#im curious to see what it means though because ive seen so many people say jinx is possibly gonna be seen as like a leader

[0xy--m0r0n]

also . late addition.

these are samples of the firelights' style (who i assume painted the woman in the mural above)

and my note? the colours. they're mostly black and white with an addition of green.

i point this out because it could be that jinx has painted over the green (or another colour, maybe purple/pink like in the flag? maybe she missed a spot?)

and before anyone says "oh the mural in the actual hideout has multiple colours including blue wdym"

yes that's true but also note the art style change?? this one seems to be hyper realistic (if you consider how they look just like the show's style) and the other examples seen to be more stylised

and plus the outline on the drawing feels very last minute, like someone's gone over the drawing with another colour like i've said multiple times

Piltover Zaun

The difference in how they see Jinx abbevzbzb

[weirdmageddon]

why i think aradia and john work so well

(with some stuff i’ve been wanting to yap about for ages)

have you guys ever given arajohn / johnradia (idk if its popular enough to even have a standardized ship name) any thought …? i know it seems kind of out of left field. i’ve considered it and i think its. really really good. i have a bunch of thoughts to unpack. come join me. and maybe grab a snack or something because i didn’t realize how much i'd actually have to say about this

(fantastic art by skeletood)

the other day i made a tweet that did rather well where i said, “john and aradia shouldve talked more. its so simple but i like how she actually earnestly answers his questions. so many characters in this comic are so mean to john for just wanting to know more give him a break”

putting it out there now im not big about shipping for the sake of shipping. there needs to be real chemistry. i need to sense that as a reason why two characters would potentially be a good influence on each other. i never knew why i was always so obstinate about this because it’s fictional and not materially hurting anyone, but i think it might be because i’m not sure how to justify it or explain it if not.

i strongly believe john and aradia would have had it made out for them if circumstances allowed it. (what i mean by “ship” or “johnradia” extends to any kind of interpersonal dynamic, even if just a good friendship. it doesnt even have to be romantic, just some sort of dynamic with them.)

unfortunately aradia originally committed herself to staying out of trolling the kids over their timelines, so john and aradia never talked until year 3 on the ship in the dream bubbles but they never had a truly proper one-on-one without outside meddling. i think if john knew aradia better and her story beforehand, she had more time to explain herself and her history, he wouldnt have been unsettled. and also of course if his experience with the trolls didn’t suck so bad because he already had expectations for how antagonizing most of them were.

i found people’s sentiments about johnradia elsewhere too. i remembered that they were both on the song art for ascend, and searched ao3 to see how many fics have been written to gauge how substaintial it’s been in the homestuck fandom. only 17 of them turned up. but the people who do talk about it are either curious about it or really do like it, and that interested me.

clearly it’s pretty niche character relationship to be depicted in any fanwork and i can understand why. despite being so small, from what ive seen it seems universally agreed upon to be nice. i haven’t seen a single person object to it. what ive seen falls into two categories: “wow i didnt think about this before but i actually dig it” or “(starving) finally some good fucking food”

the pattern im seeing is that people think it’s “random”, but i disagree. there is something there substantiating it even if they’re unable to articulate it.

the fanfic these comments are from is chronology of wind. that fic is really, really good, and sadly unfinished. i have more abstract reasons to believe why aradia and john would be good in theory, so actually seeing someone else actually make something with them helped me read it in action, to get a more tangible feel of the dynamic beyond what we have in canon.

i wouldn’t normally make claims about a relationship with regard to homestuck canon by looking at their relationship in a fanfic, because i think you all know by now i am very nitpicky about accurate characterization, and it does not go unnoticed by me when people get it right because for some reason it feels like a one in a million thing (even though it really shouldn’t be?). so this was a special case. the tone was completely consistent with canon. this fic is so in-character i’d basically consider it an extension of canon. to me it’s like they took the same characters and plopped them into this scenario to see how they’d interact. guys… i love that stuff so much. i love fanfiction or fanworks that depict realistic extensions of canon and stays true to the energy and tone of the source, but deepens it. there isn’t enough of it imo. i want to see more of it.

anyway, what i read of their conversations in that fic basically aligned with what i was thinking in my head about what i’d expect it to be like. i was able to compare how aradia and john talked to how aradia and the other characters interacted, their comparative attitudes towards each other—how they’re treated by others compared to how they treat each other.

have you noticed john and aradia’s communication values are both based on sincerity, being in the proper know, treating people fairly, and thanklessly taking on the necessary work that “must be done” in order to have what they really want — a good time that feels meaningful? and they accomplish this without any adjustment in how they talk to each other.

john is always subtly (or not-so-subtly) asking the people around him to answer him soberly and to the point so he knows whats going on and what that means for what his options are. he needs to know to what end he will be applying his absurd energetic drive into making shit happen. aradia honors his time before john can even become uncomfortable with the amount of time being eaten up by conversation. contrast this with rose, who seems to go on for a while with prose-like conversational adornments. in dire situations that need rapid explanation and definitive answers so he knows what to do, this is really the last thing he needs. aradia doesnt waste john’s time. she answers all his questions, and does it politely to boot. his time talking to her doesn't feel wasted.

john's impatience with this sort of nonsense is also why i can’t see something like dirkjohn working out, for example. to me it feels like @entropicbias also deeply understands this on some level because i literally couldn’t have demonstrated what i mean by it any better myself than that. i'm gonna have to to hit him up about how much i genuinely respect that like tbh hes one of the few i absolutely trust to handle writing and depicting these characters in situations and their interpersonal dynamics. and also care about doing their characterization justice as much as me.

of course people are still entitled to like whatever they like, ship whatever they want to. i dont care. but i just don’t think it would work from the perspective of the minds of the canon characters, how they generally think and approach situations. and i can already tell people might ask me how do i know this? what makes me an expert? i’m not more than anyone else is (although i have been called a "characterization expert" from my friends), but i do know that i can pick up on the energetic chemistry between people, including characters, honestly precognitively, without even thinking? like if it’s stiff or tense or awkward, if people aren’t free to express themselves uninhibitedly, if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. i can sense this almost instantly. it’s something that’s a visceral feeling in my body i cant express and i have to rationalize it after the fact. like i’m doing now in fact writing this big analysis.

> listen to me talk about my special interest boy

for the next section to make sense, you probably want to read this post. i initially started writing it within this post to explain but there was so much brewing i had to explain the context that it turned into something i wanted to post on its own terms.

> okaaaaaayyyyy i read all that

thank you, really. my main point is using the conceptual tools provided by this system to expIain why aradia and john feel nice together and why i’ve seen people positively perceive the idea of a relationship between them even if it seems “random”.

framing them in this system, it wouldn’t be random! there’s a good reason they seem to fit nicely. this is because john and aradia have complementary forms of information metabolism. information metabolism is talked about in this section.

Jung’s psychic types are the types of cognition, or intelligence. But it would probably be easiest to call them types of IM [information metabolism], since the main difference between the types of people lies in their exchange of information with the external world.

Aushra Augusta, Commentary on Jung’s Typology and Introduction to Information Metabolism

aradia megido’s type of information metabolism (otherwise known as a TIM) is LII. john egbert’s TIM is ESE.

aradia and john’s types are duals. you can read more about what that entails here. in theory, their interactions would reflect the duality dynamic. reading chronology of wind, that one really in-character fic that explored their dynamic made me excited because they do!

michael pierce gave an overview of his impression of the characteristics of this intertype dynamic. despite only rough knowledge in socionics while he wrote this, his understanding of duality was spot on to me from my experience and others and i wanted to share it here. (fittingly, i believe he is also LII.)

Now we have the famous duality relationship: in a nutshell, this role is characterized by two traits: 1) a very close psychological distance or intimacy, and 2) a great ease of interacting with each other. It is sometimes described how meeting one's dual can be the event of a lifetime, because it inspires aspects in each party's character that they had never expressed before: the pair may even drop out of society for a time in order to focus on just each other, and to explore themselves through interaction with each other. The curious thing in this relationship is that these parties are rather different in outlook, and when they are not actually interacting as potential friends it's probably more likely for them to dislike or mistrust each other because of how different they are. […] However, when they are able to interact normally, it is a strange and wonderful discovery to realize that the interaction is unexpectedly smooth and invigorating. It's hard for people to describe, but as I understand it: while both parties recognize their differences on the surface, these differences are created by a root structure that coincides perfectly with each other, so that the differences on the surface are entirely complementary and cause no friction at all.

it’s also meaningful to consider that the structure of my own psyche is LII as well. so i’ve got a bit of a bias towards aradia and john.. not in the sense that what i actually say about them is personally biased, but that the bias is moreso my personal attention to people and characters of these two types in particular to see how my own experiences are reflected in them. i really do feel of a reflection of my own thought and work process in aradia and in the more abstract sense she is like an extension of myself. when people say they like aradia as a character i get secondhand joy from that because shares certain specific traits with me. of course i am still my own person though.

these are some of the most apt profiles i've found for these types at a glance. again, think about these characters as you read these descriptions. [from here (ESE / LII)]

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert) - john

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on socializing and guiding social situations and interactions so that the people involved can have fun and enjoy themselves. ESEs are typically in the middle of what is happening socially and know about the latest events and what people think and feel about them. They are skilled at bringing people together in fun and interesting ways and making everyone feel actively involved. Their friends know them as people who love life and feel most at home in social situations surrounded by other fun people. In their pursuit of fun-oriented and stimulating social interactions, ESEs typically neglect to structure their own thought processes and views in a way that would help them know exactly what they think and why. They are receptive to others’ attempts to help them introduce more structure and logical consistency in their life and thinking processes. They gravitate most to people who open up to fun and emotional interaction easily, yet are also skilled at systematizing thoughts and views and explaining ideological matters.

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert) - aradia

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on logical, structured thought and generating true assertions and views. LIIs are typically strict thinkers who are concerned that everything fits together in a logical way. They are skilled at understanding, generating, and criticizing logical arguments and instilling their views in the people around them. Their friends know them as people with well-organized thoughts and opinions who know what they think and can elucidate their ideas to others. In their pursuit of logical understanding, LIIs typically neglect their external social interactions and activities that would help them lighten up and experience a connection with other people. They are receptive to others’ attempts to create these fun and lighthearted situations for them. They gravitate most to people who are interested in their opinions and understanding of things, but are also skilled at organizing social interactions and creating a sense of emotional unity.

ive recently consciously experienced the feeling of duality for the first time since i've been communicating with my mom's high school classmate, and it is definitely a real thing. i even remember mom pointing out she noticed when we were all talking on the phone over a year ago that i perked up whenever he said stuff. here is how i explained it:

its bonkers how only once i experience something for myself i’m able to explain in detail what makes it so great based on what my impressions about it were because i tend to have a peculiar way of describing the qualities of an experience. my specialty is deep precision in my analogies for what it’s like. so now i can tell you how conversations with your dual feel… heres the status report. it’s weightless. its so strange. like the topic conversation stretches into infinity that you can pick right back up at any time. it’s hazy and unfocused but still pleasant (unless you’re particularly self-conscious and need to unlearn hiding your true self). but the best parts of it come when you have a specific issue or insecurity that comes with being your most natural self that the world seems to misunderstand about you, or just not give you what you don't even know you’ve been looking for. i think you might mutually intimidate each other at first because you're lowkey both expecting to be made fun of for your inadequacy with certain types of information that the other is nuanced with (and you’re not), but it never comes. you don't feel like what your dual wants in life is wrong. your dual seems so talented in all the ways you hope to shine but you’re always unsure of. for the introvert (me) wishing they felt their own active presence as an object (Se, Ne, Te, Fe) like the extravert does. for the extravert, wishing they felt their own relationships with other objects (Si, Ni, Ti, Fi) like the introvert does. any other intertype relationship (ITR) vs. duality is like the difference between 99% and 100% totality of a solar eclipse, except it’s the level of understanding with another person, like the eclipsing of your own information metabolism with theirs. of course there are other things that influence how well your relationship with this person goes, but i am talking strictly about when it comes to basic communication, the level of understanding you share. sometimes it might feel like you dont have much to talk about or the topic is unfocused, because you two ARE opposites in many ways after all, especially at a glance (domain of interests usually come with specific macroelements. theories about thought structures—like socionics, for instance��are in the domain of intuition, while physical interests and experiences are in the domain of sensorics.) i’m LII in the NT club (researchers) and my dual ESE in the SF club (social-communicative). so they’re constantly providing you with information from their own niche in life that you may be entirely unfamiliar with, but for some reason still interests and relaxes you to hear. you might not feel like you have a lot to say about the topic since but you are fully amazed by this person’s activity. it also makes you feel more sure of yourself and more confident that people truly appreciate and need your natural abilities.

> let’s break it down

here’s some lightly modified descriptions of the information blocks in LII and ESE's information metabolism models from pyatnitsky so you can get an overarching impression of how their type contributes to the informational sphere. i added some of my own adjustments and borrowed some sentences from stratiyevskaya's descriptions. additionally, you can click on the name of the block for an explanation of the role it plays.

i put about a week’s work into these collages but my goal with them was to actually show where i think these information blocks are most pertinent in these characters specifically and where they apply so it’s not just some abstract thing, just as supplementary examples as needed. (for the meaning of these information elements individually you can refer to cysia’s document.)

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert)

EGO (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Analytical thinking. They are well aware of the interrelationships of some objects or phenomena with others, and what laws are in effect or not in effect. On the basis of a comprehensive analysis, they put forward insights about the global essence of specific objects and phenomena, their possibilities. They acutely charge the situation with potential energy. For every situation, there is an archetype.

Super-EGO (-Fi? -> -Se!). Normative ideas about relationships between people and ways to get out of unpleasant ethical situations. Understands ethics as founded on the principles of fairness; to do to one side of the equation that you do to the other. Volitional manifestations in order to protect their living space are carried out only on the basis of personal experience. Because of the limited opportunities to fight back, they react painfully to attempts of any interference in his life. Does not respond to any arbitrary crudeness or volitional pressuring. Does not compromise goals, stubbornly clings to them. Avoids direct confrontation if possible, would rather talk civilly and earnestly. Uses their naturally strong sense of the conditioning of objects over time to avoid collisions with their material interests. Due to this, they may appear as someone with very little weaknesses.

Super-ID (+Fe -> +Si?) Attracts information about a good mood, a specific positive state, or a feeling. They would like to think that they can eliminate serious inconveniences, make the environment around them more comfortable. This skill needs to be evaluated. They are unconsciously activated when there is a need to make the environment more comfortable, which should lead to a better state, raise the mood at least in the immediate environment. In friendly, comfortable, and informal company, their cool exterior thaws and they start lighting up with joviality.

ID (+Te! → +Ni?). Has developed guidelines and methods that relate to specific practical activities, technological effectiveness, and resource use. Spontaneously feels the correct allocation of resources over time, which allows them to effectively solve tasks at an unhurried pace. This pace is deeply rational in nature.

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert)

EGO (+Fe! -> +Si?). Perception of the world is fundamentally emotional. Feels the emotional atmosphere well in any situation, knows the relevance of the way of expression, the place and weight (importance) of the internal state in each situation. Flexible approach to solving problems of managing and expressing emotions. They show bright emotionality both negative and positive. Creatively produces around themself comfort, coziness, conveniently arranges space, surrounds others with beautiful things, changing thereby the general condition and mood. Usually opinionated about their tastes.

(wow i really went all out on that this one that tumblr wont even display it in full resolution, so here. john just has so many more lines to choose from, sorry!)

Super-EGO (+Te! -> +Ni?). Practical and technological thinking is tightly based on acquired knowledge and patterns of solving similar problems. Methods of business activity in both general and specific areas are selected based on the opinion of reputable sources, or adjusted to one of the mastered templates. Predicting specific changes in the sphere of their interests is carried out only on the basis of personal experience. He is not able to compare his own method of forecasting with others, so he is sensitive to criticism of poor timing or deadlines, does not like situations that feel like a waste of his time; he is lost in connection with negative events. Guided by purely personal experience, he chooses specific times and deadlines for various tasks with a normative understanding of business activity in general.

Super-ID (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Attracts information about the order, specific logical relationships in the field of activity or interests. Needs someone to suggest specific ways to make connections between phenomena, patterns, and rules. Tries to be reasonable himself, even though he knows that this is not characteristic of him. Sometimes he openly talks of his actions that were poorly reasoned through, as if inviting other people to laugh at his thoughtlessness. The ordering and systematization of thought opens up a new way of understanding of events that are happening around him, as well as new prospects, potential, and capabilities. He likes to think that he understands the essence of a situation and lights up with new ideas. This skill needs to be evaluated. It is unconsciously activated when it is necessary to create order, clear consistency and clarity on a particular issue, especially if their abilities are recognized.

ID (-Fi? -> -Se!). Involuntarily keeps track of communications in their social circle. Without hesitation, they use a variety of ways to establish and maintain relationships that have been developed in his personal practice. Good relationships are important for personal inner confidence in a situation. To prevent unfavorable relationships, they are inclined, often without even realizing it, to act with pressure, forcing a showdown, forcing the partner to change the relationship for the better. Frequently demonstrates his resoluteness, persistence, and purposefulness, as if proposing his behavior as a model for imitation. Usually tells in much detail what obstacles were created before him, and how he overcame them, what he was told in response, and what he replied with, and so on and in the like.

(full res)

you might be able to see already how they would complement each other's thought process nicely. here are some descriptions of what the communication between these types is like:

+Fe! : program function of ESE and dual-seeking function of LII

The ESE periodically tells emotionally charged "program" function stories, telling of how somebody has acted and what they have done. The main orientation of ESE's leading ethical program is: "No one should be offended." The LII carefully listens to these statements, and, demonstrating a full understanding of these issues, develops logical basis for them, e.g. in calm persuasive voice he explains how the ESE has acted justly and fairly. The effusion of turbulent emotions coming from the ESE is counterbalanced by their absorption by the LII, who breaks them down into fragments by asking clarifying questions of the ESE.

-Ti? : dual-seeking function of ESE and program function of LII

The ESE is tuned to accepting information when it's relayed in clear logical form. He issues requests for logical explanations delivered from a point of view of generalized rules underpinning specific life events, which he receives from the LII, who delivers clear unambiguous interpretations, places the dots over all "i's", and demonstrates good understanding of problems that are of concern to the ESE. Not receiving information of this kind, the ESE begins making demands of those around him to be "intelligent" and understand the reasons of his actions.

-Ne! : activating function of ESE and creative function of LII

The ESE feels uncomfortable if he doesn't extend his help to people who are in need of it. His subconscious orientation is: "care and guard the talented", be kind and attentive towards other people. The LII usually meets such criteria by proving in action his aptitude at uncovering hidden capabilities, winning trust, passing on the knowledge. The ESE creates supportive conditions for people who are capable but lacking in assertive "push-through" qualities, among whom the LII finds himself, and a special work regime that protects such individuals from overloads on sensing functions. Newly discovered possibilities inspire and promote the pragmatic and business-oriented activities of the ESE. He can support a new undertaking or initiative with an enormous amount of energy and enthusiasm, light up by new ideas. Only the LII is able to, even having a vague general notion about the subject, construct a developed theory or idea of any issue. This theory shows to be promising in the process of its concrete application within its field.

+Si? : creative function of ESE and activating function of LII

LII tries to take care of their well-being, but may gravitate towards demonstrative asceticism, exhaust himself with work, studies, or exercise. The ESE periodically takes care of creating an environment that "charges" the LII with pleasant sensations: a reception of guests, a good meal, a visit to a theater or a concert, an interesting trip, and so on. At the same time the ESE takes pleasure in this himself.

+Te! : role function of ESE and observing function of LII

The role function of the ESE manifests as business-oriented activity and initiative, supplying interesting information, provision with material assistance to those who are in need, general restlessness and fussy busyness. This function is normative, i.e. the ESE seeks to comply with the norms and accepted ways of doing things. The nuancing of the understanding of these norms, i.e. introduction of activities that go beyond them, is possible only by considering LII's advice and recommendations. The LII serves as a director of this function, adjusting its workings by advocating the necessity of practical application of some beneficial ideas, rejection of useless though spectacular ideas, and the need to ensure standards of life not below average by rejection of equalization.

+Ni? : vulnerable function of ESE and demonstrative function of LII

The ESE poorly feels the flow of time, both physical, which manifests as running late and poor distribution of his strengths over time, and historical, which manifests as poor ability to anticipate consequences of actions and tendency for traditional ways of solving problems. The ESE finds it difficult to make radical choices. The LII fully takes this aspect onto his shoulders. He has an unconscious ability to distribute activities in time, thereby avoiding work stress and overloads, and is capable of making a radical choice. The LII is able to calmly wait and in the necessary moment get to work when the wasteful fussiness of the ESE reaches its critical point.

-Fi? : ignoring function of ESE and role function of LII

On this function the ESE gives advice and makes demands concerning the creation of appropriate psychological distances in form of proper behavior, courtesy and politeness, denouncing rudeness and boorishness. In this manner, the ESE adjusts LII's role function, which in itself contains a set of large psychological distances: a sullen stubborn look, unsociability, etc. With such fine-tuning it becomes easier for the LII to come into contact with people, whereby he becomes more animated, resolves many of his ethical problems that previously frightened him, gains greater insight into human relationships and a more accurate understanding as to whose side to take in situations of conflict.

-Se! : demonstrative function of ESE and vulnerable function of LII

The LII finds it very difficult to exert pressure on other people from his own will and initiative, especially in cases when he needs to attain something for himself. He finds this difficult to do - to press ahead in certain situations, to gather all the required paperwork, to stand in lines and queues, to petition for his own interests, even the ones that are of vital importance to him. He finds it difficult to push a person away, to sharply refuse someone, to quarrel loudly and defend his rights, to put an end to relations that have exhausted themselves. The ESE doesn't directly affect this function, i.e. he doesn't verbally criticize and teach the LII on this aspect, but takes over its functioning completely. The ESE exerts a constant, sometimes intrusive and imposing pressure on other people if there is a need to achieve something, to defend justice and demand fair treatment, to protect interests of those who are close and dear to him. The ESE goes to the right jurisdictions, inspires people around him and directs them towards work and purposeful activity, keeps up a high pace of life himself, and breaks off relations with those who don't deserve trust.

and some miscellaneous excerpts from literature i liked a lot. (i can't remember the sources i used since i've been working on this on and off, for the past week and i was just spilling things onto the post. i think stratiyevskaya?):

Mood - that’s what matters in this dyad - emotions and feelings. Anything that suppresses and overshadows good mood is considered unethical in this dyad and is strongly condemned.

The ESE does not allow the LII to limit him in the possibilities of consuming the amount of pleasures and joys, which he considers to be necessary and sufficient. Fortunately, both partners in the dyad - LII and ESE - are obstinate and unyielding. Both are demanding, unwilling (and not allowing anyone else) to lower the bar of their requirements, unable to give in and make concessions (especially in anything that is of principle for themselves). Both know how to make their partner reckon with their interests and insist on the fulfillment of their demands.

LII is impressed by the emotional generosity of ESE and his spiritual responsiveness. All this finds the deepest understanding in LII, since he is tuned to the same priorities and values. For his part, ESE admires the ability of LII to speak clearly and definitely on every issue. ESE is struck by the harmony of the reasoning of LII, the amazing clarity, accuracy and laconicism of his statements. To ESE it seems that for LII, there is nothing incomprehensible in this world; he can give a comprehensive explanation on every issue. And everything that ESE thought about before is gradually being built into a definite and clear system of views, which he can now very freely and naturally present. Confusion and chaos in his worldview gradually gives way to a stable logical order, as if someone patient and careful was sorting all his thoughts into shelves. Such clarity inspires and activates ESE; he begins to see some prospects for himself, new opportunities. His energy and activity, in addition to emotional and ethical expression, also receives sensory realization: ESE begins to take care of LII and carefully looks after him. If LII is a colleague with whom ESE is especially pleasant to communicate with, he begins to treat him with something tasty, homemade; will make some small, but beautiful and necessary gift (for example: new cologne or a warm scarf).

> okay that's great and all but when are we talking about john and aradia specifically?

yes, that was the point of this post. i just had to build all that up first so i could walk you through my thoughts in a fully substantiated way.

considering chronology of wind again, john doesnt realize it but he needs aradias frankness and insight. even if she’s unable to explicate on vague things, she states the reason why instead of making him feel stupid (it would create a doomed timeline) but thats all john needs to hear. she is self-effacing and only tells him the truth, and we know other people can take advantage of john’s suggestibility in this way. aradia tells john who is or isnt trustworthy, what actions would be useful/necessary and which ones wont, without any selfish personal motive a la vriska or terezi.

^ (juuuust the record my nitpicky ass doesn’t agree with the truth of the classpect interpretation on behalf of the author in the last bit BUT that is beside the point here. the point is that she is answering john’s question in a way that is meaningful for him)

aradia doesnt realize it but she needs john’s friendy goofiness to brighten her up because she is surrounded by people who antagonize her when she’s literally not even trying to get under anyones skin. everybody gets frustrated at her “spooky nonsense” because theyre afraid of their own mortality, basically telling her to put a lid on it because thinking about hard truths makes THEM personally uncomfortable. but to her it’s always just been a fact of life. plugging your ears to reality is ignorance, but at the same time that doesn’t mean there’s no meaning in anything. she wants to help people see this and she dedicates herself to becoming a psychopomp for the deceased and earnestly trying to make people feel emotionally and physically comfortable in their situation through exploring their memories.

john isn’t hostile towards her. by being herself she is immediately able to earn john’s trust when they initially talk. this is also true in canon; the one time they talked when john initially comes up to her, saying “can i ask you something? seem reasonable, and pretty nice.” unfortunately he asked her the one question she didn’t have much to say about, and i can’t blame him for expecting all the troll girls to be basically insane at that point. but i don’t think aradia is insane. yes she is odd, but i think it’s evident that she has a good head on her shoulders with knowledge of the way the universe around her works, and in the end wants to simply bask in watching it play out. i think she deserves to get childishly excited about it, especially considering she was dead for most of her developmental years.

aside from getting his answers answered, john shows curiosity about her and her species and even care about her well-being and state. this naturally comes from their conversation’s ebb and flow. aradia tells this straightforwardly, without bells and whistles and without trying to trick him, unlike the other trolls who seem keen on well..trolling him.. and providing him with unclear answers to those sorts things. maybe aside from vriska, but she did have a little bit of an attitude about it wherein her and john’s dynamic felt uneven or off-rhythm, with a large psychological distance. it’s a different feeling with aradia, however. they exchange information on the same rhythm and so are able to achieve a closer psychological distance in communication.

there are no judgments coming from aradia about john being “stupid”. she doesn’t underestimate him. it’s not just that john wants to understand (although he does), but he needs to understand what he is doing. aradia compliments john about the traits he possesses that allow him to be effective. i guess in a way i’m doing the same thing with john right now.

john is so mobile and strung along by being the action hero going from place to place as a can-do deliveryboy that he never has time to reflect on his losses, think through them, and accept them.

literally who else is more qualified in all of homestuck than aradia for talking to john about these things?

on top of all of this, they have objectively significant connections beyond just mutual self-realization in a way i think could've been fleshed out. there is potential here.

for a story, i can think of a way that a conversation between them could plausibly happen using the systems established in homestuck's mythology. in canon, we see that john never met aradia until year 3 on the golden battleship in the dream bubbles when he goes to sleep.

but john still dreamt out in the furthest ring. that means during those 3 years it was possible for john to have had a dream with her in it, or at least aradiabot. i know john didn't know aradia's name beforehand but let's just explore the possibility that they could have had met before that. remember that all these aradiabots were once this person.

aradia had obtained john's crosbytop, his dads hat, and his wallet quite a while before their sgrub session. theres your entry

imagine john seeing that

memories of dear old dad get stirred up through the link of seeing those items

the dream bubble transforms

john is forced to stand in his memories and explore grief and the meaning of life with aradia

physically being in the space around him would definitely help john reflect easier i think because it will force him to actually exist within the space and talk to someone, taking some time out for this. he wanted to know if anything could've been done or if he was just too late to save them. i know aradia would be able help him slow down and introspect. don't forget the opportunities created by the properties of these spaces that are glubbed out in the furthest ring by the horrorterrors that meld the labyrinthine time and space of their surroundings to the memories of the people and finding others through common points in memory. i would imagine that objects known by multiple people would provide a common point in memory to bring them together.

The bubbles allow the players of Sburb/Sgrub who have lost a life to continue dreaming. The reality constructed in the bubbles is a combination of the memories of everyone inside the bubble accessible to any who has learned the bubble's nature. According to Aradia, it would be quite difficult to exit a bubble to get into a new one, however someone inside a bubble can travel to another one through common points in memory, taking their own memories with them to be integrated into the new bubble. These memories mix and combine, but in general, no new memories are created. Additionally, the bubbles store the consciousness of a player who has lost their dream selves and their original selves, making them double as a form of afterlife; the player is then capable of accessing the memory of anyone else who has gained access to the bubbles. Living players, who have lost or become their dream selves, appear in the dream bubbles when they are asleep. It is in this fashion that the bubbles can be used as meeting places between the dead and the living; even those from alternate universes and doomed timelines can be found in a bubble. Furthermore, in addition to memories, the bubbles can to some extent reflect the thoughts of a player. Beyond that, the bubbles can also behave similarly to Skaia's clouds, showing things that are in some way relevant to the player - such as when coin-flip Dave saw alpha Dave grieving over Bro's corpse - something he was not aware of before being shown it by a bubble.

physically reflect the thoughts of the player…… rubs hands

john and aradia share points in memory related to those objects, and to top it all of they are directly related to john's dad on the same day he died, while aradia grew up with them as bizarre alien artifacts from an archeological dig. the memories are more emotionally charged for john, and i think that distinction would probably be relevant to them both.

to be honest i think after speaking with him for a bit she would readily tell john that she regrets not talking to the kids from the universe her team created sooner before she died, but is glad that she can in the afterlife. in canon, alpha aradia told a doomed dave, "i think its absurd i never introduced myself to you in all that time i spent moping around the lab. guess i wasnt in a very good mood".

now not all the aradiabots would know who john is, because the trolls only found out about the humans once they created the genesis frog and hid out in the lab in the veil from jack who infiltrated their session. the aradiabot in the lab was the last one that survived. so if any one of them would know who john is, it would be the aradiabot that exploded. aradia's dream self ascended to god tier in jack noir's rampage on trolls' derse and took those memories with her which we can assume is what made the last aradiabot explode. its known that any original copy that dies when another rises up becomes a ghost and lives on in the dream bubbles, which would include her. a doomed aradiabot we see in the comic, which was the one that originally landed to alternia in the past, becomes more lighthearted after she dies, a bit more like her alive counterpart.

oh yeah, and the more obvious surface-level connections to top it off? ghostbusters? john ain't afraid of no ghost girl. john would be genuinely interested in what aradia living as a ghost irl on her planet and not as a gaming abstraction in the furthest ring would be like. i imagine she would be able to explain the subjective experience and that she had to prototype herself into the kernelsprite order for her server player to see her. there's also no way john hasn't seen a movie as classic as indiana jones and judging from her poster i can imagine he probably thinks it's sweet that aradia's strife specibus whipkind is a reflection of her own personal tastes, interests and hobbies.

so yeah i've just been chewing on all of this and thinking about it but i know i needed to just get this out there somehow. obviously since i spent two weeks putting this post together i'd be happy to hear your thoughts

[faunandfloraas]

Aussie question time: when I find out an idol is American/Canadian, their image in my mind completely changes because now it’s like “Oh I know exactly who you are, I grew up with your type around me” there are subtleties that I’m going to understand that others might not. So with all that said, I’ve been curious about what that’s like (if you experience it) w the skz aussies (throw in a lily if you’re feeling it -v-) 🎤

this is wayyyyyy too long so I'm putting it under a read more- also disclaimer: i dont know these guys and these are just my opinions, dont take em too srs <3

Hmmmm... Well I guess I'll start with Felix- I've said it before a bunch but the whole "Felix is a tiny uwuw baby sweet summerchild who is just such a baby" etc. etc. has made me laugh from the get go- because Yep! he is incredibly sensitive and sweet natured and kind and he cries a lot- 100% that is true. Dont think I'm saying it's not. But like. He also grew up in western sydney, he grew up in a area that if you google it one of the first suggestions is "is it safe" but then at the same time he went to private catholic school im pretty sure. and i saw pics from back then that he'd posted back in the day of cool little felix with his gold watch and his fade and all his little homeboys looking rowdy on the train- I know that kid and while that kid can also be sweet and sensitive, he's not incapable and hes not a baby. Good recent example was when he went on that Jewel box show with the gay dudes and people were acting like he was *so uncomfortable* and sooooo out of his element and so this and so that- theres gay dudes all over sydney, there's gay dudes all over australian media- the idea felix couldnt handle that was simply laughable to me- but it kinda shows how many outside perceptions of him still very much fall into that vaguely infantalizing thing. Like when he was the one who was happy to go up to adam levine and dj snake in that skz talker while the other boys were much more shy? that didnt shock me at all. felix went to korea as a whole teenager laregly against his parent wishes- he's actually quite an outgoing and brave guy. Outgoing guys can still be sweeties, though- one doesn't negate the other.

One other aspect of Felix i think a lot of fans just gloss over but is easily noticeable by me is that he can kindaaaaaa be ... a lil bitchy? like he's never ever mean or cruel dont get me wrong- but he has a slight bitchy streak, he rolls his eyes AND he's actually much more sarcastic than people bring up? Again- he does it a lot with Chan and that doesnt shock me- they both are aussie boys, Chan will get it and I think Felix can very much be himself with Chan, he doesn't necessarily feel the need to put up an extra air of like... Sweetie boy-ness? bc when he calls chan a cunt on live chan just laughs and goes OI!! so yuh the main thing with felix is while i do think hes a little sweet guy, ive never from the get go had a hard time seeing him outside of that box, too. Also maybe that's a lil bit aussie humour slipping under the radar here or there 🤔

Chan to me from the get go too was pretty much like. Prototypical overachieving aussie Good Boy. Like, i had a drafted post i never posted bc it was too niche- but it was essentially about how he speaks about sports and the like, and it just said "We get it. You went to zone carnival" which was the sporting event that the kids who got gold or 1st place were sent to. If you went to zone, you were the Successful kid. I think these days most fans perceive him as... a bit of a goofy guy? but I have gone through the archives and i have seen the comments from people talking about how chans such a bad boy- thats shit is so funny to me bc you can show me every iteration of chan and I'd never, ever think he's a bad boy. Like he wishes he was a bad boy, he kinda cosplays a bad boy- even him referencing swearing bc of his australianess and shit over the years makes me giggle a little bc i feel like felix def 100% swears all the time but he doesnt like Smirk about it too much? he doesnt really bring it up? things like that stand out, it to me feels very like Oh yeah I'm this naughty Aussie boy who swears hehe and then all the australians are like ? Girl we all do huh lmao

Otherwise, I dont have as much to say about chan as i do about felix, funnily. Like idk people might perceive differently to me, but nothing too far off? I will say that given Chan's success and the fact he was seemingly a very well achieving kid too (maybe not debuting for such a long time is part of this) he is WAY more humble than I'd expect. Like not to besmirch Australian men but a lot of them can be really loud and cocky, especially the famous successful ones (any sport star) it's almost encouraged to be like that if you're a dude (but only to a certain degree, anything beyond a certain point and you'll be roasted lol) So I have to give credit where it's due and say that Chan *Seemingly does have a very good nature and I appreciate that about him! Its probably why I like him so much bc he actually very much doesn't give off those vibes- he doesn't seem like that overly macho cocky bloke I know very well. So that makes him good fun for me- he's very successful and he's confident and yet he doesn't activate any of my bitch instincts- thats impressive! I don't know him, so I'll never know for sure of course, i feel like i need to make that disclaimer but still I do believe he has a good heart, and he tries so hard! and I appreciate that.

Lily is weirdly like Chan. like she's hilariously like chan tbh- I wonder how they really get along sometimes bc I feel like they might look at each other and be like Hm... we the same............ ? Lmao I will say though, lily is a bit out of pocket and half of that I believe is her personality but half of it is just.... I think she's just australian 😭 like i cant lie you get me as a teenager to early 20 something and put me on a live and I can promise I would be saying as much ?? shit. Like, I do think Australians are a little loud and not necessarily always.... tactful (again Not everyone, but yk.) lily certainly fits that bill to a T. I appreciate that regardless of her idolhood she does still say things that maybe she shouldn't, she shrugs off a shoplifting confession, she says she'd murder someone if she had to, she bought and wore a shirt that fans quickly tracked down and found out all the proceeds were going to Palestine- she would have known what that suggested. she clearly had this goal of being an idol since she was a baby, like literal baby but she hasn't sacrificed her broader personality, even the parts that could potentially be off-putting to those idol fans that expect perfection and nothing else. I appreciate that in her! and I hope she never loses her little weird girl spark bc it does make her very dynamic! Her slightly gruff aussie girlness is very fun for me to see in the idolsphere bc it def feels out of place, but in a refreshing way...

so yeah. Idk if this was sensical, I was making dinner so I put my phone down a bunch and it's probably disjointed but thats my opinion... my thoughts, my ideas! Idk my take on them. Thanks for asking 🫡

[catboygirljoker]

Genuinely curious; you got any headcanons for like random eccentricities/foibles for the Org13 or anyone else?

regrettably most of my headcanons tend to be on a broader characterization/thematic level, ideas about how characters relate to each other and the world and themselves. the droves and droves of hyperspecific headcanons i have about xigbar are primarily from turning him over in my hands so many times trying to figure out what the Fuck is going On with him. i dont really get deep into the weeds of little details until i feel i have a strong idea of who a character is as a person

i have got a random grab bag of headcanons here for ya, though i think theyre not exactly what you had in mind. i tried to avoid mentioning xigbar as much as possible because if i didn't it'd just turn into a xigpost.

in order from mostly a joke to more serious and thought out:

dark riku is a teenage reddit atheist type who disguises his discomfort with swearing by claiming that people only swear if their vocabularies arent big enough to come up with something smarter to say. vanitas is an undiagnosed untreated unsupported AuDHD problem child who swears every other word and plays with lighters and knives. they cant be left alone in a room with each other because they Will try to kill each other.

there have been way more organization members than we've seen, like, maybe there were originally 13 org members. axel just killed all the others so saix would rise in the ranks. the only people we see in the org either dont pose a threat or are taken out as soon as they do. everyone always asks "how is demyx in the org if he's so lazy?" when the answer is that he survived because he's lazy.

(xigbar is the one exception in that he's definitely a threat, but he's frustratingly difficult to blackmail or kill or otherwise neutralize. xaldin is a follower more than a leader and dedicated to his duties; lexaeus the same. vexen doesnt want power, hes just here for science, he just wants funding. demyx ive mentioned. luxord's just here to play poker. and well we see what happens to the rest.)

saix directly modeled himself after xemnas and is as devoted to him as axel is to saix. i feel like if you compare isa's hair in bbs to his hair in 2+, you can make the argument that saix has styled his hair to resemble xemnas's. in 3 we see him in full berserk mode standing obediently at xemnas's heel without budging an inch as he watches his best friend get hurt.

(worth noting that i imagine we are meant to understand that saix is just, like, a good employee, he wants power in the org so he works hard to attain it and is obedient in pursuit of that. i think there are even scenes were it seems like saix doesnt fully trust xemnas. but i like making it fucked up and dependent. sue me)

xemnas doesnt really feel like hes entirely there. you look into his eyes and its like hes looking a little past you. hes a shell of a shell of a shell, the nobody of a botched possession who had vague experiments done on him. all he seeks and all he cares about is kingdom hearts and he barely remembers why. the only time he's actually present or displays any concrete personality or will is when he's exerting that will over someone. contrast the spacey floatiness of any of his long-winded monologues with how suddenly laser-focused he is on destroying axel in 3.

i made a post where i reference the platonic threefold structure of the soul [boo hiss]—if xemnas is just the Head and Belly, divested from the chest, nothing but pure carnal hunger for kingdom hearts and the higher logical means of attaining it, ansem SoD is just the Chest, the irrational emotional yearning for kingdom hearts. thats why he has nothing to do with the org or xemnas, he's kind of a rogue element doing his own thing. since he's the inverse of xemnas, the two of them cant work together, the same way you couldnt play a chess game with a rabid dog

anyway thank you foibles anon ! i hope you like this post anyway even if im sure its not what you expected

[tadpolesonalgae]

ive seen the argument that rhys killed the winter court children thrown around so much but thank you for saying that bc i was starting to think i read it wrong. kallias only agrees to help the night court when it's made clear that rhys didnt kill the children and that amarantha had another mind reader. and they even become allies because kallias and viviane are at some celebration at the housw of wind later in the books right? if it had been rhys none of that would happen.

there are a lot of reasons you can not like rhysand he was always meant to be a morally grey character (imo sjm made him too nice actually) but im always confused when people keep using this reason because it might be the only one he was proven innocent

i loved the story dont get me wrong but reader in that is closer to hybern than to rhysand like the whole thing with the ic is that they all did terrible things but with a reason and she's just a bitch for a lack of a better word

i also felt both az and rhys were justified in how they treated her, i mean it was tough to read but she went way too far in how she was talking about elain, calling her all type of misogynistic names just because azriel and her are together so ofc azriel lost it on her (and not even that badly like he meant everything he said and none of those were lies) and then ofc the last straw for rhys was her threatening to dig up the archeron dad, that's a disgusting thing to do and rhys doesnt play about feyre. also if she has had this personality for centuries i can only imagine the list of shit the ic has against her

id love to read more of this story but i think it's pretty clear she's a villain, not even morally grey like the ic. i do love villain stories though so im excited lol

I mean, with the Winter Court situation, I’m pretty sure that’s what happened? 🫣 I don’t have the books on me at the moment so I can’t check but I agree it would be weird if Kalias and Viviane came over for the solstice with the death of a dozen children between them, so I’m inclined to believe Rhys wasn’t the one who committed that particular crime for Amarantha 🫠😭

And with Rhys being morally grey, I feel like it gets a little confusing because we don’t really get to see what he’s like as a character without Feyre? I feel like he probably took a bit of a (positive) turn now that he has his mate if that makes sense? Also the fact he isn’t under the pressure of maintaining a mask so thoroughly has probably contributed to who he’s become? I’d really like to get a scene though where the morally grey part bleeds through, perhaps if someone’s threatened in a future book? 👀

Either way, he’s a fictional character (to many’s upset 😔) so I suppose his personal ethics aren’t a particular point of contention when held against some problems occurring in our world 😕

‘i loved the story dont get me wrong but reader in that is closer to hybern than to rhysand’

You do not have to worry about a thing, she is fully intended to be easily and actively dislikable though I don’t think it’s an issue if some people take her side since this is a work of fiction 🧡💛

However, I am really interested in seeing what sides people take when it comes to what she does and her motivations, as well as what she holds dear and who she’s loyal to when it comes down to it! I’ll be curious if anyone will feel her actions might be more easily justifiable or at the very least understandable once more of her past is dug up? Whether people feel a bad deed is always a bad deed irrespective of circumstance, or whether the context and environment surrounding an action should be taken into consideration before passing judgement :)

‘calling her all type of misogynistic names just because azriel and her are together so ofc azriel lost it on her’

To be perfectly honest with you, I really enjoyed getting to write the parts because of how inappropriate they were given the situation 🤦😭 Her trying to convince Az to be with her and then insulting the person he claims to be in love with 🫣

‘and then ofc the last straw for rhys was her threatening to dig up the archeron dad, that's a disgusting thing to do and rhys doesnt play about feyre.’

I mean, not only is she a prominent figure in society, but she also has some pretty intense power readily disposable, and she doesn’t really act like she’s responsible enough to handle it (but we���ll inevitably examine those parts, too, because it would be weird if she just came into all that power without any sort of accountability or understanding of death and life, right? 👀)

‘id love to read more of this story but i think it's pretty clear she's a villain, not even morally grey like the ic. i do love villain stories though so im excited lol’

Honestly I’m still figuring out what’s going to happen in the end? She’s going to get with Az, but I’m indecisive on whether it’ll be a clean ending or not? I feel like if it is going to be like that, there’s a line that she won’t be able to cross, whereas it might be quite interesting to see how people try to reconcile her actions while still keeping in line with their own morals?

Also witnessing through her actions what sort of person she’s become and what situations have led up to that (and whether there are other people partially responsible for the things that have happened)

Either way, I think it’ll be exciting to figure these things out! There’s still so much of the story yet to be decided on, so it’s going to take some time for a next part to come together! And thank you so much for writing in!! I absolutely adore getting to read thoughts like this, it makes me so happy to know you’re invested to this level 🧡💛

[compassionatereminders]

hi dokter (i think i spelled it right? sorry;;). im gonna sound like an asshole and i feel horrible about that but, i feel like a lot of people fake DID and multiple personality disorders. I know that i shouldnt fake claim people and such but, ive been on discord servers and theres a random channel dedicated to alters finding out who they are and then they always know how to set themselves up with a bot mechanic and switch between people rapidly. im a jerk for this, but genuinely in my head there is no logical explanation for how they have amnesia but know and understand discord completely. or how people will have fictives that are nothing like the source, just genuinely nothing like the character. its present in a lot of teenagers that struggle with mental illness and escapism, i think its less of a knowingly faking thing and more of a misdiagnosing themselves and truly WISHING there were more people there and they could share a body with dream. I feel like i do a fair amount of research, and looking into DID leaves me confused sometimes with how a lot of people online display their symptoms. why do alters all share an account and sign it? how do they all know the password? how do they all know how to operate it? (referring to tiktok because so much DID content comes from there, all with teenagers and young adults. i have yet to see someone over the age of like, 23 talking about DID. Not saying that just cause youre young you cant be blank, but i feel like its worth noting.) i guess i consider myself a kind person, and i dont care about what people do if it doesnt harm anyone. but this DOES harm people. i think its mostly people self diagnosing because they identify mood swings, different interests, and a yearning to be closer to their favorite fictional character or not be alone. so they truly do believe that this character is possessing them, even when its truly them changing their voice, putting on different clothes, adding an accent, and such. when people fake an illness, they dont fully understand what its like to have it and act in a way that is not accurate. isnt this the kind of thing that leads to stigmatization? to people completely changing their definition of DID since all they have seen is kids faking and acting like their favorite minecraft youtuber? i dont know. i feel bad since i hear from people with DID that they do feel this way, they feel like people now have a warped view of the disorder from people faking it online. Im not speaking for everyones experiences, maybe some dont care maybe some think its a coping mechanism, i have no idea. im sorry i went off on such a rant. i really like kats blog, she's helped a lot in ways. one last asshole note. A part of me is crying out that youre just kat typing while speaking her true and harsher thoughts under a different name, like an alter ego. im sorry, i know she wouldnt do that and im sure thats not what you are. i just had to ask, to clarify i guess (Even though i more just. stated it. sorry;;). i am probably not very nice in your eyes now, i dont mean to be the mental illness gatekeeper or anything but when you can very clearly tell so many are faking something serious its hard to just, go along with it. p.s. since youre a dokter who shares kats mind, how did you get all the education to be a psychiatrist? i feel like kat alone could be one, since she is very well educated and good at that stuff. is that why? or another reason. jsut genuinely curious;;.

None of us are psych professionals and none of us are claiming to have DID. Like sure there is a general issue of misdiagnosis causing the spread of misinformation which is to some degree harmful, but when I am explicitly stating that I don't have DID, how do you then read that as me faking DID? How is my experience inherently fake just because it isn't corresponding with the clinical experience of DID? Why is having the clinical disorder DID the only way my experience could be valid and real? Why is anything besides the clinical diagnosis DID fake in your eyes? Please spell that part out for me

[nonbinarygamzee]

Dave thoughts? I'm very curious about your hatred for that guy (if that makes sense)

HAHA ok so admittedly maybe my posts about how much i hate him are a bit overblown because i basically think its really funny that he only comes up on my blog if i am being a hater. integral to understand that while i post "fandom" content on here that i dont really think of this as a fandom blog so much as a blog where i come to have conversations with myself and so naturally just bc of who i am a lot of my little posts are full of context and meaning i never bother to externalize because they are for me to reread later and have a little chuckle about.

anyways. theres a lot of reasons i find him grating but i can at least admit it that a lot of my annoyance has more to do with the way i was forced to slog through strider manpain posts endlessly as a teenager any direction i tried to look. when the fandom seemed hyperfocused on him and his woes while actively sending me like graphic gore at like age 14 for saying hey maybe this other character also deserves some sympathy and maybe even analysis that has more to say than why they are an evil irredeemable monster for being unstable as a child. which yknow that isnt daves fault but man even without that part it was tiring to see all of the emotional depth constantly boxed into his corner. and then to repeatedly have the comics itself affirm all of this as valid exploration and then ridicule me for My exploration. for many many years the strider manpainisms made me not bother with dirk just on principle even though today hes one of the more interesting characters to me! so i can admit im not being totally "fair" here but well. as usual i think the fandom darlings can handle a fraction of the disdain ive see thrown my favies ways constantly for over a decade.

and like none of that to say i dont Get why people do this with him or that he deserved anything he got as a kid or it wasnt abuse or whatever. let the records show that i think it is Wrong to terrorize your brotherson with swords and sex puppets. im a feminist.

more rooted in the reality of the comic itself though i just find it grating how often daves sole function in a scene is to be the authors mouthpiece and specifically often in ways where you are meant to implicitly agree with the things he is saying irregardless of whether they are a centrist gen x nightmare opinion because its also the larger opinion of homestuck as an entity. dave is far from the only character to do this and id say any of the characters you could comfortably refer to as the "protagonists" actually end up slipping into this fairly often. that said the other biggest offenders imo are karkat, egbert and terezi and i also have feelings of extreme ambivalence for terezi and to be honest an outright disinterest in egbert. so. i am at least consistent about it! karkats my special guy but i need him hunted for sport and tortured until he stops being this and largely the things he believe that make me feel that way heavily align with the opinions the comic depicts as mostly right and again tend to be moments hussies worldview is bleeding into the narrative especially openly.

anddd ok. i just find daves personality grating on top of it. i cant sit here and pretend ive never laughed at a dave strider dialogue but generally a lot of the parts people find very funny are parts i tend to come away having seen the thousanth iteration of dave having his worldview affirmed and getting to do some #awesome clapback at the person insinuating he even try to think outside of his own preconceived ideas about what things should be like. in general in a story so full of characters doing bad things it just grates on me that, while his offenses are certainly usually "minor" in the grand scheme of things, the lack of willingness to challenge them often just means like dave gets to be right and nobody remembers when he actually massively fucks someone else up or makes them feel worse. like to be clear none of this is a problem in that characters cant "do bad things", i literally like vriska, but it would be cool if we could at least like. acknowledge that theyre anything but entertaining even within the context of the universe where other characters should be allowed to be uncomfortable when hes actively creepy or uses their emotional breaking points as a soapbox for how He feels. but since it would cause this big rift in how homestuck itself presents the opinions it wants you to agree with, those characters just..... not only do not mind most of the time but even if they do its never in a way that allows them agency in the matter. thats the crux of it all for me actually, hes by far one of the most autonomous characters of the bunch and it feels frequently like his agency is at the expense of others because hes a self insert.

um ok tldr hes annoying and him being the Face of homestuck is like..... accurate but in the most painful nightmare way because he kind of just. Is homestuck. to me.

(and i actually do see iterations of him sometimes that i find compelling but they all feel so detached from how hes presented in the comic that it just feels like someones oc. all of this said also i actually kind of have an absurd amount of thoughts on how he would act post game (epilogues ignored here) just i dont bother to do much with em because dave likers would hate it and other dave haters probably wouldnt care enough lol. also always secondary info anyways, hes finally allowed irrelevency in My city)

[butchviking]

idk if your post was rhetorical but it got me thinking. my def of transgender is someone who thinks performance or lack thereof of sex-based stereotypes Means Something intrinsic or pathological about themselves. up to and including 'internal' stereotypes (see women who think they aren't women because they don't enjoy performing femininity 'for men' but like performing it 'for themselves').

tbh i think the draw of the transgender label overall is the fact that it has so many definitions and can't be pinned down. discussing it w trans friends irl has always wound up "well transness means something different to everyone" even though that isn't... meaningful. (if trans means something different to everyone what is the 'trans community'? 'trans activism'?) and any further attempts to understand are considered stupid at best and hostile at worst. i'd be so curious to see what trans-id'ed people would say transgender means to them honestly like besties i've been trying to figure this out for a decade give me something to work with

it was absolutely not rhetorical! im rly interested in this conversation.

"means something intrinsic or pathological about themselves"... that's definitely a broad one. i tend to think that my own lack of performance of sex-based stereotypes (not an entire lack im sure, there will still b aspects of female socialisation that have seeped into me, but im relatively gnc) means smthn intrinsic about me, but it's not that i have a gendered soul - it's that im stubborn, prone to defy, autistic (so don't pick up/care about social rules) , and that im just naturally, intrinsically, kind of loud/brash/agressive/etc and those traits happen to be coded as masculine in the society im in. i think many gay ppl would also say that their lack of performance of sex stereotypes says smthn intrinsic about them, and it's that they're gay!

sorry im shooting down every definition everyone comes up w but i think ur right, i think it is totally unpinnable. ive been asking this question to gender critical friends fr a few weeks and ive gotten slightly different answers each time but i think no matter how u define it you're always going to end up either excluding some ppl who are clearly trans and/or including some ppl who aren't. and yeah, when i was first getting into gender criticism & discussed it w trans friends they all said the same as yours did - "it's different for everybody". and maybe one could say "oh the specific definition doesn't matter that much" but when we start enshrining things in law nd talking about protections for trans ppl, trans rights, or even trans communities & trans activism like u said, we surely need 2 know what people are included in that and what ppl aren't

i'd love for some trans ppl to weigh in on this! i know i have plenty following me im not sure how much they read what i say and how much they're just here for gerard image but if any of my followers reading this identify as trans & want to explain what that means 2 them id love 2 hear it. cause yeah, exactly, pushing for anything beyond "it's different for everyone" is usually seen as stupid at best & hostile at worst, but that just ends up meaning that we've got different groups of ppl all defining it their own ways and never even talking abt it between each other and thats only gna divide us further nd leave people having all these arguments abt "trans people" where the ppl arguing aren't even arguing abt the SAME GROUP OF PPL because they both have such different ideas in their head of what trans means. so trans ppl PLEASE weigh in here i promise i'll b niceys

[ruby-whistler]

Srry but i noticed in one of ur dream posts u Referred to tommy's cat as hope. I must correct u, that cat was born pussbou and died pussboi. /lh Also tommy killing that cat was nothing compared to dream killing mushroom henry in exile btw just wanna say Also for ur posts about dreams trauma or wilbur manipulating him can u provide links to vods or other proof? Srry if i seem rude i mean that in a "genuinely curious way"

Aaa sorry if my ask came off as rude im just genuinely curious :(((

hi! dw, you don't seem rude at all, and i'm extremely happy someone with a different perspective has found my blog! i really appreciate that sort of attitude and am happy to answer :]

/dsmp /rp

the cat was called pussboy by tommy, but dream only called it "the cat" and then said that "it was hope", which is why it sort of became a symbol (his hope is dead, basically) - that's why i kind of made its name capitalized, because it was more of a metaphor than anything.

most c!dream fans call the cat hope because it's just really nice and really symbolic, and also really sad when you think about it. that's why the name was used in the essay, just to clear up the confusion!

tommy killing that cat was nothing compared to dream killing mushroom henry in exile

i don't really think so? mooshroom henry was entertainment more than anything, and even if it was bad, when watching the stream i don't remember seeing him mourn that much - on the other hand, dream was very quickly and very obviously attached to the cat, with it being his only companion in months of isolation, along with the hope that even when tommy left it would keep him company.

keep in mind c!dream has been deprived of stimuli and human contact for so long it's officially classified as psychological torture at that point.

i don't mean to compare trauma or even compare deaths - because honestly, what c!dream and c!tommy have gone through individually is incomparable and i think neither should be diminished in favor of the other since they're both terrible situations.

that's why i disagree that it "was nothing compared to" - it had an obvious effect on c!dream, and was still c!tommy killing an animal specifically to hurt him, no matter what reasons he had.

when i'm talking about effects people's actions have had on c!dream, i'm not talking about those people. i'm talking about him. :) /lh

as for the trauma, a lot of people agree that a lot of the things he says or does are trauma responses, and hence it's very possible that he's had trauma before he went into prison!

this includes being repeatedly called a tyrant via propaganda by about half of your friends who decided to betray you, trying to keep peace and being pushed deeper into villainy instead, repeatedly being put in between a rock and a hard place in order to make sure the people you care about don't start killing each other, then being betrayed by your closest friends after merely trying to keep peace (sapnap & george) and just in general having no control over your life or image and grasping at straws to gain it back.

i know a lot of people with trauma who heavily relate to certain trauma responses, which aren't always just shaky breaths and flashbacks, but trauma often also manifests itself in extremely ugly and destructive ways, both inwardly and outwardly.

trying to control the people around you is also very often a response to going through trauma, as well as emotional repression which is... rather evident on c!dream during season two. it only seems to get worse with repeated abandonment.

in the end, during the vault scene, the way he acts really just isn't at all the way a healthy person would act, and a lot of his really bad mindsets come from the way he was taught by the world around him.

the character is very reserved however, and since we don't have his pov we can't really say for certain - a lot of people claim it in good faith because they have a lot of evidence for it, and i think they're certainly valid in that.

that is just before the prison, however. from what happened during the prison arc? there is no denying he's traumatized at this point.

he's been emotionally and physically abused by c!sam since the very beginning of being imprisoned, and being in solitary confinement for over two weeks is generally considered psychological (and maybe also physical?) torture. that alone shows up in a lot of symptoms of his mental deterioration while in pandora's during people's visits, and quackity's "sessions" just absolutely drove the point home.

what he's gone through during this arc is absolutely incomparable to anything others charactes have faced before, and it's just plain suffering being endured by someone who is, despite everything, still a human being.

as for the wilbur manipulation thing!! it's talking about the whole vassal scene (though even beforehand a lot of their interactions are pretty iffy), and here's a post about that :]

I also have a small question about the analysis u last reblogged cus it says "why dream needed lmanburg gone rightfully" and like. The house analogy is poor because for one cus the land is infinite. And 2 cus punz's yard was literally larger then lmanburg. And also stuff about dream being a mediator? Can u provide examples?

i wouldn't say it was poor. dream's said a lot of times that he didn't care in the slightest about the land - a lot of his problems with l'manberg arose with the fact that wilbur basically built it on lies and tried to disallow half of the server to come there. c!dream was mad about the division and the fact that wilbur wanted "freedom" to have authority in his lands - over others, as can be seen in this post also.

the table analogy was fitting not because dream was some overlord, but because these were literally friends he invited to hang out and live in a place he wanted to call home. claiming a part of it for yourself and saying people of a certain nationality can't come in is directly opposing those goals.

in the early days of the smp, dream's always been a mediator between his friends - sapnap and george, who would often get into fights and go around killing each other! he would always do his best to stop the conflict, which continued after tommy joined when he took him to court and then later tried to mediate conflicts he was a part of, which resulted in tommy killing him unprovoked, stealing his gear, and starting the disc wars when dream was trying to get his stuff back. later, during pogtopia, he is also most concerned with peace over everything, and this seems to continue indefinitely after.

Today i was thinking about how messed up the final control room was. Like. Dream arranged the betrayal and punz and sapnap killed tommy and tubbo who like. Were literal children and their pals (because the author, wilbur soot, is dead/j but srsly if u take the streamers words tommy said he was 9 during the revolution sooo)

Sorry im gonna ramble about how dumb canon ages are for a second cus like. Streamers can say the characters are one way or another (wilbur saying he is mentally 30-something, etc.) But in the end the characters act like they(or at least their streaming personas) do.

i... honestly don't find it that bad? they were in a war, and the final control room was basically just supposed to end it quicker. the l'manbergians made it clear they were going to fight to the death, so they really left c!dream no other choice. and it's not like he didn't give them chances to give up.

also yeah the 9 year old thing was retconned, because in that case c!dream would've been 14 and i don't think that's true.

c!tommy and c!dream were both young and once again, in a war. the final control room was an attempt to assure victory, which both sides would've taken if possible, but only c!dream saw he had the option.

i do agree the whole child soldier thing was bad but... complain about that to c!wilbur, methinks. he talked naive kids into fighting for his personal power. however, the age argument isn't really valid either way. they had enough agency to sign up for it, and whether or not c!wilbur pushing the intense nationalism onto them had something to do with that is another debate entirely.

Bacl to final control room cus like??? Also fun fact punz took 2 of wilbur's canon lives. And like that probably is what started wilbur's paranoia which later lead to his spiral and i. Many thoughts full of lmanburg today.

i'm pretty sure cc!wilbur said what lead to c!wilbur's spiral was a "dark, twister view of possessions" and "disregard for his fellow citizen whom he claimed to love so much", but i really wouldn't say it was the control room; if anything the sudden loss of power after the elections seems to me like the trigger for his spiral.

I watched the exile arc live and. I feel dirty almost for feeling little to no sympathy for c!dream (srry ive been forgetting to add that aa) because of his actions toward c!tommy and like. The whole probation was so humiliating and unfair and c!dream was planning to frame him for the crimes he and puffy did under the the guise of "pranks" and c!quackity was planning to seize the vice president role.

i mean... to be fair, if you didn't watch the prison arc much yet or only watch tommy's perspective i understand not feeling that sympathetic - however, i encourage you to maybe watch a few prison visits, since they could help you see the whole picture better!

i also watched it live, and i also thought it was terrible, but i share very much the same sentiment for the prison arc because. absolutely no one should have to go through either of those things, you know?

i don't think probation was that humiliating? he was just. being asked to not start conflict with the other factions for two weeks. of course, what happened as a result is in no way justified, but i don't think probation itself would've been bad at all. either way yeah the framing and c!quackity's behaviour was. very yikes, i agree.

Also c!tommy antis are dumb because they say "he deserved exile angry emoji" i dont see u saying that about ranboo. Just say you hate cc!tommy and go. Also people say c!tommy was just as toxic to c!dream and i??? No. One is the victim and one is the abuser and like. :/// man. This part is rambly srry

i wouldn't say they hate cc!tommy? cc!tommy has a persona who people think is annoying at first ( but then they subscribe because he is super entertaining big man! ) but a lot of c!tommy's actions are straight up toxic to certain characters, such as c!funndy and c!jack. he has a very dismissive attitude towards others and their trauma and it does affect the people around them very negatively.

examples; his repeated bullying and behavior towards fundy:

Tommy: “Fundy, I’m just here to kinda let you know that I – if you weren’t Wilbur’s son, you would be out of L’manburg, alright? Just remember – you need to keep that relationship with your father. I saw how asshole-y and bratty you were acting in the courtroom the other night. You need to pull your shit together young man.”

......

Fundy: “I’m wearing glasses…are you making fun of my eyesight?!”

Tommy: “Yes.”

Sapnap: “Your father would be very disappointed.”

Fundy: “Wh – disappointed for wearing glasses?!”

Tommy: “You got glasses, like what are you wearing…”

Fundy: “What do you mean?”

Tommy: “Sapnap, Sapnap, over here. Fundy, Fundy, Fundy, I’m really sorry to say this – I’m just here to publicly denounce you.”

Fundy: “…What?”

( credit for transcript: @/findingjoynweirdstuff )

he's also responsible for a big chunk of c!jack's trauma, both with actions and words, and that's why i think certain people might dislike the character, and i don't think that's wrong of them. anyone can dislike any character they want if they don't attack people for liking them, in my opinion.

also c!tommy was most definitely toxic against c!dream in the cell. it's of course understandable but that doesn't change the fact he was constantly hitting and insulting him (without dream doing anything back for a long while until he snapped) which is toxic behaviour.

i wouldn't say he was "just as" though, so i agree with you on that. they're different and they behave differently.

i made a dream blob keychain today. Is it possible to send images if u wanna see? Idk cus i havent used tumblr before. I think that's all for now. Thx for letting me talk :D peepoShy -curious anon (but fr a connoreatspants c!dream redemption arc would be cool)

yooo that's cool! i don't really,,, know if it's possible to send images? try it out and if it isn't i'll try find a way to turn it on.

also, no problem! just please remember this is a c!dream sympathetic blog, and me as well as my followers are uhh,, oftentimes emotionally attached / personally relate to the character, so if you could avoid sending hate on the character (not that you have or that i expect you to, just a friendly reminder) in the asks that would be great! we already see a lot of it unwillingly so, i'd rather not see more, but as long as the discussion is civil i'm absolutely ok with you asking more and with me answering more questions if you'd want to! :)

if anyone else would like to reblog this and add some things i might've missed with my answers, feel free to, just go easy on her (she uses she/her pronouns!) and keep it factual.

i hope u had a good or at least ok time at school today :D

thanks! i gtg now because exam tomorrow but i'm going to try write the redemption essay tomorrow as well because ohhh boy i have a lot of ideas about what all i could write around the concept.

also sorry this was long, i can't keep my tongue on the leash :[

[finalgilmoregirl]

just in time (bucky barnes x reader)

summary: bucky hears your music in the middle of the night, and sees you in your natural state for the first time. lightly inspired by the song ‘just in time’ by tony bennett !

warnings: none :) just fluff !

a/n: ooooo first one-shot & it’s of bucky! yay! i hope you enjoy this, ive had this idea in my head for weeks & im glad i’m finally writing it. acne is something i struggle with so i can relate to this and maybe you will too! <3 also sorry for any mistakes!!

————————————

It was another one of his many sleepless nights. Even after months of therapy and his nightmares actually lessening, there still came nights where he was afraid to go to sleep. No matter how comfortable he got, Bucky was still anxious at the thought of his mind forcing him to dream of his old life, afraid of seeing the faces of the innocent souls he killed.

He couldn’t stand just laying in the dark either. Bucky felt like he should’ve been doing something if he wasn’t sleeping, but he felt far too tired to even want to do anything else than sleep. All he wanted was to relax.

As he turned over for what felt like the hundredth time, he heard something. At first he thought it was someone talking, but the voice didn’t sound like anyone he knows in the compound....’Is that music?’ he thought.

The song sounded familiar, and thanks to his super-soldier hearing, he was quick in identifying the specific voice. Tony Bennett.

He was a fan of the singer. When he was busy catching up on music and pop culture, he found himself listening to music from the 40s and 50s the most. He felt at home listening to songs with big bands playing in the background and raspy voices singing the lyrics.

He was no longer tired as he pulled the messy covers off of his body and began to stand up. He was curious to know who was listening to music at this hour. Maybe even praise them for their good music taste. As he walked down the hall to the door next to his, he was pleasantly surprised to learn the music was coming from your bedroom. He could see the dim light coming from under your door, and now he was curious to why you were up so late, seeing it had to be at least 2:30 right now.

Surprisingly, Bucky wasn’t as nervous as he thought he would be, considering he was standing at your door in the middle of the night. He’s had a growing crush on you since you first joined the team, around 4 months after he did. Now it being a little over a year and a half since you joined, he’s gotten comfortable around you to the point where he can talk to you about most things, even the nightmares that came back now and then.

And of course you had the same feelings for him, he was just as suave as you imagined, him being known as a ladies man in the 40s. Although he was more timid now, after getting him to open up, you would’ve never guessed how much of a delight he was to be around.

He knocked on your door, and it wasn’t until after he did that he realized what he was doing. ‘Knocking on a girls door in the middle of the night, are you crazy?’, he thought as he felt his heart beat a little faster. ‘What if she was asleep? What if she was working on something? What if she had company?’

All those thoughts cleared in a second however, when you opened the door and looked up at Bucky’s tall frame in the dark hallway. You were wearing a t-shirt that was definitely 3 sizes too big, and biker shorts that peeked out the bottom of the shirt. Your hair was in a ponytail, fly aways and loose strands framing your face. He looked at your face once again, barely visible in the dark light, Bucky only able to make out your eyes and lips.

“Bucky? What’s up?”, you asked, a hint of confusion and even worry in your voice. Bucky forgot why he was here until he heard the music again.

“I couldn’t sleep and I heard your music. Just thought I’d come by to see where it was coming from.”, He said, shrugging his shoulders and putting his hands in his sweatpants pockets.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry! Did I wake you?”, You quickly asked, now feeling guilty at the thought of him not being able to sleep because of you.

“No, no! I was tossing for hours doll, don’t worry it wasn’t you. Just couldn’t sleep, is all.”, He assured you.

You sighed in relief as you opened the door more, wordlessly inviting him in. He accepted your silent offer and sat on your bed as you went to the record player in the corner of your room, turning it down a little, so you would be able to talk without having to raise your voices too loud.

“You like Bennett?”, Bucky asked, sitting on your bed. You giggled and turned to where he was, and nodded. “Yeah. Something about music like this just makes me feel safe. I don’t know it’s weird.”

“I don’t think it’s weird. I love it. Reminds me of the good ol days.” he said, laying back on the bed with his hands under his head, even though the pillows were just a few feet away. You hummed as a way to show him you understood.

“Sorry I don’t look presentable. I wasn’t really expecting guests.” You laughed with a hint of nervousness, sitting cross legged and facing him.

He furrowed his brows and turned his head, and that’s when he got a clear view of your face.

Your bare face.

He was a little surprised to say the least. He’s never seen you without makeup. In the entire time he’s known you, you’ve always worn it every single time he’s seen you. Always powdered up to perfection with your long lashes curled and shimmer making your face look almost reflective in the light. But this was the opposite and he was at a loss for words.

“You- You’re not- your face....”, he stuttered. He didn’t mean for it to come out as mean. If anything his heart was soaring at the sight of you. However you thought differently.

“Jeez Buck. Way to make a girl feel good about herself.”, you said, covering your reddening cheeks with your hands. “What you’ve never seen a girl without makeup? I knew it was bad but I-“

“No no no!”, he interrupted. He lightly grabbed your wrists and lowered them, so he could get a good look at you. “I was just surprised. You look just as beautiful without it. I’ve never seen you without makeup and I just, wow. You look adorable.”

He started to observe your clean face, taking in every freckle and scar. Every little splotch of red and the light bags under your eyes. He was seeing a side of you he’s never seen before, and another side he fell in love with after only seeing it for a second.

“Oh stop.”, you rolled your eyes. “I wear makeup so you wouldn’t have to see my flaws, not so you can stare at them.” she joked, but Bucky could tell this was something she struggled with.

“C’mon doll you think a few scratches are gonna scare me away? You think I like my scars? Nothin’ to be ashamed of.” he said, patting your leg and sitting up to be at eye level with you, even though he still had to look down, him being taller and all.

You looked so natural and pure. Glowing, even although that could’ve just been the lotion you’d applied earlier. You felt your cheeks burn for a different reason too. He said you were beautiful in what you thought was one of your worst states.

“I don’t think you should wear makeup anymore.”, Bucky stated, confidently. You snorted at that.

“Of course I have to wear makeup Buck, I have to look presentable. I can’t let people see me like this.”, you sighed.

“Well at least don’t wear it so much around me. It’d be a shame if I didn’t see this at least once in a while.” he yawned, laying down, this time his head on a pillow.

This wasn’t unnatural, you had movie nights and hung out in your room in the past. He knew he was getting brave though, falling asleep on your bed, when you hadn’t even invited him in the first place. But he couldn’t help it. He actually felt relaxed.

“Alrighty then, Soldier. I’ll try not to. But just for you.”, you said, nodding. You lied next to him and faced him. You started to feel brave too.

“Y’know...”, you started. “I had a bad dream. That’s why I had my music on. I was hoping it would help me sleep. But I guess with you here, maybe I’ll sleep even better.”

Bucky just smiled. You pulled your thick blanket up to cover the both of you and got comfortable, almost laying on him with how close the two of you were. He draped an arm on your side and continued observing your face. He was still fascinated by it.

And just moments later, you fell asleep. Bucky did too, a few minutes later, with the voice of Tony Bennett playing softly across the room, the song feeling perfect in this moment.

'Cause love came just in time

You found me just in time

Then you changed my lonely life

That lovely day

a/n: thank you for reading!!! :) don’t be afraid to leave a request and tell me what you thought. <3

[vapidsims]

Yes this is what those backstory setup posts were about

This is for @simmanatti s Bachelor challenge!

Its been a hot minute since Ive submitted for a BC so im rusty probably xD

Anywhom meet-

Sylus (no last name)

Maybe he can have yours?

Age: around 140-ish

Gender: Transmasc. accepts both they and him pronouns.

Species: Masked ( you know when I saw the words alchemy and demons in one post *rubs hands together* I was in)

interests: potions, how many different ones can you make? flying a broom but they suck at it, curious about other beings and will ask questions when given opportunity (politely). Wants to form positive connections with others.

fears: you ever hear about that whale whos alone because the other whales dont understand its song? yeah that.

Backstory and more (below the cut)

Backstory: earlier posts on sylus in this tag

Sylus is one of the “forgotten masked” meaning they were made by someone who wasn't Mother Red. A thing that happens rarely these days but once in a blue moon some poor sucker demon who still thinks the masked are dolls makes one. Sylus found themselves in a erm....Tough environment as a result, living for servitude and mistreatment until they’d decided to......escape. and find “home”

But upon escaping the under-realm and arriving to the land of the masked...Sylus didn't feel the natural “click” he’d heard tales about...After speaking to the lazy king, it was subtly implied to them that maybe this isn't where they need to be after all.

They've wound up in the realm of magic after some long travels. And because of its mystic nature it has to be the place that hes decided to stay the longest so far! Masked are still rarely seen outside of the under-realm and their topside territory, so Sylus has been cautious about being low-key...wouldn't want to leave a bad impression for all maskedkind. especially since hes not the standard

The backstory Sylus may tell you might be honest minus the details. He will imply his makers were abusive, he wont say it. They’ll say escaping hell was hard. wont tell you what that entailed.

depending on how much or little you know about Masks history already.They might honestly express the thought of forgotten masks not being forgotten after all, in their own opinion.

because being forgotten means you needed to be thought of at all

Demonic abilities:

these probably dont really matter in a world where most have obtained magic, so nothing is surprising. XD

But Sylus has some innate abilities resembling a poltergeist.

1. can lower the temp of a room when they walk in. (good way to tell if theyre in a bad mood)

2. can consciously hijack an electrical signal. tv, computer, radio.

3. can toss objects off a wall without touching them. (they wont do this tho, its rude)

Assorted details:

Has more of a sense of self than when they started, but still learning to confidently stand their ground. Habitually apologizes at the slightest sign of upsetting someone, even if they weren't in the wrong.

Dislikes seeing others in pain, knowing those kinds of feelings too well. Will try to comfort even strangers.

Will not discuss the specifics of escaping from both literal and metaphorical hell.

They aren't sure why they're so fascinated with potions and how to disperse them, it just seems fulfilling. what about a potion that turns into a little cloud and rains a good mood on you? isnt that nice?

Toying with the idea of one day opening a little potion shop for improving moods for making people happier, nicer, calmer.

They've got two left feet. cant dance for shit...Sorry Eredin XD

Can absolutely book it though, can run like their life depends on it. you’ll swear they just went *poof*

Hes a fast learner, this used to be out of survival necessity but now its just excitement over new things!

Generally honest demon but is very good at lying on the spot if it feels needed, will even sprinkle in a little truth so it sounds passable to themselves.

Sylus is not a very loud speaker, but hes got strong thoughts.

on that note masks voices weirdly project so Sylus being so soft spoken means they sound vaguely ghostly.

Most Masks have a scent of clay, Sylus smells like rain air. hes also not as physically durable as most masked are said to be.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

i want to ask for help. but i cant tell when would be a good time. because u've said before that therapy doesnt work unless YOU want it to, and i dont know WHEN i will want to. i just know that ive been feeling like this for as long as i can remember and that if i dont do SOMETHING about it, i might not even live.

i feel like im scared to ask for help because what if? what if i actually do better? i cant imagine living without thinking about dying every second. there is a scary sense of comfort in it, but its familiar and its me but its ME and i dont want it like that.

i,,, i dont know why this is going to you, but i do know i admire your opinions and i guess i just want to know. when. when does it get better.

When... hmm, as Yoongi has said before, these kinds of feelings are like seasons. I don't personally think they ever "go away" - you have good times and bad times, sometimes with reason, sometimes for no reason at all. At least, that's how it is with me. Going to put the rest under a break.

"Get better" is a vague term. You can argue you're already "getting better" because you recognize something needs to change, but that doesn't really feel statisfying because you're still in the same mental state, right? Then, is "getting better" a generalized state of more happiness? Could be. But, if you've always been in the darkness, well, shit, how are you supposed to know the light is the light? You've never seen it before. Then, does "getting better" mean... being like everyone else around me that seems like they're "good"?

That's the greatest lie of all.

I've said therapy doesn't work unless you want it to, not because you need to feel a certain measure of desire to change, but because you can't walk in there thinking the therapist is going to change you. If you have the means to try, you should to to therapy and just try it, because knowing you need to do something indicates that you already want to change. Reaching out to someone, stranger or not, already indicates you don't want to be like this forever. It might work, it might not. Therapy really depends on the therapist and finding a good fit is very difficult.

I'm going to tell you a bit about my journey. I have no idea if it will help you, but maybe you're interested.

I grew up not knowing love. My parents had an arranged marriage and, in their case, they did not love each other. Probably still don't. They're still married. I guess they tolerate each other, I don't know. In any case, it was very dysfunctional. I didn't know anything about maintaining healthy relationships, showing affection, or the value of people. I was seen as a means to an end, not really as their child. It was mostly my mom, but my dad was neglectful and wasn't really part of my life even though he was there the entire time. Because of this, I didn't value myself. I became very depressed and, if you've read my work, there's hints of what I've done to myself. I thought about dying. A lot. All the time. Planned it, dreamed it, wished for it.

Then, I moved out and entered the next phase of my life. Made a shit ton of mistakes. Destroyed friendships, had a ton of questionable relationships, chased love that was never there, fell apart. I was an "adult" but I was still the same - still wanted off this fucking Earth. But there was a difference. This time, I finally realized something.

These had be been my desicions.

My choices put me in that position. Nobody made me do anything. I was being self-destructive because I wanted to. And just like how I put myself there, I could take myself out.

So I did.

Not easily, mind you, but I did. I switched my surroundings again, put myself among people who had my best interests in mind, found my close friends, had a great time. Did shit everyone else did, went on cute dates, hung out with friends, traveled a lot, took pictures of delicious food, had an Instagram life.

Hated it.

I wasn't myself. I had pushed down my past and pretended like that shit wasn't real. I had a good life, so I'm good, right? I'm cured! I have what everyone else wants - I do what I want, have a good job and loving people around me. Yeah, no. I was "better", but I wasn't better. Far from it. I used to draw, write, create. In this phase I did none of that. I felt empty. But I was happy! Shit, what else can I do?

And then I discovered BTS.

Music does a lot of things. In my life, they defined the phases of my life. Rock and metal saved me from ending it when I was stuck in the darkness. In the time of empty happiness, I listened to music, but nothing stuck. I did, however, broaden my horizons and listen to everything, finally learning that all music has its merits and that I could find something I liked in nearly every genre.

However, I wasn't committing to anything, and that was because I couldn't commit to myself.

At first when I listened to BTS, I thought they were really cool. I went from era to era, mostly listening to title songs. Then I was bored and listened to their other stuff. I was curious about the lyrics I liked. They were usually rapped by this one guy, and I learned to recognize his voice and wait for his parts, because they always ended up being my favorite.

Yeah, just guess who it is. :)

I thought, well shit, I have no idea what he's saying. I should look it up. Went to look up the lyric translations of their songs, finding SUGA's parts and yet another epiphany.

Why am I pretending?

I'm reading these lyrics and I'm like, shit. This is it. This is me. These are all thoughts I've thought and they're here. They're real. Someone else thought them in the same way I have. And I am, indeed, still feeling these things, but pretending I'm not. Pretending it's impossible to acknowledge the person I am, that teenager wondering why I have to live when I could just fucking not, and who I've become, an adult with no sense of self but happy, and how they somehow can't coexist even though they already do. They're all me.

It wasn't very fun facing those feelings again, but I did it because I needed it. I needed to work through them and stop pretending so I could be myself. And now I am, because I can see it. You can see it. I create, not for anyone, but because this is me.

Maybe a little hypersexual. Kind of insane. Borderline cocky (but I am hot though, I'm just saying). I write, I draw, I create, I have fun, I cry, fuck, I do it all (swallow dick real fucking well too!). I do everything I want to and live how I want to.

This is just one way, one life among billions. You might not go though this (technically, you're already on the BTS phase, you know) and most likely your journey will be different. Because "getting better" is a personal thing. It is what you want in life, who you want to be, and I didn't know who I wanted to be until I lived though all kinds of shit, learning about other people's lives, and found someone who let me know, hey, you can brush past or you can soak into a heart. Change will always happen. You can live however you like. In some ways, you grow up and become an adult. In some ways, you stay the same, always young, always learning, always growing up. Sometimes people give up their young self because they think they have to. And maybe they do. You don't really have to though. You only have to be open to the idea there is also comfort in other things, that the you that you've known all your life is not the only you that will be.

To live a full life is to have many things, not physically, but mentally - memories, thoughts, past, present, whatever you want to hold on to, hold on to. No one can take them away from you. You will become more than just that. Every day, you will wake up to a new self that encompasses all your other selves before that. If you're impatient and want it now, run. Read up on things, surround yourself with all kinds of people, try activities you've always wanted to try, experience shit and find out what you like, what you hate, what you can modify to suit you better.

Find out what it means for you to get better and you'll discover, hey.

You're already there.

[angeloncewas]

yeah i totally agree with what you said about satire and schlatt basically taking the easy way out. it seems like since that video he's kinda eased back from doing that shit, either bc the backlash or bc his friends have started verbally calling him out on it, both to his face and through making comments about him on stream (comments as in like saying they dont agree with what he did and saying they thought that video was terrible, not like them shading him or whatever ajsksk) which is good but also i wouldnt be surprised if something like that video happened again just bc like. it is his career and at this point he has to know what his larger fanbase is like to an extent, which means he also knows those terrible fucking jokes will make him money. i dont like that, but im also not gonna sit around and pretend like i cant see the fucking obvious, ya know? from what ive seen of him when he's not putting on a show for his main channel, or when he isnt around people who both encourage and enable his bad behavior (not saying this to shift blame, ive just noticed how he goes from making actually funny jokes that are harmless or, at most, a pretty obvious example of him poking fun at shitty people, at least imo, to like. straight up just being offensive when he's with people like swagger, miz, etc. vs ted, charlie and so on), he seems like a pretty good guy and its pretty clear to me that he doesnt hold the same views as the character he plays up for his main channel but that doesnt change the fact that his audience is now full of the worst kinds of people and that is how he makes money.

as someone who, again, watched idubbbz, as well as filthyfrank, they both stated they were playing characters and they didnt agree with the shit they were joking about, joji especially, but them saying that isnt very well known by even their own fanbase who just watches their main channel stuff, bc the one video where joji made that explicitly clear what he was doing, he later deleted for people harassing him in the comments (it was an old ass video where he basically said that playing those characters was giving him literal health problems, specifically stress induced seizures, and his comments were so bad that he never made an ooc video on his main channel again) and the one video i can think of where ian explicitly said he was playing a character was like an hour long podcast with h3, which most people dont even wanna watch bc it is a painfully uncomfortable one hour, considering the fact that they are supposed to be friends. besides that, the only other time they were really out of character was in vlogs with maxmoefoe, and they still did their offensive bits from time to time bc it was still going up on youtube, even if it wasnt their main channel. compare that to schlatt who has, as far as i know, never explicitly said he's playing a character, and the closest he has gotten to saying that was in some weekly slap video that i cant remember the title of bc all those videos kinda blend together if im being honest. like they definitely show a different, better side of him, but they are also all really short videos with only gameplay to watch and he never even promotes the channel, so its not like the shitty people watching him are like "hm time to take some time out of my day to go watch big man schlatt give people advice and be a genuine person for once", right?

idk. schlatt is just such a weird person for me bc like. he is a big comfort for me, i really do enjoy his content when he's not making bad stabs at satire (bc sometimes he does it right!! but a lot of the time, at least recently, he has just missed the mark entirely, to the point where it feels like he wasnt even trying to hit the mark at all), but he is also so uncomfortable to watch sometimes just bc he seems to either not know where the line is, or thinks crossing it is okay bc its him playing a character and that's not fun to watch as a minority who often ends up being apart of that "punchline".

that aside tho...yes, unfortunately idubbbz does still make content (and i say unfortunately bc it is not very good) though it seems like he is very slow to upload and last i checked, the views arent too great, but ive seen worse. probably the only thing that could bring back his views at this point would be a content cop, but like a year or so back he said he has no plans of continuing the series bc he finds it boring now, which is fair enough. i dont really keep up with him anymore, but as far as i know, he just got married to anisa and he streams on twitch sometimes, besides that the dude is a mystery to me!

—🦷 (also im sorry if this is formatted weird, for whatever reason tumblr has indented each of my paragraphs with one of those grey line thingys and it wont let me remove it. if it doesnt show up in the actual ask then ignore this!)

This is kind of old now (sorry), but I still wanted to respond because I really appreciate your perspective :)

> I always wonder how people not involved in the fandom view Schlatt. Because wasn't there this thing about Hasan genuinely thinking that he was conservative? And like he obviously doesn't now, but does that not impact how he sees him and his content? I don't mean to dictate friendships - of course - I'm just curious as to the impact of having that audience from an outsider pov. I remember being shocked what that thing happened with the pdp fan, but I later found that many people weren't because they knew the nature of the audience he cultivated; maybe I'm just stupid, I had no idea. (Not that Schlatt and pdp are the same, it's just a loose comparison.)

> No one should face harassment, but I doubt Joji deleting that video helped his case. (I mean ig it worked out in the long term considering everything that happened with his music, but yk.) I'm very sorry for the health problems he faced with the characters themselves though. I don't know much about him but that sounds awful.

> I have thoughts on The Weekly Slap, but I think they make me sound bitter and don't add much so just know that they're there ajfdkjdf. I will say that he doesn't seem like "Jschlatt" in them, and moreso just a guy. I know that he quit it for a number of reasons and one of them was not being comfortable with that kind of connection in relation to his increasing fame, but honestly I think his complete dislodgement from his fanbase isn't healthy either.

> I mean, I get it. I've watched a lot of content from a lot of people - ranging from kind of unpleasant to very unsavory - and it's kind of a weird feeling with YouTube and Twitch stuff. Idk it's like - when I go to the grocery store, I'm not wondering if the guy checking my things out is a racist. When I see a commercial, I don't wonder if that guy advertising chicken nuggets is a secret creep. But with content creation of this kind, it's just a weird thought in the back of my mind. I don't know if this makes sense lmao

> Weird that Idubbz finds content cop "boring." I guess the formula is kind of stale and half of the content was the edge, but it seems like the kind of thing that'd be perfect to capitalize off of around now. Cool that he got married... I think. I mean if he's happy ???

> Don't mind the formatting, and sorry to respond like WAY past when this conversation was relevant T_T. I read it right away but the timing got off with actually being able to type stuff out.

[24-guy]

I spent 2 hours on writing notes from the prison podcast stream.

Now I don’t know what to do with them, so I’m putting them here. 

No need to read them, there is just some interesting stuff I noticed, things like tones and how many times somethings are brought up. 

if you do, though, I apologize  for spelling errors. 

start stream

techno "did the calculations" on how long it would take to mine obsidian with the amount of mining fatigue they had. we knoe this is true.

dream has been writing, it is the only thing hes been able to do with the limited items he has. its his "diary"

techno teases over fanfics on wattpad

"the only thing ive written is my diary" do the revive books not count, then? or what is in the revive books that isnt writing?

techno focuses on that nobody is watching - dream doesnt comment on it - dream doesnt know about the voices?

techno is supposed to break dream out, but he hasnt got many ideas "ill get to it later"

techno enjoys prison - sees it as a vacation

techno has an optimistic outlook.

go with the flow

dream sees harming himself as exhillerating techno disaprooves

dream tells techno quackity has been torturing him everyday. techno is only surprised by the every day part

dream mentions the revive book techno remembers being told about that asks "yeah you can bring people back from the dead. yeah so how do you do that" - curious tone, seems genuinely interested for innocent meanings dream responds " i have.. the knowledge and then i get a book and then i burn it" - hesitant at first, then vague but seemingly honest reponse

techno asks what the knowledge is, incantation/password/expelliarmus dream says "something like that" slowly, then quickly says he doesnt know and that he "doesnt know how schlatt had it" - going away from the topic original book - there are more than one it is a book is what youre saying - t well... i mean, it was a book that i memorised and that now i can recreate - d techno tries again to get the knowledge he wants to revive people dream doesnt want to tell techno because he wouldnt be the only one who knew techno tries to bargain saying that if dream died, techno coulld bring him bacl dream knows they wont kill him because he can revive people

dream says no, techno says "you forgot how to write it down didnt you dream says he didnt, that he did it recently, techno repeats again that dream forgot brings up wattpad again. dream says he wrote it down for tommy. he doesnt mention wilbur to techno. bring up the homeless situaation prison is dreams house cell is boiling apparently makes a joke about cali rent prices

nobody visited the cell "we stopped anarcy" "when we get out of here" no though ahead going into this situation (techno) "just as far as i need to" dream doesnt know what techno means by stream schedule, techno jokes about dream's lack of schedual techno usually trains always looking for new combat, reasearching constant arms race no idea when a government will arise or opressing people is always prepared has a good amount of gear he also plays golf somewhere offers a game with dream no way to describe it somewhere farther than his house

dream asks about tommy techno hasnt seen him canonically, only knows he stole acouple months ago - as far as he tells dream

dream asks about carl carl is doing well

dream asks about the family its doing good, apparently, new foxes, got steve who will break him out dream writes about steve "i will write evrrything down because its hard to remember" another fanfic joke

dream asks whos feeding them they feed themselves its probably fine

milld break for 4 wall break

gist or jist

prison podcast offers, agrees that is all this is

technical difficulties

podcast bros

eating potato

dream offers his thoughts on what would happen of he tried to revive somebody who is alive two technoblades human meat sheild

dream wants to try no death first what could go wrong nothing else to do

techno house is man vs nature conflict floor has ants floof brings ants spilled pet food dream has a revivebook techno tries to read it first hit with book a small wait throw into lava DreamXD joins broke the table fixed table a god dream "cloned himsef" god looks exactly like dream feels like a question to ask earlier dream summoned dreamxd ask for wish ask for bell dream gets mad because no escape dreamxd leaves sellout timer goes off techno makes money as dream questions his life dream sits in corner hole techno aims to be annoying we count channel members for a bit

dream and techno friend bonding time?

summons dreamxd for reviving nobody dream writes this in his diary as techno rings bell tries again, it doesnt work creative mode is a known thing by mortals they know how deadly it is

warden on vacation

techno hasnt written anything he has at least 4 books in his inventory, going from the top 2nd space to the top 5th space. the fourth book is called information and is signed by dream. dream throws a potato in the lava techno asks for the revive book again, this time to see of dreamxd will come back because it is a different person summoning him dream says no

techno needs a bell to sell out for the *brand*, ritual and tradition dream put the bell in church prime no twitch primes for dream - hes a heratic (no contract) dream makes no profit dream has lots of raw potatos for 5-6 months

techno asks if dream has any friends dream says not really, they turned against him techno knows the feeling being betrayed by closest friend happens every tuesday for techno

dream mentions being visited by a few people techno asks if any tried not to torture or kill him dream says yeah like he wasnt expecting the question/(as techno put it) "he hesitated"

sapnap - didnt torture or kill him - but he said if dream got out of there, then he would - techno says hes gotta raise his standards

bad - was the best - treated dream the best - techno says hes a cult leader - dream is surprised so techno tells him about the egg - techno wasnt clear - bad hasnt viseted since 4-5 months ago - techno says even he has friends - egg was attacked - big crossover episode not clear what is going on

techno - last time they saw each other was dooms day - been a while - lot has happened - techno doesnt now whats going on currently on the server - he knows nothing - "people" tell him who died and who came back

tubbo - asks about tubbo - tubbo is chillng - snowchester named - commune - a little sus - dictator - no rushing to conclusions - tubbo has nukes - big crater - a hoby - could be meteor

ranboo - asks about ranboo - ranboo is also chilling - brings up tubo's nukes now

dream points out that techno said he didnt know anyting and then said about a new place, nukes, and a lot more dream doesnt know anything - less than techno

ranboo (again) - dream says he used to visit a while ago and then stopped coming - techno asks "ranboo used to visit?" - ranboo visited "a bit" - probably visited the most - sapnap visited - tommy visited a couple of times - bad visited - and quackity - quackity visited the most, only because hes visited daily

more potatos pog potatos

ranboo (x3) - techno asks how dream knows ranboo - "um... its just a.. long story" - techno replies sarcastically about how they dont have any time to go through it, theyre so busy with the bell - dream "i dont know him very well. he just visited a few times and that was it." - techno just repeats alright, its either bored or thinking - dream "and then i havent seen him since then so thats why i was wondering where hes been, if hes been around" - techno " ah... im not sure. i havent been around fpr like the past couple of months, honestly."

techno went on  atraining montage, played golf

dream asks about the plan to get out mining fatigue 3 doesnt mean they cant break blocks, its just approximately 370 times longer breaking obsidian takes a bit over 4 minutes math = obsidian block gone in 25.7 hours. an alarm break in the right spot break block in toilet elder guardian below the cell techno can take him if techno somehow dies dream brings him back could be out in 2 weeks havent been visited for 2 weeks nothing to lose dream has to break obsidian techno wants to end stream techno came up with idea so dream has to do it dream starts bell ringing for cheerng him on techno sounds happy that dream is doing it voices are mentioned - theyre laughing techno has perfect track of time techno is gonna annoy dream the entire time techno is a lookout there are only 4 books we only see the 4th name floof interrupts momentarily tommy killed a cat because dream liked it 300 dogs in the cell joke

channel member bell dream regrets his life again techo's plan? bell was a better investment dream has 10 bells in e chest techno doesnt techno wanted to go for more so techno could ring bell again

end of stream

[sanstropfremir]

please let me join the dance conversation since it's the form of art i am actually the most interested in. i've been dancing as a kid for 6 years, and i don't mean to say that that gave me any type of authority in the domain, but it did leave me with the slight ability to recognize a good performance (or whatever makes a good performance to me, personally) and a great appreciation for valueing dancing as acting, like you said. too often i've seen dance ranking videos from actual life-long dancers who value technical skill above anything else. even if they take into consideration the facial expressions, it doesn't hold much weight and that always lowkey pissed me off. because when i am watching a performance, i care way more about the emotional delivery rather than the technical one. of course, this is not to disregard skill, because emotion without skill just ends up messy. good enough to appreciate as a form of authentic self-expression, but still messy, and mess won't make you a good dancer.

i've really enjoyed seeing you say dancing and acting have a mutual component since i've always felt that way too but never knew how to put it in words. two groups that come in mind when thinking about this are blackpink and itzy, i have no idea how familiar you are with them so i'm sorry if the following come across as foreign to you. but i gotta say, regarding bp, i think there's always been discourse over lisa vs rose as the best dancer. technically, everybody knows lisa is miles ahead, and i have to say she has decent stage presence and some pretty nice facial expressions too (taking into consideration how limited bp's concepts have been so far). rose, on the other hand, has a certain style that appeals to a specific audience (which i am not a part of, her lack of body control is so irritating sometimes) but i can see why some would find her charming. i would say her stage presence is decent too, but i can't help but choose lisa over her, and not just because i'm biased. but because in order to be a true dancer, you need the right balance between technique and emotion that gives your performance that star-value and appeal. and let's be real, kpop is really lacking in that "true dancer" department.

another dancing discourse that goes on is in the itzy fandom, where fans are pitting yeji and chaeryeong against each other. their techniques are quite different but they are each very good in their respective style. now, i've seen people call yeji the better "idol dancer" since she has better developed facial expressions, and chaeryeong the better "overall dancer" since people value her technique more. and i'm just like, no. emotion makes or breaks a dancer. everyone can learn technique, but emotion is hard to fake, and when you do, the non-authenticity is very much obvious.

that's why i love san as a dancer. he might not be the most technically skilled, but he is skilled enough to hold his own. and his way of living in the performance, of just letting every feel of the song wash over him and show the audience 110% and more - nothing compares to that, no amount of technicality. stage presence is something you just have, and no matter how much you train for it, you will pale in comparison to a natural.

wow, this is really long so thank you if you take the time to read it all and respond. english is not my first language and sometimes i'm having trouble finding the right words to get my point across exactly how i think of it in my mind, so i hope the message is delivered accurately, haha :D also, i must add i love the way you talk, your speech has a flow and a uniqueness to it you don't find everyday. and we love a developed vocabulary<3 may i ask how old you are?

thank you for the compliment, thats very sweet of you! english is my native language and i have spent just as much time, if not longer doing academics as i have doing performance work so at this point ive developed a very specific style. there’s a joke that theatre design is 90% communication and only 10% design, and it’s not wrong. it helps that i like to talk and my brain works very fast sometimes.

im glad you took the time to write this out! and don't apologize for your english, it's excellent and very clear. you are correct i know very little about blackpink and itzy but i would likely agree with you, dance is equal parts emotion and technique and that is my preference in idols as well. but i don’t think that the kpop industry needs to have ‘true’ dancers, though. yes it is fun to watch those who are technically and charismatically gifted in dance, it is only a portion of the experience that they market. also i think we lose a bit of objectivity in kpop because all idols are required to dance, but i dont think ive seen one recently that's a legitimately bad dancer. even the ‘worst’ dancers that i can think of are still leagues better than the average person on the street, but we see them as ‘bad’ because they work directly alongside peers who are legitimately gifted and have a passion for dance as a form. 

it's interesting to hear you say that everyone can learn technique but emotion is hard to fake, because i hear a lot of dancers say that. i think this comes from a misunderstanding of what exactly acting is and how it works. i would argue that a statement closer to the sentiment that you (and many others) are trying to get is ‘not everyone can do both at the same time.’ the average person is no more predisposed to acting then they are to dance, because acting is a skill that can be taught and exercised in the same way dance can. sure, there are people that have a higher latent ability, but if you put in the work, you can learn. why do you think there are acting classes and schools and conservatories? you can get a doctorate in acting if you really want to. the thing about acting is that in order to be good at it, you have to both understand and be able to implement the correct postures for mimicking human emotion. this is an insanely complex task when you get down to the brass tacks of it. just think about your face and body posture for a moment. why are you sitting/standing in that particular way? why is your face in that particular expression? what do you think your posture is saying to someone who is observing you? how would you change it if you wanted the person to start a conversation with you? if you wanted them to leave you alone? 

there’s also a general assumption that acting comes from a place of genuine or authentic emotion, and this is the fault of modern ‘method’ film acting. i have a very long thesis about how much i hate method acting and i can make a separate post about that if people are curious. but suffice to say, acting very rarely comes from a ‘genuine’ place. it may be informed from a genuine place, but by nature it is not real. thats what makes it acting. and i think dancers seem to be under the impression that showing emotion while dancing has to come from the dancer personally feeling those emotions, when thats not the case at all. this criminal fancam is a perfect example of exactly how good taemin is at putting on a character for a performance. you can very clearly see him drop character after the main camera cuts, and pretty much any concert footage shows this as well.

now, being able to do both a complex system of physical movements with your body and also control the minute details and timing in your facial muscles and posture? thats pretty fuckin hard. not a lot of people can do that, it takes just as much practice as learning technique does, just not in the way that people might think. but it is possible.

[vlogsquadssquad]

Secure 2

summary: Charlie confesses his feelings and reader has to decide if that's what she wants, or if another guy has her *attention*

a/n: i’m honestly BLOWN away at part 1′s feedback. y'all really loved it so Ive been working on this all day, I hope its everything youve been waiting for! thank you to my new followers, ive been writing for a bit for fun and no one was reading my stories but after the reaction for the last story I was so motivated to write. I have A LOT more ideas and even an idea for a part 3 with smut and maybe even reader having to tell the��boy she didn't choose the bad news, who knooowwsss. send me in suggestions! 

warnings: language, alluding to smut at the end.

mood board:

-- YOUR POV

my life has been the most fun lately. ive been hanging out with David and he really gets me to let loose. he's always trying to top his last video which is so fun to be a part of. even if we wait around the house all day. tonight im alone though. I told him I needed to get some writing down for the last song of my album. I want it to be about being happy with yourself and secure with who you are. that you don't need another person to define who you are. but im having trouble putting that into words that rhyme. maybe I should just see what David is up to.

- daveyy (:

hey, I know I said I was busy but my mind is too cluttered and im curious what the vlog squad is up to 😉 >

< hahaa nothing actually. im by myself at the house tonight. really boring. watching movies ive seen dozens of times.

oh no! your friends realize they were too cool for you? >

< probably lmao. what are you up to?

trying to finish this last song but I can't think straight >

hey would you wanna come over? its ok if you're too busy being alone watching 50 first dates lol >

< how'd you know? 😅 id love to. chipotle?

- end texts -

“hey, loser” I say as he walks in with our food and... is that ice cream? “wait, did you get ice cream?” 

“yeah, I got your favorite flavor!” he says with a smile. my heart aches at the kind gesture. “wow your house is so nice” he sets the food on my counter as he glances around. 

“thank you, im really into interior design... and nice houses” i joke as i examine the ice cream David got for me. he chuckles as he gets my food out of the bag and sets it up in my living room. I put on a movie to watch but we end up muting it and just talking instead. our conversations just seem to flow. “what's a memory that stands out to you from your childhood?” I ask him. “there's so many things,” he puts his arm around the back of my couch as we sit sideways to face each other. we finished eating forever ago. “probably just all of high school. I learned so much, from my friends and my teachers. nothing academically, obviously.” he laughs. I smile to him and run my fingers through my hair. he watches my movements and for a moment its quiet.

“I think you're really smart.” I say finally. “I love how you push me, you're always there for me, and you just come up with the best ideas. you're so creative.” 

“wow. what did I do to deserve your kindness?” he asks with a slight laugh.

“I can think of a few things.” our conversation became much lighter after that. after a while we went into my home studio and he helped me write. the night was filled with jokes and endless laughing but also had serious moments too. I shared very personal details about my life. but the best thing of all was that there was no camera in sight. it was just friends being friends. no clickbait. no underlying purpose for the long stay. it was perfect.

-- next day

“hey y/n could I come over and talk?” Charlie asked over the phone.

“sure, I don't have anything planned till tonight.”

“ok be there in 20.”

“what's the sudden emergency?” I ask as he walks in the door.

“there's just something I've been wanting to confess for a really long time and i’m not sure-”

“its ok Charlie, what is it?”

“I think I'm in love with you.”

my heart dropped. Im frozen in time. I don't need a relationship right now and I sure as hell can't lose my friendship with Charlie.

“I don't know what to say...”

“say you love me too!” he moves closer to me “I know you do! you always want to be around me, have me close to you, we talk all night. I know you feel it.”

I look at him with a blank expression.

“I honestly don't. I've never thought of you that way, and I'm really enjoying being single. for once in my life I'm not letting the pressure of having someone on my arm get to me, I don't need this right now, I-”

“what..? y/n. don't do this.”

“I'm not doing anything it's just the truth.” I look to the ground as his eyes fill with tears. “I think you should go.” I say.

-- DAVIDS POV, that night

- y/n/n 😋

you're still coming to my party tonight right? >

< I wouldn't miss it! so proud of you! ❤️

tonight was my party to celebrate my new show. I haven't told the fans yet but this vlog will be my announcement. we start filming for it on Monday and I've never been more excited. its exactly what I've been dreaming of all my life.

the party started to kick off and all my friends slowly started showing up. Charlie was going to perform his unreleased song tonight and everyone was already talking about it. 

“hey have you heard anything from y/n and Charlie? are they dating?” Ilya comes up and whispers to me.

“no man, I haven't heard anything. I was with y/n all night last night and I wasn't exactly begging her to give me details but we did talk for hours about random stuff and she never brought him up or texted anyone. I don't know they might not be.” I say with hope shining through the cracks of my voice.

“I can just ask Charlie?” Ilya offers. he's such a good friend when it matters.

I nod and then head to get something to drink. y/n still wasn't here and I was getting antsy.

just then I hear Natalie let someone in. I peak around the corner and see y/n. she looks drop dead gorgeous. i’ve never seen her dressed up like that. I think she saw right through me and asked if she had something on her face. 

“no, no, I just have never seen you dressed like that. you look great.” I look to the floor. no way she and Charlie aren't an item. they both love music and they're both flawless people. they're a match made in heaven. 

“well, thank you, cowboy.” she says in a funny southern accent. she was so weird. she came in for a hug and she smelled exactly like when I first met her. I put my hand on the small of her back and for a split second I felt her push more into me. 

“so where can I get a drink?” she asked as we pulled apart.

“a drink?” I ask

“yes, i’ve had a bizarre day and I need a drink.”

Im about to ask her what she means when I hear Charlie from behind me 

“hey, babe, you're late.” he says to y/n as he pulls her into a hug. she almost looks uncomfortable. “hey Charles, how are you?” 

“i’m great, i’ve had several drinks and im thinking much clearly-er now”

“I can smell that” she chuckles

I hand her her favorite drink and ask her if she finished the song. after a short conversation Charlie pulls her to the couch where some other friends are doing karaoke. she's basically sitting on his lap and laughing. I grab my camera and record a little outside trying to not think about it.

-- YOUR POV

I honestly think drunk Charlie has forgotten about our conversation from earlier. which i’m relieved because sometimes I just need good ol Charlie and not this new one that was in love with me. sure he's a little touchy but we were always close like that. 

“alright I promised David I would perform an unreleased song tonight. come on I want you to hear it.” he grabs my hand pulls me up. I have a gut feeling I don't want to be here for it.

David set up the mic outside and everyone found a seat. David sat next to me with camera in hand. 

“alright alright” Charlie starts. “hopefully I don't forget the lyrics since i’m a little buzzed.” the audience laughed. “but this song means a lot to me, and I wrote it with someone in mind. someone who has changed my life for the better and made me a better man.”

oh god, please don't say my name 

“y/n. you are everything to me. I wouldn't be able to be who I am today without you.”

everyone looks to me as the music starts. a love song. i place my head in my hands and David nudges me. “you ok?” he whispers.

“can you please get me out of here?” he nods his head and stands up. Charlie is looking down at his guitar lost in his music. I feel bad leaving but how could he not take no as an answer? I follow David out the door and my head is down in shame. he closes the patio door and turns to me. “what is going on? I thought you guys were dating?” 

“oh god, not you too.” I groan. “just please I need to be anywhere but here right now. fast.”

“okay. let’s go.”

we go to his garage and he looks at me. 

“you said fast!” he shrugs as he opens the passenger Ferrari door for me. I laugh with my head thrown back “true. but im going to need a jacket or blanket.”

“here, use mine.” he took off his hoodie and handed it to me. I hopped in the car and we were off.

“anywhere in mind?” he asks as we pull out of the neighborhood.

“nope,” I smile. “im kinda hungry though”

“alright,” he turns the car at the light. “then we’re gonna make this worth our while. I know an overly expensive place with great burgers.” 

I laugh at him as my hair blows in the wind “yes! lets spend all your money!” I lift my arms and scream. David just laughs at me. we speed down the highways. ive never felt so free. 

we finally arrive to the place and get seated.

“so do you wanna tell me why we left my party now?”

“i’m sorry by the way. I didn't mean to drag you from your party but...” I look down and pick at my napkin “Charlie confessed his feelings for me this afternoon.” David looked at me confused. 

“isn't that a good thing?” he asked.

“not if I don't feel the same way.” I sigh and David looks surprised. “I was very clear about my feelings- or lack of. but he had been hitting on me all night and then the song. I know he was drunk but im really worried for my friendship with him.” 

“I can't believe my ears.” he said almost laughing. “you, y/f/n, don't like the guy who seems like he was sent down from the heavens for you?” 

“nope. he just isn't my type I guess, I don't know. I never really thought of him that way and I don't want to.”

“wow, no one will be up to your standards will they?” David laughs as he takes a drink.

“the right guy will be.”

perfect timing. the waitress comes over with our food. we thank her and get eating. he was right. best. burgers. ever! 

I moan as I take another bite.

David looks me up and down with his cheeks full of burger and chuckles. “okay, y/n, calm down. it isn't no Charlie puth.”

I gasp and throw a fry at him playfully, laughing. “no... no it is not!” we both laugh harder. as we finish up David pays despite my best efforts and we head to my house so he can drop me off. the car ride was fun, we listened to all the hits and sang our hearts out. we got tons of funny looks, but nothing mattered. I grabbed his vlog camera he threw to the side and recorded him singing and then popped myself into frame and had the camera aimed at both of us. our hair was crazy and the night was wearing down on us but it didn't matter. we were just happy to be alive. 

as we pulled into my driveway and David put the car in park, I looked to him. “you wanna walk me to my door?” 

“already on it.”

he came around and opened the car door for me and walked me up to my door. 

“thank you for tonight. it was like out of a movie. I really needed it.” I was talking softly now since it was the dead of the night and the only thing heard was the crickets. 

“anytime, y/n.” David also said softly. he kept looking to my lips which made my heart beat faster every time. I know I said I didn't need a guy, but he just looks too good. 

“and congrats on your show, I'm really proud of you.” I step closer. 

“thank you, congrats on staying single another night.” he joked but had his hands gently placed on my forearm. 

“its still early.” I whisper closer to his face now. I can feel his breath and he can feel mine. my heart is going a million beats a minute and the butterflies in my stomach are in a tornado.

“I can't write a song about you, but I can buy you more expensive burgers.”

I laugh leaning my head on his shoulder. “that's all a girl needs anyways.”

he laughs too but gently. I look up at him and his eyes are locked on mine. he places a hand on my cheek and then lower to my neck. I take a sharp breath in and connect our lips. his lips are soft, sweet, and gentle. I pull my arms up around his neck and deepen the kiss. I feel his hands slide down my back to just above my ass. I move my head to the side and open my mouth gently. he knows what to do and opens his mouth too. I feel his tongue dominate my mouth. he retracts and I close my mouth only to bite his bottom lip and then pull away. I let go and we put our foreheads together breathing heavily. 

“I could do that again.” he says.

“wanna come inside?” I whisper, my hands now playing with his hairs at the end of his neck.

“best party ever.” he laughs and I pull him inside. I don't know what im supposed to tell Charlie. the heart wants what it wants?