#i care for animals dependent on me
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crazy to think about how people just. dont care about their cats going outside and never coming back. crazy how they accept that these animals with an almost twenty year lifespan don’t ever even break 1/5 of that estimation
#crazy!!!!!#anyways my family keeps letting my cats get out bc ‘they like it :)’ and i feel insane!!!#i care for animals dependent on me#apparently its too radical of me to want my cats to stay alive for longer than a handful of years#how dare i make you feel an ounce of guilt or any uncomfortable#emotion at how many animals you’ve forsaken because you never cared enough to learn or do anything that didnt#make your life more convenient. so fucking sorry that my brother is better at understanding my pet care advice then fellow grown ass adults#the way they do this when im paying them hundreds to thousands of my dollars :))))))#forbid i ever ask for one fucking thing in this house#slush.text#i feel so angry i cna feel it making me more stupid ughhhghhhh
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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i wish i 1. Could make cool video edits 2. Had a coold computer that could take the hd modes of datv w my rook cuz i am full of ideas but i don't have the Tools
#anyways if anyone out here Does make video edits for datv#1. solas edit of oh ana by mother mother#2. rook v solas edit to hell born shove / impossible by walkways#3. i feel like theres a lot of good bits of apeshit by the sound of animals fighting that works for rook Or solas#ig consider these for playlists too if yall care abt that stuff#dazen talks dragon age#in tags mostly but#still#daze.txt#i had another one but i forgot it#neve x rook or lucanis x rook or neve x lucanis to stray italian greyhound would be good#but mb more fitting for an animatic#mb rook w other companions depending on your own rook its just. when it works that song Hits#can you tell /i'm/ working on playlists lmao#EDIT I HAVE ANOTHER ONE.#day that i ruined your life by boston manor for solavellan (from solas pov)#maybe throw in some mythal comparison tastiness idfk#(i never rly did much w solavellan but hes so fucked up and pathetic it compels me)#(this is not an own or insult on solas if thats ur thing i just find the narrative interesting is what i mean)#last addition: impress your creators by tub ring. all around good datv song
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Most people's reactions to the new RF: Oh thank god all the likely love interests thus far actually look like adults!!!
Me: Please god let them be hyping up the "town building" addition more than necessary. I DO NOT want to actually make and shape the town. Please.
#rune factory#literally i have never had any desire to do any kind of landscaping or building placement in games#if i WANTED that i'd play animal crossing. give me a pre-built town that i can just tack on a few necessary things like a monster barn#heck i'm one of those people who doesn't even mess with the houses when playing sims!#i can spend HOURS making a family of sims. just to stick them in one of two default houses depending on how big the starting household is#also for the record i do not care and have never cared for the 'age/appearance discourse' that constantly haunts this series#regardless of how some of the characters look and/or act... they are considered close in age and an appropriate match for the PROTAGONIST#the protagonist is still pretty young too! so the choices will be similarly young! it's not rocket science.#heck i much prefer this to say a game where you're given the option of significantly older love interests despite a canonly young protag#(cough persona 5 cough. kawakami is GREAT just as a social link but being able to romance her when playing a highschooler is... a choice)#that said at the end of the day it's all fiction so i don't really care that much.#ultimately i'm of the opinion that the more love interests the better! more options means more opportunity for EVERYONE to strike gold!#it just bothers me how a huge chunk of the fandom hates on or is uncomfortable with several completely valid love interests
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i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3
#seriously a blessing in my burnout recovery#i think i had 2 burnouts really#1st when i was 12 i burnt out academically#and fell into other hyperfixations like homestuck and anime#n cartoons also socially burnt after my friends got annoyed w myhyperfixes but got close w my husband which helped/distracted from burnout#then i did again injjjjunior year i would say#i was burnt out creatively and socially and i hated band for the first time and i met my first AP class that i couldnt just coast through#because we had to do checked notes and DAMN im grateful for that teacher!!!!!!!!!!!#genuinely led to me learning how to take notes on text when i never had to before#but i literally cried. because spent HOURSSS the first few times trying to do my notes before a classmate told me theres a website that#summarized the book#which helped a lot#but it was the first time since suspecting i have Something other than depression/anxiety that i was SURE i had adhd#it kinda just clicked so i got on a nonstimulant that helped a bit but had shitty physical symptoms that got worse as i got older#i was on it forrrr like 2 or 3 years before i stopped taking it#but i also got on a 504 which gave me deadline flexibility which like#great yknow finishing out junior and senior year medicated woo#but senior year last semester i had terrible senioritis lol#which i now realize was that 2nd burnout#and literally from march 2020 to the end 2022 i barely talked to anyone or engaged on any level with most people other than smoking weed#and being a therapist#and my beautiful wonderful husband ofc but we kinda enabled each other lmao#but yknow that gap of time when my locale cared about covid and stuff was just not going on i really recovered#i didnt draw much or do much hobbywise#i did probably too much weed and not too much but Quite a Damn Lot of acid#(which.. idk who follows me now... but acid isnt a evil scary drug it is not physically harmful and wholly dependent on mindset)#and i worked a lot#but... i quit my job at the end of 2022. which kinda directly correlates with me reconnecting with my friend group#and reconnecting with them... i decided to go back to college#re realized the path for my passion for psychology lies in academia and i LIKE that
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Had a bad day at work today ... x__x...
#Atleast I'm home now but ........ ×_× ...#Back at it again tomorrow ... and don't have a day off until next Friday... ughhhh#The long long hours are what's grinding the shit out of my psyche#I think I've worked about 90 hours without a break day insofar. My heads so fucked#I'm set to work like another 60 hours until I get a day off so like.. almost 150hrs without a day off.#It hurts a lot. I wish I could confidently get another job that doesn't suck shit like these hours do#I don't even know what that'd look like without being underpaid. My job is technically easy#It just hurts my head to have to do it for so long#It feels like either 'get paid a lot to do stupid bullshit for a lot of hours' or 'get underpaid to do less stupid bullshit for less time'#And sometimes the less stupid bullshit is harder work. Yknow what I mean#Like I'd care about it more depending on what it is. But sometimes it's even harder than what I'm doing now#I don't know though. But if I never try ill never know#But it's also like. That's a big leap to take for someone who doesn't have a safety net out here#And my problem is... I don't even know where I'd go to have that safety net.#I don't think it exists for me anymore. When I went homeless it got better and I wouldn't change it#But it also means building back everything I lost. It sometimes feels impossible even though it isnt#But .... God. I wish I just had a place I could trust fall like I want to and feel OK with if it falls through#Like I'm not going to go homeless again sorta way. Like my cats have a place to live.#I don't know what I'd do if I lost the ability to house my animals. I'd be so fucked
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if i invited someone over to watch a movie and they started trying to make out w me i would be so mad especially if it was a movie i really like. like if someone tried to kiss me while saw 2004 was playing we would not be having another date thats a promise ‼️‼️‼️
#i would also be so caught off guard it would scare me like a prey animal i would sprint for the treelinr#not really. i mean sort of. if *i* suggested hey can i show you a movie i care about and then you wanted to ignore it i would be a little#mad but ummmm depends on the situation. generally tho. watch my movie boy.#kora.txt
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thinking about how sunday night i came home from work and cried for an hour bc i’m being pushed past my limit, and how monday morning a customer told me, completely unprompted, “your job is so easy. all you do is ring people up and take care of animals. nothing hard about it.”
#‘’well it depends on the crowd i guess’’#YOU sir are the bad crowd#and what the fuck do you know about my job#look around. do u see any other employees? no? that’s bc there’s only two of us running the whole floor#and sometimes not even! sometimes it’s just me running every department!#‘’all you do is take care of animals’’ do you see how many of them there are???
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I FINALLY BEAT TOTK!! After like 3 detours for other Zelda games lmao
And I did it in the Twilight Armor set. because I could 😌
It was alright! Honestly, I don't know if I liked it more than BoTW, I'd need to replay that one. It's been a bit. But that last fight was more Zorah Magdaros than I was expecting (iykyk) and not in a good way. Idk, I think people are focusing purely on the spectacle when they say it's amazing, which is fine! Dragons are cool and it's cool that you get to ride around on your girlfriend, but mechanically it's just Colgera again. And yeah, the ending felt like a big ass-pull, I'm sorry lmao. zelda just suddenly isn't a dragon anymore?? With no lasting effects of giving up her entire being? Which clearly wasn't true, but she doesn't even remember any of it?? Link doesn't get to keep the arm?? Or isn't at least down one?? Where even was Sonia before that last bit?? Could they have done that the entire time?? And Link didn't even hug her???!? Also did the ancient sages even have names???? Idk, suspension of disbelief and all that but the little things the devs don't address add up and take me out of it. It'd be easier to ignore if there wasn't so much, or if the rest of the game made up for it and it doesn't for me lol.
That is not to say I didn't have fun with it, honestly I spent more time running around on foot than I did in BoTW (mostly because I wanted to complete the map but still) but I only pushed myself to finish it so I could justify replaying Okami since I already took so many breaks and, well. I don't know how to put it better than that. Solid game, others are better, 7/10
#totk spoilers#just in case#i've seen the theory about Sonia's spirit being trapped in the stone Ganondorf stile from her#but there’s no indication of that in-game#you know what would have implied that? a little particle animation going from sonia into the stone during that cutscene. thats it.#not that it matters cause rauru supposedly moved on before ypu leave the first island and claims there's nothing else he can do for zelda#which ends up being either a very poor choice of words or an outright lie depending on how you look at it#which. why even say that then???#also like. you'd think the guy would be more concerned that his wife's soul is in the clutches of the demon king#but he’s rather blasé about it#so i don't really buy it#unfortunately that's about as far as i care about sonia and rauru#They're not very interesting characters tbh#so much of their personalities are explained at you instead of shown#sonia in particular only exists to die#i don't QUITE consider it fridging since her death affects everyone#but she's doesn't have any real presence besides being Rauru's wife and having a cute design. She’s like Ilia that way.#rauru's just kind of an idiot#mineru WOULD have been interesting if she was an earlier quest and could talk to you at all#the zonai make me miss the twili#i do thoroughly enjoy the theory that the twili are early zonai tho and you can pry it from my cold dead hands#but the story in this game is. not presented well despite having interesting concepts.#idk i think totk has the same overall problem for me that botw had‚ only worse#in that all the interesting bits have already happened and you aren’t really part of it#which. kind of defeats the purpose of a silent protagonist#even if you toss that out link is less of a character in this than he was in botw#he just. doesn't react to anything he should be reacting to#previous games (ESPECIALLY Skyward Sword) had this figured out#it feels like they ironically went backwards on as much as they went forwards. ah well.#again i DID have fun with this game! i want to be clear about that! but idk. it just. doesn't hold me as well as other games. that's all.
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honestly man fuck having a consistent artstyle 🎤
#drawing has been so much more. freeing for me ever since I stopped caring abt consistency#I just do whatever and it's great#so much more room to explore and experiment too when you're not chained down to one style#sometimes I mix techniques together depending on whatever I'm working on bc I think it fits#it's really great#also WIP reveal on some of these lmaooo#DN musical pieces coming soon there's an L one too#also been studying the original anime and manga artstyles lately by drawing myself that's what's on the upper right#DN brainrot got me good this time around#Elle is talking again#elle draws#wip#work in progress
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OH SHIT CHIPANNIVERSARY IS SOON. i need to make something
#i have one (1) idea but i cant animate well if my life depended on it#i'll try guys okay??? handle me with care please i will shatter on impact#harmony squeaks#chipspeech
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I think I was male as a deinonychus tbh
#malewife bird for 100 million years and counting#i distinctly remember caring for young in the later years of my life after my injury#(at some point as an adult animal i sustained a hip injury. i rember that too)#and possibly dying while they were still dependent on me? that part is fuzzy
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Where’s the articles on how to quit a job and tell the bosses what absolute shit they are and how they are on a path to perpetually fucking up for the rest of forever without burning bridges so badly you can’t use them as references because they’re like the only professional references you have since your last boss got fired for embezzlement
#im so sick of my job it’s making me actually sick with stress#I need to talk to my parents about taking time to be unemployed for a bit so that I can heal and rest and take care of animal things#and then look at state/college jobs or something#ideally where I can work from home#I have quite a bit of savings and can definitely cut back on spending depending on how these vet visits go#I’ll miss being at a zoo but bosses are bosses#it’s getting to the point where I can’t really play nice with the bosses anymore and I gotta get out before it gets me in trouble
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i think not having to hide as much just how ND and mentally ill i am i public would not necessarily solve all my problems but it sure as fuck make things a lot better
#not that i can really hide it that much#or even care to sometimes. depending on the context and such#esp since my tics seem to be a bit worse as of late#and it sucks to feel like i just. constantly have to lock myself and redirect it which. just makes it worse for later#also it sucks to clearly be having a bit of a freakout and then feeling the need to overcorrect for it#and explain it away as just tiredness or stress sucks :(( like im Not just tired and stressed my brain is attacking me!!! im having a bad#time in my brain!! like the worlds most fucked up obsessive compulsive party and i want to be honest about it but i cannot#but ppl get so weird abt it or that strange pity and its like. jfc please stop looking at me like im a wounded animal or like youre afraid#i might kill your cat and/or myself#.txt
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rank dante hair from most fav to least fav?
idk if you mean like purely from design and aesthetic(?) wise or from how much i like to draw them, so here have two lists:
design: 4, 2, short 5, 1, long 5, 3/anime
how much i like to draw them: short 5, 1, 3/anime, 2, 4, long 5
#allyanswers#Anonymous#ask#3 and anime are grouped together bc theyre practically the same hairstyle#please dont take this as me saying i hate the ones at the end of the list i love every dante's design equally and so#the gaps between how much i like each of these are VEEEEERY small.#and if im being completely honest i dont have a big opinion on which hairstyle i like the most it kinda depends on the day#but i will say that i'll always prefer 5dante with his short hair than his long hair. i always play with the shorter hair when i remember#i like how he looks like a big puppy with his long hair but like.. i love looking at his eyes... theyre very expressive...#so i prefer the short hair#and im sure you'll notice that i left donte out of this. thats bc i dont care abt donte. hope that clears things up <3
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i think ppl were hoping me becoming poor would make me as bitter as they are but... nah
#i move about the world different sorry#i have my reasons to be upset but i dont let it consume me and become my personality#going to therapy ever since i was like 12 has done wonders for me#you hafta realize that- i could- if i discarded all my values and desire for wellbeing- probably get whatever money from my dad.#my conservative dad who wants me to not be myself and would probably try to black mail me about it like he did when i was a kid#you dont understand how much i have to hate someone. to not be around someone. to PREFER to be poor than interact with them.#im by no means comfortable. sometimes i have periods of comfort other times i have no money and barely anything to eat.#id rather starve than go back to that abuse. you might feel different but thats bc like i said i move about the world different.#you dont know what that abuse was like. after experiencing it you might choose the same.#and no i personally dont consider that me 'having options'. i really dont see sacrificing myself and living as a shell of my former self#as an option personally. its either die by starving or die by sacrificing myself and quite frankly atp im choosing the former.#ive already tried the latter and hated every second of it every time#the only bitterness i have about being poor rn is at yall who wanted me to become poor. so no. it didnt work out in your favor.#not sure why you thought it would. i hate yall.#dont get me wrong- i hate the rich too for this- but ig i dont see them as subhuman or whatever since i lived like that#the uberwealthy though? yeah idk. still dont like the nazi rhetoric of calling them subhuman but i dont have any real#sympathy for them. most of my sympathy for rich ppl anyways is when they're kids and how that fucks em up but if they become#corrupt selfish adults i dont have sympathy for them atp.#and to be clear- im not saying the benefits of having money somehow hurts them- there are negatives to it though if your parents#suck and think buying you things = love. and make you dependent on your parents bc you've had everything taken care of for#you your whole life so you have no real life skills so you cant as easily leave. which is worse if your parent is abusive.#also dealing with other rich kids? sucks! depends but it almost always feels like a dick measuring contest.#being isolated your whole life + not knowing how to take care of yourself- the number 1 thing animals teach their children first +#not having any genuine friends + not receiving genuine love? kinda turns ppl into super villains ngl#if i didnt have dogs who taught me a lot of shit id probably be a super villain too ok lmao
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