#im also probably really dehydrated but i dont have things to drink

[caffeinatedopossum]

I'm so tired hngg

[l0v3lyx]

| 𝒯𝒽𝑒 "𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹"

| 𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: 𝒷𝒶𝒹 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝓁𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒷𝑒𝑔𝒾𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝒶𝓃𝒻𝒾𝒸

| 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒷𝑒𝑔𝒾𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝓂𝓊𝓉 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎, 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑜𝓇𝓈 𝒹𝓃𝒾 !!

| ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

| 𝒩𝑜𝓉𝑒𝓈: 𝒮𝑒𝓍𝓊𝒶𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓈, 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓈,

| 𝓈𝓊𝑔𝑔𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈, 𝒶𝓁𝒸𝑜𝒽𝑜𝓁 𝓊𝓈𝑒,

| 𝒟𝑜𝓂!𝐿𝓊𝒸𝒾𝒻𝑒𝓇 𝓍 𝓈𝓊𝒷!𝒻𝑒𝓂!𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝒫𝒪𝒱.

LINKS: Chapter one -> Chapter two -> Chapter three -> Chapter four

𝐸𝒩𝒥𝒪𝒴!

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

You wake up in lucifer's bed at the hotel, him still asleep next to you, both of you still undressed. You could tell he was very tired from last night from how loudly he snored. You finally managed to get up without waking him to get your clothes on and go down for breakfast. As you went downstairs you saw angel dust on the couch again watching tv before alastor got up. "soooo~ how'd it gooo~?" "What? What do you mean?" "Umm, you said you would do what we talked about yesterday- what happened after that?? I need the juicy story im bored" "Well-" you then remembered how lucifer didnt want others to know about their little secret... "he just said he liked me back and we kissed- thats it-" "Huh- guess i mistook him for being more of the dominant type- eh its ok it mustve been sweet though, i think you guys would be cute together" "Oh- haha- yeah- well, i better go get some coffee- see you later angel!" "ok!" you rush to the kitchen to get some coffee, you were still tired from last night, and you were aching all over from it being your first time. When the kitchen doors shut behind you, you see lucifer standing there with your coffee ready for you. "Here, i made this for you. Sorry about last night- I- I wasn't thinking clearly I just-" you went up and kissed him on the cheek, forgiving him in a way. "Its alright- thanks for making me this, its my favorite." his cheeks turned red. "Um, anyways- I have a meeting with the other sins at noon, I need you to come with me but just sort of desguised as a servant or something." "Ok, what should I wear though? I dont know much about hell's fashion-" "Well, maybe something short- usually women with longer dresses shows how high their ranking is in hell, and thats very few of them. So just a short dress or a skirt and a shirt, not too short though-" "ok, I can probably ask someone else at the hotel for one."

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"Hey, since you're taking a while to change, ill just go already. Meet me there when youre ready. Just teleport to me." "Ok!!" As you hear him leave, you slip on the dress angel dust gave you, it didn't look that short... as you looked at yourself in the mirror you saw how the dress was tight, and it was snug on your curves. It really brought out the shape of your body. You thought it was a little short, but you didnt really care, most women looked like that in hell anyways.

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You were finally able to teleport to where lucifer was, it was the outside of a room. You were in an echoey hallway with marble flooring and white walls, there were also alot of plants around. As you nervously opened the door, everyone continued with the meeting and you went to go stand next to lucifer since there wasnt an extra seat to pull up. "Hey y/n, could you please get me something to drink? This meeting has been going so long its making me dehydrated." Somehow he could sense your presence behind him without looking at you, he didnt even notice you enter the room. You went to go get him a cup of water from a table in the corner that was sort of a station for water, coffee, and tea. You pressed down the tab and the water spilled into the cup. Slowly you walked back to the table, bent down (sort of) and placed his water down infront of him. The only thing that had necessarily caught his attention was at how short your dress was, so when you bent over it was somewhat revealing. He was bright red, until he focused back on the meeting so nobody would notice.

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After the seemingly long meeting, everyone had left, except for you and lucifer. "Hey, uh, thanks for coming with me, I uhm- i appreciate you waiting for me." You saw how he blushed, you couldnt really figure out why he was though. "Luci, is something wrong?" "No- everything is fine- I need to go to the washroom be right back-" he stormed out. You always wondered what he did in there, he was probably on his phone or something... Later you both left the building, lucifer fixated on you and your short dress as you both walked along the sidewalk. "Luci are you staring because my dress is short?" He blushed, but he also grinned a bit and said "So what if I was?" You blushed, you knew what got him going, and you decided to tease him again, just to see how far he could go this time. you lifted up your dress by a hair, revealing some of your ass. Lucifer blushed more, he dug his claws into his cane slowly, practically resisting the urge to fuck you right here. "Why can't you just wait until we get back to the hotel?" you grinned "because you dont look like you want to wait~" "Well, in fact, i can (lies). Today we will be going back to the castle, we just need to go back to the hotel to say goodbye to everyone, except for alastor." it was very obvious how much lucifer hated alastor, then you got an idea to sort of mess with him. As you arrived at the hotel you started to wave everyone goodbye, and then hugged alastor... Lucifer stared angrily as he waited for you both to leave. "Actually lets just teleport home..." he grabbed you by your waist quickly as you both travelled to the castle. "I thought I told you not to go near him again." "so what if i did?" you grinned. There was a chain then that had manifested into his hands and around your neck, he tugged it a bit to pull you in closer. He grabbed your face as he turned into his demon form. "Oh? so were being naughty now? you should know by now that subjects get punished if they disrespect the king." he pulled at the chain again, bringing you even closer to him. "Well, i guess im going to have to do that to you now, and im gonna enjoy every last second~" *oh shit-* he carried you to the bedroom, and pushed you into the bed as he hovered over you. The chain withered away and he started undressing. "L-Luci-" he ignored it. He came closer to you, and pushed your panties to the side. "ha, already wet, just for me~" "L-luci please-" "get ready princess, tonight is going to be a long night~"

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It was almost midnight now, you both had been keeping this up for almost 3 hours now. You were practically dick drunk and you could barely see straight, you had almost forgotten how demons have an absolutely insane amount of energy until the 10th round reminded you of that quickly. "Had e-enough yet?" you managed to mumble. It had been 27 rounds now, you were impressed but also tired, since you were in your normal form still. "No, I think i'll keep going until it gets into your head." He had an ear-to-ear grin that sent chills down your spine but still made you blush some. "Please l-luci I can't-" "I am just testing to see how far I can go with you~ and you're fine so far so i think you can handle one more round darling~" "L-L-Luci~" you said out of breath. "please luci I think i've had enough~" you moan slightly as he starts again, you could barely feel it anymore since you were already so numb. "I-I cant f-feel an-anything~" he pulled your hair some and sped up with his pace. "I could do much more than make you numb, darling~" you blushed more at his comment. You wondered why he was going so much it was like he was deliberately pushing your limits- "L-luci why do we need t-to do t-this m-more? I-isnt a f-few r-rounds e-enough?~" you let out a louder moan this time, able to feel again as he rammed his cock deep inside you repeatedly. "I figured you would've had a full demon form by now, so I wanted to see if I could somehow make you transform, since most people cannot do it on command the first time." you were surprised at how calm he was during all of this, and he wasn't rough just like you asked the first night. "Oh shit, im about to cu-" "Just shut up and do it i dont care if you forgot a condom i just want to sleep after this" he blushed and grinned "heh, ok then~" you then let out a final moan "L-Luci~" You were tired and fell right asleep on top of him, he fell asleep not long after, as you two cuddled the rest of the night neither of you were prepared for what entails the next morning...

===========================================

When you and lucifer wake up you hear a fist pounding on your door. You both quickly rush to get up and get your clothes on and lucifer quickly transforms back into his normal form. "Stay back here and change your clothes or something ill go check the door." he rushes to the door to see who was there. When he opened the door he was surprised to see Charlie, who looked visibly angry. "Whats wrong char-char?" he asked nervously. "Whats wrong is you forgot to come to my meeting last night with the angels! You promised you would be there at 9!" "OH- SHIT- UHM- RIGHT! WELL YOU SEE UH- I GOT CAUGHT UP WITH WORK, AND I FELL ASLEEP..." "Youre lying." "Charlie no im not, please, i cant handle those angels right now, i need to finish up something important-" "and what would that be?" in the corner of her eye she manages to see you through the door, peeking around the corner to find something new to wear. "Just, stuff!" "Mhm, right- and does that stuff include your best friend over there?" *oh shit she saw you* you quickly run back into the room and slam the door. "Thats the door to your bedroom why was she in there?" "She was helping with work i swear-" "ok then- why was she naked?" "pfft- youre just seeing things charlie-" she looks at him and says in her demonic voice "Explain now." "Listen- charlie- it was just one night- ok? I don't know what came over me-" "I knew it! you're replacing mom!" "Thats not what this is at all! I divorced her! Its not like im cheating on her!" "Ugh! I cannot believe you dad!" she stormed away from the palace and went back to the hotel. "Well, that went swimmingly..." he said sarcastically and flopped on the couch in the living room and ran his fingers through his messy hair. You came out with a robe on this time, "Did I ruin the secret-?" "No, just as long as charlie doesnt tell anyone else we're perfectly fine." "Ok-" "Speaking of fine~" He grabbed you by the waist and sat you down on his lap "Im feeling like one more round~ What do you think?~" he started biting your neck softly. "Why?~" "Reasons~" he untied your robe and took it off of you, he admired at how stunning you were. As you started to unbutton his shirt he started to turn into his demon form- *ok- please dont say this is also going to last 3 hours-* You were both now fully undressed, you still sitting on his lap... he set you slowly on top of his throbbing cock as you started off slowly. "-Fuck!-L-Luci~" you moaned loudly. "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck im gonna cum~" you groaned. "Already?~" Lucifer grinned and kept you going, his plan was working, you could feel your wings coming back, and some other additional features too- you could feel horns and a tail now, you still had your halo and wings though. Your colors also changed. Your skin now resembled lucifers, black hands and feet fading into white skin. And your tail and horns just like his, bright red, except your wings were as white as snow now, same with your halo. Your face had the red cheek markings now too, with red sclera white iris and a black pupil. you were beautiful. "W-wow- you look stunning- ah~ shit~" he groaned. "gonnacumgonnacumgonnacumgonnacummm~ Fuck!~" you both stopped, you digging your black claws into his back. It made him feel good, just how you did just now.

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He admired your wings, horns, and tail. "Were you a seraph or something? Your wings are very white, and your horns and tail have blue accents instead of red... maybe because you havent fully adapted to hell yet, like i have, having red accents and yellow eyes." "Oh, uhm, no, i wasnt. I was a uhhhhhhh-" he looked at you waiting for your response. "You were a lower ranking? thats fine-" "I was a winner-" "OH! ok- so you used to live on earth??" "Uhm, yeah... it wasnt really the best experience, and it wasnt that good in heaven either. But that doesnt matter anymore since i guess this is better-" "hm? Really?" "W-w-well i didnt m-mean i-it like t-that!" he chuckled. "Well~ It sounded like it to me~" you blushed. "C'mon, lets get you cleaned up, and finally get you a normal outfit-" "Ok-" you put your robe back on and he finds his clothing again, and he leads you down the hallway into his bathroom. "Umm, here, you can start the shower and you can try using some of the wash there too. I- ill just close the door now- heh-" as he shut the door you blushed again, and you thought to yourself *ok... so i have a demon form- huh...* You stare at your new form in the mirror, you could get used to it- you get in the shower and start to wash your hair until you hear the door creak open... "Luci? Is that you?" "Luci please, im not in the mood right now" you hear a chuckle and everything goes dark.

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you blink your eyes open slowly as youre tied to a chair, the room seeming aquarium-like. then you hear a voice "You think she's awake yet? Im becoming so fucking impatient, why not just wake her up?" "Youre so fucking stupid val" "Oh really? youre calling butterfly over there stupid? have you seen your head? Its literally flat- no room for a brain whatsoever." "Excuse me-" "Shut the fuck up shes awake-" you see a shadowy figure approach you slowly "So... youre like lucifer's new servant, right? you see, we need you to do something." "Oh really? what? And you think i would actually help you now that you literally tied me to a chair while i was trying to take a fucking shower and clean myself." "well that wasnt my idea, so sorry that happened or whatever. anyways we need you to kill lucifer, or give us an opening to kill him. He doesnt even rule hell properly, but we will once we have the power." "So- you kidnapped me to just ask me that one question-?" "uh yeah-" "what the hell will i get then?" "idk like, 1 million dollars?" "yeah no-" "or we could kill you if you dont" that sent a chill down your spine. "Oh yeah? well not if i cant kill you first!" "really? what is a little maid gonna do? clean me to death?" he laughed "You know what, you could work for me, instead. You could make millions instead of not getting paid at all." "Again, no." you then get a more strange chill down your spine, someone else was in the room, you could sense someone behind you almost... *damn, demon hearing is something else* "guess we'll have to kill you then toots, jeez we offered you a better job and 1 million how are you that fucking loyal, all you do is clean shit that has to suck." "Who said I was a maid?" "Wait what?" you feel a warm presence behind you, you could tell it was a person. Then you see the Vs staring up behind you in shock and horror... "Hey- old pal! Uh, we were just making a deal with this lovely lady here..." you hear a demonic voice respond back "Oh really? Don't think for a second i wouldnt notice her missing. And ive known about your stupid little plan, its not happening." It was lucifer. "Lucifer?" "Im trying to get you out of here be quiet" "ill be taking her back now if you dont mind." "Since when did you care about sinners so much? is there something going on between you two? This one special to you or some shit?" "No, shes just my friend." vox started laughing "oh my god this will go trending for sure, velvette make a post or something." "God fucking damnit!" lucifer grabs you and puts you on his shoulder, and you teleport back home. "Why are they so annoying why cant they just leave me alone.." "I-ill just leave you to your thoughts-" you start to walk away until he grabs your arm. "please stay, i need you." you blushed "well, just let me get some clothes on first-" "right- sorry-" as you finished putting on a spare tshirt and shorts he had in his drawer for you to wear, you sat next to him on his bed. "Luci- are you ok?" "yeah! Just peachy! this morning my daughter got mad at me for replacing her mother, and now the whole internet in hell knows about us together! so im just fine." "Lucifer, i know alot has happened today but we both knew it wasn't going to stay a secret for long-" "yeah, there just never seems to be any privacy for the king of hell." "Luci please dont act like this. lets just go to bed." "Ok then..."

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You and Lucifer get in bed and cuddle up together under the cold sheets, finally one night you weren’t getting practically railed into his mattress… you couldn’t blame him though- the man had literally been touch starved for 7 years- *damn that must’ve been rough..* your eyelids then finally get heavier and heavier the more tired you get, you let out a final yawn before dosing off for the night…

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(A week passes by)

After spending a full week with Lucifer and the hotel, you get used to it, it feels like a big family in a way. You’ve stopped sleeping with Lucifer because you have been feeling under the weather for a few days now… he offered to take you to a doctor on multiple occasions but you politely declined, in a fear you would find out you had a severe illness or an incurable disease of some sort, you always feared the worst, given your anxiety. Then you got an idea- “Luci, I need to go to the store to buy some medications, I’ll be back soon!” “Oh- ok darling!” He was somewhat confused, since you haven’t been to a doctor recently about the issue, he was wondering what medicine you were picking up… you finally arrive at the store, you grab some pain medicines and some medicine to stop you from vomiting like crazy. You walk past some pregnancy tests and decide to take a few… *I know it’s probably going to be negative but I just want to make sure..* you remembered last time you and Luci had slept together… your eyes widened and you rushed home.

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Lucifer sits on the couch confused with his plate of pancakes as you sprint to the bathroom with the bag of tests. “Is everything ok?” “YEP! EVERYTHING IS GOOD- ILL BE OUT IN A SEC!” you shuffle through the small boxes and tear the tests out, take them, one by one, and wait. “Are you sure everything is fin-“ you cut him off “YES LUCIFER EVERYTHING IS FINE LIKE I SAID.” he put down his empty plate and walked up to the bathroom door, he could tell something was up. “Are you completely sure? You don’t need to keep anything from me-“ that sent a chill down your spine- he knew you were hiding something. “Can I come in?” “I- yes-“ you sigh and sit down with the completed test in your hand. He opens the door. “Wait- y/n are you-?” “I don’t know yet.” “Ok… I guess we’ll wait then. While we’re waiting, I want to talk to you-“ he sits down next to you. “Do you like me? You say you’ve been feeling sick but refuse to go to the doctor or get medicine, it feels like you’re trying to keep a distance from me. I also feel like you were keeping this from me for a reason- “ “Y-yes ofcourse- (you blushed a bit) I was only keeping this from you because I wasn’t sure how you would react.” “Oh-“ “And- honestly- no- I wasn’t feeling sick- I just. (You hesitate)” Lucifer had a worried look on his face “Are you going to leave me…? Like Lilith?” “No, never! I- just feel homesick- I had friends and family in heaven- and I miss them a lot- it reminds me of heaven when I hang out with you, you’re kind to me, and I mean not to mention but you’re hotter than Adam to say the least-“ “wait- Adam… were you two- married or something?” “Yeah- I was the best exterminator, he preferred me over lute, and we got married a few months after I had joined and climbed to the top.” “Hm- were you thinking of Adam? Is that the REAL reason you felt homesick?” “No, to be honest I don’t miss a thing about him, we got divorced before I fell- plus, I’d say you’re much better than him at a lot of things” you watched as his expression changed and his pride swallowed him “oh really? And what would those things be~” "it could be many things darling~" you got closer to him to tease him, but your timer for 5 minutes had finally gone off. "So- What's the result?" you sighed with relief, "Its negative." "Whew! I mean- not saying I wouldnt want another child- I just think its too early for one-" "yeah i feel the same" you both awkwardly paused. "Umm... Do you want to-" "YES." In a split second lucifer grabbed you and carried you bridal-style to the bedroom.

To be continued....

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OMG I HAVE SPENT TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS CHAPTER... IM STARTING CHAPTER FOUR THE SECOND AFTER I POST THIS THOUGH BC I KNOW YALL LOVE IT SO FAR :)

I really hope you guys enjoyed it, part 4 will be out it maybe a week if im lucky. And i will consider making a part 5 if you want this to be continued. (please ask me or give requests I really want to do side-fics because im bored just working on this one, dont worry im not dropping this fic though i just saying i want to multitask)

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TAGS:

[planetcruspy]

VIDCON AFTER THOUGHTS: a review of my first and sadly final day of vidcon anaheim

SO I'm just making this because I have a lot of thoughts AND for anyone who didn't get to go this year who wants to know what the experience is like! This is going to be really long post so apologies for that :3

Registration was pretty easy for me, but I also could just ask literally anyone for help if I was confused.

FIRST MEET AND GREET: MR. TELEVISION aka AIMSEY TV

The queue had 5 lines, the first ones being those with disabilities, so that they could go first. I was in the fourth (or fifth depending) line. The wait wasn't very long, plus we could sit on the floor. They sadly couldn't sign anything due to time, BUT gifts were allowed and there was a little box to put them in. OKAY SO the actually meeting and greeting was VERY quick, infact I think aimsey made a tweet about how they had 20 minutes to spare when they thought the time was up. This being my first ever meet and greet I was SO NERVOUS, as was probably everyone in the line. This being said ITS OKAY TO BE NERVOUS. The best thing to do is plan out everything you want to do and say in the line or even before you arrive! I would make sure you can get everything done, including poses, in under 15 seconds. NOW don't be like me a rush so much you regret it. Here's how my turn went:

ME: Haiii

armsey: hiii you look amazing :000

mE: thankss! :3

oh yeah i gave them a hug

and then we went 👍👍 and ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ and i gave them another hug and then i ran away as fast as i could/j

I really wish I did more, like chatted some and I also thought of some killer poses the day after, but it was my first time like I said and i was nervous so i dont blame me! BUT they were super nice and gave great hugs too!! By far the best M&G

Next I jumped right into another line for ranboos meet and greet!

The wait was the second longest wait out of the three, but I talked to some awesome people in the line so it wasnt that bad. Plus by that time I was a little tired and dehydrated so that didnt help the wait feel any shorter lmao. I planed literally two poses I think and those were just thumbs up and me sucker punching them in the face :3 Other that I honestly couldnt think that good with the nervousness paired with the dehydration and shortness of breath from my binder. AND QUICK DISCLAIMER: DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT WEAR A BINDER THAT IT TOO SMALL FOR YOU, I had a new one waiting at home for me and the smaller one was sadly the only one I had. I also didnt bind at all that week except for that day because I knew how small it was. ALSO DRINK WATER, BRING WATER BOTTLES. I wasn't that badly dehydrated but I still made the mistake of not bringing a water bottle. SO please please bring some water with you, Especially at conventions. Disclaimer over :) SO heres how it went

The photographer was having trouble with the camera (or maybe not just something held him up) so he didnt get to scan my wristband right away, so I just stood there awkwardly for a minute lol. And then he scanned it and then I didn't hear the thing go off immediately so I stopped AGAIN.

Me: Hiii

Ran: Hello! :D

mE: so erm can we do thumbs up?

RRAN: yuh!

Me: and then can I like punch you..

Ran: sure! lets do it

and then i said my goodbye and ran

ran: Nice to meet you!!

THOUGHTS:

I DIDNT ASK FOR A HUG AND IM SO PISSED ACTUALL SOBBING ABOUT IT

I really wanted to talk more but I got in my head about time and stuff and ended up not saying much of anything 😭 And of course I thought of better poses the day after. But again all on my part and it was lovely to get to meet them ^ ^

NOW my third and last M&G was Jack manifold!

This was probably the longest wait out of the three, since there was also someone finishing up their meet and greet when we got there. As well as he was signing things too, which I am so happy about! so I didn't mind the wait.

By now I had loosened up, got something to eat, so I was feeling a lot better. Heres how it went!

Me: HIII

J munee: Helloo :)

me: Thank you sm for being here! (and then something about all the people)

Jack: Its alright!

Then we did thumbs up, mewed like gods and um

WHICH TOOK HIM LIKE 4 TRIES TO GET IT RIGHT BTW

ANYWAYS Then he signed my House of Leaves book! So awesome, big thanks to jack for staying to sign things and chat with everyone!

SO that was my big post talking about vidcon and my thoughts. A big reason why I did this was to also process everything myself lmao. Um thanks for reading lol, sorry this was long tbh I was debating on posting this for a minute cuz of cringe but i am free

[thuidium-delicatulum]

3, 4, 5, 8, 13, 14 (and drink some water regardless of the answer!), 16, 18, 24, 26, 29

(only answer the ones you're comfortable with!)

YISSSSS SO MANY QUESTIONS THANK YOUUU

3) [colour that gives me the ick] that one shade of yellow... like mustard but a bit lighter and NOT nice hah

4) [mythical creature that i believe to be real] tbh im pretty open to believing in a lot of things. i believe in ghosts and other supernatural things ?

5) [favourite form of potato] i like mashed potato it makes me happy what can i say it tastes nice :]

8) [do you change into specific clothes when you get to the house] yes hah i change into blue jeans and a band shirt and my favourite sweater because its comfyyyyy

13) [first thing you're doing in the purge] it sounds pathetic but texting/calling my friends to ensure their safety because i care about their lives more than my own and then somehow getting to them [idk about this part but i WILL find them] and then going to live in a forest because WHAT TEH FUCK ELSE

14) [do you think you're dehydrated?] so i dont have a water bottle and i drink water like every other day when i remember so yes quite probably

18) [boba/tea order] um boba would be classic milk tea with tapioca and tea [im not sure if this is what it meant but yeah] would be english breakfast tea with a small amount of milk + no sugar !

24) [which do you find yourself using, american or british english]i dont really understand this question but im british so i use a lot of typically british words [bloody, crap, idk wardrobe, lift, loft that kinda thing] but i guess sometimes i use more american words

26) [hows your spice tolerance?] hmmmm i really like spicy food and i enjoy the sensation of spicy food but my eyes water really easily so im not sure i guess pretty high

29) [preferred pasta] FUSILLI IS PERFECTION but i also like macaroni and those little butterfly thingys [I CANT REMEMBER THE NAME IM SORRY]

ty so much for the ask have a great day :] [sorry this took a little while i kept forgetting what the questions were]

[chateau-adonis]

My third grindr date. Ever. Don't like to drink on the first date. Told him that on the app before we met. This guy gets drunk. Like WAYY drunk. Which had me thinking: either he was already drinking before we met up, or this guy is a lightweight. Both possibilities made him unattractive to me, so I didn't think about it & tried to enjoy the date. So 45 mins into the "date" im not really paying attention to what he's talking about (stocks or NFTs or the presidential campaign, idk couldn't tell ya) & then two random girls join our table. Its obvious they know each other. He introduces them. We exchange platitudes. girls are also drunk & asking for a light. I give them a light, saying maybe 2 words. Grindr guy No. 3 looks at me, "he's a writer" & the girls go "oooh" in unison. I want to leave. I step away into the bathroom to try an irish goodbye but as I'm going out the door one of them asks if I'm going to "the party". Someone named Chico Daddy Rico. I say no. Grindr guy No. 3 asks sorrowfully if I'm leaving. I tell them yes. I hear him say they're getting in his car. I fumble for my keys & then realize all three of them are drunk. Well, now it's four of them but Im not sure where that last person came from. So I tell them if grindr guy No. 3 is okay with me driving his car, I could get them there safer. So engine on, pull out, & I realize i dont remember if my bike is locked. So, hazards on, I get out, check the lock, all good, turn around & they drove off without me. Fuck. I mean at this point I wouldn't have cared so much had they not sped off with my bag in the car. The bag with my wallet & keys. I get it back eventually but not before I have to walk all the way to their location. Grindr guy No. 3 comes down the steps, says nothing, opens his car door parked on the curb. Grabs my backpack & throws it at me. Didn't react. He's drunk. Probably on coke & god knows what else. Some of my things are missing. I get angry. He shoves me. I shove him. He charges at me. I fall down, kick him. He pitches me off the floor by the root of my scalp. I let out a clipped yelp but he throttles me around & wraps his arm around my neck. I thought, this would be sexy in any other circumstance. What I did next was not new to me but I bit him. I bit down so hard that the mouthful of his skin loosened behind my clamped teeth. He falls over, I fall on him. He kicks, he screams. His free arm attempting to pry me off like a crowbar. I spit the first floppy chunk into the bushes & bite down again, this time It's dark outside & some of the others in the party have spilled out into the road. it takes me a bit longer to peel the meat off his arm with my teeth but I make it a second time with a nice swift, gummy snap of my neck. I ate that bit. I walked away before anyone else at the party could get their hands on me but I ate that motherfucker. This one tasted gross. Fuck him. -10/10 grindr date. He tasted severely dehydrated.

[rainbowgothdisaster]

Gimme 11, 14, 16 & 29 :3

11. anything from your childhood you’ve held on to?

theres not as much as id like bcuz i lost a bunch of stuff when i was 12 and of whats left i dont have a lot of stuff with me at this house buuuuuuuuuut!!!!

this is Lamby!!!!! ive had her (and her friends who're at the other house) since i was an itty bitty baby jewel, shes a handmedown from my cousin and i kept her in PRISTINE condition!!!!! asid from her tag which is 100% faded no words visible (shes hanging out with sampson in that bedroom art)

like 90% of the stuff i still have from before the custody change is stuffies and various toys, there's Lamby, Prince (a pink horse), Kitty (a pink cat), Unicorn (a yellow unicorn), Deery (a brown deer with antlers but ive always called her a girl so yknow babby me says trans rights), a dog i dont remember the name of, and a couple other things like a DJPON3 equestria girls doll, a recently found rarity plush, and a real tiara from an old halloween costume. i also have a ukelele from my 14th birthday that i named Mikkie and painted but never learned to play

i..... have attachment issues. and maybe a slight hoarding problem. but yeah anything i still have was either already at these houses or mum managed to give to me before abandoning the old place

14. do you think you’re dehydrated?

ACTUALLY NO FOR ONCE!!! i decided i wanted to finish my 'reminder' stickers so i got my pink and pastels leopard print thermos a friends mom gave to me and put my 'drink water' sticker on it

16. thoughts on mint chocolate chip?

idk if mints sposed to burn but mint burns me to the point i cant brush my teeth with mint tooth paste, i cant eat peppermint or chew mint gum and i cant eat mint chocolate chip

i actually cant breathe around mint either, like i legit start choking and start having an asthma attack

29. preferred pasta noodle?

i eat chef boyardee overstuffed ravioli multiple times a week so probably ravioli

i like gnocci a lot but i only had it once in france, i like lasagna A LOT veggie lasagna is fucking delish, conchiglie is used in pasta salad which is really good too, ziti is always fun when youve got cheese involved, and of course my autistic ass loves me some mac n cheese !!

basically, anything BUT spaghetti unless its chef boyardee. which is tragic bcuz my family pretty much exclusively makes spaghetti (which btw they started adding mushrooms and onions TO the sauce which. is rude). i fucking hate spaghetti bcuz it fucking dries and gets stiff and is such a bad fucking texture. its........ fine.......... if you order it in a resturant or something. its not the best but im not gunna freak over it, i just cannot handle when it dries. i have legit just spit it out immediately when it gets like that. like it icks my ARFID as soon as it gets even close to that.

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. adventurer but doesn't wear tacky clothes lefty eyebag. 😌

I'm just at work now, actually playing on my switch because it is so slow, no calls or emails at all. But I am okay, woke up with a headache and really hungry 😅 It could be stress and dehydration combined.. but bleh it is what it is.

You are like my niece's mom. She would let her pick her clothes, but if it doesn't match or it looks crazy together, she will shake her head no, but will still let her wear it haha.

That's a lot of pillows! I guess I am weird though, I have a pillow but I don't use it at all. It's just on the bed for decoration.

Was it fun to ride the snow mobile? It always looks fun in the movies or shows. That and skiing. I want to try either one of them but I don't want to be in the cold that much.

Have you ever tried jetski? Or canoeing? Kayaking?

I think next year I will try to be more adventurous. I'll try doing the wall climbing and axe throwing 🤔

That picture with the trees is really pretty. I like seeing snow on trees and houses. The snow in Nebraska is nice but then after the day, when it gets plowed and all that, it is ugly to look at hahahaha.

You have parts ready and you're not sharing?? Oy vey.

Hm, if you could do anything without getting caught, what would you do?

-CuriousGeorge

Hello hello you!

Sorry i fell asleep while putting em to nap, then woke up cleaning, n went to the stores to get stuff for dinner then cook dinner, n clean the kitchen n now waiting next to bathtub while em taking a bath. 😁

Hows work? Is it done yet?

U need to drink a lot of water.. or maybe stretch, i assume u probably sit a lot in a day? While working.

Haha i love that statement.. i say it often too "it is what it is." 😅

Haha yeah sometimes my way works, by giving her choices that i set up for her but sometimes she is just one stubborn princess so i just let her wear what she wants.

Haha the pillows r sleeping pillows, not just decorations pillow. So we use it.😆😅 it's mainly for him because he moves a lot when sleeping. He tossed n turn a lot, blanket or pillows can be on the floor by morning sometimes.lol.

When i sleep, i always sleep in one spot n i dont move a lot. I either sleep on my back or on my right side n always close to the edge. 😅🤣 how bout u? How do u sleep?

Oh yeah, snow mobile is fun! I love it. If u gonna try it someday, dont try the one thats only go on thr flat ground n ride it in circle.. pick the choice that let u go up on the mountain by urself because it's scarier.hahhaha.n more dangers.lol.

I hv tried both because one time when my sister came here n i wanted her to try, the company that i used to pick closed for good. So the only one thats open was.the one on the flat ground n just go around n around. It's not fun, they even told u to slow down if u go to fast. The one that goes to the mountain, u can go as fast as u can.haha.

I never tried skiing or snowboarding.

I never tried jetski nor kyaking nor canoeing. But i tried a sea doo. It was fun n scary because it goes sooooo fast n if there is a ripple or a little wave it will jump over it.hahaha. i tried it on the lake tahoe lake though. What scared me is the water is so clear u can see the bottom of it n u know it's deep. What makes me less scared is i know there is no shark or any weird sea creature. 😅

I also tried wake boarding on the lake, thats the one that u stand on a board n got pulled by a boat, that shit is hard 😅🤣 im not gonna do it anymore.. i also tried thing thats called flow rider when i was in a cruise. It's like a machine that blows fast water like u r surfing. It's fun but hard n it's not my thing.hahhaa. im not gonna do it anymore. U can google flowrider. My body got all sore the next day it wasnt even funny 😅

Oh i always wanna try wall climbing but i bet it's hard. Axe throwing, i forgot i was gonna respond to what u said about it. I think u told me there is a bar that has axe throwing n it reminds u of me? Im wondering why it remind u of me? Hahahaha. I never tried it. I hv seen a few video that sometimes the axe ricochet back to u n it kinda scares me. 😅

Haha i got what u meant, snow after get plowed look dirty 🤣🤣🤣

Haha yeah i have two parts ready i just need to proof read the whole thing n wait until everything done then post it. 😅

Hmm i dont know what i would do if i can do anything without getting caught. I guess maybe rob the bad rich people n give the money to the people who need it i guess. Or go to illegal puppy mills or the restaurant that serve dog as their food n take all the dogs n save them n destroy the place 🤣

What about u? I hope i dont sound crazy or psycho.lol.

Cheerio!

[worldsendgirlfriend]

should i start like tagging these or puttign them under read mores No actually i dont want 2 readmore mysefl fuck censorship listen to psychotic voices ‼️

i dont wnst to tag them either jus personally. but if any of u want me to then i wil. so like. lmk if u do. onto the mental health section of daily dabiseimeivector times

looks at todo list 4 last nite i made myself in city block.... ok i wrote this then checked and i actually did get like, most of it done and made progress on the main thingy so i guess it wasnt too wasteful a night. but i Definitely got too distracted i couldve done a lot more and like i wanted 2 do a lot more. perhaps sth like intermittent lil small alarms just 2 remind me how much time has passed.... why does time in general feel so backwards for me. once a day passes it couldve been yesterday or two and a half weeks ago or like seven months ago. when i say "recently" in any context thats code for "i have no fucking clue but it probably happened like?? ? within the past... six months.. ??? ?? if not then this year for sure.........?????". nd when im not paying attention to time But specifically depending on what im doing, it either feels like its been hours and its only been like maybe 30 min or its been around 30 mins and its been almost like 4.5 hours.

when i was in Hell On Vector Stim Drug Technique period i was certain i was losing time just like bc it just Started happening bc i kept finishing so late at work despite being Sure i was going at my usual speed if not faster. Yeah, i know, but i wasnt clearheaded at all for that whole time so it Felt like i was normal even tho my body constantly in the process of crashing hard but molly nd addys both kept hooking its corpse up to the back of a wagon and yeah pulling it along but also thru the dirt and hitting rocks and shit. and as u can tell from morning editorial sleep habits are still very fucked. food was much easier to fix quick tho i still have to like, check the clock sometimes and be like did i eat anythimg recently ❓ but even if i forget ive been drinking lots of fluids bc i was severely dehydrated like Really was and even if i still am Dehydrated kts like. water helps fucking wverything dude. as long as i get some thats all i can do. but Yeah tangented as shit fuck but that was just a worry that was Completely understandable re what caused it just like at the time seemed unrelated. but my point is that now that im (in)sane again its not like... like im fine at work again nd stuff but im. def having more time problems still tho not as like idk scary as that felt. still concerning. have therapy today (i was Sposed to wake up when it happen and get like normal sleep time but you saw. you adamanda) so ill bring up, i like unloaded everything directly pre and post 2fdck Get and Ingested. Lot (good thing it was 2f bc! if it was regular ket! well i mightve had an actual medical 'emerjencie' on my hands from all that nutrience) just so like. like i texted her beforehand like hey we wont get to address like any of this bc i have so much totell you but like thurs itll be fine just like heds up. nd as i expected things r like. yeah nothing Major major happened between monday anf now. life normal. Vector version of normal. so like What te fuck is going on but like its fine like take a hit off ybis its fine.

[mollydollyjournals]

Wednesday 30th June, 155lbs. Not all that happy about that... i knew i wasnt going to get a huge weught drop today but its still annoying that its slightly higher than yesterday. I guess if its partly due to fluctuation then thats okay, but i cant really know.

-- im just gonna add here that since i got this phone the autocorrect/autofill situation really hasnt improved much so i guess i just make loads of typos now. Its irritating but i really cant be fucked to keep going back correcting everything so if you see me typo no you didnt --

I sort of feel smaller and sort of dont. Cant really tell. I didnt take my measurements when i got up - i could do it now but first thing is always best so idk. I should take a photo too. Wednesday will be my photo day i guess. Im nervous about that one. Thats where i need to see at least some difference from last week...but i dont know if there will be and if there isnt then im gonna feel really bad. And im not sure what time of day i took the other ones or anything like that. So maybe its not consistent? Ugh

I wanted to be 154 tomorrow, which is still possible if todays weight is a fluctuation. I mean i guess i could also get it by dehydrating myself today but water weight loss doesnt count. Im not really sure what to do. I had my usual salad breakfast. I still feel really tired. I woke up kind of early so could be i didnt get enough sleep, but it could be anything really. But i know ill struggle to do much physically today. Which means im gonna be stuck in the same situation later where i know i should eat something else but im scared ill gain weight so instead i starve and then im still exhausted the next day etc etc it all continues.

I just want so badly to get under the 150s. I have an event next weekend as well and if id managed to stick to everything from the start id be 147 by then. Its like 9 days away now so theres no way i can do it now. But i still want to get as close as i can. There'll be photos and stuff and i dont wanna have to explain that yes ive done my hair and makeup and am wearing at least vaguely nice clothes but no i still dont think i can handle being in photos because im fat

Hb is asking if i wanna go out today which feels weird but its an easy way for me to get some physical activity without pushing too hard. We just walk in the woods and stuff. I cant go by myself, and this way if i start feeling lightheaded or somethi g then i have someone to help me out. So ill do that. Hopefully i wont feel horrific.

I really want a cigarette. I smoked a bit these past couple of weeks but i finished the pack a couple of days ago. Still craving it now. I dont smoke regularly anymore, i dont even use nicotine at all, but occasionally i want a cigarette or two...i get the absolute lightest ones i can find (silk cut silver/mayfair fine if i cant find those/ideally vogue platine but i dont think ive ever seen those in england) and have one or a few, usually if im drinking out somewhere. So i especially didnt smoke much this past year. With that in mind, its kind of weird that my cravings are spiking now. But i think its not just the chemical craving thats the issue for me - im in a mindset where im just craving Things in general, so this is another one of those things.

Wednesday would be a drinking day, but i drank on monday so i shouldnt today. I cant drink on friday because i want to on saturday. Which means i can drink tomorrow, and probably should if i feel like i cant get to saturday. I definitely want to drink today though. Its annoying. I really want to drink and smoke and play music and just be decadent. But nome of it really helps the stuff i need to change.

Ill drink a load of water, do this walk, see how i feel later. I should probably make myself eat dinner, so ill just make sure i have 'safe' options. I want to have energy, but i also need to lose weight. I need to feel okay in my body. I need to not hate the look and feel of myself. I cant do it anymore

[pbandjesse]

I feel really exhausted today. I dont feel as bad as I did but it has still been a little hard. I could not fall asleep or get comfortable last night and it was not fun at all. I was up until almost 2 and when I did sleep I had very active dreams and it wasnt even good sleep. Sucked. 

So when my alarm went off I told James I needed 5 more minutes. Which made it so I had to leave right away once I was washed and dressed. So it was a little bit of a stressful morning. 

But I got to work on time. And it was a nice enough day. We have 3 more kids registered but they are probably coming tomorrow. So it was just our small crew. But we were all kind of off today. Tired. 

Dasia came in late because her mom was flying back into town and her flight got delayed and it was a whole thing. The twins were there when I was and they were both tired. Caylee was in baby voice mode all day, and Caleb was just poking at his sister all day. But we did do some beading and that was fun. Hopefully well do more tomorrow. I probably could have been a better teacher but I was just really tired so we only did it for their first break. 

Once the other two girls got there we were all mostly just in class mode. I worked on sewing but I could barely focus on that. Today just sort of drug on. I did get some stuff done at least. And I read for a little while. 

We had lunch and me and the twins went outside for a while. It was very breezy today and it made me pretty cold. The first time we went out I remebered my jacket but the second time later in the day I forgot it inside and I was just so cold! My sweater was just to thin. I might put this one in storage. I have so many black sweaters so it wouldnt be the worst thing to put one away. 

Because everyone was so tired we pulled out the yoga mats and the kids all made nap areas. We used the big pieces of fabric in the closet as blankets and the bags of stuffing as pillows. It was very silly. But we had the lights off and for the most part they all focused on their work and it was all good. We were all sleepy though and I was shorter on patience for nonsense today. Like sneaking on youtube when youre actually in class. Like sure have a youtube video on while youre doing work, but not during the actual class. I know the class is stupid. I get it. But this is how this year is and yes I know the mask is annoying but we gotta wear them why have I had to ask 10 times in the last half hour. I might do a check mark system and if they get enough positive checks for masks Ill give them candy? Well see. I hate rewarding when its something they should just do, but this is a weird year. 

The second time we went outside we sung on the swings and on my silk for a while. But by the end of the hour we were all sort of whiny and tire. And so we went inside and cleaned up and I got ready to leave. 

I was very tired at this point. I checked in with Evers and gave him updates of the day. Told him the book requests from the kids. Turns out they are having someone from the library coming to bring books anyway so it was just a nice coincidence. 

I headed home. Took a different way home and it was nice. I stopped at burgerking and got a milkshake and when I got home I made the veggie popcorn chicken and it was alright. I might bake them longer next time to make them crispier but they were still nice. 

After I ate I decided I would sleep for a bit. Which ended up being almost 2 hours. I woke up very dehydrated and very confused because the sun had gone down. I changed into my new sweatshirt and got something to drink and I felt a little better. I checked on our animal crossing island and you can catch leaves right now! That was exciting but I was bad at it and got frustrated. 

I did some and work in my studio for a bit. I have two commissioned big frogs this week and so I sent them some fabric ideas. I also stuffed and finished a few other friends. I have to go through my frog box again though because I think I may have missed a bunch when I photographed before so I think Im gong to retake all the ones I still have? Well see. No sales today but James did get the two from friday sent out today. The printer issue seems to be a known thing so he found a work around and printed the labels in blue. He's so smart. 

I did the dishes and now I am just laying in the studio. I think I am going to go take a shower and get in bed. I am really hoping I can get easier sleep tonight. Dasia isnt going to be in tomorrow, so I will be alone with the kids. Which is fine, she is mostly just another set of eyes in the room. I wonder if the three new kids will be nice? I hope so. 

I also hope you all have a good night. Please keep washing your hands. And try to stay in. I know our government hasnt made it easy for us and hasnt set a good example. But we got to do our best. 

Sleep well you guys.

[keeperofssouls]

1, 7, 9, 13, 17, 19, 26, 29, 30, 31, 32, 36, 40, 41, 51, 52, 55, 56, 57, 59, 63, 81, 92, 104, 106, 119, 120, 121, 123, 153, 162, and 238 please baby :) also sorry it’s so long hehe

1- How are you? 

tired but happy to be with my girl and v in love hehehe 

7- Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:

aries and hmm idk some times i can totally see myself in my zodiac sign and other times i just like ~cant~ at all but at the end of the day i think im such an aries in so many ways haha

9- What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?

better mental health 

13- If you could change your eye color, would you?

prob would to blue

17- Say 8 facts about your body: 

idek what to do for this haha so: 5′ 4 1/2-3/4”, 8.5 shoe size, curly hair, dark brown eyes, brown hair, and enjoy two random facts about ur body because i cant think of anymore and im only at 6 haha 1. Babies are born with 300 bones – adults have 206. 2. You are taller in the morning than you are at night. hehehe

19- Do you have any piercings?

yes ma’am one per earlobe hehe

26- Something you are working on right now:

college apps *finger guns*

29- What would you say is your best quality?

probably that im v loving? idkkkk lol

30- What do you think you’re really good at?

turning you on giving hugs and listening hehe

31- What do you think you’re really bad at?

not procrastinating haha 

32- What talent do you wish you’d been born with?

teleportation count? hehe

36- Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?

nope

40- What do you think about the most?

you hehehe

41- Share 2 habits:

procrastinating and not drinking enough water lmao

51- Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?

cats maybe but not sure lol 

52- Ever broken any bones?

nope amazingly enough (have had ankle surgery tho woohoo hehe)

55- A random fact about yourself:

i wear a lot of black lmao

56- What are three things most people don’t know about you?

i write poetry, i started taking french in 4th grade, i like doing the new york times mini crosswords hehe 

57- An unknown fact about your life:

not totally sure what this is asking but ig that ive always been vegetarian lol

59- Five weird things that you like:

i can literally only think of one for this lmao: sour cream on this one pizza

63- A quote you try to live by:

i dont think i have one but “treat people with kindness” is a good rule of thumb 

81- What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?

between your legs your bed, italy, germany, england, france

92- Say 7 facts about your childhood:

i lived in 4 states, i took ballet for like a year, i played basketball, i was kinda a theatre kid haha, my fam had three dogs, i did a voiceover for a legal video for a case, i used to have straight kinda blonde hair lmao 

104- Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

yes ma’am hehe

106- Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

yes i think so hehe

119- What is your idea of the perfect date?

literally anything with you hehe but like maybe a photo booth, long drive, good food, walk and holding hands, cuddling and looking at the stars together, and stuff 

120- Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend:

4′10″, amazing smile and eyes, really cute dimples, glasses, long black hair, caring, impatient ;), dehydrated, sleepy hehe, great listener and super caring, there for it all, supportive, funny hehe, easy to talk to and hang out with, compatible with me aka ummmm you hehe

121- What is the first thing you noticed in someone?

smile, eyes, style, hair (well first four things haha)

123- What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

nice eyes and smile hehe 

153- If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

e v e r y t h i n g hehe

162- The last time you felt jealous, and why?

i dont think i have felt jealous in a while so idek lmao

238- Something you’re currently worrying about:

college, life, the usual haha

Thank you for the ask babygirl hehe and i never mind long asks especially from you :) 😘🥰🤗

[suenala]

BTS-story ; well, here i am.

episode 4 ; 'she's cocky.'

prev. < tsilretsam

[genre] ; fluff

[fandom] ; 방탄소년단

[⚠] ; cuss must bust

–

-

Fee: "Hey yn," -she talks from behind her locker door-

Yn: "Hm?" -i start changing my clothes and shoving everything into my duffle bag and then shoving THAT into my locker-

Fee: "What's your number?"

Yn: "You have my number...?"

Fee: "No i dont..?"

Yn: "Yes you do...?"

Fee: "Well, tell me, i don't remember then."

Yn: "Oh, fine its 25326-'

Fee: "No you idiot, your fucking number on your tag!" -she doesn't even look at me and smacks me on the back of my head-

Yn: "Oh, uh..25, how 'bout you?" -i sit on the bench behind me, rubbing my head-

Fee: "Dang, 46."

Yn: "Dang?" -as she finishes up, she turns around towards me and gestures to leave-

Fee: Walk and talk, lets go. Anyway, yeah, i wanted to go sooner."

Yn: "Hm? Why?"

Fee: "I don't know, if i was best, then they'll probably have a hard time judging others, no offense...hehe."

Yn: "Don't they record them? They can always look back to remember."

Fee: "Hm, i guess you are right." -we slowly stop talking as we re-enter the studio. This time the lights and cameras were set up-

We had an half-hour refresh session so everyone and practice. My number was 25 so I had plenty of time to work on my own choreography, they said they will be going by twenty but theres alot of us so...this'll be awhile. 

[Thirty minutes later]

Namjoon: "Okay, i hope everyone's warmed up?"

Everyone: "Yes!"

Namjoon: "Okay, we're going to need the numbers 1-20 to stay please and the rest can exit. After they are done we'll take a 25-minute break and the group next can come in, got it?"

Jin: -whispers- "namjoon.., they aren't dogs.."

Namjoon: "Shut up."

We all exit and sit outside waiting..well some of us, it was like an hour and a half till it was our time but before that, mostly everyone went to other studio rooms to practice or some fell asleep or something but for me and fee just sat there talking. We were actually pretty confident we would make it to the next round but maybe that's just us, i guess a lot of girls need that (confidence) to perform but i felt like maybe something was going to be a bit different.

[Hour and a half later]

Girl 1: "Dude, im so exhausted.."

Girl 2: "i know right? Me too, good job out there by the way." -she wipes her forehead with a towel as she's walking out-

Jhope: "Wow! I was super impressed! You all danced well today!"

Jimin: "I agree, you all must've worked very hard, huh?"

All the boys follow each other out as they bow and hand out water bottles to the girls. We all know damn well that they didn't need it lol maybe its because its from celebrities?

Jhope: "Don't worry, we won't be long!"

Suga: "Hoseok, just go."

They all wave and bow to us as they walked into a break room reserved for them, they're lucky too, that room is one of our biggest and has couches and T.V’s, lots of food and drinks and other stuff. Usually, that would be reserved for the studio staff or VIP members like me but the staff got a smaller one instead.

Every time I saw a teacher walk past the room, they would roll their eyes as their seeing it taken away from them, but you know, sucks to suck.

[25 miNuTeS LaTer]

The next 20 girls walked in and the boys were already there. We all sat against a wall while the first girl went, the boys looked so focused and when they saw something surprising they seemed genuinely impressed. It gave me alot of courage because then maybe i can do something that'll have taken them aback..., thats until I heard people whispering and talking about me, saying things like; “Omg, I totally forgot we were up against yn..”, “Should we just leave now? We have no chance with her here.” etc. To be honest, it gave me some joy that people thought I was intimidating but also it was sad that people put themselves down just cause I was in the competition too, I didn't want to say anything cause I had a feeling that maybe they would think I was being...conceited but really, what should i do? Quit?

Soon enough time passed and it was my turn, I stood there in front of 19 other girls and seven boys, I stretched thoroughly, cracking every bone in my body and gave them my requested song. For my audition i had selected to be in a duo so I called in henry, i wanted to have more people dance with us but ...they wouldn't get credit since they had to do their own dances when it was their turn plus henry wasn't going to audition—he slacks off too much.

They play on the music and once the intro starts— i immediately get a shot of adrenaline into my body. That's the best part of dancing in front of a crowd, the racing heart wanting to blow out of your chest, the massive amounts of energy that come along— i just feel so awake and enliven. Its like dancing is a drug, i can practice hours on end and yeah i can get tired but i can never get tired (you kno'¿ lolol), i crave for the side effects; the sweat, the dehydration. I love it all.

Everyone sits up and starts bobbing their heads to the beat of the song. They've all seen me dance before and i got to say, im not the best but im sure as hell far away from worst. As their all getting ready to watch me go, the boys are also getting interested, they want to see me dance like before or BETTER than before- all that this morning, it was just all practice, surely im better than that.

I move my body to the beat of the intro and we get into position for the first lyric.

[song] ; a.c.e- black and blue

Im in full focus.

I start dancing with a sharp move—my upper half bopping to the sound. One minute in the song and i can feel the burn, im moving as fast as my body can go and making sure that my moves are as sharp as can be. Really, i didnt care if i got selected. When he asked me if ill be participating i was a bit unsure really and when Jimin said i didn't care i just thought, well "we'll see."

I have to admit that even if i dont get picked, this was really fun, this competition. I get to really see what my peers are made of and they get to see me at my fullest.

Yn: -i make contact with jhope and we stare at each other for a while until i wink and blow a kiss, you would think he would be used to it but it seemed like he got flustered a bit-

Jimin: "Isn't she really good?!" -He whispers to the other members-

Jhope: -scoffs- "Tsk, she's cocky." -he mutters-

I can see Jhope writing on the clipboard with a smirk, was he impressed?

The music ends and I stand there for a minute breathing heavily. Henry pats me on the back and bows to everyone as he leaves, I take a deep breath and stand next to the door. All the other girls tell me that i did a good job and said I was amazing but, I look over to the members and their expressions were so...blank? I can't tell if they enjoyed it or not well besides Jimin, he's smiling from ear to ear, at least someone thought it was good, right...?

I end up having eye contact with jhope again and he raises a brow.

Namjoon: "Okay! Good job #25! Next please!"

Another girl goes up and its a much slower paced than what I just danced to, sigh, this will be a long day won't it?

–

prev. < tsilretsam > next

[callmeratboy]

A lot of yall needa take care of yourself and here's how:

Eat. Eat snacks. Eat anything. You will not have energy and you will be in a bad mood. You might trigger a depressive episode just because you didn't eat. Go and do it. Please. Small sugar heavy or carb heavy things might seem unhealthy before you, but they are high source in energy. You don't have to worry about eating healthy, you need to focus on eating regularly first. 2 or 3 meals a day, 2,000-4,000 calories a day.

If you've got that down, then you can eat healthy. Food pyramid stuff. Protein, carbs, greens, yadda yadda. You don't have to be excessive on the healthy stuff. Just try to eat a little of each every day.

Physical activity???? Not necessary. Might make you feel better about yourself. Getting up and walking around helps a lot, too. Even if you don't go outside, just leave your room and stay somewhere more open in the house, where you're not so closed off. You don't have to be around other people if you can avoid it. Going outside during daytime and walking???? Also amazing. (Pokémon GO is a great motivator for this, don't give me that look)

Hygiene. It sucks. I hate it. But we need it. If you don't manage this, it can have really costly effects later. Especially for those of you in America. Hospital/dental/ any other doctor bills are expensive. If you don't feel like fully brushing your teeth, clean it off with a napkin a bit. You'll get to teeth-brushing one day, but just try to keep it more manageable for now. Future you will be grateful. Shower. Sometimes. Y'know?? Dirt builds up even if you don't do anything. Change your clothes if you can. Not necessarily every day, but every other day. It might make you feel good about yourself.

If you can set aside a couple hours to clean your room, i suggest doing so. But if you don't, that's okay. Some people clean in small bursts of energy. I personally need a lot of time because once i start i can't stop. Putting away an item or two the moment you step in your room will be a small step, but it will be beneficial in the long run. Start by putting away big things, then maybe tidying up smaller things. Progress is more noticeable this way.

Sleep. I know a lot of people don't like doing this, but not sleeping can have similar affects to not eating. Eating and sleeping are how you get energy. Sleeping lets you function. You might even, dare i say, enjoy it. Aim for at least 6 hours if you're current average is below that. School/work can make this hard. 8-10 is much healthier, but also, kinda impossible. You might get there sometimes, so pat yourself on the back if you do. I'm not sure if taking naps help you, but if you're really physically exhausted during the day, its probably gonna make you feel better. Just don't nap for so long that you miss out on important things.

Water!!!! I always forget this one. You get headaches without water!!! You feel icky without water!!! Speaking or even breathing messes up water!!!! I am always extremely dehydrated because i don't like drinking water. You need electrolytes. Gatorade and sports drinks help too. Uhhhhh just drink it!!! Im bad at this one i know many side affects of not doing it so please just do it i feel miserable!!! Try to find a way to make water tolerable. Some people put fruit or something. Crunching on ice doesn't hydrate you (I know bc i do that). Also your skin will get dry and crackly so water (and maybe even using lotion but that's also a big ask) will make it softer. You need like 6-8 cups a day???? Is that a thing???? Look it up i know its important but i just dont know much about it.

Take time for yourself. Do it. Do little things that you like. Draw. Play that video game. Sing to your music. Do whatever else calms you down/brings you joy. It will make every day just a little better.

Get away from things that bother you (if you can). Block that mean person. Remove yourself from uncomfortable situations. Stop hanging out with those people. Whatever you need. Don't force negativity into your life.

Love yourself. This is probably really hard, but hear me out. It is the most important one. Take baby steps on it. You will fall back sometimes, but you will also improve. If you want to change something about yourself, think "is it really a flaw or am i just thinking too hard about it?". You can change parts of your personality if you want, but don't try to become a different person. If you have a "flaw" that isn't hurting anyone, it isn't a flaw. You should look back on it and think "this thing helps make me who i am and it is wonderful". Love your physical self love your inner self. Improve on both, but try to find some things you're satisfied/happy with.

Tl;dr: eat, sleep, drink water, love yourself, and just be nice to yourself in general, yeah?

[batsysims]

didnt wanna do an actual Simself Edit™ so have an arrested development reference

anyways

i was tagged by @0cherub & i tag any1 who hasnt done this yet bc who doesnt like answering 125 questions abt themselves oh also @flavortowne im forcing you to do this sry

get to know me tag

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? its batsy dont worry abt it

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? its batsy dont worry abt it

3. BIRTHDAY? september 15

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES?  what?? are books

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? ye both

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? ummmm idk lmfao i havent “read” a “book”” in like 5 years 

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? 35 & 36 on sirius are like basically the exact same station but that doesnt mean i dont constantly alternate between the two whenever im near a radio

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? pink is a v trustworthy flavor

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? *owen wilson voice* wrow

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? what kinda question is this wt f ive currently reobsessed myself w marina and the diamonds so honestly any of her discography

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? idk any words :^/ sry

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? wheels on the bus im exhausted

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? man in the high castle. man in the high castle. man in the high ca

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? clerks al;dksfjf

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? almost exclusively sims and fallout but every once in a while some indie game i find on steam so. yea

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? never doing anything in my life and having nothing 2 look forward to!! yay

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? probably my resiliency, maybe?? idk

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? my habit of allowing bad things to happen to me lol

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? cats but im sorta kinda indifferent 2 both i think i might 1 of the 5 ppl on earth who dont like having pets

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer and fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? yea

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? not being lazy lmfao

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? @flavortowne eye emoji

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? its natural brown but im thinkn abt going either red or blonde again

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? like 3 ppl irl and everyone on discord u guys legit

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my person and @flavortowne eye emoji

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? tom hardy. what is his end goal

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? tbh going 2 basic lmfao im!! lame

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? as of right now,, spiderverse lol

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? teletubbies was fckn legit and so was old school spongebob

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? my person

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? im not superstitious,,, but i am a little stitious

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? i cant deal w fishing poles idk

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? in front babey

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? sims or stitching play foods 4 the kid to use on her play kitchen

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? stop asking book questions

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? spiderverse yeye

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? piano & i try 2 pretend i know what im doing w a ukulele

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? stingrays :^)

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? legit all my mutuals

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? i had an oc that could read ppls memories like a scrapbook if he touched them and i always honestly thought that was. cool

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in my house!! the door b locked bitch!!!!

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? toddler being an idiot toddler

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY?  its not really,, a sport,, but i bike

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? cream soda in those glass bottles is top tier non-alcoholic beverage

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? i wrote a letter 2 my person telling him he was an idiot and by the time it was mailed 2 his house i was already living there lol

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? nah

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? either ppl blowing vape in my face or holding something so close to my face i cant see i just go ballistic

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? nope unless u count a sesame street liveshow like 10 years ago

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? nope!

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a cop lmfao

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? this is horrible but the setting of new vegas i just feel like id be at home there, w the radiation and constant danger and dehydration

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? the kid

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? only when im looking in the mirror adlkfj start thinkn abt a different face showing up instead of mine idk

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yea

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? skipped a whole year adlfkj

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? this is basic but i miss the tri-state area

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? this is basic but i miss nj

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? yea :^/ a dog, a cat, and uhhhh 14 fish

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? night owl but honestly im just always tired

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunsettttt

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? i do

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? headphones. they just work

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? nah but i need em

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? i listen to everything tbh

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? michael cera

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? i used to read them religiously but not so much any more. i am reading the TAZ graphic novel tho

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? having to repeat myself 20 times. or being an idiot when i wanna start a new hobby

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? idk how to read

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? honestly i had a blast in econ and my law enforcement class

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? a bro, another sibling, and a half-bro

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? food lmfao

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? every time i measure myself im 5′2″ but the government insists that i am 5′3″ so w/e

75. CAN YOU COOK? yeap

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? alcohol, bike riding, wearing stupid makeup

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? ppl holding me back, bird box, when my nail breaks before i can file it so its all oglee

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? uh idk?? i dont have,, many,,,, friends

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? bi

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? sc :’^(

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my brother

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? 2 nights ago the kid pistol whipped me in the chin w her phone and it just hurt so bad it legit made me lose it

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? ok this is dumb as shit the kid is obsessed w Blippi and i have a mom crush on him afdslfkjs

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? ye

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? i am currently obsessed w L.O.L. Surprise! Pop but all in all probs Pocket Camp

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? bad as parents but theyre fine now that im an adult and they have a grandkid they can like

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? i dont like a majority of them lmfao but idk maybe uh?? irish

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? rly wanna go to nevada but im moving to the mojave soon anyways so

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 15

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? nope

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? i was raised christian but i dont rly give a shit abt any of that

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? outer space my dood the ocean is dumb and scary

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? im jus livin my life

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? i mean. im lactose intolerant but thats abt it

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? nope

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? no

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? when im wrong abt something

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forest ig bad choices

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? i dont think i was ever given advice, ever. maybe thats why im like this

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? idk i try not 2 lie unless its like. an obvious exaggeration for the lols

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? wtf idk ok i just did one of those quizzes & im a slytherin?? what does that mean

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? yeah

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? more of an introvert but im ok w going out there if i gotta

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? i keep one for the kid but thats abt it

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? nah. unless it was something stupid like burning food like im not gonna ban u from the kitchen

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? if theres an id i guess mail it 2 the address on there?? idk ive never just. found a wallet. i think this happens a lot less than all the hypotheticals make it out to be

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? if theyre dedicated to it. i dont think ppl can just do it over night and i dont think its ever a 100% change

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? dont touch me

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Yep

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? 2 in both ears but thats it

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? spidr...mna

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? no :^( once im cleared for them tho deffo

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? i hate that this is the answer but enlisting adlfkjs

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yeah ig??

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? glasses

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? 2 late

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? we all b stupit

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? idk?? i get embarrassed but also get over it quick so like. idk

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? yea

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black & red

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? mhm

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? i was on nickelodeon back when they had those cuts to the Live Studio Audience™

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 21

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? savory i almost never eat anything sweet

[unproduciblesmackdown]

like i said i’ve never dated anyone, never slept w anyone, never even really kissed anyone that i count as a proper kiss; i don’t regret this as i’ve never really wanted to date anyone and i doubt i ever will—not in the proper “romantic” context anyways. in fact nowadays the idea of being totally independent in that regards is appealing whereas the abstract concept of being with someone makes me feel Neutral - Put Off

as per kissing, i just havent happened to do that tho im not put off by the concept, exactly. its the same w having sex—i’m not against it, but i do have a lot of boundaries and i wouldnt be surprised if nobody came along at the right time that i’d be comfortable being fwb. but there’s a chance i could ever have an orgasm w someone else’s help, as i’ve never even gotten close on my own, but frankly if this never happens at all i dont really care. im just mad that i don’t have access to this basic ass thing. being able to masturbate and get an orgasm. thanks for another arbitrary shit deal that ought to be one fuckin luxury in this life

also im fine w kissing to express affection. but again; boundaries. again; not betting anyone will come along who i’ll be comfortable kissing, awesome if they do. again; dont really care much abt missing out

oh im also always annoyed abt virgin jokes. i also would not call myself or anyone else a virgin because thats a fake and shitty concept but you know. there’s really no way not to be mocked here and i’m not about to take on the burden to spend 49 min dismantling why it shouldn’t really be particularly funny or be obligated to lay out every reason i’ve never had sex to prove that i get to be exempt from being laughed at

also it doesnt help i’ve never dated anyone b/c thats like oh definitely a loser. and im fine w it myself but im not fine w other ppls shit obviously. and yeah i’ve turned people down but i shouldnt have to say so. yeah i guess its hilarious or whatever that im single. im used to all kinds of contempt based on other bare bones factoids abt you and im not about to hide anything abt myself so that i can, idk, retain the respect of total asshats

oh and then there’s the fact that i dont really drink. ive been drunk once for like five min but that was coz i was dehydrated and didnt stop to think that my first drink shouldnt be coincidentally a cocktail that i didnt even like b/c i can’t get thru a full glass of anything containing rum w/o it being just punishment and gagging at the end. nobody likes alcohol for the taste and i dont like getting drunk coz ive never had friends for social drinking and all alcohol does for me is the Depressant shit of making me even more tired. but i dont have to abstain b/c of religious or Moral High Ground reasons and yeah i’ll have a drink to be polite or b/c i came to this bar to use their tvs or whatever but most of the time i dont bother but if you say you don’t drink assholes wanna ask why for shitty reasons and for the sake of ppl who truly would not be comfortable answering that question i hate being asked it and also ive never been non-sober in other ways and don’t particularly want to but i very much despise the whole straightedge thing and gotta explain im Not That lol like. its never enough to just say you dont want to. i mean, of course it is, it should be, but people act like its not

anyways back to the never dating ppl and don’t particularly intend to ever do so—sucks becauseeeee

1) having that kind of partner is being given priority from someone in a way you probably won’t be given otherwise (*i* won’t be given otherwise, i don’t have family or longtime close friends, and i wouldnt expect or want anyone i know to have to support me this much)

2) related to that first point—all the kinds of support ppl get in a relationship, financial and emotional and all that shit. like even that simple issue of how married ppl often get a bunch of essentials as wedding gifts that a single person has to buy themselves and theyre not getting to split the rent either lol

3) related to the first and second point—you’re the extra wheel around all the Most People You Know who arent interested in being single forever. like man i third wheel even as a friend amongst friends. and im just not interested anymore. used to be more depressed abt how Never Dating Anybody means youre guaranteed to be non top tier priority to anyone but im less bothered by the idea of not getting that kind of support. i have myself to be my Number One and its never enough to make sure things are okay for you but i dont care about how little other people might care about me b/c i’m not interested if they’re not

like its not me who has a problem w me not wanting anything Romantic but its so fuckin like hammered in as the ultimate peak of humanity that there’s plenty of external bullshit with this. smh

[druggeddraccus]

20 Questions

I was tagged by @babbling-bumbling-bandofbaboons

Rules: answer these 20 questions, then tag 20 people you want to get to know better.

Nickname: Jordy is really the only one I somewhat like. Only my best friend uses it. But I’ve also been called J-dog, MVP, etc

Height: 5′5″-5′6″??

Last movie I saw: In theaters Spiderverse--and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (fell asleep way early into it though lol)

Last thing I Googled: Dan Avidan--still don’t know who he is

Favorite musician: U2

Song stuck in my head: One of the songs from Mulan 2--the one the princesses sing, I wanna be like other girls?

Other blogs: I’ve got @lesbians-of-the-sea and @lesbians-in-space--both of which i barely use and just put random shit on there and I’m a mod for incorrectkkc quotes

Do I get asks: I’ve gotten so many recently--im not used to it but i love it

Following: 257--i could probably go through and weed out the inactive ones lol--but i do need more peep to follow

Amount of sleep: usually i get 8 no matter what time i go to bed---but there are those nights were i get a lucky 2-4

Lucky number: 3

What I’m wearing: grey leggins that used to have stars on hem and a grey long sleeve that says some xmas thing--i beilive something great is about to happen or something

Dream job: author

Dream trip: Europe

Favorite food: anything with alfredo

Play any instruments: i played the flute in middleschool but i was so bad at it

Languages: just english--i think i want to learn how to read a language? cause i dont think i could speak one...maybe ill try to learn how to read spanish

Favorite songs: girls like girls, where the streets have no name, hurt--johnny cash, take me home country roads (this is my drunk song--but its v v v good)

Random fact: a week ago i was v v mildly dehydrated because i cant make myself drink enough water and i didnt want to make sweet tea

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: driving with the windows down in the rain, music is soft enough to be heard over the wind--sitting in a cozy/dark room--just enough light to read by, smell of minty of chocolate

No pressure but I tag my most recent followers! @alyshapw123 @crazyaboutlefandoms @darkacademiabutminustheasthetic @azzano

@introvertedmultifandom @serpentboicadyn @isabei-a-s​

I also tag whoever wants to do this--and feel free to tag me in your response