#im going to fucking kill myself!!!@!@!!! ontop of the fact im going to pay out of my own pocket to get to and from school bc these piece of

[clulessmess]

Why the fuck did i have to become art blocked when i need money the most

[sucktacular]

haha hey so i loaned my dad/parents $2,000 last year so they could buy a new car because the one we had shit out and they said theyd pay it back but apparently its all just going into my rent payments now that I’ve stopped paying them because I dont have a job and I’m moving out to go to school soon (of which i talked to them about and agreed to not charge me anymore because im trying to leave, but ya know.) also lemme tell you how disgusting this fucking house is an how it’s NOT WORTH 600$ a month to live in ontop of the fucking stress to live here with my fucking family ONTOP of the fact I would NEVER pay to live here and would have moved out a long time ago if I wasnt fuckign financially strapped down and obligated to CONTINUE to live in this shit house BECAUSE they were demanding $600 a month rent from me when I was working a part time job ((((: So now I’m sitting here stressed tf out about going into debt using loan money to help pay with my future rent and living funds while I try to go to school and get a better future for myself and you know what would make me really less stressed??? That two thousand dollars I gave them. That would essentially be enough ontop of what i have left saved from work to pay for my year of rent and a little of loan to help pay for extras. but no im sitting here stressed tf out about moving two hours tf away to go to a new school that im scared im just going to drop tf out of with all the god damn stresss i went to school 4 years ago and dropped out my second year because i got mega fucking depressed and so im terrified if i try to get a job ontop of full time  school and on top of the fucking monumentous stress i already fucking hav about it all ILL JUST END UP DROPPING OUT LMFAO

so yeah long story short i felt “family” obligated to pay $7,200 in rent last year plus give my parents a loan of $2,000 for a truck and I’m never going to see that $2,000 again because im too fuckign terrified to talk to my dad because he’s a large man with anger issues and a giant fucking pride and thinks $600 a month is perfectly reasonable when I live in fucking squalor of other peoples doings im literally the only fucking on that cleans this fucking house  asides maybe the once a month random vacuums and kitchen counter wipes my parents will do this place is disgusting and broken and I’m financially in fucking shit because of family obligations if I never see that $2k again honestly im not talking to my family again because theyre not fucking family and this isnt just about money its about every last fucking thing theyve NEVER done and HAVE done. How about that time my mom broke into my room and told me to kill myself when i was deep in depresssion? how abotu that time i asked for braces for christmas and they told me they spent all the money they saved on weed instead? how about every single fucking time I was ever sad and depressed and wanted to kill myself and they were just emotionally vacant and never there? All the fucking times I’ve tried to talk to them about somethign but theyve been both EMOTIONALLY vacant and also PHYSICALLY vacant out in the backyard choosing to smoke and get high instead of be around at all? yeah. This isnt family and it hasnt been since i was maybe 10 years old. This is simply some fucking weird obligated tied by blood and I can’t wait to fucking get out of it im not cold hearted, ive tried my fucking best and my hardest to be nice to my mother even after all the fuckign abusive shit she pulled after hearing her say “oh i know you’ll come around eventually” when Ive told her 100 times I’m NOT HAVING KIDS and how she feels im a lazy fucking piece of shit how she doesnt even support me as queer how neither of my parents do  how my dad still calls me my dead name because “its just like someone username or handle. i knew you as x and youre always x lmao” like go fucking choke you bitch of an old man you know family obligation and loving your family no matter what fucking escapes me theres no love here its fucking obligation and bitterness and you know on one hand she birthed me and wanted kids so badly so i feel bad if i was to ever just disappear but on the other hand they were never parents when I fuckign needed them most they tried but they didnt ever try hard enough imo and now im 23 and have no emotional connection what so ever to any of them and so when I move out and im eventually stable enough not to rely on them im not coming back for shit and you know ill probably regret it and feel bad and all that family obligatioin crap when they die but you know at the same time im fucking right off and not coming back because i cant even leave my room to make food without feeling like im going to fucking explode in anger and stress and thats so fucking embarassing tryig to make a fucking dinner with your boyfriend and you cant even be in the fucking kitchen without wanting to scream and freak out its so fucking embarassing the house smells of dog and cat piss and when i leave and cat take my cat with me hes probably going to get fat and/or fucking DIE because they just dont fucking care about animals at all so all in all im down at least $2,000 that I need right now and will never see again and I hate my fucking family and I cant wait to move tf out because yeah im going to be stressed but not like this not fucking like this