#im excited but fearful bit excited
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kitamars · 6 months ago
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doodles as i relive my spideyman phase from eighth grade
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perhapspen · 2 months ago
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it's nearly 2025. tommyinnit is a bicurious comedian podcaster and somehow actually funny again. coy piso is getting ever closer to announcing that he's moving to new york. mumbo jumbo is uploading new hermitcraft videos that simply ooze joy and excitement 3 times a week. and somehow i'm watching all of them enjoying myself like it's covid era again
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basketobread · 1 year ago
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it's right behind me, isn't it? 😂 (tomorrow is my birthday and idk how to feel about it)
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probably-jam · 6 months ago
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WHY
THE
FUCK
DID NO ONE TELL ME. THERE'S A DESI CHARACTER IN TMAGP??????????? ?????????
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red team are FULLY going feral im so here for it, cellbit vouching for cannibalism and getting excited, baghera wanting to build a dirt shack and everyone wanting to crawl into a cave and chase people through the woods
#qsmp#qsmp liveblogging#end of the event the other two teams are gonna have interpersonal conflicts to worry about#meanwhile red are having trouble being reintroduced to their own society because they went completely rabid#if they do get all the eggs back chayanne and tallulah watching their dad burrow even further into the wall and snarl and hiss at people as#they approach#missa's avoiding own home at first not just for fear of being a burden on his husband and family now but bc he hasnt had his rabies shot#cellbit gets EVEN WORSE somehow and roier dives down the rabbit hole with him not because purgatory made him feral but bc it made him#bloodthirsty and he loves his husband ESPECIALLY at his worst#leo gets back and doesnt notice a change at first bc her dad always barks at ppl and wants to hunt bbh for sport but the eating ppl is new.#if pomme finds out her mother nearly gave up on saving her shes distraught until she sees the state of baghera#living in a dirt shack and eating human flesh. now she has new and exciting reasons to be concerned#charlie gets back to eggxile with a new craving for human flesh and a new distrust for codeflippa bc hes said it out loud now and knows in#his heart its not her but how can he let go when he has nothing but her and the other cannibal freaks he trauma bonded with in purgatory#jaiden would be more upset about cellbit killing fed workers but by the end of the 2 weeks she gets him a little now. shed never turn on th#federation ofc but she gets it a little bit.#and differences aside green and red have all bonded now over a shared murderous rage towards bbh lmao#pac is afraid not only of cellbit but all of red now. too afraid to leave the lab.#you get the jist its 2am im going to bed lmao#(lying)#qsmp spoilers
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clowns0cks · 1 month ago
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opened gmail and had a blast wdym I'm in for the twissy zine omg what
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entamewitchlulu · 4 months ago
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I realized today I haven't posted anything to ao3 in nearly a year :(
I know dry creative spells happen and I had more than enough reason to be struggling with my creativity in the last year, but I'm still so sad about it. I'm still chipping away at some of my wips, but I write so much slower now.
There's a sort of grief in realizing you'll never quite be the same as you were, in realizing you're not gonna be the guy who can gleefully churn out 11k words in a day anymore. Everything comes so much slower now. I'm trying to come to terms with it.
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puhpandas · 1 year ago
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Veering Off Course
(2,305 words)
Gregory and his family get a call that Vanessa, whos in a different state for college, has gotten hurt. Gregory calls Evan, and Evan is able to use the things he's learned about himself since meeting Gregory to help his friend with his emotions regarding the situation.
Its early in the morning on a Saturday when Evan gets the call. It woke him up, so all he does is blink groggily and swipe at the screen blindly while propped up on his elbow until his thumb hits 'answer' on his phone. "Hello?"
"Evan." It's Gregory, and the serious tone to just that single word clears up Evan's brain as fast as lightning. He scrambles to prop himself into sitting up and rubs at his eyes with one hand.
"Gregory?" Evan asks, looking at the little icon he set for Gregory's contact of a picture of Evan and him at an amusement park. "Is everything okay?"
It takes a second for Gregory to respond, and it causes the anxiety that had steadily began to bubble inside of him to surge. "Gregory?"
"Sorry." Gregory finally answers. "I-- Uh... can you..." His friend struggles for words, and Evan tries to be as patient as possible as it becomes clearer every second something is wrong. "Can you come over? Like right now?"
Evan flounders for words for a second, but manages to force his mouth to say, "Of course."
"Okay." Gregory replies, and a surge of worry shoots through his chest when Gregory sounds like he might cry. He takes a breath on the other end, then, "Please hurry."
After that, Evan only lingers enough to respond with a short confirmation and goodbye before hanging up the phone. It takes him record time to shoot out of bed, sling on some shoes, and get down the street a few houses to Gregory's own.
His mind had played multiple awful scenarios of what terrible thing could have happened the entire time, but his worry does not ebb when he makes it to the porch and knocks on the door to a teary eyed Gregory.
Evan's immediately herded inside. Freddy has his phone in his hand pressed up against his ear, and he's pacing around the room. Aunt Chica and Aunt Roxy sit in the living room. Bonnie is sat in a dragged-over dining chair by Freddy and frowning.
It's dead silent in the house; even the TV and seemingly endless energy flowing through and causing bustling noise is snuffed out to nothing. Evan watches as everyone sits completely seriously and quiet, hands held in their lap or thrumming against something.
Impatience, is what Evan first thinks of. They're waiting for something. News, maybe? Freddy is on the phone. It's so silent you could hear a pin drop. Or somebody else's phone vibrate.
Evan's dread and anxiety only get worse when Gregory shuts the door behind him and tugs on him a bit. Evan follows without struggle, thousands of words and questions on his tongue when Gregory leads him to one of the unoccupied seats in the living room; a loveseat.
He sits down with him, and Gregory's face is scrunched up in barely restrained worry. Evan watches his friend, who's been an anchor for himself for so long, tremble and hunch in on himself. "Gregory?"
Gregory's eyes dart to him, and Evan leans down, hunching forward with his elbows rested on his thighs like theyre their own personal bubble. Evan's own brows furrow, and he feels the familiar thickness in his throat just at watching his friend be upset.
Evan grabs at his hand, squeezing it tight and lacing their fingers together. "I'm really worried, Gregory... please tell me whats wrong." Evan pleads. "Please?"
Gregory nods unsurely after a moment, and Evan watches him swallow thickly before turning to him fully. "Dad got a call from the University of Oregon today."
Evan's brows raise, but he nods to keep going. The University of Oregon is the college Gregory's sister, Vanessa, had left home to go attend. Evan hasnt gotten the chance to meet her, yet. She's already been gone two years strong, with a seemingly bright future. Evan's heard Gregory and his family talk about her enough to know her talents.
Gregory's breath hitches, and Evan wraps his other hand around Gregory's, the one he already has ahold of. He sandwiches it in-between his own and hopes it's enough comfort.
"Somebody called us and told us Vanessa got into a car crash today. On campus."
It's like a bucket of ice water is poured on Evan's head. His feet go cold, and his eyes widen to saucers. Fear shoots like an arrow through his stomach. When he stops reeling from the news, he watches Gregory begin to shake and lose the carefully gathered composure he'd put up since Evan arrived.
"They said..." Gregory's brows are furrowed so much it looks like it hurts. Theres a clench in his jaw and a wetness to his eyes Evan isnt used to. "They said she's already been taken to the hospital and is in surgery." He frowns, and theres a twist in his lip that Evan is so familiar with. "They... a-all we can do is wait. They told us they'd let us know any updates."
The house is thrown back into such jarring silence after Gregory stops talking that Evan's ears start ringing. Which makes it clear as day when Gregory's breath turns harsh beside him.
Evan tears his eyes away from the floor and ignores the twisting feeling in his chest to look at his friend. He has his face buried in the hand that isnt held by Evan and is shaking in a way where you can tell theyre trying so hard to keep it together. Gregory's angled away from him, but Evan can see the panic on his face even from where he can see.
Evan's breath hitches, and the thickness in his throat begins to turn into burning as he scootches closer to Gregory on the couch and sets a hand on his shoulder. He tugs a bit until Gregory gets the message and let's him wrap his arms around his middle and hold him close.
Gregory makes some sort of horrible, upsetting hitching noise that causes the dam to break for Evan, before he sort of flops against him and brings up his own arms to clutch at his T-Shirt. Gregory's head thumps against his shoulder, and it's one of the only times Evan really becomes aware of the height he has on his friend.
"Its okay..." Evan says into Gregory's shoulder, because it's all he knows to do in the moment. He glances around and sees that Gregory's family has shifted to the dining room, leaving them alone. Evan finally feels the tears slip from his eyes as he presses closer, hugging him like his life depends on it. "Its okay, Gregory. It'll be okay."
"It's--" Gregory says, and Evan can hear how much his voice shakes with barely contained tears. "Its not. I can't-- We can't even go see her. We can't go and wait for her to wake up, or anything... we just have to--" He cuts himself off, and Evan feels Gregory shake harshly against him.
"We just have to sit here." Gregory says, voice thick. "I dont know what to do, Evan. I don't know what to do."
And its only that sentence that causes Evan to grapple at what to do, if his friend can't. And all he can think about is how himself would react if it were Gregory getting hurt.
All he'd be able to do is cry, he realizes. He wouldnt be able to do anything. Just wait and be scared.
But that's what Gregory is getting at, isnt he? He can't do anything. That's the thing. Evan has known Gregory long enough to get him. To know, him. Evan knows that Gregory doesnt sit around and cry like Evan does. He prefers to get up and do something about whatevers wrong.
Hes a problem solver instead of waiting around. A fighter instead of a crier. No wonder hes so bent out of shape about this. To have a loved one in danger, and when you're so used to getting up and making a plan to fix a problem and are forced to sit in standby...
Evan eases them down against the cushion of the couch, not once untangling themselves from eachother. Gregory shakes, but he does not cry. "So what would you do if you could?"
The hair from Gregory's bangs brushes against Gregory's neck as he moves his head. "I'd... I don't know. I'd at least try to get to her." Gregory says, voice unbelievably quiet. "At least get to her. Then figure it out from there. Just so I'm not waiting on phone calls."
Evan nods against him, his chin scrunching up Gregory's hair. His tears have long since stopped falling, but he knows he has dry tracks on his cheeks. "You have a plan."
Gregory makes some sort of noise that would sound like a snort in any other circumstances. "I would if I could." Gregory replies, squeezing his arms a bit tighter. "But I cant" He sighs, shuddering and heavy. "I just have to wait."
Evan hums. "You're worried, and you're stressed." He makes the same noise Gregory just did. "I know how you feel... I really do. Maybe not your exact situation, but... I get what it's like to feel helpless." He says. "You know what I would do?"
Gregory hums this time, questionative. Evan rubs circles into his back. "I'd sit there and wait, and wish for it to different. And when it wouldnt be, I'd cry."
Gregorys head shifts against that crook between Evan's chin and chest, almost like hes trying to look him in the eye but the hug prevents him from being able.
"All I ever did was cry." Evan says when Gregory doesnt respond. "Its the only thing that I could do to cope."
"...So..." Gregory asks, and his voice is thick again. "You mean..."
"You're stressed." Evan answers. "You're stressed and you're worried. So... why dont you let it out?"
Evan, out of anyone, knows how valuable emotions can be. He didnt, once upon a time. When everyone would just tell him how annoying it is. How useless it is. How he's asking for it. How he should have toughened up by now. When instead of comfort, he'd receive ridicule and prodding.
That's changed. Ever since a certain someone entered his life. He doesn't think of his emotions, himself so little anymore. So worthless. So maybe that's why Gregory perks up ever so slightly in understanding.
And that's all it takes.
Gregory's trembling turns into shoulder shaking sobs like the snap of a finger. He cries, open and unadulterated, and Evan just hugs him close and rubs his back, offering reassurances like Gregory has done for him so many times.
His own eyes burn when his best friends sobs are heard so openly and he can feel every shudder of his body. Evan's chin scrunches, and the tears fall right along with Gregory as Evan hugs him close, tucking his face into his hair.
"Im--" Gregory cries. "I-Im just so worried about her."
"I know." Evan responds, his own voice breaking as he pets Gregory's hair. His shirt is damp with tears but he doesnt care. "Itll be okay. It'll all be okay."
They stay like that for a while, and Evan can tell Gregory needs it. He needs it. The worry he felt that morning doesnt ever really leave, and it stays ever-present as Evan watches his friend fall apart. They stay stuck together like magnets, eventually only shoulder to shoulder with linked hands on the loveseat, and none of Gregory's family try to peel them apart when they eventually wander back into the living room.
They stay in a state of constant agonizing limbo all day. At 8:00pm, Freddy calls it a night. Gregory protests immediately, but Aunt Roxy calms him down almost seamlessly and convinces him to go to bed.
Of course, Evan follows him. He cant imagine a world where he doesnt. The air mattress stays deflated in Gregory's closet as it has been most of the time nowadays. All Evan has to do is kick his shoes off since he left home in his pajamas anyway and they're wrapped around eachother, tucked in Gregory's bed under his comforter in the dark.
Gregory is silent all throughout the night, even though Evan knows he's awake. Evan just hopes that... he did the right thing. Something knows is that suppressing how you feel isnt good. It never works. No matter how much you want it to.
Gregory taught him that. He just wants to return the favor. Not because he owes Gregory, no. Gregory has long since hammered it into Evan's thick skull that he has nothing to pay him back for. That his kindness is not a deed to Evan, but rather that Evan himself deserves to be treated kindly.
Gregory does, too. Evan knows this with all his heart. Gregory is his best friend and has done more for him than anyone else ever has.
Evan... all Evan did was change. Change for the better. And hopefully he helped the most important person in his life with the things he learned. The things that person taught him.
He hugs Gregory's middle a little tighter, not daring to break the silence. Gregory needs time, but doesn't want to be alone. Evan understands. He does. He just hopes to convey what he truly feels through the one action.
Thank you. I'm here for you. I'll always be here. You're my best friend. I'm so glad you trust me. I trust you as well. So much.
Gregory himself wraps his arms tighter around Evan in turn, and Evan feels like the single movement lso has a deeper meaning he cant read.
They dont speak. They just lay in silence until eventually they fall asleep, stuck together like two puzzle pieces.
ao3 link
#this oneshot is mostly just to focus more on gregorys character and how i imagine him (not headcanon#his actual canon character) to handle problems.#ive always seen gregory as instead of letting fear/emotions take over#he pushes past to get a task done/fix whatevers wrong. so i wanted to translate that into the flashlight duo universe with the emotional/pr#especially because of how important emotions are to evans growth and how gregory is the reason for that growth#and i also just wanted to finally write a bit of evan helping gregory since ive written so much vice versa.#i needed something for gregory to be super worried over and well. this universe is already family centric. poor vanessa.#its a normal ass world okay theres not much i can do#vanessa is okay btw.#the next day theyre supposed to get news about surgery and recovery and plan to go on a road trip to oregon to see her while she recovers#(i actually already wrote some of it but cut it out because i didnt like where it was going.#just veered (ha) too far away from the core of the fic)#so you can imagine that happening.#anyways hope you enjoyed! still need a better idea to showcase evan helping gregory but i think this is okay for now.#i have some other plans for this duo (as always) having to do with love languages so im excited about that.#lets see how long itll take me to actually write it lol#pandas writes#my fics#flashlight duo#flashlight duo oneshots#gregory#evan#the fazbears#oneshot#kinda feel like this is cringe#but whatever im cringe and im free two cakes etc#not my favorite work ive done but whatever#its okay
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gingersp1ce547 · 1 year ago
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Thinking about how q!roier was betrayed by someone he loved the first time with q!spreen. Thinking about his reaction to that, about the eyeliner, the dungeon, all of it.
Thinking about how no matter how much he loves q!cellbit, in a way he betrayed their vows. Thinking about how he looked so hard for him, but also told pepito that he abandoned them.
Thinking about what q!roier’s reaction will be to q!Cellbit choosing to stay on the island for so long because he thought q!roier that would be happier that way
Thinking about whats worse: a betrayal intended to hurt, or one intended to help.
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bddybby666 · 10 months ago
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meow more meow moew meow moew
meow
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givemedamage · 1 year ago
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Hi I really want to start tshots and am wondering how much the needles hurt? I'm a scaredy cat but would rather shots than patches... Your blog has helped me build the confidence to book appointments for gender affirming care
HI OMG FIRST OF ALL THIS MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY THTA MY STUFF ENCOURAGED YUO TO SEEK OUT THE EPIC GENDER AFFIRMING CARE U DESERVE,THTAS SO FUCKING COOL EEEEEE IM EXCITED FOR U ANON WTF!!!!!!!!!! ok and i was the exact same way before starting, being scared is SO NORMAL and all the loading shit seemed so confusing too but watching youtube videos of other ppl loading their syringes n shooting themselves (that sounds so funny ok wait) helped a lot to make me unscared bc they all are so chill ab it!!!! i think it depends on pain tolerance a lot but i also think that testosterone makes pain less… painful after a bit? my first shot surprisingly didn’t hurt whatsoever. the actual needles you’ll be injecting with are SOOOO SMALL like. think a third of your pinky finger? maybe? my injection needles are not even a half inch and i barely feel them, they go in Super Easy, especially bc stomach/thigh/butt/wherever u decide to inject will ideally have a good amount of fat to cushion it,at the very most you’ll feel a small pinch, i’m autistic as fuck so blasting music or having a youtube video playing has been super fucking helpful(i used to watch sonic boom and say ‘next funny thing to happen is when i’ll put it in’) ALSO ANOTHER RANDOM THING putting the needle in fast and injecting slow is the WAY 2 GO which i’m sure you’ll see if u decide to watch videos of like medical professionals or tboys giving tips bc hesitance will make ur brain hone in on the Needle Entering You
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bmpmp3 · 5 months ago
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kotarou maghni ai thank GOD i literally sighed an audible sigh of relief
#i was so scared. one fear. whether or not the. unsavory figure is still involved or not with ace? i uh. still will never use it regardless#because i dont do subscription only software orz#BUT MAGHNI..... HELL YES#im really intrigued by them. we havent heard a WHOLE lot but i enjoy the engine noise they have its like#somewhere between cevio's 2.0 vocoder and like some world based resamplers#and the systems look like they jack all the things i enjoy about SV and OU (voice color systems - multilingual - etc) which is what i want#all vocal synth editors to do LOL jk jk.... but not really joking at all#but im already excited to maghni this is great. i really fell for audine#she has this really sweet enunciation i really like. very beautiful in the very sugary rnb pop tune answer book#also maybe big al is gonna be there someday. hi big al <3#this rules man i was hoping voisona/cevio or MAAAYBE diffsinger because i had written off sv and maghni as options#(im not sure why. i think it was just because it was a bit of radio silence for a bit there that i wasnt sure what was going on with it)#but im glad it was maghni. im so ready. im so so ready#now i dont. totally know whats going on with them. ive always struggled following their press stuff#which im realizing now is just because the colours they chose on their website is really hard to read for me LOL#so i havent. the slightest idea of when this thang is even gonna be launched or if anyone knows a general ballpark#but i am excited nonetheless <3
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itsalwaysdark · 4 months ago
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mad w power rn
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dandyshucks · 5 months ago
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i havent even thought about what starter im going to choose omg... i don't think i have any preferences towards type, i usually just end up liking pkmn based on vibe and aesthetics LMAO, and I've never played any game except for platinum (and I haven't even finished my first playthrough of it....) so i have zero experience in choosing starters,,,, THIS IS EXCITING
#choosing to be excited abt this rather than stressed fhdkdl#i like how litten looks but i dont rly like incineroar#actually i dont know if i rly like any of the third evolutions of the starters#okay wait actually i take it back. i just looked and the third evo of rowlet is fun#im so sorry to incineroar likers and primarina likers 😭#incineroar looks silly to me and primarina just annoys me DBFJDML its calls in the anime were rly grating on my nerves after a bit 😭😭#rowlet in its first evo doesnt appeal to me a whole lot tbh which is funny bc now that i look at its evo line i rly like the others#but rowlet itself is just kind of ... shrug. like it looks very polite but it doesnt have any sort of Spark to it yknow?#its just a polite looking orb fjdksl#which is perhaps the charm of it but i feel like its an orb w a bowtie and its very plain fjdksl#theres not a lot of ✨Personality✨ to its appearance#WHICH IS PERHAPS RICH COMING FROM ME. THE INFAMOUS PIPLUP ENJOYER. DNDKSL#i think im gonna go w rowlet though which is funny bc thats the one I thought i Wouldn't be going with#i like popplio and litten in terms of design way more but i just dislike both their third evos too much to choose them 😭#WAIT WHY DOES ROWLET HAVE TWO TYPES#I THOUGHT ALL BASE STARTERS ONLY HAD ONE TYPE??? HUH??#okay anyways i gotta stop chattering djdksl i am sitting outside i should not be looking at my phone LMAO im gonna do some sketching#yall... im choosing another bird pkmn as my starter.... i fear i may be developing a pattern of some kind LOL#dandy.cmd
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pyrriax · 8 months ago
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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keirientez · 1 year ago
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diving head first into learning italian just bc of khr
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