#if your wondering why i picked these options

[swampgallows]

Transcription:

Wearing a mask was not political, but they made it political, so now wearing a mask is an act of resistance. I don't care how stupid that sounds to you and I'm gonna be very transparent, my goal here is to try to get you to wear a mask. So I need you to take whatever I'm about to say, pick the thing that resonates with you the most, and then have that be what drives you to wear a mask. Trump pulled the U.S. out of the World Health Organization and he instructed the halt of all communications from public health agencies. This includes the CDC, the NIH, the FDA on recalls, so we are even more in the dark than we were before on how bad things are right now. If you've been sick recently, you might know what I'm talking about. Flu A, COVID, Norovirus, all high—high transmission—but now with the halt of communications we are not gonna know what's going on. The CDC already sucked on that—I'll get to that shortly. All across the country, cities have called for and/or enacted bipartisan mask bans. Do you want to know what led to these mask bans? Well, it was anti-genocide protests. They don't want you to be able to hide your face because then you're easier to target. But what is the side effect of this? Going after people who mask to protect their health and the health of those around them. They don't like our calls for a free Palestine. One of these people who called for that was mayor of L.A., Karen Bass, and now that the fires have been raging, of course the city didn't have any stockpile of PPE for all the people who are inhaling ash, and wildfire smoke, and asbestos, and all the other chemicals that are burning with homes in the fires. No, that fell to mutual aid groups, specifically, anti-COVID and clean air groups. In the age of AI under fascist regimes, both Biden but especially Trump, when facial recognition technology can be weaponized against anyone, masking is an act of resistance. And finally, and most importantly, the number one core reason is because COVID still rages on. Wearing a mask is an act of resistance when corporations and billionaire CEOs can lobby the government to shorten COVID isolation periods, and then Biden does so. Since the very beginning of the pandemic when they said, "No, it only affects this group of people", and so we said "Okay, yeah, no, that's not me. We don't have to protect them." They tried to get you to not care, further harming disabled and high risk individuals, and lying to your face in the process because we're all high risk. In 2024 we got to see COVID rip through the Olympic Village. What we did not hear so much about is all of the athletes that didn't make it to the Olympics despite their training all of their lives because they were disabled by COVID. A recent study showed that 1 in 4 U.S. Marines that got COVID met the criteria for Long Covid. Wearing a mask is an act of resistance when COVID cases persist. When you feel sick all the time and everybody is having brain fog and you wonder why you are so tired, when they didn't bother clearly communicating that COVID is airborne, and that it moves like smoke, and that a lot of spread is asymptomatic or pre-symptomatic, meaning you don't feel sick, you don't know you have it, but you're spreading it.

Wearing a mask is an act of resistance when the World Health Organization told us that 10 to 20% of COVID cases result in Long Covid, and that doesn't account for consecutive infections. When that Long Covid can be mild, like the POTS [Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome] that I got from my COVID infection while being a previously healthy individual, or it can be severely debilitating and leave you bedbound. Wearing a mask is an act of resistance when you get sick and they want you back to work and they gut worker protections—in a country that provides no universal healthcare, so you're left either in debt or without options, untreated, in a country that loves its Big Pharma and counts on you getting sick. Wearing a mask is an act of resistance when all of this is in the name of capitalism. They do not care if you get sick. They want you betraying your disabled and immunocompromised community members. They do not care that you want to protest for a free Palestine. They do not care that you want to protect your identity from their AI surveillance. They don't care that the general population is sicker than ever. They want you to ignore it, and they want you to attack the people who still wear masks, like myself. They want you to attack the messenger. They do not want you questioning the premature declaration that the pandemic had ended because then they don't have to atone for this: the wastewater data that shows how prevalent COVID still is in our lives. And when you think about how many COVID cases lead to Long Covid, they don't want you thinking about how they allow for the general population to become disabled, because that would mean that it costs them something to prevent it, that would mean that they owe you. By the way, with Trump's halting of communications we can count on this [wastewater data] to go bye-bye because the CDC can't give us that data anymore. Biden gave that "pandemic is over" premature declaration after the Democrats had an internal memo declaring that they would do so because it earns them political points. It would be cheaper to not provide you with what you need and it would score political points by declaring the pandemic a victory on Biden's part. I don't want this video to be too long even though I could go on, but take whatever I just said that resonates with you and have that be what drives you to wear a mask. It is the easiest way to care for your neighbor and simultaneously give Trump the finger. Because we can't do anything if we're all sick, we can't do anything if we're constantly disabling each other. Lock in. [End of transcription.]

"Mask" here refers to a KN95, KF95, or N95 respirator, not a cloth or surgical mask. A cloth or surgical mask is better than nothing, but they are nowhere near as effective at preventing airborne transmission as a well-fitting respirator. The goal is to form an airtight seal against the face so that all incoming and outgoing air you breathe is filtered through the respirator.

If you need access to free or low-cost masks, testing, air purifiers, and more, get in touch with your local mask bloc. Find one near you at CovidActionMap.org.

Listen to her. Please.

[bitchinbarzal]

I never wanted kids|B Faber

Summary: It’s been months since you walked away, months since Brock let you. But late at night, when the silence is too loud, he picks up his phone and dials your number, leaving behind the truth he never said when you were his.

-

The phone rings.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

He already knows you’re not going to pick up, but he lets it ring out anyway, just in case. Just in case you’ve been staring at his contact like he’s been staring at yours for the past few weeks, debating if you should call, wondering if you even have anything left to say.

But the ringing stops, and your voicemail picks up instead, the automated voice instructing him to leave a message. And so he does.

“Hey. It’s me”

Brock exhales, rubbing a hand down his face. It’s late, and maybe that’s why he’s doing this, why he’s picking up his phone when he swore he’d stop. The thing is, he’s been telling himself a lot of things he doesn’t believe lately.

“I, uh… I miss you”

The words hang in the air, exposed and raw.

“I know that’s not fair to say. I know I should just let it go, let you go, but I can’t. Not when I keep thinking about you. About us”

He shifts, leaning back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling like the answers might be written there “I was in the store today, and I saw this little kid. Just a toddler, barely walking, and he had these tiny shoes. And I don’t know why, but it made me think of you”

Brock lets out a quiet, almost breathless laugh, shaking his head “You used to say you never wanted kids. Said they were messy, loud, and expensive. I’d tease you about it, and you’d just roll your eyes and say, ‘You know I’d rather just get a dog, right?’”

He swallows “And I agreed. Because, yeah, maybe neither of us were ever those people who dreamed about the white picket fence, the picture-perfect family. But sometimes… I’d imagine it anyway. Just for fun. Just because it was you”

His voice softens “I used to think about it more than I let on. The idea of having a kid who had your eyes and my nose, your laugh and my stubbornness. I’d think about teaching them how to ride a bike, how to tie their shoes, how to be kind. And it wasn’t that I necessarily wanted that life right now. It’s just… I wanted the option of it. With you. If that makes sense”

Brock exhales again, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees “I don’t know why I’m saying all this. Maybe because I never did when I had the chance. I thought we had time. That I didn’t have to rush to tell you all the things I wanted for us, all the ways I saw our future. But then you left, and I let you walk away, and now I’m sitting here talking to your voicemail like a goddamn idiot”

His chuckle is hollow, fading into something more fragile.

“I never wanted kids. Or maybe I did. Maybe I just never thought about it until you. And now I don’t know what I want, except that I know I still want you”

There’s a pause.

A long, loaded silence where he wonders if he should say more, if he should take it back, if he should just hang up and pretend this never happened.

“I know I don’t have a right to ask for anything, but if you ever want to talk… if you ever just want to hear my voice, I’ll pick up. Always”

Another breath.

“Goodnight, Y/N”

He ends the call, staring at the screen for a moment before setting his phone down, the weight of everything pressing against his chest. He doesn’t expect you to call back.

[oifaaa]

Wait shit just thought of something

(If you're about to comment any of the other bats just know you are wrong)

[ladyloveandjustice]

I actually ended up editing the third mini-chapter significantly when I just now posted it on ao3, so I figured I'd repost it here. Extremely silly of me to put so much time into editing an update to an ao3 fic not a lot of people are reading but when you're a fan of a niche sapphic ship in relatively small fandom, you do it for the love of the game and the small crowd that supports ya.

Bakeneko

She knew one day she’d have to chase off a yokai in front of Souko, and she knew that was the day that Souko would leave her.

When the time came, they were in the park under their usual tree, and Souko had Mari perched on her lap. She was reading to her, and her voice was so soothing that Reiko's eyes had drifted closed. Tired from a late shift, she was almost nodding off.

Then she heard something rustle and a strange prickle went down her neck. She snapped her eyes open, and spotted the source of her unease immediately.

It was some kind of bakeneko, and it was licking its chops as it crept closer and closer to her girlfriend and her daughter.

“HEY.” Reiko called loudly, making Souko and Mari jump. The bakeneko snarled, its tail puffing up. Before it could choose fight or flight, Reiko was upon it. The bakeneko lunged forward, swiping its claws, but Reiko grabbed it by the scruff of its neck, lifting it in the air.

“Bad kitty. They’re mine, not yours.”

The bakeneko immediately seemed to realize it was outmatched. It froze, ears flat, watching her warily. She should beat it up, she knew she should. In the old days, she would have challenged it to a match and bound its name in the Book of Friends, ensuring it could never hurt Souko and Mari.

But she couldn't use the Book of Friends anymore. In Hitoyoshi, yokai had started constantly coming after her, trying to seize the Book, and steal its power. This hadn't been a big deal when she was on her own, but now she had Mari to protect. Now even someone like her couldn't throw away her life so easily.  So she'd left Hitoyoshi, and vowed to keep it hidden away, out of any yokai's sight and never open it again.

On top of that, well...she kind of liked cats. It was an embarrassing weakness.

So she found herself saying, “I’ll leave some food out here for you if you promise not to eat any people.”

The cat stared at her for a second. “It has to be salmon or no deal,” it said in a scratchy voice.

God, it’s like talking to Madara. “Fine. I’ll give you salmon and I won’t kill you. You’re not getting anything better than that. Now, do you promise?

  “I promise.”

 Cat yokai were weirdly good about honoring their oaths, so she let it go. It slunk away into the bushes.

Then she turned back and saw Souko watching her with wide eyes. Resignation settled over Reiko. It had been wonderful while it lasted, but she knew it was over now.

Souko frowned, her eyes narrow, mouth tense

 “I guess I’ll be picking up some salmon tonight, then.” she said.

  “Uh…” Reiko stared at Souko, light headed. What was going on? She wasn’t even going to ask her about why she was talking to thin air?

That did sort of match up with what Reiko knew of Souko. She didn’t like to push people. But this? This was way too laid back. She didn’t know what to do. Should she say something? Should she come up with a lie? She just stood there, dizzy and useless.

“Thanks, by the way,” Souko said, tucking her hair behind her ear and lowering her eyes. “For now...and back then in the forest too.”

Static filled Reiko's brain, flooding her vision, buzzing in her ears.

What did Souko know? What did she think she knew? Had she pieced together some rumors when she was searching for Reiko as a teenager and figured it out? Souko was normal, though. Why wasn’t she frightened?

She stood there, dizzy and useless, her mind torn between a million options.  She should lie. She should leave. She should tell Souko to leave. She should say something, anything.

Souko stood up, setting her book and Mari gently on the ground. She walked toward Reiko carefully, like she was trying not to startle a skittish animal. Reiko flinched back. She wanted to run. She wanted grab Mari and run far, far away.

“Reiko, it’s okay,” Souko said softly. “I don’t need to know. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just want to be with you.”

She reached out and took Reiko’s shaking hands in hers. How are you real? Reiko wondered to herself.

 “We can act like it didn’t happen for as long as you need,” Souko murmured, rubbing gentle circles on the back of Reiko's hand with her thumb. “Just…please. Please stay.”

And inexplicably, Reiko did just that.

Paper Flowers- A Natsume Yuujinchou Fanfic

It's a Souko x Reiko fic! It's about what happens when Souko and Reiko reunite later in life, when Reiko was raising a daughter all on her own. Some old feeling reawaken and Reiko, as usual, tries to push them away...

I know I haven't finished my other Souko fic yet, but when I started this one I couldn't stop it. I really enjoyed writing from Reiko's cynical perspective and it was really interesting to thing about what it might have been like for her to have a kid, when she's so guarded and so aware of all the dangerous yokai that could hurt them. So it's exploring that along with Souko and Reiko's relationship. I'm pretty fond of this, which is nice, since I usually have mixed feelings about fics I write!

I include some very short chapters 2, 3, and 4 which are supplemental to the main story, but are little additions I wanted to write.

Ao3 Link (also at the bottom)

Paper Flowers

Reiko didn’t do reunions.

Everyone left Reiko eventually, or she cut ties first to save both of them the hassle. And whether they were human or yokai, once they were gone, she made sure she never saw them again.

Until Souko forcibly, annoyingly, made herself an exception.

Reiko was heading back home after a trip to the pharmacy, her daughter in her arms and some eyedrops in her pocket. She’d figured out the best route through downtown to avoid any yokai, but she remained alert as she walked in the fading dusk.

Then, out of nowhere, she heard something screaming her name. Hurried footsteps pounded behind her, sending vibrations up the sidewalk. It had to be a yokai. Reiko spun around, swung her fist...and barely stopped herself from decking a random woman in the face.

The woman flinched, but she apparently had no sense of self preservation, because she didn’t run away. She just panted and stared at Reiko with wide, disbelieving eyes.

And then Reiko recognized her. She didn’t look exactly the same as when Reiko had met her, her face had more of a healthy flush, her gaze was less hesitant, she stood a little straighter…but her hair still fell in soft clouds, her lips were still the color of peaches, her eyes were still warm and gentle. It was Souko.

Reiko’s fist dropped to her side. She swallowed, feeling a weird swoop in her stomach. She couldn’t find her voice, it was dried up and stuck in her throat. So she looked away from Souko and adjusted Mari, who was whimpering a little. She’d transferred her daughter to one arm when she threw the punch, and her protective grip was a little too tight. She gently stroked Mari’s hair, and her child’s sniffles died down.

Suddenly, Souko burst into tears, babbling that she’d always wanted to apologize to Reiko for the awful things she said, that she’d been desperate to see her again, that she’d waited every day for months in that forest…

“Bullshit,” Reiko cut her off icily, rubbing soothing circles on Mari’s back. “I was the one who waited for you. You never came back.”

She didn’t know what Souko was getting out of this obvious lie, and she didn’t know where this cold anger inside her was coming from. The whole mess had happened so long ago, and she’d never blamed Souko for it before now. It was just another entry on the list of rejections, an inevitable result of who Reiko was. It wasn’t a big deal. Still, she wasn’t going to play along with whatever this was.

Souko blinked. “But…that can’t be.” Her brow furrowed and her lips pinched for a second. Then her eyes went wide. “How long did you wait? Was it two days?”

“Uh…yes.” Reiko mumbled, a little embarrassed to admit it. But how did Souko…?

“I was sick,” Souko said quickly. “I couldn’t even get up for two days. But I came out to our spot on the third day. And I waited every day for two months after that.”

They both stood in complete silence, Reiko’s brain slowly processing. Yokai did tend to make sickly people worse, and Souko had been surrounded by them…and she’d guessed Reiko had waited for two days, how could she know that unless she was telling the truth? And what would the point of lying about this?

Souko really had come back. It had been a misunderstanding. All of it.

She’d made the Book of Friends, spent her teenage years challenging yokai to games, based on a misunderstanding.

Reiko burst out laughing.

She laughed until tears streamed down her eyes, laughed so hard she was scaring Mari, but she couldn’t stop. And she saw Souko was doubled over too, and their laughter joined in a chorus.

Reiko finally calmed down long enough to see to Mari, rocking her child in her arms until her cries abated, though she was still breaking out in fits of random giggles. Souko was wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand. Lots of people walking down the street were giving them funny looks, but Reiko was used to that.

“That’s really…really stupid,” Reiko finally managed to say in a raspy voice.

“It is,” Souko agreed. She straightened up, smoothing down her hair. “Let me treat you to dinner. To make up for the world’s dumbest mix-up.”

Reiko raised an eyebrow, intrigued. Souko would never have been so bold in high school. And something about the way she was looking at Reiko made her heart beat a little faster.

Following that feeling was a bad idea though.

“Well, I have a kid to take care of, so…”

Souko smiled down at Mari, who, despite the fact she’d been wailing a moment ago, smiled back. “She can come too. We can eat at someplace casual.” Then Souko’s lips pressed together and her face stiffened.  “Oh, wait…I wasn’t trying to…well, I imagine you already have dinner plans, don’t you?”

With your husband was the unspoken assumption. Reiko kept her voice light. “No plans, no. It’s usually instant ramen for me and whatever I can scrape together for her.”

Souko’s mouth formed an “oh”. Time for her to turn away in disgust, and Reiko could get on with her day. But instead, she said, “Well, since you’re free, let me feed you. If that’s okay?”

Reiko should say no. She knew she should say no. But she was so curious know what Souko had been up to, why she was here in this town, if she still liked flowers. And she noticed how Souko’s eyes softened when she looked at Mari, and how Mari was making happy noises.

Maybe just for tonight. To make up for letting the yokai get her sick. For accidentally standing her up. Then they could close the book on this.

“Okay,” she said. “One dinner.”

Dinner was less awkward than expected. The conversation flowed weirdly naturally, like it hadn’t been years since they’d seen each other. Like Reiko was someone who even knew how to talk to people.

Souko explained she was going to a university nearby and had come to town to explore for the weekend. She was majoring in environmental science, she told Reiko shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear. It was something she’d done often as a teenager, and it hit Reiko that this really was Souko.

 Reiko wanted to ask Souko some other questions, but Souko steamrolled right over her, hitting her with a barrage. “Do you live in this town? Have you been here long? When did you leave Hitoyoshi? ”

“Slow down,” Reiko said, taking a bite of her curry. She had to bite back a grin too. The way Souko was practically vibrating with curiosity was kind of adorable. “I live here, it’s been about a month and I moved a while back, shortly after I had Mari.”

 Obviously, staying in Hitoyoshi had not been an option, not when she had so many yokai after her and so many assholes to deal with. Reiko had looked high and low for a town that didn’t have many yokai, and she’d settled on this one.

“She’s beautiful,” Souko said, smiling at Mari. The restaurant had given the kid one of those paper menus and some crayons, and she was scribbling happily on it.

 “She is,” Reiko said, unable to keep a touch of pride out of her voice. “It doesn’t really suit me, the whole mom thing.” She gestured at herself. “I’m not the type. But she’d turned out great somehow.”

Reiko had honestly been terrified about bringing Mari into a world with so many dangers. She’d considered getting rid of the pregnancy at first. She didn’t want her child to go through the same things she did. She didn’t want to be responsible for a little life, one that could be so easily snuffed out, one that would constantly be in peril just by virtue of having Reiko as a mother. She didn’t want to fail Mari the way she’d been failed, hurt her the way she’d been hurt.

 But in the end, she’d decided she could face it with him by her side. And now that he was gone, all she had left of him was in Mari, a child so much more than the sum of their parts, someone so unique and beautiful and miraculous.

She could have made a different choice. Maybe it was unfair she'd saddled Mari with this one. But Reiko knew she'd do anything to protect her now. She’d do anything to give her a better life.

“I think you’re the type,” Souko said, interrupting her train of thought. When Reiko looked at her, she quickly looked away, tugging on her earlobe nervously, It was very unfair that even Souko’s ears were pretty, so delicate and petal-like. “When we were younger, you were always so patient, kind, protective…it’s not like a “mom” has to be one type anyway. And I know she’s turning out great because of you.”

 Why was Reiko’s throat tightening? Souko was just flattering her. She kept her voice light. “Oh no, it’s nothing like that. It’s just who she is. She doesn’t take after me at all.”

And Reiko was grateful for that every day. Mari had so little in common with her. She was sweet and well behaved, her eyes were a warm brown with no strange slit pupils that would invite mockery from other children, and most importantly, Reiko was almost completely certain Mari couldn’t see yokai. When an oni had stared creepily at her while she was playing in the park, Mari had just kept happily running around while Reiko intimidated it into leaving. She’d been completely unbothered by the creature with the chalky skin, stringy hair, and blackened fangs that had lurked in their previous home before Reiko exorcised it. No matter what the yokai did, Mari just never reacted, her eyes never followed them, and fear never touched her. Reiko had almost cried in happiness when she realized.

As far as Reiko knew, people who had the sight usually had it from birth, so she was very hopeful Mari would never develop it. She hoped this meant the curse would stop with her. That Mari would be able to live a normal, happy life and that if Mari had children, they would be able to live normally, and so would her children’s children…

It was more likely that the sight had skipped a generation, though. It had with Reiko’s father. If Mari had a kid, they’d probably be screwed. But, at the very least, Reiko could teach her daughter to accept people who saw yokai. She could spare her potential grandchild a little suffering that way.

  “I see you in her though. She’s got that look in her eye. Like she could take on the world.” Souko seemed entranced with Mari and Mari didn’t shy away from her gaze. She lifted her menu up and said “Flower!” pointing to an incomprehensible scribble.

“It is!” Souko said, clapping her hands as if Mari had presented her with the Mona Lisa.

“I like flower,” Mari said proudly.

 “I can make you another one! Do you want a flower?” Souko said with a sly smile.

“Yes!” Mari squeaked, nodding her head.

 Souko grabbed a napkin and started folding it quickly, her fingers moving impossibly fast. Then she presented the origami flower to Mari.

The kid's little face when slack with awe. She took the paper flower with her chubby hands, surprisingly careful as she held it.

The joy on Mari’s face warmed Reiko, and she laughed. “Wow. She usually isn't a fan of new people, but I guess you're the exception.”

She smirked, cupping her chin in her hands and studying the faint dusting of freckles on Souko's nose. “So you still like flowers?”

That field of blue flashed in her mind’s eye, and unfulfilled desire flickered.

A silky lank of hair fell over Souko’s eye as she grinned at Reiko. “Yes. I can’t garden while living on-campus, though.” Her smile turned to a frown.

 “An elite school like that doesn't have a garden? Must be hard,” Reiko replied, her words coming out sharper than she’d meant them. Souko flinched.

Great, now things were awkward and annoying. For some reason, she felt the need to smooth it over. “I bet you’re doing great over there, though. You were always smart.”

 “You are too,” Souko said softly.

“Yeah?” Reiko couldn’t hide the irritation in her voice. “Where’d you get that one? I know I’m not as smart as you, so you don’t need to pretend that I am.”

“You beat me at kakuro,” Souko said, sounding slightly pissed off herself. “And shiratori. And crosswords—"

 “Those aren’t real skills,” Reiko snapped.

“Japanese and Math aren’t real skills? That’s exactly the kind of thing that gets you into a university—”

“Do I look like someone who can go to university?” Reiko snapped.

 Souko paled, ducking her head and twisting her shirt in her hands. “Sorry.”

Reiko bit the inside of her cheek. What was she doing? She was usually so good at remaining calm and impassive, but Souko was just…bringing all this emotion out in her.

She laughed, trying to soothe Souko, but it just sounded harsh and cold. “I’m more suited to working. I’ve got a munchkin to take care of, after all.” Mari was still scribbling away, Souko’s flower on her lap.

“What kind of work?” Souko asked and Reiko could tell she was making an effort to keep her voice steady.

“Odd jobs, mostly. I work as a waitress part time, I do some yard work for random old people, some repair work, that kind of thing.”

To her surprise, Souko snickered, her face gaining some color again.

“What?”

“I want to see you as a waitress.”

“I’m not bad at it, if that’s what you’re hoping for. The boss tells me I have a great customer service smile.”

“You do,” Souko agreed, and Reiko wanted to get irritated at the subtle call out of her fake smile, but the playful real one on Souko’s face mollified her. “I just know you'd be...I mean, I think it'd be cute.”

Souko looked up through her eyelashes at Reiko, ears pink, her tongue slowly skimming her teeth.

Reiko was socially inept , but she wasn’t oblivious. She recognized the way Souko had been looking at her this whole meal. He’d looked at Reiko like that too, once upon a time. Souko’s gaze was blissful and rapt. She’d catch herself when she stared too long, blinking quickly and biting her lip. Sometimes she glanced like what whatever she was seeing was too blinding to look at.

And Reiko found she didn’t mind. That Souko’s gaze made her shiver. That it made a hunger she didn’t know she still had roil inside her.

“Are you checking me out, Souko?” she teased.

Souko paled. She slammed herself back against the booth, startling Mari. Her mouth opened and closed worldlessly, her eyes wild.

Ah, right, Souko’d probably had some bad experiences with girls who’d noticed she was checking them out. She wasn’t a social pariah, like Reiko. Being hated and threatened wasn’t the default. She had something to lose.

 “Because I think that means I’m allowed to check you out back.” Reiko gave her best mischievous smile, eyes traveling down Souko, drinking in her sunkissed skin, the graceful curve of her neck, the way her chest was heaving…

Souko’s lips parted slightly. Then they curved into a devilish grin. She leaned forward.

“You know,” she whispered, her breath tickling Reiko's ear. “I still like games, Reiko. And there’s this one I always win.”

Heat shot up Reiko’s neck.

Oh, what the hell. Just for tonight.

 And that was how what was supposed to be one dinner had ended with Souko and Reiko panting and naked on the floor of her shitty apartment, while Mari slept in the other room.

“Wow,” Reiko said, laying back on the futon. She was sweaty, ecstatic and utterly spent. “You’re really good at this.”

 “You don’t have to sound so surprised,” Souko snorted.

“How was I supposed to know you were so talented?” Reiko laughed. "I probably wasn’t any good though. It was my first time with a woman.”

“It’s not talent, it’s experience,” Souko said with an eye roll.

“Oh, is it now? I see college is very educational.”

 “Shut up,” Souko giggled, swatting at her arm. “Anyway, you were great for your first time.”

Reiko kept her grin fixed on, ignoring the weird twinge inside her. It wasn’t jealousy really…but she knew those college girls must have offered Souko something better than sex on the floor of a dingy apartment with peeling wallpaper and a weird sour smell. Souko could make love to those girls without worrying about waking a toddler, or enduring the sounds of a drunken shouting match next door. Souko could walk side by side with those girls with her head held high, because those girls had a future.

Snap out of it. So what? Who cares?

Reiko and Souko had gotten it out of their systems now. It had been fun. Probably way more fun for Reiko than Souko, but she’d still touched Reiko with a tenderness Reiko hadn’t felt since…well, in a while. She’d thought she’d never feel that again, but she had, and that was something to be grateful for. Now Souko could go back to those college girls, and Reiko would go back to her life. They could both move on and nobody would get hurt.

But then Souko interrupted her thoughts. “If you want to, um, refine your skills though, I’m happy to help you practice. Anytime.” She was twirling her fluffy hair around her finger, eyes lowered, her face glowing like the setting sun.

What the hell? Why would Souko want more mediocre sex with a poor single mom? What was wrong with her? Well, she’d always been kind. The kind of sap who probably still felt lingering guilt over that ancient comment. She was just pitying her.

 Reiko’s fingers dug into the covers, her mouth pressed in a hard line. This had been a mistake. She’d known that from the beginning, and she’d still done it, like a naïve idiot. What was she, a kid?

“It’s late,” she snapped. “Since the trains aren’t running, you’re welcome to spend the night here. I have to leave for work pretty early in the morning. I won’t wake you, but Mari probably will. But if you want to sleep in, I’ll just leave the key on the counter. Lock the door behind you and put it under the plant when you leave.”

 She laid down and pulled up her covers, her back to Souko. She closed her eyes, glad she couldn’t see her face. There was a long silence.

Then Souko spoke in an emotionless voice. “I can leave when you leave, I’m a pretty early riser. Thanks for letting me stay over.”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Good night.”

 The futon barely had enough room for two, so Reiko had to ignore the heat of Souko’s body pressed against hers, ignore how it made her heart race.

 This is for the best. It’s good to end it now. Because if she didn’t, Souko would eventually see the real Reiko and be disappointed and scared and disgusted. No, instead of wasting Souko’s time, Reiko would say goodbye on her own terms, just like she always did.

The ring of Reiko’s alarm clock woke her up. She yawned, feeling empty and achey and like she’d barely slept. Then, with a jolt, she realized Mari hadn’t woken her up. She bolted upright. Was something wrong, was she—

 But no, Mari was at the low table, wiggling and giggling as Souko made airplane noises, ready to crash-land a spoonful of miso soup inside Mari’s mouth.

 “…Hey,” Reiko said, not quite knowing how to react to this.

 Souko gave Reiko a sheepish look. “Sorry, I might have overstepped. I wanted to leave some breakfast for you, as thanks for letting me stay.” She gestured at the little meal of miso soup, rice and tofu on the other side of the low table. “Then she woke up and started fussing, and you were sleeping pretty deeply., so I thought I’d let her have breakfast with me. Sorry.”

 “It’s fine,” Reiko said tightly. She ran her fingers through the mess of her hair. Mari was bouncing up and down, enamored with Souko as always.

“You know,” Reiko muttered. “I’ve never seen Mari like someone this much other than…” Other than her dad. There was stab in her chest, a feeling she didn’t have time for. Souko had no right to remind her of these things. No right.

She silently got up and got ready for work. Once she was dressed, she shuffled out of the closet sized bathroom and found Souko putting her coat on while Mari happily shoved handfuls of rice into her gullet.

“Thanks for the breakfast,” Reiko said, realizing she’d forgotten to say it before, and feeling kind of shitty about that. “Uh, do you need to be walked to the bus or—”

Souko smiled stiffly at her. “I’m fine.” She was clutching her hat in her hands, her knuckles white. “Reiko. I know I shouldn’t ask…but did I do something to hurt you?”

"What? No.”

“It’s just, you seemed upset last night.”

 “I wasn’t.” Reiko looked away.

  “So then why does it seem like you want me out of here as quickly as possible?”

Reiko jolted, jerking her head back towards Souko. Souko’s hands were shaking, but her jaw was jutting out, full of detemination.

Wow, she did not mince words. It shouldn’t surprise Reiko so much though, even when they were teenagers, Souko had those moments where she was weirdly direct. The way she’d grabbed Reiko’s arm and asked her name. The way she’d challenged her to a game.

“It wasn’t anything you did. I just…I just need this to be a one -time thing.”

 “If you’re saying you don’t want me that way, it’s fine. I’m not offended, and we could still be friends if you—”

“It’s not that!” Reiko’s raised voice made Mari’s lip tremble, so she quickly lowered it again. “Souko, nothing’s changed since high school. I’m still violent and scary and strange, just like you and everyone else said. If any of your little college friends see you with the ratty, crazy single mom, they’ll think badly of you. Hell, your teachers will too. You don’t need to ruin your reputation because you feel guilty or something. I’ve never wanted anyone’s pity. I have Mari, and I like being on my own. I don’t need anything else. So just…go back to your fancy school where you belong.”

Souko just stared at her. Reiko was kind of horrified all of that had poured out of her mouth, but she refused to let her embarrassment show. She kept her ever reliable bland smile fixed on her face.

When Souko spoke, her voice was rough, like someone had taken a scrub-brush to her throat. “I’ve been in love with you we were kids, Reiko. I fell for you that first day we met. And I’ve never stopped thinking of you, never stopped hoping I could see you again.”

Reiko's breath hitched. She went very, very still.

“I went to Hitoyoshi to look for you once. I was that desperate to say sorry for hurting you. I asked around, and this girl started saying these awful things about you, even said she’d put some tacks in your school shoes once…and I just…lost it. I screamed at her. I slapped her. And of course I had to run like hell after that!" Souko shook her head, chuckling. "I nearly keeled over…but it felt amazing. I’d never let myself be truly angry at someone before, I’d always swallowed my all my feelings and tried to be good. But after that day, I decided to stop caring about what other people thought. You gave that to me, Reiko. So it doesn’t matter to me what anyone says about us."

She looked at Reiko fiercely, and all Reiko could do was stare back, the smile sliding off her face.

And I don't pity you," Souko went on. " I never did. All I think when I look at you now is... if I’m not careful, I might fall for you all over again.”

Reiko's just stood there, her tongue like glue, thick and useless in her mouth. Her chest was squeezing so tight that it might cave in.

Souko waited a few seconds for a reply, and then sighed. “It’s your choice to whether believe me, and it’s your choice if you want to end this. But. If you change your mind…” Souko took her steady gaze off Reiko and fiddled with the buttons of her coat. “I’m planning to study at Chestnut Park a couple blocks from here.  I like to sit under the tree by the tulips. So if you want to give us a chance, or even just be friends, come any time from eight to six. If you don’t, I won’t be upset. It’s just an offer.”

Souko put her hand on the doorknob, then froze. “Oh, but if I’m not there, it’s because I’m very sick or dead or something like that, so do not assume I stood you up.

She opened the door, made to step out, but then she froze up again. “Oh, but in case I do get sick or get hit by a car…” She took a notepad and pen out of her coat pocket, scribbled something down, and slammed a paper on the table. “There. You can call my college dorm if you want, the RA will patch me through. Oh! Another thing! Don’t leave immediately if I’m not there, wait a few minutes! I could be in the bathroom. Right, that should cover it.”

Reiko just watched her as she opened the door again, wondering if she was going to stop again, but she didn’t. She waved at Mari. “Goodbye, Mari! I loved playing with you!”

“Bye Souko!!!” Mari called back, waving, and the door clicked closed.

 Reiko gasped softly. She had only ever heard Mari say her name. She’d never even said the name of the landlady who babysat her while Reiko was at work in exchange for a little extra rent. But after knowing Souko for one day, Mari had learned hers. The woman was magic or something.

Whatever. Mari would forget her soon enough. All of those things Souko had said, they didn’t matter. Nothing good would happen to Souko if she got tangled up in Reiko’s life. There weren’t as many yokai here as there’d been in Hitoyoshi, but it still wasn’t safe to be around Reiko. She couldn’t protect both Souko and Mari. Souko would get caught up in something, she’d see that Natsume Reiko. And then she’d leave, just like everyone else.

It was best to keep Souko a nice memory. Just another name she could think of fondly.

I thought of you every day.

Reiko glanced at her tiny closet, where she’d boxed up the Book and buried it in a pile of junk.

I thought of her every day too, didn’t I. I’ve carried her with me for so long. It was her name I wanted to keep, hers I wished I was bound to. All this time.

She shook her head. It didn’t matter. These were useless thoughts.

She picked up the piece of paper with the number on it, crumpling it. She wrenched the cabinet with the trash can open, ready to throw it away.

Mari let out a wail, nearly giving her a heart attack.

“What’s wrong?”

Mari was holding a torn origami flower with her messy little hand. It was the one Souko had made. “Broke it…broke it…” She wailed louder. “Souko!!! Souko!!!”

Reiko looked back at her hand clutching the paper. She thought, again, of the flowers she never got to show Souko. Then she sighed, and put the paper in her pocket, and went to see to Mari.

***

Sunlight dappled the woman sitting under the tree, giving her a golden glow. She read her book, hair falling in soft waves over her face, covering one eye. As she tucked the hair back into place again, a shadow fell over her. She looked up.

“Mari tore her flower. She wants you to make her a new one.”

Souko’s face split in a huge smile. “I will. I can make you one too?”

Reiko sighed and flopped down beside Souko, holding her squirming daughter in her lap. “Go ahead. You win this one."

***

Sometime later, Reiko asked Souko to teach her about origami. Then she found some blue paper and made Souko her own flower.

“Like your name,” she murmured.

 Souko kissed her deeply.

Chapter 2

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Souko looked up from her menu, eyes twinkling playfully. “Is that any way to treat a customer?”

“Shut up.” Reiko groaned, tugging at the dumb little black bow tie they forced her to wear. “Why are you here.”

“I heard a really cute waitress works here. I wanted to check her out.” Souko put her chin in her hands, observing Reiko appreciatively.

“I’m spitting in your food.”

“Promise?”

My God. What happened to that prim and proper girl I found in the woods.

But Reiko couldn't help but smile a little as she turned on her heel and marched away.

Chapter 3

She knew one day she’d have to chase off a yokai in front of Souko, and she knew that was the day that Souko would leave her.

When the time came, they were in the park under their usual tree, and Souko had Mari perched on her lap. She was reading to her, and her voice was so soothing that Reiko's eyes had drifted closed. Tired from a late shift, she was almost nodding off.

Then she heard something rustle and a strange prickle went down her neck. She snapped her eyes open, and spotted the source of her unease immediately.

It was some kind of bakeneko, and it was licking its chops as it crept closer and closer to her girlfriend and her daughter.

“HEY.” Reiko called loudly, making Souko and Mari jump. The bakeneko snarled, its tail puffing up. Before it could choose fight or flight, Reiko was upon it. The bakeneko lunged forward, swiping its claws, but Reiko grabbed it by the scruff of its neck, lifting it in the air.

“Bad kitty. They’re mine, not yours.”

The bakeneko immediately seemed to realize it was outmatched. It froze, ears flat, watching her warily. She should beat it up, she knew she should. In the old days, she would have challenged it to a match and bound its name in the Book of Friends, ensuring it could never hurt Souko and Mari.

But she couldn't use the Book of Friends anymore. In Hitoyoshi, yokai had started constantly coming after her, trying to seize the Book, and steal its power. This hadn't been a big deal when she was on her own, but now she had Mari to protect. Now even someone like her couldn't throw away her life so easily.  So she'd left Hitoyoshi, and vowed to keep it hidden away, out of any yokai's sight and never open it again.

On top of that, well...she kind of liked cats. It was an embarrassing weakness.

So she found herself saying, “I’ll leave some food out here for you if you promise not to eat any people.”

The cat stared at her for a second. “It has to be salmon or no deal,” it said in a scratchy voice.

God, it’s like talking to Madara. “Fine. I’ll give you salmon and I won’t kill you. You’re not getting anything better than that. Now, do you promise?

  “I promise.”

 Cat yokai were weirdly good about honoring their oaths, so she let it go. It slunk away into the bushes.

Then she turned back and saw Souko watching her, face tense. Resignation settled over Reiko. It had been wonderful while it lasted, but she knew it was over now.

 “I’ll pick up some salmon tonight, I guess?” Souko said.

  “Uh…” Reiko stared at Souko, suddenly feeling light headed. What was going on? She wasn’t even going to ask her about why she was talking to thin air?

That did sort of match up with what Reiko knew of Souko. She didn’t like to push people. But this? This was way too laid back. She didn’t know what to do. Should she say something? Should she come up with a lie? She just stood there, dizzy and useless.

“Thanks, by the way,” Souko said, tucking her hair behind her ear and lowering her eyes. “For now...and back then in the forest too.”

Static filled Reiko's brain, flooding her vision, buzzing in her ears.

What did Souko know? What did she think she knew? Had she pieced together some rumors when she was searching for Reiko as a teenager and figured it out? Souko was normal, though. Why wasn’t she frightened?

She stood there, dizzy and useless, her mind torn between a million options.  She should lie. She should leave. She should tell Souko to leave. She should say something, anything.

Souko stood up, setting her book and Mari gently on the ground. She walked toward Reiko carefully, like she was trying not to startle a skittish animal. Reiko flinched back. She wanted to run. She wanted grab Mari and run far, far away.

“Reiko, it’s okay,” Souko said, holding her hands up as if to show she wasn’t a threat. “I don’t need to know. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just want to be with you.”

She reached out and took Reiko’s shaking hands in hers. How are you real? Reiko wondered to herself.

 “We can act like it didn’t happen for as long as you need,” Souko murmured, rubbing gentle circles on Reiko's hand with her thumb. “Just…please. Please stay.”

And inexplicably, Reiko did just that.

Chapter 4

Souko had gotten Mari hooked on gardening. The landlady had allowed them to start a community garden on the property, and Mari loved it when Souko would make her flower crowns. She’d watch Souko putter around the soil in fascination, only getting bored and pulling up flowers by their roots occasionally.

Mari was going to take after Souko more than her, Reiko knew it. Reiko liked to picture Mari growing up and having her own garden, maybe showing it to her own kids. She liked to imagine Souko’s kindness being passed down the generations just like with her flowers.

Reiko started buying seeds for Souko and Mari with what little money she could spare. And one day, she saw it on one of the little packages. Her breath hitched. She picked up the packet like it was something fragile and precious.

“I want to help you grow this one,” she told Souko when she got home that night, angling the packet picture away from her. Souko’s whole face lit up.

When the little thing finally, finally poked its head out of the soil, Souko lit up all over again.

“Like my name?”

“Like your name.” Reiko said, kissing Souko’s cheek.

And then, when Reiko checked one morning and it was in full bloom, she called for Souko to come.

“It’s beautiful,” Souko breathed, squatting down beside Reiko to see the azure petals up close.

“There was a whole field of these, near the woods where we met. I never got to show you. A couple of flowers can’t compare, but—”

Souko shook her head, her eyes bright and wet. “I think this is better.” She wiped her tears. “Because we grew it together. It’s ours.”

Mari, who’d been playing in the dirt nearby, toddled up to them. “Pretty!” she pointed at the flowers.

Reiko held out her hand, and Souko took it.

She’d been wrong all these years ago. It was so much better when you looked at beautiful things with people you loved.

---

And there we go! My idea for this is it's up to the reader to decide if it's an au where Reiko lives (or at the very least Souko is around for both Natsume's Mom (named Mari by me) and Natsume) or you can decide it's canon compliant and they broke up or something happened.

I originally was going to write the scenario for the break up, and then an epilogue where they got back together, and an epilogue where they didn't and canon happened. But I might not do that now, because I like how this turned out. We'll see! I might add some new vignettes later, it's just fun writing this. I hope you enjoy it like I did.