#im back on my tumblr as a diary shit lmao

[robinniko]

.

[coridallasmultipass]

Going through my old blog posts again, and fUCK!!!!

Another fucking BroCal post that Tumblr bans have taken from me, it's just a broken link now. If anyone knows where to find the original post somewhere else, or has the images saved, please, PLEASE, LMK. God, I regret not saving everything before 2019. Tumblr has taken so much. Ugh. I just wanna live in the nostalgia!! Why did they have to remove all these old posts...

[kaizsche]

hi, everyone!! this is my ao3 wrapped! (i for real almost forgot to post this... sorry i haven't been writing/posting lately, i've been busy with events here and i'm working as a cleaner/typesetter for a scanlation team! we are quite understaffed and have multiple projects to work on so...🥺🥺)

How many words have you written this year?

92,601k!!!  (excluding my wips) wtf i wrote A LOT??

How many works did you publish this year?

31 aiuhdiagdadad

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

easy. skuld’s net - that one shot came to me so suddenly and i wrote it for 3 days straight w/o no breaks whatsoever!!!

What work of yours has the most hits?

my star wars one shot fic - the july writing challenge i believe is at 6,544 hits

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

my first ever tvd fic, the one inspired by arctic monkey’s 505. 

Favorite title you used

in the art of flaw, the bridgerton au fic (shoutout to my friend who helped me make it cause im not exactly great at titles lmao

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

young the giant!!! their songs are just *chef's kiss*

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

this is such an obvious question if you frequently visit my blog. Elejah and klena!!!!!1

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

elejah is a ship i’d die for but i think i love writing finnlena the most cause they’re sooo in tune with one another. at least i think they would’ve been if esther did not manipulate him. (i just love finn okay. cause he's so underappreciated?)

What work was the quickest to write?

skuld’s net (a klena fic) i wrote that thing for 3 effin days straight, looped lany’s 13 over and over and over again. (i wasnt aware of his allegations that time so…)

What work took you the longest to write?

in terms of published fics, i think it’s take my breath. it was created on oct 19 then i picked it up a maybe 2-3 weeks ago? then posted it on dec 4 so yeah

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

i lost count. there is just too many of them.

What’s your longest work of the year?

the one shot fic writing challenge.

What’s your shortest work of the year?

It’s a lil fic which idea i got from a prompt generator in tumblr - i was quite new back then so i thought that maybe participating in it won’t hurt me. It’s called 709 which is inspired by one of my wips wherein elena returned to the past after death and tried to change her life.

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

Oh boy, OH BOY this is a long list. I’ll be taking them all with me but the most noteworthy wips would have to be my princess diaries au and the miracle baby au fic for elejah + the elena & katherine time travel fic

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Probably unedited as hell and kol is a little shit

Your favorite character to write this year?

I think finn. his character in canon is just so unexplored (i haven’t watched the originals so…) and it’s so, so fun to explore his character and adding more to his background.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

I feel... elijah? Cause i am most certainly not as eloquent as he is with words, so i usually find it hard to write his dialogues and stuff in my fics. (but honestly, i have a hard time with all mikaelsons lmfao)

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

I want to explore more of wyler!! (wednesday x tyler) since i’ve just recently joined the fandom and have four wips in my drafts already.

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

I think i have an almost unhealthy obsession with re-reading my work. But it definitely has to be heaven help the fool who falls in love like… i love re-exploring my old ideas (and also wondering where that ‘writer me’ in that era went (cause i literally had to write every single day and not miss a single one whilst delivering good pieces was beyond me.)

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

I’ve got 1,812!

Which work has the most comments?

with 100 comment threads, it’s not at all surprising that its my may writing challenge tvd fic

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

I don’t think i did?

Did you write any gifts this year?

i did for the wyler secret santa event and one for @qvnthesia

Did you receive any gifts this year?

@qvnthesia and i are exchanging fics later this month, so yep! I’m quite excited for that!

What’s your most common category?

easy. f/m

What do you listen to while writing?

I made spotify playlists for each of my pairings, actually. so when i write for a specific ship like klena - i usually turn the volume up for some good ol 505.

Favorite work you wrote this year?

the love of a doppelganger. there’s just something about this fic that i can’t put into words. (it’s my finnlena one) i think it’s about the prospect of giving finn’s character a second chance whilst shedding light as to why his decisions, and his siblings had came to the point of, well, daggering him.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Oh my gosh, as a person whohas short term memory this question is quite hard to answer. Lol. but this line just IDK IT MAKES ME FEEL A CERTAIN WAY, OKAY?!

“You will learn to love me just as you have loved Anakin Skywalker.” He breathes, a promise dressed in the trappings of a threat.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

What honestly surprised me the most is what the tvd fandom did to me, tbh. i’ve been writing fics since 2017, but i’ve never been much hyperfixated like i was with tvd – i think that it also helped me that the fandom has an active community, AND tight-knitted as well we even have a discord server and follow each other on tumblr. So, yeah. I basically not only owe it to the wonderful TVD character (sans the salvatores, thank you.) but also to the people that inspired me, supported me and cheered me on with my fics! (i’m looking at you, @sunless-garden, @qvnthesia,  @wazman, @katherineholmes, @amandamonroe, @finnismyoriginalsin, @sevensistersofsussex, and everyone else!!

[gemsofthegalaxy]

Personal post incoming weeoooo

Might.... do some more reading about PCOS being considered intersex (or ..intersex variation? Sorry im not familiar with terminology) because. Idk. Its.. neat? I know its not medically classified as such rn but i also know a growing amount of ppl W pcos consider themselves that way anyway bc fuck doctors dictating our lives when they barely understand our syndrome anyway.

And like, I remember the first time i heard about the idea that some people consider PCOS to be inherently related considered to be intersex it sort of knee-jerk distressed me a litttttlleeee bit. because i am a (afab/cis) woman and considering myself anything close to not-woman is distressing for me, and i blame this partly on the ""male pattern"" symptoms of PCOS, mostly hair growth. So i felt like by considering myself intersex it would like, invalidate my womanness in a way i am already stressed about,

But also i know like..... your sex or body or hormones or whatever dont actually dictate whether you are a woman and i KNOW that logically?? I have trans friends and loved ones for instances. but of course, you always want to exempt yourself from the positive things as if that cant possibly apply.

But yeah idk if its just me in this moment or if this is sort of coming out of a long while of little things percolating in my brain but i also Know i need to find self love and beauty in the body i have because i will Never be a skinny, hairless, high-heel wearing Standard BeautyTM type girl even tho i ame Very Femme. And i need to accept that i can be those things in the body i have because i cannot have another body even if i wanted plastic surgery or could afford/tolerate hair removal etc it's just not gonna happen that shits expensive and ..hmmmmmnnn.. anyway

And before you ask yes i need therapy lmao.... my former therapists and I have never addressed the body image issues because i always default to working on my anxiety but its like? Idk why i do that??

It almost doesnt make sense bc yes the anxiety is distressing but also it hasnt actually held me back that much, it hasnt prevented me from making friends bc i Have Friends, it hasnt prevented me from getting my Masters, moving several times, or having a job I like so i feel like if i do get therapy again I need to be way more intentional about what I want to work on OTHER than anxiety (its also like. Idk. Working on anxiety in ISOLATION from other stuff is also like?? Only ever gonna be so helpful. I wish holistic healthcare were actually possible imagine that)

Sorry 4 the rant and using tumblr as a diary but oh well. Its the several days between xmas and new years what else can i be doing

[regret-breathing]

one of my irl friends had new ppl move in downstairs. im there to smoke and hang out with them after rosh services yesterday right. minding my own fuckin business. when me and my roommate and her partner go to leave. and i find out. that friend’s new downstairs neighbor. is MY ACTUAL GAY AWAKENING FROM WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND STILL THOUGHT I WAS A GAY MAN. and i had to run into him HIGH AS FUCK.

cant have SHIT in chicago.

i fucking hate living in my neighborhood again why the hell did i move back here. why did so few of us leave. why did so many of us come back. why does patrick have white boy dreds now. with the beard he looks like someone’s skyrim oc. my guy out here cosplaying as ralof’s best friend. … which is a sick burn if you like me are enlightened to the stormcloaks fascist vibes. but fr blonde boy with the long beard and the wide skull and locs tied in a topknot— the weirdest thing about all this is wow what a way to find out patrick idolized my brother lmao.

… which is a sick burn if you know my brother

fuck why am i posting this on tumblr this was meant for my diary. rip.

[judaswail]

AHH i had half a giant response post written out to ur reply to my ask about måneskin and then tumblr deleted it so im just gonna ramble back @ u:

absolutely Crazy details about their manager leaving and album timelines and all that, like it was evident that something changed between esc & rush and that makes total sense. i agree that the Cool Sexy Italian thing is great for marketing and an occasional song, but it’s so fucking tiresome for a whole album and it’s just. disappointing?

i don’t speak italian (aside from when i lived with an italian briefly in germany and he tried teaching me that ‘cazzo’ means ‘hello’ lmao) but even just reading translated lyrics it’s like damiano. what happened. i remember him saying in an interview that writing in english is easier bc they don’t give a shit if it’s cringe, and boy does that come through on rush…

anyway i had more coherent points in the vanished post but yeah, vol. 2 might be a pipe dream but some part of me will always be waiting :’) gonna go watch that video to cleanse, thank u

hey man sorry for taking so long to answer 😭😭 my bitch ass caught covid so if this comes out as pointless rambling that's why😃👍 anyway again, i fully agree with you and my god he did NOT have to tell on himself so bad with that comment lmao. yeah we can tell no thought goes into your english lyrics thanks for not trying ig 💀 btw ever since your last ask i went and listened to bla bla bla and read your diary so you can imagine the kind of state that i am in. mark chapman is the song i've been digging the most, i think, but nothing beats listening to vent'anni at night and bawling your eyes out (can you tell it's my favourite song off that album lol). so yeah we WILL be waiting for what we are due, keep the faith brother 😤 oh and good afternoon in italian is "porca puttana" you should try it out :)

[tea-nblankets]

note 2 self: don't post it on the internet if you wouldn't say it infront of everyone you know

[existentialintrovert]

not me doing the generic white girl thing of ‘i’m gonna romanticise my life’ only to spend the following week sitting indoors making a playlist to do said romanticising to and deciding to pick up a hobby that requires me to be indoors with a stable internet connection throughout 

[urbearfriend]

:) :)

[aebliss]

bruh I haven't used this app in almost 4 years whats with the 3 different dashes

[mythiccheroacademia]

Happy New Years Hotties!!!

hey :) i know your dash is flodded with beautiful new year’s posts and i just wanna pop in and add my own little thank you note. if you read nothing else, at least read this.

after the year we just had, you deserve some big gross romantic declaration of love and then a new year’s kiss. so lemme just say i love you and give you a smooch. you survived all 365 days and that’s some real hot girl shit. thank you for being you. i’m shaking some metaphorical ass for you bc you are that bitch

wishing nothing but inner peace, self love, confidence, happiness, big moneyyy and all the pretty bitch shit you could ever want in life <3

now that that’s over, wanna see me be a cornball beneath the line?

i’ve attempted to write this an embarassing amount of times. so now im forced to write this 2 hours before midnight at a church event....wearing white like im not on the most sinful app in my phone...in front of my mother...keeping a straight face in front of 100 people...and this wig is squeezing tf out my head. this is prolly not gonna be perfect and if i forget anything or anyone, my b dawg. i’ll be back to edit

so let’s get into it. no beta, we die like hot girls 

there’s about 5.4k+ of y’all i’d like to individually thank, but that’s impossible in the time constraint i have. so, for now, pls accept this embarrassing thank you/love letter. im not gonna act like i dont spill my heart out to yall on a daily. but imma do it again. this yr was trash tbh. everyone was being tested like all hell, but we’re here and i’m very grateful for that. my heart is full from all the kind hearts i’ve met throughout my time on here. 

~~~

to my mutuals, your presence literally blows my mind bc there was certainly a time i talked to me, myself, and i LMAO. i was so nervous to speak to anyone outside of asks bc a bitch was shy, but you’ve all accepted me with open arms and have made my time on here that more bearable. thanks for tolerating me bc ik i’m a lot sometimes hehe. y’all are cool asf and a large reason why i haven’t called it quits. no matter what i want the best for y’all. thank you, i love you 

also i have to write a special shout out to @bnhainthewoo and @melanimed bc you two hoes are stuck w me forever. even tho ion like yall niggas all the time, i love y’all like sisters. you’ve supported me through some real shit and i cant say thank you enough. i’d literally fight anyone for y’all also @liltodo @cellotonin @kingtamakimurder @tamasoft @kelatonin @mrs-atushiro @itsbabyysunnyy @mypimpademia @myhoodacademia @infernaltribute7 @sheerxradiance (i’m forgetting so many people but my mom just asked why i’m typing so much and im PANICKING) you all are people that i was lowkey highkey geeked to get to know and blogs i look up to. when i figured out you followed me, i smiled a lot and every time i interact with y’all i literally tell myself ‘don’t fuck this up cece.’ it’s sick LMAOOO i appreciate you and idk man, i just genuinely like you guys a lot and ion be liking people like dat. hope y’all are well and know that i have real love for you. i’d revoke my hottie card for y’all <3

~~~

to my anime anons, bitchhhhhh y’all are a RIOT. thee harem house is a mess!!! the way you keep my on my toes is sickening. you guys deserve a medal. you make my tumblr experience so fun, i can’t thank y’all enough. you make me feel all kinds of emotions and i’m always asking myself, “now how’d we end up here?” KSSKSK. please know that i’m grateful for every note and ask. i hope you all are having a wonderful new year. i love youuuuu

~~~

to my followers, if anyone deserves the biggest thank you, it’s y’all. you’re the main reason i write. the comments and interactions i get from you....i dont understand how i got so lucky. you’ve seen some shit on here yet you still stay. like bitch wtf. WHY ARE Y’ALL STILL HERE??? you make me smile and i honest to God wish i could hug you all. thank you for believing in my writing. thank you for believing in me and this blog. and thank you for being some real ass pretty bitches

i had more to say but i’d be here all night. happy new years y’all. be safe and know i care about you. thanks for surviving 2020 with me. y’all are some hot girls fr fr

i’m about to tag everyone and their mama. if i forget you, pls know i dont mean it and I”M COMING BACK. i have to do this in the next 3 min jdknfk;fk i love you. don’t come at me sideways! i beg!!!

@sems-diarie @sunshineszn @pinkceokjin23 @chefakari @black-bhabie-2000 @azura-galaxy @amajikibby @des-the-girl @blkanimegyal  @iiminibattlehero   @lilsparkyswife @stellarxfresh @mintballoons @reebgirl13 @bnha-baddie @vixenpen @oshun-energy @vangooh-works @tediursula @oh-sotired @azura-galaxy @fuckingyaoimann @astrablossom @todorokiaimee @thermaflute @saitamastamaticsoup @velvesagi @blkladyelle @sweetbakugou @shayiswifey @vodrea @bakugoustanaccount @shhhlikeme  @bnhatrashh @niggacaaaaaat @tododeku-or-bust (couldnt forget to add you<3)

[madmadmilk]

hi j, if u see this n have it in u to offer some big sis advice i would rly appreciate it! so rn im taking time off uni, i've had the worst year in terms of trauma n mental health n family issues n deaths n whatever, its been shit. but i'm trying to decide if i should go back to uni in the new year, i just feel so lost, i dont have any talents, i dont have any core passions or career desires or anything, i just dk what to do w my life and it really gives me so much anxiety :( do u have any tips

oh my gosh i wrote a big huge reply to this earlier but tumblr deleted it lmao sooooo here we go again >>

heyyo!! thank you for stopping by, and i have to let you know how incredibly strong and brave you are. i’m excited for you and your journey towards happiness! in whatever form it will take!! :) with this, you are already on your way. 

i don’t know your specific situation, and i don’t have the magic words to make it all better, but here are some things that may help you get into a motivated and brighter headspace:

+ talk about it: you’re already in it, b. i think it’s so important to tell someone if you’re stressed or worried,, just to hear the words out loud and let someone know. it literally will lift a weight off your shoulders!!

+ spend time with friends and family: i think it’s a good idea to surround yourself with people to gain perspective and warmth. as much as you’d want to isolate yourself,,, surrounding yourself socially will help you heal

+ don’t give up your hobbies, and pick up new ones!: find things that you used to love or want to love, and give yourself time to enjoy them! do this that make you happy! create, draw, write, read, play video games, keep up with tv, exercise >>> anything that makes you smile! for no other reason than You Deserve To Smile

+ keep a diary, journal, blog: just some way to record your feelings, whether it be through writing or photos or memes. just a way for you to reflect and map out your own feelings / motivations. whether it’s recording highs or lows, i think it’s better to express it >> publicly or privately, it doesn’t matter. just so you could see it.

+ watch self-help & self-care vids on youtube: it’s nice to see other people who have gone through similar things and see how they have pulled themselves up. i think you can find shades of humanity and intimacy in watching these videos! inspiring, and without the fuss of being clinical or professional. 

+ take a chance!: if you feel like going back to school sounds like your next natural step, go for it. even if you dont know what your’e going to do or have never started, take a class if you can. try things out and you never know what sticks. 

+ remember that it’s okay to be anxious, nervous, and lost: it’s okay! we all fumble and fall, nothing to be ashamed about. you’re good, and the fact that you want to get up and move is beautiful and wonderful and brave! you got this!

hope this greets you well. i’m just a girl navigating the same trodden streets and i can’t offer much advice other than putting your happiness first. do your best and the world will open up to you! you’ll overcome so many things, so work hard for tomorrow :)

all the best! x

[scige-archive]

welcome 2 my twisted mind ex dee !!

PREFERRED NAME — james :o)

PRONOUNS — she/they

AGE — 20 whole years i am aging rapidly

PINTEREST — HERE!

DISCORD —  sniff#3644

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — svrgcnts is my muse / rph except im rly lazy n don’t do shit

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — i like the attention on twitter but i’d prefer 2 b im’d for that ,,, it’s got my Face on it ,,,

MYER-BRIGGS — istp or w/e the fuck ,,, used to be infp or smth tho

HP HOUSE — i ,,, i don’t know ,,, i always get a different answer ,,, u tell me

ZODIAC — [burps] aquarius

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — no ... ? like ... it’s just a fun ol’ thing but i don’t base my life around it ... i won’t scorn u if ur a gemini or smth

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — uhh ... 19 i think ?? off tumblr it’s been a whole decade tho

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — 2018 :/

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — it was a closed group but we had an rp based out in the desert / loosely based on killjoys where ppl would build big ol’ robots and fight them in an arena n it was like ... dystopian. i had a gal named uuuhhh ... nora maybe ?? her granddad was the local fortune teller n she was one of the engineers

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — are raccoons that far off .... from being realistic ... i’ve seen it done before ...

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — alligators. alligators by trophy scars

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — uuhh ... fucking uuuhh ... what books have i liked ... pride and prejudice or the great gatsby b/c i always hated assigned reading but i’m a whore for mr. darcy n i liked daisy buchanan probably too much :/

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — uuhhh ... fuckin’ ... i didn’t like mice of men ?? i don’t know how popular that was. don’t like the hazel wood by melissa albert or w/e but does Anybody lmao ... i don’t rly know ... hated this book i think called splinter and it was like alice in wonderland meets scene kids and i thought it was fuckin’ stupid.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — i haven’t binged any tv show recently ! i watched howl’s moving castle and shrek back-to-back though :/

FAVOURITE QUOTE — i’m big stupid ... i don’t know ... feed me anne carson quotes ...

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — rarely but i usually write urban fantasy ... big fantasy slut here

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — jenna marbles, emilia fart, sidney lavin, and BONUS youtuber joana ceddia

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — um ... uuh ... anne hathaway ... i think there’s another celebrity that makes me feel a certain way but i just. cannot remember atm.

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — no but my mom’s friend dated lenny kravitz in high school

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — this ... but without anxiety

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was mc’fuckin’murdered :/

ARE ALIENS REAL? — yuh

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — lily’s garden atm

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — i actually ... don’t like spirited away as much as i used to as a kid which makes me :/ still love howl’s moving castle though

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — sea shells and pretty rocks, books, random knick knacks, lighters, condoms except that one was accidental

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — i wanna learn ... some cool nature science shit ... animals and shit ... i’m not lazy i’m just poor and 2 stupid 4 a science major

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, spanish, and like ... arabic maybe

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — shrek ... princess diaries ... uuhhh ... halloweentown and all the sequels ... maybe legally blonde

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — [sticks fingers into my nostrils] uuhhh ... veronica mars, scott pilgrim, molly from booksmart, kelso, penelope garcia, mike myers’ cat in the hat, dr. evil, scooby doo

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no.

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — no.

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — miss fisher’s murder mysteries ... very good if u like detectives but hate bbc sherlock. six of crows 4 a book. deponia (the complete journey) for a video game ... check out big fish if u wanna see danny devito’s bare ass

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — elon musk’s ... i don’t like him but i need to Know.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — once upon a time in hollywood. it sucks and i hate feet but all the girls ? hot as fuck.

DO YOU STILL READ? — uuh ... kind of ??

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — last book i was reading but haven’t finished and haven’t ... gotten around to reading more of ... is strange the dreamer which is a really good book i’m just shit for brains

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – like ... a 5 i think ... my back hurts and i have 2 pee

[choco-style]

lately I’ve found myself mind yelling “shut the fuck up” more than usual and I don’t know who to talk to because there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it, I just have to wait to go to school and feel better, which is crazy because the general opinion on school is “god I hate it I just wanna go home” and that’s what I used to think too when I was in my awful 5-8 grade class

and it’s not just real life people I want to shut up, I feel like I’m getting more defensive and my favourite creators are getting called all kinds of things by people who claim to have the higher moral ground (or whatever you call it), when they themselves wish terrible things upon people who have either done nothing wrong, or who have apologized for everything they did wrong. and it’s 99% on tumblr. now I understand why no one fucking likes this site.

and I’m back again in this state where “I wanna go home” doesn’t at all refer to the actual apartment, but to a mentally happy place. and it sounds edgy when your brain says I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home please shut the fuck up

this isn’t even that bad and it’s nothing serious and I don’t know how I feel about all this I just needed to let it out and tumblr is where I can write longass “diary entries” and very few people who I care about will read them, and if someone has a problem with them I don’t give a single shit about their feelings and I hope they get the help they need to not turn into a shitty person or worse.

ive also been kinda mean??like not quite but kinda??? i dont know i just feel like i peaked and now im just kinda there. but im not even in the neutral empty doorway kind of state, its like now im in the room but idk what i wanna do and i need to pee but theres no toilet and im just there. like how dreams feel sometimes,,,,, idk aaagh

during the first 5 days of the week i look forward to the weekend because that keeps me happy and good and nice but then the weekend is the worst part of every week and i look forward to going to school, and now i wont even have this escape because this is the last week were going to school this decade and i have to breathe the same air and hear the same sounds as my family and i dont want to, i wanna go to school and be distracted and plan out my evenings and mornings when im basically alone. or something. i dont know what im talking about. i just dont want winter break. i dont wanna talk to my family when theyre all together. whenever theres even two people from my family in the same room i feel like i want to cry and i end up wishing id made plans or something, anything just to be somewhere else. 

youtube videos arent working anymore. or they are, but not really. i can block out the sound partially but i can still hear other people. and i think its normal but also fucked up. “what is?” well thanks for asking, me in “ “s, having these people argue so much is common but fucked up, having to stop whatever ur doing just to check whether or not a family member is crying, only to find out theyre laughing, is fucked up but maybe common. wanting to be home alone is common and not fucked up i think. going into a mental crisis because youre in this eternal circle of being sad - amplifying it because ur an attention whore - realising ur an attention whore - instead of stopping, u amplify THIS to feel absolutely terrible except not really because its not real or is it - now ur making urself look like the victim of realising ur not the victim. jesus fucking christ u stop thinking about it and it happens again a while later. just shut the fuck up, me. shut the fuck up. make my brain shut the fuck up,  i would literally probably cry happy tears if someone could make me shut the fuck up forever. or maybe i wouldnt but right now i feel like im gonna cry thinking about it. or its just placebo. or not placebo, the negative one. or idk. maybe i was right the first time i dont know. and now my back hurts cuz im like a little bug or whatever im just writing like. reversed arched. i dont know how to explain it lmao. i dont wanna read this thiing ever again but i most likely will! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! be happy lol u knwo the meme thats like cmon work. idk what it was but the reference is in my brain and i feel like i could use it. and now i sound weird. well not weird im just going thru the thing i explained earlier in this thing. but i wont write abt it im just gonna not think about it bc that seems to work really well. felt the need to add ^^ as if im talking to someone or maybe making my thoughts talk to me rn like how i would talk to someone irl lmao.theyve actually been silent for a while so idk.

id title this “if im being honest” to like show im trying to get my rthoughts out with no real filtering but aaah idk. i dont wanna do it bc the title would be like. bigger and semibold and itd draw attention to  it. i want this to not be read by people but maybe someone will. i have like 2 or 3 people in mind who would maybe maybe maybe read this but i dont know. its really not anything so you shouldnt read it. maybe someone could skim this. is that how you say it. also there is some filtering of my thoughts because i dont wanna name anyone im not looking for trouble i just wanna talk into the void and feel better and maybe this is really it. i do feel kind of relaxed now. my uhhh wrists, yeah thats what theyre fcalled, they kinda hurt and my fingers dont hurt but like, the joints are very,,,accentuated? but not like visually they just. i can conciously feel them? and my throat and kinda eyes? thats bc of almost kinda crying but lol idk. and like ive always hated accentuated feelings and i read this thing on wikipedia about sensory overload and idk if its a normal thing that happens like when something stings or hurts or if its a symptom of something or i dont know but ive always kinda joked about it and its also related to tics. ticks? ticks. tics. and its not really what im feeling rn but its a thing that happens sometimes. kind of. but like when u walk up the stairs and u feel ur right leg has been doing/making more effort pushing u up than ur left leg and u try to balance out the effort and it can be hurtful i guess bc if something like an eye or arm hurts u try to balance out the pain and that can be bad dont do that but like i can do it bc i wont do it in bad scenarios. i went off track lololol sorry

this is kind of what my mind speeches and discourses look like so yeah i hope this goes unnoticed or someone notices it and i can just say nah dude im good trust me because i am i think and u should maybe probably trust me bc usually i have it better than everyone i talk to online or in real life so its fine if u trust me because its nothing to worry about really. ur precious and u desrrve more attention than whatever this thingy is. take care of yourself. the only thing ur allowed to think about this post if u read it (or not but like sure), according to my selfish brain, is that oh wow its cool that u tried mimicking (??) ur thoufhts and id be lioke yeah haha i dont even know whats wriitten in here anymroe im cool like that hahahhahahhhhhhhahha hehe hoho hihi you know. so dont feel anything else than indifference and maybe admiration. i wouldnt say the former if this were something i put thought into but it isnt so enjoy! honesty. kinda.

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

.

[haikyuutrash11]

GET TO KNOW ME!

1:                                        My name?  Jess, but most online people call me Jet              

2:                                        Do I have any nicknames? I have loads of nicknames and I pretty much answer to slurred words too lmao             

3:                                        Zodiac sign? Taurus    

4:                                        Video game I play to chill, not to win? Overwatch                 

5:                                        Book/series I reread? Junjou romantica and a few others                

6:                                        Aliens or ghosts? I like both... but I guess aliens                 

7:                                        Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? @yakulev-trash               

8:                                        Favourite radio station? don't have one... oh wait... maybe kerrang                

9:                                        Favourite flavour of anything? toffee               

10:                                        The word that I use all the time to describe something great? sick                

11:                                        Favourite song? worst question to ever be asked... fuck knows fam               

12:                                        The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? got any kinks? lmao               

13:                                        Favourite word? yaaaars               

14:                                        The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? my ex and no I do not               

15:                                        Last song I listened to? post Malone better now              

16:                                        TV show I always recommend? the big bang theory or anything Michael McIntyre                 

17:                                        Pirates or ninjas? ninjas                 

18:                                        Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? I don't really watch a lot of films to be honest               

19:                                        Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? at the moment BTS- idol ft minaj                

20:                                        Favourite video games? overwatch, rayman, bloodbourne                 

21:                                        What am I most afraid of? losing my son               

22:                                        A good quality of mine? non judgemental                

23:                                        A bad quality of mine? quick to assume                

24:                                        Cats or dogs? dogs               

25:                                        Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? Jason stathem                 

26:                                        Favourite season? winter                 

27:                                        Am I in a relationship? no im happily single                

28:                                        Something I miss? lay ins                 

29:                                        My best friend? Jody and wife                

30:                                        Eye colour? blue               

31:                                        Hair colour? at the moment its half purple half red               

32:                                        Someone I love? Yaku! my omega :D               

33:                                        Someone I trust? my mum                

34:                                        Someone I always think about? my son                

35:                                        Am I excited about anything? Haikyuu season 4               

36:                                        My current obsession? Reinhardt x Lucio smut               

37:                                        Favourite TV shows as a child? Sailor moon and digimon                

38:                                        Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? yeah, my gay American friend Jacob                

39:                                        Am I superstitious? nahhhh                

40:                                        What do I think about most? getting all my shit sorted                

41:                                        Do I have any strange phobias? ……. nunu from teletubies and wind turbines                 

42:                                        Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind it                

43:                                        Favourite hobbies? writing, gaming, painting, drawing                

44:                                        Last book I read? deviations submissions                 

45:                                        Last film I watched? 47 ronin               

46:                                        Do I play any instruments? I used to play the violin and guitar. but don't anymore, although I do want to learn piano                

47:                                        Favourite animal? leopard                

48:                                        Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? bun that               

49:                                        Superpower I wish I could have? telekinesis                 

50:                                        How do I destress? vape                

51:                                        Do I like confrontation? mate I love that shit                 

52:                                        When do I feel most at peace? when im cuddling my son                 

53:                                        What makes me smile? a few things... okay a lot of things but too many things to name                 

54:                                        Do I sleep with the lights on or off? off, what made man sleeps with them on?!?!               

55:                                        Play any sports? pfffffft               

56:                                        What is my song of the week? why is there so many song questions                

57:                                        Favourite drink? milk                

58:                                        When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? ………… hand...…. written...…. letter?               

59:                                        Afraid of heights? nope               

60:                                        Pet peeve? chewing gum loudly               

61:                                        What was the last concert I went to see? reading festival and I only went to see metallica lol                

62:                                        Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? no                

63:                                        What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? red arrow pilot               

64:                                        Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? yeah                 

65:                                        What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Haikyuu… and I would be such a slut lol                

66:                                        Something I worry about? all the legal stuff im going through right now               

67:                                        Scared of the dark? embrace the dark                 

68:                                        Who are my best friends? what... like you want me to name them all?????                

69:                                        What do I admire most about others? honesty. if a person is honest with me all the way through then I will really appreciate them                

70:                                        Can I sing? don't think so                

71:                                        Something I wish I could do? dance and play the piano                 

72:                                        If I won the lottery, what would I do? treat my mum and dad to what ever they wanted and the fly over to Hawaii and be with my omega and then move to Japan               

73:                                        Have I ever skipped school? no kids don't skip school!               

74:                                        Favourite place on the planet? Tokyo                 

75:                                        Where do I want to live? Tokyo                 

76:                                        Do I have any pets? nope              

77:                                        What is my current desktop picture? Kuroo and Tsukki in suits sat on a sofa                

78:                                        Early bird or night owl? night owl                

79:                                        Sunsets or sunrise? sunsets               

80:                                        Can I drive? legally no               

81:                                        Story behind my last kiss? goodbye lmao               

82:                                        Earphones or headphones? headphones              

83:                                        Have I ever had braces? yes for 2 years then I didn't wear my retainer and they moved back lmao               

84:                                        Story behind one of my scars? I have a scar at the top of my finger where I caught it in the part of the door where it locks and I was on skates and slipped and chopped my finger off. I went running to my mum and she put the tip back on and rushed me to hospital lmao               

85:                                        Favourite genre of music? metal               

86:                                        Who is my hero? my mum                

87:                                        Favourite comic book character? do overwatch comics count? if so then Genji                

88:                                        What makes me really angry? having to repeat myself                

89:                                        Kindle or real book?  real book              

90:                                        Favourite sporty activity? *throws up*                

91:                                        What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? sorting out bullies                

92:                                        What was my favourite subject at school?                

93:                                        Siblings? yes 3... 2 sisters and 1 brother               

94:                                        What was the last thing I bought? bread                

95:                                        How tall am I? 5″8

96:                                        Can I cook? yes I can                

97:                                        Can I bake? indeed                 

98:                                        3 things I love? anime, Tsukki, and petals               

99:                                        3 things I hate? slow updates, not getting haikyuu season 4 and my ex lmao                

100:                                        Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? boy friends                

101:                                        Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? usually boys               

102:                                        Where was I born? Hastings UK                

103:                                        Sexual orientation? pansexual               

104:                                        Where do I currently live? Hastings                

105:                                        Last person I texted? my mum                

106:                                        Last time I cried? I couple of weeks ago                 

107:                                        Guilty pleasure? im not guilty about any of my pleasures ;)                

108:                                        Favourite Youtuber? the anime man                

109:                                        A photo of myself. nope                

110:                                        Do I like selfies? if im the one taking it                

111:                                        Favourite game app? summoners war               

112:                                        My relationship with my parents? really good with mum and a bit rocky with dad                

113:                                        Favourite accents? Australian                 

114:                                        A place I have not been but wish to visit? Hawaii to visit my omega                 

115:                                        Favourite number?  7             

116:                                        Can I juggle? not a chance                 

117:                                        Am I religious? science                 

118:                                        Do I like space? yes               

119:                                        Do I like the deep ocean? nooooooo                

120:                                        Am I much of a daredevil? yeah, stupidly sometimes ahahaha               

121:                                        Am I allergic to anything? peanuts               

122:                                        Can I curl my tongue?  yeah I can ;)              

123:                                        Can I wiggle my ears?  yeeeeeee              

124:                                        Do I like clowns? I don't hate clowns?               

125:                                        The Beatles or Elvis? the beatles                

126:                                        My current project? wildest dreams                

127:                                        Am I a bad loser? sometimes               

128:                                        Do I admit when I wrong? yes I do                 

129:                                        Forest or beach? forest                

130:                                        Favourite piece of advice? “each day is a gift and not a given right” 

131:                                        Am I a good liar? I am really!!! shit at lying. I twitch and stutter, its not pretty.                

132:                                        Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Hogwarts house- Slytherin                

133:                                        Do I talk to myself? sometimes                 

134:                                        Am I very social? I can be                 

135:                                        Do I like gossip? its like asking if I like to breath                

136:                                        Do I keep a journal/diary? nahhhhh               

137:                                        Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? I failed a few tests                 

138:                                        Do I believe in second chances? yeah                

139:                                        If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? find the ID and return it                

140:                                        Do I believe people are capable of change? no                

141:                                        Have I ever been underweight? nahhhhhh               

142:                                        Am I ticklish? yes, very...its embarrassing                 

143:                                        Have I ever been in a submarine? I have but it wasn't going under water lol                

144:                                        Have I ever been on a plane? indeed I have                

145:                                        In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? rebel Wilson to be me, Melissa McCarthy to be my mum lol                

146:                                        Have I ever been overweight? yeah still am a thic bit ahaha               

147:                                        Do I have any piercings? yes I have 10                

148:                                        Which fictional character do I wish was real? Tsukki or Kuroo maybe even Yamaguchi for best friend material or Tanaka for banta                 

149:                                        Do I have any tattoos? yes I have 4                

150:                                        What is the best decision I have made in life so far? to break up with my ex lmao                

151:                                        Do I believe in Karma? 100%              

152:                                        Do I wear glasses or contacts? no I have perfect vision                 

153:                                        What was my first car? n/a                

154:                                        Do I want children? if I didn't then I would be pretty fucked now ahaha                

155:                                        Who is the most intelligent person I know? I did have a friend called Aaron and he was very very very very smart                 

156:                                        My most embarrassing memory? I don't get embarrassed                

157:                                        What makes me nostalgic? the smell of clay                

158:                                        Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? yes many times                 

159:                                        Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains                

160:                                        What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? black lmao!!                

161:                                        Have I ever had a paranormal experience? yeah loads lol                 

162:                                        What do I hate most about myself? my weight                 

163:                                        What do I love most about myself? ugh.... my humour lol                 

164:                                        Do I like adventure? hell yeah!               

165:                                        Do I believe in fate? yes I do               

166:                                        Favourite animal? …. wasn't this already asked? well in case you forgot! leopard                 

167:                                        Have I ever been on radio? nope                

168:                                        Have I ever been on TV? yes I have hehehehe               

169:                                        How old am I? 25                

170:                                        One of my favourite quotes? because we don't have wings we look for ways to fly                 

171:                                        Do I hold grudges? a few                

172:                                        Do I trust easily?  no I really don't               

173:                                        Have I learnt from my mistakes? yeah, its important to always learn from your mistakes               

174:                                        Best gift I’ve ever received? a child               

175:                                        Do I dream? I dream big fam                 

176:                                        Have I ever had a night terror? yeah and its fucking horrible and wouldn't wish it upon anyone!!               

177:                                        Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? I do remember most of my dreams. one that comes to mind was a very very smutty one between a haikyuu pairing but I wont say it because ill be adding it to wildest dreams hehehehehe               

178:                                        An experience that has made me stronger? a break up from a long term relationship has made me grow as a person                 

179:                                        If I were immortal, what would I do? try and become what ive always wanted to                 

180:                                        Do I like shopping? I love shopping but only if I know what im going for or if I have money to spend                

181:                                        If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? murder                

182:                                        What does “family” mean to me? it means home                 

183:                                        What is my spirit animal? a leopard or a bunny lol                 

184:                                        How do I want to be remembered? I want to be remembered for having a sense of humour and for being very accepting                

185:                                        If I could master one skill, what would I choose? dancing                

186:                                        What is my greatest failure? not passing some gcse’s

187:                                        What is my greatest achievement? becoming a mum               

188:                                        Love or money? love                

189:                                        Love or career? career               

190:                                        If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? to the future about 5 years                

191:                                        What makes me the happiest? when my son is laughing and when I talk to the people I love                 

192:                                        What is “home” to me? home is where the heart is                

193:                                        What motivates me? ive had to be my own motivator most of my life                 

194:                                        If I could choose my last words, what would they be? just lost the game               

195:                                        Would I ever want to encounter aliens? yeah but the seem to only kid nap dumb arses                 

196:                                        A movie that scared me as a child? robo cop lmao                 

197:                                        Something I hated as a child that I like now? toad in the hole               

198:                                        Zombies or vampires? vampires                

199:                                        Live in the city or suburbs? city                 

200:                                        Dragons or wizards? dragons                

201:                                        A nightmare that has stayed with me? dunno               

202:                                        How do I define love? it cant be defined by another person, each person has to figure out there own type of love and for what reason and if it matters to them then no one else can judge                

203:                                        Do I judge a book by its cover? hell no I don't! I love people for who they are as a person not there appearance                

204:                                        Have I ever had my heart broken? yes of course                 

205:                                        Do I like my handwriting? nahhhh my hand writing is horrible                 

206:                                        Sweet or savoury? savoury                

207:                                        Worst job I’ve had? caravan park... cleaning them ><               

208:                                        Do I collect anything? anime stuff!!! :D               

209:                                        Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? shoes lmao!               

210:                                        What is on my bucket list? to move to Japan, to learn Japanese, to become an author, to learn an instrument.... the list goes on                 

211:                                        How do I handle anger? not very well ahahahaha               

212:                                        Was I named after anyone? no I wasn't                 

213:                                        Do I use sarcasm a lot? pfffft me? would I ever? of course not! *looks to the corner*                

214:                                        What TV character am I most like? ermmmmmmmmmmmm I would say a mix between Rosa from Brooklyn nine nine and Michael McIntyre                

215:                                        What is the weirdest talent I have? erm… I can twitch my nose and move my ears at the same time without touching them               

216:                                        Favourite fictional character? Tsukki