#im crying so much this scene was so beautiful and yet the most heartbreaking one

[miothle]

Farewell, Kakavasha.

[alreadyblondenow]

Sweet | Jung Jaehyun

❤︎ Jaehyun x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff? Smut, Smut, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, College AU, Established relationship ❤︎ 2/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Jaehyun has always been in love with you but he thinks so highly of you that he never tried pursuing his feelings for you. All throughout your college years, Jaehyun endured every heartbreak secretly whenever you have a new boyfriend and can only love you secretly in his own ways. Wild. College years was wild and its all because of Jaehyun. After college, you and Jaehyun parted ways but life will reunite you again in the most shocking way. Jaehyun’s wedding.  

Word count: 13,707k

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, and loads of sex, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, making of sex tape (with consent), making of amateur porn? (with consent), cam boys and cam girl?? idk what to call that but they fuck live, mentions of alcohol, period fingering, mentions of tampon, dry humping, oral sex female receiving, mentions of blowjob, slight blowjob scene,  mentions of other idols, swearing, college students who just wanna have fun haha, kissing and touching, fingering, and slight nipple play, mentions of having sex with Johnny. AH SLIGHT BREAK UP SEX! 

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. okay, I know I said that this will be out on Jaehyun’s birthday but meh whatever I’m posting it and will post something else for hearts day. hehe. I hope you guys love this even though im just experimenting and trying to write longer fics, and seriously I wanted to write back to back smut with different feels so I guess im crossing that out of my bucket list. Also this is proof read once only so sorry. You may not be happy with the ending but I’m sure as hell happy with it so sorry. ​

Humans are prone to fall in love with the wrong people and the only thing you can do about it is to forgive yourself and move on. No matter how much history you had, no matter how many special moments or intimate ones you shared… if you know that he or she is not the right person for you then, you know.

Like this moment right now. For exactly ten minutes, you will realize why you and a certain someone never worked out.

“Hey, boss you have a 10 am meeting. Planning for everything” Your assistant says as you double-check your schedule to see the name of the client she’s talking about. “That’s the bride though, 0% progress for the wedding” she added.

“Yikes” you murmur and ready your stuff, “let’s fix that and give her a beautiful wedding. I need you to take down everything she says while I talk to her” you straighten your clothes and fix yourself before you face the client.

The moment you enter the room, the bride greets you with a big smile like she’s saying ‘thank you for saving me and my wedding’ even though you literally haven't done anything yet. Oh, you love seeing those hopeful eyes in every bride. “I’m just waiting for my fiancé, he’s the one who recommends coming here and I have a great feeling that I will have a beautiful wedding because of you”

“And my team,” you added and finished her sentence, “I want to introduce you to my assistant, she will be taking care of every request you say during our discussion later”

“And I want to introduce you to my fiancé, Jaehyun,” she said with a big smile and walked towards his fiancé.

And just like that your ordinary day at the office became extraordinary. Because nothing is normal about Jung Jaehyun, nothing is normal about those dimpled smile that automatically makes your heart skip a beat.

“Baby, this is the wedding organizer” her smile has no hint of mock, she’s not even proud that she has a very handsome fiancé and obviously she doesn’t know who you are. She’s just happy that she’s marrying Jaehyun. That’s all. And in those eyes, you see that Jaehyun is in the right hands.

“Mhmm. Me, Johnny, and Ms. Y/n right here are dorm mates. So you’re talking to the best wedding organizer,” you snorted at what Jaehyun said.

“Thank you for that introduction Jung, now let’s talk about your wedding”

And so, you worked your magic to them the whole morning. Explaining things, showing stuff, asking them what they want. From the wedding reception, wedding dress appointments, and picking of cakes… she has no idea of what she wants. Good thing you do know what you’re doing and you planned everything smoothly after a few hours. And for hours and hours, you watched them smile at each other, lowkey flirted in front of you but you didn’t feel any jealousy, hurt, or regret.

When the exhausting meeting was finally done and finally you’re alone at your office, a soft knock brought you back to reality and a familiar voice was behind it. “Can I come in?” Jaehyun asks.

“Of course, it’s open” you watch him enter your office like he’s some kind of a ghost and made the room cold in an instant.

“I just want to say thank you for helping us out- thank goodness the world is small… Literally, the wedding will be a mess”

“Just doing my job Jae,” you smiled sweetly to him, “your fiancé is lovely-“

“I did love you Y/n. And I’m sorry for hurting you like that, I told you, you deserve better. I’m glad we both found our happiness” he flashed that dimpled smile again and thanked you one last time.

The little reunion ended with small smiles, nods here and there, and in just a few seconds Jaehyun is out from your office and quickly replaced by your assistant to give you your afternoon coffee. Awkward and curious, she placed the coffee in front of you. Obviously, she wanted to know your past with the groom. And when she finally dropped the question, you remembered everything, moments crashing and drowning you right this instance.

Eight years ago  

“Are you even trying, you’re no fun!”  

Your best friend shouts at you from the other side of the table, waiting for you to throw the ball, waiting for you to miss. It was just beer pong but you don’t know why the game was so fucking frustrating and no matter how hard you concentrate you can’t score. Maybe it’s because you’re all alone and you’re competing against your best friend and her boyfriend. Fuck that you thought, you don’t need a man.

“Fuck” you murmur and miss again. You watch your best friend’s boyfriend score another one and of course, you have to drink again. But just when you’re about to get the ball from drink, a stranger’s hand was quick to get the cup, remove the ball and drink the alcohol.

“Mind if I join and help you win?” He flashed you a dimpled smile that immediately made you smile back at him. You take back what you said earlier, maybe you do need someone.

“Come on! Let him in, maybe he’s a better competition” your best friend shouts once again. Oh, you’re very happy that you’re not going to the same college.

As you welcome the handsome stranger and gave him the honor of throwing the ball, you warned him first that your opponents can be very annoying but he doesn't seem to care and just let out a small laugh. Cocky you thought, but confidence looks sexy on him.

And finally. Fucking finally, your best friend had a taste of her own medicine.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he was lowkey flirting with you and you’re not stupid to not notice. “Here, I’ll teach you how to throw” he put the ball in your palm and stood behind you, hands on your waist to keep you steady, arms raised together, and you swear his lips were so near at your nape that you got shivers whenever he talks. “let the ball bounce near a cup and it will land on one” he added. But how can you score if he’s making it hard for you? You did it anyways, threw the ball near a cup and he was right. It landed on the cup you wish to aim and finally, you’re starting to have fun.

The game went on and you and Jaehyun flirted, talked, and exchange deep glances the entire game but winning it at the same time. His one hand is always around your waist even if it's not necessary whenever he’s the one throwing the ball, and whenever the other team scores, he’s the one drinking the alcoholic beverage for you.

At the end of the game, you and Jaehyun won the golden prize which is very awkward when he showed it to you.

“All that frustration and competition for a condom?” you can’t believe that the prize is a single condom.

“We don’t have to use it, it can just be our trophy you know” he let out a small laugh and put the condom in his pocket, and changed the subject.

As the night went deeper, you and Jaehyun had your own little world in that corner at the kitchen with a beer in your hand while you talk about your interest from music to movies. It was pretty crowded but no one seems to care especially Jaehyun because he loves how incredibly close he is to you right now. Until a drunk person bumped Jaehyun and he accidentally spilled his beer on your blouse. Seems like the universe is making a way for you two to eventually hook up and use the condom.

“Shit-shit!” Jaehyun was panicking at the moment and he doesn’t know what to do other than remove his hoodie and cover you with it before anyone sees your see-through blouse and took you somewhere less crowded to help you clean up the mess he put you through.

In a stranger's room upstairs, he locked the door to let you change while he looks for something to dry your clothes with. Luckily, he saw a hairdryer and quickly plugged it in beside the bed and started drying your shirt.

You were conscious for some time, clinging to a stranger's blanket with nothing but your pants underneath it. You watch Jaehyun dry your bra, checking it from time to time if it's ready to go. And when it's finally dry, he hands it to you with an awkward smile but still managed to make your heart beat fast. “I’m really sorry,” he started, a quickly avoided his gaze from you again as you turn your back from him, put down the blanket, and wear your bra like there's no one with you.

“It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up,” you said, there’s no way he’s going to let this go you’re sure of it, so with all your bravery, you came closer to him while he's busy drying your blouse and kissed him on the cheek. “You've been saving me the whole night. You saved me from boredom and from losing and now, you're drying my clothes. So sweet of you,” you added and looked at him sweetly, resting your forehead on his and making the moment even more intense by putting down the blanket in front of him. Allowing him to see you with only wearing your bra and pants, inviting him to make this moment unforgettable for the two of you.

Of course, he's not stupid and did exactly what you had in mind. In one swift moved his lips are on your lips, hands on your shoulders to put your bra straps down, and you unclasped your bra and threw it on the floor before you started to kiss him more intensely.

Jaehyun kissed you exactly how you wanted to be kissed, with want and with lust. His breath and the sound of wet kisses sounded perfect as it surrounds the room. You felt him bite your neck then feel him smile against your skin when his intentions of turning you on even more is working.

Kisses became deeper, playful, and wet when he started to go down to your chest and started kissing the valley between your boobs. His big hands knead your right boob, while his left hand is placed on your waist. Oh when his tongue brushed on your nipple for the first time, you rolled your head back and arched your back as if you wanted him to do more and play more with your boobs.

And just like that the cold night became warm and you feel it getting warmer and warmer by every second and it’s all because of Jaehyun.

He flashed a dimpled smile at you when he saw that you're more than liking what he's doing to you and stopped to open the lampshade. The room was immediately softly illuminated which you thought is romantic even though everything that’s happening right now is totally unplanned.

"Your boobs have spit all over, wait let me get that for you" you were just about to tell him that it's fine but he was quick to remove his shirt and reveal his godlike body right before your eyes. “If you just want to kiss and touch the whole night, I’m fine with that but I am very horny right now that I got you covered with spit,” he said while wiping his spit from your boobs and chest using his shirt.  

If you’re perfectly honest, you’re nervous about what can happen in the next few minutes. But there’s no way in hell that you’re going to let this pass, it’s not every day a handsome man is eager to fuck you. You just have to suck it up, not tell him that you’re a virgin, perform and look like you know what you’re doing. "No, it's fine I'm horny too" and you proved it by kissing him again, cupping his face with both of your hands, and with all your strength you roll on top of him. "Wait here," you said as you push him back on the mattress when he tried to get a hold of you.

You went down from the bed to remove your pants and underwear, he did the same as quickly as he can and you think he's cute for being excited to fuck. You crawled in between his legs, sat nicely on top of him but the impatient guy sat up and met your lips again. One hand supporting his weight, one hand on your waist. "You're so fucking beautiful I'm having a hard time to breath for the last few minutes" he whispers so sexily while kissing your jaw, leaving his mark to remind you the next day about tonight.

For a minute, you felt shy because you've never been naked with someone in bed. But the way Jaehyun kisses you makes you trust him, the way he touches your body with care make you want him more. And again, those fucking lips just made you roll your hips against his hardening cock and it made you both moaned so good that he asked you to do it again. And so you did.

Letting his cock slide in between your folds is a new feeling for you. Not even grinding on your vibrator will give you such an amazing feeling. Grinding on Jaehyun's cock while his mouth plays with your boobs felt fucking good that your grip on his locks tightens but he doesn't care. But for someone untouched like you, you made sure you never forget the feeling whenever his tongue swirls while you roll your hips, how he bites your nipples whenever he feels you're slowing down, and the vibrations that share with you whenever he grunts a little too loud and you feel it all over your body.

Soon Jaehyun switched places with you, putting you underneath him to catch his breath and stop himself from cumming. He reached for your hand and hold it dearly, kissing your knuckles and the back of your hand. “Forgive me if I become rough tonight, I can promise an aftercare don’t worry,” he says and gave you one last kiss before he pulls away and gets the condom from the pocket of his discarded pants. Putting the protection in front of you to assure you, thank goodness to that condom you thought.

As soon as he crawls back in between your legs again, his hand moved around your body like he’s telling you he owns you, smiling in between kisses whenever he accidentally tickles you. Hands slipping in between your thighs and fingers brushed automatically on your very wet slit. You jolt because of the new feeling but careful not to show Jaehyun that this is your first time being finger fucked. So you closed your eyes to avoid his gaze but Jaehyun gave your ass a tight squeeze and put his thumb on your wet slit, admiring how wet he made you already which made you open your eyes again and moan his name deliciously.

“I like the sound of that,” he says, kissing your neck and down Jaehyun goes, kissing your body until he reaches your pussy to give you few licks before he fucks you.

The way he licked your wet folds made your toes curl and your legs spread even wider. Pushing his head away, crushing his head with your legs then spreading it wide again, and begged him but you’re not sure what for.  

“Jae- you eat pussy like a pro” or maybe you’re just telling that because it’s your first time being eaten out. That even the way he puts the right amount of force to stop your legs from closing whenever he flicks his tongue is perfect. And when he saw you relaxing and can handle the pleasure already, his hands cupped both of your boobs and pinched your nipples, making you moan his name loudly “Jae!-“ and arch your back as a sign that you’re almost there, and if he doesn’t stop soon you might cum now.

But of course, Jaehyun didn’t stop and made you cum using his tongue for the first time tonight. Your legs felt like jelly and you can even feel that your pussy is still sensitive. “Thought it’s going to be just a few licks?” you said weakly, wiping your pussy juices from his chin and planting a soft kiss on his lips as a thank you, but he doesn’t know that.

“Changed my mind, you taste good. I might even go for another round-“

And right before he goes down on you again, you stopped him and told him you’re still sensitive. Which thankfully he listened and kissed you instead of licking you. And when you’re finally good to go again, he holds you by your ankles, kiss your neck and touch your body for a few seconds before he finally lines his cock on your very wet slit. Sliding it up and down, teasing you and making you horny and even more aroused.  

When he finally pushed his cock in your hole, Jaehyun thought his dick will slide in smoothly because, one, he thought you’re not a virgin anymore and two, you’re dripping on the sheets but still he’s having a hard time pushing in. Then he saw your face, contorting like you’re in pain rather than seeing you furrow your brows, part your lips, and make beautiful sounds.

For you, it fucking hurts and you would rather suck it up than tell him you’re still a virgin and ruin the mood. But the man on top of you is not stupid and surprisingly he pulled out slowly and came closer to your body once again to face you, “I’m about to be your first time, am I right? You’re so tight and I’ve never encountered a hole like that ever since my first fuck”

Busted you thought. You thought of any more ways to get out of this situation but he looks like he’s okay with it. “Are you mad?” you asked shyly and avoiding his stare.

“No” he admitted, “Actually I’m turned on. But I’ll go slow and sorry if I hurt you at first. Want to try again?”

You nod oh eagerly to his question and finally, you can breathe and enjoy the moment. He gave you a few kisses before he continues and went back to lining his cock, he made you wrap your arms around his neck and asked you to spread your legs even wider. And when he pushed in again, there’s that good stretch you’ve been hearing so much about. The feeling of Jaehyun’s cock go slowly inside you was incredibly good even though he’s not fucking you raw right now.

“The condom is thin-“ he grunts and moaned a few times, “you’re so tight. And fuck you look hot. Does it feel good now?” he whispers and started to roll his hips once which made you both moan and let out sharp gasps.

He fucks you slow and deep until the sting from the stretch is replaced by pleasure. You rake his body with your nails, holding him on his nape, and grab a fistful of hair whenever he tries to give you a powerful thrust which you loved so you asked for more.

He sat on his knees and pull away from your body then immediately gave you a hard thrust, watching your boobs bounce with lidded eyes, kneading them whenever he wants to. In a matter of few minutes, his thrust became animalistic that your head is dangling on the edge of the bed, moaning and gasping sharply but the man above you kept on fucking you hard, savoring the condom and trying not to cum so soon. So whenever he’s on edge, he pulls out immediately and spreads kisses around your body, sucking your boobs until your nipples are swollen, playing with your slit until you’re cumming for the third time tonight using his fingers.

“Not yet, I want more time with you,” he says while kissing your neck and reaching for your hand to intertwine it with his.

“Jaehyun, I can’t take it anymore. Please cum already” you begged with ragged breaths.

“Fine, fine. Since you asked nicely, but promise me to give me your number after we fuck”

“I will if you make me cum using your dick” he was amused by your answer and effortlessly flipped you on your stomach and asked you to put your ass in the air. He kissed your shoulders first, making you feel safe before the grand finale. Hands on your ass while he slowly thrust in again and fuck, he does make your knees weak.

“You were just a virgin a few minutes ago, but now you’re begging huh, okay” he says before he gave you a hard thrust that made you land flat on your stomach but he was quick to lift your hips again and give you another hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust you feel the impact in your body and for sure your body will be sore the next day. You call his name over and over again but you’re not sure what you’re begging for because he is fucking you good. Hard but good. And when finally Jaehyun is on edge for the nth time tonight, he did not pull out and kept fucking you but this time he doubled his pace that you can only hear skin slapping and his beautiful moans.

“Fuck Jaehyun- I’m cumming again, don’t you dare fucking stop” you grip the sheets and arch your back more, taking every thrust Jaehyun gives you and shut your eyes close as you let go and cum for the fourth time tonight.

Thrust

Thrust

Thrust

He gave you three powerful thrusts before you both flop on the mattress and catch your breath together. Your bodies were warm and sweaty, the room smelled like sex but no one cares. You feel bad to the owner of this bed.

While you catch your breath and calm yourself down, Jaehyun busies himself with discarding the condom and looking for something to cover your exposed body before he makes a wrong decision like asking you for round two.

“Thanks” you said weakly when he covered you with the blanket.

“I hope you’re okay with me being your first” he says and lies beside you again, keeping you close to him.

“I’m more than okay with it” you kissed him on the lips like you’re keeping a souvenir, “I hate to ruin this moment that we shared but, we have to go back to the party” you watch him shook his head no and pretended to be asleep, “Mhmm. Come on, I’ll help you get dressed” you added.

To be perfectly honest Jaehyun wanted to stay with you for a few more minutes, he wanted to know more about you, he wanted to hold your hand just a little bit longer. “Stay with me” he asks of you, but you refused with a heavy heart. You exchanged cellphone numbers of course, but when you two got back to the party, hand in hand and back to flirting with each other, your friends are quick to get a hold of you. and the next thing you know you’re inside your friend’s car, on your way home and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

On the next day, you woke up very sore and you couldn’t walk properly but the thought of what happened last night just makes you smile and all giggly. You waited for his text the whole day, checking your phone from time to time and hoping that whenever it beeps, Jaehyun’s name is on the screen but no.

You thought that waiting for him for a day is normal, maybe he got hungover and slept the whole day. But after a few days later, still you got no texts from him and that part is not normal anymore. You started to think that you’re just a one-time thing for him and you feel stupid for even thinking that Jaehyun can and eventually pursue you.

Everything that happened that night, should be forgotten and you should enjoy the remaining months of your summer before you finally move in to your college dorm. On top of that, you deleted his number and tried to forget the man who made you feel good in bed for the first time.

Now that you’re weeks away from officially being a college student, you decided to settle in your college dorm as early as now so you can have more time to know your dorm mates. Little did you know, that the world is incredibly small and you will end up being dorm mates with Jaehyun alongside his best friend Johnny who welcomed you with a big bear hug like you’ve known each other for years.

It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him when he opened the door for you, it’s just that... it was such an awkward moment because you’ve seen each other naked and... he didn’t call you back. Nonetheless, you pretended to know each other for the first time today, shake his hand and give him a hug. Which you didn’t want to end so soon.

“Hey, uhm… glad to see you settle in” he started and closed your door so Johnny would not hear whatever conversation you’re about to have.

“Yeah, thank you for welcoming me warmly. Johnny is sweet by the way” you said awkwardly while folding your clothes and putting them in your cabinet.

“Uh, about that. Uhm, can you uh-“

“Not tell him that something happened between us?” he nods slowly at what you said, “sure” you wanted to scoff so bad and throw a fit at him, but you didn’t want to ruin your move in day and just shrugged it off.

Starting that day, you tried your best not to be awkward with Jaehyun and really try your best to forget about the sex. The sex that felt good, the sex that can make your toes curl by just merely thinking about it. Although you had a hard time because whenever you touch yourself at night, you remember everything that happened between you two and you end up fantasizing about fucking Jaehyun again. But now that you’re living with him and you see him every day, it's not just about the sex now.

During the summer you were convinced that Jaehyun is a guy who had sex with you and left you hanging. But seeing him every day and knowing him even more by living together, the truth about Jaehyun slapped you so hard that you even liked him even more now. He is a warm person, whose heart is full of care and compassion, or maybe even more than that.

Eventually, you did forget about the sex and your little crush on Jaehyun. Thank goodness, you thought. You couldn’t have done it without a few hookups during your freshman year. And when everything is all nice and pleasant again between you and Jaehyun, you became good friends and started to look after each other.

You were like family in that small dorm during your starting years together. The two giant knows how to cook so a good meal is never a problem, you have study sessions whenever it’s needed and whenever someone is going through something, you were there for each other.

It was great and comforting because you do everything together. But not until Jaehyun realized that he’s not immune to your charms anymore and now he’s falling for you. Hard.

Over the years of living together, Jaehyun saw your true colors. Now he knows you’re more than just a hookup. You were a gem that he found in a stranger’s party and he was such a fool for not calling you back during the summer. It’s true what they say that regrets are always at the end. Now he can only admire you and love you in ways where he can’t ruin this amazing friendship that you have.

Jaehyun endured every heartbreak whenever he sees you with another man or hearing you moan from the other side of the room whenever you and your boyfriend have sex. And when that jerk broke your heart, his broke two times than yours because he can’t do anything to ease your pain, make you realize your true worth and help you move on.

“You don’t need that guy,” Jaehyun says as he pulls you for a hug while Johnny massages your toes. The two giants were a good support system, not to mention they really want to beat your ex’s butt but you told them ‘thanks but, no don’t do that’. And while you’re crying in Jaehyun’s arms, staining his hoodie with your tears, he promised to himself that he will never hurt you or make you cry.

Now that he’s frustrated and mad at himself because he can’t help you, he decided to help himself instead. He watched on the sides and used different girls to make him forget about you, which is hardly impossible by now because even the little things you do make him crazy. Like whenever you ask him to eat dinner with you when Johnny is out for work, or whenever you take care of him when he goes home batshit drunk and can’t even stand up straight.

For Jaehyun, his college years were all about yearning. Yearning for you, your attention, your touch, and your love. But even though you’re now single and have already moved on from your ex, he still can’t confess his feelings for you because he believes that you deserve someone better than him. Jaehyun knew he hurt you already, and he will not forgive himself if he does it again.  

Senior year

In a middle of a busy cafeteria, you, Johnny, and Jaehyun are thinking of ways how to earn money for your dorm rent. This semester made you guys bring out a lot of cash because of books and some of your rent money was needed to sacrifice for education. But now that you guys are a month late with your rent, you have no idea where to get cash knowing all too well that your parents won’t chip in.

“I could sell some of my clothes” Jaehyun suggested while drinking his coffee.

“Dude your clothes are all black, no one would ever buy those” Johnny bites back just to annoy his friend. “Though girls will buy it because it’s from you-“

“Stop it with your nonsense John”

“Or! You can sell some of your nudes, I already know a lot of buyers” Johnny added with an annoying smile.

“Or you two can just fuck each other because you’re the hottest guys on campus but your asses are broke” you tease them further but you have no idea that you just gave out the solution to all your problems. “What?” you asked them as they both smile at you, shy for no reason, and eyeing each other like they’re having a secret conversation using their eyes.

Johnny clears his throat before he starts, “You just suggested to make porn… and porn is good money. A few students do it these days” he clears his throat again before he continues, “We know because we watch porn-“

“Okay, I don’t need to know that part. What are you saying? Are you suggesting we make porn?” you said, eyes big as you look at them.  

“You suggested it. Not us. But yeah. It’s good money Y/n” Johnny once again explained.

“Well, okay. I’ll hold the camera while you two fuck. How do we do this?” you avoid their eyes as your body heats the more you talk.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not fucking Johnny” Jaehyun announces.

“Nope. Me too I’m not fucking Jaehyun, you choose Y/n. No hard feelings, but consider the size” he winks but you know that he’s just joking.

Good thing the awkward conversation was cut when your alarm went off and you have to go to your next class. You gather your stuff and told them to think of better ways to earn money because there’s no way you’re having sex with any of them. Especially not with Jaehyun.

The idea of making money through porn crosses your mind every five minutes and you can’t concentrate with your class. Plus, your landlord kept on sending messages reminding you that in three days, you’re going to be two months late with the rent. But still, whenever you imagine having sex with any of them, it gives you great goosebumps and you can’t handle the awkwardness anymore.

After your class, you were spacing out and still weighing things over regarding the porn making, and unexpectedly, one of your friends brought up ‘amateur porn’ and you’ve never been so nervous in your life. She was talking about how she and her boyfriend went live for a good twenty minutes and they made loads of cash, “and guess what, it’s all for fun! We were really just fooling around but apparently, people do love those kinds of stuff and they pay good money”

Your mouth almost fell when she mentioned the cash they earned for only twenty minutes. And in that twenty minutes, you can cover one month's rent pay already. You just have to cum in front of thousands of people. So with a mind blinded by the possibility of earning too much cash, you said yes to the idea of making porn. The only question is, with whom?

Johnny and Jaehyun stood in front of you as they wait for your answer after telling them what your friend told you about making porn. Of course you picked Jaehyun. Not because you miss him, and not because you have history, but because you don’t want to be awkward with Johnny. While Jaehyun on the other hand is feeling proud and hopeful behind that poker face of his, he thought that you chose him because you already know what’s in store for you if you fuck with him again and of course he thought that maybe you miss him.

“Johnny doesn’t really need to hold the camera for us right? We can just place it, and secure it somewhere” you added and watch Jaehyun agree without looking at you.

“You two have the place tomorrow night then. M-make sure you raise the quota and cover three months of payment... for safety” Johnny says to Jaehyun and you with a smile that says, ‘thank goodness I didn’t have to watch you both fuck’.

Before you sleep tonight, unexpectedly Jaehyun paid you a visit. And there’s that nervous feeling again, you feel like you’re back in your freshman days when you don’t know what to do whenever you see Jaehyun and you just have to pretend that nothing is bothering you.

Breathing in and out, you opened the door quickly and went back to your bed and under the covers to cover your exposed legs. Little did you know that Jaehyun already saw that you’re not wearing anything besides your lacy panties and an oversized shirt.

“Your ears are red,” you teased him.

“Well next time you should wear pajamas instead of your underwear to sleep” he winked and placed the mask that you’re going to be using tomorrow and sat on the edge of your bed.  

“What are you? A stranger? You’re so far, come here” you invited him under your sheets and lie in bed face to face like nothings bothering you two. You put your hand above his head and feel his soft locks, careful not to grip so hard and hurt the man you used to have feelings for.

This is why Jaehyun can’t move on from you. You always make him feel like he’s your favorite person in the world.

“Are you going to leave me hanging again after we have sex tomorrow?” You confronted him.

“That’s impossible now, we live together” he giggles and catches your hand so he could hold it.

“Just promise me after the sex tomorrow we’ll still be friends” you felt his grip loosen up like he became hopeless like he didn’t like what you just said.

“I was actually going to say that I want us to try again. Get things right this time”

And in that very moment, your world stopped and your body feels hot, suddenly you’re sweating and your heart is beating faster. To be honest you don’t know what to say.

Then,

“Kidding. I’m kidding. Just making you laugh before you sleep, and y-yeah. I promise nothing will change between us, cross my heart” he got up from your bed, turned off the lights and turned on your lampshade. “Sleep well okay?”

And just like that, he left again. You don’t know if you were relieved that it was only a joke or your heart broke because deep inside, you’re waiting for him to tell you that ever since Freshman year. Nonetheless, you do what you do best. Sleep it off and pretend nothing happened.

On the next day, you were at the kitchen preparing breakfast and spacing out while you flip pancakes. Most of them got burnt and you blame Jaehyun for that.

“I told you to sleep, didn’t I?”

There he goes again, startling you and flashing a very handsome smile at you like you’re not about to do something stupid later. “Johnny went to work early and took an overtime tonight just so you won’t get shy” he hands you a glass of water, figured you might need one because you looked so tensed.

“We can always text him when we're done” you added, he nods. And there’s the awkward silence again.

You finish your breakfast in one go, not even looking at Jaehyun. Usually, during breakfast, you talk mostly about your plans within the day but given the situation right now, obviously, you don’t want to know his plans because that includes you. Good thing the day went on normally. You cleaned the living room, he cleaned the kitchen, you cleaned your room, he cleaned his. You saw him changing his bedsheets and you think that’s a sweet gesture, you wanted to tease him but that won’t help you with your nervousness so you just smiled at him when he caught you looking.

When it’s finally afternoon and you’re going to fuck live in a few minutes, you were surprised at what he did to his room just so you won’t get nervous anymore. The golden ray of afternoon light was perfect and helped you calm in no time, Jaehyun lit some scented candles and lowered the thermostat of his air conditioning so you won’t get cold.

“Thought I should make this special- not that I’m saying our first wasn’t “ he rambles and scratches his head, ears turning red and now you can see that he’s nervous too. “But come on, I want to do right for you” he caresses your shoulders and nods his head as a signal that you two needed to start.

The mood was nothing like your first, there was no sexual tension or any sign of desire to fuck each other. In other words, he looked like he’s just doing this for the dorm rent and you are too. That’s why maybe stripping in front of Jaehyun while your back is against him was easier than you thought. But you didn’t know that the man was craving for you. He wanted to be the one removing your clothes while his lips roam on your neck, make you feel good and wanted just before the live starts. He wanted to do that.

“Remember your promise okay?” You put on your mask and Jaehyun did too. He was still fully clothed and while you’re lying in his bed comfortably, watching him strip in front of you but not for you. The camera is right above your head so the viewers can imagine that they are the ones having sex with Jaehyun. If that won't give you a lot of money then you don’t know what will.

Jaehyun was a natural, you wanted to tell him that he does look like a pornstar but you’re not allowed to talk. When he finally crawled on the bed, straight between your legs and spread them according to his want, a shiver went straight to your spine and immediately made you wet. He shamelessly kissed your inner thighs first and went all the way up until he reaches your lips.

Finally. You both thought.

But his kisses were different and you wonder why. You feel like you’re not kissing Jaehyun because you know how his kiss can affect you, although his touch was still the same. He can still make you jolt and part your lips with just using his fingers and a few teasing here and there. And when he finally put his cock inside you, that’s the part where you finally believe that Jaehyun is indeed the one in bed with you right now. You will never forget how that cock feels inside you, “I miss you” he whispered very softly, hoping that the viewers did not hear it.

Time flies so fast that the live will end in ten minutes now and Jaehyun has been fucking you deep and slow like he’s savoring the feeling again. When you heard him grunt and moan, that made your toes curl and clench accidentally around him. Making him groan a little louder and fuck you a bit faster. You moaned so loud just so he knows you’re very much close to your high, and in just a few minutes you both cum together and the next thing you know he’s pulling out and letting his cum land on top of your pussy lips for the viewer’s pleasure.

Fuck you wish he didn’t pull out.

He grabbed his phone from above you and turned the damn timer off because you may not know, but the timer was screaming at him that his time with you is over. You removed your mask and he removed his too. And there you saw tears in his eyes, or maybe those are sweat? Nonetheless, you asked him what’s wrong and made him look at you. But instead of answering your question, he kissed you. Hands on both sides and cupping your face as he kisses you deeper.

And there’s that kiss you’ve been waiting for. The kiss that you’ve been wanting to experience again for years and years. You shouldn’t be happy, but you’re actually genuinely happy that your rent pay is late and you get to do this again with Jaehyun.

“I missed you too” finally you said it.

He smiled so sweetly to you and went back to the kiss, spreading your legs again, checking your slit if you’re still wet. And without further ado, he thrust in. Slowly again, but this time he’s proving a point. Like he’s telling you something. And now that you can see his face, you can’t help but feel excited and the butterflies in your stomach are very much excited too that you were smiling in between kisses.

“Ride me” he says, and effortlessly he trades places with you. Holding you on your back, lips still locked like you’re not planning to stop any time soon. And for your own pleasure, you guided his hands and made him knead your boobs. He did more than kneading, Jaehyun sucked your nipples and pinched them to hear you moan.

“A lot has changed Jae” you said, pushing him down to the mattress and intertwined your fingers with his, kissed them and placed them on your hips. You started rolling your hips without a warning, making the man underneath you close his eyes and part his lips. There are many things you wanted to do with him now that you had the privilege to ride him, but you decided to go hard because this might be the last time you’re going to fuck Jaehyun again.

You ride him like you didn’t have sex for years. Skin slapping from rolling your hips faster than he expected, letting your boobs bounce in front of him and letting him touch them whenever he wants to. “It’s hard to pull out when you’re on top, want to switch places?” He was struggling to talk, obviously he’s trying so hard not to cum yet but you’re good at what you’re doing.

“Not tonight” and that promise just made Jaehyun moan deliciously like he’s excited to cum now just so he can experience cumming inside you.

“Y-yeah. That’s right Y/n fuck me. Oh you fuck me so good! Shit- why did I ever let you go. Fuck”

The thing is, you love seeing him all fucked up and love hearing him praise the way you fuck him... but he chose the wrong words. And those words went straight to your heart. The words ‘Why did I ever let you go?’ repeated over and over again while you ride so fast that you’re overstimulating him already. He was begging for you to stop but it was too late when you heard him.

When you finally stopped, you see his cum dripping from your pussy even though you’re not yet removing his cock from you. You catch your breath for a second and came closer to Jaehyun. Good thing he has enough strength to hug you and roll you to the mattress so he could have the honor to pull his cock out.

“You’re right a lot has changed,” he says because his silly crush on you grew and grew and now he’s completely in love with you. “Let’s not shower together, I’m afraid I’ll lure you to have shower sex with me”

“And what’s so wrong about that” you bite back.

“Oh so you’re confident now huh,” he kissed you once again, and shit you never want him to leave your lips.

But every good thing comes to an end. You went back to your room and showered separately, as planned and when you went to the living room, he was all cleaned up and looking so fresh. He was wearing his glasses, hair almost covering his eyes, he looked cozy in his oversized shirt and his favorite plaid pajamas. “Come here,” He pats the seat next to him, signaling you to come watch Netflix with him. Surprisingly, his arms wrapped around you and kept you close to him, subtly smelling your shampoo. He giggled at the thought of imagining you taking a shower while smiling because the sex was fucking awesome.

He played a movie and watched it with you just so he can still keep you close to him. Not even halfway through the movie, he caught you sleeping soundly on his lap and slowly covered your exposed legs with the blanket on the couch. He pats and pats your head until his attention was no longer in the movie that he’s watching but his mind lingers to what happened earlier and eventually fell asleep beside you too.

It was very late when Johnny went home and caught you two all snuggled up on the couch, snoring and slept through to what you were watching. He had a hunch that you two had a great time, smiled and turned off the TV, and wished you both a good night's sleep.

“I have bad news” Johnny announces as you and Jaehyun wake up together on the couch, all smiles and in an incredibly good mood but Johnny was quick to ruin that. “The money you earned from yesterday’s live was not enough”

You don’t know why Jaehyun was still smiling at you even though what Johnny just told you completely ruined your day already. “That’s not bad news, right?” He whispers to you and gave you a look. “I’m okay with doing it again until we cover everything” Jaehyun says to Johnny while you three sit in front of each other, drinking your coffees.

“I’ll work double shifts at the radio station- are you fine with doing it again Y/n?” Johnny asks, and for a second there you feel like you’re in the hot seat.

“Y-yeah. I’m okay with it” you scratch your nape and awkwardly sip your coffee, “it’s easy money, I think if we do more lives we can cover three months pay”

“More lives it is. Don’t worry John, I’ll take other slots at the radio station too for groceries and stuff” Jaehyun added.

The live fucking continues and so is fooling around with Jaehyun, having better sex every after going live and whenever Johnny is not around. It’s like playing with fire, but you don’t exactly know if what you’re doing is wrong or right because you’re both single, so why are you guys hiding? You don’t get it, but you just go with the flow, enjoy what’s happening and hope for the best.

Every sex you have grown more and more intense to the point that your beds are moving and that gives you better reviews in live fucking. Not to mention the money is better now and you’re saving up faster than expected. But whenever the camera is off and you’re having sex without an audience, you guys fuck like you’re together and you love each other.

Sweet love bites here and there, sincere praises and longer kisses. For Jaehyun he feels like he’s having a dream because he gets to do the things he wanted to do with you. Remove your clothes while kissing you, whisper the things he has been holding back to say for years, and make you feel loved and important.

And just like the sex, your cuddling session became even warmer and sweeter. Cuddling after you take a shower has always been your thing, he visits you in your room with damped hair and you help him dry his hair, Netflix and chill, or order in and have a great meal together.

Days went by and you’re getting used to this sweet Jaehyun and you well know that’s dangerous. But you love every dangerous thing about Jaehyun. The following days grew extremely sweet and intimate. You sleep in his room every night and basically do everything together from now on. The only time you two were apart is during class hours but after that, Jaehyun is right outside your classroom waiting for you.

“What are you doing?” you giggle and try to finish the book you’re reading in bed when Jaehyun suddenly entered your room, crawled on your bed, and went in between your legs. Removing your glasses for safety, inviting you to fuck while Jaehyun nibs your ear and caress your legs. Oh his kisses always make your head turn and ask for more.

“Johnny is not around and I just took a shower, hmm? What do you say?” He uses that cute tone that can always make you stop what you’re doing and say yes to him. Forget the book, you can finish it later.

Removing your shorts and underwear while he continuously kisses you, smiling and giggling while he whispers ‘you always look pretty’ before he removes your shirt and exposes your boobs to him. You tried getting up and help him remove his clothes, but he stopped you and kissed you down on the mattress. “Nu-uh. Stay there I’ll treat you good tonight” he winked and proceeds to remove his clothes in between your spread legs, your hands roam freely in his well sculpted and fucking beautiful body.

Then he reached for your phone and took a nice picture while you two are kissing. The sound of the camera clicking made your eyes open, “send me this picture later. So I can stop missing you” you smiled and nod, then Jaehyun took one too many pictures so he could focus on you again. When he’s finally contented with all the pictures he got, he finally thrust in deep and slow while his mouth is sucking one of your nipples and he looks incredibly handsome.

This time, it’s you who grabbed your phone and took some pictures of him sucking your boobs and making you feel good, taking some pictures of his cock inside your pussy while he thrusts. Jaehyun had the idea of taking a video while you two fuck but this time, it’s for his and your eyes only. He took the phone from you and recorded how he fucks you good, and did not miss the part where you part your lips and moan.

“Jaehyun I’m almost there” you moan out, fingerings raking his nape or on his beautiful body. He puts the camera on the bedside table with a perfect angle of him fucking you, without masks or any cover. He intertwines his fingers with yours before he fucks you hard and fast. The camera that’s recording everything was completely forgotten and Jaehyun focused on making you feel good, making you cum at least two times using his dick and his fingers.

After your second high you were so exhausted that you were breathing heavily and Jaehyun is helping you to calm down while kissing your boobs and sucking them playfully. Even your cute moments like this was caught on camera and Jaehyun was more than happy about it.

“You okay? Want to cum for the third time?” He reached for your phone, stop the recording and went back in between your legs again and kiss you wherever he wants. You didn’t answer him ‘yes’ because to be completely honest you were still exhausted and he understood you well. For a good quiet minutes he was just staring at you, flashing his dimples, raking his fluffy hair and biting his lips at the same time. The silence felt good and not the usual awkward silence you have.

“The next live that we will be doing is going to be our last. And our dorm rent will be settled in no time” he started.

“And?”

“I’ll miss you”

Ouch. You wish he kept the quietness and peace instead. Just as you thought that life will now let you be with Jaehyun peacefully, here comes the heartbreak again. Truth is Jaehyun is still scared and very much afraid to hurt you that’s why he just wanted to fix himself before he could date you officially. He didn’t want to pursue his feeling with you just because you did porn together and fucked live, no you deserve better than that.

He loves you. So much, but he’s not ready yet.

You wanted to shout at him and asked him what else does he want from you? He is so good at making you feel like you’re always not enough for him and that makes your mind go crazy. He did it again. He left you hanging again when you’ve completely fallen in love with him. Turns out he’s not willing and ready to catch you. But as usual, you do what you do best. Shrugged it off and continue to live like it’s not bothering you.  

The live fucking and porn making stopped for a while because you and Jaehyun have final exams. And the awkwardness between you and Jaehyun came back in no time, nonetheless, it was a good week to have a breather and to let yourself think straight. But still, you can’t help but think about everything and miss Jaehyun.

“Are you on your way home?” Johnny asks Jaehyun through the phone.

“Yeah, just buying us dinner”  

“Good. Y/n is on her period”

“Am I suppose to be happy because I didn’t get her pregnant?” He chuckled proudly and having no clue what Johnny was saying.

“Take care of her she has period cramps dumb ass!“

“Oh right- right… sorry. Okay, yeah”

When Jaehyun arrived with the stuff that Johnny told him to buy for you and the dinner Jaehyun bought you, you were twisting in hurt inside your room grunting and very vocal about the pain while you hug the hot compress Johnny left you when Jaehyun entered your room.

“Ah- fuck it hurts” you groan and curl yourself, pressing that hot compress more on your lower abdomen and endure your period cramps. Jaehyun is just so sweet to stay beside you and rub your back while he watches you suffer.

“I want to help. Do you need anything other than that hot compress?” He was concerned and willing to make you feel better.

“Nothing I’m fine. You’re so sweet” you said in a little irritated tone but you’re not actually irritated with him. He scrolls through his phone with one hand, while the other is rubbing and caressing your back to give you comfort.

“Google says sex is good when-“

“I’m not having period sex with you, Jaehyun” but you do want him to touch you. Stupid hormones. Stupid period. It just makes you crave for him even more, desperate for even a kiss, or even just with his body closer to you.

“Are you horny?” He asks without shame, smiling at you and hoping that you say yes.

“I am” you admitted

“Just say yes, I got you” he was like seducing you, luring you to sin with him tonight while you bleed. And you like it.

“Okay” you answered softly. Shy but he knew you’re not that type anymore.

Jaehyun scoop over and went under the covers with you. Giving you that warmth that you need, making your body warm and comfortable, and basically giving everything you want. He intertwines his fingers with you, kissed your knuckles, and then your lips. Softly. Slowly. It’s every girl’s dream kiss. And just like his kiss, his hand creeps under the covers, all the way down until he reaches your thighs and spread one leg to gain access to your hole.

“W-wait. Let me just remove the tampon” shyly you inform him and discarded it quickly under the covers and throw it into the trash bin. Going back to the comfort that Jaeyun is giving you, his hand went back in between your legs and tease your clothed slit the moment you’re back under the covers. Smiling so handsomely and innocently while he lies beside you like he’s not doing something lustful under the covers.

“Do you think this will work-“ and just before you finish your question, Jaehyun ran a finger on your very wet slit which turned him on immediately. He flicked his finger, drawing small circles in your nub and listening to you moan while your grip on the sheets tightens and try your best not to close your legs.

“Do you like this?” his lips were very close to your neck and the way he talks to you was so sultry that even his words can make you moan.

“Mhmm. F-fuck Jae, my clit is sensitive” but your legs say others wise because you spread them even more under the covers and your hips voluntarily move to meet his fingers. When he felt your legs shake and hear your moans become higher than usual, he figured you were close, went on top of you and started to hump your thigh while his hand is inside your now ruined panties reaching deep in your hole making you feel good and over sensitive. Jaehyun grunted so loud and moaned deliciously beside your ear, moving his hips like how he fucks you and you feel his hard cock poke your thigh from the inside of his pants. Soon, Jaehyun came inside his pants and did not care about being embarrassed.

While you were coming down from your high, the man on top of you kept kissing you like you’re all that matters to him. Even though you well know that you’re just fooling yourself.

The night ended with Jaehyun sleeping beside you and further taking care of you after you both cleanup. But you woke up the next day without him beside you and thankfully, Johnny came out of nowhere to rescue you from your ugly thoughts. He came into your room with a cup of coffee and some bread for you, smiling like he has no problems in life and to be honest, you love how he’s always like this.

Since both of you don’t have classes today, you went to the groceries with Johnny and had a nice dinner at a fast food he loves. It felt great. It felt great to be with a guy who’s not Jaehyun. The man always keeps you on your toes and you feel like your head is always in the clouds whenever you’re with him but Johnny, he keeps you grounded.

“Shoot. The landlord is really testing me- he wants the money tonight or else they have to kick us out tomorrow. Fuck!” He says typing aggressively on his phone, telling Jaehyun immediately.

“Were not due until next week why are they doing this to us. We have no choice but to go live then” you said calmly, unbothered as much as possible because you just want this to be over now and move on from Jaehyun.

“You can't. You have your period and Jaehyun is not available- fuck why is he not picking up”

“There are other ways to make a guy cum Johnny. I’m sure you know that” you chuckle and shook your head in disbelief.

“Still, Jaehyun is not answering” he gave up and put down his phone.

“Well you’re available. I just want this to be over Johnny” clearly he didn’t expect you to suggest such a thing. You continue to eat your food in silence and so is the man in front of you. Obviously, he was bothered with what you suggested but it appears that he has no choice. You watch him fidget on his phone, maybe he’s not yet done contacting Jaehyun and still hoping that his friend will end up last minute but...

“Okay” he let a sigh of relief, “I texted Jaehyun that well do it but we're not going to uhm- uh, fuck. Blow job then? No more, no less? A bit of kissing maybe. Tell me what do you want? I’ll be able to do this comfortably if I know that you like what I’m doing to you”

“Hmm. Okay, let’s start by... be gentle with me. You’re a big guy and you know... what I mean”

“I may be big physically but I’m warm on the inside, being gentle is not a problem” he smiles and pour you a glass of water before he asks for the bill. “What else?” he added.

“Touch me, don’t hesitate. If you feel like my jaw needs rest then you can tell me to stop” he nods and told you he will surely not forget about that.

The conversation went on until you reached home and get ready for the live. Unlike Jaehyun who made you feel so nervous the day you had your first live with him, Johnny makes you feel calm and comfortable the whole time.

Now that you’re in front of Johnny, half naked with only your panties and your mask on, everything happened perfectly. It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t awkward too, and quite frankly you had fun with Johnny. Even though the audience noticed that you’re not with Jaehyun right now, they can’t help but love Johnny’s hot body too and the way he fuck your face gently in front of the camera. Hands cupping both sides of your face as he thrust his long, hard and veiny cock in your mouth. Smiling through the pleasure whenever you purposely swirl your tongue and bob your head aggressively.

After the cum-filled and messy live with Johnny, you wired the money to your landlord immediately and secure the rent for good until the three of you graduates. Now you and Johnny can breathe normally after cleaning up and enjoy the warmth of your bed. “Do you like Jaehyun?” He blurted out, trying not to look at your exposed boobs but you roll your body and face the ceiling and so his efforts went to waste.

“Yeah but I don’t think he likes me enough. Y-you know what I mean” he shook his head to tell you he has no idea about Jaehyun’s intentions with you.

“Just have patience with him if you like him, after all, you’re the only girl that can do this to him”

“Do what?” you ask with eagerness.

“Did you really think that I won't notice you two fucking behind my back?” You laughed at what he said and laughed your shyness away, “but it’s alright. I figured maybe you like each other so I didn’t dare stop you two”

The giggling and laughing with Johnny under the soft light of your lampshade continued until you passed out and Johnny was the one who helped you get dressed. And on the same night, Jaehyun heard and saw you and Johnny laugh over a half closed door. Seeing your bodies close to each other made his blood boil and became jealous in no time. That’s why on the next day, Jaehyun was expressing his anger while you three are gathered in the kitchen. He’s not saying a word, but he kept on closing the cabinets a little too rough while he prepares his meal. Then it hit you, he’s jealous.

You confronted him and went to his room, closed and locked the door so Johnny won't hear the unpleasant conversation you’re about to have with Jaehyun. “Don’t be angry with Johnny, I’m the one who suggested it-“

“Like that’s going to make me feel better Y/n. Get out, you’re wasting your time” he turned his back and proceeds to fix his bed.

“It’s not like we cheated Jae. Were not together” you blurted as calm as possible. Little did you know that you just triggered something in him that makes him want to punch a wall and pour his anger out but he can’t. At least not in front of you. So instead, he shouted at you. So loud that you got scared for a second there.

“You know, I’m always afraid to hurt you but you! You don’t care if you hurt me!”

“Don’t act as if you love me, Jae. You never did. You never even tried!” You shouted back and walked away towards his door, banging it and walked straight to your room with tears in your eyes.

The fight was short but unforgettable.

Later that day, Jaehyun got worried when you didn’t eat lunch and dinner and your door was still locked and he can hear you crying from the other side. He kept on knocking at your door until you got annoyed and unlocked it but you covered yourself with your thick sheets.

“Come on why are you crying? Don’t cry over a stupid guy like me you don’t deserve it. I’m sorry” you feel his embrace and rub your back so you know that he’s sincere. And finally, you removed the sheets but still, you don’t want to look him in the eye.

You have a lot of questions for Jaehyun, and you think now is the perfect time to cry it all out and let him know what he’s doing to you. Why he didn’t text you back the night after you fuck for the first time, why he never ask you out when he promised he would, why he’s jealous all of a sudden.

FLASHBACK (In the middle of junior year)

It was very late already and some crazy person is ringing your doorbell nonstop. This couldn’t be Jaehyun or Johnny obviously they don’t need to ring the doorbell because they live here and they know the code. That’s why you were surprised that Jaehyun is the one ringing it and turns out he is batshit drunk and can’t even remember the code. “Where is Johnny when you need him” you murmur, “Jae, help yourself too. I can’t carry you all the way up to the fourth floor,” you said sternly to the handsome guy clinging on to you, breath smells like alcohol, eyes lidded but can still appreciate your beautiful face.

When you finally carried him successfully back to your place, without any hesitation he puked on your sleepwear and smiled so sweetly at you like he did nothing wrong. You wanted to slap him and wake him from his drunken state but Jaehyun was quick with his hands and unbutton your sleepwear and used it to wipe the small amount of puke on the floor.

You cover yourself with your arms and walked straight to your room and get a clean shirt before you take care of Jaehyun. He was murmuring “sorry” as he sees you walk away from him and weakly sit on the floor with dirty clothes and hope that you will come back to him.

When he sees you all dressed up again with a damped cloth on your hand, he smiled and spread his arms like he’s about to give you a hug. “Why are you acting cute- here hold this while I remove your socks” you hand him the damped cloth and proceed to remove his dirty socks and throw it with your dirty sleepwear. He looks at you lovingly as you wipe his face with the utmost care, looking at your lips and thinking about kissing it but no. He may be drunk but he won’t do that to you.

“Go on a date with me,” he says while you continue to wipe his face and help him take off his hoodie. You giggle and boops his nose before you stand and help him to get on his feet, “try asking me again when you’re sober” you opened his room door and told him to don’t forget to change his pants and greet him good night.

But after a few minutes, you’re all tucked in bed and half asleep already when you feel a pair of arms cage you. You can still smell his breath and figured maybe Jaehyun is clingy like this whenever he’s really drunk, which rarely happens.

“It's so sweet, knowing that you love me. Though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet. Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair. It's so sweet” he sings a few lines from Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex and smells your hair until his breath tickles your nape.

Sweet. He’s not only clingy while he’s drunk, but he’s sweet too. “I think I like you more when you’re rarely this drunk” you turn your body and faced him. Seeing Jaehyun with sleepy eyes, lips curved in a weak smile, but arms conscious enough to keep you near him.

“Then I’ll get drunk every day if that makes you love me”

But on the next day, he just thanked you for taking care of him and forgot about the date. And on the next few days and following weeks, you hear him fuck different girls and have one night stands every now and then.

BACK TO PRESENT TIME SENIOR YEAR

“I keep on hurting you I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I hate that I’m hurting you. This is the reason why I can’t pursue my feelings for you. I’m a mess and I’m not ready”

And just as you thought that this day couldn’t get any worse. It just did. You look at Jaehyun as he tells you the truth and admits his true feelings with you. How he fell in love with you but chose not to pursue his feelings because he’s not ready and you deserve better. And from there you stopped listening to him and told him to leave you alone. Jaehyun was speechless and hopeless, he wanted to explain and express his long bottled feelings for you but you don’t want to.

All this time you thought that it’s you who’s lacking that’s why he can’t even try and ask you out. But now that you know the truth and he would rather make you feel small than swallow his pride and try to make things work with you, well you just can’t be around him anymore.

Graduation is approaching near and your dorm has been quiet ever since you finished paying the rent and Jaehyun got mad because of what you and Johnny did. You look at the quiet place while you eat your instant noodle and reminisce the good days you spent with the two giants who made your college years unforgettable and happy. Actually, they even made your life easier.

Days become even more lonely now that Jaehyun and Johnny became busy with their last requirements and you’ve been alone for a few days now. You wake up without the two boys, go to class or run some errands, they go home but you’re not home, and by the time you arrive home they have shifts to the radio station again.

Today is your birthday and you spend it with some of your classmates which are all sweet and you treat them to dinner. Johnny left a bouquet of flowers on your bed before he left for work, together with a sweet happy birthday card. And Jaehyun… well, let’s just say that maybe he forgot about it because being a graduating student makes you busy.

While you were having a nice dream of Jaehyun singing a happy birthday song to you with a small cupcake in his hand, in reality, he woke you up by patting your head and a kiss on your forehead, whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and kissing your face until you’re awake and what’s happening right now is finally registering in your mind. You wrapped your arms around him and decided to forgive him for being stupid and accept his apology. “Is this for me?” you point at the chocolate cake on the bedside drawer a blew the candle, making your room dark and only the soft light from your window lights up your room.

“What did you wish for” he came closer to you and rests his forehead on yours. Oh you missed his presence, but all you feel right now is the heartbreak and remember what happened a few weeks ago.

“You, Jaehyun” you whisper and closed your eyes, not caring if there are tears in your eyes. You’re not afraid to show him that you ache for him.

“I told you, I can’t-“ you didn’t want to hurt yourself further and listen to those hurtful words so you kissed him and pulled him on top of you.

Everything happened so fast and naturally. You removed your shorts, he was quick to spread your legs and free his hardening cock. Not even bothering to reach for a condom, he fucked you in the dark and whispered “I’m sorry” over and over again that it hurts your ear and your heart so you put your thumb in his mouth and let him suck it good while his thrust was slowly picking up the pace and you hear skin slapping surrounds your room

“Jaehyun-“ you moan his name when you felt that familiar feeling of being on edge but you’re not yet ready to let go. You’re not yet ready to let him go. So you tried with all your might to clench and stop yourself from cumming but what you’re doing to Jaehyun just makes him want to fuck you more.

And so he did.

He covered your mouth not because he didn’t want to let Johnny know that you’re fucking but because he never wants to hear your beautiful moans again. He closed his eyes so he could no longer see your face and dream about you underneath him, and with that, he continues to thrust so harshly that it’s hurting you so good and your grip on his shoulders will surely leave a mark.

Soon you failed and cum before Jaehyun could. You exchanged sharp exhales, gasps, and quiet grunts before he lies beside you and kiss you deeply the whole night. One last time.  

As expected, you woke up alone in your bed with a sore body. You stretched for a few minutes before you got out of bed and head outside to have breakfast. At first, you thought that you will be alone again today but turns out Johnny is free.

“Belated Happy birthday. Did you like the flowers I got you?” he greets you good morning and gave you a bear hug.

“I did. I put it in a vase, it’s in my room. Thank you” now that Johnny is here and you’re not alone eating breakfast, you can’t help but wish for Jaehyun to be here.

“Jaehyun is uhm… working. I can take you out today, let’s have dinner and celebrate your birthday again. What do you say?” he offers excitedly and even showed you a great restaurant from his phone.

When the evening comes and you and Johnny should be out by now but you were having a hard time to chose what to wear, Jaehyun arrived out of nowhere with a girl on his shoulders. Someone not familiar and they’re holding hands.

“I think your friends are going out on a date aren’t they babe?” the girl asks Jaehyun, like she's tying to get his attention but Jaehyun’s eyes are glued on you. Eyes that are very much sorry because he didn’t mean for you to see his new girlfriend after your birthday. So this is why Johnny was rushing you tonight. He didn’t want you to see Jaehyun with his new girlfriend because he knew it will hurt you greatly.

“Y/n-“ Jaehyun called you but you didn’t bother looking back and told Johnny that you’re ready now… even though your earrings don't match with your dress. If he can try and be in a relationship with someone else then what does that make you? Why can’t he try for you?

The night went on, carrying the lie that you’re okay but to be honest, you don’t want to go back to that fucking dorm. Good thing, Johnny was trying so hard to cheer you up and make you forget about what happened. Which is working and for that you’re thankful.

On the same night, you swore to yourself that you will never let Jaehyun into your life again and make you feel small. You will never throw yourself to him again, or even spare a glance and waste your time with the one and only guy whom you allowed to break your heart over and over again. But not anymore.

Jaehyun was nothing but sweet to you and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Five years later

When you came home from work, you caught your boyfriend cooking dinner with a glass of cold wine beside him. You greet him, “hey” and kissed him on the cheek before you wrap your arms around his strong built body.

“Tired? Hows work? I have big news” he says while stirring something from the pan. You told him he could tell the big news first because he looks excited, and so he did. With big smiles and overflowing excitement, he said that “Jaehyun is going to get married and I’m his best man!” you almost let out a laugh but you stopped yourself.

“Mhmm. Guess who’s taking care of the wedding....” you teased him. But just as you burst your boyfriend’s bubble, his reaction was quite unexpected.

“N-no, don’t tell me it’s you” he suddenly stopped cooking, he wasn’t mad. Just shocked at the moment and because of the big news.

“Johnny- Don’t tell me you’re being jealous right now...” you tease him further, “he’s like a college fling baby, and you’re the real deal!” you kiss him on the lips but he’s still sulking and went back to cooking.

“We both know it’s not just a fling” he whines.

“He’s getting married and we’re literally inseparable. What are you so jealous of? You know I saw Jaehyun looked at his fiancé and guess what,”

“What?” he turns off the stove and prepared two plates for dinner which you helped him do.

“He never looked at me that way, but you did” you see a shy smile on his face now and poke his cheek but he's quick to catch your hand and pull you into a hug. The kind of hug only Johnny can provide.

“Sorry, that was so childish of me”

“It’s okay. Dinner looks good, is this a new recipe?”

Soon after dinner, Johnny expresses his apology in bed in many ways he can, making you feel good and treating you right as always until it became too exhausting because you don’t think you could cum anymore after having your fourth…or fifth? To be honest you’re not sure anymore.

But even though you’re tired and exhausted, you still can’t help but reminisce. Throughout the years of forgetting Jaehyun, Johnny has always been patient with you and waited for you to heal from Jaehyun. Johnny brought you to the movies and went out with you while Jaehyun only promised. It's like Jaehyun kept promising you things but Johnny is the one keeping them.

“I thought you’re exhausted?” He kissed your shoulder to bring you back to Earth when he saw you spacing out. “Stop thinking. I’ll marry you too, you know that right?” oh you know that all too well, so you nod and kissed him. Whispered ‘i love yous’ over and over again, and thanked him for being the one for you. It was never easy for both of you, but still, you yearn for each other. Sometimes, love will point us to the wrong person so we could find the right person to us. Yes, Jaehyun was sweet, but Johnny is not only sweet in fact he showed his love to you since day 1.

[beyondd-dazedd]

here’s an analysis of the angst between redlynn and rini and the main portwell scene in episode 8 because i have so many thoughts so grab a drink and relax because this is going to be a long one:

both larry and julia’s acting in the scene in ash’s room was incredible. you know exactly how both characters are feeling because it’s so perfectly written on their faces. but larry really goes above and beyond with the way he’s portraying his emotions in the little things like his eyes tracking and the choppy turning and the flickering eye contact. its incredible. seriously.

DOMESTIC EJ AND GINA!! i loved this scene it was so sincere and heartfelt. i wish EJ wasnt so down on himself. yes he’s made some mistakes. a lot. but he’s a teenage boy and he’s come SO far. and matt portrays that so so so well in his acting. that sense of self consciousness under the bravado that EJ puts on. DONT GET ME STARTED ON SOFIA. her acting is BEYOND INCREDIBLE. she has a way of delivering her lines so genuinely and like she has experienced every single thing that her character has. it never feels like she’s acting. seeing these two characters who are so unsure of themselves but put up this mask and then finally get the chance to break down those walls a bit with each other and finding comfort is so beautiful and makes this scene that much more impressive. i don’t feel like im watching a TV show when i watch this scene. i feel like im watching two teenagers try to break down their walls and be vulnerable with each other because they understand each other in a lot of ways. Matt’s line delivery of “that’s what you think of me?” was so soft and so different from the way EJ normally talks that it really hits. this is a boy who has no idea who he is other than his mistakes and the expectations from other people so hearing gina say that to him is such a vulnerable moment for him and Matt killed it. also sofia’s line delivery after that where she back tracks when she says “you’d see what I... the rest of us see” is so genuine to gina’s character. gina hasn’t put down her walls quite yet but she’s trying to. her whole life she’s used to steeling herself and not getting too attached. and here she is allowing herself this moment of vulnerability with this boy who GETS her even if she corrected herself that moment is still there. and then her trying to deflect when EJ tries to compliment her is her realizing she let herself be vulnerable and tries to not let EJ break down those walls any more than he already has. but he does because she needs to hear these things as much as he does. their soft looks at the end of that scene is just so genuine and heart warming. they get each other and they support each other in ways a lot of the other characters can’t. sofia and matt’s acting compliment each other so well and you can really see that in this scene. this is such a moment of genuine vulnerability between these characters and both of them portray it so well to these characters personalities.

now that i’ve analyzed the shit out of that scene let’s move on to the rini scene. because good god. there’s a lot. i like at the beginning of this scene there’s a lot of reminiscing which obviously sets us up for the whole issue with their relationship at this point. they’re both stuck trying to hold onto something that’s in the past whether that’s their relationship as a whole, who they were or who they’re trying to be for one another. the career day metaphor do be a metaphor for nini’s progress as a person and their relationship. like nini said it’s always been nini and ricky and there hasn’t been much diverging from that their whole lives. the acting in this scene is perfect. josh’s resigned and almost stoned reaction is perfect for where ricky is right now. i think ricky knew this was coming but he’s obviously still hurt and is trying to stay strong for nini because it’s obvious this is devastating her. he does a good job capturing that with his line delivery and how it’s almost robotic like he’s steeling himself for the inevitable. olivia’s acting is so heartbreaking. her facial acting from when she says “ricky that’s not ok” to when the camera is back on her after ricky’s lines is devastating. like it took her time to process this new information. her delivery of “i don’t like running away” is so hard to watch because yes she’s upset but she knows exactly where this conversation is going and you can see that. you can also see the ramp up to her trying to break up with ricky. also josh’s like thick swallow he does while he’s trying to hold back tears?? sir?? ouch. also them both saying i don’t want to hold you back and nini saying can i just hold you now? BIG OUCH. and ricky trying desperately to comfort her. it’s always been nini and ricky and then they broke up the first time. it wasn’t mutual and ricky assumed it was a pause and not a break up so there wasn’t the magnitude of the loss on both sides. but now they’re at a place where they are both agreeing to let each other go and they’re having to make a mature decision to let the other grow before they can be nini and ricky again is so sad. they’re saying goodbye to a decade of who they were together. ricky taking off the necklace and nini crying harder is so DEVASTATING. also the “goodbye nini” is so significant. he’s letting her go to be the best version of herself because her identity is so wrapped up in who she is with ricky. he’s literally saying goodbye to nini so she can be nina (metaphorically and a bit literally) and just watching nini cry harder is big ouch. i won’t say too much about how this scene might be related to josh and olivia as people because it’s none of my business but i will say that this scene was acted so well by both of them and you can tell that it comes from their own personal experiences which makes this so much harder to watch. i could spend 100k words just analyzing the emotions and the different subtle acting choices that are in this that really makes this scene incredible but i’m not tryna make a novel here. additionally this really adds to my theory about ricky being the metaphorical beast. this is kind of at a turning point in BATB where the beast lets been go to save her father but in this case nini is trying to save herself and become a better version of nini. this is also the point in the movie when you can REALLY see belle’s love for beast so i’m interested in seeing what they decide to do next with rini.

howie’s singing?? PERFECT. he really had a glee moment but i will allow it because it’s just so damn good. EJ cover gina up so she can sleep more comfortably is so sweet and also shows how their relationship is progressing. they’re helping each other in little ways but sometimes those are the most important. red and ash starting to be on the same page?? amazing. a main part of relationships is trying to understand one another and learn what is important to each other. and i think ash getting the shirt is a good representation of her starting to understand red. good for EJ for telling his dad that he isn’t going to duke. GOOD FOR HIM. red and ricky’s hug BROKE ME. ricky isn’t outright sobbing when he walks into the room and he’s not saying anything but red knows. he knows just from ricky’s body language that he’s distraught (friendship goals). red’s hold on ricky is so tight and strong which is literally everything ricky needs right now. also the reoccurring theme of ricky hugging a pillow while he’s upset is something so special to me. red’s little pat on ricky’s leg says a lot about their friendship. no words have to be spoken for them to be there for each other and comfort each other. nini reminiscing and then looking at her insta? nini 2.0 anyone?? or should i say nina?

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[clementineesotsm]

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH EP 16, My Appreciation and How It Made Me Feel

JTE now back to Korea after the reset. You know i loved thought out small detail right? We can see the photo on JTE id card is back to the origin, no tied hair and navy jacket. Please see it.

Everything was back in order, she lives in a same old world with a same old activities but where Gon and KSJ doesnt exist. This was so heartbreaking. Esp when she remembers how Gon was always there to come to her.

And next we got a glimpse of her team leader story about his loneliness. Many people think this scene was unnecessary but since the writer wants to make closure for everyone she need to made this. Also to clear some misunderstanding. Because for me i thought he is one of LR minion before 🤣 and also maybe to show that our leads live in a world full of people who practice kindness. Hence why all of them has this stoic quality. Im fine though. They are kind of cute.

Also the side effect of the reset was JTE see Gon doppelganger on the street walking pass through her just like that.

And also they shows us Gon WAS ON THE WAY TO CROSS ALL UNIVERSE TO SEE JTE. But since there are so many universe he need to open many door before finding his way to her. I can say, JEONG TAE RA was mood! Im a tera byte!

Then suddenly on 1 night in 2021, a year later. Nari calls JTE to inform her that her father buys a horse and that someone was standing next to it. JTE are rushing home to see HIM. This is so emotional. I loved how they make the meeting also parallel to eps 1. With JTE put on the sirene - the rest was history. The disbelief in JTE face, the relief in Gon face, the words, the music, the KISS! Im glad they find each other again 🥺🥺

Back to Corea, apparently JY also has his memory. So at the end yoyo boy keep the memory of 3 person involved in making things right. I suppose as a gift? Thank you yoyo boy. I almost had heart attack when Gon said to JY about twins haha i thought it was Gon’s, but no its JY siblings and he name it after Eunbi Kkabi. Im so soft for him. And we can see Luna and KHM also the revelation of cctv record that Gon saw in eps 9(?), 27 May 2022. Also Luna future is to become police/good guy because she is adopted by GSR mom. So both are siblings 🤣🤣 i like that. Also i like we got to see Kim Biso becoming guard of GSR in prison. Fate it is. Like what the whole story was all about.

So the flute when in a whole, had a lot more fun. It allows our couple to travel through time and universe. They choose always universe that did not have them as doppelganger. So most of the time they travel to past. But since there are no rule now inside the gate, they cannot choose where they may end up and just follow the fate. How i really loved this insight. Relating it to real life, we never knew where we go and which door led us to. But if we just follow the destiny it definitely bring us to the right time and place. Eventually.

At 1 time they got back to Kingdom of Corea at the same time, dates. I loved Lady Noh now, very sneaky 🤣 also JY and MSA actually flirting/dating 💕💕 and the iconic cctv room KISS!!!

I appreciate they show us how both lovers still pretty much doing a good job in their respective universe. JTE with her team and Gon doing his King work. Its shows how equal they are. And we got to see Secretary Mo as the new PM. And the fact they touches the working mother issue was everything i want to see!

And to hear Gon iconic line for the last time makes me emotional. It was the last time we can hear him introducing himself 😭 the cinematography was amazing and can make you feel the sadness of saying goodbye to this characters. Not only Gon but also JTE.

Then last scene! Both arrive in the past i think around 1960(?). Both travel together, doing all the things they skipped, just smiling, laughing, be happy, until they old. Seriously this ending was great. Quoted their last words “no matter what kind of a door opens before us in life and even if the moments we share makes us sad at times, i wish to love tirelessly. Just like that, we decides to love the fate that chose us. Just today and only today. Forever” then we got to see them hands still holding until they got old and DREAM song!! It was all just to beautiful. So apparently this series was touching much about being stoic and carpediem - brb crying until years after -

How it made me feel:

What a roller coaster ride. This series made me laugh, cry, grin, angry and warm. At first 1-6 episode it will left you uncertain about what they want to do with it, but 7-16 all become darker and darker, better and better. Im impressed by the script, the characters, the development, the acting, the cinematography, the directing, the editing (it has it flaws but it gets better anyway), everything. Im a bit emotional in writing this because it feels like im saying goodbye to them when i dont feel like it yet. Also i need to thank them because of them i saw something beautiful and they basically save me from a devastated year of 2020. No matter how this world treated this art badly, this remains masterpiece.

“Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge”

[horrorstreet]

Soulmates Surprise

Request: BRAHMS ,,, i need ,., stinky wall boy thirst or ill combust please im begging you

Request sent in by: Anon

Summary: In a world where soulmates injuries appear on the others skin, you feel the pain of Brahms burn at a young age and live your life the best you can. When you get a nanny job at the Heelshire mansion, things take an unexpected turn and Brahms gets the biggest surprise of his life.

Brahms x reader

Warnings: Angst, burns, scars, blood, bullying.

Quick Note!: I had this sitting here for the longest time and didn’t feel great about it but I tried to make it better. So so so so so sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoy!

Almost everyone is born with a soulmate. Some are born without that special connection to someone their souls are tied to. While most would say that it was a curse to not find the person who would bring you happiness, some would call it a blessing. It happened not too long ago that people began to receive soulmates and no one knew where this strange change was coming from. Scientists still scramble for a reason for what caused the strange connection that tethers two people together and it has yet to be discovered, remaining a mystery to all. In this world, when one is connected with a soulmate, any injury that their partner receives will appear on their soulmate's body and the pain carries along with it and there is no finding to prove a way to prevent this. On the bright side, when one finds their soulmate, all of those injuries and the pain that comes along with it disappear. Almost as if time erases the marks it has made on that person leaving them spotless.

You were born in perfect health, a happy baby, and your parents thought you were just precious. All was well and your parents were convinced you would live a happy and safe life up until your 8th birthday. You had been enjoying our 8th birthday, happy to be growing up and getting presents and eating cake when it took a turn for the worst. Little did you know that it would be the last day of your “normal” life. It wasn't long after you turned 8 that something felt strange to you. You were playing in your room with all of your new gifts and toys when you suddenly felt suffocated. The air you inhaled felt  thick and you began to cough. You had dropped everything you were holding to the floor, bringing your hands up to your neck and started coughing harder and harder trying to breath in the perfectly clean air around you. You parents ran into your room hearing your struggle and tried patting you on the back, not aware of what was going on. Your coughing started to mix with horrifying screams as you felt a serious burning cover your neck. It was the worst pain you had experienced so far in your life and the day your parents feared had finally come. Your hands desperately clawed at your own face, peeling off the skin which was seemingly melting away around your right eye while your parents tried to stop you from doing any further damage but it was too far gone to save any skin now. 

After the first wave of pain hit you, your parents rushed you to the hospital as fast as they could, not caring for anything else going on around them. It was common for a hospital to be full, soulmate injuries happening all the time. It was actually the most common place to meet your other half but this was not your case at all and wouldn't be for a very long time. Doctors and nurses rushed you into the emergency room, alerting the workers of what had happened to you and successfully catching the attention of everyone around you including waiting patients. When others around you had seen your melted face, many vomited right then and there while others shied away from the sight, close to adding to the mess of puke already on the floor. The nurses' faces went pale as they looked over your injury and you began screaming again, feeling a horrible pressure press up against your burn. Your soulmate must be trying to fix their own burn on their own because the pressure felt a lot like a small hand pressed up against the side of your face, making the burning sensation even worse. The nurses' eyes dripped with tears from the sight of the terribly injured child before them but quickly collected themselves like they were taught to and knew that they had to get themselves under control for your sake and to make you feel better and heal as fast as you could. You cried out for your parents as you were taken away by a doctor and her nurses around her. “Everything is going to be ok.” They promised you. “It will all be better soon.” But the scar the incident left behind would only bring you more pain than you ever would have expected. 

Upon waking up, you were unable to see out of your right eye and began to panic. “Mommy! Daddy! … Mommy!!” You screamed out, thrashing around in your hospital bed. Nurses quickly rushed into the room and held you down to prevent you from messing with your face for a second time, worrying that they were too late. Another ran in and stopped when she saw the heartbreaking scene and slowly walked over to you. “My dear, you are going to have to calm down. You are hurting yourself.” She instructed, taking your small hand in hers. “Mommy?” You hiccuped, your face wet with tears. “No, darling. They will be back soon.” She told you, giving you a sad smile. You took a small shaky breath, tears still falling down your face and nodded to her, curling your small hand into a fist in her hold, slowly pulling away. “Why can’t I see?” You whimpered, reaching a hand up to touch whatever was keeping you from seeing. “No,no! Don’t touch it! You have a wrap over your face to help you get better ok? You won’t be able to see for awhile.” She explained. “Oh…” Was all you could think to say and laid back down with your face pointed at the ceiling. A few of the nurses left your hospital room while others stayed to check your vitals which did startle you. Who were these people and where were your parents? All you wanted was your parents. 

It wasn’t until the next day did your wish come true. Your parents rushed into your room to see you and your mother crumbled into your father's side in tears. You recognize your father standing in the door and reached out for him. “Hello, princess …” He smiled at you, taking your hand. “Daddy!” You giggled, wincing at the sharp pain that shot through the injured half of your face. “Yes, hello! How are you feeling?” He asked you, gently brushing your hair out of your face. Your mother cleaned the tears off of her face and smiled at you, taking your other hand. “I can’t see.” You told them, looking over at your mother. “What?” You mom asked, her face dropping. “My eye is covered. They said it was going to make me feel better!” You happily explained to her with the part of your smile that wasn't covered. “Oh… dear, you frightened me …” She sighed, a hand resting on her chest. “I'm sorry, mommy.” You apologized, squeezing her hand. “Oh! Dear, no! You are perfectly fine!” She chuckled, running her thumb over your hand. Your smile returned to your face after hearing your mother's words and you told them about all of the nice nurses that had been helping you while they were gone. They were pleased to hear about how well things went and made sure to thank all nurses and doctors that helped their daughter recover. You went home with the bandage still on your face which meant you would need your parents help getting around and taking care of the injury but you weren't complaining. 

Your parents loving looks towards you never changed unlike those around you. As you healed, you were able to remove your bandage from off of your eye and you were absolutely happy to be able to see everything from your right eye again. Your skin felt like it was tugging at the side of your face and everything felt so rough to you. The first time you looked into the mirror after the incident, you almost didn’t recognize the reflection staring back at you. Your hair was untouched and so was your eye but the skin on the right half of your face was red and scarred and you feared yourself for the longest time. Your parents explained to you that nothing had changed about you as a person, your face just healed the best it could and tried its best to return to its original look. They made you feel proud of your appearance and body but others did the opposite. 

“Ew! What happened to your face!” They would point and laugh and grimace and when you tried to tell them what your parents had told you, they completely broke you apart. Unfortunately for them, you weren’t one to take insults like that. You shot back 10 times harder and let your young voice be heard. It happened all the time but you had already accepted yourself and what had happened so any negative comments people would throw your way would do absolutely nothing to you and only made you feel more and more confident in yourself. “They don’t know what it’s like and that’s ok. I am beautiful.” You encourage yourself with your head held high. 

_______

“Good luck and we love you.” Your mother sniffled. “Please, don’t cry, mother! I will be back soon. I will visit as much as I can.” You told her, taking her hands. “I know, I know. But you’re just so far away.” She wiped her tears away, reminding you of that day in the hospital. “You stay out of trouble, now.” Your father smiled, bringing you into a hug. “I can’t promise anything.” You chuckled. Your father shook his head and let you go and you took a deep breath. “Bye mom … dad.” You waved, trying your hardest not to cry. “Goodbye, dear. We love you.” Your mom waved back, standing at her husband's side. “I love you guys more. Goodbye.” Your mom shook her head and continued to wave as the car you got in drove off down the road, the figure of your parents getting smaller and smaller. 

When you were too far to see them anymore, you moved out of the window and sat down. “Quite the goodbye.” The driver said, looking at you through the mirror. “The hardest.” You replied, looking down at your bag. It was silent for a while till the driver spoke up but not without hesitation. “I know this may be rude …. But I was wondering what is on your face?” He asked, glancing at you through the mirror every other second, most likely examining your mask. You were silent, thinking of how to answer his question this time around when he spoke up. “I'm sorry… I shouldn’t have asked …” He apologized, scratching his stubble covered chin. “No, no. It’s ok. Uhm, when I was younger, I got a pretty nasty burn. It bothered people a lot so I figured I would wear a mask. Makes it easier for me and them.” You told him, reaching under your mask to itch your scars which he noticed. “Is it uncomfortable?” He asked again, not bothering to look back at you again. “Yeah,” You sighed. “It gets on my nerves a lot.” You said to him, pulling your mask back into place. “You don’t have to wear it here. I'm not one to judge.” He smiled. “Are you sure?” You asked, reaching up to take the mask off. He nodded his head and looked back at the road to focus on driving and you thanked him. You smiled and removed the mask from your face, undoing the straps and putting it in your bag. 

_______

“Here we are. You sure you don’t want me to drive you all the way up there?” He asked, turning around to look at you, not flinching away at your scar covered face at all. “I'm alright. Thank you so much. You really do have a kind soul, sir.” You said while pulling your bags out of the car. “Well, thank you too. And hey, as much as people might get in your hair because of the way you look, you keep moving forward. You're a strong kid. I can tell.” You nodded at him and waved goodbye as he drove off back to the main road. You walked through the large open gates and up the gravel path to the large house that awaited you. 

“Uhm …” 

Knock 

Knock

You hit the door with your knuckles and waited for someone to open the door. You jumped out of your skin when you heard the door open, its old hinges screeching against each other. “Hello?” You called out, walking through the door. “My name is (y/n). I'm the nanny?” You raised a brow and set your things down on the couch by the door and looked around. You wandered around the house, peeking into every room to get a feel for the place when you stumbled across a neat, typed out sheet of rules that sat right next to a porcelain doll.  “Brahms?” You picked the doll up and held it out in front of you, really questioning if this is what you came all this way for. “Oh my god. What did I just get myself into.” You mumbled to yourself. “Ms (L/n) I presume?” A voice greeted from behind you. You gasped and carefully laid the doll down on its side to turn around. An older lady stood at the bedroom door with a smile on her face, waiting for your reply. “Mrs. Heelshire. I am so, so sorry. The door just opened … on its own? So I walked in but no one was there.” You explained to her in a flustered manner. “No worries, it must have been Brahms that opened the door. I'm surprised he did that.” She gestured to the doll. You gave out a few laughs before looking at her face and realizing she was serious. You cleared your throat and looked down at your feet and back up to her. “I am glad you have already had the chance to meet and hold Brahms. He really does seem to like you.” Mrs. Heelshire shrugged. “Oh, yes. He is a very lovely boy.” You nodded which made her smile. “I'm glad to hear that. Me and my husband are leaving tonight so I figured I would explain everything to you before we left.” Mrs. Heelshire said while walking over to the doll and picking it up off of its side to sit it back up. 

_______

“Goodbye.” You closed the door behind the two and let out a long breath. “Oh my god. Oh my god. What the hell.” You panicked, looking around the large house. You were about to enter the kitchen when you heard a door slam shut, making you yelp. “Hello! Who’s there!” You shouted out, grabbing a large knife to protect yourself with. Another door slammed shut behind you making you scream and run up to your room with the knife held tightly in your right hand. “Brahms! If this is you!” You shakily called out to the boy. “Play with me.” A young boy's voice called out to you. The adrenaline racing throughout your body made your heart pump and brought tears to your eyes. “Ok. I'm coming.” You took a deep breath and put the knife down, making the decision to play it safe in case there were to be an actual child running around the long halls of the large mansion. You walked into Brahms’s bedroom and slowly walked over to the doll sitting on the bed. You looked around to see if there was an actual child hiding somewhere nearby but when you found nothing, you quickly looked back over to the doll. “You wanna play?” You asked the doll, picking it up and resting it on your hip. “Well, that isn’t on the list, so.” You scolded him, picking the paper up off the covers and reading over it. 

You started with his lessons, sitting him by you while you struggled to play the piano. After about an hour of that, you picked Brahms up and carried him to a large chair that you pulled in front of your own seat. You picked up a poem book and began to read to him loud and clear for as long as needed and played his music. You walked around the house with Brahms to clean the place up, dusting, wiping things down, sweeping and mopping everything you could while swaying to the sound of the song playing in the background. When the music stopped, you left Brahms to put everything away. When you came back, Brahms was no longer sitting where he once was and you felt your heart pounding in your chest. “Brahms?” You yelled, quickly walking all throughout the house trying to find where he went off too. “I'm sorry. I forgot about the rule to never leave you alone.” You apologized to him once you found him looking out the glass doors that lead to a balcony on the top floor. You picked him up and looked outside at the green trees surrounding the place. It was warm enough that you wouldn’t want to layer up during the daytime so you figured it would be nice to take him to the balcony. 

Lifting the latch to the door, you pulled them open to let in the fresh outside air. “Nice, isn’t it.” You smiled walking forward to lean on the railing with Brahms still in your arms but you weren't expecting the railing underneath you to be so weak and crumble apart when you put your weight on it and you fell forward. The broken stone stabbed into your stomach as you fell down to the ground, trying to curl your body to keep Brahms safe but you were too late in catching yourself and began to fall off of the balcony. You let out a very loud scream as you fell off the platform, throwing Brahms behind you so he didn’t fall down with you. You had thought that you had met your end until you felt a large hand grip the back of your shirt and prevent you from falling all the way to the ground from the top floor. The person behind you grabbed your leg and pulled you back onto the balcony, hugging you close. You were about to scream out for the stranger to let you go but felt a warm feeling flow throughout your body. Your burns marks began to disappear and the scratches and stab wound closed up and the dark blood that stained your clothing was the only proof left that it had actually happened. 

Brahms felt the change as well and let you go so he could back away to reach his hand under his mask to feel his face. It felt smooth under his touch for once and he was startled. What have you done? Where were his scars? He snapped his head up to look at you and you quickly stood up to run off. You didn’t catch him speed off until he was already through the doors, the doll in his hand. “Wait! Hold on!” You called after him, quickly getting up and pulling your mask off of your face to let it fall to the ground. You had abandoned it with the broken stones that made up the railing of the balcony and left the doors open as well. You sprinted after him, catching his sleeve in the process and pulled as hard as you could. Brahms stumbled back and wrapped his hand around your neck, lifting you up before slamming you into the ground. Your head collided with the hardwood floor of the house leaving you dizzy and causing Brahms to feel the same. He loosened his grip on your throat and waited for the throbbing in the back of his head to stop before looking back at you. When he felt his airway closing up as he held his large hand down on your throat, it finally hit him. “Soulmate.” A deeper voice whispered. His hand lifted off of your neck allowing you to take a deep breath of air and pulled you back into his lap. 

The doll was discarded by a decorative chair by the both of you and his new free hand came over to wrap itself around your body. He held you as close as he could, his mask getting in the way of him pressing his face into your hair. He removed his mask without a second thought and nuzzled his face into your neck. He had never felt this type of calm before. It was new to him and it made his heart beat fast and his skin tingle. You tried moving away from the man holding you but his grip on you only got tighter. He found his other half and there was no way he was letting you go now. “You’re my soulmate.” You whispered, trying to comprehend everything that was happening. You closed your eyes and leaned back into Brahms chest and felt a feeling that you had never felt before. 

Love

You felt at home in his arms. You didn’t care if it was in the snow, in the heat, or in the dirt. Wherever he was, was where your home would be. He felt the need to be closer to you than possible and just held you there, enjoying the time he was sharing with you. “(Y/n)...” The low voice spoke just above a whisper. Hearing him speak made you want to cry a river of tears of joy. His voice was like a sweet melody in your ears, so soft and soothing and you could listen to it all day long. You could listen to it for the rest of your life.

[gaylonelydyke]

if it’s not too late, 12 for episodes and ships, and 17!

its never too late! thankyou for the ask 🥰 oo damn this is gonna be a hefty one, just to prepare you this is gonna be long 😅😅😅

spoiler alert for my friends who are finishing up season 2 rn, be careful if you look at my top five episodes, pay attention the the episode numbers, i will put [ ] in bold at the beginning and end of spoilers!

12. Top 5 ships

5. faith x myself because have you seen faith? shes such a babe! spare consensual kiss maam?

4. willow x oz, i dont know if this is an unpopular or not but i feel like if the 90s had been more accepting of term then willow wouldve been bisexual, but like even now tv shows will rarely let characters say that word :( but anyway i love them! theyre both quirky and kinda awkward but its such a sweet relationship and you really see how they go from awkward crushes to an actual deep relationship, oz is one of my favourite characters too what a dude!

3. giles x jenny, mlmxwlw solidarity in this bisexual couple! there is no an ounce of straight between them and i love it, i love their dynamic, i love that giles *respects women* (im staring daggers at xander rn), also the original girlboss x malewife couple askdjaksjhd

2. drusilla x spike, these two!!!!!! once again a bisexual couple with zero straight between them, the vibes are off the charts. sexy vampires, goth x punk love, i just love them man, and their relationship is so interesting to delve into. like theyre vampires, theyre soulless and yet they have a capacity for love, they care deeply for eachother, theyre so tender towards eachother in season 2 in the way they take turns to care for one another, also drusilla picking spike up with one hand made me gay and thats on that

1. willow x tara!!!!! lesbians man lesbians! they have a beautiful relationship, until a certain point wink wink, they feel like a perfect match, willows become more outgoing due to buffy and xander snd having a proper group of friends, so its cool to see her as the more outgoing independant one in the relationship, and tara is such a honey 🥺 the biggest sweetheart in the world what a babe!!!! also like how groundbreaking was their relationship? as a queer couple, they had p much the dame amount of screentime as a aueer relationship today! and willow says the word lesbian so many times and is always making gay jokes which is something shows today are too scared to do, its honestly refreshing which is weird for a show in the 90/00s

12. Top 5 episodes

this is so hard because its such a damn good show so i had to rlly be picky about this but here we go

5. 6x22 ‘grave’- i watched buffy for the first time last year at work coz i worked with one other person just packing shit, and THIS was the episode that made us cry infront of eachother. the scene with willow and xander at the end is one of my all time favourite scenes and like legit we were watching and we starting going like ha.. this is so sad Q_Q and we looked at eachother and we were both crying akdjdjsjdhs its SO GOOD, like this is a friendship ive been so invested in and [seeing xander be able to pull her back from that dark place was so heart wrenching and amazing god its so good]

4. 3x12 ‘helpless’ - im finishing up s2 in my rewatch rn so i havent rewatched this one to double check but i remember loving it man. buffys father daughter relationship with giles is my favourite of the whole show they make my heart ache, so i love that this is an episode that really shows you how dedicated giles is to her, [its the breaking point where he finally disregards the fact that hes a watcher and acts as her father once and for all, its a turning point for their relationship where he is finally embracing the fact that shes like a daughter to him and i just love to see it Q_Q get you a dad who will leave his lifes calling for you]

3. 4x22 ‘restless’ - season 4 is interesting coz it has really good episodes and them some gd awful ones 😂😂 but this one just blew me away, i love a good character study episode and this is THE SHIT! its so weird and creepy but in the most perfect way, its not on the nose its so subtle, it feels like an uncanny valley version of buffy almost, i like that they finished the season first and then took this episode to do something out of the box and different i feel like it lets them fully explore this idea without the pressure of needing plot included. [also the cheese man is iconic. dont however like xander being all nasty with willow and tara but whats new there man]

2. 1x12 ‘The Prophecy Girl’ - for my first watch of buffy i wasnt that into the first season, like i enjoyed it but i didnt think it was anything super special? but this episode changed EVERYTHING for me. up until now buffy had been fun, witty, charming, but not anything new atleast for me, maybe in the 90s it was but right now its your average teen supernatural show. but this episode!!!! the emotion! buffy facing her death, her speech about how shes just 16 and shes scared and she doesnt want to die, that is what i wanna see!! its heartbreaking and it made me cry, and then it gives us the wonderful moment of giles trying to take her place and buffy realising that she has to be the one to do it, man its so good! basically anything with buffy and giles being a duo is gonna make it an automatic yes from me and this is indeed the case for this episode, i just love that the show remembers that shes a child! shes not brave all the time, shes not strong all the time, shes just doing her best and sometimes its overwhelming, 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 i bow to this episode

1. 2x17 ‘passion’ - i know i just sang praises about prophecy girl but THIS EPISODE IS THE SHIT, the best episode full stop. i wont accept any argument. angel is probably my favourite big bad, its so funny to see plain bread, mopey brooding angel become this charismatic, funny, poetic, blood thirsty angelus, hes everything i want in a villain and in this episode he delivers! rip jenny tho love her. i think the tension built around angel is so good, because of his drawings and notes left around, every scene youre worrying like is he here now? are they safe or what? its so tense! and also it is me and im a slag for buffy x giles father daughter moments and this episode fucking delivers! giles discovering jennys dead body is probably one of the best scenes on the show, the dramatic irony is heAVY, we know jenny is dead, we know that these flowers arent from her, but giles is so so happy, and i want to see him happy but you just know somehing horrific is about to happen and damn does it. its a masterpiece! i love jenny and giles so much it is so sad, but also the fact that it gave us that scene makes me almmmoost ok with it? i also love the moment where giles breaks down in buffys arms, hes been there for her and now shes returning the favour and hes accepting it i just 😭😭😭 also on a different note, angels narration of this episode is amazing! it gives us great insight to who he is as “evil angel” and like even though hes awful i was also kind of rooting for him coz hes just such a great villain

sorry this is so long lmao, last question!

17. Which characer do you wish had less of a focus on them in the show?

i dont wanna get yelled at butttttt i dont like the amount of focus on dawn. i think it makes sense for the her first season considering the story arc but that season really does double down its focus onto dawn and buffy and it barely leaves room for anyone else to have a storyline, it keeps the episodes super depressing too its like a constant level of just sadness the whole time because we’re so stuck in THEIR arc, theres no room to balance it out and have a breather, some people might like that its more serious but i really really didnt like, i love episodes like prophecy girl where it is campy and brings the more emotional notes in when the time comes, but dawns whole arc is just constantly depressing the whole time i just hate it, and also just shes not a character i felt i could connect to because of how suddenly shes introduced, so its weird to have her SO focused on in the first half of that season coz we dont know her yet so i feel like the emotional moments dont land the way that they should? basically they shouldve eased us into dawn or introduced her differently and maybe i would like her enough to want the focus on her but i really just dont

adksjakjshd apologies for the essay this is, thanks for the ask!

[percedurza]

I HAVE ALREADY SPOKE ON LENGTH ABOUT THE PRINCE OF EGYPT BUT NOT THE WHOLE THING ONLY THE PLAGUES AND MOSTLY PASSOVER. I JUST WATCHED THE FULL MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS A KID IM GONNA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD. OKAY.

okay let me first say that i was in tears within the first ten minutes of the movie. deliver us was so powerful and heartbreaking i cried BEFORE THE TEN MINUTE MARK. yeah.

when moses' mother sang her final lullaby to her son and pushed him downstream in that (blessed and very fortunate) basket my heart hurt. i cried with her. that was the last time she would ever see her baby.

when his sister sang her prayer for her baby brother, wishing for him to come back to deliver them as well, that just drove the nail in harder.

in a later scene before the banquet you can hear moses humming that last lullaby and since deliver us was just maybe ten minutes prior you remember it and realize he really did keep that final song.

and the banquet oh yeah ramesses gets appointed this big title? and he names moses as the grand architect

and theres this captured hebrew lady brought in for ramesses but shes fierce (i would be too, she was captured and brought to the people she hates the most) and so ramesses orders her to be brought to moses' chambers instead

moses goes to his chambers and suprise! she escaped! moses chases after and sees her sneaking out with her camel and distracts some guards so she wont get caught and once the guards are gone he goes after her again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand

miriam (moses' sister) meeting him in the city streets and recognizing him, telling him he's her family and him shutting her down and calling her a slave.... it hurt. when she hums that lullaby and he RECOGNIZES and then rushes back home to have a dream about that day he was sent away (in beautiful animation designed to look like the hieroglyphs on his wall) its all so painful to watch him be forced out of nowhere to realize his life is a LIE because hes not a true prince of egypt, he's born of the slaves, and then his father the pharaoh justifies the order to slaughter innocent babies by saying "they were just slaves" and OUGH

moses kills a man. unintentional but he killed a man while trying to stop him from beating a slave. oops.

he cant live with this so he runs away into the desert. theres this scene where he collapses to the ground and sheds all of the jewelry and adornments from his life as royalty but as he takes off the ring ramesses gives him, he looks at it. and slowly puts it back on. because no matter what, he still loves his brother, and he always will.

moses falls into a well. yeah. chases off some ruffians and then basically faints and falls in. these girls the ruffians were harassing started pulling him out and SURPRISE SURPRISE the captured lady from the banquet is there and she drops him back in when she recognizes him and walks away all smug and her name is tzipporah! just an fyi (very pretty name love it)

moses basically gets adopted into the group of hebrews and moses says something about not ever having done anything of worth and so tzipporah's father jethro sings a little tune to him!

through heavens eyes is a masterpiece. i really dont know what else to say also i want jethro to be my dad hes so nice

aaanyway moses and tzipporah get married during the through heavens eyes montage! i just think thats nice

OKAY now juicy stuff the BURNING BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the scene in which moses encounter the burning bush and god.

god claims that he has seen his people (the hebrew slaves) suffering and cannot stand for it any longer, so he wishes to send moses as a sort of ambassador of god

and moses doesnt think hes worthy of being god's messenger, which god quickly shuts up by pointing out how he's kind of, like, GOD

and he teaches moses those big old words, "LET MY PEOPLE GO" wahoo!!!!!!

he rushes home to tell tzipporah, and shes like "but ur just one dude" and hes like "well i kinda have to also the hebrews are suffering in slavery so :////"

tzipporah and moses head on over to meet ramesses and theyre all excited to see each other and then moses is like "behold the power of god!!!!!!" and his staff becomes a snake. pretty gnarly if i do say so myself

and then the high priests are like "ok" and start basically performing and rapping the names of the egyptian gods at moses in response i really dont know how to describe it but its basically a whole lotta smoke and mirrors. not actual miracles

moses talks to ramesses and asks him to let his people go, and instead doubles the slave's workload. the slaves basically hate moses now because yeah he technically is the reason theyre getting pushed harder and even his own brother aaron seems to loathe him. miriam talks to moses and he sees ramesses' ship gliding down the nile nearby

he calls out to ramesses and he just sends his guards after him. and so moses brings the staff down and turns the river to blood.

THEN THE REST OF THE PLAGUES ENSUE!!!

theres this specific part of the plagues scene in which ramesses stands between two statues of egyptian gods and glances at them as if to ask why the fuck arent they doing anything about the LITERAL hellfire and general havoc being brought down on the city. just thought that was a really cool detail.

AND OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH passover. i really shouldnt get excited about talking about an event that killed a whole heck ton of kids but its like fnaf at this point who cares ANYWAY THE DEAD KIDS

i already talked about the passover scene but what i didnt include (i think) is how when god's spirit or whatever idk enters the palace, it passes over a statue of ramesses and you just think, oh fuck wait RAMESSES HAD A SON.

and sure enough, that son is dead. moses walks in as ramesses pulls a sheet over his sons dead body and ramesses finally, after all of the plagues, tells moses he can take the hebrews and leave.

as moses walks away you can see ramesses glare at moses because he may have said he was done but. hes not. of course.

moses and the hebrews are leaving with yet another beautiful musical sequence (when you believe) and you can see the hordes of former slaves walking to the sea.

AAND just like i said RAMESSES WASNT FINISHED! he brings a whole bunch of soldiers on horseback and chases the hebrews, and god literally rains fire on them again this time in the form of a flaming tornado that sweeps across the sand, making a big old wall of fire that the egyptian soldiers cant get through

which gives moses the time to do the famous parting of the sea. he brings that staff down in the water and DOES GODS WONDERS!!! yay!!!

watching them walk on the seabed was beautiful. with some lightning strikes you could see the silhouette of some kind of shark swimming in the water (looked it up there are sometimes whale sharks in the red sea this is accurate)

and the fire tornado recedes into the earth, the fire fades, the soldiers chase on at ramesses' orders. the water sweeps them away just as the hebrews make it to the other side and it later cuts back to ramesses, alone on the rocky shore, screaming out at moses. hes completely alone, soldiers presumably dead, and no family to speak of. his side of the sea is cloudy and gloomy, still stormy, but when it jumps back to the hebrews in celebration, the sun shines bright and happy. the hebrews are free.

the movie ends with moses walking down the mountain sinai, ten commandments in hand, while the last snippet of deliver us plays once again.

only one other movie has evoked this much of this kind of emotion in me.(the one movie is klaus LMAO klaus made me ugly cry) there was not a single second of watching this that i didnt have goosebumps.

the movie itself just looks pretty. all of the characters have unique and neat designs. (its also nice to see a movie with only poc in it like im just saying)

the musical scores and numbers are so expertly made. my favorite has to be deliver us but through heavens eyes is a very close second. through heavens eyes made me feel better about myself, in a way. the entire movie was like some healing experience.

all in all, this is an S tier movie, and i BEG BEG BEG anyone who hasn't seen it to watch it. just pirate it or something (i did lol watched it on an illegal streaming site)

if you're not religious and havent seen it, think of it as a chance to learn more about abrahamic faiths. if you are religious and havent seen it, well hey! here you go!!

[jeonchan26]

Love Me Not(Park Jimin)

Theme; Angst

Warnings; Heartbreak, Saddness. Super Low Self-Esteem. 

Summary; You are used to the heartbreak. Why did you think this time was going to be different?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Jimin, What are you doing here?” You opened the door and were surprise to see your boyfriend of 3 years on the other side. Don’t get it wrong you were happy to see him but usually he tells you before hand he is coming over. Due to his idol life.

“Hey babe, I’m sorry I just pop out of nowhere” Jimin said walking into your house, to the living room and sitting down on the couch.

“I don’t mind. We haven’t seen each other in weeks. I’m glad you are here. I miss you so much” you rod him while snuggling close to him. You love Jimin, he was your everything. After years of heartbreak you finally found the one you were going to spend the rest of your life with.

You felt Jimin stiff next you when you went to give him a kiss, with a confused look you asked, “Everything okay Jimin?” 

You noticed how Jimin was looking anywhere but you. He was playing with his hands. You knew what it meant you have dealt with it in the pass, you felt your heart dropped to you stomach and you took in a deep breath preparing yourself for what is about to come. 

“I’m sorry (y/n), you know I never wanted to hurt you right?” Jimin finally looked up at you. You saw it in his eyes, the guilt, the shame, the hurt every single emotion. You looked down at your hands scared to for the next words that were going to come out sooner or later.

You heard Jimin sigh, “I think we should break up.” 

There it was. You were surprise that you even heard him, it was such a low whisper that you thought your mind was playing tricks on you. 

“Oh umm, why? Did I do something wrong?” You asked looking at your hands covering your face, scared to show him the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes.

“No, of course not.” Jimin took your hands in his, you love the feeling of his hands on yours. They felt like they belong there but once again you were left broken. 

“I just, I just think it would be for the best. You know I love you but umm. I’m so sorry. I have to be honest with you.” You heard him say. Here is the moment of truth.

“I found someone else” There it was, you were so used to those words but coming from Jimin just broke whatever strength you had left.

“Oh, I see.” You whisper, wiping your tears. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you (y/n). I just happened. I didn’t cheat on you before you start thinking I did. I still love and care about you, but it isn’t the same anymore. We barely see each other and with my job it just makes it harder. She was there when I needed someone and I knew that I couldn’t keep doing this to you. Hurting you was never ever my intention.” 

At this point you were crying, covering your face with your hands. You thought Jimin was the one for you, finally after every heartbreak you went through, Jimin was your happily ever after. 

“Please say something” Jimin was trying to get you to look at him but you couldn’t. 

You took a deep breath and wiped your tears, you looked up at him and you noticed the tears slipping from his eyes. You wiped them away, “I’m really sorry (y/n) I never wanted to hurt you” He said. looking at you with shame all over his face. He was the reason you were hurting.

“It’s okay Jimin, I’m used to it. You aren’t the first guy to walk out on me. Ha I should of seen it coming though. You are this big idol and I’m just a regular girl that just graduated community college. Why would you be with someone like me? You aren’t the first guy, every guys I dated or was interested in sooner or later left me for someone way better. Ha I thought this time it was different but who am I kidding I would never be good enough for you” Your heart was hurting, you felt like someone was stabbing it. 

Jimin looked torn as soon as those words left your mouth, he knew about your past and how insecure you were about your relationship with him. He did the one thing he promised he would never do because you were it for him. He never picture falling for the new girl working at BigHit. 

“Does she make you happy?” You asked looking at your hands. 

“Umm, yea” you heard him say.

“Oh okay then...I will pack my things and leave”

“No, you can stay here. This is more your home than it ever was mine.” It’s like every word coming out of his mouth was tearing you apart. 

“Umm maybe just until I can go back to the (y/h/t). There’s nothing for me here anyways.” You said getting up from the couch walking to the other side of the room staring at your picture with him. You guys looked so happy, you chuckled taking a deep breath you looked back him.

“i’m glad your happy, I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you. But I do wish you the best” You said.

“You are more than enough (y/n). Don’t ever think you weren’t because you are the most amazing girl I have ever met. You are caring, loving, beautiful just everything a guy would die for-” 

“But yet I wasn’t enough for you or anybody else in my past. Someone better always comes in and takes away what I love the most. There must be something wrong with me” You cut him off.

“(y/n)-” Jimin sigh trying to pull you close to him. 

“No Jimin, its okay really. Like I said I’m used to it, you aren’t the first guy to break up with me for that reason. I think you should go, she is probably waiting for you. I wish you the best Jimin, I swear I am so happy for you. Seeing you happy is enough for me. Please lock the door on your way out.” You place a kiss on his cheek, tears streaming down his eyes.

You walked away to your now room, and locked the door sliding down bringing your knees to your chest. Crying your eyes out you heard the door open and close. You knew Jimin left and now you were officially alone, broken and ashamed that you couldn’t be enough for him. 

Days passed and you finally decided to get out and get some fresh air. being stuck in the house was suffocating everything reminding you of him. You missed him but you knew that he was happy with someone else. You went to the park and sat down on the bench with your music playing on full blast. You were watching the people walk past you laughing and enjoying their life while you were hurting inside. 

You took a deep breath and looked down at your hands thinking of how shitty your life became to be. Taking another deep breath you looked up again only to caught a sight you weren’t ready to see, at least not yet.

There he was laughing and holding hands with his new girl. His friends smile and messing around him just having a good time. You and Jimin could never make your relationship public and seeing him with her in the opened, happy was stab to your heart. You dated Jimin for three years and not once where you allowed to make it public with him. It has only been a few days that he left you and is now holding hands with another girl showing her off to the world. 

“Was he ashamed of you? Is that why he left you because you weren’t good enough for him? Fuck why does it hurt so much?” You thought.

You saw they were walking your direction, you got up quickly and start to walk fast trying to get away before they saw you. You knew that they wouldn’t care if they saw you. It’s been days and none of the boys have texted or call to ask how you were but why would they? They were Jimin’s friends not yours. 

You were trying to get a away from them that you didn’t notice a group of guys walking towards you, bumping into you dumping one of the guys coffee all over you. 

“WTF! CAN’T YOU WATCH WERE YOU GOING YOU STUPID BITCH!” The guys that had his coffee spilled all over you screamed at you trying to wipe away some that landed on him. 

“Oh My God Im so sorry! I didn’t noticed where I was going.” You told him trying to clean him off a bit but he pushed you off him. At this point everybody was staring at the scene infront of them including Jimin and his friends. His girlfriend had left during the time you were running away.

“Don’t fucking touch me you stupid girl. Don’t you see what you have done. You got coffee all over my clothes! You better pay for this!” He said glaring at you. Compared to him he only had a few small drops on his jacket, you on the other hand were cover from head to toe in coffee. 

“I’m really sorry! It was an accident. I swear I’ll pay for the dry cleaning!” You told him looking down at your hands.

 “You’re worthless piece of shit. How can you be so stupid. What goes in that stupid head of yours.” The guys said while poking you on your head. 

You just took in whatever he told you, there was not point on fighting with him. No matter how many times you apologize it wasn’t enough for the guy. You felt his poking stopped when you looked up you saw a very angry Jimin grabbing his hand and glaring at the guy and his friends.

 “Is that any way to treat a lady?” Jimin said through his teeth. The rest of the members were behind him glaring at the guys. Jimin pushed his hand away from your head. 

“This isn’t any of your business man.” The guys said dusting off his coat.

“The moment you laid your hand on her in a public space it became my business.” Jimin said stepping in front of you. 

“Whatever man, she is just a worthless girl. Why do you care?” He said folding his arms across his chest. 

“Man you sure have a mouth on you don’t you. Just get out of here before we do something we regret.” You heard Jungkook said standing next to you. The guys looked at you one last time before walking away. You finally let go of the breath you didn’t know you were holding. 

“(y/n) are you okay?” Jimin asked turning to face you. You looked at the rest of the members them looking at you with pity before your eyes landed on Jimin. 

“Oh umm yea, thank you! I should go” You tried walking away, Jimin got a hold of your wrist holding you back. 

“(y/n) wait” Jimin said looking at you noticing how skinnier and paler you have gotten in only a few days. “Are you taking care of yourself?” 

You pulled away from him, pulling your wrist close to you. “I’m fine Jimin, you don’t have to worry about me” 

“You know I still care about you.” He whispered only for you and the members to hear. 

“Don’t okay? I’m fine. I’m not your concerned anymore.”  You said while looking at him with teary eyes. You hated yourself for being so weak when it came to him. 

“(y/n)” You cut him off. “Just stop okay, stop acting like you care about me. You don’t, thank you standing up for me but I’m fine. I don’t need you. Please excuse me” You said finally walking away from him, running towards your house. You knew it was a mistake to leave your house. 

Should I Make Part 2? What do you guys think?

Sorry for the Angst, I’m an angst person lol But I won’t lie I teared up a bit writing this story. We all know out boys are sweet angels, this is just a made up story. 

[writeroutoftime]

march fic recommendations

hello! so I think we all know that sometimes we don’t appreciate writers as much as we should here on tumblr. they are amazing people that write some wonderful stories for us (for free) and they put a lot of time and effort into doing so. to honor that, each month, I’m going to be posting a fic rec list with a whole bunch of stories I have recently read and loved, and that I want to share with you all. and if you find some you like? let that author know their work is appreciated!! (let’s all support authors more!)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Hold My Girl by @captain-ariel-barnes - this one HURTS let me just tell you. it is absolutely beautiful and does a wonderful job at not only portraying bucky, but also the feeling that I'm sure a lot of couples who were split up because of wwii felt. like I said this story is amazing but it left me crying and my heart hurting - in the best way possible! 

Soft by @chillingbucky - oh my goodness did this story hit home for me. for the most part, I’ve been pretty confident with my body but also have wanted to change to boost that confidence even more and then felt worse when I didn’t stick through with my new plan.this story perfectly encapsulates those feelings and it nearly brought me to tears over how incredible bucky was at comforting the reader. when I read this it was the first story I read that day and it put me in such a great mindset!!

Lifelong Love Song Series by @suz-123 - even though this is not a bucky x reader (it’s an oc), this story is beautiful and the way it portrays bucky just feels so right and so spot on. there is fluff, angst, hurt, comfort, love, everything in this story. you should definitely read this series! 

The House by @softlybarnes - ahhhh!! that is what I have to say for this story because it is so darn cute! bucky just makes me swoon (as always) and there is a great relationship between him and the reader! also, now I really want to fall in love and buy a fixer-upper house with the guy I marry. overall, if you want something fluffy that is extremely well written, this is one of those stories. 

Truth Hurts by @ussgallifreyfics - this story is so different than other fics that tackle this same topic, but it the best way possible! the beginning hurts, but slowly bucky starts to come into the story and it is so sweet. not only that, but there is a lot of power from within the reader, which is AWESOME! heck yeah we can rescue ourselves (but if Bucky wants to help as well, I won’t be mad lol)

Lemon Pie Series by @nacho-bucky - I have reread this series like three times already, and it is just perfection! not only do we get 40′s bucky, but we get a HAPPY BUCKY WHO SURVIVES THE WAR AND GETS TO START A FAMILY! Each chapter/snippet is just so beautifully written, and I get pulled into the story each and ever time. bucky just makes me want to swoon, and if I don’t find someone who treats me the way bucky treats the reader in this series, I do not what I will do. but, this and all cait’s stories are amazing so please go read this, it will make your day! 

Thomas Shelby x Reader

If Only You Knew by @im-not-looking-for-forgiveness - while this is technically a tommy x reader story, it really focuses on the friendship between the reader and lizzie stark, which I absolutely loved! it is such a healthy change to see lizzie portrayed in a nice way instead of a bitch as she often is written in stories. we love girls supporting girls, which is this story! 

My Dear Charlie by @kadwrites -again, another story that is technically tommy x reader, but focuses on a different relationship, and this time it is between the reader and charlie! what I love about this story is, it highlights the love that one can feel for a child that isn’t biologically theirs, which is just a reminder of how important it is to show our love to others and to demonstrate our appreciation to those who do love us. also, I love that this story focuses on an older charlie, which is something I haven’t really seen yet. 

Matches by @rhxegals - now this one really does focus on tommy and the reader, and I adore it! we get to see the reader confront tommy and I love when the reader is his equal in the sense that neither of them stand for being lied to or being left out of things. not only that, but we also see a more vulnerable side of tommy, and we get to understand his protective side a bit more which I am also a fan of! 

this drabble by @connerkennt - it is short and sweet but powerful! it really shows (again) how protective tommy is over those he loves and I adore protective tommy! (alfie also plays a role in this drabble, which is always a plus!)

John Shelby x Reader

Something Unexplained by @justauthoring - man do I love john shelby, and if you do too, this is the story for you. just the way that olivia describes how john loves the reader makes my heart absolutely gush! I don’t want to spoil anything, so you just have to read it! (and there are so many other wonderful stories on this blog to check out after you finish this one!)

Steve Rogers x Reader 

Beauty and the Beast AU by @kayteewritessteve - I am so so glad I found this story when I did so that I can include it on this list! au’s are some of my favorite stories to read/write, and the fact that this is beauty and the beast and mob!steve is absolutely amazing!! kaytee does such a wonderful job with drawing you into the story and really making you feel the power and emotions of the scene! only the first few chapters are up now, but they are great! 

Peter Parker x Reader 

Moving On by @midtownpetey -  my goodness, this one really hits right in the feels! I was tearing up throughout this entire story, because it is so beautifully written and really highlights the process of moving on when losing a loved one. it is not a graphic story, but the healing aspect, learning to move on when you feel like you can’t, that’s really what got me! 

Harry Potter x Reader

Under the Stars by @lvmosity - this story is just pure fluff and it’s an actually harry potter story, which I feel like is so rare here on tumblr. anyway, I love how it’s just the reader and the golden trio worried about getting dates for the yule ball! there’s no underlying threat, just teens being teens, and harry being adorably awkward!

Scott Lang x Reader

Blue Dresses and Daises by @mypassionsarenysins - I just want to take this moment to appreciate the heck out of this story because it is absolutely amazing! not only is it a scott lang story (who is severely underappreciated! which why? he’s a dork and it’s paul rudd!) but this story is just filled with so much love that it makes me so happy and smiley. definitely a good one if you’re feeling down or you just want something extra fluffy!

Bonnie Gold x Reader 

Ring Girl by @blinder-secrets - okay so I recently just got into bonnie gold stories, and man am I glad I did because this one is wonderful! bonnie is just so cute but he is also so protective over the reader, and it makes my heart swell! I love when you can feel how intense a relationship is through writing, and that’s what this is. 

Roger Taylor x Reader

Hold Me Close Before I Go by @queenrogah - sobbing, just pure sobbing! well first of all, this story is slightly inspired by the song ‘so close’ from enchanted and I LOVE that song, so I was hooked from the beginning. but this story is very angsty but also mixes together so beautiful to tell this story of lost love between roger and the reader. it combines the past and the present so well, that truly tugs at your heartstrings for an emotional roller-coaster that is so worth it!

Long Distance by @dreamer821 - alright this is super long, but I promise it is so worth reading!! from the beginning, I was hooked and I got to witness this amazing story and all the love there is between roger and the reader. there is a bit of smut in this story, but the whole story really goes to show how powerful love is even when two people aren’t always near each other. it’s one of those stories that can restore your faith in love!

Laurie Laurence x Reader

Lost Love by @lotsoffandomimagines - ever since I saw little women in theaters, I have been looking for a laurie story, and this is the first one I found. oh my goodness, it is AMAZING, and I truly hope that there is a second part. but this story just draws you in and makes you fall for laurie, then comes there with that ending! I know I’m not describing this as best as I could, but trust me, the writing is beautiful and it wonderfully emotional. go read it! (also the gif of laurie is perfect!)

What I Wished I Said by @lillie-writes - do you want an angsty laurie story? well, here you go! this story is the form of the letter, and it made me tear up by the time I reached the end. it is so simple, but so heartbreaking. you can just feel how much laurie loves the reader and how much he wants to apologize, and I just wanted to find a way to hug him and comfort him. you will not be disappointed with this story! 

Ransom Drysdale x Reader (Knives Out)

this drabble by @terry-perry- oh my goodness!! alright, first, I love knives out, and second, I love chris evans as ransom drysdale in that movie even though he is an asshole. however, this drabble does a wonderful job at showing a different side of ransom and how dedicated he and the reader are to their relationship!

Haunted by @et-lesailes = this is such a powerful story! now there is a trigger warning for this one so please be mindful of that but this story does a wonderful job at tackling such a difficult topic and how sometimes opening to another person can be exactly what you did. (and we also get to see more soft, non-asshole ransom which is always great!)

[ladyxxdaydream]

Of course feel free to ignore this if its stepping boundaries. And if it is im sorry!! Im processing heartbreak of my own (3 years and it ended abruptly last summer) so I feel for you when you talk about yours (though I know yours was longer, im sorry). I actually found NATA a bit after and it seriously helped me through some of the toughest times, I kid you not. And then I'll Fall did as well and then all your others lol. And through falling in love with them I fell back into this fandom and back in love with writing and back in love with loving, honestly?? Despite the pain, those stories kinda made me a romantic lol. I was so hurt (still hurt) but I dunno.. they helped me really wanna do better, get better, strive for more. They helped me not give up on love and not close myself off which I always used to do. Ahh I dunno, I just wanted to let you know that your work has been a big comfort to me. And again if I overstepped, im really sorry!

I read this hours ago, and then re-read it several times, and then sent it to two of my friends, all while crying. I am so, so touched. this is probably one of the sweetest, most amazing things anyone has ever said to me.

i’m going to put the rest of my response under a cut because its gonna be long and your vulnerability is something i want to meet equally.

listen. when i first read this... i wanted to be bitter. bitter because I’ll Fall and NATA are directly influenced by my eight marriage that just ended; those are the only two fics I’ve written that are connected to my relationship, and ironically (or maybe not lol) my most popular and well loved stories. I’ll Fall is the story of how my partner and I met -- some of those scenes are directly lifted from my life -- and so much of myself and my wife are written inside Iruka and Kakashi in NATA, chronicling how our relationship grew over time. Of course, those stories are heavily embellished and transformed into a plot but my point is... reading that they helped you not give up and love, both broke my heart and healed me all at once.

I remember when my relationship ended, NATA was not yet complete, and I had this horrible moment where I thought: “if the seed that directly inspired them ended, then they also need to end.” I LITERALLY CONTEMPLATED DIVORCING THEM. But I am not a horrible person lmaoooo and of course they are a completely different entity than my marriage -- they were inspired by each other, not one in the same.

Even though that was my first reaction to your ask, it quickly faded away. Because... I find it absolutely beautiful and so incredible that my stories made you not give up on love, and to not close yourself off, and help you move on or let go. Because while my love (and your love) ended... it doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. It existed. It was real. And it was beautiful. And then it ended. And that’s okay. Love isn’t finite. And it comes in so many forms. And every variation of it is unique and special. Love will come again. It’ll come many times. Even if it’s not in the form of a person--love is everywhere, and everything.

And you know, writing that final chapter for NATA, a few months after my break up, was actually cathartic. I thought it would feel like a lie, but it didn’t. Writing them reminded me of how beautiful love can be, and I’m really grateful for it. I, too, learned a lot from them. They also served as my coping mechanism so to speak, providing me comfort and security. And I am beyond humbled and thrilled to know it served someone else in the same way.

It’s still hard for me to even comprehend, to be honest; the fact that those two fics inspire such emotional responses from people. But I think the reason people have responded to NATA and I’ll Fall so strongly, is because I laid myself bare. All my vulnerabilities and insecurities, and flaws, and heartbreak (in i’ll fall) are written all over it, as well as my experiences with love, which i’ve been blessed with richly, despite what may have happened. People always say to write what you know, and I guess I took that very literally lmao

anyway. i hope things get easier for you, if they haven’t already. i’m... five months? post-separation and still very much raw. and i gotta say... experiencing a break up during the pandemic is extra hard and weird. our friends cant hold us while we cry. we cant go out dancing or to a bar or do anything even remotely social that might help us ease us down that river of moving on, or give us that feeling of being newly single? idk?  it makes an isolating experience even MORE isolating. and has made the finality seem less real somehow? like ... sometimes i feel like im just waiting to get back together... even though i know thats not going to happen... i dont know if thats just my experience but...fuck.

i think my only advice is just... let yourself feel it. my biggest tool is meditation and trying to stay present. my favorite set of mantras recently is very simple -- each word corresponds with an inhale / exhale:

in/out

deep/slow

calm/ease

smile/release

present moment/wonderful moment.

And this quote by Louise Erdich:

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”   

And this poem by Buddy Wakefield, which might seem like an odd thing to watch while heartbroken but shrug??? lmao it’s a tear-jerking but also a real honest show of love at it’s finest.

And music. Music has always been a balm for my soul. Or cracked me open. Sometimes I need to be cracked open. Crying is the best medicine.

Suit of Armor by Danika Smith

going thru by christian alexander

holy by jamila woods

chin up by yoke lore

conversation by lucy rose

plus a zillion more.

ANYWAY, anon. I’m here for you. And my stories will always be there for you, whenever you need them. 💖 sending all of my love!!!!!!!

[iknownowmerlin]

merlin rewatch - 1x11: the labyrinth of gedref

a series of posts in which i record my thoughts and reactions as i properly watch all of bbc’s merlin for the very first time 😊

another great episode, one where i learn that i apparently have a lot of feelings about the beach scene. like, more than i would have thought

merlin looks so scared hunting im love him

merlin’s face looking at the unicorn is my face every time i look at him

not the last time we’ll see merlin trying to save a magical creature

merlin apologizes to the unicorn 😢

“it was the most beautiful creature i’d ever seen” toxic masculinity whom

i love that merlin’s disappointed in arthur for taking pleasure in killing the unicorn, that he expects better from him

i need to make a gif compilation of people walking in on merlin and arthur being far closer to each other than they need to be

of course it’s magic gaius

“it would be embarrassing to have to lock up my own servant for breaking the curfew” arthur doesn’t suspect merlin for a goddamn second

merlin not understanding hand signals is hilarious

digging anhora’s vibe

the gall on merlin. no one else can talk to arthur like that

this episode highlights the fact that merlin really is quite rubbish as a servant and i’m living for it 

merlin really does spend the vast majority of his time with arthur huh

“then it’s probably best you don’t tell him” merlin spurring arthur to sneak around his father’s back,, there’s just something about it

when you think for a second that gwen and morgana are sneaking food away for themselves but actually they’re trying to feed the people who need it most 😭

likewise, arthur not wanting to eat while his people are starving is just 🥺

because you KNOW uther is out there eating more than his share because he’s the king or whatever bs

merlin’s little nod when arthur asks if he’s eating rat 😂

arthur there is no need to stand so close to him!!

morgana walking in, one more for that gif set

you can tell evan’s hitting home by taunting arthur with uther’s disappointment in him 😢

still think anhora’s total unphazedness is wicked cool

to be fair to arthur, this test doesn’t feel on par with the first. mostly bc i’d argue that the dude deserved some punishment. but like yeah arthur sorta loses it

his complete anguish however at his people being punished because of him is touching and heartbreaking

merlin recognizes this love for his people in arthur

“i would rather starve than beg my enemies for help” yeah but you’re not the one starving huh uther

“you’ll have to give that order yourself” hell yeah arthur!!

is uther seriously trying to blame this on arthur for not catching the sorcerer?? catch him yourself you fuckwad

i like that anhora’s willing to talk to merlin in a way he isn’t willing to talk to arthur

“i trust him with my life” and you’re right to :’’)

anhora’s literally giving arthur another chance bc he knows he’s witnessing true love

arthur and merlin being protective of each other,, my weakness 

why do i like anhora so much is this a popular opinion

oh dear that vine cgi was cringe

the entire beach scene is so much i’m gonna cry in anticipation

arthur already trying to save merlin from the get go

arthur literally does not hesitate at all about him having to be the one to die

“i had no idea you were so keen to die for me” 😭😭😭

^^ that fucking line though because listEN arthur says it in an almost jokey tone but he means it. we already know that merlin would 100% die for arthur but arthur doesn’t, not yet. the closest thing he saw was in the poisoned chalice but even then merlin was drinking that poison under orders of the king. this time merlin is completely going out of his way to make sure that if it comes down to a death, it’s his and not arthur’s, and arthur has never witnessed this before

AND that line/this entire situation means so much especially in this episode where their relationship has been shown to be insults and quips and complaining about each other and this just proves that underneath all that they care about each other

I’M GLAD YOU’RE HERE MERLIN

ARthur says this not because merlin’s helping, not because he wants him to take his place, not because he thinks merlin can save him, but because he’s probably going to die and he’s glad merlin will be there with him when it happens fucK me

i have more to say about the rest of this scene but i don’t have time to make my thoughts coherent and type them all out, just know that i’m crying

only with these two would it be even remotely relevant for a goddamn prince to say to his servant ‘oh you know me, i never listen to you’

the similarities between this scene of arthur “dying” and the one in 5x13 are striking (oh what’s that? i made a handy dandy gif set demonstrating this? 😇)

fucking anhora, we stan

“he has proven what is truly in his heart” what did i tell you camelot will be saved because these two idiots are in love

also i’m obsessed with merlin looking down at arthur and slowly and softly smiling, if there hadn’t been a fade out that moment would have been so heavily giffed

hey here’s a missing scene i’d love to see. what went on between that and merlin and arthur arriving to camelot. how did arthur react when he woke up? how did he pick up from ‘i just willingly drank poison to save your life’ give me that fic

holy shit i just realized. arthur just willingly drank poison to save merlin’s life. sound familiar anyone?

i was so caught up in the merthur i literally forgot about the unicorn for a second

well today i learned that apparently i have a lot of feelings about this episode and the beach scene in particular so that’s good to know

[la-paritalienne]

Eve!!!! Need your thoughts about Taylor's album!!!! 💓💓💓💓💓💓

i love getting asked :”(((((( :”))))))) thank uuuuuuuu. let’s get to it. as usual, it’s an almost-first impression (normally i write my basic thoughts during the first listen – yeah i’d started doing it before getting this, you know, just in case – and then i review them w a second one, where i also select my favourite passage). sooo, let’s go

♡♡♡♡

the 1 — such sweet yet heartbreaking lyrics... very soft sound, if it sets the mood for the album im 100 per cent in! This one didn’t stick w me after one listen, but after the second i was like wooow! I love how she says waking up alone ughhh. 8

fave lyrics: persist and resist the temptation to ask you / if one thing had been different / would everything be different today?

cardigan — !!!!!!! the sound has that bittersweet something that gets under your skin and makes you nostalgic for something you can’t even pinpoint. it reminds me of the softest lana, especially in nfr (eg bartender!!). i’m in awe. instant obsession!!!! the ending takes you to another plane of existence – ‘cause i knew everything when i was young... i knew you’d miss me... you’d come back to me. also i’m crying. 10+

[it’s hard to choose bc the whole song reads like poetry but i’m especially obsessed w] giving me your weekends; once in twenty lifetimes; tried to change the ending / peter losing wendy; you drew stars around my scars

the last great american dynasty — storytelling on pointttt and sound, too! telling the story of someone she bought her house from?? the genius jumped out. she paints it like a romantic portrait, mad woman pacing on the shore, but then also gatsbian, the crazy parties, dali... and then takes it back to today w the key lime green dog, idk, iconic. i want to know this woman. this song truly takes you somewhere else, i thought it was a bit repetitive but then the bridge came in and the final vocals plus i had a marvelous time ruining everything, i have to stan! 8+

there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen / she had a marvelous time ruining everything

exile — ok wow, bon iver’s voice is something else!!!! i was kind of ignorant when it came to him, i admit. his depth and rasp paired with how angelic she sounds... heavenly. sound-wise, but also thematically, this vaguely reminds me of tomorrow never came w lana and sean ono lennon. (one of my fave songs of all time maybe?). the way they enunciate i think i’ve seen this film before is literally a work of art all in itself, not to mention – well i’m mentioning it bc it’s worth it! – the you never gave a warning sign vs the way she goes over it w i gave so many signs. god this makes me feel sooooo sad and like, involved. it’s so beautiful. 10

you’re not my homeland anymore / so what am i defending now?

my tears ricochet — ok wtfffff??? everything about this speaks to my soul. the airy voice, the way she sets the scene... sunlit room, the funeral metaphor, you turned into your worst fears. i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace speaks to me more than anything, but just, everything about the lyrics. truly something else, cursing my name / wishing i stayed gives me chills everytime she says it. the beat that gets more insistent towards the end, with the bridge....... the high notes that then fade..... just wow. 10

and i can go anywhere i want / anywhere i want, just not home / and you can aim for my heart, go for blood / but you would still miss me in your bones / and i still talk to you when i’m screaming at the sky / and when you can’t sleep at night you hear my stolen lullabies

mirrorball — love the lyrics, maybe a bit less the sound? i mean i do love the sound, so far i’m loving how softly produced and coherent this album is, but this one i wouldn’t listen to on repeat and maybe there’s something a bit whiny that i don’t love. powerful meaning tho, and who’d use a mirrorball as a metaphor for feeling like you’re fragile, trying too hard to be a people-pleaser and no one sees the real you? 7

i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me

seven — ah........ i started crying as soon as this one started, pleeease picture me in the trees, i hit my peak at seven....... like ok there’s no need to go that hard??? it’s so dreamy and like... naïf? in a perfect way. the way she says i still got love for you...... and everything else... she mentions folk songs... the purest love described in the purest way. i don’t think i have enough words to descrive the way this song moves me. like i want to listen to it again and again, to be able to feel like that again, but also i’m almost scared to listen bc it touches me too deeply. i still will tho hehe. 10+ (also just realised this is track 7 ok makes sense but my mind is blown. 100)

[this is literally deeper than a shakespeare sonnet so everything literally is my fave but, having to choose] and i’ve been meaning to tell you / i think your house is haunted / your dad is always mad and that must be why / and i think you should come live with me / and we can be pirates / then you won’t have to cry / or hide in the closet / and just like a folk song / our love will be passed on

august — i love the contrast between the lighthearted, happy singing and guitars and the sad lyrics. the story it tells is so simple and yet there’s so much poetry in that... plus it reminds me of fearless or even speak now?? which are like. the taylor that gets to my heart, tbh. the bridge and the outro made the song for me. 8,5

for me, it was enough / to live for the hope of it all / canceled plans just in case you’d call

this is me trying — oh god... lyrically this song is so raw and honest, it gives me chills! i do have to say, i don’t love how she says i just wanted to know (like metrically?? idk, im weird) but these are really just small comments on amazing songs, bc i feel like all i’m saying is wow this is great, lyrics and sound, but it truly is a complete and consistent work of art, easily listened to top to bottom each time. 8-

they told me all of my cages were mental / so got wasted like all my potential / and my words shoot to kill when i’m mad / i have a lot of regrets about that

illicit affairs — ok this goes without saying but i love storyteller taylor, it’s the taylor i grew up loving and singing to in my room. the thing about most of these songs, this one included, is that they probably grow on you after a few listens, bc they’re not made to be catchy, the production and backgrounds are always very soft and some i love more than others. this one musically maybe isn’t my fave but the narration is on point, and the bridge?? the fuckkkk. plus it has one of mt favourite themes ever which is so rarely spoken about, which is the fact that language you only speak w a particular someone you love, makes you miss them even more when they’re gone. or well not exactly this but i can’t put it into words, she did tho. 8+

you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else / and you know damn well / for you, i would ruin myself / a million little times

invisible string — the color theme!!! the guitar strumming!!! and the idea of an invisible tie w someone special... i do think she outdid herself w this album. again, not my fave soundwise, maybe slightly whiny when she goes meEeeEee? but, lyrically adorable and moving. 7,5

one single thread of gold / tied me to you

mad woman — maam...... this is iconic shit........ how could she say stuff like this w such a dreamy, breathy voice. musically i get huuuge lana’a nfr vibes again (which i mean. goals) but i also adore that lyrically it’s so taylor, no one would say this shit the way she does. adore how she sings to wrap your news around and bonus for women like hunting witches too, i do love me a nod to the fact that some women are so deeply filled w machism that they’re basically men in disguise. 8,5 

every time you call me crazy, i get more crazy / what about that? / and when you say i seem angry, i get more angry [isn’t this just womanhood condensed in a few lines]

epiphany — aw! it sounds like a lullaby, maybe it’s slightly ‘boring’ for my taste? meaning i get distracted which is surely a shame bc the words seem beautiful, but it’s so soft i just drift off? but reading the lyrics – for focus hehe – i’m moved. 7+

only twenty minutes to sleep / but you dream of some epiphany / just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you’ve seen

betty — okay byeeeeeeeeee. this is taylor at her finest! countryyyyyyyy, storytelling, lesbian jdjdfk no yeah I know I knowww, romance went sour. gut wrenching and beautiful, this feels like... watching a sad teen movie but w a sepia filter, idk. i dreamt of you all summer long oh my......... it’s like og taylor from her iconic first couple of albums came back but w all her baggage and growth and experience and better than ever. also why does taylor sing so wel about being in love w a woman????? well. 10+

betty, right now is the last time / i can dream about what happens when / you see my face again

peace — ..........yes yes yes. the high notes, the honesty, the syncopated parts where she says so much so quick and yet it still hits you. it’s not even a short song but it ends too soon, it goes by like that..... a poem. omg it just hit me this has flo vibes! especially from high as hope, for example grace or south london forever?? i mean... taylor doing alt folk country pop...... queen. give you my wild, give you a child?? ok ok. 10

all these people think love’s for show / but i would die for you in secret

hoax — weeeell the lana inspo jumped out w that piano!!!!! and like. mood. and lyrics...... this reminds me of wuthering heights or of lana’s tormented love stories (shades of blue.....). a powerful closer. poetry. 9

i am ash from your fire

♡♡♡♡

okkkkk this was a flattering review, very well deserved imo since the review is mine gjgjhkhk i agree w myself. thank you again and as i always say, feel free to come back w your comments! and have a great dayyyyy! much love

[husbandograveyard]

Hewwo Hazel uwu 🔫😀👾😭😜😳⏰😏🎆💓?

Hewwo Bas! The UwU is strong today  o(>ω<)o Thank you for your questions! 

🔫 - Fave canon arc? 

Thriller Bark. It made me laugh SO HARD. One piece is one of the few anime that genuinely makes me laugh out loud, usually im more of a “hmpft” blowing air out of my nose laught kinda gal, but one piece gave me a lot of joy and laughter, and mostly during thriller bark. Besides that, the fights and the general plot thickening and things coming together, and Zoro’s sacrifice all made this one of my top favorite archs! The pacing was very good as well, compared to, for example, Dressrosa. 

😀 - Most favorite Straw Hat?

aaaaaa don’t make me choose  This is very hard! The initial thought was Zoro because well it’s Zoro and most of his lines never fail to make me laugh. Robin is the one I admire most cause it’s the kind of lady idk if I wanna be her or be with her yknow? And Chopper also popped up because well.. he’s the absolute most adorable bean and I love him and his cuteness. 

I’m gonna conclude a tie between Zoro and Robin, and Chopper can be on their shoulders being adorable?   (´･ᴗ･ ` )

👾 - Fave villain?

Perona as far as she was an actual villain, her negative spooks are the best attack ever and no one can tell me otherwise. 

In terms of bigger antagonists, probably the Charlotte family? I’m counting them as one, just for now, since they are all super interesting and I like seeing them on screen more than ceasar or moria or doffy and 100000x more than friggin Blackbeard (Imagine me using the ‘dinkleberg voice’ whenever I say blackbeard).  Doffy is a good villain. But he makes me too mad so he only gets a flaminglemention and not the top spot ha. 

😭 - Saddest scene?

Just like one piece is the series that made me laugh he most, it’s also the one that made me cry the most. Almost embarrassingly much. I ugly sobbed for a few hours straight around Ace’s death. I was spoiled, I knew it was gonna happen, but I did not know how exactly, so ehm from impel down on, every scene they showed him I teared up at least. (oops).  BUT there was one other scene that made me cry a lot that I have to mention because I did not expect to cry for that moment. I knew about the time skip, I knew about the training, I knew they were gonna take some time off to get stronger. BUT I did not know how and when and the circumstances. The moment Kuma separated them, the agony and the helplessness. My heart. I could not take it. That was too sad. 

Honorable mentions for the Bellemere scene very early on and saying goodbye to merry. Just too many heartbreaking moments but I feel that’s what makes the series so nice, you need to get hurt sometimes in order to get more attached to characters. 

😜 - Funniest character?

Ehm. In terms of delivering hilarious one-liners and making me laugh while not actually being funny on purpose: Zoro. The dumb is too much and is hilarious. He says funny things while not being funny and there’s just too many peak comedy moments in him getting lost or ‘wanting to get made into a wax statue in this pose”. 

Luffy gets a mention in situational humor too because that dumbassery is hilarious as well. 

Other than that. Probably a tie between Usopp and Franky. It’s just so stupid, but the sheer simpleness of most of the humor makes it so easy to digest and look at! 

😳 - Any crushes?

Any? Many! ehm, to not make this answer a couple thousand words long, quickfire! Ace, he has the charisma, the feralness, the politeness and the freckles.  Shanks, he’s just the sweetest, sexiest mystery man who knows what his priorities are.  Sabo, all the feralness, less of the politeness, all of the cuteness. His smile can revive puppies.  Zoro: the Dumbassery, the muscles, the brutal honesty and that soff soff mossy hair.  Kid: again, the dumbassery, the rudeness while still caring for his bunch of misfits. I love me a good tulip.  Robin: The beauty, the grace, the humor, the fashion, the intellect. Again, dk if i want to be her or be with her.  Vivi: The courage, the love, the sweetness amongst the badassery, step on me princess.  Honorable mentions for Killer, A bunch of people showing up in Wano that I’ve only seen spoilers pop up for. And writing some character has had me reconsidering all the crushes all together. In conclusion: WHY IS EVERYONE IN ONE PIECE SO ATTRACTIVE??? safe for you Blackbeard honey, you could fall off a cliff and I’d applaud. 

⏰ - How long have you been into One Piece? 

Not that long at all. When I was 14? ish I started my anime journey. I watched 15-20? episodes of One Piece and hated it. Around that time one piece was somewhere in between 500-600 eps and I could not imagine ever catching up to that, especially since my strict parents limited my computer use to 3h a week. 

Then a friend really got into it I think about 5? years ago and kept talking about it and how it was actually good. I was starting to do an effort to watch all the ‘big’ and ‘must-see’ anime and promised myself I’d watch One Piece, eventually. 

Then this year at the end of October 2019 I actually started watching it. I had grown up a lot, and could now appreciate the anime way more for what it was? I fell in love and binged the entire thing in more or less six months with some small breaks in between for work, school, books, and other anime. Highly considering re-downloading so I can rewatch my favorite parts soon. My biggest problem is that once I love something, I go ALL IN and I will love everything about it and obsess. And thus this Tumblr was created as the hiatus started and I wanted something One Piece to keep me distracted. I eventually want to collect the manga but I now don’t have the space for it in my tiny room. 

😏 - Favorite scene? 

Sabo and Luffy reuniting! The reveal, the tears, the hug, and the ridiculousness of Luffy with the beard and all, just made it perfect. Absolutely loved it.

OH and Luffy punching the celestial dragon. The absolute energy in that scene made me grin like an idiot yet gave me goosebumps. Punch those slave-owning bitches luffy, thank you! 

🎆 - Something you can’t wait for??!! 

ALL of what is to come in Wano. I’ve been catching spoilers here and there and i just cannot wait! There’s gonna be so much reveals and new characters and comebacks and all the things I did not know I need in my life. 

And I would like some more reveals on Shanks and his crew since we literally know next to nothing about them, besides the fact that even the admirals seemed to be at least wary of their powers and I just really need to know. (or not, since mystery adds to the charm). 

I can’t wait for the abolishment of the government and the death/defeat of blackbeard (assuming that will happen at some point, a girl can dream). 

💓 - Which character do you relate to the most?

SO HARD. Hardest question. Ehm... Ace and Usopp I think? I struggle with family a lot, but I have a chosen family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I am hella insecure, but I try my best most of the time and I am extremely loyal, even though I have no particular talents, I try and help here and there and hopefully can make some people happy that way! 

If you read all the way through here, thank you for coming to my Ted talk! It was so long  („• ֊ •„) but it was also so much fun  (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[ellie-sande]

Euphoria- a dumb bitch’s HOT TAKE

Okay, so here’s the deal. I’m gonna do an analysis of the characters I think are the most interesting (read as fuck McKay, he boring as SHIIIITT), so this shit is gonna be looooong. Y’all better brace yourselves UwUUUU 🥺😝😩😈

The episode: I didn’t really feel a strong emotion towards it??? Like, it was definitely the sloppiest episode by far in terms of the way that everything was edited and the timeline of events. It was visually stimulating and literal poetic cinema, as always, but that’s nothing new with Euphoria. I think a lot of the jumps between characters and scenes were completely unnecessary and honestly kind of agitating?? Instead of leaving us with new unanswered questions, we have the same ones we’ve had the whole season? In my opinion, it would’ve been more effective for them to have fully closed some plot points or at least bring them to a point where I’m still interested (I’m looking at you, Nate and Jules plot). But like, overall it's still a pretty decent episode.  I think the ending was messy because we don’t know how much of it was just a music video and how much was legit part of the storyline which is a BIG DEAL. It just came after one of the best in the season, which made it feel significantly weaker. but tHat’S jUsT my oPINION 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Jules:

I think Jules is the biggest wildcard of the season, and we know so little about her, so it’s kind of difficult to understand what her intention is. I think that’s absolutely intentional by the writers because they want the audience in Rue’s head, y’know??? That’s my way of warning y’all that this shit is LONG  🤷🏾‍♀️

When Jules came clean about everything, she was doing what she thought was best for the relationship, which is open communication. She could tell that her not telling Rue about Nate was ruining the relationship (she said so in ep. 7). There was never malicious intent in her telling Rue about her hookup and Nate. She was just doing what she thought was right, and tbh??? IM PROUD OF THAT DUMBASS. One of her biggest issues is definitely effective and open communication and this is definitely a step in the right direction, y’know??

THAT BEING SAID, when I first watched the episode, I thought that her and Anna still flirting or whatevah and being iN loVE was out of character and went against the arc that I was expecting from Jules. BUUUUUT, I thought about it and here’s my take: I think that Jules just wants to be free from the external pressures in east highland, y’know? This whole entire season, her character did not get a fucking BREAK so I totally understand. There’s so much responsibility and pressure for her to be perfect or act a certain way, and for her, running away was the easiest way for her to disassociate herself from that responsibility. No 17 yr old should feel like the weight of the world and the safety of the people that she loves are on her shoulders. My bby @lameparty made an amazing point in our chat about how all of her actions (being more “free” and open about her issues with rue) are futile attempts at replicating the liberation and nonchalant-ness she felt while she was away. It’s her way of desperately (and unhealthily) bringing home that atmosphere.

i’ve seen a lot of people assume that jules is fully aware of her power over rue and takes advantage of it, uses her, and leaves her before she needs her next fix of attention, but i totally don’t agree??? i think that for the most part, jules has been emotionally supportive of rue and has been there for her when she needed her. i mean she did that LITERALLY EVERY EPISODE EXCEPT FOR 6+7 (for good reason. the bitch was going through the mOST). she never wanted or intended for rue to form a dependency on her, she just wanted her best friend to be sober and thrive because her mom was an addict and that ruined her adolescence (for obvious reasons). so when the people around her kept pressuring her with the weight of rue’s sobriety, she freaked out a bit (and for good reason. no one should be anyone’s sole reason to do literally ANYTHING). she knew that regardless of the severity of her actions, rue’s relapse was inevitable if the relationship continued on like that (i mean, in ep. 5, the bitch said WHEN you hate me, not if because she knows that in rue’s current mental state, a relapse, miscommunication, or a wrong step on jules’s side is inevitable). PLUS, jules is an extremely volatile person. her first instinct is to physically and emotionally escape whenever the going gets tough, so i think she knew that this probably couldn’t work.

Moreover, the bitch is embracing her queerness and as much as I don’t really looooveeee how she’s doing it, it makes sense with her character. I think she uses sex as an escape and a form of validation, so of course this is how she’s going to explore her sexuality. She just wants to be free and have fun and be adventurous atm and the whole Nate thing  + being in her first relationship is not IT for her rn and that’s totally fair. That being said, I think her arc is gonna be about her accepting that freedom isn’t just sex and drugs??? It’s way more than that and comes in different (and way healthier) ways, but that’s what growing is. It’s learning from mistakes and figuring out what you like, so I can’t really be mad at her.

BUUUUUTTTT, my bitch said/did some things that i can’t stand by. she said that she loved rue at the train station, knowing that rue is weak for her and would probably give in and come with her on this wild adventure. that is FUCKING PROBLEMATIC. and prior to that, the bitch said that she THOUGHT THAT RUE WOULD THRIVE IN THE ENVIRONMENT THAT SHE WAS IN. WHAT??? as much as i believe that she had good intentions and she really just wanted to explore the world with her girl, that doesn’t negate the fact that it’s still manipulative at worst, inconsiderate at best, and problematic considering the dynamic that the two of them have. i get that she genuinely wants rue to meet her new friends and anna, but all in all, it’s so reckless for her to even consider it. she’s aware that rue is a recovering addict and she was willing to put her in a toxic environment where she would be surrounded by drugs and alcohol, making a relapse literally SO EASY. and on top of that, jules knows that she’s probably going to hook up with anna and considering that rue is so in love with jules, that would’ve hurt her soooo much, enough for her to probably want to numb the pain, y’know??? but all in all, that’s what growing up is. it’s two steps forward and one step back, y’know? even though jules is starting to see the beauty in honest communication and queerness, she did try to manipulate rue, even if that wasn’t necessarily her intention. 

I think that Anna replaces Jules’s older, non-committal man to pine over. She never really fixed her problem of trying to find validation from the wrong people, it’s just expressing itself in a different form. It’s obvious that Anna is significantly older than her (peep the message that Anna sent about being shocked that Jules is in high school) and I think that just like a lot of people her age, she feels special or validated when she’s liked by someone older and more experienced. The relationship is obviously supposed to be a type of foil to her previous relationship with cis white men. Add the fact that there are facets of Anna’s personality that remind Jules of Rue, the gal that Jules is falling for, which makes them the perfect person for Jules to pine over because the relationship is something that she’s used to (texting, non-committal, toxic).

In summary, I think she loves the idea of Anna (independent, older, experienced, free spirited, and fun) but loves rue regardless of the fact that she doesn’t/can’t provide those things for her. I think that jules also associates Anna with adventure and discovery and as the young ambitious bitch that she is, it obviously is an attractive idea for her y’know??? for her, i think rue is the stability, monogamy and commitment that she might not be ready for yet, even tho she loves rue and wants a future with her. Her relationship with Rue is hard work and maybe a bit heartbreaking, but overall, the connection is stronger and the passion and commitment that she’ll give and receive will make the relationship way more fulfilling than whatever half-assed thing she’ll have with Anna.  Next season, she’ll probably come back either heartbroken, unfulfilled or still in love with Rue, but the question is should rue take her back or nah y’know?? She’ll definitely be pining for Rue when she gets back and rue may not be available or willing anymore. We’ll seeeeeeeee.

Rue:

My bitch is in PAIIINNN and I hate it. I think that her saying no to leaving with Jules even if a big part of her wanted to run away with her is amazing progress for her. She finally chose her family and herself first, not Jules, which will break her dependence on Jules. Like, I’m SOOOOO proud of her and she’s come so far as a character. I’m not sure as to where the music video starts and the season ends, but I have two theories. Either she: never actually snorted that line of coke and we’ll see her progress next season OR she overdosed and came back to life. The fact that the song ended so abruptly means that the season will probably start right where it left off. Unless told otherwise tho, the show ends with her crying and remembering her family and all the shit she’s put them through because that’s a waaayyy more interesting arc (EDIT: JACOB SAID THAT RUE’S DEFINITELY ALIVE!!! I KEEP WINNING FR!!! MY! MIND!) She’s no longer a selfish addict with no reason to live. She’s seeing that the people around her, even without Jules there, support her and have been by her side through the most and maybe that’s good enough atm.

Lexi:

against popular opinion, i don’t necessarily think that the big reveal of her sexuality is that she’s a lesbian. to ME, it seems like they’re setting up that she’s ace and probs bi or homo-romantic??? the average sexual person knows who they want to fuck or kiss, and the fact that she has to ask for advice from her sister I think is foreshadowing that she doesn’t know. Not because she’s shy or because she’s a lesbian, but because she truly just doesn’t want to fuck anyone. and if that’s the case i’m SO EXCITED TF??? i’ve never seen that type of character arc on mainstream media and it’s sooo necessary to show that story in a positive light. i think that the show is waaayyy too intentional and clever to not give proper hints at her liking rue. If they were setting up her and rue, they should’ve done more to portray the pining on Lexi’s side. they’ve set up more of a longing for friendship and comfort than anything else and tbh???? that’s wayyy more interesting and relatable for me??? but that’s my opinion 🤷🏾‍♀️

That being said, i could see her and rue together next season bc the foreshadowing is sooo vague that they can do whatever the fuck they want next season. maude and zendaya need to work on their chemistry then bc iTS NOT CLICKING. i definitely think that rue is going to use her tho, which isn’t fair to lexi. additionally, lexi is a bit too soft to stand her ground with rue, and if rue goes down the relapse route next season, their dynamic is going to be the same toxic dynamic they had up until episode 5. She’s an amazing person that deserves better than being an easy out or second best.

i think that because she was raised in her sister’s shadow with a shit ton less attention and love from literally everyone in her family, she has low self-image, so it would make sense that she wants the intimacy that comes from a relationship. maybe her addiction is just being there for others bc no one was there for her when she needed them??? @lameparty spilt the truth tea bc they said that “she exists for other people right now and she exists in the safe + limiting shadow of her sister,” and i think that rue represents a sort of freedom from that because rue is only hers and rue can’t see her as second best to her sister. as a fellow semi-abandoned child turned mom-friend, this makes total sense to me bc she wants to make sure that everyone around her never feels as neglected as she did her whole life.

Rue and Jules: 

honestly, i’m tired of people blaming rue’s relapse on jules not being there. she literally has had MI since she was a kid. this shit ain’t new. and even if it was new,  the fact that so many of the viewers were angry at jules for not being there during rue’s manic/depressive episode angers me for three reasons. a) JULES WAS DEPRESSED. she legit didn’t leave her bed for the whole week, to the point that her father was worried. b) just like jules, rue probably only told her that she was feeling under the weather and that she missed her. how is she supposed to magically put together that rue is going through a depressive/manic episode??? c) no person should be your sole reason to be happy. y’all want a CODEPENDENCY not a relationship, and like i totally understand wanting to protect rue. she’s the main character and we’re always in her head, but from episode three, it was pretty obvious that her definition of love is really skewed. she said that you know that you love someone when you can’t live without them, which is generally reaaaallly unhealthy.

these two are such an interesting dynamic, and tbh, i think they’re actually really good for each other (not rn, obviously). i think this is a case of right person, wrong time. they’re obviously soul mates/star crossed lovers, but the problem is that neither of them is mature enough to be in a serious relationship. rue is a recovering addict with a dependency issue and jules is an overly eager, ambitious person that’s never been in a loving relationship. one of the biggest issues in their relationship is the fact that these two have different wants and needs from the relationship. rue fell for jules almost immediately, has wanted to be with her ever since, and wants stability, comfort, and monogamy. on the other hand, jules wants adventure, excitement, and exploration. jules obviously pictures spending her life with rue, but the problem is that in the moment, she can’t be with rue without hurting her because she’s still exploring her queerness, which means that she’ll have one foot out the door until she’s gotten her fill.

because of that, i’m really proud of BOTH OF THEM for standing their ground and choosing themselves instead of each other. i have no doubt that both of them had a part of themselves that regretted leaving the other person, but at the end of the day, it was what was necessary. 

even though rue was the person that suggested running away, she became hesitant because she finally thought about her FAMILY. y’all, that’s AMAZING character development because, at the beginning of the season, rue literally walked over every person that was in her life in order to get her fix. she stole from her mom, got lexi to pee for her, yelled at fez when he didn’t give her drugs, etc. up until episode 5 or so, rue was an extremely selfish character with one exception: jules. from the moment she met jules, her only goal was to make her as happy as jules makes her just by being there, and because of that, she has sacrificed her comfort in some situations. this is the exact opposite of her previous issue where instead not caring about anyone including herself, she only cares about one person an exceeding amount. both of these are problematic. more importantly, this allows her to finally break her dependency on jules. rue fell for jules and stayed sober for her because it felt like she was her flashlight in the dark cave that is her life, and now, she has to find that jules isn’t the only light. her family, lexi, fez, the rest of the girls are all there AND my hope is that she finds that she can be her own light and do this for herself. as much as her decision hurts both the audience and rue, this shows that she’s not just a stagnant character and that she’s learning and evolving into an amazing person. i’m proud of jules because she didn’t stay behind out of guilt or worry. that would’ve perpetuated rue’s dependency and overall, probably made jules resent rue.

i think that jules was being honest when she said that she was in love with rue, i really do. there was an earnest and almost shy look in her eyes, which was so cute??? but it’s honestly more than that. jules looks for rue no matter where she is. for her, rue is her home and something that she finds comfort in. it was obvious in episode 4 and 7. in episode 4, jules runs to rue because she finds comfort in her. whenever she’s in rue’s arms, she feels a warmth that i don’t think she’s ever felt with anyone else and when she finds that tyler isn’t real, her first thought is that rue has been there for her through thick and thin and is her safe place. it’s obvious why she gravitates towards anna. she sees rue in her, which immediately makes her feel at ease. add the fake deep convo, their sex appeal and the drugs, and you have a hella messy situation. and then there’s the fucking romeo and juliet passage that jules recites to rue that basically says that she’s in love with rue, but thinks everything is happening too fast and will come crashing down. she knows that given that they had more time/weren’t so eager to get together, the relationship would be beautiful and flourish, but they aren’t giving each other the space to grow, which was eventually the end of their relationship (at least for now). 

Kat:

I’m proud of her. She did the damn thing. NEXT

Nate:

I think that Nate and McKay are not all that different. His breakdown this ep is more or less for the same reasons as McKay’s breakdown after those guys assaulted him in front of his girl which is that he felt emasculated by his dad overpowering him. In episode two, he did the same flexing thing after his workout. I think it’s his way of feeling powerful and masculine. All this just shows that he needs fucking therapy, but he’s not just some sociopath y’know? His character is deeper than that and can feel pain and anguish. I’m honestly so happy that they included that because it both shows the abuse in his relationship with his dad which obviously carries into his relationships with women and grounds him as a character. that being said, nate is an asshole and there’s no better ship on this show than nate + electric chair 🥺😝😩(but, i’ll settle for prison or whatevahhhhh) 

all in all, I think that this show has two amazing themes in it which are: teens are waayyy more resilient than people think and addiction comes in different forms and each of them is problematic and selfish. i think that the show is amazing at getting people to empathize with rue, but i feel like people need to realize that in the grand scheme of things, all of these characters are HUMAN and make a lot of shitty mistakes. no character should be cancelled just because they make a mistake, especially when the characters are supposed to be literal hormonal teenagers????? every character on this show is deserving of the audience's understanding (except McKay. FUCK HIM)

[clementineesotsm]

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH EP 10, My Appreciation and How It Made Me Feel

Back to Korea where KSJ try to investigate the car and person that always tailed him in a while and while at the police office he asked JTE how is it like there in Corea? I might say this scene was well done. I love how JTE describe Corea, i love the editing, the music and KSJ reaction is priceless when JTE said she doesn’t found him there, he replied, because im here. Brb crying

Then they went to the cemetery in front of Gon’s doppelgänger grave. He tells JTE that he knows Gon because he hears him wailing. KKN and KGE acting here deserve appreciation, such a heartbreaking scene. I feel pain when JTE said “so you were here this whole time” and KSJ says “but am I supposed to be here?” Then the hugs 😭

Comes to the most most heartbreaking scene along this series. LR coming to Prince Buyeong place just when he is about to leave 🥺 HE. KILLED. PRINCE. BUYEONG 😭 i remember grasping the whole scene because this cant be, omg! I want him alive until the end, he is like a father figure to Gon. Shit! Everything about this scene was well made. From the camera movements, script, acting, music, everything was great yet really nerve wrecking. Kudos to the team and the writer. This will added burden to Gon and that is needed but the fact that we lose Prince Buyeong still makes me sad 😔

I realize in this scene LR also saying to Prince Buyeong that, he wants the whole flute tonhis possession. He dont know yet the extent of what he will able to do with it but he needs to be the one to have the whole of it. At this point i see his weakness. His greed and his anger seems to always get the best of him then make his judgment seems weak and lead him to his downfall. He seems to underestimating his enemy all the time

Next scene with yoyo boy is the best thing that happens this whole episode. I love that it is subtle and pretty poetic. And this mysterious yoyo boy keeps making us curious, who the hell is he? While holding king arthur herecomes one of the best conversation ever

LR “why weren’t you surprised?”

YB “because im a curious person. I hate blood. Did you fight?”

LR “im in the middle of a fight. I still have a long way to go. What are you reading?”

YB “King Arthur. Its a story about a man with noble blood drawing a sword and becoming king”

LR “only those with noble blood can become king? Thats a terroble story. Forget novle blood. The sword must be drawn by those who know how to use it”

YB “what is a villain draws the sword? Someone who is not just”

LR “justoce doesn’t make the sword. The sword decides what justice is”

YB “it seems that the thing in your world keep changing. 조심히 가세요 (goodbye). I want to know how this story ends”

I prefer to use 조심히 가세요 in korean because the meaning is more than just goodbye. Its actually kind of saying please be carefull on your way. Gives me some confusion, on what side this boy is and who is he anyway. Why he keeps on getting involved. Cool.

This episode also starting to shows us JY concerns of this relationship between Gon and JTE. Later we will realize that JY will becoming a bit of an annoying person because of his overprotective nature to Gon. But here he got a point, Gon need a queen. Does JTE will be able to leave everything and stay there? I kind of feel bitter, why always the woman need to choose to leave? Cant the boy did that? Leave his world and be with her? No? 😅 but if the woman is agree with it its fine though

Meanwhile in Corea, Gon was having a really long bad day, its kind of sad to see him sit down in a dark room alone, thinking about JTE then suddenly got news that his uncle was. Murdered. The scene in his room and move to him going down the plane, Lady Nohs fainted, gons silent and people cries for Gon were all heartbreaking. I swear episode 10 is when i cried a lot at here and there. This makes me think that this shows will end in sad ending

We comes to the end. Takes place in Korea where JTE is still have faith to grow the seed then suddenly she saw Gon in front of her house. But he seems different. He seems sad. He is coming still with his signature words

Gon “have you been well?”

JTE nods and says that it took him long time to come. Gon said he is coming from far away and realize that he never gave her flower and tells her he loves her like it is for the last time 🥺 parallel to JTE hugging while holding Gons hand in forest earlier, here she do it again while Gon is kissing her, but this time he. Disappeared. And when she opens her eyes, he is. Gone. Nowhere to be found. 🥺🥺 Both LMH and KGE are doing a great job here. The script was so heartbreaking here. Gon’s voice over make me stuffed, like, omg is he die? 😭😭

How it made me feel:

Wahh. Episode 10 is full of sad mood. Things are starting to go ugly. Everything was beautiful and well made. Love the cinematography, the music, superb acting, love the editing, love the plot progress so far. Mystery part was good, walking in line also with the romance. It keeps me wondering how it will ends and build up my curiosity more and more. I did not see prince buyeong death coming actually. Then i rewatch eps 9, their converstaion while seeing sunrise means a lot more and i cried harder.

Up until eps 10, im getting more hooked with the series. It gives me harry potter vibes to it and i love it. The series was more than just romance but also shows us about responsibilities and makes things right. About fate and destiny. Also i forgot to mention that i love the theme of science fiction meets urband legends and magic like this. Because it works and its magical. I think im bewitched 💯

This series seriously need more appreciation from people. Because its far from bad and im quite sad many people are actually hating on it extremely. I wish all the tkem cast and crew knew that this series was so good. And many people appreciate it so much. You guys are the winner for me.