#im depressed right now so dont expect it to be good

[meryl-melys]

Prison art

I was supposed to do maths, but rivalsduo sneaked into my mind, so…

[sw33t-oubliette]

doing shitty again wooo yay.

[qumiiiquinnquin]

ill never be good enough at anything

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

[audiovisualrecall]

Love how I can ruin something so easily

[yongseungkim]

.

[afternines]

I HAVE TO LAUGH I HAVE TO LAAUGGGGFHFH

[vampykween]

Crazy idea for toxic husband simon? Lets send them to couples counselling >:]

hehe i love this idea! sorry this took so long i pondered over how to write it, but i like how it turned out! these two deserve a brief reprieve from all the angst so enjoy this little glimmer of hope <3

“i still don’t think we need to do this, love” 

“so, you’ve said. can you please just go get the kids ready to leave, im not finished getting ready.” you mentally count down from ten while leaning over the bathroom sink attempting to finish up your makeup. you know by the time you hit ten, simon will have volleyed back some comment you’re in no mood to hear. 

“’s therapy, not a fashion show. dont even get why you’re getting dolled up anyway.” he’s unbelievably predictable. 

you roll your eyes and stare pointedly in his direction. “you know if you’re trying to convince me you still love me, you should try just saying ‘wow babe you look beautiful, of course i’ll get the kids ready’.” simon squints his eyes at you as if he’s actually considering what you’re saying, huffs, and stalks off in the direction of your daughters’ room. 

~ 

maybe your husband(?) was right, this does feel stupid. you two are sitting in a far too stuffy room with plain decorations, on a too-plush couch that makes you sink further with every movement. you don't even realize the therapist is asking you something until simon places a hand on your bouncing knee, stilling it to catch your attention. your heart shouldn’t stutter at the small display of affection, but simon hadn’t touched you in so long the touch melted the icy feelings you had towards him.

the session goes far better than you had expected. you didn’t think simon would open up much, but he was a lot more willing to admit his faults than you figured he’d be. you couldn’t help but stare at him incredulously, where was this man when you two were at home? when you were begging and pleading for help with literally any and everything? a part of you starts to feel bad when simon’s revealing his feelings of depression and worthlessness, not that you’re giving him a pass for the years of transgression, but once upon a time he was your soulmate and your heartbreaks knowing he was in so much pain.

maybe you didn’t see it because you were blinded by rage, or because you were so exhausted day in and day out, you didn’t have time to think of anything other than being a mom. you both come to the realization, with the therapist’s help of course, that you were both so eager to rush into life that you never stopped to consider what that would actually look like. you wanted a baby so badly that even when things started to snowball into madness you two convinced yourselves that this was just the way it was and that it had to be worth it somehow.

as you’re both walking back to the car, you leave feeling a whole lot lighter than when you went in. sure no major hurdles were cleared. you weren’t sure when you’d be able to kiss and love on your husband again without being confronted with everything he wasn’t doing, but you two are going to take it slow and learn to listen to each other. give and take. push and pull. as you slide into the passenger seat, simon tugs gently at one of your hands and interlocks his fingers with yours.

“i know i can’t take back the past, but i’m serious about changing. i want to be better for you, for us, and for our girls.”

you’re not sure what you had expected him to say, but his words have your breath caught in your throat. you distinctly remember a time when he promised he would be good to you, and he failed. you wanted to badly to believe him now, hearing the sincerity in his voice. warring between what the angry part of you wants to say and what the hopeful part of you wants to say, you land on a simple response of “okay”

“okay?”

“yes, okay. i’m not ready to forgive you yet and i don’t know when i ever will be. but i am saying that i will try.” his eyes lock with yours and you can see the emotion brewing in them, he doesn’t offer any words back. he simply squeezes your hand three times in quick succession. i love you. maybe just maybe things will work out this time.

[correctproseka]

An essay on autistic Mafuyu

Coming from a very autistic person.

Mafuyu has a bunch of autism symptoms, but a lot of them can also be explained by other reasons, such as her upbring and trauma, but not all of them, so I'm going to start speaking about the explainable by other things traits and move up to "boy you're tism". (Notw that the trauma explanation can also have a pre-disposition to happen due to tism)

In the biggest "can be explained by her trauma" category, we actually have the biggest reason people headcanon her as autistic. Her Alexithymia. Which is just a fancy word for "can't recognize her own feelings". No i did not have to copy paste that name to not write it wrong. Yes, many autistic people are bad at recognizing their own feelings, me included. But we also have to note that Mafuyu absolutely hid away those feelings for a mask and because they were needs not being met, a "good girl" like her doesnt get sad or angry right? Thats what made her push down those feelings so much she just ended up.. numb. Its extremely common in depression as well as autism which made me personally not realize i was depressed until someone made me put it into words, it was similar to my normal.

Theres also her.. exquisite vocabulary, Mafuyu uses lots of fancy terms sometimes, which is very stereotypical white boy autism. But also, she was pushed books down her throat by her mom since she was a child, she was expected to be this "fancy" and "smart-sounding". So she is.

Observant. Mafuyu doesn't talk a lot, she observes. She can recognize things on others sometimes, but mostly about the environment, which can be an autism noticing a bird singing 5 blocks away or a trauma "i need to notice this or i get fucked" reaction.

Mafuyu as mentioned, tends to listen more than speak, I am personally not this kind of autism, but it exists, Mafuyu is quiet, listening and only speaking when she feels her input is needed. This can be simply a mixture of autism and trauma. She doesn't feel the need to speak, so she doesn't, why would she waste her energy like that? Smh.. but also her good girl mask is supposed to be a good listener, not much of a yapper.

Now we are starting to move onto the things she does that are less explained by trauma and more explained by tism. Which is my favorite part to analyze.

Parallel play: Mafuyu seeks comfort with being with niigo and working alongside them, she doesn't even need to be talking, as seen by the kitty event where she kept just listening to them on earphones, she just wants to be near her people and gets calmed down by being with them.

Bluntness. As an autistic person i am extremely blunt in wrong situations, and can easily not recognize its the wrong situation. Per example Mafuyu's "why dont you imagine you're gonna get killed if you dont do it in half an hour" or all the times she points something out to Ena and gets a scream back because it was the wrong time? Mafuyu says what she thinks and when out of the mask she really. Really. Lacks a filter, because she doesn't know when or what she's supposed to speak or not

She.. kind of needs people to say the obvious? Sometimes she doesnt realize whats going on, why she's reacting in a way, so and so. One of the reasons Mizuki had to tell her it's ok to run away. Mafuyu never considered it. It wasn't obvious for her like it would be for a lot of people, she's kind of very oblivious in emotional matters like that, and needs someone (coughs usually Mizuki) to explain something to her

There's probably more but im doing this in like 15 minutes.

Plus, all in all, she makes autistic people like me really relate to her, even if they can be mostly explained by trauma doesnt mean she doesn't show those signs or that they're only because of that, even the mask she uses is a known neurodivergent thing.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: Miraculous World: London, At the Edge of Time

(Spoilers for those that havent seen it. and yes this will be my sort of Live reaction, with my thoughts at the end)

-Okay so Nooroo be sad and trying to appeal to this person's morality.

-Okay so I was wrong about them being Adrien, but they are... Blond Lila?

-Okay, so She was actually BOTH akumatized Villains. Not gonna lie, That is so expected I assumed one of them would be adrien. Damn

-Intro be dope though

-So they are playing some weird variant of chess.

-If I was kid Alix, Id be salty, I would never. win since the other versions of me KNOW all my moves.

-OH DAMN GRANNY BUNNYX! 70, damn she looks good for 70

-Oh they be fading, and they arent even phased. Because they know what will happen. Wow... kind of takes the drama out of this

-Oh cool, recap

-They dont even bother saying he was originally called monarch.

-Alix is so valid for that comment about them kissing

-"Gabriel makes his wish, history is still on course." Yep they are playing the Miguel O' Hara is right canon event bit unironically.

-Portals start vanishing. But the drama is gone because YOU KNOW Alix will fix it

-Oh there is a depressed Bugnoire. Confirmed that merge miraculous can still use powerups.

-She goes to London. Damn this is depressing, and sterile

-Bugnoire casual destroys the cell to free Kagami made me chuckle

-Marinette reflecting on what happened. talking with Gabriel

-"Adrien cannot find out."

TO THE SURPISE OF F***ING NOBODY!

-Kagami calling her out but then saying she will oblige her

-Oh they actually talking about Tomoe.

-Kagami wants to try and talk to her mom, which Marinette honors because... at least she isnt being a hypocrite here.

-Okay I know I am a bit nasty, but I do appreciate the time the scene is taking. its really building up the tension to this.

-Gorilla out of nowhere just like "Let me unlock it first." that made me chuckle

-I feel VERY CONFLICTED. Because on one hand, LOVE THE ANGST. Absolutely just perfection. Really milk that drama. But f*** do I HATE how this came about.

-Oh the Lie is actually pretty convincing. Oh look at how absolutely distraught Adrien is. Boy is f***ing wrecked.

-OH DAMN ADRIEN OUTBURST

-That Adrigami comforting.

-I want to love this absolutely heartshattering scene. Its beautiful, its angsty.

-Okay, you know what. I will hold my reservations until I actually finish.

-You can just see the absolute distraught face of Marinette. SHE HATES THIS. SHE ABSOLUTELY HATES WHAT SHE IS DOING. OH THAT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL ANGSTY THING. Its slowly warming me up a bit, the finale was missing this.

-Oh damn, Nathalie knows Marinette is Ladybug. WELP, just another person that knows thats not Adrien.

-Oh damn, Ladybug monologue, while she destroys everything related to Hawkmoth, monarch, and his scheme. In a way, becoming his greatest accomplice.

-The press conference is full of a lies. Wow its starting to feel just like real life.

-Nathalie comforting Adrien, such a soft scene. Meanwhile Tomoe and Kagami are cold to eachother

-Marinette is at the train station

-That adrinette hug.... yea, thats the good stuff

-Im happy the kwami are safe.

-There is a lot of not talking in these moments. letting the music set the tone.

-And day becomes night, Marinette sleeps with Plagg and tikki by her side. Now she asks if what she did was right

-Is there a kwami of truth? Because if there is, I wonder what animal it is

-WAIT, She lied to Alya too? THAT I didnt see coming.

-And right there, we see when the special ACTUALLY Starts

-Okay the vest is funny

-The burrow has a slowed down time aspect, makes sense because of the whole time travel thing.

-So they have to take Marinette's Miraculous from when she renounced it. For a split second, I thought she was talking about the Kwami choice, but it was actually Origins. Which makes more sense

-So thats why Tikki becomes so sure of Marinette.

-She changed colors? Why thoough?! Granted I do prefer it to the original costume, but not as much as the lucky charm form.

-"There is no such thing as ghost." GHOST FORCE WOULD LIKE A WORD MARINETTe

-Basically she can phase through things like Kitty pride. And be invisible. So like a Ghost.

-Ladybug verses the Ghost akuma

-She cant touch them

-Calender. it means you have to go to a different time

-This special really likes hammering in that Ladybug's lie is wrong, yet at the same time NO ONE is offering her an alternative. So it feels like the special isnt really committing to the "Marinette is right" or "Marinette is wrong."

-"Sorry, you cant take the butterfly miraculous cause Canon Event." Yea this is getting repetitive

-So Time Stalker was there. Saw Ladybug was Marinette

-Yea, not gonna lie. All the clips showing the finale only remind me how much I HATE it.

-Gabriel f***s off to leave his son an orphan but gets to be with his wife. Thus getitng his wish forever and now Ladybug has to basically let it happen because F*** her in particular

-NATHALIE WITH A CROSSBOW!

-Nathalie telling the small crying teen who was willing to sacrifice HERSELF, that she didnt have to go that far. People often forget Marinette is a TEENAGER going through s***. Nathalie should have stopped Gabriel earlier

-That aside, all this special reinforced is that Gabriel is an idiot. He really could have won so much easier

-And thats how Time stalker found out

-Marinette figured out they were the same person, clever writing

-Super ghost and Super Spy dumb names

-I love Barkk. She is like "Dont be so sure"

-Man this special really retreads a lot of old ground a lot

-Miraculous Bug Noire

-So Bugnoire saying until they get the butterfly miraculous back. She cant tell him the truth.... Yea no. Thats dumb. I still find this very dumb.

-But the whole mini portal thing was funny to me. Why not just make a portal under them to pull them in.

-There we go.

-SHE HAS MORE OF THEM? Okay thats pretty clever

-"He or She?" if it wasnt present bunnyx Id assume she knew.

-The explanation on why Nathalie cant tell Adrien is also bulls**t.

-A wiseman once said, the "Truth hurts but once, but a Lie will ache forever" Marinette is basically setting up for worse

-I will say, the Choreography in these encounters is pretty cool.

-Okay the plan was clever

-Ladybug is apparently REALLY good at forging signatures. Are we sure Marinette isnt a future villainess?

-The Ladybug monologue with that funky beat was fun

-HEHEHE Lila Temper tantrum

-Poor Nooroo

-Well the plan worked.

-Bunnyx not being sad about having to stay as Bunnyx.

-Wait, so how come they can go ride dinosaurs if they cant mess with time?

-So bunnyx says "Hey its cool to lie as long as you own up to it eventually." Thats a fucking terrible lesson for kids to learn. I hope everyone reading this knows that

-Wait... is Chronobug dead?

-Nope, she is still alive

-Plagg is confused. But Tikki knows. Okay thats cute

-Marinette fixing the miraculous and upgrading them. Thats neat

-Marinette's logic for spreading it out makes sense at least. And the new hawkmoth doesnt know the heroes identities. Tomoe might though

-Okay, Plagg is cute.

-Ah yes, the Ladynoir

-There is that Hug. Thats that good stuff

-Chat noir's guilt and Ladybug's Guilt

-And then Lila's monologue at the end

___________________________________________________________

Now... How do I feel about this special?

I am torn.

On one hand, it did show that Marinette is feeling the effects of the secrets she is keeping. She is clearly feeling guilty about it. And the special does a LOT to justify what she is doing and never outright gives her a pass for it. I also LOVED that sweet succulent ANGST. Good stuff.

on the Other hand, some of the explanations are not good (like Adrien not finding out until after the butterfly is found? It makes no sense), and it hand waves a LOT of things. Not to mention, it does basically have Marinette, Kagami and Nathalie in this secret Cabal of secrets. Tomoe is basically not held accountable. And the whole Canon event thing and time travel basically means there is never any real danger. So it really takes the wind out of this.

But BUT, This special does at least imply that this secret will be the cause of tension, now the question is IF the show will actually deliver on this angst.

I dont hate this special as it does illuminate a LOT of what was missing from the Season 5 finale... that being said, I still hate the season 5 finale.

so its 6/10.

[beurkivol]

JORGE CANT HURT US MORE ISNT ? [WISDOM SAGA EDITION | SPOILERS]

at the end of the thunder saga I was crying my eyes out. But hey, I said to myself, as an unquestioning optimist. Now that all the crew are dead, no one's going to die, so no more emotional damage, it's DONE, and he can't do the pancake thing again, Jay! Ahhhh. I was optimistic and naive. I'd forgotten that Mr Jay was as crazy as I was. Or worse. So here we go, rewinding the traumas!

Legendary :

legendary spared us quite a bit at the beginning, at least all the sweet stuff with Telemachus playing Disney princesses. Only argos got me, but then argos is ‘only’ in the animatics. well, I'm going to count the animatics because I was at the livestream.

And then antinous. It's not so much the trauma as the distress of telemachus that was touching. And I jumped up when I heard antinous' words. I was expecting threats, vulgarity, in short, for him to be hurtful, but I wasn't expecting that.

little wolf

Little Wolf was also quite calm. What I mean by that is that the trio of songs shared by Athena and Telemachus can be touching, that Antinous is worrying, the songs aren't bathed in the same dark, worrying and pessimistic atmosphere as those in Thunder Saga. Athena brings light and hope to Telemachus and you think ‘that's it, a goddess against all this rubbish, it'll be over in no time’. Even if telemachus takes a beating against antinous, he's got an impressive level up and with just a little more help from athena he'll be able to beat everyone.

We'il be fine

when we'il be fine, i screamed, because ATHENA CHARACTER ARC. Because she calls odysseus her friend, she calls telemachus good kid, because you feel the chemistry between the two and it's incredible. you feel all the hope in this song, and telemachus is definitely the reincarnation of polites. And the reference to your light is sublime.

Love in paradise

the little recap at the beginning of love in paradise is nice, especially in animatic, I was riveted. I have to admit that for Love in Paradise I was really waiting for a slightly comic song where Calypso acts like a 2 year old fangirl. I totally underestimated Jay. Already. 1. the music grabbed me right in the heart. And…. sorry but the depressive part of the song? ‘ody, get away from the lenge’. I thought polites couldn't fool me any more. LOST. JUST LET ME CLOSE MY EYES, MY OPENS ARMS. odysseus's howl at the end broke my heart. You could really feel his despair. I couldn't even see ‘im a monster now’ (not the raw raw raw version the edgy version), I just saw a depressed, borderline suicidal guy. heartbreaking.

God games

god games. i was expecting a punchy, catchy, song. A great song. But i was not expecting the end. (i do a little post about, and 2 other about athena)

in other words, ZEUS STAGGERING HIS OWN DAUGHTER, HIS FAVORITE DAUGHTER. AND HER, WALKING IN THE LIGHTNING, MOTIVED BY A VISION OF THE FAMILY SHE IS FIGHTING FOR, FALLING ON THE FLOOR IN HER OWN BLOOD AND BEGGING HIS FATHER (WHO TRIED TO KILL HER) TO LET GO HIS FRIEND AND PASSED OUT OR DYING WE DONT KNOW.

do i really need to said more ? NO.

but im going to analyse all that more i swear...

Jorge, im watching you. If athena dies, im going to do something bad.

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

I hope y’all like my OC’s!! I picked them cuz theyre the closest i have to Vampires and werewolves :) and also because theyre my favorite :)

For those who dont have an account on the artfight but are still interested in my oc’s, I’ve provided the description that i gave them on their pages under the cut off :)

These two are from the story im working on that i hope to turn into a webcomic one day called Where Does The Heart Lie! I hope you enjoy~

Kreios:

Overview:

Kreios is a 6'7" shaggy man who is visibly inconvenienced by most things in his life. He works as a Territory Patrol Captain for his Clan that resides in The Forest of Thieves. He is albino, has depression, is demiromantic/asexual and his personality type is ISFP

His design is based off of the idea of "a sheep in wolf's clothing" to compliment his counterpart, Ivaylo, whose design is based around "a wolf in sheep's clothing". As such, he wears a wolf hide Coat, but is otherwise a shaggy sheep of a man.

Mannerisms/Way of Life:

-Kreios is just gigantic and he lumbers and slouches everywhere he goes.

-He falls asleep randomly even while standing up and when he's asleep, you could put anything near him and he'd hold it.

-He doesn't respect other people much. He's only here to do a job, and when he's done, he goes home.

-When Kreios is in his little apartment, he's either carving, cooking, or sleeping. he doesnt have guests, he doesnt hold parties, he's simply alone. And that's the way he likes it.

-He makes money on the side taking carving commissions from others in his clan. What is usually ordered is a Chess set.

-Kreios is crazy good at playing chess.

-He's not blind nor is he not paying attention, he's a very strategically intelligent man. However, people often underestimate his intelligence because of his aloof nature.

-he is not very visibly expressive due to the hair in front of his eyes and he tends to keep a neutral mouth shape. However if he's feeling inconvenienced, he's gonna hit you with a scowl.

Where His Heart Lies:

Kreios feels so deeply. When he respects, when he protects, when he loves. He does it all with all of his Heart and his soul. If he loves you, you'll know it. He hates hiding any of his emotions and is also terrible at lying.

Dynamic With Ivaylo:

He and Ivaylo were childhood friends, but life kept pulling them apart. Their childhood village was destroyed by an ever-growing empire, they wound up finding homes in different clans in their young adult years, and now they must keep their relationship to each other bottled up even though their territories have moved to be right next to each-other's.

Until their clans can become allies, they cannot interact.

Ivaylo:

Overview:

Ivaylo is a very particular Clan Leader who expects the most from everyone. His clan is made up of those who were cast out of their own clans in the Forest of Thieves for their various disabilities. The first person he took in was a little girl missing the bottom half of her left leg and he now refers to her as his daughter. He has anxiety and mild OCD, is homoromantic/homosexual, and his personality type is ISFJ

His design is based off of the idea of "a Wolf in Sheep's clothing" to compliment his counterpart, Kreios, whose design is based around "a Sheep in Wolf's clothing". As such, he wears a sheep hide vest under his big fur coat.

Mannerisms/Way of Life:

-Ivaylo commands and expects respect from all.

-He is very particular about small details. When he started living in the forest, he couldnt control much, so what he can control, he will do so perfectly in his eyes. His hair may look unorderly, but rest assured it is perfectly quaffed.

if something isn't right orderly-wise in his eyes, he will only focus on that one thing and cannot focus even if he's having a conversation with someone or even fighting

-In a work setting, he is ruthless and cold, but out of work, he is also cold, but in a "leave me alone" kind of way. a lone wolf, if you will. He finds having close relationships with those he feels are his employees is incredibly improper.

-Though he is cold, he is never quick to anger. He keeps a level head always.

-He admires loyalty and is very loyal to ones he loves.

-He is crazy bad at playing chess.

-Ivaylo walks with his head held high.

Where His Heart Lies:

-He wants to make a better life for his whole clan, but mainly his daughter, Calbex, who he refers to as X. All he wants is to live a peaceful life with those he loves.

-Life twisted him into a cold monster, but at heart he's very childish and sports a very impish smile. You can get him to giggle if you compliment him.

Kreios:

He and Kreios were childhood friends, but life kept pulling them apart. Their childhood village was destroyed by an ever-growing empire, they wound up finding homes in different clans in their young adult years, and now they must keep their relationship to each other bottled up even though their territories have moved to be right next to each-other's.

Until their clans can become allies, they cannot interact.

Calbex:

Calbex is his daughter and he loves her so much. She's an eccentric gal, to say the very least. She knew him before he became a very large Clan leader and as such he can show his true self to her, but not completely. She is his daughter, after all, he must be strong for her and critical of her for her to learn to thrive in the environment they're in.

[ivy-diaries]

‎ ⁎ ‎ ‎ 𓍼 ‎ ‎ ๋ ‎ ◜ &.&. THE IVY INCIDENT ep 1. ◞ ‎ ... ‎ ‎

The intro plays, and Ivy appears on the screen smiling and leaning into the mic to speak. “Hello guys, welcome to my new podcast, 'The Ivy Incident!!’ This has been in the works ever since I stepped into the dive podcast studio when I came here to film the kpop daebak show with Eric so it's soo exciting to finally show you guys this project!” she laughs as the other staff there are heard clapping.

Laughing, she continues "so in this podcast, I invite my friends from the industry and we just you know, talk and share stories! It's a lot similar to Eric's but mine is more personal if you will because all these people are very very close to me and I've known them for a pretty long time! This episode is just gonna be me cuz this is like an introduction for all the first-time listeners who don't know who I am!" “So I heard Diane has some questions prepared for me, so let's get into it!” 

“let's start with the basics, yeah? Who is Ivy Jennifer James?” Diane asks her. 

“Oh we’re going back to the beginning okay! So as you’ve already mentioned, my name is ivy jennifer james. I was born in New Castle, Australia where I lived till I was five and then I moved to the US where again I lived for five years before moving to Korea when I was eleven. And in korea, i signed with bighit entertainment and when i was asked if i was ready to debut when i was 14 i think? I was like imma do it. So i debuted at 14 under both jype and bighit and the rest is history! And i'm here today hehe”

“What motivated you to pursue a career as a solo artist?”

“Hmm i think ever since i got into bighit, i've always wanted to be a soloist? I'm not really sure why but I always saw myself as a soloist for some reason. Even till now, if you ask my dad he’d say that i was born to do this” ivy laughs and continues “i think ever since i was little ive wanted to something in the field of music and performance”

“Was being a kpop idol your first choice?”

“It was actually! I mean keeping in mind that i started this since i was a literal child, it actually was my first choice. The kids at school did tease me for this but look at me now” ivy chuckles

“Who are your music inspirations?”

“That's a great question and I was literally talking to Jun about this this morning! I dont have one specific inspiration but i think i draw inspiration from any and all artists! I've been pretty inspired by the Beatles and Rolling Stone pretty recently and obviously, Taylor Swift is one of my biggest inspirations out there.” 

“Are you a sweet or savory type of person?”

“It honestly depends on my mood if i'm being honest” she laughs hard “now, im craving something savory! I'd kill for some fries right now oh man you’ve perked up my cravings now diane!!”

“What's the last song you listened to?”

Ivy laughs hard and almost tears up laughing “this is actually so funny oh my god the last song i listened to is actually a helium ingested cover of let me love you by justin bieber which yeonjun sung for me yesterday after a party we went to and let me tell you, it was soo funny!!”

“According to you, tell me 3 flaws and 3 qualities about yourself”

“Ooh, three qualities of mine would be, one, I think I'm kind I guess? Second, I'm somewhat responsible, and third and finally, I think I'm a human sized golden retriever because I'm very bubbly and very smiley smiley most of the time! And three flaws of mine are, one, i’m a big overthinker, i just rethink about every single choice or word of mine a little too much. Second, my moods are based on the weather…”

Ivy laughs at the look on Diane's face “yea.. My mood everyday kinda depends on how good the weather is.. That's why I'm not as fond of the rain because it makes me kind of depressed and I just shut myself off most of the time. Third, im a bit of a perfectionist so i expect any and all things to be a little too perfect.. If its not what i expect it to be, i just leave that and will not ever touch on it again and i know i should change these things and i am trying so.. yeah “

“okay, something similar but three things you like and three things you dislike”

 “I don't like these types of questions!!” she laughs “it makes me think too much to give an answer!! But anyways… hmm three things i like are, one, my husband” she giggles as a small blush is seen on her cheek “well it's true!! I wouldn't have married him if I didn't like him would I?” she giggles “second, i really love what i do so, my career and third, my loved ones! I love my friends and family because they've stuck with me through thick and thin and I'm really grateful for that!” she smiles and gives the camera a little hand heart

“three things i hate are.. Hmm lets see… one, people who do not value privacy. I've said this multiple times and i'll say this again but I do love my fans.. I love them a lot and I wouldn't be here without them. But there are some people who claim that they are fans but do unhinged stuff to get close to me. And like that's why I've sued some people for not valuing my privacy. I got hate for it but honestly I don't care when the privacy and the lives of the people i love are at stake."

"Second, coming back to a slightly normal side, I absolutely hate the smell of fish. I don't know if it's cuz im vegetarian but I always throw up whenever I smell it and third, coming back to a more serious side, I hate the fact that most people on the internet feel like it's their right to comment on us as celebrities or idols or as performers. It's so irritating that they don't even feel sorry for what they say. They don't know how much we over think it and it slowly becomes an insecurity that takes years to wear off.”

“Okay this is your second to last question and the question is, For listeners who may not have heard your music before, can you recommend a few songs that best represent your sound and artistic vision?”

“That is a really good question, oh my god! So I think my discography is quite diverse and I have a lot of songs for different kinds of people who like different things. So the top three songs that i’d recommend to people are, one, vengeance as its called. There's no explanation for that song but I loved making it and loved singing it so that's the first song and second, I have a song called lovers in the night  that i co wrote with seori which I absolutely loved and we had a great time writing the song. And third I think is, my whole album called “for us.”  which i wrote with yeonjun and its songs dedicated for each other and hence called for us!”

“Okay… last question, can you give us any hints of the upcoming guests you have here?” Diane asks, smiling knowingly. Ivy giggles and wiggles her fingers across the camera

“Well I guess I can.. But most of my friends have not given me exact dates of their free schedule so even i’m not really sure on whos coming” she laughs at herself “so that's all i can tell you now because that's just all i know so” she just shrugs as she smiles.

“That's it for this episode and I hope you guys enjoyed this. I'm so excited for all the things we have in store for you guys and I hope you look forward to it!! So this has been ivy so far and thank you for listening to the ivy incident! Have a good day or good night bye!!”

⋆ ivy taglist ˒ @stealanity @alixnsuperstxr @riikiblr @skz-libby @escapetheash (lmk if u wanna be added or removed)

⋆ priya says ˒ so this is not proofread so read at ur own risk lol <33 but if you've come this far,, please reblog with the bow emoji (🎀) so I know that readers are interactive and writers get the credit they deserve!! so lmk who you want to see on ivys podcast and any feedback tbh!! Happy reading!!

[roguesnezblog]

Trigger warning - Vent stuff (Suicide, bullying etc.) I am not feeling great. And I'm going to censor everything below if you don't want to read. But this post I wanted to make, one, for my own benefit. mentally, but I also feel like people who are in the same position as me could use an understanding ear. So...

Feeling real horrible. Like I shouldn't exist. To put it bluntly. Making the rounds of depression again. I want to type this out here and will most likely delete this later because being vunerable on the internet is not exactly, sometimes, met with anything good.

I won't go into detail on as to why either, since opening up about things you've done is usually weaponized online too. But lets say this: I have been made to feel, in some online spaces, that, My existance and presense should be eradicated.

I have been treated this way by these people for years. Over 5 years now. I had been bullied, and called horrible things, been witch hunted all the works that online crap can bring. And most people are in agreement, I should get over it by now. Who scares if a few people don't like you, don't want you around them? They have a right to believe that, and it's not like I didn't deserve it.

And I suppose in truth a part of me agrees. I dont expect approval, nor do I expect to be liked, a part of me rationally knows this. Not everyone online is going to be on a sympathetic understanding side of things.

But another part of me creeps back. You see, during this time, when people turned on me violently, for mistakes I've made and regret, I got low. Real low. Suicide low. I figured I was diplorable. Unforgivable. Disgusting. I felt like I should be punished. I did. Yanno. Self harm. A lot.

I figured the world would be better. Easier, if I wasn't in it. They made me believe this.

But I was always in conflict with reality. You see online isn't really half of my life. I have good parents, not perfect, but good. And a family who cares about me, and deep down, I knew if I was gone, if anyone, they would suffer for it.

So ...Suicide wasn't really an option. Not properly.

I had no choice but to endure lots of inflammatory comments, being excluded, distanced, the community (not this one) I wanted to feel a part of, and enjoy a love of drawing was...cruel.

I could rant more about what they did. How much they alienated and hurted me, broke down my character and warped me into this...percieved monster. But theres no point. And yanno I don't want to get into details like I said.

But a part of me still thinks that Im not a victim here. That I deserve it.

It's the rest that feels inconsolable. I don't want to die. I don't want to feel like thats the only option for me. To be erased. And think how much easier it would be for everyone else that I didn't exist.

But I want to be a kind person. I don't want to make people uncomfortable with my presense, or existance.

I shouldn't spare mercy to people who don't care. I know...But it's hard not to think when for your entire life you've been messed up.

Im pretty sure being some kinda autistic or at least neurodivergant doesn't help...(I haven't got diagnosed yet. Being a part of british NHS sucks. It would take me 5 years to get someone to see me. So they told me, and I'm considering private, but that costs 2,000 pounds and...Im scared honestly)

Anyway.

This feeling is often met with apathy, or "just don't think about it" by friends and family, who know somewhat about all this.

But it's hard.

It's heavy.

I just wish forgiveness could be an option. The mistakes I made, I learned from, and have never done again. But it's not enough.

It feels like this unending maw, gaping and cavernous. Swallowing me whole until it leaves nothing but that mistake left. They make it me. It's all I am. My identity. I am a literal monster to them. Something to fear like a boogeyman.

Not a dumb young adult who had no idea what they were doing.

I am nearly 30 now. I regret being stupid. Not knowing things, being ignorant and not just....being more calm at the time, but when people jump on you, you panic.

I have dug this hole. I know that... but it feels like I was forced to.

And the prolonged suffering, it's just....

I was happy for a time. You know? The fear and guilt lifted about a year ago for a while. When I found people who appriecate me, who care and want me around in that community, My confidence for a while was up. And I felt like I COULD exist. Live again, and be in spaces without feeling like I was a leech. I was happy and even talked to people in calls. I didn't have nightmares and I didn't feel like I needed to quit my freelance work.

There was...a couple of incidents, where I let my confidence blind me, approached people who haven't forgiven me, and told me to fuck off.

Which I did, to be fair...like I say: I don't have to be friends with everyone.

But...recently, the community pool has gotten thin. Drama happened (not to do with me, thank fuck, I couldn't deal with that stress I feel terrible for the people who have to endure it.) and spaces that were safe have been deleted. And the people who scorn me are now making a new space for them to pool into.

I've been excluded from that space.

That doesn't bother me, I have friends who will remain by my side. And this kinda happens everyone 6 months or so that people move spaces. But-

It's gut wrenching, to feel safe and forgiven. And then to be reminded that no, infact; You can't escape.

My friends will stay in spaces I feel safe in. And I know really- I'm not gonna loose much. But to be reminded that your existance would rather be purged? It's...not a fun feeling. Not to feel especially due to the struggles I've been facing and facing hard these past few months.

I suppose by writing all this, and saying all this, I just can't help but wonder in this mind space...Is it me? My fault? My brain is the one doing this...I am jumping from: Oh people I don't even like don't want me around? Better go die.

I made the mistake in the end....And this is my punishment. My torment for making a mistake.

It's ridiculous really...I shouldn't be feeling this way. But yet I am....I feel hopeless, empty. Sullen. Like theres no point, like all I feel and have been doing to grow, and move on....it doesn't matter. Because nothing changes.

I'm not sure exactly why Im writing this, or why Im even sharing these feelings, perhaps I just want people to talk to. Much as I love my friends, they get uncomfy talking like this... They can be dismissive and they don't really want to find a solution or confront it. I am just told to "forget it" and such. As I said before. But it doesn't help you know?

Putting this out there, it may make it worse...Which honestly; I fear. People online can look at something like this and use it to try make you worse, or kill yourself. Like....some people really just...get a kick out of making you feel like crap.

Im sure this is a sentiment that a lot of people, a lot of you, understand. It's cruel. Bullying and....I wish it would go away, not just for me, but for all of us....But I also hope a part of this can....maybe help someone?

That...something like this, isn't unusual....(unfortunately) and that some of you out there have been through the same thing...or are currently going through the same thing. And if thats the case...As someone who is feeling it at the current moment I want to say this to you:

You matter. You deserve to exist. You CAN live. And ...so long as you learn from your mistakes...That doesn't make you an evil, or even just a bad, person. You're a good person. You're a good person if you want to be better.

And....for you. I will keep this in mind for myself too. I fucked up. Maybe you did too...But we can be fuck ups together.

--------------------------------------------------------

I am not ok, but I think I will be. Admittedly, I could just not post this, but I think theres some value somewhere in this rant. I think it should be heard by some.

[sweetchaosbabe]

Hey so im the anon that was trying to manifest going to an rvent and also good exam resultss. Well its monday night noe and i didnt grt to go to that event and i also got horrible results. I wanted atleast like 80% but i dont think ill get even 60%..(the papers have been shown but we haven’t received report card.) anyways i rlly thought that i eoykd go to that event, i affirmrd so much ,did sats and also believed that i would go even at the last moments, i have no idea what went wrong . I also thought i would get good grades. Now im depressed, i had depended so many things on manifestation and without it ,i have so so many problems. Ive got board exams this year in 3 months and they are rrally really important i thought id manifest good grades but i dont know now.. i also may not be allowed to give them bcs i have low attendance (thought id manifest that problem away too) many teachers dont like me and so many of my assignments are incomplete idk what to do.my mind has also starting convincing me rhat my prrvious manifestations were just coincidences.Without being able to manifedt ,these problems away i wont be able to do anythng. Eithout manifestation,my life is awful

Hey babe, 💖 I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, and I want you to know that it’s completely okay to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. First things first: don’t be too hard on yourself. Manifestation is a journey, and sometimes things don’t show up exactly how or when we expect them to, but that doesn’t mean it’s not working for you.

Here’s what I want you to consider:

1. You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong

Sometimes when we put too much pressure on the outcome or feel like we need something to happen, it creates resistance. This can slow down the manifestation or make it seem like things are falling apart. That doesn’t mean you’re not capable of manifesting—it just means you were probably focused more on the lack of it (even without realizing it). The good news? You can still turn this around. ✨

2. Start Fresh

Take a deep breath, and know that this situation doesn’t define your manifesting power. It’s easy to get caught up in the 3D results, but remember that the 3D is just a reflection of past thoughts. It doesn’t mean your future is set in stone. Start fresh today with the belief that things can still shift—you’re the creator, and you have the power to change your reality.

3. Rebuild Your Confidence

I know it feels like everything went wrong, but don’t let your mind convince you that past manifestations were coincidences. The law of assumption is always working, even when things don’t show up the way we want. Start affirming again: “Manifestation is easy for me,” “Everything always works out in my favor,” and “I trust myself and my power.” You can build your confidence back by focusing on small wins—start manifesting little things to remind yourself how powerful you are. 💫

4. Focus on the End, Not the Obstacles

When it comes to your exams, attendance, and assignments, start focusing on the end result—seeing yourself already having passed your board exams with great results, having everything completed, and being in a good place with your teachers. Instead of worrying about how it will happen, live in the end and affirm that it’s already taken care of.

For example:

“I pass my board exams with ease.”

“My assignments are all complete and accepted.”

“Everything with my teachers is resolved in my favor.”

Let go of the small details and trust that things will shift in your favor.

5. Don’t Give Up

You’re going through a tough moment right now, but that doesn’t mean you should give up on manifesting. If anything, this is the time to persist even more. Take it one step at a time, and don’t feel like you have to solve everything all at once. Focus on rebuilding your mindset and trusting the process. You have the power to turn things around—start small if you need to, but don’t give up on yourself or manifestation.

You’re not alone in this, and things can and will get better. Keep affirming, stay strong, and remember—you’ve got this, babe. 💖

Sending you so much love and support. You’ll get through this. 💫

xoxo, sweetchaosbabe🌟

[thesimulacrasimp]

Ah shit, here we go again!

HAZBIN HOTEL EP 5-6 SPOILERS WARNING‼️

Ok i literally was waiting so much to see Lucifer n Lilith being a really happy and cute maried couple and now yall telling me that THEY DIVORCED??????? IM LITERALLY CRYIN WHAHT??? 😭

and OMG LUCIFER. HES SUCH A BABY, SWEETIE, SCRUNKY, CUTIE PATOOTIE!!! HES SO SILLY, I WISH I HAD DAD LIKE HIM. JUST LOOK AT HIM OH MAI GAHD

And his voice is really cool too! Not really what i expected him to sound like but still good! N the way he speaks is really funny too:

"Oh the applause! Oh please, thank u, thank u.. oh gOD WHO AM I KIDDING, THIS SUCKS!!"

"Daughter callin-- Da-DAU-DAUGHTER CALLING??? OH---"

"TAKE THAT, DEPRESSION!"

"Oh my golly!! You like girls!! SO DO I, WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!!!!"

Hes ABSOLUTELY my 2nd fave character after Vox. Hes such a sweetheart i cant---

Also can we talk about how Alastor said "Fuck you" to a KING OF HELL? LIKE I KNOW THAT THIS KING IS NOT REALLY KINGING BUT STILL I WOULDNT HAVE BALLS TO SAY THAT TO LUCIFER HIMSELF.

Also the fact that Alastor was immediatly so pissed when Luci just steped into hotel is really strange. Maybe something happened between them that we dont know so far? Cuz purposely making Luci mad literally 5 secs after u met each other is really weird.

AND OMG THIS SONG IS TOTALLY NEW FAVOURITE BY NOW, THEY LITERALLY DID AN ELECTRO SWING SONG LIKE HELL YEAH!!! N THE FACT THAT LUCI OUT OF NOWHERE STARTS PLAING VIOLIN AGGRESSIVELY AND THEN SHUTS ALASTOR UP WITH AN ACCORDION IN THIS IS THE BEST TGING EVER.

i dont know how i think bout Mimzy rn. All i gotta say is she have a really cool singing voice!

And this shot is really adorable

Ok we actually now know from Husk that someone actually having Alastors soul! Just think about it: someone have AN OVERLORDS SOUL. Not ex-overlord like Husk, AN ACTUAL OVERLORD. Is this even possible??

This last song made me cry (again). I feel so bad for Luci, he was abandoned by heaven n he just doesnt want the same fate for his beautiful daughter, cuz she is the only thing he live for (i want him to be my dad so much omg..)

Also when Lilith took little Charlie away from Luci, it was sad, but it actually made me think, what if Lilith will be an antogonist? What if she will be the bad person? Maybe the main vilian even. I think if that will actually happen everyone will go CRAZY. But thats just my lil thought.

Ok, 6th ep! I actually didnt expect that we will see heaven so soon!

Ok but sir Pentious is GOT CRUSH ON CHERRI BOMB??? WHA??? THAT WAS SOMETHING I REALLY DIDNT EXPECT

Also i expected heaven to be much more strict place with many rules, where noone is alowed to swear. But turned out that its actually just a hell with better people and more rules, thats all. And its actually really strange that u can swear in heaven. Im not talking about Adam n Lute, cuz theyre exterminators and clearly just awhul ppl, this guy infront of heavens gates actually said fuck. Maybe im just wrong, but isnt swearing unacceptable in christianity?..

Also HELL YEAH we nailed it! We were right about Vaggie being a fallen angel. But the reason why she fell.... She was an exterminator and literally just didnt kill one child (which is really shows us that she have a kind heart) BUT SHE WAS EXPELED FOR IT IN SUCH HORRIBLE WAY.

I JUST DONT HAVE ENOUGH RAGE TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I HATE THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS. I REALLY HOPE WHEN HEAVEN DECIDES TO REDEEM PPL FROM HELL, THEY BOTH WILL GO TO FUCKING HELL FOR ALL THOSE VILENCE THEY BROUGHT TO WORLD, THAT WOULD BE FUCKING HILARIOUS.

Also Cherri Bomb is being kinda toxic friend to Angel n i dont like that.

ALSO ANGEL STOOD UP AGAINST VAL!! HELL YEAH, SLAY SPIDERBOI!!! IM LITERALLY NOT SCARED OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HIM WHEN HE WILL GO BACK TO HIS JOB!! IM NOT SCARED AT ALL!!!!

Ok this last song WAS SO EPIC!! ESPECIALLY WHEN CHARLIE N EMILY DID UNO REVERSE ON ADAMS SONG FROM EP 1!!

AND THAT PART WHEN ADAM REVEALED THAT VAGGIE IS AN ANGEL WAS SO EPIC TOO I LITERALLY GOT CHILS

and Charlies reaction to that was actually really heartbreaking

And everything ended up with Adam winning. I really hope that justice will overtake in this whole situation and Charlies plan will work. And im really interested to see Charlie n Vaggies relationships after that reveal. I honestly think that Charlie will forgive her, but its still really interesting.

Wow, it took me long enough to make this post.. I really like direction this show goes, n i can not wait for the next 2 eps!!

My thoughts/review on eps 1-2

My thoughts/review on eps 3-4

My thoughts/review on eps 7-8