#im doing things i like but theres no joy or happiness really with it

[crowned-peony]

I am at the point in my life where I have no clue what I want.

It's not that I am not interested in living my life or feel stuck but more in the "I'm not sure what direction to walk in"

I'm standing in a spot and have option of going any direction but no pull to any of them. I rather just sit down.

I think it's that I never thought I get here. I had no plan after 27. I thought that the most I would make it was my golden birthday and call it there. But know I am close to 3 years past and so many of what I dreamed of isn't a possibility.

[good-beans]

.

[fobnsfwdoodlesbackup]

happy bday i can’t draw but i will try to doodle h a cow trick <3

Yippeeee!!! Thank you!!! As long as there's love in it I will be able to tell 💕💕💕💕💕

[spacedlexi]

hi just wanted to send an anon saying i go so buckwild over your twdg content you're like the cool kid at camp who holds a bunch of tadpoles (vi and clem content) in their hands and shows the tadpoles to everyone but still knows the tadpoles so intimately. love it so much keep up the epic work please else i die of clemvi withdrawal

sdfjsgdsh aww thats so cute anon

they are my Indulgence i think about how one day i'll be old drawing old clemvi mark my words

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[smoothoperador]

.

[thatwasntlikeridingabikeuasshole]

the plot has been thickening too much lately. yeah it's too thick now. we should add some water maybe. thinnen that thick ass plot.

[ybbag777]

I could ponder for hours what my favorite Stryker of painting to 'look' at is, but my favorite style of painting to 'paint' is impressionist by w mile. There's something about the impression of it that's just so fun to try to create by looking at a scene.

[sanchoyo]

ik i said i wanted to do at least 2-3 personal solo zines this year aside from the one i already put out but im having such a hard time deciding on a topic?? 'random art zine' or 'sketchbook zine' feel too random kadhfkj. and the only thing ive been MEGA into lately have been my own ocs but making a zine with them would feel weird..also very niche lmao

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA For taking down my cousin's pride flag?

So my cousin is the most no-nonsense person Ive ever met. He (M28) is very serious, and takes everything really really seriously, but he's still a joy to be around. He's super smart, and the whole family adores him, he's kind of the golden child in our family, though theres zero resentment from the rest of us.

My whole life, he's been this pillar of the "perfect kid" and although he's nice, since he's moved away, no one has been to his apartment or really seen him outside of family celebrations, dinners, weddings, etc.

Last week, he was in a car accident. (another car T boned him) and he was put in an induced coma in the hospital. He's coming out of it now, expected to make a full recovery, but is still expected to stay at the hospital for a while. My aunt, his mother (F72) asked me and other cousins to go over to his house and collect items he might need. Clothes, books, etc. She took the keys out of his clothes and have them to us, all while my cousin was still out of it.

When we got there, I opened the door to a MASSIVE Gay leather pride flag.

First thing on the wall. When we went into the apartment there was BDSM equipment, gay pride decorations everywhere, and other graphic things that made it clear my cousin is, A, gay, and B, firmly in the kink community. I don't want to get too much into it, but there were certain Polaroid pictures stapled to the bathroom wall that left little doubt.

All of us were needless to say, a little horrified.

To be clear, I am queer, and a MAJORITY of our cousins are as well. None of us had any inclination he is gay, and its clear no one else in the family knows. This was the first time anyone had been in his apartment.

We took a vote, and as the oldest one there I made the decision to hide everything. I took the flag down, I (carefully) put as much of the items that were an indication away in a box and hid them. It was a pretty extensive clean out, but I moved books and other things around on the walls to make it look a little less bare. An hour after that more family showed up at the apartment to help, people like our grandmother, more aunts and uncles and my parents, all of them cleaning or doing dishes or putting food in the fridge to help my cousin's recovery.

A few of the cousins that were there when we first found the stuff have said that I shouldnt have messed with any of it, that the pride flag was on the wall BECAUSE my cousin was happy about his identity. I argued that my cousin hadn't told any of us, isn't out to the family as far as Im aware, and I wanted to protect him in case he wasn't ready.

Further clarification, no one in the family is OUTWARDLY homophobic, but I'm still not out to a majority of my family either, and if i was in my cousin's place, Id want someone to hide my stuff for me.

My cousin still hasn't been released from the hospital, and I haven't found time alone with him to tell him that I moved some stuff in his apartment. When I handed back his keys he looked a little panicked, and I tried to look reassuring.

Im having second thoughts about whether what I did was good, or if I'm projecting my own fear about coming out to family on him. Am I the asshole?

[dunmeshistash]

in regards to skin tone variation in DM, i do think a lot of it is colorism/racism too. theres a few characters of color, but not many (just like how theres some fatter characters, but none of them are main characters (even senshi & other dwarves arent really depicted as fat)).

ryoko kui has surface representation for these people, but it lacks much substance, and the brown characters she does draw arent given brown facial features, and are almost always colored with very ashy skin. a lot of them just look like a recolored white person (especially cithis, kaka, & kiki). her random portraits of characters who dont actually appear in the series otherwise tend to be much better about this, but the actual characters that show up and play a part all seem to suffer from this issue.

im not saying kui is like, super-duper racist and we all need to stop reading DM etc etc, but i think its important to recognize and point out everyday/usually-overlooked colorism & racism when we see it, and i know im not the first or only person to point this out about her character designs. if she can draw fat people and actual brown people as part of the portraits, why cant she or wont she do the same for any of the featured characters in the series?

(i know the orcs are fat, but its not a good thing the only consistently fat people are the ones who are a fantasy race based off of violent racial stereotypes, who are also pig people, while none of the main cast of "real" humans are fat except *maybe* the dwarves, who still have small waists and flat stomachs, and the lord of the island, who is depicted as corrupt & decadent)

Well yeah.

I'm just a lore blog so I don't like to get too into real life issues or make assumptions about how the author feels about these subjects. What I talked about on the skin tone post was assumptions as to why she thought it would be important to show skin tone variations on certain races as a character design choice. (In the sense that her character design is very purposeful)

I realize some people over praise Kui's designs when most of it is pretty safe for what it is, but even if it's just a step closer to better representation it's something that's rare to see in anime. So I understand why some people get so excited about it.

It is important to realize this isn't the ideal either (Dark skinned characters with the same features as the others, mostly well build characters on the thinner side) but I personally don't like to criticize these type of stories on what it "could/should have been".

As someone who is fat and not white, I'm happy we get some diversity in dungeon meshi. I hope this opens up the possibility of better character design in the future even if what we got now wasn't perfect.

It shouldn't be the case that this piece of art filled me with so much joy I teared up cause I had never seen someone with a similar body to mine drawn with so much respect and objectivity. But unfortunately that's the world we live in and I don't think it's wrong to be happy for what we get for now while acknowledging it's not perfect and that it should be better.

I'm also super happy the anime chose to make the dark characters even darker.

[billsbabydoll]

“𝓌𝒽ℯ𝓃 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌, 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌.”

contains:FLUFF<3

summary:the time felt right, could an addition to the family be what just me and bill need?

WARNINGS:none really just very cringe fluff, kissing, pet-names, mentions of pregnancy, SLIGHT anxiety, reassurance, suggestive ending.

notes:take this drath from july while i force myself to write something new.

happily married and recently moved into our dream home things finally felt like they had fallen into place perfectly, bill wondered if it was the right time to consider taking the next step?

one evening while cuddled up on the couch together watching our favorite movie, bill suddenly spoke up-

“babe?”

“hm yeah?”i replied looking up at him with curiosity, awaiting his response.

he smiled softly pausing the movie and turning to face me, he proceeded to gently pull me closer, his arm wrapping around my waist.

"nothing, i just wanted to chat for a bit baby."

he paused for a moment, his expression now becoming more serious.

“theres something ive been wanting to talk to you about.”he adds.

“and whats that liebe (love) you know you can tell me anything right?”i responded with a hint of sincerity, looking deeply into his eyes trying to puzzle what he leading towards.

he nodded, a small smile now tugging at the corner of his lips, he took a deep breath, his gaze never leaving mine as he continued.

"i know, and that's why i want to talk to you about this...it's something that's been on my mind for a while now."

he reached up gently tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, his touch tender and loving.

"ive been thinking a lot about our future, and i have an idea that id like to discuss with you."

i returned the smile curiously, my eyes glimmering with anticipation as those words left his lips.

“go on?…”

i asked excitedly but still remaining calm, taking my hand in his.

he squeezed my hand in his, the feeling of my skin against his giving some comfort to his anxious jitters.he took another deep breath before continuing, his voice firm yet gentle.

"we've been together for a while now almost 6 years, and we've accomplished so much..but there's something ive been thinking about a lot lately, and i think it's time to bring it up."

he paused, his expression earnest.

"i want to start a family with you, love."

“a-are you serious bill?!”i asked eagerly with a new loudness to my voice.

ive always wanted to start a family with him but it always felt too soon or not the right time, but now felt like the was the perfect time.

we’ve been together since i was 17 and he was 18 now we’re 23 and 24, i just finished school, he was becoming more and more successful with his career, now was our chance.

he chuckled lightly, my excitement and enthusiasm making him smile even wider, he nodded his expression enlightened and genuine.

“im completely serious meine liebe (my love) i want you and me to watch our kids grow up, i wanna do all of that with you, i love you and i wanna see you be the best mother i know you can be.”

he reached up, gently caressing my cheek with the palm of his hand.

“and i know you want this too, ive seen it in your eyes.”

“babe are you sure, i mean what if im not a good mom?” i softly asked an afraid expression now on replacing my happy one.

“youll be a fantastic mom, i have no doubt in my mind-”

“you are kind, caring, and loving, you have the perfect qualities to be the best mother in the world.i will be with you every single step of the way we’ll do this together, as a team.”

i sighed deeply, listening to the words that fell from his lips i looked back up at him with a now more calm and confident expression.

“then i guess its worth a shot then, lets do it.”

a wide cheeky smile spreads across his lips at my acceptance, his heart swelling with joy and excitement.he pulled me tightly wrapping his arms around me, while kissing my forehead.

“we’re gonna have such an amazing family together, i love you so much!”

“i love you too baby..”

i whispered with an anxious but excited smile, leaning in to place a delicate and rather deep kiss on his puffy lips.

“well why dont we get started on this baby-making hm?”i teased with a seductive grin.

he laughed heartily, my teasing igniting a familiar fire in his eyes.he tugged me into his lap, his hands strongly gripping on the sides of my waist as he looked up at me, his eyes now filled with desire and need.

“i like that idea, lets get started then babe.”

THE END

[pcheyes]

okay im not good at all at making reqs and stuff but do u think u could do like a sunghoon highschool au thing where the reader n him are bestfriends but hes slowly realizing that hes catching feelings for her and like hes noticing that little things she does for him or just in general are starting to give him butterflies and stuff? just like cute ass stuff (ofc reader likes him back) i hope this makes sense 😭💗

snow angel

pairing: sunghoon x fem!reader

synopsis: your longtime best friend park sunghoon simply cant ignore his feelings for you anymore, especially on a special day like this.

warnings: none really? skinship, fluff, barely proofread

word count: 420

song suggestions: heart attack-chuu, must be love-laufey

back to the archives !

this wasn’t supposed to happen.

sunghoon swore on his holographic charizard that this wouldn’t happen to him, but you were too captivating.

at first, it was small things, you tugging on sunghoons sleeve to direct him in the right direction, you tutoring him and getting a little too close to him.

but everything changed that one afternoon.

it was a chilly afternoon, with pinkish hues gracing your cheeks and nose. you had a scarf (sunghoons) wrapped around your neck as you guys walk together, occasionally spotting a stray cat or dog and stopping to pet it.

but today, today happened to be the first snowfall. the first snowfall is usually very symbolic. theres a supersition that the first snowfall you witness with the person you like, true love will blossom between both and it will be long-lasting. sunghoon usually takes these first snowfall walks with a photo of his celebrity crush, his family, or he avoids it all together. but this snowfall just had to happen when he was walking home with you.

you guys eventually ended up chatting about teachers and homework, when suddenly, snowflakes started to grace your face. you spealed and tugged sunghoon the nearest park to play around.

i think thats what he liked most about you.

you always did whatever you wanted, as long as it brought you joy, but when you started hanging out with sunghoon you did stuff that made him happy too. you made him feel like it was you and him against the world. 

once you finished playing in the snow and taking photos you grabbed your bag but paused.

you reached to get a snowflake out of sunghoons hair.

and thats when it happened

“you’re so beautiful” 

you stare at him as you slowly retract your hand.

“you, you think i’m beautiful?”

“i think you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever met. everything about you is beautiful, from your hair,” he says as he takes a bit of your hair in his hand “to your pretty outfits” he then fiddles with the hem of your shirt. “everything about you is beautiful and every day i wish you would be mine” you inch closer to sunghoon and put an arm around his waist.

 “i’ve waited for forever for you to say that” you pull him by his collar and feel the soft sensation of your lips connecting in a loving moment. you break apart and put your forehead against his while giggling. “i love you sunghoon” 

“i love you too, more than you’ll ever know”

general taglist: @unikivrse msg or comment to be added

authors note: hope u liked this anon !! i originally wrote this when it was still really chilly outside so this has a winter theme. (also sunghoons coquette pictures are so cute😽)

[yellowroseswrites]

"Gotta be nourished sweetheart"

Soft!Rafe cameron x Ed recovery!reader

Bascically, rafe won’t sleep with you unless you’ve eaten properly and drank enough water.

Tw- {ed behaviors, mentions of reader eating, mentions of reader drinking water,reader is recovering from an eating disorder, theres talks of retricting, purging, and lax pills, none are in detail and its very vague on which ones reader actually had problems with, just to keep it open for anyone to self insert, reader forgetting to drink water, curse words used, idk how to write rafe without cursing im so sorry, soft rafe tho, ooc rafe, hes not a psychopath, reader is called numerous petnames, pretty angel, pretty baby, implied smut, no actual smut tho, idk if this is too close to smut to post on a comfort blog?} Pls tell me if this is crossing some comfort line

Your eyes lingered on the tall boy in front of you as he went about cleaning up the trash from the movie night you two had just concluded. He put the dishes away, catching you staring as he made his way back to the couch.

“My pretty angel, what’s with the ‘fuck me’ eyes hm?” He stood in front of you, using his hand to lift your chin so you were looking right at him.

You giggled a bit as you pulled your face away from his hand, “Shut up.”

Rafe took a seat next to you, “What did my pretty baby eat today while I was out?”

He always asked this, but he somehow found a way to make it seem casual. You knew you didn’t have a choice but to answer him, yet it never felt forced. He was nothing if not caring, making sure this topic never had to be any more uncomfortable for you than it already was.

“The lunch and dinner you made, I ate pretty much all of both to be honest, and I had some yogurt right before you got back.��� Saying it all out loud made it feel like way more food than it really was, making you stress nearly immediatly, but before you could linger on the thought any longer you saw the immense joy in Rafe’s eyes.

He smiled a bit before responding, “Did you do anything after? Or take anything?”

He meant purging, or lax pills, something you had always found gross and unnerving, not wanting anyone to know or think you would do either, but he always talked of them with no judgement.

“Nope. My meals stayed fully digested today.” You couldn’t help the slightly annoyed tone, but you moved on quickly, “Did I pass your test?” You reached out to place a hand on his neck, gently scratching at his scalp.

“Mm, How much water did you drink?” shit

“Enough.” You responded, hoping he’d believe it.

“Uh-huh, sure.” He stood up, slowly walking to the kitchen.

“Rafe, it's not that big a deal, come on.” You huffed, "I'm plenty hydrated enough."

He knew what you wanted, you knew you weren't getting it until he was satisfied.

He brought you a glass of water, "Drink."

You took the cup and rolled your eyes, taking a sip from it.

"Keep acting like that and that cup will be the only thing you put your pretty little mouth on."

You nearly choked at his words, but quickly recovered enough to drink the water.

Rafe was just happy his baby was eating and drinking.

[miiilowo]

i feel like theres not a lot of great resources out there so i figured id just ask -- how would you recommend ways of living with/helping out someone else with npd? :)

youre right! most of the time when u look up NPD stuff its "THE ABUSER DISORDER: KNOW HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT AND DISABLE NARC DEFENSES SO THEY CANT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU" which isnt. Great

all it really comes down to is listening to them n addressing their needs if they've communicated them to you. ill try to simplify it so i dont get too into details, though i will likely fail, and most of this advice will be based off my experiences, so idk how much itll apply to whoever ur talking about BUT:

generally (and w me especially) you can safely say that NPD mostly has to do with ego dysregulation. Our [as in myself and people w npd] mental health and general happiness tends to rely on how people perceive us, and if that perception is anything but positive, we feel like poopy doo doo dogshit. we kinda need to be paid attention to in a way that feels meaningful, yknow? compliment them, make sure theyre included in conversations (esp group ones), and try not to ignore em in any way. if youre talking to them and youre busy, for example, make sure you include that detail so they don't feel like youre brushing them aside. stuff like that. if they make art, and you genuinely like it, try going into detail as to why, whether its the colors or linework or what have you. if they write, tell them what you liked about the story or poem, etcetera. Tag them in stuff that reminds you of them if you have their socials, or send them things, show it to them, whatever.

lots of us tend to actually be very insecure, even if it doesn't seem that way, which might be important to keep in mind. sometimes we can get whats referred to as "narc crashes" (im not particularly a fan of the term narc, though theres nothing actually wrong with it, so ill just call it an NPD crash) where for whatever reason, we go from feeling great and secure in our egos and our stability and happiness and security to falling 600 feet down directly into hell no recovery absolutely awful 0% joy 0% light 100% agony. dogs with human teeth screaming at you and shit its really just no good. calling you a dunderhead

they usually (though not always!) come after a high where we feel fantastic, and most commonly the cause of a crash is we get hurt by someone, humiliated, or made to feel lesser in some significant way. for me, they're the worst when i no longer feel confident that people like me, and i become incredibly worried everybody secretly hates me. which is a very very very awful train of thought to be experiencing when you have the "EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LIKE ME NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" disorder. so if ur friend seems depressed or upset make sure to ask whats going on and bump up the praise and stuff up a notch. its the best way to recover for Me, at least. crashes dont have a consistent like. timeframe? i think it highly depends on the severity of what happened and whats being done to fix it, though im certainly no psychologist lmao

i feel like when folks w npd Are mean or unfair its because their needs arent being met, theyre doing awful, and they need support so they dont desperately lash out for it. god knows thats the case for me. thats another thing thats important to keep in mind i think

a lot of traits of NPD aren't pretty, and thats just a fact of the matter. its a disorder for a reason and all. even if we dont express the almost inherently negative traits all the time (usually because we are aware they are unfair to other people), its very likely that we are feeling them, and it does erode your brain after a while. The DSM-5 list of traits is probably the best way to go for this, as per this government website:

"A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and with lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood, as indicated by at least five of the following:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.

Believes that they are "special" and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).[milo note: its hard for me to find something specific to make bold in this definition, but generally, i do not express that i think that i am better than other people even if i think it]

Requires excessive admiration.

Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations.

Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.

Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes."

Ive bolded the ones that would negatively affect people that, I, at least, try not to express but still feel, or feel the desire to do, near constantly.

As you can see, thats a pretty hefty chunk of them! I'm sure some people could take problem with every trait listed here, in which case they can suck my whole dick, but those are the ones I've noticed upset people the most, or make relationships the most difficult. I bring these up because if someone does express these, you need to keep in mind it is because of a personality disorder. That doesn't always make them acceptable, and if they are really upsetting, you should talk to them about it, but thats just like. basic relationship shit lmao. just try to be an eensy bit forgiving

Though the MAIN reason I wanted to bring up the traits is due to the 'entitlement/unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment/compliance' one. This can manifest in a whole lot of ways, but it is genuinely infuriating when someone ignores what i want them to do/what ive asked them to do/etc, especially if its for a reason that doesnt 'feel' solid enough, like them just not wanting to do it. it can be incredibly frustrating if someone with npd says they need something from you or want you to do xyz and it doesnt happen, so try your best to listen to them. if you cant do what they desire for whatever reason, make sure thats clear, and why. Most of us will recognize we're being unfair, but will still be mad; Just know its not because of you, its because of the disorder, and most people will not hold it against you because they're aware its unreasonable in some fashion.

i think thats like. the main things when it comes to meeting the needs of someone w NPD. to summarize and dumb it down:

make sure to compliment them in meaningful ways, especially when you really mean it

pay attention to them; try to prioritize them in conversation and such. it feels very nice. dont ignore them for the love of god

keep the crashes in mind, and try to uplift your friend as much as you can. reassure them you care about them, maybe not directly by saying "i care about you" but with your actions in general

listen to them and adapt to their needs as best as you can

remember that if they are being unpleasant its probably because of The Disorder and they are not doing well. dont let anyone be a prick to you but try to be kind. everybody goes through shit

if anyone has anything to add, or if you have any followup questions, feel free to ask ^_^ i very much didn't cover everything here, and again, this is mostly based off of my experience as someone w NPD, and everyone is different to some degree. The most important thing to do is ask about their needs, and try to adapt to them the best you can.

i think thats all i have to say for now tho so. sayanora. if i come up w anything else ill add it in an edit

[poems-of-the-anentomologist]

Poem About Loneliness Hidden Behind Some Bug Metaphors and Edgar Allen Poe References 

(anentomologist - extended)

i miss my ants and bees

i never should’ve left

i never should’ve said

“im sorry but i can’t keep this going any more” i miss grasshopper,

with his permanent look of befuddlement upon their face,

and his art, oh his art

golden colors and pastel blues,

it shocks me,

you’d think he would be a human with the beauty of it all

a raven taps at my window,

cawing, screaming incessantly,

telling me to wake up

i scream back at it instead

i miss mantis

the bluntness, the simplicity of

how they tackled everything

the joy he could glean from the smallest of things,

random shows and books he just found from nowhere

it amazes me,

you’d think he would be human with the simplicity of it all

im sobbing on my floor now,

like a little kid, but i killed that version of myself

to be with my Bugs instead

the raven is still tapping on the window like it thinks its some deluded woodpecker

i miss butterfly

her boundless enthusiasm for anything, everything

the time she let me hold her emotional support avocado when i needed most

seriously though, an avocado? what were you thinking!

it scares me,

it was so soft you’d think it was made for human hands

god i hate that bird,

what does it think it is,

eating up all my friends like that and then just hanging around my window all day its not even a bug,

its a raven or crow or something,

and its ugly!

how am i supposed to like something that isnt a bug?!?

i miss beetle

i never should’ve driven him away

he followed me, the last one

he shouldn’t have followed

i couldnt bear him to share my fate

it makes me cry,

his kindness belongs to a human, not something as pathetic as myself

if i was human, i would be happy

if they were human i could mend the wounds

if they were human i could sit among them and listen

to the tides of whatever conversation on whatever

queerly thought out, half-baked plan to

do whatever-it-is-today or how-about-this-dream-i-had-last-night

i miss cicada most of all

no words i have found yet describe him in a way that

shows how great he really is

even hearts of gold can rust though,

so its for the best he left

so its for the best. . .

if i was a bug, would you step on me? im scared to find out yet,

theres only way i can go from this place