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heir-of-the-founders · 4 years

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I dont give a fuck anymore jesus christ i need yall to see this

youtube

Asdfghjkl its so hard to explain the amount of fucking hypocrisy in this video jesus.

Dont let the cleanliness fool you. Its a shithole.

The gym doesnt have an ac system but we can afford a giant (and by giant i mean ive never seen one this size before) touchscreen tv next to the auditorium and to have the 30 (that's not an exaggeration) tvs playing the fucking school news 7 times an hour every hour (they gloat about it but also gloat that we're the most watched student news in the state)(like no dip dumb dumb you play it 4800 times a damn day) and decals on the stairs and to completely revamp the auditorium.

They also cant be bothered to actually clean the fucking music wing. Theres these weird box couch things in there. Someone spilled a drink behind one. It took them a month AND being notified by other teachers bc students literally cant get a hold of janitorial at all ever. Fuck, freshman year a bird got inside and fucking died on the stairwell. Took 2 hours for the bird to be gone and 2 fucking weeks for the blood to be cleaned up. There was literally fucking blood on the windows and floor. Someone put notebook paper down so we didnt get blood on our shoes.

Oh! And when the band teacher mr swenson left he got replaced with henson and instead of giving him a new plaque they literally just taped an h over the sw with printer paper.

The head of the school board for my county literally got caught using the school credit card to go to hooters and buy alchohol but i guess nobody reported him bc that was freshman year and im a sr now and hes still head of the board.

Also, a few years ago (maybe it was only last yr i dont remember) during the march for our lives thing, a girl was organizing a protest and the hicks (for the people who dont know, those are the people that like,, kin the south. They literally wear plaid button ups and tuck their shirts into their too high jeans with giant belt buckles and wear cowboy boots and have confederate flags on their trucks, its ridiculous) the hicks literally kicked her and pushed her and spit on her in the halls for so long and it was so bad that she ended up not coming to school for like two weeks. But nobody got in trouble even though we have cameras literally everywhere.

My math teacher doesnt have a math degree. Well, shes not my math teacher anymore but like. She admitted to our class that she has no idea what shes doing. She yells at kids when they correct her. I literally transferred from algebra 2 to the algebra 2/ trigonometry mixed course in the middle of the year because it was taught by a different teacher and it made more fucking sense.

My english teacher sophomore year didnt have an english degree. He had a math degree. He also taught statistics. But that course was dropped when he retired jr yr. We literally didnt even read anything the whole thing was bullshit. He also had us say ubuntu (taken from wiki- Ubuntu (Zulu pronunciation: [ùɓúntʼù]) is a Nguni Bantu term meaning "humanity." It is often translated as "I am because we are," ) every day before class. it was weird.

Also the theater heads (the special ed teacher and 2 sports coaches) would like constantly yell at the theater kids to not bring any food or drink into the theater bc of like mice and shit but would then eat a pizza and drink coffee

Oh! Speaking of mice. The STEM classroom had this weird ass ceiling where it was like a platform of tiles hanging from the real ceiling and like it wasnt over the whole thing and we had a mouse problem in the school and sometimes the mice would get up there and sometimes you could hear them crawling around in the middle of class. There were also just like. Mouse traps. All over a lot of rooms.

One of the english rooms had a window thats inside and faces under a stairwell.

Oh and all that glass? Yeah, theres more and none of its bulletproof.

The pe teacher has a record of calling students whores and telling them theyre not going anywhere in life in front of the entire class bc the student didnt bring pe clothes. Its happened to both of my sisters and also a few friends. Ive seen it happen too. Amongst other things. Also, her office connects to the girls changing room and theres a window into it? And like the window is kinda covered up but with this weird material that has holes all over it. I dunno its just really creepy.

And like i guess last year the special ed teacher (one of the theater heads) got caught cheating on her husband (the freshman spanish teacher) with the (recently) retired freshman american history teacher. Mr s (the husband) and mr b (the side hoe) had rooms across from eachother. And now mrs s lives in Florida and mr s is just. Gone.

The excel head (like the head of the gifted kids program i guess?) Broke one of the 3d printers bc she was messing with it and then blamed it on a student and got the entire excel programs 3d printer privileges revoked. They even caught it in camera and she didnt get in trouble.

Sophomore year everyone called the science teacher daddy to the point that he just left.

The school has 3 elevators (required by law) and theyre kinda fucked up but i didnt realise it until i started using them regularly. First, there is a single thing in one if the elevators that says the last time they were inspected was 2014. Theres the main building elevator, the freshman building elevator, and the okd elevator, which is the only one that goes to the 3rd floor.

The old elevator is like. Really old. Like. Its manual. And you can touch the walls of the elevator shaft when yr moving. Also like. One half of the elevator just. Isnt covered. You also need a key to operate it and they dont give the keys out to the students so you either need to talk to the nurse before hand (and she always forgets) or try to find a janitor. Which. Only way to the 3rd floor. Elevator wise anyway. Which sucked wheb i had win time (like a mandatory study hall where you sign up for different teachers every day depending on 'What I Need', hence the name) on the 3rd floor bc sometimes mandatory stuff was scheduled up there. Which. Yay.

And the freshman building elevator fuckin,, it fuckin shakes. Like. Just. Its like turbulence. Its terrifying and ive genuinely thought i was about to die a few times.

People also use the elevators to vape bc the only one you need an adult for is the old one. This is evident by the smell.

Thats all that i can think of atm bc its 3am and i might delete this later but yea fuck my school

#Youtube

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movedto-dazaipositive · 6 years

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one guess where this started. couldn't have done it without @taggianto 💜 you.

CW: rape and resultant pregnancy; severe self-worth issues; mentally ill character with wrong ideas about what constitutes mental illness.

so, I've got a running headcanon that Kent's mom is alcoholic and she has ptsd.

rape & pregnancy TW // she was raped in college and that's how she got pregnant with Kent. she kept him out of choice, but she loves him no matter what

but that doesn't change the fact that she has ptsd and for many years while she was working 3 jobs to keep them alive and Kent on the ice, and she had to get through somehow. so she drank at home

and she wasn't ever really there for Kent. she couldn't be, between drinking and working. does Kent resent her? I don't think so. I don't think he knew it was even an option until he met the Zimmermanns and Jack

and saw the way they behaved with each other. but he loves his mom and he'd do anything for her. it's why he sticks with hockey even when it hurts–his mom worked hard to get him where he is, and he can't let her down now

but she crashes around the time Kent is 16/17. she's no longer got Kent around to survive for, and it really messes her up. and Kent watches Jack and his mom crash and burn, up close and from afar, and it fucks him up

like, bad. he can't stop thinking that it was him, that he's the reason they're the way they are. that he's the only thing they have in common and they're both–the way they are, and it must be him. it must be Kent

jack's OD breaks Kent, pushes him over the edge of a cliff he was already clinging to with his fingertips. he shuts down completely and only surfaces to a) send his mom to rehab with his first NHL paycheck b) and play hockey

he withdraws completely. cuts himself off from human contact at the exact time he needs it the most. he spends his rookie year with the Aces Captain, Patty, his wife and their two kids, barely holding on to his humanity

it's a good thing the team forces Kent out regularly, because otherwise he'd turn into an Actual Hockey Robot. it's not that he isn't friendly with them–he plays beautiful hockey and laughs and chirps with the rest of them, but there's something off about it. he's skittish and awkward, and he gets this look in his eyes sometimes, like he survived something awful but not really.

like he isn't all there. they worry about him. he's too small and too good at hockey and he needs someone to watch out for him

the first year, it's the whole team. all how-many-ever of them, looking out for Kent on and off the ice. the second year, Jeff comes to them

Jeff is...good with Kent.

Jeff's been playing on the NHL for a couple years, got drafted third or fourth to the Seattle Schooners. he's a good teammate, dryly funny, chirps that take a second to sink in. he plays good hockey, not as good as Kent, but good.

but he seems to know, instinctively, what Kent needs at any given moment

Jeff drags Kent into being social and actually, y'know, forming meaningful connections with other people by giving Kent puppy eyes until Kent agrees to hang out with Jeff and teammate of the week

and Kent, horribly unused to being someone people want to spend time with and nearly incapacitated by loneliness after a year of next to no human connection, says yes every time

and Kent is a person? under that weird obsessive hockey robot exterior? he's fun to hang out with. he's even funny. he's a bit a total dork and likes helping people and he always knows a good place to eat

so people on Kent's team start to seek his company even without Swoops around and Kent goes ? but he doesn't like to let people down or say no

Kent is still like, messed up inside. he doesn't sleep well and there are a lot of days when he won't get out of bed of he doesn't have to. but he's still trying

except... he's not trying to be better at Humaning for himself. he's doing it for Jeff and the people who depend upon him to show up and entertain their kids for two hours so they can go on a date

the only thing that's changed is the manifestation of Kent's chronic self-sacrificing and the people who receive it.

and Kent is honestly trying really hard and overcompensating for a year of not being a good Human Person so he swamps himself in helping people and overworks himself

and it's Jeff that picks up the pieces of Kent's dumbassery. it's Jeff that calls people to let them know that Kent has the flu, no they haven't been to the doctor yet, yes he's mostly okay he's puking right now, so no he can't come and take care of your kids Patty find a fucking babysitter you're a millionaire jfc

(Patty is kind of a dick)

Kent: [in between puking] but I promised

Jeff: shut the fuck up

Kent's bedridden for almost a week. he misses two games, both of which the Aces lose

it's during this week that Jeff realises just how fucked up Kent is, because in the middle of puking his guts out and shivering under six blankets he still finds time to blame himself for everything that goes wrong in that week. e v e r y s i n g l e t h i n g. it's not really Kent's fault, being sick pulls down all walls that keep him from airing the constant internal monologue of self blame and loathing, but Jeff calls his cousin Rashmi and has a slight breakdown

well, I say slight. he nearly cries

Jeff needs to talk about how much Kent is hurting and omg I never knew im a terrible friend eeeee

she tells him to a) calm the fuck down b) don't take this so personally, you can't help him if you think you're the one to blame, he's doing that already c) here's a bunch of helpful links on how to deal when you think your friend might be mentally ill

Jeff tries to be subtle about bringing up the 'you might be mentally ill thing'. Kent, however, is not dumb. he catches on to this really fast, and panics hard. his only experience with mentally ill folks is his mom and Jack, and they are not a good place to start–both addicts who've been unintentionally emotionally abusive to Kent. Kent draws the best conclusion he can with this data pool. the conclusion is I am a horrible person who will soon be drug addict and hurt the people around me, whoops time to Shut Down

Kent [shutting down] I am a horrible person that deserves nothing good, ever. Jeff: nO Kent: I can't hear you over the sound of my self loathing Jeff: N O

and Jeff does not know how to deal with a Kent who's gone straight back to rookie year levels of skittish I-am-a-virus-don't-touch-me. the team, on the other hand, knows perfectly well how.

or, at least, they know how they dealt with it. but they're hockey players, with the combined emotional intelligence of a nail clipper, and when they tell Jeff about it he's horrified. so he figures out his own methods–he sticks as close to Kent as possible while not overwhelming him, and he does his best to be Supportive

it is difficult to be supportive when the person you are Supporting does not want to be supported. so he does his research, and hits upon the perfect solution

he goes to the local pet shelter and asks for the most unlikely to be adopted kitten, because he knows that Kent has a soft spot for hopeless things

they give him a three month old Calico, blind and almost certainly headed to a shelter without a no kill rule

Jeff: ......I'll take it

Kent is baffled and enchanted. Jeff really thought it'd be harder to sell this to Kenny, but Kent's holding squirmy, curious little kit, already babytalking to her, asking her if she knows what a pretty princess she is, yes you are, aren't you and Jeff has a second where he thinks Oh, shit

bc this more humanity and interest than Kent has shown in almost a month, and then Kent is turning to Jeff to ask him questions about raising cats that Jeff didn't even know were a concern, but clearly this is making Kent happy, so Jeff gives him a book he'd picked up at the recommendation of the volunteer at the shelter, and drives Kent helplessly to the pet store and watches as Kent buys cat shit off Amazon

Kent doesn't realise she's blind, at first. kit (Jeff named her) has large golden eyes that are permanently dilated. Kent only figures out she's blind when he's sitting on the floor watching her toddle around, and she keeps walking into his outstretched legs. Kent calls Jeff in a panic, asking him if he knows what's with kit's eyes, and Jeff thinks I knew I was forgetting something

and then he explains the situation to Kent, and Kent reacts exactly the way Jeff expected him to–with a sudden fierce dedication to kit, even more so than ten minutes ago when he would have died for her

Kent cat-proofs his house–he pours a lot of time and money into getting everything exactly right so Kit needn't suffer more than necessary. he lavishes Kit with all the love he's capable of–and he's always capable of a lot more love than he thinks–and makes sure that everyone coming to his house knows that one move that frightens Kit is more than enough to get them banned

so Kent pours himself heart and soul into loving kit. he spends every second he isn't on the ice taking care of his beloved baby princess

and it's incredibly healing. he knows he has to get up in the morning and come back after runs (not walk into traffic) and that he has to get done on the ice so he can come back to her

there's a period of like, six months, where the only reason Kent does anything at all is because kit needs him to. and he won't let himself think about how Jeff could also maybe take care of her. he won't.

his mom's rehab clinic is expensive but ridiculously intensive and extensive. it's almost 14 months of rehab and therapy and relearning hire to be a person without addiction, as well as working through whatever led you to seek addiction in the first place

Diana Parson comes out of it changed. she feels more like a person than ever before in her life. she feels whole, healed still, but so much better

so she goes back home, and Kent is in Vegas depressed as fuck, and his mom is in New York living for herself, and doing things she loves, and discovering herself outside of therapy

she comes back home at a time when it's incredibly difficult for Kent to do even basic things like have a conversation. so all through the season, he doesn't visit her and he can't even summon up the guilt.

and her therapist tells her it's okay, that he needs time too. and she loves him and she gives him the time she needs, but she also decides that she's stable enough to foster a child

which goes well! Lydia is 7 and slightly untrusting but Diana has patience and love and she's been reading and she's financially stable and she has time (ask things she didn't have with Kent). she has time to ask Lydia how her day went. time to play and talk and do bonding activities with just the two of them

and soon enough she and Lydia love each other so much! and they have rough times but they get through it.

the season ends. and the aces lose. and Kent is probably even worse than before. and someone suggests that since the aces will no longer be in town to make sure that Kent buys groceries/stays a person, hey you should go visit your mom!

so Kent, depressed and hating himself, gets to watch his mom get her big second chance

and he tries do hard not to be bitter but it's killing him. he keeps wondering what his life would be like if he were Lydia. if he had a financially stable supportive mom. and he can't blame his mom so he blames himself

he blames himself for needing more than she could give him. because she did her best and she raised a pro NHL player and he doesn't have any right to expect more

and one night it gets so bad that drives himself to Jeff's place

this would be okay but Jeff actually lives in Canada

he's just. in this place where Jeff is the only person that Kent knows won't hurt him

and he's so, so tired

and Jeff, chilling with his family, suddenly has an armful of distraught sleep-deprived Captain

and he's just like ......sorry I gotta take this

Kent knows where Jeff lives bc he's been there at least once before

and Kent just. breaks down. he cries for hours. and Jeff can't do anything except drag Kent up to his room and cuddle him while he cries and pet his hair. Kent cries himself to sleep, but he wakes up with Jeff wrapped around him and there's like, 14 seconds where he just feels safe and good because Jeff's there and hugging him in bed so something somewhere must have gone right

anyway Kent wakes up and gets dressed with Jeff hovering gently over him, knocking into him once in a while to make sure he's okay

(like when cats wind around your feet because they're excited to see you. except they might trip you up. the issue w Jeff is that he is Big)

he finds his phone in some weird corner of his car and plugs it in. and finds out that he has 200+ missed calls from his mom

because his mom doesn't have the numbers of any teammates she can call and she's been so worried and he feels Horrible for Being This Way

so he calls her. and she picks up on the second ring and she's been having panic attacks and flashbacks for 4 days and she doesn't remember parts of her therapy

so she yells at him. and Kent is still way too fragile to handle this but he also has to do this? and he just. panics

mother-son bonding via hyperventilating to each other on a phone line

but Jeff gets so mad on Kent's behalf, and pulls the phone out of Kent's hand and cuts the call.

but then he feels guilty so he sends her a quick text message to let her know that Kent is safe and he'll call when he feels better

and the next few days are just Jeff hugging Kent and Kent wearing Jeff's clothes everywhere because he didn't bring his own

and when they kiss it's just so natural? Kent stops hiding how much he wants Jeff. it's too much work. and Jeff is close to Kent almost all the time. and they're so stupidly in love that Jeff's older brother walks into them making out against the kitchen counter and moon walks back out

they make out for so long that every member of Jeff's family sees them and walks back out.

#kent parson #parseposse #parsepositive #parswoops #swarse #lmao #that be #me #carysfics #omgcp #?????#p2 tag #original #i'm sorry about the lack of read more cut guys #tumblr hates me

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swampgallows · 7 years

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really feel like im gonna struggle to ever integrate into society. i struggle to chill w people my own age because a lot of them have careers n shit (i think... i guess? i dont really know actually lmao cause i dont talk to em) or theyre dating people and i cant really tell people what im up to because theyre condescending about it. “oh youre still into the rave thing huh?” yeah i’m “still into” it, sorry. you got two kids and a husband and youre living w your parents still too, that’s not a life i envy. id rather keep my ‘childish’ interests, thanks.

and i dont drink or do drugs so a lot of Adult Outings make me uncomfortable or are not right for me. and any time i want to find sober anything it becomes religious or recovery related, or it is considered exclusively for children. i have no problem being in the vicinity of alcohol but i dont want to hang w people while they’re using controlling substances because it sucks for everybody involved: they cant enjoy themselves because they feel self-conscious around me being the sober one, and then i feel bad for making them self-conscious but am also uncomfortable with them using substances around me. and of course i mean substances for the purpose of getting fucked up, not as medication. except in the case of weed which is a huge monumentally major trigger for me (whether i mentally prepare myself to be around it or not).

raves are the perfect blend for me. people who wanna get fucked up can, people who dont want to dont have to, and everybody is there to have a good time in their own way. they wear what they want, they dance how they want, and they generally dont infringe on anybody else’s good time with weird stuff like sexual advances or whatever. and if something like that is going down (like when RTC strips down and starts fucking on stage basically) you can always go somewhere else without having to sacrifice listening to the music or enjoying yourself otherwise. there’s generally outdoor areas (or people will let you in/out if it’s not the shadiest) to chill or if you need a breather, people are willing to help you, etc. i dunno raves compared to clubs or bars are vastly VASTLY superior. youd think id be able to stand the latter two since i rave all the time but i just cant (also because there is never any good music at clubs).

plus im not dating anybody and being ace is a shit and a half in terms of All of That, it’s another fuckin hang up on my perceived adulthood that im unpalatable or a freak or something is wrong w me if i’ve “gone this long” being single. sorry all the dudes who have been into me have been petulant children or massive abusive jerks and im not open enough about my bi-ness to be visible to women i dont think. either way im entirely de-sexed and this is the age where people are definitely fuckin, and fuckin with a PURPOSE. theyve all had like ten years of practice by this point (whether actually having sex or not, theyre just programmed to understand it) and so most people dont have time for a stiff like me who really doesnt give a shit about sex or ranges to even actively fucking hating it. i also havent developed feelings for anybody in a long time unless you count my tumblr crush (who im pretty sure has a partner anyway lmao and they seem pretty sexual actually so i dont think theyd, among many other reasons, give a shit about my dumb ass) and that can be really alienating too.

my high school best friend got married yet to me i feel like the only development i’ve had since high school is Trauma and mental illness. like i developed dissociative episodes in the last few years whereas in high school i basically only had the chronic insomnia and hypnagogic hallucinations. i mean i certainly think i’ve developed AS A PERSON in HUMONGOUS strides since high school but i know people i knew then will just be like “oh you still do ‘the rave thing’ and play WoW, huh?”

like yeah, i dunno, FUCK ME for enjoying my interests. i quit wow when i needed to and im glad i did but it’s not WoW’s fault i entered a morass of suicidal depression in the years i wasnt playing. WoW had run its course at that time in my life. and at the latter end of that i was going to raves regularly, making the BEST lifelong friends i have ever had, and generally being part of something greater, part of a community that genuinely cared about me. i was working out further kinks with my ability to socialize and love and be open to people (as i will continue to do until i die) but i feel there is arguably a much larger capacity to love in me than before. so i still wear kandi, so i still wear black clothing, so i still prattle on about orcs and trolls. fuck off. at least now i dont hate myself and let myself get raped every day, at least now im not mindlessly swallowing and regurgitating actively racist rhetoric out of fear of confronting my parents’ hatred or by surrounding myself with the dregs of society, at least now i dont want to “sew up my vagina” because i detest my womanhood and the men who covet(ed) it

currently i play wow honestly like maybe twice a week. i went on a bender with diego my REAL LIFE FRIEND LMFAO (like what, stop enjoying time w your friends, it isnt grown up!) a few days ago and we played for like 6 straight hours which was pretty fuckin wild. i think about wow a LOT like TOO mcuh and all of my art recently has been wow-related but holy shit i am drawing at least

since playing wow again (almost concurrent with when i had started my job) i did more drawing than i did in probably all 4.5 years of college, assignments or otherwise. i was drawing EVERY DAY, legitimately, even if they were just quick scribbles. and when i wasnt i was writing every single fucking day. and when i wasnt, i was READING. like FUCK me for having warcraft as a motivation to do fucking anything in my goddamn life. youre right, abandoning my interests and adopting ones i hate for the sake of appearing more adult is totally worth the mind-numbing soul-eating depression i crumble into without these silly safety nets.

like that’s all it is. it’s silly. raves are silly. video games are silly. “good luck getting laid” thanks i dont need it. “good luck finding someone who loves you” fuck you i have plenty of people who love me BECAUSE of the things i love, not “in spite” of them, not in some tongue-in-cheek “That’s our Swamp!” fashion. they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE MAKE MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE TELL ME MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE PLAY MORE.” (that last one is about music, not warcraft lol).

but i mean i do worry about it, worry about being “too insular” as some critical piece of shit idiot put it to the point of being unrelatable. I dont want to alienate myself from people of course, nor do i want to get so wrapped up in fantasy that i lose myself. and that’s something i was tearing myself apart about during my episode earlier, just that “I have to get off the internet” because while i think and do all of this stuff, “Me” is just sitting in my bed rotting. Even when im drawing or up at my tables mixing i know it’s still just me, in my house, sealed off from the world, and i started having panic because i was telling myself “i want to go home” over and over but i am at home, i’m in my bed, but i realized of course that home is not in this house. home is many places for me, but it’s also why im SO enthusiastic about wow again: it is home. and believe me im getting wary of just how fucking much i am eating breathing sleeping dreaming (literally dreaming) warcraft because while i dont know if i was ever “addicted” i, again, dont want to be so swept up that i forget im a person (and with dpdr that shit is way potent). that and uhh i got shit to do, but mostly... it’s not real. and i know im setting myself up for failure and heartbreak again by yearning for something that cannot exist no matter how much i set my mind and hands to create it.

i feel hurt physically by the fact that there are “only humans”. i mean there are infinite different kinds of humans, but it’s more of an existential quandary than a yearning for an orc boyfriend or something. it’s why we dream up fantastic creatures and aliens in the first place: we’re not alone in the universe, are we? are humans really the only sentient beings out there? we can’t be. we can’t be. “they” say either option—that we are, or are not alone—is equally terrifying but i dont think so. sure we might fear violence or eradication from not being alone, but to know that we are? out of everything we’ve charted and studied, that we’re it? that’s... that’s death. and of course there’s going to be heat death or whatever they say in 6 billion whatever i dont know, so whether we’re alone or not is irrelevant because it will destroy our universe and what happens when there is no universe? and so of course all of this was compounding into panic, of course, of course, jumping from a dumbass thought like “i guess im not as into overwatch because it’s sci-fi but also theyre all humans” straight into “INEVITABLE HEAT DEATH”. so like, really, does it matter that i care about wow lore more than i care about marriage?

i mean, i guess i should have a career, but i dont really know what i could be capable of doing. i dont know if it’s mental illness or discipline or what but even if like metzen himself was like “come work at blizzard!” i would still probably just collapse into a heap of worthlessness and fear.

i dont know what i fear. i guess i fear that im wasting my time, and by spending my time in another world i dont have to worry about how im spending time in this one. and that’s really, really bad. i dont like that.

i have to make this world worth living in. i have been trying. but i havent gotten very far. in fact, i took some steps backward.

from the edge of the cliff, so... i guess that’s forward in some ways.

#blathering

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survivorindia · 8 years

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Rites of Passage

My experience was boring, I didn't get to do anything. I tried backstabbing someone but they backstabbed me first. Not much else to say, cause nothing else happened.

Lexi G: I wanted to keep you bud and would have if you weren’t voting me. I don’t think you deserved to go first after helping with the challenge though.

India. Oh how I miss her. The game was such a ride even if was just for a short period. At least I left with some souvenirs, like the relationships I made and this cool looking rock.

Ashley: Okay, I didn't really get to know you well but tbh getting rocked out first is iconic and I love you.

Lexi L: Steven Snell, You are the best and most loyal person. I mean who would go to rocks the first tribal council? YOU THATS WHO! I am so glad you are playing the game ruben and i are hosting now. That is the one good thing that came out of playing a tumblr game, meeting you. I really wish we could of played the rest of this game together.I love you and i am still so sad you got fucked by a rock.

Robin: Even though we only got to know each other you are one of my favorite people in this community. You’re so loyal and sweet. I was so upset that you ended up getting rocked out. I’ve done everything in this game with you in mind. I hope I made you proud.

Ashley: Awe, hi Ace! I really liked getting to know you and hope you are doing well, voting you out wasn't a priority for me but it just happened to be where the numbers landed.

Lexi L: Um i honestly don't remember you to much sorry:/

Robin: You seemed like a really nice person. I wish we could’ve gotten to play together.

Lexi G: We didn’t start speaking much until your tribal and I wish we had. The points you made were great and I would have kept you had the group consensus not been for you to go.

Lexi G: We were in two games together so the working relationship was there but with limited replies, it’s hard to work with someone. I wish you made it further so we could have worked together but good luck in Hoenn!

Rigga Morris! Listen perhaps I played too hard too fast ? But I'm happy w 1/2 of the ppl in the final so I'm love this season yes!

Ashley: Karen, Karen, Karen, I wanted to see our little "rivalry" from Sweden was behind us but unfortunately it was not. I caught wind of you actually wanting me out and so I had to do something about it. I am sorry it ended up like that.

Lexi G: We were never on a tribe together but I heard you’re a legend so I hope we get to speak outside of the game!

Lexi L: I told you after Steven got rocked out that i would flip to your side and be loyal to you because i hated everyone left on my tribe besides Robin. You were fun to talk to and i was sad you got blindsided.:/ Wish we could of slayed together.

Robin: I wish we could’ve had the tribe swap earlier. I wanted to work with you so bad. Thanks for supporting me in everything!

Lexi G: We never got to speak much but I hope everything is well and I’m sorry you had to leave the game.

Lexi L: Bernel, i'm pretty sure you quit. I forget why. We did not talk to much but for the times we did talk you seemed pretty cool.

Robin: I didn’t get to know you much but I hope you’re doing well and that you get another shot at playing.

I figured I was on the bottom of a group and flipped to better myself - it didn't work out in the end and the group I flipped on was the group that got my torch snuffed.

Ashley: Okay I didn't talk to you at all but I hear great things about you.

Lexi L: So you told me you were voting Liam out because he was inactive and then went and told everyone i was dating ruben from the other tribe and to get me out. You had Whitney and Liam on board. So you made it go to rocks and got my boy Steven out:/ So i dont really like you for that.

Robin: We had a rocky relationship. I really liked you and thought we would work well together but unfortunately we ended up having different targets.

Ashley: I am not even doing this one.

Lexi G: I pray you’re not still lost on the beach somewhere

Lexi L: Whitney, you never liked me for some reason. Like i tried to talk to you and everything ,but you would not give me a chance lol. But i heard you went inactive once we switched tribes, which sucks because why not just of let yourself be voted out instead of letting people go to rocks.

Okay so first and foremost, I loved this season while it lasted tbh, and im sad that I am pre-merge and 15th place once again, but who cares lol. Anyway I'm personally glad that the person who quit jury did because it gave me the opportunity I've wanted, okay done with that. I feel like this game honestly I did my best and I was proud of how I started out. It's annoying that I was voted out with little reason, and that I lost to some of the most vile people this season, but things happen you know? S/O to Jordan and sarah this season for being probably my favorite people EVER to have worked with like yall are so real I love you guys. Okay bye!!

Lexi G: I love your ability to put feminism above all else (and as I have stated numerous times before in Hoenn vl drs) I wish you had stayed in both games since I really wanted to work with you long term!

Lexi L: Ok Julia, you need to get your self checked out. I think you are messed up in the head. You attacked me for saying this game is rigged? I complained once about rig so get your facts straight. You said a bunch of mean things to me and then deleted it! LIKE WHAT!?? Don't say rude things and then delete it. Just tell me straight up how you feel.

Robin: Julia, you are such a great person honestly. The fact that you’re into with craft is so interesting. I honestly hated to see you go. It sucks that the original plan was leaked or else you would’ve stayed longer.

I was never really into the game to begin with, so I don’t have a lot to say. As of late I have removed myself of all games and basically from this community as a whole due to personal issues. Good game everyone! Byeee.

Ashley: See you at school!

Lexi G: My first alliance :( I wish you had more time to play but I understand life gets busy!

Ashley: Oh goodness, here we go. Dom, we went from being happily married to some ugly old couple who just was sick of each other. You were made out to be such a strong player and honestly everyone was scared of you. I know that if it hadn't have been for the idol I received, you would probably still be here, and I am sorry for that, but I certainly feel as though Sarah and I did what was necessary to save ourselves.

Lexi G: You have no idea how much I appreciated being aligned with you! I saw you as a power player and we shared some fun moments so I was sad to see you go but have to admit being taken out by two idols is quite badass! I thought you had a tremendous chance at winning because of the amazing game you were playing so it was crazy how that tribal played out.

Lexi L: DOM, ugh i am so sad they got you. I loved our little alliance with Ruben, Lexi G, Jaiden and Robin. We were at the bottom but you somehow always stayed postive and helped us come up with a plan. I hated seeing you go. I loved meeting you and im glad you and Ruben bonded so i had the chance to play with you. You're amazing!

Robin: Idols really hurt us. The day of the tribal council where you left was….eventful. You deserved to stay longer than that. I hope you get to play another tumblr survivor game.

I’m Jordan Pines

Ashley: Jordan <3 my heart broke into a million pieces when you were voted out. You had been telling us all day that everything was okay and that we had it in the bag, and then you suddenly had to go. It really sucked not having your humor and strategic thinking around. Hope to talk soon!

Lexi G: What could have been! I really really wanted to work with you long term, and I thought it could have been fun for us to switch things up in the game. Alas, someone found an idol and most of them were dead set on you going that round. I still think about, to this day, how we could have had some fun in the game and I believed you to be someone who would have loved to make crazy moves with me. I want to say thank you for talking to me regularly and being there for the times I needed to vent. I hope we get to become friends outside of this game <3

Lexi L: Jordan, you were definitely running this game. I always viewed you as a threat from the day i met you. we didn't talk much, i did not really see a point because you had your group and i had mine. You were definitely a great player though. Sorry the idol screwed you.

Robin: You’re a great liar. It’s a compliment by the way. You really had me sold that you were trying to save lexi g. Even though you might not believe it, you had a big impact on the game. I honestly got inspired with how smoothly you were able to lie and make yourself look like you were working hard to be a hero. That’s what got me going the tribal after to say so much. You were a very strong competitor. I’m sure you could’ve easily won this had you made past the first merge round.

Jaiden doesn’t have me on skype so he didn’t submit

Ashley: Okay Jaiden, I love you, but come on. I gave you soooooo many chances to work with me. I put my trust in you so many times and for what? I feel as though we certainly gained a friendship but eventually you being unpredictable was what made my mind up.

Lexi G: I enjoyed talking to you as we were also in two games together, you were always so kind. I believe we had a ton of the same issues going on so I hope you are doing better and I wish you the best!

Lexi L: Jaiden, im very sad you quit jury. The returnees did not give you a chance. I am glad they didnt though because i got the chance to work with you. You were very fun to talk to and when you played that idol on me, i knew i could trust you. I mean i knew before , but i was always a little worried. Loved playing with you!

Robin: I tried so hard to save you. The tribal council you left was a pivotal point in how I was perceived in the game. I pushed myself to play more aggressively and be more outspoken because of you. You were such a great friend in the game. It’s a bummer you left the jury. I hope everything in your life is working out well.

Coming into this game I didn't see myself doing well at all. I mean I was in the game with my girlfriend and couldn't even lie about it because there were people that knew of the both of us already. That being said, I did a lot better than I thought I was going to. I mean I made the merge with my girlfriend lol and I played an idol on myself and made some pretty big moves while I was in the game. I was well on my way to hopefully winning this game, but people saw me as the biggest threat on the otherside and took me out. I don't think I would have done anything different, not much I could have done differently. But I think I played the best possible game I could have and I'm proud of my game. As for my first tumblr survivor journey, I made jury, idoled someone out, played a huge part in taking out one of the biggest liars and villains in Jordan, and even got a spell put on me by another jury member (who shouldn't even be a juror lol sorry Julia). Anyway my first and last journey on Tumblr Survivor was an interesting one for sure.

Ashley: Hello Ruben! I am sorry we didn't get to talk much, but it was assumed that you were the "leader" of the newbies and wouldn't want to really communicate with us returnees. The conversations we did have however I highly enjoyed. I hope you are doing well!

Lexi G: Our alliance since the beginning was everything I had hoped for and more. We looked out for each other and had to swat off the rumor that we were dating hahaha but somehow made it through all that. I very much appreciated you being the calm side of our duo and I’m happy we made the merge together. I’m excited to talk to you again soon after the game is over!

Lexi L: You are so cute. I was mad you played this game because i definitely thought we would be out pre merge. I mean we date who would let us get this far. oh wait, they did LOL. sorry had to say it. I was sad when you went , but one of us were bound to go and i guess they saw you as more of a threat. Love you <3

Robin: You were honestly the best player in this game. You were able to predict everyone’s strategies, win competitions, and gather information. I would’ve loved to have seen you win this game. If it wouldn’t have been for you figuring out Lexi was getting votes, we would’ve all been picked off. Thank you for being such a helpful ally.

Saying this game was messy is an understatement. Things were all over the place and it was surely interesting. Personally, I think I played a decent game, and almost made the top third. A lot of great friends came out of it, and then there's the opposite of that. (You know who you are.) it's truly a shame that I have to pick one of these remaining people to win, but may the best lady win. Prepare for hell at FTC. Ciao.~ You know who you are coughcoughalexiscoughcough

Ashley: Oh poor Liam. Rocked out because of paranoia of something that wasn't even happening. You were actually really loyal and it sucked losing you in the way we did. It would have been nice to have you here with me.

Lexi G: We didn’t get to speak much other than my plea on the tie vote for Jaiden but so sorry you were eliminated in rocks, that’s got to be tough. I hope the blues clinch a playoff spot though!

Lexi L: Liam ok, you were supposed to go the first tribal council. You were inactive, but somehow you come out of nowhere and convice Johnny and Whitney otherwise and i mean good for you. That's a good move. We never really talked because i was salty and mad you did not go and Steven did. We never talked after that either. I think you hate me. I dont get why but it's ok.

Robin: I wish we hadn’t messed up our relationship so much back on Nayak so we could’ve worked together at merge. I really think you could’ve won this game had the ruby idol not gotten you eliminated.

It was super weird to come back for a fourth time, It was intense, it was crazy and the people with the most entertaining personalities are in jury. This game was drama filled..to say the least and it was SO much fun to be apart of it

Ashley: Sarah don't you dare hate me. I love you, I really do, but girl your paranoia and stuff was really bugging me. I had second thoughts on voting you out. But the thought of you making so many other chats without me in them after telling me you wanted to take me to the end was not the best feeling. In the end it was strictly strategic, you are a huge threat in games and I respect that, as I hope you can respect my move.

Lexi G: I believe you don’t want to hear from me at all due to the message you sent me after you were voted out. However, I did genuinely want to work with you. I had hoped the villains could possibly team up since we were cannibalizing up until that point. I had voted the way you wanted me to during the tribal you played your idol. Then at the tribal you left, you didn’t tell me how you were voting and the opposing group had set their eyes on you once again while also having a lot of power so it was out of my hands during that round. You have no idea how much I was looking forward to working and calling with you more for the rounds to come but tearfully, it didn’t work out. I hope we get to speak more about it later as I’m excited to hear your thoughts during the game.

Lexi L: Sarah, I have no idea what happened with us. We never had a problem with one another and then you just went off on me. Called me Ruben's dog, which is very far from the truth and that's why it triggered me. People always think i do as ruben says in game and it couldnt be more far from the truth. He is just more vocal and i am more behind the scenes. You hate me and i don't hate you, but i think attacking me was random and uncalled for.

Robin: I really thought I would enjoy getting to play with you. You seemed like a really nice person and you seemed to like me a lot. It’s funny how things can change though once the game gets more intense and we have to go against each other. I found out the kind of player you are and that’s why I actively tried to get you out. I want to point out that bringing up a past event of yours was not meant to be personal. This was on a blog, which is public, and anyone can access so I feel like you exaggerated what I did. I played this game with integrity and respecting everyone. You made a big deal about not getting personal with people, so I think you should take your own advice and think before you make rude comments to other people. I’m not sure if you were just trying to embrace your villain character but remember, this just a game and just because someone else outplays you, it doesn’t mean you have the right to release your anger negatively on them. You know what I’m talking about and I hope you take time in the future to apologize to that person.

This game was a load of fun ^__^ I got to meet some amazing people, take part in some shocking blindsides, and strategize to my heart's content. My only regret is not being more paranoid come F8-ish. Everyone was telling me to scramble more and more, but the only way I could make it further would be by trusting the people who eventually took me out... *Shrug* All in all, this was a great experience and I am very happy I got to live through it all with such a marvelous cast!

Ashley: Alright so this is a tough one. I know you are not going to really want to hear from me or are just completely pissed at me right now but I promise I had my reasons. You were never going to trust me again as you did at the beginning. I knew by the way you reacted that you would be plotting against me at some point in the future and I certainly did not want that because I know you are smart as hell and could have taken me out no sweat. So in a last minute decision, my worries got the best of me, and I am sorry for that but I hope you can respect me as a player still, and see the reasons why I made the moves I did.

Lexi G: I believe you to be by far the scariest player, and I can’t place my finger on why. It could be attributed to your working relationships with a large majority of the cast or your ability to extract any sort of information out of any single person. I had heard some of my allies giving up information that I did not want them to, to you so it’s quite crazy how you had that effect on people. I heard a TON of things about your game and it was intimidating, but I really want the chance to play with you again and I pray that we could even be on the same side.

Lexi L: Gavin, I don’t know how to feel about you. My relationship with you was the same i had with Alex. We always tried to talk about game but never did. I heard what you did to Ruben though and it made me very upset. I think you played an ok game . You just, i don't know. I never wanted to talk game with you because i knew you were kind of a snake. I do want to thank you for telling ruben to play an idol on me that round though!

Robin: We had such a complex relationship. I feel like the two of us were being mislead by other people. If we would’ve just trusted each other, we probably could’ve done so much together.

youtube

Ashley: Okay so this one actually wasn't completely my fault but I still hate myself for it. I should have voted with you guys and gone to rocks. Which is something that in previous games I would never do. But Alex you are such a genuine person, you didn't hate me for choices I made but instead came and asked me why I did the things I did. You didn't judge me or want me gone, you truly just wanted to understand and that is why I wanted you to be here with me at the end because if I can't win I would have hoped you could have at least.

Lexi G: This is hard due to me knowing that you wanted to help me out a bit as you believed me to be on the bottom of my side but it was difficult to align when I wasn’t told how the tribal would be playing out most of the time and the result I was told to expect didn’t happen. I did try to make sure the vote wasn’t you a few rounds to try and repay for the times you had told me you hadn’t written my name down. You were a great player and you knew that as you said in your final tribal so I hope you’re not mad that I took out a clear winner. You had it all in this game; social, strategic and were great in the challenges.

Lexi L: Alex, You were a funny person and i wish we could of talked more and maybe even worked together. You were set in your alliance and i was set in mine. I definitely viewed you as a threat too. You were likeable and never crossed anyone. I respect you and have no bad words for you.

Robin: I really admire how articulate you are. You came off as a very persuasive person. I was afraid of you the entire game. You were so social and at least with me, you knew what words to use to get me to open up and appreciate you. I’m sure you could’ve won this game by a landslide.

In the words of the great scholar Linkin Park, "I tried so hard and that's alright but in the end it doesn't even matter,"

Ashley: Ugh Kendall you tried so hard, your slideshow was amazing, kinda wish I had you to share cookies with. We knew it was kind of hopeless but we still tried. And that is all we could really have done. It really sucked that you left, and I know I haven't been the best person throughout this game, but you have always made me laugh and I truly adore you as a human being.

Lexi G: As outrageous as it sounds, I’m not a sociopath like you believe I am. I genuinely did feel like shit for a large part of the game but I was not on the bottom as I had said. I needed to try and avoid getting votes for tribals to come so I had to play up the “trio” on our side to survive. The issues I opened up about indirectly regarding my actual life were true sadly. I thank you for letting me vent to you and I’m sorry if you were hurt on a personal level. If you had told me more of what was going on during the rounds before, I would have loved to work with you but you didn’t seem to trust me. I did enjoy those earlier conversations before the merge when we had spoken about our weird humor so I’m painfully sad that it didn’t end up working out. I’m positive you hate me so I’ll end this here and wish you the best.

Lexi L: KENDALL, ugh i connected with you the most more than most people in this game. You are so odd and funny. I mean that in a very good way. I loved talking to you. I always said if i got out and you made it to the end, you would of definitely got my vote. No one hated you and i mean how could they. I hope we talk after this game is over. Dead babies for life!

Robin: Well, you were the most surprising out of everyone. The way you were able to stay in the game and never have your name thrown out showed how big of a threat you were. I saw myself working with you back on the Hero beach but the whole returnees vs newbies thing ended up forcing us on opposite sides.

#youdontgetmycrownjustcause

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