#im always lonely
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not a real hc i have abt the watchers its just that the sentence "the watchers top surgeried grian" is so so funny to me.
I was gonna apologize for the accidental horror but I did remember that this is the story where they beat each other to death so like
#desert duo#craftie art#implied torture#anyways HELLO trafficblr i promise im normal.#normally my goofs and bits include ABSOLUTELY NO vivisection#grian#goodtimeswithscar#bo's lpcu (lonely people cinematic universe)#the saturation came out so weird on mobile tbh . like i always do a peachy airbrush on characters so their skin doesnt look too flat but :/#its ormally not very visible on my pc#i need to calibrate my pc screen i think
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one of the things that's the most fucking frustrating for me about arguing with climate change deniers is the sheer fucking scope of how much it matters. sweating in my father's car, thinking about how it's the "hottest summer so far," every summer. and there's this deep, roiling rage that comes over me, every time.
the stakes are wrong, is the thing. that's part of what makes it not an actual debate: the other side isn't coming to the table with anything to fucking lose.
like okay. i am obviously pro gun control. but there is a basic human part of me that can understand and empathize with someone who says, "i'm worried that would lead to the law-abiding citizens being punished while criminals now essentially have a superpower." i don't agree, but i can tell the stakes for them are also very high.
but let's say the science is wrong and i'm wrong and the visible reality is wrong and every climate disaster refugee is wrong. let's say you're right, humans aren't causing it or it's not happening or whatever else. let's just say that, for fun.
so we spend hundreds of millions of dollars making the earth cleaner, and then it turns out we didn't need to do that. oops! we cleaned the earth. our children grow up with skies full of more butterflies and bees. lawns are taken over with rich local biodiversity. we don't cry over our electric bills anymore. and, if you're staunchly capitalist and i need to speak ROI with you - we've created so many jobs in developing sectors and we have exciting new investment opportunities.
i am reminded of kodak, and how they did not make "the switch" to digital photography; how within 20 years kodak was no longer a household brand. do we, as a nation, feel comfortable watching as the world makes "the switch" while we ride the laurels of oil? this boggles me. i have heard so much propaganda about how america cannot "fall behind" other countries, but in this crucial sector - the one that could actually influence our own monopolies - suddenly we turn the other cheek. but maybe you're right! maybe it will collapse like just another silicone valley dream. but isn't that the crux of capitalism? that some economies will peter out eventually?
but let's say you're right, and i'm wrong, and we stopped fracking for no good reason. that they re-seed quarries. that we tear down unused corporate-owned buildings or at least repurpose them for communities. that we make an effort, and that effort doesn't really help. what happens then? what are the stakes. what have we lost, and what have we gained?
sometimes we take our cars through a car wash and then later, it rains. "oh," we laugh to ourselves. we gripe about it over coffee with our coworkers. what a shame! but we are also aware: the car is cleaner. is that what you are worried about? that you'll make the effort but things will resolve naturally? that it will just be "a waste"?
and what i'm right. what if we're already seeing people lose their houses and their lives. what if it is happening everywhere, not just in coastal towns or equatorial countries you don't care about. what if i'm right and you're wrong but you're yelling and rich and powerful. so we ignore all of the bellwethers and all of the indicators and all of the sirens. what if we say - well, if it happens, it's fate.
nevermind. you wouldn't even wear a mask, anyway. i know what happens when you see disaster. you think the disaster will flinch if you just shout louder. that you can toss enough lives into the storm for the storm to recognize your sacrifice and balk. you argue because it feels good to stand up against "the liberals" even when the situation should not be political. you are busy crying for jesus with a bullhorn while i am trying to usher people into a shelter. you've already locked the doors, even on the church.
the stakes are skewed. you think this is some intellectual "debate" to win, some funny banter. you fuel up your huge unmuddied truck and say suck it to every citizen of that shitbird state california. serves them right for voting blue!
and the rest of us are terrified of the entire fucking environment collapsing.
#spilled ink#writeblr#i hope it is clear here that i actually very much care about equatorial countries#and that's part of what makes me so angry bc im like. climate refugees exist.#they've existed for a while!!!#and the reply is almost always ''should have thought about that before living on an island"#like fuck dude. do you need to like how people vote before ur like#your entire house shouldn't burn down each summer????#so many of these people make it their life to mock california that they think it's FUNNY#and im like. girl you should be fucking trembling. TEXAS??? ARE YOU LISTENING??#this is one of those times that like. i need to stress how fucking stupid it would be#to let trump win. bc he could have “reached across the aisle.” covid could have been#a MASSIVE commercial success. he has such a huge and bigoted and brainwashed following.#literally just a PR campaign called COWBOY UP and it's pictures of cowboys in bandanas#trump reinvisioned as the lone ranger fighting for the american people against covid. EASY SELL#and instead. companies bought him. it became political. it was not ''oh shit this is 1 enemy let's all be human''#it was ''you deserve to die.''#climate change should be GLOBAL. it should be like ''yeah i hate u but. we do all live here''#i don't have to LIKE my group members to do well on a team project bc we are ALL getting graded.#is that simple enough of an under-explaination lol
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Orv doodle comic time
#my comics r always doodles cus im lazy sorry ;v;#gonna actually talk about some of my thought process for this one#there's always a frame between kdj and yjh#even in page 5#kdj is outside and yjh is inside the box#oh and sparkles and dramatic wind for yjh when kdj reached him lol#sth sth his back looks lonely#anyways imma go sleep now#mywork#art#orv#kdj#omniscient reader's viewpoint#kim dokja#yjh
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a dull 25th (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#ruporas art#late christms comic doomed to always be late for christmas...#i like to think of vw having good and fun christmas maybe after being together for awhile#but im always thinking of how lonely and miserable most holidays might be for them. i think specifically in wolfwoods case#since he had some more years to enjoy them with family as opposed to vash who had it cut short very early#anyway… why modern au jin…. Well. i wanted to draw them in comfy clothes
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well today would be my three year anniversary with my ex
#and literally everything else is on my mind#like my dead uncle and his house fullof stuff me and my aunts have to empty etc etc#but i do wanna take a moment to think about this#(not that anyone cares but ive been using this as a fucking diary for a week now so)#even tho i broke things off and never really regretted it#i did used to think like 'i wonder what my ex would do/say/think' every time something happened in my life#like i would imagine this alternative scenario where we're still together and make up scenes in my head#sometimes the fake scene was nice and other times it wasn't#i havent done this in a while now#but with all this stuff with my uncle i sort of fell there again#some of my closest friends have been checking up on me and i love them for it but i still feel sort of alone i guess#im always lonely#the only person i ever felt i could rely on ws my ex and after we broke up she said she felt i didnt trust her with my feelings which like#girl you were the only one#and i know that if we were still together she would have come with me to the funeral and held my hand through it#but she didnt (ofc she didn't)#and maybe this whole thing means i miss her#or it means i want somebody there with me?#as far as i know shes happy now#which genuinely makes me really happy too#even tho i think she sort of hates me#thats okay i wanted her to#i thought hating me would make her hurt less after what i broke things off#and even tho i still think of her and make this scenarios i dont think i miss or regret anything#it more about the fact that we once had something good and i like remembering that#i do miss her friendship#ill always miss that#shes happy now#and i sort of am too in some ways i guess#im happy in my grief
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Second-guessing
#been overthinking all day today and needed to draw how it feels lately#a bit of a vent ahead#it’s gotten really lonely and almost alienating in a way#and the fandom seems so vastly different#and in a way I dont really feel ok in#i do take the steps to avoid anything that i don’t want to see#but it just feels like what i do is pointless#like what i draw is pointless#i know the more platonic/familial themes in my art will always be overshadowed#but its been a harsh truth ive been hit with#and it’s kind of heartbreaking#i’m forever grateful for the reminders of how my art is like a breath of fresh air#but man is it difficult to not just quit entirely#because it always falls back to: why am I doing this? what’s the point?#i’m sorry I feel like such a whiny loser when I talk about things like this#it’s all jumbled and all over the place but to put it simply it’s been super lonely#i just needed to say something before it completely boiled over#im sorry again
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is it to much to ask to feel loved. ive been so lonely today.
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reposting old art- uh, memes of Rin (circa 2017s?)
THE FACT THAT HE HASNT CHANGED MUCH IN HIS BEHAVIOR SKDKJWHEK
his ZERO luck in courting (or even befriending people) is persistent until today i love my rizzless son so much
#oc: rindhil#me putting up his old art feels equivalent to exposing his baby pictures#though jokes aside im glad his concept is well-cooked enough that hes persistent til years later#i love him sm#him being in lonely in veilguard? turns out he always was the WEIRD ONE
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what are your thoughts on Harumi x Kuai Liang (I need to see them in your art style)
To be completely honest with you, I’m still neutral to them- but he looked pretty happy in the recent trailers!
#kuairumi#kuai liang#harumi shirai#mortal kombat 1#I kinda always saw Kuai Liang as a lone uncle kinda character#so I think I need to get used to him being a different guy in this timeline#look if they can write him and harumi good.. then no problem I may start enjoying them#but for now it’s more like ‘oooh two pretty people they look nice together’#which isn’t a bad thing necessarily but it makes it hard for me to make art when I don’t have enough info on them as people/individuals#IM RAMBLING AGAIN#SORRY BYE#doodle#my art
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Zenos gets to have the terrible realization that he is the only prince with the patience to put up with him anymore.
#ffxiv#sketch#emet selch#solus zos galvus#zenos yae galvus#meanwhile emet gets to mull over all the bullshit that happened between 1.0 to arr#i also get to draw buff arr zenos around old solus for once AND i get to curse myself#because the way I draw old solus will be forever tainted by the sheer amount of time I also have in Hades#i cant help myself im sorry#just another little concept of zenos being well aware of the emperors health even though he notoriously barely remembers things#probably cause hes that one character that is terrifyingly observant purely out of how fuckin bored he always is#(and I also write him caring about his grandpa and being devastated by his death for... several reasons honestly but still)#its hard not to notice looking into his character how varis made zenos' life miserable right after he becomes emperor#i got to draw cute chibis in exchange for being a little sad at the concept#that zenos would worry about- as he continues to ail- his grandfather getting more and more lonely on his deathbed#also from noting that the brief periods he's pulled from his anhedonia is when he's helping other people
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#i just realized i think part of why ive felt so extra isolated lately is because i dont have any in person autistic friends#or even acquaintances#and im just. im masking all the time#so ive been drowning it out by reading on my phone (including at work between tasks)#but god. im so fucking tired of feeling alienated from my coworkers and not understanding why they all seem to click together and I don't#even the guy who started way after me and has been gone for a month!! even he gets more casual conversation than me#and i just dont understand why. im trying so hard every day and its not working#and before anyone tells me to stop trying and just “be myself” or some shit. unless youre autistic i dont want to hear it#you dont know what its like!!! unless it's with other autistic people being myself Always makes things worse socially#im just. im tired and im lonely and i miss my old friends
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Aroace culture is finding out as an adult that sex and romance is not just an over exaggerated concept but a very real thing people like/do 😵💫
#no hate to allos!#but im ngl i always thought you just talked and sang about it#not actually DO it lol#love ya'll tho 🫶🏻#aroace#aromantic#aromantic culture#asexual#asexuality#asexual culture#lgbtq#lgtbqia+#lgbtqia#queer#my lonely thoughts
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i’ve always wondered what worst logan thinks of main logan. is he jealous at all of how revered he was? i mean what do you even think of the guy that’s considered the “best version” of you when you’re seen as the worst.
#no one could possibly be okay after hearing that they’re the worst in all of the multiverse#i mean that fc kn hurts#theres a part of me thats like god im so proud of my og baby main foxverse logan being so loved#literally the TVA watch LOGAN 2017 in tears#they respect that man so much#but but also my number one boy WORSTIE LOGAN#aka best logan (in my heart and wades)#i just im so attached to him specifically#because hes just so sad and lonely and god#he doesnt think he deserves love#but but he very much does because HES A GOOD MAN#despite everything he fought sooooo hard to prove to himself and everyone else that he could be the man that charles always thought he was#dude literally cares so much. he was willing to die just to help this guy he met about three days ago#idk im just saying stuff#anyway hes sweet and he loves hard#and hes made mistakes yes bad mistakes but hes trying his hardest to make up for those#logan howlett#james logan howlett#worst wolverine#james howlett#wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool 3#hugh jackman#poolverine
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i need some of your parrot art very sad. like, make him very very sad, as sad as you can make it. horribly sad. depressingly tragic sadness.
oops. sorry, i think i traumatized your bird.
#why are you guys like this????#i keep getting reqs like this#my inbox is filled with crackships and angst why is this my life right now#anyway parrot's blank stare at the spyglass still gets me#every time i think back to it it just makes me physically feel the devastation he probably felt#and then the complete silence on his part when spoke revealed there was no secret#no words. he just stares at the spyglass that became a symbol of his and wifies friendship and the trust between them#that parrot ended up giving up on for nothing.#the realization of how attached he got and how used he's grown to wifies being with him#he probably feels incredibly lonely when wifies is not around now#considering how hesitant he always is to separate with him#you think it reminds him of the time wifies was chunkbanned? it's like a guilt thing#and then there's the trauma of seeing one of his friends actually die in front of him#that probably messed him up a little bit#parrot has a very obvious protector complex#okay im done yapping here#and i only went over what happened in canon and didnt start making shit up#i just love parrot a lot#and i love angst#parrotx2#☆ request .#☆ my art .
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sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#not really for the attention thing but more for .. work being recognized?#im not sure#to feel more like people actually stop and look at sth instead of skipping over it?#maybe its jsut an internet phenomena(?)#like the way everything is just consumed within seconds and never lasts long and if you miss the trend you are irrelevant#the sort of weird pressure to have to subvert expectations or be exceptionally exceptional just to be recognized ?#(which i know isnt always a good thing lol)#also this isnt a complaint per se more like a thought#like i sometimes wish i was into the popular characters instead of the niche ones etc#that kind of thing#also like i wish i could make art that really speaks to people .. like those that are just so .. interesting and strange and poetic#bc (while i know fanart and silly oc projects arent worhtless) those feel more worthwhile? more worth really being called art?#for soemthing to be truly art it should be either exceptionally skilled or profound like the greatest poets?#im just doing whatever my brain allows me to do- which i know is fine#but i also dont think its inherently wrong to wish for being more than that sometimes#(... maybe its mostly just loneliness without knowing how to find friends)#(especially where i am and especially as i just want a friend to live with - not a partner... i dont want to be this alone forever ...)#(actually ....... what if all my art self consciousness comes from wanting to feel less lonely .. oh dear- no time to unpack that omg)
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I think I'm in the "conscious incompetence" stage of being a social animal in the real world and it sucks so majorly. bro what do you do after you realize you're bad at socializing and then in-person interaction gets harder because you know you're failing at it now.
#Robin processes emotions on main#I WANT to get good at socializing#I used to be better and I'm now worse >:[#in some ways. in some ways I've improved (e.g. am kinder). but I used to have more confidence and an easier time staying present#now I'm always shutting down and running away#literally I leave the room and go calm down in my room#I want to learn to regulate that impulse and become a chill person to hang out with. but How#I've been struggling lately with punishing myself for running away (not physically but with like. spirals of self-recrimination)#I think one good step would be to get mindful about praising myself for small steps again. I'll change faster if im kinder to myself#also I think seeking reassurance from the people I'm around more often even if it seems silly would be good#ALSO. a major problem I'm facing is that I am living with my parents. and my little sisters. and I don't... I... it's rough.#I used to parent my 15 (then 9) y/o little sister when my parents were gone and I still struggle with feeling Responsible For Her#so every time she's a little cringe I end up feeling like it's my fault and I'm gonna be punished for it and I don't know how to deal with#��how to deal with it#BIG SIGH#I'm TRYING to become a good adult who can help others rather than just living in desperate self-defensive survival mode forever#but it's so hard bro#and another issue is that I'm growing further and further apart from my parents' fundamentalist brand of Christianity#and feeling more and more incapable of making friends and bringing them to visit me. because I have to be perfect around my parents#how can I make friends if I can't offer them hospitality??#how can I be a fully realized adult if I have to hide in plain sight??#I need to move out so bad. even if I'm lonely at first I HAVE to move out#in related news my seasonal job is Over and I'm looking for full-time work! please pray for me if you're the praying type or just#send me encouraging words#that would help#<33333 I will be ok it's just a bad situation rn
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