#im back in my hometown after almost 6 months

[t-girl-samus]

Quick vent post in tags

[imaginemcyt]

being childhood best friends with cc!ranboo would include...

synopsis: what it was like growing up best friends with ranboo

tw: none!

listen to: count on me by bruno mars, twin size mattress by the front bottoms, the best day by taylor swift

you probably met in your early school days, most likely first grade or so (you'd be like 6 for those of you who don't go to american public school!)

you'd become friends pretty fast, always picking each other during partner work time and playing with each other on the playground

you probably poked at worms and drew each other little pictures 😭😭😭😭😭

growing up your parents knew him and their parents knew you, so you'd always spend time at each other's houses

summers were always the best because you got to spend nearly every day together, always swimming at his house or riding your bikes around your neighborhood

when you were twelve, you got into a pretty big fight and didn't talk to each other for almost a month. it was the longest you'd ever been apart, and you both cried when you finally made up. your parents were extremely worried about the two of you

when you got to be about 13, your body changed quickly, and they were always the first to hype you up when you felt down about yourself, and they always stuck up for you if you got bullied or received unwanted attention

he became a personal guard dog for you 😭

they'd literally just intimidate people with their height and that's all it took

you were his support system when discovering his gender and sexuality and they will never ever forget that

you're genuinely their soulmate. even if not romantically, you're two halves of one whole, and you both know it deep down

you're the first person he goes to when he blows up online

you're in full support, but you want to remain completely anonymous and uninvolved

you don't want their clout, and they love you for that

everyone around you thinks you guys are dating, and you don't make a big deal out deal of denying it, just a simple "no, they're just my best friend!"

as ran continues to grow online, you remain entirely out of the public eye for a couple years

in late 2022, he introduces you to his fanbase and they love you!!

after that you still stay pretty private, only really joining for a couple streams and videos here and there

chat always asks about you

they love to tell stories about you on stream

when he moves to the uk, you cry harder than you ever have, but you understand that he sort of needs to for his career path, and you're in support

they promise to still call and text you every day

before he leaves though, you guys kinda have an "oh, duh" moment where you're like,, wait. you're an adult, too,, you could literally just go with him.....

so you do! you move to the uk with them!

your parents all see you off and you all cry together, but they know you'll be alright because you have each other to lean on

eventually you're introduced to aimsey, bill, tommy, tubbo (im delulu), freddie, and others such as wilbur, james, ash, phil, and charlie

you are an official member of cricket crew

sometimes you guys will go back to america and visit your hometown in california, driving together down your old town's streets, windows down and music up, reminiscing

they will cuddle you or hold your hand (/p) if you ever want or need them to

ceo of piggyback rides.

he knows you so well that you don't even have to ask

tesco trips. y'all never have to argue about who is going to do the shopping, you always go together because it's fun. hanging on the shopping buggy, riding it through the aisles, buying a bunch of things that you most definitely do not need

they 100% spoil you. they will buy you anything and everything, just because they wanted to. you try to do the same as much as you can, but he always wins because they have that streamer money 😔

you both have so many stories and so much blackmail on each other

and photos... my god, the pictures yall have........

birthday gifts are never serious, you always get each other gag gifts and inside joke related gifts

christmas is when you literally spoil each other

they always bring home your favorite snacks when they're out

if you're a gamer, they're introducing you to new games they found and learning how to play them with you

if you're not a gamer, he's teaching you how to play his favorites just for fun!

if they get too scared playing a horror game they'll call you into the room and make you sit with them and be scared too :P

you guys have this sixth sense, when something is wrong, you just... know. ran's upset? you don't even have to talk before you're already hugging him. you're sad? he's leaving tommy's house right now because he can't explain it, there's just a disturbance in the force

whenever anyone asks how you guys met/how long you've been friends, he always sounds so proud when he says "oh, i've known them my whole life!"

y'all are so sweet i swear to god

[atthebell]

I feel for the job search, fun fact I literally got ghosted by a guy after he asked if I could come in to an interview. Like we were getting a time and date put together for an interview and then he stopped responding.

Or that I applied for a job within my government. They said hey yes your application looks good were going to compare you against the other applicants and get back to you with a decision. It's been a year since I sent in that app and 6 months since they said I was still in the running for that job

I'm lucky I got the job I have now, but goddamn did the job hunting process make me want to actually appear on the front page of the newspaper (for charity of course 😅)

companies just do not bother to send rejection letters anymore which is endlessly frustrating because then you feel strung along

ive been job searching on and off for over a year at this point like im really lucky that my parents are happy to let me live with them and part of the issue is that i have to find a remote job because i can't drive but like. it's exhausting and it feels almost impossible like atp i might just get my license and get a job working at the fucking hardware store which is like. at least it's something and a job is a job but i spent six years straight going to university only to graduate and not be able to find a job relevant to my degrees and be stuck living in my hometown again and it fucking sucks

[jaeyunluvs]

birthday surprises - arón piper imagine

Author’s Note: Thanks for all the positive comments I’ve got on my last headcanon im so happy sdfjsfhds okay anyways here’s the actual first fanfic here we go people!!

SECOND NOTE: There was a problem with my laptop so it doubled a paragraph i’m so so sorry :(( edit: I fixed it

you can read my headcanon here

warnings: nothing. fluff i guess ah and maybe a tiny angst in the beginning

a short disclaimer: i dont know any of these people personally! english is my second language i may have mistakes (let me know if i do) . also i dont really know how to speak spanish so im sorry!!! 

anyways enjoy!!

“Do you think he’ll be here?” you asked your sister painfully while sitting on the table eating lunch. Your birthday was tomorrow and you were in your hometown to celebrate your birthday with your siblings and some friends from your childhood nothing much. But your boyfriend, Arón was in the shooting for Elite.

“Honey he’ll try his best but I don’t think he will. He’s a successful actor you know that.” your sister Maya said.

You tried to understand but you didn’t feel happy. You and your family adored him which is a good thing and this made you so happy because he meant a lot to you. But he was the only person you actually wanted to spend time with

“I’ll kill him and punch his face if he doesn’t show up! He’s a cool bro but tell me if you need anything.” your brother Leo told you.

“Leo calm down, stop planning on the poor boy!” your sister Maya defended him.

While they were arguing. You stared at the outside from the window, rain pouring down from the sky. Raindrops on the ground, the fresh feeling of rain, the smell of nature just made you feel better. 

After staring at the beauty of nature, Aron called. You immediately run to your room and accept the call from with your sweaty hands.

“Hola, amor”

“Hi aron, i miss you”

“Yo tambien amor, please forgive me but I won’t be able to make it to your birthday can we celebrate it later?” he says in the phone but actually suffering cause he hates it when you’re sad and not be able to spend time especially special times together.

“oh, okay sure” you said while tears pooling in your eyes trying not to make Aron notice. You tried to find an excuse to end the call “then we’ll talk later i gotta go mom’s looking for me.” 

“bye carina” you ended the call without hearing him saying bye but you didn’t want him to understand you’re crying and sad because you support his work and you didn’t want him to think you’re a baby (WHICH HE DOESNT I PROMISE). You sat on your bed cried for hours eating ice cream, hugging your dog and watching romcom movies with your sister. (A/N. typical lol)

Meanwhile in the Elite set:

After the call, Aron was actually very unhappy. Miguel and Omar tried to cheer him up. Their work was only waste of time because they know you’re the only person that could make him happy.

You met the elite cast in the first month you started dating Aron which right now it's been 6 months since you've started dating. Everyone loved you and very happy that their friend Aron is dating such a wonderful lady.

"I have an idea. Let's go all together. Aron call her Y/N's sister immediately we have a surprise to do!" Danna chirped.

"But how are we gonna go all together?" Aron asked still sad, in the verge of crying.

“Also The director said we can’t go.” said Claudia with a sad expression.

“I’ll go talk to him we can all have a day off can’t we?” Omar tried to cheer everyone up. He is one of the most cheerful person in the cast which this was the one of the reasons why you loved Omar. After the idea popping up, Itzan and Omar went to talk with the director.

10 minutes passed Aron was still stressing out and feeling unbelievably sad (a/n: this baby cares about you so much ahh sdfhsh <33). Danna and Ester being completely positive they tried to plan the surprise.

After 30 minutes Itzan and Omar came back with good news. They explained that they can have the day off but they begged the director so bad that the director was going to explode. 

“That cabron was being so rude! But he’s nice that he accepted so let’s go!” said Omar.

“Madre Mia, Aron you owe us a favor!” claimed Itzan laughing while watching Aron jumping in his seat.

The cast was extremely happy.

The car ride was so fun but weird at the same time. Maria and Jaime couldn’t come but they promised to celebrate it later. Jorge and Miguel partying in the background. Itzan and Aron chatting about rap. Omar and Alvaro sleeping. Last but not least all the girls were sitting together planning everything.

“Aron, what are the things she like? Like what’s her favorite movie?” Ester asked curiously so she can get an idea and brainstorm about the surprise.Aron answered with a low husky voice “She likes dogs, music, and her favorite movie is 10 Things I Hate About You. Mi amor loves oldies.” he smiled while thinking of what you like. He likes every single one of you. I guess this is called love. But are you also in love with him? Are you guys ready to tell that you guys love each other? Rejection. Fear. Concern. Little did he know that you felt the same.“oohh but 10 Things I-” Maria was interrupted by Aron.

“Ay dios mio! I have the perfect idea!” Aron said excitedly. He explained his dearest friends.

They called Maya and Leo to make the surprise possible. They were too happy and they told Aron that you were so sad he immediately felt like an evil and stopped talking. But the plan made him felt better.

It was going to be perfect.

Anyways after 8 hours of the car ride. Everyone was tired. They went on the ride at the night and now it was morning.

Aron was coming.

For his love

The girl he loved.

For you.

The Birthday Day

“WAKEY WAKEY Y/N IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!” Your sister Maya and brother Leo shouted. They were so excited for the surprise. 

The party was going to be in the house so Maya had to take you out of the house until night. 

(A/N: Just a side note sorry for interrupting but your parents are not gonna be in the party!)

You grumbled and mumbled a few curse words under your mouth and woke up.

“Today we’re gonna shop, go meet Y/B/F/N and go to the movies!! It’s gonna be so much fun!” Maya said excitedly.

You smiled at your sister and grateful that she wants you to be happy. You tried to forget Aron for that day and have a nice time. 

After eating breakfast you went out. Your phone was blowing with birthday messages and some dm’s from instagram about Aron’s arrival to the hometown by fans but Maya immediately caught the phone while she sent you to get something. 

The day went great, you went to see Avengers Endgame which is one of your favorite movies, you went to shopping, bought a sunglasses, ate junk food, done silly stuff. But Aron was nowhere to be found for you. There was no message or calls which made you feel so bad inside. 

On the other hand, the house was crazy, people trying to cook, plan, decorate the house... It was already a mess.

After the effort that almost 25 people given has done and it was the time that you were going to be taken back home by Maya.

“Y/N it was a great day. happy birthday te quiero mucho. Now go to house I’ll be back i’ll park the car ” she hugged you in the car, then you went out. While you were trying to open the door you heard a similar melody.

“You’re just to good to be true,”

“Can't take my eyes off of you“

“You’ll be like heaven to touch,”

“I wanna hold you so much”

“As long as love as arrived”

“And i thank god I’m alive”

“You’re just too good to be true,

“Can’t take my eyes off of you.” 

You saw Aron walking to you singing. You ran into him and kiss him so passionately. You were almost crying. Also he knew your favorite movie and always wanted to be surprised like this. 

“You’re here Aron! You’re here and you’re singing like Pat did to Kat.”

“Would never miss it, mi cabron!”

Then you heard a crowd shouting and singing happy birthday for you. You see the elite cast running for you. You hug every single of them and thank for their effort to come there.

You were so grateful to have such friends, family and a boyfriend like that.

It was too good to be true.

Song Credits: Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You - Frankie Valli

[kpopchangedmylife44]

Meeting Wooyoungs family for the first time

- you and Wooyoung have been dating for almost 6 months and you often heard Wooyoung talking to his parents on the phone

- he always seemed so happy afterwards, so you wanted to meet his family as they are so important to him

- you actually convinced him to go on a trip near his hometown, but he didn’t get the clue, that you would also visit his parents afterwards

- you arranged the whole thing and talked to his mother on the phone

- just by talking to her you felt some kind of comfort and you were really excited to finally meet her and the rest of his family

- Wooyoung also talked a lot about you with them, so they had an idea of your personality and relationship

- you both left in the morning to take a train

- as it was so early you closed your eyes the whole journey to rest for some hours and laid your head on Wooyoung shoulder

- he teased you how you could already be exhausted

- ,,Wait till you meet me family one day. You will be exhausted for weeks.“

- you didn’t bother saying anything back, just shrugging your shoulders

- Wooyoung secretly wanted to introduce you to his family for months now, but he was a little scared

- because he could already feel that you would be together for a long time and wouldn’t want his family to have any other opinion about you

- and he knew that it was just overthinking, cause how could they not love you

- but he also didn’t want to pressure you into meeting them

- he stopped thinking about it and just gently played with your hair and smiled while you fell asleep

- after 2 hours you ate some snacks and arrived at your destination

- the next couple of hours were spend browsing around the small shops and eating lunch at a cute café

- he was smiling the whole time because it was rare that he had a day off and got the spend it with you

- Wooyoung just hugged you several times throughout the day, cause he felt like it and it made you really happy

- so the day was already a success and you haven’t even met his parents

- he had no clue what was happening when he spotted his parents and his little brother in front of a shop

- he was actually quite overwhelmed because he felt bad for you, meeting his parents all of the sudden

- ,,y/n I just spotted my parents and I would understand it, if you aren’t ready to meet them yet. I could just say hi to them and we would continue to spend our day together. But I would also be happy if you’re ok with meeting them.“

- he was actually dying to finally introduce his favorite person in his life to the people that mattered the most to him

- and it was really random, but maybe it wouldn’t be so awkward after all

- you just stared at him and waited for him to maybe understand that this was planned, but his gaze grew really concerned, so you explained while bursting into laughter

- ,,Wooyoung, I actually arranged the whole thing, so we could finally meet them.“

- he couldn’t believe it, how could he love you even more than he already had, but in this moment he fell for you all over again

- he gave you a quick peck (although he wanted to do more, but you were in the presents of his parents after all) and you quickly walked to his parents

- his brother waved at you excitedly and jumped up and down before running into Wooyoungs arms, who hold him tight while laughing

- it only took one moment to love his little brother as he was the most adorable little kid you ever saw

- before you could shake his parents hands, he jumped off of Wooyoung and shook your hand with a lot of enthusiasm

- ,,omg Wooyoung, I now understand why you never showed us your girlfriend. She is way prettier than you. And maybe you were also afraid that I could steal y/n from you, as I am way more charming than you.“

- he actually winked at you and you giggled and smiled

- ,,yeah, you’re right. Your brother is actually quite the idiot, but he tried to ask me out for months, so I had to give in. And he isn’t half bad.“

- ,,yeah, he gives decent birthday presents.“

- Wooyoung and his parents just watched you and his brother bonding and shittalking about him

- and you were like: oh my, I was not supposed to talk that way about their son, but then they bursted out laughing

- Wooyoung just smiled fondly at you, as he found it the cutest thing ever to see you bonding with his little brother

- his parents introduced themselves and they also hugged you

- ,,He‘s actually right. From all we can tell Wooyoung really got lucky finding a person who cared so deeply about him to arrange this whole thing. I mean who else is willing to meet the parents of their partner. That takes a lot of courage.“

- Wooyoung immediatly relaxed after hearing that and you were also glad that his parents seemed to like you

- you visited a sea life as you knew how much his brother loved fish and other sea creatures

- it was so easy to talk to Wooyoungs parents about anything, it felt like talking to friends

- Wooyoung and you held hands the whole day while both of you explained some facts about the animals

- Wooyoungs brother seemed to love you as he constantly teased him, how you would prefer him over Wooyoung as you constantly made his brother laugh and listened to his wild stories

- seeing being so sweet with his brother was the most wholesome thing ever, so your mind wandered about him with kids

- and Wooyoung couldn’t lie, cause he got the same thoughts when he saw you and his brother together, but this was some time down the road

- when his parents had to buy something for his brother at the gift shop, the both of you were standing in front of the shark tank

- ,,thank you for arranging this whole day, y/n. I’m so happy to have you in my life.“

- Wooyoung usually didn’t say such things, so you knew how much it really meant to him

- he gave you a really sweet hug while whispering ,,I love you“ in your ear

- for a little moment you stood there arms around each other watching the sharks

- ,,Wooyoung, this shark actually looks like you.“

- and you were right as he bursted into his high hyena laugh

- his parents already liked you really much, but when they recognized how much more Wooyoung laughed with you and how happy he looked, they were seeing you as part of their family

- after the museum you drove to his parents house to enjoy dinner while cracking jokes

- his parents told you all about his embarrassing childhood stories and his mother also sneaked some photos into your handbag

- ,,For when he misbehaves. A little blackmailing never hurt nobody.“

- this woman was iconic and you talked about Wooyoung while laughing your hearts out, but she was also really interested in you as a person not just as Wooyoungs partner

- so you also spoke about your hobbies and interests and learned that you actually had some things in common

- his father gave you a lot of snacks and sweets

- ,,Im really glad, that we got to meet you, y/n. Wooyoung was actually talking my ear off about you, but now I understand.“

- he gave you a reassuring smile afterwards

- you also had to play some games with Wooyoungs brother, but you didn’t mind at all

- after dinner you had to catch the next train, so you said goodbye to his family

- while his brother hugged you and sneaked his phone number into your pocket, Wooyoung parents prepared some food for both of you to take home

- then his parents also hugged you and his mother whispered ,,thank you for making my son so happy“

- and because nobody else heard it, they didn’t get why you were smiling like an idiot

- ,,Visit us any time.“

- you left and Wooyoung actually felt the happiest he ever was knowing how his family adored you and seeing his favorite people get along

- and of nowhere he pulled you in a kiss and left you with a puzzled expression

- ,,This was one of my favorite days this year. I think I should meet your parents soon.“

- oh shit

[waejinyoung]

Can’t Swim - EP . 7

word count: 4.3k+

a/n: hehe, hate me all you want but i’ve been having so much fun with this series. i hope the same goes for you guys. i haven’t heard much from you guys feedback-wise so i hope it’s because the content im putting out is fun to read. enjoy!

warnings: swearing, a lil saucy at the end, pretty much it

EP . 1 , EP . 2 , EP . 3 , EP . 4 , EP . 5 , EP . 6 , EP . 7 , EP . 8

Was this doctor joking? How could there be good news next to this sort of bad news?

Tuesday Morning 

“Doc, what good news do you have?”

“… for 2 months.” The doctor finished her sentence.

You let out all the air you had held since the doctor had announced that Jinyoung wouldn’t be able to sing. You held your heart and felt a little lightheaded and crashed back onto the bed. She did you dirty.

“Miss, are you okay?” The doctor dropped Jinyoung’s records to aside and rushed to you. 

Your heart rate skyrocketed before the doctor mentioned that he won’t be able to sing momentarily rather than permanently.

“I’m fine. Maybe finish your sentence quicker. I thought it was permanent that he won’t be able to sing until you mentioned 2 months.”

“I apologise Miss. Here’s a glass of water.” The doctor gave you a glass of water and you turned your attention back on to Jinyoung. He had also left a sigh of relief.

“D-doc. Until then what will happen?”

“Routine scans to check your recovery rate. Our recommendations now are to speak as less as possible, in a couple weeks time we’ll have you back on food and liquids.”

You smiled hearing that they’ll be a happy ending at the end of the dark corridor. You looked at Jinyoung with glee but remembered you had to change for work.

“I’ll celebrate in a second. I need to get changed!” You legged it to the bathroom to change and the doctor and Jinyoung let out a chuckle because of your obvious excitement towards the good news.

THIRD PERSON POV

“Your girlfriend is so supportive.” The doctor commented after Y/N had entered the bathroom.

“G-girlfriend?” Jinyoung sat upright in his bed.

“Oh, I apologise Mr Park. I just thought Miss was someone of that status. Sorry for assuming.”

“It’s fine, Doc. You’re c-close anyways. Soon-to-be girlfriend I-I hope.”

“Ahhh,” The doctor chuckled, “I hope she accepts.”

“Me t-too.”

Y/N’S POV

You looked at yourself in the mirror. Hair out from your twisted bun, lovely curls were achieved. You straightened your cropped cream blazer and fixed your lace top on the inside. You tightened you waist belt and then realised your heels were outside. Brushed your teeth with your belongings Mona brought in and then you were out.

“Me t-too.”

Jinyoung and the doctor looked at you as you were out.

“What?” They both looked at you without saying a word a bit too long.

“You l-look…”

Jinyoung started.

“… Like a mess. I know” You placed your feet in your black stilettos and looked back at the both of them and they were still staring.

“Now what?”

“Miss. You look really classy and elegant… if that’s your definition of a mess.”

“Good one, d-doc. You l-look great Y/N.”

“Hmph… Thank you for your compliments. I need to get to work as you can see I’m already running late. Doc, he’s all yours. Well, not all but you get what I mean. Jinyoung,“ You checked phone to see if Mark had replied to your morning message and he had, “Mark will be here in 10 minutes. I’ll be back in the afternoon. Anything you want that I can bring-“

“Pause. My b-brain doesn’t register that quick.”

“Mark will be here soon. I’ll be back in the afternoon. That’s all you need to know.” You said much slower.

“Great.”

“Ring me if anything happens. Same goes for you, doctor. Bye~” You rushed out the room smiling and went to the garage of the hospital. Like Mona had said, your car was parked near the exit and you were off to work.

JINYOUNG’S POV

“Great acting, doctor. She absolutely fell for it.”

“I must say Mr Park, your acting skills are much better than I expected. I almost believed your acting too.”

You both chuckled.You knew how much Y/N cared for you, so you took it to your advantage. The strangling and Max situation is all true. Although, those test results? Absolute bullshit. You were actually not that badly damaged. 2 months seemed like a reasonable time for you and Y/N to become close and then finally ask her out properly. You weren’t sure if you could last that long, but you were sure it wasn’t going to take any longer.

“I even thought I had really bad damage done to my throat.”

“Just some minor bruises Mr Park, I can assure you. Your eye will be fine in a one weeks time too. Ready to ask Miss out.”

“Thanks doc.”

“It’s my pleasure Mr Park. I’ll be off for my morning rounds. I’ll be back to check later.” With that the doctor left and you were left waiting for Mark.

Y/N’S POV

You were driving and decided to switch the radio on to catch up with the world. To your surprise, a story familiar to you was being voiced so you turned up the volume. The report was as follows...

“GOT7’s Jinyoung suffered from a vicious attack yesterday in Jinhae’s well-known leisure centre. The suspect allegedly strangled Park Jinyoung until he had passed out. Park Jinyoung has now been hospitalised. We are waiting for further notice from JYP Entertainment about Jinyoung’s current condition. The suspect is now being kept in custody as officers continue with their investigation. It’s been speculated that the attack was triggered by the news published yesterday about GOT7’s Jinyoung and his potential new girlfriend. We’ll be back with more news once we are informed.”

Max.. held in custody? The guy who helped you through such hard times has now ended up in the hands of authority for violence. It was only 2 weeks ago where he would have been the closest guy friend to you and now he’s one of the furthest. How pathetic.

You arrived at the company entrance only to see paparazzi yet again. You wasn’t going to adjust your lifestyle to them; You were going to hold your head high. They all realised the arrival of your car and started to surround it like moths to a light. You waited for your company’s security guards to come near your door and opened it for you whilst creating a safety bubble. It was about a 15 second walk up the stairs and then threw the doors. That’s it.

“Miss, whenever you’re ready.” One of the guards told you. You gave them all a nod and started to walk. The questions came streaming through.

“Was the female at the beach you?”

“What response do you have for all the dating rumours?”

“Is it true that you were handling both Mr Park and the suspect at the same time?”

Dating both at the same time? These people are outrageous. These allegations were much worse than you expected.

“We are halfway there Miss.”

“Are you with Mr Park for his money?”

Money?

“Some fans are blaming you for the situation, what are your thoughts?” (ahgases are not like this but this is for the soul purpose of the series x)

That was the end of the bombarding questions. You guys had made it to the building and the guards let you through to safety whilst they blocked off the paparazzi. You looked back and gave them a thumbs up whilst they put up with the paparazzi. You turned around to see Beck looking at your distress after the swarming of strangers.

“Good morning to you too Beck. Now can you stop with the staring?” You waved your hand in front of his face. He shook his self back to reality.

“Y/N. What is going on?” You realised his stern and agitated face. He was expecting an explanation as he should.

“Damn. Not even a morning greeting. Fine, I’ll explain in my room.”

You guys took the elevator to your office. Beck sat down and was waiting in urgency for your explanation.

“Where do you want me to start?” Which bit was he the most curious about?

“Why did you need to leave from the meeting?”

“Jinyoung, the actor from the news, he was strangled by Max at the leisure centre after the lesson had ended.”

Beck’s face dropped after hearing about what Max had done.

“I was hoping the radio was lying. I guess not.”

He was feeling a sense of disappoint in Max. Beck knew of Max, but you wouldn’t regard them as friends. Beck just assumed people you were friends with had some sort of value. Max was an anomaly, as he described it.

“I wish it wasn’t true too. I didn’t get to see him at the hospital. Apparently he only had some minor scratches and once sorted out he was taken by officers.” You gave a sigh, sick and tired of things not going well.

“Here’s some good news, to make you a little happier,” Your face lit up immediately as soon as you heard the words ‘good news’ come out of Beck’s mouth, “The dinner with Mr Chan went really well. He was a little gutted to not have you there, but I think I did a good job making up for it. He’s a really chill person considering his age and status in the world. He does want to have another dinner but with you this time so make sure to give him a ring when he’s back in the country.”

“I most definitely will. That’s so good to hear. At least something went well yesterday.” As soon as you finished your sentence, you were getting a FaceTime call from your mother.

“I’ll leave you to it. Once you’re done with your call can you come to my office?”

“Will do. This shouldn’t take long anyways; It’s mum.”

Beck left you to have your call and headed to his office across yours. You then accepted the FaceTime call.

“Hi mum! Isn’t it really late there for you to be calling me?” 

There was a large time difference between you and your hometown, so it was weird to be getting a call from her right now.

“Y/N darling, please tell me that the news isn’t true.” You gulped.

Your mum picked up on the silence which meant that it wasn’t a lie.

“Mum, it’s true. Although the news will be taken down soon.” You hoped anyways. You waited for her reaction.

“Since when did my daughter go kissing men in the middle of the night on a beach. Those photographs are atrocious Y/N. Did you forget you have a family back home who faces relatives every day?”

“Mum I’m highly aware but this isn’t a fling. I don’t go kissing guys on a daily basis. His agency is working on taking down the news as soon as possible. Could you be happy that I’ve found a guy that I can trust in? Forget about what others think. Isn’t this what you always wanted? For me to settle with someone that I-“

“Love? If you’re about to say the word love…”

“I think I am mum. He’s exactly what I’ve ever wanted. The only down factor is that I’ve only known him for 2 weeks but I’m not planning on progressing quickly. That kiss solidified so much, it’s not just a kiss for me. It meant so much and I’m 100% sure it meant a lot for him too.”

“Y/N!! You should have said this earlier. My girl has found herself a man. It looks like you’re at work. We’ll talk about this later. About you and my soon-to-be son-in-law, bye!” 

She abruptly ended the call and left you gobsmacked. Wasn’t she slewing you off a second ago and now she’s excited about her potential son-in-law? Sometimes even you couldn’t understand women.

“Welp… I guess time to go to Beck’s office.” You spoke out loud.

JINYOUNG’S POV – HOSPITAL

“Mark hyung… You fell for it as well.” You started laughing your ass off.

“Jinyoung, I swear to god. Once you’re out you better run from me and most likely Y/N. You and doc played us to get Y/N worried sick all for a surprise. Do you know how distraught she was? You’re mean man Park Jinyoung.”

“I know hyung. Please don’t remind me. When she came into the room and broke down I struggled to contained myself. I felt so bad. But I’m going to make it up to her. I also got some time off work.” You smiled and winked at Mark.

“You sneak. You’re lucky you actually mean a lot to me or I would have snitched.” You blew Mark a cheesy kiss just to annoy him a little more.

“Please, nothing cringey. Do you have anything planned?”

“In a months time I want to take her out and ask her the second big question. I’ve been thinking about going out and doing an activity. Do you have any suggestions?” Mark always liked doing activities and sports, so he was the best person to ask.

“I’m sure she would like any water sport. You on the other hand. We can’t risk a drowning so let’s stay away from water. Why don’t you guys go horse riding? Its nearly the end of cherry blossom season but the field just out of town is still full of them. It would be perfect.” This is exactly why you ask Mark for ideas.

“You never disappoint Mark hyung. I’ll give that a go but erm… where do we get the horses?” Mark gave you a grin knowing he had the solution to your problem.

“I have a friend who works on a farm. I’m sure if I beg a little she’ll be up for lending two horses.” You clapped due to Mark’s surprises.

“You’re amazing Mark hyung. Don’t know what I would do without you. I’ll let you know when I’ll need them so you can sort it out. Until then, I want to get to know Y/N more. It has just been the handful of occasions we’ve seen each other so this month I want to know everything about her.”

“She’s not a subject Jinyoung. You won’t be having an end of topic test on her in a months time, chill out.” You both chuckled at Mark’s comment on a typical Jinyoung move.

“I know, I know. You understand what I mean though. There’s so much I want to know about her.”

“Alright love boy. Focus on getting better asap so you can fulfil what you’re planning on.”

“Will do.”

With you revealing to Mark about the real truth behind your recovery, you guys talked about what you had missed at the company plus what happened at the centre. All the legal actions being taken place now with Max and the news about you and Y/N. Your whole day was spent with Mark who had gotten the day off. He also went to get Milo to help with the recovery. Soon later the clock was showing afternoon hours and you were hoping Y/N would walk through the door any second.

TUESDAY AFTERNOON

“She’ll come soon Jinyoung. Now can you give me and Milo the same attention you’ve been giving the door for the past 10 minutes.” You moved your gaze from the door to Mark and registered what he said.

“Sorry, hyung. I just want to see her. Ask her how her day went, what she did today and so on.” Mark was grinning at Jinyoung’s in love state. It was nice for him, seeing his younger member finding someone who he thought completed him.

“She’ll be here soon don’t worry- “ And right at that moment the door opened to reveal Y/N with paperwork and what you guessed was food in a bag.

“Hi Mark. Who’s this?” She gestured at Milo.

“This is Milo. Milo, this is Y/N.” Y/N knelt down and gave Milo loving kisses and a rub on the tummy. Your heart won’t be able to contain any longer the overload of cuteness the two excreted.

“Another male from the club. Have you looked after Jinyoung for me whilst I was gone?” She cooed at Milo as if the puppy could give her a reply. You were sure your heart was about to leap out of place.

“W-what’s in the b-bag?” Mark whipped his head round towards you since you were back to acting badly injured duties. He couldn’t help but let out a helpless smile.

“I figured Mark wouldn’t have had a proper meal yet, so I brought a late lunch/early dinner over. You on the other hand. Bon appetite to your syringe meal.” Mark laughed at Y/N’s comment and you gave her an annoyed gaze hoping she’d get the idea.

“Mean.”

You weren’t going to sulk now. Not when Mark was here.

“Thanks Y/N. I’ll eat here and part to meet with the rest. Won’t you be eating?”

“I haven’t had much the appetite lately but don’t mind me, enjoy the food.” Mark gave you a gaze knowing Y/N’s loss of appetite was mostly likely related to you being in hospital. You felt bad but you were going to make it up to her.

“You bought steak! I love steak. Cough it up, who told you.” She smiled as if she knew he would be happy.

“I have my ways.” She brushed her shoulders.

“I need to learn your ways. Thanks for the food. Bon appetite Jinyoung!” He held up a piece of steak and cheers with the syringe tube that was feeding you.

“Y-you’re actually pathetic Mark hyung.” Y/N let out a laugh and Mark choked on his steak laughing at your comment. Milo had taken his place lying on Y/N’s feet slowly falling asleep. She realised the puppy’s position and gathered him onto her lap so he could fall asleep in a comfier place. You just looked at her in awe at her loving character.

“H-how was your day?” She focussed back on you and gave you a smile.“Busy as usual. Sending out documents to third party teams for the eco hotel. Held a company meeting. Got an invite for an architecture festival award thing that’ll be taking place in 2 weeks times, debating on whether or not I should go.”

“That sounds like really good news. Why wouldn’t you want to go?” Mark questioned.

Y/N let out a self-conscious chuckle and continued, “These awards end up always being a load of guys trying to either have a fling or get my number. It’s a bit disturbing if I’m honest. It has it’s good sides, my shareholder is able to make good connections but when I try to do the same the opposition is more interested in me rather than the work. I tend to just not go.”

“I’ll c-come.” Y/N and Mark looked at your sudden invite to the occasion.

“I’d like to remind you Jinyoung that you won’t be fully recovered until 2 months. This night will be in 2 weeks.”

“Y-Y/N, I’ll be better in 2 weeks. It’s not l-like I’ve b-broken my l-legs. I could still attend.”

“And why would you want to attend?” Mark was grinning at the situation since you were making it extremely obvious that you were jealous.

“Because…” She’s got you on the spot again. She’s good at this.

“Because?” She repeated waiting for you to continue.

She interrupted the silence, “It seems to me you’re jealous. Don’t you think Mark?” She directed to Mark hoping he would agree with her.Mark made only one comment which led her to smile widely.

“You’re making it obvious Park.” He ate another bite of his steak whilst grinning at his self. Mostly because he just sold you out in a second.

“Waaa, Mark hyung. Thanks f-for selling m-me out.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. Let’s say this… If you are definitely well enough in 2 weeks time. Then sure, you can accompany me at the awards. If doc says it’s fine too.”

“T-This is going to b-be fun. An architecture a-awards festival. Will y-you be getting an a-award?” You were curious about how things worked in her field.

“I don’t want to sound vain, but I think our company will be receiving an award. Don’t know about the individual architect awards though. We’ll find out that night.” You couldn’t wait. To get to see other people’s achievements, especially someone’s who you care about so much.

“C-can’t wait.”

“I can’t stand the flirting. Me and Milo are leaving. I’ll continue with the steak later this afternoon. Thank you for the food again Y/N.” Mark waved you both goodbye and left the room whilst you guys laughed at his childish behaviour.

“He can b-be a k-kid sometimes.” Y/N nodded.

“How was today? Did you hold up well?”

You gave her a nod and an okay sign.

“Good, good. I brought over some of my work to do here. I hope that’s fine by you. I might zone out so beware.” She smiled as you waved her okay.

She gathered all the paperwork and her laptop. She took off her heals and slipped on the slippers the hospital had given her and headed into the bathroom to clean up. Soon or later, she came out of the bathroom with her hair held up in a bun with a pen and no makeup on. You were happy that she felt comfortable to show this side of herself to you.

“What will y-you be working on?” She propped back on the bed with her legs crossed and her laptop on her lap.

“I need to get back to some emails. Then send some blueprints to our construction team for the hotel. Send an apology email to the client for the hotel too. Start coming up with ideas for a fruit orchard-“

“Damn. You’re b-busy.” She nodded as her eyes were fixed on her laptop screen.

“Don’t you think y-you should take a b-break, having c-come from w-work.” She lifted her head from her screen and looked at you.

“This is the life of an architect Jinyoung. We are busy from day 1. I had my little break last week. Back to action.”

You gathered that it was going to be hard to get Y/N’s attention when she worked. You were thinking of ways you could get her off her laptop and a sneaky idea came up to mind.

“But I don’t f-feel too well.” She immediately retracted her eyes from her laptop to you and left her laptop to aside.

“Shall I call doc? Or a nurse?” She was close to hitting the notifying buzzer, but you got a hold of her wrist before she could. You stared into her eyes, wishing it would last forever. You also noticed the shift in colour of her cheeks.

“What can I do to help?” You pulled her closer to you, so she was now sitting on your bed with her face above yours.

“This.” You closed the gap between the two of you. You didn’t even know where you had gained this sort of confidence from, but you weren’t complaining.  Your lips moulded with hers moving at a slowly pace, enjoying every second of the kiss. Your hand reached behind her neck pulling her closer in order to deepen the kiss. It had been so long since you wanted to do this. You also thought it would be the best way to get her to stop working for a bit. She reciprocated with the same amount of passion and emotion. You could sense how much she also wanted this. You would wanna do more, but your current state and the location was exactly appropriate.You guys parted from each other, both breathless from the passionate kiss.

“You are an absolute dick, Park. How do you think I’ll manage to do my work, now that you have me all…” Her words drifted into a silence and she bit her lip restraining herself from continuing. If she continued on like this, you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself from going in for round 2.

“All what Miss?” You gave her a pair of innocent eyes knowing she was about to say hot and bothered but you wanted to push her to say it.

“You know what I mean?” She tried to loosen her hand out of your grip, but you weren’t going to let her go that easy.

“All what Y/N?” You gave her a stern look almost demanding her to say it. You liked this affect you had on her, let’s see what she was going to do about it.

“You’re a bit overly confident for a man handicapped to a hospital bed, don’t you think?” She fluttered her eyelashes at you and eyed your face. She built up her defences and wasn’t planning on giving in easily to your game either. Competition, ay?

“Imagine how I might be out of this hospital bed then.” Your eyes dropped to her lips for a millisecond only to look back up to make eye contact with her beautiful eyes again. She wasn’t going to continue was she? Surely, you’ve got her on the spot.

“A bit hard to imagine. Gonna have to wait for you to just show me.” She really is something else, you thought to yourself.

---

I’m not teasing this episode. It got a little saucy near the end, I hope you guys liked it! I have so many plans for future episodes, but they are further along after all of what is done. I love the cocky attitude’s both characters are displaying towards each other although I don’t know if I can get into naughty writings, so I apologise. I feel like Mark is a really good big brother figure, so we’ll see a lot of him too. Also, Jinyoung is lying to Y/N but she has no clue. I probably gave some people heart attacks making you guys think Jinyoung won’t be able to sing again EVER. 

I’ll be back soon with another episode! 

writer-nim x

[the-arg0naut]

Mon Ami

ahaha last part bc ill be home for 3 weeks and i wanna do other stuff and im still impatient

~~~~

A year or so later. Patton and Virgil have been happily together for 11 months, 25 days, and 6 hours. Yes, Virgil is keeping track. Because they have a bit of a surprise for them. Now, it won’t be exactly on their anniversary, because the universe isn’t that kind, but it was damn near close and they couldn't complain.

Virgil had had their driver’s license for a little while now (although they weren’t that great at it, as gays usually are) and had been practicing going on long drives; 2 hour long trips to Columbus, or 4 hours to Cincinnati, or 5 hours to Louisville. All in preparation for the 8 hour long drive to Knollville: Patton’s hometown.

Patton had no idea it was coming. The two had discussed a drive over to each other, but Pat was terrified of driving and had honestly forgotten about the conversation. Spring break had arrived and they were planning on just staying home, recharging their introverted batteries, spending time with their plants and candles. They had sent Virgil something for their anniversary, and Virge had said they were sending something back, though they hadn’t said what and it hadn’t arrived yet.

Patton would be lying if they said they weren’t being a little impatient.

Yes, snail mail was slow and everything, but Patton loved getting things from their partner, even if it was just a handwritten letter, because it was real and material and they could hold it. Texting was great, but something they could see and feel and hold was so nice. 

So they waited. Lit a candle. Watered a plant, maybe. Sat on their bed on their phone. They wanted to text Virgil, but they had said they’d be busy all day and couldn’t text, but would let them know the moment they were free.

It was about 5pm, and they were waiting anxiously for Virgil’s text. They would’ve laughed; being anxious and edgy was their thing after all. Patton smiled softly at the thought.

Blip. Thank goodness, they had texted

stormcloud_: hey could you do me a favor dearest

_puppies?_: oh hi! yeah, sure, what’s up?

stormcloud: could you open the front door? it’s a lil cold out here

_puppies?_: what? what do you mean?

stormcloud_: i mean i’m outside your house and illinois has cursed me with 30 fuckin degree weather in gosh darn april

_puppies?_: oh my god im coming

Patton, almost thinking it was a joke because did they really just drive 500 miles to my house, leapt up out of bed and hurried to the door. Sure enough, there was Virgil, in his classic purple jacket, already grinning at Patton. 

Patton, who swore they wouldn’t cry but was already crying, practically jumped into Virgil’s arms. Virgil laughed, nearly falling. “Oh goodness! Hold on, I’m falling!”

“Don’t care.”

“You big sweetheart.”

“Shut up and let me hug you for the first time.”

Virgil giggled and buried their face in Patton’s hair. It was so soft, and they were so warm, and even though it was cold as hell outside, Virgil was warm. They were happy.

[lcngview]

✈️ — ⌜park jimin, cismale, cis male⌟  ↝  have you heard ? it seems like the heir of the HAE was very close to Liam Yu too. they go by ISAAC and they were Liam's MUSE. their network is of 87M and they’re only TWENTY FOUR … what a burden it must be. i heard they can be very ENERGETIC and LIGHT-HEARTED but these last few months, their RESTLESS and EMOTIONAL personality has been showing more. the media is sure having a filled day with them! i hope this road trip with friends will help them. did you know that LATE NIGHTS AT THE DANCE STUDIO, NEW TATTOOS THAT HIS PARENTS CAN’T SEE,  A GRILLED CHEESE WITH TRUFFLE OIL AND HANGING OUT WITH THE FAMILY DOG DURING DINNER PARTIES really show their true persona ? maybe Liam was the only one who knew that.

hello my darlings!! i’m lis and this is my cinnamon roll isaac. he’s a old muse of mine that i’ve decided to repurpose so there’s still some random holes in his backstory i still have to figure out so pls excuse me. i’m kind of a hot mess all the time honestly but ily all already and im v excited to start writing with you! you can find me on discord ( *𝙡𝙞𝙨.#2158 ) or we can just chat on tumblr <3

oh also you can find isaac’s pinterest here! its not totally finished but u know.

basics.

name: isaac hae gender: cis male. age: twenty-four ( 24 ) sexuality: homosexual. birthday: december 14th. zodiac: sagittarius hometown: new york, ny.

physical.

faceclaim: park jimin. hair: naturally black, currently dyed and styled like this. eyes: brown. build: despite his small stature he has an athletic build with strong legs from dancing.

tattoos: [he has a few artsy ones mostly on his back and ribs where his parents can’t see them but i'm too lazy to list them rn, i’ll get to it eventually jfkjsbjk] height: 5′7″

languages: english, korean

+ traits: energetic, light-hearted - traits:  restless, emotional

--------

bio.

↳ isaac hae was born and raised in new york ctiy as the only child to two real estate developers turned luxury hotel owners in december 1996.

↳ his parents weren’t around much when he was growing up so he was raised mostly by the families butler Simon; as a result, isaac isn’t really all that close to his parents. to this day, despite having lived on his own for the past 6 years he still makes it a point to go to the family estate to see Simon when he can.

↳ isaac was around five when his parents began enrolling him in various afterschool activities; soccer, piano, tennis, archery, but he knew he had no interest in doing any of those things. he wanted to dance. after a few months of begging his mother gave in and enrolled him in a contemporary dance school. while his father was never silent about his dislike for his only son being interested in dance isaac never really cared, he barely saw his dad anyways.

↳ it didn’t take long after he started dancing for his teacher to notice his natural talent and isaac quickly became the most skilled dancer in his year, the competition trophies and metals quickly filling up the bookshelf in his bedroom.

↳ when isaac was around twelve his mom was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer almost out of the blue. this dropped a bomb on his relatively normal life up until that point. the next nine months were spent in and out of hospitals as his mom got treatment from the best doctors in the world. despite the fact that he was never all that close to her the fact that she was sick and not getting better made him rethink their relationship, she was his mom after all. 

↳ after his mom passed isaac spent the next few years throwing himself into dance more than usual while the relationship with his father quickly deteriorated. the only time his father made it a point to talk to his son was to ask about school and how the college search was going, only interested in the future reputation of the company his son would take over. 

↳ isaac eventually graduated high school and ran off to college, wanting to escape being under his father's thumb as quickly as possible. this was where he met liam. the older boy had wandered into the dance studio one day while isaac practiced for an upcoming showcase asking if he could watch and while he was confused at first he eventually agreed. 

↳ the first few times all liam did was sit in the corner and watch isaac while he practiced, only asking a few questions but not really speaking much beyond a greeting and saying goodbye. by the third or fourth time liam showed up at the studio he didn’t come empty-handed like normal, instead he had a sketchbook which he had immediately opened once isaac started dancing.

↳ it wasn’t until a few weeks had passed that isaac learned what liam had been doing, why he had continued coming to the studio even after that first time and was now sketching him. he had been painting isaac... and not just once either. after some coaxing liam eventually showed isaac the paintings.

↳ it was from that point on that liam and isaac developed an interesting relationship, anytime the older boy was feeling particularly uninspired he would come watch the younger one dance. isaac wasn’t totally sure what it was about his dancing that inspired liam but he didn’t ask, genuinely enjoying the company as he was usually alone in the studio at night. eventually the two became actual friends, keeping in touch even after liam had graduated. 

↳ the next few years isaac spent dancing and working towards his business degree (to appease his father and the board of directors) before eventually graduating and moving into one of the penthouse apartments owned by his father's company in downtown new york city. 

↳ despite being in the same city as liam (most of the time), with their crazy schedules it was difficult to see each other as often as either one of them would have liked. but liam still made a point to come to the studio to watch him dance when he had time. 

↳ currently isaac works for his dad and dances at a nearby studio whenever he’s not at work. 

tldr; isaac is just a dancing cinnamon with some parental issues spurring from his moms death and father just not being around. 

------

personality.

isaac can be a sassy little shit when he wants to be, typically always joking around and always in a good mood. it’s very rare to see this boy have an off day. despite this isaac has the most insane worth ethic which is why he is either practicing at the studio or working, rarely letting himself have any sort of off time (he prefers it this way tbh). at the end of the day isaac is really just a giant ball of sunshine wrapped up in a cinnamon roll. all he wants is to be your friend and make sure you feel loved. (he doesn’t always save a lot of that love for himself though asfjhg)

-------

headcanons.

↳ third generation korean-american, his grandparents moved to the states in the early 1960′s.

↳ despite being comfortable with his sexuality he hasn’t totally come out of the closet to his family and doesn’t see that happening anytime soon. outside of his friends, he tries to keep his sexual preferences on the down-low, not wanting the media to get wind of it. 

↳ is NOT a morning person, never was and probably never will be. the only time isaac doesn’t have his sunshine personality on full display is in the first couple hours after he wakes up so he makes it a point to avoid everyone until he feels more like himself.

↳ isaac is absolutely terrible about his phone. it’s always dead or broken (despite being able to buy a brand new one) and he almost prefers it that way. this boy always has at least 17 unread texts and 9 missed calls at all times. if you are trying to get in contact with him it’s best to just give up.

↳ while in college he did his best to keep his family's wealth a secret, not wanting people to look at him differently just because he had a large trust fund waiting for him. 

↳ it wasn’t until a couple years ago that isaac realized he had a crush on liam and it scared the crap out of him. almost immediately after he came to the realization he knew liam could never find out and shoved the feelings deep down. isaac valued their friendship too much to ruin it but now kind of regrets not saying anything now.

↳ the duality this boy possesses is almost comical. day to day he is just isaac, the ball of sunshine and happiness most people know him to be but the moment he steps into that dance studio he turns into a different person. he becomes the type of person you probably wouldn’t want to bring home to your parents. isaac can turn this side of him on and off like a switch though most of the time he doesn’t realize that he is even doing it in the first place.

[lisam1975]

It’s been a long time since I have posted on this. Let’s see what’s happened:

1. I was shunned for 26 weeks at work. I did find another job. Put my notice in to have it denied. They begged me to stay and said things would get better. I decided to stay. Things are not the same and I honestly regret staying. So I am actively looking but keeping it quiet. I have no respect for the people I work with.

2. I almost left my husband for lying to me about excluding me from another milestone of my step kids lives. I’ve made it perfectly clear what I will and will not tolerate anymore. I’ve put my foot down twice now since. Basically gave him two options. No more putting me below others. I am his wife, no one including his family, friends or ex wife is above me.

3. I have stopped taking my depression and anxiety medication. Now I know what I did was probably wrong because I did it without consent from my doctor. But I am tired of fake happiness and fake strength. It’s been a couple of months and I have been good.

4. My mother in law and I are working on our relationship. Her moving out of her daughters house has helped a lot. I hope we can build a better relationship and keep it. If not then there is nothing I can do. I at least tried.

5. I am working on losing the weight that I gained from being depressed (before I stopped taking the pills). I’m hoping I succeed.

6. My relationship with my husband is better than it has been in several years. I’m actually thinking about renewing our vows. A way to “start over”.

7. My daughter is back in my life after being out of it for over a year. She came over in October to our new house. Brought over her new boyfriend who is so awesome. He’s completely different from any other shes been with. And bonus... he’s got a baby. Love this kid so much. I feel so blessed that them two are in our family.

8. We are making plans to take our first family vacation ever. We are talking about going to my hometown so the kids can experience where I came from. I am super excited about that.

9. I stood up for myself and lost several friends. But I guess they weren’t friends if they didn’t support me. Their loss not mine. I need true friends in my life not fakes.

10. I am quitting as a Girl Scout leader and going to focus on my photography. I am looking into taking some online courses to just help it. I have decided to focus on weddings, but still do other types as well.

11. Someone who has been in my life for 11 years, I have removed. This person tested my patience and made me question the human race several times. Someone who made my family struggle while hers lived a great life. Who no matter how well she had it, she couldn’t let us be happy. She competed with us on everything, told lies to make herself look good but ruined our reputations, who felt she was entitled to more and was in control of everything, who refused to work together as a team, who views me as a threat, who never thought about others but herself, who is selfish, and so much more. I tried for years to get her to see all I wanted was to be a party of a family not replace her. All I wanted to do was give love. Tried to show her I wasn’t a bad person, tried to work together, I initiated conversations and sat next to her when no one else would. I gave heart felt thank you gifts. I asked for permission on things that I thought would maybe cross a boundary. I even told her that the past problems was not because of her, it’s the others. What they did to her they did to me. I made sure she didn’t live life thinking she was the problem when she wasn’t. What I got was upsetting looks, looks of annoyance, accusations that were not correct, to the point that others have set her straight, I felt like I had defended myself constantly, heard lies from several, seen actions that viewed me as a threat and pure pettiness, and the most hurtful part was being intentionally left out of a big event that I should have been a part of. I’m sure my absence in the whole thing brought pure happiness to her. Im sure it was her way of saying your not family, so your not a part of any of this. I can say that I tried, and I know it’s not me. She’s got some issues and she’s not happy. What she did was not fair to all involved. No matter what I do I will never be able to win her over. So I am no longer trying. I no longer accept her in my life unless absolutely necessary. I will continue to love her family and be the best person I can. If she can’t stand it or has problems then that’s on her, not me. But I will not tolerate being left out of anymore stuff because she’s got issues with me. She’s had 11 years to get over it. I have 5 years and a few months I have to deal with her. 2019 I had hoped to be my best year ever was not even close. It nearly ended me a few times. I will not let 2020 be this way. I am fighting for me and my happiness this year. I will do whatever I can to make this year improve me as a person. 2020 is the start of the new me.

[blackgirlblues]

Being a Black Girl and Finding Love

l o fucking l 

impossible

the last time i posted on this blog i was 18, 3 weeks away from leaving my hometown to pursue music in London and upset because my white friends didn’t understand the basics of cultural appropriation. 

here i am, back almost a whole year later. 

im 19 now, im a singer songwriter living in London, with an amazing group of diverse friends who understand each other and really have eachother’s backs. the last few months have been crazy for me, and i’ve experienced and learned about different parts of myself that i never knew existed because of how suppressed i was in my home environment until i moved. 

one of these things that i never really knew that well about myself, was how much i could feel for one person. 

growing up, i never really had much luck in the guy department. all my friends were white, and pretty, and most of the time i was the only black girl which, automatically, in society’s eyes- made me the ugly friend. it’s a statement that i know will make whoever reads this gasp. how can i call myself the ugly friend just because i’m the only black girl in the group? the same way our white as fuck society upholds euro-centric beauty standards and gives us warped depictions of what beautiful should be. beautiful in our modern day society means skinny, white and with long hair. its 2019, so this is not as rigid as it used to be, but growing up, it didn’t take long for me to realise that i was not what was desired by any of the guys me or other girls had their eyes on. 

not that boys are the be all and end all of life, but we can all agree that as young teenage girls, developing your first crush was a pretty big part of life. and the need to feel desired, and loved, and wanted will always be a big part of the human condition. and this isn’t something i’ve always had the pleasure of experiencing growing up as a young girl the way i watched my other friends have. 

i’ll spare you the long emotional details of childhood trauma when it comes to accepting myself and not letting whether white boys think i’m cute or not decide my value, i’ll just cut straight to what’s been keeping me up at 2am for the past 6 months.

two characteristics. 

capricorn with green eyes.  

i met him randomly at some music networking event and i always think about how weird it was that we somehow met in the first place. i was supposed to have gone home 10 minutes before, picked up an angry call from my dad telling me to go straight home even though he was a whole plane ride away. and my friend - let’s call her ellie, was outraged. “it’s only ten o’ clock you can’t leave”. she sounded stressed, to say the least. so, i didn’t. and 10 minutes later, i bump into him. 

fuck him. 

pretty smile, pretty eyes, pretty face, pretty laugh and he liked lorde and brockhampton. i was doomed from the start quite honestly. 

we exchanged instagrams, he invited me to some event he was putting on and this open mic in shoreditch that he and his friends always went to. and the rest was history that i cant ever seem to properly let go of. 

i started going to this shit every week just to see him, and after a couple months started developing a little crush, which after an invitation to some house parties, 2am voice memo conversations, supposed songs written about me (maybe), lingering looks, and a lot of conversations about astrology spiralled into me having full blown feelings for his pretentious ass. and it’s worse because he was never just a stupid boy. he was everything that i had always asked the universe for. i always said, that if the universe ever decided to send me my first boyfriend, that i wanted him to be educated in social issues, intelligent, motivated. capricorn was this. 

it’s just a shame that he probably didn’t feel the same way. 

i’ve been holding out hope for the longest time that maybe, just maybe, this time, i could finally be the girl that a guy looks at and says “yo, i want her.” the girl that someone looks at and sees something they could love. i wanted to experience the feeling of having someone reciprocate your feelings, and being in a relationship, and learning and growing with eachother. i wanted to have my first kiss and all these other things i dreamt up in my head because that’s what my scorpio ass does best; dreams. 

for once, i wanted to be that girl. the girl that’s desired. and not just desired but desired enough that someone truly starts to pursue me. 

let me cut to the chase and tell you that didn’t happen here. 

i let myself over-analyze, i blamed myself, wondered what i was doing wrong, how i could be “cooler”, if i was “cool enough” to even be with someone like him; that was my first mistake, putting some boy on a pedestal because i was lonely and touch-starved. scorpio ass behaviour. 

i let myself get sad when he wouldn’t text, or when he wouldn’t reply how i wanted. when he wouldn’t give me back the same energy i gave to him. i let myself get angry when i would show up to events to support him and he would dissapear for hours or flirt with other girls. because what the fuck? wasn’t i the one? i’m supposed to be the one. it’s my turn to be the one that somebody wants. why did the universe keep dangling something in front of me that i clearly couldn’t have? 

i thought that when i moved, everything would be different and somehow the stars would align and i would meet a boy that would finally make me “the one”. finally, i would get to experience everything my friends did while i sat on the sidelines and wished i had what they did. 

nah though, that’s not how shit works for girls like me apparently. 

girls like me lead ourselves on, the boys don’t even have to do any work. 

girls like me bask in the smidge of attention our crush gives us because we thrive off of the hope that somehow, maybe, possibly, they could feel the exact same way we have for so long and that eventually everything will come out and it will be a happy ending. 

but what happens when none of that shit goes to plan? 

i uploaded some random track that i was pretty proud of, it wasnt an official release so i wasnt really expecting a wide response. and i had been training myself not to expect anything from capricorn so i wouldn’t get hurt. but i couldn’t help the feeling i got when i realized that he didn’t share my song on instagram - which - i know, petty. but it was really the principle that got to me. 

i’ve been so supportive of this guy for the longest time. i would always ask about his projects, current and upcoming, hype him up over the littlest things but very rarely did he ever even ask me about what i had planned or about my day, anything he posted relating to his music, i would repost. i would message him saying congratulations, or that his song was fire or that he was just doing a really good job. i’d come to his shows and do the same. and he couldn’t even repost a track on his instagram feed? why? too worried about looking cool and professional for his all his lowkey famous edgy hipster friends?

something switched inside me, really, i just got angry. anger is the key for me a lot of the time. and it helped me realize, as much as it fucking hurt, that i wasn’t and would never get the same energy back from capricorn, no matter how hard i tried. no matter how much or how little i posted. regardless of how i analyzed the lyrics of his songs that i thought were about me, or the content of his instagram posts or his messages back. i would never get what i was putting in. and i still don’t know why.

 i don’t know why i never seem to be enough for the ones i truly want. but then did i really want him or the idea of him? regardless, i get neither at the end of the day. and that shit hurts, because this time, i let my hopes get higher and higher. 

and boy is it a long way down.

my minds gone through many phases when it comes to him, but i think im finally at the point where im just accepting the fact that he doesnt want me even though i want him.

so bad.

and maybe its the 3am talking, but i dont think anybody will ever want me in the way i want them. 

one time when i was 15, one of my friends said she couldn’t ever imagine me in a relationship. i cant either. 

maybe i’m unlovable, maybe love and relationships just aren’t supposed to be a thing for someone like me. 

i don’t really know if i believe in love anymore- which i know seems a bit dramatic all because of one guy but please understand its really an accumulation of things over the past few years of my growth. 

nothing the universe has given me or shown me tells me that i could ever find love in any place i look. 

so, i’m just going to stop looking. 

and i’m going to stop hoping, and manifesting, and wishing on 11:11′s, and on stars that i’m too far away to reach. 

and i’m going to stop opening my heart to every person who glances at it and smiles. 

and i’m going to stop giving the best version of myself to boys who wont even give me a quarter of what they are. 

and i’m going to stop thinking like just because i’ve moved countries that things have changed for me. 

and i’m going to accept that love isn’t something that was made for me. 

it never was.

at least now i know for sure. 

[jeongfm-blog]

               hello  everyone  !  my  name’s 𝒍𝒖𝒎𝒂 (  pronouns  they  /  them  )  and  i’m  super  excited  to  be  here  !   it’s  been  a  while  since  my  last  city  rp ,  but  since  it’s  one  of  my  fave  kinds  of  rp ,  i  figured  i  would  give  it  a  whirl  once  again  !   some  boring  facts  about  myself  is  that  i’m  a  sucker  for  golden  hour  despite  not  even  having  an  instagram ,  i  spend  too  much  time  watching  youtube  videos  (  i  recently  got  back  into  watching  my  girl  jenn  im  and  now  i  remember  why  i’m  so  obsessed  with  her  ) ,  and  i  have  books  on  my  shelf  that  i  got  for  christmas  and  haven’t  read  a  single  one  !  i’m  super  excited  to  introduce  you  guys  to  my  pride  and  joy  𝒔𝒐𝒇𝒊𝒂  𝒋𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒈  as  well  as  to  plot  and  interact  with  everyone  !

full name : sofia jeong.

nickname(s): sof and posy by her dad only !

birthday : february 9th, 1997.

zodiac : aquarius.

moral alignment : neutral good.

gender : cisfemale.

pronouns: she/her/hers.

sexual orientation : bisexual.

romantic orientation : biromantic.

height : 5′6″ ( five foot, six inches ).

hometown : ascot, brisbane, australia.

nationality : australian.

ethnicity : korean.

language(s) spoken : english, korean, and conversational portuguese.

occupation : social media influencer.

aesthetics : bright computer screens at two am, a pristine instagram theme, morning dew, perfect lighting, clear lip gloss, glass skin, selfies in small circular mirrors, freshly dyed rose gold hair, oversized tees and denim shorts, soft skin on white sheets, foreign languages, bright early mornings, staring in awe into someone’s eyes, honeyed laughter, music playing in the background, late night drives, early morning hikes, iced coffee on cold mornings, vanilla scented body lotion, the sound of pencil on paper, highlighter gleaming in the sunlight, perfectly styled hair, and soft pink on crisp white shirts.

i. background.

taemin jeong was a freshman at the university of queensland, studying computer science, when he met his future girlfriend grace kim, who was studying architecture. he was awkward and bumbling while she was sociable and graceful ( no pun intended ), but somehow the couple was a perfect match from the moment they met in freshman algebra. they made their friends sick with their love and moved through the challenges of college with one another. 

the summer before their senior year, they moved into their own off-campus apartment. this same summer, grace discovered that she was pregnant with their first and only child, who the couple later named sofia. when the couple graduated, sofia was three months old and featured in a lot of their graduation photos. 

after their graduation, though, things for the couple began to fall apart. while taemin wanted to marry grace and have a family, grace was feeling trapped as she wasn’t expecting to have a child so soon. so, one day when taemin took sofia to visit his parents, grace packed her things and one picture of their daughter before leaving a note for taemin.

to put it lightly, taemin was heartbroken upon discovery that grace was gone, but he couldn’t sulk for long as he had a wide eyed seven month old to care for. so from that point on, taemin focused on his career and sofia. he thankfully had the help of his parents while he worked long hours to save money, but after two years they moved into their forever home.

growing up, sofia’s life was pretty normal, despite the fact that her mom wasn’t around. there were times where things were tight in the one parent household, but for the most part sofia has no complaints about her childhood. much like a lot of people, sofia was a kid who liked filming weird videos with her friends and doing absolutely nothing with them other than leaving them on the computer for her dad to find.

the very first beauty youtuber that sofia ever watched ( like a lot of people ) was michelle phan ! she absolutely fell in love with michelle and began wanting to do her own makeup videos as well. she made a really crappy channel when she was like ... twelve and let’s just say that the video she made was horrific ! like most youtubers, her channel’s name was like like sofiaposybeauty60 or something ugly like that.

a few years later, when she was about fifteen, sofia tried her hand at youtube once again. this time she made a twitter and instagram to correspond with it, hoping that she could build something of a platform. her videos were of terrible quality and her makeup was probably really bad, but she did it anyways. she’d post her makeup looks on instagram and when that grew, so did her channel.

skipping along because i talk too damn much, now at twenty two, sofia has five million subscribers on youtube and 1.6 million followers on her instagram. if i were to compare her to an actual youtuber, i’d say she’s a mix between jenn im and sophia chang. she’s very much into staying in her own lane and her videos are pretty ~aesthetic and chill. she has her own online clothing store as well called ( something, idk yet ).

anyways, sofia made the move to barcelona from brisbane about a year and a half ago because she wanted a change of scenery. she came to barcelona previously on a trip with some girlfriends and after a while of planning, she made the move ! she currently lives in a cozy little apartment with her eight month old goldendoodle named rockie !

ii. appearance.

sofia’s appearance is pretty much canon to rosé’s ! her hair is currently strawberry blonde and is always a variety of such. she likes to change her hair color every so often, but this is the one that’s been around for a while. sofia hasn’t had dark hair since she was about thirteen years old, which is when she first dyed her hair from black to brown. since then, she slowly began to lighten it to where it is now.

when it comes to her sense of style, it’s very much inspired by model off duty. it includes a lot of denim, a lot of black, ankle boots, and sneakers. she’s a big fan of tote bags and is usually always seen with one ( since she’s always carrying around a camera, her laptop, and other little things ). it’s no surprise that she has a container in her closet full of them, but she of course, has her more luxury ones in her collection as well.

for the most part though, when she’s just lounging around her apartment, sofia is super casual. it’s fuzzy socks. it’s oversized tees that swallow her physique. there’s no makeup on her face. she has on her glasses and her hair is piled onto her head in the messiest of messy buns. she’s a huge fan of jewelry though and is hardly ever seen without rings on her fingers and her favorite necklace around her neck.

iii. personality.

vociferous, precisian, and beguiling : when it comes to her positive traits, most of it entails from her career on social media. prior to being on youtube, sofia was more on the quiet side and kept to herself, but since then especially with doing vlogs, she’s more comfortable being the one to start a conversation. she’s a big perfectionist, also stemming from her career, but it’s trickled into behind the camera as well. she doesn’t like to half ass anything, no matter what it may be. and finally, sofia is as charming as ever. she can charm the pants off of anything with a little eye glimmer and a hair flip, she’s got them in the bag.

advantageous, negligible, and censorious : as for her negative traits, sofia is advantageous in regard that she knows how to work people into believing that she’s the best choice for them. it’s how she’s gotten most of her sponsorships -- sometimes her manager jokes with her that she doesn’t really need him. sofia is super petty as well, which is actually bad -- she’s the girl who doesn’t let ignorant comments slip on her instagram or twitter, but sometimes all it does is get her into trouble with her public relations team. finally, sofia can be critical of people at times, even if she doesn’t mean it in a malicious way. maybe it stems from being analyzed constantly herself, but she can sometimes immediately regret it after it’s been said unless it’s someone that she doesn’t get along with.

iv. wanted plots.

i’ll have a wanted connections page up every soon with a couple of detailed plots that i’d like to have, but i’m always down for ( but not limited to ) enemies with benefits, ex friends, best friends, flirtationship, failed relationship, best friends, squad, almost relationship, good/bad influence, family friends, someone who appears on her channel, slow burn ( !!! ), workout buddies, neighbors, confidants, and above all else, chemistry !  

[joshuarickabogado-blog]

Witness the Alangalang Hidden Secret

                                     Alangalang, Leyte Philippines

As proud Alangalangon, let me showcase to you the hidden secret of my hometown, the place where i conceived, where i first see the beauty of the world, where  i grown up and becomes who i am today. As an Alangalanganon, it makes me proud that we are known because of our classic delicacies that suit to the preferences of today's generation,  the beautiful and instagrammable rivers and places to visit. Additionally, if you are fond of shopping we also has a mall to offer.

To know more about my beloved hometown, let us first know the history behind Alangalang, Leyte.

  History of Alangalang, Leyte

Lingganay is term familiar with cebuano or hiligaynon speaking people. but in many places, this is called “Campana”. 

This church bells, played an important role in our identity, this serves as the instrument in communicating with our Alangalanganon. during those times of moro raids, coastal settlements in different part of the country, rang their bells, prompting its settlers to flee for safety in the hinterland. when the Moro flee in Leyte, they raided various towns including Alangalang. Intentionally came here in our town when they heard about tale of an extraordinary golden bell that can resonate a sound so strong that will be heard miles away. 

one time, Moro pirates caught the people guarded the golden bell and then when they notice it they fled hastily with the bell. as they were closing the Bagka river they saw the Moro pirates following them. So, rather than surrendering the treasured bell of our town, they decided to dropped it into the deepest part of the river. 

after the Moro pirates had been driven away, the people tried to get back the bell. until now, people of Alangalang remains hopeful that someday, they will get it and back it lively sound.  

                                    Beautiful Spots to visit

The Most Holy Trinity Parish

If your searching for  serenity and peace, which is good for meditation and prayer i suggest to visit our parish, the Most Holy Trinity Parish.

Our parish is located in Brgy. San Antonio Poblacion near town plaza. One thing that  makes our church peculiar to others is that its structure is a cross- like shape. You will appreciate this at the top view of it. To be honest, i didn't notice this before until i notice it in our calendar that has a image of our church. This is a place were you can express your true self by voicing out all your problems as well as your achievements to Him.  

Inside the church you will see six saints that has an important contribution in spreading the gospel of the Lord centered by the golden tabernacle.

In the upper corners of the church walls, you will see the 14 station of cross that signifies the suffering of Jesus up to its resurrection.

If you wants to light candles and offer a prayer to God, you can visit the adoration chapel found inside the church ground. From this moment, i remember the days that my friends are  i  light candles and have some prayers altogether. How i wish to be back in this memorable moment of my life.

Municipality of Alangalang, Leyte

Our municipal hall is located at Real Street Brgy. St. Nino. The structure at the center is quiet old, but  the others were new. Inside the municipal , specifically in the area along Mayor's office you will see the different mayors of my town.

Outside the municipal hall, there's a monument of Dr. Jose Rizal erected which represents that Alangalangaon gives respect to our national hero and cherish all the sacrifices done by him.

Town Plaza

The plaza is located nearby the Most Holy Trinity Parish. This place has an especial part in every lives of Alangalanganon. It witness how people of Alangalang develop and grown up, even in times of ups and downs. That's why if you feel tired, dark and weary or even stress with your works in school or in workplaces try visit Alangalang town plaza and enjoy. There are many things you can enjoy like seesaws, money bar, slides and swings and experience childhood again. There are always people staying here with their friends and boyfriend/girlfriend especially high school students  to chill out and enjoy after the stressful works in school. If you feel hungry, don’t worry about it because their's a lot of street foods procurable within the plaza like kwek kwek, isaw, buko juice, fishball, lomi, barbeque and balot.

Briss River

This river is located at Brgy. Hubang Alangalang, Leyte. There are always visitors coming here every vacation like the last summer, there are a lot of visitant came here just to visit the cold fresh greenly water and its pure sand. Other says that this is a  Boracay version of our locality. I am proud to say that this is located where i am currently living, actually i grown up here. We, my childhood friends, my cousins  and i  always swim here when we were a child but sadly now that we are young adult already, we just go there to wash clothes. But, i am happy that there are always people visiting our very own briss river. Now, that semestral break is approaching i'm so excited to swim here.

Delicacies of Alangalang, Leyte

Filipino loves eating. We likes to eat a variety of food. It became part of our lives. Indeed, our day will not be completed without these exquisite Filipino food. But, sometimes food becomes boring as we prevalently consume it. Thus, sometimes we should try something that's not we usually eat. Let's try to have a taste of various foods meticulously prepared by our locals of each provinces that are all comfy in taste.

Do you feel the boredom of the foods present in your locality? Do feel discontented with things offered to you by your place? Wanna try a new place where you can cultivate freshly experience you haven't  gone through before? Why not try Alangalang, Leyte and be a CPA?

If you were in Leyte specifically in eastern part or anywhere in the country, try to visit Alangalang, Leyte. My very own town, Alangalang, Leyte have a lot to offer. Alanglang boasts their own kakanin that symbolizes  the richness and and closeness of my beloved town- Alanglang, Leyte.

Whether you're  craving for something with coconut milk or with rice flour, coconut meat, bananas or even root crops, Alangalang has it all for you. Listed below are the most popular native delicacies of my town you should crave for, make sure to have a bite of these before you leave Alangalang, Leyte.

Puto

This is a  round cupcakes like kakanin made from rice flour mixed with coconut milk and sugar. They are steamed for almost an hour and topped with sliced cheese. This kakanin is usually sells during market day also known as "tabo". This is usually packed containing 6  pieces for only Php 5. Actually, why i like this delicacy is not just its affordable price but the taste itself. You can savor  the aromatic fragrance of a vanilla syrup and the "anis" which gives additional flavor of this kakanin. During tabo day I also asked my mom to buy this whenever she is going to the market. Another thing you shouldn't miss about this is that puto is best paired with the classic Dinuguan. If you want try this classic puto. You can visit Alangalang Public Market, specifically during Tuesday and Friday (Tabo Day).

 Kutsinta

It is similarly with puto, the differences only is its texture and color. Kutsinta is a brown cupcake like kakanin that can be seen also alongside with the puto vendor but usually they are present in the same stall. This kakanin are made from flour, sugar, annatto powder and lye water. It's best to eat with grated coconut that gives additional flavor of milkiness to the kakanin. Same with puto it is sold 6 pieces for Php 5 as well. Before, way back 2018, their is someone who sell this kakanin in our barangay through his pedicab. What i like to his kakanin is you can buy it by means of rice, 1 canned of rice ( salmon in our dialect) is equivalent to 10 pieces of kutsinta. Sadly, i didn't see him anymore, maybe he have another route to sell his gelatin-like kutsinta. But, if i saw him again i will surely by a lot.

Biko

Biko is basically rice cakes topped with latik. Latik is a crunchy and sweet stuff made  from caramelized coconut milk and sugar. This kakanin is rarely seen in the market because it is usually not for sale. Biko is quiet big on birthday, fiesta, christmas and even new year as they are served as dessert. This kakanin is usually seen after harvesting period of rice.  A slice of biko would surely go well with a cup of coffee or perhaps tea. Its great to eat at any time of the day. However, too much eating of this delicacies may lead to inappetence. That's why if you want to eat biko make sure that you can consummate all you have served. In addition, this month of October is a period of  harvesting rice. Thus, we are fortunate because we can have a taste this seasonal kakanin. Be sure that you will try this before the stock last.

Turon

Turon is delicacy made from ripe banana called "saba" dipped in caramelized sugar and rolled in a spring roll wrapper then fried. Saba banana is in medium size yet chubbier compare with other bananas This snack taste sweet, crunchy and satisfying. I know guys that we're all familiar with this because we typically made it at home because we have a lot of bananas here in Alangalang, Leyte. This kakanin is mostly patronized by students. I can proved it because im one of them. During my senior high school days, after our classes my friends and i usually go to the stalls behind Jollibee selling turon, banana cue, and kamote cue to buy some. Also, before we go to Church to pray we often passed by to that stalls because this where found near the church. Why is that this snack is being loved by students, simply because its very affordable, you can taste this as low as Php 5 only. I am not shock if students opt to buy this. Eating this is best when you were with your friends.

Sarongsong

If you were not contented with the puto and biko. If you were craving for more rice-made delicacies, Alangalang has one more to offer. What is it? It' s sarongsong. This delicacy is similarly with puto, both were made of powdered- milled glutinous rice cooked in coconut milk and brown sugar over a steamer. Unlike puto, sarongsong uses banana leaf shaped into a cone. Consequently, the banana leaf gives an additional aroma to the kakanin. In my family tradition, we usually make this in a special celebration like Christmas and new year. Also, when someone of our relatives is going to Manila. Thus, i am so excited for Christmas and taste my Lola's special sarongsong.

And now you already know the hidden secret of my beloved hometown, what are you waiting for visit Alangalang, Leyte with your friends or even with your girlfriend/ boyfriend and have a momentous time with one another.

[sisterwifeudaku]

Holla If You Need Me

Chadwick X Reader

Trigger: Miscarriage

Chadwick pulled up to the local bar in his hometown and sat in the car for a moment to prepare himself. He had been filming Black Panther all week and on his off day he went ahead and drive from Atlanta to South Carolina to see his family and old friends.

Hopping out of the car he stretched as he locked the rental car. He walked into the bar and immediately saw the group of friends waiting on him.

"Ayyye my man Chad. How've you been brother?" His life long  friend Troy asked as they embraced one another in a hug. Once everyone had a chance to greet the star they all began to drink and talk.

"So how's filming going man" Jay, a friend he had since grade school spoke up.

"It's goin' man. I can't really say much about it tho" he said with a shrug.

"Ahh they got yo ass with that contract huh?" His loud friend Billy asked making them all laugh.

"Enough about work shit man let's get to talkin' 'bout what I been missin'. I know y'all got some shit to tell me" he asked not wanting to talk about work anymore.

"You remember that girl you claimed was never your lady but you were lying out ya ass? What was her name?" Travis spoke making Chadwick look at him. He knew who he was talking about but was confused as to why you would be the topic of discussion.

"Yeah man I know. She was a cutie. Iron Mike over here was about to throw some blows at me when I tried to holla that one time" Troy said making the group laugh.

"It wasn't like that man, and her name is Alexis." Chad said with a small smile trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Yeah well turns out she's back in town to stay" Travis said wiggling his eyebrows at Chadwick making his stomach do flips at the thought of seeing you again, you still had that affect on him.

"That's what's up" Chadwick said cooly. He couldn't hide his feelings for shit  back then but he could mask them just fine now, he'd been practicing for years. And he had done a mighty fine job at it, pretending he was happy and whole when in reality a piece of him was missing and would probably never return.

"So you gone hit her up? I know that she was like your ace or something before she left and everything" Billy said making everyone nod.

"I ain't spoke to her since she left" he stated downing the rest of his beverage and leaning back in his seat.

"Why did she leave anyway?" Someone threw out there making him tense up a little bit. He never really liked to put his business out there even if it was to his closest friends. Not to mention it wasn't any of their business.

"She said it was some family drama or something" he said back hoping they would drop it.

He woke up the next morning to the sun shining in his face. Squinting his eyes he sat up in his old bed and began his morning routine. He shuffled down the stairs of his parents home and smiled at the smell of his mother cooking breakfast.

"Glad to see you could make it to breakfast Chadwick with you coming in all late this morning" she spoke as he kissed her cheek.

"Good morning to you too momma...mornin' daddy" he spoke to his parents as he sat at the small kitchen table. As their children grew older and had their own lives to live they stopped visiting and coming home as much leading them to scale down on furniture until holidays.

His mother sat a plate in front of both him and his father before getting her own to sit with them.

"So you know Alexis is back in town right? I invited her and her family over to supper tonight at 7:30. I need you here at 6:30 to help clean up. Ya hear me?" He mother spoke before digging into her own plate.

"Yes ma'am." He said. He knew better than to complain about her inviting them to dinner. He wasn't for getting an earful today not with the way his head was feeling.

"Mama I'm a grown man if I want to dress comfortable for dinner then I will. I didn't even bring slacks" Chadwick said as he sat on the couch next to his father who dressed the way she had asked.

"Jesus...you're my only child to make things difficult. At least put on jeans don't wear those shorts at my table in front of guests" she said walking back into the kitchen.

Chadwick looked at his father who just shook his head and continued to watch the news. By the time he had changed and came back down the guest had arrived.

"Leroy, Carolyn such a pleasure to see you all again!" Your parents greeted.

"Tim, Hazel it's good to see you all as well. Alexis sweetie it's so good to see you hunny" Chadwick's mother spoke up. You smiled in response before speaking.

"It's good to see you too Mr and Mrs Boseman" you said before sinking back into the background hoping to get this dinner over with. You know why they set up this dinner and hopefully Chadwick did too. You almost stayed home but Mrs. Boseman could throw down and you weren't going to deny your tastebuds of whatever she prepared tonight.

Once your parents greeted Chadwick you all went into the dining room to began eating dinner. So far all Chadwick had done was look at you but not speak thus irritating you more than you already were. After saying prayer (idk if you do or not) the food began to make its way around the table making your mouth water.

Everyone engaged in conversation as you sat back quietly and enjoyed the meal. Of course they had to ask you a question causing all of the eyes in the room to turn to you, even Chad's.

"I asked how you've been sweetie. I haven't seen you since the incident" Mrs.Boseman asked sincerely in a kind voice. This made both you and Chadwick choke on air before glancing at each other. Neither of you had enjoyed this topic. You had lost someone dear to you and Chadwick had lost two people that he loved from the bottom of his heart.

"Uhm, I've been making it Mrs.Boseman. Thank you for asking" you said with a small smile. She gave a small nod and sad smile. You suddenly didn't feel like eating as you excused yourself from the table and out of the front door.

You had began to walk the road back to your parent's home in order to retrieve your car. You were in your own world when you felt a hand grab your shoulder. You instantly knew it was Chadwick from the tingling sensation that ran down your spine like it had when you two had first began to be friends, at the age or 8 which is right around the time that you began to think that people of the opposite sex didn't have cooties after all.

"Now you know better than to walk out here alone minnie" he stated with a small smile hoping to get you to crack your first for the night.

"Chad just let me go so I can get my car" you stated not wanting to talk to him, memories starting to resurface the longer you stood near him.

"Ok Lex damn, at least let me drive you to your car" he said pulling you towards his rental car.

Once he opened and closed your door he slid over the hood in order to get to the driver's side. As he sat in his seat and closed the door you began to laugh at him. He pulled off and smiled at you.

"I missed that laugh Minnie. Been almost 20 years since I heard it" he stated glancing at you before focusing back on the road.

"It has been that long hasn't it?" You spoke up slightly turning to him as he made his way towards your family home. After all these years he still remembered where it was.

"Hell yeah and I've missed you girl" he said grabbing your left hand and caressing it. You smiled at him feeling yourself relax. The remainder of the ride was silent until he pulled up to the house.

"So, you think you'd be up to talk? I haven't had the chance to really have a one on one with you in a while" Chadwick asked.

You didn't feel up to it but you shrugged it off. It was just as much his problem as it was yours so why not? Maybe you'd get some closure from it.

"You wanna do this here or what?" He spoke as he turned to give you all of his attention.

"We can stay here and talk. It really doesn't matter" you shrugged a little nervous.

"Awe ok so let's go to the dock then." He said turning the car on and driving.

Together they sat on a bench in silence. It stayed that way for a while before Chadwick spoke up.

"You know it hurt me a lot when you left right?" He said not looking at you.

"It hurts too much for me to be here and be reminded of what happened" you spoke looking at him.

"I mean that didn't just effect you Minnie. It hurt your family as well as mine. We all were going through something" he said.

"Well everyone has their own way to grieve the dead Chad if I felt that leaving would benefit me why would I stay?" You spat back.

"Well damn it's always about you! Me me me what about how I felt? You weren't the only one to deal with that pain. I carry that shot around in me too y/n!" He spoke as his voice started to raise.

"WELL NOBODY ELSE WAS CARRYING THAT CHILD BUT ME! NOBODY FELT THOSE KICKS, THE MOVEMENT, THE CRAVINGS NONE OF IT! THAT WAS MY CHILD" you yelled not caring about who was around.

" That was my child too! I didn't only lose my baby I lost my lady too. The one I needed the most. You were the only one that felt and understood my pain. And you just up and left" he repeated.

You sighed before speaking " Chad we were both children, two 15 year olds having a baby. It took me months to wrap my head around that. And when...when we lost the baby right before I was set to leave, I felt horrible. It felt like my heart had gotten ripped out of my body and I had to watch it get ripped to shreds."

"And you thought still leaving would make it better" he spoke up softly watching as tears brimmed your eyes.

You sighed trying to compose yourself before breaking down. Your sobs shook your body as you tried to answer.n

"I-I don't know" you managed to get out as he stood there feeling his heart break.

"Can I hold you?" he asked just wanting to comfort you.

You nodded and ran into his open arms. He wrapped his arms around you rubbing your back as he repeatedly kissed your forehead.

"I'm so sorry Minnie. I should've been there for you. Im so sorry you had to go through that without me". You looked up whipping the tears from your eyes and responded

"Im sorry too Mickey, I should have let you be there for me. I should've been there for you too" you used your finger to trace a pattern in his chest.

"Shiiit we both here now if you wanna continue get some more shit off ya chest" he said pulling you to arms length.

"I'd like that"

"if you like it I love it baby. I'll be right back imma get some blankets"

You watched his tall frame jog back to where you stood and set down two blankets. He plopped down with a grunt before summoning you to sit next to him. once you were near him he sat you between his legs kissing your cheek.

"Now lay it on me girl" he spoke opening the pandoras box of emotions you were holding back for so long.

He was still willing to lend you a helping hand, shoulder to cry on, and an ear to vent to. You could always count on him, he would always be a holla away.

@nyneebey @lady-love-and-glitter-roses @autumn242 @royallyprincesslilly @lalapalooza718  @wakandawinning @brianabreeze @noontownstudio @airis-paris14 @dramaqueenamby @kumkaniudaku @wonderwoman292 @jokerslittlemunster 

[irlnoladarling]

1.

My therapist is suggesting that i create a dialogue-like pain journaling format that may or may not be read by others. If anything, an open discussion with myself as if I was talking with a close friend who had four hours to listen to me spill my heart out over what’s been weighing on it the heaviest. So i think it’s high time I talk about the breakup. From the top.

I was in a relationship for almost four years with one of the most beautiful people i’ve ever known. Everything was so amazing in the first two years. 

then we broke up because he needed to rediscover himself. he was heavily using drugs and could not deal with the shame of having to face me about himself, his demons, and who he was.

He wrote an open letter when his head finally cleared that i went back and reread on his tumblr tonight. And to this day every single word still resonates loudly. In a nutshell, it went something like:

“I have found peace with myself. I am finally in love with myself. I know you don’t want to understand and you don’t have to want to understand. I am not the same man you fell in love with. I hope you find peace from the ways I’ve shook you. Thank you for everything”

Every word sounded so similar to the words of the new letter he wrote me. But this time it was different. Inferring both his meaning and my own, it went something like:

“I haven’t been a good partner to you. I am rapidly going through changes that you can’t have access to. I haven’t been making you a priority and we have been behaving more as friends than lovers. It’s been this way for a while. I still love you and hope that we can be friends one day. Thank you for everything.”

I don’t mean to make it sound so short, because it was more thought-out and detailed than that. I had my own shortcomings in this, one of which was my other very catastrophic relationship with another person that caused a huge strain to various breaking points with my ex.

Everything about this breakup is so painful. So unbearably heartwrenching that it’s been one of my main focal points of my depression. In my own effort to make sense of everything, I have been replaying these letters over and over in my head, rereading. I have had nothing but nightmares about him and dreams of him magically coming back and us starting from scratch again. At this stage of my pain, I would probably do any little thing to get back to the way we were - to be happy with him again. 

I am realizing that I am not only carrying the heartache of this breakup, but the heartache of the breakup with my other ex, as well as the first breakup with this ex. I haven’t fully processed the last two, so I am holding three heartaches in one. It’s like continuously being buried under a foot of dirt, so here I am; three feet deep.

In order to truly let go, I need to understand myself in this situation. So, because I want to be free and start digging myself out, I have to examine my attachments. 

1. He was my first love in a while. Everything about him was so breathtaking that I don’t think I experienced that hard of a head-over-heels type of affection in a long time. We were both so young. He was still in sr year of high school and I was heading into college. We had time to fawn over each other every hour of every day. When he was in his deepest pain, I was there to comfort him. We were alike in so many ways, even in appearance. I wanted it to last forever, and I convinced myself that it would. The day that I met him in person - well, I still don’t think I’ll ever experience that type of magic again in my life.

2. He helped me in my lowest moments. He gave me the comfort and strength that I needed and reminded me of who I was. Reminded me of why I was worthy of love by such a unique person.

3. He was my anchor. He was the only constant in my life. Everyone else came and went but I could rely on him to be there for me, consistently. If I messaged him, I knew he would answer, and he would soothe everything and make it alright. If I needed a fallback, it was him.

4. The pact we made. if we eventually decided to be monogamous, then we agreed it would be with each other. We had unknowingly made each other our primary partners, after years of swearing that we did not practice polyamory in that way. It felt good to be loved so much, so hard. We had plans for a family, a home together. He had the means of support - I wanted to get out of my hometown. It was a perfect situation.

5. We were best friends. And I felt like that would outshine everything. I am still to this day wondering if I decided not to be friends with him because i felt as though he knew he had outgrown me, or he truly would never become the friend I was looking for.

6. He gave me a family. His mother and father adored me, and always supported me. One christmas they gave me 200 dollars towards my rent month. They worried about me, provided me a home to stay in. In many ways, I felt like I fucked up in gaining and maintaining a second, almost better family.

There are more reasons, but for now, these are the heaviest. And because of these reasons, I prioritized him over anything, everyone - even the people I forged other relationships with. He was paramount over any other bond I made. And he did the exact same thing in many situations. When he reached back out to me after our first breakup, I was so flattered at the fact that he told the person he was seeing at the time - “i don’t care about how you feel because t and I are getting back together, and I’m meeting her for the first time in a couple weeks.”

To admit that to myself, finally, is huge. Everyone else could leave - as long as he stayed. And he would validate me and I would feel like I had been rewarded because I had done great. And he felt the same.

At that point I thought we were inseparable. We always told each other that “out of all the people in my life journey, I’m glad it’s you. I wouldn’t have it any other way. You are the one constant.” And at the time, it filled my heart with so much happiness. To be a constant in someone’s life. To dedicate my life to being a constant. What a concept. This heightened prioritization, through trips, skype dates. It was all I could have ever wanted from him. 

A major battle that has upended my entire identity from this ordeal is the fact that I keep trying to see it from his eyes. And in his eyes, I wasn’t keeping up with him - couldn’t keep up with him. I was still stuck in 2015 while he was constantly advancing. He dropped me because I was dead weight, and I was hindering his growth. And whether that is or isn’t true, that has been haunting me for months.

It’s the core of the reason why i feel like I haven’t been growing. He had been advancing so much, taking on all these deals, meeting with people to further the cause of things that were important to him, doing HUGE things, and I wasn’t doing much more than supporting him. I’m not doing any of that. I feel like im not doing anything to further my own growth.

I am taking time off from school. I have no more passion, no more vision. I am comfortable. I haven’t stepped out of my comfort zone in months.

And in the process (facebook isn’t helping) I keep wondering, would it be different if I would have stayed in school? Been more present in activism? Maintained my weight? Discontinued my toxic relationship at the first sign of a red flag? Would you have still wanted me if I had done any of this?

I look back on myself and try and dredge up the parts of me that I felt like he fell in love with. I don’t even remember that version of myself. Was I thinner? More ambitious? Did I care more about the things he cared about?

And if in his eyes I wasn’t growing like he was, am I even growing at all?

At the same time, it felt like everything he was doing was more important than me. At some point, he didn’t want to grow with me anymore, or have me by his side. And that not only makes me angry, but is a big part of my heartbreak. And I am still trying to figure out if it’s me that was is the biggest contribution to that thought, or him. Or some combination of both.

I’ve reached the end of this and I actually feel better now. It took me a couple hours, but I feel really cathartic, so I think i’ll end it here. It’s the first bit of relief since the whole ordeal happened, and I actually feel lighter, so I think i’m getting somewhere.

I’ll try and write more later.

[ollieisms-blog]

hi guys !!! i’m vic and im super pumped to get things rolling. i’ve played wayyy too many hockey muses that haven’t gone anywhere and i’m siked to finally have the perfect place to play one. unfortunately, i’m a fan of the blue and gold shitshow (the sabres) so i’m definitely going to be guessin a lot of the time abt the wild here. but anyway here’s ollie !!

LEXINGTON OLIVERS is 23, BISEXUAL, MALE. he plays DEFENSE for the MINNESOTA WILD. their resemblance to ALEX SAXON is uncanny. they currently reside in ST. PAUL, MN. in the media they come off as EASY-GOING however they can be AGGRESSIVE. we wish them well this season. [vic, 20, est, she/they]

➤ BASIC INFORMATION

NAME: Lexington Olivers NICKNAMES: Ollie, Ollzsy, Olls, Lex OCCUPATION: defenseman for the Minnesota Wild AGE: 23 DATE OF BIRTH: October 21st ORIENTATION: bisexual GENDER & PRONOUNS: male; he/him

➤ PHYSICAL INFORMATION

HEIGHT: 6′3″ WEIGHT: 209 DOMINANT HAND: left TATTOO(S): none SCAR(S): most notably a long scar over his left cheekbone ( sustained from a wayward skate blade he was sixteen ) PIERCING(S): none FACE CLAIM: Alex Saxon

➤ PERSONALITY INFORMATION

TRAITS (+): loyal, easy going, laid-back  TRAITS (-): aggressive, self-critical

➤ BACKGROUND INFORMATION

HOMETOWN: Saginaw, MN CURRENT RESIDENCE: apartment in St. Paul, MN LANGUAGE(S): English BASIC EDUCATION: high school COLLEGE EDUCATION: University of Minnesota - Duluth (business and finance)

➤ FAMILY

PARENTS: tyler olivers (father), michelle waters ( mother ) SIBLINGS: denver olivers - older brother + 4 yrs ( yes, their parents named them after cities )

➤ THE STORY

--- this story starts the same way a lot of stories in minnesota start: with cold, snow, ice, and hockey. lexington olivers was born when the cold air first comes rushing in, when the temperatures drop and the world outside comes alive as it only can in places that get cold enough to steal your breath.

--- lexington called ollie by almost all those except those closest to him grew up as many do in the state of hockey : loving the long, cold winters, embracing the snow and ice and learning how to melt with a smile alone. he played hockey and shared those pipedreams so many who lace up the skates have but few ever reach : win the state championship, win the frozen four, play in the nhl.

--- he never did win the state championship after four years of getting close but never quite taking it. from there, he was scouted by several universities but ultimate ended up at the one 20 minutes down the road with the college team he grew up watching ; none other than the university of minnesota - duluth.

--- they missed the tournament completely his first year, but even all darkest things have a silver lining, and ollie’s came a few months later when he was drafted in the second round of the 2014 nhl draft. and just like that, the most impossible pipedream became just a little more possible.

--- he returned to umd more determined and fit than ever the next fall. he put in the work, added the needed weight to his tall frame, and left everything on the ice and then some. it payed off. there was no sophomore slump for lexington olivers, just a break-out season.

--- they’d wanted to sign him after that, the team that had drafted him. sign him, get him in a few games at the end of the season, develop him in the A the next year... and yet, despite all he wanted, he declined to stay one last year at umd. he’d grown close to his teammates and had wanted to give one last shot for the title. they wouldn’t make it: just another regional final loss, no closer than the prior year, just as far as ever.

--- ollie put pen to paper not long after that and looked to his next dream : the NHL. he played a handful of nhl games at the end of their season and then played in the A with a few emergency recalls to the NHL the season after. the transition was a bit rough for him, and for once, he struggled.

--- the greatest SHOCK of it all came that summer after when the news of him being traded broke. being traded is always full of emotion, but ollie hadn’t been traded just anywhere : he’d been traded HOME to minnesota, to the team he’d grown up watching with the stars in his eyes. and that made something flip inside him.

--- the next season he spent half the season in the A before being called up and he was never sent back down. that summer after that was the hardest he’d ever worked in his life and it paid off with the roster spot in october and lexington olivers in the minnesota wild’s opening night lineup. welcome home, ollie.

➤ MISC 

--- no one, no one calls him lexington, most call him ollie, a very select few are allowed to call him lex.

--- PLAYING STYLE: he’s a defenseman, kinda like, ristolainen and montour-like? solid 2nd - 3rd pair rn with the definite potential to move up in the future. has an offensive upside but is quite physical, isn’t afraid to get in players’ faces or under their skin, has gotten into more than his fair share of scrapes, adds that “grit” to a lineup. the kind to be a menace on the ice but invaluable in the locker room ; loyal to a fault, willing to protect anyone on the team despite being young ( his size definitely helps tho ).

--- ollie wears 4 in homage of his brother who can’t play hockey anymore due to an injury his freshman year of college. because of this he also feels a great motivation to live out the dream his brother won’t be able to.

--- off the ice he’s nothing like what he is on the ice : he’s laid-back and chill, honestly pretty gentle guy though if someone threatens someone he cares for hands can and will be thrown.

--- honestly just a minnesota boy living out his dream, lads ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

➤ SOCIAL MEDIA

INSTAGRAM: lollivers ; 42.2k followers TWITTER: lollivers4 ; 41.6k followers SNAPCHAT: lollszyyy ( private )

➤ CONNECTIONS

--- ISAAC KEATING ( close friend ), @isaackeating : the two met during the eye-rolling mess that was orientation at UMD. ollie had pretty much grown up with the university while isaac had landed some sarcastic and funny one-liners and after that, they just clicked. ollie stole isaac’s coffee, dragged him to post-game parties, isaac convinced him to show up on his vlog and remained a loyal spectator at games despite not understanding most of it. while ollie lives and breathes hockey, he won’t deny it is very refreshing to have a friend outside of it all ; it’s helped all those time things have gone south --- which a couple season ago, had been often. isaac is the one person outside of family he lets call him lex.

--- HOCKEY : if following hockey has taught me anything, it’s that it’s a very small community and everyone has connections everywhere. i’d love to see people ollie played with in college, some from his brief stint with the team he was drafted with ( i left that vague on purpose, tho i do imagine he went somewhere between 39 - 45 in the draft that year ). 

--- EX - GIRLFRIEND(S) : ollie has dated ; maybe he broke up with this person during college, maybe she couldn’t handle constantly playing second fiddle to hockey and wanted more attention, maybe she was only there because she thought he’d make it but after that disastrous first season in the AHL / NHL she decided he wasn’t it. 

--- OTHER : ollie is bi af, but that’s something he keeps under very tight wraps. i am totally down to plot past connections down that route if anyone is interested ( please ).

--- if anyone wants to plot feel free to message me here, but i’m a lil more reachable on my discord olofsson#5730

➤ PINTEREST BOARD

[ladyofpurple]

GIRL ITS BEEN MONTHS SINCE YOU UPDATED TPOY!! please tell me you haven’t given up on it )-:

I KNOW IM REALLY SORRY OMG

This took a bit longer to answer than it should have because I was trying to figure out how to reply, I guess?? The short answer is basically that writing bits of fic during my exams when I didn’t actually have the time to was super productive, mainly because I Didn’t Want To Do The Thing but my entire future hinged on Doing The Thing and anxiety-driven avoidance is excellent creative fuel, apparently. The problem is, of course, that once I finished and started getting my results back and actually had time to breathe again my brain kinda fizzled out and I never wanted to look at a Word document ever again in my life. Writing is really hard right now, for some reason. And not just TPoy — everything I try to write either gives me a headache, makes every idea I’ve ever had go flying out the window like magic, or looks like absolute garbage to me. (I’ve been trying, though, I promise!!!) There is more TPoY, though!! I swear to God!! It’s just coming along a little slower than anticipated.

The long answer is... a little more complicated and probably more than you’re interested in, and the main reason is the short one anyway. But I’ll put a long answer under a cut just in case (aka the entire history of TPoY lol), since I’ve lowkey wanted to post about it for a while now but didn’t quite know how to? May get a little very personal, I suppose.

Basically, TPoY is and always has been a garbage fic. I don’t say that to disparage my own writing or attempt to elicit praise from anyone: I have always considered it a glorious dumpster fire of experimentation, a ridiculous Frankenstein’s monster of all my favorite ML tropes as a practice run, since it had been so long since attempting to write anything at all. I’m thrilled that people like it, of course! Whenever people send me asks about it my answers always involve a lot of exclamation points and variations on “I AM CURRENTLY SOBBING ON THE FLOOR IN GRATITUDE” because I honestly have no idea how to express how genuinely teary-eyed I get when someone tells me how much they like it, or post a comment. That being said, it was always intended for my own amusement and/or therapy, and that it’s gotten so many bookmarks and kudos and comments is incredibly surreal, even after a whole year.

When I started writing it, I was working through a lot of stuff. My first boyfriend had broken up with me, and as we lived together in his hometown I was stuck there on my own for another year before I could move back home. 2016 was filled with a lot of horrifying shit that kept happening one after the other and I eventually almost had to drop out of school because I couldn’t handle it all. The relationship was pretty toxic but all I knew at the time was that I was scared and alone and heartbroken. 

When I started writing, it was after 8 months of the worst bout of depression I’ve ever experienced, and I still wasn’t well, but I functioned passably enough to start hyperfocusing on things. I had an idea about a fic I suddenly wanted to write, and it would have a happy ending and all, but I could work through my feelings in a way I hadn’t tried to since before my ex and I got together. I pulled a lot of the start of the fic (the rejection, the miscommunication, the avoidance) from my recent breakup, yes, but also from my first rejection, aka the only other boy I’d liked enough to confess my feelings to. We were 17, and he admitted that he knew, and then suddenly we weren’t friends anymore. A year and a half later, I got together with my ex, and suddenly after three years of dedicating my life to “us” on his whims he was ghosting me without explanation.

I see a lot of myself in Marinette at that age. The awkwardness, the enthusiasm, the incredibly obvious lovesick obsession with a cute boy who’s nice to you. I wondered if maybe she would react the same, if put into similar circumstances as I had been. Focus on the self-doubt that would follow, based on insecurities she’s already shown in the show — coupled with your standard teenage hormone-fest —and you’d have a fabulous starter for angstfic and a free therapy session all in one.

The problem with that is nobody knows this backstory but me. People focusing on Marinette’s insecurities is nothing new. Other people are annoyed it’s such a popular trope. And the fact that I’ve chosen to focus on certain aspects of the main characters’ identities for the purposes of a story I started on a whim has been making me insecure for a long time because people in the fandom are tired of those characterizations. I’ve never gotten hate comments —I don’t even remember ever getting constructive criticism on TPoY. But I’m well aware that the plot is far from original and definitely lacking in certain places, and as the comments roll in and the hits go up my anxiety mounts because oh my God I’m that guy in the fandom.

I always intended on focusing on different aspects of their characterizations in different fics to suit the plot, y’know? Not ignoring parts of their personalities, but just... emphasizing other parts. But TPoY is the one most people have read. I have a couple one-shots where I tried to do something like that, with different aspects of their characters, but short one-shots can’t really compare to a 100,000+ word WIP, even if they even slightly compared in popularity (they don’t). So my only notable contribution to the fandom is TPoY. And that makes me anxious.

Then there’s the Frankenstein-like obsession with adding every trope I’ve ever wanted to write in a fic like this. I’ve mentioned before that the original plan for this was, like, 10-15 chapters at most. But every chapter I write I’m like, “But what if I did this???” Like I said, I never intended it to be even remotely popular. The only other fandoms I’ve written for are microscopic in comparison. I had no frame of reference for a pairing this big — all my previous experience was from Fanfiction.net, for Christ’s sake. I assumed I wouldn’t finish it, and even getting to chapter 6 was a surprise. But that hyperfocus somehow held on for dear life and I was banging out chapters like nobody’s business. And people were responding to it. And I think that kind of went to my head a little? Not like in an “I deserve all this attention” kind of way, but more like a “People like?? This thing I’m doing??? I cannot squander this opportunity, I must give them m o r e” kind of way. It was the best I’d felt since the breakup and I didn’t really think I deserved it, so I kind of wanted to... prove I did, I guess, by writing everything I’d ever wanted in a lovesquare fic in hopes that people would keep liking it and me and I’d keep feeling nice. (I mean, I’d planned to add in a ridiculous amount of tropes anyway, I just ended up adding a lot more than I’d planned.)

On the one hand, people go nuts for that shit. On the other, it’s getting harder and harder to justify cramming all this shit into the same fic. This compulsion keeps fucking me over by giving me spur-of-the-moment ideas for sub-plots I never wanted and certainly didn’t properly think through before posting the foreshadowing or setup for — yet at the same time they’re usually thought of and integrated several chapters in advance so I can’t just... leave them out? And part of me kind of doesn’t want to?? And I’m trying with every fiber in my being not to rewrite just the first 3 chapters, let alone the entire fic. A side-effect of my FF.net history at 13 was Never Edit Anything. Yeah, I’ll do some spell-check. Maybe some rewording here and there. Sometimes I’ll post a chapter and come back sporadically over the next few days to change out some punctuation or whatever. But if I don’t like a section after writing for a while? Throw the Whole Ass Chapter out. After it’s posted? This Is Your Life Now.

let’s not talk about how everything after chapter 27 was supposed to go very differently

Never mind that, after writing a hundred thousand goddamn words in a year, one’s writing skill tends to evolve and increase over time. Not just in regards to vocabulary, but with consistency and pacing and structure. This means, of course, that I can’t ever reread my own writing without the Evil Writing Goblin in my brain telling me to start the whole thing over from scratch. It’s fine.

I suppose I could get a beta, but I’m very bad at taking critique and as I’m even worse at talking to people than I am at posting on time I don’t think that would work out very well.

The point of this goddamn novel is that TPoY means a lot to me, probably a lot more than people realize. It’s kinda dumb and very cheesy and absurdly long, but it was the first real thing I did for myself after my whole life fell apart. I will finish it!!

But it’s hard to write it right now. I’m trying— I’m writing four chapters at the same time right now (a bit less than 10,000 words combined at current count). I don’t want to try to rewrite the whole fic or keep “mischaracterizing” the characters or lose the suspense I’ve tried to build (or, God forbid, try to keep interest so hard it hurts the rest of the fic) and risk alienating readers. I can’t stress enough how much these supportive comments mean to me, even on something as silly as a fanfic. But I also don’t want to force myself to write it or write something just because other people might or might not like it and risk alienating me. So I’m stuck at a kind of anxiety-induced impasse with myself that’s just made worse by the fact that I’m having trouble writing anything at all at the moment.

Jesus Christ this was longer than I meant it to be. Please don’t take this as a pity-party or anything. I don’t want sympathy or, I don’t know, reassurance or anything, I just wanted everything to be Out There because it really is the most in-depth response I could give and y’all deserve an honest answer. Some of you guys have been reading since the beginning and I can’t express how much that means to me. I feel really bad when I haven’t updated in a long time, because I know my fic makes some people really happy!

And PLEASE don’t take this as a “STOP ASKING ME ABOUT TPOY GODDAMMIT” because this is the opposite of that. I FUCKING LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME ABOUT TPOY. I L I V E FOR IT. But it sucks when the only answer I have is “I don’t know when it’ll be up, sorry :( ”

I mean, that’ll probably still be the answer I give, unless I by some miraculous (heh) stroke of luck) start hyperfocusing on writing again.

But at least y’all kinda know why now.