#im glad he died. it's still moving in the scene when it happens OBVIOUSLY. but good

[glux2]

Musing: Emotional connection

Recently a very close person to me suggested i binge watch "Angel Hare", before that day my only exposure to that project was a fan game that had a very funny punchline in lampooning the "cursed videogame" genre.

So i watched the whole thing and it was great.

This scene right here made me feel more feelings than most of the media i have watched/played/read in like the last 5 years or so.

So it made my mind wonder, like, "hold on, when was the last time i felt this strongly about a piece of entertainment?"

Sure, if you know me, i felt strongly about the ongoing plotline for Noelle on Deltarune, so one would think "2021 when chapter two came out", right? but no, i got very invested but it wasn't it.

The last time i felt so strongly about a piece of media was actually Deltarune's predecesor, Undertale in 2015.

I finished Undertale in tears, i got in a very bad funk when i found out about the genocide ending, it truly made me feel emotions.

So i began to ponder, just what really moves me?

Full disclosure: I don't cry at movies. This is not a "look at me i am a badass who is not beheld by feelings" statement, no, i kinda just dont connect emotionally with movies as easily as other people.

I have talked about this, many times actually, Toy Story 3 did not make me cry, it always bothers me how people at the time were like "if TS3 didn't make you cry, you have no soul" and shit like that, so let me repeat something i have said many times before:

Toy Story 3 was a movie i went to see the day doctors had informed me my mother had entered terminal phase of cancer.

My friends took me to see TS3 when i felt the greatest sadness i have ever felt in my entire life. And im glad TS3 was a pretty funny movie that managed to distract me from what i was going through. TS3 uplifted me when i had a very real reason to cry.

So what im getting at is, i rarely connect emotionally with what conventionally makes people emotionally connected, not that i havent felt strong emotions from movies, but as we'll get to later, it's just not the stuff you would expect, when we get back to movies you'll be thinking, "what the fuck, Toy story 3 did not make you emotional but THIS THING DID?!"

So, if traditional "emotional things" rarely have moved me i began to think to myself, "what are things that have made me feel this strongly?"

I realized it's the damn weirdest things.

I'll try to list things that i can remember making me feel this emotional.

Now i'll be upfront, im not a very cultured person, so you'll notice most of this is...not very high brow.

Also, obviously spoilers for all this stuff im about to talk about.

Before we begin: Honorable mention goes to me finding out i had repressed memories of being traumatized as a kid by being show an animated adaptation of "Pilgrim's progress" by an aunt, which disturbed me greatly towards the end as the main character dies and before it the souls of two people he met are condemned to eternal damnation from making MISTAKES, not sins, not evil, but THE FUCKING MISTAKE of exploring alternate routes before them.

-Yoshi's Island, 1994 When i was a wee one Yoshi was one of my fave videogame characters, so of course i was beyond hype when a game where you play as yoshi came out, the ending is one of the greatest moments in videogame history, the beautiful music, the journey of the stork, and finally the classic Mario fan fare playing as baby mario and baby luigi being held by their parents with the words "Heroes are born", it's such a powerful moment. To this day i still cannot listen to that credits music without tearing up.

Sequel? Retcon?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, SHUT UP, THIS IS THE PERFECT ENDING AND NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AFTER IT!

-The bicentennial man, 1999 The bicentennial man is one of the biggest examples of a movie being fucking mischaracterized in the marketing, this movie is based on Isaac Asimov's short story and later novel, it stars Robin Williams, so all marketing was presenting the movie as Robin Williams comedy movie, IT. IS. NOT. The bicentennial man is a scifi drama about the existential search for meaning and the nature of what truly is to be alive. You get invested on the quest of this robot trying to find humanity for 200 years, and the punchline to this movie is, in his quest for humanity he forgoes the immortality being a machine provides him as he had developed the way to turn himself biological, still artificial but biological, and he dies peacefully on his sleep before he can be told that humanity had declared him, legally, a human being. To me it was such a powerful moment, he found true meaning to his life, became human, yet died before knowing so.

-Courage the cowardly dog, "The Mask", 2002 This is a legendary episode of an already great show that has a lot of very good emotional moments, some may cite episodes like "the giving tree" or "the last star maker", but for me it's this one. For those who have never experienced this episode, it revolves around a cat girl named Kitty who one day shows up at Courage's farm and she's wearing an upsetting mask, she abuses courage because she believes all dogs are bad. The mask serves 2 purposes, one is metaphorical, "her inability to face reality", the second is to hide her identity as she believes she is in danger. The thing is, she is on the run because her lover best friend Bunny is trapped in an abusive relationship with a gangster dog who threatened to kill her if she was seen near Bunny ever again, the episode coats the whole situation with a ton of goofiness, but it's actually very fucking dark: A young lesbian is trapped against her will on an abusive relationship with a toxic, violent man who threatened to kill her girlfriend if she refused to date him. Courage, being a good little dog ventures to save Bunny and have her reunite with Kitty because, despite how bad Kitty was to him, he recognizes that Kitty is a victim and she and Bunny deserve better, leading to Courage letting them escape away together, to live happy and free. I don't think it's just me, but the final image of Kitty and Bunny hugging as the train takes them to freedom felt so powerful to me.

-Twisted Metal Head-on, 2002 This is one of the weirdest things i have ever gotten emotionally invested, but honestly? i love when some shitposting franchise suddenly manages to pull this off, specially given the set up for this whole thing im going to describe starts in an early game as a fucking joke. So to contextualize this, the first two Twisted metal games were helmed by the og creators of the franchise, TM 3, 4 and small brawl were made by different developers when the creators lost the rights, but during the PS2 era when the og developers came back and created TM: Black, and TM: Head-on, Black was a reboot, Head-on was a retcon sequel to TM 2 that eliminated TM3 from the timeline, but not TM 4. Still with me? Okay so TM2 had this character, Krista Sparks, who was the revealed to be the daughter of the main antagonist of the game, Calypso, but hold on? wasn't Calypso's backstory that his family died in a tragic accident which lead him to become evil? So turns out, the FBI retrieved his daughter's corpse, turned it into a robot with a bomb with the intend to make her get close to Calypso and blow him up. The ending ends comically with a message reading "The FBI wishes to thank you for putting an end to Twisted metal". Stil Still with me?!?!?! ok! so Head on! In this game Krista is back, as a ghost, her ending consists on her confronting her dad, who has now brought up so much pain, misery and death to the world, Calypso tries to explain that the nature of his powers mean he has to do this otherwise he cannot use his powers, and his plan was for Krista to win so he could bring her back and her mom to life, but Krista is so horrified with what has happened that she refuses and blurts "I wish the accident that killed me and mom never happened" the intention being impeding Calypso from becoming this evil super natural villian, but as per all endings, it's always a monkey paw affair and Calypso knows it, looking saddened he grants the wish because he has no option, his powers force him to. Briefly Krista has a vision of her childhood with her dad before he became evil as they share a sweet moment playing on a swing set. HARD CUT TO A HOSPITAL, Krista is on a bed in coma, Calypso is there and whispers to her something along the lines of "Sleep tight my dear, may you finally find peace", as Calypso is leaving the hospital you can hear 2 doctors talking, mentioning that Krista had been in coma for more than a decade and apparently Calypso just had found out. Excuse me Twisted Metal, but WHAT THE FUCK? You are a dumb fucking edgy car combat game, how dare you make me feel these things?

-Mother 3, 2006 (translation on 2008) Mother 3 hopefully needs no introduction, or maybe it does, because many people have reduced it to a joke due to how nintendo stubbornly refuses to give us an official release, but also many of you must know this franchise is the spark that ignited the flame of the absolute Juggernaut Undertale would become, as well as many other games influenced by it. The Mother/Earthbound games were known for being quirky and deviating from the standard conventions of the game, notably for the modern day setting and unorthodox choices of how you deal with the villians, they were always billed as emotional, but i feel they did not live up to that...until 3. The general narrative to Mother 3 is about how greed is destroying the world, the main villian corrupting what we see of the world (a paradise little town where everybody is nice) by introducing luxury, money and status....and also stomping everything with his fascist army and cyborg mutants. Mother 3 is a game about how the worst traits of humanity are destroying the world and upsetting nature. Mother 3 is also the story of 2 twin brothers who suffer tragedy after tragedy after tragedy that ultimately pits them one against the other with the fate of the world at stake. Mother 3 punches you almost immediately by killing the mother character (which i might mention you're encouraged to name after your own mother) at the end of the first chapter and how this affects her surviving family. one of the Twins, Claus, is so disturbed that he decides to on on his own to try to kill the monster that took his mom, while the other, Lucas, was too afraid and weak to stop his brother, resulting on Claus dying as well...but the badguys take his corpse and reanimate it into a cold, emotionless cyborg who follow's the big bad's order and is using him to try to cause the end of the world. In the climax of the story Lucas is force to confront Claus, clause is a brain washed cyborg, his master is out of the picture and all he can do is fight, you can't reason with him...and then.... Lucas and Claus begin to hear a voice, a familiar voice, it's their mother, reaching for them from beyond the grave, pleading for them to stop fighting, suddenly Lucas and Claus both have a flash back to when they were babies, overhearing their parents talk about the hopes they have for them, the many things they will be able to achieve together, this makes Clause snap out of his brain washing, removing the helmet that had been hiding his face since he was resurrected, Lucas and him have a moment as they are finally reunited, Claus realizes all the bad things he has done while under control of the bad guy and realizes he must atone for his crimes, he prepares a lightning attack he knows cannot hurt Lucas and cause HIM to die. "Im sorry for all the problems i caused" he says as he is dying on his dad's arm, "I must go to where mom is now", as he passes away he can hear his mother calling for him, "You just be so tired" she says. Now i know it will sound insane for people to hear a videogame of all things can make one so emotional, but damn, just recollecting these scenes for this dumb post has made me start to cry, the emotional punch of this scene is very strong, it demolished me when i played the game back in the day, but now? After my own mother passed away? I have been scared of playing this game again. I mot sure if im emotionally prepare to go though that again, even 10+ years later. That's how powerful this scene was to me.

-Elite Beat Agents, 2007 If you have played this game, you know were im going, for those who dont, EBA is a silly rhythm game about secret agent cheer leaders that are dispatched around the world to help people in need by raising their spirit and allow them to overcome adversity, the game is insanely wacky and have scenarios like helping a ninja car salesman prevent a company from stealing his company's secrets, helping a washed up baseball star fight a lava spitting golem rampaging on an amusement park and traveling back in time to help davinci paint the mona lisa. EBA is also the second game in the Ouendan series, and there is something you need to know about this series: They all include tearjerker levels to contrast with all the goofiness. "A christmas Wish" is a christmas themed level set to Chicago's "You are the inspiration" and the story to this level is positively DEVASTATING: A few months before christmas a business man tells his daughter and wife he has to go on a business trip but he promises he'll be back just in time for christmas, the girl asks him to bring back a "girlfriend" for her teddy bear. The father dies on a plane crash. When the mother breaks the news to the little girl she gets angry, crying to the skies that her dad promised he would be back for christmas. The backdrop of the stage is set the girl and the mom doing things to remember the dad, like looking through a photo album and baking a cake for his birthday, it's very sweet, but...this is EBA, if you're doing poorly you see the "bad" versions of these scenes, and in this one, one is very devastating, the little girl is having a dream where she's chasing the spirit of her dad, if you're doing well she calls for him and for a brief moment the dad stops and starts turning towards her, if you're doing bad the spirit fades away and the girl wakes up in tears. Dear goodness. But of course, if you beat the level you get this sequence of the ghost of the dad showing up on chrismas morning to fullfil his promise, giving the little girl the teddy bear he promised and having the chance to say good bye to his family.

This punches you really fucking hard in the gut. I am incapable of doing this level without ending in tears. For a time i could not even listen to this song without tearing up until, i shit you now, the deadpool movie used it on a comedy scene.

-Punch out!!, 2009 This one is one i know got me because of personal nostalgia, when i was a wee one the og NES punch out was a big part of my childhood, Punch Out!! on the wii was a masterfully crafted tribute to the franchise. To not dwell too much time on this, this game has an interesting quirk, the ending is a downer ending and it's the only ending you can get. After you beat the last opponent there is a sequence where Mac and Doc seemingly are having a disagreement, where Mac seemingly has decided that if he loses 3 times, he'll retire from boxing completely. After this you face randomly opponents from the game, the first time you lose in this mode you lose your champion title, after three loses, it's game over and the story mode becomes locked for that save file. The final cutscene is Doc walking through what seems to be a gallery with boxing memorabilia, and untold number of years later, he is alone, he spots his old bike on this gallery and rings the bell, he looks up and speak to an absent Mac, "Good job son, good job", as he leaves the camera pans to reveal he was looking at a framed photo of him and Mac on one of their training sessions. The music on this sequence is so perfect, and it was aimed at people like me, people who grew up with the franchise, the idea was making it feel like Doc was reminiscing of YOUR time with punch out when you were a kid, and to make you think about how far YOU have come since the first time you played the games in an arcade, or your nes, or snes. It's actually pretty effective and it got me.

-Regular Show, "Trucker Hall of Fame", 2012 What makes this one different from others instances of me making me emotional, it's, much like the "Angel Hare" example at the top, this one is all about WARM HAPPY FEELINGS, so for those who did not watch this episode, let me summarize it for you: One day Muscleman gets word that his dad, who was his personal hero, has passed away, and he's tasked with carrying his final wish, spread his [hat's] ashes in a place called "Trucker hall of fame", you see, Muscleman was lead to believe his dad was a legendary trucker and that earned him his admiration, but during the episode Muscleman finds out he was lied to, his dad was a forklift driver that the truckers belittled, altho feeling cheated for having been lied to he carries on with his father's wishes. Now because this is regular show, when they arrive at the trucker's hall of fame they are immediately attacked by ghost trucker for "desecrating the hall of fame" as they spread the ashes something happens: The ghost of Muscleman's dad manifests himself and saves his son, taking the chance to apologize to his son and having the chance to say his final good bye personally. Despite the inherent silliness of the show's premise, i think this episode really did a good job on expressing that sense of catharsis of making peace with the passing of a love one.

-The Final Girls, 2015 A friend suggested we watched this movie, and much like Twisted metal up there, i absolutely did not expect for this incredibly stupid comedy horror movie to hit me with any sort of emotional connection, and yet... The Final Girls opens with the main character in a car with her mom, who is an struggling C-tier actress whose biggest achievement ever was appearing on a Friday the 13th knock off movie, during this sequence they get in an accident where the mom dies and even after it's been some time since the accident the main character has not properly moved on from the passing of her mom. Her friends and some people at the college she attends are preparing this horror movie festival where the main event is they are going to play the movies from the franchise her mom was on, and they suggest she should come. Then some bullshit happens and they all end up somehow trapped in the world of the movie. A quick rundown of the rules of horror movies is explained to them, the monster cannot be defeated by fighting it, it's only the final girl who can defeat the killer, and unfortunately for them they accidentally killed the character that, in the canon of the movie, is the final girl, so they believe one of them has to become the final girl and end the movie to hopefully get out of it. The problem is, the main character is experimenting shock from interacting with her mom's character, she is not taking well to seeing her mom on the flesh and she dedicates the entire movie to "save her mom", in the climax of the movie the mom character begins to understand that she is a fictional character and the nature of her attachment to the main character, understanding that they cannot be both the final girl and if then main character wants to make it back to the real world she has to learn "To let go", choosing to sacrifice herself so there is only one final girl. It's kinda weird, that of all possible premises, this managed to make a "You need to move on" message that somehow managed to resonate with me, you might have figured out by now a running theme here, but, i was really hard for me to deal with my mother's passing even if it's been years since it happened, so it's kinda funny for me to think these are the places i have found comfort from.

-Undertale, 2015 Okay this is tumblr, i already talked about Undertale on the prologue to, whatever the fuck im doing here, you know what undertale is, you know how effective it is, Undertale is really well designed for you to grow emotionally attached to these characters, so being able to see all these characters you know have grown attached to have their happy ending on the pacifist ending does fill one with a very satisfactory warm happy feeling that can move you to tears. ...Or you can be bummed out by being a little greedy gaming bitch and taking a look at the bad ending. Because you just couldn't help yourself, could you?

-Onward, 2020 This movie did not hit me as hard as the most emotional entries on this, but it still got me, because in the end of the day the main motivation of the characters on this movie is experiencing closure, catharsis over the death of their father, for Ian it's the fact that he died before he was born so he never met him and is driven by this desire to finally see the father who he shares such a connection with on the stories everybody who knew him in life have told him, and then there is Barley, the elder brother, who did know his dad in life, but is tortured by how, as a kid, he did not properly say good bye to him because he was terrified of death and avoided being there for him in his final days. The ending for this movie is very powerful, Ian choosing to sacrifice being able to meet his dad in the flesh, even for a few minutes, in order to give Barley the chance to being able to properly make peace with his dad and properly say good bye to him. Ian doesn't even get to SEE this, he does not get to see his dad even tho it was what he wanted most of all, but he understood bringing closure to Barley was more important than his selfish desire to see his dad, someone he never knew in life.

So what have i learned from whatever the hell this trainwreck of a post is...i guess that what really gets to me, what really moves me, is when a character, maybe not even someone i can realistically relate to, gets to experience closure, catharsis and be in peace with the people who are missing on their life. The majority of these things in here, even the Angel Hare example, relate to a character being able to experience catharsis by being able to properly make pace or otherwise contact someone they lost, or their ability to move on from this world, so to speak, knowing that their affairs and in order and that their loved ones will be okay.

Things can always look dark, the world may be trying to keep you down, maybe losing someone has been specially hard for you, but it's not the end of the world, you are loved and things can get better, it always hurts and we'll never stop missing what we have lost, but the memories of happier times are there to remind us, we can be happy again, and we can move on, use those memories as your motivation, you can lead yourself to a future filled with light.

[arcadejohn127-9]

Hello,, may i request headcanons of the brothers who got a love letter from mc but it turned out to be a prank from some lesser demons,,thank you :))

This was meant to be posted on yesterday for April fools but ended up getting caught up with things irl and didn't get to finish it in time - aaaaaaaand I fell asleep before midnight and now it's 3 am, fell asleep mid way through writing, well done me 😭😂

Rip the lesser demons for always having the balls to cause mischief but always end up getting hurt, when will they learn - what happens at the end is up to you

The lesser demon snickered towards his friend, shushing their friend as they slipped the pink letter into the higher demons locker. Another demon was with them, more timid than the other two.

"what if we get in trouble?! They'll find out it wasn't actually the human and we'll end up dog food-!"

"we planned this whole thing, it'll be fun - we just gotta stay at a distance!"

It was long before footsteps grew closer, the timid demon squeaking in fear. The other lesser demons took it as a sign to start running, grabbing each other and bolted away from the scene of the crime.

The owner of the locker arrived, just noticing the lesser demons run off in the distance. He opened his locker and almost stumbled back when a letter fluttered out. The demon grew curious he noticed there was a heart seal on the back. He opened it to read it to himself.

To my dearest friend,

I think it's about time I come clean about my feelings, I've been holding these in for a very long time and I refuse to keep them a secret anymore!

I'm in love with you! I can't explain it but you've won my heart, everytime you smile at me I just can't help but feel my heart skip. Is it wrong to feel this way? I'm only a human and you are a demon...we're so different and I don't know how long we'll be able to have this time we have together. All I know is that I want to be with you for as long as I can!

Will you accept my feelings? I'm not sure if I can face just yet so meet me at the end of day! I'll be waiting for you at the back of the school - I really hope you come. Even if it's decline my feelings....I just want to be able to face you and how you make me feel.

Love, (Y/N)

Lucifer:

Oh his ego is SO stroked

He could just imagine the human blushing as they wrote and nervously putting it in his locker

He did see you later that day and decided to tease you a little but while you were flustered, you also seemed confused

That was his first suspicion

When the time finally came he was patient but you weren't early

His second suspicious

You both knew each other very well, he liked things being in a timely Matter and you tried your best to not be late

He stiffened when he heard a snicker from a few trees away, he looked over there to see three demons all hiding

"I know you're hiding, it's best you come out now."

One by one they all showed themselves, growing nervous

"Come here, don't be shy, I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for this, after all you seemed to be desperate to have me out here."

"you- you knew it wasn't the human?!"

his pride wouldn't let him tell the truth, he refused to show his disappointment

"of course, you clearly don't understand the human as much as you think you do - now, who's the leader? I think we should have a nice talk."

Mammon:

YOU GAVE HIM A LOVE LETTER??!!!

He's internally screaming, his face was bright red

Watch this boy struggle against his locker as he tries to hide his excitement

Though, when his high died down he did find it strange you were being shy

You could have your shy moments but to confess through a letter was odd

He wasn't the brightest guy around but he can sense when he's getting scammed - even if he ignores that instinct when it comes to money

He's always around you so it wasn't strange for him to see you after class and he was surprised how... relaxed you were

Something was up but in the end, he went to the back of the school

When he texted you, asking you where you were and you said going home - that was the final straw

HE WAS TRICKED!

"Oi! Are you out there?! I know you tricked me!"

The lesser demons started to panic, not thinking mammon would catch on

But when mammon started marching around looking for them they decided it was best to reveal themselves

"There ya are, now let's get to talking - what made you three wanna do something like this? You think it's funny to pretend to be the human?"

The leader snickered, agreeing that it was funny to pretend but their friends understood right now - their doom was coming

Mammon cracked his knuckles, stalking closest to them

"I like a good joke, let me show you my favourite one."

Levithan:

Love Letter in his locker??? Heart seal!!!??HE WAS THE LOVE INTEREST??!!

He's torn between dying inside and excitement, he's absolutely losing it

He had to fan himself with the letter due to how hot his face was getting

He wasn't sure how he was going to face you! Let alone you having to face him

But- there was no way you were interested in him! You wouldn't do this

He didn't believe it, it HAD to be a prank

When levi saw you for the rest of the day it only strengthen his suspicions

He did go to the back of the school and when he saw you were no where to he seen

He was absolutely embarassed and ashamed by even hoping it was real

"YOU CAN COME OUT NOW! just- just stop hiding, it isn't funny."

the demons came out, disappointed with the lack of dramatics

"so you three did it, you really think it's funny to do something like this?! To mess with someone's feelings and pretend to be the human is just - IT'S PATHETIC-!"

The demons started to feel uncomfortable, the higher demon had tears in his eyes and obviously worked up

Even the one who wanted to see this kind of reaction was uncomfortable

His demon form started to shift outwards and raised his hand, the ground beneath them rumbling

"it seems you just think I'm some sort of pushover! But I'm not!"

Satan:

Hm, how interesting

It isn't too odd that you're using a letter to confess, you know he appreciate writing

But you were more verbal or atleast text - this was new

But to say he wasn't absolutely ecstatic was an understatement, he was beyond the moon

When he saw you later he tried to not bring up the letter as his brothers were around

Though, he was thrown off when you got confused when he teased about seeing you after school

He decided he'll investigate things, going up to demons who have lockers near his and ask if he saw the human put anything in it

After awhile of searching he finally found out it was three demons who did it - he didn't want to spoil their fun and so he still went

He leaned against the nearest tree, waiting for the demons to arrive

"Ah you're here, I'm so glad you finally came."

the demons were surprised when he moved towards them, they left their hiding spot with nervous smiles

"You write well, you got their energy almost perfectly into the letter - I'm impressed."

They didn't expect that....not one bit

"you're not....mad???"

Satan chuckled, flexing his clenched fists

His smile grew more strained and dangerous as he leaned over them

"oh no, no I'm not mad - im LIVID."

Asmodeus:

He was surprised to get a love letter, he gets piles worth everyday

He didn't expect it to be from YOU though

You were so open with him and you two were already overly affectionate to each other he was sure you were already low-key dating

So to get confirmation his feelings were returned - he was overjoyed!

As soon as he saw you he's hugging you, telling you how he loved your letter and that he'll still meet you after school if you need to

You were utterly confused and unsure what he was talking about

When you told him you didn't give him that letter he felt his heart break

You didn't love him?? That wasn't your letter??

To think someone would play a prank on him like that! It was rude!

When it was time, he went to the back of the school and pretended as if he didn't sense the other demons

That was until he grew impatient

"are you shy, dear? It's okay - I know it wasn't the human~"

The lesser demons came out, confused

One of them blushed just being near him

"I'm sorry for my friend! They wanted to play the prank but- but I love you asmo!"

He gave them a pity smile

"aww~ of course you love me! But you really hurt my feelings making me believe the human did, I almost cried!"

The demons immediately all felt bad

The idea of their gorgeous asmo crying made them guilty

"I know exactly what will make me feel better, making sure you three can never write again~! Can't have you keep tricking me, can I?"

Beezlebub:

A Love letter from you?! He's a happy boy

But now that he actually thinks about it - it's odd you're not being upfront

You two usually sit alone together when you wanna get something off your chest, holding hands and you don't even have to face each other

Why the sudden change? Perhaps you just wanted to be like one of Levi's anime characters

Regardless, he was happy and wanted you to be happy

Hes was going to make you happy!

Beel was quick to find you and act like he didn't find your letter, you said you'll face him after school and he respected that

Whilst you couldn't exactly avoid each other before then, he did try to give you space

As soon as school ended he Went to the back, waiting for you to arrive

Each second went by and he grew more hungry

He smelt something close by and found three demons hiding, it was odd but he didn't want to be hungry whilst you confessed - he wanted to give you his full focus

"ah-! How did you know we were here?!"

"I smelt the sandwich in your bag, I want it."

It didn't take much convincing to hand it over

He's a scary demon afterall

"it's best you leave, my friend is coming."

One of the demons started laughing, questioning if he actually believed it was you who gave him the letter

Beel got confused before it all clicked together, he frowned, glaring at the demons

He wasn't happy

"I'm still hungry, three demons will do just fine."

Belphegor:

Happy cow man, demon tail go SWISH

On the inside hes like an excited dog, outside he's just standing there

Meanwhile he wants to be like his twin, respectful that you want to do later

He isn't that patient and wants to make it official with you NOW

so as soon as he sees you, he's draping himself on you and telling you how impatient he is

You're confused on why and he shows you the love letter

You tell him that it isn't from you and that's not even your hand writing - it's a good mimic but not yours

He is SHOCKED then he's mad

He still goes to the back of the school but it's to fight whoever pranked him

He wasn't going to wait around

"Get out now or I'll search this entire space for you - it won't be pretty if I find out."

It didn't take the demons twice to show themselves

Belphegor was feared amongst others due to his brutality when push comes to shove

Just because he's always sleeping doesn't mean he isn't scary

"Good~ so which one of you wrote the letter? If you wanted to confess you should of just done it."

The demons looked at each other, unsure on what to do

But after a few moments the youngest brother got impatient, moving towards them with a clenched hand

The leader of the lesser demons finally admitted to doing the prank

"see? It wasn't so hard, let's have a long chat about this~"

[black-coffee-and-sugar]

6x13: The Gauntlet

Two enjoyable episodes back-to-back? I'm shook! Obviously 6x13 lacks the serious messaging and emotional weight of last week's episode but the silliness of it was actually entertaining. My thoughts:

- opening scene is a supercorp hug. christ y'all need to warn people! i was not ready. the way kara's face lit up when she saw lena, the way lena smiled back at her. the way they hugged fully pressed. my heart is full.

- kara n lena immediately whisking away to the fortress right after that for some alone time. i love where your head is at kara 😏

- look at dansen being all cute and shit! who gave them the right honestly?

- glad they continued with kelly still processing the stuff from last episode. and alex is really trying to do better. dansen is the example to follow when it comes to healthy adult relationships. i really didn't think this show was capable.

- it's getting harder and harder to like andrea

- i actually forgot willy was shot last season. and they worked through his trauma off screen. what was the point of showing him getting a blast of courage if we weren't going to see him face his fears and shit. y'all really don't like deep topics huh.

- andrea: where's the journalist i hired?

apparently crisis changed him from a stalkery dickhead to the nice baking guy he is now. sorry girl. valid question tho

- can i just say that everyone was looking exceptionally hot in this episode? like lena, kelly and nxyly in particular jesus help me.

- i haven't enjoyed j'onn this much in so long. he was hilarious. letting that mad scientist lady plummel him in the chest, saying "hold that thought", not moving away from the dragon fire.

- brainy possessed by veeta you could tell jesse was told to just have fun with it

- also did this kryptonian witch just say 'ya mon'?

- lena looking all smol and shit with her little white sneakers and soft clothes and her waterfall hair. kara! kiss this woman already!

- kara in the suit talking privately with lena. honestly never thought i'd see the day

- kara: you really don't believe in magic?

lena: i believe in you

NO ONE TOUCH ME!!!

- this seriously tho this is such a true statement. they both have believed in each other from minute one, when they had no reason to. and yea lena tried to hate kara for a little while but even then, she never stopped believing in kara's compassion and optimism and kara never stopped believing in lena's goodness and brilliance. just say the words 'i love you' explicitly please.

- interesting that kara's test of courage takes place during her rescuing alex's plane and not idk...all the times she was too scared to tell lena. she thinks it's that one random dude she didn't save and not the times with lena (something she admits terrified her). the only thing i can think of for this moment they chose is because yes kara embraced her powers that night but she didn't step out into the public eye as herself, as the last daughter of krypton. she wasn't vulnerable in that respect. because she was scared to be discovered. because she grew up with that fear and need to fit in (she talks about that in later S1). but i will only accept this IF the show ends with kara stepping out into the world fully and no longer having to hide or deny parts of herself. but i also don't see how you make the courage test about telling lena and not have that end with kara admitting she's in love with her so. that might be why.

- nxyly's courage test was actually very sad. i feel for her truly it's not fair what happened. but her being vulnerable about her feelings is interesting because kara still hasn't learned how to do that

- lena having some convenient device to contain the totem just cuz kara needs it. we love handy and resourceful girlfriends

- what was the point of having lena at the museum if she wasn't gonna be affected? y'all copped out!

- that device that was harnessing lightning also somehow made lightning? is that how it works?

- i ASCENDED when i saw alex and lena being the only ones at kara's bedside. like straight out of fanfiction wtf. how many more times are they going to establish that the two most important people in kara's life is alex (her sister and ride or die) and lena (her best friend and perfect partner). how many times before you make this shit canon?!?!

- 'a reluctant earth witch' it's a very interesting way to pronounce lena luthor

- but also, y'all are telling me that a human witch can tap into imp magic? reality warping magic? all-powerful magic? fuck, lena is really on her way to becoming the most powerful being on the planet

- kelly showing up because lena called. im gonna go ahead and assume this indicates that lena and kelly have also spoken about lena ignoring her message. and that they had a meaningful discussion about it and what happened at the ormfell. because as much as i love lena, she deserved to be dragged just as much (if not more) as the superfriends.

- kelly shielding alex was a good visual. kinda stupid but nice.

- dansen couch scene i stopped breathing cuz i swore kelly was about to propose. i love them so much

- supercorp couch scene is where i died because it came at me without warning. kara sans glasses in her civilian clothes. not performing as kara danvers or supergirl. here she's just kara, an alien refugee chilling with her best friend. which is all she ever wanted and she deserves it!

- kara handing lena her plate. stop it!

- but also lena is in the same clothes all episode. which means they left the tower together. and headed straight to kara's apartment. lena definitely slept over in kara's pjs. I'M NOT OKAY!

- this is the first couch scene we got since alex n kara in 6x08. where Kara admits she doesn't want to be alone anymore. and now she isn't because lena is back. god i actually can't.

- kara's face when lena tells her about being a witch. she's so smitten! they're in love your honour

- lena saying that kara is the epitome of courageous with such seriousness and intensity. even though kara tries to brush it off cuz she can't really agree right now, lena means it 100%

- lena's sad face when kara wanted to stay connected to nxyly even though she could get hurt. worried wife energy we love to see it

- poor nxyly must be confused asf

- but also it's canon that kara feels hopeful and happy around lena and no one can take that from me. and it's not just words. kara's behavior is different, she's smiling more, she's opening up. acting choices melissa explain yourself!

not bad at all. we were fed lots of supercorp after months of nothing. they better keep up this momentum. it was lighter episode in terms of emotions and what have you compare to pervious ones. seems like the season is officially kicking off now that lena is back. probably going to have a totem of the week kinda deal but hopefully they include kelly's storyline with the heights cuz i wanna see the conclusion of that.

[normal-thoughts-official]

The world keeps spinning (it really shouldn't)

Vance did it. He defeated Josephine, saved his grandpa and Elliot, and saved the town. Everything's fixed.

No. Everything is awful. He failed, and now his friend- now Tom is gone.

And he'd rather fight Josephine all over again, because it'd be easier than what he has to do now- tell Andy about it.

Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)

Relationships: Andy Kang/Tom Sato, Danni Asturias/Imogen Wescott, (dannimogen is background and very brief but i couldn't resist), Andy Kang & Ava Cunningham & Lucas Thomas & Lily Ortiz

Additional Tags: tom dies and everything is awful, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Friendship, for basic context im going with the version of ILITW that i got, which is that everyone survived and noah took jane's place, and then for ILB i did the version where tom dies obviously, (which is not the version i got), (everyone survived), (i feel the need to say this for my own ego), but anyway i was like what if tho. andy would be devastated, and then... this happened?, only difference from canon is that ILITW MC told everyone about noah a lot before, also like. imma be real with yall, im physically uncapable of giving my MCs serious names, so ILB MC was named That Bitch and i didnt want to give him a real name, cuz it felt like betrayal, so im just calling him vance for this one, is it his nickname? is he called vance vance? dont worry about it, Anyway that's it, Pining, you know. before the death part. it's mentioned, also we're ignoring the whole richard tries to murder MC thing, cuz i dont have time for that, so pretend ILB ended on chapter 17, Hopeful Ending, considering the theme i mean

Read it on Ao3

The city of Westchester looks exactly the same, but somehow feels a lot less wholesome, now. Vance walks in it and feels like a corpse among the living, like a ghost screaming to everyone that something's wrong. And being ignored.

It shouldn't look the same, without Tom.

But no one knows, yet.

He swallows, running a hand behind the nape of his neck. That's why he's here, anyway - they should know, they deserve to know, and he doesn't want to have the funeral without Tom's friends there.

Which is why he's going to tell Andy. Himself, in person. Because he might not know him very well, but he wants to do the right thing, and that's the least Andy deserves. He knows there's no one Tom loved like he did Andy, and from what he's seen of them together, the feeling was mutual.

He has to do this. But he feels sick, just thinking about that bond, and how it was ruined.

How could he let this happen to them?

He was so cocky, so stupid, so reckless... He thought everything would turn out okay. Assumed it would, even, because it kept getting him through it, to think that everything would turn out fine.

God. What a joke.

He walks into the little diner Andy had recommended. I'm sure you've heard of that place, Tom loves it, he had texted. We always went there to celebrate our wins back in high school. His stomach had churned, but he didn't say anything, because he wasn't going to tell Andy via text. He has to do this right. It's the least he owes him.

So he pretended that everything was fine, and agreed to meet him there. Woke up, and dragged himself to the place, trying to muster up the courage to face the world that seemed to not even care about his mistakes.

When he gets to the diner's door, he takes a deep breath, trying to ground himself for what he's about to do. Face his own mistakes. Face the pain he caused when he failed them both.

He walks in, and to his relief, and despair, Andy is already there. He smiles brightly when he sees Vance, and Vance wants to disappear.

"Vance! Nice to see you, dude. I heard about what went down in Pine Springs, glad you're okay," he says, not giving time for Vance to answer before continuing, this weird sense of calm and sympathy about him. "So, I assume you still need help with that ghost? From what I've seen in the news, it seemed like you handled it pretty well, but it's not like they are giving us supernatural updates or anything, so I figured there were still some loose ends to tie. Are the other guys coming? Where's Tom?" he looks over behind Vance, and Vance wants to die at the question. God, how is he going to tell him? He didn't really think about that, beyond the part where he has to. "I kind of thought you'd come together again. Bad move to come separated, Tom is always late to everything, I swear if it weren't for me he'd have been kicked out of the team for missing practice too many times. And I'm not the most punctual guy in the world, mind you, but I still had to drag his ass there so he'd be on time- is everything okay?"

Vance is a little shocked by the question. It's not, but what is he supposed to answer? "Andy," he says, a little careful, "things… went a little wrong, back there."

"Oh, shoot," he says, "I'm sorry, man, I kinda assumed, when I heard about how the flooding and the animal attacks were in full swing and then just stopped suddenly, that that was when you got rid of the ghost, you know? And seeing you all in one piece… I thought it was over already. Do you need help? I can round up the guys, and we can go-"

"No, Andy," Vance says, "the ghost is gone."

Andy looks at him, confused. "Then what's the problem?"

"Tom," he says, then winces when he sees all the color drain from Andy's face.

Andy waits for barely a second, then breaks into anxious questioning. "Tom? Why? What do you mean? Is he hurt? How bad is it? Did he have to go to the hospital? Where is he?"

Vance wants to cry. God. God. He can't do this. "Andy..."

Andy just looks at him, eyes wild, terrified, and it hasn't even hit him yet. "Vance. Vance. Please. What happened? Does Tom need me? Because if so, we need to go-"

"Tom's gone," he says, and it leaves him in a rush, a whisper, taking with it the last of his energy. He's empty, and somehow, it's still awful. "He's… he's dead, Andy."

Andy looks at him, eyes wide, unfocused, lost. "This isn't funny," he says. "If Tom put you up to this, knock it off right now. Tell him not to ever joke about-"

"Andy," Vance says, then swallows. "Tom wouldn't joke about that. You know that."

"No, he wouldn't, but..." His eyes begin to water, panic settling in, gaze darting across the room as if searching for him, "But… No. No. No, knock it off."

Vance starts crying before Andy does. "I'm sorry, Andy."

--------

Andy is in shock. He freezes in place, mouth hanging open, everything about him completely still except for his eyes, still so damn wide, still searching the place, searching Vance, begging for something, anything. Vance sits him back down on the table, gently, and Andy lets himself be handled back, eyes still not settling on him.

"I'm sorry," Vance says. "I… I promised you that I would take care of him. I tried, but… I'm so sorry."

"How?" he asks, "how could this happen? This isn't… After Redfield, when everyone survived, I just… I didn't think any of us could lose to another monster, I..." He shakes his head, vigorously, desperately. "This was supposed to be over. We were done, we were free, it was supposed to be over, we were all supposed to be safe, it shouldn't..."

"I'm sorry. It all happened so fast, I… If I had been faster, maybe..."

"Well, it's a bit late for that now," Andy snaps, and Vance bites his lip, not recoiling, because he deserves it. Then Andy stops, as if realizing what he had said, and for a second, his eyes seem clear again. He shakes his head. "No. I'm sorry. I… If there's anything I've learnt from everything that happened, it's that we can't point fingers when things get hard." He finally looks up at Vance, shaking, eerily still, nothing like the guy he was just seconds ago. He's wrecked, Vance thinks, and he wants to tear at himself in guilt. "What happened? Did he- did he drown, or… Did the ghost..."

"We were fighting monsters," Vance explains. "There were just… So many of them, and it all happened so fast, I..." he looks away, not daring to look back at the memory, not daring to remember the awful scene. As if he has to. Everytime he closes his eyes, it's back, punishing him. "We got his body," he explains. "Pine Springs is taking the victims to mass graves, but we wanted to give him a proper burial. I thought… You'd want to come."

Andy seems surprised, like that hadn't crossed his mind. "You haven't buried him yet?"

Vance bites his lip. "No. We're doing it tonight. We didn't have the time before, and… Well, I thought you'd want to be there. And I think he'd have wanted his body to be in Westchester, so..." He trails off.

Andy looks at him, hesitant. He bites his lip, looks away, then back at him. "Can I see the body?"

Vance does recoil, this time. He wasn't expecting this question. "I… You won't want to."

"What do you mean, I won't want to? I need to say goodbye to him, I-"

"Andy," he says, as gently as possible, because he deserves Andy's anger, all of it, but he won't let him do that to himself. "You won't want to remember him like that. His body…" He looks at Andy's eyes. He's still furious, livid, shaking, and he's lost, and Vance realizes that he doesn't get it, doesn't understand what Vance is saying, and this might be even worse than having to tell him Tom is dead. "It's torn to pieces, Andy. There's not much for you to see."

Andy freezes, for the second time that day. "Was he- oh, god," he looks at his own shaky hands, somehow even more in shock than before. "Was it… At least, was it quick?"

Vance starts crying again. He opens his mouth to answer. He can't. He chokes on the words, on his guilt, on his uselessness. "I'm so sorry, Andy."

------

Andy throws up. Once, twice. He doesn't insist on looking at the body. Obviously, he can't. Just imagining it- it's too much.

He tries to comfort Vance, because he- he's trying to do better, with his anger, with his impulsiveness, but all he can think about is how much he wants to destroy something, and honestly, the whole conversation is a blur. He punches the wall instead, once he gets home. And throws up. Again and again. Sends his friends a message, letting them know about the funeral. Cries. Punches the wall again. And again, and again, hoping that his hands will start to bleed, that he'll tear himself apart. His mom asks what's got him so angry, and he yells, "Tom is dead!". Her face twists in shock, and he can't look at it. He runs away.

Being back outside is almost worse. Everything- it should be in shambles. The whole town, the whole world should be on fire, fizzling, filled with screams and despair, like Andy is. He's never lived in a world without Tom before, never been away from him his whole life, and it shouldn't look like it's just the same. Everything should be gone, destroyed. And it is, but it doesn't look that way, and Andy wants to tear it all apart until it makes sense, at least.

He hates Westchester now. He hates it. God damn the stupid woods, and the stupid cult, and the fucking Power! God damn Andy for telling Tom about it, for letting him become this sort of- monster hunter, for believing that just because they overcame a ghost once, it would keep happening if they pushed their luck.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Tom can't be dead. It's impossible.

How can Andy still be standing, if Tom isn't here?

---------

He wanders like that the rest of the day, not noticing the hunger that builds up after going a whole day without eating, not noticing the passersby looking at him worriedly, not noticing the thousands of missed calls from his mom, not noticing anything but this awful despair. He knows the feeling of wanting to claw his chest off intimately well, but it's never been like that before. He wants to carve himself hollow. He wants to scream. He wants to run. And he runs from the all-encompassing nothingness, even though he has nowhere to go.

He goes from angry to empty, and then back to angry, all day long, and the day passes in a blur.

--------

Andy meets up with Vance and two girls from their crew. Their group was pretty small, he realizes. A lot smaller than Andy's was, all those years ago. Three years ago. Forever ago. Another lifetime. Just yesterday.

The cemetery is empty, but there's a grave with a black casket they're standing next to. "I thought all the cemetery crew was helping Pine Springs," he says, like he cares. Honestly, he hadn't thought about the logistics of this at all.

"They are," Vance confirms, serious. "You, uh… You know about Noah, right…?"

Andy nods. "Yeah, we, uh, reintroduced ourselves to him a little after you guys left." It was weird, to say the least. All that anger, all that betrayal, bubbling up again right when they had all started to move on from what had happened, to think that it was over… The urge to scream at him, demand answers… And then seeing all the hurt, and the confusion, and remembering that they had loved Noah, once, most of their lives, and that at the end of the day, the only one who had suffered from his actions was himself.

It wasn't easy to forgive. Not to Andy. Or Stacy. Or Ava. But they had been working on it. Maybe they couldn't forgive, much less forget, but at the same time, they couldn't get rid of that bond, either.

Still… "What does this have to do with… With Tom?" If Noah had anything to do with his death, Andy would kill him all over again. He doesn't care about his freaky powers, he'll die if he has to, but Noah will pay.

"He, uh, helped. Dig the grave and, uh, get a casket. That's how we got everything ready."

Oh. "I… I see," he says. "Is he here?"

"No. I told him you guys were coming, and he said it was better if he left."

"Oh," Andy answers. "I guess that's… Yeah. Still..." he raises his voice a little bit, in the direction of the woods. "Thank you, Noah."

He doesn't see or hear anything, not really, but still, somehow, he can tell that Noah is pleased. He can picture Noah's smile and that fragile little "friendsss..."

He sighs, suddenly exhausted.

Vance seems to notice, god bless his soul. "Are the others coming?", he asks, gently.

"Lily, Lucas, and Ava are," Andy replies. "The rest were out of town, and they… They won't make it."

"I'm sorry."

Andy kicks a pebble. "It's fine," he says. It's the kind of lie that's so absurd that it becomes true. Nothing is fine. It'll never be fine. So it doesn't matter at all, and it ends up being fine.

Vance seems to realize what's going through his head, somehow, because he looks unsure of what to say. Finally, he settles on, "uh, Andy. These are Danni, and Imogen," he says, gesturing to each of them, and Andy musters up enough energy to look at their faces while he does that, at least. Then, his eyes widen for a second, finally taking in what they look like.

"Wait, you're Imogen Wescott?" he says, a little dumbfounded. "When I heard that name, I kinda expected you to be, you know..."

"White and insufferable?" Imogen asks, a little smile directed at him, so gentle he can barely handle it. "Yeah. That's why I'd rather go by Genny, usually."

Danni frowns at her, slightly troubled. "You never told me that."

Imogen's smile turns a little brighter. "Oh, no, not for you, Danni. For you, I'd rather go by 'babe'".

Danni also smiles at her, and they squeeze each other's hands, and the edges of grief seem to turn just a little softer for them both. Andy can tell that things get just a little easier for them, just a little less grim, because they have each other. And he needs to look away, wants to run, because he and Tom… They could've… In a way, they were...

He feels like he's ready to run again. God, he fucked up so bad. What was he supposed to do now, how could he get better when the one thing in the world that always made him feel better was Tom? He lost him, he's gone, it's over, and somehow it hadn't hit quite the way it did at that moment, looking at that connection, that love that showed through grief. He averts his eyes, feeling wild and cornered, and turns back right in time to almost run into Lily - who looks devastated, and reaches out to touch his arm. Which feels crazy, because Andy is raw, and his whole body is bleeding, and rotting away, and who would touch him-

"I'm so sorry, Andy." She says, and Andy finds himself hugging her tight, and he feels like she should wither, die at his touch, suffocate, but she just hugs him back and pats him and Andy cries on her shoulder, and he's never cried in front of her before, much less like this. But he can't stop, he can't do anything, he's so heavy and dizzy and lost-

And Lily is stronger than they give her credit for, because she holds him, this endless weight that is him, even when he shakes and stains her sweater with tears, like it's nothing. She feels so solid, right then, the only solid thing in the world. She's got him, Andy knows, and it's like finally he ran into something he can take shelter in. He takes a deep breath, then another, and holds on for dear life.

"I'm sorry," is the first thing he says, maybe the only thing he knows how to say right now. Maybe this is how Jane felt, in the end - this endless spectre of regret, bigger than everything, than everyone, encompassing her and drowning her until it ate her whole and left her empty, with only the Power and its evil inside her.

He's so tired, but he's not empty, not yet.

He almost wants to be.

"Don't apologize," Lily says, so sad and sympathetic, and it takes Andy a moment to realize what she's even talking about. "I'm really sorry, I..."

It's only then that Andy's eyes focus enough to see Ava and Lucas standing a little after her, their faces twisted with sadness and bodies frozen in place. At times like this, it really is obvious that Lily is the bravest out of all of them, by far. Andy doesn't think he's ever cried in front of any of them, and Lucas and Ava look- completely lost.

Lucas is the first to talk, out of them both. His voice is very soft. "Andy, if there's anything you need..."

Ava interrupts, words leaving her way too fast. "We'll be staying with you tonight." She blinks for a second, frowning at Lucas. "Sorry, I, uh, hadn't realized you were talking." She looks like she just came out of a daze. She probably had been running that in her head for a while. Lucas puts his hand on her shoulder, and Ava runs a head on her neck, embarrassed.

"It's okay," Andy answers, even though her apology wasn't directed at him. "You don't have to, you know, watch over me or..." He trails off.

"We're not leaving you alone," Ava says, resolute. "You know the others couldn't come, but we all agreed that we should be… You know..."

Andy chokes on something he can't quite feel. He looks down at his feet, and he hasn't felt this small in years. "I… Okay."

Ava reaches out to him, hesitant, and gives him a little pat on the shoulder. Lucas starts rubbing his back soothingly, and, very awkwardly, they gravitate into a group hug. Andy can see the nervousness in Ava's eyes, the worry that she's doing this wrong somehow, like a hug is the most complex thing in the world, and he tries to muster up a little smile of encouragement to her, but he's forgotten how to do that. He doesn't know how to do anything, anymore.

Slowly, they separate, and all three of them still keep some sort of touch with Andy - even Ava, with her hand close to his shoulder - like they're trying to anchor him, but he drifts away anyway, lost in whatever it is that's left of himself.

Vance looks down at him for a moment, as if waiting for a signal, but Andy doesn't know for what, so he waits for Vance to figure it out. Finally, he says, "should we start?"

Andy frowns. "Wasn't there some other guy with you? Pork something?"

Vance, Imogen, and Danni all look at each other, uncertain, surprised, for a moment. It's Imogen who speaks up. "He… He left us."

Ava swallows. "Did he also..."

"No," she says, shaking her head, sadly. "He, uh, deserted the group."

"He what?" Someone asks, shocked, almost outraged, and when Andy sees the looks in everyone's faces, he realizes that it was him.

"He couldn't take it," Vance says, face twisted with sadness. "All the fighting, the monsters… He left."

Andy is shaking. Falling apart. About to explode. "When?"

Vance doesn't look at him. "Right before the final battle."

"He abandoned you when you were going up against the evil ghost?"

"He..." Vance begins, then finds that he has nothing else to say. "Yeah."

"How…" Andy begins, lost for words, and then it happens. He explodes. "How dare he!" He screams. "Tom was counting on him, he trusted him, he needed him, and he just left? He should have been there! He should have been there, he should," Andy looks at his own hands, in shock, watching them tremble and go out of focus, like there are tears blocking his vision, and he feels sick, on the verge of death, and he realizes that he's not talking about that guy at all. "He should have been there!" He slips from his own control, falling to his knees, covering his face, feeling shame, shame, shame, hatred, disgust. "He should… I should… Oh God, I just let him go alone..."

"Andy..." Someone says. Maybe Lucas. Maybe Lily. Maybe the Imogen girl. It sounds so sympathetic. He wants to claw at his own skin and hide.

"I should have been there, I shouldn't… I had experience, what was I thinking..."

"Tom didn't want you to go," someone else says, gently. "I was there when you talked, remember? You didn't abandon him. You said you were going to come, and he told you not to."

"Tom.. Tom is not my damn boss," Andy answers, still covering his face, feeling the tears stop spilling and start to drown him from the inside, and god damn T, the least Tom deserves is for him to be able to cry properly- "I-I should have… gone," he chokes, shaking.

The next one who speaks is Ava. "He wouldn't have wanted you to be at risk, Andy."

"I don't care. I don't care. I'm selfish like that, I'd rather it was me. I could have helped him, I could have saved him, even if I had to- to take his place..."

"Andy..." is all Ava says, sounding shaken, devastated.

"Fuck!" He screams, punching the ground beneath him as if trying to punish the earth for taking Tom. "He would have never left me like that, I could always count on Tom, I could always..." he feels his chest constrict, or maybe burst, with all the tears and horror inside of him, like he's cracking from the inside. "Always..." he can't form the words, can't find the air, and he falls in on himself, more, more, more, closing in, suffocating, "always..." he can't breathe. He can't breathe. He tries to draw it in, to keep himself steady, but every time he tries to bring it in, the air escapes from him again, further, abandoning him, and he wheezes, again, again, closing in further, suffocating, oh God, he's going to die…

"It's a panic attack!" Someone screams, then kneels beside him, putting their hands on his shoulders. "Andy. Andy. Focus on me. You need to breathe. Deep lungfuls. Come on. I'll count to four. Keep breathing in. 1… 2..."

"Can't," he wheezes. It's too strong, like there's something… Something constricting his chest, inside and outside, and then he realizes… "Binder." He sits down straighter, no longer closing in on himself, and that awful vulnerability gets even worse, but it's easier to breathe. He follows the person's counts… 1, 2, 3, 4… Then up to five, then to six, then to seven, then eight… Until finally he doesn't need help, and he opens his eyes and contemplates the absolute mess that he is, and Imogen's kind, relieved face just inches from him.

"Good, Andy, you did well… I have these sometimes, too, I know how scary they are, you were so brave..." Imogen keeps on saying, painfully understanding, and he nods, a bit exhausted to explain. He didn't take his binder off all day, didn't remember… And if he wears it for too long, he's more prone to hyperventilating, especially if he's stressed. Tom knew that. Tom would have known what was going on. Tom… Fuck.

"I'm sorry," he says, to everyone, and no one in particular.

"Don't apologize. We're all glad you're okay," Lily says, and he realizes that, somehow, she had also kneeled beside him and brought him into another hug. He hides his face on her shoulder, shaking his head, trying to breathe. Breathing. She pets his head, a little bit, and he can feel some more touch, too - little pats on his shoulder and back, all gentle, not crowding him, like he's some sort of wild animal they're trying to calm down.

God, what a mess.

He holds Lily tighter, wanting to hide from the world. She lets him, because it's the kind of person Lily is. He feels himself drift away, for a while, but Lily's still petting his head and he can't lose himself completely. He shakes his head, wanting to fight it, almost wanting to get away from Lily, but he can't escape the gentleness in her embrace. He still can't cry, but he feels his eyes water and burn anyway, and he shakes his head against Lily's shoulder. He just wants this to be over. Please, he's so exhausted.

His breaths even, despite himself, but Andy keeps shaking, and he keeps shaking his head slightly against Lily. He wants this to end, it has- has to be a nightmare…

"Shh, Andy, don't hold it in, it's okay," Lily says, slowly, sadly, and Andy shakes his head more vigorously. No. He can't be weak right now, it's only going to make it last longer. He needs to end it, can't be done with this until Tom has gotten his goodbyes.

It's the least Andy owes him, now that there's nothing else he can do.

So, he speaks up.

"We should go on," he says, suddenly feeling resolute. It's easier to do this if he has something to focus on. He needs to see this through the end, for Tom. If he thinks only about that...

"Are you sure?" Vance asks, hesitant.

Andy nods, forcing his vision to focus. "He needs to rest."

----------

Everyone's speeches go by in a blur. Vance talks about how good Tom's heart was, how he was willing to drop everything to go help a bunch of strangers, how everyone could always count on him. He cries, and he says he's sorry, and the girls put their arms around him, tell him that he did his best. Imogen brings up how kind he was, and Danni talks about his strength. They really loved him, Andy notices, and feels his heart settle just a little bit. He was loved till the end. Of course he was.

Lucas talks about how supportive Tom was, how he was always uplifting everyone around him and would let Lucas babble on about conservation for hours. Lily brings up how much he believed in her and supported her when she was making her videogames. Ava says that Tom was the only one who ever saw her looking up Westchester's history and cults and just… Sat down with her and helped, understanding that she needed this to feel safe, to feel ready, and sharing that burden of getting ready for a disgrace, just a little bit. Andy never knew that Tom had been joining Ava for research. He could've helped with that, too. He could have done a lot of things, if he had paid more attention.

He's left for last, and a part of him wants to be a coward, to stay silent, but that was never his style.

"When Tom had turned into a zombie," he begins, "Redfi- Jane made him hurt me. And I wasn't worried for myself. I was worried for him. I wanted him back, no matter what it took, no matter what happened to me," he begins, not looking at anyone in particular, because he knows most of them already know this story, but he's not going to- he's not going to deny Tom the chance to know how he felt about him, before he rests. It's the least Andy owes him.

So, he takes a deep breath and goes on, pushing himself into saying something that matters.

"Then our friends showed up, and they said that Tom was still there. That I had to reach out to him. So I tried. I talked to him about our childhood. About how much he had been supporting me… How he was my best friend. He was hesitant, but so… Scared. I didn't know what to do. Tom and I always got each other..." He loses himself a little, shaking his head, purging the thoughts that were keeping him from going on, "And then someone said, 'Andy's hurt. H-he needs help'." He loses focus for a second, and that can't happen. He takes a breath, tries to make himself talk. "And just like that… Tom came back.

"He extended his hand to me, and helped me to my feet, and suddenly there was color in his face again, and for a second he wasn't even confused as to what the hell was going on, he just wanted to make sure I was okay. He came back because I needed him. Because he couldn't bear to hurt me. He was always there for me, and I… I don't think I ever needed him more than right now."

He stops a minute, to look at the faces surrounding him. There's a grief in them that looks almost like… Pity.

And Andy isn't even mad about it. He feels pitiful.

"I'm not the best guy with words," he admits, "so I don't know how to express how much this meant to me, or how much Tom meant to me. No one understood me like him. Tom is… Was… No, is a part of me. Maybe the best part of me, because I loved him more than anything else about myself. I'll miss him for the rest of my life." He looks down at Tom's grave, carved out of anything else to say. "I love you, buddy."

It's not the greatest speech that's ever been given, but it's what he can say, and at least he's done it. He'll be able to do better, later. He'll come back to talk to him again. As many times as he can, for as long as he can. He swears on that.

Andy steps back from the grave, and doesn't look as they slowly fill it, covering the closed casket with dirt. He finally allows himself to let the exhaustion catch up with him, and is overcome by that blissful, blissful emptiness.

---------

He's fully expecting himself to drop asleep as soon as they get to Ava's place. They decided to stay there for the night, because Andy still doesn't want to face his mom, to see that same grief in her, for her to want to talk to him, to tell him that everything would be fine. He can't do that, not today. At least Lucas had enough foresight to warn her of where they are, so she should leave him alone for now. Lucas is very reliable in a crisis, Andy thinks, making a note to himself to thank him properly later.

But he can't sleep. He's too exhausted to even rest. And for some reason, even though he doesn't want to talk, that's exactly what he found himself doing for the past few hours. Vomiting up all sorts of memories and thoughts, ranging from funny moments he had with Tom to all of his regrets, and Andy's always been kind of a stress-talker, but it's never been like this. He feels like he's been skinned alive; there's nothing to hold himself together, to hold anything at all in.

He cries all the tears he didn't think he had left in him anymore, and he curses himself, and the guy who left them in the end, and Noah, and the Power, and the cult, and himself again. He scratches his own skin until Lucas gently takes his hands in his, stopping him from doing more of it. And he talks, through all of that. Talks and talks and talks.

The words make him drift through memories, through states of mind, and he knows he's so damn volatile today, it's like he can't anchor himself to a feeling, but his friends put up with him anyway.

Finally, he starts to settle into this sort of… Slowness, like his mind is clear, or maybe blank, even as he keeps on thinking. And he keeps talking through it, letting all the minor regrets have their turn after he's too damn done to keep dealing with the worst parts.

"I never told him I was in love with him," Andy says, staring at the three empty mattresses in front of him, because it's easier than looking at any of his friends, who are currently sitting right beside him, as he babbles on. "I was going to, you know? After R- Jane. I had almost died, so I figured, you know- yolo, and all that. And then I told myself, 'I'll wait until I'm out of the hospital.' And then I started to think… What if he didn't feel the same way? What if things got weird? What if I end up losing him? And I never told him," he looks at his own feet, "and now I lost him anyway."

They all just look at him. They used up all the "I'm sorry, Andy"s left in them a long time ago, he thinks. There's only so many platitudes you can muster up when you know they're worthless, when you're just repeating yourself.

God bless them for trying, though. They're sticking with him through their own- everyone's inadequacy to deal with what's going on. Andy can't thank them enough for that.

"He knew you loved him," Ava says, serious, and Andy frowns at her, doubtful. "He might not have known you were in love with him, but… He knew how much he meant to you. I'm sure of it."

Andy laughs, humorless, "did you finally get those mind reading powers you wanted?" he says. It falls flat, but they pretend it doesn't, for his sake.

Ava rolls her eyes. "Don't be an ass, Kang," she says. "No. I just… I can tell. Anyone can."

Andy bites his lip, looking away.

She presses on, as gently as she can. "Besides, you also know, don't you? Regardless of anything else… Tom loved you, just as much as you loved him."

"I still love him," Andy says, before he can think about it, and a weird kind of shame creeps up on him - for saying it, for not saying it sooner, for realizing that this… It'll probably never go away, even now that it's completely pointless, that it's just proof of his cowardice.

"That's… Normal," Lily says, fiddling a little with her sweater. "You don't forget someone just like that, just because something happened. I mean, look at me and Britney. It took me years to get over her, and even then, I had to have supernatural forces show me exactly who she was, first."

"She didn't deserve you," Ava says.

"Maybe not. It doesn't matter now," Lily says. "The point is… It's okay to still love him."

Andy hugs his knees. "I don't think anything is okay, right now."

"That's okay, too."

They stay in silence for a moment, and then Lucas speaks up. "I know 'it gets better' stories don't really help at times like these," he says, "so I won't tell you that, but… I know what it's like, to feel like nothing will ever be okay, ever be enough. So… At least you're not alone, in that feeling."

Andy's mouth does something. It's not a smile, but it's what it can do right now. "Yeah. At least it's not like last time," he says. "With Jane. We all fell apart, and… It felt really lonely, even though..." He chokes up. "I had Tom."

Lucas rubs at Andy's shoulder sadly, and Andy shakes his head.

"It's just that he didn't get it, you know? And I couldn't tell him, about what happened," he says, instead of thinking about how much worse this is, no matter how many friends he has by his side right now. "So I… Missed you guys." He finishes, ashamed.

"We get it," Ava says, solemn. "And we're sticking with you, this time around."

"Yeah," Lucas agrees.

"Yeah," Lily adds.

"Okay," Andy answers. "I… Thanks."

They hug him tighter. It's all they have to say.

[holdurown]

🐺RULES OF WOLVES REVIEW🐺

hey so i uh. finished the book last night and here are my thoughts

disclaimer(s): this will be long and also probably incoherent. if you have different opinions that’s great, and i will be glad to hear them, just please do not be mad at me. some more important things to know might be: a) i read this in a very short period of time so my brain is a bit overloaded and that might affect my perception of the plot. b) i don’t care abt the darkling, i basically never have

also spoilers obviously

alright, let’s start with stuff i didn’t like so we can get that over with:

THINGS I DIDN’T LIKE

i really hate the trope of big bad gets defeated and it’s really narratively and emotionally satisfying and then they just...get brought back. it cheapens the end of ruin and rising for me. that was the one time i felt anything for the darkling, when he just wants to be remembered right before his death. but then he gets brought back. and i’m like 😒 ok. so i didn’t really enjoy his chapters, i don’t enjoy him as a character, and i thought his chapters stalled the plot.

the plot pacing...maybe it’s just because i did a speed run through it, but there was maybe too much going on? like the characters were doing totally different things away from each other, so some parts felt rushed. it felt like some important scenes were cut for time. one example is when david dies. we leave off with genya saying she can’t find him, and then we go to zoya’s pov at his funeral. but zoya was somewhere totally else right before? anyway, some parts felt like they were just there to wrap up loose ends, and i was kind of skimming

i could’ve done with a little more on zoya’s feelings for nikolai. like her internal monologue. we got a little bit of it, but between her realization that it’s ok to love people and let them in and the scene with their kiss, i could’ve used a bit where she was like, “oh, i need to tell him now.” a scene where she’s kind of realized that she deserves him?

this is minor, but i really thought we would get a scene between jesper and leoni where they talked about his mom’s sacrifice, idk i thought it would’ve been a nice full circle moment

WHY DIDN’T WE GET THE NINEJ REUNION IN NINA’S POV?! IM GOING TO ******* *** yeah i really wanted that

at the end, i felt like we were missing some kind of emotional climax. i don’t know exactly why i feel this way. i think it’s because the battle with zoyadragon happens and then we go straight into nikolai making a bid for queen zoya. maybe the emotional climax was supposed to be the darkling? idrk

aaaaand that’s all i can think of for that

THINGS I LIKED (OR LOVED)

the emotional beats felt very similar to fire (by kristen cashore) in some places and that’s my favorite book. the idea of pushing people away because you’re scared of the grief of their death? go read fire!

that zoya ended up on the throne. i liked it a lot, it just feels right

hannina, because i’ve been gunning for them since king of scars came out and i couldn’t find fan art or fics or anything, they are so underrated. i could talk abt them forever. the idea of nina being able to heal from the pain of matthias’ death and move on with someone else? i loved it. i think sometimes fandoms have a hard time coming to grips with the idea that people can love more than one person in their lifetime

hanne trans rep! i think this storyline was developed well, even though i kind of wanted them to be able to run wild and free in the countryside. ruling a kingdom seems stifling, but that’s just me

nina bi rep, and you know what? we get such shitty bi rep in ya fantasy, i’m still recovering from whatever the fuck sjm did. thank god for nina. the best bi rep in any ya fantasy i’ve read so far💖💜💙

that brief interlude in ketterdam. was it necessary? maybe not, but it was one of my favorite parts. i just breathe a sigh of relief when i’m around the crows again

genya and zoya and alina and nina’s friendship. i already said it in a post, but well-written female friendships are surprisingly hard to find in ya. friendship is inherently romantic! zoya holding up genya after david. zoya’s feelings for nina in contrast with how nina thinks zoya feels about her is just (👩‍🍳💋)

SO WHAT NEXT?

i don’t think we’ve gotten any news abt a sequel, so this is probably the end of the grishaverse for now. what i want most of all is a collection of short stories from different povs all around the grishaverse. just one chapter little slices of their lives. here’s some possibilities i was dreaming up

inej taking down a slaver’s ship, being a pirate, in her element

hanne and nina on vacation from ruling, maybe riding horses, just some fluff

jesper and leoni meet, it would be emotionally charged, they would talk abt his mom and she might start teaching him more fabrikator things

nikolai and linnea opjer? just linnea opjer? i’m so curious about this character

kaz waiting for inej to sail into the harbor. he’s by the docks, he has some kind of present for her. them bickering? sitting on a roof together? idk i just want to live in kaz’s pov when he’s thinking about inej

what are the khergud soldiers up to?

nikolai’s off doing diplomacy things, being charming, in his element, but then he comes back for zoya’s surprise birthday party. this would just be so good

reunion of the crows?

i’ll probably think up more. they could essentially be like one-shot fics, but i want leigh to write themmmmm

to finish, here are some parts i highlighted

hmmm i wonder what this reminds me of... “I would have come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together-knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that's what we do. We never stop fighting.” oh yeah that’s it

this whole rant was such a mess i’m truly sorry if you made it this far

[hiwhatdoisay]

My notes on tua season 2 (spoilers)

Can not believe that Hazel died. I thought he deserved better than to die in the first five minutes after everything he’s done. I also can’t believe Agnes died!! Kind of makes sense tho if they had 20 years together

The swedes really confused/disturbed me. That scene they were playing with the knives he barely reacted when he got stabbed.

Lila deserves a better family. The abuse from the handler was so obvious to anyone outside the situation but not to Lila.

When five was first fighting Lila in the warehouse I actually thought that it was weird she kept disappearing (obviously I know why but I’ll touch on that later).

Luther really calmed down this season (in my opinion) he no longer thought he was batter than everyone which is good, and his confrontation with Reginald may have helped that.

Diego. He is so much more powerful than I thought (and I think what he was told) when he stopped the bullets in the final episode it’s clear that Reginald kept it secret from him(he seemed very surprised) I think is ability is actually bending metal, which could be explored more if the series continues.

I’m glad Allison kept her ability, and I’m also so happy she found someone that she really liked that wasn’t her sibling (you can fight me, it was incest). I’m curious as to why it has to be “I heard a rumour” it may have been a way for her to focus her power, but it would be interesting if she could learn to do this non verbally or with different words

I felt so bad for Klaus with the Dave situation because it would have killed him when Dave didn’t recognise him and honestly I love klaus so I felt really bad. I’m not surprised he started a cult because that is very much a Klaus thing to do. And it’s good to see his posts grow as he got sober.

Where do I even begin with five. When he took the assignment from the handler I could tell he was kind of antsy about it, when he got there he seemed very nervous, even saying that being lucky was dying at the right time (not those exact words but you get the point). It also broke my heart when he said “I never enjoyed the killing”. This is kind of unrelated but im glad five was the one who got the line “fuckin’ fudge nutter” because it was my favourite quote of the whole series. Five also seems to care about Vanya the most, being much kinder when he was talking to her than any of the other siblings. His ability to turn back time a few seconds was also amazing because it saved everyone. Also seeing both the fives together was hilarious. This paragraph is kind of all over the place but basically, I love five and he’s been thru some shit to save everyone

More of Ben!!! He was so cute when he possessed klaus and walked around and stuff I was so glad he got to see everything thru the loving again. M y H e a r t when he was laying in the dirt. I’m glad he stood up to Klaus about how he felt, and his sacrifice was kind of bittersweet because he was able to talk to vanya (so cute) but he was finally able to move one without being afraid to go. His funeral scene was really sad, but given everything Reginald (I fucking hate this dude but I’ll write a paragraph later) said I can assume that he was killed by someone else on a mission.

VANYA AND SISSY JUST AAAAA so good. They would have been better parents to Harlen than Carl could ever dream of (Carl was an asshole). I was so happy that they got together and so happy that Vanya was finally able to trust someone and be happy. I knew that vanya was powerful but I had not idea. She used her powers to float, bring back harlen and she was in so much better control now. The scene where she was being tortured and got her repressed memories back broke my heart, especially when she said “I don’t deserve to live.” I’m glad that Ben was there to talk to her tho because he’s clearly a sweetheart. She seemed so much more confident in herself and her abilities as well, and I think the time on the farm really gave her confidence. Also the scene where she said “who I am is not a disease” was freaking phenomenal I just can’t deal with it (this is coming from a very not straight person 😅)

What the ever loving fuck was Reginald. Dude is apart of a secret society, I mean I get it. Cared about a monkey more than he loved his children, predictable. But then this motherucker rips off his skin suit and kills a bunch of people. It kind of explains the scene with him and grace on the moon tho. So like he’s an alien? Did he cause the children to be born? Also fuck him for bringing Diego’s stutter back

Lila was an awesome character and deserved more than the emotional abuse the handler gave her. She is clearly very powerful, and it also means that there are others out there, and the handler may have collected them and killed them when she found a more powerful one.

The end scene was so interesting because I know they fucked up the timeline with everything, and Harlen clearly kept his powers, and maybe founded the umbrella (now sparrow) academy. I wonder what will happen from here, because they may have erased their own existence, and it appeared they went back to 2019 but they were still kids? Did they not go far enough or did something bad happen?

Anyway if you read all that I’m sorry it was so long I just needed to talk about it because none of my friends have watched it yet and I need to express my emotions at how good it was.

[archived-gtronpa-account]

sometimes i think about how dice would react if kokichi randomly grew like fifty feet tall,,, they’d still love him but it would be pretty funny

HONESTLY g/t Kokichi and Dice is criminally underrated smh I'm glad someone else is thinkin bout it

But yeah huuu… before getting to the part where they dote on their giant leader I just kinda wanna think like how Kichi would react to that… cuz you know how in one of his fte's he said that they'd be better off without him/wouldn't care if he died (? Something along those lines ?) Like in this situation he'd still think they wouldn't want him around. so I'm thinking if he suddenly grew big-mean-villain-sized, he'd prolly like just up and run off to hide somewhere. I just love to think that even he doesn't show it and still acts like a fckin cloWn around others, giant kichi feels like a big ugly scary monster and would rather stay on his own than let anyone near him, and that could work with most of his classmates they wouldn't really care enough to try and get close to him so he thinks even his dice group would be the same but holly heck no they absolutely wouldn't leave him alone gosh that's so cute

Hhehehehhheez imagine the scene bro,,, Kokichi wakes up in the middle of the night with his body screaming in pain he feels weird and uncomfortable and it's like chains r tugging at his limbs to rip them off and it's awful and all and he's curled in on himself breathing raggedly flinching his eyes shut, when the pain subsides he looks around and chaos meets him, there's debris all over and below him and he's seeing everything from a helicopter pov but his feet still meet the ground. it's like he's a kid in the middle of a doll town except there are living people in this little doll town and it's terrifying and he has no idea what to do but he reaches down with shaky hands to see if anyone got caught and hurt in the mess he did, when he sees that no one got injured -or worse- it does little to calm him down. if he doesn't get away immediately someone will come and see him like that- then an image pops in his mind of his dice group standing at his feet with their necks craned up looking at him in horror before running off. he doesn't want to see that, he doesn't want the people he loves the most to leave and he won't let that happen so he runs to hide from them.

And he's a criminal genius and used to hiding and deceiving people so when he goes to a remote location he doesn't even think anyone could possibly find him- he knows dice will try but he knows each and every single one of them better than they know themselves, he can think ten steps ahead of them so they can't catch up to him. They'll get tired of looking and leave him alone and it'll be for the best for everyone. Yet they baffle him when they find him after a while- later they tell him that it's because they too know him better than he knows himself and know how he thinks when he's distressed, but at the very moment they find him their first reaction is discomfort and skepticism 😔 they aren't sure if this giant boy really is their Kokichi maybe someone is trying to cause havoc in their group, but if he really is Kokichi then they don't want to leave alone,,, like this. They're a lil unsure but they try to talk to him understand what happened. And Kokichi feels satisfied that he was right and they're afraid and they don't want to see him but that satisfaction is a bitter lie he's telling himself as comfort but the truth his that he doesn't want to see them like this so he keeps trying to push them away

But dice slowly sees past the bitterness and recognizes Kokichi's distrust and paranoia and their own distrust melts away and leaves room for relief. They slowly shift from interrogatory to fussing over their giant leader for running off without a warning n leaving them so worried. But they know Kichi won't believe their concern for him and if they try to be too supportive too suddenly he'll get paranoid and push them away thinking they're tricking him even if they only want to help, so they'll agree to move things slow nd gentle with their scared giant leader.

See the uhee afro guy? yea he kinda looks like second in command and kinda serious and professional (as professional as a criminal harlequin with an afro can be) I can kinda see him being the most collected in the situation and the first dice member Kichi feels a lil comfortable around- he likes to see him lead the group and keep his head cool in such crazy situation it's comforting normalcy. And the uh gal with super long hair who's curled up in the back on that dice group pic? (The one who for some obscure reason is the fandom fave) like yea she looks like the youngest member I can see her being kinda playful n affectionate and be all over Kokichi always climbing on him nestled in his hair or poking him around nd clinging to him and joking and playing around and Kokichi hates it cuz all that love and acceptance has to be a lie, no one can trust Kokichi Ouma when he's a short whimpy high school boy and no one could ever possiblity trust Kokichi Ouma when he's a giant monster who can hold human lives in the palm of his hand.

One thing dice agrees on is to never leave Kokichi completely alone- they know he'll try to leave again if he finds the occasion so they make sure to keep an eye on him (they also obviously want to keep him company in these trying times) and Kokichi can see that effort to keep him put and he doesn't like it. he doesn't like how they're pushing it with their lie of caring about him and wanting to be around him. he could leave if he really wanted to but somewhere buried deep in him he still longs for their company and comfort even if he's afraid of their betrayal- but he's really desperate so even if it's risky he trusts them just a little to stay with him and goodness, of course they don't disappoint.

No matter what happens after that and no matter how long he stays like that (even if it's forever irreversible) dice is sticking with their leader. they push and prod him around to go back to their routine and drag him to go make new pranks- it's a little hard to adjust to his new size but they do their best to work around it and even make use of it to pull the craziest stunts. all in all they do whatever they can to get Kokichi to be comfortable with them and with himself and they're there for him like he was always there for them cuz he loves them and they all love him too and no matter how hard it's to get through to him they'll show him their honesty n loyalty and prove he can trust them and gosh im not into the whole power of love shtick but let the boy be happy dang it!!

Haha and of course there's the flips side of shrinking ouma and dice,,, but the world isn't ready for that discussion yet.

[the118firefam]

Despair (15×18) Episode Rant :

SPOILERS SPOILERS

- absolutely loved how dean just immediately jumped in to protect jack, "we're not giving up on you" it proves how whatever dean was doing, he was clouded by his hate of chuck and he just let himself be manipulated by that. plus, obviously, how he hurt billie just because she wanted to take jack away. i don't know why people aren't talking about how this was a clear change in the dynamic between the two (or maybe a restoring of what had been blurred?)

- SAM AND DEAN'S CONVERSATION in the bunker was so well-written and im so glad dean accepted what he did was wrong and how he let his hatred and anger control him and that was not cool (? idk which word to use). and how sam was still not ready to give up his hope - they had to find another way.

- i could see such a clear and distinct difference between this charlie and our charlie. like, this charlie was comparitively very closed-off and you could see how the brother-sister dynamic did not exist between her and the winchesters. i thought we were gonna get our charlie back, too? but i still do love au!charlie, and im glad we got to see more of her character and personality in this episode.

- cas and jack's conversation 🥺 it was p e r f e c t. the whole "we love you for you" has been long time coming for each of tfw2.0 and im really glad at least jack got to hear it because you could see in that see that he's just a fucking kid and he has to feel this huge burden and piles of guilt of how he destroyed everything and how he doesn't know what things mean for him anymore. cas was such a supportive father in that scene and as i said, the speech was perfect. jack crying and saying "im scared, cas" was gut-wrenching i am so sad for my baby

- my heart just stopped when eileen stopped typing. that was the moment i started sobbing. sam was so, so happy and he just lost it, in the blink of an eye. the broken look in his eyes when he found her phone and the lil crack in his voice, oh my god it killed me. i literally just want sam to scream for ten minutes, i wanna see his rage and his anger and his frustration because he didn't ask for this and he's honestly so, so fucking tired.

on a side note, i really, really feel for sam in these last couple of episodes. he knew it might be the only chance to kill chuck but he knew it would destroy everything they've formed, the family, the home, everything and so he made a choice - the heart choice, but the correct one. i am so heartbroken for sam, equally as much as for dean and cas and i really hope he gets the happiness he deserves.

- the hug between sam and dean and sam's lil breaths because yes, dean's here, he's still here focus on him and then the way dean cupped his face to convey that very emotion. it just showed that whatever happens, he's still sammy's big brother and he's going to protect him.

- "let's go reap a reaper" omg you dramatic bitch, but that line was so powerful. goosebumps. and cas' "i'll go with you, dean" and dean's little nod (this is the first time dean's agreed isn't it?)

- donna hascum you adorable and precious bean. her "anything for you" and the completely earnest and genuine tone. she's my favorite wayward sister and she's so underrated

- sam knows he can't do much right now but he can make his kid feel better. and that's exactly what he did by asking him to drive – it gave jack some purpose, at least for a while, which he believed was lost forever. it made him feel useful. the fact that sam understands and looks out for jack even in the midst of the literal end is so beautiful

- bobby was the light of this episode, "i bought a bucket, just in case" lmao bobby 😂 i love you whatta mood having peeing as the priority

- the scene where everyone started disappearing made my heart hurt, sam's face broke me fuck, you can see the literal moment when he realises what is happening it's so heartbreaking

- ok what was that scene with donna and jack and the plant? why was jack so shocked that the plant died, what was happening there? someone help me out!

- now let's move to dean and cas.

the line "stop killing my people!" hit me so hard oh fuck

dean's lil protective stance for cas, wholesome 🥺

billie was a bamf. iknow they were the villain but d a m n the power

"i've got you" akshhsjsjsjsjsksksks

now the confession. oh my god. fuck. chills. gave me so many chills. i was just hugging my laptop and sobbing. cas saying "i cared about the whole because you cared" and someone finally telling dean that he's driven by love and not anger was SO NEEDED "you changed me, dean" (the parallels during this entire episode 😩😩😩) and dean's reactions oh fuck. you could see the changes so clearly idk why people thought jensen's reaction was not a reaction. dean is an emotionally repressed man who is told by his best friend that he made a deal that could kill him and then proceeds to talk about happiness which sounds awful much like a goodbye and then tells him he's in love with him. you really think dean would've processed all of that information in the span of three minutes? i wouldn't have processed it– i didn't process it.

- THE HANDPRINT 😭😭😭😭

- dean ignoring sam's calls and just sobbing was so raw and the fact that they didn't add any music to it was a nice call because it just made the scene more real.

- EARTH IS EMPTY WHAT? everyone's gone?????? what the fuck!!!!! it's only jack, sam and dean now? and michael AKDHJSJSJSJ

speight and berens did a good job

[freakygirlie]

Walker- 1x04 ~spoilers~

I know i’ve said this a dozen times...but Walker just keeps getting better and better and better! With every. single. episode. I loved everything about this episode so much and again! Jared live-tweeting it was the best!!! I watched this episode at 3 am lats night again help.

~spoilers~ last warning!!!

OK SO CRDIREZ BEAUTY EPISODE!!! YES! I loved loved loved loved the development of their friendship in this episode SO MUCH! 

First scene Cordirez and them badass rangers catching bad guys together YES!!! Walker trying to find out Micki’s middle name is so cute pls. 

I really enjoyed the case they worked here as well. It was both deep and emotional and that twist! YEPPPP SIGN ME UP.

THE BAR SCENE WITH WALKER AND MICKI. AGAIN THEIR FRIENDSHIP! The episode title fit so well here and I’m glad Micki and Walker have really reached a good understanding on a friend and partner level. THEY\RE THE CUTEST PLEASE I LOVE THEM. 

‘‘walker where’s my drink’‘ ok every word micki and cordell exchanged with each other was the best??? 

WALKER AND HIS KIDS AND BROTHER UNPACKING TOGETHER!!! I asolutely adore their relatioship. AUGUST IN THAT BLUE HAIR AND SUNGLASSES DHJHHF AUGUST I FUCKING LOVE YOU CAN I ADOPT YOU.

I really adored the tiny exchange between Stella and Walker. Speaks volumes of how much they’ve progressed since the pilot. Walker and Stella’s dynamic I ADORE so seeing them at really good terms is just beautiful.

Annnddd now August is being the rebellious kid. 

I’m glad they brought up Belle’s case here as well bc i thought they’d completely overshadowed it. STELLA AND BELLE ARE SO CUTE! I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THEM

OK NOW IK I SHIP CORDIREZ TOO BUT I SHIP TRICKI TOO. GOD.

They are so so so CUTE WITH EACH OTHER AND TREY IS JUST THE BEST I LOVE HIMMMM. 

Micki is such an epic artist??? HOLY SHIT GIRL HOW MUCH TALENT DO YOU HAVE HIDDEN IN THERE.

Micki and Walker working the case ‘off the books’! YES PARTNERS IN CRIME. or well soving crime. i didn’t like monty shaw too much anyways...idk bad vibes. WALKER DEFENDING MICKI AND SAYING SHE CAN FEND FOR HERSELF. I COMBUSTED.

THE CORPSE LADY WAS THE SAME ONE FROM SUPERNATURAL’S NIGHTMARE 1X14. HOLY SHIT.

*sigh* The Harlan Family. Classic Rich People.

‘‘can we keep this one off the books’‘ ‘‘OFF THE BOOKS???’‘ ‘‘are you kidding me off the books is my middle name. Just kidding it’s Beauregard what’s yours’‘ HHAHAH NICE TRY WALKER I LAUGHED SO HARD THEY’RE ADORABLE.

Cordell Beauregard Walker- such a fucking handful!

THE INTERROGATION SCENE. WHEN THAT GIRL WINKED AT WALKER AND HE JUST FLINCHED AND TURNED AROUND LMAO. WALKER WHAT HAVENT U HAD PPL HIT ON U BEFORE.

‘‘You got it ranger rick!’‘ PLSJJCDDFJFD. ‘‘that was so satisfying’‘ same micki same.

‘MICHELLE FLORIANA’‘ WOW??? I LOVE IT.

ALSO MUSKRAT! ADORABLE SO ADORABLE I WANT CORDELL TO CALL MICKI MUSKRAT ALL THE DAMN TIME.

‘‘on a scale from micki to muskrat where am i’‘ ‘‘floriana’‘ THAT LOOK THO.  HSHSHSHS DONT WORRY WALKER YOU’LL GET THERE.

-I love how this show is really taking the time to address the difficulties someone like Micki- A Female Latina would go through- the sexism, blatant disrespect and disregard. Micki’s character is also something that’s very well written and acted(Lindsey ily) and portrayed extremely well. One of my favorite things about Walker is how he really trusts Micki, views her as an equal, and wants to earn her trust, not demand it. It’s perfect(cordirez breakdown time). Micki is also slowly letting her fences down around him and it’s a huge and very delightful to see step. I love and adore their friendship and chemistry so much. 

MICKI SPEAKING IN SPANISH IS AN OFFICIAL TURN ON FOR ME BYE.

ALL OF THEM SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!! NOT JUST CORDIREZ BUT TREY TOO! WALKER AND TREY MEETING TOGETHER WHEN.

Trey is such an amazing boyfriend truly! THE TOWEL ON HIS SHOULDERS DJSFDJFD AND AH THE COMIC MICKI DREW??/ ADORABLE. Also love how encouraging and supportive Trey is. The men in this show are the best.

LIAM AND WALKER SCENE. I love their dynamic too and i wanna see moreee. Also more micki and liam scenes yes please.

‘‘thanks brother very supportive’‘ i sobbed when he called him brother. i just. *screams*

Ok so Abby and Bonham really had a bad falling out huh. Abby was in an affair with someone who still misses her??? Damn, can’t wait to see how this one progresses. ALSO WALKER FINDING THAT LETTER FROM GARY TO ABBY IN THE BASEMENT I FREAKEDDD,

THE ADDRESS. ON THE LETTER. IS THE SAME. AS THE LOCATION. OF JENSEN’S BREWERY. THE SAME BREWERY. WHO’S FIRST KEG OF BEER. WAS GIVEN TO JARED. BY JENSEN. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. HELP. HELP. HELP. NOT ME HAVING A J2 BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDST OF A WALKER EP AT 5 AM IN THE MORNING.

Aight so August and Ruby is a biG NO OK. Like idk idk idk just idk.

WALKER HAD AN AFFAIR(after emily so ok but still) WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHILE UNDERCOVER??? WAS IT JUST UNDERCOVER OR REAL??? I NEED ANSWERS STAT.

THE PHONE THAT WALKER HAD. ONE OF THE CONTACTS WAS WINCHESTER AUTO. W I N C H E S T E R  A U T O. Jensen coming to the show owning this shop and Walker going to him to get his car fixed when Jared Padalecki.

MICKI AND CORDELL(AND TREY!) SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!!

‘‘micki gives a play by play of the security footage’‘ ‘‘we’re watching the same thing micki’‘ *bitchface* PLS I LOVE THEM.

Holy shit Mrs. Harlan having an affair with Monty??? ENZO BEING BOB’S SON??? HOT DAMN THE CASE CONTINUES. Again. LOVE THE WORK/FAMILY BALANCE.

OK OK SO THE SCENE IN WHICH MICKI AND WALKER CONFRONT SHAW AND THE LOOKS THEY GIVE EACH OTHER BEFORE MICKI GETS IN THE CAR WITH SHAW WHEN THE MUSIC STARTS PLAYING!!! YES. YES. MY SOULFOOD.

I loved the way they worked it out. Phonecall, recording everything, THEM PARTNERING AND WORKING IT OUT SO BEAUTIFULLY I NEED SO MANY MORE CORDIREZ CENTRIC EPS YALL DONT EVEN KNOW.

‘‘walker! bulldog it!!’‘ HSHJDSHDSJ YES.

PLS I SCREAMED WHEN SHAW PULLED THE GUN ON MICKI.

BUT SHE IS SUCH A FUCKING QUEEN BADASS I LOVE HER.

Success!!!! The Micki and Walker and Larry scene at the end was so cute! I like how they’re actually invested in their jobs and want to do good it’s so heartwarming.

WALKER CALLING TREY TO FIND OUT MICKI’S FAV THINGS!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Also I genuinely love that Trey wasn’t weirded out by it or jealous or anything.  Can’t wait to see them interact I NEED IT!.

‘‘thanks for believing in me’‘ ‘‘i didnt. i trusted you.’’ HELP STOP MY FEELS.

‘‘thanks beau’‘ don’t mention it flor’‘ I DIED I DIED I DIED. MICKI AND WALKER I LOVE YOU. JKSJD MICKI WARMING UP TO THE MIDDLE NAME. THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST.

That last scene with Walker and his mom was so touching. Walker’s relationship with his parents is so sweet. His mom hugging him and comforting him when Walker said he missed emily so much *cries* I just wanna hold him please. 

August being worried for his father’s happiness I JUST. YOU SWEET BOY. I really think messaging Twyla was a baaaaddd move though.

WALKER AND AUGUST SELFIE. The way Walker so easily just picked his son and brought him to him, made him family photographer and that scene. THE BEST. 

I genuinely don’t think anything happened between Twyla and Walker. But we’ll have to see.

oKAY SO. Captain James??? It’s just an on and off thing. Do I trust him? Do i don’t? Why did he take those surveillance vids out??? I trust Liam with it and i’m glad he’s looking into it and all. Hopefully it doesn’t backfire badly. I have a very bad feeling that James had something to do with Emily’s death.

THAT STELLA AND BELLE INTERACTION. SO CUTE. Stella giving that jar of jame to try and make up and Belle being all cute and funny I love them. For a sec i was so scared Belle might yell at her but I’m very happy to see that they’re going strong despite all the circumstances- Belle’s parent’s deportation.

ALSO TREVOR IS SO HOT??? I like him and Stella they’re cute. Stella so obviously has a huge crush on him and they ride horses so well together. HHAHAHAH THAT DANCE STELLA DID WHEN HE FOLLOWED HER ON INSTA. SO RELATABLE.

The last Tricki scene mY HEART. ‘’you wanted a hero so you drew one. then you became one’’ Micki is going to be such an inspiration I love her. And the way they interacted, Trey getting a job!!! And Micki’s excitement, THEIR HUG!!! ‘’hugging is one of my superpowers’’ TREY BARNETT I LOVE YOU.

THAT LAST SCENE WHY LEAVE IT LIKE THIS. WHAT IS HAPPENING WHY DOES WALKER OR DUKE APPARENTLY HAVE TO GO BACK.

Anyways! As you can see the entire episode was so enjoyable and I loved it. The best part of this was definitely the Cordirez friendship development and i cannot wait to see where it goes from here!

Speculation/Thoughts for Episode 5:- So it’s for sure that Walker is going back undercover as Duke who’s a baseball...person? Idk he was wearing a baseball hat so :) Walker’s past is now very much mixed in with his present and I AM SCARED. What he’s doing is yet to be revealed but Tywla is coming back and that will just. mess. things. up. The scene in which Walker is yelling at August GOD SO NOT READY FOR THAT. It feels like him and his kids might go back to how they were before. I really don’t want that to happen. Also why am I expecting a major cliffhanger. 

HEY BUT THERE’S SHIRTLESS WALKER AND! MICKI RIDING THAT MECHANICAL HORSE IN A BAR OR SMTH AND MORE INSIGHT INTO WHAT TREY IS DOING SO IM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

And it’s going on hiatus. Idk how to deal with that. :(

[galaxy-bread345]

Part Two: Time Heals All Wounds

This is the second part to my analysis of Jak/ Keira’s relationship. More is under the cut but remember this is a examination of a fictional relationship. It is by no means an attempt to bash one ships so read it at your own caution. 

This one is definitely going to be long because its messy as hell. There are six?scenes in this game that include Jak and Keira interacting and the emotions are all over the place. Particularly because of the stupid love triangle they try to create between Jak, Keira, and Ashelin and because nothing actually gets resolved between them. 

When Jak and Daxter first interact with Keira  they don’t realize its her and neither does she. This is a personal gripe of mine because its very obvious to the player that its Keira. She wouldn’t have recognized Jak’s voice because when she knew him he was nonverbal.  Jak or at the very least Daxter should have recognized her voice though. It didn’t change, she still has the same tone and speech pattern as she did in the first game. So finding a person who sounds like the girl they knew back home, who is a mechanic.....working on zoomers....... should have keyed them that this is Keira. I can be lenant on Jak because he did spend two years in jail and having PTSD can cause memory issues so his memory of her might have faded. Tbh, I’m surprised Daxter didn’t become suspicious of her and try to go behind the curtain regardless of the secret vehicle project. He’s never been one to listen to authority and its not gonna stop at a cute sounding women. There’s also a lot of conflicting emotions going on in this cutscene. Keira thinks that its just another creepy guy and wants him to stop trying to poorly flirt with her so she can work. Jak is either trying to flirt, irritated that shes being difficult, or excited over the hoverboard. At no point does she try to flirt back, she only tells him she’ll consider him for the team if he can beat her course. I don’t know why but the game tries to play this off as flirting or at the very least has Jak respond as if she did flirt. This isn’t flirting, shes compromising to get him to go away and having him respond like that is weird and ooc. They also play saxophone music over the entire cutscene to make it come off as sexy when its not. If anything its confusing because the tone of the music doesn’t match the scene. She’s not interested and he can’t read the room. We still have the same dynamic from the first game of both of them using each other to provide a service. She needs a driver and someone to test out her hoverboard. He wants to be a driver because hes working with Krew so he can further his own goals of killing the Baron and then pumps her for information when he has the chance. Right off the bat, its not a good start and it only gets worse. 

The second interaction is better in the aspect that they all finally recognize each other only because this time Daxter actually talks and Keira recognizes his voice. It implies that Keira would remember Daxter’s voice but Daxter wouldn’t remember Keira’s even though its only been two years. The player can assume from the first game that they all grew up together so this reasoning is absolute bullshit. Daxter would have recognized Keira’s voice in their first interaction and started snooping. We then have Keira react joyously to see Daxter but say “ I never thought I would be so glad to see your furry mug” which means prior to this she didn’t have a lot of feelings about him. It isn’t surprising but it just reaffirms that she never particularly cared enough about him to imagine being happy to see him. Keira barely tolerated Daxter in TPL. Shes happy to see him not because their friends but because hes a familiar face, someone to remind her of home. After this, we finally have our first real interaction between Jak and Keira and.... its not good. She appears shocked and worried over how different he is now. It never crossed her mind that the guy who kept bothering her was Jak. She isn’t as happy to see Jak as she was to see Daxter so thats got to hurt.  After Daxter briefly fills her in on what happened she informs them shes been looking everywhere for them and trying to find a way back home. What bothers me about this part is that both Daxter and Keira were running around the city trying to find everyone else. Daxter was more focused on busting Jak out cuz he was in prison but he wouldn’t have not looked for Keira. They didn’t get along at all but hes not heartless and its nice have someone you know around. So what gets me is how did these two not run into each other???!!! Keira’s an ace at zoomers and what mechanic doesn’t know how to operate her own machines? The city isn’t big enough that they would have NEVER cross paths in two years. Yeah, it might be hard locating a small creature but lets also remember Daxter  doesn’t like to get dirty which means he is going to stick to the cleaner parts of the city as much as he can. He’s also bright fuckn orange it wouldn’t be difficult to spot him considering how washed out everything is. Going off of the logic that Daxter wouldn’t recognize Keira by voice he would at the very least recognize her by her clothes. There’s hardly any difference between her design in the first game and second. Which means that by some odd chance either they never bumped into each other or Keira spent more time working on her projects then she did looking for them. She built the rift rider from SCRATCH. It must have taken ages to not only get set up in the stadium but to also find all the pieces and work out how to make a vehicle that can withstand time travel without exploding. This has never been done before and the only guidelines she has is what she remembers from seeing the first one that was degraded after being abandoned at the citadel. That is going to take a lot of work but also a lot of time considering she has to get the zoomers fixed up and operating for the race team which gives her very little time to actually search the city. Her priorities are completely out of order because she spent more time making a vehicle than she did looking for her so called friends and in those two years both of them could have died. Jak from literally being experimented on and Daxter from starvation, getting eaten, getting poached, and disease given how disgusting the city is. I know I’m ragging on her a lot but the writing for her character is piss poor. The implication that she spent more time working on the vehicle than looking for her friends bothers me. She might not have known that Jak was in jail and thats completely valid but its just another example of why her friendship with Jak is non-existent. She should have found her friends and father first then think of a way to get home. Whats the point of making the vehicle in the first place if you can’t find your father and your friends aren’t alive anymore? She could still go home but it wouldn’t be the same. 

Keira does offer to help Jak get close to Baron since its important to him which is nice since it shows she is considerate of his goals. I’m going to go into more detail later on but Keira doesn’t talk to him about what he went through. This conversation never goes back to “ hey, you’ve clearly been through shit but what specifically happened? Are you mentally ok?” cuz she knows what dark eco does to a person shes seen it first hand with Gol and Mia but we never see her really check in with him and he doesn’t offer any details to her either. 

Alright, moving onto the third interaction with the bs cat fight between Keira and Ashelin which isn’t much of a fight but rather Keira being pissy. After Jak and Daxter win the race their hanging out with Keira catching up when Ashelin comes into congratulate Jak and also thank him for helping out. Keira becomes immediately defense while Jak tries and fails to play it cool.  At this point, they are not in a relationship and its been over two years since they have interacted with each other. Neither of them knows if the other still likes them or if their feelings have changed. Keira could have dated someone and after being broken out of prison so could Jak. If Keira is going to judge Jak for liking Ashelin then he has every right to judge her for liking Erol. Ashelin and Erol are both in the Baron’s forces. Shes not stupid, she would have to be aware that Erol works for the Baron given that its literally his job and racing is something he appears to do in his off time. This is a stupid double standard and is meant to pit Keira and Ashelin against each other seeing as how their the only main female characters besides Tess who isn’t interested in Jak. Whether Keira was acting defensively because Jak was talking to another women or because it was Ashelin specifically she has no justification. Even if they were in a relationship that shouldn’t hinder his ability to talk to other women. To say that Jak shouldn’t interact with Ashelin because shes the Baron’s daughter, something Ashelin didn’t get to choose, is hypocritical when Keira is literally buddy buddy with the guy who chose to help the Baron. Ashelin makes it clear she can’t protect Jak from Erol and after this Keira should have realized her friend Erol was a threat to Jak and could have helped the Baron torture him. But nope! all we get is Daxter making a remark about Ashelin liking Jak and Keira is in jealous mode when Jak didn’t even do anything. She should be upset and asking questions about how Jak knows Erol and why hes a danger to him. She should be discussing what they want to accomplish seeing how their goals don’t perfectly align. 

At this point, a friendship has still not been established but they do care about each other in a “I know you and I obviously don’t want to see you get hurt cuz im not a complete dick”, Keira is acting like a jealous girlfriend when a RELATIONSHIP hasn’t even been established, Jak is just confused, and neither of them are discussing any problems they might have with the other and we haven’t even covered them fighting yet :)))

Their fourth interaction starts off with Jak running into Erol first who is in Keira’s workshop which means she let him in even though she knows hes a danger to Jak. Even though Jak and Keira have not gotten along at all in the game he is immediately concern for her safety because he knows how much of a danger Erol can be. Regardless of how Keria has treated him Jak still cares about her and doesn’t want to see her get hurt. He tries to tell her that Erol isn’t who she thinks he is. Yeah, hes a good racer but hes also a shit person who is helping the Baron. He has first hand experience of Erol’s cruelty and he doesn’t want Keira to suffer the same fate. Her response to this is to point out that Jak is a more aggressive person now and isn’t the same kid she knew in Sandover Beach. Jak tries to defend himself, shuts down and storms off. This entire conversation is a culmination of how bad these two are at communicating with each other and why they shouldn’t be in a relationship until they get their shit together. Kiera has: 

failed to acknowledge Jak’s traumatic experiences or ask Jak about what he has been through 

 been immediately ready to leave asap even if this means abandoning people who will most likely die in the war

 been hypocritical of who Jak associates with when she is on good terms with Erol, someone known to work for the Baron and implied to be a danger to Jak specifically 

used the fact that Jak is different due to forced experimentation as an excuse to defend Erol’s shit morals and shitty behavior  

acted like a jealous girlfriend when they aren’t even in a relationship 

Jak has: 

vaguely talked about his goals but not enough for Keira to get a clear picture of what needs to happen 

not explained how deep he is in with the Underground and Krew so he can’t just back out of it 

shown to actually give a shit about people so no hes not going to simply abandoned innocent lives even if means he will never go home 

not tried to communicate with Keira that talking about the Baron/ Erol/ his imprisonment is a sensitive topic that needs to be taken with utmost  caution

I know its easy to look at Jak being angry with Keira as him being an asshole and to think he should explain more so she understands but Daxter has already told her that he was experimented on by the Baron with dark eco. That alone is enough for her to understand this topic must be taken seriously. Yes, Jak needs to be clearer about whats currently going on but he is under no obligation to inform Keira of every little detail of what hes been through. Talking about or sharing information about traumatic experiences can be overwhelming and cause the person to have flashbacks or panic attacks. He needs to be able to discuss it at his own pace. He lashed out because hes upset and rightfully so. It is not an easy subject and if he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to her about it its probably because he doesn’t have faith that she will listen to him or he doesn’t trust her. Him ending the conversation and leaving to cool down was the best thing he could have done in this situation. They both need to fuckn communicate with each other and listen to what the other person has to say otherwise nothing will get resolved. 

Their fifth interaction leaves much to be desired because NEITHER ONE OF THEM APOLOGIZES. I would say Keira is the one who needs to do it the most because she was being an insensitive dick to him last time. Jak still needs to explain what the fuck is going on instead of getting angry when she barely knows what has happened to him but that doesn’t happen. Daxter literally tells them what they need to do. Stop moping around and make up already! For the love of God please fuckn communicate! None of the problems are addressed instead Keira tells Jak “ Your the best driver i’ve seen” and to “leave them in the dust” WHICH ISN’T AN APOLOGY!!!! SHES JUST FLATTERING HIM!!!!! The game acts as if this is a touching moment when its shallow as fuck nothing is resolved. Jak begrudgingly compliments her on the work shes done and states he will get the objects she needs but he doesn’t apologize for lashing out last time. None of the issues that they have had specifically from the last conversation have been addressed. Its glossed over and forgotten never to be brought up again. 

Not including the interaction at the portal but the last interaction they have at the end of the game we see them being all lovely dovey. Arms around the waist, she flirts with calling him a handsome hero and he tries to kiss her. Suddenly they are a okay with each other even though throughout the entire game they constantly argued, got mad at each other, once again didn’t establish a working friendship and literally showed each of them using the other for their own benefits. Keira wants to go home and Jak can help her. Jak wants to go after the Baron and Keira has information and can provide him the opportunity to get close to the Baron. Its assumed they still have crushes on each other even though they act like they cant stand each other 95% of the time. It just doesn’t make sense. 

Them being happy with each other at the end of the game is not realistic and it needs to be shown that they apologized and tried to communicate and work together. They need to have a reason to be around each other other than one of them providing a service. They need to be emotionally invested in each other. I’m sure that there are some points I could have explained better but overall these two literally can’t be in a relationship at least not a healthy one. I think Jak 2 gives the most evidence of why they shouldn’t be together romantically but i will still look over 3 and Jak X. Most of the problems these two have besides poor communication is that Keira isn’t a very well written character and they could be a functioning and healthy couple if Keira was written not only as a friend but shown to care about Jak outside of shallow attractiveness to him. Jak needs learn how to open up to people and massive amount of therapy. I don’t think its quite fair to have him open up about his trauma in this game but in later games because its just too soon. 

Last post will cover Jak 3 and Jak X and will hopefully be shorter than this one. 

Edit: Im sorry but im gonna make this a little bit longer  I said I was going to keep this as unbiased as possible so I need to include this cuz I’m judging Keira more harshly than I am Jak. I ragged on Keira a lot for not taking the time to understand Jak’s trauma so I have to do the same for Jak. Keira hasn’t suffered the same way he has but landing in Haven City with no friends, no family, and be dealt with harsh cruelty can be traumatic. Shes definitely has had a hard time with creepy people. As much as I blasted her for being friends with Erol its probably because he treated her right. In the two years shes been in the city it doesn’t sound like she made a lot of friends and only really appears to be close to Erol which leaves me to believe he went out of his way to be nice to her and get to know her. Jak doesn’t try to understand why Erol and Keira are close and it would have helped them both if he informed her that Erol was the one helping the Baron experiment on him. He also never talked to Keira about what the last two years were like for her or really check in to see if mentally shes doing okay. Hes focused on himself and his own goals which is fair but friendship is a two way street. He has to be there for Keira if he wants Keria to be there for him. As much as I sympathize for Jak, its a tight balance of respecting his mental illness/ traumatic experiences but also holding him accountable for his actions. What has happened to him is not an excuse for him to be an asshole. He has to put the work into be a better person than the people who tormented him. 

[fubukimori]

Lift-of-the-ground hug

Basicly it was going to be not longer than one page silly attempt at writing in English, but I’ve got carried away a bit ^^” This is dedicated to @crazy-bone-lady​ (Nevia belongs to her), bc she is a nice person dragged me into a bunch of cool people in my current fundom, where I was introduced to so many cool characters i would never know by myself. I really aprechciate this ^^ Since Nevia is my favorite one, I decided to write something she inqluded. I hope i didn’t mischaracter her ^^” (im also willing to write something like this with ataric but not really sure if i capable of that)

Also a reminder that I’m not an English-speaking person, so my apologies to you if you find this writing full of mistakes of different kinds (still need to figure out how to put direct speech into shape properly). I warned ya ;3

It was awfully early in the morning. Barely a few people were slumberly heading to their work places to get prepared for the daily Tower routine. Guardians are rarely wandering here that early, even commander Zavala wasn’t  here yet. Nevertheless Fubuki was already on her feet, cheerful and vivacious after a good “two hours nap” which started yesterday noon and ended just an hour ago. Deserted Tower seemed so nice and unnatural so she was just strolling around, humming random melodies and enjoying the absence of croudy guardians while looking for the perfect place to sit and crochet the shawl she’d promised to Ikora.

Passing by the lord Shaxx’s survey point and obviously finding him here, already boisterous and loud, Fubuki noticed someone on the place commander Zavala usually stood. The Warlock’s poor eyesight didn’t allow her to recognize who was that person, so she called her Ghost out to help. “Ori, who is that over there?” she asked, pointlessly squinting at the stranger. Should’ve taken her glasses. “Oh, that is Nevia. That huntress from the Crucible”.

Usually lord Shaxx doesn’t match kinderguardians like Fubuki with fabled veterans of the Crucible, but some time ago he decided to give everyone a challenge, mixing up together guardians completely randomly. Most of the youngsters immediately started complaining about unfair difficulty since they were supposed to face and fight guardians way more skilled than themselves. Fubuki on a counterverse liked the idea of the challenge, but after some matches, where opponents were literally wiping floor with her, she almost gave up and decided to avoid the Crucible this week. “Just another one and I’m done with this humiliation” she thought, heading to the Nessus special fighting arena. This time was just like the others - she died and died and died… Almost crushed enough to explode and rage quit the match, Fubuki saw an opponent Titan, already speeded up enough to smash fragile warlock against the wall with their shield bash, but suddenly she felt a firm grab at her wrist and then was pulled behind the pillar next to her. Titan’s shield bash slammed loudly against the wall. Fubuki got panicked and threw her pulse grenadine towards the Titan’s direction. Confused Defender shrinked back, but wasn’t fast enough. In a split second Fubuki saw a cloak in front of her and then a flashy sword swing. The Titan clutched his chest plate with a shaky hand then dropped dead on the ground.

“Hey!” the cloak person turned back to an unusually speechless Warlock, brushing blood off their Quickfang. “Watch out where you are daydreaming, nerd!” Huntress barked and headed forward, searching for the other enemies. Fubuki followed her since she had always been told to stick with teammates in the Crucible, especially if they were actually capable of killing others.

Huntress seemed completely unbothered by a “never asked to be” companion, she was concentrated on winning this particular match. When she went through a giant stone arch in the middle of the arena, there was an unexpected foe. Another Hunter was hiding behind, squatting with Tractor cannon. Fubuki was shadowing her, so she met with this enemy Hunter face to face, while he was attempting to finish powerless opponent. Before he managed to shoot down Fubuki in a close range, she slapped him with an Arc charge, hurting him just enough to be finished with a single shoot in the head from the Huntress’ hand cannon. A perfect team work, yet absolutely spontaneous. Fubuki placed a healing rift, recovering the Huntress from that dirty trick. “Thanks” the only thing the Huntress said, reloading her magazine. Fubuki just nodded silently.

“I see you’ve got a little friend, Nevia, hahaha! Mind you, Fubuki, Nevia is a great warrior, but a terrible teacher!” lord Shaxx had been satisfied seeing twenty kills in a row by one of his favorite Crucible fighters and was praising their duo for the last five minutes. Nevia was doing most of the work, when Fubuki was putting all the effort to support her, providing healing, Arc souls and grenades, hitting the right spot barely half of all the times. When the match was over and everyone headed to collect rewards, Fubuki finally got a chance to have a good look at her savior. She was surprisingly very short woman, an Awoken just like Fubuki herself, with a severe gaze and short shaved head. “H-hey!” Fubuki exclaimed with her voice shaking of excitement, though the frown look she gained from the Huntress made her feel chill crawling on her back. Nevia looked up and down at the Warlock and then raised her brow. “Oh, it’s you”. The Huntress had probably recognized messy Crucible Warlock’s armor colored in Metroshift which Fubuki had been wearing during the match, her gaze softened a bit. It immediately brought a delighted expression back on the Warlock’s face. “Yes, it is me, your faithful support from the last match, hahaha!” she responded with a rather high-pitched voice. That’s what she does when she is excited or nervous. “I just hope I was not bothering you”

“Nah, you did fine”

“Hope so. By the way, your name is Nevia, right? I am Fubuki, it was a pleasure to fight alongside with such skilled guardian!”

“Hah, thanks”

Seeing the Huntress wasn’t really in the mood for a chatter, the Warlock got a move on with finishing this little pep talk. “Well, we are doubtedly matching in the next one, so, um… Good luck. May the Traveler's Light shine upon thee” she made a profound bow, spreading her hands in a proper Warlock’s sign of gratitude.

“The same goes for you” Nevia raised her hand, a shadow of a smile on her face. ”See you around”

From now on, Fubuki was meeting Nevia in the Tower sometimes. Every time the Awoken met each other, Fubuki waved her hand in a greeting, Nevia responded with a simple nod. Sometimes they shared a word or two. Amicable Warlock would love to make friends with this gloomy Huntress, but she seemed not really into making friends with anyone, so Fubuki was trying hard at least don’t be obtrusive. However, being in such a good mood, she decided to make a move. Fubuki jumped in the air and glided toward Nevia. Noiselessly landed behind the short Huntress, way taller Warlock grabbed her and then lifted of the ground in a snapshot. “Heya, Nevia!” she cheery exclaimed, holding tiny Huntress on her arms. “Glad to find you here tod…”

In the next few minutes Fubuki learned several lessons. First, never ever mess with Hunters before they are finished with their morning coffee. Second, if you’d spooked them or spilled their coffee, no matter how high you can jump or how many times you cried “I’m sorry!”, you’ll get stabbed. If you’d done both, it is for sure.

Fubuki was always the one learning in a hard way.

When Ori revived her, lord Shaxx, who had seen all the scene, was still laughing, definitely already bursting in tears, if only there was no helmet on his head. Nevia was already missing. “That...wasn’t such a good idea” Ori concluded. Fubuki didn’t say a word to him, only cursed to herself in several languages.

At the end of the day Fubuki was tired and really unhappy. She still felt guilty for the morning incident, and also very stupid. “You must always think first, you stupido. Now she is probably thinking I am mental or something” she rumbled to herself, heading to the vault. “Well, guess I deserved it anyway”

“Hey”

Fubuki didn’t hear someone approaching, so a sudden voice from behind made her flinch. It was Nevia staying behind with her her arms crossed on her chest. “Oh, em… Hi” Fubuki didn’t expect the Huntress to get close to her after she pissed her off. There was an awkward silence for a moment. “That… wasn’t very wise of you. You have to make sure this won’t happen again” she said, shifting from one feet to another. “I know, I am really sorry!” Fubuki exclaimed in response. “I… I just get really childish sometimes, I really do sorry for that”

“Yeah, and I could have played it cooler” Nevia said, lifting her gaze up to the Warlock. “Dammit, why are you such a pole?”

“I… I do not know. I was like this from, well, from the very beginning” the Warlock was a little frustrated, but it seemed the Huntress wasn’t pissed off anymore. And she kinda… made an apology too?

“So, no hard feelings, right?” Nevia asked, her face was less frown than usual. “Absolutely!” Fubuki responded with a wide smile on her face. The Huntress hold out her hand, the Warlock immediately shook it. “Glad we are cool now” she said, squeezing Huntress’ smaller palm. “If you ever need help with, well, some abstruse thing or maybe will need a medical advice, you can always call me for it”

“Sure, thanks. We should go outside the Walls someday” Nevia responded with a smug smirk. “Someone is gonna teach you not daydreaming right in the middle of the battlefield”. Fubuki laughed awkwardly. The Awoken took their leave of and both went where they were planning to. The weight of the guilt finally loosed from Fubuki’s shoulders. She hates being disturbing for anyone and the fact that Nevia had let the morning incident go made her finally feel good again.

“I hope you are not thinking you are already friends, right?” Ori hovered next to her, preaching as usual. 

“We might become ones some day. She is actually nicer than she tries to look like”

“I doubt that”

“You doubt anything, little one”

[lohst-in-time]

exit82 be more chill - a written bootleg

ACT ONE

first of all i’d like to say that the cheering was not nearly as excessive as tumblr led me to believe it wasn’t that bad and i could hear all the lines so!!! comfort to y’all

*spooky theramin hell dream commence*

JERE HAD THE VOICE OF A GOD, A VERY NERDY SMALL GINGER GOD

okay but the dad though we have to admire his skill to put on his pants so quickly to go and be a bus driver

the whole time brooke chloe and jenna are having their conversation jere is just awkwardly trying to discreetly slide his hand to his locker and honestly me

also brooke just like skips everywhere it’s adorable

everyone was just glancing around at each other while rich wrote boyf on the backpack like 👀👀👀👀👀

this jake definitely did a totally different thing for his jake than jake boyd but i LOVED it and he was really great!!!

the set for this was so versatile and stuff like they turned around the lockers and BAM there’s the play signup sheet it was cool as hell

jeremy does this cute cut-off gesture on “end scene” and it’s A+

C H R I S T I N E

oh my god where do i start with christine her overalls were great, her cat stockings were great, her voice was AMAZING like honestly y’all she was a blessing

SO LIKE i was sitting right by this exit door and turns out it’s where a L O T of people enter from so michael walked in all casually with his slushy right in front of me and i was n o t p r e p a r e d

michael was acting so high during his part it was great

MICHAEL MAKES KISSY FACES AT JERE FOR THE BOYF RIENDS PART AND I MEAN IT WAS PLAYED FOR LAUGHS BUT STILL

also when jere says his whole “i hate this school” thing michael just kinda smiles and shrugs so that was NICE

i can confirm that christine signing up for the play in this production is just as extra as it was in the original production

chloe’s “i like gay people” was like really loud it was great

can yall believe im still only in the first song

also the ensemble peeps were A++ i loved them

for the scene before play rehearsal there’s a whiteboard with drama club written on it in cute lettering and it’s great

CHRISTINE IS GOD

the whole song jeremy is just watching christine with a goofy grin like heck yeah i love this human and it’s adorable i loved it so much!!

christine’s NOISES!!!!!! A++++++

at the end with the “we’re starting” christine just kept pausing at staring at the whiteboard expectantly until she turns to jere and is like “soooooon” and it was both pure and hilarious

MR REYES HAD LIKE A MULLET/PONYTAIL COMBINATION WIG THING AND IT WAS AMAZING

when mr reyes says the thing about frisbee golf this ensemble guy just goes like “yeah!!” it was great

christine looked so genuinely distraught over midsummer nightmare with zombies

also when mr reyes announces it he flips the whiteboard to reveal midsummer nightmare with zombies written in like this beautiful calligraphy it was blessed

he’s so aggressive with “THE MAN IS DEAD LET IT GO” oh my god

so in this version jake is way more just obviously hitting on christine rather than genuinely saying all the stuff about romeo and juliet and i don’t know how i feel about it but he delivered it really well so !!!!!!

the audience audibly sadly awwed when christine didn’t notice jeremy speaking

RICHARD FUCKIN GORANSKI OH MY GODNESS

the lisp is alive and well by the way

fRESHMAN YEEAR

basically the squip song was very extra i loved it

everyone was so excited at the “its from japan”

RICH JUST WIPES HIS PISS HANDS ON JEREMYS FACE AND SHIRT WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD

DODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODO

michael just deadass lights a blunt during two player game it’s hilarious

the pacman tattoo is confirmed to be on michael’s right arm i took note

MICHAEL DABBED TWICE

on the line “i wanna move on” jeremy just sorta whinily shakes michael’s arm it’s great

during the favorite person part michael just lowkey rests his head on jere’s shoulder and is promptly playfully shoved so that he falls facefirst into the two bean bags and he just sorta lays there for a bit it’s amazing

for the final chorus part thing they both just do these ridiculous karate moves and shit in the front while video game characters take off the set it’s so extra and blessed i loved it

tHERES TWO SALESPEOPLE

instead of the sideburns comment jeremy just awkwardly says “so, my chemical romance right” it was the best

when jeremy opens the shoebox michael in the background just lowkey moves his phone up in the air and takes a picture then looks really satisfied and pleased with it

press f to pay respects to jeremy’s bar mitzvah money

the squip looks just like this cool villainy dude at first but over the course of the show he slowly gets more and more squippy and villainy looking it’s so FUCKIN COOL

also when the squip first shows up little drop down things on the ceiling of the squip wire shit shows up and there’s also more big ones that show up in upgrade it’s just a cool lil thing that i liked

the squip squat-sits a lot. just a psa

AT THE “SHE WAS CHEATING ON ME” PART JEREMY STRAIGHT UP FLIPS THESE CLOTHES IN THE AIR AND FLAILS AROUND ON THE GROUND WHAT THE FUCK JEREMIAH

do you wanna ride was both uncomfortable and hilarious at the same time it was p amazing

there were these short pauses in between each “in” in pinkberry at the end it was super funny

at the end of be more chill part two when everyone sets jeremy down on the bed the squip says like “be careful with him he’s delicate”

jere: *aggressively tapping his head* hellooo are you on? mr heere: son are you talking to yourself again jere: i...guess i am mr heere: okay

from now on jeremy wears his eminem shirt AND this black coat vest thing it actually looks pretty good

at play rehearsal everyone does southern accents during their lines it’s amazing

“cough.”

JEREMY AND CHRISTINE SLOW DANCE DURING GUY I’D KINDA BE INTO THIS IS NOT A DRILL

“im sorry i don’t know why im crying” BIG MOOD JEREMIAH

“noooooooo....ot exactly”

jere is forced to make out with brooke and he clearly looks very uncomfortable and i felt so bad jvnghfkd

“that...that’s illegal” “yeah, it’s totally illegal!” SHFGJSCKISFTDYIDV

everyone highkey gasped/sadly awwed when jere said optic nerve blocking on

ACT TWO

brooke’s sexy dog costume jvndhdksj

RICH DEADASS HAS A FUCKIN BAGUETTE MACHETE I DIED

I AM IM READY FOR YOUR HALLOWEEN PARTY

“i do not understand the request” YES YOU FUCKIN DO SHUT UP TIC TAC MAN

*bathtub prop is brought onstage* FUCK IM NOT EMOTIONALLY READY-

NOT ONLY DOES JEREMY CALL HIM A LOSER BUT HE SHOVES HIM INTO THE BATHTUB TOO OH MY GOD NO

the audience reaction was INSANE people were ooing and awwing and gasping all around me and it was surreal as fuck

THIS BOY MIKEY WAS L I T E R A L L Y CHOKING BACK THE TEARS HE SOUNDED SO UPSET I CANT DESCRIBE IT ACCURATELY BUT HE SOUNDED LIKE HE WAS ACTUALLY SOBBING IT HURT ME

by the way this dude has the voice of an angel. of a god. a god angel. an angel god.

christine and jeremy’s weird noise exchange was the cutest damn thing ever

everyone in the audience sounded so sad when christine said no to going out with jeremy but i mean WE WERE SAD EVEN THOUGH MOST OF US KNEW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN

SMARTPHONE HOUR WAS HYPE AS SHIT OKAY ALSO THE DRAG REPRESENTATION WAS LIVING

they all start out in bathrobes and stuff (LIKE I ALWAYS PICTURED IT TOO I WAS INTERNALLY SCREAMING!!!) then they take them off to reveal these like shiny elastic outfits like in a zumba class or something it was amazing

BROOKE DROPPING HER PHONE THEN SCREECHING AND DIVING AFTER IT IS M Y NEW AESTHETIC

okay but when the squip walks out for the scene before pitiful children he looks like a straight up evil electronic BADASS he got Cloaks For Days (also his makeup was On Point the whole show so just sayin)

everyone in the audience made sad noises when jenna said her line about knowing everyone’s business but honestly i felt a Sad at that part

JENNA NAILED THOSE HIGH NOTES also she just deadass pulled the Mountain Dew out of her coat jvnghfk

LIGHT UP SHOES DURING PITIFUL CHILDREN THIS IS NOT A DRILL EVERYONE

THE PANTS SONG WAS AMAZING also michael was super defensive when mr heere asked if he loved jeremy like he super quickly was like “NO” i just thought it was intriguing

JERES COSTUME ON MR REYES WAS SO SMALL HIS SHIRT WAS LITERALLY A CROP TOP

during the rich flashback the play background curtain thing comes down a bit to show the flashback and then comes back up it was cool

“MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRANCE” “AAAAAAAAAAAAA”

THE KUNG FU FIGHT THING also michael still keeps jeremy in this body hug thing to keep him restrained long after he needs to be just something i noticed

during the “confession” part christine and jeremy slow dance again BUT i paid attention to michael in the background and he looked DISTRAUGHT i deadass actually saw him wipe a tear and start walking away (before coming back when jere gives her the mountain dew red) and HOLY SHIT YALL I WAS HURT

michael is just left in this pile of bodies and he literally just shouts “OH FUCK” and honestly SAME

R I C H A R D oh my god first of all this whole scene he is like just smiling his ass off in this full body cast and the lisp was super alive and everyone lost their SHIT at the totally bi part it was so great and when michael comes in he’s like so excitedly ranting about what happened that he fuckin shakes jere’s hospital bed it was great ALSO IM ALMOST POSITIVE THAT RICH WAS WEARING AN LGBT SHIRT FOR VOICES IN MY HEAD CAN SOMEONE HELP CONFIRM THIS

i have never heard so many people gasp because of a man walking onstage wearing pants

BROOKE AND CHLOE SWITCHED SHIRTS THIS IS NOT A DRILL

i was really glad that everyone including michael were so happy for jeremy and christine it was pure

im emotionally worn out that was a ride thanks for listening hope yall will be able to visually see this beauty someday

[kingofattolia]

a list of things about Star Wars: The Last Jedi

TLJ felt like watching two completely separate movies. .. .  one i deliriously LOVED and one i spit upon and shake its profane dust off my sandals

THE GOOD

“ive got an urgent message for General Hux” “YOUR REBELLION IS DOOMED” “yeah... im holding for General Hux”

it straight up took me a minute and a half of this scene to figure out this was actually the start of the movie. it felt like one of those pre-movie skits where it seems like a movie but then anthropomorphic M&Ms tell you to turn your cell phone off. was it just me or were there a LOT more comic moments in TLJ compared to almost every other star wars movie? anyway i loved it even tho it gave the movie a slight someone-made-this-while-high-on-LSD feel 

Leia USING THE FORCE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

R2 playing Luke the “you’re my only hope” recording of Leia, i almost died

FORCE SHENANIGANS. we saw more powerful, dramatic, and varied uses of the Force in TLJ than we have ever before seen in a live action media and i was L I V I N G

“you’ve closed yourself off from the Force”

Rey and Kylo’s foRCE BOND TALKING like this.. . . is so interesting .. .  and it wasn’t only Snoke doing it because they did it again after he’s dead...

Rey lifting 30 giant fricken boulders without even breaking a sweat after having one (1) single “training” session

Kylo remotely activating Anakins lightsaber

projecting himself........ across the entire galaxy. . ..

Yoda. in the former EU the Force ghosts had a non-negotiable expiration date a certain time after their deaths. Obi-Wan couldnt just come back and visit Luke forever, he faded away at some point. is this no longer true??? DOES THIS MEAN ANYONE CAN COME BACK IF THEY WANT??? why was yoda so physical even as a ghost that he could whack luke on the head

summoning lightning like alright this is a new Jedi power im adding to my arsenal

Leia’s mary poppins action

Luke vaulting across the cliff to stab fish

POE'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT he turned from a kamikaze into a leader who's able to see the big picture and walk away, im so proud

everyone..... messing with Hux...... i loved this

Snoke smacking him into the floor

Kylo smacking him into the wall

Kylo force choking him

slowly taking gun out. . . . . HES AWAKE ABORT ABORT... slowly putting gun back . . . Hux is going spend every waking moment wishing he took that shot

Finn's character arc, like what an awesome Slytherin. the contrast between him and the codebreaker 👌👌👌👌 & where he makes the choice REBEL scum 👌👌👌

LET'S GO, CHROME DOME

i cant believe Phasma died again lol. her backstory novel was SO DRAMATIC and she just dies over and over

when Kylo does that little skid out into the hallway to look for Rey

Chewy breaking down Luke's door

when Luke kisses Leia on the forehead . . . .

kylo KILLING SNOKE I AM LITERALLY SO HAPPY. I AM SO HAPPY. IM SO

this had to happen, it was so obvious but i didnt think they would actually do it, Snoke was so boring and useless, i am SO GLAD they didnt drag him out..... I AM SO HAPPY HES DEAD

it was truly awesome... i couldnt stop grinning it seeing it the 2nd time... "I CANNOT BE BETRAYED, I CANNOT BE BEATEN, I CAN SEE HIS MIND" & then he narrates the entire process of Kylo killing him i was LIVING. everyone theorized for so loooooong and so hard about what form Snoke's control over Kylo took and how it would be possible for him to break it,, , , and then he just DOES IT JUST LIKE THAT by SHEER MISDIRECTION FOLKS I AM SO ALIVE

THE TEAM UP FIGHT

i love lightsaber fights so much i would very nearly give up my critical integrity for a single awesome duel and this was,,, so awesome

when Rey drops her lightsaber to catch it again and cut that guys knees out from under him

when Snoke is cut in half and then the lightsaber rockets towards Kylo and Rey's hand SHOOTS INTO THE FRAME to catch it 👌👌👌

when Kylo takes on FOUR OF THEM AT ONCE

"THE SUPREME LEADER IS DEAD" "long live. . . the supreme leader .. "

not gonna lie, i am such a huge fan of supreme leader!Kylo. CAN HE EVEN LEAD ANYONE??? DOES HE HAVE THE CAPABILITY?? HONESTLY WHAT DOES HE WANT TO DO? WHAT WILL HIS SELF-DIRECTED MISSION BE? VADER NEVER GOT TO BE ANYTHING BUT AN ATTACK DOG, WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING TO HAPPEN

I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA BUT IM SO HYPE TO FIND OUT

THIS IS BRAND NEW

"finn! rose! you're not dead! where's my droid"

the little slave kids from Canto Bight. did the kid at the end use the Force to pull his broom!??!

"that library did not contain anything the girl Rey does not already possess" Yoda thinks hes so funny. REY STOLE THE LIBRARY LMAO... thanks Rey... im glad someone around here has a brain...

the Falcon swooping in to draw off the TIEs on Crait

"OH, THEY HATE THAT SHIP"

Vice Admiral Holdo's lightspeed kamikaze. . . aside from the drama of the moment & making Hux look stupid, just visually it was awesome

absolutely every single thing said by either Hux or Kylo in Kylo's command shuttle above Crait

"i want every gun we have to fire on that man"

"blow that PIECE OF JUNK oUT OF THE SKY"

when kylo's like "concentrate all fire on the speeders" and then Hux immediately shrieks "CONCENTRATE ALL FIRE ON THE SPEEDERS" and Kylo looks at him like 🤔

"do you think you got him?"

when Luke faces Kylo

WHEN LUKE FACES KYLO

this scene makes the movie for me honestly. as of now im in a state of uneasy ceasefire with TLJ and the sequel trilogy as a whole. if the scene of Luke facing Kylo did not exist, TLJ would probably be dead to me

"did you come to SAVE MY SOUL" "no."

absolutely everything about Luke was so completely epic in this scene. even though he barely said anything, even the way he stood was epic. im not sure how Hamill did this but it was everything i ever wanted

"i failed you, Ben. I'm sorry." "i'm sURE YOU ARE"

the contrast between Kylo's fighting stance and Luke's

when Luke steps out from the massive cloud and duSTS OFF HIS SHOULDER

this fills me with so much pure glee i could literally ascend

"if you strike me down in anger, i'll always be with you. like your father."

the slow, dawning horror when Kylo starts realizing Luke's not actually there

"see you around, kid"

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

my favorite line in the WHOLE THING i could Scream

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

when Rey slams the door in Kylo's face

THE BAD

Luke should have LIFTED HIS X WING OUT OF THE WATER WITH THE FORCE AT SOME POINT GOSH DARN. i knew from the moment we saw the submerged x wing that this moment was meant to happen.... but then it DIDN’T. like PLEASE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD I NEED TO SEE THIS

the casino subplot. . .  it was awesome for Finns character development but couldn’t he have developed character over an actually materially relevant story arc.. . .

BB-8 didn’t fight Dark BB-8 like what the hell honestly

for what earthly reason does Kylo need to wear his pants up to his armpits. is he TRYING to look like a doofus

why wasn't Lando the master codebreaker. like quite frankly, give me one good reason. why. no. there are no good reasons. when is Lando going to come into it you cowards

honestly....... what the FRICK was that horrible backstory behind what caused Kylo to turn

WHAT THE FRICK

im trying to keep my cool but this is a huge, enormous, and vital problem i have with this movie and whoever came up with that should be shot

Luke, in a brief moment of insanity, ignited his lightsaber over his sleeping nephew's bed to assassinate him because of a vision

LUKE SKYWALKER the guy who wouldnt believe that DARTH VADER, ENSLAVER OF WORLDS, SLAUGHTERER OF CHILDREN, MASS MURDERER OF THOUSANDS, was a lost cause and who refused to kill him, TRIED TO KILL HIS APPRENTICE IN HIS SLEEP

like... do you see my problem?

character assassination. it is ludicrously greater-than-Anakin Skywalker levels of overreaction to a Force premonition that Luke would see a vision of darkness and instantly move to slice his sleeping, defenseless nephew in half, and even in Luke's version of the story Luke is legitimatly the bad guy. he brought about the future he was afraid of, just like Anakin

because of this background, every interpretation is blown wide open to reasonably see Kylo as the victim and Luke's actions as those of a villain. of course he had to defend himself? it's legitimately possible to construe the subsequent killing of the other students as self-defense as well. if they wake up to find Ben having "killed" Luke? anything could have happened, Kylo could honestly have done barely anything bad up to this point and have been driven to the dark side on that one night

it's going to take.... so much work.... to walk this back. obviously Kylo's a villain now, because of what he's chosen to do since then, but for Luke to come out of this not looking like trash, they would have to provide SO MUCH more backstory including the "dark" things Kylo had done to make Luke suspect him, and have him probably be actively seeking darkness while under Luke's tutelage. and then Luke still seems like a fool and a betrayor

maybe they WANT Luke to come off as a legitimately bad person? i've seen some interpretations of TLJ as tearing down "legends" by showing everyone as flawed people, teaching the lesson of not deifying people to Rey AND the audience as well. if thats true and they actually want me to believe Luke is not worth believing in, i'm sorry but i reject that

luke skywalker is not a bad person

rey said "you didnt fail Kylo, Kylo failed you" WHICH... its true that Kylo failed in all his actions after this. but if this is the unmitigated truth about what happened that day, Luke definitely failed Kylo, thats not really arguable

i spit this backstory out of my mouth and stomp on it

bye felicia

"the legacy of the jedi is failure and hypocrisy. at the height of their power they allowed darth sidious to come to power and wipe them out" ok true. "it was a jedi master who was responsible for the training and creation of darth vader" YOU TAKE THAT BACK

a related point..... Luke is a coward.

i'm not saying that the only kind of Luke i would accept is HEROIC LEGEND LUKE WHO BURSTS FORTH FROM HIS ISOLATION AND SINGLE HANDEDLY DEVASTATES THE FIRST ORDER. but at the same time, his isolation is NOT in any way comparable to Obi-Wan's. "i came here to die" ok buddy.

dying is all well and good, hiding from your failures, being broken for a while after taking a hit like that

what i am NOT able to forgive is how he abandoned Leia

???? the frick???

"so many losses, i can't take any more" "sure you can" STORY OF LEIA'S LIFE

"im from the resistance, your sister Leia sent me" boy when she says jump you better say "how high?" honestly YOU OWE IT AT LEAST TO YOUR GUILT TO DO THAT FOR HER

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE? SHE'S ON HER OWN DEALING WITH EVERY PROBLEM IN THE WHOLE GALAXY AND HE'S DOING WHAT? YOU'RE TELLING ME LUKE WOULD HAVE ABANDONED HIS SISTER LIKE THAT??? AND WHEN SHE SPECIFICALLY ASKS FOR HIM HE SAYS "no frick u" ?!?!?

if that's Luke Skywalker then Luke Skywalker is a useless coward

that is not Luke Skywalker

honestly everything Rey said was spot on "Leia sent me here with hope. if she's wrong then she deserves to know why. we all do"

the overall thesis of the sequel trilogy seems to be "there's no point to any of this"

a powerful student turns to the dark side and destroys the Jedi Order. an authoritarian regime destroys the republic and takes over. a small band of resistance fighters rallies against great odds. a Force sensitive from a desert planet teaches herself the Force from old Jedi books after her teacher evaporates into the Force after teaching like 1 lesson. everyone Leia loves dies

guys... i'm tired

it's just exhausting. what is the point? in the sequel trilogy we've seen the republic destroyed, the resistance decimated and harried from place to place until theyre down to 12 people on the millennium falcom. there's only one movie left. they're going to come back from nothing and destroy the first order and then smile at each other in the ashes?

why?>??? what are they going to do? build a republic again? is rey going to build a new jedi order? we've seen how that worked out

there's nothing to believe in here. HOPE is such a strong theme in the sequel trilogy. "as long as there's light we've got a chance" "leia sent me here with hope" "the galaxy has lost its hope, the spark is out." "hope is like the sun, if you only believe in it when you can see it you'll never make it through the night." like good grief. constantly hammering on the need to have hope, but WHY?

what's the point of defeating the imperials, spending your life trying to build something good in the galaxy, trying to build a family, when you're only going to have to do it all again in your old age, when everyone you love is dead?

i cant see any hope if this is the ending for the OT characters, so i powerfully struggle to care about and cheer for Rey, Poe, and Finn. what's the point in anything they're doing? what's the point in the sacrifices they're making? it might turn out just exactly like it did for Luke, Leia, and Han, spending their old age in loneliness, sorrow, and violence

if this is the way history repeats itself, you probably should just make out like the stuttering codebreaker. "dont join"

[faltermoth]

My Unrestricted Opinions on Stranger Things 2

linking @capthawkeye as requested, im sorry this turned into such a rant :’)

First off, i loved the 80′s vibe in the first season and i still love it now its so damn good. One of those things i never knew i needed until i saw it. Like the theme song has to be one of my favorites of all time, it just captures the essence of the show so perfectly god dAMN. 

But before i talk about the rest of the  Good Shit i gotta get some stuff off my chest about this cause oooOOOHHHHH boy there was some weird shit with this season.

Problem #1.

Max served no purpose. I kept waiting for her and billy to like,,,,, do something??? Like max kinda just followed the boys around, and billy was an antagonist to steve, but like, for what purpose?? Its not even that i dont like them, its more that i dont care about them cause we weren’t given any reason to care about them. So if anything, i really hope season 3 does something about that

Problem #2.

Mike didnt do shit in this season either. I really liked his character in season 1, but in this one, anything having to do with him or his development involved him pining over eleven or some shit, and that was fine and all, it served a purpose, but i would have liked to see a little more of his development with other characters too. Like the scene where he talked with will, that was GOOD SHIT, i wish there was more stuff like that.

Problem #3.

The entire plot line with dart. HoLy FuCK. Dustin what the fUCK? Why are you keeping this horrifying lamprey-pollywog thing????????? Did you not learn your lesson about weird creature bullshit from last year? especially after you watched it sprout fucking LEGS out of the sides of its body??????? that shit aint natural!! And what the fuck are the chances of discovering a new species of that complexity in the middle of god damn iNDIANA? Amazon rain forest, i could see. Galapagos islands? For sure. But BOY sure as hell not in the middle of the US of A. But for the sake of argument, lets say he just got real excited and weirdly attached to dart (Which i know is what they were going for, but god damn that decimated the ever-loving shit out of my suspension of disbelief). So Will, obviously aware of the fact that he spit up a worm boy that looked suspiciously similar to  dart. They even show us a got dang flashback. WHY THIS BITCH AINT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT UNTIL ITS TOO GOD DAMN LATE?????????? ooooOOOHhh that really salted my apples, like i blame that shit 100% more on will than i do on dustin. And in the last episode where dustin meets full grown dart in the tunnels and then…..,,,, i dont even know what the fuck happened? ??? ? I thought the demodogs were a part of the hive-mind? Why was dart exempt from this? Like he physically should have not been able to break from the hive mind, heckin WILL could barely break from it. My ONLY guess is that Dustin left a bit of imprinting on dart as a baby worm, but like even thats a bit of a stretch for me.

Problem #4.

Love triangles. Ive never been a fan of them, and i likely never will.

Problem #5.

The overall ost for this season was not as impressive to me as the first season’s. Like i remember specific tracks from scenes in the first season, but i didnt get any of that with this one. It wasn’t bad by any means, but it definitely wasn’t that memorable.

Problem #6.

Ok, i fully realize this is 1 000 000% a me problem, but fuck this show for getting the Stalker Song stuck in my head. Now dont get me wrong, i absolutely adore The Police, theyre one of my favourite bands, but oooohhhhhhhhhHHHHHHH why is their most popular song Every Breath You Take? I remember when my mom first showed me that ear blood and she told me how it was mega popular when she was in highschool, and it would always be played as a slow song at the dances and i was astounded by this????? Its about this dude’s creepy stalker-attachment to a girl and ahhhh?????????? why was that a good candidate for slow dance music? Also i just think it sounds like shit, especially compared to their other stuff (actually i hate their entire Synchronicity album but thats completely unrelated to this). So knowing all this, i remember sitting there watching the snow ball scene and then it dawned on me that it would 100% be a possibility that  the stalker song could play, and when it did i think i died a little bit. Like y’all couldn’t have played Every Little Thing She does is Magic??? thats the real good shit, not this schloppy garbage. The ONLY redeeming quality to this choice in song was that it acted as a really nice duality to the fact that the shadow monster is also watching every move they make as the lyrics suggest, which i thought definitely fit the song very nicely.

Ok now that i got that all out of the way i can talk about the Good Stuff

 First off, id like to just acknowledge the fact that all these kids are such good actors? like holy shit, especially millie, so god damn talented, im crying

Every scene with Hopper and eleven were so good. Their character dynamic was so good. They played off each other spectacularly, and i hope we get more in season 3. Like they were hands down the best part of this season for me, no questions asked. The scene with eleven’s psychic tantrum was my absolute favourite, it was shot so well, the dialogue was perfect, you could understand  why both of them were so rightfully upset, i just loved it.

Another spectacular scene this season was the one where joyce plays back the footage will took halloween night, and she sees the shadow monster outlined in the static of the tv screen. holy shit did that blow my mind. Gave me the same feeling as her communicating to will through the christmas lights last season, pure gold.

I also continued to enjoy all the dnd analogies they used, like True Sight was such a good metaphor for what they thought will was experiencing.

Just the entirety of episode seven honestly.

STEVE what a good father of five, i really loved his turn of character in the last season and he is such a wholesome person and im glad he and nancy broke up cause fuck nancy, she served a purpose but i never liked her character, she dont deserve steve.

I also was really not expecting to like bob as much as i did. he was just such a good-hearted person. I was also not expecting him to die. rip bob and rip joyce’s sanity.

THE AESTHETIC OF THE SHADOW MONSTER WAS SO SO GOOD HOLY SHHHHHHHH and i really loved the fake out where we thought will would be the spy into the upside down, and then it turned out the shadow monster was actually using will as the spy, that was goooood shit. like when the realization hits that will set up the trap for the lab guys in the tunnels, that was so so good.

Thats about all i can think of right now, the rest of it i thought was good, just nothing that stood out like above mentioned things. I may add more if i think of any

[tonysrhodeys]

AVENGERS ENDGAME THOUGHTS

AVENGERS ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!

Having watched it twice, I can finally write down all of my thoughts. This will be long.

I was already done when I watched the opening credits. They’re beautiful.

I loved Tony and Nebula’s relationship. He’s honestly the father she never had. I’m always happy to see irondad so I was in a good mood for one second there. She let him eat. Character development and you can see the impact that he has had on her.

CAROL DANVERS SAVED TONY STARK AND I LOVE HER EVEN MORE

Steve shaved his beard because his husband was coming back home

Steve ran towards to Tony as soon as he landed. My stevetony heart was already satisfied. He just caught him. And they connected for a moment there. There’s just so much love in Steve’s eyes. They were beautiful.

Tony going off on all them (except Carol because he loves her) and they LET him! They know that they were wrong and they should have listened to him. Honestly Steve was in so much pain but he let it happen. It just showed that all they both needed was to be together. I loved that reference. Followed by Tony giving Steve the arc reactor. The entire scene was just powerful and tense. They were both in so much pain and needed to hug.

“I went for the head” yes honey! Well done!

MORGAN STARK “I’m saved” how beautiful? I just can’t with this cuteness.

Steve saying thank you. He’s actually adorable.

I just want to say thank you to Thor. It was amazing to see him with PTSD because it was shocking. He’s a god. But he lost so much I totally understood. I think people handled it terribly by turning him into a joke when it so much more than that. I just really wish that he and Tony could have had a talk. They could actually help each other. Nobody takes it seriously. They’re precious.

I have no words on Bruce.

I feel like I was the only one who didn’t hate Ronin? I mean a handful of them have all done some pretty terrible things but they’re still there. Clint was definitely harder, but he was still there. I mean I liked this kind of dark persona thing. Maybe it’s just me and my messed up taste.

“Shit”

Thank you Morgan Stark for this wonderful new way to say I love you. I love you 3000. It’s actual beauty.

THE E TRON RETURNS

The new shield! I mean my amazement in Tony will never end. Is this what was referred to in Homecoming? I mean I hope so. He’s always working on things for the team. He’s just so caring and no matter the situation he is just looking out for them. How can you devote your life to him? He is perfect.

STEVE AND TONY FORGIVENESS Steve just looked so in love with Tony the entire movie. Just stevetony at its best. They are just so adorable. It always looked like Steve wanted to say something. It’s just perfect. My ship.

“And not die trying” (not exact quote but you get it)

Also, Scott. So many Scott’s. And just a general appreaction for Scott and the rat that saved the universe. Scott eating a sandwich. Scott losing his taco and getting a new one from Bruce. Scott was just a gem okay.

A mini section of tinkering which is something I loved in the IM movies.

Ratchet.

WHATEVER IT TAKES

2012 AVENGERS okay but nostalgia hit me like a damn truck. I loved this movie so much and it was my favourite for ages because it had these amazing characters coming together to fight an amazing character. I honestly adored this movie. Seeing it was just too much. THE ICONIC ORIGINAL SIX AVENGERS CIRCLE. I wanted them to recreate it but this also worked so freaking well!

Hulk smash. Or not.

“America’s ass”

General appreciation of his ass. Tony has been checking Steve out since 2012. Steve checking himself out. This entire thing was just wonderful. I was dying. Stevetony flirting was on point.

STEVE! “Hail hydra” like yes! You don’t even need to fight because you’re just so smart! I was so proud. THAT SMIRK. He’s grown so much.

2012!Steve vs 2023!Steve. Steve is literally so done with himself and I loved it! “You’ve got to be shitting me” “I can do this all day” “yeah I know” the iconic steve line made 3000 times better. Steve is done with himself and that was just wow. I adored this! Then 2023!Steve was losing (which I don’t get because he should have become a better fighter and 2012!Steve handed him his ass) and he just used Bucky! I mean! He literally doesn’t care about this Steve at all. I am here for it. I love this. This entire scene was golden. Steve was golden.

STEVE AND TONY HAVING A MOMENT AND SCOTT THIRD WHEELING. I mean my stevetony heart was bursting. They couldn’t heart Scott because they were too busy staring into each other’s eyes. I loved the way they strategised together. Steve wasn’t even mad that Tony and Scott messes up. He’s just full with so much love. “Do you trust me” “I do”

2012!Loki STEALING MY HEART AGAIN. I was the only person just clapping my boy. I missed him so much! I loved this version of him. He was craftier. He was still just so adorable. I mean transforming into cap again. Rolling his eyes. Being the only one to see the case slide. USING HIS HEAD AND GETTING HIMSELF OUTTA THERE! I love this! I love him!

Also Thor was a sweetheart

Stephen Strange is the the best of them. I agree.

Can someone please explain to me how it was actually possible that Rocket and Bruce were the only ones to not mess up? What?

NAT! I still cried. She was the first MCU female superhero and she has been there ever since. She’s strong and powerful and the the original. I always knew it was going to be her because obviously she would beat Clint in the fight. But that scene was so difficult to watch. The way she is so prepared to die for her family. She took her last stand and I will never not be grateful and proud. She’s really come so far!

The funeral brought even more tears. It was a wonderful albeit short tribute to her. She’s the mom of the group, always picking up after her boys. I’m going to miss her so much. This legacy of women in the mcu is thanks to her. THEY WERE HER FAMILY. Thor refusing to acknowledge her death because he literally couldn’t take anymore. All of this.

Back to 1970. Steve and Tony against the world with their one (1) shared brain cell. I mean “Howard” and “Captain Stevens” SHIELD is lucky not to have them. I am glad that Tony got what he deserved, an honest conversation with his father. He just deserves the entire world.

“That’s my man” that’s my ship.

THE MCU GOLDEN TRIO GOING TO SHOW THANOS. I loved this team up. They’re just the three most powerful people I’ve ever met. I was so here for that hot second where they all fought together. It was just the three of them but my heart is with all of them.

Since when does a blow knock Tony out for that long? I was worried.

Why couldn’t Thor summon Mjolnir?

Instead Steve had to come out of hiding

BECAUSE STEVE IS FUCKING WORTHY. oh my! I was literally squealing in my seat. It was definitely one of the top moments of the entire movie. He just caught it and I could not believe it (I could, I mean of course) Thor is such a fake, as if he was not peeing his pants when Mjolnir moved a smidge in AOU. BUT OH MY GOD I LOVED STEVE SO DAMN MUCH. JUST IMMENSE PRIDE. He was just fighting THANOS on his own and he was doing so well! I was so proud. Just throwing them back and forth. Power.

And then he tightened his shield and got ready to fight that entire army and I was just like honey no. I know you’re worthy. I know you’re pretty freaking strong. But honey, you cannot take them all on. Please leave. I refuse to see you die like this. Steve I love you.

“On your left”

STEPHEN CREATING A THOUSAND PORTALS I LOVE HIM

“Avengers...assemble”

“Lexy...die” (basically)

THIS ENTIRE FIGHT SCENE MADE MY ENTIRE LIFE there was so much power and awesome in that one scene. I could not contain my excitement.

THE HUG. It was nice nice indeed

“Clint” T’Challa did care

Pepper and Tony. Tony and Strange.

ALL THE WOMEN PROTECTING QUEENS BECAUSE HE IS THEIR SON.

Carol and peter!

ALL THE WOMEN VS THE WORLD! There was so much power and strength in that moment. It was amazing to see so many female superheroes band together like that. The only thing was that Nat was missing. She deserved to be there since she was there at the start and this was basically her line. It was pretty much a tribute to her and I could manage that.

I ALMOST FORGOT WANDA TERRIFYING THANOS SO MUCH THAT HE HAD TO ORDER THEM TO FIRE I mean he pissed off the wrong woman

Also Stephen holding back all that water.

THE FINAL SCENE OF THE GOLDEN TRIO

STEPHENS BLOODY FINGER

“I...AM...IRON MAN”

And in that moment I died. I jumped straight into my grave. It was the most iconic line of the entire MCU. Just hearing him say it brought me to tears. It was the most powerful moment of the entire movie. It was all leading up that. It started with him and it ended with him. He defeated his demons and it was fucking amazing for that second. That second was just pure pride. I was just thankful.

But then came the sobs. I mean I’ve already said my piece but this is just extra because I really could go on forever. I cannot even begin to explain the literal grief I feel. I mean I’m still crying. He literally my life, my anchor, my entire world. I love him so much. It completely ended and rocked my universe to see this. It was poetic and obviously predictable but still! I mean I feel like a part of him was prepared to make that sacrifice. After the delicacy which was putting it on the dauntless the first time, are you telling me that his suit was not prepared to do this super fancy swap of stones? He was prepared. It’s just him. Tony is the person to give up his life for everyone else and it is why I love him so much. He’s got the biggest heart. He was always going to sacrifice himself to save everybody. It’s just in his blood. It’s in him. It’s what makes him him. I felt intense grief and hopeless but also immense pride. He is a true hero.

He was surrounded by the people he loved the most. Rhodey, Pepper, Morgan, Steve and Thor. It was the most intense scene. There was so much pain and anguish. He couldn’t even say a proper goodbye. His guilty smile. He had nothing to be guilt for. He singlehandedly saves the universe. He was the reason everybody was alive. He can rest. It was honestly such an important line because he would never rest unless he knew that everybody was safe. Unless he knew that people would no longer need him to save them. He needed to know that he was leaving a better world. It just made me so mad. He deserved so much better. He finally found happiness. But he couldn’t rest. I mean I’m not okay but I will be. He’s okay. He can finally rest after all of those years of pain and suffering. He can just take the good parts. He’s okay.

His speech at the end. It was to them and to us. I know. The same people who were with him during his death + Happy. The funeral itself just made me sob even harder than I was.

I LOVE YOU 3000

PROOF THAT TONY STARK HAS A HEART

Please kill me now

Everybody was there. Rhodey, Pepper, Morgan, Happy, Peter And Steve at the front. They loved him the most. God, it just broke my heart. I mean HARLEY KEENER. Thank you for coming! Nick! Must have been so hard for him to. I mean imagine what a wreck Nat would have been. She’s looked after him forever. But hey, at least they’re together now. But she’d be so mad! He was supposed to be happy.

Asguardians of the galaxy vol 3 please.

The speech. PART OF THE JOURNEY IS THE END. I mean it was RDJ’s goodbye to the MCU. He’s been here since the beginning. This era began and ended with him. He started everything and he has carried this franchise ever since. He was always there. He always stole the show. He always had my heart. He always made me happy. I literally cannot imagine more movies without him. What is the MCU without him? I mean, none of us really have any idea. He is the MCU. He is Iron Man. I’m just so grateful to have been born in a world with RDJ as Tony Stark. He will always be the best. I will always love him until the end of the time. He is my entire world.

THE END CREDITS! As if I was not crying enough. The entire movie was just a tribute to the original six and just a thank you for all the work they put in to get us here. They were the centre of the MCU and they needed a proper send off. And this was it. This movie had everything I could have ever wanted. Stevetony, avengers assemble, irondad, i am iron man, I can do this all day but 3000 times better, subtle ironstrange (friendship at the very least), cap being worthy, Loki, every character making an appearance. I honestly loved this movie. And I loved that it was for the original six. They were the main focus and I loved it. It was always about them. I am forever grateful for their hard work. Seeing RDJ at the end just made it worse.

The CLANKING OF THE ARMOUR starting and ending with him I actually can’t breathe

Just thank you MCU, Original Six Avengers, Iron Man.

I love them all 3000

(Apologies for the millions of typos that are all there)

[krakenator]

CHAPTER 13 aka “Clip-Clop”

SPOILERS are sprinkled around extremely liberally for The Property of Hate

Masterpost here

Hoofers aka dancers hahaha

GIVE US TAP DANCING RGB

Well, RGB DOES  give off static- Assok’s gotten stuck to his screen a few times. Those copper nails… this is a grounding wire thing isn’t it? I don’t know much about electronics but

the defeat. the resignation. absolutely perfect

Aw jeeezzzz im glad Assok’s situation gets addressed. Sure, you can cope with being small with limited communication and mobility when you’re on your own and set yourself a Mission to keep you occupied, but now? going to a place where everything and everyone is bigger than you, the environment is absolutely NOT made with you in mind, and oh yeah, your ability to communicate is still shot to hell? I’m frankly surprised it took Assok this long to have a meltdown

Dsgahdk and with that EVERYONE’S ended up having a temper tantrum while at Cells now. she isn’t paid enough to deal with this nonsense

RGB’s kicking up a lot less fuss over the horseshoes. Does getting nails hammering into his feet hurt less than the iron or is he tired and drama-d out for the day?

Considering I’ve managed to jam stiff wire inch-deep into the meat of my foot before I can say with authority that it HURTS

Fascinating. Assok being described as indelible also confirms past Heroes as true residents of the Make Believe.

!! this answers that question about why RGB can’t actually change his outfit

MECHSUIT ASSOK MECHSUIT ASSOK

I instantly imagine that warning siren as sounding like THIS

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE TINKER WANTS YOU TO CREDIT CREATORS!

Well hold on; I know rotoscoping is when you trace over film to animate, but i didn’t know there was a machine to do it called a rotoscope

Look at this proud dad!!

If RGB and Tailor engage in Pun Wars, RGB and Tinker engage in Petty Wars

Hero’s gotten her new amour but RGB gives her his jacket as a blanket anyway

RGB YOU AFFECTIONATE MADMAN YOU’RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF AT THIS RATE

That is…another fairy circle. Who wants to bet the chunk of sea that landed in the sea is under there! The suns slowly gonna piece itself back together huh?

Ah- I didn’t realize that when Dial steps through the door, the background is a white-out reflection of the previous page

So you could say that we are now behind the scenes

Check this out: the 3 panel page is the one where the re-lit suns sunk into the and the NEXT PAGE has one panel blacked out- incidentally, the panel where RGB is in the Black Market telling Hero that he doesn’t know if our favorite music lesbians are safe, but he hopes so

SPEAKING OF MUSIC LESBIANS HELLO MY QUEENS

HEY

SO WHEN I SAID DIAL SHOULD GO TO JAIL FOR BAD PUNS THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT

Hate really doesn’t have luck converting Heroes who aren’t Dial huh

“it was YOU who made us BE like this”? “decide what we are”? obviously Hate messed with TOby’s and Tailor’s design, but Hate has a hand in how ALL Heroes appear in this world?? interesting

is Game Over for a Hero when they come face to face with Hate and she snaps her fingers like “congratz you’re an objecthead OC now”

NOOOOOOO

EVEN WORSE- the notations for that second note Melody is a stopped note- that’s for when percussion players stop a cymbal with their hand to cut the sound out

for brass players that means shoving your hand into the bell to act as a mute.

Also both notes played at D’s, the second an octave higher indicating distress- MODMAD YOU GENIUS HOW DARE YOU

We could take this a step further on the analysis train and say that by playing a D she’s trying to call for Dial specifically. D’you think everyone gets a personalized note? Julienne, I’m sure, gets her own lovely motif

 But WOW remember the WHITE is BAD theory? Yowza. Look at this place. Julienne and Melody just got scrapped

Speakin’a, who wants to bet the reason we can’t see Hate’s dialogue is because her text+speechbubble are the same color as the background- white

Okay, and FURTHER in that theory it turns out Negative causes the same black-out effect as the market. He’s made of and/or affiliated with darkness, which is a Good Thing so far in this comic on the same level as trees and the sea… RGB teaching Hero not to be afraid of the dark gets even more significant

Gee Hero, why does modmad let you have TWO dads?

“not like they can drown” alright, so the art wives got yote into the Sea or into the depths where the Ferryman and TOby are now chilling for eternity

Wow a lot is happening in short order, Okay;

Click’s affiliated with Hate and was sent to the Market specifically to take out RGB

It’s confirmed that Dial broadcasts audio to Hate, so what’s to say RGB isn’t broadcasting visuals to Hate as well? It could explain how she’s able to see the same comic we are to track his actions, and fits well with the “going dark once he goes Nega Force”

then again, “the Story” clearly does not stay solely with RGB- it’s wandered off to check in on Madras’ chair, the Idea and snail, and to this

INTERESTINGLY on the Plains blackout- they’re surprised to see it, sure, but surprised like they’ve never seen a weird blackout like it- which is to say, like they’ve never seen a previous instance of Negative activity before

This is definitely meaty evidence for “Negative is an extremely recent development” theory. Like, “split from RGB at the Pool of Tears” recent

YIKES okay, Time is still a touchy subject for Hate

Dial also thinks that Time is chummy with RGB. We’ll have to come back to that when we meet Time in person

And, did Hate just threaten to erase him entirely? RGB and Hero get worn down to the sketch in their upcoming Elastic Valley adventures but Hate was able to do that to Dial just like THAT. White’s associated with erasure, but this implies Hate’s abilities actually directly tie into those phenomena and substances that erode this world

Mark that as another tick for “Hate bullied the sun into implosion”

Now…why does Dial’s speechbox become a perfect rectangle here?

Man, WHY DO dreams make RGB dream about himself dying in famous silent film stunts gone horribly wrong? And he’s so utterly resigned to living all this out until he wakes up that he’s just unfazed and impatient to wake up

This post handily names the films these stunts reference

a film reel runs down the page, which is... hold on

it doesn’t appear in RGB’s first dream, and is around in ABUNDANCE when he’s ambushed on the train. Add on what we’ve got so far of chapter 20, and film reels indicate memories

these stunt deaths aren’t actual memories though. this one probably just heralds the arrival of the real memory coming up shortly...

Considering the white text used here, this could be either Dial, Hate, or someone new entirely

Now this entire page is… yikes. That’s very clearly the jacket colors RGB wore in The Hook. The ONLY color we’ve ever seen in any of his dreams. This is different. His sleeves and the… orangey-yellow pattern. Knives? Is an iron involved in how he “really died”?

That’s not the way you go around picking up irons, and my default reaction to this page is “I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING BUT DON’T PUT THAT ON YOUR FACE”

This… definitely explains WHY RGB made so much more fuss over being ironed that getting freaking nails hammered into his feet

Think. Think, Gill. We recognize the sleeves, it stands to reason there is something to recognize about the orange-yellow-white pattern. Can’t think of anything to do with the shape- go color. Where have we seen orange, this bright, firey-

Fire

Fire, face, burning, scorching, white text being spoken right before POV character reaches out to put the hot iron on his FACE-

RGB is the sun

RGB IS THE SUN?

THIS IS. A LOT

I’LL COME BACK TO THIS WRITHING CAN OF WORMS LATER CAUSE ITS PROBABLY ITS OWN POST, MOVING ON

Omfgfdgd…RGB when he thinks it’s Hero dreaming on him: annoyance. RGB when he realizes it’s a bunch of randos: (YELLING, KICKING)

“its warm today” yeah its almost like 1/5 of a burning celestial body slam dunked itself into the sea to buddy up with a lost piece of itself

The only explanation is that RGB literally stuffs those inside his (HOLLOW??) chest cavity. Now please imagine those things RATTLING AROUND INSIDE HIM as he proceeds to have this upcoming Hell Of A Day

but can we focus back on HOLLOW? HAS RGB BEEN HOLLOW THIS ENTIRE TIME I JUST THOUGHT HE WAS INVISIBLE

In their darkest hour… when all hope is lost… Hero and RGB will be saved… BY ASSOK BURSTING INTO THE SCENE WEILDING A MECH SUIT

He’s in SUCH A GOOD MOOD this morning. And I DIG Tailors cape like holy cow. I want one

Yo so I just assumed on my last read that Cell attached Hero’s fingers to her own hands for Extra Dexterity, but actually, she’s molded the color/substance into balls and stuck those on the ends of black lines to make needles. Those black lines are almost definitely the outline of Hero’s fingers. And so, Cell is using Hero’s fingers to knit the [-----]… something tells me indelibility is whats allowing Cell to knit the [----] without harm to herself. Now all we have to wonder is what the final product will be

next time on TPoH, RGB and Hero exit the Market in a calm and orderly fashion