#i literally fucking cant do that lmao!!!!! fall semester is the last half of my part time i literally have no other classes to take asides

[clulessmess]

Why the fuck did i have to become art blocked when i need money the most

[anarchistbitch]

hi hi hiiiii

your taste? immaculate (im watching our flag means death as soon as it's holy week (it's a national holiday here)) im glad you enjoyed your rest despite how short it may have been, here's to hoping that you'll get another break soon

hills are pretty as long as i don't have to walk them lmao, it sounds really lovely btw :'3

my col got over very quickly, only lasted like a day and a half thankfully, mask mandates haven't been lifted here actually and i think what i got sick with was not sleeping well enough, letting night dew fall on me (idk if that's a thing outside here but they say that can make one sick) and then spending the rest of the day in the sun bc of a class, also im thankful the cold didnt last long bc i absolutely hate drinking warm water, maybe it's bc im from the coast and it's always hot as balls so i always drink ice water but i seriously hate drinking warm water and i know drinking cold water is bad when one's sick but that's one thing im completely childish about and cannot bring myself to do (sorry for the rant lmao)

camping was really so hilarious, i feel kinda bad for seri bc taesung could not care less about her in that way, taesung on the other hand has his plan working, haebom may not know that taesung is trying to hit on him, but he's falling anyway and re the firewood scene, i do agree <33

im on the floor crying every time im reminded that it's only 8eps, the world is so cruel, at least heartstopper is coming soon and i really do hope we get s2 them being adorable together kills me in the best way possible

at this point i dont have a sleep schedule, i sleep as much as i can, whenever i can *sigh* but im getting a small break soon, two weeks i think to holy week

you're going fully offline then?? cause rn we're just doing it for the classes that need it the most, theorical classes like history are still online for us

i only have two classes offline so there's not much schedule to memorize but after a certain point the routine will set into you and you'l be able to remember itwithout needing to read the schedule and get you jshk wallpaper!

they were soaked in the river of talent much like achilles in the styx i swear to fuck, and their songs hit so hard, i cannot listen to lie by jimin without feeling literal chills, and dionysus is my go to pick me up bc as soon as it plays i want to dance and scream the lyrics, it fills me with so much energy, rumor has it they'll be releasing some new songs soon and i cant wait :'3

holy roller is neat indeed, i really liked it! my own rec is emily by san fermin

arroz con pollo 🤝 biryani

discourse about how to make it that is ultimately useless bc mom's the best

i hope they do watch it!! im also trying to get more people to watch it, i need to see it succeed, and yes! yasmin is stunning, im sure she'll do Elle right :'3

i havent watched turning red yet bc im gonna watch it with a friend and our schedules havent aligned yet, it's hard to coincide when we're on different majors and specially when those majors are one a trimester career and the other a semester one but everything i've heard about it is good things! i also saw the 4 town in universe guide thingie around here and we laughed bc Jesse having two kids reminded us of the 'theories' that RM is married to that one guy from his pics, and that they have a kid together im laughing as i type this bc skdlfkdfhfjsdf

promare is such a beauty, visuals and audio are absolutely stunning, i hope you like it!

jfhgjhgkjsj battinson is such an inspiration, his makeup 👌🏻✨ a friend and i were talking about going to the movies to watch it again but he's got all his classes on the day that im free and when he's free i have class at 5pm so we'd come out too late and im too akward to ask him to take me home, not to mention that i doubt my parents would like me being out until 9pm with a guy they dont know, ah the pains of being female presenting in a latinamerican country

thanks for the tws!! i dont think any of that would bother me but it's always good to have a warning, i also saw it was a sequel, should i watch the first one??

hjfsfjdf i get heart eyes everytime i see you've replied 🥰

sending you lots of love and hugs and i hope you have a nice, relaxing weekend!! stay hydrated and eat lots of good food!!

HIIIIIIIII💗💗💗💗💗

OMG OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH!!!! it started out as a fun comedy show and now has my whole heart like the acting?? the crew dynamic?? it being found family🥺🥺🥺🥺[and whoever made blackbeard's beard. god bless].

bro im literally christian and still forgot that holy week is coming up😭[🧍‍♂️ my baptism is in two months too....]. anyway hope you enjoy your week off!!

i really love hills so much cause the scenery and yk when you do a long trek and your so freaking tired but then you go to the top and see the view and its like "oh" and the entire trek was completely worth it because you get to see the world in a completely new perspective and its just. mindblowing right?

im glad it wasnt smth more serious and not in the exact terms but i think it is a thing here too. stay safe tho!! dude i grew up near the coast too!! the summer months were hell and it still is kinda where i live but its milder here . for now😭. until its summer my mom BANS making ice cubes/ ice water cause i get sick easily and im more used to drinking hot water cause of that. BESTIE I LOVE RANTS ILY PLS DONT HESITATE TO TALK TO ME🗣🔊🔊🔊!!

im waiting until thursday to watch ep5 cause *gestures at schoolwork* but the way taesung had that one picture of them as kids in his wallet🥺🥺🥺 childhood friends to lovers trope is so *clenches hand*

the way april for me is literally scheduled around schoolwork and the release of my fav series💗 ALSO . are you gonna watch kinnporsche!!! i saw the first trailer a while ago and 😳😳 and the final trailer too,,

my daily routine atm is just: sleep->study->school-> scroll on tumblr and boy is it tiring. im trying to early bird kills the worm and all but im just tired tired tired about it. but bro you gotta sleep properly!! you already got a cold!! at least 7 minimum per day!!

we went fully offline and its better in a way but the commute with my heavy ass math book is so grueling like my math book is SO fucking thick im literally carrying my other textbooks in my hand so i dont pull my back T T

theres a new schedule coming out so i just wrote down my schedule on my journal and changed my wallpaper into a whale one(its purple. like smth else.kfbrhoi i hope you get it)

theyre collabing with THE snoop dog AND ITS SO *excited noises* and bighit said theyre not confirming right now so we know its basically confirmed. i was watching bts american hustle and it literally amazes me cause their talent comes from a place of hardwork and practice and they keep improving each comeback and that thing about other artists pushing their schedules when bts perform like theyre on another level entirely btw ur feelings on ddaeng ?

emily by san fermin was nice!! but the song's cover reminded me of this one horror book and listening to it with a horror vibe😳 changed everything .

arroz con pollo🤝🏾biryani 🤝🏾 us eating our mom's food while everyone else argues about

i cannot wait to see heartstopper and yasmin finney! is !so ! freaking! beautiful!!

no see the thing is I get it okay. i get the hype for 4*town. like if i was in the turning red universe i'd undoubtedly be a fan of them[and everyone having nobody like u on their on repeat *victoria justice voice*i think we are ALL 4*townies][also one of the members being based off jimin is so *waves hands around* like they didnt say it out loud but we all knew]

halloween outfits this year is gonna be lit🖤 hope you get to watch it battinson soon!! i feel you about parents being weird with other male friends😔

its not exactly a sequel its more just inspired by(they have the same actors) i havent watched it but its a hindi remake of the tamil film that i have watched(its basically about a guy trying to find solutions for his erectile dysfunction.yes you did read that correctly) . theyre both thematically very different movies with no context dependent on e/o so you dont need to watch but if you wanted to i did hear it was p good.

placing good vibes, good health and lots of free time forward in ur way (u cant refuse i put a clause in the T&C)

[janeyseymour]

me shitting on my shithead ex

TWs: abuse, domestic violence, manipulation, panic attacks, probably others... so if this doesn't sound like something you wanna read, feel free to skip.

it’s literally just me bitching about my shithead ex. Mum is not “Mum” here. I’m a cold, bitter person in this. I let my rage out, and truly channel a bitch here. 

Alright listen up mama has a lot of ✨trauma✨

Sooooo…. My life is one big trauma and I love that for me lmao

My family life was shit for a while, and I was a whole shitshow in myself until… well I’m still a shitshow honestly, but uh, we can dive into that another time if you want lmao I have enough baggage to share with this story right here. My family situation is a whole other story lmaoooooooooo 

Well, senior year I meet this boy. And he was real sweet (this is shithead ex).

We dated for 2 1/2 years. 2 1/2 very long years. I wore rose tinted glasses for the first year and a half. Like I said, he was sweet.

Well, for the first 9 months that we dated, he didn’t have a job. He ended up getting a job at a local deli… only to lose said job 2 months later. For the next however long we dated, mans went through 5 other jobs… dick’s sporting goods, a waitress at a local restaurant, real estate agent, caretaker of dogs, and finally working with his father who said if he wasn’t his son he would have fired him too. 

Mans also “went to college” for a semester, failed, and told me that he didn’t know why he wasn’t getting his grades… man didn’t attend classes, didn’t pay for said classes and failed… that’s why.

I was able to overlook this for a while. 1 1/2 years actually.

Well, rose tinted glasses came off on my 19th birthday. My friends wanted to hang out, and he literally stopped me from going. I wasn’t allowed to see my friends because “I don’t like your friends” okay well I didn’t fucking ask… “You’re gonna fuck them” … no I’m not??? They’re like my brothers, and I was in love with him… not them??

All we did was fight from then on… things like “you’re not allowed to wear that… other boys will look at you…” “why would you wear that out? you look like a whore” “why do you insist on eating healthy can’t we just get a burger and be done” “you shouldn’t drink all of that coffee it's bad for you” “why cant you ever stay awake?” “you’re letting yourself go.” “are you fucking kidding me”

Manipulation was strong. I tried to leave so many times but couldn’t. It was the “I can’t live without you babe” and “No one would ever love someone as broken as you”

I was abused for the last year of that relationship because I was so scared that I wasn’t good enough and I would never be capable of being loved again. Because well, he loved me, right? If I left… I don’t really know. (LMAO I really am Jane in this way… and he truly was my HenRat)

And then it got physical. I was going to school full-time, working crazy amounts of hours at my job, and really only had time to see him late at night after work. We would settle in on his couch, and I would either do homework or we would watch television. He didn’t like when I did homework. Oftentimes when we would watch tv, I would fall asleep. I was EXHAUSTED. 18 credits worth of school and babysitting and working at a gym almost full time is a hard feat, let me tell you. He didn’t like that. He would shake me awake. Now, I don’t bruise. I just have a skin complexion where I dont bruise. I would fucking bruise… and he knew it. I would tell him it hurt me. He would do the usual “oh baby I’m so sorry it won’t happen again” only for it to happen again. This led to panic attacks... terrible anxiety. 

And then it was the “come on babe we never do anything anymore” to which I would reply with “can we please just not? I’m tired and I just want to relax”… and he wouldn’t take it for an answer. Rough nights for me… physically, mentally, emotionally.

It took me a year to get out of that relationship. Now, for being as young as I am… that’s a long time. Covid hit, we were all quarantined, and I stopped seeing him (even though I was working in public) because “my dad is high risk”. Best two weeks of my life, not having to see him. I didn’t FaceTime him, I barely even talked to him other than “morning” and “goodnight” texts. I drove to his house one day after work and literally said “we can’t keep doing this. We’re both miserable, and I can’t do this anymore. We have to break up.” And I drove away and never looked back. And I don’t regret it one bit. I do regret not getting out of that relationship sooner.

That being said, it has left me royally fucked. I see every red flag, every hint of any red flag, and I refuse to put myself in that situation again.

I’m genuinely content with the progress I’ve made on myself, and I refuse to let anyone ruin the progress I’ve made.

So, thank you shithead ex for more trauma to add onto my already extensive list of traumatic things that have happened to me. You truly deserve to get wrecked, and I am so much better off without you. I’m better than I ever thought I could be. truly, get fucked. 

Despite all of the absolute SHIT I’ve been put through in this very short time I’ve been alive, I still do my best to come out of it stronger, better, and with as much love in my heart as I can (although I guess it’s pretty ironic i say this considering this is just one big rant about how I fucking hate someone)

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

[blackrupee]

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar