#im gonna cry myself to sleep tonight thinking about it

[idkwhateverblah]

I feel like I proud mom watching her son FINALLY give in to his feelings.

mo baby I'm so proud of you

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

[scattered-winter]

horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh

[emypony]

.

[glxybld-mustdie]

That’s it I spent the last 10 minutes looking at stories and I gathered this informations:

1. GERARD. IS. SO. CUTE. he’s my girlfriend and I love him so much (@the-sun-personified sorry hun ily too but understand me on this)

2. MIKEY WAS ON STAGE WHILE FOB PLAYED AND HE WAS SCREAMING THNKS FR TH MMRS THAT SONG IS OBVIOUSLY ABOUT HIM

3. THANK YOU MEREDITH I REALLY NEEDED SOME ANDY CONTENT TODAY (also love the fob bracelet she has I’m gonna copy it so bad)

4. FRANKIEROPICSSS DESERVES AN AWARD I WANNA KISS THEM ON THE FOREHEAD FOR ALL THE FRANK CONTENT FROM THE FEST

5. FOB POSTED PICS AND THEYRE COOL GO CHECK YALL

6. THEY ALL LOOK SO HOT IM GONNA CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP TONIGHT THANK YOU

alright I think that’s it thank you for coming to my rant

[chiyeko-kurea]

tw!

[Vent of my life currently-kinda long.]

I haven’t cvt since june,

I don’t feel clean though.

It’s crazy, cause it’s like, soon six months, but it doesn’t feel like progress. Maybe because I haven’t told myself I’m « officially quitting ». Days flew by, I didn’t NEED it. Sometimes I did, I distracted myself. But even then, I didn’t feel proud. I just have been pushing back the moment of relapse that I know is gonna happen sooner or later. I’ve been doing as always: good, with some punctual moments of absolute misery and spiralling, crying shaking and hating myself but then my life’s pretty basic. I keep my head above water, sometimes I feel like Im suddenly being pulled down and I choke and drown but resurface again and that’s just it. I feel sunlight on my face and the water’s warm but I know beneath me, feet down the water’s dark and cold and I’ll be pulled there again soon, momentarily. And at a moment, I’ll be pulled deeper than usual and I’ll cvt my way through the surface. I’ll fall back, to come back up.

I feel okay, most of the time genuinely good. But then, there are those phases when I just wanna cry, for anything really, or for more serious things, I feel silly for forgetting peaceful times don’t last.

But I don’t think it matters. I think those moments of joy and peacefulness, as brief as they are, are truly all there is and are worth living for. So yeah, I’ll cry myself to sleep tonight and I’m scared as hell and I’ll relapse someday, I still wanna cvt myself -after all i relapsed after a whole year, which felt like the ultimate impossible to reach goal back then- even after months and months being clean, staying clean through the roughest days, I still wanna cvt myself.

But I discover new music, I learn new things, I find people I feel good with, I fall in love with random dudes in the hallways, I dye my hair, I run, I pet my animals, I find a new position to sleep that is so comforting, I start new tv shows, I have faith in my future and I can’t wait to be a medical intern, I keep going. And I think for people like me, that’s as good as it can get. Or at least, I’m happy with that. I’m good with life being that way. I’ll always have scars, -and pulsions to cvt, maybe-, haunting memories and an ill body and mind, but that’s not all there is about my life.

And I’m so grateful and lucky, that I’m able to see that and that I have those things. Trusting that future holds some good things for me. Being able to enjoy right now because I now that I have a future I worked for waiting for me. That I have a future at all, really. There was a time that wasn’t even sure.

I don’t feel clean, I will relapse, I will get better, maybe I’ll relapse again -who knows, and kind of whatever-. I’ll see. Ups and downs. I have as much faith for the ups that are coming as I know there’s gonna be downs.

Maybe being ‘clean’ is ‘never cvtting again’. Maybe then I’ll never be ‘clean’, I’ll be living in my own way. Like goddamn, forbid someone who’s been cvtting since they’re a child to just know how to function without it. Maybe I’ll figure it out, maybe I won’t. I hope if I don’t, I’ll still find a way to be gentle with myself and understand that’s not my fault. That’s not a shame to wanna find relief in something you know will relieve you.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make romantic connections with people, because I don’t wanna talk about it but they’ll eventually see scars. I hope I wont feel lonely then, I hope I know I always got myself. That’s all I got, all I can count on. That’s not all I need; I need others, I need passion, I need support, but I trust myself to do everything to provide that for me. If I don’t, I’ll learn to trust myself again.

Writing this because I’m currently doing quite good, kinda great even but with some things making me sad, but still.

So yeah, I’m havent cvt since a long time, blood’s on my blade’s long dried, I miss the feeling and I’m doing okay. Head’s a mess as always, body’s going wrong and all but friends and family are always here, I’m studying and grades are good, I’m feeling silly over little things. I’m just appreciating, embracing all of it I guess.

Xx

my digital diary is @kureachiyekoblog

non sh just silly little stuff

[i-am-a-l0st-gh0st]

★Masterlist★

- Albedo

Underneath the Stars- "I heard you talking in your sleep."-\

Brainrot- Fluff

-Scara

im scum, im waste, im what you want- 'I thought I told you not to smile at other men.'

Part 2

Part 3

What am I gonna do- "Why are you asking me such stupid questions?"

Hold me closer and I'll hold back- "Same old heart with the same old tricks, hold me closer and I’ll hold back"

He says everything I need to hear- And its like i couldn't ask for anything better

If im dead to you why are at the wake?- Cursing my name, wishing I'd stayed

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater- and if may just take your breath away

-Alhaitham

A soulmate who wasn't meant to be- 'Was our relationship just a joke to you...?'

All the stars aligned- "And what name should I put?"

When I'm not with you think of me always- "Everything is alright just hold on tight, that's because I'm a god old fashioned lover boy"

In front of all your stupid friends- "If you kissed me would it be just like i dreamed?"

Brainrot

When I'd fight you used to tell me I was brave- “Cause I loved you, I swear I love you… Till my dying day…”

-Kaeya

One last time- 'Can you just kiss me? One last time? That's all I ask...'

I'll do anything you ask of me- My fingers pressed until their sore

-Tighnari

Wandering in the woods- "It's alright Collei, they should be okay. You did good."

-Xiao

Falling asleep on him- 'He was rarely shown affection and was very unsure what do to when he received it.'

Drunk under a street light- "But I knew you, dancing in your Levis drunk under a street light"-

You said you love me exactly the way I am- "Guess I must be satisfactory you said you love me exactly the way I am"

Show me how you care- Show me how you smile

Meet me at our spot- Baby, are you coming for the ride?

Childe

In your arms tonight-. 'You hadn't been hugged by anyone like this in years, so of course some tears were shed.'

Hey I miss your stupid face- Get back to my place, I need you. It hurts so much to wait

I never meant to hurt you though- I pushed a lot back but I can't forget it

Neuvillette

But I didn't need to be stronger I needed to be saved- You wanted nothing more than to hold him

And that's why I love fall- I love you y/n don't you forget that

With eyes as dead as mine- "Oh, what a blessing to meet someone like you."

Could you ever imagine where our lives could be- Luckily you saw something in me, something I couldn’t see

Ayato

But now he's playing with your head- "God will you stop being so clingy!"

They never know what you know- "It's not that simple but they won't seem to notice"

All the leaves are brown- And the sky is grey

Kaveh

All this over a kiss- "You're Y/N, my Fiance!"

Clung on tightly, like parentheses- "And every sentence that a spoke began and ended with ellipsis"

I wanna be your favourite boy- "I wanna be the one who makes your day, the one you think about as you lie awake"

Why don't you love me anymore?- But you say I don't know how to love

Lyney

I don't know what to do without you- "Please, I'm still the same lyney you fell in love with"

Please hold me close to you- Baby flatline still time to do it too

And i thought you might be mine- In a small world, on an exceptionally rainy Tuesday night

Feeling sick of myself- Guess I'll try to be someone else (trans masc reader)

The breathing exercises hurt- They don't do fuck all

I'll Hide My Chest...- And i'll figure out a way to get us out of here

No alarms and no surprises-Such a pretty house And such a pretty garden

Wait by the door like I'm just a kid- And watch you tolerate it.

Boys don't cry- I would say i'm sorry, if thought that it would change your mind.

I should be over all the butterflies- Im still into you

Secrets i have held in my heart- are harder to hide than I thought

Part 1

Part 2

I'm cutting people out again- I hope to see their faces when I pursue. Haunting you…

I'll hide my chest- And I'll figure out a way to get us out of here.

Wriothesley

Yeah, you made it all alright- Those words were for you and for you alone

Why do I myself dream like this?- "But perhaps its just my stupid hea in the end

We fell in love in October- That's why I love fall

They say it's such a shame, I turned out this way- "The red means I love you."

We listen to a lot of true crime- But it's alright, she'll be fine

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Breaking my back just know your name- Well, some body told me, that you have a boyfriend.

Make sure nobody sees you leave- Tell your friends you're out for a run

Heizou

I can't stop you putting roots in my dream land- Despite being a detective many things about you were still a mystery that he could never figure out.

Thoma

Sweet tea in the summer- "Sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won't tell no other"

You know i wanna be your light- In darkness, How you find me just in time to tell me what I needed to hear.

Kazuha

I don't deserve you, you deserve the world- Every time that i miss you I feel the way you hurt

Diluc

Oh what a blessing to meet someone like you- "With eyes as dead as mine"

Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away- When you get out of bed don't end up stranded

It's always been just him and me together- So I'll bet all I have on

Just one more tear to cry- One tear drop from my eye

Multi

Coming out as Non-binary

You and me, always forever- Fremient, Lyney, Alhaitham

Gaming

If you're lost you can look and find me- Time after Time

You're just another picture to burn- There's no time for tears

Arlecchino

Date rambles-

My kinda girl- Im down on my hands and knees begging you please baby

[urgonnagofar]

8/9 doing fine, like i always am

i just handed in my badge on the last day of my internship. it’s weird. it’s not like i LOVED it here, but it just feels weird that it’s over. it’s also just another step closer to moving away. i talked to one of my coworkers for the first time today. his cubicle is directly across from mine and i had pretty much never spoken to him, but he asked me a couple questions as we were walking back to our desks and we ended up talking about my robotics team for like fifteen minutes. i should have talked to more people earlier on, because i know it would have made me a lot less anxious, but whatever. i also talked to the guy i’ve mostly been working with for the last time which just felt really weird. they’ve told me like at least a dozen times that im welcome back next summer so im going to have to think about that. im just confused abt this ending emotionally i cant decide if i want to cry about it or not.

i leave in exactly a week and i’ve barely started packing and my room is still a mess and i think that im just not gonna sleep at all next week and it’ll be fine. i just keep telling myself it’ll be fine and not really making progress. but oh well. it’ll be fine.

i came out to my mom last night. it was just kind of a well. that happened. sort of thing. she was supportive and accepting which is really all you can ask for i guess. went about how i expected it would.

i’m hanging out w my friends tonight. somehow everything has a way of becoming an argument with my mom. she wants me home at a certain time so my brother can take my car or whatever but like this is one of the last times i’ll see my friends. i’m gone in a week. i’m going to miss them so fucking much and it feels like every moment together counts now. every time i hang out with my friends ends up with me sitting alone in my car listening to you’re gonna go far and crying lately. very cathartic. highly recommend.

this journal entry has been brought to you from the parking lot of my internship because it feels weird to drive away for the last time

[somethingentirely]

I was trying so hard

To be happy

Or to pretend to be happy for once

And you couldn’t be happy for me

you needed me to bleed

It feels like you hated me

You never had any time for me

And I really needed you to be

Someone I could trust

Someone who was there for me

I needed you to be there for me

I don’t want to escape through lyrics

I want to look past the curtain

On the stage

I used to hide in

At church

A kind of game we used to play

did we ever go to church

Do you believe in god

I feel lost

Sometimes I think about god

And sometimes it makes me sick

I start to see things that aren’t there

Desperate for a sign

Or something

Or anything

That tells me how I’m supposed to live

Now that you’re not there

Now that nothing is there

I keep telling myself I don’t care

But I do

Goddamnit, I do

I care about you

Or I cared about you

Which one is the truth

Is the curtain pulled back

Or am I chasing the ghost of you

And were you just pretending to care?

Did I matter at all to you

Or just that much to you

Did I matter to you

Did I ever once matter to you?

Because I cared about all of you

Because i wish i mattered to you

One second- I’m sorry

I bought a cat named Ava from the loneliness

I Figured

Well shit, I need someone to love me

And it’s not gonna be you

And it’s not gonna be me

Because, you don’t love me

And if you don’t love me

Then nothing will

and definitely not me,

so it has to be somebody

What were we talking about again?

She’s purring

Sometimes i wonder if she can understand what im feeling

Because even if nobody does

At least she tries

Because I’m crying

And she’s purring

And it means the world to me

And I am a truly broken being.

So i wonder what Peter is doing

And I wonder

If he cares

Or is just pretending to care

If i shared anything would he understand me?

What would be the point of telling him?

Of talking?

We’re on completely separate planets

10 feet apart.

And I know he loves me

but then again

We’re on completely separate planets

And I don’t want anyone to feel the kind of pain

I’m experiencing

I don’t want him to feel the pain

I’ve experienced

He’s experienced too much pain already

AND I WAS TRYING TO BE HAPPY

Or pretend to be happy

And you couldn’t be happy for me

And he just wants me to be happy

but you needed me to bleed

And I wish you would at least give me an APOLOGY.

Don’t tell me that i am not deserving

Of an apology

That you really cared that little about me

That the whole time you were just pretending to care

Because I have given you an APOLOGY

to show you that I CARED.

GODDAMNIT

I cared about you

I do,

Goddamnit

I do

Trying to live is hard

Coming out of my shell is hard

Being outside is hard

Being alive is hard

WAKING UP is hard

I am afraid to go anywhere without Peter

Because I’m so sure

That there is nothing else justifying me being alive

And I struggle with eating

I struggle with weight

I struggle with everything

I used to be sicker than this

I’m not really that sick

god you make me sick

You make me feel like this

You made me feel like this

And I can’t live like this

I can’t breathe

I am a Van Gogh painting

There are dogs barking

I am safe I am in bed there are dogs barking and Ava is breathing as she sleeps

These are grounding techniques

And I am still learning to breathe

Pausing frequently

PTSD

Post traumatic stress disorder

I was not living

Not with their hands around me

Extinguishing

Everything

There are vines on the ceiling

And I am counting the leaves

There are exactly

four hundred and sixty three

These are grounding techniques

And I am still learning to breathe

My heart is all black

And like a moth

I am attracted to people with light

Peter is sleeping on the couch tonight

10 feet apart

Separate planets

But I don’t want anyone to try and come over

Or build any rocket ships

he used to try to come over

I used to try to come over

but we crashed so bad

So if he tries to come over

He’s gonna crash

He doesn’t have it easy exactly

Was that you or me

Who’s listening

Nobody

Nobody?

You

Stop hiding

looking for signs where there’s nothing

Trying to hold onto something

jesus

Take it easy

I can’t take it easy

I would if I could

Taking thoughts

Seeing where they lead me

The string keeps unraveling

I am enjoying the unraveling

Writing about unraveling

writing about the journey

Where will this take me

There’s gonna be something

There’s gotta be something

something that says the pain

Wasn’t for nothing

So damnit

I am going to keep writing.

and I am going to keep trying

Even if it hurts

And even if it kills me

I am going to keep trying

To be happy

I

Have been trying so hard

To be happy

And you couldn’t be happy for me

And this is where I would put my ending

I’ve been reading over everything to make sure it’s complete

That I said everything

And what if I got your apology?

what causes the bite?

20/20 in hindsight

Do I need your forgiveness to be happy?

Do I really need you to be happy?

If you never forgave me again

Never said you were sorry

Because I gave you an apology

Did you mean it?

Were you sorry?

Sorry? It’s a little bit more than stress

And regret

We were best friends

We were supposed to be best friends

If you died

I would never forget you

I would still hold you in my heart until the sky collapses and the earth bends from the last days of the lights end

You were the sun

Even if I got Alzheimer’s

Even if I got dementia

Or Amnesia

I would still remember you

Your memory will always live on

Which sucks, because I haven’t always been the greatest person

Hence why I tend to avoid churches

We both know I’ve got sins

But I never wanted to be perfect or holy

Just wanted to be human and dirty

And have that be okay

We both know I’m not the greatest person

But I really wanted to be at the end and

You just hated me for it

I think

and I’m sorry

I wasn’t there for you when you needed me

I need more weed

I know you’ll never reach out to me

not after I lost my mind like that

So I got a cat

Cause I needed someone to love me

And it’s not gonna be you

And it’s not gonna be me

I prefer to imagine people love me

The same way I think about suicide

Like it could happen, not really

because what happens after is too scary

What happens after death?

Hell, what happens when you stop loving me?

I don’t want you to love me

Touch me

don’t touch me

please don’t fucking touch me

Because if I were to love you

It would absolutely be the death of me

So I stay on a planet

10 feet apart

You used to say “you lived in a box”

I’m not even inside a box

I’m lost

It’s been real bad, man

so anyways

Ava’s here

And she bit my left hand today

Pointer finger

But she’s still here

And I’m still here

I mean, she opened the door. (Which she?)

but you’re the one who keeps closing it

Trust

Is earned

[yourimagines]

Anger

* English is not my first language I apologise

* Gif is not mine

* Triggers: swearing

- Summary: Nick was angry after he lost a fight

Y/N POV

Nick lost the fight by a decision again, they don’t like him, the fights he has, the jury, the ufc doesn’t like him. Now I was left with a angry Nick. I followed him around through the hallways to his locker room. People where following us, media, fans, just everyone. “Y/N, how does it feel to see you boyfriend Nick losing?” A guy asked while filming Nick, walking ahead of him. We both didn’t react at him, which he didn’t liked. “Come one, nobody stays that long with a loser.” He laughs at Nick. “Y/N you don’t have anything to say?” I just shook my head, not trying to give him anything to satisfy himself. “Nick you failed, not only in the ring but also in life.” The guy walked a little bit to close and Nick smacked at the camera. “Leave it out of my face.” He said while walking a bit quicker into his room. “Yeah run away Diaz.” Nick was already in his room. “Real gentleman here, leaving his girl behind!” The guy yelled as I walked in.

The door got closed immediately. “What a douche bag.” I said while sitting down. Nick paced around mumbling. “Don’t listen to them Nick, you did great tonight.” He packed his bags. “Your ready to go?” He asked, totally dodging the topic. “Yeah im ready.” He picked up his large bag and hung in around his shoulders. “Stay with me, don’t like these pricks yelling at you.” I stood up and walked up to him. “Let’s go then.” The team picked up the rest of the bags and opened the door. I stayed very close to Nick. His hand on my back guiding me where to go. “Nick, what’s gonna happens after this!” “Nick, how do you feel!” Were some of the questions people yelled at us. Then I saw the douche bag from earlier. “Is Nick finally realising you need to treat your girl as a gentleman.” People laughed but some of them yelled something back at the guy. “Y/N, when do you realise this guy is toxic.” He shoved the camera in our face. Nick pushed him back. “Don’t touch her.” He said while the guy walked a bit ahead of us. The car was already there. “Let’s get inside.” Someone from his team said. Nick helped me to get in first. Nick took of his bag and threw it inside the car. “Well maybe your girl is just a bitch.” Nick got angry. “What did you say?!” He tried to punch the guy but there were a lot of people standing in their way. “Nick go home and cry.” Nick pushed some people as his team tried to get him in the car. “I will beat your fucking ass!” He yelled at the guy as he got into the car. His team got in and the door closes. He sat down next to me. Wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Your okay?” I said carefully while i leaned closer to him. “Yeah, are you?” I just nodded at him and flashed him a small smile. The car ride to the hotel was crazy, they talked about the fight, about these crazy people, about everything.

We arrived at out hotel room. I walked in and jumped into the bed. Nick walked right into the bathroom. “Can I join you?” I asked. “Sure.” I jumped out of the bed and walked into the bathroom. He was already stripping out of his clothes. He was covered in blood, sweat and bruises. I take off my clothes and joined him in the shower. He started to relax as warm water was hitting his back. “Your not disappointed in me are you?” He asked while shampooing my hair. “No why would I be disappointed in you?” “Because i lost.” I turned around. “I’m never disappointed in you Nick, you where amazing back there, they just don’t want you to win.” He smiled at me. “The motherfucker got me doubting myself.” I started to laugh. “Nick please I will never leave you, so what he thinks your a loser, at least we’re together a loser.” “Sounds fun tho.” We both started to laugh and fool around in the shower.

I was already in bed when Nick joined me. “Let’s get some sleep and start all over tomorrow for your new upcoming fight.” He crawled under the blankets and pulled me close to him. “You know I’m so blessed to have you in my life.” “Nick, your not the only one who’s blessed.” As I planted some kisses around his shoulders. “Just don’t leave.” “Never.” I rested my head against his bruised chest. “I love you Nick.” “I love you to baby.”

[femmedesyeuxnoirs]

Tonight was actually life changing. I saw alan bishop of sun city girls perform with other phx outsider artists from back in the day and it was indescribable but still i will try to describe it. The only thing that presented an issue was that the whole time i was extremely sleep deprived. So badly that i thought i was gonna fall asleep while standing up and could barely keep my eyes open the entire night. However this had the effect of inducing the most amazing spiritual metaphysical state of min

First of all the venue has been open since the early 80s and basically assisted in birthing the noise scene in this city. Its also really really small like the size of a one car garage which i think is what it originally was. Dj crush had told me about this show happening since last month and this local avant garde freak music stuff is our shared autistic special interest that we bonded over when we first met!! He told me stories about how he went there when he was just getting into the scene in the 90s and seeing these artists and im just like :o waow. A lot of them were there too!! I was just so fuckingg sleep deprived that i could barely hold a conversation and i really regret not being able to talk to them. I thought about just going home but i couldnt drive myself. I was literally too tired to cry or even care about this at the moment

My sense of self was already starting to wander so i sat myself down facing alan bishop and david oliphant on stage with theremin, synth and guitar while they played the most heavy shit i ever heard. They had several stereo speakers so that multiple sounds would be heard from every corner of the venue joining as a wall of alternating echoing noise. they started passing down assorted flowers from the stage until everyone in the room had one. They continued with a performance of melody layered with ambience layered with alans genuine haunting vocals in perfect harmony brought together by the actual loudest, distorted noise

Surrounded by the glow of lights in different colors, the scents of the flowers and the texture of their petals, the harsh esoteric sound vibrating every limb and organ within that tiny room, all while nodding in and out of consciousness, i fully experienced something that was both violent to the senses but wholly euphoric. It wasnt ego death exactly. I felt my ego was everywhere else but inside of me. It was so cathartic to experience and i encourage anyone reading this to listen to a live noise performance the moment you get a chance

Noise has always been extremely personal to me so the vulnerability of experiencing it live in the presence of others had in a way forced me to kill my shame. Its truly insane that making the human brain go 36 hours without sleep can create a vivid psychedelic experience in the right environment

[imagines-babes]

Revenge (c!KarlJacobs)

Happy late new year!! How is everyone sorry for not putting up a story please forgive me. Anyways today's story is about c! Karl and how he wants your love. Only because you are married to Sapnap and Quackity heir(I think that is the wrong word or not) the song is 'Revenge' by XXXTENTACIO. I hope you enjoy it.

Karl Jacob List Masterlist

Warning: death, kidnapping, and a sleeping pill

************

Why do I go back to her? She doesn't even acknowledge me so why do I go? Why do I leave my partners to go see them? Why do I time-travel to an era she lives in? I'm in a better place without them. I have Sapnap and Quackity. But I need her. I want her to love me like she loves any other man. I need it.  In this whole process im losing myself. I feel like each time I travel something else is happening to me. But I'm every timeline I find myself back to her. Back to my Y/n.

I closed my book. Looking out the window to see her walking and giving out flowers. It's a typical thing for him to do honestly that's why I like her so much. Her caring side in this timeline. Then he saw him. Not only him but the others as well. The man she is married to. One is from descendants from Helga(The village that went Mad) and the other is a descendant from James(the Masquerade). They were both of his fiancés but they were with him. They were with y/n. Why couldn't she look at me the way she looked at them? I want that! I would do anything for that! I shouted in my head hitting a wood.

Hearing a thump y/n glanced over at me giving a nod. Kissing both versions of Sapnap and Quackity that I didn't recall their names from this era. I wanted to but I didn't want to hate them. I wanted to be happy for all three of them but somehow I couldn't. Y/n rushed over to the thud only to see Karl curled up crying. "What's the wrong karl?" She went close to him rubbing his shoulder to me only placing my head on their thigh. Y/n just sat down next to me and stayed quiet. Y/n didn't talk till I was crying," "wanna talk about it?"  How can she be so sweet to me? Yet not see that I am in love with her. She started to stroke my hair softly. My hands went to hers to hold them. Her breath stopped. Sitting up next to her. "How do you stop being in love with someone who you can't have?" There was silence between the two while she stared at her partners as for Karl to just stare at her.

"You know he likes her." Quackity heir said while talking to Sapnap. They both look at the two with Karl staring at y/n. "Well I don't think y/n likes him at all," they both glassed back over to y/n with a smile, "she only likes him as a friend come on Alex." They both walked off to their house.

I invited y/n back to my house just for dinner. She said she wouldn't mind being over or her partners. She just needed to head home to clean up and meet me at my house. I know what I'm gonna do tonight isn't gonna be good but....

Closing my book. Hearing the front door knock I open it seeing y/n in a red dress it looked nice on her. "Hey, Karl may I come in?" I nod opening it wider for her and then locking it after she comes in. She made her way to the kitchen waiting for me. I handed her a wine glass with red wine and she accepted. I turned my back to her as I took a small sip then a glass fell.

The night was quiet and she was still asleep with her hands in cuffs holding them up to a hook. All I did was stare at her. Admire her beauty up close again. Hearing the groan she started to wake up slowly. "Morning y/n" she stares at me trying to move her arms but not making much progress she glances at her cuffs. "Karl why am I cuffed please get me off this," she struggles more with the worry on her face some tears start to fall. I quickly stand up placing my hand to touch her face. She quickly jerks away. "I am the only one keeping you alive y/n," I got her jaw facing her face to me. I wipe her tears slowly. "Don't worry I won't kill you. y/n I will never kill you. I love you too much to kill you." I moved my hands away from her with her eyes red. "Please karl I need to go back to Alex and-" I grabbed the wretch and hit the brick from the wall. She had to bring them up. "No you are staying here with me okay," I brought the wrench closer to her, "they don't love you. I love you and you will love me right?" She just nods her head. "There see," I placed the wrench to the floor, "now I will let the cuffs off."

For y/n, this was her chance to make a run from him. This wasn't the Karl she knew. Hopefully, she will find her Alex and Roger.

Pulling the hook down and the key in my pocket. Turning it to let one go then shortly the other. I held her hand as we made it up to a different area. "This is my other home." She looked around letting go of her hand. She smiled slowly. Within a second she ran to the door. This couldn't be happening. I grab a knife running after her. The trees and bushes were hitting them both. The Second she got off me I made it close to her. To only see her falling. Standing over her. I got on top of her to only stab her. 3 times

There he placed her against the tree. He sat beside her with the knife in his hand. he cried wanting to love a woman that wouldn't love him back with her blood on his hand.

[2001fairyprincess]

i’ll probably delete this cause i know no one wants to hear it i just need to vent where no one irl follows me but being disabled and being a lesbian is rough it’s like double the loneliness lol. i grew up being the disabled kid and sitting by myself a lot cause i couldn’t play with the rest of the kids and being bullied in high school and noticing as a teen my body looks and moves differently and then hey, i realised i’m a lesbian so then i had to come to terms with the new added layer of not being able to relate to other girls even more. im in my twenties now and i still feel alone cause i have to spend a lot of time at home resting from constant pain, like nothing is accessible here with being in a wheelchair, my mental health is constantly up and down. idk i need to sleep but i guess the very real possibility of me dying alone feels all too real tonight and i just need to let it out somewhere cause my head and chest aches crying about it. i just wish i was your average 22 year old, i love seeing my friends happy dating and in relationships, i just wish i could relate i wish i knew what it was like to be wanted by someone but i just don’t think that’s gonna happen for me. i know everyone says ‘oh just focus on yourself’ or whatever but like i have and i do but i just want to be wanted for once i just wish i didn’t feel a painful ache in my chest like right now, being a disabled lesbian is hard, sometimes i wish i was someone else.

[kermitgasm]

This Is Why review but it’s the unhinged shit i said in my notes app

under the cut ofc cuz i don’t wanna spoil it for anyone but pls know this is unhinged and like a train of thought rather than anything that makes sense

running out of time: only 5 seconds in and so fucking true like…. fr… also this is so funny. maybe i am just a selfish prick actually…. has some sort of r&b feel? THERE WAS A FIRE!! METAPHORICALLY! BE THERE IN FIVE! HYPERBOLICALLY! OK GUITAR!!!

Big Man, Little Dignity: not to be a david bowie fan but the intro reminds me of moss garden. this is very wavey. oh shit she’s coming for HIIIIM…. no offense but you got no integrity…. READ HIM!! SMOOTH OPERATOR IN A SHIT STAINED SUIT…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GODDDDD. the outro is beautiful, FLUTE TIME!!!!! A BITCH LOVES A FLUTE!

You First: RATTLING THE BARS OF MY FUCKING CAGE THIS IS ALL IVE EVER WANTED YOURE JUST LIKE THE STRAY ANIMAL I KEEP FEEDING SCRAPS ???? HELP???? KARMAS GONNA COME FOR ALL OF US AND I JUST HOPE SHE COMES FOR YOU FIRST!!! BITCH WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS EVERYTHING OH MY GODDDDDD TURNS OUT IM LIVING IN A HORROR FILM WHERE IM BOTH THE KILLER AND THE FINAL GIRL SO WHO ARE YOU??? hayley williams do you want to choke me out it’s so fine if you want to do that. THEEE GUITAR THE DRUMS ORGASMIC…

Figure 8: taylor york is the heart of paramore i will say it over and over again. pearls before swine all flowers die tapped the last good vein don’t know how to shut it off! THIS SONG HOLD THE FUCK UP!!!!! JESUS CHRIST…. OK burning at both ends tonight HOW COULD I HOW COULD I IF IM MADE OF THIN ICE… YOUD BE WISE IF YOU THOUGHT TWICE… ALL FOR YOUR SAKE BECAME THE VERY THING THAT I HATE!!! god damn god damn god damn…. GOD DAMN ok i’m fine now i’m normal

Liar: i don’t even have the words… this is so heartbreaking and beautiful. please god “oh my love i lied to you but i never needed to / oh love i lied to you but you always knew the truth” tears in my eyes i’m gonna punch a hole in the wall. and why should i deny what’s all at once crystal clear 😭😭😭😭 I CANNOT… oh my god the lyrics… man i can’t even type them in too busy holding my head in my hands (metaphorically)

Crave: intro is so beautiful, i know i keep saying this but taylor (and zac) really are just so incredible. “i can’t wait to memorize this day a picture cannot contain the way it feels” oh no i already feel myself crying… “just for a second it all felt simple, i’m already missing it” hayley’s vulnerability always makes me cry… WOW THIS PART… i romanticize even the worst of times when all it took to make me cry was being alive…. look up and see the reflection to someone who never gave way to the pain well what if i told them now that i’m older there isn’t a thing i wouldn’t change…. yeah let’s think about that (not for too long). i will not be able to sleep after this. this album is all i’m gonna think about.

thick skull: OK!!!!! wow the lyrics in this really are making me insane. i will be thinking about this intro later… hit over my head epiphany hit over my head repeatedly …. UMMMM HELLO ONLY I KNOW WHERE ALL THE BODIES ARE BURIED THOUGHT BY NOW I’D FIND THEM JUST A LITTLE BIT SCARY…. what’s the body count up to now captain??? this song is so fucking good… let it be KNOWN OH THE GUITAR PICKING UP??? DOES TAYLOR YORK KNOW HE IS THE ONLY MAN EVER…. COME ON OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP??? OK PATRICK BATEMAN GIRLIE

this album is a 10/10 to me and paramore are one of the best bands ever.

[karinasbaby]

finally got the chance to lose my sanity over the best fucking birthday gift EVER. AND HOLY FUCK

this one had such an intense kick to it oh my GOOODDJELSHS im literally LAUGHING while writing this i can’t believe what i just read what the HELL wlehaldjjhdf hana you will pay for your crimes 🫵 this was once again ATTEMPTED MURDERRRR u really gave me in love and soft and munch hee all on my birthday 😨😨😨 i’m about to throw up istg my mind is SPINNING no words can describe how badly i want to scream rn.

first of all

!?!?!^>[+{]^+{]>]*!=\$\•!{]+! BUT U DID THIS FOR WHATTTTRT😭😭😭 “he loved it when you ruined him, turning him into someone that only you got to see” my legs hurt from me kicking them in the air for so fucking long i actually can’t do this bcs wdym what do you mean WHAT DO YOU MEANNNN WHY IS HE SO CUTE AND SWEET AND SO LOVABLE PLS HEESEUNG LET ME WRAP U UP IN A BLANKET AND KEEP U IN MY POCKET :((( and the obsession with the adam’s apple is so real because i WILL kiss it. non stop. for the rest of my life. for sure. mhm.

u see now personally me? i died lol 🤣🙏🏼 idk about u but i audibly gasped and had to take a break because i would have fallen out of bed for the 9th time tonight and i really wasn’t looking forward to that 🙏🏼 because what. a small cupcake with a candle on it the moment it’s 12 like r u kidding :( r u joking this is so cute and so sweet i have tears in my eyes what the heck heeseung actually being obsessed with birthdays (unlike someone yes im throwing shade and priority jay) (im playing pls don’t jump me) is so cute and just so him :( im gonna cry myself to sleep today 💯

now what if i cry lmfao. no what if i suddenly disappear then what. why would u dO THIS TO MEEEEEEEE 💔💔💔💔💔😭💔😭💔😭💔😭😭💔💔💔💔😭😭😭💔😭😭😭😭💔😭💔😭😭😭💔 i’m actually going through it & tearing up again like soft in love hee who loves to praise you like i can’t cut the fucking cameras i CANT i don’t have the ability to handle this ☹️💔☹️💔💔

u making shirtless hee wear a chain… you’re out for blood atp. like u really are 😕‼️ AND PLEASE WDYM HE LAUGHED INTO THE KISS DONT DO THIS TO ME I WILL ACTUALLY MELT AND EXPLODE soft in love hee you’re genuinely gonna kill me like wdym :( hes so the type to interlock ur hands together and kiss u then laugh or smile continuously into the kiss and i can’t do this there are tears in my eyes hana what have you done 💔💔💔💔💔💔

the constant usage of pretty like what did i ever do to you. aren’t u tired of making me blush and giggle all the damn TIME ☹️⁉️ enough is enough pls have some mercy show some mercy towards my heart 💔

this. this right here… haha. “we’ll still eat, baby. this is just for me.”

you’re evil. villainous. straight up wicked. out for BLOOD ‼️ out for MURDER ‼️‼️ TO END AND CHANGE LIVES ‼️ ALTERING THEM PERMANENTLYYYYYY 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊

after this it was just whiplash after whiplash bro like big dawg u have expectations that are too high of me if u really thought i was gonna be able to make it through this without losing my fucking shit entirely 🤣🙏🏼 because like ….?? “he would collapse if he didn’t prolong your climax” ????!!!!?$>[${%]+{>¥|!@£2@:WHAT THE HELLLL [DISTANT CAR CRASH] [SCREAMS] [GUNSHOT] i can’t TAKE IT ANYMOREEEE

i’m just a girl why would u put me through this :(

and then the last part being (cuz i can’t put anymore photos bcs of bitchass tumblr)

“you kissed him before smiling, so glad you were born because you got to have him. “thank you.”

heeseung smiled softly before pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “happy birthday, baby.”

yeah that one was it for me ngl 🙏🏼 that was like the final blow. the knock out punch

anyways so i’ll quickly write this while sobbing but thank u so much to my dearest & sweetest hana for doing this on my birthday (just wait for march bro u think i’m gonna let u live peacefully???) like i genuinely can’t believe u came through with soft hee no i’m not crying stfu anyways i love u sosososomuch thank u for writing this masterpiece and for being my friend i can’t wait to annoy the living shit out of you when you’re back mamas 😁🙏🏼 pls study well & good luck on all of ur exams !!

✧ happy birthday, pretty

pairing: soft!heeseung x reader

summary: it’s your birthday, and while you don’t really care, your boyfriend cares a lot

warnings: kissing, no p in v, oral (fem receiving), hee is shirtless & soft, mentions of sex, oral happening in the kitchen (unhygienic), hee is a munch obvi, mdni

a/n: am i obsessed with birthdays? maybe. anyways, this is for @karinasbaby because it’s her bday! everyone say happy birthday

the bright rays of sunshine shine through the dark curtains, illuminating the quiet bedroom, casting a warm blanket over two sleeping bodies. one sunray shines directly on heeseung’s face and his eyes flutter open, nose scrunched in disdain. he squeezes his eyes shut before he pulls your sleeping body closer, burying his face in your neck. 

heeseung smiles against your neck, content filling his chest. his nose brushes against the nape of your neck as he inhales, loving the way your body slightly smelled of his. trying his best not to wake you, he reaches backwards and grabs his phone. he glances at the time and his eyes widen. it was 10:49 am, which meant he had woken up eleven minutes before his alarm. 

this never happened. he had never woken up before his alarm, but his eyes drift to your sleeping figure and they soften. for you, he would do anything. even wake up at an ungodly hour. 

he presses a soft kiss to your shoulder and slowly pulls his arm out from under you. he freezes when you shift and stares at you with wide eyes as exhaustion pulls you back under. he gently unwraps his arm around you and shuffles his legs out from between yours. it takes him almost ten minutes to untwine his body from yours, and it’s done with increased difficulty. 

he doesn’t want to leave the warm bed or your warm body, but he has plans that he must execute. today was an important day for you, so, it was important to him.

he bites his bottom lip as he pushes himself on the bed, wincing when the bed creeks beneath him. slowly, he turns his head back to you, making sure your eyes remain closed and your breathing remains even. 

standing, he grabs his shirt from the floor and grins as he recalls the way you had thrown it, eager to get your hands on him. he places the shirt on his side of the bed, making it easier for you to grab and wear when you wake up. shirtless, he tiptoes to the bathroom and almost laughs at his reflection. his hair is upright and messy, his entire neck is littered with your small bites, and his lips are still swollen. 

he simply stares at himself with a stupid grin on his face because he loved it when you ruined him, turning him into someone that only you got to see, got to touch. he touches his adam’s apple and winces, remembering how you had spent quite a bit of time last night just kissing it.

he shakes his head and grabs his toothbrush, careful to only open the tap a bit. he looks back at your sleeping body with a smile on his face, knowing you probably looked the same. he did, after all, ravish you last night. 

as soon as the clock had struck 12:00 am, he pulled out a cupcake and candle and made you blow it out, a longstanding tradition in your relationship. one that he implemented, since between the both of you, he was a lot more into birthdays. 

you smiled at him and closed your eyes, wishing for nothing but a good year and his happiness. he fed you the cupcake and licked the icing off the corner of your lips. wanting to return the favour, you licked the icing off his jaw. as the cupcake was used and abused, clothes came flying off and heeseung’s first present to you kept you up all night. 

he washes his face and tiptoes out of the room and down the hall, towards the kitchen. he had gone out the day before to grab everything he needed for breakfast, hiding it all from you in the back of the fridge. he stretches and grabs two pans, turning on the stove. 

as quietly as he can, he cracks the eggs and cuts the fruit. he opens a window so the smell doesn’t wake you. he’s bubbling with excitement, giddy because he had planned everything for today weeks before and he was finally getting to check off everything in his list. 

with a soft, permanent smile on his lips, he puts his airpods in as he continues cooking your breakfast. the soft music drowns all sounds and he gets lost in the domesticity of it all. 

as the sun shines brighter in the blue sky, the beams of light become too much for you and you squeeze your eyes shut, groaning as you slowly regain consciousness. immediately, your hand reaches for heeseung and you frown when all you feel is the cold mattress. you open one eye and stare at the empty space, scrunching your nose in tiredness. 

groggily, you sit up and blink around the room. the curtains did little to stop the sun, both of you having forgotten to shut the blinds. you stretch your neck, yawning as the smell of pancakes wafted through the air. goosebumps erupt on your skin and you look down, only now realizing that you’re still naked. you hastily grab heeseung’s shirt and pull it on, pushing yourself out of bed. 

you waddle to the bathroom, eyes still sleepy. you look up at your reflection and almost laugh at how insane you look. your hair's a mess and there are love bites all over your skin; your neck, your collarbone, and your thighs. amazed, you trace the marks with gentle fingers. your tired frown turns into a wide smile at the sight, in awe of heeseung’s dedication. 

you wash your face and brush your teeth, a soft smile on your lips. you could hear heeseung in the kitchen and although you told him not to do anything, you knew your words fell on deaf ears. ever since you had started dating, heeseung made it his mission to make every birthday the best one. 

at first, you used to chastise him, but then you learned that it was simply who he was. this was his love language; to celebrate the day you were born, to make sure that it was perfect and filled with happiness. he loved you so much and he wanted to celebrate today; glad that you had been born because he couldn’t imagine his life with you.

so, you let him be. you indulged him in all his plans, learning to love and appreciate the day as much as he did. if he loved today, you certainly could. 

in just his shirt, you stepped out of your shared bedroom and walked to the kitchen, careful to keep light feet. your smile widened at the sight of heeseung’s bare back as he stood at the stove, quietly humming. he slightly swayed his hips to the music, lost in his own world. 

you leaned against the kitchen entrance, arms crossed as you stared at him, biting your bottom lip in amusement. you loved him like this; free, comfortable, and himself. you eyed everything on the counter and shook your head, knowing he would be so glad to check everything off his little list with a gel pen you had gotten him. 

heeseung stared at the pancake in front of him, counting the seconds until he could flip it. he was so preoccupied that he hadn’t noticed you, not until you wrapped your arms loosely around his waist and pressed your face against his back.

surprised, heeseung lost count before he grinned, turning his head. “good morning, pretty. happy birthday.” 

you smiled against his back, looking up at him with wide eyes. “thank you, hee.” 

heeseung plucked the airpods out of his ears and set them on the counter before he flipped the pancake, pleased with himself as it was perfectly golden. “how’d you sleep? you’re not too sore are you?” his doe eyes couldn’t hide the teasing in his tone. 

you smirked before gently biting his back, grinning at his feigned wince. “i slept like a baby thanks to you. and, for your information, everything hurts.” 

heeseung lowered the flame before he turned around, wrapping his arms around your waist as you looked up at him, his chain tickling your nose. he looked down at you with wide, bright eyes. he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead and you smiled. 

“that’s too bad, pretty. i’m not even close to being done with you yet.” he brushed his nose against yous and you closed your eyes, his words igniting a fire that had been briefly put out last night. 

your body didn’t really hurt, but heeseung didn’t have to know that. it wouldn’t make a difference, not really. he’d still go down on you regardless. 

instead of edging him on, you raised an eyebrow. “your pancake is burning.”

immediately, his facade dropped and he turned around, mumbling incoherent curses as he lifted the pancake and put it on top of the ever growing stack. you eyed the pancakes and almost burst out laughing.

each one was a lopsided heart. 

enamoured, you stepped back and pushed yourself up on the opposite counter, content with just watching him cook. you crossed your ankles and tilted your head, focused on his broad back and thin waist. his arms were hard at work, whisking and pouring and you eyed the veins that always made an appearance in the morning. 

after pouring the next two pancakes, heeseung turned around and froze at your stare; so bright and filled with love. he smiled softly and stepped towards you, smile widening when you spread your legs apart, letting him slot himself right in between them. 

you rested your hands on his waist and his warm hands rested on your exposed thighs. he looked down at you with a soft smile, his eyes shining with fondness. his thumbs rubbed circles on your inner thighs and you tried to ignore it. 

“you look so beautiful, baby. i’m the luckiest man alive.” his words were soft, and yet so loud in your mind. you felt your neck warm and you looked away, focusing on the jug of juice on the counter behind him. 

he cupped your jaw and turned your head, a familiar glint in his eyes. you weren’t sure if it was the stove or the sun shining through the window, but your entire body felt warm. his hands on you and his intense gaze was making your mind hazy. 

he smiled at you and you felt your heart squeeze in your chest. you loved his smile. the way it stretched his cheeks and made his eyes smaller, his perfect teeth on display as his cheeks filled out. 

unable to help yourself, you hooked your finger in his chain and pulled his face closer to yours, pressing your lips against his. he laughed into the kiss and his other hand traveled up your thigh until it squeezed your waist, pulling you closer to him.

he deepened the kiss and you opened your mouth slightly, allowing his hot tongue to explore your mouth. the intensity of his body pressed against yours made you run your fingers up his back until they tangled in his soft hair, eliciting a soft moan from him. 

he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours, the bridge of your noses grazing each other as you both tried to catch your breath. he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear and kissed your cheek. 

before you could capture his lips again, heeseung squeezed your hip and stepped back, smirking at the frown on your lips as he turned back to the stove, flipping the pancakes. he kept his back to you and your stare burned into his exposed back.

you closed your legs and squeezed your thighs together as you watched him move around the kitchen, fascinated by the way he danced around the kitchen. it warmed your heart, knowing he did this for you; only for you. you eyed the faint scratch marks on his back and memories of last night came rushing forward.

although heeseung was primarily focused on cooking, making sure your breakfast was perfect, he kept his heightened attention on you, paying attention to the way you squeezed your thighs together and how your eyes never strayed from his back. 

“so,” he began, as he fried different kinds of meat. “after breakfast, i was thinking that maybe we could go to that museum you really wanted to visit.”

you watched as his back muscles flexed, mesmerized with the way he did everything so effortlessly. you nodded before realizing he couldn’t see you. “sure, i’d really like that.” 

he turned his head and grinned widely at you and you rolled your eyes, a lovesick smile on your lips. you didn’t know why he bothered acting so nonchalant every time. you knew he had already booked the tickets and booked a reservation at your favourite restaurant. he never left anything up to chance, making sure everything was always planned close to the T. 

gosh, you really loved him.

“hee,” you said, a little embarrassed. “c’mere for a second.” you stopped swinging your legs and sat up straighter when he placed the final piece of meat on the pan. he turned and stepped in between your legs, his hands on your waist. 

you rested your hands on his chest and he shuddered at the coldness of them before stepping closer, his pelvis pressing against your hips. your eyes fluttered at his closeness, the warmth of his body reeling you in. 

“i just wanted to say thank you.” his eyes softened and his smile turned bashful. “you always do so much for me and you have no idea how thankful i am.”

heeseung kissed your forehead. “it’s just breakfast, baby. the day is still young.” he pressed another kiss to your nose. “you never have to thank me. you know i’d do anything for you.” 

you rested your hand right on top of his beating heart and smiled softly when it began to beat a bit faster. even after all these years, he still got a bit nervous around you. it wasn’t his fault, really. you were just too beautiful. he couldn’t handle it sometimes. 

“still.” you leaned forward and kissed his chest, right between two hickeys you had given him last night. at the feeling of your plush lips against his skin, heeseung’s breath hitched. “you do so much for me.”

bewitched by your scent and smile, heeseung’s eyes burned brightly as he looked down at you, a warmth spreading through his body. his hands rubbed the exposed skin of your thighs, the sight of you in just his shirt had his mind racing. 

“you wanna thank me, pretty?” 

you tried not to grin at his words; at the familiar tone and the way his words came out quieter, a bit huskier than normal. he cupped your jaw and tilted your face upwards, a mischievous glint in his eyes as his gaze fixed on your lips. 

you hummed softly, nodding your head. there was something so seductive about him, the way his smile made you soft and yet his eyes, gosh, his eyes. big and wide and dark, burning with a heat that mirrored the flame of the stove. 

your breathing becomes heavier as he tips his head down, his lips hovering yours. you close your eyes, needing his lips on yours. he, however, pulls back and turns around. you open your mouth in objection but heeseung simply turns off the stove before he grabs your face, slamming his lips on yours. 

you laugh in delight as he presses himself closer to you, one of his hands on your thigh as the other rests gently on your throat, keeping you from squirming. your hands were in his hair, pulling and scratching. 

the sounds of your lips against each other echoed in the kitchen as heeseung groaned into the kiss, enraptured by your taste. his hand slipped under your–his–shirt and he began to press his thumb into the skin of your stomach and hips.  

you pull away and heeseung rests his forehead against yours, both of your chests heaving. you lean forward and press a swift kiss to his swollen lips, licking his bottom lick sensually. heeseung’s eyes widen, mesmerized by you. he captures your lips again, heart beating rapidly as his arms circle your waist and pull you flush against him.

“you drive me crazy,” he whispers against your lips. “everything about you.” 

you kiss him back messily, hands traveling up his neck. “think about how i feel.” you press a kiss to his adam’s apple. “you’re too good for me.”

your words settle in heeseung’s mind and his first instinct is to pull away, to look you in the eyes and tell you how horribly wrong you are. he’s not too good for you; you, you’re too good for him. you’re too good for anyone, but he’s selfish and tries his best. 

instead, his hands wander and he grins when you whimper, his thumbs brushing against your pinched nipples. he watches as your eyes shut and you lean forward in pleasure as he rubs and pinches them. he presses an open mouth kiss to both nipples on top of your shirt, pleased by the bright look in your eyes. 

his lips travel down until he reaches your nude thighs. he falls to his knees and your legs tremble at the sight before you. you bite the inside of your cheek as heeseung looks up at you, lust and adoration swirling in his eyes. 

he taps your knee. “spread your legs for me, pretty. you said you wanted to thank me.” 

instantly, your legs spread apart and heeseung shuffled closer. “but, hee, what about the food?” you ask weakly, wanting nothing more than his tongue in you.   

heeseung smirks at the sight of your soaked pussy, knowing you had been dripping onto the counter with no remorse.  “we’ll still eat, baby. this is just for me.”

he hooks his arms under your thighs and easily lifts your thighs above the counter, moving you off it and closer to his face. your arms immediately rest behind you, holding the rest of your body weight. 

heeseung moves his face closer to your bare cunt, the heat from his breath making your body tingle. you watch him with wide eyes as he stares, before blowing warm air on it. 

you squirm in his hold and his hands tighten around you. “such a pretty pussy, baby.” he praises, completely infatuated. he loved you, but he also really loved your pussy. he loved how pretty it was and how it tasted and he loved how well it took him. “my girl is the prettiest girl in the world.” 

“hee,” you whisper, needing him. 

he understands, and because it’s your birthday, he simply brushes his nose against your slick folds before licking a harsh stripe of your core. your back arched and you let out a quiet moan as he wasted no time. 

he pressed his face closer to your cunt as his tongue licked and sucked, lapping up all your juices. the sounds of slurping and his lips smacking around your clit made your legs shake as his nose pressed so deliciously against you.

you whimpered when he tilted his head even further, pushing his tongue deep within you. you felt the tip of it curl upwards and you almost screamed, tears gathering in your eyes. “yes, yes,” you chanted, “faster, fuck.” 

at the sight of your pleasure, heeseung hums and the sound makes your insides vibrate. you begin moving your hips feverishly against his face, grinding down on him. he groans as you rub your slick all over his face, his chin dripping with drool and arousal.

your sweet scent and taste overwhelms his mind and he begins to lose his mind as his lips latch onto your clit, face pressed right against your dripping cunt as his tongue slides in and out of you. 

“fuck, hee,” you mumble, eyes barely open as you watch him suck you dry. “i’m close–” your legs were pulsing erratically and your walls clenched around his tongue as your release edged closer. 

“cum, pretty,” he edged. “want the birthday girl’s cum all over my face.” 

his words broke you and you moaned as your vision blurred, your orgasm washing over you like cold water. throwing your head back, heeseung continued to push his tongue into your gushing pussy, his lips coaxing all your juices down his throat. he licked and sucked even when you mumbled something incoherent about it being too much.

he wanted it all; every last drop you had to offer. you tasted too good, looked too pretty and he would collapse if he didn’t prolong your climax. his tongue continued to lap up everything that dripped out of you as you breathed harshly, chest heaving up and down as your legs shook.

once he had sucked your dry, cleaning you up like the good boyfriend he was, he pressed a soft kiss to your clit before peppering your inner thighs with kisses. you watched him with half lidded eyes as your body twitched with sensitivity. 

“did so well for me, pretty.” he whispered against your skin. he looked up at you and your pussy clenched around nothing at the sight of him; his eyes wide and hair wild as your cum and slick coated his face, his sun-kissed skin glowing with sweat as he smiled with swollen lips. 

he looked so pleased, so giddy. so completely, irrevocably in love with you. 

he kissed up your thighs before he gently placed your shaking hips back on the counter. he kept his hands on your thighs as he stood, smiling down at you. “you’re my favourite meal.” 

he grinned at the fucked out look on your face. when you managed a soft smile, he gently held your jaw as he placed a tender kiss on your lips. he rested his forehead against yours as you wrapped your arms around his stomach, holding him close as your heart calmed down. 

he rubbed soothing circles on your back as you hugged, his cheek resting on your head. this was everything to him; the quiet moments you both shared in the privacy of your home. this was how he wanted to spend your birthday; alone and calm, with spurts of arousal and activity.

he reached over and grabbed a freshly cleaned hand towel before wetting it under the sink. “you okay, baby? do you want a glass of water?” he cleaned you up, wiping your legs clean carefully. 

you shook your head and looked up at him. “some food would be nice.” he rolled his eyes at you before kissing your forehead. he stepped away from you and turned on the stove, finishing frying the meat he had abandoned. 

he sang quietly as he kept throwing you flirtatious looks, grinning when you flipped him off. once the meat was cooked. he placed everything on the table, including the vase of flowers he had hidden. 

you smiled softly at him when he lifted you off the counter and brought you to the table, setting you down on your seat. before he could step away, you grabbed his sweatpants and pulled him back to you. 

with soft eyes, he bent down. “what is it, pretty?”

you kissed him before smiling, so glad you were born because you got to have him. “thank you.”

heeseung smiled softly before pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “happy birthday, baby.” 

[r-0-x-4-s]

i think tonight im gonna cry myself to sleep

praying for floridians 🙏

you are in my thoughts and prayers, in italy someone is thinking about you