#im an angel who goes along with heaven as much as i can

[ineffableaddiction]

The Guardian, The Dauntless

Angel Name: Aziraphale, Principality, Supreme Archangel

Human Names: AZ Fell, Mr Fell, Dr McFell, Brother Francis, Mr Cortese

Since before space and time as we know it existed, Aziraphale has been trying to protect others. Whether warning other angels against what he thought might get them into trouble, giving a weapon to humans cast out into the wilderness, trying to save souls or averting the apocalypse, he will do what he believes is right.

Even if it means putting himself in a dangerous situation, Aziraphale has a moral compass that guides him, and sometimes risks himself rather than go against his personal beliefs.

A natural risk taker, he can sometimes come across as brave and other times as foolish, but to overlook his intelligence puts others at a disadvantage. In the pursuit of knowledge, Aziraphale is willing to alter his viewpoints if he learns new information that has the potential to help others.

When his former boss shows up unexpectedly, Aziraphale is worried that Gabriel doesn’t have anyone to help him, even though he was the person who tried to permanently destroy Aziraphale with hellfire. When he finds someone in need, no matter who they are, he wants to help, no matter the cost to himself.

Aziraphale honestly believed he would be thrown into hell for saving Job’s children, yet chose to do it anyway. It was what he thought was right and remained steadfast in his convictions.

He is compassionate

He will risk anything if he thinks it’s for the right reasons

He wants to protect all life on Earth

Will adjust his views and grow as an angel/human-shaped being as he learns new things

[noemilivv]

OML IF U HAVE TIME, CAN U DO HAZBIN CHARACTERS AND ITS LIKE WHAT THEY Have THEIR S/O'S NAME IN THEIR PHONE, LIKE JUST THEIR NAME OR A NICKNAME, LIKE MY PAIN IN THE ASS OR SMTH, IM RAMBLING BUT AHHHHHHH

-🎺 ANON

HELLO 🎺 ANON !! i’m starting this request before your other one because im still braining storming for that one 😭😭 but yes ofc enjoy !

Hazbin (Main) Cast and their contact names for s/o

Including: Charlie Morningstar, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Alastor, Sir Pentious, Husk, Lucifer Morningstar

Warnings: GN!Reader with Masc implied in Angel’s part and Fem implied in Vaggie’s

Charlie Morningstar

Her contact name for you is…

My Ray of Sunshine☀️❤️

Reason:

I don’t think much needs to be said about this one haha. But you ARE her sunshine, you keep her going, and you keep her happy, and who could ask for more?

Vaggie

Her contact name for you is…

My girl 💕💕

Reason:

There’s no specific origin behind this one, but when she talks about you to others she goes ‘Oh yeah, she’s my girl…’ or something along those lines

Angel Dust

His contact name for you is…

Handsome 💋

Reason:

You’re his handsome partner, and he thinks everyone who sees his contact name should know that!! /hj

Alastor

My belief is that Alastor doesn’t have a contact for you, because he has an old phone, but one that still works with your modern one

But he’s sure as hell not getting a VoxTech one…

Sir Pentious

His contact name for you is…

Beloved❤️

Reason:

Although he is old school like Alastor, I don’t believe he’s totally opposed to the newer technology like Alastor is

The reason is plain and simple though, you ARE his beloved, his PERSON and honestly, he would scream it out to the whole world if you told him haha

Husk

His contact name for you is…

King/Queen of Hearts ♥️ (Or for my fellow enby folks who like gender neutral terms ‘Jackpot😍🎰’)

Reason:

Look, I know he’s probably not fond of his time as a gambler, but these names were too cute not to use, okay?!

Reason being is, you ARE the king/queen who won his heart, you ARE the one lucky jackpot that no one else got except for him — your a blessing :)

Lucifer Morningstar

His contact name for you is…

My Angel❣️

Reason:

Has a strong belief that you don’t belong in Hell, someone as sweet as you should go straight up to Heaven!

Thinks you’re the sweetest thing, and his most common petname for you is probably my angel, so boom! That’s his contact name!

[kairolee2004]

Heyyy I saw requests were open. Can you do a demon slayer one with Haganezuka , Rengoku, Gyomei, and Tengen if they were readers husband (individually ofc)(srry idk how to put it😭🫶🏾)

OMG!!! One of my first actual requests!!! Im so excited >^<

For this request tho, I’m sadly not going to do Haganezuka because I don’t know him that much ;-;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If … Rengoku was your husband!

‘My Phoenix … I promise you that i’ll be back from this mission. You are the light of my life, the reason for fighting, and my will to live. Dear god I love you (Reader)’

• ❤️‍🔥 He definitely calls his Husband/Wife/Spouse, Lil fire phoenix 

• ❤️‍🔥 It gives him this feeling of peace and intimacy when calling you that.

• ❤️‍🔥 And when he does come back from missions, thats all he wants. These feelings throughout the first day back.

• ❤️‍🔥 Of course, he takes you out to eat as well for the first couple days. He says all the time that when he was out on missions, he saw these places and had to try them with you.

• ❤️‍🔥 We already know our lovely fire boy can cook! And he likes to do that as well.

• ❤️‍🔥 Bro fr is clingy af! But in a good way, he never wants his pride and joy to feel overwhelmed.

• ❤️‍🔥 When its your guy’s anniversary, Rengoku goes ALL out.

• ❤️‍🔥 This man is definitely taking your cute ass on a trip throughout the places he has been. He wants his love to see the beauty he has seen.

• ❤️‍🔥 He leaves small gifts for you throughout the month of your guy’s anniversary. What I mean by small is, tokens, hairpins, hand-crafted jewelry and for the last gift, he either gets you a komono that matches his. Fire, flames and all!

If … Tengen was your husband!

‘When I first saw you, my precious angel, I saw my future. The person I would want around my wives and me. Someone who I knew would be by my side. Dearest (Reader), I love you greatly and no amount of compliments and fortune will change that.’

• 💎 Tengen has a soft spot for his new wife/husband/spouse, no doubt about it.

• 💎 When he first saw you he thought you were so gorgeous and flashy!

• 💎 He loves to spend time with you a lil bit more than his other significant others. It’s not right, sure. But he can’t help it!

• 💎 You are everything to this man- and DO NOT get me started on how much this man spoils you.

• 💎 New hairpieces, new jewelry and clothes. Need a new kimono? He’ll get you 20 more! Need to by gifts for someone? You already know he is paying.

• 💎 Not him joking all the time about him being your sugar daddy!

• 💎 This man sings you to sleep- DO NOT TELL ME OTHERWISE!

• 💎 Y’all eat out a lot of the time because Tengen can’t cook to save his life-

• 💎 Protective as hell, doesn’t really like when you want to go to town all by yourself. Needs to show everyone that ‘you belong to him’

• 💎 Full grown ass man will throw a pissy fit if you don’t give him morning kisses

If… Gyomei was your husband!

‘The sunrise can not compare to your beauty. Fire cannot compete with your passion to help others and I love that about you, (Reader). For years and years I have seen you … now at the moment it may sound unbelievable. But as I grew closer to you, my 4 senses allowed me to create a beautiful image of you, Darling, and I can see you and your exhilarating beauty. I love you (Reader).’

• 🐉 This passionate motherfuc- He basically lives on praising you. Can’t help it, he sees you as a god/goddess/deity

• 🐉 Waking up next to this man is actually heaven! He holds onto just tight enough so that you feel protected but yet can still breathe.

• 🐉 When it’s time to get up, he makes the BEST breakfast ever. It’s healthy for one, and it tastes delicious. Of course your manz makes your favorite drink and dish along side it.

• 🐉 Gyomei loves to carry you. At home, on the road, at the main house- ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE!

• 🐉 kiss this mans neck and HE. WILL. FOLD!!

• 🐉 Actually thinks on a regular day basis on having a family with you.

• 🐉 Seems like the type of husband to help you cook, clean and take care of daily task. Hell, he might do them before you can.

• 🐉 When he goes on missions, he sends you letters every single day. No joke, you got a book FILLED with letters he written you.

• 🐉 He got you a matching necklace and prayer chain for your guys anniversary. And then proceeded to tell you he got it “enchanted” with good luck.

• 🐉 Poor baby has a tendency to cry when yall part for long periods of time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OMG I FINALLY GOT MY FIRST REQUEST DONE!!! Omg I am so happy, had a little help from my bestie who loves these 3 men as well Hahahah- Thx for reading! <3

Reminder! Requests are: OPEN

[stolasgoetia-alt]

I like to hoard my concepts in the hopes I’ll eventually act on them but that likely won’t happen so here. Please credit if you make something of it, I’d love to see.

—

Angel Dust is the next to get redeemed to Heaven. No one expects it, he himself least of all. He’s reluctant to adjusting to life as it is in Heaven. Despite Charlie’s efforts to redeem him, he’s always known the end goal wasn’t exactly his scene, and this is proved to him as he’s shown around the pearly gates. He doesn’t even know what to do up there, or what he can do- it’s so different from the life he’s used to. It’s recommended to him that he meets up with family members he might have not seen in years. He glowers. He knows none of his mafia family members made it to heaven. Except for…

Molly. And he runs into her. He didn’t expect it, but he gets emotional. He didn’t realize fully how he missed her. There’s so much he wants to say and so little he’s proud to share, but before he can say a word he’s cut off by a “I’m sorry, who are you?”

What, did you think the eternally enthusiastic and squeaky clean innocent people of Heaven would remember their missing loved ones, their loved ones that had been damned? They can’t.

This sets Angel in motion. He’s getting out of here. There’s nothing for him here anyway. He thinks of the austere, pristine environment. The hush around the mildest curse word. And he puts into action a strange plan that just might work. He’s going to “sin” his way back to Hell.

I’d imagine his spree is disruptive but not deadly, and more violent than sexual in terms of what ‘sinful behavior’ he goes for. Breaking windows, looting, mild arson, spreading drugs and alcohol among the angels, making the uptight faint from the most childish of curse words and cackling all the way.

Pentious catches wind of Angel’s new course of action and takes it as his responsibility, having been redeemed before Angel, to right Angel’s wrongs. Pentious doesn’t know what Angel is aiming to do and just sees chaos rising. Pentious can’t lie that the chaos still is tempting for him, but, being so dramatic in his dedication to his new role, he does just as Charlie taught him and apologizes furiously as he races along always a few steps behind Angel. “IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY” -as if very earnestly patting little kiddie bandaids on gaping wounds.

After some time of this Angel does get what he wants and is sent back to Hell.

But the damage he accomplished in Heaven is lasting, and not in the way you might think. The people of heaven are remembering or being introduced to their vices thanks to the reintroduction of sex, violence, drugs and alcohol to their society among many other things. And before the seraphim could even hope to ease everyone, the people of heaven have slipped into completely neutral ways of life - leading into turmoil over what can truly be called a sin or something that makes one worthy of hell.

Because if half the things they used to penalize for are still sins, they now have to send almost the entirety of heaven down.

[emmastarr999]

So I was thinking about the "I'm a demon. I lied" line. Because it's easy to remember the "just an angel/demon that goes alone with heaven/hell as much as he can" parallel, but there's another line that gets repeated twice in the minisode, right?

And the thing that got me thinking is, the first time, well, it wasnt true. When they meet Job's children and Crowley goes "Im here to destrroooyy you all" (10/10 delievery would watch again) and Aziraphale is all "but you said you wouldnt kill them!" and Crowley delievers the first "I'm a demon, I lied" line.... he doesnt kill the kids. He hasnt been lying.

So later on, when Aziraphale confronts him about the lonely line, and Crowley admits to having lied about not being lonely... What if that, too, wasnt exactly a lie?

One thing that didnt sit right for me, with all this talk about lying, is that season 1 Crowley made a point of never having lied to Aziraphale. I cannot exacly remember the line but it was something like "when have I ever lied to you?" and Aziraphale went all "well you are a demon it's in the job description" and Crowley brushed it off with a "well im not lying" and they kept on talking about the hellhound. But Crowley is not a liar: on the contrary, season 1 heavily played with the subversion trope of the angel that lied (I dont know where the antichrist is, Crowley, I dont even like you, Crowley) and the demon who was honest, direct, even trusting.

I get that this wasnt to be taken so literally, and things can have different levels of meaning, but the focus that they put on the lying part is intentional, so that took me back to the original point: what if Crowley, in the Job minisode, hadnt been lying at all?

The thing is, when he almost killed the kids, at first he wanted Aziraphale to believe him. He wanted for Aziraphale to take him seriously as a demon, to frighten him a bit, and he wanted to prove him wrong, to some extent. See, you dont really know me. See, Im not the angel you mentioned before. But at the end of the day, it was a mask. Crowley hadnt lied.

So what about the lonely part? Aziraphale thought he was going to hell, and Crowley swore to not tell anyone. Some could argue it was the first time Crowley actually saved him. Ans then they kept talking.

Now, picture this: you are a demon, who is different from all the other demons, and pretty soon you decided to create your own side, so to speak. You meet this gorgeous angel who gave away his sword and is kind to you and you think that maybe, you know, maybe. Then you meet him again before the flood and you think that you must have been wrong, that he is actually just like the rest of them, because how could he stand there and watch God kill all those people? All those kids? So you truly are alone. But then. But then. Then you see him again and he talk about saving Job's kids, he wants you to go against God's plan, and he eats something that you offer him, and you talk, and you think yes, this one, this one.

That night, when he tells Aziraphale that he is "just a demon that goes along with hell as much as he can", and Aziraphale asks him if he is lonely, Crowley doesnt really have to lie.

And then, on thar bench, in the most absurdly beautiful scene ever conceived, Aziraphale is so distressed when Crowley tells him that he is "an angel who goes along with heaven as much as he can" (basically saying that they are on their own side for the first time but its fine I dont have any strong feeling on this topic or anything).

But Aziraphale looks so sad.

And its clear that its far too early for any of those talks, that Aziraphale is still brainwashed and they have spoken for a total of maybe 4 times in a millennia, so Crowley retreats. And he goes back to the lonely line.

But when he said that he wasnt lonely, he wasnt lying. He has never lied to Aziraphale, back from the beginning.

So that's it, tell me what you think about it! I may be getting it wrong but its been buggering me for a while, and I'd love to hear your opinion on this!

[catdemonb-tch]

I like the Sinner!Reader goes to heaven shot ❤️

Can you write a part 2 when Redeemed!Reader missed their friends and all, in Hazbin Hotel but got an idea and sharing to heaven citizens to help the sinners in hell since the redemption project worked (pretty sure there are some angels who love to help and believing in redemptions and some Earthborn angels who do understand what's is like to sin or making mistakes during their lives before going to heaven)

Meanwhile, the Hazbin Crew doing their work and missing their friend in Heaven terribly, but they've got a surprised visit from the Reader and they're super happy to see them again (and almost worried why they went back to hell again but the reader is still in a angel form) and also surprised to see some amount of angels behind the Reader

Redeemed!Reader be like "Hi everyone!!! I missed you guys SO MUCH !🥺❤️......don't worry i'm not in trouble or anything, i'm here to visit you guys to help 😉 ......aaaaand i did talk to the people in heaven about my afterlife in hell and the redemption project and some of my new friends want to volunteer to help us too!!!😁 Is that okay they come in too? They have some ideas they want to share it you Charlie 😊"

Hazbin Crew might get along to some angels~

Everyone is so happy youre back!

Prepare to be bum rushed by Charlie

The angels werent too keen on helping Charlie honestly

They didnt want the overpopulation to start in Heaven as well

Prepare to work your ass off

Especially after realizing it works

Sooooo many demons chose to try redemption as they dont believe they should be there (even tho most of them should)

Sorry this took so long! And im sorry its short!

[kaeyx]

i've been always thinking abt this but im unsure...what would be fyodor's reaction about reader who's fallen angel and the doa as whole? for no absolute reason he may take advantge of her or smth like that

For Fyodor it would just reinforce his beliefs, I think. Also angels are messengers of god, so you have to be a message or carry a message, right? Of course he'd think the message is permission to do what he was going to do anyway, or that you're reinforcements for whatever wars he's got to fight. Whatever he needs you to be, you will be.

Nikolai is so curious about you, about heaven, about your powers, your job, everything. And very happy for you that you've been liberated from your cage, that divine purpose instilled in you from your creation. Might not like it if you take up too much of Fyodor's attention but hey, this just means you two can team up. This really depends on your personality, but his end goal is to have someone who likes his jokes and goes along with his games and riddles.

Sigma extends his condolences. Getting torn away from everything you know only to land yourself here? With the doa? If you ever need anything, he's got a room at the casino empty for you to hide in. Overall he's the one that cares the least about you being an angel.

[androids-insides]

Woah. Forgot I had this.

It’s a while dated, namely because I wrote this after I watched Series 2 and the whole Coffee Theory was going around and I wanted comfort with the ending, etc.

Just getting it out of my drafts, I guess. (Since I’m busy doing stuff)

Good Omens, Final Fifteen and Series 3 Theory

Spoilers, if that’s still relevant??

One of the two questions I always ask people when I want to talk about the show is:

“What of Aziraphale at the end of Season 2,”

and

“Where do you think the story will go in Season 3?”

Im gonna write about the first one 🙃

“What the f&@$, Aziraphale??” Is what I said, verbally, after I watched the finale of Season 2: all of this building on both sides, all of this work and very obvious something between the two, and you up and leave?? “That’s out of pocket, even for you!!” After a lot of valid points from other people, and some looking of my own, I have found a concrete answer on what I think to have happened. (This is all personal theory and not, in any means, factual)

First of, I’d like to say that I don’t entirely agree with The Coffee Theory (the impression that the Metatron spiked the coffee he gave Aziraphale, with something that is controlling his mind, to my understanding) While, if it were the case, I wouldn’t hate it, I just think there’s too many variables that make it seem kind of outlandish. If the Metatron wanted him to be “under control,” I think he would just miracle it. I’m not entirely sure if there’s some rule that angels can’t miracle angles, and vice versa with demons, but Aziraphale and Crowley did miracle “Jim,” which did affect every other angel and demon, so I don’t think it’s impossible. Not to mention that the Metatron is the closest angel to God herself, so he could rightfully do whatever he wants and get away with it. So, why go through the extra steps of putting it in a coffee? It seems tedious, and sort of strange that he’s forcing Aziraphale to make the decision. Like most of heaven, I think his goal is to manipulate, rather than to physically control.

I see the coffee as a sort of bribing point. With my extensive “research,” we’ll call it, in manipulation, I see this as an act to take his guard down and a way to earn trust: Trojan horse your way in. “No one who is evil would offer gifts!” From there, you just offer him what he wants. “He stopped the end of the world last time? Give him a spot in head office. Let him think he’s in charge and can make a change. In fact, let’s throw in some torture, and ironically have him help plot The Second Coming, unable to stop what he has done after he realises that he can’t.” Yaknow, because he’s not tortured enough, or something.

In regards to it being his decision, rather than force, it’s not only a huge notion, but obviously a tragic one, which I think fits better for the narrative of the story. Aziraphale is likely thinking “I have an opportunity to fix the broken. The Second Coming is on its way no matter what, but if I were up there, maybe I could sabotage it? Help them see that this is morally wrong, wether God’s word or not - and I can have Crowley by my side through it all? That’s quite a perk! We always work so well together…” yada yada yada, he trails off on how in love he is. It’s not entirely that he chose Heaven over Crowley, I think, but more so he has chosen to fix the world to a point that staying with him is not a bad thing, as is his nature. He’s looking out for the future. Meanwhile, Crowley is thinking, “This world is ruined. There is nothing we can do to fix it, this opportunity is a trap. Our best bet is to run away - make our own world, where being together isn’t a crime. This is a lost cause, and as much as you want to, the truth is that you can’t fix it.” Yada yada yada, he goes off on how Aziraphale’s quirks and such are kind of annoying, but saying it in a fashion that’s a lot more along the lines of “but it’s so cute,” etc. If only they could communicate, but then there would be no story 🙃

The fact that it is his decision makes it a kajillion times worse, which I believe to be the Metatron’s plan in order to separate them, out of fear of what they can do together, ie. The Jim miracle. With that rocky of a send off, it will likely take a very long time for them to forgive one another, (Crowley to forgive Aziraphale) assuming that they even see each other again.

I’m not sure if I’m being apologetic to either character, or if I’m just making something up to feel better, but I really do think that this is what either of them were trying to get across with saying things like “You can’t leave this bookshop,” “Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever,” “no, suppose does…” I’m sure we’ve seen enough of what that exchange means to each other from either point of view.

Better yet, I am hopeful that Aziraphale has a plan: I have almost no evidence for this, other than hope and the end credits scene. I really didn’t want to believe Aziraphale to be the sort of being to be more willing to leave Crowley than to leave Heaven, but I did get myself thinking, as I do, and once I got to the credits, I knew that Aziraphale must have a plan of some kind, denial or not. I know for a fact that we can see every thought that goes through his head. He is very facially expressive. In the end credits, when he’s in the elevator to heaven, he switches very frequently between a depressed resting face, to a genuine smile, all lost in thought. He may be excited to have an opportunity to change things, and lead the people that used to put him down, yet depressed that he had to leave his beloved behind to do so. He may be overwhelmed with sadness, but is trying to keep a happy facade because the Metatron is right in front of him, but something really screams “plotting” to me. I hope he’s counting all the ways to burn Heaven into hell and back again. Scheming ways to turn Heaven on itself and to destroy it from the inside out. To return to Crowley, heavy with exhaust and mutter into his arms “God is dead.” Disclaimer, most of that is an over exaggeration. I don’t think Aziraphale would kill anyone unless he entirely needed to. Not to mention that I find the story reminding us that Aziraphale isn’t stupid, and actually makes plans on his own, being placed an episode before the last one to be a bit suspect, but I could just be looking into it too much 🤷‍♂️

When I watched the ending for the first time, I had assumed, purely by intuition, that Aziraphale’s plan consisted very much of Crowley, which is part of the reason he was so distraught when he didn’t want to go. To be fair, I had also gathered that Crowley was the star crossed lover, and Aziraphale wasn’t taking a hint, but that’s unrelated. I don’t have any concrete idea on what his plan is, other than some form of very strategic loophole trickery, which he does often on his own, and has gotten away with every single time without fail.

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

My dear August! 💖

for the fanfic writer asks

:🤡🛒✨️🦅⏳️🤭🤲

Have a lovely day!

mari i need you to understand that sending me 100000 emojis doesnt get me to answer faster in fact it makes me TOO happy and then i have to stare at it forever and now you have to wait :(( [i wrote that nine hours ago, i swore i'd finish the spreadsheet first then answer but here we are 💀) oh well… here is my labor of yapping about myself for Many Paragraphs!

🤡 - What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

mmmmm this is difficult. i have a terrible judgement for humor and i only ever remember the emotional parts of my fics so let me think. if i have to pick from recently it'd probably be something from one demon's peril but now that i think about it, one big one that sticks out to me is this old ass fic from whumptober. it feels very first drafy to me (much potential but in need of much polishing). reread to grab the things i love the most and i have thirteen but im narrowing it down to three. here (context: crowley has been locked and tortured in a dungeon for like two months and its 537 ad. aziraphale came to rescue him. he's having a Time)

Crowley takes a look at the blown up door, which displayed the hall very graphically. From his vantage point, he can spot three bodies of silver peeking from under various fallen rocks and smoldered torches. They mustn't've had a chance to realize. "Y' kill'd 'em?" "What? No!” This sobers Aziraphale right up from his near tearful confession. “No, no, it was just a product of their own actions! I didn’t make them stand under the ceiling when it caved in. Nor did I put them in any of their comrades’ sword lengths, or make any torches fall on them, because it was all the walls! Damn rickety infrastructure. It doesn’t count, Crowley. Technically. Therefore I feel no remorse. You know how Heaven is with those consequences. They’re not even all dead!”

--

"So..." Crowley drums the rusting cuffs on his wrists, which are currently hung over his head very tightly. He’s sat so he can face to his right, where another human is hung a few feet away. “What brings you here, fellow human?” The human remains silent. Their head rests lolled on their chest, neck twisted in an unnatural angle and skin molting off like grey badly-melted wax. Their clothes—which, maybe a few years ago, were a noble knight’s chainmail—have fallen off in between all the bits and bobs of the human skeleton. One of the eyes has rolled out and onto their lap. It is covered in a fine coat of dust. The hollow socket has a maggot crawling out. Crowley huffs, and turns away. “Touché.”

--

Crowley starts missing his shirt, for Satan’s sake. Things really were getting dire.

they're not the best but they're MINE. ily an angel who goes along with heaven (as far as he can) <3

🛒 - What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

mmmmmmmmmm so so so so much. ill start with words themselves. there's certain word structures i use and idk if people can tell but i use them a LOTTT because they work and i like them. here's a list of a couple of many

"[talking about a big topic]--well. [realization]"

"there are [#] reasons why this is happening"

"if [character] wasn't a coward/awkward..."

(pov character is feeling intense emotions) "there this, and there's this, and this, and this, and this and this and this--"

anddddd so much more. as for more symbolism things,,, i loveeeeee bookshop fire connections. i loveeeee experiencing grief as an immortal being who shouldn't theoretically have a concept of this emotion. i loveeeee argument scenes. i loveeeee using inner coflict as a drive to.make them grow closer in the end because despite meaning everything they said they can still work through it. i loveeeeee being Too Late to save the day despite theoreticslly doing everything right. i loveeee exploring heaven's hubris being the very thing that makes them flawed and ends in their downfall (assuming aziraphale isn't worth dealing with until its too late and/or its flawed system begging to be brought down organically/being too proud to consider amyone being intelligent enough to ousmart them/mirroring them as human society as large). i like the concept of heaven being flawed and the exact opposite of what i've been taught of it as a child okay im OKAY (no)

✨️ - Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it.

errrrr its very distinct. i read my work in a very specific caedance i can't do for any other work so i'm glad i've found that personal rhythem :)

🦅 - Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

ohhhh let me TELL YOUUUU. the process. step by step. please (short answer is yes, long answer is Complicated)

so i use Notion to organize my notes. its very useful, has a lot of features, etc. i have one page to be the hub for all my outlines (i'm on my phone in bed so bear with me)

this masterpage is where all the outlines go. they became so long i gave them their own pages. i shall be using the "fairytales" fic as an example of a typical outline...

we begin with an image of an.image of what the fic would theoretically look on ao3 s o i can remember shit quickly (as well as a short catchy summary under it). i covered most of it up but its there

then we get to the bg info. the details i thought of as the fic was first ever being written down plus some new sources i found to back uo the existence of it. i stay ORGANIZED. also there's atimeline if i need it (which is usualy only for historical fics because i need to keep track of multiple time periods).

then we FINALLY get to the nitty gritty. i put whatever notes i need for the overall tone of the fic on top, then separate chapters into togglable bullet points that can collapse on themselves with the working chapter titles. if possible, i divide them to acts to feel more accomplished. :) (✅️ means the chapter's completed) (chapter one had no outline, those usually dont).

THEN its divided even more inside the bullet points as u can see, headed by time period anf what scene it is. i then just start writing down stuff i want to happen as if i were telling a friend the story outloud. gives it a Real Feeling (talking about it as if it is real and already happened to some you know as gossip) to the story. sometimes its as incoherant as "crowkey is on a bus" to taking whole sections line for line in the firsrt draft because well when ur storytelling to ur friend u wanna be FUNNY so some natual gems do come out once in a blue moon..

also here's an example of jusy how shitty it can get

and then i turn it in an actual THING because im like this makes PERFECT sense surely i xan see it playing out in my mind (which I CAN!). very cool. a bit of a Process and kindaaa rigid, but it works for me!! :D

⌛️ - How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

the fastest i've ever done is turning 2k words of dogshit into 11k words(3 chapters) of Good Shit in 5 days. alas that was an outlier, because usually, it takes months for me to sit my ass down and write something new if i dont have an external deadline. i plan to try and fix that once my bangs are over, but for now, i'll stick to reading and bringing out 5k words ever six months :) (WATCH. THIS YEAR WILL BE MY YEARRRRR [hasnt posted anything before last week since january])

🤭 - Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

im getting so close to a mega long post so i wont elaborate but i will say mmmmmm ily "aziraphale&crowley thru the ages" "whump" "comedy" "graphic depictions of corpses" and "au - canon divergence" <3

🤲 - Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

FAIRYTALE WIP BECAUSE IVE BEEN MENTIONING JT A LOT (i need to SLEEP GOOD NIGHT EBERYONE AND THANKS MARI FOR THE WONDERFUL ASK!!!)

Aziraphale is gone for ten minutes when Crowley plays that last sentence back in his head. He hadn’t really been thinking about it before, not when the rush of victory had been prevalent and he’d been sitting there staring out the window like a lovestruck idiot, but now that he’s had to sit with it, Crowley finds something very wrong with that last comment. Amber. Crowley knows colors. Knowing colors is a part of his job. ‘Amber’ implies a yellow-ish hue, which would be fine in a context like complimenting the walls or noting the center of a baby’s breath bud—but as far as the florist knew, his eyes were meant to be brown. Crowley jumps out of his chair the same moment Eric deems it alright to re-enter the shop. Whatever overly-grovelish apologies he’s spewing are inaudible to Crowley as he comes up with the brilliant idea of using the window glass as a mirror. He leans in, cursing himself for removing his sunglasses to get that better view because of course he needed perfection, anything but would be outright unthinkable, and— —he’s met with unmistakable yellow bleeding on the edges of his eyes.

BEDTIME NOWW

[quillyfied]

Things I’m noticing on this rewatch, which I’m hoping to take slow and ponder on but we will see how it goes, PART SIX (obviously major Good Omens season 2 spoilers throughout, specifically for S2E6)

- thunder is happening outside where I am right now, so let’s buckle in!!

- Still such a good silhouette for Miranda Richardson.

- BATTERY OPERATED CANDLES

- “Will you answer a simple question?” “If I hear one, of course.” THIS EXCHANGE. SO GOOD.

- “It all looks so simple in Jane Austen.” Because other people’s love lives always seem more simple, angel. Especially fictional ones.

- JANE AUSTEN THE BANK ROBBER

- okay. Did Crowley just know that about Muriel? He doesn’t even know their name, how can he tell what rank Angel they are? More sensing and how Crowley is uncannily good at it??

- BEES. BEEEEES. REMEMBER THIS.

- “I had brothers” PREACH

- IM DONE WITH BEING SCARED

- SHES BRAVER THAN ANYONE I KNOW

- MAGGIE AND NINA ARE EVERYTHING

- MAGGIE NO TOO MUCH BRAVERY

- I fully missed the implications of that the first time around btw. Bc I’m dumb I suppose.

- Activating the portal and using it as a meat grinder for bottlenecked demons is such an elegantly simple solution.

- “You’ll be hurt” HA OMG

- The headstones in the opening credits don’t change inscriptions, btw. Though I still can’t make out Adam’s

- The guitar in the intro music does though!!

- I think it might be two completely different bridges meeting up after the first one parts? I can’t quite tell.

- This episode’s theater is just called Every Day, with a picture of Aziraphale’s halo on the screen.

- THEY LITERALLY PASS MICHAEL AND URIEL. BEES.

- “It’s a bit lonely. That’s why I was so pleased to go to Earth.” That feels awfully significant. File it away next to demons not especially wanting to fight angels.

- Crowley having…grills, I think? Like Sandalphon. Oof.

- Finally did a bit of digging on Neil Gaiman’s views of angel hierarchy. Still don’t know that I entirely buy Angel Crowley was an Archangel, but higher up? Deffo buy it.

- Bottom of the barrel. Deffo they’re that stupid.

- So. Still a nuclear exchange, eh, folks?

- Nah is the funniest possible response.

- So Aziraphale doesn’t know the details of Gabriel, the Supreme Archangel, not being above getting demoted…hang on. Bit early to be trying to put that piece together. Just going to stew nervously I’m not even Gabriel being safe in going against “God’s” plan

- Nina and Maggie standing up to demons using fire extinguishers and encyclopedias. I love them.

- Wondering if it was Aziraphale’s nerves that caused these measures to be taken, or…Yknow. The nerves of the person who ran into the burning bookshop himself.

- Crowley having holes in his memory is true but also it’s so much funnier that he just. Doesn’t have a good memory for people. Not funny but also yes funny.

- EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANGEL. Yknow I can see why some people think it’s a bad thing that phrases like that were likely lifted from the fandom directly and tossed in, but I love it, shut up.

- Refused to exercise his celestial authority. Sometimes an angel just has to say “guys, enough.” HMM. HMMMMMMMM. HOW VERY INTERESTING.

- INSTITUTIONAL PROBLEM.

- The way Gabriel looks so BORED.

- The way Metatron looks furious. Disgusted, even.

- The fact that a memory wipe can be performed remotely: dangerous. Important.

- The fact that angels can be tracked entirely while in heaven: dangerous. Important.

- The fact that it seems to hurt Aziraphale to remove his halo: DANGEROUS. IMPORTANT.

- the way the bookshop rumbles and shakes when the halo lands tho

- ERIC NO

- Poor Eric.

- Shax being knocked out but not discorporated…interesting.

- Oh sure the mass transporter works just FINE for Heaven XD I love this train wreck of an awkward elevator ride.

- Interesting how Furfur is the one to come along with Dagon (who, I still can’t stress enough: FABULOUS this season)

- Electricity again not being used by an angel, but by a demon. All lightning is demonic this season. Hmm.

- Crowley maybe it isn’t wise to admit the two of you doing a miracle together is what caused the giant plume

- The moment I could NOT believe we were actually getting Ineffable Bureaucracy but was SO HAPPY ABOUT IT ACTUALLY

- Important too that Crowley shares pertinent details but not the actual scope of how he knows what he knows and what it all might mean before Metatron steps in. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

- Okay but was the entering of the eye necessary. Argh.

- I do like how they made the recasting a joke XD

- I’m sorry but the way the vibes of their meetings is so pitch-perfect for how the fandom was interpreting them for years makes me so proud of us all

- I just wish there was MORE

- You can’t always get what you live for. Every day it’s a getting closer

- Still wondering how in the heck that statue exists

- Gabriel being incapable of ordering drinks XD

- “You people. Amazing.” So important to Gabriel and Beelzebub’s love story that they explicitly fell in love with EACH OTHER, not earth, not humans, but also that even while on earth, Gabriel still has things he likes and appreciation for the atmosphere it can have. Earth is cool. Time they all admitted it.

- “No one’s ever given me anything before.” Anyone else suddenly emotional about the idea of Aziraphale introducing things like kindness and respect to Heaven? No? Just me? I know it’s not just me, “Aziraphale is a bee in the hive about to shake things up more than anticipated” truthers

- Aziraphale looking pretty terrified at Gabriel being back and Jim being gone. I know. Me too.

- But. But!! The way they’re openly affectionate now when it seems like they weren’t there yet in the past! The way Gabriel hugs himself when thanking them! AUGH!

- FOUND SOMETHING THAT MATTERED MORE TO ME THAN CHOOSING SIDES. THE SHOULDER TOUCH. I CRY.

- Michael. Michael they’ve been there the whole time. Calm down.

- I really do want to know if Crowley just casually brought Mr. Brown back from the dead, or just healed him from terrible maiming, or just wiped his memory bc he’s actually fine. THESE ARE IMPORTANT DETAILS DAMMIT.

- “Unless you’d like some help?” THEYRE SPEAKING. THEYRE COMMUNICATING. INSTEAD OF JUST ASSUMING WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS/WANTS.

- Aziraphale the angelic kindergarten teacher.

- “But we’d be the ones doing it.” They’re just saying all the quiet parts out loud, huh?

- Crowley offering Alphi Centauri ;A;

- The fact that THEY GET THE BANISHMENT OPTION when Crowley and Aziraphale DID NOT. Granted, they diverted six thousand plus years of planning, not just collaborating ambiguously to sappy unknown ends. Because AC LOVE EARTH. And GB DO NOT.

- The fact that they turn on the lights when they leave bc an angel and a demon doing miracles together is POWERFUL

- Aziraphale’s entire expression ;A; so tender. So loving.

- That was a weirdly erotic fist bump, Furfur and Shax

- “Do people ever ask for death? So predictable.” There’s that angelic arrogance, Metatron.

- And the Book of Life extreme sanctions again. Which makes me VERY nervous for s3, probably more nervous than anything else. That’s a very big Chekhov’s Gun to be laying on the table half-forgotten.

- Okay the fact that Saraquael picks it up before any of the others, too. As implied by her hands going folded and expression going nervous.

- “Have we done anything wrong?”

- “That remains to be seen.”

- HMM. OKAY.

- Take the coffee or take the death, Aziraphale. DAMN.

- The way Metatron neatly separates and snips Aziraphale and Crowley apart. The ominous organ music. The dressing-down of the Archangels but backhanded compliments to Muriel (the dim one I’LL KILL YOU). A master manipulator at work and he’s only just getting started.

- Crowley trying to get rid of Muriel feels weirdly protective, in hindsight.

- Crowley putting the bookshop back together ;A; the cello version of the theme waltz. <3333

- Aziraphale really should have been here for this conversation. I WEEP.

- Noooo not the soft romantic music again, it hurts. Also just realized that Nina and Maggie are still wearing their ball outfits.

- THIS CONVERSATION IS ALREADY A TRAIN WRECK. CROWLEY ASKING AZIRAPHALE IF CROWLEY CAN GO FIRST. AZIRAPHALE TALKING OVER CROWLEY.

- The thunder outside is getting massive as Metatron butters up Aziraphale. The ominous real world foreshadowing.

- The fact that keeping Crowley a demon isn’t even on the table. Going right for Aziraphale’s issues.

- THE CLOCK IS MAKING A FROWNY FACE

- Some other time I want to see Metatron’s assessment of Aziraphale next to Crowley’s assessment of Aziraphale bc I want to study the ways this hurts me.

- The EMOTIONS. DAVID AND MICHAEL PLS IM DYING.

- The manifold layers of mutual misinterpretation. I am BEGGING for a season 3 so I can see them untangle this.

- “I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you” just like you thought he was exaggerating the danger you were in just last episode, angel?

- No nightingales HOW DARE

- I fully believe Crowley is kissing Aziraphale goodbye here, tbh. Not showing him what he’s missing. Just saying bye. Maybe hoping on an off chance it will work but knowing it won’t. One spectacular kiss that I kind of love we don’t get every sloppy detail of. Makes it intimate even as it’s heartbreaking.

- The one thing he wanted to take with him won’t come. I CRY.

- Crowley is too smart for this but I’ve seen art of Crowley as the next grand Duke of hell and that would be a DELICIOUS setup, actually, and one I believe he could give into if he felt low enough. But. Crowley has always known better. He’s always wanted out, wanted better. If it was just him alone in the bookshop, maybe, but with Muriel there…idk. I feel like that’s not gonna happen, that Crowley is going to side with humanity. But I also didn’t think Aziraphale would ever go back to heaven so what do I know??

- The Second Coming. Phew. The event supposed to kick off after Armageddon, I think? Gonna be big.

- And here we have…the closing credits. The ones I was too overwhelmed to cry over the first time and maybe too entranced in my note taking to fully feel it here now but the sad piano and cello are certainly having an impact.

- Aziraphale not having all the details for what was happening to Gabriel makes me wonder how far he thinks he can push making a difference. Because the Supreme Archangel of Heaven was deposed for not doing what the rest of the archangels and the Metatron wanted. They can erase beings from existence. They can wipe memories remotely. They can track his every move. He’s walking into a trap.

- But. BUT.

- Crowley won’t let Aziraphale face this alone. Crowley and Aziraphale have swapped faces before. Crowley and Aziraphale have been on the wrong sides of the screen all season. Aziraphale’s determined face is very close to Crowley-As-Aziraphale. This season has been about lies and misdirection and sleight of hand. I like the theory that the kiss was another swap, that there was a time freeze where they came up with a plan, but. Also.

- I just. REALLY like the power of The Final Fifteen as-is, too. Because it’s been building all season, a head of steam that blows at a very critical moment in time. It’s the hard work of realizing their problems and issues and triggers haven’t been worked on at all, and if they’re ever going to be happy, they need to do the work. It’s not hand-waving their development off screen and actually putting us the audience in the front row of that development. Which is tasty as all heck too.

Okay. Second time didn’t hurt as much, knowing it was coming and pointing out all the clues that foreshadowed it. Next watch through I do without the buffer of constant pausing to record my thoughts and theories. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

[manjiroro]

thighs, thighs, thighs! - various characters 

im hella insecure abt my thighs so i hope this helps anyone who feels the same about their thighs <33

He absolutely loves your thighs, every time he sees you sitting, your thighs squished together, he can’t help but lay his head on them. He thinks they are better than any pillow he’s ever rested his head upon. He loves how comfy they are and he can immediately fall asleep on them. especially when he comes back home exhausted, he immediately goes searching for you and your thighs. He sees you laying on the bed, mindlessly scrolling your phone while waiting for him to return, you don’t notice him until you feel a weight on your thighs. He feels like he’s in heaven once his head lands on your soft thighs, paired with your angelic voice as you ask him how his day was, his stress and exhaustion is immediately gone. 

His favourite thing to do is to lay down on them while you play with his hair and talk about your day. He feels the most relaxed he’s ever felt in a while. Lean in and press a kiss to his nose, cheeks and/or lips and he’ll melt, his pupils practically turning into hearts for you.  

he also loves resting in between your thighs too! he enjoys being embraced by the plush of your thighs, he’ll occasionally turn his head to press kisses to them, showing you how much he loves you. 

he loves running his hand along your thigh while he sits next to you. he’ll always give them a squeeze too, loving how squishy it is. seeing you in form fitting clothes - tight dresses, shorts, jeans, thigh high socks - it all makes him warm and fuzzy on the inside. you just look so good in them especially when they hug the curves of your thighs just right, he simply cannot tear his eyes off you. 

If you’re insecure over them, he’ll sit you down and press little kisses all over your thighs, all while telling you how beautiful and perfect you are. He embraces every imperfection, he’ll run his hands over them, caressing them, loving them, and he’ll make sure you’ll grow to love them too. 

kenma, daichi, sugawara, nishinoya, kuroo, tendou, iwaizumi, kai, akaashi, bokuto atsumu, osamu, kita, aran, yuuta, yuuji, nanami, gojo, toji, megumi, mikey, takemichi, mitsuya, inui, kakucho, shinichiro, baji, chifuyu, ran, rindou, dazai, odasaku, sigma, tanizaki, tachihara, zenitsu, tanjiro, tengen, akaza

reblogs are highly appreciated!!

[pwarkluv]

❝ idk you yet ❞ - p.js

park jisung x reader | angsty, fluff | 1.6k words 

WARNINGS | TW: mentions blood, abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, smoking, lowercase au, non-idol au, high school au, badboy!jisung, mature language/cursing, reader is like an angel sent from heaven for him, jisungie just in need of love :(

SUMMARY | being an outcast has him wondering if he’ll ever be happy. cue you, the new girl, stumbling into his life (literally).

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “idk you yet” by alexander23! also AHHH this is my 100 followers special fic :) THANK U LOVES FOR 100 IM SO SHOCKED CJSBFKEJD <33 the writing is a little crappy because i’m currently on my period and my patience for sitting down and writing this went down halfway through lol but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, ENJOY THIS JISUNG FIC BC JISUNG MY BABIE AND SO ARE YOU GUYS!

whenever anybody thinks of park jisung, they think of the chains and dark clothing he wears. they think about the faint smell of smoke and men’s cologne that follows him wherever he goes. 

they think of the boy who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. 

but what they don’t think about are bruises on his face he fails to hide whenever he walks into school, the dejected look on his face whenever random people give him disapproving looks, the way his smile slowly faded into a permanent frown wherever he went. 

jisung quickly accepted his reputation at school and in their little town, not having enough energy to feel insecure about it like before.

the only group of people that even remotely cared about the boy were his best friends in the whole entire world, nct dream.

they were outcasts just like him, the most “fucked up group of boys” in their town (the people’s words, not theirs).

see, they were your typical bad boy group straight out of your typical fanfic. bad grades, smoking in their free time, getting into fights, always being late to class; not a single person had hope in them.

but behind their scary and intimidating facade, all seven boys were big softies with misunderstood hearts and difficult backgrounds.

people were just too dense to look into it, only judging them based on their looks and personality on the outside. 

❝ how can you miss someone you’ve never met ❞

love was a foreign thing to jisung, the only form of love he’s ever felt being from his friends. his parents were… interesting to say the least. 

jisung’s father was a hard-core alcoholic, his mother being a major druggie. with no siblings in the house, jisung was usually their main target to push around and beat up.

and so because of this at a young age jisung learned to distance himself from other people and found different ways to release stress.

he started smoking when he was 14, the warm and hazy feeling of the smoke entering his lungs comforting him.

if jisung humored himself enough, maybe smoking could count as his first love. it was always there for him, never leaving him alone even if he wanted to quit. 

he relied on it knowing it was the only constant in his life. 

now of course the boy has heard of proper love, love like in the movies or shitty romance songs he hears on the radio.

and he won’t lie, there were moments he thought about what it felt like to be in love. but he knew that would never happen, at least not in their small town anyways. 

he just wanted to be loved. 

jisung would never admit it but sometimes he’d be jealous of the old couples walking down the street in their own world like it was just them two against the universe. he was jealous of the happy kids running around, their mother’s and father’s fondly smiling at their child. he was jealous of all the “normal” kids in his neighborhood. 

jisung wanted that, craved that. 

but most importantly, the boy wanted love.

❝ cause i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

everything hurt. 

his head, his body, his mind, his heart; everything was in pain.

jisung walked down the empty streets of their city, a trail of blood following behind him as he accepted his fate. the boy was 99% sure he had a concussion and at the very least had a few broken ribs. 

he felt like this was the end, and he was ready.

-

wandering aimlessly around town, you decided to take a late night walk to familiarize yourself around the area. you had just moved into the city a week ago, spending all seven days trying to help your family unpack and rearrange your cozy new home. 

now that you were finally free of the smell of tape and the dust of the boxes, you decided it was best to get to know the place you were living in. 

the autumn air seemed to settle at night as you shivered, cursing yourself for not bringing a jacket of some sort. the sight of a convenience store up ahead of you brought you relief as you rummaged through your pockets wondering if you had enough money for ramen.

your steps became excited as you found a couple dollars, fondly thinking about what type of ramen you should buy. you became so lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice the poor boy who was staggering in front of you, or the trail of blood he left behind. 

-

jisung pushed himself to reach the convenience store a couple feet away from him, in desperate need of supplies to at least try and fix himself. 

if it didn’t help in any way then oh well, maybe death was indeed an option. 

grinding his teeth though the pain, he did not expect to feel a small body bump into him. had he been at his regular health, jisung would’ve easily been able to keep still but because of how much blood he was losing the boy was knocked down like a bowling pin.

“holy fuck.” jisung cursed the feeling of the concrete floor colliding with his ribs. he didn’t even notice the girl who had bumped into him sitting on the floor dumbfounded, freaking out over his state.

“oh my fucking god.” the girl said, capturing his attention. jisung glared at the stranger, mentally acknowledging the fact she was pretty. 

but her being pretty won’t get you anywhere, he scolded himself. she’ll leave you just like everyone else.

“a-are you okay?” she said, eyes glancing at his black eye. jisung rolled his eyes, already annoyed. “does it look like i’m okay?” he replied, his deep voice catching the girl off guard. 

“just, fuck off.” jisung said closing his eyes as he laid back down on the floor, knowing he couldn’t force himself to get up anymore. he didn’t even have to open his eyes to know she left, hearing the sound of her footsteps walk away.

the boy sighed as he laid idly on the floor, wondering what sin he committed to lead him to where he is now. not even she wanted to stay, the tears threatening to fall as his thoughts buried him alive.

“why can’t i just die?” jisung said out loud, asking no one but himself.

“because i won’t let you.” a voice replied as jisung forced himself to sit up in confusion. it was the same girl he had bumped into, but this time she had a first aid kit with her. he gave her a lost look despite knowing what she was here to do. 

jisung’s mind just couldn’t wrap around the fact that a total stranger would even bother to help him. 

“now sit up.” she said softly as she bent down to open the box, the boy slowly followed her instructions. “i’m sorry this might sting.” she said though jisung didn’t mind because she was much prettier up close.

-

the next ten minutes were you trying to fix his wounds against the shitty chairs outside the convenience store.

jisung didn’t even bother mentioning his broken ribs, not wanting you to freak out. you cleaned up what you could and the boy was beyond grateful for that.

you subconsciously rubbed his back in a comforting way whenever you’d apply alcohol to his open wounds, trying to ease the sting. you held his hand for him to hold and though he was a big boy and had a high pain tolerance, he still gave it a squeeze just to keep your hand there.  what the actual fuck is this feeling, jisung asked himself as he watched your determined figure work on him.

it was cold and in order to better work on his wounds, the boy offered to give you his hoodie which strangely had no traces of blood on it. you gladly accepted, the faint smell of blood and his cologne engulfing you up. 

the sight of you in something so big and so him made his chest swell in pride.

jisung couldn’t even formulate a sentence as you cursed at the time once you finished patching him up, fleeing the scene before he could say anything with a small smile, his hoodie still on. 

❝ and can you find me soon because i’m in my head ❞

the thought of your soft hands on his, your voice, your whole presence; everything about you couldn’t seem to leave the poor boy’s mind. it was now monday, and waiting for his class to start already made him want to go home.

if only i got her name, jisung daydreamed with his head resting on the palm of his hand. the classroom was loud and bright, people occasionally giving him looks but the boy didn’t mind. 

“jisungie~ did you hear we have a new kid?” jaemin asked, poking the boy’s cheeks. the boy only gave him a pointed look before sighing. 

“hyung i don’t really care.” jisung replied, looking back out the window. 

jaemin only gave him an offended look before grumbling a bit. “i don’t know maybe you will.” he muttered under his breath as their teacher walked into the room. 

❝ yeah i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

their homeroom teacher stood in front of the class, jisung tuning out his voice. the boy once again sighed as his teacher called for their attention, explaining they had a new girl in their class. “now make her feel welcomed,” he said before turning towards the door.

“y/n, please come in.” the teacher said and jisung almost fell out of his seat when he saw you walking through the door with the same smile you gave him a couple days ago.

“hi i’m y/n and i hope we can get along.” you bowed to the class, a familiar hoodie you were wearing catching his attention. 

isn’t that mine, jisung thought to himself as he bit back a smile knowing you kept it all along. 

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Dabi and chisaki to famous model S/o years after her death and they find out that the trailer for heir series is being Released maybe they find out everthing about her life fomer loves and about Who could kill her (sorry if it doesn't make sense but today i feel like shit )

Im sorry you felt that way, but dont worry your requests was understandable and interesting to write over

Ohhhh boi

So.

Complicated is a understatement coming from this man because when he sees that someone has the audacity to mention you again he is livid.

So imagine his reaction to know that his long past dead doll is being used to make a series.

Thinks is so fucking wrong to do it since you cant even be here to disagree with something or not.

When he sees the trailer he can only feel rage towards the poor person who is interpreting you. Really. He hates them because in his head they dont have the fucking right to pretend to be his beautiful doll even for one second.

Although he forces himself to watch because in some sorta of sick way it feels like you're there judging the show along with him.

"Pathetic. You would never do sonething like that... Yeah, right doll."

When it comes the suppose suspects of your murderer he is tense and turquoise eyes dont even blink.

He analyzes every one mentioned and goes after them to have a "talk"

Is pure satisfaction when he sees the news of each one of them having been murferer by an "accidental" arson.

Although it doesn't help.

He still feels that his life is missing something. Someone.

He still feels that anger from society and the one who killed you.

The league is worried about him ever since Dabi started to watch this series non stop.

He become obsessed to bring you some justice.

The maniac and broken laughter he let out qhen it comes the part of past partners is terrifying.

But it soon dies when your voice. Your actual voice, speaks up about the true love of your life.

Him.

That nicknames no one ever knew what meant, but he knew. The nickname you used only for him.

His tears ducts were broken for more than ten years,

So why he felt drops of water and blod falling from his eyes..?

Much like Dabi, Overhaul absolutely despised the idea of turning your life on a stupid series. Is like a disrespect to you for him so the moment he came to know of it he immediately left the room with a murder gaze.

Ever since he lost you, his light to his darkness, he became worst than he ever was. The little bit of humanity was vanished.

He would be confined on his room and all of his work done since he tended to overwork after your death... so he eventually caved in and went to look after it.

The whole thing he will have a frown and a disgusted and wrathful look on his face as he almost overhaul the remote or tablet.

The moment is mentioned of your deatg and the suspects he will go full deathnote mode on it.

Those people will have the most terrible and torturous death possible.

Yet he still doesn't feel accomplished. Worth of you.

Then it come the past lovers... oh how much he hated it. And the moment it was mentioned him even? The yakusa itself was created on a scenario... putting him as a former suspect for your murderer.

Never on his life he felt so offended yet angry. God, tell him why on earth he would want to kill the love of his life.

The poor person who interpreted you acting with what they thought was him didn't sounded like you... didn't acted like you...

He hated it.

He only watched once and nevermore.

The only thing worth it seeing it for him, which he saved, was the old records of you modeling and the sound of your voice...

To think that even if his angel went to heaven still caused such an effect like tears of how much he missed you to drop silently on his clothing or even desk was... shocking.

He holds a shrine for you to rest in peace btw

[elysianslove]

hi! how have you been since the hell that ensued after halloween is?

also could you do a batboys college au? like their major and how the reader would meet them and all that jazz? 👉👈

-🐥

hi anon!! i’m not sure what ur talking about @ the halloween stuff hvsdhjs but! here are the batboys hc’s! i’m not very familiar with duke thomas’s character enough to write about him tbh, so he’s not included here :( but if you want me to add him let me know!! i hope you enjoy!!

dick grayson

out of all the batboys i really didn’t know how to choose a major for him

but

i think he’d do law tbh, specifically criminal law 

his main motivation to become a police officer in bludhaven had been to be able to help people in any way he can 

i forgot if it’s canon or not but he does realize how corrupt it is and he quits but that’s another thing we won’t get into that lmao 

anyways yes let’s just stick with law 

meeting you ! 

he shares one or two courses with you

one that’s really early in the morning 

and one that’s later on in the afternoon 

dick is like a magnetic okay

anywhere he goes people are just attracted to him

like literally he will breathe 

but someone call the ambulance there’s a person that’s passed out bc of how beautiful he is

but this is an 8 am class 😃

so there’s no way ur awake enough to notice him

coincidentally he sits next to you one time

and this is the one time

you decide

yeah lemme just fkn sleep is uni even worth it 

dick definitely notices right away but he doesn’t say anything 

he thinks you look so cute passed out on your desk like this 🥺

when the professor signals the end of the class, he watches as people file out and then he just leans over and nudges you slightly 

you nearly punch him bc he scared you ❤️

he just laughs and goes “class is over” 

you just sigh like the guilt starts to hit you and your heart begins to sink

and he sees your disappointed face and just goes 

“i took a lot notes. i can share them w you?”

lifesaver in every single way dick grayson 😻😻😻

you had another class that you had to run to and you were rushing

he was like “dw i’ll just give them to you whenever i see you next” 

and you 🏃🏻‍♀️ outta there

imagine ur surprise when u enter class at 12 pm and he’s there in all his glory 

after the lecture is over, he walks up to you as you’re packing and asks if you want to go to the coffee shop nearby 

to take his notes of course

and you finally register just how handsome he is 

so obviously you say yes wtf

and the rest is history 😼

he asks you out, properly, pretty early on tbh 

so unfazed lmfao 

now you take naps on his shoulder instead of the desk 💞💞💞

soooo into pda 

kisses u when he first sees you

when you’re parting ways

when he feels like it

straight up cuddles w during lectures i’m not even joking 

it’s disgusting how cute you two are 

gets you coffee for all those 8 am classes u have w him hehe

study dates always turn into karaoke sessions somehow don’t even ask lmao

jason todd

english literature 

this is a collective agreement right? 

right

definitely english literature 

i dont even think he wants to go to uni but he’s going to waste time plus this is bruce’s money 😏🤑

your major doesn’t necessarily have to be english literature as well

but you share one class

and my god 

you two disagree on everything

like every little thing

at this point if he says something and you slightly agree internally you’ll still say some opposing shit 

that’s kinda what draws you to him 

at first you genuinely had nothing against him

but then this kind of rivalry developed for no specific reason 

but it was fun

and he was hot

so seeing him get flustered or angry made him even hotter somehow 

but then

but t h e n

you’re not sure if your professor like ships you or something

so you’re assigned a debate topic on one of the books you’d discussed in class/one of the books you’ve read outside, and within each group are the two sides for and against 

not only were you in the same team as jason, but you were on the same side as him

so you had to work with him

the audacity of the professor omg 

but jason needs this course 

and 

well you don’t but it’s too late to back out now 

you two meet in the campus library after deciding on a book with the other two of your team

and 

honestly??? 

you two work so well together 

like insanely well

during the debate you destroyed the other team 

spoiler alert 

doing so well with jason kinda made you like hot and bothered 

seeing him in his zone

sexy <3 

what i mean to say is

you both end up making out in some storage room lmfao 

or hate sex 😏

professor has a phd in matchmaking 🤔😻

i think you two don’t admit you like each other

bc you’re both stubborn as fuck

but eventually you’re literally on his lap on his couch and it just hits you

and you lean back and go

“wanna go out w me” 

and he just shrugs and goes “sure” and pulls you in for more kissing hehe

he’s not v good at the boyfriend thing tbh

you have to chase him around and be like “sir!!! did u forget about me huh!!!”

he doesn’t mean to i promise

he gets all blushy and flustered once he realizes 

only ever into pda if he’s insanely jealous 

will straight up make out w u regardless of where u are or who ur with lmfao 

he’s still getting used to the little intimacies and all 

debates in class are so much more fun now cause he finds it so hot when u get all riled up hehe

that eng lit professor is so happy for you two omg

tim drake

okay i also couldn’t really decide for him

but maybe he’d study something like physics (or maybe computer engineering/computer science) 

idk u have to have a death wish to wanna major in physics so tim’s major it is

i’m not sure how it works for every other uni but my uni requires 6 credits of sciences to graduate 

so let’s say for the sake of this hc u take like just the first level of physics to get 3 credits 

and 

you’re struggling 😃👍🏼

so you like approach your professor with a few questions before the quiz 

but tim is also there

and he kinda makes small talk while you two wait outside the office

and he asks why you’re here

you show him

and he’s like “oh i took this course w the same professor as well, i could help?” 

it’s like an angel had descended from the heavens for you personally 

you take his number and decide to meet up with him after a few hours 

he’s of so much more help than your professor would’ve been, even if ur prof is a really nice and smart person 

and he’s super like

patient with you? 

also he pays for all the coffee and snacks you’re getting after you already get them 

ur like bruh i didnt 

dont pay pls

and he’s like no im loaded let me 😼

swooning <3 

and guess what!! 

you ace the quiz out of some miracle

first thing you do is text him and he congratulates you 

and then

bc ur not blind and tim is so fucking cute

you’re like “can i take u out to thank u” 

tim’s brain stops working but ! 

he does say yes eventually 

he becomes your designated physics tutor + your amazing boyfriend

being with tim is so like

chill

it’s a very relaxed time 

lots of study dates! and cafe dates! all hours of the day whether the sun is up or not 

into pda but to a certain degree 

like yes of course have a kiss pretty baby 

but also it will only be a small peck

any time anyone passes by like common rooms you two will be there snuggling on the couch, one or both of you completely passed out 

damian wayne

business major 100% 

or a bsba econ major, which is basically the business side of economics 

he has to take over his father’s company one day duh 

also i genuinely think damian would excel in this field 

he’s a very keeps to himself kinda guy in uni

like you only ever see him in your common classes and then he just

disappears 

anyways there was this party that everyone was going to, and damian wasn’t planning to

but dick accidentally read some groupchat’s messages and was like are u going

damian went 🏃🏻‍♀️

but dick was like go and try to make friends !!!! 

and dames cant say no to his big bro 🥺 so he goes

stays in a corner on the settings app the entire time

like half an hr in he just leaves and is walking home/back to his dorm when you come like rushing up to him 

you’re zooming 

and then you just latch onto his hand and lean up to press a kiss to his cheek, whispering in his ear “this person’s been following me for like 15 mins just please go along w this” 

he kinda stiffens but when he does notice that there’s a person eyeing you he slips his arm around your waist and just carries on walking

he walks you to your home/dorm and is like

so awkward 

but it’s okay ! ur a people’s person enough for the two of you 

you thank him so much over and over 

and then you’re like 

“can i take you out on a real date?” 

and then he becomes ur real boyfriend hehe

is still super stiff but it’s only bc he’s so hyper aware of how attractive you are

and i’m super positive he doesn’t have that much experience with dating so 

you hold the reigns 

but he’s a great boyfriend all in all tbh 

super attentive, super protective, and so loving 

isn’t into pda especially on college campus but he does like subtle pda

things like linking your pinkies or giving you his hoodie to just parade around campus hehe

end note; i’m sorry if these feel rushed or anything like. i used to be an avid writer for the batboys, but i just haven’t been feeling it lately. i still love to write from them bc i know these boys so well eeeeppp. anyways feel free to request some more!!

[itsmattsunshinehere]

hey!!! can i request some iwaizumi hcs??? he pinning over his crush like,,, just that iwa pinning 😳😳 -🤠anon

LOLOL I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THIS LITERALLY HOLD MY BEER CAUSE THIS BITCH HAS LOTS OF SHIT TO SAY.

Thanks for your request, hope you like it! 😘💞

-L

Iwaizumi Hajime x reader

AH

Iwa would never admit it but he's THE SUPREME SIMP

Alexa play King by Years & Years.

literally blushes just by seing you only 10 meters far from him!!

you = a divine creature, one of the purest souls walking on Earth, an angel who came down from heaven.

he = vice captain of the volleyball team.

he has this stupid feeling that he has no chance with you bc you know, his best friend is Oikawa and of course between the two, you would definitely choose him.

but ahem well boy YOU WRONG—

cause,, dada!! you have a crush on him too :)

before he spoke to you it was exactly 24 days since your first meeting (yep he counted them) and only to ask you what time was it without even doing it on purpose!

He had to deliver some sheets to one of his teachers, but he didn't know if he'd make it to practice on time, so instead he asked you the time cause he mistook you for a rando student lol

you were so glad he spoke to you! You were convinced that he hated you lmao

but that's not true cause iwa hates only himself for not having enough balls to come and confess his feelings (and Shiratorizawa).

from that day you started talking to him by taking the first step, assuming that he was just shy (and definitely not because he had a super duper crush on you).

every time you don't understand an exercise, he always explain it to you four times.

he's always patient with you and above all he's always up to your jokes.

when he sees you coming to class all sleepy, he always goes out to get you a coffee at the vending machines.

forgot your lunch at home? Don't worry, iwa's already gone to buy you something or he's splitting his to give you the other half.

and you're not even a couple !!

He's always ready to cheer you up, he always makes you laugh and when you need someone he's always there to listen to you.

Of course, he's also trying to send you signals:

"Y/N yesterday I made a playlist on spotify, do you want to listen to it?"

"Sure, let me hear!"

* Everything About You by One Direction playing in the background *

"Aww Iwa you're so cute, are you in love with someone?"

"Pftt noooo what are you talking about? Meee? In LoVe? I don't have time for this shit."

but then Oikawa fucking kick his ass CAUSE WTF IWACHAN HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME FOR BEING TRASH BUT DONT CONFESS YOUR LOVE

third years bullying him for not having enough courage? WE SAY HELL YEAH.

Makki and Mattsun imitate him by stammering some shitty pick up lines (I stan matsuhana and you can do nothing about it).

Oikawa just teases him whenever you're around.

once they even invited you to one of their practices and obviously iwaizumi didn’t know anything.

aka when you showed up he literally froze (you too cause WE'RE FUCKING TALKING ABOUT IWAIZUMI ARMS AND THIGHS AND OMG ILL DO A LIST OF THINGS I LIKE ABOUT HIM OKAY LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED CAUSE WE GONNA SIMP SISTER) and received an Oikawa’s service directly with his face.

Spoiler: nosebleed iwa.

When he came back from the infirmary you rushed to him to know if he was okay (cause repeat with me: you have a crush on him too and everyone knows it except for iwa lol) and beefy boy was going to faint causes AHEM TOO CLOSE GIRL YOU WANT HIM DEAD?!

Finally with the help of Oikawa, Matsukawa and Hanamaki you showed up at a practice match with his jacket.

he was so happy that you came but also so flustered cause you were wearing his jacket daaamn~~

after the win you went to congratulate him and give him back his jacket,

but when he came out of the locker room and saw you waiting for him,,,

he! thought! you! were! so! cute!

good job: now you broke Iwa 👏🏻👏🏻

his brain went blackout.

he came to you and “Y/N I really like you would you like going out with me one of these days?”

you were shOoKEd causes you didn't think he liked you and so you stayed silent for something like two minutes.

“You don’t have to answer now, it’s okay for me to be just friends-”

“Wtf no???? Can’t you see I like you too???”

lol he did not see :)

he kinda freaked out a bit but then you kissed him and he went silent in two seconds.

Then Oikawa came along with Mattsun and Makki and basically you decided all the details of your date with the three of them.

“Hey you do your business! Im the one dating y/n!”

you laughed and then took his hands and Iwa smiled you while blushing and hsfviugislkoghidshi HE’S! SO! FUCKING! CUTE! DO WE AGREE? YES WE DO.

and yeah thats how you started dating :)

[xiaodejunletsact]

i still love you | zhong chenle

word count: 17, 367

genre: high school!au, basketball!player, angst, fluff, you are a bet au??? lol idk 8 letters!au

warnings: lots of angst, playing of emotions, mentions of panic attacks and sex.

authors note: im finally back!! with a chenle fic!! okay so,, i wanted to thank everyone who loved 8 letters, the reaction to that fic was better than anything i could’ve ever imagined, so thank you so much!! this is like a chenle version from the same universe. but most importantly: i decided to put songs in some scenes to enhance the experience while reading, you don’t have to but if you want to listen to the ‘soundtrack’ of this fic click the ‘🏀’!!!!! please enjoy!! 

synopsis: high school can be complicated. thats why when your crush of three years, zhong chenle, approaches you out of nowhere offering to drive you home you are right to question his intentions.

🏀

You can hear the loud thumping of your heart in your ears as you watch the players dart across the court. The squeaking of their sneakers against the polished floor as they furrowed their eyebrows in concentration. Well… as he furrowed his eyebrows in anticipation, you wouldn’t know about the rest of the players on the court because your eyes were focused on one boy in particular. Number 22, Zhong Chenle. Your crush since sophomore year and soon to be captain of the basketball team (even if this is your personal opinion you’re 87% sure of it). The boy had caught your eye when he first smiled your way back in 10th grade and offered to help you with everything since you were new, leaving a stamp on your heart that would mark it as his own for the next years to come. Of course, you hardly ever spoke to him, too nervous and clumsy to even think of approaching someone so out of your league but there was something about his crinkly smile eyes and fluffy hair that got a hold of and never let go. 

Which is why you find yourself seated at the school’s bleachers watching the basketball game like you did every week, hands clutching the sides of the bench as you watched Chenle get the orange ball passed to him, and the scene plays in slow motion. 

Sweat drips off the tips of his newly dyed blond hair as he gains impulse with a jump, shooting a perfect three pointer and deeming the game of victory for his team. You proudly smile as you watch his teammates cause a ruckus around him, cheering and hitting him occasionally. However, your mood dampened as you watched Chenle escape the clutches of his team, running to the side benched where Ava, (the bitchiest girl in school but also his girlfriend), sat. He leans down to peck her lips, only to be stopped when she holds her hand up, pushing him away with a disgusting, “you’re sweaty!” He looks dejected for a second, before forcing a smile and turning back towards the team. You wonder if you’re the only one who noticed the interaction, you wonder if you’re the only one who cares enough to want to march down there and tell her off. You huff, instead opting to march your angry way to the entrance of the gym starting the trek home. Wondering if Number 22 will ever be yours like you desperately want him to.

-

It’s funny how much of your life you could dedicate to one person without any sort of reciprocation. You felt almost embarrassed as you shoved yet another letter into an envelope that increasingly got thicker and thicker with every burst of your emotions. You see, every time your feelings for Chenle got too strong to bare you would write short letters about how you felt, obviously, with no intention of Chenle ever getting his hands on them, just for your own catharsis. It helped, most days. 

Today is not one of those days. 

“Uh huh…” you said absentmindedly at your friend, Donghyuck , who tries to explain to you what intricate contraption they are building in this week's robotics class. However, you’re too busy looking over his shoulder at Chenle who laughs half heartedly at something his friend says, before going serious once again. You furrow your eyebrows and say, “have you noticed anything off about Chenle?” 

Donghyuck  sighs, knowing he has lost you once again. Nevertheless, he humors your narrative turning to watch the boy in question along with you. “I mean… he is kind of down.”

“Right?” You reply, shutting your locker and clicking the lock. Donghyuck  shrugs.

“Maybe it’s because he broke up with his girlfriend this weekend.” 

You stop dead in your tracks, “He did what?” 

Donghyuck  nods, (like it’s not a huge deal!) “at the party you missed this weekend, they got into a big fight and he told her it was over and stormed off.” 

“A-and you didn’t think to tell me this?” You respond to which he just shrugs.

“It’s not like you had a chance with him anyway.” 

“Ouch, Donghyuck .” 

The words stung, of course but you knew Donghyuck  was just being realistic with you, never one to lead you into things that could only hurt you in the future. 

Donghyuck  says something after that, that you don’t quite catch but you guess it’s fine since you didn’t really want to listen to him right now anyway. 

Especially since Zhong Chenle just caught you staring at him and is now staring just as intensely into your eyes as you were to the side of his face. 

You don’t know what kind of glitch you go through that you are unable to form any type of reaction or look away. Instead just kind of… freezing. 

He brings up a hand and slightly waves in your direction. A kind smile on his face. 

Oh no. He actually sees you. 

Before you can even process it, you realize that you're running down the hall in the direction opposite to him. Out of the back door of the school, heaving as your heartbeat reaches 3000bpm.

🏀

Recalling the memory as you walk to the bus stop that afternoon causes you to slap your palm against your forehead once again. “What was I thinking? Now Chenle is really going to think I’m a freak.” 

You couldn’t believe yourself, kicking the gravel underneath your sneakers in frustration you beat yourself up over having ruined the only interaction that could’ve possibly been your chance to win his heart. It could’ve been the last time he ever looked your way again, and you wouldn’t blame him. 

But it wasn’t. 

Because just minutes after, like a miracle from heaven, you hear the roar of an expensive car engine near you before hearing his angelic voice call the syllables you thought you’d never hear him say: “Y/N!” 

Wide eyed, your snap your head to the sound of his voice only to see him through the window of his shiny million dollar car. He smiles and you feel like running again. He notices. “Wait! Don’t go!” 

You hear the buckle of his seatbelt being undone and watch in shock as he jogs around the car and suddenly he towering over you with a sweet smile. “Hi.” 

Say hi back! What are you doing? “Uh- I- uh- Hi?” 

He chuckles, looking down at his shoes before looking into your eyes once again. “How you doing?” 

“I’m- im good.” You stutter. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

The silence that follows makes you want to get swallowed up by the ground and never see daylight again. 

Chenle notices how you avoid his eyes and chuckles once again, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well, um, I just saw that you were walking and wanted to know if you wanted a ride.” 

“In your car?” You ask in a quiet voice. Chenle laughs. 

“I mean, yeah. Unless you want to rent bikes from the tourism center.” You allow a small smile to grace your lips briefly before remembering the circumstances you currently found yourself in. Chenle (Zhong Chenle, Number 22, Yes. Chenle.) has just offered you a ride in his fancy car. The same car you watched him pull up in for two whole years. And he wants you to get in it. 

The millions of scenarios that go through your head as to why this could be happening but as you painfully remember today’s events, you realize what this is about. 

Chenle shoves both his hands in his jean pockets as he awaits your answer. “...So?” 

You breathe in deeply, “Listen, um, if you’re doing this because you feel bad about earlier or something, please don’t.” 

Chenle’s eyebrows furrow together and he comes closer to you. “That’s not the case at all, I just saw you walking all by yourself and thought to offer you a ride home.” 

“But you drive past here every day and you’ve never offered me a ride before?” You question out loud, wincing as you realize that you could possibly sound creepy for knowing where he goes in the afternoon. “I mean- you always drive in the same direction as my bus stop! So I see you!” You feel how clammy your palms are rubbing against the harsh fabric of your jeans. “Speaking of the bus, I should probably go before I miss it.” 

Just as you turn to walk away, Chenle’s hand grips your wrist where your sleeve has ridden up, allowing the first skin to skin contact you ever made with him. Your eyes widen at him and he lets go immediately, awkwardly. “I guess I was focused on other things, but now I’m focused on you.” 

-

In the fever dream that was Zhong Chenle flirting (?), and the insistent drumming of your heart in your ears you come back to only realize you were moving into Chenle’s car. (The doors opened upwards!) 

The boy took the liberty of opening it for you, closing it once you were settled in. You took the moment he was walking to the driver’s side to take in a deep breath and compose yourself. 

What the hell is going on? Why Zhong Chenle talking to you? Why is he driving you home? Why did he tell you he’s focused on you? What? What does any of this mean? 

Before you could begin pulling your hairs out in frustration, Chenle’s door opens and he plops down onto the driver’s seat. He looks over at you with a smile as he fastens his seatbelt, “Buckle up.” You do so quietly, biting your lip to prevent any further embarrassment. 

The drive begins with little to no talking, the only thing filling the silence being the constant humming of the air conditioning and static of the radio.

 “Do you want to listen to something?” He presses his pale fingers to the glossy touch screen in between you two. Soon enough, a soft beat travels through the ambience of his car. You see from the corner of your eye that he looks over at you and smiles, but keep your nervous eyes on the road in front of you; Chenle faces the road once again, tilting his head to the side in a gesture that you would find unbearably cute any other day makes you want to open the car door and jump out into the street, running away from the awkward silence and the confusing thoughts plaguing your mind.

-

Chenle leaves after promising to pick you up tomorrow morning, you can only nod your head rapidly and run into your house, afraid that he would be able to hear the loud beats of your heart.

Once the door of your room is closed safely behind you, you finally breathe for the first time this afternoon. “What the fuck? What the shit? What the hell?” You mutter to yourself as you pace around the room. 

Could it be that your dreams are finally becoming a reality? Had Chenle seen you the way you saw him this entire time?

The one sided crush wasn’t as one sided as you thought! Is what you wanted to think, but there was part of you that questioned where his intentions lie due to the abruptness of the situation. What if there was an ulterior motive behind his actions? No. Chenle wouldn't do something as bad as play with someone’s emotions like that? Right? 

As you lay in bed pondering the thought you decide it's best to ask him tomorrow.

-

You wake up 30 minutes earlier the next day, showering thoroughly and waiting in the living room so as to not make him wait too long to leave when he arrives. 

This moment comes while you’re sitting at the table with your family, your eyes widen as you hear the knocks on your front door. “I’ll get it!” You stop your mother from reaching the door as you run to it. 

Chenle smiles politely as your face appears from inside the house. “Hey.” 

You smile back nervously, “Hi.” You proceed to stand at the doorway for a few awkward seconds before your mother comes to see who it is. She is pleasantly surprised to see someone of the male species there in front of you. 

“Oh?” She says, smiling at him then looking at you suggestively. You try to convey a silent plea to not embarrass you before she looks away to shake Chenle’s hand.  “Hi! I’m Y/N’s mom, are you one of her friends?” 

Chenle smiles at her sweetly, “Yes, I am. I’m actually here to pick Y/N up for school.”

“You’re taking Y/N to school?” Your mother’s shocked face is enough to tell Chenle that it was probably the first time anything like this has happened to you. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Your mother sends you a sly smile that she thinks Chenle doesn’t notice before nudging your arm. “Then what are you doing standing there? Don’t make him wait!” Your groan and rub the spot on her arm where she pushed you as you go upstairs to grab your backpack.

Downstairs, Chenle accepts your mother’s offer of entering your humble home. Your house is a modest abode with strange decorations hanging up on the walls, along with pictures of your family. The living room looks like an orphanage where mix matched furniture goes to live. There's one pale green couch, one beige and one a bright yellow. Chenle thinks back to the pristine state of his own living room, the pure white furniture and modern, classy decorations hung up on the marble walls. He realizes that it is nothing like his own, in fact, he doesn’t think it could’ve been more different but he finds that he likes it. That it feels homey compared to his usually liefless house. It’s the kind of place he would stay in for a long time. 

Chenle shakes those thoughts out of his as soon as they appear, remembering why he was doing this in the first place, he couldn’t risk getting attached.

-

“Be honest with me.” 

Chenle startles upon hearing your voice above its normal shy muttering. You, on the other hand, are shaking in your shoes having practiced what you would say and thought over doing this millions of times last night. “What are your intentions? Like, it’s not that I think you’re a bad person or anything but I just don’t understand because of the suddenness.”

Chenle averts his eyes from the road to glance at you, smiling. He faces forward once again sighing slightly. “Okay, I’ll be honest,” He starts, you sit up straighter and involuntarily lean toward him. “I think you’re really cute, I always noticed you at my games and the way you would cheer me on was really endearing and it encourages me a lot.”

The butterflies that erupt in your stomach with his words are undeniable. “You noticed me?” Your quiet voice is back, still, he hears you. He smiles, and it’s genuine. 

“Of course I did,” he says, “And i know that it was very… sudden but if you give me a chance i would really love to take you on dates and maybe… more.”  

He sounds slightly unsure of himself. Rubbing the leather of his wheel with his hands. 

Your mind is mush. Chenle likes you! He thinks you're cute and he noticed you at his games! What is life?! 

“What do you say?” he says after the awkward pause in which you freaked out. 

‘No’ is not a word in your dictionary.

-

The cycle continues throughout the next week; Chenle picks you up every morning (never forgetting to bid your mother a good morning) and takes you home every afternoon (always politely rejecting your mother’s offers to stay for dinner), always spilling banter in the car, learning about each other. Chenle notices how you open up to him and he likes it (though he can’t really pinpoint why), he likes talking to you, and laughing with you and he finds himself wanting to be around you more often. Though this wasn’t initially part of the plan, he figures he can enjoy it until it had to end. 

The thought makes an eerie feeling rise in his chest, even if he doesn't know why, he thinks things will be a lot harder than he planned.

🏀

It’s friday when Chenle invites you to come watch his basketball practice.

You had imagined this scenario in your head plenty of times before but not once did you think you would ever actually be here sitting on the players bench watching up close as Chenle maneuvered across the court along with the rest of the players. There was sweat dripping off the tip of his blonde hair which made him look 10 times more attractive than he already was and you have to stop the drool that threatens to leak from your lips as he sits down next to you on the bench. “Hey.”

“Hi,” You reply, trying to keep yourself together.

“Practice is over.” Chenle says motioning towards the now empty court. It's only then that you realize that you and Chenle are alone, and suddenly, he’s sitting a lot closer to you than you thought. You turn your face to him and realize that your noses are nearly touching, Chenle smiles. “Hi.” He says, coming a bit closer until he feels the moisture of his sweaty arm against your dry one, he recoils. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I’m so sweaty right now.” There’s a dust of embarrassed blush on his face as he slides away on the bench. Your heart starts beating erratically as you watch him try to rub his sweat away with his small hand towel.

You can’t find the words to tell him it’s okay (slightly scared to tell him that you like it) so you say the next best thing. “You looked cool playing.”

This eases him a bit, he smiles. “You think so?”

“Yeah!” You say, “Like Curry!” 

Chenle laughs, “Oh man! I can’t believe you just compared me to Curry.” He stands and takes a bow, waving his towel dramatically. “I am honored.” 

The scene causes you to giggle, and Chenle has to take a breather to calm his own beating heart. 

“Especially when you blocked Jaemin at the 3rd point and scored on the spot. I was impressed.” 

“You must know a lot about basketball.” He points out. You shake your head. 

“Not really,” is your response. “I only learned from coming to watch your games.” The sudden confession slipped from your lips and you momentarily panicked. 

Upon not hearing  a response from Chenle, your breathing deepens and you think maybe you ruined the moment. 

Unbeknownst to you, Chenle watches you with curious eyes. He senses the tension coming from you and walks away, leaving you alone in your troubled state. 

You think maybe Chenle left without, freaked out and uncomfortable because of what you said, however, you’re proven ridiculously wrong when you dribble a basketball on the floor. 

You lift your gaze to Chenle who dribbled the orange ball with a teasing smile on his face. “Why don’t you show me what you got?” 

“I- I don’t-“ you begin. 

“Oh come one, Y/N!” He says, passing the ball to you, “You have to be good. I mean, you did learn from the best.” The cocky shrug of his shoulders and teasing smile bring you peace of mind and you find yourself agreeing. 

-

It’s safe to say that Chenle is surprised at your skills. He should’ve known you had paid enough attention to him to learn all his techniques and dodge them while playing. And to think he was planning on letting you win so you could feel better. It eventually became a full competition. Sweaty bodies and heavy breathing, running, dodging, scoring. Teasing words and intense competitive gazes. 

The score was 7-7. Chenle sweeps in to swipe the ball from your hands but you pivot and shoot the three pointer right from your spot. “Yes!” You exclaim, throwing your hands in the air with a celebratory dance. “I won!”

Chenle is leaning with his hands on his knees, his chest heaving. “I need-“ he breathes, “I need to stop being so good at basketball. So heathens like you can stop learning my best tricks.” He brings his hand up to pinch your cheek teasingly. “You should join the team.” He says jokingly. You chuckle, rubbing the spot on your face that was just touched by his fingers. 

“As if.” 

“Hey! Does the idea of being in a team with tons of rowdy sweaty dudes that unappealing?” Chenle jokes, placing the basketball back in its place. 

“It’s enough with you.”

Before you can retract the statement, Chenle speaks. “That’s right, you only need one sweaty rowdy basketball player in your life.” He winks. “And that’s me.”

You laugh at his words but can feel your heartbeat all throughout your body. You can’t stop your mind from thinking: 

You’re damn right. It’s you. 

-

As you walk back to his car, Chenle is the first to break the comfortable silence. “You know… it was nice to see you so talkative and competitive today. I had fun.” 

And despite everything, he meant it. He knows he probably shouldn’t, but he does. 

Unaware of his inner turmoil, you smile. “I did too.” 

He gives you a lopsided smile in return before sliding the strap of your backpack off your shoulder and onto his own, keeping his own backpack company. “I’ll carry it for you.” 

You wonder if this is the start of something magical. Beside you, Chenle wonders the same but his thoughts are weaved with something more, something that meant trouble. 

You, however, hurry home to pour your feelings into a letter. Hearts drawn on the borders of the loose leaf page and a smile on your face all throughout. 

🏀

Every week it gets harder to become immune to Chenle’s charm. 

Today, he did something as simple as drop you off at home after school. However, before bidding you goodbye as song rings from the radio of his car. Chenle perks up. “I love this song!” 

He turns up the radio to its full capacity and rolls down the windows, making the music sound through the street. 

“Chenle! Turn that down!” You exclaim but the laughter in your tone hints that you want the exact opposite. Chenle shakes his head. 

“No can do!” he waves his arms dramatically in the air, “Dance with me!” 

You laugh once again at the wonderful boy, “You’re ridiculous!”

“Oh yeah?” He says challengingly. Suddenly he is opening the door and dancing on the sidewalk where everyone could see him. His movements are almost manic and all you can do is continue laughing. “I’m not leaving until you dance with me.”

“My neighbors are going to see you.” You warn. He shrugs.

“It's fine. I’ll just tell them I’m with you!” 

“Oh my god no.” You say, stepping out of the passenger’s side, walking around the car until you’re in front of him, you cross your arms. 

“Show me some moves, I’m getting tired.” 

And so an impromptu two people dance party breaks out on the sidewalk in front of your house. Even though in your imagination dancing with Chenle would require the presence of an elegant ball gown and fancy chandeliers, all there is to be seen is loud music, laughter, grabbing of hands and playful banter. And you wonder if it could ever be more perfect than this.

-

Of course, like any other human, Chenle has his moments. 

The morning car ride was as silent as could be. Chenle’s hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, angrily. His usual smile is replaced but a scowl that only left momentarily when you stepped into the car earlier, a (clearly forced) polite smile is what you saw.

Since then you didn’t dare to speak, not wanting to bother him when he was clearly having a bad time. 

You arrive at the school and escape the still awkward ambience, bidding him a quiet farewell before running in. 

- 

You proceeded to spend the entire school day wondering what was up with Chenle that morning and what you could do to help him. It’s when you meet at the end of the day once again that you ask, “Hey, is everything okay?”

The boy freezes up, before clearing his throat. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

You shrug, “Nothing, you you were just kind of, like, quiet this morning… so i figured you were upset.” 

The blonde boy in the driver’s seat keeps his eyes on the road ahead of him, “It’s nothing, Y/N.” He says in a rough tone, one you’ve never heard or thought you would ever hear him use. “It doesn’t concern you anyway, okay?”  

Your form deflates into the seat, wishing you had kept quiet like you did this morning. You reply, “Okay.” 

There’s tension. Body swallowing tension that lasts all throughout the car ride to your house, as Chenle pulls up in front the driveway and you have already unbuckled your seatbelt before he got the chance to put the car in park. 

In the passenger’s seat, Chenle feels the guilt creeping on him. He realizes that you only asked because you cared. “Wait-” Seemingly, he is too late since you’ve already shut the car door and made your way up your driveway. “Goddammit.” He sighs to himself, working to take off his seatbelt.

Your feet hurriedly take you to your door after you exit Chenle’s car, your nerves increase as you hear Chenle leave his car. “Y/N, I-”

The door opens before you can turn the handle, your mother’s smiling face looks back at you. “Hey, Honey.” You smile back at the woman, who immediately notices the emotions behind your smile. Quietly, she asks: “Are you okay?” 

As soon as you nod in response, her eye catches Chenle standing guilty behind you. “Chenle! How are you?” 

Chenle smiles with a nod, “I’m doing alright.”

“Well, I would invite you in for dinner but I can imagine what your answer will be.” She says jokingly, teasing him for all the times he had rejected her offer. To her surprise, Chenle doesn’t laugh awkwardly or agree with her, instead, he ponders for a bit. His gaze finds your own causing you to quickly look away. He feels his heart contract as he thinks of starting at square one with you; back to when you couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Actually,” He says, “Dinner sounds great.”

🏀

Even though the tension between you and Chenle is painfully obvious, he feels his heart become lighter as he watches how you interact with your little siblings. Laughing at their childish antics and playing along with them at the dinner table. Your parents engaged in conversation with each other across the table and Chenle sat next to you, smiling and nodding as your little sister animatedly explained to him why the rocks she found next to the trash can at recess just had to be magical. As he looks at the dynamic you have in your home, he realizes that this feels more like a home than his house ever has. All of you are sat at the table, the splash of colors brought by the miscellaneous decorations, the laughter and the love radiating from every corner makes Chenle want to stay there forever. 

“Woah!” He acts, “Are you serious?” 

The little girl nods proudly, “Mhm! And I’m going to give this one,” she points to a particular shiny one on the dining table, “to Y/N, so she can make her dream come true. But don’t tell her it’s a secret.” 

He chuckles at her before whispering, “why do you think she’ll ask for?” 

She giggles, leaning closer. She puts a hand over her mouth as she whispers. “Number 22.” 

Chenle refrains from gasping, “Huh?”

“She talks about him but she never wants to tell me who he is.” She explains. “But I think if she had a rock to grant her wishes, she would wish for him.”

Chenle takes this moment to look over at you, studying your side profile as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, helping your little brother with his food. 

That’s when it hits him. He realizes that this isn’t what he planned it to be, that the bet he set up with his friends had gone too far, and that if he himself had a magic rock for his use… he would wish for you too.

-

“Thank you so much for the food, it was delicious.” Chenle says, rubbing his full belly to emphasize. Your mother chuckles. “It was my pleasure, Chenle. You can come back anytime you want, you are always welcome here.” 

“I definitely will, ma’am.” He says with a lopsided smile before shaking your father’s hand firmly. You can already tell by the way your father affectionately claps his hand on his shoulder and smiles at him that he too has taken a liking to the boy, like your mother. 

“Y/N.” She says sternly, turning to you who currently battled to avoid Chenle’s eyes. You hum. “Be polite and walk Chenle to his car, please.” 

You grimace subtly, not wanting to be the awkward air that would come with being alone with him. You want desperately to say no, but the gaze your mother gives you tells you that would mean trouble for you. 

The basketball player notices your hesitation and looks down sadly at his sneakers, remaining that way as you lead him to the front door of your house. Its then that Chenle looks up to the view of the back of your head, his hand twitches in want to smoothen out the ahi at the back of your head for you. 

You catch Chenle mid dilemma as you turn to face him, gesturing towards the open door. His eyes shift from you to the door. And to his car, he thinks about the ride home and how once he gets home it will just be him and he’ll be alone. 

He doesn’t want to be alone. Strangely enough, he wants to be with you. 

“Chenle?” He hears your soft voice. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you watch him stand there, unmoving, with a look of confusion. He looks into your eyes and realizes you’re waiting for him to walk through the door first. He does so, head tilted down. You follow him out the door and close it behind you. 

You trail behind him until he reaches his car, however, instead of getting in like you expected him to, he turns abruptly to you. His eyes are glossy and startled at the sight of them. “Do you-“ He pauses, hesitating. “Do you wanna go for a drive?” 

“A drive?” You ask, watching him fiddle nervously with his keys. 

“Yes.” 

“Right now?” He nods firmly. 

“I don’t- I don’t think my parents will let me go out this late.” You say, wrapping your arms around yourself to combat the winter wind. Before saying in a quieter voice, remembering the events that took place earlier that day, “And I thought you wanted to be alone.” 

Chenle feels guilty upon hearing your words. Knowing you felt hurt by his words from earlier. He shakes his head, stepping closer to you. “No. I don’t. That’s the last thing I want right now.” 

You see something in his eyes that you had never seen before. Exhaustion mixed with sadness and worry. The usually mischievous happy go lucky look nowhere to be seen amongst all the turmoil you found looking at him. You immediately grew more concerned. “Chenle…” you say, he looks away momentarily. “I’ll- let me ask my parents.” 

-

Much like many times before, you’re sat in the passenger's side of his expensive car. The scene has become common, except the ambiance is different. Chenle doesn’t attempt to start conversation like he always does, instead, he just stares forward blankly. Occasional tears rolling down his pale cheeks which he wipes away as soon as they appear, you are itching to ask the boy what is going on in his pretty head but decide against it once you remember how that turned out earlier. So you keep silent as Chenle presses harder on the gas causing the streetlights of the empty highway to become a blur above you. It momentarily impressed you how fast his car could go, however, once you look over at the boy, you see his state. Chenle has strings of tears running down his face, snot dripping out of his nose and even his hair is sticking to his forehead due to his excessive sweating. 

“Chenle, maybe we should pull over.”

He doesn’t seem to hear you, only pushing further down on the accelerator. Fear and concern enters your bloodstream as you watch him become a version of himself you’ve never seen, a version you didn’t even think existed. You reach over took him and rest your shaky hand on his arm. Upon feeling your touch, his head snaps to you and he hits the brakes abruptly causing your entire body to jolt forward. “Woah!”

Chenle’s chest heaves as he sees how scared he has made you. “I’m- I’m sorry.”

“Pull over, Chenle.” You say sternly, pulling your hand away and instead of doing what he wanted to do which was pulling your hand back to him, he does as you told him and park his car on the side of the road. The two of you sit in silence for what feels like forever, until you hear a sniffle come from Chenle’s side of the car. Looking over, you notice how he is hunched over the steering wheel, crying.

“Chenle?” You use the softest voice you could muster. “Chenle, what’s wrong?”

Your immediate response is silence. He takes in short choked breaths, it seems like every breath he takes causes him to fall into a state of agony. 

“I think-” he said, voice quivering. “Y/N, I think I’m a bad person.”

The sentence confuses you. “Why would you think that?” 

“Because I did something terrible to someone I care about.” He answers, you note that he is not able to meet your eyes. It scares you. “What did you do?”  

“I can’t-” He says breathlessly, his hand fumbling to open his car door. Stumbling out, watch as he makes his way around the car, leaning against the cement railing with his head in his hands. 

You watch him in momentary shock before following him his actions and getting out of the car as well. You carefully approach him. “What is going on with you?” 

Chenle sighs, pulling his hands away from his face. “I had a fight with my mother this morning, and everything was just piling up and I guess that was just the last straw.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“I just… everyone expects so much from me.” He breathes. “My parents, my friends, my teachers, everyone at that damn school!” The railing in front of him takes the blows of his frustration. “And I don’t think i’m as good as they think i am, i'm not worth it.” He looks over at you and you immediately straighten at the sight of his red face. “Like you, Y/N. You’re so good to me, so nice and sweet. I don’t deserve it. Especially from you.” 

You don’t know what he means by that. Chenle knows you don’t know but he stays silent. You take this as your chance to speak. “I’m not only nice to you because I want to be. Because you’ve always been nice to me too, Chenle.” You dare to step closer, into his bubble. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, it would be impossible to meet everyone’s expectations so just be yourself… that’s enough for a lot of people.”

Chenle’s mouth speaks before he can stop it. “Is it enough for you?”

To forgive me? To still be the same after you realize what I’ve done. 

There is a silence that follows that one sentence, Chenle avoids your gaze nervously, he doesn’t realize that your silence is the product of your racing mind. The mind that is currently trying to find the words to describe what is happening in your heart. You ultimately decided that the best way to go is the truth. 

“You know… I kinda had a crush on you all throughout high school, which is kind of embarrassing but that’s not the point,” you start, “the point is that I had this perfect version of you in my head. Of what you would be like. And then when you came up to me that day… I didn’t know if I could talk to someone who wasn’t the Chenle I knew up here.” You take the liberty of poking a finger against your temple. “But I did anyway, and I realized you were nothing like the Chenle I saw in my head…”

Chenle chuckled sadly before commenting, “Ouch.” 

“You were better than him.” Chenle’s gaze snaps towards you in shock, you look forward. Too afraid to meet his gaze. “Nicer, funnier, and way more handsome than I thought up close.” You chuckle, having made the comment to help him feel better. “So yeah. I would say you are enough. More than, even.” 

“You really mean that?” 

For the first time you make eye contact, you furrow your eyebrows to try and make your sincerity as apparent as possible. “I do.”

He knows you do and that mends his heart as much as it breaks it into tiny pieces. He wants nothing more than to pull you towards him and smash his lips onto your own, but he also knows that it will only worsen the situation that is yet to come. Still his hands reach before he can stop them and reach to cup either side of your face. 

Your heartbeat is running at an unearthly speed, Chenle can hear it but knows his own is probably the same. Betraying his common sense, he leans into you until your lips are almost touching, the top brushing enough to have you wanting more. You think he’s going to kiss you and close your lips tightly. However, instead of his lips, you feel his hot breath when he utters the words: “I’m sorry.” Before removing his hands from your face and backing away. 

You can’t say the action didn’t cause a hurtful blow to your feelings but you also knew Chenle was in a tough place right now. You smile at him. “You don’t have to be sorry.” 

Chenle hates how you smile at him when he does things that hurt your feelings. He hates that you’re so considerate and nice to him despite what he is doing to you behind your back. He hates that you will find out one day and that you’ll hate him as much as he hates this. He hates that he doesn’t want to lose you, and that in the end he probably will. 

-

Friday is a holiday, so you don’t see Chenle the day after he took you on a late night drive with him. (You wrote another letter that night). In fact, you don’t hear from him until your phone chimes Saturday morning, Chenle’s name above a text message.

22 [9:15am]: hey

22 [9:15am]: I hope you’re good :)

22 [9:15am]: I just wanted to let you know there’s a party at my house tonight

22 [9:16am]: if you want

22 [9:18am]: actually, I really want you there so…

22 [9:20am]: please come.

You read the texts over a few times, it dawns upon you that you've never seen Chenle’s house. Sure, you’ve heard from classmates who had gone to his huge parties that it was extravagant as can be, resembling a hotel lobby rather than a house. The thought of being in his home made your hands sweat. Still, you remember how anxious you were to see him, especially after the other night, and you find yourself typing a reply of confirmation before tossing your phone to the side and walking to your closet to find something to wear for tonight. 

🏀

As soon as your parents drop you off in front of what was easily the biggest, brightest, classiest house you’ve ever seen in your entire life, you get the unnerving urge to go home. 

The abundance of people did nothing to help the creeping anxiety, the stares of some that briefly trained on you before whispering something to their friends. You couldn’t help but feel out of place. That is, until you see a familiar face. Jisung walks up to you with his hand wrapped around his girlfriend’s. “Hi!” He calle brightly as the girl waved friendly. 

“Hey guys!” You try to stabilize your voice. “How’s the party?” 

“Honestly… it kinda turned sour once some lower class men came and started to get wasted.” Jisung chuckled out, his girlfriend nods in agreement as she grips his arm affectionately. You smile when he looks over at her and smiles. There’s a part of you that feels envious of the relationship the two have but most of your thoughts surround how happy you are for the two. “We’re probably leaving soon anyway.” Jisung adds on. 

After getting over your monetary panic of having to be alone once again you nod your head, smiling at them. “Okay, I’m going to try to find Chenle.” They nod and bid their farewells, you sigh out loud as you walk through the crowd once again, searching for the blonde hair of the boy you so desperately need to calm right now. 

“I heard that she is the one Chenle left Ava for?” You hear someone say. 

“No way! Chenle wouldn’t stoop that low, plus I heard Ava broke up with him.” 

“Either way, I don’t understand why he would be hanging with her anyway, he probably feels sorry for her. What a loser.” 

It’s strange how you can hear their comments over the loud music that causes the walls to vibrate. You feel like vomiting as your insecurities take over and another sweaty presses against you. You push them away and run the rest of the way, not looking to find Chenle anymore just wanting to get out of here. You find what you hope is the bathroom and open the door, running inside and shoving the door closed, chest heaving.

“Y/N?” You hear from behind you, you turn around in shock and make eye contact with the red faced boy you spent your whole night looking for. “Chenle.” 

It’s then that you realize that he’s not alone. Across from him is an equally red faced Ava, eyebrows furrowed and lips turned down in a frown. 

It dawns upon you that you might have just interrupted something. 

You look between the two before averting your gaze back to the floor. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Hands grabbing the door handle and turning it quickly in a desperate attempt to flee the room. Completely deaf to the , “Wait!” That leaves Chenle’s mouth as you leave the room. 

Soon enough your back in the sea of sweaty drunks, trying to stabilize your voyage to the front door. To escape the stormy waters this night has caused your nerves. 

And you almost make it, had it not been for the harsh shove you received that sent you tumbling onto the floor. Suddenly, the people around you become giants and their huge feet stomp around you, threatening to squash you under their sneakers as if you were an irrelevant bug. 

Your shaky legs prevent you from standing up, and you only realize you’re crying when you feel a tear run down the side of your neck. No one seems to notice you’re there and you suddenly remember why being invisible sucks. 

It feels like ages have passed when you feel hands gripping your arms and lifting you onto your feet. Chenle’s voice sounds distance even if he’s barely an inch away from you. “Are you okay?” 

“I think-“ you say, shakily. “I think I’m having a panic attack.” 

Chenle takes your head and shoves it into his chest, making sure to keep a hand over your eyes as he leads you through the crowd. “It’s okay.” He whispers. “Everything is going to be okay.” 

He repeats the sentences over and over until you two reach a quieter place and you hear the door of a shutting door and the music becomes muffled. 

Chenle keeps a hand secured around your head as he holds you for a few more seconds before slowly letting you go. 

“I need you to breathe with me, okay?” He says. Before you can think, you nod. “In through your nose.” He demonstrated, you follow. “Out through your mouth.” 

You continue this until the beating of your heart has slowed down and you don’t feel like you're physically suffocating anymore. Instead, you feel tired. Chenle must have noticed because he ushers you to lay on the neatly made bed behind you, tucking you in before you had time to protest. 

🏀

It takes a whole ten minutes for either of you to speak, you half expected Chenle to leave after throwing this blue blanket over you, instead, he sits at the edge of the mattress and picks at his nails. Kind of like he wants to say something. 

“Thank you for helping me.” You speak first. “I don’t know what went wrong.” 

Chenle sighs, “I’m sorry for not finding you, I just- I was-“ 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.” You interrupt, remembering where he was when you finally found him. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, still you know it’s not your place to question him. “I should get going, anyway.” You rush to slip on your shoes only to be stopped by Chenle. 

“No, it’s not what you thought it was.” He starts. You avert your gaze from him in fear of what he had to say. “Ava and I ran into each other earlier and she was just going off about how horrible I was in front of everyone. I think she was drunk, but she was causing a scene so I wanted to take her somewhere where it wouldn’t cause a commotion. I didn’t want to bring her in here so I just took her to the bathroom” He says, “We got into a bit of an argument, and that’s when you walked in.” 

“It’s-“ 

“She told me she wanted to get back together.” He blurts out, like he was getting something off his chest. 

“Oh.” Is your reply.

“Obviously I said no.” He says, almost expectedly. He doesn’t know that the knot that was tightening in your chest loosened a bit at his words. He watches you for a bit before speaking again. “What- what’s on your mind?” 

The question catches you off guard. You don’t really know what’s on your mind, the messy twister of thoughts going too fast for you to be able to reach in and grab a coherent thought. Only one thing pops up and you go with it. 

“Is this your room?” 

Chenle is silent for a second before he says. “Uh, yeah? Yes, it is.” 

You hum, laying on your back once again. It’s then that you notice the glow in the dark stars Chenle has stuck to the ceiling of his room, identical to the ones in your own. “You have stars on your ceiling.” 

He chuckles embarrassingly, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’ve lived here since I was a kid my grandad put them up there when I was young and I just never got around to taking them down.” 

“I have the same ones on mine.” 

“Really?” He asks. But he can’t help the shift his heart takes as he thinks of the two of you laying under the same glow in the dark stars every night. 

Before he knew it, he was walking towards the light switch and flicking it off. The lights shine to their full potential over you. It eases you a bit, until you feel the bed dip next to you and you smell his close proximity to you, feeling the warmth coming his shoulder where it touches your own as you lay side by side. 

The silence is comfortable this time. 

“Do you ever have panic attacks?” You ask suddenly. 

Chenle shakes his head but remembers you can see him, “No.” He whispers, as if someone would hear him. “But Jisung does sometimes, so I learned some techniques to be able to help him through it.” 

You smile into the darkness. “That’s nice of you.” You lower your voice to his whispering tone.

Suddenly words are absent and the two of you just stare at the stars to the ceiling. 

You know it’s weird, that after the other night, you are lying in Chenle’s bed beside him like nothing happened. Like you had always been there. You wondered whether you should be glad or scared that you feel that way.

Beside you, Chenle is having his own dilemma. On one part, he feels relieved that you’re safe now, that no one can hurt you now that you’re here with him. He feels comforted that you look so at home in his room, blending in so well it almost sends his head reeling. (Partially the reason he turned off the lights.) On another part, he feels so scared that he wants to think you blend in and that he wants to tell you everything in his head. That he wants to let you in, when he knows he shouldn’t. That he felt concern in his veins when he saw you in such a panicked state earlier, and all he wanted to do was tuck you into his chest and protect you forever. 

Why did he want to protect you forever? 

He turns on his side, you feel it. His breath fans on the side of your face. You turn to his darkness, staring to where you knew his face would be. 

“Can I tell you something?” He says, it’s too late to take it back now, since you nod. “The other night when I ate dinner at your house…” he starts, “I was in such a bad place, And I never thanked you for putting up with me and having me over for dinner, it made me feel so much better, you know before everything blew up in the car.” 

You furrow your eyebrows at his words. “That was actually my mom’s doing, but I will make sure to tell her you said so.” 

Chenle shakes his head, kissing his teeth. “No, that’s not it. It was because you were there, Y/N.” 

You hold your breath when he said that, not replying. Chenle takes his own in an attempt to calm his rapid heart. “Spending time with your family kinda made me feel like I was a part of something special.” He confesses. “Something you were a part of.”

An unsteady exhale tumbles from your lips, his statement doing a number on your heart. “What… what are you trying to say?”

This is it, Chenle. Tell her about the bet, confess what you did and fix everything before things get too serious and you break her heart. Tell her the truth! 

‘The truth’ Chenle thinks. ‘Okay.’

“I like you, Y/N.” You don’t see that he is squeezing his eyes shut even if the room is pitch black.

“What?” You say in disbelief, even if the butterflies have already started erupting in your stomach. 

“I like you.” He repeats. “So much.” 

You stare in his direction in a state of shock and happiness. Meanwhile, Chenle beats himself up in his mind, taking your silence as a bad sign. “It's okay if you don’t want to be a thing or anything, I just thought, you know, since I like you and you like me… Liked? Is that past tense?” 

Your head shakes and causes a ruffling noise against his pillow. “No, it’s very much present tense.” 

The warmth pressed against your shoulder disappears. And you hear Chenle’s footsteps throughout the room, suddenly the world turns bright and Chenle walks back to the bed. Now with the light on, he can see the blush on your cheeks and the small smile you wear. He smiles back at you, but he feels bad. So, so bad. 

So bad that leans down to lay over you, kissing your breath away. 

It's only after the momentary surprise that you begin to kiss him back.

His lips are rougher than you thought they would be, but still held some pillow like softness you expected. His hands hold your cheeks as he dips down further to bring his lips closer to yours. 

Now you totally understood why everyone was so crazy about kissing. It’s the best thing ever, and you never want it to end. However, breathing becomes an issue when you kiss someone, you learned. Chenle is the first to pull away, keeping his face a barely centimeters from your own, your breaths meet in the middle. 

When you finally open your eyes, you are met with Chenle’s worried ones already watching you. You immediately frown. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask. Are you a bad kisser? Does your breath smell? Does he regret it? His response is unlike those, shocking you when the words leave his mouth. 

“I don’t want to break your heart, Y/N.”  He looks away from you. His body is still positioned above you, the position being one that makes it hard to avoid your eyes (and one that is even suggestive).  Still he tries his best, that is, until he feels your soft hands cradling his cheeks just as he has been doing to your own just a few minutes ago. 

“Chenle, look at me.” You say, though your voice is wavering. He obliges. “Why are you worried about that?” 

“I just-” You can tell he would look away if you weren’t holding his head in place, he can’t hide his eyes now. “I’m just afraid I'll do something to hurt you and that you’ll hate me.” He says, which isn’t the whole truth but is also not a lie. 

“Why would I hate you? I could never.” Chenle wants to scoff sadly when you say that but you cut him off. “I’ll promise to not break your heart if you promise to not break mine.” You extend your pinky in between your faces. 

Chenle winces internally, feeling like he already broke your heart. And he is more scared now that it’s real. That you like each other and this probably makes you guys a thing, that he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings like he knows he will. But he also thinks about the fact that he has never felt this way with anyone else, that you were the first girl he ever felt comfortable enough with to let in his room, that you have glow in the dark stars like him and that it kind of feels like you’re split-aparts that have finally found each other. The longer he could keep you by his side, the better. 

That’s when he decides to let himself live in this world, at least while he can. He wraps his pinky around yours and lets your thumbs touch, sealing the deal.

He doesn’t have time to regret his decision because you lean up and catch his lips before he can think of anything but you.

🏀

Two weeks later, and most of your days have been spent much like this one. Chenle’s arms wrap protectively around your middle as you read the messages on your phone. One being a reminder from the president of the student council about the special dress code for Valentine’s Day. 

You turn in Chenle’s hold and meet his sleepy eyes, he smiles. “Did you see what the student council is doing?” 

“Mm?” He replies, you turn your phone to him. “A dress code?” 

“Yep, white for single, pink for complicated, and red for taken.” You say, bringing attention back to you phone. “I’m glad I look good in pink.” 

The statement confuses Chenle. “What do you mean pink? What is complicated?” 

You startle at the awareness and worry on his voice compared to the sleepy mumbles you were getting just moments ago. “Well… I mean, you never asked me to be your girlfriend.” 

Chenle freezes. You were right, he never did because part of the bet was to have a girlfriend by Valentines, it made him feel as though he wasn’t a complete asshole if he hadn’t completed the bet. “You’re right.” 

You watch him expectedly, but receive no response. Holding back a sigh, you bring your attention back down to your phone. 

“Are you upset with me?” His soft voice meets your ears. 

You shake your head. “Of course not, why would I be?” 

“It’s not fair to you that I keep you waiting.” None of what I’ve done to you is fair, he thinks. 

You reach up and stroke the hair that frames his face, smiling softly. “I’ll wait until you’re ready, Chenle. You know that.” 

It scares him how soft you are, how warm and safe he feels when he’s with you. That’s when he decides, it’s best if he waits out this week and lets himself live like this longer, even if it’s for a bit. 

“Kiss me.” He whispers. And you do. Pushing your chest flush against his, making sure every part of your body touches his own; remaining like that until you are sure you have blisters lining your lips from how much you’ve kissed him. 

The two of you end up hotly panting, you straddled over his lying figure. Chenle looks up at you from where he is before sitting up, suddenly, you feel the warmth of his hands tug at the edge of your shirt. His eyes ask for permission, which you reply to with a nod. 

You’re nervous. Very much so. You wonder if this will be the first time you have sex or if anything else will happen. 

Chenle lifts your shirt off your head and places it next to your body. “Is this okay?” He asks, his big innocent eyes looking up at you. 

“Yes.” Is the only answer you can formulate. 

The boy maintains eye contact with you as he says the following words. “Do you want to take off mine?” 

Your face flushed red, you can feel it. “I-if that’s okay with you.” His answer is in the form of his hands leading your own to the hem of his shirt, before letting go and putting his arms up. Your hands are shaking as you grab the clothing, slowly pulling it up, exposing his pale abdomen inch by beautiful inch. 

You smile at him as his head finally reappears from the whole in his shirt. “Hi.” You say, he smiles.

What he does next is something you didn’t expect from the lead up of events, unlike anything you’ve seen in erotic movie or read about in novels. 

He wraps his arms around your waist and pushes you down to lay next to him, he then pulls you towards him so that your the heat of your torso melts into his own. He shuffles until he is as close to you as he can get, only then is when stops moving. Resting his cheek against your own, you feel his breath on your ear. 

“I just want to be close to you, to hold you.” 

Just like that your heart is full to the brim once again. 

-

It’s the night before Valentine’s Day and Chenle is restless. He had decided tomorrow would be the day he would tell you everything. He would come clean and the two of you would start over (right?). He had practiced what he was going to say for hours earlier that night, wanting to have the perfect words so that his message got across to you. Still, even with all that practice, he knows there’s no guarantee that you won’t hate him. That you will swear him off and never speak to him again, when he has become so fond of you. The thought makes his hands ache and toes curl in an angsty feeling. 

After tossing and turning for nearly two hours, he finally gives up on sleeping and opts for looking at the stars stuck to his ceiling. He wonders if you’re awake right now. If you’re thinking about him while looking at your stars. He imagines your messy hair and pajamas and smiles softly to himself. “I miss her.” He says out loud, to the darkness of his room. 

Suddenly, everything happens in a flash as he throws his covers off himself and marches to the closet, pulling out his favorite red hoodie, grabbing the Valentine’s Day gift he had gotten you days ago then he’s in his car. Desperate to get where you are. 

-

It’s nearly 1am when you hear the knocking on your window. You had just begun to fall asleep when the noise startled you awake. 

Upon inspecting your window cautiously, you gasp when you see Chenle’s blonde hair. The window opens with a click. “Chenle! What are you doing here?” 

What is he doing here? “I just wanted to see you.” 

His words flutter your heart. “But it’s 1am, on a school night.” 

“I know that, I just…” he scratches the back of his neck because in reality he doesn’t know why the hell he even came here in the first place. “I had to give you something.” 

He extends the bag in his hand out to you. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” 

The bag contains two items, the first being the red hoodie you had seen Chenle wear many times before. His smell reeked off of it, causing you to nearly die of delight. “Wear this tomorrow.” He says. “Cause you’re mine.” 

You don’t know that his heart hurts for you, he pities you for being the one who causes him to lose all self control and make decisions that will hurt you in the long run. He feels so sorry that he couldn’t wait until tomorrow, that he just wanted you today, now. Before you get the chance to hate him. To run away. He wanted you to be his. 

You say nothing to him, only smiling bashfully as your cheeks matched the color of his clothing item. You look into the bag and see a black box that would be the second item. “What’s this?” You say to yourself, smiling up at Chenle. You open the box to reveal a beautiful necklace with a pretty pink diamond hanging off the end. You gasp. 

“Chenle, I can't accept that.” You say, closing it. You knew the necklace probably cost more than your house, you felt guilty taking it. 

“Please accept it. I bought it for you. I want to see it on you every day.” He seizes the opportunity to reassure himself. “And yes. It cost a lot, so that means we have to continue seeing each other, hm?” 

“Chenle…” you say. 

“Please.” He says in a way that makes you wonder if this is only about the necklace. 

“Okay.” 

You pivot and allow him to clip the chain, you turn to him and catch his reaction to the jewelry resting against your upper chest. “How do I look?”

Chenle’s eyes study the necklace before looking into your own. He smiles somewhat sadly as his arm reaches up to stroke your own. “You look beautiful.” He whispers. “Just like I knew you would.” 

You can’t put your finger on it, but something about his demeanor is unsettling. “Chenle, is something wrong?” You ask, to which he shakes his head weakly, but the sad look on his face tells you otherwise. You figure it had something to do with his family and refrain from asking. Instead you cup his cheek to provide him comfort, he leans into your touch and shits his eyes momentarily. “I love it. Thank you.” You say in a quiet voice. Chenle watches your features move into a soft smile before impulsively leaning forward to peck your lips. 

“I’m so happy.” To be with you, to be yours. “Let's be happy together for a long time, okay?”

You don’t say no.

-

The next morning you arrive before every other student to school. Chenle’s red sweater rests on your figure as you reach your locker and take out what had been heavy in your mind since last night. The letters. You were going to give them to Chenle and ask him to be your boyfriend. Sure, you were nervous to do so, but you knew Chenle was someone you wanted to have in your life for a long time. That's why you slip the envelopes decorated with his name one by one into the vent of his locker. 

You remember thinking this would be the beginning of something great. 

You were wrong.

🏀

There’s a pep in your step as you make your way through the halls after school clad in Chenle’s red hoodie, heart eyes searching for the boy. 

And for the first time in probably ever, you wished you wouldn’t have found him. You wished you didn’t have to see Chenle pressed up against his locker with his hands resting on Ava’s hips as she kisses him roughly. 

“Oh my god.” You say, voice small but enough to catch Chenle’s ear. The boy immediately pushes Ava away from him and turns to the sound of your voice with pleading eyes. 

“Y/N-“

“Look who showed up!” Ava interrupts, turning fully towards you. “I was wondering when you were going to come looking for him like you always do, I bet you’re glad it’s over, right Chenle?” 

The way the boy looks away from your eyes to shift his guilty gaze to the floor makes you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “Chenle what is she talking about?” 

When the boy remains silent, Ava’s high pitched voice answers for him. “Well, since he doesn’t seem very talkative right now, I’ll just tell you myself.” She clears her throat, as if setting the scene, your hands are starting to ache. “A month ago, our darling Chenle made a bet with his friends after our break up, you know as boys do, they said he couldn’t get another girlfriend before Valentine’s Day. Obviously, Chenle’s competitive self took that as a challenge and it’s obvious that you had been in love with him for like ever so you were the easiest target.” 

The way the world stops spinning isn’t like it’s described in all the romance novels you read, it’s not the good kind that makes you feel like you're floating that nothing could stop you, it’s the kind that weighs you down and makes you feel dizzy, causing you to stumble. This is what you feel when you ask: “Chenle… is this true?” And the boy just stares at you, for a second before looking away once again. 

“Of course, it’s true. He was even showing me the pathetic love letters you wrote to him.” She motions to the stack of letters in Chenle’s hands. You gasp, feeling like every last bit of you was torn apart. The thought of them reading the deepest tellings of your heart and laughing at it, all when you wholeheartedly believed that the boy you spoke about in the letters was finally all yours.

When he wasn’t. He was never yours. But he wanted you to think that. 

“Oh my god,” you run to him and attempt to rip the letters out of his hands only for him to hold on tighter. “Let go, Chenle.” 

“Y/N, please-“ 

You can’t help the sob that creeps up your throat as your attempt weakly to shake your heart out of his hands. “Please, let go.” 

Chenle watches you cry before him and feels like that the act of ripping his actual heart out of his chest would hurt less than this. 

You take this moment of weakness and rip the letters out of his grasp, before running down the hall. 

-

It’s only when you feel a hand grasp your shoulder and spin you around that you realize that Chenle has followed you all the way out to the parking lot. 

Seeing him caused every bone in your body to ache, and the contractions in your heart were hard to ignore. “Wait, okay? I need to explain somethings to you.” 

“I don’t want to hear your explanations! I just want to go home.” You realize that you probably sound like a bratty child but you couldn’t care less. 

Chenle nods, “Okay, then let’s go.” 

“Not with you.” 

Chenle can't help the dagger that the sentence shoots into his heart. “Then I’ll say what I need to say right here!” He exclaims, trying to mask his pain with anger. “It’s true that I made a bet with my friends to date you the day I first drove you home, and it’s really shitty of me, I know. But I had just broken up with Ava and everything was so messy and I just wanted to make her feel bad so I said yes. “ He pauses, “I said yes and so I went to you since I knew you liked me-“

“Jesus,” you wince, embarrassment creeping up your throat and clogging it up. Your eyes water as you think of how truly fucked up the situation is. 

That day, one month ago, you were right to question Chenle’s intentions. No, he didn’t admire you or see you the way you saw him, you were just easy bait. And everything has been a lie. “I can’t- I can’t do this.”

Chenle tries to stop the tears of guilt that threatened to leak from the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

“No you’re not.” Your bitter words are a shock to Chenle, he had never heard you use that tone with him (or with anyone) before. “You’re not fucking sorry.” Tears of humiliation and frustration run down your face and Chenle wants desperately to cradle your cheeks in his hands, but thinks he might never be able to after this. “It might not have been a big deal to you Chenle, but you were my first kiss, you were the first guy who ever took me on dates and drove me around in his car, you. And I thought you were the first boy who ever liked me.” The smell of him you once loved reeks of the hoodie covering your body, however, instead of feeling welcomed and happy you feel like it’s creeping up the sides of your neck and suffocating you to no end. You groan as you grab the hem of the article and rip it off your body, leaving you in a flimsy t-shirt to combat the winter cold. 

Chenle sighs, “I know you’re mad at me but you’re going to get sick if you walk home like that. It’s cold.”

You scoff in response, “Lucky for you then, because you don’t need to worry about me anymore.” In a quieter voice you say. “I was probably just a burden to you this whole time.” 

The boy immediately opposes the statement, “You were never a burden, I liked hanging out with you. I care about you.” 

“Only because it helped you win that stupid bet, and to make your ex jealous!” You exclaim, finally looking into his sorry eyes. He looks tired, you almost falter in your stance before putting up the wall separating you two that had always been there before the day he drove you home. 

You wished he had never approached you, because the Chenle in your dreams would never do this to you. 

It’s in that moment that you feel the weight of the dove on your neck, your finger move to unhinge it as you place it on top of the hoodie resting against his chest. You watch his jaw tense as he looks at you. You make eye contact one last time with the blonde haired boy in front of you, Before sadly turning away. 

“Y/n please,” it’s the weakest you’ve ever heard his usually booming voice. “Don’t leave me like this. What about our promise, huh? You’re breaking my heart right now.” Chenle knows the attempt to get you to stay is pathetic and desperate but he’s at a loss of what to do. 

Angrily, you spit. “You broke my heart the moment you approached me that day so I guess that promise was made to be broken wasn’t it?” 

Chenle watches you walk away with your arms wrapped tightly around your shaking body. He sees as you walk past a trash can and dump all your letters into it, wiping your tears and starting your journey to the bus stop. 

And he would never share this with you, walks up the trash can with tears in his eyes and reaches into the garbage, picking out every letter in there. He figures it’s the only piece of your heart he can manage to save for himself. It’s proof that the hate you now hold in your heart for him was once love. 

Even if he ruined everything. 

-

You never knew they called it heartbreak because your chest physically hurts this much. At times you feel like throwing up, at others you want to throw all your belongings across your room. The pain was almost unbearable at the beginning, embarrassing and hot flashes of anger running through you constantly as you think back to that moment.

You don’t go to school that Monday, telling your mom you were feeling sick. Which isn’t entirely a lie, especially when you see Chenle’s car pull up outside your house that morning. You feel like throwing up again. You’re angry at him. So so angry that he thinks things will be the same after what he did. That he thinks he can pull up at your house and drive you around after completely breaking your heart. 

You pull the blinds down as your mom comes through your door. “Honey, Chenle is here.”

“Tell him to leave.” You seeth, tears running down your face. You wipe them away frustratedly. “Tell him to never come back here, Mom.”

Your mother watches with sad, sympathetic eyes. Before nodding solemnly and closing the door on her way out. 

Due to a strange urge, you peek through the blinds and wait to see him walk out your driveway. He does, dragging his feet. Much to your dismay, he stops suddenly and turns to face your window. You immediately step away in the darkness of your room, away from the light and Chenle’s eyes. 

-

Three weeks pass, things at school remain the same for the most part. You hang out with Donghyuck like you used to. You try your best to not look over at the athletes table even when you feel Chenle’s eyes on you. However, somethings do change, you no longer spend your class time daydreaming about a certain blonde boy, or writing love letters on the back pages of your notebook about how pretty his eyes look when they catch the light. Instead, you stare out the window of your classrooms, wanting nothing more than to be in your room away from everyone once again. You sigh and look away from the window momentarily before looking up again. You startle as you see Chenle on the other side of the glass. Watching you with eyes that looked like they had a lot to say. You shudder  when you take in the bag under his eyes and exhaustion written all over his face. You want to believe it’s because of you, you hope it is. You hope he can’t sleep at night thinking of you. Nevertheless, you remember what happened on Valentine’s Day and realize you were probably too insignificant to him to have caused him to be this way. 

He softly smiles at you, bringing his hesitant hands up to wave at you, only for you to avert your eyes away from him and to the teacher at the front of the room. 

Chenle looks down dejectedly before continuing his walk, meanwhile you sit at your desk, wanting to escape more than ever. 

-

Three days later, your mother informs you that you have a visitor. “Tell him I don’t want to see him.” 

“It’s not Chenle.” She says before confusedly adding: “He said his name is Jisung.” 

Jisung? What the hell is he doing here? “I’ll be down in a minute.” 

When you finally get down stairs Jisung smiles awkwardly at you before gesturing towards the door. “Do you like milkshakes?” 

-

“What is this about?” 

The words that say heavy on your tongue the whole car ride here finally leave you as you sit across Jisung at Billy’s. He sips his milkshake before clearing his throat to speak. “How have you been?” 

You’ve been really shitty. “I’ve been fine, I guess.”

Jisung hums, rubbing his hand together before sighing. “I guess we should just get straight to the point, then.” He pauses, “Have you spoken to Chenle recently?”

While you figured this meeting had something with Chenle, you still sit up straighter when you hear his name. You clear your throat as if this is a kind of declaration. “No. I haven’t spoken to him since Valentine’s day.” You don’t want to ask about him, so you try the next best thing. “Why- why do you ask?” 

“I haven’t seen him since last week.” Jisung says, something in your stomach doesn’t sit right. “He’s been missing practice, which he never did, and he’s not answering any of my messages or calls. And the pre-final game is tomorrow and no one has heard from him.” 

His words are bazar. Basketball is unarguably the most important thing in Chenle’s life, why would he risk this chance of winning the championship like this? “He hasn’t spoken to me either, sorry.” You say, but your mind is fogged with worry as to where the boy could be. Jisung remains silent for some time before he clicks his tongue. 

“I know what happened between you two.” You avoid his gaze and feel blood rush to your cheeks. “And I think you’re right for not talking to him after that.” 

How could he say that about his best friend? Still, you nod. “But I think you only know a part of what’s really going on here.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, yeah. The whole thing started as a bet, but after a few weeks Chenle told me that something changed. He said he didn’t want to do the bet anymore, that he felt guilty for using you like that because he ended up really really liking you Y/N and I’m not just saying this because he is my best friend or anything but I think when the time is right, you should give him a chance.”

You finally look up at him and realize upon feeling a tear trail down your face that you were crying. You wipe it away quickly and sigh. “I don’t know, Jisung. He really hurt me, I was so embarrassed I felt like I could die.” 

“Sometimes we make stupid decisions.” The ‘we’ reminds you of the story of Jisung and his girlfriend’s love story that Chenle animatedly told you about one night you stayed at his house. You remember wondering how someone as sweet as Jisung could do any of those things, and how his girlfriend could forgive him for any of it.However, you knew the love they had for each other in their hearts was more than the anger due to his actions. You wonder if the attachment you have for Chenle would ever be enough. 

Jisung reads your mind. “I think he loves you.”

Your eyes become wide as planets before you scoff in disbelief. “Don’t say that.” You say, weak hearted.

“He does! While you two were still a thing he wouldn’t stop talking about how cute you were, how good you are at basketball and how you have the same glow in the dark stars on your ceiling that he does.” 

What? You didn’t think cared enough to talk about you or to remember those details. “He told you that?” 

Jisung nods, “And a lot of other things, but I don’t think we’ll have the time.” 

“He… he never told me he loved me.” You thought Chenle had just come into your life as a lesson to always be on your guard, to never let anyone in and protect yourself above others. But now… you wonder if you meant more to Chenle than you thought.

“Take it from me,” Jisung says, “sometimes those 8 letters can be the hardest to say.” 

🏀

Once you’ve parted ways with Jisung, (who offered to drive you home to which you politely declined to, telling him the walk home would give you time to think) you make your way home on your dirty sneakers and think about what Jisung said. 

It’s hard to believe that Chenle would actually say those things about you, while knowing he was playing you. You wondered if it really did change for him like Jisung said, and if he really felt sorry like he was telling you that day in the parking lot. 

You’re so lost in thought that you don’t realize the familiar car parked in front of your house until you hear the voice your heart has been longing to hear for weeks now. “Is Y/N home?” 

You bolt to the nearest bush and duck behind it, close enough to hear their words but far enough that Chenle and your conflicted mother are unaware of your presence. “Oh, I’m sorry sweetie she went out a few hours ago.” 

“Oh.” You flinch when you hear the disappointment in his voice. “Can you tell her I stopped by?” And that I miss her, he wants to say but you don’t know that. “And please give this to her too if it’s not too much trouble.” You hear shuffling as Chenle hands whatever it is he wanted to give you to your mom. 

“I will, sweetie.” Your mom says. “And Chenle?” There's a pause in which he hums. “Get some sleep, honey.”

You can imagine that Chenle throws her his signature polite smile, “I will try, Ma’am.” 

It’s not longer after that you hear his sneakers against the steps of your porch and see him get into his car. You have a perfect view of him from where you are. Watching as he frustratedly runs his hands through his hair and throws his head back against the seat. You don’t know why you feel sorry for him. You know you should be angry but after what Jisung told you, you need to stop yourself from going to him. 

-

You contemplate if even looking inside the bag is a decision. 

It sits in front of you neatly on your bed where you had placed it after your mother handed it to you with a worried: “He looks so tired, Y/N.” Which caused hurt to arise in your heart. 

The bag is a bright red one, the type that usually is full of candies and sweets, maybe flowers. You want to know what is inside manically, but you're afraid about what this would mean for your relationship (if you could even call it that) with Chenle. Is this his final goodbye or is this him trying to get you back?

You had to know.

Upon opening it, you are shocked to see a pale yellow envelope with your name written in Chenle’s messy handwriting on top. You grab it with shaky hands, the texture is different somehow, because for the first time ever, this letter was meant for you.  

Inside, there is a loose leaf paper much like the ones you had sent to him neatly folded. Your heart beats in your ear as you finally see the first words, you breathe in deeply and read away.

“Y/N, 

       I thought for a long time about what I would say to you in this letter, I’ve been sitting on it for three weeks trying to find the right things to say that would convince you to forgive me before I realized that they all sounded tacky and cliche when I read them back. So, i’ve decided to just go with the truth. It’s true that at first I wasn't honest with you, that I only approached you to complete a dare my friends had given me that day and I won’t make any excuses because I was such a huge asshole to you. I was just so hurt that day because of Ava and I wanted to make her feel like shit so bad, I wanted to hurt her like she had hurt me and I used you to do so, Y/N. But after I approached you and started spending time with you,I started thinking back to all the times I would look at you when the sun came in through the window in the English classroom before I had even spoken a word to you. I bet you didn’t know I did that, did you?” 

You didn’t, the you at that time would’ve freaked out if she knew though.

“I remember thinking you were so pretty, that you were untouchable to me so i just never tried. But something changed when i got to know you, i realized that you were the coolest person i’ve ever met, that you were real and that you were there with me whenever i needed someone. No one has ever made me feel so safe and comforted. I became selfish with you because I never wanted it to end. I didn’t want to tell you because i was scared you would hate me do you hate me? The night before valentines i went to your house because i planned on telling you everything the next day, i wanted to see your happy eyes just once more just in case i ruined everything. On Valentine’s day, when i got to school and read your letters. You wouldn’t believe how happy I was to read all the wonderful things you said about me. I was so happy that you held me as close to your heart as I held you to my own. I was going to tell you everything after that, i was going to confess and tell you that i couldn’t go another day with this secret. I was going to tell you how i felt but Ava stopped me, she told me she knew about the bet and then she kissed me and that's when you showed up. I’m so sorry you had to see that, I’m so that i used you like that. I’m sorry that I took advantage of you but I want you to know that I meant everything I told you, I loved spending time with you, and being with your family made me feel so special. I remember thinking we were split aparts and i know that sounds stupid but i really want you to know that i meant it. And every kiss we shared and every time I held you I felt it and I really really really mean it when i say that i loved you. I loved you so much that I didn't ever want to lose you.”

The past tense makes your chest tighten.

“I won’t tell you to forgive me, but your spot on the bleachers looks so empty without you. The pre finals are tomorrow and i would love it if you came, to cheer me on like you used to. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to but I wanted to give you something that would portray how serious I am about this. That if you are willing to come cheer me on with a part of me with you.”

This when you reach into the bag and pull out the item that once laid underneath your letter. The 22 of Chenle’s basketball jersey stares back at you, you gasp as you hold the fabric in your fingers. You had watched him run around the court with this very jersey plenty times before, you knew how much being number 22 meant to him. You were grateful he would trust you so important to him, you really wanted to grab his face and tell him that. Instead, you finish reading the letter. 

“You make me feel brave. And I will forever be sorry for what I did to you, but I mean it when I say I loved you I still love you. 

Please come.                                                         - Zhong Chenle.”

He loves you! Present tense. You could almost jump from joy. You want to see him, tell him you love him too. A million times if you can. You want to say that you forgive him for everything, that you have felt incomplete without him these past few weeks and the Chenle you made up in your mind was too perfect anyway. 

-

Chenle sighs for the upteenth time the next afternoon as he stretches along with his teammates. He tries his best to take his mind off of you for the time being, at least until after the game is over, he needed to focus but he found it very hard when he began to wonder what was going through your head when you read his letter, and if you were coming today.

He startles when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Hopeful, he turns. His hopefulness fades away when he sees Jisung standing before him. 

“Damn don’t look too sad to see me.” He jokes. Chenle shakes his head

“It’s not that…” Chenle explains, biting his lip nervously and subconsciously looks toward the bleakers where your empty seat was. Jisung gets the hint. 

“Chenle,” he says. “It's okay, she’ll come.” 

Chenle wants to ask him how he is so sure, that if he were you, he would hate himself too. Instead, he nods at him and readjusts the waistband of his shorts on his hips as the coach calls for the team to step out onto the court. 

People immediately start cheering for the players as they come into the view, girls go crazy in the stands and the members’ friends and families cheere enthusiastically from the side lines. The players smile and wave at their ‘fans’ doing a lap around the court to warm up and high five audience members. 

Chenle can only bring himself to smile half heartedly and wave weakly due to the fact that your spot on the bleachers still remains empty. 

He sighs out again, puffing his cheeks as the referee finally calls for the first round. That’s when his adrenaline starts pumping and he feels a bit better. 

The game goes on. 

-

Chenle’s jersey is only a bit big on you, almost fitting like something that would be your size, still, you try to pull it down over your hips in a nervous habit. You finally made it to the game, having fun late due to traffic. The spot you usually sit in is occupied by a woman holding a baby, so you decide to stay and watch from the sidelines, standing. 

The first time you see him, he is running across the court so fast he becomes a blur. You only know it’s him because of the head of blonde hair you see in the blurry image. He looks breathtaking as always, his hair being pushed away from his face by a sweat band being an addition to his look you wouldn’t mind seeing again. 

His sneakers squeak against the floor as he gets in position to shoot. You cross your fingers, but something is off. His eyebrows are furrowed in something that doesn’t look like concentration, but more like worry. His legs give him the impulse to jump up and soon enough his arms are shooting the ball towards the basket. You watch in disappointment as it hits against the rim and bounces back at him, he catches it with a frustrated click of his teeth. 

The audience has already begun whispering, having never seen the star player miss a shot. 

One of his teammates comes up to give him a fist bump of comfort, Chenle accepts it but still holds a troubled look on his face. The thought crosses your mind that it might  be because of you, it troubles the organ in your chest as much as it warms it. You notice he keeps glancing at a certain part of the bleachers, this is when you know he meant everything and that he surely is waiting for you. 

“Chenle!” You yell, trying to get his attention.

The boy doesn’t look your way, your voice getting lost in constant shouts and chatter from the people in the crowd. You try again, louder this time. Nothing. 

You groan frustratedly, the boy continues the game the best he can, but he’s out of it. You hate to see him like this, a deep hurt in your chest rising up. You cheer for him as loud as you can, deciding it would be better to wait until after the game to see him. 

As the game is coming to an end, Chenle appears to grow more and more tired and absent. Nevertheless, his team scores the winning point and the audience goes wild, including you. Chenle smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

 You can’t wait to hold him and tell him you forgive him for everything and that everything is going to be okay, and be with him for real this time. To have him be yours and be best friends against, go on nightly drives and have impromptu dance parties, to lay on his bed and count the plastic stars on his ceiling, to kiss him and be close to him. 

And for it to be real.

🏀

Chenle can’t help but feel dejected when your seat was never taken by you. He should’ve known this would happen, that is true but there was a fraction of him that thought you would read his letter and realize how sincere he was, he thought there was a part of you that knew it had been real and there was no way everything he said could've been made up. But he was wrong, and now as he packs his gym bag to go home, he faces the consequences of his high hopes. 

He’s mad, practically throwing his belongings in his bag, he almost throws his phone in the trash can next to him when he hears the ringtone go off. Chenle answers it with an irritated, “What?”

“Hey.” He recognizes your voice that same instant, still he pulls his phone back and makes sure its your caller ID before speaking again. 

“Y/N? Oh my god, hi!” He clears his throat  before repeating himself. “I mean, hi, hey.”

You hold back a laugh, noting his nervousness. “I’m sorry for calling so suddenly.” You decide to tease him, although, unbeknownst to him, you wear standing about 20 feet behind him after finally finding him in the now that the crowd of people has dispersed after the game. 

“No, don’t worry about it. I was actually…” Chenle flicks the zipper of his bag with his nervous fingers, “I was waiting to hear from you.” 

“Were you?” 

“Yeah, I wanted a chance to talk things out with you and uhh… i'm sorry if me asking you to come out to the game was too much or if it made you uncomfortable I didn’t-“

“Chenle.” Your voice cuts his rant short. You internally marvel at the fact that you aren’t the one caught in a nervous ramble for once. “It didn’t make me uncomfortable. I’m here.” 

“You’re here?” Someone clicks in his mind as he frantically looks around him in an effort to find you. When he does, his eyes turn soft and a smile takes over his face. “You came.” 

You nod at him, feeling a bit overwhelmed when you finally make eye contact with him. There are people between you too, Chenle begins to close it as he walks forward. “I did. I just wanted to tell you that I missed you.” 

“I missed you more, I swear on it.” He replies.

Your eyes burn, you wipe them and lighten the mood. “And that Curry would be sad to see you so out of it at a game.” You click your teeth jokingly. “What do you think he would say if he saw you like that cause of a girl?” 

He laughs, “I think he would understand, after I tell him how amazing you are.” 

You blush. “I also wanted to tell you that your jersey smells like you, and I like it.” This makes him beam, speeding up his footsteps that carry him to you. 

“Is that it?” He asks, jokingly. 

“And that I love you, Zhong Chenle. Not the Zhong Chenle that I had a crush on for 3 years and not Number 22 but you. The rawest versions of you. I love all of it and that i forgive you for everything.” He slows his pace in shock, his chest heaving. 

“You mean that?” His voice is wavering and you can see the flush on his cheeks from how close he has gotten. Suddenly, he is taking big steps until he is directly in front of you. He puts his phone down and his pretty eyes look directly into your own. 

Chenle’s face is hopeful, happy and lovestruck. He whispers: “You love me?”

You can only nod, overwhelmed. Chenle smiles wide, you can almost see his molars and his eyes disappear. “Say it.” He says, in a wondrous tone. 

“I love you, Zhong Chenle.” 

“Oh my god, yes!” 

And he’s kissing you, arms wrapping around you and pressing your body against his, his finger grip at the jersey on your body and he moves his lips against yours. Every memory that you have ever shared, every kiss, every touch, and every laughing fit come to your mind. It’s all you can think about as you think about this boy. You don’t think about the bad part, because that doesn’t matter anymore now that Chenle is yours and you are never letting go.

-

4 months later; Graduation 

“Chenle! Come on!” Jisung yells as he sees the boys floppy newly dyed orange hair amongst the crowd of people. 

You were all posed for a picture, blue cap and gowns adorning your bodies and your parents huddle you together for a picture. “I’m coming!”

Your boyfriend appears from the crowd with his cap in his hand along with a giant bouquet of flowers. He walks directly to you, extending it with a smile. “For you.” 

Your friends start squealing, playful hitting you and Chenle and your parents smirk at each other at the portrayal of young love before them. You cover your face with your hands to hide your blush. Chenle laughs and hugs you to his side. 

“Y/N! Chenle! Pose for the picture!” 

The two of you run to where your other friends are posing, haphazardly getting into the frame and posing crazily. 

The air is full of laughter and youth as the sun begins to set on your time in high school. For a moment, you’re too busy basking in the presence of the relationships you have developed while in there that you forget you won’t be seeing these people every day like you had been for so many years. Or that your lives might take completely different courses and things won’t be the same after this. Instead you allow yourself to enjoy this moment. 

🏀

You do think about it when you are on your way home though, in the passenger’s seat of Chenle’s car. His hand holds yours over the gear and he smiles to himself while humming along to the songs on the radio, unaware of the internal conflict going on in your head. 

It wasn’t until he parks outside your house that he realizes that something is wrong. 

“What is going to happen to us now?” Is your reply to his questioning. Chenle’s eyebrows furrow.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean-“ you collect your thoughts, “high school is over, and we’re going to go to college and we will be so busy and what if-“ 

“Whatever you think will happen, won’t happen.” 

You look at him, offended that he could dismiss your worries so easily. “You don’t un-“ 

“I do understand. You’re worried that now that we won’t see each other every day that we’re going to drift apart, right? And that we won’t be together, am I right?” 

You nod silently. 

“Y/N, how many times am I going to tell you that I’m crazy in love with you? I won’t let you slip out of my hands, baby. Not again.” Chenle says firmly, sincerely. His eyes widen so you can see right through him and know he is telling the truth. 

His pale hands come up to cup the sides of your face, making you face him. Your tear filled eyes meet his own. He brushes away your tear that rolls down your cheek. “I’m sorry, I was just overthinking.” You say.

“Don’t be sorry.” Chenle shakes his head, leaning forward to kiss your cheek lovingly, letting it linger for a few seconds before pulling back. Smiling upon seeing your smiling face. 

It happens in a flash, now that the moment was right. Chenle gasps, starling you. “What?! What’s wrong?!”

“I love this song!” And he’s turning it up all the way on the car radio, rolling down the windows and stepping out. “Come on, Y/N!” 

You don’t let him see the pure happiness on your face that you wanted to mask with annoyance. Chenle dances on the sidewalk crazily and you laugh in the passenger’s seat. You decide it was best to not let your boyfriend embarrass himself alone, wiping the excess of your tears and step out of the car. “M’lady has arrived to the dance party!” He exclaims. 

And as you start dancing wildly together, the sun begins to set causing a golden hue to fall over your features. Anyone watching the scene could either think that you’re crazy or they will see what is really there: split aparts that have finally found one another. 

Chenle thinks so too, he stops dancing for a bit to catch his breath and just watches you. He remembers the pain it took to make you his, how much you both cried and the beginning of the relationship was far from ideal. But there is no doubt in his mind that there are not enough glow in the dark ceiling stars in this world that will amount to the love he harbors for you in his chest. He was so happy that he had met his split apart, he couldn’t thank the universe enough. 

This when he reaches forward and spins you around to face him. His chest against your own, you feel the rumble of his words from his chest when he says: “I’m so glad I found you.” And then he is kissing you, and the ground seems to melt away from your feet. You’re floating hundreds of feet in air and forget to take a view of your neighborhood from up here because Chenle is all you can think about. Because he makes you feel this way. You whisper in between kisses, he smiles knowingly, he feels it too. 

“We. 

Are.

Off.

Our.

Feet.”