#im coming here to learn these things of course im not..... aware.... of an issue in a place where i dont live???

[roughentumble]

btw i do find it funny when people are like "you people never approach [insert foreign country here]'s media for their perspective when analyzing film" its like. well yeah ive never lived there.... so i dont have the cultural knowledge to analyze it on the level of someone who's native or has spent years studying the culture..... sorry that i didnt know about how the japanese prison system worked until i was told?

[romana-after-dark]

Room's on Fire: So Afraid

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader

Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader

Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader

Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist

Spotify playlist

Summery: Madonna learns her power.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence. Covert incest, massive mommy issues, sexual abuse all around, past grooming by parental figure. no CSA but the victim isn't much older. some Bates Motel type shit. I cannot properly warn you for everything, without just telling the story but consider this a major warning that there are dark dark themes. No one involved here is morally clean, and who you perceive as the good guy cannot be relied on. Don't come to my story and say im romanticizing these things until at least the story ends.

Extra warnings for chapter: I dont wanna spoint things so just proceed with caution. DM me if you'd like specifics before reading. I dont think its as bad as other things but.... you'll see

3.1k words (so sorry)

Support artists, like and reblog!

BTW if you dont read the lyrics usually i feel it really hits hard this time

I been alone All the years So many ways to count the tears I never change I never will I'm so afraid the way I feel Days when the rain and the sun are gone Black as night Agony's torn at my heart too long So afraid Slip and I fall and I die. ~ Go Insane, Fleetwood Mac

“He’s fucking unraveling.”

Ben is pacing inside the sanctuary, Will leaned against the wall listening to him rant. They were waiting for the others and Madonna, having to perform a healing ritual. As far as Will could tell, she was going to be okay outside the lasting scars and the mental terror, and she was past the point of miscarrying from the incident, but the people needed assurance. They needed to feel a part of something. The doors were opened other guard had seen what had happened, and from what he and Ben had heard from the rumblings of the people, they were nervous. Unsettled.

Will had to set the course straight, concocting a story of possession and torment by demons to explain Santi’s behaviors… which of course cleared Santi of responsibility but still left Delta scarred. He continued to listen to Ben’s rants.

“He’s gonna fuck it all up. Doesn’t he know more than anyone what we’re doing here? He could have killed the savior.”

“And Madonna.” Will reminds him, but Ben turns to glare at him.

“I’m aware of that. I’m aware of how important Madonna is, you don’t think I love her too? You don’t think I’ve spend every night in her bed-”

“Next to Frankie.”

Ben stopped, stepping forward and looking like he might start a fight. He was drunk, and when Ben was drunk he was either madly horny or ripe for anger fits. Will’d seen him kill a man with his bare hands at a orgy for kissing Frankie. Orgies were orgies, but Santi kept rules around Frankie, rules that had been enforced by Ben’s rage he pushed down below his crown of sunshine on his hair.

But then Frankie opened the door.

“Hey guys.” He walked in his formal wear, and Will had to admit he understood why everyone wanted a piece of him. His eyes were bright in the yellow light.

“Where’s Madonna?” Will asks.

“She’s finishing eating, Rey’s with her. I wanted to talk to you guys alone.”

Will nods.

Ben seems frustrated, crossing his arms in that pout he likes to do. ”I don’t like her alone with him.”

“He’s her personal guard, Benjamin. We have to trust him.”

He shakes his head. “We should rotate her guard so no one gets attached. You know how she breaks down everyones walls better than anyone, Frank.” There was a bit more bite than Frankie expected after the close nights they’d been spending in each other's arms next to Madonna, but when Ben was drinking it was always a bit of a guess.

“He’s her only friend. The first friend she’s had since we decided to set her dad on fire. I think we can allow her-”

“UUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH” Ben rolls his eyes and his whole head in annoyance. “Can’t she just be friends with Iris?”

Will spoke up now. “I think you ensured that won’t happen.”

“And you ensured she can’t trust Jonah” Frankie snapped, not sure why he was defending Ben. He didn’t know he did anything half the time.

Sighing, Will scrubbed his face and then held out his hands. “Both of you relax. I’ve got it taken care of. I doubt Rey has any interest in Madonna, but considering I don’t this Iris is putting out with him, we can’t be too sure. And considering what Pope did to her, we can’t have her falling into his arms. I’ve got it.”

Frankie nodded. “Rey doesn’t have eyes for anyone but Iris.”

Ben’s drunk anger shifted to his horny drunk. “To bad Madonna doesn’t have eyes for Iris.” He looked far away, smiling, no doubt thinking of their wife fucking the pretty cook. Will couldn’t deny she was beautiful… it was a wonder she was unclaimed by the time her punishment began.

A smack from Frabkie broke Ben out of his thoughts. “Ow!”

“You’re sick, you know that?”

“I can dream!”

Will was about to shout at them all to shut up when Pope opened the door. He wore a red tunic, reminding Will of pictures he’d seen of pentecost robes from the before. Not as tight as Frankie, but Frankie gained more weight in recent years. 

“Gentlemen.” He greeted, eyes raking over Frankie’s form. “Are we ready?”

Everyone nodded, Frankie doing his best to hide the anger, the furry, the disgust he felt at Santi. He could hurt him, but how dare he hurt Madonna?

Will nodded over to the entry to the church. “Frank, Ben, start the prayers. We’ll come out in a bit when Madonna arrives.”

Pope narrowed his eyes, but told Ben and Frankie to go, watching Frankie’s ass as he walked through the curtains to the congregation. 

“You couldn’t be more obvious, you know.”

He breaks Santi out of his lustful view.

“Hm?”

“Everyone knows you want Frankie more than anything. Can’t keep your eyes off him.”

Santi attempts to brush his concerns away with a whisk of his hand. “I love all my spouses.”

“You love Frankie.”

“I love him, Ben, you, Madonna.”

“You just want the savior-”

Rushing close to Will, Santi presses his chest against his lover and whispers in a harsh tone. “The savior is a part of her!”

Will grips his tunic, keeping them pulled close as he whispers in his ear. “You need. To calm. Down. Breaking her breaks the savior. Breaking her breaks the whole community. You are losing touch with reality and if you do not get. Your shit. Together. Everything will come crumbling down.” He pulls back just far rough to meet his eye and walks forward, backing Santi up until his ass hits the slab of marble they all deflowered their wife on. A faint trace of her blood remained.

Santi was panting, chest heaving and his cock rose in his robes. “Everything I do is for our community. Who do you think got her pregnant? We’re going to save this doomed earth, we’re bring The One Mighty and Strong to earth and Divine Mother will finally let us all be happy.”

“Santi…” Will caressed Santi’s face, enjoying how easily Santi submitted. Frankie was easy. Frankie melts at the simplest touch of anyone who shows him affection. Santi only submits to him. “You need to relax. She’s pregnant, and she’ll be okay. The savior is coming. You just need to-”

“Don’t tell me what to-” He begins to snap at Will, but before he can finish he’s turned around and bent over the altar. His tunic is being pulled up, and when his hands move to stop him, they are pinned down to the cold stone. “WHat are you doing?”

Spitting on his hole, Will lines his cock up at Santi’s ass and leans in. “You hurt Madonna. You need to learn a lesson.”

*

You enter at your cue, giving Rey’s hand a squeeze before he lets go to open the door. You hated this, you hated being out in public knowing everyone knew what was done to you. Will said Pope was possessed, that he was fighting a battle with the devil, spiritual warfare and he needed prayers, he needed your strength. You had to be strong for him. You forgave your husband and felt sympathy he was in so much pain… But why do you still want to recoil when he touches you? You were sleeping in your bed again, but one always accompanied you to help if the nightmares returned…. You never slept when it was Santi’s arms around you

Francisco and Ben were leading the congregation in prayers, praying for Pope’s strength in his battle and you prayed along, Francisco getting up to walk you down to the raised area. You remember, as you always did, walking down the aisle on your wedding day, unable to bare looking at them for too long, finding solace in Jonah’s eyes… Now he was talking nonsense, and you were worried about him.

The other day, early morning, you’d slipped out of Ben’s arms to find something to eat. Baby was kicking, apparently wanting sugar and you hoped Iris wasn’t up. Things were tense between you, and you could make your own pancakes. You had, of course, thanked her profusely for caring for you when… when it happened, genuinely grateful for the care she showed you… You wanted to be her friend again, god you really did, you wanted to go back to singing with Rey and her and Jonah in the kitchen… but something in the air had shifted.

Wish granted, Iris wasn’t there. Jonah was. He was drinking coffee, PJ pants slung low on his hips… No shirt. He had a lean body even at his age, hip bones prominent below the weak elastic and a trail of hair going down-

When the floor under you squeaks, Jonah stands up fully, shuffling to move behind the kitchen table. “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be alone…”

“Baby wants pancakes.” You rub your stomach. He’s not looking at you. You make a move to the cabinets, But Jonah cuts off your path.

“I got it, you should rest.”

Your shoulders slump. “I’m not a baby, I’m just carrying one. Let me do it.”

Jonah shakes his head. “Please, just… let me.” He gives you a small smile. “I know you’re not a kid. They should all be afraid of you, Madonna.”

He made good pancakes.

*

Will and Pope returned from their prayers in the sanctuary, Pope looking… Off. He looked ruffled, confused, his eyes a little glassy… maybe Will exercised the demon out?

Pope began his prayers. “Our beloved Madonna, Holy and Beautiful, our maternal bride, has suffered pain and scarring from the demonic attacks of the devil, we must pray for heeling over her body.”

Will’s hands reach for the back of your dress, lowering the zipper when you gasp, jolting away and turning back to him. “What are you doing?!” You whisper, eyes watering with panic. Francisco mutters Will’s name, but he ignores him, opting to pull you close. He cups your face, whispering in your ear.

“They need to see the wounds, Madonna. They need to see you’re healing, they're worried.”

“But… I don’t wanna be naked, Will.” You turn to glance at the crowd, catching Pope glare. You shiver. “There’s people here who made fun of me…”

His fingers lay your hair down. “It’s just your dress, Madonna. Don’t worry, we’re right here. Trust me.” 

Echoes of the past flitter in your head.

I’m going to touch you, just stand there and take it. Trust me.

Will unzipped your dress, the fabric pooling down around your ankles. Murmurs wave over your body, whispers from the people who loved you. Were they mocking you? Were they laughing?

Just down to her underwear, Francisco.

Your bandages were off, but the skin was marred horrifically. It was bad enough those in the back could see it spreading over your pregnant stomach. Were there jealous women in the crown? Your dorm mates that didn’t understand why you were chosen?

Will’s hands find the clasp of your bra, and you tense again. “Will?”

“Just relax, Madonna. Relax for me. Don’t worry.”

It’s just me, it’s just external, don’t worry.

When his hands went for your underwear, you didn’t protest. 

You stood naked, your scared body on display for the whole congregation.

Your husbands stood at your side, each laying a hand on your stomach as the crowd began to pray. You felt like you were being punished, humiliated. What did you do wrong? Your lip quivers, panic rising in your chest again. No, no you would not melt down here. You see a woman who was particularly nasty to you… she tried to make you eat a worm because you didn’t say hi to her when you were 10 and she was 12… You were in one of your “no talking episodes” as your dad called them, the playground was too loud, your new bra you had to wear adding a sensation to your skin you hated… she took it personal, and tormented you for the next 12 years. She was smirking. 

You feel Ben’s hand on your ass, coping a feel.

You think of Will’s lies.

You look at Santi, his eyes only on your stomach. 

You look at Francisco, not saying the prayers and looking at Be’s hand on your ass.. Did you and the baby even matter to him? Why was he so disconnected?

You didn’t feel sad anymore.

You were angry.

“Kneel.”

Your voice, while quiet, makes the four of them turn to you, surprised by you. But no one moves.

“Kneel. If you’re praying for my healing, kneel.” You don’t look at them.

Santi speaks. “We don’t kneel to you, Madonna. You kneel to us.”

Your body wants to shake, you want to fold like you do every time a boundary is crossed but you don’t. 

“I am carrying the savior. I am more important than your ego.” You say, firm in your stance and keeping your voice steady. “Pray to the divine mother to protect me, if you really want this child,” you turn to Pope. “And to forgive your sins.” You turn to Francisco now, his eyes wide with fear. “Get on your knees. I know you know how.”

There was a beat of silence, everyone waiting for Pope’s movement, you knew. Then, Francisco kneels to you. Then Will. Then Pope. Then Ben, only ever following in what the others do.

When they do, a hush falls over the crowd.

You raise your arms, shouting. “We pray for a hedge of protection around me and my child.”

A voice from the crowd shouts, “hail to the mother and the savior!”

All throughout the room, the congregation echos the sentiments, shouting your praises as the smile grew on your face. They adored you. They loved you. Standing naked wasn’t humiliating, it was power. You feel Francisco’s thumb caress over your bare skin. He smiles as he mouths ‘Hail to the mother.’

*

You were running high on the endorphins, even excited enough to ride Will’s dick despite your protruding stomach. It was an amazing high, knowing the power you held, the power to make Santiago- Pope, you mean- to make Pope kneel at your command… he owed you. He owed you this. When Will fell asleep, you were still wide awake, unable to get the giddiness out of your system… So you slip a nightie over your body, pulling panties on and sneak out of the room. Jonah had said he’d make you more pancakes tonight if you were hungry and boy, baby was hungry. Rey, as predicted, was snoring in his chair and you have to stifle a giggle as you creepy past him, bare feet light on the wood flooring. 

The kitchen was dark, no Jonah… maybe you should go get him. Turning on the kitchen lights you go to exit out the other door, the servants entrance leading to the rooms of Jonah, Iris, and the other guards, but when you did, Jonah was there.

Right away, you knew something was wrong. He wreaked of alcohol, looked like he hadn't slept in days and was piss drunk, stumbling into the kitchen so hard he crashed into you. 

“Jonah-oh- I… was gonna take you up on the pancakes…” You mutter, backing away. “But maybe I can make some for you, you seem-”

He catches your wrist.

“I don’t want pancakes.” His voice is gruffer than you ever have known it. Pressing you against the counter, he crowds you in. 

Your heart beat picks up, instincts telling you to run, run, run…. But you can’t.

“What… what are you…”

His lips brush your neck before you can blink, his movements clunky and strange. “I want you.”

You try to push him away, but he’s much stronger. “Jonah stop! You’re talking crazy, you haven't been well, please, just-” Again, you try to wiggle away but his hand grabs your waist. “Just go to bed.”

Jonah scoffs, laughing sardonically. “Just like that? I tell you I want to fuck you and you say to sleep it off? Jesus christ, do you have no survival instincts? At all?”

“Please… please stop touching me Jonah…” You want to stop feeling his breath on your skin. “I won’t tell anyone. Just stop!” The tears come, crying and scared and trying to smack his hands away desperately and still trying to push out of his grasp.

“You should be screaming, honey, what is wrong with you?” His hand grips your hip, and you need him away from your baby, now.

With a closed mouth scream, you kick his shin and the shock is enough for him to let go so you take off, but he gives chase. Once again, you are pinned to the door. You knew you could scream. You start screaming, and Rey, or Will, or any of the others will be on their way in seconds and you’d be safe… ‘’

“Why are you doing this?” You sob in his arms, his fingers entangling in your hair. He pulls on it, and you close your mouth intime to not yell.

His hand caresses down your arm, making you shiver and feel so, so sick to your stomach. “God dammit, have the broken every fucking piece of you? Is that it?” Why was he so angry at you? What did you do wrong? Did you tempt him? He hand on your waste again, he keeps almost moving it up towards your breasts or down to your ass but never going far. Jonah rests his forehead on yours. “Why won’t you SCREAM!” He shouts his last word so loud in your face, the strong smell of alcohol bursting on your skin and you shout out loud.

“BECAUSE THEY’LL KILL YOU!” Your whole body heaves, panicing and you feel you might throw up. “ThEY’LL KILL YOU AND I’LL LOSE MY DAD AGAIN!”

His face turns into something pained, and while his hand reminds gripped in your hair to keep you there, he pulls back just enough for you to see him run a hand over his wet face. Right before he slammed it through the wall. You couldn’t help it, your body forced you to scream before your mouth stopped the voice, Jonah’s fist curling tightening and pulling your hair against your scalp as you continued to shout. He continued to punch the wall next to your head.

When Will burst through the door, everything went blank. As soon as Jonah was pulled off you, your body slid down the wall where you watched Will pummel Jonah. At some point, arms were wrapped around you, but you couldn’t tell if it was Rey or Frankie. Only the smell of weed narrowed it down.

You didn’t hear much, your ears ringing as you watched blood fly out of Jonah's mouth. Muffles words weren't as loud as the beats to Jonah's body. You were sure other people were in the room... there was shouting... but you couldn't see anything except Jonah going limp, only jolting weakly at each slam of Will's fists.

You aren’t even sure how you made it back to bed.

Shout out to @hornystan for editing, our beloved Frankie in his formal wear

Okay. So that happened.

JONAH what are you DOING BESTIE??????

PLEASE leave your THOOOTTSS and THOUGHTS!!! Frankie kneelings? Madonna chaneling hr anger??? Jonah doing... ALL THAT!!!!!!!

What are we thinking?

love you all so much! I know theres a lot of bullshit happening in the fandom but just know, dont trust everything you hear. I know at the very least one person the stupid confessions page is attacking is genuinely a kind, amazing person who was in the right <3 If there is a writer you dont think is nice or friendly enough... just keep it to yourself or talk to a few friends. You dont need to air it out publically.

Lets keep it chill, I say to me and my uuhhhh 30 readers B)

ANYWAY

Im like 60 followers away from 1000 followers on this account and i have a fun event planned!!!

I did this poll befoe, but its been like 10 chapters soooooooo

Save the children (which has absolutely nothing to do with QAnon who hijacked their hashtag) our currently supporting relief efforts in the Congo above our listed some quick facts that I hope you’ll take a moment to read, and if you can afford it, please consider making a donation. I have made a small one, but if we band together small donations make a difference

LOVE YOU ALL!

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[roe-and-memory]

headcanons

hi tumblr ihave like three headcanons to share currently (there will be more soon i just need to see how well theyre taken, do we like headcanons on here??)

(based off of him not having headlights but how i perceive it humanized even though racecars cant have headlights in Real Life) lightning has light sensitivity issues with his vision . he cannot see. the sun is too bright sometimes and if its dark he will trip over one of the floorboards in docs house, no matter how many times hes walked this floor. (hes very prone to tripping Always but it just gets worse when its dark) (he has rips in the knees of every single pair of jeans he owns)

docs old sunglasses have his name lasered into the arm, lightning found them basically untouched in a box in docs garage. he pulls them out and starts using them when its too bright outside and doc has learned to just hand them over whenever lightning shows up like

2. lightning just. doesnt sleep ?? he is 100% an insomniac and his nightmares are to blame. he would rather work himself to exhaustion than willingly sleep at a normal time. cue him spending most nights out in the fields or at the junkyard with mater building things or whatever until mater is the one to be like ok im tired im going to bed and lightning is forced to go back home, climb back through his bedroom window, and stare at the ceiling until he passes out. he hates sleeping because every night, without fail, he has nightmares. vivid nightmares about whatever his brain can think of, and when he does sleep hes basically fighting his sheets for five hours because of these nightmares, and then he wakes up early and goes about his day as if he wasn't at war with literal demons 20 minutes ago.

doc knows about these nightmares, of course he does, he's a light sleeper and lightnings room is just across the hall, he's also completely aware that the kid sneaks out the window every night because, although lightning is quiet around the house, he is not too graceful when hes attempting to climb out the window -- he's fallen into the bush beneath it countless times.

because of this, doc has tried everything to help him with the nightmare issue, from melatonin to getting him to just write down whatever he was dreaming about to show himself it wasnt real, and absolutely none of it worked. in fact, melatonin seemed to make it worse, and doc gave up there.

3. doc wears a silver "wedding" band. he's not married, in fact he's never been interested in having a partner or getting married at all (i dub thee aroace) but when he was younger he was certainly eye candy for girls at the racetrack and they fawned over him like nobodies business. he comes up with the great idea to get a silver ring and lie, he makes up some tragic backstory to tell whenever a woman asks him why he has a ring or who the lucky person is, and it makes them back of pretty quickly. in reality, the ring is made from a small wheel bearing, and smokey made it for him when he asked because he thought it was funny as hell and was like yes sure but pls make it sound ridiculous . and dont ever tell the same story twice. confuse them.

word gets around and he's told multiple different stories so everyone is confused, but if someone questions him he just gives them a Look and they shut up about it.

even after his crash and his inevitable leave from the piston cup and thomasville, along with his change of address, he continued to wear the ring just in case he got recognized or something.. (it was for aesthetic reasons, he loves that ring its just his signature thing now)

ok... thats it for now, is this how things get formatted here??? do we Like this???

[tonydaddingham]

the analysis on aziraphale that exactly one person asked for✨ and that i churned out at a speed that surprised even me, but i wanted to get it out without having seen s2 on 26th/28th and therefore being influenced in any way with further aziraphale content...

anyway, i said in an ask that i find aziraphale really challenging and emotional to analyse but by god am i going to do my best✨ (im not sure when exactly i gained the emerging reputation for calling out two of my favourite literary characters, but we move-)

aziraphale has a real big issue with faith, misplacing that faith, and turning that faith into idolising certain things. now the obvious one is the blind, naive faith in heaven. there's also arguably, at times, issues with his faith in humanity, in that his faith was placed elsewhere (see above re: heaven). but lastly, he also has an issue with his faith in crowley. ive waxed lyrical on the last one already, but didn't really delve into the effect that this has directly on crowley, so let's touch in this a little now.

similarly to what i feel about crowley, i think that whilst aziraphale has a more natural affinity for kindness and compassion, im not entirely convinced that he is inherently a good person - certainly not in the show, in any case.

he is however certainly more 'good' than the majority of his kin. and not all of that is due to his literal being an angel, because we know first hand that being angelic is not synonymous with good. we know that other angels actively distort the perception of their association with 'good' (michael when talking to ligur, "of course you can trust me... im an angel!") to benefit themselves. ultimately, the literal antithesis of altruism, and so it can't be the case that aziraphale has propensity for good just because he's an angel.

as far as we are aware, he has had the relatively same experiences, on earth particularly, as crowley. the only notable exception to this is the fall, which obviously aziraphale did not go through. crowley comes out of the fall, in my opinion, very much stuck at that point in time, and hasn't truly moved on or grown from it, mentally or emotionally. so all of his experiences through the next 6000 years have been endured whilst he's still in this almost childlike mindset. this mindset might be due to (if we're applying human emotional concepts here) abandonment trauma, and a part of me agrees, but i think its predominantly out of bitterness, resentment, and possibly even arrogance and plain denial.

aziraphale however did not go through the fall, and therefore when we see him skipping through time and into the present day (s1 era), he still holds a stake of faith in heaven and its machinations. however, what sets him apart from the other angels is that he has had experiences that they have not, by virtue of being on earth and experiencing first- and second-hand the repurcussions that heaven's games have on humanity... the community that aziraphale is now essentially exiled to be a part of. part of what aziraphale has learnt, i think (and was pointed out very succinctly by the Longwinded Anon✨ in a previous ask - now officially their name), is literally how to learn from error.

aziraphale's faith in heaven gets torn down when he realises that they are choosing to retcon humanity just to be able to prove to hell that they are superior. this is something that aziraphale ultimately perpetuated in his compliancy and inaction where heaven's overall agenda is concerned, but also in his blind faith that heaven surely wouldn't want the earth destroyed, god's ultimate creation... surely not? well, that proves to be the case, and aziraphale finally twigs that heaven was not a Good Place. it was his error - his blind faith in and subservience to heaven - but he learns from it.

his faith in humanity is still a work in progress for most of s1, in that he has one foot in thinking that they are capable of great things, but also one foot out because he knows that they have capacity to wreak utter horror and terror all by themselves (just as crowley remarks time and time again). however, he has his growth moment where this is concerned, in the form of accepting that humanity is truly a mix of both good and evil, and that without one, humanity cannot truly be defined as the other. he expresses this revelation to adam during the timestop; that adam is human incarnate by being neither good nor evil, but perhaps a mix of both. it feels like an apology, an apology that could be interpreted as one aziraphale is giving to all of humankind. he's apologising for not committing to his faith in them. it was an error - but he learns from it.

but what about crowley? well, as already agonised over, he goes so far in having faith in crowley that, in my opinion, he's built crowley in his mind to be someone else entirely, and yet somehow exactly who crowley is. aziraphale knows that crowley is altogether a bit of a bastard (understatement, frankly), but he trusts that crowley will always know what the right - good - thing to do is. is this misguided, misplaced? yes, i think it is. and i think crowley knows this, at least on some level, and again in his arrogance takes advantage of this.

but what effect does aziraphale's faith have on crowley? well, i don't necessarily think it has a detrimental effect on him, because i think it ultimately benefits crowley - who, again, in his childlike mindset still, has someone who believes in him and will follow him and want to know him. id even say that crowley, faced with the prospect that one wrong move he could end up truly alone, will peversely do some pretty questionable things to keep this. a specific highlight being the tempting aziraphale to kill warlock; if he were truly trusting in aziraphale, i think he'd actually ask and explain why he needs aziraphale to do it instead of him. instead, he tries to tempt him into it and giving him quite underhanded rationalisations as to why it's necessary. this comes to a head at the bandstand when aziraphale flips this on its head, and suggests that given that he's an angel, and crowley is a demon, it should be crowley that does it.

this is where i come to the point where i think aziraphale fails as a friend and possibly is equally damaging to crowley as vice versa; he holds his status as an angel over crowley's head. he remarks pretty consistently throughout that crowley is a demon, and he is an angel; whilst on one level this is just simply an observation, it also feels like he has to clarify the power and status imbalance for a specific reason. im not necessarily clear on what this reason is, but my main thought is that it's out of insecurity with his place in heaven, amongst the angels, on earth... and with crowley.

he seems to constantly need to reassert himself as the better of the two, and at times can be outright patronising ("I am an angel, you are a demon, we are hereditary enemies... get thee behind me, foul fiend!"). now some of this equally is for comedy's sake, and in part for exposition to us as the viewer, but the clear integral theme for me is that he expects crowley to just accept it, and not to challenge it. because of course, how could crowley challenge it? it's true, it's a fact.

but the way i kind of interpret these moment is that aziraphale reiterates it very purposefully whenever crowley begins to toe the line of, 'im a demon but i might possibly want to be better than a demon... not an angel, per se, but just better'. so we can take this as crowley finally wanting to move on from his Fall-mindset, and he needs the support of his friend to do it, but his friend won't let him due to his own insecurity and instability. does he fear that crowley would supplant him? or that crowley would stop needing him? start pulling away from him, when all this time these two lonely individuals have danced around in orbit of each other, locked together in a holding pattern borne out of their respective co-dependent necessity for each other?

aziraphale's ultimately a very lonely individual; crowley was, for whatever reason he fell, ripped away from the kinship and camaraderie that he felt in heaven. but aziraphale wasn't shown this kind of perverse mercy; he has to feel the debilitating agony of knowing that on paper he still belongs, but that instead he's ostracised from heaven because of who he inherently is and has continued to become because of his experiences in earth. it stands to reason therefore that he puts crowley on a pedestal as aziraphale originally saw, and wants to see, him. he selfishly (imo) keeps trying to contain crowley, because if he changed, and then suddenly found he doesn't have any need of aziraphale anymore... well, what purpose would remain for aziraphale, a purpose that he truly cares about, if crowley's dependency were to disappear?

where would that leave aziraphale?

[terraliensvent]

i was mistaken

anons i come to you today with an apology, my previous post seems to be based on a metric fuckton of lies and misinfo

to start, im gonna link this post, which goes over the origin of this whole issue

im also gonna go ahead and be done with censoring red, since the cat's kinda out of the bag on their edentity and its necessary for proper proof. Red = legion in all screencaps

so after my post was dropped, Red was also making their own somewhat callout on TH. i dont know if it's been deleted since frankly I don't care to find it. anyways

my post and Red's callout were both dropped like bombs in terra server, there was a lot of arguing and zaga actually gave a screen recorded video of DMs they had on instagram with Red. this was pretty damning, and lots of people came back to Red to try and figure out what really happened, seeing as Red had presented the situation as:

they were banned unfairly and out of nowhere

they had no clue who could have made the complaint

the only person who could have made it was zaga, who had issues with them based on a debate months ago and they since hadnt really interacted with them

well this turned out to be a whole crock of bullshit!

first, red showed a screencap that their last interaction with zaga was actually a week ago as opposed to being a “months old issue that is getting dragged back up” (link)

then, Red sent these screenshots that completely changed the narrative. we went from "this guy i had an argument with a few months ago is trying to get me banned everywhere" now to "i was saying crazy shit about this guy and now theyre reasonably upset with me"

here's the full gallery of proof against Red, courtesy of zaga

and here's a discussion a few people had with zaga relating to it, gives some good context and really wraps the whole thing up

as a small afterword i want to apologize for playing a part in the spread of misinfo, hopefully this post is proper retribution for that (i do consider myself more of a reporter above all else) additionally, while it's clear now who is in the wrong/right here, there are still critiques to be made on the handling of the situation on the part of terraliens staff. The caginess with any sort of proof makes it difficult for someone to truly know what they're even being banned for, and what accusations they're defending against. the argument could be made that if proper context from staff was given, this situation wouldn't have even unfolded, but of course hindsight is 20/20. in the future it might be better to give better context or evidence to the banned person so they know what they're supposed to be proving incorrect, as opposed to saying "someone said you're harassing them, prove you didn't."

As for the others who played a part in spreading my post, I don't mean to speak for them, however it does seem like many are regretful after now seeing the full picture. since the argument was made that both sides should be heard, it was a pretty big oversight to not look for the OTHER other side in this; i think most are painfully aware of that now.

in conclusion:

do not harass anyone here. im gonna give all parties the benefit of the doubt and say that:

Legion is a misinformed, immature kid who really handled this like shit, and its probably best that theyre banned and blocked by zaga all things considered (this isnt a reason to like, pray on their downfall though. just ignore them at worst, sure they fucked up here but it seems they really just need to become more mature and learn more about best practices when interacting and dear god do not shit talk people like that)

Zaga was telling the truth about this situation. have whatever opinions you want to have about isopups or them outside of this, but there is no denying that legion presented a false situation and zaga was in fact being continually messaged and had rumors spread about them from legion

the outsiders/orbiters of the situation were given a false injustice and ran with it. personally i cant say i blame them a ton for wanting to spread the word about what seemed to be YET ANOTHER terra staff oversight, because so many people just want to bury their heads in the sand about every issue that goes on here. additionally, upon learning that the situation was severely different from how it was originally presented, many turned around and began critiquing legion for the shit they did.

i think thats about enough coverage of this, im gonna refrain from posting asks i get about the situation trying to paint a different picture since honestly it doesnt seem like it needs much more dissection. lets not beat a dead horse.

[deevotee]

Vampire Finny being the most loyal of the crew hell probably more than Sebastian when it comes to protecting Ciel. Finny over time and years of being with Ciel becomes Seb's fledgling learning how to be head of the house and eventually does so while Sebastian works in the shadows being Ciel's true guardsman. Idk it'd be an interesting dynamic concerning the passage of time and of course Finny does the Gardening, he insists to do it regardless of his already huge workload.

anon i've been having a shitty day and this ask just turned it right around im love you for this yes to all of this

honestly even canon finny and sebastian fight for the spot of being ciels most loyal person so this is right on point but i LOOOOVE the thought of seb taking finny under his wing to be the head of house and ciels right hand man oh my god

in canon too i feel like he would be the most susceptible to manipulation by seb and ciel to be okay with sebastian being a demon, like he'd be pissed that sebastian wants to eat him but it would also make him want to be ciels right hand even more and i feel like it would work even better in an au where they're all already supernatural beings. i had in my mind that vampirism maybe comes from drinking demon blood and can get passed on when i originally made the vampire posts so maybe they just reveal that to him here so they can have someone within the household whos In The Know when things go south, or maybe sebastian needs to pretend to be dead for some reason and they need ciels next right hand man to be aware hes not actually? either way i love it

finny doing his best to learn how to be a good right hand man, maybe he's not great as a butler but he tries so hard. he wouldnt learn as quickly as sebastian did (partly because he's got canon learning issues and cuz sebs demon ass retains info faster than a human) BUT he could get help from tanaka too and over the years become better and better. and he absolutely would still do the gardening, it would tire him out so much but he'd be so dedicated that ciel wouldnt have the heart to tell him to hire a new gardener. with every cup of blood he serves he'd put a flower on the tray for ciel who tells him its silly but always takes the flowers and holds them like a lovesick teenager when finny leaves the room <3

god and to add in some vampire flavor, whenever ciel is sick or injured, he immediately will offer up his wrist or neck or anything else for ciel so his blood will help him heal faster, and if anyone says anything about it he simply states "i'm ciels right hand man, of course I would do this for him ^-^" (while secretly getting really excited and lovestruck whenever ciels got his teeth in him because he chose finny to drink from and not someone else)

im too tired to think of any more at the moment but i love this still and thank you for this ask

[yvtro]

https://at.tumblr.com/scintillyyy/ah-thank-you-for-the-correction-you-are-correct/nwppbs9d8f1g

That whole thread really highlight how lonely Jason's Robin run was. Honestly it makes me sad how he didn't have many friends back then compare to others. He had Eddie but even then dc forget about them.

i don't really agree with lots of points in this thread, mainly because of tim exceptionalism (or the main character complex, whatever you want to call it) + it assumes that things that happened pretty much only because of jason's death would still occur.

having said so, i do agree that jason's robin run was (in a way) incredibly lonely!

now, personally i don't think that jason noticed it much, but that's part of the problem. i have touched upon it briefly in my other posts about vigilante/civilian identity (look: here, for example), and i think it's worth to make a quick comparison of pre-crisis vs post-crisis jay.

so, tldr, pre-crisis jason is shown to have a whole life at school, he has friends and even a romantic interest. post-crisis jason has none of that. we see him working for an extra credit at school, but if i recall it right (might have been a pre-crisis story retroactively included in canon though) the only time we actually see him *in* school is when he thinks about how he would like to join the theatre but doesn’t have time for that because of robin responsibilities. we don’t see him having any social life outside of robin, but also as a member of the community he doesn’t have anyone close his age. his cameo in titans is very dear to me, and you know, as a person with siblings i will tell you, you can absolutely be friends with your older brother’s friends, but we don’t ever see him developing a lasting bond with any of them (which is also because he died quite soon after that. i’m not saying that donna, for example, didn’t care about him, but i don’t think they had a chance to grow very close).

there's eddie, sure, but even that relationship is that of penpals, and by the time jason comes back from the dead, eddie is completely retconned, so it's safe to assume that in the current continuity they have never known each other at all.

i'm not going to comment on dc trying to sell the concept of roy and jay being childhood friends in n52.

so i’m thinking, you can make an argument about how jason knows little besides vigilantism, but i believe there’s an additional layer to how even his “nightlife” (debatable term btw, we see robin jay operating in daylight along with batman all the time but i guess that was a whole another era) focuses pretty much on bruce and no one else. he really doesn’t know much beyond batman and robin.

and it obviously wasn't really the writers' intention, i bet it's mostly the result of the fact that they weren't really interested in exploring his character much, but jay's world is so very narrow and centres around bruce. and i can see how bruce wouldn't really see any problem in it at first, because (while it's not really canon, as there's a time skip and we don't even get to see how he settles into the manor, nor much of his training period) it is safe to assume that it took some time for jay to gain bruce's trust and to get used to a role of a child (since he was used to fending for himself/presumably being briefly a caretaker for his mother before). so when the kid finally learns that he can depend on bruce and actively seeks him out, that's great. it took so much to coax him into allowing to be cared for, now the issue is solved. (wrong.)

i think it really puts post-resurrection jay's mentality in perspective (even if winick did not intend it this way; he clearly had no interest in jay's 80s characterisation). of course jason's anger, disappointment, and feelings of betrayal focus on bruce; bruce was everything he had. at this stage, he doesn't know much beside him, and being robin.

and i don't think that jason then was quite aware that he was lonely. he had his dad, which was the most important thing for him for a while, he had alfred. dick might not have been home much, but their interactions we got to see were meaningful, and flashbacks (such as the famous ski trip) suggest that they did spend more time together. babs was around. he probably made so many brief connections with gothamites in his time as robin too.

it all becomes a problem when jason grows. when he can't see a line between being a robin and a son, and looks for another parental figure, and he doesn't have anyone to talk to about it. everyone he has a lasting relationship with is part of the family that he worries he doesn't belong to, so he just resolves to find someone new to depend on.

it becomes a problem when he digs himself out of grave, and later comes back to gotham, and there's such a limited number of people he can (or could, if he wanted) turn to.

i also believe that even if the plot of 'a death in the family' never occured, the fact that he went from a hyper-independent parentified child to someone who spends most of his time with his dad or alone (and i don't think he minded alone time all that much at first) would backfire otherwise. i'm joking, but at this point there probably would be some separation anxiety, on both sides.

i just wish i could grip jay with bbq tongs and put him in east gotham to allow him to stay in touch with his community. of course he probably was around there as robin a lot, but as a civilian? i doubt it.

[ducknotinarow]

MM Raphael - All Symbol Headcanons please uwu

| Send me a symbol and I will write a headcanon about…  For multimuse blogs, please specify! *disclaimer I aint a spoiler free blog I have stated before like with Helluva Boss, this is your warning now there are spoilers in this post.*

I love this little gremlin boy so much. look at his smile pure gremlin uwu from the full trailer we got I knew I would be satisfied with this take on Raph. I can be kind of picky but that's just cause Raph was a character I always loved. I do like that Raph's anger issue was his only character trait least not like all he is about but that they did focus on the fact Raph dose just kind of like to fight in general. I like that he is sort of aware of it though and seems to try and handle it but clearly doesn't know so he turns it towards his more violent tendencies. And dose seem to try and not take it out on people around him. He has anger in him and he's trying which is why I love that he seems to turn towards sports at the end of the movie cause its not often a part of Raphael shows often give much attention to that he loves sports too. I look forward to more from this franchise with my boy ;3; I really just like that you can see for all of the boy they know who they wanna be but havent quite learned who they are.

𝓕 : My muse’s handwriting. (Is it good, bad, difficult to decipher, do they prefer writing by hand or with the help of some form of machine, e.t.c.) 

"I'm not the best with uh spellin, " One of the more stylized writing styles clearly. The boy haven't had proper education for years so I feel they learned a lot from what they saw and Raph liked the subway graffiti they would see when making their way back home and learned to make it his writing style. Raph tries to control his emotions carefully emphasis on tries here of course. Draws attention to himself as seen in a lot of fights he tends not to care much for the whole be stealthy thing when it comes to a fight. Even crowing to get said attention before jumping in. Raph has a more out going personality shown from his large lettering. The gaping in his writing shows Raph enjoys his freedom.

Tends to take being grounded from the surface not well at all and pitting the blame toward Leo. Being able to explore the surface is the only real freedom he had and he dose carry this thought into going to school. Of course the heavy pen pressure come from tension and anger he has. That he doesn't full know the best way to deal with yet. I think having Beep bop and Rock steady however will help a bit but having a friend who gets it will do him even more wonders since they are closer in age. Despite being outgoing the slant of his writing shows Raph is a bit reserved which we see when it comes to April he doesn't talk as much as the other do or did when around her compared to how he is around his brothers even around the other mutants he was a tad more reserved here and there. Or outside of fights. Im pretty positive they will likely be like Splinterson considering Splinter isn't Yoshi but I would be to surprised if they didn't find a way to make use of Hamato for this verse but i'm not changing my tag XD so still under Hamato even if he won't be using that name unless stated he will be Splinterson in MM.

✈ : My muse and  traveling. (If they do it frequently and why, if they never left their home town, e.t.c.)

"Hmm I've been in the sewers, the subway, roof tops shipping yards-" Currently Raphael has only ever been around New York, they have gone to some pretty well know locations like Central Park or Madison Square garden, or stadiums but have yet to ever be out of New York. Of course, he likes the idea of maybe seeing more now that he's able to go to the surface. But hard to say if everyone is still willing to change their tune about Mutants. Even if they have been shown as Hero's this doesn't fully mean everyone and everywhere is ready to accept them or willing.

✿ : My muse and nature. (If they are an ‘outdoorsy type’, like the sound of bird’s singing, if they have never set foot in a forest, e.t.c.) 

"Ehhh I dunno 'bout that. 'ike i'll go I guess if I gotta?"

Despite living in hiding this guy is a pretty much a city guy at heart he is so used to the loud sound of a buzzing and bustling city. But with his wild energy he might love going out to the woods.

☼ : My muse’s first memory. (Where it was, who was with them, how this memory makes them feel, e.t.c.) 

"uh dunno I kind remember stuff as a kid like havin' nightmares and going to pops." I feel Raphael dose vaguely remember the one time Splinter took him and his brothers up to the surface.They seemed young but were able to start their training not long after. Raph sometimes had nightmares about the man that chased after them and would be the one to wake everyone else up and go to Splinter to sleep with. Dad is safe after all ;3;

☙ : My muse’s favourite food. (Bonus: A memory, be it good or bad, associated with said food.)

"Dose bulk up count as a food?"

Course it's pizza, but the bulk up in the crate during their shopping time was funny to me. Of course Raph always remembers the first time Splinter got his hands on a pizza for them. It was some of the first human food they ever tried and the most beautiful thing Raph has ever seen at that time in his life.

♬ : My muse and music. (What type of music they like listening to and in what context, what music they would never listen to, e.t.c.)

"Drake! he's the g.o.a.t!" Raphael likes Rap and R&B the most when it comes to music he dose enjoy Rock and heavy metal as well of course. But his favorite artis is Drake and if he could meet a celebrity he would want it to be Drake. he watched Degrassi solely because he found out Drake acted on that show. He might have a slight crush on the dude but he hasn't really figured that out himself. He also likes DJ Khaled, and Lil Wayne but course hes got his usual go to. He dose like a bit of pop as well here and there. He also will never admit it but some of the stuff Donnie listens to is kind of okay as he would phase it.

↺ : My muse and the past. (Do they live in the past and struggle to let go of past grievances, or move on more easily, is there anything in their past they want to forget, e.t.c.) 

"Eh I sort of do maybe?"

Raphael in a way dose in that he's very aware of the situation he was once in, forever made to hide away from a word he just wants to be part of. Surrounded by the same four faces all his life. It sort of feeds into the little freedom he has and more he'll get. Raphael just wants to be able to meet more people experience things he never got to before all because he never really got to live before, not like how humans do at least. Going to school just being on the top of that list simply because it's such a normal mundane thing but something he thought he never have. That it never even occurred to him that humans themself sometimes aren't all given those same freedoms he thinks they are lucky to have.

☾ : My muse and sleep. (How much they sleep, how much they wish to sleep, if there is something that never fails to put them to sleep, e.t.c.) 

"Eh not 'ike i got much a bed time? oh guess I do now?" Raph's used to staying up late seeing as it was the only time him and his brothers were able to out and about that Splinter could agree on with at least. So Raphael is far more used to being active at night over during the day going to take a lot is adjusting to the change least during the school week. Raphael likes to be up late still often going to bed late in night school night or not. Getting to sleep can be a bit of struggle so he tries to tire himself out in all the ways they tell you not to like aimlessly using the internet thinking he'll pass out. Sometimes he dose but ends up leaving his phone playing videos because of it. So it's always low on battery.

✧ : My muse and art. (If they have an artistic side or not and why, favourite artist if they have one, e.t.c.) 

"I like the stuff I seen on the streets." I pick his writing style for a reason Raphs a fan of street art, he has watched humans in the cover of the night work on their own street art. Murals, tags and such that they come across the city always tends to catch his eye he thinks it looks cool. When he was learning to write he really wanted to sort of have a style like what he saw. Raph tends to doodle out his name and even brothers names with designs things he thinks fits each of them. Course later hell add another name with some hockey sticks and such. It's far more like graffiti he dose and sticker art. He came across some name tag stickers and will put his stuff on that to slap around the city when him and his brothers would run around for their errands in the past. Usually slapped on to the back of signs, street lights, even some bollards, or billboards. It's mostly either his name "raph" or styled stuff showing Sai.

❃ : My muse and social media. (If the muse is/would be on social media and why/why not, their general opinion on it, e.t.c.) 

"Eh I sort use it?"

Raphael lurked in the past mostly making use of video platforms. He has a bad habit of falling asleep when watching tiktok and sending the videos to his brothers accounts. Once they get into school he will use twitter and snapchat, so to be in contact with some of the friends he's made. but he mostly sticks to texting apps like discord or whatsapp. Raphael just isn't much for social media but it was kind of the only way he could be part of the human world, so he did use it to just watch stuff. Mostly used it to watch dumb videos he found funny or keep track of news of stuff he was interested in. Like following Music Artis he likes.

✉  : My muse and others. (If they social and outgoing or more introverted, and why. If they prefer communicating with others face to face or in written form, e.t.c.). 

"I finally got some human friends so 'hats cool." As I mentioned before Raphael is pretty out going in general, he's not shy or even close to being an intervert himself. But he can be a tad reserved as a person. When it came to meeting and being around April of course he doesn't shy away from talking and answering questions but he dose tend to hang back a tad. When they met superflys crew Raph sort of did the same once the idea of afight was dropped with this reveal. We do see him pretty ecstatic around Beep bop and Rocksteady however but he still seems the most comfortable around his brothers even when at the Dance he's a bit more playful with them. But we can see him being open around the kids hes befriending. He's a friendly person and likely willing to talk to anyone but it takes him a moment to warm up and be more okay with all his sides being shown.

Raph still wants very much to meet someone who just understands him in a way most don't. Raphael knows he has a lot of anger issue to work through and he tries to handle that best he can but it has made him pretty interested in things that come off more violent like things. Sport, horror movies, fighting in general. Raph isn't a bad person or even trying to be intimating well outside a fight of course, but his interest likely will sort of give him a rep in school as a tough kid, scary dog privilege basically. Look big and mean but when you know Raph? once again scary dog privilege hes loyal and pretty loving very outwardly at that.

Why meeting Casey is such a thing. Casey and Raph hold a bit of rivalry since Raph going into school he wants to just try out for every sport the school has to offer. Of course, this meant the hockey team as well. Raph liked the more contact sports like football over soccer so he tried for the team along with another kid. They were both good but the coah wasn't sure who to pick. Raph wasn't fully set on it but this stupid kid picking a fight with him made him a tad petty so they wound up getting into a fight. To which even after going home with a black eye he told Splinter in a very excited manner he had made a friend. Sure Raph has some like friends least kids he could get along with but I feel thats more outta of convince. Casey is the first person he kind of opens up around to with stuff he hasn't with his brothers even. That got long TDLR: Raph can be reversed and def has the aura of a scary dog like a pit bull so people can be a tad turned off from getting too close to him and his over ethuism for certain things. He got some humans hes friendly with who gotten past that but he can be a tad reserved deepening how comfortable he gets with someone else. And much like many dogs like Pits? Hes actually very friendly, and welcoming.

▶ : My muse and level of education. (If the muse has some form of education, what education they perhaps wish they had, e.t.c.). 

"I only now going to school so?"

Anything Raph dose know was taught by splinter or something he abosrd growing up. I don't see him being the best student when it comes to school either. He dose great in subjects like Gym and even art a bit. (I like to think he'll take some art classes) but as for the rest? he'll have some struggles mostly Math and Science courses.

◐ : My muse and animals. (If they like animals and treat them well, do not care for them at all, e.t.c.). 

" uh 'm a turtle?" I think Raph likes animals I feel i've said this with nearly all them so far? i really just think Raph is a cat person. But I feel MM also is pretty big on dogs as well. Which is why I keep saying hes got scary dog privilege haha. Dogs sort of match his energy but cats are nice and calming. I feel he treats them pretty nicely gently and with care knows ya gotta let an animal come to you sort. And when one dose? hes the happiest turtle in the world at that moment uwu

❒ : My muse and gifts. (If they are good/bad at finding gifts, good/bad at receiving gifts, good/bad at wrapping gifts, e.t.c.) 

"ehh I try?"

I think Raph has found things for his brother like if he spots something they might like or related to it? he'll snag it when on their runs.

☘ : My muse’s relation with their family. (If they speak with each other and how much, if they are close or estranged, e.t.c.). 

"I Love them I do jus'..ya know I wanna know others too? nothin' wrong with it?"

Raphael is very much a teen in that part of his life where he's trying to have his own life. Sometimes he can get carried away with it even no that it's something he can have, rather spending time with a friend over his brothers. It's nothing against them at all more him not quite learning that balance yet. But of course his brothers will always be his top priority when it comes down to it. His brothers mean a lot to him and they were his first friends as well. Nothing can ever get between him and them he will feel bad if any of them feel as if that is the case of course.

Raph very much tries to play cool around his brothers pretending he doesn't care but you can see how thats just an act. That he is playing to around his brothers. Sometimes he lets it slip like mentioning he would like to go to school never fully saying why though. Raph is very close to them all though openly joking around with them just being a full dork and getting up into to trouble like messing with Leo's sword and throwing ninja stars around. Despite him sometimes being annoyed with hoe Leo acts and can be you can also see how excited he gets when leo wants to join in on something for once. He gotta be close enough with leo to not be too upset hes playing with his sword. Even leo sort of joins in a bit when they are playing around on the roof. Raph seems to be able to get his brother into messing around.

Like Mikey dose when he tends to start most the jokes they get into even. Raph's clearly older brother side kicks in around them letting Mikey climb on top of him and such. And Raph being quick to jump in to try and help him and Donnie out when they need it that is. Doesn't baby either of them but is for sure there and ready to get in the mix of the danger.

With Donnie his twin uwu never letting this go when I can apply it. He dose pick on them a tad for being a weeb but it is outta of love, luckily anime is more main stream so I doubt Don will have to worry about being picked on for it but if he was? Raph would stand up for them in his own way "Hey he might be a a major dweed for likin' it and he is a major dweeb for likin' it but least he got better thing todo then pick on someone for it" type of sticking up.

He dose try and show some care into what his brothers like but it's cause he really just needs that himself in his life.

He loves Splinter and respects them he dosen't like be grounded but he'll stick to it and not break it even if he grumbles over it. Raph in part dose understand Splinter just looking out for him and his brothers. Sometimes that means he gets grounded or scolded but he dosen't always take it personally more that Splinter dosen't understand to which yeah some bits Splinter dosen't understand. But Raph still dosen't fault them to much for it. Hes still not ready to have a mom though and a tad grossed out on Splinters relationship but it makes him happy so? As for the rest of his family he is getting used to the suddenly abundance he has. He liked having more family around and is closest to Beepbop and Rocksteady, his sort like uncles he can be found with them the most when it comes to the extended part of his family. They sort of get the anger thing and often offer some advice when he's feeling just a tad ganged up on. I like to think they encourage him on his friendship with Casey since they are such an inseparable pair themselves.

[weirdmageddon]

the tone in these tags is driving me insane. i don’t know if you miscommunicated your intent here, but regardless of the intent what you said really hurt me!

i already give myself too much social self-doubt and guilt. i do NOT need to hear it from others. these tags are insensitive, unnecessary, and unsolicited.

why are you getting the impression that i think of myself as “superior”? when i say “above” i clearly mean the depths to which i’ve learned it and the firsthand experience. “superior” or “arrogant” are frankly the LAST thing i feel myself as, not to mention want to be seen as!!! i can’t help feeling compelled by and passionate by what i’m interested in, and what i like i collect a LOT of information about and i become very knowledgeable in it. i WANT communion with other people. i want to share in the joy. i just cant feel safe doing that and sharing my knowledge BECAUSE people like YOU think my attitude is “superior”. it’s fucking not! these things are my natural interests that i am just drawn to!! i’m interested in things people would probably consider esoteric or unapproachable like jung and socionics to figure things out about myself, to understand why i am drawn to certain things, and share what i have realized. but because theyre kind of niche it’s very hard to find people to talk about and i feel like im seeing everything from a very global perspective where i can change the view of that perspective to find new nuggets of insight into the world and human nature through my impressions. but i don’t want to be condescended or talked down to like this when i simply communicate what is going on with me.

of course what i’m feeling is hurting me. do you think i’m not aware of that? you think i’m stupid? that’s WHY i’m communicating it, because it’s the only solution that makes sense. my solution isn’t “going into another room”, what the hell! again, last thing i need!

that came off to me as an underhanded insult to suppress me for expressing my own passions. my solution/goal is to feel safe enough around others to fill the room with my OWN feelings and my OWN knowledge and people who are interested and understand my perspective will stay. i just don’t want to cause inconvenience to others, i want to respect them. but what you said came off to me as extremely disrespectful and as if you want me to erase my presence, like i’ve already been fucking doing myself, when what i’m trying to do is trying to assert my own presence. i don’t owe you an ounce of it now, and even if you backtrack your statements now i’m still going to be suspicious because those tags came off to me as being actually sanctimonious. like one of those people who looks at you pitifully and tells you to go to therapy or something. and since i now know you are capable of being like this, i don’t feel comfortable with you.

the reason i posted that was just updating people about where my head space has been. why i haven’t felt comfortable opening up. this is because i want to be sure i can feel safe being myself and expressing my reality, which comes to me through nonjudgmental observation and thoughtful reflection, around other people.

i expressed a similar idea to my friend about overcoming my social fears of creating a space for myself and my thoughts about a week ago (i feel safe to share these things with her.)

ME: and i was trying to relate my issue with that to the patterns in my social life. and i think it is afraid of being seen.

ME: because i check every one of these boxes.

HER: Remember when you were talking about how you felt like a naked animal hiding

ME: yeah

ME: and the fear of being seen applies even to my interests

ME: not because of the interests themselves but the fear of the perversion of people’s relationships towards that thing by association

ME: i want to limit peoples exposure to my interests if i dont know them because i want to protect them, and protect the field around myself and my interest. it’s why i dont share my favorite bands with everyone because i worry what will happen to them with tiktok being a threat and ruining it for me — being associated against my will with whatever they consider cringe when i am just doing my own thing

ME: i am afraid of the way people feel about me and perceive me as a result of my own interests against my will

ME: which is why i seem to unconsciously seek out things more untouched and more obscure that call me or resonate with me.. it gives me more of a sense of existing in peace and harmony in my relationship to the interest and, at bottom, my own existence. places where i feel welcome and i don’t have to fight for my life

ME: i find that the more obscure or hidden, the more welcoming or “clean” i find a space. like the air is fresh to breathe around it. i want to exist with it and live in communion with it, the places where i can fully be myself and express my thoughts and feelings. it is more harmonious because there’s less, like... it’s more of an understanding through action, less through words kinda feeling, you know what i mean.

ME: but doing that also makes me more original and unconventional, by chance

ME: and less people around me who can relate to and harmonize with me

HER: Control of outside perception. I get it. I was super super neurotic about this

ME: YES 😭

ME: and at the same time

ME: i dont like the idea of being gatekeepy because i do want to rejoice and share but it has to be with people i trust with it to understand it on my emotional level without twisting and bastardizing it

ME: and thats why i think these lyrics by panda bear (ESE) resonate with me so hard. they make me feel so heard in a very nuanced way that i dont think is captured in many cases

ME: except it’s like, i’m the one thats doing all of what hes proposing already, quietly, instinctively

ME: without even needing to think about it

and that is why jungian analysis and the unconscious shadow and my deep knowledge of socionics provides an endless loop of fascination for me i want to share it but im unsure how it will be taken. this insight was discovered with the help of these things, reinforcing their helpfulness for me. knowing people like you are out there is what’s getting in my way. thanks for making it that much harder.

like seriously you could all do it too if you chose to slow down, look inwards and discover how things affect you. everybody can! this is something that should be accessible to everyone, not just me. i just think about things extremelty deeply. i think people, and society, would actually be a lot more well off if people learned to be more self-aware and reflective. i want to share my life, not keep it inside myself. that’s what creates the isolation. but of course when i open up about it in a vulnerable way to test the waters i get shit like this.

don’t you see how the more i share my mind and my reflections, my own reality that i’m vulnerable opening up about because of things that are beyond my control, the more you know about me that you didn’t know before? does this show you a different picture? did you realize you erroneously misjudged my intentions? i just posted this post right before this one that people need to stop being so fucking judgmental. god those tags tipped me over the edge because they are the encapsulation of every wrong superficial perception from the outside about who i actually am that makes me hesitant to share myself. it pissed me the fuck off.

i’m not going anywhere! just like everyone else i deserve a place in the world where me and my insight i want to communicate from what i’ve learned can feel wanted.

another jung quote since he is a banger factory:

“No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do the work consciously and conscientiously, unknown friends will come and seek you.”

^ this is what i know is going to help me. it’s just a matter of doing it without social rejection.

To orient a bit more by what this person means by "you already know that part". It's what you know you need to do. You know it in your gut. It changes over time. But you usually have a sense of some element of personal "work" that you need to do, that you might want to avoid. Sometimes it involves something simple like having that conversation. Sometimes it involves something bigger like quitting drinking. That's why Jungians instruct you to look within, not outside yourself for your answers. You know what you need to do. Looking outside ourselves is often us looking for a "way out" of doing "the work".

i didnt have any evidence as to what has been cumulatively bothering me (because i was avoiding expressing anything that could allow me to receive rejection in the first place) because a lot of it was past traumatic social experiences but this just. catapulted me to spill it. so i guess i could also thank you being so inflammatory towards my emotional state and saying all the wrong things to me?

i understand how your advice might work for someone else but this isn’t what i need because it does not apply to me, and it felt very insulting considering it’s what i have been struggling with already. posting this was testing the waters and making contact about what i’ve been doing recently and why i have been feeling more distant which i want to fix.

i’m glad i asserted myself here actually. i feel like i just gained a level in … i don’t know. something. i just don’t like being an unpleasant person or needing to get worked up to constantly feel like i have to defend myself. it’s exhausting. i just want to feel welcome, appreciated, and zen.

i have been doing a lot of self-reflection. not because i did anything wrong but i want to find things that are true. but the more i don’t post because i get so long the more isolated i get because my knowledge is above the level of the people around me who havent done that kind of work and it feels hard to share my feelings in a fulfilling way

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” — Carl Jung

ive been been getting a lot more into jung. most of his work sincerely resonates with my own observations. he shares a type with me. this quote is all too pertinent

[a-bio-hero-writer]

Oh my god I’m so happy this blog exists, you are a GODSEND. Could I please request some headcanons with Tahu who has an s/o who’s headstrong and confident on the surface but they struggle with self-esteem issues and always questions if they’re good enough for him? THANK YOU SO MUCH! ❤️

Oh wowie, I think that’s a (very kind) slight exaggeration. Thank you for your patience, hope you will enjoy this one :))

"oi hothead, you might want to speed up unless you want to be the loser in this race."

"You wish you had a fraction of my greatness, but you’re a zero and I’m at least a million times better than you ever could be"

"But no matter by what you multiply, zero times anything is still zero, idiot"

"…"

"No wonder why Kopaka is so annoyed with you-"

"No wonder im still better-"

It would seem that he doesn’t pay attention to what is happening

That was just a regular banter after all, nothing more to it

s/o is just the epitome of confidence

one could have an impression that even Tahu isn’t that feisty

But then again, Tahu is exactly aware where his sense of humour and odd character traits  (that are unsurprisingly usually unbearable for others) come from

So of course he gets worried, but has no idea how to approach the issue

He lets the thing go on, but in the meantime he’s working on how to address it when he talks about it with s/o, so that it doesn't get worse than it already is

Of course, it’s Tahu we’re talking about, he would like to act the instant the opportunity arises

However after many years of being a Toa, he’s learnt the hard way that less damage is more important than a quick solution

He wasn’t very pleased that the whole thing would take a longer while only to realise that s/o would do the same thing for him if he asked

~

"What if he really thinks that, what if i am a zero, what if im not good enough…"

As s/o was spiralling, Tahu welcomed himself into their house without bothering to knock

Look, it’s Tahu, if he can he will go straight up to business

"Hey uh, Gali asks if you’ll be coming over to Ga-Koro for that fair- are you alright?"

"Wh- yeah yeah, I will be fine don’t worry"

"…Are you sure? You look quite shaken up."

He decided to tackle the matter now that it was fresh.

Here he sat beside s/o, but didn’t dare get too close - he was aware of the risk of making things worse by simply trying too hard to do good.

“… look, I know that there’s something more to the confident image of yours. Frankly, I use the same mechanism”

Getting no response from s/o he decided to go on

“You don’t have to explain anything, but let’s not pretend at least in each other’s company. Let’s be true to ourselves. Is that alright with you?”

The other just nodded

~

Ever since the honesty rule came around, there has been extra care from both sides

The slow process of learning and understanding will eventually pay off

The banters are still there but circle around different topics, the ones that don’t cause any dark thoughts afterwards

Healing takes time

Luckily enough, the two have plenty of it

[vsa-pieldepapel]

i agree with your general assessment of susie & noelle's respective issues but i don't agree with your assertion that these are "red flags" or signs of a potentially "toxic" relationship. i think you're looking at it through the wrong lens.

it seems pretty clear to me that the whole point of susie's character is that she lashes out with cruelty and pushes others away because she's been made to believe she's unworthy of love or respect, and although she's learning to let herself be open to friendship she will likely still have instances where she hurts those she cares about through acts of fear or defensiveness. this may be a source of conflict but that's not the same as being toxic.

meanwhile noelle, who has a strong fixation on fear and danger – and was originally drawn to susie because of this – is in the process of learning to decide the right course of action for herself. while she may have felt too helpless and confused to do anything about susie's previous treatment of kris, and wanted to put herself in harm's way with susie (but seemingly never actually acted on this, due to aforementioned sense of helplessness/lack of autonomy), she's gradually working on feeling more capable and confident. i think part of her process will be developing the ability to meet susie where she's at, as an equal, as opposed to seeing susie (as she sees most things) as a source of fear or an external, uncontrollable force acting upon her, if that makes sense.

i get the sense that their growing friendship will revolve around susie helping noelle accept that it's okay to be something other than a doormat, while noelle helps susie accept vulnerability and gentleness; in a way, both helping each other develop their sense of self-worth. again, i'm sure there will be conflict as they each have their own issues to work out and those will likely butt up against each other, but i still don't see that as the same as being "toxic," and i don't think that's the intended interpretation of their characters or relationship.

I have talked about this before and im a little tired (cause I just made dinner) so sorry if this comes across as clumsy or I dont make a coherent point, but the toxic relationship is in a less malicious sense and more in a “teenagers have a hard time navigating first love on top of the baggage” sense. Obviously the reading is that theyre meant to compliment each other and I have to be real a part of why I feel it flops is because Ralsei does it so much better in less time even just platonically, because Noelle idolises her and I honest don’t think she’s gonna stop idolising her soon. It also strikes me as a massive bad implication that Noelle is aware that what she’s doing is bad enough she wants to tell authority figures like toriel about it and Susie’s remark makes her feel sick…. And then she just doesn’t. Maybe we will see her progress on this in later chapters if I’m honest I think im gonna have a hard time changing my view on her simply because of the time gap there was in which I cemented my view. And thats okay honestly I want to think the detraction it will do to the rest of the game won’t be too big

In the end we can just agree to disagree ya know. I dont wanna be persuaded into liking dragon deer (I think my mind is set if im real, sorry. I know it’s gonna be canon and I’m not a fan) and I wont talk you into goatdragon either, this is just my blog so I rant unfiltered here lol. Thank you for sharing your perspective tho it’s interesting to read and respond to!

[eunkimmie]

hi! I really liked your sal friends with benefits headcannons and I was wondering if you could do one for larry? :)

larry didn’t think of sex as something that was sacred or that had to be cherished, he just thought of it as a desire. if two people wanted to fuck, so be it. larry thought of himself as a relatively emotional person, even if he didn’t show it all the time. he also knew he wasn’t the worst looking guy out there, he definitely fit into a “type” though. with the long hair occasionally pulled up into a messy bun, the oversized and overworn shirts, loose fitting pants that pooled around his beat up converse with doodles all on the fabric. his tanned skin was even, save for a few patches of acne and some body hair. point is, larry was an attractive guy.

now, there weren’t a whole lot of people in Nockfell that were falling on their knees for him, especially since they knew him as a weird kid in high school, but y’know. tinder was a thing. sometimes he just wanted to chat, or sometimes he did use the app for hookups.

wasn’t much, really. he’d bring someone to his shared house, fuck, then he’d let them choose whether they wanted to stay or leave for the night. maybe if he took a shine to them, offer some weed and cook some shitty eggs for them in the morning.

one day, he matched with you. cute, interesting. and by the way you chatted with him, you didn’t seem too interested in a relationship at the moment either. he invited you over after talking for a day or two, and that was that. you stayed the night, waking to an offer of coffee, maybe some cereal? you agreed, and the two of you sat downstairs laughing. larry was an easy guy to chat with, and almost everyone found that they got comfortable with him and his laid-back nature relatively quickly.

“and what kind of move was that?” you snickered, moving the spoon around in your cereal bowl idly. “i mean, if you’re gonna throw someone on your bed, at least make sure you aim correctly.” he tilted his head back as he let out a boisterous laugh, fist slamming down on the table. “fuck, don’t bring that shit up! sorry for being eager.” the two of you joked like that before you decided it was well time to go home.

after that, larry gradually stopped hooking up with random strangers, and instead turning to you. the both of you were well aware of the relationship and had no issue. but, eventually, the two of you learned that, hey, you actually had some common interests. after a session, you say up in his bed and tried to fix your hair to the best of your abilities after being fucked senseless. “you have a switch?”

“is that a sex question?” he asked, and received a pillow to the chest. “yes, you wanna play something?” you shrugged, pulling a shirt over your chest. he rattled off some names of the co-op games he had, and the two of you had settled on mario kart, cliche as it may be. and of course you beat ass. larry wasn’t a sore loser, instead offering you a lazy smile every time you told him to “eat shit you fucking second place”

larry didn’t question it much, but eventually the two of you became friends. it was bound to happen, your chemistry was more than just sexual, and he was sure that if the two of you had met in person before tinder, you would’ve been friends as well. was it so bad that his fuck-buddy was coming over midday now to play games or watch movies? larry decided that it may be better not to question it. besides, the two of you had a good dynamic going here.

but here’s the thing—when two people spend that much time together in the day and are having sex at night, at least one of them is bound to grow feelings. larry would run his calloused hands up your waist, grasping for as much of you as he could get as his mouth placed sporadic kisses all down your neck. the way your voice sounded as you let out small whimpers made his heart beat faster and faster, but the best noise was when he was fucking you at such a fast pace that had your hands gripping tightly at the sheets, before suddenly he’d stop. he’d watch as you cried out and desperately tried to create some movement between the two of you, and larry would tilt your chin up and give you a lingering kiss, staring down at your tear-filled eyes before he’d finally move again.

every time you two had sex, he would pour all of his affection and feeling into it. he didn’t want to fuck up your friendship, so instead all of his pent up emotion would turn into multiple rounds of sex, sometimes rough, sometimes passionate. he didn’t think he would ever confess, he knew he couldn’t. it would be best to just ignore it, right? right.

so, he never did. he never uttered a word to anyone, not even his friends, about the feelings he harbored for you. and when he asked if you wanted to stay the night, his heart would leap as you nodded and cuddled up to him in bed. and how he felt such a surge of disappointment rush through him when you decided it was time to get going, and left. he fantasized about grabbing you by the arm, stopping you from leaving, and proclaiming that he did have feelings for you, that you were so much more than just a person to hookup with at night. that he wanted a real relationship with you, that he wanted you to stay with him and wake up to him every day, and how much it killed him to open his eyes first thing in the morning and not see your face, and that…

fuck. was he in love with you? was it more than just a crush? it didn’t matter, you didn’t want a relationship, and that was that. larry wasn’t going to push your boundaries, it wasn’t your fault that he had to go and develop feelings for someone he was just supposed to be having sex with. he was in love with you, and the thought made him embarrassed. he’d stay up at night thinking about how quick you’d be to reject him if he ever did confess. the thought of you reciprocating his feelings wasn’t even a possibility in his mind.

you bit your lip as you knocked on the front door to his house. it was strange. you were always attracted to him, of course, but lately you’d been having…thoughts. you spent so much time in his house, his room, that an image of you staying there, with him, had briefly crossed your mind the other night. how would it feel to wake up in his arms every day as the sun peeked through the curtains? to be able to walk over to your shared closet before tossing on some clothes and walking to the kitchen and make breakfast for him? you wondered if he’d help, if maybe he’d come up behind you and wrap his arms around your waist before kissing you softly. “the eggs might burn,” you’d say, but he would turn the burner off and kiss you anyways. how he’d lift you up on the counter and run his hands gently down your sides and plant soft kisses to your lips.

your fantasy stopped right there as he opened up the door, greeting you with a lazy smile. his hair was up this night, small strands falling from the bun he had loosely tied together. and then, the two of you were in his room. but it felt different somehow. maybe it was your imagination.

he closed the door behind him, pressing you up against the wood after it locked with a small click. his hands worked your shirt, pulling it off before tossing it aside. he ran his hand down the side of your thigh, your legs wrapped around him as he supported your body with ease. your hands had cupped his cheeks as you kissed him, his breath shaky as he pulled back for air for only a second.

you didn’t go home that night. you stayed, waking up to larry’s arms draped lazily over your body as your back curved against his chest like a perfect puzzle piece. you turned over, slowly as possible as to make little movement. now, you were face to face with him, his eyes still closed and lips parted slightly. you sighed, pushing a few strands of hair from his face and planting a gentle kiss on his lips. you mumbled out a strained, “fuck,” before you decided that maybe it was better to go back to sleep.

he acted like he was asleep. cheap move, he knew that, but when he felt your fingers softly brush his hair aside, his heart practically jumped out of his chest. he laid there as you kissed him once, and he swore that if you put a hand to his chest you would be able to feel just how fast his heartbeat was going.

for weeks, the two of you unconsciously pined over one another, both of you too afraid to say anything. you continued as you were, meeting up for either video games or sex.

his room was dark, dimly illuminated by his LED lights, your body reflecting a slight sheen of blue as the lights hit your skin perfectly. his hands grasped at your hips, his back against the wall behind his bed as you bounced yourself up and down on his cock, face to face. he supported your movements with his hands on your hips, eyebrows furrowed. you were so fucking tight around him, and your bodies seemed to come together perfectly, like it was meant to be. the way your lips were parted as you moaned his name, and how you almost screamed when he met your movement by thrusting upwards, and how he had to cover your mouth with his hand as to not disturb his roommates. he had moved you to lay on your back now, his body hovering above yours as he fucked you into his mattress. your hands intertwined above your head, and you could fe that all familiar feeling of a bubble about to burst in your stomach.

“f-fuck..fuck! im so, i’m so fucking—“ your sentences weren’t even coherent as he fucked you rhythmically. your back arched, letting him hit an even deeper spot inside of you that made you cry out his name. you removed your hand from his, moving up to cup his cheeks as you stared into his eyes. “fuck..don’t stop. please, don’t stop.”

“fuck…” larry groaned back. he was close, and the way you looked at him as if he was the only thing that mattered right then and there just drew him closer. it was all too much. the way you cried out his name and pulled him into kiss you. it just came out. he mumbled, “fuck…i love you,” and the way immediately after that you pulled him in for another kiss sent him over the edge. you could feel his cum drip out as he pulled himself out of you. you laid on his bed, chest rising and falling as you tried to catch your breath. he uttered that he was going to get you a towel to clean up with after he pulled on some sweatpants.

as you laid there, now partially clothed but still sweaty, you thought about it. you thought about what he had said to you, and how the words alone were enough to make you come undone. your face burned as you thought about it.

larry could really just kill himself. he was so fucking stupid. he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, fist clenched so tightly that his skin turned paler. he was going to act as if it never happened. it was for the best. it was always for the best.

as the two of you laid in his bed, you couldn’t help but think. and in an impulse, you blurted out, “do you really love me?” as soon as the words had left your mouth, your face heated up with embarrassment. you had meant to phrase it more carefully, but the sound of his voice kept repeating that same line in your head.

larry recoiled, barely visible, as he stayed silent. what was he supposed to say? he couldn’t even act cool in the moment as his mind scrambled for words, any words, to come to mind. “uh…” he said, gulping. he could feel his hands getting clammy. “you can, uh…you don’t have to feel obligated to stay if you’re uncomfortable. i don’t want you to feel like you have to pity me.” that came out a bit self deprecating, but he meant it. he was the one who had fucked it up. he was the one that couldn’t even keep his words to himself.

as you processed his sentence, you furrowed your eyebrows. you had been seeing larry for a few months now, was it? the time you spent together, you felt it had become more than just sex. you guys built a friendship, a bond. maybe it was soon, but life didn’t wait for anyone. “no, fuck..! no, i don’t want to leave, i just…” you paused, thinking about it for a moment more. “i think that i might, um. i don’t know, i can’t really think straight right now, i just…i know i have feelings for you.” and you left it at that. you didn’t know if you loved him yet, but you were sure of yourself.

larry’s brain stopped working for a split second in that moment. he took time to replay your words in his head, but only for a second, because before he knew it he was rambling. “wait, seriously? like, actually? you don’t have to say anything to try and make me feel better, know that. i don’t want to try and—“ you cut him off by shaking your head. “no, no! im not just saying this shit, seriously. im really sure of it, actually.” you laughed softly, half heartedly. it was hard to make eye contact.

larry let out an incredulous laugh as you smiled at him nervously. maybe this moment should’ve been more serious, but all he could think in that moment is that he felt happy. truly, genuinely happy. “let me take you out on a date,” he said, to which you responded with a bright smile and a nod. he couldn’t help but laugh again at the situation, and how unorthodox it all felt. he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

the two of you had stayed up late talking. just talking about life, about feelings and emotions. you two didn’t wake until late noon, but waking up to see your face snuggled into his chest was just about the biggest surge of serotonin that larry could’ve received.

[stickfigurepurple]

terrible. manon loves interior design and wallpapers. she used to draw a lot, specifically patterns and nature flora and stuff. she doodled mandalas on her schoolwork until her teachers got mad and threatened to expel her.

her parents want her to marry a rich man and live comfortably without getting employed, preferably someone with a business she can help run from the background. she does not actually mind this very much, because she'd also like to help manage something (even if she isn't literally the manager), but she really wants to marry for love.

she micromanages things. she takes notes on everyone around her, especially those she finds interesting. after her first crush on a girl, she secretly looked into what little queer media she could find, while her parents purposely looked the other way because they didn't want to acknowledge the possibility of manon being queer. she's pretty progressive for her time.

she would probably love psychology if she were alive today, but in 60s france psychology was a very fresh thing. i think she would've tried to understand the human mind as much as possible though. in a flawed, biased, nonscientific way, but definitely in A Way.

she could fix vincent, i think, if he had never hired rody. she would've continued to go out with him, fully aware that he did not give a shit. her parents encouraged this, unaware that he did not give a shit. eventually, she would informally propose to him, but it reads more like a business proposal because it goes:

manon: hey i think the best course of action here is for us to get married

vincent: n-

manon: i already know you will say no, but hear me out. you do not love me, or even like me. i am coming to terms with that, but that's not why i'm saying this. i believe you have a multitude of issues, and if you continue to ignore them, you will end up flying too close to the sun and burning your restaurant down with you.

vincent: Excuse Me.?

manon: you don't seem to experience love for anyone, from what i can see. i can also see that you desperately want to experience it. don't give me that pissed off look, i've seen the way you look at the couples we pass. you have that same stony look, but you squint your eyes a bit, like you're trying to figure out what it is they have that you don't, and how to get it.

vincent: manon, i've put up with you for the past two months, but i do not care-

manon: shut the fuck up okay look at it this way. you have no sense of taste. you have told me this much. you want to taste something. that's fine. but the fact remains that you cannot and will not ever be able to taste in your life, no matter what you cook or eat.

vincent: (contemplating murder)

manon: there's more to food, however, than the taste. there's texture too. surely you can differentiate that, right? yes. what i'm proposing is to help you learn to appreciate texture in food (platonic relationships).

ok this turned into a wholeass script. my bad. manon leaves this offer up to vincent's consideration, and she will cut contact entirely if he says no. (she would also help run the restaurant and HIRE MORE PEOPLE DAMMIT VINCENT. she's still super picky though just less than him). im going to say vincent eventually says yes and they get platonically married. idc if it's canon compliant or in character. i will fix that fucking loser if it kills me

how are you doing manon lovers

@stickfigurepurple how you doing?

[a-dragons-journal]

i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

[barnesbabee]

𝓹𝓵𝓪𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮 - 𝓽𝓮𝓷

|| ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ || ⇜ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - 10 - ɴᴇxᴛ⟿

⟿ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: No sensible person would turn down their boss if they looked good as good as Seonghwa. But maybe they would wish they had…

⟿ ᴄᴏɴᴄᴇᴘᴛ: CEO!Seonghwa x reader, bestfriend!Yunho x reader || Social Media!AU

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: (send me a DM or an ask to be added) @ateezappreciation @shinyddeonghwa @lilithpooped @cloudyyeonnie@yeosangmystar @wooyoung-a @sanisms @mingismoon @lovelyvitamin @anawwyd @annasbannas @im-just-trying-to-survive-man @uglychildd @oddlittlefandomist@pirateland @jin-neck-shaft @lovelyvitamin

"Seonghwa I was kidnapped."

"What the fuck."

--------------------

There was more silence in the line. Seonghwa didn't know what to say, and the half bottle of wine he had just had was starting to kick in.

"Are you serious!? Y/N are you okay!?"

"Y-yes yes I think so, I'm not harmed. I know it's a bit much to ask but, can you come get me?"

"Yes, of course, share your location and I'll be there in a minute. Are you in danger!? How many people should I bring!? Do we need guns?"

"Just you should be fine, it's just one asshole and his friend..."

"What?"

Seonghwa was visibly confused, and rightfully so.

"I'll explain everything once you're here... I'm sorry."

"No, no don't be, I'm in my garage already, I'll be there in a second."

Once you hung up you felt a little unsafe, so you walked a little further to get away from the house, and, in a blink of an eye, Seonghwa's red SUV pulled up right beside you.

He came out of the car and held your shoulders, examining your body for any bruises, scratches, or blood. Fortunately, you had nothing but a couple bruises on your knees and hips, that he couldn't see.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking into your eyes.

"I'm okay now."

You gave him a small smile, which he returned. He put his arm around your waist and helped you seat on the passenger seat of his car.

"So," he said, as he started the car once more "what the fuck happened?"

You sighed, there was a lot to unpack.

"I've kept some really close friends from high school, San, whom I'm sure you've heard of, Jongho, Mingi, and Yunho. We were always very close, and I was particularly close to Yunho. We grew a little apart after we graduated 'cause professionally we were looking for different things, but Yunho and I realized we couldn't be apart, so we started dating. Everything was going well but towards the end, we started having more fights, more arguments,... So I decided it would be better to break up while we could still be friends before it became more toxic and our group of friends would fall apart. But he started having some really shitty behavior... He would scare and push away anyone who tried to date me or to flirt with me, but I never mentioned anything and never made much of a fuss because I really cared about him still, after all, we had been such close friends for a long time, it was hard to let go. Once I applied to your company and learned about you I was a little... starstruck and amazed, by you."

You could see him blush slightly and smile (a smile he tried to hide) from the corner of your eye. But he kept quiet and listened.

"I talked about you to my friends, and Yunho hated it. But there was nothing he could do because unlike everybody else he didn't have direct contact with you, to try and scare you off. And once I announced I was hired, he hated it cause it meant I'd be closer to you. He straight-up called me a whore. A couple days after that he apologized in a very weird way, it was creepy, so San told me he'd pick me up after work 'cause it was dark and not very safe anyway, but today- yesterday" You reiterated, after noticing it was well past midnight "I told him not to pick me up because I'd be meeting you after work, so I'd just be riding an uber anyway. I don't know if Yunho found out about me going to your house, or if he just waited every day until San didn't pick me up, but a black van pulled up in front of me and someone pulled me inside. I had no idea what was going on, I passed out and when I woke up I was in a dark room alone. Yunho barged in some time after and came with the 'see, I'm here and Seonghwa isn't' type of conversation, and that's when I found out he had orchestrated the whole thing for me to notice how much better he supposedly is..."

Seonghwa sighed and rested his head on the car's seat.

"Shit... That's a lot to unpack."

You hummed in agreement.

"I'm sorry I know it's a lot to deal with, you can just... drop me off at home."

"No, no absolutely not. He knows where you live, doesn't he? If he's insane enough to fake kidnap you, he's crazy enough to pull up to your house and do God knows what. I'm taking you back to my house, you can take a shower and I'll lend you some clothes, I'm sure something of mine fits you."

You smiled at his kindness. You really didn't expect Seonghwa to be like that. Deep down you thought he would be the classic 'work above anything' type of CEO, one that really didn't care about others, but you were surprised.

"Seonghwa, I don't know what to say... We have known each other for no longer than a week."

"Well that's true but... How do I say this without seeming too forward, we seem like a nice match. Texting you is the most fun part of most of my days and I like the way you're able to separate personal life from professional life. I'm not going to lie after we exchanged some... texts, I was afraid you'd start sprawling on my desk naked and I really didn't want to have an awkward conversation with you about limits and boundaries."

It was hard to contain your laughter. Although he was a confident man, you could tell he was a little awkward when talking about certain issues just like that. You smiled and brushed his hair away from his eyes.

You got to his house quickly, but the engine going quiet didn't stop your conversation. He gently took a hold of your hand and guided you inside.

"I'm glad you think like that, after Yunho talked to me I was afraid you'd be using me just for sex."

Seonghwa chuckled.

"I guess that's the general idea..." He sighed before continuing his sentence "Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this, I have never told anyone, not even Wooyoung 'cause he would yell at me, but it's actually the other way around. Women come to me and I happily have sex with them, not gonna lie, and then they end up ghosting me or telling me to fuck off after I try to become closer to them. I guess it's my fault, I'm a little dense when it comes to understanding what women want."

You could tell he was a little embarrassed for admitting that. He was looking away as if the wall was the most interesting thing in the world, and his cheeks had a little pink tint to them. You grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes.

"It's okay, I'll make sure to send understandable messages."

You both smiled widely at the joke, but then everything was serious. You were staring deeply into each other's eyes and you were suddenly aware of the closeness of your bodies. You could tell Seonghwa was hesitant, and you wanted to follow through with your promise.

You got on your tiptoes and kissed the corner of his lips, signaling that you wanted the same he did.

He cupped your cheek, gently yet firmly, and brought your face closer to his. Seonghwa teased you for a second, not quite closing the gap between your lips. You groaned quietly, revealing your restlessness for him, and he finally connected your lips, in a soft, innocent, yet long kiss. It soon turned into something else, something rougher and full of meaning, His hands were stiff on your waist, gripping you tightly as if preventing themselves from roaming somewhere else.

"You know, you don't need to hold back, Sir..." You said when you broke apart.

He groaned at the little pet name you knew he loved.

"I know doll, but I promised no funny business, you need to rest, it's been a long day."

Seonghwa kissed your lips gently and rubbed his thumb on your waist. He then kissed your neck and approached his lips to your ear.

"Plus, I have plenty of time to test you out, don't I?"

[dakotac0le]

If u show that design to any dnd guy who doesnt know anything abt sow and ask what class they think he is just based off of his design theyre first geuss would not be a palidan in a million years. We think of palidans as the aurmour guys tm. With massive shields and sowrds and the power of thier god coursing thro them and !!! Its not like zeph isnt a fighter. Its not like he doesnt have imense magical power. And hes very skilled w the whip and hes worked his ass off to be so. 

But To Me his design is so intresting beacuse it feels like a reflection of the reformed church. Or at least Zephs preception of them. He comes to yvbranka as an amassador and an honerd geust. The first big monoulge we get from him (aka his speech in ep 1) is about this faith. And he says that his faith is not here for fighting, that they dont do that anymore beacuse theyve learned from the past  and that violence has caused more harm and distrust and issues . And theyre trying to move past that. So hes not dressed like a fighter. Hes dressed like an amasador . 

But also ! Another part of his design. The unadvoidable part ! The worst part to draw ! His tattoos !! And good god theres 7 zillion layers of analyis just to that (ep 18 u haunt me) .  And as for what they say about the reformed church (or zephs interpretation its teachings):  pain and sacrifice are nessacry. Zeph implies that he inflicts this on himself as a form of repentance. (Or SOMETHING. he cuts himself off in the actual quote im refrencing in 18: “a line for every flub. Or everytime i- everytime in the last few days or weeks i have been“ BEENN WHAHHHTTT grizzlyplays when i get u) my interpentaion of this is that its for everytime zeph feels hes been weak. His literal tagline thingy for the show is abt this weakness- and that idea is a massive core to his charcter. AND ANYONE WHO READS ABYSSAL CAN JUST. SEE THIS. WILD. CHARCTER DESIGN. And zeph uses that fact !! To intimidate people !!! Literally points it out while him and wall r touturing someone.  BUT  Its.  So paradxical. His routine of tattoing this into his body is the closest he feels to comfort or home again . Its euphoric and it makes him feel like hes flying !! Its also !! Scary as fuck !!!!! AND HES AWARE OF THAT !!!!! HE DISPLAYS THEM !! ALL THE TIME !! 24/7 !! WILD CHRACTER   DESIGN . AND !! - last thing abt the tattos- which is that we still know sooo little about them. We dont know how important or common they r to the reformed church at large. (And really were missing a LOT of info about the reformed church at larege- esp anything that comes from an unbiased scource) We dont know if this is just a rae thing. We dont know who gave this idea to zeph or if they came up with it themslves. Etc. THERES SO MANY QUESTIONS !!! ITS GREAT !!!!!

Besides just the faith tho !! I adore this design for everything it says abt zephs perosnality.  Good charcter design will do that !!! Its why i love argentums so much as well.  And Zephs outift is sooooo. Its so dramatic and over the top and unpractical and its extremly zephreal. Theres also the bit of him disrobing everytime he exposes his wings and i think thats great. His design in general is so genderless too - or at least gender apathetic and it feels very real for this chracter. Details and touches like him having messy or days old makeup on are so good and make me get what kind of guy this is even more. He feels very effortlessly put together and clumsy at the same time !! Very dramatic or self grandizing and very self deprecating. Hes so paradoxical. Its so. Good. I can see zeph when im listening or watching sow. His design fits in to his dialouge and actions so well its wonderful. Love him.

Im always thinking abt zephs charecter design.