#im crazy just enjoy my insanity
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just finished malevolent relisten. needless to say the obsession has been rekindled tenfold its previous magnitude
#im so fucking isnane about this podcast#ok notable reactions:#john.. Oh my god. It’s so insane to go back and hear how much he’s changed in the way he talks and reasons and treats arthur#i love you john doe malevolent#fav trans allegory ever!!!!!#definitely relate to him a normal amount (liar voice)#and then. S2. I really need to make that animatic with lonesome dreams#godddd i forgot how painful the ep18 divorce was#and then!!!! the canna mentions helping noel escape!!! completely forgot about that part#s3. oh my god. absolute fav season. soooo many crazy moments.#like coda??? “You want him back.” “I want him safe.” You want him baaack.” “I want him back”#KAYNE I FUCKING HATE THAT RAT BASTARD.NEED TO BASH HIS HEAD IN WITH A ROCK BUT HES A FREAK AND HED ENJOY IT SO I CANT#piece od shit#and then 23/24??????? arthur’s happy cry-laugh???? dead#part 25. “I killed myself. For a voice in my head. Do you know how mad that sounds?” what if IIII killed myself#26. god. Then 27. And 28. Literally my fav season ever#followed closely by s4#ohhhh my god i forgot how hot the butcher is like genuinely#i completely forgot prelude somehow???? giggling kicking my feet twirling my hair the whole time#i need to be this homicidal gay irishman hes so hot oh my god#the 29 divorce. with the movie lmaoo#i need to draw them going on a night out and seeing a movie and getting dinner and drinks and dancing and (gets shot)#gooddddd i remember listening to 31 for the first time and being so fucking confused#PART 33. HIT ME RIGHT IN THE EMOTIONS. OH MY GOD. BELLA SALTZMAN I COULD’VE TREATED YOU SO MUCH BETTER#34….. i can’t speak about 34 without barking and howling like a rabid dog#dog. Is that a butcher refere(gets shot for the third time)#NOELLLLLL MY DARLING WIFE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH#this has just inspired me to keep writing hofth with ella tbh#lowkey don’t even get the obsession with oscar tho i can’t be talking#to each their own or whatever
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How about “you can kiss me, you know” for Kennedy and Bucky if you think it fits them? 💜 I can’t wait to see what you cook up from these!
HI SWEET ANON!!!! i must say, upon receiving this prompt - my entire world shifted on its axis a bit so THANK YOU!!!!! the way this prompt fit them was SO INSANELY WELL. it just seemed to scream KENNEDY X BUCKY to me. and i just. ate it up. truly. this was a JOY and a TREAT to write and just. safe to say - bucky's POV of kennedy farley is one of my favorite things ever and just - THEY DESERVE THE WORLD !!!!!! they deserve all that is good and well!!! <3333 THANK YOU AGAIN ANON - positively *obsessed*! kennedy x bucky girlies this is for YOU! :D
you found me
(a/n): POV: we're in Bucky's POV, opening scene is when everyone is getting letters from home and he hasn't gotten a single one. that one post about the way the show seemed to portray bucky not getting letters left me reeling and just. do with that what you will. and also. yeah. kennedy makes bucky's mind got scatter-brained at every given opportunity lmao. COME AND GET IT !!!!!!!! THESE TWO JUST. INSANE. INSANE INSANE INSANE. (this prompt was everything) cue: you found mehhh, you found mehhhh, lying on the floorrrr...... (don't mind my horrible puns, it's in the title lmfao, i couldn't help it, but it's a kennedy quote so haha!)
The place was changing him.
He knew that much.
He could tell when he woke in the morning and went to bed at night, and his mind was an even deeper and darker place than it had been 12 hours earlier. Seeing the women the way they were, the men, the food situation, the general health of each and every person crammed in that bunk room, seeing the new guys coming in day in and day out, walking in circles convincing himself he wasn't crazy.
It was changing him and he couldn't wrangle in that change in any way that would be manageable.
And seeing those letters.
Goddamn, it made him a little crazy inside - those words, the smells, the feelings, the evident love and care that were in each and every one.
Something deep in his chest hurt a little more than he wanted when mail call would come and peoples' names would be read out and they'd get their letters and be reading it with such gratitude and genuineness in their gazes.
It usually made Bucky snippy, a little more irritated in a way he didn't want. And without fail, Buck could usually get a whiff of that the second that he grew quiet and withdrawn.
Curse his customary loud mouth!
"I think you were right," Buck said as they walked side by side, kicking up dust, grimacing at the slightly bitter chill of early-morning air racing across the open patch of brown dirt and sand their barracks were on, "we should've made a run for it while they were out chasing those Brits." Should've, could've, would've. Bucky bit back his lip and glanced sideways at Buck a bit before looking forward a bit with a shake of the head.
"Maybe, but I can't help thinking you were right. Better to play it safe." Bucky answered quietly back, a worn tone to his voice, sudden agitation lingering in his throat, "The hell am I rushing back home for?" It grew quiet for a moment.
What the hell was he so hellbent on getting out of here for anyway? A life? A home? A girlfriend? He shook his head.
"Other guys get letters. You get letters. Bessie gets letters. Hambone gets letters." Bucky said, "To get a letter, you need someone to get it from." Bucky watched as he kicked a stone forward, hands shoved deep into his pockets, the cool wind back again, blowing up his neck and across his face, "Guess I never set that part up right." Buck looked over at him slightly.
"That's just this place talking. You're tired."
"I am tired."
"You'll have plenty of time for that when you get out." Buck said, his ever-present tender tone, his voice a pleasant escape from the world around them, so hopeful and yearning for a future outside of this.
"You'll set it up right next time." Bucky wished he was a little more like that.
"They're only gonna know this me. Not the old me." Bucky said quietly, with a sigh. "Me before I got here. That's if we even get out."
"We'll get out. And this you will be the one worth knowing." Buck said - this you will be the one worth knowing? Would this Bucky be worth it? Knowing him? His tendencies, his way about looking at life like it were some sort of rock to throw in the water on the side of a river? Like hazardously tip-toeing around something without taking that extra care to see it through? The Bucky who lost all composure when Buck had gone down, when men went down every day, when Kennedy had come in looking more ghost than waist gunner.
"You sure about that?" he asked Bucky, glancing over at the man with a stern look in his gaze, "I wouldn't be convinced."
"Farley seems convinced." Buck said and it took all of two seconds for Bucky to freeze.
Farley?
Listen, Bucky was a fan of Kennedy Farley, always had been, always would be - even if she was a Red Sox fan - but he had lost the point where Farley was connected to the conversation.
"What's Farley gotta do with this?" Bucky asked, turning to look at Buck with a slightly standoffish look in his eye, "I don't think she needs any sort of convincing. She just….thinks what she thinks and does what she needs to do from there, you know? Don't get me wrong, Farley's a good someone to have in your back pocket - hell, we're in each other's by this point but-" Buck stopped and looked to him, placing his hands on his hips, giving Bucky a look, stopping Bucky in his rather rambling attempt to cover his ass - for whatever reason, he wasn't sure.
"You know what I'm talking about, Bucky," Buck said, his voice quiet, "don't tell me you're confused." Bucky looked at him.
"Cut the crap, Buck." Bucky said quietly, watching as Buck smiled the slightest bit.
"You can't keep your eyes off her, Bucky," Buck said quietly, "and here you are saying you got no one." Buck stepped forward and gently patted his shoulder. "She's been there the whole time."
Bucky followed Buck into the bunk room and immediately let his eyes become drawn to her there at the table in the center of the room, her ginger hair falling over her shoulders, her eyes looking more tired than they had been in days, and her nose bright red - still fighting off that damn cold everyone had seemed to catch.
Bucky had paused a bit in the threshold, his body locked up in a way that he was sure even a fire couldn't melt and briefly caught Buck's gaze back at him as he went to lift himself onto a bunk.
It was pretty quiet in the room for one and going directly over to Kennedy, and asking her just to talk real quick would probably make things more obvious than needed.
And a sudden bit of jitters hit him as he stood there, eyes locked on Kennedy, hands shoved in his pockets, heart pounding. With the way the sun seemed to be hitting her from the windowpane that they had stood by those few weeks in the middle of the night, he couldn't help but seem to swallow all his thoughts and words into a pit in the middle of his stomach.
"Sir?" Bucky blinked quickly to find the group at the table looking up at him, the familiarity of Margie's voice hitting his ears as he glanced at her, sat at the table, flipping through a book - a mixture of mild confusion and concern contorting her face.
"Uh," Bucky started, clearing his throat awkwardly and then looking to Kennedy, "can we talk?" His voice came out slightly hoarse, muffled and choked as he asked her and he knew he needed to get it together quick or he'd look more like a clown than anything.
Kennedy gave him a weird look - she was always giving him weird looks, admittedly, if she wasn't, he'd probably be more concerned. But then she nodded, placing down her own book in her hands and got to her feet, a slight smile on her face.
That smile was enough to send him into a new dimension, he was sure of that - and he wasn't sure of a lot of things - the war, the future, even right now. He was sure of that smile though.
And Kennedy.
"What's up?" she asked him, coming around the table and looking up at him.
Words, words, words.
"Not here." Bucky said quickly, not missing the slow smile rising on Buck's face from somewhere in his goddamn peripheral that was enough to make him squirm, "The library?" Kennedy eyed him.
"Sure." she said, vaguely suspicious sounding. She slid past him and it seemed it got his own legs moving as he caught Buck's eye again - who winked enthusiastically. Bucky gave him a look, briefly catching Margie's second of growing suspicion before following after Kennedy to the library at the corner of the building.
Stepping inside, it was empty and if anything - quiet. Bucky could get a wrangle on his thoughts and hopefully not sound like a fool in front of Kennedy.
Kennedy turned to him as he slowly shut the door behind him, her eyes running over him worriedly, stood with her arms folded across her chest, a quiet look on her face that was beyond enough to make his insides warm.
He'd seen Kennedy Farley as a more stripped back person of herself out here and to say it made him yearn for that time back in Thorpe Abbotts everyday, made him go a little crazy. If he hadn't been so….just chasing after anything, so blinded by the alcohol and the women and the music. If he'd just taken a moment to focus and see Kennedy Farley had been there all along. With that laugh, that smile, her comforting words, her willingness to put herself all out there just for the hell of it.
"You okay?" Kennedy asked him, her eyes searching his face, a small smile darting out with a chuckle, "You look a little pale."
"For Chrissake, the sun don't ever come out, Kenny," he said, his nervous chatter slipping out as a small smile graced his presence and it seemed to echo in Kennedy's smile back to him, "no, no, I'm fine, serious, just. Needed to talk. To you."
"Yeah." Kennedy said, watching him, slightly confused, "We….sorta established that back in the bunk room."
"Right." Bucky said, his brain malfunctioning in every improper way that a brain could in a moment like this, "Need to talk. Yes." Kennedy laughed slightly, before simply smiling that gorgeous grin.
"So, what's up?"
Two feet between them felt like the farthest they'd been.
"Not much, just…..with Buck getting that letter and all. From Marge…." Bucky started, his voice steady for once. Confident.
"Marge." Kennedy echoed, "Seems like a sweetheart. The two of them."
"Yeah," Bucky choked out and nodded, placing his hands on his hips, "yeah, just….thought a lot and. Talked to Buck about things and just. This. Where we are. It's…." Kennedy watched him, the previous bit of light-hearted joking in her eyes dwindling away as she watched him.
"What's going on, Bucky?" Kennedy asked, her voice serious in a way that made his words pull themselves together - because that's what Kennedy deserved. None of his stumbling, mumbling, jumbling self.
"I just…." Bucky started and then couldn't help but slowly reach out and placed his hands on her shoulders, slowly moving in small circles near her clavicle and towards her shoulders, squeezing gently as they stared at each other, her face so close to his, he could see green specks in her brown eyes, "Getting downed. In that plane. And having you show up. All those talks we've had. All those nights. I just. You've helped me to realize a lot of things about life that wouldn't have fucking come to my attention if I hadn't talked to you." Kennedy stared at him, slightly taken aback.
"And…..Kennedy, I just," Bucky started, holding her gaze, his eyes on her lips and her bright-red nose and her eyes and back to her lips again - God, if he could just get a taste right here, right now, "even when the war ends, I don't…. I don't want to stop knowing you." A moment of silence stilled around them as Kennedy let out a small breath and slowly nodded at him.
"Me either, Bucky," she said, and then tilted her head, "what's going on, Bucky, seriously. Are you running a fever? Did someone say something to you? You're gonna live through this, ya know?"
"I know!" Bucky exclaimed, his voice louder than wanted as he looked back to her and shook his head and sighed, "I know, it's not….it's not that. It's….it's more. Us. You and me."
"What about you and me?" Kennedy asked him, a small smile growing on her face before gently bumping his shoulder with a first, "We're good, you know that. You and me." Bucky watched her, the corners of his lips growing upwards into a grin.
"I know that." he said with a slow nod and smile that got her grinning wider.
"Then what's got your mind racing?" she asked him, stepping closer to him. Bucky swallowed.
"You." he said, confident as can be - he was always confident looking at her, at them. Her back hit the wall next to the door, their faces intermingling in front of one another as they continued staring into each other's eyes, her slightly lower than him but all just the same.
"Me?" she asked, as if to spur him and his pounding heart on, "Highest honors, Bucky Egan. What did I ever do to deserve lingering in your mind so much, huh?"
"A lot," admonished Bucky, verbalizing his thoughts for once, "everything you do. Even just standing there like this. You make me crazy, you know." Kennedy's eyes flitted to his lips and she sucked in a breath as she met his gaze again.
"Well," Kennedy whispered, slowly reaching up to wrap her fists in balls of his brown A2 near the collar, smiling slightly, "if you must satisfy such a need and displeasure, you can just kiss me, you know."
Everything around Bucky practically dissipated in his peripheral vision, his hands freezing on her shoulders, acutely aware of the death grip she had on the front of his A2, along with that look in her eye.
Watching her, knowing she was watching him back, suddenly made him realize what words had just slipped from her mouth. Kennedy Farley's mouth. He must've pulled quite the 'slap-in-the-face' sort of look because Kennedy smirked, rather confidently, and pulled him slightly closer, her warm breath fanning his face, that look in her eyes making him feel like ice next to fire.
"When were you gonna tell me you wanted to kiss me, huh?" he whispered, voice low, briefly noticing her cheeks bloom to a light crimson, enough to make him chuckle as he found himself now, stepping closer, caging her practically against the wall with his broad-shouldered form.
Months ago, if you told him, he'd be standing there, inches from Kennedy Farley, he would've laughed. He really would've. For it seemed that what it was worth, Kennedy Farley wanted nothing more out of him than simply a friend and a leader. And suddenly, she was standing right there, her eyes on his lips, his hands slowly creeping towards her neck, brushing the skin beneath her jawline and he felt the collar of his neck grow hot.
"When were you gonna tell me?" she whispered back, looking up at him; enough to make his mind feel quickly scattered and Bucky couldn't seem to help it.
Bucky heard those words from her lips and didn't think twice, as he leaned down and engulfed her lips with his own, a groan leaving his mouth as she pulled him towards her even more so, kissing back with just as much urgency as he had to her.
His hands were pressed into her rosy cheeks, her fingers were into his hair and he could feel every inch of her lips on his - kissing back in a way that did make him crazy. He didn't know how fast things were moving when a whimper left her lips and he slid his tongue into her mouth, this slow, sanguine pull inside him making him yearn for all of her right then and there.
It was desperate, maybe a little bit messy, but Bucky had never wanted someone so bad that made him so nervous like a schoolboy.
He had never wanted like this.
He couldn't help it when his hands moved to her waist and a moan left her mouth as his lips trailed to her jawline and then to her neck, nibbling at each and every soft part of her skin that was flush with the feel of her underneath his lips. She was groaning quietly in his ear, enough to make all of his senses suddenly….something he hadn't felt in quite some time, as he pulled back briefly only to capture her lips in his again.
And for a moment, they had to pull back, he had to pull back or he wouldn't be able to control himself, gently pressing his forehead against hers, the two of them panting like some sort of other worldly creature.
Being so close to her, intoxicated by her touch and her being, her felt crazed by what the feel of her lips on his had been. Her hand slowly trailed up to the side of his slightly stubbled face, her fingertips making him shiver and an almost desperate, groaning noise leaving his lips just at her touch. It was like fire - good fire - and how fire was good he would never know because though it could keep you warm, it always brought some form of destruction with it all. But her touch, her flame, the fire, it made him completely undone.
"I feel insane around you," Bucky whispered softly against her lips before deeply pressing a kiss against her evidently swollen lips and pulling back, "you know that?" He couldn't open his eyes, he felt drugged under her touch and simply her, but he heard her let out a quiet laugh, her hands gently tapping along the sides of his face again as she did so.
"Didn't know I had that sort of effect on you, Major Egan." she whispered quietly, her voice slightly hoarse. Bucky let out a quick laugh, before squeezing his hands against her hips again that were so deeply pressed against his own and he sighed, a pathetic sigh.
"Longer than I thought actually, Kenny," he whispered quietly back, "way longer than I thought."
Kennedy giggled - she giggled.
Bucky's brain actually stuttered a bit at the thought of Kennedy giggling - like that - because it seemed the last thing she'd do. But it sounded so adorable and he was the only one that had heard it and for a second, he felt like the luckiest person to be standing there right now.
Slowly, he opened his eyes and found Kennedy and her big, deep brown eyes already staring back at him - catching that brilliant gaze that watched him back - slightly giddy, soft and enthralled all at once. A sight he'd probably remember until his death bed.
And he couldn't help but grin and bring up a hand to cup the side of her face, touching her skin, her hair, her. He felt like had was under a spell and she was the culprit in every right way that she could be one.
"I can honestly say much of the same," Kennedy whispered quietly, her eyes growing squinty for a minute as she smiled and laughed, "you always looked at me different, Bucky, I knew that." Bucky watched her, his smile seemingly plastered on his face and he couldn't fight it down.
"What are you talking about?" he whispered back, leaning closer, their noses brushing, his other hand escaping up under her shirt to her bare skin, caressing her softness, "Different, huh? You noticed?"
"And you're admitting to it?" she whispered back with another chuckle, "Bucky Egan, you are really surprise after surprise, aren't you." She chuckled and he couldn't help but watch her eyes again so close to her.
"Nah," Bucky whispered, "just….." He watched her smile. "I always thought about you, ya know. And I wasn't lying. Back when I heard Silver Bullets took a hit and it was Margie. I thought of you." Bucky grinned wider.
"I'd think of you at night, too. Sometimes I wondered if I could try and find you at night, just to talk to you," Bucky whispered, "but I'd shove it out of my mind. Didn't think you thought like that. About me. About us." Kennedy watched him, a small smile lingering on her lips.
"You could've come and found me," Kennedy whispered back to him, her thumb brushing his cheek, a grin poking out, "would've been better than….I don't know, wrestling with some fucking nightmares, ya know?"
"I'll be honest, Farley, I probably would've kissed you way sooner then if I had done that," Bucky said with a winning grin, "a helluva lot sooner. Coming and finding you." Kennedy watched him, her eyes shining as she let out a laugh.
"You found me." she whispered back and Bucky couldn't seem to help the grin on his face as he came to cup her cheeks.
"I'd see you at the flying club," Bucky whispered, softly pressing his lips to her nose, "dancing and drinking and twirling and singing….." Kennedy watched him from right there across from him, inches from his face. "I've always liked you, Kenny."
"Always?"
"Always." Bucky said, "Back when you were my waist gunner - you always had that confident look in your eye, I knew you could probably shoot better than the rest of the guys, and you sure as hell were one tough nut to crack and I…you're just always in the back of my mind, ya know?"
"John Egan." Kennedy whispered, reaching up to loop her fingers into his hair and trace down the sides of his face, "I don't deserve you."
"You're telling me," Bucky whispered, "I don't deserve an ounce of you, but here we are and I feel like the luckiest man in the world. Fuck." Kennedy watched him and continued this gentle touch along his head, with the most genuine, soft look in her eyes.
"Telling my parents that the man I'm in love with is a Yankees fan-" Bucky's heart pounded. She continued talking, but he missed whatever else she had just said. His thoughts honed in on her first sentence.
That word.
"What?" Bucky said quietly, looking at her fully, his smile gone, his eyes bright, "What'd you say?"
"I'm gonna have to tell my parents that you're a Yankees fan - and my brothers! They're gonna-"
"No, no," Bucky whispered quietly, a smile growing on his cheeks as he softly pressed a kiss to her lips before pulling back, "the other thing. The other part of that." Kennedy stared at him and then let out a soft chuckle.
"I'm in love with a Yankees fan."
"Who is me?"
"Who is you."
"And who you love?"
"For quite some time." Kennedy whispered, her eyes glossy, "I don't tell people about much more than what you can see of me, much less what's inside of me. You know more than what my mother might know." Bucky chuckled against her lips and pressed another kiss there, holding her there so deeply and strongly, he didn't want to let go.
"What I'm trying to say without it sounding all over the place," Kennedy whispered as he pulled back, "is that I'm in love with you and that I love you." Bucky watched her, smirking, so widely, so genuinely, so proudly, that if they weren't here, he didn't know what he'd do with words like that. He had a few ideas, but he was so focused on her right now that he couldn't think straight.
"I'm really fucking in love with you, too, Kenny," he whispered, his free hand on her bare skin on her back pressing against her and making a small whimper escape her lips as he sighed pleasantly, "and I really want to kiss you again. For a while." Kennedy stared at him - her face was glowing, he swore to God, and she smiled. His heart pounded.
"Then kiss me, Major," she whispered against his lips, "kiss me hard."
And he did just that.
#(goes to a corner)#(breaks out into tears)#(im okay i swear im fine)#(its just i-)#THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM#insert that one meme of the girl screaming with tears in her eyes because haha thats ME RIGHT NOW#theyve come SUCH a long way truly and just to see this#IN BUCKY'S POV LIKE#sir she makes you INSANE#AND CRAZY#AND SCATTERBRAINED#I CANTTTTTTT#buck: she was there the whole time#bucky: *blank-faced staring*#bucky: KENNEDY IM IN LOVE WITH YOU#kennedy: now i have to tell my parents im in love with a yankees fan wtf (honesty her most iconic statement ever lmfao)#THESE TWOOOOOO#THEYRE JUST SO :')))))))#i cant im just !!!! EEEEKKKKKK#i hope you all enjoy!#kennedy x bucky girlies this is for you! <3333 for all the love and support with this duo!#(we just need annie and brady to get on board lmfao)#kennedy x bucky#kennedy farley#bucky egan#silver bullets#mota writings#masters of the air fic#bucky egan x oc
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tis the season !
#the charcuterie board was devoured and ppl rly loved the cookies and the dates r usually popular#and the baked brie too!!!#and then ppl brought their own assortment of treats and drinks as well#i rly enjoyed my blackberry orange drink personally#my gf’s friend does really beautiful pottery and all the food she brought was in her gorgeous homemade pieces#was so fun i love feeding ppl and making things look pretty and festive#my gf did the insane lettering on the drink menu#and decorated so cutely#and then we all went to the halloween event at the amusement park afterwards and it was fun and cold and misty#and i mostly sat outside of haunted houses while they walked thru them haha#i struggle rly rly bad to recover from being startled and sometimes it just. turns into a panic attack even if im not like Scared?? idk#it’s stupid my body just can’t distinguish real danger from fun danger very well#but they had these “’no boo”’ necklaces i could wear so actors would then just interact w me nicely and creepily instead of jumping at me#which was still fun :-)#bummer tho i hate being mentally illlllllll#and rly embarassing bc the necklaces lit up rly bright so it was like i was wearing an im-a-weenie beacon#lolll#also shoutout to my mutual who recognized me while i was waiting for my friends and stopped to say hi LMAO that was crazy#won’t name names so i don’t dox u#but i’ve never been recognized from tumblr before was a very i like your shoelaces moment😭😭😭#top 10 most embarassing things to happen to me ever but thanks for saying hi !!!#personal
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undertale yellow. clutches head in anguish.
#[cherry on top]#undertale yellow spoilers#[..its still you]#anyways. finished my uty playthrough yesterday. oh my god.#^ that might be a bit of a surprise given that ive said like. nothing about it on here#but honestly i felt like positive-neutral about the game for most of it. like yeah it was good;#but nothing that drove me crazy. yknow? it was just an overall good game.#which is why i didnt really say anything about it#then it started picking up near the middle-end with the steamworks-#i enjoyed axis and guardener a lot; ceroba was a cool party member;#and the music in steamworks goes hard. one of my favorite tracks tbh#then there was the buildup to cerobas fight.#then i /got/ to cerobas fight and. crumples up into a ball AAUUUUUUUUUU#OH MY GODDDDDD#something about it made me shatter into a million tiny pieces.#a lot of things did actually. like how HARD IT WAS#i was stuck on her for OVER AN HOUR#BUT I DID IT. I DID IT LEGIT. IT WAS SO SATISFYING WHEN I FINALLY BEAT HER#god im just insane about ceroba rn. women who fuck up everything big time#and see no other option other than to dig their hole deeper because they sure as hell arent getting out of it#OH AND THE ENDING... BECAUSE OH MY GODDDD OF COURSE CLOVER WOULD DO THAT AHUGHHHHH#THEY'RE THE JUSTICE SOUL. THEY WANTED TO BRING MONSTERS TO JUSTICE AFTER ALL THEY FACED#OF FUCKING COURRSSSEEEEEEE AAAUUGHHHHH <- wail of anguish#KILLING AND MAIMING AND BITING.#SORRY. i needed to lose it for my mental health. quoting that one tiktok: 'im craeezay. im insaaane!'#for other tidbits i wanted to mention:#cerobas bossfight music went HARD. i fucking love the phase 3 transition especially with her yelling as the music starts;#that black hole attack can go fuck itself;#and if you were wondering how long it took me to beat uty. it was around 10-11 hours for a pacifist route.#anyways i totally need to play more games. that was fucking awesome and i need to experience more things like that
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the house md fandom would be fixed by more femlash
#rant below#house md#house md fandom#i gotta figure out my ao3 acciunt before i start writing again but i will be attempting to provide#i seem to have this growing problem with fandoms with the lack of femlash and in general being male-centered#and it makes sense in show like supernatural with very few female characters to ship and that fandom has a lot of issues#but with house md the femslash is severely lacking for the female characters in it#my fandom history is like toh thg she-ra fucking fnaf so there wasn’t a problem there but when i joined to the house fandom its much m#more male focused and i feel like. weird for not being crazy for wilson and like yeah i enjoy hilson but sometimes i feel like im amping up#my interest for notes bc notes give me crazy dopamine and then it stopped being fun. and then i stopped making posts like that and got less#notes and on tumblr in the corners im on its just. male character hot mlm ship mlm ship like wheres the women!!#im not resigning from house md fandom but im gonna focus on fandoms n ships that are fun for me because i prefer femslash id rather go ins#insane about lesbians and women and yeah ill still enjoy mslash and hilson etc but i have been observing a pattern in this fandom abou#about issues that are much too big for us to fix and probably wont be fixed ever#misogyny and male-centricity in general is always gonna be a thing. but as a woman liker im gonna reset my priorities#but ill still like hilson!!! im just also gonna like camcuddy (do they have a ship name?) and camteen and amberteen or whatever the fuck#also retracting more from dps because there’s really only chris and ginny and also i have my personal gripes with that fandom#still ❤️ you dps mutuals#sorry#fuck sorry#fandom problems#fandom rant#asclexeposting
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yknow wut im not heavily into rbf anymore but like. i still fw it a lil
anyways here's my old rbf oc, brown, which I recently redesigned and actually really like a lot ( red's there too i suppose )
#rainbow friends#roblox#roblox oc#art#btw brown like. blew the fuck up for some reason#like he got into a popular rbf rp game and featured heavily in content slop videos and people thought he was a real character LOL#the most recent thing that has happened with him is him being in a FUCKING LANKYBOX THUMBNAIL .#all of the thumbnails mainly used my bf's renders of a model he made of him i felt insane#anyways expect rbf here and there. idfk when chapter 3 dropping but i like the designs a lil even if it's a bit slop#let a man enjoy his pride pals in peace#also half debating if hashtag roblox oc even goes there. yea rbf is roblox but like maybe im just crazy#oh well fukc th world
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genuinely without even being at all the shows so far i have felt so part of them bc of how quickly ppl post pics and videos and how we all get to freak out together on here abt them like. literally we are all at every fob show every time actually <33
#aka i love being insane on here forever like i cant miss a moment bc everyone is being so crazy every time HFKRNF#and it's just so fun to just be able to enjoy every moment w so many other ppl :') love it here not to get sappy JFJRNFK#and u bet ur Ass when im at my show im gonna try so hard to make u all feel included nfkrnf#txt
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spn was the top fandom BAR NONE for a decade on this site, wdym there are only ELEVEN jody/mary fics
#spn#supernatural#jody mills#mary winchester#jodymary#randi liveblogs media#area woman has to do everything herself#12x06 finally ate away at my brain in the background enough that i caved and went looking and--#i thought i was Suffering when my brain latched onto rillham as a ship#no no now i see these next however long is going to turn me inside out#at least its better than when i got obsessed with twftfejn lesbians??? :|#is there any way i can pspsps swanqueen ''how to get the savior to taste my forbidden fruit'' emma swan enjoying mutuals over to spn s12?#for my own selfish reasons just watch a couple youtube recaps and skip directly to s12 i need more ppl over here#yes the first arcs Fuck and are Genuinely good tv but--#no?? im stuck here by myself???#ykw fair enough :/#y'all not entranced by jody doing a speedrun of putting mary on a pedestal and having to knock her FIRMLY off of that in less than 12hrs??#y'all not entranced by mary Definitely Having A Complex abt jody being a better mother to her own sons than she was or ever could be#even if she'd been alive for the past two decades????#wild. crazy. i am clearly the only sane person in this fandom.#(for legal reasons that is a joke i was insane the second i decided to watch spn)#me
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#OK I NEED TO STOP engaging with 911 ship wars but i have ONE MORE THING to say (probably lying)#i think it’s genuinely concerning how many people believe a ship has to have years of emotional connection before you’re allowed to ship it#like. imo you should be allowed to ship characters for any reason#crackships and rarepairs exist for a reason#secondly and probably more importantly#i think it’s really weird how many people are uncomfortable with the idea of gay sex#not in general but like#people were saying they were uncomfortable and weirded out because#an actor vaguely insinuated that the fictional character he plays would enjoy having gay sex with his partner#like people were calling him a freak#I THINK THATS WEIRD AND CONCERNING#it’s giving ‘my ship doesn’t have sex they make love while holding hands’#i think it ties into the first point#relationships are allowed to be built off attraction#you don’t need years and years of bonding for your relationship to be valid#and i think the visceral reaction against bucktommy because they’re not besties who share a kid is borderline homophobic#like there are plenty of valid reasons to dislike tommy and bucktommy like tommys previous behaviour#but being sooo against a ship based on the fact that there wasn’t enough ‘build up’ and that they don’t have a deep emotional bond#weird#and i don’t think it’s fetishisation to enjoy a canon couple im sorry that’s just a fucking crazy take#like it’s insane to me that apparently enjoying a gay ship is fetishisation unless it meets certain ‘emotional bonding’ criteria#also bathena is one of the most beloved ships on the show and their ‘build up’ was one date and a church hangout#and no one claims that they’re rushed and underdeveloped and that’s why one of them should be written off the show#like i said i think there’s a lot of valid reasons to dislike the ship (even if i do enjoy it)#but some of the arguments i’ve seen are just weird and i think you guys need to look at why it makes you uncomfortable#engage with other fandoms with more diverse ships and maybe you’ll calm down a little#911 discourse#for clarity the tumblr fandom seems to be okay but 911twt is an actual hell scape
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Ohh im obssesed
#uprooted#uprooted naomi novik#solya#marek#my main playlists dedicated to them :]#idk why they cought my attention in 2018 and since that year they have had a special place in my heart. sometimes throughout my day-#i realise im obssesed with them and they're not just some random characters i like. ive dedicated a lot of time on them#i wonder how my interest in them will be when i get older. i certainly know that i will miss them if i stop thinking about them#you could say they have seen me grow. i knew them BEFORE quarantine. they were with me DURING. and AFTER#they have been through so many phases of my life. its so strange.#they changed so much too...except Marek. he still looks the same I imagined him in 2018. solya is definitely different tho#but i do think i have a different more in depth understanding of both characters#even if the words i read in 2018 are still the same now that i look back at the book. they were so many things unsaid but if u looked-#closely you could understand them. solya and marek as individual characters have so much depth...even if its not explicitly said#or maybe its just me reading between the lines too much. i wish i just knew more about them. this is getting so long-#but I got a bit nostalgic. is crazy how i was just a child and somehow even tho solya was just the total opposite of the type of characters-#i like there was something in him. something that made me look at him. and i think thats actually so in character of him#i think that in the book even if someone didnt like him. it was still hard to look away because he stood out from the rest.#there was definitely something about him that attracted people. or else how would have he gotten so far in his schemes?#I may be overanalyzing it. but i love the Falcon so much. and i do like marek a lot as a character. i find him very interesting. i know he-#did bad. terrible. things i like him as a character. not as a person.#i wish i could have seen what was going on in that damaged mind of his...#analyzing his behavior its so entertaining to me. i love making up scenarios where he is at his worst. im not gonna lie#marek suffering and then finding comfort in not comforting things is one of my favorite headcanons.#his obssesion with his mother is also a very important part of his character (ofc) and i love imagine him doing things related to that#thinking about the ways their personalities connect and make them have a very toxic bond keeps me up at night..they made each other worst#and we actually never see that in depth in the book. everything is so subtle but my crazy brain can find the signs in any part#i will stop this rant here. i feel its so long and if i made any spelling mistake i apologise to my future self (probably my self from-#tomorrow) because i know i won't be able to fix the misspelling and that will stress me SO MUCH.#future self please dont stress about it. just be happy. and enjoy thinking about these insane characters
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Nothing is more fun for me than curating and organizing a google drive folder for a band I like with neatly labelled subfolders for bootlegs demos interviews etc literally just for my own purposes but being really thorough and taking it really seriously anyway. Honestly it gives me a sexual thrill I didn't mean that last part
#its not like im in the mines finding new stuff im just organizing everything into one place for myself#then its great cos i can easily get it on local files on my phone too#Omg remembering my insane mike nesmith drive folder where i went a step further and was uploading scans of interviews and organizing them b#date and shit that was too crazy but in that case no one else was doing it and it was needed#luckily do not need to be doing that now#at all cos everyones already even crazier than me#but one thing about me is im going to gather and organize mp3s for myself#i do have everything backed up on my computer always but i really enjoy making a little thing for myself i can always access
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FINAL MIDBLOCK ESSAY DONE!! I AM FREE!!
#FINALLY. have not been able to relax for like a month that’s the thing about the due dates being so far apart it’s great because you’ve got#more time but it also means everything just. lasts longer. anyway! done now. this one perhaps not my best work but it was harder than i#expected…my us government one will be rough but what else do you expect from 1500 words..and then my theory essay..my best hope for a good#grade perhaps…but we’ll see. the next lot aren’t due until january but im gonna start thinking about them now so im less busy over christmas#insane that that’s not too terrible a thought. uni is crazy when you actually enjoy your degree. anyway! for now i am going to enjoy the#rest of my weekend at home n me and my mum are going out tomorrow n im gonna buy some books with the voucher i haven’t spent since my#birthday in february and ill finally have time to finish the book im reading rn AND to do some writing..start chapter 2 : ^ )#woohoo!! aware no one gaf about any of this but i am first and foremost always the audience for my own posts so. this one’s for me..#(ridi's) bigmouth strikes again
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👀 The people need to know: who fell first and who fell harder with all of the silver bullets couples? 👀
PLEASE KNOW I GOT BACK FROM WORK, SAW THIS, AND PROMPTLY SCREAMED BECAUSE OH BOY THIS QUESTION IS FANTASTIC (im actually losing my mind holy heck)!!!!! please enjoy my ramblings, thoughts, ideas, various headcanons and random think-thoughts i have below. thank you letting me ramble about - you are a GEM, sweet anon! <3333 (i could happily expand on so many of these, but i kept it short and sweet!)
ANNIE X BRADY
who fell first: annie. no doubt. (did we see that recent piece…miss girl was crushing from the start but let’s be fr, so was brady). brady reminds her of her father in a way - hardworking, funny, willing to do anything for the ones he loves. she gravitates to that out here.
who fell harder: brady. listen, he always liked bradshaw. right from the start. hell, she gave bucky a run for his money upon first meeting. but she also never failed to be kind, real and incredibly intuitive, which he thinks makes her one of the best pilots he knows.
FRANCIS X MARIANNE
who fell first: marianne. it was a silly, stupid crush! francis montez was her CO-PILOT. that's. it. that's all. until marianne could only focus on the fact that francis was a really damn good co-pilot and a ...... friend.
who fell harder: francis. marianne salinger was always their tail gunner and upon recruitment to silver bullets always enjoyed her presence. until they shared a few moments one night side by side and she couldn't get mari out of her head.
BESSIE X THOMAS
who fell first: bessie. tommy was her high school crush and when she found them going to the same college, she tried to dampen the feelings, but to no avail, couldn't get the thought of him out of her system.
who fell harder: thomas (aka tommy). always though bessie carlisle was one of the sweetest people he went to high school with, but there'd been nothing more past that. until college when they began to become linked in similar circles and he couldn't help but fall for every bit of her.
CARRIE X DOUGIE
who fell first: dougie. DID WE SEE THIS MAN IN GREENLAND (granted, carrie was....intrigued, if that's the word for it because lets be fr its carrie, she's a tough nut to crack). he was smitten from the start - she always has a joke on the tip of her tongue, a funny way about herself and her humor and is shamelessly, herself. which he loves.
who fell harder: carrie. listen, people told her dougie was crushing on her. she ignored it (because OF COURSE she did.) and then. well. she started noticing that he'd show up when she was sick or wounded, pop around in the flying club to chat or offer her someone to talk to. suddenly - yeah, she fell REAL hard.
KENNEDY X BUCKY
who fell first: bucky. KENNEDY WAS ALWAYS FOND OF HIM. BUT THAT MAN FELL FIRST. LIKE IMMEDIATELY. the second she came in like a thunderstorm grumbling about the fucking yankees and her red sox, he was done for. and immediately was ready to do anything just to talk to her.
who fell harder: kennedy. bucky was always major egan until he wasn't. until she was told that when silver bullets got hit he thought of her and suddenly she was there beside him in the stalag and then he was offering her a spot beside him in his bunk and-
MARGIE X BENNY
who fell first: benny. MEATBALL LOVED HER INSTANTLY. PERIOD. ALL WAS SAID AND DONE (and he loves most people but with her it was. instant). and benny couldn't help but notice her genuineness towards him in any circumstance. a good-hearted person with a beautiful smile.
who fell harder: margie. benny demarco was always benny demarco - hell, she'd shared a few dances with him and thought nothing of it. but then he SHOWS UP, blasting through the nurses station to come find her at 2200 after her injury in silver bullets, looking all haggered, exhausted and slightly stressed, worrying for her instead of himself - yeah, she was gone.
JUDY X ROSIE
who fell first: judy. she was DONE FOR when lieutenant robert 'rosie' rosenthal introduced himself to her and bessie and offered to buy them a drink (ofc with bessie saying she was fine, lets just say she could see the future). with a mixture of complete innocence, growing up in the south, on a river, with a severe lack of any sort of man looking like ROSIE, she was absolutely done for.
who fell harder: rosie. he liked judy rybinski immediately (but everyone did), so he didn't ponder much on it. but when silver bullets was dispersed, lieutenant bradshaw and some of the crew were in the stalag and judy was looking for a new crew, he brought her in. and couldn't help but tie all those moments in the flak house to the judy in front of him now. (he brought her ORANGES and those are her FAVORITES. he doesn't just DO THAT DOES HE?!?!!)
VIV X BLAKELY
who fell first: blakely. after the loss of her long-time boyfriend to a KIA, he really took the role of stepping up as a shoulder to lean on, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't catch some feelings with finding out how beautiful inside and out vivian ratcliff was.
who fell harder: viv. it wasn't until a year or two of healing did she really come to terms with her feelings, but she suddenly wanted everything to do with everett blakely when all he'd been to her at first was captain blakely for months.
PAULINA X HAMBONE
who fell first: hambone. paulina was going through a breakup (through letters, can you believe the man?) in greenland and he offered her someone to talk to. and DAMN, did he find out how great of a person she was? and funny, and good-natured, a homebody, and someone who cared. he couldn't help but get a crush.
who fell harder: paulina. when she was told hambone went down and was in the stalag - and they all got that first letter - she did in fact feel her heart swell and want to be by his side and fight this world with him. (you can only imagine how she acted when he returned)
#its the way i think all of these duos are just absolutely INSANE for acting the way they do#NO WAY HALF OF YALL ARE NORMAL EVER#(they are never normal around one another so it checks out i fear)#im just....so obsessed with all of them i cant even deal#GAHHHHHH#silver bullets#masters of the air#masters of the air fic#mota writings#insane#all of yall are crazy and i love ti#ANON THIS WAS FANTASTIC I LOVED THIS SO MUCH. i hope you enjoyed my chaotic af ramblings
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for ppl that know my tf fan lore you would think I'd be ryu/kita pilled since I was blur/bee CEO but actually I was driven by my shock/bee instincts to be drawn to ake/kita instead <- none of these words are in the bible
#THERES A METHOD TO MY MADNESS#ok ok ok. ryu/kita. its the spunky bro electric yellow guy and the autistic weird blue guy. thats straight up blur/bee and i admit it#THE BLUE GUY IS EVEN TALLER THAN THE YELLOW GUY. ITS SO BLURBEE#but like for me. i def enjoy ryu/kita a lot but it doesnt make me crazy like blurbee does. nor ake/kita#BUT LIKE OK. THIS IS WHERE ME SAYING AKE/KITA IS LIKE SHOCK/BEE GETS INTO INSANE PPL TERRITORY#ok . for one. ermmmmmmm. shockwave .... was my first goro.#bc he has the whole. false identity meant to decive vs true identity as a villain thing. like gorby#and also i admit. i do have my v specific fan interpretation of him that makes him more sympathetic BUT ALSO THATS LIKE JUST ME.#ITS NOT IN CANON. IM AWARE OF MY DELUSION. i have fun though its ok. i separate fan interpretation from canon text. i have media literacy#the real insane part though is trying to explain why yusuke takes on a bee role.#to preface its not matching in personality. at all. they are nothing alike#its not the personality thats key here. its the role and dynamic he specifically has with shockwave#in which hes kinda a more lighter character that often gets religated as comic relief in the source material#but does have a genuine depth to him that could be taken more seriously but that usually gets ignored#and paired up with the antagonist guy with conflicting identity he pulls out a better side from them#and also they have the capacity to be sooo crazy dramas and toxic yaois and redemption like. whatever.#IM INSANE. IM INSANE IM INSANE. GOD .#i . i . i . im.... idk man i love dynamics#shock/bee still isnt like my top tf:a rarepair. but also ryu/kita isnt my top personba 5 pair . for some inexplicable reason#when i rlly enjoy both these kinds of dynamics but then sometimes it clicks with me more with certain character and a lil less with others#im a complex inexplicable enigma. but also maybe some characters just make it work better for me#i think largely overall though#im drawn to dynamics that have a hint of smth in the source and are expanded upon more in transformative material#anyway blah blah blah all that though#the real consistency is i keep having the same favorite character in stuff and its the blue autistic guy#rando thoughtz
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so my one coworker i've talked about now knows that i'm into both venom and malevolent and that i use tumblr which says an awful lot about me but then my OTHER COWORKER TODAY started talking to me about ai characters. my purse bag thingay has hal 9000 and edgar electric dreams pins on them and we've literally spoken semi at length about 2001 and how much we love hal but somehow today we got to talking about the like media trifecta of ai characters. hal glados edgar AM etc yknow. and they sent me a fucking link to a tumblr post memeing about them. i am so severely tempted to reblog but it but i DO NOT WANT to provide a tangible link to my blog. screams. anyway the meme contained halman so i was talking to them about halman LMFAOOOO. like just fucking having a casual conversation about this shit in a public space. anyway said coworker then went on a half an hour long rant about the rainworld ai and at one point they were like "five pebbles gave himself cancer" and i said how does a giant supercomputer get cancer and they said "oh. well, there's meat in there" and literally, my first reaction was to gasp and exclaim, completely serious and ecstatic, "oh i LOVE meat i LOVE when machines have meat in them." me and this coworker having a deep philosophical conversation about death and meat machines and also halman in front of our like 17 year old coworker who has an ap exam tomorrow morning and another coworker our age who's falling asleep at their desk
#im intrigued i must admit but also i told them i cant do more than one media fixation at a time#and im currently on the m@levolent kick#and they said they understand U__U#also yes i was speaking about the s4 finale at work#WAIT I THINK THATS WHAT SPARKED THIS CONVERSATION ACTUALLY#cuz they were like hey i dont listen to mal yet but i know many ppl who do and they also like this other podcast#sayer? i think its called ???#and it has an evil/morally gray ai character as the narrator#and they were like i really think you'd enjoy it since you also like ai characters. like hal 9000 my beloved#and i was like so fucking true#and thats what sparked this whole thing i guess. me fucking talking about how i had my shit rocked by 40.2 on my drive this morning#brot posts#and i may in fact look into that podcast also just againw hen im like. not so crazy insane in the membrane over mal#also im podcasted out i miss listening to music on my drives U___U#so it'll be a hot minute before i pick up anything else. if i pick up anything else
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it's fun to look through datamined stuff but I need some of you to stop getting mad at larian for scrapping ideas you thought were cool. cool doesn't mean it'll make sense in the overarching story, and maybe larian likes this version better, or sometimes ideas just didn't work well with what they had in mind. I know this first hand from writing stories, I'll have cool ideas but realize later it doesn't fit the original tone of the story. it's okay to scrap stuff, but you can always use it for something else.
also, like it or not, it's larians game first, their story, their characters (I know.), it doesn't matter if we think something is cool, the reality is that not everything works in the end. and that's fine. that's how all art is, it's alive and ever-shifting, it'll go through many, many, versions, to the point where you might get sick of chewing on the same plot, and in the end the final version might not be as good as you thought when you look back in a few months or years. and that's ok. art isn't supposed to be perfect.
everything is subjective and I think fandoms would be a more intellectual place if people learned to critique art for what it is not what it isn't.
#of course don't get me wrong i have my own issues with the game that completely counters my point#but im not gonna sit around being upset over what could've been#overall i enjoyed bg3 i wouldn't have 600hrs if i didn't#to me this is like asking why an artist painted the forest instead of the dragon that was just out of frame#ofc you think the dragon is cooler but if the artist never told you they went to the dragon forest youd appreciate the forest for what it i#in art its like. the negatives elevate your subject. sometimes less is more no matter how cool it is#idk if im making sense ive been feeling sentimental about art recently and this is my favourite philosophy when it comes to my work#this isn't to say roll over and accept any art. always be critical always be a hater but the skill is knowing when and how#also im a believer of steal like an artist so if larian had cool ideas they didn't use? guess what? yours now. go crazy#i didn't mean for this to turn into a philosophy lesson on art but. theyre related#can you tell that ive gone insane from rewriting the same story bc i couldn't decide which version i liked better. i finally got it tho yay#oh god typo in the gc.... kill him . im not fixing that#six speaks#bg3#larian critical
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