#im getting v discouraged
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
just going to be bitchy on main one last time before making myself go to bed
For real idk why the fuck I'm still bothering with my high effort location/details screenshot compilation posts when I can just make lower effort posts that get SIGNIFICANTLY more notes. Like why the fuck should I even bother to spend at least a couple hours curating screenshots for part 2 of Luis's lab details which will get a maximum of 50 notes when I could just spend like 20 minutes making a few gifs like this and get HUNDREDS of notes
#im not entitled to attention but no one is entitled to my gigantic hoard of very useful reference screenshots#i know theyre very useful bc i frequently reference them myself while writing#and the thing is i can continue to do that myself without posting any publicly :) but i thought other ppl would appreciate them too#and i know a handful of ppl do but overall idk man rn i don't feel appreciated enough to continue sinking my time into these#ill probably feel embarrassed abt breaking down publicly over smth so dumb tomorrow but that's tomorrow heather's problem#tonight heather's problem is feeling ignored by a fandom ive tried so hard to contribute and be helpful to#sorry to the ppl who do interact w and appreciate me are reading this im v thankful for yall and wouldve given up posting sooner without yal#it's still just very discouraging to see my efforts/honestly myselfvgo ignored in the fandom as a whole while other ppl get more notes#and interaction that i see on my dash all the time#idk i dont think that came out right but for rn i really need to just shut the fuck up
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
one thing to remember when reading about native plants online is the sun + moisture recommendations will be different depending on where your source is located geographically. i just read an article authored by an atlantan on white snakeroot where it says it likes partially shaded areas, but an article from my region, new england, says it likes sun or part shade. makes sense when you consider how much hotter the south is, etc.
#v#i have to remember when reading about plants in my state to not get discouraged if it says a plant likes shade or moisture#i may not be able to grow aquatic plants but baby moss grows everywhere here this is the woods.#i will probably never be able to grow eastern prickly pear cactus though. Cry.#maybe by my driveway. ill think on it for the next 10 years when im finally ready to attempt this.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
📂 - I'm so close to actually finishing a fic. I haven't finished a fic since February. victory is so near yet so far. only a few thousand more words.
#machi.txt#personal#diary#v rough tbh#i started writing it a year ago#but kept getting discouraged bc ik it wont get any attention like my other fics#but like#i like it :))#so im fine w it fading into obscurity i think#and then im still trying to write my other two series rn and the other oneshot ive been into
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
ever since the dialogue discourse dropped i've been in the biggest creativity block EVER like.. miss girl you're doin it 4 urself in the first place.. and yeah i still like it in the end when i reread,, but its just the second thoughts that make me want to tear my hair out 😭
#✧.* ʕ •ᴥ• ʔ zaria speaks#cw rant#ive always been very descriptive w my writing - as much as i could w english not bein my first language#but since i'm mainly writing just for self fulfillment and indulgence i didnt pay that much attention 2 it#like yeah there's sooo much i want to work on still but monologue wasnt rly one of these things#not on top of the list i mean#but now im like almost 1k words in and not a sentence has been spoken loool and im like :/ ehh#i have it planned out and the vision is v precise for a while now but yeah#its got me thinking but not necessarily in a good way which is frustrating because its supposed to be just a lil silly creative outing yk#there is time and place to improve and work on your skills but sometimes u just wanna let go w/out a worry in mind#n it is a bit discouraging when the flow gets all blocked up#this isnt meant to say the discourse wasnt needed cause i do think it gave some ppl insight on their work#but yeah it was a bit of a bummer lol
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
also just went to update my reading list for the year and realised I hit my reading goal for the year halfway thru! yay
#caw#i know i said all that abt lezzing out and shit but#doesnt mean you cant have like a low maintenance goal just to remind yourself to do it#its easy to forget and its more just to remind me to read than to be an actual page cruncher#like fx if you read a 800 page book thats not worse or count less than 10 15 page books#but its nice to hit small goals anyway :3#i keep my goals pretty low or in maintenance range so i dont get discouraged bc its not abt the number for me#but this is the first time ive actually hit it!#ive come close before but its v nice to actually hit#been very good at reading consistenly and taking small breaks to think it over and then find something new again#which is the habit i want to encourage#which is the point of the goal#before ive had months long dry spells where i for some reason just forget all abt it#which sometimes you do ofc bc life exams maybe or whatever but its been very nice the way im developing the habit this year so. yay#books#reading
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
desperately rereading source material bc some of yall. oh my god
I understand you like romantic pairings (and I also think they're very fun. I also partake) but can yall not completely mischaracterize someone to do it
#starting to progressively see more and more mischaracterization is discouraging :/#im not calling anyone out but like........ it's the same damn thing i seen in every fan space. i feel like.#it's frustrating to see it everywhere#and some of the stereotypes like. good lord :/#both of my last ones i had people be doin some wack ass shit with the darker one in the pairing. always#and then borderline infantalizing the 'more feminine' one#like it aint even subtle and it's fucking annoying#rereading the source material to make sure i didnt fuck up reading the character in some horrendous way bc like jesus christ#ok this is buried pretty far in the tags. it had to do with vw#someone saying 'ooh but what if ww's only gentle with v and mean to everyone else 🥺🥺🥺“ BITCH#even if you just watched stampede.... how could you possibly get that impression#literally one of his defining things is he's good with kids and loves the orphanage he came from????
1 note
·
View note
Text
:(
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#ive got sm pent up anger rn i just need to fuckling famblr a bit#a coworkert and i wanted to meet up today but they already had plans for today and said we might be able to meet nevertheless#and they'd text me when they get home so i could go to their plac e to meet them#they were busy all day and now its past 8pm. they texted me they're home not tbhj im already settled in for the night and they're#exhausted from the day so i said maybe we can postpone it to next week#which is ok. still im angry bc we basically had agreed on meeting up but they were too busy to actually manage to make the time for me ig#i feel v discouraged now bc. maybe im not that important to them??? but. before making any assum#*assumptions i'll be all grown up and talk abt w them on monday and ask them and tekll them how i feel#in the past i've often avoided conflict in relationships but no longer. i actually rly like them and i want to be their friend and be honest#w them. im just... disappointed sad and a bit angey bc. we agreed on meeting this afternoon and they couldn't manage.#ok. onto the next part. i bought a concert ticket on eventim and only realized later that a local venue also sells tickets. and now im#frothing at the mouth in qnger bc eventim is such a horrible company and i cant give the ticket back and they created an#account forv me even tho i explicetely clicked on 'proceed as a guest' so i wouldnt have to register and now these stupid mfs#ctrated an account for me w/o asking me if i wanted that!!! and i cant even get revenge by giving my ticket back and getting the money back#bc it's not an option. aaarrgghh!! i should've checked beforehand if the tickets are sold anywhere else#i feel so stupid#also i accidentelly deleted#my ofmd episides from my usb drive and now im trying to recover them despite Not being a computer/software person at all :(#i hate everything and i feel so stupiud.#accidentally deleted stuff bought from a stupid ass company w/o doing proper research first got kinda let down by a friend. stupid ass shit#day. still i shouldn't beat myself up. i'll talk to my coworker/friend on monday abt how i feel and abt how we can improve next time we#decide to meet up. i won't buy from eventim ever again and i'll delete my stupid as shit bitch account as soon as i have my ticket#(which is btw more expemsive then the one from the local seller ifhml)#and i will try to not accidentally delete files again. one time i also accidentally shredded an important document which was still needed#the document wasn't mine btw :)#anyway
0 notes
Text
I’m gonna close the askbox soon for the time being, I’m getting a little overwhelmed and there have been some recent instances that have made me feel a little uncomfortable. Vent below but fair warning I get a little critical
TL;DR: you are not entitled to my askbox responses, please do not talk at me in tumblr dms, I am not your friend, please don’t come to me seeking personal validation and please do not be parasocial with me
This may sound extreme to some of you, but I want you to know that even though my askbox is open for people to ask me questions about crk and baau, there is no guarantee that I will answer them. I am not obligated to answer everyone��s ask because at the end of the day it’s down to my comfort level and if I feel like answering a specific ask at all, and for some asks I haven’t felt like I can gain much mutual substance from it. I can hear some people out but I don’t want this blog to turn into a place where you can say anything and be guaranteed a response like this is a DM. I get overwhelmed pretty easily if I feel like I’m being talked at and not talked to. I have had instances where a single person will send me a DM or ask everytime moment I mention something they like, but saying nothing in that ask that I can make an answer to. I highly discourage this behavior for my askbox specifically, as I grow generally uncomfortable because I feel like I’m being talked at. And feeling like im being talked at and not talked to is a huge ick of mine spurred by real life experiences.
And no I am highly unlikely to post privately because I barely use that feature, and then it just goes back to feeling like a DM which I don’t want. I don’t want to open up cans of worms with my askbox. I don’t want people to flood my inbox with X reader requests simply because I answered one ask related to it, I don’t want people to flood my inbox talking about themselves and their lives because I answered a few asks related to it. I don’t want to set any more impressions than I already have, also why i have stopped answering asks like them.
I also just want to say that, to avoid fostering parasocial relationships, I hardly know most of you people, and most of you aren’t my mutuals and friends. I appreciate your support and friendliness but I have a fine line between friend and follower. I don’t make friends through DM spam where someone who i barely know and haven’t interacted with talks about themself to me. I also am not here as an approval machine to validate people’s opinions or thoughts. I feel like some people have been growing parasocial with me which is deeply unsettling. Please do not DM me with random things unless we’ve previously interacted as tumblr and especially discord friends. I only accept questions asking for help, comments about specific things related to me, and general notices about things I should be aware of, like someone stealing my art. Please don’t expect long and/or consistent conversations with me if we are not mutuals and especially if we are not friends. And please do not be someone I barely know coming to me seeking personal validation from me.
I should also add that mutual in this instance means mutual follower, not mutual friend. I see mutual on the same definition as an acquaintance in most instances. I consider us friends if both of us are calling each other friends.
So this means do not send me pictures of you or your pets. I will see it but I am very likely not going to answer.
For BAAU specific questions, I have also had people ask me about why I haven’t answered them and it goes back to A). Their questions may have already been answered previously and B, most importantly,) I don’t answer asks I don’t feel like answering. This latter point is v important to me because the last thing I want is for people to feel entitled to know certain things about my AU. I am, for the most part, a one person team working on this, and I decide what’s known and what’s not. If I feel like something isn’t worth answering for whatever reason I feel, I will not answer it. I’m saying this now to—hopefully—lessen the chance of people expecting responses from me.
Edit: However i can also not answer an ask simply because I am waiting for a good time to respond. Whether that be with a drawing or, for baau specifically, when I am ready to share lore pertaining to it.
Edit 2: I know I can respond quickly at times but the speed of my responses should not be treated as a constant, nor indicative of my interest or engagement as a whole.
Again i greatly appreciate how much support I get, and how many people are interested in my AU and what I have to say, but i want to keep the barrier between myself, my friends, and everyone else. I hope this humbles some of you and I hope you can still enjoy my blog and au as they are, but I want to say here and now that I am someone with their own comfort levels, expectations, and thoughts. I still encourage people to send in asks but I want to set the expectation that I am more likely to answer questions/comments about my au or art, and other asks where I feel like a mutual part of the discussion. But even still I can get rid of asks if I feel like they aren’t needed.
Most of you are cool people who im glad to see in my notes, comment sections, and inboxes, but I also respect people who have some consideration for myself as well. Not everyone knows what and what doesn’t make me uncomfortable which is why I’m saying this now. I hope that everyone here continues to be aware and respectful, and most importantly, patient and understanding.
If you read all of this, thank you.
71 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey, "high with Clyde" anon here (and high again, funnily enough). Smut you say? I've had a thought circulating in my mind recently. Going shopping for new clothes with Jack Thurlow and trying stuff on for him to rate while he sits all pretty on that couch they have there (y'know, that one that they have specifically for guys doing the exact same thing?) while you model for him. And for whatever reason - maybe his responses have been rather lacklustre and you want his....ahem, "enthusiasm", or maybe just cuz you're devious like that - you decide you wanna rile him up a little bit. So! At the next store, you grab like, the sluttiest outfits available unbeknownst to him, and then model them all for him, feeling all smug that he's practically drooling at you
And when he finally reaches his breaking point, the next thing you know, you got your feet behind your ears and his hand over your mouth so you don't get caught. 🤤 Idk, do with that what you might. ^^
you've done it again, anon 🙌🏽
"i get dressed to ride for you, baby." | jack thurlow
burning desire. - lana del rey
✮⋆˙ [tags] @faesucksass @lustkillers @angelsanarchy @mayathepsychic1999 @josibunn @livingdead-materialgirl@romanroyapoligist @oliviah-25@si1nful-symph0ny @auggiethecreator @vanlisbon@livingdead-reilly @imoonkiss @lankysimp @nom-nommmm1 @xxbl00d-cl0txx @k1ll3rh0rr0r @wildathevrt @mommymilkers0526 @greenxgloss @wild-rose-35 @areuirish
female!reader x jack
word count: 1.8k
contents: public sex, unprotected p in v, missionary position, creampie
“you’ve got 5 minutes to try everything on, you hear me?” jack called out as he sat on the small leather couch outside of your dressing room, brows furrowed as he crossed his arms and slumped into the seat knowing full well you were going to take your precious time trying on every single outfit. so much for a "fun" shopping trip.
inside the small room, you had an assortment of clothes in front of you, ranging from long flowy gowns to dark blue baggy jeans and designer sweaters. a top-tier selection of clothes but none of which were to jack’s taste. but you decided to test your luck anyway.
minutes later, you stepped out and stood right in front of him, wearing your first dress. “how’s this one, jack?” his eyes were downcast, looking at something on his phone. you tapped him on the shoulder, only earning half of his attention. “hm? it looks nice, dolly.” you pouted, moving your hand to his chin to make him look at you. “but you didn’t even look at it.” he moved your hand away, looking you up and down with an unamused gaze. “i said it looks fine. now are you finally done so we can get out of here?”
you rolled your eyes, walking back into the dressing room and slipping off the dress. you picked up a skintight black dress that was so long it dragged on the floor. surely this one would grab his attention, you thought to yourself as you paired it with a white, button-up sweater. you put on a pair of light-brown heels that were hidden by the fabric, stepping out once again and patting his cheek.
“what about this? is this one better?” you gave him a little spin, giving him a full 360 degrees of your body in the tight dress. he gave a little smirk in response. “yeah if you wanna look like a nun, i guess. is this the last outfit? i don’t think i can listen to the music in here any longer.” you huffed, discouraged at how nonchalant he was. “yes, im done.” you muttered, walking back into the dressing room to get back into your normal clothes.
you walked out of the dressing room empty-handed, leaving everything behind since none seemed to give you the reaction you expected from him. he took your hand, dragging you out of the store and back into the main mall. “good riddance,” he muttered under his breath. “can we go home now, angel?” your eyes scanned the assortment of stores surrounding you until they landed on one that would surely sell clothes that would blow his socks off.
you shook your head. “not yet, i just wanna go to one more store. please, just one more place?” you begged, staring up at him as he groaned. “only one more. you head on inside, i’m going to grab a coffee. i’ll meet you in the dressing room.” with that, he released your hand and let you go your own way.
you dashed into the store, immediately pleased by the outfits in the display window. you wasted no time picking up everything you saw, picturing the look on his face when he’d see the clothes on you. you walked into the dressing room, starting to change into one of the outfits as you heard his voice.
“you in here, doll?” he said as he sipped on his hot drink, waiting for a response. “i’m here, jack. just gimme a sec, okay?” he nodded, immediately realizing that you couldn’t see his answer. he sat down on the seat in front of your dressing room, sighing as he scrolled on his phone. “this damn girl…” he whispered to himself. then he was interrupted by the noise of you walking out, standing right in front of him.
you didn’t have to tap him to get his attention this time. his eyes were caught by the shiny black thigh-high leather boots you had on. then his eyes traveled up, first landing on your dangerously short pleated skirt and low-cut tube top that showed just enough cleavage to make his breath hitch (this is the outfit). you placed your hand on your hips, looking down at him as he swallowed hard, immediately putting his phone down and gripping the seat.
“now i’ve got your attention.” you remarked smugly. “you like this one, jack?” you took the words out of his mouth, his cheeks covered in a bright pink stain as his mouth gaped open. he cleared his throat, nodding nervously as a stupid little smile tugged at his lips. “y-yeah, this one’s nice, baby. give me a little spin, will ya?” your face lit up and you twirled, making the skirt lift up just a little as your heels clicked on the ground.
jack squirmed, shifting his position so he was sitting with his legs crossed, suppressing a painfully obvious boner. you grinned triumphantly, happy that you could break his cold, hard exterior. you walked back into the room, making that sad that you were going away but excited to see that next set of clothes you’d have on.
minutes passed and jack found himself impatiently tapping his foot as his mind ran wild with thoughts of you wearing such intimate clothes just for him. his hard cock was straining against the rough denim of his jeans, making him groan quietly as he placed a hand on top of his bulge to calm the throbbing sensation.
his foot began to bounce on the ground with anticipation, and soon enough he couldn’t take it anymore. he sprung up from his seat, pushing the curtain of your dressing room to the side and popping his head in. “are you done in here?” you jumped slightly, startled. but jack’s eyes became as wide as saucers as drool began to drip down his lips.
you stood in front of the mirror, wearing a small tennis skirt with a plaid pattern on it, paired with a white silky shirt that was more revealing than your bra. and your cute little feet in those white knee-high socks didn’t help the matter either (the outfit). ��jack! i’m not done in here yet!”
he walked into the room, approaching you with a lust-filled haze as you backed into the wall behind you. he closed the curtain of the room, pinning you to the wall and pressing his body into yours, his boner pressing into your stomach. you gasped, the heat of blood starting to pool in your core as he grabbed your face and pulled you into a very sloppy kiss.
“goddamnit, woman… you just know exactly how to drive me crazy, don’t you?” he grabbed your ass, lifting you off the ground and making you wrap your legs around his waist, your clothed, throbbing clit now in contact with his pulsating bulge. you moaned into his mouth as he kissed you again, this time using his tongue to tease yours with his gentle flicks.
your hips began to grind on his, desperate for even the smallest amount of pleasure to still your nerves. jack groaned deeply, whipping out his cock and pumping it quickly. you glanced down, seeing that his girth had nearly doubled in size because of how swollen it had gotten. he rubbed his leaky tip on your silky panties, feeling your wetness through the thin fabric.
you let out a shaky moan, grabbing onto his muscled biceps as he set you down on the wooden bench that was meant for clothing. he pushed everything else off, leaving room for only you as he pushed your legs behind your head, the wet spot on your panties much more conspicuous in this position.
jack bit his lip as he grinned from ear to ear. “that’s my little model…” he trailed a teasing finger down your cleavage until he got all the way down to your dripping wet cunt. he replaced his finger with his cock, getting off from the feeling of your wet folds hungrily attempting to swallow him.
“guess we should get these out of the way, huh?” he slipped his cock underneath the thin string that covered your pussy, breaking it away with a light tug. your breath became shaky as the cold air hit your grooling cunt. jack spat on his thumb, rubbing messy circles onto your clit as he lined himself up with your hole.
the tip slipped in effortlessly, along with the first few inches. you moaned quietly, making jack clamp his hand over your mouth. “it would be a shame if we got caught in here, wouldn’t it?” with a low groan, he pushed in the remaining inches of his rod, making your eyes well. with his jeans down to his ankles, his hips began slapping into yours.
your eyes rolled to your back on your head as the perfect curve of his dick made him reach nothing but your cervix. you felt your drool bubbling all over his hand as deep, heavy breaths escaped from his parted lips. his large cock abused and stretched out your tiny hole, much to his pleasure.
his fingernails dug into the back of your thighs as his balls slapped your asshole with every deep thrust. your hands found his wrist and forearm, gripping the skin tightly as a white-hot knot began to tie in your stomach. jack’s orderly thrusts quickly lost their composure as your muffled moans made his core boil.
strings on precum connected him to you each time he pulled out. he flipped his hair out of his face, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed back curses that threatened to break free. “s-shit… that’s it, baby… takin’ my cock so well…”
your back arched as you ground your hips against his, desperately chasing the orgasm that was just in your reach. your gushy folds hungrily ate up his cock, making him toss his head back. “use my dick, angel…just like that.” you brought your fingers to your clit, sobbing into his hand as you felt yourself cumming all over him. he grabbed your hips, fucking you at lightning speed as his balls sagged with cum. in a matter of seconds, he was filling up your tight, swollen pussy with loads upon loads of his hot seed.
he pulled out of you, watching as his cum cascaded out of your hole like a milky waterfall. you panted breathlessly, slowly regaining your composure as jack tucked his cock back into his pants before getting you all cleaned up as well.
you put on your clothes, looking at the mess you two had just made in a public residence. but before you knew it, jack was out of the dressing room, carrying all of the clothes you tried on. you walked behind him quickly. “where are you going?” jack smiled back at you. “to the cashier. i look forward to my little model putting on a show for me every night.” he dumped the pile of clothes onto the counter, the cum-stained skirt above everything else like a cherry on top.
author's note: thank you "high" anon for the request! istg I rlly didn't mean for it to get so long
#444rockstargf#rory culkin#rory culkin smut#lana del rey#smut#jack thurlow#jack goes home#born to die paradise edition#born to die#jack thurlow smut#jack thurlow x reader#burning desire
118 notes
·
View notes
Text
MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 1, Match 4 HALF vs. MAGIC
Propaganda for both options under the cut!
Propaganda for HALF:
kazui may just be an old gay man but HE CAN SING.
its. literally stunning.
like aside from his character and everything else, half is just really really beautifully written
THE INSTRUMENTALS.
HIS V O I C E??? its so pretty
heartbreaking lyrics. i dont love kazui as a character but i have bawled to half
GAY RIGHTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love amane but she will undoubtedly win when her purge march poll rolls around, so lets let the old man have a win shall we?
---
half propaganda let's goooo sorry i'm sobern't in true kazui style so this probably won't make a bit of sense
theatre kid man. i love him, incredible mv.
this song is pure ASMR to me
visually aligned with Cat and it's so lovely to see that continuity
the GRAINY MOVIE DOTS THING ON THE MV <3
kazui is so dramatic. i love him i love him
dapper gentleman. such clothes
the key change is so well done
AND THE . THE PART WITH THE. THE ENDING SORT OF LYRICS OVERLAID WITH SPEAKING. and then his quieter singing and, and, and o h my god. im sorry. im not very coherent abt this rn
every part of the song is amazing but once it gets to the key change and after it keeps stepping up the amount of being perfect
kazui is in it
um
kazui is in it
go my psionic warriors vote for everyone's favourite failhusband
no children were tortured in the making of this MV (cough looking at You magic)
---
Allow me to present my Half propaganda!
- The slower tempo adds a very relaxing feeling to the song. Kinda ironic, but I like it! It sort of reminds of old indie songs from 2012 (especially with what I think is whistling added in the instrumental in-between chorus and verses.)
- Kazui’s voice. Enough said.
- It’s very easy to listen to, and I find it’s one of the only songs from Milgram that I like to listen to out of context (besides After Pain, Backdraft, and Purge March, oddly enough.)
- The MV is rife with imagery, and is used to beautiful effect. It really makes you feel for Kazui and his situation.
- The scene with him and Hinako before the key change… that makes me so emo.
- The overlapping part at the end… the lyrics combined with the dialogue in the background makes me really sad in a way I can’t explain.
Propaganda for MAGIC:
MAGIC MY BELOVED MAGIC!!! Its one of the best MVs in the entire series, even including T2. Magic is visually stunning and has some fantastic art direction but also is very clever in how it conveys its themes and ideas. Magic doesn't really hide anything from you, not really. It's all symbolic but it Tells You Things. It shows you the abuse, it shows you the cat. There's a fun little relationship going on here where, In Magic. Amane's pain and suffering isn't taken seriously by the people around her and the Audience we are discouraged to take it at face value due to the fictionalized nature of Magic. It's so cool. I'm so fond of the song as well, it's one of the best in the series purely cause of the Layers in it. The implications of this Inability to be good is seeped into Magic. Amane knows this isn't reality, Magic knows it's a show, she watches it at the end. And it's so Sad to me that even in her fictionalized happy world she Cannot be a good girl. It's a standard completely out of reach for her and that idea is just conveyed so well visually.
Im not even talking about the goddamn cat yet- the cat symbolism goes Deep. That cat is HER it has the same wounds Amane has in Purge March. I- I cant talk about the intertextuality of Purge March and Magic here this is Magic propaganda only- I- there's so much good stuff to Magic. I Re watched it over and over again. It has some the Best Writing and Visual Communication in Milgram and I will Die on this Hill.
---
shoutout to magic for having pretty props AND being vague as fuck about the crime! diversity win!
seriously though amane looks SO cute in it! the mv has such a pretty and colorful style and even with that it's able to show the horrors of what amane went through.
adding onto my last point. that scene where the cat is hyperventilating and you see the camera shaking???? that scene where the mascots find amane helping the cat and they're all standing over her? CHILLS. im repeating myself but the fact that they were able to portray the awful things amane went through in a genuinely emotional way while still keeping the cute cartoon look is soo impressive
there are SO many layers to itill the entire cartoony style making it look like a tv show… utilizing the cartoony effects and bright colors to show amane downplaying her own pain… the transformation after she gets punished barely changing anything to show just how manipulated she was from the start… ueueueue
ALSO ALSO ALSO THE SCENE AT THE END WITH AMANE STARING AT THE SCENE? OHHH ITS SO GOOD it adds such a feeling of dread and reminds you on top of this whole thing that all of this is truly horrifying! something is going on here!
this song is so catchy it gets stuck in my head CONSTANTLY
"Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?" AMANE... UEUEUUEUE
the little ding sound effects in the instrumental?????
amanes voice is ADORABLE
THE INSTRUMENTAL IN THAT PART WHERE SHES HELPING THE CAT HAS THAT GODLY TYPE SOUND YOUD TYPICALLY ASSOCIATE WITH CHURCHES AND STUFF AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT PROPERLY BUT JUST RELISTEN TO IT AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ITS SUCH A NEAT DETAIL
i could go on about this mv for days but i am not a theorist unfortunately. just. magic sweep
88 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝚢𝚞·𝚣𝚞·𝚘·𝚌𝚑𝚊 | ユズオチャ
noun
1. a type of citrus tea that originated from China and is now also widely produced and consumed in Japan and Korea.
2. the owner of this ridiculous blog.
‣ about me
hi there and welcome to my primarily sfw blog! i am yuzuocha but call me yuzu :D
they/them
日本語/한국어/ENG
i write mainly for love and deepspace, but there might be some other fandom content here and there (i.e. project sekai)
this is a fic, art and incorrect quotes blog that is 16+! while i know i can't prevent under 16 folks from reading, content here can get freaky.
INBOX IS OPEN. PLEASE SEND A MESSAGE IM LONELY HERE
‣ please click below for more info and a masterlist!
‣ requests
i only accept up to three characters per headcanon/drabble request. you're free to request the same headcanon/drabble for different characters, though; this is to make requests into bite-sized pieces for me! you are welcome to also request one-shots or even multi-chapter fics >:D do your worst!
however do know that i only accept these requests as suggestions, not explicitly favors i have to do. if it interests me, you're in luck. if it doesn't interest me, you ain't in luck. only times i'd take it as a request is if it's for a friend i personally know or whatnot.
this blog will be NON-EXPLICIT for the most part, anyway. obviously there's going to be suggestive themes, plenty of implications and a whole lot of softcore (like c'mon look at my first post kek), however i absolutely refuse to write or draw outright smut. we got enough smut artists and writers in the lds fandom and i think we don't got enough fluff-angst writers HAHA
‣ things to know
this blog is 16+ — while I don't explicitly discourage readers under the aforementioned age from consuming my content, most, if not all of my content contains somewhat suggestive themes and contain suggestive, violent and/or triggering themes. additionally, the game itself holds aforementioned themes, so i thought i might as well put a soft-minimum just to give myself some peace and mind lol. please use your personal discretion before you consume my work!
i have a taglist! please let me know if you'd like to be a part of it through commenting here or through my inbox! i'll give you lots of smooches as a ty <3
finally — i have commissions available for both art and writing! please contact me through my discord yuzuocha for details :D
‣ masterlist
headcanon
‣ the horrors of gacha. — Xavier & Zayne & Rafayel
‣ kith? kith. [pt. i] — Xavier & Zayne
‣ moments of panic. — All
‣ back in the days. — All
‣ domestic times. — All
‣ a living proof of your love. — All
one-shot + drabble
‣ heartstring fortissimo. — Xavier
‣ eclipse. — Xavier
‣ drunk mind, sober feelings. — Xavier
‣ a second love at second sight. — Rafayel
‣ post-care. — Zayne
multi-fic
‣ player one, player two. — Xavier
‣ illuminate. — Xavier
but really really fast
main story ‣ prologue
main story ‣ chapter ɪ
main story ‣ chapter ɪɪ
main story ‣ chapter ɪɪɪ
main story ‣ chapter ɪᴠ
main story ‣ chapter ᴠ
main story ‣ chapter ᴠɪ
main story ‣ chapter ᴠɪɪ
main story ‣ chapter ᴠɪɪɪ
incorrect quotes
ɪ ‣ truth conundrum
ɪɪ ‣ caleb v. ladder
ɪɪɪ ‣ xavier's mc sensor
ɪᴠ ‣ rafayel's morals
ᴠ ‣ anti-consolation
ᴠɪ ‣ following directions with faith
ᴠɪɪ ‣ rafayel's rancid rizzing
ᴠɪɪɪ ‣ who let xavier cook
ɪx ‣ "helping out"
x ‣ false alarm
xɪ ‣ fiery motivation
xɪɪ ‣ self love
xɪɪɪ ‣ vroom vroom
xɪᴠ ‣ how to treat a short person
xᴠ ‣ is rafayel into choking?
xᴠɪ ‣ sanity loss documentary
xᴠɪɪ ‣ spooky broccoli
xᴠɪɪɪ ‣ xavier's tendencies
xɪx ‣ "what keeps you up at night"
xx ‣ speling is hahrd
xxɪ ‣ subway surfers was fire ngl
xxɪɪ ‣ whoever threw that shell, fuck you
xxɪɪɪ ‣ innocent until proven guilty
xxɪᴠ ‣ happy middle fingers
xxᴠ ‣ single when drunk?
xxᴠɪ ‣ a cursed bless
xxᴠɪɪ ‣ serotonin, too!
xxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ he isn't wrong, per se
xxɪx ‣ lie detector
xxx ‣ an artist's perspective, apparently
xxxɪ ‣ yeah no he bucked up
xxxɪɪ ‣ a cursed bless 2.0
xxxɪɪɪ ‣ caleb's sick of it lol
xxxɪᴠ ‣ propriety over honesty
xxxᴠ ‣ words of (questionable) truth
xxxᴠɪ ‣ caleb technically didn't lie
xxxᴠɪɪ ‣ she thought she was playing chess, he was playing 4d chess
xxxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ as long as rafayel's happy, i guess
xxxɪx ‣ who let xavier cook 2.0
xʟ ‣ nice card, shitty purpose
xʟɪ ‣ put a price tag in bed
xʟɪɪ ‣ mission accomplished (?)
xʟɪɪɪ ‣ asshole of the year
xʟɪᴠ ‣ "KILL IT KILL IT KILL ITTTTTT"
xʟᴠ ‣ local fish intentionally stranded on walmart parking lot
xʟᴠɪ ‣ cereal hits when drunk
xʟᴠɪɪ ‣ zayne can't be left alone, poor him
xʟᴠɪɪɪ ‣ a chair that can kick you
xʟɪx ‣ needs and wants
ʟ ‣ honesty so brutal it hurts
ʟɪ ‣ yea just buy whipped cream instead
ʟɪɪ ‣ words v. stones
ʟɪɪɪ ‣ living in the present
ʟɪᴠ ‣ popcorn doesn't last
ʟᴠ ‣ war of words
ʟᴠɪ ‣ it is trash can, not trash cannot
ʟᴠɪɪ ‣ newton's rolling in his grave
ʟᴠɪɪɪ ‣ carnival avocado
ʟɪx ‣ how much white stuff can fit in a mouth?
ʟx ‣ 6 cm per second, which is frankly impressive
ʟxɪ ‣ xavier v. jeremiah getting punched
ʟxɪɪ ‣ hunter's "reflexes"
ʟxɪɪɪ ‣ declaration (?) of love
ʟxɪᴠ ‣ double friendzone'd
ʟxᴠ ‣ rafayel's garden
ʟxᴠɪ ‣ reminiscence (?)
ʟxᴠɪɪ ‣ xavier the almighty sun
ʟxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ xavier the almighty mosquito
ʟxɪx ‣ the duality of fish
ʟxx ‣ didn't happen if there ain't no evidence
ʟxxɪ ‣ life is just one big capitalist experience fr
ʟxxɪɪ ‣ oof lmfao
ʟxxɪɪɪ ‣ you something get eat might
ʟxxɪᴠ ‣ father v. further v. farther
ʟxxᴠ ‣ hobbies
ʟxxᴠɪ ‣ the ends justify the means, right?
ʟxxᴠɪɪ ‣ so short they can duck liability
ʟxxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ cashed in the wrong way
ʟxxɪx ‣ love is an open door
ʟxxɪx ‣ efficiency > flirting
ʟxxx ‣ viral for all the wrong reasons
ʟxxxɪ ‣ killer fashion
ʟxxxɪɪ ‣ package
ʟxxxɪɪɪ ‣ cancelling out
38 notes
·
View notes
Note
I am coming back to ask for more cecille and ganji headcanons……….i mean since its your oc arent those just canons at this point…….anyways…….me is asking for cecille and ganji canons
in your arms, i find home
paring: ganji gupta x cecille maduro (identity v ccxoc)
summary: genreal ganji x cecille cannons
warnings: slight mention of nsfw at the end
note: willamkisser im going to kiss YOU‼️,,, im boutta become williamkisserkisser 😈
HEADCANNONS
Early Interactions:
his tough exterior dosen't completely discourage cecille, though it does set a clear boundary between the two and she dosent pry in their early stages
word about a new survivor gets around the manor quickly, though all what she's heard about him have been vague. people obviously acknowledge that he's come from a troubled past and because of this, dont share all the details between one another
she understands that he has a distrust of others because of this, and she's just as patient as ever, not prying during their first conversations
their conversations aren't necessarily long, they're somewhat awkward but not because they hate each other, they just dont know how to connect just yet
their initial meetings are similar, and in the beginning they always seem to run into one another outside of matches
emily calling in cecille to aid her with patching up survivors that attended a tarot game and ganji just so happens to be one of the participants, its his first match of the mode and they all talk and mike comes in to be a little shit and make everything awkward (I have a draft on this, i need to lock in)
shed run into him in the library or linger a little too long when she catches a glimpse when hes training. she would find him in the middle of the night throwing together whatever the manor had to offer, feeling guilty, she cooks something for the man she knows is starving
he would run into her when she's baking something for the survivors, when she's doing one of her hobbies like embroidery or reading, or just being lazy around the common area
none of these interactions are long, cecille gets the feeling that ganji really isn't all about socializing or that he just might not want to be close to her, but she dosent take it to heart. she still treats him with respect as he gives words of appreciation to her efforts
Their first match together is traumatizing for ganji. He finds out how sacrificial her abilities are and he ends up believing that she’s not putting up a front. Its duo hunters and everyone runs to the gate, though the hunters decide to down cecille. She’s about to bleed out, and ganji looses his shit, he doesn’t want anyone to die. He ends up fumbling hard and is downed next her her
So yeah first match together and cecille dies right next to him, and he believes that she’s gone for good
Apparently no one’s told him that survivors don’t actually die, and he thinks this is all a sick joke when she comes stumbling in
after their first match with one another they dont recognize it yet but their actions complement one another, cecille healing an injured survivor while ganji is defending her, keeping the hunter occupied nearby
they have unexpected soft moments when cecille handles him gently during matches. no words are exchanged but "thank you's" from ganji once she heals him, patting him on the back when parting ways with a smile
although he is still weary after their first match together, he is still helpful when he thinks cecille needs it
simply passing by, he might see her put a heap of items in a box and before she picks it up, he'd offer to take the box to where she needs it
she knows she could carry the box with ease, but she wants to form some sort of connection with ganji, so she takes him up on the offer and they engage in fleeting small talk
they finally begin to warm up and see one another in a softer light when they see the other caring for another survivor from a distance
I like to think of these moments where ganji sees cecille patching up robbie and little girls' knees after they've been scraped when they've been playing around, putting little bandaids and kissing their foreheads, or he might find her reading to helena as the young woman has her head down, listening to cecilles voice
On the other hand, I believe cecille to be more drawn to ganji when she sees him doing something, specifically for the children. shed be in the library doing her own thing and from a distance, see ganji acting totally different, hes smiling and laughing as he is bonding with little girl, lifting her up to help her get a book that she couldn't reach
from this point on, cecille truly knows that this man has a kind heart, and ganji thinks fondly on how gentle she is with people
warming up:
ganji definitely feels drawn to cecille after a while, anxiety pooling in his stomach whenever she is being chased during a match. however, he chalks the feeling up to be team morale
they both enjoy the silence that they share every now and then, one of them spending the day in the common area or the library and the other sitting down to do their own thing in the same room. its comfortable for ganji, for the woman dosent pry and cecille appreciates him warming up to her. they both get embarrassed when their fluttering eyes meet the other stealing glances and their eyes meet. cecille lightly laughs as ganji looks away flushed (I LOVE THEM IM GOING TO THROW UP) they still aren't on first name basis here, so moments like these are just silly for them
cecille was raised mainly by her mother (at least when her mom was around ☠️) who's hispanic, so of course she grew up learning to cook Mexican dishes. this actually proves to be something that draws cecille and ganji closer, because she is the source of food that is relatively familiar to him. of course, not the same, though its close enough for him to be reminded of home
this makes ganji look forward for when cecille takes on dinner duty at night, and something that would actually make him join the rest of the survivors for dinner service. when they become even closer, he'd sheepishly ask if shed be willing to make him something to eat.
food related, i think ganji can cook, but nothing more than simple meals. I also like to play into the head cannon that he cant handle spice very well, for sillies. also a similar head cannon to naib, and based off of a cannon twitter reply of his, this boy can EAT and dosent do any maintenance when it comes to eating, but due to all of his training, he burns it all off rather quickly
so since cecille cooks heaps of food, he always makes sure to eat his fill, and he cant be angry when hes on a full stomach
maybe people are right, food is a key to a mans heart 🤷♀️
not very close at this point, he is still a gentleman, just like his mom raised him to be. he holds the door open when she passes by, gives her a nod as they see each other in the manor and tells her good morning if he sees her during those hours
although he tells himself he shouldn't be, ganji is surprised on just how kind she is to others. somewhere in his heart, he sees himself in her before he was used: kind, giving, going above and beyond for those who didn't deserve it
I do have dialogue written between the two somewhere, he tells cecille something along the lines of, "youre too nice for your own good. dont let others take advantage of you."
cecille does feel awkward in this situation because ganji doesn't know that it already unfortunately happened ☠️
she humbly brushes it off, saying its no big deal and its her job, and they're left in awkward silence with the weight of his words
friends:
as they begin to actually become friends, ganji no longer actively tries to keep a large amount of distance from cecille.
They both still enjoy to sit in silence with one another, and just like earlier in their relationship, catch the other glancing and they both look away embarrassed
they talk more often but they still avoid overly personal topics regarding their background, they both think its unneeded to bring it up, and the other never asks (again, word gets around the manor. they've heard fragments of the others history and neither of them want to pry on such a sensitive topic)
when first meeting her and she offered to comfort him to use her blanket ability, she's standing there with her arm open to initiate a hug. he obviously declines, not comfortable or familiar enough with cecille to accept. Though, once becoming friends, hes not totally against the idea. he's still reluctant of course, receiving minimal affection ever since he left his home. he just needs time to warm up, is all
makes space and saves a seat for her in crowded rooms if she ever mentioned joining them, cecille appreciates it when he keeps her in mind
ganji now tries to initiate more of their interactions, hes comfortable with her, at least much more than the other survivors in the manor
he definitely feel guilt when she bleeds out during a match, she's always woozy and almost not even there, though he finds it amusing when she goes and is overly affectionate to a survivor who's willing to help her. though when ganji is his target, he gets overwhelmed by her affection, even if its obvious that she tries to hold back with him
they slowly start doing things for the other without them asking. cecille would always be sure to bring him food whenever she cooked or baked, if she caught a glimpse of him after a match shed call him over to patch up his injuries and sew his clothes back together if they were torn. if ganji might find her asleep in a common area during the day, he was sure to cover her properly with a blanket and continue on with his duties. though if it was late and she had a long day, he'd sit down next to her, lightly calling her name to wake her up. "miss maduro, its late. let me walk you to your room."
shed definitely give her thanks in a large way, preparing a care package, including some of her baked goods, like bread and cookies, a few pieces of butterscotch candy, herbal teas, homemade muscle rub, and a hand crochet scarf. shed invite him down to dinner, cooking a small pot of a hearty soup. he'd attempt to decline, but cecille wont have any of it. "oh, dont be silly. i appreciate you, ganji."
during this moment, they probably touch on slightly personal topics, she briefly skims over eli and her past, though the latter she dosent want a mental breakdown so she literally just mentions that shes lost people that she cared about. I dont think ganji would open up fully just yet, though would give little bits of his past so her vulnerability is reciprocated.
crushing:
this entire section is going to make me throw UP THEY MAKE ME SICK
in the beginning, the denial, especially on ganjis behalf, is strong.
he assumes his protectiveness, even stronger than before, is because she's a good teammate. he tries to phrase it in a way where he believes its his job to protect others, though all what he is doing is lying to himself
ganji overthinks EVERYTHING. if he did the right thing, if he seemed out of place and made himself look like a fool in front of her. additionally, when it comes to cecilles affection towards him, he pushes it aside, telling himself that thats just the way she is
overall, I feel cecille handles her feelings better than ganji does, especially since the whole experience is new to him and she obviously has experience. yes, when he was younger and before he left India he had his own crushes, though the gap from being 16 to 21, he had MUCH more things to be worrying about, and its been a long time.
though deep down, he always wanted to find that special someone to spend his life with, someone to love him as much as he'd love them
they both make excuses to themselves to do things that will bring them closer to the other person. oh, ganji went to go train out in the field? cecille happened to tend to some plants out there as well. cecille is in the infantry patching up other survivors? ganji would claim that he injured one of his limbs and would wait his turn so cecille can look at it
lingering touches are things that drive the other nuts. cecille claiming that he "had something in his hair", lightly holding his head as she gently dusts her fingers through his hair. hands brushing against each other as they pass objects back and forth, ganji giving her a pat on the back after a difficult match, or leading her somewhere with his hand lightly on her upper back to show her where to go
I feel like both of them pay attention more to their appearance at this stage. he tries to fix his hair and attire to be a little more presentable, and cecille may apply a little more makeup to her eyes or lips. they just want to look good in front of each other, they're big doofs
cecille definitely becomes more fidgety around him, whereas ganji stumbles over his words more and drops his tough exterior
them always making awkward eye contact will never NOT make me sick. once at this stage ganji has most definitely opened up to more people, so he would be hanging out with his friends (more of the open and easygoing guys, William, naib(though not open, the two have familiarity due to their cultures), Norton, Kevin, Luca, and mike, though hes probably tagging along because he has nothing better to do) in the manor. cecille would pass by the room they're occupying, and ganji would turn his head around just for them to meet eyes as she smiles at him and continues on with her day.
this does NOT go unnoticed by the rest of the group
they tease him and he does his best to brush it off (not going into detail because ill probably write a scene on this later... :3)
when teasing comes to cecille about anything romantic, it is minimum. the ones that know of her past assume it is a touchy subject, with silas and eli both betraying her. survivors don't want to trigger something unnecessary with her
obviously, both end up being protective of the other. cecille would be hesitant to sue her blanket during a match to a survivor who his not ganji, hoping somewhere in her heart that he would come and find her. ganji always putting himself between cecille and harms way, going above and beyond when its her turn to be saved
regarding her blanket, he now takes her comfort without any hesitation. he tries to play it off as if it dosent affect him, but as she wraps her blanket around his shoulder and gives him a warm and welcoming hug, this may be the only thing worth participating for in a match. because god forbid he ever comes up to her somewhere in the manor, asking for a hug. (scaredy cat)
their relationship definitely takes a SHARP turn when they begin to give each other words of praise and playfully banter with one another, and when their flirting becomes a lot more obvious, and they've slowly began to accept that they like the other
cecille flirts a lot more than he does, maybe because she's more confident with her advances, and as time progresses, she becomes bold and leaves ganji not knowing what to say. over time he gets the hang of it and does his attempts
but she's not bold off the get go, shed ease into it when she is more confident on his feelings towards her
she mainly throws words of praise towards the man, and soon enough that fuels ganjis urge to impress her
it could be during matches, defending her until he has no more cricket balls left, doing everything to stall her first chair. he would insist on always being the one to save her and do things that are beyond unnecessary and putting himself in harms way much more than he has to, saving on half health but actually pulling it off, using up all of his resources just to make sure she gets out. after the match, shed lightly scold him, though he knows that her praises will be following. "youre great out there, ganji. did you know that? youre my savior."
if the survivors would be hanging outside in the field in groups, cecille would do her own hobby, watching the more athletic people practice or have fun. once she and ganji met eyes and acknowledged one another, he'd show case his confidence and do unnecessary tricks with his bat before he swings. every time he struck the ball and it would go flying, he'd shoot his eyes to the woman try to see if cecille's attention was on him
he'd sit down next to her after practicing, shed give him some water and if hes sweaty, would probably hand him her handkerchief. shed pretend that she "forgot" it, knowing that later in the day he'd come knocking on her door to give it back. maybe thats why he plays along, "accidentally" taking it so he has a excuse to see her later
"wow, you really are the best there is out there, aren't you gupta? that was really impressive, im glad im here to watch."
"its nothing, im just out here trying to have fun, but im glad I keep you entertained."
cecille would smile down at him, lightly poking his head. "uh-huh. are you sure it was just 'nothing'?"
ganji would probably give a light laugh and look away. "maybe."
the doofus is just trying to look cool for his crush and earn the words he yearns to hear, hes just silly
THEYRE GOING TO MAKE ME JUMP I LOVE THEM
she might fix his collar, looking at up at him and giving him a look that he cant shake from his head, her cold fingers lightly brushing his chest as she reaches for his buttons of his shirt, "you have a match in leos memory, make sure to stay warm." ganji would do his best to try and brush it off with a shy smile on his face, saying something like "you didn't have to." all shed do is hum and say, "dont worry, I wanted to."
I dont think cecille would be insecure when it comes to thinking if she sizes up to ganji, although in the beginning she might think that their interests dont entirely align and this might dishearten her, she quickly gets over this when thinking that at the core, they both care for others and go out of their way to protect them. she knows ganji to be a sweet, caring, and kind man at heart, and that is all she needs to know. him being handsome is just a cherry on top
her body definitely isn't something that disheartens her, either. ganji is thinner than her but she's strong in her own ways, and she's confident in herself so 🤷♀️go queen
ganji on the other hand may put himself down, especially seeing how much she actually does for other people. she's sweet, she's kind. she's so giving to the point where he wouldn't be surprised if she offered her heart. the majority of the people at the manor like her, and he might think that hes undeserving at first. though, as time goes on, he learns to accept it.
they open up a little more halfway during their crushing stage. although not everything is in full detail, names and events begin to pop out from their past and they been to understand one another. cecille finally understands the gist of why ganji was so closed off, though cecille's side of the story isn't as much in detail. she briefly mentions eli, saying "i know you've seen the tension between us. all you need to know is that he betrayed his poor fiancee back home." ganji is smart enough to fit in the pieces, but isn't too sure how to respond when cecille becomes angry when she mentions Silas, saying "I was a fiancee too, at some point. I was silly enough to trust a man like that. he took everything from me."
when jealousy comes into play, this is when shit gets real
cecilles jealousy isn't obvious, but she does get disheartened. she's more weary and second guesses herself much more than ganji, but poor woman just dosent want to get her heart broken again
she would notice if ganji spends more time with another survivor, or she would feel a pang in her heart watching a interaction from afar
if cecille and ganji are spending time together and another survivor captures his attention for an extended amount of time, she would slowly distance herself to do her own thing, assuming that ganjis priorities are elsewhere
she definitely tells herself that she has no business feeling like this, especially because they aren't necessarily a thing at this point and that ganji can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants, but that just leads her to feel worse
if ganji confronts her at a later time, asking where she went, shed try to brush it off saying something like, "oh, I left you both to talk, it seemed important! I went to do my own thing."
if its in a group setting and the two are sitting next to one another and other people catch ganjis attention, she might attempt to slip away by pretending she has to stretch and rub out her shoulders, and move to a different seat thats distanced from ganji, (that is, if she even decides to stay in the room) if ganji notices, shed do her best to avoid eye contact and continue to do her own thing. though, warmth will pool in her heart if ganji plays off the same thing to move closer to her.
ganji on the other hand
oh
oh ganji
his jealousy is MUCH MUCH more obvious
this might also be because cecille is much more affectionate to other people, its in her nature
every time cecille would bleed out and "die" in a match, he'd make sure that she wouldn't go for anyone else (might write a silly fic on this later)
long hugs, pats on the shoulder, favors, praise, holding hands, and especially loving kisses on the cheek or forehead gets ganji FUMING when he sees this blasphemy, and he dosent know how to properly feel when he finds out that she accompanies survivors during the night to sleep with them (non sexually ofc) if they had a bad day
he becomes much more competitive, attempting to outshine and to prove to himself and to cecille that hes worthy of her attention, and to make sure that no one else has it
he definitely gets possessive, standing close to her when someone comes to talk to her and makes himself noticeable
lowkey once their crushing becomes obvious to others in the manor, if someone is talking to cecille and gets a little too friendly with ganji nearby, all he has to do is give them a look that speaks words. they'd quickly finish up whatever business they have with cecille and once their gone, he'd be there to be the center of her attention
her past, specifically with Eli, may lead him to be upset and irritated with his presence. (will touch this in a few lines)
he dosent care too much about Silas, just by reading her body language when she's opened up about him, he KNOWS that she hates that man. if anything, he cant shake off the idea of being someone else's bride
cecille isn't overly affectionate with ganji as she is with other survivors in the manor, and this is because she dosent want to cross any borders with him, especially because more of her basic forms of affection were always turned down or hesitantly accepted earlier in their relationship, so of course shed never hold his hand or give him a kiss. somewhere in her mind, she may also find it morally wrong to mask those types of affection as platonic when she clearly would have meant it romantically
ganji obviously notices the disparity of affection from cecille, and at some point becomes frustrated to the point where he confronts her about it
it would probably start if there was something that brought eli and cecille close to one another. brooke still likes being around cecille, and eli in a hurry would try to fetch his beloved bird from her. they engage in small talk, and cecille still treats eli with decency. ganji might be a onlooker in this exchange, and become frustrated and approach cecille. Eli might take his as his cue to leave with Brooke, but ganji clearly needs to talk to cecille and pulls her aside to his room
he expresses little bits of his frustration, how could she even treat eli with kindness after what happened?
though this would be a snowball affect, and it would end with ganji saying something like this, "I always see you being so- youre always giving people --things-- and, why not me? why do you single me out?"
she's left a little confused, not knowing what he meant. this is the first time hes vulnerable about something regarding their relationship, but she slowly understands what hes trying to tell her. she dosent take this in a romantic sense initially, she was used to her kids asking for more and more affection, feeling as if they were being left out, and she understands ganji through this past experience
all she can do is smile and look down at him as he feels ashamed and afraid of rejection
"you know," she hums and reaches for his hand, "you could just ask me for a kiss if you wanted it so bad."
oh yeah and their crushing stage takes OFF
ganji asks for her more and more and more, and every time hes had a bad day, he'd go to her and ask her if shed be willing to stay the night (insert the fluffy section in my "fading stars" fic, for that is actually cannon between them)
when sleeping in the same room with one another so early on, cecille does not initiate anything major. although shed be open to hug and cuddle other survivors, ganji is always a different case. she doesn't want to push boundaries shes not meant to. I dont think ganji is asking her for such physical affection while sleeping near one another either. I feel like any affection like that happens is before the two go to sleep, ganji resting his head on her lap while she plays with his hair, or he'd mourn the loss of his home, hugging cecille
it is around this time and one of the nights that she stays with ganji that they tell one another their history in full. the moment is raw, they both cry, but they're there for one another.
famous iconic line from cecille, "youre a good man, ganji. i promise to take you home."
their pasts mirror one another in a way, he had been taken away from his life where she has had her life taken from her
they become as close as ever until shit goes down
of course, cecille bleeding out is nothing new, it happens at least once a week and yk, its to be expected
though, things take a sharp turn when cecille and ganji are the last two in a match against Percy
surprisingly, she had not yet eliminated, though she frantically attempts to finish the last cipher when ganji is downed.
when she notices that ganji, for the first time in his manor career, is about to bleed out, she is going to throw up out of nervousness
the entire event is tragic for cecille once she makes it to ganji, holding his dying body in her arms gives her unneeded flashbacks of when she was holding the dead bodies of her children, waves of guilt, and devastation
"hey, hey. shh. don't cry, it'll be okay." hed tell her, and all she can do is wail as she tries her best to pull out bandages to heal him, but its too late
when survivors surrender in a match, instead of showing the eliminated symbol, it instead shows the death symbol as if they were to bleed out
the thought of it is morbid, survivors surrendering is basically them offing themselves
so yeah
cecille surrenders on top of ganjis dead body
this mirrors how when they first initially met, cecille dying right next to ganji, and what he told her in attempts to soothe her as she was dying
this parallel absolutely makes me SICK I HATE THIS THEY MAKE ME CRY
of course once they arrive back at the manor, they immediately stumble through everything to find one another. they eventually have a heartfelt moment in the garden, the sun setting and golden hour flooding the room
(the reason why the "fading stars" fic hurt so much is because no matter in what universe or au, they always confess or have serious heartfelt moments during golden hour. when shit went down between the two, the time of day was blue hour)
they make me depressed
anyway, its here in the garden that they finally confess their feelings for one another
cecille finally takes the chance to be fully affectionate with him, (asking if its okay beforehand ofc), piling on the affection, kisses, pulling him closer and ganji does NOT know what to do 😭
of course he wants it, but hes never felt loved like this before, all what cecille is doing is kissing him to the point where her lipstick is smudged all over his face and letting praises spew from her mouth that leaves him hot and flustered, and it dosent help that she just bled out, and her affection strengthens by like 3x
basically he shuts down, her eagerness of affection makes his head spin
"you didn't have to do all that" he'd say, flushed, she laughs and pulls out her handkerchief
"you look good like this," shed compliment, her hand with the cloth reaching for his face, but he puts his hand over it and pushes it back down. she can only smile. "like someone loves you, like I love you." (SHORT FIC ON THIS COMING SOON IM GOING TO LOOSE IT)
they walk out together and to cecilles room to get rest, their emotions couldn't handle the whiplash of dying together and then kissing in the garden not even 15 mins later
however, the survivors that caught a glimpse of them walking hand in hand and half of ganjis face matching the shade of her lipstick were sure to spread the news.
people congratulate them when they get the rest that they needed, but no ones really surprised, ganji was too obvious when he was crushing
couple
power couple af
still affectionate and silly as if they were still crushing
however, ganji is probably a little embarrassed of excessive pda, hes okay with hugs and nothing more than a simple kiss on the forehead or cheek, they would hold hands with one another but ganji still might feel a little embarrassed
shed wait for him to take her hand, and if not, shed kiss the back of his palm before walking together somewhere
cecille understands that and dosent push unless he asks for otherwise, but she tells him, "if you ever want something more in public, go for it. i dont mind."
the only time that I can think that he'd be outwardly affectionate in public is if hes jealous (though his jealousy has seriously diminished now that they're a couple)
he'd go up to her and hug her from behind, lean on her, give a quick kiss on her lips before standing beside her and holding her hand. he'd just be affectionate in a way that makes cecille lightheaded, she's definitely not prepared when this happens. soon enough she catches on, quickly ending whatever she's doing or making an excuse that she and ganji had errands to catch up on. shed make sure that they'd go somewhere that her full attention would be on him
when It comes to love languages, i can see ganji feeling the most comfortable receiving words of affirmation, and when giving it would be acts of service. sometimes hes not the best with words, and as expressed above, physical touch isn't his strong suit. he believes thoughtful actions speak louder, especially when it comes to cecille (will touch on this a little later)
cecille? atp shes all of them ☠️, when she's giving at least. receiving would definitely be acts of service
both are also definitely into quality time, even if they're doing nothing
regarding her words, I feel like she's silly and shed like to tease him, piling on affection through words to make him embarrassed, only loud enough for him to hear and no one else notice
shed butter him up and feed him compliments, tracing her fingers along his arm, saying things like:
"you're so handsome, ganji. i have to start keeping an eye on you so no one else gets any ideas."
"youre so great out there, helping others out. you've got this whole 'knight in shining armor' thing down, dont you?" shed laugh to herself and shake her head. "wanna know something embarrassing? sometimes I dont mind getting caught when we're in a match together, knowing that you'd come save me. my knight in shining armor."
he'd laugh, but when he sees the way she's staring at him, he'd ask, "youre joking, right?"
shed chuckle. "maybe i am." her finger would trail up his arm, to his shoulder, soon her hand on his cheek, chilly hands cupping his face if no one else was around. "but if i wasn't, you wouldn't mind, would you?"
GET A ROOM ‼️
speaking of ganji saving her in a match, shed tease him if she noticed that he was showing off
"you've been real brave lately, gupta. you trying to prove something?"
his goofy ass would try to play it off saying that he was just "doing what i have to do."
cecille hums, raising a eyebrow, and both know thats not the case, and ganji knows that she dosent believe it either.
"well, whatever youre doing, youre making me feel spoiled."
he'd cave in and laugh, saying, "well, no ones gonna protect you like I do."
he enjoys her attention, especially since she's usually busy doing other duties around the manor. her words inflate his ego and pride that he attempts to be humble about
at some point, it hits ganji like a truck, that throughout her life, cecille really had no one to take care for her the way she does for others.
in every day life, he'd pick up small tasks for her to make it easier, such as counting and organizing the stock of medical supplies, straightening up the common area, and maybe ask if she could teach him how to heal others more efficiently, would secretly take up her duties if emily calls for cecille to help injured survivors after a match
every now and then (and always after shed have a long day), he'd make sure that shed come back from a match to a clean room, something to eat, and a schedule that would be clear for the rest of the day. he'd prepare a warm bath for her with salts and oils, and depending if they are further along in their relationship would sit on a stool and wash her hair for her, talking about one another's day, or sit in silence if needed
"ceci, you never give yourself a break. let someone, let me, treat you like you treat others."
if someone comes knocking on her door asking for something, ganji would answer and shoo them away, "sorry, shes busy. go find someone else."
hes a little cold, but all the weight this poor woman carries on her shoulders would give him a headache, and somewhat annoys him that everyone is always asking stuff from her
besides people who look up to her, (Emma for example) she dosent give out affection as much besides hugs. she respects ganji and he slowly learns to accept that her hugs to others aren't anything more than platonic, especially since that is how she uses her ability during a match
I lowkey cannot think of any nicknames they'd call each other besides ceci and jiji,,, any ideas would be appreciated,,,, 😿
light nsfw
this section is rather short because there isn't much to really say about them???? (I lied, re-reading this I had some things to say)
I dont find either of them doing the devils tango for no reason, or doing it just to do it
its not because there would be a pregnancy scare (cecille cant even have children), I can just see both of them viewing it as something thats meant to be special and not happening all the time
idk how to explain it, they just both see it as a connection that is lowkey sacred. they dont do it just because it "feels good", its more of showing the other that they fully love them in a different way that isn't expressed often
whenever it does happen though, its slow, its emotional, both are vulnerable and just taking the other all in
they laugh and giggle out of excitement when it finally does happen, smiling at one another
the buildup and aftercare are sweet, fluttering kisses over each others scars and praises gifted back and forth the entire time
I find both having rather low libidos (ofc they might have their own moments where its more felt, but yk)
ganji, true to the whole process of even having a relationship with him, is in no rush to get things moving along. and again, when he was in britain he had more things to be worrying about then having sex with someone else. because of this id think he'd be generally inexperienced. though hes not completely oblivious, hes a grown ass man, but its his first few times so he at least wants to show that hes making cecille feel loved the right way
cecilles libido is, a little confusing? I think shed be fine with not partaking in sex at all, thats why I mention it being low, though she could be in the mood more often? the best way I can describe it is that she adapts to the needs of her partner without knowing it. its not forced, but It could stem from wanting to take care of people and their needs. she's more adventurous if her partner were to suggest something (though, within what she's comfortable with, ofc. I feel like things that cause intentional pain or things that seem as if there's no respect like degrading shed immediately say no)
therefore cecille is a true switch
with ganji, I feel as if hes somewhere along the lines of a service top (informed by oomfie that this is a lgbtq+ term oopsies), especially when their relationship continues on. ganji, realizing that cecille does so much for other people and rarely has people doing things for her (like mentioned above), might feel as if she needs a break and to give to her
this may make cecille emotional, he'd repeat the words, "youre always doing everything for everyone. I think youre deserving of having it the other way around for once." she was always on the opposite side, and being loved the way shes always loved makes her soft
is it bad that I say that every time I see ganji nsfw head cannons I cringe when I see him being depicted as someone whose rough during moments like these
like what the fuck do you mean degrading was even in the question when it comes to ganji 🤦♀️ smh
im careful of writing stuff with ganji especially during freak time because anything to do with his character that has his restrained/tied up/talked down to lowkey feels wrong, da fleep,,,
I feel like when they are like,,, doin the it,,,, would like to be in a position where they'd see each others faces, it feels more intimate and personal and they get to smooch each other and shit
overall rather vanilla, idk I feel like other versions of them would be a lot more freaky (ahem cecille coa 3 skin concept and ganji coa 5 b tier)
in the beginning, I feel like ganji understands that of course, she had a life before him, so he wouldn't get insanely jealous of her past sexual relationships, maybe a little disheartened seeing how much love she has to give. but all that fades away as time goes on, "i don't care about it cecille. i dont care. im all yours now, and youre all mine."
yeah thats all for da phreaky time
closing notes oh yeah
can you tell that im a sucker for pining because of how long the crush stage is compared to the others
I love slow burn
oh yeah
I am pondering a lot of different aus between them, one includes ivory tower(shoutout to academic rivals to lovers), his coa 5 b tier sheriff, coa 6 paratrooper, his s tier lava cake, seasonal god/godess au where cecille is spring and ganji is winter, and a bunch of other random ass things between them they are the worms eating my brain
might post a fic of cecille turning into weeping angel and ganji bullshit idk,,, I never lock in
IF ANY OF YOU HAVE OTHER HEADCANNONS FOR THEM PLEASSE PLEASE PLEAPLE PELAPLEPLAEPLAE PLEASE TELL THEM TO ME AND ILL ACTUALLY MAKE IT HAPPEN IM CRYING
(∴◓᷄‸◓᷅∴) ♡ (⊗`ʖ´⊗)
their anniversary/creation is may 10th :3
#identity v#oc x canon#ganji gupta#ganji gupta x oc#identity v fanfic#identity v x oc#idv#idv ganji#idv oc#my ocs#cecille maduro#sorry this took forever#finals were going on when this was asked#im back now though#I love you oomfie#not proofread we die like men#🏏#🫂
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#i feel so insecure here sometimes.. like i know you guys see that too#like ill post smth or ask smth and then feel discouraged when i don't get a response#and then i feel so stupid.. but ive been realising how so many here have been feeling that way#bc tumblr changed so much and so many ppl left and every author and creator is suddenly feeling insecure about themselves#and thinking it's their fault or that their content isn't good anymore#anyways thank you to everyone who's still here and supporting my stuff.. whenever i feel down you guys show me that my work's still#worth consuming#and that im appreciated here as a person too#@ mutuals.. i think to bring back a bit of what tumblr used to be we need to support each other too#bc :( i love my mutuals but i also noticed that only a v small number of ppl signal boosts each other's stuff or supports one another#like only a few of my moots read my stuff or talk to me at all and sometimes it gets so lonely#but im one of those who should actively make an effort to support moots too!!#some blogs support all their moots and im like ugh that's so nice#or maybe it's me and you guys just don't like me LOL no but seriously#we don't even have to read each other's stuff i think.. even boosting fics goes a long way tbh#it'd be so nice if we could do this for each other.. yk? gotta bring back the 2021 community feel fr i miss it#ugh so many ppl left lol we're all we've got y'all!!#tdl maybe
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
a lil rambly :(( but!! a heartfelt message to ygs 🫶
thank you alll truly from the bottom of my heart for all the notes, feedback, asks, replies, and likes for my recent works from this month
i genuinely would have NEVER expected to receive as much love as I did for the recent fics and socmed texts ive done!! ive had this blog ever since 2021-2022 tumblr that was full of longfics, drabbles, all written works that always require a crazy amount or work and time and don’t get me wrong, starting my own smau (2 now) has made me realize that coming up with a plot only through dialogue is hard- and it’s a very new concept for me!! but they’re so fun and it’s so easy to develop my humor within these characters.
that being said, i never gave up trying to write longer things- but it came with a lot of fear. with enhypen’s concert back in april, i dived back into writing and stanning in general- and was worried people wouldn’t like anything i had to put out 😓😓
i wanted to write this because one of my posts reached 1k notes which is an incredible feat for me!! when i posted emerald fire, it was the first fic on this blog and it didn’t do well nor did it receive any feedback, and i was heavily discouraged from writing or posting it’s cupid, stupid! because i was worried my work would have been futile and no one would care. (they’re both over 19k and both took weeks of writing and planning) it’s literally at 900 notes right now which is insane!!!! and all of your comments- it really really does inspire me to do better and continue writing- it’s really fun to develop these plots and express myself on here again :))
and for the three laws of motion, for my recent teasers, for my smaus, in so grateful ive been able to have you guys read and enjoy what my silly little brain conjurs up :((
and for my moots, i appreciate all our interactions!! im v scared to talk to you guys because you all seen very cool with ur cute themes 😓😓 but seeing you on my dash makes me happy :)) i wish the best and LETS KEEP TALKINGGG!! abt anything rlly!!
thank u thank u thank u!!! kisses for all of you- you’re the best!!
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
just read through all of we, vee in one sitting and. wonderful showstopping delightful real relatable etc. one of my favorite system stories currently (as a system myself) keep up the good work 👍
IM SOSO GLAD YOU LIKE IT,,,, systems have talked to me about it and the fact that it resonates with so many people and they IMMEDIATELY CLOCK IT even BEFORE i explicitly spelled out what the comic was referencing is so nice ;v; AND ive been messaged from non-system folks that it helps them understand! hrhrghrghrjrhjhrjhherkgkjhg thank you for reading!! that comic is a bit of a stress relief / playing with various mediums / personal stuff in a more vague tone thing? but its like getting a huge weight off my back to write. thank you for telling me too, i get discouraged very easily aaaAAHA...
heres some bonus stuff for ya :]
while im here i WILL also say that THIS FUCKER:
does make me a little nervous to write because i am SO SCARED of people taking him wrong and assuming hes the "evil" alter... hes not!! hes a silly guy!! he bites the hand that hits same as synth hes just Different yannow. its so difficult to put it in good words weeps. hope the real intentions are clear enough, augh
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
what is the point of likes on tumblr ... SRS QUESTION
cus like i heard that it doesnt boost the posts (or like spread them more IDK the post i read has some specific terminology for it) so like.... whats the point
is it just there to look cute? like did tumblr add it to fit in with other social media apps i dont get it
reblogs r better cus they spread but like niggas just reblog n dont say anything
b4 the grateful police arrive yesyesyes im grateful for any and all interactions on my fics BUTTTT y'all can at least say a lil sumn. Anything. PLEASEEEEEE
for me personally i love reading the lil feedback and stuff n what ppl think about it, it motivates me to write more
n even if its criticism (or just hate) at least its something
silent reblogs r helpful but only for boosting... n then more ppl r going to silent reblog
give me feedback!!! pleasepleaspleaspleaseplewse
like ik yall have SOMETHINGGG to say. no way u just read my fic went "ok" n then reblogged it. it had to have met ur standards to reblog DO U NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DAY TELL ME WHAT U THINK SOBS
its v discouraging (for me) bc on one hand YAYYY INTERACTION but on the other OHH RHEY DIDNT SAY ANYTHING SO DID THEY LIKE IT R THEY JUST REBLOGGING IT WHAT WAS THEIR FAV PART
not to mention how much better smut does vs angst/fluff but thats a discussion for another day (never shutting up about it. yall can't be horndogs all the time show ur nonsmut writers love PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE)
writers r just human guys !! we too feed off of human interaction and comments talk to us send us asks give us reqs (if theyre open) we surprise surprise cannot just formulate world shattering fics all on our own
#the worlds largest rant warning#﹒txt#no But its saur exhausting#tell me tell me tell me u#want me want me want me too#want me too want me too#Reblog fics guys and actually say something. silent reblogs r great but whay am i gonna do w that if i have nothing to take away from it
5 notes
·
View notes