#im definitely missing some obvious options

[oifaaa]

Wait shit just thought of something

(If you're about to comment any of the other bats just know you are wrong)

[infamous-if]

So sorry for the delay! ! My VS Code program wasn't calibrated with CSIDE and in the indentions basically messed up. The prologue coding is so wonky that honestly if I do anything I end up fucking up 2839393 lines of code. If you've been following a while, you're probably well aware of much hatred for the prologue's coding lmao but we live and we learn.

Storyline wise, not much has changed. Scenes are largely the same, since I'm pretty happy with what I wrote a year ago. For this rewrite, I focused mainly on the big things like choices that will impact the rest of the story and O's gender selection. Some new things include:

you can now play with Orion or Oriana Quinn

you can now express if the band went through a musical rebrand after seven and what the old genre was (which will come up later).

you can now choose whether mc "changed" after seven and what change that was (there's 4, technically 2, options and a "default" vague option, im open to more options since I wanted to do this but couldn't really think of any believable ones beyond the four).

new mc personality: attached vs detached. your mc can have an extra attachment to the band for obvious reasons, or can feel the opposite.

coordinating outfits can now be exclusive to the band members. your mc can be the unique unicorn of the group since they're the lead singer (this is definitely not gonna bite them in the ass later)

adding to that, your mc's reason for fame can be due to wanting to keep the band together.

a new flavor text feeling about seven is now added which is basically "idk how I feel" instead of hating or loving them, you can just make it that MC's feelings for them is just a big question mark. REALISM!

stat changes: stern/playful -- same thing as humorous/serious I just wanted words that encompassed a wider range of behavior Leader/follower - whether mc takes on the leader role or not camaraderie - a band stat that measures the trust/morale/closeness of the band

u can probably see where im going with the stats huh....

smaller changes include:

more choices and options

prose changes + dialogue additions and expanded/ added scenes

The beta testers have not touched this yet, as I wanted to bring it out to collect some last suggestions, ideas from Patrons. Of course, as always, if you do catch errors, please let me know.

My main concern for errors: O's pronouns. It was a long process but I may have missed a few pronouns here and there. Please let me know if you catch any <3

PROLOGUE: 93K WORDS (for context, the old prologue and chapter 1 were 92k together. The prologue is a tiny bit inflated but :))) 

I will make a post about beta testers soon. I've been quiet on that front because I've been just prioritizing getting this out first.

Now available for Band tier! (6$)

[genderkoolaid]

advice on how to get over the fear that t is going to make me ugly? or that i’m going to miss “the old me”

i’m a queer trans guy and i’ve been questioning going on t for years now and i know i definitely want bottom growth, body fat redistribution and more body hair.

but im err on the side of face and voice changes. i’m scared of disliking my new voice and suddenly growing dysphoric over it (i dont have too much voice dysphoria now) and disliking how my new face will look. i’m kinda genderfluid as well so it’s complicated. but i don’t want to go my whole life without knowing what it’s like to be on hrt. but i can’t get over the fear of looking/finding myself ugly and undesirable and losing my community... which is ironic cuz i find other trans men attractive as hell. i discussed this in therapy and i still feel this way :/

i wish there was a way for me to start without telling anyone and then breaking the news when i’m experiencing changes and feeling more confident about it. i have my gender dysphoria diagnosis and i can start if i want to, but i need my family’s financial support. i don’t want to make it a big deal since it’s just something i’d be trying out to feel more like myself in certain ways.

sorry this turned into a long ass rant and you don’t have to reply but i’m just gonna kindly leave it in the ask box 💀

There's a post that goes like "all of life is irreversible. i cannot go back a single second" and I think thats something good to keep in mind when you are thinking through this. You are already living with a body that has changed and will continue to change in ways largely out of your control. You are already living in a post-irreversible-alteration body.

If you do go on T and find you don't like how your voice sounds: for one, you can stop at any time (& if you haven't checked out microdosing as an option, you should). But two: plenty of people live with a deeper voice than they want. Plenty of people live with facial hair they dislike. You can pursue the same therapies and procedures they do. Or maybe you don't, and you find ways to live with a voice or face you aren't totally in love with.

So much detransition fearmongering, especially directed at transmascs & assoc. trans people, heavily relies on the specter of the fallen woman, itself steeped in trans-misogyny & intersexism. The idea that, for one, a "woman" who has mixed-sex features is ugly and undesirable, and two, that a "woman" made undesirable is forever doomed to be miserable and worthless. The transphobic story of detransition keeps our bodies stuck in this moment of revulsion and regret, narratively preventing us as characters from being able to move on and live happy lives in atypical bodies. Even if you do regret/dislike some things about T, you are not forever stuck in that feeling. The story does not stop at that! You will just keep living and find new ways of dealing with your bodily feelings!

The social aspect of this is a bit more complicated but I also have some firsthand experience with it. Because, as mentioned before, there's a lot of transphobic misogyny/misogynistic transphobia that affects transmascs & others who go on T, who have to confront the feeling of losing your potential desirability. And then there's also the way many people are treated after going on T, facing a whole new area of bodily scrutiny: you may suddenly have people making comments about how someone needs to force teenage boys to shave because their facial hair is a personal offense. I went from being self-conscious about how high my voice was to being self-conscious about how undeniably trans my voice was. And, specifically, my facial hair, voice changes, etc. were all signs of my transmasculine desire, and I became self-conscious about how obvious it was that I desired being trans, I desired this body. I could no longer let everyone pretend I was a cishet girl at family gatherings and avoid confronting these issues, because I had essentially written I WANT TO BE A TRANNY all over my physical form.

This is something I'm still struggling with myself. I, like many other queer & autistic people, already struggled with feeling desirable or worthy of being seen alongside conventionally attractive cishet people who could act normal. Being visibly trans, and taking a huge step away from the desirable cis-perisex-girl body, can really open up that can of worms. Especially being genderfluid/genderqueer! Because we often cannot find a comfortable space for ourselves within the conventions of attractiveness for cis men, like some binary trans men are able to.

But ultimately, I don't regret going on T at all. I would have had body issues regardless, and I got a lot out of going on T. I think mentally preparing yourself to struggle with these things, and seeking out other transmasc people, is a big help. Again: all of life is irreversible. we cannot go back a single second. We are already living in imperfect bodies we struggle to love or see as worthy. If you know you want some of the things T can offer, and you don't want to go your whole life without knowing, then just do it. Dive in, and don't feel any shame if you decide to get out. Just keep living and finding ways to live better right now.

[sempsimps]

toga head cannons + dating bits

so mha what a show i have been violently thrown back into it and currently re watching it along with another 4 animes anyway here i am ready to make this since I have like *checks notes * 16- nope 19- nope hold on 24! drafts and I can see more on the horizon so I'm finally letting my bisexual self get some crazy girls on my list

headcannons

She likes Hello Kitty. I think she would love Kuromi (I don't know for sure, as I've never watched it. I'm not really into Sanrio stuff.)

she has some skills with drawing but nothing too major. maybe a really good sketch once in a while, on some important documents (definitely got into a lot of trouble for doodling on her school books or anything like that. ik i did)

She chews on pens or pencils. possibly hoodie drawstrings, just anything, to be honest.

I feel like she loves dinosaurs, like at least knowing some random facts from like stolen picture books or remembering an interesting thing from a museum, and I guess the Internet exists

Dating stage

she has been rejected a few times, which is obvious, so when she finds you, she is nervous about falling fast yet again and getting left. again. but she can't help it, and when you say you feel the same, she could happily fight and die for you x10 more than she already felt like she would

Blood jewelry absolutely 100% like a pretty heart-shaped pendent that's suspiciously liquidy and a beautiful red like take all my money (I will for the precious bean)

She is a criminal, so getting more domestic dates is kind of difficult. so there's options 1 she drinks someone else's blood to disguise and just dresses different from them, so it's less obvious and go to a coffee shop or something. OR 2 screw the domestic stuff! and go out to steal sweets or candy and idk steal a shopping cart, go spray paint some rich guys house, and do stupid shit like getting arrested only to call dabi or shigaraki for help as you both laugh at how stupid that was.

She would love it if you knew how to style hair or let her style yours and be matching

Speaking of matching toga would absolutely have pj's/ onesies for the both of you. examples I can think of would be the night and light furry ones (I think they neat) also those two peice ones so sharing two sets like, skull top and pink short and then having pink tank top and skull trousers.

Love language is physical touch, words of affirmation, and gift giving all the way. Holding hands? "Ah! We're holding hands haha, suck it, dabi your bitchless!". she needs soothing words during a cuddle session like fr tell her she's an amazing girlfriend. Anything you get her stuff like that is definitely her new bragging right, new hair clip? It's on, and she refuses to take it out until you do it yourself. A little pin it's going on her skirt, a keyring? She's putting at least two of those on the handle of her favourite knife. You made her a painting/ printed a photo/ wrote a poem or anything? It's getting framed and hung above her bed

She probably had lots of photos before you dated, but now she definitely has. 2 folders one is a digital file on her phone, and the other is stashed away, filled with secretly taken ones that she looks at when she misses you

If you're a hero, she'll make it a point to watch you and look at all your fan base online. "It's my turn on the TV my adorable partner is on." She would also want to go on every mission close to where your agency would be. If you have any merchandise, she has it already. If she sees other people wearing your clothing line, she would either compliment it or want to stab them (I can't decide)

That's all i can think of, and i want to do more, so anything else in the comments would be nice. im trying to ease my way into writing female characters. i might be bi, but i can't talk to women, so this was fun and a little difficult for me

[quirkle2]

love your mogami arc thoughts… do you think there’s a parallel between the irrationality of mogami’s actions and how ritsu acts in big cleanup arc? Like neither of them make sense really but it doesn’t have to because it’s an expression of deep seated stress and guilt

[context]

it took a couple of watches for me to actually Get cleanup arc, but i do think clean up arc makes sense. maybe not from a logical point of view, but given ritsu's history of trauma and perfectionism, pressure to never act out or upset his brother for obvious reasons, and desperation for control in his own life, i think ritsu's actions made sense. they were Terrible actions, and they definitely go against the logic and hindsight of an outsider's perspective, but it was all the result of that stress and guilt and secretive hatred toward an aspect of his brother that caused it, and maybe a little bit of grief for a sibling relationship he wishes was still intact

u make a rly interesting point tho, bc Yeah, on your first watch, neither of these guys make sense to you. at least they didn't for me. i understood part of ritsu's reasonings at the beginning, but it sorta delved into... quoting ritsu, "violence for the sake of violence." and honestly??? i don't know Why ritsu's arc is sm more compelling to me than mogami's, bc rly, they're very similar in that way

at least it seems that way? im,,, honestly convinced the exposition for mogami arc was just,, rushed, or incomplete for whatever reason, bc it feels So Close to making sense, but it's just missing a couple of pieces. ritsu's arc has more substance to it, i think. i believe the biggest difference here is that mogami blamed other people for his misfortune, and didn't see anything wrong w what he was doing. ritsu made no such excuses. he Knew what he was doing was wrong, and he kept doing it. and that, to me, is Fascinating

even ritsu's "violence for the sake of violence" motive makes some sort of sense to me. he said it himself: "i was just tired of being myself. maybe i wanted to find out what it would feel like to be a fool." when u break it down, it's him exploring.... other options. until 7th division arc, he's of the mindset that if he had psychic powers he'd be Better, in all aspects, that he's nothing without psychic powers. he puts his entire identity and self-worth on having the abilities of an ESPer

now that he has them, he feels limitless, he feels unstoppable. he's so tired of being himself, of being perfect, of being the well-behaved younger brother w perfect grades and perfect attitude (bc let's face it, he's definitely a gifted kid, and gifted kids tend to develop habits of perfectionism, and eventually become exhausted). so he switches tactics, to find out what it would feel like to be a fool.

i honestly think cutting mogami's messy backstory and making him "evil" for the sake of being "evil" woulda been better. im sure not everyone agrees w me on that, and i can absolutely see why, but sometimes simple is "better" (imo). an underdeveloped villain is better, to Me, than a villain that is trying too hard to have a compelling motive. mogami's character feels like it is trying too hard, and branching out in too many directions, and it ends up just feeling,, stretched thin

i like shimazaki more than mogami. hell, i like shimazaki more than Any of the villains, and we all Know it's not because he has a good backstory (or one at all). he's not even very compelling to me, i just think he's cool, and i'll forever be stoked about how they let a character use teleportation powers right for once. sometimes simple is better

i'm not a fan of any of mob psycho's other villains, but they serve their purpose, and yaknow what, mogami serves his. i think seeing him as an "unreliable narrator" instead is a rly fun way of looking at it

[freebooter4ever]

What do you miss most about Pittsburgh?

Oh gosh, that's a question! I mean aside from the obvious answer of my old dance buddy lettia or naeem.

I miss pittsburgh's community, specifically the very music and art oriented one i was in. There's community here in LA but its all about fame, and money, and celebrity, and how you can use other people to get ahead. Just the other day i saw an influencer i actually kinda admired brag about meeting someone who out of respect for them + their privacy i have never never mentioned because i met them as a friend first. And it felt so weird seeing this person i know be used as click bait for the influencer's hits/likes/subscriptions. It kind of jolted some reality into me about how this city operates even in the smaller circles i run in. Its like the vibes in LA are all about 'being someone' and self importance. If someone is only going to respect me for my money (or disrespect me for my lack of money), or who i know, or credits to my name, i dont think i want their respect anyway.

Pittsburgh though - nobody was anybody in pittsburgh so we didnt fucking care, lol. It was a lot easier to go to things, to feel connected. There was an emphasis on diy, where it didnt matter who you were or who you knew if you had a good idea there was a chance it could happen. There were things like Art All Night and the various music festivals in the different neighborhoods. I was most connected to the music scene so i miss the casual afternoon concerts in someone's tiny apartment with everyone crowded around the band. The basement parties, the dancing. Ted's rowhouse was on fisk street so when i lived there with friends i really enjoyed how much of a community space it was - people were always coming and going off of butler street, movie nights, human chess parties. It definitely could feel too small sometimes - literally everybody knew everyone and everybody dated everyone. The year i left two of my ex boyfriends were living in the same house and i cant tell you the number of 'male harem' jokes i got about that one. Or the number of times a dude wanted to date me and when i said 'no' i immediately got excluded from an entire friend group. But no matter how frustrating the smallness got, i still was also aware of how special it was. Its also mostly over - a lot of my friends from that time have since dispersed to other cities. I think moments like that are fleeting, but thats what makes them unique.

But even with all that said, you know what my favorite thing to do in pittsburgh was?

Driving

and ok ok that probably sounds stupid. And it probably does not help that im in LA where driving is now the second level of hell. But even compared to seattle or nyc or other places i lived, driving in pittsburgh was just so much fun and you cant recreate that anywhere else. I once saw a data visualization of the main cities of the US and places like LA and even NYC were nicely laid out squares but pittsburgh was just this insane clusterfuck pencil scribble, and thats truly it. Cause not only do you have over 100 bridges and lots of one way roads that will funnel you onto a bridge you absolutely dont want to go over but whoops guess you're going anyway, but this city was also built on a cluster of hills. Thats what makes up the various neighborhoods - and the roads that connect these hills through hollows and over forests - are the most confusing rat maze you can imagine. For every one way to go there's also probably a dozen other options and mentally calculating which route will be fastest taking into account traffic and distance and 'speed limit' is a skill only acquired after years of living in the city. And if you have a tiny car and nasc*ar level driving skills thanks to the multiple generations of engineers in your family....driving up and down those hills is just a joy. It also, uh, helped that I made my own hours so worked from 11am - 3am most days and avoided all traffic. And in the city proper the pigs arent allowed to r*adar so as long as you knew where the speed traps were you could...uhhh... Be lenient. I only ever got pulled over once and that was because one time in the spring of 2016 i went home from work early one night and these asshole hockey fans were taking up the entire street around the rink that would get me onto bigelow and connect me to lawrenceville. And since i couldnt go down that one street, becaues its pittsburgh, i had to go in the complete opposite direction to find another route home which took like an extra fifteen minutes. And yeah i got pulled over, started crying and explaining i was just trying to get home from work, and they let me go. But damn those hockey fans. :P (but also had i realized you could go hangout outside and watch the hockey game on giant screens with a huge crowd of fellow broke but dedicated weirdos, i totally would have loved that. Thats what pittsburgh is all about lmao)

Anyway one of my old friends moved from pitt to LA, and then he moved from LA to shanghai. And i once asked him would he move back to LA and his response was that he couldn't imagine living in LA again after living in a Proper City like shanghai. And he made it clear that he saw being able to 'make it' in larger and larger cities as like...a mark of his personal progress. But me? Im a small town girl unfortunately. I still dream about the day i can fuck off to live in a cabin in the woods somewhere.

[midnightdemonhunter]

hi midnight :) 6, 8, 10, 15, anddd 46 for the ud asks? for 46 specifically, how abouttt matt?

HIIIII LILY!! thank you dearly for the ask :DDD

6. What character first caught your eye?

This is an interesting one.....I feel like Chris definitely claimed my heart immediately... was very charmed by him. BUT Matt was the first character i felt like i started tuning in to at a meta level. a lot of chap 1 was a blur the first time around but matt made it all start to come into focus for me, and I have strong memories of all his first scenes!

8. What character did you not expect to love as much as you do now?

Ingame, I think the love for Mike came fast and furious lol. Chap 3 was just so fun and fascinating.... Loved controlling him, watching the way he acted different with jess than in public, and the sheer vibe differences depending on what choices you picked.

Postgame...SAM. 100% Sam. Ingame, because i really only started processing what was going on in like. chap 3, i missed a lottt of sam time, and just didn't really give af about her. only character who i went Damn, Anyway when i killed her in my first playthrough lolllll. However, after some heavy discussion time about her for our au (you know the one) i feel wayyyy more crazy about her. Just had to find her flaws and dig into them!! Now she's constantly showing up in my sketchbook :)))

10. Which character design is your favorite?

Fascinating question.... I think a big part of Chris' charm is his silhouette with his infinite fuckass layers. its so fun to draw and so fun to look at.... i also think mike and jess have such wonderful extreme physical transformations over the course of the game.... anytime i wanna feel instantly crazy i just remember how they look/act in chapter 1 and contrast it to chap 10. ITS SO FUN. they have matching green jackets and sooooo many open wounds i LOVE the vibe shift.

15. Which characters do you wish interacted more or just interacted at all?

SO MANY OPTIONS. short answer is literally anyone. guarantee im forgetting at least 1 potential dynamic that makes me crazy buttt off the top of my head:

matt and literally anyone, but especially josh, ash and sam, JESS....and i'd really have loved to see him interact late-game with mike... mike and josh would be really good (though i guess they do get stuff...but i want even more obvious ingame paralleling) lategame jess and em would be beautiful. jess and ash... need to know what inspired the trapdoor trick.

Even more: chris and jess, CHRIS AND EM, josh and em anddd mike and ash. amen.

46. What song(s) do you associate with (insert character or ship)?

YAYYYY SONG TIME. Will say that Hermit the Frog by Marina really snuck up on me as a matt song, and though the second half is a bit more em @ mike to me, i cant help the matt connections.... verse 1 has big fire tower vibes. (AND AN EXPLOSION COMES IN TIME....BEFORE I GO AND CROSS THE LINE)

ALSO this one comes from you lol but Self Esteem by the Offspring is so so real for him...THE MORE YOU SUFFER THE MORE IT SHOWS YOU REALLY CARE RIGHT??

[utnewfoundfamily]

Hii,question for the author! Cold we see a bit of plot, maybe a few posts that lets us see the characters and settings that you made,maybe some doodle comics? I just found your blog, and wanted to ask, but there isnt a starting story yet, just characters. Or is the story somewhere else and im missing something?

Also, I adore how you draw, very cool style!

I’ve waited for MONTHS to be able to make stuff for this world. And my deepest apologies for the delay and lack of said story posted here. Though I have a document for this AU pinned on this account, I feel it is important to share the tale in case anything were to happen to the document. Keeping a record of sorts. With that said, I hope you don’t mind that I indulge you with the plot here in this ask. Better to write it if I am unable to illustrate all the details.

Big thing I want to emphasize is that Frisk doesn’t have the ability to restart. From what is understood on their part, the option has all but vanished. Not that they want to restart in the first place. What they have now is great! Life for them feels, well, real. Not like a video game such as before. They get to make their own decisions about what to do. Some good, some bad, and some dumb. Regardless, they have the freedom to dictate their life. It’s been like that for 8 years and hasn’t changed since. Though the idea of it turning back into a game is a big possibility (or rather inevitable). But thankfully it won’t send them all the way back into the underground. That would be hell if it did.

Another thing, Frisk’s story is about settling down with one thought that they have been trying to convince themselves is wrong and evil. And that thought is that it’s okay to fight back. Because the center point of the story is them going against another human named Vance whose own soul is corrupted and means to do harm to Frisk and any life they may value and cherish. Why? Purely because he’s jealous of what Frisk is. That they, and so many other humans have magic and Vance does not.

Vance is a boy who is obsessed with magic of humans and monsters alike. Especially Frisk’s. They’re the main one who seems to have more going on than so many others in their community. However you see it, the boy is bad news and a bit of a freak. Definitely not a kid you want to be around. But he was the one who pushed Frisk to this new game that he will become aware of and have fun playing in. Frisk won’t though and will be so stressed out.

The main goal of this thing of mine is that no one should ever be blaming Frisk for anything here. They will do whatever they can to make things better. To try see good and seek out the possibility that change is out there for Vance. But he won’t want it and bash the options because it’s not what he wants. We are the viewers of this story. And all Frisk just wants is to live their life and live it with their family. That family being:

Sans

Papyrus

Aster (Gaster)

And the Dreemurrs

They’re all one big family.

This is a lot of info probably, but there is so much more in my document. I’m just paraphrasing what I wrote on their onto here so others can see. Illustrations are in order, but my best option is write the concepts and story all down. I would’ve made this a fanfic, but I’m not too confident in my writing skills. But this is close enough for now cause I do want to draw stuff like this out. Also! Pretty sure this is an obvious sign, yet this an AU that leans more on the kids or teens of UT with many others slowly becoming involved.

Edit: Oh, and thank you for the kind words on my artstyle! Very much appreciated :)

[synthville]

so what im getting is that it was absolutely unnecessary to isolate raffi on gotham city in order for her story to go on.

a story that’s so halfhearted that five episodes in—halfway to the end. btw—her motivation is yet to be explained (why go back to this sector of intelligence work when teaching seemed to be fulfilling? was she made to do this?? did she volunteer because her son now lives on this planet now apparently?? was losing elnor cris and possibly seven so painful that burying herself in work seemed like a better option??? who knows! not me!!) and it’s definitely a retreat character-wise but the fact that they still haven’t laid the groundwork to make this stick is kind of amazing lol. it’s the way they’re not even pretending to give a fuck about her or any of the other women characters for me—they said you’re a womb or a subordinate ladies pick one and shut the hell up LMAO?

the fact that the ‘real plot’ is happening on that other ship while everything raffi does is basically an afterthought with backstory slipped in between the cracks like aged caulk is so disheartening and pathetic. star trek picard make an effort maybe. she’s a polarizing character that’s been stuck in impossible situations, weighed down with retractions and stereotypes (they thread the line but HM) because the narrative continually refuses to meaningfully engage with her and a lot of fans of the show wont examine their own biases to see why they have such a viscerally negative reaction to a complicated black woman character that’s good at what she does, knows it and refuses to kneel at the foot of their hero’s :)

and if it wasn’t for ms hurd elevating this performance with sheer will, massive talent and the whip of that (sexy) ponytail? shit would be so much worse. but it’s still bad! because instead of giving her a nuanced, thoughtful send off she’s once again being made to suffer for the nth time. because why? oh right so wise man worf can guide her to the light lol give me a fuckin break.

and it’s no accident that if you cut raffi out (which they literally did in ep4 miss musiker you WILL be avenged) the story could more or less proceed as usual. that’s by design.

because legacy characters or not, im simply not buying that the main white cast members (plus two interlopers idgaf about those new guys and they’re doing nothing to make me care either. pick a random channel and their stories are being told right now live and in color like don’t piss me off) just so happen to be on the ship with the lead yet the sole woc is sent away on some underbaked adventure because ‘reasons?’ please. this season literally could not be more transparent about the audience they’re catering to and who/whose stories are of importance and consideration.

and i knew this would probably happen once the premise for s3 was revealed but i still can’t get over how obvious it is that there really was no plan for raffi and that she only happened to bypass the cull of the la sirena crew because she was romantically linked with seven at the time. which is baffling considering how things are (not) going between them (#theyareMARRIEDletthemTALKandKISSandREST)

and it’s not just them like everything about this season is quite literally happening just because. every slightly interesting or fresh development (and character it’s true) from the previous seasons has been dismissed or diminished and for what? secret sons and man pain? ew lmao. no suspense no lingering threads just excessive shots of ships, an aggressive insistence on biological families and rampant, shameless references to past glory. a mess.

[emilabove]

Hello! Can you tell about your dnd character/s? Thanks!

hihi!! absolutely i will thank u for asking

in no particular order, i have optare (warforged/android bard)(also the character in my pfp!!), sircis (tiefling beastmaster ranger), rosyrus (gorgon cleric), scarf (tabaxi rogue), and inias (aasimar beastmaster ranger) (is it obvious i like beastmasters)

...i apologize for the sheer word vomit below

most recently (campaign progress wise) is optare (name taken from the initial interest form my dm made which included a lone "option 1" selection), my warforged bard who is Definitely not inspired by hatsune miku. they are the silliest guy ever and are probably my most fleshed out character? what started as a silly goofy idea turned into my favorite character i've ever made/played!! originally, she only had a single sibling (a "sister unit" if u will) named coa (Course Of Action), but my dm threw out the idea of there being Another twin (or. triplet i guess) named mia (Missing In Action)! optare started as a mercenary-esque android (akin to raiden metal gear), but were sold off to become an idol <3

my very first dnd character was a tiefling beastmaster ranger named sircis, whose defining characteristic was that she had 5 intelligence. her partner was a panther named wakanda nonsense (it was Supposed to be a placeholder name but. it stuck) i played as her for two-ish different campaigns that never got finished so she will, for now, stay on the backburner (but i still love her soso much and she holds a special place in my heart)

rosyrus is the character i play in my newest campaign! i wanted to make the world's angstiest dude ever, which resulted in giving him the backstory of "accidentally turning his only friend-since-childhood to stone and becoming a cleric to save him". so far i've only had the one session as him but ohohooho im so excited to see what comes next

scarf i haven't gotten to play yet! he's the third of five siblings, and the only non-magic user in his family, so he's already riddled with familial angst >:) i have so many ideas for how i wanna go about playing him, but knowing me im gonna turn him from my intended "completely unbothered and kinda annoyed by everything" to "silly 4'10 cat" but we'll just have to see lmao

inias was for a week-long campaign i did with some friends while camping! the image of a 7'something dude being raised by wolves as his backstory was incredibly funny to me, so that's exactly what i ended up doing. his partner, a wolf named akira, is essentially his sibling/packmate who my dm kept targeting and making me stress out, but he did not die! he almost did. I nearly cried. inias is also the only character so far that was in a relationship prior to the beginning; he has a tiefling paladin husband named nephcis whose oath are their wedding vows :) (angel x demon relationships my beloved)

[protagonistheavy]

I've started Baldur's Gate 3 and having quite a good time with it. Admittedly I'm not SO wowed by it like everyone else seems to be... but it is a very rich game, and definitely scratches my RPG itch like no other RPG really has. This is one of the first RPGs where I'm thinking so much about alternate playthroughs, whereas almost any other RPG I'm one-and-done. I've had a great time exploring my options, customizing characters, and progressing through the story... at a very, very slow pace.

I'm just sort of bad at this type of game lol. Right off the bat, it really drains me to wrap my mind around the general controls. Pointing and clicking on things is just not really an instinct I have built-in. Moving around the world and exploring new terrain feels really awkward to me in that regard, I so badly wish I could just control the camera like third-person camera, point it where I want it to be pointed -- so many huge set pieces that I would love a wide view of, but I'm restricted to what the camera will show. I'm getting used to it, but I constantly have this feeling that Im missing something, and often feeling dizzy trying to get my directions figured out.

Gradually I've been getting myself to think of it less like a traditional game and more like regular D&D. And just like regular D&D, wow combat takes forever. Some of these big combats will go on forever with so many enemies each getting unique turns. It's a price to pay for having so much detail in a game and so many options to approach something like combat; I end up spending a ton of additional time planning out fights, trying to think of all my options... sort of like it's a Fire Emblem game lol.

Plots and characters are so far intriguing but I haven't been floored by anyone just yet. It's a fun band of characters though, I enjoy the different personalities and clashing interests. I do feel a bit stupid for not keeping Shadowheart in my part more often, because she's so important in so many cutscenes, and without her, some segments just look straight-up silly... I guess that's my fault for rolling a cleric lol? I'm actually a little annoyed by it, because Shadowheart is the obvious first character to sideline if you're a cleric too -- especially a trickster cleric like I rolled...

Great times though and I'm majorly looking forward to getting into even more meat of the game. I've enjoyed my participation with the plot so far, and have found some really fun means to complete tasks -- who knew so many problems could be solved by shoving people? I really love the streamlined D&D experience, it's so nice seeing D&D mechanics utilized so smoothly, and I'm not sure when again we'll see an RPG that has so much attention to detail.

[faorism]

absolutely wyll romancing astarion. spoilers below!

as i learned when i noticed someone had options i didn't get during the camp celebration night, there is precise pathing in wylls romance to avoid a bug(?) WHICH HAS YOU NOT HAVE HIM IN YOUR PARTY WTF that had me restart at the door of the underdark

i also definitely missed some subtle dialogue cues for wyll, while it's always very obvious what will seduce astarion let astarion seduce you.

it also doesn't say in the link above, but another person said asking wyll about his eye also breaks the romance. might have been an earlier patch, but i decided not to test it

you miss out on astarions lovely snippy comments and i miss his voice so much

maybe i am just so desperate for wyll interactions, but i feels other companions' reactions are prioritized above wylls? i hear SO much more from karlach, but astarions comments were definitely frequent or at least very memorable

im going to write a post about this, but unlike other companions who have persistent dialogue options, astarion does not until later on the game, and as of post-grove without romance path, wyll doesn't either. what astarion does have is the permission to feed on you. it was a delightful chore to always tell him he can. there was something somewhat transactional about it. and like people in other reblogs shared, it implies that wyll is kinda just relieving some tension even tho he knows (with a passed insight check) there's something fake about astarions approach. i really like this dynamic for how messy it is

astarion calling you darling and dear all the time 😭

wearing the bloodless condition with pride was so hot to me.......

astarion starts off strong in act i, cools off in act ii, and then boy when you complete his quest in act iii it's just so lovely.

people have spoken about wyll being underwritten. not sure for the wyll romance, but comparing astarion romance to wyll as a mainstay companion (during a tav/shadowheart run), it's definitely doesn't have the same punch as astarions emotionally imo. like,, the emotional resolution between cazador and dad/aldur ain't the same. (i personally wished ravenguard was less a set piece for all we had to go thru to find him since act i. because bruh the daddy issues there are SO real. i desperately wish that wyll reacted to the contents of his father's vault 😭)

astarion would absolutely hate being pushed into leadership (def npc in his own life energy, so he can observe others and react rather than being the one to be decisive) while wyll is the origin who steps up to the challenge

imo there is no way to play origin astarion as companion accurate while trying to impress wyll. you are forced into the noble/heroic actions or else wyll absolutely will disapprove.

meanwhile, there was only one thing i absolutely had to do where wyll that felt ooc, which was allow astarion to kill the gur hunter. (in my playthrough, i long rested immediately after the fight and astarion started the romance then. which. was so fucking depressing and wonderfully tragic in retrospect.)

in my abandoned playthrough, i was also flirting with gale and karlach with astarion. it was honestly bizarre to see how sincere, tender, and kind astarion is as origin. wyll, on the other hand, is absolutely that sincere, tender, and kind

THAT SAID i like the rp of occasionally dropping the weight of The Blade Of Frontiers and allowing himself to (as @lesbianralzarek brilliantly described) be a cunt sometimes. this ultimately is one of the biggest draws for me. i adore literal prince wyll and i cannot wait to carry on thru the romance to see him at his peak dreamy. however, im still struck with the line from companion wyll for why he hid his connection to mizora. something like, his is a tale of two men. he wanted you to know the blade, and not the shadow from the past. and like. UHDNDNDKS i really loved rp'ing from his guy who might not usually do something like this and not usually with a guy like astarion, and he doesn't see himself as a full person deserving of letting loose and living outside the grand persona. growing just a tad bit morally gray (or just a touch impolite tbh) on the small things felt like a natural way to allow the shadow to be lit

the other major reason is more ymmv: i am deeply interested in the exploration of trauma, and knowing what i know about astarions backstory, i am missing that as part of the relationship from what ive seen so far with astarion origin. like, the man says "dont touch me" hundreds of times thru a playthrough when you switch to him; having that be reflected in the rp (in terms of him not wanting to have sex after act ii for awhile) moved me. again, idk enough about wylls romance (other than the dance scene on my tav which RIP at me having to break the poor man's heart over rejecting him) so maybe my opinion will shift!

and the most important reason: romancing astarion means playing with wyll, and he is so good and sweet and i just wanna look at that man for hours on end and you should too haha

Wyllstarion people, is it best to romance Wyll with Astarion or romance Astarion with Wyll? Who has the most extra content?

[caffess]

freedom ; peter ballard x reader

A/N: not the first fic i write, but definitely the first one i post in here

contents; violence, fluff, peter is not the bad one its 002, happy normal life, probably a part two, y/n and peter are cute.

summary: you and peter have been longing for freedom ever since you fell in love, now its time to finally flee the lab with a eight-year-old eleven and start living a normal life.

“Everything ready?”

“Yes, lets just hope Eleven gets here on time”

“She will. She’s very smart for her age.” Peter shuffled around grabbing the walkie talkie that you had sneaked into the lab less than a week ago; in the other line awaited an excited Russian named Yuri, awaiting to do the job he was so well paid for.

It was hard to find a way to escape the lab, especially since Peter and Eleven weren’t allowed to go outside for obvious reasons. Freedom seemed to be something they could only dream of, but if your plan worked out, it would become a reality.

“If Eleven takes the soteria off of you, in theory, you would get your powers back, correct?” You asked, as you got rid of the silly doctors hat that Brenner made you wear.

“Not in theory, it’s a fact,” Peter played with his fingers nervously, an excited smile threatening to form in his lips “We will get the life we've been dreaming of. I promise.”

He kissed you gently in the lips, and for a moment, you let it all settle in.

You would be free.

You were interrupted by the sound little footsteps emerging from the stairs. Peter let go of you and grabbed Eleven as gently as he could, indicating her to stay quiet, due to her nearly letting out a frightened squeak when one of the machines let out some steam near her.

“Follow me, Y/N is just around the corner” He told her.

In less than a second you could see how El and Peter emerged from the distance, and the nervous girl let out the breath she was holding as she saw you.

“Hi, El” You whispered, opening your arms so Eleven could launch her tiny frame into yours

“Hi, mom” She whispered, tears falling from her eyes. 

When Peter told her that there was a way for you three to escape the lab and become a family, Eleven had been so excited she nearly forgot to fake playing the game of chess. The whole day she just kept thinking about the world outside the walls.

You talked to her about Hawkins; the sun, the squirrels, the music. Everything you talked to her about seemed to make her more excited and curious to know what the world outside would look like.

“So, this is the thing.” Peter said, as he placed the walkie in front of both you and Eleven. He took her tiny hand and placed it on his neck where she could feel the little bump under his skin “Can you feel it?”

Eleven nodded in confusion, and looked over to you in search of an explanation.

“Your Papa calls it Soteria” Peter said “It weakens me, it tracks me. We need your help to take it off, if we don’t he will find us”

“H-How can I help?” El asked nervously while pursing her lips. You place your hands on her shoulders and make her turn around to look at you.

“The best option we have is for you to use your powers to take it out” You said, taking one of her hands in yours. “If you do it fast enough you wont hurt him, but we have to be fast unless you want us to miss our ride to freedom”

“O-Okay” She said.

Peter took his belt off and moved in order for him to lay his back on a wall, and put his belt in his mouth, with his other hand in yours.

“When I count to three, you will pull it off, okay?”

El nodded.

“One.. Two” Peter closed his eyes hard and his grip on your hand grew tighter “Three!”

Peter’s whine is partly muffled by the belt and you hear the Soteria clink as it hits the ground. 

“You okay, darling?” You ask as Peter shuffled towards the tiny chip covered in blood, his hand not once leaving yours.

“Yeah... Yeah... Im fine.” Reality seems to punch him right in the face when he sees the object shining between his fingers. Freedom was just a few steps away from becoming real.

“There they are!” A voice shrieks while kicking the door right open “Freeze!”

Peter grabs your and Eleven’s hands and makes a run for it. 

You both follow him up some stairs while several security guards yell orders behind you. Peter’s grip on your hand becomes tighter signaling the fear and adrenaline going through his veins. You kick open a door and you're able to find yourselves in a hallway. It seems empty at first and you try to keep running, but just as you turn your heel, you are surrounded by guards with electric weapons pointing at you.

“All three of you against the wall!” One of them says, you slowly hide behind Peter, holding Eleven tightly in your arms.

“You don’t have to be afraid of them, El.” He tells her while looking at the guard right in the eyes “Not anymore”

In a quick movement, Peter turns around and uses his powers to push the guards behind you against the wall, and crashing the two others in front of him against the roof. The last one puts his hands up but Pete shows him no mercy, and snaps his neck before he’s able to even beg for mercy.

“Come on, El, let’s go, now!” You grab her wrist and follow Peter around the lab. Your feet run as fast as they can trying to keep up with the blonde boy. You hear Eleven’s terrified whimpers and you long to console her but now isn't the right time, and the only thing you can do is try to urge her to run faster.

She’s just eight years old, her tiny and delicate frame cant keep up with both yours and Peter’s long steps, so you stop for a brief moment and take her in your arms.

“Lets play a game, okay?” You whisper in her ear, while putting your hand in Peter’s once again “You will try to hold me as tight as you can, and I want you to close your eyes and count to the biggest number you can think of, alright?”

You can feel her nod, and her head buries itself in the crook of your neck, where you can hear clearly her voice counting as slowly as possible.

“Dont move, we will shoot!” A guard screams. Peter looks back at him and sends his crew flying against the walls. One of them fires his gun but it missed you narrowly, startling El, who whimpers in your neck.

“What was that?” She asks, her voice cracking. As soon as Peter is done with the guards you keep running, holding his hand and cradling Eleven’s head.

“It was nothing, keep counting, you were doing it so well!”

You go down some stairs and finally see the reception. Alarms are blaring around you and Peter is going ballistic throwing all the goons around the air and against the walls. When you're about to reach the door, you trip with an object and hit your head against a hard surface. You can hear Eleven whine and Peter’s too busy with the men to help you. You try to stand up but an artifact floats towards you and hits you right in the nose.

You shriek at this and turn around to see what happened and are faced by number Two staring at you with angry eyes.

“You guys always seem to forget about me, dont you?”

Peter turns around and freezes for a second at the sight of the kid. How he has escaped is beyond you two, but he seems to be boiling in anger. Before you're able to formulate a response, you see the kid raise his hand towards you and you can feel a force pulling you up by your neck.

“Peter tries to focus on both him and the guards but the task seems impossible. Your sight starts getting blurry and as soon as you think you're going to slip into unconsciousness, you feel the pressure leave you, and you drop to the ground.

You can hear a loud crash and screams, and you feel Peter’s arms around you. When you look up, the only thing you're able to see is a huge red opening against the wall that is slowly closing in front of you, and Eleven’s tiny frame collapse in the ground.

Everything seems too blurry and your throat aches like hell, but with Peter’s help you manage to get up. He grabs El’s tiny body and cradles her in her arms and you're back to running. Peter uses his powers to open the gate to the lab and you both run off to the woods. 

Your feet hurt and you're feeling dizzy, but you cant afford to stall right now. You are so close to making it that you can nearly taste freedom at the tip of your tongue.

The world around you seems to fade and theres only you, Peter, and Eleven. Running for your lives. Running for your freedom.

“I see you, Americans” You hear a voice echoing from Peter’s pocket, and suddenly you remember what you’re running towards: Yuri’s car.

Far from you, you see a glimpse of blue, and the closer you get, the better you can see it.

It’s a car.

It’s freedom

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Eleven didn't wake up until you guys arrived at a cottage far from the lab. The car ride was full of weird attempts at understanding Yuri’s less than funny jokes but in the end everything worked out for you guys.

El rubbed her eyes as she looked around the place, you were putting her down on an old dusty couch so you could look for the bags hidden under the floorboards.

You reached for a suitcase filled with money and handed it to the weird russian man, who had been drooling over his payment a whole month.

“There you go, now get the fuck out of here” You said. You watched him scurry away and didnt peel your gaze off him until he was way out of sight in the heart of the woods.

“Where are we?” Eleven asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Hey darling, we are in a safe house. We have about an hour to get cleaned up before we go to our real house”

“Real house? Where?”

“Its a beautiful place near Lovers Lake” You explained, while ruffling inside the bag looking for the clothes you had bought for her. “Go inside the room and put this on. I will help you get cleaned up in a second”

“Wheres Peter?” She asked, while grabbing the white shirt and blue skirt you had gotten her.

“Don’t worry about him darling, he’s just starting the car”

As she entered the room, you didn’t waste any time and took your ugly dress off. You pulled your clothes on and put a coat over them; you were in the middle of November and it was pretty chilly.

“The car is ready to go” Peter said as he jumped into the cabin. You couldn’t help but notice the huge red stain in his shirt caused by the open wound of the Soteria.

“Oh Peter come on we gotta get you cleaned up.” You said, hurrying to get something to stop the bleeding. You ripped a piece of your ugly nurse dress and pressed it on his neck. “Good luck I got you a turtle neck”

He chuckled at this, and you couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“Gods, I love you, you know that, right”

You chuckled and nodded.

“I love you too, Peter, you’re the love of my life”

[snickerdoodlles]

(ep 12 discussion in case u don't feel like reading more of it! sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense lol i'm bad at writing these things out) honestly, i felt so sad and disappointed after the episode but the more i see thai people talking about it, the more i get it as a choice.. i still don't like it and am upset that they spent the whole time making them stronger together just for this to happen, but i also understand that i have a very different perspective in my familial relationships.. i'm still sad, but now that i've calmed down i can understand from pran and pat's pov how they might think it's legit the only way forward to do this

mhmm!!

im still figuring out how i feel on everything. there are definitely a few things right off the bat where i can tell im looking at them with some blinders and assumptions and i need to rewatch the full episode with those off. i can also already think of some threads i saw in the episode but i didnt register how important they were. the biggest thing is that i just have to rewatch the episode, but first i gotta psych myself up for it lolol

take this whole ramble with a grain of salt because again, i gotta double check what are narrative threads i picked up on vs what i had just assumed and/or dismissed (and like, trying to also remember previews aren't spoilers lol). but we saw from the start how running away from the problem wasn't actually intended as a solution for pat and pran, they just needed a break. pat just wants to ignore it all and like usual, he deals with his struggles in the quiet moments and he hides all of it behind smiles and his goofiness; whereas pran is thinking and overthinking how the return will go right from the start. and for all that they yell their feelings out to the waves, they can't truly just up and leave--pran has a close relationship with both his parents, pat would never just completely leave pa. and they both acknowledge this in their own ways. pran is the most obvious with missing his mother, but pat turning away from discussing any of it and his comment about checking in on pa later also shows how he hasn't truly cut himself off from everything yet, he just wants some time away. so we know its temporary, we know they're not going to just up and leave their families completely. and this is all further reinforced by the subplot with junior where his mother just wants what's best for him, doesn't want him trapped like she'd felt she was, and she and junior come together in the end knowing that they love each other and are working towards a good future together

so, just running away isnt an option (and this has been a narrative theme in bbs since ep1). we also have some threads from previous episodes that do tie into a potential breakup--the main one that comes to mind is pran's line about not pursuing a deadend relationship. so, after some thinking, im wondering if maybe pat and pran might breakup because they don't want their relationship to be a part of the coming tug-o-war between reconciling with their families and then settling the feud as well? im not sure how much sense im making right now, im still such a mess of emotions, but family is very important to them. and pat's returning to his dad who shows no promise of trying to apologize much less make up for his mistakes and a mother who's still supporting him regardless and wants pat to bend. pran's returning to his mother who's been incredibly hurt and hasn't dealt with that pain, instead trying to just block it out, and pran's sympathetic to her. he doesn't think she needs to just forgive ming for him. (and while we don't see his dad's reaction to this, we see in previous episodes how devoted he is to his wife and he takes the rivalry just as personally.)

so, so long as their parents are still channeling their issues with each other through pat and pran, they're trapped. if cutting their parents out completely isnt an option, and they can't do anything to fix the parents' relationship, where do you go next? if there's something in this to yield, do they break up so to protect their relationship from their parents' ire and keep working on settling the rivalry separately? or even just wait until their in a better position to protect each other from their parents' pressure (because we also have to acknowledge that they're still semi-dependent on their parents right now)? as much as we all love defiance and standing against anything in the face of adversity, that's only going to further inflame tensions between their families and we all know just how poorly the parents handle that. so is the approach instead taking their relationship out of their parents reach with the promise to return when they can?

but again, i also just really need to rewatch the episode because *points @ this post* ...pat and pran are not okay with their parents' bullshit. they love each other, they want to be together, they will fight to be together. any threads that could lead to a breakup also have been refuted. there's uncle tong's wisdom of how even when he can't change the world, and the world keeps spitting on his work, what's important is that it cant change who he is as a person or the importance of the work that he does do.

so. im still a jumbled mess of emotions and i havent really been able to write today, so i havent truly processed anything yet either lol. i also still have to rewatch the episode. but right now, im wondering if a breakup might be them removing their relationship from their parents' reach. its different from how it was in high school--they have a little more independence and they're a lot more sure in where they stand with each other. their parents need to deal with their own shit, not take it out on them, and they breakup in what might be an equally defiant "you dont get to touch this/him" or "our relationship is not a part of your issues"

i'm still really torn and really not sure how ep12 is going to go down. there are so many possibilities, and same as you, im also seeing how the break up could be a logical step forward in a way i hadn't earlier. im not sure how i feel on that possibility right now, i just dont want them separated again, but the preview doesn't feel as left field as it did earlier and that is a relief for me. i think maybe my biggest revelation/change in thought i've had after sitting on it for a little bit is that i dont want the rivalry to be solved with trickery (such as a fake break up). i think that will undermine how avoiding the truth is what caused the rivalry in the first place. i struggle to think that they'd cut each other off completely, but i dont think secret dating will work out well? that said i could also be totally off about that again. i don't know what the writers have in store for us, we really cant predict too much from the previews and they have a lot of threads that are still building up to a happy patpran end. i do think they'll finish out their story well. im anxious as hell waiting for it in a way i didn't think i'd be, but bbs writers haven't let us down yet so. yeah, im hopeful. the preview feels less scary than it had earlier and im a little more ready to sit back and see where it goes.

[waters-and-the-wilde]

HI OKAY IM BACK I HAD THOUGHTS LET'S SEE IF THEY COME OUT COHERENT

you're right we don't get much description of Juno in his own spaces but one thing that does stick out to me is Ben in Monster's Reflection talking about how Juno can always tell when someone's moved his stuff (and while i've never pictured him as particularly tidy that was mostly a hunch that there's like, a normal amount of depression/adhd clutter but comparatively not noteworthy compared to Nureyev's whole deal). but like. he's probably so so good at playing 'spot the difference' and figuring out which thing is missing from an environment where it should be

i think you've also articulated something really well that i've grappled with a bit and hadn't quite nailed down into words, which was where the first one or two runs through Man In Glass threw me a bit bc of what seemed like kind of a paradox -- Nureyev being a quick and instinctive thinker with an extraordinary skill for improvising his way through situations, and yet clinging to his plans and his rehearsed steps and having a little hissy fit about the plan changing on him. and for a while it was like, 'okay, he is Not Immune to the Duality of Man and the two things can coexist in view of him doing whatever he needs to have control over the situation bc he wants that so bad that it. in fact literally makes him look stupid.'

but YEAH. the part where he's fighting for his life to stay tidy and focused and linear, 'don't think about the queen think about the guard' because all of his practice and training dictates that thinking about the queen will get him killed

WHICh. GOD. okaY. mAG fuCKING RANSom. of course Nureyev's going to flip his shit when someone changes the plan on him without warning, even if it hasn't occurred to him why that would set him off so badly, especially if it's in a different enough context that it wouldn't be apparent or even reasonable to cast it in the same light. so like. Juno dropping all their fake creds on the Globe (bc he picked a pretty bad time to not think things through and then had an 'oh shit' about it). not even remotely the same deal but Nureyev is already Looking For Reasons Not To Trust Juno ('I chose this name as a reminder') and the effect of having to reorient completely probably hits him in the same kind of place, and in any case Juno's impulse wasn't his impulse because at least those he's probably so used to dealing with that it counts as something within his control

(there was this one Hamilton post i remember seeing back in the day about Wait For It and this kinda makes me think of it like. 'i am the one thing in life i can control. can't control love, or life, or death. or Juno Steel, definitely can't control Juno Steel.' which. certainly not for lack of trying at literally all of those things for the love of god petrushka)

(side note but based on Things We Buried, Nureyev has his own tendency to want to keep some cards up his sleeve in a way where it seems like it's a bad habit he'd picked up from Mag without realizing it, and gets haughty and defensive when called on withholding information bc he's justified it to himself as necessary, and is really smarting from the fact that the others still don't trust him when by this point he's more than proven himself, and probably doesn't recognize where he got it from and why other people would be taking issue with it the same way he did because it's not like Mag, of course he wouldn't, he'd never)

which. YEAH. to your whole point, he's fighting for his life to stay tidy and focused and linear, he needs to have infinite options at his fingertips but when he picks a solution he fuckign commits to the bit

i also have. half formed thoughts about diamond. taking time to 'think things through' and come to a 'more rational decision'. compromising the values Juno thought they shared in the process. and how nureyev's willingness to take the leap for the right thing even when it's obvious the consequences would be dire has got to be just. incredibly attractive to juno even if idk that he's necessarily thought about it in those terms

(and for that matter' maybe nureyev finds it incredibly attractive and reassuring in a way he hasn't quite understood or admitted to himself, that juno's ability to 'think about the queen' is exactly what is needed to keep both their asses out of the dungeons)

okay i was thinking about. the way Juno and Nureyev think. like the way their minds complement each other is just so goddamn neat to me.

(I've touched on something like this before in my 'Nureyev's coping mechanisms backfiring when misapplied' post, the bit about 'Juno’s intelligence is geared toward gathering clues and then assembling narratives, getting good insight checks and putting together a bigger picture that Nureyev has trained himself out of being able to see. they’re both very good at reading people but Nureyev’s strength is being quick on his feet and handling people and situations in the moment while Juno is good at mapping people’s inner landscapes and motivations')

and now another thing that strikes me about Juno's whole detective brain thing is the way his knowledge and memory is incredibly interconnected and associative, the way little pieces crop up in his mind and he knows they're important but not necessarily why, and has to hang onto them until he can see how they fit. The way he basically lives for his 'I connected the dots!!!' moments. he doesn't seem to have the same command over recall the way Nureyev does -- Nureyev's being extremely deliberate and structured, whereas Juno's pattern recognition and responses to prompts and triggers look a lot more instinctive, even if it's just that the way he works has allowed that talent to flourish

And from there you have an equally fascinating contrast in how heavily Nureyev also relies on his knowledge and memory, and yet his method hinges on that ability to compartmentalize, and how the the pieces stay extremely discrete. it's like. Nureyev's constantly putting shit away in filing cabinets, and Juno's constantly leaving stuff around all the time because How Else Would He Know Where It Is, it'll be there when he needs it

and then that leads to fascinating stuff like Nureyev's knowledge being incredibly precise yet fragmented, very purposefully weighed and deployed in the scenario he knows how to apply it to. and how that catches him off the back foot so spectacularly in Man In Glass by relegating useful context as extraneous so thoroughly he literally dissociates it. In Juno's case, the way he can see how things relate to each other backfires on him when he gets carried away, jumps to conclusions without necessarily having the groundwork/evidence/ability to show his work and back it up

ALSO. jury's out on how much Nureyev has actually considered whether his 'focus on the guard not the queen' mentality was shooting himself in the foot before Man In Glass but. something something Train From Nowhere 'i trust your eyes, for a start. and I trust your mind! a master detective's' etc. I get the sense that he recognizes what Juno does as a strength and a complementary skill (at least initially/on an instinctive level/when he's at his best. obv there's still him getting stuck on his Rules of Thieving/forgetting to listen/getting condescending and dismissive under stress but i think that sorta highlights the whole point that they're at their best when they're confident in that trust in each other.)

(also given the CMP heist it's not exactly just Nureyev and I kinda have to wonder if maybe the Aurinkos have Juno's jumping to conclusions tendency work great sometimes and then backfire a bunch of others so they can't always let him have a full head of steam at a precarious moment. i know i've seen ppl get frustrated about that bit and like yes it is a frustrating device but it still strikes me as different from the way that sort of thing is usually deployed, in that it has plenty of plausible grounding in the characterization and communication styles)

like yes i'm a simple man i go bonkers for them being competent at their chosen skills but 'we work well together' is such a cornerstone of their relationship and the way their minds are so different and dovetail so effectively is just. the drift compatibility is built into their psyches and it's absolutely *chef's kiss*

[quirklessidiot]

Title: filthy rich [3/3]  Pairing: millionaire!sakusa kiyoomi x y/n [filthy capitalist au] Genre: mystery, major angst ahead, thriller, mafia!au-ish

Synopsis: Just run, Y/N. Don’t look back.

Warnings: dark and yandere themes, toxic relationships, mentions of violence, shady business, class differences, mentions of rape, smoll breeding kink, unwanted pregnancy, mentions of abortion, and sakusa being a manipulative bastard 

Notes: 

Im disappering again for a week or two so as a parting gift, here ya go, im starting a bokuto fanfic soon and posting the reboot of notice me soon too hnnng thanks for the wait guys uwu

A sorta realistic take on a yandere is harder than it looks kssjdn omg anyways here yall go the long awaited last chapter of filthy rich. I’m not sure if I should put like a one shot sequel but so far im marking this series completed. Thanks for sticking by!

previous || series masterlist || blood son [sequel;one shot]

You run your hands through your hair and shut your eyes tight, the quietness and stillness of your shared apartment was something to bask on before you put on a fake mask of happiness. It had been exactly two months since you found out about the birth control switch and the medaide agenda. 

In the span of those two months, you had grown more observant towards your boyfriend’s actions and you knew that it wouldn’t be anytime soon until he actually notices that you were onto him. 

You let out a shaky breath as you recollected some weird things you’ve seem to have noticed, how his brows would furrow when he’d receive a call indicating that something was up and it was serious or how you visited your ex-boss one time a week or so ago along with Kenjiro since you wanted to see how he was doing.

“...Well, he just didn’t come home and sold the place. Apparently he was in a rush to move or something because of family matters so I didn’t exactly see him.” the neighbor gossiped to you two.

“Y/N?”

You jump on your spot as you hear that dreadfully familiar voice.

“Hey,” You greet, walking up to him, you decide to do your usual hug but stop when you notice a small red stain on his necktie, the tie is dark blue and although it wasn’t obvious from afar, it definitely was up close. Your brows are furrowed together, this time in pure curiosity, “Did you get hurt? It’s unlike you to get messy.”

You notice the quick shift of attitude in his eyes, you were seemingly getting good at observing his emotions these days and it looked like he panicked for a second there.

Odd.

“A friend of mine had gotten hurt a while ago, you remember Atsumu Miya?”

A vivid image of a blonde man crossed your mind, he was another conglomerate friend of your boyfriend, another person to be weary of to add to the list, “Oh, is he alright?” you asked, trying to keep it casual as you untie his tie for him as usual.

“Yes. He’s awfully clumsy. You don’t need to worry.”

“Oh…” You mumbled, “by the way, I visited my ex-chief.”

“Ex-chief?”

“Mhm.” you hummed, “You know, my boss from before? Me and a few co-workers decided to visit him since he was a really good boss. Turns out he just left without telling anyone, poor man.”

“Sounds unpleasant. Did you know why he quit?”

“No.” You shrugged as you take the tie out and place it on the side, “He suddenly just quit his job and moved, neighbors said it was also because of family matters. It’s kinda weird because as far as we knew, he didn’t have a family.”

“Would you like me to look into it?”

You almost stiffen when he slithers his arms on your waist but you didn’t want to give away any suspicion, “No. I don’t want to pry. Hopefully he’s enjoying his retirement.” You sighed, turning towards him with a tight smile, “Now what would you like for dinner? I was thinking Mediterranean? I need to lose some weight since I’ve been feeling bloated for a while.”

He leans in for a soft kiss on your temple, “Mediterranean would be fine. Would you like anything else? We could order more.” he hummed, his lips slowly started to dangerously hover on top of yours.

“No, it’s fine.” You give him a quick peck and wiggle your way out of his arms, your stomach doesn’t feel well these days. Whenever you were near Sakusa you had the urge to throw up your innards despite having an empty stomach.

You don’t notice the dangerous gaze on your behind as you pick up the phone for your take-out.

Sakusa hasn’t felt you in a long time and it’s driving him insane, he wants to feel your heat, your body, and everything in between. He wants to fill you up and see you pregnant with his children. He wants everyone in the world to know you were his and his only.

Yet he can’t do that.

You’ve ignored his affections these past few weeks and it had been driving him insane to the point where he had to ask one of his men to put an eye on you to see if you had been cheating on him or seeing someone else.

Yet you hadn’t.

Your routine was the same old one and Sakusa is digging his nails deeply into his skin in his office one day with his tie uncharacteristically untied. Miya Atsumu sits across him, taking a sip from his flask, “Ya look like shit.” the blonde points out.

“Fuck off, Miya.”

“Heard from your cousin that you’re not getting laid by your girl these days.”

“You better be thankful that you’ve got men behind you or I’d be shooting your fucking brains out for saying that.” Sakusa spats, his dark gaze pointedly looking at the blonde across him.

“You should just find someone else then and not yer prude of a-”

“Keep telling me ideas like that and maybe I might just shoot you and chop your body up until it looks fuckin’ unrecognizable.”

Atsumu raises his hands up, signaling that he was giving up, “Gee, omi-omi. I was just giving my advise. It’s so easy to drop her.”

“I don’t want to drop what’s mine.”

“You’ve got issues.” He chuckles, “Haven’t you been switching out her pills and fucking her raw for the last couple of months? I bet yer ass you got her pregnant on that before but ya just don’t know it. Getting her pregnant would definitely secure her spot in her life. Woman’s nuthin’ without ya.”

“She’s...she’s not showing…”

“When was the last time ya two went at it?”

“Two months ago.”

“Ya poor boy.” Atsumu sighs, shaking his head, “Ya sure you don’t want to take a break from being a loyal boyfriend for one night? i bet Y/N wouldn’t notice.”

“And no one would notice if you fucking disappeared. I’ll make sure of it, now get out.”

You may not have been the sharpest tool on the shed but you know that someone’s been tailing you these past few days, you’re not stupid. You could only come to the conclusion that it was Sakusa who was doing such things but you couldn’t get why.

Something just didn’t make sense. It felt like you were missing an important piece in the puzzle, med-aide and the switch of your pills and now a hidden tail?

You furrow your brows together in deep thought  as you sat down next to a teenage boy on his phone, you decided to take the bus today to the grocery store, surprisingly the one tailing you wasn’t around today.

Your eyes slowly shift towards the boy’s phone, it seemed like he was playing a video game.

An otome game, to be exact.

You felt your lips twitch up, you remembered those games a lot growing up. The graphics seem to have massively improved now by the looks of it, “...That looks interesting.” You tell the teenage boy who turns to you in surprise.

“Oh, thanks.” the blonde replied quietly.

“Is that a new otome game?”

“Kind of.” He blinks, his gaze returning back to the screen,  “It’s sort of a remake of the yandere simulator from back then.”

You feel your shoulders tense up.

“A yandere?”

“Yeah.” The blonde nods, “The girl’s awfully creepy in the game, she stalks him, does things to get him. The player has to catch her in the act and evade her at the same time.”

“Oh…” You blink, “I-uh, this is weird… but what’s a yandere again?’

“It’s someone obsessively in love with you. They’ll do anything to have you stay by them.” He says, pushing on a button but suddenly the screen turns red and you feel shivers run down your spine as you hear him curse and the words ‘you’re caught’ appear on the screen.

“W-what happened to your character?”

“He died. Nothing much.” he mumbles, “If the Yandere knows they can’t have you, they’ll kill you.”

You immediately went pale as soon as you heard that. Maybe, just maybe you were being paranoid. He wouldn’t go to that extent, would he?

“How did your character escape the yandere in the game?” 

“Well, I haven’t finished the game yet but based on some anime’s and manga’s I've usually read. They either killed to get away or they moved so far away where they wouldn’t be seen so I think the creator might have the same ending.” The blonde said, he slowly looked to your side, “You’re looking awfully pale, ma’am. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, j-just remembered a horrible game I played back when I was your age.” You gulped in, “Nightmares, you know? The yandere tried to get my character pregnant and tried to get in her way of moving out of the country.”

“Sounds like a very realistic one.”  He mumbles, “What did your character do?”

“I wasn’t able to finish it.” you whispered, loud enough for him to only hear, “I couldn’t really find a way out.”

“The developers of the game must’ve made it hard for you. Maybe your character should’ve ran away,” he advised, “Or better yet, you should’ve killed him.”

“I-well, I don't think there were options like that.”

“Well if I were you and there was no option for killing, I’d run. Far, far away. Change my identity and all that.” he exits the game and stuffs the phone back in his pocket, you get a good look of his cat-like eyes and immediately feel a shiver on your spine with the next words he say, “I mean its a game but you wouldn’t wanna loose and get your character killed, right?”

“R-right.”

The teenage boy hops down without even saying goodbye and you have a scary realization that you can’t break it off like you originally had planned. You needed to run, run far as you can and get lost.

The words that the teenage boy says echoes in your head for the next few days, from that point on, realization dawns upon you that, nothing is certain now. You couldn’t trust anyone, you couldn’t let friends and family be involved in this. Sakusa Kiyoomi is a powerful man so you needed to be careful with how you were going to disappear.

You continue to act nonchalant and the same as you try to lay out your plan but you knew that you had only a week or so to complete this for it to successfully work.

Sakusa Kiyoomi wonders what he should do to save the relationship, he’s tried everything in the book that he could think of but you remained the same. Was this the end of the relationship? For real?

He could never stomach the idea of having you leave him.

It’s eerie that day, something felt different when he came home to an empty apartment. It looked the same yet something felt very, very different. Apparently the apartment guards said you were here since your car hadn’t left the driveway and they hadn’t seen you go out.

He checks out your side of the closet, your clothes remain there untouched and your toiletries were there too. He scans the fridge for your notes but nothing is stuck there. He suddenly feels like something cold was dumped on him.

It couldn’t be, right?

Right?

He runs to every room, checking every nook and cranny and when he finally reaches the last room which was the bathroom, nothing is there.

Everything was in its place except you.

Where were you?

Your bank account remains untouched, your wallet and phone was left in the apartment. It was as if you were returning home, the very least. Komori tells him to calm down, saying that they’re letting the best people find you around the city, they don’t rule out that someone might’ve had the audacity to touch you.

Whoever took you would be given hell to pay, that’s for sure. Was it the triad? Kkangpae’s? Or opposing yakuza’s? Oh, they’ll definitely have their heads on the platter if they tried to harm a single hair on your head.

Sakusa doesn’t even hesitate to notify the police about you already despite the memorandum that twenty-four hours is needed to consider a person missing, it's nothing a little money can fix.

“I hope we find her soon.” Your aunt sighed, “I’ve notified her parents about it. It’s definitely weird that she’d leave all her valuables behind.”

Hinata and Natsu sit there next to their mom, completely sad and worried, “I’ve hired the best people for it already, obaasan. We’ll find Y/N.” Sakusa replies yet his thoughts are in a complete frenzy now.

And find you they did.

No stone was left unturned. He made sure of it. Yet after a month of relentless searching. Nothing came up, it seemed like you had just vanished and Sakusa Kiyoomi had turned the whole underground world upside down for you but nothing came up.

Some say that you disappeared and ran away but that was immediately ruled out, no security cameras saw you in and out during that day and it would be impossible for you to just leave without security cameras on you. The guard had exclaimed that despite the blackout that day, the generators only took a few minutes to power up so they’d definitely catch you on camera in case you ever exited the building (along with the guards since they knew exactly what you looked liked) plus the clothes and such were still there, left untouched.

Some said you died, it was definitely impossible for you to just vanish without a single trace after all since everyone was looking for you.

Yet no one dared to say it in front of the boss, not if they valued their life.

The billionaire had dried out his connections to find you. What good was it to be the most powerful and richest man in the country if he couldn’t find you? Life had no meaning now, you were gone. It felt like a part of him was ceasing to function.

Sakusa Kiyoomi was a dead man walking now.

Unknown to the whole world, you’re in a small town with little to no signal. Your hair is chopped unevenly and your skin is darker from the repeated exposure under the sun, your life is simple and mundane now yet you’re happy.

For the first time in months, you actually felt free.

You shut your eyes tight, the events that transpired this past few months replayed  in your head. Your escape was definitely done as carefully as you can and you didn’t even know if you’d succeed since you weren’t a master in that sort of thing.

You recalled that it was a week before you ran away, a few days after you met that kid in the bus. Someone from the electric company had come to inform you that there was a scheduled black out in the city that day during the afternoon and you felt something bubble up in you. That was the day you’d put your plan into motion.

You knew that the longer you delayed your plan, the harder it would be to escape.

You had a few minutes to actually put your plan to work. The camera’s on the hallways would cease to function for a few minutes according to the guard downstairs as he did a protocol on the building (apparently the generators were quick). So that morning after Sakusa left, you placed only a few clothes and the stash of money you had been carefully hiding in a garbage bag and chopped your hair short in an uneven manner. Burning all the remaining hair on the fireplace and the black hair color that you use with it. The maid uniform that you stole on your floor and a fake name plate that you made was on and you were good to go.

The minute the black out started, you took the garbage bag and walked out. Taking the stairway used by the caretakers, you made sure to just look down and never directly up at the camera’s pretending to work.

When you finally made it out of your building. You let out a stiff sigh and put down the bag, it was only the beginning. If you thought the same way as Sakusa Kiyoomi, you could only imagine that you needed to be more careful from this point on.

You take the newly bought duffel bag that you strategically hid behind some boxes. Thankfully when you had placed it yesterday afternoon, it hadn’t been touched. 

You put on a pair of shorts and a baggy shirt with cheap shades and stuffed the maid uniform in the duffel bag along with your belongings in the garbage bag. You take the other route that led to the busy streets. It was easy to look like a tourist and seemingly blend in the crowd, from that point on, you only had one destination in mind.

When you were younger, you vividly remember an acquaintance telling you about this small town outside of Tokyo where her grandparents were from. It was only an hour away via plane and when you went down another few hours via bus yet if you took the bus route all in all, it would take a few days.

Since it was far, only a few busses actually went there and since you had to leave within the day, you decided to just take the bus nearest to that town and take another bus when you arrived there.

The plan smooth-sailed from that point on.

Except for one minor detail.

You open your eyes and look down at your now small bump. The monster who almost had you trapped left a parting gift, you grip your garden hoe tightly.

A big part of you wanted to kill it.

Yet every time you try to, you hesitate.

The moment you arrived here, you had to pretend to be a weary and poor widow. You just didn’t expect to be a weary and poor expecting widow. You let out an uncharted sigh at the thought, it was hard enough to be alone here with little to no money. 

This child had the demon’s blood in it.

Yes, you may have gone free from his cage but in truth with his seed growing in your stomach day by day, you started to feel quite the opposite.

taglist [thanks for your support ilyasm skkss im so sorry for updating late too :(]

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