#im always lonely
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bowenoke · 2 years ago
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not a real hc i have abt the watchers its just that the sentence "the watchers top surgeried grian" is so so funny to me.
I was gonna apologize for the accidental horror but I did remember that this is the story where they beat each other to death so like
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inkskinned · 8 months ago
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one of the things that's the most fucking frustrating for me about arguing with climate change deniers is the sheer fucking scope of how much it matters. sweating in my father's car, thinking about how it's the "hottest summer so far," every summer. and there's this deep, roiling rage that comes over me, every time.
the stakes are wrong, is the thing. that's part of what makes it not an actual debate: the other side isn't coming to the table with anything to fucking lose.
like okay. i am obviously pro gun control. but there is a basic human part of me that can understand and empathize with someone who says, "i'm worried that would lead to the law-abiding citizens being punished while criminals now essentially have a superpower." i don't agree, but i can tell the stakes for them are also very high.
but let's say the science is wrong and i'm wrong and the visible reality is wrong and every climate disaster refugee is wrong. let's say you're right, humans aren't causing it or it's not happening or whatever else. let's just say that, for fun.
so we spend hundreds of millions of dollars making the earth cleaner, and then it turns out we didn't need to do that. oops! we cleaned the earth. our children grow up with skies full of more butterflies and bees. lawns are taken over with rich local biodiversity. we don't cry over our electric bills anymore. and, if you're staunchly capitalist and i need to speak ROI with you - we've created so many jobs in developing sectors and we have exciting new investment opportunities.
i am reminded of kodak, and how they did not make "the switch" to digital photography; how within 20 years kodak was no longer a household brand. do we, as a nation, feel comfortable watching as the world makes "the switch" while we ride the laurels of oil? this boggles me. i have heard so much propaganda about how america cannot "fall behind" other countries, but in this crucial sector - the one that could actually influence our own monopolies - suddenly we turn the other cheek. but maybe you're right! maybe it will collapse like just another silicone valley dream. but isn't that the crux of capitalism? that some economies will peter out eventually?
but let's say you're right, and i'm wrong, and we stopped fracking for no good reason. that they re-seed quarries. that we tear down unused corporate-owned buildings or at least repurpose them for communities. that we make an effort, and that effort doesn't really help. what happens then? what are the stakes. what have we lost, and what have we gained?
sometimes we take our cars through a car wash and then later, it rains. "oh," we laugh to ourselves. we gripe about it over coffee with our coworkers. what a shame! but we are also aware: the car is cleaner. is that what you are worried about? that you'll make the effort but things will resolve naturally? that it will just be "a waste"?
and what i'm right. what if we're already seeing people lose their houses and their lives. what if it is happening everywhere, not just in coastal towns or equatorial countries you don't care about. what if i'm right and you're wrong but you're yelling and rich and powerful. so we ignore all of the bellwethers and all of the indicators and all of the sirens. what if we say - well, if it happens, it's fate.
nevermind. you wouldn't even wear a mask, anyway. i know what happens when you see disaster. you think the disaster will flinch if you just shout louder. that you can toss enough lives into the storm for the storm to recognize your sacrifice and balk. you argue because it feels good to stand up against "the liberals" even when the situation should not be political. you are busy crying for jesus with a bullhorn while i am trying to usher people into a shelter. you've already locked the doors, even on the church.
the stakes are skewed. you think this is some intellectual "debate" to win, some funny banter. you fuel up your huge unmuddied truck and say suck it to every citizen of that shitbird state california. serves them right for voting blue!
and the rest of us are terrified of the entire fucking environment collapsing.
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wildrbst · 7 months ago
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Orv doodle comic time
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ruporas · 1 month ago
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a dull 25th (id in alt)
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endlesslycoffee · 2 years ago
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well today would be my three year anniversary with my ex
#and literally everything else is on my mind#like my dead uncle and his house fullof stuff me and my aunts have to empty etc etc#but i do wanna take a moment to think about this#(not that anyone cares but ive been using this as a fucking diary for a week now so)#even tho i broke things off and never really regretted it#i did used to think like 'i wonder what my ex would do/say/think' every time something happened in my life#like i would imagine this alternative scenario where we're still together and make up scenes in my head#sometimes the fake scene was nice and other times it wasn't#i havent done this in a while now#but with all this stuff with my uncle i sort of fell there again#some of my closest friends have been checking up on me and i love them for it but i still feel sort of alone i guess#im always lonely#the only person i ever felt i could rely on ws my ex and after we broke up she said she felt i didnt trust her with my feelings which like#girl you were the only one#and i know that if we were still together she would have come with me to the funeral and held my hand through it#but she didnt (ofc she didn't)#and maybe this whole thing means i miss her#or it means i want somebody there with me?#as far as i know shes happy now#which genuinely makes me really happy too#even tho i think she sort of hates me#thats okay i wanted her to#i thought hating me would make her hurt less after what i broke things off#and even tho i still think of her and make this scenarios i dont think i miss or regret anything#it more about the fact that we once had something good and i like remembering that#i do miss her friendship#ill always miss that#shes happy now#and i sort of am too in some ways i guess#im happy in my grief
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artsymeeshee · 17 days ago
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Second-guessing
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greattideflow · 2 years ago
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is it to much to ask to feel loved. ive been so lonely today.
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necromosss · 15 days ago
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reposting old art- uh, memes of Rin (circa 2017s?)
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THE FACT THAT HE HASNT CHANGED MUCH IN HIS BEHAVIOR SKDKJWHEK
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his ZERO luck in courting (or even befriending people) is persistent until today i love my rizzless son so much
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suja-janee · 5 months ago
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what are your thoughts on Harumi x Kuai Liang (I need to see them in your art style)
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To be completely honest with you, I’m still neutral to them- but he looked pretty happy in the recent trailers!
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fatedroses · 26 days ago
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Zenos gets to have the terrible realization that he is the only prince with the patience to put up with him anymore.
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bittsandpieces · 6 days ago
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my-lonely-thoughts · 10 months ago
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Aroace culture is finding out as an adult that sex and romance is not just an over exaggerated concept but a very real thing people like/do 😵‍💫
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kendyroy · 4 months ago
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i’ve always wondered what worst logan thinks of main logan. is he jealous at all of how revered he was? i mean what do you even think of the guy that’s considered the “best version” of you when you’re seen as the worst.
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mellohiizz · 4 months ago
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i need some of your parrot art very sad. like, make him very very sad, as sad as you can make it. horribly sad. depressingly tragic sadness.
oops. sorry, i think i traumatized your bird.
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ganondoodle · 4 months ago
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sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#not really for the attention thing but more for .. work being recognized?#im not sure#to feel more like people actually stop and look at sth instead of skipping over it?#maybe its jsut an internet phenomena(?)#like the way everything is just consumed within seconds and never lasts long and if you miss the trend you are irrelevant#the sort of weird pressure to have to subvert expectations or be exceptionally exceptional just to be recognized ?#(which i know isnt always a good thing lol)#also this isnt a complaint per se more like a thought#like i sometimes wish i was into the popular characters instead of the niche ones etc#that kind of thing#also like i wish i could make art that really speaks to people .. like those that are just so .. interesting and strange and poetic#bc (while i know fanart and silly oc projects arent worhtless) those feel more worthwhile? more worth really being called art?#for soemthing to be truly art it should be either exceptionally skilled or profound like the greatest poets?#im just doing whatever my brain allows me to do- which i know is fine#but i also dont think its inherently wrong to wish for being more than that sometimes#(... maybe its mostly just loneliness without knowing how to find friends)#(especially where i am and especially as i just want a friend to live with - not a partner... i dont want to be this alone forever ...)#(actually ....... what if all my art self consciousness comes from wanting to feel less lonely .. oh dear- no time to unpack that omg)
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brown-little-robin · 28 days ago
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I think I'm in the "conscious incompetence" stage of being a social animal in the real world and it sucks so majorly. bro what do you do after you realize you're bad at socializing and then in-person interaction gets harder because you know you're failing at it now.
#Robin processes emotions on main#I WANT to get good at socializing#I used to be better and I'm now worse >:[#in some ways. in some ways I've improved (e.g. am kinder). but I used to have more confidence and an easier time staying present#now I'm always shutting down and running away#literally I leave the room and go calm down in my room#I want to learn to regulate that impulse and become a chill person to hang out with. but How#I've been struggling lately with punishing myself for running away (not physically but with like. spirals of self-recrimination)#I think one good step would be to get mindful about praising myself for small steps again. I'll change faster if im kinder to myself#also I think seeking reassurance from the people I'm around more often even if it seems silly would be good#ALSO. a major problem I'm facing is that I am living with my parents. and my little sisters. and I don't... I... it's rough.#I used to parent my 15 (then 9) y/o little sister when my parents were gone and I still struggle with feeling Responsible For Her#so every time she's a little cringe I end up feeling like it's my fault and I'm gonna be punished for it and I don't know how to deal with#��how to deal with it#BIG SIGH#I'm TRYING to become a good adult who can help others rather than just living in desperate self-defensive survival mode forever#but it's so hard bro#and another issue is that I'm growing further and further apart from my parents' fundamentalist brand of Christianity#and feeling more and more incapable of making friends and bringing them to visit me. because I have to be perfect around my parents#how can I make friends if I can't offer them hospitality??#how can I be a fully realized adult if I have to hide in plain sight??#I need to move out so bad. even if I'm lonely at first I HAVE to move out#in related news my seasonal job is Over and I'm looking for full-time work! please pray for me if you're the praying type or just#send me encouraging words#that would help#<33333 I will be ok it's just a bad situation rn
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