#im fully prepared for this to get zero notes

[thinkingaboutfilm11]

⭐️💕House Wife Activities💕⭐️

[loafbud]

how naive i was to assume not having a job/no college for 7 years after highschool graduation would give me enough freedom to feel inspired, live life and pursue my creative endeavors

it's made me the complete opposite

lazy, uninspired to take action, sleepy, not mentally stimulated...

im here wondering why my life's been so stagnant, why i missed out on having "core experiences" in my early 20s (having irl friends/a job/house/etc, going out to travel, etc), feeling like the world's spinning and its leaving me behind, like its already too late for me to do anything to enjoy life

I have creative projects i just..... sat on, let them live in my head and imagination for years, that I haven't acted on yet because i..... idek the reason, its like this:

i have all the mental energy to get hyped about my projects, freely imagine them in my head, seeing a future for those ideas- but in terms of actually doing it??? im just unable to have the physical drive to pursue those.

so when ppl tell me to "get up and just do it already- dont think, just do or else you'll never make progress"..... it doesn't motivate me, neither does it actually get me excited to do it

if you were to tell me "hey vinyl, u graduated hs now time to go to college!!" in the years immediately after graduation, id fucking cringe and just lock myself in the room.. hs was a hellscape that socially negatively affected my mental health, so my introverted ass going thru another academia experience with social anxiety & being around the same kind of energy was the last thing on my mind

but now that I've wasted my early 20s doing nothing with my life, I finally realize what i need to do to make it out

and after 7 years missing out life, when i think about doing (online) college, i actually get fucking excited??? in a good way?????? i cant wait to fuckin flip thru textbooks and take notes bro, to (for the first time in my life) set myself a schedule and actually take academics seriously, to have fully online asynchronous courses so i could learn at my own pace

to finally give my life that work/play balance. because 7 years of my life's been nothing but 100% play (ex: doing hobbies, gaming, lazing around, sleeping, etc), and i have no one but myself to blame for that

(i know i mentioned me finally choosing to go to a community college weeks ago, i still haven't applied yet but i will before the year ends lmao- i just dont wanna rush into it, i wanna prepare)

....but then idk,, to say 7 years of my life was a complete and utter joke/huge waste isn't entirely true... im constantly learning about myself and those years definitely played a big part in my self-discovery and just see how my beliefs have changed thru time

uhhh yeah

tl;dr- as a 25-year-old artist with 7+ years of a no work/no school life + living w/ my parents my whole life, I've gotten absolutely zero shit done on creative projects and no forward progress in my life in general, so im going into my college/work era

the position I've been in for those years helped me grow as a person internally, but this era i was in has already served its purpose so its time for me to start a new chapter or smthn

[hanjisungslag]

attack on titan headcanons #7

## - training with them

genre - fluff

pairing - aot x reader

word count -

warning -

notes - i have SO much to stay rn. 1. i did a rebrand, we like?! 2. the last episode has me in pieces, i’m just a vessel of a woman i once was. 3. IM BACK BITCHES!!

- EREN JAEGER

as soon as you asked for him to train with you, he JUMPED out of his chair. he was so excited. he’s super determined and is genuinely a good help... 30% of the time. the other 70% is spent by him failing the training miserably - he just wants to impress you. he wants you to think of him as the super cool, manly, passionate kind of guy. although it’s a tough watch, you always reassure him of how cool you think he is.



- MIKASA ACKERMAN

you’re getting put to WORK babe😭. if you ask her to train she’s gonna TRAIN!! she makes you go through the whole shabang from jogging, running, lifting, practicing with odm gear, practicing slicing napes on the practice titans, like by the end you’ll be sweating gallons. however, if you have done enough work (in mikasas eyes) and you’re feeling tired.. she may let you have a little break. because she’s a secret softie ;).

- ARMIN ARLERT

you two.. training ..?? girl be so fr, you two are the mfs who sit in the back of p.e - sure you’ll train if you need to refine a skill or two but it’s pretty bare minimum. like you’re train until your tired and then stop. armin is suppperrr encouraging though, so lovely to have him around when you’re training.

- SASHA BRAUS

you guys train so well, until you don’t. it always starts off really good, you’re both really focused and executing the moves perfectly but then as soon as one of you cracks a few jokes, it’s all over. you start messing about, picking on each other, picking on connie and jean as well and then keith ends shouting at you two.

- CONNIE SPRINGER

THIS BOY 😭😭you get ZERO (0) training done. he just loves to see you smile and laugh and that includes during training. him and sasha are just huge goofballs and tbh, it never fails to make you giggle. however, when keith ends up shouting at him and calling you guys something like ‘love birds’ he gets very embarrassed and decides to actually focus.

# humbled

- JEAN KIRSTEIN

you just looovveee to fuel this man’s ego when you guys are training. he’s really good don’t get me wrong but, same thing as eren, he just wants to impress you!! but even if he does fail or do worse than others, you always make sure to give him compliments and he really appreciates it so, keep it up!

- REINER BRAUN

you guys are THEM guys during training. like you execute everything perfectly especially when you’re together. you guys just got rhythm when it comes to training together, you work so hard to achieve it of course, but it looks so effortless! although the captains want everyone to be in tune with each other like you guys are, they never split you up because you’re just too damn good!! (also reiner loves helping you, it’s so adorbs)

- ANNIE LEONHART

she makes you train. like trainnnn. worse than mikasa fr💀 you go through everything until you’ve perfected it to annie’s standards - to be honest, she just wants you to be safe! she knows she can handle shit on her own and you can too but, it’s just nice for her to know that you’re FULLY prepared. when she sees you starting to struggle, she gives you a quick kiss hehe. (when keith isn’t looking ..)

- BERTOLT HOOVER

your work out is picking up all the stuff that man knocks over. he’s good at what he does, don’t get me wrong but he’s sooo clumsy😭. but mins being a bit of a klutz, you guys get ur bloody training done!! but, at the end of the day, sometimes you feel you haven’t done enough and head back in the evening to refine some skills and he’s always right behind you, being your personal lil’ cheerleader.

- LEVI ACKERMAN

you train more than him seeing as he’s been there, done that! and he’s literally levi ackerman. that man doesn’t need training! tf! anyways, since he is SO good at what he does and you still need that extra bit of help, he acts like a coach! quite a strict coach at that however, compared to other people.. this man may as well be spoon feeding you because he’s so much more gentle and patient. there is still that part of him that’s always pushing you though because he wants nothing more than for you to be safe especially in battle.

- ERWIN SMITH

this man also, doesn’t not train as much anymore. he’s literally the commander, he’s always out in battle but he’s also got his paper work to do! instead of being like levi and acting as a coach, you just start training less and less.. he’ll come to see you and you’re incredible at what you do so, he’ll pull you out early or say you don’t have to go because he genuinely has full faith in you to survive on the battle field and also, means he gets to spend more time with you if you’re training less ;).

- HANGE ZOË

you guys don’t train much! you and hange trained A LOT together a few years back, when you were younger, just some random soldiers in the corps. but back then, you guys didn’t know each other too well but somehow always got put together as partners. almost like you were destined to be together.. anyways, when you trained, you always knew how to have a good time - you’d train to make things fun and exciting instead of the same old routine. after a few years, you mostly took an interest in science and stuck with that and now you guys experiment in the lab together mostly.

[sorensunn]

My Ramblings on Artem and Rosa’s Dynamic Because Holy Shit I’m Losing It (Part 1 of ?)

okay im running on zero (0) hours of sleep so now im going to ramble about Artem’s birthday card (the 1st one not the 2nd one) because it’s just so fucking good??? I’ll also explain more of the story itself since you need context from his Thin Veil card

which is yknow

hidden by a paywall

but i just NEED to ramble my thoughts out about their dynamic so much

anyhow spoilers for Artem’s 1st birthday card below!!

First context from Thin Veil with quick (very quick) notes

okay

1 ) we find out that Artem is actually a movie critic known as Mockingbird — so if you’ve been confused so far with the current birthday event it’s heavily referencing Thin Veil

2 ) this card introduces the fact that Artem loves movies and heavily enjoys the arts and Rosa goes through the museum of movies with him essentially

3 ) due to his love of movies this is what makes Rosa decide to make a scene of his favorite movie for his birthday

okay now onto the birthday card and ill explain more as we go

first off this is absolutely adorable

it’s just??? so funny how Rosa was like: this was my favorite seat because it’s the perfect length from the board so i can see everything and in case i come in late i can sneak in!

and Artem goes: me too <3 — except for the coming in late part — more like he had to leave early because he had to meet with clients after classes like a NERD (affectionate)

next i love the relationship between Rosa and Artem during this card so much

okay so we all know by now that Rosa and Artem had a slight rough(?) start due to the fact that Artem was her boss so it makes sense why it was slightly awkward in the beginning

like why is my boss trying so hard to get to know me

but it’s also the fact that he’s Artem Wing

easily one of the most well known men and is highly intelligent — capable — can easily destroy your reasonings — with a 99% win rate — any person would be intimidated by this tbh because of the fact he seems untouchable

but he’s not

he’s legit a dork and it’s so funny to me

im going to share some notes i took on Artem months back — and i mean months back — prepare yourself it’s a lot of words

i won’t lie i don’t remember fully writing this i must’ve hit a stroke of genius at 2 am and thought: i need to analyze the FUCK out of Artem Wing Right Now otherwise I’ll lose my mind

reminder: this was months ago and i had a vague idea of where they were going to take Artem’s character — part of it i got from the Lost Gold Event (which was the first event if i remember correctly) and some leaks i managed to see about the future cards

i also got Thin Veil early on as i am Not F2P — but i would say a good chunk of it still holds true

to a certain extent that is

Artem over time has grown to understand himself more and to become more assured with his relationship with Rosa and it helps that she’s actually starting to take in the role of being his partner — im saying this in a platonic sense due to the fact i find it fascinating

she’s seen more and more sides of Artem that no one usually sees — because of this Rosa changes how she acts with him

and the change is pretty big

Rosa before the most recent cards (birthday, electrifying night, the por una cabeza card — you get the gist) wouldn’t have even thought about comforting Artem like this

during the beginning of their partnership you see Rosa struggle with trying to comfort Artem without being Personal

if i had the brain power i would search through when exactly this happens but from my current memory it happens on multiple occasions where Rosa is speechless or gets cut off from comforting

but Rosa has changed immensely since the start

before she seemed pretty unsure of herself — doubting and second guessing her choices and decisions which led to quite a number of moments where she didn’t know what to really do

which makes the change even fucking better

with the recent card stories + chapters of the Main Story we got to watch her become more bold, more comfortable with her ideas and thoughts, less second guessing and more Doing

her growth as a character made me super happy — im like a proud parent watching their child become self assured and independent and going out into the world thriving

due to this change her relationships with The Boys have also changed

the whole teams dynamic is amazing to me and i like to put them under my little spotlight and analyze them or think about them — silly all of em

BUT MOVING ON BEFORE I GO ON A TANGENT ABOUT THE WHOLE TEAMS DYNAMIC WITH EACH OTHER

the point is they’re less awkward and more of: “we’re partners” as they look at each other with gentle smiles and tender eyes and feeling secure with one another and with their own individual feelings

if that makes sense god i hope my rambling is making sense

God he loves her so much it hurts me

like yeah obviously in a romantic way but also in that caring way you look at someone and go: i would do anything for you and I’ll stick by your side through thick and thin

this change in their dynamic was exactly what i was waiting for — because in a way this is Artem figuring out his own emotions yknow

because like i said at the start he relied heavily on the Psychology to Love Book that Celestine gave to him

but now he’s pushing more away from that and it’s becoming just natural to him to act and react this way

to say all of these things without embarrassment and being wholeheartedly into it

and honestly i think that’s fucking beautiful

now here’s the fun part

THIS IS ONLY THE START TO THE STORY CARD

THIS THING IS MASSIVE!!! AND HAS SO MUCH GOING ON

so im going to make this into part 1 of i have no clue?? we’ll see how much it takes for me to get through to this HEHDB

[gaylonelydyke]

if it’s not too late, 12 for episodes and ships, and 17!

its never too late! thankyou for the ask 🥰 oo damn this is gonna be a hefty one, just to prepare you this is gonna be long 😅😅😅

spoiler alert for my friends who are finishing up season 2 rn, be careful if you look at my top five episodes, pay attention the the episode numbers, i will put [ ] in bold at the beginning and end of spoilers!

12. Top 5 ships

5. faith x myself because have you seen faith? shes such a babe! spare consensual kiss maam?

4. willow x oz, i dont know if this is an unpopular or not but i feel like if the 90s had been more accepting of term then willow wouldve been bisexual, but like even now tv shows will rarely let characters say that word :( but anyway i love them! theyre both quirky and kinda awkward but its such a sweet relationship and you really see how they go from awkward crushes to an actual deep relationship, oz is one of my favourite characters too what a dude!

3. giles x jenny, mlmxwlw solidarity in this bisexual couple! there is no an ounce of straight between them and i love it, i love their dynamic, i love that giles *respects women* (im staring daggers at xander rn), also the original girlboss x malewife couple askdjaksjhd

2. drusilla x spike, these two!!!!!! once again a bisexual couple with zero straight between them, the vibes are off the charts. sexy vampires, goth x punk love, i just love them man, and their relationship is so interesting to delve into. like theyre vampires, theyre soulless and yet they have a capacity for love, they care deeply for eachother, theyre so tender towards eachother in season 2 in the way they take turns to care for one another, also drusilla picking spike up with one hand made me gay and thats on that

1. willow x tara!!!!! lesbians man lesbians! they have a beautiful relationship, until a certain point wink wink, they feel like a perfect match, willows become more outgoing due to buffy and xander snd having a proper group of friends, so its cool to see her as the more outgoing independant one in the relationship, and tara is such a honey 🥺 the biggest sweetheart in the world what a babe!!!! also like how groundbreaking was their relationship? as a queer couple, they had p much the dame amount of screentime as a aueer relationship today! and willow says the word lesbian so many times and is always making gay jokes which is something shows today are too scared to do, its honestly refreshing which is weird for a show in the 90/00s

12. Top 5 episodes

this is so hard because its such a damn good show so i had to rlly be picky about this but here we go

5. 6x22 ‘grave’- i watched buffy for the first time last year at work coz i worked with one other person just packing shit, and THIS was the episode that made us cry infront of eachother. the scene with willow and xander at the end is one of my all time favourite scenes and like legit we were watching and we starting going like ha.. this is so sad Q_Q and we looked at eachother and we were both crying akdjdjsjdhs its SO GOOD, like this is a friendship ive been so invested in and [seeing xander be able to pull her back from that dark place was so heart wrenching and amazing god its so good]

4. 3x12 ‘helpless’ - im finishing up s2 in my rewatch rn so i havent rewatched this one to double check but i remember loving it man. buffys father daughter relationship with giles is my favourite of the whole show they make my heart ache, so i love that this is an episode that really shows you how dedicated giles is to her, [its the breaking point where he finally disregards the fact that hes a watcher and acts as her father once and for all, its a turning point for their relationship where he is finally embracing the fact that shes like a daughter to him and i just love to see it Q_Q get you a dad who will leave his lifes calling for you]

3. 4x22 ‘restless’ - season 4 is interesting coz it has really good episodes and them some gd awful ones 😂😂 but this one just blew me away, i love a good character study episode and this is THE SHIT! its so weird and creepy but in the most perfect way, its not on the nose its so subtle, it feels like an uncanny valley version of buffy almost, i like that they finished the season first and then took this episode to do something out of the box and different i feel like it lets them fully explore this idea without the pressure of needing plot included. [also the cheese man is iconic. dont however like xander being all nasty with willow and tara but whats new there man]

2. 1x12 ‘The Prophecy Girl’ - for my first watch of buffy i wasnt that into the first season, like i enjoyed it but i didnt think it was anything super special? but this episode changed EVERYTHING for me. up until now buffy had been fun, witty, charming, but not anything new atleast for me, maybe in the 90s it was but right now its your average teen supernatural show. but this episode!!!! the emotion! buffy facing her death, her speech about how shes just 16 and shes scared and she doesnt want to die, that is what i wanna see!! its heartbreaking and it made me cry, and then it gives us the wonderful moment of giles trying to take her place and buffy realising that she has to be the one to do it, man its so good! basically anything with buffy and giles being a duo is gonna make it an automatic yes from me and this is indeed the case for this episode, i just love that the show remembers that shes a child! shes not brave all the time, shes not strong all the time, shes just doing her best and sometimes its overwhelming, 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 i bow to this episode

1. 2x17 ‘passion’ - i know i just sang praises about prophecy girl but THIS EPISODE IS THE SHIT, the best episode full stop. i wont accept any argument. angel is probably my favourite big bad, its so funny to see plain bread, mopey brooding angel become this charismatic, funny, poetic, blood thirsty angelus, hes everything i want in a villain and in this episode he delivers! rip jenny tho love her. i think the tension built around angel is so good, because of his drawings and notes left around, every scene youre worrying like is he here now? are they safe or what? its so tense! and also it is me and im a slag for buffy x giles father daughter moments and this episode fucking delivers! giles discovering jennys dead body is probably one of the best scenes on the show, the dramatic irony is heAVY, we know jenny is dead, we know that these flowers arent from her, but giles is so so happy, and i want to see him happy but you just know somehing horrific is about to happen and damn does it. its a masterpiece! i love jenny and giles so much it is so sad, but also the fact that it gave us that scene makes me almmmoost ok with it? i also love the moment where giles breaks down in buffys arms, hes been there for her and now shes returning the favour and hes accepting it i just 😭😭😭 also on a different note, angels narration of this episode is amazing! it gives us great insight to who he is as “evil angel” and like even though hes awful i was also kind of rooting for him coz hes just such a great villain

sorry this is so long lmao, last question!

17. Which characer do you wish had less of a focus on them in the show?

i dont wanna get yelled at butttttt i dont like the amount of focus on dawn. i think it makes sense for the her first season considering the story arc but that season really does double down its focus onto dawn and buffy and it barely leaves room for anyone else to have a storyline, it keeps the episodes super depressing too its like a constant level of just sadness the whole time because we’re so stuck in THEIR arc, theres no room to balance it out and have a breather, some people might like that its more serious but i really really didnt like, i love episodes like prophecy girl where it is campy and brings the more emotional notes in when the time comes, but dawns whole arc is just constantly depressing the whole time i just hate it, and also just shes not a character i felt i could connect to because of how suddenly shes introduced, so its weird to have her SO focused on in the first half of that season coz we dont know her yet so i feel like the emotional moments dont land the way that they should? basically they shouldve eased us into dawn or introduced her differently and maybe i would like her enough to want the focus on her but i really just dont

adksjakjshd apologies for the essay this is, thanks for the ask!

[irrealisms]

very glad you're in favor of lying to therapists-- there's a lot i wish i could tell my therapist but i don't have the words, and saying a lot of it would get me hospitalized as it mainly relates to me deriving immense pleasure from causing myself pain. i feel it's almost hypocritical to be okay with someone else consensually hurting me but when i hurt myself (for the purpose of seeking pleasure) it is suddenly a huge concern.

ohhhh i have a lot of things to say to this but honestly the first thing is that this is #relatable. a Huge Mood.

okay now time for my ramblings. this is such a thing that can honestly be really frustrating and can make things hard? like, i self harm /and also/ i’m a masochist, and some of these experiences are super different, but then other times they’re... not. for the most part i have the policy of telling my therapist when i self-harm out of emotional pain reasons and not just Ooh Stimmy reasons, but sometimes it is genuinely hard to tell those apart, from both directions! and also that policy has.... mostly fallen by the wayside since I’ve had therapists who would report to my parents every time I self-harmed. (spoiler: it didn’t make me stop self-harming, it just made me stop telling them when I did.) honestly, I highly recommend asking your therapist outright (ideally on the first day! this is always the first question I ask when considering therapists) when they consider it justified to break confidentiality and/or suggest hospitalization and/or hospitalize a client involuntarily. some therapists won’t take any action about self-harm; if you can find one who fits your other criteria and is helpful, this might be a question to ask them, as long as you’re willing to lie if the answer is that they will.

the other thing is safety. (this is not actually a reason to tell your therapist, btw, people in general tend to be super bad at judging which things are safe and which things aren’t.) if you’re doing something for pleasure, you probably don’t want to die! a lot of “coping mechanisms for self-harm” are just maximally safe ways to self-harm, like snapping a rubber band against yourself or putting your hand in ice water. other things you might like that are basically zero-risk: spicy food, waxing, getting your flu shot, (nsfw) figging. when cutting yourself, avoid veins and arteries; when hitting yourself, avoid organs and bones. one of the most famous “people are really bad at judging what’s safe and what isn’t” examples is that fireplay and waxplay are less dangerous than slapping someone’s face hard. in general, anywhere that’s covered in fat (breasts, butt, thighs) is gonna be safer to hurt than places that aren’t (face, neck). there are some things where having a partner does improve safety a LOT— especially if you’re doing anything where you might go unconscious before you’re able to respond (don’t do solo breathplay, kids). if you’re doing anything with infection risk, keep a fully stocked first-aid kit, use it, and be mentally prepared to suck up your pride and go to the doctor if you have to. i’m not an expert on this, but in general, you’re going to want to be looking for BDSM safety guides and self-harm harm-reduction. don’t 100% trust advixe from anyone who isn’t an expert (including me!), because, again, it can be REALLY unintuitive which things are dangerous and which are low-risk. (note that i DIDN’T include exercise on my zero-risk list; IME, it can range from “healthier than not exercising” to “significantly less safe than cutting”, depending how good you are at noticing the difference between good pain and bad pain while exercising and whether you consistently stop when you experience the latter.) if you’re doing high-risk things and don’t want to compromise on them (for example, if you’re me age 15 and are super into solo breathplay) please please PLEASE look up safety/harm reduction/risk minimization guides. (if you’re unwilling to do this, consider that you might, in fact, be self-harming; putting yourself in risky situations is a form of self-harm, even if the situation is one you enjoy.)

there’s also a thing where.... okay this is gonna be controversial but. safely practiced self harm is not actually an inherently bad thing! for me, self harm is often a bad sign because it signals that my normal strategies for distress tolerance have failed, that i am in so much emotional pain that i’m relying on this for endorphins. other times it’s bad because it signals my belief that i deserve to be hurt. these are bad things! my pain is bad! but the badness isn’t located in the self-harm, they’re located in my motivations, and (sometimes) in the fact that i’m inflicting a negative experience on myself without a reason. the self-harm is more measurable, so it makes a good metric of how well I’m doing, but it isn’t actually the goal, except insofar as I want to avoid scaring other people. (my friend wrote a post about this; I’ll link it in a reply to this ask, because I’m on an ancient version of tumblr mobile and don’t trust it with links. I’ll also drop a link to the Icarus Project’s short workbook on self-harm.)

[dredreadsdrawing]

Oc-Tober Day 16: Palette

my tablet annoys me but i continue to draw with it :,o oof. 

I used this Palette day for my other beloved DnD oc. Reir the bastard half-elf rogue from a prestigious elf-mafia lolol. Thank goodness I had already wrote her backstory in a word dock like, in February XD Augh writing one bigass story is enough for today. Here it is: 

Reir is a half-elf. She was born from the daughter of the biggest elf-run criminal organization, and a poor young farmer. Whilst on the run, her mother was injured and almost died, but Reir’s father found and saved her. They fell in love while she recovered, but she was picked up quickly by her brother and taken back to their city base.

She missed the farm and countryside, so she’d sneak to visit her love secretly for years. When her father and brother found out, they freaked. A lowly, much younger human was no worthy life-companion for their rose. After losing Reir’s grandmother, they became incredibly overprotective of her because of her, and this situation was no exception. They put her under house-arrest and threatened the farmer with violence.

After years of tolerating their suffocating doting, she couldn’t handle any more. She broke out and ran to him. He agreed to running away with her, to start over somewhere else. Things were going well along their travels, until they hit an impasse and were ambushed. Her love was killed in front of her eyes. She was taken back to be a bird in their cage, her will to fight now extinguished.

A month later, her pregnancy was diagnosed. Her brother was the only one to find out along with her, and before he could report it to his father, she pleaded to keep it a secret. She wanted to keep the child; she had a new reason to live. He gave in and helped her hide it from their father, unknowingly assisting her in her last attempt to escape as well.

She ran away again, planning to get her child away from their overbearing crime life, but she had waited for too long to put her plan into play. She started giving birth mid-way into her travel, stuck somewhere alone with no help for miles. By the time her family found her, her brother forced to tell his father the secret, she was dead, her child wrapped around her arms and kicking fussily.

Her father was in despair. He punished her brother severely, blaming him for her death, while also dropping the baby to be his responsibility. He refused her legitimacy. He had plans to expand their territory and claims, but died soon after the incident, rumors floating that he took his life from the grief. Now the brother was alone as the head of the family, stuck with a baby without a family name.

He planned to abandon her to an orphanage, thought there was no place for a child in his life. But her likeness to her mother outweighed her likeness to her father, and he couldn’t go through. He ended up dumping her to two of his subordinates; a half-orc and another half-elf. She was to live in seclusion at the top floor of their base.

He was an absent father figure to her. He’d visit rarely and briefly just to overlook her education. He saw the job of raising her as a lower priority, put his duties as the leader of the organization above all else. To quiet her every time she acted out of line, he would punish her the same way his father would his sister; he’d lock her in a quiet, dark room. Instead of taking the punishment meekly and learning to be good, she took it as a challenge and rebelled from everything he threw at her.

She grew picking up the worst habits. If she wanted something, she’d no longer ask for it. Stealing was easier and more fun. If she wanted to know what others were doing, she’d simply follow them; she trained herself to be quiet and stealthy. Because she was constantly thrown into the room, she learned to hide things in her clothing and body, to pick locks, to adjust to the darkness quickly and to climb from ledges half an inch thick. As a child, she was a nuisance. As a teenager, she was a menace. As a newly fledged adult, she was an outright criminal working outside of her uncle’s interests and solely for her own.

When she became of age, she thought he would finally induct her into the gang, but that day never came. He assured her she would never be a part of them and gave her a list of reasons why. She took it ‘in slide’; if he didn’t want her, it was his loss. She went crazy with her crimes, never thinking of the consequences, or of the mess she’d leave behind. She could always run back to the comfort of the organization’s name even when she wasn’t a part of it.

She was giving their business a bad reputation. If he couldn’t control his own brat, how could he keep his subordinates in check? Contacts began pulling back, the city law enforcement was asking for bigger bribes, everything was going to shit. Her uncle was done covering for her, and he gave her a final threat. He told her no more tricks, no more stunts, no more getting out of the house. She would be a good girl, or she would be disowned completely. He wasn’t playing around. She nodded along, but rationalized his anger as stemming from her debt. So she just needed to pay everything back huh? As soon as he left, she planned her biggest scam.

She stole millions from the mayor, not knowing he was already under the gang’s thumb. She stored the money in the organization’s vault, and proudly paraded her deed. She was called to her uncle’s office, and she prepared herself for her induction. She dressed in her finest, prepared a beaming smile. She opened the door, going into a speech about how it was finally time for her to make her grand entrance, but one look at her uncle’s face shut her up. She smiled awkwardly, trying to get a rise out of him. What, no hug? A high five? Her uncle raised his hand. Excited, she made to move towards him, but was immediately knocked out by henchmen behind her.

Without a word of farewell, she was shipped far away, dumped across the world with a two day stay at an inn, a dagger, and a bag of coins. She woke up confused and without even a note of explanation. She was alone, and cut off.

 Extra info:

The half-orc and half-elf truly love her and treat her like their daughter. Her difficult relationship with her uncle was the root of her bad behaviorism though, and they felt powerless as they watched her fall into more and more hopeless tries for his attention. When she was shipped, they were heartbroken. They were never told of her final threat or how it happened, they were simply fired from their job as ‘nannies’, and reinstated in grunt work. They hold a grudge against her uncle and fully plan on escaping the organization to look for her.

To further explain her bad behavior from her uncle’s perspective: Her mother was a model-obedient girl type. She was an angel who always did what she was told (until she fell in love.) She had been kind, patient, and loving; the perfect sister and the perfect woman in her uncle’s eyes. Her daughter though, was the worst. She was a brat, rebellious, selfish, overconfident, and had zero regard for others.

Her nannies could see where all of these negative properties stemmed from as she grew. She became rebellious as a form of getting his attention, she’s self-centered because she was never taught to work in a team and never even had any friends, and she’s overconfident because she’s learned a lot from what she considers the best criminals. However, her uncle never spent much time with her at all. He never truly got to know her, and never had one on one conversations with her about herself. He was only ever around long enough to see the bad, never stuck around to figure out the good.

She was extremely caring towards her two father figures, the half-orc and half-elf. She’s clever and an extremely quick-learner; gifted in everything she put her mind to. She was determined to the point of being naïve; she always believed even when she pretended she didn’t need it, that her uncle would open up and accept her one day if she did a job big enough. She’s also super optimistic. She never lets anyone or anything bring her down, and has never let herself get depressed. She’s smart enough to get through anything; her overconfidence always shone through.

I’m uh, making some quick stuff for oc-tober lol. im sooooooooo behind :,o but i managed to get semi-caught up..... tomorrow ill have to do today’s theme lol Im jsut abit too depressed today :(

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 1 | Part. 1 “Can I Kick the Tomb?”- Kendall

Me before Day 1 of Hosts: “I really am excited to be back and playing my official last season of Tumblr Survivor (and ORG) ever.” *40 SEASONS LATER*

https://66.media.tumblr.com/9abe7e9a250f88588980b89fdbc5bd6f/tumblr_pj4lahOlsg1s34uqa_400.gifv

I’m back for another shot and I’m thrilled to see where this goes! It’s been three years since I last played an ORG so I can’t wait to see how much Tumblr Survivor has changed. And who knows, maybe I’ll be lucky this time around. The main thing I’m looking to accomplish this time around is that I have fun! I feel like I took my previous seasons way too seriously (what can I say, I’m competitive) and I feel like that clouded my judgement. I mean, I’d like to win too!! But I want to be able to enjoy myself and make friendships that last a long time outside of this game. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I am currently at home as an unemployed college graduate. So, I feel like this is the perfect time for me to get back into the Tumblr Survivor community and get another shot at an ORG before my life gets busy again. In the past, ORGs have really conflicted with my work/life structure. That’s mainly why I said I’d never do orgs again, because I hated having internal mental breakdowns in public. I didn’t think I’d give it another go around, but now that I don’t have work/school to focus on. And since I have no idea how long this pandemic will last, might as well find ways to occupy my time through ORGs. I feel like I have done almost everything one can do on Tumblr Survivor… except win. Here is a quick summary of the games I played previously to help me reflect on what I can improve upon this time around. First time around, I was a mid-merge boot in Maluku after I was exposed for flipping on the fans and lost everyone’s trust. In Newfoundland, I was sapphire idoled out as an early merge boot for being in charge of the dominant alliance. In Ancient Greece, I was a 4th place robbed goddess after literally controlling the whole game and cut loose by my alliance right before FTC. And in Hosts, I flipped on my OG alliance after finding out people in the alliance wanted me out and got runner-up. So I hope that I can change things around this season and HOPEFULLY win (I’ll cry if I’m a pre-merge boot). My strategy going into this game is just to get to know people on a human level and allow them to think I’m someone who will follow commands/take orders. I don’t want to be the person deciding who goes home, but I want people to feel comfortable talking their every game move with me. Perception is key for this game, so if my allies think they can drag me to the end I’m going to let them think that. I’m hoping with that perception, I can be a subtle move maker this season. Almost as if no one sees me coming for them. I find that my fault in previous seasons is that I either put myself in the leadership role, or I’m too far in the bottom that I’m criticized for all decisions I make. I’m hoping that I have trust for those who are in the alliance within the alliance so that we can eventually overthrow whoever the person in charge is. For now, I just want to socialize and get to know people and hope that by increasing the social game the strategy will all fall into place. One thing that does scare me going into this season is possible pre-existing relationships. I’ve been out of Tumblr Survivor for the past three years and honestly have no idea what happened in previous seasons. I also don’t really keep up with anyone in the community either, so I’m going in with almost zero connections. This could be a good thing or a bad thing. The good thing is that it allows me to form genuine relationships with them, and I can ensure to my alliance that I’m 100% loyal to them going forward. Numbers are important, so if my tribe sees me as a number it would indicate. The bad thing is that if people know each other, then they could easily get me out if they choose to do so. Especially if they know my reputation as a “flipper” and think I won’t be trustworthy going into a merge/endgame. So I’m hoping that if I have a strong presence on night 1 that I can be included in the alliances and get my way into the majority. Because the last thing I’d want is to be Ethan Zohn’d out of the game. Waiting all this time just to be pre merge would be TRAGIC. Overall, I’ve grown over the past three years and I hope that I can reflect that onto this season. Since I last played an ORG, I came out to everyone through social media and I’ve been able to increase my self-confidence. Last time I played I just finished my freshmen year of college. Now, I’m graduating and going to attend graduate school to get my masters degree. I feel like I’ve grown and matured as a person, so I’m going into this season almost as a completely different person. There’s no holding myself back from anyone and I know that at the end of the day, I’m just here to have fun. So I’m ready for this big adventure that’s ahead of me, because I’m hoping to finish my last ORG (forreal) on a high note!

okay so the season hasn't even started yet and in a shock to nobody i'm already cracked out of my mind? i have fully been spiralling and researching who could possibly also be in the cast based on their avatars? i'm not gonna embarrass myself and put who i have predicted because whenever i put that in a confessional im always wrong without fail? anyway so thought i'd put what my plan is here SO when i completely do not follow this i can look back at myself for being a clown? BUT anyway this season coming back as a winner is very, very scary. it looks like i am going to be the only winner on my tribe, and one of only three winners in the entire game which is very very scary. also last season i was able to kind of operate from a position of being super underestimated? like nobody had eyes on me and that allowed me to get away with murder, and this season i need to play with a consistent awareness that people will... know what shenanigans i'm pulling and always will be tentative to let me play unrestricted. also i am so happy about being on the brawn tribe - that is SUCH a good landing spot for me. i would hate to be a winner put on a tribe for social ability (beauty), or strategic ability (brain)... it also means hopefully i could be in a tribe with less social people who are just challenge beasts, so as long as i am pulling my weight in challenges hopefully can wriggle my way in? the avatars on my tribe are real hard to place, two are not players i even recognise and from looking at the wiki - my only guess is someone called jake from generations is na'onka? just because he is also on the record page for immunity wins... so we will see? i'm just very very worried that i'm going to become alienated for being a former winner but i really. really hope that's not the case! in general... my aim is to just make jury, there are gonna be like no winners in this cast and there are going to be such eyes on me accordingly, so i need to play much more round by round, with a survival mentality? this season is gonna be a disaster for me but we will see how it goes NNNN.

I’m back… somehow! It’s kinda crazy how this is my sixth season of Tumblr Survivor (and my first TS game in like almost two years) but I was just wanting to play. I’ve done just about everything you can do in TS (leave premerge, participate in a Redemption Island duel, be a tribe swap captain, win individual immunity, have an idol, have a double vote, go home with an advantage, be the last person from your original tribe, leave in a rock draw, negate votes with an idol, and make it to the end)... except win, I haven’t quite been able to do that just yet! However, that is all gonna change in Akhmim and I’m sending that in stone. (watch me be a clown and leave first gfbndms). I don’t know, I just really want to prove myself as a capable player yknow? Ultimately, I’m here to look cute, chew bubblegum and kick ass. (‘:

Oh my god, synapses are firing all throughout my brain right now. I didn't prepare myself well enough for this season, but...I have friends here! LMAO! Jordan and Liam L are two people I know very well, I've seen Jakey around on FB, and I've spotted Ali on Discord! I'm hoping I can just integrate myself well enough cause there's a lot happening for me right now...

So I’m on Hathor which is the Beauty Tribe which… does not surprise me at all really? Not saying that I’m pretty or anything but I got 2 brain cells and suck at challenges so being a Beauty was my only option oop. That being said, looking at my Tumblr Survivor ~career~, I’ve only gotten 7 votes (only 5 that count) in the last 3 seasons that I played where I got 6th, 12th, and 2nd place SO that must mean I’m doing something right to be in people’s good graces? With that in mind, I want to be the Belle of the Ball and be the cutest beauty here so people wanna love me, protect me, and work with me <3

Jess, 6:51 PM Unfortunately, you have not entered the Tomb.. 6:52 PM Can I kick the Tomb? Alyssa, 6:52 PM you can 6:52 PM I kick the tomb Alyssa, 6:52 PM Unfortunately you have not entered the tomb

oh gorl. i cant believe it ladies and gays we're BACK BACK BACK AGAIN.... thanks coronavirus for completely putting my life on pause making me unemployed and able to have the time to do this again? No but on a serious note who in the hell would've guessed little old me coming back out HOPEFULLY one last time, and my mission this time is quite simple. WIN ALREADY BITCH. ITS ABOUT TIME, ITS ENOUGH, WE'RE TIRED. This will officially be my third time playing tumblr survivor, so lemme try and give yall a quick recap just so everyone knows a little bit about me. My very first time playing, I was an extremely young and naive 17 year old who was COMPLETELY tripping, yet it somehow worked for me and I made it to day 39 in og egypt. However, I didnt get a damn vote so that's when I first realized maybe I got some growing to do.... Fast forward to 2 years later, i was 19, moved out of my parents house, living on my own, so a little bit of character development on my own part, and it reflected in my game so much. I was learning from my mistakes and it got to a point where...i legitimately had a shot to win!! I was being smart and strategic, but, I made one mistake that cost me everything when I was so close, top 5, not too bad. 3 years later, and here we are. I'm still living on my own, im no longer that ugly ducking baby adam but now im slowly on my path to mother goose moment! im in a place in my life where im not only physically feeling myself, but I now know who I really am. With age comes wisdom and another chance at tumblr survivor!! Being this is my 3rd time I absolutely want to go all out. I want to WIN. Im so ready, especially on a season like this, brains vs. braun vs. beauty, one of my favorite twists especially because beauty just means so much to me. Not even in like a vain way honestly, like yeah i know im a bad bitch i know im a cutie physically but to me being a beauty is being able to really have a sense of CHARM about you and being able to get whatever you want with it Looking back at my games in tumblr survivor, and in life in general, i usually get my way with the help of my big mouth. I'm absolutely not the best in the challenges, and i might not always be the one who's able to come up with a big plan, but one thing about me thats for sure is im always one to find my way in the know somehow. In both my seasons I played with a very similar approach, first i assess my tribe and everyone in the game and see how workable i feel with people, and from there on i start building relationships. It's like gardening, you find the people you connect the most with, and build from there, and the ones i dont, i simply wont waste my time with and theyll be the ones i vote out, but ultimately as long as it aint me, then oop sorry to these people not me already writing a whole book and i havent even started talking about anyone but MYSELF YET DSFFHJKAFH.....im so sorry @hosts pls forgive me i warned yall i go on and on but ANYWHO ill try to wrap this up. Basically, im in love with my tribe right now, ive obviously talked to everyone and been having really good conversations with Augusto and Kendall. I really like them and could definitely see myself aligning with them. But aside from them I was honestly GAGGED AND GOOPED to see some familiar faces even on this TRIBE. AMIR is someone who i know from way back when in my tumblr candicestewart days when i was raising hell, we were mutuals but havent spoken since so years really, however in a game like this you can take the tiniest bit of association and use it as a groundwork for trust, so stay tuned for that...also AJ?????? me and him have spoken every now and then through various communities we fall into so thats another interesting dynamic, im not sure how anyone feels about me but im hoping they just like me enough not to be the first boot... Also im really glad there doesnt seem to be a lot of juggernaut type players here, my last season was challengers vs. champions so there was a LOT going on with 10 winners and 10 challenger, but speaking of that season i almost forgot to mention JAKE???? JAKE IS BACK TOO???? this.....could be really bad for me. For those who dont know, in cvc, me/jake/jessy had an iconic alliance because of our ~herstory together which stems back to us all being 14/15, and yeah i worked with them for as long as i could, but jake basically ran a cult on challengers vs champions which obviously i wasnt a target as long as i had them as shields by my side so we worked well together, until final 6 that is when i made my move and my vote was the reason jake went home. My whole season people kept saying adam just wants to sleep and play their game, when the truth was, im no dummy, i always knew id have to turn on them, it was just about waiting for the right moment and thats what i did, and if i could go back, id do it again! However, this is a completely new game so to me its a do over, i hope he doesnt have any baggage against me but i guess we'll just have to wait and see if we ever make it on the same tribe even, but i know he's just as good as me so i think we'll see each other again real soon.. this is my 3rd time playing, ive had a good cirie run but i do NOT want to be hvv'd cirie'd whatsoever. and thats kinda my fear coming back, I wanna be able to keep playing lowkey and having people underestimate me for as long as i possibly can, because guess what thats what works every time, these people are such fools they fall for it over and over again! they absolutely should beware of me because im here, and im in it, and i will absolutely lie cheat etc to just about anyone if it means getting me farther. ive got plenty of friends, im here for my virtual crown anywho. first book over with. i swear this was only so long because i was taking about myself too much, wont be as bad next time! well lemme not be delusional i do love talking about myself but xoxo thats it for now time to go back to having conversations and praying if we lose this challenge im not first boot

also getting to (hopefully) play with autumn again? the egyptian gods are good to me 

So I’m making my Day 1 confessional mainly so that I hit the 500-word requirement for the first challenge. Tumblr Survivor is different than when I last played 3 years ago. I hope I don’t come across as doing TOO MUCH but I’ve already started on the challenge and I’m trying to spend the first few days socializing and getting to know people. My goal is to have people come to me with alliances because it shows to me that they want to work with me. If I lay the foundation for the alliances, then I get the image that I’m running things. And I want other people to fill those shoes so that I can play an under the radar game. I feel like this is a group of people that I can stick with long term. I have a reputation for being a flipper, so I’m hoping that I can show to the Brains tribe that I plan to be loyal to these people long term in this game. But I also hope that I’m never put in a position where people want me to flip. Anyways, here’s my Day 1 analysis of my tribe: Trace – We played in Maluku together 6 years ago and I flipped on the fans the first tribal to vote him out. Granted, he got his revenge by making me the first boot of a versus side season, I hope he doesn’t try to seek vengeance now. So far I feel like we’re gonna be civil with one another. We talked about him and his boyfriend Matt, how he got a new dog just 3 days before quarantine, and how he recently moved to San Jose California. To me, it makes me think things are pretty civil between us. I could see Trace being a future leader of this tribe, so I hope that he goes about taking that role and makes the first move against people so I can work alongside him. Isaac – My history with Isaac is that I hosted Malaysia, and I feel like we’re on good terms. Which is nice because I don’t have to do the small talk with him and can just go right into the strategy. Sadly I don’t know him too well since he was voted out Day 6, but I felt bad that he was an early boot. The age difference between him and the other contestants played a role in it :/. But right now we’re hitting the ground running with things. We’re talking about my dog at the moment (which I intentionally changed my profile pic to her so that people would use it as conversation starters – we love strategic thinking!) Devon – I like Devon, but at the same time, I also see right through him. Devon’s trying to play a UTR game. I respect that, however, I’m trying to play a UTR game too. We had a brief call to solidify our allegiance to each other. He told me how he was loyal to Alyssa and Jess and they screwed him over big time during Guyana. So I’m seeing that he already has a plan to make sure that doesn’t happen. I want to keep him around because I could see the two of us being a dynamic duo going forward, similarly to Me/Matt in Maluku or Me/Andrew in Hosts. I need to make sure someone else calls the shots and brings me/devon in so we can plot against getting them out. Also, he’s really attractive and it saddens me that he’s straight so I now have to work on that. Autumn – a QUEEN!!! I love her! She’s iconic, she’s a legend, she’s never the same, she’s talented, she’s EVERYTHING! Considering that she’s one of 3 females on this cast, I hope that she and I can be the iconic male/female duo that I have every time I play. Similarly to Me/Maria in Maluku, Me/Lizard in Newfoundland, Me/Gerda in Ancient Greece, & Me/Jessy in Hosts. Right now we’re bonding over graduate school and the severity of the pandemic, so I hope that we can work together long term in the game because I love her. I also have to be careful with her because she’s won before. Duncan – I like Duncan so far too. We’ve played an org season together before I took my 3-year hiatus, but I don’t remember which one. And neither does he LOL. But so far we’ve just talked about psychology since we have a lot of respect for that field and how survivor is a huge social experiment. I’m hoping that he doesn’t see me as a major threat because of our intellectual talk. I like him so far, so hopefully, we can work together going forward. We’ve also talked about the types of dogs we both have and what we’ve been up to with our lives, which I like being able to get to know everyone. Bodhi – I messaged him saying “hi” and he ignored me, so I am comfortable with him being the first boot. However, I will need to have other people go and say they want him out so I can be like “cool let’s do it”. Maybe this will change tomorrow, we’ll see. But that’s where I’m at right now. Overall, I think I have a good fitting with the group. I don’t like that no one’s made an alliance chat yet, but I think my conversation with Devon confirms that I have allies going forward. Plus it's also Day 1, so no one wants to make that type of move yet. I’m hoping that by sticking with the social game for now that I can get people to like me and include me in alliances that they have. For now, I’m just gonna keep talking about my dog until that happens 😊

hey guys its me, again. I know i said I was done going on and on but now i have some tea! the tea is: IM PISSED. last time i played in challengers vs. champions i made it my prerogative to be the first one to find the hidden immunity idol, and so guess what for the last 4 1/2 hours ive been DECIPHERING and trying to figure out how to get it, first i spent 2 hours learning heiroglyphyics because my dumbass really thought it was hidden in plain sight right on our logo! until i realized it made no sense at all, but hey, good to know ill be able to find my way through an egyptian pyramid now if i ever need to! So i kept digging, a little deeper until i seen these little numbers on the blog under all the cast reveals, this was what told me i had just wasted my time with the heiroglyphs but that i was onto an actual lead now, so upon doing that, i was messaging both aj and amir discussing my theories with them because i figured if i didnt find it, i wouldnt mind them finding it....but i definitely just want it for myself first because cmon this is survivor and we havent even had any tribals yet, therefor sure ill let people THINK i trust them, but at the end of the day i only truly trust me, myself, and i. amir then helped me crack that the numbers on the blog actually spelled out the three gods names that our tribes are named after, so then about another hour goes by and i cant find NOTHING ive tried flipping the names, doing research into them, and got nowhere. until i realized, it was so simple, all i needed to do was look at MY tribes god, HATHOR, and then i took that name and coded it into numbers, which lead me to finding the idol trigger. Lemme tell yall how ecstatic I was to find it, it made all my work tonight completely worth it, or at least i thought until i tried entering the tomb and had to answer these questions to get in, and i got one wrong along the way..... I WAS SO CLOSEEEEEEEEEEE, THEN MY DUMBASS OVERTHOUGHT ONE OF THE EASIEST QUESTIONS AND BLEW IT. now i have to wait another 24 hours before trying again, which drives me crazy, i solved and cracked this puzzle within 4 hours, who's to say every other person on this tribe wont do the same? if someone finds it and gets it all right before i do, im gonna be so mad at myself but hey at least i tried, im gonna give myself kudos for figuring that shit out it was not easy!!! and i at least made what i would assume would be one of the first attempts at it, so anyone else who tries yall are copying me and trust you WILL hear from my lawyers!

i am not as upset to be back as i thought i would be! i don't hate the cast and theres only one person in the game that im not excited to see and ironically, its not jordan pines. I got stuck with a bunch of mayo boys at first but then you guys blessed me by bringing autumn into the tribe. THATS MY DAUGHTER AMERICA! i literally was the one to bring her into the community and never got to play with her, i think its crazy that after such a long hiatus from us both that the quarantine gifted me the chance to play with her. Hopefully i can last longer than 1 round to enjoy it lol. Also the boys aren't that bad! They're all really pleasant and enjoyable so far and i found out Trace used to live in STL so we're bonding on that! I'm hoping i can do well but ultimately I'm enjoying this tribe for what its worth but i just can't figure out what to do to go idol hunting haha.

To start, it’s important to acknowledge how good it feels to be back in TS. I wasn’t quite too sure what kind of cast to expect, considering most members from my original season, Guyana, would likely feel uneasy with me in the game. However, it looks like TJ is the only one from Guyana representing this season, which is great news for me. Even then, TJ and I got along great after the season ended, so he doesn’t worry me in the long run. My current tribe is clearly skilled in the social game, because everyone has been active beyond belief. Right now, I would describe my closest ally as Scott. He is a clear-cut threat, but has a lot more connections than I do and could be useful to me in the early stages of the game. We called for a bit last night, and continued to be around the bush about gameplay. However, if we ever lost a challenge, I feel like he’d run with whatever plan we come up with. In terms of my LEAST closest connection, I’d go with Bodhi. He’s a nice kid, but we just don’t relate and he can come across as arrogant at times. Scott has already mentioned him as a first boot, so I’ll likely stay clear of any game talk with Bodhi for the time being unless its pushed onto my lap. My biggest blessing/curse in this game will be the fact that I’ve played FAR less times than a majority of the players. Almost gives a ‘Russell Hantz’ vibe. Far less credibility entering a new season with experienced and well known players, but also means there is less material for them to know about when it comes to my game. As long as I don’t overplay my hand and let the game talk come to me, I could set myself up PERFECTLY on the Brains tribe. Autumn has been fairly quiet, but we talked a bit about television shows, which is great common ground to build on. It would be hard to classify her as a threat right now, but I wonder how much she has been talking to others. As for Isaac, he came in late to my DMs because of his work shift. We both work within food service, so it was nice to reflect on our work shifts and ask him about his interests. I think he’s capable of being someone worth working with, but no game talk has taken place between us. If we lose an upcoming challenge, I expect for that to change rather quickly. When it comes to Duncan, I’m not sure how to read him yet. He’s oddly active, and has likely been talking to everyone for an extensive period. I’d like to say I trust him, but I’m sure others feel a similar way. It will be difficult to pinpoint him as a threat to others, but we will see how things unfold based on the challenge trend. Finally, there was Trace. We held a steady conversation for a bit, but then he disappeared. Would likely make for an “inactive” boot if he doesn’t turn around his social game early, but things happen. Based on the number of times he has played already, it would be ideal to get rid of him within the first 3-5 rounds of the game.  

Here’s my cast assessment: Brains: Scott – This guy seems awesome. He seems smart, he seems well-spoken, he seems humble. I’m really excited to meet this guy down the line. Bodhi – All I know about him is he’s supposedly a crackhead and you should be careful around strategically… not sure how I’d fit in there. Trace – I like him! Funny, sassy, he and I totally need to meet! Devon – Fucking Slithers… Isaac – I’m hoping this isn’t the Isaac I fought with in a different game because this guy seems really funny and genuine. Duncan – What is he wearing? Autumn – She seems chill. I’d like to talk to her and get to know her some more. Beauties: Austin – He seems like a good southern boy, but I imagine there’s a diabolic side to him that the intro video doesn’t show. I’m gonna watch out for him. Adam – Another funny guy. He’s got a great personality and I could see making it far, but I also see him as someone that could get to self-involved and make a mistake down the line. Kendall – Ok, she’s cute and funny. Please let her be my new Lexi (and don’t let her be like Alyssa) Augusto – Seems like a good guy, but I’m not sure how our styles would mesh just based on his introduction Connor – Is this Zwooper Connor? Because like… hell yes!!! AJ – Not sure what to say here. Not much of an intro. But he seems interesting. Amir – I’m curious to see what this guy is like. I could see him being like someone I played with my first season which would be intriguing. Brawns: Dan – I’ve been hosted by Dan. I’ve played with Dan. I think he could be a great person to work with moving forward and I’m excited to reconnect with him. Liam M – He’s a funny guy from my interactions from him. He’s been quiet, but I’d imagine he’s not that quiet. TJ – Dumbass Liam L – I love Liam. We just finished another season together, so I could see us working well together Jakey – This guy is F-U-N-N-Y! I need him around. Jordan – Is this guy full of himself? Or like… how do you name a season after yourself? Ali – I like this guy. He’s going to be a social threat as a winner, so I’m gonna let him make himself a bigger threat.

okay so this is going to be my five hundred word confessional! My cast assessment is uploading so this is going to be a bit out of order but some updates. im now in an alliance with jordan and jake so life is GOOD. I love them both and they're both kinda chaotic and super fun which is super exciting! i also cracked the idol code with dennis yesterday in my host chat! my plan is to search again in three hours when i can, hopefully snag the idol and then tell my two lovelies so i can build trust. thats the goal anyway... in other news... trace from brain thinks he is SO slick. he edited his wiki to remove the fact that him and connor are friends like sir... the fact y'all hosted together is enough for people to be worried about you, you going all FBI level redacted is so stupid? it makes it look like MORE of a thing. anyway so if i can get my way one of connor or trace (or both im not picky) would go prejury... hehehehhe hmm wowie five hundred words is a lot more than i thought.... anyway so other thoughts lemme think... i think my game plan this season is something im going to stick to of gravitating towards the big personalities and threats. like i need cover as a winner with that said im very lucky that im probably the worst winner of the three? amir is literally one of the scariest ever and im terrified of him... and autumn i love her but she is more fun and strategic than me! like me landing on brawn is also great, because i'd rather be seen as brawny than strategic or social... god i really do not know how to fill up 500 words this is so tough not enough has happened yet hmmm... maybe i update my tribe thoughts... so Jake I LOVE, he is so much fun and i think we are gonna really really vibe... im excited hehehe. Jordan Pines is a legit legend, like he is gonna be SUCH a hoot i feel it... me jordan and jakey are literally gonna blow stuff up on this tribe and beyond im MANIFESTING it. others on my tribe... TJ is lovely! he talks so formally hehe its like our conversation is a script? like its human but its slightly rehearsed and weird its odd. British Liam I really like I really wanna stick with him but I am worried for him about being an easy vote? I wanna keep him safe tbh... then other Liam is ofc close to Jordan, which btw im SO glad jordan like addressed head on with me... im kinda fine with him sticking around now at this point... dan I love too! i think at this point my priorities are sticking with jake and jordan, while also protecting liam lovelis if he becomes a target because i really like him!! liam m first boot if jordan is fine with it, otherwise TJ...

I haven't done one of these yet and honestly, I am just gonna spill a little about my tribe? I like everyone a lot so far. I hope that we can win some challenges and stay safe for a while. I really like Ali, Jordan, and Jakey so far. But also, I know them from before this. Ali and I have never played together I don't think but we have always talked about wanting to. Jakey and I go waaaay back. He is actually from the same part of NY as me. We had a rocky relationship years ago but we have both come a really long way maturity wise. Then there is Mr. Jordan Pines. We always have good intentions and want to work with one another, but we always seem to start off on track, and then identify each other as threats and kill one another. He usually out places me so I want to keep an eye on him. As for the others, I'm really just trying to remain social, make those connections, but focus on the people that I know. I hate playing like that, but honestly, it might get me farther. As far as my strategy this game, I want to be super loyal to people. That's how I played my last game and it got me 2nd place. I know that I should be striving for first, but honestly second isn't too bad lmao. I think that what was missing from my last TS game was the glamour. The jury said they missed "big moves" and "idol plays". Well honey, let's do that then! I need to come up with a plan to incorporate those things into a strong social game. I just fear that I'll be damned if I do, and damned if I don't. My fear is that I will come up short with the moves and get second again, or I'll overplay and find myself gettin somewhere between 10th and 7th. I think a way I can get around this is not bringing all the people I trust into a big group. If i'm able to divide and conquer my allies, it will show loyalty, but also strategy. As far as the idols are concerned. Who the fuck knows. I can't get into this tomb, I can't figure anything out about it. I am searching high and low on the blog and pictures trying to find the key into the tomb. I have a feeling it is one of those things where you really need to put in some work to find it. Or it's one of those, it's under your nose the whole time and Jess, Alyssa, and Drew can't believe how stupid you all are. That is more likely the true answer to this haha. I have been asking Ali and Jordan about what they think, and they have basically "come up short" I don't know if that is really true or not, I know that they are really smart players. I think the key could also be in the posts as far as the hashtags. There are some really weird hashtags on some of the posts. Maybe it's a code or something? Lemme look into that.

Soooooo first day was super exciting bc my whole tribe is new ppl which I like bc it's always good to start in a fresh type game ya know. I'm on the beauty tribe werdily so I figure I'm the tai of the season . I also saw on one of the other tribes liam from my season is here so that could be a good or bad thing just have to cross that bridge if and when needed. First person I saw and talked to on my tribe is kendell and I really like her vibe . She seems super chill and I saw she played as a hero is a past season so could be a loyal player. Amiry I actually have seen before in a mini on discord. We didn't talk much but l dis vote him to win in the end so that could be good in my favor . Aj is really nice to seems to be a lil younger then but good to chat with so far. Adam is someone in the game that i have a few things in common with which is great bc connections is exactly what I need to make right now with a game full of new ppl .connor I'm not fully sure how i feel about him yet. He seems like he could be funny but he is always a lil short when we talk and I feel maybe he could be the person to go and i would be okay with it . Augusto is def the person I have probably been talking the most with so far . He seems like he could be my person in this game . I mean things change all the time but as of now that's how I'm feeling about him . I'm so nervous being back in tumblr survivor so soon after my first season in nighingale islands. I got 4th place and if anything I wanna do better now worse . Its alot to hold myself up to but i feel i can push my self more this game and do it . I'm hoping to try and play a lil different this time around . I wanna be bolder and try to do more with myself game wise . I want to play more strategic and not care even more to get my hands dirty. People in the past have called me cutthroat and a villain so why not be the best villain I can be . Finding a idol or advantage and getting a vote at ftc is the other goals I have for myself this season . I know its early but I have a great feeling about the beauty tribe and think we are gonna do great in this game together. Well that's about 500 for the challenge . Hopefully you'll get more confessionals from me in the game . Its gonna be a crazy season . May the tumblr survivor gods be with me in this crazy ass game . Peace out girl scouts . Have a great day . Goodbye all.  

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: BEAUTY TRIBE austin: hes boring but nice and that is okay, just be who u are adam: dangerous, mariah stans dont respect old people, animals or the dead. he scares me. hes real funny tho, kendall: she is so cute, she seems very hesitant to talk to me, but I want to work with her. Shes the only girl on our tribe so like shes not gonna be targetted by a bunch of twinks so its better to be with her than against her augusto: my fav so far, Relatable sweet idk i love him i hope he gives me a chance connor: white gay twink aj: i dont feel Cast Assessment : Winners Ali: my biggest threat in this game by far, kind, can be ruthless, underestimated, he’s gotta GO but I also have to work with him ?? Idk I want to work with him but I don’t think he will want to work with me so idk how I feel about that one yet. Autumn: she is extremely likable from this one intro vid alone...girl we in danger. Want to work with her for sure. 

I want to build a relationship with every member of my tribe, but I am afraid because that could make me a target when I’m already one. Today, I will talk to everyone but not about game at all, tmmrw I will select 1 or 2 people to really trust with game stuff. The goal is to be social but not the most social person on the tribe. I need to get at least 2 or 3 of these people to feel some kind of emotional attachment to me, so I’m gonna keep it strictly personal convos for tonight. I do usually get attached to people as well but this game, being back for the third time, I can’t hesitate to cut a single person. It’s clear some of the people on this tribe are wolves in sheep’s clothing, mainly Adam and Augusto who are lovable and sweet but careful with their words. They are level 3 thinkers (shoutout to jacob). Kendall, Aj, and Connor seem to be more like level 2 thinkers. Austin seems like a level 1 thinker so I have to work with him, those are the kind of allies I need. 

Adam gave the numbers the for this thing, but I told him to use a decoder to turn it into letters. I know I’m an asshole cuz he tried to help me and gave me the clues but I am not going to tell him how to find the tomb, simply because I want it, but I wouldn’t be shocked if he figured it out

Also Amir....

So on my tribe, Kendall has played with aj, Aj has played with Kendall and and Connor, and Connor has played with aj and augusto.Kendall and Aj were never on the same tribe, so that’s not a threat. Augusto and Connor both made it far together and didn’t vote each other out so that’s gotta be something to watch out for. Kendall seems super well connected in general, I think the move is to scoop up Austin and Adam and then take out on of the other 4 but if the 4 of Kendall/Aj/Connor/Augusto end up aligning, well, good luck Charlie! So basically my issue is that I don’t trust anyone. Like everyone on this tribe is either distant or a threat, and the thing is is I HAVE TO TRUST SOMEONE so like?? If I just keep my cards close and not talk game with anyone that’s just ensuring being on the outs, but I can’t choose weather to align with the social threats or the people who I barely know anything about because they don’t wanna talk to me much (Kendall Connor Austin aj) Meeee finks the move is to align with Augusto and Adam, they’re both obviously huge threats, but risks need to be taken so I’m going to work on establishing a game relationship with both of them, I trust Adam more than Augusto, and then we can maybe maybe pull in Austin ? Okay literally no one wants to talk to me i i i i, like no one on this tribe messaged me first except augusto, but hes very hesitant about any info in general. Kendall/austin/connor all do not seem to care to try and talk to me so only 2 things are possible, they have all aligned and are planning my downfall, or people r inactive for now but idk. IDK> i do not trust ANY OF THESE HOES ONE BIT, i have to find this fat ass idol tonight i must i must Im gonna get on a call with adam tonight and try and figure some shit out but homeboy literally told me that he took out jakey in an earlier season even tho it was bad for him jsut cuz it was cool to take out a high profile player like sis what in the actual FUCK AND HES THE ONLY ONE WHO SEEMS INTERESTED IN ALIGNING WITH ME LIKE EWKFNEWKFLEWFE i have no choice but to work with this basket case, GOD WE CANNOT LOSE IMMUNITY WE CANNOTTTTTT the people from the other tribes that I would like to work with the most would be jakey and duncan and bodhi. I really wanted to work with bodhi on cutthroat and I genuinely love duncan he is a sweet heart through and through. I wanna work with jakey because he is a massive threat and has bad blood with people who are in thi game. He can also be volatile and someone I can turn into a target ahead of me if it I required 

guess who just got an IDOL HEHEEHEHE. It's Pharaoh Thoth. It's Pharaoh Thoth. I must have said that literally six hundred times in my host chat, the fact that Thoth is a tribe name was legit staring me in the FACE i'm just stupid. and then i messed up on question 9 at 5AM yesterday so i had to stay up till 5am for a second day running which was soul crushing but.... i have an IDOL. I definitely did much more work this time, compared to last time where benj carried my lifeless corpse across the idol bridge only for me to get two separate idols. dennis definitely had to like defibrillate my brain cells into shape but im proud of the work i put in. having an idol is definitely super scary because the risk of going home with one in my pocket is super super high... but.... hopefully I can use this idol to cause havoc and shake some stuff up. it also covers me for a bad tribe swap which is a situation i really see happening this season for me... it just gives me some cover and some wiggle room! im really excited overall tho... ive already snatched myself up an idol and its only day two? ive got an alliance with my two favourites on the tribe, good connections fostering with all the others on my tribe and an idol... which by the way i'm calling dennis im so excited this season is gonna be hoot... also one more time for good measure ITS PHARAOH THOTH.

Alright! I'm so very excited to be back for Tumblr Survivor Brain vs Brawn vs Beauty! So far I'm really enjoying my tribe even though I was cast as a Brain??? What's up with that?? I'm just some hippie from the swamps of Tennessee who is decent at doing long division. So I guess I'll go through my tribe and talk about them individually: Autumn seems pretty cool, I know she is a gigantic social threat so she could maybe potentially be utilized as a shield but I like her! We've been talking a lot about food and the south but that is okay. Bodhi approached me Night One offering an alliance to which I was ecstatic to take him up on! Bodhi is a very very smart and cunning player, which makes me even happier to be working with him because I think as of right now he needs me to get off of this tribe. Duncan is a wildcard in my eyes. I haven't played with Duncan since Pacific Islands and we didn't get along if I recall correctly and I seem to be having trouble creating a dialogue with him? According to other sources that seems to be a consensus. Devon is really nice and I think that Scott thinks he's attractive but that's neither here nor there. I think this is the Devon who went by Slithers in Guyana and referred to Alyssa, Dani, and Jess as females at Final Tribal Council. He seems to be EXTREMELY straight (he said when he's not slinging 'rittos at Chipotle he's playing Call of Duty or watching sports) which is okay if straight people weren't my kiss of death in these games. Scott is a really fun one! He hosted me in Malaysia and always seemed to be a sweet guy and our talks together for the past few days have kinda proved that assumption? We've gotten to know each other pretty well and I think he's a cool dude. I really also didn't wanna be the one to tell him about Amanda Lynn but I was and he joined in on the jokes like a champion! I really think my relationship with Scott could be something that carries me at least to the first swap? Trace is an enigma to me. We have played Tumblr Survivor now 3 times together (he voted me out every time) and he hosted me in Manhattan Beach and I genuinely think in these first two days we have talked more than the rest of those combined? He is a masc for masc dreamboat though but he knows that. If I have to stroke his ego to get where I need to be I genuinely have no problem doing that. I have been trying my best to get in everyone's good graces and/or at least get a dialogue going with them and it seems to have been working? The suckiest part about this tribe at the moment is that there doesn't seem to be an obvious inactive or someone we can scapegoat but here's hoping we don't lose or we lose bad enough we can put it on someone who isn't me. 

i cant believe i learned a tik tok dance. i've never even downloaded tik tok before

this is a RANT confessional it's day 2 and im already so annoyed with this DUMB BITCH...and yes i am the dumb bitch in question WHAT ABOUT IT DAY 2 AND I GO TO THE TOMB AGAIN TRYING TO GET IN, AT THIS POINT IM POUNDING ON THOSE DOORS HARDER THAN ANY JEHOVAHS WITNESS YOUVE EVER SEEN LIKE LET ME IN PLEASE!!!!! and once again, i start off good on the questions, then BOOM i just flop out of no where. story of my life. like DAMN by the time i do get in there's going to be nothing left for me but a fucking stick. But its ok, last night you know what i got cocky and i honestly mightve blown it thinking i could find it myself, so i was forced to make a VERY risky move. im a FIRM believer in loose lips sink ships and thats always one of my biggest strategies when i play survivor is to use infomation and keep as much to myself as possible so i can play my game how EYE want and make MY moves as i see fit, however.....clearly that strategy has not WORKED for me seeing as ive lost twice, so im trying this new thing, its such a crazy concept it's called asking for fucking help ! this was really hard for me to do because of my whole tribe so far im gonna be honest i feel like i have a genuine bond building with AJ, Augusto, and Amir, but i dont want to go spilling the tea on the idol to everyone, the last thing i want is everyone else figuring out and trying to get it, granted, finding it probably wasnt that hard and im just a dumb bitch so someone else most likely ALREADY has it, however, if they dont.... i decided i wanted to make a move and tell AJ about it. Me and AJ have a past connection thats pretty good so basing it on that alone i decided to share my tea with him, and honestly i LOVE augusto and amir too, however.... these people are all silent killers, they wont be fooling me. even though i want to believe theyre on my side, im gonna need a vote before i start to put trust like that into them. So until them, im putting my eggs in AJ's basket and hoping he finds something and will trust me moving forward because of it, even if he already found it himself and didnt tell me, i at least made the effort to show him i want us to be in this together, so hopefully trusting and opening up a little bit more will finally improve my game but if not i am still hoping absolutely no one finds it so i can be greedy and try again, and probably flop again tomorrow. **BREAKING NEWS ALERT: aj has just informed me he DIDNT find it, which he could be lying but i dont think he is, but only another 24 hours will tell... 

I have not written a confessional in a day, why am I like this? Anyway, y’all are about to hear EVERYTHING! We all get onto the beach and the gag is that 3 winners join the game alongside us losers (;-;) but honestly, it isn’t too bad? Like genuinely, it’s cool that the winners get to return like yay for them! Not only that, but if people believe these winners to be a threat then that’s just a shield for me so I am not mad at that whatsoever! Looking at the cast this season… I see familiar faces and I’m not sure how to feel? I know Dan who is on the Brawn Tribe (Apis) and I adore Dan as a person. That being said, I had a lot to do with his boot in Seychelles and while we were working closely together, I had to get him out. My thing about games is that if it’s a new game, it’s a new slate. However, is he gonna feel the same way? Only time will tell. On the Brain Tribe (Thoth), I have played with Isaac, Trace, and Bodhi. My relationship with Isaac is inch resting because I think he’s amazing and he has actually hosted me before… but the only thing is that we voted for each other to go in Socotra so who knows how he feels about me in that way? Trace I know because of Socotra as well and we did click socially but we just never had much of a chance to play with one another so there isn’t much to say about that. Now Bodhi…. He is the person I am the closest to out of all these people and I do not know how that will affect this game? I was the only person to stick by his side during the first round of Socotra when he went home in a revote and in a way, this was good karma because I was the only Great Lakes representative still alive after Final 21. Now will he remember my loyalty and admiration for him if we are reunited in this game? Girl, I deadass have no idea and it could go anyway… which is scary like a yikes on bikes moment right there. The only person that I know on my tribe is Connor since we played in Socotra together. We weren’t TOO aligned but the round I left, him and I made an alliance with Samantha. However, this loyalty wasn’t tested much considering I got rocked out. However, a connection is a connection so pursuing that is something I am okay with. As far as my tribe goes, I really do like everyone! I am trying to be this super approachable person that people can laugh at and laugh with yknow? So I do hope it works in my favor in the long run because currently, everyone except AJ has expressed the fact that I am one of their favorite people to talk to on this tribe so yay for that!

Alright, so the first full day is over, we're nearing the end of the first challenge, and I think that I've positioned myself at least somewhat decently? I think I've learned from past seasons that the goal of this early stage is to make sure you're about right in the middle in terms of activity, socialness (which isn't a word, but everyone is going to know what I mean by it) and challenge performances. That way, nobody has reason to get rid of you before a tribe change(whether that's because people think you aren't going to be helpful in challenges moving forward or because you're too big of a threat and can't be allowed to make the next stage of the game) and will allow me to make some connections that will help me both now and later in the game. I think I'm implementing this well at the moment. I had a nice talk with both Dan and Jakey and I think both of them will look out for me early on, specifically for this first vote. Once that trust is established from voting, I think both of those will be very fruitful for me moving forward. Same with Ali and Liam L. Both of them have been talking to me a decent bit and I like the rapport that I'm creating with both of them, but these two are going to be HUGE threats this season, I can already tell. So I think it's best I get on their good sides and allow other people to catch on to the fact that these two are going to be people who need to go whenever you get the shot (specifically though when they stop benefiting me). This first challenge absolutely sucks! I always hate these stupid scavenger hunts and will be so glad when it's over. I think I've put in a decent amount of work that will show that I'm here and want to play, but we'll have to see after the challenge is revealed how my score is really going to stack up. I really don't want to go to tribal this first round, but I could see either Jordan or Liam M. being people who could be targeted for everyone else to not be the first boot if that's the case. I think Liam specifically hasn't spent as much time socializing and I think others hopefully know how large of a presence Jordan has (I've known him for two days and I figured this out). So like, it would make sense to take one of them out early, but I reiterate that I'm quite ok not going to tribal here and just being safe. Being back for my third time means that this truly needs to be the one where I can take home this win. I admittedly don't know if there will be a fourth shot for me. I think I'm nearing the end of my ORG playing as hard of a realization as that is for me, but I know that I'm not able to commit the same way I was when I was back in high school, so I need to make the most of this time out there. I made huge mistakes in my redemption season that still haunt me to this day, so hopefully I can fix those this time around, play a strong, strategically sound game, and maybe I can surprise myself this time around.

All right 500 word confessional coming up. Time to say my thoughts on this game so far and this is a good excuse to do it. Its been 65 seasons since i've done an all returnee season which is a crazy fact I won't shut up about even though drew hates it, and I’m feeling good so far on this brawn tribe. I already have an alliance with me Ali and Jakey, and strong bonds to Dan and Liam, that leaves Lovelis and TJ my new people I'm meeting and probably people i'd target if we lost just due to the fact I don’t really know them. Out of the two I’m probably having better early convos with TJ but I don’t think thats really indicative of anything as its just been 2 days and anything can still happen. Honestly this cast is kind of a mix and match of crazy throwbacks for me like y'all got me SCOTT, y'all got me KENDALL, like I am floored and I am so excited to play with some of these people. I think my strategy for the starting tribes is to try to chill a bit and not be the centre of attention if I can manage that. Ideally I just want some easy rounds where we mostly win immunity, but if I’m honest Im gonna want to go to at least one tribal before we swap, and i don’t want to go into a swap not knowing how people are actually planning on playing, I want a chance for everyones cards to be laid out early, and then I can better understand the playing field. Okay I'm running out of things to say and I still got like 200 words to go. Alright the tomb, FUCK THE TOMB, its crazy for me that theirs an idol system I just haven't auto figured out before anyone else, its very out of character. Especially that before this game started I found the legacy advantage and left the hosts shook, like they were actually speechless the game hadn't started yet and I already have a power that was a great moment. But the tomb has still alluded me. What I know is that their are numbers on the cast reveal posts and a weird in face in the picture but I cannot out two and two together to make this work. Im hoping everyone is struggling as much as I am because I don't want any powers on the table that I do not know about. I want ideally to know where everything is even if its not in my possesion. Knowledge is power and I want all the knowledge possible to give me the best upper hand. Im cautiously optimistic on this starting tribe that I don't think people will target me early, so I think all I got to do is just secure my relationships and make sure that when this game starts getting crazy, i got enough people feeding me info so I'm in control. WHEW 500 WORDS DONE!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CxQVVsZUxRnM6PtiAIKKX2ncbSa-2rOR/view?usp=sharing Look man I am exhausted if you want intensive strategy you have come to the wrong place

Truthfully, the biggest gag of this whole season is me being placed on the brain tribe. I obviously am brilliant, graduated from honors from a top university, etc. But like, my beauty is undeniable, no? God I hate that I wrote that but, I AM BACK! It feels good to be back on a season where like nobody seems that negative? Yet? It was really refreshing to see a couple of people that I already knew, but I honestly have a really good feeling about this brains tribe. I connected really well with everyone on the first day, and I feel like I already have a strong standing in the tribe just after a few hours. I also love that this tribe is only 7 people and not like 12 because I can actually connect with people on a closer level. That being said, another great thing about this cast is that I also have a good amount of friends on the other tribes. Connor is here. I love that for me, but I am going to have to be very strategic about how I use that friendship if our paths ever do cross because I am not going to let it get in the way of me being strategic and making moves that actually make sense for my game in the long run, not just to appease my friend. A similar thing could be said for Dan D, but he is also just like a scary good player and he’s engaged now too so I have to really work on that friendship. I am feeling somewhat good about this challenge. I have taken the time to really try and do as many of the things as I can, and all I can hope is that my tribemates do the same. I am a little nervous about some people’s scores… Autumn. We have less than 12 hours to go and she still hasn’t started. But I am hoping that some of the scores of the more active people will carry us to a win. It would be cute if I could avoid tribal for a bit, but I know I won’t be able to. Also, Isaac being here is funny. Immediately he came to me and was like, “god I hope you aren’t going to vote me out this time, AGAIN.” And I obviously would really love to work with the kid but clearly our history is a bit rocky. So my plan is just to be kind and kind of act like it didn’t happen in hopes that he too will do the same and we can actually work together as friends this time. In closing, I appreciate the opportunity to be brought back, and I really hope that I do not let any of my fans down! I am going to keep socializing, using my social skills to create lasting bonds that will hopefully save me for a couple of tribals. We will see what happens as the season progresses but for now, please wish me luck!

Okay! I am awake! I can make a functional confessional maybe! So first hour of the game I made an alliance with Austin because I have no impulse control and hey thought it would be swell. I then made an alliance 30 minutes later with Augusto and I probably would have made more alliances if Augusto didn't say "Kendall plz wait like a day," So I did wait a day... and then made 2 more alliances 24 hours later. In my defense it wasn't my turn with The Beauty Tribe's communal brain cell and it's been 7 decades since my last game. Anyway I think it worked out because now we have a power alliance and we are Bringing Sexy Back! ... Literally that is the name of our alliance. Bringing Sexy Back. I came up with it and it's like a double meaning because 1. We Sexy and 2. We back. We do not have backs though... there was a tragic accident. Anyway the Core 4 is Me, Augusto, Connor, and Amir. And we keep saying shit like final 4 final 4 but I have to determine the weakest link before it hits me in the face. I don't trust Connor which is why it's important we work together, because I have a feeling he's going to cause damage either way and it will be safer if he thinks I trust him. He has played with Augusto and has a high opinion of him, so that duo is something I am somewhat worried about. I don't know why I don't trust him, it's not a matter of dislike, if anything he's one of my favorite people to talk to on the tribe it's just there is something calculating about him. Like he's sizing us all up. Augusto and I get along pretty well. He keeps saying shit like "Queen" and "We are meant for each other" and other weird but nice things. We both live in Utah so that's pretty lit. I'd like to work with him but I'm also wary of flattery. He seems to be pretty social with the other two as well, like I mentioned before he and Connor were once on the same season together and Amir mentioned that he's the person he talks to the most. It makes me a bit suspicious as to where his loyalties lie which is sort of dumb because he's like legally allowed to talk to people but I don't want him to be their number ones. It would be inconvenient. Amir is... a mess. A likable mess but a mess. He literally told me he has been waiting for someone to ask for an alliance and that he talks the most to Augusto. He wears his thoughts on his sleeves. He seems a bit nervous to be back, like we'd perceive him as some sort of threat because he was an extra player so to speak.... I don't not yet anyway but it's probably for the best I don't say that out loud. We talked about having a spare fifth and I put Austin on the table because 1. it would be nice to have control of a spare. 2. To keep my promise to him to work together. Sadly I wasn't all that subtle about it so... probably sketched the others out even if it was only a little bit. There 400 words plus other more words. Suck it and See bitches! And by bitches I mean hosts and I guess who ever else reads this.

Ok so I have full confidence that I can reach 500 words because I talk too much as it is so here we go hahaha. My tribe is taking this challenge super seriously and while I obviously stan and enjoy having a very active and engaged tribe, I need them to have lower expectations cause your girl is on her period and she just wants to nap. This whole “everyone needs to get 100 points” energy is not a message I can actually endorse. I am content with a smooth 50 points so if I get more than that great but I don’t need the pressure. I respect everyone’s right to go hard but I would like to not do that. Like it’s a Monday my guy- if that’s how you want to spend it by all means but this is not the only org I’m in and it’s definitely not the only thing I have to do today. I desperately need to do laundry but like changing the sheets on my bed and going to two Zoom meetings has me BEAT. Like I’d call it a day to be honest IF it weren’t for my damn tribe and their push to 100 points per person. All I know if I reach that goal, y’all better not say a damn thing to me because I really tried. I not only look like garbage but I feel like garbage yet I’m out here taking videos and drawing on my face and looking up a damn TikTok dance even though the whole world knows it by now and I’m like why? Why am I doing all this? Is it really to keep white men happy? Does this arbitrary goal mean anything in the end? Do we really NEED 700 points and can we negotiate that number down a little bit? I’m just saying Like obviously I want us to win but no I don't want to spend all day doing this against my will. Y’all need to be happy with whatever I give you and VERY hot take: if I don’t get 100 points then what. What y’all gone do about it- fight me? I do not own Crocs, VHS tapes, anything Egyptian, anything Survivor related, anything rainbow, or a banana and I don’t feel bad about it. There, I said it. I own what I own and I ain’t breaking quarantine for anything so hear me when I say: y’all will get whatever I give you. I want to EAT today but no I gotta get to making all these random videos so I can rack up points, some of which would make for quality blackmail but we won’t get into that. I’m doing this honestly for all the iconic female players who aren’t playing. I can’t make them look bad by being first fucking boot in a season that only has two women playing out of 21 people so I will just suffer through the pain. It’s not like I don’t have the numbers to stay anyway so there’s that. This is all really a formality, if you will. I’m not going anywhere- low score, high score, it really doesn’t matter but that’s just between us girls.

Okay! I am awake! I can make a functional confessional maybe! So first hour of the game I made an alliance with Austin because I have no impulse control and hey thought it would be swell. I then made an alliance 30 minutes later with Augusto and I probably would have made more alliances if Augusto didn't say "Kendall plz wait like a day," So I did wait a day... and then made 2 more alliances 24 hours later. In my defense it wasn't my turn with The Beauty Tribe's communal brain cell and it's been 7 decades since my last game. Anyway I think it worked out because now we have a power alliance and we are Bringing Sexy Back! ... Literally that is the name of our alliance. Bringing Sexy Back. I came up with it and it's like a double meaning because 1. We Sexy and 2. We back. We do not have backs though... there was a tragic accident. Anyway the Core 4 is Me, Augusto, Connor, and Amir. And we keep saying shit like final 4 final 4 but I have to determine the weakest link before it hits me in the face. I don't trust Connor which is why it's important we work together, because I have a feeling he's going to cause damage either way and it will be safer if he thinks I trust him. He has played with Augusto and has a high opinion of him, so that duo is something I am somewhat worried about. I don't know why I don't trust him, it's not a matter of dislike, if anything he's one of my favorite people to talk to on the tribe it's just there is something calculating about him. Like he's sizing us all up. Augusto and I get along pretty well. He keeps saying shit like "Queen" and "We are meant for each other" and other weird but nice things. We both live in Utah so that's pretty lit. I'd like to work with him but I'm also wary of flattery. He seems to be pretty social with the other two as well, like I mentioned before he and Connor were once on the same season together and Amir mentioned that he's the person he talks to the most. It makes me a bit suspicious as to where his loyalties lie which is sort of dumb because he's like legally allowed to talk to people but I don't want him to be their number ones. It would be inconvenient. Amir is... a mess. A likable mess but a mess. He literally told me he has been waiting for someone to ask for an alliance and that he talks the most to Augusto. He wears his thoughts on his sleeves. He seems a bit nervous to be back, like we'd perceive him as some sort of threat because he was an extra player so to speak.... I don't not yet anyway but it's probably for the best I don't say that out loud. We talked about having a spare fifth and I put Austin on the table because 1. it would be nice to have control of a spare. 2. To keep my promise to him to work together. Sadly I wasn't all that subtle about it so... probably sketched the others out even if it was only a little bit. There 400 words plus other more words. Suck it and See bitches! And by bitches I mean hosts and I guess who ever else reads this.

wow, is it great to back! initially, i was pretty nervous entering this game because i honestly just didn't know what to expect. however, i feel as though i'm sort of picking up where i left off a few years ago in terms of adaptability. i was placed on the beauty tribe, and immediately there were a ton of familiar faces that i could connect with. those being adam, amir, and kendall. i would consider connor one too but we were never that acquainted when we played idlm together, i'm pretty sure i even voted him out. as with any game, it's all about breaking the ice in those starting days by striking up conversation with other people on your tribe and seeing what they're all about. with my aforementioned connections, i felt as though it was pretty easy slipping into conversation with them and just catching each other up on how life's been since we last met. with adam, that wasn't really the case since we still frequently see each other but nonetheless! augusto has left a HUGE impression on me in the best way possible. i adore literally every aspect of him and it feels like and i could be pretty good friends. austin is very sweet and we have similar interests, but i'd love to continue getting to know him to form a more solid relationship with him. overall, i feel as though the tribe dynamic works pretty well. everyone is likable and of course, while it's expected for the beauty tribe, it'll be tough in the event (knock on wood) we ever go to tribal! but i'm always geared up and ready to go girl so i guess i can take on anything. our first challenge is the scavenger hunt, and while i lowkey loathe it, this one was actually pretty fun! hopefully we win it because we seem to be pulling out all the stops for this. one of the tasks had required us ALL to be on call and honestly i feel as though that really brought us even more together as a tribe. it was an instant kii with everyone as we sat around sharing interesting experiences and memories. going into actual game discussion, adam is EAGER to play. like EAGER. he's so excited and his mind has been racing since i've touched base with him. as soon as we were introduced to the tomb, his cracked ass starting spiraling. he was NOT gonna stop until he figured out how to get into this tomb! initially, he thought the hieroglyphics on the logo were of importance but he then noticed that the tags on the cast reveal had interesting numbers that corresponding to our tribe name. we ultimately put these numbers into the blog and were let inside the tomb. HOWEVER, we have to fight to even see what's inside of it! we have to answer 10(?) questions i believe relative to egypt, and i got about 7 of them right and stumped on one, halting my progress until the 24 hours are up and i can go again. out of an act of selfishness, i do want this idol all for myself so hopefully adam doesn't get there before me, though i wouldn't mind it as right now i consider him my final two? but we have WAYS to go so who knows if that even holds up.

I guess i need to do one of these anyway!!! I wish i could do a video but i will suffer for the greater good as always!!! The cast this season is very interesting!!! I dont know a lot of people which is a plus but there’s a few haters in the game i hope aren’t coming after me as much as I’m coming after them LOL. Adam, Kendall, and Trace sorry boos your time is limited! I will never trust these players. On my tribe we have a masc straight energy with Liam, Lovelis, TJ, and Dan and some more feminine energy in myself, jordan, and ali. The fems have decided to join a group to stay together and hopefully we can get someone to vote with us if we have to go to tribal council. For right now I trust both of these players, but moreso Jordan. We’re not entirely sure if we can trust Ali. The temple stumped a lot of us and I haven’t heard much about anyone finding it. EXCEPT ME BITCH. I found that shit last night and I was so hype then jumped the gun on the third question and flopped. But I’m reallyyyyy hoping no one else has it, though I fully suspect someone else to have found it. I’m not going to tell a soul because I want it for myself and I’m worried word would get out that I found it and people would suspect I have an idol, even if I don’t. I don’t want to lose at allll. I’m putting my all into this challenge and praying we come out on top. If we get another clue, whatever, just don’t send me to the hell place. TJ is a cool dude and I enjoyed my conversation with him the first night. We vibe together even if he is a straight male and I am gay as a fedora. I like our pairing and I don’t find him to be a sneaky player so I’d love to develop our partnership further so we can be a powerful force in the game. I would feel good knowing I have someone outside my alliance watching my back as well. Right now, it’s hard to get a read of the tribe. Everyone’s kinda quiet, besides ali and jordan, and I don’t know if it’s because they’re already against me or just hard to warm up to. I guess time will tell but can that time be later? My plan right now is to just continue being myself because I think people like me on this tribe for the most part. I’m not going to over-socialize or play too hard cause the way this tribe is going, saying one wrong thing could make you stand out. I’m trying to hide in the shadows and play the cute role for as long as possible before I smile in their face and slit their throats :~) Also I may have planted some doubt into Jordan’s ear about Liam! Because Liam said to me he can’t do the tik tok dance bc of his foot disease that flares up sometimes. Note, this tik tok had no feet movement and could virtually be done in a chair. So I just let Jordan know what Liam told me and immediately Jordan was irritated. I didn’t intentionally mean to throw Liam under the bus, but the bus came quickly. 

So i meant it when i said that i truly like everyone in my tribe. I love the fact that trace is the first person I’ve ever played with that live(d) where i do. I’ve never met anyone from saint louis before and to be able to talk about the gay bars and the local colleges and areas is nice. I’ve seen his name way back when around the community. I think that it’s amazing, the casting this season so props to all you host. Bodhi is someone else who I’ve seen around plenty, but we’ve never had the pleasure to meet each other and he’s someone that I think is very intriguing. I know he’s a strong social player when it comes to brass tacks though so im a little nervous seeming him in the game. Isaac is someone who I’ve played with a handful times and it’s just weird? We have never targeted each other in the games we play but also have never actively worked together in a game. We usually just coexist and ended up on different sides because we had different friend circles in games past. Now if we go to tribal in this first round, then ideally one of those few people will go. Like I said I like everyone, but I need to make sure to play an active role this time, not so passive like last time. Autumn and I got an alliance together. Also, if I haven’t already praised the tumblr survivor gods that I get to play with m daughter, let me re-iterate that I am so ecstatic! Now I’m not going to put all my eggs in her basket, but I hope my connection with her can carry me through the first couple rounds of the game at least. We got an alliance together consisting of myself, herself, devon and scott. In my opinion, the key to a successful alliance is good communication and loyalty. I also want to work with people I have a genuine interest in. I think Scott is so adorable, and I can’t tell if it’s a façade or not but I’m getting along very well with him. Perhaps its just his strong social game kicking in. Regardless he’s someone that I like and is charismatic and optimistic, that’s the type of person I need on my side moving forward. He’ll be great for group morale and maybe he can snoop information out of others moving forward. As for Devon, he says he’s a very loyal player and he is from Guyana. I see him as someone that will hopefully be super loyal and perhaps even a bit naïve moving forward. I don’t know what I want my relationship with Autumn to be with like in this game. She could be my number one, but for anyone that knows us its possible we get targeted like natalie and Jeremy which I don’t want to happen. I really like our tribe and hope we can stay together as long as possible. What I want from this game is to play a strong game and still be liked by all my peers and of course try to win. My first time in the first quarter of seasons, I was brand new as fuck, fresh out the survivor pussy. I didn’t have any confidence or social skills and got booted first. My second season in the 2nd quarter, Lazio, was not a horrible game to play. The cast was trash though and not a well respected season. It was a weird twisted season, i didn’t like anybody on that season and went out in early jury, although I did make single digits. Last time I played was in the third quarter of ts seasons, playing in Bermuda. I played bc I wanted one last hurrah before taking a hiatus and I don’t mind playing in seasons hosted by Chris Stoner. It was revealed to be a 30 person and I wanted to quit after seeing that lol. I was a weak player on strong tribes during the first half of the game, and the few times I went to tribal I had enough relationships with people that I made it to the 15 person f*cking merge. Because I ghosted the first half of the game I wasn’t viewed as a threat but also wasn’t respected by players. I want to be respected for the game that I play this time whether it brings me to final tribal council or winds me up as the first boot. I came here to prove that I have the chops and can do it. I haven’t been voted out of a game in 2.5 years so if I do get eventually booted its going to sting hard lol. I hope to eventually see people like Dan and Ali get voted out before a swap hits but I bet ts gods will swap me onto a tribe with them both lol. Its just going to be awkward if I have to play with them. I’m willing to if I have to, but I def would prefer to just avoid the awkwardness if possible. In contrast I’m hoping people like Amir and Kendall perform well on their tribes because if possible, I already know I like them personally and would love to work with them later on in the game. I just thought about what I can rant on about for a 100 words. WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS IDOL SEARCH!?!? IS IT LIKE ONLY OPEN FOR CERTAIN PARTS OF THE DAY? I LOOKED ALL AROUND THE BLOG AND CLICKING EVERY LINK I COULD FIND HOPING TO MAYBE RUN INTO THE IDOL HUNT. NO ONE HAS TOLD ME THE SECRET YET! IS IT ONLY OPEN ONCE A ROUND BETWEEN RESULTS AND TRIBAL? Oof I don’t want to lose. Losing to one tribe isn’t bad because its mutually exclusive, first and last. We don’t have to win 1st place, however we need to make sure we don’t come last. Getting first boot would suck eggs and I would end up getting a lower placement than my first time. Idk if anyone has gotten first boot twice, but I don’t want that distinction. 

okay so my tribe is picking it UP in the end of this challenge, my king jakey suddenly has a full sheet which we love to see. in other news... im not feeling TJ's energy, he is kinda fishing about Montenegro and referencing that I won in a kinda threatening way? and i think he thinks he is being super discrete?! but he... is not. its just making me uncomfortable, like i am already really insecure as a player about being a winner and being seen as one, and i dont like what he is doing. also wanna preface this with the fact that he asked about montenegro in a super complimentary way so this is 100% an overreaction JKASDF im not trying to hide that im a winner (im not trace trying to FBI redact the wiki) but i don't like it being brought up in that kinda threatening/fishing way. like when jake talked to me (even tho he was vague too) about me being a winner, he said he thinks me, Jordan and jakey are the high profile people on the tribe (even tho i think i only am because im a winner, im a one time player and not super connected), which at least grouped us together and was in a discussion about working with that? so yeah... i think at this point i wanna stick with Jake/Jordan first and foremost, then Lovelis, then Dan... then Liam M/TJ are bottom of the totem pole for me, but particularly TJ that man can go soon... (also this is really gonna be a mo situation where tj said literally one thing and i dont trust him KJLASDF)

Wooooo cast assessments except I never watch anyone's intro videos so it's more like a cast reaction lmao

https://youtu.be/K3rfK-Cf-GQ

everytime tj starts typing my heart rate elevates by about 600bpm. literally how can someone be so complimentary and yet so terrifying simultaneously i'm nauseous also just as a side note he is probably being super nice and im just being demonic but we will see kjasdfa

okay so if this doesn't demonstrate im insane, im not sure what will. i take it back about TJ, i think he is actually nice JLKSADFAD. i think his way of relating to me was talking about past games and honestly thats kinda sweet i think i just read into things too much. maybe i do like TJ and want him to stick around NNN. maybe she's born with it, maybe its genuine insanity. but yeah TJ if you are reading this sorry for being the rudest ever over a compliment nnnn

I’m so sad that we lost because I don’t want to see any of these people go home and I don’t want to be first boot! lol. I’m also pissed now because I spent so much time doing stuff for nothing >.> it’s the game though, so we’ll keep trudging along i suppose. I don’t want to go home so let’s see what happens 

[theghostofawomen]

My tubal ligation journey

So i started out by researching this procedure like everyone else now a days, on the internet. i started with youtube because well, it was easy. i just watched women go on and on about their stories of why or how and the after surgery effect and the 5 years later videos. Then i turned to actual research on websites about the procedure and the different kinds of ways to get it done. and let me tell you a few things i found. I found that 99% of the women i was watching on youtube already had kids. i was reading so many stories of women being turned down because of their lack of kids, their age, and because they were single! So me being 25, (single) i have a boyfriend but legally im single, and having ZERO kids and no desire for kids i felt pretty hopeless and helpless. I also had an extreme need to get this all done within two months. why you ask, let me lay this out real quick. one major reason....INSURANCE.  I do have my own insurance through my workplace but like most people i know who didn’t get the privilege of going to college and having a nice shiny degree right about now and a great job that has good insurance, i would have to pay alot of $$$$$ out of pocket going through my work. so i decided to use my mothers which im still on for two more months. i know i know i see you in the back rolling ya eyes. well this is MY story get over it. so anyway it was cheaper for me to go that route and pay that way. since it was a preventative surgery it was 100 covered through her insurance. Now came the hard part. trying to scramble and find a doctor with an opening and hope that he will be willing to do the surgery on me despite having no kids, being young,and legal single. So i called around and i found a doctor. My consultation date was june 6th. at that time it was the end of may and i had about 2 weeks to prepare. i was watching videos and reading and writing notes on every little thing i found out. i stayed up until 2 am researching for 5 hours straight, i wrote down real data and different ways to do the surgery, weather to be burned tied cut use the eshore method or something else.and all the reason why i did not want kids. all my familys health issues my boyfriends health issues and everything untill i felt prepared to go in for battle and defend my decision come hell or high water. and eventually the day came. I brought my boyfriend for support and back up. (because i read somewhere in some states you cannot have this done unless your spouse signs off on it) how crazy is that??? so i wanted them to see he fully supported me. although we are not married we have been together for years. So the nurse calls me back and we go over the family history and that i have no kids (which is kinda the point in getting this done) i wanted to stay that way. and she looked at me grimmly and i felt pretty down like i had about a 40% chance of getting approved by the way the nurse was talking. i waited another long 10 minutes and the doctor came in.......he, yes HE i opted for a male since he had the soonest opening at that time, sat down with us and we did a short and sweet family history lesson again and he started to ask me what i knew about the procedure. heavily armed with all my knowledge gearing up for a long and hard debate i simply said i knew the different methods and which i preferred and threw in a few facts to start things off. he whipped out a diagram of a womens lower half and started telling me how the procedure would be done. he asked if i had kids already and i said no, that was strike one. he asked if i was married i said no but im technically engaged i felt like there was strike two, then he asked my age and i said 25 and he said okay if your sure then lets do this what day works for you? i sat there stunned and i looked at my partner and back at the doc and i said thats it? he said well yes. i said how can that be so easy? he said well your 25 and in (my state) they like you to atleast be 24 ok so that was one pass. and you dont have kids we usually like you to have one kid, so that was one fail,....then he said well your engaged so ill count that as married and we like to do it on women already married so thats 2 out of 3 and you seem really determined. i said wow i cant believe it was this easy. i was researching for hours and i had 6 pages of handwritten material ready to show you. he laughed about it. it really was not as hard as going into battle as i thought it was going to be. So we set the date one month from that day. Mainly because of my stupid work rules you have to request off a month ahead of time and i wanted to assure the doc i was willing to think on it more even though i was set on it. so im a week and 2 days away from my surgery day and exactly one week away from my pre op appt to go over paperwork. Although it was not a huge struggle to get approved on a small time frame like i thought it would me, that really is the case for some women in different states. they had to go to 2,3, even 4 doctors before finding one to approve them. Even when they are +30 years old or already have a kid. I am thankful that wasn’t my struggle. but this, this is my story. i just wanted to get this out there to show other younger or older women out there looking for this like me, to not give up on fighting and find a doctor who will help. and make this a more public issue. It is ridiculous that in 2017 a women needs her husbands approval to ger her tubes tied? she doesnt need that for an abortion. he can get a vasectomy without his wifes approval. why do some doctors get to tell you your to young you might change your mind. okay well if I change MY mind thats my fault and ill deal with it. there is ivf and adoption if i do. why make you have one or more kids already before doing a procedure to prevent kids? sure you can have some kids then make sure you dont have to worry about more but for the women who just plain never want any kids they shouldnt be singled out and made to have one first. kids are just not for some people for many reasons. and we need to change the way this all works. why is easier for a man to get fixed? why is okay of a women with 2 kids to get fixed but frowned upon for a women with none? why do doctors think age will change our mind? whats the magic number when we know what we know and we are not gonna change our mind? 80? too late. most place your an adult at 18 or even more so 21. so why cant we make that adult decision at 21? i personally knew since i was a pre teen i did not ever want a kid. i love sleep, crying aggravates me, and throw up causes me to have a mental breakdown. (emitaphobia). so why did i have to wait till 25 for anyone to take me seriously? this was my story please share yours with me.

[legalist217]

Grisha Trilogy: in defense of That Ending

My hottest take: the end of Ruin and Rising, while shocking in the moment, is fully consistent with the themes of the book and the Grisha Trilogy as a whole. Further, to feel as though Leigh Bardugo did not tell the story she meant to tell from the outset (for whatever reason, be it executive meddling or chickening out at the last minute) is doing her narrative a disservice at minimum and might at most be missing the point of the series.

This is the part where my good sis @alskaichou and I disagree to disagree and I accept that. Also this essay thing is by and large directed at Tara, and is just being written out longform for efficiency’s sake. So if you disagree with it, it’s not personal. (Unless you’re Tara. And even then, it’s not personal; I just… disagree… with you...) I’d also like it known that I’m only consulting the text, my own notes, and my own thoughts for this analysis... so if these end up being common Hot Takes, welp. 

Also, mass spoilers directly ahead.

To make sure there’s zero ambiguity in what I mean, I’m saying that both the part where Alina gets depowered and the part where Malina is endgame feel like they were intended right from the start, and to argue that the author intended otherwise may be missing a thematic point.

Okay, so, where do I get off with this flaming hot take? There are two keys, in my opinion: Alina’s narration, and the character of Ilya Morozova.

When I was recapping these books, I spent a lot of time bemoaning Alina’s lack of ambition. Here’s this girl with all this OPPORTUNITY, and yet she keeps going for the lowest-hanging fruits of dangerous power, and that’s when she’s even bothering. But… here’s the thing. I’ve been reflecting ever since reading the ending on what Alina was actually saying in her narration. And I realized something: I am pretty sure Alina wasn’t looking for power, or even opportunity.

The problem for Alina is that for most of the series, she’s faced with two extremes. She can smother her Grisha gift and be extremely weak even for an otkazat’sya, or she can accept her Sun Summoner status… which comes with a ton of prestige, prominence, and responsibilities she never asked to have. For her, the options are being a saltwife or being a queen. And Alina just wants to be normal. Just wants to be physically unhampered and able to pursue the life an otkazat’sya may have.

I realize that’s disappointing. It does tend to go against not only what we want from our protagonists (which is in fantasy often “start ordinary but end up extraordinary”), but even more specifically it goes against what we want from a YA protagonist, particularly a female one. We want role models. We want strong female protagonists. We want them to make the right choices. But therein may have lain a trap we set for ourselves.

When I was reading the first book, I fully expected Mal to be killed off within the first fifty pages. I then fully expected him to become the Gale to Alina’s Katniss--the childhood friend who isn’t extraordinary like the protagonist and just can’t keep up with the life she’s destined to lead. The books do lean into this, with the pair of them breaking up over the course of Siege and Storm due to him being unable to understand the person she’s become and resenting that she’s no longer the girl he grew up with, and by the middle of Ruin and Rising, both of them seem committed to a permanent separation so that Alina can be the best Alina she can be and Mal won’t hold her back. 

But... here’s the thing: the reason Mal wouldn’t be a good match for Alina is, by and large, rooted in societal factors which insist that otkazat’sya will never bother to understand Grisha, so trying to build a life together is foolish. I mean, set aside all the prestige that Alina gets for being this unique Sun Summoner, and even then, there’s this artificial divide which the Darkling smugly predicted would occur between them. But if that hadn’t been there, would Mal have been deeply in love with her and likely an unambiguously suited match?

According to the books? Yep. Mal has never had eyes for any girl that isn’t Alina, and that’s something that started even when they were still living at the orphanage, which he suppressed because, well hey, that’s his best friend, he can’t be like that towards her. And when Alina asks him the question I had, which was whether their bond had been falsely forged by the amplifier inside him, the two of them end up having a very sweet conversation about all the human reasons why they love each other regardless of that magnetic draw. 

Does Mal have some growing up to do? Oh, hell yes. But so does Alina. And like it or not (and I know where you are on this, mate), I think they’re a couple who have the foundation and moreover the willingness to grow together. To weather those shitty arguments and those periods of maturation. Because they both care deeply for one another, and they share common interests and goals in the endgame, which lend them a common purpose beyond twu wuv.

I haven’t forgotten all those other aspects of Alina and this ending which I brushed off--not just her powers, but her prestige. How can I so quickly go from “wtf is this ending” to “nah you know what I’m happy for them”?

Enter Ilya Morozova. Him and his obsessive, ultimate love of “ordinary” people, the characters that we readers on a meta level are somewhat trained to disregard and to hope our protagonist ascends well past. I agree with what Alina posits on (of all pages) pg 394; Morozova probably did expect the amplifiers to be united by a Grisha older than memories of memory. And that would be because it would mean they could rest at long last. 

More of this is coming into focus as I sit here and write. Of course Ilya Morozova never finished what he started. He wanted to. Baghra knew him well enough to get that right. But she didn’t understand his love of otkazat’sya, be it his wife or his daughter, even if she pays lip service to believing he felt it for them. She doesn’t understand that feeling her father had because she never felt anything of the sort for them, and why would she after all the persecution, after seeing her father and sister thrown into the sea? 

Baghra understood that he wanted to finish his project. What she failed to realize was that it was not about creating the amplifiers. It was about uniting them. And how could this man do that to his daughter, or her child, or her grandchild? How long before he took his life rather than contemplate this non-choice, I wonder?

Morozova wanted a world where he and his wife would understand each other, where his family would not be cast out by the village. Hence the amplifiers. Hence their ultimate effect. Baghra’s Grisha gift, if you think about it, almost feels like a Newton’s Third Law situation: the darkness brought into being to counteract the newly created light. Balance, as the Darkling would constantly harp on about. But balance is a regular diurnal cycle. Neither Fold nor weird merzost angels (which never happened, boo). I wonder whether any Sun Summoners will have Darkling children. Balance.

I’m veering off my intended track here: by uniting the amplifiers, Alina at once loses her gift and grants Sun Summoning to what’s described as being all the otkazat’sya in range. I don’t think that ended up eliminating the concept of otkazat’sya, unfortunately, but it does two things:

it levels the playing field and likely kicks open the door to Grisha becoming citizens (because how are otkazat’sya supposed to argue that they’re abominations or whatever when the gift can just randomly get flung onto you well past the standard age? actually don’t answer that im sure humans can find a way)

it sets Alina free

I feel like that second one is going to cause Objections, but refer to earlier when I mentioned she was trapped between the two extremes. Saltwife or queen. And while she’s spent three books psyching up to ascending some form of throne or another, she still... really doesn’t want it. And that? Matters. 

To throw down a kind of low blow here, I’m linking a post you enthusiastically reblogged about a young person who, when told they can be anything they want to be, confidently replies they want to be a secretary. Not a CEO, not a scientist, not a lawyer, not a doctor. A secretary.

Alina visibly misses several things over the course of this series. Occasionally it’s cartography. Often, it’s Mal. But mostly, and despite all the trauma that she endured there, she misses her childhood home at Keramzin. I didn’t realize until the ending just how many of her thoughts stray back to the Duke’s house, to lessons from Ana Kuya, to the grounds and the rooms. It may not have been particularly happy, but Alina’s childhood was important to her. And the fact that it wasn’t happy shapes her motivation as she looks to the future, once there’s a future to be had. 

Of course it isn’t something she ever considers in the series, but then again, when would she have had the opportunity to imagine taking over the orphanage? She was the weakest link in the regiment, then training to be the Most Important Grisha, then preparing for all-out war with the Most Dangerous Grisha, then preparing to be a Queen while maintaining appearances as a Saint. She wasn’t really allowed to have her own idea of her future at any point (that I can recall--my brain is still very fuzzy on book one), and the few times that she’s fleeing all these responsibilities, it’s to do nothing more specific than live with Mal, because to survive is all she dare dream of doing. 

Other people want her to be a queen. Including us readers, because it would be a satisfying end to her arc. But, at the end of it all, I think she really doesn’t want to be a queen. And if it weren’t for how the power is so intimately tied to her life force that not using it makes her sickly, I get the sense she would give up the Grisha gift as well. Of course she misses it once it’s gone, because using Grisha power feels good and encourages further use. It’s self-fulfilling. But it was something that kept her separated from her favorite person (because like it or not Mal sure is that for her), and that made her unhappy. 

Sure, we want stories that encourage girls to do what’s best for them and not just to settle for whatever gross man just because. But I think enough happens with Alina where settling down with Mal isn’t, in her case, “settling.” Girl had options. She also knew what made her happy. In the end? No accounting for taste.

[jvzooproductsclub]

Affiliate Rex v2 Review

Affiliate Rex v2 Review

Learn more here: http://mattmartin.club/index.php/2018/02/28/affiliate-rex-v2-review-2/

Welcome to, Mattmartin.club Proud to show you my Affiliate Rex v2 Review hope you will enjoy it !

New Software to systemize your affiliate marketing

Overview :

Product Creator Matt Garrett Product Name Affiliate Rex v2 Front-End Price $47 to $97 Niche Affiliate Marketing Bonuses Yes, CHECK NOW Refund 30 Day Money Back Guarantee Recommend Highly Recommend

Click Here at 8 AM EST on 2018-Feb-27 to get an early bird discount on “Affiliate Rex v2” along with my Exclusive Bonuses

If you know me then you know I always say stay away from the magic button solutions and get rich quick schemes. And I still do. And this is neither. But it is a click simple software that makes affiliate marketing so drop dead easy it kinda makes you re-look at the definition of a magic button (maybe!)

What Affiliate Rex actually does is fully automate every aspect of affiliate marketing. It gives you the same kind of tools that all the top affiliates use. It puts them all into one fully integrated system that lets you set up everything with a few clicks of your mouse.

No complicated autoresponder to set up (it’s done automatically) Traffic and conversion tracking is built in so doesn’t even need setting up. Link Cloaking as standard of course. Even a rank newbie can run this and make it work like gangbusters.

Take a look at the Affiliate Rex v2 Review below and be prepared to be amazed with the newest version of the software!

WHAT IS IT?

In a nutshell, Affiliate Rex v2 is a true push button easy affiliate system that automates, simplifies and speeds up every part and process of your affiliate promotions. In other words, It is a web based affiliate solution that offer you a completely automated, easy click solution to all the barriers that hold back anyone trying affiliate marketing.

It help you cover everything from guaranteed JVZoo approvals to pre-built sales funnels and lead-magnets, to one click GetResponse configuration. Includes automated list building, built-in link cloaking and full traffic and conversion tracking. You can set up a complete affiliate campaign in under 2 minutes and with just a few clicks of the mouse.

FEATURES OF AFFILIATE REX V2

Here are all the features of Affiliate Rex V2:

Affiliate Rex is web based software service so there is nothing to install and nothing to go wrong. Affiliate Rex works from a Mac or Windows computer, in fact any computer with an internet conection. Updates are included and fully automatic. Affiliate Rex integrates seamlessly with GetResponse via API. All you need is a computer with an internet connection.

Affiliate Rex comes with a number of high quality affiliate products that already have a proven sales record. Of course they all come with guaranteed affiliate approval. Simply add JVZoo affiliate links to Affiliate Rex and you can generate an unlimited amount of lists, campaigns and cloaked tracking links for any traffic source you like.

All links are fully tracked for sales page hits, subscriber sign-ups and sales. View all traffic statistics in fine data details or elegant graphs for easy analysis. No additional services or costs are needed. Everything is simply ‘done for you’. See ovarall traffic statistics or drill down into products, campaigns or links.

List building is fully automated. There is nothing for you to do except let your list grow with every sale and every subscriber. Sends traffic direct to lead magnet (giveaway) links to focus on list building.Sales links will ensure you get both buyer and exit-pop subscribers from your traffic.

Once you have made a few sales with Affiliate Rex it will be much easier to get affiliate approvals from other vendors and those highly lucrative launch products. As your lists build you can email out to these new affiliate products making even more money and building a powerful and sustainable business.

Every product inside affiliate Rex comes with a complete sales funnel. Including lead magnet and exit-pop. Each lead magnet/exit-pop comes with a valuable free offer. Everything is fully automated and any affiliate link you create will automatically generate the correct funnel and pages for your affiliate product. Create both sales links (direct to the sales page) a or lead magnet links (to free offer). In either case your list will be populated with subscribers from both sales and sign-ups. No more wasting your traffic as a one hit wonder and only building a list for the product owners.

Each product comes with it’s own JV page including ad banners and emails swipes to help with your promotion. Discount vouchers and bonus bundles are also included so you will have every advantage when promoting affiliate products. Nothing is left out of Affilite Rex. You will have all the tools you need for successful promotions of affiliate products. I want to ensure you make sales and build your list as fast as possible!

Nothing for you to install or download. Just add the discount codes to your promotion pages or emails and add the bonus URL to JVZoo. Everything will then be automated for you.

Affiliate Rex is ultra simple to use but the creators have included full training videos to get you started fast! Nothing long and drawn out just a straight to point, follow instructions to get started fast – kind of thing.

WHY SHOULD YOU GET IT?

Let me be very clear though. This is not a magic button or a get rich quick scheme. Only fools believe in those. So if that’s what you’re looking for then please move on. But this truly is the next best thing. Where things can be automated they have been, where they can be pre built they have been. Where it can be “done for you” it has been. Like any real opportunity you will need to put some work in. You will actually have to follow the instructions and actually do what’s needed.

Do that and you will start to make money and build a real sustainable affiliate business. If you want to finally jump start your affiliate business then Affiliate Rex V2 is exactly what you have been waiting for. Affiliate Rex V2 removes all the obstacles that are stopping you from being successful.

Don’t miss this opportunity. Don’t sit there spinning your wheels and bashing away at the same old problems day after day when you can simply leap over all those show stoppers and be up and running in minutes.

Imagine getting guaranteed JVZoo affiliate approvals

Imagine not having to spend hours trying to configure your autoresponder

Imagine creating cloaked and trackable links in one click.

Imagine seeing all your traffic statistics at the click of a mouse.

Imagine having your sales funnels and lead magnets pre-built for you.

Imagine finally having a real affiliate system of your own.

HOW DOES IT WORK?

How Does affiliate Rex Ensure Your Success?

Promoting Already Proven And High Converting Offers and Keeping All The Money!

Pre-Built Perfect Sales Funnels With Zero Work

Affiliate Link Cloaking Increases Click-Throughs And Protects Your Commissions

Stand Out In The Crowd With Unique Selling Points

Another thing that can be extraordinarily complex and difficult to set-up is conversion tracking. Not with Affiliate Rex. Tracking and analysis of traffic, subscribers and sales for all the Affiliate Rex products, is fully automated. There is literally nothing to set up.

Just click to the Traffic Statistics page to see beautiful and easy to understand tracking graphs and data. See a complete system overview or drill down into individual products, campaigns and even individual links.

With Affiliate Rex you know exactly which traffic sources are working and which are not. And exactly how well. This can save you $1000s in wasted traffic by quickly identifying the good from the bad. Kill off the bad traffic and ramp up the good traffic to really make a killing.

WHO IS IT FOR?

If any of the below ring true then you still need Affiliate Rex v2:

Have you been stopped from getting the most out of the extraordinarily profitable JVZoo Affiliate System?

Do your affiliate requests never get approved?

Do you waste your affiliate traffic because you’re only building the sellers list?

Are autoresponders too flippin’ complicated?

Do the products you promote simply not convert to sales?

Is putting together a profitable funnel just too complicated or takes too long?

Affiliate Rex solves all the above problem, and more, by guaranteeing your affiliate approval to a range of proven profitable JVZoo IM products, automating autoresponder and sales funnels, and tracking all your traffic in detail. This and the additional functions inside Affiliate Rex finally ensure you can get your system or your affiliate business up and running today.

Conclusion :

In a nutshell, I’m really thankful to you for keeping up with my Affiliate Rex v2 Review to the very end, so you can make the right decision for your own business. Good luck and see you again!

If you are on the fence about getting this product or not, please notice that the product has 100% Risk-FREE along with 30 Day Money Back Guarantee that worth the try of everybody.

By checking and purchasing the product through my link, you don’t have to spend any extra fee or anything, and i will have some commission to build my review site to provide you more and more honest reviews. Moreover, i will be glad to give you a huge bonus (free of charge) with every product buying from my link.

Click Here at 8 AM EST on 2018-Feb-27 to get an early bird discount on “Affiliate Rex v2” along with my Exclusive Bonuses

If you buy through my affiliate link (just click on any link on this page) you get these bonuses below: 

СНЕСK ІТ NОW

Please Note: I only promote products I use or have used myself. All have great reviews, significant sales and low refund rates. I try to promote offers from reliable and trustworthy sellers with excellent track record about customer support and are in business for a while.

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