#im an incredible amount of happy like probably many here

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Im well aware you probably have a million and one asks/requests but can you pretty please with sugar on top do some head cannons for Hancock?

I’d be more than happy to share some with you in DMs or reblog a post with my own ideas, but I just wanna hear yours :3

Oh also your post about ghoul cum is incredible lol, I have never seen something like that before. But thank you for putting that out into the world.

You're very welcome for the several hundred words about ghoul cum; around here, I'm really going for a sort of "erotic mad scientist" vibe. My DMs are always open! I just may be a bit spotty with consistent replies at times.

NSFW John Hancock (FO4) Headcanons

(Follow up to the SFW headcanon post here.)

Doesn't like to have sex when he's especially messed up on chems. Of course, as someone who uses in great amounts and regular frequencies, it takes quite a bit of use at one time for him to feel like he's truly intoxicated, but he doesn't trust himself to be able to keep control of his strength when he's truly high. With Hancock, there's "doing a shit load of chems" partying, and there's "fucking like animals" partying, and never the two shall mix.

However, when he's sober enough, he likes to flex that strength; picking you up to fuck you, tossing you around, being able to pin you down despite his small build...it really turns him on. It's one of his favorite things about being a ghoul.

Pan king. Though I think most ghouls eventually come to fall into the pan/"whatever, genitals are genitals" camp, I think John was likely on that train before he was even a ghoul, little open-minded slut that we know he was. I think he might also be open to sharing his partner, but there would be some serious boundaries put down first.

That said, I think he would be especially sensitive to tender sex where you spend time worshipping one another's bodies, getting to know every curve and scar and flaw and coming apart together. He's no stranger to casual flings, hook-ups, one night stands, but someone who loves him for him, wants to have sex as a means to express that love physically...yeah, he'd be a real sucker for that.

He's open to whatever, wherever, whenever. If you're into it, he's more than willing to give it a try if it means it'll make you happy. That said, he won't do anything that he thinks will really, permanently harm you, but it's hard to think of many things you'd ask for that would fall under that category. I mean, Med-X and Stimpacks exist for a reason

[a-killer-obsession]

Wanna say real quick if you're a fanfic writer and you're looking at my page like "ohhh they hit 500 followers so fast and they have a upload schedule and post twice a week, maybe i have to post twice a week to get followers" - Stop

This turned into a whole guide for newbies so more under the cut

Please do not use me as an example! Im disabled and unemployed which means i have time to write two chapters a week, please do not put that sort of pressure on yourself!!! I only let myself have a upload schedule because i keep a small backlog of chapters, meaning i have some buffer if my health is bad or i get writers block, and as yall saw recently i will take a break if i loose that backlog. If i was forcing myself to write two chapters a week on a strict deadline i would absolutely loose my shit and probably burn out very quickly. And to be entirely honest, I haven't seen much difference in follower growth now that I have a schedule versus when I was just posting whenever I remembered to. I really don't think a schedule makes a huge difference, I just like having one because it gives me some sense of routine now that I'm unemployed.

What im trying to say, especially if you're new to posting fanfics, is please dont stress yourself out by thinking you need a strict schedule for anyone to like your fic or follow you. You shouldn't be writing for followers anyway, write for yourself! Write because YOU want to write. And if you fall out of love with that writing, dont feel like you need to force it just to make others happy! When i get burnt out writing Wavelengths, I keep going because *I* want to get to the ending, I've been excited to write it for months. Its another reason i dont start writing new long forms until i have a generic plan of where im going, which is something i highly recommend. Having a chapter you're excited to write really helps when you're trying to find motivation.

While I have you here, let me lay down some general tips for new fanfic writers, especially for those who post on tumblr:

Write because you want to write. Don't ever feel like you need to cater to someone else, that's a sure fire way to get burn out

If you do get burn out: don't worry about it, either it'll pass or it won't. Maybe you'll drop that idea all together and move to something new. Don't sweat it, write what makes you happy. Forcing yourself will only make it worse and it'll show in your writing. Writing fanfics is a hobby, it should be FUN. Sure someone might come across your fic years from now and be sad that it's not complete but they'll probably only be sad for a few days at most and then they'll forget about it. Its not a big deal. Who knows, maybe you'll find inspiration years down the line and make someone's day by randomly updating after years of hiatus. It happens 🤷

Dont worry about how much engagement your fic gets. I know absolutely incredible fics that get barely any engagement, and some frankly hard reads that have a ridiculous amount. Its all just dumb luck really. Again - write because you want to

Don't sweat typos too bad. I recommend finishing your chapter/one shot, giving it a day or so, and THEN come back to proof read. I find doing this gives me fresh eyes and I often find a lot of ways to improve the chapter while I'm fixing typos. If you accidentally leave typos in there, don't worry too much. As long as it makes enough sense for people to understand what you meant, people will still read it. Just look at the first few chapters of Wavelengths for example, they're riddled with typos from swapping from 3rd to 1st person, but people still read them (I'LL FIX THEM SOON I PROMISE LMAO)

Don't worry about being cringe. Cringe is dead, make your characters as self inserty and over powered as you want. CRINGE IS DEAD. If you think its fun to write powers and tropes that you're worried will be cringe, fuck it, write it anyway. As long as YOU have fun writing it. Do you know how many "whoops accidental pregnancy" trope fics I've written? Every single one of my long forms has either had it, or planned to, because I like that trope! I don't care if its cringe, I will continue to get my characters knocked up

Some quick accessibility things:

Please left align your fic! I've seen people posting center and right aligned because it "looks cool". These alignments should be used sparingly! As well as things like italics and different fonts/font sizes/colours! They should be used to highlight small sections only! Otherwise they can make it very difficult for people with reading difficulties to read!

If you're posting on tumblr:

Make sure the majority of your fic uses the default black font. Some people set the whole thing to a different font or the "small" font or a different colour and I literally can't read them, and it makes me so sad! I'm sure I'm not the only one with this issue! Its okay to use other fonts for things like headers and descriptions, but for the bulk of your fic use the default! Theres a graphic designer out there somewhere who spent a long time picking the best font for the body text on this website for a reason!

If your fic is longer than a few paragraphs, use the READ MORE function!!! Either cut under a description or the first few paragraphs so people get a preview of your fic. You may think it's silly to hide most of your fic, but if someone, especially on mobile, comes across your fic automatically trimmed on the fyp, and likes your stuff, and they go to your account to see more and have to scroll for a million years just to get past your newest post, they're quickly going to give up trying to read your other stuff. Using the read more function makes it easy for people to browse your blog and check out more of your works!! It also makes it more likely people will reblog for the same reason.

Along the same lines: have a masterlist. This can be as simple as a pinned post where you add a link every time you post something new. This makes it super easy for people to check out more of your work!

If you have a long form/multi chapter I also recommend going to the previous chapter and adding a "next chapter" link when you post the next one. Not 100% needed though, if you have a masterlist that can be enough on its own, people just appreciate having that next chapter link for binge reading. PUT IT AT THE BOTTOM PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. I hate when I finish a chapter and have to scroll for a million years to get to the top for the link

Feel absolutely free to use the way I format my fics and masterlist as example, but like I said, it can literally be just as simple as a list of links. I recommend listing the links at bare minimum as the title of the fic, and the pairing people can expect (including if its nsfw is a good idea too)

Speaking of NSFW: if your work isn't suitable for minors please make that clear! Even just a 'minors DNI' at the start of the post is good! If you wanna get fancy there are lots of creators who make lovely 18+/minors dni banners you can use for free, just google it and plenty will come up. If you're not adding a cut before the NSFW content then make sure you mark the post as for mature audiences (idk how you do it on the computer because I'm mostly a mobile user but on mobile you can find it bottom right, the icon with the two people). Not appropriately censoring your posts can result in tumblr restricting and possibly banning your account.

Finally, and this one is oddly specific to people who use google docs, but you can use a copy of this google doc to automatically add all the html to your writing so you can just copy and paste it into tumblr or AO3, instead of having to manually fix all the formatting. Do not just copy and paste AO3 html into tumblr, for some reason it has major issues with italics and will cause you a major headache. Just use the linked doc, its a super time saver, I've been using it for ages now

Okay thanks for reading bye

[montypng]

meant to send you a message last night but my brain was scrambled and i was too busy crying so i had to wait until now. i just wanted to say thank you so much for the beautiful art you made for deep end :') your enj & r design is so perfect and i love your style! there literally are no words to express how excited i was to see it (not to mention how many times i have scrolled back to look at it again in the last twelve hours. it's not an insignificant amount). i just genuinely love every detail you included, the moments you chose.... everything about it. from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the time & energy & care you have given deep end and that you put into your beautiful art :''')

thank you so much for your words, im so so glad you liked my art!!! if it has given you even a fraction of the joy i felt reading each deep end upload, then im happy :] your tags were incredibly kind as well, i took a screenshot so i could reread them...its incredible to think my work could have elicited such a reaction but hey, i have teared up reading deep end so i guess its a favour repaid >_> lengthy reply under the cut bc it became abominably long haha

i dont want to go on too much of a rant here (i will anyways it seems) but i think one of the things that struck me the most about deep end is how obvious the love that you put into writing it is. i know you've mentioned before how much you rewrote it over and over again, and i have to say in the best way possible that i could feel that reading it. every single chapter is written with such direction and clarity of purpose, it was truly a gift to be able to read something crafted with such meticulous attention to detail. i never felt that any line, hint of characterization, or plot detail was ever put there out of coincidence. cosette being a law student, too. the entirety of cosette's character and your emphasis on her agency as a person with a life that does not revolve around her brother. and somehow you kept touching on these weird little details that personally hit me hard? somehow?? grantaire reading hamlet (my favourite shakespeare !) and his opinion abt horatio (of course he likes horatio), the plot irrelevant but wholly appreciated discussion of the ending of the thing, thnks fr th mmrs and dammit janet in quick succession during karaoke, orpheus/eurydice in chapter 17 and the franklin expedition tidbit in 14, the whole art museum part....

some of my favourite lines:

“An animal in a trap will chew off its own leg to escape. You have no idea how much of my own blood I had to swallow to get out of there.” "The meeting had gone forty minutes longer than usual because for every word Enjolras said, Grantaire had to pick the bones clean, had to suck the marrow out." and shortly thereafter, "piano-wire tension", and "Less of a weapon and more of an instrument, for once. Press the key, see how he sings." "He wants to be comforted without being known. He wants to be loved without being understood. He wants to cry on a stranger’s shoulder and never see them again, never have to know their pity." <this one had my eyes wet while i was in a lecture i won't lie

and of course, the opening lines to top all opening lines:

"Enjolras’ father is buried on a Wednesday. The placement of the funeral in the middle of the week feels purposeful. Make this loss your centerfold, his mother seems to say. Build your life around it."

also — the quotes you chose to include in your summaries of each chapter were perfect every time. kudos for that!!!

all that to say: yeah, it was probably inevitable that i would be driven to draw something for deep end (i took screenshots of certain parts to draw later while reading this fic!! i almost never do that but i couldnt help myself!!!). one of those pieces of fiction that drives you to create (and push me out of art block, apparently). thank you again for sharing your work, deep end is truly something special and i cant wait to read the epilogue❤️❤️

(and if you've read all the way to the end of this monster of a reply: yes, you thought right...! i did draw a little mouse on the cover of grantaire's book, hes reading the tale of despereaux :] reading your grantaire is what finally pushed me to make a character playlist for him....and r smoking in the last drawing even if it isnt a scene in deep end is a reference to your other fic love is in the air, i just gotta figure out a window to break out. you know, for the connoisseurs. ;])

[wolvebonez]

please do dump about your watcher au as much as you want!! I'd love to hear about it!!

YAYYYY THANKS FOR ASKING its autism time Basically um. You know how most the watcher!grian hcs/interpretations have him as an unwilling participant in all this ? Uh, yeah ! Not this grian:3 Well. Kinda. But. Im a TMA Fan and I love FUCKED UP guys so !!!! Watchers feed off emotions. All emotions, but they're especially known for finding fear or grief or other negative emotions the most nutritionally filling/benefital to their health. However: They can't just sit there around someone whos very happy, sad, angry, ect, and then get fed from that. They have to- uh, for lack of better word- latch onto a players "soul," and tear chunks of that from them, dig into their mind and bite into whatever makes them feel and then tear that away. Sometimes, a feeding will cause the victim to be unable to feel anything at all after the feeding, if a Watcher gorges themself solely on them. Most often, when they use restraint while feeding, the victim will loose all feelings they'd had about the previous days, weeks, or even months, and might feel like everythings "dulled down" for some time while they recover. (Younger Watchers usually have to have physical contact with the victim to feed, older or more powerful Watchers can feed without even being on the same plane of existence as their victim, only needing to be able to See them.) Now, that's all kind of similar to a lot of headcanons about Watchers already, and I pulled the "eating emotions" thing from Martyns Eyes & Ears AU (altho in that its JUST fear), but uh... Heres where it differs: The Watchers aren't sentient. Not really, anyway. They're...predators, beings that know they need to feed and will go to great lengths to do so, survival their greatest worry above all else. Think of them like... Smart animals. Corvids, for example, crows especially- they will investigate their own dead to figure out what killed the other bird so they can avoid it, and are extremely good puzzle solvers. Prairie dogs have an incredibly advanced verbal communication system- able to even denote the speed of which a predator is approaching their den (probably the closest we could get to an ""language"" in the animal kingdom). But neither of those animals, as smart as they may be, are considered sentient. Its the same with Watchers. Watchers CAN communicate, they can understand eachother, they can achieve a certain amount of planning, like how squirrels can count what nuts they have & deduce how many they need, or how whales and other marine life are especially prone to being able to plan & use logical reasoning... They can understand the concept of death and... the concept of keeping their food alive for delayed gratification and a continued food source, instead of just going out and feeding on someone until theyre a husk of themselves, unable to provide more food. How, exactly, they got all the players into the life series/how they made the games IS something im working on, but the point im getting at here is that theyre basically like ants farming aphids, except the aphids are sentient people..? yay..? Ah, and Watcher cant reproduce normally. They have incredibly long lifespans, but when a Watcher does come to its end, they... Well, theyll find an player to bite into the soul of, and instead of feeding, they basically do the reverse- shoving all their energy into that being and becoming a parasite that will eventually take over the host and make them a Watcher, similarly without much sentience. Thats what happens to Grian. :3 The exact process of turning is also in the works but basically it starts by becoming unable to eat regular food, slowly focusing all the players willpower into wanting to eat, before they develop the ability to feed from other players. At this stage they might still be able to feel themself, however after feeding from another you tend to loose your own emotions amongst the ones youre feeding off of, and at some point, any remaining emotions the "player" has, is consumed by them for extra nutrition, and in turn they officially become a Watcher.

UMMMM YEAH!!!! Thats all the worldbuilding I have :3333 Theres uh- a story in my mind, but its not as fleshed out? I also MIGHT make it a fic (heavy on the might) so idk how much i'd wanna spoil. But uh, yeah, Grian'll be a bit of a special case in that his turning takes... a lot longer than normal. ^_^ I put him in the torture world sorry

[heatwa-ves]

please explain your izuleo playlist with as much detail as you want im interestedddd

MIKIIII THANK YOU. okay here's my playlist and im gonna do a song by song breakdown... I'll try and keep it decently brief so this doesn't become one million words but we'll see. my playlist is vaguely chronological so it starts pre-checkmate!

astroboy- suggi

okay so this one is just straight up a leo song. you just have to listen to it it's literally about him "I raised my hands up real high, they called me stupid when I asked why we couldn't fly. am I too far ahead of my friends, or I am late?" hellooooo hello. hi. leo tsukinaga everyone!!!! right down to the moon/space theming

"oh, the rain, you're losing your flame, where'd the burn, the passion go? you run through the pain, you're losing your aim, and you feel like you alone missed the grow" LITERALLY about his breakdown post checkmate. uagh.

cheerleader- ashnikko

an izumi song!!! I don't have to explain anything here you get the vibes

brand new city- mitski

having to preface this by saying I do not listen to mitski this is the only song of hers I listen to and only because it makes me think of izumi so much I feel like throwing up.

"If I gave up on being pretty I wouldn't know how to be alive, I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die." yeah. izumi sena.

yoru ni kakeru- yoasobi

well I'm sure you know this song and the story behind it "the seduction of thanatos" I think it works very well about the izuleo dynamic around this time when they're very codependent and leo is so severely depressed and suicidal. they're fucked up 👍

it's all so incredibly loud- glass animals

so this one makes me think of izumi going to see leo in a similar vein to lionheart but probably before that and he sees leo so broken and neither of them can bring themselves to say anything. "I tried, for you and I, for too hard, for too long" makes me think of the ending scene of lionheart and so on

softcore- the neighborhood

"you've been my muse for a long time, you get me through every dark night. I'm always gone, out on the go, I'm on the run and you're home alone"

"every time I kiss you, baby, I can hear the sound of breaking down"

you get it. you see the vision. more depression era stuff.

less of you- keshi

depression era leo... there's so many lines in this song that correlate to them but a fav is "too much time in the limelight, gimme your all on the land line, want it so bad but I won't lie and it just gets worse in the night time."

are you happy? - shy martin

"and I know I thought that pain's part of love, but I think I broke you, though I didn't mean to. but are you happy, looking back at us when you met me? would you go back and tell yourself to leave it, knowing what we know?" UARFGHBHBB izumi.... who killed cock robin ass song.

from now on we are enemies - fall out boy

I've talked about this one EXTENSIVELY before but it really is just a song about leo tsukinaga. what else can I say.

always- keshi

well yk.

bad thoughts- half alive

i love when they hate eachother. they don't actually truly hate eachother but man sometimes it feels like it. everything hurts. "like a time you gave your all but just got hurt, like a crack in the mirror bringing out your worst"

to everyone who wants to die- takayan

read the translation oh my goddddd. leo. leo

sing to me- missio

this is a song I DREAM of making an animatic to its just so deeply fundamentally leo

never ending song- conan gray

okay this one is a bit more specific but I like to think of leo while he's out of school seeing izumi in a magazine or an ad or something.. and that brings with it a whole ton of complicated feelings

"but we've grown too close, now it can't amount to nothing. I can hear your voice in the music on the radio, and it goes on and on and on, like a never-ending song" you get ittttt

bodybag- chloe moriondo

more of the vibes more of the complicated feelings . this one is mostly here bc I love it and was thinking about izlo while listening icl. unrelated but chloe moriondo is cool as hell they have some awesome music videos especially the one for this song

love or the lack thereof - isaac dunbar

the epitome of pre/early ! izlo love. to meeee also I just love love loveeee it as a song

last minute - kitty

"you're the loop of rope I hung up in my stupid closet" "you're all poised and im made of poison" do you get it do you GET it. it's leo about izumi frfrfrrr

"could you wrap your hands all the way around my neck, and tell me where I stand, tell me everything I'm wrecking when I spin. take over my breath, in out in, I am missing you to death"

android girl- deco*27

I love this song and while I love the original im partial to rachies english cover especially the lines

"we restart and fall apart together, what we have will drag on in this way forever"

"make it stop, make it stop there's so much guilt and regret, I don't get how I can forget and start to hope again, we haven't even come to the end, so much for promising together forever, we aren't even friends"

the girl in my memories- jeebanoff

"in place of your fleeing love, only my sad solitude remains, even though that time won't come again, the memories that are gone, are forever" more depression yaaay

achilles come down- gang of youths

SORRY it's just such a compelling look at depression and being suicidal... so many of these songs are about Leo's depression but I swear this part of the playlist is over soon and moves further in the timeline. I really love this song it's just... everything about it... leo is achilles here of course and the voices talking him down and telling him to go through with it are his family/izumi and his own mind/the students from school respectively.

calender girl- stars

"all of the things that I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day. december is darkest, in june there's the light, but this empty bedroom won't make anything right, while out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home, who waits up for me all through the night- calendar girl who's in love with the world, stay alive"

HEALING!!!!! GROWING AS A PERSON!!!!!! OVERCOMING DEPRESSION!!!! DO YOU GET IT

"I dreamed I was dying, as I so often do, and when I awoke I was sure it was true. I ran to the window, threw my head to the sky, and said "whoever is up there, please don't let me die," but I can't live forever, I can't always be, one day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea"

crush of judgement- knights killers

i don't need to explain this one

move me- half alive

THE izuleo song THE reason I made this playlist. won't you be my song when I cant dance WON'T YOU BE MY SONG WHEN I CANT DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! LIGHT MY FIRE BURN THE TREES!!!!!!!!! also watch the music video it's gorgeous

the third heart- harumaki gohan

first of all go play genei ap rn it's a short mobile game created by this artist featuring lots of their songs about a reserved girl who loves music and her more extroverted friend who asks her for song recs. it's a very izuleo vibes game and just a beautiful game in general I think you'll love it sm mikiii

second of all.... just. this song. play the game and watch the music video for the full impact frfr 🫶 anyway back to izuleo

back around- half alive

depression never truly leaves but you get better!! it gets better!!! there are bad days but there are so so many good days!!! this whole album is kinda izlo vibes

you get me so high- the neighborhood

"you're my best friend I'll love you forever" 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 makes me think of them... kind of talking about their past .... not very well because they have no emotional maturity but still.

silent oath- knights

for obvious reasons

reunion- harumaki gohan

I imagine this is after the end of ! era .. they've both grown and matured immensely as people.. it'd probably have more impact if I read requiem but um..... I'll get to it... (I've been saying this for a year and a half) to me it's a goodbye to their teenage years and the ups and downs and them moving forward into adulthood and a more stable relationship

don't be so hard on your own beauty- yeule

they help eachother heal 🥹. this one is a bitttt more reliant on some of my takes on izumi that I don't really wanna get into rn but yk. it's here. it's vibey. things were bad and now they are better. there's sunlight streaming though their apartment window. they don't have anywhere else to be this morning. yk.

work of art- downer Inc, kellin quinn

ueeeghhvhb they love eachother.... izumi brings leo inspiration.... these descriptions are getting less and less coherent

I swear ill never leave again - keshi

ueeeeueueueuehhhehhehhehuuueueue

infinitely ordinary- the wrecks

I like the romance of mundanity.. I think they could be happy.. it's very hopeful and a good ending to the playlist

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!!

im gonna rant at you for a bit if you dont mind :)

Im a minor that lives in a super tight night, close minded community. Super religious, super homophobic transphobic ect. Seeing as im a teenage girl whose questioning their gender and is definitely attracted to women thats kinda problematic lols. Honestly idek how to explain the situation without a bunch of details, but basically, theres a fifty-fifty chance of me being sent to conversion therapy or just cut off from any internet access (and i mean ANY. i have a flip phone for fucks sake.)if my fam finds out im queer, i have no support system outside of some internet friends who know nothing about my situation, and within the next few years(so like once i turn 20ish, thats in like 4 years but whatever) my family is going to expect me to get married to a man and start popping out babies asap. Btw thats whats expected of me in this community, marriage under the age of 25, have like as many kids as physically possible and god forbid higher education. And im not okay with that . Ffs i want to go to college, major in fine arts, meet a person i like and fall desperately in love or maybe not just have a bunch of close platonic relationships i want cats and a dog and a cute studio in a big city where i can dye my hair whatever color i want aand get an obsene amount of piercings, i want to wear pants!! I just want to live. Without expectations or limits or people who love me hating everything they dont know about me. Is that truly so much to ask for?

And im incredibly dramatic cuz i literally have the dream life. My family loves me, my parents are upper middle class, theyve never hurt me before(besides for all the anti everything rants haha) i literally have a full sized bed, which for some reason i see as the peak of being spoiled idk why. I go to school, not even public, a private religious school that prob costs thousands of dollars, i have friends(who are all part of this community btw and id bet my entire savings that most of them think gay is only a word that ppl use to mean happy lol) close ones even!! I have adorable neices and nephews(my 3 sisters all were married by the age of 20, so i have 11 niecesand nephews while my oldest sister is 31) im living the dream life. But i hate it and i have no way out. No hope of college to get on my feet and find someway out, no people that'll help me fucking run away or some bullshit like that, hell ive considered it and then felt like shit, cuz what am i even running from? Im probably attracted to men it wont kill me to marry one. And i like kids, i wouldnt mind having any either. But.... i dont want to be trapped anymore. Cuz ill be honest thats what i am.if some one asked me to run away with them rn i would, no hesitation.

God im a mess😭😭 anyway this was me ranting in my notes app, im just apologizing for dumping this on a complete stranger(we're moots actually!!) albeit a very kind one :) i dont know what im looking for, but ill take whatever your comfortable giving ig.

I love and appreciate you<333

And hey this has been oddly cathartic so lmk if its okay for me to do this again sometime :))

"im living the dream life. But i hate it and i have no way out."

Hon, you're not living the dream life...there's a difference between financial privilege and being happy, you know? It's pretty clear that this isn't what you want.

I'm not sure if you're asking for my advice here, or if you just want to vent. But I care about you, and if you want me to research some things to try to help you, I'm more than willing to (that way it's not on your search history.) Just say the word!

Until then, you are ALWAYS allowed to vent to me.

I'm naming you venting anon in case you write again!

[mulbruk]

essay. the essay. the es

ok so here's the thing. i didnt want to vote for the nuance option because that feels silly and not in the spirit of the exercise. my top picks not listed would be an anchor (impossible, Real Heads Know), a lucerne (polearm class, most related to staves but i feel like the weight aspect of polearms in general is important enough that they deserve their own category, and voting staves because i like a weapon that is a specific polearm which is derived from a staff seems like too halo a reach to make), or a hook (impractical, Real Heads Know). that being said, i think my top three in order would still be anchor > axe > lucerne, so im happy to settle with my second-place pick here.

i like axes a lot. it is a known fact by many of my friends and loved ones that i own an axe, probably because when i got the axe i was unbearable about it and would lead just about every sentence with "hey i have an axe do you want to see" or "hey did you know i have an axe" or something like that. because i can lift approximately three blueberries i favor two-handing it even though it is very specifically a one-handed axe, which i've always loved more than two-handed ones. not that i don't think two-handers aren't cool - i love every axe - but there's something to be said about a slashy-damage weapon with power behind it that doesn't 100% come from being a slim toothpick nor from being So Heavy It Doesn't Matter.

however, the weight aspect of it IS important here - if i'm proficient in wielding a one-handed axe in this scenario, that puts me on pretty good grounds in case i need to improvise. i can't promise i'll be /good/ at fighting with the broken yield sign i scrounge up or whatever, but whereas i imagine sword-training might put me into a zone of "oh, the shape and weight of this schlorphlegorgh is nothing like the familiar touch of my sword - i cannot defend myself like this!," adapting should be easier on account of how many one-handed improv weapons are probably going to have the similar axey tags of "has some amount of weight behind it to supply its power" and "hold lighter end and put heavier end into other guy"

shield battling is its own thing entirely i think, and the fact that i can get a two-for-one in this scenario is incredible. like, on top of the axe blocking proficiency that i presume comes with being proficient in the axe of the art, i also get added training in one-handed shield stuff? which one assumes can translate to "pick up Slab of Material for defense" in the same scenario where one is stuck without a shield/axe nearby? like are you gonna pay for gas too dude? you wanna shine my shoes? you wanna schneef my schnorf for me? yeah sure i'll take your seven thousand dollar check if you really wanna twist my arm about it. yknow

anyway if any experts on these topics want to disagree with me: dont

[toastthewolfie]

thinking a bit more abt alicia

(note: this’ll probably be updated but ive been working on this for a while and just want it to be DONE. Also i have NOT spellchecked this so apologies for any mistypes or incorrectly spelled word's (and grammar), but i am happy with it right now so here :3)

Small Overview: Alica ‘Cheetah’ Norris is my rainbow 6 siege oc. She’s a three speed one armor attacker and her ‘skill’ is a dart gun (the darts have a agent in them that causes temporary paralysis)

Small information thing that i dunno how to title: She’s 5’6, uses she/they, and is mixed (Latina/white, but she grew up in a mostly white American family so she’s not really in touch with her heritage).

Weapons: unsure what weapon she’s gonna use specifically but probably an assault riffle of some sort. Extremely unsure on secondary and gadgets (though probably flashbangs or frags)

rest under the tags bc LENGTH

Background/Past Experience Revamp: as ive said before, she’s a hostage negotiator. Except im changing her background quite a bit (she was part of the American ATF as a field agent before becoming a hostage negotiator but upon further research, she was part of SWAT (after a few years of being a patrol officer) after failing to get into the FBI and, despite how many of her instructors viewed her as mildly incapable due to ✨crippling anxiety✨(shes just like me fr), she managed to prove that she was in fact highly competent and able to defuse situations without too much training prior hence how she became a hostage negotiator at the age of 25 (shes older now so yay (EDIT: was reading over it and noticed i put 35 instead of 25 so sorry about that!)) and, despite not being military fbi, her skills on the field caught Rainbow’s attention, hence how she got in).

(fun fact: most of her scars actually come from setting up barbed wire, she hasnt had a lot of experience with it so she ended up cutting up her hands and lower arms when trying to learn it.)

Personality Revamp: While she’s still incredibly anxious, I’ve made her way more capable on the field. While off the field, she’s quite literally the definition of a ball of anxiety with legs, on the field the adrenaline steadies her nerves and throws her into the correct headspace to fight, though it’s kind of like a light switch. One moment she’s quietly freaking out and the next she appears completely calm and is talking strategy.

Counters: i dunno why ive just been thinking about this quite a bit 😭 Kure - I mean. She operates 2 robots. Im not an expert on robotics (far from it, i literally want to become an air traffic controller DO NOT QUOTE ME ON ANYTHING I YAP ABT) but im pretty sure that they’d be immune to a dart of paralytic fluid (unless maybe Alicia hits it in the right spot, and even then it’d be damaging the actual robot). Doc - Kind of in the sense that his stim pistol can reduce the affect of the dart (especially on himself) but im not 100% on this yet. Fenrir - This is more ‘lore’ based than game based but I imagine that Fenrir’s dread mines affect Alicia’s performance (aka exacerbating her already present anxiety). I was thinking about it and thought that the idea of Alicia nerfing herself via failed reloads would be really interesting! And then the idea that Fenrir’s dread mines (since they affect the mind for a short period of time) exist, what if Alicia has a chance of failing a reload while in the affected area, the chance increasing the longer one spends in the area.

Relationships: (Alicia is AroAce so none of these are romantic :3) Quite literally terrified of 90% of people on base. Most notably all the Russians, Zero, and Ash. She’s friendly with Blitz and Mozzie and acquainted with Fenrir (mostly due the fact that she has enough confidence in his loyalty to Rainbow) and Doc as she’s part of Wolfguard and likes being semi-acquainted with her team leader. (She is trying to expand the amount of people she’s acquainted with but it’s kinda hard when you’re scared of most everyone.)

Backstory: Okaaay Alicia’s backstory wasn’t really defined in the past but since my writing skills are better now, im working on it a bit more :D

Alicia was adopted by her parents (she doesn’t know her bioparents nor does she have any real interest in finding them) when she was 4. Her parents, however, were killed in a hit-and-run incident when she was 12, her aunt (Aurelia Norris)) then took custody of her (fun fact: both Aurelia and Alicia have poliosis!).

At the age of 18, she went into college for a degree in criminal psychology. After receiving her degree, alicia applied to her local police department (and the FBI but she was rejected, obviously), managed to become a patrol officer, and eventually joined SWAT where she proved her ability to defuse hostage situations in a pinch (despite almost everyone not believing it due to the fact that alicia was incredibly jumpy and panicky) hence her promotion of sorts to a crisis negotiator (that mostly focuses on hostage situations).

at the age of 32, she caught the attention of a few rainbow recruiters and after a bit of digging, she wasn’t considered for recruitment. It was only a year later when Rainbow was working with her unit and they finally got to see her operate, hence how she, after being recommended by her commanding officers, ended up in Rainbow.

Of course, there was a very large gap between her and the others as she was a crisis negotiator from a random ass town in who the fuck knows where (not me, thats for sure) America while these guys are the best of the best of their respective militaries (She does always try to keep up but she’s still a little behind on a few things) and that combined with her anxiety around change and these new people just kinda left her as a outsider (not that she really minded. It hurt sometimes, sure, but she already didnt talk a lot so..).

Callsign: Alicia got her callsign (Cheetah) from her speed, mostly. Cheetahs, while fast, are incredibly anxious, hence why people thought it was a good idea. Alicia hasnt really ever had a callsign so she just kinda rolled with it because what else was she to do. (She’s still not the most experienced with military culture and whatnot)

[keibea]

Get to Know Me - Sims Style

i was tagged by @amuhav because she loves me and knows i love doing these things

what's your favourite sims death?

ngl i dont actually have one, im terrified of any of my babies dying so they never do...but i guess old age maybe? because that means theyve lived a long life and ive played with them for a long time?

alpha cc or mm?

alpha HANDS DOWN...i dont hate mm by any means dont get me wrong, but ill always be an alpha girl at heart. its the alpha hairs, they always get me.

do you cheat your sims weight?

only if it fits their character i guess? not usually in gameplay.

do you move objects

i move objects every single day.

fave mod?

ooofff i mean out of necessity? nraas. but just the one i love? hands down pose player. mostly because i was so excited when i finally got it to work (i was like 13 or something and before then i could not figure out how to get mods to work) so a lot of happy memories from finally getting my sims to pose.

first expansion/game pack/stuff pack?

my first ever was sims 2 glamour life stuff pack when i was a kid. if we're talking sims 3, i believe the first pack i got was generations, which is still my favourite sims pack ever.

do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?

i pronounce it LIVE, always have as far as i know.

who's your favourite sim that you've made?

well, its gotta be elodie honestly. she and eli are the longest sims i have ever had and i love them both dearly. in the sims 4, its gotta be my girl pippa. before tumblr? i had this family called the moretti's, i miss them and i think about them way too often. i loved them all.

have you made a simself?

oh yeah. loads of times. i think ive shared my sims 3 and sims 4 variations on tumblr (but they look really weird tbh). i love making myself, cause then i can wear all these clothes i cant afford in real life.

favourite ea hair

im with aimee on this one.

im mostly joking, but usually sims 3 hairs are a no go for me, except for some store ones and the hairs that are pulled back into buns always look really nice. for sims 4, only the newer ones. the older ones are not for me.

favourite life stage?

young adult. i feel like you can always do more with young adult sims and you have so much more time (except in sims 1 i believe?and sims 2 only if u went to uni?? idk). 90% of my sims are forever young adults because i love that life stage so much.

are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

mate ive been trying to build for donkeys years to no avail. so im almost always in it for the gameplay.

are you a cc creator?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BAHAHAHA HA once upon a time bro maybe. your girl tries to be, but uni is a pain in my bottom, and sims 3 loves making my life difficult.

do you have any simblr friends or a sim squad?

somehow i do?? more friends then irl anyway. the girl gang is @thesimperiuscurse , @lazysunjade & @amuhav these 3 have put up with me despite my crazy personality for an incredibly amount of time and i love them all dearly. but i have so many friends on here its crazy (more than 3 people its incredible!). obviously they havent seen my real personality yet. besties include: @catharsim , @plumbobem , @johziii , @rollo-rolls , @moonsonnet , oh gosh im forgetting people I AM SO SORRY I LOVE U ALL SO MUCH

do you have any sims merch?

bro i wish, but no money. spent it all on anno 1800. no regrets.

do you have a youtube for sims?

i believe formally i do, but i dont post anything. i do have some ideas if i ever wanted to, but my adhd brain couldnt cope being consistent so i probably never will.

how has your "sims style" changed throughout your years of playing?

as in sims or gameplay? idk ill talk about both. gameplay wise, not much, except im weirdly a lot more controlling then i was over my sims WHOOPS. but i still cant get passed gen 2 so that hasn't changed. but i still prefer family gameplay, probably always will. and challenges, always challenges. sims wise? a lot.

this is one of the earliest sims i have photo evidence of. this was in 2018 i believe?

whose your favourite cc creator?

the people that are the cause of most of my cc obsession are @kerriganhouse , @rollo-rolls , @johziii , @joojconverts & @martassimsbookcc and probably a few more but mind blank

how long have u had simblr?

since 2020. one of the longest things ive ever committed to.

how do you edit your pictures?

with my blood, sweat and tears. im not joking, a lot of sweat and tears goes on when im editing.

what expansion/gamepack is your faveourite?

of all time? generations, no doubt in my mind. i never had any sims 1 or sims 2 expansions, so i never got to experience those unfortunately. generations was perfection though. i mean, boarding school? lifesaver. also led to the best sims series of all time: lifesimmer's generations. for sims 4 though? probably get together, purely because of the world.

[l0vegl0wsinthedark]

Greetings to you, my favorite writer!

This is not an ask, per se, just me trying to sing praises to you and your incredible talent.

Let's just say that I'm way on the older side of any social media, I've experienced the birth and rise of many fandoms and for many years I was observing in utter awe how creative passionate fans can be. Unfortunately I was never good with any creative means to express myself, so I had to resign to silently lurking and consuming the amazing content that others produced. On top of that, I am extremely shy and introverted, despite being old(ish), ergo the silent lurking part :)

But once in a while I come across something so beautiful, amazing and inspiring, that no amount of likes or kudos can suffice, and I have to reach out and tell the author directly how incredible they are.

You have probably deduced by now, that you are one of those creators, that have left me completely consumed by your works. Many years ago, when I stumbled into Drarry fandom and read most of the published fanfiction, I remember bookmarking your fics as the perfect ones, all of them! Throughout so many fandoms and literal thousands of fics, many of which are extremely talented and good, but yours were just... Perfect. As if written personally for me in accordance with all my emotions, wishes and kinks. I was so enamored that I couldn't imagine commenting and saying how much I loved it, because I am weird like that.

And years went by, but I would always reread your works regularly to get my fix of incredible fanfiction, and just admire your talent from afar.

And I've noticed that over the years your fics have become a reliable source of comfort for me as well, always there when I was going through a rough patch or a heartbreak.

So here I am, been comforted yet again by your amazing creations and finally brave enough to tell how much I appreciate your talent and how much your works mean to me. Thank you.

P S. I am sure there is a reason why you don't write anymore, but you will always have devoted fans who will always be hopeful.

I dont know what to say. I am v v v v v v grateful to you, FOR you. And im v v v v happy that you emerged from the shadows to leave me this bear-hug ask. And i hope v v v v v much that i write again too.

[sailoryooons]

Hiiiiiiiii, I stumbled upon knocked the other day and it was such a good read, which lead me to your masterlist. I had a huge feeling I would like what I find but didn’t expect for your writing to be that good! Knocked was just a taste of what was to come!!. First of all I just want to say that, you have brought me to tears reading these two fics which is something because I rarely cry reading books/fic. You just have a way of describing what your characters are going through that feels so raw. Like when yn cried and felt embarrassed because Taehyung read her diary. I don’t know if that was your intention but yeah had me shedding a few tears here and there. My two faves are Mixtape and The Iron Ring. Which is so funny to me because I usually dont like reading these tropes and I especially avoid Soulmates tropes/au like the plague 😭😭

But the way you build it up was just chef kiss. When she felt the pull for the first time, I really thought it’s because her grandma was associated with the Fae world, my mind didn’t even go there. Tbh I went in reading TIR not thinking too much and was sucked into this world you created just like yn a bit. I was just blown away how you built this world and normally I have difficulty imagining fantasy beings, like its hard for me to visualize a mental image but Jimin was so clear in my mind. I could see/imagine the hair, the outfits and even his eyes and teeth. There’s so much I wanted to say, like how I think Dreadwolf/jungkook is actually really cool and bit scary at first tho. Also Khioneeeeeee omg I want to know more about her plssssss. When she was talking to yn before the battle you could tell she lived and witness so many things and wow your mind is incredible for writing all of this actually! I also thought yn wouldnt make it by the end of the fic with the amount of time she kept blacking out 💀💀

I just want to say that TIR!yn was so unserious at times, the way she started giggling because seokjin asked her to bow that was sooo 😭😭😭😭 and the amount of references to GOT and ATLA . No i like her so much. Also the “checkmate” “that’s what she said” were just soooo 😭😭😭 I’m sorry but I laughed so much at these parts! Honestly would not mind a drabble of yn making jokes from her world while jimin is just ???? Okay I’m sorry this ask is all over the place but just wanted to let you know you’re an AMAZING WRITER and IM REALLY HAPPY I FOUND YOUR BLOG!!!!!!!! 💜💜💜💜

Ahhhhhhhh okay well HIIIII welcome to the chaos. I am so glad you found me! Knocked is definitely not what I would consider my usual writing, I'm definitely more fantasy/supernatural leaning but I am so glad that you liked it and that it brought you to me!

Mixtape is probably my favorite, just because it was the first series that I did on here and I absolutely fell in love with the friendships that I wrote for it. Reader's friend group holds a very special place in my heart and I really enjoyed writing gentle and patient Yoongi.

The Iron Ring is another fun one! That took AGES to write and there is a ton wrong with it/it's far from perfect but it's the first big fantasy piece that I put together so I am suuuper fond of it. I'm so glad that you felt sucked into the world because honestly, that is the number one thing I want to happen when I write fantasy. I want people to feel immersed and like reading the details is easy yet wonderful? I might revisit that world one day but there are sooooo many things I want to write.

Please never apologize for saying so many nice things I am kicking and screaminggggg you are so kind. I'm happy you found me!!!

[nemainofthewater]

Halfway through, and in the last 24 hours, Wang Pangxi has had a huge increase in votes, leaving him currently in joint first place with Meng Zhi with 31.2%, and with Tang Lian in third with 13%.

Due to a large amount of propaganda, there will be two posts, with the next one in the reblog. First set of tag propaganda under the cut:

Meng Zhi

by @readsintraffic

#there is a correct answer here and it is meng dage#it's literally his name. who is meng zhi? i don't know him I only know meng dage by @autistic-lanzhan

#I would hug meng dage so hard by @zhoudadudugongjin

#meng zhi SWEEP#nirvana in fire by @yuhengwanye

#the entire fandom calls him meng dage#to the point that due to autocorrect has birthed the#meng dave#meme#ming lou comes close but nah#Meng Zhi it is#usual disclaimer: has not seen some of these#also op lets pray none of a certain part(s?) of cql fandom find this#eta: ah too late by @xiaojingyan-jingwang

#of my favourite 3#Tang Lian is absolutely the brother to go to for advice#but I don't know if he'd be all that comfortable with the hugging#Ming Lou is the brother who would fix whatever mess you got into#but also not a big hugger#unless headlocks count#so Meng Zhi absolutely gets the vote#he's on your side even if he doesn't understand your drama#he's always happy to see you#and would give the most bone crushing hugs by @lasenbyphoenix

#correct answers only: it's meng zhi#he shows up on screen and the entire group chat starts chanting 'dage! dage!'#as the group chat buddy before me so tagged:#it's literally his name. who is meng zhi? i don't know him i only know meng dage by @thereismusicinmysoul

#i adore pangzi but most of the time he's got little brother with firecrackers energy#anyway meng dage please#polls by @listening-to-thunder

#nirvana in fire#meng zhi#he is literally Meng Da-Ge!!!!#the Da-Ge of all time! by @acesgroupchat

#god meng-dage#yeah#please#I bet he gives incredible hugs by @mikathemad

#ok im reblogging the dmbj edition bc its beautiful#but imo pangzi isn't brother he is husband#so i voted nif by @onmyo-jin

Xiao Pingzhang

#ohhh tricky#was going to go with pangzi because i bet he gives *great* hugs#but also. hard to catch him at a moment when he's not covered in Horrible Tomb Goop#I've seen what being Ming Lou's little brother gets you and No Thank You#so i think it has to be pingzhang#i think he's had time to get really embedded in his big brother lifestyle and knows what he's doing by @sinni-ok-sessi

Tang Lian

#ok obviously I voted for Tang Lian#but this poll is SO CRUEL#mostly because I have a favourite character type and it’s ‘older brother shaped tired babysitter’#literally just listing my favourite characters in every show here#SO CRUEL#so many of these characters deserve the win by @jianghushenanigans

#i voted tang lian but i was sooo tempted to go for nie Mingjue#dage is dage by @fire-burning-brighter

#tang lian#forever da shixiong#me want hug too#feels like jade deity's more of a mother hen vibe#a very fierce mother hen by @dramatictrajectory

#sorry pangzi#ilu but tang lian is probably in my top 5 of all time favourite characters ever of all times#gotta go with tang lian on this one#that man deserves a good hug#tang lian#polls by @elletromil

If there was ever a character who you'd want to give you a hug, these ones are it.

You know the saying: some are born a big brother, some become a big brother, and some have big brother status thrust upon them.

Write-ins, propaganda, and images are welcome!

[renewingagain]

thursday 9 may 2024 // 10:48pm

im really sad today

benjamin and i had a talk about what we are and we both ended up really upset by it. in short-

ben wasn't expecting the conversation to go how it did. he wanted a positive outcome and the idea that we were going somewhere

i basically said i'm not sure. and it is because of the anxieties i face in every day life.

right now, i have been looking for jobs in london, to move down there and start a new life. lately i haven't found anything good

gentle reminder while i write this - perhaps i need to start looking outside of the civil service

anyway. because i dont know whats happening with my future right now, whether i move to london or back home to birmingham, i just don't think committing to him is a good idea

how would it work if we go long distance? would i be able to see him?

if i moved (jobless) would i even be able to afford to see him?

if i move in whether home or massi's, how would i be able to see him regularly? i wouldn't be able to have him over lol. yes, i could occasionally stay with him. but i can't do that all the time, i need to treat (whoever's) house with respect

is it wise to move to a new city in a fresh relationship? i have never been keen on long distance

in some ways i am still exploring sexuality and what it means - do i want to be tied down to someone?

all these thoughts are just wracking my brain. i do think the main thing above it all though is the fact that there is an incredible uncertainty about how my future looks with anyone i date in conjunction with family

it just sucks that this is the reality for me and other LGBT kids. ben, thank god for it, has a generally normal and accepting family and has never had to deal with any family-related unaccepting drama of him being gay. and how i envy him for that massively. i wish i had that but i don't

i had to bring this up to him yesterday when we had our chat to explain how i feel. he cried because his feelings were hurt. i cried because i push this deep down but i had to bring it to the surface for his sake. i woke up to him crying in the middle of the night which broke my heart. he is generally so happy and goofy, i care about him so much and i hate that i have upset him

it is a tricky situation, we have never really had a proper chat about where we are going. we went exclusive and didn't date other people but that was about it. i guess we both should have had the foresight to bring this up earlier as it probably could have saved some hurt. but here we are!

i said this to his face but i just want him to be happy again. i feel like i've shot a puppy. its all so weird because really we only properly started dating since the end of feb, but it has been about 2 and a half months of us actually intentionally seeing each other regularly. it doesn't seem like a long time in hindsight but it has felt like a while, we have seen each other a lot! and have chatted quite a lot

have i led him on? maybe? was i aware i was doing it? not really. yes, i know he likes me a lot. i like him a lot. i actually love spending time with him. but i just didn't really know what was gonna happen when either he or i move away. he had the intention of making it work whereas i don't think i did. i wish i could have that intention, but my anxiety about life and everything else i mentioned above gets in the way of it. i was just enjoying it for what it is

i need to not be too hard on myself. in many ways i am obviously blessed. like i say before, even though the world has no hope right now, i have a roof over my head. i have a job. i earn an ok amount which at the moment allows me to live somewhat comfortably, even though i can't save money on it right now. however, i am evidently dealing with a lot of scared thoughts, anxiety, still about being LGBT and how my family and people around me would react. i have come so far in it already but i feel like moving home or to massi's or wherever is taking a step back in to the closet a bit. i won't have the freedom i truly need to live authentically as sadly, not all of my family would agree and be happy with it. i don't have it like ben does and others and it sucks greatly. i wish i could bring a guy home easily, as is the norm??

it sucks furthermore that whoever i date, they would be dragged in to this horrible mess. i don't ever want to impose this on someone else. however, it weaves it's way in into even the situationships. because, i still don't understand myself too. i still want these freedom's and to sleep around because i never felt like i could before. now that im owning my sexuality and dating around, would i want to do that even more in a new city? i wish i had a better upbringing where my parents spoke to me properly about these kinds of things. i know neither of them are perfect and we don't all have perfect lives. i don't resent them and i love them tremendously. but this is an area where they have failed and they don't even know it. but i don't even blame them for it. they are a different generation and they have had different upbringings to the way they raised me. and i know they love me. it really isn't their fault that this is sadly the way it is. it is just the world we live in, full of disagreement, miseducation, religious aspects etc. but i most definitely don't resent them. i just wish that in my formative years, it was better. soooo much of what i have learn't about myself, my sexuality, i've truly just had to do it alone. it just is the way it is!

re ben- i don't know what to do. ideally: i could keep seeing him and just enjoy him for who he is. but am i warped? most people don't do that as the norm. people enter relationships or they don't. it is categorically unfair to expect him to go along with it casually and just enjoy it for what it is too. his feelings are too deep i think.

i need to know where his head is at when we reconvene

do we just end it then? do we just keep it going until he or i move? i don't even know if i could do that either. i would miss him when he goes. so its like what is the point of us still seeing each other. but i still want to. i just love his company and i just like hanging out with him. he's so silly. he's so sweet to me. sooooo sweet. he's very innocently beautiful

i wish i met him at another time in my life, not this point where i don't know what the fooook is going on

i feel like i accept too many things as being ok when they are not. my head just feels so warped, dull, and non-functioning right now. i feel like i can't think and that my brain just doesn't understand itself. i feel like a CPU trying to run several processes at once and then nothing happens besides error messages popping up saying they can't compute the tasks. my brain struggles to compute things and i can't think properly sometimes

on top of this, i am just generally feeling a bit hopeless again about what my future holds. it is going to be hard. but i must remember, really, i do have a wealth of information at my fingertips right now. a bit of tough love, but i am currently using a powerful machine, the macbook pro m3 which i am privileged to have. i also have a phone. rather than bloody doom scrolling, i can start to learn and research and actually just try things and learn new things all through the power of the internet. i just have to put the work in to find some resources but all the information really is here and available to me. for almost anything really.

i can still make music too and enjoy this. i can still go on a run too and enjoy that. because i have the freedom to do so

i don't want to feel lonely. i will miss ben when he goes. i don't want to stop talking to him. but yk, if we did stop talking, life does go on and he won't be the only good person i meet in my life. relationships come and go. i hope he knows it too that he is so loved. i wish he wasn't insecure, he's sexy and an absolute catch

[studiobeebo]

IM SO GLAD I COULD CONVINCE U BC ITS FANTASTIC AND I HOPE MORE PPL GET INTO IT! and im literally the biggest slut for aquariums so ty ty and hope u enjoy 🤙🏽 @alibrick1

♡ Aquarium Date ♡

Soshiro Hoshina x Unspecified Gender! Reader

as always if y’all enjoy this please remember that reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

“What’s so funny?” You huffed, giddiness at the sight of the incredible creature in the tank in front of you quickly turning to suspicion upon turning away to look for where your boyfriend could have wandered off to, only to find him standing a few feet behind you, laughing.

“Nothin’.” He chuckled, a smile still on his face as he closed the distance between the two of you, though now his eyes were on the large whale shark that passed by behind you, which was arguably where his attention should have been considering the two of you didn’t go to the aquarium just stare at each other, but he couldn’t help his focus shifting to you more often than not.

Things at the base had been a bit hectic to say the least and being the vice captain, that chaos naturally landed right in his lap and he was expected to take a large part in getting things under control. That combined with the fact that you hadn’t exactly gotten off easy yourself meant that the two of you had been seeing very little of one another, which was generally expected due to your jobs and the fact that he was never really ‘off duty’ due to his position, but you’d barely had time to do anything aside from maybe eat lunch together and even that had become rare.

To be honest, he was arguably more put off by your lack of time together than you were, yet it was you who ended up finally requesting to get a weekend off with him.

While you decided to shoot high by asking your captain if her vice captain could be included in your time off, you were expecting her to draw the line at him considering the amount of work that had to be done, but to your surprise she agreed. It was something about how she knew good performance stemmed from a well rested mind, but all you heard was ‘you get a weekend off with your boyfriend’ and you were practically running down the hall ordering shinkansen tickets to Osaka and texting Soshiro simultaneously. He didn’t believe it at first, but he was more than happy to agree so here you were, at the Kaiyukan aquarium on a well deserved weekend off.

He himself was pretty impartial to aquariums and zoos, he dealt with insane creatures damn near everyday so there was never really anything about the attractions that really drew his attention. You, on the other hand, were someone who had become very good at drawing his attention and he’d caught himself staring a good handful of times throughout your day.

It was partially because of your looks, especially since you had gone all out considering the fact that you rarely got to do so, but mostly because this was the first time he had seen you looking excited and happy in a while. Usually when you saw one another, you were both exhausted and just about out of any energy you could muster, so seeing you looking into the various fish filled tanks with a wide smile playing on your lips and an extra pep in your step was more than enough to give him reason to stare.

He only laughed because he couldn’t believe himself for being so romantically cringey, plus it was funny seeing you practically smash your face against the glass to get a better look at the gentle giant that swam by every once in a while, but he was quick to act like he definitely-totally-100% wasn’t laughing at you.

“ ‘Nothin’ “, you mocked while gently elbowing him in the ribs before leaning into his side as he feigned dramatic pain. “You’re a shit liar, I can always tell when you’re laughing at me.”

“I don’t know what you mean.~” He hummed, this time letting out an actual ‘ow’ upon receiving a kick to his foot as he wrapped an arm around your waist. “Just in a good mood ‘s all.”

You hummed, shifting your eyes to look at him before looking back at the display before you. You liked to act like you didn’t care in retaliation to the amount of teasing you received from him, but you really did want him to have a fun weekend to relax a bit. You had been a tad bit worried that he might have wanted to spend his small slice of free time having time for himself, not that you would blame him, so you were relieved to see the lack of tense body language that you had been seeing in him as of late and a genuine smile on his face.

“In a good enough mood to buy me dinner?” You challenged with a raised brow, not wanting to dwell on being mushy for long as he let out a laugh of his own while giving a gentle squeeze to your waist.

“You’re not very good at being persuasive.”

“What do you want me to do, pose?”

“God no, that would be embarrassing and then I’d have to act like I don’t know who you are.”

You rolled your eyes and let out a faux huffy “Fine then.”, though when you went to pull away from him he was quick to tighten his grip, reflexes as fast as ever as he pulled you closer and muttered a resigned “Fine, fine.” against your skin while pressing a playful kiss on your temple.

“Gross, people are gonna think we’re dating or something.” You teased, this time actually wiggling out of his grasp to get a move on as your hunger began to creep up on you at the mention of dinner.

He simply smiled, moving to follow after you as he had done so many times before and would probably end up doing until the day he died.

“Yeah, well-“ He started, lacing his fingers with yours as he caught up. “Guess we’ll just have to tell them I got lucky.”

[skullrock]

Haven’t watched it yet but I need to know everything. What’s bad. What’s good. Is there actually any character development. Etc

here u go (spoilers under cut)

the good:

-camera work is pretty interesting and amazing - really dynamic scenes

-the party is incredible. matured but still dorks, super funny interactions, growing apart and yet together

-eddie munson is hands down one of the best characters of all time

-so is argyle who served as amazing comedic relief

-lots of amazing steve scenes. they are really feeding us with his screen time and we are learning lots about him which is really nice (i.e he was canonically co captain of the hawkins swim team and a lifeguard for 3 years)

-sadie sink needs an emmy for this. for real. she like completely shot up to the very top of my faves list

-b*lly is dead 🧚‍♀️🌈💖 and dear billy (specifically the letter) was handled very well imo. it was very realistic and just what i wanted

-joyce and murray comedic duo of the ages

-stobin scenes that are amazingly off the charts

-steve’s love life aspect is being handled really nicely except for the stancy thing (see below)

-robin is finally becoming a fleshed out character and we are learning SOOOO MUCH about her it’s really awesome and i cry

-steve bites the fucking bat he bites the bat it’s soooooo. the scene where he’s getting attacked is un fucking real i was crying from happiness (im a freak i’m twisted i’m sick)

-hopper’s backstory is really nicely done he goes on lots of monologues

-his gulag bff is so … one of my fave side characters for sure. genuinely liking all of the new characters

-the twists? are insane. you WILL NOT be ready for them no matter how many spoilers or theories you’ve seen

-suzie is fucking awesome

-demogorgon is back

-we get lots of callahan and powell which rocks my socks they’re super funny

-lots of other things - i’ll try to add more as i think of them

the bad:

-quite honestly the worst part is how much stancy is being pushed. it’s extremely annoying and makes my feel ill. even robin is pushing it which is so fucking bizarre? i got the impression from s3 that robin would be nearly as touchy about steve and nancy as steve is so it’s very odd when she’s like. “ohhh you know steve and i are just friends. one of the best things about this stuff is reigniting old flames.” overall the stancy shit is super weird but i have a theory behind it that’s probably wrong. either way i i’ll don’t see if amounting to anything

-some of the cgi is like ??? but it’s ok it’s brief and not what i’m watching for

-el’s plot line is rly bizarre i think but it was also convoluted so i might just be fatigued from watching all that content in a short time

-i’ll think of more but the stancy thing is really uncomfortable owjdkek

in terms of character development - i think pretty much all of the characters from seasons prior have shifted into rather mature versions of themselves save for jonathan but it’s okay because he’s allowed to go thru it <3 like not to say they’re not funny or anything but everyone is quite wise. they didn’t even go huh the murders are weird :/ they were IMMEDIATELY like hey maybe this has to do with the mind flayer let’s investigate. erica has the best character development it’s very sweet to watch her grow up and if you didn’t like her character in s3 i feel certain you will now

i hope that was a good write up!!

[mx-matched-knickknacks]

HERE WE GO [Under the Read More cause I already know it's gonna be loong LMAO]

Bfbfvegege maybe I am praising him too much in this and yeah maybe someday I'll go back to this post and cringe, but hell, lifes short and the internet is forever, right? I don't really go on Autism rants about my interests often, so if your looking for trouble simply keep scrolling thank you very muchh 💚💚 (and im sorry if anything written comes off as rude, that is not my intention i promise)

Well... here we are. I think it's fitting that now, at the end of this era, I write one big love letter to Joost and this fanbase hahaha XD

As many of us approach knowing of Joost for HALF A YEAR (holy shit, already?!) and we finally get the answer that he's not going back to ESC next year, I can't help but be nostalgic :•}

Obviously getting really into this Dutch artist was not expect haha, but ohh what a ride it's been so far. And because of TikTok of all things XD As an American fan, finding him was purely by chance, but I'm ever so grateful I did. Ive spent so much of my freetime watching the live Europapa performence over and over and over again, folding and cutting and glueing those cute little paper dolls of him, scrolling endlessly on TT for every little bit of love shown, watching every interview and live performance hes done (and all the concerts he played at!!!)... and also spending maybe a little bit too much money shipping Chrome Magazine over to the US lol ^^; This probably wont sound like much to you, but this one man somehow managed to disrupt my ongoing 4 year streak of a different special interest! How about that!!!

Now... ive seen both wonderful and absolutely terrifying things from this fanbase, if im gonna be totally honest... ^^; but overall id say my experience has been pretty good! Obviously I have not interacted with ppl within this space much (as often happens with my interests sadly) but yall who do act right are pretty damn cool and extremely talented !!!!! (And huuge shoutout to those who work hard to translate from Dutch to English too, like JoostSubs on twt!!!!) ^^ This kind of creativity is what Joost wants to inspire!! Remember that!!! And I do want to take more steps into being more active in the fanbase in the future <3

Now about Joost himself...

I don't think I've ever know of anyone who's star shines as bright as his. Through time and turmoil he remains steadfast and ever so kind to those around him (almost to a fault). With his friends; Stuntje, Apson, Lyon, Tantu, Donnie, Alanis (and all the rest of em!) He's shown incredible amounts of love and care for :'•) Even after becoming such a big name worldwide, he still remained in a state where he can still do what he loves with the ones he cherishes most and that's just so damn wonderful to me 💙💙💙 His pure unadulterated silliness, his infectious joy and positivity, and how he unabashingly is himself no matter where he goes are qualities i really do look up to in him. Just the most wonderful guy I've ever seen whos sooo full of whismy...

Though I can't relate personally to the meanings behind most of his songs, I don't think that prohibits me from still appreciating just how much heart and soul he puts into them. And seeing all the people who have been helped and felt heard bc of his music... it just makes me very happy, yknow? Is that so cringe to feel?

I don't wanna talk as much about his disqualification and that interview he did earlier today (for not focusing too much on the negative), but I do firmly believe that he was treated extremely unfairly just in general by... certain groups (you know the ones). I will say that I am very glad Tantu called them out tho 😁😁. The decision of not going to ESC 2025 being last minute did sort of surprise me tbh. Maybe one day he'll release the song he made for next years ESC, but it did seem to cause all of them a lot of ultimately unneeded stress... so I wouldn't be surprised if that's something released in the far future. I really do hope that Joost and his friends can spend good time healing from everything that has happened since May, whatever way they find suitable.

I don't think I'll be leaving this fanbase anytime soon (or will be able to LOL), but as we reach sunset of this "Europapa" Era, I want to say:

Gabberland Era here we come!!!

Love Always Wins #LAW

Unity forever and ever 💙💙💙

#JoostKlein2025

Be normal, be healthy

No matter where this future takes us, I'll be forever grateful to have Joost in my life 💚💚💚💚💚

Ty for reading my silly rant :'•} mwah mwah

Lord help me I'm about to type up all my thoughts about Joost after that interview 🙏🙏 /lh