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lubrumalis · 7 months ago

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ghost character analysis

tw: spoilers from ghost mw2 comics, nsfw, dead dove do not eat, mature content.

this is pretty much a part 2 to ghost headcanons except with more lore and analysis (im still not sure if reboot ghost has the same backstory as the og ghost).

ghost is not a cold, calculated, ruthless man. maybe in a separate au or something, but theres a huge difference between ghost and simon riley. in fact, we need to understand that the reason he even chose ghost as a new name for himself is because of all that's happened to him. his family got killed, he got tortured by roba, and had to eliminate many men on his own. before that he was simon, not ghost. in the comic he literally calls the child hostages he was saving ‘sweetheart’ and ‘love’. hes not that mean and cold yall

we know that PTSD does shit to it's victims, ghost lost his entire family and had no one. think of it as a coping mechanism to have a new name to be known as.

ghost is a ruthless killer. simon is just some guy.

ghost sets himself to an incredibly high standard of discipline. i think it's intuitive that military boys will need to be punctual and organized to some degree, but ghost takes this to a whole other level. considering his father's abusive behavior (explained by his disturbing statements said to simon, is a drug addict, and beats simons mom) his home life was likely chaotic as a child.

in the mw2: ghost comic (issue #3) it specifically stated the following: "discipline, precision, control. these are what riley built his whole life on. break those down and the dark stuff begins to ooze out..." again, this is probably a form of trauma response to his childhood.

so what does this lead to? well firstly, this probably means his room is incredibly tidy and organized (monotone design i know :,c).

would never in his life touch drugs. this is a promise he made to himself.

also kinda proves that ghost aint a reckless guy. he thinks things through before doing it.

ghost isn’t that hypersexual. theres no way of knowing his history with women, but i like to think ghost is not that horny 24/7 and needs a fuckbuddy. in the mw2 comic, he was on a mission and was in an area full of prostitutes (wasn’t actively on duty, but on his way) when they tried to hit on him he politely rejects one of them, and later tells them to fuck off😀 so yea contrary to popular belief i dont think he really enjoys one night stands or the idea of being entertained by random women. in fact, i hc he might actually be a virgin or just have a really low body count.

ghost is a feminist!😁 (misandrist too). ok let me reword that, ghost doesnt like men and respects women. one of the reasons why he doesn’t want to be around prostitutes and do one night stands (his father killed a hooker in front of him, very traumatic) is because he thinks the concept of quick, casual sex is not good for society and dilutes the value of meaningful relationships. but also, remember the discipline, precision, control thing? its apart of his principle. but also, in the comic, sparks (soldier he worked with) knocked out and attempted to rape a woman, ghosts literally looked disgusted and called the police (also why he’d never do that himself, i dont get the hcs that say he does). ghosts seen how his dad treated his mom and absolutely hates abusers. anyways onto misandry—i think ghost internally thinks men are violent and disgusting (ghosts would choose the bear over the man, even though hes a man) mainly because throughout his military career majority of the bad stuff hes seen was done by men, so hes much more relaxed in a room of women vs man. ghost thinks his dad is the epitome of pure evil (canon! he said this to his therapist). this doesn’t mean hes scared or hates all men tho!

ghost isn’t close with tf141… including soap. now before you attack me let me explain. sure, he trusts them to some degree, but i dont think they naturally just hangout when they’re not deployed. in the end we need to understand they are SAS soldiers, they are working a real job that mainly consists of them shooting and dismantling others. considering ghosts betrayal in the past (in the comic, a few soldiers ghost previously worked with killed his entire family 😢) he isn’t gonna just trust his teammates because theyre his teammates. im also pretty sure they all live in different cities while not deployed. tf141 probably all want to separate their job from their personal lives, which includes each other. but onto soap, i dont think him and ghost have a deep brotherly relationship. but i think they care about each other, but exchanging some dad jokes and bantering doesn’t mean they’re suddenly soulmates or brothers. think about it… you and you’re co worker joke around sometimes, never hangout outside of work, and now people are shipping you and calling the two of you besties. makes no sense.

ghost is extremely patriotic. in the comic (i reference this way too much but theres SOOO MUCH LORE i recommend reading it) ghost tells his teammates the reason for joining the military: queen and country, right after 9/11. he also said “the world has changed”. interestingly enough army enlistment did actually skyrocketed after 9/11 attacks, ghost was among them. he probably thought ww3 was about to happen, or that ‘theres no more peace’ or whatever. i hc being obsessed with soccer too lmao and getting mad if english teams dont win. also his playful banter with johnny “get us a tea?”. probably very proud of his british heritage.

ghost doesn’t have much friends. hes a really, reallyyyyy lonely guy. i hc him as an introvert in the first place, but trust issues make this worse. in the comic, he was literally in the newspaper for killing his family and then killing himself (he didnt, he was framed that way tho) so its likely most of his formers friends probably think hes dead. ghost likely got some sort of amnesty or exemption from the military after knowing he didn’t actually kill his family, but whats in the news stays true to the public. even if he does have friends he probably doesn’t share feelings with them or form a long term bond.

ghost is extremely cynical. this is obvious tbh, but i think ghost believes hes going to die in the middle of a battlefield, shot or stabbed, a painful death, body left to rot for weeks, and no one to remember him. just like that. and he accepts that fact too.

ghost isn’t a picky eater. growing up in an abusive household where his parents couldn’t hold a stable job, he had to eat what there was. some days he settles for cheap beans and toast and when people call him out for it, he tells em to fuck off😀

ghost is emotionally fucked up, probably kind of depressed. i mean this guys been through hell: got sa’d, buried alive, had to dig through underground dirt and worms with a jawbone, tortured in horrible ways, had his entire family killed, abusive dad, and the weight of his grey morales because he killed lots of people as a soldier. wow! would you look at that list, itd be more strange if he wasn’t emotionally fucked up after was has happened😅. even when tortured, seeing his family dead, ghost was never shown to have cried in the comic. i hc hes emotionally numb. however, i do think hes emotionally MATURE and able to communicate his emotions, but hes still emotionally fucked. for example a scene where he was talking about his experience with roba (guy who tortured ghost) and ghosts father to a therapist. i think ghosts may be traumatized, but this doesn’t stop him from attempting to get help and communicating how he feels and thinks about this world.

ghost wears a mask... not because hes insecure and traumatized it's to separate ghost from simon riley. first of all he learned the consequences of revealing your identity during deployment, in the comic, he reveals his face in missions before his family got killed. i think he wears a mask because 1) its practical, no one knows who he is, 2) an analogy for himself to remind him simon riley, his original identity, was dead the moment his family was murdered, this SAS soldier with a skull mask is GHOST (yes this is canon, ghost references in the comic!).

in issue #1 while some kids were being held hostage, he starts telling his life story to them to calm them down/distract them from the bad situation. this is his explanation to why he wears a skull mask, word by word: "I bet you're wondering why I wear these bones on my face. It's a tribute to an old friend of mine. He's dead now, but man if he wasn't the baddest motherfucker on the planet."

in issue #6, when ghost was trekking through a jungle in the middle of nowhere attempting to kill roba (a drug lord that started this all, brainwashed soldiers to kill ghosts family), he was never caught. ghost himself, the narrator, says that "even for a single man to get through the jungle, the patrols, the wall, the security... well that man would have to be a ghost."

however, im still a little confused whether or not reboot ghost and 2009 have the same backstories. reboot ghosts mask is more realistic and his look is much more intimidating, his reason for wearing that kind of mask is probably psychological warfare (getting milena the financier to speak up about makarov). i think 2009 ghosts reason to wearing a mask is more personal compared to reboot.

BUT WHAT ABOUT AN S/O???

i think ghost is the guy to not have one in the first place. obviously. but i lowkey think if he had one and really liked them, he would commit. in fact i find it hard to imagine hes a player or isn’t serious about relationships. when his brother tommy got addicted to drugs and fucked up his life, simon quit the military until tommy got 100% better and married. yup. he stayed to help him recover, for years. thats how loving and committed this man is🥹🥹.

ghost would not cheat on his s/o. i can't stress how important this hc is, because it's so out of character for him to do so. sure, guys in the military statistically have higher divorce rates, incidences of infidelity, and much more red flag stuff, but knowing what happened to him, he would never do that. doesn't matter how stressed, lonely, sexually frustrated this man is; he would not cheat on his partner. this guy has been through far more stressful situations and got through it, you think hes gonna cheat because hes stressed because of work?

its not sunshine and rainbows or absolute toxicity being with him. it's not really a mix of both either. ghost isn't that princess treatment, super squishy and cuddly, sweet guy who likes fluffy stuff. he definitely isn't the toxic guy who leaves you with mixed signals either.

hes quite the gentleman when it comes to approaching relationships, hes seen how his dad treated his mom, and ghost wants to do the exact opposite. i believe ghost likes to use the traditional courting methods when dating someone: gifting flowers, paying for dates, holding the door open (ladies first typa guy!!), the old fashioned stuff. idk if i should point it out again but this guy DOES NOT FW modern dating practices, he wouldn't download dating apps, or start 'talking stages'. i dont think he would write love letters just because hes not very good at writing poetry or expressing his feelings in the first place.

theres still downsides to being with him. the long distance, the time being apart (months and months). but i dont think he'd go as far as being emotionally avoidant.

also something really random ive noticed is that 2009 and reboot ghost are very different, personality wise. i like to think that 2009 ghost represents simon riley much better, but the reboot ghost actually gives the essence and character of what a 'ghost' in the military is.

more random headcanons:

simon prefers dogs over cats because dogs are loyal and stay with you until the end (stereotypically)

hates snakes and spiders

probably wouldn’t do 50/50 on dates, he pays!

avoids saying manchester slang when deployed

drinks and smokes. not always. he’s disciplined but he still does that stuff.. hes a british guy in his 30s whos kinda depressed, grew up with adults around him smoking 24/7, whatd you think😀😀 (its canon that most of tf141 smoke anyway)

listens to 80’s rock music. its canon that his mom enjoys the band siouxsie and the banshees :)), he probs does too

shaves his beard

is actually confident hes not bad looking. dude, hes 6’2, in shape with a jawline🙄

i don't enjoy hcs of ghost being the scariest out of tf141 (appearance wise yes). but soap seems much more scary imo, he was the youngest guy to pass SAS selections in the history of the UK military, and was nicknamed soap because of fast and good he is at cleaning up 'messes' (basically killing people).

id arguably say ghost is the most compassionate out of 141, if we're talking about the OG 2009 one.

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kentoxo · 1 month ago

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friction | reader (f) x crush!nanami pt.14

pairing: reader (f) x crush!nanami

synopsis: [AU] you have always had a crush on nanami. since the day you were hired as his personal assistant, you've been right at his side combating numbers and making money within the finance department for the company you two worked for. but, things take a turn when nanami catches wind of your feelings, and rejects you. little did he know the weight of his mistake.

warnings: angst, heartbreak, sexual tension, jealousy (future smut)

a/n: AHHH IM BACK YALL, IM SO SORRY I WAS GONE. life was doing its thang, but i have returned! here is a nice, warm part in attempts to apologize for my absence xo this might not be checked for spelling or anything so pls forgive me. its late and i have a baby cold but i wanted this part to come out already!

all parts: pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4, pt.5, pt.6, pt.7, pt.8, pt.9, pt.10, pt.11, pt.12, pt.13,

December | Tokyo, Japan | Tuesday (after work)

“Haibara, he likes me!” You screech into your phone. Your pillow was at the mercy of your ecstatic chokehold. “The Nanami likes me!”

You had spent a good portion of your night talking with Haibara. He truly was the only one who you could share your excitement with, considering his friendship with Nanami. He was the only one who understood the stiff blonde and appreciated how you managed to sway his feelings. But, on that same note, he knew you pretty well and was the best at teasing you.

“You’re quite excited for someone who won’t give him a chance yet,” Haibara teases you. You frown at his words, hoping he’d react like you did. “Why don’t you just let him win you over already?”

“Because!” You reply sharply, jabbing your finger in the air. “He has to earn it, especially after what he’s put me through.”

Haibara lets out a sigh, “and if he decides to change his mind?”

You huff at his distasteful question, “he won’t.”

Haibara lets out a small snort, “didn’t realize you knew Nanami for as long as I have. My bad.”

Sucking your teeth, you sprawl your limbs out on your bed, your eyes distantly staring up at the ceiling, “you know I don’t know a whole lot about him… but he’s different towards me now. There’s something there that wasn’t there before.”

“Can’t argue with that one,” Haibara admits reluctantly. “I’ve never seen Kento act like this. He’s always been to himself.”

You smile triumphantly at his words, “it feels like I like him more because of that.”

“Don’t start,” Haibara taps at your confidence a bit. “Anyhow, let me leave you. I’m gonna order take out and watch a drama.”

You pout but nod to yourself, “thanks for the chat, Yu. Have a good night!”

“You as well, Y/N.” Click.

You toss your phone to the side, a wide smile lingering at your lips. Nanami has intentions to conquer you. And it wasn’t like you were going to deny him, despite prolonging his torture. He could write his confession and pass it to you like in grade school, and you’d still check the ‘yes’ box. Your stomach felt queasy at the thought of his re-attempt, considering his first confession still remained in your mind.

Albeit how that bad night went.

Inspired by Haibara (and the growling of your stomach), you get up to order yourself a bit of food as well. As you waited for the order, you fix up your hair so the delivery person didn’t think you were a hobbit. While you adjusted your face, your phone began to ring in your bedroom. You rush to fetch it, your stomach tossing with excitement for the food. But when you blindly picked up, Nanami’s raspy voice came into sound.

“Good evening, Y/N,” Nanami hums quietly, “how are you doing?”

You felt yourself stiffen, “a-ah, good evening, Nanami! I’m well– and yourself?”

“I’m doing well, thank you,” Nanami replies, his voice as smooth as butter. “What are you up to tonight?”

You awkwardly pull at your holiday PJs and smile embarrassingly to yourself, “‘m home. Just finished ordering some dinner. Is um, is there anything you need, Nanami?”

“Ah–” Nanami’s voice halts, the breath that follows filled with hesitance. “I didn’t want to alarm you, but I am at the lobby of your building.”

You jumped, goosebumps raising all along your arms. “U-um, can I ask why?”

“I, um…” Nanami’s voice streams off for a moment, heavy breathing ensuing. You assume it was because of the cold, and potentially the exhaustive walk over to your house. “It is a little embarrassing to admit, but my night is not going well.”

“Oh?” You were surprised. You’ve never seen too much of Nanami’s emotions until recently, upon his acknowledgment and confession of his newfound feelings for you. It was strange to hear the twinge of sadness in his voice, and his reticence to admit his woeful feelings. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is okay,” Nanami confirms, “but the thought to come see you felt right.”

A streak of red appears on your cheeks, “a-ah! Is that so…”

“Of course, feel free not to invite me in,” Nanami hums quickly, “I can understand the inappropriateness and suddenness of me appearing at your building. I apologize for springing this onto you.”

It’s true. You two were not dating, and weren’t near being official by any stretch. Nanami, just previously, was your boss, the person you looked up to. He signed your pay stubs and was the person who validated your work and relied on you to do his job well. He is not at the point to come to you and cry on your shoulder. It was simply the status quo not to do wifey things for someone who hasn’t even given you the title of girlfriend yet.

But, this was Kento Nanami we were talking about.

“Come upstairs,” you hum. You hang up, and look back to make sure your apartment was clean. Seeing that it was spotless, you quickly check yourself in the mirror, making sure your hair looks nice. Although you lamented not putting on at least some makeup, you were at that point in life where either he likes you as you are, or doesn’t and spares you that horror. You pull down your black sweatshirt, immediately realizing that it was not yours, but the one you borrowed from Tae.

You let out a sigh. You washed his sweatshirt with the rest of your laundry, and then just assumed it was yours as it was in the pile. You rush to the kitchen to make a note to return the sweatshirt. As you finished the sentence, a quiet knock was heard at your door. Your feet quietly tip tap over, gently unlocking everything. As you opened the door, you were met with a bag of food in your face.

“Hold this,” Nanami sounded, his large hand dangling the delicious smelling food before you. Your eyes lingered on Nanami, before looking over at the delivery man right behind him.

You quickly put the food on the coat rack, and bow at the delivery man, “let me grab the money, please give me a moment.” As you prepare your stride, a cold hand grabs your forearm. You turn around to look up at Nanami, who gives you a small smile.

“Don’t worry about it,” Nanami hums. He turns to the delivery man, takes out his wallet, and pulls out a large bill. “Thank you very much. Keep the change as your tip.” The delivery man beamed at his large tip, bowing contently at Nanami before rushing down the stairs.

You could only stare at Nanami, as he let go of your arm to let himself in. He locks the door behind him, and begins to strip off his winter garments. He was… wearing glasses. You ogled at him, your heart strings being pulled at. His jaw was clenched, his breathing getting used to the sudden warmth of your home. His hair was once again messy, his body ornate in comfy clothing, very contrasting to his usual office get up.

Nanami notices your eyes, and smirks, “never seen a blind man, Y/N?”

“A-ah, I’m sorry for staring,” you quickly apologize, “I don’t see you in glasses often.” A strand of his hair lands on his forehead.

“Ah, well,” Nanami’s entire body faces you entirely, and he pushes up his lens with his middle finger, “wearing contacts at night increases the risk of forgetting that they’re still on. I usually remove them the moment I get home.”

Here’s the Nanami you know best, “that’s a good point.”

You two stand in a bit of awkward silence before you look up at Nanami and gesture to the living room, “would you like a cup of tea?”

“That would be wonderful, thank you.”

He takes his seat on the couch while you bring your food over to the kitchen island. You quickly ignore it to put a water-filled kettle onto the stove. “Honey, sugar?”

“Hold on both, thank you,” Nanami hums.

You nod, quickly paying attention to your food. You look over at him awkwardly, “are you hungry? I had no idea that you would be coming, I would have ordered more food…”

Nanami quickly raises his hand, “please, my visit was completely unprecedented. You couldn’t have prepared for it.”

You quietly stare at him. You could see the distance in his eyes, his hands resting on his knees. One of his legs bounced with some sort of anxiety, his thumbs twiddling around one another. You noticed that he barely kept his gaze towards you, looking back down after each brief silence. It felt like there was a bubble around him that he wasn’t quite ready for you to pop yet.

With a small smile, you bring out two plates and carry it with the bag of takeout. You join him on the couch, and quickly begin to unbag your food. Nanami only watched as you began to divide your food in half. He quickly sits up and holds your forearm gently, stopping you from continuing. “There is no need, please enjoy your meal, Y/N.”

“Food always makes me feel better when I don’t really feel the best,” you hum quietly. You gently remove his hand from your arm and give him a curt smile. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

He looks at you, grimacing a bit. You squeeze his hand reassuringly before putting it down to continue separating the food, “I hope you like stir fry with rice, ‘cause that’s what I got.”

Nanami could only stare at you with awe. There was something there that he couldn’t quite explain. A feeling. A semblance of safety, and some sort of nostalgia. As you divided the food in your comfy clothes, he couldn’t help but feel like it should have always been this way. He watched as you cut up a few of the vegetables and meat, and added extra gravy to his plate.

“Y/N,” he starts with another futile attempt.

You look over at him and smiled, “I have soda and beer. Which do you fancy more?” As you waited for his answer, you noticed the food was just warm. “Ah, let me microwave these a bit.”

You carry the plates over to the kitchen and begin to microwave them, finding the opportunity to prepare his small cup of tea upon the boiling of the water. You prepare the herbs and bring it to him, the greens steeping in the water. He takes it from you gently, his eyes still glued to you as you go to the fridge and look over at him. “Have you decided?”

He blinks for a few moments, “a beer, if you don’t mind.”

You grab two beers and pop the caps with the bottle opener on your fridge. You join his side once again and place his beer on the available cup holder near him. Nanami’s hazel eyes stare at you, with your hand eagerly holding your beer, waiting to toast. He quickly puts the tea down and takes the beer in his hand, earning a few giggles from you.

“Are you anxious, Nanami?” You asked, your voice breathy. “I have some oils I can burn if it’ll help put you at ease.”

“No, no, it’s not that at all,” he begins quietly before he clinks his beer bottle with your own. You both take a swig. His Adam's apple protrudes alluringly, his bottom lip shining with the carbonated booze. “It’s just that…” Before he could finish, his eyes burned down at your sweatshirt.

You join him and look down, searching for a stain, “ah, did I spill something already? I just washed this, and it’s not even mine…”

“This isn’t your sweatshirt?” He had a hunch, but he wasn’t looking forward to being right.

You nod, “it’s Tae’s, the barista you hired? He lent it to me when I was starting to get that bad cold I got recently.”

“Ah.” It was the only word that came out of Nanami’s lips. He silently grabs your beer and puts both drinks down on the coffee table. As the ringing of the microwave sounded, you watched as Nanami stripped off his own sweatshirt (a beautiful navy blue shade) and put out one of his hands. You stare puzzled before you notice he begins to flick his middle finger, requesting the sweatshirt you were in.

Obediently, you strip the sweatshirt off, feeling your cheeks warm from the Hello Kitty shirt you had underneath. But Nanami pays it no mind, his hazel eyes unwavering as he fixes his sweatshirt before pulling it over your head. He lets go, allowing you to pull down the sweatshirt. The immediate smell of green tea and hinoki wood intoxicates you, the scent of Nanami taking you over. You could get drunk from his smell, unable to contain the feelings in your heart.

“Please feel free to ask me for warmth whenever you are cold,” Nanami instructs, his eyes satisfied with your new look. He reaches over your face, and pushes a strand of loose hair to the back of your ear. “This color suits you nicely.”

You can feel your face go completely hot, “y-yeah?”

“I’d like to see you wear my dress shirts someday,” he says with a cheeky smile. You then jump, your face completely flushed. Nanami searches your face, confused by your reaction. But he quickly bites his tongue, realizing his words slowly. “A-ah, I’m sorry Y/N– that was highly inappropriate.”

“It’s fine! I think the food is ready!” You escape by rushing over to the microwave, slowly bringing over two steaming plates of food. You put both plates down and retrieve the remaining plastic utensils and condiments from the bag. Fixing his plate, you quickly gesture to his plate, giving him the go to eat.

As he picks up the plate and fork, you quickly grab a few napkins from the bag and place it by him on the table. “I hope it’s not too hot,” you murmur quietly as you pick up your own plate. “I’ll wait for you to eat if you want it to cool down a little.”

Nanami shakes his head, a small chuckle escaping his lips, “I can eat hot food, Y/N, don’t you worry.”

“I have to worry about you, Nanami,” you say simply, “can’t do much about it now.”

In this turn, Nanami felt his own heart skip a beat or two. He couldn’t help but stare at you adoringly. Despite not being able to talk about his woes, you didn’t force it out of him either. He never realized the power of companionship until he was here, eating half of your full meal, in your extremely warm apartment while you were in your PJs. He had always thought ethereal women always remained in the books of fairy tales. But then here you were, eating your food with your plate almost a little too close to your face so you didn’t spill and soil his sweater.

“Mm!” You hummed with a mouth full of food. Quickly chewing and swallowing, you looked up at Nanami, “please tell me how much you gave the delivery man. Let me pay you back before you go.”

Nanami looks down at you and shakes his head, silently turning to his food to begin eating. “Technically I am eating the food, therefore I owe for the meal as well.”

You snort, “I offered you half, Nanami. So with your logic, I owe you half.”

Nanami puts his plate down quietly. He picks up a napkin and dabs his lips clean before taking a swig of his beer. “Y/N, every time I come to your home, there seems to be a trend where bad things happen.”

You look at him, your expression puzzled, “how do you mean?”

“As in, every time I’ve come to visit, something unexpected happens, typically leading to something unideal for you,” Nanami says quietly.

“Ah, please don’t say that,” you say in a sad tone, “it’s purely coincidence that everything has happened the way it has.”

“Right, but now I think it’s true,” Nanami hums, looking over at you. There was an unwavering seriousness in his expression, his hazel eyes warm yet convincing. “It’s nothing bad, truly, but it is quite dangerous.”

“What is?” You reply in a whisper.

He leans over to you, his face beside yours, “my feelings for you are developing in such a way where I might accidentally skip a step or two in this relationship.”

“H-huh?” You let out in a stammer.

He backs away, but takes your hands into his own. He gives your hands a light squeeze, his smile capable of curing all woes you could have. “I have no intentions to rush this relationship,” Nanami begins, “once I make you mine, my intentions are to go at your pace completely. But I need you to understand that my feelings for you have progressed further than the current state of our relationship.”

You eye him, feeling your face burn to a crisp. “A-are you trying to s-say that you…” Your eyes fall down to your legs, your heart unable to take this much feeling in the air.

Nanami quickly chuckles, “maybe not that far, but I’m realizing now that I really do need you in my life. Because if you can make me feel better without addressing my sadness directly, then I believe I’ve always needed you in my life.”

You felt your mind go stupid, your heart going into emotional cardiac arrest. “Nanami… anybody would do this for the person they care about.” Your voice was weak, quiet. You were always ready to undermine yourself. But Nanami will never be taken by it.

“Right, but I’m glad I’m being cared about by you,” Nanami hums, “I don’t care about anybody when my eyes and heart are set on you.”

You weren’t sure what was in the air, but considering Nanami’s hold on your hands and his adoration-filled eyes, you weren’t prepared for what was going to happen next.

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ofpd · 3 months ago

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1st century roman siege of jerusalem dashboard simulator

🐮 barkamtza

why does this shit always happen to me

#oh my goddd the ONE time it seems like people actually wanna hang out with me. #turns out they meant to invite kamtza instead #everyone hates me and i was SO fucking nice i offered to pay for the party #god i'm so pathetic. kms kms kms #they're gonna pay for this i swear #delete later

0 notes

📜 zekharya-ben-avkolas

Ok so obv it's not ok to sacrifice a blemished calf but the blemish is just on the eyelid? So maybe it's ok? But also and i don't want people to start going around thinking that it's ok to sacrifice blemished animals. But the thing is that if i don't bar Kamtza will tell the Romans we insulted them and that will be bad probably. And like no one likes bar Kamtza anyway will people really miss him..... but ugh neither of these seem like good things to do i don't feel like it's my place to make a decision about this :/

32 notes

🏛 vespasian reblogged

🏺neronero

off to war wish me luck! 🇲🇪🏹

🏺neronero

nvm guys. ✡️✡️

🏛 vespasian

my turn lol

53 notes

🧑🏽‍🦳 not-an-airport reblogged

🧑🏽‍🦳 not-an-airport

Hey everyone! These are difficult times, and some friends and I have put together some mutual aid resources for our community to have access to wheat, barley, wine, salt, oil, and wood! More info below the cut. Take care of yourselves! 🫶

🧑🏽‍🦳 not-an-airport

fuck

7,235 notes

⚔️ biryonei-yerushalayim

anonymous asked:

Hey, I'm trying to ask this in good faith, and I hope you can take it that way. how can you possibly defend burning our grain stores. I understand that you want to radicalize more people but you're taking things too far. Jerusalem's blood is on your hands.

anon, what you need to understand is that the blame for the carnage in jerusalem lies primarily in the hands of the roman invaders and secondarily in the hands of the rabbis for refusing to resist. would you have told the hashmonaim not to resist their oppressors by any means necessary? just because this is getting inconvenient for you doesn't mean we shouldn't be doing it. it's frankly offensive that you'd imply that we, the defenders of jerusalem, should incur any blame for her current state.

#biryonim.answer #grain storage discourse

231 notes

🛡 goel-yisrael

did anyone else see the "zealot blocklist" going around lmaooo

#how do these liberals expect anyone to take them seriously #do they not have anything better to do.

7 notes

�� stammaim reblogged

stopbeingpoor-deactivated3830102

ughh why is my servant so incompetent! i deserve the best flour why doesn't he get it...

stopbeingpoor

ykw i'll go get some myself. i'm desperate at this point i gotta do something

stopbeingpoor

EWWWW update: i stepped in something NASTY. this is why i don't fucking go out oh my god im gonna die

stopbeingpoor

gonna throw my gold & silver away for the good of the peasants or whatever it's not like it's any use to me when im literally dying -_-

📚 stammaim

lmao look at this it's exactly what yehezkel was talking about! ur gold won't save you!

#yehezkel #marta b. baitos

162 notes

🕎 yalla-hapoel

🌿 amicus-iudaeorum asked:

Hey, love your posts! They're very informative about the Jewish perspective on this war. I'm just wondering whether you condemn the actions of the zealots? I don't really feel comfortable following someone who supports that.

are you fr.

#if youre seriously concerned about this idt this is the blog for you i fear

28 notes

🛡 goel-yisrael reblogged

📖 ben-zakkai

⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️ lol

🛡 goel-yisrael

? what does this mean

🗡 abbasikkara

dw about it bestie

🛡 goel-yisrael

ok 💗 yay 💗

6 notes

👩🏽‍🌾 discoursedumpblog

I've compiled a list of some of the most rabid zealots on this website. Remember, don't engage, just block and move on.

152 notes

🏛 vespasian reblogged

🏛 vespasian

some jew got an audience with me & called me king (im literally not lol thats so disrespectful to the actual king + if i was king then he shouldve met w me much earlier??), i think i should kill him

🏛 vespasian

AND my shoe is being so annoying. horrible day 👎

📖 ben-zakkai

omg just came across this old post

🏛 vespasian

OMG sorry i don't mean it anymore 🙏

14 notes

🫒 a-simple-yid

yirmiyahu tzadak...

#not to pretentiously quote tanakh but literally like. #hashiveinu hashem eilekha venashuva hadeish yameinu kekedem.

3 notes

#this doesnt make sense in terms of timeline of course. esp bc i mention the stammaim. but it's ok #long post #jumblr #txt #this is all entirely gemara-based tbc. gittin 55b–56b #you all better appreciate the effort that went into this

363 notes · View notes

harrysgal · 8 months ago

Text

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (1)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

I posted this yesterday but I wanted to change a few things so I deleted it and now I’m posting it again lol it’s long but I still hope people like it!

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 1) — MEET YN

liked by bestfriend, yourbrother, and 60 others

yourinstagram here’s to a new year and new beginnings :)

view all 6 comments

bestfriend love youuuu bestfriend im so happy to have you back!!

↳ yourinstagram pls don’t let me choose a bf ever again ↳ bestfriend don’t worry. single squad for life ↳ bestfriend or until one of us gets married lol ↳ yourinstagram 😂 love you!!

Jan 5, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by bestfriend, yourbrother, and 75 others

yourinstagram can you believe just three months ago this gal was heartbroken, unemployed, and out of dreams? guess the world reallyyyyy spins around, huh 😜

view all 8 comments

bestfriend yes it doesss bestfriend now the universe is giving back what she deservessssss yourbrother i think i liked you better when you had no social life

↳ yourinstagram 😂 omg fuck off ↳ yourbrother if this is the language you use around my children i’m never letting you babysit again ↳ yourinstagram 😔 stop that’s not funny

Feb 10, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by sisterinlaw, bestfriend, and 60 others

yourinstagram got myself a camera and a dream (plus an empty bank account)

view all 7 comments

yourmom Are you OK? Do you need money? x

↳ yourinstagram im okay mom :) love you ↳ yourbrother my bank account is empty too

bestfriend can’t wait to be your +1 at the academy awards

Feb 26, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by yourbrother, bestfriend, and 85 others

yourinstagram step aside pls your girl just posted her first video on youtube and is now one step closer from becoming a filmmaker ✌🏻

view all 13 comments

bestfriend THAT’S MY BESTIE sisterinlaw Loved it!! 💋 yourmom I miss you. Give me a call x yourmom Also you should post pictures of your face x

↳ yourinstagram 😂💗

childhoodfriend Nice to see you still love telling stories, haha great video!

↳ yourinstagram oh my gosh it’s been a while! 🥺 thank youuu let’s catch up soon

Mar 19, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by yourbrother, bestfriend, and 167 others

yourinstagram life lately

view all 23 comments

user1 just watched your video on youtube about growing up and i’m in tears! you’re soooo talented

↳ yourinstagram omg that’s so sweet thank you so much :’)

yourbrother why bothering buying a camera if you’re going to steal mine

↳ yourinstagram i didn’t steal it ↳ yourbrother but you also didn’t give it back yet did you?

user2 Loving your content!!

April 10, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by bestfriend, anotherfriend, and 319 others

yourinstagram hellooooo i just posted another video :D even tho she’s not physically in it, i must admit our 20+ years together completely inspired this one. thank you for being there for me. i’m very lucky to call you my best friend and i love you 💗 hope you enjoy it!

view all 25 comments

bestfriend i cant rn i’ll be back when i stop crying user1 amazing!!! another great video! loved everything about it, left me thinking and wondering about lots of things. i’m blown away by how talented you are.

↳ yourinstagram you’re so sweet 🥺 thank you, it means more than you can imagine!

yourmom Lovely girls 🥰 user3 This was my favorite so far!

April 21, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by bestfriend, sisterinlaw and 512 others

yourinstagram got my first paycheck and went out shopping

(ps: remember when my ex freaked out bc he didn’t want me to buy harrys album? lol here’s to you pal) (fine line you’ll be next i promise!)

view all 57 comments

bestfriend harry styles album listening party tonight

↳ yourinstagram as if we don’t already listen to it everyday lol

user1 you’re so real for this lol user1 also wtf? why didn’t he want you to buy the album?

↳ yourinstagram bc he was jealous and insecure ↳ bestfriend jealous that you’d bump into harry someday, mention you bought his album and he’d fall in love with you ↳ yourinstagram lol talk about delusional ↳ bestfriend he just knew your potential ↳ user1 😂😂😂

yourbrother so YOU are the reason why my daughter is suddenly obsessed? user5 Omg didn’t know you’re also a harry fan! What’s your favorite song?

↳ yourinstagram sign of the times always and forever

May 6, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by bestfriend, yourmom and 750 others

yourinstagram just me and my little camera conquering the world ❤️ lol no but srsly, i know it’s only been a month since i posted my first video on youtube but so far ive had suchhhh a great time working hard to make my dreams come true :’) i sometimes fear my content isn’t much or isn’t professional enough, so the feedback i’ve been getting truly warms my heart and puts a smile on my face! thank you. thank you. thank you.

view all 86 comments

bestfriend ❤️❤️❤️ yourbrother why are you still living in 2020?

↳ yourinstagram why are you so annoying?

yourmom We’re very proud sweetheart x

↳ yourinstagram wouldn’t have done anything without your support! love you ❤️

user1 your content is AMAZING! the way you bring little stories to each video has me obsessed

↳ yourinstagram i love telling stories so much!! im happy you enjoy them!

user3 Honestly you’re one of the most creative people I’ve come across lately. The way you approach each topic with so much honesty and tell real life stories while not really including people in your shots is incredible!

↳ yourinstagram omg thank you so so much! this means the world me!

May 6, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by bestfriend, sisterinlaw and 910 others

yourinstagram hiii i just posted a new video on youtube and im really nervous about it lol this is really different from the others + a little longer, but also the most special so far. it includes a very memorable moment we lived as a family just a couple weeks ago so i trulyyyy hope you enjoy it! lmk your thoughts plssss

view all 103 comments

user1 i just sent this video to everyone i know. i feel like i say this every time but this one is my favorite yet!! you’re so talented i want to live inside your brain

↳ yourinstagram hahahha you’re the best thank you sooooo much for your constant support!

bestfriend ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS WAS MY FAVORITE ONE SO FAR bestfriend pls take me to a concert and make a short film of me dancing to my favorite songs too 😭 i beg you!!!!

↳ yourinstagram let’s do it! ed sheeran? beyonce? harry styles? ↳ bestfriend YES ↳ yourinstagram yes it’s not an answer lol you were supposed to pick one

user8 👏👏👏 you’ve outdone yourself with this one! user4 You’re so real about this one! My mom LOVES Shania Twain too and the day she saw her live for the first time was exactly like this! She just turned into a fangirl all over again haha

May 27, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

user2 Hey there. I’m so happy youtube just recommended this to me. I’m in love with your content! So creative and touching. I’m definitely going back to binge all your other videos now. I was just wondering, though, is this your real family? I’m only asking because from the way you tell the story it feels so much like watching a movie that it made me wonder if they were actors following a script 😅 hope you don’t take it the wrong way. Have a good one!

↳ youryoutube hiii thank you so much for watching and for being so respectful and polite about your comment! 😊 this is my own family, yes! i actually wasn’t planning on filming this, but my brother and i took my mom to see shania twain (who’s like, her favorite artist of all times!) and i woke up inspired to make a little video about it. i’m really glad you enjoyed it, and i’m actually really flattered by your question, because this was the first time i didn’t script a video at all and was really afraid in the end it wouldn’t come up the way i wanted to. so thank you!! ↳ user2 Oh, wow! Thanks so much for taking the time to answer me. That’s really interesting to know. Loved how you managed to capture the emotions without actually exposing anyone. I also enjoyed how this isn’t just a “vlog”, if that makes sense. It truly feels like an actual story with beginning, middle and end (I mean, there’s even some drama in it!). So cheers to you! Can’t wait to see what else you’ll come up with in the future. ↳ youryoutube THANK YOU! oh my goodness that’s exactly what i’m always going for :’) thank you, thank you!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by bestfriend, yourbrother and 3,614 others

yourinstagram hello????? i just woke up to the news that the one and only queen and goddess shania twain watched my video????? and shared it?????? what the hell it’s happening?????

view all 245 comments

yourbrother thought you were going to expose mom losing it on our gc haha bestfriend I’M COMING OVER WE’RE FUCKING CELEBRATING user1 😍😍😍 yesssss love to see you getting bigger and bigger!! user18 omg that video was so cute!! also love your aesthetic user14 your mom’s excitement was the sweetest it left me in tears harryfan say 🙋‍♀️ if you’re here because gemma shared her video

↳ harryfan2 🙋‍♀️ ↳ harryfan3 🙋‍♀️

Jun 1, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by bestfriend, anotherfriend and 5,875 others

yourinstagram good morning?? is life even real??

last week was sooo insane omg im still over the moon and also so happy reading everyone’s reaction to my mom’s dream coming true 🥺 everyone’s just so sweet and kind! thank you!! i wish i could spend the entire day around just chatting and celebrating, but today is a big and busy day for me so wish me luck im really gonna need it

view all 541 comments

bestfriend remember there was a time when i used to be the first and only to like your posts? :’) user1 good luck!! user4 Can’t wait for your next video! user9 I THINK I JUST HEARD YOUR INTERVIEW ON THE RADIO??

↳ user10 Yesss. I was driving to work and I heard that too haha ↳ user3 omg what did she talk about? ↳ user9 ＠user3 they were basically asking about the video/her mom. she explained that it was a really spontaneous thing and that she wasn’t planning on doing more of those but after seeing everyone’s reaction she’s changing her mind. oh, she also mentioned she never expected shania to see her video and that she still doesn’t know how it got to her in the first place!

Jun 8, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by anotherfriend, cuteguy and 6,513 others

yourinstagram quick life update: got a part-time job. moved to a new apartment. completed my harry styles album collection. went on a date with a cute guy. posted another video.

so far no complaints. 300/10.

view all 617 comments

bestfriend can’t believe ‘went out for dinner with my best friend’ didn’t make the cut

↳ yourinstagram sorry that’s bts content

user5 Your last video was amazing!! So were the last two before that!! Totally feel like you found yourself in the music field

↳ user1 omg i totally agree! i can totally see this becoming a series or something like this ↳ yourinstagram ohhhh i love the idea!! :)

harryfan any chance this cute guy was harry styles himself?

↳ yourinstagram 😂😂😂 minus 100% chances

user3 Is this part time job film related maybe?

↳ yourinstagram i wish :( needed a normal part time job to pay for my dream job actually lol

harryfan2 omg which one of his albums did you get?

↳ user5 she already has self titled so she must’ve gotten fine line now

June 25, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by bestfriend, cuteguy and 8,315 others

yourinstagram sorry i havent been here the past few days but i was busy playing hide and seek with my niblings (i just found out there’s a word for niece + nephew btw. how cool is that?!!)

view all 732 comments

harryfan girl tell me why i came here to watch one video and never left? :’)

↳ user1 lol same!! she’s great isn’t she?

yourbrother i hope you know you’ll be the one buying your goddaughter a ticket for that harry styles boy

↳ harryfan2 “that harry styles boy” lol excuse me sir? ↳ yourinstagram you’re about to get soooooo dragged and all im gonna do is sit here and watch lol ↳ sisterinlaw I’m sitting here, too!!

user4 your posts always brighten up my day 😍

July 3, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by cuteguy, yourmom and 11,798 others

yourinstagram i can’t believe there are so many people watching me post stuff like this lol i don’t really know how to behave and i get easily embarrassed so if you don’t mind i’ll just pretend we are no more than 5 friends just hanging out okay? thanks!!

btw wanted to share that we took my niece to see ariana grande so…… guess what??? new video will be up tomorrow :D this one is once again a little bit different from the others idk im always trying new things so let’s see if it works!!

view all 931 comments

cuteguy 😍 bestfriend when is it going to be my turn? :(( user3 omg can’t wait!!! will we finally get to meet your niece??

↳ yourinstagram nooo:( i don’t feel comfortable sharing them on the internet. that’s also why you’ll see this video is kinda from a parents perspective? idk how to explain with words you gotta watch it to see it haha ↳ user2 we love a respectful and mindful woman 💪

harryfan can’t wait for the day you see harry omg i just know that will be the best video ever

↳ harryfan3 right like so many fandoms have been getting these incredible videos i’m so jealous

July 12, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by yourinstagram, bestfriend, sisterinlaw and 4,339,032 others

harrystyles LOVE ON TOUR will be going out across the USA this September and I could not be more excited for these shows. I love you all so much. I’m very excited, and I can’t wait to see you. H

view all 100,888 comments

bestfriend ＠yourinstagram 🤭 harryfan ＠yourinstagram THIS IS IT DO YOUR THING PLS I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT user2 OMG ARE WE FINALLY GETTING A SHORT MOVIE??? SAY YES PLS OMG ＠yourinstagram user7 i feel like if yn doesn’t take ＠bestfriend to at least one show there will be blood 😂

↳ bestfriend ＠yourinstagram see? everyone knows it should happen ↳ yourinstagram ＠bestfriend STOP WE’RE SO FUCKING DOING THIS ↳ harryfan AIDHASASJDBAJHAJH I’M SO EXCITD

July 14, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by cuteguy, anotherfriend and 14,513 others

yourinstagram had a reallyyyyy huge meeting today and i was losing my shit so this really cute guy took me out for a coffee :D

(new video’s up!!! hope you enjoy it!)

view all 1,007 comments

user4 are you guys sharing a piece of cake? stop that’s so sweet :( user8 omg she has a bf?? but what about harry?? lol

↳ harryfan7 THAT’S WHAT I SAID!! she was supposed to go to his show so he could see her in the crowd and fall in love 😩 ↳ harryfan12 lol please harry doesn’t even know who she is. also maybe don’t be disrespectful to the guy she’s actually dating? ↳ user8 ＠harryfan12 it was just a choke chill out lol

user1 can’t wait for the new video!!! (also… important meeting??? 👀)

July 29, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by bestfriend, mollyjane_x, cuteguy and 17,283 others

yourinstagram i dont think you guys will ever understand how much you watching and spreading the word about my videos has changed my life. it hasnt been even even six months since i started posting on youtube and yet it feels like i’ve lived four years so far. thank you soooo much for deciding to join this ride with me!

also, so much is happening rn that i feel like i need to sort some things out and reorganize myself. so there’ll be a new video up tonight, and then i’ll be taking a short break before releasing any new content. it won’t be long, just a couple of weeks that will mostly be used to feed my creativity once again lol (and also to plan and script some exciting new projects!!)

i hope you stay around and wait for me. i’ll see you back really soon 💗

view all 1,345 comments

sisterinlaw 💗 user1 take all the time we need we’ll be here waiting for you!! <3 user3 you deserve all this sooo much!! harryfan7 i see you molly 👀

↳ harryfan11 no bc how are you even a harry fan and don’t absolutely freak out when harry’s creative director likes your post?? ↳ harryfan8 also his manager following her??? i mean what are the chances of being just a coincidence?

bestfriend i love youuu and i’m so freaking proud of you 💗 user4 I’ll miss your content because it always puts a smile on my face, but I totally understand and can’t wait to see what’s next!

Aug 13, 2021 •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by cuteguy, mollyjane_x, gemmastyles and 19,107 others

yourinstagram so……. i kinda quit my part time job to start this other full time job? which is now finally related to something i truly love?? 😅 oh god!! i dont even know what to say. all i know is that im about to start the craziest adventure of my life and even tho im about to board the plane i still cant believe it is ACTUALLY happening. again, thank you so much for spreading the word about my videos and for being so kind about them. thank you for deciding i was worth your time every week. im only here right now bc you gave me the chance in the first place so thank you thank you thank you!

i’ll share more details as soon as i can (and when i’m sure i wont jinx it lol) but for now, THANK YOU!

view all 1,501 comments

cuteguy have fun, call me when you land 😘 harryfan you’re going to the LOT and nobody can convince me otherwise!!

↳ user4 why wouldn’t she just say it, tho? ↳ harryfan idk she normally never shares she’s going to a show anyway she just posts the video later 🤷

harryfan8 the fact that molly and jeff followed her and now molly likes all of her posts can’t be random. also she quitting her job and traveling the same day so many from harry’s crew are traveling?

↳ harryfan2 AND GEMMA LIKING THIS POST? WHY IS PEOPLE SILENT ABOUT THIS?????

harryfan7 gemma liked this post but she doesn’t even follow her??? bestfriend i miss you already can’t wait to visit you!! user1 im so excited whatever it is you deserve it so much!!!!

Aug 25, 2021 •

— — — — —

PART 2: LAS VEGAS

— — — — —

I’m not hopeful people will read and enjoy this, but if you happen to do so pls let me know? :( thanks!!

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles social media au #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles #harry styles smau #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry edward styles #harry styles writing #harry x reader #harry styles fake instagram #harry styles fake ig #harry styles fake social media #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x you #harry styles blurb #harry styles one shot

490 notes · View notes

seongclb · 1 year ago

Text

— enhypen reaction to you hugging a plush to sleep !

bf!enha x reader, established relationship au, fluff & no warnings :)

another reaction because they’re easy to write and i don’t wanna be completely ia also soz these get shorter and more repetitive

♫ un-thinkable by alicia keys

( scenario desc ) —

when you’re invited to a sleepover with your boyfriend and his friend group, excitement washes over you since you’re aware of the numerous fun activities they get up to. as expected, the night is full of laughter and games until your boyfriend offers to cuddle with you to sleep but notices you prefer the embrace of a stuffed animal which he is not going to let happen.

𖠗 이희승 | lee heeseung.

“y/n, you ready for bed?”

he’ll be so excited: you’re in his clothes and in his bed like this is gonna be the best nights sleep of his life

until, you open your bag and pull out an animal

at first, he doesn’t question it since he thinks you need it for comfort

but he didn’t think you needed to hold it .. like he’s there for a reason

he’s probably spooning you and realises there’s some teddy in your arms

“y/n, why is there a teddy in your arms?”

“oh, this? this is mr cuddles. he’s my sleep buddy - i’ve had him since i was eight!”

literally scoffs, “well, it’s time to get rid of him.”

tells you he’s here now and there’s no reason to be holding some stuffed toy and tries his best not the chuck the toy off the bed.

is so happy when you put it to the side and try hugging him instead

when he wakes up and sees you sleeping so well that there’s drool on the corner of your lips, he feels so accomplished

𖠗 박종성 | park jongseong.

bc this would be your first time sleeping in the same bed as you, his goal is to ensure you’re comfortable first

makes sure you pick everything to your preference

including the blanket, the pillow and which of his pyjamas you like the most

almost buries you in the blanket since he’s worried you’ll get cold and sick

it’s summer ???

later in the night, he notices you’re holding one of your plush toys

can’t sleep because he’s so bothered about you hugging this teddy

doesn’t want to wake you up so he waits until morning

“y/n, why do you sleep with a plush?”

you tell him how you’re just used to it and now you can’t sleep without it

“hmmm this won’t do at all”

now has a rule that whenever you sleep next to him, you have to hold him

also replaces your plush with one that he bought and sprays it with his perfume that you ofc have chosen from his collection

if he’s not there to hold you to sleep, then at least you can smell and think of him

𖠗 심재윤 | sim jaeyun.

wouldn’t have it at all

cuddles are like his fave thing ever

esp with you

so how DARE you decide to cuddle something else

is in the middle of laughing about it but also showing he’s so hurt

“y/n, i’m way better than that stupid plush”

“JAKE, DONT CALL HIM STUPID”

rolls his eyes and sulks

doesn’t understand why u won’t at least try

eventually he gets his way bc who can stand to see jake not smiling 24/7

has you literally locked in his arms so you can’t move

hides the plush from you

also would get you a plush and say that you can hug yours and his child to sleep

jake’s way or no way

will hug layla to sleep instead if you decide to bring your teddies again

𖠗 박성훈 | park sunghoon.

is secretly fuming

but can’t contain it in

when he sees it, he’ll immediately think the worst

“what’s that?”

you explain you need it to help you sleep

thinks about it for a while and doesn’t say anything

“hoon, you okay??” he has a pout on his lips and his brows are furrowed

“yep.”

asks about your plush, while insulting it, “where’d you get that stupid toy anyway” “how long have you had that pathetic teddy”

soon you get a bit sad and insecure about needing a teddy to help you sleep which he notices

“y/nnnn, im sorry im just annoyed that you wanna sleep with this teddy instead of me”

so you decide to cuddle to sleep

definitely kicks it off the bed with a proud smile on his face

𖠗 김선우 | kim sunoo.

offended

is literally in a mood after you say it’s your sleeping buddy

like that’s his role as your boyfriend now..

acts like you betrayed him

“don’t talk to me. you’re a snake” “SUNOO”

faces the other way to sleep

refuses to talk to you

until he feels your arms wrap around him

and then he turns around with a big smile on his face

“i knew you couldn’t resist”

makes it his mission to make sure you rely on only him to be able to sleep

says it’s basically cheating if you’re relying on another sleeping buddy

“like why am i not ur one and only sleeping buddy”

u have to make it up to him with hugs + a spa night

𖠗 양정원 | yang jungwon

wont tell you that it bothers him

but jungwon eyes

they just make it too obvious like why are they glinting and everything they’re literally just ;( like this

who wouldn’t be able to tell when he’s not showing his dimples on full display

anyway ur js like “what’s wrong”

and hes like “hmph nothing”

BUT HES SULKINGGG and although he looks so cute u js can’t have ur baby acting like this

so u wrap ur arms around him but he light pushes you off

and ur like .. woah this is new

but u realise it’s bc of this teddy

after speaking to him, jungwon declares that this teddy is his competition

now he makes this inanimate object compete with him for everything

video games, races, who can cook you better breakfast etc

there will never be an end

𖠗 西村力 | nishimura riki

he’s simply gonna hide the plush or teddy from you

and he’ll utilise his height bc hello who the hell is gonna find anything

the guy can probably hide things in the clouds and you wouldn’t know

anyway if you ever do find it

he’ll punch it

or throw it across the room

and stomp off in a puff

bc ur his baby and ur prioritising this silly teddy

this teddy is banned from sleepovers with riki

he says it takes out the fun from ur silly sleepovers

eventually you don’t need it anymore so you don’t bring it

that’s the happiest he’s ever been

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azsazz · 3 months ago

Text

Dead by Dawn (Part 17)

Azriel x Cassian x Reader

Summary: Zombie!AU: It’s been a while since the end of the world.

Warnings: Blood, gore, injury, graphic depictions of violence, poly!relationship, slow burn, undead, death,

Word Count: 3058

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16)

Notes: heyyyy what do you know, i found it in me to get this part out. im proud.

_________________________________________

Day 195 Part 3

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

You never been one to throw caution to the wind, but with what sits before you, the urge is strong.

Animals were one of the first things to go when disease swept across the world, which is why it’s so difficult not to pick up the juicy chicken breast that’s steaming on the plate in front of you, and completely ravage it.

Your mouth waters at the sight. There are greens, too. A blend of spinach and vegetables cooked to perfection in animal fat. It’s the first real meal you’ve seen in…fuck you don’t even know how long it’s been since you’ve seen real meat like this, nor food that wasn’t expired and from a can.

The only thing keeping your restraint in place is your companions' determination. The sprinkle of common sense that hasn’t fizzled into a ravenous beast at the scent of your meal is easy to overlook, but Azriel’s menacing presence beside you isn’t. His back is ramrod straight in his own seat, and the food doesn’t seem to be affecting him in the slightest. He’s undeterred by their taunts. Instead, his woody eyes drink in your surroundings for the umpteenth time, as if there might be a hint as to what’s really going on here.

On your other side, you’re flanked by Cassian, who does look like he’s struggling to keep himself from sinking his teeth into the juicy thigh on his plate, however little it might be. It’s more than he’s had to eat in days, months, and he wants it so fucking badly.

In fact, no one’s touching their food, which is a red flag of itself, but your head is swimming at the smells, your stomach a mess of knots that loosen at the idea of food, and tighten at the thought of where your best friend could be.

You’re also a little afraid, if you’re being honest, of getting sick should you eat something this…real after having gone so long without.

Nesta watches you from across the table with a piercing stare. There’s a malice you’ve become accustomed to being fed in the little time you’ve known her. You understand that she’s worried for her sister, out there with little protection, but you’re worried too. You feel as if Feyre is your sister as well. You’ve been winning your own little war against the undead for too long to remember.

At her side is who you can only decern to be her lover, Eris. You ponder their relationship, what you saw in the woods. Perhaps they’re nothing more than companions, but with the way the auburn-haired man keeps stealing glances at her, worry etched in his brow, you know there must be more.

The chair beside Eris is filled with a near clone of him. They have twin eyes and looks of caution on their fox-shaped faces. The unnamed man wears his hair long down his back, a single braid hangs down the side of his face. It’s not a nice one, practiced, but messy, like whoever put it there was distracted more often than not during styling. The only differentiator is the color of their skin, because even the shape of their eyes and their stature is eerily similar. It’s clear that they are nothing like their scumbag of a father, and the thought of Beron alone makes you shiver in your seat.

There’s an empty seat beside him, and you can’t help the stab of guilt you feel at the sight of it. You don’t know if they’ve lost someone important to their little unit they have going on here, or if there’s a reason for the unoccupied seat.

Cassian’s stomach growls loudly, breaking the terse silence.

“Everything is safe to eat, I can assure you,” Eris mentions after clearing his throat. Nesta shoots him a look that could make even a zombie cower, but he must be used to it because he takes the betraying look with grace, gently settling a palm onto her lap.

Nesta doesn’t shove it away like you expect her to. Instead, her lips go razor thin. The pair stare at each other so intensely that you feel like you’re intruding on something monumental.

Eventually, Nesta breaks. With a sharp inhalation, she turns her gaze to you. She doesn’t look happy, but at least she doesn’t look like she wants to reach across the table and maul you for losing her sister.

“Eat,” she all but demands. She cringes, grits her teeth, and adds like the words are truly poison in her mouth, “Please.”

“You’ll excuse us if we don’t trust you,” Azriel replies curtly. Your eyes soften as they land on him, even if his gaze is trained on your hosts. Weeks ago, he’d been wary of you, and now he’s here protecting you from the outsiders that are holding you captive.

You’ve never been so thankful for him, and you remind yourself to thank him for it later.

“Don’t eat, then.” Nesta shrugs as if his words don’t bother her in the slightest. Your whereabouts of Feyre seem to have caught her off guard because right now she is the perfect poise of excellence. Her nature could give any queen a run for their crown.

She’s the first one to dig into her meal. She uses the cutlery as if they’re weapons, tearing into the meat with a force that has you praying to any higher being that Feyre and Rhys are on their way to you, because you do not want to be on the other end of Nesta’s knife.

Your eyes flicker back down to your plate, to the shiny silverware placed on either side of your plate. Hell, you’re not even sure you remember how to use them anymore, with how long you’ve had to make do on the road.

“Please, eat,” Eris counters with a stern look that doesn’t affect Nesta in the slightest. Eris motions to his brother and they both pick up their forks, as if trying to show you everything is okay.

“I don’t trust the animals, either,” Azriel responds.

“How about the vegetables, then?” Eris offers, and you think you catch a glint of pleading in his amber eyes. You think he’s trying to keep things civil and calm for Nesta’s sake. You’re sure she’s worried to pieces about her littlest sister out there when the sun is so close to hiding away for another night of hell. “The animals are perfectly healthy, though I assure you the food will not go to waste if you don’t eat it.”

“How are they safe?” Cassian questions, grimacing down at the meat. You know that he out of everyone in your little group needs it the most. You’ve seen his protruding ribs only yesterday, and with him being the biggest in your group, he needs the nutrients more than anyone.

A sudden urge of protectiveness washes over you. You want him safe and healthy, want both him and Azriel safe and happy, and you wish more than anything that you could give it to them.

Only time will tell.

Eris gives a very diplomatic response. “My family has owned this land for generations,” he starts, and you don’t like to think of how he is Beron’s son. It makes all of the desperation to eat, subside. “We have been raising and breeding our own meat and dairy for just as long. They have never showed signs of disease, but perhaps it’s because they live a life unknowing of what goes on in this world.” You’re not following, but Eris continues before your confusion causes you to blurt out questions.

“My brother—Lucien,” he nods toward his brother beside him. “Takes care of them. When our father first heard the mumblings of a pandemic so devastating, the world as we knew it would never be the same, he built a bunker of sorts, where we continue to monitor and raise our animals to this day.”

“That was about the only smart thing he ever did,” Lucien mumbles, looking green at the mention of his father.

You get the feeling.

Azriel says, “Yeah, we’ve had the unfortunate displeasure of meeting the bastard.”

Lucien’s utensils fall to the table with a clang that startles you in your seat. He looks sick to his stomach, his ying-yang eyes drawn down to his plate in shame. His shoulders are stiff and he’s gone so still you think he might be comatose, turning into a zombie right in front of your very eyes.

“You’ve met him?” Lucien asks, and he sounds like a little boy, reliving a trauma so ghastly that it’s altered his brain chemistry.

“Met him, killed him,” Azriel shrugs as if it was no big feat. Your stomach roils at the memory and you must look paler than normal because Cassian’s placing a. warm hand over yours in comfort. Azriel’s brashness isn’t new to you, but the reminder is too fresh. You try to focus on your hand in Cassian’s, offering him a weak smile.

The tension in the air seems to disperse with Azriel’s words. You’re pretty sure you see Lucien’s shoulders physically drop in relief, like he feels the same way you do about his father. Eris sits in his seat, stunned, but he doesn’t look upset about the news, he looks more disappointed, like he missed out on being the one to kill the crazy cannibal.

“Well, I think this calls for the good wine,” Nesta says, and you swear you see the corners of her mouth threaten to tug into a satisfied smirk.

She glances at you from across the table, and you pick up your fork.

You hope that this is the first of many things that you will agree with her on.

There is little conversation while you eat. Azriel’s brows are drawn in tight, and his mouth is set in a hard line. He keeps glancing over at you with a scolding heat in his eyes, but there’s a sliver of worry that makes you ache, like he thinks you might keel over from the chicken.

If you do, you’re not even sure you’ll be mad. It’s good fucking chicken.

You try to savor it, to eat slowly so that your body doesn’t reject the first real meal you’ve had in forever, but you can hardly control yourself. You feel like a rabid animal, hungry enough to gnaw your own arm off. You wonder if this is what the zombies outside feel like, an insatiable hunger, or if they’re so mindless they don’t feel anything at all.

You reckon you have only minutes before the food makes its reappearance, but you can’t find it in yourself to care when you slide your silverware onto your empty plate, trying to deter yourself from leaning forward and licking it clean.

Cassian has no such reservations.

“How long has it been since you’ve tried to contact my sister?” Nesta asks when the three of you have finished. Even Azriel couldn’t help but clear his plate, though he did take the longest of the three of you, more than mindful of your captors.

It makes your heart swell that he has kept an eye out for you and Cassian.

Azriel and Cassian share a look over your head, debating how much to indulge. But this is Feyre’s sister, and they want to find her and Rhys just as much, so they relent.

“We tried getting through to them this afternoon, before we ran into you,” Cassian explains. “They were too far out of range.”

“Call them again,” she demands, and Eris opens his mouth to protest but Nesta is clearly done with niceties. “No,” she snaps at the man beside her. “We have given them a place to stay and a warm meal. It’s time for them to do something in return.”

You don’t mention how you didn’t have a choice but to be here, and that they wouldn’t have had to give up their food if you were still wandering out in the woods, but your stomach is too full to argue that point.

Cassian tugs the walkie-talkie from his pocket and switches it on. The static is loud, and you all wait in anticipation until the signal calms a bit before he clicks the button on the side and makes the call. “Rhys? Feyre? Are you out there?”

It’s like waiting for a cure as the six of you listen to the channel. Nothing comes through, and Cassian calls again, to no avail.

“We’ll keep trying,” he says, a determined look in his eye. You’re pretty sure that’s the only thing keeping Nesta in her seat, because she looks like she will reach across the table and stab you with her knife.

Movement in the corner of your eye makes you flinch. Cassian’s arm reaches out to block you and Azriel’s already halfway out of his seat, ready to tear you away from the threat that stumbles into the doorway.

The threat comes in the form of what must be Feyre’s other sister, Elain. She looks ghastly, skin as white as sheet, and as well-fed as Eris’ claims them to be, she’s all skin and bones. Her brown eyes are dull and sunken, purple-rimmed as if she hasn’t had a peaceful night of sleep in years. Her blonde-brown hair sits limp on her head, knotted at the back, as if she’s been drained of all of the health in her life.

She looks like a zombie.

Nesta jumps from her chair at the same time Lucien does, the both of them rushing for Elain. Lucien gets to her first, catching her just as her knees give out and scooping her into his arms. Her head lolls against his chest as if the effort to keep it upright is a burden too much, but her dazed gaze sharpens when it lands on you.

You’re frozen in your seat. You have no words for what you’re seeing, the sickly girl who looks closer to death than a zombie. Your heart pounds a thousand miles a minute in your chest, and your fingers are white-knuckled with confusion and fear where they’re wrapped around Cassian’s forearm.

Elain’s brown eyes widen in a way that looks unnatural for her once beautiful face. Her cracked lips form husky words that are so ominous it has the hair on your body standing on end.

“Twin ravens are coming, one white and one black. One has an injured wing.”

Lucien hushes her softly, murmuring to her as he removes her from the room. “Shh, Elain. Let’s get you back to bed, petal. You shouldn’t be expending so much energy until you’re feeling better.”

Guilt stabs you a thousand times over as he takes her away. It doesn’t take long for you to connect the dots with what you’ve seen. How sickly she looks, the faraway look and ramblings that don’t make sense.

“When did it happen?” You blurt, eyes darting from a stoney-faced Nesta to a grimacing Eris to the door Lucien and Elain disappeared through. You don’t like the feeling that overcomes you, the one that wants you to get the fuck out of here as quickly as possible.

Something isn’t right here.

“It’s late,” Nesta states, looking between the three of you like she’s deciding how she’s going to kill each of you. You suppose she might, if she feels any sort of threat to her sister. For now, she needs you alive, if only to help find her other sister. She won’t dump any of you out yet, unless you can’t prove your worth.

Not unless Feyre is dead.

Azriel tucks you carefully behind him, more than aware of the threat before you. You can tell that he’s just as confused as you are. There’s a tightness to his shoulders that you don’t like, an edge to the strain of his body that screams danger.

His mouth opens to speak, but he’s cut off by the sudden voice that comes over the walkie-talkie.

“Cassian? Azriel? Do you copy?” Rhys’ panicked voice sounds through the machine. More than one emotion threatens to consume you, relief and worry. The full meal in your belly swarms like crashing waves, and you might just throw up after all.

Cassian, Azriel, and Nesta all lunge for the radio. Eris gets his hand around Nesta’s bicep and pulls her away, much to her reluctance. She claws against him but he’s only keeping her away from the three of you, still very much a threat.

Not that you’d be of any assistance should either party try to attack. You’ve collapsed in the closest chair.

“Rhys?” Cassian calls back, just as frantic. His terrified hazel eyes are locked with Azriel’s, and it’s all the black-haired boy can do to console Cassian with a reassuring hand to his shoulder. “Can you hear me? Where the fuck are you?”

It wouldn’t mean much to Nesta, who’s given up her struggling to listen into what’s happening, but to Cassian, you know the touch means everything.

Anticipation skyrockets throughout the room, bringing the temperature up to boiling as you await his response. Each second feels like an eternity, and you’re sure the vein throbbing on Nesta’s forehead is about to explode when Rhysand finally responds.

It sounds like he’s running. You pray that’s not a groan of the undead you hear in the background. “Fuck,” he curses in such a hopeless way that makes your heart drop to the floor. Whatever he’s about to say, it’s not going to be good. “I need you to come find us. I don’t know where the fuck we are, but we need help.”

Azriel rips the walkie-talkie from Cassian’s hand, ready to take the lead. He pockets one of the knives at the table and you can’t even muster the energy to joke about how a butterknife won’t be the best weapon against a horde of zombies because you’re more than ready to follow him into the fray, sans weapons, if all to save your friends.

“Where are you, Rhys? I need landmarks.”

“Az,” Rhys breathes, but he doesn’t sound relieved. In fact, he sounds spent, and there’s no sign of Feyre on the other line. “We need help. Badly. Feyre’s been bitten.”

And hey, your dinner does make its reappearance after all.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

DBD Taglist: @writingsbychlo @kemillyfreitas @5moremin @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @waggel36 @bionic-donut @queserasera @applepie02 @azrielsbabyg @arcadianmoonlight @pradaxstyles @illyrian-dreamerdreamer @reiincarnatiion @fuckthatfeeling @shadowsingersmate24 @poppyalice2001 @fallmyriad @sstrohma @tcris2020 @jeannineee @21stcenturytaegi @ochiolism @secretly-here @harrystylesfan2686 @i-am-infinite @lees-chaotic-brain @eternallyelvish @lilah-asteria @randombibitch @st4r-girl-official @nanisearchinginnerpeace (i hope you see this idk if this tag worked 😭)

IDK if any of these tags are going to work but someone plz lmk 💙

#dead by dawn #acotar #azsazz #azriel x cassian x reader #poly!batboys #poly!batboys x reader #acotar zombie au #zombie au #acowar #acomaf

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thestrongestjewel · 4 months ago

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The Clip post (the crink fanchild)

OK SOO if u follow me on instagram u probably know of this stupid creature I created:

this is clip! and as the little ref you're seeing there implies yes this is in fact a crink fankid because im cringe like that-

so, you might be wondering why did I create the creature? well thats a good question, it ties up with a comic I already posted here actually (this one) . In the universe in which Clip is born cross moves in with Ink in the doodlesphere after the events of underverse and they (mostly by accident) created clip

after a while the rate at which creators made aus started to slow down, putting ink in an artblock that let him pretty sad :( cross only wanted to help, and so he decided he wanted to help ink by creating something of their own! which ended up in- well- them co-parenting a child together lol

they have no idea of what they're doing but they're happy regardless, mind you they're not even dating by this point they just happen to live together and have a child- no romantic feelings whatsoever I promise guys I promise-

anyway, some facts about clip! (most of these are taken from a Q&A I did about him on instagram):

He's 7 years old in universe, just a small baby! pretty smart and self aware for his age though. he's also pretty small and likes climbing on things like a little bug

like ink, he can eat paint, his favorite flavour is lavender! cross tries to keep him in a somewhat normal diet, but its hard because clip does not like to eat actual food, he really likes chocolate mint icecream though.

his favorite parent is ink, he thinks cross is "too lame" and "booring" while ink is more fun and teaches him how to paint.

of course that's just him being a kid, he loves both of his parents very much! he's very confused about their relationship though

(it is in fact very embarrassing clip)

and that's pretty much all I have about them for now- I dont plan on doing any big comics/stories involving them, its not really my main interest I just really liked the concept

If u wanna make fanart of clip or include him in a comic feel free to :D

anyway back to taking a break from drawing I go woaooh

#crink ship #cross x ink #cross sans #ink sans #made these two a fan kid lol #ut au #utmv #how do I even tag this bro #fan kid #clip crink #clownboo art!!!

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adhdduckie · 4 months ago

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cuz he's my best friend's brother!

my masterlist

pairing : choso kamo (my beloved) x reader.

on the radio : lunch by billie eilish.

word count : 11.1k

synopsis; he's your best friend's older brother- that's all he is to you. nothing more, nothing less. so why do you feel this way about him? and why are you so interested in the things that he does? he seems to have no interest in you at all. (no curses AU) turns out he's just as whipped as you. yuji being done with u n choso forever

or;

years of gradual buildup to a romantic relationship between your best friend's brother; choso kamo.

guys im so sorry this has been marinating in my drafts for months.

t.w; swearing, some angst? eventual fluff. reader is described as having a period and wears dresses. lmk if i forget anything else

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AGE 5 and AGE 7

You met Yuji at your day care. you'd been sitting on the grass field in the backyard of sunny smiles daycare, tears welling up in your eyes as you glared angrily at the ground. you didn't want to be here! you wanted to be at home with your mom and dad!

it was your first time being away from your parents for so long, and you'd stormed away from the sunny smiles worker as soon as your parents left.

so that brought you to where you were, sitting under a shady tree all alone, stabbing angrily at the ground with a stick. it's not that anyone was actively avoiding you, as a couple of other kids had approached you but you hissed at them like a feral cat, not particularly enjoying your emergence into society.

it all changed very quickly though, because just when you found a little stick bug, a little boy with bright pink hair and a bright smile came bounding up to you.

“Whatcha lookin at?” he asks, and you look up at him.

“Bug.” you respond shortly, and his smile brightens even further, if that was even possible. (you learn to know that his smile is blinding, and something he doesn’t reserve. He gives them to everyone as if it's as easy as breathing to him.)

That’s how you become best friends with Yuji, over some fascination over a stick bug, in the corner of a playing field.

You end up finding out that he lives on your street, a couple of houses down, with his big brother and his dad.

Throughout the years, you spend countless hours over at the itadori/kamo household, and it becomes a second home to you quite easily, their father being kind and outgoing helps you become seamlessly integrated into their family of 3.

The first time you went over, you were sooo excited the night before, you couldn’t sleep! You’d known yuji for an entire 2 weeks, and could not wait to meet his older brother, and his parents.

The day of, you were so hyperactive, bouncing around while you whined to your mother when she took an entire 10 minutes to get ready to walk you to his house, running ahead of her on the pavement on the way there.

You race up the stairs to his door, pounding your little fists on the door, somewhat rudely and rather impatiently, but you get a pass for being a literal child.

Your mother pulls you by the hand away from the door and scolds you for being impolite and so impatient, but you’re too excited to care.

You can hear the door being unlocked on the other side of the door, and then next thing you know, there’s an angel opening the door and staring down at you with the prettiest purple eyes.

…record scratch.

The boy standing in front of you is not an angel, but he might as well be. Longish black hair thrown up in to two twin ponytails, with deep set eyes and a thousand yard stare, he’s gorgeous. He smiles at you, greeting you formally as if he’s an adult, and not just a 7 year old boy.

Your mom coos, ‘such an adorable little boy,’ and already responsible enough to be answering the door.

“Look at him, y/n. He’s so well behaved. You can learn from him.” your mother says, looking down at you with an affectionate smile.

You can’t even reply, you’re so taken with this boy. This must be choso, Yuuji's older brother by two years.

You look him up and down, and he smiles at you. You decide immediately that you love this boy, and he will be yours. (you’re 5, and he’s 7. He’s not going to be yours anytime soon.)

So obviously you do what any 5 year old would when presented with a cute guy. You grab onto him, and refuse to let go even when your mom is pulling you off him.

“Sorry, I don't know what’s gotten into her.” your mom apologises to the boy, trying to hold in her laughter.

“It’s alright.” choso replies with a smile.

At that time, Yuji seems to hear the commotion at the door, and comes bounding over, yelling your name excitedly.

“Yuuji!” You yell in response, letting go of his brother momentarily to hug him.

“Why didn’t cha tell me bout your brother?” you ask him, before immediately reverting back to choso’s side.

Your mother sighs, before bids you goodbye and heads to work, thinking to herself that the years to come will be interesting indeed.

“Whaddya mean?” yuji asks you, as he pries you off from his brother and pulls you into the house to give you a tour.

“.um, duh….he’s going to be my husband. You will be my brother in law!” you tell yuuji confidently, sure that you will win the heart and the affections of his older brother.

Yuuji stares at you with a concerned and open mouthed look, before he breaks into a smile.

“Will we be related?” he asks cheerfully.

“Yes! You can be my brother in law!” you tell him, already planning out your future, just considering the names of your children.

You forget that choso is behind you, trailing, and he lets out a soft chuckle, before he rubs the top of your head. He’s pretty tall for a 7 year old, but then again, he’s always been the tallest kid in his class.

“I’ll wait.” he tells you and you brighten, smile radiating like a thousand suns.

choso thinks it’s funny, and considers it just another childhood promise that is made by kids that aren’t kept.

But you’re convinced that he’s the one for you, and the one you will love forever. You’re convinced that this is who you’re meant to spend the rest of your life loving, and that he was made for you.

You and Yuji spend the day in the garden, playing with the sandpit they installed, frisking around in the pool, and on the set of the swings, all under the watchful eye of choso.

choso seems to be built for the role of protective older brother, because yuji and you aren’t allowed to be out of his watchful eyes for more than a minute.

He plays with you guys with a level of maturity you’ve never seen in a kid before, but he still is patient as he plays with you in the sandbox. In later years, you’ll look upon moments like these to realise just how serious he’s been, even as a child.

When you and yuuji had an argument over who should get the neon green shovel, he sighs, before telling you that you should take turns, an hour with you and an hour with yuuji. By the time yuuji’s hour is up, you’ve already forgotten about wanting it.

That would never stop him from being sweet and considerate to you, though. Time at the itadori household passes by quickly, and soon, hours have passed and it’s lunch.

You follow behind choso and yuji as they walk into the kitchen, to be greeted by jin, itadori’s father.

You smile at him, introducing yourself a little to him, while he talks to you as he cooks.

Yuji and choso jump onto the seats surrounding the island with some difficulty, but they’re still able to reach. Being 5 years old, you can’t reach, and struggle to clamber on, so choso gets off his chair to help you up to sit on it.

He’s so caring, it’s almost ridiculous.

Hours later, when you leave the itadori’s house only after the promise of many more visits to come, you’re still giddy from the high of the day, kicking your feet as your mom walks you back to your home. You wave to yuuji and choso, who are both staring out the window to see you leave.

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AGE 7 and AGE 9

Two years after you meet yuji, you’re still spending so much time over at yuji and choso’s house.

it's safe to say that you enjoy their house more than your own, considering how you’re there almost every single waking moment. Your mother worries about intruding, but it’s not something that really crosses a 5 year old’s mind.

Jin laughs anytime your mother frets, and says there’s nothing to be worried about, and he doesn’t mind that you’re there a lot, as “both of the boys seem to love [you]”.

In later years, your mother will often comment on how you seemed to be so taken with choso, and yuuji, but both in different ways.

For yuji’s 8th birthday, he got a small house. Not literally, but one of those children houses that you would find in a walmart, for at most a hundred dollars. It was plasticy and shiny, with red (plastic) bricks, and a purple roof. It was just big enough to fit the three of you at one time, and suprisingly, at the age of 9, choso was still perfectly content to spend time with an 8 year old and a 7 year old.

You remember the day yuuji got that house. You were at sunny smiles daycare, playing on the seesaw set when he came bounding up to you with a big toothy smile.

“Guess wa i got for ma birthday!!'' Yuuji all but demands, looking somewhat smug despite having a massive gap in his teeth, where he’s missing his two front teeth. (all i want for christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth!)

“What?” you ask him, getting excited already. His energy is infectious, which makes you wonder why choso looks so tired all the time. The bags under his eyes are prominent, even though you know his schedule well enough to know that he sleeps about 10 hours, and somehow he still has them.

Genetics, you guess.

“No silly, you need to guess.” yuuji tells you, climbing up onto the opposite end of the seesaw, and you fly upwards.

You let out a giggle, and think for a second, before loudly exclaiming; “hmm, a parrot?”

“Nope! Try again.” yuuji responds.

“A new bike?” you try again, and he shakes his head. His face splits into a large grin, and he shakes his head.

“Wrong!” he exclaims, before sighing and yelling out loud; “a plastic house”

“Noo way! You’re so lucky, i’m so jealous.” you whine, your legs pumping the seesaw up and down as you move.

“You can come over after school, you know?” he tells you. Suddenly getting off the seesaw, which causes you to fall off and hit the floor.

That is what brings you to here, now. Playing in his kitchen when he decides he wants to take you outside to see the little house.

Choso follows behind the two of you quietly, making sure you both don’t injure yourself by tripping or some other funny way.

As yuuji opens the backyard door, you see it.

A plastic house, just big enough to fit three or four kids, with red plastic ‘bricks’ and a purple roof.

The purple is a shade you’ve seen before, and you realise almost immediately that it reminds you of choso’s eyes, so you voice that.

You turn behind just in time to see the pink on his face, and you let out a giggle, while yuuji pretends to be deaf.

That little house becomes a very important figure in the games you would play back in those days .

Like many 7 year olds, you wanted to play house, and as a somewhat bossy 7 year old, you decided that you were gonna be the wife and choso was gonna be the husband.

Yuuji, forever the afterthought, was gonna be your dog.

And that was a game that was played for many years, until choso and yuuji both decided that they were too old to be playing house but that didn’t mean that your friendship had changed in the slightest.

AGE 12 and AGE 14

Just before choso left middle school to go to high school, he was widely well known in your shared middle school as Yuuji's cute older brother, and you agreed, of course, but he was choso. You may have been in love with him the first time you met him, but he was your best friend’s brother!

A massive figure in your life, something you had grown up with. Choso was the one who would patch your knee up if you fell, and sat up with you if you ever had trouble with your homework while yuuji waited by playing video games. All of this meant that choso was someone you worshipped, for the way he treated you and for the person he was.

It was one of your typical mall visits with choso and yuuji on a weekend, where jin had dropped the three of you off at the mall to have some fun and catch a movie.

Yuuji and you had decided to go with some horror movie, and had taken choso to pretend to be over 16 so you could see a slightly age inappropriate movie, since at that age, choso was almost taller than jin, towering over just about everyone you knew, so he was your master plan in catching that movie.

Jin, believing that you just went to hang out at the mall, drove you there. Choso in the front seat, and yuuji and you in the back. You were leaning with your back against the door, with your legs thrown over yuuji’s lap as you scrolled through your phones, sending videos to each other.

Jin stops as he pulls up to the mall, turning back to look at you in the back of the car as he smiles and tells you to be safe and have fun on this trip to the mall, and that he expects a call and update on everything that you do, so he knows when to come pick you up.

As you step out of the car, there’s a large cramp in your stomach which causes you to double over. It’s nothing you’ve ever experienced before, in terms of pain, but it doesn’t last for long, so you play it off.

Yuuji gives you a strange look, but doesn’t say anything, as he knows that if it was serious enough you wouldn’t stop whining about it, so he turns to the front as he eagerly leads the way into the airconed mall.

It’s rather empty, seeing how it’s late afternoon on a Sunday when people would rather be at home spending time with their families.

The cramps are back, and they are slightly worse, making your eye twitch. It mostly goes unnoticed, but you do get a slightly concerned look from choso, who mouths the words; “are you alright?” at you, and you just nod, eyebrows furrowed, wondering what is making you so uncomfortable.

You pay for your popcorn and drinks at the cinema, opting to share two large popcorn buckets between you two, as yuuji always seems to finish the first one before you’ve even managed to get one.

The three of you sit in a row together, with yuuji on your left side, and choso on your right. You’re given the task of holding the popcorn, and the darkness of the theatre does well to mask the flush on your face from being so close to choso.

While the theatre is a bit cold, you feel nice and toasty, not just from the heat on your face, but from having choso’s warm body heat so close to you.

Human earthworm 2 begins to play, and yuuji eagerly dives into the popcorn, watching intently. The cramps suddenly come back again, and something feels really wrong. You try to play it off, but after a while, you completely give up, whispering a hush “i’ll be back.” as you climb over yuuji’s legs while you try to get to the bathroom.

As you walk out of the theatre, you’re stuck with an even larger feeling of dread, the pit of your stomach seems to burn, and you’re afraid of what you’re going to find in the bathroom.

In the privacy of the stall, you realise what’s wrong. Your period. You’ve gotten it for the first time. The timing could not be worse.

You sigh, thinking about how there might be some pads in the bathroom for any emergencies, and when you check, there isn't.You panic, a bit (not a bit, a lot), and check the clothes you’re wearing. There’s a bit of a blood stain on the bottoms, and you’re about to cry.

Not when you’re out! This is so mortifying, literally the worst thing that could happen to you.

You realise you won’t be able to cover up the stains, as you left your jacket in the cinema hall.

‘Fuck.’ you whisper out and slump down in defeat, not exactly knowing what you should do here.

Time passes really slowly, and a quick glance at the time tells you you’ve been here for over 20 minutes already. At that thought, your cheeks heat up, as you’re afraid what the boys will think you’re doing in here.

You sigh, before realising you have no choice but to ask them to help you, but the idea of texting and mentioning your…predicament is enough to make you tear up a little in embarrassment.

At that moment, you hear a ping from your phone, so you pick it up to check, and what you see makes you stop crying immediately.

Choso; are u ok?? We’re a little worried abt u

y/n; …

Choso; ???

y/n: i need ur help pls

Choso : ofc what do u need?

Ten minutes later, you hear a call of your name from the entrance of the bathroom, and you unlock the door, walking to the entrance of the bathroom to come face to face with choso, who has a new pair of shorts slung over his arm, and a bag of period products for you.

He gives you a worried smile, before he asks if you’re okay.

You nod in response, too embarrassed to actually look at him in the eyes, and you whisper out a rushed thank you before you grab the stuff and use them.

He returns back to the movie, sitting next to a confused yuuji, who asks where he went.

“The bathroom.” he whispers in response, before turning back to the movie. Yuuji looks at him funny but doesn’t say anything, and just turns back to it too.

Later on, when you sit down next to them again, you whisper out another hushed thanks to choso, before wrapping the hoodie around your waist, just in case, and paying attention to the movie.

This incident isn’t ever spoken about again, but you always remember how he was eager to help you, while you know yuuji would have been so freaked out.

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AGE 16 AND AGE 18.

School’s let out, and it’s summer time. You know what that means, right? Pool days at the itadori household!

Last summer, jin itadori arranged a surprise for the boys- a pool, and for the last three weeks, you’ve been there almost every day, with yuuji.

You’d play in the water together, or sit by the side of the pool with a cold drink in your hand, reading, playing games (in yuuji’s case) or by napping.

But most of all, you’d talk.

Yuuji and your friendship was centred around there being no secrets, and how you’d trust each other with your life.

So, he basically knew everything about your life, except for one tiny…miniscule and unimportant detail.

The crush you had on his brother.

Somehow you had managed to be less obvious with it than the ones you had had in school for some ungodly reason, but your luck with boys had never been that great, considering that none of those other crushes could even hold a flame to the one you had on choso.

But you couldn’t, because of this.

“Oh, how’s choso doing at uni?” you asked yuuji at the beginning of summer break, with a fake air of uninterest to seem suave (you’re just fooling yourself and yuuji, everyone else knows)

He blinked at you, wondering why you seemed so uninterested. shouldn’t you care? Choso is your friend after all.

“Don’t you talk to him?” he asked, and you shrugged

“A bit, but not a lot.” you responded, pushing up your shades and reclining in the chair. you usually just get messages from him asking how it’s going and if you’re doing alright, but nothing really deep, since he’s so busy with school.

“Oh. Well, he said he’s got a new girlfriend, and his studies are going well.” yuuji responds, splaying out on the pool chair, turning his face up to the blinding sun.

Your heart drops down to your stomach, and it stings much more than it actually should.

“Oh. really?” you ask, trying to keep a steady voice.

“Mhm.” He hums, completely oblivious to the internal strife you are so very obviously facing. “You know, I actually spoke to her over the phone. She’s really sweet. Her name’s yuki.” he continues, eating chips out of the bowl so casually as if he hasn’t just torn out your heart.

You know yuuji means it when he says that choso’s new girlfriend is sweet. Yuuji is an exceptional judge of character, and was always, even from a young age. He may have been oblivious sometimes, but he really did know how to make excellent friends.

An example is the friends you made in freshman year, nobara kugisaki and megumi fushiguro. You were close with both of them, but you hadn’t known them as long as you had known yuuji, so you would always be closer to him than them, but that didn’t mean you didn’t love them.

And because you trust yuuji’s sense of her, you decide that maybe it isn’t worth getting upset over, since he sounds happy with a girl that is sweet. And all in all, you have no right to be getting upset, he’s not yours and he never will be. (haha. Haha. hahahhahahaha.)

You realise you’ve been quiet for too long, and social formalities deem that you respond now, or yuuji will actually start to get suspicious, which is not what you want.

“Oh, that’s great! Do you have any pictures of her?” you ask, before realising you really really shouldn’t have asked, because you don’t want to know.

Luckily, yuuji shakes his head. “Nah. but she will visit in a couple weeks to meet dad.”

Your finger twitches slightly, and you groan internally. Oh well.

So that brings you to the predicament you are currently in. three weeks later after you find out that choso actually has a girlfriend.

It’s about 3 in the afternoon, and as usual, you’re parked next to the pool with Yuuji and megumi, but not with nobara, since she’s away shopping in france (she’s living the life, is she not?)

But the thing that’s actually bothering you, is right in front of you. In its hot, muscly glory.

Choso.

He’s been back from university for over a week now. When he came back, he had greeted you with a big hug, and a ruffle of your hair, telling you that you had grown up a lot since he had last seen you.

Oh, how the turn tables.

He’s changed, too.

Because, when he was in highschool, he had been a tall and skinny guy, but now, he’s not so skinny anymore.

He seems to have put on loads of muscle in the months he’s been away, and it almost changes the way you completely perceive him.

But god, does he look good.

Especially with the way he’s pulling himself out of the water, muscles tensing in his back, straining in his arms.

Thank you for this view. You pray to whatever kind god has presented this view to you.

And then you remember. He’s got a girl.

You practically growl in annoyance, and megumi sends you the weirdest look you’ve ever seen.

He knows too much to live.

You practically drag your eyes away from him, feeling wrong and unfair to be ogling someone else’s boyfriend, even if you have known him for much longer.

As choso walks past you to walk back into their kitchen to grab a drink, he flicks some water at you, which makes you flinch and drop the book you’ve been pretending to read.

Yuuji’s preoccupied with his phone and megumi snickers, which causes you to drag your eyes away from his back (when did you even start looking at it, my god?)

“You know, you’ve been on that page for the last twenty minutes” megumi oh so helpfully supplies, whispering just low enough that yuuji can’t hear. He leans forward towards you with a leer on his face that makes you want to slap it off his face

“I dunno what you’re talking about” you respond, picking up your book again, bringing it up to hide the flush that’s taking over your face from megumi.

You can hear him laughing.

When choso comes back from the kitchen, he’s got two glasses of iced tea in his hands. He walks back past you and you fight to keep your eyes trained on his face. Which allows you to catch the easy going smile he gives you as he passes you a glass, before settling into his pool chair which is right next to yours.

“Where’s mine?” Yuuji whines, forgetting about his game for a moment to complain.

“Yeah, what about us?” megumi chimes in with a snort.

“If you wanna drink some, get it yourself.” choso replies

This becomes a game for you and megumi. You, who tries to look at choso and admire him without anyone noticing, and megumi catching you and teasing you about it like you’re both 11.

When you do meet yuki, a couple weeks later, you realise that you can’t even hate her. She’s sweet, although she is a bit strange.

You’re all gathered around the dinner table, in the yuuji household.

Yuuji to your side, as always. Jin at the head of the table, and choso and yuki sitting opposite.

You’re directly opposite yuki, and you immediately grow to like her. She’s sweet and funny, and has a strange sense of humour.

“So, how did you guys meet?” you ask them, watching the way they seem to lean into each other. Your heart squeezes, but you hold your love for choso above your romantic interest, and if he’s truly happy, that’s all that matters to you.

She smiles, and turns to her side to look at him. There’s so much love in her eyes for a relationship that is relatively new.

“I actually met yuki in the cafe that I work in.” choso responds, smiling at you as he picks up the plate of chicken.

You smile while taking a sip of your drink, swallowing hard before you speak; “that’s cute. You write your number on her cup?” you tease, which is a lot easier than you think, because even if you love choso, his happiness means more.

“Yes, actually. She seemed so sweet and she was gorgeous and I knew I had to know her, and the next thing I know, I'm in love.” He responds with a happy smile.

Suddenly, you’re 5 again, walking down the itadori household for the first time, with your arm wrapped around choso’s as you refuse to leave him. He smiles at you and promises to wait for you.

You’re 11 and he’s sitting out of spending time with his friends to help you with your homework.

You’re 12 and he’s helping you conceal your period. You’re 12 and a half and you’re sitting on their couch, playing games with him.

You’re 16 and he’s bringing out cups of a drink for you and only you. You’re 16, and when you’ve gotten wasted from a party he asked you not to go to, he sits up with you in the bathroom, holding your hair back as you throw up, because he promised that he’ll always wait for you, and that means that he’ll always take care of you.

You’re 16, and you’re helping him get ready for his senior prom, with a girl that doesn’t deserve him, but it’s not like you think you deserve him either. You’re standing in his room, watching him throw on his black jacket, and you look at the sorry excuse of a tie he has on, and you slap his hands away as you try to fix it. He sits down for you, without you having to say something, and you walk closer to him. With his legs pressed together, it’s hard for you to reach his tie, and he realises, so he lets you step in between them. You’re focusing as hard as you can on his tie, just so your heart doesn’t speed up too much and he can hear it. He watches you intently with a smile on his face, and you feel your cheek heat up. When you finish straightening the tie up, you pat him on the shoulder, and he lets you go. You don’t want to see him walk out with the girl on his arm, so you go home early, but not before you wish him to have fun.

And you realise that as you think this, none of this will actually matter to him, because he loves her.

And that kills you, but there’s nothing you can do.

You spend the rest of dinner rather quiet, not really talking much, but also subtle enough that nobody asks you what’s wrong.

choso’s 7 and he’s opening the door to see you, in your little pigtails and your yellow dress. He’s seven and he’s promising to wait for you.

He’s 9 and he’s playing house with you even though he hates that little house that his father bought him. He’s 9 and he’s your husband in that little plastic kitchen, watching you cook with a smile on his face.

He’s 13, and while he’d rather be playing football with his friends, but he’s sitting at their dinner table helping you understand your homework, since you’re scared of getting it wrong at school.

He’s 14 and he’s worried when you spend too much time in the bathroom, texting you to ask if you’re alright. He’s 14 and he’s buying pads and new clothes for you to change into to make sure you’re comfortable.

. He’s 18 and he’s letting you fix his tie for him, even though he knows how to tie his tie, but he lets you fix it anyway. He’s got a smile on his face and he’s aware that he probably looks like an idiot, but he likes how concentrated you are on this meagre task. Once you’re done, you pat him on the shoulder and he’s confused. He wants you to see how dapper he looks with the corsage pinned to his chest, him with his tie, the way his hair is done and his suit, but when he asks yuuji where you are, yuuji tells him with a confused look on his face that you’ve already gone home. He’s 18 and he’s unable to stop watching you with a smile on his face as you yell at his brother for eating your dessert, even though he’s got a girlfriend, and that you’ve always just been his little brother’s best friend

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AGE 20 and 22

You’re finally at uni, somewhere you’ve always waited for. You haven’t deliberately chosen the same place that choso is going to, but you’ve been joined by nobara and megumi and yuuji together, so that you are always together.

( a year or so ago) When you found out that you had gotten in, you had raced out of your house, to yuuji’s during the summer holidays, rushing through their door with the envelope.

You run past the kitchen where choso’s standing as he sips a cup of coffee, and you yell a good morning to him. All he does is laugh, a twinkle in his eye as he sips again.

You don’t pay too much attention to him because right now, something else is much more important. You stampede your way into yuuji’s room, where yuuji is on his bed, still sleeping.

You jump onto the bed, slapping yuuji awake.

“Yuuji, yuuji, yuuji yuuji” you yell loudly from excitement.

“WHAT” he groans, throwing his pillow at you, which you duck, due to your epic skills.

“I got in!” you scream happily, throwing the big fat envelope in his face.

It smacks him in the face with a loud thump and he groans in pain, looking at the envelope, before he says “congrats” and promptly turns back onto his side and goes back to sleep.

You kick him on the side, lightly, not enough to hurt, and huff angrily as you jump up from his bed, and pick up your big envelope again, tucking it into the waistband of your sweats, having not bothered to change out of your pyjamas, and walk down the stairs to the kitchen.

As you walk into the kitchen, choso looks up from his cup of coffee, and he gives you a bright smile.

“I heard from a little birdy that you got in?” he asks you, and you grin.

“Yes! I did, i’m so excited.” you tell him. “And hopefully yuuji, megumi, and nobara did too.” you continue, happy that you might be with them.

Just then, you get a message on your phone, and you pull it out.

You let out a squeal of excitement as you shove your phone under choso’s nose, showing him megumi’s text that he too, got accepted into this university.

“I take it you’re excited?” he asks you, feeling a slight pang of uneasiness when he sees how excited you are that megumi had also gotten in, but he doesn’t really know why.

“Yeah! Hopefully yuuji and nobara can also join so we won’t be without them, and then We’d also be able to see you more, as well!” you say, trying to play it off as you’re not the one who’d probably be the most excited that you could see him more.

Despite yuuji and choso being siblings, and choso caring a lot for him, they are pretty nonchalant when they haven’t seen each other for a while, but you guess that’s just sibling dynamics.

Choso feels his heart speed up in his chest, and he smiles.

“That’d be nice, for sure.” he responds, humming as he sips his coffee again.

Just then you really look at him. This is his second cup of coffee and it’s barely 9 am.

“How long have you been awake? And are you even sleeping?” you ask him, because you’re worried. Your brows furrow, and he leans in to show you, and you notice that the dark purple circles under his eyes that have always been there, are a bit darker than normal.

He sighs, and rubs his forehead before he explains; “i’ve got a paper due soon, so i’ve been working pretty hard on that.”

You frown, worried about his lack of sleep, and you push him towards getting more, because he looks tired.

Just like he promised to always look after you, you promise the same.

Just then, yuuji comes bouncing down the stairs, and he runs out to the mailbox. You realise what he’s going for so you follow, excited to see the results.

He rips open the mailbox, and sees a big envelope and he grins. You’re bouncing on your feet beside him, eager for him to open it.

But yuuji wants to open it with his big brother, so you go back in. When inside, he tears up the envelope cover and pulls out his acceptance letter, and you all celebrate.

That was over a year ago now, and you’re in your second year of college.

2 months after you joined choso’s university with megumi, nobara and yuuji, you met Ander.

He was sweet at first, and he provided a good distraction from a love you had for choso that seemed to fade the more you spent time with ander. It was really useful, because choso and yuki were everywhere you looked.

But after awhile, you were desensitised to it, so whenever you would see choso, your heart wouldn’t fill up with so much excitement anymore, but more of a, i used to like this guy.

Present tense became past tense when you thought you just didn’t love him like that anymore (lol as if), so you started treating choso a little differently, you started treating him more like you should have from the beginning, your best friend’s brother.

I mean, he noticed, but like he never ended up saying anything to you, in case of hurting your feelings or disrupting the peace he sometimes was able to make with yuki.

They were still together, but it was getting difficult. They were constantly arguing over the littlest things, and he just grew to realise he didn’t love her as much as he thought he did. But you didn’t know this for a while.

But that’s not important just now.

Ander, who you had met in your psych 101 class, had sat down next to you during the first lesson on your 3rd day at college.

You didn’t talk much for the first couple of lessons, but after a while, he was easy and simple, just what you needed at that time.

Someone that was attainable, and totally not your best friend’s brother.

Slowly, you began to get to know each other better, and in the last class of your first week, he came into class with a cup of coffee that he gave to you with his name and his number, asking for a date.

Your relationship was simple, at first. Dates were enjoyable, and you got along well enough. He was an alright kisser compared to your previous experiences.

obviously, that stuff didn’t last.

or else, this wouldn’t be about you and choso.

conflict started occuring during your fourth month together.

not physical, thankfully, you wouldn’t have stayed with him, but arguments were very common.

he wanted to go a party, but you had an exam the next day, or you weren’t feeling like it.

he never forced you to do things you didn’t want to, but he did get annoyed, and also got petty.

you don’t want to go to a party with him? he’ll talk about it none stop, and about the amount of people that came up to him asking where you were.

you can’t go out cuz you have to study? he’ll tell you about the number of girls that hit on him, before he’d say, ‘obviously, i told them i was taken’. and you’d stare at him, like, do you want a reward for remaining loyal?

but you thought you loved him, and that was what was important to you.

nobara hated him, and she told you multiple times that he was a pig.

and megumi got into arguments with him all the time, about the dumbest thing. for example, ander would want you to wear flashier, nicer and more revealing, but megumi would cut in, telling him that you could dress how you pleased, and there was nothing. he could do about it.

and yuuji? yuuji couldn’t even bear to stay in the same room as him, which was why you didn’t end up spending a lot of time with yuuji. it was some of the worst time of your life.

choso, who had met him, thought he seemed alright, but he had heard about what yuuji said about him, so he was wary.

the first time they met, you noticed how opposite they were. choso was taller, more attractive to you, and he just made ander pale in comparison.

you worried about the way it may have seemed like you were using ander, but you really didn’t have any feelings for choso, and ander was who you liked. When they first met, choso shook his hand hard, smacking his hand down on ander’s shoulder like a father would do to his daughter’s boyfriend, and he stared him right in the eye.

ander, slightly intimated, leaned backwards as choso whispered, just loud enough for all of you to hear; “you better take care of her.”

you roll your eyes, having seen this protective older brother routine before, and you step in, pushing choso’s hand off his shoulder and breaking his grip on ander’s hand, pushing him away from ander.

“that’s enough.” you’d said, pushing ander into the next room before you turned back to choso, who shakes his head at you.

“i don’t like him.” he tells you, and you get annoyed at him, for the first time.

“you don’t have to like him.” you snap back, “it doesn’t matter.”

choso and you never talk about his distate for ander again.

You’ve ended up at some frat party that nobara’s dragged all of you to.

you were originally supposed to go with ander, but considering how he had a last minute study group meeting, you told him that you didn’t mind, and he could go ahead to his study group while you would stay home.

nobara somehow caught wind of this, burst into your room while you were sititng at your desk with a frown on her face.

“thought you had date night with ander?” she asks, throwing herself onto your bed.

“something wtih his study group came up”. You respond, pushing away from your desk to turn and look at her on your bed.

“…at 9 pm on a friday?” she asks, her frown etching deeper into her face.

“i guess so.” you respond, knowing how weird that might sound to her, but you don’t want to bring it up.

“well,” she slaps her knees like an old grandma, pushing herself up to her feet. “I’ll be right back. we’re going to that party anyway.”

you sigh, knowing better than try to convince nobara to change her mind once she’s gotten her mind hooked onto something.

you watched, bemused as nobara sprints out the room, laughing to yourself when you hear her footsteps sprint down the hall of the dorms.

soon enough, nobara’s back. Dressed in a short red dress, she throws a gold fabric at your face, which, because you don’t expect it, smacks you right in the face with it. you pull it away from your face to have a proper look at it.

standing up, you push past to go change into it, giving her an annoyed look.

it’s a gold dress with spaghetti straps that stops right below the middle of your thigh. it’s a pretty little dress, and you sigh when you see yourself in the mirror. because this will forever be your favourite look.

nobara is dragging you through the crowds of a party in a frat house, towards the center, where you can easily spot megumi’s glowery face and yuuji’s beam from the opposite side of the room. the contrast between the two really stands out, with people avoiding megumi, keeping a circle of space around him, while they crowd around yuuji.

nobara goes to yuuji, while you stand next to megumi.

“he drag you here?” you ask megumi, taking the drink he passes you. you take a sniff. no alcohol, just how you wanted it.

“yea. Is that nobara’s dress?” megs asks you, gesturing vaguely to the gold fabric on your skin.

you nod in response as you scan the room, to see who’s there. you see friends from classes that you take, and previous classmates from old lessons.

and then you notice him.

there’s the sound of a plastic cup crunching, and it’s only when you feel a cold substance running down your hand, you realise it’s yours.

ander has his hand on a girl’s waist, and they’re walking up the stairs to someone’s bedroom. They’re close enough to not look innocent, and your suspicions are confirmed when he leans in to kiss her with a familiarity that tells you that this is not the first time.

you don’t even say anything, and you just stare.

megumi trails off in the middle of something he was saying and he turns to look at you, his eyes following your line of sight.

it takes him a second, but he gets there. “..what the fuck.” he growls, throwing his drink to the side as he marches forward.

your arm shoots out to stop him, and he pauses, looking at you with confusion.

you shake your head, just turning around to sit down.

megumi follows you, and yuuji and nobara finally seem to notice something is wrong.

they crowd around you, nobara taking the drink out of your hand as she follows your line of sight, just in time to see the back of ander’s head and a girl as they walk into the bedroom.

“oh that bitch.” nobara all but grumbles, miming pushing up her sleeves before she sets off on his direction.

“no.” you say, rather quietly, before you seem to crumble, tears coming to your eyes as you rest your head in your hands, curled up on the sofa.

there’s a dip in the couch as yuji sits next to you, bringing you close to him, and resting your head on his shoulder.

they all crowd around you, telling you how much of an asshole he is , and nobara tells you she can fuck up his car if you wanted.

that gets a laugh out of you, and you manage to smile at them, while still shaking your head. he’s not worth it, you think, and it makes you feel better already.

the rest of the night is a big blur, as you struggle to make sense of things. Ander, cheating?

it makes sense, in some way, but at the same time it doesn’t. what had gone wrong? (Arguments, disagreements)

you don’t even want to think about him anymore, so with a quick text of “don’t ever talk to me again, we’re done”, and you were a free lady.

you wake up the next day with a pounding headache, not from alcohol but from tears and a stressful evening, to a knock on your door.

you groan, throwing your blankets off of your body as you stumble to the door with a grimace on your face.

forgetting that you’re still wearing last night’s clothes, save for your makeup, you open the door to see choso.

it’s been a while since you last saw him, the two year school difference has made him so busy in preparation for his graduation, he’s been working so hard with his part time job and his studying.

he looks..different, in some way. Tired but happy. You’ve seen him around on campus, and you have texted him a lot, just messaging about school and work and life.

“yuuji told me.” he says in form of a greeting, shaking his head while you step back to let him in. he looks you up and down in your tight gold dress and he averts his eyes, which is what makes you realise that you’re still wearing the same thing from yesterday night.

“he moves fast.” you say in response, as a way to stop yourself from worrying too much about how you look. there’s not much that you can do now.

“I should have known.” he says. you look up at him, confused, before he sighs and continues; “about ander, i mean. I didn’t like him when I first met him.”

“well, you weren’t the only one.” you say, pulling out an oversized shirt out from your drawer, putting it over the gold dress.

he steps over to your desk, setting something down you haven’t noticed before, a pack of food. the scent wafts over to your nose, and you let out a happy squeal when you realise it’s your favourite food.

he smiles, glad to see that you’re not too upset, but it quickly drops off his face as soon as he remembers why you should be upset in the first place.

“thanks.” you mumble out through a mouthful of food. he waves you off, telling you not to worry about it.

“are you sure you’re alright? I can have a word with him if you need.” He raises his eyebrows when he mentions having ‘a word’ with ander, and you get what he means.

“no, it’s alright. he’s not worth it.” you say, swallowing the food.

“thanks for being here.” you say.

“anytime. I’m always here if you need me.” he says, ruffling the hair on your head in endearment.

sitting down at your desk, he takes a bite from a bowl he’s bought for himself.

“is there anything that you need from me?” choso asks, still looking really worried for you.

“i promise, I’ll be alright.” you respond.

there’s a silence, but it’s not uncomfortable, but rather it’s quite enjoyable, and feels right.

Leaning back in your chair when you're done, you turn to look at CHOSO, surprised to notice that he'd already been staring at you before hand

He gives you a tentative smile that looks like he's relieved that you're alright.

"Thanks for checking up on me." You say again, standing up to throw away the trash of the food he'd brought for you, and when you're about to reach for his plate, your arm reaching past him, he grabs ahold of you softly, standing up as he does so while he hugs you.

Your arms immediately wrap around his waist, and his chin rests upon your head. He's got a firm hold of you, but you feel content to be there.

You let out a sigh, and you can feel the tears beginning to prick at the corner of your eyes. You needed this. Not from choso specifically, but you just needed this.

after awhile, he lets go, his hands gripping your forearms as he stares at you, realising that you've almost cried again. One hand cupping your jaw, and the other hand reaches up, and he uses a thumb wipes away a stray tear that you didn't realise had escaped.

"Don't cry" he tells you, brushing back some of your hair. "He's not good enough for you." He tells you again, echoing the words that he had told you the first time he met ander.

You let out a wet chuckle, glad to have his support.

you step back from his embrace, and the hand that was cupping your jaw falls limply to his side.

you end up just staring at each other, his deep set, purple eyes meeting your eyes.

unable to stop yourself, you frown at the familiar twinge in your chest.

‘no, no no no’ you think, this isn’t good at all. you can’t do this again, and not so quickly, either.

but the heart wants what the heart wants. at least it’s building up slowly and not all at once.

Suddenly, you’re 5 again, walking down the itadori household for the first time, with your arm wrapped around choso’s as you refuse to leave him. He smiles at you and promises to wait for you.

You’re 11 and he’s sitting out of spending time with his friends to help you with your homework.

You’re 12 and he’s helping you conceal your period. You’re 12 and a half and you’re sitting on their couch, playing games with him.

you’re 20, crying over a stupid ex boyfriend that cheated on you, when choso is the one there to support you. at the word of a friend, he’s ready to be there for you, and knows how to make sure you’re feeling better and understanding your worth. he’s there for physical comfort, and for anything that you may possibly need. it’s the most calm you’ve felt in months, in his arms. He makes sure that you’re as alright as you can possibly be.

choso’s at a party he doesn’t want to be at.

some of his friends had dragged him out of his room, after he had apparently spent too much time studying for his finals soon.

in the middle of a conversation with a girl that’s come up to him to try to hit on him. he’s pretty absentmindly talking to her, as he doesn’t want to be mean, because he knows her well enough that she’s super sweet, he’s just not interested in her.

for some reason, he looks away from the girl for a moment, to the door. the sight that greets him makes him freeze in the middle of his sentence.

it’s you.

he feels like there’s no more breath in his lungs, because you look absolutely gorgeous. he hasn’t felt like this looking at any girl since he broke up with yuki.

you’re wearing a gold dress that compliments you so well, he might just cry. it’s not like he hasn’t seen you for awhile, but something’s just more obviously different now.

he’s standing there with his mouth gaped wide open, long enough for the girl he’s talking to to notice what’s going on.

she lets out a little laugh, a little disappointed, pats him on the shoulder, and walks away.

he only jolts out of his reverie when he feels her pat his shoulder, and he manages to straighten up.

he’s just about to come and talk to you when he sees you crumble, and he’s filled with confusion. he sees your friends support you and take you away. he stands in the middle of the party for ages, torn between wanting to go support you and wanting to give you space.

he understands soon though, why you’re so upset.

ander’s just come out of a bedroom upstairs by himself, with his hair messed up, and a dopey look on his face.

choso knows immediately what he’s been doing, so he marches through the throng of the party to go confront him.

ander’s up against the wall before he can even realise what’s happening.

“what-what-” ander splutters pathetically.

choso’s mad. he’s mad, mad.

“what the fuck have you done?” choso snarls, all up in ander’s personal space. the party quiets down as all eyes are on choso and ander.

“wha are you talking about??” ander tears up, scared for his own safety.

“you know what.”

“she- she doesn’t give me what i want” ander answers. choso slams his hand above ander’s head, which causes ander to flinch.

“you don’t deserve her. you never did. If i ever hear you go near her again, you’re going to regret it.” choso says, before he pushes away from the wall, not even waiting to hear ander’s response.

that is what brings him be standing outside your room the next morning, before he knocks carefully.

he’s got your favourite food in a way to make you feel better, and he’s ready to give you as much support as you may need.

he hears a groan, and the rustling of bed covers, and then the sound of steps on carpet, before he hears the door unlocking, and he’s greeted with you.

you look gorgeous, having just woken up. he notices that you’re still in your golden dress from last night.

“yuuji told me” he says in a form of greeting, in a way to pretend that he didn’t see everything that happened last night.

he sees your initial confusion, but then he sees how you seem to shrink in on yourself.

he walks in and you both talk, and he asks multiple times if you’re sure that you’re okay.

after you finish eating, you reach over him to get his bowl to throw away, but before he even knows it, he’s standing and he’s got you in his arms, and everything feels so unbelievably right.

there’s nowhere else he wants to be now, because he has you in his arms, with his chin on your head, he can smell the perfume you were wearing from last night.

and it makes him think back;

choso’s 7 and he’s opening the door to see you, in your little pigtails and your yellow dress. you shine so bright, he’s reminded of the sun. He’s seven and he’s promising to wait for you.

but now, choso’s 22. and you’re 20. and he is finally starting to realise that he’s always seen you differently than to how he’s seen, say nobara. as yuuji’s best friend, and younger than him by two years, he understands that there will be more of a difficulty to be having the two of you together, as a couple. Not because of the age gap, which isn’t too much, but because of yuuji’s reaction, and the history that you’ve had between the two of you already. but he’s willing to try.

months later, you’re finally over the betrayal of ander.

with the support of your friends, and choso, you’ve managed to be better than you ever were.

choso has been great, recently.

he’s been spending loads of time with you, whether just hanging out and watching some of your favourite childhood movies again together, or studying together.

and you’ve finally realised, that you love choso again. well, to be more accurate, you never stopped, and it was more of a hiatus, but you are getting better in accepting it.

sometimes, when you’re a little bored, you dream of the idea of choso loving you too. you read too much into actions, and you blush when he does something sweet. and suddenly, the idea of him loving you back, doesn’t seem so farfetched. (THATS BECAUSE IT ISNT????)

it’s during a holiday of your second year of university, when it happens.

you’d woken up that morning with a strong desire to go lie by the pool, and by deciding to do so, you decide to go over to the itadori/kamo household to go enjoy the sun with yuuji.

you’re dressed up in your swimwear, and you’ve decided to put on a yellow dress, before you’re ready to go over to yuuji’s.

for once, the door’s locked for some reason, so you result to knocking and ringing the door bell. you stand there, waiting for someone to come open the door, when you hear choso yell out “hold on!” as there is a sound of someone sliding over to the door.

the door unlocks with a click, and he opens it to see you, and you can see the immediate change in his face.

at first he had an easygoing smile, the one he usually looks at you with, but for some reason, this time it dropped away to a dumbfounded look, where he seemed to be a little out of breath.

after a minute of him just staring at you, and looking you up and down, you ask him; “…choso…are you okay?” you ask him, a little worried. do you look weird? does whatever you’re wearing not suit you?

he seems to be having some sort of internal struggle, you just stand there awkwardly, a little worried, when he reaches for you and pulls you into his embrace, closing the door behind you. you stand in his arms, hands resting on his chest as he just stares at you.

“you’re beautiful, you know?” he tells you, pushing back a strand of your hair behind your ear.

the words make you freeze, and your heart is thumping in your chest like the rhythm of the tango.

"what?" you say, which is super suave and sooo slick and it makes him laugh a little, which makes you feel like you're glowing, just because you managed to make him laugh. it's always been like this. making him laugh or smile was a little victory in itself, and you could feel good for an entire day alone just from making him laugh.

his hand moves to rest on your waist, and he lets out a little sigh.

"this yellow dress." he sighs, with happiness , you think. he is toying with the fabric, rolling it over and over in between his fingers.

you look at him in confusion, trying to ignore the hammering in your chest. something similar is going on in choso's heart, but you don't know that.

"it's the same color as the one you wore on the first day we met." he finishes, letting out a small smile as he reminisces.

you try to think back to when you were 5, but you're unable to remember much, just remembering that you just basically pounced on choso. you can trace your admiration for him all the way back to then, and it makes you cringe. you should have been more nonchalant, but maybe being nonchalant really isn't your strong suit.

"oh. you remember?" you breathe out, rather raggedly as he stares into your eyes.

"i remember everything." he says, and you notice his eyes flicker to your lips, and then back up to your eyes. almost subconsciously, you lick your lips, wetting them, and his eyes flicker back down again. "i remember everything that you do." he continues, his voice low.

The house is quiet all around you, but if a bomb went off nearby, you probably wouldn't even notice, because all that matters right now, is choso. he is what is surrounding you, and he is what matters.

you feel some sort of dopamine rush that only ever appears when you're with choso, because he always just knows what you need, and that means right now, that he knows that you really, really need him to kiss you.

and so he does, because he's always ready to give you anything you need. the kiss is hot and heavy, and breathing isn't even on your mind right now, because choso completely occupies all your thoughts. he crushes you to his chest, his hand resting on the dip of your back, and your hands are clutching onto his shirt, scrunching it tightly.

his fingers grip on your jaw, not painfully, but enough to keep you firmly in place where he wants you. You're feeling like everything that has happened in all the years that you've known him has lead to this moment, because god, this is more than anything you've imagined before, because it's so much better.

his lips are soft, but they are still firm on your own, and you're kissing back with so much vigour, and your hands are in his hair and he's supporting you while you melt.

somewhere in the distance, you hear a door open and close, and some part of your brain is telling you that maybe you should break apart so you can breathe, but he's just pushed you up against the wall, and it feels way too good.

which is a bad decision, because the next thing you know you're hearing a loud "WHAT THE FUCK." from yuuji.

oh well. what better way to tell him?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: guys wtf this took so long im so sorry. i said i would have it out ages ago. help me. anyway here it is sorry it took so long! likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated!!! hope you enjoyed.

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hornyfor-redacted-onmain · 4 months ago

Text

Secret Secret Chapter 7

OT8 Straykids x reader, ABO AU

Masterlist |

The Meeting (as you had taken to calling it in your head) was officially set for the end of the week. Specifically, on a Saturday afternoon at Chan’s personal studio, the perfect mix of comfortable and private, while also being somewhat profesional. After all, it wouldn't be good if you were caught out in public with Stray Kids. Too many questions would come your way. So you and Chan planned out The Meeting over text (you had finally gotten his number during their promotions), and now the minutes were ticking down.

You would have postponed it more if you could, nervous and worried about revealing what was essentially the biggest secret you had ever had, but you were already cutting it close as it was. The tour officially kicked off earlier this week with their concert in Seoul, and by Monday afternoon you would be on your way to Japan. If anything happened (and it was a big if, because you trusted Chan, as stupid as it seemed, and he trusted Felix), you would prefer to not be overseas when it happened.

So now you found yourself nervously shaking your leg as the elevator numbers went up, feeling a strange sense of deja vu as you made your way off and down the very same hall you had taken when searching for the distressed omega over a month ago. You never did find out what happened to her. You hoped she was okay.

You reached the same door, the one Chan had told you about through text, and hesitated before knocking. You were early, just by a few minutes, but you imagined that Felix had to be there already right? Surely Chan had already explained what they were doing there.

This was it. Your first leap of faith. Would Felix be okay with your position, your decisions, and even your past involvement with his alpha? Or would one wrong move leave you without a job once again, possibly black listed from the industry entirely.

You took a deep breath, and knocked.

And then immediately regretted it. It felt like your heart was going to explode right out of you chest with how hard it started beating, and you started to feel like your limbs were 3 times heavier and yet disconnected from you all together. You wanted to run, but your legs were frozen. It was only the sight of Chan’s face, the comforting smell of fruits and flowers and ocean breeze, that snapped you out of it enough to force a smile onto your face.

You had a feeling it came out more like a grimace, judging by the sympathetic look he gave you.

“Hey. You ready?”

You weren't given much of a choice as a second later, Felix was shoving himself in between Chan and the door. He was wearing a bright grin that slowly faded as he took you in. He said your name in confusion, and you shot Chan a look.

“You didnt tell him?”

“I wanted to wait until you were here! Felix, I told you to wait.”

“Wait, they're the ome-?!”

Both you and Chan moved in synchronization to hush the blonde, you pressing your hand against his mouth and the latter slapping his own hand over yours, effectively trapping your hand. Wide eyed, Felix seemed to have realized his mistake of screaming out in the middle of the JYP hallways, because he slumped against Chan in defeat.

“Shmy,” he mumbled against your palm.

You gave Chan a look, and he let go quickly, allowing you to remove your hand from Felix's face. Taking a step back your fellow omega let you into the room with sharp eyes, and you could practically see the millions of questions that were forming in his head. Sure enough, it was only after the door was finally closed and you had taken a seat on the worn couch at the back of the room that he continued.

“I thought you were a beta,” was the first thing he said.

You looked away. “Yeah, Im not. I uh … lied, i guess.”

Felix was quiet, slowly walking from one side of the room to the other with a frown. Chan remained at the door with his arms crossed. And you sat stiffly on the couch, back rigid, feeling like you would rather be anywhere else but here.

Why did you agree to this again?

“So you … lied about being a beta,” Felix repeated. You nodded. “Anything else you lied about.”

You shook your head.

“I don't-” He placed his hands on his hips. “I just don't understand. Isn't it illegal to lie to your workplace?”

“It's pretty illegal to not hire someone based on their presentation,” You argued. “And yet it still happens.”

“The company doesn't do that,” Felix tried to argue.

You shot Chan a look, but he was staring down at the ground shaking his head. “Dude. Of course they do. It might not be official, because like you pointed out, its illegal-”

“They hire omegas and alphas all the time!”

“Are you kidding me? When have you ever seen anyone other than betas on your staff?!”

“They hired me!”

You scoffed in disbelief. “That's different.”

“How?”

“You're an idol! They dont give a shit about your presentation, all they care about is whether or not they can make money off you!”

Felix, bless his heart, actually looked shocked at the idea. He turned to Chan, you imagined for support, but the leader was now looking up, his jaw clenched. Felix pursed his lips, crossing his own arms.

Cinnamon burned your nose.

“Okay, fine. Let's say the company does discriminate. Why would you even want to work here if that was the case? Why not go find another job, one where you don't have to lie and hide who you are?” He wondered.

“Because this is my dream, Felix. Working in this industry, being a part of the process, getting to use the languages I busted my ass to learn.” You let out a harsh sigh and flopped back onto the seats behind you. “And even if it wasn't, why should I have to give up an opportunity just because the company refuses to hire anyone who isn't a beta?”

“You wouldn't have to lie,” Felix mumbled.

It felt like an accusation, a dirty shot to your pride, and your metaphorical hackles raised as a defense rested on your lips, ready to be shot back. But a small sound behind you made you pause. You turned back to glance at Chan, and for once, he was looking back.

He looked tired.

You hadn't noticed before, too busy worrying about the meeting. But now, really taking him in for the first time, you could see the circles under his eyes, the way the hoodie on his head was slipping back to reveal messy curls, the slump in his shoulders. Ironically, seeing his exhaustion made you feel tired, almost resigned.

You didn't want to fight with Felix. You had felt attacked, accused of doing something wrong, and had immediately flown into defensive mode. But this wasn't about trying to prove yourself right. You were here to get Felix to understand.

You took a deep breath, calming yourself. “Felix, what would you have done if the company had implemented the no omega rule when you were a trainee?”

Felix frowned. “I would have had to go somewhere else, I guess.”

“What if every company had that rule? What if you were no longer allowed to be an idol, just because you were an omega. How would that make you feel?” You said softly, seeing the understanding slowly grow on his face.

The blond was quiet for at least a full minute, staring intently at the wall as he thought. A range of emotions began to flash across his face, and the way the cinnamon in the air began to ease up assured you he was coming to an understanding. Movement at your side drew your attention to Chan as he sat down next to you, giving you a small smile.

“It doesn't seem fair, but that's how things work out sometimes,” He said. “Believe me, I wasn't thrilled at the idea at first. But I get it.”

Felix nodded his head. “Yeah, I get it too. I don't like it-”

“But you get it,” Chan finished.

“Yeah.”

You patted Chan’s leg. “I don't like it either, but I'm willing to do what I need to stay here. It's important to me.”

Felix let out a sniffle, and then a full on sniff. “I don't understand how you do it, though. You smell like a beta.”

“Dont worry about it,” You told him, shooting Chan a look.

The alpha blatantly ignored it. “It's a ‘Pheromone based perfume.’” He said, with air quotes and all.

Felix raised his eyebrows at that. “You're wearing someone else's scent?”

“I didn't steal it from them, if that's what you're asking,” You said, once again defensive.

Felix raised his hands. “I'm not judging.”

“Sounds kinda judgy,” you muttered.

He bit his lip, eyes flickering to where Chan sat next to you. He walked over to your other side, hesitating at the end of the couch until you let out a sigh, patting the seat. With your permission, Felix settled down next to you.

“I'm not judging you. I promise. I just don't … I dont like the idea of you having to hide yourself. It's not fair.”

Chan reached over from behind you to rest a hand on his omegas shoulder. Feeling the need to reassure him yourself, you grabbed one of Felix's hands with your free one (the other still resting on Chan’s leg, but you felt too awkward to move it now. Guess it was stuck there).

“It's okay,” You tried.

“It's really not.”

And it wasn't, so you didn't bother trying to argue with him about it. Instead, you allowed yourself to melt against the two aussies, warmth flowing into your body from both sides. You almost felt tempted to fall asleep.

“I am kind of curious,” Felix said, breaking the silence. “What you really smell like.”

You turned your head towards him, nose brushing up against his cheek. You mumbled out a sorry, pushing yourself back, subsequently pressing your back to Chan's chest.

“Not in a weird way. Its just that Chan mentioned it before, when he came home that night-” Felix clarified.

“Way to throw me under the bus,” Chan mumbled in english.

“-and I kind of wanted to see if he was right.”

You tilted your head to the side. “Right about what?”

“If you really smell as sweet as he said.”

Felix was giving you a flirtatious look, but you found yourself more amused than anything.

“He said that, huh?”

“Really mate?” Chan was pulling away from you and Felix, and you let out a squeak at the sudden loss of temperature from behind.

And also because your forgotten hand was suddenly remembered by both you and Chan as he tried to get up, your hand slipping from his leg and towards the floor with nothing left to support it. You tilted to the side, and both Chan and Felix moved to grab you. In the rush to catch you, you ended up pulling Felix towards you by your still joined hands, and he reached his own free hand out to catch himself. Your legs flailed as you tilted, and a hand cupped your head seconds before it hit the ground. Chan gave you and Felix panicked looks as the moving bodies settled, bent over at the waist where he was cradling your head, the other raised in Felix's direction as if to catch him.

You were the first one to laugh at the situation, a snort forcing its way through your nose. And then Felix followed, a high pitched cackle escaping as he realized the ridiculousness of your positions. Chan let out his own chuckle, trying to help you up, but his own leg caught on the couch, and he fell to his knees, hand still under your head.

Felix laughed harder.

“Are you okay?” You said, smiling wildly.

Face an inch from yours, Chan grinned. “I'm perfect.”

-0-0-

Sunday morning was the moment you finally managed to get Sooyoung alone. She was home, and she didn't have any classes that day, and you were ready for her.

When she came downstairs that morning, looking sleepy, you sat up on the couch. She glanced at you as she made her way to the kitchen, and you gave her your best puppy-dog eyes, patting the seat next to you.

She paused.

“I understand if you're still mad, but I really would like to talk. Please.”

She blinked slowly at you, mouth pursing, and to your disappointment, she continued on towards the kitchen. You had almost lost hope until you noticed her grab two glasses from the cupboard, filling one up with water and leaving it untouched, downing the other one in one go. She walked back towards the living room with the extra cup.

Straight towards you.

She placed the cup in front of you. “Your face is puffy. You always forget to drink water.”

You didn't bother holding back your smile. “So, not mad?”

Sooyoung let out a sigh, and finally sat down next to you.

“I’m not mad,” She repeated softly, gaze focused away from you. “To be truthful, I regretted snapping at you the minute I left the room.”

“It wasn’t your fault. You were right.”

She snorted. “Of course I was right. But I understand why you didn’t want to listen.”

The both of you were silent for a moment. You could hear heavy footsteps from above, your upstairs neighbor once again proving their feet must have been made out of lead. It was something the two of you had talked about often before, and the sudden reminder of your own little inside joke had both of you glancing at one another with smiles.

It felt like the air was suddenly lighter. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

You didn’t hesitate to throw yourself across the couch, Sooyoung opening up her arms with little resistance to catch you. It made your chest flutter as you soaked in her scent. For the first time in two weeks, you felt like everything was going to be alright between you two.

-0-0-

You should have known that good things don't last. The relief of both talks you had been dreading surprisingly going well lasted all up until Monday morning.

As all things do, the disasters came in three's.

The first inconvenience came in the form of a malfunctioning alarm, which you were positive you had set up the night before, but for some reason never rang. Instead, you were shaken awake by a panicked Sooyoung, telling you that if you didn't leave soon, you would be late for your flight. And so, half asleep, still wearing your pajamas top (you threw a hoodie on in the cab when you realized), and with messy hair, you arrived at the airport 15 minutes late.

You were just lucky you had packed the night before.

But that's when the next disaster struck. Stray Kids manager was waiting for you when you arrived, and he guided you to the check in area. But there was something wrong with the luggage options on your ticket, and the airline wouldn't let you send your suitcase with the rest of the group's luggage unless you paid extra (which you didn't have the money for). Of course, you only had one suitcase, and Soojin was convinced it would be fine for you to just take it with you as a carry on. And normally, you would agree.

But the idea of bringing your luggage with you through security very quickly brought up another problem. You had your pheromone perfume in your bag, more than enough for the trips you'd take on the tour, but more than the allowed amount of liquids that could pass through security. You realized pretty quickly that if they pulled that bottle out in front of everyone, it could very well out your lie to everyone right here, right now.

You panicked.

The rest of the group were gone, having just finished checking in when you arrived. Soojin had only stayed behind to make sure you got through the check in, and he was already on his way towards security. You turned to the lady at the check in desk with wide eyes, pretending like you just remembered something.

“I have a bottle of perfume in my bag. That can't pass security, can it?”

The lady paused. “Oh, no. Sorry, you'll have to leave it behind.”

Yeah, that wasn't happening.

“Actually, is it okay if I leave it in my friend's suitcase? I'm sure he wouldn't mind,” You said, flashing your best smile.

The lady gave a hesitant look to where Soojin had already disappeared around the corner, and then to the few suitcases still being loaded onto the conveyor belt by workers. After a moment of consideration, she gave you a nod, and you moved.

You grabbed your bag, quickly located the perfume wrapped in a towel (so it wouldn't break), and under the careful eyes of the check in lady you grabbed the only bag you were sure belonged to one of the members. It was a dark black suitcase that Chan had been pulling to the pile of other suitcases when you arrived, and you blindly shoved the towel covered bottle in as quickly as you could.

You got back to your feet fast, and with a quick bow to the lady and the workers, you grabbed your own bag and hurried after the rest of the group.

Soojin gave you a weird look as you finally joined him. “Are you okay? Were there any other problems?”

“Nope,” You said a little too quickly. “Just had a question.”

He didn't get the chance to question it, as the security called him through to the other side at that moment.

Thankfully, everything seemed to go well. There were no red flags, the group made their way to the gate- Maya was thrilled to find out she would be sitting next to you on the plane- and you all settled down in the waiting area. It was only then that you approached the idols cautiously, doing your best to pretend you weren't being watched by the other staff.

It was Minho who spotted you first, raising his head as you approached and giving you a curious look. With his attention pulled, the others followed suit. Felix's face brightened as he spotted you, and Jisung gave you a wave.

“Hey! We almost thought you weren't going to make it,” Chan said from his own seat.

Next to him, Hyunjin gave you a side eye, purposely looking away from you as if you were an inconvenience. You ignored the alphas' behavior in favor of returning Felix's smile, the omega patting the seat next to him with a mischievous look. Chan let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

“Um, I was actually hoping I could talk to you,” You told Chan, gesturing with your head to a part of the waiting area that didn't have a lot of people.

At this, both Hyunjin and Jeongin turned to look at you, and the others were doing a bad job of pretending like they weren't also listening in. Chan gave you a sheepish smile, turning to hand Hyunjin his sweater.

“I'll be right back.”

You gave the others a strained smile, quickly making your way over to a corner you felt was isolated enough that you wouldn't be heard. Just as a precaution, you lowered your voice anyway.

“Sooo,” you began, giving a glance to the group still behind you. There were far too many eyes on you, including Hyunjin's less than friendly look. You grimaced. “What's his problem?”

Chan glanced back over his shoulder, and Hyunjin immediately looked away. “Ah. That would be … our fault.”

“Come again?”

He sighed. “Felix hasn't stopped talking about you since Saturday. Nothing bad!” He assured you. “He hasn't mentioned … you know.” He gestured to you. “It's just, you know. Bringing you up to the others, trying to see what they think of you.”

“Oh god, is this about the courting?” You groaned, remembering the question he had asked on Saturday.

“When are you planning on courting them,” Felix had said jokingly, nudging Chan on the shoulder.

You had shot the two a look. “Never. It's against the rules.”

Felix raised a brow. “Oh, now you're worried about rules.”

You shot him a look. “I'm serious, Felix. If the company found out I hooked up with Chan, I would be fired on the spot. They can't afford that kind of scandal.”

“I mean-” Chan shut his mouth when you turned your glare to him, raising his hands. “Hey! It's not like either of us knew. You weren't even staff back then.”

“Do you think the company would care? The media? Your fans?”

Felix pursed his lips. “But cant we at least tell the other members?”

“No.”

“Why not? They wouldnt say anything, you can trust them!”

“I wasnt even sure I could trust you,” You told him bluntly. “The only reason I changed my mind was because I didnt want it to affect your relationship with Chan. Dont make me regret that choice.”

Felix had slumped back with a pout. “Okay, okay.”

He had dropped the topic, but you could see he want fully convinced. And now, trying to ignore the harsh judging look you were being given by Hyunjin, you were reassured in your decision against telling them the truth. If thos was how he was acting just at the mention of you …

“He means well,” Chan said softly. “Its just Hyunjin gets jealous, especially when it comes to Felix.”

“Tell Felix to stop talking about me then. I really dont want to have any more issues on this trip,” you groaned.

“Anymore?” Chan's brows pulled down in worry. “Is everything okay?”

“Thats actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I had a slight hiccup at the check in.” You raised your hand to quiet him when he started to speak. “It's okay, everything is sorted out. But I had to stash something in your suitcase.”

He let out a nervous laugh. “It's not drugs, is it?”

You slapped his arms. “No, it's not drugs.” You both laughed at that. “I gave you my pheromone perfume. It would have been flagged if it went through security.”

Chan scratched the back of his head, looking confused. “I mean, yeah. That makes sense. But how did you know which bag was mine?”

You blinked slowly. “It was the one you handed to the workers, wasn't it?”

He still looked confused.

“Big, black? Wheels on the bottom?” No recognition on his face. Your heart started to beat a little quicker than normal. “Had a silver handle?”

He shook his head. “That doesn't sound like my bag, that sounds like-” He paused, and you had a sinking feeling in your stomach.

You both shared a knowing look.

“Whose bag was it?”

And as if fate itself was controlling your life, pulling the strings on irony, the third disaster reared its head in the shape of a jealous blond dancer.

Chan's head dropped with a bitter laugh.

“It was Hyunjins.”

Fuck.

-0-0-

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