#im glad i dont see the people that made me the most uncomfortable anymore but sadly i am also not seeing many of the people that

[commander-gloryforge]

for this year im making my own guild wars 2 community in which i can finally truly feel happy and comfortable, consisting of: me. and myself. and the third member is i.

[kusundei]

oh god forbid. see i was sorta prepping for it earlier bcuz??? wdym. im going to see my nutritionist. follow up or not i remember what they said and wdym its IN PERSON. like jesus christ but nooo. i. expected it i think. when they asked me how much i weighed before i was just like heh idk. i think that mightve fucked me over bcuz i think they think i lost??? like 25-30lbs in??? a few months???? which isnt . horrible but not ideal. its just taking into context the time i spent staying a consistent 160ish after recovery or whatevet and then suddenly dropping down to what. ???? im assuming ???? im??? 140??? or high 130s???? its the way they didnt let me look at the scale but informed me ive lost. like im aware sorta.

just glad they didnt tell my mom. made it a whole thing explaining my recovery and therapy and how i am not DISORDERED. but its inclined them to question my testosterone again bcuz its “not normal” like yeah i know. and then again i also just like look the same like sorry??? thats not me being evil and disordered i swear on my life i havent changed. the only reason i know is because of the scale and also . okay maybe my pants. everything fits me better now. clothes r bigger i suppose but i still??? am the same??? like idk .

no im not. evil. they asked me the same question again if i was . relapsing. or even just thinking ab my weight again and tbh not really??? thats the thing. im not??? like no ive accepted ive always just been on the bigger side. im well aware its not something i try to change anymore jusr cuz im aware even if i lose i wont be happy w myself regardless.. which is evil but at least im self aware. its judt like idk. iiii dont know. i truly am judy not hungry most of the time but i know my body is lashing me for it slightly. getting the same kind of pains i get when i dont eat but i cant eat??

like . idk. im not rlly considering the fact im restricting on purpose but maybe if i truly think ab it maybe i am..??? idk. just the same thing over and over. oh i wont eat yet its too early. im not hungry enough ill eat later. i cant eat this in front of these people??? oh you want my food judt take it??? like idk. same thing . i definitely eat like i wont not let myself not eat for a day thats too evil for me. i guess if anything i am sorta acknowledging my. bad. relationship. w food. idk its weird though cuz . im?? evil????

idk it just reminds me like. im fine eating in front of sav. i suppose thats a time thing but its also just chz shes the one person who will lash me sincerely if i dont eat. then theres ayden and idgaf. aleena. ethan. etc. I dont rlly care and i think that stems mostly from.??? the fact??? they???? eat??? more??? than i do???? which is fucking HORRIBLE TO ADMIT its just like. idk. maybe rhats what it is. reminds me of kyle. my anorexic king like i get it. stop spitting pro-ed shit at me . idc youre restricting idc you think youre fat like buddy. r you patronizing me.

im joking. its just like??? idk. i guess im just keeping it on the dl. family definitely notices though??? oh how uncomfortable i am eating in front of family wtf. reminds me of matthews birthday i was getting lashed. here and there over and over just. r you gonna eat??? why arent you eating yet??? like i know. and no i was sorta hungry its just i knew i cpuldnt rlly stomach anything and jrs weird. like holy fuck was i tweaking i kept. talking to myself. assuring myself it was okay and nobody was judging me and they WANT ME TO EAT and its no big deal loke what the fuck. idk. it was so weird i sat down and tried eating that burger and jesus. i wanted to throw up??? but i knew i needed to eat?? i was hungry but i couldnt stomach it??? also nervous because i was being perceived like jesus christ.

i think. as much as im like rotating bsck and forth i might. be. a bit evil. restricting wise. idk its just my body keeps doing it to me and its. ??? im also fighting that. acknowledgement that i am being. competitive again. see i never got that competitive feeling all too much except w jd cause it was.??? idk??? she was enabling me??? this time around genuinely no one is im just doing it to myself. ESPECIALLY W AJAX LIKE JESUS. what thre fuck am i doing. whyyy do i care its not like hes going to lash me??? he asks me if ive eaten??? reminds me to eat??? asks me to??? like he is NOT lashing me. ??? but why am i??? being??? so evil??? about it???

it comes and goes though. its just horrible to admit that guilty feeling i get all the time when i eat and its likr god fucking forbid. i thought i was over this. ill be honest i mean like?? i could probably get over it. i just need to. again. separate the two. its a constant battle of reminding myself ajax is not jd (obviously) and hes not going to lash me over these things. that he doesnt want me to be evil and bad and worse because he cares and hes not secretly judging me and plotting against me??? that hes not lying to me and everything is okay??? like idk thats just evil sam. i just need to chill out i think. i just hate how it comes and goes like sometimes i eat like a normal human being and then sometimes i eat like nothing at all. like today. im not hungry. mom is lashing me ab eating right now buuut. oh god forbid will she ask me about the appt if i sit w her.

rambling alot idk im just. im aware. i know. i sont need a nutritionist or a psychiatrist to tell me what im already aware of. im not disordered anymore but im not denying the fact i might be a bit evil again. just trying not to enable myself??? like everythint isss okay. just glad they agreed not to tell my mom. like she doesnt need to know this. but ill have to talk ab this w ellis the next time i see them^_^;;;. oh but everything is okay… im fineee im normal im healthy im okay. IMMM OKAY. i loveee my boyfriend oh god i miss him so bad. praying he comes to school and hes okay . siiighhh……. i need school to end but i also need it to keep going. just. ugh. i sont wanna go to school tmr but i also want to. so idk. GOD FUCKING FORBID i cant but irs okay im full of love 💗

[gomzdrawfr]

Hi! I was wondering if I should send this non-anon or not, but preferred to keep my identity a secret, I guess.

Dunno why but felt like saying this after seeing your posts. I was once a shipper in the fandom, liking both canon x canon and canon x oc ships, until I saw something that made me uncomfortable with the first of the two. That is until I've reached your account.

Sure, I was cautious with ship content (not that I'm saying it's a bad thing. Just made me kinda uncomfortable after that incident) but when I let my guard down and saw some of your posts, I realized that maybe not every shipper is as....uh...y'know the type of people I'm talking about right?

All I'm saying is...thank you. Because of your adorable posts (and the balance of both types of ships [canonxcanon and ocxcanon. I love PriceRaven so much istg]), I tried to look for artists like you. Thanks to you, I can also go and try to find artists similar to yours in context of shipping. And I did and I did not regret it (even if I don't ship anymore, but it was delightful to see the things people create now that I've...healed from it?).

I'm still trying to be careful in the fandom with the things going on. But seriously though, thanks a lot! If there's one thing this fandom needs is people like you. Ones who don't cause a fuss and also knows boundaries when shipping as well. No hate, no discomfort. If people say otherwise and hate on you because of shipping content, damn them. They should be grateful if anything as you did nothing wrong and just wanted to create what you wish.

Anyway, sorry for the long ask (end up ranting. Sorry bout that). But yeah, hope you have a great day! Maybe one day, if you allow me, I could sketch out Raven? If it's alright with you.

Thank you again!

hi!! thank you for the ask and hey no worries, you're welcome to rant in my ask or share your experience

Im sorry for what you went through, fandom often do come with its uhhh moments to say the least, im glad you've healed from it and is able to enjoy things the way they are at your own pace

its definitely good to curate your own space, adjust your settings and block out on things that are uncomfortable, even though there are still some things that will definitely pop up despite the cautious measures, but hey! shit happens and the most important thing is to understand that you're not alone in this, and take a rest from the media once in awhile

Im actually really touched that you find my page a nice place to visit ((yes PriceRaven is like my bread and butter I cant live without them and will yap about them forever)) which also lead you to other artists!

im straightforward, Im okay with almost anything interest wise in the fandom (ships/dynamic/fics genre etc), if im not okay with it i'll just move on or mute/block certain words, simple as it should be.

Although people do find my angst stuff "threatening" LMAO but eh im over it pft if they dont like it then its fine let them be

as the saying goes "no matter how perfect the apple is, someone will still hate it" so fuck it yk, it is what it is (my life motto and also blog's motto HAHA)

Thank you for your message though, Im really grateful for it and im genuinely happy, enjoy your stay here

AND OFC YOU CAN DRAW MY OC RAVEN!! FEEL FREE TO SEND IT TO ME ONCE YOU DID :D (take your time ofc dont mind the excited goofball i am)

have a good day as well!!

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i really wonder what the context was of my last post. cause if it was about the girl who had a crush on me thats unfortunate. but if its someone else im gagged. im such a baddie. idk. idk. i think recently ive been in such a defensive state. like im waiting for something bad to happen at the hands of another person, and im expecting the absolute worst from them. i want to see the best but i also dont want to get hurt. i dont know where this stemmed from. i guess my people pleasing has gotten out of hand, because it hasnt been succeeding. 

my job is kind lowering my vibration beyond repair. i weirdly enjoy it though? i dont know. i must be too in my masculine. and of course, completely disconnected from my spirit and higher self. i cant bring myself to talk to my sister cause i know we will only trigger eachother. 

so here i am. sitting in the silence. tired of it all. 

i cant even bring myself to physically write in my journal. and working out isnt as meditative as it used to be. though im so glad i can still get my ass up and do it. its not as fun and exciting. i kinda feel guilty for sexualising myself and loving my own body. literally, yesterday i was trying to force myself to be comfortable with my skin out, that i ruined my opportunity for a relaxing walk. the entire time i was self conscious and felt like the entire world was watching me. completely uncomfortable. 

my anxiety is in a rough period at the moment. i dont even smoke weed anymore. that used to be such a spiritual practice for me and now im afraid of it. im kinda afraid of everything. especially people. 

its weird, because i seem like i love people. i tell myself im good because i am so social at work, and i perform well and i connect with customers. but in reality, i cant hold onto any kind of relationship. if i do it has to be superficial or im uncomfortable. 

i think if i shifted my focus to the good things about the relationships i do have, and the things that make me happy and comfortable and at peace, these issues im creating wont seem so huge anymore. its always like that. i should talk to my psych about all of this. i need to see her... i cant believe its been so long. like, my fucking dogs died. they both fucking died. 

they contributed to my focus on isolation at the moment. i suddenly had the ground pulled from beneath me. they were my stability and my safety. now i feel so alone, at my core, that its all i can think about. its made me realise how short life is and how quickly things can change and slowly everyone is slipping away... when i pushed them out. i forced them to leave. theyre barely even leaving when we were nothing to begin with. 

i get the feeling ive said all of this a million times before. it never really changes. 

i feel like im a really driven and motivated person. i am smart and self controlled, and responsible, and im good at the things i try my best at. im gifted. but at the same time, i cant change the things about me that cause me the most stress and worry. i am stuck. i have been stuck, for so, so long. im tired of it. im so TIRED. 

this loneliness is comforting. its healing in a way, cause i can avoid all the drama and stress of attempting to tell anyone how i am feeling. but that in itself is so fucking pathetic and toxic and weak. its like, i failed at the most fundamental human thing. communicating. connecting with others. creating a community. 

maybe one day someone will piss e off enough that i blow up on everyone. why does the idea of that bring me so much relief? 

i cant even bother myself to consider spiritual practice right now. oh im stuck in the past and its holding me back from opportunities and the blessings from the universe? bitch, im trying to fight depression! who gives a fuck about opportunities right now?! i have nothing to fucking live for besides europe. thats so pathetic. i need to get my head right again because this is such a huge mess. im under so much pressure. i have no time. time, time, time, time. 

i need to be more social, i need to be more this and that. its a fucking exhausting thing to be in my mind right now. where did all the love go? it literally died with them. grief is consuming me. i cant pause life but its consuming me and im trying to pretend to be happy but im also trying to find the happiness again but its gone. they took it with them into the afterlife. or just into the fucking ground. 

it poured so heavily today and my heart hurt with the anxiety i felt that you were cold and alone out there. that you were getting wet and without cover. why does it keep on raining? youll be so cold. i remember you laid in the rain the night before you died because you could barely move or notice it was happening. my poor babies. i miss you so much. 

this is why ive been avoiding planning my birthday like a fucking plague, like a fucking disease. how can i even think about celebrating my life when yours have ended? to even celebrate without you? its too painful. i cant pretend like this anymore. but of course ill keep on acting like im fine. its the only way. i fucking hate this world. 

[karlnaping]

// ranboo situation

im gonna say this as as my opinion and lesbians feel free to drop your opinions bc im curious about what the rest of you think too

if you havent yet heard about ranboos apolgoy, he basically was apologizing for screenshots of his discord back in october when he joked about being a "lesbian himbo man" and generally being told that he dresses like a lesbian

now, as a lesbian i was originally very confused about why he was apologizing, and it's because that joke came from lesbians. same with the "cant believe tommys a lesbian" clip and people calling george a cottagecore lesbian with his mushroom house. it was a very popular joke among lesbians at the time, and obviously its almost impossible to know if a chat member or a dono is coming from a lesbian, but in the situation that it is or generally lesbians making the joke, i feel like its fair game for streamers to play along/repeat it, because for the most part lesbians arent uncomfortable abt it because they were the ones who started it

obviously, the issue is when non-lesbians start to make the joke. because i do get the "dont enforce lesbian stereotypes/use them as an aesthetic/make them the butt of jokes" when it comes to non-lesbians, which is the same for like,,, any sexuality really. (for any lesbians, tho, feel free to make the joke because you Are allowed to)

the issue is that mcyttwt and the fandom in general just keeps coming back to digging up old clips and screenshots over and over again even though we keep saying stop, and its always a minority that doesnt actually affect them. (90% sure the person who first brought up the screenshot wasnt even lesbian) this happened with the karl situation, despite it being obvious that he changed and obviously doesnt support any form of antisemitism/homophibia/racism. ranboos situation may seem a little bit different because it was only 6 months ago, but even still, ranboo caught himself and deleted the screenshots a While before they were brought up recently. he's been nothing but supportive to the entire lgbtq+ community, of course he's not going to be lesphobic. (personally i dont even consider the comments lesphobic, bc again, popular joke at the time, but to each their own) literally all youre achieving is reminding minorities that sometimes people suck.

at the same time though, people change, which is why bringing up screenshots and clips that dont reflect who ccs are anymore is just ridiculous at this point imo

i also think its different sexuality-wise compared to jokes about race or religion because unlike race which you can see right away, or typical religious indicators, sexuality isnt something that can exactly be defined unless verbally being told. like a lot of people say, youre white before youre anything else. thats not something that you can hide. (again, saying this as a white lesbian, so lmk if im out of line for this. also not trying to say that lgbtq+ oppression isnt real, relevant, or severe)

i will say, although i personally believe the apology was unnecessary and just kind of annoying that mcyttwt does this like once a month (i say as a member of mcyttwt), im glad he owned up to something and told people to both not say he did anything wrong because he Did make a mistake, telling people its ok and understandable if they dont support him anymore/he wont be mad, as well as turn off chat and ask people to not accept the apology if theyre not lesbian, as well as make multiple tweets about it. i think going forward in the event that a cc DOES make that kind of mistake and its ACTUALLY recent and not an old screensh, if they choose to address it on stream this should be the standard

and thats not to say that its not valid if it did make you uncomfortable if you are lesbian because no lesbian is the same nor have the same experiences. so however you choose to take the situation/his apology is up to you.

tl;dr i personally accept ranboo's apology as a lesbian even though i think it wasn't rly necessary bc he was just repeating a joke that lesbians had already made (as well as one i personally do not find offensive) and we should once again stop bringing up old screenshots and clips from ccs if they dont reflect their opinions anymore, ESPECIALLY if its a minority group youre not in because its not actually helping anyone. i do think his apology was well executed tho for being on stream and should be the standard for the future.

at the end of the day, watch who you wanna watch, support who you wanna support, just dont speak over minority groups, bring up old stuff thats not relevant to any minority group youre in, or accept apolgies if youre not apart of the affected minority group

feel free to yell at me, this is just my opinion. lesbians lmk y'alls takes

[miraeluc]

you’re suffering alone

prompt: “kageyama knows you as his little ray of sunshine, but what does he do when he finds out how you really feel?”

pairing: kageyama x female! reader 

word count: 3k

warnings: MAJOR tw!!! depression, again major tw self harm, reader cries a lot when kageyama finds out, reader’s mom is dead lol i went all out 

genre: fluff, angst

you were always their little ray of sunshine

when you first joined the school a year ago and introduced yourself all excitedly

hinata ran to tanaka after that class

“we need to convince her to be our manager!!!!”

tanaka was down lol

it didn’t take long to convince you, you were looking for extracurricular activities to engage in anyway 

the conversation went a bit like this

“y/n-san! do you want to be karasuno’s volleyball team manager?”

“sure!”

“we swear it- did you just say yes?”

“...yes”

cue tanaka and hinata screaming 

after you became their manager it didn’t take you and kageyama too long to fall in love either 

he adored the good vibes you brought with in any room you stepped in and you enjoyed the calmness that came with him (except when hinata’s around to annoy him, pretty boy radiates ᵃⁿᵍʸ energy then lol)

poor boy didn’t know that what he felt towards you until he had the whole team screaming at him to ask you out 

so he did 

and so you ended up here, 10 months into dating kageyama and 12 months into being karasuno’s manager along with kiyoko and hitoka 

everyone found it a little weird that you were always the one to stay the longest out of everyone, but everyone assumed it was just because you genuinely enjoyed being there

which you did, don’t get me wrong

that just wasn’t the only reason.

no one actually knew why you had changed schools in the middle of the year

every time someone asked you pushed it off, claiming your old school just wasn’t working out and started babbling about how much you love being at this school and how glad you are to have found real friends like them

“time for a break, i brought food!!”

you held the bags of food up, getting tackled in a gross sweaty hug by nishinoya 

“it’s like you heard my stomach calling out for you, y/n!!! you’re my saviour!!!”

you immediately laughed 

“i know, noya, now get off, you’re sweaty�� you cringed a little and he got off, a little offended but he quickly forgot about it and snatched the bags 

you were all sat on the ground, everyone eating quietly when hinata started complaining about his mother nagging him to focus a little more on studying 

that’s how everyone started talking about their mothers, somehow everyone having a little to complain about 

“what ‘bout you, y/n? you have nothing to remark about your mom like our little crybabies here?” daichi looked at you

everyone whined at that,, “we’re not babies!!”

you tensed up at the question before relaxing and smiling 

“nope! my mom is perfect.” you giggled

“woah, i wish!! you need to introduce me to your mom, y/n!!” 

noya was very invested in your mom being perfect, lol

you see

kageyama here is very observant, whether it be on the court or just, well, people in general

he saw you tense up for that split-second, not pressing it further 

he knows you most likely aren’t ready to talk about it 

now that he thinks about it, you never talk about your family

he’d love to know but he understands that you’ll come to him when you’re ready to tell him and he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by nagging you about it

“i’ll introduce you to her, noya” you giggled

his face lit up and he nodded before the topic changed again and you could now also speak to them about how annoying and hard math class is

fr tho i hate math 

after they were done eating no one could move anymore, let alone practice

hinata tried

keyword tried 

he threw up....

no one else even wanted to practice after that - opting to clean up and end practice for today instead

“kageyama, ill head out a bit early today, i’ve got some stuff to do” you said

you startled the shit out of him because he was just bringing the last volleyball to the cart

“HO- oh.” he stopped himself from screaming and turned to you 

“alright, just take care..” he mumbled, ruffling your hair which made you whine and fix it 

you hate when he does that 

he thinks your reaction is adorable

you scoffed and pulled him down to your height to plant a little kiss on his cheek 

he blushed, pda isnt for him

you loved his soft side so much 

nonetheless he smiled at you and straightened up again 

“call me if anything happens” he cleared his throat 

baby was a little awkward with stuff like this 

you didn’t mind though

you nodded and smiled “will do!”

and off you were lol 

hinata then popped up infront of kageyama 

“what’d you do to her!?!?!?! she never leaves early!!!!!!!”

kageyama pushed him away by the head 

“she just has stuff to do, shut up.”

“hey, mom..” you smiled lightly as you sat down 

“nishinoya is really looking forward to meeting you! the whole team asked about you today.. today was an ok day, i was pretty distracted all day so i didn’t have the time to feel sad again.”

...

you sighed

“but, you know, it’s been getting harder lately. it seems that getting out of bed to get to school is getting harder.. i love making everyone happy, but it’s hard being the provider and never getting something in return. sometimes, when things get hard, i just want to drop everything. i want to stop acting so bubbly and happy, but i know you wouldn’t want me to lose my smile.”

you stood up 

“i’ll get going then, i love you.”

you placed the flowers down on the grave before you, staring down at it with a sad smile before making your way home, yet again 

the next day you showed up to school as you usually did, taking your seat next to kageyama after greeting him like usual 

you were having a conversation with hinata

it was too early for kageyama to speak 

everyone was confused when you didn’t show up to practice that day

kags(｡◝‿◜｡) , 2:47pm: are you not coming to practice?

y/n, 2:49pm: no baby, i’m sorry :( i really can’t tODAY, im so upset over it 

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:50pm: did something happen?

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:53pm: y/n?

y/n, 3.26pm: nope, i just have some stuff to do at home  (╥﹏╥)

the next day you showed up like usual again, this time attending practice too

just like that the days seemed to go by in a blur for you 

day by day you felt yourself breaking more 

day by day the scars on your hips multiplied 

and day by day it got a little harder to make the room light up when you stepped inside 

it was after practice and it was only you, nishinoya and kageyama left 

“hey, y/n, can i finally meet your mom today??”

he was pressing around so much about it 

you smiled and shrugged,

“sure, i bet she doesn’t mind a visit”

“can i come too?” kageyama asked timidly and you nodded 

“of course.. it’s about time.” you smiled 

your eyes were a little glassy 

he frowned

nishinoya was too busy getting excited over meeting the first ever perfect mother to notice and he began dragging you out “let’s go then!”

he was pulling you to the direction of your place before you abruptly stopped

“ah-ah, i didn’t say i still live with her, did I?”

you had both boys confused now and you started walking into the right direction

you intertwined your fingers with kageyama’s

he squeezed your hand a little 

he knew you needed a little support 

only did he not expect you to lead them to the cemetery

nishinoya’s smile dropped when you actually entered the cemetery 

he saw it but he expected you to walk past 

you stopped in front of your mothers grave 

“there she is.” you let out a sigh 

kageyama felt his heart drop 

“wait, y/n, i’m so sorry for pressing this so mu-”

kageyama pulled you in a tight hug, shaking his head at the boy, who now went quiet 

he felt so horrible

you were trying so hard to hold your tears back, looking at noya

“don’t worry, you didn’t know.” 

you still smiled at him 

kageyama then spoke 

“it’s best if you go home, don’t you think?”

he didn’t even sound angry at this point 

nishinoya nodded and left 

he really felt so bad 

you couldn’t hold back and broke out in tears after

this was the first time you cried in front of your boyfriend 

he didn’t expect it to hurt this much 

hearing your little sobs break through you 

he could feel his own heart breaking as he tightened the hug 

neither of you said anything

he just let you cry into his chest 

he didn’t need to tell you he was there for you with words

he told you through gently patting your back as you cried

he told you through not judging you when you cried like this 

even when it started raining and the rain was slowly seeping through both of your clothes he didnt loosen his grip on you 

he let you finish crying 

however long it took 

and when you finally looked up at him, only the moon’s light illuminating your face, he felt his heart break, again, at the sight of your puffy eyes and red nose

he wanted to protect you from all bad things, forever.

“gosh, i’m sorry, it took me so long to stop crying..” 

he shook his head and pecked your forehead quickly “no. you didn’t.”

“..is this why you always avoided talking about your mother?”

you nodded, looking down at her grave, the flowers you placed there two days ago already droopy

you then looked up at him again 

“thank you, for.. supporting me..”

nishinoya apologised about 27 times when he saw you 

you kept reassuring him that it was alright but he felt so bad 

he felt so bad he couldn’t even properly play that day 

daichi sent him home early

“come back when you dont have two left legs!!!”

practice ended soon after that anyway 

you sat on a bench, filling out the last bits of your homework so you didnt have to do it at home, not even noticing that it was just you and kageyama left until he called out to you 

“hey, y/n, mind throwing me some balls? i’m not tired yet and i want to keep practicing”

you happily helped

you admired his determination to get better daily

it was refreshing, seeing him so passionate about volleyball 

how couldn’t you help when he asked like that

that’s how he was now practicing as you were talking 

“can you come over tonight?”

you furrowed your brows

“but it’s a school night?”

he shrugged “i don’t care. you haven’t been at my place for three entire weeks! i only see you at school, i miss you.” he was honest

he really missed you and he wanted to know what was up with your lame excuses every time he asked 

you then nodded 

“alright then, i’ll come.”

whilst he was busy drinking water you tried ‘passing’ the ball (at which you horribly failed)

“look, i’m a better setter than you!”

he chased you down lol 

you took him by surprise when he finally caught you, grabbing onto your hips, followed by a loud intake of breath and a wince from you

fuck

well

he obviously immediately let go

“y/n. what’s wrong?”

you sighed and turned towards him

“um.. i.. hit my hip earlier today..?” you trailed off and he immediately knew that you were lying 

honestly, he kind of had an idea of what it was 

he just didn’t want to think of that possibility

he might be a bit slow, but he’s not stupid 

he has a slight idea why you haven’t been coming over

he notices how the circles under your eyes have gotten darker 

he notices how you sleep in classes, which is something you never do 

and he’s so, so worried 

but he’s scared to approach you 

he’s scared to confirm his worst fears 

he shook his head at you “don’t lie.”

you sighed softly “kageyama, it’s nothing.”

you avoided his gaze and he shook his head again, now unable to hold back from speaking 

“no, y/n. you’re not okay, i know you’re not. i know that you struggle every day and i know you don’t like speaking about it, but i just can’t keep watching you suffer in silence, i do give you your space, but not when it truly concerns your well-being to the point i cant touch you or see you as often as i’d like to!” 

he stopped and took a deep breath, shaking his head 

“let’s go home first, i want to talk about this in a place i can do more for you.”

you were speechless

you never had expected him to notice anything, let alone speak up about it 

you were so lost in thought you let him drag you to his room quietly 

you snapped back to reality when he was unlocking his door, walking inside when it was open - you following 

you sat on his bed, still not knowing what to say

how the tables turn, usually its kageyama being the quiet one and you being the one to fill the silence with unnecessary babbling lol 

he looked at you, uncertainty swimming in his eyes

“can i see?”

you immediately knew what he was talking about, looking down 

you pondered over it a little before nodding

he crouched down before you, looking up at you 

“you know you can trust me, right?”

you furrowed your brows “of course”

“you don’t need to hide your feelings from me, baby, i love you through all of your emotional states, i love seeing you happy but i like comforting you when you feel sad too, you mustn’t hide your feelings.”

your eyes filled with tears at that one sentence

i love you through all of your emotional states

“thank you..” you sniffled

“i mean it. it hurts me when you hide it, it makes me feel so helpless, i don’t want to watch you crumble before my eyes, please, talk to me..”

“i just feel so hopeless, kags.. my heart feels so dull lately.”

you finally let in

“it feels like every single day repeats itself and all of my responsibilities are so hard to fulfill..it’s so hard turning up to school, bringing positive energy with me when all i feel is my sadness taking over my entire self bit by bit.”

he was listening, now sat on the floor before you, chin resting on your knee as you spoke

“but you’re not responsible for anyone’s happiness except yours. i don’t like when you prioritise others before yourself, y/n.. i don’t say it often but you’re truly so important to me and i don’t want you to lose yourself only because you try to make others happy.. it isn’t worth it, we love you for you, i can assure you, no one from our group would judge you for feeling down, we all have bad days, gosh, we all have bad weeks or even months! hiding these feelings will only worsen your pain and lead you to.. do irrational things..” he said, fingertips tracing over your hip gently

“let me see first and then we’ll talk about how we’re fixing this, ok?”

you sniffled and nodded, letting him pull the side of your pants down enough to reveal to him what he feared most 

seeing the cuts scattered on your skin broke him, truly.

he gulped and stood up, leaving to get you a pair of his shorts

“put these on, this way i can tend to them better.” he said, wanting to clean it up first before telling you his thoughts about it 

you nodded and changed into the shorts, him trying not to break down there and then as he left to get some stuff

when he came back you were patiently waiting for him and let him clean the cuts with some alcohol (not without complaining at the stings) before he bandaged them up as best as he could

he then laid down and pulled you with him, hugging you

“oh my precious y/n..” he mumbled

he was hugging your head to his chest to hide the fact that he was tearing up 

he wanted to help you so bad but he knew exactly that he couldn’t just end your suffering and it hurt him 

“but why? why do you do that to yourself?”

his voice cracked when he asked and you looked up, realisation hitting you 

you hurt him so bad by doing this.

the person you loved and cherished most 

“it felt like the only escape”

he caressed the top of your head

“pressuring you into stopping won’t help and isn’t worth it, but please, when you feel like.. doing that, call me instead. i’ll be at your place in no time and- even if you don’t want to talk i can just hug you and keep you company-”

you cut him off by pressing your lips against his

“i will, baby. i’ll call you whenever i feel down from now on”

he nodded “thank you”

he was thanking you as if he wasn’t the one helping you right now

you now hugged him back, “i’m sorry for not saying earlier..”

he hummed “lets just lay here. you’ll get better, i promise.”

he kept his promise

ever since that day, he’s been calling you morning and night, making sure you felt good waking up and going to bed 

he often called you through entire nights

he made you slowly start to understand that your purpose wasn’t to make anyone happy but yourself

he made you realise you were more than a mere person that’s always happy

and he made you understand that showing your feelings wasnt something to be embarrassed about 

(the entire team was very supportive too when they found out you were struggling! kageyama didn’t explain the details though)

so yep.

you had kageyama and a bunch of friends that were supporting you 

and for the first time, you felt hopeful for the future, your mother watching over you proudly after years of struggling and even having to move schools for a fresh start

she could now rest easily, knowing your guardian angel found his way to you and won’t ever leave you.

a/n: YALL I MADE MYSELF EMO WITH THIS ONE:( i hope you enjoyed it & please leave comments about it! 

[nightswithkookmin]

With the grammy bomb im more than certain that there is a strain between jikook. They do interact but in a way that is so aloof. Their habitual gravitating towards one another doesnt happen anymore. And im talking about all the recent stuff from october onwards. Jk purposefully rear towards other members and i find jimin to be only open towards namjoon. All of his other interactions on cam are to make sure that everything is fine between him and others. And jk purposefully ignores or avoids jimin and doesnt have that unrestrainable affection towards him anymore. I say all this as a longtime jikook supporter. Honestly even if they had their 'fighting' periods i have never seen jk this dismissive. At least jimin isnt as affected as before. I dont understand how no supporter is admitting the obvious distance of jk.

Why are you being mean to me though😭

Please read my blogs. I think I have talked about this topic several times now.

May be I spoke 'too soon' before the loud moments that make these things obvious to most but still, I've addressed it nonetheless.

I feel if I respond to this, I'd just be repeating myself over and over at this point and frankly it gets boring for the people that read me- I think. Lol. I mean, once I start I never shut up. Lmho. So sorry in advance.

I agree with everything you've said, as well as all the observations you've made. I'm with you on it. Except, you made no definitive conclusions I could agree on, rebut, or share an opinion on. There is a strain on their relationship..... therefore? Lol.

I don't mean this in a rude way. I just don't think it's enough to point that out without drawing conclusions- unless you are simply taking notes of those moments? Or are you concluding that the strain is a sign Jikook are fighting, having problems or that they have broken up?

Not every tension between Jikook is a bad thing if you ask me or even as a result of them having issues in their relationship. This is something I keep regurgitating in my blogs. Not to say they don't have issues, they do. Hell, I get dragged by my roots on these streets for saying they fight, or even break up sometimes like any real couple would. They are real and they have real couple's problems sometimes too like any regular joe.

I'm glad you pointed out though, that Jimin doesn't seem as affected by JK's 'dismissive' attitude as before. Shouldn't that tell you that is a sign there is nothing wrong with their relationship this time around? Jikook is not one sided. JK isn't the only party to their relationship, neither is Jimin. They have an equal and sometimes opposite reaction to each other. One person's attitude or change in attitude tends to produce a ripple effect on the other. In my opinion.

If JK were to be 'dismissive' at all, it would emotionally and physically impact Jimin and he would have a reaction to it like he did in run 106. Compared to this, he didn't seem at all affected by JK's 'attitude' just as you've pointed out.

As I said a while ago, I honestly don't think or believe they are fighting or that they are broken up either- not to me anyway. Lol. I mean you could still pretty much see the intimacy between them in that footage. Jikook don't need to engage in skinship or overt and loud interactions to show they are intimate. And most times their overt and loud skinship and interactions are devoid of intimacy. That's the thing about intimacy, you can't fake it or hide it.

Jimin turning towards JK in his fit of excitement is a sign of intimacy between them regardless of whether he actually hugged JK or not. Then later on the couch, you could see him yearning for JK.

There were three people in that room- may be more if you count staff and yet JK was the only one Jimin seemed to want an answer from.

He was the one Jimin was emotionally inclined towards. The one who's comfort and affection he sought after- bless his heart, he hit his head on some solid rock knees and everything trying to pursue his need for physical closeness and affection from JK. If they were broken up or fighting, he wouldn't go to JK for his emotional needs.

He could try and 'interact' with JK, do the fanservice bit with him but he wouldn't go to him with his emotional needs- that would be inappropriate and unfair to JK. Jimin is an emotionally intelligent guy and he has a lot of thoughts and consideration for people's feelings and he is well aware of his limits and just how much he can push or get away with.

And I cite his Log with JK, where he announced he had started developing feelings for JK and then turned to JK to ask if he was ok with him saying that much on camera.

Thus, if he is emotionally 'gravitating' towards JK then it's indication there is a level of intimacy and a mutual understanding between them that JK fulfills an emotional need and ought to fulfill that emotional need for him.

And yes, I agree. Him hesitating when he wanted to hug JK is a sign there is something stressing their dynamics which is something I pointed out when that Grammy reaction video first came out. I knew something was stressing their dynamic but I couldn't figure out what because it was a very short video with not much going on in there.

The behind the scenes however, chilee. Lol.

I mean if you consider the fact JK went from moving a distance to console Jimin when he was crying on stage during the October ON:E concert, and you look at all the moments we've had from their overt flirting in 2021 season's greetings, the sexual innuendos in the BE behind scenes video, JK sniffing Jimin's hair in the Be unboxing video to that moment on the couch when Jimin hit his head on JK's knees- that shit look like it hurt. Damn. JK what is your knees made of! Lmho.

I am uncomfortable discussing a Jikook era or phase when it's on going on. I like to simply take note of certain moments and discuss them in post by reconstructing the timeline to place content in its rightful timeframe.

I can only share with you my working theory on such moments and for the most part, like I said previously I feel Jikook- especially JK is having issues with the company. Perhaps because the company stumbled on something they weren't supposed to see.

As for Jikook's personal development, I think we all saw this development coming, didn't we? After JM's birthday fiasco? I think I hypothesized at the time that whoever was in the 'wrong' in that situation would come swinging hard on their Jikook agenda in the aftermath. And with that whole GCF Tokyo reference, signing his name to JK's name at the pop up, the stealing looks at JK during interviews, checking him out left right left, trying to make Jk 'jealous' with RM at the Be press con red carpet, it's not hard to figure out who did what in that birthday situation.

I plan on writing a blog on this very topic, because I've received quite a few Asks about my thoughts on JK outing Jimin, military service and others that I find intriguing and want to discuss but I also want to discuss Vminkook dynamics, Jikook boundaries and I don't know which one to get into first. When I'm torn between options I end up not making a choice at all. Lol.

All I can say in regards to Jikook and their on going 'situation' is that- I love it. Lol. I love their dynamics, I love where they are at in their love journey, I love where they are heading. Jikook is just beautiful in every sense of the word.

I love what JK is doing. I love where he has gotten my bias to- which is confronting himself and figuring out what he wants from their relationship. Because, honestly you can't have your cake and eat it. It just doesn't work that way.

What you are seeing is just JK asserting himself against Jimin I'm afraid. It's the push and pull thingy all over again.

I keep talking about 'the boy in love with Jungkook' being a facade and persona Jimin hides behind to love JK and most people don't understand.

JK's persona is not the boy in love with Jimin. It's the boy cold and shy who rejects Jimin- well at least that was the persona he had in their early dynamics around debut.

He has since shed that persona and the bold, fearless, assertive JK we see on the screens is him choosing to unapologetically express his love and feelings for Jimin. And jimin enjoys that.

But you take a look at Jimin, and you don't see that drastic change in his persona or the way he expresses himself with JK- I mean let's call a spade a spade.

Do I think Jimin loves JK? Absolutely. Do I think he is being authentic in the way that he expresses those feelings to JK on camera? Only to an extent.

It's obvious who Jimin is to JK or even the way he expresses himself and his love for JK is slightly different off camera than the persona we see on our screens. For one, clearly JK is not used to seeing Jimin prioritize others over him or be overly affectionate with others besides him. I mean it's been seven years. Ten, if you count the periods before. You'd think JK would get used to JM doing skinship with others or showing affection for the others especially since they've lived together over half of the time and yet here we are, frying pans away from the apocalypse whenever any member breaths near Jimin. Damn JK. Lmho.

Do I think his persona is slightly exaggerated? Yes. But I also think JM downplays his love for Jk with his 'Mr I'm available' personality, his Kumbaya attitude, and his I'm just a nice guy on the block character, which often leads to people questioning whether or not he treats JK different from the group. Don't get me wrong JK does this too.

Jimin loves JK. But at this point the question is is he expressing that love in the way that meets JK's emotional needs? Is he allowing JK to love him and express the love he feels for him in the way that makes him happy?

I think that's what the birthday fiasco is all about.

If you don't want JK openly showing and expressing his love for you in a way that he wants to and in a way that holds meaning to him and makes him feel fulfilled as well in the relationship then what is the point of him holding on to the glass closet?

Two can play that game. Lol.

It's JK's needs above the groups and I feel he is putting it right up there next to JM's needs because they are both valid.

You should have seen JK's face when Jimin decided tell the truth about his location on September 1st in that BB press interview.

I remember pointing out that when JM started that narration with the first person pronoun he was going for a well curated narrative perhaps one the group had agreed on prior to avoid confirming his location on the JK's birthday like they had tried to do during the VLive but dropped that and went with the honest truth the moment he started talking about being with Jk and using 'we' instead of 'I' in his speech.

I'm glad the interviewer from his Weverse magazine interview confirmed and pointed out this tell or habit of Jimin when he speaks,

"When he’s talking, Jimin often starts his sentence with phrases like, “I just,” “it just,” “they just …” But then he immediately goes on to open up about his feelings, always providing a sincere response."

At least now we know for sure he wasn't lying about his location- for all those who called him a liar.

Anywho, my point is it makes JK happy when Jimin expresses his love and feelings for him. But it also makes him happy when he is able to show the world just how much JM means to him.

He didn't get those tattoos for nothing. He didn't do the GCFs for nothing. He didn't nibble on his ear in front of thousands of people for nothing- had he posted for Jimin on his birthday, given how he hadn't done that for anyone in a year, it wouldn't have been for nothing either. In my opinion.

When I tell y'all Jimin is gonna wake up one day with JK's ring on his finger and he wouldn't know what hit him. Chilee. Lmho.

Listen, JK is in love LOVE with Jimin. It's my opinion and I'm gonna treat it as fact because I believe it- if you disagree keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear it. Lol.

That boy is in love with my bias. Ain't nobody gonna tell me nothing. Lol.

Seriously though, JK loves Jimin and he loves expressing those feelings for him. He goes overboard sometimes with it to the point it's borderline outing but we don't talk about that. Lol.

He's progressed through out the years from hiding his feelings for Jimin, whispering I love you's to JM when he thinks JM is alseep, slipping matching plasters onto his finger, all the way to Rosebowl.

If you ask me, he wants to be Jimin's equal in every sense of the word and as much as he loves to be at the recieving end of JM's affections, he enjoys being at the giving end.

And if JM has the cover of 'the boy in love with the Maknae' and it works perfectly for him not just as a persona but the perfect excuse for loving Jk then you gotta wonder what cover JK equally has for loving JM the way that he does. He has none. His every move is questioned by members, by staff, by fans- why do you film Jimin so much, why not put Tae in there for clicks, why are you constantly with Jimin and other invasive questions like that.

Jimin gets away with a lot of things than JK because of his personality and his persona. People would question the things JK does most of the time while dismissing the things Jimin does as either fanservice or as flowing from his personality. Whereas JK cannot get away with those same things.

We paint JK as Jeonlous and possessive but we forget most times he acts that way so Jimin doesn't have to. Jimin has said he doesn't share his friends and yet somehow we think he is ok with sharing his boyfriend with 5 other members or those 5 members with his boyfriend- this is code, let it sink in.

There is a lot of boundaries he instills there and it's equally an expression of possessiveness. Yet it's so subtle you might not even notice.

Jk makes Jimin look cool. He takes the fall so Jimin doesn't have to. When JK takes a step back that's when you see how whipped JM is- the neediness, the clinginess- PJMs give me a break. *rolling my eyes. It needs to be said. I love Jimin too but shit, it is what is. Lol.

I think it's gonna take a while for Jk to open back up to Jimin, to get in the space where he feels safe expressing himself with Jimin the way that he was doing before Jimin's birthday.

It doesn't mean he hates Jimin or doesn't love him or doesn't want him or doesn't care. But I think Jimin needs to step up to show he is on the same page as JK because JK is all about reciprocity. He ain't about to do the one sided unrequited nonsense. Lol.

Honestly all this is part of Jikook's dynamics. This not the first time Jk's closed himself off. The last time he did it was because they had gone through a nasty breakup- I said what I said. In my opinion nonetheless. Lol.

In the aftermath of it, he was expressing similar behavior. In Suga's Birthday Vlive this year for example, when Jimin was clinging to him and had his hands on his leg he didn't take the bait either- man was it frustrating to watch. Lol. But you could see JM wanted that physical connection with him. Did you see his smug face when Jimin was all over him?

I think he is just going through a phase where he needs reassurance of Jimin's love. Jimin is a big guy and he knows his man best and I think he knows exactly what he needs to do to get him to come around. Lol.

I mean he flew all the way from Paris to see him on his birthday didn't he?

I think we have to leave them to it. Just observe them. I hate commenting on a phase like this especially when it's on going. I'd rather talk about it after it's ended and a new phase has begun for them.

Part of supporting Jikook is knowing when to give them privacy and room to just unfold their story and be human. They are a living breathing love story after all.

Jk isn't being distant. He is just not interacting with JM the way we are used to seeing him do. But I feel that's part Bighit asking them to cool off and part him just wanting reassurance from Jimin.

At this point, I want to ask why you want people to acknowledge JK is closed off? To what end? I don't think anyone is denying that they are going through this phase- well the Kumbaya tradshippers are but why do you want me to acknowledge this fact? I already pointed out that there is something stressfing their dynamics.

They have their own personal stuff going on but I don't think it's much of an issue and at the same time they seem to be having issues with their company- You have to take all of that into consideration to see how that affects their dynamics as well.

You have to be aware of the timeline too. Because content is not released in chronological order, it may seem like a rollercoaster ride when in actual sense all of this may have happened with a specific time frame.

When it comes to Jikook always assume they are much closer than you think. Jikook is fine, I believe. Just take mental notes of these things for posterity. I wouldn't be worried about them.

As usual, this has been my opinion. Don't take it too seriously. Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for Dating Bucky Barnes

Bucky Barnes x reader

warnings:

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Headcanons for dating Bucky Barnes?”

you met bucky in 2014

at the smithsonian museum, actually

you stood beside him while reading the plaques of information

“so this is how it all started?”

*confused and disoriented bucky* “huh?”

“superheroes. well, ‘enhanced individuals,’ i guess. but each of the commandos were heroes on their own...”

that comment made bucky smile, he needed to hear that

you two wandered around the exhibit for a while, crossing paths a few more times

as you left, he opened the door for you and you got a peek of his face in brighter light, it looked familiar

“no way”

“i hope you’re not scared...”

“you don’t seem that threatening to me”

oddly enough, the two of you clicked

bucky was on the run, he told you at up front

but he stuck around for a few days, being so honest you would have thought he was on his death bed

his stories, at least the ones he remembered, they were upsetting to the both of you, but you could tell that wasnt him anymore

there wasn’t much for you in washington, anyways

so you ran with him, something he didn’t understand at first

“what do you see in me?”

“a man who deserves another chance”

you always knew how to cheer him up

even on the most challenging days

you and bucky travelled the world before finding a place bucky was comfortable living in

but your journey was a learning experience

bucky grew to trust you with every passing day

there were a handful of motel stays, some worse than others

“oh, god, there’s a rat in the shower!”

“i’ll handle it”

“‘handle it????????’”

you didn’t want to know anymore

you just hid underneath your pillow and waited to be able to shower

bucky was always the big spoon

he just wanted to keep you safe

that worried him the most

he thought he’d get you into some kind of mess

you cant count the amout of times he’d apologize and try to tell you that you shouldn’t be with him

and every time, you’d set your hands on his face, tracing his stubble with your thumbs and say:

“i chose to be with you, and i’m choosing to stay with you”

his metal arm was very intriguing to you

at first, you were worried he was sensitive about it, but one day he was shirtless on the bed and turned to you

“are you scared of me?”

“why would i be scared of you?”

“...does my arm make you uncomfortable?”

“uh, no. not at all...i just didn’t know if you would be upset about talking about it”

he just shook his head with his eyebrows raised high, guess it wasn’t off limits like you thought

you didn’t like the design, though

“i should paint over that star”

“go for it”

you also helped him clean it every once in a while

bucky runs his fingers through your hair and scratches you head with his real arm, you love it

and he loves how relaxed you get

in fact, you guys fell in love, it was an amazing feeling for both of you

you had to say it first

“i love you, bucky”

he picked you up and gave you a kiss afterwards

“god, i love you, too”

you’ve done his hair up a few times, it’s amusing

bucky gives you long kisses on the lips and tons of forehead/hand/shoulder kisses

and bucky’s not always serious, he’s has a sweet side that you bring out in him

he teases you a bit

he’s TALL and he plays keepaway like a big meanie

>:( “bUcKy!!!!”

“i’ll hand it over if you give me a kiss”

you guys moved to romania together in that cozy little apartment

and things were good for you guys

you guys worked, went to the market, every once in a while you had dates...you were really happy

he bought some cookbooks and surprised you with dinner after a long day at work

“i hope you like it, it was a nightmare to make”

“psssh, it smells great, i bet i’ll love it”

cuddling is his favorite

he needs affection

sm of it

but he doesn’t ask for it

*one exception, he pulls you onto his lap

you guys share a shitty, creaky mattress that drives you crazy

like sitting on it and it goes *squuuueaaak*

and, obviously, given the circumstances, bucky trained you in self defense. he wanted to make sure you could save yourself if he wasn’t there for you

the two of you led a simple little life for a while

until you walked into your apartment and saw the silhouette of a large man that was not your boyfriend

you dropped everything as he came out of the shadow

“i’m sorry to startle you, you must be bucky’s s/o. i’m steve rogers, bucky’s in trouble”

your heart was racing

you called bucky but he wouldn’t answer you

but he got home and found you packing each of your things

“there’s no time, y/n, we have to go”

you weren’t like them, you couldn’t fight armed soldiers or jump out of windows or run with cars

so one of captain america’s teammates picked you up, falcon

you all ended up getting apprehended anyways

you were questioned for a brief amount of time, but as soon as the power went out you were able to run

until you saw the winter soldier, that wasn’t bucky

steve made sure you kept away, he knew that if bucky hurt you he would never forgive himself

but again, sam got you out of there while steve got bucky

and once bucky snapped out of it, he remembered his entire past, you’d be learning about a whole new side after this

listen, bucky was terrified during this

if it was just him, he would have a clear mind and go on, but now you were all fugitives and he was mad that he dragged you into this

“please stop blaming yourself, bucky. you know that this is still my choice to stand by your side”

“i know, i just dont want to lose you”

“then stop trying to push me away, i need you and you need me”

steve pulled you aside when he got the chance to tell you:

“im glad he found you, thank you for staying by his side”

you sat in the back of the volkswagen with bucky, clutching onto his hand

“it’s gonna be okay, steve told me you can trust sharon”

yes, you had to stay with sharon during this, she was breaking a lot of rules

“so, did you know he was the winter soldier when you met him?”

“yeah, but he was a good man, too. i focused on that”

“that’s good, that’s really good”

after the “civil war,” you were granted a safe haven in wakanda with bucky, so you and bucky moved there

it was a lot more peaceful than the past few years

bucky told you all about his childhood up until his “death”

he had gotten apart of himself back, it was another part of him to fall in love with

you got to dance with him to some of his favorite songs, it made you feel wonderful

and you got some more training time in wakanda, you never knew when you’d need to kick some ass

and then the day came when the two of you had to fight for your lives and HOLY shit he was losing his mind but he couldn’t stop you from fighting in this one

“y/n, are you sure you want to do this?”

“absolutely. i love you, you big lug. don’t forget it”

“i love you, too. i’ll be out there if you need me”

cap kept an eye on you

but you saved a few people’s asses

before you looked into the eyes of thanos

when he snapped, you watched bucky fade away

and you fell to your knees

and cried, for days you cried

steve and you were heartbroken, it had been 4 years with bucky, now you were alone

you were determined to get him back

but it seemed like there was no chance

so you gave up, stayed at the avengers compound instead, trained like hell with black widow and anyone else who’d have you

five years went by and you were a badass

and you got the second chance you needed, the avengers reunited

“y/n, are you up for this?”

“i’d do anything to get him back”

and after hard work and tragedy, you brought him back

you all did

you were reunited with him and he was surprised to see you kicking ass on the battlefield

“y/n? is that you?”

“bucky! oh, my god. i’ve been waiting five years for this”

he gave you a huge hug and studied your hardened face, there was much to catch up on

“i’m sorry i wasn’t there”

“it wasn’t your fault”

you and your boyfriend kicked alien ass for all you had left, this was your last chance to make it right, all or nothing

you were relieved once it was all over

you actually watched the sunset with bucky while you patched up your wounds

“i’m glad you’re okay, y/n. i don’t know what i’d do without you”

“bucky...i was lost without you these past few years...i just can’t believe i’m here with you again”

“well, i’m not going anywhere anytime soon”

he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and the two of you took in your gift of a well-deserved peaceful moment

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartlisbeth // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl

[kotalefanzu]

Pitch Pearl  ATUS AU- Part 3

ahahaha. i finally came back to wite the finale. WOOOO. im still sorry about waiting so long oof.

where we last left off, danny had a dream about phantom, in which he tells him about the creation of the natural portals. he leaves danny, saying that he’ll come running back soon enough. when he wakes up, jazz tells him that sam and tucker have gone missing.

danny takes a second to process that information along with the dream and his brain just shuts down. he goes on autopilot, acting like he didn’t hear a word she just said. jazz tries to snap him out of it to get some sort of reaction but when she actually looks him in the eyes, filled with exhaustion, fear, and helplessness, she realizes that he doesn’t need any more things to worry about and goes to tell their parents not to bother him. 

when she leaves, he blankly goes through the motions as he normally would. just like before this all happened. he checks his phone with slight hope that they may have tried to contact him, but after realizing he spent ten minutes just staring at it, he puts it away and doesn’t check it again. the walk to school is nothing but a stream of consciousness and he doesn’t even really feel awake anymore. everyone is just a blur while his brain refuses to process anything around him. 

he gets to class, looks at his friends’ desks, and notices two cleanly carved DP symbols on them. it makes him start giggling a little, then laughing loudly, before he sinks to the ground crying out of frustration and overload.

a town meeting is called in the middle of school. the missing children line up with the new influx of ghost sightings and they want to check to see if any more kids have gone missing. someone points out the danny got taken last and the two missing children were his friends. others bring up the lunchroom incident and start pestering him with questions, seeking answers. danny waits for his family to quiet everything down before explaining everything from his first day in captivity all the way to last night’s dream. many people want to push the blame onto danny for painting a target on their heads and force him to deal with it on his own while others want to use danny as a bargaining tool to save their lives.

the fentons reject every suggestion and say that the most important thing here to do if to protect the children and find a way to defeat the ghosts now that blocking their way into the human realm is no longer an option. they explain that giving danny up might be a trap if phantom was able to kidnap sam and tucker but didn’t head straight for danny. he is told to safe and not try anything.

the GIW are called in to work on locating one of the portals and storming the ghost zone to rescue the missing children. danny is desperate to help and spends most of his time reliving unwanted memories just to give any form of information that might be helpful. after a while they send him away to try getting back to normal life as he needs a form of distraction. 

at lunch, he is cornered by the other teens who ask if he is really just going to sit there and do nothing. danny is hesitant to lead more children into the ghost zone where they could be hurt, but they are determined and at this point, he is willing to risk it. after stealing a bunch of weapons from his parent's old weaponry vault, he finds a natural portal and opens it. they get sucked into it and arrive in the courtyards of phantom’s keep.

the ectoplasm flooding his system is mildly overwhelming but he pushes through it and begins guiding everyone to the dungeons where they would probably be kept. he notices while navigating that strangely everything is the same as it ws before he left, from to the decor to the guard rotations. when they reach the dungeons, sam and tucker aren’t there. it confuses him. he tries to think about where else phantom could have put them and a small voice whispers, ‘check your old wing’. its actually easier to sneak back to his old wing due to all the times he has snuck in and out of it. while the rest of the group aren’t so used to the routes, following him makes it a lot easier. waiting in the common room of the wing are sam and tucker, posed like lifeless dolls and dressed in clothing uncomfortably similar to what danny once wore, though less extravagant. their skin is pale and lifeless and their eyes are glowing

perched on their heads are silvery circlets. danny motions for the rest of the group to stand behind him. sam and tucker slowly turn to look at them and another battle breaks out.

its obvious from how they are fighting that while they wont strike to kill danny, they dont care about sparing the rest. the group slowly works out a system of one half distracting sam while the other go to hold down tucker and remove the circlet. as soon as it comes off, the glow from his eyes fades and he stills like they pushed his power button. with one less person constantly firing at them, its a lot easier to do the same for sam as she can’t fight them all off. dash and kwan take up carrying the limp, unconscious people and they make off with their battle spoils to the portal. 

danny reopens the portal and makes sure everyone gets through, doing a headcount. when he is sure everyone is accounted for and out of the ghost zone. he thanks them and seals it, locking them in the human realm with him on the other side.  

it takes a while for the group to finally tell someone what happened and they start fearing how to explain to the two dead to the world people who still haven’t woken up yet. they finally fess up when jazz drives by and asks where danny is. they silently just show her sam and tucker and watch the emotions flicker rapidly on he face. in the end she settles on heartache and gives a weak smile, telling them that she’s glad they are back but wishes they could have brought her brother back as well. she is more forgiving when they explain that it was his decision and they didnt have time to stop him before it was too late.

back in the ghost zone, danny stares blankly at the sealed portal, wondering if he should just step through now before its too late. just as he reaches out his hand, he gets pulled in a tight embrace as phantom laughs in his ear. 

“What did I tell you, Starlight. You would come running back into my arms soon enough. Let’s go back home. You’ll find I didn’t change anything when you left. We can go right back to how it used to be before. Like you never ran away from me.”

he stays huddled up in his room for most of the time, only coming out when phantom wants him to accompany him on an errand or when he has to attend meetings with phantom. the faces are familiar. he made a few friends during his captivity and while the circumstances are grim, its pleasant to see them again. 

for starters, clockwork was a common face when danny began getting incredibly homesick. phantom had requested danny be allowed to view the present of his ‘loved ones’ lives and he had spent every moment he could watching them throughout the day and making sure they were fine. clockwork also had hilariously awful puns, though they werent allowed to actually say them anymore after phantom got jealous and forbade them from speaking to danny. danny still carried the one-sided conversations and it seemed to cheer clockwork up from the decree. princess dora, now queen dora, was also a good friend of his, often discussing with him the pain of living with overbearing nobility. she had done a double-take when he approached her and sat him down to calmly ask what happened, though he could see the tension laced through her. after recounting she took a long sip of her tea and looked him in the eyes. she told a seemly random story of her exploring her kingdom and hearing a bard singing about how the mighty dragon princess stole the dragon king’s crown and the mighty dragon queen took her dear brother down. the piercing look in her eyes before she moved to a new topic told him more than enough.

the few moments of reprieve they offered was not enough to outdo the lappet treatment of phantom that allowed for no rejection, but it was something and it was all he could ask for.

sam and tucker wake up finally after being in a coma for two days. after scanning the room filled with their classmates, parents, and the fenton family, they quickly realize the only one not there that should be is danny. sam is the first one to speak, immediately yelling at them for trading them for danny and going off about how they need to go back for him as soon as possible. dash defends them by telling her that its not their fault danny closed the portal before any one of them could drag his skinny self sacrificing ass through it. they cant reopen it without him.

sam quiets down after that and tucker takes out asking all the questions he can think of to find a way to fix this. there has to be a way to reopen the portal.

(a cut back scene to danny interacting with phantom. im not good with writing abuse mixed with love very well so go ahead and use your imaginations okay uwu)

sam and tucker also end up secluding themselves and working nonstop on trying to figure out how to save danny. jazz stops by every day to check on them and pass on homework and anything she hears about the ghosts to them. while they start cleaning up the room to take a break and finish schoolwork, sam trips on a piece of paper and is about to fall. only she is caught in mid-air and surrounded by a neon lime green aura, one similar to danny’s though his is a bluish mint. the aura dissipates and she hits the ground with a soft thud but everything stops as tucker and her look at each other in shock. 

“That was you!”

“That was me!”

homework gets pushed aside again for experimentation and documenting. they might be able to reopen the portal after all.

[muwur]

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions 

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side 

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest 😴 will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him  

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about 

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects 

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

[shhh-no-ones-home]

married with children ryan sitkowski x reader

+++++++++

title: they get married, ryan acts like a child when drunk lol

beginning is super cute and sweet but per usual things go awry pretty quickly lmfao

Song: with or without you by U2

@musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @theoneandonlykymberlee @cynic-spirit @thisplace-ishaunted @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @bleed-to-make-amends

+++++++++

he had never even thought about marriage. when this all started he wanted nothing to do with it. we both knew we were in for the long haul but he didnt care about tying the knot and he told me that, right from square one. i went back to that moment over and over again throughout our entire relationship, never once doubting him or questioning it. it wasnt for everyone after all. i went over it in my mind again and again when he actually proposed to me. i was so happy i cried as soon as he started talking, telling me how much he loved me and how much i meant to him as he got down on one knee. and now im going over it again as im standing in front of a tall mirror, my best friend helping me put my veil into my hair. i stared at myself and my red puffy eyes from crying with my mother earlier as i got my dress on.

half of me wondered if he had cried yet today too, it was an emotional event after all. i guess id just have to find out later. i heard a knock at the door, turning my attention to it as my mother half opened the door. she sighed in relief before opening it fully and letting my dad in. my friend helped me off the pedestal and put my veil down, handing me my bouquet as my father took my arm in his.

"you look absolutely beautiful."

he said, making me smile as we walked out of the room.

"thanks daddy."

i said as i watched the wedding party descend down the stairs. we had chosen to have a small wedding party, a maid of honor and a best man only, with a flower girl and a ring bearer. we didnt want anything crazy and only invited close friends and family. the reception would be bigger however, more of a gathering than the actual ceremony. i breathed deeply as i heard the wedding bells ring through the church, oh what it took to actually get him to do this in a church. i clutched onto my fathers arm as we began the long walk to the alter. all eyes were on me and i felt uncomfortable at first but as soon as i looked at him i couldnt stop and their gazes didnt matter anymore.

i was smiling like an idiot as a tear slid down my cheek, he looked so happy standing between the priest and aj. as we got close to the alter the butterflies slowly ebbed. i was marrying my best friend, i had nothing to worry about anymore. i could see him more clearly now as aj nudged his arm and handed him a handkerchief. he was crying too, which made me laugh a little bit. he stepped down as my father offered my hand to him which he gladly took.

"take care of her."

he whispered and ryan nodded, taking me to the alter and facing the priest. I couldn't help but smile, only hearing half the words he said as I tried to sneak quick glances over at Ryan before we could face each other. He looked so handsome in his suit, the rose pinned to his lapel a nice shade of lavender. This almost felt like a dream.

°°°°°°°°°

As the music played I held onto Ryan for dear life. It was the first dance after all and I felt so uncomfortable being the only couple on the dance floor as we swayed back and forth. the alcohol we had been consuming so far didnt really help, despite my hope that it would. He still had that wide smile plastered across his face though.

"I don't know if I told you this already but you look beautiful today."

He said, making me smile back at him. Then I saw a flash, noticing the photographer.

"You're not so bad yourself Mr Sitkowski."

I felt his thumb rub gently into my side.

"Thank you, Mrs Sitkowski."

he quipped back. I couldn't help the blush creeping its way up my neck and to my face.

"I'm so glad we finally decided to do this ry."

I said, looking at him longingly. I watched as he scanned my face.

"So am I. I know I said a thousand years ago that I wouldn't ever do this but I'm beyond proud to call you my wife now."

i smiled widely at him as we swayed back and forth in a small circle, the music playing in the background.

"im not gonna lie, i was shocked but i think this is the best thing ive ever done. you really are my best friend."

he leaned in and pressed his forehead to mine as the music slowed and people clapped.

"im so glad i get to spend the rest of my life with you."

°°°°°°°°°

i sat down into the bench with a loud sigh, looking over to ryan who had just done the same. my dress was flowing over onto his lap but he didnt push it away. i looked over to him and smiled.

"we made it."

i said through a laugh, him sending me a wide smile back.

"the wedding and reception are over with, now all we have to do is make it official."

he said boldly, raising his brows and leaning closer to me. i shook my head amused and pushed him away.

"i think it can wait for the honeymoon tomorrow, you are pretty plastered after all."

he pouted at me, his arms making their way around my waist loosely.

"can i at least get a kiss?"

he said with pleading eyes. i rolled my eyes but caved immediately.

"fine, but dont get any ideas big boy."

i said, pecking him quickly on the lips. he tasted like a mixture of alcohols but the most noticeable was the red wine.

"is everything taken care of?"

he asked, staring at me. i looked up to our relatives walking around the venue packing things up and nodded.

"it is being taken care of as we speak ry."

i said and he nodded, readjusting his grip on my body and resting his head against my shoulder.

"thats good."

he said through a sigh. i looked down at him as he watched everyone. then my brother came into view, the box with the punch bowl in it tucked under his arm.

"the car is almost ready if you two wanna go now."

i nodded, tapping ryans arm.

"you ready ry?"

i asked and he sat up, looking at me confused.

"ready for what?"

i laughed a little bit.

"to go, baby, its time to leave."

he smiled at me and nodded.

"oh, then yeah."

he stood up quickly, pulling me with him. i held his hand tightly so he wouldn't wander off as we followed my brother outside the venue.

"are we going home?"

he asked, looking around before patting his pants with his free hand.

"baby we cant, my keys are gone."

i kept pulling him forward.

"my brother has your keys, hes the one taking us home and the one taking us to the airport tomorrow."

he made an 'o' shape with his mouth as we made it to the car. my brother opened the backseat door and ryan climbed in head first, laying down and tucking his legs in. i shook my head in amusement as peter closed the door.

"thanks again for doing this. it really does mean a lot."

i said as he opened the hatch to put the bowl in the already packed car.

"oh, yeah, i wouldnt pass up an opportunity like this one."

he said through a laugh and i shook my head, smiling at him.

"hes not usually this much of a handful but if i were given one day to party like the end of the world id take it too."

he sent me a knowing look.

"you couldve, if i remember correctly that champagne made its way to you a few times."

i scoffed at him as he opened the passenger door for me.

"who wants to get drunk off champagne? either way, one of us has to be the responsible one. ill just have him make it up to me by carrying my drunk ass home some time during our honeymoon."

i said with a wink. he shook his head at me before closing the door.

"i can hear you ya know."

ryan said from the back, making me jump.

"jesus ry!"

i said, clutching my chest. he sent me a lazy smile as he sat up, placing his head on the shoulder of the seat.

"i just want you to know that i will gladly carry your ass anywhere."

i laughed a little to myself before turning and pecking him gently on the lips.

"thanks ry, that means a lot."

he nodded once, proudly, to himself before falling back into the seat.

"i love you after all. what kind of husband would i be if i didnt."

i looked at him in the rearview mirror, a lazy smile plastered on his face as he toyed with his wedding ring happily. in that moment i knew, he really did mean it. it was enough to make me melt inside, and i wouldve cried had pete not been in the process of getting in the car. i turned back to him, him looking at me with the proudest look on his face.

"i love you too ry,"

i reached back and patted his knee gently.

"now lets go home."

[chainsawing]

I feel like you think since you're not gonna talk about it anymore I won't have something to say. Which? I never cared about your response, I just wanted to make you aware of what vibes you were giving off. Which was misinformed, but have now switched to, entitled and childish. Honestly, have a good night. I wasn't trying to start something this dramatic, just make you see how fucked up it is to blame blindly making it harder for people who have been actually targeted be taken seriously

i dont really care to have the most clear or concise answers at the moment because i am literally just some guy and you came to me, without warning and on anonymous. maybe i am wrong about the grooming allegations (however people HAVE come forward, the op of the callout post [i hate that word. god] was someone apparently close to them during all of this, and minors have said how uncomfortable they made them feel!) and if i am wrong i do sincerely apologize and i will fully back down on that regard. however, that doesnt erase the allegations of being emotionally manipulative—which is a whole different field than grooming im well aware—and i still dont want someone like that around me or my general circle. im not "blaming blindly"; there was proof in the original post and things have come out in the month (??) since and i just made the post talking about c/ambo/yfrank because people that had direct interaction with them felt too uncomfortable to. once again, ive had direct experience with the rampant grooming that IS present in spaces like this, and im glad people have been super vigilant about it recently. goodnight

[handcat]

NOPE. Book Tag

Source: here

thank you @sunel0 <3

Questions:

1. NOPE. Ending: A book ending that made you go NOPE either in denial, rage, or simply because the ending was crappy.

everything, everything, it has been years since i read that but that twist/ending was bullshit, i have never felt more rage in my life, fuck that book, fuck, i dont remember all of the details of it but in general it felt like shit, it just brushed away all of the stakes and demonized people with mental illnesses and generally felt like garbage, god i am pissed

2. NOPE. Protagonist: A main character you dislike and drives you crazy.

main guy of giovannis room i forget his name because im dumb, first of all, i love that book, i really do, im not saying i dont like it i just want to make that clear dfasafds, but i would kick main guys ass any day of the week <3

3. NOPE. Series: A series that turned out to be one huge pile of NOPE. after you’ve invested all of that time and energy on it, or a series you gave up on because it wasn’t worth it anymore.

this was awhile ago lol but the maze runner books, i loved the first one and then i got part way into the second and realized i hated where the story was going and stopped reading, that was in like middle school and i do not remember what i didnt like but i was pissed

4. NOPE. Popular pairing: A “ship” you don’t support.

idk, i cant really think of a specific one offhand, aside from like obviously gross ones but yeah idk, best i can think of is in trc when ppl ship kavinsky with people, or really like any dream pack stuff, but to each their own, i just dont vibe with all that lol

5. NOPE. Plot twist: A plot twist you didn’t see coming or didn’t like.

can i say everything, everything again? it really pissed me off, i still remember the pure rage i felt reading that 

6. NOPE. Protagonist action/decision: A character decision that made you shake your head NOPE.

every decision made by zebulon in the death and life of zebulon finch, i love those books but he is stupid as fuck <3

7. NOPE. Genre: A genre you will never read.

okay i have read high fantasy before but generally i just don't vibe with it, idk its hard to get invested for me :/

8. NOPE. Book format: Book formatting you hate and avoid buying until it comes out in a different edition.

not super applicable but i CAN’T read ebooks, my brain just does not comprehend, similar thing with audiobooks, i only listen to audiobooks of things ive already read bc i space out a lot and miss chunks lol

9. NOPE. Trope: A trope that makes you go NOPE.

stories that are like super futuristic technology stuff with like tech genius characters??? is that a trope??? does that make sense??? anyway i hate that, i dont think ive read many books like that so ill use the mcu as an example :) it just feels like theres no stakes because everything can be solved by just inventing a new machine! also most uses of time travel, i forgot that one (exceptions would be like bill and ted or paper girls but they are rare)

10. NOPE. Recommendation: A book recommendation that is constantly hyped and pushed at you that you simply refuse to read.

i haven't seen it much recently, but captive prince, just the whole premise and shit that ive heard about it makes me very uncomfortable

11. NOPE. Cliche/pet peeve: A cliche or writing pet peeve that always makes you roll your eyes.

too many pop culture references and shit like that, i feel like i dont see it a lot in stuff i read, but like an example is more recent rr stuff, like it just rarely works and takes me out of the story and i just do not like it

12. NOPE. Love interest: The love interest that’s not worthy of being one. A character you don’t think should have been a viable love interest.

i couldnt think of one soooooo colin greenmantle! he’s a weak bitch who didn’t deserve piper and im glad she killed him!

13. NOPE. Book: A book that shouldn’t have existed that made you say NOPE.

all for the game... its bad

14. NOPE. Villain: A scary villain/antagonist you would hate to cross and would make you run in the opposite direction.

dr leather from zebulon finch!!!!!! why was he like that???? hweee.... fweee..... bitch ill kill you!!!! he was my first thought, idk if hes the scariest but he was fucked up!!! meat etiquette???? people garden????

15. NOPE. Death: A character death that still haunts you.

noah czerny, i do not see it <3

16. NOPE. Author: An author you had a bad experience reading for and have decided to quit.

cassandra claire, i started the mortal instruments in middle school but tbh with just everything ive heard about her and the content of her books... no

okay! now tagging people! i said i wouldnt tag more people but im actually curious so im going to! as usual no pressure! @audikatia @darkadam @pynches @gaynanlynch @adamparrishthot @czernydefencesquad uhhhh and anyone else who wants to! yeehaw!

[bileshroom]

how do you feel about the new sally face chapter?

Im glad you asked! under a read more for spoilers for chapter 5

Myself and Fox are giving our opinions in this post so it will be very long

There were things i really liked and things i really didnt like

for example, the swapping dimensions and the changing art styles were very neat! i liked some more than others, like the rubber hose style for sal could of been a bit different in my opinion, @shinysnek did an edit/drawing and tweeked the tiniest thing and made the design alot more palatable 

and the minigames were… really repetitive and sometimes very confusing ? esp todds door, the plus’s were almost impossible to notice! slightly darker grey against light grey just makes it look like part of the door :/ and the 3d bits were a bit hard to control during the later part of the game

and the writing,, it felt super rushed as if he just wanted to saddle alot of the damage onto native americans??? that completely came out of the blue, like he couldnt come up with some sort of cop out for why the cult is doing what they do

and still with the weird queer baiting with larry? like he made them brothers but is still pushing it, if steve wanted sal’s love interest to be ash why not have moments like ‘that’ with her instead?? it feels very uncomfortable in my opinion especially with him saying he was still,,comfortable with the ship which REALLY rubs me the wrong way

and the ending,,, dont even,, TALK to me about the ending, it honestly made me so upset?? like, and the epilogue to go with it,,, like okay cool the worlds still fucked over and todds still corrupt and larrys just gone??? for no real reason???????? hes just gone :| okay 

gnome larry was funny tho, didnt really explain why Larry got super old while megan stayed a 7 year old, i suppose you can explain it with like when ghosts arent bound to a place they can wither and age? i dunno whatever chapter 5 sucked and it felt like steve just didnt want to do it anymore

—

my turn! alright im going to be typing my opinion from a fellow writer and programmer’s POV.

the beginning of the game kinda drops you in which was a little surprising, considering the other chapters were very rich with exposition which is one of the things i loved about SF. 

It had this way of bringing you in even though you didnt know what the heck was going on. It made you want to learn more and it felt like you were THERE with sal. 

But this opening with just… ash tossed in fell a little… flat. yeah… graveyard… lets toss in some epitaphs as a reminder of who died, ok… cool. 

next lets talk a little about the general story. im not going to lie, this felt like a TOTALLY different game to me and I played them all in succession again to remind myself of the other chapters. 

It was so… plain. It didnt have the eerie-ness of the bologna incident, it didnt have the intriguing mystery of the first chapter where it started you off in the hospital as a little boy with your face hidden, it didnt have that heart wrenching storyline of the 4th chapter.

it was just…. “i need to end this game quick”. 

there was just a unique feeling to the other chapters, something that made you feel gritty and floaty, like you were a dirty teenager hunting for ghosts.

Saddling the natives on the unexplained reason as well… BIG YIKES, steve. the silent hill movies pulled this crap too, and we can all see how flat that fell in comparison to the actual silent hill 3 game. 

There are so so many things you could do instead of that tired (and lets face it) racist stereotype. 

I thought it was going to have a deeper meaning, like… people have had cults for decades that didnt have to do with the natives. hell, he could have even kept with the weird alien theme he was going for. calling an ancient alien creature? that would be pretty badass.

The ending… fell disappointingly flat. ok… everyones dead? so you tortured sal and his pals for literally no reason? granted i didnt press the c4 button so im not sure how that path goes, but i doubt its any more satisfying. 

not to mention the constant queerbaiting that, at this point, makes me so uncomfortable.

yes we get it, steve. you think adopted brothers can fuck, and yeah, theres nothing TECHNICALLY wrong with it (and im using technically by definition, its still wrong in my eyes), but come on. can any of you tell me that wouldnt make you intensely uncomfortable? Its not ok what he did imo and i know its his characters, but steve? either dont make them brothers or stop fucking pushing their romantic interactions.

oh and lets talk about the only other canonly gay couple with any screen time! he killed the black one.

yep… just… let that sink in for a second. did he need to? absolutely not. at least not in such a pointless way.

didnt even give neil any character development tbh, just… token black gay man that needed to be there to be the motivator to search for todd. ok thanks, steve.

and travis (another not white character. no do not argue that hes “blonde”, sal has fucking blue hair and i WILL color pick travis if i have to). he was the other gay character who… yep, lemme look at my notes… died.

he didnt even get much of a redemption tbh, yeah he was secretly helping them, but… wow. toss him in the hole! we dont want to write gays!!! (unless we’re taunting people to get them to play under the guise of “lgbt representation”)

also larrys a gnome and is just… gone forever. just say you hate larry, steve. you didnt have to do him so dirty man.

now then, lets talk about the gameplay.

i was playing with an xbox controller so im going to be from that POV.

the controls were… ok for the most part. the 3d part was a bit hard to see and i got stuck trying to walk past the trees a lot. 

to be honest, the 3d is my only complaint with controls. the mini game later on where youre 3d and shooting tentacles was very hard to control, half the time it wouldnt move fast enough and the other half it would zip past the diagonals. i DID beat it, but i am a very good gamer. to other people who might not play games constantly, might have a bit more trouble and get frustrated.

the puzzles were bland and repetitive. im a horror puzzle game writer and i would NEVER do something this blasphemous in a horror style game. it removes you from the game to think “wow…. THIS puzzle AGAIN?”. it makes you feel like its insulting your intelligence, like “oh here you go you fucking baby, move the shape to match the other shape”

and one of the only other puzzles was that fucking door number puzzle. he made the pluses almost impossible to see for starts, and i KNOW other people had trouble with this. Wanna know how to fix this? make the pluses easier to see and make it so the input pad can only except the number of numbers that the code it. dont make me sit there like a jackass, typing in every conceivable way to order the numbers given.

all in all though, the gameplay was plain, the storyline was bland, the puzzles were mediocre and the only reason to play the chapter is to close up the story and to find out what happened to sal and his mom (which tbh was the only good part because i was actually surprised and excited that it was that that injured him)

i hope in steves next projects he actually figures out how to write an ending and doesnt rush it (and please keep in mind this was rushed even though he had multiple people helping him)

-fox

[thingstotellthem]

fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!! and you go and say that im pathetic??? i feel like you always downplayed my emotions, like you thought i was being dramatic. i was not. it really hurts to live like this, i didnt choose to have a mood disorder, you dickhead. youre a weirdo. maybr you were just jealous because even tho i dont rlly do anything special ppl still love me and wanna be my friend. and you know why? because im kind. because i love to help people, to make them laugh and feel comfortable. i feel like you lacked that. you were always weird af. in school you went to different groups of friends, you never had a place where you actually belonged. when i was w my friends you used to just sit w us and start talking, making my friends a uncomfortable bc they didnt know you too well, since you talked to me most of the time. your jokes were always weird...like rlly weird. to th3 point that ppl would laugh to avoid being uncomfortable. i dont understand how u didnt notice. it wae very obvious. anyways, i feel like i talked to you out of pity, sometimes. i just didnt want u to feel bad or sad. you seemed lonely. so i just wanted to keep you company and let you vent your problems. but. it started to be annoying when you ask me about my problems. not bc i struggle w talkin about them, but because your responses were always weird. that was the thing that bothered me the most. your opinion never helped me at all, some times you said nic3 things, but sometimes it felt like u downplayed my emotions, like u thought i was just an angsty teenager. u said that i shouldn't self diagnose and shit like that when im in therapy, with medication and with a diagnosis. and i told u that before so idk why u said that? for what reason? u thought i was lying or some shit? youre ridiculous. go out and learn how to interact with people. you need to learn empathy. you need to have friends that actually care about you. and also you need therapy, like rlly. im not joking. you overanalyze and overthink everything to the point that it makes me want to punch you. like rlly. you need to shut up. life doesnt have to be that way. sometimes, you have to learn to appreciate the little things, like flowers, birds, clouds. seeing those things fills you up. it helps you. youre too negative, to the point that it feels toxic. lik3, sometimes when i talked to you i felt bad, the things you said to me didnt help me at all, they made me feel sad and ashamed for feeling depressed. it felt like you were poisoning me with your toxic thoughts. im glad i stopped talking to you. you wer3 being annoying. it feels like a weight was being taken away from my shoulders. it feels good. even tho i still want to punch you for being a dickhead. you wasted my time, dumbass. now im going to pretend like u never existed in the first place. i hope your wifi doesn't work anymore, stop watching anime and go get some friends, if you keep acting this way you are going to end up alone. dont be toxic. please. now, fuck off

[serenhyunjinity]

mental patient! hyunjin

“one side of me wants to love you but the other wants to see your blood spill from every inch of your body”

word count: 2000+

‘Hwang Hyunjin, aged 19, suffers from a rare form of split personality disorder and needs to be watched at all times, be prepared for a sudden personality swap’. Reading those words written on the document that was handed to y/n only a few days before, nervousness seeped through her veins. Honestly she was just glad she wasn’t having a forty year old psychopath and instead had someone around her age. After all, she had only just made it into the career she had dreamed of since she was young.

“Are you ready?” the older nurse asked, yet her face looked unsure, he couldn't be that bad right? I mean they wouldn't assign a new nurse to an extremely dangerous patient. Nodding, this was the call to open the metal door which led into the extremely white room which had a single bed placed in the centre, although it was within seconds in which she spotted the tall male slumped against the wall.

The metal door clanked behind her as she entered with caution towards the patient who still had not acknowledged her presence. His head was low as his face had a deep look of lack of comfort. Then again who wouldn’t feel uncomfortable in an isolated room like this? “You must be my new nurse” the boy suddenly spoke, making y/n jump in shock, so he had noticed her walk in.

“Yeah, im y/n” she replied softly, trying not to sound intimidating to the boy who already looked distraught as it was. With her reply, the black haired patient glanced up, making eye contact with the nurse, sending shivers down her spine. Although she definitely was not expecting a bright smile to form on her patients lips, watching as he jumped up from his spot and stood politely in front of her. “How are you feeling today Hyunjin?”

The black haired boy contemplated to himself before once again facing the nurse “Im fine at the moment, but that's only because my nurse is pretty and not an old hag like the others” his smile was small but he chuckled lowly. She really wasn't prepared for a flirtatious patient but it was better than one who wanted nothing more than to have her dead right then and there. Motioning him to sit on the bed which was close by, he did as he was told as y/n calmly sat in her spot, but then that's when the nerves began to kick in.

“Are you nervous? Don’t be, i'm in a good mood right now” he smiled once again, okay it will go fine y/n, just calm. Gripping the clipboard, y/n took the pen from her pocket and let out a deep sigh, time to begin her first ever assessment.

“Do you have any triggers that cause your sudden personality changes?” first question and it's already cutting straight to the point. The boy sat in front of her sighed and looked around, gathering his thoughts. “Not really, it just happens, but it can happen if i get too angry” noted.

“When did your other personality begin to affect your life?” that's when Hyunjin went silent, a sad look covering his face, which had previously had a bright smile adorned on it. He looked nervous, so without a single thought, y/n reached over and grabbed his shaking hand.

“When I saw my father beating my mother, that's when I first noticed it, i just got so angry that i couldn't think of anything else except seeing him dead. He inflicted pain on me after that day, until I couldn't handle it anymore”. His words began to get shaky as they escaped his trembling lips, but with a squeeze of his hand reassuring him that it was fine to keep talking, he proceeded to do just that. “I hit him with a glass bottle and ran, fuck i dont even know if he is even alive”. Abusive father, troubled childhood.

After a few more questions, hyunjin was done with his check up. The boy gazed at the nurse who had now moved from her seat and skimmed over the notes she had scribbled down as hyunjin opened up about his illness. “Thank you for today hyunjin, ill be back tomorrow” and with that, she exited the room, hyunjin’s eyes scanning her, if only he wasnt in this stupid hospital.

-

Two weeks had passed by in the blink of an eye and y/n still had only witnessed hyunjin’s positive and bright personality. It wasn't as if she was complaining, the nurses told her that when his second personality came out, it was best to leave as soon as possible, although this was understandable from the stories that her patient had told her about throughout the course of their many sessions.

It was now time for her fourteenth session with hyunjin and as he had been a relatively well mannered and responsible patient, he was granted access to the outside world for six hours, of course whilst being supervised by his nurse, y/n. The nurses were dumbfounded when they found out that Hwang Hyunjin was doing so much better than he was a month previously, yet little did they know y/n was the reason for this. Hyunjin knew it was almost forbidden to feel this way towards a nurse, but he couldn't help the butterflies from fluttering in his stomach just by the thoughts of her.

“Hyunjin I have some news for you” hyunjin’s heart picked up its pace as soon as the girl’s voice filled his plain white room, although it certainly wasn't plain whenever she was there with him. “We’re leaving this place for a couple of hours” Hyunjin’s eyes grew wide, he was allowed out of this place? After being trapped in the mental hospital for almost three years, he could breathe fresh air.

So with this news, y/n handed him the pieces of clothing which were given to her by another nurse. I mean he couldn't just go out into the public eye in his patient uniform, it would certainly put unwanted attention onto him, and in most cases that really would not be good for him. Leaving the room, y/n waited patiently, undoubtedly she felt proud of herself for getting hyunjin to the point where he was trusted to leave the prison-like building and experience being a young adult for at least a couple of hours.

-

Stepping out of y/n’s car, the pair set foot on the grounds of an amusement park which was only fifteen minutes away from the hospital. Hyunjin had never been to an amusement park, so with the view of rollercoasters and the sweet aroma of candy filling the air, butterflies filled his stomach as y/n grabbed ahold of his hand, causing a slight blush to form on the taller male’s cheeks.

“Is there anything you want to do here?” the nurse looked at Hyunjin, who’s eyes had not left her ever since they had entered the amusement park. Her eyes met his own pair, which immediately tore away from hers and looked around at the crowded park. Each ride had a long line of people of all ages and genders waiting to go on a spin on the short, adrenaline filled rides.

“As long as you’re by my side, I'll go on anything” y/n chuckled at his comment as they began to shuffle over to the rollercoaster which was a minute or two away from the entrance. “Why are you laughing?” he questioned, a large smile plastered onto his lips as he gazed at the girl beside him whose smile brought him the most happiness he had ever felt in all the years he had been alive.

“You’re cheesy” her smile never left her face as the pair conversed as if they were lifelong friends, and not nurse and patient.

-

Three hours had passed by within a blink of an eye. Hyunjin and y/n strolled across the high streets, the aroma of freshly baked bread filled the area as they had left the nearby bakery after purchasing a couple of pastries. Hyunjin never felt so happy ever, his other personality hadn't even made an appearance for a couple of days now and honestly, even he was surprised.

“Fuck” Hyunjin snapped his head towards y/n who was searching inside of her bag in frustration. A deep sigh left her lips as she turned towards Hyunjin who was watching in curiosity. “Can we quickly go to my apartment? I think I left one of my files on my desk” without any hesitation, the black haired boy nodded.

The way back to her apartment wasn't too long, as y/n lived relatively close to where they were previously. Entering her apartment, Hyunjin scanned the area, taking in every small detail of it. In his line of vision, he could make out a picture of y/n with who he assumed were her parents and siblings, or they could be friends, he couldn't assume.

“You can sit down” he came back to his senses after hearing the girls voice signalling for him to sit on the black couch which was placed in front of a television, which looked like it hadn't been turned on for weeks. He shifted his vision towards the nurse who was stuffing her files into her bag and moving to take a seat beside hyunjin.

Silence filled the room as the two sat, staring at anything but each other, although it was rather a comfortable silence and not uncomfortable in the slightest, well at least to Hyunjin. That was until y/n sighed softly, Hyunjin’s eyes landed on her face, his heartbeat picking up its pace just by staring at her features closely.

“Did they tell you?” her question made Hyunjin confused, tell him what? He shook his head lightly and the girl looked down, and he could swear he saw her lips turn into a frown. “They said I was done with you, im being moved to another patient, this is our last time together” she was still looking down, playing with her fingers nervously.

Hyunjin’s face dropped, he swore his heart had stopped beating as the cold sweat began to come again, god please not now. “N-no you can't leave me, not yet,” his voice was shaking, he didn't want to lose her. Y/n was the only source of happiness in his life, no other nurse could take her place.

“Hyunjin, are you okay? You’re shaking” all of a sudden, the boy leaped out of his seat and grabbed the girl by her throat. “Hyunjin!” the girl managed to scream as his tears got replaced by the look of anger, his eyes turned dark as he grabbed onto the vase placed on the coffee table. The happy go lucky Hyunjin was soon replaced by his biggest fear, the Hyunjin that killed not only his father but his whole teenage life.

The nurse’s hands tried to pry off the boys but it was no use, his strength was on a completely new level to hers. So this was his other personality, the one the other nurses had warned her off all of this time, and now she was experiencing it first hand.

“One side of me wants to love you but the other wants to see your blood spill from every inch of your body” he let out a sinister chuckle as he violently smashed a part of the vase against the table, shards scattering all over the room. “Look what you’ve done to me” he sighed as he placed the sharp tip of the glass vase against her neck. Her breathing began to quicken, panic.

“Thank you for letting me experience the feeling of being loved, now we can leave together” she screamed but it all turned silent as the sharp shard was pushed into her neck, killing her instantly. Although that was when Hyunjin quickly snapped out of it, what had he just done? His heart dropped as he grabbed the body of the girl he gained deep feelings for, he just killed her.

“Don't worry y/n, i'll join you now” his shaking hands grabbed another shard as he screamed out at the world before closing his eyes, taking his last breath. He was certain he would never go back to that place ever again. He wouldn’t be like that again.