#im feeling so many emotions its insane
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the unhingery this season is truly off the charts
#just finished the third season#i dont know what to think#im feeling so many emotions its insane#panchayat
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the idea of rio and agatha having a messy, early on breakup that doesn’t have to do with later actual tragic events appeals so much to me. like the idea of agatha knowing that rio is a cosmic, powerful, terrifying entity and still stomping on her heart on purpose. and it just makes rio more attracted to her because she has never had something slip away from her grasp before
#woman who just does bland routine her entire existence learns of The Chase#this doesn’t mean i don’t love their actual tragic breakup#i just think like what if younger agatha was such a lady killer she just was like okay im bored let’s break up with her and see what happens#or maybe she doesn’t know she’s death but knows she is insanely#deeply dangerous#but it doesn’t matter because she’s a traveler#and she’s decided well now i feel like fleeing the country#imagine her shock when she kills another coven#and omg! theres her ex again#agatha is such a leave first to not get her heart broken#she feels the tug of emotional connection and uproots everything instantly#so its just kind of interesting to explore#that despite her running away#rio will always chase her#and at some point she realizes she can’t keep herself from knowing#that rio will always be right there behind her#sickeningly romantic#TOO MANY TAGS SORRY#agatha all along#yap#agatha harkness#agathario#vidahark#rio vidal
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oh captain my captain i didn't know what league of legends game was when i watched arcane. so i thought the plot was alright since i didn't (still don't) know the game lore. if it wasn't basically a prequel story, trying to aim the characters at the way they are in canon, do u think the plot and character arcs would have held up alright? or does that actually make the arcane canon story worse since it wouldn't at least have the existing canon as something it needed to land at eventually as an excuse for any "out of character" decisions? thank u
i wouldnt even call it a prequel story? its like a very elaborate au in a sense, one that feels comfortable changing things to a certain extent- clothes, personality adjustments, motivations, but they still have to hit certain beats. vi has to be an enforcer, jinx has to be a wild card harley quinn type, ekkos time powers ect ect. idk WHAT it is maybe the show needed more time or tighter focus or less characters but i just felt that like, some of the story decisions directly relating to LoL lore werent outright bad but didnt have a lot of time to breathe. the standout example being ekkos time thing, where when i watched that scene i assumed it was both a stylistic representation of a fight and establishing his and jinx's prior relationship (which is kind of too little too late considering they did not fucking speak once as kids pre time skip), and then i had to get a friend to explain to me for SEVERAL MINUTES that he literally died during that fight and it was supposed to be showing his rewind thing. it just wasnt clear at all and his character would not change in the slightest if he didnt have it. but you cant NOT include it so. *
really i have no clue the full extent of the story the writers wanted to tell and how much LoL is binding their hands on story beats. and i REALLY dont want to be inflexible considering i still have a full season coming up that might make me more receptive to certain decisions. but considering how much of the cast i REALLY like just straight up are not in the game, i think they are fully capable of making a solid story completely divorced from league
*someone in the comments told me apparently that Wasnt his time thing and my original read of the scene was correct so im not gonna hold it against the show.
#basically anytime i was like huh thats weird#my friend would lean over and go thats league shit#and then i just kind of sit there. Huh#asks#Anonymous#obviously its a massive step up from league both aesthetics wise and like. as a cohesive narrative#i hate you vi undercut/dreadlocks you are so nasty#but i read like this short except drabble from her bio on the website and. look im sorry#i kind of like that she fucking sucks#it gives her a direction at least#like theyre trying to align arcane violet with the choices of a version of her that seems completely antithetical#but again i cant even get that deep into it we dont know how long her fucking enforcer phase will last!#a month? a year? who knows! we dont even know if she likes it#and LoL vi clearly revels in that kind of violence#idk something about her shittiness made her more engaging#whatever i hope in season two she loses so many fights its important to me actually#like its insane this is going to sound so fucking mean but i like her less bc she wins so goddamn much#i compare her to like. gideon nav obviously but also the protagonist of monkey man#and both of those things kind of emphasize those characters losing Hard. chapter 2 of gtn is her getting her ass beat#it just makes the wins later more satisfying#but idk maybe its supposed to be balanced by her emotional losses but the story feels so. removed from it?#spent like 7 years in prison we see none of it she comes out of there like she wasnt incarcerated in an adult facility since age 15#and now a girl she spent at the LONGEST a week with but probably closer tk 2-3 days is the same level of emotional import as her sister#SHAKING the writers i am not SOLD why is she LIKE THIS#cough. anyway
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She was driven mad by the truth (Clover and Emmeline love Hunter to pieces)
#that scene in ftf makes me fucking insane!!!!#their concerned little faces as they trail after him#like. hes not going anywhere. hes just pacing. they dont need to do this#but theyre silly brainless little creatures. they dont really know how to comfort him.#all they know is that hes sad :( and they are filled with love for him :( so they want to be close to him so hes less alone :(#do you ever think about how#clover and emmeline spent who knows how many years lost and forgotten#without a witch#i feel like a bond with a witch is the core of any palisman. they feel a void if they dont have one#so their little brains can certainly put together how devastated hunter must be to lose his ''other half''#its literally the worst thing their little brains could think of. its heartbreaking for them to see#but again. thryre not the brightest. theyre just like ''he's all alone'' :(#so their solution is to attach themselves to him so hes not alone#thats all they can think to do. theyre trying#also i feel like a part of their love for hunter is influenced by willow and gus' love for hunter#considering witches and palismen have a mental link im sure they fully understand just how deep the adoration for this boy runs#and thats all the reason they need to love him too#(i cant sleep. so you get very emotional babbling about palismen)
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ttpd is exactly the kind of album i need in my life rn, and this fact is the reason that i am having such a visceral reaction to it after only listening to it twice. i fear i may have to go a week or so without listening to it again bec i feel completely insane and drained rn
#ive got the same gutting feeling as when i listened to youre losing me for the first time#i was dying#and then i could not listen to it again for many many many weeks#but now its one of my top ts songs#so i know ttpd will be getting the same treatment#but its ruining me rn#especially after this week#coming back from a small family holiday#coming back to reality#just#:(ug#i feel yucky#and also i am a little hungover today so#emotions are insane#also also im on my period#so#yeah#ttpd#ts#tag talk#sage.words
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my psychiatrist was trying to explain that a lot of my depression and anxiety probably stems from my trying to force myself into a (neurotypical/allistic) mold that i wasn't made for and that it's nothing to be ashamed of and she listed elon musk and bill gates as my fellow autists and that made me cry harder
#mia.txt#i wasnt like crying bc i was diagnosed with ASD it was more just crying cause i cry all the time now and it was a cathartic session#oh i forgot to mention it but god i cant even describe the weird feeling of being told im actually autistic (UNPROMPTED)#after like. wondering for so many years but being too scared to bring it up to any psychiatrist#so i was just like well maybe i am or maybe i just have adhd. thats ok im not too worried about it :)#and then i was just like talking about my sensory issues being exacerbated by my meds#and then she started asking me more questions abt my sensory issues and social problems and then she pointed out that i#had been rocking back and forth the entire time. which i genuinely dont even notice anymore like i was like oh shit i sure am doing that#and she basically went through the whole questionnaire and was like has no one really ever brought up the possibility that you were#on the spectrum. because you definitely are#and i was like 🤷🏻♀️ idk! im not sure#but it was probably pretty damning that the one other time i had gotten tested he literally gave up bc the questions were too vague#oh but anyway like no that doesnt help actually 😔#i really don't think its shame-based like i KNOW im Different(TM) thats not shocking to me#but i do expend an insane amount of mental and emotional energy trying to be Normal and pretend i am not autistic#the masking that is causing me so much stress is the very thing that prevented me from being diagnosed earlier lmfaooo
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its clean its fucking clean i cleaned it
#toy pic post#undescribed#40gal#then dad dismissed how much fucking effort it took whether intentionally or not and i got so angry cos i already was having to#outsource reward chemicals or whatever the fuck to chocolate covered pretzels and a soda#and i was so overwhelmed from exhaustion and overstimulated to be fucking graciously regulating my emotional responses to him saying#Stupid Shit that i just got so angry i had to sleep#but i was. really determined. to manuafacture some kinda fucking reward. so i played viddygame until i fell asleep#bc that seemed like it would be better for my brain than straight up rage napping#anyway. i will. attempt the 90gal tomorrow. todayrrow. im going to. get up and get a snack and then brush my teeth and go to bed for real#bc i just cant stop fucking Horse Sleeping. i guess#so close#still much to do. i have to do the 90 and put the plants back on top of the 40 but its already so much quieter in here#which is good for me not being driven insane by. the sound of my failure to do a task.#shit i still need to dose fertilizer as well. i will try to do that before i go back to sleep#but i was too fucking angry to be thinking about Ratios of Liquid without exploding so its good i didnt attempt it earlier probably#anyway.POSTIVES: ITS CLEAN. I CAN SEE IN THE TANK AGAIN. THE PLANTS I SHOVED IN THE TOP ARE GROWING CRAZY#EVEN IF THEYRE A BIT UGLY AND LEGGY. I DIDNT FIND ANY DEAD FISH. THE KUHLIS CONSTANTLY SWIMMING UNDER THE ALGAE SCRUBBER#WAS A LITTLE ANNOYING AND INCONVENIENT BUT ALSO. CUTE AND ENDEARING. I LOVE THE STUPID NOODLE ANIMALS#i got a lot done today even if it wasnt all i wanted and many of the tasks were tiny. it got the big fucking task done that was hanging ove#over my head for weeks and making me feel intensely guilty. and now its so QUIET. like the 90 is still loud sure! but its just One of them#now!#the fucking palpable relief
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ohh the joy of videos and streams... i like listening to people talk about things they like/think about it’s very contagious... 🥺
#lizzy speaks#THIS IS BROUGHT TO U BY THE MINATO BRAINCELLS SHAKING BACK AND FORTH..#so so many of my interests feel like they're in some kind of hibernation lately in terms of the emotions they evoke#my brains been mostly gravitating towards formulating strategies and trying new things in splatoon right now... LOL.. so i havent thought-#a whole bunch about other things i like even if they do mean a lot to me..#so i really appreciate being around other people who really like the things that they like because its infectious and reminds me why-#i enjoy those characters / ships / whatever else#like oh... ryomina.. minato.. ryoji... i love them very much and i like hearing other people express their appreciation for them#also yosuke.... i like hearing my friends talk about yosuke his characters a very fun one for me even if i never took the time 2 personally#analyze him its just very nice to be around that kind of energy! im so grateful!#related but unrelated squid school made a video about the splatoon manga... which i havent thought abt in a month or two#yet somehow watching that revitalized my sleeping lil braincell that loves vintage coroika...#IDK i just feel like lately ive gotten to be around a very contagious positive energy of people who appreciate stuff and i like that!!#mayb ill stream again... something about talking about things out loud and not over text evokes a certain kind of insanity#i like to draw to express my love 4 the things i've come across but sometimes i think too much abt the quality.. LOL#so maybe ill just go FUCK IT we ball!! better to draw than to not draw at all. or ill just stream 2 outlet the 'hehe i love so many things'#there is so much love stored in my heart it hurts i lov So many Things and I love Being reminded of that god i love people loving things!!!
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Rip Tim the Goldfish,
You helped me through lockdown and some very rough times. You were meant to be a feeder fish, I hope I gave you a good life.
The best $0.78 I've ever spent, I'll miss ya bud.
#tw animal death#tw pet death#i am genuinely sad about this. i just dont know how to deal with it :/#i feel like an insane person mourning him so much#but its less about the death itself and moreso how much metaphorical weight he carries for me#like i said i bought him during lockdown#hes moved with me twice one of those times across the contry#he was there for my moms death and for all of the shit with my close family#my graduating project was about him like 100%#and now as i start a new chapter of my life hes gone#he was so much more then just a pet fish#he was what got me out of bed many days and now as i start thus new chapter i dont have that anymore.#ill be okay im just sad right now#in mourning#and i want to be validated in my current bundle of emotions
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stfu ART cannot be dead. surely not. this book is lying to me
#someone better say sike RIGHT FUCKING NOW im so upset. im SO upset#although i do incredibly love murderbot having an emotional breakdown.#when the one alien (<< i think theyre aliens ar least) said they deleted art and amena looked at murderbots face and just said 'oh shit'#like fuck yes i love some murderous revenge moments. thats so delicious. but also i cannot accept the fact that art is dead#MURDERBOT HAS REFERRED TO ART AS ITS FRIEND MULTIPLE TIMES SINCE IT AND AMENA WERE CAPTURED#IT HAS NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. WITHOUT ANY SNARKY SIDE COMMENTSRY#IT HAS THOUGHT THE WORD FRIEND. GENUINELY. MULTIPLE TIMES.#IM GOING TO START EATING FIBERGLASS. RIGHT NOW#SOMEONE SAY SIKE PLEASE. I MISS ART SO MUCH#<< DO NOT ACTUALLY TELL ME. IM STILL READING.#reaction time#im fucking UPSET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but also i LOVE murderbot feeling unbridled emotions . more of that please. its pissed its grieving its miserable#it cant think about art too long without completely breaking down. it has let its guard down around dangerous entities so many times. it#never fucjing does that. especially while it considers amena a client and ESPECIALLY because shes dr mensahs kid.#what the hell im feeling so insane rn.
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I feel like at least several times a month, I have a random insane revitalization of my love for The Smiths. Not that I ever stop loving them, but I'll listen to some song and then suddenly fall into this pit of just deep, intense love for their music again where I can't stop listening to their music on repeat and watching live performances and looking at pics like AAAAAHHHHHH WHY IS THEIR MUSIC SO GOOOD?????? WHY IS IT PERFECT?????? WHY WERE THEY SO GENDER???????
(songs I am feeling intense brainrot over rn in case you're curious: "I Want The One I Can't Have(live)", "Stretch Out and Wait(live)", "You Just Haven't Earned It Yet Baby", "Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others(demo)", "What She Said", "The Boy With The Thorn in His Side(live)"(p.s. I Want The One I Can't Have is Martian-coded to me, pls listen)(also it reminds me of that movie I watched yesterday)
#i want the one i cant have is playing on repeat in my brain rn and i watched a live performance and i was tearing up. why am i like this#the live versions of their songs are just incredibly good like at an insane level to me#i know the guitar is very complicated bcs my brother is equally obsessed w the smiths and rants to me abt how hard their music is to play#so the fact that their live performances are equal if not better than their studio versions is crazy#and i love the way he sings in live versions AAAAHHHH like just so over the top and dramatic#i absolutely love singing along to music and their songs are perfect bcs i can be as dramatic and loud as i want#and that hes singing perfectly and dramatizing it so much also while dancing along to it on stage??????#their music has an energy to it in every single aspect that no other band will ever be able to reach for me#i spent so much of today just dancing along to their music and singing over the top. i just felt so joyful 🥹🥹🥹🥹#GAAAHHHH sorry i just am really in it rn hahaha#its just crazy to me ig that ive listened to these songs so many times and they still fill me with such emotion#my mom sings and dance along w me tho shes like 'wow youre so energetic today did you hit your head or smth' 😭😭😭#also was losing my mind looking at their pictures today and gahhhhhhhhb such gender envy their gender is unmatched to me#but its so funny every time i get gender envy over smiths era morrissey +#because theres some pics of my dad from that same period of time when he was younger where he literally looks exactly like morrissey#SIR WHY DID I NOT INHERIT YOUR LEVEL OF GENDER???????(my dad was a icon sjdkkd we look alike tbh)#anyways: i feel very joyful and energetic about their music. they just make me so happy and i want to dance around again 🥹#i think this recent lapse into the pit was bcs i listened to the demos/live versions on The Queen is Dead deluxe edition#and im like ....how the fuck are they this fucking good??????#hehehe tho my passion has affected others 🤭#my brother is learning some songs on guitar atm and waxes poetic abt their instrumentals#my dad always listens to their entire discography when he needs background music. and my mom sings and dances w me#sorry this is unhinged i just feel a lot of serotonin bcs their music and i need to infect other people LMAO#maybe i need to make another web weave#catie.rambling.txt
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crazy to think about how people just. dont care about their cats going outside and never coming back. crazy how they accept that these animals with an almost twenty year lifespan don’t ever even break 1/5 of that estimation
#crazy!!!!!#anyways my family keeps letting my cats get out bc ‘they like it :)’ and i feel insane!!!#i care for animals dependent on me#apparently its too radical of me to want my cats to stay alive for longer than a handful of years#how dare i make you feel an ounce of guilt or any uncomfortable#emotion at how many animals you’ve forsaken because you never cared enough to learn or do anything that didnt#make your life more convenient. so fucking sorry that my brother is better at understanding my pet care advice then fellow grown ass adults#the way they do this when im paying them hundreds to thousands of my dollars :))))))#forbid i ever ask for one fucking thing in this house#slush.text#i feel so angry i cna feel it making me more stupid ughhhghhhh
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Mr Gatto, do you like doing your job? Is it something you enjoy doing?
(Also take care of yourself Mun! :D)
Even after everything... I don't think I will be changing my job anytime soon.
#identity v#aesop carl#identity v embalmer#identity v ask blog#identity v the embalmer#gatto event#hi anon thanks for the concern XD#im doing alright i just have this insane depressive block that has been impeding y creative processes#so ive been trying a lot of things to get out of it#one option is to wait it out but im miserable doing nothing. so i will force it out and feel slightly better that at least i did something#i probably should have spaced oout my posts i clear the inbox really really quickly#ill try to get some stuff out while i can. since im free for the month before work resumes n i disappear again#seriously though its frustrating sitting down staring at a blank canvas for 10 mins with 0 ideas and low energy#and then resigning myself to going back to lying down and mindlessly scrolling twitter or whatever#every single time i try to do something i end up back on my bed. for days on end. it makes me want to throw myself down a flight of stairs#at least with asks i have something to work towards and thats so much better even if i do end up back on the bed afterwards#this sounds like a very pathetic show of begging for asks. which i guess it is???#its just that. i used to have so many ideas. i used to draw so many comics. i want to cry every time i compare that with myself now#has work killed off so much of my creativity? probably. but i just really want it back. so im trying my best#i didnt mean to get this emotional in the tags but this is really something ive been struggling with a lot right now#so if u have the time to spare. just drop something dumb in my inbox. it helps a great deal. much greater than i can express#but anyway if ur reading this im still very grateful for the support u have shown to the blog in one way or another.#so thank you very much n i hope the day will treat you kindly#less than three
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Me, once again infected with The Terror brain worms: I have so many feeling about AMCs The Terror 😔
#the video essay that exists in my brain is so good. if only i knew how to video edit lol#its mostly just talking abt god in the landscape which i have so so many feelings abt#the comments im getting on the goodsir thing i posted this weeked r making me insane#like i feel the emotion in that scene so deeply inside me that its baffling that ppl r surprised by it. in a good way tho i suppose#like in a: i am grabbing ur face so u can stare into thr light thats blinding me#i just have so many feelings abt harry goodsir. and the show. and the landscape#about nature being laced with the devine. except im not religious. but also they're feeling so big i have to seek out religious text to put#them in context. not me reading thr bible to talk abt a horror show abt a bunch of old dead white me#everyday i get closer and closer to having insane opinions on the Christian religion but in like a literature way. like a fanon way#jesus. y am i like this? if i was religious id b a fucking unhinged#unrelated#terror ramblings#also i wish i took more time on the landscape image on the goodsir post 😭 its killing me
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i am restraining myself, every minute of every day, to not just drop all my responsibilities and go mental over these girls. theres so much i want to write for them, and so much art i want to draw, and so much incoherent screaming i wanna do about them….
AND BARELY ANYONE ELSE CARES 😭😭😭
#im feeling a lot of big emotions about them rn#like so so many#i love them too much#to the 15 followers i have on this blog: thanks for humouring me. the insanity will not be ending anytime soon#raaaAAAAAAH i love them#i wish there were more people who posted about them cause its kinda just me and bambi carrying the ship here on tumblr lmao#and i love making content for them but i want consume it too ;-;#not the girlies 🤍
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i got reminded of smth i wanted to post before but forgot -
#the earth shattering mental state i entered having to explain that we'll never have sex by leith isnt cringe is kinda insane#that song means soo much to me for so many reasons and i feel like its pretty self explanatitory given the title ans lyrics#and honestly its really infuriating seeing people be immature and call something vulnerable cringe#like im sorry youre uncomfortable with vulnerability and emotions but you dont get the right to shit on someone else who is comfortable#just because you feel uneasy#and that goes for so many things#ill prob delete this sometime in the future but who knows
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