#im choosing to believe what i want to believe

[animeshotsh]

Never your first | Various x Reader | ANGST |

Summary: You may love them, and they may love you too, but not in the same way.

Warnings: ANGST - Sad - Mentions of sex (no explicit) -

Lucifer

When he fell you were quick to follow. History knows about him, the beautiful first angel who fell and his beloved wife Lilith. No one knows you, the second angel who fell. Why did you ? Because you loved Lucifer and believed in his words. You two were best friend and inseparable, soulmate some have said.

But he choose Lilith, had a daughter with her. And you saw all of it by the side, smiling and supporting but being broken inside.

And when she left him and Charlie, you saw him how sad he was, depress and the worse? He still loved her. You were there for him during his best moments and there to hold him at worse.

"Oh (Y/N)...im so lucky to have you as my best friend"

Charlie

Falling for Charlie was easy, like how could you not ? She was kind, sweet, everything no one was in hell. You believed in her dreams, long before she met Vaggie...

But you saw it unfold in front of your eyes, the love story between them was one from a fairy tale, and you were the side character. You liked seeing her happy and Vaggie was a good person but you wanted to be her.

"Oh (Y/N), I love her so much! Do you think she would agree to even marry me?"

Vaggie

Being the older sister/brother of Charlie mean following her around hell and supporting her. No one would date hurt her, but she being naive was something that could hurt her no less.

The night you met Vaggie your heart fell, it started to beat fast and hard as you saw her poor form being so hurt.

But her eyes were not on you, they were on Charlie, looking at her and Charlie looked at her back with love. Something your parents once had.

Vaggie did love you, as the relative of her girlfriend, and knew you were the protector of her. She knew she could be used easily by others so she was thankful that you were there for her.

"(Y/N) thanks for protecting Charlie all these years, I could never ask for a better in law"

Alastor

Being Alastor's friend had his ups and downs. You knew he was not captable of loving you the way you loved him, you were happy being his best friend.

But saddly you were not that. His best friend, the one he truly would never betray or use was Rosie who was in fact your friend as well.

"(Y/N) dont make me laught, and put a smile on your face. You are never fully dressed without one"

Vox

You saw Vox being used and abused by Valentino all the time. You loved him and wanted nothing more than to have a company together with him and only him. But Vox was addicted to Valentino and to the fame. No matter how many times he got beated up or had to watch him fuck others, he still loved him and not you.

"A show together? Well (Y/N) I believe you doing your show on your own are fine, the rating is good, besides what would the public say if they saw us alone and together?"

Stolas

Stolas and you, friends as old as stars. You two would watch the born and death of them. Would share your dreams together. You never supported his marriage with Stella and knew he was getting worse and worse, keeping the family together because of his daughter.

Saddly finally, once he had broke things off with her someone else did appear.

Blitzo or Blitz who had been his lover and turned out he loved him.

You never tought of imps as less but why? Why did he pick him and not you ? What did he had ? Specially when at the end he was still not happy.

You were back there, holding him in your arms as he cried again but this time because of someone who was not you.

And it would never be you.

[kaiser1ns]

so today i rewatched disney descendants and the characteristics of ben just straight up gave me ume vibes. so there you go my lovelies. not using the usual layout because this is just a silly quick idea that i had to post.

You, the daughter of Maleficent, and Umemiya, the son of Belle and the Beast, come from very different backgrounds. Wanting to prove yourself that you are cruel enough to your mother, as you use a love potion on him to ensure he falls for you so you can steal the wand of the Fairy Godmother, and him just wanting to prove you that good exits in everyone, as they should choose their own path and storyline.

"Hey, Umemiya~"

"Hey, Y/N."

"I just made these cookies, double chocolate chips, want one?"

"Oh, that's so kind of you but I've got a big game and I don't eat before it. Thank you so much, I would like to try it some other time, though!"

"Ah, yeah. I completely understand" you sighed, lowering the bag, faking the sad expression to achieve more real effect, "Be careful of the treats offered by kids of villains, right?"

"No,no, no. You got it wrong."

"Im sure everyone in Auradon knows that too. I get it you are cautious, that's smart." you open the small plastic bag getting ready to take a bite, "Oh,well, more for me then."

"No, hey —" he grabs the cookie out of your hand and gave it a big bite "See, that. I totally trust you."

"How are they?" you ask, tilting your head out of curiosity to see if the effect of the potion would hit in, "Amazing! Is that walnuts, I love walnuts." he starts to ramble about the texture, how nice the chocolate melts, so warm and soft, and super sweet.

"Y/N, have you always had such beautiful eyes, and pretty smile too?" you can't believe it, the love potion worked incredibly well. Jay, son of Jafar, comes behind him putting an arm around his shoulder, "How are you feeling, bro?"

"In love..." Umemiya said, as he stared into your eyes, hand cupping your cheek as he stroked it gently with his thumb, blush making its way to your face.

As both of you get to know each other, Umemiya's kindness, fairness, good nature and did i mention the love he has for you is ridiculous? He starts to influence you hard, making you question your mother's teachings about evil and the world. If only you knew what your heart was telling you as you don't know what you are feeling or is it just a dream about someone loving you, someone who doesn't see you just as the daughter of Maleficent.

And the moments comes when Umemiya who drinks an anti-love potion before the coronation, confesses that he has genuinely fallen in love with you for who you truly are, not because of any magic or poisoned cookie.

"I know about the love spell." your eyes widen, surprised, as your smile drops, "You... you do?"

"Yeah. And, um, it's worn off." Looking down, a bit saddened, as you played with your hands, "Oh."

"But here's the thing. I haven't loved you because of the spell. I loved you because of you." tears welling up, genuinely touched by his words, by his whole being, and you felt guilty for what is about to come, "Ume, I..."

Umemiya took your hand, squeezing it tightly, to assure you that's everything is okay, "I don't know what the future holds. But I do know that I want to be with you."

Smiling trough the tears, not wanting to appear vulnerable, but there's no point in hiding anymore, "Really?"

"Really." and he looked at you with the same love stare, with those eyes who saw everything you tried to suppress.

©2024 kaiser1ns do not copy, repost or modify my work

[christ-and-love]

Hey yall.

I’m considering deleting tumblr. I won’t delete my blog but I will likely delete the app.

I’m a believer that your relationship with Christ is personal. Some people can handle the ever changing, always a little negative spaces of the internet. I don’t know if I can. There are some very funny, cute, loving, wonderful spaces on the internet. But what I’ve found is that no matter how many filters I put on it there is always a lot of negative.

Not that negative is always bad, i don’t expect things to be rainbows and sunshine all the time. But scrolling through posts and randomly finding Antichristian media hurts. Scrolling through posts and randomly seeing people being killed hurts, seeing random antisemitism (on top of what I’m already seeing in my real actual life) hurts. Scrolling through posts and seeing political extremism that makes me worry about the state of my country, people, and faith is scary

Even going beyond the social negatives social media has been an idol for me in the past, and fully could become one again. I would rather “cut of the hand that sins” than live with it ever present and hurting me and my faith. Furthermore the constant presence of po*n on the Internet is not good for me, especially considering my past trauma and vices.

I have had people call me “dramatic, brainwashed” and many other things in the past for making statements like this about social media. But truly if you don’t see how much of a rage bait hive mind the internet is I highly encourage you to pay attention

It eats up our time with God, our time with ourselves and (in my opinion) deeply affects people’s ability to form their own independent opinions.

The hours we spend on our phones could be with:

God

Our family’s and pets (they frankly won’t be here forever. Sorry if that’s dark but my childhood dogs getting old and if I could go back and spend every moment of my childhood I spent on my phone playing with her *when she could still play* I would. And if I could go back and spend all the time I was on my phone with my other lost family I would)

Hobbies

Dreams (putting effort to school, or researching something your interested in learning)

Body’s (self care, exercise, cooking)

Im not saying the internet is some evil thing, there are good parts to it. But for me personally I think I’m choosing to unplug for a while. I want to get away from the constant rage bait and doomsday thinking and allow myself to breathe. I want to feel God in everything I do. I want to have those hours of my life back to grow and learn and enjoy life.

Anyway, sorry if that was a bit of a ramble. Much love and peace through Christ✨

[casualavocados]

so i've been going down several translation holes while giffing kiseki... finding different sources which have their own translations, etc. then trying to choose the words that fit the meaning of the scene im giffing best.

i just wanna talk about two lines in particular that have made me tilt my head and wonder about nuances, so here we go:

the first line/translation i want to mention is from ep9, and is to do with the meaning and intention of the characters/story. it's when chen yi is confronting ai di after he gets out of prison about the time ai di slept with him four years before. i found three different versions of what ai di cuts him off with:

these all contain insanely different meanings in english. i was losing my mind trying to figure out the subtleties of what ai di was saying here, so i reached out to a very helpful speaker of the language who has made kiseki translation posts before, @nikkotinamide , and they said this about it:

and i just got so excited about that...the nuance! the specifics! referring to it as "settling accounts" is likely where the first translation about "the past" comes from, but the other two are closer to the true meaning. however, if you simply went with the revenge line you would miss the complexities that are being suggested in ai di's character.

thinking of that night as a debt he owes to chen yi and has to pay back... as something to be settled - something he isn't even really asking about but more expects chen yi to follow through on... it makes this line so much more poignant to me because it describes his guilt and heartbreak about what happened between them - about what ai di chose to do - in a much more specific and cutting way. ai di expects anger, rejection, and retaliation from chen yi, and tries goading him into reacting in those ways bc he believes he has done something unforgivable (and also that chen yi doesn't (and will never) love him), so he would rather chen yi push him away than risk being that close again.

(un?)luckily for him chen yi is absolutely smitten with him and doesn't let him get away with it. ♥️

the second translation i want to focus on is in ep12 & has more to do with words that don't translate exactly into english, but i went on a similar bender trying to decipher it:

specifically the translation of the last two characters: "堂口 (táng kǒu)" - the word translated here as "office".

bc outside of youtube i found those characters also translated as "headquarters," "gang," and "hall", which are all, again, wildly different from each other. so my best guess was that it was actually a very specific word that highly depended on the context it was being used in, and that context was being translated generally so that non-speakers in the audience would understand. but i wanted to know what that specific word and context was!

so i reached out to a bestie who did some more digging and she found this:

which IMMEDIATELY made me batshit insane because of course that's what it means; of course it's that specific!!

"office" is too professional for where chen yi lives - it's a car garage; it's their front as an auto shop. but it's also not yiyun's "headquarters" because that's the building with the spa where chen dongyang and his husband operate out of: the true central point of the gang. but because of this other line in episode 3, we know chen yi (and ai di too through association; they're a pair, do not buy separately, etc.) leads a specific division of yiyun gang:

so when chen yi asks ai di in ep12 if he's going to the bar or to "堂口" he's asking if he's coming home to the auto shop: their specific division of the gang, (which we knew all along was what he was talking about in the first place).

(...and this is just me continuing with the meta side of it, not the translations, but i also think this connects to what xiao jie and ai di were both talking about when they brought up chen yi's succession as the leader of yiyun:

because chen yi is currently just a leader of one branch of the gang, and young (25 at the point where cdy retires), so to me it makes sense that older, senior members of the gang - possibly even leaders of other divisions - would want that spot. but chen yi is practically cdy's son so get wrecked guys the gang passes to him. 🥰

and that's also why cdy is urging ai di to just come back and be a member again. bc he raised both chen yi and ai di (they are a pair, do not buy seperately) and because chen yi is gonna need ai di to watch his back as he takes over full responsibility. ...im mad we didn't get to see more inter-gang dynamics. that could have been so COOL let me IN.)

anyway those are the two translation bits that have left the biggest impression on me while i've watched and giffed kiseki so far. i just think language is so fucking neat.

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

Secretary Questions and Answers Part 1

What's the answer to life, the universe and everything?

Being nice to people you don't know. nd also large amount of cocaine

Why did you make the reading comprehension section in the last module?

I'm a librarian! Teaching literacy is half the fun of my job! The rates of functional illiteracy are quite high (up to 50% in some areas of North America). I believe that literacy is one of the few ways to better one's situation, and it starts with asking questions about what you are reading and trying to read in-between the lines. I like teaching people :)

Bingus?

Did you do 9/11?

When I was a wee young lass,

What are some other interactive novels you would recommend?

Secretary Answer: The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante!

Author Answer: For choice of games/hosted games, I like Night Road, the creme de la creme series, fallen hero (which is probably the most predictable recc ever), lies under ice was a really cool recent sci fi release, slammed! is old but pretty great. Separate to choicescript, Our Life Beginnings and Always has a special spot in my heart, it's very much a comfort game for me. I played Digimon Survive this year and although it's kind of a hybrid (it has a lot of turn-based strategy) it's a cool spooky VN. I like the zero escape series too, but also heavily criticise them the way that only somebody who likes something a lot can.

Secretary Answer: show off

What are the characters opinions about peeing in the shower?

nobody pisses in the shower excepts:

Vantage (time efficient)

Hypothesis (he also poops in the shower)

Beth (she's incontinent)

how do author and secretary come together to work on DYVJ? what's the synergy and system like (if there is a system)?

The author writes and does the creative management of the story. She chooses what is inputted in the story and all.

The secretary, me!, deals with a lot of the behind the scene stuff, and with participates in the character design and scene compositions. Create plot points, keep track of things, etc.

essentially, she writes and i am her HR manager. the blog was my idea :)

you guys gay?

i ate her pussy, yes

why is she named surpass

iirc it's because I wanted to evoke a sort of - I don't want to say "Superman" vibe, but I wanted to have a name that evokes power and force. It also feeds a bit into her personality. She's kind of cocky, I'm sure you've noticed, and 'Surpass' has a kind of 'come at me bro' feel to it, making it more the kind of name she'd pick.

Can we smooch Surpass?

Surpass is presently unsmoochable.

Very serious and important question that is totally serious and not at all not serious. At all. Ever. So. Would CG let MC pamper her and feed her sweets via hand? I want to hand feed my handler a Cannoli

CG would be unbelievably tsundere about anyone trying to pamper her.

How did you play Baldur's Gate 3?

my wife says i play games like a maniac. in stealth games (hitman, my beloved), i just run around with guns and kill everything and then finish the missions. allegedly im not supposed to play the game like that! bg3 was a similar experience: what do you mean im not supposed to kill story npcs for their loot? aradin, eat your heart out

[portraitofalonelydyke]

anon I will respond to you since you asked for one but like I mentioned I do not want to put this content on people's dashes so I will do it here under a cut. I am only responding because I do think you raise some valid questions about my portrayal of events that I hope I can clarify.

So, regarding my writeup and the potential issues with my reporting:

ANON: im really sorry bc i know this is long and please actually read and respond to everything i say here if you choose to respond at all bc i'd rather you ignore me than cherry pick reponses to my words, but:

i really don't like your potrayal of a situation in which scarlet insisted that everything was consensual and that she would never claim otherwise, to neil gaiman, while they were seeing each other, after he very strongly implied that he would kill himself if she ever tried to "'me too' [him]" (don't love how he phrased that either, and i feel you just kind of brushed past it) as somehow calling her allegations into question. i don't think her insisting that she consented to everything, in this instance, can be trusted, if she genuinely believes that implying otherwise will cause gaiman's death. like, even if we assume that there was no sexual abuse whatsoever, that is emotional abuse, plain and simple. and i, personally, don't see why he would repeatedly go, basically, "are you sure, because if you ever say anything else i will kill myself" if he thought that he could credibly defend himself against hypothetical assault allegations.

i also don't like how you focus heavily on areas where consent was murky or where k or scarlett may have lied about their consent to gaiman, while brushing past the instances where both k and scarlett claim they clearly did not consent to a certain sex act and he continued anyway. i am not saying you ignored these instances, do not mistake me, but you did focus more heavily on the more "nuanced" incidences. i find this concerning; i actually don't care if either of them consented to sex, including rough or painful sex, at other points in their relationship if their consent was intentionally violated at other points as they claim it was. and i think your emphasizing their interest in sex, including rough sex and painful, at certain points in the relationship is unnecessary and inappropriate because their consenting to sex, including rough and painful sex, at one point is actually irrelevant to whether or not their specific claims of assault are true or not.

i also don't like how you described the uti incident as "not [an] appropriate consensual act" instead of what it actually is, which is rape. i find it incredibly offensive to use such soft language to describe an incredibly clear cut instance of alleged assault, especially taking into account how little words you spend on the instance compared to the amount of consensual sex they had.

i would also really like to hear what you have to say on gaiman's own defense being that k is completely making up the allegations because she's still upset over him ending a relationship twenty years ago and scarlett has created false memories based on a medical condition that she does not have nor does it seem she ever had because that just... doesn't seem plausible to me? like, these don't sound like the words of an innocent man to me and i would very much like to hear your take.

MY ANSWER:

Point One about my portrayal of her messages of consent after Neil mentions wanting to kill himself over this news: I don't know if you saw my edit to the post but I do address this.

It has to be said that Neil implying he considered suicide over this adds context to Scarlett’s messages of consent and how true those feelings were at the time. It was incredibly manipulative on his end.

What I mean by "how true those feelings were at the time" is exactly what you say. Can we be sure those messages she consent she sent are true to her feelings or were they placating him? I don't know. He is manipulative for saying this no matter the reason she said those things.

Point two about me focusing more on the consensual aspects versus the non consensual ones: I also don't disagree, and if I were to start that post fresh after knowing what we know now and sitting with this for entire day, I may have written it completely differently. There is even the "butter" instance that I didn't mention at all. Though that wasn't an allegation of SA but more an accusation of unsafe consenual sex.

Guess my focus on the consensual parts were because I felt like the publication misrepresented the situation in their article breaking the news. I felt their portrayal of the roughness/BDSM aspects were that they were non consensual and forced. This wasn't true. They may have given consent under circumstances where in hindsight/outside perspective they did not have the tools to do so safely. But they did consent. That fact does NOT absolve Neil, and doesn't excuse certain instances like the bath/uti that are clear instances of assault. On this I would also like to say that from the start I have said this isn't black and white and to get the whole picture yeah we do have to look at the parts that are murky and what parts the women did have agency of their own. Please don't turn this into victim blaming, I have literally been in their shoes and consented to acts that I didn't actually want/couldn't safely consent to at the time but I did have agency.

Point three about me saying assault verses rape: Yeah this is an area I'm not an expert on and have my own biases/cowardice on. I guess what I'm stuck on is I personally have strong feelings about the word rape versus assault. K did not use the word rape (unless my memory failed) to describe this instance, and I'm not saying it's NOT it's just I am struggling with this aspect too and I hope you can hold some grace with me over the wording choices.

Point four on Neil's response: I'm actually struggling to remember when and how this was mentioned in the podcast. I don't believe it was a direct quote from him and I believe this came from the podcasters more than from him directly but this is one part that I'm not exactly sure on the facts. I'll have to track this point down. In Scarlett's side, yeah it's fucked if he said that. On K's, well... I don't know. I'm not saying that what happened to her didn't happen/wasn't valid/wasn't assault. But yeah, she's clearly hurt over what happened to him and I don't think she would have ever come forward if the podcast hadn't reached out to her first. Like I said, I can't verify what he said and if he did say they were "made up" but to be fair, she never expressed to him that she now feels differently about their time together. For him this is coming out of nowhere as they had been in contact and still flirting with each other up until 2022. I hope he didn't say she was making it up, but it does appear that these allegations from her completely blindsided him and he did not know that's how she viewed their relationship.

Well there you go, I took the time to respond to you because I don't think I am above criticism and I believe you're acting in good faith.

EDIT TO ADD A DIFFERENT ANON PROVIDING CONTEXT ON WHAT NEIL SAID

"in case you're wondering, i don't recall if and when it was said in the podcast, but in the accompanying article it says "… [Gaiman] denies any unlawful behavior with K and is disturbed by her allegations… Tortoise understands that he believes K's allegations are motivated by her regret over their relationship and that Scarlett was suffering from a condition associated with false memories at the time of her relationship with him, a claim which is not supported by her medical records and medical history."

while i can understand feeling initially skeptical as they do not give an exact quote, these statements (especially regarding scarlett) are so specific that i find it difficult to believe that any publication, even tortoise, would make them up wholecloth considering the amount of legal liabiltiy it would open them up to. i know that the uk has infamously shitty libel laws, but considering gaiman's fame, wealth, and influence, the seriousness of the allegations, and the specificity of the statements (again, especially regarding scarlett), i personally don't believe a publication wanting to be taken seriously would risk putting this in print if he did not actually say something to this effect."

Thank you for sending this! I will research tomorrow and potentially add to the original post but it doesn't seem like my edits are being seen by many anyway. I agree with you. Very disappointing that that's his response about Scarlett, on K's I'm conflicted on still. It's not technically untrue to characterize it that way. She does now have regrets over the relationship. It doesn't absolve him but she admits herself that it was with time/distance that she came to view this experience in a negative light. As I expect most people would in her shoes!

[familyabolisher]

i think in general if you are at a restaurant it's bad form to address your waiter as 'darling' but if the one unbelievably attractive man in a shirt that was open to like halfway down his chest that i was serving last night wanted to keep doing it to me all night, which he did, then, well. i am fine with that.

[aeonophagic]

me, the jester, asked the court if yaoi could bloom even on a battlefield. the court was so kind as to even help me care for the fields for it to sprout and then bloom — is it my fault?

bonus

[blairboo]

Bones’ list of priorities has become apparent in the latest episode

(of course I’m never mad to see my clown boy animated, that “holy shit” made my day ilu clown psychopathic gay man muah)

The fake anime screenshot is drawn by creantzy btw

[hecksupremechips]

God every day I think about Akane’s breakdown in door 3 because there really is no correct way to interpret that and every possibility makes me crazy. Like she sees this fucked up corpse whom Junpei (and the player, depending on how they play) believes is their friend Snake, but she knows that it’s Guy X. It’s a man she very intentionally put in the game for this very purpose, so that he could die horrifically and be displayed for everyone to see. And she has a full mental breakdown over being trapped in this room with the corpse, being trapped by Junpei, to the point where she rips out her hair and starts bleeding from how much she bangs on the door screaming to get out. And fuck, there’s so many possibilities like

Akane could be feeling genuine terror over the sight of the body, and with that remorse. She made this happen, she wanted this to happen, and now she’s forced to quite literally watch the damage she’s caused unfold. She can detach herself from his murder easily in other timelines where she doesn’t have to look at it, and she can sleep easy knowing that her hands are technically clean because she didn’t do the literal killing. But she can’t do that here, and she has to face the fact that not only did she happily cause this death, she failed her mission. She isn’t going to survive, and now this man is dead for nothing and everything is her fault

On the other hand, her entire breakdown could be completely fabricated in order to keep playing the role of the damsel in distress who is so innocent that the very sight of blood drives her to insanity. The interesting part about this is that if she could fake such a horrific breakdown, just how much of her personality a facade? We know she wants revenge, for everyone from Cradle to feel even an ounce of the pain she and so many others went through, but we don’t get to see the extent of how much she feels this way. We never hear directly from Akane about her feelings on any of the original organizers, just her note about her desire to punish them. She hates them, but does she see their deaths as a necessary evil, or does she feel joy and satisfaction at watching them go? It’s absolutely horrifying not knowing, not being able to see her true feelings, not knowing just how real or fake she is, the extent of her madness. Perhaps she doesn’t even know that herself

IN OTHER WORDS, it’s fucked

[koheletgirl]

ok so i don't personally believe in the 2 states solution (for a myriad of reasons i won't get into now), but why does it seem like everyone who supports it these days is labeled as a zionist? i know why i might think that, but i doubt it's for the same reasons so i'm genuinely asking here

[gingerbreadmonsters]

not even panicking . idek what ur saying why would ever be worried abt this

[strike-another-match]

me: hey jsyk your business partner is sexually harrassing me?

my CEO: oh yeah he's like that... oh god. oh god yeah

THEN WHY THE FUCK IS HE WORKING HERE

[seiwas]

📑 what fic/s of yours is/are your personal favourite/s and why?

feel free to reblog / comment / say it in the tags and even share links if you want! 🤭

[xiexielians]

@animangacreators Challenge 05 I Favorite OTP    

Hualian ft. Taylor Swift lyrics 

[ladyofthelake]

Was looking up farfarawaysite because NOSTALGIA and haven't been on there for ages and I find promo pics for Colin I hadn't seen yet and also Bradley and I knew about Colins show three families BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT TO FIND PICS OF THEM BOTH HOLDING A BABY