#im done with those byee

[wind-becomes-lightning]

For your follower milestone my request is a kibahina fanfic with one of the following two prompts or maybe even a combination of both if you feel like it lol: “Could he make you feel as good as i do?” / “i like being close to you. you’re warm.” (U choose) 🥰

hi anon, you are the last. I assume you are not around anymore and I wont hear feedback from you so I also will only half heartidly apologise for this being shorter than 2k.

Hinata X Kiba

Rated G

1403 words

Ao3 Link [x]

Hinata realises that she never felt warm until Kiba came into her life.

The moon was still high in the sky when Hinata was brutally awoken by a large dog falling full weight on her face. She shook her hair out and touched her cheek where Akamaru had hit her, trying to get together what had transpired. They had told the dog to sleep on the ground, but he never did, always waiting until both Kiba and her were so fast asleep that they couldn’t stop him from cuddling in between them. This is what years of taking your dog to bed got you, he wasn’t listening when you suddenly told him it was no longer possible.

Now that she was awake there was no way that she was going back to sleep any time soon, especially with the way the dog pressed himself against her. She pushed the blanket away, careful not to wake Kiba as she did and got up to go first to the bathroom and then to the kitchen to get something to drink. It was a clear night with no clouds anywhere in sight and the moon full and beautiful at the highest peak of the sky. She could see through the windows that there was frost everywhere outside. IT was probably ice cold outside.

The apartment itself was also cold, they had forgotten to turn the heating on again. Something that was very strange for her when one thought about her upbringing. In her old house she would have never forgotten to turn the fireplace on in her room, especially when it was freezing in winter. The Hyuuga estate house was so old, that no isolation pretty much meant nothing but longing for thick coats in winter.

Hinata's father hadn’t liked it when she made fire in the middle of the night. He had told her to keep it together, learn how to deal with the cold, like a real shinobi would. She knew that several other family members had complained about the quality of the house especially in winter time and while HInata herself never had complained about it, she still got the most criticism for trying to stay warm. This was how it had always been in what she had called home.

She had been especially in trouble when she made fire during summer, but she couldn’t help it, sometimes the house she felt trapped in made her feel cold and lonely and the only way to feel alright was to make a small fire, watch the logs burn their warmth out to her, give her the understanding back that she was in fact an alive human being deserving of comfort. THough she tried to be sneaky about doing it, the times she was found out meant usually that there was some stricter training on the cards for her the next day.

Really, Hinata didn’t know how real warmth felt until Kiba and Akamaru took up every space in her life, waltzing into her heart like they had owned it and offering her cosy place full of devotion and love and cosyness, something she had missed so much before. For this she was eternally grateful.

Kiba was never cold, he ran so hot that sometimes Hinata woke up sweating at night, wondering if he had a fever (which he never did). Inuzuka really were one with their dogs, with their wild hair and sharp teeth, so they also felt warm and cuddly like a dog ought to. The first time Kiba really held her close she instantly felt so warm and while back then she thought that was just because their feelings for each other were mutual, she was still so thankful for the warmth he was giving her.

“I like being close to you,” she said one day when both of them were sitting next to each other on a couch just enjoying each other's company. “You are warm.” Hinata had her eyes closed and head leaned to his shoulder while Kiba was sharpening some kunai in front of her. She wasn’t quite ready then to tell him “I love you” exactly like that, so she repackaged it into something that meant a similar thing to you. She loved Kiba for many things, but she loved him most because with him she never felt cold.

Kiba blushed instantly. “I like being close to you too,” he replied and lightly knocked his head into hers. “Because you are soft.” For a moment she had thought he would mention that she was cold, but instead he had called her soft, something her father had also called her. The only difference was that Kiba meant it as a compliment, he meant it as something he liked about her.

He seemed to like many things about her that her father had told her were not worth the family name she was carrying. How emotional and caring she was, how her strength was not physical but through empathy, how her bravery came from a place of the heart and not the mind. Ever since they had been assigned into a team together he had not been shy of making  compliments to her when he noticed her self esteem was low. He was even giving out warmth by words alone, a warmth that Hinata soon got addicted to.

Now, with both Kiba and his dog living with her, or rather, her being allowed to live with them, she kept forgetting to turn the heating on or light a fire, mostly because both of them were always around her, their warm nature rubbing off on her. It was like she had never really been warm until she had opened up to the two of them, until they allowed her to come into their lives, their hearts and their bed. Even if that meant the dog should, technically, sleep on the floor.

Hinata walked over to the heater and turned it on, at least a little. No matter how little she felt the cold now, the room needed the heat otherwise who knew if the water in the sink would freeze someday. The radiator jump started and gave off its usual buzzing. She held her hand over it, waiting for it to heat up her cold fingers again. From the bedroom she could hear a loud snore, not sure if it was Kiba or his dog, either way, it made her laugh quietly.

For a while she just stood there, watching the frost glitter on the rooftops of the village with the full moon illuminating the streets like an especially bright headlight. She had always hated winter for the cold nights that left her sleepless, but ever since she had moved out she had started appreciating what people found so wonderful about it. Just a month ago she had stood right here, Kiba’s arm slung around her centre, and watched the snow fall slowly. It had almost felt like out of a story book.

Maybe, she thought sometimes, winter had not been the problem. Maybe the cold and oppressive thing had been the house itself. 

She rubbed her toes together and realised that she missed the comfort of her bed, with her boyfriend warming her on one side and his dog warming her from the other. There was no way Akamaru would move to the floor again, now that he had so eloquently thrown himself onto the bed. The only person that could make him was Kiba and it was evident from the snore that he was sleeping peacefully. Hinata’s only choice would be to climb head first under a blanket into the bed again and press herself between them.

With a last look at the moon she brought the glass back into the kitchen and then turned to get back to the bedroom. Just like she had suspected, Akamaru had fully rolled to the other side of the bed, the one she had still comfortably been able to get out of earlier. She giggled a little at the sight in front of her, with both wild boys at the edges of the bed with their limbs hanging down. They were both so cute, she thought, that sometimes there was a real advantage to having a sharingan that could capture memories forever.

She lifted the blanket, climbed beneath it back to her pillow, squeezed herself between Kiba and Akamaru and closed her eyes. It didn’t take long for the wonderful warmth to return to her.

[frogs-in3-hills]

watched a popular video about berserk this morning., regretted it

[halovx-x]

HAII GUYS :3 (๑>◡<;๑)

Im Halovx and I go by he/they, I’m a male and gn reader blog I also do NSFW and SFW!!

Im also a blog that does dark content such as yandere ocs and more, speaking of this I only do oc content bc I’m not good at writing characters ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

Just because I’m a blog that makes dark content doesn’t mean I’ll accept every request I WONT DO anything that I’m not comfortable doing like p3d0ph1L1@, w@t3rsp0rts, female readers and what not so if you request something like that I WONT DO IT!!

But anything else is welcomed! Anything done in my fics are only meant to be for entertainment and shouldn’t be condoned especially if it’s weird behavior from some oc’s fics!

This is a safe space for people who align with he/they pronouns or any alternatives used for those pronouns (he/they)!

If I need to add more things to this post bc of other people I won’t hesitate to do it and then block said people so be warned! Except if the things I add are tips from people!!

11/16/2023

So it come to my attention that some readers have gn AND fem pronouns so if you go by she/they you can interact with the gn reader fics and even male fics as long as you’re not going to fetishize mlm couples!!!

Thats it for now Byee! ヽ(^o^)

MASTER LIST!!

[kingsbridgelibraryteens]

So, what does a Teen Advisory Group DO, anyway?

The short answer is that a TAG does whatever the YA librarian needs done at that moment. TAG members can help to create virtual displays, book reviews, or other social media content. If library staff need to spend their funds on stuff like craft supplies or snacks to share during programs, they can ask the TAG for suggestions so that they'll spend those funds on things that teenagers actually want.

The way I ran my TAG shifted when we moved from an in-person to a virtual program several years ago. While I do miss having this program in person, I will say that one kind of participation improved in the virtual space. That's when I need to spend my YA funds on something, I share my screen so everyone can see all the choices we've got, I scroll through the options slowly and ask questions, and our teens type a running commentary in the chat. THEN I save that chat so that when I do my shopping, I can incorporate their suggestions!

At yesterday's TAG meeting, I needed our teens' input in some shopping decisions. While I can't recreate the whole meeting, I can share the most important part of it. Just imagine that I'm sharing my screen and talking out loud while asking questions like:

Do you want to vote on craft kits or do you want to vote on snacks? [Guess what? They went for the snacks. SHOCKING, I know!]

Should I bother getting healthy snacks, or are teens not going to eat them?

Do Funyuns even count as a food group?

What kind of juices do you recommend?

Then our teens typed their answers, which I thought were both enlightening and entertaining, so I decided to share them with you. ENJOY!

snackss

im kinda hungry

Yes

lol

Snacks

Chips

those veggie chips are so good

Doritos

yea doritos

the sea salt ones are really good since theyre not that salty

I don’t really eat junk food so I really don’t know 😂

my mom gets healthy chips

We used to get sun chips at school

my friends and i lowkey hate the sun chips because the school gives it to us

Cape cod brand is okay

deep river is a really good chip brand

pringles are also really good

ghost peppers are really spicy

I know teens love takis

the honey bbq fritos are so good

Funyuns are so good 😱

dill pickles chips taste weird tbh

funyuns is good

the blue takis are so good

the voodoo chips might be good for halloween

grandma's cookies are so good

i also vote for oreos

Chips ahoy

chips ahoyyyy

milanos alright

Mothers cookies are way too sweet

yea mother's cookies are really bad

Peanut butter is bad

i hate them

there are muffins in packages that are really good but i cant remember the brand name

Little bites?

yea those

I don’t drink coffee

iced coffee sounds good

Teens love caprisuns

the bottle starbucks are good

the french vanilla ones are the best

cant go wrong w apple juice

yea mott's is good

Capri sun for sure

i think that the wider variety of the caprisun is good

natures valley is the best brand in my opinion

cliff bars are definitely really good

I like chewy bars not the crunchy ones in my opinion

byeeeee

byee have a good dayy

[atmymercy]

Hii tea, thank you for reading once again my request ^^

love myself and be kind to me is difficult, because i dont know how to deal with my own mistakes and i dont know how to be kind to myself because im afraid im lying to myself or being too selfish but maybe soon i will understand how it really works to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself and others too, i have a feeling that i will understand it in the end.

I have this problem of over analyzing things lllol im a very sentimental person, it gets to the point where I get tired of so much intensity but I try to control it with self knowledge but its very difficult, we are not always able to perceive that we are being like this lol so thank you for saying that because its very insightful.

Thank care! byee 🤍

hello princess p!

of course, honey! you know i love doing this and helping you out! especially if i can help you be more kind and gentle with yourself. if it helps, try and separate yourself into two minds. if you're being mean to yourself, i need you to pull out your other side and give that other inner voice a soft talking to. like you would if you were talking to a child and explain why it's unkind. consistency with this method is for sure the key!

so like...

"ugh i'm so lazy today!"

the other voice needs to step in!

"nope! we are not lazy. we just need to rejuvenate!"

and if it argues it, then i need you to argue with it! i need you to let kindness win for the majority of the fights until you get to a point where it comes automatically. you'll find after a while your other side doesn't want to argue with you because it loves you and wants to agree!

but it's been trained by others and you to say unkind things so it's just repeating the usual jargon like a tape! lol it doesn't want to say those things either! but it needs to train itself out of it!

after a lifetime of ignoring your needs and wants, it is going to feel selfish! you're used to bad treatment, honey. i'm sorry to say it but your brain has been trained to be unkind and we're done with that now! woot! and honestly you are saying all the right words and curious about all the right things! i don't have a single doubt about you! you are going to figure this out! i know it! your spirit guides know it! it's just a time and practice thing now! yay!

omg! i used to do the same thing! analyzed everything! (do you see all this writing for my explanation? my mind is always wanting to go into overdrive) but honey, are you happy doing that? because i know i wasn't after a while so i knew i needed to learn skills to turn it off and on for when i needed it. lol first stop? loving yourself! woot! see! you got this!

i hope this was insightful as well and thank you so much, honey for the feedback! i really appreciate you and getting to be on your journey with you, honey! even in this small capacity! i just hope i can be a light in your life in some way! yay! thank you, honey!

love & light!

-tea

[live-love-laugh-lesbian]

hiii!! me again akjsdhkjashd

ELECTRIC SAXOPHONES ARE A THING?!?? WHATTTTT THATS SOO COOL OMG AKSJDHJSDH

omg i think i am 'people' (the type of person who has patience for the latter : visual novel and not the former : working w children askjdhakjsh) i think i just dont have the capability to be able to handle children i cant even handle myself asjdhajsldh

wait thats so cool that your mum works with kids as well! its relatable for me to bc i do computer science and my sister did and her bff does and my bff does its crazy akjsdhkasjh its like a domino affect from person to person lmaooo

oh yeahh i totally get the thing w poorly trained dogs i mainly talk about those tiny harmless ones ir if they are big those sweet chill oness!! ur uncles' dog sounds adorablee!! and so do your cats omg! and thank you <3 i know not alll cats are like that and if i see a cat i will try to pet it ajlsdhalsjhd unless its scared of me ofc

omg i know you mentioned before that your hobbies are sewing and stuff and that you were sewing a trouser but like i didnt know you MADE trousers!! thats soo coolll youre basically a fashion designer!! and lilac trousers i would sooo wear those omg SEQUINED HEARTS AHHHHHHHHH this sounds soo cute

im a sagittarius! one of my best friends is a scorpio!! so whenever i see her now ill think of you!!!! asdaslkdjasld so real w atla lmaooo and also so real w swimming asdjhjasdh

oh yeah i love art too! and spending time w your sister sounds so cute and fun!! and then a date w your gf sounds soo adorable this sounds like such a comfy classic cozy day! i would spend my day probably by playing guitar, art and for the majority sleeping or going on my phone ajksdhkd if its a rainy day id go for a nice hot chocolate and a brownie coated in whipped cream bc who doesnt love whipped cream asdhsaj stardew valleyyy!! my childhoodd!! i like playing games but its mainly like yansim (i swear im not crazy askdjaslkdj i just find it too addictingggg) AKLSHDJKASHD competitive i sooo get that i get really competitive in games as well lmaoo to the point its unhealthy ahhhh

they sound like awesome compliments! for me any compliment is my fav ajksdhkjs i love compliments on my singing, intelligence and this is lowkey weird but my hair ajkshdjsd my hair never looks good for some reason so if someone says it does one day then i will be beaming and happy for the rest of the day ahhh i also love compliments in my art and my coding! and yes professional compliments ESPECIALLY from children are the best validation ever akjshdjksadh

my question for you: what's something about the modern-day world that bothers you, and what’s something about it that brings you joy?

byee! have a lovely dayy!

-swiftie spring exchange anon idek askldhalsjd

Hello again! Apologies if my answer is short, I am ill and very tired but I wanna reply.

Computer science is so cool!! What sort of stuff do you do with that? Programming or uhhh...here's where I show my lack of computer science knowledge...anyways I'm curious XD (Saw you said coding later!! That's so cool!!!)

I getcha XD My other uncle has dogs too! Ex racing greyhounds, he likes to give them a happy retirement. They can be chaotic but I can't blame them too much, they were trained to chase small things after all! As a kid I accidentally stepped on one of their tails...I felt so guilty!! But the dog was chill and I gave him a treat to say sorry XD

I've been making a lot of trousers recently cause I realised I owned like...2. Except then I get more and more ideas and have to narrow them down XD The current pair are...sort of almost done. Made, fabric hearts sewn on, the sequins will go around the edges of them, but it's gonna take a while. Wearing them anyways in the mean time XD

Your day sounds good too!! Brownies my beloved...I have such a sweet tooth it's unreal XD And nah I've played Yansim too. Not for a while, but no judgement! And look if one isn't playing to WIN then what's the point in playing XD (I say that, in games like Stardew Valley I'm more relaxed, but that's not pvp soooo)

Sounds like good compliments!! I used to get compliments on my hair back when it was longer (I was like 18 at the time). It was so long it was inconvenient, I had to move it to sit down lol. And now it's super short XD Complete 180. I'm sure your hair is lovely however!!

Modern day world...tbh how often you need to call people. Like some places don't have emails anymore?? Or require calls anyways?? don't do phone calls really and I HATE the trend of "phone or nothing".

Does government stuff count too? If so like. Governments. They're run so poorly I swear to god. I don't think that's new to the modern world however XD What about you?

Adding to that topic: what's something you hope to see in the next five years? :)

[cuyberpunk]

glad you're doing well, im so glad i got all my tests done before break i would have died if i had to do them right after break. but DAMN those are a lot of tests!! wishing you luckk 💕

also i just had a tiny question (no pressure) but like ( whyy am i nervous asking this) in the tags with the ask could you change the name from "victoria" to "vick" ? i know that you've been using the victoria one for a while (i have too dw) but i would rly appreciate it if you'd change it (you totally don't have to do it)

SHUT UP UR SO SWEET (why do i feel like i don't deserve it)

and i love seeing you on my dash <3333

😘 *mwah*

byee!!!

hey!

how are ya?

OMG I LOVE THIS NEW THEME!! it's so cute <3

when i first saw it, i immediately thought of the land of sweets from the nutcracker. so sweet and elegant like a cupcake 🧁

btw, thanks for ur sweet message on my deco tree from the holidays it's was so kind i started tearing up!

hoping the start of the new year is wonderful, and im sending u best wishes and the greatest vibes ❤️

glad to see u on my dash 😘

luv ya!

-vick

HI BELOVED !! ‘m good ! dealing with a shit ton of tests, i have 6 more (three tomorrow and the day after augh) but, surviving ! (barely.) WBU !!!

that’s so so SO lovely and cute of you to say omg, i love you !!! 💕

AWWW STOP IT ! it was the least i could do, you’re just such a sweet, genuine, and lovely person and i wanted you to know it <3 🤭

I LOVE SEEING YOU IN MY INBOX !!! makes my day better aughhh

love you lotssss <3

[prisonhannibal]

Hi Birgette!

Im sorry if i come across as a weirdo ( i am, btw) but i really wanted to ask you about /share something?

So, i have taken a couple of gap years after hs and i havent done muchh... I haven't done anything... I do have a vague plan of acadrmics, im almost in a college, and-

But i feel like i am slacking behind by a margin.... Ive told myself that every person has their own life and their own pace but i just cannot get it around my head.

I look at 16/17/18 year olds with sorted plans and they know what they are doing amd theyy have been to places and read books and so much more, unlike me....and those my age? Are already in theur last year of ug or passed ug or they are in really good places... Honestly, i am not jealous, for the most part,.. i just self depreciate which is v toxic.

There are days when i acknowledge that livez aare different... But... I cannot escapd the society that i lie in, it is comoetetive, the people i know are excelling and questions... They ask me questions and i-

Idk

Thanks for reading. If this is a long message, feel dree to delete the ask.

Byee 💜

haha you sent this to the right person, I’m also at the “vague plan for academics” stage rn. I dropped out of high school the first time I tried because of mental illness so i’ve been trying to finish it now from home. so basically I’m 22 and graduating now, and I haven’t applied to university or anything yet. It used to make me sad and I still sometimes feel inadequate for being behind, but I try not to think like that becausei can’t change the past anyway. and we’re never running out of time for being happy, and there’s no limit on when you have to do this or that. I don’t care that much about being technically successful at a young enough age or whatever I just want to be happy now, you know?

I think i’ve achieved some things that others haven’t, and they’ve achieved things that I haven’t. even if on the surface theirs are more obvious (school etc). if a gap year was needed then a gap year is an achievement too tbh

it’s an isolating feeling, I know. but I think things are going to work out for both of us ❤️ hope you can feel better about all of it as soon as possible

[booksandpastries]

I wanna do those ‘XYZ characters who would shame me in a bathing suit’ trend from TikTok, and since I like the anonymity of tumblr, I’m gonna do it here!

PEAKY BLINDER CHARACTERS WHO WOULD SHAME ME IN A BATHING SUIT

Up first we have GRACE BURGESS/SHELBY

I feel like she’d shame me ‘out of the goodness of her heart’. Like she’d think she’s doing me a favour. She’d say “I think you’re too big for this, it doesn’t look good on you” and then follow this up with “Im just looking out for you, don’t be dramatic’ when I’ll call her out.

Next up, MICHAEL GRAY. He leaks of misogyny and sexism. I don’t like him. And I know he doesn’t like non-skinny girls. He’d shame me hard, he’s probably the reason why I would be insecure about myself. He wouldn’t have a reason, he would just shame me because he can.

Next on the list is LINDA SHELBY. I feel like she wouldn’t outright shame me but she’d just look at me with those judgmental eyes and I’ll just know she has a LOT to say. Yeah I’m not wearing no bathing suit infront of her. Also, she would judge me because no good woman would wear something SO revealing.

Our boy ARTHUR SHELBY is on the list. And now, I don’t think he’d mean to be malicious, I don’t even think he’d intend to fat shame me, but he’s a simple guy and he would just blurt out the first thing that comes to his mind. He would genuinely be confused as to why I’m hurt by his comment. I forgive him because Arthur Shelby has a total of (1) thought in his head.

And we’re done!!

Everybody else would definitely support me or just wouldn’t care. Also, I know I’m right with this and I do not accept criticism. Byee.

[indeciseicelady]

In the deeps (Siren!Shinsou x Reader) Ch. Four.

Warnings: Cursing; Nsfw later; I don’t know, maybe some deaths; Im still planning; Help.

~~~~~~~~~~

You just noticed that you had fallen at sleep when you wake up by the feel of rain drops on one of your knees, so you open your eyes, seeing the clean sky, you then notice that was raining only in one knee, you let a groggy quiet -What the fuck- slip from your lips, you raised your head a little to see what is happening, and what your sleepy eyes were seeing was just... not expected, a soaked weirdo, with wet purple hair dripping on you, watching you taking a free air nap, like a fucking psycho, and as if it weren't strange enough, he was pulling himself out of the water, one arm holding his weight in front of his chest and the other using it to support his head, you open your mouth, but no sound come off, until it did -What the fuck?!- you yell, siting and bringing your legs back to you, holding yourself, not only because it freaks you out, but also because a huge willingness to kick his face out of the pier went over you.

You were ready to shout a million things to that pervert, but the moment he raised his head to look at you and those purple eyes reach yours, you couldn't even think, but you could swear that you feel your heart froze, and then start beating more than ever, and again, you couldn't bring yourself to move, talk or do anything but stare at the eyes of whatever that guy was as he stares right back at you, but now he is right in front of you, he could touch you if he wanted, he could reach, he was really close and you just couldn't move.

-Calm down- he said on a soft tone, but that doesn't make his voice less strong, just a little husky, but just because he told you to calm down doesn't mean you did, but when he said that, you felt a little more of control over your body, yet not enough for you to run away.

The stories of the boat captain rush over your head and you could feel that panic coming back as those purple eyes staring at you attentively, studying as if you could try something at any moment, and you were doing the same, even that you could barely move.

-A-are yo-y-you a-a gho-gho-ghost?- you barely had the voice to make that question and you are almost sure he didn't hear it, but he gave as soft laugh, one as if it was the stupidest thing he heard in his whole stalking life, and suddenly you want to kick him in the face all over again.

—No- he answers, and you didn't know if it was a good or bad thing, but again, as a scientist, you needed to take all the information you could before you get the fuck out of there and never getting close of the water again –So-so, what...hnn, are you?- that question was hard to make, but it was literally the only question that matter, well, that and the fuck reason why he was following you.

-You really wanna know?- he asks with a Small side smile on his face, and you nod -Are you sure? Really sure?- he asks again, now with a rascal smile, and a playful tone, it scared you a little more, but at this point you were almost used to it, so you nodded again.

—Come closer — he gestured for you to approach, with the hand that was being used to support his head before, and you did, just a little, and he gestured again, but this time you just look at him with thousands of bad scenarios that could happen going through your head -if you want to know, you need to get closer- he gestures for you to come one last time before using his hand for support his head again, this time you did get closer, maybe a little too close.

All you could record in the following moments was: his hand holding your shirt, pulling you towards the water and then the feeling of being in it, the shock hit you fast and you went back to the surface, you look at the pier, but he wasn't there anymore, you turn around looking for him, then feel something touching your arm, and there they were, his eyes, shining under the water as his hair floats up instead of being in his face.

You just... couldn't stop... looking at him, you were so focused on him that you forgot you need to swim and started sinking but stopped as the water hit your chin, it was the guy who was holding you up by your waist, keeping you in place.

You feel something touching your feet and it moved slowly away and back at you, the texture was...weird, like touching a velvety wet paper but harder somehow, you couldn't really remember touching something like that in your whole life.

That whole experience was being a little surreal, you still didn't know what he was, and that was very frustrating; suddenly he moves, and his face is now in front of you as he gets his head above the water, he was really close and you feel a little embarrassed about it.

—So?- you ask trying to not let it show –So what?- he asks back, a little confused by you — You threw me in the water and I still don't know what the fuck are you- You give him an angry look, not that you were really that angry, but he gave you a teasing glare like it was just, oh, so obvious and that pissed you off –why don't you give a look under the water, isn't it what you were about to do before your little nap?-

Oh, you were so far on regret for coming out here instead of staying home and doing normal things, you adjusted the swimming glasses on your face –You won't drown me, right?- the boy laugh at your question — if I wanted to, you would have been eaten by sharks by now — you give him an apprehensive look and mumbles a “weirdo” at him before diving into the water.

It was hard to see anything, it is night, the sea water is dark and the pier lamps wasn't helping at all, you can only see shadows in the water, and even so, very badly, but ... the shape ... shouldn't be going that far, you get a little closer, a little more, and feel the air running out but you need to see what is that, you just need to hold in a little longer and go a little deeper, but you are pulled back up.

—Don't you need air?- the purplish asks indifferently, already knowing the answer -I couldn't see anything, ugh, it's too dark- you said taking off the glasses, it wasn't really a lie but wasn't the exact true and you were already tired from all of this.

—You know what, purple guy?- you said, a little less confident than you sounded on your head, you sigh, and he looks at you waiting for you to finish your little outburst –My day was shitty, I'm cold and tired, so whatever you are, it was nice to meet you, I'm going home now- obviously, you were still very curious, but you could feel your legs starting to cramp, and your energy was low since the only thing you had eaten today was before leaving home in the morning, so you are done.

You don't look back at him as you tried to reach the pier from the water, but oh, you are not even close, how your stalker did it? Guess you will never know, but now you would have to swim all the way back to the sand, but you are stopped in the first stroke by the him, he held you behind your shirt and pulled you back so you wouldn't leave, it was his turn to sigh.

He approached you going under the water, he put his arms behind your knees, and then he boosts himself out of the water, holding the edge with one hand, lifting you two up until the pier was up to his neck and put you over it, going back to the way he was when you first woke up and you just look at him not understanding what just happen.

— I thought it would be fair to put you up there since I pulled you in the water- a small laugh escapes your lips, and he looks up at your eyes –Will you come back?- he asks, and truly, you thought you probably shouldn't, but, Oh, the curiosity were so tempting.

— I'm a scientist, my job is to find something and learn as much as I can about it, so I guess I will have to, since you refuses to give me any information- he looks at you as you get up, you would come here anyway, this place was special to you, a little more now that you have find out that what was scaring you away from it was just some weirdo soft boy who could breathe under water.

-Guess I will have to remain a mystery- he said boldly, letting go of the pier -Oh, great! As if it wasn't being hard enough already. Let me guess, you will follow me home- you said, starting to walk your way out the pier and seeing him follow by the side, his answer was just a “hmm”.

-Well, good night then... have you... said your name?- you didn't really notice if he did present himself before on your panic –Hitoshi- you don't was expecting for him to really say it, since he didn't answer any other question you made, but it's a start –alright Hitoshi, I will see you tomorrow then, good night- you said as you notices that he had stopped following the pier side and was just staring at you –You didn't say your name- he pronounced, you stop walking, looking back at him –And you didn't tell me what you are, byee!- You keep walking away, already thinking about all the questions you will make, but the most important one, why was he following you?

[x-nephophile-x]

mmmm fic is done and im not sure what i wrote but its there and its done and its... something?? Feel like I didn’t overthink it as much as my last which may or may not be a good thing. We’ll see.

Posting it here is less scary than posting it on AO3 so I’ll throw it up on Ao3 tomorrow when I’ve slept and can coherently handle it being on Ao3 cuz ~anxiety~ Takes place in Act 3 after the Hotel Pistis Sophia scene and after the final mission for the sidequest “Beat on the Brat”. but before Chippin’ In. TW for Anxiety/Panic attacks, bodily injury, game canon violence and game canon cursing of course (but if you follow me, you see that anyway, i curse like V and Johnny honestly) . 3,020 words.

The hit comes hard. The first hit is always hard, because you aren’t in that mode just yet- ready to accept the hits, push through ‘em. The first one is always like a cold bucket of ice water poured on your head. The pain comes harder, fast too; he’s hit her cheek, she can feel blood pouring from the wound and the whiplash that comes briefly makes her want to puke. But she hits back. She gets a glimpse of the silver hand overlaid on her own; superimposed, Razor can’t see it, but she does, and watches as it sails into Razor like it did Thompson at Arasaka—No, no, focus­.

Her vision glitches in blue pixels She strikes at his abdomen like Vik said to, catches him wince, is pretty sure she hears a groan and then she’s shoved onto her back, head rolled to the left, watching as the silver arm stretches out and it’s about to be shot off by Smasher- V. Focus. She can’t. Since the hotel, she feels like she’s been kicked in the gut, there’s something sharp near her heart that shouldn’t be there, just another thing to weigh her down, along with the fear that she’s placing her trust in someone who doesn’t deserve it. There’s panic in her chest, a headache taking root; she’s dying and this is accelerating it, whether she dies from the trauma or dies now in this ring or dies from the chip, she’s dying, left by a helicopter as it ascends with a teal haired woman-- V, fuck, move--! She rolls to avoid the incoming punch that hits hard into the mat instead of her face, or rather her body moves on its own as she sure as shit didn’t make the decision to do so, didn’t react that fast, didn’t snap out of it so fast—

Johnny. Of course.

It’s always Johnny. Johnny’s the problem, the answer, the comfort; he’s the rocky seas in the storm and the life preserver, tossed from a sinking ship and it all feels pointless, all feels red hot, her blood boils. Dragging herself to her feet, she charges Razor, lands punch after punch after punch against Thompson’s face on the floor by Alt’s dead corpse, wants it to be Johnny so she can finally feel like she isn’t being an idiot, wants to just have control over her life again but she can’t because its all so fucked, fuck, fuck, FUCK!

Razor shoves her back, grips her throat, lifts her and throws her into the section of unbroken rope so hard it feels it too will give out like its siblings that surround the ring in their broken efforts.

Then its hit, after hit, after hit, after hit, again and again; the bitter tang of blood coats her mouth, Vik’s panicked yells echo from the sidelines, the crowd is descending into chaos—

V, fight, we are not going out like this—

She’s somehow spread too thin and wound too tight, she can’t breathe and maybe its because of the panic overtaking her or maybe Razor’s broke a rib and it’s pierced her lung, it’s the absence of breath, like lying on a hotel room floor, a bullet to the head, a best friend who fades away in the backset of a car, unplugging a lover, Jackie’s eyes, Alt’s eyes, not meeting his, hers, theirs, FUCK—

His silver arm, her arm, reaches out in a quick jab at Razor’s nose to stun him, then blocks the incoming hit, and she follows it without much say, whether its reflex or the chip she doesn’t know but the silver arm hits, again and again while Razor stumbles and tries to recover. Fuck, V! Whatever the fuck this is, snap out of it! I can’t keep this up—Fuck, V, Help me—

And fuck, if that isn’t the only thing she hears- Johnny fucking Silverhand asking for help, because fuck, Razor might kill her, and if she dies, so does he and she’ll be damned—

She lands a hard hit, then another, then a follow up that throws Razor back onto the mat—

She will be damned if she’s gonna’ let this piss-poor bullying excuse for a fighter flatline them both here and now.

Hit after hit flies and she isn’t quite sure when Johnny is able to pull back and give her back control, or even if he consciously pushed through to take control in the first place or if it was just survival instinct; it wouldn’t be the first time he’s pushed through to take control in some capacity. He’s pulled her into shadows when gangoons nearly spotted her on gigs, yanked her out of the way of bullets that surely would’ve hit, lit up a smoke, but he’s never been able to go this far for this long. Though then again that was weeks ago; this is now, this is worse, everything is worse now but she can’t think about that now, not when she’s finally free, finally feeling alive, feeling the rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins, her heart in her throat, her head clear and focused only on beating Razor to a pulp until Fred calls it—

And when he finally does, and she steps down the steps to Vik, who greets her with a smile, she can feel it all drifting away.

“Slick work, kid.”

“Heh,” V chuckles, spits blood onto the floor before she says with a lopsided grin and foggy vision, “had a good coach in my corner…”

And then she hits the floor and the last thing that meets her ears is Vik’s panicked shout of her name.

 She’s not awake.

The world around her is; it shifts and ebbs and is just a little bit nonsensical, like how the hill of the street she’s standing in the middle of repeats on the opposite side of town, how the night city towers sit a bit too low to be skyscrapers, how the ads on the sides are just jumbled lines trying desperately to look like letters.

“V,” Johnny calls her name and she turns until she finds him, leaning against a streetlight. The sky is dark now and no stars are to be seen; her dream at least gets the light pollution of Night City right. “The hell was that?”

He sounds winded, despite the fact that he’s resting casually, no hint of stress or activity. He’s in his armor, though no shades, and sometimes she hates when he doesn’t wear the shades. His stares can already be too intense with them, and without? Without, his dark eyes feel like they bore into her mind, her soul, her heart, all areas she desperately tries to shield from his view.

“I don’t… I don’t know. Panic attack, maybe? Biochip glitch? Both?”

“Whatever it was, I didn’t like it.”

“Oh gee,” V comments snidely, “Really, that’s a shame because I was thinkin’ of making it an everyday norm; losing control of my body, my mind—”

“You could’ve gotten yourself fuckin’ zeroed, V!” Johnny shouts and suddenly they feel heavy, everything feels heavy and the towers that sit too low press down on them both, crushing them under the weight of Night City. “Fuckin’ hell.” Johnny exhales roughly, pushes off his perch to approach her, hands clenching and unclenching again.

“Where are we, Johnny?”

“Where do you think? You’re subconscious. You’re dreamin’…you’re out cold, at Vik’s.” He states coolly, finally coming to a stop a few feet from her, where he stands for a moment, then begins pacing.

“How bad do you think?”

Johnny takes several steps in one direction, then turns on his heel. Several steps back. “I don’t know, couldn’t get a good idea with the anesthesia comin’ in. We’re both in the dark while Vik works his magic.”

Several steps again. Heel turn. Several steps back.

“Johnny?”

He stops in the middle of his fourth step, then turns to face her fully. “I could feel it. That panic, could feel our memories twisting.” He states slowly, as if he’s too angry to even speak the words so they end up half-clipped and stuck in his throat, but she’s known him a while now. If in the face of fear, she’s flight, then he’s fight. And he can’t exactly punch his way through their jumbled mess of mixed up minds and memories.

She wonders at the more intimate feelings she hopes to shroud from him; the ones that ache in her chest, the ones that shouldn’t even exist, that she should pay no mind, the ones Johnny will likely mock her incessantly for, which would only drive her to dig this biochip out of her skull, sooner rather than later.

“What was it like?” She asks quickly, trying to focus on something that is anything but that.

“Like it was for you.” Johnny states simply, taking a step closer. She notes it of course. She never was good with people in her personal space, and growing up on the streets, she watched for it constantly. When people thought she couldn’t easily kick their ass, hack them within seconds, fry their minds. When small time fixers starting out thought she’d make for an easy mark merc. When the inevitable blade was getting closer to being stabbed into her back, she was constantly on alert, not allowing herself to get trapped anywhere if she could help it, keep space between her and anyone else because the space meant safety, it meant she was that much further from death.

Except, when he takes a step closer, knowingly gauges her reaction, she doesn’t feel that spike of fear, not like she does on the streets, nor does she get hit with the petrifying feelings she felt the night they met in her apartment.

No, now she feels an ache, but a comfort too. For better or for worse, he brings comfort. They both know that, he has to, with the way she’s called out for him during the bad times, during the worser ones too.

Except is that comfort even real? Safe? Trustworthy?

She said she’d take a bullet for him. She meant it. She just… isn’t quite sure he meant it too. But after being at that hotel, she has to trust him, has to trust he’ll keep his word, try to save her.

He’d save her now, though.

What had Johnny said at the hotel? That this has to run both ways?

“We both know I’m not gonna’ be around to cover your ass like this much longer,” Johnny comments, peering at her cautiously. “Gotta’ know if I’m being wiped that you aren’t gonna’ get yourself zeroed within a week after I’m gone.”

What almost comes out is ‘Still trying to sell it?’ and when she filters that, its almost ‘I can take care of myself, have been since long before I met you’ and she swallows that down too.

What she finally says after a beat is, “I’ll be okay. Or, who knows, maybe you will, if this all goes tits up before then and we’re too late—”

“V, don’t say that shit. I said I’d fix this. I meant it, alright?”

Night City flickers through blue pixels and her chest feels far too heavy, her throat tightens like Razor’s still got her in the ring, what if this all goes bad, what if she dies, she doesn’t want to die, she’s so fucking scared of dying—

“V, hey,” Johnny tries, but her cheeks feel hot, there’s no air, her chest is tight, too tight, like she’s being crushed.

“She’s flatlining”

Vik?

“Fuck, V, hey, hey—” Johnny’s arms catch her and they both sink against the asphalt that quickly turns to a dark carpet in a dingy motel room and Dex is approaching, gun in hand.

Fuck, fuck-

“Not here, V, not here, picture anywhere else, c’mon—”

His hands rake up and down her upper arms, trying to get her to focus, on him, on anything, she knows and she’s trying, trying—

The next thing she feels is leather seats, rain pounding the roof of the Delamain and that’s not good either, fuck, fuck—

Then they’re at Arasaka Towers, sitting in that small little room with a netrunner chair and a dead blonde. “Johnny, don’t help, it’s not helping—”

“Then, fuck, V, do something”

“I’m trying!!”

She screws her eyes tight, feels a jolt, another, both her and Johnny curse, it feels like her nerves are on fire, her chest so so tight, and then…

 Then there’s a sea breeze wafting slowly through the open window. The sunlight filters in blue, then Vik’s voice comes, “She’s stable.”

“Shit, V—”

Johnny cuts himself off. She doesn’t have to open her eyes to see where they are. It’s Pacifica. It’s the Pistis Sophia. There’s echoes of Johnny and her own voice, mingling as he guides her to his dog tags, discussing how he deserted. Her chest tightens because its here, its now, that she finally acknowledges it.

She’s in love with this brain parasite sitting here asking her if she’d take a bullet for him. She doesn’t know when it first started, or for how long she’s been like this, or why. All she knows is that the idea of death grips her heart in a cold grip, so does the thought of him being reduced to nothing, dying again, and so does going back to her life before him. Alone, all over again, except then she’d have a Jackie and a Johnny shaped void in her chest that she’d never be able to fill.

“V?” Johnny’s voice comes quiet, quiet like when she’d woken up on the walkway of the hotel, when he’d told her to admire the view. His hands still grip her upper arms and all it takes is that simple uttering of her intial to fall apart.

Everything comes into view in this same damn hotel room, except instead of lying down, watching the ceiling fan creak slowly on old tech for a month, it comes like an ocean wave and within seconds, swallows her whole.

Jackie, her impending death, Johnny, the nonstop spiraling of hope and its inevitable demise each time they find a lead, it hits and hits and hits and she finally lets out a sob as it breaks through the last of her defenses.

“Johnny-“ She hiccups his name, sobs coming full force now, taking her breath, catching in her throat like fish hooks, yet still she’s once again calling to him when the storm hits, when its all too much, and he has no reason to now, he can leave her here, go wherever he goes when he isn’t around, but instead his arms pull her forward, slow and barely at all but that guiding tug is enough for her to collapse against his chest. She doesn’t care how bad it hurts, only focuses on the warmth, the comfort, because the pain in her chest is far less than the pain of everything in its entirety hitting all at once. She gripes at him like he’s the one thing that can ground her, fisting her hands in his tank top; when had it changed from the vest? She doesn’t know, doesn’t care. The weight of his arms sits around her back, tense and careful and it almost doesn’t feel like he’s breathing, probably because she’s stealing all the air with her quick breaths, struggling to breathe, sobs wracking her body, her throat aching from tension—

“It’s okay, V. I’ve got you.”

Fuck.

Her sobs border on yells and finally he rests his arms fully around her, curls one up to rest against the back of her head, pressing her against him tighter until he’s all-encompassing, rubbing gentle circles into her scalp, and his voice greets her once more; “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” She wonders if he’s getting feedback, or an echo somehow, of her relief, of the love, of the sorrow, of the fear, but she honestly cannot be bothered with walls, and hiding and armor anymore and maybe that’s why his armor disappeared some time ago; maybe he can’t be bothered either. Or maybe they’re constantly in a loop, influencing and influencing one another more and more. At this point, what does it matter? She’s got him, here, now, and if its stupid to cling to this, to him, to this feeling of peace, of home, for as long as possible, then so be it.

Johnny eventually readjusts so his legs are stretched out and she sits, curled up against his chest, tiny and frail and tired but alive, safe, warm, her hands fisted in the fabric of his tank-top, though not as tightly as before, and her sobs eventually start calming into occasional breathy catches that come tinged with sorrow, instead of overburdened by it.

“V?”

“Hm?”

“I meant what I said here.”

“I know.” She mumbles, unwillingly to move from his chest, desperate to stay. His fingers work circles into her upper back, so until he moves, she won’t either.

“You said you didn’t know if you trusted me… With the whole Smasher situation.”

“I know,” she mumbles again, takes a moment to wipe at rogue tears that cloud her vision, then plants her hand firmly back against his chest. “But I do. I trust you, Johnny, promise.”

Johnny doesn’t say anything else. He moves his hand back to her hair and they sit in the fabricated peace of the sunset in Pacifica, in the room where everything to came to light, for him, for her, for them both, until V eventually wakes up at Vik’s, cobbled together but alive.

Johnny and her never do mention the fight, or the fear or the dreams, even in the two days of bedrest she reluctantly concedes to, since Vik has Misty monitoring her to make sure she doesn’t end up back on his table for overdoing it.

But she knows when she’s back out on the streets again, she’s grounded. After all, she never really leaves home, does she?

wait whyd my fic take a dramatic ass turn, why am i digging it, I DIDNT MEAN FOR THIS TO HIT 2k words, it was gonna be something short and now what is it doing?

[alchemist-shizun]

As expected, Dealing with intrusive thoughts is now one of my favorites

Here I come with almost all of my reactions on the episode, even though I tagged the spoiler warnings I put everything under the cut just in case. Enjoy the emotional rollercoaster while I'll probably go and rewatch it again.

Okay kinda expected one or two of the warnings but all of them together what is gonna happen???? (Though they make sense after reading the title)

HELLO FRESH BACK AGAIN

"I'm awesome and I can do this" there goes my boy. *said boy falls flat on the floor* ...come on

I felt that yawn bc I stayed up all night waiting for the video but it dropped at 8 am, I'm an idiot who should've gotten more sleep

"help me" why is he such a mood "everything is going wrong in my life" same but YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT LET ME HUG YOU

They're all sinking up so fast god I missed my bois. Also the general awkwardness of Virge and Pat, greeeeat something will go wrong

Virgil just ignoring everything and touching the railing, a mood

ALSO PLEASE LET ROMAN IN THE SITUATION

SECRET SECRETS ARE NO FUN TELL ME NOW OR ELSE WE'RE DONE

wait why does Ro want to be deeply troubled- man are you okay-

LOGAN'S HERE

"your most extreme reaction is an eyebrow raise" "FALSEHOOD" "I stand corrected" omfg

"what are you ta- what are you talking- what are you talking about?" I loved that whole take it made me feel complete

"Look I barely got any sleep" this can apply to a lot of us and I love just how we're all always like "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF" but in the end this is where we all end up anyway

Okay I'm very curious about these troubling thoughts though

"so sushi" FUCCC I DIED RIGHT THERE

"Don't act like that was an accident" "everybody, Virgil. Let's give it up for the Purp Man" these speak for themselves. Also the purp man is my new fav nickname and I'm gonna use it.

4:17 Patton is adorable bye

"if you continue to push this we're going to end up in really dangerous territory" AND THAT'S WHERE THE TENSION STARTED TO BUILD UP

great flick

"am I delirious or is this the funniest video I've ever made" I felt that

YOU HIGH-JOCKED

okay but when Thomas starts disassociating I also feel really weird like as if there was something blocking my own hearing for real?? And not just the audio edited like that?? Maybe I'm just too tired

WHAT WHO WHHH first intrusive thought making its way what is gonna happen

OH MY GOD ROMAN WATCH OUT ALSO THAT'S DEFINITELY A NEW DARK SIDE OR SMTH LIKE THAT

W HO THE FUCKLKDSL IS THAT A MOUSTACHE IS THAT GLITTER WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE WEARING WHAT IS HE DOING THERE PLEASE- okay but he looks crazy af I like that

"-evIL" "-SHOW UP"

First time I watched the scene where Ro gets knocked out I literally just screamed "ROMAN" in a high pitched sound I was shook wtf my bOY

Patton and Thomas's yells in unison plus "YOU KILLED HIM" I just I JUST

"Ah, he's the Duke" "....... boo" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay but his voice is so on point with his character portrayal he's so weird it's awesome?

SONG SONG SONG and oh goodness the visuals I can't fathom how much editing work must have gone through this, they're all so talented.

"aunt patty naked" A G AI N??

"IM GONNA WHIP YOUR BUTT"

a snaKE IT'S DECEIT oh my these silouhettes are so great this is my favorite scene

this is gonna be stuck in my head all day

THE COOL MIRROR EDIT.

god i hate him so much already but i'm super intrigued he's so chaotic the whole team made a wonderful job i'll never stop saying this

"i'm really stupid right now" just how much out of context relatable content are we going to get on this fine day?

omg the dark version of creativity, which can be associated with intrusive thoughts, that's very clever

THE JUICY STUFF DANCE

"Repression can be very bad indeed" I mean he's right tbh it leads to never solving the problem at all

GO LOGAN GO HAVE YOUR TIME TO SHINE FINALLY i missed him

"i can't hear youuuuuu" much like "I don't understand what you're saying I don't know anything about words" THE DARK SIDES ARE ALL SASSY LITTLE BITCHES

pattonnnn did a real good job

THE BRAVE HANDSOME UNBEATABLE ROMAN and mashed potatoes

"scary" and Virgil just gives Thomas a look idk I live on the little details (Im ten minutes into the vid and look how long this post already is)

GEE Remus (already using his name bc it's shorter) looking so offended at the label and then pointing out it should be a Virgil problem whAT DOES THIS MEAN IM SHAKING

WHY WOULD HE BE DECEIT AGAIN IM DYING. "Idk if you guys can tell but I'm a little silly"

"then why are you lying" no everybody I don't need angst

THE BLACK AND THE WHITE THEORY I SAW GOING AROUND good job to whoever thought of that

JOAN

the forbidden dance

INTO A BUTTHOLE WHAT IS IT WITH HIM AND BUTTHOLES

there u go thomas said it too

haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate FHDSLAKLFD

irresponsible parenting, Logan completing the parental unit of the sides

"maybe there's hope for you after all!" me looking at all my wips

REMUS' LAUGH IS PERFECT. also "BITCH WHAT IS *YOUR* DEAL"

"you've never been one to soften the truth" OH BOI HERE WE GO

"do we have some case of brain swap???" I legitly said "maybe" in unison with Patton the first time

Vee pls stop putting Thommy boy down he's having a bad time

Logan trying to put some sense into the situation is my only spark of hope for this to turn back good

REMUS IS SO DRAMATIC

That lick was ....... let's pretend it never happened

"you know who can help us with that???" DECEIT'S SONG COMING UP that was great, imagine the chaos that the duo would create

"THATS WHAT REPRESSION IS?"

gasp Remus trying to make Virgil angry at Logan shall not stand DON'T PUT THEM AGAINST ONE ANOTHER HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP

"you all are not listening to Thomas" this is the development I needed

"you're just para-" and he cuts himself. You all know what I'm talking about. Foreshadowing probably? This happened too back then when Roman was almost calling him the same. And then Virge looks so hurt I- "thank you for being on guard" that made me want to cry idk

the whole speech Logan gave? Pure gold. That was perfect.

HE SAID FIGURATIVELY *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

"UH RECORD SCRATCH?"

"does this make me cool?" djslagrkglhf also the teeth thing right after what the

... the deodorant eating ...

DUKEY

The first time I watched I thought his name was spelled Remis that's how dumb my Italian ass is

Still I love his name bc I'm a nerd for ancient culture, ESPECIALLY Roman (and ancient Greek but it isn't mentioned here) and I love the little thing they did with both Creativity names, super clever and very much liked on my part.

"I would never hide anything from you" and he looks at Virgil JUST ALL THIS FORESHADOWING

LOGAN SHOWING HIS TEETH BACK UP

"how about you shut up" Roman what the hecc man

THAT THING INTO LOGANS HEAD UNSETTLED ME A BIT

what are they doing to him today let him rest

double blow

"can we logic our way out of that?" everybody nodding was so pure

"shit"

THAT FUCKING JUMPSCARE I'M SORRY WHAT THE FU

"not all thoughts are meaningful"

He's go- no he's back again

THE CALLBACK MENTION AND PATTONS REACTION... probable foreshadowing to what Joan said about there being a part two of SvS?

"When are you actually gonna jump out of a moving car I've been bringing it up for years" so it's not just me..?

"it is okay if the thought happens to cross your mind"

"everything is okay" I'm going to cry I needed that

I love how Logan touches the topic that there is no problem in seeking help from therapists. There's a lot to say on this, but I was really glad that was pointed out since the are a lot of stereotypes on the matter

why did Virgil look like he was about to cry

Patton I love you

Thomas going to rest is what everyone wanted to see

Virgil confronting Remus I'm living you're doing amazing sweetie

"you tickle me emo"

"it was just like old times" then Pat and Lo's looks in this essay I will

ROMAAAAN

VIRGILS SMILE

"YOU'RE ALIVE"

"I LOVE YOU" ME TOO!! ME TOO ME TOO

"are you good?" "are you hurt at all?" I love when the sides look out for each other

"I'm sorry Logan" right through the heart. Another development.

I need y'all to look at Virgil in this exact second because. he.

that's my point.

All those smiles while Logan's talking are making me alive

"No seriously, you're ... really ... cool" I started tearing up right here. Twice. And then Logan sinks down cause he's not at all used to this and he's feeling t h i n g s please keep on being appreciated you deserve it

Also Patton always learning from his mistakes and understanding them when he does something wrong or he thinks in the wrong direction, that's something I think a lot of people need to learn, including myself. Like, it's okay to be wrong and make mistakes, just do your best to make sure you're improving yourself afterwards, instead of dwelling on it too much

"I don't like him" makes two of us

"Soooo you have a brother?" oh boy

The m i r r o r it's making me cry

"He's gone now and he's never coming back!" "I don't think that's-" "BYEE" what was all that talk about repression for if you contiNUE TO DO THIS ROMAN please I beg of you let us hELP YOU he's making me die inside

Oh boi the big moment. I already expected a bomb to drop since Virgil was the last one remaining.

"You okay buddy?" "Huh?" op somehow was already found crying

"I'm a little disappointed in myself" istg all that foreshadowing mixed with me wanting to hug him

The music picking up tension, this is poetic cinema let me tell you

I noticed how he calls them "the others", all these tiny details is what I'm living for

"I should know better" I couldn't beLIEVE IT, also how he seemed to be so frustrated made something inside me break

the pause and then "Because I was one of them", the music stops for a second, a little second in which you can hear my distant screaming "GOSH HE SAID IT IT WAS TRUE"

Thomas is speechless and just stares at him while the music picks up again and then Virgil's sigh and expression sinking down like "there you have it. that's the truth. and you can't do anything about it" he looks so defeated I'm breaking down.

Did I already mention poetic cinema? I just love angst and this scene was perfect

First time watching I, too, barely understood anything I was listening to in the last parte because all of that was really a lot to take in.

"Those thoughts that you may have thought do not define you"

"[the thought] may simply be that we are really okay"

"Go to bed!" me

no im not in the mood for food because for some unfathomable reason I had anxiety before the video dropped yay me

WHY ARE U DRINKING RED WINE WITH THAT DISH

GAVIN BEST BOY EVER

and last but not least: are you fucking serious Remus

THERE'S A SNAKE IN MY BUTT FANDFKJL

I didn't expect this topic at all and I am so glad it was talked about, thankfully my intrusive thoughts do not bother me as much as I realized other people's do. And I never saw anyone talking about this before, which is why it makes this video so important. I saw a tweet recently about someone saying that it is okay if you think about weird things, the important is that you never act on them, that's what makes you a good person. But I think this video really explains it far better and I never realized how common something like this was? So yeah another time in which I've been educated and couldn't be happier about it. These people really are bringing light to the world gah I LOVE THEM.

oKAY guess I'm done this was a wild ride and yeah I tend to point out EVERYTHING, so here you have it, as I already mentioned if you feel the need to geek out too, I'm here for ANYBODY! (pls I have no friends)

[arrowluna]

okay but lets talk about this face for one moment!!!!

You can CLEARLY see in his face that this wasn't done just for peace. his mouth is saying "I can't let you kill Clarke, O" but his eyes, his face, his WHOLE DAMN BEING is practically saying "not again, I can't loose her again, I can't go through this again, I can't possibly let anything happen to her after finally getting her back. I wouldn't be able to survive her dying a second time." Thinking she had died the first time had been hell, knowing that she could possibly die literally shook him to his very core.

There is a brief moment in where you see his eyes just blank out, and in that moment its like "I can't lose Clarke again O"

Actually its like when he is saying "I can't let you kill Clarke" his memories are going back to those six years on the ring without her, he's remembering what it was like to not have her. The moment he says "...O" he snaps out of it, suddenly he's determined to keep her alive.

guys I can go on...basically...he loves her and its Cannon and im dead. Okay love you guise byee.

[mikmikisnotcrack]

BTS as your Overprotective Brothers

Hyung Line || Maknae Line

Pairing: Brother! BTS

Warnings: None

▪▪▪

Kim Namjoon

Namjoon was a very strict brother. He has a designated curfew for every time you went out, he has a list on the fridge and in your room reminding you what you shouldn't do, he prohibits your outings and has to be updated on you 24/7. When he became an idol, you thought that you'd be a little more free since you now have your own apartment and he won't be there to keep an eye on you. You thought wrong. If anything, he got even more strict with you. Every time he's on tour he'd be messaging you non stop. However, you knew Namjoon was only doing his best so that his little sister wouldn't get harmed in any way.

You were currently getting ready to go to a party your college peers had every month. You were dressed in a black see through crop top with rose patches, black high waist shorts, fishnet stockings, high heeled boots and a leather jacket, you know, in case it was cold. Quickly finishing off your makeup with a dark plum lipstick, you grabbed your purse, car keys and headed out to meet your best friend outside your apartment building. However, as soon as you opened your door, your brother was right outside. 'Shit' you thought.

"Oppa! What are you doing here? I thought you were in Bangkok" You asked nervously as he eyed you down "We just got back, and I thought I would check on you in case you were scheming something. By the way you look, I'm guessing that you're going to that party at Min Hyuk's frat house?" He replies.

"Uhhh--" You start "You can't lie to me, (y/n)" He says, cutting you off. "Oppa, please let me go" You beg "This is a one time thing, I promise!"

"Mhm, say that to Nan Hee's instagram story a month ago" He says, showing you his phone where a highlight thread from last month's party was playing. You saw that Nan Hee decided to film the whole thing on her instagram story. Unfortunately, a bunch of those included you playing drinking games with some other girls in the party. 'Im going to kill you Nan Hee!' You thought.

You looked down, your hands fiddling together. You were sure that you'll be dead. Namjoon didn't like you going around partying, especially Min Hyuk's party. "You've been sneaking around while I was on tour, weren't you?" He says sternly, entering your apartment. You placed your purse on the coffee table as you sat down, suddenly finding the floor more interesting than your brother's face.

"Oppa... You wouldn't even let me out to go to the cafe without asking Jimin or Jungkook to go with me." You say, finding it extremely difficult to state your reason for sneaking out. "If I told you that I was invited to Min Hyuk's party, you wouldn't let me.."

You heard him sigh as he kneeled down. "I would've allowed you if you just asked." He says. You met his eyes, surprise written all over your face. "I've done more crazy shit than you ever would, believe me. You have no idea how much dad scolded me as a kid" He says with a little chuckle. "Now stand up, you got all tarted up just to go to that party, I'll drive you. But get home by 10:30, okay?"

You smiled as you both stood up. On the way to the elevator, you realized something "Wait, what does tarted up mean?" You ask. His eyes widened a little bit, disbelief written on his face "You play beer pong and do body shots and you don't know what that means?!"

"Uhhh maybe?"

"It means slutty. Dressed slut- you know what, nevermind."

Kim Seokjin

Your female friends always complained on how they wanted an older brother rather than an older sister. Apparently older sisters were sinister, bossy and more. You, however, think they're fucking insane for wanting a brother over a sister. If having one brother was annoying enough, you best believe having two would be worse. Seokjin constantly bossed you around, and since he was closer to your age, he was the one that monitored your outings and such. Seok Jung was the one that you had to ask for permission every time you do such outings. You can succeed in bribing Seokjin, but you're gonna have a hard time with Seok Jung.

"JIIIINNNN!!!!" You whined, clinging onto your brother's back. Your friends were planning a trip to Palawan for a week and invited you to join them. You managed to convince your eldest brother, so now you just had to convince Seokjin to allow you. Which is why you decided to barge into their dorm during their rest week.

"Excuse me? Jin? Do you have any respect for your oppa" he says, trying to walk back to the living room, but he couldn't due to his annoying little sister clinging onto his back. "What do you want (y/n)?"

"(Y/N)'S HERE?" You hear the distinct voices of the maknaes coming from different parts of the house "NO SHE ISN'T!" Seokjin shouted back as he finally got back to the living room where Yoongi, Namjoon and Hoseok were sitting. "Hong Joo invited me-" "No" He says, cutting you off.

"BUT OPPAAA" You whine, tightening your grip on his torso, making him wheeze a little. "(y/n) you are twenty five years old, stop acting like a child!" He scolds, trying to shake you off. "Yah, Hyung quiet down, I can't concentrate" Yoongi says, button mashing on a controller.

"Then stop treating me like a child!" You say, getting back on the ground. Seokjin sighed, turning around "Fine, what do you want?" He asks. "Hong Joo asked me to go with her and our friends to Palawan. I already asked Seok Jung oppa and he said sure, ask Seokjin" You explain.

"Palawan?! Isn't that a little too far? And who are you going with?" He asks

"Yeah, Busan is also too far away" He glares at your sarcasm, making you laugh nervously "Anyways, the people who're going are Hong Joo, Woo Tak, Hee Min, Seung Won, So Yoon, Cho Hee, Dae Gu and Jaechan"

"JAE CHAN?!" He exclaims "Nope, you aren't coming and that's confirmed. Why are there so many guys?!"

"Oppa, chill, I'm staying in a room with Cho Hee! And hello, he's happily dating Hong Joo for crying out loud!"

"Alright, fine. You can go. But if I hear any funny business happening, you are never getting out of Hyung and I's sight okay?"

Min Yoongi

"Oppa, can you answer the door please?" You yell from your room, making Yoongi sigh as he got up from his comfortable position on the couch. He recently went home to Daegu so he can spend time witj his family, so here he was. According to his mom, there was a visitor coming. He constantly asked around the household on who was coming, but no one answered him. For christ sake he even phoned Jun Ki but he didn't give any reasonable answer on who was this guest and why was his family making a big deal about it. They were all fussing around the house... what for?

Yoongi opened the door and came face to face with a boy he knew all too well "Jaeyoung" He says bitterly. Jung Jaeyoung was a trainee at the company, and in all honesty, he hated his guts. Yoongi could practically smell the fuckboy on him. And not only that, he was that trainee that bossed around his younger trainees and messed around eith the stylists. God knows how the hell he still gets away with his shit. "Hyung! Hi! Uhh... Why are you here?" He asks "I could say the same thing for you" Yoongi replies.

"Um... I'm here for my girlf--" "Byee~" Yoongi says, cutting him off. He already knew what this kid was going to say and immediately slammed the door in his face. "Who was at the door oppa?" You asked, scaring him a little as he failed to notice that you had gone down "Oh, just some people asking for donations for the church" He says. The doorbell rang again and before he could stop you, you had already yanked the door open.

"Jaeyoung!" You exclaimas you hugged him. Yoongi looked at the two of you, disgust evident in his face as he stepped back inside. "Eomma, Appa, my boyfriend is here!" You exclaimed, your parents immediately running out of the kitchen to meet the boy you keep talking about. Yoongi stiffled a laugh as he noticed his mom's smile drop for a split second. She can sense the fuckboy in him too.

Dinner soon started, everyone was dressed nicely, except Yoongi who was in a hoodie and sweats as they ate. Jaeyoung kept talking about himself and you just stared at him with those heart eyes, completely neglecting the fact that he was only talking about him. Yoongi glared daggers at him as he ate, but was soon snapped out when he recieved a text message. At the corner of his eyes, Yoongi saw his mom put down her phone and shot him that stare. He unlocked his phone and almost laughed at his mom's message for him.

'Please shut him up, I can't stand the sound of his voice.'

The night progressed and his words were tiring almost everyone, and at this point the whole family except you was trash talking Jaeyoung in the 'Min Family (minus maknae) GC'. Hell, even Jun Ki was bashing on him. What the hell did you even see in him?! Enough was enough when he slowly started complaining about how you were as a girlfriend, and Yoongi could tell that you were slowly getting affected by it. "Okay, Jaeyoung, Im gonna be straight forward right now, please shut the fuck up." Yoongi says, cutting off the boy and surprising you.

"Excuse me?" Jaeyoung says, obviously offended "Yeah, you heard me. Shut the fuck up." Yoongi replies "O-Oppa!" You stutter. You were not gonna deal with a fight right now. "Not right now (y/n), we'll talk later, okay?" He says, flashing you his gummy smile then turning back to your shit boyfriend with the most intense glare you've seen him do.

"No offense, but please get your head out of your ass, it's not a hat. You are in our household and all you did was talk about yourself as if you were some God, in which you are not. We have tolerated your shit for about two hours now, despite your voice is like nails on a chalkboard." Yoongi starts as he stood up from his chair and started walking towards Jaeyoung

"If your attitude wasn't enough, you decided to shit talk my sister right in front if her and her family. Have you got no shame? Oh right, you don't because everything about you is already shameful." Yoongi grabs the back of his chair, yanks it out and pulls him by the collar towards the door "My sister is an amazing person and she doesn't need you in her life you walking piece of trash. I am breaking you two up. Please never come back to her and get your stuff from Big Hit because you are also no longer a trainee. Goodbyee~" And with that as a finishing statement, Yoongi opened the door and shoved him outside, dusting off his hands before closing the door and locking it.

He turned around and was engulfed in a hug by his little sister, making him smile as he patted you on the back "Thanks oppa" You say "Hey, don't sweat it, oppa always has your back."

Jung Hoseok

Hoseok stared at you from the car. Jiwoo had told him to pick you up since she was busy, so he borrowed her car and went to pick you up at your school. His eyes narrowed as he saw a boy walk up to you with a box and a bouquet of flowers. He watched as you smiled, bowed and took the gifts. He rolled his eyes as he drove over to the parking lot and honked the horn, making your eyes snap from the guy's face and to the car. You bid your goodbyes, thanked him for the flowers and gift and entered the car. "Hey un-- oh! Oppa, I thought you were on tour with the others" You say, not expecting Hoseok to be the one picking you up

"Nice to see you too (y/n), Noona's busy so she told me to pick you up instead" He says,making you hum in response. He looked at you from the mirror and saw that you had opened the box and inside was a compliment jar. He silently scoffed as he stopped at a stoplight. "So, who was that boy earlier?" He asks, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Your eyes widened, realizing that your brother had seen the exchange between you and Tae Kwon, a guy who has been courting you for the past three months.

"Um.. A guy from our class, why?" You ask, smiling nervously at your brother. "Mhm, and why'd he give you those? Seems cliche" He replies

"He's been courting me for the past three months..." You say, knowing that you can't even attempt to lie to your brother.

He stepped on the gas pedal as the light turned green. "Does noona know about him?" He asks.

"Well, yeah. He's been sending flowers and food at home. And when unnie doesn't pick me up he's the one who accompanies me so..."

"I see. Well, either way please kindly reject him. He seems like a nice guy and all, but you're still too young to get into the dating game, ok?" He says with a smile as he looked at you from the rear view mirror "It's not that I don't like him, It's more of I don't want you getting your heart broken at an early age. Take it from someone who's been dumped for a better man. I promise you, you don't need love to be happy in your life. Sure, it's reassuring to know that someone loves you, but sometimes It doesn't go well. Prioritize your studies first instead of love, okay? But even then, if you choose to get in the dating game I won't stop you. It's your life and I, as well as mom, dad and Jiwoo noona, is only here to guide and ensure that you won't end up in regretful situations."

You smiled at your brother as you leaned forward "Thanks oppa" You say as you kissed his cheek and laid back down at the back.

"Yah! Put your legs down, people outside could probably see your underwear!"

▪▪▪

Requests are open guys!! Also to the youngins out there, pls take Hoseok's word of advice seriously 👌

[shanaya-h-blog]

Harrys lyric changes were iconic oh how much I miss those times ugh. ♥ ♥ Ayoo so here's a post like promised! Soo let's talk about Lou's album OMFG im so excited finally an official releasing date I started thinking it won't release until next year but Dec 6th YAS god I actually need that album to be released so much OK now I'm done ranting byee have a nice day ♥ ♥ PS : tags are random! // treat ppl with kindness https://www.instagram.com/p/BqBg3y-A_tW/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=w8mmepd8c16c

[theday]

mx in sg: the experience

FHJGDGHSHGFGGHD as usual starting off with the keyboard smash anyway! ill be talking about my experience seeing mx live yesterday (3/3) second part is abt when mx were on stage but its quite dry bc i dont remember much

ill be going in chronological order so [jooheon voice] lets get it

i was gonna meet my friend (karissa) at 3:30 because we were going to meet the person selling us our tickets at 4pm but that got delayed until like 5pm which was fine though

anyway i met her and we started queueing because although official queuing was supposed to start at 6pm they pushed it forward to 3pm (which was unfortunate for those who were busy and couldnt come until much later - the organizer never released an official statement saying the queuing started earlier) 

so as soon as karissa and i arrived at like. the place (near the venue) we got lost for about a whole 5 minutes lmao so i texted james asking him where the hell . they were and we made it and joined the queue immediately (we were the last few people of the second batch) 

we just sat there and. collected freebies and our banners (for the fan events) while we waited for the seller to come give us our tickets 

when they came i was like . fucking screaming because one of the seller was someone i knew from primary school (4 years ago) and i was likeudghdgghdhsh??????? that was the highlight of the daydhfhs

after we bought the tickets and shit we were slightly concerned they wouldnt work lmao but they did god bless

while we waited for the doors to open and stuff a group of people did dance covers of mx songs and later other groups too everyone was cheering for them which was nice fgfghdgh

the hype died down and we just waited quietly until it hit 6pm and i started listening to the day6 stream LMAO but after 4 songs i had to stop because suddenly everyone was standing up?? 

for nothing though because we sat down like 30 minutes later at around 7? 7:30? everyone stood up again and this time people were given wrist tag things u kno.. ya there were three (?) kinds i think gold for those who held a superfan ticket, pink for general admission and some other colour for those who got tickets for free and could sit on chairs dhdghs 

it was a free standing event in an outdoor space so superfan ticket holders got to stand closer to the stage? and those with general admission had to stand behind us and it was separated by a barricade 

we entered at like 8pm because we were the second batch (there was a third batch behind us) and it was already filled?? not exactly but from where we were standing we couldn’t really see the stage 

in the end we were in the middle which wasnt exactly the best but its definitely better than those standing all the way at the back rip 

i think at like 7:45 they started playing the music videos and everyone was shouting the lyrics it was cute i loved it but my throat told me to die after i yelled for like all of their mvsjhdgdghd 

also when all in played u bet my ass i jumped up and downdhg

also water wasnt allowed inside which i think is normal so i chugged mine down as fast as i could before entering (i had a little left and the lady let me in with it thanks queen) (i drank it all before they even came on stage)

the hype was real though and it was great 

when it hit 8:30pm the introduction video started and suddenly i was getting pushed forward and wow . dont go if ur not a fan of people invading your personal bubble. i wish fans had more sense to Not push around and stuff but what can we do rip 

other than that when they came out oh gOD when they came out i was likebfhgddgs??!?!??!?! i had to stand on my tip toes to see them

they started with beautiful and i was liek. dissociating i jsut sang along and shit it was amazing?????? 

the first person i saw was kihyun and then minhyuk?? i dont remember who else i saw but iw ss losing my fucking mind over how good everyone looked

anyway after that was um.............. fuck. .... i dont know..........

IFMFHGHSGF IM CRYING MY BRAIN TOLD ME TO DIE

white love maybe? i think they did like an introduction of themselves ??

anyway ill figure the songs out later they started playing games i think or was that another time im bad at this clearly 

ask james for the details of the songs i dont remember shit from that i just remember singing along to the songs badly and moving my arm back and forthhfgsgh 

also team work makes the dream work because karissa was recording and i helped her to zoom in and ensure they looked human with the brightness and stuff fhjdgsgh 

but !! everyone did the fanchants really well it was so heartworming 

also during white love they made us do that one part u know the one and it was awesome!!!!! during white sugar they threw m&m’s and i got to get a good look at their faces without having to look at the screen!! 

honestly was good too god im so happie 

hm. they did a mon-story time and showed us pics from previous eras (trespass > i dnt remmeber fuck > beautiful world tour > mxray > first win) ?? might be wrong dghdgs and they talked about stuff that happened i blanked out though so i dont know what they said 

also when they flashed the first win part they started throwing hands @ each other usual mx shit dhjgsgd

we chanted monsta x and they chanted monbebe back at us :-( i love them

i think changkyun said he doesnt wnat to do another season of mxray LMAODHFGHHGS fucking loser 

the translator made me laugh he was super monotone fhgdghfsh

then they played mon-ccaso dghghfsh and drew what they wanted to eat with singaporean mbb!!

there was a bug in front of wonho and he got !!!! fhdgh cute .

shownu: ????? what was it ?? a drink it looked like a cocktail and kihyun was like “non alcoholic” dghffsgs

wonho: ice cream!!! hes so cute his drawing was so cute also he wrote monbebe before they announced the game his handwriting is so pretty tf

minhyuk: ramyeon lmao (in his words: traditional korean noodles) 

kihyun: uh oH HE DREW A CRABFGHGSHS and said chili and pepper crab!!!

hyungwon: he drew a shrimpfhggdgs fucking . it was so cute

jooheon: mandu!! or dumplings :D

changkyun: water. JHDHGDGSG KING HONESTLY IW AS LIKE JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT!! love me a water stan 

anyway they talked about what they drew and when it came to minhyuk’s turn he was like guess and everyone just shit on him DHJDHSHG 

some examples: “hair” Gghdhg and some fans (including me) screamed cucumberhjfghgs let this man live 

minhyuk also tried to make fun of jooheons drawing but it failed bc none of us understood his joke

so they made us vote by screaming and they each stood up while holding their sketchbooks and we’d scream

winner was changkyun (i yelled my heart out and jumped bitch)

FHGSGG W INNER HAD TO DO AEGYO THOUGHDG played urself

they did oppaya and i think there are fancams somewhere

then they made wonho do it hhdggs best 1 minute of my life

after that was uhh??????? brain machine broke i dont know im not even going in order anymore

they either did from zero first or the fan videos were shown first

if so the fan videos were of fans talking about how much they love/appreciate mx and it was sweet after that we raised our banners for the fan vid

and then the CAKE came for wonho and we sang happy birthday to wonho (kihyun asked us to sing once too at the start hjdghgsg we did that in english this time it was in korean) 

also funny hfgdhgs thing... they talked in korean and a lot of people replied in korean so they got shockedhfgh FUCJ DAY6 ok safe im listening now

i think they (minhyuk?) asked who thought/if he was handsome and got rly happie when we said yea

after him someone asked too LOLJHDGSG

back 2 whatever fdsh um oh yeah the cake was done to look like ramyeon in a pot :D ill add a link

wonho cut himself with the knife D-: babie 

he kept wanting to eat it though so hopefully he liked it 

maybe after that they did from zero???? ufhffghsgghdg idk

after that was hero!!!!!!! god we were all so pumped 

shine forever next 

and then they stopped to take a break i thinkfhgshgd 

at some point they asked fans (a jooheon stan and a wonho one) what songs they liked :-D the jooheon one said beautiful and the other said ill be there if im not wrong

they also made the rappers sing bits from some songs hfgsg i dont remember which songs tho hdhs

changkyun tried his besthjdg

they did their ending ment and went to dramarama!! 

after that it was silent for like 5 minutes max as we chanted mx and for encore

they came out and did ill be there (?) (first verse to chorus) and talked again before doing 5:14! 

they were dressed in casual tshirts which was a relief hjghgdh because it was reallly fuckng hot hdh changkyun mentioned the weather too sorry dude thats life

they waved at fans and played amongst themselves kihyun dumped water on jooheon LMAO i got a clear view of that

stay hydrated !

they just kept dumping water on each other i love a family :-D

and then they said bye and left

jooheon kept going byEE though dhgdhs hes so cute :-( 

ok heres what i thought abt the monstas themselves

kihyun looked especially good with that tie by the way 

jesus i got to see wonho with dark hair i truly. died

ALSO SHOWNU LOOKS SO HANDSOME IRL!!!! MY WIG WAS SNATCHED!!!!!!!!!!!

hyungwon was rly cute too when he interacted with the fans :-(

there was one time wonho smiled and it was caught on the screen i . felt my heart burst in that moment

alsowwhen minhyuk took center position for their choreos he has this ?? charisma ??? its amazong like the one smirk/grin he does u know that? yeah i saw it in beautoful and died

joohoen and changkyun also did their best hyping mbbs up by yelling to sing along and stuff ihdjgf i love them

this is just mx loving hours 

also kihyun did the DHDHHSH EYE SMILE!!! HE DID IT SO MANY TIMES HE WAS SO HAPPIE I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

i didnt get to see jooheon much but he was so playful with minhyuk it was so cute!!!!!!! 

they all look so good and sound even better live!!! kihyuns adlibs god help me. 

i love them so much. i really do fhhdghghs im happy i went no more regrets and no more telling myself i didnt have a blast because i!!!! i loved every second of it even when i got someones hair stuck to my arm LMAO 

after it ended we immediately left for the exit andggdghs WOW standing up i was fine but moving?? moving was HELL my legs hurt so bad

ok so we got home and thats that but like.... heres where my self reflection comes in

so you dont have to read this part

i think. the reason i dont remember much is because.. i dont want to? like. at some point i got a clear view of wonho in the Flesh and i was thinkng about how i was really seeing them? for real????? and i got. really sad i think?? 

so to prevent myself from getting sad i probably tried to forget? everything?? theres also my bad memory of course but i cant even remember their faces i feel like its because im trying to forget or some deep shit 

anyway i think im also makig myself not be happy??? this is phrased v bad but its like im trying to kill the fun and only think abt the negatives of the whole event

which wasnt even much so its like. my minds blankfhjfhd

talking about it here helps though like i get to. share and actually talk about what happened so yeah i can say that i had fun even though i couldnt see them i had a blast singing along it was awesome

the only bad part was how i didnt like watching from the screens because it felt like i wasnt seeing them live?? ooMGHDDS DAY6 ARE DOING BETTTER BTTER

tldr; im not that upset over it now thank god and i can proudly say i had fun and although i cant remember much it was a great experience

thank you for coming to my tedtalk if you did <3