#im better at talking to strangers than i thought lol

[yume-no-miya]

look i love making sae be the one who's so in love and showering hajun with so much love and affection but it's much more fun to think that HE fell harder than her

[moriitis]

Don't talk to strangers on the internet.

Toby Rogers x Female Reader. Content/Warnings; phone sex, dirty talk, masturbation, threats, graphic themes, sexual themes.

18+ MINORS DNI. NSFW/SMUT.

Word count; 4.7k

So, you met this guy. He was cute, his pictures on his social media were inviting enough and eventually the two of you got around to talking. He was.. charming of sorts, oh, and funny too! But there was one thing that always rubbed you the wrong way, how he always avoided certain questions. You'd had your fair share of friendships over the wonders of the internet, you knew a handful of people and if you were asked, you knew their age, whereabouts they came from and what their dog was called. The usual information you felt any friend was ought to know but this guy.. you weren't sure; a part of you just assuming that maybe he some sort of catfish? - Or just a very private person and hey, who were you to blame? The internet could be a weird, dangerous and pretty scary place. You'd had the phrase 'Stranger danger' drilled into your head more times than you could count. But him -

Toby.

That was all you knew of him. Well, other than he was also in his twenties and owned a crappy pick up truck. He'd met you through -

Toby: a friend of a friend….. thought u seemed cute :)

And well, he was cute to so fuck it; you gave him a chance and opened the DM he sent. His Instagram was plain as anything, with barely any followers and equally barely posts. Some crappy mirror selfie, a photo of his truck and then a picture of a cake. It all felt… well, weird and it gave your gut a weird feeling.

[Y/N]: friend of a friend? umm.. who?

Naturally, you were open to meeting new people and forming friendships, but your Instagram was pretty private and you couldn't think of which friend who would give it out without your consent.

1 Image Attached.

And it was a screenshot of your friends Instagram. It was.. better than nothing but it only opened up a lot more questions than answers. It was bad, you were single, lonely and he was cute; so fuck it you'd let it slide this once. After accepting his follow request, you allowed him further into your private life. The photos and pictures on your feed detailing every part and aspect of your life. The park you would visit, what you ate for breakfast, your Spotify wrapped, photos of your pets, it was endless but your Instagram was your safe space; so you posted a lot on there. Even after accepting him, a part of you expected him to almost immediately ask for nudes or better yet, send some unasked dick picture in your DMs. But that was where Toby surprised you, because for months he kinda just ghosted you or wouldn't message at all. You weren't going to complain, you liked not having someone spam the shit out of you.

Then, as days and weeks ticked by, you'd upload more. Admittedly, you forgot about your little DM encounter with Toby until he liked your photo. It was just a picture of your new nails, a little treat you'd like to get once the blue moon. As soon as you got the notification, your phone buzzed again and it was another DM from Toby.

Toby: hey. sorry i havent messaged in awhile. lol

You blinked, unsure on what to type back but it was too late now because you'd opened the message and he had seen that you had seen it. So you both sat in the chat, lingering, that familiar online green dot beside his profile picture as you thought on what to say. This small talk shit was… a bit boring and you hated it. So, after a moment, you typed a response.

[Y/N]: oh no dont worry its ok!

He read it in an instant.

Toby: im toby btw. srry i never like rlly introduced myself and now u probs think im some creep

A laughing emoji followed behind his sentence and you couldn't help the smile creeping across your face. You swiftly tapped your fingers against the screen as you typed back a reply.

[Y/N]: im [Y/N]. haha its ok

You cringed a little, you felt like you were being so blunt toward him; so for safety measures you sent a little smiling emoji after your own text.

The small talk flickered back and forth for a couple more months until Toby's messages became a little more consistent and as much as you hated to admit it; you were opening up to him more and more. The awkwardness of the first interaction seemed to have disappeared the more you interacted with him, yet that nagging voice in the back of your mind were persistent. Despite the time you had known each other, Toby would dodge each question you asked him.

[Y/N]: so where r u from?

Then suddenly he'd go offline. Then at other times he would respond at insane hours of the morning. Time zones, you thought. Maybe he were just across the country and he'd respond at times when you were asleep? It made sense, it was logical and yet that voice still lingered; that something was weird about this Toby user. His green flags kept you around though, or the random memes or reels he would send you that would make you laugh. Before you knew it, the months rolled into a year already of knowing him and each time he'd send you a message, there'd be a flutter of excitement in the pits of your stomach.

It was late, well, early actually. Your sleep schedule was beyond fucked and you were sleeping until noon and staying up until the early hours of the morning. Toby must've been a night owl too, because almost every time he saw you online in the early hours of the morning, he'd send a message. This time though, there was no message and he was offline, the chat between the two of you unusually quiet. Now, perhaps it was the lack of sleep and the impulsiveness that followed, but you were lingering in the chat; debating whether you should message him or not. You didn't want to bother or disturb him, especially if he were sleeping.. but you were adamant he had to be awake.

4:24 AM.

[Y/N]: r u awake

Silence, no respond and with a sigh you admitted defeat. Maybe you should just try to sleep. Then, that green bubble appeared next to his picture and you quickly tapped back into the chat.

Toby: now i am

[Y/N]: fuck im srry did i wake u up

Toby: lol nah i was joking :p

You rolled your eyes, smiling softly to yourself.

[Y/N]: wat u doin

Toby's speech bubble appeared, disappeared, appeared and then disappeared again in the chat.

1 Image Attached.

Your curiosity peaked and you raised a brow. Admittedly, you were nervous to open it because now you were convinced it was going to be a picture of his dick. This had, sadly, happened too many times and it had become a little predictable now. However, as you clicked opened the image, it was nothing but a picture of him laying on a bed. There was a tv on a dresser, it looked like he were watching some movie but honestly, your attention was elsewhere. The sheets were draped over his legs in an almost half-assed fashion. Your eyes, dare you admit it, trailed higher up the photo. His bare legs on display, one laid out straight while the other propped up with his knee in the air. It looked as if he were only in his boxers but you couldn't really tell, it was dark and the only thing illuminating the photo was the glare from the tv before him. Now, Toby was hot, you were single and you couldn't help but admit that maybe you were a little lonely and that photo opened up a lot more feelings than you anticipated to feel tonight. Swiping off the photo, you saw he was lingering in the chat and decided to message back quickly before it got weird.

[Y/N]: oh lol just watching tv. kinda boring.

You teased and Toby sent a laughing emoji.

Toby: probably better than wat u r doing… wat r u doing? huh?!

You laughed at the tone of message. With a huff, you raised your phone above you before snapping a photo. Your face, thankfully, was out of frame, but the photo allowed him to catch a glimpse of your collarbones; the rest of your chest tucked away under the thicket of your duvet. It was a teasing photo, you could admit that. He could see your jaw and jawline, a soft smile across your face.

It was also dark in your room, so you used the phone's flash to give him better access of what he was looking at. Then you sent, not wanting to give it another thought. Toby reacted to the photo with a gasped emoji but you knew he were just teasing, the motion enough to make you chuckle softly.

Toby: ur legit not even doing anything and me watching tv is boring? lol ok.

You loved how comfortable you now seemed with one another, a huge difference compared to a year ago when he first popped up in your DMs. His message made you laugh again, sending him a gif of someone poking their tongue out.

[Y/N]: u sound like a hater

Toby: me??? a hater???? LOLLLLLL sure.

Then the chat went silent a little, but he were still online; waiting, yearning even. This friendship between you and Toby was something you cherished, it flowed so well that it felt as if you guys had known each other longer than a year. With a sigh, you tapped your fingers against your screen; trying to find words to keep the conversation going. It seemed, however, that Toby thought the same thing and he had already beat you to it.

Toby: u know. ive never heard ur voice.

Those words, nothing but a simple array of pixels, was enough to make you feel another flutter of excitement. You were a little surprised by his message and you also knew that he were right. You hadn't heard his voice either and now a part of you were also equally curious.

[Y/N]: what r u implying? lol

Toby: idk. maybe i should have ur number and call u.

You raised a brow, it was smooth; trying to get your number and all that. You weren't going to hesitate, because admittedly you felt a little more comfortable with Toby than ever before.

[Y/N]: lol but its late and im tired. plus i sound like shit :p

It were true and even though everything in your very being told you that you wanted to call him, you were also a little nervous at the prospect of it.

Toby: u think i care?

He was right, why do you care? Maybe it was because there were feelings that were blossoming. Fuck, and that was bad itself as you had no idea if this guy even had a girlfriend. You didn't want to be some wrecker, or worse, the other woman. But why would you care? Is the only thought you could muster up, it's not like this phone call was going to go anywhere. You were friends, nothing else, no benefits, no strings attached; just two people who enjoy each others company. So, before you knew it you had typed your phone number away in the chat. Nothing followed after a couple minutes, making your hands clammy from sweat. God, you hated phone calls and now you were nothing but a puddle of sweaty anxiety as you waited for him to call.

Then there it was, your phone buzzing from the incoming call. It was an unknown number, naturally and you only assumed it was Toby's. Although you hesitated to answer, feeling yourself chew on the bottom of you lip. Quickly, you answered and pressed your phone to your ear. It was quiet, an awkward silence looming over the two of you.

"Hey," he spoke, his voice a lot more huskier and deeper than you imagined it to be. Immediately, you felt shy and swallowed back the lump in your throat to respond.

"Hey," you replied, your nervousness evident in your tone of voice alone. You could hear a short, brief chuckle emerge from the other end and you sat up a little, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"I don't think you sound gross," he started, causing a small fluster of red to emerge on your cheeks. You were thankful this wasn't FaceTime. "I l-ll-.. like your voice." He spoke in nothing but a hushed whisper, which yeah, made sense considering it was nearly 5 AM. Toby had opened up to you about his stutters before, so hearing him struggle with some words were nothing out of the ordinary for you. You were thankful he trusted you enough to open up about it really.

You chuckled, trying your best to remain quiet. "Thanks," you started, your heart beating a million beats per second.

Then that awkward silence again and you cringed, licking your lips wet before speaking again.

"Sorry, I'm so awkward," you let you a short chuckle, running a hand through your hair as you tried to act more casual. Toby chuckled again.

"It's okay, I get it," he reassured, his voice soothing and comforting. You palmed nervously at your duvet, not even too sure what to say. There was always so much to say over text and now he had you pinned, in the spotlight a little and you were choking.

"There's a lot I want to say-" you admitted sheepishly and Toby hummed in interest.

"Then say it."

You exhaled a shaky breath, licking your lips once again. As much as he had you pinned, you also had him. There were so many questions you wanted to ask, so many things you wanted to know and now seemed as good time as any. If he were to hang up, then that would answer a lot of your suspicions. "I just feel like I barely know you."

"Then what do you w-ww-.. wanna know?" he asked, his voice gentle and welcoming and frankly it put you on edge a little. You didn't want to interrogate the man but this was the closest you had been to actually knowing more about him in the whole damned year you knew him!

"Well, I'm assuming your name isn't just Toby."

He chuckled.

"I mean, it's Toby… but I do also have a l-llast name, yeah."

You swallowed, throat becoming unbearably dry.

"Well… what is it?" You asked, your anxiety bubbling at the base of your throat as if you were about to throw up.

"Toby Rogers." You could hear him smiling as he said it and you breathed out a sigh of relief which was loud enough for him to hear. "Why'd you wanna know?" And admittedly, you weren't sure. Maybe because it just felt more.. real? Honestly, you just felt better knowing than unknowing.

"I-I-.." you couldn't explain yourself. "Honestly, I don't know-" you admitted, chuckling dryly.

Toby Rogers. Toby Rogers. That name repeated itself in the back of your mind, each time you found yourself almost recognising it more and more. It was so familiar, like you had heard it before and yet you were unsure as to where. Toby's short scoff brought you back to the conversation at hand. You could hear that same tv in the background on his end. It wasn't loud but loud enough for you to make out screaming.

"Are you watching a horror film?" you asked, snorting out a little laugh at his nerdiness. Although, you received no response, no answer. The screaming just filling the end of the phone, you felt that uneasiness creep back into your very being. Then, after a second long silence, he spoke.

"Oh- hah.. sorry, yeah, I am, didn't think you could hear it."

You forced a smile, scratching absently at the back of your neck.

"So.. what are you wearing?" Your heart fell through to your ass and you froze, wide eyed in horror at his sudden question. It was unexpected and nervously you choked out a laugh.

"Uh-" you started and before you could even muster up any courage to speak, he was laughing; which only calmed you briefly.

"Haha! Oh god, I'm joking, I'm not a weirdo-" he chuckled, laughing a lot harder than he had recently done. You rolled your eyes, shit he wanted to play games? You were up for it, but first you needed to fan yourself for a moment. His laughter faded back into that silence as you glanced down at your body. Admittedly, you just wore some old over sized shirt that had acquired many holes over the years and your underwear. Wasn't particularly lingerie, but shit, it's not like you exactly planned to actually do something with this guy?

You snickered to yourself purely because the idea of.. being so intimate with him excited with you more than you'd ever know.

"I'm wearing just some old shirt, that's-.." you choked out a laugh. "That's really too big for me.. and just-.. just my underwear." Toby was silent on the other end, not expecting you to actually straight up answer his question. He let out a short chuckle and then another, not believing what you had said but by the serious tone in your voice, he dawned on him that you were being honest.

"Oh?" he finally croaked out, feeling something stir within him. It was this flutter of excitement, that began in the lower pits of his stomach and finally travelled to his cock. Now, he knew what dangerous game he were playing and he knew that if he accepted this invitation, it could bring him a great deal of trouble. Your voice was just so.. tempting and it lured him in just to taste more of your sweet words. Toby clenched his jaw a little, he was getting so riled up at just the thought of you alone. "You don't sleep naked?" there was a teasing hint in his tone of voice and you chuckled.

"Would you rather I did?" And it was there he melted. Fuck, he'd do anything. He'd tug on some fucking pants right now just to march over to your house and fuck you relentlessly. Your words resulted in him shuddering, his breath hot and heavy down the phone. Toby knew to choose his words carefully here because ultimately he knew he were playing with fire, it's just the only issue was; he was thinking more with his dick now than with his head. Toby scoffed out chuckle once again, his voice a lot more huskier than before.

"I mean.. I would-" he started, his mind a horny, jumbled mess as he tried to conjure up the right words. "Would make it easier for me to fuck you." Speaking those words made his skin prickle, it was so wrong and in that moment it felt so right. The tension in the air was palpable, his mouth feeling increasingly dry. His cock stirred and twitched beneath the fabric of his boxers, making him shift uncomfortably in bed. God, he wasn't gonna jack off tonight but fuck it, if you were gonna, he wasn't going to let you do it alone.

And you weren't any better than he was on the other end, your own clit aching for a simple touch. It made you shift also, in some sort of desperate attempt to feel some fabric against the sensitive nerves. The touch, however, not enough as you felt yourself slipping back into the softness of your pillow. His words almost made your head spin, your breath hitching in your throat as you tried to control your thoughts; which were riddled with nothing but filth. As much as you tried to deny it, you could feel the dampness seep through the thin layer of fabric between your legs, feeling so ridiculously turned on that a part of you questioned how long it had been since you hooked up with someone.

"God-.." you breathed helplessly down the phone, your words and breathless tone already giving Toby the thumbs up that he was headed in the right direction.

It was there he laughed a little, almost in disbelief. "Wait, are you touching yourself?"

You froze a little in his reply, dumbfounded. Should you be? Your body ached for it, so why not? Quickly, you pushed a hand down between your thighs and got to rolling your index and middle finger against your clit. You gasped at the touch, legs parting a little more as you rolled your head back into pillow beneath you. The touch brought an immediate warmth to the lower of your stomach, earning a soft, delicate whimper to escape from between the plumpness of your lips.

Those noises only stirred Toby into motion himself, palming himself through his boxers with a soft grunt here and there. His eyes closed briefly, imagining all those delicate sounds to be coming from the tip of his cock. Wanting to desperately to feel your lips wrapped around his shaft.

"I like those pretty, little sounds," he spoke softly, his voice just above a whisper as he soaked in each sound that flowed through the speaker of his phone. "What are you thinking about while you touch yourself?" he grunted, biting the bottom of his lips briefly as the mental image of you in bed reaching your orgasm to the thought of his cock alone making him almost tremble and whimper himself.

Your fingers, although with a slight tremble, continued to dance against your clit. Rolling it softly in an attempt to pace yourself, but you were hungry for an orgasm and not only that; you were fucking tired. It wasn't like you wanted this to be over, it's just you weren't sure how long you could hold out for. His words fed your actions more as your whines and whimpers continued to flood helplessly through the phone. "I'm think-.." you interrupted yourself with a moan, "I'm thinking about how good you'd feel."

Those words send a shiver of delight down his spine and Toby was feeling too hungry to withdraw himself any longer. So, his hand wrapped around the length of his shaft and slowly he pumped at it. Each motion of his hand sending soft waves of pleasure to course through his bloodstream, a concealed grunt and groan which passed through his clenched teeth. He wasn't exactly a vocal person - though he had to be for the whole idea of phone sex to really work. "Ffuck-" he breathlessly moaned, his cock an aching mess with pre-cum already coating the tip of it; adding only a fraction of lubrication.

Toby's own mind was equally full of sinful thoughts, the idea of running is tongue up between your slit to suckle softly on your clit, or the idea of cumming all over that pretty face of yours. Admittedly, being a fucking murderer meant he didn't get many blissful nights of burying his cock deep in someone; so the thoughts accompanied with those sounds of yours were enough to nearly already make him cum. Stifling a moan with a lip pressed firmly against his upper teeth, he groaned a deep guttural growl.

"I need to feel you-" and a part of you cringed at how desperate you sounded, like whiny slut. Toby didn't mind, why would he? You sounded like a fucking pornstar and he knew it wouldn't be long until he was seeing stars and coating his knuckles in his warm, white liquids.

"Fuck, keep talking," he grunted as his hips bucked into his hand, almost helplessly fucking the palm of his hand. He could only imagine how fucking good your pussy would feel wrapped around him, how wet he would make you, how good he could make you feel. His command did things to you, the way he spoke through gritted teeth and there was a tightness forming not just in your lower abdomen, but in your thighs as well. For a brief moment, your fingers moved from your clit to your dripping cunt, coating your fingers to coat your clit in your wetness. You were torn, wanting to feel something inside you and wanting to give your clit attention; you'd cum either way regardless.

You began to mumble incoherent whimpers, praising him and uttering his name like sweet nothings; words dripping in poison that would intoxicate Toby more and more. Your grip on the phone began getting looser as you felt the warmth rush to your cheeks, your own hips rolling against your fingers in a desperate attempt to reach your orgasm.

"Toby- please make me cum, please-.." you cringed hearing yourself so squeezed your eyes shut. You could feel yourself sinking deeper and deeper into your pillow, a rush of blood creeping across your face and almost making your head spin.

Your words were the tipping point for Toby, and with one final grunt and thrust, stringy ropes shot up and out across his knuckles. "Nng- Ffuck-" he slurred on his own words, the warmth of his own cum sending shockwaves and ripples up his abdomen.

While Toby rolled out the end of his orgasm with some slow thrusts, you hadn't yet reached that phase as you helplessly humped your own fingers, breasts bouncing with each roll out that your hips gave. You were a desperate, panting mess as you tried to quieten and muffle each moan that dared to escape from you. Despite feeling satisfied himself, he knew he couldn't be a dick and leave you hanging on the edge of your orgasm - hell, he could though. Your moans were just good to miss however and quickly his focus returned to you as he came floating back down from his own high.

"The thing's I'd do to-to-… to you-" he choked out, surpassing a tic almost painfully. "I'd love to make you scream," he uttered, his voice lusty with a hint of something else. You hadn't noticed it at the time, but there was a sense of darkness that lingered in the back of his throat. His words having more meaning than a simple mission to get you to orgasm. Your head spun as the muscles in your thighs tightened, your hips bucking violently against your fingers as you reached the height of your own release. There were stars, a soft, long drawn out groan escaping deep within you as your hips continued to buck; a little softly as you rode out the very last of your orgasm. Your fingers rolled your clit until it became nothing but a sensitive bud, sending little jolts as you gasped, feeling sweaty against the mattress of your bed. The sound was music to his hears as he listened, the phone pressed so hard against his ear that for any other person it would've hurt.

"Fuck-" you gasped softly after each pant, allowing your body the time and space to recover.

"I'd love to bash your pretty, little head in with one of my hatchets."

And you felt your once steaming hot body turn into a cold flush, your breath hitching in the back of your throat. Had he really said that? Or was it more background noise from the horror film he was watching? Toby chuckled, it's friendliness vanishing in thin air before you as his demeanour became cold; uninviting. Your brows furrowed, too speechless to form a coherent thought. Was it just.. a kink thing? Was he.. fuck, like roleplaying or something? You were grasping at any explanation before you.

"What." Was all you could muster up, a measly whisper.

"I enjoyed talking to yo-ou. I'll be honest, never done this b-bb-before with most girls, I wooould've let you live… but work is work, you'll understand. Oh," he scoffed. "No, you won't but I'll see ya around, yeah?" And Toby hung up. Leaving you in a state of confusion.

Toby Rogers. Toby Rogers. You repeated it over again, sitting up on your elbow, brows furrowing and staring out into the darkness of your room. Toby Rogers - that name was on the news just the other week, you could've sworn it. The news anchor mentioning something about.. him murdering his Dad.. being a mass criminal.. and how he was still missing after all those years.

And you just had phone sex with him.

sorry if this seems rushed, still trying to find my lingo when it comes to writing smut.

will be a bit mia for the next days, but asks are open (just may take a lil while for me to answer them.) i originally planned for this to be shorter, but i have this weird habit of where once i start writing, i legit cannot stop.

[lvrspiastri]

love love love your writing! so in love with single dad!arthur, was wondering if i could request a fic in the same universe with arthur inviting reader over for a movie night ft. freddy ofc. just super fluffy and lighthearted stuff.

Parenthesis ᴬᴸ pt 2

and im glad you're in love with this AU bc i sure as hell haven't stopped thinking about it. i'm so happy to write more lol just tell me what you want and your wish is my command. i'm also done with exams so i'm about to GRIND bc i am jobless (i'm not). anyway enjoy love youuuu

reminder that requests are open just check out the guidelines :)

masterlist

pt 1

✧. ┊     PAIRING: single dad!arthur leclerc x gender-neutral!reader

✧. ┊    WORDS: 2k

✧. ┊    TAGS/WARNINGS: fluff, maybe a curse word here and there. kids. love.

Love was not something that frequented my list of words. While Arthur and I had been going out for three months now, the very thought of 'loving' him seemed silly. Fairytale-like. Unreal. I know better than to crave something no more real than elves and goblins.

Then what is it I fucking feel everytime he speaks to me?

"Can you bring some collations? Like uh...popcorn?" he talks hurriedly over the phone, chasing Freddy around the house to try and get his pants on.

"Snacks?"

"Yes, mon coeur, snacks," he coos, the accent getting to me again.

"Yeah, sure, easy. I'll see you in fifteen." I hang up, driving down to the store to get an assortment of snacks. Cheap ones, obviously, no one's paying more than $2 for a packet of popcorn. Even the flithy rich Monegasques.

By the time I knock, the door’s already open. Arthur stands there with his hair slightly damp, a faded hoodie hanging off one shoulder, and Freddy perched on his hip like he’s always belonged there.

“You came,” he says, a little breathless.

“You called,” I reply, holding up the plastic bag. “Popcorn, chocolate, Doritos.”

Freddy leans forward, little eyes shimmering with excitement. “You brought chocolate?”

I nod. “I did, bud.”

Arthur steps aside to let me in, balancing Freddy with one arm as he nudges the door shut with his foot. The place smells faintly of cinnamon and laundry detergent. His apartment is as messy as always, a half-built blanket fort caved in on one side, the TV screen paused on a Pixar logo, and socks—multiple, unmatched. A detail that speaks more than words.

“I was going to clean,” Arthur says, “but Freddy was very naughty.”

“You lost, I see.”

“Badly.”

Freddy wriggles down and disappears into the cushions with the snacks. Arthur doesn’t look at me right away. Just exhales, runs a hand through his hair.

“You okay?” I ask.

He nods. “Yeah. Just tired. It's been a long week.”

He says it like a confession. Like he isn’t sure he’s allowed to admit it.

I sit down next to him, close enough that our knees touch. He doesn’t pull away. There’s no fanfare to it—just the weight of being near someone you trust not to ask for more than you can give.

“Want tea?” he offers after a moment. Tea is his consolation when moments get awkward. An excuse to escape.

I shake my head. “Just this is fine.”

He nods again, slower this time. Like he hears it for what it is. Not a dismissal. A choice.

Freddy’s already started the movie, humming under his breath, half-wrapped in a fleece blanket on the floor. Arthur leans back beside me, arms crossed loosely, his eyes drifting toward his son and then back to the screen.

Arthur and I aren't physical. Or affectionate. It's hard to define what exactly we are but we both play a game of caution. Of fear. One move too far, one signal misinterpreted, and it's all over. So we sit on the couch, distantly.

Not far enough to be strangers. Not close enough to be lovers. Just… close enough to feel it.

The movie starts, some animated opening sequence with a talking animal and too much colour. Freddy giggles, mouth already sticky from melted chocolate, and Arthur smiles faintly at the sound. I catch him glancing my way. Quick. Unsure. Like he's still figuring out what he's allowed to feel around me. Like he’s waiting for me to laugh first, to say this is fine, that I won’t ask him to be more than what he can be.

I don’t laugh. But I don’t move either.

“You could have said no, you know,” he murmurs eventually, voice almost lost beneath the dialogue on the screen.

“To what?”

“Coming over. Doing… this.” He gestures vaguely, like the concept of popcorn and presence is somehow overwhelming.

“I didn’t want to say no.”

He glances down at his lap. His fingers twist in the hem of his hoodie. “Sometimes, I worry you are being just nice.”

I turn, brows furrowing. “Arthur—”

“It is not easy,” he says quickly. “I know. You know. I have got Freddy, and my hours are shit, and I forget things all the time. I forget to reply to your texts. I fall asleep halfway through calls. I’m not—” He cuts himself off, breathing hard.

“Perfect?” I finish for him.

He nods, once.

“Good,” I say, softer. “I’m not either.” I inch closer cautiously, placing a gentle hand on his arm.

"Que ferais-je sans toi?" He whispers, his eyes meeting my own. They're tired. But loving.

"Um..bonjour to you too," Arthur lets out a carefree chuckle at my statement. Freddy does too. He's observant, the kid. Destined to be great.

Arthur takes a second. Two. A minute. And then he opens his arms, patting his bicep. I let myself smile, slipping into his embrace. Maybe I should stop denying what I want. Him. He wraps his arms around me, lips pressed to the top of my head. I watch the movie but I'm not really watching the movie. I'm just feeling the warmth of all this. Of him. Of his hands aimlessly tracing my skin. Freddy's giggles at the jokes. Arthur pecks my head again, the sound causing Freddy to turn and exclaim.

"Hey, I wanna cuddle too!" He grabs his blankets, waddling to us and lying across our laps.

Freddy’s weight settles across us, warm and wiggly and perfect. Arthur chuckles, shifting to make room, one hand supporting his son, the other still loosely wrapped around me. It’s clumsy, this pile of limbs and fleece and feelings. But it fits. Somehow, we all fit.

The movie hums on in the background, bright colours flickering against the walls, cheerful music underscoring a scene I’ll never remember. Because all I can focus on is this moment. This breath. This weight. Freddy sighing contentedly. Arthur's hand still tracing gentle, absentminded circles into the fabric of my shirt. My heart thudding too fast for how still I’m sitting.

I shouldn't want this as much as I do.

But I do.

And that scares the hell out of me.

I lean into Arthur without meaning to. He doesn't pull away. If anything, he draws me in closer, his chin resting against my temple like it's the most natural thing in the world. My eyes slip shut for just a second.

This isn’t what I planned. Love was not something that frequented my list of words. It wasn’t supposed to be this quiet, this real, this utterly ordinary.

But maybe that’s the thing about love.

Maybe it doesn’t arrive with violins or grand confessions. Maybe it just slips in on a Friday night, between popcorn bags and blanket forts, between tired smiles and soft French murmurs.

Maybe it’s just this.

Uncomplicated.

Unannounced.

Arthur’s fingers tighten ever so slightly on my arm. Freddy shifts, letting out a small, contented hum, and Arthur kisses my temple one last time.

I don’t say it out loud. Not yet.

But I think I love him.

And maybe. Just maybe. That isn’t silly at all.

[dwaekkicidal]

Hii 🫶🏻

First off: I have to tell you your Han series has me in a chokehold I CAN NOT get over it! 😍😍 it just hit all the right spots 😍😫

I don’t know if your request are open but if they are could I request with Han and female reader where Han is jealous/possessive of his girlfriend? Maybe because she is still in the same friend group with her ex or if you prefer give it any other motivation. It can be either swf or nswf, do as you prefer really (but if it is nswf could you make the reader to have a big breast and Han with a 🍒fixation maybe?)

Anyway I love you blog! Have a nice day! 🫶🏻😘

me when i get to self insert myself into a fic cause i have big boobies😼 ALSO TY ASDHJKASDJK i kept feeling really insecure about that series but its getting so much love :''))) im happy you are enjoying it as well as my blog <3

Cherries

˚ʚHan Jisung x fem!Readerɞ˚

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ word count: 1.8k

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ warnings: fem!reader, reader has big boobs but no other physical features described, ex has they/them pronouns, kinda out of character ji?, exhibitionism, nipple play, brief mentions of p in v

DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!

Han’s eyes were narrowed, so sharp that you could cut diamonds with it. He watched intently as you conversed casually with your friend group. It’s not something he thought he would ever see himself getting genuinely mad over, but the familiar face in the crowd made his blood boil.  Had this exact situation taken place more than a year ago, Jisung would have been an anxious mess. Probably would be fiddling with his jacket’s sleeves and restlessly bouncing his leg while his mind went to the worst places possible. But now, after dating you for over 2 years, he was more confident in himself.

Don’t be fooled! He still gets jealous easily. Very easily… but it doesn’t make him as angsty as it used to. Nowadays all he feels is anger. The only thoughts that fill his mind are ones along the lines of “How dare that person talk to my girlfriend like that. Who do they think they are?” while strangers blatantly flirted with you, and he would make fun of them with words like “Did you see their face when you rejected them?? Fucking loser lol” when you would make a face and deny them before running back into his arms.

But those were with strangers. Not with your stupid ex. The same ex who made you hesitant going into this relationship with Han in the first place. And the same ex that managed to snake their way back into your friend group. While his thoughts were about the same, Han wasn’t very keen on taking his eyes off of them. The trust was still there with you, but he knew better than to trust your ex. The slimy, sugar-coated lies they told the group wouldn’t work on him. 

A hand being placed on his shoulder cut him from his thoughts. He was in full fight mode and completely missed the way you walked up to where he was on the couch. The game room the group had rented out for a few hours was filled with their booming voices and a random playlist off of somebody's Spotify. Some people were playing pool while the others stood nearby to watch and instigate mini brawls here and there. He was the only one who idly sat on the couch, drink in hand.

You knew he was in guard dog mode because of your ex’s presence so you made sure to break your attention from the group regularly to check up on him. Only this time he accidentally ignored you, so you made your way towards him. “You okay, Ji?” You smiled sideways and tilted your head, stealing a sip from his soda and settling yourself between his legs. Immediately all the anger drained from his body and he smiled up at you. His hands wrapped around your waist and he sat up, pulling you closer as he nodded.

“Yeah... Sorry haha.” You smiled sweetly and placed his cup on the coffee table, wrapping your arms around his neck once the cup was safely set down. “It’s okay, I know the situation is a little uncomfortable.” You whisper and tighten your hold around him, squeezing him lovingly and giggling to yourself when he rests his cheek against your chest. He grins like an idiot at his personal pillow and shoves his face harder until you eventually get red in the face and push him back. “Hey now… We’re still in public.”

“That can change. Let’s go home right now and I’ll show you a good time?” He smirks and pulls you closer. His chin rests against the top of your chest and he looks up at you with puppy eyes and his signature pout. “C’monn… I’ve been good all day.” His hands drop down to your hips, digging his fingers into them as his voice drops an octave, “‘Promise to show you a good time. You know Hannie always takes care of his baby-”

Your name gets called and the both of you jump. You chuckle and turn in his grasp, now standing sideways to respond to the person. He let his eyes return to your group, simply curious about who you interrupted his begging but was made even angrier by the expression that painted your ex’s face. They were frowning deeply behind their drink and glaring at the two of you, obviously wired up about his hands that were wrapped around you. Han stared back with the same fire, knowing all too well what the other person wanted. But then he smiled to himself.

As you casually chatted with your friend, Han let his hand fall down to your waist. He did it at an angle that only showed it off to your ex, making them watch as his hand slipped under your shirt. The fabric bulged out as he grabbed a handful of your tits, kneading the flesh there as they held eye contact. Eye contact that was held as he leaned in, hiding his face from everybody else as he wrapped his lips around your clothed nipple. He made a show of even sticking his tongue out and licking your nipple over your shirt while his other hand continued to squeeze the other boob from, what seemed like, the inside of your bra

Han’s ego inflated to the size of the sun as he watched your ex’s jaw drop. Their eyes went up to your face and, besides the blush that covered it, there wasn’t a single reaction. You were so used to it that the obscene action didn’t even make you flinch. Which only pissed your ex off more. They huffed and shook their head, walking to the door and mumbling something along the lines of ‘Fuck this.’ While everybody’s attention turned to the first person to leave the function, you turned to your boyfriend and shook your head at him. “Really? All that about behaving too.”

“Not my fault their edgy ass didn't like it. I licked it so it’s mine.” You laughed and parted from your boyfriend, returning back to the pool table. After that, it didn’t take long for everybody to separate. The people who didn’t have the balls to be the first to leave shortly made their way out after your ex did. Your boyfriend was one of them as well and quickly made it obvious to you that he genuinely wanted to leave soon, so you both bid your farewells and made your way outside.

The second your food hit the concrete, Jisung dragged you to the nearest empty alleyway. One that, if the sun wasn’t already set, would have been very easy to look down and see the two of you. Alas, your boyfriend did not have a single care about that. If anything, the thought of somebody seeing you only egged him on.

Han shoves you into the brick wall, slamming his lips against yours and running his hands all over your body. They started at your thighs, where he squeezed the flesh of your thighs before sliding up to your hips and doing the same. Then his hands rested at your hips for a moment. He was too distracted pushing his tongue past your lips to continue on with his expedition. Once you both found a comfortable rhythm and your hands ran up his arms, he started moving again.

This time he slowly ghosted his hands up your stomach and stopped at your chest where he squeezed your boobs tightly. Then he pulls away from your lips, smirking at you and pecking your cheek before dipping his head down. You feel his lips against your neck and you moan quietly before rolling your neck to the side, giving him more space to work with. He doesn't linger there for long though. As much as your boyfriend loves marking you up, he only leaves a single one to your neck before he dips even lower.

He leaves a trail of kisses on his way to your boobs and, before you have the chance to react or push him away, his hands tug your shirt up to your neck. “Ji- Wait until we get home, baby. We shouldn’t do this he-” He cuts you off by nibbling your right nipple through your bra. His other hand slides under the bottom hem of your bra, grabbing a handful of your boob and rubbing that nipple between his middle knuckles. You moan loudly and tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging it in hopes that he would pull away but also stop and just take you to do this at home.

He moans against your clothed nipple and licks it seductively through the fabric, looking up at you with those brown boba eyes. Despite his lack of words, you already know what those pretty eyes want. You bite your lip and nervously look towards the entrance of the alley, watching as cars dart back and forth. But no people. “F-Fuck. Fine. But make it quick!” He smiles widely against you and nods.

His head pulls away from you for a moment, only to allow him to reach around and undo your bra. He doesn’t even bother taking it off of you, he just pushes it up with your shirt and dives back in. “Mine.” A loud moan leaves your lips as he suddenly bites the side of your tit, then he apologetically licks over his teeth marks. “Yours.” He smiles and grabs both of your boobs, fondling them as he alternates his attention to each nipple.

“God. I fucking love your tits, Jagi. And they’re all mine, right?” You nod and throw your head back as you moan, gripping his strands even tighter than before. He moans and bucks his hips into the air. “Answer me.” One of his hands moves down to your thighs and slides up under your skirt. It dips deeper, rubbing your clit through the fabric of your panties before wrapping around behind you and grabbing a handful of your ass cheek. “Jagiya… Say. It. A-gain.” He lands a sloppy slap to your ass with each word, smiling into your boob when your legs clench together.

“‘M yours, Ji! Please, babyy~” He wastes no time after that, pulling his pants and boxers down just enough for his dick to poke out. The hand that was on your ass pumps his dick a few times as his other pushes your leg up, holding it up and giving him space to fuck into you. His mouth finally releases your nipple in favor of poking his tongue out the corner of his mouth as he pushes in. Both of you moan at the feeling and lock eyes for a moment before he leans in and pushes his lips against yours.

He pulls away and leans down again, wrapping his lips around your neglected nipple. Then he tests the water with slow thrusts. Ones that speed up rather fast once he realizes how deep he can go in this position. The grip he has on your hips is bruising as he starts to slam his hips into yours.

“Mine. All fucking mine.”

Taglist:

@jiminssluttyminx @changisworld @juskz @linohumina @rylea08

@grandma143 @caught-in-the-afterglow @yaorzu-blog @jabmastersupriseee

[theamarischapter]

He’s Not My Boyfriend!

CHAPTER 07; truth uncovered

new here? chapter 1 - previous: chapter 6

pairing: beomgyu x f!reader

w/c: 1.9k

genre: strangers to frenemies to lovers, high school au, slow burn…ish (?), fake dating (for a day)

warnings: not proofread bc im lazy! lol

summary: after talking to kai, you learn a valuable piece of information and realize the truth. it's time to confront beomgyu...

fic below the cut! enjoy <3

“Soo…what’s up?” Kai asks, voice muffled through your phone speaker. You sigh, face illuminated by the glow of your phone, where you can see Kai leaning back in his desk chair. After staring at the ceiling in contemplation for about thirty minutes, you’d decided to facetime him. 

“Nothing much, I guess.” You reply, shrugging and looking off to the side at the posters on your wall. Despite how close you’ve been with Kai since childhood, you’ve never really indulged him in your romantic life. You’ve always had other friends for that. But, considering he’s Beomgyu’s best friend, you thought maybe he’d be able to give you more insight than Chaewon or Yunjin. “I don’t know.”

“Well, what did you need to talk about so urgently?” He jokes, raising an eyebrow at you. You scoff, rolling your eyes at him as you figure out what to say. 

“It’s…” you hesitate, the boy’s name feeling forbidden on your tongue. After everything—after such adamant refusal of ever liking him—you can’t believe the words you’re about to say. And to Kai of all people. You’ll never hear the end of it, but whatever. “It’s Beomgyu.”

“Beomgyu?” He repeats, suddenly all too eager to hear what you have to say. “What? You like him? What did I tell you—” 

“Shut up,” you huff, waving a hand in front of your screen to dismiss his words. “And yeah, I do! But that’s not the problem—”

“Then what is it?” He cuts you off, expression morphing into confusion. “Wait…problem?”

Huh, Kai could’ve sworn… 

“Okay, well, if you’d let me speak, then maybe I could tell you,” You reply sarcastically, letting out a long sigh. He nods, ushering you to continue. You take a moment, deciding where to start…how to phrase your words in a non-incriminating way. 

“Well, I like him. But I think he thinks I’m into Yeonjun? I’m not. But then also I guess he and Yeji are still a thing. But then I don’t understand why he agreed to fake date and then get weird about it—” You ramble, voice dying as you notice Kai frowning, sitting up straight. 

“Hold on, hold on. Go back a bit. Since when were he and Yeji still a thing?” He asks, leaning closer to the camera, a furrow in his brow. You blink, not quite understanding his question—wouldn’t Beomgyu’s literal best friend know who he’s talking to…? 

“What do you mean? Aren’t they still talking?” You ask slowly, your heart doing a nervous little flutter.

“What? No. They stopped talking ages ago—Yeji said they’d be better as friends,” he explains, shaking his head in disbelief. The gears turn in your head, his words taking a moment to process, each syllable echoing in the sudden silence of your room. “Who told you that?”

“Uh…he did?” You reply slowly. Kai stares at you through the phone, eyes narrowing. He doesn’t understand his friend sometimes. Beomgyu said— 

“Choi Beomgyu told you that he’s still talking to Yeji?” He clarifies, sounding so baffled that it makes you question your own memory. 

“Yeah…? I mean, not exactly, I guess. But it was implied, I think.” You shrug, brows pulled together as you attempt to comprehend what’s happening. 

“What did he say? Exact words.” Kai asks, tone suddenly serious.

“Well, he was like ‘You have Yeonjun, and I have Yeji,’ so…” your voice trails off. Maybe you misinterpreted his words? Kai says nothing, as if expecting more. “Oh, and he said he was avoiding me because he didn’t wanna give her the wrong idea. Which honestly doesn’t even make sense—”

Kai cuts you off, calling your name in a tone that quiets you immediately. For a moment, you think something is wrong…until he laughs. Kai, of course, knows everything that happened on April Fool’s Day. He knows about the almost-kiss and the run-in with Yeonjun, and he’d actually advised Beomgyu to try and get over it. But Beomgyu said he liked you a lot—he needed time to think. He didn’t understand why there’d be a problem if you like him, and he likes you, but he understands now. “You guys are both stupid.” 

“What? Hey, not true!” you defend. “What’s so funny?”

“He and Yeji aren’t anything, but he told you they are because…” He motions for you to complete his sentence. 

“Because what?” You deadpan, and Kai honestly can’t believe that you’re not joking. Has his cousin always been this stupid? Aren’t you a straight-A student?

“Seriously!? C’mon, just think. Why else would he lie about that?” He replies, attempting to guide you toward the truth. Still, you stare at him with a dumb, confused expression, painting your features.

“Uh…to make me jealous? But why…?” You raise an eyebrow, not understanding what he’s trying to get at.

“Didn’t you say that you think he thinks you’re into Yeonjun?” He huffs, sighing and slouching in his seat. Right, you did mention that.

“Oh…” The pieces finally click together in your head. April Fool’s Day, when he tried to kiss you and you evaded him. Did he really want to kiss you? And then you’d run into Yeonjun, and he was being distant. He thinks you like Yeonjun, so obviously he tried to come off as nonchalant by mentioning Yeji. And the dating prank in general, did he— “Oh. Oh shit.” 

“You get it now?” His head tilts, a knowing look in his eyes. 

“Yeah. Yeah, uh, I have to go—” You hang up the call before he can say anything back, pushing yourself onto your feet. There’s actually no way you’ve been so stupid this entire time. 

— °˖✧✿✧˖° —

Beomgyu’s at home, bed-rotting like he always does. Though recently, he’s felt more down about everything going on in his life—mainly, you. And, now, he’s staring at your message asking to hang out after school tomorrow. He agrees, as much as he kind of doesn’t want to. He remembers a conversation with Kai the other day, the boy’s words echoing in his head. 

“Well, if you’re not going to do anything, it’s better to move on.” 

How could he ever move on like this? Seeing your pretty face every day, hearing your cute laugh, looking into your mesmerizing eyes…someone, please save him. He’s whipped. He could make a move, but last time he tried it didn’t go so well. Then again, that was April Fool’s Day, so maybe things were different. Nonetheless, he mentally prepares himself to see you. He’s forgotten how to be normal, honestly—it’s been forever since you’ve hung out alone. Shit. He has to be alone with you? How will he ever survive…

…

He’s not surviving at all, actually. You look prettier than normal, with light makeup enhancing your features. Gosh, he feels dizzy. His shoulders are stiff, heart pounding as he sits beside you in the park, holding an unopened soda. His arm lightly brushes yours, and he pulls it away quicker than normal. He jumps when your voice finally breaks the silence. 

“I have a question,” you say bluntly, staring right into his eyes. He nods slowly, finding his voice. 

“Okay…what is it?” His voice trembles. He sounds so stupid. Be normal, Beomgyu! Your head tilts to the side, and he hates his heart for fluttering at the sight. He forces himself to look away, admiring the bright grass instead of your face. 

“Are you still talking to Yeji?” You ask, analyzing his expression. His eyes widen a little, lips parting, then closing. Fuck, what should he say? He musters a small smile, laughing awkwardly. 

“Uh. I…guess. Why?” He mumbles, taking a deep breath in an attempt to steady the rapid beating of his heart. You hum in thought, shrugging and slouching a little.

“Well, I dunno. I asked Kai yesterday. He said you stopped talking ages ago,” you reply. Okay, maybe you’re being a little mean to him…but he did this to himself! You hold back a laugh when he freezes, face falling. He chokes on air, ears turning a bright shade of pink as he scrambles for an excuse. “Why lie?” 

He’s an idiot, that’s why. Ugh, he wishes he could punch Kai right now!

“Uh, well, it’s—you know. I thought—like, I mean, we aren’t talking. I, um, I don’t—” He’s stumbling through his words, embarrassed as ever. Great, you totally think he’s a loser.

“Gyu,” you call his name softly, getting him to look at you. You think he’s pretty when he’s flustered like this. He panics, heart dropping. You must be mad, right? 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said—” he starts, but you cut him off, deciding you’ve teased him enough. 

“I like you,” you admit, smiling. He blinks, unsure if he heard you correctly. Uh, what? He must be dreaming. His heart flutters, all the thoughts in his brain coming to a halt. 

“What?” He asks, sitting up straight. 

“I like you, Beomgyu,” you repeat. What the actual fuck!? His ears burn, and so do his cheeks. Butterflies swarm his stomach, his body frozen as his brain processes the information. He’s unsure whether he should scream or laugh, or maybe jump up and down. He’s so happy!

“Really?” He asks, eyes glimmering in the sun. He’s like an excited puppy, a wide smile pulling at his lips when you nod. He laughs, looking away—oh yeah, he should probably say it back. “I like you too. I mean, I have for a while.” 

“How about a date, then?” You ask, smiling at him. His heart is doing flips as he nods eagerly. 

“Okay. Okay, yeah,” he replies, warmth spreading through his chest. It’s the happiest he’s felt in a long time. There’s so much he’s been wanting to do and say. His heart stutters when his gaze connects with yours again, eyes finding your lips. You move a little closer, palm lifting up to his cheek. 

“Can I?” You ask softly, close enough to feel his breath against your face. He nods, eyes fluttering shut. 

“Yes, please,” he mumbles. Your lips press against his slowly, tentatively. He melts into the kiss, hands carefully holding you still. You pull away, smiling. His face is red, heart pounding impossibly fast. This is all he’s ever wanted, he thinks. You’re all he could’ve hoped for. 

And he’s all you could’ve wanted. 

— °˖✧ epilogue ✧˖° —

The first date is fun and exciting, albeit a little awkward. Then again, aren’t most? Beomgyu’s sweet and caring, and he makes sure that you don’t have to spend a single penny. You go to the arcade, then get some food after.

When he asks to be your boyfriend, the gesture is grand and carefully planned. A picnic with flowers and all of your favorite snacks. Of course, you give a very happy, excited yes, hugging him. He stands there, flustered and smiling ear to ear. 

Your friends tease relentlessly—their ship finally came to life, even after you’d both denied it before. So what if they were right? That had nothing to do with you two liking each other…you would’ve been together regardless! Probably. Things were meant to be, perhaps. 

He’s the sweetest, most loving boyfriend. He’d give you the world, the moon, and the stars—and you’d do the same. You hate being cringey, but truthfully, you believe he’s your soulmate. He was the man put onto earth for you, and you were for him. He completes your heart. 

You belong together. 

taglist: @whatblop, @innies-goth-gf, @woncheecks, @ewsnup, @etherealid7, @beomgyusluver <3

a/n: yippie! finally finished this story (after literal ages omg...) i realllyyyyy hope you guys enjoyed this final chapter! these idiots needed some intervention smh my head #oblivious. anywho! likes, comments, and reblogs greatly appreciated! stay tuned for my next story (≧∇≦)ﾉ <3

— °˖✧✿✧˖° —

[heuldoch7b]

while i was gone, i was deeply contemplative about part of what made me take a hiatus in the first place, which is shame. long post forewarning

growing up on the internet (i was 10 when i started using the internet, back in 2010-11) and something i was (and frankly, still am) constantly exposed to was shaming others. ranging from "light hearted" shaming; this ranged from poking fun at an amateur artists work for it looking funny or it being super "tumblry" to shaming with the guise of social justice, you know "hey this artist draws X and thats BAD and if you support them youre JUST AS BAD".

when i was younger i poked fun at other artists and engaged in cancel culture, on a very small scale (just my friends and i) and i regret it. it was entirely due to my own low self esteem and peojecting fear of being made fun of myself. but ive retained that fear, even as i've matured and grown to understand how unkind it is to shame and mock others, ESPECIALLY as myself a weird, autistic artist who draws "cringe but free" stuff

and even with regards to problematic content, stuff that, reasonably more often than not, ellicits a "yuck" reaction out of most viewers, has turned more into a genuine social risk of getting a callout over being immoral or gross and losing your social circles and delving into isolation. this happened to me. i think it genuinely messed me up, and im dealing with it even now.

it has lead me to be avoidant of being honest about what i like, and being afraid of befriending others due to fear of being dropped again. this is of course not fair to you, potential reader, but unfair to myself as well. i want to develop a healthier respect for my friends as well as myself about what i do and dont like, and not feeling guilty for saying no or not liking something.

i think, as i remake my old pinned post, i am going to be more explicit on stuff, i like shipping the primarchs! i love it very much even. and if you do not thats absolutely A-OK. i like drawing the dismal warcriminals as genderweird. i like maybe skirting away from how chronically cynical and dour the universe (which i do still enjoy, im into warhammer FOR warhammer) and making silly, comfy stuff. fuck i LOVE drawing weird heroic nudity mythological scenes where some characters are like, centaurs, cause its sick as fuck.

and with all that i myself need to be okay with maybe people who i enjoy their work of dont really jive with all that, and that isnt the end of the world, its just being honest with oneself, and thats really important to do. i will be trying to maybe tag sensitive stuff like primarchcest better, so people can filter it out, but i am not gonna be hypervigilant about tagging everything because that would make me neurotic and id rather just be unfollowed or blocked at that point.

anywho, i really just wanted to put my thoughts down into words and share them, i honestly wrote this out and deleted it like 3 times already due to, hilariously, shame. but this is a really important topic to me and extremely relevant to my social presence on this website. i care for you all immensely, even if we are all strangers online.

i will be sad if i lose potential friendships over the things i like, but theres literally thousands of people if not more on this website, and it so fine and healthy to go like "eh no i dont want that in my life" to something like someones specific fuckin fandom art LOL

if any of you want to talk to me about your experiences with shame, id welcome it, may it be through a reblog or messaging me personally. i think its really important for all of us to be unashamed, mindful of course, but not stifling ourselves. be free have fun type stuff. i hope i can drop my own shackles too. thanks for reading

[velvetvexations]

somewhat related to convo on forced pregnancy but my ... mother met myself and my partner recently for the first time (for partner) in 5 years (for me... going no contact is rlly hard LMFAO) and like ider how it came up but i said smth like "well that's not something we'll ever have to worry about" in regards to having kids bc. ive never wanted to have children and my partner doesn't have the right equipment to impregnate me, or vice versa. and even if he DID get that "equipment" i dont think its possible (yet) to be virile with bottom surgery. that was the joke i was making lol bc i thought she knew he's also trans? poor assumption on my part lol

anyways she went on to say "aw never say that" and kept misgendering me (ive been out to my family for like nearly a decade now) and it's like. i dont know if it's apparent to the TRFs saying this shit abt forced pregnancy that our ability to concieve is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to our families, to our families' families, to our partners (trans or cis man or woman nb or not it doesnt matter), that our having a functioning womb is an assumption and a resource for the rest of society. our eventual pregnancies are a constant, constant point of conflict, are a constant enforcement of our "duties" as ppl afab and raised as such.

like. this comes up ALL THE FUCKING TIME. i cannot say im not interested in having children without someone contradicting me, both ppl who know me and should know better and complete fucking strangers. and in my case with my mother it is explicitly tied to how she does not see or recognize my transsexuality and my Not being a woman. even though she's tried really hard to respect me, she does not conprehend me as anything other than her daughter who will give her grandchildren.

Yeah but if you try talking about that they will take it to mean you think that's objectively worse than anything trans women go through and you're trying to claim AFAB oppression as the dominant oppression over all others. Which is fucking stupid and something they just invented in their heads.

[milklovesbyler]

HOW AND WHY AND WHEN DID THE BYLER REALISATION HIT ME - RANT

okay this is long so skip to S4 section for the more interesting stuff/when i found out about byler!

hii okay my first post on this blog! im still pretty new to tumblr but learned that u can have multiple blogs and my mind is blown. i also have an art blog i post on once a millenia @milkymetari !

Ive been a stranger things fan since 2019 when i was 13!

So i started watching stranger things in 2019 after season 3 had came out and the series peaked my interest, ive always been a fan of scifi stuff and oh boy stranger things is so cool and (mostly) well written!

When i say i LOVED mileven im not kidding, I WAS OBSESSED. On the outside theyre a picture perfect cute teenage couple, and my idealisation of that (and cmon guys eleven is like the coolest character ever) and els badassness and powers, i loved mileven.

I mean as a concept their relationship is really cute if we read it as that but yeah i do NOT ship them anymore like that 😭

Yeah i remember myself sometimes wondering about the weird things in their relationship (the way they dont share almost any interests, only kiss and mikes weird actions) but i think due to heteronormativity (toxic ships are wayy too normalized also in lgbt media) and how poorly usually female characters (but in this case mike lmao) and their relationships are written in media so i guess i had just grown to try not to care, and yeah i was just 13.

So honestly i didnt see/know byler back then AT ALL! I grew up as a semi homophobic kid because thats what i was taught, but around the time i started watching ST i grew as a person a lot and i realised maybe my ass isnt as straight as i thought ☠️ Honestly wish i did know about byler since i think seeing mikes struggles (and wills) wouldve helped me a lot! 💔

I didnt think too deeply about any media i consumed at that age, and i was already used to just not care about bad writing so i thought flaws in mileven were normal writing mistakes etc. Or how the byler fight was clearly more intense than the mileven break up 😭😭

But again i did not catch onto it.

ST 4 in 2022!!

So the year is 2022 and i excitesly watch season 4 part 1. I usually try to avoid spoilers etc on the internet so i kept myself away from st tiktok and other platforms. After i finished it i saw like a shit ton of edits of all the characters and speculation about the last 2 eps.. THEN somewhere around that time it happened, i stumbled upon byler.

okay first, i need to talk about mileven a bit, the first few episodes it was sweet, but it was obvious el was lying and unhappy, i was hoping that mike would grow and learn to be a better boyfriend and theyd end up back together.

so about byler, first i thought it was like any other ship as usual and i wasnt as blind to homoerotic chemistry anymore so it wasnt anything new or surpricing.

well, what was surpricing was HOW FUCKING BLIND I HAD BEEN TO HOW MIKE AND WILL ACTED

i mean i was confused while watching part 1 for the first time but closeness between the two was nothing unusual, and mike lashing out on will had already happened in s3 too, but yeah i was so flabbergasted and embarrased how i hadnt noticed 😭 like girl, the lip staring, yearning gazes and awkward conversations

down the rabbit hole i went and hehe😈 i got my bestie into it too and she was like omg ur so right we both agree they are endgame bbecause like theres so much evidence its not a coincidence.

ill probably make a separate post on some of the genious thoughts we had about mileven and byler in 2022 lol

i hope someone read this all, thank you <3

[lolitakirstein]

a/n: ooof this turned into a damn text thread i'm sorry.and mostly eren POV, shitty editing this is going to have to be in multiple parts. I'll get part 2 up ASAP. :)

Eren reached for his phone, brows furrowing. It was odd for him to ever hear an alert from it, let alone a text notification. He had made it that way. Cutting off communication to most, keeping conversations to a bare minimum with those who were close...well...more at arm's length...maybe further than that.

If I keep people out, they can't hurt me. they won't know I'm such a fucked up person.

He flipped his phone over, reading the text.

You: hey eren :)

His heartbeat kicked up seeing your name on his phone. You seemed to be the only person who would reach out without being talked to first. Of all the people in his "friends" group, it was you who seemed the less likely to judge...if he ever got that vulnerable with you. Which he doubted he would, you deserved better than someone as fucked up at him. But when you looked at him, he sometimes felt that you saw past his flaws.

His fingers hovered over the screen unsure what to write, finally settling for a simple "Hey."

You: How are you? I haven't seen you in a while.

It was true, you hadn't seen each other in weeks. The last time being a get together for the end of summer.

Eren: I'm fine..just minding my own business as usual."

You: well you can mind your business and still not be a stranger :)

the lighterheardness of your message made him actually smile. The thought that you are wanting him to be closer though...that makes him nervous. He doesn't want you to look at him differently if he got any closer.

Eren: I wouldn't mind that

You: Well lets plan a hang out or something :)

Eren paced his living room. Were you being flirty? or just friendly? or maybe even pitying him? How was he supposed to go about this...play along? he wanted to. Fuck he wanted to get closer to you. But that voice in his head told him it would end in disaster.

"Fuck it," he said aloud to the room

Eren: Maybe we could go for ice cream, yeah?

You: that sounds fun!

Eren waited to respond, not wanting to seem to eager, but he had come this far he might as well go for it...

Eren: would you like to later today?

the minute he sent it, he regretted it. Too soon, too desperate, too overbearing.

You: I can't today. Me jean and connie are going downtown to the bar. I've already backed out twice ugh

His heart dropped at that fucking name

JEAN

He knew you and jean were friends, closer than you and him were, but it still boiled his blood that you were going out with him...even just as friends. He knew how jean got when he was drunk. Hell he knew how jean acted sober especially around you. Hanging around, shameless flirting, playfully tugging your hair as he'd pass behind you.

Eren:Why the fuck are you going with horseface. Hes a creep, he just wants to use you I hate how he touches you Alright, have fun.

He breathed deeply. Calming himself before he could get any angrier at the situation. Yes, he knew it was wrong to get mad at you for going out. But why did it have to be with Jean. He hoped Connie would keep an eye on you and him at least.

*4 hours later*

Eren was lying on his couch, the tv going, but honestly his thoughts were constantly on you being out there at some cheap bar with Jean. No doubt his fucking horse hooves all over you. What were you doing? what was he doing? what were you wearing?

Is she thinking of me?

His resolve to not text you the rest of the night crumbled at last. Reaching for his phone he thumbed to your name and typed

Eren: Hope you are having a fun night.

After what seemed like an eternity but was really only 10 minutes, he saw you begin to reply. His heart kicked up.

you: Heyyyy. I'm a bit buzzed but im havn fun. connie and jean are doing karaoke save me lol

He smirked at your jumbled reply and the thought of jackass jean doing karaoke thinking he's hot shit.

Eren: i'm sure that's a sight. What those dipshits singing...or attempting to sing

you: connies in his missy elliot era rn. Jean just serenaded me with some taylor swift.

Eren clenched his jaw. He knew you were a secret swiftie as much as you tried to act like you werent, he'd catch you humming it. Now it seems Jean is also aware of your little secret.

Playing cool he replies, "Never took that asshole to be a swiftie."

you: me neither, it's definitely the booze

Eren: How much more drinking do you guys plan on doing?

You: I'm tapping out after this one

An attached photo came along with your text. It was dimly lit but he could make out the shape of a dozen or so shot glasses empty on the table and your hand holding your last one up for the camera. And there, blurry but still visible, right in the corner was Jean...his hand on your leg.

DAMN HIM

He feels every emotion rush through him: anger, jealousy, possessiveness, sadness. He heartbeat pounded in his ear.

Eren: What's with Jean being all handsy?

He hoped that sounded subtle and not like a psychopath...with yes he was probably acting like one. Even going so far as to zoom in on the photo to see how far up your leg jeans hands were.

you: Probably to keep from falling over.

You were playing it off like it was no big deal?!

Eren: That doesn't look like the ideal place to put his hand to keep from falling over."

you: Lol. you know how he is when he is drunk...all...lovey

At this point, red is all Eren sees. He doesn't care if he comes off like an asshole or possessive anymore. How could you be so oblivious and naive that Jean was doing this intentionally.

Eren: Doesn't that piss you off that he gets all handsy like that? He shouldn't be allowed to touch you, even if he's drunk.

No going back now. Whatever progress eren had thought he had made with you would certainly be gone after this show of anger. His true self. Fuck it he didn't care. This is why he stayed to himself. In one evening, you had stabbed him in the heart...

Part 2 sneaky peak:

"You know i can't be like him right?" "I don't want you to be like him...I want you to be like you."

thanks for reading :)

[okkos-ferrum]

gray and sharing screentime with himself

in my current brainrot over a singular character, i decided to compile all the distinctions between gray and graham

looking at a very rough approximation of the screen time gray has throughout the show, the weird thing is that he is himself at the beginning and at the end.

graham takes many actions during s1 and s2 that differ from the gray we meet in the train in s1

Name: from found cut content from the original pilot of cs before netflix, it is carmen who suggests gray as graham's nickname. gray takes it without much care. graham, on the other hand, insists on his full name. seen in s2 ep7, both when carmen meets him up at the cafe and after FALLING FROM A PARAGLIDER. when asked his name during s4 ep3, his va emphasizes graham -- though i could be reading into things. guess brainwashing came along with a hatred with nicknames lol (probably to prevent carmen ever triggering gray's memories)

Life goal: we get gray's interview tape that showed his interest in vile, revealing not only was he a criminal before vile but he primarily "[wants] to be successful". (In cut content, during the detention scene where they all discuss code names, gray refuses sheena's suggestion of power failure because he didn't want to be thought of as a failure). gray joined vile because he didn't want to play within the system, believing he's deserving of success more than others due to his own skills so he's better off cheating the system. in contrast, graham in s1 ep6 declines being carmen's guide due to having to go to work early to fix something. He even declines carmen's payment for his work during s2 ep7, only stopped cuz carmen is good at dramatically disappearing. he is so diligent that within eight months, he was able to work up to be a lighting tech from just starting out as an electrician. meanwhile, he gave up being a junior electrican at the Sydney opera house as a teen due to disatisfaction (idk anything abt australia but isnt being a junior electrcian at the sydney opera house a big deal??)

Morality: most blatantly in his line "but we are the good guys" in s2 ep7 (i think he repeats this again during his interrogation with acme in s4), graham has a sense of morality that gray obviously would lack since he joined vile willingly. gray has no issues with stealing and has had a clear arrogance in his abilities ever since he was a teen. killing doesn't seem to be off the table for him, but he only does so if that compromises his mission. (for example, he gives chase a chance to leave during s4 ep 7, so he def isn't taking any excuse to take a life). graham's main act of "goodness" is risking his own life to save a kid in s4 ep3. while im sure gray is heartless enough to watch a kid die, i dont think he would be as ready to risk himself for a stranger. he likely would be more apathetic and would do so if it has some benefit to him or look the other way -- right after saving the kid, "crackle" steals the nameless kid's wallet with a smile. from his confrontation with carmen in the himalyas, he responds to carmen using his old words as him being an "innocent fool", dimissing whatever he believed then as not his own

crackle is another semi identity we get from gray during the fugue state he enters following regaining his memories from acme. it seems to be just due to how drastic the memories are for graham's mind to handle, the split is very direct, with "crackle" - all of gray's training and criminal instincts - being pretty non verbal (he does i think talk on the phone with vile once) and expresionless (he does have an evil little smile after stealing nameless kid's wallet but thats abt it). it honestly is dropped fast once gray is arrested (had to bolt the moment it faced consequences or whatever lol) but it def was entertaining to watch

overall it is just so odd how gray himself is barely in show and if u were to cut out the graham stuff, gray's arc of reconciling his relationship with carmen is largely unchanged. goes to show how wasted the cool amnesia plot stuff was (tho i like brainwashing angst, but i dont blame anyone for not enjoying it. it takes away a lot of the autonomy gray could've had in actually making his morally gray decisions). it honestly feels like they pumped the break of the brainwashing angst we were getting from gray and give it to carmen for the final arc tbh

[cadaverre]

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☾ welcome ☽₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

about me

you can call me juno or astraea

im a cancer sun, libra moon and sagittarius rising

my pronouns are they/she (and my pronoun page is here)

i'm a proud bisexual (i am very sapphic lol)

im taken (you can hear about my love via the “them tag <33")

i am a minor (i won't immediately block people 18+ but if you're creepy i will <3)

australian!! also a bunch of different places, none really interesting

this blog is for me to dump thoughts, interact with people and just have a good time :)

i play the drums and im currently in two bands! i also love playing guitar and one of my 2024 goals is to get better at playing!!

currently listening -> 🍁☕️🎸 nyc

currently reading -> the odyssey translated by emily wilson

currently watching -> doctor who and rewatching gilmore girls

things i like

i love: literature, the arts, queer culture, astronomy, feminism (no terfs allowed!!!!), fruit flavoured drinks, flared pants, converse, dark red, nail polish, eyeliner, burgundy lipgloss, tank tops, tote bags, brie (always dreaming of cheese), pinterest, spotify, my headphones, the ocean, my grandparents house (im there rn i love it), spring+winter, very specific shades of pink and green, black <3, folklore and 1989 girl, fiddling around on the guitar, fantasising about being a famous musician, finding new music, snow, picking silly little outfits,

books: osemanverse, the hunger games, books by rhiannon wilde, tim te maro's subterranean heartsick blues, all the best liars, books by octavia butler (specifically parable of the sower and parable of the talents), the last true poets of the sea, acotar, the weight of the stars, the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, the picture of dorian grey, house of hollow, howls moving castle, harry potter (mainly marauders, FUCK JKR), i kissed shara wheeler, red white and royal blue, song of achilles

movies + tv shows: dont look up, little women (2019), scream (i like most of them but 1996 is my fav by far), ladybird, barbie (2023), some of the mcu (thor and guardians of the galaxy <33), spiderverse (itsv is my love), gilmore girls, stranger things, loki, heartstopper, arcane, scott pilgrim takes off, she ra

musicians/bands: boygenius, taylor swift, lovejoy, glaive, brakence, paramore, ricky jamaraz, melanie martinez, lana del rey, ashnikko, girl in red, billie eilish, doja cat, big thief, adrienne lenker, ethel cain, mitski, remi wolf, cigarettes after sex, ericdoa, tv girl, clairo, the neighbourhood, bon iver, deftones (getting into them just a little), maneskin, courtney barnett, poppy

my favourite colours are black, dark red, burgundy, denim blue, sage green, soft pink, glaucous blue, golden yellow (i love colour theory so all colours are beautiful in their own context but here are my favs to wear/see)

i really want to get into more poetry so if you have any recs lmk!!

i have recently begun practising some very simple witchcraft, so feel free to talk to me about that and i would love to learn more!!

i love learning about astrology and use my birth chart frequently

i write very, very infrequently and think of more stories than i even start to plot lmao.

i draw way more than i write and will occasionally post some!! its not good by any means but its fun ig

talk to me + dni

my asks and dms are open!! feel free to talk to me about anything and everything!! i love talking!!

i love my mutuals so much so if ur my mutual *looks you dead in your eyes* i love you

my discord is the same @ as here, i literally just got it today so idrk how it works but feel free to add me there <33 but please lmk if you do if your username is different

if we’re very close you can ask for my insta!!

i rarely follow people without an intro post/descriptive enough bio (with name, age group, pronouns) so if you want to be mutuals please have one!! if not just shoot me an ask about who you are and what you like so we can be friends <33

dni: rude, racist, homophobic, transphobic, zionist, terfs, sexist, ableist, antisemitic people

tags

#juno.txt -> ramblings, original posts

#asks -> asks ive answered

#ask bait -> hehehe send me asks <3

#tag games -> tag games ive participated in

#beautiful mutuals -> interactions with my beautiful mutuals!

#spotify -> my music obsession dw im fine fhdklfhdal

#them tag <33 -> posts that remind me of my wonderful bf <3

links + sideblogs

spotify

pinterest

@likeasugarcubeinateacup -> my notes app poetry

@slowrotburiedinthepark -> a random sideblog i post art and occasional web weaving on

@stabbingstarsthroughmyback -> my writing sideblog (ask me about my wip!!)

stunning dividers by @chachachannah :))

here is a totally beautiful and amazing moodboard by @svnflowermoon that always makes me so fhadkfhakd

last updated: jan 19th 2024

[unclefathersantateddy]

what are your thoughts on teddy's relationship with his family and how they were abusive? what about his younger sister?? and his relationship with his ex wife where he was also abused by her 🤔 how do you think these affected his personality and relationships. sorry this is an English essay ass prompt but im genuinely curious lmao i love analyzing family history (obvs)

Light coming in with the big gun from the get-go!!! Hahaha thank you for a great question!!!

So from what we know about Teddy's mom, she's a bit of a Wild Card™. Likes to do what she wants, when she wants, isn't exactly your traditional grandma.

But given the majority of people become docile with age (rather than more adventurous), it stands to reason /why/ she waited until retirement to do all the things she enjoyed? Could that be why her and Teddy's dad always used to argue?

Teddy's age places his parents as either dating or hooking up around the 70s/80s. Assuming they've never left the US, this wasn't exactly a pinnacle time for women's rights.

So we have an oppressive timestamp, a turbulent relationship, and then an extinction burst (Teddy's mom doing ALL her interests in retirement) post-breakup.

These factors together connote that teddy's father may have been restrictive/disapproving of teddy's mother's interests, hobbies, passions - or may be indicative of teddy's father's disdain/nonchalance towards his wife in general. (I'm assuming they were married because 'merica). Which would be an apt representation of Boomer relationships, the whole "can't live with them, can't live without them" (totally healthy /s).

But on the flipside to a potentially controlling father, his mom IS a wild card lol. If she's still up to mad shit in retirement, WHAT was she into in her prime?? Was she Fully Unhinged™? Given her, "muchness" (for lack of better words), it stands to reason it may transfer as "feisty" or "fiery" during arguments with teddy's dad, so whilst his dad may have been authoritarian, his mom may have been inflammatory and antagonistic.

As for his sister GIVE HER SOME GD SCREEN TIME!!!!!!! WHO ARE DANA AND DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna see if she's exactly like Teddy or if she's his antithesis, are they both so interested in learning about the lives of every stranger they meet? That's beautiful bro. I hope so. I both want her to be an almost identical twin to teddy, and to look exactly like her bf Dan (like the Van Houtens in the Simpsons). I think I want Dana to have the spunkiness that teddy lacks. I love the "anxious older sibling, feral younger sibling" dynamics, like what Tina and Louise have. I want an episode where Teddy's in therapy talking to Dr Marjorie about his childhood whilst Dana's out back wrestling a bar fly for his teeth or smn. Same trauma but dealt with in VERY different ways. I need it!!!!!!!!! I deserve this!!!!!!!!! LOL.

Moving onto Denise, FUCK Denise. Fuck any single individual that makes you feel like you have to change your core sense of self in order to feel accepted and/or loved. You KNOW she's that slimy level of manipulative that easily gets her own way in every situation. The type that rarely gets called up but if you call them up everyone else around will take their side. The GOOD manipulators. Real piece of shit types. The type to push you so far into a corner you come out crazy. So crazy noone believes you and they all side with the charismatic one. (These people boil my soul into an angry black jus, I become one of the 4 biles). IIRC we don't even get a full line from her, I'm pretty sure she only says "teddy?" (But please correct me if that's false), but that's still enough to solidify her as a shithouse in my mind. Questioning his name like don't pretend you don't know or recognise him you shitcunt, he gave you so much of his life. Eat a dick.

As negative as all these experiences are, I do think they shaped teddy for the better! I mean, he is a lil anxious and awkward and doesn't have the best self-esteem/confidence. BUT, he's incredibly emotionally intelligent for an old white guy. He's SO full of love, for EVERYONE. Every single person he comes across or meets (as exampled by S12E4 Driving Big Dummy), he fundamentally enjoys experiencing. They're not just people to chat to, they are experiences to be had. They are characters you've never heard of to stories you've never read. His approach to people is polar opposite to how most of us perceive other people, most of us are like Bob, he doesn't /hate/ people, but he doesn't /like/ them either. Teddy DOES like other people, he REALLY likes other people, he put the work into his trauma so it didn't taint the rest of him. I'm not gonna speak on behalf of everyone with PTSD but I know for a lot of us we fester on our trauma and victimise ourselves, often resulting in self- alienation and isolation, teddy shows no sign of that. S8E5 Thanks-Hoarding picks up on teddy being a handyman so he can "fix" his parents relationship (simplifying), but it doesn't address the fact he is CONSTANTLY putting himself out there. Handymen are a word-of-mouth trade, to be a successful handyman you HAVE to put yourself out there. To meet new people is to be vulnerable, and to be vulnerable with PTSD is like a rabbit exposing its belly to an owl yknow? Throughout the entire show we see teddy consistently putting the work in. Into every part of his life, he's making the effort to improve his life. I know healthcare in the US is a privilege that only the capitalists can afford, but it is so refreshing to see an American go to therapy instead of just complaining about how much they need therapy lol (no judgment, again I appreciate it's a nigh impossible situation to escape).

Thank you for the incredibly stimulating question, light!! (Sorry if I didn't answer all the questions fully! Will edit or update later!🤍)

[doberbutts]

Hi - asking in good faith here, but I am also relatively new to active anti-racism (im white, grew up in all white areas, and didn't encounter anti racist perspectives until college). In the last few years I've done a LOT of reading about anti-black racism, black feminist theory, womanism, etc, and I'm beginning to understand why the bastardization and appropriation of aave is so harmful. I don't want to put my friends of color on the spot about this or make them feel pressured to answer a certain way, though, and I DO want an answer that's grounded in theory and thoughtfulness about these things (two traits my circle of 18-20 year olds sometimes lacks, understandably). I know that that might put a lot of pressure on you as well but please know that while I do respect your opinion, I know you're just one Black person with one opinion - and of course if an irl Black friend ever came to me and told me to stop I would.

My question is, if I am making sure to attribute it correctly as AAVE, being careful to make sure I'm using it appropriately, and of course listening in case I hear I've misused it - is it still harmful for me as a white person to use aave? Is it possible to use aave non-harmfully as a white person, among Black friends? Or would it be better for me to do my best to remove those words and phrases and grammatical structures from the way I speak entirely?

A lot of these things, I pick up FROM my friends, and they haven't, idk, made faces or suggested I should stop or anything like that. But of course it's hard to sort out what I pick up from my friends, what I pick up from Black literature (im a terrible parrot from my books unfortunately 😬), and what comes from the intern*t lol. So there's obviously the potential to misuse or disrespect aave, especially if I ever stop being thoughtful about what I say and where I first hear it. And while I have tried to read up on the appropriation of AAVE and develop my own opinion, this really does seem like one of those things where as a white person my opinion is always going to be a little out of touch - and I REALLY don't want to hurt and alienate my friends and accidentally advance racism in my community because I felt qualified to comment on this.

I don't know. I grew up in a very white enclave in a very white area of a very white state, and I AM trying to catch up and think critically about what I do say and think, but honestly, I am very new to these things. So if this is a dumb question or I am inadvertently ignorant/inappropriate, I'm really sorry about that and please know that I AM trying to do better. (And I will never say no to specific resource recommendations. I've read everything you usually read in an intro to Africana studies course lol but there is so much out there!!)

Thanks, either way. I appreciate you taking the time to read this extremely long winded ask lol. And I appreciate the way you blog about these things and how you make it clear where and from what you develop your opinions - that's super helpful!!!

-bee

Well as you said I am one person and I do not know you or talk to you really so I can't really say yes or no on your specific case. But also I would challenge you to ask yourself why you felt you needed the permission of a black stranger rather than actually sit down and talk to your friends about it.

I have said in other posts that it is less about needing to be black to speak AAVE and more about respect. I am all for cultural sharing and appreciation and I do not think that culture requires specifically only blood ties. I'm a mixed race person, after all, and one who has a quite large mixed race extended and found family. I think that blood is not the only thing that defines us.

But I also think that one must go into these sorts of conversations with respect. My white (passing) mother can understand my black family speaking AAVE, despite the fact that there was a single black kid in her neighborhood and school system when she grew up. This is because she treated my dad and his family with respect, and so they are comfortable speaking this way in front of her, and she is comfortable asking for clarification if she needs it, which is quite rare nowadays considering she's been married to my dad for 35 years and in a relationship with him for 42 and has thus had a lot of practice.

But she also doesn't use AAVE herself. To her, it would be disrespectful. She did not grow up in it. It is not her culture. It is shared with her due to proximity to said culture with her husband and father of her children. But for her, she chooses to continue to use the Pennsylvania Dutch-influenced dialect she grew up in, which is a very white Appalachian specific-to-Pennsylvania dialect and culture. I myself switch back and forth between the two, depending on who I'm talking to. Sometimes in the same conversation, if I'm talking to my mom vs my dad in the same room.

I don't think any of my black family would be offended if she did use AAVE, though again with her personality and the way she has approached this over the last several decades I think they'd be surprised if she suddenly did it like tomorrow or something. But she herself does not think it would be respectful of the culture, the dialect, or of her husband and inlaws for it to come out of her mouth. And I am sort of inclined to agree. Outside of a few slang words that have become so distant from their roots that it is difficult to say they are *purely* AAVE anymore, similar with many historically-Yiddish slang words, I do not personally think she could hold a conversation in AAVE and do it respectfully enough to not be offensive. It's just not really hers to do that with.

On the other hand, when I worked in a mostly-black store in an area that was significantly more black-populated, where I rarely had to code switch and mostly used AAVE all the timewith clients and customers, there were nonblack people who also used and understood AAVE. I had no problem with this, even with the white people doing it, because that was just how everyone in that area spoke. And, mot for nothing, but I found those white people to be as a general rule significantly less racist in their treatment of me and of other people of color, and racial mixing was significantly more common. Again, it's about respect. Even if it's not really a concious thing.

[fridayyy-13th]

THE "fanon is so much better then canon" REBLOG TAGS. WOULD U BE OKAY SHARING UR SASHA CHARACTERIZATION THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS THAT MADE ME SO EXCITED TO SEE..... . no worries if u'd prefer not to though or wouldn't be sure how to articulate all of that!!! im like that sometimes when there are just So many character thoughts so no worries either way :-]]] have a cozy day or nightttt btw

oh my goodness yes absolutely i would be okay sharing. Sasha's my girl!! i love her!!! and i will not stand for fanon's slander of my beloved.

a while back i made a post about the list i have of Various Sasha Observations from the episodes she appears in (tbh i still need to add stuff from MAG 039 to it...), but what's always struck me is just how full of character and life she is, even appearing in as few episodes as she did. she's curious, clever, snarky, pedantic, reckless, and cares for her friends so much. basically the opposite of the "braincell holder" archetype she's been assigned!! she faces monsters head-on twice to protect her friends, she learned about Martin's CV through her own snooping and kept that information to herself so he could keep his job, she seems really easy to talk to (in MAG 024, she manages to coax an amused tone out of Jon, who's in full prickly-boss-mode at this point in the series), and she's also just as clueless about archiving as the rest of the characters (see: the stapler incident. standard staples rust, i believe what she should have been doing to keep the loose statements together was putting them into individual folders? i'm not an archivist. but the idea Sasha would have been better at archiving is not true. she would have absolutely been a better Archivist though. in Jonah's eyes, at least. she's got Jon's lack of self-preservation and double the curiosity).

also just...as an arospec person i love projecting on her, honestly. aromantic!Sasha is a headcanon very dear to my heart; i'm particularly fond of queerplatonic interpretations of her and Tim's relationship. i'm also very fond of queerplatonic jonsasha! which is even harder to find!! i just love the ace/aro solidarity they could have. i've got fic WIPs that feature both those relationships in more spotlighted roles than they usually get, if only i could finish them...alas, i'm a notoriously slow writer. they'll get done eventually, i promise 😅

oh my GOD i almost forgot to mention just how often the other characters bring her up after her death!!! see, like, another thing about fanon is how often Sasha is sidelined, even when she's still alive, but Jon pauses for a heavy moment after Knowing she was killed by the Not!Them, and Martin repeatedly asks about her and her safety after "she" (the Not!Them) disappears, and Tim's downward spiral is accelerated by having lost another person dear to him to the Stranger. and even after her death, she's important to them. when Peter asks Jon "where are your friends, Archivist?" in 159, his first answer is "Tim and Sasha are dead," when his closest friend at the time is Daisy. this isn't even important to her characterization per se, but it's important to me that you know that she was so important to them. she was their friend!!! even though she was forgotten she was remembered as a friend!!!!!

...but uh, yeah. that's my thoughts, lol. Sasha James is the light of my life and fanon absolutely dropped the ball on her. fanon tends to drop the ball on most things but Sasha especially. God i love her so much. it's like my personal mission to get the fandom to care about her as much as i do.

[aardvaark]

I watched Leverage growing up and when I eventually discovered the fandom online/on tumblr I was genuinely shocked to see everyone hated The White Rabbit Job when it had been one of my favorite episodes as a teenager. I understand it's fucked up (part of why I liked it) and a little or really a lot campy/unrealistic (part of why I liked it) but I always like (as an exception to the norm ofc, it works best when it's rare) when the mark is sympathetic, and I liked the weird dream state stuff, and what the story brings out in Sophie and Parker's characters/narratives (and Nate, too, and his arrogance/brilliance/faith in the team). I don't think it's necessarily still one of my favorite episodes but I still enjoy it, although I understand better why some people don't like it. It's just funny to me every time I think about it because I always remember my initial reaction of "what do you MEAN people dont like the white rabbit job????" < totally mystified teenager me

huh, i had no idea it was so unpopular! definitely not one of my favourites, and i can see why it might not be well-liked, but i didn’t know how much people disliked it. i’m pretty new to interacting with the fandom here. im guessing the problems are how much they mess with a guy who’s fairly decent iirc and how the idea of that kind of psychological manipulation happening to you would be pretty terrifying. i can understand that. sometimes surreal things are kinda triggering for various reasons - paranoia, delusions, OCD, etc. and no it’s probably not the most realistic of their cons haha!

though mainly i liked the parker moments anyway, not so much the con. there’s:

one of the last major moments in the sophie & parker relationship arc, with sophie saying she trusts parker to talk to the mark alone.

parker proving that sophie was right to trust her, too, because she talks the mark down by herself, and she does it *as parker*, not as a grift and not trying to emulate sophie. she does it in her slightly awkward, very parkerish, completely valid way - she’s earnest and brave, and it’s not what sophie would have said (sophie would probably be very sweet and soothing) but she doesn’t have to talk to people like sophie. parker’s own way of connecting works, possibly better than sophie’s method would have!

parker opening up a little about her brother. and talking about her Feelings to a stranger!!showing a bit of vulnerability and sharing!!

parker coming back at the end and asking if they’re all good, sophie asking her if they’re all good, and parker saying they are.

THE line "they thought i was crazy, but i never was! i never was" which is SO important. parker’s always taken it on the chin when people say she’s crazy, insane, that there’s something wrong with her (and not in the now-affectionate eliot way). people have told her that for a long time. maybe she’s even believed it. but now she insists that not only is she not crazy now (ie after some time with her new family who’ve helped her heal), but that she was never crazy - not when she was a traumatized and grieving autistic kid, not when she was a scared and closed off teen or young adult, not when she does or says things that people call "weird". and she says it like a realization and she sounds so determined and insistent and aaahh!!! it’s just so important!!!!!

anyway yeah. i guess i don’t know about the episode overall, but i enjoyed the parker moments. she’s my favourite, im not even gonna pretend lol. i really like the sophie & parker relationship beats in this one and that it shows how incredibly far parker has come - without changing who she is at her core. that’s how i viewed it, at least! totally willing to hear other opinions tho :)

[pursued-by-the-squid]

right off the bat gihun trying to take care of you OUGH i could cry. also him pulling a jungbae and being like “eat pls ty”. reader immediately touching all up on youngil oh i know gihun was fuming. also me being jealous of reader..even tho i am reader :3 halp. “Is it your imagination or does Gi-hun’s voice sound deeper than before?” IM GOING TO PASS OUT I THINK. oh he CANNOT handle another man even giving you the least bit of attention. 2 second interaction and he’s ready to pounce. youngil and his betrayal ouch :/ and the “talking to strangers” bit, we all know he was being a little serious pls youngil u PERV. i always thought the thanos fight was super interesting bc we can see cop!inho pop out here. also when thanos hits him with the “take care of your own kids” ik it hit hard for him. if I was reader i once again, would have PASSED OUT. and reader realizing they don’t know everyone about him either. the fear is there and they’re unsure of how to even process it. inho kind of showing his true colors with how bad he is at keeping a front lol. and him talking over you?????? yeah that would’ve been it 🤨 he’s so determined to do his job as the front man (and is so jealous) that he can’t help but slither his way into gihuns attention so rudely ick. gihun bringing unwanted attention on you and youngil being lowkey annoying about ignoring u is such a nice touch. like now you’re distanced from both of them. “you’re friends aren’t you” ill scream RN. gihun needs to know EVERYTHING he’s so pathetic. “Then he remembers kissing you and he ducks his head in shame.” noo :( poor gihun. all that guilt about so many things coming back to him :( reader kiss him again to make him feel better!! “He’s not entirely sure what it is, but he knows that he feels it whenever you look at Young-il or Young-il looks at you. You have nothing to feel guilty for.” HE IS SO EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED HOW AMUSING. gihun back to doting on reader and taking care of reader AUGH he’s such a protector and so attached. “No. “Sure.”” KILLS ME EVERY TIME. “he doesn’t like how Young-il has stolen almost all of your attention since the moment he appeared” i have nothing to say im just obsessed with possessive gihun. “That’s not normal” how dramatic😭 okay i have absolutely no words for the actual game aspect of the chapter because 1.) JUNGBAE NOOOOO WHYYY GIHUN BFF WHYYYYY (but i know exactly why :P) 2.) you really captured the anxiety in the actual gameplay. so well done omg i was hanging onto every word ahh!! -a.a

BELOVED BESTIE I'M SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT, BUT I FINALLY HAVE THE BANDWIDTH TO SIT AND REPLY

i honestly hadn't even thought of him trying to prompt you to eat being a reversal of him and jung-bae, but now that's all i can think of. especially with what i added into the next chapter?? 😭😭 rip to jung-bae, you live on in the love our mains have for one another

PLS the way these two men are in their late 40s/early 50s and neither of them can handle you talking to the other person. "what do u mean ur attention isn't on me at all hours of the day" boys please ✋🏻💀

i love that they're both just fucking morons. on their own, they're relatively competent and intelligent people, but put them in a room together + their shared love interest and watch every single brain cell atrophy on the spot