m not trying argue that we should date, I’m just saying.

Person 1: what’s your biggest turn on? Person2 : a light switch Person 2: or then leaving.

Person 1: what is the most attractive retire on someone Person 2: my own face

Person: you’d be that one bar do white chocolate that just sits in the feidge because no one wants it

Person: that’s like saying I’d rather see your shirt than your face.

Person: why would I shut up when I can shut (kids name) down

Person: Subtle. Gay. Vibes. I’m telling you.

Person: just watch me write my ee on all the reasons why nick caraway is gay. Just watch me.

Person: Why are you stereotyping. What if the body doesn’t want trucks, what if he wants to be a fairy.

Person: being ace is basically just eww no but like forever.

Person: Stop trying to science your way out of being wrong.

Person: even if you did ask me out I’d still say no so then you’d even be rejected by a trash can

Person 1: you can’t read cheese color. Person 2: yellow?

Person 1: Think about it like you’re brown Person 2: She is brown Person 1: Then act like it

Person: You’re not an ugly frog, you’re a beautiful human being. Person: I am. Very very dumb. And also. Bisexual.

Person: I was thinking of something smart but then I forgot what it was.

Person: I want to skip the crush phase and just make out with someone.

Person 1: The only way to get into the Holland family is to marry in through Paddy. Person 2: (Person 1’s name) this isn’t the royal family.

Person: Omigod you looked like the human version of squid ward.

Person: I want to be smart. Where can I learn smart stuff?

Person: But plant the seed and smoke the weed and chop the cane.

Peeeson 1: that is the definition of meter? Person 2: about 3 feet. Person 1: okay thanks America

Person 1: who’s Tom Holland? Person 2: Spider-Man you uncultured swine!!

Person: I am not a children

Person: Ohh dang yeah forgot chickens existed for a while

Person: Hey! Don’t narrate my water!

Person: I don’t read water.

Person: Think of it as a relationship. If you and your ex break up they are salty but you profit because you wanted to end it but if you end it weak, then y’all will argue back and forth and get nowhere with ending it while still exchanging insults.

Person: You know those really sexual mattress adverts?

Person: Oh please, you have the sexual appeal of an easy bake oven.

Person 1: weed is a gate way drug Person 2: YOURE A GATEWAY DRUG!

Person: (first, middle, last name), I love you to the end of the earth. But you are a daft child.

Person 1: She’s like that type of girl. She’s the long paragraph white girl. Person 2: Well that’s a niche if I’ve even seen one.

Person 1: swing you two fight is like watching two ants fight. Person 2: you friking piece of bacteria!

Person: I’m just an intellectual.

Person: I will murder your face off.

Person: that’s like a kilometer tall.

Person: It’s weird when I pet you horizontally.

Person: to be honest I thought those were rocks in a jar for the longest time. Turns out they weren’t.

Person: does she have a brother or gay tendencies

Person: I’m going to slap your hand like it’s a fricking spider.

Person: I like your face better blurry.

Person: every night at about midnight someone starts googling astrology

Person: I will kick you. I will murder your soul.

Person 1: I’m just going to marry a millionaire. Person 2: Where are you gunna finds a millionaire in this economy?

Person: Welcome to my tea party, there isn’t any tea to drink, but we have a lot of it to spill.

Person: Yah, it was something about sex or something.

Person: You’re all uncultured swines.

Person: I’m about as straight as a sine curve.

Person 1: They’re not Oreo’s you dumb head Person 2: I know that dumber head. Person 3 :Shut up dumbest heads

Person: As an ex foetus i can say with authority that if my mother had aborted me i wouldn't have known nor would i have given a fuck

Person: I’ve just accepted I’m going to fail this test. I’ve gone through the 5 stages of grief already.

Person: Yes I’m blind that’s why I need glasses fool.

Person: what the fork do you want you little son of a biscuit.

Person: Anyway now I’m taking Tylenol PM and I’m going to actually sleep tonight that’ll be fun.

Person: I need all the hoodies. ALL OF THEM.

2 notes · View notes

ooftherails · 5 years ago

Text

j’taime 🥀🌷

Word Count: roughly 1676

Summary: Peter breaks up your friendship for no apparent reason.

A/N: You’re french oop.

You sat alone at your lunch table. A few weeks ago you had friends. You had somebody. Peter had been your best friend since 5th grade. It was amazing how in a matter of seconds anything can happen. Peter just suddenly stopped talking to you. It seemed like Ned was your replacement "enfant stupide." (Stupid kid) you muttered as you ate your sandwich. "Who, Peter..?' You jumped, scared. it was Michelle. You sighed and nodded. Michelle shrugged and spoke up, "I don't know half of what you just said but it seemed hostile.. Not that I care." You continued eating your sandwich, thinking of peter, you knew you had grown feelings; strong ones.

It had become more than a silly crush but you brushed it off. "Its nothing.." you muttered as michelle rolled her eyes and left. 'Why me..? What did I do..?' You thought as you packed you book in your backpack. Making eye contact with Peter, you quickly looked away and leave the cafeteria. Peter shook his head and continued talking to Ned.

Homework had been a big part of Your daily schedule and you never left it for something else. How else were you supposed to get into your favourite college..? Yet, the impossible seemed possible. "It'll be fun.." your friend spoke whilst you huffed on the other end of the phone. "I don't think so.." You responded as you played with a strand of your hair "I have homewo-." Your friend interrupted You “Homework. Blah blah, whats a bit of work when we could go have some fun..?" You sighed and nodded your head. Although your friend couldn't see you. "I'll be there, goodbye." You hung up and sighed, in frustration this time. Getting up, you stretched. 'Great, why do I agree to such things..?' You thought. Stalking toward your closet, you picked out some shorts and a yellow blouse. You was determined to have a fun night although it wasn't your scene. Looking around, you grab ‘Forget me' a book you were determined to finish.

Loud music could be heard and the smell of alcohol was faint but nonetheless could be picked up as you drove through the unfamiliar neighbourhood. Finally reaching the house, You park to the side. Since the houses parking lot is filled to the brim with cars, you can't really park there. Quickly spoting your friend on the lawn, You get out of the car and jog towards her. "hey..!" Your friend shouted making you roll your eyes playfully. "Whats the point of this..?" You asked as you forced a smile. “Listen.." Your friend paused and looked at you seriously. "We're teenagers, live a little. Get yourself out there." You sighed whilst hearing your closest friend talk. "Anyway, I'm gonna go, see ya (nickname)." That little nickname made your heart pang with hurt. Peter used to call you That. You shook your head in sadness and made your way towards the front door. Opening the door, right there and then, your eyes met with Peters'. His glare was impossible to miss. You whimpered quietly and walked towards the living room. "Penis Parker, what's up? So where's your pal Spider-Man? Let me guess: In Canada with your imaginary girlfriend? Oh wait, that's not Spider-Man. That's just Ned in a red shirt" Flash simply pissed you off. The tears built up in your eyes had gone away as anger began to fill you. "Shut up..!" You shouted making Flash stop his djaying. "You keep saying all of this shit yet what are you good for..?" Flash scoffed and kept on djaying, not saying another word. Suddenly, Peter grabbed your shoulder roughly and led you to an unoccoupied bathroom. "What's your deal?!" He sneers "What's your problem?!" You snaps back. This had been the first time in weeks he had spoken to you. "I don't get it, why the fuck are you sticking up for me, so you can break me down all over again..?!" He replies. "W-what are you talking about..?" You were genuinely confused. Tears filled your eyes but you refused to let him see the damage he had caused. "Oh I don't know, that i'm an insolent idiot and more naive than a baby..? How could you do that..?!?" You paused and your eyes widened as you realised what he was talking about.

—Flashback—

You aren’t the gossip type yet you seem to get dragged into it all the time. Flash had spread rumours that you supposedly liked him. You snort. "Please, I would never have a crush on such an insolent idiot. That guy is more naive than a baby. Yea he likes me and we’re friends but I would never like him back" You knew no one could hear what you said or they would tell Flash. Yet, Peter was there listening to the conversation. It was by accident. The poor kid was looking for a trash can. The paper ball in his hand crumpled as he squeezed in anger, sadness, and disappointment. He couldn't believe what his best friend was saying behind his back. Of course it wasn't about him but he thought otherwise. He never heard the word 'Flash' or anything apart from the insult. He had a crush on you and Flash-your friend- accidentally found out so thats why he thought it was about him. It was stupid, really. Ever since then, Peter cut off all connections and led on with his life.

—Flashback Over—

"Peter, I—" You pause, struggling to get the words out. "I wasn't talk-." Peter interrupts you "I fucking hate you!!" He pushes you. whimper leave your mouth and Peter's eyes suddenly turn soft as if he just realises what he did. "Oh m-my god I." You storm out of the bathroom and leave without turning back for some fresh air. getting in your car, you go to the first place that crosses your mind; the place where you would always go with Parker, which was a specific bench in a nearby park. The blinking lights of the streets glare on your window; it had rained that day.

You pulled up at the park and left your car, locking it behind you. The fresh smell of wet leaves bring back memories of the old times. "What the hell happened..?" You muttered sadly.

You walk over to the unoccupied bench which was surprisingly dry. Sitting down, you gets lost in thought. You finally snap back when someone taps her shoulder. Surprised, you look over, "S-Spiderman?" You ask; startled. After You stormed out, Peter decided to follow you, as Spider-man though. He didin't want to fight. "you come here too..?" he asks. You slowly nods, looking down at your feet, "well.. I used to, I don't really pass by here anymore.." You whisper in the silent cold night. "Why not?" he asks, pretending to be curious. You sigh. "just brings back memories that I'd rather forget.." You reply. His heart shattered, "oh.. why?" he manages to say. You look up at the tree in the distance, its' leaves peacefully drifting in the wind, "There's this person that heard me say something that was meant for someone else. T-they thought I was directing it to them.." you said, your eyes flooding with tears. "Well, what happened..?" he asks, trying to untangle the mess that was made, and trying to understand it. "But I don't even know you. Why should I tell you..?" You responded back, barely a whisper. Scratching the back of his head, Spidey shrugged "It's always nice to vent..?" You nodded slowly, "Well, a friend at my school; Flash, had spread false rumors about me liking him, and one of my friends; Peter, overheard me when I said that I'd never like Flash because he is a 'naïve insolent idiot'. But I think my friend didn't hear me say Flash so he didn't know I was talking about Flash.. so..-- so, he took it personally and assumed i was talking about him instead .." you say, disappointed, looking back down. "Its quite stupid actually but now Peter won't talk to me." You vented, tears ran down your cheeks as you closed your eyes. "It hurts, Y'know..? I miss him. His fluffy hair, beautiful eyes, his dorky personality." Peter's heart ached with sadness. How could he have done a thing to such a nice person. At this point he just wanted to hug you tightly and never let you go, to stop you from crying. He was an idiot to think you were talking about him.

"I'm so so sorry.." He spoke out. You laughed sadly, "It's not your fault." You paused for a moment. "Wait, why are you sorry.." You was confused. Spiderman slowly slides the mask off his face, revealing his true identity. You gasp and turn red. "P-Peter?" He looks down at the ground. You quickly realise who you just vented to. You looks over to the distant tree once again, the leaves still softly blowing in the wind and sniffle. He whispers, "Im sorry...for assuming..everything, I-." He stops to think. "I didn't mean to hurt you.." You turns over to look at him. Reaching out his hand, Peter wipes the tears off her rosey cheeks. He cups her face in his hands and looks down. You lift his head up, smile kindly, and whisper softly. “Même après tout ce temps, je t'aime toujours, Peter. Mes sentiments sont-ils destinés à être comme ça pour toujours ?Tout ce que je sais c'est que je t'aime, Peter." (Even after all this time, I still love you, Peter. Are my feelings destined to be like this forever? All I know is I love you, Peter.) Peter looks at you akwardly and thinks as he tries to decifer what you just said. "Uh. Oui oui?" He laughs nervously as you tries to hold back a laugh, "I love you, idiot.~" Peter suddenly smile as if he won the lotto and chuckles. “More than friends?” Peter asks shyly. You lock your lips with his and kiss. “Does that answer your question, Mr.Parker?” You jokingly say. Peter’s cheeks go red as he nods.

"Rose" "Yeah?" "C-Can I kiss you?" "Get over here."

yEeHaw (aka tHe enD)

#peter parker #spiderman #peterparkerimagines #spidermanimagines #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst

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burlybanner · 5 years ago

Text

Syzygy - 7

Syzygy - An AU of Infundo (post-Infundo Chronicles).

Chapter 7: You Can’t Handle the Truth

Summary: It takes a village to raise an alter. Link to Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Note: Alcohol trigger warning.

** "You...wait. You're what? Where?"

Tony smirked behind his sunglasses and Bruce knew something was wrong. Tony's body language was off, really, really off. "Korea," Tony barked. "Emergency SI meeting I couldn't miss. I had to jet out at three am just to make it on time for this fuckin' shithole of a gathering." Tony sighed, ran a hand through his hair.

He's lying. Bruce knew it as soon as Tony finger-combed his hair. He shyly glanced at Steve and noticed the other man's lips had thinned.

So Steve saw it too.

"Well, stay safe then," Steve muttered. "You're gonna be back soon, yeah?"

"Six...seven days. Tops."

"Gonna hold you to that, Tony."

"Yeah," Bruce sighed. He felt his lip quiver as he tried imitating a brave smile. "Miss you."

"Heh. I'll be back before you can say Jack Daniels, Pooh. Can't keep me away. Ciao, lovelies."

And he cut the connection before either Bruce or Steve said anything else.

Steve folded his arms and inhaled while staring at the blank video screen. His cheek jumped as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. "You buy any of that?"

Bruce ran his tongue over his bottom lip and took in Steve's soldier stance. He was livid. Bruce didn't blame him, because he felt the same. "Not a word."

"Mmhm. You buy the whole, 'Hulk broke the GoPro so the feed didn't load' crap either?"

Bruce scratched his neck. "Nope."

Steve snorted angrily and stared at his toes. "Jarvis," he growled. "What protocol's up for last night's north kitchen feed, from say...eleven PM to two AM?"

"Protocol 1-1 A, 2B, B2, B3. Zero. Zero. D. Zero."

"Fuck."

Bruce closely echoed Steve sentiment even if he didn't say it. "Absolute lockdown," Bruce murmured. Hell, he wasn't the computer science genius Tony was. They couldn't view what happened even if they wanted to.

"Hulk...Hulk must've said or done something," Bruce whispered. "That's the only reason--"

"Don't, Bruce. God, please. Don't." Steve drew him close and hugged him, even though he wanted to break down too. "It's not your fault. It's...whatever screw's loose in Tony's head right now. He ran but we're gonna have to let him, until he's ready to come back."

"I...I don't think I can handle not knowing." Bruce shuddered once in Steve's arms then pulled away. "If it's my fault I need to own it. I--I have to. Especially if H-Hulk...if I hu-hurt--"

"Shhh..."

Steve comforted Bruce again and kept his hold on him. God, he was gonna kill Tony for this passive aggressive bullshit.

"I need to find out what happened," Bruce snuffled. He rubbed his nose and quickly wiped under his glasses. "Tony doesn't do this. He wouldn't do this to us. To me."

"I know, Bruce, but--"

"No." Bruce firmly stood his ground. "It's not normal. The clues are around here. We'll...just unearth every rock no matter how ugly it is."

Steve smiled sadly, but gave Bruce a little half-shrug. "Okay. We can try. But where should we search first?"

Bruce paused a moment. "Jarvis," he said. "What are the protocols for the data Tony worked on, prior to late last night?"

"No protocols exist, sir."

A bitter smile broke across his lips. "Good."

Jarvis had private abilities few knew about, ones he'd cobbled together on his own without Tony's prompting. When he discovered Jarvis’ hidden talents, Tony was awestruck but absolutely thrilled: his AI had learned to interrupt the subtleties of negative human behavior to avert mental breakdowns. How cool was that?

"Sir," Jarvis softly prompted. "I know you've muted me, but I feel insistent."

"N'now, J." Tony's slurred speech wasn't unknown to the AI, and Jarvis easily interpreted the garbled words. Video was only partially effective since Tony’s wristwatch angles hampered his abilities, but Jarvis could easily make out a desk and his creator’s slouched posture over a bottle of Glenlivet Reserve, 25y. A twin of the same had also been opened, but not nearly as depleted.

"G'wan...G'wan home."

If the AI could sigh, he would. He did not believe the amount of alcohol consumed was particularly safe. Over the years his creator’s tolerance levels had changed, and it took far less alcohol to endanger the updated safety protocols.

"If you persist, I will need to contact the authorities per emergency health protocol 1, aka, 'Pepper's Law.' " Unbidden, Jarvis monitored Tony's respiratory and heart patterns and immediately ran quick calculations. Alcohol was a known sedative at higher levels, and his creator had not imbibed this heavily in many years. In conclusion, imbibing so much now after a period of comparatively light drinking could cause dangerous consequences.

"You've had thirty ounces of whisky in less than two hours, sir. I'm obliged to, per the vernacular, 'cut you off.' "

"Hmf." Tony sloppily sloshed another shot in his glass but Jarvis wasn't entirely sure if he could recognize the tumbler at this point.

"Sir."

Tony huffed tiredly and stared at the shot glass. But something must have activated within him, as he seemed to ponder the drink and observe it. Then he flung the glass into the trash, along with his second bottle.

"Fuck. Fuckin' sucks, J."

"What does, sir?" Sometimes, Jarvis learned, the best option of all was to keep people talking. He would continue to monitor sir's health levels, and if they dipped below dangerous levels, he would immediately call an ambulance and the hotel concierge. "Oblige me, please."

Tony ran a hand through his hair and the camera angle jarred from the desk and careened back-first onto the bed. Jarvis could review the ceiling, noting the sleek, rotunda designs of a four-star hotel room. "World. Shit. World spins. Spins."

"Alcohol at extreme levels create the illusion of a 'spinning planet,'" Jarvis agreed. "However, it's simply a density difference between the cupula and the fluid in your ear canal--"

Tony chuckled darkly. "Y'sound like 'im."

"Who, sir?"

"Brucie Bear. Juuust like 'im. Fuck. It's...it sucks. He. He's not the same."

"How so, sir? Could you elaborate?" Jarvis made a few other calculations. His creator would, most probably fall into an unconscious state in three minutes or fewer, depending on their conversation. He would continue to monitor his health, however. His BAC would continue to climb but should remain below emergency protocol levels.

Barely.

The voice in the room hitched, and Jarvis' camera jiggled and the feed included a blurry smudge. "I dunno...gotta say, wasn't expectin' it. Me an' Cap, we gotta...gotta change us. Regro. Renog..."

"Renegotiate?" Jarvis offered helpfully.

"Yeah. That. Poor Bruce..."

Tony trailed, and Jarvis wasn't sure if he'd succumbed to sleep. His heart rate and breathing slowed enough to warrant it.

"Jarv," Tony finally mumbled. "He doesn't...does he know?"

"If you're referring to Professor Banner's knowledge of an additional altar, I do not believe so, sir. Not according to what I could determine."

Tony grunted. "We gotta tell 'im. Dunno how. He's gotta know. S'ok to tell 'im, J. I give you permish."

"Understood, sir."

But Jarvis wasn't sure if Tony heard him, as the audio echoed with tortured snoring.

Bruce knew he had maybe a day to piece the clues together. As soon as Tony returned to his right mind he'd be locking down everything left and right to hide the events leading to last night.

"Jarvis," Bruce said. His fingers flew across Tony's keyboard while ideas poured into his head, ideas born from desperation. He glanced at the output before checking his companion notes. "Run 13:52 through 15:40, double speed."

"Same parameters, sir?"

"Yeah."

Bruce tented his fingers and leaned in close, viewing the feed from yesterday's main living room. He was eating cookies, with Steve and Tony fondly looking on. He was a little messier with the crumbs than usual - but...wait. There.

"Jarvis. Pause."

The feed stopped. Tony's expression had changed from lustful abandon to...something less quantifiable. Tony was scrutinizing him, and Bruce drank in Tony’s frozen posture. His boyfriend’s eyes were unnaturally cautious as he checked Bruce out, and it was the same expression Bruce remembered catching at lunch, although the frown fleeted as quickly as Bruce caught it.

Bruce grit his teeth and muttered softly. "Tony, what are you hiding in that big, beautiful brain?"

"Hey."

Bruce startled at Steve's hand on his shoulder. "Sorry. You finished your snack, so now you get four sandwiches with sodas, chips, and a half dozen monster cookies."

Bruce snorted and tore into the food as soon as Steve handed him the bags. He started in on the chicken pesto hoagie and dumped on a few chips, for a crispier crunch. "I could've had the bots get something for me from the kitchen." He tsked when a few globs from his lunch plopped on his shirt.

They provide napkins for a reason, Banner, he sighed, pulling one from a bag and tucking it under his chin.

"Nah. I know you too well. You'll disappear into your project and forget to eat. Can't waste what we've done so far, gotta at least maintain you."

"Mmph." Bruce nodded. He pointed to one soda, noticing it was opened and waiting. "You put in the gainer fuel?"

"Yep. So you'll probably get hungry in a while. But I'm ready." He held up another bag of food.

Bruce chuckled and took giant gulps from his soda bottle.

Steve put down his own bag and ambled over to Bruce's screen. His hooded expression scanned the frozen video feed and Bruce sighed.

"Do you see it?"

"I think so." Steve’s fingers ran across Tony's paused visage. "He's hiding something. Weighing out the pros and cons, mulling over consequences." He frowned at Bruce. "You and he can get like that in the lab, sometimes, and it's impossible to talk to you two when you're like that."

"Sorry." Bruce smiled and threw the empty soda bottle into the recycling bin. "We do go into 'science mode' a lot, leaving you out."

"I'm used to it." Steve seemed to ponder something and anxiously tapped the screen. "But I...may have part of the puzzle. Tony didn't want me to say anything, but due to current events I think I should."

Bruce sat back in his chair with a frown. It popped and squealed under his large frame; Tony mentioned adjusting it soon, but it probably needed changing in the next few weeks the rate he was gaining.

"Enlighten me," he murmured coldly.

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat and pulled a chair to him. He sat and grabbed for Bruce's hand, but Bruce subtly moved it. "Okay, then. It'll probably make you mad to be honest."

"Better angry than clueless." Bruce tapped his fingers against his desk. "Spill it, Steve."

"We had a talk yesterday. During your after breakfast nap."

Bruce turned to face Steve fully, his expression unreadable but undeniably chilly. "What about?"

"I, ah. I told Tony that I thought--" he rifled a hand through his hair and puffed out a gust of air while Bruce kept his glare on him. "It's the Hulk. I told Tony that I thought Hulk... was finding a way into your subconscious to manipulate you."

"What?"

"Yeah. It's a theory, though. I'm not sure if--"

Bruce whipped around to the screen, ignoring Steve while his fingers tore across the keyboard. It couldn't be possible, but hold on. What if--

He brought his gainer formula on the screen and anxiously scanned it, but he couldn't find anything wrong. "There's no way...he couldn't have. He's not that smart..."

"Who, Hulk?"

Bruce put a hand to his lips. Dismay pushed at his temples and created the headache from hell, but this was--no. Hulk didn't. Couldn't. But how?

"Talk to me, Muffin. Please."

He waved off Steve but still felt a hand on his shoulder, trying to be supportive, but it felt wrong somehow. Not right.

"Doctor Banner."

Was that Jarvis?

"Jarvis, unless it's Tony put it on the back burner for me." He brought up the screen with his notes and frantically poured over the minutiae of each section. He told them he hadn't finished the testing phase but Hulk used it anyway - but Hulk couldn't have possibly understood.

Or could he?

He began to shiver. "T--this doesn't feel...right. This--"

"Bruce, sweetheart. Please talk to me. You're getting worked up."

"Doctor Banner. You have a message."

His head felt floaty. He began disassociating and losing his sense of self but he had shit to do they had to find Tony...

"Doctor Banner, please. It's an emergency."

"An...a what?"

"Captain Rogers, I recommend fetching a bottled water from the lab mini refrigerator near Master Stark's console."

"On it, Jarvis."

Steve sounded worried. Why was Steve worried?

"Doctor Banner. Can you hear me?"

"Hh...Yes, Jarvis," he said softly. "I...I'm here."

"Please remain calm."

He jumped when something cold pressed into his trembling hands. "You were turning half green, Bruce," Steve said softly but Bruce barely acknowledged him. It felt hard to breathe. To think. "Drink it. Please."

"You have an emergency message," Jarvis repeated.

"From...who?"

"I was instructed to play a message for you once you reviewed your notes. Please review the video feed piping into your monitor. Should you like, you can ask to view it alone or with Captain Rogers."

"I'd...like to stay," Steve murmured. Bruce could almost feel gentle thumbs digging into his jumpy, tense back muscles. "If that's okay with you."

Bruce gulped down the icy water and let the shock of it clear his mental cobwebs. The hazy feeling mostly evaporated, but he didn't feel 100% normal. "If it's serious, Jarvis, I think Steven and I should see it together." Especially since he couldn't quell the weird feelings of dread suffocating his rational mind. "Thanks, Steve."

Steve slowly massaged Bruce's arms and kissed his temple, further calming him. "Of course."

Bruce suddenly felt pressure on his back and over his shoulders as Steve draped his body over him, covering him like a warm, heavy cloak. The effect grounded him. Made him feel comforted and safe. His synapses began firing like turned switches, nerve to cell, one by one. Steve knew what Bruce needed without saying anything and that's why Bruce loved him so much - he understood the power of timely touch and silence when Bruce so desperately craved it.

"Thank you," Bruce whispered, and he leaned into Steve's strengthening hug.

Fortunately Jarvis knew well enough to wait until he'd calmed down. "I was instructed to preface this recording," he began. "It will be alarming, but it is not a prank. I've also been instructed to freely answer any additional questions, although I am more interested in what the video has to say."

Bruce frowned. "Wait, you didn't view it?"

He imagined the AI would be frustrated, if it had the capacity. "No, Doctor Banner. I was instructed not to until..."

"By who?"

The video began playing.

"By me," the person said.

A person who looked exactly like Bruce.

#polyamory #chubby bruce fic #infundoau #chubby bruce banner #steve rogers #tony stark #bruce banner #american pi #science bros #hulk #stark spangled banner #bhm #chubby kink #syzygy #starkspangledbanner syzygy #professor hulk

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kettlewrites · 7 years ago

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private school!jaemin

*mark’s voice* let’s get it

oh before we get it,, dedicated to my true love @heartmins i love u bb<3

[also it’s longer than i expected so there’s a keep reading]

okay so,,, we’ll call the school Season High ,, like Czennies woot okay so Season High is a pretty well known as it’s one of the biggest private schools in the middle of Seoul

a ton of millionaire kids attend it,,, but how did you get there? last time you checked, you weren’t a big millionaire bathing in money

so you happened to have a dead beat dad who left you when you were younger,,, but would only contact you to give you money for your schooling

you hated him for it, but your mother tried to convince you that it was for the better

either way,, you were attending the top private school.

you weren’t that popular,, as most would think,,,

the bratty girls would tear you to shreds, physically and mentally

ever since you stepped foot into that school,, your life had been a living hell because of those girls

they would call you names, pull your hair and even rip your homework to shreds

but you couldn’t do anything about it because you knew that they could ruin your life completely with a snap of their rich little fingers

throughout the years you lost your happiness,, you were only there just to graduate at this point

which is why you let out a sigh of relief when you realized that senior year was finally here

you were sitting in your new homeroom class, staring out the window as you waited for class to start

a familiar snicker entered your ear causing you to turn your head, it was her

rachel, don’t ask why i knew a mean rachel >:( was standing at the other side of the room with her group of friends just staring at you

“i guess it’ll be one last year together isn’t that right y/n?” she smiles before taking her seat

a groan bounced off your chest before you turned back to look out the window

noticing a group of guys in the courtyard, laughing and playing with each other

you hadn’t seen half of them before,, actually you hadn’t seen all but one before today

perhaps they were transfers from another town or school

this,, is where jaemin comes in

jaemin was apart of the group of guys

he was celebrating with his friends that they were finally in their senior year,, donghyuck and renjun being transfers from different towns as jeno was just coming back from studying abroad to graduate with with his best friend

“senior year~” renjun sighs as they walked into the prestigious building, “i never thought i’d see the day.”

“is your crush in your homeroom again?” hyuck teases

jaemin laughs,, which causes all the underclassmen girls to swoon at their lockers

did i mention that jaemin had everyone wrapped around his dainty finger?

he wasn’t apart of any stuck up, rich kid clique,, it was more because of his handsome aura and kindness to everything/one

the kid could smile and everyone’s world lights up

he literally makes the ugly school uniform look like something that came off the runway

sadly,, the boys were separated in homerooms so jaemin walked to his alone

he was in your homeroom, cliche isn’t it?

not really,, remember how you only knew one boy out of the group,, because you knew jaemin

he had been in your homeroom every year,, and you were actually thankful for it

because even if you didn’t have many friends,, nor a good standing with the people in the school

jaemin was still the nicest to you,, which at first you didn’t understand why because what did he gain from it?

in his eyes he gains the world,, and one of the greatest friends ever

as soon as he enters the room,, he spots you at the back of the room

HIS ENTIRE WORLD LIGHTS UP

because like how he makes underclassmen swoon,, you make him completely melt

that crush hyuck was talking about? oh yeah,, that was you

maybe it developed in freshman year when you two first met on the staircase

where he found you crying after rachel poured milk on you during lunch

where he sat there,, and skipped two class periods just to comfort you even though you two just met

or maybe it was during maths,, when he was obviously struggling and you offered to help him because you felt like you owed him after he comforted you

and he thought you were an angel sent from heaven,, as you bit onto your pencil trying to figure out a way to explain how the concept worked

or was it sophomore year?

when you two had biology together,, and you would always skip every other week just to sit in the courtyard and eat five boxes of pocky and talk about the meaning of life

possibly it could’ve been junior year,, when you stepped out of your comfort zone (mainly cause your mom made you lets be completely real) and went to the junior prom,,

and there you were,, looking incredible and jaemin spent the entire night with you

with stars in his eyes and his heart on a treadmill

well whenever it was,, jaemin knew he had a H U G E crush on you

okay,, so he takes the seat right next to you and slams his hand on your desk

“good morning!”

it earns a jump from you,, and you were about to curse at him but the teacher walks in

so,, after receiving your schedule you realized that you had almost every class with jaems

which jaemin is ecstatic about,, like out of the roof

but lunch comes around ,, and you go to your usual area which is just hanging around in the library and eat your sandwich or something while using one of the computers for an hour

and jaemin is just being a giddy, happy pup while eating lunch with the boys

they all have at least two classes together,, except for renjun who sadly only one class with jeno but at least he has the same lunch with everyone right?

so,,, flash forward ~

it’s maybe two months into the school year

you’ve basically been spending your schooldays with jaemin,, and finally a week ago you started having lunch with the boys

finally,,, you had friends

you and jaemin were still,, great friends but you noticed that you had been viewing him differently this year

maybe it was a few weeks ago,, but you started thinking about him constantly

his breathtaking smile,, his amazing laugh,, or the way his eyes constantly had a twinkle in them

and you,,, were sitting in BC Calculus and when you looked over to jaemin that’s when you feel your heart flip in your chest for the first time

now it happens at least ten times a day,, and you’re going completely insane

but you know who was going just as insane as you were?

na jaemin

because ,,, homecoming was coming up and he had no idea how to ask you,,, bc he decided that this was the year he needed to grow the balls to just ask you out finally

he wrote out so many ideas down before getting to the perfect idea

something that would win you over,,, right?

let’s just hope

and the time had come,, and jaemin was already running in circles because the worse thing that could ever happen,,, happened

it was pouring down,, and his plan was suppose to happen outside in the courtyard,, where the friendship had firstly blossomed

but who cared,, because he still asked you to meet him in the courtyard during lunch

“are you being serious? jaemin it’s pouring outside.”

“y/n please,, it’s really important.”

you were in a dilemma too because you just couldn’t say no so you agreed to meet him out there even if you had a chance of being struck by lightening

the clock was ticking down,, jaemin had skipped english and was scrambling around the school to get the stuff ready

when the bell rang, you made your way down to the courtyard cursing under your breath as the rain pelted down onto you

and there he was,, just standing there completely drenched with a giant smile that you could see from a mile away

you couldn’t help laughing when you were standing face to face with him

“so what was so important for you to drag me out here na jaemin?”

“i wanted to ask you something.” he was internally screaming

you raised an eyebrow, even though he probably couldn’t see it and took a step closer to him

his hand goes to grab yours, he dry swallows before going to say what was on his mind

“ᶦ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶦ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ʸᵉᵃʳˢ ⁿᵒʷ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵒʰ ᵐʸ ᵍᵒᵈ ʸᵒᵘʳ ˢᵐᶦˡᵉ ᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ᵐᵉ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰʳᵒʷ ᵐʸˢᵉˡᶠ ᵒᶠᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵒᵒᶠ ᵇᵘᵗ ʰᵉʸ ᶦ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶦᵗ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵐᵉᵃⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵒʳˡᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉ ᶦᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵍᵒ ᵗᵒ ʰᵒᵐᵉᶜᵒᵐᶦⁿᵍ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵐᵉ“

“i can’t hear you over the rain jaems.” you shout, “what did you say?”

“I REALLY LIKE YOU PLEASE CAN YOU JUST GO TO HOMECOMING WITH ME.” he shouts, startling you

your eyes widen but instantly a smile grows on your face, “you like me?”

he nods, his cheeks grow hot and flush a bright red but it was too dark outside to even notice

“thank god.” you finally say after processing your emotions, “thank fucking god because i really like you too.”

so yeah, you two end up going to homecoming together

and at the end of the night,, even though you both didn’t make it official official,, everyone accepted you two as a couple,, you and jaems did too

but now here you two were,, standing outside of your house at midnight

the stars were shining and he was holding your head gently

you turned to go inside but jaemin pulls you back and for a second he just stares before looking at your lips

“can i kiss you?” he asks softly, his cheeks flushing a soft tint of pink

“of course you—“

and that’s when it happens. his lips were pressed against yours, moving ever so softly as you two stood your door lamp. something about it was magical, maybe because you had daydreamed about this since you two confessed to each other. you didn’t want it to stop,, but you two needed to breathe

and yeah,, i honestly don’t know how to end this so yeah this is how i’m gonna end this. whoops sorry it’s literally trash ;; i thought i was out of my rut but apparently im not :[ maybe i’ll delete this,, but who knows

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tomhollandhasnolips · 6 years ago

Text

stakeout-hikaru aihara x reader

wazZa im back and not going away :D but ok so IMP NOTE PLS READ: i actually had this fic written out for a while, but i didnt know how to do the whole "read more/ keep reading" thingy thru my phone, and i searched it up a lot, and imma test it out here, so im sorry if it doesnt work and y'all have to scroll :(

"But why am I coming with?!" You whined while Hikaru dragged you out of the hotel, to spy one of Soryu's rival's subordinates.

"Because I need my entertainment with me. Plus lord knows what you might do if I'm not there babysitting you."

"That was rude. And shut up about babysitting me, I'm the one that needs to keep their eyes on you since you're always messing shit up." You grumbled.

The entire ride towards the rented apartment you tried to zone out your boyfriend's constant snickering about him "babysitting" you, key word: tried.

"Well, we're here." He sighed after killing the engine. You looked over your surroundings through the windshield, arms crossed. "This looks pretty shady." You muttered, unlocking your seat belt.

"You don't have to worry about that."

It may have been a casual statement, but it did put your heart at ease. You both got out of the car, and while walking towards the building your hands naturally molded into each other.

"I still don't get why we're even here. Doesn't Soryu have like, i don't know, his own men that can do this?"

You asked him while he clicked the room's elevator number. The doors opened, and the two of you let out a disgusted shudder at the condition of it. "Yes, he does, but the thing is, dingus, that his enemy or whatever has already seen most of the dragons, plus I already had a favour to return." He explained, trying not to gag at the pungent smell inside.

The doors closed, and the elevator started to move up with a jerk. It shook as it moved up and instinctively moved closer to Hikaru and clutched onto his arm. "Babe calm down you're not gonna die or anything." His words would have reassured you, but since he'd pinched his nose with his hand his voice came out all funny and you couldn't help but crack up.

"Nice, I try to calm your jumpy nerves and you laugh at m-".Before he could finish the lift jerked yet again, but this time to a stop.

"That was fast."

We begin towards the door in front of us, and keep walking till we get to ours. He opens the door, and you were actually pretty surprised at how decent it was, compared to the condition of the lift. Hikaru spreads his arms out and dramatically sighs, "Ah, home sweet home."

"Geez, can you ever shutup?"

You roll your eyes and wander around the room, while he sets up his equipment by the window.

You make you way to the kitchen, and curiously swipe a finger across the counter, and immediately regret your decision when you find a thick, dark layer of dirt on it. You try to get it off before your dust allergy gets to you, but sadly, it was a failed attempt.

You cover your face with your arm and blindly run out, trying to avoid your health from deteriorating and slammed right into Hikaru's body. His hands grip your upper arms to prevent you from stumbling, moving the hand that was hiding your face. You look up at him, with droopy eyes, mouth open and nose red from sneezing so much.

"Oh man why'd you have to be so nosy, Rudolph?" He snickers, and starts chuckling after realising he made a pun.

You sneezed again, and snot went flying everywhere because he'd held your arms and you could swear you'd never seen him look this disgusted at anything. Not even the elevator.

"Pfft, I'm not even gonna say sorry. You brought this on yourself sir."

He ran to the washroom to clean himself up, and you made yourself comfortable on the windowsill. Your eyes went to his equipment and you instantly ran to it. After going through most of it, you grabbed at his binoculars, and the first thing you see, was Hikaru's enlarged face right in front of you.

You let out a gasp and threw the binoculars back on the table, while he sank in laughter.

"It wasn't even that funny shut up." You went back to the windowsill and pouted. Hikaru was just about to say something when you both noticed the lights turn on in the other building. "That's our man." Hikaru whispered and sat next to you. You placed both hands on the windowsill, and peered out. He put his right hand next to yours, and his left hand went around you and placed itself on yours. Then he pressed his chest into your back. You leaned into him and let out a deep sigh as his scent engulfed you, and calmed your nerves. His hands suddenly moved from the window and wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his lap. "Hikaru, you gotta work." You whispered, and his face nested on your shoulder. "I can work from here."

A few blissful moments later though, you got up and bedgrudgingly went back to the kitchen to make two hot chocolates and sandwiches. While the milk warmed up, you peeked out to see Hikaru typing furiously on his laptop. Smiling, you prepared two simple grilled cheese sandwiches and went back to him. You gave him one and started to eat the other, after you seated himself on his lap. A hand held you while one of his legs shifted, and then went back to typing. You looked at the screen, trying to understand something, anything, but that did not work out and you just ended up with a headache. You got up, and went back to the kitchen for your hot chocolates, and turned the stove off. You put the milk into two cups and mixed melted chocolate into it. Taking a sip, you went back to your beloved boyfriend, who still hadn't touched his sandwich. Rolling your eyes, you straddled him, blocking his view of the laptop. "____, I was working!" You shushed him and handed him a cup.

"Health first, work later."

After you drank the hot chocolates, the two of you walked over to kitchen to clean the utensils.

"Scooch over, you keep bumping into me." Hikaru whines, while knocking your hips with his. Without thinking, you sprayed him with water, and soon a full blown water fight had begun.

Hikaru was just about to throw a soapy water soaked sponge on you until you screamed and threw yourself at him.

"Wait, shit. What about the guy we were supposed to watch over?"

"Ah, I'm pretty sure Soryu can take care of it." He shrugged and then twisted two sides of the sponge, right over your head.

This was going to be a long night.

#hikaru aihara #kbtbb fic #kbtbb hikaru #kissed by the baddest bidder #kissed by the baddest bidder headcanons #kissed by the baddest bidder fluff #idek anymore

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whaleyoufeedmenuggets · 6 years ago

Note

Im too lazy to look at the questions so DO ALL OF THEM. (if you dont wanna then go on a random number generator and get 5 random numbers)

ITS REALLY LONG BUT I DID IT KJSHADJS HERE GOES i love oversharing my lifealso im putting a read more line bc its hella long

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

ehhh depends on my mood. i’d say it’s (dark) chocolate most of the time (love that 70% dark chocolate mmMmMm)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy!! except when it gets all over my face and hair o no

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

common report book comments included

- very active

- bright

- “the live wire of the class”

- usually distracted but still does well

- mischievous

- playful

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

bottles so that i can close it and save the rest for later and not have to chug it yeet

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

sportswear #sweatpantsalldayeveryday

7. earbuds or headphones?

def headphones but they’re inconvenient sometimes :/

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows!! (also, my adhd ass can’t get through a movie without zoning out oops)

9. favorite smell in the summer?

i haven’t experienced /real/ summer (thank u singapore’s tropical climate) but i rly like the smell of rain :”)

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

making up excuses to skip pe

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

belvitas before morning practice

croissant sandwich and chocolate milk after practice

if there’s no practice, then scrambled eggs from the dining hall lolol

if i’m too lazy to go to the dining hall, then cereal

12. name of your favorite playlist?

it’s literally called jams and the description is “a clusterfuck of stuff i’ve jammed to at some point”

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

gummy bears/sour patch kids

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

death of a salesman - arthur miller

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

with one foot up on the chair and the other leg sitting normally

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

a pair of asics sneakers

18. ideal weather?

15ºc/60ºf when its like cool but not too cold but also not ridiculously hot and also when theres no insane wind (a light breeze is fine)

19. sleeping position?

on my left side and hugging a pillow/bolster/soft toy

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

i like the feeling of pen and paper but im disorganized as hell so an apple pencil + ipad makes a good enough substitute

21. obsession from childhood?

frogs (i’ve loved them since i was 3 hehe)

22. role model?

a dude i used to train with for a while in 2014. he retired last year but he’s always looked out for me like an older brother since we trained together (he’s 8 years older than me lmao) and even thought i’m so far away rn he still checks in on me and stuff and idk he’s probably one of the swimmers i respect the most.

23. strange habits?

i cant fall asleep at night if im not hugging something. like. it could be a pillow. or a soft toy. literally anything. once on a school trip i hugged a pair of sweatpants to sleep bc i legit cant fall asleep if im not hugging something.i have no problem falling asleep in class/on buses/cars/planes though.

24. favorite crystal?

idk i never really paid enough attention to crystals to actually have a favorite and know their names. they’re all rly pretty tho.

25. first song you remember hearing?

uhh h h i honestly can’t remember. probably some classical music bc i played the violin and that was my first experience of music that i was actually aware of????

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

switch on the aircon and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch. and swimming outdoors i guess.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

switch on the heater and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch.

do u see a pattern here

28. five songs to describe you?

jet lag - simple plan (bc time zones suck and i miss my fam & friends)

avalanche - bring me the horizon (pretty much sums up how tf my brain feels)

high hopes - p!atd

astronaut - simple plan

the reckless and the brave - all time low

29. best way to bond with you?

doing dumb shit with me

also Quality Time™️ like idk even if we’re chilling and doing our own shit i like just spending time with people im comfortable enough with

30. places that you find sacred?

idk

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

a hoodie and sweatpants

for no reason other than that’s what i wear 90% of the time

32. top five favorite vines?

I AM CONFUSION!!! AMERICA EXPLAIN

this bitch empty. yeet.

im in my mom’s car VROOM VROOM

the one of that dad playing the saxophone (???) and the kid slamming the oven door open and shut

road works ahead “haha yea sure hope it does!”

33. most used phrase in your phone?

either lmao or lolol or LMFAO or yeet

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

gOD i had spotify ads stuck in my head all the time before i switched to premium and now i cant remember any of them (thank god)

35. average time you fall asleep?

i’d say 12:30-1ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

the tROLL FACE MEME LIKE those rage faces idk what they’re called but BASICALLY THOSE 2010-2012 era memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

suitcase!!! i like sitting on them and yeeting myself around on them or getting people to push me around and then falling off

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

ngl i havent had either of them before

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

so in jc2 (aka 12th grade), for some reason PEOPLE WERE PUTTING PRE-PACKAGED HARD BOILED EGGS ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. like they were still in their wrappers and all but u could open ur schoolbag and find like 5 eggs in there. and no one knew where they came from. i think at one point there were even eggs hanging from the pull-up bars. all i know is that they were everywhere and people in my batch still remember it as the egg invasion of acjc.

41. last person you texted?

my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

def jacket!!! especially when they have zips hehe

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

idk man depends on my mood

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi bc im a fricken nerd

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

shirt and sweats

47. favorite type of cheese?

cheddarrr also i like mozzerrella sticks

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

a fineapple B)

lmao jk ummmm maybe a watermelon bc when u hit it it sounds hollow, just like how my skull would sound if someone hit it (h a)

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

here for a good time not for a long time

never give up without a fight

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

idk probably some dumb meme. i laugh at a lot of stuff like i laugh anything even mildly funny. some that i can think of off the top of my head are:

- i was tryna type ducky but typed fucky instead and sOmEOnE (could be the person who submitted this ask, idk tho) changed my facebook messenger nickname to fucky and the notification was like ”poopy butthole changed your nickname to fucky” and i think that’s still the funniest sentence i’ve read in my whole life

- one time we went to mcdonalds and a friend said mcfluffy instead of mcflurry and idk why but i laughed so hard at that

- once @doduo and i spent half a chinese lesson cutting out random faces from the chinese newspaper and sticking them randomly all over the classroom and idk. it was the funniest thing ever. until the teacher came over and confiscated my scissors rip.

51. current stresses?

- an essay draft (that i am procrastinating rn by doing this, oops)

- CANADIAN TRIALS (but thats a good kind of stress)

- submitting a proposal for a group project but none of my groupmates are freaking replying my texts ugh

52. favorite font?

avenir next!! i find san serif fonts way easier to read than serif lolol.i like helvetica neue too.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry af but also i just got my nails done so they pretty rn hehe

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i…havent had a real job yet

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk i was never rly one for fairy tales even as a kid.

56. favorite tradition?

chinese new year when we get CASH and we spend 3 days just eating junk yEET im rly sad im gonna be missing it the next few years tho

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

hh h h hh hhh hh hh they’re pretty personal i don’t /really/ wanna put it out here but i can text you the answer to this if you want (i’m perfectly fine with that!!)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

- i think i’m pretty intuitive!!! i can guess anyone’s mbti if i’ve spent enough time with them/gotten a detailed enough description of them /winks/ and i can read people pretty well in general and i can draw links to themes/symbols in lit pretty well….???

- i’m somewhat decent at lettering…i think

- i’m good at pull-ups and also vertical jumps i’m secretly a froge

- i’m decent at photography…i guess….

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

yeet

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

pokemon !!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

/sweats/ i’m not very good at remembering lines from books/movies/shows WELP

62. seven characters you relate to?

JAKE PERALTA - b99

rosa diaz - b99

linguine - ratatouille (he’s permanently confused and he let a ratto take over his job bc he had no idea what he was doing like damn what a big mood)

dory - finding nemo/finding dory (i relate to the forgetfulness)

percy jackson

kale bae /winks/

mitt (during bad phases) /winks again, but sadly/

63. five songs that would play in your club?

idek man i wouldnt even be at my own club i’d be at home taking a nap i’ll just ask someone else to handle my playlist

64. favorite website from your childhood?

club penguin !!!

65. any permanent scars?

yE one of them was from jumping onto a treadmill going at 13km/h 2 years ago bc i thought i was a good idea

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont have any

67. good luck charms?

i eat pancakes for breakfast on meet days!!!! altho i think this is more of a habit than a good luck charm tbh lmao.

also i guess pip???? he’s my emotional support narwhal :’)

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

durian. i cant stand the stuff or anything flavored like it ugh.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

red food coloring is derived from beetles

70. left or right handed?

right

71. least favorite pattern?

overly-floral patterns i guessssss. also i hate wearing stripes.

72. worst subject?

chinese

besides that, math and physics

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i rly like vanilla ice cream and fries

also i would eat ketchup with nearly anything

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

i usually just suck it up and go to sleep when it comes to pain but i guess an 8??? idk. i usually take advil/ibuprofen only for fevers

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i got my first loose tooth on january 11 2005 and it fell out on january 18 2005 & it was a tuesday (pls don’t ask me how i remember this bc i dont know)

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

tater tots

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

cactus i guess. idk im not good at plants.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

grocery store sushi (it was pretty decent in singapore so yeeeee lmao also i ate a lot of that as a kid)

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

its the same photo for both so yeAh

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

idk i always called them fireflies

82. pc or console?

console I LOVE THE FEEL OF BUTTONS

83. writing or drawing?

drawing (more like doodlign for me bc i cant draw for shit)

84. podcasts or talk radio?

neither but if i rlllllly had to choose then podcasts i guessss s sss

84. barbie or polly pocket?

neither LMAO i gave all my barbies haircuts when i was a kid bc i didnt know what to do with them

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology for sure!! i love greek mythology (may or may not be bc of percy jackson lolol)

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear?

losing those i love and care about (could be drifting or actual death it goes both ways)

88. your greatest wish?

rn, for my essay to write itself

for the short-term, to make the olympics (and WUGs…and worlds…and sea games…and asian games…and commonwealth games lmao)

for the long-term, uhhh idk. i just wanna live a life i’m satisfied with and to have a job i actually like and to be able to support my parents

89. who would you put before everyone else?

my mom

90. luckiest mistake?

i always say that i regret doing a year of college in singapore instead of coming here for freshman year but if i’d come in a year earlier like i was supposed to, i proba wouldn’t have made it past swim team tryouts and i made some pretty great friends in my first year of college soooo it all worked out i guessi cant think of any others rn

91. boxes or bags?

bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights are rly pretty!!but i like natural light :”)

93. nicknames?

deb

debs

debo

debbo

alpha childuhh h h i think thats about it??? i cant remember any others

94. favorite season?

spring’s pretty great rni like fall too (before it gets cOLd)

95. favorite app on your phone?

insta/tumblr/telegram

96. desktop background?

a photo of me looking rly cool at the starting blocks before a race B)

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4 - mine (singapore & US), my mom’s and my dad’s

98. favorite historical era?

uhh h h idk the ice age seemed pretty cool haha sike it was actually coldmedieval times seemed pretty cool too like damn i want a suit of armorWHEW I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS but i had fun so yeet

also if you read all the way down here ily and you’re cool

#ask #this was hella long #but also hella fun

3 notes · View notes

specialmindz · 6 years ago

Photo

“YIP! YIP!”

A small annoying dog bounced around the two little skeletons, hoping for one of them to drop one of their tasty frozen treats.

“YIP, YIP YIP YIP!”

“i think he wants your ice cream bro...” said Sans slyly.

“ALL HE’S GONNA GET IS MAH FOOT UP HIS ASS! DIS MY ICE CWEAM! GO WAY DOODY-DOG!”

“YIP YIP!” The dog continued to run about, completely oblivious to the infant’s anger.

“pap, it’s melting.”

“*GASP!*” Frantically, Papyrus lapped at his cone, not wanting his hand and sleeve to get sticky and gross. He usually waited until his ice cream was gone before intentionally getting messy like a good baby, but this dog was proving to be quite a distraction.

“YOU WANNA DIE DOGGY? IS DAT WHAT YOU WANT? I USE YO’ FUR AS A BLANKY!”

“why don’t you just give him a little lick pap? just a little one.”

“Nyeh?” Pap looked at him quizzically. “You want me to lick da’ pup?”

“no-”

“I lick em’ on da’ snout?”

“no bro, you’re not listening to me.”

And the baby continued not to listen, giving the dog a small lick on the nose. Maybe if the doggy thought Papyrus was a friend, he would stop trying to get at his ice cream.

Friends didn’t take friend’s ice cream.

“There you go doody-dog! We friends now, so you go home.”

The dog pawed at his nose and whimpered, not liking how the air was now suddenly too chilly in that particular area.

“you’re so gross pap, heh heh heh!”

“Nyeh? YOU GOSS! I gots to protect mah cweam cause’ SOMEBODY won’t look after me!”

“i have one hp bro! whaddya’ want me to do, kick em’? he’ll bite me and i’ll die papyrus.”

“Throw a snowball then lazybones! Im-po-vise!”

“now if i do that, i’ll have to hold my cone in one hand or it’ll get dirty, and eventually my arm will get tired and then i’ll have a problem.”

“YOU HAVE A PROBLEM NOW!”

“not with these i don’t,” said Sans pulling out an old CD player and ear buds. The batteries were long dead, but luckily for him, Papyrus didn’t know that. He could pretend not to hear him as long as the infant didn’t start wondering why he never heard anything despite his older brother turning the volume up whenever he yelled.

“Why you gotta ignore the baby Snas? I gots a per-dicament over here and you’s not helping me...”

“...”

“...I hope you drop your stupid stink phallic ice cweam.”

“my ice creams not phallic!”

“Yes it is. Why you so cweepy Snas? Don’t you want friends?”

“I’M creepy?! my ice cream’s just like this, i didn’t make it! besides, who pretends his spaghetti noodles are snakes?”

“I does! Da’ meatballs be eggies,” said the baby smiling. “The biggest noodle be the mama snake and I’s the bird that gobbles em’ all up! Nyeh heh heh!”

“...”

“Then I eats the eggs.”

Sans chuckled and slurped up some juice from his popsicle. “you eat the eggs huh? you know there are babies in those eggs...”

“...Nyeh?”

“yep. little baby snakes.

“Nuh uh! The eggs be for the snake’s breakfast! People don’t eat babies!”

“uh, yeah they do bro. where do you think baby snakes come from? you think the mom just poops them out?”

“Yes.”

“no. no pap, they come from eggs.”

Papyrus’s eyes filled with tears. “I’s eating babies...?”

“uh..”

Oh crap!

“Nyeh…nyeehhh…”

“no! no no no, don’t cry! you’re PRETENDING to eat babies! your meatballs are made of meat pappy.”

“Meat of baby?”

“no bro, they’re probably made of magic.”

“Magic babies?”

“NO.”

Note to self, don’t feed Pappy eggs.

“Is dis ice cweam made of baby?” The baby bones held up his melting ice cream.

“*sigh* no bro, it’s not. just eggs.”

“But there be a talking snowman over in Snowdin. Maybe dis ice cweam be his baby!”

“nope.”

“But maybe it is! Maybe da’ ice cweam man be evil big Buther! Maybe he steals the snowman babies and sells em’ on da’ market!”

“…i highly doubt that.”

“I bet he do. I bet he evil as hell! You just like him cause’ he give you food.”

“hey screw you pal, I like him cause’ he’s cheap-”

“YOU CHEEP! YOU SELL YOUR MORALITY FOR SWEETS! You’s bad big Buther, you’s bad and I’m telling Daddy!”

“you do that.”

“I’m gonna! Imma tell upon you and destroy da’ ice cweam man too!”

“the hell you will! you leave that monster alone papyrus!”

“NYEH HEE HEE! IMMA SAVE DA’ BABIES!”

“GET BACK HERE!”

The infant took off like a bullet, the dog and Sans right on his heels.

“YIP YIP!”

“GET LOST DOODY-DOG! I’S RUNNING OVER HERE!”

“TRIP HIM! TRIP HIM DOG!”

“DON’T TRIP DA’ BABY!”

“YIP, YIP YIP!”

“Huh?” The ice cream man tilted his head from behind the umbrella of his cart to try and spot where the commotion was coming from. “Aw-hawww, are you three having fun?”

“RUN DUDE! FUCKING RUN!!”

“DIE BABY-KILLER!!”

BLOOSH!

Two Gaster Blasters fired in succession, one incinerating the ice cream man’s hat.

“AHHH! WHAT THE HELL KID?!”

“NYEHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”

BLOOSH!

“WHY IS HE ATTACKING ME? SANS YOU SWORE HE WOULDN’T ATTACK ME!”

“YOU’S SELLING BABIES ON DA’ MARKET!”

BLOOSH!

“SANS GET YOUR CRAZY BROTHER!!” Screamed the cart-owner ducking down. It was a miracle he hadn’t been killed yet, but if this kept up…

“I’M TRYING! BRO STOP!”

“I GOTS TO SAVE THE BABIES SNAS!”

“THE ICE CREAM’S NOT MADE OF BABIES, IT’S MADE OF MILK!”

“Nyeh?” Papyrus stopped. “But is all frozen and-“ looking down at his ice cream, he saw that it was no longer frozen; the heat wafting in from Hotland had melted it, leaving only bits of magic strawberries behind.

“*SLUUURP!* EWWWW! Dis NASTY! It taste like medi-sin! You trying to get baby high? You work wit Jerry?”

“yeah pap. he’s the high cream man, heh heh heh!”

“…Go home Snas.”

“YIP YIP YIP!” The little dog joyfully lapped up the drippings of the cone, seemingly oblivious to the whole situation. The monster behind the cart was sadly however, NOT so ADHD.

“Why don’t you BOTH go home? Just-just all of you GO HOME.”

“wh-why me? What’d I do?”

“What’d you do? You made a joke instead of I dunno, maybe TELLING YOUR BROTHER NOT TO MURDER PEOPLE?”

“…it was just a joke. I was just trying to lighten the mood a lil’ bit, chill out.”

“It’s not the joke Sans, it’s the fact that you ignored what just happened. I’ve seen you two playing alone for a long time now and it’s because of THIS that you ARE alone. You can’t just ignore your brother’s dangerous behavior or it’s going to get worse-”

“whatever!” exclaimed Sans, highly offended. “who are you to tell me how to raise MY family? you don’t know me OR my bro! pap’s just a baby, i’m sorry he can’t control his emotions ALL the time! i’m not his dad anyway, he’s not MY responsibility-”

“You’re not much of a brother either. Why don’t you try a bit more discipline or something? If that doesn’t work, maybe you should consider putting him somewhere he can’t hurt people.”

“Nyeh…?”

“i’ll keep that in mind. in the meantime, maaaybe you should consider minding your own business?”

“You sending me away…?”

“of course not baby bro,” said Sans, kneeling down and placing a hand on the infant’s shoulder. “you mean the world to me! who’d want to get rid of such a cute baby anyway?”

“Dat’s too…but is also too dat you don’t gots many friends. Is dat really cause’ of me?”

“Of course not,” said a voice from around the corner. “These people are just idiots. Idiot cowards.”

“flowey!”

“Yes yes, it’s Flowey the flower. Here to save the day once again. What seems to be the problem here?”

“This baby-”

“That question was rhetorical. We OBVIOUSLY have another case of a full grown adult picking on a child. Shocker.”

“HE ATTACKED ME!”

“The baby attacked you? With what?”

“With his magic cannon things!”

“He attacked you with his magic?”

“Yes!”

“That thing that EVERYBODY has? That thing YOU have?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“…”

“Look, I know what you’re getting at talking…flower…but I can’t just fight a baby-”

“Why not? If Papyrus is being a turd-sandwich then Beat. His. Ass. Simple.”

“Um, Dirtbutt, you’s not helping me very good…”

“Who says I’m here to help you? Hit the road thumb-sucker.”

“GRR! NYEH!” With all the strength a little baby bones could muster, Papyrus angrily threw his empty cone at the big-mouthed traitor in front of him, hoping to at LEAST cover him in yucky pink goo. Instead it hit the wall with a *CUSH!* and merely splattered on the ground; Waterfall’s runoff quickly washing it away.

“Nice shot, you’re a regular Robin Hood-”

“STUPID STINK FLOWER!”

“bro, no! we don’t throw things!”

“Sometimes I do…”

“no we don’t!”

“But sometimes I do…”

“He’s trying to tell you that you SHOULDN’T throw things,” said the ice cream man preparing another cone. No doubt the baby would want another one and anyone’s G was good G in his opinion, especially in these hard times. The ice cream man was one of the more profitable jobs in the Underground because of the importance people placed on their children, but his image needed to be maintained. Calm, patient, and kind; that was the ice cream man, and he was good at it. Sans had even once called him the Nice cream man as a joke and more and more people were beginning to catch on to the name. Hopefully one day his son would take over the family business, but until then…

“Would you like another cone? This time be sure to stay away from Waterfall’s exit, it tends to get a bit hot there.” He held the cone out to the infant with a smile, hoping the brothers both would forgive and forget their little argument.

WHAP!

“NOBODY WANTS YOUR STUPID MEDICATED ICE CREAM!” shouted Flowey, slapping the cone out of the monster’s hand. Papyrus quickly caught it using his Wingdings and looked at it curiously.

“Dis health cweam? Dis good for the baby?”

“Yes it is,” replied the ice cream man glaring at the plant. “It’s a special blend that’s easy to eat and heals children too young for adult medicine and foods. That’s why it’s so popular…speaking of medication,” his glare softened. “Are you in need of first aid? You’re a plant, but you look like you just came from Hotland…”

“I came from the Lab actually. And do you know WHY I came from the Lab?”

“Oooh ooh! Pick me! Baby knows!”

“Yeah? I bet Smiley knows too, don’tcha buddy?”

“…is it because I left you there-”

“IT’S BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME THERE!!”

The ice cream man slowly began to move his cart away towards Snowdin, hoping no one would notice him leaving. He didn’t know who this flower was, but he’d served customers like this before. The extra G was NOT worth the headache he was currently getting…nor was a cave-in.

“how’d you get past the lava entrance?”

“I FREAKING RAN SMILEY!”

The tiny plant dipped his burning roots in one of Waterfall’s shallow puddles. For a moment there, he didn’t think he would make it. It took a massive amount of courage and Determination to even attempt the journey, but with the help of his cabin fever, he found the strength to take a chance at freedom. Now though he had another problem.

Where am I gonna find a new place to photosynthesize?

I had Alphys’s sun lamps in the Lab, but here…

“I need to find a place with good sun…”

“Da’ Ruins gots good sun…”

“Huh?”

“bro, you’ve seen the sun?!”

“Where? Where is it?”

I’m NOT going back to that stupid lab.

“Is where dat big-ass door be…and da’ doggy door.”

“YIP YIP!”

“Big door…?”

Flowey thought back a long time ago to when he and Chara used to explore the Underground. He remembered a bright field of flowers, but that was in the opposite direction in the throne room near their home…and it didn’t have a door.

A big door…a big door…

“Ugh, I can’t remember what you’re talking about!”

“Nyeh?”

“Uh, I mean, I HEARD about the door, from one of your dad’s phone calls, but I don’t remember what he said.”

“…”

“YIP YIP YIP!”

“SHUT UP FUR BAG! YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANY ICE CREAM!”

Was there ever a door Chara couldn’t get through? One with a doggy door?

“i wanna see the sun…” said Sans quietly.

“You wanna see da’ sun? Why big Buther? It hurt your eyes and make you hot.”

“the sun is the biggest star in the world though pap…”

“THE SUN’S A SPARKLY?!”

“yep, and it’s bigger than ANYTHING.”

“Bigger than Fluffy Buns?!”

“yep!”

“Bigger than yo’ head?!”

“…yeah.”

“If you’ve seen the sun Trashbag, then WHY are you asking how big it is?”

“…I only see it a widdle bit from a hole in da’ ceiling…and only sometimes. Is when da’ doody dog go home. There be a hole behind his com-poo-ter dat leads to the Ruins and udder paces too.”

“the dog...has a computer. right.”

“Where is this door?”

“just ignore him flowey, he’s obviously lying,” said Sans extremely disappointed.

“No he’s not.”

“how do you know?”

“Just trust me he’s not!”

We’ve had problems with this dog since we moved into the Underground.

The Annoying Dog was one of the smaller complaints the kingdom’s people had, but he was long lasting and weird. The little creature reminded Flowey of Papyrus in a way, causing problems wherever he went and getting away with it because he ‘didn’t know any better.’ He’d often heard of seemingly random items going missing from various places never to be found again. Some monsters claimed in horror, that they’d seen the dog absorbing some of the items into his body before scampering away, sometimes through the walls as if he were a ghost. The king warned everyone not to pet the Annoying Dog and to keep their distance whenever they could, but it seemed impossible to keep the hound out of any building. Many would cry out in terror upon turning around and suddenly seeing the legendary monster wagging his tail in their kitchen or living room, although the doors and windows were locked and they had been alone only moments before.

Chara had a strange fascination with the furry menace that Flowey always had a hard time understanding. Whenever the dog was spotted, they’d drop whatever they were doing and run after him, only to lose him in a wall somewhere. They’d then pound on the stone and search it for some sort of crease while Flowey let out a breath of relief from behind. The dog reminded him of Papyrus, true, but the absorbtion ability also brought back memories of a monster from an old VHS tape they had found at the Dump simply called the Thing.

He wanted nothing to do with this creature, no matter HOW much loot he had stored away.

I don’t have a choice anymore though. I need to go through this mutt’s tunnel if I want to find a place to gather energy.

“YIP YIP!”

“Da’ doggy door be in Snowdin. It gots the kingdom shapes on it and is reeeal tall! As big as a tree!”

“…Are you talking about that door in that cave with all the glowing mushrooms?”

“Yeah.”

“You idiot! That’s not a doggy door!”

“Is too! Is the door the doody dog uses! I sees it!”

“Stupid baby.”

“hey, c’mon now. the longer we fight the more pap’s ice cream melts. we need the dog to open the door, right? I mean, no one else has said anything about finding his house so…”

“Yep! Da’ doody dog gots to go inside first or it don’t open.”

“alright then, let’s go.”

“Right!” Flowey jumped up and wrapped himself around Sans. “ONWARDS DUMBO! TO SNOWDIN TUT TUT!”

“GET OFF ME!”

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!”

Leading the dog with the ice cream, the three reached the cave and went inside.

“SEE? No doggy door.”

“Nyeh? You blind Dirt-Butt? Is right there!”

“That’s NOT a doggy door. Doggy doors have flaps!”

“bro, watch where you’re swinging that thi-aww! You got it all over my hoodie!”

“Nyeh heh heh, cweeeeen it up.”

“you clean it up!”

The Annoying Dog watched as a glob of strawberry ice cream slid down the side of Sans’ sleeve, almost hitting the ground.

“You want dis cweam doggy?”

He said nothing and continued to eye the glob expectantly.

“Open the door and I give you all da’ yumminess you can dweam of.”

Again, the baby was ignored as the dog licked it’s chops and shuffled his paws impatiently, waiting for the glob to fall.

“He’s not listening to you. Smear some ice cream on the door or something.”

“Kay’.”

Waddling over to the door Papyrus stopped and dropped down on all fours, holding his ice cream in the air with his Wingdings.

“What the hell are you do-”

“YIP YIP! I’s a baby doggy and I wish to pee on da’ carpet, but I can’t get inside. Oh woe is me! *WHINE*”

“Arf…?” The dog lifted an ear and tilted his head in confusion.

“Of all the stupid…”

“heh heh heh heh! go pappy! show em’ what you want!”

SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRITCH!

Using both hands, Papyrus scratched at the door as best he could, whining pitifully and using his font to communicate. This time, the dog DID listen, turning away from the glob on Sans’ hoodie and morphing through the wall in his patent disturbing way.

“Ugh, I hate seeing that.”

“did…that dog just go through the wall…?”

Weird…

“hm…well whatever, good job bro!”

Smiling, Papyrus rolled over onto his back and pushed at the door with both feet, opining it. Inside the dog stood on a patchwork blanket panting and grinning as always.

“That tunnel better be here you milk-puking-”

“Is under the com-poo-ter I said! Why you no listen Dirt-Butt? Dat’s how you learn things ya’ know?”

“*WHINE WHINE!*”

“Oh yeah! Here you go doody dog!” said Papyrus handing over his Ice cream. “Be sure to eat the cone too, cause’ littering is bad, right Snas?”

“right.”

The happy hound ate the entire thing almost immediately, licking his nose and sniffing around for any bits he may have missed.

“Nyeh heh heh! He eat like you big Buther!”

“Yeah he does, the PIG!”

“…”

“Speaking of pigs, you might not fit in here Smiley,” said Flowey inspecting the tunnel with a frown. “Maybe you should go home and eat some popato chisps, I don’t need an entourage anyway.”

“whatever! both of you can get bent, I can fit in there no problem!” exclaimed Sans, though he did have his doubts.

We definitely need to widen this tunnel or something if we ever plan to come back here. Papyrus is good at digging and building stuff, maybe he can do something about it later.

“NO you can’t, you’ll get stuck you moron.”

“no i won’t...”

“Fine, learn the hard way. What do I care? Just let me go first.”

“No! BABY goes first. I knows da’ way, you’ll just get lost like the Ugly Duckling. Member’ dat book Snas?”

“Did you just call me ugly?”

“yeah I remember the book, but more importantly, you’re telling the truth right? If there’s a maze of tunnels in here and we get lost, we’ll die pap. no one knows we’re down here…”

“YOU’RE ugly.”

“I knows the way, but you gots to follow mah butt kay’? Follow the baby butt and don’t go nowhere else. Even if you see a Veggie monster, you gots to follow the butt Snas, or you get lost. Lossa tunnels down here.”

“You’re ugly and you’re stupid.”

“iiii won’t wander off baby bro.”

Why do you two think I’d risk my life for some food? Do I really eat that much?

…

Nah, it’s probably my hoodie. My hoodie’s padded and it’s making me look fat. I should probably take it off before I crawl through here…

“Also don’t touch da’ butt, or I calls the guard.”

“No one wants to touch your butt you pervert! Well…maybe Smiley does, his drawings are weird-”

“THEY’RE SPACESHIPS!”

“But I’M the one who’s going to be behind you, not him.”

“But then who gonna push Snas if he get stuck?”

“No one. If this fatass gets trapped it’s HIS problem not mine. I already told him he wouldn’t fit; now let’s go.”

Nodding, the baby bones crawled under the desk and into the tunnel, Flowey following close behind. There were a lot of things the plant hadn’t checked out in the dog’s room; things Chara would’ve KILLED to inspect and/or steal, but Flowey had little interest in anything but finding some sun.

He could always come back anyway.

SCRUFF SCRUFF!

“Would you hurry up? The wet dog and baby smell is making me want to throw up.”

“Slow your roll Dirt-Butt. I’s Papyrus the Baby, not Sonic the Hedgehog. You wait.”

SCRUFF SCRUFF!

The three took a left and continued on at an annoying slow pace, being careful not to scrape themselves on the hard rocky walls. Especially Sans, who had had seconds thoughts about all this half-way through the journey. Every so often Papyrus would stop and look over his little shoulder to see if his brother was still behind him; he would then be rewarded with a thumbs up, though the baby could see he was struggling with the encroaching claustrophobia that seemed to be threatening even Flowey’s sanity at this point.

“OH MY GOD, WOULD YOU JUST HURRY UP? HE’S FINE!!”

“Shut da’ fuk up Dirt-Butt, or I kicks you in da’ face.”

“YOU JUST TRY IT! I’LL BITE YOUR LITTLE TOES OFF!”

“play nice you two, heh heh.”

“Shut up Smiley, you’re not my mom.”

SCRUFF SCRUFF!

Finally, the tunnel started to become wider and then wider still, eventually opening up into what looked like a cliffside of sorts. The place was an empty dead end that overlooked the mining city people called “Home.”

“uhh…I don’t think we’re supposed to be here baby bro…”

“Dis be the Old City where we gets da’ crystals Snas-”

“Correction; this is where we USED to get the magic crystals,” said Flowey. “Then some idiot screwed everything up and released a bunch of poisonous gas in the city’s mine.”

“Lossa monsters used to live here, but then there were too many babies, so they moved, but there still be peoples...”

“Are…are you not listening to me? NO ONE’S WORKING THERE, THIS PLACE IS POISONOUS, WE NEED TO MOVE.”

Sans nodded. “he’s right pap. not all gases can be seen; this place could be toxic-”

“Nuh uh! I’s here yeserday!”

“Bullcrap.”

“I ate a worm and climbed a rock, and sniffed da’ flowers like dis *SNIIIIIIIFFF!*”

“UGH, DON’T DO THAT! I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!”

“*SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF!*

“SMILEY GET YOUR BROTHER!”

“who built these ruins? did someone live here before we came? i don’t see people building half a home, if you can even call this a home, and then quitting in the middle of it to build another one.”

“HELLO?!”

“the architecture is completely different from the rest of the kingdom too…”

“SMILEY!!”

“you swear you were here yesterday bro? the gases haven’t reached this far yet?”

“*SNIIIFFF!* Yep. The sun place be dis way, but you gots to watch out for the traps, so follow the baby kay’?”

“I hate you, I hate you BOTH and once I find a new place to get some sun, I’m gonna live there for-EVER! I’M NEVER COMING BACK TO THAT NURSERY, DO YOU HERE ME? NEVER!!”

Ignoring Flowey, the brothers began their trek further into the Ruins. There were a lot more traps than Sans was expecting, but it only served to increase his excitement. More traps meant a higher chance of his younger sibling telling the truth, and these WERE traps. There were pits that led to small empty rooms that had no ladders to speak of, switches designed to confuse them hidden behind pillars in the dark, and there was even a room that couldn’t be crossed from one side unless you had something of considerable weight on three buttons in the ground…unless of course you were tall. That was what disturbed Sans the most; the fact that the traps seemed to be for small creatures who couldn’t step over the barricades. The further the three went, the more his excitement turned to fear as he realized the traps were NOT built by the monsters currently living in the Underground and they were clearly meant to cause suffering and eventual starvation.

This couldn’t have been Asgore’s work. I know he said he would gather souls from anyone who fell into the mountain, but these look like they were meant SPECIFICALLY for children…and I know he’s a good person. Besides, so far I’ve only seen one door that leads to the Ruins and he can’t fit through that tunnel, no way.

Who would BUILD things like this?

“these are horrible…”

“Hm? What are you complaining about?”

“the traps…you’ve been looking at the traps right flowey? they’re different…”

“So? Who cares about these stupid traps, they’re ruined anyway. SHE messed everything up. You’re getting scared over nothing; whoever lived here before is long gone…probably.”

Sans took a deep breath. Flowey was right, the traps had obviously been altered a long time ago and no one had come to fix them. The prison pits had been stripped of their doors and their floors laced with heaps of fallen leaves to break the fall of anyone who fell into them, having obviously been put there by someone seeing as the area lacked any trees. The switches built to confuse had been painted bright colors that could easily be seen, and even the room with the floor switches had been filled with rocks, one of which claimed had been placed there by someone they couldn’t see due to their lack of eyes.

“UGH, are you KIDDING me? She put instructions on the freaking WALLS? That’s so lame!”

“who’s this ‘she’ you’re talking about?”

Before the plant could answer, Papyrus lifted them all up with his wingdings and glided everyone, including himself, over the giant pit trap before suddenly speeding off into a room.

“HEY BRO, WAIT!”

“DID HE FIND IT? IS THIS THE ROOM?”

“*CRUNCH CRUNCH!*”

“…”

“hey uh, pap? you probably shouldn’t eat that…”

“LOOK SNAS! Candy. *CRUNCH CRUNCH!*”

“…”

“…you okay flowey?”

“…Never coming back.”

“Want some of dis candy Dirt-Bu-”

“NO!!”

They continued on, Papyrus’s onesie crinkling with the rest of the monster candy having been stuffed inside.

“FINALLY! DO YOU SEE IT SMILEY? DO YOU SEE THE PROMISE LAND?” The plant pointed excitedly towards a sunlit patch of flowers. “IT’S THERE! IT’S RIGHT THERE! WE’RE SO CLOSE!”

“yep, iii see it. don’t think we’ll be able to actually see the sun though from all the way down here…”

“*Yawn* I’s sweepy…I gets the shiny tomorrow, kay’ Snas? Is nap time for the baby…c’mon Dirt-Butt, we go home now.”

“NO! NO NO NO! DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T FREAKING TOUCH ME! I SWEAR I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU, PUT THOSE AWAY! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOOOOOWN!!”

“put him down bro, he can get back on his own, right flowey?”

“YES!!”

As soon as Papyrus desummoned his wingdings, Flowey took off with all the speed of a cheetah; racing for the sunlit patch that would be his new, and hopefully quiet, home, his leaves outstretched.

I’M GONNA MAKE IT!

With one giant leap the tiny plant dived into the flower patch and dug his roots into the warm soil triumphantly. “LOOK SMILEY! I MADE IT!”

CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK!

“Don’t patronize me you fat piece of-”

Sans stopped clapping. “what do you want from me?”

Ignoring the child, Flowey turned around and basked in the sun’s warm glow, spreading his leaves wide in order to collect as much energy as possible. This place was perfect. Bright, quiet, and tidy; it had a great view of the opening to Mt. Ebott that only someone who could stretch out as long as Flowey could see. A wonderful little lookout where he could not only spy approaching humans, but maybe even lure them in…after all, it’s not like sound couldn’t pass through the barrier. All he had to do was find someone stupid.

Just one. Good. Idiot.

Heh heh heh heh…

“uhh…dude, are you alright?”

“Dirt-Butt got dat scary face big Buther…”

“HA HA HA HA HA HA ALL THE SOULS WILL BE MINE! I’LL LURE THEM ALL IN! HA HA HA HA HA!”

“o-kay…we’re going on ahead. you catch up later alright?”

“NEVER COMING BACK! HA HA HA HA HA! UNSTOPPABLE! UNTOUCHABLE! UNDEFEATABLE! HA HA HA HA HA!”

“Nyeh…?”

“I’LL BE ALL POWERFUL! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

“we’re going now-”

“I’LL BE THE ULTIMATE RULER!”

“Bye Dirt-Butt!”

I’ll be a GOD.

#Fonttale #Fonttale au #Undertale #Undertale au #Flowey #Sans #Papyrus #kid sans #Baby Papyrus #Annoying Dog #funny #undertale fanfiction

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